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amrv-5 · 10 months ago

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Today (March 13) is (unbelievably) the first birthday of Somewhere to Get To (the first chapter’s post-date, anyway), an anniversary about which I’m still (evidenced by sheer parentheticals-per-sentence rate) trying to decide how to talk (talking about it, by-the-by, because (earnestness…) it is pretty important to me, it turns out, still, one year on. Who could’ve guessed…?). Mostly I’m floored anybody reads the damned thing at all. Long. Absurd reading commitment. Amazing to me people have dedicated some of their time and attention to something I made — and unbelievable to hear on occasion that it’s emotionally connected to people, or impacted them in some way. Such an honor to be party to that sort of connection thru (fan)fiction. Thank you—really!! Wow!!!

And, speaking of connection (pretty personal, and decidedly earnest, musings on the fic/anniversary/my relationship to both under the cut, avoidable if you’d like, you’ve been warned) —

Been rereading some of S2G2, idly, sporadically, as I’ve been considering its first post-iversary. What’s coming to me repeatedly, as I read at a year’s distance, is a strong sense of autobiography—not in terms of event, but in tone, in concern, in most of all a very palpable sense of reckoning with the less-than-ideal that runs through the whole thing. There are some plot beats or details I’d do differently today, and I have a hard time continuing to like the things I make after they take on some distance from me, but (if I can say this about my own silly little fan fiction) I think the urgency of the thing, its emotional intensity and clear desire to try to grab hold of Something (hope? a foundation for belief in others? meaningful good?) remains affecting / effective, or does for me, despite my own work typically striking me poorly.

Long way to say that I’ve found, reading in March 2024, that the thing’s a pretty clear if entirely unintentional record of the things I was thinking about, trying to work into my worldview, trying in some cases to excise from my worldview, things I was looking for or giving in to, and so on, in the months leading up to March 2023. One of those points of concern (transparently) was the strain of loneliness, the value of connection. With a year’s perspective, it’s important to me to say how grateful I am to have found such a welcoming, lovely, friendly, supportive, all-around-brilliant community in the fandom. I owe so much to the kindness and enthusiasm of the wonderfully talented people I’ve met on here, and I can say confidently that a large part of the reason I can read the terrifically lonely thread running through S2G2 and sense a degree of emotional distance from it—still resonant, but not immediate, identically-felt—is because I have made so many friends I value here, who enrich and enliven my days so beautifully…! So thank you all!

And, relatedly: Another central concern of the fic is the difference between happiness and un-sadness, the value and place of each, struggling to help oneself face hard truths and sort of cosmically-ordained and unavoidable suckiness—the repeated stress on how “[t]here were some things a person could fix, and others one had to live with the best they could.”

Without wading into details (because who cares and also the What is unimportant) 2022 thru 2023 was the worst span of time I’ve ever experienced, what I retrospectively have been internally tagging the Lost Year(s)—have not before or since been so profoundly, uninterruptedly depressed. I wrote S2G2 in a frantic little burst from the bottom of a hole I sort of assumed at the time I would not get out of (dramatic!). And obviously the seductiveness of despair is a big focus in the course of the fic, but I’m struck on re-reading how ironclad the thing’s grip on hope (or hope in hopelessness) is—reassertion, continually, that experiences are worth having, that some things are worth sticking around for, and so on.

A year on, I’ve by no means solved the problem or perfected the art of balancing That Which Can Be Fixed against That Which Must Be Lived With, but I can say that the Living With is lately going comparatively so well most days it has not been the Central, All-Consuming Concern of Every Waking Moment—living with, tolerating, carrying, and so on—not even an hourly concern, or much of a conscious one, so much as something to check against, watch for, a diligent quiet awareness and work, when necessary, that has been (knock on wood) getting much easier with time, better life circumstances, and people to be around. Aware how significant that change is, on rereading what I was writing when that fixing-vs-living-with was so crushing it sort of tabula rasa’d my sense of self—meaning, mostly, that I’m unbelievably grateful to feel like somebody real again, and I owe that, too, in no small part to a fandom community that is on the whole so positive to be a part of—made it worth it to write, and try to put something into the world, and express passion for something I loved, and feel that passion reflected back to me when it was most needed.

And from that: just wanted to say, from my point of view a few tentative steps into what is beginning to feel like real and meaningful recovery—it gets better!! At the time of initial composition in late 2022/early 2023, I was trying hard to write hope for a few characters I adored, so I could maybe see it for myself, edgewise (truth thru fiction…?). I heard in the course of posting chapters from people who said that the fic resonated with them, that they related to or saw themselves in how I was writing Hawk or Beej, and drew some degree of comfort or catharsis in reading—wonderful, and I don’t think I could ask for more than to believe maybe some people who felt like I did at the time felt a little better because of something I wrote. and if there’s anything I hope people get out of thinking about S2G2 on this year-iversary it’s that uhh it gets better, and stubborn hope + whimsy + sense of humor + enjoyment of the absurd is ur most powerful tool as a human person probably, and also I’m stupid grateful for and very fond of fandom community, and the friends I’ve been so lucky to make thru this space (much love)!! Thank you for reading—fic, or this weird scrawl on my blog, or both—anyway, thanks! means a lot and always has! have a wednesday treat of some kind + treat urself nice ! who knows how to end these things. Alexa turn off earnestpost. Earnestposting end. Stop Post

#somewhere to get to #S2G2 #on writing #sort of? this is so long. sorry. feeling earnest + retrospective #not quite sure if anybody cares about this sort of thing or angle on it but it felt important to me to express :)#and as always. thanks to all the lovely people ive met in here. u are all so good and make my days so much nicer :) thanks!!!!!

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beartitled · 8 months ago

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Hello there!! I was looking through some of the discord shenanigans posts and I was just wondering if you’re accepting new members?

Hi! Well first of all, glad you enjoyed the comics! It means a lot to know that you enjoyed those silly shenanigans ��️

Sadly I’ve already left the server recently, so can’t really help much 🤷

For ppl curious my rambling, as always, will be under read more👇

As for you question:

the server’s called “TSP creators club”

yes, I believe they still accept new members, you can contact @/kelpiekidd or @/heckinrissa I think (not tagging them, to not disturb them)

They’re mods there, should help with it 🤷

This might sound weird to some ppl bc I was heavily associated with TSPcc

To be frank I wouldn’t be where I am right now, if not TSPcc: I would’ve never stuck with The Stanley Parable for as long as I did, never could’ve met so many wonderful creative people (many of whom are my friends right now)

+the server kick-started my recognition as a creator

For that I’m thankful and still look back at this part of my life with a warm smile

But nothing can last forever

(god I’m saying it like something horrible happened, which is not the case)

Basically

The reasons are mostly the same as why I left the TNP fic*: I’m not active on the server + most of my friends left from there

(*TNP - The Narrative Parable fanfic – a collaborative project involving many other creators and narrators)

So um yea, this might not be enough of a reason

But I will not do a whole comic on “The history of TSP fandom” right 📓🖋️

(oh wait I might actually 😭💥 you will maybe get this joke far in the future)

___________________

I also want to address

Discord Shenanigans aged, quite a lot

I do not regret making those comics, I still like them to this day

But

That content is not something I want to be known for, to me, it’s part of the past

I look back at them as archived memories

They are like an old photo album of sorts 📒

____________________

This does not mean I’m leaving TSP fandom

Want to be clear on that one

I still enjoy the game and the community it built around itself

Yes I still enjoy the fandom, despite meaningless drama in the community that ruins the fun for everyone

(It’s my first fandom I was a part of, I’m biased ok 😈)

‼️ I do not justify any messed up people who are or were in the fandom ‼️

What I’m trying to say that drama/creepy people are just part of any fandom experience honestly

I totally understand people who just don’t want to be a part of the fandom, it’s reasonable and valid. I’ve heard some really messed up stuff, I don’t know the full extent of every situation and don’t want to discuss it. I don’t believe I have the right, nor the information to even mention it. Creeps are not a fandom’s problem, creeps are just a problem.

And if people don’t want to address those situations: do not harass them with questions. If people want to address their experience or thoughts, they will. If they don’t want to start drama/don’t feel comfortable/just simply don’t want to - you should respect their decision. No person is obligated to report anything to the crowd.

On the side note (since I can’t shut up) - Barry

I kinda 👀

I kinda wanna explore him as a character and tell the story I made for him 👀✨

I will make a separate post about him later down the road

But as for now: yes the potential story revolves around tsp + Narratorverse aspects, yes I may abandon that idea bc of how complicated it is, yes I’m talking and overthinking too much - we will get there when we get there ��

So I’m still here, I still care about tsp creators: they do amazing stuff and they are wonderful people

As always sorry for that scroll of text 👉👉 thanks for your time, see you in the next random huge text post 👋

#bear answers #bear text rambling #yay new tag to organise long posts #tsp fandom #tspud fandom #discord shenanigans #discord server #narratorverse

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crescynnt · 20 days ago

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Just listened to Wonderful Tone and 🩶🩶🩶🩶 Solomon's voice is amazing as always.

For old times' sake, I'll be writing translyrics for it and probably revisit the other Obey Me songs I never got the chance to.

. . .

Obey Me was my therapy.

I had first heard of it through the anime (the first season) and thought it was pretty cool. Then I never thought about it again until I found it on my recommendations while I was looking for games to occupy my summer break late 2022 and decided to give the game a shot.

To be honest, it was hard to take seriously at first.

The free Asmo card (the Christmas one) gave me so much second-hand embarrassment whenever it showed up on the screen. The character sprites were so uncanny and don't even get me started on the Surprise Guest stuff. When I said I played it for the story, that was truly it.

The story was fine. It wasn't top-tier writing, but it kept me hooked when I had nothing better to do.

My first two favorites were Levi and Satan because when I joined, they were celebrating HDD.6 with Levi and Satan summons. But that was short-lived, as the moment I was introduced to Solomon (during the Goldie arc), he instantly shot up to #1. The same happened with Belphie. I'll admit, the plot twist with Belphie wasn't much of a twist. I saw his picture in the devils tab and under the devilgrams, and it was pretty obvious there was a seventh brother they were hiding away.

But despite how predictable, how repetitive, how cliched, or cheesy the writing was, it was fun. The developers had fun writing, and I had fun reading the fluffy moments between the brothers. It was honestly a nice retreat from my life.

Soon, it became my main fandom. I wrote character analyses (most of which are lost in my folders and emails) and listened to all of the Otaku FM episodes (I was only on my third year of learning Japanese at the time and Obey Me helped me practice). I met some really great people as part of the fandom. I did so much research on the seven devils, my search history probably made me look like a Satanist or something. Also around that time, I was suffering from a major writing block, and writing about Mammon's misadventures broke me out of it.

Sometime near the end of 2022, I joined an English cover group for the Obey Me songs (I had Belphie). We ended up disbanding due to the leader losing interest, but I had written translyrics for most of the songs by that point. I never ended up doing anything with them, and only just recently posted them on my sideblog.

It was great that I joined during so many major events. The second season of the anime, the new side characters, the new songs (Rock On, Trigger, Take it Easy), the ending of the manga... There was a lot of content to consume. But by the time Nightbringer came out, the game was starting to get tiring. Especially having to start over from scratch and all of the new features (don't get me started about the wonky 3D models) that just made the game a hassle to play. I still stayed for a couple more months for the characters before moving on.

It was just a silly little game. Then why am I crying so much over the loss of it?

Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Barbatos, Diavolo, Luke, Simeon, Solomon...

I'll miss you.

#obey me #wonderful tone #but then it went into a reminiscent rant about my experience with the game #life update #i should sleep

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bragiedfili · 2 months ago

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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers <3🧡

Thank you for this! It’s taken me awhile to think of what to say 😅

1. The two little boys I nanny for. They are my whole world. I’m considered their second mom (they even call me mom and their mom fully embraces it). Starting working for them four years ago literally saved my life when I started. I was going through the toughest time I’ve ever been though and this job came along and it literally picked me up and made me whole (or as whole as I can be) they make me so happy

2. My dog. Even though it’s been three years sines he passed he still makes me happy. I have lots of pictures him on my bedroom wall, a necklace with his face engraved, another necklace with some of his ashes in it sitting on my bedside table so he’s always near me. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think of him and even though it’s still so tough, he always brings a smile to my face whenever I think about him and see his pictures

3. My upcoming trip to New Zealand. Even though it’s a year away it makes me so happy planning it. Yes it’s also super stressful planning but I get so excited looking up new things to go do. I just extended the trip to be half a month now and I get to celebrate Christmas, new years, and my birthday there. Plus I have four tours of hobbiton scheduled haha. It’s very much a Tolkien inspired trip. I’m also debating on if I want to take surfing lessons on my birthday. But right now looking forward to that trip makes me so happy

4. The hobbit. It might sound silly but that book and movie series makes me so happy! I’ve never been able to find a book/movie that I actually like for more than a few months. For some reason I’ve connected to it and it’s one of the very few things that beings me so much joy. It’s changed my life so much since last year when I decided to watch and read it. It’s what’s inspired my New Zealand trip. And I was also going to delete my tumblr (right around the time I first watched the first movie) and I decided to look up the fandom and I’m so glad I did. I’ve met so many amazing people, a best friend, such amazing fan art, fics, I love it. It’s brought me so much happiness

5. My parents and my sisters. My sisters and I will fight like crazy one minute then be best fiends the next but that’s what makes it all worth it. Now that we’re all adult we get along so much better, do more things together, travel together and have the best time. My parents are the best people I know. My mom is one of my best friends and both my parents are the most kindest, selfless people you will ever meet. They make me so happy and so loved. There are times when we get so annoyed with each other and fight (sisters and parents lol) but we also love each other so much and are so loyal

#this was fun to think of!#I don’t get asks so it made me really happy to receive one so thank you 🥹#just a little bit about me

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tampatom12 · 11 months ago

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your top 5 favorite Gronkady moments?

Anon, this question was both extremely easy and also extremely hard to answer!!!!

Each of these moments means so much to me. They define who they are to each other and furthermore, show how much they truly love one another. 🥺🥹🤧💞

But first, before I get into the moments...!!

If you're new here to my blog or to the NFL fandom in general and don't understand the term "Gronkady":

Gronkady is the ship name for Rob "Gronk" Gronkowski and Tom Brady, two people who used to play for the New England Patriots and then the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

As you will see below, their history together is legendary!!

Now, onto the moments themselves. 🤩🥳🔥💯💥

I have decided to start with number five and count backwards to my ultimate Tom and Rob moment.

I also have four other bonus moments in mind that are just as important, but simply didn't make the Top Five overall...let me know if y'all wanna find out what those are!!

So now, without further ado, here are my

Top Five Gronkady Moments!!!!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

5). The first time they met!

Rob has told this story multiple times to a variety of sources over the years and he always tells it the same way:

He was in the locker room, taping up his ankle. Tom came over to him, held out his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Tom."

Instead of saying, "Yeah, I know," or worse, not saying anything at all, Rob said back, "And I'm Rob! Nice to meet you, man!"

This simple interaction between them may not seem like much, but it was the conversation that stated it all, even though at this point, they still had to formally begin building their relationship on and off the field.

✨✨✨

4). Rob's video edit/tribute that he posted back when Tom retired for the first time!

youtube

✨✨✨

This video contains so many wonderful highlights of the public time that they spent together!!

It also features key but underrated moments between them. (Like when Rob says hi to Tom when he's in the parade and is *so* happy that Tom got number six!)

Additionally, it a visual representation of what their bond has been like over the years!

PLUS!!!

The entire thing is set to Queen's "You're My Best Friend"!!!!!

Here it is for you to see for yourself on Rob's Insta page and here it is on YouTube.

(((I highly recommend looking at his caption on the Insta post!! ⬇️)))

✨✨✨

3). The time that they were at a Boston Red Sox game together!

youtube

This short clip is so damn chaotic in the best possible way. It is simply SO. THEM. through and through!!

We also got this amazing photo out of that specific day!! :D🥺🥹🤧😍🥰

✨✨✨

2). BAD BOYS FOR LIFE!!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady)

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One of the things that I think about the most when it comes to iconic couples is how they all seem to have a little catch-phrase that is theirs and theirs alone.

For Tom and Rob, this catch-phrase is Bad Boys for Life.

It all started back in 2019 for the 2018 season after the Patriots won the NFC championship game against the Kansas City Chiefs.

Tom posted this to his Insta page and though I didn't see it when he first posted it because I wasn't at all a fan of his, when I did finally see it, something about it changed me. Them being all showboaty but also silly *and* alone yet together like this is the stuff that fanfics get written about. 💗💓💞

And real quick, just to clarify, "alone yet together" means that they weren't around anyone else in that video but that they were still together as a couple!!

✨Anyway, now that that's cleared up welcome back to the feature presentation!!:✨

So furthermore, the chosen song and it's lyrics are super important for that moment.

Aside from the key one of "Bad Boy for Life", there's also "We ain't goin' nowhere; we can't be stopped now".

Realistically, I know that this is a reference to the entire team and how they all can't be stopped now/aren't going anywhere now that they have won everything except for the Super Bowl at that point.

However, it is worth reading into and noting that Tom and Rob are the only ones who made a video like this.

They could have chosen anyone else to do that with and yet...!!! They decided to exclusivelymake that video with each other. (((Insert the screeching cat emoji, AHHHHHHHH emoji, all the Kermit heart emojis here)))

Not only that, but it is important to me to note that Tom is the one who is holding the phone/camera and is doing the recording. He clearly *wanted* to be in that moment, making a firm memory of his time and opportunity with Rob.

Of course the editing/song part of it all came later, but I don't feel like Tom would have let his social media people choose that song if he didn't feel that it fully fit the moment. He wanted that song to be a part of their legacy just as much as he wanted the world to see them together like how they are within that video.

✨✨AND!!!✨✨

They remade it in 2021!! 🤩🥳🔥💯🙌🏻💞:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady)

instagram

✨✨So now, the moment you all have been waiting for...

Here is my ULTIMATE Gronkady moment!!!✨✨

1). Absolutely everything about them together Tampa!!

As I'm sure all of you can tell based on my url alone, I LOVE the Tampa version of Tom SO MUCH.

I've said this before but I don't care; I'm sayin' it again:

Tom was very much a difference person in Tampa than what he had been in New England. His work ethic and overall beliefs/philosophies were the same, BUT he also began to show the public more of his true, easy-going personality from the moment that he arrived in Tampa. He clearly felt free to have more fun than what he ever had before and he wasn't afraid to show it.

And it's not like he didn't have lots of fun in New England because I know that he did.

But there was just something about him moving to a year-round sunshine-filled climate that set off who he had secretly been all along and who he wanted to be moving forward.

Basically, he still worked hard and had just as much fun in Tampa as what he had in New England, but Tampa offered him up a new chance to be more easy-going and super goofy at times!!

✨All of that having been said, to get back into the Gronkady of it all:✨

As we all (probably) know, Rob retired for the first time in 2019, after he and the Patriots had won the 2019 Super Bowl for the 2018 season. He left New England and went on to do retired football guy things while Tom suffered through one of the Patriots worst years ever.

Now, fast forward to March of 2020. Tom has announced that he's leaving New England and is going to, out of all of the teams within the NFL, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

A month later, in April of 2020, Rob announces that he is officially coming out of retirement to play with Tom on the Buccaneers.

Alright, and now...

This is the part of the story that everyone still isn't so sure about because both men have had conflicting takes on it.

Not conflicting bad, just conflicting in the sense that for some reason, they don't want the public to find out the behind-the-scenes details of what was really said between them.

They want to keep that part of it private/to themselves, and as much as the nosy person in me needs to know what went down for real, I also completely respect them saving a part of this story just for themselves. 🥺🥹🤧💗

All of the above having been said...!!

While the main theory about how they reunited is still up for debate, what many think to have happened is that Tom asked Rob to come back and play with him. Did they have discussions between each other about all of this beforehand? Probably. Will we, the general public, ever know for sure if this was the case? Most likely not.

At the end of the day, the bottom line is this:

Rob was fully in retirement, happy to be free of all of the responsibilities that come with being an active NFL player, when all of a sudden, his non-brother best friend and bad boy partner for life decides to leave New England and head south.

No matter how it happened or what they may or may not talked about before hand, Rob literally came. out. of. retirement (!!!!!!!!!!!) just so that he could play football with Tom again. 🥺🥹😭🤧😍🥰🧡🤍

Why else would he have done that if he wasn't at least a little bit in love with Tom?!

The game had always been very hard on Rob's body; he had so many injuries throughout the first part of his career. 😔😥

By all means, it would have made sense for him to simply stay retired while rooting Tom on from the sidelines.

But he didn't. He wanted to reunite with "the only quarterback he ever wanted to play for" in a place that was far away from New England, both geographically as well as culturally.

Them reuniting in Tampa proves how deep their bond is and how much they admire, trust and respect each other.

Additionally, aside from playing together again, they got to make some extremely cute and fun videos together!!!

This video series are a big reason that got me to see and understand Tom and Rob as more than "Tom Brady (™️)" and "Rob 'GRONK!' Gronkowski".

It is important that they agreed to make this video series in the first place and is a true testament to their commitment to have fun and be free with each other in their new home. 🥺🥹🤧💞

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

So there you have it!!

My Top Five Gronkady Moments!!!! 🤩🥰🥳🔥💯💥🙌🏻💗

I hope that this gives you a good idea of what Tom and Rob are all about and how much they mean to each other!! :D

Also, thank you so much for your patience!!! I received this ask back in November and meant to answer it then but then got distracted by other life things. 😔

I definitely appreciate that you asked about them though, as it has given me an opportunity to talk about some of my favorite people!!! 💞

So once again, thank you, anon!!

We can definitely talk more sometime if you want to!! ☺️

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whumpty-dumpty-doo · 1 month ago

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Omg guys! I've been officially whumping for a whole year!

That's really crazy to think about! I enjoyed whump (and had been writing it as part of larger, non-whump stories) for decades before this blog, but I'll never forget how brain-altering and life changing it was to discover that there was a name for it and a whole community dedicated to it!

I'm so glad to have found whumplr. The challenges and events have helped me to write more and improve upon my craft, it's been a great creative outlet, I've met amazing friends, read some fantastic stories, and overall I'm having a really wonderful time! It always cracks me up how sometimes the people who make and enjoy the most twisted stuff are also some of the sweetest, most kind people. This community is surprisingly one of the most chill, drama-free fandoms I've been a part of over the years.

I don't always feel like I fully fit in with the community at large (I'm not quite sure that I've fully found "my people" or "my corner" of the whump community as a whole yet), but to those who have been kind to me, thank you so much! <3 I know that whump can contain taboo subject matter, and even though I'm in my adult years, I'm still kind of discovering some of that and exploring it for the first time. I really am appreciative of those who are patient while I figure things out, and I wanna thank those who stick around when I share spicer stuff on this blog. It really means a lot to be in a space where I can delve into new (to me) topics without judgment, as I haven't really had that opportunity or safe space much in my life.

Also, a HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to my readers!! I know that the release schedule for "We Are TroubleD" is kind of a nightmare as I jump all over the timeline, but I'm really thankful for those who read my work, enjoy it, reblog, like, comment, or otherwise interact.

I've been working on writing a non-whump book series for a few years now, and while that's been fun, it's one of those things that I have to shut my mouth and keep quiet about until it's done since I want to eventually publish those.

... Not so with my whump series here! It's been so incredible to release entries as I finish them and to see people's reactions to my creative writing. I don't really put my work out for people to read much (spare for one fanfic I wrote almost 10 years ago that I still need to complete...), so this has been very special to me! It's rewarding in a way that writing my books hasn't been yet (because I'm not showing those to anyone until they're fully done!), and again, just thank you so much for encouraging me to keep going! The love and comments motivate me in such a powerful way! I love you guys!

Overall, I'm so happy to be in the whumpsphere! A close friend came to visit me back in the spring, and when I told them about whump I was scared as heck at first, but as I talked about it more, my eyes lit up and I got a lot more excited, animated, and downright chipper. My friend pointed that out to me and said they could see how happy it made me, and I've never forgotten about that.

It's silly, isn't it?! But it's a safe way to explore some dark stuff and to work through emotions. I know that not all whump stories end in triumph, but I'm always a sucker for happy endings, and I hope for the best outcome in everything that I read. I love to see characters coming out of bad and bleak situations as survivors- It gives me hope for the outside world when bad things happen in real life.

I dunno how to end this... but I guess happy whump birthday to me! Thanks for joining me on this strange adventure over the past year, and I hope you stick around for many more years to come! <3

#Deedoo original #whump thoughts #text post #tumblr anniversary #anniversary #deedoo thoughts #deedoo rambles #lol I really am rambly with this post but hey what can ya do

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violettavonviolet · 10 months ago

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1 Million Hits

I'm gonna hit a million hits on my ao3 account next week, which is genuinely just crazy and I've been debating what to do for the occasion for like a month now bc I don't want to be self-absorbed but also it's literally a million(!!!) so I feel like I should celebrate anyways. I haven't come up with anything yet, but just know that I'm literally flabbergasted with all the attention... Like, I garnered 500k+ hits in the last year and it's such a huge compliment lmao

I get sappy rlly easily as u might have noticed, but I'm just astounded really. Especially because I didn't even start learning English until fifth grade. (Which was a terribly long time ago, to be fair)

When I return to some of the oldest fics I've written, I tend to cringe and I've been debating either taking them down or editing them, but I don't know if I ever actually will.

The point is, I love fan fiction, I love the community I've found on here over the years and most of all, I love writing.

(Who knows, one day, I might actually publish a book instead of these silly little stories. That day isn't today, but a girl can dream)

-- this is the point to stop if u don't want to read about my history in fandom spaces, which is apparently what this post is turning into--

I started reading fanfics bc of the German equivalent to buzzfeed were u could do quizzes and get tiny xreader fics as a result. I quickly changed over to German fan fiction.de which was my first real love lmao

The stories also got weirdly popular for the fact that I couldn't do punctuation for shit and I didn't reread my stories bc I was too embarrassed.

What luck that I started learning English pretty quickly and I changed to wattpad, until the fateful day in 2018 when I found my way to ao3 (honestly the best accident that has ever happened in my life)

It took me over a year to even make an account but it definitely changed my life for the better. I've met so many amazing people through challenges and general communities on here and especially during covid I don't know what I would've done without ao3.

I think this is just my love letter to fanfiction at this point. Like genuinely, I love everything about fandom spaces and the culture around it and I love that I can write and get feedback and read (for free, which was actually why I changed from physical books to fanfiction in the first place)

It means that for fandom, I'm actually pretty old, and everyday more people join, which is of course amazing, especially because more people are willing to actually talk about it irl (I'm ngl the first few years being publicly in fandoms was a bit rough lol) I mean, I was active in fandom spaces since what, 2014?? A while.

I've grown up with fandoms and now I'm gonna hit a million in the next week, probably on my flight to London and it all just feels surreal in the best way possible.

So thank you, I guess.

Thank you for fan fiction authors and ao3 and all the spaces where people can just enjoy being people.

this got way longer than intended but I just needed to get this off my chest

#ao3 #I dunno how this turned into such a sap piece #Like that wasn't my intention when I started at all #but yeah #thank you #and if anyone has an idea for a celebration I could do #let me know

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pianostarinwonderland · 3 years ago

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I have a question and I don't know who to ask, so I apologize if this is too weird for you orz. Just like what happens to other people, I met TWST believing that it was an otome because many pages said that it was. The lie bothered me but I still love the game the way it is. The thing is that since I'm in the fandom there are a lot of people who say "I'm happy that twst is not an otome", so my question is: why do people say that? I know it's a matter of taste but sometimes I feel that saying that is as if they hate otome games or that to a certain extent they hate people who fall in love with the characters and make romantic fanfics or fanarts with their MCs. For a while I thought it could be that in most otomes the characters are toxic, the MCs are made very submissive and even silly, and that on many occasions you can't help a character with their problems if you don't follow their route, the complete opposite of TWST. There's also the fact that there are people who generally don't like romance games, but I don't know, I feel like there's something more to it.

Hello! Don't apologize, I actually find your question fascinating.~ I just took long with answering this because thinking of answers took a while.

As someone who has been in this fandom for a while, I'd say there are two reasons why people are very relieved that TWST is not an otome.

Firstly, it is mainly due to the story. Some otome games have really bad stories while other otome games have compelling ones. But many tend to have this storyline where the guy has this character development because of the protagonist, which frankly gives this unrealistic expectation that love, specifically romantic love, will fix you and nothing else would.

However, with TWST, the characters develop not necessarily because of the protagonist. They fall in their pits, either because of themselves or someone else, and they suffer for it. But they also grow from it in different ways, whether it's visible or not. It's not like, "Oh love will fix all your problems." No, your problems don't go away by finding the One, but you have to tackle them yourself. You have to learn from your mistakes, and that takes a lot of time.

Take Leona for example. He's a character who's rather cynical, even speculated to be depressed, due to his upbringing where he was always scorned while his older brother was loved. If this was an otome, Leona's route would have him venting his Tragic Backstory™️ to the player. The player says things like, "You're my king, Leona. I think you're amazing." And somehow, that makes Leona all like, "Okay, I got a lot of work to do to recover, but thank you for loving me," while looking happier than you'd ever see him.

Point is, in an otome, Leona's growth would have only happened because he got a lover in his life. And well, it's awesome to have someone who comes into your life and changes you for the better. A lot of relationships have ended up like that. But it's unrealistic to expect that your true love will come in and solve all your problems because... that's simply not how everything goes. Many problems need to be solved by having the person undergoing through it to make the decision to change and do something about it.

But in the actual story, Leona's character development is more subtle. Does he change for the better? Not exactly. But is he changing? Yes, and subtly so. And that's realistic, because a lot of people don't just change overnight or even in two weeks. Take note as well of the kind of character he is. Leona is the kind of person who isn't so easily shaken up by many things, even something like Overblot, especially when he is established to be a wise character who knows and has seen a lot.

TWST's story not being an otome allows for more flexibility to write deeper relationships. Otomes are made to write dating stories—they have a goal of making the player feel loved (or may immerse the player into a darker romance story, depending on the kind of game it is). Other relationships, especially those between the characters, won't be given as much depth and/or focus as the main relationship between you and the lover.

As an example, let's take Kalim and Jamil. For nearly all his life, Jamil has had to serve Kalim, but he grew very tired of that, to put it simply. It caused him to plan how to overthrow Kalim without being pointed at as the suspect, and we all know how that turned out. However, note that in the end, they didn't totally make up. Many things were left unsaid between them, and they weren't all buddy-buddy with each other. And that's a sign of really good writing. It mirrors real life relationships—when complicated issues arise between you and another person, you won't have your relationship repaired right away. You and the other person will need time to heal and process. With the way the story continues, we may even see a development between Kalim and Jamil, just that it will be very slow, gradual, probably even subtle.

If TWST was an otome, I don't think we'd have relationships written with such complexity. Otomes are meant to put focus on the player; even if any disagreements or conflicts occur, in the end, the player and the love interest will most likely make up and make out. If such disagreements happen between the characters, it might not be explored as much because the focus is meant to be on your romance. TWST's story allows for such deep relationships between characters because they aren't restricted to focus so much on satisfying the player. Yes, they have some degree of fan service, as seen in some of the card lines and lesson lines, but it isn't the main focus.

The second reason is that the current story of TWST allows more room for creativity for fans to imagine what a romance with the boys would be like. The romance genre is so popular in the fandom for this reason. There isn’t a prewritten storyline that makes everyone think, “Oh so this is how they fall for you.” There also isn’t an MC with a specific design or certain personality traits that the boys would love—you can imagine yourself rather than a preset MC being the one having a romance with the character. No need to see an MC with a skin color different from your own, a gender opposite of yours, or a personality trait that is the complete opposite of you, you can imagine the boy(s) loving all of you.

Instead of reading a route that shows how the boys would fall for an MC, fans can imagine how they would fall in love based on the way they interact with characters. Say Azul for example, if he had a canon route, he might have made us sign a contract to go on a date or something. Then he’d end up falling in love with the player for three days because of the power of kindness or something. People would mostly think about that canon story and analyze it, maybe a few OCs with stories differing from the canon. But without that canon route, we can wonder more: “How can Azul fall for me? Maybe we both get into witty arguments all the time and we clown eventually.” And this satisfies players more because they’re not analyzing a relationship between Azul and a person meant to be representing them but may not necessarily be the same as them. They can imagine themselves to be in the relationship more easily. TWST’s story is more immersive that way, which really helps in the fan service department.

It’s likely that many people wouldn’t think of this as the first reason as to why they’re glad TWST is an otome. I’d say the first answer really is the story. But it can’t be denied that more people do get to have more room for imagination as to how the boys can fall in love with them.

#twisted wonderland #twst #azul ashengrotto #leona kingscholar #kalim al asim #jamil viper #ask

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astro-inthestars · 3 years ago

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Adding positivity to the dash! Whats something *you* deem as special about someone in your life you think about? Why is it special?

SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT SOMEONE SPECIAL TO ME?!?!??! YOU'RE ASKING ME THIS????

WELL SHIT BESTIE I MAY BE LATE BUT YOU ASKED THE DARN RIGHT PERSON

AHEM AH E M M MM

Starting off strong!!

@clausgender - Lake Landon Lazuli Phas Claus. Okay but. For real right now you changed my life I really can't specify why and how but you just did. Something special about you is just how... proud you are. Life has thrown shit at you, but you gave no fucks and threw some right back. You're amazing and you've taught me so much. I look up to you. It's kinda funny, you are one of the most human people I know, yet I know you want to be anything but a human being <3 (also everyone else in the chaosites have their own special thing but god knows how long that'll be but just let them know they're all epic and awesome <333)

@brainless-but-thats-all - Bee you are here by default bestie when the Lake is here you must be as well. You are both soul bound. You cannot escape. /hj But seriously you're here because you are also very special to me <333 What I find special about you is your silliness! This is not a surprise <3 You're just a silly guy! No matter what you do, you're just inherently very silly! Your texting habit is silly, your roleplay is silly, and even when you give advice you're silly! Not messing around kinda silly, you're sweet and soft about it. You don't let anything be too serious! It's refreshing ya know? And you and Lake just click, your friendship is really nice to witness :]

@slymanner - Tony bestie I know we just formally got to know each other about two months ago but it already feels like forever burger bro. Something special about you is just how alike we are! Remember we first got a long because we had the same vibes? You remind me of me and it just felt like we were meant to click. But remember, you're more than that to me! You're silly, you're funny, you're kind, and you're chaotic as heck <333 You're awesome. Burger bros against the world!

@joyflameball - Cassie Rose you are awesome and you are an obligatory part of this list *holds you like a cat by the scruff* you cannot escape my positivity and love. Something special about you is how utterly unhinged you are, and yes, it seems I'm very drawn to unhinged people! With all your passions you're just so deranged about them /pos it's inspiring how passionate you are that it makes you want to bite a piece of media and shake it like a chew toy <3

@ghost-vessel - GHOST MY BIG SIB HIIII one of my many online siblings <333 Met you through Deltarune but totally met met you as a person through Omori! What a chance amirite? And I'm glad I did! To me, something special about you is how calm you are! Like, you're easy to talk to... You're super duper chill and just an all around great guy(gnc)! Just random talks with you is really nice, sib!

@just-jammin - JUST JAMMIN LYRIC LYR JAM PRIDEDRAFT X!!! One of the ogs fr <33 I've known em since I first got on Tumblr in the Six the Musical fandom- Yeah weird first Tumblr Fandom don't ask <3 Something special about you to me is how helpful you are! Or moreover how you're always so willing to help. It's not always a good thing to try to help everyone, trust me I know. But either way you still try your best to help! Wherever you end up next is gonna be your call, but I know you'll still be trying to help anyone along the way. Just don't forget to help yourself sometimes, okay? You're worth more than who you help or what you make!

@ayyyyysexual - Void sibestie omg... here is another online sibling of mine <3 ....Actually almost everyone on this list is almost a sibling to me.... huh. Well anyways! VOID OH MY GOD heyyyyy :] my favorite triple A battery (i think?? unless you're demi now because of a certain someone ;)- OKAY I'M GOING) Something special about you is how utterly chaotic you are- HAHA I'M SERIOUS! You're just so chaotic I really can't imagine how'd it be if you weren't! Or how'd it be if I didn't have it in my life! You're a silly little abyss ya know?

@bloop-arts - BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP THEOOOOOOO HAIIII surprise surprise, another sibling! ....I have a lot of siblings that lack a gender. Anyways, Bloopothy....... Paps! Something special about you is your inherent warmth.... And by that I mean your vibes are just so.. warm! It's hard to describe them any way else! You're very kind and bright and you just have this comforting warmth that's very special to me! And I'm sure it's special to a lot of people too! Papapapapap

@borkthemork - Bork.... Borky Bork Bork whose real name is really pretty but I'm still afraid to use! One of the coolest ever.... You didn't think I'd put in BLOOP and not put in the BORK didja??? Nononono my friend! They are a package deal! A duo! Set: Do Not Separate! To me, something special about you is your autism swag! I'm kidding, partially- But in all seriousness its your patience. I would say smarts, your intelligence, your calm and collected attitude, but in the end those all tie into your patience! Your patience with people, your patience with yourself, your patience with understanding others and your own emotions. It's nice...

@cute-as-buttons - SASHA!!! BUTTONS!!! MOOOOMMMM!!! First parent on the list <3 You became my parent out of association with my dad, who is your ex, so you are my ex-step-mom but either way you're still a mom to me <333 Something special about you to me is your sweetness. It seems simple, right? But, you should know that simple things can be beautiful. You have a nice warm energy to you, somewhat akin to Bloop's, but it's certainly catered to your own. Your kindness just makes you seem.... alive. Real. Human. You laugh, you cry, you joke, you smile, you live. It's good.

And now for the general mentions!

@pyroclastic727 @honneibun @maritasdump @ectoplasmic-knife @miraclesprinkles @mira-blue @wormautopsy @generalyunan @ohyoumeanher and everyone else in the Amphibia server, those I missed! You are all so special to me. Though you guys are HUGE and there's a lot of you, you all make me feel at home with your chaos. Your art, your writing, your jokes, your drama, all of it. It's one big frog community and we're all just enjoying where the chemicals in the water are taking us <3

@ask-the-daeu-mod-hub everyone in the utdr askblog fandom, you guys opened me back up to close knit communities after a while of just being in my own bubble.... You were all the gateway, the start of my true freedom. The silly bullshit we all get into, the angst, the lore, the memes- Honestly, you guys changed my life. I was in the Amphibia server before this, but I was honestly still kinda messed up.... you guys really helped. Thank you.

And all my old friends from the beginning of tumblr, @djts-arts @altairtalisman @spooner7308 @san-shui @cryptidmuppet @pandora-dusk my bunfriend, and a lot more. You guys were the real start of it all. Seriously, where would I be without you all? If it weren't for you guys, I probably wouldn't have survived this hellsite. Thanks, for guiding me til I can stand on my own. I'm glad to know that I have a lot of people catching me if I fall though.

#astroanswers #kaibigan kong mahal #lovely rambling #i think this counts as that #DECIDED TO ANSWER ASKS TODAY WHAT A SHOCKER AMIRITE AHAHHAHA #SORRY EVERYONE <3333 #sorry for the @s too but.... positivity was meant to be spread so i WILL spread it

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ghoste-catte · 3 years ago

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I was curious what advice would you give to someone new to writing fics? I've been wanting to get back into it but haven't seriously written something since high school. I hope this isn't an annoying question or anything!

Not an annoying question at all! I'm just a little worried that I won't have terribly good or useful advice. To be honest, I also sort of stopped writing in earnest right as I finished high school, and didn't pick it back up until my late 20s. It's certainly an adjustment! But I think the few things that really helped me get back into writing fic as a hobby and something I spend quite a bit of time on would be:

Write for yourself first, then find your other motivations. My original inspiration in getting back into fic writing was that there just were not that many fics I liked for my favorite pairing, and I wanted more of them, and I especially wanted more with the tropes and characterizations I wanted to see. I think at the very core of anything you need that internal spark that drives you. At the same time, for me at least, if I just relied on my own drive, I would not get much done; I need some external guardrails. So having people send prompts, or writing for particular events, or writing stuff for friends really helps me to get my ass in gear and finish stuff. That may not be the perfect motivator for you, and that's fine! You just gotta figure out what is.

Be open to inspiration. Anything and everything can be spun out into a story with the right tweaking. Obviously stuff like music is a classic inspiration source, but I've also pulled ideas from poetry, from memes, from Reddit threads, from YouTube videos, from rambling conversations on Discord and from real life to make fics out of. So many times, someone will post a silly Twitter screencap, and I'll think, There's a fic in this. And a lot of the time, there is! Research is a wonderful thing, but so is serendipity. If you're out there actively looking for ideas, eventually one that you like will stumble past you.

Find your community. I can genuinely say I never would have finished more than one fic if I didn't have fandom friends to talk to about even stupid headcanons, to bounce ideas off of, and to encourage me (and to encourage them in turn!). Discord has been a godsend, and some of my closest online friends are people I met in the GaaLee discord server. As I've gotten more comfortable as a writer, I've also joined general writing servers and Reddit communities and have found them immensely helpful on both a motivational level (bingos, sprints, owe-me challenges) and on a craft level (plot workshopping and writing ethics and live grammar help). It's a lot easier to think about fic ideas and hash through problem moments when I have a constant stream of fandom-related chatter coming from the little people who live in my phone! Ao3 is an amazing website, and it's great as, well, an archive, but it isn't social media by design. If you want conversation and human connection and cheerleading, you've gotta forge out and find it.

Make it a habit ... If you want to produce anything longer than a couple hundred words, you really have to set aside time for it. And writing is just like knitting or dirt biking or painting little model figurines: the more you do it, the more easily it comes. When I was first getting back into the proper swing of things, I committed myself to 30 minutes of writing per week. Just 30 minutes. I didn't even hit that goal every week, but there were tons of weeks I got on a roll and went over that amount, and by the end of the year I'd written over 200,000 words. I used to spend an hour laboriously tip-tapping out 200 words, but now I can easily blow through 1k in a 50 minute sprint. It's all about training that muscle.

... But don't make it a chore. With fanfic, you aren't doing this as a job, and you aren't ultimately doing it for anyone other than you. That means you can take breaks when you need them, you can set deadlines and then fail to meet them, you can write stuff and then decide to never post it. When you start getting burnt out, when the practice loses the joy and energy, stop. There's no 'hustle' here. In our capitalist society we're so trained to push past our limits and keep going even when it hurts us, but the hobby you do for connection and relaxation and whatever else shouldn't be like that.

Ignore metrics. Sometimes stuff isn't gonna get hits, or kudos, or comments. There are some basic 'rules' as to the stuff that does and doesn't get traction, but every time you post something it's a roll of the dice. If you're focused on watching that kudos counter tick up, you will get bummed out fast. And any writer will tell you that the stuff you think is your best work will never be the stuff that gets the most accolades. So you have to find something else to give you a sense of success. For me, it's watching my wordcount go up in my stats and those occasional comments where someone has a lot to say and that one person who always leaves me a <3 emoji (and, shout out to @egregiousderp, having someone to have long one-on-one conversations with about the stuff that never made it to page).

Don't strive for perfection. It's really easy to want your first ever fic to be a complete showstopper, the best fic fandom has ever seen, hitting all the tropes and the ideas and the characterization that you just know fandom is missing and would be everyone's top favorite if only it was written. This is a trap. No one fic can be all things. Most people who want to write an epic as their very first venture will not see the end of that epic, because they haven't put in the practice hours to make something on that scale work. That's not to say you can't start out with a big, sprawling multichap, just don't expect it to be the greatest thing since sliced bread if you're just starting out, and be okay with abandoning it for greener pastures if you get to that point. Think of the first time someone makes a vase out of clay or bakes a loaf of bread. That's never their best vase or their best bread. If they keep up with it, they'll make more and better vases and loaves. Likewise, your first fic is probably not gonna be your best fic. See it for what it is: your launchpad.

You can't edit an empty page, but you can over-edit a full one. This kind of spins off of #7, but if the words aren't there, you can't fix them. Daydreams and headcanons are fantastic (and god, how many times have I wished for a speech-to-text engine that projected my falling asleep thoughts onto a Google doc for later perusal), but they aren't fic. If you want to write fic, you've gotta get comfortable with the idea of sloppy outlines and rough first drafts. You can't build a house without a frame and you can't build a man without a skeleton (I mean, you can, I guess, but he'd be one floppy man). The nice thing about fic is that it doesn't matter if that frame is structurally unsound or the skeleton has 18 too many bones, you can clean that up in the editing process. But you can't start hanging curtains and arranging furniture in something that doesn't even have walls. That's the process. But! Also know when to set down the editor's pen and say, "Okay, this is good enough for government work", and call it done. ("Done" doesn't have to mean "posted", but it does mean, "I'm done picking at this for now, and I'm gonna go write some more stuff".) Over-editing can make stuff seem laborious and forced, and it prevents you from actually improving. To continue belaboring the house metaphor, you can spend your whole life rearranging furniture in just one room, but the end result of that is a pretty narrow existence and a room with a lot of footprints and tracks in the carpet.

Write shit down. When you have ideas, jot them down--in a notebook, in a Google Doc, in the Notes app of your phone, in pen on the back of your hand. You think you will remember that brilliant line of dialogue or sparkling snippet of narration or genius plot that came to you in a dream, but you Will Not. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down! There have been so many times when a fic was completely saved by past!me having written down my shower thoughts about what happens next in the fic, that present!me had completely forgotten about and was floundering over.

Have fun with it! Try different stuff. Try stupid stuff. Try experimental stuff. Do stuff you've never done before that you aren't sure will work. It's important to get comfortable with your niche (for example, I know I'm never going to be the sort of person who writes intricate plots of intrigue or super long 100k epics or detailed battles), but you can't find that niche unless you explore lots of different niches! Figure out what you love and what you absolutely hate, and then keep doing the stuff you love.

Okay, so that was actually TEN things, but ... I hope you still found this helpful. Feel free to send another ask if any of this was confusing or unclear. Good luck with your fic writing and, if you want, send me a link to what you've written once you've written it! I'd love to read it.

#answered #anonymous #writing advice #i guess?#am i qualified to give this?#no #but im doing it anyway

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hiro-doodlez · 1 year ago

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To prev tags (I just put them in my tags)

There was homophobia in the fandom?? Im pretty sure everyone I met in the fandom was really.. NOT straight to say the least lmfao

I mean, when I was in the peak of the Hyperfixation I was either 12 or 13 so of course I was kinda weird about it. Plus you can't generalize an entire fandom based on the most terrible things a handpicked couple of people in it has done (OTHER THAN COUNTRY HUMANS HOLY SHIT BLUEGHHHH I should put country humans in my DNI LMFAO. that fandom is just racism but try to make it cute)

I mean, EVERY fandom is gonna have some good sides and bad sides, and I feel like since DSMP got so big the bad side of things became more and more noticeable to everyone outside of it

Also, about the rude part, in my DSMP phase I met one of my closest and nicest friends I have ever had, Val. (VAL IF YOU SEE THIS HI!!!! HIIIII!!!!! ILY!!) We met on a silly Minecraft server because I was in a faction called "philzas murder" and we were just jumping and hitting each other and having fun

She knows more about me and the shit I've been through than my entire family probably combined. She always understands when I'm upset, she is always is there and always has supported me even after my interests shifted about a million times. She is so incredibly kind and caring I could never have asked for a better friend. I remember randomly joining the server and checking the list of people online, and literally just leaving if she wasn't online. When I was still figuring out if I was Aro/Ace or not, I asked her for some help and she was fully willing to date me for a day and to test things out, and alsk if I would like to be in a QPR. Then when I finally figured it out, she was extremely proud of me and watched multiple videos on what it's like and how to support me. I have literally considered MULTIPLE TIMES moving to her country and hanging out with her practically EVERY DAY. And this all started because we both liked this stupid Minecraft server. Because we both liked the DSMP

I understand being iffy about the fandom but you have to consider that to some people, it was a HUGE comfort. During that part of my life I was healing from so many things and trying to get better (and be better), and at that time DSMP happened to be my form of escapism. I was having trouble making friends and was so sure everyone hated me, but seeing all of these people laugh and genuinely having fun made me have some sense of hope that one day things could and would get better. (I know it's stupid SHHHH) val ended up being the first person who showed me pure and genuine kindness, and it all started because we liked DSMP, the fandom that everyone thinks is pure evil

Also, I don't know if it's worth mentioning but it's also the reason I STARTED (and continued) drawing. AND NOW LOOK AT ME!!

I mean, hell yeah dream fucking sucks and there's tons of people in the fandom that are terrible but that doesn't mean EVERYONE there sucks. The fandom is huge and has so many amazing people it's genuinely amazing

(also prev tags person ty for telling me about this and I'm not mad IN THE SLIGHTEST. Just giving out my take on this because I've been wanting to say this for a LONNGGG time. Also please don't get mad at me for this SODJALSL)

((also sorry for long rant AKDNALSKSN))

Ok wait genuine question for Tumblr, why does everyone hate dream SMP so much??

#I’m not good at explaining things #I believe it had something to do with homophobia #I just hate it bc everyone who likes #dsmp is really weird about it #and rude #thats where the tags end #i think im gonna stop talking about this now bte #ty tags person again and sorry for the long rant

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ac3id · 4 years ago

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Plaything | 18+ | part i

plaything 1/ ?? | part 0

pairings: yandere! bully bakugou katsuki x fem! reader

warnings: [series] blackmail, bullying, dubcon/ noncon, filming w/o consent, yandere themes, no quirks au. ALL CHARACTERS ARE ABOVE 18 YEARS OF AGE.

↪ for chapter 1: dubcon, blackmail, humiliation, masturbation, filming w/o consent, boot grinding, a little bit of bakusquad + reader....this is filthy :D

summary: by luck you get enrolled into u.a high the best school in your town. the only catch is that the school is filled with rich, spoilt and powerful brats who just seem to hate you and among them, a certain red eyed blonde dreads you the most

↪ for chapter 1: you bump into bakugou by accident, dropping your vanilla ice cream all over him, you try to apologize and run away but wants more...oh wait why are his friends standing there recording everything too?

wordcount. 4k+

a/n: sooooo, it’s finally out! huge thanks to @sawamooora for proof reading this! helped me out a lot <3 sorry for making u sit through that mess x[

this scene was inspired by that one episode of boys over flowers where the mc’s best friend drops ice cream on the main guy’s shoe and he asks the mc to lick it off...obviously that didn’t happen in the show but it really got me thinking......

alsO the netflix show elite,,, i just saw it and knew,,,,

taglist: @mocha-focha, @erenyeagersbasement , @haribo-pop, @sunshine-fangs, @kuremis, @amazing-fandoms,

dm/ inbox/ comment to be added/ removed.

—navigation

It was a great opportunity. Never in your life would you have thought you’d manage to land a scholarship at the prestigious U.A Private Academy.

The school was a dream, the best in your city, and only affordable for the rich. Graduating from such a school could have helped you with life in so many different ways. Not only would it open doors you could never touch before, but it would help you to form connections which would make your life undoubtedly easier.

Graduating from U.A. was a blessing, but obviously, it did not come easy. It was rather unfortunate. After your previous school building had collapsed, due to some accident, the board announced its year-long closure.

At the time, you were beyond lost and understandably frustrated - it was your last year before college and you simply couldn't risk waiting the year out. The whole situation was nerve-wracking, looking for decent schools which would allow you in.

Honestly, you had no idea what you would’ve done if U.A. hadn’t called you that night.

It was the last day of the summer holidays, a week after your school building had collapsed. Luckily, no one was hurt - but the damage on the campus was severe.

You had been talking to your friends when your mother rushed into your room with exciting news. Apparently, the chairman of U.A was feeling generous. He had decided to offer four excellent students from your school a scholarship to U.A.

You were overjoyed being one of the students along with your two other friends; Shinso Hitoshi and Izuku Midoriya.

At first, the thought was a little scary - going into a completely different world than you were accustomed to. The kids there would be much different than you, you didn't want to be the laughing stock, you didn’t want to be their silly little entertainment... The thought made you nervous, but when your best friend, Izuku, called you the next night explaining how he also won the scholarship; followed by Shinso, you were relieved.

Yes, you were stepping into a whole different world but you at least had your two friends with you.

And that brought you to the first day of school.

You stood outside the huge gates of the even enormous academy all alone shaking in your little, expensive skirt they forced you to wear as the uniform waiting for your friends. You promised the two boys you’d wait for them, and besides, you weren’t planning on entering the building all alone.

Your friends, Shinso and Midoriya, lived close to each other. They were supposed to meet you at the gates of the school that morning, but they were running late. Your anxiety grew the longer you stayed there, with students filling the place- arriving in their fancy cars with their expensive bags and accessories. It easily made you feel out of place.

“Hey,” you heard someone before someone tapped on your shoulder. You quickly turned around to greet the voice. Staring back at you was Uraraka Ochaco.

You remembered she was in your school too, Midoriya has a huge crush on her.

“Yes, Uraraka? Right?” You weren’t close to her, nothing but mere acquaintances. But seeing her face - right here, right now - it made your day.

Uraraka was dressed in the same uniform as you, there was no doubt that she was one of the four kids who won the scholarship. Both of you talked while you implored her to wait for Midoriya and Shinso. You didn’t fail to notice the way her cheeks turned pink when you mentioned Midoriya. The two of them were so obvious.

Your friends arrived, they were late, but they came.

Apparently, there was an accident that forced them to stay back a little longer, but they managed to make it before the first bell.

“I actually have an old friend who goes there now,” Midoriya confesses out of the blue as the four of you enter the gates. You look at him in awe.

During the three years in high school that both of you had spent together, he had never mentioned any friend of his going to the U.A. academy ever.

“Why did you never tell us?” Uraraka asks.

“well, we’re not on good terms. He used to live in the same neighborhood before his parent’s business took off. He left after middle school.” Midoriya says, a slight frown forming on his face.

“Who is he?” Shinso asks.

Midoriya pauses briefly before explaining his entire history with a temperamental and rude blonde. Bakugou Katsuki, he calls him. His childhood friend. But from what you managed to gather, Bakugou was anything but a friend to Midoriya.

Bakugo was once just a simple boy, living a simple life, destined to do great things - but once his parent’s clothing line ‘Dynamite’ blew up and became mainstream, he started drowning in wealth. Bakugo moved out of his old neighborhood at the starting of high school before enrolling in U.A., just like all his rich friends.

“Maybe you should say hi,” Uraraka suggests. Midoriya’s expressions turned sheepish.

“About that…” he started. “I called him yesterday, got his number from mom, and-” he stopped.

“What did he say?” Shinso asked.

“He told me to get lost and die,” Midoriya said with a slight frown on his face, looking down.

That was your first impression of Katsuki Bakugou. For a man you had not even met, you sure loathed him.

School went smoothly for a week, everything was going great. The four of you kept your profile low, didn’t talk until spoken to, kept your distance, and everything was okay.

People often starred and whispered amongst each other when they saw you in the hallways, but that was about it. Everyone seemed to be decent but… there’s always a but.

Everything took a turn for the worse when you managed to piss off the wrong person, Bakugo Katsuki himself.

It was an honest mistake, not even that big of a deal - especially for his standards Yet, for some reason, Bakugo wanted to get under your skin.

It happened after your lunch break, you were on your way back to your classroom with an ice-cream cone fasted tightly in your hands. You mindlessly dashed through the hallways, trying your best to get back to class as fast as possible - you don’t want to be late. It’d earn you a bad reputation. You don’t need that- you don't want anything which could jeopardize your scholarship.

You walked straight and took a turn. Just by fate, you bumped into a stiff, hard chest making you wobble on your feet and sending your ice cream from your hand flying straight to the ground.

“Shit,” you cursed, looking down seeing what you had to work with.

The ice-cream cone splattered on the floor, the white creamy liquid flushed all over the floor along with staining an expensive-looking, black leather boot. A snarl comes from above you along with a group of chuckles. More expensive shoes come into your line of view as you realize you’re not alone.

You slowly bring your gaze up, ogling at who you just pissed off.

Staring back at you is a furious blonde, glaring at you with such intensity that it makes your stomach drop. It’s the infamous Bakugou Katsuki, you don’t want to deal with him.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” you don’t give him a chance to complain as you take your flight. Quickly, you try running away but a large hand grabs your forearm, stopping you dead in your tracks.

You look to the side, deep red eyes stare right back at you.

“Where are you running off to? Don’t you think you owe my friend here a proper apology?” Kirishima says, his grip on your arm growing tighter. He towers over you, his huge body trapping you with intimidation.

Going to U.A for over a week there’s a thing or two that you’ve learned about the rich, snobby brats who own the school. Not everyone is bad, a few of them are actually but the rest are just bad.

Bakugou was the worst. From how Midoriya described him, you knew for a fact he’d be a horrible person. But hell, he managed to prove himself even worse.

He was crude, mean, downright arrogant, and ignorant. Always screaming unasked opinions on top of his lungs, and gets mad whenever someone disagrees. He acts like the world revolves around him.

Bakugo had a bunch of friends who he called his “followers” and they weren’t any better.

They just watched while Bakugou ruined everything, they were there to support him.

Kirishima Eijirou the redhead, he was captain of the football team. He was a jock, brawns over brains kind of person. Girls cooed over him and his overly attractive, hot body. It looked as if he was sculpted by God himself.

Next was Kaminari Denki. He was in the school band, dating the lead singer. And yet, he managed to find time to flirt with other girls. He was the goofball of the group, dumb and stupid But he always knew what he was doing. Even though it was barely noticeable, you could always see a devious glint in those amber eyes of his.

Sero Hanta was famous for a lot of reasons. Most notably for having brought illegal drugs on the campus and skipping classes to go down to his junkie hangout spot to smoke weed. The man had no shame. Sometimes, he’d walk into the classrooms high as fuck. The teachers couldn’t do anything even if they tried, his parents practically owned the school; he owned the school. There was no going against the tall, lanky man who looked like he couldn’t even smash a bug. He held the most power and his friends sure knew how to abuse it.

Last but not least was Mina Ashido. The one and only girl member of the self-proclaimed ‘bakusquad’. Sometimes, Jirou Kyouka, the lead singer of the school, would hang out with the boys and her boyfriend, but she wasn’t a permanent member. Mina was.

In your opinion, Mina was a nightmare dressed like a daydream. With her short, pink hair and bright smile, she seemed like an angel. But she was the devil. Worse than even Bakugou, perhaps.

She knew everything about everyone, she had leverage galore: screenshots ready to leak, videos ready to ruin lives. She had them all, and frankly- she scared you the most.

Kirishima pushed you back, and Bakugo caught you by your shoulders.

“That was fucking rude,” he growled, biting his fingers into your shoulder blades tight and hard making you squeal. “Are you fucking blind or something? Fucking extra.”

“I said I’m sorry, let me go will you?” Even in such a terrifying situation, you try to remain calm.

“What do you think, Sero?” Kaminari began. Your heart sank, including Sero into anything was never a good sign.

“She ruined Bakugou’s new shoes,” he continued. Bakugou’s hold on you tightened and you winced, turning back to him and returning his glare.

“Okay, what do you want?” you give in, finally. A mischievous spark lights up in his crimson eyes as flashes a cocky smirk to his friends before turning back to you with a frown. He pushes you towards Mina and she catches you with an arm around your shoulder.

“Those were expensive, right?” she looks at you and then back at Bakugou. He grunts, nodding.

“Fuck yes, I’m pissed as hell. Some fucking extra managed to ruin it.”

You look back down to steal a glance at his heavy, leather boot. The small, white stain melted away.

“What will you do to make up for it?” Mina whispers your name and you cringe. They were teasing you. For their fun, they were making fun of you.

“What can I do?” you say, sarcastically. Prying yourself away from her hold. The crowd goes dead silent before speaking. Sero is the first one to talk.

“Lick it off.”

There’s a pause, no one speaks. Your stomach drops and your face pales at the look the five of them are giving you- it’s serious. Dead serious.

Kaminari bursts out laughing followed by Sero and the others. The four of them get a great laugh but Bakugou stares at you head-on with his grave expressions burning through your soul.

“Whatcha looking at? Do it,” he commands.

The laughing dies down and Kaminari speaks, “are you serious? You want her to lick your shoe,” he can’t control his laughter, a chuckle breaks with every word.

“Yes, I’m fucking serious. Besides, Sero recommended it,” he smirks. “Do you really want to say no to him? I don’t know so much about this but-“ he leans down close to your face, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear, “it might complicate your scholarship.”

There’s a twisted rhythm in his voice. He’s enjoying tormenting you. You still want to believe that they’re just messing around. That they’ll have their laughs and let you go, but the way Sero stares at you says otherwise.

“You don’t wanna do it?” Bakugou asks.

“Of course she doesn’t! That’s gross, oh my god.” Mina exclaims, earning a chuckle from the rest of the boys.

“Hey, let’s hear it from Sero himself.” Kirishima pats Sero’s back, pushing him forward. The five of them have circled around you, coiling you inside their venomous nest with you in the center. You turn to Sero with pleading eyes, looking up at his huge form, begging.

He smirks looking down at you, you look so tiny beneath bim. He wants to mess with you, even more, you look like a nice toy to him. He wants to play with it until he can’t.

“I guess, I did say that-” your blood runs cold, heartbeat picking up in nervousness. “-but you don’t need to do it.” He finishes. Your face lights up while the others groan in disappointment. Bakugou looks livid.

“Just know that, you’re the one who dropped the ice cream on Bakugou’s shoe and now you’re not even helping him out. That’s not very noble, is it? I don’t know if I even by mistake slipped that info back home- my parents might reconsider whether you truly deserve to be here or not. They don’t really like disrespectful kids who comprise the school’s name.”

Sero ends his speech with a wide, ear-to-ear grin, followed by a pat to your head.

“The choice is yours.”

You pause for a moment and think. Where they were really going to make you do it, where they were really going to humiliate you like this. They were. But were you willing to do it?

From Sero’s threat, you could tell he was serious, this was legit.

It wouldn’t have been the first time the school expelled someone who had beef with Sero, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. They don’t care about anyone but their loving son. They wouldn’t even think once before expelling you.

“What’s your answer, princess?” Kirishima teases.

Mina and Kaminari once again break into fits of laughter.

“What do you mean? She doesn’t have a choice here, kneel you extra.” Your heart hammers in your chest as Bakugou gestures you to kneel. You stop for a second, breathing unevenly- thinking. After a long, thoughtful sigh, you answer.

“No, I am not going to do it.” Your voice is meek yet clear. Even though you’re trembling under the heavy gazes of five snakes, you choose to stand your ground.

Bakugou glaring at you while the others boo.

“Aw, c’mon you don’t mean that.”

“Don’t be a little brat.”

Bakugou stays silent while the others continue to throw insults at you - calling you names and trying to make you regret your decision. You look straight forward into Bakugou’s cold, red eyes, searching for his next move. Your heart beats even harder in your chest with increased anxiety. After watching your torment for more than a few minutes, Bakugo decides he’s had enough of this game.

“Hey, shitty hair,” Bakugo starts. “Punch me.”

“What?” Kirishima asks, vividly shaken. “Why do you want me to hit you, Bakubro?”

“Punch me real hard, give me a black eye.” The confusion grows greater on everyone’s faces. You stare at him in awe, wondering what angle was trying to play.

Kirishima raises his hands in defense. “Woah, dude slow down there. I’m not just going to punch you.”

Bakugou clicks the roof of his tongue, letting out a sound of irritation. “You all are just dumb,” he starts.

“Imagine if this punny, little,” he leans down closer to you till his lips touch your ears and whispers your name with a crude chuckle. “Were to drop all her food over me, not apologize, punch and me then run away, that’d bring her into a whole world of trouble. Wouldn’t it?”

Bakugo’s words are calculated and sly, he knows exactly what he’s getting at when he starts. His voice fills you up with dread as he makes his accusations public.

“She would be expelled on spot and Kacchan could also raise charges,” Kaminari adds.

Your eyes widen in fear.

“Yeah, I’ll fucking do that.” Mina giggles. “That would succck,” she cheers. Your lower lip quivers as you stare at them in disbelief, your eyes open wide only to be covered with fear.

“Hey, c’mon, why are you doing this to me?” You feel them inch closer to you, their warmth leeching onto you the longer you stay surrounded by them.

“Because you have no fucking manners.” Bakugou snarls.

“Kiri, punch him. What are you waiting for? If you don’t wanna do it I will!” Kaminari cries, growing impatient.

Kirishima laughs before he charges Bakugou. Your heart hammers in your chest.

You think about your family, your future, and how disappointed everyone would be with you. Your dreams and aspirations, all were rooted in this school.

It was honestly sad, pathetic even. Your entire future was just a joke to these spoiled kids. These kids who could control you, and everyone else, with just a flick of their fingers. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the price to pay for a piece of the beautiful cake known as U.A... You resign yourself to your fate.

A piece of your mind.

“N-no, don’t do that. I-I’ll do it,” you murmured, your voice timid and weak. The five paused looking at each other with an ominous glint in their eyes. Bakugou was the first to speak.

“Well, then fucking get on with it. On your knees.” Obediently like a trained puppy, you got down onto your knees, not letting your eyes fall from Bakugou’s face. His red, fierce eyes barked at you with an unknown look, keeping you lost.

“Holy shit, she’s actually doing this,” Mina squealed watching you lean forward, bringing your face next to Bakugou’s expensive boots.

“Kaminari, record this.” Sero taps at the energetic blonde, forcing him to take his phone out and hit ‘record’. As you lean further to the ground, your short skirt rides up behind you, giving the audience a clear view of your round ass and pastel panties. The sight brings a smile to Bakugou’s face as he scoffs.

“Cute panties,” he remarks.

You jerk, trying desperately to sit back, but Bakugo stops you. Smashing his other foot on top of your shoulder, he holds you there facing the ground.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” he growls.

You squirm, almost falling under his weight and as much you hate to admit it, a tingle of excitement runs down your spine. This was turning you on.

A row of whistles flood in, the boys start teasing you and praising Bakugou.

“Lick it off,” he commands.

You look down at his leather boot, the ice cream almost melted. There’s still a bright white spot of the sweet now liquid splayed out. Even though it’s not a lot, it still makes you cringe. You peek your shy, little tongue out timidly, forcing yourself to do the heinous deed.

Bakugou watches you hesitate and pushes on your shoulder harder making you reach towards him.

You give in after a final attempt, diving into his wishes. Your wet tongue touches the rough, cold leather. You cringe after a single touch, closing your eyes and scrunching your nose at the salty taste. “Clean it all off,” he commands.

You dive back in, this time letting your tongue glide across a larger portion. The humiliation burns through your body. It makes you uncomfortably hot, mostly from anger and but a little bit of arousal.

“Nice ass.”

There it is. The excitement comes back the moment they start making suggestive comments, the attention riles you up and it’s horrible.

“Kaminari are you even supposed to be here? Don’t you have a girlfriend?” Mina asks at the blonde pervert who was currently zooming on your ass.

“Oh? We’re cool as long as I don’t stick my dick her,” he points to you. “That’s hella fucking tempting but I’m in love, dude.” He chuckles to himself, thinking about his girlfriend.

They treat you like an object, talking about you like you were some sort of a toy.

“Bet her pussy is tight,” Sero says.

Kirishima turns to Bakugou, looking at him with pleading eyes. “Yo, Bakubro, can we touch her?”

Bakugou looks on from watching you lick his boot and turns to Kirishima. A dark, unsettling gaze falls across his eyes as he speaks, “No. This one is mine.” he stares down at you.

You stop lapping on his shoe and stand back on your knees, buckling your knees you try to get up but Bakugou harshly kicks your shoulder, throwing you back and making you cry.

“Why did you do that?” you squeal, holding onto your bruised shoulder, glaring at him intently.

The rest of the group goes quiet at the display of Bakugou’s sudden violence.

He stands between your thighs, lazily resting his foot atop of your soft thighs.

“You’re fucking pathetic, you know that?” the angle you were spread out in had your skirt flipped over hips, displaying your pretty, pastel panties to everyone in the room.

Even though it’s subtle, masked by everyone’s fear of what Bakugou was planning, you still feel everyone’s gaze focused right on you and more specifically at your clothed cunt. Bakugou presses hard on your thigh making you cry.

“Useless Deku’s friends are just like him. The fucking second you walked in here, I knew you were just another useless insect for me to stomp on.” He pauses, smirking, pressing his foot onto you even harder, twisting his ankle to increase the burning sting surging across your right thigh. “And I’m doing just that.”

He steps off you for a moment, letting you catch your breath and recover from the burn. His eyesight travels lower down to your panties. He admires the cute pair you had on. Normally when he’d see girls naked, they’d dress themselves up the most luxurious to match his standards. But that’s not you, that could never be you.

He rejoices at the thought of seeing your flushed, tear-stained face breaking down under him. You’ll never be like those girls, always a step behind. He can build you up and break you however he likes, you’d have no say in it.

The power trip drives him crazy.

He presses the tip of his boot over your clothed clothed cunt, pushing the hard material right over your sensitive clit.

You gasp at the feeling, looking up at him with terrified eyes. He smirks down at you, moving his foot in a steady rhythm, rubbing the fabric of your cotton panties against your little pearl.

“This turning you on? What a freak.” The rest of his group basks in shock. They watch intently as the scene spiraled out for them, too captivated to make any comments. They just keep quiet and stare.

The way you squirm under Bakugou as he plays with your cute clit so unforgivingly makes them hot with excitement. Kaminari feels a little guilty but he blames it on his nature as a man.

Sero feels a little bad for you, they all do. But then again they wouldn’t waste the opportunity to be in Bakugou’s footsteps- literally.

“You’re a little slut, you know that?” Bakugou sneers.

Your gasps turn into whimpers as his simulation becomes harder. You clench your fists, desperately wishing it to be over. Tears brim in your eyes at the sheer humiliation of your corrupted form. This was just too much, too much for you to handle.

“Please, stop,” you beg, knowing he wouldn't listen. “I’ll report you,” you cry. A roar of laughter starts, shutting you up.

“Go for it, you do that.” Mina comments. Kaminari walks closer to you, bringing the camera down to your face recording your horrified expressions.

“We’ll just go ahead and post this online.” he threatens.

A drop of tear falls down your waterline following a waterfall. You cry, leave all of your dignity behind and cry. You beg them to stop but as your pleas mix with your moans, it’s hard for anyone to understand what you’re saying. It’s not like they don’t know what you’re asking them for, they just turn deaf, simply because they can.

Bakugou stops, he takes a step back, leaving you alone. You let out the tiniest cry when he leaves, ditching you just when you need his touch the most.

“Feels like I’m doing too much of the work, if you want it so bad, do this yourself.” He says. Your body still burns with desire, your clit still hard and cunt salivating, you are nowhere close to being done...

It’s as if something takes over and you are possessed by the dire need to cum, you do exactly as he says.

You snake your fingers down your panties, deliberately rubbing on your swollen little clit before pushing your finger into your drenched cunt. You cry out as you clench around your finger, the pleasure becoming unbearable. Your legs shake and you close your eyes shut.

You stay there on the floor, fingering yourself in the corridor, without any shame, while Kaminari records all of it.

“She’s gonna give me a hard-on,” Kirishima says and you moan.

“She really is a slut, huh?” Sero comments.

“She’s cute,” Mina adds with a smile.

Bakugou scoffs, “does Deku know how much of a whore you are?” He asks.

You don’t pay any attention to what he says, too busy bringing yourself to your climax.

“You’re getting all this right?” Mina looks over Kaminari’s shoulder and onto the phone screen which captures you beautifully losing yourself for everyone to see.

“You close?” Bakugou asks as you feel yourself clench around fingers tightly, he bends down on his and pulls your panties down your hips, admiring your precious cunt.

“Cute pussy,” he remarks before flicking your sensitive, hardened clit.

A rush of pleasure washes down your body as you cry while cumming. Bakugou pushes you right over the edge, a nasty grin screaming atop his face as he watches you. You curse at yourself for letting him see you like this, but there’s not much you can do but cry while you feel your juices gush around you before sliding down your thighs and onto the dirty floor.

It takes a second for you to calm down and when you do come to your senses, dread fills you up. Tears shamelessly fall down your face as you realize what you just did. The others laugh at you, without feeling any remorse.

Bakugou continues to stare at you with an unsettling look, while the others discuss the heinous crime you’ve just committed.

Sero looks down at you and you catch his dark eyes staring at you. A toothy grin scavenges his face as he speaks.

“Awesome,” he says as if he just finished some mediocre movie.

Finally, you find the courage to get up and run.

This was totally not awesome.

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