#i have a half noodled together scene with buck and josh coming up

[caralynsmoved]

don’t wanna know the other side of a world without you

fandom: 911onfox characters: evan “ buck “ buckley, eddie diaz, bobby nash, maddie buckley, josh russo ( s/o to @henwilsons & @transbuckley for reassuring me russo was josh’s last name and i hadn’t made that up in my head ) relationships: evan “ buck “ buckley/eddie diaz, maddie buckley/howie “ chimney “ han, bobby nash/athena grant, hen wilson/karen wilson rating: general audiences, teen setting: somewhere between 2x14 and 2x15 ( second s/o to @transbuckley ) for remembering the exact episode “ eddie went full spiderman during the house fire with the gas line “ 

∞ 

buck had been hovering at his side ever since they got back from the call which in itself was weird enough especially lately. any free time they had, whenever a shift ended buck was racing towards the door for maddie or chim’s or towards his phone to call them. now though buck hadn’t even touched his phone just followed eddie around, looking unsettled more than anything. eddie grabbed the makings for a sandwich out of the fridge catching buck still hovering he let out a quiet sigh,

“ you want a sandwich, buck ? “

blue eyes widened at the question and buck took two actual steps back and one step forward, “ uh, no, no .. i’m fine. “ 

“ okay, “ it was only years of learned patience as a dad that stopped him from prying, buck would open up when he was ready not when he was pushed. he continued making his sandwich and sat down at the table all while buck hedged around before taking a seat himself. he had just taken a bite when buck finally spoke,

“ you really didn’t think about it at all ? “ confusion creased eddie’s features as he chewed and swallowed before buck explained, “ the whole spiderman thing, “

“ no, not really, “ it was the same answer he had given everyone at the scene and it hadn’t changed. he had seen a little boy in danger and immediately thought of chris, of what he felt every time chris was hurt, of what he would want someone to do for his kid, it all had just surged him forward without a thought, “ i mean .. it’s what we do. “ 

“ it’s not what you do. “ once again buck’s words caused a wave of confusion and the multiple emotions displayed clearly on the other man’s face caused it to grow even more.

“ what do you mean ? we’re firefighters, we help people when they’re in trouble, “ a half laugh escaped him as he leaned forward, arms resting against the table, “ it’s exactly what we do. “ 

buck shook his head, seeming to grow frustrated, “ it’s not, it’s not what you do. you don’t do things like that. “ 

“ like what ? “ it was a gentle nudge on his part now that buck was finally opening up about whatever was bothering him. 

“ reckless things, stupid things. you think, you’re calm, you - you - you’re safe. “ was buck’s exhalation of an answer, fingers twitching as a clear sign of his stress over this, “ sorry, this is stupid, i don’t - “

“ hey, hey, hey, “ a soft hush passed his lips as he reached out, wrapping his fingers around buck’s wrist both to soothe him and stop his departure, “ just talk to me, buck, huh ? tell me what’s wrong and i’ll try to fix it, “

with a ghost of a nod buck sat back down at the table and it was only after a few moments of silence that eddie realized he was still holding on and regretfully let go and waited for buck to speak.

“ you scared me, “ it was such a simple declaration, something he had heard a hundred times before from his teammates, shannon and even chris but it still felt like a swift punch to the chest. he racked his brain for anything that he could have done to scare buck into this state until he realized the glaringly obvious answer.

“ you mean at the house fire ? “ eddie probed, feeling slight relief when buck’s eyes lifted to meet his, “ okay what was it that scared you ? “ 

“ you, “ buck started, shaking his head once more and this time his own fingers went to rub around his wrist, “ you just .. you don’t just .. jump, eddie. you’re not me, you’re calm and you think and you’re safe and after everything i really need that and today you rushed in there without me, without thinking and i couldn’t do anything to help you and i thought you were d- and it scared me. “

the silence that followed buck’s confession of sorts hung around like a cloud signaling the start of a storm. he wanted to say something, felt the urge to say something that would fix this, that would get rid of the clear upset in buck’s eyes because it was twisting his chest in painful ways. a thousand words flew through his mind, 

i’m sorry, it’s gonna be okay, i’m okay 

but, they all seemed so empty and lacking that all he could produce was a worried gaze and a shake of his head which apparently sent the wrong signal to buck who pulled himself to his feet, stepping back, 

“ like i said, it’s fine. it was stupid. “ buck plastered on a smile that felt entirely wrong and looked nothing like the wide and cheerful grin the blond almost always wore. “ i’m fine. “

it feels like something is slipping through his fingers, something important .. it feels like he’s losing something. once more he reaches out looping his fingers around buck’s wrist and it seems like buck is about to shake him off before he instead pulls him closer. confusion and relief mingle on his features before both are wiped away when bucks grabs his shirt and pulls him forward. the kiss is impulsive, quick and amazing and then its over and buck is staring at him with wide, panicked eyes,

“ i’m sorry, “ was all that seemed coherent enough to escape buck as he backed away and darted out of his grip. he stood there stunned, only his gaze tracking as buck raced away.

“ diaz ? wanna tell me what that was about ? “ was cap’s concerned inquiry as he made his way towards where eddie was stood still frozen, half his attention still turned towards the exit. “ eddie ? “

“ i - i don’t know. “