#i have a million thoughts on this topic hmu | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

adrrianraines · 5 years ago

Text

choose me.

—chapter i. | chapter ii. | chapter iii.

genre: romance

fandom: playchoices: the royal romance

pairing: LiamxMC (Riley Brooks)

disclaimer:

characters used are owned rightfully by pixelberry. all rights reserved. this is a trr UA (universe alteration) original idea storyline. unlike an AU or Alternate Universe, Universe Alterations or UAs are set in the canon universe, but with "alterations" to accommodate the plot.

grammatical errors, misspellings & typographical errors that i might have overlooked are to be expected. **also, my apologies for the long delay! thank u for doing the proofreading with me, @bi-cookie 😘

taglist:

–of course, hmu if u wanna be tagged for an update! for these lovely people who wanna be tagged in this mess, thank you! ✨

@miss-raleigh-carrera @sunandlemons @wolfychoices @juminssi @onomatorina @ao719 @vaticanwaltz @texaskitten30 @princess-geek @janezillow @cordoniaqueensworld @thecordoniandiaries @omgjasminesimone

Sometimes, the most scenic roads in life are the detours you didn’t mean to take. — Angela N. Blount, Once Upon an Ever After

Four rowdy guys stood outside the breezy New York City night, ready to take on whatever it’s willing to offer. One of them, however, was not as patient as the others.

“Who are we exactly waiting fo—” But when Drake turned with an expression that equates bafflement, he was caught in an loop of awestruck surprise instead. “—woah... You look… different. Wow.” Drake’s tone alerted the others, their gazes then focusing towards the figure coming out of the bar. Maxwell gaped before swallowing several times. He was able to regain his temporary immobility by nodding in eager appreciation.

“You look hot!” The Beaumont Lord blurted, totally unaware of his surroundings. One gentleman was not very pleased with this. Liam’s eyes narrowed, mouth preparing to reprimand Maxwell’s choice of words and behavior.

Riley, on the other hand, had a different thing going on inside her mind. Her prompt reply immediately silenced Liam’s attempt for words.

“Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.” Her tone was saccharine, face producing a smooth wink which caused Maxwell’s cheeks to flush. Liam stared in shock at how, in an instant, the empty and almost translucent bars on top of Drake and Maxwell’s heads appeared then began to be filled with a shade of red.

Much like his own.

Now, how does a gentleman deny such an obvious display of attraction?

He felt a tug of pain inside his chest and the yearning that was caused by her absence grew. This was a reality in which Riley never met him yet but the longing he felt negates the rational thoughts he was trying to settle himself in. Liam watched how her hair swayed against the wind, how her lips curled into a smile as she conversed with the others, how she smoothed the pleats of her green dress as she straightened herself. Then, he immediately stopped.

You wouldn’t want to scare the lady now, would you? He scolds himself.

Riley’s gaze caught him. It was as if, all in slow motion, the wind got knocked out of his pipes, rendering him incapable of coherency. Liam carefully kept his mouth shut and pressed a smile on his face as he watched her approach him. His heart thundered while a million thoughts ran rampant inside his head. Yet, time seemed to slow down for them.

“Liam.” She called, her eyes twinkling against the dimly lit city lights. He was quiet, unbearably so, that Riley looked worried. “Are you okay?”

“My apologies, I…” Liam, who always was a master of his own emotions, did his very best to push the lingering tinge of jealousy at the back of his consciousness. He slowly reached out to take her hand in his to brush his lips against the softness of her skin. “It’s just that... You look breathtaking, Riley.”

“Oh…” Her cheeks flushed, and he almost did a somersault. Riley quickly recovered by teasing him. “Thank you, kind sir.”

“But the night demands us journey and you will be our navigator.” He grinned, letting his fingers brush against her own for a bit longer before pulling away. It wasn’t hard to ignore that Riley’s cheeks flushed red before clearing her throat.

He was pleased.

“I have the perfect place for all of us tonight. I promise you guys won’t regret it!” She says, and Liam, as the one who already lived through this moment, smiled to himself. He knew where exactly they would go.

“The beach?” Drake put an emphasis on the word as they all found themselves sinking mildly against the fine sand of the shore in a beach somewhere in the city. The moon was shining high in the sky and the waves were calm. There were not much people in sight.

“Oookay. Not what I had in mind, exactly.” Maxwell commented then stunned everyone by removing his shoes and folding the edges of his pants up. “Hah! I’m not gonna say no to this!”

Drake only shook his head and followed with Tariq in tow who’d been grumbling about how expensive his shoes were. Moments later, all three of them were splashing each other and laughing. Maxwell and Tariq were focused on attacking Drake which deliberately almost pissed him, if only he weren’t attacking them himself.

Liam removed his coat and slowly laid it down against the sand. He turned and urged Riley to sit with him, in which she followed without question.

Silence passed and Liam grew antsy. He wasn’t sure of how to tackle the changes that were beyond his control nor grasp.

“So pray tell, what exactly brought all of you here?” She broke the silence first, her gaze searching. He looked at her while biting his lip, as if unsure how to respond.

“I should thank you first... that was rude of me to forget. Forgive my rashness.” Liam smiled. “This was a great idea.” Being this close with her only drove him at wit’s end. His mind travelled to how he wanted to kiss her that moment. How he missed her touch. It took a good amount of self restraint as he focused on the more important topic at hand. “The guys are having fun because of you.”

“You’re welcome…” Riley trailed, smiling softly as she leaned in a bit.

Too close. His mind did a little scream.

Focus. He commanded. This is not the time. He knew better. Yet, his body move of its own accord, ignoring the warnings his thoughts deliberately showed. Easily, his hand found itself caressing the side of her face. At first, her eyes widened... then she bit her lip, and slowly... she closed her eyes.

The tiny string of sanity that was keeping him together snapped.

Liam leaned to close the distance between them, lips just lingering a few inches away from hers.

It’s not too late to back out. A voice inside his psyche reprimanded. And for once in his life he didn’t listen.

He kissed her and the flame in him, slow and deep, flickered alive. Their lips stirred in sync, mouths doing a little dance together. His hand now held the back of her neck, while the other firmly held her waist. Her hands gently curled against his chest, as if pulling him close. He couldn’t stop himself, not if he’s obviously aching to be with her again. Everything around them seemed to vanish like thin smoke in a clouded veil.

It felt forever. She tasted angelic.

And once upon a time, she married him.

When the kiss ended, they were both gasping for air. Liam briefly closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers as Riley let out a small giggle.

“That’s a first.” She commented which made him chuckle. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

Oh dear. He let out a soft sigh. Riley noticed the change in his expression and almost began to take back her question. Liam straightened himself, gaze never leaving her. She deserved the truth, much like how he disclosed the information the very first night that they met each other.

“It’s my Bachelor Party...” He breathed. Riley’s eyes widened.

“What?” Her voice faltered yet it was loud enough that he could hear the surprise in her tone. “You’re going to be married?”

“Yes. However... whom I’m yet to marry remains unknown.” He smiled sadly and she looked more confused than ever.

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

“The truth is… I’m the Crown Prince of a Kingdom.” Liam began and he carefully studied the different emotions that presented themselves in her visage. Surprise? Confusion? Disbelief? Amazement? It was all present.

He leaned back when she didn’t answer. “I have to carefully choose a bride for my country before the end of the year.”

“Wow… that’s… a lot to take in.” Riley’s voice trembled the slightest. “So, you mean to say that you’re a real prince…?”

“I believe so, if you’d like to humor me.” He laughed at how that almost sounded like a joke. But the weight of the crown always kept his sanity rooted to the ground. Riley was the only one who could shake him to the core.

A Prince must never let his emotions dictate his decisions. Much less a future king should let his internal turmoils affect his governance. But right that moment, with her features being illuminated in the moonlight, the sound of his friends’ laughter and the crashing waves against the shore rendered him vulnerable.

Liam thought long and hard at how empty he felt since he woke up without his wife by his side. The idea of losing his family churned his stomach into knots and the possibility of him losing her this time, albeit permanently, left a sour taste in his mouth.

“Liam?” She said as a tremulous smile graced her lips. The wind carries her voice to him. He gazed that it hurts to even look at her, knowing for a fact that right now, she isn’t his to hold. But he can’t not look at her, not when the breeze that came from the sea swayed her hair, fingers beginning to itch to hold her.

It would be so easy to close the distance between them once more, just to kiss her, and declare his love then. The heat of jealousy whenever he thinks of how mesmerized both Drake and Maxwell were with her earlier produced a writhing sensation in the pit of his belly. It was unbearable.

Then, Liam reached out to take Riley’s hands against his own as he whispered the words he never thought and couldn’t keep himself from declaring, “Come back with me to Cordonia.”

Liam woke up with a start.

There was a reverent knock on his door as he tried to rub off the remnants of sleep from his eyes. He swung his legs down the carpeted floor accompanied by a soft groan then moved towards the door. With a soft click and a twist of the knob, his eyes widened upon the visitor who made themself known in front of him.

“Bastien?” He asked, a bit confused.

“Your highness.” With a curt bow, Bastien greeted Liam. “May I come in?”

Still bewildered, he stepped aside and was immediately drawn towards the familiar decorations of his surroundings. His eyes immediately narrowed, thoughts slowly forming a riot inside his head. He turned sharply towards Bastien who looked as equally alarmed as he is.

“Where am I?” Liam blurted, almost as if he didn’t know where he was. The King’s Guard only looked at him, certainly caught off-guard with the question.

“...You’re in Cordonia, of course.” Bastien answered, voice firm with certainty. Liam almost toppled over his feet but he caught himself immediately. In a swift motion, Bastien was immediately by his side.

Cordonia? He rubbed his forehead, as if he was trying to recall the past events that transpired. He recalled being in New York—his Bachelor Party. Right! His Bachelor Party!

“Liam.” There was a mixture of worry within the depths of Bastien’s eyes and Liam couldn’t afford to provide an explanation of such bizarre events that jarred his mind. “Drake told me about this. What’s happening?”

“I…” Liam began, doubt lacing his thoughts. He bit his lip then shook his head after. “I’m quite alright. Thank you, Bastien.”

“Tonight’s the Masquerade Ball. The King asked me to check on you.” Bastien gave him a do-over before stepping back. “Then, I will leave you to prepare.” The knight nodded, though unsure, but proceeded to walk out. When Liam was sure that he’s finally alone, he slumped back to his bed, head hanging low, mind trying to remember the events from the night before.

Masquerade Ball… So, it hasn’t been a full day yet since he last saw Riley.

But why was his memory extremely clouded? It was as if he couldn’t remember ever going out with her. From his previous night’s memory, he knew they went together to the beach and had a magical night that was unbearably hard to forget. Yet, he wasn’t sure if they ever went to the Statue of Liberty. He wasn’t sure how their short trip to the beach rolled out after he told her he is a prince.

Something was amiss.

“Tonight will be the start of the Social Season.” His father’s voice - King Constantine of Cordonia - gently reminded him. The orchestra inside already began playing and they were only waiting to be announced. Liam squared his shoulders and nodded as an answer.

So far, so good. Just like how the previous events happened.

“I have an announcement to make, son. Be sure to be there.” His father said as they all walked towards the large ballroom doors. Not a minute later, the trumpets sounded and he could hear his father’s name together with his step-mother being announced.

“His majesties, King Constantine and Queen Regina!” The herald’s voice echoed and the grand doors opened. The lights basked the royal couple in shimmering glitters. There was a round of applause as he watched his parents walk together towards the center stage, surrounded by all other nobility present inside.

The herald stepped outside and looked at Liam as a signal before he nodded for confirmation. “His Highness, Prince Liam!”

He squinted at the blinding luminscence of the ballroom—ears tingling at the unanimous chorus of claps from what seemed like a hundred pair of hands. He walked and smiled to each noble who greeted him. Liam’s eyes caught several noble women giggling while coyly smiling at him, masks hiding their countenance.

He never expected to undergo the pain of choosing a marriage partner once more. Never in his lifetime had he dreamed of going through similar situations again. His heart constricted at how ridiculous and pitiable he was before he met Riley, nestled in all these fake visages. Pleasing and making sure to never commit a single mistake while being forced to marry for the Kingdom he was expected to take care with as much as what his hands could handle.

One by one, the ladies that were present to win his hand in marriage were announced. He heard a couple of names he knew but none of them mattered when he didn’t hear Riley’s name being called nor the house she was supposed to represent being declared.

His vision caught a few familiar faces in the crowd—Olivia, Hana, Penelope and Kiara. They were huddled together on one part of the room, then several noblewomen he couldn’t even remember and some other figures of Cordonia’s circle of nobles. He carefully scanned the crowd, trying to find the face he wanted to see the most. Yet, all were futile as most of the ladies wore masks for the ball. As what he could remember, she wore an ensemble of clothing so stunning it knocked his breath away. But to his surprise, no matter how much he scanned the crowd, he couldn’t find her. Nor Drake and Maxwell for the case.

Wouldn’t she have arrived already? He asked himself. Or has he missed the announcement? Truth to be told, he couldn’t actually recall hearing her being announced. He was that preoccupied. Yet, even seeing her in Cordonia back then was what surprised him the most.

The herald blew his trumpet again, the sound gathering the attention of everyone inside the crystalline ensemble. “The King would like to say a few words!”

A flood of shush echoed throughout the men and women alike as they halted their business to listen towards the esteemed King of Cordonia. His father beckoned him to step closer. Liam’s feet gingerly walked towards his father, unsure of why he was suddenly being called in the middle.

“My dear citizens of Cordonia, I welcome you all! I hope from the bottom of my heart that all of you are enjoying the festivities our Kingdom offers tonight. Truly, all of you are shining brighter than the stars in the sky.” His father, through practiced pleasantries to diplomatic talks, announced. The nobles slowly clapped one by one until it became a chorus of deafening noise.

“However, as much as my family would love to extend our personal greetings to each lady who graciously presented themselves for this year’s social season, the Royal family has come to a decision that would benefit the entirety and all the while, securing the Kingdom and its future. I, as the current King of Cordonia, do announce that we have already chosen the most suitable candidate for the throne.” There was a hush amidst the crowd. King Constantine took this opportunity to continue. “Hence, the Social Season for this year is going to be postponed.”

The sudden announcement not only shocked Liam but also collectively earned gasps from the people itself. Murmurs then began to break out as furious ladies expressed their grievances of the sudden change of plans. However, Liam stayed rooted, eyes wide and unbelieving towards his father.

“Ah, we would like to extend our deepest and most sincerest apologies. This is selfish, I’m perfectly aware. But for the circumstances that presented itself, we would also ask for the gracious support from the people of this Kingdom as we announce the chosen Lady.” Liam’s ears rang badly, breath turning ragged, gaze in a daze as he tried to process everything. “I would like to formally make it official that I will be stepping off the throne and... therefore, paving the way for the Crown Prince to be crowned as the new King of Cordonia!”

Everything happened impeccably fast, almost like a haze or a gust of wind. Liam couldn’t even process the information himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Queen Regina with a lady wearing a mask from behind the stage. Then, the two of them made their way towards the center as the crowd collectively gushed and murmured among themselves.

He couldn’t think straight.

He heard Olivia’s voice from the crowd, fiercely stating her defiance against the sudden decision.

“I’m insulted, dear Prince. It wouldn’t be a good image for the people to see their future leader caught in a binge.” The masked Lady strutted to his side, voice familiarly eerie and calculating. The smile on her face impossibly cold yet determined.

Liam’s eyes shifted in a frenzied manner as he tentatively took a step back in perturbation. The familiar blonde hair and piercing gaze cut through his facade despite the mask she wore.

It wasn’t supposed to go this way… it wasn’t supposed to go this way. His mind ranted.

And then louder. This wasn’t supposed to happen...!

“Here we present, the new Queen-in-Waiting together with Crown Prince Liam!” He breathed several times as he tried to relax himself. Then, Liam squared his shoulders and plastered the fakest of all smiles he could ever managed and focused his gaze ahead. He could feel Madeleine smirking by his side as she gently wrapped her hand on his arm, pulling him a bit closer to her. The herald continued to announce. “Please, help us welcome Countess Madeleine of Fydelia!” The herald’s voice boomed in an excited cheer as he presented the two of them, standing side by side.

King Constantine clapped his shoulder before breaking into an applause himself. The herald then stepped closer and bowed down before offering the microphone back to the King himself.

“Beautiful, indeed. The future of the Crown are in good hands.” The mirth reflecting on his father’s face was no match against the blinding chandelier lights. “I’d be more than delighted to share with you all that preparations are in tow and the wedding will be happening in a month’s time!”

A month?!

Liam heard the large double doors creaking, and when he tilted his head to take a look, his world came crashing down in an instant. She heard. Dear god, she heard everything. His eyes softened at the sight of beauty that was beyond his reach, dressed like an angel and the most captivating pair of eyes he had ever seen hiding beneath a masquerade. Riley was there, rooted to the spot together with Maxwell and the Duke of Ramsford, frozen and completely stunned in silence as much as he was.

Then, as the trumpets collectively played a congratulatory tune and the crowd of nobles slowly loosened up from the surprising news then started cheering. His emotions only screamed in pain as his thoughts wildly raced towards the lady that just made her grand exit from the ball just after a few moments.

Within the chaos of his own mind, the enclosed space inside the dance floor, the fast beating of his heart and the utterly problematic situation he caught himself into, Liam couldn’t breathe.

His hands curled into fists. His ears started ringing in silent frustration. He froze in place.

And when the love of his life exited the grand doors, he couldn’t even move to run after her.

53 notes · View notes

normal-thoughts-official · 5 years ago

Note

Spare opinions and headcanons on trans magnus

[cracks knuckles so hard they all break]

okay honestly there are always new trans magnus headcanons to be had but i was talking to kinkym and i realised i never said anything about magnus' transition so

okay so like. magnus knew he was trans ever since he was a kid and that was fine mostly. stepfather was a bit of a dick but he was fine. but because of his stepfather and some other ppl being kind of dicky, magnus started considering trying to change his overall appearance and body. also he already kind of had an interest in medicine/chemistry and he prolly studied a lot about plants' and animal parts' natural properties. he didnt go very far with that regarding his transition but it solidified his interest in related things which would help him later.

so once he started learning to get ahold of his magic, both before and after asmodeus, he started using that. Ive said in another ask that i think magic works like both a sense and a limb in sh lore. so he started using it to kind of try and understand the workings of his body better, you know? and with that he slowly learned how to make changes. and then when puberty started to kick in he noticed the changes in his blood and yeah, that's how Magnus figures out hormones on his own (im not gonna say he discovers it cuz like other warlocks probably already know and i would bet good money that other cultures had already figured this out before modern western did - that only happened in the first decade of the 20th century btw - but you know, he figured out magic by himself, so he's self taught on that department). and so he starts making adjustments on his hormone levels so his puberty is different. but that's kind of a pain, specially because theres such a delicate balance and hormones actually have a very complex self-regulating system (I SWEAR IM NOT MAKING COMPLICATED RESEARCH FOR THIS I ALREADY KNEW THAT I JUST WANTED TO PUT A SOURCE BECAUSE I LIKE SHARING INFORMATION) so what the fuck is going on, right? so he uses magic to study these relations between hormones, and figures out how they relate to each other and where they all come from - so then he just goes on and makes some changes in his adrenal glands and voilà, natural testosterone production + basically a degree in endocrynology at this point. that is why he has a flat chest, is tall and etc; he basically took self made puberty blockers and T because hes a small baby genius who loves science and has a deep liking for chemistry and relationship with nature and ugh im so emo about little scientist magnus

once he joins the warlock community he shares his findings with other warlocks and he is delighted to learn all they know about every subject as well - that's when he falls in love with physichs and starts his portals project, but thats another topic i have way too many headcanons about so lets leave it at that. for a while hes just deep into studyings of science and magic and how he can use them together - wait i said i would move on. fuck. shit. i fucked up. fuck

and like again warlocks are super cool about him being trans, again warlocks dont care about gender and know its all fake anyway, so do seelies - also considering seelies have an even deeper relationship with nature and magic he could also learn so much with them, fuck - vampires are kind of whatever, depends on when they were born really, so his environment is pretty chill when it comes to that. also, hes enby, plus for many years men wearing makeup and "feminine" clothing was perfectly normal and it kind of balanced out his super masc body because he wanted a little more of a mix. but mundanes were shit, so in his mundane life he had to hide most of the time. but look, trans ppl have always existed, and there was something of a queer scene ever since, well, queer expression started being repressed lmao. so what im trying to say is that he met other mundane trans kids and being the sweetheart serial adopter that he is, he not only took them under his wing and tried to protect and help them (with whatever; safe binding, finding a job, struggling with having to hide, the whole shebang, he had enough experience to have useful insight on pretty much any topic) when he met someone who was dysphoric or wanted particular changes in their body he just. secretly did it. like he would "feel" their organism's workings with his magic and just casually adjust some stuff and suddenly they were growing T/Estrogen and becoming more androgynous and wow, what gives? theres kind of a rumor that gets spread that this one bar has magical transitioning properties and it kind of becomes a hot spot for trans youth after that. and that's super cool, so they make the most of it and slowly a trans community starts growing there, with ppl helping each other ge away from abusive environments and housing and protecting other ppl from violence and shit like that. and it's just. an amazing thing that Magnus kind of started and got to be an active part of building and making. ugh im so emo.

and as the 20th century nears those just keep spreading, and magnus is so happy to see that these mundane kids now have something similar to what he has in the warlock/seelie community - a place where it doesnt matter and theres active solidarity and support. Ive already said that i think magnus was at stonewall helping protect the rioters about a million times so i will refrain from saying it again but i will say i headcanon that Magnus was good friends with Sylvia Rivera - an amazing, bisexual latina trans woman who fought to end prison and for queer liberation. ggghhhhhhhggghhh and okay that's what i have so far because every time someones like "hey do you have any thoughts about [subject i have a lot of thoughts about]" i immediately forget all my thoughts but, uh, hmu with more trans magnus questions lmao i live for that shit

#ask #anonymous #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #trans magnus bane #trans!magnus #overflowing trashcan #headcanons

25 notes · View notes

literallyprentissstwin · 7 years ago

Text

“Not Enough.” - Emily Prentiss

this wasn´t requested by anyone. this piece is originally written in german so excuse me if i made any translating mistakes <3 we had this task in my german class to do creative writer after a picture impulse. i wanted to write about identity bc it´s something i always struggled with. since i couldn´t came up with a good storyline, i decided to write about emily and her struggling with her dozen identities back at interpol and especially with lauren reynolds. the identity lindsay is totally made up lol. i hope you like it! my teacher like it :)

feedback is appreciated. since i´m restarting this blog, i´m gonna tag only a few people. so hmu, if you wanna be on my future reading list <3

Paris.

My new home. At least for now.

I don´t know how long I have to stay here. Nobody´s allowed to know. It would be too dangerous, too risky. For my friends back home, I´m dead. They had lost their fight against the bad and therefore lost a good friend. A friend with a lot of secrets. It hurts so bad to leave them like that in their grieve and pain, in the unknown that everything indeed has been a bad dream. During my first days here, my heart was heavy. I needed to leave them; they could not know that I´m still alive. No chance.

I kept starring out of the window. From my apartment, I had the perfect view above Paris and the Eifeltower. Paris. The city of love, of liberty. Everything seemed to be so much easier in Paris. But not for me. It would never be like that for me. Paris held me hostage. It kept me away from my actual life, my friends...my family. Unhappily, I sighed and slowly stepped back from the window. Walking towards the little table in the corner of the room. Exhausted, I let myself down in the chair. I looked on the desk in front of meand saw three ID´s. All with different identities. All with the same, emotionless picture, my face. I picked up my american ID. The identity with whom my friends, who were like family to me, knew me. I kept staring at it for a while. Quietly, thinking. In the other hand, I held the ID I received when I came to Paris. Another name, another address, another me. Back at the end of te table was anothe ID, again another name, another adress, again another me. If I would open the top drawer, I would find more ID´s like them, all with different identities. I looked at the three ID`s in my hand, before I put them back down on the table in front of me and rubbed my hands over my exhausted, damaged face.

Would this be how my life would continue from right on? Every month a new identity? A new me?

I quickly shook my head.

I needed to live on like this, at least until everything was back to normal and I could go back home. Then I could jump right back into my old self and continue to live on like nothing ever happened. But was this true? Or did I just make something up? Deep in thoughts, I got up and stepped in front of the mirror which was right in front of the small table. I looked at my reflextion and stared deep into my eyes, just like I could possibly find all the answers to my questions in there. Suddenly, old well-known questions resurfaced; questions, which I had asked myself before, but never found answers to; questions where finding an answer seemed impossible; questions over questions over questions. They started to spin around in my head. It felt like a million little peeps were running around in my head and kept looking for that one answer to my question:

Who am I?

I don´t know, I can´t find any answers. In my life, I already had a lot of identities; but I actually never knew who I was or what I wanted to achieve in my life. Even as a teenager, I was different. I was that girl who traveled around a lot because her parents were diplomats; I was that girl who was alone all the time; I was that girl who didn´t know who she wanted to be. I was a loner. All this here didn´t make it any better. I always was different, weird. The question of my identity was part of me my whole life. Maybe this was the reasin why I decided to go and start working for Interpol. There, my identity was already made up, just for me, without me doing anything for it. It was perfect for someone like me who didn´t want to tackle this topic. But I knew that I couldn´t go on like this.

Even after I joined the FBI, it semed like my identity was already made up and fixed. One had expectations and ideas of how I should be. And this was goo enough for me. It made it easier to adjust, to integrate oneself into the group. I tried to fulfill the expectations of the people to earn their trust and to be a part of them. But what´s the price for that? Was this really me? Or did they only see a mask? An illusion?

I carefully moved my right hand towards the mirror and touched it where the reflection of my face was. Behind all these identities, behind all these masks, who am I really? Who do I want to be? What do I really wanna achieve? I needed to think about my friends again. It shook me. It hurts me so bad to lie to them. But wasn´t this what I had done all my life? Lying to them? I tricked them, I pretended to be someone who I actually wasn´t. Angrily, I took back my hand, started to swing and hit the mirror with all my might.

What was happening with me? What was Paris doing to me?

Suddenly, I realized that it wasn´t because of Paris or someone else. It´s because of me, only me. No one else. I was confused, a lot. All my life these identities helped me to keep my life in a frame. They gave me strength, safety, security. They were masks which I could put on and off and change how often I wanted to. One day, I was Lauren, another day, I was Lindsay, then again, I was Emily and so on. It´s totally fine to change. Nobody has only one identity. This is impossible. With my friends, I´m like this, with my mom, I´m like that.

Different identities. I had a dozen. All my life, they only had a minor role. They were just there. I was just anybody. But I never have been myself. I don´t know who I really am. And this is what´s scaring me right now. Since Paris, the identities, the thousand kinds of identities, were unimportant to me. They didn´t give me strength or security anymore. They are confusing me, confusing the reality. My facade starts to crumble.

The search after myself, a search I wanna start in Paris. I look down on the ground. Shards were laying all around me. My hand was bleeding, covered by tiny little cuts. I´ve reached my breaking point. I want to beme, I want to be honestly me, no Lauren, no Lindsay, just me, Emily. But therefore I needed to find the answers to all the important questions, staring with:

Who am I?

But what if being myself isn´t enough? What if I don´t know how to be myself?

Questions over questions over questions, but no answers.

(1152 words)

tagging: @illegalcerebral @ultrarebelheart @dontshootmespence @criminal-minds-fanfiction @jenn-ifer-ja-reau @captainreid @veroinnumera @crimindsaspe @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars @remember-me-forever-silent-angel

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds short story #school work #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss short story #emily prentiss imagine

40 notes · View notes

fuyuhikoismybabygansta · 7 years ago

Note

Hiya! What about the boys with an online friend/crush/s.o. who suddenly stops talking and just dissapears for around a month before coming back and admitting that they had tried to commit suicide? (Sorry for such a dark topic aha,,)

Ah, how I love this prompt! I put my all into it, so I apologise if it’s a little long, heh. Although I’m not sure what you meant by ‘the boys’, I’m assuming the V3 boys. If you wanted a different cast, please feel free to request again and I will rewrite it for you. Apologies.

Ask is under the cut, due to being long and potentially triggering. Dark topics, reader beware.

Saihara Shuuichi✎

He didn’t usually go on the internet.

It was strange, why did these people all talk like they knew each other?

Of course, some may actually be planning to meet but… he found it all a bit surreal.

Then, you contacted him.

He was very wary at first, he knew you could be anyone.

Then, you started getting closer and he started trusting you.

Then, it got to the point where you were FaceTiming almost daily.

You were the only person that made him laugh every day and feel happy being himself.

Then, you stopped existing in his life.

He kept messaging, calling… messaging again, calling again.

Always, ALWAYS the beep and the voicemail.

A response text never came.

You never came online.

Though what he found odd was that you hadn’t blocked him.

He was starting to become desperate and that’s when he realised he had a crush on you and boy, what a bad time to realise.

That only made it hurt more.

Then, he saw you typing one day.

He’d almost forgotten about you, it had been 3 weeks since your last message.

You stop typing and just before he gives up hope, you video call him.

You’re… in a hospital?

He’s crying and he doesn’t know why.

He cannot stop crying.

You’re crying too and people are crowding around you, asking why.

Then he realises… you’re in hospital.

The absence, the lack of communication… the hospital… people asking why you were upset… your expression.

You had… you had tried, hadn’t you?!

He could ALWAYS tell there was something else to you.

Occasionally, you would just… show signs.

He hangs up the call, texts ‘I’m coming’.

Within the next day, he’s there with you.

Amami Rantaro❂

He is kind of a very big deal on the internet.

After all, he has an Instagram account that is often mistaken for a modelling account.

He often has business offers because of how attractive he is and he always has to explain ….. that he’s not a professional model???

One day, he got a completely normal PM from you.

You were absolutely stunning.

WAY better looking than him.

He IMMEDIATELY asked if you were getting the pesky PMS from businesses too.

He was surprised when you said no, you had never heard of such a thing.

How??

You’re actually the best-looking person he’s ever seen?

He has full trust in you immediately.

You talk for a few weeks, constantly.

It’s always you, he ignores all the other messages.

You’ve helped him grow as a person.

But then you’re gone.

It’s been weeks.

Nearly a month, actually.

He’s gone back to being a lot more… boring.

He was extravagant before but now…

But now, he’s just back to normal.

He’s stopped posting.

If you can’t see it, there’s nobody else he cares enough about…

Then, you message him again!

You say that things happened and you… may or may not have tried to kill yourself.

He’s shocked, why would YOU of all people?

You were a literal ray of sunshine…

He does his best to help but he can’t help the hurt.

Kiibo✪

He… does not know what he’s doing.

All the buttons don’t make sense and websites keep asking him to ‘prove he’s not a robot’.

He’s honestly a little offended.

When he visits websites, he does NOT sign up for them to instantly be shamed.

He thinks there should be more robot pride around the internet…

So, he just resorts to posting a message saying…

“Could somebody please help with the internet, I do not understand anything.”

So, you DM him, complimenting his ‘shitpost’.

He gets a little bit huffy at this.

“Are you saying my post is bad? I genuinely do not understand… are you robophobic?”

You’re a bit concerned.

Is this person you’re talking to actually okay-

Are they robotkin or-

You ask him to send a picture of himself, just casually.

He doesn’t find it strange, so he does.

He’s… holy shit.

He’s a robot.

You’re so excited and start asking a million questions, not realising you’re offending him.

Then, a beautiful friendship starts… and then more.

Kiibo makes an awful attempt at asking you out.

He says that a long distance relationship would a struggle, but he’s a robot so he can deal with it!

You say yes, and that’s the last time you log in.

He’s always checking on you, thinking you’ve ditched him because he’s a robot.

He accepts it eventually and forgets about you.

When you come back online and tell him what had happened, he’s shocked.

So that’s why…

He tries to comfort you in any way possible and ends up asking his professor to let him see you.

The professor pays for your tickets and gets you down to him as soon as possible.

You’re overjoyed and the happiest you’d been for years.

Kaito Momota✯

You had met on Tumblr.

Kaito had a space blog and one day, you messaged him saying you loved the content.

You started talking more from there, though it annoyed you how OBSESSED with space he was.

You started to like him and then, you asked him out.

Then, you two gained a reputation around Tumblr.

The LITERAL star-crossed lovers.

Actually star-crossed because you know, space blog.

Then, you change your blogs to match each other.

It’s the sappiest thing ever but it’s what happiness feels like.

Then, you end up getting too overexcited.

You accidentally tell your parents about dating Kaito and they treat you awfully for it.

They go on about online dating and its dangers for months and it makes you consider.

What if Kaito isn’t who he says he is?

Meanwhile, on his side, he has NO idea about any of this.

So when you mysteriously disappear, your entire fanbase and ESPECIALLY him are distraught.

Eventually, your fame falls dead but Kaito still remembers.

Then, one day you come back.

All the fame is gone, everything has mellowed down.

You explain everything to him and he feels awful for not realising, though he couldn’t have known.

Your Tumblr fame is never as big as it was before, but it comes back.

Though it’s less crazy this time and you’re content.

You two both love each other very much and that’s all that matters.

Gonta Gokuhara✿

How do use internet-

He’s very confused and doesn’t know where to BEGIN.

Though, he knows how to search on google.

First, he searches where he can talk to people about bugs.

He finds a chatroom for people who like bugs.

He is then SPAMMED with messages asking rather… inappropriate questions.

It was one of those sites, where anyone could message anything.

He then found a different website.

It was much better!

Good for a gentleman!

Then, he met you…

You were amazing!

You told Gonta everything he needed to know about the internet and listened to him when he ranted about bugs!

Though, you thought his caveman-esque speech was text talk…

Oh no, when you video called, you were a little thrown back by his voice.

AND his appearance.

You were expected a meek, nerdy bug boy.

Instead, you got an oddly handsome, muscular giant man.

So, he wasn’t mucking about with his speech then.

You ask why, a little insensitively, but you were confused.

He tells you his story and he’s honestly the coolest guy you’ve ever met.

Then, you’re gone after a few weeks of talking.

Gonta takes this the worst out of any of the guys…

He’s distraught.

He actually CRIES over this.

Real life tears… for hours.

Then, he kind of forgets about you, though he still hurts.

You were better than any real-life person Gonta had met and now you were gone.

Maybe, you didn’t like him… and nope, you’re back now.

You explain EVERYTHING, knowing Gonta wouldn’t guess by himself.

He’s shocked??

But then he starts breaking down, asking why, over and over.

Didn’t you want to live for him?

If not, BUGS, at least?!

Or just live for the sakes of living and finding a better way to live life??

You can’t get it through to him and contact gets less and less.

Then, you talk about monthly.

It’s still nice to talk to him occasionally, though…

It still hurts.

You’re both always crying over the same cause, yet you don’t know why.

Ouma Kokichi♕

Just about anyone can guess where you picked this one up.

Of course, on Reddit.

Why was he still on Reddit in this day and age?

“idk why i’m still here but boy i’m living it hmu with good shit”

Immediately, you thought he was a keeper.

Though, he pissed you off at times.

You find it amusing to imagine the number of people over on Tumblr have made callout posts on him.

Like actual legitimate ones.

You were a little shy to approach him at first…

He kinda seemed out of your league.

You know, the feeling when you want to fit in with someone who’s also a memelord, like you, but you feel like you’re too low-level meme for them?

Yeah, that kinda thing.

It took you weeks but you eventually hit send on that DM.

His first intention was to mess you up but then he kinda started to like you.

He opened up to you and you two switched from Reddit boards to Tumblr DMS and then to texting and FaceTiming.

It was like an actual relationship… but friends.

Then, he asked you out.

He meant it, too.

You said yes, thrilled to be going out with someone like him.

Automatically, your online reputation went to rock bottom.

People tried SO HARD to get you to break up with him.

Then one day, he called you, crying.

Not fake crying, like the usual, either.

Actually crying.

He’s sick of everyone wanting to ruin his life, he just likes having a bit of fun.

He says he wouldn’t be surprised if you left one day due to some ‘abuse’ callout post.

You try to comfort him but nothing works.

He mutters goodnight and then hangs up.

He doesn’t speak for months.

Then, you leave too.

He comes back and sees you’re gone.

Of course.. gone.

You come back a month later and you both admit the same thing.

You had both tried to commit suicide.

You don’t know how to comfort each other, so you just leave it.

You book some plane tickets and you take a picture and show him.

Now he’s crying again because he’s so happy.

He tries to cover it up by saying it was fake but you can tell, it wasn’t.

Hopefully.

Korekiyo Shinguuji✞

He’s on a literary site, of course.

Then, he contacts you.

He admires your work and he messages you, praising your work.

You’re thrilled, but you don’t personally talk for another few weeks.

Then, you suggest talking more.

He agrees, he was hoping you’d come forward anyway.

He tells you about his anthropology job and you admit that you don’t do anything.

It’s mostly small talk, but he develops feelings for you.

You’re such an elegant person, in the way you pen your work and in the way you converse with him.

You two have audio called a few times, your voice is deep, monotoned and has a slight… characteristic to it that he can’t put his finger on.

It’s kind of a snobby tone, but… not with snobby intent?

He talks to you more after those calls… he even tries opening up a little, though very vaguely.

It’s hard for him to talk to you openly.

You’re way above him.

He doesn’t even regularly release works.

It’s you he looks up to and he knows you see him as an underling.

You’re way more mature than he is, despite how he makes himself out to be.

You’re the wise one, he’s just… there.

He notices that you stop coming on one day.

Days pass, no sign.

So much for daily updates on your creations, hm?

Then weeks.

This is getting odd, maybe time to message you.

He asks if you’re alright, but again, subtly.

He does not want to seem clingy towards his literary elder.

Then… a month.

He’s really getting concerned now.

He starts letting loose a little bit.

He starts writing more, maybe in the hopes, you’ll come back.

Maybe it was his lack of work that drove you away from the site…

Perhaps you had moved sites.

He looked for you everywhere.

On every possible site, even the… lower class social media platforms.

No, nothing active.

A few accounts from years ago…

It was heartbreaking, actually.

Pictures of you as a child…

You always had this elegant aura about you… but before then, just a normal child.

Cute, innocent and wanting the most out of the world.

Tears…?

Yes, tears… they were there.

When you came back, he barely reacted.

You told him about everything but…

And, he wanted to be there for you in such a time of need….

But he was so numb.

Those he loved always left and let his emotions die out.

Then, he deactivated his account.

He never told you how he felt.

He didn’t care anyway…

Hoshi Ryoma☯

You two both meet on an anonymous chat site.

It’s short and simple.

You two become good friends over some time.

You always seem to find each other by asking ‘Is this S/O?’ or “Is this Hoshi?”

Then, you moved platforms.

Multiple times actually.

Many times.

As the internet kept updating, so did your contact.

Anon chats.

More anon chats.

Not-so anon chats.

Forums.

Facebook.

Kik.

Messenger.

Skype.

Discord.

Snapchat and Instagram.

You two talked all the time.

He vented to you, all the time.

You vented to him, all the time.

You relied on each other for emotional support and that was it…

But you didn’t feel the spark.

He had mentioned he wouldn’t mind dating you but… you didn't feel it.

Then, the talk of dating became more and he tried making moves on you…

Though, he swiftly apologised after each time.

He knew he wasn’t worth someone like you.

Then, you kind of doubted his identity.

He seemed too… desperate, for a depressive teenager.

Was he really one of those internet predators…?

You asked about it and he broke down.

He explained that life has been really bad and he isn’t sure how to handle everything.

He’s a little desperate for emotional support and you feel terrible.

When you say a little… you’re lying.

Then, you log off for the night.

The next night turns into a week…

then a month…. and you try to.

Real life things have gotten in the way… so you try to end it all.

Then, it fails.

You wake up.

You’re in the hospital.

So… it didn’t work.

Well, you might as well tell Ryoma… nothing left to do, anyway.

You came back to a message from, saying that he knew what you’d done and that he’d done the same.

Only he knew how to succeed.

#mod maki #ndrv3 imagine #ndrv3 #saihara shuuichi #rantarou amami #kiibo #kaito momota #gonta gokuhara #kokichi ouma #korekiyo shinguuji #ryouma hoshi

168 notes · View notes

gweaslcys-blog · 7 years ago

Text

hey pals! it’s naz, here to bring you my second child, george weasley. buckle up y’all, i hope you’re ready for this emotional rollercoaster ride. (spoiler alert: i’m not) i’m gonna be honest, i’ve never written as george before so i’m super stoked to give this a go. anyway, under the cut you can find some info about how he was dealing with things after the war. same as before, hmu or like this post if you’d like to plot with him!

trigger warnings: death, pain/suffering

✧ daniel sharman || he/him || cismale ✧ is that george weasley entering the ministry? the twenty year old is a former gryffindor and i think they fought for the order during the war. but now they work as the co-owner of weasleys’ wizard wheezes. it makes sense, since they’re innovative & loyal but also mischievous & vindictive. ( naz, 22, cst, he/him ).

i won’t go into details about george during hogwarts bc i’m pretty much keeping everything about him canon (unless you’d want to plot out some background details with our characters, then i’ll definitely go on about him in your ims)

the battle of hogwarts was the worst day of george’s life. he knew it would be absolutely terrifying and full of adrenaline – you know, trying to help basically save the world as they knew it – but he never expected the worst to happen. he never expected to lose someone so close and dear to his heart. in all honesty, george died that day as well. or at least that’s what it felt like to him. the one person who had been by his side his whole life, and the 9 months before, had been taken from him in an instant and he hadn’t even been by his side. as odd and unrealistic as it may sound, he imagined the two of them would enter and leave the world together. but alas, they didn’t and george was left with the aftermath. he was a mess. he wasn’t broken, he had shattered into a million pieces. he truly believed with his whole being that it should’ve been him. not freddie, him. fred had more to offer the world than him.

george allowed himself to be visibly broken and vulnerable for exactly two week. not a day more, not a day less. he’d stayed at the burrow for a month after the battle. the first week was spent lying in bed all day, sleeping or staring at walls, and not talking to anyone. he didn’t protest against his family and friends checking up on him, though it wasn’t bc he wanted them to or was okay with it. he just didn’t have the strength and will to say otherwise. the second week was slight progress. he was still practically mute, but he had started getting up sometime after noon and joined meals. the third week was when he finally started to pull himself together. not bc he wanted to, but he had younger (and older) siblings to look after. he had grieving parents, he had to make sure they were all okay. so, despite his own pain and suffering, he shoved all of it down and started helping around the house and tried his best to be there for his family.

the first day back at his and fred’s flat was absolute hell. he knew it would be, and for that exact reason he had chose to do it alone. he’d thought he was doing alright at first. he cleaned up the mess he had left before ditching the place for other obligations, he ate, he was fine. that is, of course, until he sat in complete silence and the cold hard reality had finally, truly, set in for him — fred was gone. he was alone. he cried just as much that day as he did the day of the battle. possibly more.

these days, george is running the weasleys’ wizard wheezes shop. it took a couple of months for him to reopen the shop, but he knew working would slightly help him cope. it’s difficult doing by himself and not having his partner-in-crime to run it alongside him, but he knows fred would’ve wanted him to carry on with the business. the shop had meant everything to the both of them and he wasn’t going to let fred’s and his hopes, dreams, and success go down the drain. he’s still mourning his brother, but he’s trying his best taking it day by day. he tries his best to avoid the topic, if he can, so he’s kind of suffering in silence. he’s pretty sure his family and friends know this, but he highly appreciates it when they don’t bring it up. the only way he’ll bring it up is if he’s honoring fred and talking about their best memories and fred’s funniest moments.

#golden:intro #writing this out hurt my heart so much #don't mind me just sitting here in my ocean of tears

7 notes · View notes

defiestars · 7 years ago

Text

some quick verse + tlj thoughts related info * * very uhHHH likely to change as i go / as i remember things more clearly if / when i subject myself to tlj again

i. recovery // in the empire strikes back novelisation luke was in his bacta tank for 12 hours and then slept for another 16 hours for fatal hypothermia. assuming bacta technology has advanced and become more sophisticated, particularly because it’s now been synthesised into a suit, i’d estimate finn’s recovery to have been in the 30-36 hour mark. ( also, he’s force-sensitive but that’s A Whole Other Topic ! )

if we assume: day 1 post-tfa: rey staying long enough to get her hot new Grey Jedi Look together + organise the gps bracelet plan with leia. the resistance receiving alerts that the first order fleet is approaching and beginning evacuation plans. day 2 post-tfa: finn wakes up, half a day earlier than he did in tlj, just in time to offer information on the weak points of the star destroyers and the dreadnought, including helping devise the plan to eliminate the dreadnought’s surface cannons and clear the way for the resistance bombers.

ii. allegiance // FINN OWES !! THE RESISTANCE !! NOTHING !!!!!! HE DOESN’T OWE ANYBODY SHIT !!!!!!! this boy has risked his life and livelihood time and again from the moment he chose not to kill for the first order for complete strangers, for a movement he had no prior connections with. even if leaving and becoming a ‘’’’’’’ traitor ‘’’’’’ to the resistance had been right for his character and a valid development in his character arc, he does not deserve to be called a deserter for wanting nothing to do with the first order ever again. like........... does anybody fucking realise that alongside the very possible defeat of the resistance, finn being captured by the first order again probably means he wouldn’t be killed, but reconditioned ??????? the first order has had deserters, too !! they also get tasered ! in the Head, specifically their Brain, where they’re basically restored to factory settings. not to mention the sheer amount of bravery and courage and heroism it takes for him to turn around and face the organization that destroyed his childhood, enslaved him, and has systematically abused him every day of his life.

with all of that said,,,,, it makes 0 sense for finn to decide, in the middle of the resistance evacuation, to suddenly up and leave with a shitty ass excuse about needing to be far away for when rey comes back. like ?????? rey's path is already so deeply and inexorably tied to the rube goldberg machine that is the jedi, the resistance, and the skywalkers, and finn knows this. even if he wasn’t fundamentally a person with a moral compass that couldn’t be broken even by two decades of indoctrination into a fascist space nazi regime, finn does The Things He Does because they’re the right thing to do. his character arc is not and has never been defined by rey. i don’t know what dinosaur sloth titty juice rian johnson’s been drinking but repeating parts of finn’s earlier character development to the point of regression is not !!! good !!!! writing !!!!!!!

given that he’s spent 36ish hours in a recovery coma, finn hasn’t had so much as a Second to process, or decide, where he stands in the resistance. like rey, he too is looking for someone to show him his place in all this. unlike rey, he has no mentor figure, no introspective screentime alone, no inner dialogue or space to explore who he is now in the post-first order part of his life. but, for the time being and given the time-sensitivity of the resistance evacuation, he is absolutely on the side of the rebels. these are the people who saved him and protected him, who gave him the jacket off their backs and something to fight for. not only does deserting make 0 logical or tactical sense in the middle of an evacuation, it’s just outright selfish ?? and self-serving ??? none of which finn is, thank you @ryan johnson.

iii. rebellion // so there’s been a lot of differing opinions on finn and rose’s storyline and after agonizing a lot of this i’ve come to the almost final decision that it’s Not As Bad as ppl want it to be. like a lot of mischaracterisation fuck-ups in tlj, it mainly comes down to how this storyline was treated in the grand scheme of tlj and how significant it was to the overarching plot. canto bight only seems irrelevant because ryan johnson is a terrible fucking writer who thrives off sidelining his characters of color. thematically, it served it as a damning critique of the powerful ruling class and political economic elites that are actively profitting from the injustice and oppression of war. rose showing those kids the resistance emblem in her ring is one of the most iconic moments in the film; inspiring a whole generation of children to rise up against their oppressors is everything the resistance symbolizes and fights for.

throwing in an unnecessary oc spitting some half-assed ‘ everything isn’t always good or bad, sometimes there’s just grey areas ’ message in a parallel of the jedi story and ultimately having the undercover mission serve No Purpose Whatsoever was a shitty move. in keeping with the fandom interpretation that tlj is a story about failure, this would’ve been okay only if the detour onto the star destroyer hadn’t been for absolutely nothing. because there Needed to be fucking somETHINg, instead of just benicio del toro rihanna.gif winking with the parting words that ‘ hey sometimes people are just assholes ’. star wars isn’t a story... about... people being fundamentally shitty..... it’s a story about good vs. bad and the enduring struggle for Balance between them; People Are Both. it doesn’t matter what you are but what you do and the choice you have to do good or bad. to counteract the shittiness of dj fucking off, leaving two poc to be forced onto their knees by a white fascist villain, and a black character to be slapped upside the face by said white fascist villain we needed Something. WHERE WAS OUR STORMTROOPER UPRISING, hMMMmm MMm MMMM mMM MM ????????????

bb-8 showing up as deus ex sight gag was funny for 2.5 seconds but now i'm just.... like crait.... a whole Salt Planet. we could have had, it All ? i don’t even specifically know where this part of my tlj-divergent verse goes because it actually requires other non-canon characters to exist but.... hey if any ex-stormtrooper oc’s wanna hmu.... u kno where i’m at. basically, i picture a handful of stormtroopers defecting, escaping with rose and finn, becoming part of the rebellion that is reborn.

iv. battle of crait // this... fuc king scene..... god. let’s just get the wampa out of the way. rose’s ‘ that’s how we’re gonna win. not fighting what we hate, saving what we love ’ was totally narratively undeserved. this is not a criticism of the character but of ryan, again, the man who was paid millions of dollars to write this garbage. in under 18 hours,,,, rose has decided that she has gotten over her lifelong hatred for the first order, her very recent and fresh grief over losing her sister who died Fighting The First Order, and oH, she LOVES FINN ? WHAT. cool. coolcoolcool.

in my canon, i’m going to go with the idea that rose did not kiss finn. but they have a fantastic dynamic, and rose crashing into him, saving him and saying something similar to what she said but more along the lines of not wanting to lose another person she cares about to the first order would have been much... better.... i view this ship as primarily platonic, at least far as tlj goes. finnrey and finnpoe barely had any screentime / development so ryan johnson is flat-out playing no-homo games if he thinks he’s going to sail a ship based on 18 hours of knowing each other. but i’m totally open to seeing where it goes with proper development, etc. in rp, so if there are any rose’s that would like to plot with me and discuss finnrose stuff please !!! i’m begging you !!!!

if ya made it to the end, thank you, ur the real mvp, u are now obligated to message me to plot or yell at me abt ur own tlj salt / headcanons / character analysis.

#✩ // ＯＯＣ． ⟩ MY LONGEST YEAH BOYEGA EVER.MP4 #III. REBELLION. ⟩ // THERE IS NOTHING LIKE HOPE TO LIGHT A REVOLUTION. EVEN THROUGH THE DARKEST NIGHT THE SUN WILL RISE.#thought i might as well post this before i get to my starters #in case anybody has questions or isn't sure how to proceed with my tlj-divergent status #pls don't be afraid to im me or ask questions if you have any #tlj spoilers #the last jedi spoilers

12 notes · View notes

jacquclyn-blog · 7 years ago

Text

hi my guys ! name’s honey, i’m 19 and i’m actively doing everything in my power to keep from going back to campus to get my books because that means classes are about to start and...yep, no thanx. anyways, i’ve been eyeing this bad boy and when i saw lizzie the loml got reopened i’d figure hell yeah, let’s do this thing, so here i am and honestly just accept that you’re never getting rid of me. beneath the cut is more on jackie, ofc, so feel free to hmu or just like this and i’ll come to you !! #buyrainbowonitunes

——— woah! wait, was that ELIZABETH OLSEN i just saw walking down mainstreet? no, of course not. that was just JACQUELYN VANCE. they’re TWENTY-SEVEN years old and identify as CISFEMALE. they have been in Alder Heights for TEN YEARS and work as a MAGAZINE EDITOR. i’ve heard they can be OBSTINATE and PEDANTIC on their bad days. but don’t be put off, because JACKIE can also be FERVENT and DISCERNING. no wonder people around here call them the AMARANTH.

born in los angeles, california, jackie grew up very comfortably; both parents are lawyers and during the clinton administration, jackie’s father served as the us ambassador of france. she was nine when they first moved, and was seventeen when her father’s run overseas was finished, and being back home was an interesting transition for her, since she felt like the odd man out considering she’d fallen in love with the french way of life, i guess? she didn’t really want to leave when the time came, but it wasn’t entirely up to her (her least favorite president is w. bush, 3 guesses why lmao)

instead of going back to la, they moved to alder heights, since her father wanted to continue pursuing a career in government/politics, and it was much closer to dc than la was. her two younger sisters adjusted to life back home a lot easier than jackie did; she wound up completing the last little bit of high school online, since she’d had an accelerated course schedule overseas (she loved school) and would’ve rather been eaten by wolves than go back to public school tbh. she started classes at georgetown uni (rich parents lmao) at seventeen and for awhile, her major was in political science since she had every intention to follow in her father’s footsteps, he was her hero after all

and then somewhere along the line, she realized she didn’t really like political science, she liked having an opinion on and discussing politics, so she moved over into mass communications and her parents weren’t thrilled at all, they totally thought they were going to have a vance legacy and be able to start some family dream team thing and being the oldest, they expected her to be the one to fulfill this, and it definitely started a few fights but they eventually shut up about it just because arguing with her is arguing w a brick wall tbh — they are still slowly coming around, they’re not crazy about it but they still support her, things are Tense, fun times

so she graduated, went on and got her masters, blah blah, fast forward to where jackie finds the job of her dreams at an unnamed, v popular magazine (it’s unnamed bc i want it to be lmao, givE ME TIME but if you need a comparison, think cosmo) and she chased after it hard, like all she wanted to do was be a writer and after spending roughly two years as an assistant, she got promoted to a writer and she loved it, absolutely loved it. got to write about the things she was passionate about, loved the people she worked with, she was living the Dream

and after a few years of just really, really enjoying her job her higher-ups were like “hey, we’re gonna promote you if you want” and in jackie’s mind she was like, hell yeah, more responsibility, more control, all the things she loves tbh and she took the job as the lifestyle department editor since it was broad and encompassed a lot of the stuff she’d enjoyed writing for and of course, Loved it...to a point

jackie is married to her job, and it’s highkey unhealthy tbh, she’s very very hard on herself and now that she’s moved up in the hierarchy of things she’s beginning to see what they ask of their employees and it’s not always stuff she agrees with? it’s a lot of pressure and she’s beginning to fall out of love with all of it in general, the writing, being responsible for stuff, etc and part of her is like fuck this, i’m over it but at the same time, she’s forcing herself to stick w it because she wants to prove to her parents she can too see their successes in the career path she chose

basically, she’s currently conflicted as hell when it comes to work and is currently a don’t ask, don’t tell type of situation

has begun doing freelance writing on the side?? she doesn’t post or share any of it since most of it is just her rambling and she’s not got that much time to dedicate to it as it is but it’s kinda keeping her sane in the moment and reminding her as to why she loves what she does

her label is the amaranth, one of my faves, which p much means that they’re hard to forget and leave an impression and that’s certainly jackie lmao, she’s got a very strong personality that makes it hard for you to confuse her w anyone else

y’all see the traits up there in that app....that’s Her. she’s the kinda person you want in your corner, not the person you want opposing you bc she will end you and show no mercy

is a sagittarius

can sometimes let her emotions get the better of her??? she’s stubborn and gets conflicted very easily and that basically just leads to disaster, she’s great at making problems in her life that aren’t a big deal a Big Deal and what she wants, she’ll get it even if she’s got to step on toes or scream really, really loudly for someone to hear her; her parents taught her to never settle and settle she does not

also bilingual, speaks fluent english and french. usually only slips into french when she’s pissed so...beware

connections i’d love to see for jackie (but aren’t limited to, i just know it’ll be a hot second before i get a page up and running!):

best friend — self explanatory, obviously, but just give me someone who jackie can sit on the couch and drink wine with in her pajamas, someone who’s got her back if they go out to a bar, her go-to if she’s ever got a company thing and she needs a date last minute, someone who’s gonna butt heads with her when there’s a conflict in either of their lives but they still love one another no matter what *cue true friend by hannah montana in the distance*

sibling like relationship — another self explanatory one but jackie’s got a mad mom side to her, she’s v protective of the people she loves so give me someone that might as well be a long lost vance, they do dumb shit together, have each other’s backs, try (and fail) at matchmaking for the other, having a toothbrush with their name on it at their apartment, the works

summer flings!!!!! someone jackie met while she was on vacation or even off on a business thing and they like hooked up and she never in a million years would’ve expected to bump into them back in alder heights......except, she did

tbh just give me a friends-esque group of people for jackie where they all hang out and eat and act like their lives aren’t constantly falling apart, that’d be N*ce too

exesssss!!! the good, the bad, the inescapable, the ones with lingering feelings, the ones that swear they’re over but have a problem every time the other even looks like they’re about to go on a date w someone else, this is free range

college friend — basically someone that she met back when she was in college and was the first bit of american companionship that she’d had since she was like, nine?? like i said, she started classes at seventeen, and hadn’t really interacted with anyone since she did online schooling for her senior year; this could’ve been a roommate, someone she had a class with, someone that she met on campus and got coffee with, we can talk this one out obviously but you get the gist!

angst — idk what, idk how, i just live for it and i want it thanks

someone who lives near jackie and whether it’s really weird stuff like coming over to ask for some milk to put in their coffee since they’re out and forgot to buy some or they like hang out and have dinner together a few nights a week, switching off and stuff, i think this could be Fun

family friend — jackie’s parents are both lawyers and her dad’s been involved in politics for awhile so i can imagine jackie’s gone to her fair share of parties and whatnot, meeting clients and coworkers and all kinds of people so this would ideally be someone she met because their parents were acquaintances/friends; they could’ve met as kids, stayed in touch while jackie was overseas and resumed their friendship years later when the both of them found themselves back in dc, they could’ve met on the more recent end of things, they could totally understand the other’s pain and get along gr8 because someone finally gets it, they could lowkey hate each other bc their parents are rivals/ they’re trying to work through it...the possibilities are endless

and while i’m on the topic of past connections: jackie occasionally had to come back to the us and visit dc while her dad was serving as ambassador (aged 9-17) so if you’re interested, we can totally work something with that

a plot where they’re acquaintances at best, they’ve maybe got mutual friends and therefore they hang out a bit but they’re always arguing w one another for whatever fucking reason, they both probably annoy each other but they’ve got mad sexual tension going on?? maybe they act on it, maybe they don’t, but either way, they lowkey enjoy the bantering and being at one another’s throats even if they act otherwise

#「 •• 𝓗𝓔𝓡𝓞𝓘𝓝(𝓔) ; mun.#alderintro #this will not show up in the tags but Hoe well *throws confetti*

3 notes · View notes

nauseoussuggestion · 6 years ago

Text

i have a bunch of stuff i write down in my sticky notes and its cluttering my desktop

my ap art portfolio explanatino of my concentration: My experience with my diagnosed depersonalisation disorder is the theme of my concentration. Depersonalisation involves feeling a complete disconnection with my body, sometimes causing me to sense estrangement from not only my surroundings but also my mind. With the help of therapy, I have been able to use art as a coping mechanism to illustrate many of my mental health episodes, whether they be good or bad. These pieces represent the emotions that I have experienced in my struggles to recover. A common source of depersonalisation is often reported to be the passing of a close family member. After my dad lost his very short fight to stage 4 lung cancer, my mind resorted to rejecting the concept of reality, and I sunk into a void of numbness and confusion about my situation for years. My future and present were bleak, and any rays of hope were quickly dashed. In the deafening silence and draining emptiness, I fell into my own world where all I could do was think. This is illustrated in piece 12, where I sit within the wildflowers of my mind, depersonalizing and reflecting on the reasons why I have been abandoned in the scheme of life. In piece 3, I illustrate how I feel in my desolate room. When in my room, despite being surrounded by distracting activities, the lightbulb multiplies in a blinding fashion and my eyes blur while I only sit in my somberness, unable to be filled with enough energy to fix myself. My use of, and lack of, colors, as well, play a part in emphasizing my depersonalisation. Many of my art pieces are bruised and garish as seen in pieces such as 4 and 7, representing how I feel about my body: vile and unfamiliar. These are things that often run through my mind in millions of different degrees and variations. I express these variant responses in this concentration, as part of my road to recovery.

rough draft of a thing i was going to send to the tntt faceboook but didnt bc anh jimmy said itd be a bad idea: hello! my name is raymond vo. im from doan kito vua saint columban in mien tay nam. i am a transgender male (born female and identifies as male). i would greatly appreciate if i was able to tie my khan the male's way instead of the female's way even though i have not legally changed my sex or name yet. i firmly believe that our khanhs are a representation of our soul, and i hope to be able to take steps towards getting permission to allow my khanh to reflect my true gender. i'm not exactly sure where to find the right guidance in terms of this topic (being a transgender catholic in VEYM), so i hope by messaging you we may get any clarifications or questions answered. (if you can, please explain your response whether it be yes or no) (if we need to talk this out or smth just hmu so we can talk about it) (thank you for understanding)

something i was thinking about when i thought about how great my c1 class is: i want to leave you guys with this: our catholic faith is diverse. it is filled with people all across the spectrum and it is a beautiful one. what you learned here in this class and what youve experienced at the parishes youve been to are just a sliver of what our faith is. it accompanies the saints whove gone before us, the people here in the present (you guys), and those to come. andrew was telling me about re congress (religious education congress) and how it was the largest congregation of catholics (40k people) that meet annually. it had a wide array of panelists, well-versed theologians and welcoming people, talking of a huge range of topics. there were a bunch of panels talking about intersectional feminism, womens roles in the Bible (a very progressive view i swear), multiple lgbt+ panels, race problems today, etc. i want you guys to know that theres a lot to our faith. its much more than the mass we typically hit snooze on and its much more than the clergy and old white men you guys may not find relatable. our church is progressing and its going to take time but heck there is so much depth to it and so many people who are cheering us on and i want you guys to never get discouraged in those terms. we are the church. i feel like i havent done you guys justice. you guys are a badass group of teens and im so proud to know you all and i mean it from the bottom of my heart that i have absolutely fallen in love with you guys. God is Love and no matter what you guys think of yourselves i want you guys to know that i see so much Christ in each and every one of yall. wherever you are in your faith journey or in your life i am here for you guys (along w sam and andrew) and i just want you guys to know how much i care about you guys. thank you for bearing with me

feelings and words i wanted to say to all the leaders whove affected me but never did: i am lost. i am broken. i am desperate and unworthy and i have so much self hatred for everything that i am. that be said, in all the drowning of emotions and overwhelming nature of my own vices, my love for you guys stands strong. i am proud. proud of this ministry. proud to be a part of this ministry. proud of how far each of the people ive met has come. the teens. the leaders whove just begun this year. the leaders whove been here for eons. im proud to call Jesus my God. im proud to call you guys my friends. im proud to call you guys my family. im proud of the love that i hold for you guys bc heck. i have so much of it. we need you, God. i need this love you have for me to be constant and i know it always will be. thank you

#james babbles #august 2018

0 notes