#i hate working with pipe cleaners so much holy shit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hearts4kimpine · 2 years ago

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God I fucking hate Forky the fork so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every frame he's in, every scene, every gif, every jpeg, he's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass look on his stupid lumpy face. Absolutely no part of his ugly as sin piece of shit character design is endearing. His stupid fucking legs? Who the hell makes a fork with legs. His dumb flaily fucking pipe cleaner arms? His shitty, spiky bastard head? The three thousand percent unnecessary dumbass shitass fucking PIPE CLEANER UNIBROW that no fork has EVER FUCKING HAD IN tHE HISTORY OF GOD'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, I hate him. I hate him so much. So FUCKING much. Every time I see a stuffed toy Forky or an Forky gif or a shitty goddamn commercial, it ignites my primal rage response and I'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun. "I'm Forky the fuckshit fork fucker, Im trash". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like Remy the rat summoned a patronus. Your dumb fucking play doh dick makes your whole shitty pubes look like an intersex leper. I hate your dumb fucking rainbow foot and your stupid, empty googly eyes and your over-the-top goofy ass pessimistic asshole personality. Any scene he's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over a chocolate bar in a w*lmart checkout line. And I know its irrational. That's the worst part. I know he's just a shitty fucking side character in a stupid fucking children's movie, I know it doesn't matter, I know I shouldn't care. But that's part of the problem. The part where no matter the might and fury of my hatred, the locus of my homicidal intent is alltogether inconsequential. I find myself laying awake in the dark in the early hours of the morning consumed by the spirit of Wrath itself, all the force and might of a flaming hurricane directed at a bottle of piss in a ditch by the highway. The absurdity of it all burns me to my core. What better things could this energy be directed towards? And yet my disdain for this stupid, useless, insubstantial failure of endearing character design utterly eclipses the intrigue of all other pursuits. I hate him. I hate him on a level of my mind reserved for the worst of the world's array of sinners, and I can't even begin to justify it. Shitstick the clay dick is, for all intents and purposes, the animated corpse of all of humanity's saccharine pretenses- every condescending, passive-aggressive statement of meaningless upper middle class suburban drama distilled into a single, hateable form. The fucking. Fuck. I have no words. There is no cuss or epithet in any language that can encapsulate the height of the emotions I am experiencing. God, I hate him so much. I hate him so, so fucking much. I want to light his ugly little dumpster body on fire. I want to graphically beat him to death with his own stupid fucking arms. I want to punch him to death. You know that weird feeling you get, when you see a picture of something so cute you find yourself overcome with the bizarre, inexplicable urge to squeeze it? It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that his existence as a fictional work is evidence of all the failures of mankind. I find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Angel gone rogue with the belief that God has made a mistake, and I alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Samael himself fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a plastic grocery bag floating on a breeze. What horrors must I have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? I must Unmake this fictional fork

#that one copypasta

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lightvsdark18 · 2 years ago

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Twisted Wonderland (Book 5)

Followed Little-Bean and Mewshi Q's playthrough.

Malleus visits her one cold night. She has trouble sleeping and sees the green lights behind the window curtains. She peeks out to see him standing there and immediately pulls a hoodie and slippers on to meet him. They talk about their holiday break, leaving some parts out. He brings up the card and she thanks him for it. He asks if she has anything for him in return. "I'm sorry, I don't. I haven't been able to go to the store and get something considering I don't know what you like."

He thinks for a second. "Surprise me. The gift is up to you."

"Okay. I'll try to get you something good." He chuckles and wishes her a good night.

Third week of January, Thursday.

Shit.

Throws on Grim's coat and boots for him.

Glances at the Evil Queen as she walks by. Who is going to represent you?

"Interesting."

"Damn it, Crowley! Stop doing that."

"You want to waste money on only tuna."

Crowley abandoned her and gave her a crappy phone, so using it whatever she wants.

Alice thinks he's beautiful and curious about him since she last time spoke to him was on Halloween.

Furrows brows slightly.

Poison apple?

"Guys, don't get into a fight."

(I hate that face. Vil, never make that face again.)

Deeply sighs at them.

Thinks Vil is rude.

"Yeah, I saw that."

Leans on the wall and watches them fumble around with their two left feet.

Kalim can be mean as well.

"Ace, why must you be rude?"

"Let him do things on his own."

"Yeah, he did."

"Azul, you purposely made students fail their side of their contract with you and worked them mercilessly. Nothing is off the table for you in my opinion."

"Strictly necessary." Yeah, sure."

Alice is only there during their practice because she got nothing else to do.

"But you didn't need to shout across the room."

Shakes violently.

"Underprepared for what?" He's sus.

"Oh. I just wanted to make sure. I don't want to be a part of the audition, I'm just my friends' company."

"Can people stop scaring me?"

Right, I need ask who M.D. is. Maybe after this, if I remember.

Malleus? Saves that info for later.

Omg, he said yolo...

(Ortho doesn't count, he's an extrovert.)

"Wait, really?"

(Ortho is Idia's emotional support brother.)

"Damn."

Holy shit, it's Snow White.

Instagram Boy.

"Ow. Why are they so bright?"

She's leaning on the wall outside the ballroom and listening to the performance until her boys are done.

After the audition, she asks Ace and Deuce which dorm has the color green and if anyone in Diasomnia has the initials M.D. They question why and she says she's curious about something, then asks if he has horns, black hair and green eyes. The two are suspicious and worried for her.

Malleus Draconia... You're Firefly.

She saw her life flash before her eyes. "Is that an arrow?! What the hell?!"

"Wait, what? What do they want with me?"

"They asked me to come."

She's dodging students left and right.

"Dramatic much?"

"The hell is going on?"

"Ugh, why the sparkles?"

Alice is going to accidentally punch someone one day.

Furrows brows. "And didn't you ask me beforehand because you don't care about my opinion."

"Hm? Really?"

"Is tuna the only thing you think about?"

I wish for misfortune to fall upon you, Crowley. "... I know I can't say no." Stares daggers at the headmage.

Crowley orders an oven and fixes the kitchen's water pipes and electricity. Also, she's not getting her allowance until after the championship.

Rooks greets her by first name.

"Welcome." Steps to the side and holds the door open.

"My. It's a lot cleaner than it was on Halloween." -Vil

However, he does complain about the missing/messy placed wallpaper which she tells him she doesn't care if the place looks trashy, it's liveable and that's what matters.

"That's up to you. You can choose whatever room that has a sign on the doorknob." Only cleaned some rooms and bathrooms, and left a small sign on it.

Eyes light up.

Blocks Vil's hand, maybe pushes it away.

Stands there with the box of sweets. "Hm." And takes it to the fridge to have later.

"Manager?"

Gives an unimpressed look. "Where's the music player?"

Agreement?

Furrows her brows slightly at Vil pulling on Epel's ear.

"You guys did a good job today."

Because their diet has no gluten for a month, Alice's body slowly starts looking better. (Gluten intolerance person here.)

"I'm not complaining because I'm having an actual meal for dinner instead of a peanut butter & jelly sandwich or a protein shake."

Happily drinks some apple juice. (Places a box in her room.)

"I'm the one who's old."

Pokes his cheeks. Baby.

(Did Vil hand the skin care products to Yuu as well? Either way, Alice is staying up a bit longer and using the products she already has.)

Grim comes into her room to talk. (What exactly did you do, Grim? You weren't dancing or singing like everyone else, so what did you do to make you tired?)

Raises a brow and gets up to investigate the outside to see Kalim.

"You should sleep right now."

"Grim, go inside... If you're going to be a jerk, then go to bed."

"Grim, go inside. I'll talk with Kalim." Grim frowns and heads into the warmth of the dorm.

"Kalim, I can understand or see how that may feel." And the two talk while Jamil secretly listens.

I'm worried.

"Grim, what do you want?"

"What are you two doing up?"

Shrugs and sits down at the counter.

Narrows her eyes and smiles in the gesture of what the heck.

"Hey, save some for me." Ace passes the box to her and she asks for a fork when the lights come on.

She's not scared of him. This is her house (and she's the adult.)

She jumps up in a panic. "Are you guys okay?!"

A curse?!

Fairest One of All?

Glares at Vil in the gesture of what.

"It's the first day and they were only going to eat sweets this one time until the competition is over."

"Excuse you. "Let me off?" This is my damn house and you even told me and Grim we could eat anything we want."

"It would be wise to return your room, unless you want to root yourself into the floor with the spuds." -Vil

"This my dorm, therefore, my rules. You are my guests and have no say in what I do, especially with what I do or eat in my own dorm."

"Hmph. If you want that money for this place, then you shouldn't talk back to me."

"Do I look like I care? Crowley is probably planning on pocketing it anyway."

Vil glares and walks off. She looks to her friends and goes searching from a blanket to lay on top of them so they don't get cold. "Sorry I can't do anymore than this."

She closes the door, feeling bad for her boys when the mirror glows.

"I'm here... Yeah, I can see you..."

Donald and Goofy. "I haven't told anyone about this."

"I don't believe I'm dreaming considering what just happened." Then watches Mickey fade away.

She wrinkles her brows in thought, turning to her nightstand and taking out her journal to write down about the meeting, then flips the page to the list.

Fairest One of All... Vil - Evil Queen?

(Damn, what he's saying is fitting my headcanon.)

"I'm curious about your home."

(He's laughing because that's all he can do, he knows how messed up it is, but can only laugh to ease the tension.)

"My situation is very different than yours, Kalim."

"That sounded good!"

Vil and Alice have been butting heads with each other. Vil complained about her unladylike attitude and how bad her skin is. She hid snacks in her room and stayed up at night.

One day, she told him she will act ladylike when she has to stay at his dorm.

However, despite the pettiness between them, Alice took some time to think about the big issue. Is Vil the Evil Queen? She stared at the list and tried to piece it together. If he is representing the Evil Queen, how can she stop it? She thought about talking about it to Crowley to let him be aware of the possibility.

So, during school she entered his office and told him about her theory that Vil may be the next overblot victim. Crowley listened to her words and answered that he'll keep an eye out, especially on Vil, and requested she focus on taking care of the students in her dorm, to not worry about the issue.

"The "usual?"

"Vil. You disgust me." She runs after Epel.

"Epel! Hey, vent to me... Tell me what's on your mind."

Deuce comes by and Epel looks to her. "Go with him, I'll head back."

("Did you comb it with a leg of a chair?")

(Epel, you gremlin.)

(In all honesty, the three guys are creeps.)

"Work hard and he won't outshine you."

(Ghost Bride event)

One night during dinner, Epel asks questions about Alice to get know to her. Rook joins in on the questioning. She answers them as honest as she can when the question of how did she get into the school came from Vil.

She looks over at Ace and Deuce, silently asking if she should tell them. "Oh, that's because Kate's from a different world." -Kalim

"Eh?! Different world?!" -Epel

"Do you really think it's time for jokes?" -Vil

"But it's not a joke, it's true, she told me herself." -Kalim

"He's right. I'm from a different world entirely."

~~~~

She explains her lack of memory on how she got here and how Crowley is supposedly finding a way to get her home. "There has been rumors on you being from a different world." -Rook

"Oh, right. I have heard about them in my class. I think I remember someone saying she's older than Leona." -Epel

"Older than Leona? Katelynn, are you in your 20s?" -Vil

"24."

~~~~

"Something I have been curious about, does Crowley know about your age?" -Jamil

"Yes, I told him and the professors on, I believe, my second week here."

(Happy Beans Day event)

"I'm getting one as well?"

Is looking at the tickets and the card at her desk. She gets up to peek through her curtains to finally see the green lights slowly appearing. She slips her shoes on and grabs the tickets, then quietly walks outside.

"Good evening."

They sit down on the porch, talking about their day. She talks about the competition and the students who are participating are staying in her dorm as a training camp. She then brings out the tickets and handles it to him. "As thanks for the holiday card, and because I want you to come."

He's a taken back by the gesture and laughs, believing she is clueless to his identity. He asks if she will be a parting of the performance. "Um, no, I'm just the manager for the group."

Alice and Malleus have seen each other a few times before this night and he always called her "child of man" when he greets her or wishes her sweet dreams. Her name was in the card, so she's aware that he knows her name, but hearing him say it, it felt strange but also nice.

"Good night... Firefly."

She wakes up with dread in her heart.

"No problem."

"We can get something after checking the stage."

Picks up the cat and heads towards the stage.

"We are, we're just checking on the stage. So, how is it coming along?"

"You built the whole stage?"

"I would love that."

"Will do! See you there, Jack!"

"Interesting."

"Actually, my world does have magic."

"What? But the Dark Mirror sensed no magic in you. Wait, do you just come from a magicless family?" -Riddle

"Actually everyone in my world can use magic, however, the magic is very different from yours... I'll explain in more detail later. Please continue explaining more about your world to me."

"There's a lot of options for mages."

Looks around the exhibit and the photos of different rocks and mushrooms while Riddle speaks with the brothers. She listens to explanation of the club and answers Floyd, "Yeah, you can find rocks and plants anywhere, but that doesn't mean they're not beautiful. I appreciate the beauty of nature and want to see what I can see from it."

This is concerning...

Winces at the yelling and covers her ear slightly.

Wrinkles brows in thought.

Dwarfs?... Grumpy, Doc, Sneezy.

"It was no problem."

"Yeah, I call him Firefly because of his eyes."

"What's his actual name?" -Cater

"That's a secret." Mischievous expression.

"Riddle, come on."

"Look at the all of those cameras."

Holds up the pass, then Vil comes by.

"Don't give me that look, Vil. We were on the side of the school."

"Grim, don't make them more nervous."

"Fantastic!"

Omg, it's Snow White and the seven dwarfs.

Sleepy, Happy, Bashful, Dopey.

(Timmy hid behind Neige and Neige kneeled down to him! My heart!!)

(Fuck. That speaks volumes. Do your murder attempt after you actually lost.)

What? How am I seeing this? Why am I- She freezes and her eyes go wide as her heart starts to speed up. The poison apple...

Epel asks if she's okay from her anxious expression as she glances over to see Vil walking down the stairs and immediately runs pass them. Grim is surprised by her bolting and chases after her in confusion.

"Something isn't right."

(From top of my head for a plan: would shout "Wait!" and approach them, saying Vil is needed upstairs and that he stole my apple juice. I take the bottle from Neige's hand and lie, "I haven't be getting the vitamins I need and apple juice is helping me with that. Sorry for just taking the bottle." Then death grip Vil's wrist and drag his ass back upstairs.)

"I knew it."

(This man is taking simping to a whole new level.)

Panic.

(And Alice called this man disgusting. Oops.)

Concern eyes stare back at him, a gentle voice asking, "please calm down and talk to us."

No, no, no no no no. Eyes widen in fear.

Picks up Grim and throws him on the carpet, then climbs on herself.

"Coming in clutch, Jamil."

"Yeah! If he did nothing Rook would be dead. This was going to happen one way or another."

Deeply sighs.

She runs behind the large screen and stays there as the battle begins, however, a magic blast cuts through the screen and forces her to run somewhere else. Hiding spots are soon destroyed and leaving her out in the opening. Magic blasts off from Vil and the others, dodging and falling to the floor to not get hit.

But a roar of power slams her in the right arm and she grabs it in pain, feeling her skin burning under the fabric of her uniform. She falls on her back to dodge another and covers her head from rubble.

Deuce calls out and her curls up on the floor as he "Bet The Limit."

The smoke and dust clears as she lifts her head to Vil on the ground. Her vision slowly fades and sees his memories playing to her like a movie. She stands up when it disappears and limps over to him, kneeling down and picks him up to lean his body against her.

His head rests on her chest as she strokes his cheek and everyone surrounds them.

"Really..."

At stating he isn't a fitting leader, Vil nuzzles his face into her and lifts his hand to grip her arm.

Vil pulls away to stand up and she automatically helps him.

"Congratulations, Deuce."

"Let's not worry about that."

"Oh, hey, Firefly."

"Oh, hey! You're the man who threw that Halloween party with the ghosts. I heard about you sneaking in our garden at night from Kate. Myah hah hah--MRAH!" -Grim

"Kate! You're really calling THIS guy Firefly? Do you have a death wish?!" -Ace

"Don't ya know who this is?!" -Epel

"Malleus?" The dragon is shocked.

"You know who I am?" -Malleus

"I known for a month now."

"You knew who I am, but you still invited me? Haha, you are quite brave." -Malleus

"I wouldn't say brave, people can overreact with the truth, so I wasn't taking it all at face value."

~~~~~

"Wait, is that why you asked me and Deuce who has M.D. in Diasomnia?! You were figuring out the man you have been meeting was Malleus?!" -Ace

"Yes."

(I befriended a powerful dragon fae who is the to-be-king of Briar Valley, the same person who saw me in a bathrobe when we first met.)

Oh fuck.

Freaks out at what he is doing. Then becomes amazed at what he did.

"Thank you so much, Firefly!"

"Um, sorry, force of habit."

Secretly bandages her arm when no one is looking.

"I believe in you, guys!"

"Vil, I know we haven't seen eye to eye and even butted heads with each other during your stay at my dorm. But I still want to offer that if you need someone to talk to, I'll listen."

Grows anxious by every second until heartbreak and disappointment.

"Grim! Fuck your tuna!"

("God give me patience, because if you give me strength I will rip a bitch apart.")

Alice is just standing in front of the stage, watching this display.

"Grim. Shut it. I would like to sit in silence for awhile. Please, go to your room."

"Hm? Oh, the mirror."

"I don't think anything special on my- Well, something did happen, so maybe that's it... I rather not talk about it. It has been a stressful day."

"I haven't seen a lot of movies to have a favorite. Something I'll work on."

"Actually, I have a friend you could meet."

Hesitates on leaving the room, but does so to enter Grim's room and finds he wasn't there. She checks the dorm to find no Grim. She's standing in the hallway when she says, "Where's Grim?"

She freezes at what she just saw. She runs back to Mickey and tells him her friend is gone and has a bad feeling, she has to go. He says goodbye to her and she waves before putting on her shoes and coat, then exits her dorm to go looking for him. She checks the campus until she makes it to the coliseum where a blue light is seen on the stage.

Grim! She quickly goes down the stairs and approaches just to stop at what he's saying and watches him start eating something. "Grim?"

He turns and rushes her, swinging his claws at her but she dodges just for him to swing back and scratch her thigh. She stumbles back and holds her leg, looking up to him as he turns and runs away.

She stares at the exit, then to her bleeding leg. "What just happened?" She carefully exits the coliseum and heads back to her dorm to call Crowley and inform him in what happened.

"Miss Winter? Why are you calling me so late?"

She starts to cry. "Grim just attacked me! Something's wrong!"

"What? Explain what happened."

She explains and he tells her he will handle, requesting her to lock all of the doors and windows and to rest for now, he will call her when Grim's captured. She puts down her phone and bandages her thigh, crying quietly to herself. She lies down on her bed to sleep, curling up on the mattress and trying to figure out why he attacked her.

#twisted wonderland #alice

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spamzineglasgow · 5 years ago

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ON: beginnings by Meredith Grace Thompson

In the next instalment of Meredith Grace Thompson’s ON_____ series, ‘ON: beginnings’ takes us into the new year, new decade, with musings on temporality, returning home, solitude, waste and what we must push through to get the good stuff.

> take 1

> on: the new year....

> I read once that Kim Jong-un turned the North Korean clocks forwards half an hour to match South Korea, because he was trying to improve diplomatic relations between North and South Koreas, but he quickly lost patience with the South Korean government and rescinded his decision, moving the clocks back to their original position, and moving time between the nations farther apart. I remember reading this and thinking “Holy fuck. Time means nothing.”

>....shit. No. I can’t write this. This is a terrible way to begin a piece about the concept of New Year. Time means nothing, this is true, but it is not revolutionary. Money also means nothing. Economics mean nothing. The claim that things mean nothing, also—inevitably—means nothing. Reductio ad absurdum into nothingness. Not useful. It is not a radical assertion that anything created for ease in our contemporary society is often meaningless and yet I am not a nihilist, so what would the point that I would be making? Also, I don’t know anything about Kim Jong-un. Not really. I know he is the third leader of the Kim Dynasty of North Korea; the son of Kim Jong-il who was the son of Kim Il-sung, who established the communist party of North Korea, or maybe was just its first leader, or maybe it was just when the country became its own country...I’m not really sure. It’s that place where the extreme left and the extreme right meet at the back of the circle and are one weird blob. Communism, and fascism merge into general totalitarianism. I still don’t know why I would start a piece on New Year’s this way. I suppose I’m thinking about fascism, and nationalism, and Marxism, and critiques of social class more generally, and if my hypothetical children will have air to breathe in twenty-five years, and wasn’t technology meant to save us already? And does the A.I. that I can talk to in my phone have rights? And will my generation ever be able to afford dental plans or housing or to pay off their student debt? I’m thinking about the celebrated new beginning that is the turn of the year, from dark to light, even though it makes way more obvious sense to have a new beginning in the spring rather than dead of winter, but the pagans needed optimism at this point, I suppose, right? Days start getting longer? The sun comes back? I’m thinking about how I can make some sort of impact on this institutionalised oligarchy that is pretending not to have total control over the global economy, and if it will make a difference if I ask for a take-away box for the rest of this veggie sandwich because I can’t finish it but I should have brought a container with me if I wanted to take home left overs and what even are leftovers? And what are New Year’s resolutions? The ball dropping? Where did this ball even come from? The end of an era? Start of a new decade? We’re in the 20’s again? That means the 30’s are coming. Time is a flat circle. Turtle shell. Turtles. Turtles on turtles. Turtles all the way down.

> Nope.

> Next.

> take 2

> on: returning

> It is a strange concept that when you leave a place, the people within that place keep on going. Completely obvious, and yet eternally strange—object permanence in action. They live full lives when you are not beside them, just as all the other people in the world live full lives when you are not there, that you will never affect and will never know and will never matter too. When you leave a place and come back to it, that place has inevitable and irreconcilably changed and that is neither a good nor a bad thing. We are, after all, apparently, beyond good and evil now. Or we’ve murdered God and are now living in the anarchy that follows. Nietzsche wasn’t super clear on that. Forward movement is not synonymous with progress and progress is a word which seems to have lost its meaning. We are arguably no better than we were 200 years ago with the small exception that we have the internet and our systems of defecation are cleaner.....

>..... gross. Systems of defecation. I’m out. Is that how I judge history? The Hegelian swings from thesis, to antithesis, to synthesis; the synthesis being the means by which we figure out how to deal with our unavoidable feces on a massive scale. Isn’t that why we invented the car? Because the horse manure was too much? It got in the air and it got in our lungs and it clogged the streets. But horse manure and human feces are different, I suppose. People don’t usually shit in the street. We don’t even think about our own need to defecate until we are forced to deal with its repercussions. Until we are forced to deal with a clogged main pipe of our house in the middle of the night, on a Saturday, in the frozen Canadian winter, during the Christmas holiday. And we pay the money to the plumber, who of course charges extra for the day and the late hour, and we keep on going—thinking only that that we have less savings in the bank, and that it is fixed, but is it fixed at all?

> This has descended into a discussion of human waste management.

> Nope.

> Next.

> take 3

> I can’t seem to begin anything, lately. I am awash in a weird, churning sea of beginnings. And I hate all of them. My mother says that there are three kinds of people in the world: people who are good at beginning things, people who are good at doing things, and people who are good at ending things. I always thought I was the middle one—good at doing things. So why do I only now have beginnings? I suppose, for me, this is a part of writer’s block. There is a strange beaver dam in my mind that I can’t seems to break through or scale over and the beavers are all so sweet and worked so hard and I don’t want to destroy their accomplishments. I have no answers. Only questions.

> What are the worst things people have done, for fear of being alone?

> Am I afraid of being alone, when I am not afraid of solitude? Just afraid of rejection? Maybe not afraid of anything. Just the usual: snakes, mice, balloons... I am comfortable with rejecting but not with rejection. I think this is a common, yet self-indulgent stance. There is nothing quite like being rejection to make us panic and betray all of our worst bits. I feel like my worst bits have been floating to the surface, like the bits that you skim off when you’re making stock. I hate the smell of turkey stock boiling on the stove. It smells like human flesh. It makes my head feel as though it is floating three unstable inches from my shoulders, disconnected from my throat.

> I think a lot about beginnings. I find them perplexing. There is a difference, of course, between the beginning of something and the act of beginning something. I know how to begin something: you just do it. There’s no other way. It’s the easiest thing in the world, which is also nearly impossible. You just have to do it. Grit your teeth, make yourself stand up, make yourself write something. That is the only solution. Often, I fail miserably. But I try.

> And I end up with lots of beginnings. I don’t always like them. Often, they don’t hold water. They spring leaks the moment any pressure is applied, and what then? How do you cope with mediocrity? Because most of what we all do is going to be pretty fucking mediocre. And you have to push through a lot of mediocre sludge to get to even the possibility of something good.

> Okay.

> take 4

Text & Image: Meredith Grace Thompson

Published: 15/1/20

#ON_____ series #Meredith Grace Thompson #essay #essays #beginnings #new year

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a-fight-we-have-to-win · 7 years ago

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Newsies as Immigrants Headcanons (Part 2)

Part 1

Albert DaSilva

- Portuguese

- him and his dad came over from the Azores Islands

- his dad works as a whaler which means Albert doesn’t see him for months or years at a time, and really at this point Albert has given up on him returning

- all he has left of him is a whalebone necklace his dad carved for him, he never takes it off

- the name DaSilva is Portuguese in origin, it means “forest”

- he maintains a lot of superstitions passed down to him from his dad

- like, he once changed his selling spot because too many black birds had gathered there

- the first newsie he met after his dad left was Race, he introduced himself as Anthony and Albert took it as a sign that he should stay with the newsies because Saint Anthony is one of the patron saints of Portugal

- he says Jack has a natural talent for the evil eye and should really be careful where he points that sucker

- being an island child, he’s one of the few newsies who knows how to swim and will generally take it upon himself to teach the younger kids and Race because dammit Jack, someone has to make sure they don’t drown

- he pretends to not like kids, but absolutely no one believes him and all the little newsies love him

- they’re convinced he’s a pirate and will follow him around begging for stories, and you know just because he helped his dad take over a boat once doesn’t make him a pirate, but he’ll make up stories for them anyway

- he speaks Portuguese, French, and English

- he and Finch have figured out how to speak to each other in French despite the differences in the dialects

- he’s a secret poet, he scribbles poems in Portuguese on old newspapers and then shows them to no one. Ever. No one is allowed to know.

Spot Conlon

- Irish

- Conlon is a very Irish surname derived from Gaelic Ó Connalláin, meaning Dog-Lion or someone who’s very strong

- his story is a lot like Jack’s, except he and his family came from Dublin

- unlike Jack, he still has family left

- his mother is often sick and can’t work, so he helps provide for them

- he has a sister and a brother who work in a factory, they all look after their mother and the younger kids

- a rumor exists among the newsies that Spot spat on his father’s body at his wake and returns to his grave every year to make sure he’s still dead

- no one has worked up the courage to ask Spot if that’s true

- he and Jack can and will hold lengthy arguments in Gaelic

- they will also occasionally give each other shit for their respective city, poor Racetrack is sitting in the middle so very confused

- everyone but the Brooklyn newsies have trouble understanding him through his accent, it’s why he tends to keep his sentences short, loud, and to the point.

- he still goes to church with his family every Sunday, a closely guarded secret among Brooklyn newsies, no other borough would believe them anyway

- Brooklyn has story nights at the Lodge where Spot will tell different Irish myths, he’s like a walking anthology

- and he even acts them out, doing different voices, leaping around the Lodging House pretending to be Fionn mac Cumhaill or Cu Chulainn locked in battle

- another closely guarded Brooklyn secret

- he has befriended crows and ravens in every one of the boroughs, they sometimes follow him or land on his shoulders

- this makes everyone extremely uncomfortable, which Spot finds hilarious

Mush Meyers

- German Jewish

- he came over as a baby with his mother escaping persecution in Berlin

- she died when he was little, so he more or less grew up inside the Lodging House, raised by newsies

- the name Meyers comes from the Hebrew word “meir” meaning “one who shines”

- he doesn’t really know he’s Jewish, or at least doesn’t quite know what that means

- he has a Star of David necklace given to him by his mother, it’s his good luck charm, he has it wrapped around his wrist because the clasp is broken

- it’s Davey that notices the necklace and asks him about it, Mush just sort of shrugs

- cue Davey dragging Mush back to his house and depositing him in front of his parents, like, someone fill him in, please

- it’s one of the reasons he spends a lot of time in the Jacobs’ house, but it’s also because him and Les get on like a house on fire

- he becomes something like the third Jacobs’ brother

- I have a lot of feelings about Mush and Davey being best friends, okay, I blame 92sies

- Davey will go to him if he has questions about being a newsie and Mush will go to Davey if he has questions about being Jewish

- his mother left behind a box of letters written in Hebrew and Davey helps him go through and translate them

- he discovers he has an uncle in Manhattan, his mother had planned to live with him and his family

- he takes Davey with him when he goes to meet them for the first time, they are so happy to see him and poor Mush doesn’t quite know what to do with that

- he ends up with more folks than he knows what to do with, so he just unilaterally decides to extend them to the newsies

- that’s how the Meyers family became the unofficial newsie safe house

Elmer Kasprzak

- Polish

- he’s the only one I don’t have to guess or extrapolate because his broadway trading card states that he’s one of nine siblings in a Polish family

- the name Kasprzak, shared by Elmer’s original actor Evan Kasprzak, is decidedly Polish, but see the thing is, Polish last names don’t usually mean anything

- I know because I have one, sometimes they’ll correspond to the name of a town or son of insert-name-here, but that’s about it

- anyway, Elmer is the son of Polish immigrants, he and his two older sisters remember Poland, but the other six came afterward

- his parents both work in factories, one sister’s married, the other works the night shift at a hospital

- he speaks Polish, German, and English

- everything he does is for his family, he lives in the Lodging House to give his younger siblings more space, but he visits them everyday

- approximately thirty seconds into his and Davey’s first conversation they discover that they were born one town removed from each other

- he gets it into his head that means they’re family and more or less adopts Davey and Les into the Kasprzak clan, but to be fair he does that with the other newsies too

- the Kasprzaks hold a Christmas dinner at the Lodge every year for this very reason

- speaking of, he loves Christmas, he’s responsible for the scrawny little Christmas tree in the Lodge

- he’ll make little snowflakes out of newspapers and stick them to the windows, he always saves up to put candles in the windows, all the little newsies help him

- the little newsies adore him, by the way, and he does his best to look out for them

- he, Albert, and JoJo are the Babysitting Squad™

Benjamin “Buttons” Davenport

- British

- described by Spot Conlon himself as “the only good Brit,” Jack agrees with this sentiment, Buttons doesn’t know what to do with this information

- Davenport is a locational surname, in this case meaning he likely came from Cheshire, England, let’s say Liverpool specifically

- he’s is a fierce Scouser, absolutely no one can understand his accent at first

- his dad’s a sailor and long ago he decided it was safer to live in the Lodging House than with his mother, so he doesn’t really see his parents and he would prefer it to stay that way

- England doesn’t hold many good memories for him, so he’s quick to adopt American culture

- he adores baseball, the different neighborhoods will sometimes meet up for a game and, they might be playing with a ball of twine and a busted pipe, but this kid is all over it

- he’s an excellent pitcher, but you know street rules means playing all the positions

- once during a Manhattan vs Brooklyn game, he ran a grand slam against Brooklyn, knocking the ball all the way into the East river and earning Spot Conlon’s respect

- he can sew, his mother taught him how, and he actually enjoys doing it, plus it’s pretty useful

- he collects buttons for the express purpose of fixing newsies’ vests and he hoards as much thread as possible

- he knows. How to. Darn. Socks. Fight me. It’s true. The newsies’ll find him in the corner of the Lodge with a small collection of their socks just… humming along, darning socks

- he hates coffee and has often asked the nuns if they have any tea, they surprise him one today with some, he is over the moon

- the newsies sometimes refer to him as their Yank

- he once called Spot Conlon a redcoat to his face

JoJo de la Guerra

- Spanish

- Guerra is a Spanish surname that means “war”

- in JoJo’s broadway trading card it says that he was raised by the nuns

- I can imagine his likely religious Spanish parents leaving him on their doorstep with nothing but his name, Jorgelino Josephino de la Guerra

- and the nuns call him Joseph, they only use his full name if they’re angry with him

- but the first newsie he meets, Elmer, hears that name and thinks… JoJo it is then

- he grew up watching the newsies and helping the nuns take care of them and he just wants to be a part of them so badly

- it’s like having siblings, he thinks, he’s already got a dozen mothers, he might as well add siblings to his family

- so the nuns let him, they wave him off to work every morning with coffee and biscuit in hand, blessed six ways from Sunday

- at first, he’s textbook sheltered, but he adjusts very quickly and such language

- the nuns taught him Latin and Greek in addition to English

- when he moves into the Lodging House it mysteriously becomes 100% cleaner overnight and no one can figure out why until they stumble upon JoJo trying to clean the fire escape

- he’s just trained to keep things clean, including himself, but the more time he spends with the boys the less he does it

- someone points out that good things tend to happen with him around, so he’s quickly accepted as the resident good luck charm

- the newsies come up with the notion that any water touched by JoJo becomes holy water, he tries to protest the idea

- it’s become a habit to touch their glasses to JoJo’s forehead before they drink

Bonus:

Katherine Pulitzer

- Hungarian

- the historical Joseph Pulitzer was an immigrant from Hungary, he moved to America and married Katherine Davis, their youngest daughter, Katherine Ethel Pulitzer, died in infancy

- but in our case, she survived to become the Katherine Plumber we know and love

- she doesn’t know anything about her father’s origins because he refuses to talk about it, if he addresses her at all

#newsies #newsies musical #newsies live #newsies 1992 #newsies headcanons #newsies hc #albert dasilva #albert newsies #spot conlon #mush meyers #mush newsies #buttons newsies #jojo de la guerra #jojo newsies #katherine plumber #katherine pulitzer #elmer newsies #elmer kasprzak

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anxiety-trademark · 4 years ago

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The week in review:

Raw 09/28 NXT 09/30 NXT UK 10/01 Smackdown 10/02 Takeover 31 10/04

Raw:

*bell rings*, *Asuka runs straight at her opponent*, *gets punched once by some weak ass looking shot*, *collapses uselessly* PPPFFFFTTTTTTTT

I hate that elbow kick off thing Zelina does. Becky used to have a hold like that in nxt. Hated it then, too. Awful.

That hurricanrana where Zelina fell on her ass, though. Wow. Okay.

Is it just me that thought the modified grounded octopus took awhile to cinch in? That was in for so long lol.

Why are women barely jumping for these german suplexes lately?

Omg that one-armed suplex by Asuka was great.

That kickout by Asuka was incredibly well done. What a perfect stretch with perfect timing. Zelina even tucked the left arm. Points.

Oh nice didn’t know Zelina could do a moonsault. And right onto the knees so the Asuka lock can be set in. Nice. Good ending.

That was better than their Clash match, and Zelina showcased different things, even if I wasn’t a fan of some of it.

Ah the debut of Mandy and Dana as a tag team.

I really like Lana and Nattie together.

Oh wow decisions that make sense and are building toward something. What alternate universe have I stepped into? Please bring back GMs and stop being so lazy, please.

I really don’t understand why they moved these women like weeks before the draft.

Alright let’s swap momentum... it’s time Dana gets some comeback before tagging Mandy.

That full 180 flip Mandy did to Lana was really cool. Not sure if Lana was meant to land on her left knee or flat, but I think it was supposed to injure her left knee. Beautiful.

Points to Lana for the kickout, negative points to Nattie for jumping in after the three.

I wish Dana had hit a bigger move against Natalya at the end.

The pump knee strike by Mandy was a little messy, I would’ve ended it with her other finisher instead. Good match though. Glad to see Dana and Mandy pick up some sort of momentum, especially on their Raw debut.

Also good for Lana not having to go through the table for a week *applause*

Mandy is fine on the mic. It’s not awful, it’s not super compelling; totally serviceable. Dana though... always comes off like she’s acting rehearsed lines or reading off a script.

Nice transition into the next segment. Quarter point.

Whether I like the Bianca video packages or not, it’s always a pleasure to hear her song.

LOVED the incorporation of the hurdles. That’s what I want to see, that shows me an actual challenge. I have no doubt in her strength or speed; I in fact do believe she’s the strongest and the fastest. They just aren’t showcasing that right lol. Give me something more convincing. Girl was jumping over fucking hurdles, that’s convincing.

Highlight: Dana & Mandy vs Lana & Nattie

---

NXT:

Shotzi has too long of an entrance imo.

Dakota Kai is such a spoiled little shit lmao. She’s so annoying. Big fan.

Really didn’t like Shotzi trying to do her ballpit line so early. I really wish she didn’t take so long to set it up as well.

Wow I hate that submission move Shotzi, I’m sorry. Dakota sells it like death though, so she gets a point.

Dakota’s style is way too fast for her to play a slow, methodical heel in the ring.

A one count lmao ballsy. Love Dakota’s reaction too.

Such a fan of Dakota’s selling.

Chicken wing german suplex into a pin? That was beautiful Shotzi, I agree. Great near fall.

A common complaint I have with women - even on the main roster - is how they go to do like a spear halfway through the ropes just to set up some counter to their move (kick, a pump kick, the rope hangup Bayley does, Charlotte shooting through the middle to roll you up) and that’s fine, but it’s always easily telegraphed. Step up please @ everyone.

oof that landing by Dakota; hit her face right on Shotzi’s knee.

What does Dakota call that kick, Scorpion or something? On the apron? Awesome stuff.

Holy shit that... flipping backdrop - (?) I don’t even know what to call that - on the apron was amazing, but holy shit Shotzi that landing was terrible. The concept is there but man you might wanna practice/modify that one a bit more.

Cool Rhea came down to fuck with Raquel, distracting Dakota, but the rollup was weak. Also weak that Rhea merely pushed Raquel into the steps once before walking back. Good match though.

Stalemate after a bunch of pin attempts with zero offense. Could live without these spots tbh.

Very close range kick, could’ve been set up far better.

Li rolls out of the ring, heel 101.

Kacy you can’t just yell at Kayden to get up lmao plz.

This is the first time I’ve seen any personality from Xia Li.

Ballsy one counts, what’s with the one counts tonight lmao.

Kacy is a bad cheerleader, just getting that out there.

I love that roll through + side kick combo Kayden does.

Whoa idk how Kayden pulled that win out of her ass, but good for her. I can see this is pushing Xia deeper into frustration every loss. Won’t complain about it, love to see Kayden win. Good, short match. A rollup works here.

Highlight: Dakota vs Shotzi

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NXT UK:

I love Xia Brookside’s music, but not with her or her entrance.

Now Jinny’s entrance/wardrobe/demeanor matches her music.

Sure Xia Brookside’s rolls were quick, but I’m not understanding why she rolled sideways lmao it’s like Link in Zelda.

If you’re not going to add an actual crowd or monitors, get rid of the hairdryer fans. If I can’t see them, and more importantly they don’t exist, then I don’t want to hear them.

Too many wrist locks. Also refs getting involved for no logical reason, just so the heel can take advantage, is annoying.

That back drop onto Jinny’s knee was ugly, hated the collapse. Took the impact out of it for me.

Nasty Irish Whip, points to both.

Nice flip off the hurricanrana.

Botched monkey flip. Perhaps Jinny didn’t think there was enough room for her to comfortably land; had she went for it and tucked her legs she definitely would’ve been fine. Feel like that was an amateur mistake, plenty of women would’ve just sold it with their legs getting caught up.

That was weird. Xia Brookside goes through all that trouble just to make sure she hit the monkey flip, just to lift Jinny’s head so Jinny could punch her. Weak.

Kick out was sloppy.

Xia Brookside is gassed and isn’t even doing any offense. Or selling. This match is odd. This would get booed on the MR.

Jinny stops to talk too much while wrestling. Obviously stalling. The dialogue isn’t even good for all of that noise.

Whatever. A match I could’ve lived without.

Lmao bow down? Queen of NXT UK?? Girl.... uh uh. Nah nah nah Go sit down.

Highlight: There was an Irish Whip into the corner that looked impactful

---

Smackdown:

Alexa’s pyro was better timed than last week, but it could use improvement. This is important to me damn it.

You know Alexa, my spine feels cold and my body goes numb every time I smoke my weed. Has anyone asked this girl if she’s on drugs? Could just be drugs.

Kevin/wwe, I don’t need you to tell me she’s brainwashed. WE CAN SEE that she’s brainwashed. This has been escalating for like... 2 months lmao.

The hairdryer crowd being piped in kinda ruins this. This is set up like a scene from a horror movie and the noise is taking away from it. A live crowd probably would’ve stayed silent for her, you could’ve lessened the mass effect.

Love how she just sits there watching Kevin pace around. That’s good. She’s good. Love how Kevin knew she was calling to the Fiend with that line. That’s good. This is good.

She sits there poised and unafraid, yet intrigued with him. Like his queen.

The power of this angle and the fate of it succeeding lies solely on Alexa and her selling of it. If she doesn’t sell this or believe in it, or fucks up once, it shatters the entire mystique. Man I’m a huge fan of this story rn.

Glad I didn’t bother guessing who this mysterious woman was. The glitz and glamour has got nothing compared to the moonwalking, trashtalking, Princess of Staten Island.

Love the rainbow on the polaroid camera though.

Decent enough promo but that music was awkward.

Why did y’all make Sasha just stand out there shifting her feet staring at the hard cam lol.

This is all solid Sasha but like Bayley already admitted all of this lmao.

Yes, we know you saved her title like 15 times, we ALL agree with you.

I actually like the emotion written all over Sasha’s face that comes across as ALMOST awkward.

What I don’t like about this feud: Sasha’s still an asshole, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to buy her as a babyface in like 3 weeks. She has the sympathy vote in a meta sense, sure, and I’ve been saying I want her to run SD on her own since November 2019, but that doesn’t mean she’s automatically a babyface within kf. Also annoying that they haven’t had a brawl that ends on equal footing, via interruption by officials or something. Also not sure how much I buy the character of Bayley being “too scared” to come to SD. If I could’ve gotten a quick interview by her, even if it’s her leaving the arena just as she finds out Sasha has arrived, that would’ve tied this together better.

Why she still staring at the hard cam lmao. Walk away. Leave. Make your exit. Alright whatever.

Highlight: Alexa becoming the Fiend’s queen

---

Takeover 31:

Man true, I forget Io has beat both Charlotte and Sasha this year. What a big year for her.

Love how this entire “arena” is set up, but my covid-paranoia does not approve.

Lol that one single guy trying to start a chant, goodbye.

BEAUTIFUL corrected monkey flip by Io

The attempt at the springboard by Candice was there. Could’ve been cleaner.

Good transition having Candice counter Io into a backstabber in the corner, cuz that offense was taking way too long to set up.

Commentator attributed Candice being slow in the beginning because she’s sad Johnny lost. Tired of the Garganos being tied to each other.

Why is every female heel on every brand dragging people’s eyes/face across the ropes all of the sudden?

It was not a nice move, she needs to stop doing her poor woman’s version of Natural Selection. Done.

Y’all are losing me, give Io some momentum plz.

Every single heel wants to go slow and methodical. Ridiculous. Where’s Sasha.

This was not paced well, ESPECIALLY compared to their first match. Their first didn’t breathe enough and was a sprint with not enough selling, but it was still really good. This is paced on the complete opposite spectrum. And not good.

Io has the best dropkick in the division, especially when you consider how safe her landing is for her own body’s longevity.

Totally no sold that powerbomb, Io. That’s a yikes.

Lmao Io kicked out of Candice’s springboard moonsault. Haha.

Got a meteora, 2 backstabbers, and a crossface... again, where’s Sasha???

Lmfao 2 ref bumps and a fake referee. GOD I HATE HOW WOMEN’S MATCHES ARE BOOKED THIS YEAR. The first bump didn’t even look legit.

Io took a title shot to the face yet kicked out, and y’all out here calling Becky “Cena” for kicking out of a chair shot to the midsection? Annoying.

I’m now convinced Charlotte has the best Spanish fly in the entire women’s division.

Rich having Toni do a promo directly aimed at Io, considering Toni beat her to win the MYC. Also rich how unbothered Io seemed lmao.

Ahhh the nxt women’s champion that should’ve won her title by defeating Asuka. We remember her well. Injured herself chasing the 24/7 title back when they were running the Becky/Charlotte vs Sasha/Bayley feud. Good times.

Highlight: Io’s theme song

---

*NXT shined the brightest out of all the other shows, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t give major props to specifically Alexa Bliss.

#wwe #issa review #feel free to ignore these #cuz who tf cares lesbihonest #today's props goes to:#alexa bliss

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madmaddy-life · 7 years ago

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that bunch of questions answered.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nah. I usually doubt my OWN existence... I know I imagined some people into reality, but what if someone imagined me?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 0. It’s the dark that have to be afraid of me.

3. The person you would never want to meet? Most of my old school enemies. I’d just kill them, so it’s better to never see them again.

4. What is your favorite word? Fuck.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Oak. I like Oaks. (or maple... Cool tree too)

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? I don’t look in the mirror unless I just have to. And I don’t have to. Usually I think “Hello, Ugly piece of shit.”

7. What shirt are you wearing? I wear teal green nightshirt, wtih two crowns and stars.

8. What do you label yourself as? Hate labels. They’re stupid.

9. Bright room or dark room? Depends. If it’s the room is bright because of the sun, and not lamps - then yes, bright room. If it’s dark because the lights is off, and I can turn it on - then okay too...

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? It all sucks, if I can remember. So - 5 years. I can’t remember what was then.

12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom. No one else does.

13. Your worst enemy? Me, myself. (also those assholes who make fun of me, my friends, and\or who’s unfair to everyone.)

14. What is your current desktop picture? Some autumn leafs and a fence.

15. Do you like someone? Yes, I do. But they’re taken. Yay me for being unlucky..

16. The last song you listened to? “I hate everyone” by Get Set Go. Heh.

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? If I could press that button - all humanity would be dead by now. Cuz, why play favourites, when everyone deserves a nice blow... Kekeke.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? All those school morons. And all those college assholes. And all of the dipshits who annoy me...

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Hahah. I’d either have one of my friends as a slave, and then just have them to be nice to me, and\or fuck... OR I’d have someone I don’t like as a slave, and just make them clean everything in my flat.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Hands. And maybe eyes... (that’s all I like about myself really.)

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? The same. I look pretty gender neutral. So, nothing would’ve changed.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I don’t have any secret talents. All of my talents are out, and dangling about...

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? It’s not unique - I’m afraind of asphyxia.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Peanut butter sandwich. I like peanut butter, and it’s too expensive here.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? MARKERS. I WILL BUY MARKERS. Or some other art supplies. (Or maybe snacks.)

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? England. I wanna see it all.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Jack Daniels whiskey. Give it to me.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? “No one is allowed on my island, exept ME.” That’s gonna be the single rule. I don’t need no stinking society on MY ISLAND.

29. What is your favorite expletive? FUCK }: D

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? Probably my laptop (or hard drive). All of my work in there. And I value it too much.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Myself. I am a horrible experience.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Let’s see. If I really do have time-traveling powers (and super-powers) I won’t give a shit about someone trying to get me kicked out of the country. No one has the power to do so. So, no problem. If that’s all a lie - then I’ll just move anywhere...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My grand dad.

34. What was your last dream about? I and a group of people were searching for an underground buker, to get to safety. When we get there, and open all doors - turns out that the bunker is flooded, and we can’t stay there. And the only thing I can do to keep my group safe - is to climb on the roof of nearby abandoned building and cover their retreat with a shiper rifle...

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? ... at anything at all? Yes. Yes I am.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? HA. HAHAH. Let’s COUNT. Not less than five times.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Sure. It was a year ago. Or maybe two. I can’t remember.

38. What is the color of your socks? Usually - gray. Or black. Or brown-ish.

39. What type of music do you like? It’s hard to explain. I like some specific tunes.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets. I’m always alseep at sunrises.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? I don’t drink milkshakes. Like, at all.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) Don’t watch sports. It’s boring for me...

43. Do you have any scars? A lot. I have a lot of tiny scars on my hands, from paper knife (and cats). One on my right elbow, from a nail - I fell on it. One on my left leg - I dropped a metal pipe from vacuum cleaner. And four scars on my belly from a surgery - got my gallbladder removed.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I already did that. And I don’t have any wishes... I was thinking about vandalising the walls of my institute. Maybe later I’ll do that. It was a shitty place.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I’d remove lasyness.

46. Are you reliable? Not really. I do things if I want to. If I don’t - I won’t.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? what the fuck happened to you?

48. Do you hold grudges? YES. Yes I do. I freaking hate people for the shit they’ve done to me... And I’d make them pay, if I saw them again.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? An owldog. A flying dog-like birb, who’s very faithfull.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Hmm, I’m not sure I’ve had one. Like, I’m okay with pretty much everything. I’ve been talking about a lot of stuff many concider unusual, weird of wicked.

51. Are you a good liar? Yes. I lie a lot...

52. How long could you go without talking? I barely talk. So I can be silent for many days.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? Short bang on the front (ridiculously short. My hair would stand up), with long hair on the back.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Not yet. But I baked cupcakes.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? I think so. I never really tried.

56. What do you like on your toast? MEAT. I like meat on anything.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? Two guys fucking. }X D That’s USUALLY what I draw.

58. What would be you dream car? Flying DeLorean that can go back in ti~iiime! }X )

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I don’t sing. I just sit and listen to the water running down. The sound is soothing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Sure. Why not. The universe is fucking big, who the heck knows what else is in there.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Nah. I don’t believe in THAT. (But in aliens - I do. Lol)

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Hmmm. M.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs. They EXISTED.

64. What do you think about babies? UGH. BLEUGH. WWWeeeeh! }X P

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. DICKS. DICKS-DICKS-dicks. < u >

#madd rambles #answers on questions no one asked #because I was bored

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

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How Knowing A Few Key Phrases Completely Changes Wrestling

The following collection of words will sound like total goddamn gibberish to most of you, but hardcore wrestling fans will know exactly what I’m saying: “Can you believe the canned heat they just piped in for that jobber? It was supposed to be a basic promo, but he worked himself into a shoot, and now smarks are going to be crying about how he needs a mouthpiece.”

This is one of the greatest parts of wrestling to me: the behind-the-scenes terminology. It says so much about the industry, once you know what it all means. Most of it was started in a time when wrestling was presented as a legitimate competitive fighting sport. They were code words that were only known to the people who were in the business. For instance, “jobber” is code for a sort of no-name wrestler whose sole purpose is to lose to bigger stars. But if it’s 1970, and you’re telling the world that the sport is “real,” you can’t exactly give away the fact that this guy’s job is “professional loser.”

But it gets better …

Mark/Smark

“Mark” is a straight-up conman term. It was used by carnival workers back in the ancient times when people went to carnivals on purpose. A “mark” was the victim of rigged games or the target of a con. So let’s say you were a worker who was running a game booth where the object was to knock down a stack of milk cans with a baseball, but one of them was filled with concrete … when someone walked by, showing interest, you’d think, “Here’s the mark who’s about to make me some sweet milk-can money.”

Outside of the “con” aspect, it was a carnival term that was used literally. If you were paying for your ticket, and the person in the booth spotted that you had a lot of money, someone would grab a bit of dirt or chalk and discretely mark your clothes, so the game-booth workers would know who had money to spend and who didn’t. That way, they didn’t waste their time on broke-ass punks who were just there to look at the shiny prizes.

A mark in wrestling is someone who gets really into certain performers or heavily buys into the story lines. You’re falling for their performance in the same way that you’re falling for the milk-can trick. In the most basic sense. In the world of wrestling fans, “mark” is often used as an insult. So if someone’s a fan of John Cena, and I often picture John Cena on fire, I’d insult that fan by saying, “Oh, so you’re another Cena mark, huh? What are you, twelve?”

At the same time, it’s a term of endearment. “Holy shit, I totally marked out when the Dudley Boyz returned!” Wrestlers typically love marks because it means they’re enjoying the show for what it is. Well, that and marks are pretty easy people to sell t-shirts to.

“Smarks” are a different story. It means “smart marks,” and they are typically people who keep up on the behind-the-scenes aspects of wrestling. They know when a performer has been legitimately injured, versus a story-based fake injury. They know which performers are dating. They know that the reason Chad Wrestleman has not been on TV for a month is because he got busted for snorting oven cleaner. Wrestlers. Fucking. Hate. Smarks.

You see, smarks are the ones who can get an entire crowd chanting about real-life controversies, right on the air. Recently, John “Bradshaw” Layfield has been in wrestling news for allegedly bullying one of the announcers right out of the industry. He’s been known as a piece of shit for years, but the newest story is what got smarks to lead the audience in a chant of, “FIRE BRADSHAW!” Smarks are the ones who got Nikki Bella to respond to them with this:

Via Twitter

That looks like a spilled Scrabble board to regular readers. A regular fan knows that when John Cena comes out, there is a long standing tradition of half the crowd chanting, “Let’s go, Cena!” The other half chants, “Cena sucks!” Smarks knew that Nikki Bella and John Cena had started dating in real life … so they modified that chant to, “You suck Cena!” Smarks aren’t exactly known for their wit and charm, but that shit made it on the air.

Work Yourself Into A Shoot

This is probably my favorite wrestling phrase, because it says so much about the psychology of performing. In general, when a wrestler picks up a microphone and goes into his or her spiel, that’s called “cutting a promo.” Everything they’re saying is adding to the promotion of a match, a story, a pay per view, a movie … whatever project needs pushed. All of the stuff they’re saying — in character and adhering to the story — is called a “work.” It’s scripted. It’s planned out in advance. I mean, obviously, they’re not going to let them grab a mic and start going off about how Hitler did nothing wrong. Unless the story demands it, in which case, it’s fair game. The point is, their words and actions are controlled. They’re worked.

A “shoot” can mean either 1) really fighting in the ring, like when Perry Saturn legitimately beat the fuck out of Mike Bell for botching a move, or 2) when a wrestler drops the character and starts talking about real shit. You mostly see this happening in interviews, outside of the WWE. Here’s Jim Cornette shooting about “accidental” nudity that happened in WWE matches in the past:

And here he is, shooting on the idea of shoot interviews:

“Working yourself into a shoot” can happen verbally or physically. It happens when you start off talking or wrestling as planned (a work), but as you go on, something legitimately pisses you off, and you start “throwing live rounds,” as Blue Meanie so eloquently put it (a shoot). The part that fascinates me is that the trigger that pisses you off doesn’t have to come from an outside source. Simply acting and getting too into the role can do it.

The best example of it happening, verbally, is on an episode of Talking Smack. That’s a scripted show (or at least partially scripted) by the WWE. On one episode, Smackdown general manager Daniel Bryan called “The Miz’s” wrestling style cowardly. He wasn’t talking about his in-story fights. He was talking about him as a performer, playing things too safely. Though Miz tried to bring things back around to a character-driven response in the end, everything else is him legitimately losing his shit. Note: That is just my opinion, based on knowing how he sounds when he acts mad. If this is all acting, he deserves an Oscar:

The thing about a shoot is that it’s a double-edged sword. Say too much and badmouth the wrong person, and they’ll fire your ass. But do it in just the right way — which means getting lucky, because you’re in no position for self control when you’re that pissed off — and the critics will praise you forever. That video above is considered to be The Miz’s best work of his entire career.

Canned Heat Vs. Legit Heat

You’d think that “canned heat” and “legit heat” would be opposite terms, but they’re fairly unrelated. Both are important, though, in understanding the psychology of the business.

Sometimes, an audience simply isn’t into a character. Maybe he’s just a boring turd. Maybe the crowd is exhausted after a couple hours, and they’ve lost the energy to cheer and boo at every little thing that happens in the ring. When an on-air wrestling promotion wants the people at home to buy into the illusion of excitement, they’ll “pipe in” boos or cheers. I don’t know if wrestlers call it “canned heat,” but fans do.

This is especially useful if the promotion wants a certain character viewed in a specific way. If the crowd suddenly starts liking and cheering a heel (bad guy), they might replace those cheers with pretaped boos and even new commentary. Personally, I couldn’t give less of a shit whether they do it or not. I just find it interesting that crowds are unpredictable, and sometimes for the benefit of the overall product, you have to steer the at-home viewers in a specific direction. If I had the time to rig it up, I’d pipe in canned heat every time I entered or exited my house.

“Legit heat” is what gives smarks their gossip boners. It can sometimes be used to describe a crowd that legitimately hates a character, but it’s more frequently used among fans to talk about performers who are in real-life, behind-the-scenes tiffs. Here are a bunch of wrestlers talking about legitimate backstage heat in the form of beating the urine out of each other:

But “legit heat” can also mean getting in trouble with the big dogs. Vince McMahon is fairly notorious for losing his shit on wrestlers who screw up or say the wrong thing on the mic … or, hell, just don’t look the way he wants them to look. Put “Vince McMahon heat” into YouTube, and you’ll get 127,000 results.

YouTube

But that says a lot about the business to me. In a testosterone-fueled industry where your main job is doing physically demanding stunts and pretending to punch each other, sometimes arguments are settled backstage by actually punching each other. It doesn’t seem to happen as often in the modern era of wrestling, but “legit heat” absolutely still exists because humans are humans. It just means, now, that someone is mad at you because you’re a big ol’ stupidhead.

Working Stiff

Hehehehe. “Working stiff.”

OK, that’s enough of that. Working stiff is a real thing, and it has nothing to do with their big ol’ hogs. When you’re timing a punch, it’s not all about stopping your fist just short of hitting the guy straight in the suckhole. Some wrestlers do that. Some use punches that actually land — they’re just done in a way that isn’t as painful or face-destroying as a full-on, “real” hit. They keep their fist loose, and the impact lands in a very specific spot. There are many ways to make a punch look real if you have the talent (and your opponent has the talent) to pull it off.

Others will actually clock you and demand that you clock them back. Not full-on, mind you … but enough contact that you’re definitely going to fucking feel it. Sometimes, that’s done to make the match look more realistic. Sometimes, it’s done to test new members of your roster. When The Dudley Boyz entered the WWE, they were put into a match with The APA, and … well, the Dudleys can tell you about it:

It basically boils down to, “We hit them about as hard as we could hit them. And they hit us about as hard as they could hit us. Then we went backstage and hugged, and it was awesome.” You know, like one does.

One of the stiffest wrestlers on the current roster is “Sheamus.” He’s known for laying into forearms, punches, and kicks to the point that at last week’s pay per view he kicked Jeff Hardy’s tooth right out of his goddamn skull.

These days, it’s not so much about punishing a new wrestler. It’s mostly about making the matches look real, because if you’re making actual contact, that’s about as real as it gets. The only way you can mess that one up is … well, if you knock a dude’s tooth out of his facehole. But it’s still pretty amazing that the recipients of those shots take it and keep on performing, because they know that the more they sell it, the more they’re worth as performers. Personally, I’d just start crying until I puked if they did that to me.

Mouthpiece

One thing casual fans take for granted is a wrestler’s ability to work a microphone. It’s not enough that he’s huge, athletic, and able to pull off the match without hurting anyone. If he can’t speak in front of a crowd, he’s just a meat prop. And if he’s boring, people will simply make a concerted effort to not give a fuck. That’s where a mouthpiece comes in.

A “mouthpiece” is someone who speaks for the wrestler, while he just stands in the background, looking like he’s about to rip your entire fucking head off. It sounds stupid, but when you put two people like Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman together, it’s pure magic:

When Jack Swagger picked up a microphone, he caused tens of thousands of people to fall into a mass coma. He couldn’t even get them to boo, and that’s what we as fans like to do the most. So what do you do? Do you turn him into a jobber and then fire him? Well, they actually did that, eventually … but at the time, the obvious solution was to create a militant, racist character named Zeb Colter and let him do his thing:

The only words spoken by Jack Swagger in that entire promo is, “We the people.” That’s it. His entire job was to stand there like an indoctrinated soldier, while Zeb preached his racist message. The crowd hated them, which was exactly what the WWE wanted. Sure, eventually people turned the other way and started cheering them because the world is an ever-growing ball of crazy, but the point is that the mouthpiece was the savior of that character.

All of these terms boil down to psychology. Manipulating people’s emotions and perspectives to get them to react the way you want. It’s why I love wrestling so much. It’s not just “two oiled-up dudes, violently hugging each other.” It’s an emotional magic show. “We’re going to get you excited. Now, we’re going to piss you off. Now, we’re going to make you laugh. Now, we’re going to make you think you run the show.” It’s brilliant, but the thing you see on TV is only the curtain. The real tricks are being done behind it.

At the very least, you should know what that ridiculous quote from the beginning of this article means, now.

John Cheese is the head of columns for Cracked. You can also find him on Twitter.

The proliferation of beer pong and craft beer may have you think that we’re living in one of the peak times to get drunk, but humans have been getting famously hammered for millennia. Like a frat house’s lawn after a kegger, history is littered with world-changing events that were secretly powered by booze. The inaugural games of the Roman Coliseum, the drafting of the U.S. Constitution, and the Russian Revolution were all capped off by major parties that most attendees probably regretted in the morning.

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/how-knowing-a-few-key-phrases-completely-changes-wrestling/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/01/09/how-knowing-a-few-key-phrases-completely-changes-wrestling/

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

How Knowing A Few Key Phrases Completely Changes Wrestling

But it gets better …

Mark/Smark

Via Twitter

Work Yourself Into A Shoot

And here he is, shooting on the idea of shoot interviews:

Canned Heat Vs. Legit Heat

You’d think that “canned heat” and “legit heat” would be opposite terms, but they’re fairly unrelated. Both are important, though, in understanding the psychology of the business.

YouTube

Working Stiff

Hehehehe. “Working stiff.”

Mouthpiece

At the very least, you should know what that ridiculous quote from the beginning of this article means, now.

John Cheese is the head of columns for Cracked. You can also find him on Twitter.

Get your tickets here:

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/how-knowing-a-few-key-phrases-completely-changes-wrestling/

0 notes