#i have an interview today also for something idek if i Would want

[tshifty]

.

[jiminjeonging]

Im not even religious but I will be praying for jmj live or tiktok every day until it happens istg, lets just hope we get a miracle, nothing wrong with getting a lot of audiz content i do love the bff dynamics we get with them and its very fun but cmon sm let jmj out of the basement and let them post more content!! They have expressed in the past how they have filmed content together but stoopid sm wont ever let it see the light of day, im praying for the whole aespa fandom and jmjers starting from today hope it works yall ✊️😔.

And also, i saw the anon talking about sm silencing them or pulling them apart or something like that, and I definitely agree, mainly because they want the girls to have a specific image to appeal to the public and wheneved we get any other pair that isnt jmj u can tell that they only give off good friends vibes and people like it, thats why they go with that image, but when jmj does content together there is this different vibe in their bond, and i have a feeling that sm has had to cut a lot of content from behind videos or just straight up havent posted special jmj content. They only use their dynamics when they want the public to see a pair of friends that have known each other the longest in the group, so they bring them to reality shows or interviews sometimes to show that dynamic, but i think its noticeable sm is tired of cutting so much content and making it tone it down and im sure they have told jmj to separate more than once in the past, its very sad cause even if other pairs are very fun and heartwarming (mingmingz is so cute thats the purest form of cutie patootie turns fierce when protecting another cutie patootie 💗) i think jmj is also a pair that can appeal to the public and everyone loves jmj cmon (regardless of shipping or not the pair) anyways enough rambling for today idek what i just wrote lmao

thank you for your prayers may they come true<3<3

honestly yeah jmj has been getting separated and i think its been obvious like jmj themselves called out them cutting their karaoke and all of their hugs got cut too.. i also think they were told to tone down skinship since they are moments of them hesitating to hold each other :(( they are sent to one show per cb to promote the cb as the popular duo and thats it. jmj is very much known with gp too like they can stop interacting for a year and koreans would still scream Karwin😭😭 thats why them not having official content and getting censored is very much sus like you're telling me they werent ever offered a duo photoshoot when even their fanfics blow up in korea😭😭

[zabreti]

the time has finally come for me to start expressing what i have been overwhelmingly feeling for the past week, since i started to properly listen to this sunshine of a woman named joanna newsom. i want to- actually, i need to vent a little about the album ys, since it’s the one i first listened to. plus my initial contact with joanna’s work and thoughts that came with it

even though i only found out about her a few months ago, i guess everyone knows her(?); if you don’t, you should. there’s not one single moment in which i’m not mad at myself for not finding her sooner. so fyi, she’s a harpist, pianist, singer and songwriter from nevada. according to some sources, she may be the most famous harpist alive today; i really don’t know about you, but it really sounds quite badass for me.

i started searching for her stuff after watching her husband’s - andy samberg - multiple interviews, where he would be sometimes asked about their marriage. i’ve been binge watching random interviews with people i like for the last weeks, and i found myself actually watching some interviews of hers before i even got to listen to her music.

btw, look at this fucking adorable couple. just look at them for a second.

first of all, what a lovely woman! each answer, each laughter, each little thing she did on camera caused an admiration for the idea of andy and her together to grow strongly; i wasn’t even sure if it was ok for me to feel so strongly about someone else’s relationship. my curiosity grew when i started to read the comments on these videos on youtube, pretty much 100% of them being about her intelligence, her talent and how her music sounds angelical, mystical and perfectly constructed. (let it be said that it only grew more and more as i watched every single interviewer asking both andy and joanna about how different their works are, and how different they appear to be as individuals; not only was suggested that andy would probably not rise up to such an intelligent, serious taste as to fall in love with her (he doesn’t even need to say a word for anyone to realize how passionately in love he is with joanna and her entire work), but also said that no one could believe she was actually able to be a goofy, easy-going, good-humored person because of the lyrics she writes. ok, i could spend hours listing the unnecessary questions i identified in these interviews, and how i get easily annoyed by these famous hosts assuming stuff or trying to create an uncomfortable environment; and don’t even get me started on the fact that most of the interviews she was invited to would revolve around her relationship with andy. i’m choosing to let this feeling pass for now, since it’s not my focus today.)

i couldn’t help but start by saying all this since i truly adore andy’s works, and nothing feels warmer than realizing two amazing people are in love and have a family together by choice.

i mean..... ??????? c’mon. greatest couple alive. try and fight me on this.

another interesting thing i found out was that she dislikes streaming platforms similar to spotify, which probably (?) justifies the fact that i never came across her songs, since i use spotify on a daily basis and have been using it to find new artists for the last years. call me ignorant, it’s fine, truly; but i haven’t heard of similar opinions coming from artists, and it made me even more curious to know what this woman was expressing, creating, thinking. she actually told larry king: 

“spotify is a business model. it’s not good. it’s based on the idea of circumventing the payment of artists. (...) i’m not opposed to streaming. i understand that the world is shifting and that the way music is valued and monetized is shifting, and i’m ok with that. and i’m even ok with people not paying for music (...), i just wish that there was a better way to do it that didn’t only pay a company. (...) i haven’t heard of one [alternative to spotify] that seems built the way that i would prefer it to be built.”

one of spotify owners (owners or directors, idek and idec) even replied to her many critics, but she never changed her mind or retreated from defending even her honest, harsh comments about how spotify is “like a villainous cabal of major labels”. for me, that’s a badass woman. not only for expressing herself without giving a damn about anyone who might be offended in this process, but also for choosing the path that felt ethical and worthy, and being recognized all over the world for her talent while following her own ways. i know, right? simply awesome.

there i was, reading the endless comments on her interviews’ videos and wondering what the fuss was all about. there was nothing left for me to do other than to actually start listening to her songs. i could have done it by looking up her discography and starting from her first project, but somehow i stomped into the ys album, which was released in 2006, in youtube itself.

first of all, would you look at this freaking cover?

i found it absolutely gorgeous in each detail; in fact, i really wish to know if there are meanings in the little specific parts of the painting. maybe there aren’t any and i’m just trying to create a more complex joanna in my mind? sure, sounds like me. or maybe there are lots of ‘em and she already said it on camera and i simply missed this video? sure, sounds possible. i won’t lie, i spent so much time thinking about this cover... maybe way too much time. alright, on we go.

there are 5 tracks on the album: emily, monkey & bear, sawdust and diamonds, only skin and cosmia.

at first, i didn’t quite understand what i was listening to. and i’m not talking about the lyrics, i’m talking about the whole idea of the album, the artist, the genre. the conjunction formed by her high pitches and soft, delicious vocal variations, surrounded lovingly by the harp and the violins was very mysterious to me. at first, i wouldn’t be encouraged to keep listening to her. but something kept me there, seated, staring at the screen and paying attention to each second of it. it was an experience. a real transportation. i searched for the lyrics on genius, and anyone that would pass by my bedroom’s open door would see me completely enamored by what i was listening to, like a concentrated kid being told an epic, adventurous, huge, beautiful and complex story. that is exactly how i felt: in the middle of a field, picturing each image she described in the song; each figure, each feeling. she described it all in a way that made me wonder how can someone describe a dream so vividly, how can someone describe anything so perfectly, so fully, and not sound redundant, not sound at all boring. the way the melody and the lyrics fit together, as a gift perfectly wrapped and tightly involved in the most beautiful way. i repeat: it was an experience. it is an experience. this is not something you can listen to at any given time, at any given place; i would not dare to not pay attention each time i would plan to listen to it. this is how seriously submerged i felt by joanna in that moment; in that entire day.

all of this, all of this immersion, all of this dream-like state in which i found myself in, kept growing its roots in me throughout the entire album, in a way i needed to show someone - anyone - joanna before i even got to finish the five songs; and the first one that came near me happened to be my mother. while listening, she actually found it quite pleasing, “like some old movie’s soundtrack” when listening to emily, “like an 1960′s melody” when listening to sawdust and sand, and on she went about the entire album. and this got me thinking about how i would describe her genre; of course, after following her on bandcamp i found out i was actually listening to some folk/pop/avant-garde/baroque pop/chamber folk/indie stuff. sounds about right, but at the same time not right at all, for some reason. i believe it’s fair to say that joanna has a magical, rare quality to her music that makes it different to each one listening to it. i’ve said it too much and i’ll say it again: it’s an experience, a complete, true one. it ressonates with deep, personal places. and, strangely, it makes many people describe the feeling that urges to grow inside their hearts as “home”; and i share this exact same sensation.

i really don’t know if it makes any sense, but see: i cherish my alone time probably more than anything in the world. i have learned to be my own best friend in many ways, and being by myself in some quiet days, at my house, reading, listening, watching and creating is when i can truly be myself. with that said, listening to this album, i felt at home. it made me feel even more alone, and i mean it in the most loving, warm, hypnotizing way. 

the ys album is a relatively quick production to be heard, even though it feels like you’ve been gone for hours, days, weeks on end while listening to it. the amount of literary, historic and philosofical references in the lyrics is magically overwhelming; i simply wasn’t able to snap out of it for a long time, and i have, to this day, re-listened to the album about 5 times. still reading the lyrics again and again, still grasping at some expressions faintly but amazed, still finding out about hidden and not so hidden meanings behind each track. still defining it, every single day.

i hope for the great discoveries i feel like pursuing from her work, and the diverse new singers, song-writers, harpists, pianists, violinists, chellists and musicists in general i’ll try to find, understand and support from now on. i’m thankful for finding out how much i love the mix between an orchestra-like atmosphere and a sweet, honest voice ringing in my ears; and how the words assembled together feels like a psychography.

i thank the universe every single day for the opportunity to discover people like joanna newsom.

[noctomania]

I feel like shit today. Piss poor mood bc i feel like my job is slowly hurting my health. I know my diet has been poor, I'm not eating enough calories. And i want to get a new job but there is SO. MUCH. IN. THE. WAY.

1. Im busy looking for someone to take the last room in my apartment, a fucking task that im sick to death of having to take responsibility for bc nobody else will

2. Once i finally have that resolved (which idek when the fuck it will be bc I'm the only one doing any damn thing about it) i have to figure out what jobs are even available

3. If the job is in person ill likely have to either find a way to or wait on access to a vaccine before i get to get the job

4. I have to find a job that will financially support me ideally keeping me about where i am now which is incredibly hard because

5. My resume is shit this is my longest job and it's not a career

6. i discovered yesterday im probably not even technically a "professional" bc my job is just considered "dumb labor"

7. I cannot escape - every time im job searching - the guilt of the degree i got and cannot use at all. Point to a job that would be interested in someone with a degree in art education but very little classroom experience bc they were working 2 jobs while in college to afford to finish college?

8. There is still so much i do not feel like i really understand about applying for jobs bc there is no standard and every hiring manager looks for random subjective bullshit. Cover letters are a joke, nobody has the same opinion on what makes a good resume, and interviews are just a test of how well you can fake it. Nobody is in the job who they were in the interview. I've interviewed people before, i know the truth. Also hello speaking for myself as well.

9. Lastly it's hard to look at leaving something that has been comfortable despite how unhealthy it is. First kob ive had for many years, that i had benefits, that i had a union. And a big name institute too. It was supposed to be like i got my foot in the door but it's not that simple. If you want into this place you gotta get your foot in the door while you're kissing asses of people you don't know. That aint me. I still don't know how i got here, all i can think is i was lucky.

I'm just genuinely scared for my health. I suspect my hairloss might be something other than just baldness. If I'm as bad at calorie intake as i suspect it may be due to that. Which is promising in some effect that perhaps ill get some hair back. But also concerning bc what if I don't get better? What if I'm stuck? What if i dont get around to getting help or can't get it up to help myself? Ive tried. It's complicated and hard. Idk if it counts as an eating disorder but i consider it as bad.

Plus on top of this, if i want help from a nutritionist guess what i need. Health insurance, like i have here. It's like i can only get help if I'm subjecting myself to getting hurt first. I hate this shit. I just want to be and feel better. I want my energy i want my hair i want to not be overweight when i am walking over 4miles a day - it just shouldn't be the case. It's so cyclical, like i dont have an appetite bc i haven't eaten bc i felt sick bc i didn't have an appetite so i didn't eat....

Can i just wear a camelback filled with applesauce and call it a day? Throw some vitamins in and see where that takes me.

[larry2210]

Alright soooo, we all know how Louis and Harry met so I won’t go THAT back in time but I’ll start at 2010 where they where already formed as a band. My timeline will be a little different than most you’ve seen. In all honesty, it’s a lazier version but still somewhat informative so bare with me or whatevs.

These are MY outlook and opinions on there relationship so don’t hate because I got time today, tomorrow matter of fact, everyday.

But anyways chile,

2010 and 2011 - So these 2 years is a year I truly believe was the “puppy love faze.” I say this because in my opinion they seemed to like each other (Especially Louis *cough cough*) but didn’t really talk about those fellings to one another just yet due to the fact that they MIGHT have been confused on those feelings they had for one another. I also believe that this was the year one of them made a move (verbally or physically.) By this I mean that either Harry or Louis confronted the other individual first (ex: Louis confronts Harry first about his feelings or vise versa.) and told them how they truly felt. I can’t really say what year I believe that was (could have been 2010 or 2011) but for sure, one of them confronted the other about how they felt first. In my opinion, it resulted well because the other individual returned those feelings to. I also believe that towards the end of 2011 they most likely started getting even more comfortable around one another in a sense that they shared “single beds” and also went on a trip with no other band mates but themselves and shared a tent. I could say clothes but all of the band mates shared clothes (in the early days) so that’s not really proof in my opinion. When they started wearing the same clothes when the band to a hiatus (Louis and Harry) that’s proof for sure but when they shared clothes and was still in the band I can’t really consider that proof. (Sorry not sorry) This was also the year Eleanor came into the picture.

** Random little rant/input about Eleanor and Louis “relationship.”

* Okay so there relationship confuses me it’s like... you can only fake a relationship for so long until you explode you know what I mean? So I’m questioning why Louis still drags her along with him if the relationship is “fake.” His contract is over and he publicly followed Harry so like there’s literally no reason for him to associate with one of his “beards” anymore. But what I honestly think is that Eleanor is lowkey his dog sitter like y’all think about it she’s ALWAYS with his dogs like what if she just babysits them that’s all?! Lol I know I sound mad crazy but like for real! Another thing to is I totally understand that you don’t have to get married to someone to prove your love to them but like... he shows more affection to Harry more than his actual “girlfriend” and he hasn’t at least proposed to her. I also heard that they have little tattoos on there hand that says the first letter of there name. (L and E) but idk she still associates herself with his sisters to so like idek she confuses me a bunch because it’s like I know Larry is real but where does El fit in ya know?

** Rant Over

2012 - By this time I believe they where dating and beyond comfortable in there relationship nobody can tell me otherwise lol. 2012 was the LOUDEST year ya feel? (Besides 2018) in 2012 there where MANY proofs pertaining to there relationship I won’t name them all because if your a Larry you should know by now every “Larry moment” from A - Z without needing it written down. 😆 Anyways love, what made me become a Larry was this year alone (2012.) Their would be videos of Louis touching Harry or vise versa. Or there would be videos of Louis getting jealous of something Harry did or said or Harry getting jealous by something Louis did or said. I believe this year was there prime year of their relationship in a sense that they where so open with it and not closeted because they weren’t ridiculed by the whole world just yet. Even though Eleanor was in the picture by then, and Harry was supposedly dating Taylor, Louis and Harry bond was beyond unbreakable around this time. In my eyes they where head over heels in love with one another. (Sounds corny but it’s true honestly.) I believe that Taylor and Harry had a thing. It most definitely wasn’t anything super serious but it still was a little “fling” I should put it. I say this because when they would ask Louis about how he felt about “Haylor” he would get this little attitude in a way that anyone in relationship would react. He said in one interview; (can’t remember what the interviewer was called) “I’m happy that there good friends.... if that.” He said the last part not so loud but babygirl thank the lord for subtitles. Why would Louis react like that if Harry was just his “friend” ? No one else in the group seemed bothered by Harry and Taylor little “fling” or any of Harry’s other little “flings” but Louis... why? Because Harry at the time, was Louis man babygirl periodddd.

* Rant about Louis and Harry Relationship/Relationships.)

I believe that they had a open relationship where they where allowed to date whomever as long as it wasn’t something long term or serious. I say this because most of the little “flings” or relationships Harry had never lasted past a year... + we all know for a fact that Harry didn’t date all those girls the media said he did. Anyways back to there open relationship. It would make the most sense why Harry could have a little “fling” as well as Louis and there relationship stayed somewhat neutral. I know it might sound crazy but it could be true. Doing that in any relationship is extremely toxic but I believe it’s something they did. I’m not considering El as part of Lou’s “relationship” because idek what Louis considers her tbsfr sis) anyways love, it would honestly explain why Harry got broken - hearted when Louis got Brianna pregnant. For example that one concert when he said “Here in One Direction we love love, we usually just spread it all around.” And Louis told Liam and Niall that he thinks Harry is f’ing with him. Why would Harry say that if he didn’t feel some type of way about Louis becoming a dad? Why would Louis respond in such way if what Harry said wasn’t directed to him? I’m going to get hate for this to but Freddie is Louis child sis. I don’t think that Louis would go as far to fake a child tbh. (I could be wrong) But on a side note, It’s so disrespectful when people say that Freddie isn’t his kid when Freddie little adorable self looks exactly like Louis. Some people in this fandom (sometimes) have a tendency to deny every relationship the boys are in and say “management formed it!” I literally never seen a relationship that Harry or Louis has been in where the fandom accepted it and admitted that it was real. (Besides the relationship between Louis and Harry) it’s always “FAKE” or “FLUKEY” or “ARRANGED” even when Harry said my “ex” in one of his interviews (referring to Camile) Some Larries & Harries where so quick to say; “HE WAS FORCED TO SAY THAT I PROMISE YOU HE NEVER DATED CAMILE AHHHHH.” Like love chill out. I’m not even trying to be rude but someone had to say it. 🤷🏾‍♀️

*RANT OVER.

2013 - I consider this the first downfall of there relationship in a sense. This was a time where I feel like there relationship was sort of rocky. Around this time management restricted the boys (Louis and Harry) to not really “touch” or socialize with each other like they did before. I believe management did this in hopes to kill the “Larry Stylinson “rumor”.... but we all know that if a rumor lasts for more than 10 years ... love that ain’t a rumor no more that’s a FACT. Anyway, by management doing this it got Louis and Harry so used to ignoring each other in a way and being very cautious to what they did or said. We all know that both of these gentlemen are both very private individuals so I believe that they themselves didn’t really like the fact that people knew about their relationship and was constantly talking about it + management making them hide there relationship didn’t make the situation any better. It seemed to me that this had a big toll on both of them equally. If you watch Larry proofs (2012-2013) there’s most definitely still proof there (2013) but it’s not as straight forward as it was 2012 it’s more hidden emotions or hidden gestures. (There where very few moments (in 2013) where there gestures between one another was out there) Another thing I have to say to is Zayn was so LOUD lol. What I mean by that is that he would ALWAYS BE SO OBVIOUS when he saw Louis or Harry flirting with each other or when they where mad at one another. He would always look back and forth between the two or nudge them if they did or said something naughty to one another (he would mostly do that with Louis)

2014 - 2014 was a year where they (Louis and Harry) officially became “pros” at ignoring one another. They where so used to doing what management told them to do that having to act a certain way around one another for sure had a big toll and them and the relationship as a whole. To many people it looked like they “hated” one another but to me that’s not the case. All the boys in the band (not just Louis and Harry) where used as muppets. The media and management controlled them. When you get famous, you have no control of you anymore in all honesty. People paint/make you the way THEY want and that’s what happened to Louis and Harry but instead it was with management. I believe 2014-2015 they argued a bunch. Not to the point where it became physical, but to the extent of some harsh words getting thrown here and there so with the fighting it cut ties between them even more. (Harry ain’t sing sweet creature for nothing)

2015 - Same thing as 2014. By this time Zayn has left the group which had a big toll on all of them but for sure had a bigger toll on Harry. Around this time to, Louis announced he’s going to be a dad. I know for a fact Harry was somewhat hurt at the fact that Louis got a girl pregnant (like I mentioned above) so he had a little “fling” with Kendall and MAYBE another girl or 2, to get his mind off Louis. To me though there relationship seemed like the type that they broke up then got back together... multiple times. Because around November of 2015, Louis and Harry went on a 14 hour plane ride and when Louis landed he for one looked mad happy and not tired and Harry plaid shirt was more ripped I believe. Later on the boys when on a talk show where the host asked if any of the boys “did it” on a airplane. Louis turned his board proudly saying “I HAVE.” Harry was hesitant but he said he has to. What a coincidence that, that interview was 2 weeks after the plane incident between Lou and H. I am fully aware that TV shows are always pre -recorded but for a fact that interview was AFTER the plane incident (Nov. 11 when the pictures leaked of H and L). So like I said before there relationship seemed like an on and off thing which can be draining most definitely.

2016 - By then, the boys agreed to take a “break” from the group. Harry was working on his album and his upcoming movie “Dunkirk” which both got released in 2017. I believe this year wasn’t really loud (I WILL NOT consider Harry supporting Lou when his mother passed away as proof because that’s beyond disrespectful he was being there for him through one of his toughest times and to use that as “proof” is very impertinent. ) There was some photos of Louis sleeping in Harry bed around but that’s all I could find for any “proofs. correct me if I am way wrong.

2017 - 2017 was the year Harry was with Camile (Around June I believe the started dating) many fans didn’t know due to the fact that they where very private about it so it’s almost like that relationship never existed lol. They dated for exactly a year or so but I believe they broke up because of Harry heart feeling for someone else... his little baby Louis. Some of the songs in his album (Harry’s) was based on relationships especially sweet creature. Every time I hear that song, I literally say to myself he should have just named it “Louis Tomlinson I miss you so I wrote a song for you kk bye.” Around this time I don’t think they where talking in “that way” (couple way) due to the fact that Harry was being busy touring while also being with Camile and overall just always doing something around the clock. (As well as Louis.) When asked if sweet creature was about Louis, Harry stuttered like crazy. It was a personal question but it for sure caught him by surprise because he knew it was and didn’t really know how to get around that question without stuttering like crazy first. Also he didn’t really make sense with what he said. In the beginning he mentioned how he didn’t really want to tell a listener what or who the song is about and for them to think whatever they’d like but in the end Harry said; “I would lean towards no... But it’s like I thought you didn’t want to tell people listening to the song what to think of it... hmmmm 🤔

2018 - This to me was the second loudest year (Besides 2012) Louis was a judge in X-factor and Harry was touring again. I believe this was the time where they rekindled there relationship again (L and H) because to me Harry seemed more happy and more open with himself. There where also photos of Louis watching his little boo thang (Harry) at his concert. Harry would sing and look up at someone while smiling. Also when the girl said “Looks like THEY made it.” Harry just smirked because the girl done changed the lyrics (sorry I don’t know her name don’t come at me lollll) I believe that was the same day Louis was there watching H. Also, how they where both together with Nick that one day:) (2018 was so loud fax no printer) anyways love, in my opinion Louis looked happy to and more vibrant because he knew that him and H where together again. There was video proof of L struggling to sit down while he was getting in the car with Simon also he had a pillow for his X-Factor chair 👀 I ain’t saying Harry did some but he had his man struggling to sit the next day so idkkkkkkkkkk. ☕️

2019 - The only proof that I can recall is Harry taking that photo of Lou for his birthday. Lou and H are very private but to me it seemed like their relationship was still going strong around this time and that they just where vibing.

2020 - Biggest proof pertaining to Larry 2020 would have to be that interview in January that Louis did where he is at home and is literally soooo distracted by whoever is infront of him (*cough cough Harry sis.) After that interview I don’t even wanna know what happened because chile Louis was READ-TEAAA. Anyways yes here’s my lazy version of the Larry timeline. Excuse my typos it’s 4 AM right now and I’m tied but if I got more to add I will!

[natsunoomoi]

Chinese Romance Novels in English

So by chance and obviously successful marketing, I’ve had a lot of web novel apps being advertised to me and out of boredom I downloaded one and got hooked real bad.

The first app I got I think I might delete because most of it seems like trash and was clearly like American wannabe writers. I kind of just read the first few chapters of one story that they happened to put into an advertised Facebook post and I just wanted to continue the story 1 or 2 chapters just to get off the cliffhanger, but the story itself actually isn’t that good and the character motivations seem kind of stupid. The main character also seems kind of like a Mary Sue where like she is just special by some huge coincidence of fate and it’s kind of annoying. Like the beginning part was alright, and then it took a sharp turn when the first guy she was into that rejected her decided for some stupid reason to challenge her new guy who accepted her and then when he claimed to not concede a fight to the death, he went absolutely apeshit and somehow it traveled into dark magic. Idek. Plus like...almost all the stories on that app for some reason have to do with wolf people and packs? Like it’s obviously some kind of trend inspired from Jacob and Twilight and I don’t even like that series. And in addition to that, it’s like on par with the famously former Twilight fanfiction 50 Shades where it has some really uncomfortable unhealthy depictions of BDSM relationships. Like it’s just kind of thrown in there for no reason...? Like whatever floats your boat, but you can totally write it in there in a more sensible way and not just like throw it in randomly. In that sense, maybe it’s actually worse than 50 Shades. Seriously a lot of the stories on there read like horribly written fanfiction by a 12 year old. I was 12 once and my stories then were no better because I had too many ideas and wanted them all in. That’s how much of a mess those stories are. This one I just mentioned is the better one. There’s another one I started reading that’s much worse that’s like a high school drama that I barely remember the story too, but I remember the person putting in a whole ton of One Direction lyrics, which I think is going to get the person and the app sued because lyrics are copyrighted and the writer shamelessly pointed out they are a Directioner and to unlock new chapters you need certain items that you can earn or buy and basically they’re definitely making money off of it.

But then similar to how I found this app, I found another app that had Chinese romance novels translated into English in the same way I found the previously mentioned app through a Facebook ad, which is cool cuz I don’t often get to read literally anything with main characters that are Chinese let alone Asian. Most of the Asian protagonist media I consume is from Japan and I just gave up on looking up anything in Chinese cuz I honestly didn’t know I could find any in English.

But damn, the quality of writing is rather good. The translations could use some work and consistency where sometimes the translator doesn’t know common English expressions or there’s grammatical mistakes in newer chapters or sometimes I think they’re speed translating too fast and accidentally mix up characters. But the story itself is top notch and suspenseful. I’ve been reading non-stop for the last week and a half and caught up and am awaiting new chapters. Sometimes there’s bits where character decisions are a little frustrating or like some of the plot twists are like again or like how come this person can’t catch a break, but I got invested in the story so quick.

There’s two in particular I’m enjoying right now. One is Irresistible Romance and the other is Thorny First Marriage on Bravonovel. It’s actually a bit pricey to charge for diamonds and pearls to continue the story, but I felt like it was worth it because I did want to read more and didn’t regret it. I actually started a third today just because I ran out of chapters in those two. Both are similar in that the male lead that the female protagonist is with or trying to get with is like a rich Chinese business man that is so well-known for their business acumen and power via their company that they can strike fear into the hearts of other people and companies. So there’s like some intrigue and like really fascinating maneuvers and media manipulation.

In Irresistible Romance, the main character is an actress that had a really shitty relationship with the loser President of her management company who was cheating on her with another actress and he had convinced his fiancee (the main character) to basically give up her life for him and help him to push the actress that he was ultimately having an affair with. The main character, Yan Wen, gives up the final straw when like he ditches her at the Marriage Registration Office for some lame excuse where he’s with his mistress and by chance the rich guy in this story shows up at the Registration Office and gets stood up by his own prospective fiancee although for him it was a random girl he picked from a pile just to satisfy his family getting on his case about not finding a wife. So basically because the main character grows a spine and decides fuck her fiance she’s not going to just take his bullshit, she asks the rich guy, Jiang Sui-an, if he’d mind marrying her. He totally accepts though and they get married on the spot. He seems at first to be kind of a cold-hearted jerk, but he’s actually super cool. Like he marries Yan Wen just to get his family off his back, but then after he does some research into his wife and finds her super interesting and as she begins her journey of trying to take back her life from her ex-fiancee and his stuck up bitch mistress, he like finds out and helps from the shadows and like realizes she’s actually super cool too. And then like through the whole process they actually fall for each other and are super sweet and have each other’s backs. They have a really beautiful and healthy relationship where they can each have their own separate lives and do their thing, but they get supported and help when needed.

It was so refreshing cuz like the rich CEO thing was like a huge fetish for sure especially after 50 Shades, but like a lot of people noted, that relationship was hella unhealthy. This story though, Sui-an lets Wen take her time fixing her career and life in her own way and like postpones announcing their marriage so she can set things right herself. He totally supports her space and her own decisions, but if he ever sees that she needs an extra boost or gets backed into a corner by some unexpected thing, he steps up and lends a hand. But ultimately he leaves everything up to her decision. And like on her end too, she’s totally a really good supportive wife and tries to make sure she doesn’t worry him too much and that he gets plenty of sleep and eats regularly, and she even tries to help him where she can with his work. They are so cute together. Along the way a lot of other people try to defame Wen or pull some shady entertainment world tactics, but she stays poised and lets the truth come out on its own or even does some defensive research and stuff. It’s so good.

Plus, writing-wise it’s really fascinating how they intertwine the online commentary tabloid headlines into the story so you can see different angles. And then when they write the antagonists’ sides they give you their internal dialog POV so you can understand the situation the best. The actual story and plot development is so good.

Then Thorny First Marriage, holy shit the intrigue. Plus for the most part, the main character is most like my personality only I’m not a former journalist. It’s just a lot of her reactions and sassy thoughts to things are really similar to me and how I feel like I would react if I was in her position. There’s a few times where she does things that I don’t think I would necessarily do or I would do things a bit more drastically, but so good and I identify with her. Writing-wise I don’t think it’s as good as Irresistible Romance because there’s been two times where they kind of forgot about something that they mentioned in an earlier chapter, so they have some issues keeping track of their plot twists, and there’s a few times where I’m reading like, “Why don’t you just tell them what happened and then they’d STFU?”

But yeah, this story starts out with the main character, Xia Zhi, waking up in the presidential suite of a hotel and not knowing how she got there and distinctly feeling like she was raped and finding some...remnants on the bed next to her. As the plot develops you find out that her asshole husband, who had never touched her himself for some reason and has the spine of jellyfish, sold her to some rich guy for 2 million bucks (she finds out later). What the actual hell? What kind of husband pimps his wife to another man?! And like she gets a pregnancy test later and somehow someone blabs to her mother-in-law and her mother-in-law totally doesn’t believe her and she knows that her son and her were never intimate, so she throws her out of the house. Then some dude that’s like some kind of secretary or assistant just comes by all stalker-like that appears to be from some rich guy that knows her and basically coerces her into going with them and going to some mystery safe house mansion. She’ll be cared for there by two staff, but she also tries to escape and find out who tf this guy is and if he’s the Dad. She still has a job and goes to work as a journalist, but gets assigned to interview some rich VP of a famous company. All the while she’s trying to get a hold of her asshole husband to find out what the hell happened to her that night she didn’t remember where she got super frickin’ drunk at his company party. This dick has been in hiding and trying to avoid her for some reason since that night and he finally calls back in the middle of her interview and because she’s freaking out about her unexplained pregnancy she unprofessionally takes the call. The rich VP, Sang Qi, ends up calling her boss and getting her fired, which I mean, obviously. That’s a thing where I probably wouldn’t have taken the call. One of the differentiating things between her and me. But how she reacts to being fired, yeah, that’s totally me. She runs into Sang Qi later at a rich people shopping mall shop and somehow manages to steal his phone and starts a plotline where she tries to use it as leverage to like get back at him and make a living for herself that also involves him being crafty and like kind of tricking her into some situations like confronting her ex-husband. And then like at some point she remembers a custom cufflink she remembered finding in the room she woke up in that one time and starts to wonder and suspect if maybe Sang Qi was the guy cuz he does have those kinds of things. And she like looks at the cufflink she has that she took from the room as evidence, but she has to do a direct comparison. He like uses GPS to find her mansion prison and tries to take back his phone and Zhi gets like even more suspicious that he is the guy cuz for some reason he knows how the balcony door at the place works even though it has a weird af lock, and they have witty banter and somehow he ends up staying over and she tries to sneak in his room at night to check out his cufflink but he catches her. And like hot damn, so much intrigue. After like a ton of frustration with trying to interrogate everyone around her about who the baby Daddy is she’s just like f it, I’m not going to be your baby incubator and tries to go get an abortion (I would’ve gone way sooner) and before they can start the procedure Sang Qi shows up and claims to be the Dad, and then afterward also takes care of her because she’s allergic to anesthetic. Since she knows who now they like stay together and stuff and she tries to question him about that night, but he actually has no memory of it either cuz he was super frickin’ drunk too. It’s just a lot of unanswered questions. And like since he’s supposedly the Dad, he tries to get closer to her, but she won’t let him really. There’s a lot of witty banter between them and like he even helps her out with her loser husband by getting him demoted. Over time they actually become fond of each other and like used to each other, and it’s really sweet. He actually is there for her and helps her on a number of occasions even though she doesn’t really trust him cuz of course he bought her right? But then little by little you see them really start to like each other and it seems like he might be more interested whereas Zhi is like more reserved because he’s her captor as far as she knows. But then just when you think that maybe they’ll get together, Qi disappears and then the process of him showing up you find out who the actual Dad is and a whole lot of family drama, and other drama where like you actually don’t know where Qi stands, and it like isn’t until like where I am that you find out he was actually upright the whole time. It’s so stressful but it’s so good.

There was a couple of times earlier one where there’s misunderstandings with other people, where I was like, dude, just tell the people your asshole husband sold you for money. I think they’d be more understanding of your situation if they knew.

And then like...for me, I like Qi and I came around to him after awhile, but like I suspected him and didn’t like him toward the beginning especially because he didn’t do or say anything that made him seem trustworthy. He never really lies except for one thing (about being the father), but also he like isn’t that truthful either, or rather, he doesn’t stop to actually explain himself properly which would have made Zhi not like freak out or mistrust him and would have made me not mistrust him. Like I shared a lot of Zhi’s fears because she was in an unfamiliar situation and being manipulated like a puppet by someone with money, and this guy claims to be the one that bought her like an object to be a baby incubator. I and the main character can’t respect that no matter how nice he is. If he admit he didn’t do it at the beginning it would have made all the difference. It’s a trek to find out who though. And at first even that guy sounds disgusting, but like where I am in the story maybe not? Like almost sympathetic.

The only one that I like really hate and disgusts me is her original husband. Like eww. He’s such a greedy asshole. And like later on you find out that actually he lied to her about how much he sold her for and it was actually more. What the actual fuck?! It wasn’t bad enough that you sold your wife for money, but you had to lie to her too about how much it was so you can hide the money from her? And for such a long frickin’ time he tried to coax her to come back and to not divorce him. What the actual hell? What kind of delusion is he living in?! But like also her original husband reminds me of someone I knew in real life when I was in uni. He was a friend of mine initially, but at some point he started making really uncomfortable jokes and it seemed like he liked me or something. I never viewed him that way, but we just hung out. And then at my uni because there was a huge rush to like try to figure out 2nd year housing, we arranged to do a co-ed roommate situation where like me and another girl and him and his friend would stay in apartment from our second year. To me that seemed normal cuz other friends of mine did that too because there’s only so many people you know and you have to try to snatch up and apply for apartments as soon as possible. There were long wait lines and I actually hadn’t thought about it until the last minute, so I didn’t see it as having much of a choice. But he started making cracks and fantasizing about neighbors and people misunderstanding and thinking we were married, which I didn’t find funny and how and why when there were other people we were living with too? It made me super uncomfortable and during the summer he was kind of like a stalker and tracking where I went so I just started avoiding him every chance I could. After awhile thinking about him made me feel physically ill. The next year after that my roommate decided to move out with two other girls into a different apartment (after unsuccessfully trying to make him leave). But the whole thing with how Zhi’s first husband was written totally reminded me of that guy. Especially with the lame excuses when confronted and stuff and not thinking and his unhealthy tie to his parents’ way of living.

That said, finding these stories are kind of like an unexpected comfort. I wish I could find someone as supportive as Sui-an or Qi. Especially when the men I’ve met in my life were just as bad as some of the other male characters or arguably worse. I’ve been bullied by the guys I fell for, I’ve liked some guys that were way too moody, I’ve had guys that liked me that were not creepy too, but I just wasn’t interested in them or the timing was just wrong, I’ve given up someone I really cared for because a mutual friend of ours crossed a line and then posthumously went kind of crazy from the grief, and I’ve met guys that were really fucking stupid and didn’t know how to act appropriately in a professional situation and actually sexually harassed and retaliated against me. I’m so tired and almost 4 years into living in Japan, I’m starting to realize that because of that last one, I think I gave up on my life because of trauma. Just hurt too many times, so don’t even think about love anymore cuz why bother? It took awhile for me to even be able to become a functioning human being again after the PTSD of harassment. I was really bad and freaking out because the guy that did it was so frickin’ stupid that he like wasn’t actually responsible enough to know the things he shouldn’t do and it was freaking me the hell out that he just didn’t know when he crossed a line. So I ran away to another country and tried to rebuild some semblance of a life for myself. Now my home country is a goddamn mess and I’d be in a worse position to go home, but at the same time, although my heart has healed enough to the point that I can function as a human. I am not at all motivated to look for anyone or let myself care for someone ever again. When I was younger I had so many dreams and really wanted a family. But now I am sad to say I have resigned myself to believing that that will probably never happen because I am apparently plagued by horrible people. I haven’t met horrible people since I’ve been in Japan, but I also don’t go out and talk to anyone other than co-workers and students because I’m busy and in my free time I want to introvert. It’d be kind of nice if I was lucky and had a kind of random chance like Yan Wen cuz like, I just can’t and don’t want to put up with low quality people.

That said, I was talking with my boss and co-worker the other day and we were discussing how China’s population problem with the bachelor society so there’s a lot of men but less available women to be their wife, so I was kind of wondering if that was also kind of how come so many modern day Chinese romance novels seem to involve a rich CEO. I suppose in China right now the chance that you could marry one is greater than anywhere else in the world because of the population problem, so maybe they’re trying to promote moving there and marrying them. LOL I’d be kind of suspicious of whether or not they’d be able to be like actually good husbands for real, but I suppose there probably is some sense of desperation.

And then because I ran out of chapters to read for today because I have to wait for them to translate more, I started another one about a Bossy Ghost Husband? It’s kind of creepy at the beginning, but the ghost husband thing has been something I was kind of curious about because you can marry the dead in China. But like for real I also wondered if youkai really are real or not and if you could unknowingly marry a youkai or something too, so basically it’s right up my alley too. And then also because my life is garbage I was like seriously thinking and wondering if it would actually be so bad to be single to the people who know you around you, but married actually to a ghost and have a ghost husband to go home to? Like would that actually be bad? I suppose in that same vein, it’s not much different from WoL having a secret relationship with Emet-Selch, but yeah.

Anyway, all of this gave me a lot to think about.

[intergalacticsuperstar]

tea time

Okay I’m going to spill the tea a little here. I would like to start off with saying that I am a fan of Tom Holland. I’m also 18, about to dive into college, the work field, and I’m trying to maintain professionalism on my other social accounts. Given that, I’m a closet fan girl who only posts on Tumblr.

And thank god.

Just because I only post on Tumblr, doesn’t mean I don’t see the craziness that is the other platforms (Instagram and Twitter). I don’t know what it is... maybe I just follow the right people on tumblr or maybe just all of the people I’m going to be generalizing just flock to Instagram and Twitter.

Last note before I get started. I know probably not alllll people on Insta and Twitter are crazy Tomdaya stans, but it’s the only place I see it. And quite frankly, that’s disturbing considering those are the platforms Tom, Zendaya, and their families would be looking at. Not Tumblr.

Now, to begin...

Yesterday this video was released. Most of us have already seen it already, but just Incase you haven’t here’s a quick recap:

The interviewer asks Tom and Zendaya about what it’s like for people to want their relationship to be real in real life.

Tom says it’s annoying.

Zendaya agreed with Tom but she more is like “aye it’s gonna happen, I try not to worry about it”

Now today, I’m on Instagram on the explore page and I see a story of some Zendaya account. It’s a note, so interested what it says, I click on it. Low and behold, it’s about Tomdaya.

Because like everything on Instagram is about Tomdaya.

So this person has multiple screenshots of notes on their story detailing about how they are all upset about this video.

The first one I see is this:

Alright so let’s break this down yeah. (Under the cut because this is getting long)

Okay, well firstly, if you have to block Z from seeing your opinion about something, that should be immediate red flags.

Now, they are getting confusing. So you know that it’s not your business but you still are commenting on this and continue to force their relationship? It’s a slap in the face to you? No offense, but you kind of put yourself in this position. Lastly, I love that it’s “they have a right to whatever opinion they do because their friendship/relationship.”

What?

What?

What?

It’s not an “opinion” Tom and Z have that may be different than yours. What they say is what you get. If someone says “I’m not in a relationship with X person.” You don’t get to reply with “Hm, well in my opinion you are.”

Would you do that to people you know in real life? No? Okay, then don’t do it to Tom and Z.

Moving on...

Okay, not bad. You see that you are making them uncomfortable, and now you are going to stop. Good.

Except... wait for it.

Okay. So, you are only mad because Tom called it “annoying.” Hm... maybe should that, I don’t know, maybe, possibly, BE A SIGN THAT IT’S ANNOYING?!

“Especially considering all we deal with when it comes to the Antis”

The antis? This isn’t Peter Parker and MJ. This isn’t a fandom. There should be no “antis” because they are not characters. They are human beings.

BUT THEN

WHAT

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?

Tom and Zendaya: We are not dating

This person: Of course, they’re still dating.

WHAT?

Okay listen, if you want think they’d be cute together, cool. I get that. There’s a lot of public figures where I think, oh hey, these two people have really good chemistry. I think they would be a good couple. But unless I know FOR SURE they are dating.... I would never just be like “oh lol they are just lying nah they dating” like what?

Shall we continue?

Yes? Okay.

So, the next story on this person’s account was a screenshot from someone else’s account.

Here it is:

So I start reading this going through different emotions.

Point 1: the first part of the sentence was good, but the second part not so much. Yes keep it to yourself, but like??? Don’t post at all. Also, you guys call yourselves “crackies”? Red flag.

Point 2: You are probably right. Also probably because accounts like yours and the one before post it all over social media so not only does he have to deal with it during press, but also all the time online. Good job :)

Point 3: HOW CAN YOU DO THAT. HOW CAN YOU SAY THEY ARE STILL DATING WITHOUT ANY REMORSE. LIKE WHAT.

idek know what to think. So I click on this new users profile.

It gets worse. Their story has more about this situation.

First there’s this:

Hm, interesting. You’ve “never gotten the impression that the shipping annoys them THAT much.”

Well, what about all of the other times they denied their relationship???

“Especially as we pretty much all know that they are together”

Did you... did you ever consider... that maybe... THEY ARENT TOGETHER? BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY SAID?

“My impression has always been that they don’t care if their fans know but they hate the media.”

Um what no. Fans aren’t entitled to “know” ANYTHING. Literally nothing. And since Tom and Z have never confirmed that they are together, you don’t “know” shit.

Then there’s this:

So, let me get this straight, you think Tom was “genuinely pissed” but that doesn’t make you not believe in Tomdaya at all? Really? For real?

This is really funny now because now they are the victim. Just because you’ve been “noticed” by Tom, Z, or their friends or family doesn’t validate anything. Plus I looked through their “notices” highlight and all the posts that were getting noticed were not about Tom and Z dating lol. 

“What Tom said today and especially Jacob just flat out made us feel like we are the bad guys- and we’re not.”

Literally again, if the PEOPLE YOU ARE LITERALLY SHIPPING AND THEIR FRIENDS ARE CALLING YOU OUT ON THIS CRAP THEN YOU LITERALLY ARE THE BAD GUYS. Also, that statement totally contradicts the last one because despite your “notices” they still make public statements that they don’t like it.

Then there’s this. Like wtf?? You just said your “faves” were lying. Like maybe... you could... just back off and believe them? Strange concept I know. Also, pretty sure they were laughing because Tomdaya stans are literally crazies.

They also posted this and like??? what. Tom is “extra” because he’s trying to clear out rumors that probably damage his friendship with Z? Like this has happened with so many other celebs before. The fact that this person can just so blatantly ignore what Tom says, and say that he’s lying is mind boggling.

Lastly, I went back to the original user and this is what they had on their story:

So now, they just back tracked on literally everything they said before. It doesn’t matter what Tom or Z says, they have a fan page and they are going to post what they want even if Tom finds it annoying. Such great fans :))

Just because Z follows you, doesn’t mean anything.

I can’t. I literally can’t.

I would just like to add that the first user has 28 Thousand Followers and the second user has 55 Thousand followers. Which is just... that many people agree with what they’re posting. That’s wild to me.

Okay, I’m gonna wrap this up because this is long and I have work to do, but listen. When it comes down to it, just because two actors (human beings) are in a movie together where their characters have a romantic interest, DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET TO SHIP THE ACTORS. Think they’d be cute? Great. Keep that to yourself. It’s none of your business. The fact that some people can just refuse to listen to the very people they pretend to “love” is very very telling. Especially when those two actors/human beings have actually said that they find the shipping behavior “annoying” or are uncomfortable or have publicly announced that they are just friends.

End rant. Please feel free to add or comment

[trulymadlysydney]

I’m responding to all your notes lmao bc I have no one irl to talk about this movie with!! Also, this is so long omg I’m so sorry 😂

- I never thought about this, but it makes total sense when I think about that small flash back

- Sameee hahah I was like ohh okay

- Great question….I would think so bc how else does he afford to live? But maybe everyone pays him as part of their expenses to be apart of the victory project

- Don’t get me started!!!! Harry with her thighs over his shoulders will be burnt in my brain for the rest of my life istg

- The sex scenes DO add a lot. You know he loves her more than anything. He got them into this bc he thought she was miserable at her job working long hours day in and day out. And he knew that she could live freely and happy in victory. He truly did do it FOR her bc he loves her

- Violet is the cutest but I wonder if she knows some stuff…bc she does seem constantly terrified

- I’m thinking they have weekends free and that’s when the party happened

- Bunny’s nose!!! I didn’t even think of that until now!!!

- I didn’t catch that flashback the first time but today I went 😯

- Ngl the whole thing with Margaret’s son does kind of confuse me…idk

- I noticed that trolley sign the first time and I was like hmmmm

- Blue thing in the sky?? What did I miss??

- The hallway photos!! I love!! They may be a mix of before and after. I noticed at least one looked like he had a mustache

- I need more info on the victory project STAT !!

- I didn’t notice the rings, but I did notice her rubbing her eyes and I didn’t catch that the first time

- No listen!! The whole British thing confused me at first! I was like why is he and Shelley the only ones out in Palm Springs?? And then the end made it all make sense

- The doctor makes me so uneasy. I know he built victory with frank but HOW did he get into this??

- I bet frank is telling him about Alice going to HQ

- Honestly Shelley (Gemma) was amazing in this role

- Dita 😂 honestly watching Harry watch her was so hot

- I feel like he got promoted just bc of Alice and he’s the main girls husband. Just to add drama. I guess we’ll never really know if he did something

- He’s soooo being controlled!! The way frank is acting and the things he’s saying. I didn’t notice this the first time either. But today I was like oh shit. How is this happening??

- I’ve been wondering what that coffee pour could mean…

- Either franks has eyes and ears everywhere. Or he and bunny were in Kahoots. Which would make sense. He keeps her and her children safe and she gives him intel from the women

- GOOD GIRL I DIED!!! I was thinking the same thing about the carrot. Like this is familiar

- Wait how did I not catch frank saying that at the table??

- The flashbacks and how they are so quickly put in are so good and it’s like you blink and you miss them

- Ohh I didn’t think of that…I was just thinking bc it was so common to drink. But that makes so much more sense

- Also a good question lol

- Omg I’ve never seen this tik tok girl but violet is so sweet and must be protected at all costs!!!

- STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I AM ACTUALLY DECEASED. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!! AKAKDBNENW

- This is the part that’s so fucking weird to me!! They don’t even know each other!!!! But are best friends in the simulation

- I didn’t see that interview but I caught that today and was wondering why

- This whole part kind of went over my head the first time. But today it all made sense to me. And I actually do really feel for him. He was in such a bad place. He just wanted Alice to have a good life. While he still had to live that shitty life from like 9-5 every day. He really does love her….

- Violets husband (Ben??) is very …. idek the word lmao kinda like jumpy or like puppy-esque

- The end of this movie has me at the edge of my seat!!! Even the second time and I know what happens lmao I wonder if the explosions fuck up the guys at home simulators

- Yeah the men and nurses are interesting. How did they get there?? And I noticed today the janitors at Alice’s hospital were wearing the red!!

- So I go back and forth. Part of me thinks she did actually kill him. And him “coming back” right at the end asking her to stay with him. But then she doesn’t and it shows clips of her dancing alone irl. That makes me think she got out and is living her normal life again ALONE. But also, if he did die irl, how did she get out of the bed where she was chained and connected?? Idk…

OMG I love you for responding to all of my notes dlkjafl;ksj I'm not gonna reply to every single one of these but I'll touch on a few of them.

I've noticed the blue circle in the sky every time I've watched it BUT last night I came to the conclusion that it may just be the sun dlfakjsdl;fj idk yet

Frank is for sure controlling Jack's dancing and I hate it lkd;fasd

I do think Bunny and Frank are... not working together necessarily but I think they have a mutual understanding.

I also go back and forth about her killing him. I just don't know. The clips of her dancing irl are shown throughout the movie (kind of blink-and-you-miss-it) but Jack is dancing with her. So at the very end, those dancing clips are also flashbacks. BUT YEAH, I do wonder how tf she got out of the bed in the real world daklf;skj

[habibialkaysani]

@sophiainspace replied to your post “reasons to stay clean:”

I feel this x

*queer high-fives* <3

@sophiainspace replied to your post “so it took me forever and a half but I think I finished the black...”

I can't wait, and I bet it's way better than you think <3

thank you. honestly I’m still sitting on it bc I can’t stand to look at it lmao but I’ll see if I can post it tonight or tomorrow maybe :)

@sophiainspace replied to your post “yo so like this is nothing urgent but if any mutuals are around for me...”

aww sorry I wasn't around - hope you found some good ppl xx

I did :) I complained to keele who was v sympathetic and that helped a lot.

@tumblingdownthefeels replied to your photoset “black siren according to tumblr”

lol, I'm "murder me pls"

friend, aren’t we all with black siren? like that woman could kill me and I’d thank her tbh

@redheadhere replied to your post “god my mood has been all over the place today and I just got yet...”

Hey friend. Don't be too discouraged. I, like you, hate rejecrion so, so much. But its going to happen. It happens to everyone. However, I can give you some tips for going forward. If you get an interview, send a thank you email right away! Proper tips for this can be found in the pilot episode of the podcast Shmanners or with an easy Google. It's shown that extra consideration is given to candidates who are polite and follow this random, rather hidden, rule.

Second, have someone look at and proof your resume and cover letter. Many places like libraries and college campuses have free "resume cafes", and can really help to set you apart. Heck, even finding someone from Tumblr to help would work.

Third, if you can, cater your resume and cover letter to the job you want. Don't ve general! Look up cover letter examples and templates so you know what people are looking for. And brag about yourself! So, so much bragging. It's uncomfortable, yes, but very necessary. It took me a long time to be able to do it, but it helps! 

Sorry if this was way out of line, or if you knew all of this. I genuinely want to see you succeed! If you have any questions or need more tips, hit me up. I know theres a great job out there for you! ❤

hey there! sorry I took a couple days getting back to you on this - life has been a bit hectic and also I haven’t been able to sit at my computer with a decent internet connection for more than like fifteen minutes tops, lol. 

thanks so much for these tips. I did actually learn a lot of job etiquette from tumblr as far as thank you emails etc are concerned because no one told me that at university. 

I’ve wanted to ask someone to look over my cv/cover letter but honestly I’m not sure who would want to? I am one of those super paranoid anxious people who finds it really hard to ask for help when it comes to literally anything. ask any of my friends who have been for coffee or dinner with me - I always am super reluctant to ask wait staff etc for anything even if they wouldn’t have minded because - tbh idek why. I just. find it v hard. and I could always show family but like sometimes I mention my creative endeavours in my cover letter/cv and that includes writing about me commenting on the lack of diversity as far as lgbtqia people are concerned, and since I’m not out to anyone except one person I just don’t want to risk anything by showing them something that could give me away. I’ve never heard of a resume cafe - maybe they’re more popular over the pond, but also since I’ve left university and I went to one in a different city I’m not really going to be able to use one of those. but I’m gonna see if any of my friends can do it. sometimes the hardest thing for me to do is to ask for help but I think I need it at this point. so thanks for that tip.

I learned all about tailoring my cover letter to the company I’m applying for and the job description when at university, but it’s always so tiring. *sigh* like I’ll do it but it takes a lot out of me? so yeah. again, I’m familiar with that advice but I think I needed to hear it again bc maybe I underestimated how important it is.

and you’re totally fine! thank you very much for taking the time to give me this advice. I really appreciate it. you have a wonderful day <3

[omgokiguess]

so i just went to walgreens to get cigs and my fave lady was working and she changed her hair to orange and i was like omg i love your hair!!! and she was like girl it looks terrible the humidity was so bad today and i was like omg don’t even talk to me about it but the color looks so good! and she was like thanks so i was dead ass smiling my ass off and i walk out of walgreens and some homeless dude is like help the homeless tonight? and i’m like no sorry and as i’m walking away he’s like “put a smile on that pretty face!” and in my head i’m like.... there was a fucking smile on my face cause the walgreens lady made me fucking happy like what they’re still gonna say it even when i’m smiling!?!?!

and then i was like man if i go away this summer i have to get that walgreens lady a gift card or something cause she seriously is so nice to me. i mean she knows me because i buy a bottle of alcohol or cigarettes like every single day but she’d probably know me anyway cause i buy all my shit from walgreens and she’s just really nice. i’m already thinking like what gift card would she like the most like starbucks? like maybe barnes and noble? like i’m not even necessarily going yet but that would just be a nice thing for me to do if i do go. like i’m sure it’s probably weird/maybe even sad seeing me come in every night buying vodka and cigs or wine and cigs or whatever the fuck i’m feeling that night and she’s always the sweetest and makes me laugh. and she’s working all the time i think she works 12 hours. and i know she has a daughter i’ve heard her mention her daughter a few times. it would just be nice and it would make me feel good to get her something. and then i could tell her like hey i’m not vanishing i’m just going away for the summer but i’ll be back. idk. she def likes me idek

also tho like if i do get this fellowship i’m gonna have to figure some shit out like....... really fast. cause like i think they’ll let me know by May 14 and the program starts June 18. so like really that’s no time to get through finals and figure out how i’m getting where i’m going and where i’m living. and getting my dad to accept sudden changes is never easy. and my mom too. cause my mom feels like i’m here for only my masters which is like about to be over half way done and it’s gonna shake her up that some of that time i’m not gonna be in chi. so like i’m gonna have to go all military on them and just tell them what i’m doing and make them deal with it. but i have to do it if i get it, even if it means paying the tuition (at this point it’s unclear if i have to pay the tuition or not). because it’ll raise my salary 30k at least and the tuition is half of 30k, and i get half the tuition back if i get hired by one of the sponsors. not that i’m really worried about that. actually i’d rather pay for it than be trapped into working for someone i don’t want to work for. cause after this my base salary really will be 150k which is insane.

i really shouldn’t be acting so cocky like as if i already have it but my project is so good and they’re accepting over half of the people who made it this far so like i really think i do have it. plus there’s honestly probably 1-2 other white girls that made it this far realistically so they kind of don’t have a choice but to take me i think. the founder has written multiple articles on blind hiring, like covering up the name and demographic on the resume, but i don’t think he actually does that. i think he wants to bring in minorities. and as a white woman i’m a way bigger minority than asian women. as if _woman_ wasn’t enough. and since my project is legitimate and my communication skills are spot on i think i do have it.

also i think a big part of making it through the interview is honestly just having no technical difficulties. cause it’s a video chat and OF COURSE they aren’t using skype, they’re using gotomeeting. which i have used a bunch and basically every single time i’ve used it somebody has had technical issues. so i think they’re kind of seeing who def doesn’t care because if you don’t check for tech issues ahead of time it’s really easy to have issues with gotomeeting. and in one sentence on one random page it says to use a headset and i’m sure some people didn’t catch that. and idk why but i get the vibe that they’re going on that kind of shit. like i think mostly up till now they were picking qualified applicants based off our resumes/recs/coding and now it’s like pretty much just how much we care. which like CLEARLY i care a lot. like i’m really pretty confident i have this which is honestly unbelievable. when i applied i literally was like “i just wanna feel like i’m trying and applying to stuff” lol but i never thought i’d get it

[andthebubbles]

okay i have way too many THOUGHTS in my head so i’m gonna try get some out so everyone can settle down and stop rattling around up there!!

- first of all SEB. when i take a moment to actually think for myself, it’s not sad at all, esp after seeing the video interviews from today. the seb tracked tag is filled with lots of people being sad though, which also makes sense, but i guess i am absorbing some of those emotions until i remember to take a step back

- i’m still PROCESSING. i also have some unrelated thoughts which are just. clashing. everywhere

- i’m looking for an angle on this whole retirement thing because duh i wanna write a fic. (kind of like, outletting.) and it should obviously be simi skjfngkg but yeah, since idek yet what i really feel about it, i’m sorta just waitingggg until it becomes clear

on non-seb!retirement-related matters:

- the past couple of days i was thinking of a crackfic where seb and fernando are teammates and at first their team is a bit shit/in the midfield, but with their combined detail-oriented-and-good-feedback!powers, they improve the car until it’s a frontrunner. and then i realised that if seb and fernando were ever teammates it’d be the closest we’d get to martian.2 imo. i mean am i right or AM I RIGHT (i can just SEE some on-track clash and bastard seb rips off his helmet and makes the twirly crazy sign and fernando stalks back to the pits and starts badmouthing seb in the media)

on non-f1-related matters:

- i don’t think i’ll be getting any writing done tonight OR any work, which is suchhh a problem because i’m supposeddddddddddd to finish something by the end of this month and it is Not Being Worked On Atm

- also my supervisor/boss wants me to apply for the part-time version of my job, and applications close on aug 2, andddd... like, yeah, i’m gonna apply, but i don’t even like this job anymore, but i also want money (so i can upgrade my car!). if it weren’t for covid though, i’d have tried to get a job driving buses so that i can get experience with the HR licence and then make the shift to driving trucks. however, yeah... i guess i’ll try get the part-time job which won’t involve seeing strangers as much as you would do when driving a bus, and it ends at the end of 2023 anyway, so maybe after that i’ll go for the buses... i dunno...

-

(tbc maybeee, i’ve missed loadsss of whatever else i’ve been thinking about tonight)

[head-and-heart]

Hi! Today after the trailer picture of Spacekru was released, I was talking to Kat (@tracylorde) and she told me some of her predictions on who she thinks is going to die this season. Do you have any speculations? (you might have already answered this before but I'm not sure)

Without the trailer it’s difficult to predict these things but I do have a few!

First, I think that it’s pretty likely we might be saying goodbye to Jaha this season. To be honest, mostly just because Isaiah Washington is no longer a regular, it highly suggests that his role this season will be reasonably less than it has been in the past.

Also, I hate to say this, but it’s been a pretty common trend for The 100 that major character deaths have been pretty heavily hinted at by actors on social media in the past (namely, Devon and Ricky) and also anticipated by fans due to other TV show commitments (Alycia on FTWD and Ricky on American Gods). Basically where I’m going with this is that Isaiah has posted a couple of ??? tweets that seem to suggest Jaha’s death.

For instance, he tweeted this very early in filming (I think episode 2 or 3?):

It really seems to suggest that he wrapped filming extremely early this year and is doing some other project. It’s possible that he was in LA for some other reason and will return to filming later, but I haven’t seen any other tweets from anyone on the cast/crew or any photo’s to suggest that Isaiah has been back on set after this point. 

He’s also tweeted some stuff where he’s like #JahaOut that I can’t find, and some weird shit about how “they never appreciated you” AND IDEK MAN. It just really feels like Jaha could possibly die very early in the season.

Anyway.

My second prediction (with less certainty than my first) is Octavia. 

It’s not entirely due to the new episode title “Sic Semper Tyrannus” but it does seem to, at the very least, suggest that Octavia (who we have many reasons to believe may have become a tyrant based on character teasers at SDCC, etc) will be facing some serious issues in regards to maintaining her power. Which may or may not result in her death.

I mean, the writers haven’t exactly been subtle about character deaths with titles in the past. They called the episode Finn died in “Spacewalker”, and the episode right after “Remember Me”. And the episode Jasper died in was predicted by MANY way before it aired because it was called “The Other Side”. I mean - fuck. Even Wells died in an episode called “Earth Kills” right after an episode called “Earth Skills” where we learned that he aced that class.

Of course, it could be referring to someone other than Octavia. But 5x09 feels a little early for an Eligius leader to be killed off in, don’t you think? And I can’t think of any other major leaders (or “tyrants”) on the show that the title could be about. 

Some people have argued that the show can’t kill off Octavia because she represents the unification between the Sky People and the Grounders which - sure - that is true. But we have a new character this season who can pretty easily represent the exact same thing (as I’ve seen some people discussing), and her name is Madi.

And, interestingly enough, Madi is perhaps the only person who could possibly stand in the way of Octavia’s claim to her leadership of the Grounders, since the only reason Octavia has that in the first place is because there were no willing nightbloods to lead instead.

Except … Madi’s a natural-born nightblood.

(Ohhhhhh so THAT’S why this character exists. It All Makes Sense Now.)

I should probably take a quick moment to point out that this is all speculation right now and it’s just a THEORY. But for every theory I have, there has to be about fifty others that disprove it. So maybe Octavia dies and maybe she lives on. There’s certainly evidence to suggest the story goes in either direction. 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Octavia’s livelihood on this show is a direct result of whether the writers choose to follow through with a redemption arc similar to Bellamy and Clarke’s versus choosing to follow a continuous downward spiral that ends with her ultimate self-destruction in a more Finn-like manner. 

We know that Octavia is going to be faced with some difficult decisions this season; we know she’s done some things that Bellamy supposedly won’t agree with, and that she’s made questionable decisions over the past six years. But the question is: has she learned from her mistakes of previous seasons, or will the darkness ultimately consume her in the end and lead to her downfall?

I’m interested to find out what happens with that.

In a bit of a contradiction to my last point about Octavia, I also have wondered on a few occasions about Madi’s chances of surviving this season. I know that there’s a rule on the network about killing children on screen, but this show has worked around it before (with Aden and the other nightbloods, as well as with the children in Mount Weather), and there have been a few things (off-screen) that seem to suggest Lola Flanery might not be sticking around for another season.

First of all, Jason talked about how working with kids is “a pain” in an interview early in the hiatus when asked about a possible space baby, which seems to suggest that it isn’t something he wants to take on long-term. A second issue with child actors is that they … well, grow. And Lola Flanery is right at the age where that could potentially pose an issue going into the next season(s) if they don’t want to do another big time jump.

Lola is also on Shadowhunters and does various other projects which could potentially inhibit her ability to become a larger part of the show (as her relationship to Clarke seems to suggest she’d HAVE to, if she were to remain on the show), especially since she is not a regular and can essentially leave the show at any point she wants. 

I also found it a bit of an interesting point to note that Imogen Tear (the first actress for Madi) evidently had not signed onto a long-term contract with the show because - if she had - she would not have been able to leave the show so easily (resulting in them replacing her with a new actress). It makes me wonder about what the writers long-term plans are for Madi, or if they even have any.

Now, this doesn’t all mean that Madi will DIE, necessarily. But I just have a feeling that something is going to happen near the end of the season that will significantly decrease her role in the story. What this may be, I DON’T KNOW! It could be her dying, it could be her reuniting with her parents, or Clarke being forced to let her go off somewhere for whatever reason, or - if the previous theory about Octavia is correct - it could be her going of with Gaia or someone to prepare her to become the next commander when she is older. Or something else entirely.

Whatever the case, I do wonder about Madi, because a lot of factors seem to suggest that she might not stick around to be a major character beyond Season 5. It’s difficult to predict what they will do with her, though, if they don’t kill her off (which I’d really rather they didn’t!). 

Anyway, those are pretty much it for my death predictions (in order of most likely to least likely). Up until we get some more information, this is all I’ve got! I’m interested to hear other people’s thoughts, though.

EDIT: I also think it is possible that Echo might die, but not necessarily the most likely outcome for her. If the writers choose to make her go out in an honorable way, cementing her evolution from being an antagonist on the show to one of our heroes, its possible they could put her through a redemption arc and try to make us love her, just to have her sacrifice herself in the end. I could see her possibly doing this for Bellamy (ever the loyal knight to her “king”) or one of the others on the space squad. After all, Roan died the season he was made a regular too.

That being said, it’s equally as likely that Echo will survive and become an even more significant character than she will be in Season 5, in later seasons! Which is also okay. I’m going to withhold judgement for a bit longer, but she is one character that, like Octavia, could possible follow two separate paths depending on what kind of character arc the writers are aiming for. 

[nfly5]

thanks a lot!! 🥺💝 i will most Definitely rest as soon as i can (''': HEHE high five! thanks for the recs btw, will definitely listen when i can (probs this weekend) and tell you abt them!💚 also PHEW what an experience! i'm glad you had fun at that live ;w; and saw jp's abs HAHA (': i know :^( it is really sad sigh, like obviously it takes time but... ah... it is frustrating still... ooooh no :-(( i'm so sorry you couldn't make it :-(( hopefully next time!! next europe tour or if perhaps (1/?)

you can go to sk…!! fingers crossed 🤞🏻aaah as for me i don’t go to concerts, ironically i can’t stand loud noises – they give me migraines. was tempted to go to their narcissus tour since they came to my country but,, i just figured it’d be too much for me and didn’t go 😊 which concerts have you gone to, if i may ask? 😇💝

No worries at all :) I can’t wait for the holidays either xD and yay I hope you enjoy them, definitely let me know your opinion! Oh my god honestly I spent all my lifetime’s luck at Jay’s concert because we bought the cheapest general standing and the concert sold out in 1 minute! But on the day we were standing right at the back :(( It was very daunting because there were a lot of big grown men, everyone was pushing it was very uncomfortable tbh but by the time Hoody started her opening performance the security guards just let a lot of us go forward and my friend just grabbed my hand and RAN towards the stage we literally ended up right at the front somehow omg.. it was all amazing after then LOL

Aww bless you I totally get what you mean :( it’s a horrible feeling but I’m glad you’re making healthy decisions for yourself! Ohh imagine going to a concert in SK I wish I could afford something like that in the future hopefully ahaha..

In terms of concerts my first “unpaid” concert was actually in the summer of 2015, we saw f(x) at the London Korean Festival omg it was a blessing I still can’t believe it was free lol. Then in October 2015 I saw One Ok Rock, they’re one of my favourite bands and it was amazing to have them as my first actual concert! I also saw B.A.P in summer 2016 and had a VIP ticket so I legit high fived my ultimate group and told Bang Yongguk I loved him I literally tear up thinking about it :’)))) I had an exam on that day and came late to the hall so I was quite at the back in the crowd but it was so worth it!! After that it was Jay’s concert in February 2018 but I haven’t been to a concert since then due to my Masters. This literally reminds me SuperM just announced their London concert today I was shaking so badly I want to gooooo!!! My friend is totally on board so hopefully ticket prices and sale date/time all works out idek though we’ve had such bad luck with concerts the past 2 years lmao 

And sorry for replying late!!! I had my interview today! I would like to say it went really well but I also don’t want to get my hopes to high, lets see.. 

[homosexualhufflepuff]

i was tagged by @cuddlyjongin literally like a year ago maybe?? found this in my drafts and i was like ok sounds like fun

1. LAST TEXT SENT: I texted my boss that i won’t be going on vacation with my family this summer hahah 2. LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: umm thats so hard but like yellow, grey and blue idk?? 3. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: ten am i think 4.WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT: driving home after hanging out with friends :’’) 5. NAME SOMETHING YOU CANT WAIT FOR: hmmm i guess living alone and hopefully being able to work as a musician if that works out 6. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOTHER: about three hours ago when she came to my room to say goodnight aaaa luv u mum<33 7. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE: ooh thats tough, no idea tbh??? life is pretty good atm 8. WHATS GETTING ON YOUR NERVS RN: the slight headache im starting to get :((/(/ 9. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: ?¿?¿+? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 10. FAVORITE TV SHOW: oooh uh skam, oitnb, sense8 and steven universe were the first that came to mind 11. FIRST BEST FRIEND: hmmm probably Ami when we were like 10-12 i miss her :///( 12. LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: london grammar yass 13. 3 FEARS: the ocean, spiders and failure lmao 14. 4 TURN ON’S: cute butt, nice hair, cute laugh and being funny (this is all v generic but come on its tru) 15. 4 TURN OFF’S: being rude, disrespectful towards people, hateful towards people and mean to animals 16. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: g a y 17. MY SENIOR QUOTE IN MY YEARBOOK: that’s not a thing in sweden lol 18. FIRST THING I NOTICE IN A NEW PERSON: their smile maybe 19. SHOE SIZE: about 42 20. EYE COLOR: v dark brown 21. HAIR COLOR: (dark) blond 22. FAVORITE CLOTHING ITEM: hmmm maybe one of my soft sweaters 23. WHAT COLOR UNDERWEAR I’M WEARING RIGHT NOW: dark blue 24. ULTIMATE BIAS: 25. ULTIMATE BIAS GROUP: 26. FAVORITE SEASON: autumn i think 27. HOW MUCH TIME I SPENT ON DESIGNING MY BLOG PAGE: literally haven’t touched it in 2 years 28. THE REASON I JOINED TUMBLR: i think my friend showed me but i don't remember exactly 29. LAST BOOK I READ: currently reading “goodnight mister tom” it’s probably my favourite book (apart from hp) 30. DO I EVER GET “GOOD MORNING” OR “GOODNIGHT” TEXTS?: yes but we don’t actually say good morning lol 31. WHEN DID I LAST HOLD HANDS?: this morning mmm m<32 32. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE ME TO GET READY IN THE MORNING?: like an hour?? 33. HAVE I SHAVED MY LEGS IN THE PAST 3 DAYS?: no lol 34. WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW?: my bed <3 35. DO I LIKE MUSIC LOUD OR LOW: not too loud but not actually low? 36. 3 THINGS I LOVE: music, my mum and dogs 37. HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW: tired and a lil stressed 

38. SOMETHING I REALLY, REALLY WANT: more cuddles  39. 3 THINGS THAT UPSET ME: people who are mean to animals, feeling like im not appreciated and when people don’t listen to what i have to say 40. WHAT I FIND ATTRACTIVE IN OTHER PEOPLE: woah too much to make a list, pretty eyes and lips i guess 41. 3 HABITS I HAVE: getting anxious over everything, drumming on my phone and biting my lips 42. SOMETHING I FANTASIZE ABOUT: life :) 43. MY OTPs: idk ?¿ 44. SOMETHING IM TALENTED AT: doing music™ 45. THE BLOG I GIVE MOST NOTES TO: no idea 46. THE LAST PERSON THAT RE-BLOGGED FROM ME: idek 47. DO I SMOKE/DRINK?: nah not really 48. MY FAVORITE FOOD: i just really love vegetables so stuff like stir fry, curries, ratatouille <33  49. MY FAVORITE DESSERT: ice cream??? or maybe cheesecake mm 50. WHAT I DID YESTERDAY: i did an application test/interview thingy for music school aaaaaa also hung out with friends and cuddled 51. NUMBER OF KIDS I WANT: one or two 52. NUMBER OF SIBLINGS I HAVE: one asshole brother 53. SOMETHING THATS CONSTANTLY ON MY MIND: school and music 54. LAST PERSON I MESSAGED ON TUMBLR: @singlemomsforfree​ 55. CAN I DRIVE: yeh love driving  56. WHAT STATE OR PART OF THE WORLD DO I LIVE IN: sweden 57. AM I IN SCHOOL?: for like 3 more weeks oanfoiadnfodf 58. DO I GET GROSSED OUT EASILY?: depends, kind of? 59. SOMEWHERE I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT FOR A WEEK: i d e k  i want to go to so many places 60. I’LL LOVE YOU IF…: you show me photos of ur pet!!!! 61. LAST SHOW I BINGE-WATCHED: umm stranger things maybe? i don’t binge that much 62. WHAT WORDS UPSET ME THE MOST: “öh” my brother’s way of communicating with me 63. WHAT WORDS MAKE ME FEEL THE BEST ABOUT MYSELF: no idea? 64. A WISH THAT I’VE WISHED FOR REPEATEDLY ON 11:11: i don’t really do that 65. WHO I WOULD SWITCH LIVES WITH FOR A DAY: umm idk a cat maybe 66. MY FAVORITE ICE CREAM: magnum strawberry white maybe??? do u have that outside of sweden 67. ALLERGIES: im sensitive to kiwi and pineapple 68. SEXIEST PERSON TO COME TO YOUR MIND IMMEDIATELY: um idk 69. MY CHILDHOOD CARRER CHOICE: musician i think??? 70. ONE OF MY INSECURITIES: my voice 71. HOW MANY BLOGS AM I FOLLOWING: like 350 i think 72. HOW MANY TABS/DIFFERENT WINDOWS ATM: three 73. COKE OR PEPSI: neither tbh but coke if i had to choose 74. TEA OR COFFEE: tea <3 75. MOVIE OR BOOK: i love books so much ok 76. A SENSE I WOULD BE WILLING TO LOSE: i immediately thought between hearing and vision but smell feels like the least devastating lol 77. QUOTE I LIVE BY: idek 78. TYPE OF ACCESSORIES I WEAR THE MOST: i wear a belt every day lol 79. LAST AWKWARD SITUATION I FOUND MYSELF IN: i walked into the same guys twice in the grocery store yesterday 80. WHAT TIME IS IT RIGHT NOW: 01:16 fuck i need to sleep 81. A SONG THAT’S MADE ME CRY: save myself i love that song so much 82: FIRST SONG I EVER SANG AT KARAOKE: no clue

im tagging @singlemomsforfree and @adeliciousdonut !!!!

[sebastianstanaddictsanonymous]

Make Him Proud

Summary: It’s the day you’ve been waiting for your whole life, you finally had the chance to win a gold medal for your country and make your father proud…until it all goes wrong.

Word count: 1969

Pairing: Lance Tucker X Daughter!Reader

Genre: Family, suspense...idek

Warnings: Angst

Author’s Note:  It came to me before going to bed, I don’t know why. All I know is I cried writing it.

He was late, he was never late. Your father was always on time, especially on competition days. You’d gone ahead with the rest of Team USA early this morning for some extra practice before you competed for the Gold at the Olympics. Your father, the legendary Lance Tucker, and the head couch for Team USA, had a meeting before you had left and had sent you along with the team saying that he’d be there before today’s events began. So where was he? All of the other coaches were there, and they’d been in the meeting as well. Something just wasn’t right and it wasn’t just your nerves.

You watched as the assistant head coach, Carl, answered a call, the smile he had worn fading as he turned his head to look at you. He said something to whoever was on the other line before hanging up and reaching up to rub his eyes and pinch at the bridge of his nose. Your stomach dropped, something was very, very wrong. Slowly, you picked yourself up from where you’d been stretching on the mats, tuning out the cameras and the crowds around you and made your way towards him. 

“Carl,” You hesitated when you reached him, not wanting to ask the rest. “Carl, where’s my dad?” It came out as a choked sob, he could have just been delayed, but deep down inside you knew that it was more than just a delay. He looked up at you, and you saw a brief look of pity before he seemed to steel himself. “There’s…fuck I don’t want to tell you this. There’s been an accident, your dad’s car was hit by a drunk.”

At 16 years old, those words would forever be ingrained in your memory. Everything around you froze. You sank to the floor, tears making their way down your cheeks. Carl followed you down, pulling you into a hug. Vaguely you heard screams, desperate pleas of someone asking over and over if he was okay. It took only moments for you to realize it was you.

“Please, please Carl, he’s okay right? He’s going to walk in any second and yell at me for being a mess and tell me to get back to my stretches and get my ass in gear.” Somehow you knew that was not going to be the case. “Sweetheart, it’s not good. I’m sorry but it’s not. They don’t know if he’ll pull through, he’s got a lot of internal bleeding and he’s in surgery. They’re trying all the can okay? Your grandmother is there with him and is going to keep me updated.”

You barely heard anything beyond ‘it’s not good’ and ‘internal bleeding’. Your father was all you had. Your mother, one of his former athletes had left almost immediately after you were born. She wanted nothing to do with you, you’d ruined her career and any chance that she had at a gold medal. While your dad always said she was a mistake, he also always said that you were the best thing to ever happen to him as cliché as that was. Yeah, your dad could be an egotistical jerk a lot of the time, but to you he was your best friend and your own superhero. He was there when you were sick, he supported you through everything, when you wanted science instead of gymnastics briefly he was cool with it, and when you said you wanted to start gymnastics again because you missed it? He was over the moon. If he died you’d have nothing.

“Y/N, I’m going to find someone to drive you to the hospital, okay? I can’t leave the team but you need to go be there for your dad.” Carl’s voice broke through, startling you from your thoughts. Looking up at him you shook your head no and began wiping the tears away. “No, no Carl, I have to be here, I’ve worked too long and too hard for this to give up now! Dad would want me here, he worked his ass off to get me here and I can’t let him down.”

All of the early mornings, the late nights that he spent making sure that you were ready for this moment. You had a chance at gold, a chance to make him proud and as much as you wanted to be at that hospital, by his side, whether it would be to say goodbye or to hear the news that he’d be okay, you could do nothing more than wait at the hospital, here you could be doing something good and something he’d be happy about. Taking a deep breath and wiping the last of the tears away, you stood on your shaky legs before looking at Carl and nodding. “I’m staying here, I need to be here, I’d do him no good there. This is what he’d want.”

Carl nodded and stood, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Okay, Y/N, whatever you want. I’m going to call your grandmother and let her know okay? I’ll make sure she keeps us updated.” With that you were back on the mat, stretching your limbs, sniffling every so often before pulling yourself up onto the practice beam. Your team rallied around you as you all practiced your routines, you were more than a team, you were family, and they all knew what your father meant to you.

Several hours later it was time for the events to start, the Olympic organizers and the media had been alerted to your father’s accident, it was the biggest news out there right now and that meant the spotlight was on you, people wondering if you’d make it through the day without breaking down. Truthfully you didn’t know, more than once you fought back tears as you thought about the feedback he’d give you after each routine, some of it would be praise, some would be him giving you shit for a sloppy landing. God, what you’d give to hear either.

Before long, it was time for the final event, floor routines, you were currently second in the standings and these were your least favourite and the one event that Lance always had to push you for. Waiting for your turn, you just couldn’t do it and felt a panic attack coming on. You just couldn’t do it without your dad. There hadn’t been any more updates and you were so overwhelmed. Tears fell as you looked around, eyes meeting Carl’s, who within seconds had you in his arms for a hug.

“I…I can’t do this Carl, I need my dad, I can’t do this without my dad.” You cried between hiccupping breaths, you’d been so strong since this morning and now, the moment that you very well could be going home with a gold was so close but you felt like a piece of you was missing and you just couldn’t see yourself doing it without him. You were gripping at his jacket, wishing it was your father. You could feel the cameras on you, all the eyes of the crowd, finally getting the breakdown they were waiting for.

Carl pushed you back a bit and grabbed your shoulders, and looked you dead in the eyes. “You listen to me and listen good, you can and you will do this okay? You wanted to stay, you wanted to be a part of this team, you’re going to go out there and rock this!” He was stern, but there was a hint of sadness and regret at pushing you but it was time to get tough. It’s what Lance Tucker would have done. “What would your dad be saying if you broke down like this before a big event like this huh?”

Sniffling, you hesitated before taking a deep breath. “He’d tell me to knock my shit off, buck up, straighten those shoulders and get my ass out there and prove to the world that the Tuckers still got it.” Carl nodded, smiling a bit. “Exactly, so get your ass out there and do what your dad taught you! You’ve got this.”

All you could do was nod and wipe your eyes. He stood by your side, waiting with you until it was your time to do your final routine, the routine, that if you didn’t fuck it up, could potentially earn you a gold. You were the last competitor for the event, you were going to do it, if not for you then for your dad. It went by in a blur, just as your other routines had. You did the routine you had worked on and memorized, hearing every bit of criticism and advice that your dad had given to you while you’d developed it together.

“Straighten up those legs! Relax! Be nimble and be strong! Don’t show weakness,” He always had some comment and you were hoping you were doing exactly how he’d want. Your eyes were rimmed with red and puffy when you reached your final stance and you sagged with relief when it was finished. You felt yourself shaking as Carl pulled you off of the mat and into a hug. He was telling you how good you’d done and how no matter what you’d have made your father proud. 

He stood beside you, where your father should have been as the scoreboard displayed your near perfect score, putting you in first place. You sank to your knees and cried in disbelief and happiness that you’d done it, not for yourself but for him. What felt like hours later but was really minutes, you found yourself on the podium as Canada and China received their bronze and silver medals. You stood proudly when you received your gold, taking it in your hand and looking down at it before bringing it to your lips to kiss it.

When the medal ceremony was finished, you had to do at least one interview, yours would be for NBC.

“Y/N, I know it’s been a very stressful and emotional day for you today, everyone knows about your dad’s accident and how close you are, how are you feeling? What got you through today? Is there any word on how your dad is?” You knew she wasn’t trying to upset you, in fact you expected the questions. You just didn’t expect them to be all at once. Taking what seemed like your millionth deep breath today you did what you had to do.

“I…Uh, honestly we haven’t had any word on dad, I guess no news is good news right? I’m very proud of myself and of my team, and every American back home supporting us. I did this today, not for me, I did this for my dad, I really had to push through to do this and a lot of it had to do with the training he gave me. I love you dad and I really hope that I made you proud today.” The last part came out almost as a whisper, a new wave of tears threatened and Carl shooed the reported away before you broke down on camera.

As the reporter turned to sign off on her report, Carl handed you his phone. “Here kid, your grandmother wants to talk to you.” You almost refused to take it, you were scared that there would be nothing but bad news from her, but you took it anyway, preparing yourself for the worst. She wouldn’t tell you he was gone over the phone would she?

“H-Hello?” You said cautiously, not really wanting to talk at the moment. What you didn’t expect was the voice on the other end and the new wave of tears it would unleash.

 “Y/N, buck up, my little princess, I saw every minute and I am the proudest father in the world.”

[cheerstocrazy]

4/24/18

Today’s been a fantastic day and I’ve felt so happy, overjoyed, and overcome with emotion. I was able to do a full week’s of groceries at 5 stores. It made me feel accomplished, and I guess I gotta start eating healthy again. I’ll back up a little. I had my interview yday with the Irvine company and met two people. They didn’t really even ask me anything, and the second guy just talked at me for an hour. Honestly, I was like I don’t even want to work here anymore, and I want this to over. Get. me. Out. NOW. I feel like people don’t even understand the point of an interview. It’s to get to know the candidate, not for the stupid interviewer to blab endlessly and fulfill his/her fantasies. I had been floating an idea that I was going to visit Mexico/Guatemala -- it’s been incepted in my brain. I keep putting it into the universe so that I’m held accountable. I went home and started doing my research. I didn’t want to jump the gun bc I’ve been burned so many times before. Ugh!! Anyway, after I left the interview, I saw I had to do another one on Wednesday, and I was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME OMGGGG I’M SO OVER THISSSS. Late at night, the recruiter emailed me saying that it wasn’t going to be necessary, and that we would chat in the morning. I saw it as a good omen. I started to do a bunch of research. Idk Mexican geography at all!! Idek Mexico and Guatemala were touching each other. My baddddd. I hardly slept, and I checked my phone in the morning and saw an email from the recruiter: Great news. Call me when you can, the earlier the better. Yes!!!!! I was like finally fuck yes!!! I was going to have money and a job, and I wouldn’t have to apply anymore. I was so sick of applications, SO OVER IT. Also I found out last name Justice was going to be at LIB, so I was LOSING MY SHIT. Anywho, I woke up bc I could no longer sleep after the news. I was kind of plotting what I was gonna say and how I was gonna buy time to travel. I want minimum 2 weeks so I can hit both countries, and I want flex time, and to be on salary. When he asked me what the other place offered, I said currently they’re doing 50k as well and I’m trying to negotiate higher, not thinking you should’ve fucking lied and said something higher!! YA DUMBASS. I didn’t really think that far in advance bc I had already lied about the 50k part. Whatever, he said he would try for higher salary and all that jazz. Then when the LIB lineup came out, I screamed nonstop for 2 minutes. I LOST MY FUCKING MIND. THE LINEUP IS INCREDIBLE. JUSTICE!!!!!!!! ARCADE FIRE!!!!!! GALANTIS!!!!!! ST VINCENT!!! MIGUEL!!! And just a bunch of other really great people. I lost my goddamn mind. I was just on a total high all morning. Since I was finally gonna get income, I told PP to buy the Smokin’ Grooves too, which got me excited. There’s so much to look forward to!!!! I just was elated and happy Jen got her tickets too. And ugh I’M SO HAPPY ABOUT LIB. IT’S GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN. I’m so excited and I cannot wait. It was nice to grocery shop as well and have free time, knowing that it’s gonna end. I’ve been eating like shit for the past 2 months and have put on at least 5 lbs of weight that I slowly need to shed ;_; I loved today! Glad all this bs is over. Let’s just hope negotiations go my way and I can get my two weeks vaca, and book everything and bust a travel mission again. Happy to be back in my element :D