#i have an aversion to this song cause my mom loves it

[babybluebex]

no pressure at all! but if you'd want to write more stan!reader x tom I'd really love that

i literally FLEW to my computer to write this i love the concept of stan!reader so much ((also i tried second person writing here??? i actually like it a lot more than first whoops))

little one [tom holland x reader]

➽ pairing: tom holland x stan!fem!reader (y/n) ➽summary: when you find out you’re pregnant, you worry about how tom and your brother will react. ➽ word count: 1.6k ➽ warnings: angst, pregnancy, a lot of exposition that doesn’t matter tbh  ➽a/n: enjoy!! masterlist & taglist in my bio

Sebastian stood at the door to your room, just looking. It seemed like a lifetime ago that you had moved in with him, when you were just the smallest thing. Pink skirt and pigtails, toting your dolly with you. He had been young when you were born, but still an adult; he was in college, living in the dorms when his mother had called him and told him the good news. He remembered the day you were born: he had been sitting in a lecture when his little flip phone started buzzing in his pocket. It was his stepdad, your father, telling him that his sister was coming. He left the lecture early and made it to the hospital just in time to be the first person to hold you. He was instantly devoted. 

You moved in with him when you were six. His mom had told him that she needed to move back to Romania and that she planned to bring you, and panic had filled his chest. “No, no,” he said. “Sh-She just started school! She doesn’t speak the language, she’s making all kinds of friends here! Mom, you can’t relocate her, you just can’t.” 

“What else can we do?” your mother asked. “Are you going to watch her?”

A month later, Sebastian was your legal guardian. He came to school plays and parent-teacher conferences, he cleaned up your skinned knees, and he read you stories every night. The two of you had gotten into a habit of falling asleep next to each other, and it got to the point where the bed felt too empty without you. Too cold, too lonely.

When you were twelve, you and Sebastian moved into a new apartment. It was bigger and better suited for two people, and you got a big-girl room. You started sleeping in your own bed, but you had no idea the effect it had on your brother. He couldn’t sleep without you next to him, digging your heels into his back and taking up all the blankets. So, he picked his happy ass up out of bed and, making sure to bring his own blanket, came to linger in your doorway. “I… I can’t sleep without you,” he mumbled. 

“You’re a grown man, Seb,” you said; he was always amazed at the little lady you had become, a smart girl with a biting sarcasm, even when you were little. 

“Yeah, and every night for the past six years, I’ve had your feet in my back,” Sebastian said. He settled into your bed next to, and added, “Now, move over, munch, or I’ll drag you back to mine.” 

Sebastian leaned his head against the doorframe, looking at the room. The walls had once been pink but were now an off-white, more becoming of a young woman, and the band posters were replaced with art prints and collages of you with your friends. Sure, he knew everybody grew up eventually, and he liked you as an adult, but sometimes he missed the little girl who was missing her two front teeth. 

The door to the apartment slammed closed, and Sebastian unwillingly pulled himself from his daydream. “Hey, munch!” he called. “How was Tom?”

Back on Valentine's Day, when you told him about you and Tom, he was instantly thrilled. Even though he outwardly seemed like he didn’t like Tom, he knew that Tom would treat you like the princess you were. And, for the past few months, he had been. Flowers were sent to the apartment on a near-weekly basis, handwritten letters came in the mail regularly, and Sebastian often heard little giggling coming from your room when Tom would call you. He had seen you smitten over guys before, but Tom Holland was a different breed. 

After a date with Tom, you were guaranteed to be talking up a storm, but you were quiet. “Munch?” Sebastian called. “Y/N?”

There was a sniffle from the living room, and a meek, “Seb?” 

Sebastian’s heart fell, and he hurried to see you on the couch, the comfy tufted leather that Mackie had so highly praised. You were crying, your knees drawn up to your chest. “No, no, no,” Sebastian cooed and hugged you tightly. “What happened, darling, is everything okay? Did Tom say something? Did you guys… Did you guys break up?” 

You shook your head and opened your mouth, as if to speak, but a sob left instead. Your chest was so heavy, and you knew that admitting this to Sebastian-- to anyone-- would make it too real but the secret was killing you. You had known that you were pregnant for nearly a month now, but you didn’t want to tell anyone. You knew that your brother would say that you’re too young and that Tom would say that he had a career to think about. And, on a small level, you knew that was true. You couldn’t ask Tom to dismantle his life plans for you and a baby. 

“Talk to me, darling,” Sebastian whispered. “What’s wrong?” 

You sniffled and leaned into your brother’s warmth, and your tears became new. Sebastian would flip shit, you knew it. “I--” You started. “Please don’t be mad at me, please, I can’t take it right now--” 

“Hey, hey,” Sebastian said quickly. “I could never be mad at you. Please, talk to me. You’re breaking my heart here, Y/N.” 

You settled your cheek into Sebastian’s chest, and the emotions ran hot in your face and chest and belly. “Seb,” you whispered. “I… I’m pregnant.” 

A million different emotions ran through his brain at once. Elation, anger, confusion, and so much more. “You…” he started. “You’re--”

“I’m so scared, Seb,” you whispered. “W-What if Tommy wants to break up with me?” Your breaths came in quick, sharp gasps, and Sebastian held you tightly to try to ease the anxiety. He was prone to anxiety attacks like this too, and you had learned how to settle him down, but he hardly ever had to do it to you. You were so grounded, so level-headed and serious. This was the most emotionally unhinged that he had seen you in years. 

The sounds of your crying died away, and you found your ears full of deep whispers. You had learned bits and pieces of Romanian growing up-- enough to pull out as a party trick-- but could never fluently speak it like your mom and your brother could, but you recognized the sound of it. Sebastian was whispering Romanian to you in a lilting voice, and it took you a moment to place it. A song; a lullaby. Sebastian was singing you a lullaby. The sound of it eased your nerves enough to dry up your tears, and you sniffled a bit as you sat up, shedding your big brother’s protective embrace. 

“Look,” Sebastian began. “I know I act like a dick to Tom a lot, but… I really like him. I wouldn’t have let him stick around if I didn’t. I trust him to do the right thing here.” 

“B-But what if he doesn’t?” You whimpered. “Wh-What if he does leave?”

“If he leaves, it’s his own fucking loss,” Sebastian told you. “That baby doesn’t need anybody but you and me, right? I’ve got you, darling. I’ve always had you.”  

You nodded because, once again, your older brother was the wiser of you. You knew that everything he said was true, even if your whole body hadn’t quite absorbed it yet. Tom would be a great dad; and if he wasn’t, you had Sebastian. “Can you stay with me?” You asked, grabbing your brother’s hand. “I-I’m gonna call him.” 

“Sure thing, munch,” Sebastian said, and he settled his arm around your shoulders. His little sister, the same little girl that cried at Bambi and Bucky falling off the train, was going to be a mom. Where did the time go?, he wondered. 

The phone rang out quickly, and Tom answered it swiftly. “Hey,” he said. “I just dropped you off, is everything alright?” 

You took a deep breath. Your heart was beating so quickly that you could hear it in your ears, and you mumbled, “Yeah, yeah, I just… I have something to tell you.” 

“Oh,” Tom said. “Sure. What’s going on?” 

Sebastian’s gaze was fixed on you, and he gave you a prompting nod. “Tommy, I…” You started. It was real. This was real now. “I’m pregnant.” 

There was silence on the other end of the line, long and potent enough for anger to start to flare in Sebastian’s stomach. “Are you serious?” Tom whispered finally. His voice was static-y over the phone, and you couldn’t place his emotions at all. 

“I’m so sorry, Tom--”

“Sorry for what?” And then there was a laugh. “Are you really pregnant? Please don’t be kidding with me, you don’t know how happy this makes me!”

Sebastian gave a sigh of relief, and he wiped one of your tears away with his thumb. “I really am,” you told him. “You’re not mad?”

“Why the fuck would I be mad?” Tom laughed. “I’m gonna be a dad! I’m gonna be a dad, Y/N! Thank you, thank you! I love you so much, baby, you have no idea. Does Sebastian know yet?”

“Yeah,” you said. “He’s the first one I told.” 

“Oh, no,” Tom whispered. 

“Yeah, oh no,” Sebastian said. “Dating my sister’s one thing, Holland, but knocking her up is different. What, you’ve got an aversion to condoms or something? I’m gonna kill you.” 

“Hey, Sebastian,” Tom chuckled lightly. “Look, it was an accident--”

“Oh, ‘cause that makes it better?” Sebastian scoffed. “Jesus Christ, you’re lucky you’re not here right now--”

“Shut up, both of you,” you sighed. “Tommy, you swear you’re not mad?” 

“Why would I be mad?” Tom repeated. “I’m so thankful. Thank you, my love, thank you.”

[betterdaysareatoenailaway]

Random Review #3: Sleepwalkers (1992) and “Sleep Walk” (1959)

I. Sleepwalkers (1992) I couldn’t sleep last night so I started watching a trashy B-movie penned by Stephen King specifically for the screen called Sleepwalkers (1992). Simply put, the film is an unmitigated disaster. A piece of shit. But it didn’t need to be. That’s what’s so annoying about it. By 1992 King was a grizzled veteran of the silver screen, with more adaptations under his belt than any other author of his cohort. Puzo had the Godfather films (1972 and 1974, respectively), sure, but nothing else. Leonard Gardner had Fat City (1972), a movie I love, but Gardner got sucked into the Hollywood scene of cocaine and hot tub parties and never published another novel, focusing instead on screenplays for shitty TV shows like NYPD Blue. After Demon Seed (1977), a movie I have seen and disliked, nobody would touch Dean Koontz’s stuff with a ten foot pole, which is too bad because The Voice of the Night, a 1980 novel about two young pals, one of whom is a psychopath trying to convince the other to help him commit murder, would make a terrific movie. But Koontz’s adaptations have been uniformly awful. The made-for-TV film starring John C McGinley, 1997′s Intensity, is especially bad. There are exceptions, but Stephen King has been lucky enough to avoid the fate of his peers. Big name directors have tackled his work, from Stanley Kubrick to Brian De Palma. King even does a decent job of acting in Pet Semetary (1989), in his own Maximum Overdrive (1986) and in George Romero’s Creepshow (1982), where he plays a yokel named Jordy Verril who gets infected by a meteorite that causes green weeds to grow all over his body. Many have criticized King’s over-the-top performance in that flick, but for me King perfectly nails the campy and comical tone that Romero was going for. The dissolves in Creepshow literally come right off the pages of comics, so people expecting a subtle Ordinary People-style turn from King had clearly walked into the wrong theatre. Undoubtedly Creepshow succeeds at what it set out to do. I’m not sure Sleepwalkers succeeds though, unless the film’s goal was to get me to like cats even more than I already do. But I already love cats a great deal. Here’s my cat Cookie watching me edit this very blog post. 

And here’s one of my other cats, Church, named after the cat that reanimates and creeps out Louis and Ellie in Pet Sematary. Photo by @ScareAlex.

SPOILER ALERT: Do not keep reading if you plan on watching Sleepwalkers and want to find out for yourself what happens.

Stephen King saw many of his novels get adapted in the late 1970s and 80s: Carrie, The Shining, Firestarter, Christine, Cujo, and the movie that spawned the 1950s nostalgia industrial complex, Stand By Me, but Sleepwalkers was the first time he wrote a script specifically for the screen rather than adapting a novel that already existed. Maybe that’s why it’s so fucking bad. Stephen King is a novelist, gifted with a novelist’s rich imagination. He’s prone to giving backstories to even the most peripheral characters - think of Joe Chamber’s alcoholic neighbour Gary Pervier in the novel Cujo, who King follows for an unbelievable number of pages as the man stumbles drunkenly around his house spouting his catch phrase “I don’t give a shit,” drills a hole through his phone book so he can hang it from a string beside his phone, complains about his hemorrhoids getting “as big as golfballs” (I’m not joking), and just generally acts like an asshole until a rabid Cujo bounds over, rips his throat out, and he bleeds to death. In the novel Pervier’s death takes more than a few pages, but it makes for fun reading. You hate the man so fucking much that watching him die feels oddly satisfying. In the movie, though, his death occurs pretty quickly, and in a darkened hallway, so it’s hard to see what’s going on aside from Gary’s foot trembling. And Pervier’s “I don’t give a shit” makes sense when he’s drilling a hole in the phone book, not when he’s about to be savagely attacked by a rabid St Bernard. There’s just less room for back story in movies. In a medium that demands pruning and chiseling and the “less is more” dictum, King’s writing takes a marked turn for the worse. King is a prose maximalist, who freely admits to “writing to outrageous lengths” in his novels, listing It, The Stand, and The Tommyknockers as particularly egregious examples of literary logorrhea. He is not especially equipped to write concisely. This weakness is most apparent in Sleepwalkers’ dialogue, which sounds like it was supposed to be snappy and smart, like something Aaron Sorkin would write, but instead comes off like an even worse Tango & Cash, all bad jokes and shitty puns. More on those bad jokes later. First, the plot.

Sleepwalkers is about a boy named Charles and his mother Mary who travel around the United States killing and feeding off the lifeforce of various unfortunate people (if this sounds a little like The True Knot in Doctor Sleep, you’re not wrong. But self-plagiarism is not a crime). Charles and Mary are shapeshifting werewolf-type creatures called werecats, a species with its very own Wikipedia page. Wikipedia confers legitimacy dont’cha know, so lets assume werecats are real beings. According to said page, a werecat, “also written in a hyphenated form as were-cat) is an analogy to ‘werewolf’ for a feline therianthropic creature.” I’m gonna spell it with the hyphen from now on because “werecats” just looks like a typo. Okay? Okay.

Oddly enough, the were-cats in Sleepwalkers are terrified of cats. Actual cats. For the were-cats, cute kittens = kryptonite. When they see a cat or cats plural, this happens to them:

^ That is literally a scene from the movie. Charles is speeding when a cop pulls alongside him and bellows at him to pull over. Ever the rebel, Charles flips the cop the finger. But the cop has a cat named Clovis in his car, and when the cat pops up to have a look at the kid (see below), Charles shapeshifts first into a younger boy, then into whatever the fuck that is in the above screenshot.

Now, the were-cats aversion to normal cats is confusing because one would assume a were-cat to be a more evolved (or perhaps devolved?) version of the typical house kitty. The fact that these were-cats are bipedal alone suggests an advantage over our furry four-legged friends, no? Kinda like if humans were afraid of fucking gorillas. Wait...we are scared of gorillas. And chimpanzees. And all apes really. Okay, maybe the conceit of the film isn’t so silly after all. The film itself, however, is about as silly as a bad horror movie can get. When the policeman gets back to precinct and describes the incident above (”his face turned into a blur”) he is roundly ridiculed because in movies involving the supernatural nobody believes in the supernatural until it confronts them. It’s the law, sorry. Things don’t end well for the cop. Or for the guy who gets murdered when the mom stabs him with...an ear of corn. Yes, an ear of corn. Somehow, the mother is able to jam corn on the cob through a man’s body, without crushing the vegetable or turning it into yellow mash. It’s pretty amazing. Here is a sample of dialog from that scene: Cop About To Die On The Phone to Precinct: There’s blood everywhere! *STAB* Murderous Mother: No vegetables, no dessert. That is actually a line in the movie. “No vegetables, no dessert.” It’s no “let off some steam, Bennett” but it’s close. Told ya I’d get back to the bad jokes. See, Mary and Charles are new in town and therefore seeking to ingratiate themselves by killing everyone who suspects them of being weird, all while avoiding cats as best they can. At one point Charles yanks a man’s hand off and tells him to "keep [his] hands to [him]self," giving the man back his severed bloody hand. Later on Charles starts dating a girl who will gradually - and I do mean gradually - come to realize her boyfriend is not a real person but in fact a were-cat. Eventually our spunky young protagonist - Madchen Amick, who fans of Twin Peaks will recognize as Shelly - and a team of cats led by the adorable Clovis- kill the were-cat shapeshifting things and the sleepy small town (which is named Travis for some reason) goes back to normal, albeit with a slightly diminished population. For those keeping score, that’s Human/Cat Alliance 1, Shapeshifting Were-cats 0. It is clear triumph for the felis catus/people team! Unless we’re going by kill count, in which case it is closer to Human/Cat Alliance 2, Were-cats 26. I arrived at this figure through my own notes but also through a helpful video that takes a comprehensive and complete “carnage count” of all kills in Sleepwalkers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmt-DroK6uA

II. Santo & Johnny “Sleep Walk” (1959) Because Sleepwalkers is decidedly not known for its good acting or its well-written screenplay, it is perhaps best known for its liberal and sometimes contrapuntal use of Santo & Johnny’s classic steel guitar song “Sleep Walk,” possibly the most famous (and therefore best) instrumental of the 20th century. Some might say “Sleep Walk” is tied for the #1 spot with “Green Onions” by Booker T & the M.G.’s and/or “Wipe Out” by The Surfaris, but I disagree. The Santo & Johnny song is #1 because of its incalculable influence on all subsequent popular music. 

I’m not saying “Wipe Out” didn't inspire a million imitators, both contemporaneously and even decades later…for example here’s a surf rock instrumental from 1999 called “Giant Cow" by a Toronto band called The Urban Surf Kings. The video was one of the first to be animated using Flash (and it shows):

So there are no shortage of surf rock bands, even now, decades after its emergence from the shores of California to the jukeboxes of Middle America. My old band Sleep for the Nightlife used to regularly play Rancho Relaxo with a surf rock band called the Dildonics, who I liked a great deal. There's even a Danish surf rock band called Baby Woodrose, whose debut album is a favourite of mine. They apparently compete for the title of Denmark’s biggest surf pop band with a group called The Setting Son. When a country that has no surfing culture and no beaches has multiple surf rock bands, it is safe to say the genre has attained international reach. As far as I can tell, there aren’t many bands out there playing Booker T & the M.G.’s inspired instrumental rock. Link Wray’s “Rumble” was released four years before “Green Onions.” But the influence of Santo and Johnny’s “Sleep Walk” is so ubiquitous as to be almost immeasurable. The reason for this is the sheer popularity of the song’s chord progression. If Santo and Johnny hadn’t written it first, somebody else would have, simply because the progression is so beautiful and easy on the ears and resolvable in a satisfying way. Have a listen to “Sleep Walk” first and then let’s check out some songs it directly inspired. 

The chords are C, A minor, F and G. Minor variations sometimes reverse the last two chords, but if it begins with C to A minor, you can bet it’s following the “Sleep Walk” formula, almost as if musicians influenced by the song are in the titular trance. When it comes to playing guitar, Tom Waits once said “your hands are like dogs, going to the same places they’ve been. You have to be careful when playing is no longer in the mind but in the fingers, going to happy places. You have to break them of their habits or you don’t explore; you only play what is confident and pleasing.” Not only is it comforting to play and/or hear what we already know, studies have shown that our brains actively resist new music, because it takes work to understand the new information and assimilate it into a pattern we are cogent of. It isn’t until the brain recognizes the pattern that it gives us a dopamine rush. I’m not much for Pitchfork anymore, but a recent article they posted does a fine job of discussing this phenomenon in greater detail.

Led Zeppelin’s “D’Yer Maker” uses the “Sleep Walk” riff prominently, anchored by John Bonham and John Paul Jones’ white-boy reggae beat: 

Here it is again with Del Shannon’s classic “Little Town Flirt.” I love Shannon’s falsetto at the end when he goes “you better run and hide now bo-o-oy.”

The Beatles “Happiness is a Warm Gun” uses the Sleep Walk progression, though not for the whole song. It goes into the progression at the bridge at 1:34: 

Tumblr won’t let me embed any more videos, so you’ll to travel to another tab to hear these songs, but Neil Young gets in on the act with his overlooked classic “Winterlong:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV6r66n3TFI On their 1996 EP Interstate 8 Modest Mouse pay direct homage by singing over their own rendition of the original Santo & Johnny version, right down to the weeping steel guitar part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT_PwXjCqqs The vocals are typical wispy whispered indie rock vocals, but I think they work, particularly the two different voices. They titled their version “Sleepwalking (Couples Only Dance Prom Night).”

Dwight Yoakam’s “Thousand Miles From Nowhere” makes cinematic use of it. This song plays over the credits of one of my all-time favourite movies, 1993′s Red Rock West feat. Nicolas Cage, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dennis Hopper, and J.T. Walsh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu3ypuKq8WE

“39″ is my favourite Queen song. I guess now I know why. It uses my fav chord progression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE8kGMfXaFU 

Blink 182 scored their first hit “Dammit” with a minor variation on the Sleep Walk chord progression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT0g16_LQaQ

Midwest beer drinkin bar rockers Connections scored a shoulda-been-a-hit with the fist-pumping “Beat the Sky:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSNRq0n_WYA You’d be hard pressed to find a weaker lead singer than this guy (save for me, natch), but they make it work. This one’s an anthem.

Spoon, who have made a career out of deconstructing rock n’ roll, so that their songs sometimes sound needlessly sparse (especially “The Ghost of You Lingers,” which takes minimalism to its most extreme...just a piano being bashed on staccato-style for four minutes), so it should surprise nobody that they re-arrange the Sleep Walk chords on their classic from Gimme Fiction, “I Summon You:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teXA8N3aF9M I love that opening line: remember the weight of the world was a sound that we used to buy? I think songwriter Britt Daniel is talking about buying albums from the likes of Pearl Jam or Smashing Pumpkins, any of those grunge bands with pessimistic worldviews. There are a million more examples. I remember seeing some YouTube video where a trio of gross douchebros keep playing the same progression while singing a bunch of hits over it. I don’t like the smarmy way they do it, making it seem like artists are lazy and deliberately stealing. I don’t think it’s plagiarism to use this progression. And furthermore, tempo and production make all the difference. Take “This Magic Moment” for example. There's a version by Jay & the Americans and one by Ben E King & the Drifters. I’ve never been a fan of those shrieking violins or fiddles that open the latter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bacBKKgc4Uo The Jay & the Americans version puts the guitar riff way in the forefront, which I like a lot more. The guitar plays the entire progression once before the singing starts and the band joins in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKfASw6qoag

Each version has its own distinctive feel. They are pretty much two different songs. Perhaps the most famous use of the Sleep Walk progression is “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers, which is one of my favourite songs ever. The guy who chose to let Bobby Hatfield sing this one by himself must have kicked himself afterwards when it became a hit, much bigger than "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling."https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0

What can you say about “Unchained Melody” that hasn’t already been said? God, that miraculously strong vocal, the way the strings (and later on, brass horns) are panned way over to the furthest reaches the left speaker while the drums and guitar are way over in the right, with the singing smack dab in the middle creates a kind of distance and sharp clarity that has never been reproduced in popular music, like seeing the skyscrapers of some distant city after an endless stretch of highway. After listening to “Unchained Melody,” one has to wonder: can that progression ever be improved upon? Can any artist write something more haunting, more beautiful, more uplifting than that? The “need your love” crescendo hits so fucking hard, as both the emotional and the sonic climax of the song, which of course is no accident...the strings descending and crashing like a waterfall of sound, it gets me every fucking time. Legend has it that King George II was so moved by the “Hallelujah” section of Handel’s “Messiah” that he stood up, he couldn't help himself, couldn't believe what he was hearing. I get that feeling with all my favourite songs. "1979." "Unchained Melody." "In The Still of the Night." "Digital Bath." "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?" "Interstate." "Liar's Tale." “Gimme Shelter.” The list goes on and on. Music is supposed to move us.

King George II stood because he was moved to do so. Music may be our creation, but it isn't our subordinate. All those sci-fi stories warning about technology growing beyond our control aren’t that far-fetched. Music is our creation but its power lies beyond our control. We are subordinate to music, helpless against its power and might, its urgency and vitality and beauty. There have been many times in my life when I have been so obsessed with a particular song that I pretty much want to live inside of it forever. A house of sound. I remember detoxing from heroin and listening to Grimes “Realiti” on repeat for twelve hours. Detoxing from OxyContin and listening to The Beach Boys “Dont Worry Baby” over and over. Or just being young and listening to “Tonight Tonight” over and over and over, tears streaming from my eyes in that way you cry when you’re a kid because you just feel so much and you don’t know what to do with the intensity of those feelings. It is precisely because we are so moved by music that we keep creating it. And in the act of that creation we are free. There are no limits to that freedom, which is why bands time and time again return to the well-worn Sleep Walk chord progression and try to make something new from it. Back in 2006, soon after buying what was then the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album, I found myself playing the album’s closing track over and over. I loved the chorus and I loved the way it collapses into a lo-fi demo at the very end, stripping away the studio sheen and...not to be too punny, showing its bones (the album title is Show Your Bones). Later on I would realize that the song, called “Turn Into,” uses the Sleep Walk chord progression. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exqCFoPiwpk

It’s just like, what Waits said, our hands goes to where we are familiar. And so do our ears, which is why jazz often sounds so unpleasant to us upon first listen. Or Captain Beefheart. But it’s worth the effort to discover new stuff, just as it’s worth the effort to try and write it. I recently lamented on this blog that music to me now is more about remembrance than discovery, but I’m still only 35 years old. I’m middle-aged right now (I don’t expect to live past 70, not with the lifestyle I’ve been living). There’s still a whole other half life to find new music and love and leave it for still newer stuff. It’s worth the challenge, that moment of inner resistance we feel when confronted with something new and challenging and strange sounding. The austere demands of adult life, rent and routine, take so much of our time. I still make time for creative pursuits, but I don’t really have much time for discovery, for seeking out new music. But I’ve resolved to start making more time. A few years ago I tried to listen to and like Trout Mask Replica but I couldn’t. I just didn’t get what was going on. It sounded like a bunch of mistakes piled on top of each other. But then a few days ago I was writing while listening to music, as I always do, and YouTube somehow landed on Lick My Decals Off, Baby. I didn’t love what I was hearing but I was intrigued enough to keep going. And now I really like this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMnd9dvb3sA&pbjreload=101 Another example I’ll give is the rare Robert Pollard gem “Prom Is Coming.” The first time I heard this song, it sounded like someone who can’t play guitar messing around, but the more I heard it the more I realized there’s a song there. It’s weird and strange, but it’s there. The lyrics are classic Pollard: Disregard injury and race madly out of the universe by sundown. Pollard obviously has a special place in his heart for this track. He named one of his many record labels Prom Is Coming Records and he titled the Boston Spaceships best-of collection Out of the Universe By Sundown. I don’t know if I’ll ever become a Captain Beefheart megafan but I can hear that the man was doing something very strange and, at times, beautiful. And anyway, why should everything be easy? Aren’t some challenges worth meeting for the experience waiting on the other side of comprehension or acceptance? I try to remember this now whenever I’m first confronted with new music, instead of vetoing it right away. Most of my favourite bands I was initially resistant to when I first heard them. Queens of the Stone Age, Kyuss, Guided by Voices, Spoon, Heavy Times. All bands I didn’t like at first.  I don’t wanna sleepwalk through life, surrounding myself only with things I have already experienced. I need to stay awake. Because soon enough I’ll be asleep forever. We need to try everything we can before the Big Sleep comes to take us back to the great blankness, the terrible question mark that bookends our lives.

[eduardoandale]

Buddy Holly-ween

Hi!!! This is my gift for @dorkgrayson for @reddielibrary‘s Halloween Exchange!

I hope you enjoy it :D!

Teen || 1.3k 

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Eddie was fucked. Eddie was truly fucked, and he didn’t want to think about it as he sat in the corner of the party sipping his blood-coloured drink. With every gulp the liquid clawed down his throat, a mix of sugar, cordial and a lot of alcohol. Normally he would be averse to drinking alcohol especially considering he had a curfew when he’d have to meet his mother, but right now he just needed a distraction.

A distraction from the man in the middle of the room, with the sides of his black-hair slicked back in a 50’s do, a blazer that showcased his wide shoulders matched with black slacks that elongated his already long legs and a pair of thick black rimmed glasses that framed his face.  He looked like he walked out of a dream, to be more exact, he looked like he walked out of Eddie’s dream.

It wasn’t a secret that Eddie liked Buddy Holly. He had fond memories of the singer, with his records being one of the only possessions that his father had left behind. They used to dance together to “Peggy Sue” and sing along to “Everyday”. It was a few years after Frank’s death when Eddie found the old records collecting dust on the shelf and decided to take a listen to them again.

It was hard at first, with all the songs connected to his dad, but after repeated listens, Eddie made new memories to the much-loved songs.

Eddie sort of became obsessed with the man, looking up his biography and softly crying in his bed after learning about his untimely death. In his sleep, he would sometimes dream about the other man. It started out quite innocent, them just talking, then they had started to get … less than innocent and soon enough Eddie woke up to soiled sheets and a sheen of sweat realising that that was just another bloody thing he had to deal with.

His realisation that he was attracted to men shouldn’t have come as a surprise, especially since everyone else seemed to have known that Eddie was gay before he did. But after many sleepless nights, he had come to terms with it. In a way. It was just Buddy Holly right? It’s not like he’s a real person, he could live with having a crush on the memorialised singer, it was fine, everything was FINE.

Everything was NOT fine, because right now Richie Fucking Tozier was dressed up as Buddy Holly for Halloween and Eddie couldn’t comprehend anything. His brain was completely fried as he watched his best friend dance around the room talking to the other loser’s in a low voice closely imitating Buddy’s accent. His voices were definitely getting better.

Jesus fucking Christ he cannot be attracted to Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier.

He gulped down the rest of his drink and went to talk to Ben and Mike.

Eddie was surprised at how fast the time went by with the alcohol with his system. Throughout the night he could feel Richie gazing at him, but Eddie refused to look back too scared to come to terms with his possible attraction to his friend. Other than that, Eddie had a good time and before he knew it, his mother was the door ready to pick him up.

Thankfully, ma hadn’t noticed Eddie’s state of intoxication as she told him to clean up and head to bed.

Eddie was in his pyjamas when he heard a tapping coming from his bedroom window.

“Richie what the fuck are you doing here?” Eddie whisper screamed as he opened the sill.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Richie said as he climbed into Eddie’s room. His hair was fighting against the grease, it was no longer pulled back but was in the natural mess that it would always fall to. The white blazer was gone, so was the tie, and his shirt and slacks were dirtied probably from climbing up to Eddie’s window. The whole façade was broken, he looked nothing like Buddy Holly, just his Richie and Eddie’s heart almost burst out of his chest with the sudden realisation that he was very much in love with Richie.

“No, I haven’t your dipshit, and can you quieten down, my mom will hear you,” the walls were thin, and he could hear her snoring from her bedroom. If she caught Richie, heaven knows what she would have done to him.

“Have so, you didn’t talk to me once tonight” Richie cried out exasperatingly, he wasn’t even trying to keep quiet and Eddie was panicking.  “And I don’t know Eds-“

What caused Eddie to do what he did next could have been one of many things. It could have been the alcohol, the need to get Richie to shut up because his mother was a light sleeper and she could walk in at any given moment. Or just possibly, the fact that Richie looked handsome with his messy hair shining in the moonlight, his glasses askew and his lips stained red from the bloody-drink they all consumed but without thinking Eddie leaned in and planted a kiss on Richie’s mouth.

It was quite messy considering Richie’s mouth was open, mid conversation but as soon as their lips touched, Richie stopped talking. Eddie slowly opened his eyes and took a step back coming into his senses, and frankly quite astonished at his lack of self-control.

Eddie looked back at the now silent ‘Trashmouth’ who just stood silently blinking, did Eddie break him?

“Richie?”

“Yeah,” he replied, his voice softer, his face still glazed with a far-off look.

“Are you okay?”

“Just peachy Eds,”

“Look I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,”

“What no, are you kidding? I’ve wanted to kiss you since 8th grade.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I wrote our initials on the kissing bridge and everything.”

“Richie… that’s gay”

“You literally just kissed me,”

“Yeah, but I only realised I like you like 4 hours ago?”

“Ha, so that’s why you were ignoring me, just knew you couldn’t keep your hands off all of this.”

God why did he like this man?

“Wait, was it the Buddy Holly? Oh my god! You totally have a type? Is that why you keep his records in your bedroom? So you can play with little…”

“Shut up Trashmouth, or I’ll”

“Or what? You’ll kiss me?” He said, his smirk was teasing and infuriating and god it was also so fucking hot.

Eddie grabbed Richie’s tie and pulled him forward and so their lips were inches apart. “I just might,” Eddie whispered as Richie’s breath hitched. Pushing away a few of the curls away from Richie’s eyes, he caressed Richie’s face with his hands and closed the distance. The kiss was much softer this time, savouring the feeling of his lips on the other boy.

This time, Richie put his arms around Eddie’s waist and pulled him closer. It was all encompassing the feeling of Richie’s body against his. Why hadn’t they done this before? It was the best feeling in the world and Eddie was living.

“Eddie-bear what are you doing awake?” His ma called.

Eddie and Richie quickly detached from each other’s grasp.

“Just getting a drink of water ma!” Eddie called out, practically pushing Richie back through to the window.

“Okay, Eddie-kins just make sure you go to the toilet too, don’t want you to wet the bed.”

Richie opened his mouth as he sat on the window sill about to get himself down looking like he was about to retort something stupidly inappropriate.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Eddie growled lowly faking annoyance and giving Richie one final peck.

Richie’s smirk fell into a soft smile before scaled-down the house. Once he was down, he looked up at Eddie once more before giving him a little wave as he practically skipped home.

Eddie closed the window sill and went to bed with a smile on his face.

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

kat bjelland or brody dalle?

Kat Bjelland > Brody Dalle.

Kat Bjelland is so much better guitar player for sure. I also admire Kat for the fact she doesn’t have social media and Instagram account. Brody Dalle basically acts like a typical instagrammer now and i can’t help it, i have big aversion to instagram, lol.

I liked her solo album a lot, but i didn’t keep up with her later, i didn’t even know she’s had another son (daughter?) since. Distillers reunions was surprising, cause she always hinted they tried and there was no chemistry. But impossible band reunions seem to be fashionable ever since 2017… (Not that i complain, cause we’ve got a real Jawbreaker reunion!) Man vs The Magnet song is great, i love it. Idk if it’s forgotten oldie or something new though. But i didn’t care much about Distillers reunion, mostly because they didn’t tour anywhere near my country so i couldn’t see them live anyway. But also because they have a tendency to pick awful bands as support, like Starcrawler, which is basically the fakest band in rock, spoiled rich LA teens that make career through nepotism. The singer’s mother knows everybody in rock scene so i’m not surprised they know Brody Dalle. 

To be honest i only listen to Coral Fang album these days. I find it the only listenable thing now, with a half of Sing Sing Death House if I’m in the right mood. I can’t stand their 1st album now. It’s because I CANNOT STAND UTRA FAST HARDCORE these days… shocking, right? It really tires me. (It’s funny cause for example Steve Albini’s bands are intentionally abrasive and noisy but i actually find them so much slower, nicer and melodic than hardcore. For example „Bad Houses”, riff is all sweet and cute, haha. Big Black doesn’t bother me at all but Dead Kennedys do.) I used to love fast Black Flag, fast Minor Threat, Land Speed Record by Husker Du, etc. But now it sounds too fast to me, you know? Like i don’t follow up. Lol. I’m too slow for hardcore punk now. And I’m not even changing or especially mature. I’m just really depressed and tired these years, deadbeat even. A LOT of sounds irritate me – i know it’s partly because of lack of sleep. EVERYTHING FUCKING IRRITATES ME. And if not irritates, then everything makes me tired. I like aggressive songs, screaming and distortion is all fine, but it needs to be in a reasonable pace and last longer than half a minute. And drums cannot sound like a fucking woodpecker. Maybe it will come back to normal but now very fast songs bother me. Grunge, Sex Pistols-Clash punk, industrial, alt rock, but now hardcore punk.

Distillers aren’t maybe the most hardcore band in the world but they really tried to sound as punk as they could on their 1st records. Also 1st album had that irritating Rancid influence… The same as i’m done with hardcore, i’m kind of bored with that cliche alike sound of NOFX/Rancid/Pennywise/skate punk of 90’s and 00’s. I listen a lot to all that classic 70’s British punk. American punk sounds too happy for me now. I know it’s stupid, but i told you everything irritates me now.

They say music calms and music helps you and saves lives etc. but it’s bullshit to me. I’m glad others find it true and it helps them but it doesn’t work for me. Music won’t make your problems disappear or cure you. Quite the opposite, a lot of the bands i used to like became ugly, tiring and unbearable to me. Sometimes music physically tires me and I’m fed up with everything. I haven’t listened to a single CD in months. I use headphones still but there are days when i only watch TV pointlessly and don’t want any music at all. My mom doesn’t listen to her CDs at all and i understand it, my CDs collect dust too for a long time. I’m not sure if that’s the answer you expected for this simple question, sorry *shrug*

Coral Fang is good though. Equally good music and melodies. Oh, and lyrics. I like how every song has that recurrent theme of blood. My favourite songs are Dismantle Me, The Gallow is God, Coral Fang, For Tonight (…).

I listen now a lot to Husker Du post Metal Circus, Jawbreaker, Pixies. Mission of Burma is very calming and relaxing

[reddielibrary]

Buddy Holly-ween

Written by @eduardoandale

Gift for @dorkgrayson

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Word count: 1325

Rating: Teen

Eddie was fucked. Eddie was truly fucked, and he didn’t want to think about it as he sat in the corner of the party sipping his blood-coloured drink. With every gulp the liquid clawed down his throat, a mix of sugar, cordial and a lot of alcohol. Normally he would be averse to drinking alcohol especially considering he had a curfew when he’d have to meet his mother, but right now he just needed a distraction. 

A distraction from the man in the middle of the room, with the sides of his black-hair slicked back in a 50’s do, a blazer that showcased his wide shoulders matched with black slacks that elongated his already long legs and a pair of thick black rimmed glasses that framed his face.  He looked like he walked out of a dream, to be more exact, he looked like he walked out of Eddie’s dream. 

It wasn’t a secret that Eddie liked Buddy Holly. He had fond memories of the singer, with his records being one of the only possessions that his father had left behind. They used to dance together to “Peggy Sue” and sing along to “Everyday”. It was a few years after Frank’s death when Eddie found the old records collecting dust on the shelf and decided to take a listen to them again. 

It was hard at first, with all the songs connected to his dad, but after repeated listens, Eddie made new memories to the much-loved songs. 

Eddie sort of became obsessed with the man, looking up his biography and softly crying in his bed after learning about his untimely death. In his sleep, he would sometimes dream about the other man. It started out quite innocent, them just talking, then they had started to get … less than innocent and soon enough Eddie woke up to soiled sheets and a sheen of sweat realising that that was just another bloody thing he had to deal with. 

His realisation that he was attracted to men shouldn’t have come as a surprise, especially since everyone else seemed to have known that Eddie was gay before he did. But after many sleepless nights, he had come to terms with it. In a way. It was just Buddy Holly right? It’s not like he’s a real person, he could live with having a crush on the memorialised singer, it was fine, everything was FINE. 

Everything was NOT fine, because right now Richie Fucking Tozier was dressed up as Buddy Holly for Halloween and Eddie couldn’t comprehend anything. His brain was completely fried as he watched his best friend dance around the room talking to the other loser’s in a low voice closely imitating Buddy’s accent. His voices were definitely getting better.

Jesus fucking Christ he cannot be attracted to Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier. 

He gulped down the rest of his drink and went to talk to Ben and Mike. 

Eddie was surprised at how fast the time went by with the alcohol with his system. Throughout the night he could feel Richie gazing at him, but Eddie refused to look back too scared to come to terms with his possible attraction to his friend. Other than that, Eddie had a good time and before he knew it, his mother was the door ready to pick him up. 

Thankfully, ma hadn’t noticed Eddie’s state of intoxication as she told him to clean up and head to bed. 

Eddie was in his pyjamas when he heard a tapping coming from his bedroom window. 

 “Richie what the fuck are you doing here?” Eddie whisper screamed as he opened the sill. 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Richie said as he climbed into Eddie’s room. His hair was fighting against the grease, it was no longer pulled back but was in the natural mess that it would always fall to. The white blazer was gone, so was the tie, and his shirt and slacks were dirtied probably from climbing up to Eddie’s window. The whole façade was broken, he looked nothing like Buddy Holly, just his Richie and Eddie’s heart almost burst out of his chest with the sudden realisation that he was very much in love with Richie. 

“No, I haven’t your dipshit, and can you quieten down, my mom will hear you,” the walls were thin, and he could hear her snoring from her bedroom. If she caught Richie, heaven knows what she would have done to him. 

“Have so, you didn’t talk to me once tonight” Richie cried out exasperatingly, he wasn’t even trying to keep quiet and Eddie was panicking.  “And I don’t know Eds-“

What caused Eddie to do what he did next could have been one of many things. It could have been the alcohol, the need to get Richie to shut up because his mother was a light sleeper and she could walk in at any given moment. Or just possibly, the fact that Richie looked handsome with his messy hair shining in the moonlight, his glasses askew and his lips stained red from the bloody-drink they all consumed but without thinking Eddie leaned in and planted a kiss on Richie’s mouth. 

It was quite messy considering Richie’s mouth was open, mid conversation but as soon as their lips touched, Richie stopped talking. Eddie slowly opened his eyes and took a step back coming into his senses, and frankly quite astonished at his lack of self-control. 

Eddie looked back at the now silent ‘Trashmouth’ who just stood silently blinking, did Eddie break him?

“Richie?”

“Yeah,” he replied, his voice softer, his face still glazed with a far-off look.

“Are you okay?”

“Just peachy Eds,” 

“Look I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,”

“What no, are you kidding? I’ve wanted to kiss you since 8th grade.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I wrote our initials on the kissing bridge and everything.”

“Richie… that’s gay”

“You literally just kissed me,” 

“Yeah, but I only realised I like you like 4 hours ago?”

“Ha, so that’s why you were ignoring me, just knew you couldn’t keep your hands off all of this.” 

God why did he like this man?

“Wait, was it the Buddy Holly? Oh my god! You totally have a type? Is that why you keep his records in your bedroom? So you can play with little…”

“Shut up Trashmouth, or I’ll” 

“Or what? You’ll kiss me?” He said, his smirk was teasing and infuriating and god it was also so fucking hot. 

Eddie grabbed Richie’s tie and pulled him forward and so their lips were inches apart. “I just might,” Eddie whispered as Richie’s breath hitched. Pushing away a few of the curls away from Richie’s eyes, he caressed Richie’s face with his hands and closed the distance. The kiss was much softer this time, savouring the feeling of his lips on the other boy. 

This time, Richie put his arms around Eddie’s waist and pulled him closer. It was all encompassing the feeling of Richie’s body against his. Why hadn’t they done this before? It was the best feeling in the world and Eddie was living. 

“Eddie-bear what are you doing awake?” His ma called. 

Eddie and Richie quickly detached from each other’s grasp. 

“Just getting a drink of water ma!” Eddie called out, practically pushing Richie back through to the window. 

“Okay Eddie-kins just make sure you go to the toilet too, don’t want you to wet the bed.” 

Richie opened his mouth as he sat on the window sill about to get himself down looking like he was about to retort something stupidly inappropriate. 

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Eddie growled lowly faking annoyance and giving Richie one final peck.

Richie’s smirk fell into a soft smile before scaled down the house. Once he was down, he looked up at Eddie once more before giving him a little wave as he practically skipped home. 

Eddie closed the window sill and went to bed with a smile on his face.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Top 10 Favorite TV Shows (In A Row):

The Dick Van Dyke Show (The Dick Van Dyke Show has earned the number 1 spot in my heart through years of love and loyalty. Growing up you learn about shows through your family, it’s only natural. Especially with me because we didn’t have cable much of the time. So the only way I could really learn about TV shows was through them. TDVDS was the first show that I considered to be “my show,” it was sorta my identity for a lot of years. Yes, I learned about it through my family, but the first time I remember watching it was on my own. My sister Ingrid had it on VHS tape, and I just remember rummaging through her VHS’ and deciding to watch it one day. One thing’s for sure…. my love for that show outpaced everyone in my family. It was also one of the first shows that I came to consider myself an expert on. It’s a show that is everything to me, and if you get me started I could talk about it for about 24 hours straight. If you want a big list of why TDVDS is such an iconic show. I have a whole post about that)

Get Smart (Another show that has earned it’s spot and that will never change despite whatever hyperfixation I have at any given time. Don’t even talk to me about the 2008 movie adaptation of Get Smart. It’s not even worthy to lick the TV shows boots!!!! Get Smart is a show that I have memories of since I was like 8 years old. It’s such a happy show for me, though I would say that about all of my top 10 favorite shows. This show had such a genius concept. It came at a time when spy shows and movies were all the rage. It took that genre and just flipped it on it’s head. It was kinda like a parody of James Bond and stuff like that. Get Smart has shaped popular culture so much…. and so much more than people realize. So many popular words or terms that are in out lingo and dictionaries were created in Get Smart)

I Love Lucy (I Love Lucy is a show that has been a part of my life…. forever. I literally don’t think there was a time when I Love Lucy wasn’t in my life. It was probably playing in the hospital room while I was being birthed. My dad was obsessed with this show. He was so obsessed that when he was in California with my mom, on vacation. They went to Beverly Hills and my dad wanted to knock on Lucille Ball’s door and say “hi” (this was in the 80s), but my mom was too mortified at the thought. So he snuck into her backyard and took a picture of her garbage can. Yep… that’s my dad for you. I think that picture is still in a picture book of his!! He was a huge collector, he collected a shit ton of stuff before giving most of it away in the early 2000s, cause our family was moving to a much smaller house. One of my first memories of any show or movie was I Love Lucy. It was in 2003, when I was 6 nearly 7. We had recently moved to a condo, and the house was still in disarray and we as a family sat on the floor watching I Love Lucy. I remember the episode…. it was called “First Stop” and it was about the Ricardo’s and the Mertz’s trip to California and they stop at a shady diner off of a highway. The diner owner tricks them into staying in a cabin that he rents out (long story, you’ll have to watch the ep to see how that happens :) ) Either way, they are in this cabin that is feet away from a train track and every time a train goes past, Ricky and Lucy’s bed moves all the way to the other side of the room. It was so funny and I peed my pants… no joke…. i’m embarrased to admit it but it’s true. But hey I was 6 years old, I give myself a pass for that ;) )

I Dream Of Jeannie (I Dream Of Jeannie is a show that I learned about relatively late in life. I was 12 when my sisters and myself watched the first episode. It really became a show that was mine and my sister Ingrid’s show. We used to watch every episode together from start to finish and we were both huge fans of Tony and Jeannie’s relationship. Tony and Jeannie were one of my first ships)

Stranger Things (STRANGER THINGS!!!!! This show took me completely by surprise and it has now earned the 5th spot, that will never change! I have never been hyperfixated on a show for this long. It has been my hyperfixation for over 3 years now. Before I started watching Stranger Things, I thought I knew all I needed to know about it. I knew it was a sci-fi/horror show that revolved around kids. I had heard the cultural noise surrounding it and I respected that, but as someone who doesn’t consider herself a “nerd”, I had no real interest in it. It was one of those shows that I acceded I would eventually watch, maybe in 20 years, but it was so low on my priority list. In fact, my opinion of sci-fi or quote un quote nerd shows/movies really hasn’t changed despite my love of ST. I still have no interest in Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Lord Of The Rings, Harry Potter, or any other show like that. I have no interest in action for action’s sake. I can’t watch a light saber dual and get excited about that. In order to care about an action scene I need to first care about the characters. It wasn’t until Jan 2017, that I decided to give in and watch and i’ve never looked back. It’s one of the best decision i’ve ever made. I’m telling you, if there is anyone out there who hasn’t watched ST yet and doesn’t think they would like the show. Please give it a try…. I thought the same thing as you before I watched it. It’s so much more than just sci fi and horror. It’s also a drama with big comedic elements, it’s a relationship show. It’s horror but it’s not overly scary (and this is coming from a scaredy cat), it’s sci fi but it doesn’t lean on that too much, it’s not overly gloomy and the cinematography is so beautiful, it’s fun and exciting, it’s got a really interesting conspiracy storyline running through it. Believe me, it’s worth a try!!)

Gilmore Girls (Gilmore Girls is a show that became mine and my sister Greta’s show. She’s on Tumblr (though not as active) so if you see this Greta… thankyou for my undying love with this show :) It’s all your fault ;). GG came at a time in my life where I was really kind of averse to watching any new shows. I had my favorite shows and that was fine with me. But Greta wanted to watch this show with me, and we hadn’t really bonded too much because I was in school and she was working and there was an 8 year age difference between us. So I really credit GG with bringing us closer. We really bonded with our love of this show. Though I think she only watched it with me cause she thought that Jared Padalecki being in it would help me get into Supernatural…. i’m onto you Greta, i’m onto your tricks ;) The year was 2011, the month was October and I was 15 years old (the same age as Rory when the show started) and my life has never been the same (I think i’m being overly dramatic at this point) :)

New Girl (New Girl is a show that my sister Millie got me into in 2016. She just kept showing me clips of it until I gave in and watched it. For anyone looking for a quality comedy to watch, ya’ll should watch this. It’s damn hilarious!!!)

Community (I watched Community for the first time around 2012. I watched episodes here or there when my siblings would have it on. But I didn’t start watching it from beginning to end until about 2015. I regret not watching it all sooner because Community is a genius show, and is grossly underrated. I think it’s the first show that had a big grass roots fan base that saved it from being cancelled year after year. It seemed like every year Community was in danger of being cancelled by NBC, but the fans would go ballistic and kick up a storm during every hiatus. It was really one of the first, if not the first time that fans would picket and riot online and their attempts to bring the show back did not go unnoticed by NBC. The show would go on to have 5 seasons on NBC, and then it had a 6th season on Yahoo. Now every time a show is cancelled people kick up a storm online and make their attempts go viral, but Community was really the first of that. Community fans are freakin tenacious)

Psych (There are 7 people in my family including my parents and everyone of us is fans of Psych. Psych came out in 2006 and was on until 2014. It’s a show that a family where the oldest was born in 1953 and the youngest was born in 1996, can all agree and love the show. My brother Johnny was the first, I remember he used to walk around and sing the theme song thus annoying me constantly. Then my brother made my sister Greta a fan, and then my sister Ingrid became a fan, around that time my sister Millie became a fan. Next Greta watched Psych with my mom and my mom became obsessed to the point where it’s one of her favorite shows ever and Shawn and Gus are two of her favorite TV characters ever. She has watched it all the way through about 7 times. Then my mom and myself watched it together from start to finish, and I became a huge fan. I can safely say that is the only time my mom has ever gotten me into a show. I love her so much, but she is not a big TV viewer, she’s more into books and such. Which makes her love for Psych even more unique and surprising. Then Greta and my mom watched it together again about 2 years ago and my dad joined in and found himself becoming a fan of it. That’s also not including my 2 brother in laws and my sister in law who are all huge fans of it. And my sister in law initially hated it…. until she found herself becoming a huge fan as well. This all speaks to Psych’s amazing power. It’s so funny and an all around amazingly done show.)

Remington Steele (Remington Steele is a show that my mom and dad watched together with a group of friends when it was first airing in the 80s, so I learned about it through them. It’s such a fun show!!!!!!! It has a really fun concept as well. If there is any Psych fans who are reading this post, you should all watch this show. A writer of Remington Steele was also a writer on Psych and RS is referenced on Psych multiple times. Totally worth everyone’s time, it’s my favorite 80s show)

[duckverse-imaginations-archived]

Gyro and Fenton for the ship thing

I Have three top ships (otps) from ducktales and this is on of them so I got so excited when I saw this ship in my inbox!

Gyro Gearloose x Fenton Cracksell-Cabrera

•Who is the most affectionate?

Fenton of course.

•Big spoon/Little spoon?

Gyro like control so of course hes the big spoon which Fenton is okay with means he gets to be warm 

•Most common argument?

These two would fight over the best thing to drink first thing in the morning 

•Favorite non-sexual activity?

Likely working in the lab together, even with Fentons clumsiness 

•Who is most likely to carry the other?

Fenton as Gizmoduck always carries Gyro around and tries out side the suite too

•What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Gyro actually really likes the way Fenton styles his hair.

Fenton likes how Gyro looks in glasses 

•What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

When you date a superhero you start having to learn to br a little not selfish 

When you date a close to mad scientist you learn to think a bit differently at times 

•Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Gyro isn't really a nickname guy he still refers to Fenton as intern which fenton takes as a nickname

Fenton of course call Gyro mi amor (and papi) he also adopts dr.Gearlosse as a pet name for him

•Who worries the most?

Fenton always worries over Gyro for everything his diet his sleep schedule if hes gotten enough sun light or interacted with anyone outside the lab in a while 

Gyro wishes he wouldn't so much 

•Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Having started off as gyros intern fentons knows all of gyros usual orders 

•Who tops?

Gyro is a bratty bottom so Fenton tops 

•Who initiates kisses?

I dont see Gyro being open to pda but when they are alone Gyro will initiate the kiss

•Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Fenton will but respects gyros aversion to pda

•Who kisses the hardest?

Fenton is latino you know this boy kisses hard

•Who wakes up first?

Fenton cause chances are gyros been up already 

•Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Gyro 

•Who says I love you first?

Gyro actually said it first though more as a question to himself 

•Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

Gyro 

Intern make sure the lab isnt a mess and dont touch anything on my desk. I'll be in late, love you. Seriously dont touch anything! Know what just stay out of the lab till I get there.

•Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

Fenton tells his mother right away

•What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Fentons mom worries a but but she warns up to Gyro fast sometimes they both scold Fenton 

Scgrooe just asks they dont let the flirting get in the way of work 

•Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

Fenton always tries to dance with Gyro has yet to get him todo so 

•Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Fenton for both 

•Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Fenton uses lines Gyro tends to just give him a look or a responses Fenton dosent expect

Fenton: "Did you fall from haven?" 

Gyro: "are you calling me the devil?"

Fenton: "what no i"

Gyro: "how sweet" 

•Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

GYRO CHANGE MY MIND!

but no seriously hell lean down and whispers things to Fenton either as a way to get him to stop talking or to get his attention 

•Who needs more assurance?

Fenton, Gyro tends to tell him that he wouldnt let him stay around his lab if he didn't think he could somewhat use his mind

•What would be their theme song?

I like me better by Lauv

•Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

Fenton would sing the same songs his mom used to sign to him 

•What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Gyro goes and purposes new inventions or just stays in his land enjoying his quite 

Fenton is normally patrolling as Gizmoduck or hanging out with someone 

•one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

That people would assume Gyro dosent actually love Fenton because of his personality 

•one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

that fenton knows Gyro well enough to know he loves him just shows it in a way that others dont understand 

[czarbok]

rant with a huge tw// ed

i never thought that i would be the one to develop an eating disorder, especially at the current age i’m at. when i was 8, i kinda suffered from an anxiety-induced food aversion which would make me not eat in fear of choking/throwing up. because of this, i was underweight for a good chunk of time. from about third grade until 8th grade, i was very scrawny; my friends mom would constantly say i had toothpick legs and my grandma would call me a skinny minnie lmao.

i had a huge appetite and a metabolism that was even faster through these years. i had shaken off my food aversion by fifth grade but never managed to gain an excess amount of weight. i didn’t hit 100 pounds until seventh grade and it was partially because i was going through puberty and growing. i still got my period on time because i was eating frequently. i ate a lot of junk food and huge servings of meals but never seemed to gain weight. people envied me.

by ninth grade, i was still really skinny. a-cups for my bra, toothpick legs, ankles that i could almost wrap my fingers around, the whole bit. i was getting into more muscle-building sports at this time. in jr. high, i ran track and cross-country but i gave both of them up for softball and soccer respectively. as much as i liked to think i was gaining muscle, i still looked like a stick. i looked awkward and stringy in all of my uniforms. the best way to describe how i looked is a praying mantis.

in ninth grade, i had also gotten my first boyfriend. he was a year older than me and he was more experienced than me. he was on the wrestling team so he frequently had to cut weight and cutting weight meant skipping meals and binging and purging. dinners at his house were awkward because i would be eating a huge plate of food and he would eat nothing. because he was lactose intolerant, he would eat large portions of ice cream and dairy products just to shit out the weight. he wasn’t that much heavier than me which i felt like it bothered him because that’s just the type of person he was. i never weighed myself at this time because the scale was always kept in my parents’ room and it was never right. i only got weighed at my yearly physicals.

the following summer, my boyfriend had broken up with me and i was devastated. i would lock myself in my room and only come out for basketball or soccer. i also ate less because my forming depression made it hard for me to get an appetite. i don’t know if i lost any weight, because again, i wasn’t weighing myself. i tried to get more involved with soccer, constantly practicing and honing my skills as a goalkeeper. i was also honing my skills in basketball summer league because i wanted to be on varsity in the coming year.

i had petty feuds with my first ex-boyfriend that whole summer and into my sophomore year of high schools but by the time school came back in, we seemed to become “friends”. at this time, i had also met my second boyfriend through mutual loves of music and soccer. he was overweight but i didn’t care. i really liked who he was as a person. he made me laugh and made me feel better about my breakup. he acted like a therapist and a best friend to me. but we didn’t start officially dating until february of our sophomore year.

before that, we were really close friends. we made fun of a boy i dated for a month and my first ex-boyfriend. we hung out a lot at his house and he made me feel like my world was getting put back together. i had won second team all-conference in soccer as sophomore, one of the first to do so, and i was excelling in basketball making a promising effort to be on varsity.

then i went to the doctor for on-going foot pains. my doctor told me that my foot had been broken for three years because of a basketball injury. the bone and joint had decayed and rotted and i needed to do something about it if i wanted to continue to play sports. i obliged because i wanted the attention that my foot injury would bring me, especially for my ex-boyfriend. so november 2015, i had surgery on my foot. i had an artificial joint put in my foot at the age of 15 and my doctor promised that i wouldn’t have to worry about it for 15 years if i followed through with physical therapy.

i got out of the hospital the same night and went home with all sorts of drugs including vicodin, antibiotics, and anti-imflamatories. drew, my friend and second boyfriend, was always a text away to keep my spirits up. i was out of basketball for a month and a half and lost my varsity jersey because there was no point in me having it. that wrecked me and it wrecked me even more that i couldn’t play with my best friends. i sunk into a depression that made me question if i even wanted to return from sports.

my weight wasn’t a concern to me because i never worried about it. i went through countless hours of pt in the early mornings before school so that i could get back on the court quicker. it was painful and constantly made me tired because my endurance and energy had diminished since i was put out. but i still didn’t notice my weight.

i returned to basketball in late december, winded and hesitant. i galloped when i ran in fear of destroying my new joint but i looked more fluid and confident than i ever had before. drew and i were increasingly becoming closer but i was increasingly becoming more and more suicidal.

january 1, 2016, my dad’s best friends and a very close friend to my family suddenly died in his sleep. we had actually been at his house for new years that night and now he was dead. it shook my family to the core. it brought out a side of my father that i had never seen before. he came into my room crying and hugged me, saying that he didn’t know what he was going to do without him. i was heartbroken and sunk into an even deeper depression. we spent a lot of time at his house, helping his now widowed wife and sons— two were adults, one was a senior in high school, the other in 8th grade and best friends with my sister. the calling hours rocked me as some of his favorite music blasted through his alma mater. one of them had been rose tattoo by the dropkick murphys, one of my favorite songs at the time. i still can’t listen to it. another song was the devil in i by slipknot which played frequently on my family’s favorite radio station; if it came on, the station would immediately be switched.

again, drew helped me cope and we were getting more intimate. we still joked about our exes and had fun but we were becoming closer than friends. by late january, i contracted mono for the first time and lost my appetite for over a week. i probably lost a lot of weight, but again, it wasn’t a concern.

i had also been trying to get my drivers license through february, taking the required classes and trying to schedule in-cars. ohio is a bitch state to get your license in. by february, drew and i were official and he urged me to get my license so i could take him places. i frequently broke down because i was so overwhelmed with recovering from an injury, recovering from mono, now softball, and school. drew urged me to see a therapist because i had frequent suicidal thoughts that worried him.

it wasn’t until may of 2016 that i received my diagnosis of depression. i was put on a low dose of serafem and put on suicide watch for that week because my mental health was so bad. my relationship was drew was getting rocky; i was starting to distrust him and he seemed to want to do everything without me. i finally finished the in-class session of my drivers test and passed but i still had to do in-cars before i could take my test.

that same month, my mom forced me to go to the obgyn to get on birth control because she thought i was sexually active with drew. (technically we weren’t). i had heard rumors that birth control caused weight gain but i wasn’t concerned, i got on it anyways. i was very strict with the time that i took it for about a year before not caring. i still take it every night, just not at the same time lmao. i didn’t realize it, but i started gaining weight.

drew broke up with me in mid-july of 2016 and i wanted to kill myself. and i tried. taking the vicodin i had from my foot surgery, i tried to od but only woke up from it in the middle of the night, devastated that i was still alive. but then i thought, who would take care of kojack, my cat, if i died? he would most certainly be kicked out of my house for his poor use of the litterbox. so i held off trying again. i finally got my drivers license and it stated that my weight was 125 lbs.

i went to my psychiatrist once a month where i rarely received an up in my antidepressants. i was only on 20 mgs of prozac for two years and i struggled heavily. my psych constantly treated me like a child and never really helped me with anything. so i stopped going but my prescriptions continued.

it was probably a mix between the prozac and birth control that made me gain weight. i ballooned to 135 my junior year of high school but i was still active in sports yearround. in november of my junior year, i started dating a close friend who was also a wrestler. we were also sexually exclusive. this boyfriend didn’t have to cut weight nearly as much as my first boyfriend but he didn’t eat. i began to gain muscle and was making a name for myself in athletics, winning all conference recognition in all three sports.

my paternal grandmother ended up passing away from what i think is medical malpractice in november of 2016. i was very close to her. she was my sisters and i’s babysitter growing up and she was always at our sporting events. we had been in buffalo, new york with my mom’s family when we heard the news that she was dying. early in the morning, my mom rushed us back home to ohio, worried that she would die before we got there. we had gotten there in two hours, a record if i had ever seen and she died shortly after we got there. i never went into the room. i saw my mom hold her hand as she took her last breath and my grandpa pacing and crying as she departed. i was shaken. but then i wasn’t. she didn’t die, i was sure of it. i never accepted that she had died becuase she was so prominent in my life. i made jokes about her passing but it never seemed like she died.

the boyfriend ended up breaking up with me after a wrestling meet after ignoring me all day. i was heartbroken but got over myself quicker than the other breakups. there was nothing between us but sex. at this time, i was starting to realize that my first boyfriend raped me, but i don’t want to get into that.

the summer of 2017 was a whirlwind. i was going around, trying to find someone to fill my sexual needs by disguising it and saying i wanted a boyfriend. i was in the best shape of my life. i was healthy and muscular. i ended up fucking one of my best friends and ruining our friendship right before my senior year started but i wasn’t too bothered by it.

in early september of 2017, i began talking to someone. i had actually met this guy at a cage the elephant concert with drew when he was dating someone else. i honestly thought he was weird and looked way older than he was. he also frequently told me that he loved me despite not really knowing me. either way i was freaked out but decided to give this guy a chance because of mutual interests. we started dating in late september of 2017 and i had never been happier. we’re still dating to this day and we’re currently living together.

donovan and i ate out frequently our first year of dating. i was taking my antideppressants on and off. i went from 130 lbs to 135 that year because we ate greasy foods, ate out a lot, ate a lot of junk food, and drank a lot of pop. i was ignorant to my weight gain but noticed it a bit once my last season of softball rolled around. i had committed to my college for soccer but wanted to play softball still because i loved it and was good at it. my uniform pants felt tighter.

it didn’t look like i had gained weight under clothes. i still fit in jeans i wore through freshman year but my stomach had definitely gained mass. i noticed this when we took a trip to the beach in late may and donovan took pictures of me. but i wasn’t bothered.

over the summer of 2018, i managed to take that mass off my stomach with soccer workouts to prep me for my upcoming collegiate soccer season. i also got my first job as a hostess which left me hungry because i couldn’t eat on the job. however, this led to binging after work and workouts but i still looked trim.

august came and i moved into college. i was destraught moving away from my friends and family despite being only 20 mins from my hometown. the girls on the soccer team were less than welcoming to me and preseason was hell. i was placed on the reserves because my coach told me freshman year would be a developmental year to get me out of bad habits. i accepted. afterall, he did have an all-conference goalie starting. i worked hard despite not wanting to be there. i lost interest in soccer and started eating more again. my teammates constantly talked about me behind my back and i didn’t feel safe. i also contracted mono for a third time which sat me out of soccer for nearly two weeks. i came back winded and exhausted. even though i was sick, i still went to every home game and practice to support. i played in one last game before my foot joint gave out on me again. i was put in a boot and lost the rest of the season.

i had been in a boot before because of my foot joint since the surgery but something about this was different. anyways, i went up to my coach after the season had ended and announced that i would not be continuing on the soccer team for various reasons including my mental health. he tried to convince me otherwise but i quit. i ended up meeting with the lacrosse coach and joining that team instead. lacrosse seemed fun and it would be a challenge for me to pick up a sport i never played.

but i was gaining weight. the scale never showed but again, my stomach became prominent and chubbier because i was eating. in december, i went to a different nurse practicioner to get on meds again. the np would end up changing my meds every month and i would be put on four different antidepressants before my sophmore year of college.

between soccer and lacrosse, i began lifting more and running less. i wasn’t concerned with my endurance because it always seemed to be with me despite sickness and injuries. i put on muscle in my legs and arms and my stomach managed to slim down again before lacrosse started. by the time my freshman season of lacrosse started, i could cradle and pass decently for someone who had never played before but i couldn’t catch so my coach put me on defense to avoid me having to catch a pass.

once lacrosse ended in late april, i didn’t want to put on any weight so i began running. i started running a mile everyday through the summer which turned into a mile and a half everyday to two miles. i ran two miles almost everyday over the summer to keep in shape. i was also switching and adding meds and going to therapy as well. by the time my sophomore year of college rolled around, i was on klonopin, abilify, cymbalta, and strattera/vyvanse.

i maintained 135 lbs throughout these couple of years despite med changes and birth control. my sophomore year of lacrosse was going to be my breakout year because i had spent so much time improving my skills. sophomore year started out great. fallball was fantastic. i had taken leaps and bounds in improvement since april. i love lacrosse and wanted to be better than i was the day before.

in late october, i went to sleep with a stomachache that i dismissed as gas pains. i woke up frequently in pain and just thought i had to poop. going to the bathroom did not alleviate the pain. the pain had also shifted to the right side of my stomach. so i did some googling and saw that my symptoms mirrored a burst appendix. so i woke up donovan and we drove to the hospital at 3 am. through testing and scans, the doctors told me my appendix was imflamed and would need to be taken out before it burst. so later that afternoon, i received my second surgery.

after the surgery, i was extremely bloated from the air they had to pump into my stomach for the procedure. i was sure it was going to go away with walking and other techniques to get it out. it never did. i started lifting with the lacrosse team a week and a half later and followed up with my surgeon two weeks after the surgery. he weighed me and i weighed a whopping 140 lbs. i was shocked but brushed it off as i had all my clothes on and a jacket.

then i got home and weighed myself. 140. it couldn’t be. i had never weighed that much in my entire life. how did one surgery cause me to gain five pounds? i became obsessive over my weight going into november. i started working out five days a week instead of three but my weight never changed. going into december i started eating less but my weight fluctuated between 140 and 137 frequently. i ran more disntance and put more effort into lifting. i was constantly breaking down into tears because i just wanted to be skinny again. donovan tried to assure me that i was still skinny and looked great but i knew i didn’t. i looked gross and pudgy.

i started wearing baggier clothes and set up times where i would stop eating. 9 pm seemed like a realistic time to cut off eating so i did that. around christmastime, i contracted mono again and lost my appetite. because of this, i lost five pounds. i was estatic. finally, after two months of fretting about being 140, i was back at 135lbs. but then i was at 133lbs, then 132lbs before i realized that i hadn’t been this low in weight since high school.

so i started schedule eating once this semester rolled around. tiktok was giving me ideas to restrict calories and to fast and other borderline eating disorder ideas. i complied. i eat at noon, again at dinnertime which has to be later than 6pm, and then a snack before 9pm. by january, i was under 130lbs, which i hadn’t seen since sophomore year of high school. i was so happy and proud of myself. with running everyday and restricting the times that i ate, i had lost ten pounds in two months,

lacrosse came in late january and we weren’t doing as much conditioning as we had the previous year. i was worried that this would make me gain weight so i ran before practices some days and after practices on others. my weight dropped again to 125lbs, my goal, the weight my drivers license stated.

i was so happy i hit my goal but then i realized, what if i kept going? if it’s this easy, why stop here? i didn’t want to gain the weight back that i lost. plus everyone was saying how great i looked because i lost weight. tiktok videos came up encouraging me to lose weight. i weighed myself twice a day to see progress. my new psychiatrist and therapist weren’t keen on this and warned me to ditch the scale before this escalated into a fullblown eating disorder. i ignored them. i want to be skinnier, i want to look and feel great. i don’t want to be the weight that i used to be.

recently i downloaded myfitnesspal to track calories and calories that i burn with workouts. it says i should consume 1,390 calories a day if i want to lose a pound a week. with the workouts that i do, it wants me to eat more. i’ve been sticking around and eating no more than 1,000 calories a day with its frequent warnings of unhealthy weightloss. and maybe i’ve been lying to it because my weight sometimes fluctuates which i hate. i almost cried the other night because my weight was 124 lbs. my lowest so far has been 120lbs. donovan and my therapist are the only ones who know about my struggles with eating. my relationship with food has become dangerous. i hate eating and dread when the scheduled time to eat comes around. i hate the person i’ve become and at the same time, i don’t want to stop this habit.

[webcricket]

Looking Glass

Chapter 22 - The Devil Made Me Do It

Pairing: CastielXAU!Reader

Word Count: 2031

Summary: Non-explicit references to sexy times. A timeless moment between Cas and the reader is rudely interrupted by a trickster archangel and the impending closure of the rift. Cas isn’t leaving anything to chance when it comes to getting the reader home safe, but with Lucifer in the mix, the seraph is in for a bumpy ride.

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Low rising rays of sunlight caress the cracked glass of the windshield; beams catch the cuts of crystal, sheeting you and the angel tucked together in the backseat of a derelict Volkswagen beneath a beige blanket of trench coat in a glinting shower of gold. Gaze trained toward the wakening yellow world beyond the glazed glass, dawn light reflecting in his blues, Cas lifts his cheek from where it rests upon a pillow of passion-tangled hair to peer at the sleep-limp form cradled in his arms. He admires the softness of your slumbering features, lines of tension smoothed away save for the hint of a contented smile dimpling the corner of your mouth; lips stained deeply pink and crease-roughened from his kisses part slightly in regular shallow exhalation.

The angel would happily stay here holding you, like this, forever. Well, perhaps not exactly here.

Nearby, penetrating the cocoon of comfort, the school bus engine squeals and cranks to life; the motor’s steady purr thrums the otherwise still morning atmosphere, initiating a throng of motion in the resistance encampment.

It’s time to go.

Cas traces the pad of a finger across the tranquil stretch of flesh above your brow, murmuring your name in a low note to gently rouse you.

The skin stirs in a swirl beneath the tip; a sigh of reluctance – resonating a few loosely strung syllables of complaint in ceding to consciousness – flares your nostrils at the disturbance of your seraphim-induced serenity.

Snagging your jaw with a hooked forefinger to bend your aspect upward, he whispers a kiss of apology over the trembling landscape of plush pouting lips, answering the aversion contained in the incoherent moan with a soothing sentiment of, “Wake, my love.”

The words arouse an aching echo of the night’s pleasures in weary limbs. Yawning, you reflexively curl closer to the celestial warmth of his vessel, the cool caress of the cabin air over bared breasts as the drape of his coat drags downward going unnoticed in the balmy heat of his embrace. Liberating your lovingly caught chin with a squirm, you bury a burgeoning Cheshire cat grin into the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. “Mornin’, my angel,” you mumble against the cloth.

The arm encasing your waist circles tighter, he brushes a smiling kiss to your forehead and closes his eyes. Maybe you can squander just a few more minutes cherishing the moment; this closeness – the intimacy shared – it feels so very right to a being accustomed to everything he touches going wrong. Despite the doubt creeping in that in his experience good always comes at a cost of bad to maintain a cosmic balance, gratitude glistens his lid fettered lashes – surely he has given enough and you exist as his equilibrium.

Knuckles sharply thwack the window where Cas’ shoulder leans. A pair of sparkling amber orbs looms outside, staring in at your starting figures within; smug amusement simmers in the shine, incapacitating the scolding seriousness otherwise comprising Gabriel’s attempted scowl. “Rise and shine, lovebirds. The bus is leaving. Like, literally.”

“We-we’re coming,” Cas stutters, fidgeting fingers focused on protecting your modesty from Gabe’s prowling gaze.

“So I heard. I’m pretty sure everyone heard. Was that five or six times? Cause a few of us started taking bets – I’ve got a cool grand riding on the orgasmic advantages of angelic endurance.” The archangel crooks a brow askance.

Cas’ countenance reddens at the disclosure. In retrospect, he can’t deny having gotten carnally carried away, garnering immense satisfaction at hearing you scream his name and losing himself, gutturally growling, resetting your delight-devastated nerves with a sweep of grace and redoubling his efforts to increase the deafening decibel of your pleasure each time you came undone.

Reaching across your blushingly silenced seraph, you smack a warning palm to the glass. “Scram!” you squeeze the demand between gritted teeth, clenched not in anger, but to subdue a snicker over the fact that, senses submerged in ecstasy, you completely lost the capacity to count; you’re not even sure how, or when, you came to occupy in the car.

“Fine, fine. I’d tell you not to get your panties in a twist, but-” Waggling his eyebrows, Gabe raises a familiar and hastily discarded satin garment into view – the skimpy lace-trimmed number entirely impractical in nature for navigating the ruins of an apocalypse but perfectly tailored to accentuate feminine wiles definitely belongs to you. Satisfied by the crimson hue of surprise hotly shading his brother’s cheeks and yours, he straightens, nonchalantly secures the forsaken unmentionable in a pocket for God only knows what reason, and conceals a smirk with the turn of his torso.

You sit up, shivering in sudden notice of the brisk temperature, fishing at your feet for anything to cover your naked body.

Cas follows, chasing the lost contact to lay his lips on the goose-prickled canvas of your back as he fastens the buttons of his shirt and re-knots his tie; the muscles move beneath his lips as you search for clothes. “Gabriel can be-”

“A real prick?” you offer, finding your rumpled tee, jacket, bra, and jeans in the foot well. You assume the missing boots are somewhere in the vicinity, the archangel’s pockets not being large enough to swallow those.

“Yes. I do believe that is an apt descriptor.” Cas noses the point of your shoulder, relinquishing the spot of skin to help you shimmy the shirt over your head.

The engine of the bus guns, fueling the fury of your fingers to slide denim up cramped legs, a final call to hop on the life raft to a new world. “C’mon, Let’s go!”

Cas pushes the creaky-hinged door wide, stands, stuffs his shirt into his trousers, secures the zipper and unlatched buckle of his belt, and stoops pick up the pair of boots beside the deflated rot-rubber of the rear tire.

You swing out your legs, squinting against the brightness of an unusually unclouded sky, trade him the trench coat for the boots, and stick your sockless feet into the leather soles, not bothering with the laces.

Cas thrusts out a hand to help you up.

Accepting the chivalrous aid, you fall in step alongside the seraph. He snugs his fingers to secure you close, wordlessly indicating his intent not to let go until you are safe and home.

“Cas! Just in time,” Dean shouts, seeing your approach; the hunter’s attention flits briefly to the entwined hands swinging between you and the angel. He spares a fleeting smile. As far as he’s concerned the development calls for a freaking celebration replete with champagne, but now and here are neither the time nor place. His ephemeral gladness dissolves. “You two, on the bus with Lucifer. Mom’s in the back, Bobby’s on point, and I need your eyes up front, got it?”

Cas nods, the gravity of what Dean is asking for abundantly clear – he wants Cas watching the devil for signs of danger, not the road.

“Good,” Dean rasps, “we got one chance and less than two hours.” He leaves the remainder unsaid – the endless number of variables that could go wrong and get them all dead, or worse.

The sinew of Cas’ grip stiffens as Lucifer meanders past, the devil’s arm affectionately arranged across Jack’s shoulders and a self-satisfied grin creasing his cheeks as he casts a smug glance backward at a trailing Sam.

You rub reassurance up and down the angel’s arm.

“What happened?” Cas asks in a hushed tone as Sam sidles up.

“Don’t ask,” Sam mutters, his mouth pressed into a thin and pale strip.

As the boy and his father part ways, Dean ushers the Nephilim into the Jeep to ride alongside Gabe. Bow-legs clambering into the driver’s seat, the elder Winchester gestures for you all to quit standing around and get moving.

Cas strides forward, pivoting to look into your eyes as you cover the short distance to the bus. Whatever happiness lit the lines of his stoic aspect before is smothered again by solemnity. “No matter what happens, don’t let go,” he says.

“Okay,” you agree. You squeeze his hand, a clasp so firm your own fingers tingle and if he were human he’d be imploring, Mercy! With the cinch, you include a prayer. ‘You either.’

Never, he thinks, pausing at the bus’s door. “And don’t-” His emphasis and his eyes roll backward to indicate Lucifer.

Satan is smiling, drumming to some song only he can hear on the steering wheel.

“Don’t let him get under your skin,” Cas finishes, shifting to push you up the stairs ahead of him.

You slip into the seat directly behind the devil, near enough to make out each strand of unruly dirty blond hair lidding his vessel’s scalp.

“Heya bro!” Lucifer flashes a sinister smile and winks as Cas ascends to join you. “If the trailer’s rockin’ don’t come knockin,’ eh?”

Cas merely squints in response to the provocation. He perches beside you, setting a palm on your thigh.

Lucifer shifts the bus into gear, accelerating the straining diesel machinery into a steady lurch on a rigid and unforgiving suspension into the whirlwind of dust kicked up by the Jeep. Silence not being the devil’s strength, he lowers his voice to a reflective octave, observing, “Don’t think I don’t know what you were doing out there all night, Castiel.” Having possessed Cas and cohabited his vessel, he knows precisely how to push the seraph’s buttons to incite a reaction and maximize pain.

The taper of Cas’ lids intensifies. He rises to the bait, snorting, “And what is it you think I was doing?”

Lucifer’s spine relaxes into the seat, confident, contemplating aloud, “I get it, you’re jealous of the bond I have with my son. I don’t blame you for wanting to sow some wild oats of your own. Fatherhood’s a pretty sweet deal.” It’s a rich assumption, suggesting Cas is simply using you as a surrogate to gestate a Nephilim. It illustrates Lucifer’s total dismissal of all emotion entering a given equation save that which is self-serving. It would never occur to him in a billion years that Cas loves you.

You lay your palm over where Cas’ claims your thigh to ensure him you don’t give any credence to what Lucifer says.

Ignoring his advice to you on the subject, Cas sasses back, “I’m not envious of what you think exists between you and Jack. Which, by the way, is nothing.” In a roundabout way he’s doing as Dean asked – keeping Lucifer distracted, even if it is at his personal expense.

“Sure you aren’t, Casanova,” Lucifer swallows a chortle, charges around a curve of road a little too quickly and careens the passengers against the windows and into the aisle. Cas cushions you with his body, bracing himself on the post and simultaneously snagging Bobby by the coat collar to prevent him from vacating the open threshold by centrifugal force.

“Sorry!” Looking over his shoulder, Lucifer gesticulates a disingenuous wave of apology. “Sorry folks, won’t happen again.” Mildly disappointed to see Mary’s outline still obstinately occupying the rear door. He takes the next turn equally as fast and would slam on the brakes to ensure success if the bus actually had them.

“Hey, asshat!” You smack the back of Lucifer’s head, inciting not a smart sting of pain, but a scorch upon his pride. The choice of insult emerges as pure coincidence, for Cas hasn’t told you the story of Stull Cemetery and their stand there against Lucifer, yet. Steadying Bobby, the seraph is too late to stop you from saying more. “I suggest you keep your mind off Cas’ love life and keep your eyes on the road.”

If not for a single word in the middle of the statement – love – and the boundless possibilities of pain it contains for how he could use it against Castiel, the devil would’ve snapped his twitching fingers then and there to dissolve you, molecule by molecule, into human soup and considered in epic poetry. Instead, he lifts his foot off the accelerator to coast around the bend ahead, gets a good look at you by adjusting the wobbling rearview mirror, and sneers.

Next: Ch. 23 - Begin the Begin

[yaz-the-spaz]

Get to know me tag

Tagged by the lovely @ziamflowers thanks so much for the tag babe! :)

How tall are you? 5′0″

What color are your eyes? brown

Do you wear contacts and/or glasses? glasses (no contacts cause I'm very averse to things going in or anywhere near my eyes/eyeballs)

Do you wear braces? used to. thank god that's over. (*war flashbacks to high school*)

What is your fashion style? ideally if I had the money I would love to go full 80′s cause I just love that style and always have but alas I am poor so it's mostly just a mix of things that kind of emulate that style--like leggings or washed out jeans with oversized shirts/sweaters--with some contemporary stuff thrown in here and there (and when I'm feeling real lazy which is a big percentage of the time basically just jeans and a comfy t-shirt lol)

When were you born? ′93

How old are you? 24

Do you have any siblings? two brothers, two sisters

What school/college do you go to? used to go to umbc (university of maryland, baltimore county - it’s a mouthful but nobody ever knows what it is unless they’re from the md/baltimore area cause it’s not super well known so i usually end up just saying the whole thing all out loud which is annoying af) but i graduated almost three years ago now

What kind of student are you? was always a pretty good student tbh but just quiet (i.e. almost never wanted to raise my hand/speak in class unless I was fairly sure I had the right answer cause I was so scared of being wrong and the social embarrassment)

What are your favorite subjects? english and history all dayyyyy (and art when I had it but at the schools i went to it was usually only offered as an elective that wasn't available all the time)

What are your favorite movies? indecisive af and can’t choose a favorite anything so not answering this but at least a couple of them, if not more, would probably be something marvel

What are your favorite pastimes? reading and writing, watching shows and movies, hanging out on this godforsaken site

Do you have any regrets? my entire life lol jk but there’s honestly too many to list...not speaking up as much as I should/should have, giving up on things too quickly/easily, obsessing and overanalyzing every little thing people say or do to me/for me, talking too much, not talking enough, saying or doing something stupid, etc. etc. i have a lot of issues okay

What’s your dream job? anything that involves allowing me to work from home and make my own hours, preferably involving writing/editing and/or reading >>> also this will pretty much probs always be my answer to this question

Would you like to get married? yeah someday...sigh...but i’d need a relationship first and who knows if that’ll ever happen lol

Do you want kids? How many? yup. ideally 2 (maybe 3 max), i’ve always wanted twins (either two girls, or a girl and a boy though just my luck i’ll get two boys and have my hands full lmao) so putting that out there in the universe for good vibes

How many countries have you visited? u.s. of a (where i live), cuba, mexico, and the u.k.

What is your scariest dream? idk I don't remember most of my dreams but I also hardly ever have nightmares so my scariest one that i can think of atm is not that bad tbh but it had something to do with these funny looking giant toy robots, some were good and trying to help us stay safe and some were bad and were trying to destroy/burn our house and my mom was trapped upstairs where they were starting the fire so i was mostly scared for her cause I was worried she wouldn't be able to get out but she did (the good robots helped her) and it was all fine, rip our house tho lol

Do you have a significant other? lol see above

Put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping put the first 15 songs

(was gonna do this on itunes like i usually do but decided to do it on spotify instead since that would be more accurate as far as the songs i’ve listened to in the last few years since i barely even use itunes anymore lol but anyway here we go):

reflections - misterwives (i don’t even know this song or remember adding it lmao i be adding random songs and then just never listen to them again so there’s probs a few more like that on this list but oh well; i do kinda like the misterwives though they’re cool)

don’t go - kevin ross (such a good song!!!)

worst behavior - drake

we own the night - the wanted

deeper - ella eyre

words - daya

lonesome loser - little river band (idk this one either lol i musta been on a weird country/folk music kick or something idk? like what is this band name lol?)

paper hearts - tori kelly

watch me - stella (who even is this lmao - update: woops just remembered this is carlos santana’s daughter who i found out a few months back does neo-soul/r&b and i went and listened to her album and saved all the songs and then promptly forgot all about it lol smh)

reflection - fifth harmony

memories (part ii) - big sean, john legend

magnets - disclosure, lorde

heatstroke - calvin harris, young thug, pharrell williams, ariana grande (this is such a bop!!!!! i can’t believe i forgot all about this song!)

body moves - dnce

truffle butter - nicki minaj, drake, lil wayne

sorry if you’ve done this already or just don’t wanna, feel free to ignore, but tagging @ohthathurt @waxxbutterfliess @cutie-louis @noshowolfie @wlwharrie @please-dont-freak-out @mcgenjiskid @peachesannndgravy

[rafespeaks]

Do the otp questions for us cause I’m still fuckin hyped that i get to see u in 5 weeks

Pffehehehe ok

1.Who goofs around in the kitchen more?I kinda feel like this would be me? I have a pretty goofy personality.

2. How do they say ‘I love you’ without actually saying it? Ex- “Have you drank any water today?”We send pictures to each other of stuff in stores that we know relates to the other’s interests or an inside joke we have. We draw pictures or write drabbles for each other. We RP just about every day and it feels weird when we’re stuck with nothing to do b/c it’s almost like talking to each other every day & we’re starved for interaction when it doesn’t happen. We make kissey noises at the end of phone calls. We get event Pokemon or breed shinies for each other. We share our music or new interests when we think the other would like what we’re into. Feel free to add anything I forgot. :P

3. What would they marathon?Would’ve been SU but that’s getting bleh......... so musicals and Disney movies? Maybe we could watch some Pokemon movies and bitch about how horrible they are (beCAUSE MY GOD THE VOLCANION MOVIE WAS EVEN WORSE THAN THE GENESECT ONE). Maybe we could do some of the Pokemon anime but there’s a shitton of episodes now & Idk if either of us could stay engaged for long. And I’m not sure there’s any other animated TV series that we’re both into...??

4. What would their wedding song be?Something cheesy that relates to one of the song mixes you made for our RPs I’m sure. So The Sun Will Rise, Come What May, The Call, Never Knew I Needed, I See The Light, Recover, At The Beginning With You, Love Like You, or something to that effect.

5. What is the first memory that they think of, when they think of the funniest moment they had together? Oh jeez... Um... Maybe when we were watching Markiplier together and saw the herb lore meme and you ended up downloading the game and prolonging the meme into our own inside joke? Or the time I was talking about all the different windows in the rooms I used to have and you were just like “Rafe go the fuck to sleep” b/c it was late. Or when we were going on our first date to see When Marnie Was There and we heard sirens and I said “It’s the fun police. Your mom called them.” Or that time we were watching the zoo episodes of SU when they were leaked and we ended up laughing so hard that your mom came in to tell us to quiet down.

6. Who likes to hold the other in their arms?We’re both autistic a f so we can be a little touch averse @ times but when we’re in the both in the mood I’d say we can both do this??

7. Who nuzzles into the other?I like nuzzling......... But again touch averse @ times so...

8. Who kisses the other on the forehead before they go to sleep?Depends on who goes to bed first probably...? But I kinda feel like you’d do it more often. ^///^

9. What position do they fall asleep in when sleeping in the same bed?We haven’t slept in the same bed b/c 1- not much room and 2- you toss & turn a lot so I can’t answer this.

10. Who picks up the kids and/or animals from day care?I’d say both of us? Or maybe me more often in case you’re busy with animation stuff.

[bayareamentalhealth-blog]

Steps to Transforming Emotional Pain

People come to me when emotional pain, for whatever reason, has gotten to a point that it is interfering with daily life and is no longer tolerable. One of the most common questions they ask is “how do I make it stop?” There are a lot of different theories and approaches to therapy. While talking about weekly events that cause pain can provide some temporary relief, my ultimate goal is to help people transform their pain for longer term relief. There is a pattern I have noticed that happens during this process. This blog isn’t a “how to guide” but rather a description of what happens in therapy. Hopefully it will give you hope for your own journey — healing happens!

1. Resource: When you are in emotional pain it feels like the ground is unsteady under your feet. It’s kind of like there has been an earthquake (or more likely a series of earthquakes) and there are cracks in the foundation. Resourcing is about building that foundation back up so you can withstand the little earthquakes in your life without crumbling. What does resourcing mean exactly? It’s about identifying resources within yourself or in your environment that make you feel safe, nurtured and loved. Resources can be favorite memories, a person you love or who made you feel loved, an image of a place that makes you feel safe, favorite music, a cozy blanket, pets, spirituality, nature. Resources can be anything really, as long as they make you feel good, warm, comfortable, nurtured, or safe. Some of my resources are memories of my childhood home, memories of my grandmother who passed away when I was a child, memory of my mom doing a cartwheel in a parking lot (it made me laugh and feel happy way back when), a warm hug from a friend or family member, my cats, and certain songs that make me smile. We pay attention to the pain we feel because it’s intense. Resourcing changes your perspective to focusing on the things that make you feel better. It’s not simple affirmations, but intentional, mindful, deep experiences of feeling good. Resourcing is being mindful of the good, and unmindful of the worries. One of my favorite exercises to help access resources is the Resource Journal. This is not the typical “my diary” type journal, rather it accesses your right brain by using images instead of words. A resource journal is done with unlined pages and you fill it with pleasant images. You can draw in it, doodle with colors that make you happy, or cut images out of magazines and paste them in. I have even seen people write little sayings in their journal — but they key here is to NOT write top to bottom and left to right, but rather in spirals, or bottom up or in some way different than you would usually write something. Resourcing is most effective when it is done in the right brain, which is the area which processes emotions and images, which is why the resource journal can be so effective.

2. Self soothe: The next step is to learn to soothe yourself. It’s harder than it sounds! When we are babies we cannot soothe ourselves and rely on our caregivers (typically mothers) to soothe us by rocking us, holding us, and talking to us in sweet vocal tones. If our parents are anxious or stressed and can’t soothe themselves, then how can they possibly soothe us? And if we don’t get adequately soothed as babies, then we never really learn to do it ourselves. How many of us, in our too busy lives, take time out to do something nice for ourselves? Soothing can be done by activating our senses — sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste and movement. We tend to prefer some senses over others — figure out which senses call to you. For sight you might look at a beautiful flower or tree, or a favorite picture. You might visualize a beautiful place in your memory or just look outside on a sunny day. Anything that is beautiful to you is a potential source of soothing. For hearing you might listen to beautiful music (calming, not so much rock and roll), birds singing, the sound of rain on the roof, the sound of the ocean or the wind. You can get a sound machine to help you with this, or even easier you can download an app on your phone that has a library of sounds that are calming. For touch you might hold a soft pillow in your arms or curl up in a cozy blanket. You might pet a cat or dog, or give your partner a scalp massage (or give yourself one!) Maybe getting into fresh sheets in bed feels good to you, or wrapping yourself in a nice hug. For smell you might notice the scent of a flower or fresh cut grass, or pull out your favorite lotion or a scented candle. I love the smell of tea so I will often use that for self soothing. To soothe using taste, try to mindfully eat a small bite of food — perhaps chocolate or a favorite candy, or maybe a cup of coffee is soothing to you. Again it’s all up to personal preference. Remember, the key here is to really pay attention to the taste, not gobble down comfort food. That might be soothing for a few moments but if it gives you a belly ache, it won’t really do you any good. Movement is one of my favorites. We work hard and then go home and turn into couch potatoes. We forget that our bodies need to move to feel really good. Take a stretch break, or do a little bit of yoga in your living room. Take slow walk and notice each step. The key here is to slow down and really notice each movement. Think of soothing a baby — rocking them back and forth works well, and it works well for us as adults too! We usually want to get others to soothe us, and this is great but it’s not the complete answer. When someone else soothes us with a hug or kind words it’s lovely. But what about when they aren’t around? We have to learn to do this for ourselves too.

3. Feel: Emotions can be intense and they can be scary. You might be scared that if you begin to experience your feelings that they will overwhelm you and take over. The fear of emotions can actually make them worse. A friend of mine likes to say that ignoring emotions is like banishing them to the basement, where they work out and get stronger and stronger until they erupt. There are lots of ways that we bury emotions — eating them away or starving them, becoming over focused on work so that you have no time to think of other things, drinking too much, numbing out to TV or Netflix, compulsive shopping, and so on. There are as may ways to push down emotions as there are people. If you’e been pushing down your emotions for a long time then is really can be overwhelming to start experiencing them so it’s important to do it in small steps. Tell yourself that you will only experience 20% (or whatever feels tolerable) of your feelings. Give yourself a limited amount of time with your feelings, and then go back to whatever distracts you. Imagine or draw out some kind of container with a lid. It can be a box in your closet, a trunk at the bottom of the ocean, a room with a door you can close — whatever appeals to you. You can choose to put your feelings in the container when they threaten to overwhelm you. The key to this working is to come back to the feelings at a later time. Feelings are like a small child — they can be told that mommy’s busy and they need to go play by themselves for a while, but they need to know when mommy will be available again. You can’t put off children or feelings indefinitely. The best way to start experiencing feelings in a safe way is to see a therapist.

4. Express: Once you begin to experience your feelings, the next step is to put words on those feelings. Name your emotions. This can be harder than it sounds and it’s really common to hear people just say “I’m upset”. Upset is not an emotion and is usually either sadness, fear or anger. According to Marsha Linehan we have 10 basic emotions:

Love — passion, caring, affection, attraction, warmth…

Sadness — blue mood, despair, grief, feeling down, hurt, disappointed…

Fear — anxiety, nervousness, panic, terror, shock…

Happiness — joy, elated, excited, content, relieved, eager, pride…

Anger — rage, irritable, grumpy, cranky, aggravated…

Guilt — regret, sorry, remorse…

Shame — embarrassed, humiliated, shy, self conscious…

Disgust — aversion, disdain, dislike, repelled…

Envy — pettiness, bitterness, dissatisfied, longing…

Jealousy — clinging, protective, possessive…

When you are feeling something, ask yourself which category of emotion it fits with. There are many words for each emotion, so don’t limit yourself to the few I’ve listed here. You can write about your feelings and emotions, you can talk to a friend or therapist about them, or you can simply notice and describe what you’re feeling. Just get curious — what am I feeling? How can I tell I’m feeling that? Curiosity will help you get some distance from the emotion so that it’s tolerable and doesn’t overwhelm you. Feeling is not only about emotion. It is about sensation and perception. When you name it and describe it, it looses some if it’s power.

5. Integrate:

“Definition of Integrate: 1: to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole; 2: to unite with something else, to incorporate into a larger unit” — Merriam-Webster Dictionary

The last step and the one that you will work on over and over and over again is to integrate the steps above. Integration is when you put the parts together — resourcing, soothing, feeling and expressing. You may alternate between different steps of the process may times as you work through whatever issues are holding you back. That’s normal.

Healing is not a linear process, it’s cyclical. This blog is an explanation of how the healing process works. For further information please contact me using the form below. I wish you all the best in your healing journey!

Request FREE Consultation

[bloodstained-babyface]

"Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw." ( I LOVE HEATHERS I COULDN'T RESIST )

(Heathers Starter Meme for @daturida ;3C )

 “Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw…..!”

                 That little phrase certainlyoozed Senran’s mood at the current moment. For the first time in the shitty andtragic Mobius strip of her life, she found someone she could relate to…inalmost every single way…and they rejected her. Not to say she was terriblysurprised about it all, no, truthfully she expected it to be this way. And whata fucking load of chuckles it was that another person who she cared aboutselflessly was at risk of being taken away from her in a very different way. Itwas almost comical, and the sort of humor a man about to fry in the electricchair would give a final giggle and a shit over due to the sheer unfortunateirony of it all. It was all too terribly unfair really…and while she had toadmit, her dear Kichi-sama had done some bad things, who the fuck hadn’t?  Her dainty fingers raked through her verylong purple hair that had done as much growing as the rest of her body hadsince her little ‘operation’.

Kanou might have been a depravedsick fuck, but he had given her what she always had wanted ever since shebecame a teenager and had still been forced to ride out the emotional aspectsof puberty in the body of a brat. Now she finally had a ‘normal’ body. Ofcourse vanity’s sake wasn’t the only reason she wanted to change herself. Whileshe admitted she personally liked herself a lot better now that she looked heractual age, being the size of an adult had its advantages. You could protectsomeone important a little better….

And yet if circumstances and abunch of hypocrites would have had it, they’d take away two of her mostcherished people. All for some bullshit idealism that Furuta was achieving in whatshe felt, was a more realistic way. No rational person could have possiblyexpected all ghouls and humans to join hand in hand and fucking sing Kumbayanow did they?! How?! The CCG had made a very successful and bloody venture ofkilling ghouls…and ghouls of course, had no choice but to treat a human beingas livestock at least once every so often to satiate a hunger a hamburger steakcouldn’t.  Donato was so damn right, theworld was positively brimming with hypocrites and the scene in Tokyo was socomical it could honestly have put Gaki No Tsukai out of business.

She had no quarrel with anyone whowanted to see ‘peace’, but really, what the fuck was peace? Wasn’t peace forone side likely to mean the other side would suffer? Like sure, the Goats couldget their little hero’s ending but it was as if they didn’t really care as longas they put a halt to Kichi-sama’s plans. She laughed to herself a little asshe tugged some of her hair that her fingers had a grip on as she ignoredanother headache. Making sure Kichimura was safe wasn’t easy but definitelydoable as she was just too plain stubborn and relentless in her efforts to doeverything she personally could do to keep him safe. Ahhhh how many times had peopleshe known asked why she was ‘defending that bastard’….

‘Fuck I cannot even remember now…how many times did Kaneki or Uta alone askme?…fuck it. Who cares?!  What’s it tothem? My reasons for protecting him are none of their fucking business! My feelings are mine and nobody can changed them! Who thefuck do those shitheads who have a problem with Furuta think they are?! MotherTeresa?! Haaaaaaaah, gag me with a fucking dick! OH PLEEEEEASE!’

She mused to herself in the privacyof her thoughts as she hung around the roof of a reasonably sized apartment buildingthat was located niiiice and close to the main office where she knew Furutaworked. Hmm…how strange…if she thought back long and hard, teehee, Kichi-samadid say she was his favorite fan. Of course, one of his more vocal detractorstold her she was a moron for believing him. That he was just using her for somekind of amusement and that when he got bored of her being around him, he wouldsurely get rid of her like he did to the Ami girl. Ahhh how many times didKaneki dearest tell her all about that one? Tch. What did it matter to Senran,really? It’s not like she was expecting marriage out of him like that stupidass Ami did. Senran truthfully almost felt insulted people thought she even expectedanything out of Kichimura personally.

Like what, did sex guarantee a fucking weddingnow all of a sudden!?!  Who was this naïvestill? Didn’t Ami ever get taught by her mom not to give it up to the firstpretty man who made her feel like she was prettier than Vanna White or someshit? Or at least not till he fucking put a ring on it like Beyonce said?  Ugh how fucking stupid some of these humanswere….At least they got the advantage of doing something like that with someonewho they cared about, a far cry from her own experiences mostly.

“Sorry, but I really had to wake you;See, I decided I must ride you till I break you.‘Cause Heather says I gots to go;You’re my last meal on death row.Shut your mouth and lose them tighty-whities!Come on!Tonight I’m yours,I’m a dead girl walking!”

Sen sang a song to herself as shedanced on the rounded metal safety railing, spinning slowly and skipping withthe sort of daredevil’s grace that would have probably had her dearly departedTatara screaming at her in angry panic for her to stop. She giggled and as shehad her fun, kept a watch and didn’t notice any unusual activity for a whileand eventually came down when she finished. She easily found her way down andwithout any harm or foul, stepping her way to a bench where people could sit and wait for the bus but as usual, shewouldn’t be waiting for a bus. Now she was at ground level and able to makesure no one who wanted to take the only person, who said they saw themselves inher, out of the game. Kichimura was too important to her to let some dickweedwith a Cloud Strife complex take him away.  She blew some of her hair out of her face,revealing the beauty mark underneath her right eye, only to be taken bysurprise by loud squealing. Oh dear…the fucking Kichi-sama Fangirls again…SHIT.And soon she was surrounded by a group of pain in the ass highschool girls, incosplay or wearing fake moles. Wielding their fans with his perfect facepainted on them, they began interrogating why a ‘bimbo’ like her was doing nearthe CCG, and that she looked kinda slutty to be one of their members.

‘’LOOK! She didn’t even draw hermole in the right spot!’’–Said one of them who wore the most low qualitywig she had ever seen. Senran was annoyed just looking at her and hearing herand the rest of those schoolgirls. Ohhhh but then Wig Girl just had to reach outand try to ‘smear the mole off’.

It happened before she evenrealized what she had done.  Senran hadseen red and then as if having a fucking out of body experience, watched as herfist launched forward like a rocket fueled by every repressed emotionaldisturbance she had been feeling lately, and along with her aversion to beingtouched by strangers. She watched it go smashing into the fangirl’s nose withenough force to knock her backwards and cause her to flip backwards, ass overteakettle into a nearby garbage can filled with glass bottles. The other girlsran away screaming about ‘some crazy bitch in ero-lolita clothes and a badattitude that TOTALLY murdered their friend.

               To beFAIR, while she had indeed WRECKED THE SHIT out of this girl’s face,she wasstill alive. Teens were so dramatic, honestly. She could hear angry voicesshouting and saw a police officer approaching and sighed. ‘Well here we fuckinggo again!’

‘’Fuck me gently with a chainsaw indeed…” –She huffed as she ran, her heelstapping wildly against the pavement and turning a corner and had been gratefulfor the traffic coming along with the MOST perfect timing to allow her toRECKLESSLY weave in and out and be lost to the police pursuing her as sherounded a corner of the fence surrounding the CCG, pausing a moment to catchher breath. These boots were made for WALKING, not fleeing the law. That wasfor sure. But at least no one had seen that embarrassing debacle back thereright?

[anotherler]

So I kinda binge-read LQ’s blog for several hours last night and today and I’m still not back up to the most recent post...there is so much material on his blog...bless. It’s been an emotional journey so far. I can’t really put my feelings into words sometimes and I just read some parts of his blog quietly but my notes capture some of it.

It’s a little odd, if you ask me for both aproach the blog from an analytical standpoint but be really emotionally invested at the same time. Without further ado, heres part 3.

Part 1 / 2 / 3

113. LQ gets defensive about his surroundings…that’s a bit of a red flag, isn’t it?

114. Oh shit. Oh shit. We’re getting to the part where I voiceacted some of LQ’s lines HAHaha. I kinda…know these posts too well after reading through them aloud and listening to my own recordings…oh boy. Kinda tempted to try my hand at voiceacting again.

115. LQ first mentions the possibility of him being cursed. He later calls HQ his curse…just saying.

116. FUCK. LQ IS TOO ADORABLE WITH THAT PEN  IN HIS MOUTH. FR ICK

117. LQ is a butt pervert

118. Oh dear…LQ thinks that being himself and being alone is all in one…oh man.

119. LQ really doesn’t think he’s worthy of anything…but I think he’d certainly want to be.

120. This really hurts.

121. LQ has probably been taking medication for mental reasons as well…maybe. I remember he had a box of medication given to him.

122. He claims his mother doesn’t like people acting “abnormal”…possibly another reason why he’s so hard on himself and why he tries to hide and excuse his emotions.

123. Suddenly he’s very pale.

124. FemLQ! Spot the diff

125. Poor LQ…he’s pretty uncomfortable and weirded out…

126. I’m…laughing about Mori leaning in with the askbox for the “dressup as my OC” answer. That’s the icing on the cake. Also LQ looks really good in that outfit.

127. Take a shot everytime LQ says fake it till you make it…but on a more serious note, it’s important to keep a positive mind but not good to ignore a problem when you have one.

128. Well well well. If it isn’t Static Oncie.

129. How can you feel nostalgic if you’re living the mentioned great time? (He’s not)

130. TBH I had a theory that Static Oncie became HQ but that’s…kinda incorrect and correct because it was confirmed to me that they are not the same BUT HQ DID come from LQ’s mind like static Oncie did so Static Oncie, LQ and HQ are all one in the same probably.

131. LQ repeating his opening speech. It never gets old.

132. Here we are at the waking up event by the way. Buckle down, folks.

133. Here is the second time LQ cannot read his monitor. Frankly, he probably only doesn’t read it cause he doesn’t want to.

134. He manages to forget entirely for a whole day.

135. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! SPOOKY GHOST LQ

136. Omg I voiceacted this whole part…gosh that was fun…poor LQ though

137. HEALTHY LQ. MY HEART HRUTS….like………bro even his hands are okay this is too much

138. Oh man. I get it…being healthy caused his mind to work properly and he started to remember…oh shit.

139. Strange static formations…do they have anything to do with anything?

140. …Looks like LQ couldn’t find his Mom.

141. LQ comes back covered in blood and makes expressions like he killed someone…not suspicious at all.

142. Another side note. I’ve been thinking about LQ’s static. And it’s been explained before but it does really aid LQ when it comes to selective reading and not “seeing” certain things…the thing is, The static builds up between him and the viewer so he doesn’t really notice it (at first that is. He sorta sees it as normal for him). Like many other aspects of his blog, the static is a manipulation of what is seen.

143. Main reason why that comes up is cause he’s found Dr. L’s medicine and the static covers up the words on the box he finds it in. At the last panel he covers himself in static and tells everyone to go away.

144. The static formations behind him look like a face and it appears as though hands are resting on him. I’ve mentioned the possibility of it being HQ or static Oncie at some point but I think that generally it’s a manifestation of how he wants someone there with him but he’s alone.

145. LQ’s sticky note clad monitor. Golly. Really hard to read…and he’s pressed his bloody hand onto the monitor at some point too.

146. I wonder if LQ ever did sum up the courage to look back at his blog posts.

147. LQ has a major aversion to being called cute hehe

148. Oh shit it’s the crawling AMV. Shout out to Mori for making me cry when I hear that song. All thanks to LQ. But it was a good idea to make a shitty AMV…I couldn’t be happier tbh :” ) Also confession back when I watched this the first time I didn’t know this song had a…reputation. So I kinda took it seriously LMAO

…okay I’m not done talking about it uh. The song kinda fits???? And probably the reason why I took it so seriously was because of the subject matter at some points. The crawling AMV is a cinematographic masterpiece. Fucking fight me.

149. Merry Christmas from the year 2012

150. Tax evasion: just say two very simple words in the English language; “I forgot.”

151. Is…LQ blocking out his blush with static? He probably is

152. Also looks like theres static rising up from those papers he dropped…interesting.

153. aesthetic: floating things (Christmas cards in this case)

154: So it seems that LQ has in mind not to work for his company and have people under him manage the tasks for him with his directive…makes a degree of sense but then again I don’t know how companies work. Then again, I can’t help but think that LQ doesn’t do that work because he doesn’t feel that he can.

155. For someone so insecure He also sounds rather full of himself sometimes.

156. On a side note this is one of my favorite parts of the blog as well…for LQ trying to show that he’s working and the pretty colours the static and distorted picture make.

157.  Another major thing I give this blog a lot of credit for is how complex it is. I’ve been trying to figure out a few things definitively the whole time I’ve been making these notes but I’m still unsure. Things add up but not everything happens with clear reason. It’s very interesting.

158. The GIF effects on this blog are top notch tbh

159. Did Static Oncie (LQ’s subconscious) know the truth about LQ being an aftermath? Because everything he said could be taken in that context to some degree although it mainly pertains to part of the valley’s destruction. However, everything has been adding up to this moment. And the clues are abundant.

160. The moment at the end where the static goes off is apparently the moment LQ’s hope dies. Er…static oncie, that is. I think about that a lot. Was static Oncie only there because of LQ’s hope that things could change? Static Oncie was there to cryptically remind him of the truth when LQ wouldn’t look back on it. And though he was rather agresive, he definitely isn’t as aggressive as HQ.

161.  The truffula on LQ’s lapel…I used to think it withered but maybe he actually tore it off.

162. In addition, when static Oncie says unless you see spirals in his eyes. Like the motif of the seed.

163. I really like the perspective of his lurkim in these panels

164. At this point…I think LQ has started to starve himself just…generally neglect himself. You can understand why.

165. RIP.

166. swone. BODY ONCE TOLD ME-

167. Honestly Swone why did you think mr mc lives in a lerkim would have a functioning oven. Surely you had some other options…orrr maybe you didn’t okay Swone. Now I’m also lowkey gonna talk about Swone cause he’s visiting.

168. wow….this is awkward. Talk about breaking and entering.

169. I’m FUCKING LAUGHING AT SWONE’S BLUNTNESs. Apparently LQ isn’t so easy to fool.

170. Was Swone prepared to bring his cleaning supplies or does he just bring them everywhere he goes???

171. Off topic again but goddamn if Once-lers are a pack of weirdos. Litterally you have two of them in one room at like, neither of them is the straight man (figuratively and literally most of the time). They’ve kinda all got issues to iron out. And yeah, these two are no exception. Swone is a fucking weirdo.

172. LQ has pretty much remembered all sorts of things and why would he push his memories of Swone away? Yeah these two had probably never met till then.

173. ……….it’s not Christmas.

174. Stove-ler.

175. LQ’s gloves got all torn up as well….he may have also lied about wearing his bandages underneath his gloves cause I can’t see em.  Hard to believe I didn’t notice until now. They don’t get like that till he’s dishevelled…it’s hard to think that maybe he did that to himself…hrm..

176: He mentions he can’t take them off so he’s likely neglected the care of his arms.

177: Probably was something of a nightmare for Swone to navigate around LQ’s house…and LQ himself. No offense but he was definitely gross.

178. The posts without any dialogue can be very powerful.

179. HOPESPLODE (sorry that was…uh…RIP Static Oncie)

180. TIME FOR PAIN (specific to this but applies to a lot of this blog cause there is a lot of hurt feelings)

181: SELF IMAGE QUALITY JSKGLdkl

182. o mg I remember the post about the “do you like the colour of the sky” post I actually watched Mori stream the drawing for it aaaa good times UuU

183. Poor LQ…..

184.  LQ arguing against his own existence because new cgi movies hurt his eyes. I have nothing so say about that just. Think about that for a second.

185. Super high quality-ler spffpfff I love this blog

[demitgibbs]

Screen Queen: Fall 2018

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

For over 30 years, national treasure Fred Rogers welcomed kids who felt different to his “neighborhood.” Maybe you were there, enchanted by the trolley and talking puppets. Maybe you, like me, felt like you didn’t fit in with the other kids, and maybe, again like me, Mr. Rogers made you feel more at home in this big, scary world – for 30 minutes every day during his longtime PBS children’s show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, anyway. Uncertain, divisive times like ours call for another soul-soothing balm, and documentarian Morgan Neville, who rightfully won an Oscar for 20 Feet From Stardom, delivers just that with his Rogers-centered doc Won’t You Be My Neighbor?. Perhaps most surprising to those watching his show as a child: Rogers was a quiet gay and civil rights activist, demonstrated by the casting of gay, black actor François Clemmons, who portrayed Officer Clemmons.

In the doc, Clemmons extols Rogers’ no-barriers-for-love inclusiveness and compassion for everyone, recalling his special bond with Rogers, whom he considered a father figure. Beyond interviews with Neighborhood cast members and Rogers’ kin, as well as archival conversations with Rogers himself, vintage footage dating back to the show’s 1968 premiere is featured, including an early episode with Rogers as his alter-ego cat puppet, Daniel Striped Tiger, expressing through song feelings of inferiority. It’ll wring your eyes dry, but save some tears for the rest of this moving trip down memory lane, a tightly constructed tribute to Rogers’ philosophies on love and kindness for a world still trying to grasp both. Love, Simon You can think Love, Simon isn’t enough because it isn’t. Not yet, anyway. Gay culture has long reveled in queer art-films with niche-queer narratives, where societal pressures befell closeted cowboys in Brokeback Mountain, and where homosexuality and blackness intersected in Moonlight. Comparatively, Love, Simon is one serviceable but slighter-in-scope pop bop. But if you saw it in a theater with crying teens and their crying moms, like I did, then you know the movie’s banality alone – finally, gay people get their John Hughes film – is groundbreaking.

Directed by Greg Berlanti from a script based on 2016’s young-adult bestseller Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, I didn’t expect Love, Simon to deliver high-brow gay cinema – not if its first order of business was to let queerness live in many of the same rom-com conventions as any Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Garner lovefest. And on that same massive level, in wide release on the big screen, where gay teen Simon miserably navigates out-gay life at high school as he searches for “Blue,” an unidentified, closeted schoolmate he’s confided in through an emotionally invested email exchange. The proceedings are richly gay and heartwarming and nostalgic: a Whitney Houston musical number, a shamelessly ’80s-by-way-of-John Hughes sensibility and an affirming tearjerker of a mom speech from Garner herself. I cried lots, and its cathartic sweetness – being the great love story it promised to be – charmed me and the Simon I once was. A deleted scene featuring actor-slash-dreamboat Colton Haynes is among the Blu-ray’s special features, which also includes more deleted scenes, a Berlanti commentary and a book-to-screen featurette. Also Out A Raisin in the Sun Even after Lorraine Hansberry adapted her 1959 play A Raisin in the Sun – the first play by a black woman to be performed on Broadway – for the silver screen, the 1961 film, directed by Daniel Petrie, preserved the theatrical simplicity of the source material. The story’s familial and racial tensions also remained fraught with complications: A money-strapped black family, the Youngers, living in close quarters in the Chicago slums in the 1950s contend with how to best spend a $10,000 life-insurance check – their chance at a fresh start.

That fresh start looks different for single mother and grandmother Lena Younger (Claudia McNeil), her daughter Beneatha (Diana Sands), her son Walter (Sidney Poitier), plus his wife Ruth (Ruby Dee) and their son Travis (Stephen Perry). Tremendous performances – particularly Poitier and McNeil as the family’s willful rock, which she inhabits with true grit and grace – are the touchstones of Hansberry’s moving portrait of a black family hoping to rise above the economic and cultural forces against them, and the firsthand destruction it causes when they can’t. But joy – find it, the film suggests, even if the world won’t let you have it. Criterion Collection’s Blu-ray restoration of the classic gleans an array of well-rounded supplemental material, including interview features with Hansberry and Petrie. Blockers

Here’s what the Blockers trailer tells you: three teenagers are on a mission to get laid on prom night and their parents are freaking out. What it doesn’t tell you is that one of those, Sam (Gideon Adlon), is a closeted lesbian. Cue the supportive dad, Miles (Ike Barinholtz), who suspects his daughter will be the only boy-averse girl of that girlfriend group, while the other parents, Lisa (Leslie Mann) and Mitchell (John Cena), have a parental meltdown and embark on a mad chase to cock-block their kids.

Desperate to shut down their impending sexcapades after decoding a series of suggestive emojis, which is funny because watching parents try to figure out modern-day technology will forever be funny, Lisa, Miles and Mitchell go to raunchy extremes to save their children’s virginity. I laughed plenty at the ridiculous gags (one involving Gina Gershon playing naked Marco Polo with her husband), but what threw me was the film’s sweet, emotional through line, set in motion in the beginning when Mann, perfect in scenes where heart and humor collide, desperately tries to pretend to be OK with her college-bound daughter leaving the nest. Something else to celebrate besides Mann: sex comedies with high schoolers where one just so happens to be a lesbian. Yes and thank you, Hollywood.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/10/18/screen-queen-fall-2018/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/179180151655

[cynthiajayusa]

Screen Queen: Fall 2018

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

For over 30 years, national treasure Fred Rogers welcomed kids who felt different to his “neighborhood.” Maybe you were there, enchanted by the trolley and talking puppets. Maybe you, like me, felt like you didn’t fit in with the other kids, and maybe, again like me, Mr. Rogers made you feel more at home in this big, scary world – for 30 minutes every day during his longtime PBS children’s show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, anyway. Uncertain, divisive times like ours call for another soul-soothing balm, and documentarian Morgan Neville, who rightfully won an Oscar for 20 Feet From Stardom, delivers just that with his Rogers-centered doc Won’t You Be My Neighbor?. Perhaps most surprising to those watching his show as a child: Rogers was a quiet gay and civil rights activist, demonstrated by the casting of gay, black actor François Clemmons, who portrayed Officer Clemmons.

In the doc, Clemmons extols Rogers’ no-barriers-for-love inclusiveness and compassion for everyone, recalling his special bond with Rogers, whom he considered a father figure. Beyond interviews with Neighborhood cast members and Rogers’ kin, as well as archival conversations with Rogers himself, vintage footage dating back to the show’s 1968 premiere is featured, including an early episode with Rogers as his alter-ego cat puppet, Daniel Striped Tiger, expressing through song feelings of inferiority. It’ll wring your eyes dry, but save some tears for the rest of this moving trip down memory lane, a tightly constructed tribute to Rogers’ philosophies on love and kindness for a world still trying to grasp both. Love, Simon You can think Love, Simon isn’t enough because it isn’t. Not yet, anyway. Gay culture has long reveled in queer art-films with niche-queer narratives, where societal pressures befell closeted cowboys in Brokeback Mountain, and where homosexuality and blackness intersected in Moonlight. Comparatively, Love, Simon is one serviceable but slighter-in-scope pop bop. But if you saw it in a theater with crying teens and their crying moms, like I did, then you know the movie’s banality alone – finally, gay people get their John Hughes film – is groundbreaking.

Directed by Greg Berlanti from a script based on 2016’s young-adult bestseller Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, I didn’t expect Love, Simon to deliver high-brow gay cinema – not if its first order of business was to let queerness live in many of the same rom-com conventions as any Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Garner lovefest. And on that same massive level, in wide release on the big screen, where gay teen Simon miserably navigates out-gay life at high school as he searches for “Blue,” an unidentified, closeted schoolmate he’s confided in through an emotionally invested email exchange. The proceedings are richly gay and heartwarming and nostalgic: a Whitney Houston musical number, a shamelessly ’80s-by-way-of-John Hughes sensibility and an affirming tearjerker of a mom speech from Garner herself. I cried lots, and its cathartic sweetness – being the great love story it promised to be – charmed me and the Simon I once was. A deleted scene featuring actor-slash-dreamboat Colton Haynes is among the Blu-ray’s special features, which also includes more deleted scenes, a Berlanti commentary and a book-to-screen featurette. Also Out A Raisin in the Sun Even after Lorraine Hansberry adapted her 1959 play A Raisin in the Sun – the first play by a black woman to be performed on Broadway – for the silver screen, the 1961 film, directed by Daniel Petrie, preserved the theatrical simplicity of the source material. The story’s familial and racial tensions also remained fraught with complications: A money-strapped black family, the Youngers, living in close quarters in the Chicago slums in the 1950s contend with how to best spend a $10,000 life-insurance check – their chance at a fresh start.

That fresh start looks different for single mother and grandmother Lena Younger (Claudia McNeil), her daughter Beneatha (Diana Sands), her son Walter (Sidney Poitier), plus his wife Ruth (Ruby Dee) and their son Travis (Stephen Perry). Tremendous performances – particularly Poitier and McNeil as the family’s willful rock, which she inhabits with true grit and grace – are the touchstones of Hansberry’s moving portrait of a black family hoping to rise above the economic and cultural forces against them, and the firsthand destruction it causes when they can’t. But joy – find it, the film suggests, even if the world won’t let you have it. Criterion Collection’s Blu-ray restoration of the classic gleans an array of well-rounded supplemental material, including interview features with Hansberry and Petrie. Blockers

Here’s what the Blockers trailer tells you: three teenagers are on a mission to get laid on prom night and their parents are freaking out. What it doesn’t tell you is that one of those, Sam (Gideon Adlon), is a closeted lesbian. Cue the supportive dad, Miles (Ike Barinholtz), who suspects his daughter will be the only boy-averse girl of that girlfriend group, while the other parents, Lisa (Leslie Mann) and Mitchell (John Cena), have a parental meltdown and embark on a mad chase to cock-block their kids.

Desperate to shut down their impending sexcapades after decoding a series of suggestive emojis, which is funny because watching parents try to figure out modern-day technology will forever be funny, Lisa, Miles and Mitchell go to raunchy extremes to save their children’s virginity. I laughed plenty at the ridiculous gags (one involving Gina Gershon playing naked Marco Polo with her husband), but what threw me was the film’s sweet, emotional through line, set in motion in the beginning when Mann, perfect in scenes where heart and humor collide, desperately tries to pretend to be OK with her college-bound daughter leaving the nest. Something else to celebrate besides Mann: sex comedies with high schoolers where one just so happens to be a lesbian. Yes and thank you, Hollywood.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/10/18/screen-queen-fall-2018/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2018/10/screen-queen-fall-2018.html