#i have a lot of thoughts on this that i dont think we articulated well enough.....

[cons-and-constellations]

**No one needs to respond to this, i treat my blog like a personal journal, nothing I say is an attack in any way**

I think this is a difficult conversation to have. And articulating is difficult. As someone who grew up EXTREMELY poor, around other poor people, some poors dont know WHEN to stop having kids. And when I say that, I mean they keep trying for more, without having thought ahead on how to support those kids, leading to an unhealthy home life situation. Ive also seen poor people have kids and provide for them in such a way that the kids dont know how poor they are. Im not going to be discussing accidental pregnancy bc there are too many variables there.

So I see what OP was trying to say. They didnt mean “poor people can’t have kids” they meant “poor people need to have a serious look at the resources they have to decide if they should have kids and know their limit”. A poor person CAN have kids, be a GOOD parent, AND ask for help/need help.

We Should eliminate poverty because that would ensure that families have all the resources required to raise their kids. But we also need to define what that help would look like, because it isn’t just giving people 2+ grand a month and calling it a day. Eliminating poverty is about meeting people where they are at. ✨poverty is a spectrum✨ (meaning that some people going to need more help than others, and that eliminating poverty is not going to be a simple fix.)

For some, eliminating their poverty would start with getting addiction help, whether thats rehab, support group, or other assistance.

Some people just need childcare. Literally, they have a job that pays well, but not enough for quality, RELIABLE, childcare.

A lot of people just need a stable housing situation. Not like a shelter, I mean like an apartment with a front door that locks where they can LIVE.

Most people need food, so free markets with actual quality food, that are open early and late hours so those people that have odd hour jobs can get groceries.

We also need healthcare, so free insurance that ACTUALLY covers things like insulin, surgeries, mobility aids, DENTAL CARE etc. that doesn’t have 1 million hoops to jump thru. I literally don’t have insurance rn bc of the hoops i gotta jump thru.

We have a lot of these services in place already, they just need revamping. They need more funding, more space, more qualified employees, to DO the work.

And we need rich people to stop bitching about warming centers and abortions.

So yes, you should be financially stable to have kids. But financial stability doesn’t equal rich, and it doesn’t happen without help.

My first time dealing with these people and it was in highschool

[oathofkaslana]

hi lee!! i saw someone pair army dreamers (kate bush) /w himeko. and you are the most honkai pillled person i know;; so I thought you’d probably appreciate it and be able to understand it (and. be sick over it) a lot more than me.

I hope you have very very nnice day 💜

HI I HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS FIRST BEING THAT YEAH. MY GOD YEAH THAT IS SUCH A HIMEKO SONG YEAH....

as you know, one of my favorite ways to analyze himeko is through an anti-military lens. several things i like about this:

fits in w moon shadow and that doctor's guilt over sending children to the battlefield, thus creating a story w anti-entropy and schicksal about military. schicksal deals with so much exploitation ofc but the ones most relevant to this are its use of valkyries as warriors and how the artificial stigmata they are given will eventually corrupt their body and kill them + the fact that valkyries can only biologically be young + common themes of like. romanticizing heroship and martyrdom to an extent which are extremely common in military propaganda + otto's ulterior motivations that he used schicksal for.

adds layers into her backstory w her believing her father actually loved her more than his work and applying to his field after welt lied to spare her feelings..... Fuck. my god. do you see........ footprints of a father............... himeko being used as a tool by her father to get closer to welt for his own gain................

the way it fits in w kiana and mei's story when it comes to sacrifice. <- obviously not to a t. their conflict is more about watching someone you care for make difficult decisions with potentially difficult outcomes and supporting them because its something they truly genuinely believe in w their entire heart.

makes particular lines like this particularly interesting: Fu Hua: Sacrifices are inevitable in the war against the Honkai. Fu Hua: You know that better than I, Major. Showing mercy to the wrong people can be disastrous. Himeko: You have no idea what “sacrifices are inevitable” even means. Himeko: The tragedy is not how many people have died… Himeko: …But how we’ve grown accustomed to the idea that people must die for others to live. ^ particularly kills me bc i think it demonstrates what hi3's commentary on sacrifice is! hi3 isn't really making a moral stance on sacrifice imo. i think it moreso tries to examine how we think of sacrifice and how we're weirdly desensitized to it (again, text above + this one particular interaction on kiana's first mission where himeko explains the protocol that if any of them are corrupted, their teammates are expected to kill them without mercy) and the motivations behind sacrifice (of course much of it coming from a love and want to make the world better, but theres also this theme against sacrifice being someone's duty and sacrifice as a product of someone's own guilt.) hi3 makes a point to distinguish those types of sacrifices versus an action born out of a genuine and deep love and understanding of the world and it's beauty (particularly present in, of course, elysia; kiana; himeko; and ragna*)

also prev quote. cmon man. classic military shit do you remember how in second eruption otto wants to kill siegfried and cecilia bc he realizes they could be a threat to him?????????

*from chapter 25. himeko quoting ragnba:

Himeko: “We fight for the good in this world and things we deem important.” Himeko: “They may seem small, insignificant, but that’s only because they are seeds.” Himeko: “These seeds that are destined for something good will one day blossom and thrive into a beautiful garden.” Himeko: “So, don’t cry for me, comrades.” Himeko: “I have died, but my death will fertilise the soil that grows hope.” Himeko: “And the flowers of the future will one day find something they want to protect.”

[catboy-jupiter]

just saw jaiden's video on having adhd/audhd and uhhhh. i rlly should seek to get diagnosed huh. meds sound like they could rlly help me.....

[notedchampagne]

What makes a tlt au work for you? Do u have any favourites out there/that you’ve thought of?

its hard because it can go down to the writing! i have a huge bias for things that put focus on the characters acting awful and driving the story forward- if a story has a plot thats great, but its the difference between "gideon and harrow keep meeting up at parties and fall a little bit in love every time" and "gideons angry she lost her childhood to the cult so she attends a party with the tridentarii to shotgun adolescent experiences, and harrowhark, frustrated that gideon is pulling on her metaphorical leash, follows to stalk her". the former retains a 5+1 fic format and is more bite-size, while the latter puts more focus into their growth as characters. im not great at articulating what i like specifically, but ill put my favorite fics below:

what if nona was dogs tugs at my heart: its post-canon, slice-of-life, and has a unique concept (said in the title). i judged a book by its cover because i thought the premise seemed too silly at first but ive been made a fool and its pet clown. it feels so true to nona the way its about all the things nona loves and how she gets to explore the world through new eyes. i love the way it explores characters softening up and getting hurt through a third person pov

we have always lived in the apartment by @thatneoncrisis i keep saying this but for the love of GOD guys this au is so good it makes me cry and feel such a deep catharsis from it. it takes gideon and harrow and the ninth as a cult and explores their struggle to adapt to a modern society when noone ever gets a break (WOW ITS JUST LIKE IN REAL L-). quinn writes the sides of griddlehark i think go overlooked in fanfic often: their codependency, their tendency to lash out when theyre defensive, their mutual paranoia and different coping mechanisms, harrows psychosis and gideons bitterness, their relationships to each other as being the only other person who really understands what the other suffered through. god. i feel lightheaded.

"but SAM, i dont like angst but i want to see this writing!" read gap between a tragedy and a comedy

"SAM, i also like when gideon and harrow are horrible because theyre maladjusted teenagers! but i want more antics where the characters drive things forward over angst!" read whats eating gideon nav

you just aint receiving is one of my FAVORITE modern aus of all time (and i heavily recommend the authors other fics as well!) if you really want to see how much i love this fic the fact that my comments take up the entire phone screen probably says a lot. its hard to put it concisely: it keeps harrows air of misanthropy and cruelty but redefines it as the result of her upbringing and personal struggle to live in a university while dealing with a backpack of mental illness and frustration. it changes gideons personality as the daughter of john gaius in a way that makes sense having her grow up with johns middling parenting skills and getting everything she ever wanted (connecting it back to kirionas personality in ntn!). it brings in side characters (specially palamedes. my beautiful boy palamedes) in ways that compliment harrow and gideon but not so obviously that they only exist to be supports. they have their own lives and ideals. its a modern au that brings in the boiling politics of johns cult uprising once again in a really novel way

semi charmed kinda life by @griddlebait. jesuchristo and all his middle names this fic is GREAT for you if you want a slice of life, coming of age type modern au that explores what its like for gideon and harrow if they actually got the space to see who theyd become outside of the stifling fate tlt has for them. as far as modern aus go im usually very hesitant to read them because im afraid modernizing the characters takes features away from their core but i really love and respect the way the author treats the 69ers with care and draws distinct lines that shows me how their grow and change while keeping a line to the anchor. also they write HIDEOUS (complimentary) PINING. DISGUSTING. some of these chapters were so chock full of dyke drama that they made me nauseous and whimsical. i think once a friend said this fic felt like if gh could be reincarnated and i like that descriptor a lot

til the cows come home is another postcanon fic that made me feel sick and crybabyish about it- i would definitely recommend it if you want to explore a happier ending with griddlehark! with this and what if nona was dogs the thing i like most about them is that they mix up vulnerability with pain and fear, so it feels more lifelike that way if that makes sense. i lost my taste in fluff fics over time but when its interspersed with struggle and characters causing problems because they cant cope with themselves it feels much more earnest and raw

this became very long. im not sorry

[saltwaterburns]

even my phone misses your call, by the way

Summary: Elle knows perfectly well that it's a bad idea and that she'll probably regret it when she sobers up, but she still picks up her phone and dials the number of the one she misses the most - you.

Pairing: Elle Greenaway x fem!reader

Warnings: Mentions of a slightly graphic event that happened to the reader, allusions to smut, a few y/n's, no happy ending (for now?)

Author's note: It's day 3 of me watching season 2 after Elle left and it's safe to say that I'm still incredibly wounded, so what better way to project my feelings onto everyone else than writing this! :D For a girl who hates reading angst I sure do love writing it, so buckle up. I'm dedicating this to @bbbbadoobee i hope u like it pls dont hate me

Word count: 4,4k+

Elle knows she shouldn't. She left the BAU for a reason, and it's late. She glances at the clock on the wall, wincing as the time reads close to 3am. But as she sits in her bleak living room, her third bottle of vodka sitting unfinished on the table right next to her phone, she doesn't care about making good decisions. She's lonely. Desperate.

Leaving didn't make her feel any better. She's been lonely for years. She found a home within the BAU, and she doesn't think she'll ever be able to get over it. Get over her team, that at one point became her family.

She's drunk, and she's tired. She should go to bed. Instead, she picks up her phone, and calls you. She misses your voice the most.

It's been years. She doubts you'll answer. She listens to how her phone calls once, then twice, and on the third time when you pick up, she relaxes. "Y/n...it- it's me."

"...Elle?" You ask groggily, sitting up on your bed and trying to rub the sleep away from your eyes with the back of your hand. Wait, what? Elle? You voice your thought.

"Wait, what? Elle? Elle Greenaway?"

Her heart immediately lurches towards you at the sound of your sleep-ridden voice. She can see you so clearly in her minds eye, how you're sitting on your bed, the strap of your sleep top falling off your shoulder, how the freckles painted on your skin form constellations, the same ones she used to trace with her lips.

"Surprise, I guess." Elle responds, her tone a bit off in attempt to seem casual. Her heart is racing right now, but her voice remains steady. "Did I wake you?"

You stay silent for a beat. You don't notice it at first, but the hand you just used to pull the blanket tighter around you and now is resting on your lap is shaking. You can feel your throat constricting and your eyes beginning to sting, both from the lack of sleep and the emotions you're feeling.

"Yeah, yeah you did, but it's fine. Is- is everything okay? I didn't know you still had my number."

Her heart sinks, hearing how off you sound. Your voice quivers a bit, and she can only imagine your face right now, probably pinched and hurt.

"Of course I do." Elle says, and her voice softens a bit. Maybe she shouldn't have called. What was she thinking would happen?

"I just..." She struggles to articulate her thoughts as she rubs a hand over her face. "I needed to hear your voice."

"I, um, I miss you, Elle. We miss you, back at the BAU," You whisper, looking up at the pale ceiling of your room, taking a deep breath to force the tears down. "How are you?"

Your question feels like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, she can't speak. Because how is she actually doing?

"Oh, I..." She hesitates, and swallows the lump in her throat. "I'm...I'm fine." After a few moments, she adds sheepishly, "And I, I miss you guys too..I miss you a lot."

"Did you continue with some sort of federal work at your new um, home?" You ask as casually as possible, the word home leaving a bitter taste in your mouth, because her home should be here, with you, not wherever she is right now.

She's glad you're not prodding her for more information, asking more questions that would be too difficult for her to answer. But she does cringe a bit.

"...No." She finally replies, and her voice is more than a bit embarrassed. "I went...in a different direction."

"That's, that's good, actually. I hoped that you wouldn't. Thought that it would be better for you to leave this life behind, get a chance to heal."

A moment of silence follows that. You don't know what else to say, so you're twisting a strand of your hair around your finger as you wait. But you've always been curious, always digging a little too deep and as you're speaking to her for the first time in years, you can't help but ask.

"Are you happy, Elle?" Was you leaving us worth it?

She listens as you speak, and her heart hurts because when you say it like that, it sounds like you know what's best for her. She thinks for a moment you might tell her to come back, to heal with all of you.

But you ask her if she's happy instead.

And her heart hurts even more because it's the most difficult question you could've asked her.

"Define happy." She says, finally.

From those two words alone you know that she isn't, not fully at least. The perks of being a profiler, you suppose.

"Can you sleep without waking up in cold sweat? Have you managed to stop reaching for a gun that isn't there? Have you stopped being hypervigilant when walking on the street?"

She swallows thickly once you ask her those questions. And the fact that she can't answer any of them with a yes makes her temples ache.

"I..." Her voice trails off, and she shakes her head as if you can see it. "I don't...no. No, not really." She finally says with a sigh. "I can't sleep, I still reach for a gun, and I'm paranoid as ever that someone is after me."

You rest your forehead against your knees that you've tucked under your chest and you bite your lip hard enough to draw blood to keep your tears at bay. All that pain, and and suffering and everything that she's gone through still haunts her, as if her leaving this life behind hasn't had any impact at all.

"I haven't seen you in so long. Did you grow your hair out? Or did you keep the bangs and the bob?"

"The bangs and the bob." She says, and she winces as she realizes how much she actually misses you. If she concentrates hard enough, she can almost feel the ghost of your hands playing with her hair. "I have a few more grays now, though. I'm a real old lady."

You can't help but let out laugh at that, but it comes out wet. You cringe at that. An average person might've missed it but you know that she heard and you know that she has put it together that you're crying. You cringe even more.

"I'm not the youngest anymore either, Greenaway. Sporting a few greys myself under these luscious curls. Thankfully it's not too visible."

You're right - the wetness in your laugh doesn't go unnoticed. Her eyes immediately tear up as well, and she swallows against the lump of guilt in her throat, because she knows she's the reason you're crying right now.

"Yeah, well, you're too pretty to go grey anyway." She's teases right back, but her words are also laced in bittersweetness.

"Always the charmer, huh?" You bite your lip in a smile, feeling giddy for a moment. "Is there, um, anyone special for you nowadays? Are you tied down?"

"No one special, no tied down." She says quickly, maybe too quickly for it to be casual. After a few moments of silence, she adds, hesitantly, "Is there someone special for you right now?"

You shake your head, because how could there ever be someone who isn't her in my bed and in my heart, but then you remember she can't see you so you somehow manage to utter a soft "No."

"There isn't. There hasn't been one, really, ever since you left. You're always in the back of my mind." Your voice quietens as you say the last part.

She can feel her heart start racing when you respond, her body tensing up. She can't believe what she's hearing. There's no one special in your bed, no one in your heart...not even in these last YEARS since she left?

There's this strange, overwhelming sensation that rises up in her. One part of her wants to be angry that you've wasted away waiting for her. But the other part of her, the part that has her heart racing can't help but feel happy. Hopeful.

You keep talking, not giving her a chance to say something in between. "I know what you're gonna say. I can imagine your face and your expression so clearly. You're mad that I've wasted years waiting for you, even though I knew that the chances of me ever seeing you again were close to none. But I just couldn't help it. You can't blame me for that."

She actually laughs aloud at that, because you know her so damn well. She's frustrated, because of course, you've guessed right. She doesn't want you to have waited for her, especially in vain.

She never intended to see any of you again, especially you. And of course, you couldn't help it, because that's who you are. Loyal to a fault.

"You're right, I'm pretty damn frustrated right now." She responds, and her tone is more fond than angry.

"How can you expect me to move on after what we had, Elle? After those nights in the jet? After the nights curled together under the sheets? After we've taken bullets for each other, after I've stitched you up with my bare hands and bailed you out of jail? After that night we spent together right before you left the next morning, leaving me to wake up to an empty bed?" Your voice breaks in the middle of your ramble, and you can feel the hot trails your salty tears are leaving on your cheeks.

"How can you blame me for waiting when you're the only woman I've ever loved?"

You leave her, for the first time in a while, completely speechless. Every event you name flashes before her eyes, so familiar yet so far away. There's so much she wishes she could say, but she's always been a coward when it comes to voicing what she feels.

"Why did you call me, Elle?" You ask, your voice no louder than a gust of wind. Your bed feels extra cold tonight, too large for you to sleep in it alone. You curl up on your side, clutching your phone in your hand.

Why did she call you? She asks herself the very same question, and the guilt begins to chew on her when she realises she doesn't have an answer for you.

"I...." Her voice breaks. "I don't know. I just...I wanted to hear your voice. I missed you, I guess."

Her answer is as unsatisfying as you guessed it would be. For some reason you hoped that she'd confess her own love for you as well, telling you everything you've longed to hear for all these years. But her answer is as vague as always, and the disappointment burns.

"Did you know that Gideon left, too? And that Hotch and Haley got divorced?" You ask meekly, toying with the silky sheets under you.

She knows. She hates herself for it, but she's kept tabs on all the team since she left. She knows about Gideon, about Hotchner's and Haley's divorce, about Haley's ....

Every single time she finds herself reaching for her phone, about to type in a phone number, she has to remind herself that it's healthier for her not to reach out. But each time, it has gotten more and more difficult.

Her voice comes out soft and remorseful. "Yeah, I know, I...I've heard."

Oh.

"I got taken hostage a few months ago. Barely made it out alive, was in a coma for two weeks. Did you know that?"

Her blood runs cold in her veins as you say that, her heart rate increasing immediately. Her hands begin to shake and her eyes widen.

"No. I- no, I didn't know that. You...?" Her voice falters as she begins to ask that question, and she pauses before trying to finish that sentence. "You were in a coma? What happened?"

There's something satisfying about hearing her panic, however cruel that might be. It feels good to know that she didn't reach out because she simply didn't know.

"There was a bomb. I was too close. Hit my head against a block of concrete so hard my skull fractured and my two of my ribs broke off, piercing my lungs."

The moment you say all of that, she actually feels dizzy with panic.

Imagining you lying on the floor in pain, struggling to breathe, struggling to stay alive.. She can feel her nausea rising as her stomach twists.

Elle can't speak as she thinks about all of it. You could've died. She almost lost you and she wouldn't even have known. Would Garcia have told her?

"I'm okay now, though," You whisper softly with a smile, hoping that she can hear it through your voice. "Sometimes I get really bad migraines, but the doctors say I shouldn't have any other complications."

She tries to collect herself, steadying her breath as you tell her that you're okay. Mostly okay, she should say. But you're here, so that's what matters.

"Y-yeah?" She asks, her voice a bit shaky. "How long ago was this, baby?"

Baby. She always used to call you baby. It used to fill you with fluttering butterflies but now it just feels like swallowing acid.

"I think it was at the beginning of the year. It's July now, so 5 months at least." You hum in thought, counting back the months on your fingers. A car drives past your window, the lights flashing, and it feels melancholy. You can't help but let your mind wonder and imagine it's Elle, coming to see you. But she won't, you know she won't.

"Five months..." Her heart aches to think of you going through all of that, dealing with that alone, while she didn't even know. Didn't even check up on you. She hates herself for it, even more than usual. She feels like she's going to throw up.

"Y-you never, did you..?" She can't even get out her question, swallowing heavily. "...call me?"

"...I tried to. I asked Garcia if she could find any way for me to contact you, but she never managed to. You disappeared pretty good on us." You laugh a little, but there isn't any humour behind it. Just a little hurt.

Her heart sinks at your answer, and she closes her eyes in anguish. Goddamn it. Of course you tried to call her. Of course you wanted her there.

"Yeah, I..." She tries to speak, tries to find her words, but she can't. Not when she knows how badly she hurt you.

"M'sorry." She finally murmurs, a bitter feeling bubbling up her throat.

You coo at her. "It's okay, Elle. I'm fine now, aren't I? And you're on the other end of the phone. No need to fret about it now. I didn't mean to make you feel bad with all of this, by the way. I wasn't trying to rub it under your nose. I was just curious if you knew."

She swallows at that. Even now, even after she's abandoned you, left you behind, caused you pain, you're still trying to comfort her. Trying to make her feel better, trying to tell her what she wants to hear.

She doesn't know why she expected something else, but she hates it.

"You're too kind for your own damn good, you know that, Y/n?" Even saying that is hurting her.

You don't know what to say to that. You've never been good with compliments or praises of any sort, so you just blush and change the subject.

"Did you know that Spence and Morgan still talk about you? Oh, Elle would've known this and Elle would've liked that gets thrown around the office pretty often."

A faint smile tugs on her lips and a small laugh escapes her.

Thinking about Spencer and Morgan still having her in their thoughts doesn't make her feel exactly good, but it makes her feel something.

"Really now?" She asks, her voice still a bit rough from earlier, trying to mask her excitement. "What do they say about me?"

"They still value your opinion very highly, even after all this time. It wasn’t always like that, though. Your name has a lot of respect at Quantico now, but it was a very sensitive topic for a good while. You're missed....I miss you, too." I reminiscence, letting my eyes fall shut. If I try hard enough, I can pretend that she's here and that we're talking face to face, not thousands of miles apart.

"Where are you? Are you still in the US? Or did you leave?"

"I'm still in the US," She replies softly, the corner of her lips pulled back in a sad smile. "I'm in New York. I...couldn't imagine going farther than this from here."

"The Big Apple, huh? I've never been. It sounds awesome, though. I'd love to go one day as a tourist, not as a profiler. Fly economy and all that stuff." You laugh softly, turning to lay on your back.

She grins widely because the thought of you walking around New York, on a vacation, having a good time - it seems like a faraway dream to her.

"It is awesome.There's quite a bit to do, and to see. Especially for a tourist that's not on call."

The hours of the night are catching up to you and you can feel sleep pushing it’s dull claws into you, but you don't want to tell her that. Hanging up could mean never talking to her again.

"Is the subway really as dirty as they show in movies?"

She responds with a snort and an eye roll. "It's worse. Far worse."

"Yeah?" you ask, giggling quietly. "You're having hand to hand combat with the rats?"

"It feels like it, honestly," She grins at your question. "Fighting them for a seat, that is. I feel like I've seen more rats and roaches than human people."

You let out a loud laugh at that and cover your face, letting your phone drop from your hand, your heart feeling light.

A genuine laugh escapes her at that, and the sound of it surprises her. When was the last time she had laughed like that? Was it back when she had just started at Quantico?

For a moment, it feels like the years between the two of you have disappeared, and she's in your bedroom, laughing with you as the night deepens. As the noise calms down and both of your breathing returns to normal, you feel tears prickling in your eyes yet again.

"Will I ever see you again?"

Her body goes rigid at that. She was just having a good moment with you, giggling and laughing, and now...her stomach is in knots.

How could she answer your question? She wants to say "yes, of course", but that wouldn't be true. She wants to say "no, probably not", and that wouldn't be fully true either.

Instead, she swallows and says, "I-I don't know, Y/n. I don't know."

You expected that.

"Tell me that I will, Elle. Tell me that you'll be here tomorrow morning, that you knocking on my door will wake me up. Even if it’s a lie. Please tell me." You beg, a sense of urgency and desperation in your voice.

Her heart thumps wildly inside her ribcage as she listens to you. It's like her heart and mind are having a mental battle, because they want completely different things.

She wants to be there. She wants to be the one to wake you up by banging on the door, she wants to see you in all your glory, hair and clothes messed up from sleep, your cheeks puffy...she wants that more than anything in the world.

But it's not so simple. Her mind is reeling with all the reasons why this can't happen, why she shouldn’t grant you the peace of her saying it, but she can't help it. You’ve always been her vice.

"Please tell me that I'll see you tomorrow." you plead again, your voice cracking. Your heart is constricting inside your chest.

Her resolve begins to crumble at your desperation. God, you're begging her. And she can't find it in her to disappoint you.

"You'll see me tomorrow," She finds herself saying, her voice barely above a whisper. It hurts her to say it, because it's a lie. Because it won't be true come the morning, which means she's setting you up for that same disappointment she tried to avoid just now.

You quickly wipe the tears from your cheeks with the back of your hand, nodding along, feeling reassured. Kind of.

"Will you- will you hang up, now?"

She doesn't want to. She wants to keep talking to you, but she knows she's keeping you up. She can hear the tiredness that’s laced in your voice.

"Yeah..I should," She murmurs begrudgingly, her voice thick with emotion.

Your resolve breaks.

"I love you, Elle. I don't think I'll ever stop," You can't help but confess, the words feeling like shards of glass leaving your mouth.

Her heart shatters into dust when you say the words. It's the most beautiful and yet the saddest thing she's heard in years.

She knows, of course she does. She’s always known that you loved her. Back when you were sneaking around with each other, when you were convulsing around her fingers, your climax having you cramped up, the three words always fell from your lips one way or another. She just didn’t have it in her to say them herself. But now, she has to cover her mouth to stop herself from confessing the same. Her breathing wavers and her hands shake.

"Don't say that, Y/n. Don't say that," She all but begs, her voice strangled and strained.

"You know that I do. My heart is yours and yours only. You know that, too." you keep on going, your voice thick with emotion.

The words pierce her like a dagger right into the heart. She can't deny it and she can't tell you to stop, so instead, she responds with a soft, broken, "I know, I know you do. And you know that I feel the same.”

"Say it, Elle. Please? Say it properly." You plead her gently, toying with the straps of your sleep top. You suddenly notice that it's one of Elle's old shirts that she left here. You swallow back a sob.

She feels her heart beating erratically as you urge her to say the words. It's such a simple thing, just three little words. Three words that she's wanted to say to you for years, but always held back.

"I love you, Y/n," She finally confesses, her voice quavering. "God help me, I love you."

You laugh softly and close your eyes as you finally let the tears stream down your face freely. Hearing her finally say those three words was probably the most painful thing you’ll ever experience, but it feels euphoric. After all these years.

She isn't sure how to label what she’s feeling. Relief? Anguish? Saying that she loves you should make her happy, but all she feels is a deep aching pain because she knows that it isn't going to change anything. But what’s done is done. She can't take it back now, and she's just made the whole thing so much harder.

"I'm sorry," She apologizes, her voice cracking now. "I'm sorry, Y/n. I love you, I've always loved you, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, honey. You know I'll always forgive you, and this time it isn't even your fault. Thank you for loving me. I love you, too. I'm ready to hang up now, if you want. I know this can't be easy for you either."

She can't speak past the lump forming in her throat. How do you always manage to forgive her? Saying that this time it's not her fault. You're so kind, too kind. But you’ve always been like that, and she feels sick for taking advantage of that. She wouldn’t deserve you even in a million lifetimes.

"Yeah," She manages to croak. "I should go, and you have to get some sleep. It’s late."

"I don't know if you'll call me ever again, but thank you for doing it today. It feels nice, talking to you again. I missed you terribly."

Her heart breaks hearing that you think this might be the last time she ever calls, even though there’s a high possibility that it is. She wants to tell you that she'll call you again, and again and again, but she can't. She can't promise you that. She can't make you false promises, not anymore. So instead she just murmurs, "I missed you, too. Night, baby."

"G'night, Elle.." you whisper, barely audible, and press the end button. A small click sound echoes around the now eerily silent room and you let out a wail, falling on top of your pillows in sobs.

Elle can't move for a few moments after you hang up, just sitting and staring at the wall. She feels numb. Cold. Empty. Why the hell did she do that?

She can still hear the sound of you crying, it was so distinct and full of pain, even through the phone. She's the one that did that, she made you cry. It’s just like the day she left.

With a pained cry, she brings the phone down to her lap and buries her head in her hands, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

You don't know whether to hate or to love her for picking up that phone tonight and pressing that call button. Your heart feels strangely light after finally being able to free itself from all the emotions it’s had to carry over the years, but your soul feels terrifyingly empty. What now? You just go back to your everyday routine and pretend that tonight didn't exist?

The same thought is racing through Elle's mind. There's a small part of her that's glad she managed to hear your voice again, but everything else...god, she just made things so much harder for the both of you.

You're going to wake up tomorrow morning, and there won't be anyone at your door.

That realization, that she did that to you...it kills her. But right now, she can't undo it. What's done is done.

It's stupid, but as you lay on your cold sheets, alone yet again, falling in and out of consciousness, you can't help but hope that you’ll find her behind your front door as the morning comes.

hi please excuse the repetitive words and the medical talk idk if your ribs piercing your lungs is either survivable or puts you in a coma

[snobgoblin]

erm I've actually been nervous to post my Arcana theories here but I really like this one if you'll fuck with me on this

I think that like, the way the characters use magic? is actually based on the Minor Arcana. let me explain

the suit cards, to my understanding, have an elemental association and an overarching thing they relate to in a reading. I'll list out the elemental association of each suit and the traits associated with it, to the best of my ability, drawing from multiple sources including the official Arcana tarot guide, and then when I'm done with that I'll explain how this correlates to the magic systems present in the game

Cups ☕️💧

this one is associated with water, and it relates to matters of the heart, emotions. as well as connections to other people, spirituality and adaptability

Swords 🗡🌬

is associated with air, and deals with internal dialogues, logic, and intuition. it also has associations with decision making and intelligence

Wands 🪄🔥

this one is associated with fire and emphasizes willpower, self reliance, and the ability to take direct action. there's a lot of strong emotions associated with this one, it's a passionate suit

Pentacles ⭐️🍃

is associated with earth and deals with the tangible things in one's life, physical things. it also represents hard work, stability, and practicality

NOW THAT IVE EXPLAINED THAT let me explain how this fits into the way characters will use magic

Asra 💧

i dont think *matters of the heart* represents anyone better than Asra, how about you 😉? not to mention his magic is described as feeling like rain, he communicates through water, he can MAKE water in the desert, in the gladiator battle they can control it too iirc, AND his personal gate is full of pools of water. their teachings also seem extremely emotion based in a way that's hard for me to explain, a very "believe it will happen and it will happen" kind of way to using magic (God I wish I could articulate this better but luckily the others will be easier to explain) all of this would mean they would be operating under the Cups magic system

Nadia 🌬

Intuition is her whole thing! of course she'd be the swords (also notable that Nadia is great with a sword) intelligence also screams Nadia, she knows 12 languages and when she first met the High Priestess all she wanted to do was figure out how the realm worked because it wasn't scientifically accurate to her. decision making is also fitting considering she is the Countess

Lucio 🔥

Lucio is actually a little bit bad at magic according to Asra, so I won't be relying on him entirely for this (you'll see) however, it should be noted that when Lucio summons Vlastomil, he does so by setting a fire and then cutting open the bottoms of his feet. this mirrors how Morga uses magic, like once she cuts open her palm to catch her own spear on fire, and there is no hesitation in the way Morga uses magic, like rushing into portals (not for recklessness, but because she's so sure of herself) and another time she breaks the Devil's chains via extremely precise spear throw, something Asra is impressed by. so! I think the wands suit fits just perfectly when we consider direct action and self reliance in reference to Morga, and I suppose by extension Lucio, if he practiced a bit more

Muriel 🍃

his magic is actually described as feeling earthy at at least three different points, and the way he casts magic is very interesting as well. runecasting, which is described in the game as Muriel throwing a rock and interpreting the meaning. which is a very physical, grounded way to use magic. not to mention the myrrh and protection charms he uses- those are also extremely tangible things, naturey things so I think it aligns perfectly with the Pentacles. I would even argue that Mazelinka falls under this magic system, since she uses plants to make her potions- which is also a tangible way to do magic- pulling from your environment and such

so yeah I just thought that was interesting 🤔

[ms-all-sunday]

please give us your Nami thoughts, I love your takes on her. It can be about anything you're currently thinking about but if I could pick then could you talk in depth about what you think about the Nami & Ussop dynamic ? Like yeah it doesn't need explanation about why they're my favorite duo among the strawhats but some of the things you've said about Nami and Ussop individually were not things I had thoughts about before so I want to know what you think of Usopp & Nami

i love nami forever thank you anon this is so sweet and i feel so appreciated. i hope i dont let you down. i'll do both!

i think i havent talked formally on this blog about how nami is written in most fanfiction to other people, but i try to emphasize in my fanfiction the fact she's an abuse victim since I feel that's one of her most apparent traits. the way that she deals with trauma is very reliant on exclusively herself, something i don't think is talked about a lot is that her expectation of what she is told is true is not only reflective of how pirates are known to the god fearing public (indicative of propaganda) but that she exclusively sees herself as the exception to a lot of rules, there's this inherent close-mindedness she has but won't ever really get rid of, that naunce and the room for things to go positively can't fit within her self perception.

this is because she believes she is the only thing in life she can control, and it's a necessary self-perception to maintain the inner worldview she has.

this of course is a survival instinct inherited from her childhood. but what it speaks to i think is that in real life and one piece the anime, that abuse victims (children and teens especially) can come out with a cynical view of the world and externalize that onto others (advocating for the current dysfunctional societal systems for example like nami does in repeating wg propaganda) simply because of how much we alienate them and how that continues to give no hope to people looking for community and understanding.

i like usopp and nami. theyre my favourite dynamic as well! i think something nami is able to do with usopp and nobody else (even with women) is give him the benefit of the doubt. i think this is because she relates to him

(i think she has bpd as well but i cant decide whether thats my legitmate reading of the text or me projecting. i write her like she has bpd. you decide.)

if we look at water 7 i think she's the most sympathetic of the usopp apologists because she was very obviously coming at it from a place of understanding from usopps emotional perspective (because she relates to him and loves him) in a way that nobody else really was articulating. because she's been in that situation where she's successfully alienated herself from everybody she loves in a way nobody else on that crew related to usopp (and by extension robin) on that crew during water 7.

nami doesnt just have a relationship to usopp she could have with no other man she has a relationship to usopp she couldn't have with anybody. i think. usopp is the only one who can cross the invisible boundary of the fact she expects you to be a kiss ass towards her lest you get consequences but usopp isnt a kiss ass to her and there are no consequences. (in fact usopp is quite snarky/mean to her, which is how he is when he isn't masking and completely confident in himself: see end of enies lobby) she apologizes to him when he's snarky to her in thriller bark.

since this is a nami themed post i won't talk about usopp as much. but have you noticed? usopp is mean when he's comfortable with people. he has this attitude at the end of enies lobby as they're escaping on the merry, i think i registered it subconsciously but i only did register it consciously a few weeks ago, but if usopp is truly comfortable he's not a kiss-ass whatsoever. and he's never a kiss ass with nami.

we don't really think about it like this because people are so prone to dismiss usopp is one of those characters that have a facade of palatability when he feels he's not on the same level as someone, coming from his insecurity, but in regards to his genuine attitude we see in enies lobby and with nami that admiration is not the true breath of how he thinks about zoro or sanji or luffy. he thinks they're fucking stupid as well. and he's right. (this exact thing is another reason nami is able to emphasize with him. she thinks similarly)

this ties into both nami and usopps implementation as shonen characters. they're smart and witty and have big personalities to differentiate them from the more powerful characters, i feel this juxtaposition with more traditional shonen characters has made oda feel like he has to justify both usopp and namis existences in the story in a way he doesn't with the other characters. i think it's this element that makes them the most consistently well written throughout every arc they appear in as opposed to the other 7.

[sukunasweetheart]

//just me venting about sukuna haters sorry

Not me seeing so much discourse about whether sukuna is a well written villain or not... he essentially has no backstory shown as of yet and we barely know anything about him but he is still one of the most naturally interesting and compelling characters in the whole damn series bro 💀 buckle up bc its about to get lengthy (im just glazing sukuna in this post ngl so 🧎‍♀️)

so many whiny ass mfs are weeping about how he "doesn't have any personal goals or a proper reason to be a villain" when that is the whole point???? He lives on his own desires and satisfactions and does whatever he wants to, because he is capable enough to do that. Mfs want "real villains" but cant even handle sukuna 💀 ive seen too many shit ass threads and poorly articulated "critiques" on his character that dont make any valid points. If you can't even separate your personal dislike of a character from your analysis of their writing, dont even bother posting that shit please 😭😭😭 the fact that we haven't even gotten any information about his background yet and people are jumping the gun about him being "poorly written" is already saying a lot 🤨

The fact that yall are so bitter and angry about him that you can write 500+ words about how oh-so-terrible of a villain he is kinda proves that he's doing his job well tbh 💁‍♀️

What also bothers me to no END is how people compare him with villains of other series, who had compelling sob stories that made people empathise with them. Thats nice and all but why should all villains have grand ideals and be subject to feelings of empathy/sympathy from their audience?

Part of what makes sukuna so interesting is how he's not tied down by morals, rules or long term goals in life. He doesn't limit himself, which is what makes him an unpredictable character. He's completely left behind what it means to be human in many ways, and he's clearly not a character written to be empathised with. He is very purposefully inhumane and distant from everyone else, and that feeling transcends from within the series to real life as well. There is a clear lack of understanding bc most of us can't comprehend what its like to just live without being goal-oriented.

Sukuna is a true anomaly in the sense that he doesnt really fit in any kind of box within the series. He's born from man, but its clear that he separates himself from humans (and nobody else considers him human, either). He's not a cursed spirit. He hovers between life and death. The narrator referred to him as the honoured one, whilst angel referred to him as the disgraced one.

These little contradictions in his character make him all the more complicated and interesting to think about. And even recently, he's been shown to waver a little bit momentarily in the manga, questioning his own irritation at yuuji. He's capable of self reflection, and though sukuna does whatever he wants for the most part, he doesn't blindly go into things without some thought first, he's a constant thinker and analyser, and an intelligent one at that.

And honestly, he is always such a joy to watch and read, his personality is so flavourful, and the way he carries himself is very attractive. He's not afraid to get messy or of getting hurt, theres so much chaos in the way he does things and yet he also has a huge element of gracefulness to him, which shines through the poetic way he speaks. Its undeniable that sukuna simply oozes charisma...

And this isnt talked about enough but this man is genuinely so effortlessly funny (in a kind of sinister way i guess?) Like yes he is an old ass man having real beef with one FIFTEEN YEAR OLD for very little reason, he accidentally healed yuujis arm and somehow expected him to be grateful for it despite how he literally ripped his heart out afterwards, then he proceeded to sit on him after kicking him down likeeee 😭 what kind of behaviour is this sir

His facial expressions at yorozus yapping 💀 THE WAY HE COMPARED YUUJIS FACE OF DESPAIR TO THE HARIMA STATUE 😭😭😭💀😭💀💀😭 omg that was so foul but i was fucking losing it ngl

How he randomly compared gojo to a fish and started talking abt his scales... thats a very unique and descriptive comparison, isnt it? Even in the recent leaks, he was 100% ready and squaring up to a literal child talking abt "youre starting to get annoying" LIKE HELPPP 😭 HE FR SAID "fuck them kids and fuck you too"

I saw someone saying that sukuna has no passion, like are we talking about the same character....? This man is a literal jujutsu NERD 💀💀 he truly recognises talented sorcerers and the only time hes seen to be having genuine fun is when hes fighting a mf... is that not passion? This is literally sukuna when it comes to jujutsu: 🤓

Anyway im done here now, im pretty sure i missed a lot of things i couldve talked about as well but ive done enough yapping

[goodmiffy]

hope this doesnt come off as bad faith but what do you think of this quote??? i dont like it but ig i cant properly articulate my thoughts on why https://www(.)tumblr(.)com/librarycards/187079810359/librarycards-anti-prostitution-feminists-and

I also don’t like it and don’t agree with it, it would take a lot of dissecting and articulating to really express why, but I’ll try my best with the main reasons.

1. “work is being constantly re-inscribed as something so personally fulfilling you would pursue it for free”

This is working on the belief that having sex is or can be considered ‘work’, but the argument we make is that sex isn’t work, and work can’t be sex, because:

sex is by definition mutually involved and consensual, and that consent is freely given. that is a basic feminist understanding of what separates sex from rape. remember the idea that rape is not a ‘type of sex’ any more than drowning is a type of swimming. rape is antithetical to sex, because sex requires freely given consent. if the only reason you would agree to sex is through the offer of money, that consent isn’t freely given it is coerced. “B-but all labour is coercion through money- that’s the point” yes except coerced manual labour is coerced manual labour, coerced ‘sex’ is rape. anyone who claims these are the same thing, or that being penetrated to earn a living is the same as hauling pallets, is being completely disingenuous and has a vested interested in encouraging the idea that it’s the same thing (they want to convince women it’s the same so they will do it!). so essentially the reason i think sex cannot be ‘work’ is because sex cannot be coerced, and work is essentially coercion. ‘sex work’ is an oxymoron.

so no, we don’t all enjoy our jobs, we need to earn money to live and that’s why we work, sure. something being ‘work’ doesn’t necessitate wanting to do it for free, but sex absolutely does. that’s the principle of sexual consent.

reason 2: the false dichotomy being made between paid ‘sex work’ and unpaid labour. positioning these this way kind of implies they’re the only choices for women, “hey at least I’m being paid! the alternative is an unpaid internship which i can’t afford” but we would say well, both of those things are bad. neither is a good solution for women, neither empowers us or helps us enter and stay in the workforce. yes maybe it’s hypocritical that Equality Now, an anti-prostitution org advertises unpaid internships, however that is because it is a non profit, thus they rely heavily on volunteers and donations, and an internship is essentially a contracted period of volunteering. they might be a big organisation but it doesn’t mean they have money to spare, and that’s a sad reality for non-profits. it’s not the same as multi million dollar companies having internships. the same goes for the anti-slavery charity. it’s a fucking charity??

“The result of these unpaid and underpaid internships is that the women who are most able to build careers in the women’s sector – campaigning and setting policy agendas around prostitution – are women who can afford to do unpaid full-time work in New York and London. In this context, it is hardly a surprise that the anti-prostitution movement as a whole has a somewhat abstracted view of the relationship between work and money.”

yeah, it probably does mean that only women with some financial safety net can volunteer their time to work for these non-profits and charities full time. is that a bad thing? that’s the reality of most volunteer work, most people cant afford to not be paid to work. most who do volunteer do so part time, usually very few hours a week or even a month, and that’s very awesome of them, right? so women who have the capacity to volunteer full time (because that’s what an unpaid internship is in essence) choosing to do so, is just as fucking awesome, right? isn’t that good of them, so why are they being villainized (we know why). they could be doing anything with that time and they’re choosing to use it to help vulnerable women have more options in the workforce.

I don’t understand how that translates as an ‘abstracted’ view or lack of understanding of the relationship between work and money. it’s a very clear understanding, which is why they don’t want women to have to endure unwanted sex acts just to make a living. that’s why they advocate for better options for women. anti prostitution in those contexts doesn’t begin and end with making it illegal, in fact it doesn’t mean that at all. it is about creating opportunities for women in prostitution so they can leave, or criminalising soliciting rather than prostituting, to enforce the message that it’s wrong to buy and sell women, but women are not at fault for needing to resort to this to earn a living in a patriarchal misogynistic society. the work-money view is not ‘abstracted’ it is simple, everyone should be paid fairy for the work that they do. but to purchase ‘sex’ from a woman is to rent her body as though she is nothing but a sex object. and that is immoral. men who solicit are not employing women to work, they’re paying to use her for masturbation. if a landlord offered decreased rent in exchange for sex, most everyone would see the clear immorality and exploitation of that situation, but a woman agreeing to unwanted sex for pay because she needs that money to pay her rent, that’s different somehow? no, it’s still exploition. anti-prostitution is as much about men’s choices in exploiting women as it is supporting women in exiting the sex trade.

so i think fundamentally that quote has the intentions of anti-prostitution all backwards, they see it as prostituted womens’ livelihoods being taken away, but we’re advocating for a world where women do not need to be prostituted to earn a living and have opportunities for better, safer livelihoods. women should not need to endure unwanted ‘sex’ as a livelihood in the first place, and if there were more opportunity for women in the workforce, they wouldn’t need to. in essence they’re arguing that /of course they don’t enjoy it, but who enjoys their job? we do it because we have to get paid/ and i see that i totally do, but constant unwanted penetration is not a job, it is assault of the body and mind. it comes with constant misogynistic abuse and harassment and the risk of STDs, some of which are life threatening. it takes a physical and emotional toll that no other manual job can compare to, and if those women could earn a decent living doing something else, the vast majority would. and the first hand evidence from prostituted women supports that notion.

[crystallizsch]

Hello! I really like your art and comics with Jamil and your OC. It looks very cute!

I just want your thoughts on this as a Jamil lover. I really like Jamil but Idk why??? I like him so much that I cry whenever I don't get his card or daily greetings at login. He's not usually my type like Izuku or Tanjiro. Just want to know your thoughts since you like Jamil hehe. It's ok if you don't respond!

AAH THANK YOU SO MUCH it means a lot to hear you like them i really appreciate it!! 💖💕💖💕💖

ANYWAYS as a jamil enthusiast i ask myself that question too 🤠;;

dont know what kinda hypnotizing magic he did on me but it worked bc i was incredibly neutral about jamil when i first saw him and now he lives in my head rent-free

okay in all seriousness i ended up rambling about jamil and why i like him personally and it ended up longer than intended so uh proceed with caution under the cut 🧍

(i had to look up the characters you mentioned,,, i know both of the anime but BARELY know the characters so idk how to compare other than they seem to be the benevolent hero/protagonist type???) (so on that note theyre actual opposites??? of jamil 😭)

okay so for me i personally just find jamil’s character really fascinating (and relatable???)

like his character arc drew me in i think, i legit do not recall 100% how i started liking him bc he was NOT my usual type either

i saw him before book 4 and went “okay” 🤷 and moved on 😭

my usual type is kalim actually (the sunshine type with a depressing reason for being all sunshine-y lmao) but. i did not vibe at first with how kalim looks so i didnt really get attached to him either 🤧 (im absolutely fine with him now tho 😭 ive learned to appreciate him more thanks to other kalim enjoyers)

(and tbf a lot of twst characters i didnt think i would like but here we are)

back to jamil. alright maybe it’s his looks. maybe bc he’s a pretty guy idk. but if that’s the case i wouldve been all over vil bc he’s the definition of beautiful gorgeous guy who doesnt fw with gender norms but im NOT. instead it’s JAMIL.

i think it doesn’t help that aladdin is one of my favorite disney movies too 😭 jafar has that two-faced, manipulative disposition with a side of dramatic, and insane and that’s. actually just jamil.

so maybe i guess what drew me in with jamil is that sense of theatrics, the dramatics ;;; that dichotomy of having that level-headed, intelligent front he puts up but then also having this unhinged, unfiltered side that he shows when he is free to be more himself

i’m a sucker for seemingly calm and collected characters on the outside and then their true self being WAY more different and expressive

(i think this would make more sense if you’ve seen aladdin and if you remember how jafar is like in the movie) (i am also choosing to ignore that ONE scene with jafar and jasmine towards the end iykyk) (and the twst characters shouldnt be considered one-to-one with their disney counterparts anyway but i digress)

also scalding sands event my beloved it might be what actually sold me on him bc things like his little sister reveal and his childhood stories wrecked me

(also also i’m obsessed with his canon dynamic with kalim but that’s another thing altogether)

or maybe it’s not that deep and that i just grew attached for no particular reason 🧍 (and that reasoning in of itself should be completely fine as well if that’s your case! just. like who you like, there really doesnt have to be a reason as long as you enjoy them)

uhhhh in conclusion,,, jamil’s a really complex character tbh i could say so much more about his relatability but i feel like im already exposing myself a lot LMAO and i dont think i can properly articulate with words anyway how deeper his character is beyond my surface level thoughts

[cielles-random-vault]

new year's hangover☆

lil drabble where you befriend ghost at the tf141 new year's party... what can possibly go wrong?

content: drunkness, socially anxious-ish reader, ghost being ghost, passing out and hickeys.

author's note: UHHH HAI IM BACK?!?!? icl im kinda hating myself because im posting a drabble instead of a full work.... am sorry.. mi bad mi bad... also im waiting for friday for new invincible content because the brainrot is REALLL

also pls pretend i posted this on new year's eve... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YALL BTWWWWW

shotout to @unabashedcroissanttreefan bc i want to make her bitter /hj, and to @michelleart8 ! <3

anyway enjoy and pls reblog

wc: 1836

"will you be coming at the new year's party tonight?" price asked as he noticed you filling some paperwork in the common room.

"i dont think so" you sigh, "im not that much of a social person, and i still have a lot of paperwork to fill in,let alone medical files."

"are you sure?" price asked, worried you might overwork yourself, but then an idea suddenly came to his mind. "i heard the lieutenant will be there as well, rumors have it you have a crush on him, so it'd be a good opportunity to actually talk to him, instead of just- avoiding him like you do."

the thought of captain price having noticed you had a crush on ghost sent a bright blush to your cheeks, but you waved those thoughts away.

"even if he was here, that doesn't mean i stand a chance with him" you reply, losing focus on your paperwork, now that the lieutenant was mentioned. "we barely talk anyway, and he seems to hate me so..."

"he seems to hate everyone" price chuckled, "dont take it personally. did the fact that he will be there change your mind?"

"i dont know" you sigh, but your little smile was betraying you. "it will depend on whether i have finished filling those files. at what time will it start?"

"around 7!" price replied with a subtle smile, feeling like he convinced you to come. "oh,and, you can come in a casual outfit, no need to pull up the formal uniform", he winked and left.

the few hours that separated you from the awaited party came, and all of a sudden a sudden peak of anxiety invaded you.

what if everyone made fun of your awful social skills? what if you didnt dress well enough?

your overthinking stopped as you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket; surprisingly enough, it was a text from price.

are you coming? ghost is here 👀

you chuckled as you put on a comfy sweater, and headed to the common room.

"you came!!" price greeted you, smiling brightly at you. "make yourself at ease, go get yourself something to drink, and who knows? maybe alcohol can help you make a move on our lovely lieutenant" he chuckled, before handing you a cup of alcohol.

"do you... want to get me drunk so i could get rid of my social anxiety?" you asked price, raising an eyebrow.

"maybe" he chuckled, already sounding drunk, "is it working?"

"not reall- ouch"

you blushed brightly as you noticed ghost was the one who stumbled into you.

"oi," he said, sounding slightly drunk as well, "im sorry. must've lost my balance, probably drank too much already. you're y/n, right?"

"y-yes," you nod, still not over the interaction, praying he didn't notice the bright blush on your cheeks, "why?"

"because..." he tries to articulate, and nearly fell on the floor, "ive been meaning to tell you... you're doing a great ass good job... dont let my mean words convince you otherwise, k?"

"oh-" you said, taken aback by this sudden demonstration of kindness, your heart melting. "thank you lieutenant..?"

the evening went on, until the cheerful "happy new year!!!" resonated in the walls of the tf141's buildings, everyone happy to finally greet the new year.

the party then came to an end, and so you decided to stay a little longer to help clean the room. once you got done, and got ready to head back to your quarters, you noticed an odd figure.

was ghost... asleep? he sure seemed to. he probably passed out due to all the alcohol he had drank, and you couldn't blame him.

that's how he somehow ended in your quarters - and if you were to be honest, carrying a man as massive as him was NOT an easy thing, but you somehow managed to. you tried your best to put him in a comfortable position on your couch, but bringing him here was already kind enough, wasn't it? so you just left him laying down on the floor, covering his massive frame with a blanket, and put a pillow under his head.

"this sure was a strange new year's day" you thought out loud, "happy new year lieutenant"

just in case something happened to ghost, you decided pull an all nighter (?), and you were right to, well at least, soft of.

in the middle of the night, ghost woke up, seemingly not over his hangover.

"i'll tell you what, y/n, ive always been in love with you." he mumbled, barely able to stand.

your heart dropped at this confession, but you had to stay lucid: he couldn't possibly mean it, it had to be the alcohol, right? that would make no sense if he was in love with you.

but you couldn't help to secretely wish what he was saying was true, after all you know the saying: drunk words are sober thoughts, and now you really hoped the saying was true there.

"lieutenant,you're drunk, you should go back to sle-"

he interrupted you by kissing you, first on the lips, and then moved on to your neck, leaving a little trail of hickeys here and there.

you gave in the kiss, you knew it was wrong, but it felt so good, but quickly waved those thoughts off: it was wrong in any way. he was your superior, and drunk, you couldn't abuse his drunken state like that.

but the feel of his lips on yours sure felt like heaven...

as if nothing happened, he smirked softly as he pulled out of the kiss, and resumed his peaceful slumber on your floor.

however, the next morning was nothing like that.

"looks like someone had fun last night" ghost grumbled as he noticed your many hickeys. "what the fuck am i doing here? and where even is here, and did you poison me? why is my head pounding?" he asked, back to his usual stern self, and you would actually be surprised if he didnt.

"youre in my quarters" you reply as you handed him a cup of anti hangover tea. "i brought you here because we were the only two remaining at the party, and you passed out. and hum... about the hickeys, how much do you remember from last night?" you ask as you look away, embarassed at the thought of last night's passionate kiss.

"i dont remember shit, why?" he asked, sounding more annoyed than mean.

"okay i..." (you sigh) "promise not to get mad at me if i tell you?" (he shakes his head, annoyed) "okay, so... you confessed yesterday." you blurt out, "but that is not all." (you gulp.) "we also kissed and... you gave me those hickeys."

"oh." he said blankly, and you could feel the blush in his voice, despite his mask.

"yeah.." you chuckled awkwardly, not daring to look at him, "but i have one question though. were you honest when you said you... 'always have been in love with me?"

your heartbeat quickened as you waited for his answer, but you had to know.

"would it be weird if i said yes..?" he asked, unable to look at your eyes, and your heart nearly missed a beat. "i mean, youre always doing what youre told to despite the fact that i treat you like shit and... i don't know, i guess that made me develop a kind of soft spot for you... do you happen to feel the same way..?" he asked, and you could feel the vulnerability in his voice.

"i- i think i do..?" you replied, both confused and relieved. "i mean, i always thought you hated me but.. this feels a bit rushed. can we do it again?"

"okay" he nodded, "how does 'hello, my name is simon riley, known as ghost, lieutenant from the task force 141, and i am in love with the wonderful y/n' sounds?" ghost chuckled with a soft smile, loving at you with loving eyes.

"much better" you reply with a soft smile, butterflies fluttering in your stomach, way better.

later on that day, when you and ghost headed to the briefing room hand in hand, price couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

"see? seems like alcohol can do wonders" he whispered, and it made you let out a small chuckle as well.

[idiotsonlyevent]

One day I'm going to write a fic about half foots and gender on the premise that chilchuck and his wife actually tried very hard to raise their daughters separate from the worst of half foot gender roles while still falling victim to those gender roles themselves, leading to the eventual collapse of their relationship wherein chilchuck is Emotionally Repressed but also due to being the family breadwinner has a fairly full life, which starts especially conflicting with chilwife once the kids are moved out because her life is now notably emptier and she's not really sure how to fill that space. But instead of directly stating this it ends up being articulated as like... extra fussing and worrying about chilchuck (because gender is a bitch and Proper Womanhood is frankly just a different mode of emotional repression), which he brushes off because like, he's fine? Both in the repressed way but also like. Genuinely he's doing pretty alright.

Which is why she leaves after meeting his coworkers. It's like that last straw of "my husband is out here having a Life and I have what? A house thats empty most of the time?" And from her perspective he's rebuffed her attempts to reach out, and she's played this role of wife and mother for so long now she doesn't actually know how to exist and communicate outside of it so she just... leaves.

Anyways. Sorry this is long I have a lot of thoughts on that gender flipped chilchuck image and the implications it has on gender roles for half foots. And also on the narrative framing of chilchuck admitting he doesn't know Why his wife left, implying that its the truth. And also that meijack is, as far as I have seen, the only female half foot not seen wearing a dress. And how we never see a female half foot in the dungeon.

(God fuck I'm still not done, I've gotta be clear that when I say chilchuck and his wife tried to raise the girls outside gender roles, that's not even in some like... chilchuck feminist moment way. It's in a "I think its narratively tasty if chilchuck and his older brother become the household breadwinners after their dad dies, and for chilchuck to not have thoughts about this until he has three daughters and suddenly he's realizing he doesn't want them to be dependent on their husbands or sons or uncles when he dies" kind of way)

YOU!!!!!!!!! YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!!!!! YES YES YES!!!!!!!!! this ask...

"[chilchuck's] fine? Both in the repressed way but also like. Genuinely he's doing pretty alright." THISSSSS!!! this is exactly why i've started/scaffolded multiple chilfics, but havent gotten around to actually writing/finishing them; because i think he has so many hangups abt how he's been infantilized and dehumanized and used.... and his wife left him without SAYING ANYTHING and WE KNOW he's torn up as Fuck about it!!!!! there's a very real chance he feels really isolated and lonely, especially because he feels like he can't talk about it, and i dont even think he realizes!

like, i wouldn't be surprised if part of why he hates being 'treated like a kid' is because he doesn't want people 'taking care of him' - maybe because its 'his job' as the 'head of household ('oldest' in the party, in a sense); maybe because his wife used to take care of him and she left him so was it too much? was he too much work? maybe he feels like he doesn't deserve it? i wouldn't be surprised if he drinks not just to loosen up, but because it makes it easier to 'not think about it.'

like i don't think he's 'actually ok' but it's pretty well-concealed under a veneer of competence and stability that i... have no idea how to write that? like, yeah there's the drinking and the pushing people away. but also i think he's the type to drop some shit like 'i don't believe in romance because i'm unlovable' out of nowhere after being provoked/pissed off, and everyone's like '!?!;??!! HUH?!' like it's infiltrated his thinking in ways that he thinks is normal.... he doesn't even realize that his one massive blind spot is himself!

sorry THIS got long 😭 you 🤝 me > forever thinking about how passively important(?) gender is in dungeon meshi.... how, even though its unstated, different cultural expectations and associations w gender and genedered traits affect all of the characters in different ways.... getting a phd in dunmeshi-verse gender studies, brb 🫡

[delululand]

who send that txt’s red and green flags? u r a godsent! id like to add something on red flags since we all know the members are waving green flags 🤭

sb - i think one of his red flags would be fickleness? idk if i would be able to explain it well but he mentioned before that he hates being adult because of responsibilities. based on that, i can see him expressing his feelings toward the other person but then suddenly backing out because he suddenly feels overwhelmed with the thought of responsibilities that comes with relationship. he likes the person but he might be indecisive on whether he is ready to commit or not. (Not saying this is really him but just a possibility based on what ive observed with those type of ppl)

yj - fixer. sometimes he might be too focused on fixing whatever he thinks need fixing on his partner and that can be really annoying. while his moon in libra and mars in sagittarius might help him be ‘chill’.. that leo and virgo combination is no joke.

bg -u’ve said it right. it is his pettiness that can be a red flag. also the lack of communication with manipulative tendencies! if he’s the wrong one, he will have no trouble apologizing. he’s nice that way. but if his partner is the wrong one? yea good luck. he’d disappear and will make sure to make them feel guilty for it until they’re on their knees— 😶

tyun - im inlove with him so much im willing to ignore 🚩.. kidding! look, i’ve seen his chart and a lot of his personal planets r making aspect to his sun which made me think that his ego (sun) plays a huge role in his life and will definitely be one of his red flag. rn we see tyun mature side right? but i feel like anything that will hit his ego so hard can make the vicious side of him come out. his aries mars makes him easily reactive to those things. when he’s triggered, the only way to calm him down is to leave him alone.

hyuka - low self-esteem. among the members, he’s the one with a really low self esteem (all of them have but his goes deeper) im not gonna explain much other than it’s not really pleasant with these type of ppl. u gotta be strong or else they’ll drag u down with them. he’s a leo.. a leo with a healthy self esteem r the best and i know that hyuka will eventually get there.

that’s all. i dont think im able to explain my thoughts well😭 but lemme know what u think?

+ anyways i truly miss reading ur posts! and saw that enhypen’s post too! i love it!! would it possible to request one for txt too? thank u 😄

- ur fellow intp 💙

OMGGGG I WANNA SAY SO MUCH

first i love your mind soooo much, second you’re so good in astrology

i absolutely agree with your opinion about soobin, this is one of the things that I thought about but couldn’t articulate it. in my opinion he is quite mature and he is the leader of the group which makes him mature even more, but it seems like that is enough for him? like, on the one hand, it’s not that he’s not mature for a relationship, but rather he’s just not ready to take responsibility yet. + he said that he is not the kind of person who would lead a relationship or plan something and therefore would just agree with everything that his girlfriend wants, but this is also literally an abdication of responsibility to some extent. so, in my opinion, he either doesn’t want to take on extra responsibility because he’s tired of responsibility at work, or he’s not ready for it due to his young age, or he’s just that kind of person (but actually i think it affects everything together and may change with age, like i don’t think that he will be a person who will become a super leader in a relationship, but at least he will be okay with the responsibility that comes with the appearance of a relationship)

yeonjun yes and beomgyu absolutely yes. if he has a fight with his partner and the partner says something offensive to him, they won’t get away with just an apology, and for some reason i think that if it really hurt him, he would remember it every time in all next fights. and also sometimes he likes to do something like checks? like that time when he blocked taehyun to see if he would come to wish him a happy birthday

taehyun yes too and + soobin said that taehyun often gets offended that he doesn’t share his feelings and this can also be in some ways a red flag for people who have difficulty sharing feelings or who just don’t like it

speaking of kai, i understood what you mean and this is really true, but it is in him that it manifests itself as not being so burdensome for other people? like i mean my work in korea was partly related to this area and i could see and sometimes communicate with different musicians/actors/dancers and other media personas and one of the most surprising things is when you look at them you think “wow this person is so cool, they are beautiful, they are smart, they are interesting personas, they have good singing/dancing/whatever skills” but when communicating with these people, most of them have very low self-esteem but they don’t seem to focus on it. i don’t know how to explain this more correctly, but it’s like the difference between people who due to low self-esteem really pull people around them to the bottom and people for whom it’s like something background that you might not even recognize right away. but idk whatever i hope kai can handle with this and it seems he has already changed for the better

and thank you so much for writing this!!! if you don’t mind i’ll leave a link to this in main post, people should see this too!

[adrian-sheppy]

Sorry if this is completely wrong igore if it is LMAO but I noticed you seem to have different hcs for how mind lost his eye!!! Like in Seattles Going Under it was lost in a vague fight or something, but in art w/ the resonance cascade he lost it prolly during the ambush? I was wondering if you had info to share on it/infodump abt or if its just whatever makes the art more fun!

hehe youre observant and actually right on the money. yup!  so essentially i just have different eye trauma head canons for whichever version of freemind im drawing; since he doesnt actually lose his eye in canon, its up to everyone to fil in the blanks if they wanna use the popular headcanon. i wrote .  a good chunk of stuff .  so i put it under the cut . but heres a picture to be like a . tldr

I sorta like his eye already being gone before the resonance cascade (in a non-freemanverse scenario). he does verbally say something like "my eyes" in the series, indicating he has two, BUT . well.  its a headcanon. so we can have fun with it . my eye loss pre-rescas freemind stems from my original freemind design (before i ever started posting half-life on the internet) where he had short hair, but i needed a way to distinguish him from og gordon, so I used thr popular one eye headcanon. then I realized him losing his eye bc of the military goes perfectly with martini losing an arm. that bothered me for a while until i realized i could just have multiple freemind designs + headcanons. if theres different variations of Gordon  and martini, why can't there be some of Freemind as well? grins grins

i left it open ended in my SGU because people have their own headcanons and I thought anyone could just fill in their own. if I did every make a canon eyeloss event prequel thing, he would've lost his eye during college in some sort of either freak accident (like tripping on something and injuring himself bad; I like this one because he'll lie and say he was in a fight) or, like u said, a fight . for SGU, college was a low point in his life of him struggling with freedom from his parents for the firsr time, but them and their ideals still holding him hostage. he is simultaneously more repressed and more emotionally volatile than present!gordon. then, when his parents die, hes just given a clusterfuck of emotions. so why dont we add physical trauma? whatever the sgu canon event eye loss was, it was definitely related to substance abuse issues. whether that be he was high/drunk and got into an accident, or fought someone... not sure! yet. the only thing that i can say was that no fire or chemicals were involved, since his tearduct is (unfortunately for him) wholly in tact!

but for freemanverse!freemind, he should lose his eye during the rescas since its like thematic and stuff if (almost) every Gordon Loses Something. also, angst. whenever I draw freemanverse (even in a domestic setting) in my head, i always think of them surviving the rescas together! i have. convoluted freemanverse headcanons. the eye loss is an important freemanverae event because, like martini, it gives him a valid reason to REALLY dislike benrey (but in my au, benrey isnt the big bad, so he "redeems" himself kinda sorta) . and then it ALSO opens up freemind to be upset and vulnerable, which allows him to bond with his fellow freemen.

...

also I want barmey to tend to his wounds and call his scar(s) badass. im not immune to buttermind and i never was.

honorable mention: sims freemind, who has both eyes physically but only can see from one. this is due to me unable to properly texture a glasses + eyepatch combo, that and i have no experience with 3d modelling (I did try!).

i hope this is a satisfying enough infodump!! I'm sorry if it's a bit vague; a lot of my ideas tend to be fluid. i also like taking inspiration from what other people think! some of you guys are way super smart and have awesome ideas. i am not immune to well articulated essays and thought out headcanons

[grimrester]

purely speculative stuff about watcher's business behind the cut

cr1tikal/penguinz0 talked in his video about the watcher announcement about how he has staff and he doesn't believe they weren't pulling in enough to pay them, but i also don't know how much charlie knows about watcher's setup and team.

charlie's esports team has high salaries that he pays, sure. but watcher has many people with some pretty high-salary titles, and they're friends or family of the ryan/shane/steven. it is really hard to negotiate a low starting salary in that position.

on top of that, they operate in LA, pay for a pretty big set, and do generally more expensive content than charlie. charlie streams from his room and half of watcher content requires travel. it's entirely conceivable to me that their business expenses are really high for a youtube channel.

they also recently hired two more folks for some of steven's content.

the vimeo OTT platform is extraordinarily quick to set up. you can get started with their base package without even doing a demo. given that they dont have the app included in the bigger enterprise option, i'd guess they went this route. they first started teasing the announcement only FIVE days ago, which is a pretty short runway compared to other content creator announcements. (try guys is currently teasing something about a month away, by comparison.)

from the start, none of this has felt well thought out. even though they said they articulated their reasoning poorly in the announcement, the core message of the announcement and the apology is the same: "we can't afford to continue operating as we have, and don't want to scale back."

i think they just recently did some number crunching and realized they were in deep shit. as i've speculated in other posts, they didn't do market research and were way too optimistic about their conversion rate. they were also relying on their initial pitch of taking everything off youtube to push people on the platform. i do think they are genuinely scrambling.

the part of this that they're going to have to work on for the next few months to a year, though, is that they should have known their business was unsustainable WAY before now. this reeks of no one paying attention to the books. it should not have come to scrambling for a new way to bring in a lot of revenue, fast. this is the kind of thing you don't usually see until a company is about to release a death rattle. it's the same last-ditch move as collegehumor going under and dropout going fully paid as the only way to survive.

except dropout wasn't responsible for collegehumor's mismanagement, and they also told people they were going to die otherwise.

[snobgoblin]

ok I've been sitting on this theory for a while because of a few factors, and also I was afraid that the whole fandom has this unspoken rule that you're not supposed to spoil this thing but Thun said it should be fine if I include a warning. SO CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED. massive Arcana spoilers ahead. if I'm right. which I'm not gonna make you think I'm right but *I* very much do think I'm right and this was fun to come up with

I'm gonna apologize in advance, I really wish I could articulate this better but it's ultimately just gonna sound like the ramblings of a madman because I've been so in my own head, so please forgive me 😭

anyway. the takeaway: Lucio was never The Devil. he is The Fool. the PLAYER was actually The Devil all along. and the reason Scout still exists despite the player having the body of The Fool is because... that body is Lucios.

now this is the part where I show you some evidence out of order

⭐️evidence for Lucio being The Fool:

first of all he doesn't even share that many traits of The Devil. not any more than the demons anyway- obsession? well, the demons are all obsessed with something, that's kind of their whole thing, and we know they have different associated patrons. material wealth? well, Nadia is wealthy and she's not associated with The Devil. not to mention Lucio wasn't even always wealthy, he grew up in the mountains. you know what Lucio does embody though? recklessness. adventure. inexperience. traits of The Fool

another evidence is like, the whole ritual. I only mapped out those seats we know FOR SURE are occupied and by who (but it's easy to assume that they are seated in numerical order based on this. I left out the speculation for the sake of clarity here and besides the ritual is a theory for another day) ANYWAY. anyway. wouldn't you know it but the sectioning on the table corresponds with the phases of The Fool's Journey (we know for sure that The Devil is sitting at the head of the table, with Morga taking up the other head. to the Devil's side are the Apprentice and Volta, and so on) (I know there's a whole bunch of people not present at the table but again a theory for another day)

AND THATS KIND OF WHAT STARTED THIS THEORY IN THE FIRST PLACE, why isn't Lucio in The Devil's seat. he's in The Fool's seat! he says he was right next to Asra which is where the player would have been sitting and we know the Devil was THERE during the first ritual because he was overseeing it and people bargained with him. he wouldn't be able to sit anywhere but the Devil's seat. Lucio was sitting in The Fool's seat

also, just, some design aspects, such as the colors of the eyes and everything and also, in one if the concept art, Lucio is almost wearing a tunic (like the Rider-Waite card) and also has a feather in his hat that PERFECTLY matches the one on that card (I don't know if I'm allowed to show you that or I would)

this point is a little looser because this isn't something exclusive to Lucio, but people call him a fool a lot. specifically in Dawn of the Grub he says this

also this one's a little bit of a reach but the way the Fool card doesn't have an animal on it and Lucio, when he was a kid, struggled with his identity in relation to animals, like he didn't wanna be associated with beetles but he didn't know what else he was

also I think Asra says that basically Lucio just thought The Devil looked cool and that's why he latched onto him. it's really not much deeper than that. Lucio only THINKS he's tied to the Devil. but Lucio isn't to be trusted especially when it comes to magic. hell, when he visits the Devil's realm his first thought is "I'll have to remember these decorations for the palace" he just has a fascination with The Devil. which is actually part of The Fool's journey

AND I THINK. MOST IMPORTANTLY. Lucios association with dogs. i dont think its a coincidence that hes so aggressively a dog person and I believe that Mercedes and Melchior are representative of the two different interpretations of The Fool's Dog (some guiding, some hurting) because Mercedes is definitely more violent (bit off Melchiors ear) and I won't bother explaining their personalities you probably already know. also Lucios masquerade mask is a dog and also in one ask Nadia compares him to a yapping purse dog

not to mention, Lucios favorite flower is a white rose which is present on the rider-waite card and he also has this thing where he wants to be a hero, which is something the Fool represents (main characters/heroes)

also the devs stated Lucios favorite pokemon is Houndoom. how interesting, a dog with horns... surely that couldn't be symbolic 😉

also this interaction just in general

and like in my first playthrough of Lucios route I kinda just assumed "Lucio switched patron Arcana because the Apprentice used blood magic on him" when people referred to Lucio as The Fool at the end but that doesn't make sense in hindsight, I don't think it's that he switched at all it's just, that's always who he was

⭐️ evidence for the Apprentice being The Devil:

first of all, their power. the power to break chains, the power to break binds. it's said that this is a power unique to them, but why would they have the power to break the Devil's chains if they were not associated with The Devil? that card can mean "escaping entrapment" and the entrapment is sometimes represented by chains. it makes sense that, being The Devil's beneficiary, they would share his power. like Nadias intuition

also, The Devil almost STATES that you have a connection to him

also, this one's more silly but Natiqa says this.........

also, I don't have a screenshot but I remember the Devil might have said something during the ritual like "you're all in your proper seats... and MC, well, I suppose one Fool is as good as any other" <- implying that they are not a good fit and are only there because of their fools body

⭐️ evidence for the body of The Fool being Lucios

ok so Scout is The Fool yeah? that much is obvious I think. even in the concept art book, Scout is pictured next to that card. so then... how does the Apprentice have that body

Muriel says that the ritual was Asras idea

I believe that what happened was Asra wanted to use the ritual to force Lucio out of his body so he could revive the player with it

and I think that Lucio wasn't even murdered, he was just separated from his body, and that the ashes in the bed are not his remains. he did not "die" in bed, he "died" in the ritual room. why would there be ashes there? well, the courtiers are trying to frame Julian, of course they'd plant evidence. and Voltas footprints are in the ashes... it was all a set up

there's also that whole thing of Lucio calling the player a body stealing thief, and the fact that the player had to relearn to walk when they obtained this body but Lucio seems to function with it just fine. because it's his! he's used to it

-----------------

GOD I *know* I had so many more points to make but I think that's plenty. I'll add on in a rb if I think of any more but it's really hard to remember... I hope that makes sense enough because at this point this theory has seeped into the very bones of this game for me and I see evidence of all of this every time I play it. it's so fun to look for BSBFNDBDB and I really just have. a ridiculous amount of analysis based on this but that's for another time BDBFBDND does this make sense? God I hope it does

ALSO ALSO PS please understand this doesn't like, say anything about their morality or anything to me. this doesn't automatically mean "Lucio is good and the Apprentice is bad" I think they're both nuanced, just like the cards