#i have a lot of muse today! :D

[stillresolved]

ferre makes aesthetics ( 1 / ??? ): kang rian gaya

heiress (n.) one. a woman inheriting and continuing the legacy of a predecessor. two. a woman who is legally entitled to the property or rank of another on that person's death.

( photos do not belong to me. credit for oc goes to @geaesaekki​! )

[soularsss]

Drawing Likeness: with Tem!

okaay since a few people actually showed interest in me sharing a bit of what I've been doing to figure out how to really capture likeness, specifically Temuera Morrison, I figured id do my best to write it out

I am also going to entice you with some of my recent clone art! (oooh some of it is unreleaaasedd)

I am putting the whole thing under the cut because I have a feeling its going to be long:

Read more!!!

a couple disclaimers before we start

-This is not some definite post about how everyone should be drawing clones, nor is it in any way claiming that this is the right way. This is just my musings as I stare at a mans face for way too long and try to replicate it

-I am inexperienced. As kind as you all are to me, drawing real people is relatively new to me, capturing a persons identity through their features is difficult for anybody, and I am no different. I have watched many a video on likeness and had my share of classes, but If im being honest, i rarely put it into practice successfully. So there'll probably be errors in this post or things i will come back to in a few months and wish I had said/done differently

ANYWAYs you guys get my vibe im just here to ramble and today we are rambling about mr copy paste. I am doing this for Law, my clone boy, because I plan on delving further into oc fanart and I want to put effort into representing him correctly!

SO LETS BEGIN

Before even deciding what specific pose of a person I want to draw, I tend to grab a bunch of references and compile them like so

(all of these can be found on my pinterest)

Why so many? Well, we are about to delve into facial features, so when we are dealing with photos we have to take into account that there are an abundance of circumstances that will influence how a persons face will appear, some of these include:

focal length: All of these are taken on different devices, and focal length can play a big part in distorting faces

age will play a part, your face changes a bunch throughout your life!

lighting, while not as major, can muddy the waters and make it difficult to interpret facial planes and features

SO, to make sure we get a proper grasp of what's really going on, I like to make sure we have lots of options to compare and contrast with.

Next up! What I like to do is block out the main facial features with colour on different layers, the features I block out usually are the general face shape, eyebrows, eyes, nose and lips. But what you are looking for is the defining features of a person, so that could include other things! Maybe a scar, or some particularly prominent cheekbones.

I dont have any rhyme or reason when it comes to picking my colours, all that matters is you can see all the shapes clearly.

Now I may be biased, because Ive been staring at these for 4 hours, but notice how it still looks like Tem? :D

Anyways, now we can break these parts down, and you'll see what I mean about compare and contrast:

We'll start with isolating the facial shape, putting all these next to eachother you'll notice they arent exactly the same (partly because of my shoddy work) But the distinguishing features run through each shape! Namely the very soft rectangular shape I sketched out in the bottom right there. Along with his soft, wide jaw structure.

I did the same for the rest of his features!

You'll notice I highlight the prominent shapes and ratios,

When drawing anything, it is important to start from the very base shapes and build up.

When drawing something you want to look like someone, those shapes relative to other shapes is what makes it look like them.

I didnt use the same technique with his eyes and lips, but I wrote out some helpful info for them! More importantly for his eyes.

When drawing eyes, I find the most important part is where exactly I draw the creases, (along with the overall shape of the eye itself) it is important to understand where those will present themselves with hooded eyes.

NOW, with an understanding of his facial features in place, lets take a detour to colours:

before I start, a couple things to note:

-Temuera morrison versus the clone troopers in the animated shows:

While I love the animated shows they don't exactly stay close to their source material. Im going to link here to an excellent post discussing whitewashing specifically in relation to the clones.

Temuera is Māori, of Te Arawa (Ngāti Whakaue) and Tainui (Ngāti Maniapoto, Ngāti Rarua) whakapapa, and also has Scottish and Irish ancestry.

The Māori people are the indigenous Polynesian people of mainland New Zealand (Aotearoa). Māori originated with settlers from East Polynesia. Māori people often vary in skin tone, Skin colour doesn't determine ethnicity. There's often a correlation but it's not a requirement.

But that is a tangent! What we are aiming for is to stay true to Temuera.

Bringing back my reference photos from before, Ive colour picked a buncha values and theyre all over the place. Why doesnt this work?

Similarly to earlier, you have to take into account the photos themselves. Many things like lighting, colour grading (when it comes to filmography) and makeup, can alter how a skin colour presents in photo.

You can attempt to get true to life by swatching from certain places on the face. Here I've tried to pick some photos with good lighting, and I've also tried to avoid overly lit/shaded areas.

Tem has a very warm, tan skin tone, Instead of colour picking I tend to try and replicate it myself, but I do often bring in references to make sure Im staying true to the source!

a brief intermission to talk about colour theory, something I myself struggle with alot. Often, when putting in flat colours without a background, I will forget to make sure the colours i intend to use will work with the skin tone i have picked! (something that is apparent in older works of mine, not just in relation to clones, but in general, the colours I end up with stray largely from their original sources and it is something I am doing my best to keep in mind and improve in! Although I don't think i am nearly experienced enough in the topic to say I have succeeded yet lol.)

anyways back to Tem :))

Now we can put all of that into practice! Things to keep in mind when drawing out a piece next to a reference like this:

the distance between the eyebrows? how far down his face does his nose go? Basically just, in relation to eachother, where do all those shapes we found earlier, sit?

The screenshot above is from before I did it myself, but instead of directly tracing from the reference, a handy trick I use it to complete your sketch first, and then overlay a traced version to see where your inconsistencies are! Alternatively, you could move your sketch over the image, but I didnt do it that way so!! uh!! im sure it works exactly the same!!!!

When it comes to a final illustration, or any sketch that isnt a direct study, of course you can push and pull and stylise! You'll see below that I'm not exactly 1:1 to my reference photo either.

The important thing with stylisation, or at least my own personal understanding of stylisation is that you need to thoroughly understand the thing you are stylizing! "You need to know the rules to break them" and all that. While shapes, lines and rendering can change, when it comes to drawing someone, and making it look like them, you have to make sure to keep their core features true to source. Caricature can capture a persons vibe whilst drastically exaggerating features, but it will only look like them if you KEEP THOSE FEATURES!!!! SHAPES!!! AHHH!!

But that is just my perspective on the discussion of style versus realism, please dont take is as Law, I dont know what Im on about half the time!!

anyways, after fixing your sketch, add local colours!

I rexified him because why tf not! But this is where you can go crazy with that clone personalization!

And then here is a very very barely rendered version (if you guys want me to explain how i RENDER that would need to be a completely different post, and I havent had anyone ask about it yet so who knows! maybe one day) But I digress, hopefully you learnt something new through my ramblings! It has certainly helped me organize my thoughts and I have also found some areas I would like to focus more on in the future to improve my own art!

TLDR: In order to understand an object, be it a face or a building or literally anything, you have to break it down to its simplest forms, understanding LARGER shapes will help you immensely in the long run

If you guys like this sorta content do let me know! I'd be down to do similar things for armor/anything really, I am very anti gatekeep so really anything at all you want to know! Send me an ask :))

also if you see a spelling mistake.. i don’t know how that got there

[faebaex]

Tangled in Wonderland - Tall, Tall Tales

author note: Eeeeek this is very, very late! A lot of stuff has happened and yada yada but I’m here and I’m sorry! I’m still going to continue with this and I hope I can get back on track with writing this because I’m really enjoying this event! This instalment follows on directly from the Scarabia one, I hope you all enjoy!

characters: Floyd Leech x GN!Reader

“SHRIMPY!”

Oh no.

Your whole body froze up in an instant at the sound of that familiar, unhinged voice. Clearly, fate had decided you hadn’t gone through enough punishment today and decided to add a little bit more spice to your day. And by spice, it meant perhaps one of the most chaotic entities you have ever met. You looked around wildly, trying to spot him as quickly as you could so you could run. He was right on the path leading up to the Hall of Mirrors, roguish grin on his face as he waved both his arms at you. Your only choice was to go back inside and escape through one of the mirrors.

“Stay away from me, Leech!” You snapped, not even bothering with your usual faux attempt to be cordial as you turned on your heel, bolting towards the mirrors. If you could just get through the Heartlabyul mirror, you’d be—

“Aha~! Got you.” Breathed a husky voice right by your ear, suddenly tugged straight off your feet and into the air by the lanky arms that coiled around your midsection, your back flush against his chest.

“Shrimpy is so mean, callin’ me by just my last name! Even when I’ve gone through all the effort to give you a lil nickname too!” Floyd mourned, swinging you around the Hall of Mirrors, your legs swinging perilously out in front of you whilst you clutched onto his arms for dear life and let out a small, undignified scream. “Aah, maybe you thought I was Jade? Because I was really far away? Then maybe I can forgive you, Shrimpy…” His sharp teeth were uncomfortable close to your ear as he let out a little laugh, “or maybe I can just keep spinnin’ you around!”

Floyd picked up the speed of his spinning, his manic laughter drowning out your screams and for a moment, you thought this might be how it all ended… But then you remembered, the Leech twins thrive off of fear in their victims, so you sucked it up and started hitting him on his arms to get his attention. If your legs ended up breaking one of the mirrors, you’d never hear the end of it from Crowley…

“P-put me down, Floyd! I am not a toy!” You cried out, and thankfully your repeated hitting of his arms managed to get his attention, for he finally slowed to a stop. The world spun around you, making you semi-grateful for his arms around your waist. They were the only thing holding you up, at this point.

“Eh? Are you sure you’re not a toy? Azul said somethin’ real interesting the other day…”

Uh oh.

“Did he now…” You remarked, feigning disinterest as best as you could as your vision finally began to right itself again.

“Mhmmm~” Floyd mused against your ear, and you just knew this couldn’t be good, “he said you know things. Things that you should have no way of knowing. Kinda like one of those magic 8 ball things.” Floyd continued, before his mouth split into a broad, terrifying grin. “Maybe if I shake you a little, you’ll tell me all sorts of things too.”

“Floyd, don’t—”

It was too late. You clung to Floyd’s arms as he began to shake you erratically, like you were a chocolate bar stuck in a vending machine. Your head collided with his shoulder multiple times, not hard enough to hurt but definitely jarring in its own way as the world once again became dizzying. Floyd seemed to be enjoying himself, his mocking laughter filling the small hall as he watched your rattled expression.

“Oh magic Shrimpy ball, oh magic Shrimpy ball,” he chanted as he continued to shake you, finally beginning to slow down as he leaned in to whisper in your ear, “why did you walk out of the Scarabia mirror just a moment ago?”

Ah, of course he saw that.

With as much strength as you could muster in your dizzy state, you threw an elbow back into his chest, feeling some satisfaction when you heard him let out a small ‘oof’. “That’s none of your business,” you grumbled, your lips turned downwards in distaste. “and that isn’t even how a magic 8 ball works! You’re supposed to ask the question first and then shake it… Don’t start shaking me again!” You quickly warned as a follow up, turning your head to give Floyd a glare. He just gave you that little frustrating grin right back.

“It’s not my fault Shrimpy, I have all this pent-up energy ‘cause you’ve been avoiding me. I’ve missed you.” As if to punctuate his words, he started to squeeze you, and you found yourself once again whacking his arms to get him to release you.

“Floyd! There is no need—” You gasped out, feeling some of your joints cracking harmlessly from the pressure but a tightness building near your ribs that promised pain if he didn’t stop soon. You gasped out a breath when he finally eased up his hold, but very nearly choked when you realised he was waltzing right towards the Octavinelle mirror.

“Floyd, put me down!”

“Nah, Shrimpy, don’t feel like it. Let’s hang out!” Floyd responded in his usual lackadaisical manner, stepping through the Octavinelle dormitory mirror without pause. It was odd, feeling the usually surreal feeling of a bubble forming around you as you floated towards the dorm, but on top of that, Floyd was still holding you, back flush against his chest with your legs dangling in front of you. You can’t imagine how ridiculous it looked.

Floyd walked you straight into the Mostro Lounge without a care in the world, heading straight for one of the unoccupied booths.

“Oya,” you heard another terribly familiar voice as you passed the bar, “I see you have acquired a valuable customer, Floyd. Please enjoy your stay.” Jade hummed with a short bow, not even bothering to hide his toothy grin as he observed your plight. You didn’t even get a chance to scowl before Floyd was bundling you into a booth, none too gently either.

“What? You told me to put you down.” Floyd drawled when you shot him a glare, sitting opposite you and spreading himself out on the available space. He leaned his elbows onto the table, propping his head up with one palm as he stared straight at you.

“Ne, Shrimpy… Why don’t you tell me what you said to Azul the other week to make him come back all shaken up?” Floyd hummed, his smile seeming playful, but you could already see the predatory glint in his eye.

You narrowed your eyes slightly, unsure of what Floyd’s motive was here.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You responded demurely, keeping tight lipped. Floyd’s smile widened, sharp teeth on full display as he leaned forward. “Don’t be like that, Shrimpy! You should have seen it, it was hilarious!” Floyd cackled thumping his hand on the table in front of them, “he came rushin’ back to the Lounge, all pale faced and jumpy, and then locked himself in the VIP room.”

A cocktail glass filled with a blue liquid and decorated with a star shaped garnish was elegantly placed in front of you. A similar glass was placed in front of Floyd. “Yes, Azul was very startled when he returned to the Lounge the other week. We were very worried.” Jade confirmed, folding his hands in front of him, faux concern colouring his tone, but the amusement shone through his close eyed smile.

“I didn’t order this.” You responded dryly, as Floyd already pulled his straw to his mouth and took a gulp from his drink. “Aww just try it Shrimpy, it’s my own recipe! It’s good, see!” He stuck his tongue out, revealing his stained bright blue tongue. You pushed your glass away from you. Yeah, you definitely weren’t going to be trying that.

“I’m positively hurt, prefect. I mixed that with care, just for you.” Jade hummed, his eyebrows down turning in a look of fake hurt. You ignored him.

“We could hear Azul muttering to himself in the VIP room. ‘Who are they’, ‘how do they know that’. He got so mad when we used Jade’s key to unlock the door. You should have seen his face, Ahaa~”

“You spied on your own friend? You guys are ruthless.” You commented casually, and Floyd only grinned at you wider, Jade’s expression not changing from his solemn one.

“The VIP room was quite the mess, too. Papers all over the floor. Azul wouldn’t even let me help him clean it all up, it must have taken him hours.” Jade added, his smile looking more and more devious by the minute.

“So tell us what you did, Shrimpy.” Floyd prodded.

“Yes tell us, prefect.” Jade coaxed.

Both of the Leech twins stared you down, razor sharp smiles on their faces as they attempted to intimidate you into revealing what happened between you and Azul in the library that day. You were starting to see now why Azul insisted on referring to them as just colleagues.

You were in a bit of a bind here. You expected the stunt you pulled on Azul to have some backlash, and you really didn’t want to make the Leech twins anymore interested in you than they already were. And for whatever reason, Azul hadn’t divulged what you had said to him to Jade and Floyd, who were his closest confidants. Or, this was some sort of elaborate ruse that they had strategized to wheedle the information out of you. Either way, you thought you should probably tread with caution here…

… But Azul had been bothering you again lately…

You leaned back into your seat, looking sheepishly away from them both and staring at the smooth pearlescent surface of the table. “I don’t know guys, it’s kind of… Embarrassing…” You muttered. You caught Jade and Floyd sharing a look between each other before they leaned in closer, like sharks tasting blood.

“Ne, it’s okay, you can tell us, Shrimpy…”

“It might make you feel better to get it off your chest, prefect…”

Hook, line and sinker.

You glanced up at them, the both of them leaning in uncomfortably close but you masked your distaste by rubbing your arm, as if you were feeling flustered by just thinking about the situation. “Well, um…” You began, pausing for dramatic effect, Floyd leaning in closer in anticipation and Jade nodding gently, as if the comfort you for the difficult story you were about to tell.

“Azul had been visiting me in the library after classes for a few days… We were getting along really well… It was, well… It was nice to have a friend. It’s hard sometimes, being the odd one out…” You sighed softly, really hamming it up for them. They were eating it up, leaning closer as you continued, “but Azul never made me feel like that. He was always so kind, so welcoming.” You smiled for a moment, before you face dropped and your lips pressed together into a tight line. “But then…” You hesitated again, your expression creasing into a distressed frown.

“Did something happen, prefect?”

“Yeah, yeah! Tell us Shrimpy!”

“Well… One day suddenly, he… Asked me on a date… But…” You started, but then you covered your face with your hands and shook your head, “oh I can’t say it, it’s just so… So humiliating!” You cried out, your voice muffled by your hands. Floyd and Jade were watching with rapt attention, Jade not even able to hide his obvious enjoyment at both your perceived distress and the opportunity to get some dirt on Azul, whereas Floyd hadn’t been hiding his excitement in the first place.

“But what, Shrimpy?”

“Please prefect, if you tell us, perhaps we can put your mind at ease…”

Slowly, you uncovered your hands from your face, to see the eager faces of the Leech twins nodding at you encouragingly. You leaned in close, and they followed suit, all three of you huddled together in the booth almost conspiratorially. You looked around nervously, before you continued in a hushed whisper.

“I had to turn him down… He got a little upset, understandably. He couldn’t see why I didn’t like him, why I wouldn’t give him a chance…” Floyd and Jade shared a discreet look at that, because that definitely sounded like the Azul they knew. “I tried to comfort him, to tell him that I thought he was a great guy and it was me not him but he just wouldn’t listen! So I had to tell him the truth…” You winced, wringing your hands together. If Floyd and Jade leaned any closer, you’d all be bumping heads together.

“The truth, prefect?”

“Ne, you can tell us, Shrimpy…”

You swallowed, before looking up at them with your best puppy dog eyes. “Okay, please don’t say anything but… … …”

“… I’m allergic to octopus…”

The table fell silent. Floyd and Jade stared at you, motionless, as you peeked up bashfully at them. Then suddenly, Floyd was roaring with laughter, his loud cackle making several of the customers in the Lounge jump in surprise. His hand thumped the table several times, knocking over his drink and sending the bright blue juice spilling all over the shiny white surface and onto the tile below. Jade effortlessly sidestepped before the mess could hit his shoes, but his shoulders were visibly shaking as his hand tried to hide his laughter

“Oh prefect… I’m so pffft… Ahem… I’m so sorry to hear that.” Jade attempted, hand still propped to his chin as he tried to compose himself, rather unsuccessfully screamed with laughter beside him.

“What is going on here?!”

A voice hissed through the Lounge, but the twins didn’t even flinch. If anything, it just sent Floyd into fresh peals of laughter, flopping down on the booth seat as he held his stomach.

Azul stood a few feet away, obviously brought out by the commotion and chaos that was currently happening in your booth. His eyes widened when he saw you sitting there, but he quickly schooled his face again, a detail that Jade caught, making him unable to resist his own toothy grin.

“Jade, you are supposed to be managing the bar. And Floyd, stop that racket right now and get changed. Your shift started thirty minutes ago! And clean up that mess!” Azul ordered with a stern expression, before his eyes landed on you, his lips pursing together, “and I would appreciate it if you didn’t disturb them when they are working, prefect.”

You held your hands up defensively as you started to shimmy out of the booth. “Actually, I was just leaving.”

Your words breathed some life back into Floyd, who’d finally recovered from his laughing fit to sit up and climb out of the booth himself, a rapturous smile on his face. “I’ll walk Shrimpy to the door~!” He announced, throwing a heavy arm around your shoulders before you could rebuff him.

“Floyd! You’re supposed to be—”

“I’m terribly sorry for my negligence, Azul. I was just trying to comfort our dear customer over their recent romantic distress.” Jade chimed in, and the only way you would be able to describe the grin on his face was feral. Floyd began cackling again, using Jade’s distraction of Azul as an opportunity to whisk you away and get out of work at the same time.

You pondered whether you should feel bad for setting up Azul for at least a week’s worth of ribbing from the Leech twins as Floyd steered you towards the Octavinelle mirror, but then you remembered he put an anemone on your cat. And Ace and Deuce. Suddenly, your shoulders felt a lot lighter. Well, they would, if Floyd’s lanky arm wasn’t still around them.

Floyd kept his arm around you right until you reached the exit of the Octavinelle dorm, but you chalked it up to him being on a good mood high because of what you’d just told him and Jade. But just as you were about to duck out from under his arm, you felt his hot breath against your ear for the second time that day.

“Ne, Shrimpy. Are you allergic to eel too?”

Before you could even react, you were getting sucked up into one of those magical bubbles again as it began carrying you towards the Octavinelle mirror, your expression bewildered as you stared back at Floyd, who sent you off with a cheeky grin.

[giggly-squiggily]

Hoodie (My Hero Academia)

Heyo! Bringing back some NOSTALGIA! :D So this was actually a fic I submitted to @otomiyaa's old blog waaaaay back when I was still a baby fic writer. The submission has been lost, but I figured why not blow off the dust, give it a fresh coat of formatting and editing and bring it here! :D I don't know if you're still a DabiHawks shipper Ginny, but I hope this brings some good nostalgia to you :3 Keep being amazing, friend!

Cloud 9 (Taglist Peeps):

@myreygn @thatbigbisexual29 @duckymcdoorknob @wolfyeatstacos @baby-tickles2022 @cupcake-spice13 @nutzgunray-lvt @sarahmaystock5578 @rachi-roo @mochi-giggles @chibisstuff @imjusthere07 @sevenincubistolemyheart @sp1racle

CW: Swearing- It's Dabi after all

Summary: Dabi likes to steal Hawk's clothes-even if they feel "weird" with all the feathers stuck within. Hawks decides to explore what that really means.

With Dabi, Hawks could never predict what was coming. And he loved it.

The villain had a way to him that drew at Hawks. It was endearing and baffling and all and all an addiction Hawks didn’t want to kick.

Sometimes the Villain would break into his home while Hawks was on patrol. When the Pro-hero checked his security alert, he would be given the sight of Dabi lounging about in his apartment, drowning in the birdman’s hoodie and eating his hot Cheetos.

Other times Dabi would tell Hawks to meet him in the most obscure locations, ones that required lots of twists and turns and always leaving the Pro hero exhausted by the time he got there. The information he received wasn’t always worth it, but the scarred yet gentle kisses Dabi gave him were.

Today was no different. Dabi had made himself at home in Hawks' apartment when the Prohero got there, once again wearing his hoodie as he stretched out along his couch. No snacks this time. Dabi’s jacket was folded behind his head in a makeshift pillow, and his boots were kicked off, placed neatly by the front door.

Hawks bit down a laugh as he closed the door, taking his time removing his jacket and boots before walking over. A sight like this must be savored. “Seems like you’re quite attached to that hoodie, huh?”

Dabi cracked open an unfairly blue eye, looking up at Hawks through tuffs of black hair. “Hmmm...” He drawled, stretching his arms lazily over his head and leaving them there, hoodie riding up and revealing a line of silver skin. “It’s warm. ‘S not like you wear it, anyway.”

“That’s because you're always stealing it.” Hawks replied with a smirk, making his way over to the cozy villain and climbing on top of him. A few adjustments later he was  bracing his arms on either side of Dabi’s head. “Not that I’m complaining, though. You look good in my clothes.”

Dabi rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t hide the twitch of his lips at Hawks' words. “Whatever. It’s too big, and it's always full of feathers.” Dabi reached a hand out, running his fingers through the soft red wings that encased him. The gesture earned Hawks’ hum of approval. “I have to pluck them off before I can wear it.”

“Do they bother you?” Hawks asked, eyes curious as he reached up, capturing Dabi’s hand, rubbing his thumb along the scarred knuckles. They were old, no longer raw and painful. He wanted to kiss them again and again, even if Dabi couldn’t feel it.

“Not really. They just feel weird.” Dabi mused, smoothing out the miscue feathers with gentle fingers. “Pretty bird...” he murmured, making Hawks blush.

 The Prohero watched him curiously, hung up on Dabi’s earlier comment. “Feels weird, huh?” He let his free hand fall to Dabi’s hip, sneakily pushing the oversized cloth up with his hand.

“Yeah. They’re too- niieh!” Dabi flinched with a yelp when he felt something soft brush his skin. He glared down at the lone wing close to his exposed waist, then at the smirking hero above him. “Just what do you think your do-ah!” He flinched again when the wing brushed his side, aiming for untouched skin. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks, and he glared fiercely, trying to ignore the growing blush filling his face. “Don’t you fucking dare!”

Hawks grinned, eyes alight like a child just discovering Christmas for the first time. “Weird, huh?” He asked again, quickly reaching up and trapping Dabi’s hand within his own.. “You’re ticklish?”

The villain didn’t respond, opting to glare instead. Hawks flexed his wings.

“Hawks, I swear to god, if you tickle me-“ Dabi didn’t get to finish his threat, clamping his mouth shut and squirming about as Hawk’s feathery appendage traced his skin, the tickly touch leaving trails of goosebumps along the pale skin.

“Hm? What was that?” Hawks teased, his smile growing as Dabi squirmed and quivered beneath him, cheeks flushed a soft pink and jaw set in an attempt to keep the embarrassing noises at bay. “Aww! What a cutie! Trying so hard to hide it-come on, let me see that smile!” Hawks teased, finally slipping a hand under Dabi’s hoodie and gently clawed at the sensitive skin.

“GAH! Ahehehehhahahahaha! F-Fuahhahahaha! Stahahap! Dahahahamn y-yohoohhhohou!” The dam broke. Dabi threw his head back and cackled, eyes squeezing shut with mirth as Hawks tickled him mercilessly. He thrashed and squirmed, kicking his feet against the couch cushions as he tried to wriggle free. “Freahhahahaking wiihihings!”

 The Pro hero grinned, delighted by the reaction from the usually somber villain. “There it is! I knew you had some semblance of joy in you! Tickle tickle tickle, Dabi!”

“S-SHuhuhuhuhut uhuhuhp! Ahehehehahhaha! GAH! Nohohohohoho bihihiihihrdie  stAhahahap!” Dabi arched with a squeak when Hawks’ fingers brushed over the lower parts of his stomach, fingers and feathers very gently teasing the terribly sensitive skin like a dance. It left the brunette howling with laughter- the tops of his cheeks burning like the flames he could create. If he still had working tear ducks, he was sure he’d be misty eyed right now.

And Hawks- oh that freaking Hawks. He was laughing with him,seemingly overjoyed by the sight of him so vulnerable! Though- he had to admit; the sound of him laughing was rather nice…

Finally, when Dabi couldn’t take it anymore- when he was just barely getting out a wheeze that embarrassingly sounded like a dog toy- did Hawks stop. The tickles came to an end; his hand opting to rest his hand against Dabi’s warm chest. As the villain gasped for air, he rubbed soothing circles into it, helping him compose himself.

“Ahehehehe..hehehehe…fuhuhuhuck..” Falling back into the couch cushions, Dabi closed his eyes-willing himself to calm. He felt both humiliated and exhausted and…free. Relaxed. At ease. The feeling of Hawks’ hand against his scarred chest- that comforting pressure as he listened to his racing heartbeat- it was nice.

Bastard.

“F-Fuhuck you...Birdie.” Dabi growled, reaching up and punching Hawks in the shoulder. Only the punch was more of a tap, and Hawks laughed as he caught his hand, bringing the scarred limb up and kissing his knuckles.

 “Hey, you enjoyed it! You could have broken free at any time.”

That comforting feeling grew as he realized…he was right. The entire time Hawks had him, he wasn’t holding on that tight- and if Dabi really wanted to escape, he could. The fact he had that option from the get go did funny things to his chest.

Then the humility came crashing back- leaving the scarred villain redder than Hawks wings, which was what he promptly shoved his face against to hide in mortification. “S-Shut up! I- don’t laugh!” His muffled stammering was enough to send Hawks into a laughing fit, flopping against the embarrassed villain and pulling him entirely into his chest.

 “Come now. Don’t be embarrassed. Everyone's ticklish. Even you.”

Dabi groaned against him, only peering out to glare at his feathery boyfriend. “I hate you.” 

Hawks smiled, leaning down and kissing him gently. “I love you too.”

Thanks for reading!

[badasgirl]

accidentally fell in love

bada lee x fem!reader

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒── ──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

when you’re in love with your best friend who constantly goes on date after date, what do you do? what if that best friend also happens to be oblivious as can be?

genre: fluff, angst (my bad), suggestive, best friends to lovers

warnings: oblivious!bada x jealous!reader, bada calls reader her princess, some tension, suggestive with a makeout scene towards the end, no caps on purpose (booo ik terrible grammar).

author’s note: this was not proofread so please be easy on me. anyways, yayyy! i am finally back after a while 🤭 rewriting this made me cry so it took a while and the finale made me really emotional (i still am emotional LMAO) so i ended up pushing this back. thank you for being patient! i hope you all enjoy!

word count: ~3.2k

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒── ──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

you and bada lee have been best friends since one faithful day in middle school. it was a simple mistake really, you had forgotten a pencil for an exam and the teacher refused to give you one. you had to take the exam or else you could possibly fail the class. you had began to tear up and panic as the exam was about to begin and there was no pencil insight for you. luckily amidst your panic, the tall girl behind you tapped your shoulder and quickly snuck you a pencil to use. since that day, you vowed to be by her side and be her best friend forever.

and trust me, since that day you never left each other’s sides. you two were inseparable. you both were now in your final year of university and of course you shared an apartment together. bada majored in dance and you majored in art, specifically focusing in photography. naturally, a lot of the photos you took included bada, she was like your muse. if you ever needed to do a last minute project, she was always down to help. for bada, you too were like her muse for dance, but in a different way. whenever she had difficulties creating or finishing a choreography, she had to see you. she claimed that just by seeing you, you cleared her foggy mind and gave her so much inspiration. how could someone not fall for her? you did.

unfortunately for you, you were deeply in love with your best friend. in fact, she was your lesbian awakening in high school. you knew she liked anyone regardless of gender, however she never seemed to show interest in you at all. well, never directly.

recently, she was always going on dates with guys and coming back home complaining to you. today was one of those days. you were laying down on the couch in your pajama shorts and your (bada’s) t-shirt, watching something on your phone when bada entered the apartment with a loud sigh. she kicked off her shoes and threw her bag on the floor before taking her tall body and laying on top of you, basically smothering you.

“bada, what happened? also you’re crushing me” you said as you tried to push her off you slightly. the girl just snuggled into you more before loudly whining like a kicked puppy.

“princess, it was so terrible. he was sooo full of himself.” bada said tiredly. “he acted like he was doing me a favor by going on a date! i was the one doing him a favor if anything!” she complained passionately as she finally sat up a bit, just to give you enough room to sit up and hold the big human-sized puppy in your lap.

you patted her head softly as you said “bada, i have told you to stop going on every single date that someone asks you out on. especially this guy, seojun is a literal known asshole.”

the tall girl sighed knowing you were right. “i know, but i thought maybe it was just gossip you know? god, i wish these guys were like you y/n…so sweet and caring, never full of themselves. if they were like you, they’d be perfect. i’d immediately fall for them and make them mine.”

you blushed slightly but your heart broke at the same time. you slightly balled up your fists out of jealousy, but bada didn’t notice. you honestly hated hearing about your best friend’s dates. not only did they make you jealous, but bada always said if they were more like you she’d actually date them. “what does she even mean by that?” is something you’ve always wondered. if you’re so perfect for her, why won’t she date you?

you pushed your feelings aside as you smiled at bada and tapped her thigh signaling her to get up. “bada, you’ll find someone perfect for you, trust me. you just need to give it time and going on every date possible won’t help you.” you told her sincerely as you both got up from the couch.

bada nodded in agreement with you before pulling you in a hug. she rested her head atop yours before placing a soft kiss on your forehead. “thank you y/n, you’re right. what would i do without you, my best friend.” she smiled at you before taking her bag from the floor and heading to her room to get ready for bed.

however, all you could do was just stand there in the middle of the living room. of course, you were friendzoned time and time again. you hated how bada could make you feel like you were only person she wanted or needed one second and then remind you of your place the next. you let a few tears fall down your face before quickly wiping them and going to your room to sulk over being stuck in the friendzone.

────────────────────────────────────────────

the next day was definitely one of the shittiest days you’ve had in a while. to begin, you overslept and missed your first class because you were up all night thinking about bada and how much it hurt your heart to see her with shitty people and not you. then if that wasn’t enough, you spilled your energy drink all over your computer in the middle of your second class. fortunately for you, it wasn’t damaged. however, there was nothing to clean it with in the class and the closest bathroom had no paper towels to wipe it clean with. you were running out of time to make it to your last class, so you had to end up carrying a sticky computer in your bag halfway across campus so wouldn’t be late. then to top everything off, when you finally went to one of the dining halls after your last class, they ran out of the one meal you like there. you sat in defeat at one of the tables with arms on the table and your head resting on your arms.

bada currently had 20 minutes before her next practice started up, so she decided to head to the dining hall. she figured you’d also be there after a long day of classes, she knew your schedule like the back of her hand. bada spotted you at one of the tables with your head down, she immediately went over and patted your head softly.

your head lifted up slowly and your eyes met hers. “hey sleepyhead, why are you napping here?” bada asked grinning at you as she sat down next to you.

you sighed and fixed your hair. “i’m not napping, just drained” was all you could really say. you didn’t really feel like explaining the whole timeline of events that occurred. bada nodded her head in response before giggling to herself.

you looked at her with a confused face. “what’s so funny?” you asked her curiously.

“nothing really, it’s just i’m going on the blind date later after practice and i think the guy might be daehyun! you know the guy from your major.” bada explained while chuckling about thinking of going on a date with a fairly popular guy you know due to being in the same major and working together before.

this was your last straw. not only had you had a very terrible day, but now bada’s going on another date. you guess nothing you said last night mattered to her at all. you felt as if you don’t matter to her at all. you had began to accept being friendzoned, but now she’s completely ignoring what you tell her? what will happen when she starts actually dating someone, will she just ignore you all together?

tears brimmed your eyes as you quickly got up from the table and harshly grabbed your bag. you looked at her, your voice unsteady before saying “i don’t care, do what you want. have fun on your date bada, don’t bother complaining about it to me later because i’m not listening anymore.”

you walked off before bada could register what was even happening. she stood up once she finally realized what was going on and went to look for you, however you had walked far enough away for her to not see you anymore. she immediately pulled out her phone to text you.

────────────────────────────────────────────

you made your way back to your shared apartment, crying your eyes out on the way home. “why are you so emotional? were you too hard on bada?” were the things you thought of on your walk back home. once you reached the complex, you quickly made it to your unit and went inside. all you could manage to do was take your shoes off before slowly walking over to your room, throwing your bag to the side, and flopping face first onto your bed. you curled up in a ball and cried your eyes out again. every insecurity you had about your friendship with bada came to the surface. even if she didn’t love you romantically, how could she just ignore your advice time after time if you’re her supposed best friend. how could she not realize the right choice has been in-front of her the whole time. she wanted every quality about you in the person she dated, so why not just date you? did she find you that repulsive?

you were wallowing in your thoughts for a while before you decided to check your phone. you felt it buzz as you walked home, but you were too focused on just making it home to check. your notifications revealed 4 missed calls and 10 texts in a row, all from bada. they all happened about 20 minutes ago.

my sea 🌊

——————————

y/n

are you okay???

did i upset you??

where did you go?

are you going home?

y/n princess please tell me you’re home safely, i’m worried.

i hope you’re alright, please don’t cry anymore.

i’m sorry i don’t know what i did, but that doesn’t matter i just need you to be okay

princess?

please let me know when you see this, let me know you’re safe.

you felt like crying even more after reading bada’s texts. maybe you were the one who fucked up. you didn’t want the girl to panic too much and actually call the police, so you mustered up all your energy to text her back.

you

———————

i’m home, i’m fine.

you shut off your phone and threw it to the side as you slowly let more tears fall and sleep over take you. the day was so draining, your body couldn’t help but want to give into sleeping.

────────────────────────────────────────────

the moment bada received your text, she immediately grabbed her stuff and ran out of practice. she ran over to the nearest convenience store to grab a bunch of all of your favorite snacks and drink: fruit jellies, potato chips, and strawberry milk. she had no idea as to why you suddenly became so upset, but the only thing on her mind was to make you feel better. once she purchased everything, bada rushed to your shared apartment quickly.

after you had barely fallen asleep for maybe 45 minutes, you heard a knock at your bedroom door and someone softly calling your name. you assumed it must be bada. you sighed deeply, rubbing your eyes awake. you honestly didn’t know how to react or what to do at this point.

“princess? you awake?” bada asked softly while gripping onto the plastic bag holding the things she got for you.

“go away bada, i’m fine” you mumbled at the door praying she could hear you.

that answer wasn’t good enough for bada. she may be oblivious to a lot of things, but she always knew when you didn’t feel okay. she slowly opened the door and looked at you balled up figure on your bed. the tall girl placed the bag of snacks on your desk and went to sit next to you on your bed. you huffed, sat up, and turned to face the taller girl.

“bada what don’t you understand about “go away” or “i’m fine”?” you asked the girl next to you tiredly. “i’m so tired just leave okay?” you pleaded.

“y/n i can tell you’re not fine, don’t lie to me now. we’re best friends.” bada said seriously looking you in your eyes.

you scoffed and rolled your eyes at her statement. bada tilted her head in confusion at your actions.

“what does that mean?” the oblivious girl asked.

“bada, if we’re seriously best friends…then why do you ignore and throw away every piece of advice i give you?” you started to get worked up, tears already brimming at your eyes again. “you act like you listen to what i say and you cherish it, but in reality you never do.” you said with your voice beginning to get shaky.

“y/n what-“

you cut off your best friend immediately. “don’t ask me what i mean because you know what i’m talking about. i tell you that going on a bunch of dates won’t help you find the one who deserves your love, you agree, say you appreciate me so much and wish you dated someone like me, and then turn around a few days later to go on dates.” you said as tears slowly began to fall down your face. you could barely think about what you were saying at the point, you were just speaking. bada sat there silently in shock listening to you explain everything.

“and bada you always do this. sure, it’s my fault that i accidentally fell in love with my best friend, so yeah seeing you go on all these failed dates and you saying you wish they were like me always make me jealous. but as your best friend it breaks my heart ten times more to see you just waste your time on these losers and just tossing me to the side.” you said as you were fully crying at this point. you were so deep in your emotions you didn’t even realize you just confessed your love to your best friend.

it took bada a while to understand what you had just said but once she did, she immediately started crying with you. you were very confused to see bada cry along with you. you were going to ask why she had began crying but she had said “you’re in love with me y/n?”

you were so shocked as you didn’t even realize what you had said until she said something, you gasped at the realization and looked up at bada, now you were afraid. even though you were upset with bada, you didn’t want to lose her all together.

“bada wait i-“

“no y/n, be honest with me…are you seriously in love with me?” bada asked looking into your eyes, grabbing your hands and holding them tightly in hers.

you looked down, unable to face her. “yes bada, i’ve been in love with you for years. you were even the reason why i realized i was a lesbian, since i’m telling you everything…” you laughed slightly out of embarrassment.

bada couldn’t help but to smile at your confession through her tears “y/n- no my princess, i should have just been honest with you and myself. i also fell in love with my best friend. i thought going on all these dates wishing they were you would maybe help. i never knew you could feel the same way, i was so oblivious. i am so so sorry i hurt you in the process, i never wanted to do that. you are the most important person to me. i love you so much princess.” bada confessed to you while still holding onto your hands. your head shot up at her confession and you looked at her in her eyes to make sure she was being serious. you could tell she was being serious so you couldn’t help but cry out of happiness.

bada pulled you into her and hugged you tightly. you wrapped your arms around her waist and cried into her chest. she let her tears fall freely as well as she held you in her arms as her own.

once you both calmed down, bada pulled away to look at your pretty face and admire the girl she loved so much. she tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and smiled at you. you smiled back at bada and giggled.

“does this mean…we’re girlfriends?” you questioned shyly.

bada chuckled at your shyness before nodding. “yes, yes you’re my girlfriend and i’m yours princess.”

you giggled and placed a quick peck to bada’s lips, still holding her close. bada blushed at the peck before bringing you back into her and kissing your lips softly. you both sat there letting that kiss make up for the lost time that you could’ve been together.

when bada pulled away from the kiss, you whined and looked up at the taller girl with puppy eyes. bada laughed at your actions before smirking down at you.

“why? does my princess want more?” your girlfriend teased you while rubbing her hands up and down your sides. you nodded quickly in response before stretching your neck back up to meet her lips.

bada deepened the kiss, biting your lips softly. your kisses got messier and filled with more and more passion. you were holding onto bada for dear life as she licked across your lips, signaling you that she wanted in. you let her have access so easily, her tongue easily dominated yours as you both continued to hold each other close and make out on your bed. the whimpers and moans you both let out were swallowed by the other within your kisses.

eventually after you both pulled away to catch your breaths, you spotted the plastic grocery bag on your desk.

“baby what’s that?” you questioned softly while pointing at the bag with your finger.

bada blushed at the pet name you gave her before answering you. “it’s all of your favorites princess! fruit jellies, strawberry milk, and potato chips. i bought them earlier to try to make you feel better.”

you smiled up at your girlfriend giggling at the sweet action. “you’re perfect, oblivious as hell, but perfect. i’m so lucky” you said sweetly while getting up to get the bag of snacks.

bada watched you get up as she shook her head in disagreement. “princess, i’m definitely the lucky one, you’re the best girlfriend i could have asked for. i should have really just dated you from the start…” bada trailed off as her face turned into a pout.

you returned to the bed with your snacks acquired and kissed the cute pout off of bada’s face. after that quick kiss, she was nothing but smiles.

“now hush you big puppy, let’s not focus on the lost time. let’s just focus on us now.” you stated as you snuggled into bada.

bada held you close as you snuggled into her. she knew you were right, there’s no use in dwelling on what already happened. all she wanted to do now was create new amazing memories with you.

bada looked at you while smiling and said “so a movie and snacks?”

you chuckled and smiled back at her “you read my mind baby.”

[yyokkki]

Asking to Sketch Them

HEARTSLABYUL

Riddle Rosehearts

Honestly a bit shocked you’d ask him

But he’s had practice from posing for family portraits, so he isn’t too nervous

Until you say you want the backdrop to be Heartslabyul’s garden

It doesn’t break any rules… but that doesn’t mean someone else won’t break any rules

He doesn’t collar people as often as he used to, but he still makes it a point to lecture rulebreakers on the importance of said rule

So imagine the strain on his face when Ace walks by with a vase full of roses and it’s Wednesday.

In the end Ace sits beside you while Riddle gives a long lecture, keeping the rest of his body perfectly still so it doesn’t interfere with your work

You are sweating in fear. 6/10 a good model but it’s hard to draw when your model is half yelling at the dude sitting right next to you

Trey Clover

Might hesitate to say yes because he’s a busy guy,,

I mean they have tea parties like everyday and he’s always in charge of sweets-

You say he can go about his business and that you’re going to capture him in his natural habitat then he agrees

Raises an eyebrow cuz you make it sound like you’re on national geographic but ok

Anyways you’re drawing him while he’s baking and damnnn those biceps pop when he’s whisking

Secretly, however, he’s been holding back for a while now/

When you’re least expecting it he comes closer to you… and bam whipped cream on the side of your face

Devolves into flour tossing and chaos

6/10 you got whipped cream on your sketchbook and it was half finished but it was a fun memory

Cater Diamond

“OMS YAY of course ;DD”

Internally screaming because his makeup isn’t that good today and why him I mean there are better looking people in nrc and maybe he can get his clone to do it instead-

Overthinker fr

He’s a bit stiff at first, trying to only show his good side and checking his camera constantly to see if his smile looks good

If you’re close and you start talking to him about something he’s passionate about while you’re sketching he’ll loosen up a bit and his pose becomes a lot more natural

Eventually forgets you’re even drawing him and now it’s just him showing his true colours

Takes a pic of your finished sketch along with the both of you and posts it on magicam #muse #artistbestie

8/10 the sketch turned out well and you had a nice chat 

Deuce Spade

Has never been asked this question in his life

Boy is so stiff and awkward pls baby

He smiles like Oga from Beelzebub at first

Pls pls pls get this boy to do something else while you’re drawing him to get him to relax

Might be studying across the table from you while having a nice chat

Forgets you’re drawing him eventually pt.2

Tbh moves around a lot especially if a senior enters the room cuz he makes it a point to turn around and greet them while standing up

Is a bit surprised when you say you’re done because shit I forgot and I moved so much im sorry-

Also takes a picture of the sketch

Texts his mom the pic “I made a really good friend who’s great at drawing :D”

Will ask if you can draw a portrait of him and his mom together when you get the chance (will pay for it he just doesn’t know about the concept of commissions TT)

4/10 he’s so precious but not the best model tbh id still ask him again idc

Ace Trappola

Little shit (affectionate)

Not hard to make him agree but boy will he give you shit for it “my face is just that handsome ig” “you want me to get nude?” someone kiss him and make him shut up

At first he’s making a bunch of dumb faces and exaggerated poses and once he determines that you’re sufficiently annoyed he starts actually posing normally

Might get up halfway through and start stretching or laying down cuz he got tired though

Depending on how late he slept the night before and if you’re keeping quiet so he doesn’t get the chance to tease you, he might fall asleep

His sleeping face is cute so it works out for you ehe

When you’re done he acts all non chalant and smug about it but inside he’s sooo happy damn tsundere

Asks if he can draw you next and draws a potato with three dots on it <3

2/10 its only easy when he falls asleep but he’s cute so ill give him 1 extra point

-----

Heartslabyul | Savanaclaw | Octavinelle | Scarabia | Pomefiore | Ignihyde | Diasomnia

Graphic design is not my passion dear lord i really need to read a guide on how to format tumblr posts TT

Also first time writing omg depending on my mood next part will either be out tomorrow or next month see yall

[anothertimdrakestan]

Damian x reader where she is having a bad day and he comforts her! A lot of kisses and cuddles and Damian being a low key flirt! Please and thank u!

Promise - Damian Wayne x Reader

"Y/N! you will never believe what Penguin tried today at the charity luncheon! Amid the chicken fingers too! It was quite a hilarious event and- oh. Oh shit. What's wrong?" the hero had easily flitted through your window like a leaf on the cold breeze- a chill which had been blowing into your room for almost two, frozen hours.

"Hey Dames. I'm fine, what happened with Penguin?" you muttered, pushing hair behind your ear to look up at the shocked man in front of you. You quickly wiped away at running mascara, frustrated you even let your emotions get the better of you tonight.

Damian didn't reply, instead he firmly shut your window behind him with one hand, his eyes not leaving your curled figure buried in a corner of your bed. Next he backed up to your closet, continuing to analyze your every move while he changed out of his Batman suit, a new suit that was truly meant for him, into sweats you kept for him a one of your drawers.

You felt the bed dip and Damian was sat at the edge staring at you as if you were going to get up and run away.

You were still curled in a ball, knees to your chest and head resting on your arms as you grumbled, "I asked what happened with Penguin" and Damian gave you a slight frown, "what happened with you?"

"Rude"

"You've been crying"

"Have not"

"So pretty even when lying to me" he mumbled, sliding into place next to you, draping a long arm around you to pull you into his chest. You huffed in response, but it was more an excuse to inhale the smell of dry cedar, vanilla, and just a hint of sweat- overwhelmingly perfect (for my connoisseurs I'm talking ORMAIE Toï Toï Toï).

Giving into your silence he pulled out his phone, pulling up footage clearly from the day's events. You watched Penguin try to steal a highly expensive painting being auctioned, but before he could get away, Damian was bounding towards the thief, using Penguin's own henchmen's heads as stepping stones. They fell almost like bowling pins as your hero flipped and spun through the air, Penguin kept trying to shoot at the blur but Damian just had the villain spinning in circles until he too collapsed without Damian even having to lift a finger.

"Dick would be soooo proud" you giggled leaning your head up to look at Damian who was grinning proudly at the film himself.

"There's that smile. And yeah, I already sent it to him! He says he's gonna try the same move next week." Damian mused, tucking the phone back into his pocket, his arm still draped around you as he mindlessly tapped his fingers on your side.

You realized he wasn't going to drop it so you broke the silence, "I just had a bad day Dames, nothing to it, it happens."

"You know I would literally kill anyone who hurt yo-"

"I know Dames, I know. But this wasn't really anyones fault, I just get in my own head sometimes." you huffed, actually relaxing after getting the thoughts off your chest.

He tapped your skill with a frown, "well, then let the people in there know I'm coming for them next."

"You're coming for my thoughts?" you snorted.

"If that's what is takes to make you happy, I'll call Zatanna we can magic school bus this shit or something-" Damian was joking, but you appreciated the sentiment.

"Sometimes you've just gotta be a little sad D, I'll be okay,"

"Promise?"

"With you by my side? I could never be upset for long, I promise."

"That's what I like to hear!"

"I could totally use some pizza though, you know, to cure me"

"For you, Beloved, the world" your hero responded, pulling out his phone to order your favorites, clearly excited just to spend time with you. Seriously though, with him around it was impossible to be upset for long.

"You know I love you, Damian Wayne."

"I sure hope so, no other heroes better be coming through your window at night!" he teased back, pressing a kiss to your forehead while you shook your head with a laugh, feeling the pressure and weight get lifted off your shoulders already.

~

Short but sweet, ty for the request!! <3

[makeitmingi]

Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 52]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.3K

Chapter warning(s): This is a heavy chapter. There's a lot of strong emotions, exchanges of hurt and mean words between characters, self blaming/ hating.

The one month of music show promotions had finally come to an end. While the boys were still performing the new songs and promoting the albums in other countries and concerts, today was the last music show recording.

"You've worked hard, boys. Grab your things and let's go back to the dorm." The managers said once the boys changed out of their stage costumes in the studio.

"You guys go ahead. There's something I need to do first." Mingi told them, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"What are you doing that's so secretive?" Wooyoung asked, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

"I'm going to see Indigo or go to her studio, I want to give her something to surprise her." Mingi explained, mimicking the shorter's interrogative posture.

"Alright, we'll see you at home." Hongjoong nodded and waved to the tall rapper as he ushered the others to the exit.

Mingi headed down to your studio. He had something he wanted to surprise you and put on your desk. It was the photo you took as a group during the first music show win.

"Indigo?" He knocked and pressed the doorbell but there was no answer. Honestly, Mingi didn't know if you were in or not. When there was no answer, he let himself in. From the darkness, he guessed that you were not in. But when he turned on the lights, Mingi's face fell at what he saw.

Or what he didn't see.

The studio was back to it's original state. The small couch, desk and chair. There was no trace of you at all, as if you hadn't been working in there for the past few months.

"What the hell?" He frowned, feeling shock and confusion rise within him. Whatever was going on, Mingi needed to see you now.

"Taxi!" Mingi hailed a cab and told the driver to speed him back home. He didn't bother waiting for the lift and ran up the stairs to your floor.

"Baby!" He burst through your door.

"Mingi." You looked up at him like a deer caught in headlights. You called him 'Mingi'. That was when he took in his surroundings.

All your things were in boxes, the apartment practically empty. It was like you just moved in. But that was impossible. The only explanation was that you were moving out, not in. He didn't say anything, just looking around with wide eyes until his gaze fell on you.

"Baby. Tell me what's going on." He said, letting out a long, shaky breath to try and calm himself down. But right now, his brain was jumping to scary conclusions.

"I... I'm leaving, Mingi." You forced out the words.

"L-Leaving? T-To where?" Mingi took a step towards you but you kept your distance. Him being close to you would just make things harder.

"America, I got an offer... from a famous recording company there... Today... was the last day of my contract with KQ." You chewed on your bottom lip.

"T-That's great! I didn't hear you mention this at all. When are you coming back?" He asked, trying to look happy for you.

"I don't know..." You looked down. You couldn't look Mingi in the eye, knowing the hurt and betrayal he'll feel.

"Let's end things here, Mingi. It's been a good run... I... I'm grateful for the memories and moments... we shared... everything you've given me. But... this is where we end." You said, voice shaky. Taking a deep breath, you looked up to see Mingi just standing there, frozen at your words. Tears streamed down his face.

"No! No, no, no. This is not where we end. W-We'll try long distance or something. I-I'll wait, wait until you come back." Mingi argued, shaking his head.

"It won't work out, Mingi. We know that..." You wiped your tears.

"Y-You're not even going to try? Please, baby. Please." Mingi begged, choking on his sobs.

"Our jobs... will never let us be a normal couple... We'll be living in secret... It was wrong of me, from the start, to think that we could ever be something more..." You hugged yourself.

"No, don't say that!" Mingi yelled, making you flinch. You've heard Mingi yell but never at you. But truthfully, you knew you deserved it.

"You can't just p-pack up and leave. Why do you give up on us so easily? It was meant to be u-us against the world. But you're just leaving like we meant nothing, like I mean nothing to you." Mingi's words cut deep like swords.

"This opportunity-"

"Bullshit! Tell me the real reason you're leaving all of a sudden!" Mingi demanded. He refused to believe that you were doing this because of a better opportunity in another country.

"This has been the plan for a while now... I just told CEO Kim to let me stay until the last day of promotions." You gulped.

"And you didn't think to tell me? Am I the only fool here who doesn't know this?" He asked in disbelief.

"No one else knows... Not even Hongjoong... I told Eden not to mention it... I didn't want to ruin the comeback or distract anyone with my departure." You said.

"And how did that work out for you?" He spat.

"I thought... I thought y-you were different, that we had something genuine... that we shared a connection. I've never loved anyone more, I-I've never willingly gave anyone else my heart and trust. A-And you... ripped it up so easily. You..." He couldn't even finish his sentence amidst his anger and crying.

"I'm sorry." You repeatedly apologised to him.

"Stop telling me you're sorry when you don't mean it." He said. You shook your head, you did mean it. You were sorry for lying to him, betraying him and hurting him.

"I do mean it. All I'll ever do is hurt you, Mingi. I can't be the right person for you." You shook your head.

"I promise, I was going to talk about it to you. I didn't want things to get like this." You tried to tell him but you knew it was no use.

"What? You were going to tell me right as you were boarding the plane?" He scoffed.

"No, of course not." You denied. Even if you knew this would hurt you both, you wouldn't do that. Mingi deserved to hear it from you in person, not over the phone, not from someone else or not through a letter that you leave behind.

"What's the point, right? Whether I found out on my own or whether you told me, it would have still ended the same way..." Mingi's jaw clenched as he spoke words of bitterness.

"You should have just left without saying anything. It would beat whatever this is." He said.

"Mingi, this wasn't an easy decision to make... Please, it wasn't something that I decided overnight." You told him.

"You sure as hell made it look easy... The way you just... decided on your own to leave, pack up your things... Did you even think about me at all when you made all these decisions?" He asked.

"Of course!" You replied. You didn't mean to yell, you were just going to standing there and take all his berating but you couldn't help yourself.

"Did you even love me?" He whispered.

That was it. You broke down into loud sobs, sinking to the ground as you cried. This was harder than anything you've ever done before. The pain was immense, consuming you entirely. Of course you love him. You love him more than anything in the world. Mingi was now your world.

"Go. J-Just go. Y-You don't even care about me anyway." Mingi said, his voice now void of all emotion.

"I do care, Mingi." You cried.

"If you did, you wouldn't have given up on us so easily." He said, walking out the door and slamming it close. You could only watch him, stopping yourself from running after him.

"I'm sorry." You shook your head as you continued to cry, curling up into a ball on the ground.

You deserve this, you deserve for Mingi to hate you. If it kept him and everyone else safe, you would willingly be the bad guy.

Picking yourself up, you hailed a cab and went to pick Haneul up. You would be taking her to America with you since you didn't know if you would ever be back.

"Thank you for everything, ahjumma. Really. I know I can never repay all that you've done for me." You bowed deeply to her. When you straightened up, the ahjumma nodded her head. For the first time in forever, she gave you a small smile.

"It has not been easy for you." She said. Your already fragile heart broke even more as you cried. The old lady hugged you, patting your back.

"Take care of her." She whispered.

"I will. You know I will." You repeated as you cried. When you heard Haneul coming, you pulled away from the hug, turning around to wipe your tears.

"Unnie, are you okay?" Haneul stared up at you in confusion when she saw your red eyes and nose.

"Yeah, I'm fine, baby. Go say goodbye and thank you to ahjumma." You told her. She giggled and ran to hug the old lady.

"Be a good girl and listen to your sister." The ahjumma patted Haneul's butt, kissing the top of her head. You grabbed Haneul's bag in one hand, the other holding her hand. With another deep, grateful bow, you walked with Haneul out of there. It was expensive but you took another cab back home.

Your phone was ringing and buzzing off the hook, an indicator Mingi had told them what happened. You were hoping that the boys would not show up at your house since you were with Haneul.

"Unnie, are you really okay?" Haneul asked as you both got down from the cab.

"Yeah. Why do you keep asking?" You chuckled, squatting down in front of her to tuck her fly away hair behind her ears.

"You seem sad. Are you sad?" She tilted her head. You didn't reply her, pursing your lips as you tried to come up with an answer. Instead, Haneul reached up to hug you.

"Don't be sad." She patted your head.

"Thank you, baby. I won't be. Because you're here with me." You lightly pinched her cheek. She giggled shyly and you headed into the building with her. When you stepped out of the lift, you were thankful that there was no one waiting outside the door for you.

"Are you sleepy? Let's get showered, changed and in bed." You told her, putting her bag aside. After a quick shower, you dried Haneul's hair and laid with her until she fell asleep.

"Ugh, I need a drink." You grabbed a bottle of soju you had left in the fridge and poured it into a glass.

'I'm outside. - Hwa'

'I don't want to see anyone... Haneul is sleeping and I just want to be alone. - Indigo'

'Are you really not going to tell them the truth about why you're leaving? You'd rather leave and let them believe their own conclusions? - Hwa'

'It doesn't matter at this point. I'm already leaving tomorrow. I've caused enough hurt here. - Indigo'

Downing another shot of soju, you pushed yourself to stand up and open the door. Seonghwa looked up from his phone, taking you in. You sniffled and went into his arms as he hugged you. You cried into his chest. Not wanting other neighbours to see, Seonghwa walked you in and closed the door.

"Hwa... I hurt him so bad... I really... I hurt him." You cried into his chest. He shushed you but you were inconsolable.

It was no use, what you did broke both your heart and Mingi's heart into a million unfixable pieces. This was all your fault. You could only blame yourself for this.

"I'm sorry you have to do this and take the blame all on your own." He whispered.

"It's okay, I deserve it." You shook your head.

"No, don't say that. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve to have your life threatened just because you fell in love. You shouldn't have to sacrifice it for others." Seonghwa denied.

"Maybe it's better for him and all of you to hate me. It'll make leaving easier." You looked up at him. Seonghwa cupped your cheeks, lightly brushing your tears away with his thumbs. If only he could convince Hongjoong to come talk to you.

But the captain was still in shock. Seonghwa convinced him not to confront you after seeing the state Mingi returned home in. He knew you would be in a worse state. So he locked himself in his room.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" Seonghwa asked, brushing your hair away from your face.

"Tomorrow afternoon. The movers are coming to get the final things in the morning." You informed. Seonghwa nodded his head.

"Don't come to the airport tomorrow, okay? It'll make it harder for me to leave. And Haneul might prefer to go with Bunny pancake oppa." You tried to joke.

"Then I guess this is goodbye and good luck." He smiled softly, tears brimming his eyes.

Now it was your turn to reach up and gently wiped the tears that slipped down his cheeks. You hated this, a part of you didn't want to see it. That's why you dreaded it. You didn't want to be the cause of anyone's tears. And now, your big brother Seonghwa was crying because of you.

"Keep in touch, okay? At least let me know you're alive." He hugged you tightly.

"Maybe not for the first few months... Or I might be tempted to leave and come back." You said. Seonghwa nodded, understanding where you were coming from.

"I know I have no right to ask for anything... But please, take care of Mingi for me..." You said, your lip quivering as you cried.

"You know we will." He promised.

"You'll always have a place here with us. We're family, no matter what." He kissed your forehead. With a final tight squeeze of a hug, Seonghwa let go of you and left your apartment.

Returning to bed, you crawled in with Haneul. You softly brushed her hair back and placed a kiss on her cheek with a loving smile on your face. As long as Haneul was safe, you promised to keep her safe and that's a promise you'll keep.

"I love you so much." You whispered, holding her close as you closed your eyes.

While Haneul slept, you worked with the movers in the morning to get your remaining things ready to be shipped to your storage unit here or to your new house in America.

"Please help yourself to the coffees and breakfast muffins." You gestured to the counter, bowing.

"Thank you." The workers bowed. You went to pack your suitcase.

"Unnie?" Haneul sat up, looking around before finding you seated on the ground in front of the luggages. You waved at her.

"Good morning, baby." You smiled. She slid down from the bed, crawling into your lap and holding onto her plush tightly. You didn't mind that she was leaning against your chest as you packed. As she slowly woke herself up, her eyes followed the way you packed the clothes and laid them down.

"I heard you and Bunny oppa talking last night... I was sleeping but I could hear you." Haneul said. Your hands stopped. Just how much did she hear?

"I heard you crying and saying sorry. Why are you sorry to Bunny oppa?" She looked up at you.

"Because goodbyes are hard, baby."

"Then why are we saying goodbye? I like the oppas, they should come with us so we don't have to say goodbye." She asked. You didn't know how to tell her.

"Sometimes, we just have to say goodbye to each other, even if we don't want to." You told her.

"Then is big princess coming with us? You said you're like an omma and appa that haven't got married yet right?" She blinked. You shook your head with a small smile, stroking her head. You didn't blame her for being curious, she was close to them too.

"Big princess needs to stay here and work. He and the other oppas stay here and make people happy when they sing and dance." You explained to her.

"Let's brush our teeth and have some breakfast. How about cereal and yoghurt?" You suggested, knowing they're her favourite.

"Yes!" She grinned, taking off to the bathroom. Thankfully, you managed to successfully distract her.

"Alright. Yoghurt and cereal!" You took the items out of the fridge, putting them in plastic disposal bowls for her and handing her the spoon. She sat with you in the bedroom as she ate.

"Unnie, where is your breakfast?" She tilted her head.

"I already ate this morning, baby." You ruffled her hair with a smile. You finished packing some luggages and put them aside.

"Bear oppa!" Haneul suddenly exclaimed, making you whip your head around. Haneul abandoned her yoghurt and ran to hug Jongho's legs. Jongho smiled softly, stroking her head and bending down to hug her tightly. Seeing Haneul leave her favourite yoghurt behind just showed how much she loves Jongho.

"Hey." He nodded over to you. You nodded in reply.

"I'm sorry the place is a mess. The movers just got the last of the boxes this morning." You apologised. Jongho shook his head with a hum. He sat down with Haneul in his lap.

"Here." He handed her the bowl of yoghurt and cereal for her to continue her breakfast.

"Mingi hyung told us." He said.

"I see... I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to come at all so I'm surprised you're here. I was just going to pack up and go." You shrugged.

"They wanted to come... But I was the only one that could do it without crying. Plus, I wouldn't let you leave without seeing my little bear and saying goodbye." Jongho chuckled.

"Is the house in America all settled?" He asked.

"Yeah. They've got everything ready for me. A big studio space, a nice apartment in a fancy complex, all that. The agent even sent me some schooling options for Haneul when we get there. I'll need to look those over before enrolling her." You explained.

"That's good. Well, no matter where my little bear goes, she'll do well. She's so smart." Jongho looked down, pinching Haneul's cheek, who giggled happily.

"There's a Korean International School... It would be good to go there to continue under the same education system." You thought out loud.

"Especially if you're planning to come back after some time..." Jongho said.

"But-"

"I know you don't know what the future is like yet. I'm just saying 'if'. It'll make transitioning easier for her, I know some kids have a hard time with migration." Jongho explained.

"Yes and I want her to continue speaking Korean as a first language, not a second." You said and he nodded. There was a short silence that hung in the air.

"They don't hate you... you know... Or at least, most of them..." Jongho added, as if he was reading your mind. You were grateful for his honesty. In your head, you already knew who amongst the boys would be the most upset. Hongjoong, Wooyoung and Yunho probably had some strong words to say to you.

"They should hate me. You should too. Especially after what I did to Mingi yesterday." You said bitterly.

"We both know that deep down, you didn't want to say those words. You didn't want to have to do that, to purposely hurt him. I know you still love Mingi hyung." He looked at you.

"You do?"

"If you didn't, you wouldn't be leaving."

~

Series Masterlist

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

WIP Wednesday

Happy Wednesday my lovelies! Today I bring you something...sort of new-ish? For those of you who read Destiny & Deliverance, you know that I was planning to do a little extra something for foster care and mental health awareness month in May. I have started working on it since I was suddenly hit by the ‘Daddy Dieter’ bug again thanks to @auteurdelabre and her wonderful fic (A Little Sun).

So, for this WIP Wednesday, I bring you a snippet from Written in the Stars - Luca's adoption story.

My face softened, realizing now that he really wanted this, “Dieter, this isn't a dog. It’s a whole fucking human…and not even a baby. He’s gonna have feelings, emotions, and…trauma. That’s a lot to take on.”  He sighed, “I-I know…I don’t think there’s anyone more equipped to handle trauma than us though…I’m the only person he knows. If we don’t take him, he’s gonna go to the foster facility or be placed with a random family. I can’t let that happen…he’ll be terrified.”  I ran my fingers through the top of my hair as I stared at him, “It’s temporary?” Dieter nodded. “Are you gonna be able to handle that? Will you be able to handle giving him up?” He nodded again, “As long as I go into it knowing that’s the plan, then yes…I c-can handle it.”  I wasn’t completely convinced with that answer. Dieter had been doing so well the last several years, but this was certainly something that could trigger a manic episode for him.  “And what if they can’t find another place for him to go? What if it’s not temporary?” He let out a controlled breath, “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

As previously mentioned, this will be a one shot to expand on Luca's story. It's going to be angsty, as usual. However, if you read D & D, you know how things end up. Are you ready for some more Daddy Dieter & Talia? Do you think this situation will cause tension between these two based on the snippet? How do you think each of them will handle this journey?

Until next time,

💜Mysty

D&D Taglist: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94  @hisandsnakes 

@chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @wannab-urs @cakipy-blog

@titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @missladym1981 @maried01

@alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer

@darkheartgatita @avastrasposts @weho2kcmo @harriedandharassed @tkchaos

@girlofchaos @yghuibt @musings-of-a-rose @annieispunk @sarcasm-theotherwhitemeat

@copperhalfcent @bunniboo0015 @indiegirlunited @babycatkitty @stevie75

@jessthebaker

[mamaestapa]

Baby Mama Drama

•pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

•series summary: Y/n Hubbard, the younger sister of Cincinnati Bengals Defensive End Sam Hubbard, finds herself in a difficult situation after a steamy hookup with her brothers best friend, who just so happens to be the quarterback for the Bengals. In just nine months their lives will be changed forever. How will Y/n and Joe manage to to go through parenthood together? more so, how will Sam take the news he is going to be the uncle of his best friends baby?

•chapter summary: There's some drama during Emma's baby shower that leaves you in a worrisome situation at the end of the day...

•word count: 7.5k

•warnings: pregnancy, fluff, angst, drama, arguing, mentions of blood, heavy topics toward the end, chapter ends in a cliffhanger...

series masterlist

—————————————————

March 21, 2023

4 months pregnant

"Oh, this is perfect." You said as you picked up a pink flower onesie off of the shelf. Joe chuckled as he watched you add another newborn outfit to the cart. "Y/n, I think that's enough outfits. She's going to grow out of all of those a few weeks after she's born anyway." he grumbled as you looked at him with raised eyebrows, “Uh huh, I know," you mused, "buuut, a girl can never have too many outfits."

Joe just sighed and moved out of the way so that you could put another outfit into the cart.

You and Joe decided to do a last minute target run this morning before you went over to the Hubbard's house for the baby shower later this afternoon. Today is Emma's (your sister in law) baby shower. You haven't spoken to her or Sam for a little over a month now. And even though Sam has been a complete d-bag to both you and Joe, that's not stopping you from attending and celebrating the sweet baby girl that will be your first niece.

As you and Joe were leaving the baby aisle, a onesie caught your eye. Not one for Baby Hubbard, but one for your baby. You stopped pushing the cart, making Joe look at you with a puzzled expression. He watched you walk over to the rack of baby boy onesies. You pushed your bottom lip out as you held up the tiny newborn onesie that caught your eye.

"Look," you said, eyes growing watery as you held up the onesie for Joe, "It says, 'Game Dey Baby'. Isn't that so cute?" The Onesie was white, with orange letters and black tiger stripes in the letters. "He could wear it on game days." you said, pushing your bottom lip out even more. The baby aisle of Target was a cuteness overload that made your pregnancy hormones go into overdrive. You wanted to buy everything in sight for your baby boy. It's a good thing Joe was shopping with you, otherwise you would have bought a lot more—both for your niece and your son.

Joe sighed as he looked at you holding the Bengals themed baby onesie. You certainly didn't need to be buying any baby clothes just yet, but he couldn't say to you when you looked the way you did in that moment. You looked so happy holding that onesie, plus, Joe couldn't deny that it would be cute to see his son wearing that on game days this upcoming season.

"Put it in the cart," he said to you with a small smile, "it would be cute." You grinned and picked up the onesie, making sure to grab one a few sizes bigger so that your baby would be able to wear it for a couple weeks during the season. You started to push the cart again, finally leaving the baby aisle.

"What's next on the list?" you asked, glancing at Joe, who had his notes app open. “Starbucks." he replied with a smile. Joe isn’t much of a coffee drinker, but he knows you are.

You clapped, "Yay! Mama needs some coffee." Joe shook his head and chuckled at you. "Not so fast. Mama can get her coffee, but only if it's decaf."

Ever since you moved in with him, Joe has been extremely protective over you and the baby. Meaning, he sort of controls what you can and can’t eat and drink. Too much sugar? Immediately no. Large caffeine content? Absolutely not. Contains anything that could potentially harm you or his little man? You can go nowhere near it. It’s sweet of him, but a caffeinated coffee and a pint of ice cream or two, won’t hurt you or the baby.

You groaned, "Oh, c’mon Joe. One venti caramel iced coffee won't hurt me." Joe reached out and rubbed the center of your belly with his fingertips. "It’s not you that I’m worried about, it's the little guy." You pulled his hand away from your growing belly and rolled your eyes. “Joe,” you sighed, “he'll be fine, seriously. Doctor Montgomery said I can have two-hundred milligrams of caffeine a day. A venti has one ninety-five."

Joe knew he wasn’t going to win this argument with you. You were going to get your coffee no matter what.

"Fine,” he said, sighing in defeat, “you can get an iced coffee."

"Yes!” you cheered silently, “thank you.” As you “celebrated”, Joe held his pointer finger up as a way to scold you, “but, you can only get a grande. Just to be safe, please?"

You sighed. You wanted a venti, but, you guess you’ll have to give in to Joe’s demand. You still get your coffee, so at least you’ll both be happy.

“I can work with that.” You nodded, getting in line to order your coffee. Joe smiled, “Good.” You and Joe walked up to the counter and ordered your drinks. The brunette barista immediately recognized Joe. She asked for an autograph and a picture, which Joe happily agreed to do.

Joe was in a great mood today. You could only hope it won't be ruined once the two of you see and talk to Sam soon.

After getting your coffees, you went over to where the self checkouts were, paying for all of your items. Once you paid for everything, you and Joe exited the store and made your way out to his car. You opened the passenger door, sitting down and immediately buckling your seatbelt before Joe could say anything. As soon as you were in the car and comfortable, you took a sip of the delicious Starbucks iced coffee you had been craving for days.

"Ugh," you moaned as the caramel flavoring filled your mouth, "I haven't tasted anything this delicious in such a long time." Joe just shook his head and chuckled at you. Once he backed out of the parking spot and got onto the highway, Joe reached over and gently placed his hand on your bump. He kept it there for the short drive to your brothers house. Your nerves grew the closer you got to the Hubbard's house, but Joe's touch brought you instant comfort. You were hopeful that today would be the day that Sam finally mans up and apologizes for his actions from the past month. Only time will tell if your hopes are true or not...

You let out a heavy sigh as soon as Joe pulled into the driveway of Sam's home. Joe must have noticed you growing tense because he moved his hand from the center of your tummy to your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Y/n, look at me." He said softly. You slowly turned your head to lock eyes with Joe. His blue eyes were soft as he looked at you. He squeezed your thigh reassuringly as he spoke, "Everything is going to be fine." You gulped nervously, "But what if it's not? I know we have to talk to Sam about everything at some point, but," you sigh softly, "what if it just makes things worse, Joe?"

Joe frowned. It broke his heart to see you worked up over this. Even though the majority of the problem is his best friend, he too can’t help but feel somewhat guilty. He was the one that put you in this situation in the first place…

“Then it gets worse and he never speaks to us again.”

“Joe!” You practically whined, “you think that makes me feel better!?” Joe’s frown deepened, “Well it’s the truth, Y/n. If it gets worse, and Sam can’t get over himself and his drama with us, then there’s a chance he won’t talk to us. Maybe not never again, but at least for a while.”

Your chin quivered as you pulled your lips into a thin line. Tears welled up in your eyes as you thought about the possibility of never speaking to your older brother again. You know Sam would never not speak to you ever again. You’re his baby sister, his built in best friend. He’ll get over it eventually for your sake. But there is a chance he’ll never speak to Joe ever again. Joe promised you he was staying around, no matter what. Which means Sam will have to deal with Joe being around when you’re around. He just needs to get over this.

Plus, even though you wanted the truth from Sam about why he made Joe break your heart in college, all you really wanted, was for things to go back to normal. Things to go back to the way they were between you and Sam before you told him you were knocked up by his best friend. You and Joe have no choice but to talk to Sam about everything today. As your thoughts ran wild, you pinched the bridge of your nose and let out a sniffle. Joe sighed softly as he unbuckled his seatbelt. He reached over the center console and did the same to yours. Once your seatbelt was undone he brought a hand up to your head, gently pulling you into his chest.

“It’ll be OK, sweetheart.” Joe soothed quietly as he cradled your head, “I promise.” You nodded against his chest and wiped the tears from your eyes before they could cascade down your cheeks. Joe kissed the top of your head before you pulled your head away from his chest. He moved his hand from the back of your head, tracing his fingertips over your jawline before letting his hand rest against your cheek. He smiled at you as he spoke softly, “You’ll always have me. No matter what.”

“Promise?” You sniff. Joe nodded, responding wholeheartedly, “I promise.” You nodded and gave him a small, teary eyed smile. Joe frowned and pulled you back into him. He rested his chin on the top of your head, keeping his hand placed against your cheek. Stroking your skin with his thumb as the two of you just sat there in silence. You and Joe were both preparing yourselves for what could happen once you enter the Hubbards home.

You pulled yourself away from Joe, giving yourself a couple minutes to settle your emotions and compose yourself before you and Joe got out of the car. Joe wrapped an arm around your waist as the two of you walked up to the door. He gave your waist a gentle squeeze as he smiled at you reassuringly. Joe took a deep breath before he balled his hand into a fist and brought up to knock on the front door. He gave two quick, hard knocks.

"I'll get it Em!" You heard heavy footsteps approach the door before it swung open, revealing a grinning Holly.

"Hi guys!" she exclaimed in her usual upbeat tone, "it's so good to see you." You smiled, "It's good to see you too."

Holly stepped to the side, letting you and Joe enter the house. She shut the door and pulled you into a tight hug, mindful of your growing belly.

"You look so good!" she beamed, pulling away from you and placing a manicured hand on the side of your bump, "How's the little guy?"

"He's good," you smiled, "I think I’ve been feeling little flutters all week for the first time. Joe’s just waiting for him to kick."

Holly smiled and scrunched her nose up as she pulled her hand away from your tummy. She ushered for you and Joe to follow her into the living room where the rest of the guests were. You felt Joe tense up beside you as the two of you followed Holly into the living room. You slowly brought your hand over to his, entwining your fingers together and giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Joe glanced down at you and gave you a small smile before he turned his attention to the group sitting around in the living room.

As the three of you walked in into the living room, you immediately locked eyes with your older brother. Your breath hitched in the back of your throat as you noticed Sam's eyes move between you and Joe, before trailing down to your prominent baby bump. Your bump has grown a lot since he last spoke to you. Emma, who was sitting next to Sam, was in deep conversation with Morgan when she noticed you enter the room. She shot up from the couch, eyes widening slightly as she looked between you and Joe.

"Y/n," she seemed almost shocked to see you. A large grin broke out on her face as she approached you. She wrapped her arms around you, the two of you hugging each other as much as your baby bumps would let you.

"it's so good to see you." she said as she pulled away. You nodded in agreement, "It's good to see you too, Em. I've missed you." She smiled sadly, "I know, me too." She shook the sad smile off of her face, letting out a breath as she gestured to your belly. "Look at you!" she gushed, "you look great." You smiled at your sister in law as you put your hands on your tummy. "Thank you." you gestured to her dress, "but so do you! That pink dress looks perfect on you."

Emma did a little twirl as she cradled her bump, "Thanks." She glanced over at Joe, greeting him quietly before she grabbed the gift bag he was holding. Emma walked over to a table that was set up in the living room, full of gifts wrapped in pink wrapping paper, and lots of diapers. You couldn't help but smile as you looked at the small diapers on the table. All you could think about as you gazed at them was that in just five months, you and J will be going through many of those with your baby boy.

Emma brought you out of your thoughts as she said, "You guys can sit down if you want." Joe nodded, thanking her quietly as the two of you walked further into the living room, greeting everyone before you sat down on the couch. You made sure to stay on the side opposite of where Sam sat. As you sat down next to Joe, you couldn’t help but glance at Sam. He was staring intently in the direction of you and Joe. His light colored eyes eventually looking into yours. You felt your heart sink as you made eye contact with your brother. You wished things weren’t so awkward. Sam used to be your best friend, but that’s clearly changed…

You gave Sam a small smile, deciding to just sweep things under the rug for now. You’d talk to him later. Sam returned the smile before he snapped his eyes back up to his wife, helping her sit back down on the couch. As a few more guests arrived, you and Joe sat on the couch and caught up with Morgan and Logan. They had just gotten back from a week long trip to their home state of Wyoming. It sounded like they had a great trip, which made you happy. You know how much Morgan loves it out west.

Once the baby shower eventually started, Emma thought it would be a good idea to take you and the other girls outside to sit on the patio and catch up a bit, before all of the baby shower activities kicked off. With some help off of the couch from Joe, you followed Emma, Holly, and Morgan into the kitchen. Upon entering the large kitchen, Emma walked over to the china hutch in the corner of the room and pulled out four wine glasses from the cabinet. She placed the glasses on the counter and Morgan poured in some sparkling Welches Rosé, the same kind you had at your gender reveal. You, Holly, and Morgan followed Emma out to the backyard. The four of you sitting at the table on the patio just a couple feet away from the sliding glass doors.

Once you were all sitting, Holly held up her glass of non-alcoholic Rosé. "I just want to make a quick little toast." The rest of you held your glasses up in a toast as Holly gave a little speech. "Today, we celebrate baby girl Hubbard and her beautiful mama. I hope you have the best day celebrating your daughter, Emma. She is going to be so lucky to have you as her mom." Holly finished with a smile.

"To Baby Hubbard!" Morgan cheered, clinking her glass against all of yours. "To Baby Hubbard!" you all cheered in unison. With wide grins on your faces, you each took a sip of your bubbly beverage.

It was so nice to be surrounded by your friends to get your mind off of the Sam drama for a while.

Some time had passed very quickly as you and the girls conversed, catching up with each other over anything that happened since your gender reveal. Morgan talked about her Wyoming vacation with Logan, Holly told you all about her workout program and plans to head home to Michigan for a few weeks, and Emma shared some updates on her pregnancy, excitedly telling all of you that her baby girl kicked for the first time about a week ago. Hearing Emma tell the story of her baby kicking made you even more excited for the moment you and Joe will get to feel your baby move for the first time.

"So what's new with you Y/n? How's baby boy doing?" Morgan asked, giving you a sweet smile. Emma's eyes widened at her questioned.

"You're having a boy?"

You didn't realize Emma didn't know that you and Joe are expecting a baby boy. If Emma doesn't know, that means that Sam definitely doesn't know. Which, you know makes total sense since neither of them went to your gender reveal. But you figured they'd hear the news from someone or somewhere else..

"Yeah," you smile, "I am." Emma nodded, beaming as she said, "That's amazing. I bet Joe's happy."

"He is," you nodded, heart swelling at the thought of the genuine joy Joe got every time he was around you and the baby, "he really is."

Emma's smile faded as it turned to a frown. She sighed softly, "Y/n, I am so sorry that Sam and I didn't go to your gender reveal. I know you must have been pretty upset with us for not going."

Your lips formed a straight line as you thought of how to respond. You weren't upset with Emma, but it's no secret you were upset with Sam.

"It's OK," you sighed softly, "I understand why you didn't go. I'm sure you know, but Sam didn't take the news very well. He and Joe got into it pretty well the night we broke the news to him. I don't think they've talked to each other since then. I know I haven't talked to him."

Emma nodded, "He was pretty upset. Not at you, but with the situation. It really hurt him that you snuck around with Joe behind his back."

Snuck around with Joe behind his back? It was a one time thing! You thought. It's not like you were secretly hooking up with Joe for months before you got pregnant. Besides, it's not really "sneaking around" when the two of you have known history with each other. Plus, Sam was the one that made Joe leave you behind in Ohio all those years ago and you didn't have single clue. If anyone was sneaking behind anyones back, it was Sam.

You couldn't help the scoff that escaped your lips at Emma's words. You rolled your eyes, "He's making such a big deal out of this. I can't believe him." you sighed, frowning slightly as you looked at Emma, "I'm sorry, I know he's your husband."

She shook her head, "Don't be sorry. He's your brother, Y/n. You're family, you have the right to be upset with him when he's acting like this."

You just added, staying silent for a few moments. You hated to pour all of this onto your friends, but you've had this anger with your brother pent up for a month now. You know you need to let it out, and even let them in on a few important details they don't know about.

Morgan reached out and placed a hand over yours, “You look like you just need a minute to let everything out.” You just nodded, causing her to gently squeeze your hand, “We’re all ears, Y/n.”

That’s all you needed to hear before you went on an angry rant. You told them all about Sam’s reaction and how you understood how he took the news, until he did a full 180 that same night. You told them that what was a somewhat calm discussion soon turned to a screaming match between Sam and Joe, resulting in Joe saying he loves you and Sam confessing to breaking the two of you up in college because of his own personal fears.

“You and Joe were together in college?” Holly asked, her jaw dropping in shock. You shrugged, “Sort of.”

You weren’t really with Joe, but the two of you definitely had a connection that was more than just friends.

“What do you mean sort of?” Morgan asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

You sighed softly as you crossed your arms over your chest, “We were never a couple, but he and I definitely had something together. We hid it from Sam and we always had to make sure he wasn’t around wherever Joe and I were together.”

“Sam never knew?” Emma asked.

“Well, we thought he didn’t know. He clearly found out somehow though because according to Joe, Sam was the one that made him break things off with me before Joe went to Louisiana. I was willing to make long distance work, but Joe left me behind.” You explained, feeling a heaviness in your chest as the old memories came flooding back to you.

Holly frowned, “Girl, I didn’t know about any of that. I’m sorry Joe did that to you.”

You shook your head, “It’s not his fault. My brother was the one that made him break my heart. I didn’t know,” you sighed, “I didn’t know it was Sam who told him to do that. I always thought Joe was just using me before he left for LSU, but the truth came out a few weeks ago. Joe never wanted to leave me.”

Morgan got up from her chair and walked over to you, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m so sorry all of this is happening right now. This can’t be easy on you.”

“It’s not,” you said, shaking your head, “but I have you girls and Joe to help me through it. Joe and I had our differences after our “break up”, but I think this baby has brought us even closer together.”

Holly smiled, “I’m glad. You two seem really happy together. Are you together now?”

That’s a tough question. You still aren’t really sure what you and Joe are right now.

“We’re not together, but we’ve shared some moments where it’s obvious we want to see where things go with each other. We said “I love you” the day of our gender reveal, and we’re living together now.”

Holly eyes widened and a huge grin broke out on her face, “Oh my gosh, Y/n!” You laughed, “What?” Holly reached out and grabbed your hands, giving them a squeeze as she said, “That’s so exciting! Have you guys talked about you know…maybe being together?”

You shook your head no.

“Don’t rush into anything,” Morgan advised, “but, I think you and Joe should give it a shot. You know, a second chance at a relationship since your first chance was ruined by your dumbass brother—sorry Emma.”

Emma chuckled, “Nope, don’t be sorry. I’m totally on Y/n’s side. Sam shouldn’t have done that to you or Joe.”

“I can kind of see where he’s coming from,” you reasoned, “but I’m still so pissed at him. With the Ohio State thing and how he reacted to the baby.”

“Have you talked to him about any of this? Maybe it’ll make things better if you talk it out with him.” Morgan said. You nodded, “Joe and I agreed that if the opportunity comes up today, we’ll talk to him about everything.”

“That’s good.” Holly said, letting go of your hands and getting up from her chair. She stood next to Morgan and leaned down to give you a hug, “well whatever happens, you know you’ve got us.”

You smiled, bringing your arms up to hug Holly, “Thank you.”

You girls spent a couple more minutes outside, with each girl giving you a hug and sharing their love and support for you and Joe. Eventually, the four of you went back inside to get back to the baby shower activities. As you walked back inside, you saw Joe standing in the kitchen and talking to the McPherson's. His head snapped over to the sliding glass door when he heard it open. A smile pulling at his pink lips as he saw you walk back into the house. Joe's eyes trailed down your body, taking in all of your features in the simple baby pink sundress adorning your body. You smiled back at Joe and walked up to him, greeting Gracie and Evan as you snaked an arm around Joe's waist.

Joe looked down at you. "Hey," he greeted quietly, doing the same with his arm, wrapping it securely around your waist. "You doing OK?" his soft tone was laced with concern. You looked up at Joe and nodded reassuringly, "Yeah, I'm good right now. I talked to the girls for a bit and that seemed to help. How about you?" He shrugged, "S' a little awkward, Sam's been avoiding me." You frowned as Joe sighed and continued speaking, "but I'm doing good."

Just as you were about to respond, Sam entered the kitchen. His eyes immediatly fell on you and Joe. Joe took his arm off of your waist and cleared his throat. The tension in the air was thick as the three of you stood in silence in the middle of the kitchen. You decided to break the silence, knowing it was best to greet Sam.

"Hi Sam." You greeted, your voice low. Sam gave you a quick nod as his lips formed into a tight smile. "Hey." was all he said before he put his hands in his pockets and walked away to find Emma. You and Joe watched as he walked off, Joe shaking his head in disbelief at your brother.

"It's fine," you breathed out, "if he doesn't want to talk, I won't force him." You pushed yourself off of the counter and turned to Joe, dramatically placing your hands on your hips as you said, "I'm done with the drama. It's had me stressed out for weeks and it's not good for the baby."

Joe nodded in agreement, "No, it's not. I'm willing to have a conversation if he is, but like you said, I'm not forcing anything."

It was good to hear that you and Joe were on the same page. As much as you both wanted to confront Sam, you weren't going to force a conversation with him and his drama. You needed to have a civilized conversation--not another screaming match. If the opportunity comes up today, you'll confront Sam. If it doesn't, then you'll wait. You don't need to stress yourself or your baby out anymore about the situation.

You filled up a cup with some pink lemonade and Joe grabbed a bottle of water before you both headed into the living room to join the rest of the guests--who were getting ready for Emma to open up her gifts. As you and Joe entered the living room, Holly and Joey made room for you and Joe next to them on the couch. You smiled warmly at Holly as you sat down on the couch, Joe sitting down next to you and letting out a soft sigh as he leaned back in the furniture. Joe set his water bottle on his thigh, holding onto the lid with one hand while bis free hand draped around the back of couch. He let his hand rest on your shoulder, making you smile at the feeling of his fingertips brushing against your exposed skin.

Once everyone was situated in the living room, Emma had begun to unwrap the gifts that were sitting on the table set up. Some of the gifts she had gotten were a couple super cute outfits from Morgan and Logan, along with a fluffy, pink baby blanket. Holly and Joey got bottles, a baby book, and a stuffed tiger lovey, while Zac and his wife Sarah pitched in and got the two a crib. Eventually, there were just a few more gifts left, all of them being from you and Joe. She opened the remainder of the gifts, gushing over how precious the outfits were that you got for your niece, and how the cute, pink swaddle blanket that Joe picked out would be perfect for the little girl. After putting all of the opened gifts on the table, Emma and Sam walked around and gave all of the guests hugs, thanking you all for coming and for going them all of the thoughtful gifts. Sam didn't acknowledge Joe much when it was your turn for hugs. He just gave Joe a simple nod and a "thank you". But to your surprise, Sam actually gave you a hug. You were taken aback when your older brother wrapped his arms around you, but you hugged back nonetheless. He thanked you for the gifts and told you he misses you. You just nodded and gave him a small smile in return, unsure of how to respond to him.

Sam misses you? It's his fault for not speaking to you for the last month, not yours. If he missed you, he could've reached out and sorted through his issues with you and Joe...

After your tense interaction with Sam, you and Joe headed to the dining room to get some food. Neither of you had anything to eat yet today, so you figured you'd get some food in your bellies in case you did end up talking to Sam at some point. You didn't want to risk saying something to Sam that you didn't mean to say due to your hanger. That being said, you and Joe stood by the table full of food, filling up your plates with food from the delicious trays full of assortments of food Emma and Sam made and bought for the occasion. As the two of you were standing together, enjoying your food, you looked throughout the room at the different crowds of people. You couldn't help but chuckled as your eyes fell on Emma, who was practically waddling as she headed to the bathroom.

You shook your head, "My best friend is a penguin." you said in amusement as you gestured toward Emma. Joe must have noticed her, because he too was chuckling. He looked down at you, "You're laughing now, but, that's going to be you someday soon." He smiled, resting a hand on your tummy. You smiled up at him, "And I can't wait for that day." Joe caressed your bump with his thumb, "Me neither." he mused.

You had yet to reach the moment in your pregnancy where your bump was big enough to the point where you were waddling more than you were walking. However, you couldn't wait to get to that part of your pregnancy. Because one you get to that point, it means that you'll be even closer to finally meeting your baby boy.

As you and Joe stood around and enjoyed your food together in each others company, you were approached my someone who you least expected to see.

"Hey Y/n."

You turned to your left, eyes widening slightly as you saw Sam approach you.

"Sam," you said, sounding slightly taken aback, "hi." Sam gave you a small smile as he put his hands in his pockets. He cleared his throat before he asked the question you've been wanting to ask him all day.

"Can we talk?"

You took a deep breath as you went outside with Sam. You followed him out onto the lawn, sitting down next to him on the cushioned bench that sat under the pergola lined with fairy lights. You leaned back against the cushion, placing your hands in your lap and looking off in the distance as Sam leaned forward in his seat, rubbing his hands together. He knew he had to talk to you, had to apologize to you for his actions--from both the past and present, but he had no clue how to start that conversation. He couldn't just say sorry, it wasn't that easy.

"So I heard you're having a boy." Sam said quietly, finally breaking the silence. You nodded, sucking in a breath as you said, "Yeah, found out a couple weeks ago."

Sam nodded as he leaned back. He glanced at you with a raised eyebrow, "You happy?" You nodded, a smile pulling at your lips as you spoke, "Yeah, I'm really happy." Sam smiled, his voice soft, "Good. I'm happy for you."

You didn't respond. You didn't know how to respond. Sam certainly didn't seem happy when you told him about the baby last month. The two of you sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, both of you thinking about what you were going to say to the other. As much as you wanted to rip him a new one, you knew you couldn't. even though you're extremely angry with Sam and his actions from the past and now, he's still your brother. You know you'll forgive him at some point, just like he'll forgive you, too.

Sam broke the silence once again, "Look y/n," he sighed softly, "there's a lot that I want to apologize for." He glanced over at you. You just nodded, letting him know you understood and that you wanted him to continue.

"I've been a jerk lately. I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did. I shouldn't have ignored you for the past month, and I certainly shouldn't have missed your gender reveal because I was upset about you hooking up with my best friend again." You scoffed amusingly at his words. Sam continued, "I know I've been a complete asshole, and I'm sorry. That baby is my nephew, not some random kid. I love him, just like I love you Y/n/n." He finished, smiling sincerely at you.

You took a moment to process his words before you cleared your throat and finally spoke. "I'm still upset with you, for more than just how you reacted to the baby news."

Sam's shoulders slouched as he sighed deeply. "I know." Was all he said as his voice grew quiet. You sucked in a breath as a small smile pulled at your lips, "but I love you too, Sammy." Sam smiled once again, pulling you into a tight hug. It made you happy knowing you were starting to finally resolve things between you, Joe, and Sam.

However, just as you thought things were starting to look on the bright side, the situation took a turn for the worse...

Sam pulled away from you, his tone serious as he looked at you with raised eyebrows, "but just because I'm apologizing to you, doesn't mean I'm OK with Joe." Your face turned to a look of disbelief as you pulled yourself away from him. "I still think he's going to leave you, Y/n. There is nothing tying him down to you."

You stood from the bench and crossed your arms over your chest. You couldn't believe you were having this conversation with Sam again.

"You can't be serious right now."

As you uttered those words, Joe had made his way out to the backyard to join you and Sam. He wanted to make sure that you were OK and that the conversation didn't go south. Boy did Joe arrive just in time...

"Everything OK?" he asked, walking up behind you and placing a hand on your shoulder.

"No"

"Yes."

Joe narrowed his eyes as you and Sam eyed each other. In that moment, Joe could tell the conversation had gone south, and that it was only going to get worse now that he had joined.

Joe walked past you and towards Sam, standing next to the bench that Sam was still sitting on. Joe crossed his arms and stared at Sam intensely as he spoke. "What's the problem?"

Sam shook his head, "I'm just trying to help my sister."

"Oh yeah? Like you did in college?"

Sam stood up, getting dangerously close to Joe. Both guys jaws clenched as they started at each other. You snuck past them and sat down the bench, letting out a defeated sigh as you prepared yourself for another screaming match. So much for a civil conversation amongst the three of you about the whole situation.

Sam crossed his arms, "I have no idea what you're talking about." Joe scoffed at his answer, "Bullshit. You were the one that confessed to being the reason I broke things off with Y/n before I left for LSU."

Sam nodded, "I was only looking out for both of you. Long distance wasn't going to work between the two of you, you knew that Joe. You could never make a relationship work in college, whether you were in the same state or not. Hell, while you were sneaking around with my sister I'm sure you had three other flings you felt the same way about. You never stick to one girl, Joe. You never have and you never will." He said, voice dripping with venom as he dug at Joe. Joe was absolutely fuming at Sam's accusations. Joe never made a relationship work in college because he only wanted to be with you. You were his only college fling—at both OSU and LSU. It always has been and always will be just you. But Sam can't seem to understand that.

"I loved Y/n, Sam. I still love her. I didn't want to break her heart like that, I wanted to make things work between us--long distance or not." Joe pointed at Sam's chest, "but you got in my head and insisted that I break things off with her because you hated the idea of your best friend and sister being together. You saw how things turned out between Nick and his best friends sister, so you just assumed Y/n and I would end up the same way they did." Joe looked like he wanted to sock Sam as he started going on a tangent about how your relationship is completely different than what Nick and Jenna's relationship was like.

Soon, the somewhat calm conversation has turned into raised voices and even more accusations being shared between the two of them. You could feel your heart racing as Joe and Sam let all of their pent up emotions out on each other. The bickering back and forth only got worse and even more relentless...

"I knew about the two of you the whole time you were sneaking around. My sister is too good for you, you arrogant son of a bitch."

"I don't care if you never speak to me again, I'm staying around for Y/n and our son."

"You snuck around behind my back and expected me to be OK with it?"

"You snuck around behind my back, Sam! You knew I loved Y/n and you didn't give a shit. You made me break her heart because you cared too much about yourself and your own insecurities."

"This baby deserves someone better than you, Joe. You're going to leave her and that kid behind Joe. You have absolutely nothing tying you down to her. You're not married, you're not dating, hell you're not even living together. You have absolutely nothing."

"Actually we are living together. Y/n moved in a couple weeks ago, and you'd know that if you weren't sulking over yourself and the problems you have with her and I."

The yelling only got worse. You were shocked nobody had a thrown a punch yet. As much as you hate to say it...it's good for the two of them to scream at each other. It's only going to get worse before it gets better. The screaming mean things at each other had to happen before a civilized conversation could be had between them. That's just how it works in a situation like this: a guy being with his best friends sister. Add an unplanned pregnancy into that and it's even more accurate. Deep down you know the two of them will talk it out someday, but for now, they'll stick with what they're doing.

As the arguing continued between Joe and Sam, you could feel your stress levels rising. You were extremely emotionally overwhelmed right now. It's not easy seeing your brother and the man you are in love with, fight like the way they are right now. The whole situation has been weighing pretty heavy on you for the last couple of weeks, causing large amounts of stress and nerves every time you thought about the whole situation. Your heart rate quickened and your blood pressure raised as you listened to the men argue. You leaned forward on the bench and rubbed your hands down your face in agony a few times before you couldn't take it anymore. You snapped your head up, your heart dropping to your stomach as you were beginning to feel different. Something inside of you just didn't feel right. You brushed it off as just being overwhelmed over Joe and Sam's arguing. You stood up from the bench and sighed deeply as you walked away from the scene in the backyard. Neither Sam nor Joe even realizing you had left the backyard, the two of them two engrossed in yelling at one another. You shut the sliding glass door and headed to the bathroom to compose yourself and try to get your heart to stop racing.

As you walked to the bathroom, you still felt off. Something just didn't feel right, and you had no idea what it could possibly be. Until you sat down on the toilet and pulled your light, lace panties down.

Your heart dropped to your stomach and your face grew pale. You let out a gasp as you saw it.

Drops of deep crimson on your light underwear were staring back at you.

You were bleeding. It wasn't a significant amount, but still enough to make your heart skip a beat and your mind immediately fill with worry. Your mind was racing as you reached for toilet paper, wiping yourself off and sure enough, there was a little blood on the toilet paper, too. Your hands were shaking as your thoughts ran wild.

What is happening?

Am I OK?

Is the baby OK?

You didn't know what to think, but you knew one thing was certain. You needed to go to the hospital, ASAP.

You pulled your underwear up and flushed the toilet, quickly and carefully washing your hands before you exited the bathroom and made your way back outside. Your whole body was shaking in fear, and your eyes were welling with tears. Joe and Sam's arguing had died down, but they seemed like they were still quite angry with one another.

"Joe," you called out shakily, your voice full of fear and uncertainty, 'I'm bleeding.”

hey loves!!

wow…a lot just happened in that chapter, huh? and it ended on a cliffhanger too!?

it was kind of all over the place sorry. i promise what happens in this chapter will lead somewhere

i told you this chapter was going to be drama filled and angsty. sam can’t seem to get over himself and now y/n is on her way to the hospital because of complications from all the stress the situation between sam and joe is causing her. this poor girl can’t seem to catch a break!

i promise it’ll start to get fluffier soon…but we have to get through some things first.

i hope you’re all doing well! as always, i appreciate all of the love and support you’ve shown me with this series. i’m extremely proud of it and makes me SO happy seeing all of you excited for more!!🥹🤍

tags: @dandelionwrites8 @joeburreauxsworld @theflawedwriter @mrsshiesty @ann288 @ijustcrypretty @theoneandonlyfanz @wickedfun9 @venus-b @hummusxx @stainednailpolishremover @a-moment-captured @alternativemadchen @erinmartin1987 @sirlewisworld @kkrenae @unhingedfangirl @sublimemusic-rebel @meameagirl @ilovejoeburroww @hallecarey1 @j-worlds-blog @blinkloverx3 @jordyn14 @kristencochefski1125 @ryiamarie @unsaidjaelinrose @sinners-98-world @ozwriterchick @hearts4papayas @emherb10

[gumnut-logic]

The Awards (Part 1)

This is @womble1 's fault :D Writing all that Sweetapple while I floundered around without a muse.

It's a new one. Not intended to be hugely long or anything, maybe two or three parts (since when have I had control of these things?) But it is Sweetapple and a scene requested by some of you who read the first Sweetapple Talk. So here you have it :D I hope it lives up to expectations.

This is m/m fic. If this isn't your thing, this isn't your fic. Alexander Sweetapple is an original character that was prompted by @flyboytracy , created by me, and then let loose in Thunderfam to evolve into who he is today through several different writers. I don't think Virgil minds, the two of them are a pair of lovey dovey goofballs and the majority of this series is them just being fluffy and goopy sweet :D Many thanks to all who have written, contributed and egged this series on, it wouldn't exist without you.

Many thanks to @onereyofstarlight for the read through this morning.

Anyway, bit of fic, first in ages.

I hope you enjoy.

-o-o-o-

“I still wish we could have flown in with the Tracys.”

His mother’s voice was wistful. It could have been interpreted as callous self-interest, but Alex knew better.

“Mum, Virgil apologised at least six times.”

She held up a hand. “I know, I know, and it’s not their fault.” She smiled softly. “I just know how much you were looking forward to this.”

He rolled his eyes as the city of Gisborne flashed past the car’s windows. The Tracys had sent them a chauffeured limousine, along with a security guard, currently staring at them cooly in the seat across from them.

She was an interesting choice. She appeared to have only half her hair and what was left was an assortment of colours enough to excite Erica. The tattoos and piercings…yeah, Iz and Erica would get on fine.

Yet again, he wished Erica was with him. But the venue was only so big and Alex’s mother was…his mother.

Erica and his sisters were watching the live stream apparently.

That didn’t make him nervous. No, not in the slightest.

There were going to be screenshots and clips galore in his future.

A touch to his cheek. “He’s going to be okay.”

Mum was looking up at him with a tenderness in her eyes.

“I know.”

Stupid volcano had to erupt today, didn’t it.

A sigh. The logic centre of his brain acknowledged that this was all part and parcel of dating a Thunderbird and that he would have to get used to it. It wasn’t Virgil’s fault that Sumatra needed him more than Alex did.

Way to compete with the rest of the world for your boyfriend’s attention.

Boyfriend.

Despite everything, the whole concept, as always, brought a smile to his face.

Virgil would be here as soon as he could.

And Alex would love whatever parts of Virgil the world could share with him.

“I’m okay.” He shared his smile with his mum.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

The car drew to a stop in a line of vehicles in front of the War Memorial Theatre. The structure, like everything in Gisborne, was showing the remains of repairs. Most of the glass had been replaced, but there was a section still boarded up on one side. But unlike the rest of the city, this piece had been turned into an artwork. It showed an artistic rendering of Gisborne’s skyline, and amongst the buildings flew Thunderbirds.

There were no words on the piece, but it screamed pride and gratitude.

God, he wished Virgil was here.

The car moved forward into a crowd of people. Reporters babbled and holocams hovered as if it was the Academy Awards or something. Police stood solidly, manning the barricade keeping the press back.

Alex swallowed. They weren’t here for him. The Prime Minister was attending. And so was International Rescue.

He was only Virgil’s boyfriend.

He swallowed again.

Social media was still buzzing about the kiss. It had died down, a lot, but chances were that these people knew who he was.

Kayo had warned him of this possibility. This was why Iz was with them in the car. She was part of Kayo’s team and Alex had no doubt she knew how to do her job.

She was almost as scary as Kayo herself.

When the car finally stopped, Iz held up her hand. “I will exit first. You are to follow when I say so.”

Alex’s eyes were a little wide, but he nodded. Yes, ma’am.

His mum squeezed his arm.

The door opened and noise rushed in along with flashing cameras and the buzz of holocams. Iz climbed out of the car fluidly, six inch heels and clinging black dress, no hindrance.

A moment later, her hand signalled that they follow.

Alex ushered his mother out of the car. She may have stepped out less smoothly than the security guard, but no less elegantly. She looked amazing in her deep burgundy evening dress. His mum had gone all out for tonight, hair curled, dress purchased, she even dragged out the necklace his dad had bought her for their last wedding anniversary.

Dad would have loved to see her like this.

As if thought could make reality, a large hand appeared just outside the door, offering to help his mother from car.

Alex blinked.

Frowned.

And, as he followed his mother out, realised that the hand belonged to none other than the tall and domineering figure of Mr Jeff Tracy. Dressed in an elegant silver suit, he was smiling down at Alex’s mother, grey eyes twinkling.

Alex’s eyes widened as the cameras and reporters went absolutely nuts.

“Mr Tracy! Are you dating again?”

“How long have you been together?!”

“Ma’am, how long have you known Jeff?”

Alex straightened his tuxedo, still standing on the gutter.

Mr Tracy was addressing the crowd, a suave smile on his face and Alex’s mother’s hand on his arm.

Okay.

Kayo appeared beside them in a short, satin green evening dress, her eyes all business and, no doubt, her six inch heels just as deadly. She stood next to Mr Jeff Tracy. A glance in Alex’s direction came with a small smile before she turned back to the paparazzi.

Iz touched his arm. “C’mon, let’s go inside.”

“But mum-“

“The Chief’s got this.” She looped her arm in his. “C’mon.”

He was walked up the red carpet before he could protest further.

It was quieter inside the foyer, but that was a relative statement. The hall was large, but very full of people, all dressed to the nines.

Iz’s eyes were everywhere and she did not leave his side, navigating him through the crowd.

Alex glanced back towards the entrance, still worried about him mum.

Consequently, when the roar outside swelled beyond human capability and into rocket territory, he was able to catch sight of the silver body of Thunderbird One, lit up by holocam lights, as she touched down on the street outside.

The crowd swarmed back towards the entrance, taking Alex and Iz with it.

But the Thunderbird was only on the street for bare moments before launching up into the sky and disappearing, leaving chaos in its wake.

Beside him, Iz swore under her breath. “The Chief’s going to kill them for that.”

The spark of hope that went beyond the innate thrill of seeing the primary Thunderbird swelled in Alex’s chest…and burst into flame as Virgil Tracy, dressed head to toe in an immaculate black-tie tuxedo, hurried into the building.

His suit cut a beautiful line on his fit frame and Alex couldn’t help but stare, open mouthed, as his boyfriend caught sight of him and strode over. “Alex! I am so sorry.”

Alex was still staring.

“Alex?”

Now Virgil was closer, and fiddling with his suit as if it wasn’t sitting correctly, Alex could see that it had been put on in a hurry. Virgil’s hair lacked its usual perfection, attended to, yes, but obviously rushed, and there was a smear of dirt on his ear.

Alex reached up and gently smudged it off with his thumb.

Virgil was staring up at him and frowning, his eyes darted to Iz. “Everything okay?”

A small smile forced its way onto Alex’s lips. “Yeah.” And as he was want to do after every rescue, he drew Virgil in for a hug. A whisper into his ear. “Thank you for coming.”

“Sorry I was late.” Virgil pulled away, still frowning. “Did I miss anything?”

Like a switch was flipped, Alex relaxed. “Oh, only our parents escorting each other on the red carpet.”

“What?”

Of course, that statement demanded the culprits make an immediate appearance. Alex’s mum and Mr Jeff Tracy appeared out of the crowd. Her arm was still linked in his and Alex eyed it suspiciously.

He wasn’t the only one. Mr Scott Tracy, equally dressed in a suit, hair perfect as always, and standing beside his father, was eyeing him with a raised eyebrow.

Jeff played it innocent. “What?”

His mother giggled.

She giggled.

Like a teenage girl on a bus.

Oh, god.

Fortunately or not, that was the moment the crowd began moving into the theatre. Virgil had a suspicious smile on his face, but that smile soon turned towards Alex as he offered him his arm.

Alex took it and all the advantage of pulling his boyfriend in close as they filed into the theatre.

-o-o-o-

TBC

[cherrylng]

Muse Interview - Matt Bellamy, Dom Howard, and Chris Wolstenholme [ROCKIN'ON (June 2001)]

Muse's explosive sound of philosophy, “Origin of Symmetry”

Interview: Erika Yamashita / Photo: Masakazu Yoshiba

There is no one who listens to this album and is not astonished. The long-awaited second album by Muse, Origin of Symmetry, is a real eye-opener. One reason for the surprise is that Muse has grown and developed beyond expectations in just a year and a half since their debut album. But another, and the biggest surprise, is the sheer preposterous scale and construction of this album. A concept born of an insatiable interest and passionate thirst for knowledge about what controls and drives the world, the universe and all things. The eleven tracks are assembled with an overwhelming sound. There are hysterical falsettos of lamenting vocals with bold shouts, abrasive and gritty rhythm sections galloping, bass lines dancing, imposing pianos echoing, and guitars making about three different instrumental sounds. The weepy, somewhat folk-like Muse verse is still there, but it's so grandly crafted that you forget about it. There are pushes and pulls, peaks and valleys within each song, and a steady flow throughout the album. Nobody makes an album like this nowadays. It's not at all like the “progressive rock” “co-concept albums” of the past, either. I'm asking you to listen to it, and to receive the almost obsessive feeling inside you. You can't be alone in your thoughts. So, while being swallowed up by the tremendous energy of this album, what remains at the end is somehow a liberating sense of exhilaration. I was amazed that they had managed to get so much out of the album without wasting any of it, and I found myself turning up the volume even more and more. While keeping their minds busy with philosophical ideas, they are different from the introspective and damp mainstream of today's young UK bands.

As this is the first time all three of them have appeared together in an interview, I asked them about their roles in the band: "Dom is the wood, Chris is the oil, and Matt is the spark" and "when the three of us get together we make a huge fire". They have been friends for more than 10 years since junior high school, and there is a chemistry between them that goes beyond that of bandmates. Chris is an early father but a hotshot, and Dom is apparently the wife at Matt's side [1]. The excessive life energy, unique thought process and unbridled creativity of Matt Bellamy is able to continue to flourish without breaking down, thanks to this line-up.

After the interview, I saw the band live at a university hall in Norwich. The performance, which included most of the new album and some of the first numbers, was so strong that it was hard to believe it had only been a week since the start of the tour. The band are extraordinary performers to begin with, but what makes Muse's stage presence shine today is something else than technical conviction. The expression that originally emanated from the enormous mental energy of Matt hits us as a “sound” with powerful physicality. It seems to be visible now. Muse? Well, they're good, but they're a bit…… Even those who had said that were holding their breath at their new live show, their mouths open, and before they knew it, they were transformed into a whirlpool of bodies. Their summer showcase gigs are something to look forward to. In the next issue of this magazine, Matt will talk about each song on the album in more detail!

“At the beginning we were worried, we didn't know what people would think. But now we know that if we play music that we feel is ‘the one’, a lot of people will like it.”

What are your own feelings about the new record, now that it's finally finished? Chris (C): 「Oh, it's good.」 Dominic (D): 「(laughs) Yeah. I think we're all happy with it. It's a very different sound from before and we're happy with our performance. We've tried to do a lot of different things on purpose. Like long numbers and songs without guitars.」 Matt (M): 「A lot of the songs are dynamic, like a combination of several songs. Well, about half of them are hard numbers that are more like our live performances, but the one with John Leckie is longer. I think the bass sound is more prominent this time, after all. The same goes for Dom's drums. I think they're much more pronounced this time than before. I think there's a good balance between the three of us.」 C: 「I think that, unlike before, we've worked on it a lot on tour.」

I think this is one of the biggest albums in recent years. It's a huge leap forward, and it's also full of the feeling that it was so much fun to create the sound in the studio. Everyone: 「(nods their heads vigorously)」 M: 「John Leckie is a guy who really likes to experiment with sound. You can hear all kinds of tinkering with sounds, especially in the songs he produced.」

From the sound of "Plug In Baby" I had a feeling that the sound would be sharper, more solid and more confident, and I was not disappointed. M: 「I think the mix of live instruments and various electronic sounds worked well. But the electronic parts are done on guitar. I had two guitars built that I designed myself. It's a heavy sound, like a synth.’ Plug In’ also has a synth-like sound in the background, but it's played on guitars. One of the guitars has a mess of microphones attached to it. It's a cyber guitar (laughs). You can play it on a plectrum, but if you hit a button or something, it makes a sound.」

You wouldn't break that, would you? M: 「Hahahaha. I won't break it, I promise.」

(laughs). It's a really remarkable improvement, but how is it different from the first album? M: 「The biggest difference is our attitude towards making music. We have confidence in what we're doing, and we're okay with putting it out there for all kinds of people. When we first started out, we were quite anxious and didn't know what people would think. But now we know that if we play the music we think is right, a lot of people will like it. Anyway, it's confidence in every sense of the word. I think we're more open as musicians and songwriters, and I think we've gone a lot deeper than we did on the first album.」

It has a very intricate and complex sound and song structure, was it a difficult record to make? M: 「Not really. For example, on the last album, there were quite a few songs that we recorded once and then re-recorded later and they turned out good, but this time I was satisfied with all the songs after just one recording.」 D: 「It wasn't hard to do. Even before we went into the studio, we knew exactly what we wanted to do.」 M: 「And we rehearsed a lot. We'd done a lot of touring on songs like "Plug In Baby", "New Born" and "Feeling Good", so recording them was a piece of cake, which meant we could spend more time on the other difficult songs. John Leckie came to Devon to watch us rehearse and we discussed which songs to record. We didn't want to waste time in the studio making decisions. So this year we spent three weeks at Real World Studios and a week and a half at Astoria, a floating studio on the Thames. That boat used to belong to Chaplin, and now it belongs to Pink Floyd. And then the last three weeks we went into Abbey Road Studios.」

So was this overwhelming finish something you had in mind from the start? M: 「No, it turned out very different to what I had in mind. I mean, it's hard to predict. Even if you have a direction at the beginning, it changes as the song progresses.」

What are the qualities and contributions of the two producers, Dave Bottrill and John Leckie? M: 「Generally, I don't like producers who meddle in the arrangements. John Leckie is one who never does that. He never tries to change anything, he just lets us do what we want to do. But Dave Bottrill had some input on the arrangements of "New Born" and "Plug In Baby". I never usually accept that, but his advice was very simple and excellent. He's probably the only producer I can trust to give me advice on arrangements. Apart from that, Bottrill is very good at capturing a live sound. So it was perfect for us right after the tour. John Leckie, on the other hand, has a lot of experience in doing a lot of different things. So we could experiment with him. I feel like I can trust his opinion that he's done it this way before, or that it could be better this way. In a nutshell, John Leckie's contribution is a great deal of experience and knowledge. Well, on the last album there was another voice, Paul Reeve, who was a big part of it, he was the engineer and almost co-producer, but I think the tone is more consistent this time. It's basically Leckie and me.」

Was there a particular recording session or song that left the biggest impression on you? M: 「"Megalomania" started out as a quiet song with acoustic guitar and a bit of percussion from Dom, but halfway through it turned into a song with a majestic church organ. Dom was playing very rock drums and Chris was playing a very heavy distorted bass sound, and there was a church organ sound on top of that. It's a powerful mix of very old and new sounds. It's all over the album. On "Screenagers", the bones sound like they're a hundred years old, and then all of a sudden you're surprised by the synth sounds. Almost every song changed a lot during the recording process. We came up with different arrangements and used new instruments. But in general, we made it with the intention of being able to reproduce it live.」 D: 「"Screenagers", by the way, that's a strange atmosphere……」 M: 「It was just the three of us and John Leckie in the studio, and we brought all sorts of stuff in there. Bones, animal claws…」 D: 「Llama toenails and stuff.」 M: 「The four of us would make all sorts of sounds with all these strange objects that we put around the room, and we'd record them first. Then we put the music on top of that in the same room.」

Where did you find all these ‘strange objects’? M: 「Oh, John Leckie has a lot of stuff (laughs). Dom's got a few of them, and I've got a friend who's got a few of those. Most of them are percussion kind of things. Like a bullroarer, a kalimba. Wind chimes and stuff like that. And what else……」 D: 「Bubble wrapping sheets [2]. Thin sticks that make a thunder-like sound. Um……」 M: 「It's a long tube (laughs). It was more to create an atmosphere than a musical instrument. What was it for, let's see…」 D: 「Well, it's more like creating a background.」 M: 「Well, at first I was trying to create a sound like a windy summer day. But then we started going in a weird, dark direction.」 D: 「It was about creating an image of the band being in this kind of place. Like on a porch, or on top of a hill. But it was like we were sitting by the fire. I think the sound of the bubble wrapping sheet is like the sound of sparks bursting out of a fire.」 M: 「If silence is a pure white canvas, this is like painting on a canvas that has something on it beforehand. It's like chaos theory or nonlinear mathematics. It's the initial conditions that make a big difference.」

……Yes. M: 「(laughs) How can fiddling with llama toenails be nonlinear mathematics?」

Anyway, it sounds like it was a fun recording session. D: 「It was very smooth and relaxed.」 M: 「Really? I was stressed all the time.」

Doesn't that mean that Dom is always the relaxed one and Matt is the stressed one? M: 「I think so. I was always worrying about this and that. I was worried and nervous and self-doubting. From start to finish (laughs). Once we'd finished making the album and started touring, that went away. Then little by little, I went into a stress cycle for the next album.」

"We know very little about music before the 90s. There were a lot of bands that made concept albums in the past, but I don't know anything about them."

Hahaha. I don't think there are any bands in the UK today that are willing to take on and stand up for these big themes and concepts. What do you think? M: 「In other words, it's about taking on the responsibility of what you say in your expression and music, right? I think so. Of course, there are lots and lots of bands out there, but amongst the rather well-known UK bands now, there are hardly any that I feel a connection with.」

So, not only is it a concept album that relies on a major theme, but it also has very progressive elements, including themes such as existence and the universe, but despite this it has a strong personality that is not anachronistic or retro. What do you think is the core of this individuality? M: 「Well. I guess we hardly know any music from before the 90s.」 C&D: 「Pfft (laughs).」 M: 「No, no, that's part of it…… There were a lot of bands that made concept albums in the past, but I don't know anything about them. John Leckie often talks about when he worked with Pink Floyd, and when I tell him I don't know any of the songs, he laughs really hard. He always finds it strange. He says we know very little about music that he thinks is compatible with us.」

What do you consider to be the main musical influences of this album? M: 「Yeah, we talked about it a bit the other day, but for me I can see where the influences are coming from. Half of what I listen to is old…… I mean, music from the end of the 19th and the first half of the 20th century, like Rachmaninoff, Debussy, and Chopin. I also listen to a lot of piano music. I've gotten a lot better as a pianist compared to last year. Until last year, I was just okay, and in the first album I could do very simple arpeggios. You know, like "Sunburn". But I practised a lot after that. I listened to and studied a lot of piano music. There is a pianist called Evgeny Kissin who plays very complex music, and I listened to a lot of that. I also listened to a lot of Daft Punk, Yell, the old Aphex Twin, and a little bit of rock, like NIN and Deftones. I think it came from being exposed to both very old music and modern music.」

Are you bored of the guitar? M: 「No, no, no, not at all. I just always wanted to be a very good pianist. It's a difficult instrument.」

You originally played jazz piano first, didn't you? When you were a child. M: 「Yes, but it's only in the last six months or so that I've really been able to play the way I want to play. So the piano isn't a big deal, I only use it on two songs or so. But I think it has a lot of influence on songwriting and arranging, because it's easier to come up with interesting chords when writing songs on the piano than on the guitar. But I prefer to play the guitar in live performances.」

You don't bring a grand piano on stage? M: 「No, no. I'll probably play the piano on one song, but it'll be a small electric piano. I love the grand piano, but only if I go that far (laughs).」

How about you two? What are the musical influences on this album? D: 「That's pretty much it. Rage Against The Machine, NIN, and Deftones are the only rock bands that all three of us listen to. There's something in their music that's different from other American bands.」 M: 「Chris's taste has changed the most so far. He used to be all about heavy music.」 C: 「Now I specialise in "Pet Sounds".」

(laughs). Now, about the title of the album, "Origin of Symmetry." M: 「……Is it really good?」 C: 「Hmm? (laughs)」 M: 「Hey, that doesn't look good. How does it feel? What do you think of this title? What do you think when you hear this phrase?」 C: 「Well…」 D: 「(lost in laughter)」 M: 「I hope it's a title that makes all sorts of people think about all sorts of things. It's something that each person can define in their own way. Even if I don't need to define it myself.」

Please give us your own definition as well. M: 「I think several themes will emerge throughout the album. It's…… Well, how should I put it (laughs)…… Well, first of all, it's about "Space Dementia". Futurism. That word could have been the title of the album. Futurism has nothing to do with the history of art, it's just a kind of idea, but I've recently learned that there's a word for personal fulfilment and the meaning of life being available later on, not now. But in any case, I think it would be a mistake to base the meaning of your life on the knowledge you've acquired so far. I think you should always be open to new ideas. And what "Space Dementia" is talking about is the feeling you get when you realise that we are really, really alone in this universe. Also, it's still about atheism and things like that. Not believing in God, and how to deal with that. Some of the songs really speak directly to God - or at least to God, if there is a God. Why are we here, what is the reason for our existence, and what is the reason for God's existence? Those things pop up every now and then (laughs).」

Why are you so obsessed with religion? Did you used to believe in God overwhelmingly? M: 「No, I think it is difficult to believe in God in today's world. Any religion is a stage in the evolution of a particular nation or civilisation, and now that there is such a global connection, no religion is good enough to be applicable to the whole. So I think that by searching for something that works for the whole planet, maybe we can become one. I think that what we call human consciousness - consciousness - has existed since the beginning of the universe when it exploded. The universe started with ten dimensional space, which was divided into two smaller spaces by the explosion, one of which is the four dimensional space in which we live. And consciousness is the evolution of the so-called material elements to a higher state. I think that in the beginning, the universe was fully conscious. The smallest of these was the atomic nucleus, from which electrons were eventually created, and then atoms, which are a higher level of consciousness, and then groups of atoms create the elements…… and so on, and as the degrees of consciousness increase and the individual things merge, they eventually become one complete consciousness. And eventually the aggregation of the elements made the stars. I think the stars have consciousness and the universe is trying to form a higher dimensional order. All the elements that make up the earth and our physical bodies were once part of a single celestial body. Billions of years ago, it was split into several celestial systems by a supernova. So there was once a time when we were consciously one. Now I think we're struggling to reconstitute it somehow, to get back to our original state. We're trying to reconnect with every single person on the planet and with the universe. That's what I sing about on the album (laughs).[3]」

That was a very obvious answer…… Where did you come up with these themes? M: 「I've always wanted to know about that kind of thing, so I've been doing a lot of research. I feel satisfied and happy when I am researching and searching for something. So my research has shifted from religion to science. But I still don't know if what I just said is really 100% correct (laughs). Anyway, I've been reading a lot of books on philosophy of science.」

Does that come from resistance to the fear, for example, that humanity is infinitely lonely and that there is nothing in a human lifetime that we can believe in? M: 「Yes, that's the struggle. That feeling of loneliness and fear is the negative side of my thinking, whereas the positive side of my thinking is that we are all united on a cosmic level and are somehow moving towards a higher order. But what really frightens me is that the universe is in fact on the verge of decay and death. There are signs that what was once perfect is gradually cooling down as it splits into smaller and smaller pieces. It's called entropy, and it means that the universe will eventually die. This is a frightening thought, because it means that there is no positive reason for being alive. But, you know, that's a negative way of thinking, and there are positive ways of thinking too. The universe, which used to be dead, is becoming more and more vibrant, and different species are emerging. If the temperature of the universe keeps dropping, somewhere you get to the point where life can occur, and right now life is occurring everywhere in the universe, and it may be about to form something completely different from what we have seen before. The songs on this album go back and forth between these two ideas of negative and positive, and hopefully I want to be on the positive side (laughs).」

Is "Plug In Baby" actually a song about that? The NME live review said that the lyrics were "like virtual sex", which made me laugh a little. M: 「Hahaha. That was, well, high energy and a bit …… It might not be easy to get into from the line I just mentioned (laughs). I think it can be read in a lot of different ways. I wrote those lyrics a long time ago, and I can't remember exactly what I was thinking at the time. But in the overall context of the album, it's like I'm singing to a human being who was once thought of as a god, saying I've exposed your lies, that I've seen what's underneath but it's no big surprise, that now is the time for a change, that it's time to cleanse everything away and forget your love. Maybe it's time to abandon the old God and celebrate the latest science and technology, or something like that…… Maybe, like that. Haha.[4]」

Do both Dom and Chris share Matt's developing themes about science and existence? Or is it more a case of leaving it to the megalomaniacal lyricists and not revealing anything? Everyone: 「Pfft, wahahahaha.」 D: 「No, I'm really interested in this stuff too. But Matt reads a lot more mathematical books than I do.」 M: 「We talk about a lot of stuff. I sat down with Chris to talk about the lyrics for this album, and we talked about what we were singing about. But I always tell Dom what books I'm reading and what I'm thinking about. It's not like, "Let's discuss this song" or anything like that (laughs). I think everyone talks about these things in their own way. Some people don't need that many words to express an idea. Some people can sum it up in just one sentence. It just takes me about an hour to say that (laughs)…… Well, I could explain that this song is about my girlfriend and how I was recently dumped, but that wouldn't be funny, would it?」

(laughs). M: 「No, I might get dumped soon.[5]」 D&C: 「Hahahaha……」 M: 「I'm doing this because I think I can explain what is influencing me on a deeper level and making me write music. And I think there are many explanations for one thing. I never know which one is the purely correct explanation.」

The majestic number "Megalomania" at the end of the album was tentatively titled "Paradise" or "Multiple." Is it an inside joke to end the album with a song called Megalomania, which means delusion of grandeur? M: 「……Yes.」

In other words? M: 「Hahaha, well, I mean, it's a really grandiose, almost obsessive obsession to find out the identity of the one who controls everything.」

That's what you have inside you. M: 「To find God. Yeah.」

"When I was 16 or 18, what I wanted to do didn't mesh with anyone around me. My way of doing everything was extreme and insane. I always want to go as far as I can. That's life for me, otherwise what's the point?"

You said you've always thought about the purpose of life and the meaning of existence, when was the first time you thought about that? M: 「Every moment of my life, all the time…… My first memory of my life is a smell. Maybe when I was one or two. The smell of cough medicine spilling on my clothes. But now I think about it, there was me smelling it and there was me looking at it from across the room. I think my whole life has been like that. I think I've been like that my whole life… me looking out from the inside, and me looking at myself from outside, from a distance. Haha…… Any memory I have, there are always two perspectives like that, at the same time.」

You seem mature for your age in terms of what you're thinking and what you're trying to deal with in your music, but do you ever find that you don't talk to young people your own age? M: 「Oh, that. That happens sometimes. I mean, earlier, when I was 16-18, I was very much like that. What I wanted to do didn't really mesh with anyone around me. My way of doing everything was extreme and insane. I always want to go as far as I can. That's life for me, otherwise there's no point. It's a waste of time. But now, I think it's good to talk to other people of my generation. When you talk to people who went to university, they've done so many different things, and there's so much to talk about, it's interesting.」

Do you think there are more or less generational interests and sensitivities, although expressed in different ways? Do you think that themes like the "meaning of existence" that you discuss, which are philosophical and may be considered difficult, resonate with people? M: 「Yes, I think so. When I talk to people I know, I think we're all thinking about the same things. The environment in which we live, the global environment, the relationship between Western society and the third world, and so on. I think overall people are thinking more globally than they used to. ……Probably. Maybe not (laughs).」

Dom has been smiling and listening to what Matt has to say since a while ago, what does he mean to you? D: 「I think he's totally what he says he is. He's constantly raising questions about the world, about people, about society, and this is also like he says himself, sometimes he splits up inside himself without coming to a conclusion.」 M: 「"Origin of Symmetry" is about somehow finding the common thread that runs through all people. And it's hidden in the deepest place, and for me it's music. That's the source of my harmony. Hehehehe.」

So you're saying that music is the anchor that keeps you from constantly treating the world from a split perspective, for better or worse? M: 「Oh, yeah…… Yeah (laughs).」

There are even people who sing songs about the meaning of existence, about emptiness, or about not falling into emptiness, against the walls of their bedrooms. Have you always felt that such a way of expression was not enough for you? If you want to express yourself, it has to be in what could be called "excessive". M: 「Yes. I've thought about it a lot so far, but there are quite a lot of people who don't want to show their inner selves to the fullest. I don't know why. I'm not afraid or ashamed of what's inside me. But I also don't know why I am the way I am. Why do I want to express everything inside and outside of myself so much…… Hehehe……」

What I feel throughout the album here is that the music is like reaching out from the darkness towards a ray of light. D: 「It's good, that’s how it feels.」 M: 「Because I think the darkest moments in life are the moments when you find something truly meaningful.」

I see. I once asked you what hope means to you, do you remember? You said your definition of hope was "a small light above your head at the bottom of a deep, dark well". M: 「Hehehe…… I think so.」

Well, the tour has finally started. Do you feel that with this magnificent new album, Muse have entered a whole new chapter? M: 「Yeah, yeah. I feel that way lately. Everything is progressing at a good pace. Unlike last time, the artwork is progressing well. We're going to use several artists' interpretations of the phrase “seeking harmony in chaos”. One of them will be used as the front cover, and each page will be decorated with a different picture. Each one looks completely different, some artists draw pictures, some sculptures, and some internet art. They are all very good, and I think you can find something in common through all of them. I think it's the same with the songs on the album. I'm trying to find a balance amongst all the noise. I'm trying to find harmony and reason in the seemingly chaotic. I want life to be like that for me. It can be explained in many ways, but there is definitely something at the core. We humans are all like that after all, so I think we should think more about that kind of thing that we all share.」

By the way, there were some people who said that the original cover of "Plug In Baby" was "bad" and "I don't like it" (laughs), so a different design was used for the Japanese version, but what was the mindset behind the design of the cover? M: 「Aliens are something that people came up with when they wanted to escape from loneliness and thought that they exist somewhere in the universe, right? And, this is completely unrelated to this story, haha, but there's another background to it. I had a series of hallucinatory dreams for a while. It sounds like a bad thing to say, but…… When I was in America, I was drinking a lot every night and I always had a headache during the day. I didn't mean to drink that much, but at one point, when I woke up every morning, I thought that I had the same strange dream. I was in a desert-like place where the ground was dry and cracked, the sky was blue and the sun was so bright, and the horizon was so flat and endless that there was no way to escape. There I'm being chased by sharp blades and I'm desperately trying to escape. There are many, many blades flying around in the air, and I try to run and avoid getting hit, but sometimes I get hit. And they pierced me. BBut they didn't cut my body, they just went into a certain part of my brain. Every morning when I wake up, that spot hurts. I can still tell that this spot hurt. And I started to get really worried. I thought there must be something wrong with me.」

In the brain? M: 「Yes. (laughs) Or maybe not…… I saw a film called Communion, which is a very good film, and it was based on a novel, and it was basically about people who were abducted by aliens. It's about how people create that experience within themselves. Especially during creative brainstorming. The film is about a writer who, while writing a new book, falls into a slump and can't write anything. He gets abducted by aliens, but it's actually all in his imagination. But he wakes up every morning with a severe pain in one spot on his head. The alien comes with a sharp blade and drills a hole in his head. It's different from my hallucination I had, but I felt like there was something in common. So the alien picture on the cover was partly influenced by that film. And the contents of the album are also somehow connected. But I think my headache was just because I was dehydrated (laughs). And it went away when I started drinking water.」

Right. But what do you do? What if you were actually being abducted by aliens every night? M: 「Eh…… Heeheeheehee.」

Translator's Note: So many things to say.

[1] Every time I question how and when Belldom came into existence, wondering if this was just something that early Muse fans cooked up for fun, I get reminded that the dynamics of their friendship was already THAT obvious early on and it was even noticed by the Japanese journalists who have interviewed them.

[2] The word that was actually written was puchi-puchi (ぷちぷち) wrapping sheet. If you know what popping bubble wrap sounds like, then that’s what was described.

[3] I’m impressed that the journalist managed to understand the whole thing that Matt was rambling on about to keep up with him, on top of the translator who later had to translate the transcript from English to Japanese. Kudos to them, honestly.

[4] Yes, that is literally Matt describing “Plug In Baby”… word-to-word from the actual lyrics itself. I just edited the part to make sure that it does read as close to the lyrics as possible.

[5] I’ve checked on Musewiki, and I think this Rockin’On interview might be the earliest mention of Matt talking about his and Tanya’s relationship breaking down. Especially given that the interview occurred in early April, right before their live gig at University of East Anglia in Norwich (April 9th, 2001) that the journalist attended as well. So it’s a period of time where they were already separated, but you can see that Matt was going through a hard time accepting it.

That's all to say. Please do support me with my Ko-fi! ☕

[dragonrider9905]

What Tooka You So Long?

Happy birthday @imabeautifulbutterfly!!! I hope it is filled with many blessings and much happiness! It’s been so wonderful chatting with you and reading your stories. I’ve been a fan for so long ;D I hope you accept and like this little gift I have for you :) ❤️🤗

Also @clonexreaderbingo this fits for my square “alone”!

Bending over flimsi for long periods of time is not advisable. Fox would know this.

Not just from the bothersome brothers who are medics, like Kix, telling him to stop and take care of himself, but also from experience. Currently, he’s been bent over the same piece of flimsi for three hours alone. How long he’d been sitting there for the entire stack on his desk….he didn’t know. From the tension and ache in his back and shoulders, he had a pretty good idea.

….he hated to think about how long he’d been sitting there for all the paperwork he ever did….

…And how much more would he have to do for the rest of his life?!…..

Suddenly, a tooka jumped him from out of nowhere!

Breaking not only his musings but…

Spilling his precious, delicious, delectable piece of crap, no excuse for good quality, absolute awful caff all over his desk….and flimsi.

Fox’s heart sank. It was due tomorrow…

With a heavy sigh he stood up, bones popping and muscles protesting.

Ah great.

There was a krink in his neck too.

Now his paperwork was all messed up AND he was sore. He quickly cleaned up the mess with some rags he had around the office. He’d forgotten why they were there but he used them anyway. If he didn’t remember, then it wasn’t important.

With another sigh, he looked down at the little, adorable intruder currently purring against him. Secretly, Fox had a soft spot for these incredibly cute, fuzzy creatures, (he didn’t let it out lest he’d never hear the end of it) but not today.

Scooping up the tiny culprit, Fox headed out the door with his third sigh that minute. In one hand, he held the empty mug, in the other, the tiny fur ball increasingly becoming attached to him, not only purring but wrapping its tiny paws contently around his arm and hand.

He didn’t know where the little guy came from…it isn’t like they were allowed in the building or were easily let in. Someone must have smuggled him in.

“Whatcha got there, hey Commander?” Hound teased.

Fox’s unamused scowl would have been enough for most, but not his brothers. “Not caff, that’s what.”

Fox trotted on past the sound of Hound laughing behind him.

He growled and hefted the animal to a more comfortable position in the crook of his arm. He made his way through the halls, to where he didn’t know. He supposed he was just going to let it outside when he heard a woman call out. He saw your face light up at the sight of him holding the kitten and ran towards him.

“Ohhhhh, you found her! Thank you! I’m so sorry if she bothered you or got in your way!”

You took her from his arms, holding her up to look her in the face with an angry pout.

“Naughty girl, Zula. No running off.”

Fox tilted his head. He knew you; you were the psychiatrist for the Coruscant Guard. He liked you because you always treated them all like people and not headcases. It also didn’t hurt that he found you rather pleasing to look at. Which was a secret he kept next to his love for tookas. He’d been wanting to meet you for some time. He never had time to make his appointments with you but that freed up time for his other brothers to go. He didn’t have the guts to go up to you in person so deep down, the curse of this morning was secretly turning out to be a blessing. He liked Zula a lot better now than five minutes ago.

Now he just had to figure out what to say…

You looked up at the clone blinking blankly at you. He hadn’t said a word yet. You knew about the stoic Commander—you’d heard lots of stories about him but never met him in person yet. He refused to show up to his appointments with you. You didn’t know if it was an insecurity of his to talk about his problems or if he had a problem with you specifically. Either way, this was the first time you were ever encountering him.

“I’m so sorry. She helps my patients relax, but she’s not totally trained yet and this is the second time she’s snuck out. It only takes her one second.” You sighed. “Let me please get you something for your troubles…”

You noticed the empty caff mug, realizing what probably happened. “Oh no, let me get you a refill…I hope she didn’t ruin anything.”

“No problem ma’am. There is no need. Glad to be of assistance.”

Fox tilted his head but kept his stoic face plastered in stone.

“I can get you a refill real quick! I have my own machine…”

“It is alright. I, uh, don’t need any more for today. Don’t let her get away again though. But if she does, let me know and I’ll track her down for you.”

He inwardly cringed at how demanding he sounded, the slight growl he worked to perfection coming forward. Instead of being taken aback, you smiled, charmed.

“Sure thing, Commander. Thank you. And thank you for your offer. It was great to finally meet you. I hope I’ll be seeing you around?”

“Definitely, ma’am.” Fox titled his head respectfully again. “Have a good day.”

With that, Fox headed back to his office.

“You too, Commander! If you change your mind about the caff, I have a whole bunch, more than what is good for me so feel free to stop in!” You called after him cheerily.

Fox half turned to grace you with a small smile before turning away so you wouldn’t see him turning as red as his armor. There was no way you meant that to be friendly…probably one of your mind tricks to get him to show up for an appointment…but would that really be so bad? Fox ran over the encounter in his head again. It was so brief but his head was whirling.

If she does, let me know and I’ll track her down for you?! Really, Fox? Couldn’t think of anything better? That was real smooth…not.

He scolded himself. He knew you worked in separate worlds, but he hoped your paths would cross again, not in a professional setting that is. He found himself elated in the fact his grumpy exterior didn’t scare you away. A small smile tugged at his lips.

Kriff, why leave it to fate? Why not just set it up himself? He could do that. He was Commander for goodness sakes! And by setting it up himself, he didn’t mean to become your patient. There were other ways.

Double kriff! He didn’t ask you for your comm number!

Ugh, today was not his day.

But the tooka did wander into his room before…perhaps it would again?

Fox left the door open, hoping the mischievous tooka would find its way back to him.

— — —

Quinlan Vos’s debriefings had got to be one of the most interesting ways to debrief a debriefing. Fox rubbed his temples and headed back to his office. He liked the jedi. He was efficient and got the job done…but sometimes he was just…so….much. Goodness gracious he was glad to have him on his side but serving with him on the next mission would be…interesting. If the last mission was anything to go by, the next pile of flimsi was going to be six inches high again.

Fox might as well say goodbye to sleep for the next week right now.

He quickly shut the door behind him and leaned against it.

Fox took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. Shutting his eyes, he leaned his head back. He never allowed himself many breaks, but this would be an exception. He needed a moment.

Rubbing his eyes, a pleasant smell wafted into his space. One that he knew well. Man, Fox must be tired because he swore the scent of caf invaded his nostrils. He never refilled his caf, and if he did, it would be cold by now…no, this was warm and steaming and waaaay more rich than the swill he was used to.

Slowly, as if in a dream, he walked toward his desk, and sure enough in the center was a steaming mug of his favorite beverage. The container was unfamiliar to him so he stared at it blankly for two whole minutes wondering who left their caf on his desk. What they wanted and why they didn’t wait for him to come back or perhaps how they got in in the first place. His office was secured…

Then he noticed the little scribbled note beside it.

It was for him!

Enjoy on me! I know you said it wasn’t necessary but I wanted to do something for you. Sorry about the spill. Hope you like it! Thanks for being a hero. Zula is such a troublemaker; she needs rescuing every once and a while and I’m grateful to know that when she goes missing, I can rely on you.

The writing was yours. Of course he’d know your script anywhere—you wouldn’t have needed to sign it but he loved that you did.

Perhaps today wasn’t a total failure then. Unbeknownst to him, a small smile crept up the corners of his lips and stayed there for the rest of his shift.

— — —

A few days later, little Zula did indeed find her way back to Fox’s office. The tooka’s visits became sporadic and he worried the troublemaker would find a new favorite place. So, he started leaving little treats to lure the creature back to his office consistently just so he could return her to you. His plan worked rather well. Every day at noon, Zula would slip out of your office and find him. It was perfect because you both had lunch at noon, and not only would you not be interrupted but Fox could spare a full fifteen minutes to talk to you if he wanted. You would offer him caff most of the time, and it was heavenly. He tried not to accept it all the time so he wasn’t taking advantage of your generosity (let’s not discuss the flow chart he kept in his office of the days he accepted and didn’t just to be sure). You always smiled brightly handing him the cup, and Fox never ceased at the joy you received from giving.

He just wondered how long it would be until you’d tire of it…

— — —

Of course, you were well aware that was what he was doing. At first it was a pleasant surprise, but when you noticed a pattern of not only Fox showing up every day with your pet, but that she was leaving at the same time everyday….mouth slightly wet with saliva or covered with crumbs…..you knew. And you weren’t complaining.

You just played along with it for as long as you could. You figured you could only play dumb so long. Then again, he probably knew you were playing. Man was an investigator! Why he continued the little charade, you didn’t know. But you were fond of your guess and didn’t want to let it go. As long as there was no definitive answer, you could dream away.

You knew it wasn’t advisable; games of the heart weren’t safe to play.

But here you were. Looking forward to every visit he paid you and hoping it wouldn’t be the last. You actually got him to laugh last time. Actually laugh! You’d gotten him to chuckle on a regular basis, which you delighted in, but something rang different seeing the stoic man break down, holding his gut while tears fell from his eyes as his voice echoed in joyous waves. To be honest, you can’t even remember what you said, but you’d never forget that moment.

You stirred your caf dreamily, eyes far off and smile bright. You didn’t even notice Fox approach you.

“Hello? Tooka got your tongue?”

You looked up sharply to find Fox in front of you yet again, holding your ‘runaway’ pet. You smiled.

“Oh no, I was just thinking. Hello Commander Fox.”

Fox was glad he was wearing his helmet. The only other thing that made him blush more than his full title was when you just said his name. It felt so personal…he felt seen.

Here comes that unfamiliar feeling again. The only one he got when he was around you.

“What brings you here today? Other than the naughty girl,” you side eyed the playful creature purring against the red armor happily, “did you have any more crazy missions to report? One of the other legions playing pranks against the Guard today?” you chuckled.

“No…not today,” Fox chuckled back shyly, “there was actually something else,” he coughed, “something else I wanted to tell you…ask you!” he quickly corrected.

Grinning to the side stupidly, you encouraged him on, “Alright, go ahead.”

He let out a breath and swung his arms. “Okay.”

Seeing Fox so nervous was just too cute. You tried not to laugh and mess him up but your giddiness inside was trying desperately to make its way past your smile.

“OOOOkkkaaayy. Okay.”

“Okay,” you repeated, biting your lip. “Right.”

“No,” he looked down with a breathy laugh, “not that…”

“Then what is it?”

“I just…really need to tell you. I like you. A lot. Would you consider going out with me?”

You chuckled. “You have no idea how long I’ve ‘considered’ it. Yes!!!! What took you so long to ask?”

Something warm and unfamiliar bloomed in Fox’s chest. He didn’t know quite what it was, but that was one investigation he was looking forward to. Deep inside, something broke.

It wasn’t something he needed anyway.

It was only the feeling he was meant to be alone.

Replaced with a feeling of belonging and love.

[terror-billie]

Glimmers in the Penumbra

I assembled this zine to collect drabbles written for my D&D group, and I'm sharing it with you all today.

This is for you, @tofucasserole , @varethinsilico , @nautilusopus , @rosemochi , and @fury-brand

Special thanks to @fury-brand for drawing the illustrations used in this zine and for buying my drabble commission slots on behalf of the group. She has made a lot of really cool art for our group and for her character Dia especially, so you should check it out if you like this!

This was a really fun project. It was great to play in the 100 word limit with different styles and character voices to make something tailored for each character.

I assembled this zine so that I could make a special and unique home for all of the pieces together. It was put together in Scribus, a free and open source layout tool.

If you enjoyed this zine, please consider a donation to Crips for eSims for Gaza or at Gaza Funds.

Full Text Transcript Below the Cut

Full Text Transcript

Glimmers in the Penumbra A Tabletop Roleplay OC Drabble Collection

--

Embodied

The snow feels wrong. It mushes against the strange pliant dough stretched across her soles, shoots her through with a kind of pain she's never felt before. It bites, metallic, as though she can feel the pinprick of each shard of each snow flake. The air, too, grips her. All of this, wrong. Never before had the winds caused her pain, nor had snow felt anything but pleasant on even her tenderest scales. Winter has abandoned her. It was in her very weft and now all she has is this naked pink putty. No way for a dragon to live.

Dia Istehar

[Includes an illustration of Dia holding herself in a gust of snow and wind.]

--

L’Enfer

Fire's heat. Warms, tickles, crisps. Pleasure becomes pain. Sears, destroys, consumes. Ashes to ashes.

Vous qui entrez, abandonnez toute espérance.

No way to snuff a forest fire once it's caught hot and tall, naught but to let the blaze run out. A heart is like that. A little fire you can throw water over, but the burn in him grows fast. All you can do is get out the way.

Watch for smoke.

What's a flame want? Nothing but to burn. Bright and hot, alive until it's out. Doesn't care what's burning, where or how. But a man's heart? Well.

L’Enfer - The Inferno Vous qui entrez, abandonnez toute espérance. - Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Ozias DeVir

[Includes an illustration of Ozias lighting a cigarette.]

--

Song of the Princess

She is come from a castle in a far away land, from a lineage ruling for generations.

Hath traveled the lands in great odyssey, and suffered many a hardship and poverty.

O Princess, Sweetest Briar with thorns sharp, stand strong against despair. Nobility is not in gold but in heart and deed and bearing. Retain thy grace and thy dignity. Fear not the dark and the wicked, for thou art puissant. Magic courseth through thy veins as fish in a stream.

Know that one day thou wilt reclaim thy birthright. So sayeth this poem, written in serenade of a princess.

Briar Allaire

[Includes an illustration of Briar, regal in a crown.]

--

Idle Musing

Life should be fun. Things would be far too boring without a bit of mischief to keep it interesting, ya know? Just a dash like spice in the stew. Nothing serious, maybe swipe a shiny here or snack there.

Things can change pretty fast out on the road though. It gets scary out there, with monsters and bad guys. Sometimes I think I should have just stayed home.

But hey, one minute you're strumming along up and down the strings of a bouzouki, tickling the melody to and fro, and bam! Out comes the zouka. Didn't expect that, didja spookies?

Kaapro

[Includes an illustration of Kaapro, a Kenku, smiling and playing a bouzouki.]

--

Sacrament

"Go and sin no more."

The other man, the one on the other side of the wooden screen, knows what a joke it is. He says it anyway, and manages not to laugh. It's procedure after all.

A rosary and an extra Our Father. A man's life snuffed out, his blood on the stone, and all Lucere needs to do is mumble some words.

Done in God's name, isn't it a Holy act?

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Deliverance won't come, but so too will he sin again. He always has and always will.

Lucere Crough

[Includes an illustration of Lucere holding a rosary in his hand, covering half of his face.]

--

Just World Fallacy

Let us consider the situation rationally. Which situation is more likely?

The first, that I was conceived by two emotionally stunted people unprepared for the maturity, care, and mundane sacrifices of parenthood? That I lived at the whims of a man who took out rage and fear on his vulnerable son? That my mother could bring me into the world but shrink my existence so small in her heart that she could ignore it? That suffering is largely beyond our control and the world is fundamentally unfair?

Or that I am unloveable and it's my fault?

The answer is obvious.

Pinion Andolus

[Includes an illustration of Pinion where you cannot see his face, gazing at unbalanced scales.]

--

Knight in Shining Armor

My face mirrored in a gleaming scale. I chased it like the glint of oasis after days walking parched sands. Was it a mirage? I follow its path and come no closer, but the image does not fade. Still there, out of reach, ever on the horizon.

What is she really like? I've imagined her on the highest pedestal, with every sublime virtue, and in the deepest depravity, with every foul cruelty. Perhaps she is simply a well-meaning fool, doing her best.

Do I truly want to know? Would the mirage dissolve, and would that be for good or ill?

Okaara Justa

[Includes an illustration of Okaara, a half-orc, gazing at her own reflection in a piece of plate armor.]

--

寝袋詰め 心の準備 と出かける

「一緒に」

romaji reading: shurafuzume kokoro no junbi to dekakeru

「issho ni」

The bedrolls are wrapped. Ready for what awaits them, the party sets forth.

[Together]

[No illustration]

[softshuji]

Hanma has thought about it many times and yet it still comes as a surprise when you do ask him.

He can tell there's something on your mind, a question, a thought that you're mulling over, and it makes sense that all his statements ar met with a disinterested "mhm" when he slides his arms around you at the end of the day. But honestly, this many years later, he's still a little baffled by you, the things you say, clever things and not, thoughts and musings that he finds he still likes to hear even now. He likes hearing you talk and it had surprised him at first, how much he wanted to hear your voice, even when you had such little to say.

But he finds that sometimes, days like today, he's doing most of the talking and it's clear you're tired, worn out, stressed perhaps, in a way he knows you're usually pretty good at dealing with. He likes it, how much he can look after you even though you'll never ask- because you don't want him to feel like it's owed, like it's transactional. But yes, to some extent, it does bother him when he walks in and finds you quiet, a discarded coffee cup on the table that's evidence of the only thing you've had all day.

He doesn't believe he's any good at fixing it, but you know better. It's not an overstatement to say he's better than good at fixing your moods, that a single statement, quip made playfully, has whatever negativity you might be feeling slipping through your skin.

It's dangerous and you hate it.

'What are you thinkin' Sweetheart?' he says this time, the Tv remote slipping off the bed and hitting the floor with a thud, left on the carpet while some shitty romcom plays as background noise.

'Mhm? Oh, nothing really.' You wave a hand and tighten your arms around him, your cheek pressed flat to the apex of his chest, absently watching the movie as the drone of the tv zips by your ears.

'Go on, tell me Pretty Girl.' And he bends to kiss your hair, his hand squeezing at your hip where your tshirt has ridden up.

'Fine but don't make fun of me okay?'

'I won't. Cross my heart and hope to d-'

'Don't finish that sentence.'

He laughs, and it's with mirth as he plants another kiss on your cheek, a gentle and firm tug that has you pressed closer still, his breath now fanning over your nose. 'Go on Sweetheart.'

You chew your lip and pick up his hand, turning it over in yours this way and that. You've never not marvelled at how they feel in yours, callouses and rough patches of skin that you've traced with your own painted nails, the black ink of sin that you lift to your mouth to kiss reverently, before smoothing over his knuckles with your lips.

'Do you ever think about...well- like- running away?' You say, your hand holding his your cheek, rubbing it against the rough pads of his fingers as his thumb brushes your lips.

He frowns and pauses. 'Running away? How do you mean Princess?'

'You know like- leaving gangs and all that. Just going somewhere a bit safer y'know, somewhere I don't have to worry so much.'

There's a beat as the thought churns in his mind, a palpable silence as he mulls over the idea, hopeless as it is. But he won't tell you that. He doesn't like the idea of letting you down, disappointing you, hurting you in any way, breaking the veil of your hard won happiness that he knows he shatters every morning when he leaves, you in the doorway waving him off as if it doesn't break you at the thought it could be the last time.

'Mhm, honestly Princess, where would we go? There's no leaving this kind of life- even if we wanted to. There's nowhere we wouldn't be found.'

'You really think so?' you say then, your cheek coming up to brush at his exposed collarbones, the tv's blue light casting a soft glow over the smooth planes of his chest.

'I do. Besides, we like this life right? We have a lot of money and fun.'

'Yeah, I guess you're right. I just think about it sometimes. Y'know, a long extended holiday in the Bahamas kinda thing.'

He raises an eyebrow here, a slow and calculated smirk tugging at his lips still pressed to your hair. 'Oh? That where you wanna go?'

You give him a pointed look, dropping his hand to your lap where you lace it with your own on top of the duvet. 'It would be nice- a mini getaway, nice weather and food and just the two of us.'

'Mhm, it would, but you know what would make it even better?' he says, the very unsubtle smirk now creeping onto his lips in full force, a firm tug that has you now straddling his lap, your hands braced on his chest.

'Hm?'

He airily waves his hand, punishment that then grabs your thigh to pull you against him. 'You and me and loads of sex-'

'Shuji?!' And you slap a hand on his mouth, smiling still despite it all, the inevitability of it, the concept of him walking out into the world again tomorrow morning, leaving you here with a kiss to your mouth- and another because you like it and him to an extent that you can't speak about - that still hurts and heals at the same time.

He laughs again and your heart is a dangerous drum against your ribs when he lifts your chin to peck at your lips, a kiss to each cheek, to your forehead that has tears pricking unwillingly at the unconventional softness and tenderness of him that never feels like anything but safety, like anything but warmth.

'Okay loads of sex then- but what do you think? It's not too farfetched is it?' you say, running a hand down his chest in the way he likes - in the way you know he likes.

'mhm, we'll think about it, how's that Sweetheart? A trip to the Bahamas for my pretty girl.' He grips you from the back then, thumbs pressing into the indent of you, hands that find purchase so easily between the grooves of your muscles as if you were made for him.

Maybe because you are, maybe because you were. And maybe for once you don't feel ashamed for asking. And maybe because of him, to need and be needed, is okay.

i love him so much im cry every day bye

reblogs appreciated

[jackfrombaskinrobbins]

baking contest w/ the avengers!!

type of writing: headcanons / scenario

word count: 1k

request: yes / no

original request: OMG CAN U PLS DO THE AVENGERS IF THEY HAD LIKE A COOKING OR BAKING CONTEST?

dynamic: avengers x teen!reader (teenage avenger series)

characters: reader, scott lang, nick fury, clint barton, harley keener, peter parker, miles morales, tony stark, pietro maximoff etc

a/n: HECK YEAH I CAN!!!! i loved this idea sm i was so excited to get this request :D i'm getting back into writing so sorry if it's a lil bad lol. also guys i'm gonna open requests again so feel free to submit!! i have a lot of muse for spiderverse stuff atm hehe so i may post again today!! tysm, hope u enjoy!!!

taglist: @shefollowedthestars @thecloudedmind @ayohitmanddaeng

(fill out this form to be on my taglist!)

-----------------------✰----------------------

so there’s this thing that the avengers do

in order to do team bonding

they’ll assign partners in the beginning of the year

& each month, a new set of partners will choose something to do

and it’s always super fun

like that’s how u ended up at the trampoline park last month

& how scott ended up with a broken arm rip king

so this month had to be something a little less dangerous

kinda funny when u think about it like it’s literally the avengers they’re in dangerous situations all the time

and while you wanted to do something different, certain ~forces~ kept preventing that

like y’all were watching a movie a couple weeks ago

and fury came on the screen 

how he could hack into it idk hes nick fury dude he can do anything

but he just looked at the camera and said “no more dumbass trampoline parks”

HAH

so yeah it had to be something tame 

anyway so this month was you and scott!!!!

best duo ever!!!!!!

so you had to plan what to do

& scott refused to go skydiving bc that was your first choice

smh scott it would be so fun!!!!

his arm was still broken & he said that was why he wouldn’t go but like…. scott we know ur a scaredy-cat

anyway you were trying to decide when suddenly he was like

“y/n!!!! i totally forgot! the great british baking show just premiered and i promised clint we could watch it together!”

and that gave you an idea

scott LOVED it

but y’all needed a couple things before 

first of all, u needed baking supplies

when i say baking supplies i mean BAKING SUPPLIES

there’s like a thousand avengers at this point bruh :’)

scott almost got one of those instacart orders for it but u hated the thought of an instacart person getting ur crazy order

so it was store time :D 

let’s just say tony’s credit card was used very well that day 😛

then it was time to pick teams

not everyone had to participate

wanda said she wanted in

so pietro joined too which was slightly concerning

the man literally burnt a bowl of cereal once

and ur probably thinking “how—”

EXACTLY

only you and harley saw it and honestly it rendered u both speechless

tony joined too

but you and scott made sure he knew that there could be NO robots 

vision asked to be a judge

scott said “vis, we really appreciate that but… uh… don’t you like not eat?”

“ah! you are correct, scott. i do not consume food in the traditional way. however, given my vast knowledge & global database, i do believe that i would be a very good judge of presentation and overall ingredient chemistry.”

“alright, you do that buddy!”

also off topic but why do i just know that tony would give vision the nickname “chat gpt”

 sorry i had to get that out ANYWAYY

you got a few more people to participate 

sam and bucky wanted to be a team, and harley peter & miles wanted to be a team too

yknow what that was fine by you

so the day came.

you had turned one of the empty conference rooms into a crazy kitchen setup

thx party city for the confetti & balloons!!! ;)

in came your loyal hosts, scott & clint

(clint begged you and scott to let him host, he kept using a british accent until you said yes & just trust me it was good that he finally stopped)

you, natasha, and vision were the taste & presentation judges

you surveyed scott’s & your work, pretty proud of how it turned out

“ALRIGHTY THEN, READY, SET, OFF THE BLIMEY!!”

vision shot you a quizzical look, but you just shook your head.

scott & clint rly were a…. hosting duo

yep, the most… hosting duo of all time

the hostiest hosters to ever host

omg the funniest thing was that they kept eating the cookie dough from harley peter & miles’ station

they literally had to push them away

peter & miles webbed their hands shut HAHA

everyone else seemed to be doing pretty well though

aside from their usual arguing, bucky & sam seemed to actually be making something good

wanda was perfect as per usual

and pietro was zipping around the kitchen, causing tony’s flour to rise up in his face

steve came over, blowing a whistle and pointed at pietro

you and scott had enlisted him to be the referee

yes, cooking shows don’t normally have referees, but think abt the ppl we’re dealing with here 😀

anyways finally time was up!!!

but you and scott still had a trick up your sleeves.

“and now presenting our special guest judge… GIVE IT UP FOR NICK FURY!!”

yes that’s right, he had said yes to this

after you promised to finish a mission report for him

and bought him some new eyepatches

which was why he was wearing a navy blue one complete with rhinestones

pietro was up first, and he placed four slices of chocolate cake in front of all the judges.

“i gotta say p, this actually looks really good!” you spoke, and he beamed.

natasha didn’t look so sure

“as y/n says, it does look alright on the outside. however, it does seem like there’s some sort of… strange ingredient in the chemical makeup… i am going to analyze for a moment.” said vision

“aw, let’s just eat the damn thing already!” fury spoke, and so you all did.

“mm, it’s good!!” you said, and natasha nodded in agreement.

but did not have the same reaction. 

he had stopped chewing, and his eye had narrowed. he was giving pietro a death stare.

“uhm… fury? what is … jolly wrong with you?” scott asked, his british accent wavering.

“yeah… guv’nr?” said clint.

“who the hell puts hot sauce in a damn chocolate cake. you better start runnin’ maximoff, because i’m comin’ for you!!” fury spoke, getting progressively louder.

“that one was supposed to be for y/n- i mean vision! yeah! oops. um…” pietro spoke, before disappearing from the room in a quick streak.

after that, fury left.��

and that's why now cooking/baking competitions are banned on the premises of SHIELD!!

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