#i hate this fucking town. my dog is dying and i spent the last years of her life stuck in this miserable place instead of being with her

[rusted-blue]

.

[thatawkwardmoth]

Dick Grayson is "The Last Great American Dynasty" coded.

No batcest, y’all are gross if you take it that way.

The song opens with Rebekah moving to a new place to "take her mind off St. Louis". Dick Grayson moved to Gotham from the circus after his parents died.

The song then goes on to talk about Bill and how he was the heir to big money and everyone doubting Rebekah and wondering how she did it. Dick Grayson was adopted by Bruce Wayne, literally Gotham's richest man, and everyone in the socialite circle probably made comments about a poor circus brat getting adopted and finally knowing what the finer life is like, even if he'll never truly be Bruce's son.

And then the song goes on to describes parties and the wedding, everyone judging it. And then Bill dies, his heart giving out. Which they blamed on Rebekah. Now Dick Grayson probably heard all about Dick ruining Bruce's playboy image and the way he couldn't be ditzy and dumb anymore because he had a child.

Skipping the chorus until the end, going to the second verse. Rebekah gives up on caring about the opinions and has all her friends fly out to enjoy life and the money left behind. Dick Grayson ran off with the Titans, had the time of his life with friends he could trust, not caring about the money or Bruce or anything back home in Gotham.

Third verse, the bridge (oh my god it's so fucking good), goes on to describe the things Rebekah did near the end that showed how much she didn't care about what people thought about her, fighting back against it by dying her neighbors dog key lime green. Dick Grayson gave zero shits about what Gotham thought about him, going to Bludhaven and teaching gymnastics, becoming a cop, random jobs that he loved instead of worrying about money like Bruce's "social circle" thought he needed to. He spent years worried about living up to Bruce's social standards and then said fuck it. He was going to enjoy his friendships and life.

Chorus time: "And they said there goes the last great American dynasty. Who knows, if she never showed up, what could've been. There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen. She had a marvelous time ruining everything."

Dick had no interest in the company or the money. He ruined the Wayne dynasty because at that point he was Bruce's only kid, his only heir to the fortune. If he never showed up, Bruce could've had a wife someday, settled down and had a bio kid he could've raised to take over the company and uphold the Wayne name.

Dick ruined everything and had a marvelous time with his new family. He didn't care about any of their words.

(And the last verse, part of the bridge, when she writes about her buying Rebekah's house and basically living the same things Rebekah did. That's Jason Todd, street rat from the scum of Gotham, under the same hate and opinions Dick was under.)

(None of this is supposed to be Bruce weighing in on on opinions. It's all the upper class of Gotham turning their noses up at Dick because he wasn't born and raised like they were.)

(Bro I feel like I'm reaching but that I also know that this is his song in some capacity. I think I didn't explain it correctly. I don't know.)

[annakie]

Patchy

A little under two years ago I made this post, a chronicle of Patchy, the outside feral, turned inside kitty who took ten years to learn to love being petted.

Today we got some bad news.

TW for pet illness under the cut.

Patchy’s always been a bit of a puker, usually oh, say, once a month or so she’d have a good puke for no reason.  I’ve had other cats that are pukers so it’s not that surprising.

In the late winter/early spring I started to notice more frequent pukes.

I’d decided around that time that I needed to find healthier food for my cats, with Leela, the oldest turning 16, Fry turning 11, Pemily turning 7 and Patchy turning, I don’t know, 12 or 13.  No way to really know.  They already got decent food, but I did my research and had started looking at Blue Buffalo, American Journey and Dave’s canned food. 

Patchy had been on a mostly canned food diet since she went to the vet back in early 2020 and had a bunch of teeth pulled.  Also, as a note, Patchy’s brief flirtation with hanging out in the rest of the house ended after like a month.  She and Fry fought too much, and eventually he claimed the rest of the house is his.  He also still thinks the master bedroom should be his, but, Patchy defends that territory well if anyone else encroaches. (The door just stays closed most of the time.)  I really wish they could have all gotten along, I loved having Patchy out, but both Fry and Patchy agreed it wasn’t going to work.

The food she’d been on was pretty junk-food-ish though, which she did love and eat. But I wanted everyone on more or less the same diet and the highest quality food I could readily get them.  So I bought a lot of cans of different kinds of food, and kept a list of which ones seemed to be hits and misses. (I still have a dozen cans of the kind nobody liked -- Blue Buffalo Wilderness Salmon -- I’ve been meaning to take to the city shelter).

Around halfway into this experiment I noticed Patchy puking more, so I decided to try to stick with her favorite kinds, which, I thought was helping.

But once I was fully vaccinated this year, it was time to get all the pets to the vet.  I noticed Patchy had still lost some weight, I thought it was due to switching around her food too much earlier, and tried to stick with the things I felt she really liked.

Then, of course, Leela got sick, spent two and a half days in the pet ER and almost died back in April, and then it was like... yeah we’re done being afraid of COVID, we’re done waiting.  It’s time to get them all their checkups.

My regular vet was doing COVID restrictions so no pet owners inside the clinic back then, so they took Patchy (and the others) in without me.  I thought Patchy had lost some weight, but Dr. B. sounded alarmed when he called me with how much lost she’d lost in the last year, about five pounds.  He wanted to do some bloodwork for Patchy, and I said of course go for it.  

He called back, sounding much calmer and was like “her bloodwork couldn’t be more perfect.  Let’s try switching up her food, get her on some sensitive stomach food and let’s see how she’s doing in a couple weeks.”

So two weeks later it did seem like she was doing better, I called Dr. B back and he said to bring her back in a month.

It was my plan to take her back next week when I had some PTO coming.  I admit, later than planned... my last couple of months have been mucn more focused on Leela... who, thankfully, continues to thrive.  But feeling like my time with her is running out, she’s been my main area of concern.

The last few days though, Patchy has really not been eating well.  Sometimes she does OK, sometimes nothing at all.  And then puking every day.  I swapped her back even to a few cans of the Junk Food (Whiskas) I still had laying around.  She’d eat it... and then puke it up.  And also she... stopped sleeping with me.  I thought... well, it’s summer.  It’s probably too hot to cuddle.  But she stopped laying on the bed.  She stopped coming up for pets when I come to bed and hang out for awhile specifically to spend time with her and pet her.  She runs under the bed again when I come into the room.  It’s like we regressed to three or four years ago... just two weeks after our two year anniversary of getting to pet her.

So this afternoon we went to the vet.  Getting her into the carrier sucked.  I tried nice methods, then I had to scare her into the closet by running the vacuum, and then pretty roughly grab her.  I have scratches and a pretty deep bite on my thumb which either maybe hit a nerve or is infected, may have to go to the doctor for it tomorrow. (Yes, washed it thoroughly with soap as soon as I could.)  I also hated betraying her trust that badly, but it’s for her own good.  But it was rough.

Dr B. wasn’t working so I saw one of the other vets.  I liked him. Also COVID restrictions are gone so I got to go inside. But after talking to him for a few minutes, going over her history and what changes I’ve made, he spent a long time rubbing her intestines (Patchy was perfectly behaved, at least.)   Then he looked concerned.  Then he said let’s do an ultrasound.

A few minutes he came back in and showed me her scans. 

Lymphoma.

I was a bit stunned for a second so I missed a bit of the technical speak he said next, but it came down to the best thing we could do is give her some medicine that may buy her more time.  It doesn’t sound like Chemo or Operating is even really an option.  I’m going to call back tomorrow and see if Dr. B or the vet I talked to can talk me through it a little better now that I’ve had a chance to digest.

If I can get Patchy to take the medicine, and if she responds well to it... she may have 3 - 6 months left.

If she won’t take it, or if she doesn’t respond, it’s at this point, a matter of her comfort and quality of life.  So... weeks.  And I’m worried about getting her to take the medicine, especially since she won’t even come let me pet her and we just had a huge trust betrayal today. I don’t know if I could take her spending her last few weeks hating me, especially if the medicine doesn’t work.

The vet also told me that... I didn’t do anything wrong.  And we did the right thing six or so weeks ago by changing her food and seeing if a few other things worked. Especially with how good her blookwork looked.  He barely felt the cancer today, he said six weeks ago Dr. B wouldn’t have been able to feel it at all.  And for this particular type of lymphoma... there’s not a lot to be done, anyway.  That made me feel better, at least.

(As a really dumb side note, after I got her home, I sat down to eat dinner and watch an episode of Star Trek to take my mind off of all of this since I’d been crying since I found out, paid my bill, and drove home, stopping at a drive through so I didn’t have the mental load of cooking.  And I’m in the middle of my rewatch of Enterprise.  I bet any trekkies reading this can guess what episode was next in my rewatch because yep I’m in season two and A NIGHT IN SICKBAY started playing, of course, so obviously I NOPED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT EPISODE.  For the non-Trekkies.... the Captain has a dog on board, an adorable beagle, Porthos.  The dog gets sick and almost dies and spends his night in Sickbay.  He does pull through.  But the ONE episode centered around a beloved pet getting sick and almost dying... and that’s the episode that fate decreed I was supposed to watch tonight. I did not.  I don’t know if I can watch it anytime soon.)

So now for the next few weeks I will spend my time being grateful that Leela is alive and thriving and pray she keeps doing so -- I will continue to give her extra love and care and attention, and also I will need to do the same for Patchy.  I can’t even do it at the same time because Patchy will not come out here, and will not allow Leela in her room. 

I am low-key freaking out that there’s the possibility of the nightmare scenario happening to me again.  In winter 2016, after months of being sick, I woke up on Christmas morning and my 16-year-old cat Jim had died overnight.  It was terrible, and traumatic, and I had to deal with everything all alone because anyone who could support me was... well, it was Christmas morning and my family was all out of town, too.  Posting about it on Tumblr... actually really helped me, since it’s the only place I felt like I could talk about it.

That Christmas was on a Sunday.

Wednesday morning I woke up to hearing my dog, Cebu, moaning in pain.   I rushed him to the vet, but whatever happened overnight, it was too late, maybe there wasn’t anything we ever could have done even if I’d been awake when the puking started.  The vet said the kindest thing we could do was put him to sleep.  And we did.

Also I just, JUST now realized that the vet who helped put Cebu to sleep was the same vet who I saw today about Patchy.

But I lost two of my pets within 3 days of each other.  I was very lucky that my job let us have the week between Christmas and New Years off that year.  I had a few days to pull myself together, and I needed it.  It took months to recover totally, though.  Every once in awhile I think about that week and I still cry, though.  I miss them both so much and they both had deaths that were less than ideal.

I remember thinking then “I have like, five years of reprive.  Leela will be sixteen in five years, and that’s when I have to start to worry again, when I have to be ready to say goodbye again.”

I thought then that even after that I’d have two or three years until Patchy would leave me, and two or three years past that until Fry.  And then five more years with Pemily.

Right now I’m realizing that I will likely lose Patchy, very best case in six months, but possibly before July is over.

I need Leela to keep thriving.  I don’t know how I would handle losing another two so close together again.

Patchy is... she’s the one who chose me.  I chose my other cats.  Fry and Pemily I plucked from the backyard when they were tiny kittens and brought them inside.  They didn’t have a choice.  Leela I adopted from a rescue, she didn’t have a choice.  Patchy chose to stay.  She chose to stick around when she realized I’d feed her.  It took years but she learned to trust, she chose to come inside when it was cold, when it was hot, when it was storming, and when she was pregnant.  She chose me to help raise the last litter of kittens she’d ever had.  (My entire Rescue Kitties tag is full of adventures in finding, raising and usually adopting out strays. Lots and lots of posts about Patchy and her final litter.  Been awhile since I’ve done it, though.)

I used to joke that Patchy was my roommate, not a pet.  She ate, drank, did her business, and kept to herself for a long time.  Don’t get me wrong, she was a very good, quiet, considerate roommate and I loved her.  But it wasn’t until that wonderful day she let me pet her that I felt like she was my pet. 

I loved having her just hanging out living in the house since 2014, but the last two years especially have brought me such joy.  I’ve tried to never take Patchy’s trust in me for granted.  It was EARNED.  Every small step forward was a milestone to be celebrated. I worked for every bit of trust and love Patchy has given me, and have been rewarded.  And it was worth it.  Every minute.  Every long, patient year.

Even now I’m telling myself... without me, she would have died years ago.  Probably violently, or starved, maybe frozen to death.  Getting to die of cancer brought on by older age is not something that most feral cats ever get to do.  Getting to become an inside kitty where she’s loved, and comfortable for the second half of her life was something remarkable, brought on by her wiles and will to survive for so many years, bolstered by the food I left out for her.  She’s had this much time, this much life, this much comfort and love that she would have never had otherwise, and that’s something to be happy about.

I’ve watched dozens of ferals come and go through my neighborhood throughout the years.  I feed them, I work on seeing if I can get them to trust me enough to let me TNR them, but even those that I have, I don’t keep seeing for much longer.  There’s one right now, I jokingly call him Patchy’s Boyfriend.  He still won’t trust me and never has fallen for the trap when I’ve tried.  But he’s there most nights when I feed him around 11.  He’s getting terribly thin despite the quality food I leave out.  I’ll miss him.

But none of them were Patchy.  None of them became what she is to me. None of them survived long enough to adapt and decide to live another life.

Also?  I wouldn’t have Pemily without her.  Pemily is literally Patchy’s Granddaughter and that is one more thing I love Patchy for.

I feel guilty sometimes, both because I don’t spend nearly enough waking hours with her I feel, but I have three others who need me, as well. One who’s time is growing short, as well.  And they don’t get to sleep with me, she does.  What a joy it was all winter when I would wake up and she’d be sleeping on my chest.  I’d get a bit annoyed when she’d sleep with her backside to my face and her tail would tickle my face and wake me up.  I’m a side-sleeper half the night and she hated that it was harder to get comfortable on me that way.  She still doesn’t want to have my hand just stay on her, she wants pets and skirtches, no long-form touching.  That’s ok.  I sleep better with her weight on me.

I don’t know what the next few weeks or months will hold, but at least pet-wise, it’s going to be rough.  I’m going to wrap this up and give these three out here a good pet, then go hope Patchy comes and asks for love, too.  Tomorrow is one more day with all four of them, and for that, I’ll be grateful, for every remaining day.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #385

“I am a human being, capable of doing terrible things”

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) Uhhhh. I don't know. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What’s your favorite movie series? I think Shrek when you consider all the movies' (well, I haven't seen the last one, but...) quality. No memeage here, I just genuinely love Shrek, haha. I would say The Lion King, but miraculously when you consider the focus on meerkats, I actually don't like 1 1/2 much. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? Hm... I think I got purple highlights? Do you want to move anytime soon? Even though we haven't even lived here a year, yes. I don't like living in an urban area, and I also reeeeaaaally don't like our family friend being our landlord. I know that sounds very weird, but she's just a very controlling person who forcefully inserts herself into my family's lives now more than ever, and I have a pretty deep fear that a potential argument finally erupting will lead to us being kicked out. I genuinely don't think Tobey would ever do that, but the fear is still there. How good/bad was the quality of education you received in high school? Average, I guess? What was the most interesting year of your life, and why? "Interesting," maybe... 2017 or 2018? I learned a lot about myself in that time range. But at the same time, my life was (and still is) VERY uneventful. Just a lot of mental stuff went on. What was the first social media site you ever used? Myspace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? REALLY regret? No. I wish I'd never dated Tyler, but it's not a massive regret or anything. He was still a cool guy that I have a few nice memories with. Have you ever lied on a resume? Or even in a job interview? Ha, I'd definitely stretch the truth about being more of a people-person than I am. I couldn't go too far with lying, though; I'm just not comfortable doing that, 'cuz like, they're gonna find out eventually that it's not true. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Maybe my friend Summer. Her room has always been super cool. What brought about the end of the worst relationship you’ve been in? Apparently, not talking to him every second of every day two weeks into a relationship was a no-no. Where was the last place you spent the night other than your own home? The sleep study building or whatever it's considered in the medical plaza. Do you have any step- or half-siblings? I have both. What do people always seem to think is weird about you? The fact I don't watch TV. Do you ever braid your hair? It's way too short for that. Even when it was long, I didn't do it frequently at all. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? Roman, in particular. What was the last thing you gave up on? uhhhhhhhhhhh If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? I don't. What’s the last DIY project you did, if any? If you can’t remember, what’s something you’d be interested in doing? I'm not really into DIY stuff, honestly. I'd rather just buy products that were made better than I could, or commission someone who can. What's a song that makes you feel happy? I dunno. It's rare a song alone makes me happy. What is your favorite clothing store? Rebel's Market. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube, back when it was a more social platform. What is something you do well? Catastrophize any situation. Assume the worst of everything. What's a good idea you've had recently? Probably to re-engage with a calorie-counting app I used to use. I'm back to trying to use it consistently. Do you like to wear high heels? Does ANY person LIKE to? How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? Two or three depending on my appetite and the size of the pizza. Do you play any instruments? Not anymore. Do you always smile for pictures? Not always. What are you most excited about right now? To see the results of my TMS therapy. What's the last song you listened to? "Ex’s and Oh’s” by Elle King. What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching an Erosium livestream rn. Newest channel binge, haha. Do you know anyone who's died in childbirth? No. Would you ever consider moving to another country for your career? No. I don't want to leave my family. Do you wear foundation? No, I hate the feeling of that crap. Do you know anyone who has run for public office? No. Do you have a cartilage piercing? I used to, but the hole closed when I had to take it out for the hospital. :/ I plan on getting it repierced. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room or urgent care? If so, why? Yes; for being suicidal, a suicide attempt, and when I had a horribly infected cyst and just existing made me want to sob with pain. Have you ever had to visit anyone in the hospital? Yeah, a few times. What is the most pain (physical, mental, emotional) you've ever felt? Physical: having the aforementioned cyst drained when I was not nearly numbed enough. Mental and emotional (what's really the difference?): my breakup with my first real boyfriend. What is the longest time you've spent crying? Oh, hours on end, fluctuating with intensity. Have you ever been stolen from? Yes. Have you ever been to a ghost town? No, but I would FUCKING LOVE to. Let me bring my camera and it's a field day. Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? Not in this current house. Have you ever been inside of a vacant house? No. Have you ever been attacked by a dog? No. What is the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? The massive cyst my late dog Teddy developed on his lower belly. That fucking thing hung on by a THREAD and was absolutely nauseating to look at. How old were you when you learned how to read? I don't recall, I just know it was earlier than most children. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Cats. Which book series was the first you read? I want to say Hank the Cowdog. I was hooked on it. Would you rather write a book or direct a movie? Haha, what a question, as I've considered both of these as potential careers. I think write a book. What dream that you’ve had has stuck in your head the most? Describe: A nightmare about my dad that I'm not going into. What emotion do you find yourself trying to hide from others? I'm very uncomfortable revealing jealousy or envy. How emotional/sentimental would you say you are? Extremely. What is the most fun game to play? Shadow of the Colossus, probably. What is your sense of humor like (dry, dark, sarcastic, etc.)? I don't know, maybe dry. How many languages can you say "hello my name is…" in? Two. What language do you think sounds the nicest? I don't know, it's not like I've heard every language be spoken. What language do you want to learn more of? German. Do you have any form of OCD? I'm diagnosed with OCD. Do you make promises often? No. I take promises VERY seriously and am not about to make one unless I'm certain I can keep it. What is it that you are responsible for? My pets, keeping my room clean, stuff like that. Do you have a lot of secrets? Not "a lot," no. Are you more likely to be verbally aggressive or physically? Verbally. I'm only physically aggressive in my nightmares. What warning has someone given you that you wish you’d have listened to? Hm. What warning has someone given you you are glad you didn’t take? I also don't know. What is your favourite video of on YouTube? I can't pick just one. Name one creature that freaks you out/scares you? Maggots. Just the word makes me squirm. What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? My signature. Have you ever watched Breaking Bad? No. Are your fingernails always painted? They never are. What color is your bed frame? A rich brown. Did any of your neighbors come over to welcome you when you moved into your current house? No. What's something you didn't realize how bad it was until it happened to you? Heartbreak. Do you like Taylor Swift's singing voice? No. It's squeaky and annoying to me. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Why the fuck would it bother me? Let people be in touch with their emotions. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Ummm I want to say Starbuck's w/ Mom after my TMS appointment. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural "things?" No. Does your house have any unoccupied bedrooms? Yes. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and she personally suspects something's up with Dad, but idk. He's never seen a doctor about that kinda stuff. What fun things are there to do where you live? Ha! Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? I know many like that. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? My parents owned it. Can you see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't paid attention at this house. I'm certain it'd be harder now living in an urban area, though. What job do you know you'd be terrible at? Like, everything? I'd probably be worst at promoting stuff to people and trying to push them into buying something. No being a salesperson for me. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Who doesn't? And now, for the greatest question of all time! Toilet paper- should it go over or under? I literally couldn't care less about this. Fun fact though to "end" the argument, the original concept art of the idea (the word for that is evading me...) has it designed to go over. Are you afraid of mice? Not at all, they're adorable. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I don't have a specific "type" of thing I get, really. It depends. Do you vacation often? Not at all. Are you comfortable wearing your pajamas in public places? It depends on the place, really. Generally, I really don't care, so long as I put a bra on. What’s your favorite candy bar? That one that's a bunch of Reese's squares composed into a rectangle. It. Is so. Fucking. Good. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't like musicals. Do you own a helmet of any sorts? No. Does your family generally decorate for most holidays? Just for Christmas, really. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I'm not a soup person. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? I saw one or two episodes with Sara. If so, what do you think is the scariest creature yet? N/A Do you read tour guide type books before you visit places? No.

[warfear]

WHAT’S GOOD, PARTY PEOPLE ?     the name’s mads :    twenty - four summers young, in love with cj from dawn of the dead (2004), mortal enemies with amc’s the walking dead and so very excited to be here. thus, without further ado, below the cut you’ll find the basics—the general gist—about my horrible, poorly written bastard children. 

trigger warnings for : cancer, death, kidnapping, abuse and assault !!

APOLSKIS, JULIAN      —      twenty-four, comic store clerk.

BASICS :     born in seattle, julian moved to fort elms when he was a whooping eleven years old. why, you don’t ask. well, because he got diagnosed with a gnarly case osteosarcoma and his father took ONE LOOK at that hospital bill and vanished into thin air, that’s why ! so, mommy dearest took her kids and skipped town as well. for less horrible reasons, of course. since then, his cancer has came and went and came back again. until finally it went for the last time, taking his leg with it as it did. he’s cancer free now ! three years and counting. we do love that for him … depressing facts aside, he’s in a punk rock band because we gotta Stick It To The Man. they suck but he’s decent on the drums and that’s all that matters. him. yeah, he’s a bit of a prick. a lovable prick. loves to play the devil’s advocate and hates talking about his feelings because ~ romantic trauma ~. but other than that, a decent guy, alright ! put some respect to his name. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS … 

ex - girlfriend :     bringer of trauma … she was his second ever girlfriend and their relationship was good, okay ! lasted almost two years. and then, without warning, she dumped him, THROUGH A NOTE. left without a word and that was that. a big bitch move, i’d say. 

mother :     the best mom there is ! worked three jobs to support her family after the deadbeat left, and is overall the best person juli knows and will ever know. she’s a second generation polish immigrant and very insistent on julian retaining his jewish heritage. pops was christian, so … gross. 

father :     not much to say about this bastard except he hasn’t spoken to his own children in thirteen years. not as much as a birthday card ! who knows where he is now. we’d like for him to be dead in a ditch but odds are he has a new family. i’d love for julian to knock him out, please hit me up for that. 

hospital buddies :     like i said, he spent most of his childhood in a hospital. so he must’ve made at least one friend there. they can be a teenager, they can be a senior citizen — as long as their friendship was thrust onto julian by sheer proximity and boredom. he’s obviously well now but i’d like for him to have a sliver of his past life close. 

DIMEO, BRANDON      —      thirty-five, mall cop.

BASICS :     very italian. a walking italian stereotype, really. his family is huge and he’s close with them all. too close. i’m talking yearly hunting trips, weekly family dinners, and a mother who still does his laundry. which means, yes, he’s a momma’s boy. a bit of a scrub, if you will. flopped out of the police academy in his early twenties, as he’d almost done high school, and settled for acting cop at the local mall. he’s a bit of a dumbass, and by a bit i mean a lot. unintelligent to the point where he can’t do basic math. emotionally unintelligent to the point where he can’t have a long - term relationship. we do love that. also a big fan of the charlie’s angels television series, AS HE SHOULD BE. he’d be an angel of charlie’s if he could be …

WANTED CONNECTIONS …

ex - girlfriend :     i’m talking first and only. probably didn’t get together until his mid - late twenties, and didn’t last that long either. probably had issues with his weird relationship with his mother, probably didn’t appreciate that he couldn’t clean his own house, probably wanted a man and not a little boy. she definitely dumped him. oh, well.

family :     he has A LOT. two parents ( i was gonna say obvi but is it obvi, i don’t think so. check yourself @ me ) and three brothers … but he’s the baby of the family, physically and mentally. i feel for his mother. i’d love for him to have a kid cousin, though. like one girl ( except his mommy ) he treats well. it’d be cute, shut up.

friends with benefits :     pretty self - explanatory. no strings attached, no commitment, no expectations … it’s all poor donnie here can muster in life. so do give it to him, please and thank. 

broskis :     he needs friends ! who aren’t other mall cops ( sorry egg take it up with HR ) … maybe dudes he’s known since high school, his OG home - boys. either to enable his antics or to call him out on his shit. i’ll take anything for brodawg over here. 

KINNEY, SAWYER      —      twenty-two, vet student.

BASICS :     god’s favorite. just kidding … i don’t think her love for him is much reciprocated. first dropped off as an infant @ the local church’s doorstep, then adopted. all is well ! no, her adoptive parents die in a car crash thirteen years later. she was there, too. sole survivor … even her baby brother passing away in the accident. shit’s tough, my dudes. she still has her older siblings, but who cares about them. was diagnosed with epilepsy shortly after ( she hates it, thanks ) and now lives with a disorder to remind her even more of the event. BIG YIKE LET’S MOVE ON … she’s a ray of sunshine ! loves animals and soccer to death. a social butterfly with no concept of personal space. insistent on not minding her business, plagued by a constant need to be liked by EVERYONE. book smart, emotionally intelligent … yet a whole dumbass. we love to see it.

WANTED CONNECTIONS …

cousins :     fun tidbit, after her parent’s death she moved in with her uncle and his children. so, give me those very children ! her siblings are both older than herself and i’m dying for some same - aged partners in crime here. who played soccer with her after school ? who tried beer with her for the very first time ? i am WAITING.

soccer pals :     captain of the local girl’s soccer team, since seventeen baby, sawyer’s in dire need of her soccer pals. y’all ever see the netflix original girls with balls ? yeah, me neither, but that could still be them versus the zombies. they’re all so close and athletic i NEED them to team up against the undead.

toxic church friends :     i’m not calling christianity toxic … i’m calling white church going pinterest loving bitches toxic. i just think it’d be neat for her to have people from that part of her life really pushing this ~ religious agenda ~ onto her further. you know, shaming everything that she does. WHY NOT ! can’t think of a single reason why not, actually.

someone to get under :     look … last year she got DUMPED by her boyfriend. it was rude as hell ! you don’t need to know his reason, okay … she did no wrong, mind your business … either way, give me SOMEONE ELSE for her to focus on so she can finally get over that skinny motherfucker. it doesn’t have to be reciprocated AT ALL, homies. she can thirst from afar … as long as her attention is redirected from ex - boyfriend to wow - possible - boyfriend. ja feel me ? cool.

OSWALT, KEVIN      —      twenty-one, waitress.

BASICS :     born in fort elms as rowan blake, this teensy bitch had a good life going. two parents, three older siblings, one cool ass dog… you get the gist. but all things must come to an end, no ? so, when rowan here was five years old, she was approached by a teenage girl by the name ryan, and booboo the fool as she was, rowan followed this older, much cooler girl right into a stranger’s car… and then rowan was no more ! she spent the next year thirteen years of her life as kevin oswalt, living with her new sister and new mother — creepily nicknamed mama. to say her life with the oswalt’s was good would be… well, it’d be a lie. because kevin wasn’t the first kid they ‘napped, and neither was she the last. lets just say that house was a shit - fest and we should be glad she managed to run away at the tender age of seventeen. by sheer luck, she wound up back in fort elms and by even more luck, she managed to get an education and graduate. unrealistic ? take it up with 2016 me. other than that super fun backstory, kevin’s baby. she likes books  ( always has, though it was her only form of entertainment for a good chunk of her life there )  and she likes french fries. she’s still discovering the world around her, even if she has been out and about for about four - ish years now. so if she’s a BIT NAIVE, then excuse her…

WANTED CONNECTIONS …

ex - boyfriend :     not to go into too many details but kev’s introduction to the dating scene was less than ideal… barely legal and kept under wraps for A YEAR. it sucked, okay. not a good first experience, IN MY OPINION. kevin has another but she’s stupid. EITHER WAY, that left her kinda fucked - up when it comes to relationships. so, when she started dating her other ex circa summer 2017, she was pretty not - that - into - him. sorry we can’t all be over our 30 year old boyfriends… she never even said those three little words and them bitches dated for a year. TRAGIQUE.

brother :     tragically, throughout the years, kevin’s brother is the single family member not picked up and that’s just… fucked, if you ask me. either way — his name is marcus blake but you can change his first to whatever ! he’s the sibling she was closest to as a wee bairn, alright. and i need him here… even if he wouldn’t know her as his sister anymore, but seeing as kev has managed to weasel her way into the blake family through mother and sisters REGARDLESS if anybody remembers or not, i’d say they’d cross paths anyway. oh, and he’s in a band… which isn’t to say juli’s, i mean it could be, but that’s not what i’m saying… anyways, that’s all.

bad influence :     kevin’s too nice. and i don’t like it. so, please, pretty please, give me a plot of pure mayhem. somebody less outwardly chaotic than pippa but more scheming, and maybe capable of convincing kevin to grow a spine. think penelope and josie in legacies… but not gay. i mean, it COULD be gay. i’m not saying it HAS to be gay… mind your business.

victim by proxy :     okay, hear me out… the oswalts are crazy people, and although kevin would like to be excluded from that narrative, she simply cannot. so, consider giving me somebody with some sort of connection to the kiddos missing  ( alternatively : to the man she shanked… girls, ya gotta read her bio, i’m not exposing her further :see_no_evil: )  so kevin’s guilt can just SKYROCKET. that’s fun, right ? make friends with some poor bitch who’s little bro went missing, knowing full well what happened… sickening, kev, get help.

ROSILIO, ODETTE      —      thirty-five, florist.

BASICS :     flaky defined. dropped out of high school, dropped out of california, dropped out of her own wedding … i mean, the list goes on. originally from mexicali, mexico odette moved to chino, california at the ripe age of five. her mother then proceeded to lose custody six years later. * that one vine vc * WAY TO GO, PAUL ! in and out of foster care since, eventually choosing to stay out for the remainder of her teens. until she got herself knocked up ( not by choice but ait ) and was forced to move back in with mommy … but hey, it all turned out fine in the end ! and when her daughter was four years old, she dipped forever. she’s since been living all over the states, only moving to fort elms five - ish years ago. and has indeed stayed put since. even if she did manage to pull a runaway bride. a bit of a bitch move, but at least she’s consistent. ish. because she’s not a bitch, okay, she’s simply … out of fucks to offer the world. can i get an amen. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS …

ex - fiancé :     like i said … left at the altar, that’s gotta knock you down a peg. or two. but she didn’t mean to stomp on his balls like that. in fact, they were very much in love at one point. dated for about two years until marriage was brought up and well, cold feet took over. and there’s no coming back from being a no show at your own wedding, is there. so that was that. marriage over before it even started. they didn’t get much of closure but that’s life for you.

mother :     a horrible mother, plain and simple. she was in and out of jail when odette was in her custody, mostly due to drug related charges which was … not cute, girlie was like eight years old. though who knows, maybe she’s cleaned up her act, and maybe she’s ready to get back in her daughter’s life. or maybe she’s just looking for money … either way, get miss marisa to washington !

employees :     i want … snotty teens, or early twenties bitches that she’ll have to manage. she’s had it with her own daughter, why not add more children for her to boss around. that, or somebody at work who she doesn’t wanna clock. an ally amongst the flowers. 

chino friends :     odette did indeed spend her early to mid teens on the streets and she must’ve made some friends along the way except for kai ( here’s your one mention of the simp @ salem ) … either some bad influences or some good ones. y’all ever seen the movie thirteen ? exactly like that. give me some blasts from the past to bring out the old odette.

[sourwolfstories]

Hi! I know you're probably slammed with requests but i was wondering if you could rec some long fics without smut or skipable unimportant smut scenes? I'm sex repulsed and it's surprising difficult to find fics that don't make me uncomfortable

Okay so these are all at least 20 or 30 thousand words long each and are all either rated general audience or teen and up and I made sure to go through all of them so they shouldn’t have any smut or sex but if I did miss anything please let me know. Hope you enjoy!

Ghosts In The Suburbs by KaytiKazoo

Stiles gets cursed by a witch and can see dead people.

Here’s to the Static by matildajones

Stiles spends most of his college break in a coffee house where he stares after Derek Hale. For some reason, Stiles is unaware of the fact he’s quite the musician, and Derek amuses himself at Stiles’ obliviousness.

Cupboard Love by mklutz

He’s carefully balancing the sandwiches and the two biggest tupperware containers he could find that both had functioning lids when the front door opens and he almost drops everything right there in front of the stupid fountain.

If that’s Derek Hale, he’s definitely not a mountain man.

Strangers Like Me by Alphaboner

“Stay back! Don’t come..don’t come any closer! Please don’t! Wh..what are you doing?” he let out a little laugh when Derek started to play with his toes “Ah-haha, no, please, don’t, that tickles!” Derek’s hand traveled from Stiles’ toes to his leg “No, get off, get off!” …to his belt “GET OFF!” he kicked Derek in the face, leaving him confused and aching, looking at Stiles with a scowl.

Get Back Up by Hepzheba

After taking the blame for his so-called friend Jackson and his stupid pot, Stiles is forced to work for the Hales at their horse ranch the summer before his last year in high school. At first he absolutely hates it but he comes to realize that there is actually is something fun about this ranch thing and that horses are more likable and complicated than he’d previously thought. He also comes to realize that it’s not only the horses that are interesting; there’s also Derek Hale.

Scowl and Sarcasm by dr_girlfriend

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single alpha in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a mate.

Whether or not Derek Hale felt that way was hardly a concern to the neighborhood — the very fact of his arrival was enough that the surrounding families seemed to consider him the rightful property of one or another of their eligible sons and daughters. That was, of course, before they met the man.

Only You, Sterek by im2old4thisotp

Derek gets the name of his soulmate off a Ouija board when he is ten. He’s obsessed with finding them, but then his life irrevocably changes. He erases the name from his life and determines to live free of those stupid words, “fate” and “destiny”.

But on the eve of his wedding, he gets a phone call that will change the course of his life forever, and show him that maybe destiny does have a hold on him, after all.

Or, the Sterek rewrite of the movie “Only You” that you never knew you wanted.

sorry about the elbows, sorry we lived here. by dreamer_of_dreams

“You’re doing it again, Derek. You’re running away. I know, alright? I’ve always known… You looked at him the way I wished you’d look at me. You came close some days, when you’re folding my tank tops and we’re talking about small, insignificant things. And I thought that was enough for a while. But it was plain to see, you were sitting around, waiting for him to call you home. He never did and you just carried on.”

“I wasn’t really waiting for him to call. I knew he wouldn’t. I don’t know how you got that impression.”

“Hmmm…Maybe because when we both thought you were dying, I leant over and kissed you… and you whispered his name.”

Just the Same by ericaismeg

Something is seriously up with the captain of the lacrosse team. There’s just no way Derek Hale is human.***“I was wondering if you’re even human. You move so quickly. I mean, it’s ridiculously fast. No human should be able to move that fast, y'know? It’s unfair for us. I mean, it’s obvious you work out, and I don’t, so that could be why, but like…I was just wondering if you were human, that’s all.”

“Stop talking, Stilinski, or I'll—”

“Put me on the bench all season?” Stiles asks knowing full well that Derek Hale can’t threaten him with shit.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Halevetica

What if all the crushes you ever had found out how you felt about them… all at once?

Stiles Stilinski keeps his love letters in a box his mother gave him. They aren’t love letters that anyone else wrote for him; these are ones he’s written. One for every boy he’s ever loved-five in all. When he writes, he pours out his heart and soul and says all the things he would never say in real life, because his letters are for his eyes only. Until the day his secret letters are mailed, and suddenly, Stiles’ love life goes from imaginary to out of control.

If I Followed You Home by tryslora

Stiles is living on his own in New York when he sees the unthinkable: one woman pushes another onto the tracks just before a subway comes. With Scott not moving in for several days, he is on his own with his grief and horror, and he decides to find closure by attending the dead woman’s funeral where he discovers that (1) the guy he’s been crushing on is the dead woman’s brother, and (2) her family somewhat adopts him, and (3) the woman who killed her might just want to kill him now. Life just got complicated.

Notes:

Wolf Pack: Beacon Original by Beerwolves, fearfrost1211

When his father landed the Deputy Chief of police position in Beacon Hills, Stiles moved to his new town gladly, embracing the chance of a fresh start. What he didn’t expect was to find himself hopelessly drawn to the gruff Vice President of the local motorcycle gang, the Wolf Pack.Derek Hale, resident bad boy of Beacon Hills, spent his time helping his sister lead the Wolf Pack and working on motorcycles at his family’s automotive garage. Then, one hot summer afternoon a bright-eyed boy walked into his life and turned his world upside down.

There’s No Escape for the Potato Man by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

“Who is this? Where’s Erica?”

“Wrong number, asshole!”

“Stop calling me an asshole,” the man on the other end snapped aggressively.

Stiles could understand. He’d be pretty aggressive too if he’d murdered someone and texted a wrong number to ask for help burying the body. This guy obviously failed How To Be a Serial Killer 101.

“What kind of idiot thinks I murdered someone?”

“The kind of idiot who got your text messages, you fucking dumbass!” he retorted hotly. “Maybe double check your contacts before sending a random stranger details on your nefarious plans to dispose of a freshly cut up body!”

“What?!” the guy on the other end demanded, crossed between horrendously confused and livid.

home isn’t a place by Spikedluv

Ithaca, New York is known as a sanctuary within the supernatural community, and Cornell University is where creatures such as Kitsune and Selkies can safely attend college. Though Stiles doesn’t think he’s anything special (despite having a ‘spark’, whatever that is), he attends on Satomi’s recommendation; he wants to learn everything he can about the supernatural world so he can return to Beacon Hills and help Scott.

The last person Stiles expects to run into at Cornell is Derek Hale. Derek is gruff and grumpy, but despite that Stiles is drawn to him. When someone begins murdering supernatural students Laura Hale takes Stiles under her wing. Between attending class, hanging out with Kira, adopting a dog, and keeping score for the baseball team, Stiles investigates the deaths to figure out who’s killing his fellow students before he ends up a victim himself.

Through it all, Stiles learns the real meaning of ‘home’.

SuperWing, Stucky and SlaDick, Oh My! by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

“Well,” Nightwing said with an awkward laugh, “this is embarrassing. You are definitely not the Superman I was expecting.”

“You mean I almost missed out on having Nightwing leap into my waiting arms?” Derek asked teasingly. He couldn’t help it, the guy was adorable, and while he wasn’t exactly light, he already knew it was all muscle. This guy definitely worked out.

Nightwing let out a loud, boisterous laugh that had people around them turn to look, but he just grinned down at Derek before speaking.

“In that case, didn’t mean to keep you waiting.” He waggled his eyebrows and Derek let out a small huff of a laugh. “I should probably, uh—get down.”

“Probably.”

Thanks for Thumper, But I Prefer Cheeseburgers by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

The wolf’s head whipped around so fast, Stiles felt like he was watching The Exorcist.

Stiles wondered if he could just stand still enough to make the wolf think he was a tree. A very bright red and jean-clad tree. He doubted it, but one could hope.

He knew it was a lost cause when the wolf turned fully, lips pulled back from its sharp teeth—so very sharp, good fucking Lord!—and began walking towards Stiles.

“I didn’t see anything!” Stiles shouted, both hands out in front of himself and sweat instantly breaking out across his skin. “I swear to you! I didn’t see anything! I didn’t see anything! I won’t tell anyone! I won’t! I’ll keep this to myself, until the day I die! I promise! I promise!”

An Unexpected Familiar by BabyWeWillRise

Homework over break sucks, right? Harris is at it again with making Stiles’ life horrible by giving him an essay over Christmas break and Stiles could not be anymore displeased.

Except…this stupid assignment leads him to something he didn’t think he was missing.

Or…

After his mother died when he was eight, Stiles (and his father) ran away from reality without looking back.

Now, ten years later, when the eighteen year old runs into a familiar face, he’s thrown back into a life he had completely forgotten about and is welcomed with open and loving arms.

To say he’s freaking out would be an understatement.

[artificialqueens]

Future Nostalgia, Chapter 1 (Group Fic) - Lazuli

Summary: This is an 80’s AU songfic based on the latest Dua Lipa album “Future Nostalgia”. In this chapter, Michelle is struggling to open her new club and Bianca gets fired from her job. Destiny joins the two sisters back together. 

A/N: Hieeeeeee! This is my first fic ever and I’m super happy to share it! English is not my first language, so I’m sorry if there are any spelling errors. I wanna thank @chaoticnachokitten for not only betaing, but also supporting my idea, u are the best! This one is not focused on any ships (just a little bit of Bitney), but the next chapters are going to focus on a different pairing each, based on the songs of Future Nostalgia. Also, I had to include Michelle in this ‘cause: Why not? I hope u all enjoy it and I’m always open to suggestions!!

Chapter One – FUTURE NOSTALGIA

“I know you’re dying trying to figure me out

My name’s on the tip of your tongue, keep running your mouth

You want the recipe, but can’t handle my sound

My sound, my sound

No matter what you do, I’m gonna get it without ya

I know you ain’t used to a female alpha”

1985. Michelle could almost smell the scent of the booze, hear the loud music and feel the heat from the bodies dancing on the crowded dance floor. The reason for all the extra hours working at the diner came true:She had just bought her own club. She could barely restrain herself with happiness feeling the tinkle of the keys between her fingers. After signing the contract with the previous owner, who had stared at her clothes with a hint of mockery, she finally had a place to call her own. A new home. She was not new to the feeling of home that New York’s night clubs offered her, and Michelle frequented them so much that she could leave a toothbrush at the restroom, if this wasn’t so disgusting. It was part of her routine, spending whole Saturday nights on the floor, having fun and making out with one-night stands. Those were the moments she felt free from the judgment she had received daily on her last job. 

 Quitting her job at the diner wasn’t that hard. In fact, it was delightful throwing her apron on the floor and finally telling her boss what he deserved to hear: That he was a motherfucking son of a bitch. During the 4 years Michelle had worked as a waitress, Earl had always made embarrassing statements about her clothes, body and had humiliated her in front of clients and colleagues. All because she had refused to go on a date with him, who tried to bribe her by offering money to open the club. In the name of Diana Ross, he was married, smelled like cheap beer and was old enough to be her grandpa! Earl had not accepted “no” as an answer, and Michelle’s response resulted in years of harassment because he was certain the woman needed the job and wouldn’t complain about his attitude.

   This is the reason why night clubs were Michelle’s shelter, her true paradise on Earth. She knew the club universe like the back of her hand since she was 17 and escaped from home in the middle of the night with her big brother, Ru, so they could go out secretly and enjoy the nightlife in town. At a young age, she had understood that this was her destiny. Her parents were judgmental about her dream: night clubs were not places for a decent girl. They discouraged her by saying that this was not a real job, the adult world was way different, she would never own a club ‘cause she was a woman and bla bla bla… However, her brother always encouraged the idea and gave her a good amount of cash as a gift to help the club’s funding. She was lucky to have a brother like him.

 The Visage brothers were Charles, who preferred to be called Ru, the black, gay and drag queen first-born who, to the desperation of his parents, was getting more recognition in the drag scene throughout the years. Ru was the son of Paul visage’s ex-wife, so when he got married for the second time, two totally-opposite girls were born: Michelle and Bianca. Michelle, the middle daughter, a Madonna wannabe who was following the path of doom and Bianca, the perfect youngest daughter. Bianca worked at a business company in NY and was very successful at her job, nothing unexpected: ever since she was a kid, she got the best grades and was a hard-working lady. She always wanted to make her parents proud of her, because they were too busy worried about her brothers, so Bianca was under pressure to be the redemption of the family. Michelle noticed how much this made her sister unhappy.

 After long 8 years, Michelle was finally facing her brand-new source of wealth: the ‘Future Nostalgia Club”, home of the misfits, outrageous and crazy ones. Just like Alice in Wonderland, entering the club would be like falling on the rabbit’s hole to meet a world of magic, dance and desire. 

 Well, at least this was how Michelle was imagining it would be. She only needed to clean the club, buy all the stereos, light equipment and accessories for stage work, build a bar, reform the whole place, hire employees…Oh.

She needed a miracle. 

 “Okay, I’m all by myself, except for the family of spiders surrounding the ENTIRE PLACE. Shit. My Eden looks like an allergic rhinitis person’s Hell.“

 After a lot of sneezes, Michelle tried to start cleaning the room, without success. Cleaning the club all alone would take her at least two whole days and she had no idea how she could get the rest of the tasks done. She was a waitress, not a party planner. The more she thought about it, the more stupid and regretful she felt about starting a business by herself, without any guidance, and buying a full abandoned space. Just to think that Ru trusted her so much that gave part of his cost savings to the club made Michelle doubt her capacity even more. Maybe her parents were right after all. Adult’s world is way different than the full-of-glitter universe of the clubs. She should’ve gone to college just like her sister. Her brother was economically stable doing drag because he was lucky. He was one in a million, something she would never be. 

💿

“What? Fired? You've  got to be kidding me!”

 “I’m sincerely sorry, Bianca. You’ll be laid off, because the company needs to reduce costs, so unfortunately, we have to set you free to find new paths!” said James, her superior. 

 “You say ‘set you free’ like I’m a fucking bird or something! I was nominated the best employee, two years in a row. There was never one single day that I slacked off on work, unlike those other tired queens I share the room with. Didn’t you tell me that I could get a promotion this month yet?” 

 “Yeah, I told you that… However, to have someone leading by my side… My superiors preferred to invest on a new face, a strong, determined and merciless person.”

 “Am I not all of these things? You already told me I’m much more of a man than your homeboys!”

 “I know, but… Bianca, I’m gonna be honest with you: Calling you a ‘man’ is way different than believing you have a shot to be the leader of this company. Yes, you were our best employee, but being a boss consists of so much more responsibility that, frankly, we don’t believe you can handle. You are too good to be constantly trying to prove your worth. Don’t you think it would be exhausting? Besides, this job requires a lot of extra hours, something that would reduce your time with family. C’mon, the superiors made a good decision letting you find other job opportunities which…suits better everyone’s fragilities.”

Fragility. The sound of this word hit her like a missile.

 “Fine…Then, let me see if I understood what you said: Although I work even more than you do, I’ll not get a promotion because I am a woman. That’s it? Do you think I’m not ‘manly’ enough for the job?“

 An awkward silence.

 “I’m glad you understand, so now we can sign your termination contract in good terms! I have no doubts that you’ll find a new job opportunity soon, at a better place!”

 Oh no, he better didn’t.

He barely had finished his sentence when a super-hot coffee cup that was in Bianca’s hand was thrown on the table, smudging all the papers and making some drops of coffee splash on James’ white shirt, leaving stains. Bianca didn’t think about her actions. She just did it. What could they do? Fire her? Check.

   After leaving the room and putting all her stuff inside a box without giving one single look to anyone, Bianca walked to the elevator in a state of shock. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard from James. ‘Being a woman sucks’, she thought. She had spent her entire life trying to be perfect. Getting the best grades, doing well on SAT, studying at a college with a full scholarship, getting a degree. All this hard work just to be told by a piece of shit that she couldn’t be a boss. Bianca hadn’t refused every party invitation during college for that.

    When the elevator reached downstairs, Bianca did her own walk of shame. Everybody in the hall stared at her, some of them looking away from her in fear, others curious about what happened to the usually scary Bianca Del Rio. She was known as a feared woman, with her quick mind, shady responses and killer looks. She didn’t have time for anyone’s bullshit. But right now, she was feeling the weakest she had ever been, and she hated to appear weak in front of others. 

“Be strong. Living in this world is hard as hell.”

 She had grown up hearing that phrase. Being strong became her second skin that was attached to her body ever since she had understood that she would need it to survive. The heavy make-up applied to her face every day worked as a materialization of this mask, as if it would hide all of her real emotions.

 Being strong was the shield to world’s adversities, but also the hideout of her secrets and self-doubts. Bianca knew that she could never be her true self. She was taught to be brave and successful. And people like her would never be successful if they studied Arts. Or if they’d finally admitted they were gay.

 She got used to being strong, quick and working like a dog. But that was not enough. She was not enough. The truth about this reality crushed her so bad that she didn’t care about the rain that was falling on the streets, starting to soak her belongings inside the box and destroying her make-up. The vestiges of mascara started to leave black trails on her cheeks, that dropped from her eyes.

 “Well, at least I can blame the rain now.” She knew this was a poor excuse.

 As soon as she got home, after taking the bus and doing her best poker face during the entire way, Bianca threw her box on the apartment’s floor and, almost at the same time, heard the phone ringing. Leaving a trail of water drops as she walked, she reached the phone and instantly recognized the voice on the other side. ‘Oh great, it’s my sister!’, she thought and answered.

 “Girl, you betta have a real good reason for talking to me right now, because I was asking myself how much alcohol it takes to stay drunk for a whole weekend!”

 “Bianca!!! I need you to come to the club now! It’s an emergency! Wait, drunk? What’s your damage?”

 “Oh, fuck it, I don’t really wanna talk about this. Why do I have to go to your dump? Have you already discovered it was a bad investment?”

 “That’s exactly why I need you to come RIGHT. NOW. Please, Bianca. I promise that if you come, I’ll buy you as much alcohol as you want!”

 “Such a terrible proposal. Promise?”

 “Promise. Just come here, bitch! NOW!”

 After being hung up on, Bianca took a deep breath, rolled her eyes, and made her way to the bathroom to clean up her face, so she wouldn’t look like she just had a breakdown before helping her sister. It was not like she had any better place to go.     

 💿

“What. The. Fuck.”

 “Good to see you too, my dear sister!”

 Bianca tried her best to deflect from the cobwebs and step carefully in order not to ruin her shoes on the sticky stains on the carpet. The place was even worse than she had imagined in terms of cleaning, but she could see a potential nightclub. Maybe if she squinted a little bit.

 “Is this the famous ‘Future Nostalgia’? Its looks more like ‘Future Flu’, but that’s fine!”

 Michelle, sitting on the edge of a platform that used to be a small stage, stared at her sister with no emotion. They were always different from one another, but that day, Michelle noticed Bianca was out of her normal. Her classic executive clothes were soaked wet, and aside from this, something about her expression looked out of place. As if something had broken her shield.

 “I’m such a dip. I should’ve made a better plan before buying this place. If I had looked for more places before buying the first rentable abandoned club, I wouldn’t have bought this…cemetery.”

 “Hey, hey, hey! Get yourself together! You already bought it, so there’s no use to freak out now. Look, I know that it’s hard to see the club of your dreams, but with some repairs, employees and DEFINITELY SOME CLEANING, this space can look like new and mad awesome!”

 “Alone??? How am I gonna do all of these things?? I don’t know if I can handle the management of an entire club! I know this was a bad idea, I shoulda done the same like you and…”

 “And what? Gone to a college and been unhappy? Worked with something you hate? Or maybe spent the rest of your days making double effort to try to fit into a space that you know it’s not your shape, but still you squeeze and hurt yourself trying to fit in?”

 Every word that came out of Bianca’s mouth was heavy and turned her thoughts into reality. The truth was that she always pretended. Bianca made a huge effort to hold her tears, but Michelle knew her for too long to not know that something was going on.

 “What happened, Bianca?”

 Bianca took a deep breath and said: “I was laid off. My superiors didn’t want me to be a boss, they considered me unable for the job because I’m a woman. Do you know how much it hurts? I spent so many years on that company, doing extra shifts all the time and pretending to be someone I’m not for nothing! These clothes, these shoes, this posture…This is not me.“

 Michelle called her to come closer and Bianca sat next to her on the platform.

 “I always felt you repressed who you really were. I remember when we were kids. You spent hours and hours joining pieces of fabric to create costumes for us to use in our plays for the audience of toys. And you always made everyone laugh when you were acting!”

 “For sure, just the Barbies were a tough audience. You know, the excess of plastic in her faces made it difficult to express anything.”    

 Michelle laughed and put her hand against Bianca’s.

 “I think this is the perfect moment for you to start over. You can finally show the beautiful clown that you are. Dirty-mouth, fast and a little bit shady, but beautiful. You may not see this now, but those idiots having fired you was the best thing that could’ve happened. They are not used to a female alpha. What would Madonna do?”

   “Bitch, I thought I was gonna give a motivational speech here!”

 The sisters laughed together.

 “Maybe you should listen to yourself. If Madonna was on your place, what would she do?”

 “She would be Madonna, fantabulous and radical, I’m just Michelle.”

  “Girl, don’t wig out! Dear, you are Madonna. From Brooklyn, but still Madonna!” Bianca said. “C’mon, I wanna show you something.”

 Bianca got up and took a 'Like a Virgin’ vinyl by Madonna out of her purse, which Michelle had borrowed her almost one year ago.

 “Every time you forget who you are, look at this. It was already getting dusty at home; I should’ve returned it to you sooner, but maybe today was the right day to give it back to you.” 

 Michelle took her vinyl back and stared at it, admiring the cover. Then, she remembered.

 “I saw a gramophone somewhere here. Do you know what I have in mind?”

 “Oh, shit, I should’ve seen that coming!”

 “Duh. You won’t escape from me!” said Michelle, already running to put the vinyl on the gramophone. The first chords of Material Girl started to resonate through the room.

 “Take a broom and lip sync with me!”

 The sisters started to clean and organize the space using brooms, dusters, mops and other cleaning supplies that Michelle had brought earlier, while lip syncing for their lives. They sang, danced and tried hard not to slip on the wet floor. A and B sides of the disc were played several times until dawn, when they finally finished the cleaning. The place already looked completely different. It had been a while since the last time they had shared a moment like this. Their last meetings were brief, at family reunions, like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Both of them were busy chasing their own dreams, but now life had got them together in the same path.

 “You know what?” said Bianca, drying the sweat of her forehead with her hand.

 “I wanna work with you. I’ll help you with anything you need related to management, organization and the hiring of new employees. I can use some money I’ve been saving for investments, because this is an investment, and a little bit of my unemployment insurance ‘cause, sincerely, fuck this shit. I don’t have anything better to do and I didn’t get my degree for nothing, am I right?”

 “Are you sure? It would be excellent, but you’re not a party person. You always say that parties are too loud and don’t have enough seats so you can rest your old ass!” teased Michelle.

 “And you are not as brill as me when it comes to business! How about we share what we know and become partners?”

“Deal.”    

  💿

After the hard work, a shower and a certain  number of drinks, Michelle’s and Bianca’s bodies were in a state of drunkenness that made them feel like they could run an entire marathon, so in order to release all that energy, they left the bar and decided to take a walk on the pier. Bianca was wearing some of Michelle’s clothes: a striped black and white shirt, a navy-blue pleated skirt that finished a little above her knees, a huge jeans coat, all of this complemented with white boots with cotton knee gaiters. It wasn’t exactly Bianca’s fashion, but she liked a little bit of a change.

That didn’t stop her from making jokes about it. 

“Yeah, I now kinda understand all the fuss about skirts: they make it pretty fresh down there!”

 “You may not admit it, but I know you gagged on this look! How about it become a habit?”

  “Gag me with a spoon!”

 They walked together until they arrived at a part of the pier that was frequented by a lot of teenagers and young adults that got together to dance, flirt and smoke pot in the darkest corners. A little bit ahead of them, there was a group of people gathered in a circle, enjoying the music played by the DJ, using her simple equipment in one of the corners of the pier. She had pale skin, full light blonde hair, wore a pair of black headphones that matched the rest of her look and had an expression on her face that left doubts if she was just sleepy or super high.

 Inside the circle, surrounded by people going crazy for her dance steps, there was a young girl with dark skin, long and smooth legs, and long straight black hair that moved according to her body. She walked like she was on the Fashion Week’s runway and caught all the attention with her intense stares as she moved.

 Right after, another dancer entered on the circle, doing a bridge, lifting of the floor gracefully. She had light skin, blonde hair, a Chanel haircut and wore dark red lipstick. She was dancing along with the other girl doing splits, handstands and other moves that looked impossible to execute, with such a technique like a true gymnast.

 While Michelle was totally into the dancers, that started to battle with other two boys, another thing caught Bianca’s eyes. The young lady was a little farther away from the group, dancing to her own rhythm of the remix played by the DJ. She had white skin a little tanned and blonde perfect curls pinned on the top of her head with a bow. She wore colorful bracelets, a blue crop top with a mid-skirt that spun with her movements. Bianca was completely hypnotized by the girl.

 When the music stopped and the dancers finished the vogue battle, Bianca was brought back to reality by the sound of the applauses. Michelle looked at her with excitement.

 “I need these girls in my club! They would be perfect! This is exactly what we need, performers would bring so much people to the parties. It would be hella amazing if they were our employees!”

 “So, what are we still doing here? Let’s go there and talk to them!”

 Michelle and Bianca walked towards the group of girls. The two dancers were gathered in a corner, chatting happily while the DJ, who seemed to be part of the group as well, was lazily rolling a cigarette between her fingers. As soon as they came closer, Bianca noticed the mysterious blonde was also there, laughing with the girls, and started to look as normal as possible.

 Michelle called them and started the introduction.

  “Hey, ladies! You totally nailed it; the dancing was amazing! I’m Michelle and this is my sister, Bianca. This was the first time we stopped to watch the vogue battles on the pier!”

 Bianca locked eyes with the blonde, who smiled at her, but quickly looked away. 

 “Thank you, girl! I am Naomi, like Campbell, this is Katya, our Russian gymnast who we pretend is really Russian to give an exotic touch to our group…” both girls extended their hands to greet Bianca and Michelle.

 “…and that one sleeping while rolling a joint is Pearl, our DJ friend!’

 Waking up from her 10 second sleep, Pearl straightened her back and simply said: “Sup.”

   Katya laughs loudly and says: “Such a character! Oh, and last but not least, this is Courtney, my true foreign friend who came to see us dancing today!”

 “Hello! I’m from Brisbane, Australia. I’m here in NY studying Performing Arts in a student exchange program.” Courtney said, nicely, her accent perceptible.

 “That looks great! So good to see the young ones so dedicated to studies!”   

Bianca felt the weight of 84 years on her back after this commentary and regretted saying it immediately, although she made her new crush giggle.

 Michelle went straight to the point.

 “Well, girls, we actually came here to make a proposal: We both are going to inaugurate a new night club downtown, and we need performers, so we thought you’d be perfect! What do you think?”

 A pause. Then Naomi answered.

  “Look, I saw this thing happen a bunch of times, with friends of ours. You are not the first ones and won’t be the last to come here, making promises to the dancers, but it’s always the same scheme. I think it’s cute for you guys to come here and flatter us, but I saw a lot of these contracts that ended up badly for other girls, so the answer is no.” 

 Bianca tried to show more reliability.

 “I understand. We are two strangers, coming here and trying to make a deal, but we also don’t really know you, so this is equally risky for us. Me and Michelle live in New York since always, we grew up here. I am an administrator and Michelle used to work on the diner at 7th street, she’s a club frequenter.“

 Pearl spoke, pointing to Michelle while blowing the smoke from the cigarette.

 “Yeah, you are not a stranger to me…I think I saw you at one of the parties I played at once…but I’m always so tired that I’m not sure…”

 “That’s not really surprising, Sleeping Beauty!” mocked Katya.

 Michelle proceeded.

 “I think we can have a conversation, try to know each other better, and come to a deal that helps both parts. With that talent, you could attract even more public to the parties and would be paid to do what you already do at the pier, but at a safer and more well-structured place!” 

 “Well, the offer is tempting, but we love dancing here. The pier is where our community exists, where we took our first steps and learned everything. We follow our schedules, our rules, without a boss full of orders on us. Also, I don’t appreciate the idea of someone coming here, taking our culture and making money out of it, you know?” Naomi said in a defensive tone.

 Bianca argued.

 “We truly don’t want to take advantage of what you girls do. Your work is pure art, and it’s a result from hard work. I believe we can open a new door for you to show what you do. Downtown is full of people, and sometimes the clubs are visited by businessmen and headhunters looking for new talents. If you work with us, you can make an extra money, meet new people and be seen. I believe we can help each other. We’re all women fighting for our place in this world.”

 Naomi and Katya looked at each other, thoughtful.

 “What about the money?” asked Katya.

 “We can negotiate payments, schedules, and the performances will be totally yours, full freedom to create,”  Michelle said. “We also need a DJ! I think it’s fair enough having a woman in charge of music as well!”

  “Like, I thought I was already in” said Pearl, confused and a little distracted from the conversation.

 “Pearl, we’re still thinking about it, there’s nothing decided here, you stoner! Now, pass this joint over here!” said Katya, getting the weed cigarette from Pearl’s hands.

 Courtney said, bravely: “Do you girls need a bartender? I used to work mixing and serving drinks at my city, to help paying college! And I kinda need a job right now…”

 “Totally! You would be very useful!” said Bianca, one more time regretting her lack of discretion.

 All of them stayed quiet for a little, reflecting on the proposal, until Naomi broke the silence.

  “What about a meeting on Monday, 9am at Joe’s Cafe? We can discuss about it after a rest and having our stomachs filled. Until there, we’ll think about the offer. I believe we can support each other, if it’s really worth it.”

 “Awesome! I mean, deal.” Michelle corrected herself as an attempt to sound professional. “Monday it is.”

 “Deal! Now, if you excuse us, I need to go there and flirt with that cute jock who has been staring at me since the dance battle. The move 'contort like the girl from Poltergeist’ never fails!” 

Katya waved and ran towards the man, followed by Naomi and Pearl, who shook hands with the sisters.

  Just Courtney stayed behind, and right after waving to Michelle, she came closer to Bianca’s ear and said, quietly: “I think Katya was not the only one being observed tonight. And I really liked it.”

 With that, Courtney left, running to reach the other girls.

 Michelle looked to Bianca without understanding what had just happened until she saw her sister red like a shrimp, and started to laugh loudly, followed by curses and more laughs from Bianca. Together, the two started to leave the pier, clumsy and happy, towards Michelle’s apartment. The day had both started and finished in total opposite ways, reviving the hope that good things may be coming. They’d need to work a lot, but the end of this night was just the beginning of a new era in the sister’s lives.         

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Of Dust and Ashes

Well, look at what happened after all. Hope everyone had a happy Holiday and is looking positively toward the new year. This is the last update for Of Dust and Ashes of 2019. Stay tuned for the January 1st post where I go over some stats for 2019- because holy hell have I written a lot of words. 

I’d like to take this chance to thank all of my readers. I’d like to take a moment to thank @winterisakiller for keeping the death count on this from being even higher. I’d also like to thank @tnystrk-exe for encouraging me to embrace the death count. Yes, I realize they are two contradictory forces but they are winged ones sitting on my shoulder. 

Check out the Masterlist for prior Chapters. I run on Coffee. 

Chapter 19: The First Snowfall

Things were quiet as Thanksgiving came and went. It was only a few days after that the first snowfall hit the farmhouse, blanketing the ground in white fluff. Deanna was sitting across from Clint at the dinette and movement outside was what had caught her eye. Instantly, she tensed as she looked over but rather than some threat, she saw fat white snowflakes slowly falling from the sky.

At least, they looked white as they fell from where she sat. It had been a long time since Deanna had seen snow in person. Far longer than she would like to admit.

She told the kids that she and their father had settled in Southern California to get away from snow and winter weather in general. She had told them that she hated snow, hated driving on it and dealing with shoveling it.  

That wasn’t the complete truth. She had loved winter. She loved the sight of snow covered trees and the way the moon sparkled over the pure white ground. There were few things that gave her the same sense of peace as coming in from shoveling the drive and wrapping her hands around a hot mug of cocoa.  

It was true that she hated driving on the snow and ice. It was dangerous but what she hated more was the way her then husband would get angry about the cold. Looking back, perhaps that should have been a warning sign.  

He would get angry about having to clear it off his car, often only clearing the windshield and letting the wind clear the rest as he drove. Apparently, safety for other drivers be damned. When his hands and feet were cold, he got cranky. But there wasn’t anything she could do about that, she couldn’t change the weather.  

The only thing she could do was agree to move somewhere that didn’t get cold in the winter.  

Seeing those snowflakes falling brought back a childlike joy and displayed it across her face for Clint to admire. She wasted no time at all in rushing to the door, slipping her shoes on and dashing outside. Clint and Trust were both right behind her.  

The dog barked and danced in the yard, jumping up and catching flakes in his mouth. Clint watched as Deanna spun in the snow, leaning against the doorway with his cup of coffee in his hand. It was a sight he would gladly enjoy for as long as he could.  

He wasn’t sure if she noticed how the snow wasn’t as white as it should have been, as bright as it should have been. If she did, she didn’t seem to care. It was only the slightest tinging of gray that gave way a hint of what had happened.  

The sky and as a result, the rain, had begun to clear in the last few weeks. It was a small blessing, watching the water run clearer as each day passed. Life was moving on. The cycle was continuing. The world kept turning.  

With the rains and snows, perhaps the dust would stay settled. He hoped that would be the case. The plants seemed to thrive off of the dust and ashes and they both had spent time telling themselves that was a good thing.

And it was. Objectively, they each knew that. The plants needed all the help they could get. Especially food crops, the likes of which were dying at alarming rates all summer and fall. The worrying information had been passed to Clint from New York, where Nat and the remaining team worked. Their primary concern had shifted from rescue to preventing starvation but there was only so much they could do. People would starve to death this winter.  

The Avengers had invited Clint back, urged him to rejoin them. He continued to tell them he needed space. He was needed close to home. Sometimes he would say he was needed elsewhere. And he was, even if Deanna wouldn’t admit it yet.  

A snowball crashed into his face and she erupted into a fit of laughter. The snow left that grimy feeling behind as it melted but he ignored it. His face could be washed. That was the joy of being here, on his farm and behind his gates. It made it so that they could ignore the horrors of the world outside for a while.

“You’re Hawkeye, how could you let me catch you off guard like that?!” She yelled, squealing a bit as he took off after her.

“Maybe I don’t want to be Hawkeye anymore.” He said as his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her from her feet and spinning her around.

If not for the slight gray tinge to the snow, if not for the odd silence that still hung around them, the scene would have been at home in any of the Lifetime Christmas specials Deanna had so loved to watch.

“If you’re not Hawkeye than who are you?” She whispered as he turned her in his arms. Her hands rested against his chest as snow gathered and melted in their hair, leaving the grime behind.

“Just Clint Barton. Just a man, taking care of the ones he loves.” His voice was soft and she could feel him tense as he admitted. it.  

Love. They never defined what they were to each other, what the endgame of their relationship was. They never spoke about sex or love or marriage or becoming a family. But maybe in this new world, they didn’t need to. Maybe it was something that just happened when the time was right and you were not looking.  

“Love?” She whispered.  

“I mean- I-” He stammered and she smiled up at him. It was the warmth in that smile that helped him relax. She was curious and cautious, that much was plain to see. But she was also relaxed and hadn’t pulled away from him.  

“It’s okay.”

“I know- I know Laura hasn’t been gone long. And I do love her still. I think I always will-”

“You promised as much when you said your vows.” Dee offered. “It’s not like things stopped working or that you broke up. She was taken from you and that’s different. It’s okay to keep loving her. It’s okay to always love her. I’m not going to punish you for that. I’m not going to expect that you forget about her.”

“I love Trust.” He smiled and rested a hand on her cheek, cold fingers caressing soft skin. “And I also love you. I’m not sure how it happened, when or even why. I know- I know I don’t know you in so many ways and you don’t know me but…” He shrugged.  

“I think…” She bit her lip, looking away from him. He feared that he fucked it up. What they had going was good and he feared that she’d say she was going to leave him, leave his farmhouse and leave the home she’d made there. “I think we know what matters about each other. I think things work differently now. I think I love you too.”

It was too soon. Or at least it should have been. But things seemed to obey new and strange rules now. The very meaning of what it was to love someone seemed to have shifted and changed. It didn’t mean that she wanted a domestic life with him. To see him off to work and to kiss him and welcome him home. It wasn’t a love that made her long to mother his children. It didn’t likewise wasn’t a love that made him wish to see her belly swell with his child.  

It was a different kind of love but a love none the less. It meant that neither wished to see harm come to the other. It was a love that said they had each other’s backs. It was a love that said they would do anything to protect the other. It was a love that whispered in their hearts that they would maybe even kill for each other.  

But such were dark thoughts for another time. Now wasn’t the time to think of what falling in love in this ash covered world meant. It was the time for smiling and simple pleasures. It was the time for huddling together and staying warm while the dust settled.  

Clint’s lips found hers in a soft kiss. It was sweet and she could taste the dark bitter taste of his coffee when his tongue slipped into her mouth. Dirty snow fell around them as they clung to one another, arms winding tight and fingers digging into skin.  

Their breath came out in white puffs, warming their noses and cheeks. He held her close and she toyed with the ends of his hair. It was a sweet kiss, for all of it’s passion. There was a hunger simmering below the surface yet neither had made a move to take it farther. In that way, it was like so many of the kisses they had shared in their time together. It hinted at what they could have, what comfort they could give.

“It’s almost Christmas.” Deanna whispered as their lips pulled apart.

“I didn’t get you anything, Dee.” Clint’s soft voice washed over her. She loved that he called her that. Dee was the woman he saw when he looked at her. Dee was stronger than Deanna. She was a fierce woman who could keep going through the end of the world. She wanted to be Dee.  

“You don’t have to. I don’t have anything for you, either. Let’s just watch movies and be together?” They’d watched most of the movies between the farmhouse and what they had collected from in town. But that didn’t stop Clint from smiling softly.  

“I’d like that.”  

~~~~~<3

Clint and Dee had been doing laundry when the AI security system came to life. The voice of a woman rang out through the house. It scared the life out of Dee when it called out for “Agent Barton”, much to Clint’s amusement.  

“What is it?” He’d asked, once his laughing was under control. It didn’t feel like anything serious could touch them in their little bubble. The simple act of the system coming to life was enough to pop that bubble and send a ball of molten lead to settle in her belly.  

“A group of about fifty individuals are approaching the property. ETA at the gate- 30 minutes.”

“Armed?” There was something to his voice that she’d never heard before. Maybe she was hearing the ghost of Hawkeye in that moment.  

“Some, yes.”

“Pull up a video feed. Let’s take a look.”

In the living room, the large TV came to life on it’s own. The house was more automated that Dee had given it credit for. The screen filled with what appeared to be a remote camera feed. People moved up the road that would take them to the gate. They were pulling crates on trailers behind ATVs. Men had rifles over their shoulders.  

“Stay here. I’ll address this.”  

“No.” Deanna said, surprising herself. She swallowed back her fear. She didn’t want to be Deanna, scared of the world and what was outside the fence. She wanted to be Dee, strong and a partner to Clint. She wanted to pull her weight. She wanted to protect as much as she wanted to be protected. “I want to go with.”  

“It could be dangerous.” He didn’t say ‘no’ but his face was set, hard lines etching deep.

“I know. That’s why I want to go. I- I want to be able to help if things go wrong. And I’ve gotten better.”

“You have.”

“I can help.”

He signed and for a moment he looked everywhere but at her. He looked to the ceiling and the floor, the couch and the TV. Finally, he looked at her, long and hard. With a nod, he consented. “Stay back, away from the gate. We’re taking my Truck- the doors are bulletproofed and if they take those rifles off their backs- you get behind the doors.”

“You too.”

“I need you alive. I need you.” Clint said.

“I need you, too.”  

~~~~~<3

The sun glittered off the snow. If it wasn’t for the slight gray to the snow cover, it would have looked like any other winter day. There was a heavy tension to the air in the truck. Quivers full of arrows were sitting between the seats, next to bows. Resting on top of the weapons were two hands, clasped together. It had occurred to her as they loaded into the truck that it was the 24th of December. Christmas Eve.  

In the past she’d be building gingerbread houses and taking the children to parties. She’d see them off to bed and tell them at least four more times to go back to bed. And finally, when they were settled and well asleep, she would wrap the last minute gifts.  

Looking over at Clint, she wondered what he would have been doing today if their world hadn’t ended. Would he be busy being a father and husband? Did he cut down a fresh tree every year? Did they decorate a fake one? These questions and so many more danced on the tip of her tongue and she dared not ask them. Part of her wondered if just as Deanna had passed away, leaving Dee behind- did that man pass too from this world? Is that what he had meant by wanting to leave Hawkeye behind?

They pulled up close to the gate, nose of the truck within a few short feet of the metal. He had once told her that the lower part of the gate was not electrified, only the upper third. It served to protect animals that may wander into it or small creatures passing through it but kept anyone from climbing over. There were no signs warning of this and she wondered if that was legal.  

They left the truck running as they opened the doors. Ice and snow crunched under their boots. Her ankle was almost healed and for that, Dee was thankful. The last thing she needed was to fall. Still, there was a lingering stiffness to it.  

They stood, partially hidden behind the open doors of the truck and waited. They could see the group approaching. There was a moment of silence as they came to a stop right outside the gate. They sized each other up.  

She watched as eyes flicked from Clint to her and lingered. He cleared his throat and they looked again to him.  

“What do you want?” he asked, authority powering his voice in a way that she found so painfully attractive.  

“Let us in.” The man who seemed to be the leader, demanded. “It’s time you paid tax to King Jacob.”

Their eyes locked eyes at the name. They’d hoped that they wouldn’t hear of him again. In hindsight, that was far too much to ask for. Having a second run in with a group tied to King Jacob made Dee wonder about the state of things on the west coast. Was King Mason expanding his territory this winter as well?

“We owe no tax and have sworn no loyalty to any new King.”  

“This land is claimed by King Jacob.”

Clint began to speak over the man. “This land is ours and ours alone.”

Ours. Not his. Ours. The word sent butterflies into a fluttering fit in Dee’s stomach. She squashed them and for now, the remained squashed. Now wasn’t the time.  

“As the ruler of this land, King Jacob takes possession of three quarters of your supplies.” Clint snorted indigently. “We’re also gathering… vulnerable citizens to keep safe in the city.”

“And to do so you need them in cages?” Clint nodded his head to the side, toward where large wire kennels were placed on trailers. They were pulled behind ATVs. They had heavy tarps covering most of them.

Deanna hadn’t noticed before Clint drew attention to them but when she realized that there were people, women in the cages. Once she noticed them, it was hard to ignore what was right in front of her eyes.  

The women looked like there were naked and too thin. There wasn’t a scrap of cloth inside the crates, so far as she could see. Most of them huddled in the shadows, no doubt using the tarps covering their enclosures to protect themselves from the elements. The only thing they could use to keep warm was the body heat of one another.  

“It’s to keep them safe.” The man said. “You never know what could-”

“She doesn’t need you to protect her.” Clint glanced at Dee as he spoke. “I assure you, she is more than capable of taking care of herself and she’s got me to watch her back. That’s all she needs.”

“Ah but she is a woman.” The man pointed out as if that much wasn’t obvious. “Women need protection. It is King Jacob’s orders that the women and children of his lands be gathered in the city.”

“These are not his lands.” Clint challenged.  

“They are. And you’ll give your woman and your tax.”

“We’ll do no such thing.” Dee called out.  

“Help me.” A woman’s voice called timidly through the cold air. Her arm reached out from between the openings in the woven wire of the cage. “My baby- They left my baby. Help me.”  

“Shut up!” A man guarding the cages roared, breaking any sense of decorum the caravan had been aiming for. The man jabbed a long stick into the cage, striking the woman. She fell hard against the grate bottom.  

“Please.” She cried, words carried to them on the soft winter’s breeze. “Please, they- they left her. They left her!” The man jabbed her with a stick, again and again until all that they could hear was the woman’s broken sobs.  

“Where?” Clint demanded and when he didn’t receive an answer, he demanded a second time, louder. “Where is she?! Where did you leave her?!”  

“It doesn’t concern you.” The leader coolly spoke, as if a woman wasn’t being beaten through the crate behind him. “Bring your tax- her included- to Kansas City and present it to King Jacob within a week’s time. Prepare your camp for inspection after. Do not make us come for it.”  

They watched as the caravan turned and made their way down the dirt road. Dee’s eyes darted to Clint, taking in his tense form and locked jaw.  

“What now?” It was the sound of her voice that brought Clint’s eyes to her.  

“We find that baby.”

“How?”

“Try to cover as much ground as we can. Do you- Do you want to come or stay?”

“I want to go.”  

“Then let’s go.”

~~~~~<3

Tag List: @usedtobegoodfriend96, @theoneanna, @alexakeyloveloki, @acoholic-muffin, @missaphrodite23, @toozmanykids, @j-u-s-t-4. @bambamwolf87, @nonsensicalobsessions. @tinchentitri, @xoxabs88xox​, @queenoftheunderdark​, @coyotesongwriting​, @myoxisbroken​, @carissime72​, @faemapfae​, @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​, @wegingerangelica​

[wagnerarts]

2sc0ramb1ed6

Living alone while my family was in California was exactly what you’d think it’d be these four days on fall break. With no alarms set, I still woke up at 8, heart racing from the thought of classes I was sleeping through. Waking up hours later felt lazy.

Finally making my way to the kitchen after 12 PM was conflicting. I’d open the fridge and see leftover quinoa; laugh at the lengths my family went to be healthy. Look to my right and spot the half drank Chardonnay and joke to myself that I was technically allowed to drink it. Technically.

I grabbed the hummus and wine quickly and shoved the fridge door closed with my hip.

X

I now sit on the lawn chair on my family’s balcony, overlooking the pseudo suburban street in the privileged part of the city.

Cigarette half smoked, remote silence. The whir of nearby bicycle wheels start, and the noise triggers me and I’m aware. Once I realize its innocence, I suck in another drag and close my eyes.

It’s nothing.

A flashback to smoking a bowl out my bedroom window four years prior floats back. I’d moved my bed to rest against it in hopes smoking closer to it would smell less.

“Are you smoking pot?” My mother asked, standing in her light pink robe, clutching the doorknob and keeping the door half mast in hopes she was wrong.

“This dude was walking his dog past the house and I swear he had a joint, I swear, Mom,” I started.

“Just... Just stop,” she said as she closed the door.

I paused, my bowl hiding under the comforter. After a few minutes passed, I brought it back out and outstretched my hand past the screenless window and into the summer night to light another bowl.

X

The years all melt together. You tell me nowadays you didn’t know what to make of me when we met in 2010.

“You were so young and so forward. I knew you were in love with me and I didn’t care,” you say. But you care now.

We laugh about how backwards we were. Our first date was my first date, too, at our town’s Thai restaurant at the end of your senior year of high school. I remember you being confused on how to pay with your dad’s credit card when the check came.

“I don’t even have my license yet, how do you expect me to help?” I laughed. Afterwards, we smoked a joint on the swings and fucked in your backseat as if we hadn’t spent the entire year there.

On a weekend visit home from boarding school in 2012, you hid a letter written on the back of a Southwest ticket in one of the bushes outside my house. I’d gotten too drunk and fallen asleep before I could sneak out to meet you, which in retrospect was probably a good thing. I’d just started dating someone else—someone I actually was allowed to talk to, and who wrote me every week. “Whenever you feel the pain of the past, turn to the gift of the unwritten future,” I remember the last line read. I kept that letter for years. I wish I hadn’t lost it.

You pulled the car over in the middle of a snow storm in 2013 and asked if I still thought about marrying you. I was too high to respond, so you started recounting all the details of what we’d planned to fill the silence. Months later, halfway into summer, we met at the park near your house and watched the sunset. You were dating someone with the same name as me and for some reason that detail hurt more than others. Of course we were both already high when we met up that night, but we sat on a picnic table and smoked out of an orange together anyway.

I’m starting to realize meeting up to smoke gave us an excuse to see each other. You asked me if I was sleeping with anyone. I was, and it was a friend of yours. I know it’s sadistic of me but I almost did it just to see the look on your face when I told you.

We tried to say goodbye last summer on your birthday in June. Sitting on the curb near my old house at 2 AM, you remained standing and in the middle of the street. At one point you dropped to the ground and buried your face in your hands, shaking your head.

“We have a few options. We could say goodbye, never talk again, and wonder what could have been. It’s clear we can never be friends. Or we could say fuck it and finally really try this. But if we do that, if we try, that makes this real. This won’t ever truly end. Not nicely, at least. We’ll either end up married or fucking hating each other,” I said.

“But I don’t want to risk that, the last thing I want to do is hate you,” you said. When you looked at me I could tell you were trying not to cry.

I will always love you, no matter how many times we try to quit each other; no matter if ever follow through with it or not. Talking about sharing the rest of your life with someone changes you and your future; you’ll always be comparing what you’re currently living to the life you two planned, because that life still lives in a way; a shared house is bought in your thoughts and the girls and boys names you chose will never sound the same. That life doesn’t just go away. It stays tucked in your back pocket even as you fuck and love and breakup with other people.

But I realize it became a crutch. Something to lean on when I was insecure, because what we felt for each other always proved to be more permanent than any other feeling. You like my art and when I’m sad, it doesn’t scare you. I told you I’d meet you in Colorado once I graduated, and I encourage you to tell me what you’re thinking. We know how to argue and the kind of love we have is the closest to home we’ve felt in years. But I can’t seem to do this with you anymore and I wish I could explain why.

X

Ryan was in the midst of random men I turned to when I first tried to forget you my senior year of high school. It’s not that I was a slut or too easy to the extreme, but I did fuck and still fuck in attempts to shove you to the back of my mind sometimes. Of the few that I bent the rules with, Ryan stood out. He was a sophomore at smart school who had a full ride that was publicized around town, and his dad had died suddenly a few years back. He was mainly known for that. That, and his drug dealing.

He started talking to me at the end of my dwindling attempt of a relationship with a guy I was friends with. I swear he could smell the pity and knew he could have me. He picked me up the Sunday after I drunkenly dumped him. I left 3 AM Monday a much happier girl.

He then started driving home once a week, then twice a week, then three times just to pick me up from school and go straight to his room. As far as my mother was concerned, I was “at the library”. I remember not feeling the pressure to feel when I was with him. He wasn’t over his ex, I wasn’t over mine. We got to smoke and fuck and drink whiskey straight from the bottle without any leftover shame of why we were doing it and we didn’t have to confront that. I remember him going down on me as I smoked from a vape pen from the first time, pressing the button and watching the blue light start flashing when it deemed I’d had enough. High as hell, I laughed at the metaphor, and when he looked up from confusion, I chose not to share. “Just fuck me,” I said instead.

One night when we were half a bottle of Captain deep, I noticed he wasn’t as in to it. Something about how he kept stopping and moving his face away from mine felt off; I was used to having to be the one to slow him down. Not caring enough to question it, we continued until he pushed himself off and rolled away from me.

“What’s going on?” I finally asked. It was quiet for a moment. I watched his back expand in quick spurts and felt the tension of his held breath.

“My dad is dead,” he said to the wall.

And all I could think of to say back was “I know”. I stopped fucking him after that.

X

You drove to see me in the city the other night. You were here and in front of me and so visibly in love with me so I tried to love you back just like I used to, but my body wouldn’t let me. We fell asleep on the floor and when we woke, I forgot it was you for a minute, and yet I don’t know who else I would’ve assumed was holding me. The guilt I felt when you thought it was an accident I was inching away was overwhelming.

I put myself to bed, and you followed because we were too drunk and high to fight anymore. But when you placed your hands on my face and kissed me awake the next morning, I panicked.

A life with you seemed plausible when the past didn’t hurt.

I’d forgotten that it always would.

Flashback to you sitting on that senior girl’s porch; summer 2010. I walked outside as the party was dying and watched my friends give in and get picked up by their disappointed parents; I hadn’t even dialed a number yet. You and a friend were passing a blunt back and forth across the table and I just stood there as this semi-confident freshman.

You then passed it to me without making eye contact.

I tasted grape as you talked with him about schools you were applying to, and I thought about the weekend before. I’d been babysitting and still invited you over, convinced you it’d be okay to sneak over to my house once I got home.

Mistakenly using Nare when I thought it’d be the night. Not even feeling the pain of it and the rest of my mistakes once you came.

You were my consensual first time, and we were at the same party. You were my first time, and I was excited about it. You were my first time, and you wouldn’t look me in the eye. And I wish I never pretended that I was okay after that.

I look up from my midnight secret cigarette and notice the lamp screwed above the balcony's door is lopsided. I sigh because I am too tired to laugh.

I'll write about it once I get to my room,​ I think.

Fuck I hope I remember it by the time I get there...

Why do I have to drink more than a bottle of wine to feel like I get the peace I deserve? I scramble my pockets for a better working lighter and found just that and my inhaler. 

I light another and play a song I liked when I was 16. The shadows on the wall are dancing nicely and I wish to photograph it, but the cold stops me.

X

I’m sitting cross-legged in contempt, contemplating whether or not it’s emptiness, and breathe out smoke as I rub my knees for warmth. I wonder what and why I let come between them. Sometimes when reminders of lost memories flood back, I wince and make a sound. I’ve learned that these add up, and at odd moments, sting me with shame.

My mother asked what I did with the four days she gave me left alone in this house and I gave a detailed description of how the silence was so nice it rewarded with me over ten pages of writing I could use for class. In reality, it gave me only four, none of which for school. I didn't care. And I don’t, I really fucking don’t.

I'm writing, I'm expressing-- in ways I haven't in a while. I haven't been in therapy since 2013 and I'm coping in weird ways, the best of which is this. Everything still hurts, and that everything covers from the bullying to the blackouts to feeling like my father avoids looking me in the eye. I drink, to an extent I deem necessary, but I don't smoke nearly as much. Pretending the Xanax I'm prescribed doesn't count lets me validate the idea that I'm not abusing pills like I used to, but when the amount adds up every so often, it's hard to ignore. And I’m finally trying to push you out of my life and forget all the good and focus on the bad because there really is so much of it—more than we’d both like to admit. So yes, I'm sitting here cross-legged on a lawn chair on my balcony, and I can’t pretend it is not freezing. And yes, I used to be able to. But please, try to remember, I used to be able to pretend many things.

[tybalt-you-saucy-boi]

Hello! I was curious to know what some of your favorite Mindcrack moments are in all of their years of existing?

Bro. You are in for a motherfucking LIST.

Off the bat, every single Team Canada Prank. I’ve practically memorized the Sky Shrooms and King of the Ladder episodes. That moment when Guude realized Etho was part of the prank and said “We? Who’s we?” and Etho stuttered and fell backwards off the mushrooms to his death was the first moment in my life that I truly felt alive. #TheOfficeIsAGoodShow #RealMenUseTheirRingFinger

Von Swaying Guude’s house changed my whole outlook on Minecraft. How could someone make something so darn ugly and yet so beautiful? It’s the epitome of doing something for the sole purpose of shit starting creating and having fun rather than aiming for perfect and never finishing. Zisteau is a great addition to any video 10/10 educational content

Just about every moment in Guude/Nebris/Pakratt/Arkas’ TerraFirmaCraft Reloaded series. Had to pause videos multiple times to write down quotes and even then I passed up some good ones! I fully intend on rewatching the series from each perspective. Arkas getting slain by bear, Guude and Arkas secretly growing mushrooms and getting high, Pakratt confusing dolomite and diorite, literally everything Arkas does, THE COWS, that last episode of absolute chaos wtf Pakratt

UHC #ForTheKidsSeven with Single Malt scotch’s skyblock base and rampant cheating from every team except Nebris’. I fucking LOVED that near-kill with the anvil, and all the chaos as the border shrank. Four players stuck in a 1x1 column! The arrow volley between SMS and SkyblockJr. Can this happen every UHC?

Speaking of UHC, Etho and BdoubleO’s epic fight in season 11! He was absolutely on the ball with those potions, I was sure he’d die before he could use them all. And Etho’s fight with Guude right before that was hilarious! Guude high as fuck on percocets and Etho like completely confused at what Guude was doing. The original UHC skybase by Zisteau #I’mALavaExpert and Anderz reaction to the skybase, and then to Guude’s dogs

The whole portal thing in season 3 with Pause, Kurt, and Beef too! That has remained one of my favourite UHC moments since I saw it, there is nothing more classic. Every single season I hope someone will make a portal for no reason and end up in someone else’s base with them. #TheWolfTheWolfAmazing!

Zisteau’s E-Pranker Montage. I legitimately cry every time I watch it, particularly during 0.5 (the fourth prank) when he rebuilds Bdubs’ first house from his Building With BdoubleO series. Bdubs’ moment of realization hits me like a train even though I know it’s coming. Like, if someone built my first Minecraft base to prank me I think I would die on impact, but like in a good way.

And back to UHC! Season 14 episode 5. HOOOOOOLY FUCK! 2spooky4me should have totally been a UHC team! Remember when Zisteau played UHC? It just isn’t UHC without him to be honest. And besides the #BadYouTubers and #ImALavaExpert moments from Super Hostile and Ninja Turtles, Parkas had a great season as well! Shit, everyone was awesome! Parkas listening in on BTC finding a silverfish, Doc listening in on Ole Yeller right before Zisteau-ing himself and swearing, Baj hiding nether wart, every single drunken drink Genny did, Parkas towers “we should smelt some stone to make bricks”, snnnnowballs! :D, HEY JSANO! WHY YOU RUNNING JSANO?, “ooooh, we’re right behind you haha” “BTC, they’re actually here.” Pakratt was slain by generikb, Avidya’s spooky voice echoing around Seth and Anderz “You wouldn’t hurt an old teammate, would you?” “I dunno. It’s been awhile.” Just. God this was a good season.

Season 19 with Vechs and BTC! You’ve heard all the famous quotes, “how did I get stuck with you of all people” “Vechs, Vechs. I don’t hate you anymore” “He’s not dying. He’s just mad right now.” “Did it come from your hand, knocking a teammate off the ledge?” “THAT WAS A MOD!” etc etc. I also like MC’s half heart midnight desert dash, although it took a good 10 years of my life from the stress. Oblivious Pakratt running away from his teammates as they yell after him and then wondering why he hasn’t found anyone yet. Seth’s reaction to MC’s diamonds. Coe’s post commentary, again, you know the quotes: “Left. Chicken. Right. Chicken.” “This bucket has wheels!” “Are you gonna put that dirt in a chest?!” etc. Kurt finding Beef “Sharpness Five diamond sword!” and PiMP turning around. F1 and PiMP in general. SwedishZen and Millbee with the melons.

Obligatory mentions: “NOOO YOUR DOGS KILLING ME!!!!”, 2Germans1Hole, Zisteau crafting a clock and finding every excuse to use it during the game so that those 4 gold didn’t go to waste, Rob’s jukebox battles, Anderz fighting spiders when a creeper wanders into his hole, Bdubs’ “real” season 9 ending, Nebris going God-mode “HIT ME ALL YOU LIKE”, Nebris and Pause double kill, Nebris and Pyro double kill with Bdubs watching and cleaning up at half a heart and then Etho cleaning up again and finding the potions B left and Bdubs interrupting his video to do facecam to explain that he’s a nice guy who shares and leaves gifts for others (basically whenever Bdubs does facecam in UHC. Let’s face it, when Bdubs whips out the cam you know you’re in for a good show), Team Uppercats season 10. All of it.

Trouble in Terrorist Town when Pyro and Coe pull a long con on Pause and Guude in like episode 9 during the last round. I had to pause the video to take it all in, I was just in awe. That series is one of my favourites! I always watch from Pause.

In original DvZ when BTC got warned for breaking a cake. Also Pause’s helmet!

Team Canada CTM uhhh forgot which series, but Pause and Beef getting stuck in a hole, Etho dying, placing TNT over their heads, and singing “Pause and Beef, best of friends” while Beef panics.

Etho calling Pause fat as a joke and Pause taking it serious and then Etho going “wait, are you actually fat?’ lmao.

Pause yelling about vacations on episode 37 of the podcast with BdoubleO “STOP TELLING PEOPLE I’M GOING ON VACATION IT’S NOT A VACATION!!!!!!!” and every time he’s yelled about vacations or muted his mic.

Baj reading a question and mid sentence switching to talking about the curry he had last night, and then there’s a pause and the rest of Nancy Drew fucking loses it.

On the podcast, Kurt’s “Wake me up, boys!” That whole episode was a blast!

The whole “sitting or standing?” debate and the guests’ reactions to it.

Doc accidentally killing Notch on the Mindcrack server, and Dinnerbone confused about him not dropping an apple.

Doc’s zombie death loop from season 4 with Anderz saving the day and then promptly dying.

B-Team mafia in survival of the fittest, Etho killing Genny, and B and Etho teaming up afterwards. Also B and Pungence talking excitedly at the end was adorable, you can really tell they’re brothers lol. And Etho drinking out of the outhouse! Bdubs’ comment on that video killed me lol. And Etho forgetting his push-to-talk and failing to team up with Doc.

The whole got-dang B-Team trial.

End of season 3 tour “On a scale from Baj to Anderz” “Arkas, say something about your build.” Arkas: “Hello.”

The original Death Games, when Etho reveals his secret to Nebris particularly, and all the trash talking. Also Millbee, MC, and Nebris coming to kill him and Kurt logging on in the middle of it.

Prop hunt, and all the wiener and erect jokes. “Am I erect?” “I just saw a can spying on me while I was trying to put my wiener in the toilet!”

Pause and Rob getting girlfriends in Orespawn, and Rob naming his after Pause, and Pause murdering his.

Andrea talking about waking up with spiders in her mouth in an old Triple Eh Mondays episode.

Nebris “sensually” feeding Beef a banana (and practically begging to do it to) on the Mindcrack marathon, and Beef completely ruining the mood lol

Zisteau accidentally launching CaptainSparklez back into a lava tree column and “Dude, it’s okay. You can just kill me” after Jordan’s hit him about 40 times.

#ForTheHorse

MC accidentally killing his one and only teammate JSano during UHC season 22

Sevadus and Seth playing blindfolded lego with Chad’s underwear on Sev’s head, lots of swearing, bugs in the lego, “Are you sure it’s the grey lego?”, “I don’t think I like kids anymore” etc

All the Pyro and Baj burns on Quiplash, ie “What’s something that absolutely does not make you think of a penis in any way?” “Baj”

Coe and Pak playing that stupid horse/giraffe volley ball game with the stretchy legs and neck, and Coe doing the silly accent

Bdubs calling Nebris a psychopath in Nebs’ first FTB episode because he jumped a dangerous ledge for 2 (TWO) pieces of glowstone dust

Nebs coming outta nowhere and jumping in Etho’s car when he was about to test his race track

The first few episode of CrackPack and the battle between Etho and BTC, and Beef and Nebris

The first building game with potatoes on sticks, the second accidentally dirty and racist building game with bloody toilet capsules, the third actually dirty building game with a viking hat with a penis inside

God, I could go on forever, but I’ve already spent over an hour and a half on this.

[purplesurveys]

526

Where did your last kiss take place? My car. I was dropping my girlfriend off at her place. Who is someone you look up to? My friends who’ve been in rough patches more than once but still manage to keep on keeping on. I’m just grateful that we’re all still here. The police just called your house. What is the reason why? It would most likely be because something happened to either my sister or my grandma (mom’s mom).  Look to the left. What catches your eye first? A gray pillow, a part of the wall, and a window slightly covered by a curtain. What was the last thing you ordered at Mcdonalds? I got iced coffee and curly fries last week.

Are you thinking about someone right now? Nah not really, I’m mostly thinking about the slew of emails I have to answer lmao ADULTHOOD  How many fingers do you have? 10. Why is Myspace copying Facebook? I barely caught Myspace so I wouldn’t know. Current smell? I can just...smell what our house smells like. Homey. Current taste? I had adobo for dinner but the taste isn’t lingering in my mouth anymore. Who are you talking to right now? Just this survey. Are you dating anyone? If so, how long have you been together? Yes, three years. But if we count the on-and-off-ness, it would be five years in 2019 hahahaaaaaaa What is your ringtone? I have an iPhone so I have the default ding sound for everyone, but Gab has the Marimba tone so that I’d know if a text came from her in particular. Everyone also gets the default ringtone for calls, but I changed Gab’s to the Alarm tone for the same purpose. How old will you be in 5 months? I’d still be 21, just a little older. Where is your Mum right now? She’s watching TV upstairs with my dad. What do you like to drink in the morning? Collllld water. But if I’m a little sleepy, I like to rely on coffee. Name of your pet? Kimi. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of wasps? I’d rather like not be outside tnx. Make a shout-out to somebody: To Gabie’s former schoolmate: I never met you nor did you ever know me, but I hope life on the other side is treating you well. What piercing/tattoos do you have? Just my earlobes have piercings. I don’t have any other, nor do I have tattoos. I’d probably get a tat of my dog’s paw, but I don’t know when that would be. Last television show you watched was called? Breaking fucking Bad. What colour is your hair? It’s black. Is it naturally that colour? Yep, never dyed it before. How was your summer? It was pretty awesome. I interned at a PR company for a month, which was super eye-opening and fulfilling and basically secured my desire to be in PR instead of journalism. It exhausted me though so I spent the entire next month just bumming at home, which I didn’t regret at all – I deserved that break haha.  Did you go away on Holiday? Yeah. There was a long weekend recently because one of the Mondays was a local holiday, so we went out of town for that. Do you believe there is life on other planets? Why or why not? Yes. The universe is unimaginably huge and there’s no way we’re the only ones who managed to fully develop out here.

You have to make a sandwich. What do you put in it? I Google banh mi and just take the ingredients from that. What is a word that rhymes with “Umbrella”? Tarantula? What were you doing at 10:30 PM last night? I think I was taking the last survey I took before this. Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone? Gabie, this morning. I wanted company for a bit while driving. Would you rather have a pet shark or a pet snake? Idk if keeping them is good for either animal, but I’m *KIND OF* not opposed to having a snake. Name the illegal drugs you have taken in the past 4 months: None. What kind of shampoo do you use? Just normal, good ol’ shampoo. If I say “Lemons” what would you say? Stream Lemonade on Spotify. Hot tea or iced tea? Iced. You are at Starbucks, what are you about to order? If I didn’t have to worry about budget? A grande iced caramel macchiato and a Monte Cristo sandwich. Who is the most beautiful person you know? Audrey Hepburn. Does pepper make you sneeze? Haha yeah, but only when I breathe or sniff directly into the shaker. Otherwise it’s fine. Do you miss anyone right now? I miss my girlfriend, my original friend group from my org (most have graduated and there’s like, 4 of us left still enrolled), and people from high school. Is there something blue within 10 feet of you? I’m wearing a navy blue hoodie at the moment. What colour is your bedroom painted? Do you want to re-paint it? White. I wish it were a very light pastel pink. What is in your pocket? Nothing. My ID was in it today but I’ve since taken it out. Arent you excited for the new Alice In Wonderland film to come out in 2010? I wasn’t. I didn’t see it. Hottest actor in your opinion? Kristen Stewart. You are making a film about your life. Who is starring as you? ^ Her, plz. Current song you are playing: Unconditional Love by Against Me! What was the last thing you put into your mouth? Coffee that’s gone cold. Where will you be within the next hour? I think I’ll be upstairs in my room by then. Ever wanted to tell someone something, but couldnt? Yes. I dunno if I’ll ever have the courage to tell Gabie I keep a Tumblr where I answer thousands of questions just about myself hahaha. I don’t know if she’ll get it, but I’ve been itching to tell her for a while now. Name 5 things you look for in a relationship: I’m a demi, so it really varies. I just have to have a close bond with the person, and the qualities would follow suit. What size is your shirt? Extra small. Extra extra small, if possible.  Is anyone getting on your nerves right now? LOL for a while now. Someone from the org who has never contributed to any of the projects we work on.  Who was the last person you held hands with? Gab. What did you eat for dinner? My dad made adobo wings for dinner. He was supposed to make like WINGS wings, but my mom suddenly texted him to pick her up, so he had to make something else on short notice. Adobo’s the easiest dish to make, so he whipped that at the last minute instead. What time is it currently? 9:32 PM. Do you know how to use chopsticks? Nah. Whenever I do, I 100% fake it. Trust me. When was the last time you went to the dentist? Couple of years ago, I think. If an ex said they hate you, what would you say? I don’t have any. Can you honestly say you would die for someone? With no hesitation. One wish: A big house.

[alpxcamin]

1K Prompt List

Once again, thank you guys so much for 1k followers! We both love you guys so much and thank you for supporting us despite our messy posting schedule and random hiatuses. Here’s the prompt list and feel free to create your own prompt. However, please don’t pick over 2 since both of us are quite busy. I linked the original post where I got the prompts from on #1 and #66.

Please only choose 2 and send it in with any member you would like and we’ll write a drabble for you. If you have any other questions, please do send them in and we’ll do our best to clarify!

"You're really soft."

"You smell nice."

"I'm here for my daily fix of hugs and kisses."

"Is it possible to love too much?"

"I don't wanna get up-- you're comfy."

"I will always be there protect you."

"I'm cold. Come closer."

"I love you a lot, but please stop trying to cook me dinner, you suck.”

"The stars look especially lovely tonight."

"I've never seen such gorgeous eyes before."

"May I have this dance?"

"I can't stop thinking about you."

"You'll never feel alone with me by your side."

"Let's get to know each other over dinner.

"All I want is you."

"I could never leave you, I love you too much!"

"A fairytale with a happy ending always brings a smile to my face."

"I want to hear you sing."

"I don't think anyone could ever be as lovely as you."

"You look incredible in that."

"He/She's quite stunning, isn't he/she?"

"Sometimes I just can't control myself when around you."

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"I think I'm in love."

"I’d like it if you stayed.”

"People are jerks, but not you."

"I'll share the blankets with you."

"I have never felt this way about anyone."

"Can I kiss you?"

"I waxed the floors, grab your fluffy socks."

"Who changed the thermostat settings? I’m freezing to death."

"Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?"

"You can put your cold feet on me."

"Your stray red item turned my whites pink."

"A thunderstorm is rolling through town and you’re scared of lightning/thunder so I’ll protect you."

"There was a power outage and now we have to have dinner by candlelight."

"Rock Paper Scissors to see who has to go talk to the neighbors upstairs for being too loud."

"I just came home to you crying while watching a movie, please tell me what’s going on."

"Our AC is out and it’s the middle of the summer."

"You found me crying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night surrounded by a shattered jelly jar."

"My parents are coming over in 10 minutes so please put some clothes on"

"We’re repainting the apartment and going to the hardware store together to pick out color swatches."

"IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH."

"I caught the bouquet"

"My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years failing to get over them."

"We accidentally got married in Vegas oops"

"I’m really drunk, please help me get safely out of the way so I don’t ruin our friend’s wedding."

"I planned out this super romantic proposal and you just ruined it by beating me to the whole proposing thing."

"I wasn’t planning on asking you, but it appeared to me that life is short. Will you marry me?”

"If you shove cake in my face this will be the worst wedding night of your life."

"You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m so happy I can finally call you my wife/husband."

"I jokingly told you that the only way I’d marry you was if you did this weird outlandish thing, and you actually did it, and I’m kind of charmed."

"This is probably a bad time, but marry me?"

"We’ve become the clingy newlyweds you always complained about. "

"Your ‘miracle hangover cure’ couldn’t possibly beat mine."

"I know you haven’t had the best experience with dogs in the past but look at its face please please can we keep it?"

"I wanted to surprise you for our anniversary, but everything that could go wrong did go wrong."

"I beat you at Mario Kart and now you're banishing me to the couch for the night?”

"I surprised you with tickets to see our favorite band… WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SURPRISED ME WITH TICKETS TO SEE THEM TOO?"

"I know we had a big fight but we still need to decorate the house for the holidays."

"Oh! Hey! Could you come and taste this to see if it's okay?"

"We’re arguing over book versus movie."

"I came home to a Nerf gun on the front porch and a note that says ‘Here is your weapon. I have one too. Loser cooks dinner. Good luck. Xo’"

"We’ve been celebrating our wedding anniversary on a wrong day for the past nine years."

"You had a business trip and I missed you so much that I kind of tore up the house in your absence like a dog with separation anxiety… sorry?"

"We both have nowhere else to be so we get to spend our rare day off at home."

"Aren't you going to say something?"

"And I thought I loved you."

"And I thought you loved me."

"Angry. I'm...I'm angry."

"Aren't you even going to cry?"

"Are you going to cry?"

"Are you crying?"

"Are you okay?"

"Ask if I'm okay. Just ask."

"And this is why I don't want to stay anymore."

"Are you angry with me?"

"Are you afraid?"

"And now is the part where we say goodbye."

"And now you're going to leave me!"

"Are you just going to leave me?"

"Be friends with someone else."

"Boy/Girlfriend? Is that what you thought I meant?"

"Because you're such an ass and I- I just hate you!"

"But I've changed."

"But you've changed."

"Buy yourself something nice. Because I don't want this ring."

"But.. you're still alive?"

"Can't you just let me be happy for one?!"

"Can't you be happy for once?

"Can't you just be happy for me?"

"Come on, leave already!"

"Coward. That's all you are. A coward."

"Do you even know what you've done to me?"

"Do you have any remorse? "

"Don't you dare close your eyes on me!"

"Don't you dare die."

"Don't you care about me/her/him/them anymore?"

" Don't give me that look"

"Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Dammit! Everything was just starting to get better and then you do this!"

"Damn you."

"Don't lie to me."

"Dammit...Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! You fucking ass!"

"Everything is fucked up now- everything is fucked because of you!"

"Everything's gone to hell."

"Everyone hates me."

"Everyone hates you."

"Everything hurts."

"Everything's going to be okay."

"Everyone loves you, not me."

"Everything is falling apart."

"Everything fell apart and I can't pick up the pieces anymore."

"For someone who's dying, you seem kind of happy."

"Friends forever, right? Isn't that what you said?"

"Find a new place to live."

"Find a new girlfriend/boyfriend."

"Find a new best friend."

"Fine. I'll leave."

"Forever and ever. That's how long I said I loved you. But you never said it back."

"Fucking hell, I hate you!"

"Get lost!"

"Get out of here!"

"Go. Just go."

"How are you still alive?"

"How long are you going to keep this up?"

"How long until you finally get lost?"

"How about I just leave."

"Hold up. You're breaking up with me?"

"Hell is the only place we're going to be going."

"How about you leave now?"

"Is this how you're going to treat me?"

"I can't believe you."

"I killed someone."

"I want to kill myself."

"I'm leaving you."

"I can't look at you right now."

"I hope you die!"

"I don't understand."

"I'm so angry/sad. But you don't care."

"I can't hear anything."

"I'm dying."

"I have cancer."

"I can't breathe."

"Just joking, I don't love you."

"Just leave me alone!"

"Just fuck off."

"Kindly get the hell away from me."

"Kind. That's the one thing you can never manage to be."

"Lie to me."

"Life is not worth living."

"Like I give a shit about you."

"Lies are all you're capable of."

"Lay down. It'll all be over soon."

"My heart is broken. "

"Everything hurts."

"My girlfriend/boyfriend left."

"My ____ is dead."

"Man, you're an asshole."

"My lies aren't working anymore."

"Never again."

"Never speak to me again."

"No. I won't do it."

"No, I don't like you like that."

"Now, now, is there really any reason to cry?"

"Now and again I really start to hate you."

"No. Stop crying, just stop it."

"Not how I wanted to spend my life."

"Never look at me again."

"People hate me/you.”

"Person? No, no. You're not a person. You're a robot."

"People like you sicken me."

"People like you deserve to die."

"Perhaps you should just leave, then."

"Piss off."

"Question: why are you still here?"

"Quiet. I'm getting sick of hearing your voice."

"Running away. That's what I'm doing."

"See? I hate you."

"See? You hate me."

"Sometimes I wonder why you stay with me."

"So...you hate me, then?"

"So this is how it ends."

"Shoot me."

"So why are you still here?"

"Took off with everything I had!"

"Time to go."

"This is the end. It's done."

"This is the end."

"This is why I hate you."

"Then why do you say you love me?!"

"Unlike you I have friends."

"Under the bed is where I have to hide from you."

"Utter it again and I swear I'll kill you!"

"Why can't you grow up?"

"Why can't you care about me?"

"Why do you hate me?"

"Why do I hate you?"

"What? You're dying?"

"Why can't you just be you."

"When am I supposed to get my time to be happy?'

"Well. This isn't how it was supposed to end between us."

"Whatever, you asshole."

"Whenever you decide you can stand to talk to me ago, please do."

"Well, I hate you now."

"Well, you hate me now."

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Star Crossed Rivalry: Part 1

Pairings: Opie x Reader (SOA/TWD MC AU Crossover ) Negan daughter!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff

Word Count: 4,018

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ope…” Jax sighed as he watched his best friend tighten the straps of his saddle bag after double checking that he had everything for his road trip. “You sure about this, brother?”

“I just need to get away for a while.” Opie said as he grabbed a fresh pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his kutte and packed it on the heel of his palm. “Mom’s sick, and I promised her I’d go see her when I got out…”

“I get it.” Jax said with a nod as he took an offered cigarette from his best friend’s pack. “It’s just… you just got out this morning.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Ope snapped a little shortly around the filter of his cigarette. He sighed and ran his hands through his long hair to pull it back for the ride. “Sorry, Jax.”

“It’s OK.” He agreed with a nod as he pat Opie’s arm. 

“Look, I just spent five years in a locked box, staring at the same fucking view day in and day out. I need to clear my fucking head. I’ll be back at the table in no time.”

“Alright.” Jax said with a nod as he handed Opie his helmet. “Just ride safe, brother. Tell Mary… well, I wouldn’t tell her anything from me.” He chuckled as the pair exchanged a hug.

“Yea, I’m surprised she even wanted me to come out there.” Opie laughed as he straddled his Harley for the first time in five years. He let out a sigh of relief as he revved the engine and kicked up his kickstand. Jax stepped back as Opie walked backwards down his driveway to put Charming and his time in prison in his rear view for a while. 

——

‘Stupid fucking job.’ You thought as you stood behind the diner counter, staring through the glass doors at the empty parking lot in front of the building between the lunch and dinner ‘rushes’. ‘’s’not even a damn job. Just a waste of my fucking life.’

“You want something for lunch?” Cam, one of your father’s MC prospects called out as he threw a burger on the grill for himself.

“I’ll make a salad in a bit.” You sighed as you stood up straight and grabbed your coffee mug to refill it. “Ugh, is it fucking three o’clock yet?!” You groan loudly as the diner door opened.

“Last I checked, it was only little after two.” A male voice you didn’t recognize said behind you over the jingle of the bells on the door. You glanced over your shoulder as you put the black handled coffee pot away and cocked your eyebrow at the mountain of a man stranger that walked through the door.

“A new face.” You said as you turned in your spot and put your coffee down on the bar. “Sit anywhere you like, hun.” He nodded his head as you handed him a menu.

“Waitin’ on my mom.” He said as he grabbed a chair at the bar in front of you.

“Oh.” You said with a nod as you leaned back against the back counter. “Who’s your mom? I’ve lived in this shit hole town long enough to know everyone here. Coffee?”

“Beer.” He said as he pointed to the taps behind you. “Her name’s Mary.”

“Mary Winston?” You asked as you grabbed a glass from the shelves under the bar. “Well I’ll be damned. That would make you her not so little Harry.”

“Opie.” He corrected as you set his brew down on the counter. “So does the whole town know about me?”

“Just the ones with tits.” You teased as you picked up your coffee. “So I’d avoid the beauty salon, that dress shop on Vine, and just to be safe, the grocery store down the block. Better yet, just avoid women kind everywhere in this town.” He smiled at you as he used his thumb to wipe away the foam from on his mustache.

“Cute.”

“Thanks.” You said with a nod as you took a sip of your coffee. “I’m (Y/N). And just so you know, your mom was already here for lunch. She comes at 11:45 on Fridays.”

“Fuck.” He sighed as he ran his hand over his bandana covered head.

“She doesn’t know you’re coming, does she?” You asked. He shook his head as he rocked his cup on the bar.

“I just needed to get out of California. Figured I’d come see my mom.” You nodded your head and started to choose your next words wisely when Cam beat you to the punch.

“She’s gunna be pissed!” He laughed behind you, causing you to grab the soda gun and spray him with water through the servers window.

“Ignore him.” You said as Cam swore at you and stormed out of the kitchen to have a cigarette.  “Let’s go talk. I need a cigarette anyways.”

“You’re not gunna get fired for that shit?” He asked as he grabbed his beer and followed after you.

“My dad owns the place.” You said as you shoved the diner phone in your pocket and grabbed your coffee. “So I could almost literally get away with murder here.” Opie nodded as he ducked through the door you were holding open for him. You pulled a cigarette from your crumpled pack and jumped up on the hood of your pick up truck. “I don’t mean to pry here but… when was the last time you talked to your mom? She’s said maybe three words about you in the six years she’s lived here. Thanks.” You said as he lit your cigarette for you before leaning against the truck beside you.

“About that amount of time ago.” He sighed with a glance over at you. “She uh… she wrote me off when I got my last felony.”

“Ouch. Assault?” You asked as you looked over at him.

“Arson.”

“Fire. Nice.” You said with a slow nod.

“She didn’t think so.” He said as he exhaled his drag toward the diner sign above your heads. He glanced over at you as he ashed his cigarette, finished his beer, and took another drag. “What’s your story?”

“My story?” You repeated as you looked over at him with a shake of your head. “Ain’t worth tellin’.”

“Now that’s a lie.” He countered as he put the empty glass on the curb, turned in his spot and leaned forward until his arms were resting on the hood of your truck.

“You think so?” You asked around your cigarette as you leaned back on the windshield and looked up at the sky. “Trust me, sweetheart. Ain’t no one from poo-dunk North Carolina has a story worth a grain of salt.”

“Oh, I beg to differ on that one.” You smiled and rolled your head on the glass to look over at him.

“Trust me…” You said as the distant rumble of motorcycles echoed off the mountains through the small town, signaling your father’s return home after a long week away. “It’s much simpler that way.” Opie nodded and turned his head toward the noise and stood up a little straighter as you flicked your cigarette across the lot. “If you’re planning on seeing your mom, I suggest waiting until tomorrow. She goes to the next city over to the casino on Friday nights with the other old biddy’s in town. No hotels close by really. There's a B and B down that way but the lady has like a hundred cats.”

“Fuck, I hate cats.” He said as you sat up and grabbed your coffee mug to go back to work. You nodded as you pulled a pen from your pocket and turned his arm toward you.

“I fucking hate cats, too.” You said as you scribbled your cell phone number on the crook of his arm before your father, Negan, and the rest of the Saviors pulled into the lot for a late lunch and to take over the diner for the rest of the night. “Head down to the book store down the block, wait an hour, then call me so you can follow me to my place for the night. If I don't answer, wait ‘til I call back. Trust me, you want to avoid my dad for as long as possible. He’s a dick on his best days.” Opie nodded as he stood up and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.

“For the beer.” He said as he handed you a ten. “See you soon, (Y/N).” You smiled at him and stayed put for a moment to watch him head over to his bike as Negan pulled in on your other side followed by the rest of his MC. You bit your lip and smiled when Opie winked at you and pulled out of the spot next to your truck as Negan came around the front of your truck to look at his only child.

“The fuck is that?” He demanded as he watched Opie take off down the street. You looked over at him, innocently and shrugged.

“He was looking for his mama.” You told him as you scooted off your truck as the girls that ran the night shift pulled in behind the club thankfully early. “Welcome home, Daddy.” He nodded as you kissed his cheek, grabbed the empty beer glass, and headed inside with Opie’s smile in mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So this is your house?” Opie asked as he looked up at your quaint three bedroom cottage.

“It looks much better inside.” You promised as you looked around to make sure none of your ‘neighbors’ were home in the private, asymmetrical cul de sac the club basically owned since they were the only people that owned houses on that ten house private street. You both looked over at a loud bang and a smile pulled at the corner of your lips when an inhuman screaming came from your home. “I hope you like dogs.”

“That’s not a fucking dog.” He said as you headed toward the front door and your weird dog. “That sounds like something’s dying.”

“Oh, it’s a dog alright.” You laughed as you pushed open the door to your open floor plan living room and kitchen. “Get back. No, get back!” You snapped as your Boston Terrier, Creature, tried to run out the front door. You crouched down as you walked and playfully pushed your dog back across the wood floors so your guest wouldn’t be attacked with kisses if he didn’t want to be.

“What is it?” Opie asked as he set his saddle bag and leather jacket down on the couch. 

“His name is Creature.” You said as you headed straight to the back door to let your pet out into the fenced in back yard. “I saw him at an adoption thing and knew his ugly mug wasn’t going to get him adopted. So I brought him home out of pity.” Opie nodded as you called him toward you with a drag of your finger so you could make sure your pup didn’t dig his way out of the fence. “So I don’t have many rules here because I just don’t fucking care but they’re pretty simple.” You said as you pulled open the wooden gate that lead to the stairs to the yard. “Rule number one, you drink my beer, you replace it as long as you are safe to ride. Store’s two blocks down the road on the left. Rule number two, no smoking cigarettes in the house. This rule is never abided by by my father and his goon squad but it’s a rule. So if you choose to break it as well and pass up on these amazing views Daddy paid for, at least open a damn door. Weed is fine indoors. No doors need to be opened.”

“Simple enough.” Ope said as he pulled up the top of your hot tub and dipped his hand in the warm water. “Jesus. This shit is making me not want to go back to California.”

“I don’t see the point of leaving Boone.” You said as you sat down at your table and kicked your feet up on the wood. You gestured toward the gorgeous view of the mountain ranges behind your house and looked over at him with a smile. “Who would want to leave this place?”

“Not me.” He said with a nod as he lit his cigarette and sat down beside you. He looked out at the view as he unzipped his sweater, making your stomach and your smile drop.

“Shit, put that back on or take the kutte off.” You hissed as you dropped your legs and looked over at your dad’s back yard to make sure none of his club members were over there. “You’re in Saviors territory.”

“I’m what?” He asked as you yanked the fronts of his sweater closed.

“It’s the MC here.” You said with fear in your eyes. “They run the south and the east coast. We’re the reason that the Sons can’t move out of New England and the West coast. Fuck, that’s why Mary hasn’t said more about you.”

“How do you know about the Sons?” He asked as he zipped his hoodie back up and sat up a little straighter. You sighed and shook your head as you searched his gorgeous hazel eyes.

“Because I’m the founding president of the Saviors’ daughter.”

“Fuck me.” He groaned as he looked over at the house you had been looking at.

“Look, you’re fine.” You said as you scrambled to find a way to help him out in enemy territory. “Just take off the kutte, and put it under a bed. You can grab it on your way out of town. And it’s chilly enough here that wearing that jacket to cover any ink is acceptable. Just keep to yourself, don’t rock the boat, and don’t mention the Sons. You’ll make it outta here alive.” He nodded his head as you grabbed your cigarette and inhaled deeply.

“Why are you helping me?” He asked as he reached into his jacket for his cigarettes since his had burned out. You looked over at him as you got up to let Creature back on to the porch.

“Because you have a kindness in your eyes that I don’t see much in the locals in this town because of who I am. I build my opinions of people on the story their eyes tell. Yours say they’ve seen some shit but that’s not the person you would want to be if it wasn’t expected of you.” He nodded his head slowly as he looked down at the little beast snorting at his ankles and a huffed laughed escaped his lips.

“Fuck, he is really fucking ugly.”

“Told you.” You said as you put out your cigarette. “So you still gunna stick around?”

“For a while.” He said with a shrug as he pat his thigh, letting Creature happily jump up on his lap. “Gotta experience the view of the stars from your hot tub before I leave.”

“Of course you do.” You laughed as you got up from your chair. “Come on, we gotta go put your bike in my pathetic excuse for a garage and hide any other Sons evidence you got.”

——

“What’s your opinion on being a legacy?” Opie asked as he built up the fire in your living room fireplace while you prepared dinner. You shrugged your shoulder as you skewered a piece of top sirloin on a skewer and grabbed a red pepper slice to add next.

“Over rated.” You said with a glance up at him. “I am definitely not the club but being Negan’s daughter puts this stigma over me that I can’t stand. Most people around here avoid me like the plaque out of fear but I’m actually a really nice girl.” You looked up at him as you tossed your begging dog a small piece of carrot, causing him to snort loudly through his squished in nose to devour it as fast as possible. “I can’t get a date to save my damn life because most guys are terrified of my father.”

“Yea, I get that.” He said as he stuck his hand in the fire place to quickly adjust the log he had just put in before it was engulfed in flames. “My Dad was one of the First Nine. As a kid, everyone in the neighborhood avoided me and my boy, Jax. Almost like we were tainted. My birthday parties as a kid consisted of a bunch of old, drunk dudes and crow eater’s kids.” Huffed through your nose as you finished the last meat skewer and moved on to the shrimp and scallops ones.

“Negan’s harlots.” You said with a nod. “Skanks. Whores. Gold diggers…”

“All of the above.” He agreed as he set one more log on the pile and sat back on the wood floor. “Did teachers single you out?”

“In my younger years.” You said with a laugh. “But then I started living up to the expectations they put on me. I used to flip desks and throw shit. I would swear up a storm every chance I got, and I can’t tell you how many times I told male and female teachers to suck my dick. I finally just dropped out my freshman year and got my GED a year later just to avoid the stigma people were putting on me. But, like it did you, I eventually embraced those shoes. I’m a biker’s daughter. Nothing I can do about it. Cross me, and I’ll bash your fucking head in with a baseball bat. Play nice, and I’m a fucking sweetheart.”

“Well fuck.” Opie laughed as he got up off the floor and pulled up his dark blue jeans. “I thought that was just a guy thing. I tend to blow shit up if you cross me.” You laughed and shook your head as you both looked over at the rumble of a motorcycle outside. Your laughter died in your throat as you set down the last skewer on the plate to take out to the grill.

“Fuck.” You sighed as Creature went running over to the door (and accidentally slammed into it like he always did) to say hi to your dad and who ever else he brought with him. “Like I said, nothing about the Sons.” Opie nodded as the sounds of boots walking down the porch from the driveway to your front door played an ominous song over Creature’s screaming barks. Your visitor threw on his jacket to hide the bottom of a reaper tattoo on his right arm and got it zipped just as your father threw open the front door. He hesitated for a moment, glaring daggers at Opie as you grabbed a couple beers from the fridge for him, his Sergeant at Arms, DJ, his VP, Simon, and a tag along soldier named Dwight.

“The fuck are you?” He demanded as he used his boot to keep your dog inside for you.

“Dad, this is Opie.” You said as you popped the top of his beer and held it out to him. “He’s crashing in my guest bedroom until his mom’s back from the casino tomorrow.” Your visitor stood up a little straighter and respectfully took a step toward your father as the four club members glared at the unfamiliar, bearded man in your living room. You let the stand off go on for a moment before you sighed and stepped around the counter to get to your dad with his beer.

“Stop it.” You said as you pushed his arm and looked up at him. “Not in my house.” His eyes darted down to look at you as you held up his beer with an innocent smile. “I was just about to put dinner on the grill. You staying?” He nodded his head as he cupped the back of your head, and kissed your forehead.

“Gotta spend time with my little princess.” He replied as he took a swig of his beer and stepped around you. “What’s your name, boy?”

“Opie.” Your guest said as he offered the president his hand. “Just passing through.”

“I’d sure fucking hope so.” Negan said as he simply looked at Opie’s hand on his way to the kitchen to cook dinner. “Wouldn’t want something to fucking happen to ya.”

“Dad, quit!” You snapped again. “I promise you, I will kick you out.”

“You fucking think so.” Negan grumbled as he grabbed the tray of skewers and headed toward the back door. “Come on, mutt.” You rolled your eyes as Creature happily followed your dad to the porch to go with him down to the grill.

“Like I said.” You repeated as you put your hand on Opie’s arm and gave it a gently squeeze. “He’s a dick. Wanna smoke before dinner?” He nodded slowly and followed you toward the back porch. You glanced over at Dwight with your eyebrows raised as he tried to follow the other three men outside. “Rice and corn ain’t gunna fucking cook itself, D.” Simon laughed and grabbed two beers from the counter as you dipped outside.

“Prospect?” Opie whispered where only you could hear. You shook your head and made sure DJ and Simon were out of earshot before moving your chair closer to his.

“Patch, unfortunately.” You breathed as you looked at Dwight in the kitchen window. “He’s a snake. Saved my and my dad’s ass in a shoot out ‘bout fifteen years back as a prospect and used that as a bargaining chip to get his patch. So now he’s kept on a short leash, and treated like a new prospect when there’s not another one in the room.”

“Hazing a patch. Nice.” He said as he sparked his lighter and held it out for you.

“Such a gentleman.” You said as you lit your smoke and sat back in your chair. “So what’s Charming like?”

“Hot.” He laughed as he moved his arm when you kicked your sock covered feet up on his chair beside him. “Probably looks about the same as it does here.” You nodded in agreement as you looked over your shoulder at your dad’s booming laugh.

“Do you ever want to leave? Like permanently?” He shrugged his shoulders and rested his arm on your crossed ankles.

“Could you turn your back on your family?” He countered as he searched your eyes in the setting sunlight. “It’s not that simple of an answer. The club sucks you in, claims your soul. You know as well as I do it’s not something you walk away from even if you want to.” You nodded in agreement as you finished a cigarette and pulled a joint from the pack. “I thought about it a lot in the box. Wondering if I could turn my back on my brothers, on the family that took me in when my mom walked away, and my old man. I wondered what life would be like if I blacked out my ink and faded away. Or just went Nomad and disappeared forever into the setting sun. But I don’t think I could walk away from the life.” You nodded your head slowly, completely understanding where he was coming from.

“I’d be scared he’d come find me.” You whispered. “I love it here but… well, you know.” Opie opened his mouth to respond but your father coming up the stairs silenced him.

“Keep your fucking hands off my daughter.” He growled on his way into the house. “Foods up in five.” You once again rolled your eyes and passed off the joint.

“Ignore his stupid demands.” You said as you brushed your toes against his elbow. “You wanna bend me over the fucking rail and fuck me until the sun comes up, go for it. Free country.”

“Honestly, I’d love to but I’m afraid I’d lose my fucking dick.”

“I’d protect you.” You giggled with a smile. “You seem worth protecting.”

Part 2

[unrequited-words]

Life Update

This will be a long post, so bear with me.

I haven't really been sober in 6 weeks and I'm sitting here drinking hours old coffee, just coming down from an hour walk with my dog watching the sunrise above Springs Preserve and all I can feel is this great empty sadness.

Last night my brother called me and he said his childhood friend was in an accident and he gave me the details and maybe it's because I'm in my own grief and trying to deal with his emotions without medication which is really stupid and maybe it's because they are from a small town and what do you do when you aren't raising a family or working you either drink, cruise the small streets of wherever you live, and get into trouble

He told me that he flew through the windshield and I immediately and his cousin who were all good friends with I wouldn't say myself because I'm from a different in younger generation then my older brothers but I'm just thinking if it wasn't for my niece dying this would be my brother and the next 10 years if he was alive because I look at A and I judge him on what he looks like how hard he has worked for his family excetera and then I think what do you learn from sharing childhood friends have died and all I can bring back to the plate is if you don't take care of business business will take care of you

And I sit here thinking at 7 a.m. realizing my degree is worth nothing. I will have to focus on building my skills more and having this degree may help somewhat but I think at the end of the day I'm going to be miserable and at the end of the day I'm going to have to write for me. I have four final classes to take and I know they are one of the hardest and I think even though I'm doing it what's the fucking point? I feel like I am in this midlife crisis at 33 realizing you're just going to have to pick up yourself and fucking deal with it because no one's going to hold you up while you cry no one is going to walk with you when you are so grief-stricken foggy and no one's going to understand what you possibly could go through

unless they've been through it and I have everybody I know besides my second oldest brother no one has no idea of what it's like to live in a toxic family, to be raped by a family member, to not recognize and how and learn to use a voice you've been given a tell it's too late but here I sit rising from the ashes realizing I'm basically going to be working in customer service and this degree doesn't mean anything and I'm going to have to find something that makes me happy and clearly what I'm doing it's not it and I don't know where to go from here I have spent the last eight years in school to show almost nothing for it and if I could go back I would get back this degree I would get a degree to help me make a better life

I'm not saying I feel helpless but I feel like my whole Life's a fucking joke. Yeah I have a Associate's Degree in General Studies and yes I almost have an English degree with a concentration in creative writing and a minor in journalism but that's not going to get my foot into the door and there's no fucking way then I'm going to be spending another $50,000 trying to get a teaching degree when that's the last thing I want and it's really heartbreaking just to write this down and to say it out loud

and maybe it's 6 weeks later since my mom's past but I totally get where my brother's coming from and why he feels like his life is a joke because I'm in that same situation right now and I would do anything that I can change it and I have to figure out how to change it instead of trying to get a minimum wage job or even a customer service job and they treat you like shit if I could do clerical work for the rest of my life I might be happy but I feel like I'm just wasting my talent and the thing is I don't even know what the fuc Petaling is and that's scary I just wish my dad was here so I can ask him what do I do I'm in $55,000 worth of student loan debt I'm basically paying for a bachelor's degree that's almost worthless unless I become a Content writer but I don't have the skills for that so I guess focus on my customer service skills that I have been honing for the last 10 years my going to be working in a fucking gas station or fast food for the rest of my life because this English degree is teaching me it's not worth shit I might as well have gotten a degree in underwater basket weaving

7 years ago I kept on saying I want a degree that's going to get me somewhere. I want a degree that it's going to mean something and that I'm going to look back and be proud of and I am proud of this degree but I'm just like what the fuck is the point if I can't get my foot in the door if my writing is shit maybe after I graduate I can take a couple of classes and try and become a better writer but at this point I think I'm just done I'm so burnt out with everything and having my mom died the way she did makes me realize I better find fucking job in the next 5 years with a good 401K because if I don't I think I would have died like her

I mean think I understand that some people get to a point where they're like I've nothing else to live for and they just died and I don't want to get to that point but I'm just to the point now where I don't give a fuck about anything I just want to be selfish I just want to do my own thing and make my own mistakes without having to answer to anybody and it's been that way my entire life and I fucking hate it

[lettertothedead]

To Me, if I Succeeded

It was a bitter cold October in an unheated apartment at the corner of Ramsey and Kathleen. Snow had arrived before Halloween this year, something that you were informed was quite common in Northern Idaho. If not for their warnings, you wouldn’t have expected it. Like always, you were a newcomer to this town. You had no expectations and you didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. Like a discarded doll, you had let them place you here. You were seventeen years old.

The last four years had been spent in and out of rehabilitation, traveling through Utah, Texas, and California. Perhaps that's why time meant so little to you, and space even less. While most teenage girls took this particular span of time to experiment with identity, you had never really gotten the chance to create your own. You had spent the entirety of high school as a traveler, always the new girl in every school, thoroughly examined by your peers until diagnosed as normal. You had learned to act, had learned to be quiet and pliable. You were a passive bystander to your own life.

Of course, the implication of having a life never fit on you either. You spent high school in a variety of different houses, apartments, and wards, but you never had a home. A home implied a seat by the fireplace, family game nights, petty quarrels with your brothers and sister. By the age of sixteen, you forgot what your parents looked like between their visits. You saw them once a year, if that, the imprint of those visits on your psychology lessening every time. One day, you realized that you had not been raised by your parents, or anyone. You had simply sprouted. You were a weed.

For the brief time you spent in psychiatric care in Texas, between guardians, you were allowed a ten minute phone call with each of your siblings. It struck you then, how gentle they were with you, as if they had been told you were fine china or a feral dog. They didn’t prod you or tease you over the phone, they simply talked in slow, quiet voices. This was your identity.

At the turn of the nineteenth century, at the advent of tools like the bicycle, the telephone, the camera and the expansion of the railway, the meaning of time and space shifted. It rattled in its grave before dying entirely, taking Europe with it. It was beautiful, they said, an Englishman could travel to the continent in mere seconds by telephone call. His world suddenly stretched around empty space, light and color blinding him from all angles. The fierce white Russian winters, hot red Spanish summers. Things that the masses could have only shaped with the written word and imagination became vivid reality.

Humans, confused and frightened in shoes too big to fill, stuffed the void where space and time had once been defined with war. I remember sitting in my Modern Poetry lecture in college learning so much about the human impact of such inventions, through the eyes of other writers. I was effectively wearing the skin of Walt Whitman looking out on bountiful, diverse America in all of her hopeful, brutal glory. I remember reading old poetry zines, published in 1919. War, having squashed creatives under his angry boots, milked them for their lifeblood. That’s what we get for trying to play God, by the way, a lot of dead people and some really great writing to add to the portfolio of human suffering.

In the 21st century, narrowness does not exist. Our minds have been stretched so far around space and time that they are aching. The only cavities still left full are the locked perspectives of our neighbors and the vein-like missed opportunities that twist out of our past selves. And we are still probing them. I don’t believe objective truth comes when all space and time has been shed like lizard skin. I want to hold onto something concrete and grounded, even though I know you never believed in it. I hold on so tightly to God, using words I think you can understand to describe his majesty. Then again, you were always cynical.

In a 1952 Dublin lecture hall, Erwin Schrödinger told the crowd that, mathematically, they were inconsequential. He said that the suspension of different histories, the possibility of different realities, were "not alternatives, but all really happen simultaneously". He warned the listeners that this was lunacy and I believe he was right. I know you would think of me as a zealot for believing that some stones should not be turned over, but God’s shoes are too large for you, and me, and Dr. Schrödinger. Then again, you never went to college.

Here’s a laundry list of things you never did. You never looked in the mirror and saw a woman. You never pulled your own strings. You never sat passenger while Tyler drove you to the Safeway parking lot, talking God, and life, and love over cigarettes and The Pixies. You never quit smoking. You never fell in love with anything but yourself, and her reflection in other women. You never learned how to stop being a pendulum between love and hate, happiness and sadness, chest-tightening fear and total calm and by that, I mean you never conquered addiction. You never had the confidence to publish your poetry. You never fell into another person and had them bear your entire weight without faltering, like you would do for them. You never walked down the aisle wearing your mother’s dress and watching your father cry with joy. You never forgave your parents for fucking you up, and you never let them forgive themselves. You never lived to see eighteen.

The crinkled leaves make me wistful and leave me wanting. I live here still, not because of someone placing me, but because I love it. I wouldn’t want to leave. Last year, I graduated college and this year, I’m going to get married. The snow hasn’t fallen yet and it’s already January, but I suspect that has more to do with climate change than divine providence.

My savior was a girl I’ll likely never see again, and I don’t even see her as my savior. She was the Anyman, the good Samaritan. The weight of savior is too heavy for a stranger so instead I am just grateful that time and space lined up to help me, despite the fact that I had forsaken them.

On the ride to the hospital, my vision was blurred, I was slipping in and out of consciousness, humming to the radio under my breath. I could feel myself dying, the pills aching in my stomach as my head knocked against the window. I crashed into the threshold. The driver kept trying to make conversation desperately, bless his heart, trying to keep me with him as he sped past fast food restaurants and neon, the landmarks of this physical body. The radio was loud. I still listen to that station sometimes.

Once I was there, they put tubes in my body and fed me charcoal. I remember thinking vaguely that I had ruined my nicest panties when I shat black and vomited black on my winter coat. It didn’t cross my mind until later how funny such a thought is, when you’re dying, and you’re only thinking about your name brand underwear, the only pair of name brand underwear you own. In the psych ward, I watched Signs on VHS no less than three times as I tried to drown out the screaming child with schizophrenia. I missed the adult ward by a month.

You never lived to see eighteen. You never lived to meet your best friend or the love of your life, to travel to Prague as I did last summer, and stand on the edge of a Tesco cart, picking out cheese that only cost a few cents. You never lived to grow old, to remake the construct of family and home, build a fireplace with your bare hands and prove you are more than fine china. Somewhere inside of your rotting corpse, there lives a dragon. You never lived to get it out. To hell with the other timelines, I am a dragon and I’m here to burn them down.

Some choose to worship the emptiness, the stretch of free will that enables us to bomb or run or smoke or scream at the top of our lungs that we are the highest power in the world. Some worship the erosion of consciousness and meaning that comes with a many-tiered reality, a multiverse where simultaneously, I am you and me, dead and alive, free and in chains. There is no right or wrong in this fog and snow, there is no meaning in this endless winter.

I worship the unknown, the workings of time and space that pushed together so that she would find me lying half-dead on the bed, fingers loosely wrapped around a bottle of pills. So call me a zealot, I am worshiping my purpose. I am paying back this mortgage on my tiny inconsequential life, with every shred of hallelujah. I am relishing my existence.

[thestarsaroundyourscars]

Heat

For the weekly reddie prompt by @fyeahreddie

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 3,615

Located in AO3

When Richie Tozier and his family had moved away from Derry, he never thought he would go back. Even though he had lived there for fourteen years of his life, he had known he wouldn’t miss the town or his school or the people in it.

His parents had been worried of what it would mean for Richie to have to move away after Wentworth had been offered a much better job than the one he already had in Derry. They had expected him to be angry, to blame them for ruining his life or to simply refuse to move away. They had been pleasantly surprised when all he did was ask if Lady Valentina Von Sparkles, their dog, will be going with them. As soon as they said that yes, Lady would be coming with them, Richie had gone upstairs to start packing his things up.

There was only one thing, or more like, one person that Richie knew he would truly miss. And that was his best friend, Beverly Marsh.

They had been friends since the age of twelve and were pretty much inseparable. That didn’t change when Richie moved away though, they stayed in touch through all the years they spent apart and reunited again in college when they both moved to California.

Now, seven years since the last time he was in Derry, Richie was back, thanks to no other but the one and only Beverly Marsh.

He was not surprised he was hating it.

Because, of fucking course he had to come back during the hottest summer in the town’s history. Apparently a heat wave had decided to hit Derry just as Beverly and Richie arrived to spend the summer with Bev’s aunt, Elyse. Richie had been there for two days and the heat was already unbearable.

Right now, both Richie and Beverly were lying on lawn chairs in Elyse’s front lawn. Beverly was wearing a bikini and she looked completely unbothered by the heat as she worked on her tan. Richie, on the other hand, was wearing a t-shirt and jeans and was sweating profusely through them. He also had one of Bev’s aunt beach hats and a pair of sunglasses over his regular glasses. When Beverly said he looked ridiculous, he had glared at her and answered with a “Not all of us can lie under the sun without getting third degree burns, Miss Hawaiian Tropic.”

Richie was taking every precaution to avoid getting sunburnt. He didn’t want to have to rub aloe vera gel on his skin everyday for the rest of the summer.

Apparently for him that didn’t mean taking cover from the sun or covering his skin with tons of sunscreen but sitting in the sun, way to overdressed for the weather and feeling as if he was being cooked alive.

“Why did I let you convince me to spend the summer with you, again?” Richie whined for what was the third time in the last half hour.

Beverly scoffed, “You begged me to let you stay with me this summer.”

Richie hummed, “I don’t remember that.”

“You said that since your parents were going on a cruise for their anniversary, you had nowhere to go and that staying in Cali wasn’t an option because neither me nor Stan would be around to go grocery shopping and to make sure you didn’t burn down the apartment,” Beverly said, lowering her sunglasses to give Richie and unimpressed stare.

“That was before I knew I would be spending two months in a fucking furnace,” Richie said, exasperated, “I should have gone to Colorado with Stan and Patty.”

“And spend an entire month in a cabin in the mountains, being the third wheel to those two?”

“At least I wouldn’t feel like the skin was melting off my bones.”

“Oh Richie, it’s good to see you’re still just as dramatic as you were as a fourteen-year-old,” Elyse Marsh says, approaching the two of them while carrying a tray with two glasses of lemonade in it.

“Being dramatic is my God-given right, Lys,” Richie says.

“You wear it well, honey,” Elyse laughs. “As you do my hat and sunglasses.”

Bev lets out an incredulous bark of laughter, “Yeah, right.”

“You wished you looked this good, Marsh.”

Lys laughs, “Aren’t you a little overdressed though?”

“He has to protect his fair skin from the big bad sun,” Beverly says, mockingly.

“The moment I take off my shirt I’ll turn as red as your hair and you’ll be stuck with me whining and complaining about my sunburn.”

“I already have to hear you complain about how hot it is and how you are dying because of it. Big fucking difference.”

Richie sticks his tongue out at her. Elyse rolls her eyes and hands Richie his glass of lemonade, “And here I was going to suggest you go to the quarry like you did when you were kids.”

Beverly grabs the second glass and groans, “The asshole already refused.”

“FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME, SUNBURN, BEVERLY. IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH.”

“You are a bitch,” Beverly mutters under her breath, taking a sip of lemonade.

When Richie flips her off, Elyse laughs and shakes her head fondly at them, “Just like when you were kids.” Then she turns around and goes back inside.

The lemonade is delicious and it helps Richie cool down a bit. He is sipping the last of it, when he sees something on the other side of the street that makes him choke on his drink.

That something turns out to be a very attractive guy walking out from the house across the street, wearing only red swimming trunks and a pair of sunglasses.

Still coughing, Richie takes off his sunglasses and sits up straight on the lawn chair, trying to get a better look at the guy’s tanned and sculptured body.

Richie notices he’s carrying a bucket filled with rags and a hose as if he was planning on washing the car parked in the driveway like some model taken straight out of Richie’s wet dreams. The image of this guy, dripping wet and scrubbing the car while seductively smiling at Richie makes him feel hotter than the Derry’s goddamned weather and he lets a out a whine.

“I swear to God  Richard, if you whine about the heat one more fucking time-” Beverly groans before noticing Richie is sitting up and staring intently at something. She follows his line of vision and her eyes land on their neighbor.

Her laugh makes Richie snap out of his daydream and he finds her smirking knowingly at him.

“Still regretting coming back to Derry with me?”

Richie ignores her question and makes one himself, “Beverly Marsh, for how long were you planning to hide your hot new neighbor from me?”

“I didn’t know he would be back for summer,” Bev shrugs. Then, with a frown, she adds, “what do you mean ‘new’? He isn’t new, he’s lived there since I��moved to Derry.”

“Bullshit,” Richie says, looking back at the guy who is currently giving him a perfectly clear view of his ass in those swimming trunks as he bends over to pick up a rag and starts scrubbing the car. “Someone else had to move into that house after I left Derry because if I recall correctly, that house belonged to Sonia Kaspbrak and her-”

“Eddie-bear!”

A loud voice coming from inside the boy’s house, interrupts Richie.

His eyes widen as realization dawns on him. Richie hears the boy answer but he isn’t paying attention to what he is saying, he is too busy staring at him in disbelief, because there is no fucking way this gorgeous man is Eddie fucking Kaspbrak.

Richie must have said so out loud because Beverly answers him, laughter in her voice, “He is.”

“Fuck me,” Richie mutters.

“I’m sure you’d like that,” Beverly snickers.

“You have to be shitting me. That is Eddie Kaspbrak?” Richie points at him and Beverly nods. “Cute, baby-faced Eddie? Fanny-pack-wearing, angry, asthmatic Eddie? Eddie Spaghetti Eddie?!”

“For fuck’s sake Richie, yes!”

“What the fuck happened to him?”

“Puberty. He also joined the track team in junior year,” Bev shrugs. Then he sees the way Richie is staring at him in complete astonishment, “Don’t look so surprised, Rich. It’s not like he changed overnight. It’s been seven years.”

Richie was shaking his head in utter disbelief as he thought back to seven years ago.

Eddie Kaspbrak had been a small kid with a cute face, as Richie liked to remind him while pinching his cheeks and chanting ‘cute cute cute’, much to Eddie’s annoyance. They had met through Bill Denbrough when they were eight and the three of them had become close friends, Richie had countless of nicknames for Eddie, all of which he claimed to hate, he remembers carrying around an extra inhaler for him in case his asthma ever decided to act up. Eddie had even been Richie’s first crush ever.

Then they had turned eleven and Richie had been placed in a different class than Eddie and Bill, where he had met the new girl, Beverly Marsh and he had drifted apart from his two friends. They would still talk from time to time and if Richie passed Eddie in the hallway he would throw an “Eddie Spaghetti” his way and he would respond with a glare and a fond “Beep beep Richie”. They just didn’t spend much time together anymore and after Richie moved away, they had never spoken again.

Just as he had changed during those seven years, it was obvious Eddie would too but Richie found it hard to associate that tiny, adorable boy from his childhood with this walking wet dream of a man.

“You should go say hi,” Bev says, effectively snapping Richie out of his trip down memory lane.

“And say what? ‘I had a crush on you when we were both ten and now you look like the man of my dreams, marry me please?’”

“I was thinking something along the lines of ‘hello’?” Bev says, staring at Richie like he was crazy.

“That’s weird, Bev.”

She snorts loudly, “Weirder than what you said?”

Richie is about to answer, when Eddie turns around and spots him and Bev on the other side of the street.

Richie yelps and uses Lys’ hat to cover his reddening face, missing Eddie’s amused smile and the excited manner in which he waves at Bev.

She smiles back at him and waves him over. Bev watches him as he goes to rinse his soapy hands before heading their way.

While Eddie is still out of hearing distance, Bev mutters to Richie, “You might want to lose the hat, he is coming over.”

Richie’s reaction is instantaneous, he sits up straight, sends the hat flying to the floor and turns to glare at Beverly.

“What the fuck, Marsh?”

She shrugs, “I’m doing you a favor. Now, be nice.”

Richie is about to argue when he notices Eddie is just a couple of steps away from them so he stays quiet. Richie is glad he’s sitting down because the sight in front of him makes him feel lightheaded and weak at the knees.

And as great as Eddie looks in those too tight swimming trunks and nothing else, it’s his face that catches Richie’s eyes.

It’s not the same child-like chubby face from seven years ago but Richie can recognize in it the boy he used to be friends with.

He recognizes his big brown eyes outlined by long eyelashes, the freckles covering his small nose and his cheekbones, more prominent now due to the sunlight, his soft curly hair, even though it’s longer now than it used to be. But most of all, he recognizes the same bright smile, because even though Eddie used to groan and roll his eyes at Richie most of the time, there were moments when he was able to get a smile or laugh from him, he remembers living for those moments.

“Bev, hi! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back this summer?” Eddie says, once he is close enough.

Eddie’s voice is music to Richie’s ears and it draws a strangled noise from him. Luckily for him, only Bev hears it, she smiles knowingly at him before she stands up to greet Eddie.

“Hi Eddie!” Bev says, hugging him. “It was a last minute thing. I was going to visit Ben but we had to reschedule.”

“I’m so glad you’re here! I was worried I was going to have to hang out with Ma all summer.” Eddie says, and he sounds genuinely relieved.

“Bill didn’t come back?”

“No, he got a publishing deal and chose to stay in Boston to work on the story. So it’s just me.”

“Well, you’re in luck because Richie and I are staying all summer.” Bev said, pointing at Richie over her shoulder.

When he heard his name, Richie lifted up his eyes and found Eddie looking at him with a curious expression. He smiled tentatively at Eddie and something in his smile, probably his too big front teeth, must have sparked Eddie’s memory because his eyes go wide and he stares at Richie in disbelief.

“Richie? As in Richie Tozier?”

Richie stands up and awkwardly holds his arms out, “The one and only.”

“Oh my God!” Eddie gasps and next thing Richie knows, he is wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck and his naked chest is pressing against his clothed one.

Richie doesn’t know what to do with his hands so they just hover over Eddie’s body before he settles them on his back. He can see Beverly laughing at him from over Eddie’s shoulders and he glares at her.

“I can’t believe it. It’s been forever!” Eddie says, letting go of Richie and falling back on his heels, because no matter how many things have changed, there is one thing that remains the same and that is the fact that Eddie’s still short and considering Richie shot up to 6'2" when he was a teenager, he towers over Eddie.

“Seven years, but who is counting?” Richie laughs, mirroring Eddie’s excitement.

“I never thought I’d see you in Derry again.”

“If I had known you were still around, I would’ve come back sooner. It’s fucking good to see you, Eddie Spaghetti. You’re just as cute now as you were then,” Richie winks.

Eddie snorts, “And I can see you’re still a Trashmouth. I somehow expected you to grow out of it.”

Richie smirks, “Oh, I grew alright. And I don’t mean just my height.”

Beverly groans and Eddie’s bark of laughter escapes him before he can try to keep it in, “Beep beep Richie.”

Eddie’s laugh and the beeping make Richie grin with how familiar those two things sound.

They are staring at each other and just like Richie had done earlier, Eddie seems to be taking in all the changes Richie suffered through the years they were apart. And if his slight blush and the glint in his eye are any indication, he likes what he sees.

Richie doesn’t know how long they stare at each other in silence, all he knows is that it goes on long enough for Beverly to grow exasperated.

She clears her throat, “I’m gonna go inside to help my aunt with lunch so that you two can catch up and make heart eyes at each other in peace.” Then she goes inside.

Eddie lets out a nervous laugh, “It’s great that you and Bev stayed friends all these years.” The ‘unlike us’ goes unsaid.

“Yeah, you and Bill too or so I gathered,” Richie says, and he feels a small pang of jealousy saying it, wishing him and Eddie hadn’t drifted apart.  

Eddie nods, “We live together in Boston.”

Richie doesn’t know what to make of that, so he says, “Ohhh, did Eddie Spaghetti and his school crush finally got together?”

Eddie frowns, then he catches on to what Richie said and he shakes his head frantically, “Oh no. No, no. It’s not like that. He has a girlfriend, Audra and I don’t think of him that way. No.”

Richie sighs in relief, he knows he is being obvious as hell but he can’t bring himself to care, “You did back when we were kids, though. You used to worship the ground Bill walked on.”

“He still makes fun of me for that,” Eddie groans, “And I don’t think that was a crush, more like childish hero-worship, you know? He was my first friend and I thought the world of him.”

Richie hums, “I always thought he was your first crush.”

Eddie laughs, he scratches the back of his neck and looks up at Richie, nervous, “Uh, no, that was, that was actually you.”

Richie’s eyes widen in surprise, “W-what? Me? You had a crush on me?”

“Yeah,” Eddie cringes, “It’s embarrassing, I know.”

“I, no, it’s not,” Richie splutters, “I-I had a crush on you, Eds.”

Eddie looks at him like he is crazy, “Why?”

“Why, he says.” Richie stares at Eddie with that same expression, “How couldn’t I? You were the cutest boy I’ve ever seen!”

Eddie blushes at that. Then, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, he asks, “Were?”

“Uh, well,” Richie chuckles, nervously, “You’re still cute, I just- I think there better ways to describe you now. The words ‘fucking sex god’ come to mind.”

Eddie bursts out in laughter and Richie doesn’t even mind that he just embarrassed himself.

Giggling, Eddie says, “So we both had a crush on each other?”

“Seems like it.”

“And now we both find each other attractive?” Eddie smirks.

“Yeah,” Richie frowns, “wait, you find me attractive?”

Eddie literally face palms, “Didn’t you see me blatantly checking you out when I came over here? I thought I was being as obvious as you.”

“You offend me, mist’r, I am a master of subtlety.”

Eddie snort tells him differently, “Right. I’m surprised none of your drool ended up on my shorts.”

Richie smirks, “There are other ways we could make that happen,” he says, waggling his eyebrows.

“Richie! Oh my God, you’re disgusting!”

“Still, you had a crush on me, so who is more disgusting, I ask.”

Eddie glares at him but the corner of his mouth curls up in a smile.

Before either of them can say anything, Beverly shouts at them from the front porch, “Hey lovebirds! Food is ready! Eddie, do you want to join us for lunch?”

“I should head back and finish washing my car.”

“Great. I’ll tell Lys to set an extra plate on the table!” Beverly says, ignoring Eddie’s argument and heading back inside.

“I guess she wasn’t taking no for an answer,” Eddie chuckles.

“That’s kind of the way she rolls.”

“I should at least go put on a shirt before heading inside.”

“Please don’t,” Richie pleads.

Eddie swats at him playfully and Richie winks at him. He marvels at how easy it is to fall back into their usual banter even after years and years of not seeing each other, like nothing has changed.

Well, almost nothing.

Eddie going on his tip toes and placing a small kiss to the corner of Richie’s mouth was definitely new.

“I’ll be right back,” Eddie says, with a soft smile.

Richie nods. “Don’t take too long, Spaghetti man,” he yells after him.

Eddie turns around, his face pinched, “Damn, I had forgotten how much I hated your nicknames!”

“You loved them back then and you love them now!” Richie yelled back, laughing.

Eddie shakes his head before crossing the street and heading to his house to change.

Richie follows him with his eyes, a smile on his face and feeling hot all over, except this time he can’t blame it on Derry’s heated weather.

Later when they had finished eating and catching up on their lives, Lys left the three of them in charge of cleaning up the kitchen while she went upstairs to take a nap.

“I should head back,” Eddie says, once he finishes drying off the last of the dishes, “that car is not gonna wash itself.”

“We should do something tomorrow!” Bev says, excitedly and the two boys nod.

“I was thinking of going to the quarry tomorrow, if the weather is anything like today’s, there’s nothing I’d enjoy more than swimming in some cold water.”

Before Richie could answer, Beverly says, “Richie refuses to go to the quarry.”

Eddie frowns, “Why?

“Now now, Beverly, I didn’t say I refused,” Richie chuckles.

“Your exact words were ‘I refuse to go to the quarry’.”

“I changed my mind,” Richie shrugs.

Beverly rolls her eyes, “I wonder why.” Which makes Eddie giggle and Richie glare at her, “What about sunburns?”

“I’m willing to take a risk if Eddie Spaghetti here offers to rub sunscreen all over me.” Richie says, smirking at him.

Eddie blushes but smirks as well, “Only if you return the favor.”

Richie downright beams at that, “It would be my fucking pleasure.”

Beverly rolls her eyes at the two of them and their shameless flirting.

When Eddie leaves and it's just Beverly and Richie, watching old movies in the living room, he keeps going through the events of that day and makes a mental note to thank his parents, for going on that Royal Caribbean Cruise this summer, Stan, for not letting him crash his romantic break with Patty and Beverly, for letting him come stay with her and her aunt.

Because heat wave or not, this was bound to be the best summer Richie had ever spent in the city of Derry.

Tag list:  @daddyphantomtbh @yes-dillman-yes @richietoaster @beepbeeprichiellc @its-stranger-than-you-think @lemonaayyee @pennys-pet-kitty @thetheatregal @tinyarmedtrex  @sam-i-am2468 @nicoperryy

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