#i hate uprising. i need to fix it. i need to write my own uprising..

[latestageyouth]

i imagine that while under the influence of the precursors, newt fell into a very doomsday cult-esque mentality, his perception distorted due to the isolation he had gone through.

i think the precursors didnt even have to do much to get newton to isolate himself. past a certain point, he just got into such a mental state that he started doing that on his own for the "safety" of his loved ones, and because the thought of them finding out about the precursors drifting with him and using him like an involuntary spy was unbearable to him.

i think that more than newt establishing a bond with the precursors, he instead placed trust into their plans of the world ending. a very like, milleniarism perspective, bc of all the stuff they fed to him over the course of years.

the precursors carried such a conviction of their plans into the drift that newt got subconsciously infected with it

[bluboothalassophile]

Okay, because of this attack, I’m revisiting sites for cross postings. Wattpad, sadly, is one I’m going to. I hate me for that. Anyways, I’ll also be cross posting on FFN again, I’ve turned off all PMs on there, I don’t want any hate again. I’ll be examining other sites to post on, and if I compile a few other sites, I’ll post where I’m at. For the most part, this is the username I’m sticking to, so I’ll be easy to find. 

My primary site of preference will remain Ao3, things like the One Shot Collection, and most of my DC content will remain there because DC crossover posting on FFN is a pain, and the main reason I left it, DC fandom is so vast I hated crossover posting. I’m not inclined or interested in posting the one shots on Wattpad either. However, I’ll be cross posting any TVD/Originals, ASoIaF/HotD, and other fandoms I might write for.

Stories being cross posted are as follows; and next week I’ll focus heavily on making this transfer, just not this week:

-Begin Again -- Kolvina -- Mikael discovers Esther's treachery of having sold his daughter to her sister in exchange for children and seeks to recover Freya in the Old World; after a brutal divorce where Mikael takes his children against Ayana's pleadings and flees from Esther. Dahlia forms an alliance with Mikael though when she discovers a second and third witch child in Mikael's bloodline; and a secret of Esther's own bloodline. Betrayed and infuriated, Esther casts a curse upon her own blood, leading Mikael and Dahlia to forge a spell for immortality until the curse can be broken.

-Fallen Into the Web of Wyrd -- Kolvina -- Davina lost Kol by the hands of his family. And after they callously utilized and betrayed her to gain what they needed rather than assisting her, she turned to their greatest foe with an offer too good to be refused. In the coming years though, with the comfortable life Davina built through blood, sweat, tears, and magic, it has come under threat as Inadu's growing presence; which has consumed the youngest Mikaelson and spreads like a cancer through the supernatural world. Now the Mikaelsons turn to the family they've scorned, pleading for aid.

-The Vixen & Fox -- Kolvina -- Davina and Kol just went to Mystic Falls to check in on their niece and research a mysterious dark object that just appeared on their kitchen counter.Next thing Davina knew she was waking up the day after the Harvest, and last thing she clearly remembered was dying. Now she's stuck in her 16 year old body! Well... Since she's here she might as well fix things before the Mikaelsons can mess it up, again. History isn't stuck on repeat after all.

-The Secret & the Legacy -- Kolvina -- There's a few secrets between the worlds and realities which the Skulk had long since woven and now it's under threat as a hunt for the Armillary Sphere and Key begin. Now it's a race of time to prevent the new worlds from colliding into one another, still secrets are surfacing and legacies are being challenged.

-Lost in Time -- Kolvina -- Davina Claire is the most hated and coveted Harvest Girl to ever be, and somehow Fate and Time have pulled her back in time. Falling a thousand years back she finds herself in one of the harshest times she could imagine, and before her is Kol, Son of Mikael, a feared and revered Viking.

-Wolves Amongst Dragons -- Aemond x Sansa -- Through unknown means, Sansa Stark finds herself trapped in the start of the year 126 AC, just after Cregan's uprising and reclaiming of his position as Warden of the North and Lord of Winterfell. Between an uprising and now a blight on crops, the North faces a coming famine which will decimate their ranks if they do not find aid from the crown. Desperation forged Cregan and Sansa's alliance, and now Sansa seeks to play the game she was taught so well in an effort to save the North by going south.Let it be known, no good ever came to a Stark who went South.

-Winter is Coming -- Aemond x Sansa -- The match was arranged to save the Realm, a match between Lady Sansa Stark and Prince Aemond "One-Eye" Targaryen, in the summer of the year 128 AC. Despite the celebrations of the coming Royal Wedding the South faces civil war and a succession crisis which is meant to tear the dynasty of the Targaryens asunder, but it is all carefully concealed as a rising faction gives way between the Greens and Blacks. While Prince Aemond struggles to balance secrets and duty in face of the ruination the Targaryen dynasty faces.Let it be known, no good ever came from a Stark coming South.

-The False Bride of Sesshōmaru --  Sesshōmaru x Rin -- He was ordered to marry Higurashi-hime by his father. She was commanded to marry him in exchange by her shōgun.

-Birthright of the Exiled --  Sesshōmaru x Rin --  It was said that he was the most feared weapon of the Inu no Taisho's army, so feared by his father that it was said he was exiled for killing his mother. But now the Inu no Taisho grows weak and with unsuitable heirs left to rule it is time to summon his eldest son home. But no one knows where Sesshōmaru-sama is.

-Never Be the Same --  Sesshōmaru x Rin --  It isn't unusual for people to disappear, to fall into the river of time. But to survive falling into time will take wits, and trust to embark into the unknown while on a quest against the greatest evil known to the world. Now Rin finds herself navigating political kami, wild yōkai, power hungry humans, with only Sesshōmaru as a constant and Magatsuhi's threat looming over her head.

Remaining Exclusive To Ao3 Will Be The Following:

-Rody & the Princess

-ALL of the Hopes for a Bastard Series - What is already Cross Posted Will Remain On the Other Sites, but that’s it, everything will be exclusively on Ao3

-ALL of my DC content -  What is already Cross Posted Will Remain On the Other Sites, but that’s it, everything will be exclusively on Ao3

-Always & Forever

-Calm in the Storm - What is already Cross Posted Will Remain On the Other Sites, but that’s it, everything will be exclusively on Ao3

-Something Just Like This - What is already Cross Posted Will Remain On the Other Sites, but that’s it, everything will be exclusively on Ao3

-A Dance of Fire and Ice

Just Because I Am Posting On FFN Again Does Not Mean I Am Writing Naruto. I Want Nothing To Do With Any Of That. If I Could Orphan All That Shit I Would. Do Not Follow Me For Any Naruto Content.

Hey omg this is critical times cause ao3 is down and I was literally mid-read on Wolves amongst Dragons I’m dyinggggg,, is it posted anywhere else? Cause man I’ve gotta finish it it’s soooo good

Hello,

Sadly, I do not have it posted anywhere else, primarily because I HATE Wattpad, FFN is dying slowly, and I don't like the lay out. But after this little kerfuffle with Ao3 I'll try to find another site to cross post it, and a few other things on.

[ackerpreach]

This ending .... I can name 500 reasons and I will name them right now, because I don’t think I’m the only one who is upset with how things turned out. (Also, A positive message for all of you at the end)

MAJOR LEAKS SPOILERS/ READ WITH CAUTION

Update: after reading more theories from fellow RM bloggers, and sleeping over it one day, this entire chapter might be an april fools... Don't fully lose hope yet beautiful people. It's me just giving a review on a possible fake April fools chapter

After following this franchise since 2013, so nearly a DECADE. this ending is a pure disserve to the entire fandom. I feel like Yams has rushed it just for the sake of being done with the entire manga. So many things are left open, characters and their developemt are reverted back all the way to chapter 1 or are left even worse than that...

Mikasa’s worthless character development/ Aaronmika’s horrible toxic codependent relationship 

Oh honey... Let’s start with how horrible Isayama has treated her. We were all rooting for her, because we all felt like she was so misunderstood. She had a horrible childhood and imprinted on a guy who treated her like trash 99 percent of the story. And then, slowly but surely, she starts to realize she has to stop obsessing over him in the uprising arc with the help of a real man who treats her like a queen, more importantly, he treats her like a real human being. This man sees her for her abilities and that she has the power to be self dependent. She learned parts of herself, that she was able to work together with him like no one else could.  She learned parts of herself she was unable to do so if she kept obsessing about Aaron. All this love, care, mutual understanding and RESPECT these two shared. 

but...NAH FUCK THAT, right Yams?? Throw all this development away, all this bonding. Let’s make the main female lead even more yandere than she already was in the first season. Let her make out with his decapacitated head (like dude, this is also pure disrespect to Aaron’s dead body btw) and let her obsess even more about the guy who has treated her no better than a piece of toilet cloth 99 percent of the time. The guy who was never really appreciative in front of her for saving his ass billions of times, who always pushed her away, who yells at her and snaps at her whenever he can instead of reasoning and talking calmly with her in mature way. (EVEN PARODY YOUTUBE CHANNELS WHO DONT SHIP ANYTHING MAKE IT A TROPE WHERE AARON TELLS MIKASA HE HATES HER GUTS WHENEVER HE CAN) 

Then after all that, suddenly Yams tries to last minute persuade us Aaron’s always been head over heels for her???  He should have build their relationship better which he hasn’t even tried to do so... He must be thinking his fans are stupid for eating this from his hands.    

Like seriously??? What is this??? 

Isayama is just fully contradicting himself. It’s like someone tipped him off with a buttload of money for him to write Aaron like this to satisfy shipping needs and to cash in those extra money’s from it. Even if he tried to cater to Erem*ika, this is not how you write a loving and caring couple which people will root for. 

This next two panels just freaking infuriates me to the core of my soul. I can’t even describe how dissapointed I am with Mikasa. 

Why is she clutching that head so obsessively like that?  Why is she walking and turning her back away from her comrades? After everything they have done for her, after all they’ve been through?! After everything Armin has done? Standing up for Mikasa, beating up Aaron for hurting her. I feel like even Jean, Connie and Sasha have cared more for her in a healthy way.  Sure, Aaron cares for her romantically too apparently (What a twist Yams :)), but has he aided her to becoming a mentally healthier individual? Has he aided in her mental stability? The answer is a big fat NO!  All I see between these two after today’s raw Chapter’s are too Yandere obsessed individuals who have no clue on how to maintain a healthy relationship. 

Love should only go as far as the heart can endure and it seems like her character is not willing to be aware of that. Even Armin was able to let go of Aaron in those latest panels. Why does her entire character resolve around this guy??? I really do not understand. Her Ackerbond and her age is not an excuse for her to throw her life away like this. 

Shonen’s disgusting portrayal of women 

I’ve seen this countless of times in the many years I’ve watched anime. SasuS*ku from Naruto, Ichih*me from Bleach, Shinji and that oranged hair girl from Neon Evangelion.. Why do these women get decreased to simpletons with one single goal? And that is to obsess over a bland male lead who either treats them like trash or doesn’t notice them up until the last last chapter (LITERALLY WHAT YAMS HAS DONE). Some go even as far as the male leading wanting the kill the female love interest and yet the female lead is still in love with them???. It’s disgusting for him to write the MAIN female character this way. 

It’s dissapointing we believed in Isayama doing Mikasa’s character right. That she’s finally being able to let go of her codependency and to live for herself maybe live in Hizuru and find more about her roots???, but every single time she shows some improvement, it’s burried deep in the ground again by the Author. It almost seems like a lowkey kink of some of the male Mangaka’s to write about a girl obsessing over them no matter what. I see this so many times to the point that I truly stand behind it that some of them might have this fantasy. 

I wished he didn’t portray her last panels like this. Everyone else is living their lives while Mikasa is still grieving about him. I’m not saying she’s not allowed to grieve and everyone takes it at their own pace, but cmon... Show her living her life too. This is too much. Her being next to his grave and grieving him as her last panels just shoves it in our faces that YET AGAIN, BEING OBSESSED WITH AARON IS ALL HER CHARACTER STANDS FOR. 

I truly despise how Isayama handles her grieving, kissing his decapacitated head, carrying it around like some handbag, and her last panels being thissss.

The world leaving Paradis alone miraciously after all that??? 

It’s so weird and out of place with so many political feuds and disagreements between the world and Paradis, the entire Rumbling happening and we can see Mikasa just chilling outside in Paradis with no one bothering them. You can see the rings of the walls in the picture below.  I don’t know the exact reason behind as the manga is still in Korean, but from what I see, the story went the route of: throwing a happy ending without enough proper reason and  it was all fixed just like that in a snap! It doesn’t fit the entire narrative of attack on titan for things to be so peacful out of nowhere. When it comes to the narrative, how things work in that world, how hard it is to achieve peace, everything made somewhat sense up until chapter 138. 139 seems so so out of place...  It’s like I’m reading a chapter from a totally different manga. 

Aaron Yoghurt got defeated so easily/ Aaron’s character assassination

The build up on the first part of the rumbling was great, those kids carrying coins. You could feel humanity’s fear and Aaron’s hatred in those pages. As if he truly had a goal and he has turned away completely from his comrades and his closest friends with no return. The world seemed truly doomed, but he  got defeated just like that. He was in the nape all this time (because screw the warhammer power of hiding yourself elsewhere in his ginormous titan body). There is no master plan as we all expected, and in the end he just acts all yandere in the paths with Armin and that’s it... They massacared his entire character as well. Many fan theories created a better ending with his character. Him being reincarnated as Historia’s baby would be so much better. For him to still keep on seeking and to strive for power. It has always been his motive. It’s his personality from the start until chapter 138. Even if things are okay, to keep on going and to seek that adventure, but then.. He’s so weak and directionless suddenly.. It’s so weird... This is not Aaron at all???

Using Aaron for him this entire post, because I don’t want others to invade our tags... :)))

Historia’s baby 

The only panel we got from Historia’s child was this. Just a normal kid, normal life... Why did Isayama put so much effort in highlighting Historia’s pregnancy if it was nothing too spectacular anyway? It seemed he had major plans for this kid and for their development too??? It’s again, big plans, big developments, big relationship dynamic, but all  got thrown out of the window... 

Don’t read the next sentence if you are a minor :’) 

It’s like almost ejaculating, but stopping right before it and repeating that every single Arc.

My energy when writing about this chapter is the same as Nostalgia Critic and his hatred for atla the live action

In Conclusion...

I know us fans should not be deciding on how this story should end, because this is Isayama’s story after all, but I truly wished for him to wrap up things much more rounded. There are so many unanswered questions... Again, I think for the sake of being done with this manga, he rushed all of it. He’s become a millionaire from this story and now his pockets are jammed full, I guess he doesn’t need to put in any effort anymore, right? Perhaps a controversial opinion, but I really wished he cared for his fans a little bit more with this last chapter by giving some answers that make sense at least. It’s his fans who gave him this platform and the opportunity to tell his story and for him to at least give in a bit of effort especially in the last chapter is the least he can do. Rivamika being canon or not, he truly rushed it without thinking much about the entire story line. He expanded it so much, he didn’t know how to bind it all together.

Even after all this, I’ll still ship them in the headcanon type of way. I do give credit to Isayama for giving us a template for such a beautiful dynamic between Levi and Mikasa. He decides to waste it, but that doesn’t mean we have to.  I want to thank all the people with amazing writing skills, the ones who give us beautiful art like @carmenlee @phit chan @vialesana​ and many more. I want to remind all of you that we can create something beautiful of our own and we don’t neccesarily need canon lore for that. The art I’ve seen, the fanfictions I’ve read have touched me deeper than Isayama ever could at times.The Mikasa in our mind is appreciate of Levi, is mature, classy and has a strong will for herself. They spend their remaining days together peacefully. Keep writing, keep drawing, stay creative. 

I love you all so so much, I’ve only been publicly active since March, but thank you Rivamika fandom for giving me so much joy as a lurker these past 7 years <3

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

Heyo! I was wondering if you could do a scenario during the uprising arc where the reader starts to realize she has feelings for Levi but at first he rejects her? Then during the night before Shiganshina he realizes about her feelings and ends up returning them knowing he doesn't want her to get hurt or die? Some angst fluff please and thank you!

Okay anon you have no idea how much I enjoyed writing this. It's super long and I love how it came to me so naturally. I hope you enjoy

Warnings: a little angst!?

Tags: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

Promise

It all started at the sight of his wet fingertips grazing the broken rim of a teacup. A flutter, a feisty spark in your heart that seemed to drown it in full might had made its presence known to you in a very particular, unwanted moment. The flicker of a tiny flame danced before your eyes, sat at the frame of the window near the sink where you proceeded to rinse through washed dishes.

Levi's pale, chapped skin pulled on his knuckles leaving an unnatural yellowish white tone behind, indicating his involvement with excessive amounts of cleaning products. And for the first time, the sight really pulled a string in your poor heart in a way that was enough to convince you to break the dense silence in the room.

But maybe, you thought, Levi wouldn't want to talk to you.

With an unforgiving steel gaze he stared at your face, blinking in soft, yet erratical paces as you stopped plumping the water from running. In response your tongue was forced to slip inside your mouth and push any unspoken word back to its source, in the depths of your brain. All of a sudden you felt so afraid to talk, so petrified by the general idea of a three syllabus word that wouldn't ever spare the misery off of anyone.

Rejection

Captain seemed to be on the rejective side nevertheless so nothing regarding your newly discovered feelings would matter to him anyway, so in a way you blamed yourself for getting overwhelmed with this whole situation. A dark cloud of doubt shadowed your mind with the intention of interrogating your heart's intentions; perhaps you were mistaken. How on earth could you have been in love with the short man, you didn't know. There were far too many differences between the two of you, be it in appearance, mannerism or even -and more importantly- experiences. Supposing you had lived through similar occurances in battles outside the walls was enough for anyone to consider the two of you to be very alike, it was at least dishonorable to compare your childhood or teenage years to his.

"Nice hands" Of course you had managed to utter the most embarrassing choice of words to him, your mind could never cooperate with you when it came to such serious situations, something you hated so very much. The obnoxious dryness of your eyes was slowly migrating in the caves under your tongue, you could feel your mouth drying more and more by each passing second, yet you did nothing to prevent it.

Judging by Levi's puzzled expression which included his head slightly tilting forward as if to hear you better you knew he was as awestruck as you were at your own words. "I don't really understand where you're coming from but thank you, I guess." He spoke, the usual monotone tint staining his voice. You whipped your head back to a fixed position -on your hands this time- to stare down at the sink. The awkward glances you would throw at him went seemingly unnoticed and as time passed by you felt your tention overwhelming you, this time, completely.

Levi wasn't dense to any body language thrown at him and you were painfully aware. His cold eyes never spared you not even a half cornered look as he rubbed the little sponge on the soap bar next to him. His fingers danced on the ceramic plate, cleansing it in fast and very effective movements, leaving you staring in awe. Whether he was ignoring you on purpose or not you didn't know and you didn't want to seek an answer as to why but at this rate he would probably be the one to inquire why you were burning holes in his hands with your gaze. Again.

"I'm so sorry I'm fixated on your hands" Your mouth run, ignoring your mind's orders to stay shut "It's just-" Dammit think quick for once "You have nice nail beds."

There it was. The evidence that your words had actual brains and that they formed the most improper sentences on their own, just to torture you and push you deeper into piles of goowey, mushy shit. If Levi was anyone else he would have been laughing his ass of at the stupidness of your speech, you knew you would be laughing too if this wasn't as serious. Just as you were sure you heard a chuckle Levi placed the sponge on the bar of soap carefully and extended his arm, fully displaying his hand.

He seemed to study it like it was the first time he had ever even noticed it. The slick, long fingers, the oval shaped nails, his torn open knuckles. Perhaps you were kidding him for the lack of hair on the base of fingers he used to hold his blades with, those were burnt with years of being worn out by the steel triggers of the blades. He speculated this was common among most soldiers, so it didn't seem like a reason to be kidded for and in addition you never were the person to just spit senseless insults as jokes to your comrades.

"Is there even a point to talk about my hands? They're normal hands to me."

You bit your lip as your eyes widened in shock. Realisation hit you that this was probably more that absurd to Levi as it was to you, seeing you had started to talk about his hands out of nowhere. Your mind, in a state of panic, was in the midst of attempting to process every idiotic sentence you had the audacity to blurb out, but it never seemed to find an answer. Boiling with embarrassed, you wiped the water of your hands to your pants, an act that caught Levi's eye, and went to grab the first wooden chair that was in your path. You needed to sit down, to process whatever this was.

Yet, the only explanation you could find was that there was a raging wildfire in the pits of your stomach everytime your thoughts wandered on Levi. Yes, it was possible that what had started as an admiration, a tiny spec of a crush for the slender featured man had been growing on you since forever, but you had always burried it deep, in any hellhole that should accommodate such emotions as this was war and not the plot of sappy romance novel.

The air was cut down short in the room when Levi sat at a chair beside you, watching you over in such demanding manner that only he could master. He proceeded to light the only candle that stood at the middle of the table, possibly in hopes of flaring a conversation or causing a sane sequence of sentences to finally fall from your tongue. It was still unbeknownst to him what had caused you to trip over words as if you were a learning toddler and he yearned to find out, as a sole friend, not as the stern corporal he presented himself to be.

"(y/n)" His voice was tender as he spoke either much mindful to the teens who were sleeping in the next room or unwilling to let a private conversation between the two of you be heard. "If you think I can help with whatever is going on quit acting like a brat and tell me what's on your mind."

Momentarily, you wondered whether he'd stick to his words in case you spilled your heart's infatuating agony but you felt unable to think of a possible dominating scenario in the chaos of your mind. As self destructive as it sounded, you'd prefer to be the one to break your own heart rather than having to stand back and be a martyr to him tearing it off your chest and tearing it. Knowing Levi, this wasn't anything physically impossible, but you doubt that he could ever be as harsh with you.

"I'm just stressed. I have a lot on my mind."

"Erwin's trial and the future of the scouts, huh? Or is it that Hange works your ass off with those experiments?" You scoffed in denial to all of his inquiries, knowing full well that you could have used them as excuses. Levi's sharp hand began a short trip with sole purpose to land at the top of your head, through your loose locks, in an affectionate manner, a little something you had picked up he would do when he really cared for someone. Everyone knew he wasn't particularly touchy, except for some emotional moments with his closest people; a hand on a shoulder and a pat in the head were mostly what you had witnessed him indulging. His hand ruffling with your hair wasn't profound and new at all, he had done so many times after the two of you would strongly disagree over formations and orders, showing you how much he appreciated your strong wits and your clever ideas. What was new was that the lone touch burned your sculp like hot iron and made your insides twitch.

"I'll make us some tea" the screeching creak of the chair being pushed back shook of your train of thoughts enough to form a reaction to his hand that still rested on your head. Almost as if he didn't want to take it off "We can discuss your problem in a-"

"Sit down" you demanded, voice stern, masked with seriousness that caught him off guard. "Take your hand off my hair, it hurts." You pleaded with your eyes to stay as dry as they were before but you were certainly unsure of whether they'd listen. "Can't you see?"

What was there not to see really. Levi probably knew of your fondness of him way before you managed to realise, as in second thought every move you had ever made in his presence betrayed you. He would have never tried to provoke a confession just to laugh at you, that you were sure of, but he had never made a move in reciprocation either, that alone made you sure of your confessions future's end and caused your gut to spit even more fire to the rest of your insides.

Levi was not perplexed, not even for a single moment, at your words that seeked to stab like daggers, he wouldn't allow himself to be toyed by his own emotions just this once. This is an erratical reaction to his touch, a rejection of his affections towards you and he feared he knew the reason. For someone as bright and emotional as you he never would have thought that you could have hid such tormentous emotions so well inside you, only to end up at this moment of snapping.

As much as he'd like not to be hurt in the slightest by your demeanor he couldn't help but feel a tiny string of his heart being pulled. Suddenly it was evident to him why you couldn't take part in normal conversations around him or why you acted so tense in his presence, why you were so rejective of his touches and he wondered if he should have done anything besides unknownably torture you for so long. Whether his heart wanted to hear a confirmation out of your mouth to it's pained pleading for reciprocation, his mind ignored. The time would never be right and as egoistical as it seemed he couldn't bear to lose someone else that close to him, let alone a significant other. From his experience feelings of love and adoration should never be spoken out loud in this cruel world, amongst soldiers, especially. It wouldn't lead to any good.

When you proceeded to speak the pit in his stomach was already welling in frustration and denial. "Levi we've known each other for years and whatever's forcing me to much on my words should stop."

None can do, this couldn't happen here, now, while being on the run by military police as collective criminal. Levi wouldn't allow you to speak those earth shuttering words, even if wanted for them to chaste kiss his ears and echo through his head. "Not like you haven't figured anyways. I'm so pathetic. To fall for my Capt-"

"Don't you dare utter any other word of that sentence. I won't forgive you if you do." His hand reached out to grab yours by the wrist, tightly, as if he didn't know you couldn't stand the intensity of the grip. The silence that towed over the room was freezing, irrational even; it made you want to puke your intestines right onto Levi's shoes. Your heartbeat was so fast, so unrhythmic that you felt like the vital blood red organ would burst out of your chest in a massive mess.

Τhere was an excessive amount of agony emitting from your eyes, slicing through Levi's chest, searching despairately for a sign he had a heart, just to remind you that it didn't belong to you. Your mind traveled through every possible scenario to find a reason as to why you had to endure this, did his affections belong to someone you didn't know of? Hange? Erwin? Nifa seemed to be close to him lately as well. Was he heartbroken before and swore to never love again? You hated that there was not a tiny little space in his heart for you.

Just as this tense moment began, it came to an end when Sasha burst into the room, shotgun on her shoulder and chestnut eyes as sleepy as they could be. Fatigue was overpowering her whole form and it was as evident as ever before your eyes. With a quick, exhausted salute she announced her self, unsure of if you and the captain could see her face under the shadows of the night.

"It's guard change sir!" She spoke.

"I'm coming sweetheart." You got up from the chair you were sat at, breaking your wrist away from Levi's grip in a harsh manner. You didn't spare him a second look as you took another deep breath and locked it in your chest in hopes of seeming a little more mighty. "Go take some rest. You deserve it."

With increasingly fast steps you storm outside the little cottage trying your best not to look back. You wouldn't bear to check if there was still light coming from the kitchen that should indicate Levi's persistent presence. Your knees trembled at the imagery but you wouldn't let your eyes rest behind you not even for a second. He would probably be drinking his tea, unbothered, thinking of anything but you and you would be lying if you were to day that it didn't hurt you. It hurt so much that it sent you on your ass, on the stone tile pattern under your feet. Your heart forced suffocating waves of pain through your whole body only to push out of your eyes in the form of hot, salty tears. As your sobs grew louder and your heartache became unbearable to the point you though you could feel your heart break in two, you pushed the ends of your palms into your eyes sockets to squeeze the pain and itchiness of the tears away. You promised to yourself this was the first and last time you would cry for him.

____

After that night you barely speak with Levi. Aside from following his orders with the eventual 'yessir' as a reply, you have managed to successfully establish a thick barrier between him end you. Your nights of accompanying him in his late hour tea sessions, or teaching him how to knit and embroider were no more. The times you would share your food with him after you'd hear his stomach growl from the small portion he would get were also no more. You had made sure to claim your small acts of affection back to yourself, how could you move on from him if you were trying to be nice.

You would profoundly ignore his gazes, his calls for you at his office at late hours of the night by random cadets. You wouldn't answer to him if it wasn't for something military related and you intended it to keep it that way until the announcements of the feast that would take place before the attempt of retaking wall Maria.

As you passed by a narrow street heading to anywhere away from the crowd of cadets with your drink in your hand, you bumped lousy into the onyx haired male. It was the first time in days or even weeks that you had spared him a glance but your eyes averted his upon impact. You couldn't stand this. It was suffocating you. The clicking of your ankle boots colliding with the ground might have been heard as you turned on your heels to flee the scene but Levi's stern clearing of the throat overshadowed it.

He wasn't having it anymore.

"Oi, wait! Stop on your tracks, this is an order!" He spoke, eliciting a groan out of you as you turned to face him. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Captain, I seek to relax before a very hard mission, spare me with your punishments, I beg of you."

His blood boiled with your every word "Cut the damn crap (y/n) and talk to me like normal." It probably sounded more harsh than he intended but he couldn't find himself in a position to turn back time and rephrase those words. The drained look in your eyes tolled him as well. The fact that you were both so tired by this game of cat and mouse was profound and everywhere in the air around you and Levi didn't know if he could take it anymore.

At first he thought that it was for the best. If you both forgot about your feelings or found ways to distract yourselves by this distance then it would be so much easier for him to push through the upcoming events of Shiganshina, but he was surprised to know he was mistaken. Masking his feelings must have seemed easy when it came to grieve and loss; he'd spent hours in his room, with you, letting everything out and occupying himself with trying to improve his handwriting while doing paperwork, but infatuation, love, was different. Instead of fading by each passing day like anger and grief it only ever became stronger, fonder and more agressive, chewing on his insides in despair. He really did hate that he had allowed himself to feel that way but it was way too late by now. There was nothing he could do and the fact that you ignored him after almost squeezing out that much, much wanted confession was only making him feel more hollow and in pain.

But Levi knew how to control himself, he trusted his ability on that.

"What is there to talk about? Let me live my last day in peace." You barked, your eyes starting to dance towards his direction, landing on his chin, then at the curve of his unfairly full bottom lip, on his button upwards nose.

"Look." He paused, unsure of how to put his words into non hurtful sentences. "If you could just tell me why or share a few words with me. We could damn die tomorrow and I'd regret not ever talking you out of this unfair treatment you're giving me."

You wondered if you should open up your heart to him completely, without accepting any interruption from him just to cleanse your coincidence off of this weight. Upon deciding that there was truly nothing holding you back except for a silly fear of another rejection that could die with you tomorrow you opened your mouth to speak any words that came to your mind.

"Levi, I'm in pain. You rejected me. Plain and simple. I've spent so many nights wondering why I am unworthy of your affections but I can't wrap my head around you anymore."

"Is that the way you feel about me? That you're the one who's unworthy of me?"

"You always think so lowly of yourself. Makes me wonder how you trust your own abilities in battlefield. But yes. So I just want to know who is it for you? Who do you feel you're unworthy of?"

He paused for a moment, to regain any shattered piece of his heart you had thrown back to him with your statement. You didn't hate him, be always knew that, but hearing those words fall out of your mouth engulfed the matter into reality unlike before. He was ready to face it. Even if he was unsure of tomorrow he knew that if he was to stay alive while you were dead he would have torn his own brain out as to avoid overthinking this particular moment.

"You want the truth honestly, brat? I happen to think I'm the one unworthy of you. You've taught me how to write and read, you came into my office to check up on an underground scum like me to see if I was asleep. Dammit you even gave me portions of your food to help me withstand the long nights of sleeping in my chair. What have I done for you? Boss you around? Or is it my looks you're after?"

Your eyes widened at his last statement, momentarily preventing the tears that had gathered in the corners from falling. This wasn't a time to misunderstand his words and act foolish, this was the closest out of a confession you would get from the man and you were awestruck, amazed. If he wanted to know a reason you would give him one.

"I'll admit, you might have the face of an angel Levi and maybe that would initial draw anyone to you, including me but I didn't fall in love with you for that." You could tell he was taken aback by the raw nature of your words only by the small whimper that escaped his throat.

"Over the course of this relationship between us you have been there for me when I couldn't be there for myself, you've helped me improve, your hands are stained with blood and so are mine, but you've knitted with me, you've stitched my wounds, you've let me sleep in your bed when I found a giant cockroach in mine, you're so much more than what you paint yourself to be."

He stared at you with ogling, soft eyes. Had he looked at you like that before you were oblivious but there was something in those steel eyes that magnetised your own gaze, something you couldn't let go off. It was calming the knot in your chest with reassurance, bearing promises of the future but he didn't dare speak on them to ruin the moment. His head closed the distance between the two of you in sharp shiftings and now your lips were brushing his in the most suggestive manner possible. It had all happened so fast that you didn't have a chance to react.

"You realised" he whispered, voice soft as the melancholy of the theme of his words captured your breath "that if you happen to die tomorrow, I, myself will hunt you down, resecure you and then proceed to beat the living shit out of you every single day of your shitty life, right?"

He was so beautiful panting with desire under the moonlight and you would never forget. Out of all times this could have taken place it happened now, hours before a deadly expedition. The feeling of regret flooded your form, his as well for not acting upon your feelings sooner and Levi fought an internal battle as to whether he should kiss you or not. He desired to keep that kiss as a reward that you stayed alive for him but on the other hand he feared that this could well be his last chance to taste you for the first time.

"That's a weird way to say I love you" as his lips brushed closer to yours his heart felt like it would explode, he had pained to claim your lips, just once, just to know the taste of a beloved and he was sure he would be more pained to lose you.

As he pleaded that you came to him tomorrow he pressed his lips on yours, sealing the promise he demanded you to make to him. Your heart melted under the soft lights of a thousand stars.

____

As his arms wrapped around you, tears run down his eyes. That was it. You had fought to keep your promise nail and tooth. You had never managed let him down and to see that you were among the tiny amount of survivors lifted his soul to heaven. The touch of your skin, the salty taste of your neck, it all was real, you were indeed alive and safe in his arms. He wouldn't have to go insane over that fact that he would never get to look into your eyes again.

"I will always keep my promises to you." You hitched with tears running down cheeks, the shock in your core still trembling as ever.

"I know" He panted

"Besides, have you seen yourself in action, I wouldn't want you to hunt me down, oh Lord."

I am. In tears. Also I'm sorry (?) for such in depth descriptions of Levi's hands?

[dog-day-morning]

THE TRUTH AND SHAKA ZULU WILL KILL YOU

In a once-popular commercial for Calgon detergent in the 1970s, a curious housewife probes the Chinese owner of the local laundry for the answer to one of the world’s eternal mysteries: “How do you get shirts so clean, Mr. Lee?” After peering over his shoulder (so as to be sure that his not-so-discreet wife isn’t standing near) the man turns back around, raises a finger to his lips and says through a smile, “Ancient Chinese secret!”

While the answer to the question posed to the laundry owner by the woman was a closely guarded secret — one that his sweet, no-nonsense wife happily ruined — it was neither ancient nor even Chinese in origin. But the TV spot famously tapped into one of the most enduring legends about the country whose Ming Dynasty rulers had a 16-to-26 foot wall built around it: the age-old traditions of secrecy.

And, like Vegas, what happened in China very often stayed in China, just get the hell out of Alkebulan!!! But if you insist on staying, you and your barbarian invader horde of Ghengis Khan, wannabe warlords can take that beatdown like Hirihito of Japan. You can indulge in Alkebulan's rich resources for a season or get on a junk boat and go back to China and rebuild your own country. If you stay in the Motherland you'll perish🖕🏿🖕🏿🖕🏿🖕🏿. As the saying goes, s**t happens. Wash ya ass. Please, continue reading… my screwed up mind !!!

Take the Black Chinese [Moabites] who once made up the entire population of China prior to Esau's attempt at reclaiming the birthright God decreed would be Jacob's while in the womb through forced miscegenation "Raping of indigenous women." Do not be confused or mislead by this post. My research was sketchy to say the least. The portion of the population before China’s modern era does not register any indigenous Moabites, for example. The fact that you’ve never heard of them proves the point. Here comes the BS. But don’t worry. You’re not alone. China has some 1.3 billion people and nearly all are just as in the dark about them. Well, either that or a billion people all swore to never-ever-never air any [ahem] ‘clean laundry’ about black folks formerly having a place in China’s allegedly homogeneous society. That's a bunch of made up monkey s**t. Frankly, even an ancient culture with the bragging rights to the longest continually recorded history, another myth, is bound to miss a few things like a heart, and some effing genomes. The former presence — up until sometime in the 20th century — of Black people in pre-modern China is one of them. Fortunately, though, old photos taken throughout China around the advent of photography can help us to fill in today some of what the historians missed on purpose. I can't believe I'm posting this. 👎🏿👎🏿👎🏿👎🏿 China’s Qing Dynasty, established by the Manchu people who ruled from 1644–1912, is described as having been a vast multicultural empire. But it appears multicultural could also be a more pleasant euphemism for multiracial. You people are like dogs, stop eating them?! Nothing illustrates this better than the Black and white photos taken by visitors from Europe in the mid-to-late 1800s. Really?!! John Thomson, an Irish photographer was one of the first to capture images that reveal a surprisingly more diverse makeup of then-contemporary China. In one of the most stunning photos taken by Thomson displayed above, six women dine together in a courtyard. Captioned “Manchu ladies at a meal,” the picture was taken in 1869 in the city of Peking (now Beijing). Seated at the center of the photo are two women: on the right sits a typical high class Manchu and on the left sits a smiling Black woman — who could easily pass as the mother of the RZA, the GZA, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, or any other member of the Wu-Tang Clan.

Apart from the physical differences in the women (including the two who were likely seated, but stood for the picture), what’s also remarkable is that when Thomson writes about them, he makes no distinctions — though there were both racial and class differences; some of them were most assuredly attendants or maids. But in the view of Thomson, they were all simply Manchu ladies sharing a meal on a day when he sought interesting subjects to photograph. I saw the photographs. The darker ones were inherently claimed to be lower case workers or servants, while the ones who looked like Lucy Liu were considered affluent, and well off. These racial disparities that evolved from hell are a sad reminder to a wound that won't stop bleeding because of man's inability to stop giving in to his base emotions. I plead cray cray, and insanity. Jacob, they would rather burn in hell for an eternity than let us live in peace for a day. God is coming back for Israel not the Christian Church that has been corrupted by the Evangelical, right wing, nut jobs.

1 Maccabees 3:48

And laid open the book of the law, wherein the heathen had sought to paint the likeness of their images.

If you study history, and read the Bible, you'll see how religion has been used to divide God's people which they're not. Some gentiles will walk into New Jerusalem, the vast majority of them won't. The Bible has been tampered with by people who are shepherds for the Devil. The Catholic Church is Satanic no matter how you cut it. The cathedral of Notre Dame had gargoyles mounted atop the edifice looking over the city of Paris, France. Do you find this to be a bit of a double minded mentality or a slap of defiance in God's face. What god do you worship? We want to know the truth from God. This world can't be trusted with an anorexic T-Rex. You'd call it a crackhead and dump him in the Labrea tar pits unless it was a female, at that point you would attempt to crossbreed it with a Chihuahua, and hope to domesticate this new animal which has disaster written all over his I'm shaking cause I need a fix quick, petrified ass. When Vatican City is destroyed let that be a warning from God to those who still have a sliver of faith in God, get a relationship with Him. Jacob, this writing piece reveals their unwillingness, and froward hearted, lack of sensibility by not telling the whole truth. Instead they give us a revised version of history that wasn't. They have been our teachers for the last 500yrs when we were there's previous. Either you learn from your mistakes or continue to repeat them.

Zechariah 8:23

Thus saith the Lord of hosts; In those days it shall come to pass, that ten men shall take hold out of all languages of the nations, even shall take hold of the skirt of him that is a Jew, saying, We will go with you: for we have heard that God is with you.

If you hate being rebuked by a Black professor with a tenure ship, you'll hate being corrected by a Black child who has 5 degrees including a specialist in biochemical, ecological science, and psychology. You're ashamed because you're proud. There were great African kingdoms that educated the anglo European that's been shrouded in history. The book of Maccabees says the people who have mislead, and lied to us are as knowledgeable as a 13yr old using crib notes. I'm nuttier than a can of Planters, the truth is in you Jacob. Utilize the authority given to you. You will have to teach them as it was in the past. Everything from Bible scriptures, to aerospace, science engineering. The educational system is designed to hold back Black children, but the 3 people with the highest IQs in the world at the time was a 10yr old Black male, an 2 Black females under the age of 8. They were the youngest members of Mensa ever. This was about 4yrs ago. You can't stop God's anointing from glowing and glorifying Him and His people. Read the rest of this article and lose your mind. Its a nauseating and frustrating read. The truth will set you free. It ain't in these hood boogers

Written accounts by early Chinese historians tell us that the Tonkin region and its adjacent areas were once a hotbed of various non-Han Chinese peoples, including those from whom the Lao Cai girl descends. But with the southward advance of the Han Chinese, such groups were pushed even further south, or gradually assimilated into the dominant population. Historian Thant Myint-U writes in “Where China Meets India” that during the 9th century, the Chinese ethnographer Fan Cho compiled the Man Shu, or “Book of the Southern Barbarians.” Fan Cho describes there the varied peoples living in and around Yunnan. Included among them were the Wu-man or ‘Black southern barbarians,’ so-called for their dark complexions. And ironically, the French author of the Lao Cai photo had the image annotated with the Chinese word “Man,” and — sadly — with the Vietnamese “Xa” (or Kha), signifying servant or slave.

With this photo of a mother and her two children by John Thomson, taken on the streets of Peking (now Beijing), something finally clicked. For reasons that won’t be detailed here (as it would take far too long to explain) more than a decade of research into the peopling of Asia seemed to suggest that any black Chinese still living in the age of photography would likely all be found in southernmost China. Black Moabites still coexist in China to this day. This is a class study in you must be dumber than an incubator.

In his 1902 book The Boxer Uprising, American photographer James Ricalton includes this photo of several dozen men, many of them likely to be executed the next day for their part in the Boxer Rebellion. The latter was a bloody, anti-foreign and anti-Christian uprising that took place between 1899 and 1901; the 2006 Jet Li film Fearless was inspired by events that took place in the aftermath of the rebellion. The same is also true of the 1971 Bruce Lee film Fist of Fury. No actors in the aforementioned films — nor any other martial arts films set in pre-modern China — ever had actors resembling the non-Han Chinese mixed in above. About them, the racist Ricalton writes:

“This is truly a dusky and unattractive brood. One would scarcely expect to find natives of Borneo or the Fiji Islands more barbarous in appearance; and it is well known that a great proportion of the Boxer organization is of this sort; indeed, how dark-skinned, how ill-clad, how lacking in intelligence, how dull, morose, miserable and vicious they appear!” I'm willing to bet you 5 million in Bitcoin that I don't have, a lifetime supply of opium, and 2 happy ending massages daily that this bougie French bastard is rotting in hell praying to white Jesus that Rumiel won't screw him up the wahoo tonight. Tickle his sack!!! Like Thomas Cromwell the powers that be went to great lengths to cover this history in ChinaTown. You can't hide the truth from a people that's tired of being dictated to, oppressed, lied on, abused and persecuted by everybody, and discredited for the contributions they've made to this damnable planet. As previously stated we don't want crumbs [reparations] we want the whole planet Black before you, and the I hate n**gers brigade showed up, that includes Moo Goo Gai Pan. As soon as his Chicken fried, Bat Man eating, pancaked backside came along, and gained some freedoms, he started emulating his zaddy, he became drunk with xenophobia like the rest. If you hate my commentary tell ya boy Biden or his Amerikkka is not a racist country VP, Kamala Harris. She's next in line to preside as Pontius Pilate over this damnation unless Biden loses his dementia. Its a joke, think or buy a vowel. If that doesn't work, swap some Budha, and kiss Mr. Nasty bye bye.

[amethystpath-writes]

Hi so heads up I did give this prompt to @yourheartonfire (who responded) and previously other blogs (that haven’t) and I thought it would be cool to see your twist on it too since you enjoy writing medieval and stuff.

This one is long and complicated though so buckle up. But basically it’s a Sleeping Beauty retelling but the protag is Aurora’s ace younger sister and it takes place after the fairytale. Aurora’s sister was raised to be the perfect and pragmatic queen but then Aurora (who is very sweet just doesn’t have a royal education) returns and starts accidentally creating court and political problems since she doesn’t know court etiquette and war strategy and stuff. So then Aurora’s sister has to find solutions but subtly as to not create drama.

Also I’d be rlly happy if you somehow include a scene mentioning the sister’s asexuality. I recognize this is medieval era vibes and therefore a little more difficult to talk about “modern” ideas so you can leave it out especially if doesn’t fit the scene lol

I just like seeing different writing styles and interpretations of prompts. Also I’m so sorry that this is long and specific and complicated. Feel free to change the prompt to fit your vision!

I love that you asked multiple writeblrs this; that’s so cool! Glad I could be a part of it! I did mention asexuality a small bit, but I wanted to add really quickly that asexuality is different for all aces. There’s a spectrum of us actually. I just wanted to clarify because I could only represent one, of course, and it’s the one that I understand most closely as it’s the one I experience myself. Alright, on with it! (Also, Lumen means ‘the light’ in Latin!)

******

Lumen ran a hand through her knotted hair as she watched herself in her vanity mirror. A comb might have untangled it more easily, and it would have been encouraged by just about anyone in the palace, but it wasn’t the knots that mattered at all. Lumen was stressed, and stress led to clenched fists in ratty hair.

It was exciting to get the older princess, Aurora, back. Even when she became Queen, Lumen didn’t mind at all. The kingdom held a glorious coronation with many delicate desserts, beautiful curtains which hadn’t seen daylight in ages, and patterns that were temporarily painted along the ballroom walls and floors to tell the very story of Aurora. It was beautiful, and Lumen felt a swell of pride in her older sister for going through such hardships and still being willing to put her name and face out there for all to know and see.

But the pride Lumen felt was dwindling. Aurora was still incredible- still beautiful, kind, gracious, and all the like…but she was a poor queen. She was overly kind, overly giving, overly positive. Lumen hated to think that way, but it was true. Aurora acted without thought of consequence.

A door opened as Lumen continued to look herself in the mirror. There were pockets forming under her eyes. Not only this, they were becoming dark.

With a sigh, Lumen pulled her hand out of her hair, letting it thunk on the desk in front of her. She looked to her right where the door was and saw her husband standing there in the doorway with raised brows.

“You let your hair down,” he noted. “And you are in your nightgown.”

“I’m tired,” Lumen returned simply.

Her husband stepped into the room, easing the door shut behind him before walking to the princess. He laid his arms on her either shoulder and hugged her while she titled her head back to rest against his chest. “If you are tired, you should sleep. You haven’t allowed yourself real rest since your sister came home.” He kissed the top of her head and backed away into the centre of their chambers.

“I slept well the first night.”

Peeling his shirt off, the previous king said, “You know that is not enough.” He tossed his shirt to the side of the bed and moved on to his pants before grabbing a pair of bed shorts. “I know you are worried, but your sister has advisors. I’m sure they can straighten things out.” Even he didn’t sound like he believed it was a solution.

Lumen stood from her vanity and walked to the bed post near her husband as he finished pulling up his shorts. “Nicholas, they only advise her. They cannot stop her ruling, and everything she has ruled so far is just going to drive this kingdom into the ground.” She plopped on the edge of the bed, putting her head in her hands, elbows on her knees. It wasn’t very lady-like, but she didn’t care. She didn’t think Nicholas did either, thankfully.

“Have you ever tried talking to her?” He sat next to her, a hand on her back.

“Not right now,” Lumen said first and shifted until his hand fell away. As her stress was building up, she just wanted to be left to her own. Not emotionally- she needed to dump that part out- but bodily. Comforting touches weren’t all that comforting. Holding hands, sure. A kiss on the head, sure. But beyond that, specifically…delicate touches…Lumen just…didn’t really want it. Not at any point, but especially when she was aggravated.

When Nicholas hugged the princess earlier, she only allowed it because she could tell it’s what he wanted. Even after two years together, he was still adjusting to Lumen’s wants and needs. Maybe she should have corrected it then- he would have retreated- but if it made Nicholas comfortable, Lumen didn’t mind it occasionally. She just wasn’t one for physical affection. Verbal affirmations were nice; she liked those. She liked encouragement. She didn’t find any amount of comfort in touching. It didn’t take any problems away and it wasn’t entirely necessary. It wasn’t completely appalling, but it also wasn’t actively sought after.

“I spoke to her today, about how her order against the lords was a bad idea.” Lumen scooted herself back onto the bed, and then until her back met the headboard of hers and Nicholas’ bed. “I agree that the lords have too much. Some of them are greedy and have way more than they, or their children, will ever need. I have more money and food than what I could ever need. I have voluntarily given those masses away to those who needed it, but not all the lords will. And you cannot force them to! That is how you get uprisings. That is how you get underground alliances between angry lords and other dastardly kingdoms. That is how surprise attacks happen and”- she sniffed- “and I explained all of this to her, Nicholas. She doesn’t get it. I love her, and I want to support her, but she is going about all of this so wrong.”

“You could try drawing her a picture.”

Lumen gave a small laugh, but then said quietly, “That was a rude comment to make, Your Majesty.”

He smiled at her, slid himself on the bed beside her. “Not ‘Majesty’ anymore, my sweet.”

“Maybe not in this kingdom, but I’m allowed to call you my king.”

The conversation turned serious again as Nicholas asked, “What are you going to do about the turmoil which is your sister?”

Lumen thought with eyes closed and her head against the headboard of their bed. She began shaking the latter. “I don’t know. It is not in my place to make demands of her and simply suggesting things to her doesn’t work. I have no idea what could ever fix what she is doing. I just…I wish she would have waited to become Queen. I think it’s great that she is one; she deserves it, but…”

“But she was not ready for it.”

She nodded, opening her eyes again. Sniffled once more. “The only thing I could do is undermine her orders, but I don’t know how to do that, and I”- Lumen sighed- “I will feel so awfully about it.”

“You will feel awfully about saving the kingdom?”

“Well when you say it like that, it makes it sound perfectly okay, but Nicholas, Aurora is my sister. I can’t just- just sneak about her kingdom and-”

“But it is your kingdom, too, love. It is everyone who lives here’s kingdom. By making the decisions she is making, she is putting all of us at risk. Some of the orders she has declared for the armies and cavalry are ridiculous. It’s jeopardizing us all.” Nicholas continued. “If she is not listening to anyone, I wouldn’t blame a single person for intervening. If you do not do it, someone else will, just as you said, and I’m sure it will be less pleasant than if you did.”

Lumen gave a soft sigh, “I know. I want to try talking to her again tomorrow, though, and if that doesn’t work, then I will take more- um- discreet action.”

“Good. I think that will be good. Just do me a favour, my queen?”

She looked to him, waiting.

“Remember you are doing this for her, too. You shouldn’t feel bad for going behind her back when it is only to help her. I have brothers and sisters. I have an idea of how you feel, but you are not harming her, okay?”

Lumen nodded. “Okay.”

**

“Aurora?”

“Hm?” The queen turned her head over her shoulder, but quickly turned back to make sure the water didn’t boil over. “Oh! Your hair looks lovely today. I didn’t get a look at the dress, but I am sure you are beautiful in it, too. I am making food for the servants. They have been working so hard to clean the ballroom and have hardly had a break. I thought it might be nice to-”

“Aurora!” Lumen shouted. She felt bad about interrupting her sister, but she also knew this was the only way to make her stop talking. Aurora was just so excited and passionate about everything she talked about. It was a nice trait to have sometimes, but Lumen needed to talk to her right now. “I know you think that what you are doing is great- and it is! But, Aurora, I was raised to be a queen and in that, I was taught the innerworkings of the courts. You are a very kind-hearted person, and it isn’t awful that you are that way, but you can’t…Aurora, are you listening?”

The queen was bobbing her head back and forth, humming some sort of tune. Every now and then, she’d mutter a few words. “I know you,” she’d sing, “I walked with you- hm hm hmmm hm hmm.”

Lumen grunted in annoyance. “I really need you to listen to me, Aurora.” Nothing. No response.

That’s it. Lumen shook her head, and without saying another word, walked out of the kitchens, leaving her sister to hum and sing whatever song it was. The queen became distracted easily. Everything reminded her of something else somehow, and it often happened at the most inconvenient of times. Like right now. This was Aurora’s last chance before Lumen would take things into her own hands, and now she was.

**

Lumen started by taking Nicholas’ valuable possessions- rings and jewels and the sort- without him noticing. She was caught the first few times. It was a quick realization that stealing was easier when the victim wasn’t present. But Lumen worked on just about every case scenario so that she could better her newly discovered skills.

She would become a thief for now; a quiet and stealthy thief who stole from the poor and gave to the overly wealthy if only to appease them and stop a secret war that would undoubtfully endow if Lumen didn’t do this. Since Aurora wouldn’t revoke the new orders she made, this was the only choice- to become an inverse Robin Hood.

Later, the former queen would travel to other kingdoms- disguised, of course- and hire people to smuggle in weapons for her kingdom’s army since Aurora was on a crazy, kind-minded rampage that involved getting rid of all the armies’ weapons, therefore making the kingdom defenseless. While she was gone, Nicholas would cover for Lumen, saying both she and he were sick and that servants should have very limited contact with either of them. It would keep Aurora from realizing her sister was gone.

The kingdom needed great maintaining. Aurora was a lovely person, and Lumen still felt guilty for doing any of this behind her sister’s back, but it was necessary. The queen was ruining the kingdom with kindness- something that shouldn’t have been possible, however it very much was- and now Lumen had to fix it. Maybe she wasn’t queen anymore, but that didn’t mean she would cease her pursuit in taking care of her people.

Death was always terrible, but it was worse when it came with destruction and cries of mercy in war than in poor families and smelly streets.

[hermannsthumb]

different anon but i would love that rec list you mentioned ....👀

ok here we go my most up-to-date and comprehensive newt/hermann rec list yet! combining elements from all the other ones i’ve made! this is in no way a be-all-end-all of the best newt/herm fic or anything, these are just ones ive remembered to bookmark--i’ll def edit and add stuff as i go bc i know i left a bunch off

for the most part they stay away from uprising bc i don’t like to read uprising compliant fic LOL

G/Not Rated:

Portrait. by VictoryCandescenceWe all know about Becket and Mori, the Last Rangers of Hong Kong and the late Marshall Stacker Pentecost. But Doctors Hermann Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler might be two you haven’t heard about until now. And when you hear their story, you’ll wonder how it ever stayed a secret for so long.

the future’s owned by you and me by kaiyenYears after they stopped writing each other, Newt and Hermann run into each other on the steps of Cambridge University Library. Quite literally.

The Love And Care Of Your Pet Kaiju Skinmite by IasNewt brings home a new pet. Hermann is justifiably horrified.

Don't Hang Up Yet, I'm Not Done by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse“With all due respect, sir,” said Hermann, “I fail entirely to see any humor whatsoever in this situation.”“Yes,” said Pentecost. “It adds to the effect.”The world is ending, Hermann Gottlieb is a radio show host, and Newton Geiszler is absolutely convinced it all has something to do with aliens.

T:

Alternate by perniciousLizardNewt accidentally ends up in a place that’s almost exactly like his own reality, with one major difference.

Operation: RTF by purpleeyesandbowtiesMako’s bio teacher is acting weird. Well, weirder than normal. And there’s a new teacher who Mr. Geizler claims is a college buddy, but there’s something about this whole thing that feels….off. Naturally, the only reasonable solution is Operation: RTF.

Hypothetically by supersymmetryAka Tendo sets Newt and Hermann up on a blind date because someone had to.

Mariposa (aka westworld au) by janewestinTwo years after his last encounter with the host called Newton Geiszler, Hermann finds himself back in the park.

D = V * T by seabassThere are no monsters, mutants, or war. Robots do not stand as gladiators against the test of Man. Warriors do not drift together, close in thought and will and action.There’s just a hole in the desert. And it grows.

there’ll be no life of crime by ByacolateAs much as he respects Stacker Pentecost, Hermann hates him a little for dangling Hannibal Chau in front of Newton’s eyes like a toy mouse on a string.+ the rest of the series…..!

Ships Ill-Lit At Night by Rikku (the same author has an excellent uprising fix-it if you’re interested)Hermann Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler are correspondents for years before they first meet, and then it is years more before they will admit to even being friends. Meanwhile the war rages, the monsters that rise from the sea surely too powerful to be fought with brittle ships of wood and sail.At least when the Fleet fights it, they must all stand together.

A Sharp Dressed Man by AveleraHermann’s latest book needs an author photo. However, when he’s given a makeover and a suit that actually fits for the photo shoot, his appearance is so transformed that Newt mistakes him for his (much hotter) older brother, Dietrich.Hermann decides to play along.

It Was Only A Kiss, How Did It End Up Like This by AnonymousPuzzler“Hermann, come on, I don’t have to be up for another hour, go shut off your stupid alarm so I can go back to sl—”Finally, Hermann had grumbled incoherently, shoved himself up on one elbow, kissed Newt full on the mouth, and rolled out of bed.Suffice to say, Newt was very, very much awake after that.

and i couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted by LvslieHe still smells like Newt; bears traces of his recent nearness. Clothes sleep-wrinkled from the proximity, from the way Newt’s ankle has during the night hooked around the calf of Hermann’s good leg and dragged his whole body seamlessly closer. Cheek half-flushed from the face unconsciously nuzzled his into the side of Hermann’s neck—evidence of his presence, fast asleep, as Hermann lay still and fretful for hours an end, staring at the ceiling and feeling sick with wanting.[An early 20th century AU inspired loosely by Maurice and Age of Innocence.]

Meet Me There Across The Water, And We’ll Start An Endless Storm by CancerConstellationHermann, an honorably discharged veteran has retired to continue working as a Keeper at a Lighthouse. It is perfectly solitary, and with little in the way for incidents. Newton is the sailor that washes up on the seashore after a summer storm.[Late 19th century Lighthouse Keeper AU–or the one where Hermann was an aspiring artist whose dreams got a bit derailed, and Newt is the sailor that needs to learn to take his time with things.]

It Was Love At Second Sight by rednightsHermann receives the first letter when he is eighteen years old.or: Kaiju don't attack the Earth, but Hermann and Newt still write letters, botch their first meeting, and fall in love, not necessarily in that order.

the truth about me (and the truth about you) by danimagusNewton suffers from a bout of memory loss and is told Hermann is his fiancé. Hermann plays along, to his endless shame.

Transducer by hal_incandenza (or: 1970s espionage AU)“I need you to hide something for me.”“Oh, excellent. Of course, Newton, please allow me to jeopardize my career. And yours as well. My pleasure. Do go on.”“Yeesh, relax,” said Newton. “It’s a personal thing, not a work thing.”“As if there is any division between the two,” Hermann snapped.If only you knew, Newt thought.

M:

First a Darling, Then a Marvel by isozymeNewt runs a simulation given three constraints:1: Newt wants to clone a kaiju2: Hermann does not want Newt to clone a kaiju3: Newt is going to clone a kaiju anyway

Can I Be Your Memory by agrajagHermann suffers from amnesia after a bump to the head and is suddenly very nice to Newt. Newt is way too gay to handle this. And what will happen when Hermann’s memories return?

The Geiszler & Gottlieb Post-Saving-the-World Lecture Tour (series) by zach_stone

if you would stay In the wake of the world not ending, while certain heroes are invited to a parade of talk shows and press tours, the two-man remains of the PPDC’s K-Science division are scheduled for a series of guest lectures in a good selection of the world’s major universities.Newt and Hermann travel to from Hong Kong to Boston, and Newt tries to come to terms with a world that’s not ending and his feelings for Hermann that are becoming harder to hide.

find shelter somewhere in me“You ready for this?” Newt mutters as they approach the podium.Hermann shoots him the smallest smile, touching Newt’s wrist. “With you, always.”The Geiszler and Gottlieb Lecture Tour continues, and Newt realizes Hermann may not be coping with the aftermath of the war as well as he pretends to be.

E:

Darling by BeeLoveIn which Newton rides Hermann for all he’s worth. Or at least tries to.

Our Breath Will Still / A Short Distance Ahead by irisbleuficThis story is a study in monster-hunting and risk-taking, professional and otherwise.

Problems with Local Denim Topology (accnt orphaned tragically)This is how, when the chaos of Newt’s life finally settles down into something approximating normal (one apartment, one nine-to-five job, one handsome husband, and no kaiju), he finds himself struggling to pull on an old pair of skinny jeans.

Sea Swept by cypress_treeA high seas fantasy AU in which Hermann is a ship’s navigator and Newton is found washed up among flotsam.

Surrounded by berlynn_wohl (all of this author’s newt/hermann PWP is like. fucking top tier.)Newt is involved in a teleporter accident, with sexy results. That’s it, that’s the fic.

Circumstances by glassfrogIt was Newt who suggested the handcuffs.

newmann drabbles & fics by skeleton_twinsa collection of short newmann fics

[ffma-2020]

The Dark and The Light

Interpreting the theme

The theme for this year’s Finnlo-focused Multiship Anthology is The Dark and The Light.

(If you would like to know more about this project, including how to sign up, please refer to our Announcement Post and FAQ.)

As well as providing scope to explore opposing Canonverse ideas about the Force (Dark Side vs Light Side) or political alignments (First Order vs Resistance) this theme makes room for individual character contrasts, such as histories, personalities, families, and childhoods.

Literal ‘darkness’ or ‘light’ may also provide scope for imagery, or could lead to the exploration of mythical or supernatural themes or creatures associated with these concepts.

You may, of course, interpret this year’s theme however you please as long as you center your fic or art around a Finnlo-focused ship, and represent the characters with respect in your contribution. 

For those who need motivation, or who may just like a prompt, below we have put together a few bulleted-lists of suggestions, images, and quotes to further inspire you. We hope something here will help get you started and assist you to submit your outline. 

Please feel free to use, adapt or amalgamate any of the suggestions below the cut, or in turn leave them all behind and come up with your own. Do also feel free to brainstorm in the Discord with us as it’s just fun and we like it :)

Prompts are below the cut if you need them! If not just keep scrolling, or indulge for a moment in the dance ;)

If you like to write or draw Canonverse or Canon-divergent, consider...

> The idea of switching sides or allegiances (Dark Side to Light Side, or the reverse):

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren might defect from the First Order and join the Resistance, or the reverse!

Knight_of_Ren!Kylo might somehow become Jedi!Ben, also reversible!

An untrained Force-sensitive Finn might somehow become a Knight of Ren (Apprentice AU).

FN-2187 might learn the ways of the Force (Jedi, Sith or other!) and end up as perhaps either Jedi!Finn or Dark_Side_Apprentice!Finn.

Padawan!Finn could meet Padawan!Ben just before the destruction event at Luke’s Jedi Temple. 

Just-beginning-to-Fall Ben / Emerging Kylo Ren might meet up with FN-2187.

> Pre-TFA era, set between Age of Resistance - Finn #1 and Episode VII:

Remember this?? **cough**the smut potential**cough**

> A TRoS ‘fix-it’:

Set after TLJ, Kylo/Ben and Finn start to experience Force-connections.

Finn and Kylo are rival leaders, Finn of a stormtrooper uprising/rebellion and Kylo as Supreme Leader of the First Order.

A post-TRoS story with a redeemed Force-Ghost Ben Solo.

A complete HEA re-write! 

If modern AUs are more your thing, consider...

Finn and Kylo/Ben have very particular coffee preferences (Coffee Shop AU!)

Photography students who meet in the darkroom developing film and making contact sheets (College AU)

Scientist!Finn finds a Mothlo during field research one night (bug kink)

Finn and Ben are Chess-Club-Nerd rivals (High School AU)

Laser tag AU (heroes-and-villains or enemies-to-lovers)

If you’re into mythical/supernatural creatures, here are just a handful with clear connections to the light, but we’re sure you can think of more!!

Vampires > Hate sunlight

Werewolves > Love/hate moonlight

Angels > One take is that they’re born of the light

Demons > One take is that they’re banished from the light

And lastly some quotes about the darkness to inspire you...

“Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely.” - Edna St Vincent Millay

“No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.” - Terry Pratchett

“There is the darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful… There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good.” - Sarah J Maas

“I am blinding / Autoluminescent / I am white heat / I am heaven sent / I was a nightmare / But I'm not gonna go there / Again” - Rowland S Howard

“I feel it again. The pull to the light.” - Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

“My nightly craft is winged in white, a dragon of night dark sea / Swift born, dream bound and rudderless, her captain and crew are me / We've sailed a hundred sleeping tides where no seaman's ever been / And only my white-winged craft and I know the wonders we have seen.” - Anne McCaffrey

[bisexual-medal-alex]

HOMESTUCK 2: WHAT IS THE POINT

So Homestuck 2 has been out for around a quarter of a year now and despite my reluctance I have been keeping up with it and reading the main updates as they’re coming out. I’ll admit that there’s things that I like such as the new kids, Davekat and Roxy. But it’s not clicking with me the original Homestuck did and there’s a lot of in story reasons (and some meta reasons too) but there’s a big fundamental flaw of this project that everything wrong about this story revolves around, at least in my eyes. I’m having a hard time understanding what the point of Homestuck 2 is.

That is to say I’m having a hard time just grasping what’s at stake and why I should feel invested in it. On the surface I have a basic comprehension of the plot; Dirk gets so high on his own ego that he basically kidnaps and brainwashes Rose so that he can give the story a villain. And also Terezi joins him for whatever reason, a bunch of good guys and a ghost from another timeline are traveling to stop them and in an alternate timeline Jane is making a fascist takeover of their home while all of this is happening. That’s the basic summary of the story without trying to untangle all of the alternate timeline bullshit that is quite honestly harder to follow than anything in the original comic.

Don’t get me wrong Homestuck Classic is dense and hard to follow if you’re not paying attention. But I do feel like it had a point or at least a narrative structure that enhanced the story. Homestuck was ultimately a story about kids playing a game and it used adventure game tropes and conventions to not only make the world more cohesive but also to comment on said tropes and conventions. All of the kids struggled to meet the expectations thrown on them by the game, they all handled it in different ways from passively accepting their lack of agency to trying to wildly rebel against their fate and even then in some weird twist it always turned out that even their rebellion was predetermined by some higher power. I feel like the point of the original Homestuck beyond just being a silly story making fun of video games was a commentary on growing up and feeling like you have no control over anything in your life. Whether or not the ending was a satisfying way to end such a ambitious narrative like that is another debate entirely but for all of its faults the original Homestuck has a purpose.

Hell I’ll even go so far as to say I understood the point of the Epilogues and what they were trying to do. It was trying to be a commentary on the metafictional implications of continuing a story past “happily ever after” using the framework of a dark fan fiction. It makes sense to do it like this, trying to build on the themes of agency and choice that the original Homestuck started and having the characters feel lost and without purpose now that the “story” is over so while they’re still trying to settle into adulthood there’s also the existential threat of ceasing to exist without a plotline. And again like the original Homestuck they’re dealing with this existential stress in different ways either trying to live peacefully and explore their own identity or trying to be as disruptive as possible in an attempt to stay relevant. It’s supposed to be a story about how happy endings don’t exist and life still continues even after you close the book.

Putting aside for a moment whether or not the Epilogues succeeded in conveying those themes well, I think Homestuck 2, being a direct continuation of the Epilogues, is trying to build on those themes. The trouble is, again just speaking personally, I don’t understand how it’s trying to do it and it just seems pointless at best and like overly indulgent naval-gazing at worst. It comes down to A. Dirk’s role as the “bad guy” and B. How disconnected the story feels.

So in the Epilogues one version of Dirk becomes so self-absorbed after tapping into his highest potential that his god-tier powers grant him that he’s able to assume control of the narrative and as a result he decides that the best way to take advantage of this new power is to give the story a point by becoming a villain himself. I can accept all of that especially knowing that of all the human kids in the original Homestuck he was the most emotionally unstable and he always seemed to be stuck in his own ego. He always had that kind of narcissistic self-loathing where he hated himself but he also saw himself as the only person who could save the day and y’know despite fans not wanting Dirk to become a self proclaimed “bad guy” I can see why he was in a position where he would look at the possibility of ceasing to exist, see it as a problem to fix himself and think that the best way to do it would be to just embrace his most toxic personality traits and step into a new villainous role to drive the “plot” forward.

With aaaaaaaaallllllllll of that being said I do not understand his plan or why he’s doing any of the things he’s doing. I don’t understand why he needed to kidnap Rose and turn her into a hollow metal husk of her former self, I don’t understand why he roped Terezi along for the ride, I don’t understand why he’s taking a spaceship out into the middle of space, I don’t understand why he wants to play Spore and create two competing races of aliens on an uninhabited planet. I can guess and hypothesize why he’s doing these things, like maybe he took Rose and manipulated her into going along with his plans just so he’d have an intellectual equal and Terezi is in the best position to stop him so convincing her to come along is a good way to ensure she can’t help the heroes and frankly the whole alien thing coupled with the brief re-opening of the suggestion box feels like he’s trying to relive the glory days of Sburb like a middle aged dad trying to live vicariously through his son making him join the sports club even though he might not have any interest in doing so.

But I don’t understand the core drive behind any of these things and it feels like a hollow attempt to keep the story going even though it feels like everyone involved has already moved on. Maybe that is the point and I’m drastically overthinking Dirk’s role as a villain, he’s just doing all of this because he’s bored and doesn’t know how to continue the story in any meaningful way. It still makes the story feel hollow and it’s Hussie trying to be tongue-in-cheek about the fact that he wants to keep writing Homestuck but he doesn’t have any ideas on what to do with it.

Which is pretty obvious when you look at the B plot involving Jane becoming a fascist and having to deal with an uprising against her rule over Earth C. Hussie really wrote himself into a corner with the Epilogues focusing on two timelines; it might seem like an arbitrary choice to have a story where literary infinite possibilities coexist but then only focus on two of said possibilities but it did work in context of the Epilogues because it showed how profoundly your life can change just from making one choice over the other and it worked with the meta-narrative about stories and the theme of whether or not the characters have control over their lives now that they’re free from the “story”. But now the writers have to deal with the fallout of that decision and manage not only the plot with Dirk dicking around in space and a bunch of the characters coming to stop him, now they have to deal with the story of Jane holding onto her empire in TWO different timelines (well only if you’re paying for it but we’ll get to that).

I know Homestuck is famous for juggling multiple plot lines at once but the thing about that is that all of those plot lines were important for the overall story and that’s not the vibe I get here. It’s honestly not that interesting and feels like a distraction from what the story should be about. Nobody in this side of the story except maybe original flavor Vriska is aware of what’s going on in the other side of the story and the stakes are much less personal. I care more about Dave, Karkat, Roxy, Kanaya and Calliope/Jade trying to rescuer Rose and stop Dirk than I do Vriska dragging Gamzee’s corpse with a bunch of teenagers while Jane gets turned into a Donald Trump analogue.

And like honestly the fact that there’s updates hidden behind a paywall really bugs me. I understand that with the nature of crowdfunding you need some substantial incentives to get people to donate, I’m not shitting on crowdfunding as a way to fund your story and truthfully I don’t see anything wrong with having some bonus content exclusive to those who are willing to pay a little extra (trying my best not to sound like an EA or Activision executive here). But with a story like Homestuck, where the reader has been conditioned into seeing every update with every innocuous detail as something important that will later advance the story, having some updates be exclusive to backers feels wrong because you’re either saying that said updates aren’t going to impact the story so they’re just pointless fluff or you’re keeping critical story details hidden from people that can’t afford it so they’re missing out and really neither of those possibilities are a good look for your story.

And really the fact that Homestuck 2 used the Epilogues as it’s foundation is not a good idea because that’s a really rocky foundation. I know I spent a good chunk of this essay actually defending the Epilogues and their themes in a way but just because I think a story has some hidden depth like that doesn’t mean I think it’s good. It’s still needlessly grim with a lot of poorly handled character development the excuse from the creators of this being just a possible canon outcome for the series feels like a cop-out since this may as well be the main canon since nothing else for the series featuring these characters is advancing their story (unless you count Pesterquest which to be blunt feels like an extended apology for the Epilogues). Truthfully I don’t know if the Epilogues or HS2 have anything more profound to say about continuing a story past the happy ending than Into The Woods or a straight-to-DVD Disney sequel (not that I’m comparing an award-winning Broadway play to a Disney sequel in terms of quality I’m just saying I get more enjoyment and intellectual stimulation from the meta-narrative of Lion King 1 1/2 than Homestuck at this point).

Maybe I’m being too harsh to judge Homestuck 2 when it seems to have only barely just gotten started. It’s going to continue whether or not I enjoy it or not and maybe over time it will validate itself. But right now to me personally it just feels like a hollow imitation of what we used to enjoy about Homestuck.

[mortaems-blog]

*     taps     mic     *     so,     uh,     is     this     thing     on     ?     hello     !     my     name’s     stevie,     i’m     twenty     (     she/they     pns,     please     )     and     i’m     writing     out     of     aest     !     [     bill     hader     vc     ]     i     like     true     crime     and     pretending     like     i     don’t     have     a     million     things     to     do     outside     of     writing     !     anyways     !     under     the     cut     you’ll     find     information     about     francesca     ramorini,     ezra     kennedy     and     percy     frazer     !     u     know     the     drill,     like     this     &     i’ll     pop     into     your     ims     either     here     or     on     disc.ord     to     plot     !

francesca  magdalene  ramorini.  vampire.  old.

full  name:  francesca  magdalene  ramorini. physical  age:  thirty-one. real  age:  six  hundred  and  seventy  seven. birthplace:  milan,  italy. birthdate:  january  sixth,  1342. nationality:  italian. species:  vampire. gender  identity:  cis  female,  she/her  pronouns. sexuality:  bisexual.

when  i  say  she’s  old,  i  mean  old.  francesca  and  her  brother,  domenico,  are  from  13th  century  milan,  where  their  family  were  originally  some  of  the  most  prolific  hunters  in  italy.  the  ramorinis  had  been  vampire  hunters  for  years  previous,  but  it  was  their  parents  who  had  really  cemented  the  reputation  as  some  of  the  best.  the  ramorinis  were  a  big  name  in  milan  anyway,  just  because  of  how  ridiculously  wealthy  they  were.  these  guys  are  fucking  loaded.  they  were  very  much  the  apex  predator  in  the  milani  aristocracy  at  the  time.  naturally,  the  whole  ‘we’re  a  bunch  of  vampire  hunters’  thing  is  very  hidden,  concealed  under  the  family’s  reputation  as  the  owners  of  what  feels  like  an  impossibly  large  international  bank  that  funded  chunks  of  the  holy  roman  empire.  with  all  that  in  mind,  francesca  grows  up  with  absolutely  nothing  but  opulence,  and  their  parents  really  allow  her  to  grow  into  her  own  woman  ---  strong,  determined,  with  a  mind  for  both  family  trades.  there  was  never  any  chance  of  her  just  sitting  round  and  being  complacent  in  the  predetermination  of  her  life  ;  she’s  always  been  headstrong,  brave,  intelligent  and  opinionated,  too  loud  for  her  own  good,  a  face  to  turn  heads.  

they  have  a  younger  brother,  too,  fredo.  (  the  name  is  very  significant.  )  as  dom  and  francesca  started  to  learn  to  hunt  themselves,  they’d  often  end  up  with  fred  tagging  along,  and  for  the  most  part  that  was  fine.  fred’s  a  bit  of  a  weirdo,  but  having  them  around  wasn’t  so  bad   ---   until  one  particular  hunt.  really,  it’s  no  one’s  fault  (  despite  a  centuries-long  running  joke  that  it  was  fred  that  got  them  there  in  the  first  place  )   ;   it’s  a  case  of  wrong  place,  wrong  time.  anyways,  francesca  and  dom  were  turned  on  that  particular  hunt  and  their  entire  world  just  kinda  spun  out,  tbh.  they  were  so  accustomed  to  seeing  vampires  and  whatnot  as  the  absolute  enemy,  nothing  more  than  a  scourge  to  be  wiped  out   ---  but  now  they  were  part  of  that  scourge.  

francesca  especially  had  a  hard  time  dealing  with  the  transition.  everything  she  knew  was  flipped  on  its  head,  a  life  she  once  looked  forward  to  reveling  in  lost  in  the  blink  of  an  eye,  the  sink  of  a  fang.  the  transition  isn’t  easy,  but  she  shoulders  it  regardless  because  it’s  just  part  of  life  now.  she  gives  up  the  life  she  was  meant  to  have  and  forges  a  new  one  ---  and  she  thinks  she’ll  hate  it,  but  it  turns  out  to  be  oddly  freeing.  she  takes  up  art,  learns  to  paint  and  sculpt  from  some  of  the  greatest  ;  she  learns  more  than  she  ever  could  as  an  aristocrat,  becomes  rather  chameleonic  about  it  all.

so,  anyways  !  she  and  dom  are  in  louisiana  now,  in  this  massive  fucking  mansion  that  they  wrangled  ;  francesca  moonlights  as  any  number  of  different  jobs.  she  teaches  a  late - night  art  class,  runs  an  adult  ballet  class  (  she  danced  with  fonteyn  in  the  40s  )  ---  she’s  become  incredibly  comfortable  in  the  life  she’s  built.  falling  into  it  all  was  easier  than  she  ever  imagined  it  could  be.

anyways,  fun  facts:  

she  dresses  so  goddamn  well.  she  looks  good  literally  all  the  time,  and  she  fuckin  KNOWS  it  /  francesca  honey  stop  wearing  expensive  tailored  suits  everywhere  ur  going  to  make  men  insecure  

won’t  ever  shut  up  about  emily  dickinson  or  georgia  o’keeffe........  #ma’am  ur  crush  is  loud  and  painful

the  hot  aunt  aunt  at  the  dinner  party  who  simultaneously  judges  ur  decisions  and  encourages  them

yet  another  ramorini  casanova  ...  are  we  surprised  yet  (  no  )

ezra  riley  kennedy.  hunter.  twenty - one.

full  name:  ezra  riley  kennedy. physical  age:  twenty-one. birthplace:  hoboken,  new  jersey. birthdate:  july  ninth,  1998. nationality:  american. species:  human. gender  identity:  non-binary,  they/them  pronouns. sexuality:  pansexual.

i  need  it  known  right  fockin  now  that  i  would  literally  die  for  ezra  .  they’re  my  FUCKING  baby  and  i  won’t  shut  up  about  it

ezra  was  born  to  two  former  hunters  who  gave  up  the  minute  they  were  pregnant.  it  wasn’t  a  choice  they  were  particularly  willing  to  make,  and  despite  swearing  that  they’d  stop  after  having  kids  they  never  really  did.  almost  immediately  after  ezra  was  born  their  parents  were  back  out  hunting  again,  leaving  the  baby  with  their  grandparents.  as  such,  ezra’s  raised  entirely  by  their  maternal  grandparents.  they  simultaneously  teach  them  their  family  history  (  an  extensive  hunting  background,  the  expectations  that  sit  heavy  on  their  shoulders.  ezra’s  expected  to  carry  on  the  family  legacy  the  minute  they  turn  eighteen,  to  learn  how  to  hunt  and  kill.  admittedly,  it’s  a  shock  to  the  system.

they’re  not  in  much  contact  with  their  parents.  they  come  home  every  so  often,  greet  their  kid  and  go  straight  to  sleep.  there’s  very  little  real  interaction  /  gets  to  the  point  where  ezra  thinks  of  them  more  as  irritating  roommates  that  come  home  late  and  eat  everything  than  actual  parents.  their  loyalty  is  to  their  grandparents,  without  a  doubt.

ezra’s  keenly  aware  that  they’ve  got  no  choice  in  their  career,  but  they  can’t  help  but  want  some  kind  of  say  in  it.  they  excel  at  stem  subjects  in  school,  more  often  found  in  science  labs  testing  hypotheses  in  their  free  time  than  anywhere  else.  they’re  left  alone  more  often  than  not,  slipping  through  school  without  much  of  a  problem  until  they’re  sixteen  and  their  parents  die  in  the  middle  of  a  hunt.  it’s  a  rude  shock  to  the  system,  having  to  bury  both  parents  at  such  a  young  age  but  they  do  it  with  tremendous  grace  and  class.  shortly  after  the  funeral,  they  drop  out  of  school  to  start  hunting.

they’re  jaded  going  into  it,  definitely.  their  only  real  image  of  hunters  is  the  one  they  were  handed  by  their  parents   ---   of  dark  circles  under  eyes,  chain  smoking,  swallowing  bourbon  like  water,  passing  out,  rinse  and  repeat.  they’re  determined  to  break  that  mold,  to  do  something  different  but  they  won’t  lie,  they  considered  it  at  first.  for  their  first  few  hunts  they  tried  to  imitate  their  parents,  and  it  didn’t  turn  out  well   ---   so,  like  everything  else,  ezra  fits  it  to themself,  and  the  rest  is  history.  they  develop  their  own  style,  and  it  works.

hoboken  is  too  small,  not  enough  for  them  so  they  pack  up  and  move  off  to  louisiana.  (  they’d  found  an  old  journal  of  their  parents’,  with  notes  alluding  to  a  wish  to  move  to  new  orleans  and  despite  not  being  close  they  figured  it  might  be  a  good  idea.  )  they’ve  been  in  nola  for  about  a  year  now,  and  they’re  growing  to  love  it.  they’ve  always  been  a  city  kid,  and  there’s  something  about  nola  just  speaks  to  them.

so,  fun  facts:

super  good  with  technology.  they  fix  shit  in  their  free  time,  &  they  build  computers  n  shit   ?????

smells  like  frangipani  and  jasmine  and  ginger.  they  smell  really  fucking  good  for  some  reason

lots  of  denim  and  leather  and  yellow  in  their  outfits.  they’ve  got  one  particular  leather  jacket  for  hunting,  but  they  kinda  started  a  collection

angelic  in  every  single  way  possible

has  a  black  cat,  named  salem.  salem’s  a  good  cat.

percy  floyd  frazer.  witch.  twenty - four.

full  name:  percy  floyd  frazer. physical  age:  twenty-four. birthplace:  amsterdam,  the  netherlands. birthdate:  february  12th,  1995. nationality:  british. species:  witch. gender  identity:  demi  male,  he/they  pronouns. sexuality:  bisexual.

percy  .......  sighs.  i  love  him  so  fuckin  much

so  !  percy  is  born  to  two  english  witches  while  they’re  on  holiday  in  amsterdam,  a  pregnancy  that  both  parties  had  been  hoping  for  ;  their  household  was  starting  to  feel  awfully  lonely,  and  a  baby  sounded  like  the  perfect  way  to  round  it  all  out.  naturally,  though,  nothing  goes  to  plan  ---  his  arrival  puts  ‘unwarranted  stress’  on  his  dad,  who  cuts  his  losses  and  runs  about  a  month  after  percy’s  birth.  bit  of  a  dick  move,  but  let’s  move  on.  his  mother,  annaliese,  doesn’t  harbour  any  real  resentment  towards  his  dad  for  leaving  ;  she’d  fallen  in  love  with  amsterdam  on  their  brief  holiday  and  was  planning  on  breaking  up  and  moving  there  anyway.  

so  !  for  his  entire  childhood,  it’s  just  percy  and  his  mom,  and  it’s  the  best  kind  of  childhood  you  could  ask  for.  he  grows  up  watching  all  the  same  movies  as  his  mom,  reading  her  books  and  just  hanging  around  her  24/7.  ngl  he  kinda  had  the  coolest  childhood   ????   his  mom  loved  to  rent  out  her  favourite  bands’  old  tour  videos  and  there’s  many  an  afternoon  where  the  two  of  them  would  sit  there  and  just  listen  to  music  together.  their  relationship  is  very  similar  to  that  of  theo  and  his  mother  from  the  goldfinch,  if  that  gives  anyone  a  frame  of  reference.

he’s  about  thirteen  when  she  finally  sits  him  down,  tells  him  about  the  magic  that  whispers  a  steady  thrum  in  his  veins.  she  tells  him  about  the  uprising,  about  the  way  magic  has  become  outlawed,  how  he   has  to  learn  to  restrain  himself.  it’s  a  lot  for  someone  so  young  to  understand,  but  he  sits  through  it  patiently,  peppering  questions  here  and  there.  he  doesn’t  seem  particularly  enthused  about  his  heritage  (  really,  who  would  )   ---   his  mother  barely  holds  back  the  tremor  in  her  voice  throughout  the  conversation.

the  more  percy  learns  about  the  restriction  of  magic,  the  more  bitter  and  jaded  he  grows  about  it  all.  he  doesn’t  hate  himself,  nor  his  mother,  hates  the  pureblood  monarchy  with  such  a  passion  it’s  almost  terrifying.  he’s  sixteen  when  he  swears  off  magic,  tries  to  quash  it  down  the  best  he  can.  he  point - blank  refuses  to  accept  that  it’s  part  of  him,  and  tries  to  find  a  passion  that  distracts  him  from  it.  that  ends  up  being  music,  and  he  takes  to  it  like  a  fish  takes  to  water.  the  minute  he  picks  up  a  guitar,  it’s  like  his  world  makes  sense.

they’ve  been  living  in  amsterdam  this  entire  time,  wasting  afternoons  in  art  galleries  and  bakeries.  percy’s  eighteen  when  he  decides  that  it’s  time  to  spread  his  wings  and  move  away  ---  his  decision  is  hardly  precise,  he  throws  a  dart  at  a  map  and  hopes  for  the  best.  it  lands  on  new  orleans,  louisiana,  and  he  just  kinda  goes  with  it.  he  doesn’t  have  much  to  pack  up:  a  single  suitcase  full  of  clothes,  another  filled  with  books  and  dvds,  and  his  guitars,  that’s  it.  both  him  and  his  mom  cry  at  the  airport,  but  it’s  happy  crying.  

so,  anyways   !   he’s  been  in  louisiana  for  six  years  now,  and  he  loves  it.  when  he  first  moved  he  worked  any  number  of  casual  jobs,  but  he’s  settled  into  one  as  a  bookseller  in  an  indie  bookshop.  he  writes  film  +  music  reviews  for  a  number  of  online  sites  as  well,  so  he’s  got  himself  a  steady  lil  income.  

some  fun  facts:

dresses  like  an  utter  e-boy  and  i  won’t  apologise  for  it  

looks  n  acts  like  an  arrogant  prick  sometimes  but  truly....... sweet,  kind,  would  do  anything  for  the  people  he  loves  (  even  if  that  number  is  small  )

totally  pretentious  about  his  tastes.  don’t  start  him,  for  the  love  of  god

perpetually  got  his  glasses  on,  perpetually  holding  an  oversized  cup  of  tea

has  a  collection  of  tiny  little  tattoos  (  they’re  all  references  to  books / movies / music  he  loves  )

i  ............  love  him  a  lot

[aristccrvcy]

( gavin leatherwood, trans male, he/him, fire emblem: three houses ) * &. i know it must be scary for you, ferdinand von aegir, after surviving the takeover. to turn into someone like feliciano “feli/ferdie” vitelli, a twenty-four year-old waiter at castle town diner, right here in castle town. just remember that you are as empathetic as you are opinionated, and to be wary, be safe, be true to who you are : neutral through and through

we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to talk about the closest fire emblem: three houses got to an actual disney prince - the man, the myth, the legend: FERDINAND VON AEGIR.

— BEFORE CASTLE TOWN

Soooooo Ferdinand is the son of the Adrestian Empire’s Prime Minister - basically an assistant to the Emperor - and that means he’s got some pretty big shoes to fill when he’d come of age to inherit his father’s title

BUT at the beginning of the game, he’s a regular ol student at the Officer’s Academy at Garreg Mach, in the Black Eagles house and boy is he... an interesting one.

Ferdinand has some very strong opinions on the nobility of Fodlan, often actually disagreeing with his father on many different topics considering Ferdinand HATES the idea of nobles that don’t respect the common folk && also nobles that abuse their positions of power. You heard right - Ferdie speaks FOR THE PEOPLE

...Speaking for the people like reminding everyone he’s the NOBLEST OF NOBLES every ten minutes and introducing himself every time you select him on the battlefield pre-timeskip but I won’t lie Ferdinand is a fucking gem. Like. He’s one of those characters u think is gonna be really stuck up & snobby early in the game but no he’s the exact opposite he’s so sweet & respectful he just has . . . VERY STRONG OPINIONS and he always needs to share them even when he isn’t asked

He’s very resolute to the point where his determination can make him stubborn - often sometimes competitive, pushy, and ... pesky, especially in Edelgard’s case since he’s CONSTANTLY trying to prove he’s at least her equal ( rivalry coming from the fact he knows he’s going to be her Prime Minister someday and he feels like he has to prove he’s worthy of it )

But just because this can manifest into some issues, that doesn’t mean Ferds is at all someone who thinks he can do no wrong. No, in most of his supports where he is the one at fault or if he’s accused of being the one at fault, he almost immediately either apologizes or figures out a way to fix the issue - his supports with Bernadetta, Marianne, and Dorothea really highlight this quality of his since it shows he isn’t above admitting to his own mistakes, and he actually WANTS to fix them to better help others around him. 

Dorothea immediately tells him she hates him and instead of either being petty or forcing her to like him - he immediately starts doing all he can to figure out why and instead try and see through her point of view. He doesn’t resent her for it. 

Another thing, too, is that while he’s extremely conscious of status, he doesn’t at all judge based on status - the only thing close to so is when he judges other nobles for not being noble or showing regards towards commoners. Ferdinand likes that he’s a noble, don’t get me wrong - he’s very proud to be one. But he wears his title with pride considering that he believes nobles should work for the people and not above the people. 

Ferdinand basically takes every snooty noble trope and punches it in the face before inviting someone to tea.

You know that one meme of the kid and the dad like “what are you doing” “teenage rebellion” “hell yeah stick it to the old people” 

This one

Yeah that’s Ferdinand when ppl form uprisings against corrupt nobles I just really fucking adore him okay

I JUST. THERE’S SO MUCH I LOVE ABOUT FERDINAND AND I DIDN’T EXPECT TO LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS I DO AND I MAY HAVE... ACCIDENTALLY KILLED HIM ON MY FIRST PLAYTHROUGH OF THE GAME BUT HE’S SO GOOD AND IM SAD.

That’s also coincidentally where I’m pulling him - if you don’t recruit Ferdinand in the Azure Moon or Verdant Wind routes, you unfortunately have to fight him and you can’t avoid him since he’s an enemy commander - my specific Ferdinand is also on a route where Dorothea was on the opposing side, and while he has all his memories, he most vividly remembers fighting her on the battlefield with regret since... long story short, Ferdie loves Dorothea a whole damn lot

ANYWAY THAT’S IT FOR NOW

— AFTER CASTLE TOWN

SOOOO YES Ferdie’s a waiter at CTD and yes he does love his job and his coworkers, thank you very much. He’s that employee that’s way too excited to start his shift and he’s that waiter that’s always a little too cheery and friendly and that in turn is... kind of a headache.

But god forbid if you disrespect Leon or Joshua or Jeremy or anyone else that works there FERDINAND WILL GIVE YOU A 10 MINUTE LECTURE ON WHY YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE THERE 

Yes. That.

He also probably writes a hundred letters to City Hall whenever he thinks there’s a slight issue with how they’re handling things and probably applied for an internship or a position and didn’t get it so now he’s decided he’s going to complain to them and call them out even when not officially ... being there.

His past life is pretty simple and not at all different - except his father was a corrupt businessman he doesn’t have contact with anymore, and his name is Feliciano Vitelli but still insist people call him Ferdie if not Feli because he still remembers himself as FERDINAND VON AEGIR, THE NOBLE

probably still catches himself introducing himself as Ferdinand von Aegir, backtracks - I AM FELICIANO VITELLI!

but yes that’s it I’m so excited. This is my baby. I love my boy.

[supermom8609]

" Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon... no matter how good you are the Bird is going to shit on the whole board and strut around like it won anyways... Till he's handed a alka seltzer and can't move due to every piece of him being scattered everywhere."

-better stick to.... someone who needs to be anonymous but so badly wishes to say it.

Well I just sat down to decompress, refresh, kick back, whatever you want to call it. But my dumbass just read my blog from this morning. I dont know what crazy train that lady came off of but somebody better take her back to the station. I cant believe some people talk like that and not just pose as my calm, predictive, non stress self. I'm so shocked and taken back from seeing it all. Lol. And ok im done.

You see that beautiful man, well he's every bit of my mind, heart, and soul. Before him I never cheated, but i damn sure looked at women. But for some odd fucking reason, in which scares me a lot, I can't even watch porn with him like before and feel right. If anything is crazy, that right there is. To make me love you as much as I do him, well that's like holding my air sack and being the sole reason I get to take that next breathe. I mean I honestly thought I had loved as hard as it gets. But it wasn't love, loyalty maybe, but not genuine love. Not even close to this. With that being so..... I pray he never sees this and find a out just how bad he has me for him. He's already one with a huge head. Hahah pun intended, I swear I make myself laugh at my own shit all the time. But for real....I think you get it

But..... that same man I adore with every fiber I am made of, well he has been raised with so much hate, every person he has had, both family and friend, has been a bad example being a conditional love in his life. I dont know if May be something else happened that he isn't telling me, but the man thinks being in love also comes with even having an option to walk away when shit gets hard and or ugly. He's never had someone tell him what's wrong, or constructively but with honesty, correct and fix things. He was taught violent angry fits, solve everything. Before you think what your thinking, not just no, but he'll no, has he ever laid his hands on me. He never would. With knowing that, I can tell you there isn't anything else that would ever justify leaving his side for good. Not even cheating. I CAN TAKE WHATEVER he throws at me, as long as wgen he's not having those I am told my worth. I dont give a fuck what anyone says. We are fucking human, and those hurtful words hurt worse than stones. But.... and he's the big but, I never had this strong love with anyone till last November when I laid eyes on my birthfather for the first time. I was also thrown away not once, not twice, but three times by family who should have never let thwir child go. I dont blame my birth mother, God rest her soul, she did what she knew was best, and didn't abort me, but placed me for adoption. I went through the system, in one foster family, out that one, and into another, in which they do end up adopting me, but every gosh damn day of my crazy life, was spent being forced into forming to the mold they had designed. Never excepted me at all for who I wanted to be, who I needed to be, who God made me like.

But that is another days work of writing. I could have a whole book or book series talking about me and my uprising.

"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing."

- Shakespeare

[stanbangttan]

THE DOOR GUY // Drabble // Yoongi x Reader

Summary: You are in Seoul, because of the job opportunity, stumbling upon your favorite producer, Yoongi in front of a restaurant.

Warning: fluff, angst, 

A/N: I hope you love this. I am a little late. But still. Happy birthday to you Nicole. You deserve the world ❤️ @nmmthings  Try to find the song. COMMENT. Requests are still open. Hop on.

Word count: 2k

We were in the foreign country and still my sister got more guys than me. She got one for now, or she accepted one, and as it goes for me I got zero, as per usual. She was gorgeous, of course, but did she have to say yes? I will dare to say I am cute too, it’s just that I am an introvert and she is an extrovert.  And the fuck, why am I the one who needs to drive her. This car is rented. If we even make a small dent, we’re doomed, and I am not so confident I ride well. I even take the metro to my studio. I am a good driver but still I am not comfortable driving in the new town. Especially where I don’t understand the signs or even what drivers are yelling at me. I love this city. I love everything about it. I couldn’t even imagine we would ever go to Seoul. Not when I was told I have a job opportunity of going, and even for a month. And with my sister. Visiting it and even get paid to live there. Did I save a country in my last life? However there were those bad sides of my trip. Not knowing the language entirely. Managing to find a translator in Korea was a plus, but getting my company to pay him as well was a long shot, that somehow worked out. I was a working on a project with SM entertainment for upcoming comeback of Red Velvet. I wrote and produced some of the songs with their producing team. I was chosen to help them to create new sound of their songs. Which I am pretty excited for. But that was not my goal. The one I would love to work with was actually Big Hit. Because I heard the idols produced their own songs which is something that blew me off. No one had that kind of freedom in Korean discography and succeeded at that. Made that money, became uprising star. So I got into it more. Starting following their work. I really am amazed how they put they all into the music. I love the actual freedom of making, artistic freedom and lyric writing they have. And they actually rock it really well. They got big. So I have entered Kpop market, hoping I will work with them one day. It’s a wish of mine to see the masterpiece in the making, live.

 I worked, while my sister enjoyed Seoul life. It’s an understatement to tell I was really jealous of her. She could enjoy life, meet boys and explore the town. Not that I couldn’t but still it was working. And I wouldn’t even hit on a guy or flirt in any way. But it would be nice to have a day off and explore the city. Namsan tower, Han river, maybe going to brunch in Gangnam. Feeling and acting boujee. Living a Kdrama? Maybe.. “You trust that tinder or whateveriscalled dating apps too much..”  I told Ana, as I drove her. She had full glam makeup, putting more lipstick in the passenger seat mirror. “Can you like chill.. It’s just for a coffee..” “Can we have a like safe word or text if you’re not feeling well or if he’s a creep or a dork so you can text me and I’ll call you to get you out and pick you up? At least do that for me, Ana. That is the least you can do.” I pleaded her. She is to naïve when it comes to internet. “Nicole, chill please.” I looked at her with piercing eyes, so she’ll understand this is no joke. I don’t really know why did I even accepted to drive her. “Okaay, listen, I will text you S.O.S. and you call me telling me something like I need to feed the cat, I don’t know..Is that okay?” She said with bored tone.

“Enough for me..” I smiled, as I put my eyes on the road. I dropped her off at this nice ass looking restaurant, and she kissed me saying goodbye. Maybe this is the last time I will see her, Korean mafia drawing her into prostitution… I watch too many kdramas, she’ll be fine. And this is too nice of a place for “just coffee”.. And she is too dressed up for “just coffee”. She lied again. I drove myself back to my studio, and worked a little more, so I won’t sit a home worrying about Ana.

 An hour passed and I lost track of time. My phone buzzed. Screen light fell onto my face, as I saw a text “S.O.S”.. I KNEW IT ANA. I TOLD YOU SO! HER BODY IS NOW BEING DRAGGED IN A ALLY, AND SHE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO TEXT ME. SNEAKY LITTLE BITCH. I dialed her number, hoping she’s not in the same room, at the same table with a serial killer. Oh please, pick up. “Hello?” , she askes like she doesn’t have my number ID. Good she’s alive and her mouth doesn’t have old sock to shut her up. “Are you in trouble, or just bored at the date? Say Oh hello if you’re in trouble.”, this isn’t the fist time she needed the way out. This is a constant routine for me and her.

“No, no, you’re not bothering. I don’t think I can. I am busy now.”, Oh, she’s just bored, she continued, “Kyungsoo, don’t you mind I take this call?” “No, not a problem.”, I heard male the voice in the background. He is quite polite. I know now why she is bored. She likes bad boys. She hates polite, mommy sons, that will hold the door for her, or tell her how beautiful she looks tonight. She will rather fall for the egoistic, full of himself guy, that will not pay attention to her whatsoever. “GET ME OUT OF HERE.” She fucking yelled, while in the bathroom, I suppose, because of the echo,” He is so boring, Nic. He talks all about his work, how beautiful I look or how he is really glad to meet me. He tells me we can explore city together and he will be my guide. Ugh.. I can’t.” “Maybe I won’t pick you up, maybe you deserve to bore yourself to death. Make him take you home. Know where you live. And bore you some more.” “Thank you so much. FUCK YOUR SAFE WORD, IF IT DOESN’T WORK.” She hissed. “It works for serious situations. Not when a guy is a gem and wanna take it slow with you. Would you rather him to take you to bed and not call you tomorrow?” “Well with his body, maybe I would like that more than this.” “Then tell him that.” I hung up. My phone buzzed again. A call. “ARE YOU INSANE? COME TO SAVE ME” “Me? New phone who dis?” “Will you please pick me up? I will do anything!” “Ok, I like this. I’m there in fifteen.” I would pick her up anyways. This is just a plus.

 I picked up my keys, well rented car keys, phone and a wallet. I don’t need anything else. I parked in front of the restaurant. I got my phone and keys with me. Ready to act out a scene. I didn’t watch all those kdramas for nothing. As I go closer to the door I inhale and exhale. I am not good in public speaking, or dealing with strangers. To be honest, I am horrible at that. And I do all of this because of Ana. I remind myself, Ana, because of Ana. You have to, Nicole. As I grab the door handle, still looking to the floor, something hit me, my phone and keys scattering to the floor. I stumble backwards, falling on my butt. I look up, and something was actually a door and someone was exiting the restaurant in a hurry. My face got even more shocked when in front of me, apologizing was Yoongi. The one that produces for Big Hit. Well for his group, and one of the producers. “Miane, miane..Shit..”, he hissed. All I understood was “SHIT”.. “What?” I said. “Oh.. I mean I am sorry, are you ok?” his gummy smile appeared when he saw me. I smiled instantly too.

He took my hands and picked me up. I cleaned my jeans while he grabbed my keys of the concrete. He took the phone and I heard that “SHIT” again. I turn quickly to look and as I thought. It broke. It still works but it’s broken. And it’s new. Dammit. I took so good care of it. When I turn my gaze back to him he has a horrendous look plastered on his face.

“Hey, look. I am so sorry, but I gotta run. My name is Yoongi.” He put his hand in front and I have shaken it. “Nicole..” I am still shocked. Fuck my phone. I met him. HIM. “Look Nicole, I am really sorry. I am willing to pay for it, or buy you a new one.” He put his hand behind his head, stroking his neck. Looking nervously for his ride, I guess. Still flashing his smile to me. “Oh noooooo, you don’t have to…” I made “no” movements with my hands. “I have to. It’s my fault. What’s your number? Do you have a Korean card or?”

He looked at me with sincere eyes. I really didn’t need him to pay for it, I will not even mention the act of buying me a new one. But will I miss an opportunity to give him my number and a possible call/texting with YOONGI!!!! Just because I don’t want my phone fixing receipt paid by him.. Well fuck it. I have nothing to lose.

“I have my card.. wait here.. “ I unlocked my car, that was parked behind me, took a my business card from my wallet. “Here you have both of my numbers, and an email.. and address to my producing studio..” he watched me closely, then started backing out. Did I overdo it? Dammit. I always do that. I get nervous. And I screw up everything. Shit.

“Okay!” he got a few meters away, still looking at me. Am I this weird or is he still shocked? And shocked by what? My card?

“I am not giving this because I want your money for the phone.. Just I would love to work with you.. or grab a coffee..” I added shouting, with a smile.  “Got it. Gotta go.” He said straight face, thumbs up. I got freaking THUMBS UP from Yoongi. Are you kidding me? Who even does that?

He’s weird. I am weird. WE’RE DESTINED.

Hmmm, I hope he didn’t misunderstood me for a fangirl. Well I am a fan, and a girl but of his work not an actual fangirl. Oh, fuck it. He totally did misunderstood.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? Ana mouthed when she saw me. 

Okay, MA! MA! MA! The stage is mine. “Ana...Oh hi, youu...new guy.”, I turned the to Ana, ”BUT we must go. Munchie is vomiting again!” “WHAAT? MUNCHIE? IS HE GONNA BE OKAY?” She said with real tears in her eyes.This bitch outshines me again. “I don’t know we must take him to the VET. “ I said sadly. “OH NO, NOT THE VET. HE HATES THE VET. Kyungsoo I have to go. I hope you understand..” “Y-yea..” Poor guy doesn’t know what hit him. “I’ll see you around..” Ana said when she practically run away from the date. As we got to the car, Ana was laughing. “MUNCHIE? Are you serious. I was losing it out there. Don’t you know normal pet names?” “If you make another complaint, I will leave your ass hanging next time.” She made a zipper closing meme across her mouth. Not saying a word. “I thought so.” On the red light my phone buzzed. My broken ass phone lighted up. I took it to read the text. Unknown number. What the f-

 I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE.

I hope you liked it guys.  Find a song a s usual.  First one can give me a reaction/drabble idea to write. And I will.  

[kylosrehn]

oh. oh. so that's how we're doing this? fine then. (I kid I love the excuse to send you LOTS) favorite character to write about this year? any new fics to start next year? events you participated in this year? fics you wanted to write but didn’t? a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read?

spamming me is actually the way to my heart, this is facts

•  favorite character to write about this year: 

honestly i’m torn between ophelia and leopold (as in, framework fitz.) i loved exploring ophelia, giving her a backstory and developing her character (because ahem, canon failed to do so), putting her in different scenario/aus and just having fun with her in general. i tried to stick to the (brief) canonic characterisation of her in like, the first half of 4x21, before everything went to shit, and obviously the madame hydra characterisation as much as i could, but admittedly a lot of it was my own personal input/shared headcanons and i guess that’s what made it so fun. that’s not to say she’s a blank canvas, but because canon didn’t really expand on her character (she was human for like, what, less than a day?) a lot of it was down to personal interpretation to fill in the blanks. !always human ophelia, for example, would obviously be totally different to the canon enhanced/inhuman/freshly 3d printed version of her and so on. basically it was really fun to try and figure out what she’d be like had canon not done her so dirty.

and, of course, leopold. it’s true that watching/writing/reading about villains is often more fascinating than focusing on the protagonist. i stand by what i’ve said before - he is my favourite aos character. yeah, he was in four episodes, and yeah he’s technically not a separate character at all - but it feels like he is and that’s basically the interpretation i ran with most of the time, treating the framework as an alternate, separate universe as opposed to a virtual reality. hell, even within that virtual reality, he’s just so vastly different, so deliciously depraved that it makes it super fun to explore his character further. there’s just so much more to him than meets the eye and i fondly remember all the days i spent over the summer just coming up with and discussing headcanons about his upbringing, his father and mother, his academy years and rise to power at hydra. that’s the great thing about the framework - the parts it gives you are fantastic, but the parts it doesn’t give you are even better. so a lot of it was exploring his past and his future (babiesssss. !dad leopold might just be my favourite thing, like, ever. the mad, scary doctor caring for a baby. it kills me. him worrying that he’s going to let his child down and become just like his father. the angsssst). he’s so complex and so evidently deeply troubled and absolutely tragic and i love it. he’s not a black and white, “he’s evil and that’s it” kind of character. he’s passionate and determined; he wants to love and be loved, but because of the constant pressure via his father and the absence of his mother, he’s not quite sure how to go about showing it. it’s so fun to explore his voice because he’s canonically savage and just so… like, there’s something so chilling about his stoic demeanor (notice how he only has angry outbursts in private.) i can’t begin to explain how fun it is to poke around his head and explore why he does what he does - he’s convinced he’s saving people, okay, he literally believes that - and how he deals with the complications that arise (inhuman baby, that will be all.) 

tl;dr: leopold “the doctor” fitz is fucked up and i absolutely love it.

any new fics to start next year? 

not entirely sure if this is a fic rec or a wip question tbh, so i’m basically gonna give a brief run-down of my fic to-do-list: okay, so i have like three fitz/skye fics i still need to write (as in, plot bunnies that will literally keep driving me insane until i finally get my shit together and get them down on virtual paper). the first one is a (late) christmas-based fic where they’re both working at hydra and he’s her scrouge-like boss who, outwardly, hates joy and love and christmas. one day, after a phone call from his mother, he tells skye he’s got a proposal for her (literally and figuratively speaking). cue a fake-dating trope fic with christmas fluff and a scottish backdrop. basically “the proposal” but with less deportation and more christmas. 

the second one is the framework fitz/skye post-revolution prison au (totally inspired by your three sentence prompt fill, which i love.) listen, i love torturing him and the entire prison sequence from 5x05 stole my heart, depression prison beard and all. so, it’s more of that, plus a lot of healing in a motel room. 

and the third one, which is less of a solid idea and more of a vague outline in my head: a lowkey star wars au. well. a part of it. soulbond i guess? whatever you want to call it. basically i can’t stop thinking about the two of them being psychically linked and appearing to each other at the most inconvenient of times and falling in love like idiots despite the fact that he’s the literal actual head of hydra and she’s a newly-turned-inhuman and, you know, a devoted resistance member. basically, she’s his redemption arc.

also i’m gonna try and finally fill the prompts in my inbox, because i’m always yelling for more and then they just sit there and i end up hoarding. 

events you participated in this year?

i really started writing proper aos fic in the second half of the year, so i didn’t get a chance to join all that many, but hopefully i’ll join more of these in 2018.

• fitzsimmonsnetwork secret santa 2017• aospositivitynet secret santa 2017• skyeward big bang(because i like to mix it up a little. also because like no aos fic writing event accounts for my fav aos ship, rip)

fics you wanted to write but didn’t?

SO. MANY. too many arguably. like, i’m so bad. i’ll probably update this post if/when i upload an actual unfinished fic dump 2017 part II, because tbh i’ve been toying with the idea for a while. 

okay, so there’s: 

1. the literal very first aos fic i started writing, a direct result of all my pent-up anger and frustration at that lame-ass finale. i decided a fix-it fic was in order, where it basically diverges from canon around halfway through 4x21 (before that scene) and ophelia’s pardoned and allowed to stay, albeit under close surveillance and basically locked up in the containment module and the team has to learn to deal with it and accept her while fitz helps her come to terms with what it really means to be human. also, feelings don’t just get thrown away instead of being properly addressed because that’s lazy writing and you can love more than one person at a time, god fucking damn it). while this is still unfinished, it admittedly later evolved into a broader collab verse known as “team au.”

2. fitz/ophelia ‘we kind of broke up because you chose jemma and now we’re meeting again years later in new york and i never realised how much i missed you until you started chasing me down the street’ au.

3. this one canon-divergence (though canon can’t prove me wrong, so technically…) au where the framework is still the framework and everything is pretty much the same except ophelia’s pregnant (look, in 4x16 when he’s getting all worked up about “i have to protect you, i have to…” and she grabs his hand i literally thought for a moment that she was going to place it against her stomach and they’d do an oh-my-god-baby reveal, but they’re not ballsy enough to go there, so it’s mostly just wishful thinking BUT STILL) so when daisy quakes her out the window, well. in other words: ANGST. 

4. this one fic where fitz and ophelia went to high school together but never really interacted until one party during the summer of their freshman year of college, realise they have feelings for each other and sleep together literally under the stars before he moves across the country because of college and a prestigious internship. shortly after term starts, ophelia realises she’s pregnant. cue long-distance internet pining, several failed attempts to confess/meet up in person, and and lots of hurt/comfort as ophelia slowly learns to accept her situation and make the best of it. plus some father-daughter bonding. it sounds really lame now i guess, but it’s really an idea that’s been with me for a long time and i’ve plotted and planned it and thought about it a lot so i would really love to push myself to just sit down and word vomit it out at some point. i promised myself i’d do in december/over christmas, but of course that didn’t happen, so hopefully sometime in january. it’s kind of a pet project of mine so i’ll be really disappointed in myself if i just let it go, even though the fitz/ophelia ship is as good as dead by now and i’d probably just be writing it for myself more so than for any real kind of audience. (yeah, i still have a soft spot for this ship, mostly because of the chest-tightening nostalgia i get whenever i think about it and the literal hours i’d spent being so completely invested in it over the summer. will i ever get over it? probably not.)

there’s a bunch of other stuff i always wanted to explore (leopold backstory, framework-canon hydra uprising, framework post-canon revolution, etc.) but never really got far enough in any other stuff to go into detail about them here (i really have to properly sift through my docs at some point, it’s literally a fic dump of headcanons/ideas from like, three months of hardcore obsessing all summer) but i guess one simple conclusion can be drawn from all this: i have a thing for angst, redemption arcs and pregnancy/baby fic, not necessarily in that order. 

a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read?

this is such a hard question because 1. i’ve read a lot of stuff from like, a weird mix of different fandoms, 2. with my ‘unfortunate/problematic’ choice of ships/favourite characters it’s hard to pick something everyone would enjoy. however:

for this empire, after night  - i know the kylo ren/rey pairing isn’t for everyone (see above), but in my defense this isn’t really a shippy fic at all. it may, however, be one of the damn most beautiful things i’ve read in a long, long time. the descriptions, the imagery. it’s breathtaking (and really puts my own miserable scribbling into perspective)

[thessalian]

Thess vs Narrative Set-Up

So I don’t even play TOR anymore - hell, I didn’t even play Iokath - and yet I have feelings about the whole ‘traitor on Iokath’ thing. I keep up sometimes. Kind of hard not to, given my lifetime MMO progression, my Tumblr dash and my Enjin wall. So before I go try to grind levels and ventures in the game that, while occasionally utterly fucking incomprehensible, at least doesn’t pull this shit on me (like, the last traitors we had in FFXIV were ‘possessed by someone’ or ‘pretty obviously shifty with comprehensible ulterior motive’ and I can work with that)...

Spoilers under cut. Despite the fact that I think everyone on my Tumblr who cares, knows.

Theron Shan. What the FUCK.

Look, for Dark Siders it makes sense. But for Light Siders? All of his talking about being a benevolent dictator ... the last time I checked, we didn’t actually get the tiniest bit of say in the day-to-day running of anything. If ‘the Alliance was rotting from within’, why did we not ICly get the option to stop it? This is the game blaming the player for things it fucking well failed to include, and I am not. Fucking. Having it.

And this, “I had hoped for peace but war just continued so I’ll get you out of the way and it’ll all stop” bullshit? Point one: THEY STARTED IT. We keep fighting because people. Keep. ATTACKING US. And if we’re Light Side, they’re not doing it because they hate our oppressive regime; they’re doing it because we have the biggest guns and they want to take those guns away from us so that we don’t have an advantage in the wars they want to start. If the Eternal Fleet goes bye-bye, all that’s going to happen is that Republic and Empire are going to regroup to go at each other again, and pirates are going to end up all over the fucking place to steal from rebuilding efforts and set up their own little versions of Hutt space until someone bigger comes and clears them out. So ... yet more war.

Summary: We’re being blamed by a NPC who has up until this point been a reasonable person, and who is also ignoring the long-term picture for the most reactionary short-term view imaginable, for things we weren’t allowed to even know about in game, much less try to fix by any means but those Uprising things. This ... makes no sense. This is lazy. And this is, to me, further proof that they are predominantly writing this for a Dark Side character. Honestly, I’ve always had a feeling that this was a Sith Warrior plot with Jedi Knight as a secondary. Now they’ve apparently stopped pretending that the Republic actually matters all that much.

And don’t even get me started on, “You know I love you ... but this is bigger than us”. You are not allowed to say that when it’s bookended by “Mwahahaha” dialogue, okay? If you love someone, you try to talk them out of whatever it is you think they’re doing wrong. If you’re afraid they’ll talk you out of it, maybe your idea isn’t as good as you think it is, or you need to stand by your convictions. Do not kill people because you are apparently easily led.

The only thing - the absolute ONLY THING - I can think of that makes Theron Shan doing this shit make any sense at all beyond triple-agent (which would be cheap as fuck retcon handwavey bullshit for which I have no respect) or brainwashing (ditto) is that he’s wrecked over what he did on Ziost. Because let’s face it - he handled Ziost badly. Shit was going down and what did he do? Sent a secret Jedi strike force. Who then proceeded to get possessed and killed or ... well, frankly eaten along with the rest of the planet. Although you’d think that that particular brand of bullshit would have reminded him that maybe that’s what happens when you pull stupid reactionary shit without telling anyone.

Also, can we talk about the “I’ve been planning this since you killed Valkorion” line? Theron tells a Light Side Commander that he’d been hoping they’d make a difference but they didn’t so he’s killing them now. How the hell much chance did any Commander have to change anything immediately after killing Valkorion? I imagine, given the whole ‘literally ripped a Force entity out of their head’ thing, they spent at least three days in medbay on significant painkillers with the migraine from hell - particularly if they were a Force-user, since Valkorion screamed every Force-user in the galaxy into at least a pretty major headache when he kicked it. Bioware, seriously, at least give us a reasonable turning point, some in-story impetus for this shit, before you have characters turn on us.

So, summary: This is bullshit. Taken from a completely analytical perspective, this is bullshit and Bioware pulling the “shock twist to keep people interested” gambit. In terms of “people we trusted pulling really ridiculous shit”, I’m going to have to break it down a little because frankly that is EVERY Bioware game. But ... okay, the ones that went more or less completely barmy and did something that had really painful consequences. Saren made sense, was well set up and beautifully written, and made one of the most sympathetic antagonists I’ve ever seen. Loghain had some issues, but those issues were well-documented, well-demonstrated and while I don’t agree with what he did afterwards, I see the reasoning behind abandoning Cailan at Ostagar. Zevran ... well, that depends on your choices. (I don’t count Morrigan; what she was asking for was not at any point particularly painful, though that only comes out like two games later.) Anders? You could see the logical progression from “I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation; why do you threaten it?” to “There can be no peace”. Isabela ... is Isabela. We know this. Blackwall / Reinier - we all saw that shit coming when he kept stumbling over “I am pretending to be a Warden ‘cos I don’t know shit about Wardens” so we can hardly complain about that. Iron Bull ... well, come on, if you pick that choice, he’s Ben-Hassrath and you more or less ordered him to put the Qun ahead of friendship; when the Qun wants you dead, and you’re staring at the axe of a remorseful Bull, you brought that shit on yourself. Solas ... okay, not so entirely sure why he’s so bent on this particular course of action, but none of this beggars belief. And let’s not even start me talking about the glorious Face Heel Turn that was ‘Master Li’ in Jade Empire. Each and every one of these was well-foreshadowed and set up on a foundation of possibility that you look back on and go, “Oh, yeah, I can see that...” This, though? This, as far as I can see, came out of fucking nowhere. And the fact that they had to come up with bullshit non-answers for a Commander’s entirely reasonable questions just proves they didn’t set up a damn thing to act as foundation and support structure for this asinine decision.

The worst part is they fucking planned this. Apparently if you killed Arcann, you get a lot of dialogue from Valkorion about one of your people being a traitor. A lot of people are saying that they had a different traitor in mind and that information leaked so they decided to change it last minute ... but this belies that. Besides, I don’t imagine we’re going to see changes to their stupid idea of who the traitor is now that this has leaked, since the spoilers are coming out of datamining. Someone actually sat down and said, “We’re going to make Theron Shan the traitor! Won’t that be shocking?” and surprisingly, no one said, “What’ll be shocking is if our player base doesn’t lynch us for this”.

Bioware, you are phoning it in. This is why I have not bought Andromeda. I know it’s different teams (probably, unless the rumours are true about them having pulled all the good writers off TOR to patch Andromeda together) but I do not trust you to give me what I want for my money anymore. You are constantly leaning on your “Now With CLASSIC BIOWARE STORYTELLING” reputation, so ... why not try actually doing some? Resting on your laurels just ends up with crushed laurels under your lazy arse.

[enchantedzuyorker]

A Prison Break

The way that I see it, industrial society is a multi-dimensional prison facility that stratifies its population according to the value of one’s productive output. Those who contribute the most toward reproducing and maintaining this prison are rewarded with social recognition and greater access to survival resources. And those who contribute the least are ridiculed, shamed and left to die off. The overall collectivism created through mass participation normalizes this binary way of life, generating a social pressure that drives assimilation and discourages insubordination. In order to function, industrial society normalizes wage-enslavement through learned inferiority. As people grow to internalize this sense of inferiority, they become dependent on industrial society and its symbolic representation of order. As people accept themselves individually as weak and powerless, societal prison fulfills a sense of group power and belonging.

I view industrial society as a prison because like all prisons, its function is to subordinate through containment. But the construction of this prison requires individuals not only to surrender themselves to a collectivist vision of law and order, but also to a unifying acceptance of separation: One’s alienation from nature creates a fear remedied by a sense of safety found in order, predictability, and structure. From this point of view institutionalization can be seen as the result of one fearing their own wild potential beyond the walls of civilized captivity. On an individual level, the thought-crime of feral insubordination is contained with suppression that is conditioned with years of behavioral civilizing (for example the educational industrial complex and its deeply traumatic process of assimilating children into civilized society). In mass society, the individual self ceases to be unique as it becomes controlled, homogenized, and assimilated into the collectivist mentality of social membership. The physical body of an individual becomes merely a unit of productivity that is valued based on its material contribution to industrial society.

Individuality is redefined by society and suppressed by assigned social constructs that categorically position it within the broader collectivist system. These socially constructed identities become representative of the Self as merely a member of fixed class, race, and gendered identity categories. At this point in the civilizing process, individuality is exchangable with identity, losing all of its color and freedom as a unique animal being. In the societal prison the individual animal is transformed into an inmate collectively known as a “citizen”. Now, as a member of this prison society, every citizen has an obligation to contribute their mind and body toward its reproduction and maintenance. It is reproduced on an individual level through morals, standardized behavioral norms, cultures, and traditions. For those who refuse this obligation (or for any number of reasons are unable to fulfill it), they are condemned to the punishment of poverty.

What I hear often from leftists is the use of the word “lifestylist” as a way to describe what they consider an undesirable form of anarchy. When I first started reading post-left anarchist writings, I was inspired by the courageous adventures of self-exploration beyond categorical definition. I enjoyed the writings of those who embraced anarchy as life - nihilistic and wild against the social forces of civilized domestication. So it struck me as odd that some self-identifying anarchists took issue with this way of thinking and acting – going so far as to use “lifestyle anarchist” as an insult. So I ask those individuals: What is the difference between social anarchism and the monotony of workplace wage-slavery? Year after year there are anarchist holidays, noise demonstrations, potlucks, commune gatherings and so on – all of which to this day have not led “the masses” any closer to any sustainable uprising. In a way, workplace wage-slavery has more effect on “the masses” than any radical organizing: workplace wage-slavery further expands capitalism worldwide, while radical organizing has only led to (at most) small waves of revolt that ultimately are managed and suppressed by the state. So where does the individual fit into all this? Is there a pull from two opposing directions that share the commonality of attempting to transform the individual?

I have had experience with both wage-slavery and radical organizing. And both ended with the same conclusion: unfulfillment. Both choices required the surrendering of my mind and body to maintain their functioning, which inevitably led to monotonous repetition. Both choices share a circular logic: participation, no matter how difficult, driven by the hope that one day things will be better. So rather than seeking another chamber of society to identify with and occupy, I am seeking emancipation - a prison break not only from the captivity of death-driven wage-slavery, but also from the mental workerism that conceals itself behind the banner of radical organizing. So what is one to do if they are neither occupying their mind with wage- slavery nor burning out with radical organizing? Is society, the prison encompassing these two life choices, worthy of critique? A prison can materialize externally and internally. The most successful external prison is one that finds its reflection within those it holds captive. Those held captive reinforce that prison by internalizing the “citizen” collectivist identity. If we are not free individuals who roam, dance, and explore the wild beyond the walls of industrial captivity, then what are we?

We are inmates of society identified by social security numbers and birth-dates. We are subjected to these domesticating walls of confinement which institutionalize us, and in exchange we’re offered materialism to fill the void where chaos once connected us to life at birth. If one understands their enslavement to society thoroughly, they reach the logical conclusion that the lives we claim to own ultimately belong to those who utilize them the most. This is why I personally hate work and find no affinity with any ideology that glorifies workerist identity. “Full-time” employment means average 40 hours a week in which an individual’s mind and body are owned in exchange for monetary access to mind-numbing materialism or survival necessities. Without getting into the details of wage- slavery in exchange for only a portion of what the product of one’s labor is actually worth, we are talking about hours of one’s life lost forever. Similar to a prison, society owns its inmate citizens by purchasing their slavery at minimal pay rates. Like a prison, society functions and flourishes with a massified labor force that collectively surrenders livelihood to the norm of law and order.

But what about the individualist who refuses participation? And perhaps not only refuses participation but also sabotages?

From my own perspective, the lifestylist prefers rebellion now rather than waiting for “the masses” - expropriating life, resources, and time for hedonistic adventure. And the lifestylist is not a specialist in anarchy: Any single individual subjugated by society is capable of individualist insubordination. There are grocery stores of food, wild food to be foraged, the moon and stars to act as cover for black clad cells of earth and animal liberationists. There is plenty of logging equipment to be sabotaged, storefronts to be smashed. There are howls of feral revolt to be shared across the globe between those who are determined to enjoy their lives against the dominion of misery.

The first thing people ask me is “What do you do for a living?”. And my answer is supposed to include some form of wage-slavery that financially supports my living. When I was an activist people used to ask me how much I got paid doing it. I laughed every time and to my disbelief, eventually realized that activism too has a lucrative place under capitalism. I am used to tabling free zines and posting all my writing on The Anarchist Library (and where and who ever else tolerates my ramblings). But some people go around giving lectures and speeches at colleges gettin’ mad cash. I prefer makin’ cash illegally- not by attempting to commodify rebellion any further than it already has been. So my answer to what I do for a living is usually “Anarchy”; I live and survive this way, as free as I can be, with no intentions on returning to wage-slavery or radical organizing.

Another critique of life as anarchy that I have grown tired of hearing is the myth that train-hopping, illegally expropriating food and resources and other individualist forms of rebellion are a “white” activity that also undermines the working class. This critique often comes from an identity-based assumption that the “working class” and POC are a monolithic mass incapable of materializing liberation on an individual level. Leftism leads one to believe that the population, in particular POC, needs to be led to revolution through rigorous education by radical leadership. Not only is this mentality condescending, it relies heavily on the assumption that all POC and or workers think alike and share the same political interest. Is this perhaps the reason why despite years and years of radical organizing and propagating “the revolution”, Illuminist capitalism still has a powerful workforce, further expanding this nightmarish technological industrial complex?

So I ask those who accuse the individualist of disregarding the workers: How many times do you spend time, money, and energy attempting the same thing, under the same assumptions, yet expecting different results? Do you honestly blame the lifestylists for refusing to surrender their lives to the draining repetition of either wage-slavery or organizing? When anarchy is limited to and defined by a duty to educate and organize others, it has already become domesticated. Does it not count as a racist blanket statement to assume only “white” people are capable of creating activities that are based on individualist empowerment?

I once heard someone say that lifestyle anarchists are privileged. I thought about it for a while. I tried to understand how taking the courageous initiative to reclaim one’s life was a privilege. I couldn’t help but feel that such an accusation comes from a place of internalized defeat; a defeat so powerful that one can only perceive individual emancipation as an unattainable luxury. Similar to the identity prisons of race and gender, this mentality encourages one to view their self as an eternally disempowered victim of society. Rather than seeing one’s self as the ultimate creator of freedom, one views their self only in terms of mental prisons.

I have watched over the years as anarchism has become a platform for internalizing and glorifying victimhood. I have critiqued this in previous writing, but the relevance here is that there is this subtle message in anarchism that says “if you are not a victim, you must be privileged. And if you are privileged, you should feel guilty about improving the quality of your life. If we suffer, YOU should suffer too.”. I believe it is this type of subtle message, circulated in radical spaces, that is responsible for the trend that labels individualist thought “privileged”, and encourages the abandonment of any ideas that challenge the internalized prison of morality.

For me, anarchy as wildness is a bomb that never stops exploding. It is the pesticide-resistant weed that cracks the foundation of industrial society and organizational conformity. Anarchy is the abomination of formally organized structures. It finds its reflection in the hedonism of the brave, ungovernable individual who rebels today with no expectation of a tomorrow. There are no social constructs – race, gender, or whatever – that can truely represent those who refuse the definitions, roles, and limitations imposed by society. Feral individualism is the lunatic enemy combatant of society, setting fire to the social contract of mental subordination. Within this societal prison race, gender, and other socially constructed identities are like numbers branded onto bodies, grouping people according to some authoritarian vision. Identity politics reinforces the internalized prison that confines individual uniqueness, and projects the mind and body policing of others.

If freedom of individuality is only defined by an individual’s commitment to the group, then what makes the group any less governing than a state? If the anarchist critique of government is that it can never give one freedom, then why would one accept the governing of an identity, commune or society?

If there is any real possibility of the population rising up in any insurrectionary way, it will most likely come from an individual realization that being a wage-slave ultimately reinforces the walls of this prison we call “society”. And as long as individuals continue to identify themselves as its inferior citizen members, submission will be internally and externally normalized.

If the neatly faced aisles of grocery stores aren’t enough to make one question their role in adding bricks to the ever-expanding walls of this prison, how will best-seller-of-insurrection groups like The Invisible Committee appear any different? Anarchy as an anti-social, individualist way of life simply can’t be preached to “the masses” without being watered- down and losing its hostility to civilized order. Under capitalism, anarchism as a social movement has become collectivized into a hobby activity that co- exists with wage-slavery. New faces enter and quickly begin the work of organizing, only to burn out and retire down the line in a new era of presidency. Like a new warden, a new president takes over and dominates.

As winter nears I reflect on my past summer of fun activity. I realize for each season there is a variety of different opportunities for more. I realize that no matter where I travel and where I settle down for a bit, capitalism is all around me. There are many prisons to break out of and many ruptures to enjoy during this rewilding.

This short essay is intended to be a blueprint for hedonism. If I am lucky enough, it will encourage people to commit crime, train hop, dumpster dive, shoplift and feel good about themselves for doing it. If the time that some individuals take creating their freedom somehow inspires other individuals in the creation of their own, who needs movements and academic vanguards? Inspired by the adventures of other nomadic rebels who escaped this societal prison, I refused to remain an inmate. I prefer feral adventure - good times and bad times - over wage-slaving away in the preservation of industrial society.

Love and support to those who dropped out of school and faced life with nothing more than a lock-pick set and a backpack. Love and support to those who riot within the prisons of asylums and “correctional” facilities. Love and support to those who weaponized their lives, taking rebellion to their graves in choosing death over imprisonment. A howl to the lifestylist ex-workers who found fierce joy in the materialized anarchy of their wildest dreams.