#i have an appointment for some cavities on friday so i will definitely ask him about this

[anotherpapercut]

I don't know what the exact threshold is and I'm sure it's definitely also dependant on individuals but a huge reason why you're supposed to get braces as a kid is because as you get older, your teeth won't shift to fall into place like they're supposed to because your jaw and gums aren't as pliable anymore. I'm not a dentist and I'm not YOUR dentist and I'm obviously not telling you to ignore treatment or whatever because I do not know your situation, but it might be worth it to get a couple different opinions before sinking 7k into a procedure that. Might not even work. I'm only 21 and my dentist straight up said despite my fucked up teeth he would not recommend braces because at my age they just would not help anymore

unfortunately my situation is a little bit different from the typical braces situation. tbh if it was just that my teeth were crooked I wouldn't even given a shit. basically my baby canines never fell out and the adult ones grew in behind them. the placement makes it super hard to clean them so I have full holes and huge cavities in a couple of them. also apparently your baby teeth just aren't meant to last more than like 10 years so they're far more likely to rot and take your gums with them and cause more issues

so basically I need to have the baby teeth pulled and then have braces bring the adult ones forward because they're set pretty far back. I do want to get a second opinion but I did get a pretty similar answer from Google so idk I might just be doomed :///

[tearsofthemis]

Tears of Themis : Chapter 1 “Social Snobbery” Part 16 [Court Stage]

[Previous Part] | [Masterlist] | [Next Part]

(Wednesday, the court was called to order. I sat in the court waiting room, looking at the memory card that Xue XinRan had handed me, and couldn’t help but feel troubled.)

~~~Flashback~~~

Xue XinRan:

“Grandpa Fang told me before that there was actually a hidden camera inside the kitchen. It was something that Lu HaiYang had suggested for Grandpa Fang to install. It was to make sure that none of the employees slack off, but who would’ve thought… Grandpa Fang wishes for this piece of evidence not to be used in the case unless it’s absolutely necessary. Otherwise, he would feel like he had personally sent Lu HaiYang to prison, and he’ll have to live with a guilty conscience.”

~~~Flashback ends~~~

(In the footage, at 7:32AM on the day of the incident, Lu HaiYang can be clearly seen removing the water pump from the container and dumping Insect Repellent 330 into it. Then, Lu HaiYang seemed to be afraid that the concentration was too high, so he dumped out a portion of the contaminated water and refilled the spring water container with tap water. Then, Lu HaiYang disappears from the footage for several minutes. I’m guessing that’s when he feared the dosage would be too weak to cause a reaction and tampered with the water pump in order to add pesticide in the water chamber. However, this theory can’t be supported with security footage, nor did Fang Yuan see it with his own eyes. The existence of this footage explains why Mr. Fang was so sure that the culprit was Lu HaiYang, yet he did not clean the water pump.)

MC: “Lu HaiYang must have been struggling with his conscience… But in the end, the thirst for monetary success blinded him…”

(Even when I held the incriminating evidence in my hand, I didn’t feel happy. Just then, my phone vibrated as Xia Yan’s text message pops up on the screen.)

MC: “The super detective that helped me with the case can’t make it today? Sigh… I was hoping that he’d get to see the verdict…”

~~~

(Zuo Ran stood in front of the windows in his office, lost in thought. He pulled out his phone and dialed.)

Zuo Ran: “Mo Yi, it’s me. I found a suitable candidate for our investigative group. According to protocol, all we need is for you to administer the psychological assessment.”

Zuo Ran: “...”

Zuo Ran: “I’m discussing work. I don’t need you to concern yourself with my personal matters.”

Zuo Ran: “...”

Zuo Ran: “Mm. I’ll set up an appointment for her to come and see you as soon as possible.”

~~~

▌ Location: Civil Court, 10:00AM

Judge: “‘QingPing Restaurant’s food poisoning settlement case,’ the court is now in session. I call upon the plaintiff’s lawyer to state the litigation request.”

Cai HaoYu: “I, Cai HaoYu, senior associate of Bader Law Firm, will represent the six customers, including Zhang Qiang, who filed a lawsuit against QingPing Restaurant. The third day of this month, on Friday, Zhang Qiang and company dined at QingPing Restaurant for lunch. Due to the restaurant’s negligence in management, the spring water used to cook the sea fish and tofu soup was contaminated, resulting in my clients experiencing abdominal pain and diarrhea, requiring hospital treatment. This incident has not only caused bodily harm to my clients, but also left them with psychological trauma. Since the incident, my clients have lost their love for cuisine and can no longer consume food normally. Therefore, my clients are looking for a settlement of two hundred thousand dollars in damages - per person - from QingPing Restaurant.”

Judge: “Does the defendant disagree with the plaintiff’s statement?

MC: “The defendant for this case, Mr. Fang Yuan, owner of QingPing Restaurant, has entrusted me with full authority to appear in court in his place on the account of illness. The plaintiff’s characterization of this case as a food poisoning case, and that QingPing Restaurant should compensate for damages, is erroneous. This case is not a food poisoning case, but a criminal case of endangering public security by dangerous substance means. Mr. Fang Yuan is not at fault in the case, and is not liable to pay compensation!”

Cai HaoYu: “Is the defendant unable to pay for the settlement? To the extent that this proxy attorney would suggest such nonsense? The qualitative definition of this food poisoning case is supported by the Accident Identification Report issued by the Food Safety Bureau!” ~~~OBJECTION!~~~

MC: “The Accident Identification Report can only prove that the food was contaminated with toxic substances, and is insufficient to justify whether or not this case was caused by malicious, intentional poisoning. This case’s real culprit is MeiWeiKa’s sales manager, Lu HaiYang!”

~~~

Judge: “To the defendant’s proxy attorney, at the moment, Lu HaiYang is unrelated in this case. Please provide evidence to prove his involvement in the poisoning.”

MC: “I will provide sufficient evidence to the jury, I ask the court to summon Lu HaiYang.”

Judge: “Request granted, please summon Lu HaiYang to court.”

Lu HaiYang: “The old man must be crazy, to hop hurdles to try and bite me!”

Cai HaoYu: “Although Lu HaiYang’s language is foul, I believe the defendant’s attorney is attempting to divert attention away from the case proceedings.”

MC: “To start, according to the accident detailed in the Accident Identification Report, the affected customers experienced food poisoning symptoms caused by the ingestion of toxic chemicals found in the pesticide. The pesticides bought by restaurant owner Fang Yuan and his employee for use in the restaurant is the brand ‘Bugger Off’, and is known to be harmless to humans.”

Cai HaoYu: “This is only Fang Yuan’s verbal claim, he could have secretly purchased other harmful substances behind your back.”

~~~OBJECTION!~~~

MC: “Objection! This is not just a verbal claim! The pesticide used to contaminate the water source was obtained by Lu HaiYang, the evidence is…” ▌ [Select receipt for Insect Repellent 330]

MC: “In the restaurant, I found a receipt for an industrial-use pesticide, called Insect Repellent 330. This pesticide is harmful to humans when ingested, but is not severe enough to cause death. Symptoms include abdominal pain and diarrhea, which matches up to the symptoms described in the Accident Identification Report. The bank account used in this transaction is Lu HaiYang’s personal checking account.”

Lu HaiYang: “That’s just your speculation! The receipt would only show a small portion of the bank account number, that is not my account!”

▌ [Select fingerprint on the receipt]

MC: “Harm by using dangerous substances falls under the classification of a criminal case. As long as the evidence is handed over to the prosecutor, it is easy to find out whether or not you made the transaction. Besides that, your fingerprints are on the receipt! How do you explain that, Lu HaiYang!”

Lu HaiYang: “This… even if I bought it, that doesn’t prove that I was the one who poisoned the water! There’s a cockroach infestation at my rental home, I bought it to use to control it. I just dropped it at the restaurant when I was visiting the old man.”

MC: “When you went to see Fang Yuan, what time did you go?”

Lu HaiYang: “Obviously I went after the day of the incident. Us at MeiWeiKa were planning on offering our PR services. I went to see Fang Yuan, because I wanted to help him with his predicament. Who knew he was stingy enough to give up his restaurant’s reputation for the sake of money.”

Cai HaoYu: “I agree. Your excellency, my clients tried to reconcile with Fang Yuan in an attempt to settle the incident out of court, but the other party refused to pay for the damages, escalating the issue into a lawsuit.”

~~~OBJECTION!~~~

MC: “Attorney Cai, the client took the opportunity to blackmail my client in demanding compensation past the legal limit as dictated by the law. Of course my client will refuse to pay the settlement! Lu HaiYang, although you did indeed visit the restaurant to see Fang Yuan, it definitely wasn’t after the incident! Lu HaiYang visited the restaurant before the incident, and he had sufficient time to commit the crime. The evidence is…”

▌ [Select SD card from the restaurant security camera]

MC: “According to the restaurant security footage, on the morning of the incident at 7:28AM, you were caught on camera visiting QingPing Restaurant, and stayed until 7:43AM before you finally left. To add, the security footage can attest to: the spring water being delivered that day at 6:00AM, the restaurant being unattended from 6:00AM to 8:00AM when Fang Yuan and his runner were off procuring foodstuff, and that the waiter did not clock in until 9:00AM. You were in the restaurant alone, and the spring water was already there by the time of your visit. Can you explain why you were at the restaurant then? Why would you stay in an empty restaurant for fifteen minutes?”

Lu HaiYang: “I… I was going to promote our VIP membership to Fang Yuan, but he wasn’t there, so I waited a little. I saw that he wasn’t going to be back for a while, then I left.”

Cai HaoYu: “Your excellency, I believe Lu HaiYang’s reasoning is sound. He is only a hard-working sales associate who works hard for his company.”

~~~OBJECTION!~~~

MC: “Objection! Although his job is hard, all of his hard work was used in immoral ways! The evidence that incriminates Lu HaiYang as the culprit who tampered with the spring water is…”

▌ [Select water pump]

MC: “Lu HaiYang, you did not spend those fifteen minutes idling in the restaurant! The water pump they used to extract spring water from its container was tampered with, and large amounts of 330 residue was found in the cavity of it! To add, your fingerprints were found on the water pump! How can you explain this?”

Lu HaiYang: “I… I was… I was only thirsty, so I used the water pump to grab some drinking water…”

MC: “Then why were your fingerprints found on the inside of the water pump where the 330 was deposited!”

Lu HaiYang: “That…”

MC: “I bet you’re gonna go real quiet now! The pump’s cavity was filled with 330 powder, the Accident Identification Report classification of ‘malpractice’ is fundamentally incorrect! You did so with malicious intent!”

Lu HaiYang: “The water pump wasn’t working right, I just took it apart to take a look!”

MC: “What insolence! The pump is fully functional right now, shall I demonstrate in court for you, right now!?”

Lu HaiYang: “I, I… I don’t have the motive to do something like that! Why would I try to sabotage the restaurant?! When I first moved to Stellis City, I was only a part-time worker fresh out of high school. It was Mr. Fang Yuan who encouraged me to try and study for university entrance exams, and it was thanks to his support that I was able to go to university and try to change my future. I’ve always been thankful for everything that Mr. Fang Yuan has done for me. After I was hired at MeiWeiKa, I only wanted to help promote his restaurant, I have no reason to harm him!”

MC: “Lu HaiYang, you are shameless enough to reverse what’s black and what’s white!”

Judge: “Order in the court. Proxy lawyer, please pay attention to your words. In regards to Lu HaiYang’s claims, do you have evidence to doubt his character?”

Cai HaoYu: “Your excellency, I can see that the proxy attorney is already scrounging for spare change.”

MC: “The proof to show that Lu HaiYang had motive is…” ▌ [Select voice recording from restaurant outburst]

MC: “Last Saturday, when I was at the crime scene undergoing the investigation, Lu HaiYang, you stormed into the restaurant. You admitted that day, that due to your own work stress of not meeting targeted quotas, you had expressed your desire for Fang Yuan to sign on for MeiWeiKa’s PR services. If the restaurant didn't encounter anything serious enough to hurt its flawless reputation, such as an accidental food poisoning incident, why would it require your PR services? Your company hired writers to flood his page with poor reviews, when in reality, Fang Yuan’s restaurant was never impacted by the supposed negative online presence. The restaurant’s physical guestbook is filled with outstanding praise for the cuisine, and a handwritten note is better than a hundred of online fake reviews! So pray tell, who would benefit the most from QingPing Restaurant’s incident? Everything you admitted was recorded on tape; I bet you didn’t even think of that! In this recording, your attitude towards Fang Yuan was cold, insincere, and manipulative!”

Lu HaiYang: “Just because I can’t make a sale, you’re implying that I planted the poison, I disagree!”

Judge: “The recording indeed proves that the relationship between Fang Yuan and Lu HaiYang has soured, but it cannot directly incriminate Lu HaiYang.”

Cai HaoYu: “Proxy attorney, you’ve mentioned previously that Lu HaiYang’s fingerprints were found on the water pump, but were Lu HaiYang’s fingerprints the only ones?”

MC: “On the exterior, in addition to Lu HaiYang’s fingerprints, the other two employees and Fang Yuan’s fingerprints were also located. The existence of their prints are routine, as they will come in contact with the water pump during their job.”

~~~Opponent Objection!~~~

Cai HaoYu: “Then you cannot eliminate the other two employees as suspects in tampering with the water pump. They can deposit the pesticide powder into the pump’s cavity, with the use of other tools, then they will not leave fingerprints inside the pump. If this is the case, then the restaurant will face heavier repercussions. Proxy attorney, I see that you’re just shooting yourself in the foot.”

Judge: “It seems that although suspicions toward Lu HaiYang is warranted, there is still a lack of conclusive evidence to prove that he is indeed guilty.”

MC: (Should I use the security footage from the kitchen?) (I looked toward the gallery where Zuo Ran and Xue XinRan sat. Zuo Ran watched me with a calm state. In practice, the moment a lawyer steps into court, we shouldn’t be swayed by our emotions. But I couldn't ignore how red Xue XinRan’s eyes were. Behind the physical evidence of the security footage lies the story of an old man’s internal struggles.)

MC: (In Mr. Fang’s heart, even if Lu HaiYang has done many unexcusable things, he still sees it as if he were to incriminate his own son, considering how similar Lu HaiYang looks like Mr. Fang’s outstanding late son. If Lu HaiYang ends up convicted, Mr. Fang will be heartbroken… so I should…)

▌ [Select to show the kitchen security footage]

MC: “I… have another piece of evidence to show to the court. Lu HaiYang, when you used to work for Fang Yuan, you voiced your concerns about employees slacking off, and you helped Fang Yuan install a concealed camera in the kitchen. Do you have any recollection of this?”

Lu HaiYang: “Y-you… No way…”

MC: “When you were younger, you strived to give it your all in order to be accepted into university. When you were younger, you still held respect for Fang Yuan, and you were always looking out for his best interests. So remember this, your guilty verdict today in court isn’t because of Mr. Fang, isn’t because of me, but it is because of the kind and upright Lu HaiYang years ago!”

(I handed the judge the recording. Lu HaiYang could be clearly seen in the act, pouring in the pesticide and contaminating the spring water. There was no more room for him to try and bluff his way out of it.)

(Fang Yuan stood up from the gallery. When he arrived at the courtroom unbeknownst to me, he looked over the proceedings and sighed.)

Judge: “Lu HaiYang, what do you have to add in order to explain yourself?”

Lu HaiYang: “I’m… I’m not… Your excellency, I did not act out of my own volition, I was forced to do it! The company forced me to do it. All the seniors that came before me, they resorted to these tactics too! You can’t just convict me. If you must, you gotta convict them all!”

Judge: “Lu HaiYang, may the court believe that this is your admission to the crime of poisoning?”

Lu HaiYang: “!!!”

Judge: “The court decrees! The plaintiff Zhang Qiang and the six other customers suing defendant QingPing Restaurant on the account of food poisoning caused by misoperation, after the court proceedings, I declare the nature of the case has changed significantly. The court hereby pronounces the plaintiff’s request for compensation as rejected. The amount, and whether or not the defendant will be required to pay settlement for the damages ensued, will be retried after the relevant criminal trial has ended. Bailiffs, please take Lu HaiYang into custody and to be transferred to the proper law enforcement segment.”

Lu HaiYang: “Fang Yuan! You can’t do this, how could you harm me like this!”

(Lu HaiYang attempted to shake off the two officers in order to rush toward Fang Yuan in the gallery, but he was restrained by the bailiffs. Xue XinRan and Zuo Ran stood on Fang Yuan’s side, preventing Lu HaiYang from harming him. After seeing Lu HaiYang in this state, Fang Yuan started to cry.)

Fang Yuan: “You’re… past the point of saving! It’s my fault, I should have locked you up at home and forbade you from going to work. Then, perhaps we wouldn’t be here today…”

(Fang Yuan shook Xue XinRan’s hand off of his shoulder, turned, and left.)

Cai HaoYu: “Wh-what… I lost to some junior associate from Themis?! I don’t believe it. As if it wasn’t bad enough losing to Zuo Ran!”

Judge: “This court is adjourned. All rise!”

-------

[Previous Part] | [Masterlist] | [Next Part]

——- 

《CREDIT》 Translator: @humi-and-co​ Editor: @hallowsivy 《未定事件簿》Tears of Themis is a 2020 Chinese otome game by 米哈游Mihoyo. All original credits go to 米哈游Mihoyo.

《 VOICE ACTORS 》 Zuo Ran | Zhao Lu: https://weibo.com/mzhaolu Xue XinRan | V17-Su Wan: https://weibo.com/u/2925530143 Fang Yuan | Zhao Yang Lu HaiYang | Zhang Pei: https://weibo.com/u/1937059462 Cai HaoYu | Peng XiaoPang: https://weibo.com/u/5646280912

——-

Behind The Scenes:  White(Humi), Blue(Ivy)

Ivy: The lawyer from Bader’s CV’s pen name (I think) is 鹏小胖, where 小胖 means little chubby (in a cute way like how you’d call a baby chubby/cute >_< it doesn’t translate well) Anyway, it suits him so well ahaha ~~ so uwu with the little baby fat (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*) .｡.:*♡

[scandinaviacroatiaengbergs]

Friday and Saturday: More Zadar

On Friday morning, I woke up with a bit of a sore throat, but I think that was attributable to the air conditioning unit in the bedroom that we’re sleeping in. Sometimes refrigerated air units, like in a hotel room, make it so that I wake up with a sore throat. So, I did sleep in a bit, to see if I could shake that off. Eric got the kids all ready to go to the beach and they took off to the sun, the sand, and the water. I followed after them by about an hour. I had some emails to catch up on and I just wanted to relax with my tea and some quiet, haha. Once I met up with them at the beach, Rowan was really busy making a sand tower and he worked on that periodically throughout much of the day. Cece is really interested in making her “mud mix”: she wades a little ways out in the water and she bring buckets of water back to where she’s set up shop. She fills her little sand molds with her “mud mix,” when it’s just the perfect consistency, as if she's working on a recipe. In fact, Eric and I were served a variety of “cookies” that were made out of this magical mud mix. During the morning at the beach Friday, we visited with the Austrians a bit more and they brought our kids tropical juices twice during the day, because they are staying at the all-inclusive resort just over the hedge and could just pop over there and get them!  Our kids were sooooo grateful to them for that and slurped those drinks down in like 30 seconds flat.  They never consume anything so quickly.  So, the Austrians are a family of four, with the two kids -- little boys-- and the mom, Eva, is pregnant with a third, a little girl due in November. They live in Graz, and Eva had studied in the U.S., in New Jersey, during a year of college, and her sister actually studied in Albuquerque! Eva even said that she noticed that the way we said “water” was a telltale sign of being from New Mexico, which we thought was an interesting remark! In the mid-morning, the kids and I walked down around the coast to another little part of the beach where there was another little ice cream and hamburger restaurant there, which Rowan strongly affirmed that he was going to eat at, and he pointed out what he wanted to get on their menu, which was a calamari and french fry meal, and I asked him if he knew what calamari was, and he said it actually didn’t matter if he liked that or not because he was really just interested in the french fries. We went back to the apartment for lunch and the kids played inside for a little while (with the pattern blocks Rowan’s teacher Ms. Ellington gave him last Fall and he still loves to play with, and Cece does too). I made them both lay down for a little bit, but I wasn't intending on making Cece actually have a nap but she did fall asleep, at which point I took Rowan back to the beach and Eric stayed back at the apartment and rested while she slept. He said it was very hard to get her to wake up and she was very angry about being woken up, but at that point it was about 4:30, and that was really pretty late to still be sleeping. Once they did get to the beach, Cece laid on my lap for another good 15 minutes before she felt perky enough to go play with her mud mix again and then go swimming with me and then Daddy. We hung out with the Austrians a little bit more and then it was about 7 p.m. and we went to the restaurant we ate at on the first night, right adjacent to the beach. We had pretty much the same meal again, but this time, we switched up the salads just a bit (Rowan ordered a caprese salad for himself) and I ordered the kids a Pago strawberry juice drink, and they were in heaven with that.  It was really delicious. So, in sum, Friday was a pretty uneventful day, mostly spent at the beach. Now it’s Saturday and it was forecast to be periodically rainy and cloudy, and right now, as I am sitting at the beach, it is actually sprinkling on me and the clouds are dark blue, full of rain, but the kids are still happily playing away at the seaside, collecting rocks and making big towers, which thy are also caking with sand. It’s a pretty elaborate process. We spent the morning in the Old Town and it was cloudy when we got there, so it didn’t feel quite so hot and didn’t have the intense humidity quality of feeling like we were baking on bricks as we were making our way through the narrow, stone streets. The clouds eventually cleared, and then, alas, it was pretty hot again. We went to the open air market and bought 1kg of cherries (since, big tears!, we missed the cherry harvest of my parents’ tree this year, with this trip!!).  We also bought the kids each a pastry (Cece: apricot; Rowan: apple) and I actually bought a pair of shoes, so everyone won :) We spent about 3 hours in Old Town and Eric and Rowan actually got into the water near the Sea Organ, partially to investigate how it worked and made sound, but they weren't able to conclude exactly how it worked, other than that there are cavities in the wall under the water that the current of the water pushes up against, making sound that emits out of air holes up on the sidewalk part, which you can peek into, which many kids were doing. There is a video in the link above, so it will make more sense. It definitely made an interesting sound! Rowan and Eric also looked against the wall down under the water as they were swimming to check out the muscles and sea urchins and some fish; they had a pretty good time and were glad to have a respite from the heat in the cool blue water for a little while. Cece did not want to go in, as it turned out, though she said for a while that she did. After the swimming spell and sea-organ-listening experience, we eventually made our way back to our car and drove back to the part of Zadar where our Airbnb is; we parked, took some things up to the apartment, I took a couple Tylenol because my scapula is still killing me, and we went to a very late lunch, at about 3 p.m. We walked a little bit around the road just in front of the beach where we have been spending our time, and just a few buildings down the road, across from the marina, there is a really nice restaurant that we checked out today for this late lunch; I can’t remember the name right now and can’t find it on the map!  Now, this restaurant is not quite the kind of place we usually take two kiddos for lunch – or even to dinner, or us to dinner, haha—but it was so good and we were starving, and my mood would’ve fallen apart had we not eaten soon.  So, we sat on the second floor that looked right out over the boats in the marina – so many of them! The food was so delicious and Eric and I sampled a traditional Croatian liqueur, maraschino cherry, and the kids split a risotto with zucchini and shrimp, and I got some Romanian gnocchi and grilled vegetables.  Eric got a salad with tuna and we also got a pizza that everyone shared.  We have leftovers that should hold us through dinner! It was a really nice atmosphere and I'm glad we got to spend some time at such a nicely appointed and delicious restaurant. Now we're spending a somewhat drizzly afternoon on the beach, and I'm not sure how long exactly we will last, given the weather. Tomorrow morning, we're leaving Zadar and driving to Plitvice Lakes National Park  and perhaps from there we will add on our visit to Badovinci in the late afternoon or evening, and if not then, we will do a day-trip from Zagreb on Monday. Badovinci is the town that my grandmother’s mother came from, and according to my cousin and his wife, there's nothing there anymore but the church and the graveyard, but we definitely are going to make a trip there. And then after our Monday in Zagreb, we fly to London on Tuesday. I can't believe the strip is winding down. It's amazing how quickly 3 weeks can pass by!

I will post pictures from today in a separate post!

[happy2bmyownboss]

I was looking back through my posts to see when our last update was and if you don’t include A Series of Unexpected Events, Part 2, and Part 3 then I believe it would’ve been Life Update: A Jacuzzi, A Boy’s Night out, And Why We Don’t ‘Do’ Halloween which seems like it was forever ago.

Monday

I know last week I posted 35+ Freezer Meals In One Day! where I did give a couple of updates like Ms. Bella’s birthday:

And then Nanny J also had a birthday where we made her a cute little gift out of items that we had:

A cute teddy bear made from a Norwex Body Cloth, some lotion samples, and a bracelet. In that post I also had some of our budding photographer’s shots… he really loves taking pictures of animals. If you haven’t checked out my Norwex site you should probably go ahead and do that NOW. Make sure to sign up for my newsletter because there are a TON of great sales coming up!

That night we had one of our freezer meals, Ham & Cheese Potato Bake. It was soo good! I got the top a little extra brown and that was Mr. Awesome’s favorite part. We had leftovers for lunch the next day and I had enough for my lunch the day after too! This one is definitely going on repeat for our menu!

The FULL MOON seems to make everything and everyone so crazy around here. I can’t even begin to tell you what happened. A couple of the kids were CRAZY and WILD and Momma was just about to pull her hair out! I do have a post coming up about Lunar Influence.

Tuesday

I don’t remember much of Tuesday except that I was busy trying to figure out where to put all of those freezer meals and I was fighting with the internet. I ended up on the phone with customer service and on chat for 5-6 hours that day BEFORE they finally agreed to send someone out.

The tech came out late in the evening and with the time change, it was getting DARK really fast. He didn’t see any problem at first and was about to give us his personal number so we could call him when it was acting up when it CRASHED again. He found so many errors he said he honestly didn’t know how we even had any internet service at all.

Since it was dark already he said he would come back the next day, if that was OK.

We had some fried pork chops, mashed potatoes, and green beans for dinner that night. Mr. Awesome had been complaining that he missed having fried foods so I made an exception. There were no LEFTOVERS!

Wednesday

We pulled out some of the  Baked Oatmeal Applesauce Muffins for breakfast. Everyone loved them but they suggested that we need to add some raisins to them the next time make them!

The tech returned and again he found numerous errors… more than he had ever anticipated. He was tracing the errors here and there when he finally decided to just start replacing lines.

It appears that part of the problem was because when the previous lines were installed a couple of years ago the original tech had not taken out or unhooked the old wiring. This causes a back feed and was messing with the signal… all I really know is that it is working much better now.

I have been so much more productive online this week and it feels good to actually be able to get a little work done… it was kind of funny trying to explain to the tech what I do and what I need my internet to do but he kinda seemed to understand. I have been AMAZED to see the increase in my blog traffic and Pinterest views since my productivity has INCREASED… CRAZY!

I also worked on getting all of the freezer meals put into the freezers as they had been in the refrigerators. I didn’t have quite enough room without doing some major reorganization so we ate one of them for dinner, Stuffed Shells.

I didn’t fix any sides but some buttered bread. We still had enough leftovers for lunch the next day. This one will be added to the repeating menu as well! Mr. Awesome just suggested that I add a little more cheese to the top… this was one of the meals where I was running short on cheese. I had planned to add more before baking but hadn’t been to the store again yet.

That’s one way to fix something that causing an issue… eat it!

Thursday

This past Thursday Mr. William had a dentist appointment. He was SUPER anxious because it was a new dentist and he often doesn’t do well with NEW things. I was lucky that Mr. Awesome was able to keep the other kiddos at home so I could FOCUS all of my attention on Mr. William.

He got a bit NERVOUS when they were doing the x-rays but he did fine. His appointment went well and he had NO CAVITIES! He does need to work on his brushing a little bit. We don’t use a ‘traditional toothpaste’ as one of the kids had some issues with Flouride a few years back and switched to this brand. My kids love the lemon flavor!

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Mr. William and I also stopped at the bread store to stock up on a few items. The store was almost completely our of regular loaf bread so we ended up with a lot of wheat bread and just before we finished checking out they had found two loaves of white bread so I grabbed them… sorry folks! After that, we stopped by the post office to pick up a couple of packages. We had some school supplies and some Christmas gifts that had come in. I have probably finished 80-90% of our Christmas shopping although I can’t promise that I’ll be able to find it all if this house doesn’t get here soon!

When we returned home, I made lunch for everyone and sent the kids to their beds for a nap. Everyone has been a little under the weather which has made them super grouchy. This wasn’t the only reason though… we needed to fix the toilet. If the kids were down for naps it would make the job that much easier.

I went to town to grab the parts we needed and when I returned Mr. Awesome and I set to work. The hardest part was to get the bolts off as they were rusted. We ended up using a hacksaw to cut the bolts which was no easy task. Once that was completed we removed the toilet and began to check for the problem… if you follow me on Instagram you probably already know what I found:

Yep, one of the kiddos had indeed flushed part of a hanger down. I managed to fish it out with a coat hanger as it was caught in the bend of the toilet… that was not easy either. We did manage to get everything cleaned out and get the toilet reinstalled well before naptime was over and now we have working toilet again.

The kids were a little worried as they had heard me mention to Mr. Awesome that we needed to clean out the outhouse and get it back in working order… lol. Mr. Awesome did hurt his back during this project so please pray for him!

The bathroom still needs some major work but it will need to wait until we can get moved as we just can’t go without a toilet for the time we need to renovate the bathroom. 

That evening Mr. Awesome surprised me by taking me out to dinner at one of our favorite places, Ballyhoo Grill. We usually just order a few appetizers as our meal because they are so good!

After dinner, we went to one of my favorite stores, Books A Million, and found quite a few interesting books. We also went to Walmart to pick up a few things and then we headed home. While we were out we did see a few things that might make good Christmas gifts as well.

I later found out that something else had been planned for that night but Mr. Awesome’s injury kept him from doing it.

The kids had meatball sandwiches with potato chips for dinner while they were at home with the babysitter. I don’t believe there were any leftovers that night either!

Friday

On Friday my son-in-law graduated from his training and that means he and my daughter will be relocating to Kansas soon! I’m trying not to cry as I think about it. I know we have to let go of them at some point but it never seems to be the right time when it happens… you always seem to want to hang on to them just a little bit more.

This was one of my motivations for posting as many new recipes to the blog as I have. My daughter is ALWAYS asking for recipes and it is so much easier to just make a copy and give it to her but she won’t be that close anymore. Now she can check the blog and print it out… something else I’ve been working on as well… and if she can’t find it then she can let me know what she needs and I’ll get it to her. I‘ll probably also share them on the blog as well.

Here are a few of the recipes I’ve posted recently:

Peanut Butter Cookies

Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies

Watergate Salad

Crockpot Pumpkin Butter

No-Bake Cheesecake with Flavor Variations

One thing that I’ve found, as I’ve been updating the recipes to include a printable link, is that some of the links were not working! I don’t really know how many of them are like that on my blog, and I probably never will know for sure, but that is so FRUSTRATING. If you ever happen to find a broken link please let me know in the comments and I’ll work on getting it fixed ASAP!

We also had a square dance that night. We had a babysitter watch the kiddos as they were still a bit under the weather.

I knew it was going to be a busy day so I had planned ahead and pulled out another freezer meal, Beef Stroganoff. I made some green beans and rolls to go with it.  Apparently, everyone really enjoyed it as there wasn’t much left when we got home and all the rolls were gone. I think there may be enough for two or three lunches left.

We had been expecting to see some dirt for the house come this week but so far NOTHING has appeared. The weather has been a bit NASTY as well so maybe that had a part to play in it?

Saturday

We had planned to go to a big dance on Saturday but some other things came up. Mr. Awesome had to go out of town that morning so I decided to help with a local vendor event, kids in tow, and I had a great time. I did have a little trouble getting everyone dressed that morning though:

We ate some of the loaded breakfast biscuits that morning. They were a hit with all but one of the kids. He ate a banana instead and everyone was happy. We also took some of our PB&Js from the freezer to carry with us for lunch.

I am constantly gathering new ideas for when I can venture out on my own. I really enjoy educating people about Norwex and its mission. I really don’t mind if they don’t buy our products as long as they are learning a little bit about reducing chemicals to improve the quality of their lives and the lives of their family members!

Was taking the kids a good idea? Ehhh… the jury is still out on that one. Some of the kids did really well, one of them was super grumpy, and another was just a MESS. The ones who did really well kept themselves occupied under the table… they pretended to be on a picnic. They all enjoyed looking around the flea market and they got to take their picture with SPONGEBOB!

I also saw some really cute things that I wanted to get but I didn’t… these little snowmen were adorable though:

I completely missed the bears… I might’ve gotten them if I had seen them!

We had still planned on going to the dance that evening but I really wasn’t feeling well and the kids were SUPER GRUMPY! Mr. Awesome got home later than expected and he also wasn’t feeling well so we just decided to stay home because we knew that we had a big day planned for Sunday.

That night we had a simple meal of sweet and sour meatballs with some macaroni and cheese. There are a few leftovers in the fridge… between the beef stroganoff and meatballs I should have lunch covered for today!

Sunday

Oh man, I woke up feeling MISERABLE. The dog wouldn’t be QUIET and was whining so bad because she doesn’t like to ‘sleep in’. Then it was the kids and all Momma wanted to was SLEEP!

I gave up on my plan and took Ms. Comet for a walk. The good thing about it being so cold is that she gets her business finished quickly. Then I set to work on making some Scrambled Eggs, Cheesy Grits, and toast. I just had a cup of Dandy Morning Coffee and a couple of Ibuprofen.

Shortly after sitting for a while our doorbell rang… guess who it was?

It was big sister, Ana, and her husband, Cody! We had plans to visit the MOSH as one last family outing before they leave. This month they had an astronaut exhibit which the kids really enjoyed. We also got there just in time for an animal talk and everyone got to pet a bearded lizard. Here is a quick slideshow of some of the things that we saw and did:

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After the MOSH we went to visit a couple of my sisters… that’s where things went a little crazy. My one sister lives in a gated subdivision so it took us a minute to get in. When we got to her house she wasn’t there. She called me and ended up having me check her windows to see if any were open… well, I found one that was cracked open a tad and she told me to climb in!

She assured me that it was going to be OK even though I was afraid I’d set off an alarm and be swarmed with cops. After discussing all of the possible outcomes I decided, I should go ahead and just do it as it was pretty cold outside. When I was midway through the window one of my daughters came around the corner… yeah, probably not the best parenting moment for your kid to watch you breaking into a house! When I told big sis Olivia what I had done she didn’t believe me… lol.

I did get inside and unlocked the door, no cops came, and we ended up having a pretty good time. The kids love playing with their cousins and us sisters love running our mouths and catching up. We even added another sister through video chat… lol.

We had a dinner of sauteed veggies, baked spaghetti squash with alfredo sauce, baked chicken breast, and some garlic bread. While it wasn’t a winner with everyone it was pretty good and it was different. I will be trying spaghetti squash again here soon. I think if I put my special spaghetti sauce with it we will get a different reaction.

We had a late night last night and everyone was ready to get home and go to bed. As I am finishing this the kids are still sleeping. I’m feeling a bit under the weather today as I finally gave up fighting this cold last night. I spent the night sitting up in a recliner because that was the only way I could get comfortable and still breathe. As much as I’d love to sit around and jaw with you a bit more, I really think I want to take my hot coffee and snuggle with a blanket for a bit!

I hope you all have a blessed week!

Life Update: A Full Moon, Spongebob, and A B&E (with permission) I was looking back through my posts to see when our last update was and if you don't include…

[cosmosogler]

hnnnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhhhhh

i woke up on time but i didn’t want to do anything so i ended up getting out of the shower late. and then eating breakfast late. i was hungry, and i knew i had to teach for four hours straight, so i made four waffles instead of two. and a pbj, and the rest of my lunch, in the last 5 minutes before i left instead of like 15.

i biked to campus pretty fast... i got to class 1 minute before it started. i did my lecture and stuff and tried to be a lot more active with the matter model. 

they asked another question that stumped me and i’m embarrassed because my notes were wrong too and i had to correct them when i figured it out. i’m embarrassed because it’s a basic physics newton’s laws sort of thing.

i was hung up on why the force on the sensor and the frictional force are always equal even when the block the sensor is attached to is accelerating. i looked up the horse and cart problem and understood it way better... two hours after the students had asked and the new section had started.

it really rustles my jimmies that i can’t make the three sections of exactly equal quality. i feel like i let my students down when i can’t very well explain a concept to them specifically, but i can to the next group!!!

suzanne mentioned today that she has a lot of trouble with basic stuff too, along with jennica, just because we haven’t taken the classes in forever. i did apologize to the students while trying to answer the question- i said i’d been working with energy for so long that forces didn’t really mean anything any more. we don’t even work with any numbers in class basically.

i was so exhausted afterward but i only had a five minute lunch break to shove the entire pbj in my mouth before i had to head over for my psychiatry appointment. i let the doctor prompt me on which information she wanted, but i did have a list of things to talk about in my life in chronological order to keep me on topic. i think it was a productive meeting since i kept it kind of, more organized than if i was just rambling about my childhood for an hour and a half, you know? 

she raised her eyebrows a couple times... especially at the stuff leading up to and just after my heart surgery. i don’t know if i’m too focused on the negatives or what but i really just remember having a pretty bad time social life wise. 

i know one family did come to visit me in the hospital- actually it was a student i didn’t spend a lot of time with. joey. he and his family came to bring me a card and hang out in the common area for a few minutes to see how i was doing. i was hooked up to my iv and i think i had just gotten the drainage tube out so i was on some strong painkillers. mom must have been talking to them. i fell asleep in the wheelchair.

it was too much i guess. the painkillers on top of the effort of keeping up with a conversation while my insides were still putting themselves back in place after getting a garden hose yanked out of my entire chest cavity.

i guess some people care more than they let on. and some people care less. he didn’t really do much to help me out with the bullying that doubled down after i got back. i still reflexively punch people that try to tickle or touch my nerve-damaged side. maybe his parents were more worried than he was. i dunno. it was 15 years ago.

now that i think about it... what the doctor said i should have had, at the hospital and going back to school afterward... i’m really upset. at the time i’d blinked and smiled and said “none of that ever occurred to me.” 

but now i’m really sad. knowing what i didn’t have that should have been provided, i guess. i told her the hospital really was very busy, and that my parents were basically always around so they must have thought i was covered. and i had no idea the school was supposed to, i guess, assign some kind of buddy to make sure i could get around okay? 

i’ve already talked about the wheelchair. 

near the end she said “it sounds like no one’s really been there to support you.” i said “yes.” and showed her my teeth. it wasn’t really a smile. i think she could tell though. wasn’t foolin no one.

she made sure my meds were refilled for the next month. i talked about my grandparents too. on glenn’s side. how nice they were to me. i can’t say how they treated everyone, or even glenn and my uncle don, but the people who attended grandma pearl’s funeral had only the most glowing, actually kind of really sincerely fond memories.

uncle don seems to have had a complicated relationship with his parents. but he loved them enough to take care of them for a very long time after they got old. glenn didn’t. i don’t think i should ask what happened. i know parenting is hard and there’s probably not a perfect way to do it. but there’s... functional ways to do it. and i hope that they were functional parents.

anyway i caught the bus back to the physics building and had sooo much trouble sitting down to actually study. i didn’t want to open anything or even get out my notebook to try some practice problems. i sent danielle at the drc a semi-long email about my academic progress, since i had that midterm on tuesday, and some concerns about the upcoming friday test.

after that i strongarmed jennica into getting dinner with me. we went to subway. she didn’t actually want anything but i figured some exercise might help her settle down, and also it gave suzanne a small break. entropy can get contagious and jennica had been stopping her to look at this or that dress for several minutes. and i appreciated the company. going to subway alone when i’m so exhausted is super awkward. at least with jennica there if i couldn’t make a decision quickly enough i could smile apologetically at the lady behind the counter and say “sorry, i’m hella tired.” and jennica would laugh and the moment would continue.

it ended up not helping jennica that much but it did help me to get some food. 

i think this was after i realized mom never put the 900 dollars back into my bank account. i talked seriously with jennica and taylor about some bank options and how to switch my direct deposit and stuff. they said it’s super easy. i asked one of them to go with me on saturday to make sure i get a good deal. taylor said that wouldn’t be a risk but jennica told me a couple things to watch out for and i think she also agreed to go with me but i’m not 100% sure on that.

anyway, after i ate i was in a much better mood. not a good mood, but a less bad one. i did finally get out my notebook and start... actually taking notes on the textbook. i didn’t get very far at all- i was interrupted- but i felt like it was working for me a little bit. i was trying to take the equations, and finding the main ideas for how we interpret those equations, and then writing that down in my own words. it’s been four hours and i still remember the difference between poisson’s equation and laplace’s equation- even though laplace is just a special case of poisson. i think, if i can identify the most important ideas behind the main equations given in the text, i can write that down and that will help me remember what the hell green’s theorem is or whatever next time it comes up on a test.

i also tried something new after i was interrupted. suzanne had gone to talk about the class with one of the undergrads in the same section and he allowed me to sit in on the session while we worked through practice problems covered in class. 

suzanne made it so much easier though.

the new thing i tried is that i tried to basically repeat what suzanne was saying but in my own words. and i asked questions about what each variable *was*. and if i felt i didn’t understand it well enough i said it again a different way. 

i couldn’t tell if it was slowing her and john down or not. i tried to pull back on the goofs at least. i also talked to john a little bit just trying to identify what it is about the professor’s lectures that has me so lost. and i figured it out!

he takes these practice problems from the book but then generalizes them to include all cases. this turns his math into monstrous entire-blackboard-spanning messes of variables and summations. and he skips important logic steps so it looks even more like a wall of chalk.

suzanne walked us through the simplest cases and then explained how some parts could be expanded to account for harder scenarios. i found that SUPER helpful because it let me point out myself where something could be made more complicated. 

i have a lot of trouble with lectures, but conversations are so much easier. i don’t necessarily remember exact words or phrases but the idea sticks with me a little better. maybe it’s an active listening thing? or a participation thing. i had a good time in discussion-based classes back at villanova too.

i like john though. i hope he likes me enough to let me intrude on his tutoring time again. i felt bad that i was explaining really basic concepts- not to him, but to myself. but he seemed to react as if i was kind of, splainin at him about how image charges worked. 

really it was because i had to remind myself a couple times that they are not actual charges that appear in a grounded plane as a response to a real charge. they are a math thing we use because it’s convenient.

hopefully that helps tomorrow on the test! i think the discussions are starting to help a little more... now that i’m getting less anxious about not getting stuff right away. i mean taylor and jennica give me Looks, sometimes, when i ask for a definition i should probably know by now. i get turned around by the notation kind of easily though, especially when i’m trying to identify the point where i stopped understanding the question. but if Looks are the worst they can do, well, i’ve had worse happen. in this department! with the e&m professor. 

in the conservatory, with a knife.

dated jokes are the best.

anyway i think that is also going to be my good thing about myself for today because i am already running kind of late since mom called and wanted to chat for 10 minutes while i was trying to write. i got my test tomorrow. so i will try to rest now.

[sinrau]

Personal Experience

–Medium

Reid Gan

Everyone is asking how I’m doing and for the most part, I’m just angry at myself. Physically, at the moment, I’m actually fine. But I’m emotionally livid.

I’m angry that I clearly didn’t take the proper precautions, and didn’t take it as seriously as I should have. I’m angry that I’ve put my roommate and close friends in danger. I’m angry that I can’t leave my room without a mask and gloves just to feed my dog or make breakfast.

I’m angry that I’ve done a whole bunch of work on fitness this year just to take at least two weeks to lay down and not do anything. I’m angry that I can’t even go do socially distant activities. I’m angry that others went on spring break and didn’t get sick. Or maybe they did but didn’t bother to get tested because they were asymptomatic.

I’m angry because it’s a complete guessing game as to where I might have gotten it, but it still feels like entirely my fault. I’m angry that I can’t talk about that without feeling selfish.

I’m embarrassed that I got it, honestly. I took my pup for a short walk today (mask and gloves) and I felt like the character in a zombie movie that had been bitten and it was only a matter of time. I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt — it’s like I let everyone down. Truthfully, that’s been the worst part about it, for me.

For that, I’m sorry.

What COVID-19 Feels Like Physically, Thus Far

I should start by saying, I’m a 30-year-old in good health. No medical conditions to speak of, like maybe a cavity. I played sports all my life, and played soccer in college. I’ve continued on with fitness and competition somewhat rigorously. I’m in decent shape and I try to eat healthy meals as often as I can, with the occasional fast food, pizza, or cheeseburger.

On Wednesday, earlier this week, I felt it coming on. I just started to feel like shit — not really a better way to put it. I felt a bit congested and had a headache brewing. I felt really tired, more so than usual, like it wasn’t just the typical 2 P.M. workday slump, but I didn’t know what it was. I do remember hoping that it wasn’t the coronavirus.

I went home and made soup and started treating myself like I was sick already. After eating, I took a hot shower, popped vitamin C and ibuprofen, and bundled up in a hoodie and sweatpants. I’ve found that sweating out a flu and embracing the fever is one of the best ways to get it to break quickly. I’ve become a master of kicking any sickness — I get sick once a year for 24 hours and then it’s over — and was going to approach this the same way.

That night it took me for a ride in waves — I had the chills and then hot flashes. I woke up in puddles of sweat on a couple of different occasions.

In the morning, I called out of work, gave my boss and coworkers the proper warning, and started monitoring my temperature. It was 99.0 when I got out of bed. A little later into Thursday afternoon, it was 99.5, then 99.8.

And suddenly it was 100.9.

My skin started to hurt and I started coughing a bit. Then it would pivot and I would be freezing, literally shaking. It was definitely a fever and definitely a flu.

“My skin started to hurt and I started coughing a bit.“

Friday morning, after sweating it out one more night, I actually felt almost entirely normal.

Today is Sunday, and while I still feel fine, I’ve started to lose my sense of taste and my sense of smell. While I was cooking dinner, I twisted off the top on a jar of minced garlic and took a big whiff. Nothing.

I don’t mean to be overly dramatic by any means. Other than the taste and smell, it’s quite candidly like any other flu I’ve ever had. Don’t get me wrong, it sucked. But for me, it wasn’t the devil knocking at my door. At least not yet.

So far I haven’t had any trouble breathing, my lips haven’t turned blue, and things seem to be returning to normal.

Getting A COVID-19 Test

Thursday, my sickest day, I spent much of it trying to register for a COVID-19 test. The CVS website portal was slow as molasses, and it wouldn’t work. It kept showing me available times and then after I would fill everything out it would tell me that the appointment slot was not available and to choose another time. I did this seven times. This was hell while trying to cope with the sickness.

I knew I needed a COVID test because I needed to warn whoever I may have been in contact with, as well as take the proper precautions moving forward. So I kept trying.

I called the CVS nearest me and they were no help. After a 20 minute hold to speak to the pharmacy (I eventually just drove over there, while on hold — I spoke to someone faster that way), I was told that they can’t see me unless I make an appointment and they can’t make an appointment for me.

The gentleman told me to call CVS corporate and complain that the site was down. It seemed he’d been dealing with this problem every day for months.

“This was hell while trying to cope with the sickness.”

I grabbed a couple of Gatorades and drove home. I was exhausted, so I got in bed around 8:00 P.M.

Friday morning, one of my friends sent me a screenshot-flyer with the names and addresses of the testing sites set up by the county. After unsuccessfully trying three different addresses, I found one in the fourth. The first three were actually occupied by major protests.

The testing site I ended up going to was in a parking lot of some government building. There were a couple of tents, probably seven volunteer workers total, and a long line of cars serpentining through the otherwise empty lot. The workers were blunt and concise, but friendly.

One of them made it a point to reassure each person that it wasn’t the excessively long q-tip test that went viral, and that it’s not painful. I’ll admit I was a bit relieved at that, because going into it, I was scared to have my brain fluid swabbed.

When it was my turn, one of the workers approached my car in what was essentially a hazmat suit. They used a long stick with a claw mechanism to hand me a plastic bag with the materials I would need to perform the test myself. I drove up to the testing station, leaving Claw-Man behind. A nice woman approached my vehicle, also in a hazmat suit, and instructed me on how to administer the test.

Basically, they gave me a long, thin plastic stick with a slightly thicker sponge on the tip — the sponge was maybe one inch in length. I was told to stick it up each nostril, one at a time, until it was uncomfortable and swab it around five times.

She said it should make me want to sneeze. I sneezed both times, after removing it from each nostril. Then I put the stick, sponge-side-down, into a tube filled with some kind of fluid, that I imagine makes it easier to analyze. I sealed the tube, put the materials back in the bag, and handed it back the woman, who grabbed it with her claw. Claw-Woman.

It was not painful. I’ve heard some places are still using the q-tip, and that it can be painful, so I don’t think this is any sort of guarantee. Either way, worth it to know for sure.

The next day, within 24 hours, I got the text that told me my test did, in fact, detect COVID-19.

That text sucked. I already had plans for that evening, assuming that I was fine, mainly because I felt fine.

And then came the guilt.

Dealing With COVID-19 Mentally

The very first thought I had was actually to tell my family, warn my coworkers, and cancel my plans.

After that, I felt really guilty. I have been social distancing to some extent, but had a decent-size circle of friends that I had started to see with some regularity. I missed them and I needed them.

If you’re at all like me, you’ve been preoccupied with a lot of other issues happening, and COVID has kind of taken a backseat. Also, you’ve seen thousands of your friends and your friends’ friends protesting, partying, vacationing, and enjoying some of the newfound freedoms of early openings and more.

It seems like no one is getting sick.

And also, if you’re at all like me, you’ve been tired of social distancing for a while now, and you just want to feel normal again, especially with what’s going on in the world. This is a really scary, weird, sad, and new time for all of us. We all need each other.

I took the current scenario as a sign to be sure to show my friends and loved ones just how much they mean to me. So I wanted to spend time with them. I wanted to hold them. I wanted to soak them up.

But fuck, man.

Now I feel like a jerk. Now I may have just put all of them in danger. As someone who typically feels responsible for my friends’ wellbeing, the guilt that comes with that is unbearable for me.

“…you just want to feel normal again…”

I also realize that any one of them may have given it to me. And that it’s not exactly just my fault. For all we know, I’m just the only one who showed symptoms and was therefore the only one to get tested. Everyone’s just hoping, with blind optimism, that they aren’t carrying it.

Shouldn’t it be mandatory to get tested? If we can administer the tests ourselves, why haven’t we sent testing kits and instructions to every household, and made everyone find out? Why are we just relying on scout’s honor?

It’s a hopeless game to start guessing and trying to figure out how I might have gotten it, what surface I might have touched, etc. So I know I can’t let my mind wander down that path for too long. But then you’re also faced with an actual, legitimate, extra-cautious quarantine, which feels even longer than two weeks given the circumstance and your mind can’t help but take a gander.

My roommate (also my best friend) and I aren’t even seeing each other now, which is a little awkward, but we both know it’s for the best. It’s like we don’t exist. Meanwhile, I’m just in my room in silence, or with music or Netflix, thinking about how I let him down.

I’m particularly aggravated seeing people party on social media now, too. Like how are ya’ll not sick, and I’m in quarantine with COVID? It doesn’t seem fair. Not that I was some stellar example of social distancing myself, but I definitely was more careful than sharing a funnel and doing body shots on a boat.

My mom reminds me that sometimes doing the responsible thing doesn’t come with a reward.

Another aspect of dealing with this mentally is fear.

I’ve heard and read stories about how people get released from the hospital, thinking they’ve handled the coronavirus, and that’s when it rears its head and puts you on your back. It’s a scary virus.

It sort of seemed too easy to me. I actually was convinced that it couldn’t have been the big, bad coronavirus based on how quickly I was over it and felt fine.

So I’m sort of stuck between the ideas of laying down and resting constantly and also trying to remain mildly active. I don’t want to become weaker than the virus is already making me, but I also don’t want to overexert myself. I’ve been taking extra vitamin C to be sure my immune system is in working order, but doesn’t over-respond. I’ve been drinking tons of water and being sure to sanitize and disinfect whatever I can.

Strangely, as of writing this, I feel totally normal.

It’s a very similar vibe to the scene in a horror movie that’s just too calm to be unessential. And then they just cut to a new scene and it turns out everything was literally fine.

It’s like that, every day.

Again, this all may come off as mildly dramatic, especially with a lot of the other horrors that are going on right now. But I’m only trying to depict an accurate image.

I’m sorry this hasn’t been more of a feel-good rendition, so I’ll try to end on a happier note.

Honestly, I actually don’t feel sick at all. And I have been more than grateful for my friends who have reached out to check on me each day. They’re still making all the difference in the world.

So yes, definitely hold and love yours.

But it also wouldn’t hurt to get tested. And please, exercise more caution than you currently are.

–Medium

Reid Gan