#i have also already made myself a playlist for it so i think i'm settling in for the long haul with this one askjdfh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

girldigital · 11 months ago

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It's 2 am

I just cracked open my favorite 0% fat yoghurt of the moment. A few spoonfuls later, here I am typing away back in the relatively same dim and colorful cocoon I had back home.

While I haven't been listening to music much since this summer (pretty comical for a self-proclaimed DJ I know), I tend to talk to myself when writing in silence. To counter that, I've just put on this playlist I started back in 2016, when living in a lava lamp lit high rise apartment was only just a dream. I guess I'm not exactly there yet, but close enough. It only took 8 years...

Anyway, I've just started watching SATC following encouragement from roomie Angel and I guess that's why I'm here.

I moved to London about 20 days ago and life finally feels like it's started. I'll give a quick rundown, then hopefully I can maintain short daily entries....

I guess I'll start before I departed.

It's been a pretty tough year for me (depression! crazy mother! ah!), but I won't be getting into that right now. May was the turning point (no criminal record! great birthday in NYC!) and it's been up ever since.

I made sure I saw as many people I love before leaving. Didn't get to everybody, but I'm happy with those I got to see: obviously the high school besties, but also AB, AV, M, EZ, ZK, estranged bestie MB... I think that's it?

Oh wait

Okay, I'm not going to lie I may mostly also have started this because after telling Angel of the lover I left back home, she told me he was my Mr. Big. Now that I'm watching SATC... I can confirm very much so is, much to my dismay.

How could I forget I included him in my list of people to see before my big move. He's someone I was seeing a little over 2 years ago. He ended things before they got serious, which I don't blame him for, despite how it broke me.

I don't think I ever realized just how much I could love and how much I wanted love until that point. I've always been used to the minimum and that's what I expected from my lovers. However, that was the first time I got more. So much more.

Anyway, this is not about that, it ended and I moved on (or tried to at least). I've met many beautiful people, had my fair share of exciting traveling escapades, turned a date into a best friend... Overall no regrets.

I think ending it was for the better. I wasn't ready, and as much as everybody tells me it's not the case, I was never able to shake off the feeling that he simply was too good for me.

Sometimes I wished we could be friends and hang out, but with time I realized the best way to go about it was probably to see him the least possible. Even when I was with other lovers, I could not help but compare them all to him. He became the standard and I could never truly forget him. In a way, that's not a bad thing, for I did need to stop settling for bullshit. However, it also turned the savannah that was my already overly selective dating life into a full-blown desert.

I tried moving on from talking about this and yet here I am 3 paragraphs later, my God. I guess it just goes to show how much I have to say. In all though, I'm very glad I was able to maintain the distance and to explore different people, as well as myself.

I reached out before leaving not expecting much. Again, contact was sparse (and even more so since I stopped posting on Instagram over the past year - totaallyyyy unrelated to my unresolved feelings....), but I do feel like we had a nice bond. He was pretty complimentary to me when he did reach out and I feel like our senses of humor always kind of lined up. I figured the worst thing that could happen was him saying no to my invitation. which didn't matter since I was leaving the country anyway. I knew I had an entire new world awaiting me, so the stakes weren't as high as they would've been had I tried something like this prior.

To my surprise, not only did he say yes, he said he'd love to see me. After weeks of being filled with dread at the thought of reaching out, he actually was eager to see me?

Sorry music change, just realized I never finished that Andre 3000 album and I feel like that's better suited for right now:

Anyway, yeah. Him looking forward to seeing me was not in my cards. Not only that, but after asking him where he'd like to go, he suggested his, with a very enticing make out invitation.

Did I scream? Yes. Who could say no to a make out sesh with the lover who broke your heart? It's a funny thing to have the man who's occupied too many of your thoughts finally give you something tangible, right before you leave the city that united you. A city I probably won't go back to, and most likely neither will he.

Did I forget to mention he's from New York? Because of course he is. I'd list out the rest of his resume, but I don't even think that matters right now.

So yes, I did go to his cute mile-end apartment. And yes, one negroni and gin and tonic later, he cut me off mid-sentence with a kiss.

A kiss, I hate to admit, I had longed for since the last one we shared.

Then he picked me up and we made love. Not sure if I'm allowed to say that, for I don't know if love is there, but it surely feels like more than just sex with him.

While he exudes warmth and has such inherent kindness to him, when we fuck, that goes out the window. His gaze turns almost animalistic, but not in an aggressive way - It's like purely juiced passion. Typically when a man looks at me with such hunger, I can't help but hate them. All I want to do is disappear, unless I'm already in bed with them, in that case it makes me want to laugh (which I actually do sometimes). With him though, I relinquish myself like an offering. I let my body and soul be consumed and I can tell he savors every bit of it.

Changed music to Vangelis...

So after laying on his chest and exchanging kisses for what I wish was an eternity, we said our goodbyes and I drove away.

Did I mention I was on my period by the way? Knowing him I knew that probably wouldn't be a problem though. If anything, he might have enjoyed it even more this way. He's a real lover - I guess that's why I can't let go. They're a rarity nowadays you know...

So I got my goodbye. One that was a thousand times better than what I didn't even dare imagine. It's funny to think it only happened because I'm leaving. It felt like stealing the last slice of a delicious pie that wasn't even mine.

Finally though, I felt like I could close the book.

I landed in London ready to take it over. Angel greeted me once I got off the train. Tedious walk, carrying two large suitcases, sweating like a pig wearing all the clothes that wouldn't fit in them.

The moment I got home though everything became good. Freedom didn't exist where I'm from, and there's a form of happiness you can only obtain when the shackles are off.

Should I end my entry here?

I feel like if I keep going it'll be the longest fucking thing. I'm so sorry I didn't expect a tiny catch-up with a past lover to take up so many words, but he is a big piece of my life puzzle. My Mr. Big...

It's now 4:15

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twilight-resonance · 1 year ago

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Foresight and Hindsight

Had an inkling to listen to a section of a year-playlist from a long time ago, and dang. Sometimes there are parts of yourself that know long before any of the rest of you does. There's so much from that period of time - the music I listened to, the pieces I wrote, the small rituals I made for myself and followed - that are so achingly clear that I knew. Even before it was clear what was going on. Even before it was clear how it was going to end.

The foresight is nice to look back on and see there, made clear by time and distance. It's nice to know that there can be that kind of clarity somewhere quiet underneath, even when things are uncertain and tumultuous at the time and you do not think you can see the way.

Makes me wonder what foresight there is in my current moment. I don't know how much there would be to see, at this moment; I suspect that the clarity comes with those times when I am so much more wrapped up in myself, and more intensely drawn inwards - with music, with journaling, with reflection and feelings and so on. Which there hasn't been none of - but what's there has very much been a conscious work to touch a little deeper on myself rather than being subsumed by a moment in time and the emotions that come to swallow me with them. The difference between a practice and a possession.

Then again, maybe there are such things to be divined. I would still, I think, need to be more deeply in touch with myself to see them - more consistently journaling (right now I'm up to about once a week), more intentionally listening to music, etc. I would like to be; but I am also struggling to get a hold of other aspects of my life, and there is only so far I can advance any one thing. The kitchen is cleaned more often than it used to be. My work planning is done further ahead than it used to be. Emails are responded to more quickly than they used to be. I'm journaling more often than I used to be. None of these things is in their fullest blossom, but they are practices I'm observing much more diligently than I have been before, and I am still striving to do better.

Echo: I am always striving to do better.

The path sort-of splits two ways here. One way with the music, and one way with the writing. I'll do both.

(Echo: I always do both.)

The writing says - I've been doing a lot of work with, well, myself recently. Delving into lots of older parts of me that have been hitherto unexplored, learning about how to tweak and tug at myself to make everything work more smoothly, and so on. The posture element from the prior post is a way this manifests physically, really - looking at things that need healing and doing what I can to work out those kinks and find a better place to rest. But it's also been experimenting with sensory input, with workflow structures and patterns, with journaling more often, exploring emotional tension held in my body, etc. It comes from the same place as the rest. I'm trying to understand who and what I am these days, now that I've come out the other side of the woods - now that the traveling theme that has dogged my footsteps for so many years is reaching its end - because understanding that is the key to opening the world back up. To writing, if I can. To a richer creative life, if I'm able. To being more settled in myself and able to approach the world from a place of being centered, if I can touch it.

(It's like the desert. Many years ago, in college, I wrote a piece about the desert: about how the process of going out on my own felt like crossing a wasteland with the promise of a mythical forest on the other side, and survival looked like in the meantime. I had already been on my own for a few years before college, and it was a rough time. I did find the woods, eventually; and I did build my house there, eventually; and I think what I'm doing now must be filling it with the things you need to be not merely safe, but fulfilled.)

The music says, no really - there are parts of yourself that know, long before. Here's the list of songs in that section of music:

"Breathe" - Melissa Etheridge

"Fearless Love" - Melissa Etheridge

"The Breaking of the Fellowship" - Howard Shore

"Home" - Daughtry

"I See Fire" - Ed Sheeran (blech)

"Landslide" - Fleetwood Mac

"Parade" - Matchbox Twenty

"Bed of Lies" - Matchbox Twenty

"What Would You Do" - Bastile

"Hero" - AWOLNATION

"Glass" - Stuart Davis

"Lost" - Krypteria

"Crystal Ball" - P!nk

"Glitter in the Air" - P!nk

"Slut Like You" - P!nk

"Walk of Shame" - P!nk

For anyone who knows me, it's in my Years -> 2016 playlist.

You won't see what I mean - not really - but I do. For one, look at how pop-y that is. Pop music has always been the sound of deep emotional turmoil to me, and that's heavier here than it almost ever is. More than that, though, I was already saying goodbye. Before I knew the fullness of what was going on, or how bad it was going to get - I was already saying goodbye. "Breathe" is really the geologic marker for that era. I remember playing that song over, and over, and over again the night that the first slippage came about. There's so much in that song and the whole list that's not just the goodbye, but the shame - shame that wasn't mine to bear, but that was gifted to me in others' stead.

(Not since you sought to cast me out // As sacrifice for others' doubts // For sins we both knew were not mine // But bore for others' peace of mind)

Anyway, I'm not feeling particularly melancholy about it all at the moment, much as it might sound otherwise. It's nice to look back, sometimes. To be able to see from a place of clarity, and in so take those parts of myself and settle them gently back into place; (and in doing so is how we find healing). To see that sometimes, we do understand - sometimes, we do know - and to listen for the signs of that foresight and follow it.

It took a long time to bring myself to a point of being able to do that - to listen to that music again, and to that era of my life again. Last year was rough - in many ways not nearly as rough as the years immediately prior, but it was the first year of confrontation. Of being tested, and having to weather those tests however I could. This year poses new tests, but I have passed the first. Last year was a process of wrestling those feelings and finding some ways to fit them inside myself (echo: grief doesn't grow smaller; you grow larger around it) so that I could hold them and take another step forward, and another.

That's enough for tonight, I think. One last song, and then sleep. There's more work to do tomorrow, whatever that work may be.

#blog #journal #foresight #music #clarity #growth #emotions #echoes #reflection #desert of the self #forest of the self

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frutillinitas · 1 year ago

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what did i do wrong? was my attempt to show how much i loved you not enough? should i have done better? you never told me what you wanted, so how would I know if you didn't tell me? should i have asked you? i was willing to improve but instead you decided to keep things to yourself and deal with it yourself and that hurts me, or was it because you thought it would be difficult for me? what did you really think?

you said you were going to make me happy no matter what and now all I have is your friendship and I'll have to settle for that because I don't want to lose you.

I don't know if you were aware but I love you very much, too much, idk maybe i really do but since i'm kinda sad i try to deny it so as not to hurt myself, that's wrong because i'm denying my own feelings but i can't help it.

if you asked me if I would wait for you, the answer would be yes, cause i think that we could be more than just friends, if we talk more than last time, putting things on the table, deciding and agreeing on things, i think we could become a couple, but i don't want to force you into anything so i'm just going to be there for you as a friend, with my heart breaking.

i don't want to minimize my feelings but i can't help but feel stupid, i don't know why. maybe it's because i feel confused, i don't really know.

i had realized that something was wrong with you and i wanted to talk about it but i didn't know how to ask you, i noticed that you were changing, that you were stopping doing or saying various things and that was hurting me cause i thought, am i being too affectionate? or am i not? is he bored already? he has lost interest? but, even when i realized it, i wanted to be there because i felt fine by your side.

and it's probably silly that i feel that way but i can't help it.

and then every word that my mom repeats to me becomes reality, I don't know what was i made for, i don't know what i want to do, nobody seems to love me because somehow everyone ends up moving away or leaving me aside and it seems that the only thing i can dedicate myself is to study, which is minimally good for me.

and it hurts me, it hurts me a lot that this is happening, because i wanted so much to do various things with you. so many letters that i had left to write, so many gifts to give you, so many kisses that i missed giving you, so many hugs that stayed in the air, so many playlists that i wanted to listen to by your side, those movies that i wanted us to see together (that we still can do but it will no longer have the same meaning)

that barbie movie will no longer be the same, every time i see an alfajor or a pudding i will remember you, every time i listen to national rock i will also remember you, when i hear about the lol you're probably going to be on my mind, when i hear something about volleyball you're definitely going to be there.

I love u L, i will always do.

#Spotify

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in-superbloom · 3 years ago

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did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

#anna writes #perhaps she does write after all #alright i'm gonna go hide somewhere now bye #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin fic #ashton 5sos #ashton irwin x oc #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #ashton irwin imagine #5 seconds of summer #5sos imagine #anna writes: rwylm

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orangeyougladitsbondage · 3 years ago

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Our first scene...

I had met her through some friends and we hit it off instantly. She was so beautiful and I couldn't help but get lost in her eyes as we talked. This talking led to an exchange of phone numbers and the first text from her later that night. The text was nothing special just a simple "Hi this is Megan, really glad to have met you today". I responded that I was glad to have met her too and then we fell into a rhythm of talking via text every few days.

Then one night that texting turned into a phone call and a sly joke about being tied up with work led to an interesting conversation. Megan told me she had always had an interest in kink but was always scared to bring it up with her previous partners. I told her I had slight experience being a Dom but that I was a switch meaning I play both sides of the dynamic. Megan seemed extremely curious and we decided to do a dinner date that Friday.

That day seemed to take forever, I mean don't they always? You get excited for something and then it seems the thing before that event takes forever? You could just sit there and stare at the clock but that just makes time freeze. So I tried to focus on work but it was harder than it should've been to do so. But finally it was time to leave work and I rushed home to get ready.

A quick shower to freshen up, brushing my teeth and then picking out what to wear. I decided on a nice button up with a vest, not too fancy but also not under dressed. My phone went off it was Megan "Hope you aren't planning to skip out on our date now, not gonna get cold feet with it being only an hour away are you?". I responded "Definitely not a chance of that happening, see you soon".

The ride to the restaurant I just played some music that keeps me calm. Dating with anxiety can be hard because the anxiety triggers my overthinking and only leads to bad things. Well not exactly bad things it just leads to me overthinking how things could play out and being scared to do them. So I played a Playlist I made that keeps those thoughts at bay. And before I knew it I had arrived at the restaurant. Now the one thing I've learned is it's always best to be early even if your date isn't just shows what you are there for is important.

Time again slowed as I waited for Megan to arrive. Car after car pulling in and the thoughts of did she get cold feet begin to sink in. Overthinking sucks so much I wish I could get rid of that part of me but alas I can not. Finally I see her walking towards me and it must've put a doofy smile on my face because she just laughed and said "what?". I just said "I am glad you made it" as I opened the door to the restaurant and followed Megan inside. I told the maitre d the name on the reservation for two and they sat us at our table.

A drink and some food later and the conversation finely made its way to kink. I asked Megan what her interests were. She admitted she really liked the bondage aspect, seeing people helpless but smiling. She also really liked the different gags but she had never tried any. I asked Megan if she had any experience with impact play and she told me she had been spanked before but not much else but that she would love to try more. I asked if she had any experience with being submissive or dominant in her past relationships. Megan stated she always seemed to take the submissive role in her eyes but that both roles interest her.

The conversation went back to normal from there just talking about our days and plans for the coming week. The check came and I paid for the meal while Megan covered the tip. I walked her to her car and wished her a safe drive home and I left smiling the entire walk to my car. But that was where our conversation stopped until later that week anyway. Wednesday I get a text that says "so I really enjoyed dinner and our talk and I'd like to explore things further with you".

Now this had me blushing at work do I asked when Megan had free time and we could set something up. Megan told me her weekend was free and I asked about her Friday night. She was free so we decided we would do another date Friday night and if she still wanted to she could follow me home and we could have a scene. But before we do that we had to discuss limits and how we wanted to scene to play out.

So via text we discussed how Megan would like our scene to play out. She said she would like to be bound and I told her I had some cuffs that can help with that as well as some hooks in the ceiling that they can be attached to. She also stated she would like to try some impact play but nothing too crazy this time. I said never anything too crazy your limits determine what we do and how long we do it. I asked if she wanted to try using a gag and she quickly replied yes and I said ok and listed the options I had.

I have a ball gag, a ring gag, bondage tape and well a clothes pin. Megan decided on the ball gag which is always a lovely choice in my opinion but you'll hear more on why soon enough. And then we discussed safewords and signals for when she was gagged. The safewords chosen were the traditional red, yellow, green and for the signal we went with her opening and closing her fist multiple times. I advised we would do a test run before we got into the scene just to make sure we were both on the same page.

The next two days of work went by like a snail and I don't think that is at all surprising. But as the time began to tick down Friday the excitement in me built. Again I drove home and freshened up this time just wearing a button up and the drove to the restaurant for date number two with Megan. Now I know only two dates and you're thinking me and Megan are about to have sex. And to some that may be the point of bondage or bdsm sure but not to me. And if you think back no where in our scene discussion was sex mentioned so that was not on the table for me at all.

So I arrived at the restaurant and this time me being dressed down a bit but Megan did not. Megan arrived in a lovely purple dress that hugged her curves in all the right ways. My gosh I couldn't help but freeze as she got closer and just take in the beauty in front of me. All I could say was wow as I opened the door and followed her in. We ate and as we did I made sure to tell Megan not to rush herself we have all night ahead of us and rushing to eat won't help. I know this from experience as rushing to eat absolutely ruined a scene in which I was the submissive. Take your time let your food settle and don't worry about time I said and smiled.

I think this helped Megan relax as she slowed down and we just had a wonderful dinner and chat. One of those chats about nothing in particular but both parties enjoyed it. I couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to get a second date with her let alone the honor that would be her submission later that night. On this night no drinks were had by me I just wanted a clear head for the nights events which I think is important when I lead a scene. So finally the check came and I asked Megan if she was sure about how she wanted this night to go.

Megan smiled and said I'm very sure and she grabbed the check and quickly handed it back to the waiter with her card. Now that is a simple move but oh I definitely took it as a power move by her. She just had this smirk afterwards that drove me wild. I left the tip and said alright you can either follow me to my place or we can come pick up your car tomorrow your choice. She then decided to follow me home and I thought to myself as the drive began how lucky I was.

The drive felt like forever but it was only maybe 20mins tops. When we got to my place we went over safewords and the safe signal and made sure we were on the same page. Then I brought up aftercare because this is a extremely important piece of the puzzle. I wish I had learned this in a better way but I think our bad moments teach us to be better. Knowing what the other person needs for aftercare is extremely important. And I can say based off experience I will never do another go with the flow scene again. Because it led to me not knowing what a partner needed and them not telling me what they needed but saying I failed.

Hearing from someone you cared about that you failed because you didn't have all the information. That is the worst feeling and one I was not going to repeat with Megan. So Megan being new, she wasn't sure what her aftercare needs were but we agreed on cuddles to start and we would go from there. So I went into my room bringing out cuffs, my ball gag and a length of rope I attached the rope to one of the ceiling hooks. I then sat next to Megan and had her put her hands front of and I secured to cuffs to each wrist. "Now we can do this with your lovely dress on or we can take it off, whichever makes you more comfortable" she smiled and leaned in next to my ear. And with a whisper she said "Oh I am making you take this dress off so you can see whats underneath" and with a giggle she stood in front of me and turned around.

I stood and slowly lowered the zipper on the dress. Then slowly slid the dress down her arms and then down her body. Underneath the dress she was hiding a lovely matching purple lace set. I couldnt help be admire her ass for a moment as I let my hand slide down it. "Wow, you came dressed to impress today didn't you?" I said with a smile as I spun her around after having he step out of her dress. "Well you only get to do your first bondage experience once may as well amaze you the first time right?" She quipped with a smirk.

I giggled and agreed with her as I clipped the cuffs together. "Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked and she confirmed that she did. I walked her over to the hook and had her turn around so I could put the ball gag in her mouth. Once the gag was in place I had her turn around and connected the rope to the cuff chain. "Well look at you all helpless and oh my already drooling" I said with a smile as I wiped up some of the drool leaking down her chin just to show her. She turned a lovely shade of red on her cheeks and I could see the smile in her eyes.

I stood there for a bit just watching her lightly struggle and test the bonds that held her. Now for me I really like gags because they lead to drool which I really enjoy for many reasons. But the other thing I really enjoy about gags is the muffled talking and moans made by the wearer. So as Megan began to struggle I enjoyed watching her slowly drool more and more and the cute little sounds she was making. Watching the drool slowly cause more and more of a shine down her chest.

I went and grabbed my flogger and then turned on the TV. "Well you seem very content there, so I'll let you go about your struggle and see what's on TV." I said and giggled. Megan tried to say you're mean but all that came out was mumbles. "Awwwww you poor thing you have to speak up if you want me to understand you." I started a random show just to make it seem like I wasn't paying attention all the while I kept watching her hands for any signal that she was done or needed to stop.

A few minutes and plenty of drool down her chin later I stop watching TV and walk over to her. "Are you doing ok?" I asked and she nodded and I asked "would you like to do some impact play with this?" As I slid the flogger over her chest. She thought about it for a moment before nodding and mumbling out a "yes please". I start with a few hits watching her to gage her reaction and making sure it's not too much. "Would you like me to do more?" I ask and she nods. This process continues for the next several minutes, me continously asking if she is ok and would like more.

I stop when her butt has the same shade of red as her cheeks did. I quip with a giggle "Awww seems your underwear isn't the only matching set you have now is it?". I untie the cuffs from the rope and then take the cuffs off of her. I then unbuckle the gag and slowly massage her jaw. "Are you ok?" I ask and she says "more than ok that was amazing". I hug her and tell her how proud I am of how she did there and that she took it all so well. I then grab a cup of water and a paper towel.

I hand Megan the cup of water as I slowly clean up the drooly mess she had on her chest. Then I grab a blanket and wrap it around her shoulders. "Would you like cuddles?" I ask and she nods a yes and I lead her to my bedroom. We lay there in my bed for about the next hour and Megan actually drifted off to sleep for about 45 minutes of it. When she awoke I grabbed her a quick snack and some more water. I told her again that I was so proud of how she handled that and asked if any of it was too much. She told me that she felt it was perfect and asked if she could stay the night as it was now 11pm.

I told her that she absolutely could stay and we sat there just talking about how the scene went. She told me that she enjoyed all of it including the impact play and would love to do more in the future. Now it was the next sentence that excited me a bit. Megan turned and smirked at me and said "maybe next time you'll be the one bound and I'll get to make your cheeks match" I began to blush unable to hide the fact that I would absolutely love that and she smiled at me and then kissed my cheek. "I will take these red cheeks as a yes to that then" she said with a smirk as I cuddled her and we both drifted off to sleep.

#writing #my wrtitng

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andsotheuniverseended · 3 years ago

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i'm late! but i'm ready to hear more about wyn and also about flint bc your older sister energy post gave me vibes :D 4, 8, 19, 22, 38, 49, 58 and 62 for both of them :D

ahhhh aight aight fair warning, i cannot be fully detailed about Flint bc one of the other players there follows me here and there are Things that they don't know and i can't share but here we Go

4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

Wyn: Plane Shift! for kind of complicated in-game lore reasons, but basically she's been looking for a way to get to other planes in order to deal with an interplanar war she accidentally helped start. (at first it was just because she was trying to do something, but she recently actually settled on like a concrete goal and has a direction in life! proud of her)

Flint: she's a druid so she gets a lot of spells... ohhh but they would love to have Mind Blank. they have a lot of secrets and very much don't like the idea of people looking into their head or trying to find things out about them.

8. what are three songs that suit them?

Wyn: *frantically goes to dig out my old wyn playlist*

The Fear by The Score (I've battled hard with the face in the mirror, every scar makes me dig down deeper, push it 'til there's nothing more, 'cause i'm stronger than i was before)

Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush (And if only I could, I'd make a deal with god, and get him to swap our places)

Heavy Cross by Gossip (I trust you it's already been done, undo it, it takes two and it's up to me and you, to prove it)

Flint: *frantically goes to dig out the very new playlist i'm slowly working on*

Come With Me Now by KONGOS (I was born without this fear, now only this seems clear, i need to move i need to fight, I need to lose myself tonight)

Nine by Sleeping At Last (who am i, to say what any of this means?, i have been sleepwalking, since i was fourteen // still i check my vital signs, choked up i realize, i've been less than half myself, for more than half my life)

My Silver Lining by First Aid Kit (i hear a voice, calling out for me, these shackles i've made in an attempt to be free, be it for reason be it for love, i won't take the easy road)

19. what haunts them? what doesn’t?

Wyn: what haunts her is friends that she never made and memories that don't exist for anyone else, the memory of refusing a calling, the lives of the whole material plane on her shoulders. what doesn't haunt her is other people's mistakes, a life she tried to save and couldn't, and the knowledge that she will have to make sacrifices for the greater good.

Flint: everything haunts them. there's not a part of her life that isn't a ghost that follows her around. and since no one else can ever know about them, it's her job to keep them alive and so she can't let herself forget. (truly I can't think of something that doesn't haunt her; she's very good at making specters for herself)

22. what is a promise they’ve broken?

Wyn: she promised to obey and worship her deity, and then denied the calling he set out for her. also she promised to protect and uplift the downtrodden and lowest of the low, and at one point she was standing with her shield between another party member and someone who she thought deserved a second chance, and the party member killed him anyway. it's been... talked about and forgiven, but Wyn still remembers failing to protect someone.

Flint: a long time ago she made a promise to protect someone, and that failed spectacularly. she also promised herself to never use certain abilities she has ever again, and more recently has broken that promise and is trying to remind herself why she made these choices in the first place.

38. what do they smell like?

Wyn: incense. fresh water. metal. a little bit of like grease and oil, like a mechanics shop. sweat, like after a hard work out.

Flint: salt. leather. blood. also sweat but in the slightly grosser hasn't showered way. dirt. something almost like burnt wood?

49. what makes them smile?

this question is so funny because you chose the two characters who like never smile Wyn: bad puns. teasing her fiancee/best friend Recoco. prayer. temples and holy places in general. calm, quiet mornings where she can just kind of vibe. and sheep. and cats.

Flint: kids, mostly. she keeps her emotions on lock down but when she's interacting with kids, she'll lighten up a lot and that's the most likely place to spot a smile on their face. she also enjoys the satisfaction of a job well done, especially in combat, so that can occasionally put a smile on her face.

58. what do they think their role in the party is? what is their role in actuality?

Wyn: she thinks of herself as the healer, protector, and the only one with any kind of moral structure, and therefore responsible for bad things that may happen because she should be able to stand between the party and those kinds of things. in reality she Is the healer and protector in combat situations, and the other party members don't tend to look to her for moral guidance or to take responsibility for things.

Flint: only adult in the group, responsible for the rest of them and making sure they get out of this alive. also considers herself the most practical and experienced in the world at large and so needs to make sure these kids understand the world is filled with bad people. also, support caster! in reality she's only, like, twenty-four and is definitely not a full grown adult and the other party members can take responsibility for themselves. she is definitely the most practical and least trusting of the party, though, and does her best to keep the others from just opening up to anyone they meet. and she is for sure support caster and back up healer as needed.

62. outside of otherworldly forces, what do they believe in?

Wyn: presumably this means besides her god! in that case, her number one belief is Putting In The Effort. if you see something that needs fixing or a job that needs doing, don't just talk about it. pick up some tools and get to work. you made a mistake? okay. accept responsibility for your actions and make changes. you have character flaws? work on them. Be Better. Make An Effort. maybe you can't change the whole world, but you can work on what's right in front of you.

Flint: secrets and legacies. memories are powerful, even if they're not shared. so long as at least one person remembers, even buried things aren't necessarily dead. they also believe in the idea of letting things be as they are. bad things happen and there's nothing you can do about it so don't think about it, don't let it bother you, and keep on going. some secrets are better kept than shared. some secrets can kill.

#the sleeping at last song gets two chunks of lyrics because they both fit very well #also the answer to 19 is. so much more poetic than actual facts sighdufog sorry about that #in my defense also someone who plays with Wyn and doesn't know certain things follows this blog #so some stuff i gotta be a little vague about #all of these answers were. weird and more poetic than factual so if anythings confusing feel free to ask for. details #because i kinda rambled. a lot. about nothing. osidghdfl #Universe Answers #Cledwyn #Flint #dnd #floralprintshark #thank you. as always. for asking. i could ramble about flint and wyn all frickin day

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wintrgarden · 5 years ago

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a latte for your thoughts?

// a fan fiction dedicated to the winter garden couple of hospital playlist //

-----

"Ikjun, do you have my warm cup of hot latte?" Jeong won said, while walking towards him in the hospital's open space to take a break during his night shift.

"Here. Isn't it tiring in the PICU these days?" Ikjun replied with worried eyes.

"A little. I don't mind it though.

Yah, do you remember my liver transplant patient, Mina?"

"Yeah, the one where we had to cut the donor's liver to a quarter because it won't fit the tiny baby's body. What about her?"

"I went to her a while ago. She woke up, and winked at me like this!" Jeongwon lit up whenever he talks about his patients' recovery. His eyes sparkled and his smile widened. He repeated the wink so much that it could have been mistaken for a blink. In fact, he was so giddy that he didn't notice someone approaching.

"Professor Ikjun? The test results of patient Jiwon are out. Could you take a look at it?"

Jang Gyeoul, the third year resident of General Surgery has been standing there for a few moments, waiting for the two professors to actually notice.

While hiding his laugh, Ikjun followed suit. Jeongwon was left on the bench with an unwavering smile on his face.

Looking at him, one would think that his drink was too sweet to make him smile like that. Eavesdropping on their conversation would transform him into a humanitarian. But to delve into his thoughts --- now that, that's a different story.

It's nice to actually see an angel, once in a while. Just enough to keep me on my feet. I might be even enthralled by its eyes that don't wink but are enveloped with fascinating halo-like things. Even if this angel doesn't have wings, it has the most power to chase evil away. I wasn't sure if this angel could save me --- until it actually did.

------

"Yah, Ahn Jeongwon, are you sleeping here again?" Junwan said, while entering their shared office.

"O~ I just finished my night shift. I just lied down."

"Have you eaten?"

"I'll eat later."

"I also haven't eaten yet. Let's eat breakfast."

"Will you stop bugging me if I eat?" Junwan then pulled Jeongwon out of the cot, and dragged him to the packed cafeteria to fall in line.

------

"One iced latte, please. Oh, and a sandwich."

With the same baggy eyes and pale skin, Gyeoul was ordering her morning coffee. Just enough to keep her awake until she gets home.

"Annyeonghaseyo~" She greeted the two professors.

"De~" Jeongwon said, while Junwan nodded in response.

CODE BLUE --- CS. 3RD FLOOR. CODE BLUE --- CS. 3RD FLOOR.

Without a beat, Junwan, a Cardiothoracic Surgery Professor, left hurriedly. Jeongwon was then left alone. Gyeoul took her order and searched for a seat.

"One warm cup of hot latte and a pancake, please."

After getting his order, Jeongwon followed through and tried to find his way in the crowd. It was full of doctors and nurses waiting to start their morning shifts, so the noise was understandable.

"Professor! Here!" Gyeoul pointed to a newly vacant seat in front of her. The morning rush got the best of them that Jeongwon didn't think twice and made his way.

The crowd was boisterous. Jeongwon and Gyeoul's silence was awkward. It was not the kind of environment you'd want after a 12-hour shift.

But it was all worth it. At least for one of them.

"How was the Emergency Room last night?" Jeongwon blurted after taking a bite of his pancake.

"It's okay. There were a lot of unpredictable cases, most of which were tiring, as usual." Gyeoul's detailed answer was so calm. It seemed that the Professor's unexpected friendliness didn't bother her.

"Do you have someone to take you home?"

"What? No. I can go by myself." With a polite tone, Gyeoul showed her surprise with the question.

"I'll give you a ride home."

"No, you don't need to---"

"I insist. I still haven't bought you the meal you asked from me, anyway. Can a ride home suffice?"

Gyeoul was bewildered. But with the professor's kind nature, it seemed like something he would do for literally anyone. He wasn't called the "Buddha" for nothing, anyway.

-----

"It's that apartment on the right, Professor."

"This one?"

"Yes. Thank you for the ride."

"It's not a problem. The next time we catch ourselves on a rough patch, I can take you home again."

Gyeoul smiled. Her first that day. Then, she opened the door to get out.

"Oh, shit! I forgot!" The car stopped. Jeongwon's shock even surprised Gyeoul.

"Why, Professor? What happened?"

"I totally forgot about it. I was scheduled to get my car battery change the other week, then I forgot and was planning to do it today."

Sleeping in the cot that morning wasn't just to save time to rest up. He actually had long, overdue chores and was saving some energy to do them.

"Do you have a contact to a car battery seller?" Gyeoul asked.

"Yeah, I'll contact them now."

It was still early in the morning, around 6 o'clock. The service opened at 9 o'clock, so delivery wasn't possible after an hour or so.

Gyeoul stayed with him until things got settled. It was getting chilly, and the overwhelming fatigue got the best out of Jeongwon.

"Professor, you could rest a little in my place... if you like. You can sleep while waiting."

Jeongwon hesitated a bit, but decided to give in.

------

"I'll just get an extra pillow and some blankets." said Gyeoul, while Jeongwon helped in fixing the convertible sofa bed in her living room.

Once fixed, he sat and removed his shoes.

"You live alone?" he asked Gyeoul once she got back.

"Yes, for a while now." she replied as she handed him the pillow.

"Ah, I see."

"I'll just be in my room. You can call me if you need anything."

"Thank you... Also, I'm sorry for being so troublesome." His shy look gave him away.

"It's nothing, don't worry." Gyeoul smiled, and went into her room.

Jeongwon lied down. He couldn't believe what was happening --- and how the situation could naturally give a wrong impression. If he told Ikjun about this, he would make fun of him and joke about how he got things to escalate so quickly. Junwan would tap him on the back and commend him for finally picking up some tricks of his. Songhwa would be very much amused, and would romanticize the whole situation. Meanwhile, Seokhyeong would remind him that he's an OB-GYN Professor, and that he delivers babies very well. He would be of service to Jeongwon if ever he needed one.

His thoughts started to tone down, and after no time, he was asleep.

-------

"Professor?"

......

"Professor? I fixed some lunch. Do you want to eat?" Gyeoul wore an apron over some loose shirt and pajamas now, and sun was already high up.

Jeongwon looked at his wrist watch.

2:24 PM.

He quickly sat up.

"I'm sorry, did the service arrive? I must have been in a deep sleep."

"Yes, they arrived a few hours ago. I tried to wake you, but you were soundly asleep."

"I'm really sorry. You had to pay them, didn't you? I'll just pay you back."

"The receipts are there, over the table."

Jeongwon went to get them, and was distracted with the smell of food coming from the kitchen.

"Professor, I fixed some lunch for us, if you want to eat..."

He felt ashamed to take another offer, but hearing his stomach grumble made him look the other way, again.

Gyeoul was already fixing the table for two, while Jeongwon sat quietly and contemplated how much trouble he caused her all in a single day.

"I'm really sorry... I meant to wake up, seriously. I was just really tired from last night."

"It's okay." Gyeoul said with a chuckle. "I'm not holding anything against you, Professor." she added as she handed out his chopsticks.

"Thank you for the meal." he then said.

Everything was new to Ahn Jeongwon. He didn't need to wipe the table, or arrange the food, or even wear an apron. He didn't even need to worry if he was going to get enough food, as everything was already at his disposal. This new scenario keeps him gushing.

Being alone with a girl, in her apartment, eating her cooked food, and feeling something that only grown-ups alone in an enclosed space would feel. It wasn't like this was the first time something like this is happening, he often said to himself. It somehow eased his discomfort.

All while knowing the truth that this is in fact the first time.

But it's not like Jeongwon didn't have the opportunity and ability to; he just chose not to. His faith led him to a different path, and he was decisive to go this way. For the longest time, this weighed more than any choice he had to make in his life. But this time, something, or perhaps someone, was gonna tip the scale.

-----

"Yah! Jang Gyeoul! What's this?" Chu Minha screamed as Gyeoul entered the GS Department, in time for another night shift.

Someone left iced latte for her. With a double bacon sandwich. And some patches to ease pain. It came with a written note, saying:

"To my Good Samaritan. Thank you~

---- Ahn Jeongwon"

The handwriting made Gyeoul smile.

"Why did Pediatric Surgeon Prof. Ahn Jeongwon gave you coffee? And why are you smiling?"

"Nothing. It's just to repay a good deed."

"That's the most vague yet unsuspicious answer I've ever heard! Good deeds really cannot be questioned at all. I wish someone would also give me coffee." Minha wouldn't stop, but Gyeoul wasn't listening either.

She focused on the note. And the coffee. And the sandwich.

While remembering the long day with Ahn Jeongwon.

#hospitalplaylist #wintergarden #fanfiction #ahnjeongwon #janggyeoul #shinhyunbin #yooyeonseok

120 notes · View notes

n-ctarinenga · 4 years ago

Text

Flower Boy [ boxer!calum ]

flower boy series | pt.1 | word count: 5,659 | masterlist

"Thank you so much! I'll have these to you as soon as possible. Goodbye!"

Talia grins, as she farewells the family whos portraits she had just finished shooting.

As much as she loves photography, there were only so many matching outfits and unhappy children a person could handle in a day, and with the family that had just left her studio, Talia had reached her limit.

Draining days were something she had gotten used to, business booming lately thanks to the kind words of a handful of past clients. With doors only opening just under a year ago, Valentine Studios didn't exactly have the longest history in town, but Talia liked to believe her dedication and skill made up for lack of experience.

Her mother hadn't really approved of the move, her ideals for her daughter being stuck a few decades in the past.

With the thought of her mother flashing through her mind, Talia couldn't help but sigh as she moved to pack up her camera for the night.

After the great disbandment of the Alisley family, it was nearly impossible for either of the Alisley children to communicate with their mother, but that didn't stop Yvonne from making her annual call to her kids, mostly about the percentage paid out to them every couple weeks from their father's estate royalties, which in Talia's case, was this morning.

From that point onward, it felt like the universe had decided to torment Talia today.

Starting off with the phone call, and most recently manifesting as a set of twins who refused to do any form of posing with their parents, Talia couldn't wait to go home and sleep so she could start the next day fresh and away from the negative vibes of the current day.

Once her backdrops had been rolled up, and her camera was safely stored in its bag, Talia finally had time to let down her dark brown hair, the two bright streaks of red framing her face. She took great pleasure in turning all the lights off, and locking the door of the studio behind her.

Taking a second to relax in her car, Talia looks at her phone, scrolling through til she reaches the contact of her brother, Brandon.

The Alisley family were estranged from each other these days, but that didn't mean that Talia and Brandon had stopped being lifelong best friends.

The two had always been close, only a couple years between the siblings. Growing up in a world surrounded by adults until they themselves were well into their teens, they were practically a package deal until they had both moved into their own apartments a few years ago.

As of late, while Talia was diving head first into Valentine, Brandon was knee deep in The Vault, the gym he had started not long before Talia opened her own business.

Sitting in her car, Talia contemplated calling him for a moment, her finger hovering over the call button as she thought.

With both of them being so busy, they had barely had time to catch up over the last couple months, and after the day she had had today, Talia needed a bit of chill time with the only other person in the world who could understand her situation.

Their father always joked they could communicate telepathically, and after not seeing him for so long, Talia missed speaking her native tongue.

Deciding to make her way over to the gym, Brandon always telling her he was there any Friday night she would try to make plans with him lately, Talia constructed a plan for what she would do once she finally had convinced her brother to stop throwing himself into his work every Friday night.

With The Vault situated downtown, it was a bit of a drive in Los Angeles traffic, but with the thought of the Thai food just up the street from the gym in her mind, Talia couldn't find it in herself to care about the lengthy journey.

The radio softly played one of the many playlists made on Talia's phone as she drove along, windows down and the breeze lightly whipping her hair around as she did her best to relax while she had the chance.

While most people were finishing their work week, Talia, being the head photographer at Valentine, was still one day away from her own weekend, working every Saturday since the studio opened. This made it easier for families to get together for their shoots, not having to worry about getting back to work and getting the kids back to school, and Talia could tell her clients appreciated it, which made the extra day of work worth it to her.

Propping her head up, with her left elbow resting on the top of the door, Talia can't help the frown that flashes onto her face as she approaches the gym.

Expecting to see only Brandon's car and maybe another employee's, the full parking lot beside the building confuses her. How many people would be at a gym after hours?

The confused frown on Talia's face lingers as she parks her car next one she definitely recognised as Brandon's, climbing out and locking it before pocketing her keys and approaching a man who looked slightly familiar, noticing he was one of Brandon's employees as she got closer.

"Johnny," Talia smiles politely, the man turning to her with wide eyes as he recognizes her, "what's happening here?" She asks.

Johnny stutters for a moment, looking around like he rather be anywhere else in the world at this exact moment.

"Oh, here? Just some regulars here for a get together. Your brother left a few hours back though." He says quickly, tripping over his words slightly, almost like he was making a story up as he went along.

Suspicion courses through Talia at the deflective words of the man much taller than she is, and if she didn't already know him, she probably would have been intimidated by his size alone.

"I just parked next to his car though, and it's kinda odd for Brandon to leave the gym open." Talia laughs awkwardly, not trusting of the excuse she was being given when she knew her brother better than to leave not only his business open, but also his car unlocked outside it.

"I think I'll just check things out for myself thanks Johnny." Talia states, before taking a step forward towards the entrance.

Sensing her disbelief, and his face turning to one of panic, Johnny takes a step sideways, blocking the door from Talia's path.

"Brandon said that you were banned from Friday nights. I'm sorry Talia." He finally says, and Talia can't help the look of surprise that covers her face.

"Me? Banned from the Vault? I hardly think so mate." She laughs, taking advantage of the height difference between them to duck under Johnny's arm, easily pushing the door open into the gym.

Immediately, Talia is met with a wall of noise.

A crowd, some seated, some not, surround the central boxing ring at the center of the building. The usual smell of cleaning supplies and sweat is amplified by the stench of beer radiating through the whole building, but even then, the thing that grabs Talia's attention isn't the crowd or their behavior, but instead, what they're watching.

In the center of the ring, two large, well built men circle each other. Talia watches on in horror for only a moment before one man launches his fist forward towards the others stomach, and it's in this moment she realizes that the men aren't wearing gloves, but thin bloodied wraps.

The crowd roar with a wave of life as the punch connects, the second man doubling over and leaving himself exposed to an onslaught the first delivers without hesitation.

Even with the presence of Johnny behind her, the only thing Talia can see is the pure violence playing out in front of her, realization growing by the second as her eyes finally break away from the ring to where her brother stands at the back of the crowd.

She can't help but think her father might have been right about the telepathy, because almost as if he could sense her eyes on him, Brandon's own find her.

All of the colour drains from Brandon's face as he excuses himself from the black haired man he's talking to, running around the outside of the crowd to reach his sister, who stands frozen in place.

He says nothing as he grabs Talia's hand, pulling her sideways into the office room to the right of the building, easily tugging her past the back of the crowd that still stare focused into the ring.

The clinical white lights above them come to life as Brandon flicks the switch beside the door, shutting it behind him quickly before he turns back to Talia.

"What are you doing here?" He asks quickly, inspecting her as if she was a wounded animal ready to pounce.

Fighting her disbelief at the situation and his question, Talia's eyes go wide as a wave of anger washes over her at his question.

"What am I doing here? What the fuck is that shit, Brandon?!" She throws back at him, her voice louder and stronger than she expected it to come out of her.

Waving his hands panicked, trying to get her to lower her voice, Brandon tries to shush her, which only makes her more ticked off.

"Look you weren't supposed to see that-"

"Answer my fucking question or I'll start screamin' it." She threatens, cutting him off mid sentence.

An angry and frustrated expression settles on his face as Brandon let's out a huff, not knowing how to word his explanation and remaining silent while he tries to find the right words.

"Is this why you've been blowing me off for months? You got some fucking fight club bullshit going on here instead?" She questions further, her voice breaking slightly with stress.

"I can't tell you all the fucking details in one breath, Talia. I wasn't exactly expecting you to find out like this."

Brandon argues, throwing his hand up in annoyance, which only confuses her more.

"What makes you think you have the right to be angry at me when you're the one that has the explaining to do?"

"Fuck! Alright! I get it!" He whisper yells harshly, face twisting in anger and making the siblings look even more alike than usual, Talia taking a step back at his sudden outburst, "look, the money is gonna get cut off one day, I'm thinking about my future, OUR futures here. That's what this shit is about."

"And what exactly is this shit, Brandon?" Talia asks, aggressively pointing towards the door that barely separated them from the crowd.

"It's boxing. Same shit you see on TV, just, not as commercial."

"This isn't the same shit as on TV! Those guys aren't even wearing gloves!" She argues, smacking the back of her hand as she speaks.

"Bare knuckle and wraps get better bets, the guys make their own decisions on if they do it or not." Brandon defends as he crosses his arms.

Talia shakes her head in annoyance, her face twisting. Everything was happening so quickly, meaning she barely had enough time to process all the information being thrown at her.

"You're scared of mommy cutting off the royalties so this is what you do instead?" She asks.

"The money is gonna get cut off and it's gonna be sooner rather than later. Do you expect me to suck up forever? To hide Sam til she dies too? Mom hates both of us now and you know it just as well as I do."

Talia feels her throat tighten at his words. Her stomach felt like it was close to emptying its content as the gut punch of his words hit her at a hundred miles per hour.

"Shut the fuck up. You know I love Sam and you know I don't want to do it just as much as you don't want to. But you're right, it will be sooner if she finds out about this." She spits back.

Taking a step towards him, arms crossed, Talia holds steady eye contact as she looks up to her brother.

"You're not the only one she can fuck over. When she finds out and cuts me off too, what the fuck are we gonna do, huh?" She whispers harshly as the crowd outside the room bursts into life again, the next round starting.

Brandon breaks the eye contact between them as he stares at the ground, fists clenched at his sides as the obvious stress of the situation flashes across his face.

"She won't, not yet."

Talia rolls her eyes as her arms uncross, leaning back against his desk.

"Mom always finds out."

"She won't this ti-"

Brandon is interrupted by the office door swinging open, a tall man with blonde hair and a panicked look on his face ignoring Talia to address Brandon the second his eyes land on him.

"Hood's broken Knight's nose." He says in a rush, causing Brandon to groan, following the man out the door before turning back to Talia.

"Don't leave this office, I'll be back soon."

Talia throws her brother a sarcastic thumbs up before he rushes off, the door clicking shut behind him.

Talia felt like her mind was in the worst spin she'd ever experienced. Finally the late nights, the astronomical bills being excused as gym costs, the secrets, they all made sense.

As angry as she was with her brother, she was more worried about him than anything.

Seeing the crowd, the action in the ring, it was more than just the sparring she would see from time to time as she made the rounds to check in on things. These people were out for blood, and would throw as much money as they needed at it to make it happen. This wasn't the kind of thing she ever expected Brandon to be involved in, and it shocked her that he's involved in that world obviously as more than just a spectator.

Sitting down in the office chair, Talia rests her elbows on the desk in front of her, covering her face with her hands as she tries to take a deep breath to calm her nerves, but jumping as the crowd outside roars again.

This wasn't something she was familiar with, and the uncharted territory this laid out in front of her felt like a minefield. Both her brother's lies, and the violence they were hiding.

With her anxiety peaking as she sits deep in her thoughts, she nearly yelps as the office door flies open, a tall man coming in and looking around for someone, before their eyes finally land on Talia.

If the sharp jawline, dark eyes and deadly look on his face didn't take her breath away, the ripped and bruised skin under his eye sure did.

A seemingly permanent scowl was set on the man's face, and his height and all black outfit just added to the intimidating stance he has as he lets the door swing shut behind him.

Talia couldn't help but notice that the man is attractive, even with blood dripping down his face, noticing his hair closely cropped to his head, apart from the wild bleached curls that fell onto his forehead.

For a brief moment, the angry look on the man's face softens upon seeing the smaller woman sitting behind his boss's desk, but it's instantly replaced by a look of confusion.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asks, his voice deeper than she expected with an unfamiliar accent laced into his words.

Slightly taken back, Talia frowns, withdrawing from the desk and standing up behind it, her defensive nature quickly taking over.

"I'm Talia Alisley, who the fuck are you?"

This time it's the man that's taken back, his eyebrows shooting up as he scoffs, arrogance in spades and tension building by the second as Talia crosses her arms in front of herself.

"I'm Calum Hood," He says, and Talia freezes.

Hood. Was he the Hood that the blonde man was talking about? The one who apparently had broken the nose of the guy Brandon was checking on?

"and I'm guessing you're the precious little sister." He comments, and this time it's Talia that raises her eyebrow. Did Brandon mention her to these guys?

"Too right I am, so don't fuck with me and we should be fine. Brandon said he'd be back soon." She replies, sitting back down with her arms still crossed and the scowl on her face settling in while in his presence.

Deep down, Talia knew it was probably a bad idea to piss off the guy who was not only bleeding, but the cause of a broke nose two rooms over, but her pride and defensive nature was far more powerful than the anxiety swirling in her stomach.

"No need to worry about that, princess." Calum rolls his eyes in annoyance. If Brandon was gonna send him to his office, he could at least show up instead of wasting his time, and give him a warning.

Talia was thankful in that moment for the low light of the room on account of the desk lamp being off, hiding the blush that made her ears burn. Yeah, he might be a dickhead, but he was still an attractive dickhead.

Slumping down into the chair opposite Talia with a huff, Calum shakes his head, while Talia stays stone faced across from him.

"You alright?" She asks after a moment, referring to where blood still sits on his cheekbone.

Calum frowns at her attitude change, not aware of the injury that he sustained from Knight's ringed hand landing a right hook before Calum landed his own.

In his defense, Knight should have known better than to touch his gear.

With the confused look flashing across his face for a longer period this time, Talia can't help but roll her eyes.

"You're bleeding under your eye, bro." She points out.

As Calum reaches up to touch his cheek, the door opens, the blonde man from before walking in with Brandon in toe as Talia thanks her lucky stars.

"Not gonna lie I thought you would have left by now." Brandon says, looking at Talia first while her eyes stay on the actions of the blonde man opening a medical kit on the desk.

"Oh don't worry, I want to." She comments.

"So do I, can I go now?" Calum directs towards Brandon as the blonde man touches an alcohol wipe to his cheek, making his aggressive expression falter slightly.

"Once Luke says you're okay and once I've dealt with you, yes." He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Look," Talia says, standing up and holding her hands up in surrender, "obviously you've got a lot of shit going on here right now so we'll deal with this tomorrow." She gestures between them, walking around the desk and past the three men.

Letting out a sigh, Brandon sends her a look of appreciation.

"Thanks T, text me when you get home." He replies, to which she sends him a short nod.

"Luke, can you walk her out?" He asks, turning to the man getting up from kneeling in front of Calum.

"Yeah, no worries." He smiles, taking his gloves off and throwing them in the bin.

Walking out the door with Luke, Talia winces at the loudness of the crowd, thankful for the taller, now calm, man standing between them and herself.

"I'm Luke, by the way." He smiles kindly, holding his hand out for Talia to shake as they make it to the door.

"Talia. Gotta be honest, I wish this was under better circumstances." She smiles tightly back at him, shaking his hand.

"Yeah," he laughs, "me too."

As they make it outside, Talia leads Luke around the building to where her car sits, right next to Brandon's.

"Well, this is me." She says, signalling to her car with the keys in her hand. "Thanks for walking me past all of that."

"No problem. Drive safe." Luke says with a small wave to her, and she gives him an appreciative smile.

"You too. See you 'round, Luke."

Climbing into her car, Talia sighs, relaxing only slightly in the familiar surroundings.

As she pulls away from the curb, Luke sends her a final wave before walking back into the gym.

Driving away, the adrenaline of the situation starts to wear off, and the reality of the situation starts to sink in.

"God, I'm gonna fucking kill him." Talia mutters to herself, turning the radio up and going over the night's events in her head as she drives back to her apartment.

The next morning, Talia awakes with a rock of dread weighing down her stomach.

Her mind immediately flashes back to the events of the night before, and as she showers, gets dressed and locks her apartment door, it almost felt like she wore the dread of the impending conversation she needed to have with her brother as a scarf tied too tightly around her neck.

Instead of heading straight to the studio and editing the photos of the last few days as usual, Talia instead took a deep breath as she started heading back towards Vault, having a couple hours to hopefully get answers before her first clients for the day were set to arrive at eleven.

The parking lot beside Vault sat a lot emptier today. Only a handful of cars sprinkled around, and just like last night, Talia pulls into the space beside Brandon's car.

Taking a moment before walking in, Talia leans back in her seat, closing her eyes.

She was scared. Of Brandon's explanation, of possibly having to accept whatever the fuck she had witnessed last night, of walking out more confused than she was about to walk in.

Her and Brandon had grown up play fighting, and catching an odd round or two when their dad decided to watch Friday Fight Night, but violence had never really been part of their lives in a physical form. Apart from a questionable wrestling phase when she was 14, Talia couldn't even remember the last time she saw two people in a ring together that wasn't casual sparring when she would frequent the gym in its early days.

None of it compared to what she saw last night.

With what happened still fresh in her mind, Talia climbs out of her car, pushing the door shut behind her.

Johnny doesn't stand by the entrance this morning, meaning Talia easily walks into the gym, the door squeaking slightly in protest as she pushes it open.

It's almost like nothing had even happened. All the equipment that was pushed against a wall last night now sits in its normal place, the shelves of alcohol behind the check in desk now stocked with protein powders like less than twelve hours ago the counter wasn't a very convincing bar.

Hearing her come in the door, a couple people look up from what they're doing, sending Talia a polite smile before returning to their work.

Calum Hood is not one of these people.

Almost like the universe had put a glowing neon sign over his head, Talia's eyes instantly wander towards where Calum stands next to the black haired man she recognized as the same person Brandon was talking to last night when she arrived.

Noticing her too, Calum’s encouragement of his best friend is interrupted by his eyes catching a flash of blue hair in his peripheral vision.

While he knew any animosity towards the woman who could probably have him fired with a few fake tears was a bad idea to hold onto, he couldn't help but feel annoyed upon seeing her in what he thought of as his domain.

Face settling into a frown as she looks across the room to the man who easily got on her nerves last night, Talia almost doesn't notice Brandon coming up behind her.

"Hey." He greets quietly, holding a takeaway cup of coffee out to his sister. "Time for that talk, huh?"

"Yeah. Think so." She takes the coffee with a nod of thanks, and hesitantly follows him to his office.

Talia couldn't tell if Brandon was trying to suck up to her with free coffee, but after sitting down at the chair in front of his desk and taking a sip, tasting vanilla latte, she knows he is.

"So, where should we start?" He asks, settling into his seat with a heavy sigh.

Talia scoffs lightly, raising her eyebrow.

"The beginning would be good."

Brandon nods, looking down at his desk to avoid meeting her eyes.

"The fights started around one, maybe two months after we opened, so we've been hosting them for about fourteen months now."

Talia's eyes go wide, disbelief covering her face as she places her cup on his desk forcefully.

"You're telling me you've been hiding this shit for over a year?" She asks, anger already starting to build.

"Yeah, and if you haven't fucking noticed, it's not been the easiest thing to do." He snaps, before holding his hands up, taking a deep breath and rolling his seat back slightly to calm himself, too much tension already in the air.

Talia bites her tongue, looking down at her hands before she signals to him to continue.

"A friend of mine, Ashton, he was part of an illegal boxing league running out of a rundown place up in Hollywood. I saw him fight there a couple times, saw the conditions myself. The guy running the show was a complete asshole to his guys, but they all needed the money, so they stuck around." He explains, voice quieter than before.

"One night we got to talking. I asked Ash if he thought we might be able to make our own ring, give people a safer place to earn their money. Then we figured out how much we could earn from it, and with shit going so wrong with mom, I figured that if she pulled the rug out from under me, I could use the league as a safety net."

Piecing together the timeline in her head, and doing the best to absorb the information given to her, Talia remains silent and slowly nods along when needed.

"Him and I have built this thing from the ground up, and it's working for us. I manage the books, he manages the guys, and we take care of the admin together. With my connections to the rich assholes who have more money than they know what to do with, and with Ashton's connection to the guys who need that money and want to do it, we're doing really, really well, Talia."

This time it's Talia who avoids eye contact, looking down to her shoes as she curses the logical side of her brain for seeing sense in his story.

"How many people do you have fighting for you?" She asks.

Brandon let's out a heavy breath, waving his hand slightly.

"Around twenty, twenty five. We keep the doors open for the more occasional guy who needs the cash that week."

"And how often are the nights like last night happening?"

"Weekly. Every Friday, normally."

Seeing the hesitation on her face, bottom lip pulled between her teeth, Brandon sits forward to bring her attention to him, her eyes flicking up to meet his.

"I know this is a lot, and I don't expect you to be okay with it, but I do want you to know I'm being smart about this."

Talia sighs, taking a sip of her drink before speaking.

"I know you, so I don't doubt it. It's just so dangerous, Brandon. You can't expect me not to be worried about you."

Brandon laughs lightly, trying to lift the mood slightly.

"I would never expect you not to worry. It's not in your nature."

A small smile tugs at the corners of Talia's lips, and it's enough to ease his mind.

"Anything you want to know about the ring, the business, any of it, I'll answer as best as I can. I trust you more than anyone and I want to do everything I can to make you feel okay with this, and make up for holding it from you."

Talia hazards a look to her brother, seeing on his face that he's been open and honest with her.

"You know I always ask too many questions." She smiles, joking lightly as she referenced something she would hear almost daily from her mother growing up.

Brandon shakes his head as he laughs, taking a sip of his own drink.

"If you get too much for me, I'll just pass you on to Ashton. It's what normally happens around here." He shrugs slightly, before tilting his head.

"Actually, do you want to meet him? He should be around out there." He asks, and Talia mulls the idea over for a moment before agreeing. After all, it would probably be best to know who she would castrate if something happened to Brandon.

"Sure, might as well." She agrees, downing the last of her drink and tossing her cup into the small recycling bin under his desk.

Standing up and following Brandon out of his office, Talia can feel her nerves already starting to act up, and does her best to shove them down as she follows him towards the bench press where the black haired man who she now assumed was Ashton, and Calum stood.

"Hey, guys. I got someone for you to meet." Brandon says, catching their attention as they approach.

Ashton sends her a warm smile as she steps out from behind Brandon, which is a nice contrast from the cold glare Calum sends her way, which she ignores to return the smile instead.

"Ashton, Calum, this is my sister, Talia. Talia, this is the demon on my shoulder Ash, and my blue rock em sock em man Calum."

"We've met." Calum says bluntly, while Ashton raises his eyebrow.

"And we haven't. Nice to meet you, I assure you Brandon's told us nothing but good things." Ashton grins, holding his hand out for her to shake.

Talia takes his hand and can't help but notice how strong his grip is without what looks like any effort, and laughs lightly.

"I'd hope so, but I can't promise my staff have heard the same about him. It's nice to meet you too." She returns, letting her hand drop to her side before she acknowledges the man beside him.

"And yeah, charmed." Talia prods lightly, seeing Calum trying to hide the roll of his eyes from Brandon.

"Talia is gonna be spending more time around, getting to know the workings when she can. I said if she annoys me too much I'm gonna pass her on to you, so fair warning." Brandon informs them, tapping Ashton's arm as he directs his sentence to him.

"Fantastic." Talia hears Calum mutter, not loud enough for the other two to hear it, but just enough that she does.

This time, it's Talia that rolls her eyes at Calum.

As conversation is made, Calum can't help but feel hyper aware of Talia, and the sun shining in from the high windows casting sunbeams through the few red hairs that fell out of her bun and framed her face delicately. He would admit that Talia was pretty, beautiful even, but not audibly, especially not in front of the girl who felt no hesitation in sending him a death glare every few minutes.

The small group spend ten or so minutes talking with each other before Talia's phone rings, letting her know she should start making her way to the studio.

"Looks like I should be getting to work." Talia says, slipping her phone back into her pocket.

"What do you do, if you don't mind me asking?" Ashton inquiries, genuine interest in his tone, making her see why Brandon was such a fan of him.

Talia believed she could read people well, and from her first impression of Ashton, she got nothing but good vibes.

"I'm a photographer, I own my own studio called Valentine." She smiles proudly, and Ashton nods his head in approval.

"My girlfriend works just down the road from you I think! It's not far from Dominion Books, right?"

Pleasant surprise spreads across Talia's face as she nods, happy to have found a common link.

"Yeah! I think I might have seen you there in passing now I think about it." She smiles.

Brandon watches on with joy as he sees both Talia and Ashton getting along, so happy about it in fact that he didn't even notice Calum looking like he would rather be anywhere else in the world.

Talia says her goodbyes to the men before turning to leave, her attention being called back before she makes it too far.

"If you ever need a fill in hunk for a photo shoot, you know who to call." Ashton jokes, sending a wink in her direction.

"Yeah, you can get your brother to pass you my number any time." Calum says sarcastically, surprising her but also making her scoff as she takes a few steps backwards before turning around.

"In your dreams, darlin'." She calls over her shoulder.

As the door swings shut behind her, Calum feels like his feet are glued to the floor, the eyes of his best friend burning into him as Brandon excuses himself to mock throw up against the wall.

"What's that all about between you two?" Ashton asks Calum quietly, picking up his water bottle as Calum picks up his own, holding it up and speaking casually before taking a sip.

"No idea what you're talking about mate."

TAGLIST | @spicycal @calmlftv @irwinkitten @mrandleer @candidcal @lukeskisses @wallflowercal @brooklynsninenine @whereveryouares @everyscarisahealingplace

#calum hood #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagine #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer blurb #5sos #5sos fanfic

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lee-donghun · 5 years ago

Text

Friends Don't

Fandom: hotel stars

Pairing: Neungkay

"They don't cancel other plans

Have conversations with nothing but their eyes

They don't hear each other's names and forget to concentrate

Hits a nerve and lights you up like dynamite

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night

Couldn't even tell you why

They just felt like saying "hi"

Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys

Finding reasons not to leave

Trying to hide the chemistry

Drive a little too slow, take the long way home

Get a little too close

We do, but friends don't

They don't almost say "I love you"

When they're downtown somewhere, just a little drunk

They don't talk about the future and put each other in it

And get chills with every accidental touch

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night

Couldn't even tell you why

They just felt like saying "hi"

Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys

Finding reasons not to leave

Trying to hide the chemistry

Drive a little too slow, take the long way home

Get a little too close

We do, but friends don't

I keep telling myself this might be nothing

But one look in your eyes and, God, there's something

You can lie to me and say you don't

But I know you do, and I love you too

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night

Couldn't even tell you why

They just felt like saying "hi"

Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys

Finding reasons not to leave

Trying to hide the chemistry

Drive a little too slow, take the long way home

Get a little too close

We do, but friends don't

Uh uh uh

Friends don't"

("Friend's Don't"- Maddie and Tae)

Kay supposed the timing of the song to come up on his playlist was the universe trying to tell him something. He couldn't even count how many times he listened to the song, wishing, hoping that the words would ring true; that Neung could actually like him back. He liked Neung for years, but the possibility of it being mutual has always just been a fantasy. Then suddenly, Neung leans in to kiss him. He should have been bursting with joy for he has always dreamed of that moment. Yet, he panicked and pushed him away. For this, he felt terrible. Neung wouldn't even look at him afterwards and his out in the bathroom.

He couldn't tell you why he panicked, truly. Realistically he knew that Neung would never do anything to hurt him. He wouldn't play a trick that cruel on him. Neung knew what he was doing, and it had no malicious intent. Yet, Kay still pushed him away. He wished he could take it back because even if he was fooling himself- at least he would finally get a real kiss from him. Not an accidental one, not one from a game of "spin the bottle", not one from being under a mistletoe either, but a real kiss. He knew though, that he couldn't go back. He had to live with the fact that he lost his chance- and maybe even his best friend.

He didn't even why he was scared. As previously said, he knew that Neung wasn't cruel- not to him anymore. He also knew that their friendship had always been different. No else hand fed their friends, always had an arm around the other, smile at touches, nor do they get lost in their own little world together. Yet, the part of Kay that never let Kay make a real move was winning by telling him that 'all best friends are like that. Kay must have just never noticed it. Neung could never like him- or any guy for that matter. He's just confused"

Kay sighed as he tried to shake away his thoughts. He wanted to believe Neung liked him, he wanted it more than anything, but he couldn't.

Kay checked the time, and noted that it was past midnight already. How long had he been laying there? How long has it been since Neung left not only the bathroom, but the room as well?

Worriedly, Kay texted Neung.

Kay

Where are you??

It's late.

Read

Kay got no reply, which only worried him further. They have had arguments before that drove the other away for a night, but both have always made sure the other knew where to find them. Immediately, he knew that time wouldn't solve the problem. The boys needed to talk this out and fast. He couldn't risk losing Neung. Not now, and not ever.

Kay

Neung?

Please answer me.

We need to talk.

Read.

nce again, Neung did not reply. He texted several more times, but it was no avail. In fact, Neung stopped reading the messages all together after the second one. Still, Kay wouldn't let this be the last of it. All of Neung's things were here- including the uniform he needed for his shift tomorrow. So he knew that even if Neung avoided the break room, that the two would have to meet up at some point. Until then, Kay would just have to wait. Soon, they'd be laughing together again- they had to be.

Although, Kay did have an idea until then so he would at least know Neung was safe. He texted the others, asking if Neung was with any of them. Fortunately for Kay, Kin swiftly replied that Neung was in his and Pong's room. Kay did wonder how that would work with 2 beds and 3 people, but he rationalized that the beds were probably pushed together to allow for more space.

Kay pulled his covers over his eyes, as he tried to ignore the empty bee beside him. To the sound of his music though, he was eventually able to drift off to sleep- even if it was a fitful one.

------------

For most of the day, Neung had successfully avoided Kay as excepted. However, at the end of the night, Kay had trapped Neung in the room. He had made sure none of the others allowed Neung to stay with them by explaining that it was crucial that him and Neung had a talk. Though no one knew what had expired between them, they understood what he was getting at. With nowhere to go, Neung was left to sleep in their shared room.

"Neung- you can't keep avoiding me!" Kay started as soon as Neung had settled on his bed.

"It's what's best Kay."

"No it isn't! What's best is us talking about what happened."

"It's too late for that. Besides, I'm doing you a favor by staying away."

"What do you mean? We're friends- friend's dont-"

"FRIEND'S DON'T HURT EACHOTHER!" Neung yelled, before continuing in a broken voice, "Friend's don't kiss their friends"

"Neung-"

"Friend's don't fall in love with the other."

Kay didn't bother replying. Instead, he went up to Neung before he could be stopped and he kissed him. Before he knew it, Neung was responded and both of their hands had started to move on their own accord. Kay didn't know how Neung was feeling, but he was in pure bliss.

'Neung was right about one thing' thought Kay, 'Friend's didn't kiss eachother, but mutual crushes did.'

Soon, both pulled away, panting slightly to retain their breaths.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away. I just- I panicked. I wanted to kiss you for real for song but I didn't think you felt the same."

"Of course I felt the same. I admit that I didn't realize my feelings until the program started, but I do feel the same. When you pushed me away though I thought-"

"I know Neung. I'm sorry for giving you the wrong idea."

"No- I'm the one that should be sorry. I should have talked about my feelings first- or at least asked before kissing you."

"Let's call it a draw, alright?"

"If you agree to be my boyfriend?"

"I thought you would never ask."

---------- END OF ONE-SHOT ------------

-to heal our hearts until Neung and Kay talk things through

-So I was going to not even have Kay push Neung away- but then I remembered that fluff is not my strong suit

-I wrote this all at once so expect errors

-Kin and Pong absolutely subconsciously clung to eachother in their sleep while Neung was there

-i can't dialogue so uh- pretend they not only sound like themselves but also like actual human beings

@stickers-on-a-laptop @petra-dragneel (I mentioned what happened in the episode I believe to you Pet)

#neungkay #domestic gays #hotel stars the series #hotel stars #hotelstarstheseries

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bakusquadup · 6 years ago

Note

(omg i hit send accidentally!!! I'm so sorry!!) hi!! i noticed your writing's incredibly good and i couldn't help myself from requesting! i was wondering if it was okay to ask for a scenario of bakugou's s/o being insecure of how great uraraka and him are getting along and just overall really insecure about her?? and one day she misunderstands something she sees going on between them? and she becomes a zombie (+)

Hey friend! I’ve been planning to answer this ask for awhile now because GOD I LOVE ANGST. Fluff is great, but I thrive off angst, so I’m excited to write this. Also, I deleted the first message you sent awhile ago because it was cut short, so I don’t even remember if you accidentally did it off-anon anyway! Anyway, enjoy! (It’s about 2.5k, so it’s more fic length than drabble)

-Shelley

Bakugou Katsuki

“Don’t think you’ll get away with that next time, Round Face.” You rounded the hallway corner to overhear your boyfriend intimidating Uraraka; except, he didn’t sound threatening in the way he usually did, voice loud and coarse with a handful of curses thrown in. Instead, Bakugou spoke in a goading, playful manner. You felt your chest clench in protest and your muscles tighten in fear, but you fought off the jealousy, knowing it was completely unnecessary. Bakugou cared about you and Uraraka was your friend. They’d never do anything to hurt you. Your anxiety could just shove it.

You’d been resisting your jealousy over Uraraka for a few months now. Once second year started, the two had gotten much friendlier than first year, actually capable of holding continuous conversations without yelling – a feat for Bakugou with anyone. Once the sports festival passed, the two became obsessed with rematches and you felt that there wasn’t any room for you to fit in the middle of their relationship. You worried Bakugou was pulling away from you as well.

“Hmmmm,” Uraraka hummed to herself. “I’m pretty sure I will.” She giggled and spun around on her heel, leaving Bakugou to sputter a few words of disagreement before she was gone. He shook his head slightly.

“Katsuki!” you called out, walking toward your boyfriend. He turned to you, slanted grin leftover on his face from speaking with Uraraka. Your chest tightened again. “What were you two talking about?” You did your best to smile warmly and angled your head slightly in curiosity.

“Oh,” he paused, “nothing. Just something about training.” Hoping that he would explain further, you raised a brow. He opened his mouth for a moment, considering, but then closed it again, like a fish gulping water. His eyes darted up to the clock behind you. “Shit! We’re going to be late!” He snatched your hand from beside your thigh. He ran down the hallway and you stumbled after him. Guess that was all you were going to hear on the subject. It was probably nothing.

No, you trusted Bakugou; it was definitely nothing.

Later that day, you meandered down the hallway, heading back from Recovery Girl after receiving minimal injuries in training. The school was mostly empty as everyone had gone back to the dorms for the night. The late afternoon sun streamed through the windows, a golden glow being cast into your eyes and distorting your vision in a butterscotch hue. Still, it was warm, so you walked slowly. You had an exhausting day and fatigue was creeping up on you to begin with, the sun pulling it out faster than before.

“I don’t know how to say it.” Your boyfriend’s voice ripped you from your daze. “I just…I’ve never said it to anyone before.” You slowed to a crawl, sneaking toward the open door where the voice was coming from, quiet so as not to give yourself away. What was he talking about? And to whom?

“It’s okay.” Uraraka’s voice. There was the tightness in your chest again. You shook your head, attempt to expel the negative thoughts, but remained hidden outside the door, hoping to hear something that quelled your anxieties. From inside the room, you could hear Bakugou side.

“Okay, okay…fuck, I can do this,” he muttered. “Here goes.” A long stretch of silence. “I love you.”

Your stomach dropped. Your hearing went fuzzy as your mind went blank and the ringing drowned out any thoughts you may have had. You didn’t think. You couldn’t. Instead, you walked your numb body out of the building.

When you pushed the doors open, the sun which had previously felt warm and comfortable, was now harsh and blinding. The sounds of cars racing by and students milling about sounded loud and grating, yet simultaneously muffled by your buzzing ears. Suppressing your desire to cry, you shuffled your way back to the dorm.

Once in your room, you slinked your way to bed, fell face-first into the pillows and screamed. Not a real scream, but the kind of scream one does when they need to cry, but the tears won’t come out. The hoarse, choked scream that could only be heard by those listening very closely.

You rotated between crying, the hoarse screaming, angrily forming texts to Bakugou, and watching TV shows in an attempt to distract yourself. It wasn’t until just before two in the morning that you managed to finally sleep, having not been productive all night.

You awoke to find yourself still wearing your clothes from yesterday, your blanket and sheets on the floor, and your head twisted at an uncomfortable angle atop your pillow. Sitting up, you put your hand to the back of your neck and rolled your head around in an attempt to prevent further discomfort. While doing so, you caught sight of your clock from across the room. 4:15. After all the drama last night, the crying, the stress, the obsessively writing and rewriting – and eventually deleting – angry texts to Bakugou, you had been hoping you would be able to stay in bed late. Two and a half hours was hardly a full night’s rest.

Might as well use the time you had. You knew that sitting around trying to fall back asleep wouldn’t do you any good because you would just wind up thinking back to yesterday. You wanted a distraction for now.

Throwing your legs over the side of the bed, you felt the full weight of your fatigue as your creaky limbs settled back in place and your shaky lungs struggled to breathe normally. You stumbled about in the dark over to your dresser, pulling out a pair of joggers, a sports bra, and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Hopefully, that would be warm enough for the weather. You put the clothes on and snagged your phone and earbuds from your desk, heading out.

As you walked down the hallway, you were careful to move as quietly as possible – partially because you didn’t want to wake anyone, partially because it was late and you weren’t supposed to be leaving the dorm in the first place. You slipped down the stairs, swiveling your head as you went, just to be safe, but soon found yourself standing in the chilly morning air.

The moon had already set for the night, so the sky was pitch black, an expanse of inky abyss with the occasional light spot of the stars. It was cold – colder than you had anticipated – but you weren’t going back in for a jacket. You figured that the jog would warm you up, so you put in your headphones, queued up your exercise playlist, and cranked the volume way up. You bounced on the balls of your feet, then set out. No better way to fight off negative emotions than loud music and endorphins, right?

A little after 5, your phone buzzed.

You paused for a moment, leaning onto a tree and pulling it out of your pocket. Your breathing froze for a moment when you saw the text.

Bakugou Katsuki: I know it’s fucking early, but are you up? Thought you seemed weird last night, are you good now?

Something about seeing his name on the screen just made you lose it all over again. A sob welled up in your throat and you had to fall to the ground, nails digging into the crown of your head. You ripped your headphones from your ears, suddenly unable to stand the upbeat music. You sat there and you cried.

A week later and your routine had remained pretty consistent – maybe not healthy, but consistent. You had class, anxiously stressed about Bakugou, went to bed too late, woke up too early, went for a run before everyone else woke up, took a shower, did what homework you could manage, then stared blankly at the wall until class. Rinse and repeat. All while avoided both Uraraka and Bakugou, too afraid to hear what they had to say.

That Thursday, your class was set to do a battle-royale style training session. Every student for themselves, the goal is to be the last student standing. People get out by having their bandanas stolen – similar to flag football, or the like – that they must keep on their person. It had been announced a few weeks ago and you had been excited for it, but you weren’t particularly excited about anything the past week. You were mostly floating through the school day.

Still, you decided that you would go all-out. Running seemed to be a mostly effective distraction method, so a training session would probably be the same. You just had to ensure you stayed away from Bakugou and Uraraka.

“Everyone has five minutes to find a place to start,” Present Mic stood in front of the class in the training arena. Everyone was dressed in their hero costumes and chattering excitedly to each other. “Remember, that anytime you take someone’s bandana, you must tie it to yourself somewhere and others may also steal that one from you. Any bandana stolen is an out. If you get out, return here.” You glanced away from the hero for a splint second to look at Bakugou who was on the other side of the pack. Noticing her was looking straight at you, you averted your gaze back to Present Mic. Bakugou would most definitely be angry about that, but you weren’t up for interacting with him just yet. “On your marks…” You prepped yourself to make a run for it. “Get set…” Knees bent, ready to go. “Go!” Everyone raced off in different direction. You chose to head toward a large building, give yourself room to blend in and sneak around. It would give you more opportunities to activate your quirk.

Once inside, you tucked yourself just beyond the entryway, ready to reach out and touch any passersby. After a few minutes, Kaminari darted by and you managed to graze his shoulder with your fingertips. Snapping, you activated your quirk. Kaminari froze, then spun around a few times, disoriented. Your quirk deprived a person of all their senses. The only requirement to activate it was that the person be touched first. The effects wore off depending on how much of them you touched and for how long, though.

“[Y/N]!” he yelled at full-volume. “That’s not fair!” Walking up behind him, you grabbed his bandana and snapped again to undo your quirk. He pulled back, surprised by your sudden appearance next to him. “I was really hoping to last longer…” He pursed his lips and raised his brows at you. “Give me a do-over?”

“Not today,” you said, already tying the stolen bandana to your arm. “I’m playing to win.” Leaving Kaminari to find his way back to Present Mic, you sprinted through a few back alleys to find a new hiding spot. Your muscles cried out in fatigue, probably from the extra running every morning, and your head went spinning in a series of sharp headaches. Fighting off the pain, you kept running. You slid behind a dumpster near the center of the arena.

You only had to wait there a moment before your next victim ran by. You managed to hit Mineta square in the back and made quick work of him, just as you had Kaminari.

That pattern continued through two more students, but the sprinting was starting to get to you. Pausing for a moment, you leaned against a wall to catch your breath, chest heaving with the labor of inhaling.

“[Y/N]?” Jumping upright into a defensive position, you turned toward the source of the voice. Uraraka stood at the end of the alley, brows furrowed in worry. She took a few cautious steps toward you. “Are you okay? You don’t look great.”

“Don’t move!” you yelled back. “Both our quirks require touching the other person and we both know I’m more agile than you.” You slowly backed up. With each step, Uraraka matched it with her own. “Don’t follow me!”

“[Y/N], I’m not trying to take your bandana.” She took another step. “I’m just worried about you. You look like you haven’t slept in days.” Step. You were frozen in place now. “Bakugou and I haven’t heard a word from you in a week.” Step. “What’s wrong?” Step.

You broke from your statuesque position, bolting forward at her. Crouching low, you aimed for just to her left. Prepared for her to fight back, you geared up to sweep her legs with one of your own. To your surprise, however, she remained where she stood. Your leg shot out and she tumbled to the ground, but the moment carried you with her.

Hitting the ground, you let out a sharp cough as the air was forced from your lungs. Your hand lifted to cover your mouth and when you looked back at it, your palm was painted with red. You knit your brows and turned to Uraraka.

“Oh my god, [Y/N]!” She rushed over to you.

“No…get back…” you managed. Why was she so concerned about how you were now? You sniffed. Your nose was running. Were you sick? You wiped it with your blood-covered hand only to find even more blood streaking across it. What was happening? You looked up at Uraraka. She wasn’t looking at you.

“What the fuck did you do to her?” Bakugou.

And you were out cold.

You blinked at the piercing fluorescent lights above you, the sharp white color hurting your eyes. No headache though, only squinting eyes. Had you been sleeping? How long were you out? It was probably a blessing, even if you had missed the training session, you were starting to suffer from the insomnia.

Groggily, you turned your head to look around the room. To your right, Bakugou sat in a plastic chair, scrolling through his phone with a scowl twisting his expression.

“Katsuki?” you mumbled. He jerked up from the phone, turning his head to you so fast you thought he would get whiplash. His scowl melted away for moment, but then it was back in an instant.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he practically yelled. Recovery Girl swiveled around in her stool and shushed him before turning back to her computer. “The old lady said you probably had barely been sleeping and tape-face said he saw you sneaking out in the mornings to go run.” You flinched. His expression softened in return. “And I haven’t heard from you in days. What has been going on with you?”

The tears welled up in your eyes before you could stop them, spilling warm streaks down your cheeks.

“I just… I heard you talking to Ochako in the classroom last week.” Why were you telling him about this now? “I heard you tell her that you-” You were cut off by another sob, broken and airy. “You said that you love her.” Bakugou’s eyes widened slowly as understanding rushed over him.

“No, no, no.” He spoke the words quietly with a pause between each one, half for you, half for himself. “You moron. That was meant for you.”

“What?”

“Round face was just, um,” he rubbed at the back of his neck, “helping me be comfortable saying it.” His face was turning red, something that you had never seen from him, and he mumbled the ends of his sentences, trailing off in embarrassment. “I’m not the best at, uh…conveying my…my feelings.”

“Oh, God,” you whispered. Another sob welled up in you, this time not out of sadness over something Bakugou had done, but shame at yourself for acting in such a way. “Katsuki, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, idiot. Especially when all you did was hurt yourself.” He gestured to the room around him. “You got yourself here.”

“I feel like such a jealous moron.” Letting your head fall into your palms, you heaved out a sigh. “Do you still want to date someone like me?”

“‘Do I want to date someone like you?’” he repeated back. Prying your hands away from your face, he cradled your palms within his larger ones. “I love you.”

#hoooooo boy this was a doozy to write #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #reader insert #bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #scenarios #fics #mine #asks #anon

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zealynstan · 5 years ago

Conversation

Unlabeled Interview Final Part

Isabelle: And speaking of touring, like we're saying before, someone said in here, "I wish it didn't cost so much for you to share your music and voices." We could not agree more.

Zealyn: Oh yeah.

Isabelle: Wouldn't you say?

Zealyn: Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, there's so much we would be doing if it didn't cost so much, I mean yeah, I would have a music video for every single song well done, super well done.

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: Amazing live videos. I would have- I would be on tour all the time. I, oh my gosh, there's just so many things.

Isabelle: Yeah. We would probably- I'd probably be on tour all the time if touring didn't cost us so much money.

Zealyn: Yeah! Another thing that lots of people don't know is lots of the big artists, if you want to go on tour with them, we have to buy on to it. Umm...

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: And so recently, I just got an offer to buy on to this really awesome tour. I just couldn't do it. But yeah, just- everything is a pretty penny and so-

Isabelle: Everything's a pretty penny.

Zealyn: But you know hopefully, one day and I believe it will happen one day, our music will take off and we'll finally be able to make money like good money doing music and it'll come full circle at some point. So-

Isabelle: It will. It always does. I was listening to Tyler Perry on Supersoul Conversations this morning on my drive home.

Zealyn: Nice.

Isabelle: And like, same situation. I think nobody starts at the top and I think we forget that "Oh, we see all these people at the top." And it's just discouraging until you hear their stories and you realize, "Wow, they had no money either." He was talking about putting all this money into his first play and how he thought 1200 people are gonna show up. And it was at the 14th Street Playhouse in Atlanta, which I grew up in Atlanta so I know where that was. 30 people showed up.

Zealyn: Aww.

Isabelle: So he lost his car, he didn't have rent or anything and that was like, it sucked to hear that but wow, it's inspiring. And I hope that-

Zealyn: You see where he's come from.

Isabelle: Yeah. You see everything he's gone through and that we're doing the same thing and there's nothing different about it.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: Other than not stopping, everytime we get a "no". And that's why this podcast for me is important because I don't know how many of you are watching and I know there's dancers on here and there's singers and aspiring everything but I just hope that you realize that like there's really nothing you umm... that's gonna come easily.

Zealyn: Right.

Isabelle: All the hard things are so much better when you get them.

Zealyn: Yeah. Absolutely.

Isabelle: What is your- what's an insecurity of yours that you are fighting umm... like in your day-to-day or music or just personally? That's like a big question but-

Zealyn: Well, yeah, I mean- I don't- I think that one thing that I do that I- everyone does but I do especially is umm... living in LA for 5 years now, been able to meet a lot of incredible awesome musicians and songwriters and just so many awesome people and a lot of them are doing really good. And like actually though, it's not just "social media" really good but like they're genuinely doing so well and blowing up and always busy and I think an insecurity of mine is like, comparing myself to other people. Is that right?

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: So um... I always- I'll at least have one bad night a week where I'm just get sunk into that "Aww man! That person's doing so much better than me." and that- and it's a good thing! I'm so happy for my friends like, "Wow, she got that?" "She got that?"

Isabelle: You're not alone.

Zealyn: Yeah!

Isabelle: Everybody feels that way in life.

Zealyn: And that's why- but I think that's something that I struggle with, it's just not- I just need to stop comparing myself. Everyone's started from somewhere, everyone's path is different like it's okay if it's taking longer or, whatever.

Isabelle: Yeah, yeah. I know, but that's umm... it's really great that you said when you're really honest. Because when I look at you, I don't see that you are insecure about that at all because you're so like, in your own lane to me. But it goes to show that we are all the same in that way.

Zealyn: Yeah. Totally.

Isabelle: Those insecurities never go away no matter- even if you were probably a little more successful, you'd probably see the best above you.

Zealyn: People were doing even better right *laughs* for sure.

Isabelle: Umm... Tammy asked about social media handles, so we're just gonna plug this in real quick.

Zealyn: Oh!

Isabelle: So she's @zealyn on Instagram, and @zealynmusic on Facebook.

Zealyn: It's Z-E-A-L- Oh there it is, you can see it. Aww, wow!

Isabelle: Z-E-A-L-Y-N.

Zealyn: You're so well prepared!

Isabelle: I know, it's just me, it's all me, I don't want anyone helping me out. Umm... and then, do her a favor and go if you guys have Apple Music, Spotify, go follow her. It's the same spelling and just like actually click the follow button and like put all her songs on your playlists and actually listen to them. Don't put them on a playlist because I said so, but actually listen because all those little things help us kind of get our music heard and everything like that.

Zealyn: Totally. Yeah.

Isabelle: Umm... I had a question for you- Oh, somebody asked... I'm trying to get through comments- Hailey asked, "What's LA like?" *laughs* That's such a loaded question.

Zealyn: It is. Well, I don't know, yeah. So, I love LA, first of all, I'll start there.

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: There's nowhere else I'd rather live. I genuinely love this city, it is motivating, pushes you to do better, everyone is going hard like everyone's pushing themselves to be better than they were the day before. So that's the good thing about it. The bad thing about it is that everyone's pushing them-! *Both laugh* Everyone's doing so well, everyone is hustling and I think that's when you also get stuck in a trap of, "Wow, they're going out every week to shows and networking and I only go out once a week. Oh boy, maybe I should be networking more or-" you know, there's just- every stupid little detail, it gets in your head and umm... yeah.

Isabelle: Just don't- I don't wanna discourage everyone for coming out here but if you're gonna come out here, just know that you will be very lucky if you have instant success. I hope that you do, I really do hope that everyone can do that.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: But if you don't have instant success, you definitely have to look deeper into the other wonderful positive things happening that may not be exactly what you asked for or wanted but those are the things that you hold onto in order to stay out here because a lot of people don't last in LA because they think, "I'll give it a year and things would go well!" It sometimes happens but a lot of times it doesn't.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: And then it's discouraging and you're like, "Well, I'm just gonna go home." but you know, don't do that like wherever you go or if you go away to college or umm... you go to a new city like give it time. Even when I went to college and I went away from the first time, it was the hardest thing ever. I called my mother everyday like, "WHY'D YOU SENT ME AWAY? Why'd you sent me here?" and then, I was so fulfilled and happy. Ultimately, that's what made me such an independent person. And moving to LA too, there were days when I first moved to LA... I was alone, I had a couple friends from college that were here, I went through such bad depression. It's the type of depression where you wake up in the morning, and you don't have anything you need to do, or that needs your attention. And you slept for like 11 hours, and you still- you wake up like exhausted, and you napped throughout the day not because you're tired, it's literally just you're so depressed because you're numb, you don't know what to do.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: And guess what? Those things past, and they move away and the positive things come back and they slip in and then you're gonna slip back out of it. Right?

Zealyn: Yeah. And LA really is one of those places that you can't come to L- you can't visit LA for two weeks and expect to see LA and get a sense of the city in two weeks. It's impossible. It takes- LA is massive okay? I think people always think of LA like Downtown LA, like just the little downtown area, n-no. LA is huge, you can drive a whole hour and a half and still be in LA. So, it really truly takes like.... to me, it took a year. For me, it took a whole year to understand like, where everything is, where do I actually want to live, and it takes so long. Umm...

Isabelle: Yeah. It takes so long. I just feel settled now. I've been in here like 5-

Zealyn: I think I truly felt settled like- like I wanna live here forever after 3 years like it literally took 3 years. And I think at that point I was like, "I'm never leaving. I wanna stay as long as I can." Yeah.

Isabelle: I love it here too. So Gina just asked, "Are you going to Nashville?" I would love for you to answer that and tell us the cities you'll be touring in.

Zealyn: Absolutely.

Isabelle: If you remember them all.

Zealyn: Yes! I'll try.

Isabelle: Okay.

Zealyn: Uhh yes. I will be in Nashville, that show actually is announced already, tickets are at zealyn.co

Isabelle: Yeah, all the seats(?) are there.

Zealyn: Yeah, umm... But I mean, I could list them off, yeah. There's actually- I don't know, yeah so it's Minneapolis, Chicago, Indianapolis, Nashville, Atlanta; Beverly, Massachusetts which is my hometown, New York, DC, Philly, Pittsburgh... so that's all everything on the East Coast. West Coast is still like completely being figured out.

Isabelle: Okay yeah. Yeah, it takes time.

Zealyn: It looks like Seattle, Portland, Redding, San Francisco, LA, San Diego.

Isabelle: Uhh, can I open for you now? *both started laughing*

Zealyn: The West Coast one? Oh my goodness.

Isabelle: That's amazing!

Zealyn: Yeah that one's still like- we don't have the venues locked in or anyth- or the dates or anything.

Isabelle: Okay.

Zealyn: But it's August-ish.

Isabelle: August-ish, okay.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: Well, if you wanna hear all the dates, go to zealyn.co, that's just "co" not ".com", just "co". And all the dates are up there, all the info about her. She's- like I said, an incredible artist.

Zealyn: Thank you.

Isabelle: Go listen to her music and just support her and I'm really glad that you asked all these questions, I'll be answering all these questions when we're done.

Zealyn: Yeah. Such awesome fans! There's so many questions coming in.

Isabelle: Yeah, they're pretty incredible, I'm lucky I am so lucky that you all show up every week or every other week.

Zealyn: Yeah, that's amazing.

Isabelle: But, Unlabeled the podcast, episode 5, will be uhh... 2 weeks, April 7th, check it out. This podcast you're listening to right now will be up on Tuesday and yeah. Zealyn, thank you for coming, go follow her at Zealyn on Instagram and uhh-

Zealyn: Thanks for having me. You're the best.

Isabelle: You're welcome. I'm honored. I love you, thanks for being here.

Zealyn: Me too. Thanks.

Isabelle: Adios, everybody! *both waved at the camera*

Zealyn: Oh, did it end already? Bye!

#I finally finished it #Now I can pass out until the next transcript #Zealyn #Interview #Transcript #Isabelle #Unlabeled #Podcast #2019 #Angie Miller

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agent-fitz · 7 years ago

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I'm asking you all the questions to get even for you asking me all the questions. It's gonna take me forever to answer them :P

1: it's the apocalypse. you lay next to the person you trust and love most, and start talking. you know your time is limited. what is the one thing you want them to know before you two die? that life is a great adventure, and it’s been an honor to go through it with them beside me, but that there is even more adventure to come, and not to despair.

2: you are faced with an almighty spirit. it tells you that you must choose two emotions\feelings - one of them you will never feel again, and the other becomes your most dominant. which two are those? this is really difficult because i can see how every emotion can be vital in certain circumstances. is boredom an emotion? can I choose to never feel bored again? and my most dominant emotion... excitement. just, pure eagerness and enthusiasm for life. like that feeling when i’m standing on a mountainside.

3: what is the one thing you want your best friend to never do? why? how will you react if they do it? regardless of which best friend i’m referring to, i never want them to settle in life. because we only get one of these things and we should really not be rationalizing “the logical thing to do” but instead living it the way we want to live it. but, my idea of them settling might not be their idea of them settling, so if i were to feel like they had settled i would love them through that and support whatever decisions they’d made--while still nudging them toward whatever forgotten dreams they might have.

4: do you have a favorite tv show? why is it your favorite? what is the reason you started watching it, and what is the reason you continued? er...i jump around with shows a lot, so it’s hard to say. i guess my all-time favorite has been grey’s anatomy, though it at its current state is definitely NOT my favorite show on tv. but it’s my favorite because it allows me to feel things, and gives me reason to feel things, that i often don’t get to feel just on a daily basis. it reminds me of hidden things that need to be addressed. or, it used to, before it became all drama. i started watching it out of curiosity, because i was stuck at home in 9th grade and needed something to cry about. i continued because my heart got attached.

5: do you have a favorite musical instrument? if yes, why exactly is it your favorite? can you play it/would you ever? i really like the cello or the violin. it just amazes me that those instruments can make such a wide array of sound, and they’re so full of life and zest and emotion. i don’t know how to play it nor will i probably ever learn.

6: who is your all-time favorite character? why exactly? do you relate to them, and how? all-time favorite character...this is nearly impossible. okay, whatever, this is probably not my all-time favorite but for character development purposes we’re gonna say it is, I’m going with Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender. His character arc is done FLAWLESSLY and he just represents so much of what and how a person wrestles with finding who they are. I really, truly love watching him grow into his own person, and especially how real it is with the amount of times he messes up or second guesses himself. And yeah, I definitely do relate to him, because he just feels things so intensely and sometimes it’s too much and he literally wants to explode and that’s...me.

7: is there anything you believe in? what is it? why do you believe in it? can you tell us something that explains this belief? I believe in God, and I believe in Jesus Christ, and I do believe that He is the Son of God and He came down to earth and died for all of us so we can have relationship with them again... I believe it because every other option sucks, and because I’ve seen how God has changed me and countless others, and frankly because the evidence points to it being true. Jesus clearly was a man who lived, and most people like to say He was a prophet but not God Himself in human form. Except, Jesus said himself that He’s the Son of God...so He’s either a liar, a raving lunatic, or telling the truth. And men actively chose to give their lives based on the truth that Jesus rose from the dead and is the Son of God. I believe in logic, and the logic of all of that says that Jesus was telling the truth. And why be afraid of that? If he was telling the truth that means there’s a loving, forgiving, desperate God out there who wants to KNOW me and love me and take care of me. Why would I want to convince myself that that’s not true?

8: you are locked in a room until the day you die, and have a choice to spend this time with one person. will you choose someone? if yes, who is it? why? Okay, well, can I choose Jesus? If I can’t choose Jesus (which would be stupid and I totally choose Jesus) then I think I probably have to pick my cat. OR a character from Harry Potter because that would just be entertaining. Also, both Jesus and an HP character could get me out of the room so...going with them.

9: what is the book that got you into reading, if there even is one? what was so special about it? when did you read it? I dunno, either the HP series or the Magic Treehouse series. Dope stuff.

10: what is the song i have to listen to so i could know you better? Stay Alive by Jose Gonzalez.

11: do you prefer being outside when its sunny or when its dark? When it’s sunny.

12: do you like the rain? why? do you prefer storms or light dripping? I do like the rain, but I prefer the weather either cold or warm sunshine, so rain isn’t my favorite. If I had to choose I’d rather a storm, so it makes it dark inside and you feel like you should light candles.

13: hot chocolate with cinnamon, marshmellows, both or none? Marshmallows.

14: do you like tea? why? if yes, what is your favorite kind? The only tea I’ve really enjoyed was the English Breakfast Tea I had in London when I went for afternoon tea. That stuff was addictive.

15: do you enjoy coffee? if yes, do you drink it for the taste or for the caffeine? COFFEE

16: what is your perfect playlist for studying? where is the perfect place to listen to it? I like the productive morning one on Spotify, or the soft jazz. In a coffeeshop.

17: what is your favorite color? why? what is your least favorite shade of this color? So I like gray, green, and pink. Gray can be any shade. Green needs to be a darker green or a like...almost camo green? Anything that’s a more faded shade or forest green. Pink, gotta have it blush or soft pink or salmon or something. NOT hot pink.

18: think of a person you love. now describe them, using only stuff that only you would describe them with. (for example - my person would be described by reading a new book while there's a storm outside.) Eating burgers and fries after playing little league baseball.

19: what is the song you feel like you HAVE to know to play? I do not fully understand this question but it is my goal to learn the full Titanic theme song and be able to play it with TWO HANDS, like accompaniment and all.

20: do you like writing? do you prefer to write on a computer or in a notebook? I love to write. And it depends on what I’m writing. Stories are better on the computer, thoughts and journal things are better on paper.

21: shuffle your playlist until you get to a song you will never skip. what is this song? why do you never skip it? do you recommend it? Boston, by Augustana. It feels like it was written for me. And that piano riff, I can’t skip that. Yes, obviously do recommend, especially if you’re feeling nostalgic.

22: do you like stargazing? why? Yes. Because I love realizing how small I am, and how little my worries matter, and how little my decisions matter, and that there is this entire universe out there and yet God loves me and takes care of me. It strips me of all my fears.

23: what is your favorite hour of the day? I think I enjoy early in the morning, right after the sun has come up.

24: what is your harry potter house? did you get sorted on pottermore or do you think it represents you better? Slytherin. I did get sorted my pottermore, yeah. And before that, I didn’t really know where I belonged. I thought my Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but I see now why Slytherin fits and I wouldn’t belong anywhere else.

25: what is your patronus? A brown owl (:

26: do you want to write a book? if yes, did you start already? Yes, I do, and if by having started the first few pages that means I started, then yes.

27: what is your favorite smell? Christmas trees :D or just the woods in general.

28: picture yourself at ease. now describe what exactly did you picture - with who you are? where? what exactly put you at ease? I’m in a field laying on a blanket, the sun is warm on my face, I have a good book and my journal with me, I can hear some water nearby so I can go play in the river when it gets too hot, and I’m alone. I’m at ease because I’m in nature, but also because I’m free of any responsibilities.

29: you have the option to forget one book/series completly and reread/rewatch it from the start. what book/series is it? Avatar the Last Airbender, for sure.

30: what do you love most about humanity? That we’re all connected. It doesn’t feel like it, but we’re all so similar and we have the same pain and the same wants and the same needs and there is so much love that is needed and so much love that could be given if we just stopped to realize that once in a while.

#me #personal #ask meme #xjulesiscools

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