luludeluluramblings

[angryisokay]

[fandomfluffandfuck]

hi S ok you definitely dont have to answer this bc its basically just me venting and its pretty lame haha but im curious if its something you've ever dealt with or if u have advice... basically i have diagnosed ASD and marvel is my special interest and has been since i was a kid and im pretty positive its going to stay my favorite thing for the rest of my life lol. and sometimes i get so sooo sad and kinda lonely thinking about the fact that like .. i know its basically still one of the biggest fandoms out there but like all my favorite fics were posted like 5-10 years ago mostly from authors that arent even in the fandom anymore and theres never gonna be another movie with steve and bucky together that everyone gets excited about and wants to talk about and theres also just so much less of a fun goofy little tight knit community for stucky on tumblr and online like ... idk i just miss so bad when the mcu was at its peak and there was so much content to consume and so many people passionate about it... and i know theres definitely still a huge presence and like im so thankful that youre an author that i love thats still super active and im always glad to visit your page and to see that theres still so many fans out there that care and wanna interact yknow. but tumblrs different now and its been like ten years since peak stucky content and the actors are all doing their own thing now idk it just makes me sad 😩😩 i feel like such a loser saying it i swear i have other interests and an irl life that is very fruitful and lovely hahaha its just makes me a bit frustrated at my autism because i know i wont be able to ever really stop loving these characters even as others move on

Hey, sweets!

I understand what you mean and you're not a loser, not at all. It's fucking great to have an interest in something, anything--what else is life for? You gotta have something to be focused on and interested in that gives you joy, otherwise, what is there? Just blandness. And, yeah, Marvel fandom is still very much active and that's wonderful and great! But, it's also true that it will never be the same as it was in its heyday. Personally, I wasn't around when the stucky fandom was exploding along the release of CA:TWS/the general MCU height, but I certainly see all the old art, edits, cosplay, etc. that's still reblogged and I've read so many of the fics from years prior, so I have a grasp of what was happening. And I can totally see how you'd miss generally, but especially if your fixation has attached deeply to these characters.

I have a sibling on the autism spectrum (who's old enough to have been diagnosed with Aspergers's syndrome before that was phased out but they are, of course, on the spectrum regardless of arbitrary hierarchical labels that I will restrain from ranting about because I fucking hate that shit, don't talk to me about "high functioning" ugh) and they have a few different life-long hyperfixations as well. So, you're not alone, but, it is hard to think of any actual advice per se. I think you're already doing what you need to be doing, y'know? You're here and enjoying what is going on now, connecting to blogs that are active, finding space where you can talk about these characters, you've got other things to do that also capture your attention, and, of course, you know you're sad about what isn't going on anymore. It's okay to be sad. You can't control what you're passionate about in the same way you can't control who you fall in love with. Are these silly little fictional characters not just people we've fallen in love with a little or a lot, no matter if they don't "exist"? I love that for us. Humans are so cute and full of love.

Fandoms and people change and sometimes it fucking sucks when it happens, sometimes it's great. Either way, it's part of the ecosystem of life. Water and nutrients and air and sun--it makes people change, it makes them grow, and you're allowed to be sad about what they used to be, you just have to keep growing, too. Remember what they were and know who they are now.

Hopefully, something in there helped you feel better, even if it was just from telling someone how you feel.

[ramshacklefey]

Friend group red flags exist, and we should talk about them.

This has come up for me recently because one of my house-mates (bless her heart), has been coming to talk to me every couple weeks about some new drama in her online social circles. She's probably been through five different sets of online friends in the last year (and more irl friends before she stopped interacting with people entirely), and she's got this idea in her head that this is all just an inevitability.

I have restrained myself from pointing out to her that it sounds like she just needs to rethink what kinds of people she hangs out around, because I know it won't do any good. But it has made me think a lot about stuff I've figured out through long hard experience, about how to find healthy social groups, and I want to share.

So, here are some things that you might want to think about before you enmesh yourself too deeply in a particular friend group:

Is this group of people totally centered around one person (or much smaller group of people)? Does that person seem to have a ridiculous amount of influence over everyone else in the friend group? While it's true that many social groups have someone who is very much a leader within the group, that shouldn't look like one person wielding power over everyone else. A healthy leader figure within friends is someone who others respect for their good qualities. They give advice rather than issuing edicts. They sow harmony between people rather than stoking conflicts.

Do the people in this group talk incessantly about problems within the group? Sure, they may just be going through a rough patch, but even if that's the case, a healthy social circle will be thinking and talking about other things. If two people in a group are fighting or breaking up, the rest of the group won't be taking sides or constantly gossiping about it like it's the biggest political drama of the century. They'll leave it to those two people to sort their shit out, and won't unload it in front of someone new to the group.

Does there seem to be a list of people that this group has previously kicked out? Sometimes it just comes down to it and someone has to be gently exiled from a particular social circle. But if there's a list a mile long, it suggests that this group has some kind of overly authoritarian unwritten code for who's "allowed" to be in their group. Getting involved in a group like that means you'll constantly be walking on eggshells to avoid being exiled yourself.

How do they treat new people? A healthy group will be curious and friendly toward newcomers, but they won't immediately draw you into their deepest confidence.

Do the people in the group in general seem happy and content with themselves? Strong, healthy social bonds between people will make us stronger and happier. Even a group of people with significant trauma backgrounds can be stronger together. Unfortunately, if people have not healed themselves and continue to rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms, they often form groups of dysfunctional, unhappy people. Joking about trauma and difficulty are part and parcel of a lot of younger people's lives these days, but take a moment to look at what behaviors this group actually encourages. An obvious example might be that they all handle their stress by binge drinking. A less obvious one might be that they are hostile towards the idea that they have any agency in their lives and could, in fact, take actions to make themselves happier.

How do they respond to people with different views and values than their own? A healthy group accepts and values the fact that not everyone is going to agree with them morally, politically, or philosophically. As long as no one is being deliberately nasty or bigoted, and everyone is genuinely trying to treat each other with dignity and respect, people aren't being ostracized or hated on for not sticking to a particular dogma. People aren't being dunked on or told off for having different views on an issue.

How do they handle conflict? People don't always get along, and it's actually fine for a group to have some people who straight up dislike each other. A healthy group can absorb those things, and the people who don't get along will act civilly towards each other. Being civil and friendly towards someone you personally dislike is not "being fake." It's acting like a normal, healthy adult.

Do they try to tell you who you should and should not be interacting with outside the group? Someone you barely know sidling up to you to inform you that so-and-so has done or said such-and-such so you shouldn't ever interact with them is a big warning sign. Even if someone was cut off from the group for genuinely bad behavior, it's not their job to police who else is allowed to interact with that person.

Do they try to tell you what you should and should not be saying on social media? Do they try to tell you what you should and should not be reading/watching etc? Related to how they deal with people with different viewpoints, however this hits a deeper level. You always have the right to enjoy things and talk about things, even if your friends don't. Similarly, you have no obligation to join in a particular topic on social media!

Who isn't in the group, and how do they talk about or treat those people? This is easy to see if they're, say, openly racist or homophobic, but also. If it's a group of mostly women, are they constantly hating on men? If it's a group of mostly queer people, are they openly hostile towards anyone who isn't queer, or isn't queer in the right way?

A health social group has lots of different people in it. Those people have varying views and backgrounds. They treat each other with love and respect, and the group is resilient when there's conflict rather than dissolving into warring factions.

I know it's hard, especially when you're young and marginalized. You might feel like if you don't hang out with these people, you won't have any friends at all. But I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you're better off alone than stuck in a group that's actively making your life worse.

[pompurumi]

What's your opinion on proshipping?

uuuuhhh idk really. So i'm gonna ramble for a second!

I'm aware of what proshipping actually means, something like ship and let other people ship, but things like tiktok and twt has kind of skewed my view on what proshippers are — which are weird noncon loving weirdos who like brothers kissing — but ik the rational side of my brain is telling me that what I just said is a fat generalisation. ofc some proshippers are like that, but ik most proshippers aren't and just dont care what other people do in fiction.

i do kiiiinnndddaaa believe that what you like in fiction does reflect your person in some way, since it does with me. for example, I consider myself to be very gentle and a hopeless romantic, and I project that onto the media I consume and create. but I have also written about some very harsh and dark topics in the past, just never in a way that glorifies or sexualises them.

I do believe that fiction does affect reality in certain scenarios... but I also know that some things are purely fantasy and it's fun to let go of morals and be gross and freaky (in a FICTIONAL SPACE!!!). but I don't think you're free from judgement from other people purely because what you do is fictional. If I found out that someone i followed on social media/or knew irl had a thing for noncon then I don't think I'd be able to look at them the same.

I wouldn't consider myself an anti (anymore) bcs they've grown a bit of a harsh name for themselves, but I certainly wouldn't consider myself a proshipper mostly because they have ALSO grown a harsh name for themselves and I've had very rough and weird experiences with them. I feel very strongly for fictional characters and their experiences, even if its a random oc that I see on my dash, and that in turn means that i cant really view fictional characters as little puppets in which we use to tell stories or project onto. idk whether it's because my imagination is vivid or something to do with autism, but it's hard for me to move on with my day after reading something abt my fav character being attracted to a child (even if it is technically canon... salad fingers...)

there have been times where I come across a darkfic, skim through it due to morbid fascination, and just regret it to the point that I feel myself physically restrain the need to type out my strong opinion furiously in the comments. but I know that no one forced me at gunpoint to read it and it was all my doing. I believe heavily in curating your own online experience, but have a hard time following that advice myself lololol.

and I think that's the problem with antis. they don't curate their online spaces enough and end up looking at the things that make them feel mad and weird. that was definitely my issue not too long ago and it just made my mental health terrible and life all dull and sad. but now that I've kinda realised that searching for the content that makes you upset and doomscrolling through it to the point it makes you seethe, and then venting about it isn't doing anyone good, I've instead channelled all that energy into finding people who share the same views as me and like what i like !!!! trust me, that is SOOO much more better.

but at the end of the day, I dont think I'll ever feel neutral about proshippers. If i see any terms like "proshipper" or "comshipper" or "anti-anti" I would feel that little ick in me, a hint of disgust... but I'll do my best to move on with my day !! people have the right to feel disgusted, grossed out, even sad about what proshippers do, they have the right to think of them as weird and strange because of proshippers liking what they like, and proshippers should expect that not everyone will feel how they feel. Especially since people who aren't in fandom spaces are sure to side eye you if they find out you post about twincest or dad x daughter relatiobships. but they do not have the right to go out of their way to bully and harass proshippers who are in their own little bubble with their own little audience, posting what they like. ofc you can vent about the things you don't like to people and on your socials, as long as you're not actively searching for it.

I have no idea if this sounds hypocritical or weird, I've read over it a few dozen times and I think I sound decently coherent. idk maybe someone wants to fill me in on some things, but I stand by my opinion.

[rainbowsky]

so today my mom was over at my place and my desktop background is a picture of xiao zhan from his winter solstice shoot, and when she saw it she asked who the hottie was and i had to restrain myself bc it was not the time place or the right person to info dump to! luckily or maybe unfortunately as an autistic person "conceal don't reveal" is a thing at which i excel alkjhslkdjf

but that got me wondering if i could perhaps ask for your perspective and experience with this, since i know you are also autistic. i find it very difficult to determine how much of my hyperfixations and special interests are safe to reveal to others and i've had some not so great reactions before so now i tend to keep up the mask and hold it all in, even with people close to me. as a result i know i probably come across as a very boring and negative person who is never interested in anything. i don't think i'm like that, but honestly i'm not sure anymore. i've pretended for so long i don't really know who i am.

do you share a lot with the people around you about your special interests? how do you know when where and to whom it's safe? does it all come down to surrounding yourself with good and understanding people that you're comfortable around and that accept you completely? writing it out now it looks so simple, like yes of course that's what i'm supposed to do! but how?? i don't know how to read people and on the occasions i have decided to trust someone and it turned out to be a huge mistake it feels really bad to be proven wrong, and being wrong lowers the chances that i'll open up again.

i can't help but fear that i will never be able to truly be myself around other people. in online spaces it's possible to stay anonymous and it's easy to just block and ignore the assholes, but it seems much harder irl. do you perhaps have any tips? since we have some of the same interests and your blog exudes a calm and accepting energy i feel like you would be a good person to ask. i hope it doesn't put you out.

thanks so much and take care! 💜

Hi Anon! 💖

It's not your job to protect people from your personality. I'm sad whenever I see this being taught to people, it's so wrong.

There is an affirmation that's been making the rounds for years that is so true: "You deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable."

A lot of neurodivergent people seem to carry the baggage of neurotypical people's disdain toward, impatience with and disrespect for the differences of others, and to that I say: BS. Their bigotry, ignorance and entitlement are not your problem.

A lot of the standards and expectations around how people 'should' be are a product of dominance culture (aka white supremacy culture). The belief that there is 'one right way' to be - and that the only way to be worthy and acceptable in society is to conform to that 'one right way' - is a core feature of dominance culture. That culture is one of the most destructive forces on the planet, and I urge everyone to root it out and dismantle it wherever they find it.

In fact there are many wonderful ways to be and live, and in a conformist world our choice to love ourselves, be ourselves and pursue self-actualization is a revolutionary act.

Of course we can and should work with others to build bridges across our differences and find ways to ensure that both people's needs get met in our relationships. But it's important that it is a two-way street, and not just a situation where we're doing all the adapting and accommodating and they're reaping all the benefits of being catered to*.

When that happens we end up having our value and self-esteem undermined while theirs is boosted, validated and affirmed. That only exacerbates the power imbalances and further erodes the relationship and our ability to build healthy, trusting connections.

*Contrary to popular belief, neurodivergent people spend their lives and a great deal of energy accommodating neurotypical people - not the other way around. The fairly recent, mostly tokenistic attempts to make spaces and cultures more 'ND-friendly' can't even hold a faint candle to the insane pretzels ND people have had to twist ourselves into for decades trying to 'fit in' and be accepted into a world which still caters almost exclusively to able-bodied, white, straight, cisgender, affluent, educated, neurotypical people.

So, to answer your question - be yourself, and in this way you will find your people.

Authenticity is the only way to build authentic relationships and connections.

If there are people in our lives who don't understand us and who treat our interests and our personalities as 'a problem', that's a problem that both sides need to address. We need to self-examine and make sure we are making space for the other person to express themselves, but they also need to do the same for us.

Balance is found by working together toward a common goal - a genuine connection between two people. Make sure that you both share that goal. Communicate your needs and ask them to share what their needs are as well.

Our needs matter.

Don't let them go unnoticed, unacknowledged and unmet. Not by you or anyone else.

We're all in fandom, we're all familiar with the concept of 'the confession'. This is actually an important concept in all relationships, not just romantic ones. Because in ALL relationships, being yourself is the ultimate act of love.

Just like a love confession, it requires vulnerability, trust and a desire to connect. When we reach out to someone to share some part of who we are inside, we are initiating a connection with that person and giving them the gift of our authentic self.

If they are unable or unwilling to accept that and meet us where we are, then they are probably not the right person for us to connect with, or else they aren't yet ready to connect.

That can be painful and can feel like a form of rejection, but I try to take those things as useful information, and treat my personality as a friend filter. Those who are put off by me aren't the right people for me to try to be close to. I want to surround myself with people who are able to be real with me and accept me and celebrate me for who I am (and vice versa).

Special interests are a big part of that, because they become so central in our lives. If we have people close to us who can't make space for us and our special interests in some way, then we will end up feeling lonely and invisible. That becomes even worse when we are shamed and ridiculed for our interests.

I go back to what I said before - our needs matter. If we work toward having truly reciprocal, equitable relationships where both people's needs are being met, we will be happier overall.

Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is a great place to start on that project.

Trust is hard. I am naive and trusting to a fault, and I have to lean heavily at times on others who have my best interests in mind, or else I end up being bullied or taken advantage of.

If you're struggling with that, I urge you to find someone you can truly trust (preferably multiple people) - such as a close friend or family member who has proved to truly have your best interests at heart, or if you can't find that, a therapist who understands your needs and vulnerabilities and can be a support and a sounding board - and get their help and advice in situations you're uncertain about.

If you can't find a therapist and you have no close people you trust, there are many online communities and groups where you can find like-minded people to bounce these things off of.

Most importantly, always remember that everything we say, do and think can only ever be a reflection of ourselves, our values, and what's in our hearts and minds. It can never be about anyone else.

If people treat you badly it's not because you're bad, it's because they are.

(or rather, because they're unexamined, unevolved, mean-spirited, in a dark place, self-focused to a fault, etc. etc. but that doesn't make as memorable a sound bite)

Don't let unexamined, unevolved, mean-spirited people, etc., etc. teach you to think or feel badly about yourself. Understand that hurtful criticism is about the other person and their expectations, values and attitudes, not about you.

Exercise healthy boundaries. Understand where the other person ends and where you begin, and refuse to take on things that aren't part of who you are. Ask yourself, "Do I truly agree with what this person is saying?"

Is what the other person claims true, fair, honest, and said in the spirit of compassion and connection, or was it said in a judgmental, self-absorbed (focusing on their needs at the exclusion of your own), punitive way? Are they trying to connect with you or are they trying to control or change you?

We can often have a tendency to hear criticism - particularly from those who we look up to or want to have a connection with - as truth being served to us by someone who sees something in us, when in most cases other people's criticism truly has nothing to do with us. It's about the other person and what they want.

This tendency to gobble up negative messages from others ties in with the nearly universal experience of imposter feelings - the idea that deep down inside we are unworthy, a fraud and an imposter, and it's only a matter of time before others will find us out and condemn us. This is another feature of dominance culture.

People are much more attuned to negative messages than to positive ones because of the deep, secret fear that we are bad. Which is so tragic, because the people who know us best and have our best interests in mind are the loving voices we tend to dismiss, while the mean-spirited messages from hurtful people are taken to heart.

But as I said before, their criticism has less to do with us and much, much more to do with who they are and what they want.

And what they want might not be right for us, so we should be cautious and considered in how we handle it. We need to unpack and examine it, and only take in what feels fair and helpful and can enrich our lives and lead to growth.

I know I say this a lot, but we should never let anyone else tell us who we are. We are the only experts on ourselves. If we are self-examined, honest and personally accountable, and if we are doing our best and acting in good faith, that is all anyone can ask of us.

So as I see it, you are dealing with two separate issues:

The internalized belief that you are 'too much' for neurotypical people to want to be around.

Issues around trust in relationships.

Recognizing these as two separate issues and reflecting on them as such might help a lot.

The first is an issue of self-acceptance. Only by looking at yourself as worthy and valuable and interesting can you go out into the world and take your place in relationships as an equal who has something appropriate to contribute rather than approaching it as though you are a burden.

Only by championing your own needs, traits and beautiful qualities as every bit as valid and important as the needs, traits and qualities of those around you will you find a balance and build relationships where you are appreciated and valued.

The second issue is something that takes time, but building trust means taking risks - there's no way around it.

Don't take other people's disappointing behavior personally. When we test the waters to see if someone is worthy of our trust and they show us they aren't - that's useful information about our incompatibilities with that person. It doesn't say anything about our selves, or about our worth as humans. All it tells us is that we are going to have to look elsewhere to find the right connection.

Long-winded and meandery, but I have a lot of thoughts on these topics because they're issues I've grappled with a lot in my life. I hope any of it is helpful, Anon. And I hope you find ways to be comfortable sharing more of yourself with others who can accept you and celebrate you for who you are.

I talked in more detail about conformity, acceptance and dealing with people who ridicule our interests/fandom here.

I talked more about dealing with issues around autism here.

EDIT: A couple of follow-up posts

About the limitations and barriers some people face with building in-person connections

Further tips and reading on self-esteem

[dreamingticklee]

Hello! 😊

😅 How do you handle session nervousness?

🙈 What teases fluster you the most?

👈 Lees: Hands or tools?

🤷 Anywhere you’re not sure if you’re ticklish yet?

🫂 Aftercare of choice?

😈 Got any evil fantasies?

😉 How did you discover you were into tickling?

😅: communication and connection! if im nervous, i'll say so and it has been so wonderful that those ive been tickled by have been good friends that i had gotten to know and feel comfy with that know what i need in those moments if im having any anxieties about anything

🙈: welp agsjshsjs so many things 😶‍🌫️ stuff like calling me cute and fun to tickle, saying how you're gonna get me, commenting on my reactions, "what's so funny huh?", saying how you know i love it (and that you do too!), reminding me that i cant move or hide, saying that im all yours to tickle, praising me and using petnames, basically any teasing cause im easy to crumble and love it all lol

👈: im cheating and saying both! i do love hands the most and are my default fave as it feels more personal and intimate, but i do also love wreckage by tools and some particular ones get me really baddd 🙈

🤷: so i have been thoroughly tested and guess idk if i have a spot where i don't know if im ticklish yet, but i dont seem to be the most ticklish in my bellybutton specifically (am around it) but i really wish i was or maybe there is a secret way that hasn't been discovered yet? i guess i'll say i hadn't known my scalp was that insanely ticklish until one of those wire head massagers was repetitively used there while i was pinned and restrained and i screamed 😶

🫂: all the cuddles 🥺 and head kissies 🥺 and back rubs 🥺 and chatting about how things were and being reassured that im a fun lil lee and did a good job 🥺

😈: .....being restrained/pinned and gang tickled while being teased outta my everloving mind plsplspls 😳

😉: as far back as i can remember it was always something i was very fixated on while growing up- always wishing i would be tickled and doing the whole thing of staring at the word tickle in the dictionary or in other books and later looking up tickling online and silently freaking out if tickling took place in a tv show or movie. it's just always been a part of me! and it's been so wonderful and freeing in the past couple years having made some good friends that started here on tumblr along with telling several of my irl friends (and them being so sweet and supportive and even playfully tickling me a bit themselves since they know how happy it makes me) and it has all really unfolded into this fun thing i now get to indulge in with people i love 🥰

thanks for askin!

[kaleidosouls]

hi. (pulls out uke)

IM JOKING but i havent posted here in forever huh, are ppl still around? i guess ill comment on like, whats been going in in the time i havent posted

so a long time ago now i wanted to like, cut off from twitter, so i deleted the kaleidosouls twitter, and wanted to keep my art stuff just on insta mostly, trying to move since twitter is a sinking ship right. then my instagram got deleted for no reason (and so did my pinterest that was ful of refs and honestly that was more upseting than insta getting deletedand losing all my art following)

ive been mildly caught up in IRL/college stuff in the meantime,having da depression, and the exec dysfunction same as awlays like. not much has actually been happening but ive been going acutally all over the place trying to figure out what im gonna do with my internet social media stuff. im looking into internships (other field) and im like, i havent given up being an artist professionally exactly but i think im like fuck it. fuck this like, building my Internet career or whatever. like, im gona wokr on my art portfolio and try to find art job stuf thats not really about how popular my art is on twitter or smth. none of that shit rly matters anymoer. same w here, i probably wouldve delted this tumblr if it wasnt the main like, blog so all my other blogs dpened on this one right.

im not like, done posting art online but ive been changing how im going about it and i still havent found my like, place yet. i did remake instagram, a main one and one for creature/pokemon stuff. idk im figuring out my life but i guess the main point is that its all a mess, and its not a disaster like things are going bad or anythin just that ive been in this inertia of disorder for a long time. im getting old. really tired lately, barely draw that much

i still rly love and am holding onto my personal ideas/projects that i want to execute oveer time altho they cant be a priority rn becuase of stuff in life. i got a really bad attention span so ill probably like, work on smth a lot for a few ays and then pick it up again in a year or more. the SU stuff is one of those. i actually ammaking this post bc i got really fucking dickhead comments and i was thinking of going off but my social media paranoia PR brain is like weighting on how i cant do that bc itll make my brand look bad and immature, and its like exhausting to live like that yk. altho it Is wise to restrain myself from being mean dsgkj but i also think itd be funny to cuss ppl off so :( life is very hard as an adult!

anyway point is. thigns are a mess rn and they will continue to be for the time being. my accoutns got obliterated so if you wanna keep up with me maybe follow my instagram if you want, i keep forgetting tumblr exists so tahst why i post so little on here. i do like postingt here though, nad i like making little blogs. i like ppls tags on ym art and replies. even the pricky ones like, i get to engage my brain a litlte bit adn its like ppl are out there yk? seieng my stuff, rather than just like, a bunch of numbers of how many likes or reblogs smth has.

most of the stuff left on this blog is for SU reclaimed and i still rly like the idea and its good coping for me and i want to pick it up sometimes but idk what to do with it wrt how i wanna present the content. ive considerd many times making a separate tumblr for it and i am considering that Again but maybe i should just quit it and post it here and forget about that. and find a different way to present the totality of the contents of the AU and use this tumblr as a way to just post it like, a 'devblog' (i am not developing SHIT this is just conceptual design writing stuff)

if theres anyone still following thats like engaged/interested in SU reclaimed feel free to comment with your thoughts or suggestions,i guess i could make an instagram for it? but ehh... idt thats how i wanna like, execute it. welp. i guess if i do make smth ill post about it here,i guess the point is that maybe i can try to post on here moreoften, idk, like i want my instagrams to be more tidy and like, impersonal. i deleted twitter bc i dont want to engage that personalyl at ALL anymore as an artist w viewers. not to mention it sinking. but i guess tumblr Is the perfect place to keep that unprofessional, slightly casual blogging artist experience. maybe if i get to cuss ppl out :D but then i dont wanna get harassed later over it. hm.. sucks to exist online tbh

thank u if youve read this far. if youre a mutual (somehow) or a long time follower and wanna know how to better keep up w me since i know im disappearing a lot feel free to dm

[sealers100]

Hello All

First, I want to issue a massive trigger warning for this entire post for domestic violence, stalking. 

This post is a life update for all my mutuals on tumblr and followers on ao3. 

So very few of you probably know me irl and I’ve been debating talking about this online since the official sentencing is not for another week or so but I've had a few people reach out to check on me since I haven’t been posting updates to fanfics and I have been mostly MIA from tumblr. This is the only social media site I’ll be discussing this issue since it’s also the most private form of media I have. 

For the last year and a half, I’ve been in a domestic violence situation and have had a stalker who has followed me across the country. This has forced be to be both hospitalized and placed in a domestic violence shelter for my safety. I’ve had a restraining order now since last February and it didn’t make it six months before it was broken. I also live four hours away from home on campus at my college and have been more or less on my own for this save for my roommates who have been no less than amazing in helping me deal with this. Currently I am staying at home with my parents for Christmas and I go back to school for my last semester in a few days. I’m safe and my stalker is currently in jail. 

Emotionally however, I have felt like shit, rightly so. This situation has wreaked havoc on my education and displaced me no less than 3 times in the last year. I was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown in May of last year the week of final exams and later diagnosed with MDD and PTSD. Thankfully my school and professors have been great with providing accommodations, and campus security is very involved with providing resources and keeping extra security around my building at night. It’s still difficult for me to get a full nights sleep and I’ve been sleeping mostly in the daytime when I feel safest and forcing myself into my school work. Luckily I am still graduating in the spring of this year and my plans after college are to take a break before moving out of state for a federal park ranger job. Despite this past year and a half being absolute hell for me, I’ve been in intensive therapy and on medication that has done wonders for me. I have all the proper resources if I need help and I haven’t had to pay for any legal assistance or my hospitalization.  

Now on to the tumblr side of things. I used to be very active on here but as my interest have changed and I’ve gotten older, I don’t post or interact as much. I do still lurk around when I have the chance but I mostly post now when I write fanfiction or have long posts like this. Oddly enough it was being in the hospital that finally got me into Harry Potter, since it was the only thing we had to read. I would like to be more active in the future but its still difficult to find the time with school and having the emotional availability I used to have. 

As for my fanfiction, I do hope to continue updating Safest Place in the Wizarding World because as you’ve probably noticed now, its my outlet for my trauma. A lot of the themes in the story are about things I’ve personally experienced and its not always easy to add to it because of that. I understand a lot of you love the story and that makes me so happy but I do feel my readers have the right to know what they’re reading and were it comes from. 

Finally I wanna say thank you to all the people who have reached out to me to check on me. I will hopefully be able to post a full story about my situation once the sentencing is reached and I no longer have to live my life in constant fear. This year I’ll finally get to begin my full healing process and I hope it involves a lot more posts and fanfictions. I love you guys and I hope you have a great 2023! <3 

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

Okay, so I said I had a post related to some comments I received recently on this post, and here it is. Buckle up. (Screenshot of their comments at the bottom)

To start, I’m not going to reveal this person’s name, because I was told that they have committed some previous crimes in real life (related to stalking celebrities, restraining orders, cyberstalking and harassment, etc), as well as being homophobic (along with a bunch of other -phobics) and I don’t want them to come after me in any way that’s unwarranted. I also don’t want to give them an audience of like-minded (antisemitic) people. Apparently this person really, really, really likes obsessively loves one of the actors mentioned in the post and this was their reaction to me saying she is guilty of Jew-face both on Broadway and TV, and shouldn’t play Jewish roles.

These comments were left on my post about how Jewish roles are normally always played by non-Jewish actors, and how that’s a modern and socially “acceptable” form of antisemitism and Jew-erasure. The post with the Patti LuPone pictures.

My response:

First off, you should never tell any Jewish person that they “have problems” when fighting back against antisemitism, Jew-hate, Jew-erasure. Just like, never do that. “That you don’t have any problems apparently.” Jews face discrimination, antisemitism, violence, etc every single day. I personally have experienced antisemitic attacks both irl and online so many times that it’s just something I had to get used to. Isn’t that crazy? I have no problems apparently. Apparently by house wasn’t targeted and carved with a cross. Apparently it wasn’t nearly burnt down. Apparently I haven’t had coins thrown at me. Apparently I’ve never been spit on or punched in the face by strangers. Yup, no problems here.

Moving on. Yes, there are many successful Jewish actors working, no debate there. I could add on a few more. But that doesn’t change that non-Jews cannot play a Jewish role. That’s the same as saying “There are numerous Hispanic actors in the world! Who cares if we cast some 100% polish actor as a Mexican character once in a while!” That’s literally not a valid argument at all. You can’t just decide when a minority ethnicity gets to be represented or not. Who gets to be whitewashed or not.

The big deal is that Jewish people are an ethnic and religious minority. We’ve been slaughtered for literally centuries and beyond. There’s like 2 of us. And I repeat, an ethnic minority. You cannot play an ethnicity you don’t belong to. You cannot play a Jewish character anymore than a white girl from Kansas can play a Black girl from Nigeria. You can play stereotypes of said ethnicities, or races, or backgrounds, but that’s playing into a stereotype which always ends up more racist and discriminatory than anything else. You cannot play Jewish if you’re not. You can play the Judaism, you can play harmful tropes like “banker” or “lawyer” or talk in Yiddish, but you can’t be a Jewish character if you’re not Jewish. You can be a stereotype, which is just harmful. ***note: as always any statement I make about “ethnic” Jews includes converts, as they are seen as joining the tribe and thereby become ethnically Jewish as well, since their kids would also be ethnically Jewish.***

Jews play non-Jews? Hell yeah we do. Playing a nun in the Sound of Music was really fun when I was a kid at summer camp. Here’s the difference, Christians aren’t a minority. They aren’t globally and historically oppressed to the same degree as other minorities. I’m pretty sure this is what the poster means by Jews playing non-Jewish roles. But, take a look at the four million Hallmark Christmas movies a year and tell me how many of those actors are Jewish. Jews so very rarely (if ever) play any role that is explicitly written as non-Jewish, like a priest, or a religious person, or even just a woman who wears a cross but isn’t religious at all. But a lot of non-Jews play roles that are written explicitly as Jewish. Jewish does not mean religious, this is something I think many people don’t understand. I am Jewish, I am not religious. Many Jews aren’t religious, but I’m super Jewish. Jewish characters may not be religious at all, but they’re still Jewish and still need to be played by someone of that group.

Christians have no need to complain. Because 1. Everything I said before, 2. You don’t face majority discrimination, 3. You’re a religion, not an ethnicity.

You can play a religion. You can’t play an ethnicity. You can play stereotypes. You can’t play an ethnicity or a race.

Finding the best actor for a minority role… Call me crazy, but when looking for the best actor to play a minority, one would think the best actor would be a member of said minority.

“We’re trying to cast this Michelle Obama biopic. We have these three great actors, we need to find the best one!”

“Who have we got?”

“1. Demi Lovato 2. Reese Witherspoon 3. Angela Bassett.”

“Huh, well, Reese had the best audition, her pant suit was spot on. Angela was amazing, but the best actor for the job is Reese!”

Do you see how that doesn’t work? Maybe all the actors were great, they had amazing auditions, but sometimes you have to look at who the character is! Casting a white woman as Michelle Obama is legitimately insane. It’s just insane. When a character is explicitly written as a minority, you have to take that into account. The best actor for the job is someone of that minority. There are sooooooo many talented Jewish actors out there, saying that they’d cast someone simply because “they’re a Jew but therefore can’t act or doesn’t fit the role” is crazy. Obviously don’t hire someone who can’t act, but if you’re in that room auditioning, you can act. You wouldn’t be there if you couldn’t. And like… Jews can act. It’s not a one or the other, “Jewish” or “talented” there’s literally the overlap of “Jewish and talented” that I feel like is really being overlooked here. I feel crazy for having to explain that. Sounds crazy, right?

“Travel back to the 30’s, or 40’s where it was really an issue!” This poster just told me to go die in the Holocaust. I don’t have to explain why that’s bad, right? We’re all in agreement on this one, right? Don’t do this. This is a thing that’s like… very very very bad. But just in case their antisemitism wasn’t showing enough earlier, here it is all laid out nice and clear.

Moral of the post: If a Jew says something is antisemitic, believe them. We know more than you about this, because we live it every day. Jews and other minorities can play whatever Christian role they want because they are not a global or American minority ethnicity and religion. PLUS, you can play a religion, but you cannot play an ethnicity. (Should I make a post detailing more about “playing” religion and stereotypes? Let me know). Plus, again, very very very few roles are ever explicitly Christian, most roles are open for whatever ethnicity works best, but some roles are explicit in their ethnicity/race/background and that needs to be looked at when finding the “best” actor. Some successful Jewish actors does not mean you can erase Jews from other places. Just like how having many successful Black, or Asian, or Hispanic, or Indigenous actors does not mean you can just decide there’s been enough and you want a random person who’s not of said group to play a role belonging to said group.

Did I cover everything? As always, leave questions below and I’ll answer what I can. DMs are always open (if I don’t see the message, it’s because I get a lot of hate stuff and only check when I feel mentally and emotionally strong enough, but I do check it once in a while).

[chocykittea]

o c t o b e r : } - ♡

so i finally have the computer of my dreams (craptop days are over!!) but it's always been a struggle for me balancing working and my online friends. i feel a lot of guilt whenever i cant be around much even though my friends are understanding it just sucks sometimes gahh ;x; I had so many unexpected life events this year that 2024 has flown by and I'm hoping for a less chaotic rest of my year (o_-) someone who caused some damage to a lot of people from a community I was apart of reached out to me a couple months ago, ig to formerly apologize and take accountability for the part they played in our years-on-end drama. at first I was pretty cautious since I've had people reach out before and they ended up having different intentions -but they seem very genuine and kind now!! their entire demeanor changed so much it's so refreshing and actually really fun talking to them about how our lives have been and catching up. i'm really proud and happy we finally got our reconciliation and happy ending. they've said i feel like a pen pal because of how long it takes me to respond which I found pretty wholesome hahah. even though I keep my friend group a lot smaller than before it's easier for me that way and I love and trust my friends sm!! I think during the pandemic I was trying too hard to please too many people and burnt out of socialization for such a long time. I never wanna feel that way again

hopefully to close a chapter, I relayed a message to the man that groomed me as well as my 10+ year stalker (since being a pedo isn't worth calling someone out for apparently lmaoo) and included an album with years of proof. honestly I found so much more after I made it but it's more than enough to prove my point and all the lies they keep trying to tell people. my friend finally blocked him which has been something I never wanted to ask anyone to do, but it made me feel more comfortable interacting with her again. I've had mutuals with him on/off throughout the years and attempted to let him back around my friends years ago which I regret. I've had so many girls from league servers reach out about him basically doxing me and it's gotten to the point where I sadly have had to look into a restraining order or some sort of "official" way of seperating, because I never took legal action when I was a minor. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self I was not mature for my age and that grown men trying to speak to me did not have good intentions. it's rly sad because I've given them every chance to reconcile, prove the truth and squash things to move on but they actively choose not to and continue to instigate and lie to people. I'm done being a doormat atp and will probably post something and pin it somewhere so when they inevitably send more people my social media they can see the truth too. you would not catch me dead alligning with an abuser especially from someone who also claims to be a victim of some. I wish I could go back to early 2023 when neither of them were even on my radar but they probably won't ever stop this werid ass witch hunt until it's exposed. I hope they can find happiness and peace in their lives because truly happy and fufilled people do not care to check up so obsessively on people from the past or talk about it like that... im at least v happy to have a large support system online and irl that understands or has seen what i've been through on a happier note, i'm hoping to career swap since i've accomplished about as much as i can at my current workplace.. i'm really proud n happy with myself for studying hard and being the person i needed when I was younger. I go through hoops keping my work life as private as possible and sharing very little with online friends but it'd be nice to brag sometimes. (✿◠‿◠) there is no better feeling than having someone ask "what do you do" and having an impressive answer and resume aaaaa I just wanna do the best for my family and be an amazing provider so that makes me really happy!! I've grown so much since 2020 and never thought I would be here today. I love learning and studying now which I never thought I'd say. I'm also really proud of my family for trying to do the same for themselves since growing up in poverty wasn't very swagg and I'd like to break the cycle. it's been really nice seeing my family become home owners, go to college and learn life skills I never thought they would. we all have a great relationship now compared to when we were growing up which is really nice. they love my little family too!! i love visiting and playing games with them online. I stream it sometimes too but obviously keep my vods private due to reasons like above. basically this whole month has been me forcing everyone to watch trash reality tv with me, prepping for lots of work stuff, seeing doctors and spending money. : D and to end this lil note im finally done seeing my surgeon since im all healed!! yippe!!

[lewdladylily]

Kink Alphabet:

B,F,G,P,X

(Note: Answered with my shame trigger on, stripped naked, and gagged with my panties)

B = Brat - I like the full range of completely obedient slaves to bratty disobedient princesses. In person brattiness is much easier to do because you can always physically restrain them. I have no problem using my size to pin down an unruly sub and spank them until they are crying for mercy and promising to be obedient. Assuming communication is clear and everyone knows what the lines are that makes this fun for everyone involved, all types of brattiness or lack of it can be fun.

long distance it is a bit harder because ultimately everything you do depends on the sub's obedience to orders, but I have found hypnosis can help with this. Which kind of plays into how I behave as a submissive, which has always been on the very obedient side, even in person. But as I've become more comfortable with my dynamic with Raven I feel comfortable stretching a bit, so to speak, into mild bratty behavior. And with hypnosis stuff she can easily exert enough control over me to put me back in line, so it works well.

F = Fucking Machines - I have not, but I absolutely would provided it was at the order of my owner or another dominant, preferably in bondage. The concept of a fucking machine sounds mildly fun for the sake of it, but probably not worth the effort. I'd rather just use my vibrator. But if it is being done to me then it takes on an entirely different feel of being part of submission. I like being fucked by someone, very rarely do I care for penetration without further context.

I actually had a FWB who owned a fucking machine once, but we had a serious two bottoms problem going on so I never had a chance to try it.

G = Glory Hole - I have never been to one. In concept I love the idea given a few caveats. First off, lets hand wave the whole sanitary and STI problem. Lets assume that is solved somehow. Second, it has to somehow be bdsm related. Make it something like. my owner volunteers me to man the glory hole. Under those kinds of circumstances I could be interested. It is easy to think of a fantasy scenario where it works, but IRL not so much.

P = Pubes - so I tend to shave when it is going to matter, and my preference is trimmed, shaved, or waxed for a partner. For the simple reason that I like giving oral sex, but hairs in my mouth is extremely bad texture, I hate that feeling.

X = xvideos - Have/Would you ever upload videos of yourself online?

I have not because I have body image and dysphoria issues, though I am slowly getting over those. Like, if I knew there was someone wanting to watch a video of me I would do it in a heart beat, but also I could have to very carefully not look at the video myself because I get the fucking worst dysphoria. I love the idea of people masturbating to videos of me. If I was young and hot and in a body that didn't make me dysphoric I'd probably be posting videos and pictures all the time.

The most I have done is post a few pictures of myself over on twitter and post audio of myself during things like predicament bondage. Like the other night I recorded audio of myself moaning and whining while I was fucking my ass with a heavily textured plug, if anyone wanted to listen I could post that.

[nangbaby]

This is a genuine question, absolutely serious. What is your opinion on the ideas of restraining orders? They're very much like "blocking" a person IRL, as a means of self-protection. Is trying to keep a harmful person away from you in real life fundamentally different than trying to keep a harmful person away from you online? Does it seem "less real" on a text based medium?

I've answered similar questions before, but I don't mind answering them again.

I have no problems with restraining orders (even though there is always an element of justice system bias when the law is involved), but there are three fundamental differences between them and blocking.

The first is that restraining orders cannot be distributed arbitrarily. You cannot wake up one day, encounter an annoying person in public, then decide to get a restraining order against them for offending your sensibilities. In fact, if you were to use the same logic in real life when applying for a restraining order (block whoever you want whenever you want), you would be in big trouble with the law. Even though some people use the restraining order process maliciously to deny people legal access, that there is an actual process in place reduces the ability of an order to be imposed because of personal preference.

The second, which is also extremely important, is that restraining orders generally expire. There are no contact orders for 90 days, 120 days, etc. You can't just get an order for someone to not ever contact you ever again based on one incident (or even no incidents, as blocking is often done based on someone else's word) . After all, a restraining order is a restraint on the other person, and generally one's rights cannot be restrained permanently even if they commit a crime. I remember vividly a local magistrate declaring in the case of arguing neighbors that a no-contact order would be too restrictive given that neighbors living in proximity may have to talk to each other.

The third, a point which I haven't argued yet, are that restraining orders are public record. Unlike with blocking, one can't reliably lie about being blocked or about not blocking a person. That means that there is some sort of verifiability beyond the two parties involved.

The reasons for these restrictions on restraining orders are because they are a legal means of stripping someone of some their rights. Compare the restraining order process with blocking.

First, it's encouraged to block whomever and whatever you want at any time. You know, that's kinda what Scott Adams is encouraging. The problem is that infringes on the rights of people in society. Blocking all members of a religion from a store isn't just bigotry; it's against the law. If you're operating a service open to the public, you have to service the public. Even the "no shoes, no shirt" policies usually don't hold up under legal scrutiny, and there are groups fighting against that. In fact, this is what part of the fear over the "bakery ruling" was about, that people could "choose" to deny services to those who are marginalized. With blocking, you don't need to prove someone is a danger to you to block or even have cause. You can just discriminate based on legally unacceptable ways without any way for someone else to prove otherwise.

Second, most people do not unblock after blocking. Blocking paints a specific individual as irredeemable trash. Imagine if you messed up and were blocked; because there is no recourse or remedy, there is no way of even knowing how you messed up. Even if you do know how, there's no point in redeeming one's behavior, because one has already been written off with no hope of recovery. This prevents the very growth needed to resolve disputes. Restraining orders, ideally, are to give people the opportunity to cool down. Maybe someone did cross a line, but there is a path for reconciliation and restoration. Even in the case of clear-cut wrong, it's the difference between timeout and eternal exile.

Third, incognito blocking can definitely be used to abuse people. One of the popular forms of harassment is for people to block an individual then to spread a smear campaign against them. Because the individual is blocked, they either don't know about the lies being told or can't stop them from being spread because of being blocked. An outsider looking at their words might just accept the claims of the party and by blocking prevents the very investigation needed to judge whether or not someone is telling the truth. While this can be the case with both a private block and a public block, with a private block someone may assume that silence on the part of the accused means that they are guilty of what has been alleged, when in reality, that person can't reply to someone's claims because they're blocked.

There does not even have to be a public use of a private block in order to cause friction. For instance, a self-selected group of users can be part of a group project. Then they can all block a person from the project to sabotage them participating. Then they can unblock that party and say that party never bothered to contact them and disappeared on them, making that person look unreliable. If the person who is blocked has no other ties to any larger community, this communal block defines their experience. It's another way of damaging people's reputations without recourse.

Now about the difference between online and real life, yes, there is a fundamental difference. Nearly every experience online is based on active participation. The only reason, for instance, why I can be pointed to an individual by the general public is because I put up a screen name and I post. If I were to stop posting, eventually, the records of what I wrote would fade and I would no longer exist. Therefore, unlike real life, where even if you lock yourself away in a domicile, there are independent markers* of your existence that can be identifiable, online experience is defined by how other people interact with you. However, when you go online and create an account on any service with a public platform or setting up a site and start interacting in an active manner, you're no longer just "going about your business." You are essentially setting up a table in the town square. You might not be selling anything. But you're being the "change my mind" guy. You're out in public with the intent of being seen and you can't stop anyone from looking at you or filming you (at least in the US, thankfully).

The equivalent of harmful people online are those who set up phishing sites, spread ransomware, spammers, and such. Arguably, pirates can also considered harmful for IP holders. You know, people who hijack the actual experience and interface in order to involuntarily cause clear-cut identifiable harm. I would also include Internet mobs formed against people who do not derive money from their account directly or indirectly, as this can cause harm based on an inability for that individual to experience the Internet with the same capacity. Likewise, those with prioritized and paid speech (including those with tip jars and Patreons and Ko-fis and such) harm people those who do not have money behind their words. Unfortunately, I have no means of removing the harm paid users cause, and their very means of harm (blocking) reduces any ability for me to even mitigate it by becoming a paid user myself because my audience is permanently reduced. The harm is just as real, but it's not the person who is blocking being harmed but the person being blocked.

After all, if forcibly isolating an individual in real life is considered causing harm, then how is forcibly isolating an individual online not causing harm? One can only forcibly isolate if there is a power imbalance. As someone with no power, I can't harm another user any more than a baby can harm a grown adult. The worst I could do is cry, and you can't block babies from crying. In fact doing so is child abuse. I know this post is all over the place, but I wanted to show why I feel that blocking is fundamentally harmful in a way that restraining orders are not. It's a weaponized form of silence. The actual equivalent of a block offline is SLAPP suit. *obviously there are digital markers of existence, too, but I'm arguing from the point of a third party observer, not someone on the back end.

[mod-python]

Silentsiren you would do well to learn from Capone and just shut the fuck up, what is wrong with you??? Capone kept his mouth shut on here like a normal adult who knows how to ignore middle school type bullying and Silentsiren is over there claiming to be better and less awful than Capone when she’s probably just as guilty as him and also she’s just making herself look insane and high-keyed even more of a freak to be around minors then Capone. It’s very interesting that a court would be so resistant to give over full custod, to the biological mother because courts are very biased in custody cases, to the mother especially given the stuff Silentsiren claims about her ex. I’m not saying it’s untrue, I’m sure you’ve gone through horrible things but it just makes things look really suspicious if you’re struggling that much to get custody, especially if you have documented records of past abuse? Now I’m not “happy” to offer up my private court documents like you are (which I hope you know could absolutely destroy your trial if by some awful chance that made its way back to your IRL) but I also have been involved in legal issues around divorce and custody and protect/restraining orders involving my partner’s family. We won custody by the way. So all I’m saying is that you think you’re saving your own ass by being tell-all style, but you’re just making yourself look worse and worse. Just drop it and spend time with your daughter instead of sitting online and being insane

[knotted-kitten]

✨ Pinned ✨

   Alright, let’s do this. Hiya, I’m Aki! Nonbinary (they/he), 27 years old, polyamorous, demipan, an owned pet (prefers to sub, can switch), kinky as hell. Been in the BDSM community for...about 5 years, I’d say. Knew I had an interest in kinky stuff for far longer.

    Dating someone- my Master- for 5 years! 💕 He knows about this account and fully endorses me being a brat to ppl online. (Also to me talking to others about kinks, being bullied by said ppl, etc. etc.)

    Only friends + my partner(s) get to use she/her pronouns for me. Unless you’re in one of those groups, don’t! ♡  Otherwise, I’ll ignore/delete the ask or block. Simple as that.

    After the DNI, I’ll have a quick kink-list rundown and also the pets I associate myself with~! So I hope you have fun here, and feel free to shoot an ask or DM at any time. I’ll try to respond as quick as I can~!

DNI List:

MINORS GET OUT. +18 acct, get out. Otherwise, blocked.

No age in bio, get treated the same: get blocked. I’m not risking it. Make your age easily findable; I’m not going to your blog to go to your Carrd + click on a link to your About page.

Occasionally self-ship. I self-ship on the side. This is my lewd blog...yeah, they’ll end up here sometimes, too. If you don’t like it, feel free to leave! (If you do enjoy it or an enabler... Then I hope you enjoy my shenanigans, dkghfjdks. 💕)

Don’t act like my Dom. Don’t attempt to bring out my Dom side, either. (Being a brat in ask/DM, asking for my preferred titles, etc.) I don’t know you like that.

Don’t flirt with me! Chatting about kinks/sex is a-okay! Moving it to, “Wanna choke on my-?” or “You’d be so cute as my baby,” is not. I’m demisexual and w/o the trust + knowledge of who you are as a person... Shit like that is a shortcut to us never talking again. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Be respectful, in short. I might happily call myself a ho, but neither me nor my Master will put up with anyone’s shit.

None of the following, as per tradition: transphobia, homophobia, racism, Tr*mp supporter/republican, etc.

    And that’s it for now. List to be updated if anything else comes to mind.

As promised, petplay-related things beneath the cut, as well as a kinklist for the mobile folk. 💖

Petspaces

kitten 🐱 [ main headspace; ragdoll-based, though ears based off of my FF14 chara might show up sometimes ]

puppy 🐶 [ shiba & wolfdog pup; all of the sass ]

cow 🐮 [ strawberry cow!! it’s cute!! ]

fox / kitsune 🦊 [ fox types I vibe w/ are red & marble! tho I have a very fantasy-esque, pink/black set irl that I adore, too. kitsune vibes...change on the day ]

bunny 🐰 [ lop-eared ]

Kinklist

voice kink // growly voices

size difference

biting [giving & receiving; love it on my thighs & neck, most especially!]

marks/hickies [giving & receiving]

hair tugging/pulling [receiving]

being slapped/spanked/whipped/etc [doesn’t mind giving it, either, on occasion]

dirty talk + degredation [receiving more than giving, but I might let some slip; the dirtier, the better]

humiliation [receiving]

bondage/being restrained [receiving; handcuffs or ropes, doesn’t matter to me!]

petplay collars, wearing gear (i.e. ears and tail plug), being referred to as a pet (ex: “good kitten”)

primal play

rough sex/treatment [receiving]

CNC (AKA Consensual Non-Consent) [receiving]

orgasm denial [giving & receiving]

sensation play [receiving; ice, feathers]

being blindfolded (for the above or otherwise) [receiving]

impregnation/breeding [receiving, ofc]

risk kink (related to above)

choking // being held by the throat/jaw [receiving]

Daddy kink (as a title, NOT ageplay)

[lnarizakis]

E-GIRL: CRUEL INTERNET

IRLS 2

main page | next page

800+ WORDS | WITH KOZUME , KUROO , SEMI

“I don’t think I can do Saturday. I’m meeting someone that day.”

Oh. It was blatantly obvious with whom you were referring to Semi, and he really doesn’t know how at this point you haven’t figured that he knows you’re some popular e-girl that’s made it big online.

“Ah, okay,” he said in return, “Is it, like, a date, or something?”

You hummed, thinking. “I guess you could call it that. I don’t know; it’ll probably be a collaboration of sorts.”

“How so?”

“Well, we might end up working together.”

In understanding, Semi hummed, and promptly hung up. You were left sitting at your desk in silence, after having finished the conversation with Twitter user “applepi.” Your legs were crossed and stuck together, having been sweaty from nervousness throughout your call with Semi. It was hard to keep a secret from your best friend. You hoped he didn’t—and wouldn’t ever, for that matter— figure out your “part-time job.”

You yawned, the livestream tiring you out. Getting up from your chair, you stretched and changed into clothes suitable for sleep and waited for Saturday to arrive at full force. Excitement buzzed in you throughout the week, hoping to start up a successful collaboration with the boy who messaged you.

When Saturday came, you dressed so atypical from what you usually wore on camera that it was hard for Kenma to notice you right away at the cafe by Semi’s repair shop. Kenma, clad in his casual attire (though, he claimed it was his most fluid outfit, being able to wear it no matter the occasion, no matter the weather).

He walked up to you, clammy hands in his pockets and face flush with excitement, and, with an attempt to make his voice an octave deeper than what it should be, he called out a “Hey,” to you, who sat on a bench outside the cafe, mindlessly scrolling through your phone.

“Did I keep you waiting?” Kenma asked you, restraining himself from grabbing you by the waist, exclaiming out loud that he was meeting the one girl for whom he’s ever had eyes.

You looked up at him, a wide smile adorning your face as you stood up, telling him, “No, I just got here! Let’s go inside, shall we?”

The two of you were seated in a quiet, quaint corner, neither of you minding a booth seat. The scenery around you was so mom-and-pop, very unlike other cafes that you and he were used to, that it seemed to be too informal for a first date, as Kenma had hoped. However, the two of you were so isolated that Kenma could reach over and hold your hand, maybe rub his thumb over yours, without any of your other fans glaring over at him, jealousy raging like a fire in their stare.

“So,” you said, breaking the ice between you two, “You’re Kodzuken, huh? I’ve heard of you… I think I’ve watched a few of your videos. I’m a fan.”

Kenma stayed silent. What was he to do when, albeit only having just met her, this girl that he practically loves tells him that she’s a fan of what he does? He went red in the face, but his tied-back hair prevented him from hanging his head low and avoiding her soft gaze.

“Thanks,” was all he could manage to say.

Again, another silence, one prolonged slightly longer due to not knowing what to say, before you asked him, “Do you think we could stream together some day? You know, we could play a game together.”

Subconsciously Kenma gave you a single nod, evidently agreeing to your notion. You lit up with his response, and from there the two of you began discussing how you were to run things, such as your computer set-up and when is the best time to stream together.

After showing Kenma a few pictures on your phone of your gaming set-up, he immediately included after a gasp of laughter that it was only subpar, to which you playfully snapped at him. With a strange sense of confidence rising in him, he asked you if you’d like to come home with him to view his gaming set-up (and, if he was lucky and charming enough, maybe to spend the night?).

You complied— of course you weren’t going to pass down an opportunity to see a professional gamer’s computer set-up! You beamed at Kenma, who gave you eyes reserved for only a husband’s first look at his wife after marriage.

When you arrived at Kenma’s place, there was a car waiting outside that only he recognized— it was Kuroo’s car, inside which was an impatient Kuroo Tetsurou, needing to see Kenma (or was it you?). As the man inside the car saw the two of you approach Kenma’s home, Kuroo got out of his car and gave them a warm greeting, almost as if he was welcoming Kenma into his own home.

“Who’s this lovely lady you have with you, Kenma?”

@wansseul @rin-ji @ay-leon @sadkaashistan @lcaita @hidden-wheels @tris-does-stuff @waitforitillwritemywayout @kozukth @denkis-slut @moncymonce @osamusamusamu @princessmidas @creativedogs @hnpriscilla @fantasiesofdreams | italicized: can’t tag

[rapedmaid]

1. What fetishes do you have?

lots!

2. What is your favorite fetish?

ddlg & rape play

3. Have you indulged in all your fetishes?

only online/sexting

4. What fetishes are you yet to experience?

somno, but i hope i get to soon !!

5. Are there any fetishes you don’t have yet, but may be interested in?

not that i can think of

6. Have you experienced BDSM? Do you practice it?

only a small amount irl

7. Are you a top/dominant a bottom/submissive or a switch?

submissive!

8. What is it about BDSM that you like?

someone having complete control over me

9. Have you experienced being tied up or restrained?

yes!!! i love it sm!!

10. Have you experienced rope play?

yes!!

11. Do you enjoy long, extended teasing/edging sessions?

very much! yes!

12. What is the longest you’ve been teased/edged?

6-7 hours

13. Do you enjoy teasing and denial?

LOVE

14. Do you like to be denied?

yes !

15. Do you have a panty fetish?

idk

16. Have you ever purchased panties from a woman online?

no

17. Have you ever used panties to masturbate? (Stuffing/Wrapping/Etc.)

yes i’ve used mine before

18. Do you have a hosiery fetish?

i don’t know

19. Do you like pain?

i love it sososo much yes

20. Do you like spanking/being spanked?

YES

21. What do you prefer to use to spank? (Paddles/Hands/Whips/Etc)

paddles & canes

22. Do you like to hit or be hit? How hard?

i love being hit, slapped, or punched! very hard!

23. Do you enjoy choking or being choked? How hard?

until i can no longer breathe!!

24. Do you like to bite or be bit?

bit, yes!

25. Do you like to slap or be slapped?

slapped!

26. Do you like pulling or having your hair pulled?

having my hair pulled

27. What is your safe-word?

gum drop

28. Have you ever done a cum-walk? (Walking in public with cum on your face/clothes/etc)

yes

29. Would you do a cum-walk?

yes obviously hehe

30. Are you an exhibitionist?

yes very much!!

31. What was your best exhibitionism experience?

my ex using me in the woods!

32. Are you a cuckold?

no

33. Are you a cuckqueen?

no, i’m not

34. Are you a bull?

i’m not

35. Would you like to watch your partner have sex with another person?

i would absolutely hate it

36. Would you like to have your partner watch you with another person?

not at all

37. Have you ever been cuckolded?

nope

38. What is it about cuckolding that you like?

i think the idea is really cute but it’s not for me personally

39. Do you like to be humiliated?

i absolutely adore it

40. Do you like to humiliate your partner?

i like teasing but not humiliating them

41. Do you like to be humiliated while cuckolding or do you prefer a friendly environment.

a friendlier environment!

42. Do you like to be forced into crossdressing?

i honestly don’t know

43. Have you ever fisted?

no

44. Are you a swinger?

no, i’m not

45. Have you ever been to a swingers club (with a partner)?

no i haven’t

46. Would you ever go to a swingers club (with a partner)?

i don’t know if it’s really my thing

47. Would you ever participate in an orgy? (4 or more people)

orogys are so cute!

48. Would you ever participate in a gang bang? (4 or more people)

YES PLEASE

49. Have you ever pegged/been pegged?

no i haven’t

50. Do you enjoy large strap on dildos or smaller?

both!!

51. Do you enjoy sucking or having your strap on sucked?

sucking!!!

52. Do you like incest?

as a kink, yes. otherwise absolutely not

53. Have you ever experienced incest?

i have trauma, yes.

54. Do you like face-sitting/smothering?

i love it

55.Do you like weapon play?

i absolutely love it

56. Do you like rape play?

my favourite kink

57. Have you experienced rape play?

yes i’ve roleplayed rape play!

58. Do you like to be dominated?

very much

59. Have you ever been dominated online?

yes

60. Do you enjoy pet-play?

def top 3 kinks

61. Do you like daddy dom/little play?

also top 3

62. Do you like to be worshiped?

not personally

63. Do you like to worship?

adore it

64. Do you like to be spit on or spit on your partner?

being spit on!!

65. Do you like to keep the slave play in the bedroom or carry it over to real life?

i would love to serve someone!

66. Have you ever been suspended while having sex?

yes

67. Do you like to be told what to do?

i absolutely love it

68. Do you enjoy giving/receiving JOIs? (Jerk Off Instructions)

yes!

68. Have you ever given or received a foot job?

no but i would give one!

69. Would you participate in a bukkake?

i would love to

70. Do you enjoy brat play?

yes but i’m too polite to stay bratty for long periods of time