#i have every other doc that they said id need tho

[apomaro-mellow]

i haaaaaate being an aduuuuult

[usamingif]

How do I get into THE IDOLM@STER?

...is a very frequent question we idolmaster fans get!

I recently got a message from someone asking me if I could make a post answering this question, and I said I would try. I'm very bad at explaining things, but idolmaster is my biggest special interest, and I am always really happy to try to get people into it.

Before we start, I want to remind you that Idolmaster has no localization. All translations are fanmade. Please remember to support translators. I'll leave as many resources as possible. If you have any translators or sites you'd like me to mention, please let me know.

If you're willing to try and get into it, please open the readmore. I wont only be including Cinderella Girls, I'll try to include every branch.

How do I get into THE IDOLMASTER Cinderella Girls?

Alright, I know I said I wouldn't only be including CG, but this is still a deresute gif blog. I know what most of you are here for.

Cinderella Girls is a huge branch. There's 190 idols. I see some people backing out when they realize this, but I don't think that should discourage you! With that many idols, you're guaranteed to find someone for you. And please, just because you think the voiced girls are more worth your time, please check out the unvoiced ones as well.

Alright, but how do you get into it?

There's a lot of Youtube channels that translate different commus from it. From card lines, to memorial commus, to entire events. Simply search "deresute translation" if you'd like. HNKM_days on Twitter also translates most of the events as they come out.

CG's music is great! there's tons of uploads on soundcloud. My soundcloud playlist has about 200-ish songs. You can find a bunch by just searching "idolmaster".

To find more information on a song, search it up on project-imas.

Project-imas is *the* best idolmaster resource I can think of. It's entirely in English, it has every single song, CD, card — anything you can think of. I use it everyday of my life, which might sound sad but I assure you it isn't. Probably.

How do I get into THE IDOLMASTER Million Live?

Sankyuu ML subs on YouTube does a great job at translating mirishita related content! Another personal note I wanna add is that million live has an amazing discography, and full versions of pretty much every song are on Spotify. Even tho the cast is way smaller than Cinderella Girls, there's still a lot to love about the branch. I dont play Mirishita as much as I do some of the other games, but I still consume lots of content from it and it's a lovely branch I definitely recommend you get into. As of writing this post, Mirishita is celebrating it's 6th anniversary! It's a good time to download the game. Remember, you will need a Japanese VPN or Japanese Apple ID to play it. This goes for every imas mobile game.

How do I get into THE IDOLMASTER SideM?

Well, this is where we're gonna have to start getting into the thorny dark side of being an idolmaster fan. SideM is a great branch which I absolutely adore, and all of it's producers are so passionate about it, however.. Bandai Namco has never been kind to it.

This year, it was announced that it's only current running game, THE IDOLM@STER SideM Growing Stars, will be ending it's service. This was extremely sudden, and hard for everyone to handle. This means that there will basically be no way to properly produce the idols. SideM won't fully die, with there being lives and such, but producing the idols is such a big part of this franchise. I don't want to make this post gloomy out of nowhere, I swear. It's just a bit touchy for now.

There's a huuuge translation masterdoc for SideM, if any of the units or characters catch your eye from the project-imas wiki page on SideM, I suggest you search for whatever idols intrigue you most in the doc. As well as the doc, you can search up "#sidemTL" on Twitter for more translations not on the doc. There's so much to love about every unit and idol, I swear it's worth your time! Even tho it's current state might steer you away, I think it's important to still appreciate the branch for what it is. Oh hey, SideM's discography is also on streaming services! Please stream Piece Montee and Secret Ornament.

How do I get into THE IDOLMASTER Shiny Colors?

Here's ones that's been gaining traction! Luckily, it's actually a pretty accessible branch to get into, if you're willing to download the English patch. The gameplay might seem complicated and scary at first, but even that has tons of guides. I think a lot of this post is motivated by my emotions on the franchise, and I'm sorry about that, but I really mean it when I say the writing is incredible.

You can play Shinymas on your web browser here. If you search up "Shiny colors English patch" on google, you can download it using the instructions. If you're still hesitant on playing for whatever reason, you can read episodes recorded in the English patch on YouTube. I'm not exaggerating when I say the writing is amazing.

p.s if you dont care about that then I should let you know there's unlimited free ten pulls when you start the game

How do I get into the original idolmaster games? (765AS + Dearly Stars)

If you specifically want to get into the console games, there's English roms and translations of routes on Youtube, as well. Dearly Stars is currently in a very weird state, tho. You see, the 765AS girls are all in Million Live, and there's a lot of consolemas games they appear in. But for Dearly Stars, there's only one game. Which is, well, Dearly Stars. And 2/3 of the Dearly Stars just.. havent gotten content since?

I think that it's still a game you should check out, tho! There's not a single bad song in it, and even tho 3 idols might seem like an underwhelming number, they're all brilliant and very lovable. As with a good chunk of consolemas games, there's Dearly Stars translations up on YouTube! A really dedicated RyoP posted them all and I am eternally grateful to them for it.

Alright, phew. I wrote half of this at 11 am and procrastinated for a few hours then wrote more at midnight. Remember that project-imas is an insanely good resource and I encourage you to tell me if I should add more things onto this post. 100% of this post was made off the top of my head and based off of my own experience with the games. I want to mention that there's also a channel called "アイマスSUBS" that covers all the branches in terms of translations, and they've got a bunch of those. Have fun, producers!

[rekikiri]

Bonfire jack-o'-lantern cinnamon and fireside! (@stabbyfoxandrew)

bonfire (describe your dream house) - okay kinda long answer because I’ve thought about this many times since once the interest rates are down i will likely be getting a house lmao. apologies for the long answer.

so I want a brick house, preferable the colors kinda muted. either gray and black brick or red and black. idk why it’s just nice to me. for the inside, I want a very open living room and a decently sized kitchen. at least probably 4-5 bedrooms so that if i choose to have or adopt kids they’d each get their own room AND I can keep having a game room/office. (Im in a two bedroom so it’s very convenient to keep all expensive electronics and a lot of my nerd shit away from the other rooms).

(doing a break here)

Id LOVE having a wall full of shelves with one of those ladders to have my own personal library to fill with books and trinkets. and a tall fence to have space for when I get a dog (not getting a dog in an apartment, I cannot consistently walk a dog on a leash and go to parks where I’m at). hopefully no neighbors super close they need to be a bit away from me

jack o’ lantern (if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?) - I already have a few celebrities that I’ve been told I look very similar to (and one who my best friend who once said I look so much like this actress she couldn’t comfortably watch a triggering show). but maybe sandra bullock? she’s one of the prettiest women I’ve ever seen. i don’t do celebrity crushes but if I had to give one, it’d be her (or mariska hargitay!! another pretty pretty lady). I love them <3 genuinely the first two women I remember seeing and being like…woah beautiful lady. and I already have the same hair and eye color so it wouldn’t be like…drastically not me

cinnamon (if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?) - hmmmm not sure. not too far back because I want to have Rights, ya know? maybe gonna steal your answer @stabbyfoxandrew and say be an adult in 90s-00s. I do not want to live in my hometown bc it’s not at all progressive lmao. not sure where tho just maybe somewhere with a higher population but not a big city, idk. boring answer haha

fireside (if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?) - sooo I have a bit of an all over the place preferred styles and also a few things I specifically want. a few of my favorite styles are dark academia, a lot of black and baggy clothes (kinda emo style stuff), and I fucking loveeee sweaters too. I live in a hot and humid state AND I overheat so easily so I cannot wear my preferred clothes that much of the year, and dark academia stuff would be too much money right now for not a lot of use.

specific pieces!! I am dying to buy a few more pairs of highs top platform converse. I love those so much. AND I want a pair of platform doc martens. I have a normal pair but I want Stompy Boot. i also want to not have the issue where i have a primary every day shoe because I’m an anime character apparently and almost exclusively wear one pair of shoes for ages, and only swaps during the new season outfit change. currently they are my red high top platform converse. (before these it was my timberlands lmao).

SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG I JUST HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO SAY IN MY ANSWERS

[iatrophilosophos]

There r also options other than going to the dr FWIW. like do that if you can & wanna and it's almost definitely a good idea to get checked up if people will actually listen, but like, if you read this and think "well I can't do that so I'm just gonna be miserable forever", you still have options! The following is p US-based in the details, fwiw. (Also, depending on where you live, there may be a harm reduction or "womens" health clinic catering to low income people-- oftentimes at these places you can say you're homeless and don't have ID and get free care! Sometimes you don't even have to be sneaky about it)

NONE OF THIS IS MEDICAL ADVICE! I AM LISTING THINGS FOR YOU TO LOOK UP AND FORM YOUR OWN OPINION ON!

One rlly easy otc thing for PMDD symptoms is up to 20mg famotidine (OTC name Pepsid). Many people in online support spaces swear by it and a few of my doctor friends prescribe it. Look for yourself on reddit or Facebook groups and thoroughly evaluate information before deciding to use it every month: pepsid isn't great for your kidneys. Why this works is kinda weird and AFAIK not well understood; immune shit and hormone shit are very closely connected tho

DIY HRT can expand to birth control (as-menstrual-treatment in this instance): many birth control drugs are available through the same routes people buy hrt raws. Again, seek information you trust. Find online communities and discussion groups (though you may have to think slightly outside the box, since it isn't common, but there are people out there who have the info you want). Consider finding the name and publisher of a reputable prescribing guide and downloading a pdf off libgen or Anna's archive. Look up scientific articles for toxicity and warnings-- but, most of these medications are estrogens or progestins, which typically do not have an overdose threshhold but may increase clot risk if used incorrectly over a long period of time. It's possible if you do go to a doc and get a script, you can co-op buy with friends or save up and save a lot of $$ on script fees (most things will be <$5/gram, good fucking deal for shit dosed in milligrams!)

People have been using herbs for shitty menstrual symptoms for thousands of years. Some herbs that come up often are: motherwort, red clover, raspberry leaf, black cohosh. Check contraindications (reasons a medicine might be harmful) from a western medical source like drugs.com, but look up actual usage in a BOOK (i like Matthew wood's Earthwise Herbal set, body into balance by Maria Noel Groves also covers these things in a way that's a bit more accessible but I hate some of her takes. Both available on libgen/Anna's archive) or a VERY REPUTABLE online source (like rjwhelan.co.nz or Henriettes herbs) instead of like, healthline articles, because those suck.

Ultimately like. This is not my favorite post because while it has a grain of truth, sometimes even what a really good doc is gonna say is "this just sucks for you", which you don't neccesarily need a doctor to know how to handle, and good doctors tend to be really inaccessible. it IS TRUE that if your periods are super miserable you should probably do some investigating; and like i said, getting checked out however you can manage is a GOOD IDEA because sometimes stuff IS kinda bad. You're just also not totally fucked if you don't have a doctor; and if your experience is relatively stable (i.e. not rapidly getting worse especially if ur well post-puberty and don't have an extenuating life or medical condition, e.g. being ultrastressed and/or food insecure and/or having an ED will very predictably give you fewer, much worse periods) then even trying some DIY shit for a while and seeing if it helps might be helpful in deciding if it feels important to push harder on finding an OK doc.

Finally: some herbalists and some doulas are quite knowledgeable about these things and usually have super reasonable/sliding scale rates; and they SHOULD want a brief low-down on ur issues to see if they think it's in their scope before a paid consultation (if they don't they're probably shitty anyway); so that can be a good resource in decision making.

So many people who get periods are like “Ugh it sucks that having a menstrual cycle makes you almost die every month” like no that’s not normal you need to go to the doctor

[medical-gal]

Death by a thousand cuts

I have been thinking about writing this for months now. Even before I decided to quit the residency at my previous job.

COVID has been kicking our ass, true, but that was (is) true for most healthcare providers all around the world.

No, my struggle started a bit before that actually.

First some background, I have been working at one of the biggest most famous ID clinics in central Europe. The clinic is in a different country than I am originally from so there was a bit of cultural accommodating at the begging. But we were a big group of ID interns/residents/fellows and specialists.

I don't actually remember that much from my first year working there. And I couldn't figure out why, but then I read in some study that when u experience a high dose of stress and/or sleep deprivation for a long time, your brain kinda stopps being able to transcribe short term memory into a long term.

I was working 100hours/week, sometimes less, sometimes more. After a year and a half, when the last half I worked in the ID ER for five months, I always stayed after working 24 hours, sometimes over 36hours, and I would see and treat 70ish patients. Nobody from the older docs would help me out, nobody from other interns either bc usually they would have their own kind of hell to take care of.

The fact that basically, inexperienced doctors are taking care of patients never really phased my ex-boss. Her mantra was that if there was a problem that you cannot resolve, you can call her and she would advise you. Which most of the time was true, I must say that.

But we all have been young docs, barely out of our medical school garments, and sometimes as it happened, we could not recognize there IS a problem that maybe needs a more experienced opinion.

I am often confronted with this idea or more like a culture, of pretending that once you are an MD you don't need help and asking for it is a kind of weakness and that then you are forever on the list of WEAKLINGS.

And let me say this only once.

That's absolute bullshit.

Anyway, the first time I decided to quit I worked there for about a year and a half, I went for a long-expected holiday, I took three weeks off, had interviews and talked with my bf about my options.

Second thing...my man, bless his beard, would support me no matter what. He is almost 10 years older than me, so he has more work experience and I find it reassuring to discuss stuff like this with him bc I know he will not sugarcoat it. He said that I should dig my heels in and last at least one more year till the end of my "internship". As a "resident" who worked at this specific department, I wouldn't have a problem finding another job. We r basically the equivalent of a french legion of medical professionals (when u work in this specific department and everyone knows it, I will come back to that later).

So I took his advice. Thankfully as a part of our training, one of those parts is a year-long internship at the internal medicine department, which I did shortly after we had that conversation and guys, that was a revelation of how medicine and just...work and life can be experienced. There were enough docs for a floor, an attending who had the time to manage and advise us. I´ve grown that year as a doc so much. Other internships were mandatory so I could have become (equivalent of) a resident, and it was a general surgery, anesthesiology, radiology, microbiology etc. But I did them all and became a resident.

The moment I came back to our clinic, my boss would put me in our outpatient department. Which I have never worked on before. The head of the department has quit a few months before, and I had no idea what to do there, bc it's a very different type work. The only thing my boss told me when I spoke of my concerns were "you will learn".

Thankfully the previous head of the department was a good friend of mine and she would always answer my questions and requests. Suddenly I no longer had to deal with the hectic life of an ID floor or ER, no sepsis, meningitis, etc.

Most of my patients were the chronic type...Lyme, chlamydia, mycoplasma... let's say it literally drained the life out of me. But I managed. Also, I started to work for their outpatient office which takes care of patients with chronic hepatatis. That I enjoyed more.

I also started to dip my toes in vaccinology, either planned like for travel but I started to be more interested in preventive care in the immunocompromised and my own phantasmagoria was to make a palliative care team in our hospital. Bc, we had none. And then a wonderful thing happened, other docs, older experienced, great at their work, started to refer their patients to me specifically.

There were more examples of the utter a complete FUCK U(s) which were kindly provided either by the system or by the head of the department or the hospital.

Then covid hit and the shit hit the interstellar space.

I still can't make myself remember the first few months bc it actually causes me to go into a rage fit, and honestly, I am done with that kind of negativity.

I hold out for a year. Year of such shitty treatment from the chief and our hospital head. No thank you- s or you are doing a good job or we r all on the same ship.

No.

People will say that I quit bc of the money. And that's not true, tho it did irk me a bit. All the other ID specialists working at different hospitals would get covid bonuses every month. We got jack shit. Again, the best biggest most know ID clinic. We were the first and oftern the ONLY ones who would test for/diagnose/hospitalize/treat a patient who had covid FOR MONTHS in the beginning.

I mean, the medical community is small, the ID community even smaller so yes, we were able to compare and contrast the work at different ID departments in other hospitals bc our friends worked there. And all of them would go speechless when they would hear from us what we were living thru.

At one point at the beginning of the pandemic, ALL the ambulances would go thru our ER department and we were supposed to decide where the patient should go.

AN EXAMPLE

Ambulance with a woman who has known colon cancer, had a fever, stomach as a rock and is projectile vomiting. I was supposed to decide where she should go and the surgeon would be super pissed when I said that I don't think she has COVID but without PCR I can't be sure but I think there is a bigger pressing issue. I remember him saying:

"well if anyone else gets infected at our department and dies, it's on you."

fun.

There were other examples of seriously stressful episodes which I and my coworkers lived thru, for which we were not trained for, advised, or properly supervised. At a certain point, I started to take anxiolytics before and during my all-nighters bc I didn't know what I would do with all that stress which was so callously shat on me and my coworkers.

For a few months, I stopped working nights, only thru the mercy of my coworkers who saw how exhausted I was and would take my shifts.

Anyway, after only two months I had to start working nights bc I needed the money. The basic pay for docs was just not enough without the extra from night shifts. Talk about exploiting.

The moment however when I decided to QUIT, when I was DONE, when I actually heard my heart break, was the moment at the end of the previous year. They decided to start vaccinating in our tiny small vaccination centre. Let's say a "shit storm" brewing is the light version of events that ensued.

But basically, as I was trying to discuss with my boss that we are all exhausted, that this wave is not slowing down and that throwing more work at us, the docs and nurses and other staff, who are overworked, is not a good idea,

What she basically said to me is that who says things like that is lazy and that if she can handle it everyone must be also.

The thing is..most of us were at the bring. Some would handle it with casual and calous sex, drugs (legal or not), a bottle of wine before sleep. A coworker ended up with antipsychotics.

But u know,

we were all lazy apperently.

I realized there is no way out of this other than quitting. I could not continue being so tired and sad all the time. I took two weeks off, really thought about it. Had diarrhoea and nausea for a week as I realized I will have to quit :D

On a Monday I came back, handed in my notice. Basically what she told me and how she reacted made me realized how right the decision was.

I had to stay there for another three months bc that's the law, but my mood changed significantly.

I got another job in a smaller ID department, working with amazingly kind people, but that's another story.

But that was the only interview I actually looked for and did. I, however, did get several job offers from different types of medicine. From heads of different departments in my old hospital to smaller general medicine chain offices who are looking for ID specialists, to insurance companies.

Like I said, french legion.

Or Runway and your boss is Miranda Pristley. Once u survive that, u survive anything.

But at my old work they would keep hitting you with wave after wave of passive agressive comments about how if u quit, u wont be able to find anything as"prestigious" as this.

There were many other exmaples of a shitty and questionable situations which were treated as "normal" but there is not point on getting on that rage train.

Contrary as it might seem, I am greatful I got to live thru this, good and bad, bc now I know what I am and am not willing to sacrifice for a job. No matter how much I might love it.

[spencerspecifics]

What about a moried fluffy fic based on You Belong With Me by: Taylor Swift

You have no clue how much I absolutely love this song prompt thank u anon moreid is my shit here we go. (It is fluffy but it’s angsty in the beginning so yeah stay for the fluff thanks.) And I’m so sorry this took so long to get up! I took some time off from writing bc of lots of factors.

Lowkey TW?? Slight homophobia Bc Derek’s gf thinks he’s “too gay” even tho he’s just bi Also, song lyrics are in bold lettering. They’re going to be part the story here and there to help plot and whatnot so yeah!

———————————————————————

You Belong With Me

———————————————————————

Spencer had a problem. Namely a person problem. A Derek Morgan problem. Spencer didn’t hate Derek, quite the opposite, actually. Spencer was crushing hard on the man. And he couldn’t do anything. Spencer would rather lose his right hand then tell Derek how he felt about him, he couldn’t risk their friendship over his stupid little crush.

But just because he hid his feelings, ignored them through hell and high water- it didn’t mean they weren’t real, or weren’t there. They were both very real and apparent. Every time Derek called him ‘pretty boy’ or ‘genius’ or ‘handsome’, every time Derek wrapped his arm around him casually or did small things to showed him he cared, caused Spencer to blush and go speechless. Spencer was smart, but how to react to someone you’re infatuated with giving you attention, he’d never be able to solve that.

Time and time again, though, he found himself in situations where it was just him and Derek- and everything in his brain and body would scream at him to tell him how much he liked him, tell him how they should be together. It just made sense, after all.

Long paragraph short, here are the four times Spencer felt like they belonged together, and the one time Derek realized they do belong together.

~

“...You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset. She’s goin’ off about something that you said, ‘cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do...”

~

Spencer hung out with Derek a lot, it was just by default. He wasn’t a social individual, but he pack bonded with the team. Spencer saw everyone there as his friends, so yeah, he hung out with Derek. They would go do things together, grab lunch, get coffee, meet up to go shopping. Painfully mundane tasks that were so domestic it could cause spencer another migraine if he thought about it for long enough.

It was on one of these mundane days when problems slowly arose. They were in the mall, sat in the food court. Spencer was looking over a new book he had just bought, it was a thick book on physics, it would probably take him a day or two at most to read it, his tray of food in front of him was still mostly untouched.

Unlike Spencer, Derek was eating. Though it was greasy mall pizza, it was still food. Derek decided he’d run a few extra miles to work it off as some sort of consequence for his action.

They sat in silence, Spencer already flipping through pages quickly, mouthing the words he was reading over to himself; and Derek chewing silently as he watched the genius in front of him.

That was, until, Derek’s phone rang. Breaking the ambiance that had surrounded the two. Spencer didn’t look up, he was too invested in the book in front of him. Derek reacted, though, wiping his hands off on a napkin before grabbing his cell phone out of his back pocket. He looked over the caller ID, it was Melissa.

Melissa was his newest fling, Spencer had heard bits and pieces of Garcia and Derek’s conversation surrounding the topic, but he knew the bare minimum- deciding best to not involve himself with how his crushes romantic life was soaring- meanwhile his was crashing.

Spencer didn’t know it was Melissa though, not until Derek pulled the phone up to his ear and said; “Hey, Melissa!”

If anyone on their team was with them and watching Spencer, they would have noticed the way his eyes looked off the book for a moment, up at Derek, before immediately turning back down; to reread the same page he didn’t need to reread because he could just go back into his memory to figure out what the words on the paper meant to say. But he had to reread the page. The strongest memory in the whole universe couldn’t tell him what was on the page in front of him, he was distracted.

Melissa on the other line started speaking. Derek listened before responding; “Oh, not much, Y’know- just at the mall with the doc.”

Spencer kept himself staring down at the book in front of him, even though he could feel the blush rising up to his ears. It was stupid that made him blush like a schoolgirl. But he couldn’t help it. So instead, he hid in the pages about quantum mechanics. Something real, something not confusing. Something that was pure and basic and understanding.

“No-“ Derek chuckled, “No, pretty boy ain’t that type of doctor,” god, this was going to be the death of Spencer. Pretty boy always was something that made him melt. He couldn’t help it, god knows he tried. He did all the distraction techniques he could find. None of them really worked.

Spencer opted to hide in his book more, act like he wasn’t listening to Derek. Even though he was. He was always hooked on every last word the man spoke, it always mattered. This was just a hopeless effort, Spencer realized, as he sunk down in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

“Now, what on earth are you- hey, baby- beautiful, what are you-“ Derek started, sounding concerned.

Spencer couldn’t help it at this point, he looked up over the top of the book. Derek was looking at his phone in bewilderment. It was no longer up to his ear.

“...Everything okay?” Spencer asked curiously after a moment. Derek just sighed setting his phone down on the table next to his food tray. “I don’t even know, man. I called you pretty boy and that made Melissa flip- she was all like ‘who’s pretty boy? We discussed you being bisexual already, you better not be changing up on me’. Then she hung up.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Spencer replied, book still up between him and Morgan. “Yeah, I’m confused. It was a joke.” Derek explained to Reid, as if Spencer was ever owed an explanation regarding this.

“She must be insecure.” Spencer theorized plain and simple. Derek watched him curiously instead of asking anything to lead him on, “If she gets the idea that we’re a thing- just based on a nickname, then she’s gonna hate you and Garcia. You don’t need someone like that.”

Derek sighed, “You’re right. But I really thought she was great.” “Maybe she is,” Spencer shrugged, “I don’t know her. You do. All I’m saying is, she won’t like you and Garcia if she didn’t like my nickname.”

That elicited a chuckle from Derek, a sound Spencer always cherished in hearing. “Yeah, I can’t have someone hating my favorite boy wonder,” once again, Spencer could feel the blush coming onto his face. He was just hoping the lighting inside the mall food court didn’t make it all too obvious. “I’ll talk to her about it.” Derek decided. Spencer just nodded, not entirely wanting to talk right now.

“Yeah.. um, do what’s best.” Spencer agreed blandly. He wasn’t sure what else to say. And wasn’t this just laughable? Giving his crush dating advice? Spencer wasn’t stupid, but he was in this scenario.

“Yeah, I will. Anyways,” Derek continued the conversation casually, reaching out covering Spencer’s book with his hand. “What are you-“ Spencer started, confused. “Taking away your book. Eat before your food gets cold.” Derek spoke plainly, as if this was so obvious. He pulled Spencer’s book out of his grasp, setting it down next to himself; before pushing Spencer’s untouched tray of food in front of him.

“I’m not very-“ Spencer started, already trying to reach back for his book. Derek just shook his head, pulling the book closer to him. “Nuh-uh, not today. Not today. You’re eating. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.”

Spencer sunk down in his seat a little as he finally caved, agreeing and eating the mall food. Granted, it wasn’t great, but it was food, and he did need to eat. Last thing he had eaten that day was a granola bar for breakfast, and Derek knew that he forgot to eat.

He ate in silence as Derek watched him, before moving his gaze to casually watch the other mall patrons. It was so entirely stupid and domestic of them. It was nothing special, it wasn’t even that good of a memory. But for some reason, Spencer knew that was the first time he felt something new towards Derek. More new than just his crush. It was a new, overwhelming feeling of “I wouldn’t treat you that way” “I wouldn’t care if you called someone babygirl” “I would be better for you” before finally, his mind landed on, “you belong with someone who wouldn’t judge. Someone like me. You belong with me.”

That’s when Spencer knew he was fucked, more so than before.

~

“...I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night. I’m listening to the type of music she doesn’t like. And she’ll never know your story like I do...”

~

The second time was at Spencer’s apartment. He had complained about his bookshelf not being stable enough to hold all his books, and Derek had practically invited himself over; “C’mon, Reid. It’ll be good. Get some quality time without the ladies, we can order Chinese, plus I can show you how to fix your shelf so you don’t have to ask for help next time.”

So yeah, now they had gone directly from work to Spencer’s apartment- the only pit stop being to Derek’s house to pick up his toolbox, as Spencer didn’t have one.

Spencer wished he wasn’t such a pushover, because damnit, now he was gonna be in his apartment with Derek. That didn’t seem like a problem to anyone else, obviously- because they weren’t crushing hard on the guy. So Spencer just had to stand there and hide how much he liked Derek, and how at home Derek made his apartment feel- because it felt better with him there. He belonged there.

Spencer ignored his thoughts as they got into his apartment, he led Derek over to the problematic bookshelf in question. Some of the books had toppled off the shelves, and were on the ground below. “Damn, Reid, you don’t mess around with all these books.” Derek joked lightly as he looked over the immense amount of books Spencer had shoved onto the shelf; Derek squatted down, lowering the tool kit next to him as he started taking books off the shelves one by one so he could further inspect what was wrong with it.

Spencer protested, not understanding Derek was joking, “It’s not my fault- the bookshelf is supposed to hold books, if it can’t do what’s promised then that’s on the manufacturers error.”

Derek just chuckled slowly in response before replying, still pulling books off the shelves “Don’t worry, pretty boy, we’ll get this sorted out for you, alright? Just get some music on so we got something to hang to.” Derek wasn’t looking at Spencer, thank god- or he’d see how the genius got so flustered so quickly, how quickly a blush spread across his face, and how he immediately looked away from him, to the walls, the floor. To look at anything but Derek.

“Yes- right. Music.” Spencer changed his focus, he couldn’t think about how good it felt to be called a pet name by Derek. He couldn’t let himself think about it, or else he’d never stop. So he busied himself with getting some music to play through the quiet apartment, he turned over to his old radio that was sat on his study desk, it was a loud radio, that’s why he got it. It was compact, but if he put it in the bathroom he could hear it from the kitchen. It was the perfect device for him.

Spencer turned the radio on, the channel he always listened to was already tuned in, so he left it that way. Soft instrumental music started flowing out of the speakers, Derek stopped his motion of putting books down to turn and look at Spencer semi-curiously; “What’s this music?” “Classical.” Spencer replied easily, looking down at the radio as he messed with the volume dial that always seemed to be loose. “It’s on 88.1, they play strictly instrumental and classical pieces. It’s nice.”

Derek didn’t respond, Spencer didn’t need him to respond. It was an inconsequential conversation about music. If Derek didn’t like the station, he was more than welcome to change it to another. But he didn’t, it was Spencer’s apartment, and the soft classical music playing just seemed fitting to play there. Plus Derek just wanted the music as a background sound to help him focus, it wasn’t really important what it was- just that there was music playing.

Spencer went off to the kitchen to find the menu he had saved from the local Chinese restaurant that does deliveries, meanwhile Derek continued pulling books off the shelves. Melissa would hate him for being here, ever since the call at the mall, she was convinced Derek was going to leave her for him- or for another guy. She thought he was “too gay” to stay with her, obviously that’s not how him or his bisexuality works. But Melissa didn’t see it that way.

God, everything Derek saw, Melissa saw differently, it was ironic he was even with her. He saw Penelope Garcia as his best female friend, his babygirl. Melissa saw her as a threat, they had a whole argument about it. Melissa had finally stopped seeing Garcia as a threat when he told her that Garcia was wrapped up in Kevin drama. He wanted to tell Garcia about all of this, but he knew that if he did she would immediately tell him to dump her. Anyone that came between their friendship wasn’t allowed, and that wasn’t a rule Garcia had made up, it was more of an understanding they had come to about their dynamic as friends.

Derek just hadn’t dumped her yet out of fear. This was his first significant other in so long, it felt like a failure to start something and end it. He wanted to fix it. Though he knew it was unlikely he could, he still wanted to try.

Derek kept thinking as he finished pulling the books off until there were none left, he then pulled on the board of the shelf to see how unstable it was, all while continuing to think. He thought about Melissa, but none of it was really positive. It was all what she would hate about him being here, other than the obvious of being with Spencer (which she already disliked. She hated the genius and she hadn’t ever spoken to him, which Derek didn’t think was rational at all.) She would hate how Spencer’s apartment was, the green walls and shelves of books, the lack of a television, the soft glow from the lamps. Derek found every single last one of these qualities endearing, it helped show who Spencer was as a whole. Melissa would see it as a problem.

She’d say green was a gross color, that Spencer needed to be aware of pop culture and get a television, she’d say that Spencer didn’t get out enough and he lived like a hermit; she’d say the lighting was weird and dark, instead of soft and calming.

Derek let out a sigh, deciding to abandon his thoughts as a whole, because they were just starting to irritate him. Spencer was great the way he was, Melissa was being problematic; and him and her really needed couples counseling or something. That was the decision he landed on as he gave his full attention to the wiggly boards in Spencer’s bookshelf.

Derek pulled on the shelf again to test it’s strength. It was loose, pretty close to just falling down altogether. It was good he was here to fix it, Derek concluded, as he reached for the screwdriver in his toolkit.

~

The night continued on, Derek went through part by part, working on fixing Spencer’s bookshelf; meanwhile Spencer had ordered them dinner from the local Chinese place. Reid had thought about setting up the dinner at his kitchen table, before immediately regretting that idea. This was casual, it wasn’t some type of sit down dinner with Derek. That’s the last thing he needed, Spencer decided, as he walked over to Derek and handed him the carton of beef broccoli and a pair of chopsticks to go with.

Derek took them and put them down next to himself quickly, before pivoting into a sitting position on the floor and turning himself away from the bookshelf, facing exactly to the dinner table- which is where Spencer had opted to sit at, alone.

“What’re you doing all the way over there?” Derek’s spoke out to him. Spencer tried to be casual, “All my stuff’s over here, and it’s not that far from you,” he shrugged, hoping Derek wouldn’t go any deeper. But of course, he did. “And I’m over here, so bring your stuff my way- you’re gonna make your repairman eat sitting on the floor alone? That’s cold, man.”

Spencer rolled his eyes as he picked up his carton of orange chicken and rice, “Okay, I’m here.” He tried to sound like he was annoyed, instead of stupidly simultaneously happy and unhappy with derek’s request (happy because his stupid crush on Derek, unhappy because of the same, unfortunate reason).

He made his way over to Morgan, sitting down across from him and using the back of his couch as a makeshift chair prop to lean against. He opened up his food, as Derek was now satisfied with this series of events and had gone back to paying attention to his beef broccoli. Spencer picked up his fork, ready to eat and just ignore how he was feeling, when Derek spoke up again; “Seriously- you still don’t know how to use chopsticks?”

Suddenly, Spencer was giving Derek a glare that had no malice, while Derek just chuckled at Spencer’s fury. “I’m tellin’ you. You need to learn how to use chopsticks.” “It’s fine.” Spencer argued weakly, “No way, if suddenly all the forks, knives, and spoons vanished, you’d have to eat with chopsticks.”

“Not true if sporks are still a thing.” Spencer pointed out, “I’m gonna smack you.” Derek replied, now it was Spencer’s turn to laugh.

~

“...But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers. Dreaming ‘bout the day when you wake up and find. That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time...”

~

The third time was when Spencer had resigned, accepting his feelings for what they were. He was now simply playing the waiting game, of waiting his crush out- because god knows he can’t go on like this forever. He hated how things have changed from a small crush into a serious never ending stream of thoughts he had whenever he was with Derek, but that’s how it was for him now.

He had ways to keep himself in check, though. As he always did. One was re-reading long old stories to himself from memory. It usually worked pretty well, and it was a good way to just pass the time in general.

Except for one, especially horrid time, when the FBI baseball team had a game against the CIA’s.

Spencer wasn’t playing, thank god for that. He wasn’t good at sports, though that one time he played baseball with Derek earlier in the season was a great memory he loved to go back to and remember. But that was a fluke, and he knew if he played again it wouldn’t go nearly as well.

Since he wasn’t playing, him and the rest of the team had come along to bring Morgan moral support from the sidelines of the bleachers. What Spencer hadn’t expected was Melissa showing up, too.

~

She showed up at the same time the team did to the field, they set up on the bleachers with some blankets and a basket full of snacks (courtesy of one Penelope Garcia.) and then she was suddenly walking over, surprising the team.

“Hi- um, are you Garcia? Is this the area for the BAU?” She asked, she had shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes, and was wearing a flowy pink and yellow sundress. She was pretty, borderline beautiful, there was no denying that.

Spencer decided to start re-reading the books in his head by that point. He could already guess it was Melissa, as Rossi wouldn’t have invited a woman to this event until at least the ninth or eighth date (though with Rossi, Spencer never really knew how he operated in terms of dating, and he had no desire to know). Spencer also knew she wasn’t Hotch’s, as Hotch was too focused on Jack and the team to even consider dating.

Emily was single, and definitely would not invite a guy (or girl) to this either. J.J. was happy with Will, and Penelope had the on and off thing with Kevin. So yeah, Spencer deduced easily that this beautiful mysterious woman was Melissa.

The fact Derek invited Melissa rubbed Spencer the wrong way. But it wasn’t his business, he reminded himself, as he did his best to start focusing in on pride and prejudice in his mind.

Garcia began welcoming Melissa, even though it wasn’t necessary; “It is! And I am! Hi! Are you Melissa? Derek told me you were coming!”

Spencer did his best to not focus on Melissa, skipping forward a few chapters into pride of prejudice in his mind, to keep himself focused. He got pulled from his book though, as Melissa introduced herself and Garcia started introducing the team back;

“Well, grandpa over there is David Rossi,” “Easy, or else you won’t get those extra vacation days I offered you.” Rossi replied simply as hell, reaching for a bag of chips from the basket. “Fine- that esteemed gentleman right there is David Rossi.” “Better.” Rossi responded, a small grin showing across his face. Melissa laughed softly with Garcia and Rossi for a moment before Penelope continued on;

“That’s Aaron Hotchner, and his son Jack.” Garcia pointed them out, Jack was playing on his Nintendo DS, only looking up to wave briefly as Hotch reached over to shake Melissa’s hand. “Nice to meet you.” “You too.” She smiled at him.

“Those two lovely ladies are Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss, plus Jennifer’s hubby Will and their adorable son Henry,” they all shook hands with Melissa, and J.J. briefly told her that it wasn’t necessary to call her “Jennifer” but instead “J.J.” as that was the name she was most used to.

“Then, we got Doctor beautiful brain, Spencer Reid.” Spencer looked up, giving Melissa a small wave, finally looking her head on. He had seen her, sure, but he hadn’t made eye contact with her until right now. And damn, she looked wild behind the eyes. And not in a good way. She was perky, seemingly almost as positive as Penelope. But that positivity didn’t reach her eyes. She looked Spencer up and down, and there was something deep in her gaze that made him want to get up and walk to the CIA side of the bleachers. It was clear he was going to have to walk on eggshells around her, and he wished he knew why.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Spencer offered up as a greeting, “You too,” Melissa replied, smiling as she turned on her polite charm again. It was only in her eyes he could see her distaste towards him. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

~

Melissa settled down, sitting next to the rest of the team as they waited for the game to start. She was thankfully seated near Emily, J.J., and Garcia. So Spencer and her’s conversation was limited.

That was until, he was brought up in conversation; “Oh geez- one of the funniest things was when Spence and Morgan got stuck in that elevator together,” J.J. recounted, causing all four of them to laugh; meanwhile Spencer didn’t react. He was still deep in his mind reading, and though he heard his name called, it didn’t cause him to want to stop.

“Yeah- I heard about that from Derek, he said Spencer spouted off some fact about people and elevator deaths because he was scared.” Melissa turned to Spencer as she spoke, giving him an in to speak. Spencer didn’t realize she had even turned to him, as he was fully focusing his brain power on the pages of the book he had read over before.

“Uh.. what’s he doing?” Melissa asked in a hushed voice to J.J., “Oh- he’s just reading. Spencer, hey.” J.J. said, leaning over and tapping his shoulder, finally catching his attention; causing him to open his eyes.

“Sorry- what?” Spencer finally spoke, as he was fully there and listening to them now, instead of somewhat ignoring them and focusing on a memory of a book.

“..J.J. said you were reading?” Melissa asked curiously, obviously confused. Spencer nodded, “Yes. I was. I have an eidetic memory so I can look back at anything I’ve ever read. So sometimes I go back and read books I’ve read before.” Spencer explained awkwardly, “I do it to, uh, pass the time.”

“Hm.. that’s.. that’s cool. Derek mentioned you were smart, recounting lots of facts.” Melissa said slowly, it seemed like she was trying to gain some sort of edge in the conversation, but thankfully Emily butted in casually- not realizing the odd atmosphere that was slowly building.

“Oh yeah- Reid’s always doing that. Talk to him on Halloween and all he talks about is how paganism played a major role in the now very American, very non-pagan holiday.” The girls laughed on innocently as Melissa gained a serious look in her eye again.

“You know everything?” She asked him, “No.” he replied, he was self assured in this field, he knew how to handle himself when people were doubting his intelligence level. “I just know a lot.” He clarified.

Melissa looked like she was ready to speak, say something to him- he had no clue if it would be good or bad. But everyone’s attention got redirected on the whooping sounds both teams made as they entered the field. The game was starting.

~

Spencer had stayed focused on the game, even running statistics and probabilities in his head on who would come out victorious. Rossi made a joke they should bet on the game like people do on horses, and he’d just cheat and use Reid to make sure he won.

The rest of the team didn’t go for that, as they would employ the same strategy as Rossi, and Spencer was smart enough to give them all the wrong answers so he would actually win.

It was now the third inning, J.J. had gone with Hotchner and Will to take a short walk with the kids, as they were getting bored in their seats. Rossi went off to flirt it up with the older woman who was running the concessions stand, and Emily and Garcia had gone off to the bathroom together.

Now it was just Melissa and Reid alone, and Reid didn’t like her company. He didn’t mean it in a rude way, but also maybe he did- for his very stupid and very personal reason that she was actively dating his crush. But besides that reason, she seemed off, and on a team of behavioral analysts, he couldn’t be the only one who noticed.

There was something wrong with her, but Spencer couldn’t place his finger on what. That was, until, she sat down next to him on the bleachers. “So,” she started casually, “what’re you reading up there?” “Pride and Prejudice.. have you read it?” Spencer replied, doing his best to make polite conversation.

Melissa shook her head, “No, way too long of a book for me.” Spencer just nodded, an “Ah” sound escaping his lips before their conversation entirely diminished as they sat in silence, watching the CIA’s team line up for batting.

Derek was on second base, and while he waited for the CIA team to finish lining up, he turned to the only two people still on the bleachers and waved. Melissa waved in response excitedly, “Go Derek!” She shouted for good measure, Reid on the other hand just gave a small wave to him.

Their personalities were very different, Spencer gathered.

“Derek helped you with a bookshelf the other week, right?” Melissa asked after silence had settled over them, and Reid had almost returned to his brain book. Her question stopped him from reading, though.

Spencer nodded, “Uh, yeah. He helped fix my bookshelf, the boards were all wobbly and books couldn’t stay on.” Melissa hummed in response for a moment, before looking back out to the field. Derek was now busy talking to a teammate, a guy Spencer recognized from the terrorist division.

“Look, Spencer,” Melissa finally spoke again, letting out a sigh before she continued on; “We both know Derek is an attractive man, a great man. But he’s my man. I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides- believe me, I want to think that you two are just the best of friends and that’s it. But I don’t believe it, not for a second, especially not after hearing how he talks about you, and finally meeting you.”

Spencer stayed quiet, not looking at Melissa, instead opting to stare at his hands, that were now firmly clasped together as he took in what she was saying. “We are just friends, though..” Spencer finally spoke up in a weak defense for himself. Melissa just chuckled, their pleasant conversation had somehow turned to her speaking to him in a sickly sweet malicious tone.

“I don’t think you are. I think there’s something more, and I don’t want things to go any further- with either of you.”

Spencer stayed quiet again, seriously considering exiting the bleachers and getting a cab (as the team had carpooled over to this event together.) and just leaving, going back to his apartment and faking the stomach flu for a day and a half. It seemed so appealing to just disappear right now.

Melissa continued on after she realized Spencer wasn’t going to say anything. “I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, Spencer. You seem very kind, and smart. You told me earlier you don’t know everything, but you know a lot,”

Spencer nodded, that was true, he had said that, she kept going; “I hope you now know where your place is. Away from Derek. And I hope you know you aren’t alone with me talking to you, I would be telling Penelope Garcia the same exact thing, except she has a boyfriend, Kevin. Derek told me. So you’re the only single one who poses a problem. I hope we can be friends- but you need to back up.”

And that was all, she got up and moved away, and just in time as Emily and Garcia made their reappearance from the bathroom and onto the bleachers.

Spencer stayed frozen, however. Not really sure what he could say or do. All he knew now is that he had a very good reason to dislike Melissa. And he did, as much as he hated to admit it. He disliked Melissa, he wanted her gone. He didn’t want her and Derek together.

He was now only more sure that he would treat Derek better, he wouldn’t go around threatening his friends- he couldn’t even imagine that as something he would ever want to do.

Spencer stayed, shrunken on the bleachers as he watched the team play, staying quiet and reserved while Melissa and the rest of the team cheered.

Spencer just hoped Derek figured out that Melissa wasn’t good for him sooner than later, or else he’d never get out of the relationship scratch-free.

~

“Walkin’ the streets with you and your worn out jeans. I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be. Laughin’ on the park bench thinking to myself, ‘hey isn’t this easy?’. And you got a smile that could light up this whole town. I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down. You say you’re fine I know you better than that. Hey, whatcha doing with a girl like that?”

~

Since Spencer’s unfortunate encounter with Melissa, he had done his best to steer clear of Derek. Only being with him when necessary (and they were only really together for work, though for the few latest times that Derek’s invited him out to get food or see a movie, Spencer’s declined).

Derek had subtly caught notice, wondering why Reid had been declining his invitations. At first he thought it was because Reid was busy, he was somehow also getting a bachelors degree in philosophy at the moment, it made since if he had limited free time.

But then he did more thinking, and even if reid was busy- he always made time for Derek. Morgan knew that for a fact, because every time he needed help (work related or not) Spencer was there, and ready to assist. Even if Reid was studying, the kid read so fast he only needed to read something once to remember everything. So it didn’t make sense. Not at all. Spencer was avoiding him.

So why? Derek now had to get alone with Reid, he needed to see what this was about.

~

And Derek got his chance, after solving a case in the sleepy city within Maine, called Rangeley. The teams plane was having a malfunction issue with a part of the engine, so they were stuck there for an extra day. Unfortunate for everyone else, but a blessing in disguise for Derek. It was the perfect time for the team to hang together, maybe get some meals or see a movie. But Derek set up a plan.

~

Morgan knocked on Spencer’s door the morning they had nothing to do, with his plan already getting set in motion. This was step one, of many.

Reid responded in his own special fashion, opening the door a crack to look out at Derek and into the hall, his hair looked messy, he was still slightly bleary eyed- and he was still in his pajamas and mismatched socks. He had just woken up.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Derek asked, he didn’t want to start this morning off on Reid being rudely awoken. Reid nodded as he opened the door more, stepping forward the slightest bit. “Yeah, but it’s okay. What’s going on?” Reid was already aware of the plane situation, the whole team had been told last night, which forced Derek into making this last minute plan.

“Nothing- the team doesn’t have anything to do. Wanna go get breakfast?” Derek asked, trying to phrase his words and himself casually. He didn’t want Reid to get suspicious and back out. He just wanted answers from his best friend, that’s all.

Spencer rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before responding. “Okay, yeah. Let me go get changed.”

~

They arrived at an Ihop. It wasn’t anything special, but it was the nearest breakfast place to the hotel, so it worked for them. They were greeted by a hostess who showed them to a booth.

Spencer didn’t know why he agreed this this, he shouldn’t have. But in his half-awake and still somehow sleep deprived mind, breakfast seemed like a good idea. A great idea, in fact. But he now was anxious again. He didn’t want to deal with Melissa, call him scared, nonconfrontational, weak- whatever. He just didn’t want to have to deal with her. He enjoyed hanging out with Derek, but he knew if he did then it would be inevitable that he would end up facing her wrath again.

Almost immediately after the hostess showed them to their booth, their waiter appeared to take their orders. “Goodmorning, what can I get started for you two?” The older gentleman, whose name tag simply read “John” asked them.

“Just some coffee, please.” Derek ordered for the both of them. He knew what Spencer would want to order, and he also knew how bad Spencer was at conversing with people he wasn’t familiar enough with. John just nodded, saying a quick; “Comin’ right up!” Before walking off to leave them alone.

“Is the rest of the team coming?” Spencer asked as he stifled a yawn with his hand. Derek shook his head, “No, they all wanted to sleep in. Lucky I dragged you out of bed, though.” He joked, hoping to lighten the mood in the room. Spencer just smiled sheepishly for a moment before looking back down at the table.

They stayed quiet, which wasn’t unusual for the two, especially considering they were both still tired. But Derek didn’t want there to be silence, he wanted to talk about what was going on. “Reid-“ he started, but before he could continue his sentence, John was standing by the table with a pot of coffee. Derek and Spencer both wordlessly pushed their mugs over towards John, watching him fill them up with coffee in silence.

John finished pouring and stepped back, “I’ll give you folks some more time before ordering.” Derek just nodded at him, “That would be great, thank you.” And with that, their waiter was gone.

Reid was now focused on his mug of coffee, grabbing some sugar packets from the container on the table and ripping one open after another, before finally pouring it into his coffee. “How many sugars you plan on putting in there?” “Two.” “You’re already ripping open a third packet, Reid.”

“Oh.” Was all he said in response, Derek sighed, Spencer wasn’t acting right; he hadn’t for a while but this morning was peak Reid-being-weird, so Derek needed to take a stronger approach; “Reid. What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Nothing’s wrong.” Spencer said all too quickly to be believable. Derek rolled his eyes, watching the tired genius grab a spoon and stir his coffee with an intensity he never normally used. “That doesn’t work on me, man. We’re all profilers. I know when something’s up.” Spencer stayed quiet, still stirring his coffee with the spoon.

Reid didn’t want to be in this situation. He knew he should’ve hidden himself better, said and acted in different ways. Derek knew something was up, and Spencer couldn’t hide it forever. Especially not from him. He hated lying to Morgan.

“So..” Spencer spoke quietly, “What do you think is up?” Derek rolled his eyes at Spencer again, “Don’t talk to me like an unsub trying to stall. Somethings wrong. Did I do something- was it something I did or said?” Spencer put his spoon down as he watched Derek.

“I gotta be honest, Reid. I don’t know what’s going on here. We used to hangout so much, and suddenly you’re giving me the cold shoulder. I thought it was because of your studies- but you’ve done written whole thesesis while we’ve hungout. So it’s not you being busy with school. You make time. Why isn’t there any time now?” Derek kept going, voice raising in intensity as he got to the end.

Spencer wanted to say something, he wanted to say something so bad. But he didn’t know what. So instead he took a sip of his not-sweet-enough coffee. Derek watched him as he did so, intensity not wavering.

Spencer put the mug back down onto the table before he finally found his words, “It’s not you. You didn’t do anything.” “So what is it?” Morgan asked him almost instantly. Spencer sighed, he didn’t want to say it was Melissa. He couldn’t, he didn’t want to make Derek feel bad, he thought Derek was happy with her. He didn’t want to ruin that, even if Melissa was terrible. Derek was seemingly glad, and Spencer didn’t want him changing from positive to anything else (except somehow maybe more positive.)

“It’s nothing.” “It’s definitely not nothing, Reid. Please tell me.” Derek pried more. He couldn’t let this go. Spencer sighed, a weak sign of defeat. “Okay- but. I’m sorry. This involves Melissa.” He admitted, looking up to see Derek had a confused expression on his face. “What about her?” “When we went to the baseball game a few weeks ago and met her. She was really pleasant at first, but as soon as we were alone on the bleachers together she told me that I needed to stop being so close with you. And it really freaked me out, she saw me as a threat.”

Derek leaned back in the booth bench, unsure of what to do. “What did she say?” Derek finally asked after a moment, deciding he wanted to know what Melissa said to Spencer in full to make him act like this. Spencer didn’t deserve to be treated this way, he just didn’t. “I’m not going to-“ Spencer started, Derek just cut him off, “Yes you will. I know you remember what she said. So tell me. Please.”

Spencer fidgeted with the handle of the mug, “Okay, okay.. she said that you were her man and then she said, ‘I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides’...” Spencer spoke once more after that, before he could forget, “She also, um.. she said she would tell Garcia the same thing, except she didn’t because she knew she was with kevin.”

Derek stayed quiet, looking at Spencer before looking back down at his mug of coffee. Spencer stayed quiet, he didn’t know what he could say or do right now to make this better.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer finally decided to speak after it had been silent for a few minutes. “I didn’t want to tell you because you-“

Derek held his hand up as a simple gesture, indicating Spencer should be quiet. Spencer hushed up quickly, watching Morgan, who was sitting silently still, staring down with an intensity that could burn stronger than the sun. He stood up after a moment, pulling out his wallet and putting two twenty dollar bills down on the table, in front of Spencer. “For the coffee. Get some breakfast, too. I need to go.” “Derek, I-“ Spencer started, standing up, he wasn’t gonna leave Derek alone, especially to process this large amount of information. but he had started walking away, back turned to reid- leaving him alone at the booth. He wasn’t going to come back, and as much as Spencer wanted to follow him and never leave his side- he could tell he should leave him alone, at least for now.

~

After that whole experience, Spencer didn’t stay to get breakfast. He finished his coffee, paid, and left quickly. Deciding Derek needed space, and he wasn’t sure what else he could do, so he tucked tail back to the hotel. He lied to himself, saying maybe he could nap or watch T.V and ignore his imploding thoughts.

He couldn’t ignore his imploding thoughts, if that wasn’t painstakingly obvious. Spencer’s mind reeled from every aspect of their breakfast, to how he was curt and almost rude to Derek- he now wished he hadn’t been, but how else could he have acted? He didn’t know. He hated how things had went. He should’ve lied and told Derek he didn’t have the time for breakfast.

So, when Spencer finally got the hotel, he sat and thought and waited, waited for any sounds outside of his hotel door. Derek’s room was directly across the hall from his. So he waited for the sounds of the door opening, the beeping of the keycard, the sound of footsteps that were muffled by the soft carpet. Anything that would show Derek was back, back close to him, close enough to him for a conversation again. Because he knew that they needed to talk.

~

Spencer was counting. One hour and eighteen minutes passed before he heard any sounds of life that would match what he was waiting for. Namely, he heard the footsteps approach by his door, and then the beep of the keycard. And finally, the door opening and shutting quickly. Derek was there, he was back, Spencer got off his perch on the bed in record speed, exiting out to the hall and crossing quickly.

He was about to knock on the door, hand raised in the air, before he slowed himself down. Was this too much? What if Morgan didn’t want to talk to right now? What if Derek thought he was lying and was mad? Oh god, that terrified Spencer. He hoped Derek knew he wasn’t lying, he could run any behavior test he wanted to, but he wouldn’t lie to Derek. Not now, not ever.

Spencer still had his hand raised in the air, standing directly in front of the door. If Derek thought he was lying, he would prove he wasn’t. Nothing mattered right now, Spencer decided as he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Spencer heard movement from inside the room, before Derek opened the door. He looked stressed, the lines in his face were hard set, this was how he looked when he dealt with an unsub. This isn’t how he should be looking on a day off. Derek said nothing as he looked at Spencer, “Can we talk?” Spencer asked him after it was clear Derek wasn’t going to start talking.

Derek nodded. Wordlessly opening the door more, and stepping back to allow Reid inside. He stepped in, Derek’s room was a mirror copy of Spencer’s, simple and small. He had his duffel sat on the floor by the small twin bed provided by the hotel.

Reid stood in the room, Derek moved past him to sit down on the edge of the bed as Spencer messed with some loose thread on his jacket, “I, um... I got your change..” Spencer started, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the wad of cash and coins. He wasn’t sure what to say now that he was inside Derek’s room. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, so he wasn’t sure how to prepare. Derek wasn’t acting like himself, so he didn’t know what would work.

Spencer went to hand it back to him, “Reid, no.” Derek started, causing Spencer to stop in his tracks, holding the money in silence.

“You didn’t come here for that.” Derek motioned to the money with his hand. “No. I didn’t.” Spencer mumbled awkwardly, shoving it back into his jacket pocket, the coins clinking together all too loudly for his liking.

“I’m sorry.” Derek sighed after a moment, “I shouldn’t have ran off like that. It’s just- I couldn’t believe what you were saying.” Spencer nodded, he wanted to say so much to Derek. He wanted to say, “I swear on my mother I am not lying”, he wanted to say “I’m sorry, I should have stayed quiet” he wanted to say “I care about you so much and I don’t want to see you walk away, I don’t want to lose you”. But Spencer couldn’t talk, he wasn’t sure what would come out if he spoke.

“I, uh, I called Melissa.” Derek told him, “After I left. I called her, I asked her if she said that to you, and she said she didn’t say it like that,” He took a breath before continuing on, “I asked her what she meant, because she wasn’t denying what she said. She just was saying the wording was off.”

Spencer found his small, awkward voice, deciding to look down at the floor instead of Derek. He was scared of what he would see. “What did she say the wording was?” He asked Derek, “She said she was harsher than that, told you to back off. Then she tried to explain herself, as if any of what she did was acceptable and could be fine under the disguise of caring for your significant other.”

“Reid, look at me. Please.” Derek sighed, not continuing whatever else he was going to say. Spencer finally looked up to meet his eyes. Derek just looked tired, leaning awkwardly on the couch, as he kept his gaze on Spencer.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause this.” Spencer apologized, he had no clue if he needed to. But it felt like what he had to do.

“No, don’t.” Derek shook his head, as if to knock the apology out of his brain. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you. The red flags were there, Reid. And there were so many. I was just ignoring them.”

Spencer stayed quiet, watching Derek as he admitted this out loud; “I just- I wanted to make it work. But the fact she said that to you, and was gonna tell garcia, I just-“ Derek shook his head again, a mixture of defeat and anger simultaneously now instead of a signal for reid to stop.

“It upset me. I couldn’t believe it. So I called her and that happened and... and...” Derek trailed off, sighing simply as if that was the end of the sentence.

“...You broke up?” Spencer asked carefully, not wanting to misjudge. Derek nodded, rubbing his face with both hands. He was stressed. Spencer could tell.

“We did. It’s for the best. I can’t be dating someone who is like that. Especially not to you, or Garcia. That’s the biggest deal breaker out there.” Derek spoke, he was still serious but he was also sort of joking in a way to help calm the atmosphere down.

Spencer didn’t respond right away, instead moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, a few feet away from Morgan to give him plenty space. Derek didn’t like that, pulling on Spencer’s hand and motioning him to sit directly by his side.

Spencer complied, but cursed his face for causing a blush to form. This wasn’t the time to savor the feeling of Derek’s strong grip on his hand. It wasn’t.

Spencer was now sat down next to Derek, he wasn’t sure what else to say, so he stayed quiet. But he knew he didn’t want to leave Derek’s side now. He needed to be here. It couldn’t be easy for Derek.

“I’m sorry I left you at the restaurant.” Derek spoke after a while of them sitting side by side. “It’s okay,” Spencer told him, Derek gave him a sideways glance that proved he didn’t believe what he was saying.

“I didn’t end up having breakfast, though. I was worried.” Spencer admitted. Derek let out a low chuckle, and god, Spencer loved that sound. When was the last time he heard it? It used to be as common as hearing traffic in downtown Quantico, but as of lately; he hadn’t heard it often. Spencer knew in the back of his head, it was probably Melissa. Small things had changed with Derek during their time of dating.

First, it was calling Spencer “pretty boy”, and Garcia “baby girl”. Derek stopped saying it, and as much as garcia was worried about him, Derek had assured her he was okay. (Spencer didn’t mind the nickname stopping, as he finally didn’t have to come up with an excuse every time he blushed in front of the team when Derek would call him that.)

But then, Derek showed up to work looking tired, and sure- the job took long hours and restless nights and way too many coffee breaks. But he looked like he was losing that energy in his eyes. The excitement that made him join the team. He had told Spencer it was originally he missed Melissa. But now, Spencer was second guessing that.

Things had slowly changed with Derek, so small that Spencer didn’t even notice fully. But if you looked at all the reasons why he changed, it could be tied back to Melissa.

Good riddance. Spencer thought to himself. In ordinary situations, he would hate to think that, but today he didn’t; as he heard Derek’s soft, low chuckle. He didn’t want to ever stop see Derek being himself. He wouldn’t stop him from anything, he knew he wouldn’t. All he would want to do is care about him, kiss him, fall asleep in his arms, have a nice dinner with him- things a real boyfriend would do.

He would let Derek be himself, he wouldn’t stop him from working, he wouldn’t want to fight, he wouldn’t want to play games, and god knows he wouldn’t stop Derek and Garcia flirting. That’s what kept them happy, together, and secure.

“I’m sorry you guys broke up, but if it’s any consolation. You belong with someone better.” Spencer admitted, not adding on the last part he always wanted to say. If he could say it, lord knows he would. But he couldn’t tell Derek they belonged together. He sounded insane.

Derek softy bumped shoulders with him in an act of thanks, “Thank you. Now c’mon, let’s go get you some real breakfast, pretty boy.” He said as he stood up, the blush immediately rushed back into Spencer’s face. God, that name would be the death of him. He was seriously going to die like this.

“You still got my change? ‘Cause you’re paying.” Derek joked with him as he turned to pull on his coat, “It’s your money, why don’t I give it back to you?” Spencer asked him, the conversation now changing to a much lighter tone. Derek shrugged, “You paying a cashier will help your people skills. Now c’mon, I saw a good restaurant with outdoor seating that’s by a garden. You can give me plant facts while we eat.”

~

“...Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night. I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re ‘bout to cry. And I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams. Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me...”

~

Derek’s growing love for Spencer Reid was so slow he didn’t realize it until it was bursting out of his chest. It wasn’t obvious, it wasn’t, at least not to Derek. But suddenly it was everything Spencer did, it had his attention and captivated his thoughts. If Spencer was rambling about something, Derek would listen. Even if he didn’t care, even if he was tired, or hungry, or even mad.

To put it simply, it was every single thing that Spencer had ever done for him, suddenly making Derek feel something. It was every little funny thing Spencer did, it was every factoid he spat out to the team at the round table, it was how he was there for everyone in less than a second if needed, it was how Spencer complained about modern television, it was how Spencer grumbled in his sleep when they had to wake him up to get off the team’s jet after a long case. It was everything.

Every one of those instances just made something inside Derek squirm. Before, when Derek was dating Melissa- he was able to hold that feeling at bay. But it had now been months since his and Melissa’s breakup, and he had nothing to stop his mind from thinking about Reid, so the feelings and thoughts about the genius only grew stronger.

He thought about him nonstop. About how Reid was precious, amazing, handsome, smart, and god- he was borderline perfect. And what had originally started as a small inkling feeling inside of him was growing, growing into something almost unmanageable. It took everything in Derek not to just lean over and grab the genius’ hand as he was waving it around when speaking about something he was passionate about, and holding it tightly.

It was getting worse, day by day it was hell at work. But it was the best suffering in the world. Seeing Spencer sat at his desk, deep in thought as he typed reports out, along with emailing scientists and doctors on the side. God, Reid was an absolute genius. Morgan wasn’t sure if he could easily get over that fact anymore as he used to. Now Spencer’s smarts had more meaning, and he wasn’t sure why.

Spencer’s smarts always mattered, and definitely came in handy for the team, saving their asses more than once. But now, his IQ level was something Derek caught himself almost worrying about.

Spencer wouldn’t ever say it, but what if he thought Derek was stupid? The brawn to his brain. Nothing more than a dude to tackle the bad guys and handcuff them down. What if Spencer thought he wasn’t a good person, a good friend?

Now, along with the growing admiration, he also had growing fear. Derek was now going back and forth between doubting himself and wanting nothing more than pulling Spencer into a janitors closet and kissing him until they needed air.

Yeah, Derek was screwed. Work was painful. But he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t. Even if he wanted to, he kept going along, because every day he saw Reid that feeling inside him only grew, and he didn’t have the willpower to stop it, and even if he did- he probably couldn’t. This was the strongest he had ever felt in a long time. It would take an army to stop how he felt (and even then, he might still beat the army).

~

The night it all went down wasn’t what derek intended it to be, he was pretty much planning on hiding his crush on reid to the grave, not admitting it to anyone ever about how he felt. Because as Derek saw it, Spencer was too smart for him. Definitely out of his league.

Because in Morgan’s mind, how dumb could he be? He had been slowly falling in love with his best friend, all while not even realizing it- and dating someone who was absolutely horrid during that entire process. It was enough to make him smack his head against his wall.

~

Derek was working late the night it happened, going over this same dilemma in his head as he finished up the last of his reports to turn over to Hotch.

Nothing was happening in the bullpen, and for the first time in forever, Spencer had left before the work day ended. He had been complaining of a stomachache, and Rossi had smartly deduced he was sick, and even though Reid didn’t want to leave- the team all but kicked him out the door, telling him he wasn’t any good working when feeling like vomiting.

Derek had missed him since he left, he felt stupid admitting that, but it was the plain and simple truth. His days were just better with Reid, and there was no other explanation than that. As stupid as it was, Derek had come to agree with that fact a while ago, and now it was just normal, him missing Reid. But thankfully Reid didn’t leave often enough for it to be bad.

That being said, Derek still worried. Deciding to call Reid, it was only 7 p.m., after all. Surely Reid was still awake.

His cell phone ringed as Derek held it up to his ear, twirling his pen absentmindedly between his index and pointer finger as he waited for Spencer to answer.

And he did, he sounded groggy, but he answered; “Hello?” “Hey, Reid.” Derek spoke, a small stupid smile creeping its way into his face. “How are you feeling?” He asked, he heard Spencer shuffling on the other end of the line, then the faucet running.

“I’m okay... just really dizzy now, so I got myself some water.” “Did you eat enough today?” Derek asked him, changing tones from a concerned friend to something more.

“Yes, I did. You don’t need to worry about my eating.” Reid said simply, he wasn’t the type of guy who liked being watched over. Derek understood why, but this was still necessary.

“Reid, c’mon now. When was the last time you ate?”

“11:23 a.m., Garcia gave me a muffin.” Spencer admitted after a beat of silence, “Reid, you’ve been not eating for almost eight hours- no wonder you felt so sick, man!” Derek said into the phone as he stood up, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders, deciding to leave now. The reports were almost done, anyway.

“Well, I’m not hungry so it’s fine..” Reid argued weakly in response, “Oh no, no. Don’t even, Spencer. I’m getting you food and taking it to your place. Now go lay down and take some tylenol, drink that water you got.”

Spencer huffed weakly, but made no move to argue or protest Morgan inviting himself over. “Fine. Please get me chicken noodle soup.”

~

As agreed, Derek got Spencer some chicken noodle soup from a great nearby deli Spencer had told him about a while ago. Derek was proud of himself for this choice in food, even if Spencer had requested soup, he hadn’t requested where. And Derek felt smart for remembering one of Spencer’s favorite places.

Derek arrived to Spencer’s apartment, the door was left unlocked so he came in, carrying the container of soup in both of his hands, so he pushed the front door shut gently with his foot.

“Hey, Reid. I’m here,” he called out into the apartment, as he made his way to the bedroom, finding a sleeping Spencer on the bed, covered in a few miscellaneous blankets to keep him warm.

Derek sat the container of soup onto the nearby bedside table, next to spencer’s near empty water glass, before looking down at reid.

Spencer was perfect, regardless if he was awake or asleep. But asleep he was so peaceful, so calm. Derek could so easily keep Spencer safe from everything in his sleep, hold him in his arms and help ground him. He knew Spencer got nightmares, everyone on the team did. But he knew if he was there, he could help, he could make it better.

Spencer was breathing softly, his face looked slightly flushed, and his hair was all over the place, some strands had fallen onto his face directly, which Derek gently pushed out of the way to get a better look at Spencer.

“Mmm..” Spencer mumbled in his sleep, a response to Derek touching him, Derek took a sharp breath in. God, he wanted to just tell Spencer right now he felt, he so badly did. And Spencer was asleep, what was stopping him? He could say it and Spencer wouldn’t remember. Because unlike conscious Spencer, unconscious Spencer didn’t remember things.

So before his brain could catch up to his body, he did. “I love you.” He told Spencer softly, it was barely above a whisper. It was so quiet he was sure Spencer didn’t hear it at all, but it was just Derek’s unfortunate luck that Spencer started to stir.

“Hm?” He asked, sitting up slowly, Derek pulled his hand away from where he had tucked the strand of hair away.

“I said, I brought you soup.” Derek lied easily, hoping that “I love you” and “I brought you soup” were interchangeable sounding sentences. Spencer just nodded, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes slowly as he turned to look at the container on his bedside table

He didn’t suspect anything, Derek let a breath of relief out internally as Spencer reached for the container. “It didn’t come with a spoon, so I’ll go get you one.” Derek told him, getting up to go back into Spencer’s kitchen and grab a spoon from the silverware drawer.

When Derek came back, Spencer was more awake, holding the container of soup in his hands expectantly as he waited. Derek handed him the spoon wordlessly, before sitting down on the bed next to Spencer. “How are you feeling?” Derek asked him, as Spencer hadn’t tried out the soup yet (he was waiting for it to cool a bit more.) “Tired- sorry I left, by the way.” Reid responded slowly, he still felt the tiniest bit groggy.

Derek shook his head, “No Reid, don’t apologize. Are you feeling any better?” Spencer nodded slowly in response, starting to stir the soup to help it cool down. Derek watched him, the soft light from the only lamp on in the room casted off shadows throughout the walls and onto Spencer. He looked beautiful, even if he was wearing pajamas and his hair was messy and he was stirring his soup while half awake.

To Derek, he looked perfect. And once again, Derek’s body moved too fast for his brain to catch up with. He was suddenly talking; “Reid, can I tell you something?” He asked the tired genius, who just nodded and gave an “Mhm” sound in return as he continued to stir his soup.

Derek breathed in, he couldn’t go back. It was now or never. He turned to face Spencer, and if he hated him after this, so be it.

“I was an idiot, Spencer. When I was with Melissa, searching for a good moment to stay happy about was rare. But the entire time I’ve known you, everything’s been a good moment. Every opportunity I’ve had with you has let me grow and become smarter, and a better person..” he took a second to look back at Spencer, who was now looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“But I’ve still been stupid. Because the entire time I was with her, I only looked forward to being with you. I missed the best thing right in front of me, and I hope you know that I am not normally this dense... but..” this was the hardest part of his whole speech, how the fuck was he supposed to admit something like this?

“But,” he started again, “I like you, Reid. I really like you. This entire time I was chasing the wrong person and following dead leads, like a rookie on a new case. But I realize the only person that makes me feel anything is you- and... I think, I- no. I am. I am falling for you. And I don’t even know if you like guys but-“ It was by this point Spencer put his soup down back on his bedside table, the soft sound shut Derek up easily.

“You’re falling for me?” Spencer asked, just simply clarifying what he had said. Morgan nodded, standing by it. “Yes. I am.”

Spencer breathed out a sigh of relief, something Derek hadn’t expected him to do. “You aren’t stupid... I- um. I’ve been falling for you too.”

That made Derek light up instantly, “You have?” Spencer nodded sheepishly, staring down at his fingernails instead of Derek. “I wasn’t expecting you to...” Spencer mumbled, as if that was a sufficient enough explanation on his part on why he was relieved and surprised.

“It just snuck up on me. I can’t get you out of my head, you’re all I want.” Derek admitted, more brashly than he would’ve liked to phrased things. But that didn’t seem to bother Spencer at all, as he started to lean forward slowly, Derek leaned forward too, reaching up to put his hand on the side of Spencer’s face to help him stay steady. Their lips were inches apart, but Spencer spoke. “Derek, I want to kiss you so bad. But if I’m sick I don’t want to risk infecting you-“

“Pretty boy, I’m breathing your air already. And I don’t think you have the flu, just low blood sugar.” Derek told him, which quickly shushed Reid up. They leaned forward more, and all the feelings of angst and dread that had built up between the two disintegrated as their lips touched slowly.

It was a soft kiss, a chaste one. But there definitely was passion behind it. Morgan stayed close to Spencer, resting his forehead against his.

“I belong with you...” Derek mumbled, he didn’t care if Spencer heard it anymore. He should hear it, he deserved to hear it. He deserved to know he was the only one Derek wanted.

Spencer pulled back, a small smile playing on his lips the entire time. “I can’t believe it...” he mumbled to Derek after a moment. “You should. You said it yourself, I belong with someone better. And it’s you. I just hope you agree.” Derek told him honestly, not leaving anything he said to chance. Spencer nodded, “Yes- you belong with me. Absolutely, yes. I agree.”

Derek smiled, pushing a loose strand of hair back behind spencer’s ear, before leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on Spencer’s forehead. “You eat that soup, I’ll go get you some more water.”

———————————————————————

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[feycreature]

Every other multiple of 2 as well as all prime numbers.

u are. mother fucker.

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs. i have so many. 

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

lollipops but i dont eat sweets much to begin with

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

bubblegum

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i prefer to not drink soda

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

somewhere between goth and grunge side note what the fuck is boho

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

FLOOR HOCKEY. my sophomore year we cut our hockey unit short by a week because the Str8 Boys got mad that they didnt understand hockey and my team kicked ass

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

lunch.

13. lanyard or key ring?

i dont have keys.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

this is hard bc i dont eat sweets and i dont like chocolate much to begin with. im gonna go with starbursts

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

doc martens but theyre hiking boots

18. ideal weather?

60 degrees, sunny, not windy, maybe a little rainy.

19. sleeping position?

side, mostly

22. role model? 

i try to live a life that would make taliesin jaffe proud

23. strange habits?

oh there are so many but the only one that comes to mind is blowing into cups when i take them out of the cupboard

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

oh fuck i love swimming. but i havent swam in years. and probably wont get to until i get top surgery. so im gonna go with jet skiing because i can actually Do that

29. best way to bond with you?

i was gonna say share music with me but. the real answer is play dnd with me i am not joking

30. places that you find sacred?

other peoples’ homes. thats not my place to Be thats not my place to interfere with i Hate being in other peoples homes. our last two store meetings have been at my managers’ houses and i HATE knowing where my managers live and i HATE that ive been in their houses and sat on their furniture and eaten their food that is Their Space im not their friend i do not belong there

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

any t shirt, ripped black jeans, tall docs with too many buckles, black denim jacket i turned into a vest with safety pins along the shoulders, an assortment of spiky accessories, probably eyeliner

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

my dad forces the o’reily’s jingle into my brain on a daily basis

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea?

arnold palmer babey

41. last person you texted?

u, dork. altho if we’re talking actual phone number texting, then my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

it depends what it is. if its something im definitely using and will be annoyed for sure if i leave in my jacket like my phone or wallet it goes in my pants pockets, if its something im temporarily holding or wont use any time soon like pens/my inhaler/pads/change it goes in my jacket

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

comfort and my actual wardrobe says jean jacket, but my heart and aesthetic say bomber jacket

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

sweatshirt and underwear.

47. favorite type of cheese?

gouda i think

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

learning that one of my coworkers had a crush on one of the clowns from barnum and baileys and stands by it followed immediately by another coworker chiming in with “okay but teenage simba was HOT”

53. what is the current state of your hands?

cold and scabby (my tattoo is still healing)

54. what did you learn from your first job?

dont work in a warehouse. just dont.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

i can draw, i can sing in front of people, id like to think im a good dm, and im apparently good enough at navigating customer service that in my year and a half at starbucks only ONE customer has ever complained about me and it was over something i said that she misheard

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? 

i was going to say “based on what i say the most itd be okie dokie” but thats a lie by that logic it would actually be “hi! what can we get started for you?”

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“If I could pull the blood of you from my veins, I would.” -vex, critical role

62. seven characters you relate to?

OOH OKAY THIS WAS A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT ITD BE

weiss schnee (rwby)

rabbit (steam powered giraffe)

wolf (kippo and the age of wonderbeasts)

scorpia (she-ra)

aubrey little (the adventure zone)

beauregard (critical role)

ruby rose (also rwby)

66. favorite flower(s)?

lillies!

67. good luck charms?

a collection of randomly found foreign change in my jacket pocket, a pretty d10 that was accidentally included in one of my dice orders in my Other jacket pocket

70. left or right handed?

so. im right handed. but im naturally left handed. my granny was one of those people who thinks left handed people are the devil so she forced me to use my right hand, so i default to using my left hand but its absolutely useless

71. least favorite pattern?

FUCK PAISLEY.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i know that this Means like mint chocolate or pineapple on pizza or something but. toffee nut and peppermint starb syrups. nobody believes me that its good except the supervisor that got me to try it. its good i swear.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

about a 6 unless its a prescription. if i can stand im gonna suck it up

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

im rly paranoid about foodborne illness so i Have to go with gas station coffee even tho im a little bit of a coffee snob

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

jokes on u i dont have either!

82. pc or console?

pc is this even a question

83. writing or drawing?

drawing

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cookies

89. who would you put before everyone else?

buster.

90. luckiest mistake?

the other day i made a drink wrong and more complicated that it needed to be and the moment i realized my mistake someone came through the drive thru and ordered the EXACT drink i had just made by mistake 

94. favorite season?

fall, hands down

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

exactly one and its mine

98. favorite historical era?

romantic.

[comicteaparty]

February 7th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on February 7th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on MK’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Marika Kapogeorgakis (or MK_Wizard).

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing MK’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Marika Kapogeorgakis (or MK_Wizard)~! (http://mksjekyllandhyde.thecomicseries.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Archangel

I'd have to say the first real heart-to-heart that Hyde had with Lucy.

MK_Wizard

For me (the writer), my favourite scene was when Jekyll finally stood up for his niece Emily.

khkddn

that was one of my favorites too

MK_Wizard

PS, thanks to everyone who came. You all rock!

khkddn

it was so sad when he didn't stand up for her at first

MK_Wizard

@lomcia (princess_lom) Please don't do that.

lomcia (princess_lom)

so you want me to discrabe which one i like?

MK_Wizard

Yes please.

RebelVampire

for the record images, whether emotes or w/e, dont get archived anyway. so text and links are always better

lomcia (princess_lom)

So. I like when he said that he won't have glasses on his face. World NEVER ihere is making me laugh

MK_Wizard

Yes, but... I don't feel comfortable when people take "snaps" of my pictures and show them elsewhere. It's something I was taught not to do to others.

If you must share, please share through a link.

lomcia (princess_lom)

Act 2 page 21 when they look into a mirror xD he look so happy in first panel and then when he realised that its not him xD i love it

MK_Wizard

That was fun for me to do that part.

lomcia (princess_lom)

Act 3 page 7! When he sees our lovely Lucy

that first panel!

Archangel

I must admit to having a bit of a crush on Lucy myself.

lomcia (princess_lom)

It was perfect

MK_Wizard

I have to admit that Lucy is one of the characters I proudest of. I worked very hard on her to not only make her progressive, but also deep. I wanted to give her a reason for being as she is.

Archangel

More historically plausible in our world than you may realize, too

lomcia (princess_lom)

I prefer as a female Hyde

Archangel

lol

Actually, have we seen any lady trolls?

Can't recall

MK_Wizard

Not yet.

lomcia (princess_lom)

not yet so there will be xD

MK_Wizard

Maybe, maybe not.

lomcia (princess_lom)

I hope Albert Ode will find nice woman

RebelVampire

for me, my favorite scene is probably the one where jekyll is in the mirror having given hyde full control and resigning himself to be gone forever. and then hyde comes back and tells him nah dude well work this out. i really just loved the subtle build-up looks where hyde is looking at things like the letter jekyll was leaving and such. it was also very touching and really showed hyde's heart through all the huffing and puffing

lomcia (princess_lom)

I like him i hope he never change

Rebel that was so sad scene , so emotional!

I really enjoy as I said Albert Ode, I hope to see him more offten, hes charming

Archangel

I think somebody has her own crush.

lomcia (princess_lom)

yeah, on all trolls Albert and Hyde

MK_Wizard

I felt is was high time the world got a version of Hyde who was good and still "Hyde" enough. In every adaptation I've seen, Hyde is always bad. And the very concept Robert Louis Stevenson had on good and evil was deep at the time, but now, we know that it's not true. What I did was bold and maybe "wrong" to some people, but it's the truth.

Archangel

I like how both Doc and Hyde have a plausible and sensible mix of good and bad personal qualities. Their interplay is more akin to 'The Odd Couple" than the usual metaphors of id vs superego or drug addiction that I see in other adaptations of the story.

MK_Wizard

Ha! Well, I like to think that by troll standards, Hyde doe faced.

I did that purpose too. If we did what was expected and made Jekyll completely submit to Hyde, that would be expected and dull.

No offence to webcomic writers who take that route.

Archangel

Well, tropes can either be used to a good purpose, subverted to a good purpose, or just blindly followed.

khkddn

Robert Louis Stevenson's take wasn't true?

MK_Wizard

If anything, I can tell you all this: between the two of them, Hyde is more dependent on Jekyll than Jekyll is on Hyde.

lomcia (princess_lom)

MK I really enjoy your story, and I would love to chat more but my eyes don't listen to me :< I wish you all the best, meaby when I'll wake up I will answer for questions which people left as a feedback for you

MK_Wizard

It was true for the psychological view of human nature at the time. So he was just as right as everyone else. But now, we have come a long way with psychology.

So yes and no @khkddn

Thanks @lomcia (princess_lom)

Archangel

It's been a long time since I read the original, but I seem to recall interpreting Jeckyl as the superego and Hyde as the id

Which could be considered good and evil, respectively, in a Victorian mind? Maybe? Not really my period of history, so I don't feel comfortable being definite.

khkddn

I interpreted it as subverting what people of the time thought the "professional gentlemanly man" was supposed to be

Archangel

Hmm. I see that.

MK_Wizard

It could be interpreted many ways. That's the beauty of the original tale.

khkddn

the victorian professional gentleman was supposed to be all good and proper, but here we have this guy turning into an evil man at night

but that's pretty far removed from mk's version

MK_Wizard

Jekyll and Hyde had a lot of complex themes when it came to duality don't forget such as having dark secrets one would be very ashamed of for the Victorian age especially.

khkddn

it's a happier story for one thing. i like how your writing isn't mean-spirited mk.

like there are mean people who do terrible things, but it's never framed as a funny thing or as just something that happens in life that we can't change

RebelVampire

yes i agree, i like this is a more upbeat version. not to say sad things dont happen, but i dont get the impression that its trying to be dark and edgy just to be dark and edgy. sad things happen right when they should

MK_Wizard

I'm not into meanness. I find at one point in the media, being mean got passed off as cool. I don't like that.

mathtans

Little one is asleep in crib (again). ^^ Happening place tonight! I got as far as end of Act 5.

RebelVampire

hi math~!

MK_Wizard

Hello!

mathtans

Fave bit of what I've read was probably at the ball, when we get the extra whammy of who Emma was with. I hadn't expected that. Then when Jekyll is trying to shrug it off, Emily interjects, that was awesome. I really like Emily.

MK_Wizard

Nice to see an Emily fan. I feared people overlooked her.

Archangel

She's a keeper, for sure

I had actually forgotten about her since we haven't seen her in a while. If it's any consolation, I do that to real people too.

RebelVampire

oh really? i 100% expected emma to be with him cause the world was really intent on kicking jekyll down. what i did enjoy was her trying to put all the blame on jekyll tho. cause that is something real ppl do when they get caught as such.

mathtans

Emily is the kick in the pants that Jekyll needs sometimes. I also like Lucy for similar reasons, actually (standing up for herself, whereas with Emily it's for her uncle).

MK_Wizard

@RebelVampire Definitely. I see it happen all to often with cheaters.

mathtans

Rebel: I guess I hadn't anticipated that plot point to still be dangling. Really felt bad for Jekyll at the start on account of kicking him when he was down though, like ouch. Also, agree, it was true to form.

Archangel

The hardest thing to blame is one's self, after all

RebelVampire

i appreciated that emily didnt forgive jekyll for the tennis thing and for not standing up for her. cause that was a point where i was glad she was gonna stop being an enabler of jekyll's flaws in a more slap in the face wake up call kind of way

mathtans

Like, talking could still be a thing. I know that sometimes people avoid, but when you're proposed to, I think that's the time to talk.

MK_Wizard

In Emily's defence, what Jekyll did was cowardly and hurtful.

Archangel

Def

mathtans

Rebel: Yeah, I'm kind of in the middle of that now, but that hurt. Since she was always standing up for him.

MK_Wizard

And don't forget. Emily's a teenager. She will have teen moments.

Archangel

He did correct his mistake and learn from it. Credit where it's due.

mathtans

Oooh, spoilers. (j/k)

Archangel

Oh right, sorry

hehe

mathtans

Heh, it's cool, talk about all the stuff. I do this every week, and never manage to clear the archive half the time.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Two major themes of the comic are what it means to be a better person in the face of personal flaws and how one might learn to be better. Insofar, what has been your favorite moment of growth for any of the characters showcased in the comic? What about this moment struck you as particularly strong? In the larger picture, do you think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde really will continue to help each other to grow? Further, in what ways do you think the two characters can grow further as people? Alternatively, might the two reach a limit where they are no longer able to help each other in this manner? What flaws might both still continue to deal with long term? Overall, how do you think these changes will affect how both characters deal with life, and what can we personally learn from it as readers?

MK_Wizard

I'm afraid there's no way I can answer this without giving things away

Archangel

Good God, where to start. Give me a minute.

mathtans

It's kind of interesting, because Hyde never even had a memory before the transformation. So in some sense, he's a blank slate, and thus everything is growth.

In the beginning, Hyde was doing it for himself, but he inadvertantly helped people. Some part of him must have liked that, because now he does it to help and fight against the system.

Archangel

Okay, so obviously each of our protagonists has a massive, salient character flaw that comes out fairly early on. Jeckyl is too afraid of confrontation, and would rather get shafted than make a scene. Meanwhile Hyde, as @mathtans noted, is very self-centered--in rather a childish way, which makes sense in the context that Mat noted.

Each is well-placed to advise the other and point out that he's being a tool and why.

And -- very importantly -- they can't ignore each other

While each man is far from perfect, we're already seeing them improve in the face of the other's prodding, and finding themselves happier for it

mathtans

They have much to "reflect" on.

Archangel

/facedesk

Bravo, sir

Now I have to wipe soda off my monitor

MK_Wizard

I don't deny that there are tons of metaphors and symbolism in my story.

khkddn

there were earlier times when jekyll became more of a courageous person but i liked in act 8 when lanyon showed up at his door pretending to be friendly and jekyll is not having ANY of it

RebelVampire

be careful with that soda cause math is here to be the pun master

Archangel

Noted

Anyway, to @khkddn 's point, I wonder if it's because it was just the two of them? Maybe J's problem is more social anxiety? Interesting thought.

RebelVampire

yeah seeing jekyll just being like nope was a really satisfying in that moment. like seeing your little boy suddenly grow up.

MK_Wizard

It's a lot of things and it's complex which will be explained more and more as the story goes on.

RebelVampire

my favorite moment of growth is actually when hyde apologizes to lucy. because apologies are legit one of the hardest things to do i think for ppl. because thats a lot of stabbing for the personal ego, and the more prideful, the harder it is. so heres hyde, probably one of the most prideful ppl in the comic, admitting that he said some messed up shit and screwed up. that was a beautiful moment cause taking that many stabs to his ego was a showcase of how far hed come that hed go through such a grand gesture and damage his pride.

mathtans

Hyde also really has no filter when he's talking, while Jekyll has like, massive overthinking of everything before he speaks. It's a live-in-the-moment attitude versus thinking about the future. So if there is a "limit" where they can't help each other, I imagine Jekyll would see it coming.

MK_Wizard

They are opposites @mathtans

mathtans

True. I guess I'm saying that's conveyed well.

Archangel

@RebelVampire it also shows just how deeply Hyde cares for Lucy, that he's willing to basically abase himself like that.

khkddn

i agree w @RebelVampire about that scene, it shows that even if hyde is an opposite to jekyll personality wise, he isn't morally opposite and can be a good person who admits mistakes

mathtans

Speaking of opposites, here's a fun thing I realized. Jekyll loses his job, and his girl, and we feel badly for him. That thug guy Tom ALSO loses his "job" and his "girl" (if shaking down stores can be a job), but because he's on the wrong side of the law (and a jerk), we don't feel badly for him.

Archangel

Well, neither of their flaws are really things that need to be completely removed. They just need to be moderated. Hyde needs to learn a bit of impulse control, and Jeckyl needs to learn to loosen up a bit.

mathtans

Yeah, "Tom" might be the moral opposite.

Archangel

But neither of their attitudes towards life are bad per se, so long as they're not taken to extremes... as they have been doing

Huh, interesting

Or perhaps "there but for the grace of God go I" type of thing?

MK_Wizard

@mathtans Tom is a bad person. Do you all remember how he hit Lucy? Imagine how much worse it would have been if Hyde wasn't there.

RebelVampire

yeah im really interested to see if jekyll's biggest challenge in growing is moderation. cause i didnt entirely disagree with him in certain contexts. like at the party, i was kind of on his side that sometimes just letting things go is better and that theres a time and place for certain...coversations as it were.

Archangel

I'm amazed Lucy doesn't carry a knife or something. Most prostitutes in cities carry something for self-defense (if they're smart), and the habit would likely carry over into working at a bar. Plus Victorian ladies' clothes are REALLY good for concealing weapons. You have to see it to believe it

mathtans

Yeah, jerk as I indicated. Just, similar stuff happened to him. Just thought it was interesting. He's more evil than Hyde is, for sure.

Archangel

Oh absolutely

khkddn

tom doesnt have a cool top hat like hyde and that's why i'll never root for him even if he weren't a bad person(edited)

MK_Wizard

@Archangel Lucy does own a knife, but she knows Tom would have overpowered her.

Archangel

If she'd given him a chance. But I see your point.

The hardest part of hurting or killing someone is actually deciding to do so.

Damaging somebody is terrifyingly easy... if you can bring yourself to do it.

Anyway. off topic.

MK_Wizard

There's a reason she has scars. Like Lucy said, her getting slapped wasn't the worst assault a man had ever done on her. She is brave and tough, but she's not super strong. Lots of men can overpower her and have, but she's not prostitute. She's a waitress, but she is poor so that still makes her an easy target.

Archangel

She started out as a sex worker, though, right? Or am I misremembering.

mathtans

Again, to be clear, I don't think anyone should root for Tom. Just, he had similar stuff happen and approached things in a way that neither Jekyll nor Hyde would. (Very wrongly.)

khkddn

lucy would also need an exit strategy if she used the knife on tom. she would probably have to run away and lay low, which could be more dangerous than staying with him.

mathtans

Lucy is kickass. I liked her remark of an apology shouldn't have a "but".

MK_Wizard

She was a showgirl and eventually had to sort of become a prostitute, but she isn't one anymore.

Archangel

Very true, hadn't thought that through

Seebee

is here to show support

Woo, go MK

Archangel

lol

MK_Wizard

Hey Seebee!

Seebee

Yoooo~

MK_Wizard

Glad you could join us.

You rock!

Seebee

GASP, I'MMA ROCK?!

looks at self

no wonder I got craters on my skiiiin

Archangel

Hope you're a pet rock. Then you get a nice box with straw and everything

MK_Wizard

Just because Lucy is no muscle woman doesn't mean she's a pushover. And now that she doesn't have to submit to people to make a living, she sure as heck never does.

RebelVampire

yeah i think that was a great line, @mathtans cause its really such a simplistic but smart way of weeding a good apology from a bad apology

MK_Wizard

Her having her body belong to herself again is something that is very precious to her.

Archangel

Understandably

Not many people could have gone through as much bad as Lucy has and come out walking erect, as the saying goes. I think that's why admire her so much. I don't think I could ever be that strong.

mathtans

(I'm continuing my read in the background, btw. The April Fools strip with the green hair is a riot. Speaking of bodies belonging to other people.)

khkddn

yeah lucy is one of my favorite characters, she's cool

MK_Wizard

She had to be. No one else was there for her. Back in the day, being of mixed ethnicity was a taboo.

That was the reason she had it rough. It's not right, but... it was not uncommon.

khkddn

if a random person during the time saw lucy would they assume she is mixed? or does she pass as not being mixed?

i'm wondering if this would change how she is treated

Archangel

Speaking for the USA, it depended entirely on the place and the person's specific appearance

But rarely would it be ignored

MK_Wizard

Ha. Well.... she's a cartoon, but if she were real, yes. You would tell because her skin is a bit too dark, she has the eyes and lips, as well as the physique.

mathtans

Just an aside on the topic of cartoons, I feel like it takes a while to draw the hairdos. ^^

MK_Wizard

She can't pass off not being mixed. She's one of those very obvious cases.

Oh ho ho ho. Jekyll's hair IS tedious to draw, but it's worth it because it makes him stand out.

Archangel

Also, her hair isn't right. One of the more dominant traits of African heritage is the way hair behaves--very bristly and stand-outy (I don't know the right word). To get it to flow like Lucy's does, one needs a good deal of product every morning. Or so a friend told me once.

mathtans

Well done, MK. Also for having Emily's be similar, what with the family resemblance.

MK_Wizard

Thanks

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. In the current story, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde have become aware of a mysterious alchemist causing trouble. Who exactly is this mysterious alchemist? Why is this alchemist helping Governor Carew? Exactly what do you think this project is that the board of governors is looking to fund by using the alchemist’s talents? Do you think Mr. Hyde’s previous actions will put the board on extra alert for their investigations? How might this affect Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll’s success in stopping Carew’s villainy, if so? Alternatively, how might the various things the alchemist is able to do (like create gold) change the characters’ views on how the world works? All in all, how do you feel this arc of cases will wind up be solved (or go unsolved)?

Archangel

I do know that one of the standard "tests" of somebody's background back in the bad old days was to look at their hair, precisely because this trait is so dominant.

mathtans

Well, I'm obviously not there yet, but I feel like this was set up very well with the mercury poisoning stuff happening in the background of what I have read.

Archangel

Well, creating gold is always a bad idea when the economy is based on gold. Every mage's guild I've ever seen in any universe has a big fat rule against it

MK_Wizard

In Lucy's case, it's her skin, eyes and lips. Plus, her body type as she got older. Don't forget, coloured people go far beyond the hair and skin.

But back to the subject, it was explicitly stated that making your own gold is 100% illegal.

Archangel

So they have to be either utterly stupid or they don't care about devaluing the currency. Not something for men of means (and thus knowledge of at least some finance and economics) to take lightly

My bad, but my second point stands re: their scheme with the unfortunate chickens

RebelVampire

youre making a huge assumption they understand how the economy works. XD i dont get the impression most of the men of means care, as long as they get theirs and get to have their fancy stuff.

MK_Wizard

Plus, the board of governors have a lot of influence.

mathtans

What about making gold for someone else?

Archangel

I'd like to argue with you, RV, but I can't.

Presumably charged as an accessory, @mathtans

MK_Wizard

@Seebee, you got anything to add to this?

Archangel

Given that we're talking chemistry, though, the other classic thing that comes up aside from gold is some sort of immortality potion. I don't recall any hints to that effect, though.

mathtans

"You made a gold chain for my locket?" "Yes, now it's an accessory."

Seebee

Hmmm... not at the moment

I will be honest, I am ded inside from being out all day))

mathtans

I'm reminded of how Jekyll's first attempts at his formula involved trying almost all elements on the periodic table. He must have certain resources that might be helpful for going after an alchemist.

MK_Wizard

That and Jekyll has the most valuable resource of all: his own genius

Archangel

Mmm. He can certainly analyze any samples or whatnot that Hyde acquires.

RebelVampire

maybe thatll be the next arc, where theyre trying to find an immortality potion.

khkddn

i imagine the alchemist is helping governor carew because he's deeply involved w the plan somehow. it'd be weird if he were just a hired alchemist, because, what're they gonna pay him in? gold?? couldn't he just make the gold himself

Archangel

Perhaps the deal is that they'll put him beyond the law

So he can actually get away with it

No point to crime if you can't enjoy the result

MK_Wizard

It's definitely something big and it also shows how heinous the board of governors really are.

RebelVampire

i kind of think the previous arc has made it more difficult though. cause if i was on the board, i would def be on high alert. all it takes is one guy saying "hey i saw hyde snooping around stopping our gold operation"

MK_Wizard

Actually, nobody can say or do anything.

The alchemist burnt the evidence and place to the ground.

mathtans

Everything probably points back to Carew. That guy is shady as anything. (Incidentally, good job emphasizing his character with that statue debacle near the start. Not a nice man.)

RebelVampire

i can only think the alchemist is in it for the secret project. cause i agree with khkddn, its not like the alchemist needs gold

Archangel

I don't think we've seen any bent cops to this point, which means that the Governors either need enough evidence to fool honest cops (not so easy to fake), or to keep mum

MK_Wizard

It's a bit of both. Not enough evidence and some cops are crooked much to Sgt. Drumwell's dismay.

Archangel

There's always a few, and they always get promoted. >_<

Kei Esteban

Hello! Sorry I'm Late!

MK_Wizard

It's cool!

Archangel

*Hi ho

khkddn

heya

Kei Esteban

Thanks

RebelVampire

tbf its not like these are modern csi times. so theres only so many ways they can analyze evidence in the first place

MK_Wizard

Exactly

khkddn

do they even have fingerprint technology at this point?

Archangel

The techniques were fully established by that point, but not so widely accepted

MK_Wizard

They do have a way of detecting fingerprints, but fire destroys everything.

mathtans

Gotta make themselves a time machine.

Archangel

Wiki "Henry Classification System" sometime for an interesting insight into pre-fingerprint policing

khkddn

ah well to get anything out of ashes i think they would need chemical analysis that doesn't exist yet. it'd prolly be faster to build a time machine yep

Archangel

The problem with fire is that it alters the chemical composition of everything

MK_Wizard

Exactly. The alchemist knew precisely what he was doing.

Archangel

So unless you have research data, it's pretty much impossible to ID the source substances.

khkddn

they need chemical analysis that doesn't even exist in OUR time yet

Archangel

Well, the good guys do have a genius (al)chemist on their side...

Speaking of, @MK_Wizard , is there an actual technical distinction between chemistry and alchemy, or is it just po-tay-to/po-tah-to?

mathtans

Maybe someone will Hyde the evidence.

MK_Wizard

Yes and no.

khkddn

if only the chickens could speak english. then the truth would be out there

MK_Wizard

To explain, alchemy has some spirituality and magical properties behind it. Basically, it was the stepping stone to chemistry. People discovered that magic did have a science behind it and upon further research, people discovered that magic had a direct link to nature.

khkddn

i have to work on a school project and this is distracting me way too much so i'm gonna go. it's been fun chatting!

Archangel

glhf

MK_Wizard

With that, human beings who have no magic invented a way to "use magic" without having any themselves. Alchemy. They would use ways of manipulating nature in supernatural ways and through that, they discovered how to make chemicals and made other marvels through science.

@khkddn thanks for joining us

Of course, it wasn't just humans who used magic. Other races did too.

Kei Esteban

Ah, Other than Trolls and Humans, do you have any interest in having other Races show up?

mathtans

Interesting bringing that up, what with trolls being a thing common enough to be known with police. I wondered too.(edited)

MK_Wizard

Definitely. In fact, you already saw two and didn't know it.

Remember the short guy Biggs? He's a gnome.

Archangel

Oh cool

Kei Esteban

Ah Neat ^_^

Archangel

I still say he needs a buddy named Wedge

Kei Esteban

XD

RebelVampire

thats interesting. cause i was curious why everyone was like shrugging to the presence of trolls

XD

MK_Wizard

The other one is Tyler the redhead, but what HE is... you're going to see

mathtans

Now I'm picturing Biggs renting himself out to stand in gardens during the day.

Archangel

"If I parked a tank outside your office, after a week it would be just another car." --one of my vet buddies

Kei Esteban

I look forward to finding out ^_^

Archangel

(as in my buddy who's a vet. I was never in the Service)

Also, London in our world is one of the most metropolitan environments on earth. I bet it's the same in the story.

MK_Wizard

Most definitely,

mathtans

I now kind of wonder about interracial breeding.

MK_Wizard

It's like the "New York" of Europe in my comic. You'll find anyone there.

Archangel

Just like in real life

MK_Wizard

You've seen it already. Sgt. Drumwell is half troll and half human.

mathtans

Like, troll and human must be a thing given how Hyde and Lucy.... oh, yeah? Hummmm.

MK_Wizard

Hence his human appearance, but he has yellow fangs and his eyes.

Kei Esteban

Settings like that are always nice too see

MK_Wizard

It's also why he's compassionate. He was lucky because his parents were very wealthy so their money protected them. Plus, he passes off as a human mostly, but his eyes, teeth and height give him away.

Archangel

Well, it's for MK to say for sure, but one of the definitions of separate species is the inability to interbreed. There are exceptions, but that's the general rule. It would be interesting to see Hyde and Lucy have little ones, though. In due course.

Kei Esteban

indeed

RebelVampire

are laws applied equally or is there inequality as far as different species go? like is there special laws that only exist for trolls, etc.?

mathtans

Actually, Sgt Drumwell is their child. Eventually Jekyll perfects the time machine and sends him back.

MK_Wizard

lol no

Archangel

lmao

MK_Wizard

Here's how it works. It's generally a taboo socially, but if you're very rich, you can get away with a lot. You just won't be respected for it.

For example... there's another non-human you saw without knowing it. Utterson's redheaded wife Camilla. She's a wizard.

AND he married her without making her convert to his faith/human lifestyle. He allows her to continue living openly as a wizard and practicing her culture.

Archangel

Fascinating. And again, makes sense that people would regard sentient species the way they regarded other races at the time.

Kei Esteban

Well he is a Great guy, so that's not too surprising he would be respectful of her completely

MK_Wizard

Her hair was also an Easter Egg to her race. In old lore, red heads were often thought to be witches.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Despite working together, Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll still argue quite often and risk their own safety a lot. How might their shared injury and pain help or hurt their ability to function in their own daily lives in the future? Do you believe that at some point the two’s shared identity of sorts will be revealed? If so, how do you envision this coming about? Given the growing relationship between Mr. Hyde and Lucy, will Mr. Hyde be compelled to tell her at some point? What about Dr. Jekyll with his niece and nephew? Do you think the two’s shared arrangement with the body will work long term, or will they at some point need to make alterations to their living situation? Ultimately, how do you feel their living arrangement will affect their future adventures, whatever you think those future adventures might be?

Kei Esteban

@MK_Wizard Oh no! They are on too me! (I'm a Red head XD)(edited)

MK_Wizard

Ok, for this... I leave entirely up to all of you. So... bring on the fan theories!

Archangel

Let's see. Well, Lucy absolutely has a right to know. How she'll react, I have no idea.

As to Emily & Will... I think Emily should be briefed in, if only so she won't freak out if Hyde has to come get them to prevent a kidnapping or something by the opposition.

MK_Wizard

Keep in mind. Nobody knows yet.

Nobody except Louis and he's not talking.

Archangel

Right. I think Lucy can keep a secret. Emily... honestly don't know her well enough to say.

RebelVampire

yeah i think as far as a long term arrangement, its not gonna work. because assuming hyde wants to marry lucy at some point, thatd be problematic. even worse, what if jekyll meets somebody. they are fooling themselves if they think this can work out indefinitely. so jekyll is gonna need to put that genius to work.

Kei Esteban

I think it would be best in the long run for those closest to them to know. Lucy and Emily would be a great start indeed

Archangel

Knowledge of the situation would be all that Carew & Lanyon need to discredit anything Jeckyl says, ever, so it certainly can't become public knowledge.

MK_Wizard

Lanyon is out of the picture for good. It's the one thing I can confirm. He's defeated for good.

Archangel

Yay!

He was a good bad guy, though

Kei Esteban

I love how he effectively defeated himself! XD

MK_Wizard

That was the point. And it was also karma. Lanyon got successful by riding on Jekyll's tail and taking everything that was his.

In the end, doing this was his undoing.

Sure he didn't have Jekyll's money to do stuff, but it didn't make being a skunk ok especially because Jekyll really did see him as a friend and would have hlped him.

Kei Esteban

It was such a Creative way to end the conflict ^_^

Archangel

I don't think he'd believe you if you'd told him that to his face. People like that seem to get that way because they assume that everybody's out to get everybody. At least in my (blessedly limited) contact with the species.

Kei Esteban

That's an unfortunate way to look at the world. By that i mean the "everybody out to get everybody" bit.(edited)

MK_Wizard

I wanted to show that there are good and bad people from every social standing.

Basically, different kinds of good and bad people.

mathtans

Back. (Had to see to the little one briefly.)

MK_Wizard

Aww

mathtans

In terms of people knowing, would they believe without seeing the transformation?

Archangel

Good question

MK_Wizard

Would you? I don't think so.

mathtans

It's not like people have iPhones to video record it.

Archangel

That might help them keep the secret

mathtans

I mean, there's the argument of they haven't been in the same room together.

RebelVampire

nah i highly doubt it. in fact, far more likely the person claiming this is a thing that happened would get sent to an asylum

MK_Wizard

Yeah, but... who would believe the two share a body that transforms without seeing it?

mathtans

Though I agree with Rebel that they'll need to figure something out so that relationship things don't become an issue.

Someone with MPD?

MK_Wizard

Not talking (teasing)

I will share one tidbit... At the end of the true end of the story, there will be no loose ends.

For anything. And that is all.

mathtans

Just got to the bit with Lanyon, btw, that you were referencing earlier. That was very clever, coming full circle, and good final shot of him in the mirror.

RebelVampire

actually ya know tbf, didnt louis take some of the potion. you could use louis to show its a real thing

in the sense of the transformation

mathtans

Crazy theory time: Jekyll figures out how to shift Hyde to share a body with someone else instead. Hyde and Lucy decide to become "one", and ride off into the sunset.

MK_Wizard

I will say this now... no.

That sounds romantic on paper, but that would actually be bad.

Because how would they be a couple?

mathtans

Kissing mirrors.

Archangel

That'd make it like that one movie where the knight and the lady each shapeshift, but they alternate states at dawn and can never be together. That was one weird movie.

Good curse, though

MK_Wizard

That sounds like the worst kind of hell for two people deeply in love. To be so close, yet completely separate.

Kei Esteban

@MK_Wizard like Garnet, from Steven Universe? XD

Archangel

Actually, what Mat describes would be a truly horrible curse for a couple. I might use that someday.

MK_Wizard

Garnet is not Ruby and Sapphie per se. She is the embodiment of their love.

mathtans

Yeah, you're not wrong. Okay, so Hyde and Poole...?

Archangel

Poole's not getting any younger

What happens when one half dies?

MK_Wizard

They both die.

Kei Esteban

@MK_Wizard Very True (I guess we can't use Gem logic here)(edited)

mathtans

Yeah, I think that was stated. When they hurt, the other hurts too.

RebelVampire

yeah i feel the fact they share pain and death is gonna be weaponized against them. cause if i needed to get rid of hyde, id go for jekyll if i knew that fact. cause whats jekyll gonna do? slap me a little?

Kei Esteban

then how about Hyde and Carew? (Hyde just takes over full time)

MK_Wizard

You all really hit the nail on the head that them sharing a body, but not lives and such is going to become a challenge.

Archangel

Good point. Though you'd have to bump Jeckyl right away rather than keeping him around. Come sunset...

mathtans

Just to talk about Emily again (because she's cool), I feel like she'd understand, if the truth came out. Though I wonder if she'd be hurt that Jekyll didn't say anything sooner.

Archangel

Ooo, I like Kei's idea. Not sure it works that way, though.

MK_Wizard

And I will disprove the theory now.... Hyde and Jekyll cannot suddenly be shifted to another person. Neither soul is a "disease" you can hand onto someone else.

Archangel

@mathtans I agree. My concern would be whether she can keep a secret. She is a teenage girl, after all.

MK_Wizard

They are a person.

Archangel

And keeping a cool secret is hard at any age

MK_Wizard

They are two people.

Kei Esteban

indeed

mathtans

Archangel: She's pretty mature for her age though. Granted, she's also pretty outspoken. I don't think she'd say anything intentionally, but it might come out in the heart of the moment or something. (Which is maybe why she could accept not having been told.)

RebelVampire

i think emily could keep a secret. now will on the otherhand

MK_Wizard

So all theories of them being put onto someone else will not come to pass because that's impossible.

RebelVampire

will i would believe couldnt keep a secret cause hes even younger(edited)

Archangel

Perhaps with the materials to 'construct' a new body, and the proper spellwork, each can be embodied separately? Sort of a siamese twin operation?

Will is right out at his age.

Kei Esteban

Will being a kid, might even think it's cool (Which he would be right)(edited)

mathtans

So maybe one of them decides to sacrifice themselves for the good of the two of them. Jekyll already tried that once.

MK_Wizard

I won't say much about who can keep a secret, but in my experience, it goes with personality not age.

Archangel

I will say that almost nobody under the age of 10 can keep a secret in my experience. But aside from that, agreed.

mathtans

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Nellie couldn't keep a secret.

MK_Wizard

You've also seen that Hyde would never have that. He's not an active killer. And he loves Jekyll as a brother. He wouldn't kill him if he asked him to.

And taking over essentially does that.

Archangel

I'm not sure Nellie's bright enough to grasp the core concept XD

Kei Esteban

XD

Archangel

Here's a really trippy question, MK: do J&D have separate souls, or do they share one?

mathtans

(And I had to go to the cast page to look up the name, and now I see how "half troll" is right there in Drumwell's bio, nice.)

MK_Wizard

They have separate souls.

Archangel

Obviously their minds are separate, but I'm questioning their spiritual state in the technical sense

Okay, so it's reasonable to theorize that they could be separated and embodied separately. It would certainly take high magic, though.

MK_Wizard

The Hyde Formula has magical properties. For example, did you know that in reincarnation, the soul splits? Hence why some people who get reincarnated can be reincarnated as multiple people.

Archangel

I've never heard that.

mathtans

Well, if the original intention was a sort of "Disney" Jekyll and Hyde, maybe there will be a Disney ending? Somehow?

Archangel

Pillars of Eternity has this whole thing about souls fragmenting, but that's more like chips off a rock over time.

MK_Wizard

In the case of Jekyll and Hyde, Hyde came from a piece of Jekyll's own soul, but it became its own unique being.

Yes, You got it!

Archangel

Makes sense.

MK_Wizard

Keep in mind, even Disney endings aren't always perfect.

RebelVampire

the disney ending will be hyde and lucy riding off in a carriage with the just got married sign and jekyll will come to cause they decided to just make it a threesome

although that joke aside i wonder if jekyll and lucy will ever interact

MK_Wizard

Uh, no lol

Lucy is not Jekyll's type and Hyde would not share his woman with anyone.

Nor would Jekyll do that.

Jekyll is as monogamous as they come lol.

mathtans

Hmmm, and is it too late to ship Lucy and Emma?

Archangel

RV is right insofar as it would be interesting to see how Jeckyl and Lucy get along socially. I imagine that after some initial sounding out, they'll manage well enough. After all, Lucy is a lady and Jeckyl is a gentleman. That goes a long way.

lmao

Kei Esteban

It would be nice to see Jekyll meet someone new, that is actually good for him

Archangel

^

MK_Wizard

@mathtans That ship is solely wish fulfilment and a fan fantasy.

RebelVampire

i more wonder the social interaction cause that could make hyde jealous. if jekyll and lucy got along even if it was totally platonic

Archangel

Actually, someone like Emily would be very good for Jeckyl... in the sense of personality, not age.

mathtans

(I always ship the ladies... ) And actually, the thought that it's a fan fantasy already amuses me.

Archangel

Cue the "I ship it, I don't care" song

MK_Wizard

I made this comic knowing people would do ships if the comic caught on. All I say is that, as long as you accept that it is not the official storyline.

mathtans

Maybe Jekyll can be the best man at the Hyde/Lucy wedding?

Archangel

Only if Poole is the Father of the Bride

Otherwise J would slide down to second place IMO

mathtans

What's official is definitely up to the author. All the best with it! It's an interesting take.

MK_Wizard

Thanks

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Marika Kapogeorgakis (or MK_Wizard), as well, for making MK’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Marika Kapogeorgakis (or MK_Wizard)’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://mksjekyllandhyde.thecomicseries.com/

Marika’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MK_Wizard

Marika’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/mkwizard

Marika’s Storenvy: https://mkomics.storenvy.com/

Marika’s Gumroad: https://gumroad.com/MK_Wizard

Marika’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/MKJekyllAndHyde

[ashren]

Interview with a Fic Writer

Thanks for tagging me @socially-awkward-skeleton :3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

10 right now! I did have some fics on an old side blog that i forgot to move to Ao3 before deleting rip to those :,) but even then it would only be like ~14

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

33,229

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Most of my top 5 are from Check, Please because I wrote for that fandom a while ago so they've also been up for ages now! from

5-Duck and Cover (TOW- Felix's POV)

4-Waiting for the Opportune Moment (Check please! nurseydex)

3-Vacationland! (check please! nurseydex and also my first fic on Ao3 lol)

2- Bitty's Favorite Peach (check please! zimbits)

1- Bitty's Beer League (check please! zimbits au)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I generally try to! But I also forget to a lot bc I forget to respond to literally everything 😭

I super appreciate every comment i get tho, truly 🥺💕

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

TBH i'm a sucker for happy endings bc idk the world sucks enough already (that's not to say i won't consume angsty media, i'm just not here to write it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

so p much all my fics have a happy ending lol. however, i do have some of Ren's pre Hope life written out and if i ever posted that as a fic it would 100% be the angstiest fic

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

haha yeah so they're all happy :,) but the "happiest" would probably Bitty's Beer League bc it's my longest fic and they're idiots who like each other but don't realize it

OR u could say the happiest ending is in Max Capacity bc that's the only smut i have up heheh 😏

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not that I've posted. They usually super self indulgent so I never bother polishing them up or anything

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Lol nope!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

:^) I have One up and i have many half finished pieces scattered in my docs 😅

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not beyond just brainstorming before hand

13. What’s your all time favourite ship?

HARD ONE

Spideypool i think

I always go back to those two

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

Parvati's POV story 😭 i just lost steam on it immediately bc i hadn't figured out a lot of Ren's character yet, and now it's just sitting there while i obsess over pirates

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at writing fluffy pieces! Like i said, i write a lot of happy stories so i've gotten a bit better at writing those cute fluffy moments

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

stealing from skelly, general descriptions 🙃

i tend to get so wrapped up in moving the story along that i forget to orient the reader in the space a lot of times

which is why editing for me is VERY important bc usually that means for me "adding in very important details ur reader needs to understand the story" lol

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i don't do it bc i only know one language but i love it when authors do it in general!

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

........i was a kid, keep that in mind 😅

twas blink 182 rpf 😭 i grew out of that p quick and then i wrote for some small fandoms occasionally but Check Please was the first thing i posted to Ao3!

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet, but want to?

Many ships, probs too many to count, but for fandoms, probably the FAHC (fake AH crew/ Achievement Hunter GTA personas) or honestly spideypool! id love to write more marvel comics fanfic in general but i'm not as comfortable with their voices (yet)

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

That I've published? Bitty's Beer League! It's the longest fic i have and i spent a lot of time on it when i wrote it, and even though it's not the polished piece ever, it's still a fun reread for me :)

That I haven't published yet? This Pirate Au, i'm going in hard on it and might be able to post some chapters soon!

i waited so long to do this i think everyone i know has been tagged, but if u wanna do it consider this me tagging you ! :3

[the-main-characterr]

realised i forgot to watch tharntype,

will do rn.

kinda feel like i also grew out of that but eh we’ll see

types aggressive being still annoys me

y u always >:(

if i dated someone for 7 years and they still didn’t marry me, i’d be insecure ASF

i like 2gether more than tharntype

it’s prettier

you could’ve done ur alarm urself bitch

why are you talking so slow?

why are u judging em tho just watch the show

i think everyone that knows me a lil bit knows why i like 2gether more

7 years are actually a lot-

AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES

i kinda want one but i also don’t like what

i said it before and i’ll say it again: types aggressive behaviour annoys me

not tryna b judgemental but if u stick to type for 7 years u have all my respect

watching this hurts in my soul

that p’cir and phu r cool

love the sound effects

love the time i lived in when i watched the first season

if i’m so judgemental already, i also don’t like their kitchen

it’s so boring wth

wow- now i feel bad.

sorry.

the way tharn puts his phone in his front pocket is everything but *judgemental comment here* i can’t think of any bad things rn

i’m so scared of both of them like they’re always like >:(

you can’t just force someone into marriage-

no but like why would a stranger want to know if you have a relationship or not i mean you’re not going to random people and say hi we’re married

i mean i would do that but i’m the main character-

if someone “could stay mad at me” id be fucked-

yall are so sensitive just touch the bread

that phegun and p’cir are cute ngl

no like literally yall are so dramatic

i liked fiat but wth

doc is cute

just because you’re not married doesn’t mean you’re sharing him-

type improved tbh

awh they cute-

the music———————— jail

marriage.

POSSESSIVEEEEEEE

lucky me being zen-meryem rn

perfect representation on how personality can destroy everything

until this day, i still don’t know what a lines ID is supposed to be

this was too cute i’m ded

rip me

i love the sound effects yfrvjjvgjmkb

love their style

fiat u can’t just-

come for a taken man that’s the most disgusting thing possible

like even if he wasnt happy with tharn or in a toxic relationship it’s not ur stupid job to manipulate and steal wth

leo u have all my respect

wouldnt mind being ur bestie

stfu fiat u r a toxic attention seeking bitch that is nothing more but unethical

selfish brat

this is cute-

love

ngl the fact it’s been 7 years n they stilsbxbwjbdwbbx

cute

ok leo i understand why u took it back but i still respect u for even doing it

phugun is too possessive

of p’cir idk the names but one of them

the not cute one

idk why yall hate on no so much he funny af

oh i see

phugun is the cute one

P’CIR IS TOOO POSSESSIVE

let the man live wth

seo is literally it dnxjdbjdbsbf

what did actually happen to the guy that’s been a bitch and possessed over tharn

lol i actually feel bad for type. it’s the first time i see him EMOTIONAL and damn-

must hurt.

omg istg i also wonder why he doesn’t quit

this is too much I CANT

Imma suffocate on the cutegsbsbdbbd ah i’m dying

hmph ig im just to tough to cry😤

WOAH

heart attack-

SHXBHSBC A MAN

doc, ily

this picture-in-picture thingy is so cool

i remember a time type didn’t want to admit he missed him

the hdhxb ishdiuebchw immaculate

fiat i’m scared of u

“every time i really want someone, i never get them” FELT. FELT FELT FELT difference is that my dumbass don’t want them when they want me🥲 it’s ok. time knows what it’s doing

fiat u r heartless

imagine having a healthy relationship with ur mother in law

yall be having literal bodyguards

i could SELL MY SOUL HE DID SOMETHING IN THAT DRINK

ok i wasn’t sure about it but by the amount that guy said cheers i couldn’t be more convinced that this man is evil

the fact that he didn’t tuck his shirt is the whole evidence

DATE ALREADY I CANT HHGGYYGCCXDDXCGBB U N CHAMP FOREVER

doc-

you heard him don’t leave him

HUH WAIT I HAVE TO WAIT!?

THOUGHT I CAN

WATCH IT ALL THROUGH

if you don’t move ur ass rn i’ll come to thailand myself n kick ur ass

too invested-

JANUARY 22?/!/£:!.!3):£WHAT

i cant-

okay cool i waited a few weeks imma continue wasching now

oh i remember. i was yelling at that basketball kid

STOP ASSAULTING A DRUNK PERSON AH J CANT MY EYES

omg leo thanks u saved my life thank u ily

you don’t have to be on top of him just to question him-

be scared stupid bitch

types just simply sleeping somewhere completely left alone👁👄👁

DUDE WHY U SO AGGRESSIVE

i CaN bE yOuR hUsBaNd BITCH ION REALLY THINK SO

WOW

I FORGOT UR NAME BUT DAYUMN SHOW HIM

i wish i had someone that kept his promise under every circumstance

ppl that promise me things b like i NeVeR sAiD tHaT hUhH

yall just so addicted to each other like chill

if i’d marry someone, i’d feel so old

like hi i’m MARRIED

stop with the i miss u it’s so emotional

tharn you look so done with ur life lmfao

fiat you’re so annoying istg

cant u just ply basketball and leave these ppl alone like piss off

why yall crushing on type crush on me

fiat go study or sumn srsly

STOP

omg STAHP HE JUST SAID WATCH UR KNEE

DONT U FUGGIN KISS HIM OMFG

ah doorbell.

thanks.

phu you’re so funny

WHAT- wth fiat please stop you’re ridiculous

For seven years, i’ve never had eyes for anyone but him. damn- imagine-

my hearts b shattering ITS NOT HIS FAULT

well okay there’s a lot of evidence against

STILL

ITS NOT HIS FAULT

i mean i see tharns point but

ARGHZBSHSBXBWBXB

for personal reasons i will be passing away

the audacity of this bitch is giving me ANGER

imagine buying wedding rings just to come home n hear “we should take a break”

fuck anger i’ll cry

why even want fiat💀

AH DONT CRY J CANT HSBSHABX

phu you’re so cute like THE CHARACTER

thanya you’re such a queen i can’t explain

this scene is so funny they all b sitting there like 👀👀👀👀👀

MY SOUL

you disgust me.

ok first off phu gun your style is so cool like that white shirt- FABULOUS 10/54

n second off, my dumbass felt like WHO IS THAT MAN HITTING ON FIAT I KNOW HIM

silly me it’s cir-

handsome man ngl

WHY DROP UR SUITCASE HUH

don’t tell me he died

oh god he didn’t die-

WHATS THE MATTER THEN

you guys are so sensitive can’t get hurt at all

always going like OH SHIT I NEEDA GO TO THE HOSPITAL

“cant even make an instant noodle” that’s why we admire u lmao

ok chill u just spilled it

you look so cute when u pissed at urself shxbsbc

ah thanya u r so cool

HERE IT IS THE HEALTHY MARRIAGE I WAS SEARCHING IN THIS SERIES OMFG

“lack of communication can even break apart the most loving relationship” SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PPL IN GHE BACK

COMMUNICATION, WHAT A LOVELY WORD

this series is fulfilled now

i could listen to these two forever

i cant with leo and fiat fcstvhjfftc

don’t act like the shy bitch now u stoopid

this is hard to watch ew

khom being a philosopher of love fxtvjbj

he didn’t just leave his i miss u

yall tryna get drunk with my heart

STOP CRYINGGGGG

im gon suffocate

stop i didn’t start this show to murder myself

pls calm ur face u look so aggressive

i wonder how many times tharn talked to sleeping type in those 7 years

u r basically talking to a wall

OH

HE WROTE THAT SONG

oh just to be someone to know what ordained is

those blue thingys r so cool

thanks this is everything i needed

doc champ, how long shall i wait

he’s not bald-

did they even cut his eyebrows-

oh monk.

didn’t they shoot these scenes during rona-

those r some fire makeup skillz

HE DID NOT

YOURE SIMPLY PLAYING WITH HIS HEART

WHATDIDHESAYYYY

officially ripped my heart into pieces

that was definitely not a kiss kiss

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Indie

Rio: How did you even? Rio: Soz Bills but this is next level sorcery! Indie: nah man it werent no militant thing Indie: when your ride that crutterz whatever i did was gonna make it less clappin' innit Indie: plus your boy mad distracting 👌 i been knew Rio: Too real 😂 could hear me coming, like Rio: giving the boy racers a run for their money and I ain't even tryna hang, lads 😬😷 Rio: Idk how yous even managed it seriously but 👏 Indie: could here you cumming too bitch i knew i had time 😏😂 Indie: forreal tho you better not drag without me 👑 of the strip like so gimme them 2s Indie: thank me with that good 🎂 fore the sibs take every slice Rio: Ew shut up 😂 Rio: 'Course, babe Rio: Not racing for pinks now you got my motor so 🔥 tho Rio: Can have Ro's Rio: baby might want some of that taste sensation like but 🤷 Indie: tell yourself and your mans 👌🤐 Indie: yeah your whip is beast now if i do say myself after clocking in dem hours Indie: gotta hit drew with his share of that sugar cos he did help me source Indie: but unlucky younger you ain't getting yours 😂 Rio: PLEASE Rio: I know you ain't been hearing when I been trying so hard Rio: full time occupation keeping it 🤐 legit Rio: I love it Rio: That's good, nothing like bonding under the hood of a car right? Indie: is it? then how am i clued that mckenna aint the strong silent type that he is in the streets 😏 boy got some volume Indie: gurl we need more paper if you want that privacy cos thats how the walls be in this drum Indie: yeah? i love you bitch 💖 Indie: naaaah you kno he aint getting himself dirty like that with no oil or grease Indie: 💰 only Indie: & he took me buying off them travellers and DAMN how some of those lads be 😍 Rio: Imma pretend I didn't hear THAT 'cos I ain't about to share his secrets 😏 Rio: I'll work on it then 😜 Rio: Always gon' love you bitch 🧡 Rio: What a tart 🙄 Rio: Not you though don't be tryna give me grey hairs already gurl 😂 Indie: 😂 Indie: me too cos you the only 1 getting that work done free baby Indie: 💖💖💖 Indie: gotta look good for his fancy piece innit 🏥 Indie: catch me on site tryna get grabbed rn giving you all the alone time w mckenna you be needing Rio: Trust, feeling that special with it 💖👸 Rio: 'Course, not that he's afraid of hard graft or anything, nah 😏 Rio: Hold up on the heart attack you gonna give Ma Rio: 'cos about to both have all that alone time 🛫🏖 Indie: safe 👑 Indie: nah nah 😂 hardest working rudeboy in the 24 Indie: self titled drew innit tho Indie: ma can get in line cos how these boys are got me feelin i could have one of my own 😍😍 mines bout to stop on the words they say & them accents Indie: gotta play hard like my wifey do so i dont get vexed being here in this temp at this time Indie: stuck schoolin & hustlin like 😒 Rio: 😂 Rio: I ain't no snitch so I'll keep it on the dl Rio: but bitch knows her way 'round that site herself so 👀 out for her even if your 💘 is gone like Rio: Poor baby 😟😥 Promise it's your turn next, anywhere you wanna Indie: ✌✌✌ Indie: its chill ill party like its my bday & im legal Indie: cant keep a rudegirl down Indie: gimme the 411 on how mckenna did tho did he come through w your 💍 or nah Rio: Gotta have one on me, like Rio: wouldn't be polite otherwise 😋 Rio: [pics] Rio: Bitch, when I tell you I can't even Indie: 😮😮 bitch WTF Indie: how he out here doing it like that?? Indie: boy stop Indie: but like dont Rio: I know Rio: and you're gonna see where we're going Rio: it's ridiculous Rio: he's ridiculous Indie: 😍😍😍 Indie: and you dont want me on his friends bitch EXCUSE ME Indie: i gotta tap this demo Rio: I thought we was all about the travellers now? Rio: if I can't keep up with you idk how these lads stand a chance 💔😉 Indie: allow it Indie: not trying to get wifey'd by anyone else Indie: & no lad has said yeah to my 💘 yet Indie: hmu all of yous Rio: At the risk of sounding older than the 18 I'm repping now Rio: Enjoy the ride, babe Rio: way more fun Indie: 😂😂 Indie: this boy tho i need him 💰 or nah Rio: Gimme the deets then! Indie: i gotta go back & get em im pure 💘 from first 👀 Rio: You best hmu when you do Rio: just 'cos Imma be in paradise don't mean I'm not still mumsie Indie: if you dont hear then you know i been owned by my 😍 & hes some chief wasteman who just thinks he bad Rio: all been there Rio: and you know, can't be judging whilst you keeping my secret can I? Indie: ma please thats your whole job 😂 it is how my step be doin it like Rio: I'll let her cover it then Rio: be the cool mum we all know i'm destined to be Indie: is it? Indie: can you be cool & tell her to hurry up and drop so the baby girl can vex her stead of me Indie: living so dry rn Rio: You reckon that'll make her any cooler? Rio: Mumming even harder, just you wait babe Indie: 😒😒 Indie: tell her i got loads of mas then Rio: Bless Rio: least we're back on so you don't have to live with her and Drew, like Indie: 🙏🙏 foreal tho shes flatroofin me from afar i cant be running in that house no more Indie: dont leave me woman Rio: Promise Rio: that said, a bitch be packing Indie: not gonna say take me w this time cos i kno what you finna do w that boy Indie: 😏 mad jealous Rio: 🤐 remember Indie: trust Indie: if i go back for that lad tonite is that too hype? its been a minute since i was there but idk Rio: Nah, go for it babe Indie: ✌✌ Indie: garda better keep things jam cos i aint asking drew for a ride there Rio: Not the vibe getting your Da to take you to a dick appointment, like Indie: 😂😂 Indie: hes been in a weird vibe Indie: must be cos the 👶 is due soon Rio: Yeah? Rio: Know he ain't go as hard as mine but hardly new to the game Indie: first time hes done it standard tho Indie: still no excuse to get so high off your own supply tho Indie: idk man Indie: maybes hes having a midlife Indie: maybe shes just driving him how she do me Rio: God knows Rio: ain't your job to stress it tho Rio: leave that to them, like Indie: innit Indie: just dont let mckenna put one in you Indie: its a madness how she flips Rio: Err no chance Rio: I bet Rio: already highly strung bless her, then you throw a load of hormones at her, nah, I'm good Indie: you can rep that how you like babe but aint none of our parents tryna bring us & still we out here vibin Indie: least they wanted this one like Rio: Yeah but I've heard of birth control 🙄 Rio: You think she'll make him marry her? Rio: Get a dress, like Indie: how un 🍀 of you bitch 😂 Indie: yeah shes been after a 💍 since she landed back in his bed Indie: better not try and put me in no dress Rio: 😂 matching with your younger Rio: so cute Indie: allow it Indie: ill 🛑 that shit fore i agree that Rio: 😬 no one needs to see that Indie: or other mckenna snapping the day like she needs the 💰 Indie: wheres the peng one taking you then? Rio: fr fr Rio: Maldives baby Rio: I'll send you all the pics Indie: 😮😮😮😮 Indie: that boy gon kill me & i aint even going Indie: don't send me ALL the pics tho I dont need 👀 for what ive already 👂 Rio: this place gon' kill me Rio: i been some places but damn Rio: behave Rio: gotta pay for that privilege honey 💁 Indie: when you fam & she still tryna charge 😂 Indie: tax a celeb hottie aint that how & where they hang? Rio: You want that new drum babe Rio: 🤞 Indie: hells yeah i want that new yard for a 🐶 Indie: make it happen ma Rio: 💪 here's hoping there's a becks or some shit out here Indie: spoke like mckenna aint dropping that dime on you standard Indie: lookin & actin all 😇 Indie: 💸💸💸 Rio: Think asking for a new gaff is taking the piss though 😉 Indie: IS IT THO 😂 Indie: boy down to move you in if he coulda Rio: I don't think he down to be livin' in the 24 tho 😏 Indie: bitch you know id change postcode if i can party in his Rio: You'd hate it 😂 Indie: nah all dem rich rudeboys wanna slum it for a nite Indie: hmu lads Rio: been there done that Rio: 'less they upped their game Rio: not worth the plane ticket Indie: waste 💔 Rio: truly Rio: keep rinsing their da's, like Indie: if youd let me babe ✌ Rio: bitch, not you ⛔ Indie: jokes Indie: imma link my gypsy prince Rio: 👍 Rio: how many 👙s do I need Indie: how long he ticking you away from me & these ends for? Rio: only a week Rio: should be in school, like Indie: 😂 Indie: at choir practice or some posho shit like Indie: but forreal like you dont wanna repeat gotta keep the looks fresh and the game 🔥 Rio: 😂 can you imagine Rio: lawd Rio: yeah, fuck it, one for every day and a spare it is 😉 Indie: 👑👑 rep that Indie: you kno that boy gon be carrying more clothes than a store Rio: Well, he ain't dodging those extra baggage charges by putting shit in my case, like Indie: 💔 Indie: honeymoon off fore its on Rio: When I can't quit being a bitch 🤷 Rio: awks Indie: you bad & he loves it Rio: hope so Rio: don't need domestics in the airport forreal Rio: don't kill my vibe boy Indie: 😂 Indie: bitch like he could when youre ✈ maldives Rio: Yeah we both gon' put up and shut up for that view Indie: forreal gon be lush Indie: im vexed but stealth bout it Indie: save you that domestic baby Rio: We gon' brawl when I'm back? Rio: Okay, I'll prepare my best dramatics in my downtime Indie: depends how im vibin Indie: got my own plans for this week Rio: Aside from riding a gypsy or? Indie: thats day 1 gurl Indie: keep w me Indie: drew best not be trying to chill & ruin my empty Indie: brawl him no drama Rio: Do my best Rio: and if you change the locks on him, send us a key, like Indie: innit tho Indie: get to steppin man Indie: your drum be lavish use it Rio: When he ever there man Rio: how they found time to make this baby is impressive if not gross Indie: 😂 Indie: no shade but im shook she could Rio: Literally though Rio: could call her a medical miracle, might not clock the shade over the ego boost Indie: good she aint here cos im creased rn Indie: their life is mad jokes Rio: s'alright, she can take a good laugh at mine if she gotta Indie: please your life is bare hectic 💖👑 Indie: dont trip Rio: Doubt the Cambs med student turned super doc is jelly tho 😜 Indie: what she kno? shes drews piece & he still more about you 😂 Rio: Shut up Indie: ✌ Rio: You crazy Indie: he is Indie: for ya Indie: chatting at me about how you grown good Rio: He really is high Indie: you kno Indie: old man relax 😂 Rio: Nasty Rio: gimme my card and cash and begone Indie: gimme your slice of cake too drew cos you aint eating for two Indie: abs are welcome like Rio: 😂 Rio: sometimes i reckon you are Rio: you and ya tapeworm Indie: big love Indie: even if i am marv Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Indie: keep me knowin & ill give you same back 💖 Rio: 'Course, goes without saying Rio: ✌ out lil one Indie: safe

[koishikomeijiofficial]

im p sure ive developed an underlying fear of groups/communities now

specifically RP groups, but its extended to where im now terrified to join any kind of community

first there was the old vocaloid rp group rejectrp which was great and fine for a long time, but when they decided to switch to dA’s new at the time group format versus a dA account, they told all of us that we had to reapply (bullshit, imo) and that after reapplication we couldnt use our old rp accounts anymore we had to create new ones (DOUBLE bullshit) so i ended up breaking off from there as did many other members

that rp is where i met a lot of people, some friends and some awful people, such as someone who i’ll refer to as P, who would occasionally ‘remind’ me that ‘youre one of my closest friends if it werent for you id have killed myself’ and other such guilt slinging manipulative shit. it got to the point where one time i made a tumblr post asking ppl to tag nsfw and p messaged me on skype whining about how “i guess you’ll have to unfollow me then because i’m not tagging shit” even funnier since i never actually followed them in the first place. when i told them i had enough and blocked them they started texting me, telling me i ‘blew up for no reason’, and when i blocked them everywhere they manipulated a friend into trying to talk to me for them and then cleared half their dA gallery, posting a journal that said “you made me do this you know who you are” so yeah

i think one of the biggest factors in this was a DR rp group. it went fine for a bit but before the main story even started the mods shut down the group, saying something like school would make them too busy and for some reason they didnt account for school??????? yikes. i suggested in the chat that the remaining members should make our own group and we did, mostly a skype group chat and a chatzy room. i made it very clear to everyone that i would not be stalking the chat and if anyone needed me they could ping me by mentioning my name or the name of any of my characters. everyone knew this. everyone agreed to this. they started making google docs/charts for things and i went and added my characters but soon i discovered that they were actively being removed from the docs. i brought this up, saying i felt like they were excluding me, and they had the gall to say “well you’re never here so” and i had to bring up yet again that they AGREED to me saying if they needed me they should ping me because wow, unlike yall, i dont spend literally all day staring at a skype window and replying to every single thing yall say at 5674685798 messages per second! i angrily left the group and a few members attempted to tell me i was wrong, i wasnt being excluded (then what the fuck is going on with someone actively removing my characters from the docs??? the fuck is that????) and the self-proclaimed leader of the new group also mysteriously had nothing to say to me or about the issue at all. fuck those guys. i hope that at least one of them sees this post, reads this, and remembers how shitty they were to me. (not to mention it was honestly uncomfortable that a lot of the members got pretty sexual w each others characters and it was. very uncomfy)

i joined another DR group at some point which also shut down before it even started. i was absolutely livid; i’d already sat thru this shit once and i was angry that the same thing happened, and i wasnt about to let it devolve into the shitstorm that had occurred with the other group. i simply left a last, angry message on my character’s blog and never looked back. (i do follow at least one person from that group tho, they dont post often but their art is Perfect)

i also used to run dA’s first MMD group (using the group format at least, which was new at the time) and boy did it get hectic. every time i got mods to help me they did work for maybe 2 days and then never did anything, one such admin would be rude and horrible to people who broke the rules (which in a repeat offenders case might be needed but she was cursing out ppl who were like 11) and occasionally i’d post a journal saying submissions were down for a weekend for group cleaning, may people tried to submit anyway and i even got one profilic (at the time) animator who bitched and moaned about how “if i cant submit here where am i supposed to go” despite being told that the cleaning only lasted for TWO DAYS and that they could submit after the cleaning was over

and in a certain mmd group’s monthly contest back from when i was a mod there, some racist shit came up SPOKEN BY THE MODS TO THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT UP THE CONCERNS (the contest theme that month was a western theme and one of the ‘inspiration’ pictures was a white-ass chick in stereotypical ‘haha look at me im wearing le indian clothes and a headdress X3′ outfits and people who are actually native brought up this concern, and the other mods basically told them to shut up with one even unironically saying “yeah im like 1/354764586456547458th native so i’m a dutch girl who can do whatever i want”) and when i tried to explain to them why their racist shit wasn’t okay i was told to be silent, so i quit

so yeah i think maybe all my shitty group experiences have made me absolutely terrified of groups in general. maybe that’s why i’m so afraid to join the local lolita community

[crepuxulum]

it’s still the 28th somewhere, which means it’s still timely of me to post the Pale Proposal thread (also located here as a google doc!!) from two whole years ago on this day

[11:06] -- chironsToxophilite [CT] began pestering acidulousConviction [AC] at 23:06 -- [11:06] CT: D »--> May I ask [11:06] CT: D »--> How has your gift been managing so far [11:07] AC: :OO!!!!! [11:07] AC: :33 < amazingly!!! [11:07] AC: :OO < i k33p her hidden tho so no one else touches her! [11:08] CT: D »--> E%cellent [11:08] CT: D »--> Though I should ask the same of you [11:10] AC: :33 < you could!! [11:10] AC: :33 < but it will take me a minute to get ofur the amazing shock im feline rn [11:11] CT: D »--> Why is that [11:11] AC: :OO < beclaws!! [11:11] AC: :OO < you talked to me furst!! [11:11] AC: XOO < i think i might just faint of shock

[11:12] CT: D »--> I am [11:13] CT: D »--> Not in the habit of being social, it is true [11:14] AC: :OO < but you attempted! [11:14] AC: :OO < fur me!! [11:14] CT: D »--> So I did [11:14] AC: XOO < omg i f33l a swoon coming on [11:16] AC: :OO < so much swooning its like a swoonami [11:16] CT: D »--> You are absurdly cheeky [11:17] AC: :33 < you love it tho [11:18] CT: D »--> I am aghast [11:18] CT: D »--> Such accusations [11:19] AC: :33 < terrible i know [11:19] AC: :33 < but i have [11:19] AC: >:33 < evidence!!!!!!! [11:20] CT: D »--> Do you now [11:20] AC: :33 < yes!!! [11:21] AC: :33 < inti will totally help with my purresentation [11:22] AC: :33 < shes really good with evidence [11:22] CT: D »--> Is that what your notes were for [11:22] AC: :33 < that too [11:29] CT: D »--> Who is this Inti [11:29] AC: :33 < the furriend you gave me pawve course! [11:29] AC: :33 < you said i could name her so i did! [11:32] CT: D »--> That I did [11:32] CT: D »--> Is she simply good with evidence or is she the evidence [11:33] AC: :33 < both!!!! [11:36] CT: D »--> Of course [11:37] AC: :33 < as you can s33 she is the picture purrfect evidence/evidence handler [11:38] CT: D »--> I cannot argue against such solid facts [11:40] AC: :33 < i will send you pictures since you cant actually s33 the evidence [11:40] AC: :33 < so here!!!! [11:40] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  sent 3 files! -- [11:44] CT: D »--> I see you've been enjoying yourselves [11:46] AC: :33 < pawlways! [11:46] AC: :33 < supurr ship selfies has legit b33n a thing since she came hive with me [11:48] AC: :33 < which you should totally be apawrt of sometime [11:50] CT: D »--> Oh [11:50] CT: D »--> Is that a formal invitation [11:50] AC: :33 < why yes [11:50] AC: :33 < yes it is [11:52] AC: :33 < unfurtunately when you DO come ofur its gonna have to be on my mini cruiser and not the big battleships im employ33d on [11:52] AC: :33 < claws i dont want the gross peopurrle on either ship to s33 you [11:53] AC: :33 < pawlso i dont have purrmission fur that on one of those so [11:53] AC: :33 < yeah [11:53] CT: D »--> I understand [11:54] CT: D »--> I am flattered to be invited at all [11:54] AC: :33 < well why wouldnt i invite you???? [11:54] AC: :33 < youre amazing and my fafurite company! [11:54] AC: |33 < pawlso one of my best furriends so duh im gonna invite you [11:59] CT: D »--> You are e%ceptionally sweet [11:59] CT: D »--> I would be happy to visit your cruiser [12:00] CT: D »--> I would prefer to speak with you beforehand, if you are so inclined [12:00] AC: :33 < pawve course!! [12:00] AC: :33 < im cool basically whenefur [12:06] CT: D »--> Whenever you are ready then, I will e%pect you [12:06] AC: :33 < if you want to now i can! [12:08] CT: D »--> That will do fine [12:10] AC: X33 < whoo! [12:10] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  pops on over in like .5 seconds in her jammies which is sweat pants and a tank because WHO CARES ABOUT CLOTHES WHEN GOING TO SEE FRIENDS -- [12:14] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  is totally not nervously fidgeting at all!! he shoots her a small, but genuine, smile and resists the urge to tuck back her hair by doing it to his own -- [12:15] CT: D »--> You look comfortable [12:16] AC: :33 < these are my jammies! [12:16] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  hops on over and finds the seat nearest him. probably some kind of table or chair arm -- [12:19] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  that makes him Old Man Chuckle TM, but an end table probably isn't the best place for an unofficial jam -- [12:19] CT: D »--> So they are [12:20] CT: D »--> Though I had thought that furniture intended for seating may prove more useful for this [12:20] AC: :OO < oh [12:20] AC: :33 < well sure [12:21] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  sits up and rolls onto her feet and plops down next to him, feet crossed at the ankles, grinning up at him. -- [12:22] AC: :33 < so whats up? [12:31] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he gave her a not-so-serious Look at her table hopping, but schooled his expression back into neutrality when she settled in. he brushed back his hair before responding -- [12:33] CT: D »--> I am very fond of our visits [12:34] CT: D »--> Of you [12:35] CT: D »--> You have assisted me a great deal, in more ways than one [12:37] AC: :33 < haha i hope so [12:37] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  obviously he's not done but she doesn't want him to feel like its onesided. She IS listening, after all. If it were anyone else she'd probably have tuned them out. Or not have come at all. -- [12:38] AC: :33 < i like coming ofur! [12:38] AC: :33 < and pawve course i like you too~ [12:40] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  He smiles, small and maybe a touch awkward, at her response. He is SO out of practice with this stuff, but he's thankful she responded how she did -- [12:40] CT: D »--> I'm very glad [12:43] CT: D »--> But as much as I value your company, it would be fair to neither you nor myself to deny the feelings I began to harbor for you [12:47] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  her face drops slightly but not so much in a bad way. Just more of a shocked way. This isn't something she's dreading, just not something she was expecting. -- [12:47] AC: :OO < what kind of emotions?? [12:47] AC: [[pretend i wrote felines. just pretend]] [12:48] CT: ((i'll purrtend, even)) [12:48] AC: [[omg dont u start]] [12:49] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he is resisting every urge to reach out to her right now, he desperately hopes she'll reciprocate his feelings but he won't do anything to push her either way -- [12:53] CT: D »--> I realized that I am pale for you [12:53] CT: D »--> Quite smitten, in fact [12:59] AC: :OO < oh [12:59] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  It's gradual but during her slow silence a light lime tinge appears on her face, an embarrassed grin spreading across her face as she rubbed the back of her head. -- [01:00] AC: X33 < heh i thought it was just me [01:00] AC: :33 < im glad its not though [01:05] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he does need to dab at his temples in her silence, but he tries a tentative smile when she responds. he is already terribly fond of her blush and vows to see more of it, if he can -- [01:05] CT: D »--> As am I [01:09] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  she tries really hard not to snort at his tenseness and at least manages to redirect her amusement into a grin. -- [01:09] AC: :33 < so i guess that makes us a thing now huh? [01:09] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  by which she means HELL YEAH ID LOVE TO DATE YOU. Which she articulates by scooting over a tad and letting their knees touch. -- [01:10] CT: D »--> If you are willing, I would be happy to be a "thing" with you [01:11] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he finally gives in and tucks a lock of her hair back, success!!! -- [01:16] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  that starts a purr. This is obviously a thing she has waiting for. She doesn't let him move his hand right away and leans directly into it for more contact. -- [01:16] AC: :33 < id like that a lot actually [01:19] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he will absolutely take that as an invitation for more contact. he leans in to nuzzle the crown of her head while his thumb lighty traces her cheek. they're not action he's not done before, but they seem heavier, more meaningful now -- [01:20] CT: D »--> Good [01:23] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  she takes a moment to relish the less in his unrestricted touch for a bit, reaching up to touch a hand to his arm as well as the hand that's touching her face. She does lean up to press a kiss to his chin before pulling back slightly. -- [01:24] AC: :OO < okay so since were a thing now i do kind of have something to tell you [01:25] CT: D »--> I am here to listen [01:25] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  and totally not blushing at all, noooo -- [01:25] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  wow what a cute. okay deep breaths. -- [01:26] AC: :OO < ok so atten isnt my name furst off [01:27] AC: :OO < im not just a chef im pawlso kind of a pirate and a wanted criminal pawll at once [01:28] AC: :TT < and uh [01:28] AC: :33 < its nepeta [01:32] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he's switched from nuzzling to trademark hairscritches at this point, but he pauses to cradle her face in one hand, the other on her shoulder -- [01:33] CT: D »--> Nepeta is a lovely name [01:33] CT: D »--> Thank you for telling me

(brief intermission, holy crap is this long)

[01:24] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  she's certainly not expecting such a positive response so when it comes she just shoves her face in his hands. -- [01:24] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  she was absolutely positive he would just nope right out. If not because of the whole pirate thing then because of the name thing. -- [01:25] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  more quiet purring though. no ones ever said her name was nice before -- [01:25] AC: X33 < thanks [01:30] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  her bashfulness was totally unexpected, making him grin widely when she ducks her head. he takes advantage of this to continue his scratching, bowing closer to her -- [01:30] CT: D »--> There is only so far you can go in there, you realize [01:32] AC: XOO < theres plenty of room i totally got this [01:33] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  trying very hard not to let her voice squeak as she pulls a baby birb and tries to make a nest in his hand so he cant see her blushing -- [01:33] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  he can probably feel it tho -- [01:36] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  the warmth he can feel through his palms tempts him to tease her more, but instead he tilts his head forward, his hair curtaining around her -- [01:37] CT: D »--> Mine is Dhanus [01:44] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  at the sound of his voice she does at least peek one eye from the palm of his hand. Once he reveals his name though she resurfaces completely only to press their foreheads together with a grin, blush be damned. -- [01:44] AC: X33 < i like it [01:44] AC: "33 < it suits your purrfectly [01:52] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  her blush gives him a strange sense of of gratefulness and pride, that he is able to witness it at all and that he's the one to put it there. he hums at the forehead touch, using the opportunity to give her a quick lil eskimo kiss -- [01:52] CT: D »--> Thank you [01:58] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  at the eskimo kiss she grins, blush brightening slightly, and lets out a little purr-y chirp before tilting up to kiss his nose. -- [01:58] AC: :33 < dhanus [01:58] AC: X33 < i really really like it [01:59] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  and she does. its a good name for a shield or a legendary sword or something. -- [02:04] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he lets out a crinkle-eyed chuckle and thumbs a lock of hair from her face, at this rate he is pretty sure his smile is never coming off -- [02:04] CT: D »--> I am fonder of Nepeta, myself [02:13] AC: X33 < thats beclaws youre biased you nerd [03:54] -- chironsToxophilite [CT] changed their mood to CHUMMY  -- [03:54] -- chironsToxophilite [CT] changed their mood to SLEEK  -- [04:27] AC: X33 < thats beclaws youre biased you nerd [04:27] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  that smile is. . .really amazing, wow. It lights up his whole face and gives her a warm tingley feeling in her gut and it's not unpleasant. Besides it's so much better than the grump he usually tries to pull off. -- [04:31] CT: D »--> I have no clue what could have given you such an idea [04:32] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he puncuates his joke with a very very light noogie, he's so grateful to be able to tease her with all this affection -- [04:42] AC: :33 < gosh i wonder~ [04:43] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  of course she takes the noogie with a giggle and in return gives him a playful headbutt to the chin. nothing jarring just a nudge really. -- [04:52] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  the nudge did catch him by surprise, but he just laughs and nuzzles between her horns, his smile softening at the edges -- [04:53] CT: D »--> I am so thankful to have you here, truly [04:57] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  the nuzzling prompts a hug and return nuzzles and she squeezes him close. Its not like its any different than what they usually did, it just felt different. Because feelings. Which are weird. But not always bad. -- [04:58] AC: X33 < hush you youre making me blush [04:59] AC: :33 < but im glad your ehere too [05:03] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he finally allows himself to return her hug fully, chuckling deep in his chest at her admission -- [05:03] CT: D »--> Don't encourage me to go on [05:09] AC: X33 < dont you dare [05:10] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  the rumbling in his chest makes her nuzzle into him more, grinning as she smushes a cheek against his chest area -- [05:15] CT: D »--> I could wa% poetic about your blush, how endearing its color and warmth is [05:15] CT: D »--> Or your bright smile, or how tempting it is to comb your unruly nest of hair [05:23] AC: X33 < rude its not a nest [05:24] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  anymore. she bops him on the chest with a fist. obviously its not going to hurt him but shes not even trying. -- [05:24] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  he's getting all her cute bits right now, he better appreciate -- [05:26] CT: D »--> If you insist [05:29] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  that's assuming he hasn't been trying to memorize every moment of this visit. he knows there will be many more opportunities for cuteness appreciation in the future but he wants to memorize each and every one -- [05:30] CT: D »--> That does remind me [05:30] CT: D »--> The ne%t time we meet, I might suggest bringing a few blankets or pillows along, if you are so willing [05:31] AC: :33 < sure! [05:31] AC: :?? < what fur tho? [05:32] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  gonna do it anyway but she wants to know why -- [05:32] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  adjusts slightly so she's sitting in his lap and lounging properly -- [05:35] CT: D »--> I have few of my own, and [05:35] CT: D »--> I had thought you might appreciate a proper pile [05:35] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  as fine as he is with complimenting her, he's still the teensiest bit bashful about Official Pale Activities -- [05:39] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  fffffuck this is just. so much. all at once. she hasnt had a proper pile in sweeps. The blush is back again, though lighter, but she grins right through it -- [05:39] AC: :33 < yeah cool! [05:39] AC: :33 < but only if you give me a pillow of yours in exchange [05:39] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  for reasons that totally have nothing to do with her cuddling it when she sleeps -- [05:39] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  totally -- [05:41] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  as silly as it is, he's relieved when she responds, and he grins right back at her -- [05:41] CT: D »--> I believe I can manage that [06:01] AC: :33 < then i can bring some next time [06:02] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  leans against him super casually because casual is the best kind of atmosphere for her -- [06:02] AC: :OO < you know its b33n furefur since ive b33n with somepawdy [06:02] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  still kind of embarrassed about sing the moirail term excuse her -- [06:03] AC: :33 < but this isnt bad [06:03] AC: :33 < it doesnt really f33l like anything has really changed ofur than maybe title wise [06:03] AC: >:33 < and now you can nefur say no to my purresents efurrrrrrr [06:10] CT: D »--> As if I could ever say no in the first place [06:10] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  caaaaasually tucks an arm around her, they just became official and the last thing he wants is to crush a rib or two -- [06:13] CT: D »--> But I can understand the feeling [06:15] CT: D »--> The last thing I would want is to rush you, so tell me to stop if I cross a line [06:20] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  wiggles into his hold and slumps back with a sigh.  -- [06:20] AC: :33 < i will [06:20] AC: :33 < purromise [06:20] AC: |33 < but youre good fur now [06:22] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  luckily she's totally cool with lounging so rib crushing wont be a thing anytime soon -- [08:37] -- acidulousConviction [AC] ceased pestering chironsToxophilite [CT] at 20:37 --