#i have been sick w flu
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been thinking about protecting trans youth as an older trans person who took a long time to arrive here. (an ongoing arrival).
while i am unequipped to do anything in most material senses, something i thought might be nice to have is a collection of writing and art from people who came to their transness later on. right now, bad actors really do treat it as a youth "epidemic" but for those of us who were denied the option in youth, either maliciously or through lack of information...
well, we must have thoughts, right? maybe enough for a zine? just. putting a feeler out there
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i’m THIS close to just—
#my girlfriend is sick w the flu and i’ve been looking after her which i honestly love to do#but doing that as well as working and cooking and tidying up after our flatmate who hasn’t lifted a finger to help is really getting to me#and work has been so so tiring and unnecessarily stressful and everyone else in my flat has finished work for the holidays#which makes it so much worse because i’m at work tidying up after everyone and keeping it together#and then i come home and do the exact same thing because my flatmate is useless at doing their bit#and they’re literally just sat at home all day with all the time in the world. and they ate all the leftovers so there’s none left for us#so now after washing up the dinner stuff from last night i have to go to the shop and buy ingredients for dinner tonight#because i can easily just not eat when im too tired but my girlfriend needs sustenance so. a meal will be made#screaming into a pillow ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🥳#i feel like a single parent these days lol
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Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know
#unrelated to the flu shot but i'm certain i'll feel it tomorrow#idk i've been in a weird state lately where i get really excited about my art and i get super talkative in general#i feel peppy and enthusiastic and excited and then i just crash. HARD.#it feels like all the years of being a shut-in finally catch up to me all at once and it's like apocalyptic hellfire all consuming agony#and nobody is ever gonna love me again bc i refuse to allow it and the lights are too bright in public spaces.#i feel like i'm not really a person outside of my interests and my artwork. i forget that i'm like. a being.#i think i'm also just annoyed bc i'm gonna be Doing Things. already so soon it's gonna be halloween#and i have plans w my sisters and their friends and later i'll be spending the night at my sister's#and i do want to do all that. but it pisses me off that i had waste time today and will have to tomorrow#when i could be drawing. i should have been drawing. i cannot emphasize enough actually#how artwork is just. the one and only thing that makes me feel connected to people.#that brings me joy and purpose like nothing else. so i just get extra upset if i'm gonna be doing too many things LMFAO#and as i say all this like damn milo some people have jobs. i used to. a lifetime ago.#but to be so real i've gotten so much worse. at. everything.#man sometimes i can't even tolerate being at one of my sisters' place bc she doesn't have lamps.#so i just have to chill in the dark in an adjacent room and it's like Fine.#but why can't everyone live by MY rules.#if i skip out on therapy tomorrow i should cancel tonight. i guess i'm just split about it.#like. it's clear i have things to talk about. but man i just don't fucking WANT to. i'm SICK OF IT#it's more of the same and then some. my circumstances will never change bc i'm in hell. okay.#who CARES .......#who GIVES a shit..........#ect.
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oijeaofi i am so tired of being sick 😩👎
#sorry i need to complain about how sick i feel and didn't want to bother anyone 😭 feel free to ignore this#turns out that blueberries are my NEMESIS and i only found this out after eating them for three breakfasts straight aofeijaoi#so my entire body is inflamed and my intestines are trying to kill me every time i eat even if it's the most low fodmap food ever#i hope things sort themselves out soon aeoifaj i've been trying to ween myself off of taking so much ibuprofen but like#i'm just in so much pain all of the time 😭😭#unless i eat like. the blandest food in the world and also lay flat on my back all day and stare at the ceiling which makes me want to die#i had been in kind of a good place where i wasn't getting tummy sick as much but lately it's been so bad#i've quit all caffeine now too hoping it will help so i'm exhausted from that aeofiaoijf it's just a disaster#and i've been having cold-like/allergy symptoms for like a month lmao awoiefajoi it's just never ending!!!#even my period gives me flu-like symptoms#i need to go to a doctor about it but there's not much they can do for half of the things that are wrong w me aoijefaoi#i feel like the most they'll do is give me muscle relaxers for the tmj and i don't want to be on heavy duty meds like that aiewojf#uuuggggghhhhhhhhhhh#*dykeposting
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paranoid abt the state of the world. feels like 2019 again. im going vegan again lol
#ive been doom scrolling for hours and have been bombarded w bird flu videos#i already feel. like a plague rat idk what ill do if i get the cats sick
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anyway i did a BIG fucking release on tuesday n its fucked me up for the last 48hrs. whoop
#it was good . like i could feel So Muxh bwing draines from me it fely GOOOOOD.#but as a conseuwence i was given the Flu so id rest (and i am. bc ik what this means)#i dont Get Sick . and i can tell when ive been forced to get sick from the divine. this was literally one if them Fuck.#mynthroat fucming burns so mhch im kinda .#also being forced to shut up for wtv reason 💜#but whatever. its fine . i just Dont Care abt a lot of shit anymore 💜#i elly have started just . Doing Shit for the sake of myself .#quit my job over email (never done tbat ! i stick out shitty jobs bc im respectful! but . i dont deal w passive aggressiveness)#nor do i deal w fuckers who take shit out of context n twist jt (what half the staff allegedly do)#and my other job has jus gone up in FLAMESSSSS so. hopefully going yo go n see#my coworkers n ask thme wbat the deal n matter is now .#like i yjink my manager did actuslly quit. either she is or she will be.#but idk friday will be interesting tbats for sure.#can i jus say tho: i figured out my right hands for releasing (or i naturally use it as a rwlease)#but to feel the Gunk from my brsin pouring out my hand was kinda wild . like what thebfuck is all of this.#i stilldont know . but i think it was just a big knot.#ive still got one (or two) more to get rid od and im gonna use shrooms to do it sorry.#easiest way ive ever released abything. ill take being sick for two days over cryi g n feeling Bad for the next 3#like . idk if im going to end up in a xryjng sesh. i might ! bc it is standars for me to cry. but#idk man . i released so much eneefy that wasnt even mine too. like i did it twice.#the first time was clearing out rveryine elses energy that id picked up and hadnt cleansed off properly#bc yes i cleanse and wahtnot but sometimes shits persistent.#bht the 2nd time was my own blockages and bullshit. oh that sucked. i actually felt . emotional stings through that one :(
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today felt better. mind fog annoying rather than almost impossible to work with. despite waking up a bit early and lying in bed a while feeling like 0 energy, I had some energy to start with even tho my mind was prone to wander and did without me realizing it. had enough mental energy to write! coherently. some thoughts were popping out of my mind, ideas, which often happens after it's been fallow for a bit. with this new energy of mind healing from whatever that was...
then winding down in the afternoon. to the point mind seems fuzzy again and i think maybe i should rest bc i don't want it to go back to how it was
#headache yesterday helped me rest...#now i'm getting where i can't type again#yesterday i fell on th estairs and dropped phoenixs food#today at pets i tried to push hair behind my ear and i like. lost balance and felt like sitting down would be easier than trying to coordin#ate all limbs at once. settle for a momet then back down#now my shouldr hurts again#trapezius had like a cramp in it this morning#what#why#is it just the change in weather lol#november#help#owies#sick??#mild covid or flu? u get brain fog w tht#i feel that vaguely shaky feeling /fresh ish feeling u get when beginning to recover#doubly bc headache#may have been symptom#withdrawal from trazodone??#if so-- this is no picnic
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oh patron saint of all writing and creating please grant me the strength to finally get on w writing my wips i wish to post before i fall ill once again
#shut up danni's talking#i accidentally burnt myself out on mha so trying to write locked out is kinda :/ to me rn#which sucks bc i wanna blast through and write until after usj#because i have a VERY loose plan in that the next two chapters will the battle trial and ua break in then usj#so i gotta write three chapters#im gonna write the battle trial and ua break in all at one and see where would be best to separate it#rn i have like 4.5k words written which sounds too much and deffo over my word limit#so i'll have to do some surgery but if i post what i have now i risk not posting for like 6 months at least#the other wip i wanna work on is one that likely won't get posted for at the v least a year if i can make a decent headway into it#if not then it won't see the light of day which i v much want it to#anyways im practically over my ear infection again so here's hoping i won't get ill again#no promises tho bc my mum's been sick w an unknown cold/flu for like the last two weeks#if i suddenly get that im gonna be so mad but i wouldn't be surprised
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fever-ish ₊˚⊹ - oscar piastri
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pairing: reader x oscar piastri summary: in which your boyfriend gets the flu, but also refuses to admit it w/c: 1.1k
a/n: I can't believe i've been writing fics for so long and it never occurred to me to write a sick fic when it's literally one of my most fav tropes EVER. anyways consider this a piece of propaganda for my oscar piastri no1 manflu sufferer campaign.
"Hey Osc, you don't look too good."
"Well good morning to you too my beautiful girlfriend," he shoots back instantly, feigning an insulted tone.
"No, I'm being serious." You shuffle to sit up in bed, furrowing your brows as the morning light trickles in through your window and onto your boyfriend's pale face. Gently sweeping his messy hair away from his forehead, you press the back of your hand to it and find it surprisingly warm.
"Babe wake up, you feel like you've got a fever," you urge, trying to shake him awake but he only pushes your hand away sleepily and tosses over, grumbling something about needing more sleep. You sigh in defeat, figuring it would probably do him some good to get some rest and instead slip out of bed quietly to get ready.
It's only about an hour later when you're in the kitchen fixing up your breakfast, that your concern returns. You barely hear the sound of his shuffling feet since you're turned around and busied with the hissing coffee machine.
"Morning," he mumbles sleepily, though his familiar morning raspiness is replaced by a painful-sounding soreness. Whipping around you can't help but feel endeared by how cute he looks, flushed cheeks and bed hair.
"Morning to you too," you laugh, setting down a cup of tea for him on the counter as you sip your coffee.
"Mmf, no time for breakfast, got to get ready for work." You pause, but he's already halfway to the bathroom.
"Oscar," you say, your tone firm, "there is no way you're going to work today baby."
"What? Why not?"
You're not sure if he can see you considering his eyes are only half-open, but the irony of him standing there, stifling a sniffle, is enough for you.
"You've got the flu idiot," you huff, and he looks at you like you're the crazy one.
"No, I don't."
"Sure, and you're also not swaying side to side and semi-delirious right now, hm?" You're trying to toe the line between teasing and soothing, not sure how much bullying he can take in this state - even if it is out of love. You pad your way over to where he's standing, grovelling silently.
"I'm fine, I need to go in," he sighs stubbornly as you intertwine one hand with his, the other coming up to cup his pale, warm face. For the first time that morning, he opens his eyes fully and all it takes is one pleading look from you for him to give in.
"Fine," he mumbles, and he bends slightly to get a kiss from you, confused when you pull away. "Morning breath?"
"You're literally sick," you laugh, shaking your head before giving him a soft peck on his cheek and sending him back to bed.
You decide to take the day off as well, despite your boyfriend's protests that he "can look after himself just fine". Given the morning's events, you aren't going to take any risks, plus there was no way in hell you were going to give up the opportunity to witness the rare event that was your boyfriend under the influence of fever delirium. You figured he'd be pretty low maintenance anyway, after all, it was Oscar, and you'd have most of the day free to do your own thing.
The truth couldn't have been further from the opposite. It was only midday and you had already had to force your half-awake boyfriend back into bed more times than you could count. On top of that, you had not been prepared for the flu to transform him into the pickiest patient on earth - refusing to take any medicine or even a spoonful of the chicken soup you had tried your best to whip up.
Still though, you persisted, and after what seemed like hours you finally managed to get him back into bed for the last time, where he lay curled up. You had been dabbing a cold towel across his forehead for a couple of minutes, and it seemed to have soothed him enough to cause him to doze off. Gazing down at him fondly, you tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear and brought your hand down to caress his cheek. You watched as he leaned into your touch and let out a soft hum of comfort.
Setting the towel on the side table, you moved from where you were perched on the edge of the bed, figuring you should probably leave him to rest while he could. Before you could though, you felt a hand wrap around your wrist. Turning to see your boyfriend looking at you through half-lidded eyes you couldn't help but let out a low laugh.
"Where are you going?" he whined.
"You need to rest Oscar, I'll just be in the living room."
"No, please."
"Hm? What is it, do you want more soup or another cup of tea?"
"No, I want you to stay here," he sighed, grip tightening around your wrist as he made weak attempts to pull you into bed with him. You began to protest, but the sight of your boyfriend curled up and close to shivering won you over before you could.
Pulling back the covers and sitting up against the headboard, you guided his head to lie on your chest. Slowly, you ran your fingers through his hair in an attempt to soothe him back to sleep. After a couple minutes of silence, you had thought it had done the trick until he piped up again.
"I'm sorry for making you do all this." Oscar's voice was tiny, quiet, confessional and it made your heart hurt.
"Oh baby, you're not making me do anything."
"But with the medicine, all the tissues, and you even made me soup." His voice raised and you thought for a minute he might start crying.
"It's a small price to pay to make sure you're alright, need I remind you that I love you?" you laugh, trying to make light of the situation. A sick Oscar was one thing, but a crying one was a complete other you were unprepared for. Untangling your hand from the strands of his hair you moved it to rub a slow, comforting circle on his back as he lay his head back onto your chest.
"Love you too," was the last thing he mumbled before his breathing slowed, symbolising to you that he had finally fallen asleep. Sure, you could've gotten up but at that point, you were far too comfortable underneath the heat-radiating mass that was your feverish boyfriend. Plus the things he had said still rang in your head and, even if they had been little more than delirious ramblings, and even if he woke up tomorrow with no memory of ever saying them - you felt lucky for even hearing them at all.
#oscar piastri#op81#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri oneshot#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri fic#mclaren#formula 1#fanfic#purinfelix#jet writes ★
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i actually decided and i did indeed make alice a punk
make alice a punk in your 80s fic with fishnets &a big ass leather jacket &my LIFE IS YOURS
im sick to my STOMACH that i didn't think about it first !! however because this takes place in 1989 and punk culture was popular in the 70's, it would make more sense for her to follow the grunge vibe !! i'll see what i can do !!
#she became friends with rio bc she was forced by her parole officer to put her anger into something more productive than punching cops#yes im aware she's a cop in cannon me and em decided she could've been a firefighter#anyway im rectifying the mistake marvel made by making alice a punk#also did i mention i'm technically 4 chapters in already?#wordcount at 10k+#it's the only thing i can think about actually#im sick w the flu and im mostly so sad bc my head hurts too badly to write rn 😭🧎🏻#so#im just laying in bed thinking about gay 80's boxers#also butch agatha anyone?#im so excited for u guys to read it#im still deciding if i should make a playlist#bc i know i did that for portofino buuuuut#👀 the 80's sound track would be so good#also it's called Hit Me (with your best shot) i feel like i have to include a playlist cmon
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AN ACT OF LOVE ۶ৎ
۶ৎ SYNOPSIS: Being loved is being taken care of - emotionally and physically. ۶ৎ FEATURING CHARACTERS: Baji Keisuke, Shuji Hanma, Kazutora Hanemiya ۶ৎ C/W: fluff, established relationships/marriage, afab reader, mentions of flu symptoms in Baji's part, pregnancy in Kazutora's part + some hurt/comfort, insomnia in Hanma's part, petnames (baby, granny lmao), super self-indulgend ngl, not proof read, lowkey sucks but oh well ☠️ ۶ৎ AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is inspired by me being sick some time ago and sulking in my bed. Also took me ages to finish this. ۶ৎ W/C: 3.3k+
۶ৎ Keisuke Baji:
It’s the dead of the night, and you laid on your stomach, head resting on the side while your arms were spread. Your husband, ever the considerate and loving man, sat next to you as his calloused hands kneaded your aching muscles. It’s been terrible the last few days since you’ve started sneezing and coughing. At first, you assumed it must have been some allergies, but the added fever, fatigue and muscle pain painted a clearer picture for you: You must have gotten the flu.
So you took off a week from work to rot in the bed you shared with your husband, taking every disgusting tasting medication your doctor has recommended and falling asleep right after. While the other symptoms have gradually become better - thankfully, for you were going insane with your stuffy nose - your muscles wouldn’t stop hurting. The worst part, however, was that nothing seemed to help, no pain killers, no grain pillows, no overpriced could lessen the ache you felt in your tired muscles.
Thankfully, you happen to be married to the best man in the entire earth.
Keisuke has been so attentive ever since you’ve gotten sick. Despite his busy work schedule, he made sure you were taken care of, like making sure you’re taking your medicine in the morning and the evening, cooking you nutritious meals when he had the time for it and most importantly, tending to your aching back. He did give the best backrubs of all time after all.
So you waited impatiently for Keisuke to come back from the veterinary clinic he worked in to massage your muscles, occasionally dozing off continuing to take your meds with a sour face.
The torturous wait came to an end as soon as you heard the heavy yet familiar footsteps of your husband nearing the bedroom. You stirred awake yet again from the shuffling noises in the background to see him sit down on your bed, skin clad in his casual pair of sweats and a white baggy shirt, holding a small bottle of massaging oil in his hand.
“Did I wake you up?” Keisuke asked, sitting down on the end of the bed, his heavy hand tenderly stroking your covered leg “Are you feeling better?”
You chuckled when you felt his loving touch “Wow, not even gonna greet your sick wife? How rude, Kei” You couldn’t see him well from the way you laid on your stomach, but you envisioned the ravenette rolling his eyes at you “Don’t roll your eyes at me, Mister Baji”
“How did you even know I was rolling my eyes at you?” your husband questioned as he moved to sit next to you, tugging the blanket and your - his - shirt away from his way “I just know you, Kei” you merrily replied, lightly shuddering when the cold oil made contact with your skin. His warm hand softly rubbed your back, spreading the massaging oil evenly “As you should. I’d be really pissed if my own wife didn’t know me and my antics” He muttered, digging his thumbs into your back muscles and rubbing them against your hurting muscles.
“Kei, it hurts!” you groaned into the pillows, struggling under the strong palms of his hands “You’re being too rough”
“I know, I know baby, but you’ll feel much better” Keisuke spoke to you, his usual gruff tone softening for you “Jeez babe, your muscles are rock hard. You have the back of an old granny” Keisuke snickered, his touch becoming more gentle. He’d hate to seriously hurt you.
“Keisuke I swear to God” you scoffed into the pillow, deciding to play along with his banter “I’m not an old granny and won’t become one anytime soon. You should be ashamed of bullying your sick wife”
“Hmmmm, nope, feelin’ no shame”
Your pained whines and protest slowly but surely grew silent as your husband continued rubbing and kneading your sore muscles, easing the ache you’ve been feeling all day long. Stopping after a while, Keisuke plumped next to you. Your mattress dipped at his sudden shifting before you were pulled towards him, scooped up in his embrace. A small yelp escaped your lips as you were manhandled into a different position - a position more of keisuke’s liking. You were turned to lay on your side, your back snugly pressing against your husband’s front as he buried his face into the crook of your neck.
“Kei! Geez, you will get sick if you get close to me like that”
Keisuke lets out a content sigh, his nose bumping against the tender skin of your neck “Oh shut. I’ve slept next to you for the whole week, I’ll be fine” He scoffed before he murmured into your neck “Besides, I’ve been looking forward to this all day long”
Heat crept up your face. You knew Keisuke can be affectionate - hell, you married this man, of course you knew he was affectionate towards you - yet the way it rolled off his tongue so sweetly made you feel as shy as when you had just started dating him. Loving him never gets old, you supposed.
So you laid in the warm embrace of your husband, feeling the beat of his heart softly thudding against your back and the slight tickle of his calm breath against your neck. Comfortable silence engulfed you two, and before you knew it, you heard his snores from behind you. A tired smile crept up on your lips before you followed suit, falling asleep in the ravenette’s embrace. The pain faded, and all you could feel was Keisuke’s love and devotion to you.
۶ৎ Shuji Hanma:
A deep hum left Shuji’s lips as he made his way to your shared apartment. Work has been taxing for the last few weeks ever since one of his photo’s he did for a wedding blew up on the internet. While he enjoyed his work and the extra money flowing in, sitting in his office and editing his client’s pictures till the sun goes down was not a way the tall man enjoys spending his nights. During the day, the tall man would be driving from shoot to shoot, instructing models how to pose while taking numerous pictures and making calls and adding appointments to his agenda.
Who knew following his passion would turn him into a relentless workaholic?
Unlocking the door as quietly as he could, Shuji quietly walked through the darkness of his apartment to the bathroom. More like forcing himself to go take a shower before crawling under the blankets with you, for Shuji knew you would be more than displeased with him. As he’s letting the warm water hit his skin, the ravenette’s thoughts drifted to you. He didn’t liked to admit it too often, but he missed you throughout the day - the way you���d scold him for ruining the freshly washed sheets with his ‘outside smell’, the way you would subconsciously scoot closer to him in your sleep, the way you are alway the first to wake up in the morning, the way you would have to convince him with kisses and promises of a hot cup of coffee waiting for him in the kitchen if he gets up.
Man, you were just so good to him.
Shuji quickly dried himself off and changed into his pajama - the one you thoughtfully left on top of the washing machine so he wouldn’t have to disturb your sleep by rummaging through the drawers. Tired, but feeling more relaxed after taking his shower, he quietly walked towards your shared bedroom, careful not to bump into anything. You should be asleep already, softly snoring as you’d be lying on his side of the bed and hugging his pillow. At least, that would be how Shuji usually finds you whenever he comes home from work past midnight. He would usually gently push you to roll over to your side and carefully attempt to pry his pillow away from your death grip. Most of the time he gives up and resorts to sleeping with your pillow under his head, which he doesn’t mind. After all, the best way the lanky man falls asleep is being surrounded by your scent.
However, upon entering your shared bedroom, he finds you laying in bed, wide awake and diligently tapping away on your laptop. The lamp on the nightstand illuminated the bedroom, bathing you in a soft golden hue.
“Baby, why are you still awake?” Shuji asked as he approached you, sitting down on the edge of the mattress. Upon coming closer to you, he noticed the dark circles under your eyes and the tired look in your face. Still so beautiful.
“I wanna finish this chapter. I think I made the plot too complicated” You sighed as you averted your eyes from the bright screen to take a look at your equally tired boyfriend.
“Besides, I gotta edit it too. I feel like my writing is inconsistent and lackluster” Despite his fatigue, a grin grew on his face. Oh you knew he was about to bully you.
“Probably because you need to rest” Shuji snickered as he took the laptop from your lap “Can’t have your little brain burn out before you finish writing the epilogue”
“But Shu, I need to finish this right now-”
“This reminds me of the times you used to pull all nighters back in highschool to finish your assignments, but this time you’re doing it willingly”
You scoffed, unable to find humor in your boyfriend’s attempts to tease you. Placing your hands on your laptop, you lightly pulled it closer to you as you muttered “Your comparison sucks, Shu. I’m writing because it’s my hobby, not a chore like the assignments used to be” The man could only shake his head, the light grin quickly turning into a scoff “You sure this isn’t a chore for you? Sure looks like you treat it like one”
Oh, he got you. You tried really hard to come up with a witty come back, something that would make him mind his own business. Unfortunately for you, your sleep deprived brain couldn’t argue with him. Against your ego, you had to bite the bullet.
The grip on your laptop loosened. The truth was that you were dying to fall back into your mattress and get the rest you desperately needed, but the need to be finished with your herculean task overthrew your basic human want.
Seeing as you weren’t budging, Shuji gently attempted to take your laptop away; this time placing the device on his own lap before suggesting “You lay back. I’ll read what you have written so far”
“Shu, it’s fine-”
“Do what I say, doll” He cut you off without sparing you a glance. Instead, he got comfortable in your shared bed and began to silently read your writing “You made some spelling mistakes. And I don’t understand why you’d word this sentence like that” The ravenette pointed his index finger at the bright screen, showing you the sentence he meant “But honestly? Not too shabby. The pacing is nice and most importantly, the plot isn’t boring”
You weren’t sure if you were hearing things right. Since when did he know anything about literature?
Shuji snickered as he watched you squinting at him “What? Didn’t like what I said?”
You could only huff, watching him turn off your laptop and placing it on his nightstand - right next to the now cold cup of coffee he didn’t get to finish in the morning “Are you sure you’re actually my boyfriend? Are you actually my Shu?” You looked him up and down “My boyfriend doesn’t know that much about writing”
The man next to you pulled the blanket over his body as he laid down. Turning his face to you, he smugly replied “You’re acting like I’m uncultured”
“You aren’t?”
Your boyfriend pulled you closer to him, encasing you in his warmth. Shuji bumped his nose against yours “True. Guess you rubbed off on me” He muttered tiredly “Now close your eyes. You gotta finish that chapter tomorrow for me”
۶ৎ Kazutora Hanemiya:
Dread filled you as you looked down on your hands, watching as one line immediately appeared on the test. Truth be told, this wasnät your idea. Catching up with your friend Emma in a cafe near your workplace turned into you ranting about your fatigue and nausea pretty quickly as soon as Emma noticed the tired look in your eyes.
“It’s probably the stress from work”, you tried justifying, explaining the big projects you were working on for the last few weeks. Conveniently, you left out that even though work has been taxing, you were still able to get a full night of sleep every time you came home from your office, and that you had enough time to spend with your boyfriend outside of work.
Emma would only shake her head at you “You know, I thought it was just stress and lack of sleep too, but it wasn’t” she’d rub her visibly pregnant belly as she recalled the symptoms she’s experienced before she found out she was expecting.
Emma successfully planted the seed of doubt in your mind without even realizing.
You tried rationalizing feeling fatigued and nauseous for a while, thinking that upon the completion of your projects your symptoms would disappear. But, oh, how wrong you were. Each passing day became harder for you, as tiredness became a looming presence throughout your everyday life. Barely being able to keep your eyes open and containing your breakfast in your stomach, you grew anxious of the prophetic words Emma told you weeks ago. Out of desperation, you looked up pregnancy symptoms to calm your raging nerves down. Fatigue? Check. Nausea? Check. Morning sickness? Check. Mood swings? Check. Missed period? Check.
You knew you wouldn’t have to continue reading, but you foolishly held onto the hope that there would be at least one big symptom that would contradict your fears. Defeated, you put your phone down on your coffee table. Scrolling through a seemingly endless list of possible pregnancy symptoms drained you, but the uncertainty ate you alive. so you mustered up all of your strength and courage to walk into the closest pharmacy and get a pregnancy test. To calm my nerves, you’d think as you picked up whichever pregnancy test the pharmacist advised you to buy.
This leads you to where you are currently. The results took an agonizingly long amount of time, and you started to overthink again. Truth be told, while you weren’t planning on it anytime soon, you assumed it would happen one day. The main reason you felt so anxious was your boyfriend’s reaction to you possibly being pregnant. You weren’t even sure if Kazutora, your beloved boyfriend, even wanted to have children of his own. The conversation about settling down with kids just never seemed to pop up in any past conversations you had with him. You didn’t have a lot to go off on; all you really knew was that while Kazutora was good with kids, he still had issues he needed to work through.
What would he say? Would he be angry? Happy? Would he leave? Your stomach churned as the thoughts flooded your mind. Your eyes were focused on the pregnancy test in your hands, however you didn’t pay attention to it.
Your trance- like state was interrupted by a loud knock on your bathroom door “Hey, you ok in there?” Kazutora’s muffled voice, filled with worry, came from the other side of the door. Your heart skipped a beat when you heard his voice, not expecting him to come home so soon. Clumsily, you stood up a little too quickly and rushed to open the door for him, leaving the pregnancy test on the sink. You swung the door open, coming face to face with the man you loved most. His loving face was scrunched with worry, eyebrows knitted as he took your panicked state in “Hey, baby. Didn’t think I’d see you home so early. How was work?”
“Was alright. I tried calling you, but you didn’t pick up the phone, so I came home to check on you” Kazutora replied, his gaze still fixed on your tired looking face “You look awful. Maybe we should go and get you checked up”
You shock your head vehemently “No! No, there’s no need for that. Trust me, I’m healthy” Placing your hands on his face. The warmth of his skin brought you comfort, calming you down a bit before you continued “Trust me, I am fine”
Your boyfriend narrowed his eyes at you “Babe, no. This is getting out of hand, you need to see a doctor” He huffed, walking past you to get to the bathroom “Get dressed, I’ll drive you there” Kazutora walked towards the sink. Cold sweat coated your skin as you watched him reach the sink and turn on the faucet. This was it, the point of no return. You knew he would see the pregnancy test, and he’d be the first to see results - even before you yourself could see it for yourself. You began mentally cursing yourself; for not looking at the test before you rushed to open the door for him, for not hiding the test, for not being careful enough. Bracing yourself for his reaction, you watched his movements stutter. The water running from the faucet splashed in the background, hitting the stone material of the sink harshly, was the only noise drowning out the deafening silence between you and Kazutora.
“Baby, is this what I think it is?” Kazutora silently asked, his voice unsteady and quiet. You almost wouldn’t have caught his question if you weren’t hyper fixated on him. You couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad sign, hell you weren’t even sure what the results were in the first place. Coming to the realization that you needed to be truthful, you sighed and started to explain “I haven’t seen the results yet. I’ve been feeling” You paused, sighing, before continuing “I haven’t been feeling myself for some time now”
“I understand” Kazutora turned the faucet off, the splashing of water suddenly coming to a stop before he turned around to see you.
A soft smile graced his features, the same one that made you fall head over heels for him all those years ago. Just like the sun hitting ice, his relaxed, loving expression was enough to melt your worries away “So? You wanna know the results?” You nodded eagerly, expecting to be given the pregnancy test from your lover. He handed you the test, his touch lingering. Kazutora intently watched your face as you looked down to see the pregnancy test in your hand.
Two lines. Positive.
A gasp left your lips, hands flying to clasp over your mouth to contain your bubbling emotions. Your gaze switches between the positive test and Kazutora. The realization that you are very much pregnant hits you hard, but the realization that you worried about him not taking the news well for nothing knocked you off your feet.
Happy tears welled up in your eyes and soft sobs escaped through your lips. Closing the distance between you and him, the ravenette gently held your waist with one hand and cupped your cheek with the other one. His calloused thumb swiped over your soft skin, wiping away the small droplets of tears escaping your eyes “I’m so bad with words, but baby I need you to know how happy you make me. From the moment we have met, to the day you’ve agreed to date me. But today, you’ve made me by far the happiest I have ever been”
You choked up when you saw his golden eyes become glassy, feeling his usually steady hand shake with every word he speaks to you. Your hands moved away from your mouth, cradling your lover’s face instead. Lovingly, you gazed into each others’ eyes as you stood in your small bathroom, feeling the butterflies flutter in your stomach while Kazutora’s hand moved to place itself over your tummy - holding the two most precious people in his life.
#might write a part two bc I have some ideas#tr x reader#tr fluff#baji x reader#baji keisuke x reader#tr baji#tokyo revengers x you#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers fluff#hanma x reader#hanma tr#hanma shuji x reader#tokyo revengers kazutora#kazutora x reader#kazutora hanemiya#tokyo revengers headcanons
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💭 thinking about …
𝖽𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗅𝗈𝗀𝖺𝗇 𝗁𝗈𝗐𝗅𝖾𝗍𝗍 𝗁𝖼𝗌!
warnings : slightly suggestive, size kink, reader shorter than logan word count: roughly 750 a/n : i wrote this with logan from the original x-men trilogy in mind, but it still works fine with worst wolverine (although he’s a little moodier)! this has been sitting in the drafts for like two weeks but whatever😖
you met through wade, and didn’t exactly hit it off immediately…
your first impression of him was a grumpy old man who didn’t know how to have a conversation of any value and his first impression of you was basically a more sensitive version of wade
but you stuck with it, and tried your very hardest to get along :3
lucky for you, logan opened up more and more with every small catch up, until eventually he’d consider you one of his closest friends!
but that wasn’t enough for him, he wanted more of you in a lot more ways than one😖
when he finally mustered up the courage to ask you out on a date, you were absolutely overjoyed!! so was he when he heard your sweet giggles!!
after that he was officially whipped!
you could have him on his knees for so much as a kiss on the cheek :3
first date!! hmm i can imagine him taking you to a drive in movie or maybe a rooftop dinner
something relatively intimate!
it probably starts out a little awkward but he just needs some warming up!!
within a half hour he is a whole lot chattier (or as chatty as he can get)
you do most of the talking though
he’s a very active listener which is so comforting
he’s reluctant to drop you home because he wants to spend more time with you ☹️
you reached up and softly kissed him on the cheek as you shut the door behind you, not quite catching the flush of red that quickly spread over his nose and cheeks
it wasn’t long at all until he was sheepishly stood at your door, small bouquet of roses in hand, asking if you’d be his girlfriend the same way a man would ask to marry a woman
you moved in within a couple of months and the rest is history!
always checking up on you! your phone is 24/7 pinging with his messages :3
‘text when you get home.’
‘i left some food out for you, text if you eat it.’
‘hi baby, text when you get to work.’
it is CONSTANT!!!
manhandling! all the time! he cannot leave you alone!
you can expect a hand or two plastered to your skin while you’re curled up on his lap binging something random
speaking of, he loves nothing more than that!
insanely obvious size kink, he may try to hide it at first, but you can really tell when his usual frown morphs to a smirk when you have to get on your tippy toes to kiss him
not massive on pda, but will totally swing an arm around you when he feels like it
sooo possessive, but you’d never live it down if you told him you found it hot
if he even senses another man’s eyes on you, his arm seems to quickly find its way around your waist
secretly loves you playing w his hair while you straddle him 🥰
will moan about it in the moment, but you can feel his little grin when you reach around his head to play with the back
he’s an absolute sucker for those cute domestic moments!
feed him something you’re making with a hand under his chin to make sure nothing spills and he is done for!!
he’s subtle showing affection but you learn to pick up on his cues over time!
shoulder massages when he can tell you’ve had a bad day☹️
he def reads to you
gently wiping something off of your face and smiling to himself because you’re just so adorable
petnames!!!
baby + bub/bubs are what he calls you the most
he babies you constantly omg
a teeny part of him kinda likes when you’re sick because you’re just so pliant and easy to take care of
sometimes you tend to make a bit of a fuss and feel guilty, but if you have a stomach bug or a bad case of the flu you simply cannot find it within yourself to care
‘can i have another blanket?’
‘do you really think that’s a good idea, bub?’
anyways i need him thank you for reading 🙌
#jay writes!#logan howlett🎀#deadpool and wolverine#hugh jackman#ryan reynolds#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#deadpool#deadpool 3#james howlett#logan howlett x you#logan howlett imagine#logan howlett smut#james logan howlett#wolverine x you#xmen#marvel smut#wolverine smut#worst wolverine#wolverine fluff#mcu#wolverine x deadpool#wolverine x reader#logan howlett fanfiction#poolverine#old man logan
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hey hi i'm so sorry to be asking but someone i live w is sick & seems to be getting sicker. i am immunocompromised and running low on masks and various cleaning supplies & other necessities.
i WAS able to order some decongestant for her but we don't have the tests we need to figure out what she's sick with.
i'm a physically disabled person whose income is about 1/3 the local minimum wage and who is stuck in bed most of the time due to a multisystem chronic illness that gives me intense autoimmune symptoms if I sit up for more than a very short time each day
i know i've received help in the past couple months that i haven't had the band width to send thank yous for because my chronic illness stuff has been really brutal for like 3+ months nonstop rn and i feel super guilty for asking again esp without doing that first but I'm struggling to even keep up w basics rn.
anyways i'm almost out of money and not getting paid for 2 more weeks and would be so grateful if any financially secure adult is willing to help!!
I have a wishlist of cleaning/hygiene supplies and other necessities like masks and covid/flu tests (my 2 most urgent needs), or you could send a walmart card to thatdiabolicalfeminist at gmail dot com if you want to help with groceries or general expenses!!
again, i'm extremely sorry to ask and i'm very grateful for everyone being chill about the situation!
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hockey!abby with the reader being her biggest fan prompt 🫣🫣
click for palestine | boycott tlou!!! | read b4 engaging w me
ok i changed the prompt up a little bit again, but i promisseeeee it's the last time!!!! (it's probably not but shh!!)
you’re almost at every single one of abby’s games. it’s always easy for her to spot you. you’re sectioned off in the front, in one of her old hoodies. at any free moment she has on the ice, abby skates by your section, blowing a kiss, that you eagerly pretend to catch.
but the key word is almost. this is one of the few games you’ve missed since you and abby have been going steady. even when she used to play college hockey, and you had a silly little crush on her, you’d do your best to show up at the games. hiding somewhere in the back row of watchers, but still keeping an eye out for your favorite player.
your absence was definitely noted this game. abby had been missing shots, which was quite unusual for her. her teammates teasing her, asking if she needed her good luck charm. to which her answer is yes. a resounding, bolded, large, all caps, yes.
who was she gonna blow kisses to? who was gonna come rub her back in the locker room after the game? williams better not try it. abby’ll bite her head off, and you’ll never hear the last of it. abby can’t remember the last time she’s played without you watching. you’re her favorite trophy to show off. all pretty, with a wide smile, and gorgeous for her to brandish for anyone who’ll listen.
the game is rough, for a lack of better words. the team loses,by a lot. too much for abby’s liking. she drives home, her fist pounding her steering wheel. occasionally at a red light while releasing anger onto the battered wheel, she hits the horn. stirring her from the storm of anger, and causing a cluster of horns following hers. the cars are speaking for their agitated drivers. abby sighs as she pulls into your shared driveway. the last thing she wants to hear you say is that you watched the game.
she sees your blurred frame on the couch through the window film of the front door. she sees you jolt up as her keys jingle through the hole, unlocking the door. you sit up drowsily, your nose agitated as you’ve been blowing it through the better half of the week. flu season had captured you as it’s latest victim.
“i saw the game baby,” you say with a raspy throat and nasally voice. abby sighs, and allows her head to hang to the floor. she should’ve known better paying for the extra hulu subscription. of course you’d use it. she’s mentally kicking herself. “you played really good baby,” you tell her sitting half up wrapped up in your favorite blanket.
she snorts, “sure,” she replies sarcastically.
“i’d kiss you better but i’m so sick right now, lovie.” you blow her a ton of kisses with your hands, though your dominant limb clutches an array of crumpled tissues.
she catches them, pulling them to her heart. “you miss one game and you’re stealing all my moves?” she raises her eyebrow at you.
you toss your hand at her dismissively. “i’m allowed,” you say with a playful closed lip smile.
“one kiss won’t hurt me,” abby rolls her eyes. pressing a soft one on your forehead, and another to the corner of your mouth. “i’ve built up my immune system,” she tells you offhandedly. “ate dirt when i was a kid,” she laughs to herself. bullshit, but, whatever. “so you saw the game?” she fiddles with her thumbs, and avoids eye contact for a minute. when talking about her sport, this was when you’d catch abby at some of her most vulnerable.
“uhuh,” you tell her after catching a sneeze into the corner of your forearm. “‘scuse me,” you mumble.
“you’re ‘scused pretty,” abby replies while waiting for a further in depth answer than ‘uhuh.’
“you did such a good job baby,” you smile at her tiredly. “you shouldn’t beat yourself up too much. you really can’t win them all.”
“that’s insulting,” she smiles at you. “i definitely can. i just need my good luck charm.”
“i don’t do not a thing. it’s all you on the ice abs. don’t give me too much credit,” you say before having a slew of coughs.
“hey,” abby says putting a stern mask in her voice, “don’t pick on my favorite groupie now,” she burst out into laughter.
“i won’t make a habit of it, if you can make me some hot tea. my throat’s killing me.” abby nods her head, kissing your forehead once more and setting the kettle up. who was she to even deny her biggest fan, same one who stayed up late watching her girl’s game on her deathbed? abby’s mean, but not a monster.
#written by lina ⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson smut#abby anderson#abby anderson x female reader#abby anderson fluff#abby tlou#abby the last of us#abby x you#abby x reader#x reader#ellie williams x reader#joel miller x reader#abby anderson x black!reader#black!writer#black!fem!reader#black!reader#wlw blog#the last of us fluff#the last of us#latina!reader#hockey!abby anderson x reader#hockey!au#hockey!abby x reader#hockey!abby anderson#hockey!abby#fluff#tlou fanfiction#fanfic#ellie the last of us
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‘Jacked and Kind’ Trend with Logan.
•
Requested by: @pegging-slenderman
Pairing: Fem!Reader x Logan Howlett
Synopsis: You do the jacked and kind trend with Logan.
•
Hey guys sorry for my absence I fell sick with the flu and was suffering immensely…..I’m back now but I will probably get supper busy soon so I’ll start to post once a week rather than a few times like before ❤️ thank you so much for all of your love and kind attention! Please to all the other people who have requested things for tangerine and Bungo stray dogs I am working on ALL of them! Please keep requesting.
“Who’s jacked and kind….” When the audio from Sabrina Carpenter’s song broke the silence in you and Logan room for the first time, your boyfriend didn’t pay too much attention to it, peacefully reading his book as he held his cigar in his mouth, the lazy smoke twirling from the burning tip wrapping around Logan’s head. The second time he barely registered it as well. He was too focused on the intriguing plot hidden in between his pages. The 10th time the little snippet of the song sounded, however, Logan could not help but shoot you a glance. You were curled under the bedsheets, facing him as your hand gripped your phone tightly, the light of the videos you were watching dancing across your face. As he observed you, the same few words kept repeating over and over again, the sound finally starting to irk him.
Logan sat his book down on the nightstand, as he slipped the cigar out of his mouth, deciding to hold it between his fingers. “Princess,” he asked, tapping the excess ash in the ashtray precariously balanced on his thigh. The silver dust peppered the once pristine surface, looking like the stars that flecked the night sky. You looked up at him, finally pausing the sound that was jackhammering on Logan’s nerves. “Why have you been playing the same thing over, and over, and over, again? I mean I get liking a song but just 3 seconds of it? A little bit excessive, bub.” He grunted, massaging his temples with his cigar-carrying hand, not minding the ash that delicately sprinkled on his flannel.
You looked down sheepishly, scratching the back of your neck. “Sorry, Logan. It’s this popular trend and I’m kind of obsessed with it.” You explained.
When Logan heard the word trend, his mind shot back to that long April afternoon when he had made the mistake of asking you what TikTok was, as the students in the X mansion seemed to be obsessed with it. You had excitedly sat him down, and explained everything to him for hours, specifically what certain words meant in the specific context of this application. Your eyes sparkled when you talked, and when you had suggested he should download it, Logan had simply barked out a laugh, before looking at you with a smirk. You had sighed, knowing you had lost the battle even before its tentative start.
“Trend,” Logan whispered to himself, remembering you had explained to him that it meant a certain type of video was in fashion for an indefinite amount of time.
“Yes, trend,” you echoed back.
“What’s this one about?” Logan asked, setting the ashtray with the cigar in it on his bed side table. He turned to look at you, wanting to give you his complete attention.
“Well, it’s a song from a singer. She basically says she wants a man who’s jacked and kind.” You explained. Excitement coloring your movements, making you sit up as your hands danced all over of the place, narrating a story with so much detail your boyfriend could almost see it. Logan could do nothing but admire you, his love-drunk heart hanging from your lips as if it were his life-saving medication. You barely noticed, continuing with your explanation. “The trend consists in a woman mouthing the words and right as the audio says ‘jacked and kind,’ the boyfriend, who is standing behind her, will pick her up and place her on his shoulder.” You said, grinning widely. “It’s just so cute and romantic to see the girls sitting so prettily on the men’s shoulder, while he looks so smug he could lift her up. It’s just,” you sighed dreamily. “So perfect.”
You hastily unlocked your phone, turning the screen towards him. “Look at it!” You said, as you shoved it in his face.
Logan observed the various couples do the trend for a few seconds, blinking for a few seconds to adjust to the bright and sudden avalanche of images and sounds. He then lifted his gaze to you. “I don’t see the excitement you see in it, but sure.” He shrugged, going back to take his cigar.
You cuddled back down on the bed, going back to swipe, sighing again, this time with a tinge of sadness. “God, I wish I could do this trend.” You murmured, speaking your thoughts aloud.
“Yeah. Sure sucks to be single.” Logan joked, looking at you with mirth in his gaze.
“That’s not what I meant!” You said, hitting his thigh. “I don’t want to tire you out.”
Logan turned to stare at you, his cigar barely hanging from his lips. “What, you think I’m that weak?” He said, his voice, even if possessing a lilt of a joke, betraying some sort of self consciousness.
You hastily inched closer to him. “No, no. I don’t think you’re weak, Logan. I’m just afraid I’d be too heavy.” You admitted, gesturing to yourself.
“[Y/N], I have a skeleton made of adamantium. You will never be too heavy.” Logan said. He noticed the evident skepticism tricking in your eyes, as sedimented as concrete. “No that’s it.” He said, sliding off the bed. “Get off.”
You stared at him in confusion. Logan looked back at you, raising his eyebrow. You hurriedly got off, standing in front of him, still confused. “What…are you doing?” You asked, as Logan took off his flannel, remaining in just his wife beater. Your eyes, entranced by his bulging, delicious-looking bicep, only managed to reluctantly trail to Logan when he started speaking.
“We’re doing this trend, princess.” Logan said. He leaned down, grabbing your phone and unlocking it. “Here,” he handed it to you. “Set up that TikTok thing or whatever so we can do this. I’ll show you. You’ll win this fucking trend.” He grunted, a twinkle of ambition evident in his confidence stance.
You clasped your phone in your hand, a smile gracing your lips. Pure joy twirled in your eyes, and Logan could have sworn he fell in love with you all over again just because you looked so happy. You threw yourself in Logan’s arms, melting in his embrace. Without even thinking, your boyfriend hugged you back. “Thank you. You always know how to make me feel better.” You spoke into his chest, your voice muffled.
“It’s what I’m here for, bub.” He said, caressing your head before he loosened his embrace. “Now, come on. Let’s do this.” You squealed happily, setting up your phone.
“I pick you up when the song says ‘jacked’, right?” Logan asked.
You nodded. “I’ll jump a bit before that so you can pick me up.”
“Don’t jump.”
“What? How will you manage to put me on your shoulder?”
“Trust me, princess. Don’t jump.” You eyed Logan wearily, but he simply grinned back at you. Unconvinced, you pressed the button, starting the timer.
You ran back to his side, waiting. The second Sabrina Carpenter’s voice filled the air, you mouthed along the lyrics. Right before she airily sung jacked, you had to restrain yourself from jumping, as you anxiously wondered if Logan could pull it off. His warm hands wrapped around your waist, and your heart dipped: either you would get the biggest confidence boost or your self esteem would be utterly destroyed.
Logan started lifting you up. You tried to keep a poker face, fearing you would tumble back to the ground and completely shatter. But nothing like that happened, and Logan picked you up easily, setting you on his shoulder, his bulging muscles making your seat comfortable, and not a tight fit at all. Almost in shock, you finished mouthing the words, while Logan smirked at the camera. The second the video stopped recording, you looked down at your boyfriend in disbelief, finding him to be looking up at you. “Told you. You didn’t even have to jump.”
“Logan, oh my god. You lifted me liked I weighed nothing.” You gasped.
“Because you don’t for me.” Logan said, feeling his chest thump with pride when he saw the rose-red blush dusting your cheeks.
You coughed, not meeting his warm eyes. “H-hey, I’m still up here!” You cried, your words tripping over each other as you clumsily tried to move the topic of conversation to something also.
“Lemme fix that.” Logan said, his voice the note of mischief lurking in his voice.
When Logan’s grasp tightened around your waist you would have thought he would gently set you on the ground. His other hand went to hold your knees instead, and you gracefully slipped from his shoulder into his arms, being carried liked the bride Logan hoped one day you would be. You blinked, looking at him in disbelief. “Logan…what -”
You were shushed by a kiss. He pressed you close to his body, your arms loosening from around his neck and threading through his hair. Your other hand slid down his bicep, squeezing it, digging your nails inside his skin. Logan didn’t quiet the loud moan that erupted from his lips. You whimpered, opening your mouth to let him slip his tongue inside.
You pulled back, shuddering, your voice silky with desire. “If we keep going, you’ll be fucking me standing up soon.” You joked, leaning against his shoulder.
Logan looked at you, raising his eyebrows teasingly. “I’m not….completely….against the idea.” He murmured. His warm hand sliding from underneath your knee to your thigh, squeezing it.
You whimpered, throwing your head back. “I’m not complaining either.”
“Great. Afternoon activity secured.” Logan smirked. You laughed, nuzzling against your boyfriend’s very, very sexy neck.
Needless to say, the ‘jacked and kind’ trend had led you to discover a new position that soon became one of your favorites.
#logan howlet x reader#logan howlet smut#logan xmen#logan x reader#logan wolverine#logan howlett#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine fanfiction#wolverine xmen#wolverine#hugh jackman x y/n#hugh jackman x you#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman fanfic#hugh jackman
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scare | ·˚ ༘ spencer reid ,, (part 4)
synopsis - you’re in a relationship with some one else and have a pregnancy scare, both your own reaction and spencer’s makes you realise that you’re not happy.
part synopsis - you return to work, and a sudden revelation changes everything.
genre - bau!reader x spencer, friends to lovers, r was with someone else, douchebag bf trope, pregnancy scare, angst & fluff, comfort, reader is female with female anatomy and feminine
warnings - pregnancy is the main theme, blood, menstrual cycle, crying, inaccuracies because i have never been pregnant/ever thought i could be pregnant, uneducated reference to abortion: 'stick something up there',
w/c - 2.1k
a/n - last part. im sorry for the long wait and the subpar writing, i lost motiviation for this series and wasnt as into the story as i was before. BUT! i kept going for you guys. thank you <3 if anyone catches my hamilton reference youre my best friend
You hadn’t shown up to work for the week, taking the precious sick leave you had been hoarding and spending it all on arguing and throwing things into cardboard boxes. Not your stuff, but Lloyd's. And Spencer had spent those days pulling at his hair, tapping his fingers on his desk, and watching the automatic glass doors of the bullpen open just to find somebody else.
To everyone else’s knowledge, you simply had a bad stomach bug, but to Spencer it was much more. His stress was just a ticking time bomb waiting to detonate if one more person asks him how you were. Because he didn’t know. Not only were you physically absent from Spencer’s life, but virtually as well. No texts, calls, online likes or tags. It made him think the of the worst possibilities.
That’s where he was now, sat at his desk, finger tapping, leg bouncing, eyes darting from glass doors to blank phone, before he grabbed his phone and started to Hotchner’s office. His steps echoed in the early morning office sepace, patting his sweaty hands down his pants. But he didn’t make it very far before he heard Garcia’s familiar squeal, and your own genuine giggle.
Six days had been the longest you went without seeing Spencer, let alone your entire group, since you got the job. But you couldn’t put such a burden on these people, especially not the one who had seen you break down in his own apartment. To you, this was something you needed to figure out slowly and alone. Alone. Thank god, you were single now.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, just a flu?” Garcia asked, slipping one of her arms into yours and walking you to your desk.
“Stomach bug.” You smiled, patting her hand and sitting down at your desk. You looked at all of your trinkets and photos, happy to see that you never actually put a couple photo on your desk, and happy to see a photo of your team all together instead.
Spencer spun on his heel and widened his eyes, a breath escaping him in relief.
“Y/n.”
You looked up and stared at the man, the bags under his eyes deepened and the creases between his brows appearing like scars.
“Spence, hey.” You smiled as Garcia took his hurried steps as her queue to leave.
“How are you-“
“He’s gone. Sorry you cut you off.” Your hands started fidgeting, you looked askance. Spencer’s eyes betrayed him in his shock, thankfully his lips didn’t betray him in his happiness.
“Oh. That’s great.” Spencer nodded and had to shake the sudden urge to grab your hands and squeeze them. He could feel the possibilities in his fingertips by the second, but he couldn’t lose sight of the bigger issue here. “Are you gonna work a case with us? Are you feeling… better?” He asked with full care in his warm brown eyes.
“Yeah, I’m better. I mean, I’m not great yet but I’m better. Still thinking about things.”
He nodded, but before he could ask anything more, the rest of the team emerged from the elevators.
“Eden Lim, missing for 9 hours after her mother left the front door open to let in fresh air. Power outage in the neighbourhood took out all the air conditionings. Neighbours are either elderly couples or other families.” JJ handed out manila folders and picked up the remote to the Tv screen, showing a photo of a sweet little girl with her mother in a slightly professional set up. Aaron nodded and started, “Wheels up in thirty, JJ organise a meeting with their sheriff and investigators.”
On the plane, you were surprised to say the least. You found out you were pregnant by a sudden sickness, and now, you felt fine. Even though you didn’t get plane sick often, you expected at least a little nausea or maybe a headache. But honestly? You felt fine. Maybe you were a superwoman, one of the rare lucky mothers that don’t get sick often.
That’s what starts to distract you, the thought of the future. You didn’t know anything about pregnancy, let alone parenting. The last time you babysat was for Emily’s cat. Your hands started sweating and you bit the inside of your lip to attempt a suppression of nerves, but you obviously weren’t slick enough.
Hotch sends a glance your way, “You okay, Y/n?”
You smile softly, “Yeah, just the plane is kinda waking up my stomach.”
He nodded, seemingly accepting of that answer, and you gave yourself a mental fist bump.
You try to refocus on the case, but another factor is making this specific one harder.
Eden.
The top name on your baby name list since you were 16, the one you sort of planned to use without much second thought. The one who belongs to a missing child.
A young man who had just lost his son stole Eden, took her to his house, and treated her well. He was a father who had suffered loss, and took from someone else in the same way so that he wasn’t alone in his feelings.
Something about that felt slightly relatable. If Lloyd knew how you were feeling, maybe he would understand the weight on your shoulders.
You walked with Spencer to your desk, the aura around you both feeling like it was going back to normal, just with another layer on top. The secret kept between you two, a bigger one than any of the others. You flicked your small, dark green scarf over your shoulder, the difference in temperature from the case hitting you harder than usual.
Spencer slipped his satchel over his shoulder and sent you a smile. You felt a spin in your stomach because of the sight, and looked down to hide your face discreetly. You heard a small clear of the throat and then Spencer’s voice,
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Every time the victims name was mentioned, you sniffled, you rubbed your arm, or took a harder breath. Why is that?”
You widened your eyes, nearly laughing at the question. You had no idea Spencer was paying that much attention to you. Honestly, you thought he was going out of his way to avoid you to lower the chances of the team getting suspicious.
“Oh, it’s just uh. Eden has been on my baby name list since I was a teenager.”
Spencer’s shoulders tensed slightly, and his mouth opened as he nodded. His heart broke a little more. And he realised this was the first time you two were having a conversation since the night you stayed at his apartment. Not only was it making it real for you, it was making it real for him. Although, he had already vowed to himself that he would help you out with anything you needed, he doubted his mental capacity to take care of a baby made from the women he loves and a man he despises.
You both started walking to the elevator, always the last two in the office before Hotch, and you subconsciously stayed close to him. A pang hit your lower stomach that you pushed down.
“How are you doing, physically and mentally?” Spencer pushed the button with the down arrow, and looked down at you. His hair was slightly ruffled, his tie askew, but his eyes were how they always were when they looked at you, full. Full of care, of adoration, of worry, of knowing. Full of… something that could ruin both of you if he made the wrong decisions.
You took a breath and had to tear your gaze off of his, “Well, like I said, I broke up with Lloyd. He didn’t want to be a father, and when I told him I didn’t know what to do with the… baby, he said… he said… he told me to ‘stick something up there’ if I couldn’t afford another way.”
Spencer felt a rush of rage wash over him, his cheeks reddening and his hands fidgeting harder by the second. How could he?
“Basically, the opposite of how you reacted,” you laughed but it didn’t last long.
“Y/n… why haven’t you told me about him before? I didn’t even know you had been talking to guys until you were already dating one of them. If you told me about him I could’ve… I don’t know.”
“Open my eyes?” You smile sadly, and nod. “If I told you about him, and about how he acted… it was kind of like complaining about a sapling to an oak tree. Complaining about a page to a library. Complaining about a dickhead to…” You shook your head, “I felt embarrassed. And, I want you to think highly of me. But I guess after all of this, I can’t really help it anymore.”
Spencer stopped you in front of the elevator and took your hands, he looked at you with concern, and a bit of anger.
“Y/n I don’t hate you, or think any lesser of you just because you’re… pregnant, or because you were with a bad guy. I think that, while it’s true I think Lloyd is a terrible guy and I don’t see a lot of logic in staying with him, it was your own decision. I’ll always respect that.” He glanced down to his hand holding yours and let go of it.
Your eyes widened, panic shot across your face.
“Y/n?” The elevator doors opened.
“I need to go to the bathroom.” You turned and ran to the toilet, hearing Spencer’s steps behind yours a moment later. He called your name, asked you if you felt sick, and it made him feel guilty for making you stress in a time like this.
He hadn’t fully processed that you weren’t just his best friend, his love, but his pregnant best friend.
You pushed on the ladies bathroom door hard and darted for a toilet stall. There is no way I’m peeing my pants in front of Spencer Reid.
You closed the stall, and soon heard Spencer enter the bathroom with no hesitation to the fact it was a women’s room. “Do you need to hold your hair up?”
And even though the offer played with your heart, you quickly denied him, “No, Spencer, I’m not sick. I just needed to…”
You wiped, and suddenly you felt dizzy. Red.
Red?
“Blood…” you whispered to yourself. "Oh my... god."
“Blood!? Y/n, should you go to the hospital?” He stood closer to the door as his heart rate picked up.
You stood up, pulled up your pants and opened the door. Spencer nearly fell into you.
You screwed your eyebrows together in confusion, and all at once a million feelings hit you. Hatred, sadness, depression, heart break, hope, denial, acceptance… relief. You looked down, unable to look at Spencer as your heart quickened, and covered your mouth with your shaking hand.
“Spencer, I’m on my period.”
His big eyes searched yours, looking down and over your face and body and it was like watching him piece a puzzle together. “You’re not…”
You shook your head, and a wave of relief hit you all at once, tears hitting you like a tsunami, your arms wrapping around Spencer’s shoulders like unforgiving ropes. He stilled for a moment, before reciprocating the tight embrace, a breath of air leaving him in the contact. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripping at your work shirt causing wrinkles to appear between his fingers. His large palm warmed your back in soothing strokes before they laid tightly around your ribcage. Honestly, hugging you was a big thing he had been thinking about in your absense - they were always genuine.
You let go and smiled at Spencer widely, the first one you gave him genuinely in too long a time. Spencer placed a hand on your cheek and wiped a tear gently, smiling back at you.
“Oh, Spencer, I’m so… sorry.”
He stopped in his tracks and widened his eyes, “Why?”
“I made you worry for so long-“
“Hey, a false positive is not your fault. You had a less than 1 percent chance of getting one so it’s no wonder it didn’t cross your mind. My mind, as well.” His heart swelled as you two looked into each others eyes. Happy, relieved, suddenly aware of how close you two were to each other.
Spencer dropped his hand, and looked down with a cough. “I’m happy for you, Y/n.”
You nodded with a shy smile, and turned to look back at the toilet, “Well, I’m gonna… you know… take care of this and then… do you wanna get a drink? I need to... I need somewhere that's not my apartment to think about this.”
He blushed slightly, realising where he was, and picked up his satchel, “Yes, of course. Do you want to go to mine? We can pick up drinks on the way?”
"That would be amazing, thank you Spence." "Anything for you."
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