#i hate you dating apps everybody's trying too hard to sound normal i have never felt attracted to anybody who wasn't a weirdo

[fairytalefem]

It would be so cool if a weird dyke confessed their undying love for me weird dykes feel free to confess your undying love for me anytime you want

[thoushallnotfall]

This might sound pathetic but here we go.. I am 27 years old and completely and utterly single. I never once had a S/O in my entire life.. not even someone who had a crush on me. Never experienced anything close to sex before.. I feel so sad, bitter and envious and I hate that I’m becoming this way. I feel jealous that my siblings and friends experienced many relationships before. One just recently broke up with their S/O not long ago and ALREADY they met someone else now and went on a date yesterday. A part of me is happy for them because I love them, but a bigger part of me just feels so angry that I want to cry. Why do things come so easily for some people who don’t try hard or really even appreciate what they have? I care so deeply and want to have something special and give all my love to someone but I’m stuck watching everybody around me live the life I wish I had. I’m sorry if I’m coming off as feeling sorry for myself. I’m just so confused and hurt. I know I’m ‘young’ but my life feels like it’s basically over and I haven’t accomplished a thing. No relationship, No intimacy, no job..(I was recently was laid off and struggling to find work.) I fear my dream of having children will never happen because this is my ‘prime time’ yet I can’t even get anyone to notice me let alone think about marriage and kids. It feels like my time is ticking and I’m just here existing but not truly living. I am so sorry for basically writing a book here. I view you as a safe place and respect your opinion & advice.

First of all, I'm glad that you feel safe coming to me. I'm not sure if anything I can say will make you feel better, but it means a lot that you feel comfortable enough to share your worries and frustrations with me.

This is likely going to be a very long post.

I can say I know all too what exactly what you're feeling.

I'm the youngest of four siblings. By the time I was 27 my three older siblings were all married (and most had been for many years, since their early twenties) and two had kids. All my friends, even the ones who had been more introverted like me, had started dating and had been in serious relationships, and I never had. It's incredibly frustrating, watching the world around you live this whole other part of life you feel like you're missing out on.

I'm 29 and I still have never had a S/O. I've been on dates, but it's been pretty scarce. I had my first kiss drunk with a guy I didn't really like because I was in this headspace of 'I should have had this by now.'

Last year, after I had thought I had gotten past this mentality, the pandemic got me feeling very depressed and lonely, and I let myself fall back into that hole. "I'm 29, I'm single, I've never had an S/O, I've never even had sex." I was also jobless at the time, and I didn't have my own place anymore and was living with a friend, so I know how dark of a pit that is to be in.

No one can expect to have great mental health right now, so to have these things weighing on you on top of everything else going on is to be expected, and you should know it's totally normal that you're worrying about them. Just don't let them eat you alive.

I'm not going to go into details, but I let my anxiety about this imaginary timeline of "when things are suppose to happen" creep back into my head, and I let a shady date I was on during that time get me drunk and I slept with him. I regret it immensely.

Your first time is not usually great, but putting aside all of that I let my loneliness, my bitterness, my belief that 'it should've happened by now' get in the way of my common sense in a bad situation and now I look back on this moment with nothing but contempt and regret.

There is no 'right' timeline for things. Plenty of people in modern society do not start seriously dating or having sex until their 30s. Their is an entire subreddit about this; you are by no means alone and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

I know that I felt that way about life until I was about your age, them I got my own place and I got a better job, and honestly I got very comfortable being alone. I sort of just didn't like the idea of someone being in my space. I figured if it happened it happened, but if not then whatever. (Then the pandemic hit and...yeah)

Under normal circumstances, I would say if dating is really something that is bothering you, look at what you've been doing up until this point and just change your approach.

I'm single because I rarely ever go looking for dates, and when I do I'm incredibly picky so when I get on dating apps I usually don't give anyone a chance; so I need to actually put more effort into looking for dates if I actually want to date, and I need to give people more of a chance.

It's nearly impossible to meet people in society these days without actively looking for them now. You have to go out and do the legwork; you can't just expect serendipity to come into play and to just meet someone randomly. Join dating apps, join local clubs, go to singles meet ups in your area or try speed dating. I know so many people that have met their spouses on tinder or PoF it is unreal.

Now, obviously there is a pandemic so things are a little crazy right now, so obviously be safe about it.

If you've been doing this, maybe you were like me in the early days and you're sabotaging yourself. I would always make up excuses about why someone I was out with wasn't going to work out 6 months down the line, so I shouldn't even bother trying to date them now because it won't work out anyway. I also had a lot of self-esteem issues that made it really hard for me to think about myself dating or having sex with someone. If that's the case, you may want to work on figuring out why you feel that way, and work on yourself before getting into a relationship.

The important thing to remember is that, again, there is no timeline for these things. It's not a race, it's a marathon. We're all just trying to make it to the end. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, and know that it's okay to feel sad and frustrated and lonely; just know you're not alone.

I'm so sorry to hear about your job; things have been hard for everyone recently I know better than most how stressful that situation can be. I hope you can find something else soon!

I'm not sure if anything I said made you feel any better, but I hope you get to feeling better soon! ❤️

-Rachel

[enkisstories]

The android cemetery (Ch. 22)

“Come on, open!” Emma shouted at the elevator doors when the cabin came to a halt. The girl’s hands were raised and curled into fists that she was close to hammering against the metal. But that would have accomplished nothing, so the child waited patiently… the whole three seconds it took for the doors to start moving. Emma shoved her fingers into the opening and tried to force them apart faster. Again, nothing was accomplished, except for Emma feeling a little better from doing something at least. Finally the opening was wide enough to slip through and Emma sprinted into the corridor. In her back the other elevator came up with an unhealthy rumble. Or maybe the child heard the noise that loud only because she knew that it foretold an early end to her nighttime expedition into the apartment complex. The second elevator went “pling” the moment Emma turned around a corner. The doors in this row were leading into the apartments that were facing the outside of the building and therefore were a bit more expensive. The people inhabiting them were Joe Averages with 1,5 children, an easy-care indoor pet and an android. And one of them was bound to house - or hold captive - the specific android Emma Phillips was looking for. Preferably before the cops caught up with her.

Consulting her phone at every door, Emma worked her way towards the apartment that matched Daniel’s coordinates provided by the CyberLife app. The red dot was moving back and forth, hard to pinpoint, but eventually Emma reached a spot where it almost merged with the door. This had to be the correct apartment! There was a nameplate on the door, but there was also the sound of fast-approaching steps in her back, so the girl pressed the bell without looking at the letters.

A PL600 android opened the apartment door while at the same time a man in his thirties came hustling towards Emma.

“Hi, Ga…” the android started, only to switch to: “What the fu… farcry are you doing here, Emma?”

Emma stood there open-mouthed. For a moment she had thought to stare Daniel into the face, but then it turned out to be only Dean. Emma recognized the android for who he was by the smartwatch he was wearing. She had seen it on him during many a therapy session. Also Dean had uttered “Ga-” just now, what could only refer to that terrible cop friend of his, Gavin Reed. Incidentally the same cop Emma was on the run from at the moment.

“Well, I could ask you the same!” the child accused the PL600. “Why are you not in the museum?”

“I happen to live here.” Dean pointed at the nameplate that clearly stated “Reed”. “With Gavin.”

“Oh, great”, Emma snapped, while gesticulating with her head towards her pursuer. “Get his indoor slippers, because he’s right behind me!”

The man, who definitely was not Gavin Reed, but nobody Dean would have recognized, either, stopped right behind Emma. He made no attempt grab the child. Instead he just waited what would happen next, in the comfortable knowledge that he had caught up with Emma and could intervene with her adventure whenever he felt like it. At the moment he’d given a lot to learn what was going on here.

“What is this all about, Emma?” the stranger prodded.

Emma turned around. She knew that voice! “You?! I expected the cops! That godawful lout Officer Reed and his lying android-buddy!”

Not letting himself getting baited by that the stranger replied: “I asked you a question, Emma.”

At this the girl waved her phone around under the man’s nose.

“I followed the coordinates”, Emma explained, or at least believed that this was a sufficient explanation of her behavior. “This is my father’s phone! My real father’s!”

Looking at the girlchild rather puzzled and then over her head at the PL600, the man started to stammer an apology. He was cut short by the obvious question: “Who the hell are you?”

“My mom’s new boyfriend!” Emma stated, now facing the android again. She had just finished the sentence when the PL600 broke into laughter.

“She replaced him? Will you LOOK at that! Caroline fucking REPLACED John!” Shedding tears of laughter now, the PL600 addressed Emma: “Did she order him online, by chance? With a dating app? Oh, please, say it is so!”

Emma stomped her foot down. “Daniel!” she yelled. “That’s not funny!”

“Uh, no. You’re right, Emma. That was inappropriate”, the android said. But at the same time he was stifling another laughing fit with his hand.

Someone else was covering her mouth, with both hands and widened eyes: Emma Phillips. Only now the girl realized what she called the PL600. And that he hadn’t protested against the wrong name, because it was his real one.

“I knew it”, Emma whispered. “Somehow… deep down… I knew you were Daniel. I knew it all the fucking time!”

As if that wasn’t complication enough, now Gavin Reed exited yet another elevator. He had Connor in tow and they went straight for the Reed apartment. Emma’s hopeful step-father found himself surrounded by a handful of people who all seemed to know each other and especially understood more about the situation than he could ever hope to.

“That’s your influence!” Daniel greeted Gavin in a reproachful tone.

“What?” the new boyfriend asked, perplexed.

“Her swearing!” Daniel said. “She picked that up from you potty mouth!” he accused Gavin, who, for all the boyfriend knew, could be anybody. But Emma had mentioned cops and there was that RK900, so these new arrivals were probably a detective duo. Or, no, wait! Wasn’t that the predecessor model? Wow, the man realized, it really was an RK800! That series had gotten decommissioned officially, but of course a few would have found their way into private hands after the android crisis of November ‘39. An RK android of any generation wasn’t something you just discarded. So, those two were not policemen, after all?

“But her being detective material” Gavin replied to Daniel’s insult with a proud smile, “that’s your doing!”

“Well, I feel very much like cursing now, too, but I’m not detective material, thank you very much”, the boyfriend snarled. It was the most he could restrain himself to and he felt that he was being reasonably polite, seeing that the child of the woman he loved was conversing with adults of questionable affiliation in the middle of the night in a neighborhood she wasn’t expected to be. “So, explanation, please!”

Arms crossed in defiance against pretty much everything and everyone, Emma stood in the midst of this all. “They are cops, Jason”, she told the man. “The android always lies to everybody and the other one…”

“You won’t hear the end of it, if you finish that sentence!” Gavin threatened.

Emma grinned. “Yeah, that’s pretty much all you need to know about this guy”, she said.

The one called Jason pointed at Connor, then Gavin and finally Daniel.

“Cop? Cop? And android?”

Nod, nod and nod.

“Okay, that’s at least a basis. Although I cannot tell what for, admittedly.”

Jason focused on Daniel now. The android hadn’t been prepared for the sense of wonder in the man’s eyes when he looked him up and down. It was, in fact, the very last thing he had expected.

“And this here… is really an android?” Boyfriend Jason asked. “I never knew they could be like this!”

“Me, neither!” Gavin agreed. “Last time we spoke he had brains! Why did you open the door, Danny? We messaged you not to on our way here!”

Daniel shrugged. “What would hiding have achieved? Emma has the coordinates memorized. One way or another she’d come here or to the museum or to another inconvenient place at an inconvenient time, probably chased by the school police. Better to have this showdown where we choose to have it and on familiar ground.”

To Jason the android said: “Come in, since you’ve come so far already. Be mindful of the cats.”

Gavin nodded to the RK800. “You, too, Connor”, he said, “Since “stay in the car” is something you obviously cannot compute.”

The two men, two androids and the girlchild entered the apartment. As if their situation hadn’t been messed up enough already, now Evelyn came rushing down the from the upstairs study to fling herself into Gavin’s arms.

“Whoa there, plastic-brat, cut that out! I’m still not your father!”

Emma rolled her eyes.

“Lucky you”, she told the child android, then pointed at Jason. “I wish he’d say that to me.”

“Look, Emma”, Jason started, “I told you before that I do not require you to call me father. That would be odd, with you being nearly twelve years old. We do not even have to become friends, but what we should try to do is to get along!”

“Something straight out of a spare parts catalogue should keep a low profile”, Daniel snarled. He didn’t know this man and although he didn’t seem to be bad in any way, the android felt he needed to hate Jason, because Emma rejected him.

“I… am not among friends here, huh?” Jason remarked.

“Don’t worry.” That came from Connor. “That’s the normal state of affairs for this team.”

And then he closed the door behind everyone.