#i have insomnia actually so i may as well be productive rn

[obaewankenope]

8k, all but 1k of it written today! Lords preserve me but I am so happy to be back to writing fic again!

[wayvphobic]

❤️💜💬 💫 ✨☂️⏳📝🎤 ⭐📸 ☕ ⏳ (sorry I may have gone a bit overboard 😅)

idc i LOVE answering these!!

TAGLIST: @aqueenieme @moonbeamsung @atinygracie @btshook @jinsoulorbitzen12 @1-800-enhypenbibi

❤️: i think i would still be in school, pursuing a career in music

💜: i feel like i am pretty similar off camera, because sometimes i’m bad at pretending to be such a confident, badass girl-crush. i care about my members and love them as much as you all see. i’m the dad of siren and their leader, which is a bit strange, but i can do it. i’m just mila. just lala. i’m lame

💬: i know youd probably expect something juicy, but i would want to talk to exid’s LE because she is my greatest inspiration .. i’d be too nervous to text her, but still

💫: when i tell you i would fight yangyang any time, any day of the week, i mean it. i don’t care that i’m the smallest member. but for real, i love everyone and get along with them well. i dont know shotaro and sungchan as well as the others, but i still am very fond of them .. but between us, some of the suju members get on my nerves. i dont talk to enough people to have ones to dislike. i’m a hermit

✨: i don’t have any particular concept i think suits me perfectly. i know i suit the concepts wayv has, our fans have told me, as have the members. i think i’ll suit siren’s as well. in terms of preference, i like dark concepts. also, i like things that are 90s hip hop influenced

☂️: i have a very good relationship with my staff. they do so much for us, and i make sure they know i am grateful. honestly, our managers show me a lot of kindness. our manager unnie for siren is very close with us girls. she always takes care of us well, and we like to do things for her and spoil her.

⏳: when i have time off from schedules, i try to sleep. i have bad insomnia, so being awake for a busy schedule is actually easier for me, but i am physically very drained. i rest as much as i can. i also play games and write and chill with my members.

📝: i havent had as much creative liberty with wayv as i do with siren. for resonance and certain wayv songs, i’ve been heavily involved in lyrics and production. for siren, i work closely with lily and evie. lily is amazing at lyrics, and she has a unique vibe to her compositions. evie is very particular about helping with concepts, as she has a very artistic eye. i work heavily on producing and i can proudly say that every rap i have ever had in a song was written myself.

🎤: that STUPID picture the members took of me while i was sleeping on yangyang... that made me mad for weeks. i hardly ever sleep and they do that to me! i suppose it’s also kind of embarrassing when people are spamming comments on every platform about me being ugly... but i don’t care as much. i’m successful and happy with where i am in my career.

⭐️: sm definitely favors me, as well as some others... i hate it, it’s unfair. i feel like my members are far more deserving of privileges that i get for absolutely no reason. i turn down a lot of offers because it just makes me angry that they push this on us. none of us favorited members enjoy it, because of the consequences it has with our other members being neglected and mistreated.

📸: this is my favorite rn!

☕️: it shouldn’t be controversial (it is for some, but it shouldn’t be) but BLACK LIVES MATTER. FUCK TRUMP AND FUCK RACISM. SUPPORT WOMEN AND LGBTQ+. BERNIE >>>

⌛️: i’d tell younger mila that she’s going to have to hide more of herself than she thought. you’re going to have to be brave and be strong and find HEALTHY coping mechanisms. you will find your family within your members. it’ll be okay, we just have to get through it.

[woven-birds]

**Rant ahead. I apologize for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes. I’m tired and kind of emotional so it may not be well written rn.**

**Also tw warning for mental health.**

Lol @ people on here who think they know my life. And think that I’m an “overly sensitive, special snowflake, “everyone is beautiful and special”, “believe in yourself”, “do not let the world make you hard”, sjw delicate -as-a-flower-petal girls that refuse to live in the real world and believe life is some magical sparkly fairy tale full of meadows and flowers and sunshine and ~kisses from your gentle, artsy, and loving European boyfriend~ just because that’s how life actually is for them and they think it’s that way for every girl on the planet” kind of girl. All because I said to not be so rude and mean. That kindness goes a long way.

She also said: “I’m done being kind??? Who the fuck are you to tell me to be kind??? Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do??? I don’t even know you??? The fuck??? I’m done with being kind??? You have no idea what the fuck has happened in my life and I don’t owe anyone kindness??? Kindness, patience, and softness has brought me nothing but misery and suffering and being stepped all over and being repeatedly betrayed so uh yeah, I’m done trying to be ~♡☆kind and sweet and soft~♡☆^.^ so shut the fuck up????”

{I’ve never told this next bit to the public. Only my boyfriend and past therapists.}

LET ME TELL YOU MY LIFE STORY since you assume you know my life:

I have been through some shit. I was sexually abused as a kid and beat, thrown into an adult jail at 16 because of my crazy mother where I was unsafe and around actual murderers (for real some Orange is the New Black stuff without the comical relief). I was hospitalized for 6 months for attempted suicide and an eating disorder as a young teen. And again at 20 (nearly two years ago) for attempted suicide. I was hospitalized for the first time at age 10.  I got pregnant at 17 and now live far away from my son at the moment. While I was pregnant with him my family kept forcing me to give him up/get an abortion. I have very bad anxiety so bad I don’t know how to have normal conversations with people; and have panic attacks while grocery shopping and don’t leave my house as a result. I have severe depression and I have PTSD from all the trauma in my life. I have been in therapy since I was 5. I was first put on medication at 7. I can’t currently afford to get help for my mental illness so I’m dealing with it on my own. I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother and a mentally ill uncle who I lived with that tried to burn our house down when I was 15. I’ve never met my biological dad. My aunt strangled me when I was 11. I grew up poor; as a teenager I had to beg my mom for hygiene products and new underwear. I was also lucky if I got a meal once a day. I self-harmed since I was 10, and had my ED since age 8. My best friend at 14 died from cancer. I could go on… but I think I’ve made my point. My life is far from perfect. 

Nevertheless, I’m still kind to people. Yes I have my moments like any other person. However, I’m not rude or cruel or judgmental of other people. With the cards I’ve been dealt in life you’d think I would just lie down and let life beat me down, but guess what? I fucking don’t. I keep going. And when I feel like I can’t and I want to die or self-harm I talk to someone. A stranger most of the time because I have zero friends irl. I’m kind to people and I accept kindness from other people. I could choose to be bitter and miserable. But I don’t. (I’ll address you personally now) You should too.You shouldn’t just give into being so unhappy and cold just because of the things that happened to you.  I promise you you’ll feel a lot better. That’s all I was trying to say to you. I wasn’t trying to tell you “how to feel” as you said in your post. 

I’ll call anyone out for being rude. Idc. If you don’t like it unfollow me. There’s no fucking reason to not be kind. That’s the point of this long insomnia fueled rant of mine. If you’re super negative and rude & refuse to change - leave. Don’t follow me. I don’t want that in my life in any way, shape, or form. 

Okay, I’m done now. Thank you for listening.

[marianneandkim]

What Are Your Goals?

MK asked: Do you have any new goals you want to finally pursue this year? What are they, and how do you plan to pursue them?

“This year, I plan to give away most of my possessions until I'm left with only a few that I really use and that spark joy. This January, I've started with books. (I'm a book hoarder.) I'll be finally giving them all away. (The Harry Potter set will stay.)”—Marianne, 27, Ravenclaw

"I want a life less serious this year and focus on taking care of myself. I'm starting new but very attainable habits like putting attention on skincare, drinking lots of water, spending less time on social media, sleeping early, and writing one lesson and a gratitude list a day. App blockers and phone reminders help. Also, I want to start new hobbies. Weird as it may sound, I want to write parables, plant an herb and lettuce garden, learn how to put on makeup, and make new recycled paper products. I plan on enrolling in the so-called YouTube Academy to achieve some of these. Habits and hobbies for self-growth.—Kim, 28, paper enthusiast

“I have a lot of goals: blog away (I started with thinking topics I want to write about), meal prep (watched videos), gain weight (start meal prep first), be positive (talk to positive people), don't shout at kids (be patient), be sweet again (forgive).”—Hazel

“I want to stay fit and healthy. Will start by eating healthier.”—Keshia

“One goal I’d like to have is to get a better job with less stress, time, and expenses from commuting or traveling to and from my workplace. Basically, I want a home-based job that will enable me to do more, give more, and be more because I have enough free time for myself that is not wasted in commuting. Time is a valuable resource in this life, and I don’t want to spend most of them stuck inside a vehicle while waiting for the heavy traffic to lighten up.”—Rob, 25, writer and budding cinephile

“I am planning to start building a dream and achieving a goal. It does not have to make sense; it just has to exist. I am twenty-seven, but it seems like I spent half my life trying to find out what I want to do for the rest of my life, and this year, I am going to find it.”—Nina, 27, single mom

“My goal for this year is to transition into a specialty in nursing and also have good health by keeping fit and strong. I want to develop a work-life balance outlook in life, which means that I pursue excellence in my field of work, but I also make sure that my health is not being compromised. To be able to achieve this, I need to apply for the program the hospital offers in the next intake, making sure that I equip myself with knowledge and skills for the upcoming interview. As much as possible, communicating with my colleagues at work such as doctors, pharmacists, and allied health actually helps, knowing that I am getting a good chunk of information with regards to my patient’s condition. I also want to make time for personal training this year; this one will be a challenge, but I believe that it will be beneficial to my health and well-being as well in order to serve excellently in my chosen field.”—Alyssa, 27, RN, MNL-MEL

“I'm a housewife for almost three years now. My daughter is growing, so I'm planning to get a regular job again. I want to do it for myself and for my family.”—Sasa, 30, housewife

“I have a lot on my list, but it will take me forever to accomplish if I do everything this year. So I will focus on three things this year:

1. Get a certification. This is one of the goals my team leader set for me this year. Though I am not well-versed in this field, I take it as a challenge to go beyond my comfort zone and acquire knowledge that will help me add more value to my work. Last week, I started reviewing for my exam in March. I write lengthy notes because it helps me understand the concepts than just read it in my laptop or phone.

2. Travel. I am planning to go on local trips this year and experience the beauty of our country. Since I am not yet allowed to go on solo trips, I will join my friends in their weekend getaways like going to the beach, hiking, swimming (even if I don’t know how to swim), and visiting tourist spots near the metro or in the provinces. Target places: La Union, Batangas, Davao, and Batanes. Also, this will help me practice my hands at photography.

3. Cover songs. Since it’s impossible right now to become a singer, doing cover songs is the closest thing to my dream. I recently uploaded a one-take cover of ‘Million Reasons’ by Lady Gaga on SoundCloud. My voice is not in good condition these days, and I am lazy to edit the background noise. But I vow to do better covers next time. Next would be Adele’s ‘When We Were Young.’”—Faye, 25, aspiring singer/photographer

“I want to travel outside of the country. If I save enough money (or probably earn more), I can make it possible. Also, I want to finally learn how to drive and get that license, but you know, driving school isn’t really free. Ha ha!”—Andrew, 22, aspiring driver and globe trekker

“Be more devoted to God not just by going to Mass every Sunday but also by attending novenas in St. Jude [Parish] every Thursday. Praying the rosary every night before I go to sleep also keeps me calm at times I feel anxious because of my studies in law school. It helps me have peace and confidence.

Be good each day at time management to be more productive both in my academics and work. Studying law is already tough, but working at the same time adds more challenge and not to mention anxiety. But on the bright side, you get to have a life and get to know more people outside of law school other than my family at home and classmates in school, which helps ease stress somehow.

Take care of my health. Studying law gave me insomnia, but I know one day I will learn to adjust my body clock, especially when I reach fourth year. I have to learn and train myself to sleep early and wake up early. In that way, my mind will be fresh, and it would avoid headaches, which adds stress and anxiety.

These three main goals basically I believe will help me in preparation for the bar exams and in my road to becoming a good Bedan lawyer.”—Criselda, 28, future lawyer and model

“For this year, I plan to save up so I can go back to Korea soon (still as a tourist, not necessarily as a fangirl, ha ha). Keeping a certain amount from my salary would probably help. I also want to continue my language classes and maybe put them to use. I’ve started my insurance/investment this month, and hopefully I can keep it going for the years to come.”—Mayam, 27, editor

“I’ve always put my family first. But this year, now that my child is growing up to be an active and slightly less needy toddler, I promised myself that I will also think of myself, too. Therefore, one of my main goals for the year is to address my personal needs. Happy mom, happy family!”—Mae, 28, work-at-home momma

“I always wanted to learn a new language, start dancing again, and write more. Dancing is really an important part of my life. For the past year, I stopped dancing because I did not have any spare time. For this year, I'll start training and dance again.

As for learning a new language, I always wanted to learn how to speak French and to improve my Spanish. I learned Spanish when I was in college, and it's been a while since I graduated. Now, I am out of practice. I also wanted to learn French because I really like how the words sound in French, and I want to visit France someday. Knowing how to speak French will come in handy.

I wanted to write more because it puts me at ease. It makes me feel relaxed. It's like my own therapy, and I always wanted to finish some of my stories that I have been working on for a few years now.”—Dada, 22, nap enthusiast