#i have a migraine and ✨ life is a nightmare ✨

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

If my body could stop throwing a fit after *checks notes* going on one (1) mild errand, playing a couple hours of Stardew Valley, knitting sweater sleeves, cleaning my room in short (& slow) bursts, drawing for two (2) hours, and lighting a few candles, all over the span of two days, that would be great thanks

[mae-lou-ron]

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Welcome, traveler!

I encourage you to read my ✨rules of engagement✨ before jumping in.

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Ratings Legend:

🌼 Fluff ❤️‍🩹 Hurt / Comfort 💢 Angst 📚 Chaptered / Multi-part ⚡️ One Shots 🔥Suggestive / Spice / Mature Themes / NSFW / MDNI 18+

🚧 updated: March 28, 2025 🚧

🖼️ header graphic by me 🖼️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Crosshair~

A Friend Indeed 🌼💢❤️‍🩹⚡️(feat. big bro Wrecker) Two years after settling on Pabu, Crosshair still grapples with recurring nightmares and sleep paralysis. Despite his reluctance to open up, Wrecker's efforts help Crosshair discover unexpected comfort in familiar places. - A Little Kindness 🌼💢❤️‍🩹📚 (ongoing) | Part 1 | Part 2 | It’s been a few months since Crosshair and his family returned from Tantiss for the last time. Settling into civilian life hasn’t been easy, but one Pabu resident shows Crosshair some kindness that makes him want to try.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Tech~

Back To Sleep 🌼❤️‍🩹⚡️ (inspo by the gorgeous artwork done by @/ghostymarni here!) After some bad dreams interrupt your sleep, you find some unexpected comfort in your beloved partner, Tech.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Fox~

Give Me the Twilight 🌼❤️‍🩹🔥⚡️ inspo by this feral Fox piece by @/ghostymarni Overworked and overtired, Commander Fox is just trying to make it through the rest of his shift, but with a budding migraine it’s been easier said than done. Lucky for him, you’ve got some ideas in mind about how to soothe him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Gregor~

For Granted 🌼❤️‍🩹🔥⚡️ Your beloved Gregor returns from a weeks-long mission for the clone underground, and after a long night filled with debriefings, he can’t wait to show you just how much he missed you while he was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Rex~

More Than That 🌼💢❤️‍🩹⚡️ Something has been on your mind, but you should have known your lover in secret, Rex, would see right through you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Wolffe~

Keeping You Around 🌼❤️‍🩹⚡️ Commander Wolffe's assignment to embark on a reconnaissance mission takes an unexpected turn when he finds himself stranded with you—a development he was far from prepared to deal with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Cody~

Signal Lost (part I) 🌼❤️‍🩹📚🔥 What you planned on being a steamy first time after a long deployment turns into an evening hurt feelings and revealed miscommunications. As you both navigate physical boundaries and emotional intimacy, you find yourself more connected to Cody than ever before.

Signal Found (part II) WIP!

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Ratings Legend:

🌼 Fluff ❤️‍🩹 Hurt / Comfort 💢 Angst 📚 Chaptered / Multi-part ⚡️ One Shots 🔥 Suggestive / Spice / Mature Themes / NSFW / MDNI 18+

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Any questions? Just want to chat about Star Wars? I love receiving comments and messages!

[becauseanders]

Would you tell me about CYHMCYtSM: 3? ✨

yes! this is a post-arishok duel recovery fic! that hasn't updated since november 2022, whoops! i guess this one is taking a bit…

the next chapter is not at all done and is already over 5k, but it involves hawke fantasizing about having a mother to comfort her while she's unwell and having nightmares about it, trying to convince justice to make anders leave her because she's now absolutely terrified for his safety after meredith saw her use magic and assumes she was only made champion because she was pretty much on death's door and is scared about how much and for how long that's really going to protect her and if her new level of fame is going to put a bigger target on anders's head, and being a stubborn asshole and pushing herself to do things she's not ready to do and there being consequences to that (particularly involving me projecting an injury i had to have a couple of surgeries about back in 2020, and projecting the hell known as brainstem aura migraines, lol).

i also have it established in a post-canon fic that hawke has chronic pain issues for the rest of her life after the duel, and in the first chapter of this one it basically just goes that hawke was in way worse shape after the duel than varric was willing to tell cassandra.

and here's a snippet!

She catches the pale blue light from the corner of her eye, and she can’t help but turn towards it when she does.

“Anders? Justice?”

Her voice is wet and unsteady, and she decides there is no longer any point in continuing to actively avoid eye contact. The glow recedes.

She turns carefully onto her side, and Anders moves to lie on his side facing her.

“I’m here, love,” he says, cautiously grazing his hand across her cheek. “We’re here.”

“Justice, if you’re listening, you need to get Anders away from me. I can’t promise his safety or yours any longer. I’ve put us all in danger by exposing my magic to Meredith, and if either of you get hurt because of me…”

“No.” And that is distinctly Justice’s voice.

“Don’t you understand, I—”

“No.” More forceful, and this time it’s from Anders and Justice speaking as one.

“Love, I can’t keep you safe. I have a target on my head now, probably even larger than yours. If Meredith decides to investigate my friends, at least Merrill doesn’t fucking live with me. But if she decides my being Champion doesn’t extend protection to the people I love, not even to mention if she decides she can’t have an apostate in the city with power—for fuck’s sake, she probably only did that because apparently everyone thought I was going to die…”

“I’m not leaving you, Marian,” Anders alone says sternly. “I was so bloody terrified I was about to lose you, and now that I have you I’m supposed to walk away from that? You refused to heed my warnings, so you have to understand that I’m refusing yours.”

She is seething. Anders nearly flinches at the extreme change in her expression, and he thinks it’s Justice trying to reassure him that it’s not him she’s upset with.

“Anders. I would kill every single fucking person in this entire Maker-forsaken shithole city if I thought it would keep you and everyone I care for out of Meredith’s hands. But I can only do so much, and if they get to you before I can stop it—”

“Marian—”

“Anders. Stop and fucking think about this for one bloody second! I love you more than anything in the world and I never want to be without you, you have to know I don’t say this lightly. But I… Fuck, Anders, I…”

Anders knows she’s just afraid, he knows that feeling well, but he snaps despite himself. “Marian, I love you but if you want me to leave because you’ve finally come to your senses about me, tell me that and I’ll go.”

And she can’t tell him that, of course she can’t tell him that, but…

He continues, “But if you think for a moment that Meredith of all fucking people, if anyone fucking else is going to keep me from you—”

And that’s when she starts sobbing. Her previously steady soft crying transforms into weeping bordering on wailing, shaking and inconsolable.

“If anything happens to you because of me… I can’t ruin someone I love’s life again, I can’t…I can’t go through this again…”

Her words are barely intelligible through the howling she is desperately trying to suppress but can’t, every emotion she’s carrying coming out in full blast at full volume.

She carries so much on her shoulders, shoulders that now ache and twitch when she moves them.

“I can’t let you get hurt,” she says, whimpering. “I destroy everyone I love, and now you could be next. Anders, please…”

And Anders doubts it would help to remind her how the templars have been after him since long before he knew her and will be with or without her, he imagines that she’ll still insist it’s her responsibility somehow to ensure his safety. So he shows rather than continuing to tell, hoping he doesn’t hurt her in pulling her flush against him and gripping her shirt tight, concentrating on the fabric in his fists in an effort not to squeeze her.

He kisses her head, applying as little pressure as possible, over and over.

“It’s alright, love,” he mumbles to her, repeating what he knows are empty platitudes, but it feels better than silence.

[thatguyrobin]

Sick sick SICK of my health getting worse. I’m so fucking fed up with finding out new stuff wrong with me that I just have to learn to live with.

Went for an emergency eye appointment today cause I’ve been getting new weird visual disturbances, most distressingly a bright white flash that covers most of my vision when it occurs. Immediately worried it was another possible retinal tear/detachment I made this appointment. Good news is, it’s not that. Bad news is, it’s just another part of the retinal/ocular migraines I seem to be getting pretty fucking consistently right now. Which is obviously way less bad that the alternative and I’m grateful BUT there’s nothing I can do about this sort from just learn to live with it, and any future fucked up visuals. Retinal migraine along with hemiplegic migraines cause so much anxiety cause they can replicate other very serious problems, and where I don’t actually get the headache part of the migraine, how am I ever going to know??? Again, glad I don’t get the headache part cause that sounds awful but it would also be a very obvious way to know it was ‘just’ a migraine. Instead of stressing whenever my arms go weak or my vision goes weird or I feel like I’m gonna fall over even when I’m literally just sitting down.

ALSO had a heart appointment (with an accompanying panic attack on the walk through the corridor - yay trauma ✨) only for it to be a complete waste of time cause they only did an ECG and not an echo like always, cause all the slots were taken up. Now have to go back in a few weeks for that too, and I’m soooo jazzed cause the hospital is my absolute FAV place to be /s

To top it off this last week has been full of nonstop nightmares and trauma-related nightmares and the amount of sleep I’m getting is shockingly bad because of it. Shit makes me scared to go to bed cause I don’t wanna wake up 2 hours later scared shitless and unable to get back to sleep. Get though the day with the inevitable (again, interrupted) nap and repeat.

ON A GOOD NOTE, however. I’ve been using my exercise bike which was SUCH a good investment because 1) I can’t really go out and 2) my bones hurt, but where this is low impact and literally in my flat I can do it whenever I want to, so I’m finally getting consistent exercise which is helping my weight loss alongside my calorie deficit (plus I’m actually cooking real food - granted, the most basic stuff, but gotta start somewhere!). Lost 6lb since I started 4 weeks ago and I’m so happy it’s actually working. There’s also the bonus of getting to do maths every day which is fun, and I can see the progress written down which helps keep me at it.

Life has its ups and downs and I’m so appreciative of all the good things that have been happening lately, but sometimes I get bummed out by the bad bits too, and that’s allowed.