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strawwritesfic · 6 months

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Kelvin!Spock x Female!Human!Reader: Mr. Right

Summary: When one door closes, another opens—perhaps the door you were meant to enter all along.

Warnings/Tags: Starship Enterprise; post-Star Trek Beyond; friends to lovers; breakup; almost kiss; counselor!reader; Star Trek: The Original Series references; Star Trek: The Next Generation references

Relationships: Spock/Reader; Spock & Nyota Uhura; past!Spock/Nyota Uhura; past!Kevin Riley/Reader

Challenge: “160 Collective Drabbles” challenge by BobaPop on Lunaescence Archives.

Requester: @lovemesomeescapism

Tag List: @imaginesfire

Notes: For once, this is not a repost for this challenge…technically. I did write a response to the prompt "Mr. Right" ages ago, but when I was reposting, I decided that the Now You See Me one shot I wrote really wasn't worth keeping. Someone on Tumblr asked me for a Spock one shot, so I slipped him in as a replacement.

It's been a really long time since I finished something new. I realize that I am rusty. This is actually several drafts into attempts to write this one shot. For the first time ever, I actually cannibalized previous drafts while trying to get the meandering dialogue and point back on track. It still doesn't feel quite "right" to me, but it's probably going to take some time before I get back in the swing of things, and I'm ready to let this one go.

Mr. Right

Throughout Terra's history, human beings had sought the comfort of white noise. Quiet droning sounds proved beneficial for many aspects of mental health in the species. As a counselor on board the U.S.S. Enterprise, you'd recommended listening to white noise to dozens of fellow crewmates and patients alike. The best way to do this in the deep space you'd all been exploring for nearly five years was to turn everything in one's quarters down until the low hum of the ship's warp drive became audible. Many of those crewmates and patients reported back to you with decreased stress levels, improved mood, and a distinct uptick in ability to concentrate. Almost all of them said they got better sleep.

Now you learned that every single one of them had lied to you.

You'd spent the better part of the evening-adjacent hours lying face-down on your sofa, trying and failing to take a nap. The scratchy, standard-issue pillow beneath your face was soaked with tears. Your chest ached. Worst of all, any attempt on your part to get your mind off what upset you just ended with you crying harder. All the while, that awful rumble went on and on and on and on relentlessly, allowing you no respite long enough to drift off and forget your current predicament.

A chime cut through your misery. You paused without so much as lifting your head. As of three hours prior, you were officially off duty for the day. Nothing required you to answer the door unless an order came down from a superior officer, and they would call first. Probably it was only Uhura coming by to check on you. Having been through her own breakup during this voyage, surely she would understand when you didn't let her inside.

The chime sounded again, and with it came a surge of possibilities flooding your mind. What if your visitor was dealing with a crisis? Cases of PTSD had been on the rise since the events on Altamid. You could hardly ignore that in favor of your own small, personal crisis. Off duty or not, your role as a ship's counselor would not allow you to wallow in self-pity when someone might need your help.

As your boots hit the floor, you pressed one sleeve of your rumpled blue uniform to the corner of each eye. The gesture wouldn't do much to disguise what you'd been doing over the course of your time off, but you felt a little steadier afterward. Breathing deeply in and out helped too—until you hiccuped. But you could prepare yourself no more. Squaring your shoulders, you stood, walked over to the door leading to the corridor, and opened it.

Just outside stood the familiar, lanky figure of the ship's science officer. The second you spotted him, you wiped your sleeve across your face with greater urgency.

"You're not one of my patients," you said, "or Uhura."

"A very astute observation, Lieutenant [L Name]," Spock replied.

A long moment elapsed during which the two of you stared at one another. Several fellow crewmates in various uniform colors threw curious looks at his back as they passed by on their ways to wherever they were headed. Your friend, meanwhile, allowed a single dark eyebrow to drift toward his hairline. He clearly had no intention of moving on.

"What are you doing here?" you sighed at last.

The wayward eyebrow rejoined its brother. "Lieutenant Commander Uhura informed me that you left your office this afternoon in distress. I note that her assessment was an accurate one. If anything, you appear to be in more distress now than she described to me then."

You couldn't lie to Spock, not when you looked the way you looked after a crying jag like the one you'd just had. So you didn't bother to try. "Fine. I'm in distress. But really, Spock, it's not the kind of distress you can help with. I'm sure Captain Kirk will need you on a landing party any minute now, so if you'll excuse me—"

"Lieutenant Commander Uhura also informed me of the cause of your distress."

"Of course she did." Sometimes you wished your two friends were a little lighter on the "amicable" part of "amicable exes." "Let me guess: You came by to tell me that you told me so."

"As a Vulcan, I have no reason to rub my correct prediction in your face, if you will forgive the Terra colloquial."

You let out a wet laugh despite yourself. "You're pardoned."

"What I have done is stopped by the mess hall. If I am not much mistaken, ice cream is a traditional consolation food in these types of situations."

He produced from behind his back a number of different colored tapes. So startled were you that you found yourself unable to say anything. Never in a million years would you have imagined Spock of all people standing in front of you and offering you junk food of all things. Your silence went on for so long that he had to prompt you to speak:

"Was I incorrect in my understanding of how to handle Terran breakups?"

"No," you said, then, "I just didn't want you to find out about the breakup until I could pull myself together."

"I surmised as much, given that Lieutenant Commander Uhura found out about your circumstances before I did, although you and I are closer friends. It would have been more logical for you to contact me for assistance than her."

Vulcans as a whole were difficult to read. Even factoring in your education and training, as well as your friendship with Spock that had gone on for several years now, you could only guess his feelings the majority of the time. Not so then. Something about his tone made him sound hurt. Maybe you could chalk that up to projecting your own feelings onto him, but you couldn't risk that assumption.

"It's just that you warned me against dating Kevin," you explained. "As ship's counselor, I should have seen the end coming a kiloparsec away."

"Perhaps. But one might also say that your extensive proximity to the crew's emotions might cause some loss in objectivity on your part."

"So you're not here to make me feel worse?"

"I came for consolation purposes. That is all."

"Well, all right, then."

You stepped away from the doorway. Spock followed you in. He paused only long enough to press the button to close the door before he came to join you in your sitting room. A crate sat on the floor along his path, and he looked at you questioningly as he walked by it.

"Those are Kevin's things," you said.

"Expedient," he observed.

Normally, you might have tried to go for a little more decorum around him, but that day you didn't have the energy to do more than flop back onto your couch. At least you were upright. Spock, on the other hand, claimed a dignified perch at the end of your chair. The two of you certainly made an odd pair.

"He had so many hair products!" you burst out when the awkward silence turned unbearable. "I should have known we wouldn't work out. Who brings that much hair spray into deep space?"

"Humanity can hardly be expected to iron out all its flaws when you all cling so hard to your baser emotions."

"Do you mean Kevin's desire to look nice, or my need to be in a relationship?"

Spock blinked, then smoothly said, "In this case, I refer to your former beau's preoccupation with personal grooming."

"Right. Either way, I'm about ready to get rid of all my own baser emotions. Not feeling them would be a blessing." You got back to your feet and thrust one hand in Spock's direction. "Ice cream tape, please."

He offered one to you.

"Spock," you said warningly.

"I do not believe that heartbreak is an excuse to overeat. I only brought so many because I was unsure which flavor you would select."

The glare you leveled at him seemed to make him think better of lecturing you on the dangers of gluttony—as well it should have. This was the same glare that you gave Dr. McCoy when you were tired of listening to him. Unlike with Dr. McCoy, you smiled once Spock dropped the rest of the tapes into your outstretched hand.

"Thank you." You headed for your in-quarters food producer, then turned your head to ask over your shoulder, "What flavor do you want?"

"I do not require ice cream."

"Come on, Spock. If you're going to spend the evening commiserating with me, you have to have some ice cream, too. That's a critical part of the Terran breakup process."

One corner of his mouth twitched. "I'll have pistachio, then."

You fed the yellow-green tape into the slot. A quiet beeping noise covered the hum of the warp drive as the computer worked. While you waited, you flipped through the remainder of the flavors until you found the one you wanted.

"I don't think it would be a good idea for you to give up emotions," Spock said.

"Huh?" Frowning at him, you replaced his tape with yours. "Aren't you the guy that's been talking about doing the Kolinahr when we get back to Earth?"

"That's different. I am a Vulcan."

"Half Vulcan."

"Vulcan enough."

A shriller beep put an end to this potentially sticky subject. The ice creams were ready. You dumped the rest of the tapes in a basket next to the food producer, picked up the bowls, and brought them back to the living room. Spock took his with a grateful nod, though he waited until you sat down again before taking a bite.

"Maybe I'd be a better counselor if I didn't have emotions," you mused. "If I wasn't blinded by my own feelings, I could help the crew more with theirs. I shouldn't have the same problems as they do after all the studying I've done."

"While that may indeed make sense, it is hardly realistic. Besides, if you did not have your human emotions, you would no longer be the [Name] that I know, and I believe that I would miss her."

You couldn't help but smile around the spoon in your mouth. Popping that out, you said, "I bet you say that to all the Terrans you like."

"Hardly. In fact, that captain may benefit from an hour or two without his usual emotions."

"I appreciate you saying that, Spock."

"I am only speaking the truth. I have no intention of bolstering your ego artificially, even if doing so is a part of the Terran breakup process."

"I know." You slowly lowered your spoon back to the bowl, staring off into space. Something was dawning on you—something that might have dawned on you sooner had you not been so enthralled with your own feelings. "You know what else I appreciate? You coming here to help me today. Not every first officer would go out of their way for a ship's counselor like that."

Spock fixed you with an unblinking gaze as he said, "You mean a great deal more to me than most ship's counselors mean to their first officers."

"I don't care what Captain Kirk says. You sure know how to make a woman blush."

"I have had some practice with the activity."

"Remind me to thank Uhura later."

"Thank her for what?" Spock asked.

Maybe you were reading the signs wrong. Maybe you were just desperate. If he had to ask, you had to be wrong. But you took a deep breath anyway, and said, "Helping me realize that maybe the guy I've been looking for this whole time has been my best friend all along."

How could it have taken you this long to work it out? No one else spent as much time with you as Spock did, not outside of your office hours. It didn't matter if you were in the mess hall asking for a round of Fizzbin after dinner or you wanted a quiet night in your quarters. He always seemed to be there. You felt comfortable around him. Maybe you didn't always understand Spock; maybe Spock didn't always understand. But you didn't enjoy anyone's company the way you did his. And you had to wonder when your eyes met just then if he felt the same way, and if this coming-to-see-you-with-ice-cream thing was his way of showing you that.

"Well," he moistened his lips before going on, "I certainly feel that our relationship is founded more steadily upon mutual interests and desires than it is upon a passion for hair products."

You leaned forward. "You know, that sort of relationship sounds really appealing right about now."

"It does?" Spock shifted closer to you.

"I think it's about time that I dated someone whose first thought in the morning isn't beating me to the sonic shower, don't you?"

By that time, you both had come so close that it wouldn't have taken much more movement on either of your parts to touch lips. Your heart gave a painful leap inside your chest. Was this too much too fast? Even if you had just realized you'd had a thing for Spock for a while now, you had only just broken up with your last boyfriend that morning. Treating Spock as a rebound was the last thing you wanted to do. He didn't seem to mind, though. His mouth drew closer and closer to yours until you could feel his breath on your face.

The communicator in your room chirped. You jumped. Spock paused before sitting back up in his chair. Then you rose wordlessly, stepped over to the panel, cleared your throat, and pushed the button.

"[L Name]," you said.

"[Name]?" Uhura did not remark on how breathless you sounded, thankfully. "I need to talk to Spock."

"It's for you," you said unnecessarily. Spock had already reset his face into its typical blank mask and made his way to the communicator himself.

"Spock here. What is it, Lieutenant Commander?"

"Captain Kirk needs you on the bridge. We have a situation up here."

"What kind of a situation?"

"There's a former United States President floating outside the ship. He says he needs our help."

"I will be there right away."

A second chirp signaled that communications between your room and the bridge had ceased. Spock turned back to you.

"My presence is needed on the bridge," he said.

"So I heard."

"I apologize. I believe we were in the middle of something."

"It's all right."

He didn't move.

"Spock, go. Don't you want to know why a deceased historical figure has asked for the Enterprise's help?"

"I'd prefer to stay here," Spock said. "But you are correct. I must leave. Will you still be here later tonight?"

"Yeah." You surprised yourself with the eagerness of your answer. "Yeah, I will. I promise I won't run off with any other lieutenants while you're away. I'll save the rest of the ice cream. We can share it when you get back."

There it was: The slight curl to Spock's mouth that told you that you weren't making up the mutual attraction between you both after all. "To use another Terran phrase, it's a date."

He hesitated another moment longer before he quickly exited your quarter. You grinned as the door slid shut behind him and the white noise returned full force. As you sunk into your couch and pillow this time, you found you didn't mind the hum as much. In fact, the sound did exactly what it was supposed to do: Relax you. Kevin and his excuses from that morning felt farther away than your own home planet. Maybe you owed him a thank you, too, because if you were still with him, you wouldn't have slept as well as you did that night knowing that Spock would be back soon.

#fan fic #straw writes #reader insert #second person pov #star trek #star trek beyond #challenge response #request #spock #spock x reader #spock x you #spock x y/n #star trek x reader #star trek x y/n #star trek you #kelvin universe

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roosteraloha · 9 months

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in sickness

jake seresin x reader

wc - 3k

warnings - talks of poor mental health, not looking after yourself, chronic pain discussions, a lot of angst but also a lot of fluff !!

disclaimer - ANY BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED!! I also DO NOT give permission for any of my works to be copied, shared, compiled, translated or posted onto other sites!!

a/n - I hope this fic can provide you a bit comfort, whether you experience chronic pain or not!! life is terrible right now and this is my little bit of comfort while I get through this flare up. pls always take care of yourselves <3

comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

You had been feeling off for a while. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly when this feeling started, it just did. And it sucked. Usually a bright and hard working individual, you now felt more like a shell of who you used to be - more than you ever had before.

With no family around, this was the year you’d truly be alone for the holiday season. A welcome change to the fake smile you’d plaster on, anything to avoid more for your family to pick you apart for. Anything to avoid being seen as the family failure even more.

Working part time as a barista while you continued your studies at a new campus, began merely as a way to pay rent and pay the remaining tuition, which failed to be covered by your scholarships. Now, your work was a chance to escape both from your family issues and your school work, a chance to just be.

A few months into living in San Diego, you’d developed a much needed routine; classes in the day, serving regulars at the little café, then studying more when you got home.

There was one regular at the café that always made your smile a bit brighter, a real smile, rather than the fake customer service one that you had perfected.

A tall, blonde aviator.

He arrived like clockwork every single day, ordered the same drink and pastry each day, and something you noticed the longer you worked there, only gave his signature wink and drawl of “Thanks darlin’” to you. A fact that gave you a flutter of butterflies each time he walked through the door.

It had taken you a few months to work up the courage to accept his invitation of a date, ironically he insisted on just going for a coffee (or any drink you'd prefer, as he insisted), which then progressed to him regularly joining you at the café on your late shifts. Jake was the absolute definition of a gentleman, opening and holding doors for you, insisting on walking you home, saying “I couldn’t sleep not knowing if you got home safe darlin’”.

It made your heart flutter to have the attention of such a man. You’d imagined that this type of love would only ever exist in cheesy romance books, but Jake exceeded even those standards and expectations.

Having Jake in your life was a blessing. One that you would never take for granted. Even on your bad days.

It wasn’t that you were intentionally ignoring Jake, it was more the fact that you instinctively knew that as soon as you let him get a proper answer from you, he’d instantly know something was wrong and immediately try and fix it. Something your younger self would crave, but now, you couldn’t find it in you to care. Going from class to class, then to work, picking up extra shifts just to occupy your mind, leaving earlier and earlier, coming home later and later.

It was a good thing you lived alone and hadn’t caved to Jake’s repeated attempts to get you to move in with him, which realistically would be the best idea both for your commute and your relationship, not to mention that you slept over at his place almost daily. However, this flare up of poor moods and anxiety, was clouding your logical view, and you refused each and every plea from your loving boyfriend. You knew he was only looking out for you, but you couldn’t help the irritation that prickled up stronger with each invitation. The insinuation that you couldn’t look after yourself, that you needed someone to take care of you. A snappy comment lodged in your throat, but finding yourself too detached to even voice it.

Living alone provided you with the much needed sanctuary where you could just be. Somewhere you didn’t need to worry about someone seeing just how badly you were suffering on a day to day basis. You knew deep down, that living with Jake would better for you both, but you had particularly stubborn streak that had developed from the constant dismissal of your feeling from your family. Jake, you knew would never be like them, he was far too observant to not notice, and far too caring to let you suffer alone.

It wasn’t until Jake cornered you on your mandatory day off that he finally found the perfect opportunity to get to the bottom of your sudden emotional polarity. He’d cleared the leave with Cyclone, citing a hurried mention of a ‘family emergency’, which to Jake this was, and consequently receiving the next week off without any further explanation.

Knowing your penchant for burying any negative feelings, and faking your way through your days off which aligned with his in the past, Jake followed his normal morning routine. An early wake up call, one which to his growing concern, you were seemingly awake before, a bland breakfast of toast and coffee, then heading to his truck, backing out his truck, then instead of the usual commute to base, Jake parked at the end of the street and waited an hour before heading back.

Jake was greeted by a silent home. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that there was nobody home, but your keys were still by the door, your shoes messily stacked by the coat hooks, everything in the exact place as when he left.

Frowning, he makes his way through the house, scanning every room for any signs that you had moved from your curled position on the bed, the one you hadn’t moved from since you got home the night before.

There was a small crack in the paint of Jake’s bedroom wall.

A minute crack really.

Just to the right of the bedroom door, creeping up from the baseboards. Barely noticeable to anyone else, but you have been so fixated on it, unable to tear your gaze away from it. A quick lick of paint, even one of those tester rollers that Jake kept in his toolbox would do it. But yet again, you couldn’t find it in you to care.

Huffing at nothing in particular, you blink slowly, your eyes drying out from your blank, unwavering stare, the blood vessels shot around your irises, irritated more with each blink.

Jake slowly pushes the bedroom door open, having paused to watch your empty stare, growing more concerned with each passing minute. On your best days, you weren’t known to be the most bubbly and social person, but still made the effort anyway. Now? Now Jake was halfway to calling in reinforcements, in whatever way he could to try and get through to you, even if you hated him afterwards.

His slow pace to your side was an effort to not startle you, he needn’t have worried, you didn’t even flinch, like you normally did, when he pressed a gentle kiss to your exposed shoulder.

Having come from a very complex family, with a concerning lack of physical contact, you often found yourself flinching away from people, getting overwhelmed when people refused to give you space, getting frustrated with your feelings, unable to communicate your desires and needs for physical interaction, romantic or platonic. It was something that Jake had easily picked up on, quickly learning your tells, learning exactly what you craved, without you having to explicitly say anything at all.

Sighing, Jake decided to take a risk, you have been known to lash out in the past, whenever you haven’t been warned about incoming physical contact. Exhaling slowly, praying to whatever he could, Jake slid his hand gently up your arm, getting you used to his touch before pulling you up into a sitting position, crouching before you, directly in your eye line.

Jake nudged you gently, trying to get a response from you. startling from the movement, your gaze darts from the paint crack to Jake’s hand on your knee. Goosebumps erupt across your arms as you focus on the sensation of his large, warm hand on your skin. Feeling your muscles tense under his hand, he rubs his thumb in soothing circles, trying to placate your instinct to flinch away.

Breath hitching in your throat, you instinctively jolt backwards, away from Jake. He exhales loudly, disappointed and slightly hurt that you still have this reaction to him after all this time. Jake has always been the perfect boyfriend, always there to be supportive, even when you often feel that you don’t deserve it.

Having zoned back into reality, you refuse to make eye contact with Jake, instead keeping him in your periphery as you cautiously shuffle back towards him. Jake raises an eyebrow at the sudden change, it was highly unusual for you to even try and instigate physical proximity, where this would normally be a good thing, today, it added to his growing concern that you were not okay. Far from it.

Jake tried and failed to catch your eye line, eyes darting away from him with each attempt. Deciding on a different approach, Jake knelt from his crouched position, “Darlin’ when was the last time you ate?” A halfhearted shrug was the only response, while an improvement, Jake’s heart ached knowing you needed his help and support desperately, but knew you were too nervous and stubborn to ask on a good day, that today he stood no chance of getting a response from you.

Feeling a wave of confidence, you flicked your eyes over to Jake, scanning his features, taking in his clear concern and worry about you. Heart pounding in your chest, you anxiously clench your hand tightly into a fist a few times, before slowly reaching your hand out to Jake, quickly retracting it as you begin to overthink it.

Brows furrowed, Jake moves to sit beside you, leaving a space between you, softly smiling in encouragement as your eyes follow his movements and then slowly turn your body to face him.

“What do you need from me right now?” His voice quiet, yet steady and comforting. Another weak shrug. Registering the increasing frustration in Jake’s expression, you shakily reach out for his hand, intertwining your fingers and taking in all the calluses and faint scars on his hand, finding the simple contact immediately calming, feeling bold enough to express your want.

A gentle tug on his hand, your hand slowing moving up his arm, then round his waist, climbing slowing and shakily into his lap, curling up his strong embrace, nuzzling your head into his chest. Jake stayed still in disbelief, this was everything he dreamed you’d one day be comfortable to ask for, never mind instigate of your own will. Smiling to himself in pride, he readjusts his position on the edge of his bed, a soothing hand in your hair, scratching lightly at your scalp, something that Jake had noticed eaisly helped you relax. After a few moments your muscles slowly began to relax and eyes growing heavy.

The rapid succession of sneezes and soft whimpers that Jake woke to in the afternoon, alerted him to the root cause of your recent lack of responsiveness. A soft grumble was followed by you curling back into Jake’s side, nuzzling into his warmth, finding comfort from him wherever you could.

In the entire span of your relationship, Jake can only recall you being sick a handful of times. Perhaps something to do with your insistence of maintaining your personal space Jake has always thought, but you sick was an experience, one that Jake hated. Thinking back over the past few weeks, the warning signs that you were getting sick, were now glaringly obvious and Jake was mentally kicking himself for not paying close enough attention.

Gathering the various medicines from his bathroom, ones that he had previously taken note of that seemed to help ease your symptoms the best. Jake sets the various bottles and packets on the bedside table, picking one at random to try and convince you to take.

Narrowing your bloodshot eyes at Jake, you shake your head vehemently, an action you quickly regret. Clutching at your head in agony, you whimper quietly, shifting back towards Jake, burying your head in the crook of his neck and clinging to him like a lifeline.

Gently coaxing you out from your comfortable position, Jake’s heart broke knowing he’s asking you to do the opposite of everything you’d been working on together. Eyes glassy with unshed tears, you try to cling to the comfort of his embrace, confused as to why Jake was forcing you away from him. Unable to think logically in your pained state, you took this as a rejection, promptly turning away from Jake, putting as much distance between you both as his king sized bed allowed.

A pill is placed firmly in your hand, a chance to take it yourself, one you instantly refused, tossing the pill over your shoulder, hopefully somewhere in Jake’s direction, you couldn’t really find it in you to care.

A startled yelp leaves your lips as you’re manhandled by Jake, your back now resting against his chest, a firm arm across your waist, keeping you close in his hold. You were too weak to fight him anyway, but Jake took the precaution anyway.

He knows you.

Much to your chagrin, another pill is placed in the palm of your hand. Craning your neck to see Jake’s motives, you’re annoyed to see a blank expression, all he does is gesture to the pill in your hand, and look away from you completely.

Having suffered from chronic pain for years, you despise each pill you have to take, from many years of doctors just giving you pill after pill without listening to your concerns. Now you find yourself avoiding doctors, or any medication wherever you can. Jake knew this, it was something discussed early on in your relationship, not wanting him to feel ignored when you inevitably had a flare up and consequently spent the next week or two in bed recovering, which is why you feel so hurt when he keeps insisting on you taking this medication.

When your equally blank stare at Jake goes on too long, he sighs heavily, pulling you back with him as he leans back against the headboard. Feeling the rumble of his low voice behind you had a surprisingly soothing effect, “Darlin’. Please just let me take care of you.”

When that didn’t produce a response, “C’mon darlin’, it’s breaking my heart to see you in so much pain.”

Turning in his hold, cupping his cheek with your hand momentarily, causing him to flinch at how cold you felt, slowly sitting, reaching for the pill and quickly swallowing the bitterness with the glass of water that jake insisted you keep by the bed whenever you’d stay over. Several kisses are pressed across your hairline and forehead, soft mumblings of praise continue as you settle back in his arms.

“I know how much you hate taking them, but you have to in order to get better darlin’.” Scoffing in disapproval, and resentment of your boyfriend yet again being right, results in Jake wrapping his arms even tighter around you, careful of any known sensitive areas, pressing more gentle kisses to the top of your head.

“Before you get too comfortable, we’ve got to get you something to eat. God knows when you last ate a proper meal.”

You swallowed cautiously, “That time you cooked your grandmother’s recipe.”

Silence.

You felt him tense behind you, sitting up straighter, gentle fingers at your chin in an effort for you to look at him.

“Sweetheart… That was almost a week ago.”

Shrugging, you try a nonchalant approach, knowing Jake would not like the answer, “I eat stuff at the café and in between classes when I can. I just don’t have time to cook a full meal anymore Jake.”

Exasperated, Jake pulls you to stand, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders, then taking your hand gently and leading downstairs to the kitchen. He busies himself, after seating you on the counter, checking cupboards and the fridge to see what he could pull together for you both. Settling on something basic, he gets to cooking, something he enjoys. Not that Jake liked to openly share this with his fellow aviators, in case of any ribbing and teasing, yet another reason he had been overly cautious as to not introduce you to the group already.

The delectable scents wafting in your direction results in several rumbles from your stomach, a light blush stains your cheeks when Jake glanced in your direction with a teasing smile. Shrugging playfully in response brings a bright grin to Jake’s face, the one that always has you smiling along with him, because how could you be sad when he looked at you like that, with that much love in his eyes just for you?

One lovingly home cooked meal later, you’re yet again tucked into Jake’s side in his bed, considerably more relaxed than when Jake left in the morning. With the self-reflection that you’d both started to keep your relationship healthy, you knew you weren’t the best at looking after yourself, which only got worse during a flare up or sickness. Jake however, was your constant. A strong caring and protective streak, you would never suffer alone again.

“I missed this. I missed you. Can we stay like this for just a bit longer?” You murmur quietly into his chest, arms tightening around his waist.

“Of course darlin’,” Jake places a soft kiss on the crown of your head.

“You don’t even need to ask.”

While there were some days that you felt so isolated and a burden, those days were notably fewer now that you had Jake in your life.

You just didn’t know that Jake vowed from the day you confessed your struggles that he would always be there to look after you.

In sickness and in health.

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#allina writes #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin x you #jake hangman seresin #hangman x you #jake seresin fic #top gun maverick fic #tgm fanfiction

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sirfrogsworth · 2 years

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The Decision

Taking care of my dad has been challenging but probably the most rewarding thing I've ever done. In the past year I've had to push myself beyond my limits, beyond my illness, and do everything I could to make sure my dad was comfortable as his body slowly failed him.

I hadn't driven in over a decade, but he needed to get to dialysis so I took the entire driving test like a teenager in order to get my license again. I had to move out of my cozy basement command center and upstairs into the light. I hate the light. Much too bright. Since then we have been spending almost every second of every day together. This causes us to get on each others' nerves on occasion. But most of the time we are happy to have each others' company.

My job is mostly supervision and problem solving. I watch him to make sure he doesn't fall. But if he did fall, I needed a way to get him back up. So I found an electric chair lift. I just scoot his butt on and raise him back up. If he had a medical problem, I would figure out which doctor could help him. If his feet were cold, I would find battery-powered heated slippers to keep his toes toasty. Our house is filled with little solutions I found to make him as comfortable and safe as possible.

If he needs help with anything I am always right there to assist. It's usually little things, but for him, sometimes little things can be impossible things.

I was proud to do this and I believe it brought us closer than we have ever been.

Wednesday morning the surgery team came to visit my dad and look at his foot. They told me they cannot save the foot. My dad would need a below-the-knee amputation. This would require two months of grueling, painful rehab. Then another month or two for him to adjust to a prosthetic leg. Which he may not be able to tolerate with his balance issues.

Then the lung doctor came in. He said my dad's breathing could improve, but probably not to a comfortable degree. He explained with my dad's congestive heart failure getting worse, he is probably looking at another six months to a year of life, but only if everything with the amputation goes well.

I asked the lung doctor if this was all worth it. Four months of painful recovery from amputation just to live another two months? He said a reasonable person could decide it is worth it. That some people want to squeeze every second out of life. But another reasonable person might decide that quality of life is more important than length of life.

My dad has been unhappy with his health struggles for a while now. Dialysis is just awful. He sits in a chair for four hours, three times per week, and comes home absolutely wiped out. He sleeps for two to three hours and then feels miserable the rest of the night. Sometimes he will recover from the dialysis and then it is time to get more dialysis. Sundays were his only real day of rest because he had an extra day of recovery time.

He has breathing difficulties and they are getting worse. He can't take deep breaths so his lungs keep filling with CO2. The CO2 exacerbates his delirium and confusion. He has to wear an uncomfortable BiPAP breathing mask for hours to get rid of the CO2. Once the CO2 is blown off, he switches to high flow oxygen in his nose. The CO2 builds up again... back to the BiPAP. It has become a vicious cycle.

He is constantly trying to right his balance when he walks. He has arthritis pain that never stops. And because his circulation is so bad, his extremities are always either tingling or stinging him with neuropathy pain. Those heated slippers were his only refuge.

His depression is obvious. He curses at every little inconvenience. Every dropped pill due to his hands not working. Every time he bumps into the wall with his walker. Every time he fails to stand up, having to try multiple times. Everything frustrates him.

He hates being tethered to oxygen. He feels trapped in a 50 foot radius. He constantly wishes for nothing more than to go outside and take his riding mower for a spin.

I try to entertain him with new movies and TV shows, but he has trouble concentrating on new things. Sometimes he prefers just to watch his NCIS shows that he has seen many times. That way he won't get frustrated if he falls asleep and misses the ending.

And... he lost his wife.

He has had to exist without her for a year now and he sometimes forgets she is gone. He'll call out to her and she won't respond. He'll think she is still lying next to him in bed only to discover it is the pillow supporting his back. I think when she died a part of himself died as well. He lost a huge reason to keep fighting.

And since he has been back in the hospital, his delirium and confusion have returned. He is more lucid in the mornings after sleeping. But the exhaustion from not getting enough sleep, dialysis, his foot infection and pain, the drugs, the constant in-and-out of people checking on him... it's just too much. His brain cannot function without restful sleep. So he ends up hallucinating and losing the ability to communicate.

There just does not seem to be a path forward where he could have a comfortable quality of life.

In the height of his foot pain he has exclaimed many times "I WANT TO DIE." And while I know part of that was due to his misery and frustration and pain in that moment... I think that exclamation contained his unfiltered wishes.

He was lucid Wednesday morning and we had a good conversation. He did not want to endure months of recovery and rehab. He did not want the pain of losing a leg. He did not want to fight for every breath. He did not want to lose access to clear thoughts on a regular basis. And he did not want to continue on without the love of his life.

There is this selfish part of me that wanted to convince him to keep fighting. He is my best friend. He is the greatest father I could ask for. Taking care of him this past year has given me great purpose. It has been an honor to help take care of him--as he had done for me all of my life.

Lately, he has had trouble getting into bed and covering himself up. So I have been tucking him in every night just like he did for me when I was little. First I have to arrange his pillows just right. One between his legs and one for him to hug. I put on his toasty slippers to keep his feet warm. I pull the covers up, give him a hug, tell him I love him, and say goodnight. Then I ask his Alexa speaker to play Billy Joel for him to fall asleep to. And I love doing that for him. I feel happy that we got through another day.

Whenever I am alone in our house, I miss him. I have never been in an empty house. It just feels wrong. And I'm not sure I am ready to adjust to that reality.

I want to watch another season of Cardinal's baseball with him. He loves The Mandalorian so much and I want to watch the new episodes with him. I downloaded every John Wayne movie, and even though I don't always care for those films, I like seeing him smile as he watches The Duke get into trouble.

I don't want to lose both of my parents in the span of a year.

And, well, I also don't want to lose the house. I don't want to live on my own. I don't want to worry about not having enough money to live. These are just things I can't help worrying about. And I feel guilty for worrying about myself during this time.

I have all of these reasons to want him to continue on. And I bet if I asked him to keep trying, he would do that for me. He would continue suffering and struggling for me. Because there has never been a time in his life that he would not do *anything* for his sons.

That's just who he is.

But I know I have to filter those feelings and reasons out. I know I can't ask my father to endure any more pain and misery because I fear being alone. He has always done what is best for me, and now I need to return the favor.

He has lived a long life. He had a wife that he loved. He had two sons that he raised and instilled his values in. He has a beautiful legacy that will live on in us.

He has nothing left to accomplish in this world.

He told me he wanted an out but he didn't know how to go about it. But I did. And I had to fight the urge to keep it to myself. I did not want to tell my father how to end his life. And telling him almost felt like I was personally killing him.

Thursday morning his favorite doctor is going to come speak to us. She is his kidney doctor. She is going to explain the process of stopping dialysis. With palliative care, it can be a relatively painless exit. Over a few weeks his kidneys will fail to filter out toxins. They will build up in his system. And eventually he will fade to black.

My mother had a horrible, painful, lonely death. Her final words were over a telephone because of COVID restrictions. The last time I saw her was across the ICU through a glass window.

Thankfully, my dad will be able to go out on his own terms.

He will be comfortable and surrounded by loved ones.

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bananayuyu · 3 months

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Hopeless Desire - Part 2

Pairing: Yunho x f reader

Genre: smut, fluff, angst

Word count: 9.6k

Summary: You were Mingi's younger sister by six years, and had a crush on his best friend Yunho since you were nine. You harbored this crush for years, never thinking it would go anywhere. Little did you know, Yunho had recently started to feel the same. But you're his best friend's little sister, so what can he do?

Chapter Summary: Mingi finally finds out, not in the way you intended.

Warnings: MDNI, smut, fingering, use of a vibrator, oral (both m and f receiving), some throat fucking, some pet names, more vague mentions of toxic family dynamics, more vague mentions of Mingi having mental health issues, pls lmk if I missed anything!

A/n: Thank you all so much for the feedback on part 1! It means the world to me. This is my first fic that I'm publishing publicly so I am so grateful. I hope you all enjoy <3

All three of you were frozen. Yunho fixed you with a sharp gaze, still clearly confused at your presence. But now you noticed it was changing, his eyes narrowing and head tilting every so slightly in an obvious sign of anger or frustration. You still sat in your chair unmoving; you couldn't help but notice the way his gaze was affecting your body, the way your arms were tingling and your lower stomach fluttering. Anxiety and excitement can feel shockingly similar, sometimes. You couldn't tell which you were feeling.

"Yunho, I-" you begin to explain yourself, but Mingi cuts you off in anger.

"No no, tell me what the hell is going on first," he says, shockingly stern and strong coming from him. The only time Mingi is ever stern is when he's protecting you, or thinks he is. You realize now what he thinks happened, that Yunho has upset or offended or hurt you in some way. He must think Yunho took a joke to far, or, or...

"Mingi, just-" but he cuts you off again, making you feel patronized.

"I thought when you started talking to me earlier that you were finally gonna admit that you two had been dating, but now-"

It's your turn to cut him off now. Yunho's as well.

"What?!" you both say in unison, Yunho's gaze now back to Mingi.

"Oh, so you aren't dating?" Mingi says with exasperation.

"Well, not really, not yet," Yunho stumbles. You put your head in your hands and curl up into a ball, seeing this whole conversation crumbling apart in front of you.

"Not yet? What does that mean? You've obviously upset her, what the hell did you do?!" Mingi's voice is rising in volume, unable to keep his anger under control. Mingi doesn't get angry often, but when he does it can consume him in an instant.

"Mingi, let me explain-"

"You probably told her you loved her just to sleep with her or something-"

"Mingi, I haven't slept with her! Calm down!" Yunho has raised his voice now too. At this admission you shoot him a hurt look, not understanding why he'd lie. Just because he hasn't put his dick in you doesn't mean you haven't had sex. You thought he was someone who understood that.

"You haven't?" Mingi asks, seeing the look you gave Yunho.

"Well, not technically-" but Yunho is cut off by Mingi lunging for him, slamming him against his front door and slamming the door shut in the process. The loud bang is awful and makes you jump, hands jumping to your ears a the painful sound. You start to feel panicked, your heart racing much faster now. Mingi has Yunho pinned to the door by his shoulders, but Yunho managed to get an arm up in time to have some leverage against Mingi's own chest. The two struggle against each other, Yunho at a disadvantage being stuck to the wall. Out of the corner of his eye he sees your eyes filling with tears, your hands stuck to the sides of your head. You aren't even looking at them, as if not looking will mean this isn't happening. He knows how much you hate when people fight. It was something that happened with your parents and other members of your family far too often when you were growing up.

"Don't do this shit in front of y/n!" Yunho yells at Mingi. "You're just upsetting her, you have no idea-"

"You just fucking lied to me!" Mingi screams back. "What the fuck does 'not technically' mean?!" He pushes harder into Yunho now, trying to push free the one bit of leverage Yunho has. Both of them are tall but Mingi has obvious strength on Yunho, and you see Yunho's eyes widen in fear and pain, Mingi's superior strength terrifying now that it's turned on him. You see his mind working quickly, trying to formulate a plan. His eyes meet yours and they've changed again, this time begging you for help. He looks away quickly but the message was unmistakeable.

"Mingi!" you call, the momentary distraction giving Yunho just enough time to duck below Mingi's arms and shove his torso away to allow him the space to escape. But Mingi doesn't stay distracted for long and jumps on Yunho again, tackling him to the ground this time. The two tussle and grapple and you look away again, unable to watch as they hurt themselves over this argument. You imagine tomorrow morning, the broken fingers or bruises or damaged furniture that has to be repaired. The explanation of the situation to managers, to the members. You want to yell at them to stop, to not hurt themselves, but you can't bring yourself to. You know it won't put a stop to anything.

"Mingi. Mingi just stop," you finally hear, the sounds of their brawl having died down. You glance over carefully, as if about to look at the scene of a bloody crime. But you're only met with Yunho on top of Mingi, pinning his arms to his chest and not letting him move. Neither one looks injured, at least from where you sit some feet away.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you if you hurt her," Mingi says, still struggling under Yunho, but only half-heartedly, clearly understanding he's stuck.

"Mingi, almost nothing has happened between me and y/n. If you had let us speak earlier you would have heard that."

"So you haven't been dating for like the past year?" Mingi asks, and it sounds genuine.

"No. Did you think we were? And we just hadn't said anything?" Yunho says this like he's hurt by the accusation, but you can also read a bit of guilt in his tone. Because some things have happened, and Mingi still doesn't know.

"We all did," Mingi replies.

"We?"

"The members."

"And none of you ever asked me about it? You just talked about it behind our backs?"

"It's not like we talked about it at length or anything. It was just something we all collectively thought." Mingi pauses a moment and Yunho sighs, clearly upset by this revelation. "You guys are like all over each other all the time when she's over, what were we supposed to think?"

You watch their conversation from you chair still, your anxiety and frustration bubbling over. You decide you can't take it anymore. You get up and walk quickly to the front door, trying to hold in your tears and make no sound. As you open the door they both call your name, but you don't care to turn around now. Stepping into the hallway you let the tears run down your cheeks, slumping down to sit with your back against the wall. You don't sob, you barely make a sound. You just breathe deeply and let the tears flow, letting yourself check out for a bit.

The door opens a few minutes later and Yunho emerges, moving slowly. He closes the door and looks at you for a moment, wanting to hug and kiss you and make your tears go away. He breaths in to steady himself, about to say something. But you speak first.

"I need to talk to my brother," you say. He just nods and moves back inside, knowing you don't want to move. Mingi steps out a few moments later, coming to sit down next to you.

"Yunho told me what's happened," he starts. "Is that what you were going to tell me earlier?"

"Yes, yes it was," you sigh. "I wish I said it sooner, so all that shit didn't happen."

"I'm sorry, but I thought he had hurt you or something. I just..." Mingi is talking self consciously, back to his more normal self.

"You know how much I hate when people fight around me," you say.

"I know." Mingi's heart twinges with guilt. And shame too, because he knows to whom you are really referring when you say 'people.' It's one person in particular, a man that Mingi doesn't want to be like in any way. "You seemed upset though, you looked at him like you were so upset. Are you sure he didn't hurt you?"

"Mingi, the thing he was doing that was upsetting me was how hesitant he was being with me. We both finally figured out we like each other only like days ago. But he still was keeping his distance from me sometimes. When I finally talked to him he said it was because he was worried what you would think, and what the members would think. He said he had to talk to you first. But then I realized I should really be the one to talk to you first. So I came over here to do that. And then I waited, and I waited, cause I was so nervous. I'm sorry this is happening, but no Yunho has not hurt me." You look at him with frustration. "Do you really think he'd do that?" you ask.

"No, but you never know what people are capable of. I have to protect you if I can," he says.

"Mingi, I protect you," you say.

"Too much. You're my younger sister, I should be protecting you more." Tears were forming in Mingi's eyes and neither of you realized, so suddenly tears are streaming down his cheeks. You move over and give him a hug, tears forming in your eyes too. You sit like that for a moment, you both mumbling 'I'm sorry' to each other. The hug is cathartic for you both.

"Mingi, Yunho and I both like each other. Is it gonna be a problem if we date?" you ask. Mingi shakes his head, but you can sense trepidation.

"I just really hope you don't break up and then things are tense between you. I hope you're really considering that possibility."

"Of course we are," you say without hesitation. And then you sit and think for a moment, realizing maybe you haven't. You take the moment to do some reflecting, to just sit and think on it. It hits you suddenly. "I think I've loved him since I was nine," you admit.

Little did you know, Yunho over heard this last part. He was just coming to check on you two and had just put his hand on the door. He paused, warmth swelling in his chest, and turned back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you reconciled with Mingi the boys had their own talk, also making up. You could tell Mingi was still feeling on edge and you understood he would need time to process the news. But really, it was good news mostly. He thought you both had been hiding this from him for months. In reality, it had only been a few days.

You left the apartment after hugging them both, the emotional turmoil of the evening exhausting you. You still couldn't believe that they actually fought and you feel mad. But you also feel relieved that Mingi finally knew everything. You walked slowly down the hallway, standing patiently at the elevator door.

Then Yunho was jogging down the hall, seeing the elevator open and determining he could make it. At the last moment he snuck in surprising you, a little out of breath. Suddenly the two of you were in this small isolated space, and the air felt electric. You remembered now how he looked when he looked mad, how your insides churned when he stuck his glare on you. You look at him now, his face serene, like usual. You loved how sweet he was. But you also liked that angry side, too. You feel so embarrassed for feeling this way, knowing damn well how destructive and dysfunctional it can be for a man's only show of emotion to be anger. But you couldn't help loving how it looked on him. You wanted him to be angry again, angry at you.

"Are you busy tonight?" he asked, moving over to your side of the elevator to wrap his arms around you.

"Wow, so smooth," you say, rolling your eyes.

"Oh, you've heard that one before? Didn't realize you got around so much," he teased. You lightly hit him in the ribs, knowing how sensitive the area was. You look up at his grimacing face and you laugh, relieved to finally be joking around again. You realize the elevator is almost to ground floor so you pull on his shirt to kiss him, relishing the few moments of privacy you two still have left. As the elevator opens you both part and begin walking out the front doors, keeping a consistent and almost tangible amount of space between you. The tension in the air is severe; you think if someone walked between you they might get electrocuted.

"You never answered my question," you says as you exit the building.

"I have to study tonight," you say, turning to him. "I have important things to do." He rolls his eyes slightly, but you can tell he's a little disappointed. "I'm sorry, I really do have some reading I need to get done tonight. I can't."

"You don't think you'll have any trouble focusing?" he asks, smirking.

"Trouble focusing?" you ask, exaggerating your confusion. "I think I'll be just fine, thank you." You go to give him a quick hug goodbye but instead playfully smack him, earning yet another pinch on your waist. You squeal and turn away, determined not to change your mind. You really should spend some time studying, and you really do feel like you need some alone time. But mostly, you hope that if you wait a few days to see him again that Yunho might be pent up enough to get a little angry.

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Three days passed.

Sometimes life gets really busy for a few days; sometimes responsibilities require your attention 24/7. These days were like that. You had forgotten you had to be at work more days than usual this week, due to the elementary and middle school kids you tutored having their standardized mid-semester exams. For three days after classes you spent nearly your entire evening with them, trying to calm their nerves and help them learn. You liked your job, for the most part. It was why you had stayed for several years. But those three days were a bit trying. Talking down young kids from bouts of anxiety took it out of you.

This all meant that to Yunho, it seemed like you were keeping your distance. He and Mingi had filming for a music video those three days, but whenever he tried to call you didn't answer, and your texts came back slower than usual. The last day he got to come home early but when he asked you to hang out you said you had work. He swore you didn't usually work that day. He thought you were the hesitant one now. He felt a little hurt but also not sure if he was even reading things correctly. He realized he really, really cared what you thought of him. It was a scary realization.

Finally your weekend came and you had a day entirely to yourself. Realistically you hadn't been wanting to keep your distance from him for three days, even if you had thought you'd give it a try. You longed to be spending the evenings with him when you were at work with the worried kids. You worried you were coming off poorly now, like you didn't really care. You kept saying sorry for missing a call or not texting back for hours on end. It was just one of those times. It just happens every once in a while. But finally it was over.

"Y/n," Yunho answers your call. His voice is bright but there's a layer of annoyance in his tone. You'd by lying if you said it didn't excite you a little.

"Hi, are you busy today? I finally have a day off," you say.

"Are you saying you want to hang out with me?"

"Yes, Yunho. Duh."

"Well, I'm just asking cause yesterday you didn't want to."

"What do you mean, I had work!" you say.

"You don't work on Fridays though," he says. He sounds almost hurt, but he's still in a joking mood.

"I had to work extra cause of elementary and middle school exams. They're next week."

"Oh, so you weren't lying then."

"Yunho!" You can't believe he's accusing you of this. "I wouldn't lie and say I had work when I didn't have work, who do you think I am?"

"So you weren't trying to piss me off so I'd come to your house one night and throw rocks at your window or something?"

"Yunho, you're insane," you reply.

"You didn't answer my question," he says.

"I'm not going to."

"Alright, fine," he says. And then, "I'll be over in a minute."

"Okay," you say, and slump back down on your bed, unbelievably excited.

It was early in the afternoon. You had slept in and then eaten a large breakfast, hungry and exhausted from your extremely busy week. You finished a load of laundry you desperately needed to do and managed to clean up your bathroom a little. Finishing these small chores made you feel good. Now you finally had time to do whatever you wanted the rest of the day.

Yunho arrived quickly, not caring if he seemed desperate. He was desperate, desperate to see you and hold you after your three exhausting days. You felt the butterflies as soon as your call ended, and now with him standing in front of you your skin felt on fire. Your knees felt shaky, your heart rate shooting through the roof. You almost felt nauseous from how excited you were. You hoped it didn't seem weird. He stepped in a hugged you, pulling your head to his chest. And then you heard his heart beat and felt it too, how blazingly fast it was beating. You felt the jittering of his nerves, the way his skin felt hot as fire when you brushed a hand over his arm. You squeezed him tighter; it felt like the only way to alleviate your nerves. As you pressed into him you felt how taught his muscles were, how rapid his breathing. Finally, you felt what must be his cock pushing against your hip. Hard already, very hard. Your breath hitched. Your roommates were in the living room setting up a movie, but Tae had just walked in.

"Hey, Yunho, how are you?" Tae asked, kind as ever. You felt Yunho jump slightly at his voice. His eyes had been closed upon realizing just how excited he was to see you. He was mid trying to find a way to calm himself when Tae walked in.

"I'm good, thank you. How have you been?" he asked. Surprisingly steady, you thought. You felt him releasing your hug and moving you away from him slightly, and momentarily you were immensely confused. But then he spun you around and put his arms around your shoulders, still needing your body in front of his to cover a potentially noticeable bulge that was forming in his pants. Tae wouldn't say anything, wouldn't care. You knew that. But he didn't.

"I'm good too, just busy with my thesis. Are you sure you're okay, you look a little pale?" Tae asked, genuinely oblivious to what was happening.

"I honestly just really have to pee," Yunho says with a chuckle, and all of you chuckle with him. "Can I use your bathroom, y/n?"

Clever, you think. Don't know if I would have thought of that.

"No, absolutely not. No peeing in this house," you joke. Yunho sees this as an opportunity as well; he figured you might say something along those lines. He begins tickling you which has you shrieking and running away towards the hallway and saying, "okay, okay", and he sprints after you, able to leave the kitchen in a rush in a way that doesn't appear suspicious.

As soon as you enter your bedroom and close the door, you cannot stop giggling. Yunho goes to tickle you again but you fight back, attempting to tickle him too. It doesn't work very well, given how much longer his arms are. Soon he's grabbed you and hits that spot under your arm that tickles the most, so you collapse to the floor. He supports your weight so you don't fall, but now you're pinned to the ground and totally at his mercy. "Stop, stop" you keep giggling, kicking your feet in an attempt to hit him where it hurts most. "Yunhooooo" you finally whine, the giggles subsiding, and he knows you're truly done. He used to tickle you a lot more when you were little, after Mingi revealed how much it made you laugh. He hadn't done it in a while, not like that. A flash of nostalgia hits him, realizing how much time has passed. How he missed those days sometimes, before there was so much pressure. When you were little he could baby you and take care of you however much he wanted when you were together. Now he stares down at a full grown adult, and the thought of his own age hits him. How much time has passed. He longs for the old times again, sometimes. When you were only ten and sweet as can be. Growing up, dealing with your family, it had changed you some. It hurt him to think of all that weighed on you, all the responsibility you took on so young. He sometimes wished he could go back.

But then there were times like this when he was so glad for the change. He had probably liked you longer than he ever would admit to anyone, given your age. He never really considered the truth of it a few years ago, because of how shameful it felt to like someone so young. It wasn't like he ever felt that way about other high school girls, so he told himself his feelings were just born from how much he loved and cared about you. But he couldn't deny it now, looking down at you, his dick still rock hard in his pants and his eyes unable to leave you. He couldn't deny how the print of your nipples through your thin shirt made him salivate, how the curve of your waist into your hips, the curve of your belly was what he thought of each night when he touched himself to sleep. And that cute pout, that pout that made everyone melt a little bit. Now when you turned it on him it just made him want to give you everything, to make you come over and over again.

Just as he is about to lean down to kiss you, a knock sounds from your door.

"Y/n, that movie you wanted to watch is on Netflix, if you still want to!" Nari says from the hallway. "I'll be in the living room, just let me know, no pressure." She walks away, not wanting to disturb you two.

Yunho leans down again, in an instant having forgotten what Nari said. But then you remember your thoughts from three days ago, about maybe pissing Yunho off, just a little.

"We should watch it, it's really good," you say. All you get is a 'hmm' in response. Yunho kisses you now, slow and sensual and like he wants to do more. You can tell where it's headed, and your pussy isn't opposed. But you want to see if you can resist, just this once. "Yunho," you say. He looks at you, eyes almost glazed over with lust. This is gonna be a hard sell, you think. So you give him that pout. You haven't used it intentionally in a while, but you used to all the time when you were kids. To get him to buy you ice cream, or get him to make a phone call for you that you were dreading. Even once to talk to a teacher for you. It was always effective then.

And it's effective now, too. Of course it is.

"What?" he asks, pulled back slightly, just wanting to give you whatever you want.

"I wanna watch the movie, I'm sorry," you say.

"No no, no apologizing. We will do whatever you want," he says. "I'm sorry for jumping on you. I just couldn't resist." You start giggling again.

"It's okay, I liked it," you say.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The movie is so good that you are at times distracted from the ever present bulge you can feel pressing against your ass. With Yunho's arms wrapped around you, you feel almost sleepy, so unbelievably comfortable. Maybe this extreme sense of comfort made you act so bratty. You weren't really sure where it came from. When Yunho offered you popcorn you refused, asking instead if you could have the corn chips you kept in the kitchen pantry. When Yunho told you the way you were sitting was putting his leg to sleep you whined and complained about having to move. Then when he relaxed his arms away, worried he was overwhelming you by holding you so close, you forcefully grabbed them and put them around you again. By the time the movie ended he was fairly lost, not sure why you were acting that way. He was pretty sure you didn't even like corn chips.

The two of you made your way back to your room, Yunho walking slowly in trepidation. He really, really wasn't sure. He felt like there was something you weren't telling him. Maybe she just needs a little more time, he thought.

"Do you want me to get going?" he asked you.

"What?" you asked in return, wide-eyed.

"You seem, I don't know," he stops himself. "You like corn chips now?" He feels it's a reasonable question to ask. You try to keep a smile from forming on your face. You should have known how easily he'd see through you.

"Yeah," you say, awkwardly. You don't know what else to say.

"You didn't even eat any after I went and got them for you," he says.

You stand silently, not sure where to go from here. Usually playing around and messing with him feels so fun. But this is feeling a little weird now. It wasn't authentic, and he knows it. You start to feel a bit bad, and think you should just tell him what you want. But that feels daunting too. You just stare at him, unable to speak, unsure of what to say.

Yunho moves closer to you, seeing that pout forming again, seeing your brain work overtime. He runs a hand through your hair and settles his hand at the nape of your neck. He stares deeply into your eyes, capturing the entirety of your attention. In a low voice, he speaks deliberately.

"Baby, what do you want?"

You blush at his words and smile, closing your eyes to savor the way his voice sounds. You feel an intoxicating mix of guilt and excitement bubbling in your stomach, but you can't bring yourself to speak. Your throat is tight and all you can do is let out a whine.

"Use your words. Tell me."

It feels like he is commanding you now. You feel like you might lift off the ground, like he is made of magic and could make you levitate if he wanted to. Your throat suddenly lets you speak, lets you get enough of a breath to get it out.

"I want you to do whatever you want to me," you say, your voice barely audible. But Yunho holds onto every syllable, like you've yelled it at him through a megaphone. He pulls your face up to his, his lips devouring yours, leaving nearly no room for you to breathe. He's grabbing you intensely, a hand firmly set on one of your ass cheeks and grabbing roughly at it.

"Do you want me mad, is that it?" he asks, his voice still low and even. He doesn't feel out of control by any means, but you can tell you've elicited some pent up frustration. All you do is giggle, so happy that your plan has worked.

"Get on your bed, and take off your clothes," he commands, not wanting to wait any longer. He's had this idea since he was here last; at that time it felt like something he should approach slowly, and ask you first. But now he realizes it's probably the sort of thing you want. After pulling off his shirt and pants he makes his way for your bedside table. As you remove your panties you see him opening the top drawer, pulling out a small pink wand that you have stashed there. Your heart nearly drops at the sight of it, the way it looks almost small in his hand, the way he so confidently went for it.

"Yunho!" you say, in shock. "How..."

"I accidentally saw it last time I was here, baby. I can't stop thinking about you using it on yourself. You probably use it every night don't you? When I'm not here to make you come?"

Your blushing again but this time you look rather embarrassed, your arms wrapped around your chest to cover yourself. Still, you undressed as he said. It's as if you can't disobey him in this state. You've never felt like this before with anyone. Like you don't have a care in the world, like your brain has turned off almost entirely except for the parts necessary for survival. Like you know Yunho will take care of you, no matter what happens.

Yunho can sense this shift in your mind, but sees you covering yourself and has to check.

"Are you okay?" he asks, almost sternly. You know it's because he needs to know, for his own sanity.

"Please don't stop," you say as you nod, voice breathy and needy, arms still covering yourself. Your waiting for him to say it, waiting, waiting-

"Stop covering yourself." Finally. You take your arms down, almost presenting your chest to him. His breath hitches slightly, but you can't see it. His face remains neutral; he feels oddly at home being in control of you like this.

"Lay down," he says. Then, "spread your legs, let me see you." He moves down to you, hands running up and down your legs. But his eyes won't leave your pussy. He moves his face closer, now kissing and biting into your inner thighs, relishing how soft they feel against his cheek. Now he can smell you slightly, the sweet and musky scent making him feel almost drunk. He wasn't planning on it but he can't resist, and moves his face down to get a taste of you. He moves his tongue up your pussy slowly, savoring the warmth and sweetness. He settles himself down and wraps his hands around your thighs and you can't stop staring at his hands, long and veiny in the heat of the room. He licks you slowly again, then settles at the top, brushing gentle circles over your clit. Your body reacts instantly, your back arching and your head falling back, your legs moving in and surrounding his head. He can tell your clit is really sensitive, and doesn't want to overwhelm you at first. He pulls back and licks even more gently, slowly pushing your legs back down so you are completely spread for him. You feel his warm tongue stroking back and forth, his gentle movements causing such intense feelings. You sigh and relax into the feeling, your eyes closed and mind on another planet. It takes a little while for your body to completely give in and Yunho can tell, but he doesn't mind taking the time. He likes the idea that this might take a while. He could spend hours between your legs, tasting you and making you moan.

Suddenly you feel close, each stroke of his tongue sending sparks through you, and then you're coming undone, your whole body feeling warm and tingly. Yunho's tongue is unrelenting and soon feels like too much, so you grab onto his hair and pull at him slightly. He pulls up his face and you see his lips glistening with your slick, his eyes dark as they meet yours. He moves up to kiss you, wanting you to taste yourself. The kiss is sweet but intense, Yunho grabbing onto your waist to hold you as close to him as he can.

"I'm sorry I took forever," you say between kisses, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Don't ever apologize about that," he says, kissing you again, holding you tight. You know he says it to be kind, but in this context it also feels like another command, so you vow to never do it again.

Yunho rises, moving down and spreading your legs again to see you, see how puffy and pink your pussy looks. It makes him salivate and he wants to dive back in immediately, but then he remembers his original plan and grabs the wand he had dropped on your bed. He moves down between your legs again, then slowly strokes his fingers through your slit, careful not to shock you with his touch. "Relax, baby," he says in a whisper, the depth of his voice reaching into your bones. You do as he says and open your eyes, smiling at him as he starts to stroke you again, covering his fingers in your slick and then moving them down into position. He slowly pushes two into you, and after a few slow strokes adds a third. You feel yourself stretch a bit to accommodate the added finger, the feeling only briefly painful and then entirely perfect. Your head is thrown back again and this time you wish you could open your legs even wider, wish you could take more of him. He starts pumping in and out of you consistently, waiting until you start opening up even more. Once he feels your walls relax just that little bit more he picks up the wand, turning it on to its lowest setting. You inhale sharply, nervous at how intense it will feel. "It's okay," he says. "We'll stop if it doesn't feel good." But your anxiety was for nothing; as he presses the wand down onto your clit you feel immediate white hot pleasure, the feeling more intense that you've ever known. With both his fingers inside you and the wand on your clit your orgasm builds quickly; as you feel yourself about fall over the edge it builds even more, and then it happens a second time. You feel like your pussy is on fire, like you are a dam about to break. "Yunho, yunho," you squeak out, your brain having completely left you, but something in you wanting him to know how good he's making you feel. But he can tell anyway, from the way your squirm and open yourself even wider for him, by the sounds you are making. You come hard, your eyes rolling back and legs shaking uncontrollably. A bit of droll leaks out of your mouth onto your pillow without you noticing, the feelings enveloping you too intense for you to register literally anything else. A small and quick burst of fluid leaves your pussy and covers Yunho's arm. "Good girl," he says earnestly, sure he just made you squirt.

When you finally come down from your high you can't stop talking. You crawl over to him and wrap around him, feeling suddenly so excited. "That felt so good," you say, nuzzling your head into his neck. "I've never come that hard ever, I don't think."

"Good," Yunho says, placing a satisfied kiss on your temple. "I want you to feel good." You smile up at him, scrunching up your face in happiness.

"You always make me feel good, even when we're just hanging out," you say. Yunho wraps you up in his arms, his heart not able to handle your sweetness.

"You're too sweet for this world," he says. You nuzzle into his chest at his words, so happy to be praised.

You settle into a comfortable silence for a few moments, your breathing finally returned to normal. You hug Yunho, feeling his breaths rising and falling. And then he breathes in like he's about to say something.

"I want to make you come again," he says.

"I don't know if I can, after that..." you trail off, quietly laughing at yourself.

"I think you can," he says, a mischievous smile on his lips. "Get on your hands and knees."

You do as he says, arranging yourself near the top of your bed to give him room behind you. You arch your back and stick your butt out towards him, and when he taps on one of your knees you spread them apart further. "Good girl," he says again, and you can feel your pussy clench, your wetness feeling cool against the air. He slowly enters his three fingers into you again, your pussy now so wet that they slide in easily. At this angle he can reach so deeply inside you, and it feels like his fingers might be feet long. You feel his movements in your whole abdomen and it's intoxicating, and suddenly you really wish it was his cock inside you, reaching deeper than even his fingers can, splitting you open with forceful thrusts. He reaches towards your shoulders to push them down, flattening your chest and face against your bed with your ass still in the air. Once he has you exactly where he wants you he goes for the wand again, this time switching it onto a slightly higher setting, determined to make you come again. As soon as it makes contact you are again met with white hot pleasure, the intensity of it still surprising you, the multiple points of stimulation making you feel small and submissive. He increases the intensity of his fingers, pumping them into you faster and putting even more pressure on that spot you love so much. Soon you are screaming into your pillow, and Yunho is thankful you are coving your mouth yourself. He would, if he had a free hand to do so. Soon he feels your pussy twitching around his fingers, and then you are clamping down on him so hard, your legs shaking so hard and your body slumping down slowly, unable to hold itself up in your challenging position anymore. Yunho slowly removes the wand and turns it off, then slowly removes his fingers, licking them to again savor the taste of you. You lay slumped in an almost concerning way, so Yunho leans over and moves your hair out of your face to see a blissful smile and blush red cheeks.

He moves to the bathroom to grab a washcloth, coming back to wipe of your thighs and ass and make you feel clean. His movements feel so comforting, you wish you could live in this moment forever. Once he finishes he goes back to wash off his own hands. You flip yourself over, grabbing your favorite plushy and trying to collect yourself. Sweat has stuck your hair to your forehead and cheek, and you feel like you must look ridiculous. You're still a shaking mess lying naked on your bed, your chest rising and falling in rapid breaths. As he exits your bathroom you look over at Yunho in just his boxers and see how hard he is, his considerable length highly visible. All this time he pleasured you, never asking for anything in return. But you wanted him to. You wanted him to use you, however he pleased. He had given you too much not to get something in return.

"Please, can I suck your cock?" you ask him, the words coming out more as begging than you intended. Yunho is caught off guard, his hand running through his hair halting, his eyes meeting yours.

"Baby.." he trails off, the image of your beautiful lips wrapped around him sending sparks through him. He's deliberately held off seeking his own pleasure from you. He's deliberately avoided getting his dick involved. He doesn't know why, really, but he holds it over himself like some sort of rule. Maybe it's a slight punishment. Maybe he doesn't want to scare you. He's bigger than average and doesn't ever want to hurt you, just because you are so eager.

"Please," you say again, more exasperated. "Please Yunho, I really want to. But only if you want to, of course."

Your words have him questioning his own rule. He realizes his own worry, his own nature of holding back. Why should he with you?

"Okay, come here," he says, helping you sit up and then move off your bed, bringing you over to your bedroom door and sitting you on your knees with your back supported. He's brushing hair out of your face and then leaning down to kiss you again, wanting you to know how much he cares. How he worries. How he needs you to be alright for his own peace of mind. As soon as he pulls away you are reaching for his boxers, pulling them down and watching as his cock springs free, the length and girth of it taking you by surprise. You knew he was big, you could tell from looking at his crotch more times than you were proud of. But seeing it up close was something different. You feel your pussy clench around nothing, your body craving to be filled.

You lean forward and lick his tip, grabbing the base of his shaft with your hand to help guide you. You wrap your lips around it and suck, gently at first and then harder, a feeling of pride swelling in you as you hear him lowly groan. Yunho can't believe this is happening, can't believe he is finally getting to feel the warmth of your sweet mouth on his cock. He is rock hard now, desperate for the pleasure and release he had given you over and over again. You pop your mouth off to lick a stripe up the base of his shaft, coming up to the bottom of his head and tasting the saltiness of a bead of precum that had escaped him. You now settle into a rhythm, moving you mouth as far down on him as you can so he's covered in your spit, using your hand and mouth in tandem to illicit as much pleasure as you can. Yunho is holding himself up by the door behind you, desperately wanting to fuck your mouth, the feeling of your hot tongue on him like nothing he's ever experienced. His right hand comes down to brush your hair out of your face again, so he can see everything, your mouth stuffed full of him and your eyes fluttering open and shut as you bob your head back and forth.

Yunho can't help himself, the pleasure is too great, and suddenly he finds himself thrusting slightly, the tip of his cock grazing the back of your throat and causing you to gag. He's alarmed at his own aggression and pulls back, expecting you to be alarmed too. But instead you pop off of him, and with lust filled eyes look up. "You can fuck my mouth if you want, you know. I'd really like that," you say, in lustful sincerity. Your voice when you're fucked-out is quiet but assured, your mind focused on one thing only. It makes Yunho feel like he could come on the spot. He runs a thumb across your lips and cheeks. "Baby, are you sure?" he asks. You nod. "I promise I'll be very gentle," he says, moving his cock towards your lips again. "You don't have to be," you say right before it enters your mouth again. Your words make Yunho's head spin, and he shakes his head involuntarily, out of disbelief.

He enters your mouth slowly, his large hand holding the back of your head to support you. He starts with shallow thrusts, feeling the warmth and wetness of your tongue along the underside of him, the feeling blissful and enthralling. You are looking up at him, eyes wide and full of excitement, your mind barely able to comprehend that this is really happening. You have imagined this moment many, many times. He thrusts become slightly deeper, his tip reaching almost to the back of your throat now. You breathe through your nose, keeping your mouth as open for him as you can. Finally he hits the back of your throat and moans, causing you to gag and a single tear to form in your left eye. "You okay?" he asks gently, pulling back slightly to let you recover. But you don't want him to stop so you suck on his tip and nod your head up and down, still making eye contact with him. His head falls back at the sight, you nodding at him with his cock still in your mouth. You move forward and gag yourself on him, then lean back slightly and look at look at him with pleading eyes. He takes the hint, moving forward again and finally fucking your mouth in earnest. His thrusts are controlled and deliberate, their speed picking up slowly and consistently. He loves the warmth of your mouth, the tightness of your throat squeezing his tip, the feeling better than anything he could have imagined. He was already so wound up from making you come so much, he's not going to last long. You can feel it, can sense in the way his breathing changes and his body changes, like he's filling with pressure and it needs to be released. Suddenly he's pulling out of you and coming on your face, your open mouth catching some of it. You savor the taste and swallow, licking your lips to find more. He watches the lewd image in front of him and feels like the wind has been knocked from him. And then, as he comes down fully, the feeling like he's done too much hits him.

"Sorry baby, let me go get a towel," he says. You whine, grabbing onto his arm to pull him down, not wanting him to leave just yet. You want him to see the beautiful mess he's made up close. Once he's at eye level you smile, batting your eyes at him. "Oh, so you like that I made a mess of you?" he says, another shake of his head from disbelief. "You are so naughty..." he says, clearly pleased. You giggle and stick your tongue out at him. "You can clean me up now," you say, eyes expectant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night the two of you lay in your bed, your head on Yunho's shoulder and your legs intertwined with his. The events of the day had left you both sleepy, the feeling enveloping you quickly after you finished your dinner. After some begging Yunho helped you get ready for bed, helping you brush your teeth and get undressed. You felt so hazy you thought you'd fall asleep as soon as you laid down. But once you were settled under the covers with him your mind started wandering, and you were unable to put a stop to it.

"Can I ask you something?" you ask him.

"Of course," Yunho says, through a yawn.

"You know the day you showed up to Mingi's and I was already there, when we both were gonna tell him about us, were you mad at me?"

"No, I wouldn't say mad," Yunho starts. He sighs. "I was just really confused. I had told you earlier I was going to go talk to him, and I thought you would have told me if you were planning to go tell him before me. I thought I was going to be the one to break it to him, the one to bear the brunt of it. I though it would be best because I'm the one he'd probably be mad it, not you. I felt like you telling him first would make him... even more mad at me, I guess?"

You pause for a moment, guilt sinking into your chest painfully.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going to tell him," you say. "I was just really focused that day on the fact that I should tell him first. He's my brother, I felt like I should be the one to do it."

"It's okay," he responds, hugging you tighter. "I"m sorry about what happened that day, that wasn't okay."

"It was Mingi's fault," you say.

"It wouldn't have happened if I just told him sooner that I liked you."

"I could have told him earlier too," you say.

"Baby, stop. You don't need to take responsibility for that mess," Yunho says, comfortingly stroking your cheek. He sighs more deeply now, feeling his own twinges of guilt. "I don't say this to make you feel like I think you're immature or irresponsible, but I think you should know how I truly feel. Given your age and your inexperience, I feel like I need to take responsibility here. I should have approached this whole situation with more care. I should have spoken to Mingi about it sooner, even if I was worried it might mess up our friendship. I should have talked to you directly about how I felt, before I let you sleep over and kissed you and..." he trails off, but you know what he meant to say.

"Before you made me come?" you finish for him. "Can you not even say it out loud now?" you ask, giggling.

"I guess not," he says, embarrassment making his cheeks warm.

"Do you feel like you have to be really careful with me, otherwise I might push you away?" you ask.

"I feel like I have to be careful with you because it's the right thing to do," he answers.

"Is that why you haven't put your dick in me yet?" you ask, the darkness of night making it easy for the words to escape you. Yunho sucks in a sudden breath at your words, at how crass and direct you're being.

"Y/n..." he trails off, and you feel the tenseness of his body.

"Sorry, did that make you uncomfortable?"

"I just really wasn't expect that," he says, collecting himself. In truth your directness turns him on, but he feels a sort of shame about it. "To me you are a very pure person, very good-hearted. Not exactly innocent, given all that you've experienced. But I don't want your first time to be rushed or bad. I realize we've already had sex but... I don't know, it's fucking illogical, I know, but I wanted to wait to do that."

"Yunho, I've already had my first time," you admit, thinking back and cringing at remembering Kim Wonsik, the boy you dated for two months during your final year of high school. He certainly didn't take his time when it came to putting his dick in you. It wasn't the worst first-time experience ever; you had heard several horror stories from other girls in your grade. But it wasn't exactly good, either. You hadn't told almost anyone about the relationship, only Mingi after the whole thing was over. It hadn't been something you wanted to share. You knew the news spread quickly through your school, as every little bit of gossip always did. But to tell Yunho or any of the boys felt so daunting. You felt embarrassed by it at the time; you were questioning your sexuality and scared of anyone knowing, anyone asking questions or pressing too hard. You had liked Wonsik, but not really the way you knew you should. You were just tired of never experiencing anything, and when the opportunity presented itself you decided to try. It was over and done with quickly, and Wonsik never spoke to you again. It all felt embarrassingly clunky and messy, in comparison to everything else in your life. Things like that were easy for you to keep from people, especially at that age when you still lived with your parents and only really thought of how quickly you could move out.

"Oh, I didn't realize," Yunho responds, his head spinning a bit. He would be lying if hearing that didn't elicit some feeling of jealousy from him, but he holds himself back from saying anything that would betray that feeling to you. He knows it's a little hypocritical to feel that way, given that he's been with two girls before you.

"I've dated one boy, and one girl," you admit, everything now just spilling out of you. "I hope that's not an issue for you."

"Of course not baby, not at all," he says, pulling you up so you're laying on top of him. You sigh from relief, letting your body completely relax on top of his.

"You've dated before, right?" you ask. You remember a girl from years ago, maybe even from before the boys debuted. You can't remember the timing exactly, but you vaguely remember a panicked Yunho breaking up with her, knowing that in his early years after debuting things just wouldn't be able to work.

"Yes, there was one girl I dated right before we debuted. And then there was a girl like four years ago now. We dated for a year."

"Are you still in contact with her?" you ask, a little shocked at how long the relationship was and the fact that you never heard of her before. Well, Yunho never knew of your two relationships either, you realize.

"No, things became very tense between us. She never even met any of the members, or my family. We were both very busy, and she struggled with me being an idol and how much I travelled and was gone. It went on longer than it should have, and by the time it ended we weren't on very good terms. I think she ended up moving back to Japan after we broke up, cause her family was from there. I'm not really sure, to be honest. But I haven't spoken to her since then."

"That sounds rough," you say, not sure how else to respond.

"I definitely don't want to repeat that again," he says, squeezing you. "Please tell me if I'm making your life harder. I really, really don't want to do that."

"I promise I would if it ever came to that. But you make my life better and always have, I can't foresee that happening," you say.

"It's hard to know what might happen," he says, wanting to get everything out in the open. "I certainly hope it never comes to that. But if it does, you better tell me."

"Okay, I promise," you say, trying hard not to sound as sarcastic. But he conversation was feeling too serious; you couldn't help how the words slipped out, your mind wishing to ease the intensity of things.

"Are you not taking me seriously?" he asks, moving his hands now to your most ticklish spots.

"No no, I am. I promise," you say, giggling into his shoulder and moving our hands to protect yourself.

"There's something else we need to talk about, too," he says.

"What?"

"If you want me to 'do whatever I want to you,' then we need to talk about it. So I can actually keep you safe." You giggle at his immediate change of subject, him repeating your words from earlier.

"What do we need to talk about?"

"I need to know what stuff is off-limits for you, so I can make sure I don't do anything you don't want. Cause I'm sure there really are things you wouldn't like, even if you don't think there are."

"Okay," you say, somewhat stumped. You haven't really thought about it in detail in all honesty. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course, baby," he says. "Oh, is it okay that I call you baby?"

"Yeah, I like it," you giggle, squirming against him.

"Is there anything else you want me to call you?" You start giggling, too embarrassed to say. "Hmm okay, what about doll?" he asks, and you giggle more. "Okay, what about princess?" you squeak involuntarily, making Yunho laugh. "My princess," he says in a low voice, stroking your hair and making you feel horny all over again. You start rubbing yourself on his thigh, burying your head in his shoulder. You feel a bit shameful about liking these pet names but the shame also feels good, making you feel tingly and warm.

"We need a safe word, too," he says.

"Mmm, let me think," you say, scrunching your face in concentration. "What about... waffles?"

"Waffles?" he repeats, laughing. "Okay, waffles it is."

You both lay quietly for a while, soaking in a processing your conversation, your mind still wandering. You yawn deeply, causing Yunho to yawn too. He plants a kiss on your forehead, now stroking a hand along your back to help put you to sleep. A final thought crosses his mind, something he feels he must say.

"Just so you know, you can always punch or kick me too, if anything I'm doing is hurting you or isn't what you want. If you can't speak for some reason, or you forget to. I want you to do that if you need to."

A tear forms in your eye and falls gently off your cheek onto Yunho's shoulder, and he looks down at you to see another streaming down your face. He reaches over to wipe it off gently, watching your face for any more signs of distress.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes. It's just, no one cares for me as much as you do."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @mingtinysworld @pautiny27 @yoonjikim @ateez-atiny380 @luvleejuyo @soupyjoy @casterole

Love you all <3

#ateez #ateez x reader #ateez yunho #yunho x reader #yunho smut

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xysidhequeen · 1 year

Text

Equilibrium

So the Dead on Main server caused me to spontaneously spawn an entire outline for an AU because I wanted a Dark Danny fic. So. Here's a snippet of what I'm working on.

It had started out subtly. The beginning of the end.

The GIW had crept into Amity Park, buying up empty office buildings. Making themselves known. 'Researchers' they called themselves.

They could always be seen whenever there was a ghost attack. Not running, not helping, not hindering. Just. Watching.

The first red flag that became obvious in hindsight was when they'd reached out to the Fentons. When Jack's long winded rants on ghosts didn't scare them away. When they started taking notes.

The second red flag was the government contract sent to the Fentons a week later.

But still, the GIW didn't do anything. They bought up the empty buildings, filled them with strangers in white suits. Amity Park gradually learned to ignore them. They were harmless, some weird government branch that had an interest in ghosts. It wasn't interesting after months of idleness from them.

Amity Parkers lowered their guard, answered the seemingly innocuous questions posed to them. 'How long have ghosts been attacking?' 'Have you ever been injured by one?' 'Have you noticed anything strange?' They were simple questions, questions any Amity Park resident could easily answer.

Eventually the GIW became another quirk of Amity. Something expected, normal even.

Then the 'clinics' started popping up. They were free to use, offering simple health care for any Amity Park resident. Common colds, ear infections, broken bones, vaccinations. You had to do a blood test to use them, but no one minded much when they were free. And injuries were so common with the ghost attacks. Ghosts never seemed to care about collateral, except Phantom. But he was the one ghost who protected them, so that was expected.

Amity Park became welcoming to the GIW. Open to their questions, freely giving information. Even Phantom was willing to stop occasionally when a question was called out to him by one of the white suited men or women.

Yet still, the government contract remained. The Fentons handing over blueprints of weapon after weapon, prototype designs shipped off. Research papers handed over by the box full.

The GIW presence increased slowly, over the months that became a year. Their clinics and offices multiplied. Empty buildings and shop fronts were bought as soon as they went on sale. Soon it wasn't uncommon to see a person in a white suit everywhere you went.

No one ever noticed how they never employed Amity Park residents. How they never hired, how there was never a help wanted sign posted or an ad made to ask for workers. No one wanted to look that deep.

Willful ignorance was easier than admitting they'd been invaded.

So the Amity Parkers kept answering questions. Kept visiting the clinics with their doctors who often asked questions unrelated to the reason for visiting. 'Have you noticed yourself becoming stronger?' 'How much sleep do you need, on average?' 'Have your eyes ever glowed?' 'How long can you hold your breath?'.

The clinics began offering more services, addressing more issues. All still for the small cost of a vial of blood. It became normal to visit a clinic rather than a doctor for anything. Flu? Clinic. Broken bone? Clinic. A nasty burn from an ecto-ray? Clinic.

Some people started vanishing, but that wasn't unusual in a city. People ran away or died all the time. It wasn't many, really. Maybe a one or two a month. There was no pattern in the victims, so it was presumed they were unrelated. The cops were stumped. No one paid attention to the fact that every single one of the missing had visited a clinic days before they vanished.

Then came the blackout. Or maybe it came sooner, it was so hard to tell when it started. When it became impossible for anyone in Amity Park to reach out to someone out of it. At first anyone who mentioned it was called crazy, conspiracy theorists.

But soon it became more obvious. Friends or family out of the city could no longer find any Amity Park resident on social media. Couldn't even find a mention of the city existing anywhere on the internet. They blamed it on the ghosts at first. They did weird things to technology, it must be them. Right?

Then they stopped being able to call out. Cell phones would no longer make or receive calls from anyone who didn't have an Amity number. They started to get restless.

Then came the roadblocks. Anyone trying to leave Amity found that all roads out were inexplicably blocked. Construction, they claimed. All the roads at once, yes. There had been earthquakes that destabilized the roads all around Amity. So they said.

They had been trapped, and they never saw the jaws closing on them until it was too late.

It didn't take long, once the revelation that they couldn't leave, couldn't call for help, spread.

The military moved in, penning them inside their city. Checkpoints were placed at every road in or out of Amity. You could only leave if you were in the company of a soldier or a GIW operative.

'Quarantined' they were told. Because of what they weren't told. Something highly contagious and dangerous was all they were given. Hospitals were taken over by men in white suits. Doctors and nurses were sent away, fired. New ones were shipped in, strangers.

More people started going missing. They all knew who took them but they couldn't say it. Couldn't admit it. Didn't want to.

Curfews were enforced. No one was allowed out after sundown, businesses had to shut down an hour before. No one was allowed out until dawn, schools were forced to start later. Anyone found breaking curfew was apprehended, sent to a holding facility. They weren't seen again.

#dp x dc #danny phantom #dc x dp #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #equilibrium #equilibrium AU #danny phantom au #dp crossover #this one is going to be pure angst for a while #just so much pain #so much #it gets worse before it gets better #it gets very very very bad before it gets better #just hurt/comfort but the comfort is in a different area code and we have to walk barefoot to it #happy ending though #thats a promise #i really really wanted a darker danny fic to write #but i had to put the boy through a lot to get him where i needed him to be #poor thing #you know its funny i hate putting Jason through angst but i tosee danny into woodchippers like its my job #jason is baby and danny is my emotional punching bag #tkahrk is basically the polar opposite of this fic and the vibes of them give me intense whiplash #also this prologue started with me going: you know what would be terrifying? if the GIW was competent. like the CIA but better

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blueberrypancakesworld · 4 months

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I will stay with you in the dark and beyond

Josh Wahsington x fem!reader

warning : fluff, hurt/comfort, kissing, mental health issues

Summary : A preparation for the meeting after the tragedy, ghosts of the past still haunting him. Cold snow on them as she realizes she just has to stay with him this time…together against the dark abyss inside him.

Info : In short i have to write for ud again (and this is the second time i deleted the first version yayyy) so i hope you like it and Josh just needs some love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snow flew down and up the big dark mountain as the bus stopped at the single stop in the middle of nowhere. The light broke through the early evening as two people got off the bus, knowing full well that this nowhere held a grisly and bitter sweet secret.

The snow began to creak under their sturdy shoes as they made their first steps off the road and onto the grounds. ,,Still as cold as ever," she muttered, pulling her hat a little more over her ears to protect them from the cold and especially the wind.

A glance to her side, however, let her know that her friend seemed more like an excited child and not a freezing one who still had a long climb ahead of him. ,,As always…but if you're cold, I can keep you warm," he grinned and approached his friend, his hands playing with the bobble on her hat before he pulled the sleep tightly around her neck to keep the cold out.

His green eyes showed love and joy but she knew it had been different a few hours and days ago. She had seen how this journey had weighed on him and how he had tried not to let it show. ,,Josh, my hero," she said, but she knew that if she brought it up now, it would not only ruin his mood but also his world for the day.

She knew how stubborn he could be, she also knew that he always appreciated her help, but now that they were here. It was different. The mountain as they started to walk up seemed bigger, scarier and colder, as if after a year everything would be less inviting, as if she was looking out for them but not in a good way.

But at the latest when Josh took her hand, she felt his cupped hand run over hers, a smile on his lips and always a sweetly cheeky saying and an even worse joke. ,,How about a kiss for the passage," he suggested as they arrived in front of the large iron gate that separated the still wild area from the private one and also told other people they weren't allowed in.

While Josh had climbed over the wall with ease, she knew that with her backpack and not exactly the best grade in sports, it wouldn't be so easy, it was cold, the stones might be icy and who knows what else. ,,A kiss?" she asked curiously, stepping closer to the gate, her hands gripping the cold ice as she was forced to carry her hand and still feel Josh's hand on hers as he stepped closer to the gate.

Green soul mirrors looking back at her, a smile on his lips as he saw her lean forward, but it was he who crossed the last barrier between them.

A brief, intimate kiss, a kiss that she knew would not be the first or the last on this chilly evening. The gate opened shortly afterwards and Josh let her through, putting his arm around her as they walked side by side, laughing and admiring nature to bridge the silence.

A short break in the cable car where she rested her head against his shoulder and he told a little trivial story from his school days about Chris and him. A story of amusement and yet she saw the amusement and the glint of envy in his green eyes.

Eyes that had a goal after they had left the last stretch behind them as they crossed the last few meters and arrived in front of the wooden hut. ,,Frozen like every year," she heard him say as she held the backpacks for a moment and turned away from the forest that lay cold and dark behind them but now saw that Josh had learned.

She smiled as she heard the click of a fire train You've learned not to get a cold from this again she thought back to the last time they were all still standing here outside the door and it had taken so long that the first two days were spent in the beds and they had a cold. ,,And yet you've learned not to make us sick again," she joked, squeezing past him before finally putting down her bags and backpacks and looking inside.

It really hadn't changed, how could it have since the incident a year ago, no one had been here except a few white plush covers had been thrown over the furniture to keep out the dust.

Walking further in and placing her jacket on one of the chairs, she was in the process of removing the platsik covers when she saw Josh still standing at the open door.

Green eyes that seemed to see something in the interior reminded her of what was going on in his head. ,,Josh? Are you all right?" she asked uncertainly, moving from the couch towards him and slowly taking his hand in hers, seeing how he still didn't quite realize where he was.

That it was no longer the tragedy of a year ago, that his medication was supposed to be working. Questions to which she had no answer but suddenly, before she could reach for her cell phone, he seemed to catch himself again.

,,Yes-yes, I'm fine…just distracted for a moment, let's unpack" he interrupted her, ignoring the open door, the snow and the furniture and taking the things they had with them before heading upstairs and down to the basement one by one.

,,Josh…I won't leave you alone again," she said resolutely, closing the door and making a fire in the fireplace before setting to work on the glorious meal that was canned rafioli while she listened to his mumbling in the house from time to time between their conversations.

But he seemed to have caught on, at least for today, as they sat together on the couch again, the TV showing something trivial about bears and their hibernation while they sat under the covers together and enjoyed their feast.

,,You are a true master chef," he praised and took the empty plate from her hand when she saw the smirk on his lips, ,,Well, what can I say, I'm just the best," she replied and put her hands on her hips before she felt Josh pull her slightly towards him.

She held on and she felt his hands grip her tighter and tighter almost as if he was afraid she would disappear, disappear like his sisters, like everything they had experienced.

But she allowed it, knowing that in the time that had passed Josh had gotten help, that in the dark times they had shared together she had been afraid for him when she had seen him at his darkest point and had run away.

But now, never again, she would stay with him, she knew that now, she knew she would stay with him. ,,I'm here Josh…I won't leave you," she reminded him and pulled him even closer to her, feeling a shaky breath come over his lips as he mumbled a thank you before she felt something slightly wet on her shirt.

She didn't have to let go of him to know that he was crying into the crook of her neck, hiding his mind from the house, the world that had taken his siblings from him. ,,Together, the two of us and the other one, we'll get everything sorted out, you hear?" she continued, stroking his back slowly, giving him all the time he needed before she heard him sniffle several times and he slowly detached himself.

My brave darling she thought as she looked into his face her hand I put to his cheek he nestled against it lightly seeking help green teary eyes looking into hers seeking help meeting giving help.

The pain that was behind the green and he seemed to realize now just how much her Josh had suffered…that he had apparently never left the darkness of the night a year ago.

That he hadn't found his way out alone and probably wouldn't if she left him. ,,Thank you for everything for being here and not leaving like her," he murmured, the hint of a smile on his lips that had stopped trembling.

Before she slowly came closer to him, waiting to see if he wanted a kiss, if he needed affection, the moment of calm passed with his slow nod of assent and she kissed him.

She could take away his worries for today at least, because something she knew was healing was the love between them and that, despite the pleasure, the future did not depend on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#until dawn #until dawn josh #josh washington #josh washington x reader #male x female #until dawn josh washington

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decodedlvr · 9 months

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As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x disabled!reader #steve harrington x ill!reader #tw sui talk #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x gn!reader #tw sick mention #mental health awareness #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x chronically!ill reader #steve harrington x sick reader #steve harrington angst #stranger things #joe keery #chronic pain issues #bpd #spoonie

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naturesapphic · 18 days

Note

hiya! i love your work and i was wondering if you could do an olivia benson one shot where she finds out y/n is secretly doing drugs/ alcohol because of mental health issues? thanks!

Lost

Olivia benson x fem!reader

Warnings: drugs, alcohol, hurt/comfort

You didn’t expect her to come home this early. Hearing the door open you quickly put away the white powder you were snorting and quickly putting it in your secret hiding place. You quickly washed your face and cleaned up as much as you could before Olivia was knocking on the bathroom door. “Baby? You in here?” She asked and you took a deep breath in, feeling the drugs go through your system. “Y-yeah…I’m fine…” you said slowly, trying to sound as normal as you possibly can.

Olivia opens the door to see your tired and disheveled appearance which makes her worry for you worse. She’s known that something was up for a while, I mean, she’s a detective for fuck sakes. She saw how you acted, how you’ve been acting towards her and other people, how you barley sleep and eat, barley take care of yourself, etc. The last straw was tonight was when she saw how terrible you looked and she saw some powder that you forgot to wipe away was under your nose. “Baby…why didn’t you come to me. I could have helped you…” she said quietly as you looked down at the ground, avoiding her gaze.

You just shrugged and continued to look down. Olivia went over to you and pulled you into her embrace. You immediately broke down in her arms and she felt herself tear up. “I got you babygirl…shhhh…I got you…” Olivia said as she places gentle kisses on the top of your head as she rubs your back. “I-I’m so s-sorry liv…” you sobbed out and she kept soothing you. After a few minutes, you calmed down enough to start talking with her and explain what’s been happening. You explained how your mental health was worse than ever and you didn’t want to bother her with it so you turned to alcohol and drugs. You knew it was stupid and reckless but you truly didn’t think of another way.

She listened to every word you said and made sure to reassure you here and there. You appreciated it and you kept telling her all how you felt and when you started doing everything. By the end of it, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders by telling Olivia everything. You knew you were in trouble and there may be a chance of you getting arrested but you were still glad you told your girlfriend. She helped you off the floor and helped you clean up. You told her where you hid your stash and she flushed it down the toilet. You winced a bit and she gave you an apologetic look. “It’s for the best baby. I know it’s hard and I’m sorry.” She apologized and you shook your head. “You didn’t do anything, no need to apologize liv…” you replied.

The two of you went into the bedroom where she helped you put your pjs on and helped you brush your teeth. Then y’all went into bed and liv pulled you into her arms, your head on her chest. “I’m gonna make sure you get the help you need babygirl…I promise…” she whispered against the side of your head and you hummed in approval. You knew you had a long road ahead of you, but you know you won’t have to walk it alone.

A/n: thank you for the request anon! I hope you enjoyed it and everyone else did too. Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all! :)

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denzelhart · 1 year

Text

Nightmares

Summary: You're having some nightmares and Rudy's there to help you.

Warning: Fluff (is this even count as a warning?), reader has no pronouns.

Wordcount: 1.0k

Note: This is a male reader fic but can be read as gender neutral! There maybe some error grammar because English isn't my first language.

hi, miss me :]?

Pairing: Rodolfo ‘Rudy’ Parra x Male reader

Having nightmares in the time of war isn't common for you or anyone but it makes you and your sleep schedule harder to manage.

Sleeping wherever you can. I mean anywhere with a flat surface, you take the opportunity to rest your eyes even a few minutes to a few seconds before going for the next practice or going on a new mission. Maybe just lay on the couch and perish.

Until someone calls you up. To make you do work other than lay your ass on the couch. Of course.

Like you take every chance you can sleep even just with your eyes closed.

It's not really good for your health and you know it. Totally didn't bother you at all but it bothers someone, Rudy. Your love.

Rudy took notice of your sleep schedule ever since you tried to sleep anywhere you can. At first, he let it go. Because who doesn't have a sleepless night right? Well, kinda wrong. Yours is a little different. He couldn't tell if you're working too much or having too many nightmares. In any case, he'd try to help you.

Rudy's not a man who stands there and watches his lover struggle trying to get some sleep. He won't tell how he noticed it in the first place.

He just knows or maybe he knows you too well. Three years of dating each other. Of course he knows you.

Waking up from another nightmare, your body trembling from what's been chasing you, covered in sweat making you uncomfortable in your own clothes. Already lost count of how many times you had nightmares. However you get a sleepless night, again.

Yay. Not very good news, still. Yay.

Getting off of your bed is the next thing you do. Reaching the doorknob and starting to walk to the kitchen. Your only friend for the next hour. While walking to the kitchen, you passed Rudy's room.

It got you thinking that you and him haven't talked much lately, Rudy may not be talkative like the other men did but when he's around his loved one. That's a whole different story. Like his teammate, Alejandro. They talked a lot on base and on their job. Maybe you and him don't have time for a little chat. It got busy a bit around here, in the military.

You missed him.

Already in the kitchen, you heard some noise coming from there. Seems like someone's having the same issue as you, walking into and there he is. Rudy.

"Someone having trouble sleeping?" looking at the man making some tea for his sleep, you assumed.

"Said someone who had trouble with nightmares multiple times." He only chuckled after hearing you mumble some words. "How did you know?" avoiding his gaze at your small figure, trying to be distracted by looking in the fridge.

"Mi amor, we've been dating for three years now. Of course I know you're having some nightmares, not some paperwork." Rudy walks over behind your figure, pulling you towards him with his hands around your waist. Moving his hand a bit, soothing you, giving some comfort and trying to make up the time you two have lost.

"You know, you can always tell me about it. I could help you." Rudy whispered enough for you to hear it.

"Didn't want to bother you while you were doing your job." Feeling his presence behind, you leaning your body against his. Finding some warmth from his body.

"I don't mind, especially helping you.." Rudy whispered again. Hoping you could let him help you this time. "Alright then.. if you insist. Let's see how you helped me" Now you're looking at Rudy, wondering what he would do to fix your sleeping problem.

"How about you settle in my room while waiting for me to make you some tea, then we can fix your sleeping problem." Rudy said, letting go of your waist then proceed to start making another cup of tea for you. "Sounds good, love?" He added.

Kinda missed the warmth of his body against yours. "Yeah, sound- wait. I'll stay in your room until morning?" You questioned, not knowing if you misheard it or not. "Yes, or you don't want to stay in my room?" Rudy turns his body around facing you, leaning into the counter a bit. Waiting for the kettle to boil.

"Oh um, I don't want to bother-" He cuts you off. "Do you want to sleep in my room? With me. Yes or no, mi amor." Looking at the other figure, knowing what the answer would be yet, he's still asking.

All you did was nodded.

"I need words, love." Rudy demanded.

"Yes, I'd love to.." When you finished your words, the kettle boiled. Waiting to be poured into the cup with the tea bag inside. "Good, go to my room first, I'll be there in a minute." He praised you and went back to making some tea.

All you did was nod at his words, walk away from the kitchen and make your ways to Rudy's room.

Open the room door, there it is. The room has remained the same since the last time you walked in and still smell like Rudy. It feels nice being back here. Sitting on his bed, waiting for that man coming back with two cups in his hands.

And he did come back with it.

Grabbing one of the warm cups. "Careful, it's still hot." Rudy is now sitting next to you, drinking a bit from his cup. "Good?" All you did was nodding, too tired to say a word to him. "Alright, let's get you to sleep. I see that you're getting tired now." He then guided you down his bed. Feeling the comforts of your lover's bed as well as the warmth of Rudy's body temperature.

"Good?" You nodded at his words, flushed your face into his chest. Feeling sleepy with Rudy's hand rubbing your back. Knowing what is comforting you the best.

"Get some sleep now. Tomorrow will be a long day, mi amor." and that's all it takes for you to fall asleep in Rudy's arms.

Seems like today the nightmares you have won't bother you anymore.

#denzel's writing #cod x male reader #cod #mw2 x male reader #cod x reader #mw2 x reader #rudy x reader #rudy x male reader

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aylacavebear · 5 months

Text

Retribution Chapter 4

Summary: You had DID for most of your life, over forty years, since you were two. It wasn't until after you were forty-three that you were finally able to heal it and become a singular. You're a hunter and have been with Dean for a very long time. Once you become singular, you have to face the horrors that your mental illness subjected on those you cared about, loved. Can you get past seeing yourself as worse than any monster you've ever hunted down?

Pairing is Dean Winchester x Reader/You

Warnings: Sexual Abuse (memories), Physical Abuse (memories), DID - Dissociation Identity Disorder (AKA MPD), Mental Health Issues, Alcoholism, Self-Deprecation, Thoughts of deserving to have it all done to "you".

Please, if you suffer from any mental illness, seek help. There are people out there who can help you get through it, no matter how alone you feel now or how hard it may seem.

A/N: This is going to be very dark, darker than anything I've written thus far. It will include many triggers - abuse both sexual and physical - in memories and what happens to the reader. I'm hoping it will have a happy ending but right now, I am not sure where this will go. This is your main warning before you begin reading. A/N: Dreams and Memories are indented in italics. Thoughts are in italics only.

Word Count: 3865

----------------------------------------- Chapter 4 - Rock Bottom

The nightmares were the same, your personalities molesting him nearly every night from the time you had moved in with him. It wasn’t bad on the nights when you had to sleep in the car with him and Sam, mostly since Sam was there. They didn’t want witnesses. Even on the nights when the three of you shared a motel room, it wasn’t bad, as Sam was always in the other bed in the same room.

It wasn’t until they found the bunker that things got really bad. You and Dean opted to share a room from the start, finally having some privacy. At first, things seemed normal. He’d brought up you getting handsy in your sleep before, even seductively moving against him to the point where he’d wake up rock hard from your movements. The first week was great. The second week, though, that’s when it started getting bad.

“What do you mean you woke up inside her?” Sam asked, almost feeling dirty having this bizarre conversation with his brother. “I don’t know. It was weird. I woke up and was halfway inside her, spooning her. Then, when I grabbed her hip to keep going, she elbowed me. I barely had time to block it,” Dean explained, completely confused. “Well, have you talked to her about it?” Sam asked as his mind raced with thoughts. “Not yet, no. I wasn’t sure what to say. She hasn’t done that before,” Dean sighed. “I can look more into that thing she said she had. What was it…” Sam trailed off, trying to remember. “The DID?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah. I can do some research on it. See what I can find out,” Sam offered. “That might help,” Dean replied, giving his brother a thankful smile. You’d been listening from the hallway where the rooms were. Neither of them knew you were there. Your mind raced, having no clue what to think about what you’d just heard. As far as you knew, you’d never physically hurt anyone before, let alone Dean, especially in your sleep. Then there was what he said about how it happened. You knew you were different in a lot of ways, having gaps in your memories, waking up in places you had no clue as to how you got there, and then there were other things like hangovers when you didn’t remember drinking the night before. Then, there were the “people” in your head that you talked to. They helped you do things, taking care of things you didn’t know how and you’d watch from within the mind. Now you were standing near the kitchen hallway, listening to another conversation the brothers were having in the kitchen. “You’re not gonna like this,” Sam sighed. “What?” Dean asked. “Well, DID is caused by severe trauma in childhood, before the kid turns eight. It’s usually sexual abuse by someone close to them. However, if the child has other issues like autism, ADHD, or something like that, even something as simple as harsh discipline can cause it,” Sam explained. Slowly, you brought your hand up, covering your gaping mouth at what Sam had said. That scared you, and your mind raced with questions. And then you saw it, the switch. The entire demeanor of your body changed, now standing straight, expressionless. You continued to listen, though, wanting to know what their next move was. “How can I help her, Sam?” Dean asked, and you could hear the sadness in his tone. “She needs professional help. This isn’t something you can help her get through. Plus, all her personalities have to want it, or it won’t work,” Sam continued explaining. “She’d never go for that. She hates doctors,” Dean sighed, “There has to be something online. Resources for someone who has DID and can’t see a doctor about it.” Sam sighed, “I’ll keep looking. Let’s just hope that she wants to get better. I just don’t know how long I can sit back and stay quiet, knowing what her personalities are doing to you at night. Then there’s how they are argumentative, deliberately making problems not only between you and her, but me and you and me and her.” “I just don’t want to lose her,” Dean said sadly. “Why would you lose her?” Sam asked, sounding puzzled. “The one I fell in love with, Sam. She’s in there. Sometimes, she comes out. I always know when it’s her, too. The others, they don’t let her out very often. So, I relish the time I do get to spend with her,” Dean explained, almost sounding as if he was lost in a memory. “One personality isn’t worth you getting abused like you are. No matter how much she means to you,” Sam tried to explain.

You woke up to the train horn, startled slightly since the train wasn’t moving very fast anymore. Peaking through a slit in the boxcar, you realized you were now at a train station, and it was nearly dawn.

Time to get a move on.

At the moment, you weren’t entirely sure what town you’d ended up in. Stuffing the mostly empty bottle of whiskey back in your bag, you jumped off the boxcar, not wanting to get caught having hitched a ride illegally. Ending up in a police station would have made it far to easy for the brothers to locate you, again.

Using the last bits of shadows of the fading darkness, you carefully made your way toward businesses and civilization. Chicago, Illinois.

Damn, need to get out of this city.

This wasn’t a safe city, and you knew it. Mostly because your personalities had been here before, when you had DID, and you didn’t need to have anyone recognize you. You couldn’t risk stealing a car either, knowing the brothers would be watching for that.

Guess that means I’m hitchhiking.

That wasn’t the safest either, but you didn’t have many options at the moment. You decided to head toward the lake and make your way further east. It seemed simpler than going along the main roads of the town.

As cars passed, you stuck out your thumb, but none of them stopped. You figured they were probably going to work and had no time for you, which only made your self-deprecating thoughts worse—that you really were worthless.

Your mind wandered as you continued walking. Any normal person would have gone to their family, their friends, and asked for help. You couldn’t, though. Right now, you felt like a monster. Thoughts of calling Cas or Crowley, both for different reasons, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do either at the moment.

When someone did stop, it was almost noon. At least it was a woman.

“Where you headed?” she asked you as you peeked your head in her passenger window.

“East. Doesn’t matter where. Just as far as you’re willing to take me,” you replied, giving her a friendly smile.

“Hop in. I’m heading a few hours down the road,” she replied with a soft smile.

“Thanks. I really appreciate this,” you replied, sliding into the passenger seat and keeping your bag in your lap.

You knew how you looked and were thankful the woman didn’t push you to talk about anything. The only other sound in the car was the music from her radio. You kept your view out the window for the duration of the drive. Then, you thanked her when she dropped you off at a gas station somewhere on the outskirts of a town.

Knowing you needed to eat something, you went and bought some jerky and a couple of those ready-made sandwiches most gas stations carried, along with a couple of bottles of water and another bottle of whiskey. Unfortunately you had to use one of your fake credit cards, as you’d run out of cash and hadn’t wanted to hustle pool to make more. Bars were the last thing you wanted to go into.

You nibbled on the jerky as you continued down the road, thumb out every time a vehicle passed by, even if it was few and far between. The day wore on, and soon, the sun began to set. You would have found the display of colors beautiful were you not in the mental state you were in. Just after dark, a pickup truck pulled over.

“Where you headed, little lady?” the man asked you.

If you’d been in your right frame of mind, you would have just kept walking. “East, as far as you’ll take me,” you replied, looking in through the passenger window.

“Hop in,” he said, giving you a smile.

“Thanks,” you told him, sliding into the passenger seat.

The inside of the truck was fairly clean, much to your surprise. The man looked to be in his late thirties or early forties, slightly scruffy, and with shoulder-length dark brown hair. You had no idea what you’d gotten yourself into by getting into his truck.

“What are you running from?” the man asked you as he began driving again.

“My past,” you answered, looking out the window.

“I could help you with that,” he said calmly, half watching you and half watching the road.

“I don’t need help. I just need to stay away from people,” you told him plainly.

“Why do you say that?” he asked, now curious.

You sighed. This wasn’t what you wanted to talk about, but since you hadn’t had anyone to talk about it, it all came flooding out. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you told this stranger every detail of your past that you had remembered thus far, although you left out the brothers' names.

“I’m a monster. I don’t deserve to live,” you sobbed out at the end, now mostly curled into a ball.

“You want to die?” he asked you, prying for more information.

After getting your tears to stop and taking several slow, deep breaths, “Yes and no. I mostly want to give him retribution for what happened. I just don’t know how to go about subjecting myself to that kind of abuse for the same length of time,” you answered, fairly quietly.

The man smirked, and you only caught it out of the corner of your eye as he turned to look at you, “I might know someone who could help you with that,” he replied, his eyes going black.

Your heart began pounding in your chest as the air caught in your lungs, barely able to breathe. He was a demon, and you had nothing on you to defend against him. All that stuff was back in the trunk of your car.

He laughed, “I’m not gonna hurt you. My boss, he’s been looking for you for a few days now,” he began explaining as his gaze went back to the road. “He sent over a dozen of us out looking for you.”

Terror gripped you, and all you could do was stare at him. You had no idea how you were going to get yourself out of this little mess, even with the memories of being a hunter from the personalities who had done that. Demons only had one boss, and you knew that, Crowley. Then, curiosity got the better of you.

“Why is Crowley looking for me?” you asked, your voice shaking.

The demon grinned, sending a chill down your body, “The Winchesters are looking for you. So, Crowley wants you.”

He’d said it so plainly as if it was a common occurrence. You took several slow, deep breaths and turned back to look out the window, slowly getting comfortable again. There was no point in attempting to run, not now.

Perhaps this is for the best. I can get my questions answered now.

Your phone vibrated again in your pocket. With a silent sigh, you pulled it out. It was Sam, again. The demon glanced at you as you turned off your phone and slid it back into your pocket, which made him smile.

Nearly twelve hours later, the demon was pulling up to an old, abandoned asylum. You stared at it as the demon got out, and to your surprise, he opened the passenger door for you.

“Uh, thanks?” you told him, fairly confused. Demons normally didn’t have manners, nor were they nice.

“This way,” he said, so you followed.

As the demon guided you toward Needham Asylum, Crowley’s base of operations on Earth, an ominous feeling washed over you. It was a three-story building made of stone and brick, tattered due to weathering and abandoned prior to Crowley making it his. Broken stones littered the sides of the long set of stairs leading to the porch, where a heavy door stood.

The demon opened the door, letting you enter ahead of him. He then guided you down a hallway to your right. The demons the two of you passed only stared, staying quiet. You’d fought lots of demons when you had DID, even exorcised them out of their host body and back to hell. This though, being at Crowley’s base of operations, demons all around the place, was fairly intimidating, especially with nothing to defend yourself.

This place reminded you more of an old castle and dungeon than an asylum. He stopped in front of hardwood-arched double doors that came together at a point where the two met at the top. A demon guard was on either side of the doorway, both staring at you and the demon who pushed the doors open.

Inside, it opened up into a large throne room, more medieval-style torches adorned the columns that went from the floor to the ceiling, leading into more archways, casting dim light around the rather large room. There were several demons around the room, doing various tasks, but they all stopped to stare at the two of you as you followed the demon, who approached the throne.

There he sat, Crowley, the King of Hell himself, upon a dark wooden throne on a platform that took two steps to reach. He seemed bored until his gaze found you behind the demon. He was dressed in his typical black suit. Always the businessman.

Before the demon could speak, though, Crowley spoke, “Wel, well, well. What do we have here?” His voice echoed through the chamber, sending a chill down your spine. He seemed amused at your presence. “I must say, I didn’t expect to see you gracing my humble abode so willingly.” His Scottish accent always made your skin crawl.

You swallowed hard, trying not to lose your nerve now. The demon that had led you there bowed his head before stepping to the side, leaving you alone in the center of the room. Everything you’d thought about, contemplated and debated left your mind.

“Something's different about you,” Crowley speculated before he stood and moved closer to you. When you took a couple of small steps back and away from him, he chuckled. “Now, love, aren’t getting cold feet, are you?”

Crowley walked around you, almost like he was studying you. It took everything in you to keep your eyes on him, “The demon said… you were looking for me. Why?” you asked, but your voice was far more timid than you wanted it to be.

“Well, isn’t this an interesting development?” he mused, raising an eyebrow as he moved to stand in front of you. “They’re all gone now, aren’t they? And you’re what’s left.”

You flinched at his words, “You knew?” there was far more confidence in your tone than you felt at the moment.

“I make it my business to know things. You still didn’t answer me, earlier,” he pushed.

Your heart was pounding, and it was hard to breathe, let alone look at Crowley for very long. “I’m a monster,” you mumbled, now looking at the floor, “I-I can’t face them. I can’t face…” You tried to say his name, but your voice broke as you felt the tears burn your eyes.

If you’d been looking at Crowley, you would have seen his amusement but also caution. He knew just how persistent the Winchesters could be when they wanted something.

“They- he deserves retribution for what I’ve done to him. The same should be done to me… for the same amount of time…” you mumbled out, slowly looking up at Crowley.

You couldn’t read him. All you could tell was that he was thinking. Then, he spoke, “For now, you’ll stay in a cell.”

With those words, one demon took your bag, then your phone from your pocket, while two others escorted you out of the throne room, down a few different hallways, and pushed you into an empty cell. You didn’t fight them, and you didn’t turn around when you heard the cell door lock.

This was a brilliant idea. Now I don’t even have my whiskey.

You sighed and sat down on the very uncomfortable surface meant to be a bed, taking in your surroundings. The place stank of blood, death, and bodily excrements. Not to mention the sulfur due to all the demons around.

The cell also wasn’t very well lit, as the torches were in the hallway, casting more shadow than anything inside. Lying down on the makeshift bed, you stared at the ceiling, what of it you could see anyway.

I’ve hurt him so much, even if I’m not them. It’s still the same face, the same body. All he’ll ever see is them. I’d never do those things to him, but that doesn’t matter.

Your mind wandered, which wasn’t a good thing, especially sober.

You were in your shared room again, and you could tell that it was the personality that loved him who was in control of the body. You watched as she roused from sleep, far earlier than normal. She looked over at his sleeping form, giving him a soft smile as you felt the tears begin to slide down your cheeks. She moved closer, gently dancing her fingertips along his chest as she leaned on her elbow, lying next to his naked body, only love in her eyes. It was when she reached for his face that he flinched away from her, quickly covering his face with his arms. She shied away from him, curling up in a ball with her knees tucked close to her chest, and sobbed silently. This had happened numerous times since the three of you had moved into the bunker. He’d also jumped in his sleep when she’d gone to wake him up before, attempting to get away from her before she could physically assault him. It always happened with her, the personality that loved him, and it broke her heart, and now yours as you watched silently.

Something pulled you from your thought or nightmare, you weren’t quite sure which. It was possible you had dozed off, but still, you weren’t sure. You turned your head a bit to look out through the bars of the front of the cell.

Wonder what that sound was…

When no one came by, you just sighed and returned your gaze to the ceiling. Since you were still on Earth and not in Hell, time passed normally. You thought back, to when Dean had gone to Hell. One month was equivalent to ten years. Your mind then wandered to the work you’d done on yourself and the DID.

It had been hard and tedious, but you could only work on it when other personalities wouldn’t interfere, and you could be alone, away from the brothers. The beginning timeframe felt like you’d done nothing more than gone in circles.

“How come you’re up so late?” Sam asked you a year after you’d begun research and attempting to heal your illness, causing you to jump and slam the laptop shut. “Couldn’t sleep,” you mumbled, not looking up at him. You watched from across the room, and it was clear to you that Sam didn’t believe the excuse you’d given him at the time. “Want some company?” he asked, although you could tell he didn’t really mean it. “No. I think I’m gonna try to go get some sleep,” you mumbled again, grabbing the laptop before getting up. As you watched the interaction in the memory, it was clear that Sam wanted to say so much more to you, but he was holding his tongue. You sighed, knowing it was because of his brother that he was staying quiet and keeping his thoughts to himself. You followed yourself in the memory, to an empty room. The door closed, and you were sitting on the bed, laptop open, reading whatever was on the screen about healing your illness. You could also see tears in your eyes from the glow of the screen. The memory changed, and you were now in one of the archive rooms that the brothers never went into. You saw yourself sitting in a corner with the laptop again. Squinting your eyes, you realize this memory was from only a year ago when the mergers began happening. This time though, it was Dean who walked in on you. “Hey, why are you hiding in here?” he asked you softly, taking care not to approach you too quickly, having no clue which personality was present at the moment. You closed the laptop but didn’t look up at him, “I just wanted quiet.” You almost didn’t notice how your tone had no feeling in it as you watched things play out before you. Their memories were always in third person. “You’ve been hiding a lot these days. Wanna talk about it?” he asked you, still a good five feet away from you. “Not really. I wouldn’t know what to even say,” you answered, now looking up at him. Watching, you saw it, the change in you. It was in your eyes, and at least to you, it was apparent that things were different with you. “I’ve been with you through so much. I know I’m not the best when it comes to emotions, but I’m here to lean on. I wish you’d let me help you,” he sighed. “You can’t help me with this,” you sighed, looking away from him. He said nothing and just left you alone. Tears flowed down your cheeks as you opened the laptop again, going back to what you’d been working on. Watching everything made you shed silent tears. You remembered this moment, and on that laptop was the document where you’d been communicating with your other personalities, attempting to get them all on the same page.

“Hey, Crowley wants to see you,” a male demon said from the other side of the bars, pulling you from the memory, or nightmare, you weren’t sure.

“Fine,” you mumbled, slowly standing up and approaching the cell door, but the demon didn’t open it, he just smirked.

“Oh, you’re not getting out. He’s coming down here to see you,” the demon said in a low, pleased tone.

You just rolled your eyes and sat back down on the makeshift bed, keeping your mouth shut. That was when the angel appeared in your cell, grabbed your shoulder, and the two of you disappeared.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 5 - Guardian Angel

Retribution Master List

Tag List: @jc-winchester @nancymcl

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