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munsonluhvr · 1 year ago

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MATCHMAKER, MATCHMAKER (DAY #3: LOVE LETTER EVENT)

contents: steve harrington x reader. nsfw! At a matchmaking event in Hawkins, you and Steve are introduced to each other for the first time and let's just say - the sparks fly. for clarification, steve is about 27, 28. word count - 2.3k

notes: welcome to day 3 of the love letter event; i hope you all have enjoyed it so far! i dont even care if this fic is hasty in the plot, i love a good hook up with stranger!steve. point blank period.

love letter event masterlist

“Could this get any worse?” A blonde girl with a name tag that reads ‘Anna’ says, shaking her head as her eyes scan the room. “I thought we would be meeting real men not these boys.”

You can’t help but laugh, feeling pleased that other’s feel similar to you. You’re at the first matchmaking event in Hawkins, standing in the gymnasium at Hawkins High School as you mingle with the opposite sex in hopes of finding a potential partner. However, the selection was less then subpar, and you were debating going home.

“I couldn’t agree with you more, the concept sounded a lot better when I saw the flyer, now I’m wondering what I’m doing here.” You respond to ‘Anna.’ The girl sighs in response, swirling the wine in her glass, her bracelets clinking together. A beat later, Anna speaks up again. “Happy Valentine’s Day to us, I guess.”

Your eyes look around, seeing the large group of people that mingle about the room. Cutout hearts made from red and pink construction paper are taped to the walls, adding color to the bland gymnasium. Many tall, standalone tables are scattered around the room, covered in tablecloths, host Valentine’s decorations in the middle of the tabletop, chocolate Hershey kisses scattered around. It looks like a high school dance.

There must be a hundred people that attend the matchmaking event, you had overheard the hosts of the event that it was a bigger turnout then they initially expected; an even fifty men and fifty women. When you saw the flyer for the event when you walked out of Melvald’s General Store, you thought it would be interesting, something to get you out of your comfort zone and meeting people. An event created just for young adults to meet each other, spark conversation, and foster romantic connections; what could be better? Though, now you stand in the gymnasium, watching poorly dressed men, men who couldn’t even make eye contact, exert larger than life egos and flaunting how they’ll ‘get lucky’ tonight. It didn’t help that you got all dressed up, spent close to an hour picking out the right outfit, applying your makeup flawlessly, styling your hair just right. It was a bummer; the night had had so much potential.

There wasn’t a single cute guy you saw at the event, and you had really tried to be open minded too. You let men sweet talk you, let them think you would give them a chance, but none of them peaked your interest, none made you curious. That is until Steve.

You are about to throw in the towel, standing against the wall with several women who were feeling identical to your feelings, but something tells you to give it one more go. “Wish me luck,” you whisper to Anna, pushing yourself off the wall. Anna offers you a sympathetic smile, lifting her glass towards you. You spy an empty table, deciding to park yourself there and allow anyone to approach you. You wobble in your high heels, the color of them pink to make your outfit cute and colorful, but you confidently stride over to the empty table that is at the other side of them room.

Once you reach the table, you take a sip of your wine, letting the liquid trickle down your throat. You wish you drank more when you walked into the event, it would have made the experience so much more tolerable.

You play nonchalant, casually resting on the tabletop. Instantly, Steve Harrington is captured by your presence as he notices you from the across the room. He notices you’re all alone and he is quick to get to you before anyone else. Steve rounds behind you, stepping off to the side to announce his presence to you. “What is a beauty like you standing all alone over here?”

You smile, a hot flush washing over your body. Not only is this man that stands in front of you the most attractive man at the event, he’s also the most attractive man you’ve seen in your entire life. “Waiting for a guy like you to come talk to me.” You say, a playful smile lingering on your mouth.

Steve laughs, running a hand through his hair. “Well, I’m glad I came over here then. You’re y/n?” Steve says, squinting to look at your small nametag. You nod, mimicking his glance, you squint and get a look at his nametag. “And you’re Steve?” Steve leans towards the tabletop, nodding. “Steve Harrington. Also known as your next boyfriend.”

You raise your eyebrows, amused by his answer. There was something that was different then the other guys you have met so far. He’s seemingly got an edge to him, something that makes you curious and want to get to know him. It also doesn’t hurt that he’s incredibly attractive, a sweet twinkle in his chocolate brown eyes. “Is that so?” you say, tilting your head to the side.

Steve nods, taking a sip of his wine. “If you let me.”

You smile, feeling a blush creep across your cheeks. You laugh softly, shaking your head. You like that he’s confident, playful, but not arrogant. “You’re just cute enough that I might let you.” You say, placing your glass on the table beside you. You decide in this moment that you’d let this ‘Steve Harrington’ ruin your life.

Steve smiles, amusement playing across his face. Steve is slightly mad at himself as he lets his eyes graze over your body. Steve had come to the matchmaking event to find a partner, a girlfriend, it was time for him to settle down. He had left his playboy habits in the past, trying to mature over the several years he has been single, but Steve can’t help but let thoughts of bending you over enter his mind; it’s hasty, Steve knows that.

“Is that so?” Steve says, mimicking you. You smile, laughing lightly. You nod; giving it up easily was not part of your plan for tonight but as the minutes pass by with Steve in your presence, your plans change quickly. “Met anybody tonight that peaked your interest?” Steve asks, looking past you to the crowd that continues to mingle behind you.

“Just you,” you say, biting your lip.

“Ah,” Steve says, putting his attention back onto you. “So, there’s a chance I could ask you to dinner and you’d say yes?”

You shrug. “There’s a possibility.”

Steve continues to be amused by you, shaking his head. “Is there a chance I could drive you home before anyone else approaches you and takes away the small possibility I have?”

You laugh. You had already been ready to leave and you were grateful that you didn’t have to take the bus back home. “Certainly.”

After retrieving yours and Steve’s coats, you take a walk across the parking lot, instantly greeted by the brisk, February air. You close your coat across your body, attempting to conserve any body heat. Steve walks beside you, ushering your body across the parking lot to his station wagon. Once you approach the car, Steve walks you to the passenger seat but he pauses.

Steve gives you a look, one that you received many times from men. His eyes exhibit hunger, a deep interest in getting to know you beneath your clothes. You debate it in your mind, though you already know you’re going decide. Should you ignore Steve’s inviting look, only accepting his proposal to drive you home? Where’s the fun in that? Sure, it’s a bit crazy to hook up with someone after you met him only a short while ago. It is Valentine’s day after all, love is indeed in the air.

You let Steve grab ahold of your hips, his mouth finding yours with ease. Upon contact, you taste the light flavor of the wine they severed inside at the event, his tongue swiping across the bottom of your lip. It has been so long since you’ve been touched, your body instantly obliges by making your cunt slick with arousal. Steve leans you up against the side of his car, his body pressing against yours. His strong hands cup your face, your arms wrapped around his middle, as you help bring your two bodies together. There is a sense of urgency in his movements, his fingers tremble with anticipation.

Maneuvering around your body, Steve pulls open the door to the backseat of his station wagon, gently pulling you to the side to encourage you to get in. You break your mouth from his, backing yourself into the backseat of his car. Your heart pounds against your chest, the anticipation beginning to take a toll on you. Steve climbs into the car after you, letting his body hover over yours. Leaning back slightly, Steve pulls the car door shut, and begins to pull his jacket off, tossing it into the front seat. You follow, your fingers fumbling as you unzip the side of your dress, shrugging it off your body. You’re left in your undergarments, watching Steve as he strips his clothes of piece by piece.

Once Steve’s shirt is off, exposing his bare chest, which your hands immediately explore, and he’s shrugged his pants off, leaving him in his boxers, you lean back on the seats, parting your legs. Steve positions himself over you, letting his mouth re-connect with yours. “You’re so beautiful,” Steve mumbles against your lips, his fingers toying with the straps of your bra, gently pulling each strap down. You hook your fingers into your panties, pulling them off swiftly. Your fingers move quickly to the band of Steve’s boxers, working to pull them off too. At the same time, Steve continues to work at pulling your bra down, pulling it further down your torso, exposing your nipples. Steve breaks his mouth from yours once more, planting kisses from your jaw, down your throat, to your chest. Cupping your breast with one hand, maneuvering your breast into his mouth, his tongue brushing across your nipple. Upon contact, your head throws back, your fingers moving from his boxers into his lush hair.

Steve can’t take the anticipation any longer, reaching down his body to shrug his boxers off. Before you have any time to process, Steve pushes himself into you, your legs tightening around his waist. You gasp, your hands gripping Steve’s biceps. Steve moves inside of you at an even pace, beginning to stroke your sensitive spot, encouraging your eyes to roll into the back of your head. You whimper, his large size asking your cunt to accept his size, though you had never delt with anyone quite as large as Steve.

Your grip around Steve’s bicep tightens, his cock stretching you out. With each stroke, you feel Steve immerse himself deeply in you, small grunts escaping his mouth. You moan softly, against Steve’s skin, as he buries his face into the crook of your neck, placing kisses in between grunts. Though it’s freezing outside, cold breezes finding its way into the car, the heat from yours and Steve’s bodies makes the inside of the car hot, fog beginning to form on the windows. The pleasure courses through your body, you reach up in response, your fingers brushing the cold glass of the windows. As Steve moves between your thighs, your legs part, your leg resting against the front seats of the car. “Fuck, Steve.” You whisper, your back arching against his movements. Steve’s name feels foreign rolling off your tongue, though you feel as if you could get used to saying it on a regular basis.

Steve can barely contain himself as he ruts into you, taking glances at your face which enamors him. Steve has known you for a short while, in reality – less than half an hour, and Steve hopes he gets to know you mor just beyond sex in the back of his car, but at this moment, Steve has never experienced a cunt that wrapped so tightly around him. Steve leans up off your body, lifting your legs so he’s cradling your legs against him, as he strokes into you. He gazes down at you, watching your eyes flutter shut, your lips part, soft moans escaping your lips, your breasts bouncing rhythmically. Underneath the two of you, Steve’s vehicle rocks, reminding Steve that you are in a public place, and that your activities go unnoticed.

Steve shortens his strokes, his breath becoming ragged as he begins to get closer to finishing. Your body craves him more, your skin tingling under his touch, as your core begins to tighten in your lower abdomen. You whine softly, the pressure building inside of you by the second. Steve’s slow movements aren’t curing your need for him, lifting your hips you grind against him, making up for his slow movements. Steve moves his hands down, his fingers locking around your hip bones, pulling your bottom into him. Steve groans, his eyes fluttering shut, his eyebrows knitting together, as he feels you move against him, at your own temp. And it feels heavenly to him, curing his intense lust for you. Without warning, Steve finishes deep into you, one last moan escaping his throat.

At the same time, your body tenses, an orgasm ricocheting through you. Your legs twinge, shaking around his body. You slump against the seat, your hair sticking to your sweaty forehead. You’re breathless, your chest rising and falling, as Steve removes himself from inside you. Steve inhales several times, attempting to regain his breath. “Wow,” is all Steve says, his limbs loose and weak, as he leans against the car door.

You sit up, noticing the handprint you had made on the window, the bottom of the handprint dripping down, similar to the horror movies. You smile softly; the sex had been that good.

“Can I still take you home and out for dinner later this week?” Steve says, pulling his clothes back onto him. You smile again, looking towards Steve. “Definitely, I’d love that.”

#stranger things fanfiction #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you #steve harrington smut #steve harrington stranger things #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem

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psychabolition · 3 months ago

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Hi. I was the person who sent the ask about what needs to be done instead of psychiatry. I only just read your response now. In the time between sending the ask and now I’ve done a lot more research into anti-psychiatry and psych abolition. I understand how it’s an oppressive system and how it harms people. I agree with the need to dismantle it. But as soon as I read the response to my ask I broke down crying.

You talk about the importance of community. Or being able to rely on friends in times of crisis rather than therapists and psychiatrists. I have no community. No friends. I used to think I was okay with that. But I guess I was lying to myself. I am considered distasteful to be around. Scratch that, I actively make myself distasteful to be around. Because then I can at least expect people to inevitably hate me rather than have high expectations and be let down every single time. I’m desperately waiting for my therapy appointment in two days. I know I need someone better. Someone who I can actually tell that I cut myself a couple days ago without them deciding that I need everything I love taken away from me for who knows how long. But I fear I will never have someone better. I fear that even my therapist only tolerates talking to me because they’re paid to tolerate it.

You post about the importance of community if we are to break free from oppressive systems. How do we build that community? How?

Hey !! Thank you for your ask !

I totally understand you . Like I literally know exactly what thats like , trust me.

Ik that "community" is such a vague word that it almost sounds meaningless . Like wtf is that? In my opinion most people just have work colleagues or school mates or other students in their lectures and then go home to a nuclear family or to their partner - this is not "living in community" 💀💀💀. Most people dont live in community, our society (at least western societies like in europe - idk about others) is so fucking alienating . Any emotional connection is replaced w a hierarchy - teacher, prof, therapist, the nuclear family , your boss at work, even intimate relationships with a partner are like that in our patriarchal society . And then the people who you are on the same page as, youre pit against them - you need to be better than your work colleagues to get that promotion or at least so you dont get fired, you need to be able to pass that test alone in university/school otherwise you fall behind your peers or are literally excluded from visiting school/uni , a lot of friendships between women (or FLINTA* to be more accurate) fall apart because of cis men ... FUCK this society .

And then theres those of us that dont fit into this bullshit society. I dont care for a career in a job that will definitely bore me to death or overwork me till suicide and I have 0 interest in creating my own nuclear family after all the awful bullshit Ive had to endure because of the one I was born into. Like these are the 2 life options for us . Of course I was suicidal all the time as a teenager😭I couldnt imagine a future in a world where these are the only options in life !!!! Why are so many people NOT insane ? Who actually likes living this way ????? And if we cant or dont want to submit to "career via education and/or nuclear family" we're worth nothing in this society . We're ostracized ,isolated, stigmatized .

What Im dealing w right now is also connected to all that . the nuclear family that I grew up in wants to stop supporting me financially bc I dont submit to societal expectations of career and education .💀 a lot of my friends are also struggling w literally paying rent bc their parents randomly stopped giving them money for similiar reasons, its awful . This is why the nuclear family is the opposite of community to me. I'd do anything for my friends so they dont go homeless or without food or without support no matter their life choices and especially if they struggle I want to be there for them MORE not less .FUCK our parents fuck the nuclear family . They all slowly start to cut us off and make our lives hell because they dont fucking care about us and they never did .

Anyway . You dont have to built a new community obviously. So the question you need to ask yourself is - where does community still/already exist in your area ? Especially for those of us who deviate A LOT from social norms and "normal" life experiences . I can only talk about myself - Ive found solace in Subcultures that are from and for people who deviate extremely from social norms. Ive linked another ask that Ive answered where I listed all the subcultures that Ive somehow somewhen have heard people around me be a part of. Ik that it can also be very hard to get to be a part of those subcultures if youre not used to being around people (especially groups) but literally . Just keep trying, any subculture thats made up out of outcasts is very welcoming and very accepting. Also usually (at least in my experience) the subcultures are all conntected which is really cool because once you know people from one community you start to know a lot of people from other communities too ! It can still take time though . For me it only took 1 good friendship to a person whos in a subculture in my city to get to know many other people who are all actually part of a real community.

If you have a political subject that youre passionate about like anti psych or abolishing prisons or if there are other subjects that are important to you (animal liberation, youth liberation, climate crisis, queerfeminism , ... ?) I highly recommend a political group as a way to find community and to get into the subcultures in your area . You'll finally stop feeling powerless against oppressive institutions if you manage to actually change something through activism . Any and all activism also connects you a lot to the place that youre living in and the people with similiar struggles around you. Go to Antifa or communists - they have open meetings for newcomers all the time . Or try to join any other subculture - read the ask that I linked !! If youre queer for example thats awesome - go to a queer event Now . Being queer has always had so much culture, so much community .

Also trust me youre not awful to be around . You'll realize that youre actually cool to be around when you spend time w your friends and they appreciate you . and youll also stop having thoughts and fears about not being able to trust them or about them judging you or about how it must be awful to spend time with you (or whatever else you might think) when you have fun spending time together and you regularly see each other and you value each others time. You just havent met your people yet. Dont worry , you will.

#ask #anti psych #anti psychiatry #mad liberation #my post #mad punk #psych abolition

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ozzy-boy · 9 months ago

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You kind of implied Cole, Volks and Scale either dont get drunk or are not allowed to get drunk anymore in your last hedcannon. Buuutt what if they did? Drunk or high?

hehehehehehe i was born for posts like this. this one is already getting kind of long so i'll do a part two with them high ;P

Scale:

-The Order has an alcohol ban on Scale for their work parties because he gets MESSY when he's drunk.

-He doesn't drink often so he has a crazy low tolerance for alcohol. Which means it takes a lot less for him to get fucked up.

-He has fun when he's drunk, but he doesn't like to drink too often because he doesn't like feeling like he can't operate. What if he's too inebriated to pull off his sick ninja maneuvers and someone attacks you?????

-He'll usually save it for special occasions, but with a little prodding he'll agree to drink with you.

-He doesn't really like the taste of alcohol so he prefers drinks where you can't really taste it. (This does nothing to help how drunk he gets) But he'll kind of tolerate anything.

-I could see him being a whiteclaw guy somewhere down the line.

-He also likes fruity, sweet drinks but he's a little embarrassed to get them because they're not 'manly' drinks.

-Laughs a lot while drunk. EVERYTHING is funny to him. Also be prepared to pull him down from doing stupid shit because the alcohol makes him waaay too confident.

-There will be at least one time where he's trying to get up onto a table, insisting that he's perfectly sober enough to do a backflip (he isn't)

-He's also very honest when he's drunk. Be prepared for some messy kisses and some slurring about how much he loves you that he's gonna be really embarrassed to remember later.

-Please take care of him. He'll be a complete baby the whole next day if he ends up with a hangover. If you want to have a good time though, Scale is a good choice to drink with if you can convince him.

Volks:

-I think Volks just doesn't particularly enjoy drinking. Not enough that he seeks out opportunities to do it, at least.

-Although, if you insist then he'll drink with you. He likes dark liquors like bourbon and whiskey, but he paces himself and doesn't really let himself get fucked up.

-Volks hates loud places, so sorry but bars, clubs, and parties are off the table. If you want to drink quietly at home or at a nice restaurant then that's fine. Good LUCK trying to get his ass in the clubbbb

-PLUS, Volks' face turns red when he drinks a lot and he thinks it's embarrassing. He doesn't like people other than you seeing him like that.

-If you do get him to indulge with you, you'll get to watch his face slowly get pinker. He also gets really smiley and soft.

-Volks will inevitably reach a point where he gets caught on some deep tangent about life. It's super cute watching him ramble though, especially since he's normally on the quiet side.

-He doesn't get much hangover in the first place- he's lucky like that- and he's especially fine considering he's responsible and does stuff like 'pace himself' and 'drink water' 🙄

-He'll chastise you for overdoing it and getting a hangover but he'll still take care of you.

Cole:

-Again, Cole appreciates nice alcohol like wine, but he prefers not to get fully drunk. A little tipsy is fine but he doesn't often let himself get truly hammered.

-He is the type of guy to drink a bloody mary or mimosa at like 9 am though lol.

-Cole likes to maintain a certain level of... control. Especially around you. A level of control that is difficult to keep up when he's drunk.

-I want you to envision Cole on a normal day, and how clingy he is already. Now multiply that clinginess by 2. That's Cole when he drinks.

-If you convince him to drink with you, he will be glued to your side the whole time.

-Hugging, squeezing, pressing his face into your neck and shoulder.

-His lips get a little loose when he's drunk, too... He tries not to outright say how obsessed with you he is, but it becomes hard when he's inebriated.

-He's halfway into a rambling about how pretty you'd look tied up or inside a little cage before he remembers that- oh yeah, that's kinda weird to tell someone out of nowhere.

-(Although if you're dating him at all, chances are you're into his freakiness anyway.)

-He'll reach a point where he's just hanging onto you and slurring to himself about something you can't quite make out.

-Somehow doesn't get hungover. At all. It's super annoying. He's so smug about it.

#blush blush game #ozzy writing #blush blush #blush blush scale #blush blush cole #blush blush volks #scale #volks #cole

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auschizm · 8 months ago

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I was put on a pretty high dose of anti psychotics as a young teen (high enough to make anyone who takes it who hasn't developed some sort of tolerance to literally pass out within an hour and sleep for like, the next 12-24 hours), I wasnt diagnosed w any schizospec disorder (they just "suspected" schizophrenia on my file) because the clinic I was institutionalized in basically passed out anti psychotics like candy. At times like 70% of the ward was on them, but usually just 1 or 2 kids with an actual schizospec diagnosis. They just loved sedating us tbh.

Over the next like 8 years I kept going on and off anti psychotics, mostly the same one but mixing it up towards the end as well. What I found the worst (sort of, with some hyperbole. if you dont consider lasting neurological issues and some other wild dogshit it caused in my life over those years) is how uneducated every single psych I had was about the anti psychotics that they were Actively Prescribing People.

They didnt know common side effects including tardive dyskenesia, which I have to this day. I had to argue with them so theyd look up literature on it so they'd even believe my experience. They always were suspicious of me wanting to change my dose. They would make me switch meds without tapering the old one (?!), most of them never ordered the tests necessary to monitor your physical health while on anti psychotics (I forgot the names of the tests right now, oops)... often refusing to monitor me as i taper off of them because they didnt "agree" with it, finally one time my GP said he would monitor it. etcetc.

I dont really like... have a point to this. I just wanted to get this out for now.

I'm not even saying they dont help during phases of acute delusion (tho they never actually touch my 'long term' ones lol).. it's just that. At least here no psych seems to know what the fuck they're prescribing people anyways, so how the fuck am I supposed to trust them or work with them at all? I just gave up and have been unmedicated for a year now after tapering them myself as usual. I honestly dont miss it much at all.

I'm really angry you had to experience this. That the doctors who were supposed to help you did this instead. I can relate, and I'm sending my love and solidarity ❤️

#auschizm convos #overmedication tw #forced medication tw #forced treatment tw #health risk tw #medical neglect tw #medical abuse tw #medical trauma tw #medical gaslighting tw #invalidation tw #institutionalization tw #psychiatric abuse tw

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collar-shocked · 2 months ago

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im so angry and so sad today so unfortunately i am going to curse all of you with my TPOF Mason-Route OC, Missy Fortune, my little babey

only pic im willing to share of him (cause i dont have any good refs of him by me lol) drawn by @corruptfoxarc !!!!

warning this is a literal novel. im just gonna ramble and ramble and ramble, mainly for future notes for myself lol

Mason is the only one who can't keep the MC, and while I agree this is fitting for his character, it pisses me off because Give Me The Bear!!! so i went rogue and made it a reality.

Missy Fortune, a man with a fitting name!!! Misfortune follows him but he pays it no mind, choosing to see the bright side of every situation instead. He's 26 and full of life, working at a large, mostly deadstock toy store to keep his childhood close to him. He is taken by Fox's team while closing up the shop after willingly letting them inside after hours, because it was cold out and they asked very nicely.

Missy is a loser. Plain and simple. He hangs out with people who tolerate his company only because he's been in the friend group for years, but his role is just 'butt of the joke' guy. He accepts this because he's a naive goodie-two-shoes and believes there's no malice behind their gags. He isn't very close to his family and goes months without saying a word to them at a time, making his disappearance mainly unknown. (Not for any reason! They just don't really interact that much.) His life revolves around his job and his friends, thus creating a very unhealthy, if not mentally damaging personal life. He still finds the time to wake up with a smile nonetheless, being mainly clueless to the misfortunes in his day-to-day life.

Missy charmed Mason into bidding a high amount because he seemed intelligently aloof. He was enthusiastic about the wrong things considering his position as a product being sold, often going on nearly irrelevant tangents as responses to the announcers questions. (It's not often someone WANTS to know more about him!) What he spoke about, he seemed passionate, thus cementing him as the ideal prey in the hunters eyes. Someone with motivation and drive! A good, strong-will to carry a good hunt- unlike those miscellaneous hikers he finds from time-to-time.

And so right he was, because Missy kept him busy for two days over a week. Their 9-day long game had a very abrupt end after Mason arrived at his cabin and found the poor thing- cold, weak, hungry, and frail- counting sheep on his bed. Was the easiest thing picking him up for decapitation! Little man was light as a feather!

But then the dork nuzzled into him while waking up, and it struck Mason on a strange level. Missy had survived the longest of any of his previously purchased prey, and it kind of hurt letting him go. He got attached! He found so many sketches on that paper he provided him, was lead straight to him out of Missy's own stupidity from laughing or crying or singing too loudly, would often stalk him from afar as he acted like a fool, and now it's over. Laid him down on his wood-chopper, grabbed his axe, and saw his face. Missy was scared, but accepting, and that little nuzzle earlier reminded Mason of a pathetic soggy rat. He's got more potential in him. He got used to him.

So now he's got his own bed in that cabin! Just as warm and plush, and all he had to trade was his humanity for it. He has MANY chores and responsibilities (including but not limited to minor hunting, going on grocery/supply runs in the city, checking on set traps/setting new traps, preparing fresh catches for consumption, fishing, laundry, bed-making, basic house cleaning (MAINLY in his own room but is sometimes asked to take care of other rooms), isn't allowed to bathe by himself for the first 2 months, needs permission to go outside, speak, and get into Mason's things, and also needs to wait for permission to eat at the dinner table. He is severely indoctrinated into Mason's way of life and almost completely forgets who he used to be, but he never loses his optimistic charm. When he misbehaves he's forced into the 'shoes of discipline', shoes that have 5 nails through the bottom for him to walk on- each 3 to 5 inches long. When he's been good he gets free reign with the colored pencils and sometimes gets to pick himself up a lil' something-something from a supplies run!

They live in quiet, stern harmony together. Quiet, stern, ass-splitting harmony.

#i love my baby boyyyyy #Screamo's OC #Missy Fortune #just tagging so i can find him laterrrrrr #writing about my sweetie made me feel a bit better so FORGIVE ME for the novel #wish i could write like that when actually working on my stories dgjrdfgjkegihdf

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captain-aralias · 2 years ago

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giving birth

idk, i'm pretty sure some people wouldn't write a post about going into labour on tumblr, but it's a thing i wanted to write about, so - it's here if you want it! if you'd rather avoid, don't click the read more.

things normal people might want to know outside the cut:

baby is now 11 days old <3 things are generally going well. i sleep between about 11pm and 3am, and then again 8am to 10am

it's been hard to get enough brain together to write a post like this, reply to comments, read fic, etc, as many of my most cogent hours have been visitor hours or hanging out with my partner. the night shift is not a good time to do things that aren't watching TV. i've managed to Read Half a Book (daisy jones and the six - easy going, i like it)

i was going to cosplay him as baby simon snow left at the orphanage, but he looks nothing like simon (much more like baz - currently: grey eyes, reddish-gold skin, dark hair), and also i don't want to write on my baby :o

surprise fourth entry: we think the terrace house next door has been turned into a brothel ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ok - birth stuff after this. not too much gory detail, probs, but some.

the beginning part you already know!

waters broke on thursday 11th, just after i woke up. this was two days after the stitch was removed, and therefore almost certainly related, so hooray for stitch! kept the baby in until 37 weeks.

i'd been worried that i might not realise my waters had broken, as apparently this is totally possible. i am here to tell you - that YES, it is possible. i clocked what it probably was immediately, but also it wasn't a 4 cups of liquid is everywhere sort of deal, it was more like - about half a cup every hour or so. and so i thought - this is probably what is happening, but maybe it's not and i should have done more pelvic floor exercises.

went to hospital. got hooked up to the machine that monitors baby heartbeat and movement. nothing much happening, although heartbeat all ok. the midwife on duty was called 'merlyn' - true story.

she asked me to walk around for a bit and come back, so my partner and i walked to the costa coffee inside the hospital. i ordered one of the new 'bubble' drinks, because i thought - why not? it's sugary and cold, these are things that make babies move. the drink was...... not good. blueberry slushy with cream on top and bubbles that were a) too big to fit through the absolutely normal straw and b) apparently were a cross between blueberries and popping boba. i say apparently as i'd given up by then and my partner ate them.

anyway - this detail included just to show you how surreal and nothingy early labour was. we walked back, hooked back up to the machine. baby now kicking a bit, and merlyn asked me whether i just had a really high pain tolerance and therefore wasn't upset about the contractions. i said, 'i dont know - guess we're about to find out' 🤔

agreed i probably wasn't in labour yet, so i was sent home, but asked to come back at 4.30 for my pre-scheduled scan with the nice doctor who first realised my cervix was open, and who we've seen regularly since (because my partner rang to complain when we had no follow up, and because this doctor was the one who rang us back and then made sure we were seen afterwards. not brilliant work from NHS administrators).

was also told if i didn't go into labour before hand, to come back at 8.30am (24 hours after waters broken) to be induced. given leaflet about induction methods. key take away - could take up to 3 days. sounds terrible.

home for 2 hours, back to hospital for scan.

we were waiting around for about half an hour. shown in - doctor says, 'we've had some difficult patients today, sorry! but you should be easy'. my partner tells her my waters have broken - she's surprised! (but pleased) no one has managed to tell her or put it in any notes, which she just reviewed. again - great job. i do love you NHS, but what is going on? a student midwife is trying to scan me - and has had to deal with all these previous difficult cases. with little amniotic fluid left, her job is basically impossible. sorry :'(

but - waters breaking confirmed! honestly, until that point i was still not sure. doctor says, induction could be offered immediately, but we mostly don't do that as in almost all cases you go into labour before 24 hours. i said thank you again for spotting my cervix being open. weird to think we won't see her again!!

went home. watched the end of 'little dorrit' (overall - it's good. so many famous people. the ending is a bit all over the place, though). about 9pm started feeling period-pain type pain. figured: probably a contraction! definitely did not feel like i expected in that there was no real release. it was just - now you're having a painful period. i called maternity triage again to say there was blood in the water now, and they reminded me that was totally normal (mucus plug, i guess) and to come back when things were serious.

so - i went to sleep.

woke up at about 2am. contractions now serious business, but also still... not as serious as i'd expected. again: basically it felt like period pain, this time crossed with constipation. and then it would go away, and i'd feel totally normal again, which i was not expecting.

we'd been told to come in when the contractions were every 5 minutes for an hour. my contractions were coming about ever 2-3 minutes. after about 20 minutes, i told my partner that i wanted to go to the hospital now, even if we should really wait. this was the RIGHT decision.

i'm the only one who can drive our car. it was obviously not a good idea to drive the car. i called an uber. unfortunately the labour ward is on the other side of the hospital to the main entrance, and doesn't have an address you can give uber..... retrospectively i'd have done better just putting in the street, like i usually did, but i tried to use the labour ward post code. we ended up at the main entrance, which was shut.

erin (my partner) keeps telling people that the uber drive was annoyed i slammed the door of his car, but i honestly do not remember this. the drive was about 10 minutes, during which i alternated between feeling bad and feeling totally fine.

we didn't bother trying to direct the driver to the right part of the hospital, just got out. erin wanted to go and get a wheelchair, but i didn't want to just sit on the ground outside the hospital in the middle of the night while she did that, and i felt completely fine ... except when i didn't.

so we walked to the labour ward. it's about 5 minutes from the entrance. i sat on the floor when the contractions came. then walked again. cool times.

arrived at maternity triage. again, it felt like going there every other time we'd ever been there - my key take away is that most of being in labour was extremely underwhelming. pain was not great, to the extent that i was thinking 'i can see why people don't like labour, maybe this was a terrible idea', but i could still think things like that. they hooked me up to the same machine as they had in the morning, and this time it said - yes, definitely in labour (which i knew, but ho hum - it was doing its best!).

asked to confirm i was a low risk pregnancy. we were like - nope, don't think so. ivf, stitch, isnt that in the notes??

a midwife came over and was like - "WOW, you're 8cm dilated." (of the necessary 10cm) at which point they started to take everything a bit more seriously. but they also described a bunch of pain relief options - and i was like, whatever, give me whatever i can have. and then was told - oh no, you actually can't have pethadine, water birth, or epidural of these as you're too far along. (which i also knew, but then why offer?)

i'd sort of suspected this might be the case, given how my cervix tried to open at 21 weeks. so my birth plan was basically 'whatever'. v glad i hadn't had my heart set on anything in particular.

they wheeled me down the corridor to one of the birthing rooms. they wouldn't let me go to the toilet in case i had the baby in the toilet..... that's how quickly things were happening.

i managed to change into the hospital gown, then got onto the bed. 'this is such a comfortable bed' i told my partner, although later (post birth) i realised that it wasn't... but i appreciated it a lot at the time.

i WAS allowed gas and air, hurrah. i'm extremely keen on doing things that make my life easier, so i accepted, obvs. basically, you breathe in during the contractions, and breathe out of the mask normally when you're not contracting.

THIS made the whole experience very different from just 'intense period pain', in part probably because the pain was ramping up, but also because whenever i wasn't contracting i felt completely off my face from the gas. overall, i thought this was a decent pain relief option. i also liked how breathing in the gas gave me something to focus on while pain was happening and it was a clear signal to everyone else that it was happening.

i probably had about... 5 more before my body was like 'maybe time to push'. (it really did feel different/like an actual urge). midwife told me i couldn't have the gas and air anymore - boo - just focus on pushing when the urge came.

pushed...... but obviously it hurt, so even though they were like 'keep pushing!' i thought, i will just relax because that's less painful. (great job, brain.) but i only faked out twice.

they invited a doctor in, because i was bleeding, and baby's heartrate was dropping. i agreed to the episiotomy because even though i reeeally didn't want that, i obviously would do whatever to get the baby safe.

retrospectively, my partner and i think that probably i was bleeding because i'd just had the stitch out two days before and those wounds had opened. but neither of us thought of it at the time, and no one assisting with the birth had had time to read the notes. (this is a theme of the post, not to be too whingey - but it was a shame). but anyway, the cutting (boo) came with a side of local anaesthetic (HOORAY) so actually it felt like a very good decision at the time, even above baby's safety.

one more contraction, one more push - baby was born in one go.

he's premature-levels of small at 5lb 10oz (5th percentile), even though he's technically full term. this is why erin and i think the bleeding was from the stitch rather than the baby, although one of the midwives suggested perhaps he was holding his arm up next to his face and that made him seem bigger. the scan we got the day before estimated his weight as being more normal, but scans are super unreliable particularly late in pregnancy.

really a very easy birth, as far as i can tell. i had slept through a lot of the early stage. the fear of being at home at not with medical professionals was the worst bit (and we fixed that by just going in even when we weren't sure) and as soon as it was over, i felt immediately fine. the whole thing had taken 2 hours tops. baby born at 4.30am.

i thought i'd cry when they gave me the baby, but actually i was too surprised that he was actually there and alive. (my partner cried.) the umblical cord looks creepy and alien. we'd agreed a medical professional should cut the cord, rather than erin (who wants to do this? they just want dads to feel involved). i got to hold him baby while they gave me the shot to deliver the placenta. barely felt it.

then had to give baby to erin for 30 minutes while a fuck tonne of stitches were put in... the amount of sewing involved was definitely worrying. i'd assumed maybe like... two stitches, but... it was a lot. can't recommend (though could not feel it at the time.)

after that, we just got to hang out in the room. i showered, changed, they brought me (but not erin) some breakfast and lunch. they did tests on the baby, most of which he passed. didn't pass the hearing test but apparently this is normal, as lots of babies have fluid in their ears. we think he can hear as he has startled at loud noises since. all the clothes i'd brought were hilariously too big.

sent home about 12 hours after the birth. could have stayed if we'd wanted to, but definitely did not.

i felt totally fine the entire day of the birth, full of LOTS of adrenalin. second day was also ok. third day was my crash. i got a cold, which was NOT good for my pelvic floor (and which i still have, RIP). my stitches hurt, the sleep debt had kicked in and i was hobbling everywhere, and breastfeeding wasn't going well. before the birth i'd been very much of the opinion that i'd breastfeed if it was easy, but i found it kind of weird and knew the health benefits were exaggerated. (but not completely, obviously). deep in my hormones, i was not able to hold onto this previously rational view. instead, i was thinking - i have no connection to my baby anymore.

i also cried at the song 'making a man' from the musical operation mincemeat (which is NOT an emotional song - but is about someone with the same name as my baby, who i'd just made), the beginning of the movie 'in the heights' (it was just so good!), the ending of the movie 'pride', and i cried again while describing what had happened at the end of 'pride' and how i'd cried.....

bought several breast pumps, fed the baby formula, took a day off from trying to breastfeed, things pretty much fixed for me (except for the crying at movies) by day 5. going to continue with combination feeding (i.e. breastmilk+formula) though, because it just seems insane to have to wake up every time the baby is hungry. what am i, a sadist? and when people are over - how good not to have to get your breasts out... thank you makers of formula.

ANYWAY. we're now on day 11. feels like baby is pretty easy going for a baby, he only cries when he needs something - which i appreciate, as it helps me keep him alive \o/ he will sleep in his basket, but only if he's already asleep. he prefers to be held. he can sleep for 3 hours at a time, but only during the day - at night you're lucky to get 1 hour, and he has been awake for about 2 hours at a time, unlike about 15 minutes average in the day. he smells nice, he wasn't cute-cute when he first came out, but he is getting extremely cute now and i think he looks more like my partner than an unknown donor (although still all to play for, i think). because he's still super small and almost pre-term, his legs and arms are still all curled up like he's in the womb, even though he's been out 11 days. but he's gradually uncurling them and stretching out.

i like holding him. he makes funny faces. he has a LOT of hair - which means the heartburn was right about that one. (n.b. heartburn is linked to hair, this is an old wives tale that is now scientifically proven) think it's going well, overall <3

n.b. i had to pause at this point because baby woke up. what they say about baby boys peeing on you while you change their nappies is 100% accu-rat, but it's quite funny really. we haven't worked out how to stop it because putting a cloth over him makes him hold it in..... and then you remove the cloth....... fine comedy in action.

my bump was very small, so i was able to put my pre-pregnancy jeans back on after only a few days. hooray, i love jeans.

uterine contractions started about day 6 (this is a thing i feel i did not know about before being pregnant myself. 7 days worth of contractions post baby to bring your uterus back in line). wow, it's like MORE PERIOD PAIN. great. there's less blood than i expected, though. i also can't control my temperature well at night - so i'm super hot while asleep, then get out of bed and start shivvering. apparently this is what the menopause will be like. looking forward to that 😅

not much else to add except the brothel stuff. basically 2 nights ago, someone knocked on my front door at 4.30 (same time baby was born!) in the morning as i was sitting up with baby. rang the doorbell, walked round to peer through the window, and then knocked again. i would not have answered - just wanted him to go away, but erin came down and opened the door, which was (it turns out) the right thing to do, but i was not happy about it - as we live in a semi-dodgy neighbourhood, although i've always felt relatively safe as we're off the highstreet and there are often people outside the pub until 1-2am, which is annoying but also feels like they'd see and stop anything bad.

i was running through scenarios like 'and then he breaks in' or 'and then he stabs whoever opened the door' in my mind. instead he just said something like - 'do you know where the whorehouse is?' and erin said 'wtf, it's 3am' and closed the door.

this could have just been a random incident, and indeed i didn't hear him say 'whorehouse' so i thought it was just a drunk guy asking for directions. but once she told me what he'd said, we then realised that the house next door to us... probably is a brothel. it's been renovated by our ex-neighbours and rented out, all the windows are blacked out, including the skylight we can see out of our windows. there's a complex doorbell system, they refuse to take our packages in, they don't have any bins out the front (which is presumably because no one is using the house as a house), and we've definitely heard people having sex through the walls. though erin thinks they've put up sound insulation just in time to not have to hear the baby crying in retaliation.

she's american and leftie and very against cops, so i'm trying not to be a karen about it. i have not reported it to the police, but i have said to erin already that if anything else happens that makes me feel unsafe...... i probably will. the man knocking on the door makes me not want to be awake with the baby in the night, even though nothing happened. (he broke the first rule of secret brothel - you DONT talk about secret brothel). we don't have our ex-neighbours details, so reporting is all we could do. apart from i guess ask them to move.... (won't be doing that, obvs. confrontation? no thanks.)

hopefully it's fine, and they will just move on at some point. VERY weird, though. and not what i need while hopped up on hormones.

glad to have written this post! feels like a good turning point in baby land, being able to write some words even if it's just this stream of consciousness. i also logged back into work Teams to send some pictures. since he was born, have been out with baby to the midwife (in the car), marks and spencers (in the car with pram), boots (in the pram), and today to a hipster coffee shop (in car, baby slept in pram bassinet). might reply to some comments tomorrow. working back up to actually writing some fic or finishing my lego.

also - it's (almost) hitting me that i have 9 months off work. apart from the sleep, i feel like i could go back to work now.... but i WANT the time off. but usually i only take 2 weeks off, and i've done that now... so it's time to go back to work...

i did read a bunch of other messages on Teams/Slack when i was posting the pictures. v hard not to care. even with something much more important to do.

ok - going to eat some food, now. thank you to anyone who read this far! hope it was interesting as well as long.

not tagging this pregnancy as i was doing it so people could block the tag, but people who don't know me literally found my posts and read them. and ... that's not what this is for.

#aralias's baby #personal #my content

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di--es---can-ic-ul-ar--es · 2 years ago

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STEM/humanities discourse:

One problem is I think people are pretty hobbled in their ability to think through "in what direction do I want to steer the world and what skillsets are relevant to a plausible strategy (that I would also enjoy, not too illegal or more unpopular than my risk tolerance for that, etc)". Hobbled specifically by a kind of "all disciplines are valid" culture that comes from the way we think about "expertise" as a society.

One example I think is important is how DEI Studies coursework could screw over young people during low interest rates because they would be misled into thinking it's a viable career path to sit around scolding people for not agreeing with your takes, and leave them ill-prepared for those departments getting downsized if interest rates go up high enough. Like this problem only arises under certain regimes of "expertise" and how its constructed.

Technical subjects, where building stuff that works in physical reality is rewarded so you can end conversations that in humanities turn into status games or run forever, do in fact seem quite robustly better??? Just think of how many climate doomers arent working on some clean energy thing??!?!

But I think it goes back to "pick from the menu of careers" as an identity exercise that a lot of the wealthy half of americans had really beaten into them and many of the bright like first gen college kids. the main upstream problem. It created this kind of "some people's favorite color is red, for others its blue, they each contribute in their unique ways, so dont be rude or impose a hierarchy" starting point that is really poisonous and hard to unlearn. If someone let's you either wipe out Hegel or Maxwell from ever having existed, you not only pick Hegel, you aggressively deplatform anyone who so much as hesitates!! Even the reasoning that explicitly addresses this, that STEM are capitalist stooges, has this kinda baked in, cuz the left is a crab bucket that has fully divested itself from any actual project that would actually solve a problem so they overcorrect on "problem solving is for capitalists" and leave it there.

Critical support for comrade Kirch today, even tho I Do Not Condone his unwillingness to quietly block and move on with life.

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qrichas · 1 year ago

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my thoughts abt the bbh thing on twitter under the cut.

sorry for bringing discourse discussions in your dash somehow but i want to let you guys know that, as much as i will still be engaging on some q!bbh and 4halo content here on tumblr, im still in disagreement with/very disappointed on cc!bbh for defending d and his statement he made today. he might have info we dont know that will be soon revealed but that doesnt excuse the fact d has done other shitty stuff. and while i know cc!bbh isnt a bad person per se and, as he himself said, is very against grooming, he took a shot on his own foot by tweeting that before anything came out and for still wanting to believe on someone that wont change and had done harmful things that are still as bad. im choosing to giving him time to see if somehow, cc!bad can redeem himself, but if things dont change, i'm dropping him completly. (even if its gonna hurt me because i genuinely liked watching him, and altho i never put ccs/streamers/famous people i like in a high pedestal bc i know theyre human that can make mistakes, its still very sad and disappointing things turned out this way)

as for the q!bbh/4halo thing, i myself am able to separate the character from the creator, since cc!bad stated multiple times that his character acts in a way thats completly different from himself. >for now<, im still able to consume this kind of media while being aware of what he said and how it made me feel. if youre not, for any reasons be it serious or not, thats okay, and feel free to unfollow me if youd like, im not gonna stop you and your sentiment is valid. but i wanna give a heads up first so theres wont be a bad time for us all bc of miscommunication.

and to reinforce once again: i hate d/dteam and i never supported or will support anything theyve done. i will not tolerate or welcome d/dteam stans on my blog, and i will not defend people who agree with them either. d is a groomer, racist, misoginistic individual and i openly hate him and ill always do so.

i hope, as a viewer and a part of cc!bbhs community, that things change and he thinks more abt this situation, also for his own good as a person. but it's a thin ice that can crumble very easily.

#discourse #twitter discourse #it feels very wrong to tag this as simply discourse bc its more srious than that but #idk what tag should i put #please tell me if i need any more tags on this

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reaganseyebags · 3 years ago

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Bathing with the gang!

//SFW, non-sexual nudity, drug use

Reagan

She doesn’t take bath at all! It feels kinda weird to her sit naked in bathtub for hour doing nothing.

She probably has one of these standard small bathtub, the one that can only fit one person

BUT,, try suggesting it to her,, she will probably say no at first but if you try more times and she will agree on it!

Since the bathtub is so small you guys have to:

Someone has to lay on the other’s chest

You two have to sit on the the opposite sides

The first time you two took a bath together she chose the second option since she wasn’t comfortable enough to lay on you

At first she thought it was pretty weird but after few mins she got really relaxed! Plz massage her feet

You two ended up talking about random bullshit and she really enjoyed it! The warm water helped her so much <333

After some time she finally agreed on that cuddling position where she lied down on your chest,

you played with her hair and massages her shoulders and she just loved it sm <333

Brett!

MY MAN TAKES A BATH EVERY WEEK AFTER HIS WORKOUT RUTINE

It helps him relax!! He loves baths sm!

Bigger bathtub! That one that can fit two people!

RUBBER DUCKS AND LOTS OF BUBBLES

sobs he probably named his rubber ducks and probably gave them a personality and backstory

He was so excited when you suggested taking bath together!!

When you noticed the rubber ducks he got embarrassed- but then he started talking about them and he was so happy when you started adding some things to the stories-

You two came up with entire rubber duck plot that night-

Scratch his back <333 he loves it

Gigi

SUPER EXPENSIVE BATHROOM LIKE HOLY SHIT

THAT WOMAN HAS WHIRLPOOL INSTEAD OF BATHTUB

She takes bath every night-

Expensive soaps,, lot of expensive soaps,, expensive stuff in general like you are scared to touch something cuz it all looks so fancy

She absolutely adores the idea of bathing with you <333 like honey,,, you are getting spoiled tonight

If you have any skin problems she will probably put some drops or soaps into the water so it can help you out!

She will offer face masks and other stuff <33

She will totally massage your shoulders,, her hands are fucking magical hehehe 👀

She just makes sure you are relaxed cuz you deserve it <333

Andre

He takes a bath sometimes,, rarely even-

And when he does,, he gets high

Big bathtub cuz he likes to,, yknow invite friends 👀

He probably puts some herbs drops in the water to help his skin-

He really likes the idea of you taking a bath with him, he thinks it’s a wonderful way of spending time with someone <3

You guys get high and then talk about random bullshit you did in high school-

Also please lay on his chest he likes having you close <333

Myc

He loved baths! I feel like he takes them like two times a week

Small bathtub cuz he can easily fit in it and still have a lot of space

It’s nice for him to take a bath after long day

“Ohhh a bath together;)))” he teased. He was glad you asked tho,

Probably has ribber ducks as well- no bubbles this time

Very warm bath, I feel like the center of earth is pretty warm so he’s used to warmer temperatures

He will massage you with his tentacles! No cuz that much feel pretty good

Glenn

He has to take baths! Since he’s part dolphin he needs to hydrate his skin and,, he would forget how to forget how to breathe under water???

Cold baths definitely

He has a bigger bathtub but he also has a pool

DONT PUT ANYTHING INTO THE WATER YOU WILL MAKE HIM SICK <//3 he’s sensitive

He will warm up the water when you two are bathing but it’s not something extremely warm,, it’s the tolerable temperature, not too hot but not so hot

You know,, sometimes it’s nice to take colder bath <3

He doesn’t talk much,, you are just enjoying each other’s company <3 having nice little moment together

BONUS Ab!

Honey I don’t think he’s waterproof </3 and even if he was he would overheat easily?? Baths would kill him :(

But! He loves being your company when you take a bath! Having a little chat together <3 he totally talks about Friends

#inside job #inside job x reader #glenn dolphman x reader #magic myc x reader #andre lee x reader #gigi thompson x reader #reagan ridley x reader #brett hand x reader #inside job headcanon #reagan ridley #brett hand #andre lee #gigi thompson #glenn dolphman #magic myc #alpha-beta x reader #alpha-beta

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iamnotbored · 3 years ago

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To My Star 2: a love letter to all the jiwoos out there...

Its been years since a show have made me feel this way, but i will start by saying that i agree with the some of the critique of the show, there are pacing issues and so many topics that remain unexplored, these comments are absolutely valid...but the thing is, i can be aware and accept these issues and it would still not reduce my enjoyment of the show, i think we all have different tolerance levels for the media that we consume, and god knows i have enjoyed shows more issues than tms2 (Danyok anyone?)

Ok time to rave about this show, i have been rewatching ep 10 since last sunday and yesterday i rewatched the whole season and i was ugly sobbing from the moment seojoon said "i lost" to the end, this show gave me everything i wanted and everything i didn't know i needed

reading all the jiwoo apologist posts here and on twitter, i'm for sure not alone in seeing myself in him, not defending his actions at all but i get how he got to that point...

guys, being jiwoo is hard, he lost his parents when he was still a teenager, finding cooking to be his only comfort and then had a breakup where his ex wish him unhappiness for the rest of his life. that shit will stick with you and shape you, on top of that being orphan trying to make a living in seoul, i'm sure he experienced a lot of discrimination and unwanted pity. his walls are so high because he needed to protect himself in a world where he is alone, this is not a person who is used to receive love and kindness

despite that jiwoo became a kind person (not a great boyfriend though as both his ex & seojoon will learn the hard way), jiwoo cared and tried to protect seojoon after knowing him only for a few days, jiwoo tried to help hyuanggi out even after he tried to blackmail seojoon, jiwoo thought about his ex when he is with seojoon because he finally know how much he hurted her & felt sorry (how many of us have imagined that the people who hurted us would do this?) the way jiwoo care for yooha as if she is his daughter T_T, jiwoo remain respectful and kind to the village elders even when they talked shit about his dead parents!! and they literally came in to his flop restaurant to call him unlikeable to his face. jiwoo take all that with a straight face, he can handle the hostility and unkindness because this is what he is used to, a part of him thinks that he deserves it and another part of him finds comfort in the familiarity of pain and loneliness...

when the villagers finally showed some kindness towards him, something broke inside jiwoo and i felt that...that was cathartic, seojoon's love alone will never be enough to cure jiwoo of his loneliness, insecurities and fears. and it shouldn't be either, we can love someone but we can never be everything to that person. humans needs a whole support network, that burden should not be carried by one person, that is not fair or healthy

"even though someone is by my side, there are times i need someone else"

when jiwoo said that to his ex, i think both seojoon and many viewers thought he was refering to him wishing that he was back with his ex or thinking that seojoon is not enough. i interpret it as jiwoo understanding that people cannot be fulfilled with a romantic relationship alone, we needs to have some variation of other relationships, with family, friends, colleagues or we need to at least be ok with who we are when we are alone...so yes, seojoon is not enough

"I was alone, whiIe kang seojoon was surrounded by people. I hate feeling this way. Its like without kang seojoon, i dont exist either"

I don't think jiwoo had much of any relationship with anyone aside from seojoon, and he spent so much time in that apartment waiting for seojoon with only his destructive thoughts as company, and when those noises became so loud that it was unbearable, he ran away, just like he did in the first season, this is his MO!

jiwoo loves seojoon so much, but he could not understand why someone like seojoon would want to be with him, when seojoon who is loved and who have so many other happy relationships in his life, and so jiwoo is terrified of the day seojoon will realise this and jiwoo would loose everything again, he can't handle that, it's not that he doesn't trust seojoon, but he have zero trust that he would be enough for seojoon. at the same time jiwoo is desperate to love and be loved by seojoon, he was so happy that it made him vulnerable, that is when his defence mechanism kicked in. jiwoo put up those walls to protect himself not knowing that he is also trapping himself behind those walls

jiwoo spent a year without seojoon, and he was miserable, but it was not for nothing, he gained a support system in yoohaa and her mom, he can now allow himself to depend on people who loves him, and he has his own flop restaturang that he now can work hard to...uhm un-flop. the show ended with jiwoo finally coming to terms with his cowardness and starting to work on breaking down those walls and he was finally ready to let seojoon all the way in

so to all of us who recognise ourselves in jiwoo, its ok to receive and accept love for what it is, none of us are perfect and love is definitely not, hurt and disappointment are inevitable, its ok to take a break when it become too much and then pick yourself up again...learn to forgive ourselves and those who hurt us

credit of all of the wonderful pictures: twitter user @_ouruniverse09

#to my star 2 #to my star #kang seojoon #han jiwoo #kdrama #hwang da seul #tms2 #seo joon x ji woo #kbl

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deepest-dope · 3 years ago

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Caravaner's guide to dealing with raider gangs

As we all know, the caravan business is dangerous if lucrative work, so I have decided to write up a handy dandy guide to some of the dangers out on the trails to help the startups out there. I am not a professional and am doing this in a vague out line but I'm trying to go in order of threat level for the most part.

As we all know the biggest and the baddest are as always the Great Khans and you of course will know them by the leather jackets which they have so kindly labeled on the back so everyone knows they are Great Khans. They are the most organized raiders out in the Mojave, and the most dangerous by far for it. If they are raiding you, you almost certainly didnt see them coming so, you're probably going to be better off just letting them loot you.

If you did see them tracking you, then congratulations eagle eye! They are still probably going to want your stuff. I've never tried it but you could try to swing a bargain? Just don't go at 'm guns a-blazing because that shit will get your ass killed. You and whatever mercs you hired to escort your ass through the desert are not going to win a fight against Khans and if anyone you're considering hiring says they can they're talking out their ass.

Moving onto one you might be less familiar with, the scorpions. These guys are chem dealers by trade and for the most part chem ingredients is what they are looking for. You can catch them by the fact that they are more likely to pull a hold up then any other gang. Most others don't bother saying hi or asking for specific things.

The Leader of the Scorpions, Yvette, is actually a real businesslike woman, and if you've got the time and the silver tongue for it you can probably hash something out with her. Always good to look for nore business opportunities after all and she doesnt ask for much, just the best price on chem ingredients you can give. Definitely dont agree to smuggle mojave chems into the NCR for her though, its not worth the bigger paycheck then a good old fashion army supply haul, it don't matter she pays you better then Kimball at all, honest.

That is of course assuming you are the type for a peaceful solution. If not about 4 decently equipped regular guards or 2 really damn good ones can take the scorpions in a straight gunfight. The scorpions don't like fighting longer then a few minutes and should give up pretty quickly. If you're being chased by fiends (who'll be mentioned later in the guide in more detail) you can dash through scorpion territory and they'll take on the fiends for you, Yvette HATES the fiends and does not tolerate them being anywhere near her.

Now on to the Vipers, and I know for sure you've heard some shit, we all have. These crazy bitches are the reason you don't sleep anywhere in the desert without a night watch set up, and I personally just hope to God that thing about then feeding people alive to snakes ain't true. Luckily they aren't so good if they don't get the drop on you with their snake venom weapons, the guards you set on night watch should be able to run 'em off just fine.

And now for the Fiends! Those fucks with the skull helmets! God knows where the fuck they're getting energy weapons but they have plenty of ammo and little to no interest in talking shit out. Avoid avoid avoid. Avoid at all costs. If you survive the initial hit on your caravan you don't want to stick around for whatever the fuck these sociopaths have in store for you on capture, especially so of its an attack led by Cook-cook. These bitches, along with Ceasar's Legion, are the reason a lotta women of merchant work keep a gun with one bullet on standby. If you carry chems you might be able to swing something but I wouldn't count on it considering most of their raiders do their raiding high off their ass on any number of the nastier shit.

Now to the Jackals, whom you may have heard a lot about, possibly some conflicting info. And I'm here to tell you none of its wrong. You see the Jackals although nunerous aren't one big group like the Khans, they're more like a bunch of smaller gangs like the scorpions and vipers and such just all using the same name for some reason. Which unfortunately means ain't no tried and true method of spotting them and fending them off.

But that don't mean it's fully impossible. Y'see all those stories of ghosts in the night leaving merchants with nothing in the morning, or caravans mauled out in the desert sometimes ritually so, and caravans getting held up by wraith on a ridge wielding a grenade rifle are not untrue but pretty preventable, you just gotta catch these Jackals fore they get you.

See Jackals, like scorpions, are usually after something specific of not always chems. Sometimes the thing they're after is you, which is why the old backup with one bullet is good sense for everyone, but sometimes it's something like radaway or anything else you can spare or prove you don't have and you can just pass them by.

For the most part the Jackals like Khans are prone to stalking their prey for a while before striking but unlike the Great Khans they are more likely to give up on it if they're found out before they can strike. You can just walk up, talk up, see what they want, hand it over if y'can spare it or if you're stingy just run em off. They don't like fighting without at least some advantage and taking their element of surprise usually sucks wind out if their sails.

Course most if that goes out the window if they're outright attacking you already. In which case, just try to hide and wait for them to finish and leave, before poking your head out to see if they left anyone alive and bury whatever's left of anyone they didn't. Yeah I don't recommend trying a straight fight with em. Nobody that survived a scrap with a Jackal left it with all their looks in tact to say the least.

And ending on the Powder Gangers, that's right them convicts you all heard escaped the prison a while back not only unionized against the NCR but have formed an organized raiding gang! And they are something to watch out for for sure, see they don't really have a set tactic for dealing with caravans. Sometimes they'll pull a hold up real straightforward like sometimes your only warning is a little sparking light flying towards you.

For the most part dealing with powder gangers you want to bum rush to get in close quick. I know this seems a bit counterintuitive but they are actually smart enough to know better then to blow themselves up. As for a direct hold up you can sometimes take the guy they send to make demands at you hostage and they'll usually try to get him back intact. Take the dynamite out of his pockets and make him walk with you for a while down the road and tell his pals to stay put on pain of their friend and keep an eye on your back as you walk.

Now that's all the big ones to worry about as it goes, you shouldn't be getting to close the legion and the west side militia and house's securities keep thing close to Vegas pretty damn safe.

#fallout fanfic #Fallout new vegas

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maki-s-wife · 4 years ago

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Our favorite senior

Pairing: students of Jujustu high x gender neutral!reader

Warnings: none

Y/n is finally graduating from Jujustu high and the rest of the students worry that they’ll never see them again when they are busy with work.

ALSO the word “soulmates” is used in this but it’s platonic tho-

“Y/n~” Nobara sang. You looked up from from your book to see the rest of the students crowding around you. “What are all you doing here?” You ask. They seemed to be serious which could mean one of two things. One the situation is serious or two they did something serious and need you to fix it again. Usually it was always the ladder. “Do you wanna come hang out with us?” itadori asked. You squinted, you’ve known everyone long enough to always question their motives. “Where?” “Just the shopping district” Maki answered. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with the shopping district and plus you had been wanting to buy some new clothes. “Alright that doesn’t seem bad, just let me get ready”.

The rest of the students let out a huge sigh of relief as you walked to your dorm. “I told you she’d agree” panda said whipping the obvious sweat from his face. He wasn’t the only one worried. All of them had been worried that as soon as you left you would forget about them. It was a sad thought that hovered over their heads as your time at Jujustu high was coming to an end. Nobara and yuuji were more jealous that they only knew you for the time of the school year. The second years knew you for almost two and Megumi had probably known you the longest. Gojo had introduced you to him and a bond was instantly formed. Though they all had in common that when you met them you immediately took them under your wing. You were like Jujustu high’s older sibling, always being there for your underclassmen no matter what.

“Do you guys really think they’ll forget us?” Yuuji pouted, you were like family to him now and the thought of you really leaving forever haunted him. Nobara hit his head and spoke “jeez your getting to emotional over this”. Everyone looked over to Nobara who’s eyes were so watery the sun glinted in them 10x more. “SPEAK FOR YOURSELF” yuuji choked out. Toge just sulked. He would miss how you’d tolerate his playful antics. Maki was also just pouting at the ground. You and her had that bond that no other could replace. Almost like you two were soulmates. Panda had looked up to you greatly, probably training with you the most was feeling emotional over the thought of you really forgetting him and the others. Megumi wouldn’t let it show but he was pretty glum at the moment. Knowing you for the longest and probably knew you the best out of the group even worried about him fading from your mind.

You walked outside to see everyone silently standing in a circle. They were all hunched over even Megumi who never slacks when it comes to posture. Slowly creeping up behind the group you hear small sniffles. Pushing your head in between Nobara and yuuji’s you asked “are you guys ok?”. Everyone jumped at the same time. When they came back down they all looked normal. “Of course were fine why would we be sad” maki spoke. “Tuna tuna” Toge agreed. Shrugging off the odd encounter you all went to the shopping area for the remainder of the day until it got dark.

You all laughed and played around on your way home. All of you held large bags of clothes, accessories and sweets to bring back for Gojo as Nobara walked freely with a small bag with a pair of earrings and other pieces of jewelry that probably drained gojo’s credit card.

You wiped away the tear from laughing. “This has got to be the best day ever” you said pulling everyone close to you. They all smiled, it truly was a great day but the thought of this being one of the last few times you’d say that to them. Soon you would be making new memories replacing the ones they had with you with others. Others that matched your skill and would always be working with you.

They hadn’t noticed it but you had been staring at them as their smiles faltered and the glint in their eyes left. Had they not had a great time? No. They were probably just tired. You all spent the day walking they probably just want to rest.

After arriving back to the school everyone said their goodnights and left to their rooms. You walked back and threw yourself on your bed. Going on your phone you looked through the pictures of today and old ones from the past months. Your adored those memories with your whole heart. You found a couple with yuuta in them. you missed Yuuta, though you didn't know him in person that long you both surprisingly stayed in contact while he was out and about in other countries. you placed your phone down. There was a mission you had to go on tomorrow and you didn’t want to be tired when it was time to wake up.

The next morning everyone woke up and went to the kitchen and saw many large stacks of pancakes with a note.

Good morning everyone, I have a mission to go on and I probably won’t be back until tomorrow. I hope you enjoy breakfast and don’t die while I’m gone :)

Their eyes started to water as they ate the pancakes. Itadori going on how deli it was while maki told him he’d choke if he kept talking. You were always the best at making them food. When you learned one or more of them hadn’t ate you always whipped something up quickly. There was never a time where they doubted you were the ultimate older sibling of this school, as you even cared for Gojo sometimes no matter how annoying he was. You’d help ijichi with his errands and hang out with principle yaga’s cursed corpses. Helping shoko with paper work and general healing people.

“Oh I can’t take this anymore” Nobara wailed. Megumi looked down. “I doubt y/n would forget about us”. Everyone looked up at him. “How can you know that” yuuji wined. “Just trust me I’m sure she won’t...”

The answer and the silence they came after it wasn’t very comforting. Toge and Panda didnt want to say anything, they had no clue what to say. No matter how many memories you could make with a person it was always possible to forget them. They all believed that’s what would happen with you.

The rest of the day went by slow. Gojo could sense something seemed wrong and before he could even ask why the group hovered over your bed in silence Nobara yelled at the top of her lungs for him to get out. Gojo simply walked away not wanting to make her more mad.

The slideshow had to be one of the worst they could make but still planned on presenting it to you on your last day.

“When IS y/n’s last day here?” Megumi asked. Maki tapped her cheek thinking. Toge’s eyes went wide and jumped up to the calendar hanging from the wall. He remembered when the last seniors graduated and then pointed to the next day on the calender. He frantically started walking around the room muttering words no one could hear. Everyone started getting teary-eyed, walking back and forth, saying random things. Everything was out of order. They thought they’d have at least another week with you and couldn’t handle the sudden change. They all paused when they heard the door open. Maki and Nobara were about to yell for Gojo to leave the room when they noticed it was YOU.

“How are you back here so early, you were gone for less than 6 hours” panda questioned. You blinked a couple times. “Well...the mission was easier than I thought but why are you all in my room and why are you all crying”. You were confused but concerned most of all.

"Guys-"

"PLEASE DONT FORGET ABOUT US" itadori and Nobara sang in unison. toge and panda repeatedly nodded their heads. the four were on their knees begging while Maki and Megumi stood awkwardly. "your gonna leave and then just forget about us in a couple months that's all" Maki said averting her eyes from your confused figure.

"what do you all mean? how the hell could I forget you guys" you said as you bent down and bought the four students up. "I love you guys and I couldn't forget my time with you all even if I wanted to which I never would!" you said pulling everyone into a close hug again. "But-" "There's no buts itadori and besides I'm not exactly leaving". Everyone looked at you with confusion. Toge staring at you menacingly trying to sense if you were lying. "DID YOU GET HELD BACK" Nobara gasped. You chuckled "of course not, after a couple of months I'll be coming back as a teacher". Panda picked you in a bone crushing hug and everyone followed.

"your our favorite senior" Itadori exclaimed.

you wheezed for a laugh as you were in a very tight hug. "I'm your Only senior, but you all are my favorite underclassmen....now I won't live long enough to buy you all treats if I don't get down-"

#jujustu kaisen #yuuji itadori x reader #maki zenin x reader #toge inumaki x reader #inumaki x reader #panda x reader #nobara kugisaki x reader #saturo gojo #ijichi kiyotaka #shoko leiri #megumi x reader

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brlankinney · 4 years ago

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✨a long awaited michael hate list✨

last year during the first lockdown i decided to rewatch queer as folk again after a few years break from the show. michael has always been one of my least favourite characters and i just needed to rant about how annoying he is, so i have compiled a list of his worst moments. you’re welcome. i wrote all these in my notes app while watching and you will get them without any editing whatsoever. in chronological order:

s01e03 when justin turns up at woodys to find brian and michael yells at brian because he doesn’t want to babysit. while justin is talking to debbie!!! justin is just a young gay teen trying to fit in and michael is go angy? fuck off you piece of shit

s01e04 “this is about brian’s one night stand!” / “not just one” / “don’t bet on it”...... my dude.... my good dude michael..... i am pretty sure justin knows more about his own sex life than you do

s01e04 “unfortunately not this one” referring to justin when they were talking about the high suicide rates with gay teens.... michael was so jealous of a guy who had sex with brian that he was annoyed that he wasn’t feeling suicidal? cant relate

s01e10 when justin moved in at debbie’s place, getting michael’s old bedroom. why was he so annoyed? you’re a grown man, just turned 30 and that bedroom still has all your childhood things in it? grow the fuck up you childish man baby!!!!!

s01e17? when david and michael held the fundraiser for that senator and michael purposely didn’t invite any of his friends/family because he found them “embarrassing”, then porceeded to yell at his mum when they showed up anyway. the entire storyline of him feeling like he was sooo much better than all of them because he had been to france and got expensive stuff from david? horrible horrible man

s02e06 saying the only reason brian spends time with justin is because he feels guilty that justin was attacked. it’s almost like he doesn’t know his best friend? what a surprise!!!

s02e12? getting angry that brian and ben fucked at the white party long before michael even knew ben? brian had sex with everybody how did michael expect to find someone who hadnt fucked brian already? and why are you angry over your partner’s sexual history from before you even knew them?

s03e01 getting angry at justin for breaking up with brian (which is what he wanted to happen since fucking day 1) and then telling him that he isn’t part of the friendgroup anymore, as if they only tolerated him as long as he was with brian. fuck youuuuuu!!!!! honestly just the ENTIRE episode? upset that justin came to mel and lindsay’s party and that he brought ethan? it’s not your party! you don’t decide who is invited! SAYING BRIAN SHOULD HAVE LEFT JUSTIN DYING ON THE GROUND? literally just scum of the earth!! even if it was just because he was upset on brian’s behalf that should have never even crossed his mind!!!!

s03e04, he knew what kind of father brian was to gus so why was he so angry at the way melanie and lindsay wanted him to be a father to their next child? he would be the sperm donor and the child’s dad but he wouldn’t be part of the kid’s life more than brian was in gus’ life? how is that so hard to get? it’s not YOUR child? get your own if you want to be an actual dad????

s03e07? getting so pissed that ben didn’t want to include him in his HIV-positive life that he “threatened” to infect himself? show some support for your boyfriend instead maybe? what kind of weird move is it to almost stab yourself with a used needle? i totally get what he was trying to do but it’s a fucked up way of going about it

s03e08, while i dont completely agree with ben taking in hunter from the start and letting him spend the night (which probably has more to do with me being a woman who would have trouble defending herself in case anything should happen), the way michael acted as if hunter didn’t deserve any compassion was.. really bad? he even rolled his eyes when ben gave hunter money and a contact number for them that he could keep. hunter was a CHILD on the street, selling his body for money!!! how are you not more concerned!!!

bouncing off of that s03e10 why is michael getting angry that ben wants to care for this child!! he was in the fucking hospital and i get that now it’s a money problem but you are not listening to your partner? you are talking over him and not trying to come up with another solution to help care for this child!!!! i am FURIOUS

s04e08 convincing justin that they shouldnt mention to brian that they were aware that he had cancer and had the sugery, but then breaking down the first chance he gets and crying to brian about it? first of, this is NOT about you michael so sit your ass down!! and second of, i get that he was scared of losing brian but at least give justin a heads up that he told brian?? that’s the absolute least he could have done

THE ENTIRE FIFTH SEASON!!!! michael needed to SHUT UP about melanie and lindsay’s relationship problems in relation to jr because guess what? you’re not the primary parent, this doesn’t concern you! you were the sperm donor who was lucky enough to still be called the dad and be part of jr’s life!!!! shut up about how the baby lives in a broken home and how you want the baby? she’s not yours!!!!!! what is your PROBLEM!!! i will fist fight you

both him and debbie kept saying “whatever goes on between you [mel and linds] it doesn’t matter, the baby comes first”. don’t you think parents living seperately are better than parents living together but fighing all the time? the entire thing makes me so ANGRY

i MEAN the way michael thinks he is entitled to all information about lindsay and melanie’s relationship just because he was the sperm donor to their baby? insanity

“why won’t you let me have her?” GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHAEL

s05e04 i get that michael might have been embarassed at the “housewarming” gift that brian got them and also at the word choices that brian makes but come on? monty and whoever started out by insulting not only the way brian chooses to live his own life but also his business? it’s a civil conversation and yeah brian could have used less harsh words but brian’s lifestyle isn’t new to other people? not even people outside of his small social group? let him live his own life and also let him defend his choices

e05e07 like i get it okay? brian came in late at night and shouted and blamed michael for his and justin’s breakup so of course michael would be annoyed but the way he said “he [justin] left because of YOU. who wouldn’t?” was completely uncalled for? it just really fucking bugs me? this is your best friend who is CLEARLY going through a bad breakup so maybe choose your words more carefully? MAYBE have some compassion just maybe?

when hunter left in season 5 and michael said “who else would have taken him in? made him family?” WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR CHILD!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT michael really thinks he is the absolute shit and deserves the world for doing the smallest thing?

going through the show again really just fleshed out how fucking bad of a person he could be from time to time wow whats YOUR worst michael moment????

#queer as folk #i’m not putting it in the michael tag i’m not an idiot #qaf us #qaf

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