#i have been so distanced from my irl friends lately and seeing them post photos together is like a gut punch | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jwink-4life-blog · 5 years ago

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My girlfriend posted this. Turns out I'm the asshole. lol. LMK if i am.

I am still with my girlfriend so please don't be mean to her. I did this to see if it would help me with my anxiety associated with the whole situation. Maybe it will help me move on.

My girlfriend posted this. Turns out I'm the asshole. lol. LMK if i am.

"So my boyfriend recently decided that he was having issues trusting me for little things he would consider white lies. (i.e. things such as saying I could handle spicy food when it turned out i no longer could) so he wanted to go through my phone, which I obliged. He went in to my Snapchat account and asked who a particular person I was talking to was.

I told him the truth, that it was someone that I had met through tinder and had become friends with. This person was well aware I'm with my boyfriend and made no moves to try and flirt or insinuate he was hoping my bf and I broke up.

My bf went through the conversation and didn't see anything suspicious, his words, not mine. All there was were complaints of wanting to kms and stomach pain. However he still insisted that he couldn't trust me and has beliefs that I'm possibly cheating on him if he has no proof of such and I never did. I never met the person I was talking to IRL

Am I the Asshole?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey, her boyfriend here. I just thought I would fill in what is missing. At the time of her post, we had been dating since the summer of 2019 (8 months in total) but officially SO since late November (3 months). Still together!... maybe not after this. I address the extra information she added on the comments too.

Organized in chronological order:

1. She mentions a guy, let us call him Jeff. She said that Jeff and she went to a movie together after we had gotten together; that is true. Expect she left out that when we were dating she went on a date with this guy. That was perfectly fine. At the time she was not my girlfriend. She had vented to me that the guy ditched her halfway through the date and began to cry about it. She vented how upset she was because she was looking forward to it. During the time she was venting, I listened and gave her friendly advice. I finally realized months later that I really liked this girl and wanted to be with her so I asked her to be my girlfriend and to my luck, she said yes. We discussed on the day we got together that we would not talk to ex's, flirt with other people, and get off of our dating apps. Even talk about not putting ourselves in a position where cheating could occur because of someone else making a move. However, not a month into our relationship and she goes to the movies with Jeff. On are seconded date we went to the cinema where we kissed and hugged during the movie and had sexual relations for the first time after the movie which is perfectly fine. She was single and she could do with her body as she pleased. But once she got in a relationship that should have changed. What am I supposed to think? She had dated the guy before, cried about him and were at a place where I know that they could be affectionate. She told me that she was going to the movies with him and I expressed that I was not OK with it. She still went. That was the first red flag. The reason why it was a big deal was that we had just talked about our relationship and the guidelines that we expect to follow.

2. After the time she went to the movie with "jeff" (not his real name). I started to get on tinder to look at her profile to see anything suspicious (She had lost my trust). I was looking for new changes to her bio and photos. Probably a day or two later I noticed her tinder profiles had disappeared from my matched list. I thought that maybe she had blocked me so I could not see changes. Second red flag.

3. I talked to my support system such as a friend, and family they agreed that it is something worth bringing up.

4. I confront her about everything so far.

She explained that her father had prank called her using an automatic voice recording that called about a tinder date. She said she got scared because she didn't understand how they got her number and deleted the profile. So I asked her for her phone. She gave it to me but before she did she entered Kik and swipe the start page to the left and press some things. At the time I had no idea what was Kik so I just asked her what it was and she said it's an internet browsing app. She failed to mention that it was a messaging app too. I exited out of Kik and went in to tinder and we tried to sign in. There was no profile connected to her number so I left it as she was saying the truth.

When I brought up Jeff her excuse was that she had always gone out with guys by herself and it wasn't a problem ever. She said that I should trust her. She said it was her first relationship, so she didn't know it would have been an issue. I didn't like that excuse because we had already talked about guidelines in our relationships and she was breaking one. I explained that I don't trust Jeff (but I didn't trust her too). This is a guy that has dated another guy to watch free movies and get free food but he's not gay. He's is a shady person. She said nothing happened between them. She agreed on the conditions that would not happen again. We went on with our lives together.

5. Some time passes. We had other issues later on but like any other couple.

6. One day while I was driving she had mentioned that she was keeping in touch with people all over the world and that they were her friends. She mentioned that she use to be in love with a guy from out of the country and would have phone sex with another that lived out of state. I didn't say anything because at the time I didn't feel that she need to get rid of these friends since they were so far away. Later on, stuff happened that changed my mind.

7. Some time passes again.

8. One day when we were laying in bed together I noticed that she was deleting her Snapchat and Kik from her phone. I just made a mental note because I thought it was old. I didn't ask anything and she just told me that she needed space on her phone. It sounds valid to me. Still, though, I didn't ask. Later in the future, she told me that she had deleted them so I wouldn't think she was cheating.

9. Later on that night or the following night she was acting weird. She didn't want to have sex which is fine but she distanced herself from me. We would normally cuddle but she was on the other side of the bed. Her mannerisms were almost like covering her vagina where ever she moved (not on her period); it was behavior she never exhibited before. I joked with her to try and make her feel better and she said: "you are a bitch though!". She was defensive about my jokes. Not how she normally acts when I joke with her. That whole night was terrible, it just became a battle of who could annoy the other.

10. The next morning I could not stop getting this feeling that something was wrong. I knew I didn't have much of a reason to ask for her phone again. Still that night I talked to her. I began to doubt myself. I explain to her, how when I was a child my mother would have me call all the numbers off of my dad's phone from call history to see if my dad was cheating(He was) so I told her that I think this is the reason why I may feel she is cheating on me with no evidence. I asked if she would let me see her phone to prove my suspicions are wrong. She said yes. I smiled and didn't take her phone. I felt that was good enough for me... until after we were done eating she began to get ready to shower but before going she made eye contact with me and placed her phone in her backpack, never breaking eye contact with me; solid 20 seconds of eye contact. I just made a mental note that it was weird that she put it away so awkwardly.

11. Later on that night in bed I thought it was the best time to ask her for her phone to finally put my suspicions away. She gave me her phone. Initially, she didn't bother looking over to see where I was going on her phone. That made me feel that I had nothing to worry about. I went to her phone and didn't find a thing but then I remember she had deleted her Snapchat and Kik.

12. The next move was to go into the files of her phone where stuff is stored even when the app is deleted. I enter the Kik app file and she was sending a video of her kissing the screen and role-playing. She said it was before we were together. I check the date it's in late December after I met her family. This is when her relaxed attitude change to focusing on the screen at all times.

13. I download Kik and Snapchat. I made sure to remove the phone from her hands once she signs in to not have a suspicion of her deleting stuff.

14. I still didn't know much about Kik but later I found out that if you delete or sign out of the app all your messages will be deleted. No message was found because she had deleted the app. Just a guy's name that she said was a friend but messages in the conversation were empty.

15. Snap chat was where I found a red flag. I enter her snap chat and saw 4 guys' names. I asked her "before I go in any of these do you want to tell me anything?" she said no.

I enter the first guy chat, it was the out of state guy who she had phone sex before; he saved messages. The saved messages didn't look suspicious but it's Snapchat so there can be some that weren't saved. Weird that she talking to someone she uses to have frequent phone sex with but OK. Didn't say much about it.

The second guy, he saved messages too. He was sending her voice messages. Saved messages were not suspicious but it's Snapchat so there can be some that weren't saved. I asked her who he was since his name was not familiar. She said he found her from tinder and they been messaging since. That was a red flag for me because we discussed we would not communicate with the people we meet from tinder. She said that he never made a move on her... stuff like that; however, she then said how she was trying to meet up with the guy at Denny's once because she wanted pancakes and even though she wanted to he would not go unless she would take a friend with her because he knew she had a boyfriend. Sounds weird?? Yup! She said they never met. why would she try to meet up with him by herself? So I'm the asshole? why do all these dudes supposedly "save the whole conversation"?

The third and fourth were guy she has been friends with and I have no problem with her hanging with the two of them together. She had mentioned these friends a long time ago so it checked out.

16. On the drive home, after I went through her phone. She must have the worst timing ever because she brought up the fact that she used to cheat when playing cards with her dad. Her dad got mad at her and would not play with her again. She would ask to play with her dad but he wouldn't let her because she would cheat. Then she told me that if her dad would have given her another chance she would have proven that she wouldn't have cheated again. Why did she say this??? no idea. Bad timing, maybe?

17. But right after that story she then became mad and quiet. She said I had broken her personal space which all she has in her life. I told her that I gave her phone back and she could go through mine whenever she wanted. She still was mad. Saying that I took her privacy away. This got me heated because I didn't say she had to stop talking to anyone after I found the suspicious activities. I blew up! I told her we will talk about it at her house! Then she started crying saying how she is sorry and so on.

18. Once at her house, I told her that anyone from a dating site that she met; people she had any sexual activities including phone sex from the past she would have to stop talking to if she wanted to be with me. I dropped her off and left angry. We took the weekend apart from each other.

19. I talked to my support system again and they said it was time to cut it off. I agreed but...

20. My dumb ass stayed with her. lol, We talked it out. She blamed her inexperience with the relationship since it was her first. Saying she didn't know better.

21. We had other issues like any other couple.

22. I was going to finally break up with her but I had to wait until the weekend because I promise to take her sibling to school for a few weeks. I waited to break up with her to keep my promise to her.

23. She caught on to me being distant and faking being happy. She confronted me about it and we decide to work on our relationship.

24. Part of the conversation involved people who thought I was overrating about past relationship troubles. Turn out she was talking about Reddit!!! Hi, Reddit! Seems allot of info got left out. SMH. I thought it was weird how everyone I went to for advice thought I made perfect sense but with her, she thought I was overreacting, insecure, and bad shit crazy.

24. I fell in love with her. Hopefully, I don't get my heart to rip out. lmao.

25. Almost forgot, the "white lies"... well, do I have to go in detail about this? Shouldn't this post speak for itself? I understand why we use white lies; we are using then to not hurt someone's feelings. "Hey, do I look ugly?" "No, you are a snack". This was not the case. I have caught her many times lying about stuff that there's no need to lie about, hold information, and change a slight thing in her story to fit her narrative. For example, "My bf went through the conversation and didn't see anything suspicious, his words, not mine". Really? Did I say that? The only thing I told her was there was not enough proof to say she didn't cheat on me. There was defiantly so suspicious activities.

Am I the asshole?

Is she the asshole?

Or am I a 100% simp?

LMK

#reddit

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artificialqueens · 6 years ago

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Undone, Chapter 14 (Bitney) - Stephanie/Veronica

A/N: Welcome to Chapter 14 of UNDONE, our slow burn Bitney lesbian AU. Here’s a link to the previous chapters.

Summary: Bianca escapes to a gig in Atlanta at the perfect time, as things are getting real tense with Jared.

Thank you to everyone who beta’d while I changed around the plot 40 times: @kitschypixel @sheofthethrone @jillybean2314 @theartificialdane

TW: This story deals with themes of emotional abuse, and since that can be subtle, we’re going to keep a general TW on all of the chapters.

***

Bianca falls into bed beside Jared, sighing. Her buzz from dinner has unfortunately worn off and now she just feels tired. She glances over at Jared, who seems to be ignoring her, tapping furiously at his phone, brow furrowed.

She picks up her own phone, scrolling absentmindedly through Instagram. She pauses on Courtney’s latest picture: she’s in Sydney, at the Mardi Gras parade, surrounded by throngs of colorful revelers, covered in glitter, rainbow streaks in her hair. Her expression is jubilant, ecstatic.

Bianca likes the photo, begins to slowly type out a comment. “You look like...” her fingers hover over the keys, stomach twisting. Joy. Perfection. Everything I have ever wanted.

“What are you lookin’ at?” Jared asks, turning onto his side.

"Oh, um, my friend is in Sydney for Mardi Gras. It looks crazy,” Bianca answers.

“That Australian girl from the show? The lesbian?"

"Uh, yeah." Bianca is a little surprised that Jared made the connection. But, she supposes that she has mentioned Courtney to him a few times before. She’s certainly not trying to hide anything.

Jared moves a little closer, asking, “What does she look like? Is she cute?" He tries to grab her phone and she jumps away.

“Stop!”

Jared laughs, now enjoying the struggle.

"Why won't you let me see her?!"

"I'm in the middle of writing a comment!"

“So what?! Give me the phone!"

Bianca quickly deletes what she was writing, cheeks burning with...something. She’s not sure what, but she feels a little hot and wonders if maybe the alcohol from earlier hasn’t quite worn off like she thought. She gulps, handing over the phone and watching his face carefully.

"Daaaaamn..." Jared lets out a low whistle, clicking on Courtney’s username and checking out her other recent pictures. “Are you sure she’s a lesbian?”

“Uh, yeah. Pretty sure,” Bianca answers, slightly irritated.

“Huh. She doesn’t look like one. She looks...sexy.”

Bianca isn’t sure why that comment annoys her so much, but she doesn’t like the expression on his face as he scrolls through the pictures. It almost feels like he’s stealing something from her. When he double-taps a picture from last autumn, Bianca quickly snatches the phone back.

"What are you doing?!" she shrieks, and he begins to laugh.

"I just liked a picture, what?"

“But...but we're friends, and that was like, a thot picture of her in a bathing suit, from like months ago, you can't-oh my god..."

“Who cares?"

Bianca sighs and patiently asks, “If Willam posted a picture of his ass, would you like it?”

“Uh...if he looked like her, yeah.”

“Way to miss the point.”

“Okay, so just unlike it then. Or tell her it was me.”

Bianca stares at him for a moment before exclaiming, “That’s even worse!”

“B…” A sly smile spreads across Jared’s face. He leans in and murmurs, “Do you have a crush on this girl?” He presses a kiss to her neck.

“Stop it,” Bianca says, pulling away. “Of course not.”

“Yeah, you do,” he insists, arms sliding back around her. “You naughty girl.”

“I don’t-”

“It's okay, baby, it's hot.” Jared nuzzles her ear, hard dick against her hip. “My bad girl. Should I punish you?”

“Jared-”

“Remember that girl junior year? The redhead?”

Bianca’s stomach is tight, her breath shallow. Another protest is on the tip of her tongue, but seeing his sleepy-eyed leer, she relents, letting him pin her wrists over her head, climb on top of her.

“Don’t be ashamed, babe. I told you, it’s hot,” he says, smirking down at her.

Bianca nods, biting her lip. She supposes that she should be grateful. Not all husbands would be this open-minded. This forgiving.

“I mean, if it was a guy, I’d have to kill him. But…” Jared laughs, a hollow laugh that makes Bianca shiver. “But this? I’m into it.”

Bianca stares up at the ceiling, blinking back tears. Where the fuck did those come from? She brushes them away angrily, closing her eyes, while he slides down her pajama bottoms.

***

Courtney flops down onto her sofa, finally home after almost 18 hours of traveling. She breathes a sigh of relief and picks up her phone. Her first message sounds way too needy, and she quickly deletes it, trying to think of a way to say what she wants without being such an obvious jet-lagged emotional mess.

COURTNEY: I really miss the way you manhandle my seams <3

BIANCA: lol, you’re an idiot <3

COURTNEY: When do you leave for Atlanta?

BIANCA: Saturday.

COURTNEY: Shit. Maybe we can do lunch sometime this week?

BIANCA: I wish. I’m so fucking slammed with prep. I don’t even know when I’m gonna pack.

Courtney lets her head fall backwards, deflating a little. She’s been getting the sense that Bianca was pulling away, although sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s real or just all in her head. The idea of waiting months before seeing her again is a crushing blow, but she doesn’t want to make her feel bad.

COURTNEY: Ok. I’ll let you get back to it then. Have a safe trip. <3

***

Bianca stares out the window at the puffy white clouds, a sense of relief making her feel more relaxed than she remembers being in...years, maybe. Maybe the most relaxed she’d ever been sober.

She hates to admit how tense things have been with Jared lately. But after she’d kissed him goodbye and gotten into the uber, it was as if every cell in her body exhaled.

Or, maybe it’s just the excitement of finally being a department head, for a beautiful little indie film set in the 1960s. Finally having a project where her creative vision would be fully realized, the director and producer basically giving her carte blanche because they loved her preliminary sketches so much. And of course, there’s the fact that she’ll be living in the same city as Latrice for the first time since high school. That must be it.

She smiles, bending down to drop a few treats into the dogs’ travel bag.

***

Bianca yanks open the door of the little sidewalk cafe and rushes over to Latrice - her oldest friend, the person who knows her best in the world. She throws herself into Latrice’s arms, the taller woman letting out a deep laugh as she embraces her tightly, saying, “I missed you, too, gorgeous.”

Once they’re seated, Latrice pushes a glass of sweet tea over to Bianca.

“Alright. Give me the latest. What’s going on? How’s your team? How’s Prince Charming coping with you being gone?”

“The crew’s great, I’m really excited about this show. And...he’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure about that?” Latrice asks with a chuckle. “Remember when we went to Barbados and he called you 20 times a day? That boy can barely breathe without you.”

“Well, he’s busy too,” Bianca says, feeling just a little defensive. Jared had spent her last 2 weeks in LA going on and on about what a sacrifice he was making, how hard her absence was going to be for him, how grateful she should be that he was so understanding. By the end, she had conceded every point out of pure exhaustion.

“Sure, I know. But...it’s hard to make a baby long distance. Is he gonna come visit for Game Day?”

Bianca forces a laugh.

“No, I don’t think so. Actually, I haven’t even been tracking for a couple months.”

“Really? Just letting Jesus take the wheel?”

“Yeah. Well…I mean, it’s been such a stressful process. And the last doctor I saw basically told me that I was like...trying too hard. And also...” Bianca trails off, looking down. She hasn’t admitted the next part out loud yet. Maybe she hasn’t even admitted it to herself.

Latrice covers Bianca’s hand with her own.

“Yeah?”

“I dunno. I guess…” Bianca looks away. “I’ve been having some doubts about whether we’re even meant to...have kids. What if it hasn’t happened for a reason?”

“B…” Latrice pauses, searching for the best way to respond.

“...well, isn’t it possible? Que sera sera and all that shit.”

“You know, someday, you’re gonna give yourself a break from all this neurotic self torture. And that will be a beautiful day,” Latrice says.

“You’re right.” Bianca clears her throat. “I just need to chill. Obviously. But...enough about my bullshit. Tell me about the wedding plans!”

***

Work is slow for Courtney in the spring, so she asks her old modeling agents to toss her some commercial work. When she learns about the first job they booked for her, she doesn’t know whether to be horrified or proud. It’s a pretty big print ad campaign, for Johnson & Johnson. She’s playing a mother, lovingly placing a BandAid on her baby. When Bianca learns of the whole thing via text, she’s utterly amused.

BIANCA: BAHAHAHAHAHA

BIANCA: Should I call you Mommy now?

COURTNEY: If that’s what you’re into ;)

BIANCA: omg

COURTNEY: It’s cool, I don’t kink shame

BIANCA: SHUT UP OMG

Later in the week, she texts Bianca from the set to give her an update, curled in a chair in the greenroom.

COURTNEY: OK so I’m at this shoot, and they tell me they want me to show some “respectable mum cleavage” in the shot when I lean over to put the band-aid on the kid. I LOL’d IRL, because hello? Wrong girl.

BIANCA: lol awwww. Can’t relate.

COURTNEY: Thanks, I’m WELL aware

BIANCA: ;)

COURTNEY: So their brilliant solution was to tape me into this wonderbra/bustier thing, and to further emphasize my (lack of) tits, they are contouring and highlighting the fuck out of my chest. I feel like a goddamn drag queen.

BIANCA: HAHA, you would be the worst drag queen. Do you even own makeup?

COURTNEY: MEANWHILE this damn baby is just sitting over in the corner drooling. He better not be making more than me.

BIANCA: He probably is. Needed: Caucasian baby, must not roll eyes when co-star waxes poetic about vegan pudding for 30 minutes.

COURTNEY: IF YOU ARE IMPLYING THAT THE VEGGIE GRILL PUDDING ISNT WORTHY OF POETRY THEN YOURE A DEMON

BIANCA: Calm down, crazy

COURTNEY: Omg they just applied the fake wound to him and it’s a little horrible looking. I’m actually worried that I might not put this band-aid on him properly. What if he bleeds out and dies? I don’t think I’m ready for motherhood. I CANT TAKE THIS PRESSURE

BIANCA: You’re gonna be fine. ;P

COURTNEY: Okay he made it. Phew.

BIANCA: I was on pins and needles.

It’s like an addiction, this need to share everything with Bianca. To make her laugh, to get her feedback, to know all of the mundane details of her day. To connect, as often as possible. Courtney knows that she’s in way over her head, but she doesn’t care. She just wants more.

***

Bianca doubles over laughing as Chris recounts a story of trying to take Latrice white water rafting. Latrice tries to chime in and dispute some of his facts, but she’s laughing too hard to be very effective.

“Honestly Chris. What on earth made you think that was a good idea?!” Bianca asks him, wiping tears from her eyes. She takes a sip of her wine and helps them load plates into the dishwasher.

“I...I don’t know. Seemed like an adventure?” Chris says with a sheepish grin. He places a newly washed pan in the drying rack.

“Lesson learned!” Latrice pipes up, sliding the leftovers into the fridge. “Now go away so we can talk about your dick.”

“You could just say that you wanna chill with your friend,” Chris laughs, kissing her on the cheek as he sails out the door.

Latrice slings an arm over Bianca’s shoulder and guides her into the living room.

“I’m really glad that I’m getting to know Chris better,” Bianca says, settling onto the sofa. “He’s just so great.”

“He is. I’m very lucky.”

“Well, you’re both lucky.” She flashes a grin and Latrice smiles back.

“How about you? How are you doing?”

“Good! Yeah, the show is humming along, the crew is better than I thought, it’s been…” Bianca shrugs, letting out a contented sigh. “It’s been amazing.”

“And...how’s Prince Charming? Still surviving without you?”

“He’s okay. Actually...” Bianca bites her lip nervously. “To be honest, it’s been kind of wonderful to be on my own. I haven’t really thought about him that much.”

Latrice raises an eyebrow.

“I know, it’s awful, right? I’m a terrible wife.”

“Of course not. Everyone needs some alone time, B. But...is it more than that?”

“No!” Bianca exclaims, a little too vehemently, then asks, “...Why?”

“You just seem a little tense every time I mention him.”

“Yeah, I don’t know.” Bianca looks down, fighting the urge to guzzle her entire glass of wine in one gulp.

“Are things okay with you guys? You know, it’s okay to have issues. Every couple goes through ups and downs. You don’t have to be perfect all the time-”

“I know that!” Bianca sighs. “Anyway, it’s nothing to do with him. Or…”

“I’m listening.”

“I think I may have...um...fallen for someone else.”

“You did what now?” Latrice sits back, eyebrow raised in judgment.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Bianca says, eyes downcast. “I haven’t done anything.”

“I just wonder how many years this boy has to jump through hoops before you see how good he is to you,” Latrice sighs.

Bianca swallows.

“I mean, come on, B. Is there really someone better out there? Or is this just more of the same commitment-phobic stuff that you’ve been putting him through since college?”

“Stop. Forget it. I’m sure this time away will...make me realize how much I miss him, and-”

“I just don’t know why you torture yourself. And him. He worships you. Why can’t you enjoy it? And who is this other person? Your typical pretty boy type?” Latrice asks.

“She’s-”

“Oh, so we’re back to girls, eh?” Latrice teases. “That’s fun.”

“It’s really annoying when you pretend not to know how bisexuality works,” Bianca informs her.

“Sorry, sorry,” Latrice rolls her eyes. “And does she grovel at your feet, like your husband?” The disapproval drips from her tone.

“No...she...it’s a totally different situation.” Bianca presses her lips together. She’s trying not to squirm, not to appear too gleeful, but thinking about Courtney always causes her to get a little giddy.

“Alright, go ahead. I can tell you’re dying to tell me all about her. Just remember, Jesus is listening.”

“Noted,” Bianca says, then leans forward, lowering her voice for some reason. Maybe to make things a little harder for Jesus to hear. “She’s...like...unbelievably gorgeous...but that’s not even the best thing about her. I mean, she’s sexy, but also so smart, and fun, and like...she has this charming, effervescent personality...I’m so fucked.”

“Yeah, sounds like it,” Latrice sighs. “Well...I mean, how deep are these feelings? Is it like, a crush, or…?”

“I think it started out that way,” Bianca admits. “Things are just like...I feel more myself when I’m with her. It’s like being with you.”

“Are you hitting on me now?”

“No,” Bianca laughs. “I just mean that like...I don’t know, the attraction is always there, right? But also, we’re friends.”

“You’re not friends with Jared?”

“It’s just...different with him. It’s more tense. More...complicated.”

“Couldn’t that just be a case of...you know, the grass is always greener on the other side?”

“It could be…” Bianca pauses thoughtfully, sipping her wine.

“Because you know, every relationship is complicated. But there’s a reason that you guys are still together, right? I mean, he suffered through that endless engagement. That means something.”

“It does. But Courtney-that’s her name, by the way.”

“Courtney,” Latrice mimics in a Valley-girl accent, making Bianca laugh a little. “Ugh. You would fall for a Courtney.”

Bianca smirks, then sighs. “Well, for starters, she doesn’t make me feel like my career is a pointless waste of time…”

Latrice opens her mouth, but then stops. It had been a throwaway comment, but something about it made her pause. For years, all Latrice heard about was how much Jared worshipped Bianca. His endless love and affection and understanding. The idea of him thinking that anything she does is a ‘pointless waste of time’ is...incongruous in a way that makes a giant red flag flash for Latrice. She tilts her head, careful to pay extra attention to what Bianca is saying, and particularly the way she’s fidgeting, the anxious look in her eyes.

“...and, I guess...spending time with her made me realize how often I’m walking on pins and needles around Jared. He’s so moody, and I...I thought it was me. You know, because I can be...”

Latrice frowns.

“You can be what?”

“I mean, I push people’s buttons. I’m not sensitive, and I make people upset. You know, you’ve seen it,” Bianca sighs.

“What are you talking about, B?”

“Well, like, remember in high school, with Alyssa?” Bianca begins tearing up the napkin in her hands.

“Yeah, I remember Alyssa, but what-”

“You know, I would say the wrong thing, trying to be funny or whatever, and she’d like, lose it. Remember? I was always making her cry, or-”

“Bianca, Alyssa was crazy. Like, legit bonkers. That wasn’t your fault, at all.” Latrice reaches out to grasp her hand.

“But I made it worse. I mean, I certainly didn’t help,” Bianca insists.

“Okay, sure. Because you were 17 years old. Not a mental health care professional. It still wasn’t your fault.”

Bianca looks down, and Latrice swallows.

“What does this have to do with Jared, though? Does he...I mean, is he as volatile as her? Because-”

“No, of course not.”

“So…”

Bianca takes a deep breath.

“He just...sometimes...gets...upset, and angry. Really angry, and I…it makes me...” Bianca wipes a tear from the corner of her eye. “It’s unsettling, like I don’t know...when the rug’s gonna be yanked out from under my feet, and…and I don’t know if it would be right to bring a child into that...”

Latrice moves closer to her on the sofa, something clicking in her mind and filling her with fear and guilt. She feels like the worst friend in the world for not seeing it, for believing the stories, for failing to probe deeper before now. She squeezes Bianca’s hand a little, before asking softly, “B...has he ever hurt you?”

“No! God, no. Forget it, this is...I’m obviously just being dramatic, you know, so-”

“But he makes you feel...scared?”

“Not scared, exactly. Just...uneasy. Sometimes. I’m blowing this totally out of proportion. Probably just, like, to ease my own guilt about being a shitty wife who pisses him off and then fantasizes about my coworker like a dumb fucking-”

“Okay! Okay, so, let’s say, for a second, that you’re not blowing things out of proportion.”

“But I am. I mean you thought I was trying to say that he-” Bianca’s breath hitches. “He would never-”

“Okay.” Latrice holds up her hands. She can see that the vulnerable part of their conversation is over, and she doesn’t want to push Bianca any more, so instead she gets down to business. “I believe you. But...if things get worse, or...have you thought about what you would actually do? Where you would go? Do you have your own bank account, credit cards? Is everything joint, or-”

“Latrice, stop. This is ridiculous, I’m not some battered wife who needs-”

“No, but...you still might want to leave, at some point, so...didn’t you sign a pre-nup? What if he tries to claim that you cheated? Are his parents vindictive? We know the answers to all of these questions and you are totally fucked. You need to open a bank account, stat.”

Bianca looks down, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m not leaving, I already know that. And you were the one defending him ten minutes ago, so I don’t understand-”

“I know! I know, but...this is just a safety net, okay? Plan B. In case things get worse and you need... Look, Plan A is still that you stay married, and work out whatever you need to, and have a long life and beautiful children who will grow up as spoiled as your horrible little rat dogs.”

Bianca begins to laugh through her tears, crawling into Latrice’s arms.

“Why do I do this? Why do I ruin things?”

“Hey.” Latrice takes Bianca’s face in her hands. “I’m sorry if it felt like I was taking his side over yours...I’m on your side, always, okay?”

Bianca nods, letting her friend rock her, stroking her hair and telling her that everything is going to work out.

***

“Oh man,” Bianca groans, sinking into her bed. The dogs are going crazy, smelling everything and jumping all over her. “You guys excited to be home? Huh?” she asks, scratching Dede behind the ears.

“Not as excited as I am to have you back…” Jared says, sliding in beside her.

Bianca turns to look at him. Maybe there was something to that whole ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ after all. She smiles and runs her fingers through his hair.

“So...you missed me?”

“Like crazy,” Jared murmurs, nuzzling closer.

For a moment, Bianca feels utterly content, sleepy eyes falling closed. But then, as his hands move to her fly, popping the button, she wriggles away, sitting up a little.

“Seriously? It’s been over 2 months,” Jared whines, pulling her back down.

“I know, but I’m just...I’ve been traveling all day. I’m exhausted, and I feel filthy, and-”

“I like you filthy,” he growls into her ear. “Come on…”

“Jared…” she pushes him away harder.

“Fine! I got the fucking hint. You don’t have to be such a…” he scoffs. “Forget it.”

“I’m sorry. I just need to like, rest and then shower, and-”

“Whatever, Bianca. I’m a monster for wanting to have sex with my wife. Message received.” He rises from the bed.

Bianca doesn’t have the energy to chase after him. Not today. She falls back against the pillows with a groan.

***

They have a luxurious three weeks to prep season two of Silver Screens, and by the first shoot day, Bianca’s confidence in her work is soaring. Beth has trusted her more than ever, and she’s now designing nearly half of the costumes on the show. But as good as she feels about her job, nothing compares to the heart-bursting joy she feels when the trailer door swings open and Courtney comes flying into her arms, practically knocking her over.

“Hey!” Bianca says, hugging her tightly. She inhales deeply, loving the way Courtney melts into her arms, face tucked into the crook of her neck as if it belongs there. An embarrassing heat creeps into her cheeks as she pulls back a little. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good! Just got back from that music video shoot in Seattle. What about you? How was Atlanta? I’m so proud of you!”

“It was good. You know me, I love to boss people around.”

“And you’re so good at it,” Courtney says, still gripping both of her hands tightly. She glances down and then says, “Hey, where’d your nails go?”

“Oh, uh. Yeah, they kept breaking, so…” Bianca’s usual French tips have been replaced by short, shiny red nails.

“Hmm. I like these a lot better.” Her eyes dance mischievously. “They’re, uh...very practical.”

“Is your mind always in the gutter?” Bianca asks, cheeks burning, palms itching. She has an instinct to rip her hands away, but doesn’t.

“What?! I just said I like them,” Courtney giggles, squeezing Bianca’s fingers, gazing up at her with glittering eyes. “So, are we gonna hang out before the season starts to kick your ass? I really missed you.”

Bianca clears her throat and pulls up a stool, trying to cover the fact that she’s literally weak at the knees.

“Uh...sure...”

“Are you free Saturday?” Courtney asks.

“Actually, no. One of Jared’s douchey coworkers is having a barbecue, let’s-get-fucked-up-cause-it’s-summer type thing. And I promised his fiancée that I’d go, so...ugh. Saturday with the bros.”

“Sounds enchanting,” Courtney laughs.

“You should come!” Bianca blurts out, and then adds, “I mean, if you want. Willam is gross but he does know how to throw a party. And the house is supposed to be really cool, so...”

“That is an enticing offer…” Courtney tilts her head, pretending to think it over.

Bianca leans in. “I’m not gonna beg.”

“Well, that spoils all the fun,” Courtney tells her, eyes glimmering.

“Ha ha. Nevermind-”

“B…” Courtney places a hand on her shoulder. “You had me at ‘douchey coworker.’”

#rpdr fanfiction #bianca del rio #courtney act #bitney #latrice royale #lesbian au #slow burn #fluff #angst #undone #stephanie #veronica #tw emotional abuse #concrit welcome

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enbouton · 7 years ago

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Better Call Saul Rewatch, Part 1/30: They Called Him Slippin’ Jimmy

Late last month, I decided to rewatch all of BCS and post about it, one episode at a time, every day during the 30 days leading up to the premiere. The elements of this plan that proved problematic were “post” and “one episode at a time”, but we’ve still got three weeks, so let’s do this. I’m not much of a critic; this is going to be mostly just a bundle of thoughts and observations. There will also be a key to references in the dialogue, notes on locations and the timeline, and probably a lot of gushing over beautiful frames, because there are many (see above! look at that! look at it!!!). The tag will be #bcs rewatch, for your following/blocking needs.

Uno (Season 1, Episode 1)

Written by Vince Gilligan & Peter Gould / Directed by Vince Gilligan

If the Cinnabon sequence constitutes fanservice, I don’t care, because it’s brilliant.

BCS uses a lot of intense chiaroscuro, and it starts in the scene at Gene’s apartment. Details— the ice in the glass, the white label on the bottle of Scotch— are highlighted, the rest of the picture is subdued. There’s also a gorgeous softness to the black-and-white images. Overheard on the TV as Gene pours: a woman cheerily saying “Well, from time to time, people make mistakes, that’s okay!”

There’s a bit of Breaking Bad-style handheld camera here, which stands out because it’s mostly absent from the rest of the show. In Gene’s living room we have the first appearance of glass block windows, about which blogger Marc Valdez wrote an excellent piece (Streamline Moderne and Jimmy McGill).

“No charge is too big for me!” says Saul, on the tape that Gene is watching in hiding with his blinds closed. :(

(In this episode, Jimmy’s personae are introduced in reverse chronological order: first Gene, then Saul Goodman, then James M. McGill Esquire, then Slippin’ Jimmy.)

It’s May 13, 2002, and the courtroom scene— beautifully paced, by the way— is one of the most distinctly Vince Gilligan scenes that ever Vince Gilliganed. The stenographer loudly slurping on her Big Gulp, the attorney using her legal pad to draw a shirtless man on a unicorn, the prosecutor silently wheeling in the TV in response to Jimmy’s argument, and most of all, the horrifying punchline.

When we first encounter Jimmy— as opposed to Gene or Saul— he’s pacing in the men’s room, muttering about how people shouldn’t be punished for whatever stupid things they did when they were young. Hmm. The three defendants sit there, chastened and nervous in ill-fitting ties, as Jimmy does an excellent job of talking around what it is they actually did. No one got hurt! It wasn’t trespassing, the business was open day and night! “I don’t think they deserve to have their bright futures ruined by a momentary, minute, never-to-be-repeated lapse in judgment,” he tells the jury.

I’m jumping ahead here, but where do you think Jimmy would have ended up if the whole Chicago sunroof incident never happened? I mean, he wouldn’t have gone to Albuquerque, he wouldn’t have become a lawyer… do you think he was happy just running small-time cons and smoking weed at age c. 30?

Anyway, as soon as we see the boys in the mortuary, let alone hear the sawing, we know the case is unwinnable. Jimmy collects his meagre paycheck and stalks out to his car. The show teases us a bit by putting a white pearlescent Cadillac front and centre in the frame before panning across to a battered 1998 Suzuki Esteem (aside: that car is awfully beat up for being only four years old). I love the car, by the way. The colour and the mismatched door are perfect.

The Kettlemans, who could have stepped straight out of an episode of Fargo (as Julie Ann Emery in fact did!), introduce the theme of denial of reality. They’re the innocent victims of a misunderstanding, you see. Craig’s business practices are “beyond reproach”. The missing money is a “discrepancy”. While Craig is amenable to hiring Jimmy, Betsy won’t have it; needing a lawyer would imply guilt, after all. Bob Odenkirk plays Jimmy’s barely-hidden desperation very well. He looks literally and figuratively hungry as Craig prepares to sign.

I want to take a moment to comment on Dave Porter’s score, which helps set Better Call Saul apart from Breaking Bad. The two scores are similar enough to provide continuity, but where Breaking Bad’s music is full of mechanical sounds, drones, saws and reverberations, the music of Better Call Saul has a much warmer timbre, more traditional instrumentation and a more naturalistic sound. (The best side-by-side comparison I can think of is “Dead Freight” versus “Border Crossing”— similar themes, similar rhythm and tempo, completely different feels.) The use of flute and harp stands out in particular— you’d never hear those instruments used in the same way in an episode of Breaking Bad.

One of this episode’s most effective individual beats is Cal coming out of nowhere and hitting Jimmy’s windshield, which manages to be startling even when you know it’s coming. It’s the distraction factor: preoccupy the audience with new information (Jimmy’s card was declined) and then fling a skateboarder into the frame. Jimmy, his windshield broken (can we call that a Breaking Bad reference?), limps home.

The lighting in Jimmy’s office is just gorgeous. This show unreasonably romanticises broke lawyers living in salon backrooms. We learn that Jimmy has a host of “past due” bills— wireless, Visa, library, Diner’s Club, phone— and then get a brilliant hook in the form of a check for $26,000 (dated May 9, 2002, for those of us tracking this stuff) that he promptly rips up, scowling.

Everything about the offices of Hamlin, Hamlin & McGill is so composed, right down to the five-note elevator chime. Blue and wood panelling predominate. I’ll have more to say about colours later on.

The boardroom scene is a beautiful piece of exposition, establishing characters and relationships bit by bit without spelling anything out. Chuck is someone close to Jimmy, and Hamlin, a senior partner at HHM, is giving Chuck money. He’s paying it into Jimmy’s account because Chuck isn’t capable of going to the bank, for some reason. Chuck helped build the firm, but he doesn’t work there any more and Jimmy thinks he never will again. Hamlin, on the other hand, believes Chuck can overcome his situation, and Jimmy dodges the question when asked whether Chuck really wants to be cashed out. The words “brother” and “illness” aren’t even used.

“If Chuck can call this an extended sabbatical, so can we”, Hamlin says— it’s not just Betsy Kettleman who’s engaging in a degree of denial (though the whole situation with Hamlin and Chuck’s illness becomes much more shaded and more complicated later on).

Let’s take another look at this incredible frame:

Kim and Jimmy share a cigarette. Seven words are spoken. Thus, their relationship is sketched out. See above re: exposition. We also see Kim literally clearing up after Jimmy after he takes his frustration out on the trash can, illustrating how they respectively deal with unfairness; he lashes out, she sets things straight.

Again in darkness, Jimmy arrives at Chuck’s house, stashes his phone and keys in the mailbox, and grounds himself on a piece of metal. (The air in Albuquerque is so dry that it’s very easy to build up a static charge. I was constantly getting zapped by door handles.) Chuck, noticing Jimmy’s discontent, instinctively asks him if he’s “in trouble”, which must sting.

Good Lord the lighting is beautiful.

Chuck does have a point about what would happen if he were to cash out of HHM. Jimmy doesn’t seem to see past the initial payout. What they’re really arguing about, beyond money, is whether or not Chuck is ever going to recover from his unspecified illness. The way his voice breaks on “I’m going to get better!” is rough.

“Your friend Kim— a promising career, over and done with.” Not to read too much into this phrasing, but it sounds almost like Chuck thinks that if Kim lost her job at HHM it would be the end of her entire career. As if the firm is only keeping her there out of charity.

“But Jimmy, wouldn’t you rather build your own identity?” Oh, Chuck, if you only knew.

The next scene plunges us into sunlight. Jimmy has tracked down the skateboarders and we get a foundational piece of his backstory: he used to make money running slip-and-fall scams on the icy sidewalks of his hometown, and now he wants the boys to take a hit from Betsy Kettleman so that he can parachute into her good graces. Jimmy, apparently, has been observing Betsy closely enough that he knows where her kids go to school, what time she leaves to pick them up, and what route she takes. I mean, okay.

The hit-and-run happens at 7th Street and Tijeras Avenue, very close to the school where Jimmy & crew film the flag in season 2, and a short distance west of the courthouse district and the Civic Plaza. This whole sequence is such a glorious comedy of errors, and it showcases perfectly Jimmy’s ability to think on his feet. I mean, it’s also true that if he’d aborted the plan when “Betsy Kettleman” had driven off, he never would have ended up hog-tied in the desert pleading for his life, but those are unknown unknowns, I suppose.

“You felonied my brother!" is possibly one of my favourite lines of the season.

Who among us saw Tuco coming? None. None of us. I gasped. It was very considerate of the show to release the next episode immediately.

Miscellaneous

While most of the addresses shown on screen in BCS are fictionalised, the address shown on Jimmy’s mail—160 Juan Tabo Boulevard NE— is the actual IRL location of the nail salon.

Items in Gene’s shoebox: the videotape, an old Band-Aid container, various photos including one of a man standing in front of a 1940s-style car, and a photo packet from a film lab in Portland, Maine

Broken windshields: 2

New Mexico Statutes violated: 3— § 30-28-2, conspiracy to commit felony fraud (Jimmy, Cal and Lars); § 66-7-202, failing to stop after an accident causing damage to a vehicle (Mrs. Salamanca); § 30-3-2, aggravated assault (Tuco)

Timeframe: May 13 to May 25, 2002 (see next post)

Music

“Address Unknown” by the Ink Spots (1939), during the Cinnabon sequence

“Milestones” by Shook (2014), as the twins attempt to scam Betsy

References

Network: a 1976 film about a news anchor who begins ranting about the state of the world during a broadcast. The character whom Jimmy quotes (”You have meddled with the primal forces of nature...!”) is a man who berates the protagonist for speaking out against his network’s corporate owners. Bryan Cranston starred in the 2017 stage adaptation.

Peter Minuit: a Dutch trader who purchased the island of Manhattan from the Lenape people for a sum equalling about $1,000 in today’s money

“Ergo, a falsis principiis proficisci”: “therefore, you proceed from false principles"

Trichinosis: a parasitic disease most often spread via undercooked pork

Starlight Express: an Andrew Lloyd Webber rock musical performed on rollerskates

> NEXT EPISODE: MIJO

#bcs rewatch #better call saul

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frenchfriesandvinegar · 4 years ago

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School

This is my second Tumblr post! Yesterday I posted one thing; my goal was two, but that’s fine. Today’s topic seems pretty unoriginal, and, to be honest it is. Yesterday I really wanted to make a text post, and I probably should’ve. I just don’t want to push myself to do a blog every single day then get burnt out. That’s what happened when I tried to do a journal over the summer. I lasted a good month or so, but my entries were getting shorter (the first and second day I had a lot to cover, because I needed to explain everything), but then they gradually got shorter and shorter, until they were like 2 sentences long. I got discouraged, and I wanted to start again at the beginning of the year, but I never got to it.

So anyways. School. That’s today’s topic, after all. I lived in South America until I was about 5, but I can’t say exactly how I did in school off the top of my head. I don’t remember much, but from what I do remember, I was always marked late. Essentially, school started at 7:45 or something, but the students had to arrive there by 7:30 to be marked “early” (they stamped a little booklet- red if you were late and blue if you were early. I never arrived by 7:30 unless my dad took me, once in a blue moon. It ended up being a little bit of an embarrassment. I didn’t want my dad to see that I always arrived “late.”

One thing I was proud about, however, was my ability to speak English, when most of my classmates were just starting learning it. I probably couldn’t hold a conversation completely in English, but I could understand my dad (who is Canadian) and I had a pretty extensive vocabulary. Anyway, I moved here when I was 5 or 6, and I started school in January (I was put in kindergarten, even though I had already finished it). This was because the year in the school I went to in South America ended at Christmastime and began in March. So they thought I wouldn’t be advanced enough to be put in first grade, where I belonged. My parents talked to the school about moving me up, but the school kept insisting that I should just be placed in the gifted program. The principal intervened and I was eventually allowed to move up to first grade. I usually arrived “late.” The bell rang at 8:40 and we left at around 8:37. We would get there just as the bell was ringing and I had to sprint to try to catch a door so I could get in without being marked as late. The first day of first grade, however, I did arrive early, about 5 minutes before the class started. We stood out on the concrete near where the backpacks were, and waited until someone from the office came to greet us. She walked us over to the front office and seated us on a couch. And we waited. About 5 more minutes until the bell rang, when my teacher, Mrs. Teich, arrived. She was old, and in my mind, that meant she was mean. I gulped as my mom stood up to shake her hand. I was going to be put in the care of HER? She ended up being nice, and she asked me a few basic questions as we walked down the hallway into the classroom. What was my name? Where did I come from?

My English wasn’t that strong, and I was very stressed. I was starting to cry by the time we arrived. My teacher seated me next to a boy, who is now one of my best friends… still! I remember that we sat at the back of the classroom, and that he was reading a Jack and Annie book about Pompeii. The year wasn’t that eventful, although I had a little trouble with math, which ended up being pretty easy for me anyway. I like to tell people that I started reading Jack and Annie books in first grade (which would be considered advanced for a child that age), although I don’t think that’s true. One last thing happened at the end of the school year; Mrs. Teich had put together a little video with lots of pictures from throughout the school year. Of course, I wasn’t here for most of it (I started first grade in February), but people kept asking me if I remembered those events. I said yes and yes and yes, even though there were only two photos of events I was actually there for. Second grade was a little more stressful, with the introduction of AR. Accelerated Reader. It was a program where you would read a book irl, and then take a quiz on it! It was a straightforward concept, but my English wasn’t that good and I wasn’t very interested in reading books. But my dad REALLY wanted me to take a quiz. I don’t think it was grade, exactly, but at least I think you could get a few extra credit points. With one of my friends, Oliver Williams, I would read a book called “100 Hungry Ants.” It was a fun book and it made me laugh a ton. I decided to try my hand at taking a quiz. I went on the app from a school iPad, searched up a book and it appeared. It was a gray background, and the book showed up. It was the only book on there. I waited. What was it doing? For some reason, I expected AR to automatically choose the book. I ended up figuring out that I had to click it, and I took the test. I got a 100%. After this contratempts, I started taking more and more quizzes. The next quiz I did got a 60%, but then I started getting pretty good scores and getting better at comprehension.

In third grade, I was looking forward to spending another year with Oliver, but he sadly moved away. I made friends with another Oliver (our moms had met through the PTO), and that year wasn’t that memorable. That’s the year I began to hate math, but that’s also the year I started to form my love for literature and writing. Up until fourth grade, my success in school wasn’t…. Anything really remarkable. I think I probably didn’t get C’s, but I don’t think I was a straight-A student. Fourth grade changed that. My new friend, Oliver, was really good at school, getting straight-A’s every year and he even got a million words in AR in third grade alone. He would always say “I’ve never gotten below an A” or “Oh no! I’m getting so close to a B!” It made me want to push myself so I could join in and share these “struggles.” My success in school is, and I don’t mean to brag, undeniable, but I never think so. I think of myself as more of a pseudo-straight-A student. It’s not that I bribe the teachers or anything, but the success doesn’t really come from a genuine place, and it feels like more it’s me just… I don’t even know. One thing good about myself is that I retain information from school very well, and that I remember about schoolwork very well, even if I was just passively listening. It seems to have saved me quite a few times.

Fifth grade was one of my happiest years, the teacher that I had was just so passionate and loving it was great. I started noticing that I loved geography, and that my reading craze was not stopping. This was also the first year I was in honors. I didn’t really like the teachers, and I felt like I didn’t really deserve to be there. On the first day, the teacher said that I was “very bright” because I took a palindrome from Weird Al Yankovich’s video “Bob.” Everyone was just so smart.

Sixth grade was another… fine year. I got a new honors teacher which I like a lot better than the first, and I got to a million words for the third year in a row. I had also managed to get all A’s and B’s (but mostly A’s) for the last three years. I was faced by a choice at the end of 6th grade. Pretty much everyone from my school was going to Explorer Middle School, but there was another school called Sunrise that had a special program for “gifted” students. Explorer had much better electives, but Sunrise had a special program and 1 of my 2 best friends was already going there no matter what. I could tell my dad really wanted me to go to Explorer, but I really wanted to go to Sunrise. I pushed for Sunrise, even though it disappointed my dad. My seventh grade year was fine, I kept up the A’s and B’s and even made a few friends, which was starting to get rare. That’s where I am now, distance learning. I find it very hard to focus, whether it’s searching something up or looking out the window, but, on the bright side, I can wake up at 7 even and still make it on time, not even mentioning the 10 minute brakes we get in between classes.

My sister recently took the gifted quiz, and she actually did better than me. She had tried more times than me, and she had just, for the first time, been able to qualify for “gifted.” Although I congratulate her, I can’t help but discredit her a little. The difference between my passing of the test and hers was that she had access to tons of training books. Books made for parents that NEEDED their kids to pass the test, and I did not. Now my dad is pushing for my sister to go to Sunrise, whereas last year he was pushing me to go to Explorer. My sister wants to go the latter. I feel bad for her. Just this year she was taken from the normal class (where she wants to be) and was put in the “self-contained” program, where they don’t switch classes and my sister can’t be with her friends (which none of them have passed the test). My sister wanted to go into honors (where only math and reading are in a special class).

I’m sorry for the rant, and that this entry is so long (if anyone’s reading this). Yesterday my post was liked by Cheezbot, which I was excited about until I noticed it was a bot :/

See you next time!

#school #teenager #gifted #AR

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sheminecrafts · 5 years ago

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IRL pivots into virtual event calendar In Remote Life

What do you do if you’re an event discovery startup and suddenly it’s illegal to attend events? You lean into the cultural shift and pivot. Today, $11 million-funded calendar app IRL is morphing from In Real Life to In Remote Life. It will now focus on helping people find, RSVP for, plan, share and chat about virtual events, from live-streamed concerts to esports tournaments to Zoom cocktail parties.

Coronavirus could make IRL relevant to a wider audience because before an event “only mattered if it was around you. But now with In Remote Life, content has no geographical limitations,” says IRL co-founder and CEO Abe Shafi. “The need is exponentially greater because everyone’s routines have been shattered.” IRL ranked No. 138 in the U.S. App Store today, making it the top calendar app, even above Google’s (No. 168).

Robinhood’s Josh Elman joins IRL

IRL has some fresh product development talent to lead it through the transition. The startup has hired stock trading app Robinhood’s VP of Product Josh Elman . The former Greylock investor is well known for his product chops from jobs at Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Elman joined Robinhood in early 2018 but left late last year, notably before its rash of recent outages that enraged users.

“I just realized more than anything that the company needed people who had 110% to give, and it wasn’t clear that was going to be me,” Elman said of Robinhood, now valued at $7.6 billion and struggling to scale. “My first passions and all the things I’ve talked about over the years have been social and media.”

For now, IRL is a part-time gig, where he’ll be heading up a Secret Projects division. While most apps “try to suck more of our time,” he sees IRL as a chance to give this precious resource back to people. Though he insists “Robinhood’s great, I’m a very happy shareholder.”

Events without borders

“We were on a tear, hitting a stride with usaging and growth related to real life events,” says Shafi. “Then this happened,” motioning on our Zoom call to the COVID-19 reality we’re now stuck in. “We realized we had to pull all of our content because it wasn’t happening.”

Today IRL’s iOS app launches a redesign of its Discover home screen content to center on virtual events people can attend from home. There’s now tabs for gaming, podcasts, TV and EDU, as well as music, food, lifestyle and a catch-all “fun” section. Each event can be added to your calendar that syncs with Google Cal, or Liked to add it to your profile that friends and fans can follow. You also can instantly launch a group chat about the event in IRL, or share it to Instagram Stories or another messaging app.

If you can’t find something public to do, you can make plans with friends using the composer with suggestions like “Let’s video chat,” “Zoom workout,” “gaming sesh” or “Netflix party.” That instantly sets up a calendar event you can invite people to. And if you’re not sure when you want to host, IRL’s “Soon” option lets you keep the schedule vague so you and friends can figure out when everyone’s available. Indeed, 50% of IRL plans start out as “Soon,” Shafi reveals, identifying a gap in rigid time/date calendars.

Beyond individual events, IRL also wants to make it easier to develop habits by letting you subscribe to workout, meditation and other schedules. With sports seasons suspended, IRL lets people sync with calendars of hip-hop album releases and more instead. Or you can subscribe to an influencer’s life and digitally accompany them to events. The goal is that IRL will be able to merge offline events back into its content recommendations as social distancing subsides.

The biggest challenge for IRL will be tuning its event recommendation algorithm. It has lost a lot of the traditional relevance signals about events, like how close they are to your home, how much they cost or if they’re even in your city. Transitioning to In Remote Life means a global range of happenings is now available to everyone, and because they’re often free to host, many lonely low-quality events have sprung up. That makes it much tougher for IRL to determine what to show.

For now, it’s basing recommendations on what you engage with most on its home screen, but I found that can make the initial experience very hit-or-miss. The top events in each category were rarely exciting. But IRL is planning to beef up its onboarding process to ask about your interests, and integrate with Spotify so it knows which musicians’ online concerts you’d want to attend.

Still, Shafi thinks IRL is already better than asocial alternatives. “Our main age range is 13 to 25, college and post-college metropolitan areas and across college campuses. Our average user has never used a calendar before, or they’ve just used a default calendar like Gcal or iCal.

A cure for loneliness

Hopefully, IRL will take a more serious swing at helping friends realize they’re free at the same time and can hang out. While Down To Lunch failed in this space, now Facebook Messenger and Instagram are exploring it with their auto-status feature, and location apps like Snap Map and Zenly could adapt to share not just where you are, but if you have the intention to hang out.

“How can we use just a little bit of nudging, transparency or suggestion to get people to just do one more thing per month?,” Shafi asks. IRL is trying to figure out how to let you passively share that “I have 2 hours free” in a way that “never makes you feel rejected if they don’t respond.”

Facebook did launch a standalone Events calendar app back in 2016, but later paired down the calendaring features, folded it in with restaurant recommendations and renamed it Local. “As big as Facebook is, it can only do so many things insanely well,” Elman says of his old employer. “They could do more [on Events], but it’s never been the juggernaut like photos.”

Shafi is happy to have the opportunity in such a foundational space. He describes the concept of the calendar as one he’s sure will outlive him, so it’s worth the effort to make it social no matter how long it takes — though I’m sure his investors like Goodwater Capital, Founders Fund, Kleiner Perkins and Floodgate hope it’ll find a way to monetize eventually.

Revenue could come in the form of selling access to events through the app, or letting promoters and local businesses pay for enhanced discovery. For now, though, IRL is building a deeper connection with event and content publishers with the upcoming launch of its free Add To Calendar button they can build into their sites and emails. Elman says several services charge for these buttons that integrate with Apple and Google’s calendars, but IRL hopes giving them away will help fill its app with things to do, whatever that might be.

“Our tagline is ‘live your best life.’ It’s not judgmental. If your best life is playing video games on your couch with your homies, we don’t judge you for that.”

from iraidajzsmmwtv https://ift.tt/2R9AZE6 via IFTTT

#IFTTT #iraidajzsmmwtv

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magzoso-tech · 5 years ago

Text

IRL pivots into virtual event calendar In Remote Life

New Post has been published on https://magzoso.com/tech/irl-pivots-into-virtual-event-calendar-in-remote-life/

IRL pivots into virtual event calendar In Remote Life

Robinhood’s Josh Elman joins IRL

IRL has some fresh product development talent to lead it through the transition. The startup has hired stock trading app Robinhood’s VP of Product Josh Elman. The former Greylock investor is well known for his product chops from jobs at Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Elman joined Robinhood in early 2018 but left late last year, notably before its rash of recent outages that enraged users.

Events without borders

A cure for loneliness

“Our tagline is ‘live your best life.’ It’s not judgmental. If your best life is playing video games on your couch with your homies, we don’t judge you for that.”

#Miscellaneous

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monolid-monologues · 6 years ago

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detox,

#11.

Putting words to it, when i have no idea what is happening. when i feel consumed but can't look in that direction. avoiding? waiting? sinking.

i feel like i haven't been home in a month. (truth is, it's actually monthS). i wake up, leave, come back, leave, come back, sleep. one weekend here, there, somewhere else, spend my day in the office, live my life in weekends...

this has been my home for half a year now.

Home is my mom's. home is where i stay to pay student loans instead of rent. it's the station where i shower, and....eat, sometimes.. (not as much as i'd like). it's the address for all my paperwork. home is where i make a mess, clean, then make another mess. Home is where i get ready to go out. This home feels un-lived by me who lives there. My relatives are in town for 2 months, and my house comes alive. and 'How to be at home" - it's like learning how to walk.

My visiting grandma will say, "none of us get to see you much" -- and it sounds like a grandma kind of thing to say. -- so i didn’t think too much of it. i haven't seen my grandma, aunt, and cousin in over ten years. and now they're here for two months, now i see my grandma every morning before i leave for work, all of us have dinner once a week, i get to detangle the mythos i've construed all this time spun by my childhood traumas (and it's time to reckon with the way my problems lie within/inside Me). their visit is a critical light between me and them -- and, she’s onto something. We might have spent more time together in 1 month than in 10+ years combined but i am mostly slipping in & out week after week. My absence from home is second nature.

i wonder what home means to me.

i'm not home much. i haven't been home much. i've never been the type to be home much. this isn't to say that i don't spend time at home. on the contrary, i love the safety. and, most of all, i love the privacy. home is a sacred place. and in it, is my private space. But, that’s why even when i'm home, i've never been "home" lol, you know, like Being Around the House, like out in the open, at home like it’s a community space.

When i was younger, only under very particular circumstances did my parents or my brother come into my room. and they never stayed too long (i don't think i made them feel too welcome, either).

And needless to say, it was not a house with a lot of people comfortably, casually coming and going. With all our secrets, having people over was always a formalized occasion. Nothing too casual about it. So that nothing could ever be too real. Unless everyone else was gone.

i preferred being home alone. being left alone in my room. or leaving the house altogether. escape whenever possible.

i found solace in the privacy of my room. i loved the familiarity, freedom, fantasy that a personal space could hold. my room could be full of my dreams, desires, inner truths. my room could let me live. as well, getting out of the house let me live. but being around the house like a willing participant in this home? didn’t happen.

the common spaces in my home were first and foremost:empty. and full of sadness. the kitchen, angry. the living room, stiff. the staircase and hallways, lonely. i chose to disengage and lived my life leaving the house or hiding in the house.

so a home, as a genuine community space, was foreign to me. to be “at home” escapes me now.

ever since i could leave, to live, i left.

* * *

this weekend, i went to Davis. I saw the play my friends produced, The Bachelorette. it left me with a pounding migraine. this story sat me down, and i watched a group of people fester in their toxic habits. i witnessed the loop of damaged people damaging themselves further, all these hurt ass people summoning their addictions to ward off the change. i realized that this loop will take all of them to their grave unless someone snaps out of it. the violence of forsaking better choices. the addiction to self-denigration, and those who will self-harm with us.

i saw myself and my track record i saw myself and a part of my identity i've had trouble growing out of. i know i am growing out of it, but, it's ridiculously slow, and i'm frightened that there does exist something inside me that desires self-destruction. Self-harm.

Honesty, honesty, honesty What am i feeling, what am i doing, what am i feeding myself.. What am i sabotaging? Where am i stuck? The stakes….my dreams..my goals..my integrity. my character. my work ethic. Postgrad transitioning feelin sooooo fkng vulnerable to EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. Everything i do, everyone i share time with, every decision i make or don’t make. it all feels so fking formative. i feel like an open wound

(-- from Oct 7, 2018)

A bout of insane nausea jumps me at an inconspicuously mundane hour yesterday. Everything in this moment feels so uncomfortable. my own bones. i think a dark hole found me. i feel rudely stretched. twisting just before the ripping point. and i'm afraid i won't snap back.

into the person i was. the person i've been. the version of me i know and have loved very well. It's this uninvited change vacating the parts i don't need, but may want.

Raw, pink flesh peeks through the crust. i am frantic for what anchors me, holds me down.

i want to vomit. i feel so sick. both in awe of my transforming and reviled by the inertia. if i could put my fingers down my throat, induce my own yack, beat my own intoxication, force myself sober. eject, like, spiritual barf... What's the way to do that IRL?

* * *

me: "did you see my thirst trap"

robin: *cringe*

me: (on instagram) look

robin: *nope*

me: except it's not for anyone, so it's not really a trap

robin: *changes topic*

kkkkkkeekekekekekekkekkekeke

I'm referencing a photo i took of myself during my bath. relaxed, alone, and in my vibes. when i'm loathe to disrupt my interior, but am in the mood to be seen. Like, literally sending a message to no one in particular. Because in such a moment, it's not so much about who sees you, but that you are decidedly visible. But only through your phone, with a photo, because the distance is nice. i can't be touched i can't be accessed in that dangerous puncturing way i'm much less vulnerable i am kind of hiding, kind of not? i am simulatenously revealing and concealing, in what seems to me a guarded celebration of this side of me that desires, performs, instigates. wishes to poke, prod, excite, stimulate.

I take and post plenty of selfies, Reveal myself My desire My signaling that I care to show this side of me, that I don’t care to be shy about certain sides of me, But with guard -- an arm's length distance that i could drop, or extend, in one second.

As you are protected too, you know, as we are when we gaze at the other through a lens. we get to brush past the other, and even really SEE THEM, without the level of consequence, and the weight of responsibility that exists in real life.

Kind of a dangerous practice isn’t it. Lol.

here's a picture of me for you to look at. not that you have to. not that you might. but if you will......

here's a picture of you i am looking at. not that i must. not that i will again. but since i am.........

* * *

i feel weak. and raw. funny enough, this may be the strongest i have ever been. i don't know what to do with myself. this is wilderness tempered by patience and injury. Lately my interior energy is feeling harsh, torrid, tempestuous. even for me. maybe that's why the nausea, the headaches.

maybe it’s the kicking of a spoiled spirit. i hate denying myself familiar pleasures. i am uncomfortable because i am treating myself as fragile.

when we can feel how tender we are, the fresh cuts in our hearts, this must be the sign to protect ourselves. to be wary of yourself. especially if you have a history of self-harm.

it is necessary that we heighten our watchfulness over our actions and reactions and carry ourselves delicately, because we're in delicate times. Precarious.

What keeps me from what hurts me is my faith in my future.

It's honestly so disturbing, it rocks and writhes underneath my skin, my voracity for Chaos and Mess, my rabid latent aching for trouble.............

Fuck-ing-shit, i am trying to allow the fragility to lead. So what is small is empowered. To be small, and to take small steps, and to healthfully inch forward, when all you want to do is leap and crashhhhh a mile away from the nauseating place you're at right now.

There’s some relation here between my home life, healing, and resisting recklessness. i know i didn’t quite get there... If there’s anything you’re stuck on: http://monolid-monologues.tumblr.com/submit

* * *

i’ve committed to being vulnerable in writing every week.

previous letter: #10.) What’s so scary?

drop me a line

http://monolid-monologues.tumblr.com/ask

#tinyletter #detox

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uberchain · 8 years ago

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Rewind 2017: Post-Thoughts

I flew back in from California a few days ago after the last stage of filming for Ready Up, and the first TF2 LAN of 2017. In the past live Team Fortress 2 events I have been privileged to have been flown out to - i55, Tip of the Hats 2015, DHW 2015, DHS 2016, i58, and Tip of the Hats 2016 - I’ve never felt post-LAN blues like the seventh event I’ve attended thus far.

youtube

LAN, aside from a competition to see who is the best team out of all the teams competing in an equal playing ground, is a social gathering. A coming together of a community that has followed each other for a combined purpose. A forging of relationships with each other over a common passion, to know not simply players as players but players as people - as friends, as comrades, as partners, and as Redeye said: as family. This is something I would like to convey through Ready Up as we wrap up the filming stage and move forward into the editing stage from here on out. This is why me, Dashner, and Sideshow were flown out to Rewind.

Once it’s released, Ready Up may be my last major competitive TF2-related contribution. I’m in no rush to finish it, though. We’re going to take our time with it, most likely extending the date from early 2017 to late 2017 - we just want to make sure we do our best for our sponsor, the competitive community, and everyone who will watch. I am thankful for Dashner’s passion and knowledge for co-direction. I am thankful for Sideshow’s eloquence and confidence for co-interviewing. Both have taken time out of their jobs with OW for this.

I personally always want to show this community that they’re appreciated and loved, despite our differences and frustrations in how we view the same game we play. I work hard, because I feel like the community counts on me to deliver. I know I’m not obliged to do so, but I like to do so. I’ve been told numerous times that this in particular, this is not worth my energy. This is not worth my time for a community that in love is equal in hatred when you make a misstep. Some people have gone as far to tell me I’m clinically insane. These people could be right for all I care.

So what of my family then? The family one of the strongest figureheads in the esports community notices and praises fondly? When Dashner and I caught Redeye literally in the middle of ESL NY’s hallways amidst the tough and scary security, right outside the arena where the sound of matches bled out - standing in this hallway interviewing him then and there, we felt touched by his words. We were thankful for him remembering us past his stardom and status. Redeye has always tended to check in every now and again to smaller esports scenes, to see how they’re doing. It’s sweet and sincere, and knowing this was his nature made those words he gave us feel genuine to me.

ESA Rewind this last week was when I realized that I had said Ready Up would be my last major contribution to comp TF2. Like many others, bills are piling up. I owe debt. I’m rebuilding my design portfolio and figuring out the plan for 2017. There’s a lot of money I’ve invested into other future TF2-related projects I won’t ever see a return on from Valve or the TF2 community. I want to stay, but only if I can afford it (as do most sane people). As expected, the idea of never seeing my friends and family from here again is something I’m not readied up for.

Filming was wrapped on Friday after we arrived early for the European and Australian bootcamping and interviews, and B-roll was left to shoot on Saturday and Sunday, the actual game days. Dashner was manning the big guns for Ready Up (aka our expensive rentals), so I chose to focus on photo coverage for Teamfortress.tv. (There was a lack of photo coverage from i58 due to focus on Ready Up. I recruited Jasbutts and we went ham.) What I also chose to focus on was my international friends from Europe, and that’s when I got to learn more about Se7en.

Kaidus had approached me a while back to talk about his new organization and team he wanted to bring to America for Rewind, as well as future events and LANs. I recognized the Crowns champions, as well as my Full Tilt’s boys and the launching legend. He had named them Team Seven, a tongue-in-cheek response to the criticism Crowns Esports Club had faced back when Kaidus was more heavily involved in coaching it.

I like the storyline FROYOTECH presented for this LAN’s victory: they came back from their 3rd Place slump at i58 and proved that they were still one of the strongest teams to be reckoned with. Habib’s mother was there, who kept asking Jasbutts about how the game worked as she spectated it, and finally watched her son win. Nursey has successfully shut up a good narrow-minded portion of the community and became the first female TF2 player to win an international LAN in the highest bracket. Paddie and Freestate finally became part of the FROYOTECH victory roster.

As it usually goes, though, I root for the teams I’m asked to be involved with. This was on another level. I screamed my lungs out for Se7en. I knew their flaws and their criticisms. I didn’t care. It was like i55′s Ascent and i58′s Full Tilt. And some of these were Full Tilt. I liked Crowns way back then too. These were my boys. This was my team. I wanted them to win. This time, I knew their history and their players the most out of any team I had rooted for. European Prem TF2 was the scene I was watching the most at one point in my time here. FROYO got it in the end, and of course I didn’t want Se7en to lose, but I had a worse fear - I didn’t want them to leave.

Again, coincidentally - Rewind was the seventh TF2 live event I flew out to. It might be the last TF2 live event I see them at too. I didn’t realize how much I actually gave a shit about this until it hit me, that this could be the last time I’d see them play TF2. It could be the last time I’d see them attend a LAN, or go pro in another game. CS:GO or OW, maybe? I don’t know, I want them all to keep going and not...disappear? Jasmine Tea is disbanding, one of them is going off to focus on school. That also hurt, it’s always amazing having the Australians at a TF2 LAN. Yet this one for Se7en, why? My colleagues & friends feel similarly, but it’s like why do we feel like that? People come and go all the time. And underneath it all, I’m just a fan who does more shit than I should out of my love for this game and this community. What worth is my opinion?

Every time I run into Sideshow IRL, it’s uplifting to know he’s still around somewhere else. When we say our goodbyes, I usually make it a point to tell the dribbler, “let this not be the last time; we will see each other again”. It might be because we also cross paths in OW things, but it’s something I make a point to tell everybody in TF2 for my farewells, as an incentive. A promise.

I went to Blizzcon. Aside from the interviews we got there, I’ve talked to the ex-TF2 pros who have fire re-lit in their eyes, who are being appreciated, rewarded, and shine on in OW. I can’t be upset. I too was treated very well by Blizzard while I was there, to the point of tears. I don’t want to be another one of those TF2 fans who wants to hold back somebody from moving on to other opportunities, or telling them not to quit. If it’s outside of their priorities, then I’m not important, and TF2 is not important.

I understand more than ever after Blizzcon and Tip of the Hats when people need to go. There are other priorities in life. There are other things to pursue. This is why I remember telling him, “wherever your journeys may take you”. So why is it that - almost selfishly, as though I have rejected any concept of what I just learned about not holding people back, especially if I tell myself I have no significance to this player, this person I realized I ended up looking up to more than I thought - I wish I’d said, “please don’t leave yet”?

And it went similarly for many other people that I realized that, how much I looked up to them as players and colleagues, then as friends and family - and it’s like...the idea I might never see these people represent again. That I might never see these people again. That sense of absolute finale, knowing that all things eventually come to an end; knowing that people that you are proud to say are part of your life, your passion, your hope, could be temporary due to the distances you might not be able to bridge...

That every farewell hug I shared, every departing Uber I waved at, even my own Uber I was escorted to by the last friend I’d see before my flight as he turned around and walked away while my car drove off -

Fuck me, no. Not yet. It seems ridiculously melodramatic for real life. It’s almost laughable, the fact I haven’t learned. None of us have learned, to be honest. The idea of leaving for good, even on my end, never seeing those people again - I haven’t readied up for that at all.

Rewind it all for me. Take me back, remind me of why we fight so hard to attend these things. Whether you’re a player, a former pro, a production crewmember, LAN organizer holy shit the LAN organizers, or a spectator. The post-LAN blues and the LAN high that just overwhelm any sense of practical reasoning you had. And then we end up going back when we thought we were out, and we don’t learn - because we love this game too much. We love each other too much.

You desire the friendships and the relationships you’ve forged stronger together in the real world. Your heart aches to hear the laughter and see the smiles of the people you’ve befriended beyond the internet. You say shit like, “let this not be the last time, we’ll see each other again” so you can fight not just for the game, but for them. For your community.

#long post #thoughts crap #tf2 #comp tf2 #personal #in which i write the most utterly sappy bullshit to shake off before i resume kicking the world's ass before it kicks mine #portfolio here i come

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technicalsolutions88 · 5 years ago

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What do you do if you’re an event discovery startup and suddenly it’s illegal to attend events? You lean into the cultural shift and pivot. Today, $11 million-funded calendar app IRL is morphing from In Real Life to In Remote Life. It will now focus on helping people find, RSVP for, plan, share, and chat about virtual events from livestreamed concerts to esports tournaments to Zoom cocktail parties.

Coronavirus could make IRL relevant to a wider audience because before an event “only mattered if it was around you. But now with In Remote Life, content has no geographical limitations” says IRL co-founder and CEO Abe Shafi. “The need is exponentially greater because everyone’s routines have been shattered.” IRL ranked #138 in US App Store today, making it the top calendar app, even above Google’s (#168).

Robinhood’s Josh Elman joins IRL

IRL has some fresh product development talent to lead it through the transition. The startup has hired stock trading app Robinhood’s VP of Product Josh Elman. The former Greylock investor is well known for his product chops from jobs at Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Elman joined Robinhood in early 2018 but left late last year, notably before its rash of recent outages that enraged users.

“I just realized more than anything that the company needed people who had 110% to give, and it wasn’t clear that was going to be me” Elman said of Robinhood, now valued at $7.6 billion and struggling to scale. “My first passions and all the things I’ve talked about over the years have been social and media.”

For now, IRL is a part time gig where he’ll be heading up a Secret Projects division. While most apps “try to suck more of our time”, he sees IRL as a chance to give this precious resource back to people. Though he insists “Robinhood’s great I’m a very happy shareholder.

Events without borders

“We were on a tear, hitting a stride with usaging and growth related to real life events” says Shafi. “Then this happened”, motioning on our Zoom call to the COVID-19 reality we’re now stuck in. “We realized we had to pull all of our content because it wasn’t happening.”

Today IRL’s iOS app launches a redesign of its Discover homescreen content to center on virtual events people can attend from home. There’s now tabs for gaming, podcasts, TV, and EDU, as well as music, food, lifestyle, and a catch-all ‘fun’ section. Each event can be added to your calendar that syncs with Google Cal, or Liked to add it to your profile that friends and fans can follow. You can also instantly launch a group chat about the event in IRL, or share it to Instagram Stories or another messaging app.

If you can’t find something public to do, you can make plans with friends using the composer with suggestions like “Let’s video chat”, “Zoom workout”, “gaming sesh”, or “Netflix party”. That instantly sets up a calendar event you can invite people to. And if you’re not sure when you want to host, IRL’s “soon” option lets you keep the schedule vague so you and friends can figure out when everyone’s available. 50% of IRL plans start out as “Soon” Shafi reveals, identifying a gap in rigid time/date calendars.

Beyond individual events, IRL also wants to make it easier to develop habits by letting you subscribe to workout, meditation, and other schedules. With sports seasons suspended, IRL lets people sync with calendars of hip-hop album releases and more instead. Or you can subscribe to an influencer’s life and digitally accompany them to events. The goal is that IRL will be able to merge offline events back into its content recommendations as social distancing subsides.

The biggest challenge for IRL will be tuning its event recommendation algorithm. It’s lost a lot of the traditional relevance signals about events like how close they are to your home, how much they cost, or if they’re even in your city. Transitioning to In Remote Life means a global range of happenings is now available to everyone, and since they’re often free to host, many lonely low-quality events have sprung up. That makes it much tougher for IRL to determine what to show.

For now, it’s basing recommendations on what you engage with most on its homescreen, but I found that can make the initial experience very hit-or-miss. The top events in each category were rarely exciting. But IRL is planning to beef up its onboarding process to ask about your interests, and integrate with Spotify so it knows which musicians’ online concerts you’d want to attend.

A cure for loneliness

“How can we use just a little bit of nudging, transparency or suggestion to get people to just do one more thing per month?” Shafi asks. IRL is trying to figure out how to let you passively share that “I have 2 hours free” in a way that “never makes you feel rejected if they don’t respond.”

Facebook did launch a standalone Events calendar app back in 2016, but later paired down the calendaring features, folded it in with restaurant recommendations and renamed it Local. “As big as Facebook is, it can only do so many things insanely well” Elman says of his old employer. “They could do more [on Events], but it’s never been the juggernaut like photos.”

Shafi is happy to have the opportunity in such a foundational space. He describes the concept of the calendar as one he’s sure will outlive him, so it’s worth the effort to make it social no matter how long it takes — though I’m sure his investors like Goodwater Capital, Founders Fund, Kleiner Perkins, and Floodgate hope it’ll find a way to monetize eventually.

“Our tagline is ‘live your best life’. It’s not judgmental. If your best life is playing video games on your couch with your homies, we don’t judge you for that.”

from Social – TechCrunch https://ift.tt/2JxO71p Original Content From: https://techcrunch.com

#Technical Solutions #SEO #Online Earning #Youtube Marketing #Android Developer

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asenseofagency · 8 years ago

Text

5/9/17

Unpacking jealousy today.

I’ve pared down my presence on social media a lot in the last few years, at least with respect to the platforms that link me to people I have regular IRL contact with. That slow retreat has been, in general, a Very Good Thing for my psyche. I’m thinking about jettisoning a little more of it today as I scroll Instagram in a moment of at-work downtime and find myself bummed as a result.

Social media is an interesting thing. It’s certainly a vehicle for staying in touch with people you might otherwise lose contact with (that’s a good thing in some cases; probably a bad thing in others) but there’s something sort of oppressive about, in the most self-serving sense of the word. You find yourself compelled to share but people tend to share with one of two purposes. Patent extroverts, given a new platform, just expand themselves into it. They vent, they get TMI; they are filterless, they live their every moment out loud. It’s just who they are.

On the other side are the curators. They are more careful. They share to impress and I’ve certainly done this. You do it fully aware, posting content that enhances the impression you’re fun, smart, funny, beautiful, etc. It’s human nature. But we forget, as we curate an image of ourselves, that others are engaged in the same kind of self-editing.

There’s nothing wrong with it as such but it alters your view of people, it invites a sort of competition, and I would say generally I feel crummier after an exposure to social media of that kind. More often than not, I’m either left rolling my eyes and weighing the temptation to angrily type a relationship-ending rejoinder to some kind of political nonsense effused by an underqualified oversharer or I’m made jealous by the apparent great times everyone else is having at every moment of the day while I toil and scrimp and shuffle through my day. Today, and more and more frequently as I’ve culled the oversharers from my various feeds, it’s plain old jealousy I’m feeling and I feel like an idiot for it.

Here I would really differentiate Tumblr as a platform. Maybe it’s the anonymity of it but there is a sense in which people share equally their triumphs and their fuck-ups, their highs and lows. You tend to get a fuller, inherently less flattering view of people and a much greater diversity of perspectives and I think that’s enormously healthier. We’re all works-in-progress, coming from varied backgrounds, that’s the reality. Tumblr as a platform better reflects that and there’s a culture of meaningful debate and discourse that bears little resemblance to other social media platforms.

But today I scrolled through piles of vacation photos and glowing selfies posted by people I mostly became acquainted with in college or through old jobs and who I’m oddly ambivalent about, many of whom I haven’t associated with in real life in years. And for good reasons. We’d otherwise have lost touch as we drifted into different political points of view, different life stages, had little fallings-out or just gotten bored with each other. I’m seeing the manifestations of apparent good fortune working on people I, frankly, don’t care to actually have conversations with anymore and I find myself in a funk about it. How dumb is that?

My self-pity has a familiar thesis: I’ve tried my very best to live conscientiously and worked hard but I still have less to show for it than almost anyone else I know, materially and in terms of the number and quality of my relationships.

Well, boo hoo.

It’s pointless for two reasons:

The world is not a meritocracy. Duh. You know this. More evidence is revealed to you every day that this is the case and you still let it disappoint you that good things happen to compromised people - people you know are capable of bad, hurtful, careless behaviors they’ve never addressed. That’s not news, girl. The bigger question is, why maintain electronic contact with people you’ve found reasons to distance yourself from in real life? You’re obviously not benefiting from attempting to exercise your charity every time you’re reminded that nice things happen to less than nice people. You can give it up, you know.

These feelings are triggered because you’re choosing to consume from a platform where everyone is engaging in the same competition to show off, yourself included. You’re seeing the most attractive aspects of everyone’s lives. You’re always reminded of what you don’t have. Comparing someone’s vacation photos in the Caribbean to the real-time conditions of your cubicle office on a crummy Tuesday morning is a setup, honey. Don’t fall for it.

Some of my jealousy is really fear, I’ve got to be honest about that. I’ve made big strides in self-improvement in that last few years, challenging a whole pile of my own beliefs, broadening my perspective, identifying bad behavior in myself an others - racism, sexism, ableism, ignorance - embedded through years of exposure. I try daily to be a better, more honest, more fair person. The first changes you make are to yourself but at some point, you’ll feel compelled to weigh in on the behavior or the outlook of others and no matter how palatably you suggest it, the more willing you become to say out loud that a status quo ought to change, the farther it will drive from you the people in your life (most of them) whose well-being or identity are invested in that status quo. People in general don’t like the implication that they could do better even if it’s as simple as pointing out that the offensive joke they made was offensive. You have to learn to metabolize that rejection because it will build up around you otherwise. It scares me to have essentially no one in my life I can share fully with, with whom I can both be totally honest about my opinions and who actually wants to hear them. But I’m not sure if that scares me because it poses a real threat to my emotional stability or because I’m meant to be convinced it’s a Bad Thing to be alone.

I’m doing my best to improve as a person. (It’s an obligation I think we all have to pursue as far as we’re able.) I’m more self-assured, I feel better able to defend, ideologically, ethically, my points of view, I feel that I’ve generally improved the way I treat others, I’m more conscientious by a mile, but at the same time I’m less likable to the people immediately around me and they are less likable to me. I’m irritating and they’re undeveloped. I’ve experienced this attrition of relationships lately in the name of honesty and trying harder and raising the bar on critical thinking and conduct and changing tastes... It’s probably inevitable.

One of my favorite quotes is from Dostoyevsky (Crime and Punishment) usually translated: “Pain and suffering are always obligatory for a broad consciousness and a deep heart.” I don’t know about pain and suffering on a grand scale but isolation, certainly, and maybe a little loneliness. Being bummed is probably always obligatory.

I don’t feel isolation or deprivation oppressively under ordinary circumstances, moment to moment, in my daily life. I’m generally pretty content. Just the other day as I skimmed a great book in the kitchen, the windows open, the weather beautiful, a nice playlist going in the background, and a delicious homemade dinner simmering on the stove, I was actually thinking about what a wonderful living situation I’ve got and how happy I was having a quiet reflective day all to myself, what great use I’d made of it to spend time on some things I’d wanted to, etc. That attitude, the feelings I have in quiet moments of totally honest reflection... that’s the attitude I regard as my true attitude: satisfied, introspective, open, kind. There is no notion of comparison with with others, no spite, no self doubt. I don’t feel isolated because I’m not reminded under those circumstances of the relationships I used to have or how I’m measuring up against a scale I didn’t set.

But I feel that isolation, I feel myself as less-than, when I insist on putting myself in positions of apple-and-oranges comparison with friends, family, and acquaintances on social media. I don’t think that’s healthy, so it’s time to take another step away from social media, I think, and allow my appraisal of myself to come from within rather than without.

#personal #journaling

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type2diabetestreatments-blog · 8 years ago

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DSMA April: The Power of Support

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/dsma-april-the-power-of-support/

DSMA April: The Power of Support

The Diabetes Online Community is all about support, but what about in-person diabetes support groups? This month's Diabetes Social Media Advocacy (DSMA) Blog Carnival asks, "Describe your ideal diabetes "support group"? What would you discuss?" Amy's really concentrated on getting most of her support from the DOC, but I've attended local support groups on-and-off for the past 18 years. So this month, I'm sharing a little about why I love IRL (Internet-speak for "in real life") diabetes support, plus a bit about a new project I'm working on!

I love support groups. In any shape or form, hanging out with PWDs is one of my favorite things to do. When I was growing up, most of my diabetes support came from once-a-year diabetes camp and the occasional diabetes event hosted by JDRF or ADA.

In high school, a wonderful group of parents founded a diabetes support group for families dealing with diabetes. The group registered as a non-profit organization, and with a healthy list of sponsors, they were able to bring in well-known guest speakers, like Dr. Bruce Buckingham. Although it was geared for parents, I spent time there coordinating the childcare, and managed to form my own mini support group with the other teens who babysat with me.

Unfortunately, college was a desert as far as diabetes support goes. It was almost impossible to find anyone with diabetes, because it's is an invisible illness and most college students aren't interested in talking about a disease when they could be with friends, at the bars, or, you know, studying. Thank goodness for the DOC!

When I moved to the NYC area in 2007, I was lucky to find two new diabetes support groups: the NYC Type 1 Diabetes Meetup Group and the Adults Coping with Type 1 (ACT1) Diabetes group. Because of grown-up life obligations, I'm not able to make every meeting, but I have formed some really amazing friendships and I always know I can count on them for a hug when I need it.

Still, if you're reading this blog, you might be wondering: why do I need an in-person support group? Isn't getting advice and support what the DOC is all about? Why can't I just stay online? It's so easy!

Good question! Here are a few of my reasons for going IRL:

1. The Dialogue. Message boards, Facebook and Twitter are all excellent ways of exchanging info and support, but they can be sometimes limited in allowing a real dialogue with someone. It can be difficult to ask follow-up questions or share detailed stories when people are constantly popping in and out. Plus, there are certain (*wink wink*) conversations that you don't necessarily want to broadcast to the entire Internet!

2. Seeing is Believing. Kinda cheesy, I know, but sometimes it's hard to realize just how many other people go through the same crap as us until you see it in action. One thing I hear often from new people at support groups is how cool it is to see other insulin pumps, to see folks testing their blood sugar, or to hear the alarms or beeps of our medical devices.

3. Demonstrations. I have lost track of the number of times I've lifted my shirt to show off my insulin pump set on my tummy, or handed over my pump to someone so they could see how a bolus wizard works. (Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Don't touch that button!") Many of us might not know anyone who uses another type of diabetes technology. While online photos of an OmniPod or Dexcom might look intriguing or answer a few basic questions, it's not until you can viscerally touch and see a device in action that it becomes clear how it could fit into your life.

So those are some reasons I think in-person support groups are awesome. But what do I specifically look for in a support group? Here are my criteria:

1. Close proximity to where I live. One of the major bummers of living so far out from NYC (although I'm considered in the metro area, I'm 35 miles away) is that it takes so long to get anywhere. On the weekends, it's not a problem, but I work from home. Heading into the city — approximately one hour each way — for a two-hour dinner or meetup is often not the most appealing idea. Having folks nearby also makes spontaneous dinners, coffees and emergencies a little easier to handle.

2. People in my same life situation. It makes sense that people I would most relate to are those who are type 1's in their late twenties or older who are working, like me. I'm not a parent or a person with type 2 diabetes, so our life experiences wouldn't overlap very much.

3. Desire to learn and manage diabetes better. I enjoy interacting with folks who want to discuss diabetes technology, tricks of the trade, and the latest research. Complaining and venting are certainly appropriate for support groups, too, but I like the kind of support groups that lift me up and leave me inspired and motivated. I don't just need a chorus of agreements when I complain about diabetes. I want emotional support, but also practical tips to help solve some of the problems I encounter.

A few weeks ago, I decided "close proximity to where I live" is the one issue I have with the wonderful NYC support groups I've been visiting. As much as I love the people, being in the city, they are quite a bit of a distance from where I live and work. I have been itching to meet folks a little more local since moving to Westchester County a year and a half ago. I haven't found any existing support groups here yet, so I'm doing what I always do when what I want isn't available: I'm starting my own!

How am I doing that? Well, the concept for the group is still new, and I haven't even held my first meeting, so I can't say I'm an expert on the subject. I plan to host one meeting a month, alternating between a weeknight and a weekend night. A few things I'm doing to spread the word include:

- Creating a main page on Meetup.com. Folks can join and receive notifications about when the next meetings will be.

- Posting about it on local JDRF / ADA Facebook walls.

- Emailing local newspapers and blogs about my support group to spread the word.

- Designing a flier to promote the group and sending it to local diabetes clinics, doctors and educators; you can also send it to local pump reps if you know them.

Our very first meeting (a dinner at a local restaurant) is coming up in a couple of weeks, on Tuesday, April 24. If you happen to live in Westchester (NY) County or Fairfield (CT) County, I hope you can make it! I'm also totally open to suggestions for how to promote and organize my new group. This is the first time I've ever organized a support group and I'm excited to see where it goes from here — IRL!

* This post is our April 2012 entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you'd like to participate too, you can get all the information you need here. *

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

Type 2 Diabetes Treatment Type 2 Diabetes Diet Diabetes Destroyer Reviews Original Article

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sheminecrafts · 5 years ago

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IRL pivots into virtual event calendar In Remote Life

Robinhood’s Josh Elman joins IRL

Events without borders

A cure for loneliness

“Our tagline is ‘live your best life.’ It’s not judgmental. If your best life is playing video games on your couch with your homies, we don’t judge you for that.”

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technicalsolutions88 · 5 years ago

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What do you do if you’re an event discovery startup and suddenly it’s illegal to attend events? You lean into the cultural shift and pivot. Today, $11 million-funded calendar app IRL is morphing from In Real Life to In Remote Life. It will now focus on helping people find, RSVP for, plan, share, and chat about virtual events from livestreamed concerts to esports tournaments to Zoom cocktail parties.

Coronavirus could make IRL relevant to a wider audience because before an event “only mattered if it was around you. But now with In Remote Life, content has no geographical limitations” says IRL co-founder and CEO Abe Shafi. “The need is exponentially greater because everyone’s routines have been shattered.” IRL ranked #138 in US App Store today, making it the top calendar app, even above Google’s (#168).

Robinhood’s Josh Elman joins IRL

IRL has some fresh product development talent to lead it through the transition. The startup has hired stock trading app Robinhood’s VP of Product Josh Elman. The former Greylock investor is well known for his product chops from jobs at Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Elman joined Robinhood in early 2018 but left late last year, notably before its rash of recent outages that enraged users.

Events without borders

For now, it’s basing recommendations on what you engage with most on its homescreen, but I found that can make the initial experience very hit-or-miss. The top events in each category were rarely exciting. But IRL is planning to beef up its onboarding process to ask about your interests, and integrate with Spotify so it knows which musicians’ online concerts you’d want to attend.

A cure for loneliness

Facebook did launch a standalone Events calendar app back in 2016, but later paired down the calendaring features, folded it in with restaurant recommendations and renamed it Local. “As big as Facebook is, it can only do so many things insanely well” Elman says of his old employer. “They could do more [on Events], but it’s never been the juggernaut like photos.”

Shafi is happy to have the opportunity in such a foundational space. He describes the concept of the calendar as one he’s sure will outlive him, so it’s worth the effort to make it social no matter how long it takes — though I’m sure his investors like Goodwater Capital, Founders Fund, Kleiner Perkins, and Floodgate hope it’ll find a way to monetize eventually.

“Our tagline is ‘live your best life’. It’s not judgmental. If your best life is playing video games on your couch with your homies, we don’t judge you for that.”

from Mobile – TechCrunch https://ift.tt/2JxO71p ORIGINAL CONTENT FROM: https://techcrunch.com/

#Technical Solutions #SEO #Online Earning #Youtube Marketing #Android Developer

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