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crimeronan · 4 years ago

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ik youre not a therapist and i dont want like therapy or anything but im 17 and ive known i was bipolar for 3 years now and i dont know how im supposed to live the rest of my life like this. im so fucking tired. how do you stay alive

you sent this a couple days ago & i’m posting at a weird time so i’m not sure if you’ll see it but.

i’ve been looking at this message trying to decide how to respond

because i don’t know your situation, your symptoms, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve had positive or negative experiences with medication, psychiatrists, therapists, hospitals, all that related shit

the bipolar life advice i give to people is vastly different depending on the individual. it’s not a one size fits all thing. and there’s never even a guarantee that my advice will be the right choice

so since i don’t know about your situation or experiences or what you want, i’m not gonna tell you what to do. i’m gonna focus on the “how do you stay alive” question and try to pen down some personal feelings. and if they help then great, and if they don’t then... this is the most honest i can be

(you can always ask another question to get a better answer. my inbox is a coin slot and i am a vending machine of varied-degrees-of-helpfulness replies offered at varied-inconvenient-too-long-intervals)

how do i stay alive

it’s a 2-parter, actually. i pondered how to condense my thoughts/feelings, and it came down to these two things

1. love 2. spite

1. love

the spite is easier to write about than the love. love is hard to reach when i feel like shit.

spite is where i go when i want to die. love is where i go when i want to want to live.

maybe i don’t want to be alive. but maybe i wish i did. spite doesn’t help me much there. spite keeps me afloat, but it doesn’t make the floating pleasurable. there’s more to life than outlasting everything that ever hurt me. i need a reason to continue when there’s no enemy to fight

so. love

i almost wrote about the spite alone because that’s rawer, realer, more visceral. that’s the shit that CONNECTS when everything feels hopeless. but it would be a lie of omission. spite is only one of the major food groups, you’ll waste away from malnutrition if you eat it for every meal. or at least, i will.

“so you’ve got a bunch of people you love,” you say, “and you stick around for them. cry on them. support each other. like each other. fine.” you’ve heard this story before

nah.

i mean - yes. i have people i love. i live with two partners, i’ve got a third girlfriend, i’ve got a long-distance platonic life partner. i have a support net, i have a family i’ve forged, i have confidence that i’m not alone. i have, in a bare-bones checklist sort of way, fulfilled my physiological human need for connection

but i could live without every single one of them. i’m not dependent upon any of them for my survival. i’m not dependent upon them for love, given or received. (this isn’t a callous cruelty, it won’t hurt them if/when they read this. i’ve told them all this, they know. they’re glad of it.)

so. what the fuck does “love” mean, then?

the short explanation is that it’s my love of life, of things in the world. it’s all the little connections i’ve made. every time i love something, a hook tethers to the universe. hook enough tethers, and i no longer feel the need to float away. no dissolution of self today, sir

the rest of this section is some of the things i love. partially it’s to show how i connect to little things and ascribe magic to the mundane. partially it’s because i like thinking about things i love, i like typing them out, and i like that i could keep going for thousands and thousands of words.

i am laying in bed at 7:30 AM with the lights off and the shades drawn. blue light comes through the slats because it’s the better time of year, the one where i finally get vitamin D, the one where the birds chirp at 4AM, the one where the sky isn’t impenetrably black til 10PM.

there’s a weighted blanket tucked around my legs. my partner rafi bought it for us to share because it’s soothing and heavy and comforting and helps with my physical pain. right now it’s soft on my skin and if i get too emotional as i write, i can pull it over me like a cloak until i’m settled.

the apartment’s walls are blank because we’ve spent eight months intending to put art up and keep forgetting. but there’s a newly-unearthed dining area in the kitchen because i finally shifted around the unpacked boxes that were dominating the space. it’s new and it surprises me every time i walk out there. it’s open and inviting and bright and it’s a sign that we’re making this place home.

we’ll put a cheap IKEA table by the window and we’ll probably never eat family dinners there - why would we sit in hard chairs and make stiff conversation when we could all cuddle on the couch - but my partner dev will create a place to do their art and the surface will be constantly littered with drying watercolor experiments.

we’ll hang our art one of these days, too, when our collective adhd offers a miraculous combo of remembering + having time + having motivation + having inspiration. rafi has the most art because they’ve been collecting it for years. i have to start smaller. i’m not used to keeping physical objects. dev has a few pieces thrifted or bought at local artist events or painted themselves

so we’ll put art up in the living room, my single “you are magic” flower print alongside a naked monster lady that dev fell in love with when we browsed art at a yuletide event months ago, alongside rafi’s monster girls and comic characters and book characters and literature art and quotes and abstract pieces and whatever else they have hiding in boxes.

my head protests that naked monster ladies do not belong in the living room, although the picture isn’t overtly sexual. but then i remember that they do, actually, because it’s our space and we can do whatever we want with it as long as the lease isn’t broken. there isn’t anyone in the local social circles who’d be perturbed by the decor, as far as i know. i don’t have to hide anything from my parents because i live 3600 miles from them, and even though i miss my mom, the distance is good for me

there are two exquisite chairs on the porch. they fold and recline from thrones to nearly-horizontal beds. there are pillows and cupholders and trays and specific spaces for both a book and a phone. i can sit there while the morning sun rises and read or play word games or browse tumblr, cup of coffee beside me, trees shielding my eyes from stabby sunbeams

there are remnants of the last tenant’s garden in one corner of the yard. we’ve done fuckall for yardwork but plants struggle through anyway. some seem to have sprouted by accident. mushroom clusters populate the edges of the fence. the apartment squirrel (there are probably several, but i like to think it’s a single energetic creature) runs back and forth along the fence & i always lose my train of thought & then laugh my ASS off at the “SQUIRREL! XD” adhd moment. birds kick up leaf litter and play on the ground looking for insects to eat, they wiggle their tail feathers and flap their wings and sometimes they disappear and then return with friends

a little more than eleven months ago, i packed all of dev’s and my shit into a uhaul and drove and drove and drove to get to this city i’d never been in before to live with a partner i’d never cohabitated with. we were homeless for more than a month, we weathered some financial disasters, we met some great people and some shitty ones

on the drive i fell in love with the sky. i didn’t know how big it can get - actually, that’s a lie. i’d FORGOTTEN how big it can get. i’ve loved the sky thirty miles out to sea, no land in sight in any direction, just blue water and blue space above. i’ve loved the vastness and the yawning beneath me and the knowledge that everything is BIGGER than i can fathom. the depth of the sea doesn’t frighten me, it’s home. i don’t want to die, but if i had to, the ocean makes a soothing grave

in north dakota i discovered that i’ve been partially blind my whole life, which is a different tale that showed me i’ll never stop learning myself. in montana we struggled up thousands of feet of mountains with the car huffing and puffing at the trailer’s weight, and when we finally coasted downward, it felt like sudden freefall. we ended up in the pitch darkness of night on sheer winding interstates with midnight construction projects forcing detours. the mountains felt hungry, they had teeth. mountain cliffs are much scarier to me than the ocean depths

i bought a red bull and poured a little out the driver’s side door as an offering to hermes, because i’m not particularly religious but i’ll take help where i can get it. slammed that back in a few gulps and shook to bright-eyed alertness and ended up behind a slow-driving red pickup truck that guided us over about a hundred miles of mountain terrain

i thought, that’s just some construction worker driving between sites. the roads are empty at this time of night, but it’s an interstate. of course we’d end up behind someone. this isn’t divine intervention. this isn’t the benevolence of a god

i thought, but it can be a little magic. if i want it to be.

and it was. it stays with me.

god help me but i’ve been writing this stream of consciousness for more than 30 minutes and i’ve said nothing. i haven’t talked about the city, the parks, the people, the conversations, the books, the tv shows, the movies, the communities, the library, the animals, writing, reading, singing, acting, swimming, analyzing, creating, supporting, building. and i can keep going. i can come up with hundreds and hundreds of things i love and i can write paragraphs about all of them

so i’ll stop here. you get the picture. love is the life i’ve made for myself, the surroundings i’ve built, the quiet moments i can capture, the inspiration i pin, the magic i commit to memory.

i had to work so damn hard for every single bit of this.

i’ll be fucking damned if i let it go because my brain tried to trick me into thinking death is better.

2. spite

there are people who want me to die.

i don’t mean that i have a giant entourage of personalized enemies who curse my name and plan my individual demise. although there have been plenty of people who have not liked me much. probably some of them would enjoy my death. i don’t give a shit about that

there are people who want me dead because i am a dot on a grid they dislike. a faceless anonymous enemy who meets too many bad criteria with numbers and percentages and shrinking majorities and shifting public opinion

because i’m gay. because i’m bipolar. because i’m autistic. because i’m a dropout. because i grew up poor. because my spine curves and my shoulders ache. because i squandered my potential, because i didn’t have enough potential, because i didn’t love god enough, because i love the wrong gods, because i don’t worship, because i worship wrong, because i didn’t seek a husband, because i never wanted one, because i talk too much, because i can’t be controlled, because i chose to leave the fold when i realized it was suffocating me, because i’m ugly, because i’m gorgeous, because my body belongs to me

pick your poison.

this bothered me growing up, a lot. i knew i did not deserve to die. but if enough people tell you that you should, a little part of you will wonder if they’re right. that little part might become bigger the closer they get and the louder they shout and the longer they wear you down

we know the rough shape of this story, i don’t need to tell it. mine was messy and not triumphant and i survived more by chance than premeditation.

i’m older now. by and large i’m still young as shit - i’m 24 - but GOD i am LEAGUES away from 15, 16, 17. i know who i am. i know what i want. i know how to get it. and when i don’t know that, i find out. i tell the truth. i ask for what i want. i use my time how i want. i do what i want.

there are days that i can’t access the “love” side of the equation. no finding poetry in birdsong or sugared coffee for me, thank you, i feel like shit and the world is awful and everything is too big and fast and cruel and everything wants me to die and it wants everything i love to die, too. everyone i love. it’s all garbage. the good doesn’t touch me

trauma is difficult to describe. the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my trauma is influenced by my various neurodivergences, bipolar included. i never know if i’m feeling what other people do. i don’t know if i’m voicing unpalatable feelings others are afraid to express - or if i’m just othering myself, admitting i’m not as human as everyone else.

there is something malevolent and monstrous inside me. i don’t touch it all the time. but i don’t pretend it isn’t there. it sits in my chest and molders or radiates or oozes. it presses at my throat. it curdles in my stomach. it hurts what it touches, whether that’s me or someone i love or someone i hate. it sets things aflame with no regard for the precious or the fragile. it tears down walls and razes shelters and begs for apocalyptic rain.

i can give this thing names, clinical descriptors. i know what it is on a diagnostic chart, in a ponderous article, in an academic debate, in a fiction novel, in a war movie, in a memoir. there are a thousand ways to describe this thing. the descriptors aren’t important. what is important is this - i have learned that most people do not walk side-by-side with a tornado-hurricane-hellfire-weaponized-open-nuclear-reactor. this is not a “normal” expression of human emotion, this is not me trying to ascribe power to “bad bipolar feelings.” this thing lives in me and i know why it’s there and it is not designed to be held/silenced/muzzled/controlled by my body.

it does not help to pretend this thing does not exist. it does not help to try to reason it away or ignore it or tell it to stop. it wants what it wants, it does what it does. possibly if i was better at therapy or stubbornness then i wouldn’t resign myself to that

but it is fucking EXHAUSTING to try to fight something that’s part of me. to try to reshape it, rename it, pare it down, make it consumable for the masses. it’s a war i have never won and it’s a war that i will lose if i keep fighting it. i cannot fight with myself. i cannot beat my monster into submission. if we’re gonna battle like that, head to head, me trying to cut it down, me trying to be the hero, it rearing back like a fire-breathing dragon,

then it’s stronger. it’s always stronger.

so i surrender.

but that’s not where i stop.

can’t fight it. can’t kill it. can’t muzzle it. can’t reshape it, can’t disarm it, can’t contain it.

alright.

so what now.

if the surrender was a full giving-up, this is where i’d passively accept that i’m doomed to hurt and destroy everything precious to me. can’t fix it. will lose everything, will never experience or deserve happiness, will make the world worse simply by existing.

that sure does sound like impending-doom rhetoric. hop skip and a jump from some dire-ass conclusions.

so fuck that, i say.

here’s a better question.

if it has to get out, then what happens if i control where it goes?

here’s the thing.

the monster doesn’t care what it kills or destroys or hurts.

“have a conscience, care about things, remember love, stop yourself, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this.”

losing battle. lost war.

it’s not the monster’s fault. the monster doesn’t have complex motivations or hates or fears. it exists to protect me through scorched earth. a remnant of a chemical imbalance, maladaptive coping mechanism, bipolar crazy, traumatized injury. it doesn’t know that its job is obsolete.

i can’t change the monster.

but my mind is a separate thing. my mind knows what matters, what my priorities are, what i find precious, what i want to protect. my mind remembers all the things the monster doesn’t.

my mind has learned things the monster can’t.

when i fight it head-on, the malevolence is stronger than me. but as i am, walking with it, sitting in my bed writing this while examining the void and the consciousness, describing it, quantifying it,

that’s when i’m stronger.

and with my mind as the stronger force, i can decide where the monster goes. what it touches. what it destroys. what it burns. where the ashes land.

i do not want to be a destructive person. i want to be someone who builds, repairs, changes. i want to make the world better for kids like me. i want to stop pouring more gasoline onto a fire that’s been burning since long before i was born. i want to believe - i do believe - that positive change is better than negative. i do my best to plant good things and enact that positive change instead of becoming a beacon of wrath.

but there are a lot of kids surrounded by people who want them to die, and not all of them have a protective monster.

so it’s good.

when i’m depressed, my mind loses its battles. my cognizance slips. i forget why i care. i forget what i want. i forget how happiness feels, how to find pleasure in quiet moments.

i don’t get depressed as often as i used to since my meds are adjusted correctly now. but it still happens. it will keep happening for the rest of my life.

my mind weakens and curls up and stops fighting, and the monster is always there.

it’s a very powerful thing when it wants to be.

it wants to survive.

the thing is, it knows there are people that want me/us/whatever dead. it’s been fighting them forever. die like they want? my mind says, sure, what does it matter.

the monster says, nah. our work isn’t done. and fuck them, anyway.

so we get up.

so that’s how i stay alive.

i typed this for 90 minutes and after editing i’d spent two hours on this post. i don’t know if anyone will read it all. i don’t know if it’ll mean anything. i don’t know if these thoughts even make sense, much less if i’ve conveyed the feelings i have.

i love being alive. and when i don’t, i love being a monster. it’s good. all of it is good. i’ve reconciled my uglier pieces. it’s not one or the other, love or spite. it’s symbiosis. i need both, i love both.

no guarantees that this is helpful, but based purely on my own life experience, these are my tips for survival:

you’ll have to find your own roots. i can’t give them to you.

but it’s possible to dig them in and spread them far enough that one uprooted peg doesn’t shift your whole equilibrium.

and when you’re tired, rest, and let yourself be tired, and find the reason why you’re staying in the world.

i’m positive there’s at least one.

figure out why you’re losing your battles and then change the game.

if you can’t win one setup, don’t try to beat the system. adjust your strategy.

you’ll be surprised by what you can love when you stop fighting the disparate pieces of you, and instead figure out how to use them.

#i have several other questions to answer in my inbox if you've asked me st over the past few weeks #im not ignoring it im figuring out how to phrase my reply #replies #bipolar blogging #actuallybipolar #my writing #life advice #long post #REALLY long post #it's under a read more but if mobile deletes it i apologize #c ptsd tag #suicide m #ok to reblog #Anonymous

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cyberlifefortune · 5 years ago

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Users Manual

Use Search Function and Key Words to skip portions and find what you’re looking for.

Interaction Generalizations.

Just be nice. The meaner and more impatient you are, the less inclined I am to interact. It’s how to push me far, far, FAR away from you; I’m anxious, tired, old af and just here to relax. Please don’t hesitate to DM or Inbox me, the WORST thing that could happen is I say no thank you right? Unless you’re being a dick and then the worst thing is I ignore and block. But I mean if you’re coming in prolapse first, I’m probably not going to give the time of day. So.... Be nice!

I cut my lengths, usually by approx 2-4 posts depending how short/long our responses are.

Responses/One Liners/ParaRP

Please don’t hesitate to write as much as you feel appropriate. If you write a para novella response, I will do my best to give back what I have been given, but please don’t treat it like a high school essay (Don’t double space, HEADERize everything and then add a lot of cushioning words, or repeat yourself unnecessarily. I want to be able to respond to you too!). If you seem disinterested, please don’t suffer through a thread, I am happy to finish a thread if you feel that it is done and spent or have no muse for it. We can start another or plot or even just leave it there until we have the muse for their interactions again.

I personally prefer Para, or longer, but sometimes my time constraints only allow for so much and I will understand for yours as well. Don’t feel bad if I slam you with a paratellenovella in a six part series and you only put out a few paragraphs; sometimes it’s a lot of establishing and internalizing for characters that I enjoy exploring too! Don’t feel that you have to match letter counts or length. You write what you want and if we don’t feel it then there is no hard feelings.

Starters.

If they’re tagged as an open thread, please feel free. If it’s open to mutuals only, please respect it. If you want to interact and you want something along that plot; Message me. You’ll be much better received this way than you will be if you insert yourself into threads not meant for you. Closed starters are strictly meant for those my partner(s) and I have tagged. If we bring some one else in, it is not an invitation to slide in like a Stop Light Bar.

Ask threads/Separated Open Starters

If it’s a thread that you are continuing with me, please don’t hesitate to start a separate thread with it! I’ll appreciate it, and believe me, so will you; no dealing with other threads that might stem from it, no dealing with the likes of acknowledgement from the rest of the rp community, and a much neater, easier to use posting format.

Are you posting an open starter? ahhh.... I might... have to message you. I’m quite anxious that people are overwhelmed with threads so I will likely message you regarding it first. If you are overwhelmed, tell me. I do not take offense. We can plot when you have time and if you feel it. I promise I’m not ignoring your starters; I’m just very anxious. If there is something that you would like to plot please just tag me randomly or DM me! I will do my best to reciprocate this as well! I just need time; I’m anxious and sometimes it counterbalances my meds and I’m more ‘FLEE’ than I am ‘BREATHE’.

TRIGGERS/WARNINGS/READ MORES

Triggers; I have none. I really dislike slamming a random thing into an established thread, but I’m not against it in most aspects. What do I mean by this? Please don’t have a cute thread going with me and then BAM CHAR A IS NOW RAGING ANGRY THAT CHAR B IS DOING THIS THING WE NEVER ESTABLISHED HAPPEN. Now if Char A is angry because Char B said something offensive (meant or not) and Char A lands a punch on B; then, Yes. I do not mind this. If you leave an action open, I will use my discretion whether or not it lands (Keep in mind I do love seeing how androids in distress will behave on any/given terms). If I leave an action open to your discretion of being hit or dodging, please do not JUST dodge it every time. I’m trying to give you the option of progressing a fight, not feed you pudding through a straw. As far as violence, gore, etc; I do not mind it. If it gets too gory, we will use RMs or fade it. If it’s too kinky then I will tag and possibly read more it. It all depends on it’s severity and the warning.

Warnings for me are often forgotten; it’s not out of disrespect but because I DO forget. I have lots of things I need to study and RP wise, recalling a hundred and eighty four details is not exactly a priority. It’s not that you’re not important as a partner; it’s that I can fix it if you bring it up with me and we’re adults. I will do my best but please, understand, sometimes I need reminding.

Read mores I forget more often than not, if I use them at all. xkit has a blacklist function. Please use it as it’s more reliable than I am if sex/etc offends you (though if it does I’m not sure what is compelling you this far into my blog). If my partner uses/requests them, I can often remember since they will likely be using them as well, but if I’m using them for a sole reason of this trigger then I’ll likely forget.

Late replies/Slow Replies/Ignored Replies

As a general rule I will do my best to respond to threads as often as my time constraints give me, but that also relies on how me or Connor responds to the thread/the topic/muse. Late replies will likely happen as I’m quite slow at times. If I respond to thread A three or four more times before I respond to thread B, it’s just because I feel thread A more. It doesn’t mean that I dislike our thread, it’s just based on what Connor is willing to do as a muse at that moment. If it feels like I’m ignoring your reply; has it been a few days? You can prod me if I’m responding regularly and come off like I’ve gotten through most of my threads, but if it’s been a week or two please prod me. I might not have seen it, or have forgotten about it. Do not, however, ask me why I respond to Thread C more than that thread, guilt me, try to manipulate me or get short with me. I’m here to have fun, not as a compulsive demand. I am a human just like you and sometimes life just happens to overwhelm me more often than you or the next person. Thank you for understanding, though!

Magic Anons/Topic Suggestions/Anon

MA will be accepted most days, but please give me a time frame for it or I will assume it as three days MY time, or if it is something that I don’t see taking a significant amount of time X amount of hours that I’ll choose myself. IE MA!Connors a real boy. No time? I’ll select for you. Connor as a real boy would be lovely, so I would likely suggest three days. MA!Connor is stuck in his suit for a week! A week? That’s insanely long, I will take liberty and shorten the time to a few days, or I’ll just override it/ignore it. Topic suggestions are adorable and sometimes quite interactive and fun! You get content you like, I get a topic to try with my partner(s) and every one wins! Maybe a few people don’t but that, again, is what xkit is for. Anons will be interacted with as Civilians or generic Androids. Regularly visiting Anons will be named and respectively tagged to the best of my ability. Any anon hate, call out anons, gate keeper anons, fussing anons will be just ignored. No skin off my back, none off of Connors, and even less off of the rest of my follower base. If Anons are inboxing for critique or an opinion asked for- then I’m happy to respond or even read them, I may post them, I might not. It is all up to me. It’s my blog, my Connor and if you dislike him, why is you here? It’s not meant to sound rude, but there are many of us out there, find some one that makes you happy.

Discord/IMs

Strictly for Mutuals or for those I would like to interact more with! If I’m actively giving it to you- I’m excited, please feel free to take it or don’t. If You want it, ask, but understand that I might decline or I may accept it. Please don’t pressure me. I would never pressure you.

Duplicates

Hello other Connors and RK800s alike! You’re welcome here. I’m not here to compete and monopolize; you will each have your own universe with CyberLifeFortune, unless you state with me otherwise. Your worlds will not cross with other RK800/Connors unless we establish. I welcome each of you!

Cross Overs

Please yes! But please, lets figure it out first! Who has the master realm? Are we smashing them together? Making a whole new world? What are we doing, friendo? Lets talk!

OCS

Hello! It’s a hit or miss with me! I prefer fleshed out characters with their own sets of flaws, ups, downs, perfections and quirks. Things that will quickly turn me off of a character, please respect that this is only personal preferences, are inserts, selfserts, Sues, confusing characters, drama/tragic types (IE whole family dead. Became a ninja, almost died of abuse, saved by a four legged fox with 72 tails that died shortly after training. Turns out they were kami status legend and this char is taking their place but no one believes in them so they are dying and doki doki club literature inspired their life). Fun parody characters are well received too! Hi there Sumo Rpers, Super minor cameo androids and/or Officer Wilson (Sweet Cop saved on the rooftop in Mission one)

Shipping

I do not do autoships unless we discuss it. I refuse to continue a thread in which some one is forcing a relationship or has inserted themselves into Connors life. He does not have children, he doesn’t have ‘file’ children (Like the child Cortana makes in Halo), Connor doesn’t have adopted children he doesn’t know about. If you want to autoship please talk to me. If you want it enough you’ll prod me! Think of it this way; we can scream about it together and yell about it as long as we want and then we totally get to do it if we’re both in agreement!

I have no real preference to who/what Connor does. Likely if they exist in the game I’m down to ship them (this includes Rk900s, Gavins, Hanks, etc). I’m purely curious to see what this muse clicks with. I have every right to say no as much as you do. Keep in mind that unless we establish it I play him with his genitalia but he will not be a Traci type. He is and always will be RK800 model.

If you would like to write the raunchy; yes. If you’d like to fade to black; yes. Do you want them to be suggestive? Sure. Kinks? Name it- I’ll try it. I refuse scat and vomit. Like. Hard nopes. Both make my skin crawl and I just get squeamish in those regards. You do you, but I would appreciate not those two please and thank you; much appreciated.

#Model; RK800CLF User Manual

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haroldssfedora · 6 years ago

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Don’t Force It (Harry Styles Imagine Part 2)

The first part really got a lot of notes and a lot of you have been messaging me to continue it, so here ya go! Tell me if I should still continue.

For those who have not read Part 1, here you go!! Part 1

Also! Send me songs that you think can fit Harry and Y/N’s situation! Request and send feedbacks HERE

MASTERLIST

ENJOY!!!!

Y/N’s POV

The interview and performance finally ended. I was exhausted beyond doubt and was all ready to just lie around the house and catch up on sleep.

“That was a great performance, Y/N!” My manager, Erika, said. “We don’t have anything more scheduled for today besides this, so you can go home and get some rest. Remember, James Corden carpool karaoke shoot tomorrow morning, Apple Music commercial shoot in the late afternoon.”

I nodded and thanked her for today. I went to my dressing room to freshen up, but to be met by my phone lighting up from notifications from various social networking platforms. I quickly went to the app to be met with hundreds of tweets about the performance.

@fanacc1

@Y/NOfficial SLAYED that performance #Y/NonEllen

@fanacc2

@Y/NOfficial im so gay for you #Y/NonEllen

@fanacc3

Ok... what just happened... @Y/NOfficial tried to kill me with her sexiness THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED... I still love you tho #Y/NonEllen

Reactions like these always make me smile. I took the time to like and reply to a few of them when I noticed a certain tweet that got my attention.

@Harryfanacc1

@Y/NOfficial... On behalf of @Harry_Styles, we sincerely apologize for not being treated well @Y/NOfficial #Y/Ndeservesbetter #Y/NonEllen

I then noticed that #Y/Ndeservesbetter was trending worldwide.

It was about what I said about the songs.

I saw a few tweets that were directed towards Harry. Some were words of kindness but most of them were just plain downgrading.

@Y/Nfanacc1

WTH @Harry_Styles you wrote a song about Taylor Swift but you can’t write songs about your girlfriend of three years? #Y/Ndeservesbetter

@1Dfanacc12

@Harry_Styles wrote a song about Townes in Carolina but not @Y/NOfficial… weird #Y/Ndeservesbetter

Oh, no.

Harry!

I exited the Twitter app to be met with 12 missed calls all from Harry. A few text messages of ‘Call me back’s’ were also left unread in my inbox. Thinking of the worst, I quickly dialed his number but was led to his voicemail.

Panicking, I dialed his number once more but was met with a text that said ‘In the studio, might take a while so don’t wait up. I love you. x’

Sighing in relief, I quickly cleaned up and packed up with the rest of the crew. My driver loaded up the van and brought me home. I was too tired to even unload the dirty clothes in my bag and was out like the light in mere seconds, enjoying the comfort of the bed that I love so much.

Harry’s POV

WHY IS THIS SO DAMN HARD?!

“Harry, relax. You don’t have to finish this by tonight. I’m sure Y/N would understand.” Jeff said, rubbing his face to rid of any sign of hopelessness.

“She would, but that will make me more of a dick,” I said, slumping on the office chair inside the studio beside the equipment. “She wrote what, eight songs about me. And what did I give her? Nothing. Zero. Absolutely nothing. I never wrote a song about her, not even a song that didn’t make it in the album. What does that make me look like?”

“It’s not your fault-”

“But it is! Why is it so damn hard to write a f***ing song about her?!” I said, starting to pull on my growing hair.

“Alright, this is not just about a song. Speak up.” Jeff said, rolling his seat towards mine and patting me on my back. “C’mon. What’s pushing you to write a song about her?”

“It’s just... what the people are saying is true. Y/N deserves better. She deserves someone who can write billions of songs all about her.” I said, wiping a few stray tears that started forming. “She’s... she’s the person who would change your life. You know what I mean?” Jeff nodded in understanding and let me continue.

“She has made everything worth it for me. If touring and being away from her will lead us to an easy life together, where she wouldn’t need to lift another finger ever again, in the future, I’m willing to do it. She is it for me, mate. I... I can’t explain what I’m feeling but I just want to spend the rest of my life with her. And writing about my other relationships besides ours? It makes it look like she doesn’t mean anything, but that’s not the case. I don’t want her thinking that way.”

“I can’t lose her. She’s home for me.”

Y/N’s POV

My nap took longer than expected. I checked the time and saw that it was almost seven in the evening. Looking for any signs of Harry’s presence, I was surprised to see none. I got ahold of my phone and sent him a message.

Y/N: Haven’t seen you all day... I’ve missed you xx

H: Taking a little longer here at the studio. I miss you too x

Y/N: Are you gonna eat dinner there?

H: Probably, yeah.

Y/N: oh, ok. Love you xx

H: Love you too x

This then gave me the idea of bringing food for Harry at the studio. I made my way to the kitchen to prepare all the ingredients needed for his favorite pasta and immediately got cooking.

Arriving at the studio’s building, I was met with the secretary smiling at me.

“Ms. Y/N! Mr. Styles is using Studio 3 as of the moment. Want me to tell them you’re here?” Jodie said.

“No thanks Jodie, I’ll just enter. Brought some dinner for them as well.” I said. raising the blue bag that contained the pasta, as well as a few cans of beer to help them relax. “Oh, here. Have some.” I said, reaching for a separate pack which I specifically made for her.

“Thank you so much, Ms. Y/N. You’re so thoughtful.” I reciprocated the greeting and made my way to the studio.

As I was about to knock, I heard a triumphant scream from the inside.

“Knock, knock!” I said, peeking my head inside to see Harry, Jeff, and the band all surrounding the equipment. A chorus of hellos and heys welcomed me in. I showed them the dinner I made and they all said their gratitudes and dug in. Harry, on the other hand, was still busy by the booth.

“Love, eat some dinner first. It’ll help.” I said.

“No, I have to finish this by tonight.” He said, pulling on his hair. He only does this when he’s frustrated.

“Why are you in a rush? You just released an album that is now number one in over 84 countries. Give yourself some time to relax.” I said, tugging on his jumper sleeves.

“No, I have to finish this for you.” He said, almost too soft for me to hear. But I heard it.

The interview.

“H, if this is about the interview, it’s nothing really. I never thought that it will blow up like that.” I said.

“But it deserved to blow up like that. I’m a dick of a boyfriend to have written songs about other women and not write songs about you.”

“Some things just can’t be forced, H. Don’t force it. Ok?” I said, giving a small peck on his cheek.

“I don’t want you to leave me because of this.” He said, finally looking at me.

“I won’t,” I replied, caressing his cheek to calm him down.

“You wrote eight songs about me, Y/N. Eight! And I wrote none. That has to change.” He said, removing my hand and going back to work.

“Harry, I said don’t force it.”

“But I have to.”

“BUT YOU CAN’T!” I shouted, finally losing my temper. “You can’t rush a song in a day if the inspiration is not there.”

“It is there! It’s just-”

“Harry! It’s not! Can’t you take the hint?!” I said, tears now forming. “I’m sorry that I haven’t made such an impact that writing a song is such a problem.”

“Y/N-”

“Songwriting is such a beautiful process that you have to trust on. You can’t force it like what you’re doing now.” I said, standing up. “I don’t need a song written for me to believe that you love me.”

And with that, I walked away.

#one direction preferences #one direction imagines #one direction one shots #one direction writings #one direction au memes #one direction masterlist #1d imagines #1d preferences #1d one shots #1d writings #harry styles imagines #one direction

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deadgwen · 7 years ago

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hi so this is just a message for when u get back - i love u. ur blog makes me so happy and i love how ur always so full of energy and happy to talk to ppl. it's so so sweet. and ur love for ur friends? omg adorable (the thesis on meda was the fucking cutest) anyway. i love u, i miss u, but i hope ur taking time for urself to feel good again. sending lots of cuddles and sunshine ur way xxx

LISTEN,,,, WHOEVER U ARE,,,,,, u sent this two months ago now and ive!!!! been hoarding this message for so long truly SO GOD DAMNED LONG BC??? I??? DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY?????? I CANNOT THINK OF A RESPONE 2 THIS ASK I AM SO TAKEN ABACK BY THIS ALRIGHT!!! I AM OUT HERE!!!!!!! JUS TRYING TO DO MY LAUNDRY!!!!! AND NOT DIE!!!! AND U!!!! PULL TRHU!!!! WITH THIS!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK BITCH!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ive read this six hundred times at the very least i absolutely one hundred percent do not deserve this love!!! i do not!!!! i wore vests in fucking year three AND I THOUGHT IT WAS LIT (it was not) i do not deserve this love i REPEAT i do NOT DESERVE THIS LOVE this is just,,,, the most kind and considerate thing i am in shambles to say the least i am SHAKEN i am RATTLED i will NEVER BE THE SAME and tbh i am vageuly concerned bc ive had this ask in my inbox for a solid two months at this point and every time i read it i cannot process it and one of these days im gunna wind up having an emotional breakdown as i SWACK every god damn word of this into my eyeball REPEATEDLY bc I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U i love u so much i am so lucky thank u for this i love u i do not deserve this love bc i am literally like that string of drool thats too long to suck back in im not sure where i was going with this it is tough out here for a relatable blogger but Please God Let Me Die For You I LOVE U id shout u a frozen coke theyre just as beautiful as this message and only $1 which is SPECTACULAR considering i spent the last of my money on this sick tea towel which was $37.60 alright DM ME OFF ANON AND LET ME KNOW WHAT DAY WHAT TIME WHAT HOUR AND WHERE I CAN YEET MYSELF OUT AN EIGHTH STORY WINDOW FOR U I LOVE U MADLY

#ME (CHANTING): I LOVE U!!! I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE!!!!!! U!!!!! SO !!! MUCH!!!!#IM GOING 2 FUCKING CRY THERE IS NO WAY I DESERVE THIS THANK U FOR THIS UR SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL AND KIND I AM IN THE CLUB AND I AM NOT ALR #GOD!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!! THANK U FOR THIS THANK U FOR THIS I LOVE U SO MUCH I LOVE U SO MUCH I JUST......... I #💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💞💗💞💗💕💗💞#SAVE #ANSWERED #ANON #NICE PPL #anon #answered

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kadobeclothing · 5 years ago

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The Guide to Workplace Communication Channels You Didn’t Know You Needed

Emails and IMs and shared docs — oh my! With all the different communication channels we use every day at work, it’s easy to miss their nuances. Sure, email seems like a good go-to, but it has its downsides. And what about Google Docs or Confluence pages? When should they be open vs. restricted? Let’s be real: these are not questions that keep us up at night. Nonetheless, choosing the right channel for the message is a great way to boost productivity and reduce the frustrations of working with others. That’s why we put together this handy-dandy guide to using email, chat, documents, and real-time communication. You’ll notice a strong bias toward making information discoverable whenever it’s practical (and sometimes when it’s not) so as not to accidentally create information silos. But there’s no sense in overwhelming your colleagues with more information than they can absorb or need, either. So you’ll also find tips for walking the line between sharing and oversharing.

Communicating Via Email Best for: Sharing content housed in shared docs or Confluence pages with the relevant people. That’s the ideal. But of course, we’ll still use email to forward articles to co-workers, communicate with people outside the company, etc. The main thing is not to use email for lengthly, in-depth discussions and decision-making – that’s a job for shared docs and pages. For example: “Hey team, here’s that project brief I mentioned earlier. Please read through it in the next day or two and drop comments with your feedback. Thanks!” And remember … If you find yourself in a long email thread, it’s perfectly acceptable to say, “Let’s move this conversation to Slack. I’ve created a room called <name> and invited you all” or “Let’s shift this to Confluence, I’ve moved all the content from this thread to a page”. Here’s a handy-dandy email decision tree we made. Yeah, we mapped it all out.

Communicating Via 1-to-1 Chat Best for: Quick discussions or questions with a single person. If you don’t need an answer urgently, let them know when you do need it so they can prioritize it appropriately. This is especially important when working with people several time zones away. For example: “I can’t make the meeting, could you fill in for me?” “Hey, haven’t seen you in a while — how are you doing? How’s your evil cat? Did those scratches ever heal?” And remember … Compose and send the whole message in one go. Don’t send “Hi!” and then wait for a response before sending the rest. This is distracting and time-consuming because now they have to wait for you to send the real message, and since their concentration is now interrupted, it’s hard for them to do much of value in the meantime. Communicating Via Group Chat Best for: Quick discussions or broadcasts to a group. Be mindful about sending messages that will trigger a pop-up notification for everyone in the room – e.g., the @here and @channel commands in Slack. Both should be reserved for things everyone really needs to know about right now. For example: “Running late. My cat won’t come out from under the house.” “Anyone tried out that new JavaScript framework? Is it any good?” And remember … There’s rarely a good reason to lock down chat rooms. Private rooms are just another silo, after all! Communicating Via Shared Documents and Wiki Pages Best for: Content that multiple people will collaborate on, or that is likely to change over time. If your work is in the early stages and you aren’t ready for feedback yet, put a prominent note or banner at the top of the page. Restricting access to the page often leads to the work being shared too late, when it’s hard to incorporate feedback. Plus, locked pages breed a culture of distrust. For example: “Parental Leave Policy” “Platform Engineering team goals: FY19 Q3” “Photos of Atlassian cats” And remember … Give your pages titles that convey context. “Project plan” might make sense in a certain page or folder hierarchy, but that information isn’t included when sharing the page with collaborators or notifying them of changes. So be explicit in titles, even if you end up repeating context from parent pages. Communicating Via Internal Blog Posts Best for: Internal announcements about point-in-time events and achievements that won’t be updated later. Yes, you could use email in such cases. But putting it on your intranet allows people to share their thoughts by commenting on the page. Nobody wants endless reply-alls of “Hooray!” and “+1!” cluttering their inbox. For example: “Congratulations to Maria on her promotion to principal engineer!” “Cat-lovers club is meeting this Saturday (bring laser pointers)” “Jira 9.0 has shipped!” And remember … When sharing, include a useful message so people can decide whether it’s relevant to them. “This is a wrap of our team’s experiment with remote work with lessons your team can learn from” is useful. “Check out this blog” is not. Communicating In-person or Via Video Call Best for: Anything that can be resolved faster by just talking, plus anything sensitive, difficult, or emotional. Being face-to-face is best so you don’t miss out on non-verbal signals like posture or facial expressions. If you’re spread across different offices, take advantage of all the recent advances in video calling. Tools like Zoom make it easy to fire up a video chat (even if you don’t have a Ph.D. in IT). For example: “Do you have a few minutes to talk about the project’s scope? I’m not sure the discussion in Slack is getting us where we need to be.” “After yesterday’s incident, I’d rather you didn’t bring your cat into the office anymore.” And remember … For quick, impromptu video calls, just take it right there at your desk. Jumping up to find a private room often takes longer than the conversation itself! The sound of you talking is no louder than any other conversations that happen in our work areas, so don’t stress about distracting your teammates. Putting your headphones on is considered polite, though. There you have it! These guidelines help Atlassians be efficient and productive while upholding our “open company, no bullshit” value. Both of us (Penny and Sarah, your intrepid co-authors) have been with the company since we were just a few hundred people and can attest to how important open, smart communication practices have been as we’ve scaled. Now, as a team of a few thousand, these practices are more important than ever. Each organization has its own unique culture around sharing information and using various communication channels. Use this guide as your starting point, and keep iterating to make your communication culture awesome.

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source https://www.kadobeclothing.store/the-guide-to-workplace-communication-channels-you-didnt-know-you-needed/

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alanajacksontx · 6 years ago

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How I got 80% open rate in my email outreach campaign

The suggestion that you could have 80% of your outreach read by recipients sounds like a pipedream — an astronomical figure designed to keep people plugging away on their outbox.

With such a small canvas of visible information in a recipient’s inbox to work with, it can feel like enticing four out of every five targets to open your email is impossible.

But if you incorporate the right approaches, then it can very much become a reality. Just to give you the heads up, here’re some results we’ve managed to get in our recent outreach campaign:

In the following article, I’ve explored the ingredients needed to get 80% of your outreach messages viewed. So perhaps you’d like to pour yourself a coffee and brace yourself for an awful lot more audience interaction in the near future — the caffeine might come in handy.

Identify your targets

There are five key factors behind achieving a high open rate in your email outreach, and the first and most important is through identifying the right recipients.

A common mistake among many outreachers is their shotgun approach to distributing emails. While scattering mail across the internet into as many inboxes that can be sourced may seem like a good, time-saving and quantitative technique, it actually wastes more time that could be better invested in finding quality recipients.

Before a successful outreach campaign, you’ll need to dedicate some time to the preparation stage. Identify who your ideal responder would be, whether it’s a client, customer, consumer or collaborator, and work on devising a list of the perfect targets that fit the description.

Through the use of opt-ins and calls-to-action, you can have an interested recipient base come to you with minimal fuss and is a sure-fire approach to sending marketing emails to those most likely to view your content. By inviting your website’s visitors to subscribe to your mailing list via an effective call-to-action placed on your homepage, you get to save time on research and effortlessly come into possession of hundreds of emails – a great outreach method for websites that are in a position to offer a product or service to thousands of people.

For outreach emails with more link-building intentions sourcing becomes more difficult. If you’ve decided to target industry professionals and influencers, then tools like Email Hunter and Voila Norbert could be the answer — these services scour the internet for the relevant email addresses behind just about any active website and can help you hit the bulls-eye when it comes to finding the right people to get in contact with.

Mastering the subject line

According to a poll conducted via Litmus, 34% of recipients believe that an email subject line is the most important factor in helping them to decide to open their mail. This means that over 1/3 of your targets for outreach will be waiting for a perfect heading before clicking on your message.

These stats illustrate how important it is to get your subject line right, and there are many schools of thought behind what’s most effective and what isn’t.

Of course, each subject line will vary depending on the type of outreach you conduct, but the best practice is to appeal to people’s curiosity, to make them believe they’ll be gaining something if they read your email – which of course they will if your campaign has been constructed well enough.

A winning subject line needs to be short, personal wherever possible, and relevant to the topics covered by your email. Sometimes being upfront can be effective, especially when it comes to outreaching savvy marketers and bloggers.

There are a few other factors that can make all the difference in making your email stand out too. Incorporating emojis into your heading may risk your content appearing puerile, but with the vast catalogue of emojis that are more serious than a winking yellow circle with a tongue sticking out, you can really add some standout imagery and colour to your title. For example, travel companies have been using holiday-themed emojis like aeroplanes and city skylines to great effect in capturing the imagination of recipients — if you can find something relevant that appeals to the aesthetics of your email, then it could be a key addition to make.

With so many individuals checking their inboxes via their smartphones, keeping your subject lines short and punchy has never been more important — make sure you get your message across in less than 50 characters.

By adding an element of urgency to your headline, recipients will feel more compelled to check its contents. You can exercise this by adding a sense of limited-time opportunity to your subject, or by inviting them to respond before a deadline — the chances are that they’ll be curious as to what’s caused the urgency and read on.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions in your subject line too — this can be seen as a way of cutting to the chase and getting your message across immediately.

Making use of your preview snippets

Many inboxes have menus that not only feature an unread email’s subject line but a snippet of text from the beginning of a message. It’s important not to neglect the opening lines of your email because this could be a key factor in whether or not it gets read or moved to the ‘junk’ folder.

Litmus has stated that 24% of recipients check the text previews of emails, so it’s worth dedicating time to.

The most important part of nailing your email opening is personalization. Make sure it begins with ‘Dear, [Name]’ or ‘Hi [Name],’ where possible – any less than this will give off the strong impression that you’re simply using templates to scatter across the web (which may well be the case, but we don’t want them to know that).

An effective use of the preview snippet is to treat it like a secondary subject line, or to summarize the email in the first line – doing so could be the deciding factor while your target’s hovering over your message in their inbox. If you’re using an email marketing software, make sure to use these two rules in every template.

Keeping your sender reputation in check

You could have compiled the best list of targeted recipients, the best subject line and opening text, all for it to be undone by a sender score that’s so low that your email drops straight into the junk folder never to be seen again.

Email providers are designed to give their users the best experience. And part of that is through whittling down any perceived junk automatically by filtering out any messages from users with a low sender score.

A sender score is calculated by prior interactions, and how many users generally open your emails. A great website to check if your current email address passes most servers’ junk filters is to consult Senderscore.org, which will let you know how your email is faring, and whether or not your messages will make it to the inboxes of your recipients.

Effective follow-ups

Don’t be afraid to follow up on your emails. It can be easy to perceive the use of follow-ups as a nuisance or spammy, but in reality, a second email tends to work wonders in getting your content noticed.

There are many reasons why recipients don’t read emails the first time around; it could’ve been received at a busy time in their day, or deleted by accident, or simply missed. Here, a follow-up offers your target a second chance to see your content and acknowledge your outreach.

Be sure to specify that your email is a follow-up – this shows that you’ve been in touch prior and clearly value the recipient’s attention. Also be sure to note when you sent your initial email for ease of reference.

While it’s worth sending more than one follow-up email to maximize your recipient’s chances to respond, we advise against mailing more than two chasers in order to limit the risk of being considered spam, or worse, being blacklisted.

Dmytro Spilka is Head Wiz at Solvid Digital. He can be found on Twitter at @spilkadi.

The post How I got 80% open rate in my email outreach campaign appeared first on Search Engine Watch.

from IM Tips And Tricks https://searchenginewatch.com/2019/02/16/how-I-got-80-open-rate-in-my-email-outreach-campaign/ from Rising Phoenix SEO https://risingphxseo.tumblr.com/post/183587630045

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