#i hate this body sm whats wrong w it :(((

[glow-in-the-dark-mechanic]

MY BODY HURTS LIKE USUAL BUT STILL GONNA COMPLAIN. why did today my hand literally ACHED and like my fingers got all funny/locked up from HOLDING A GLASS OF WATER :(((((

[melanchol1cs]

LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER, iv.

leon kennedy x religious f!reader

word count: 4.1k summary: god hates what he can’t have. masterlist | taglist | wips

previous chapter

18+ MDNI. DEAD DOVE. themes of religion, manipulation, religious rationalization, age gap(reader is 19, leon is 27), leon being mean for like a split second, kissing, virginity loss, fingering, praise, unprotected sex. this is pretty self indulgent, sorry.

a/n: okay so this might be the last chapter of lambs to the slaughter… i really don’t know how i want to end it so yeah, and i’d rather just wrap this up now that i still like writing about it than force myself to continue with no interest whatsoever. but i do have alot of wips and a few ideas for new series that i look forward to sharing w you guys soon :) thanks so much for the support on ltts, love all of you sm, and hope you all have a great christmas <3

he doesn’t know how it happened or how you ended up here, on the couch, with your arms wrapped around his neck and his hands tangled all up in your hair.

its’s the middle of the week and you went over to his place, like you usually did when your parents were out for work, and now you’re here, your breath hot against his neck and your body pressed close so to his. and it’s all he can focus on. you. you’re all he wants.

the two of you had kissed before, the first time being roughly two weeks ago when you came to him crying, your eyes were red and puffy, and fresh tears were streaking down your cheeks.

the next thing he knew, he had already smothered you with his mouth. it was hard. rough. messy.

when he pulled away, you almost immediately started to complain to him that it was wrong, that the two of you would go to hell for kissing before marriage, and he had to shut you up with another deep kiss before having to talk you through the fact that it wasn’t a bad thing and that the two of you were not gonna go to hell for it, seeing the tears start to swell up in your eyes again.

the coffee mug now sat forgotten on the coffee table, the drink now cold and untouched.

the way your hair feels, tangled between his fingers, as he threads them through the strands.

when he finally pulls back, you're both breathless. your lips are swollen, your hair is mussed, and your clothes are rumpled.

"hey," he reaches up, gently brushing his fingers through the strands of your hair. his other hand slides down your lower back, pulling you flush against him. you're quiet, your eyes fixed on his throat as he speaks. your breathing's harsh, and your body's tense.

“what's wrong?" he asks, his voice soft. you don't answer. can't answer. the words are lodged in your throat, threatening to choke you. all you can do is shake your head.

he kisses you again, his mouth slanting over yours. he shifts you slightly on his lap, so that you're settled on one of his thighs, one leg on either side of it. this new position allows for even closer contact. your body molds against his, fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle. his hands slide up your waist, his fingers gliding over your back, leaving trails of warmth in their wake.

“leon,” you shiver at the contact, his name falling from your lips like a plea.

his hands tighten on your back, fingers digging in just enough to ground you. “hmm?" he asks, his voice soft, but with a hint of something else. his hands move, one cupping the back of your head, the other on your hip, rocking you softly against his thigh.

one of his hands moves to your knee, gently pushing it forward. the action forces you to spread your legs slightly. the other hand's still on your hip, holding you in place. the hand at your knee begins to drift upward and under your dress, fingers dancing on the skin of your inner thigh. you tremble at the touch, your body reacting before your mind has a chance to process what's happening.

"feel good?" he murmurs against your ear, his breath hot on your skin. the question is rhetorical, and he doesn't wait for an answer.

fingers slip further beneath the dress, fingers splaying across your lower back and creeping up towards your bra clasp.

you try to complain, to object, but all that comes out is a stuttering mess. words jumble in your head, and your mouth refuses to form the right sounds. it's almost as if you've lost the ability to speak, overcome by your body's reaction to his touch.

“what’s wrong, baby?”

his fingers reach the clasp of your bra, and he gently unsnaps it. your body betrays you, arching into his touch despite your protests. his fingers find the underside of your breasts, and you jolt at the sensation.

“leon,” you whisper, voice barely audible. “leon, please… don't want to do anything wrong,"

"baby, there's nothing wrong with this," he murmurs, his breath hot against your ear. "do you trust me?” fingers slip under the waistband of your panties, and you tense, ready to push him away.

"please don't..." you shake your head, unable to find the right words to say. "what if... what if god doesn't understand?"

he pauses at your words, considering them for a long moment. "god gave us free will," he says finally, his voice soft but resolute. "and i think he'd be pretty damn disappointed if we didn't use it." his fingers continue probing into your clothed cunt, tracing the lace trim of your panties, his thumb rubbing slow circles on your clit through the fabric. you tremble at the contact, your hips shifting slightly of their own accord.

you arch into the touch, your back bowing, and your breath catches in your throat.

"doll," he whispers, the word is almost lost in the kiss he presses to the sensitive skin just behind your ear. "look at me."

you can't, can't bring yourself to do so. your eyes are screwed shut, and your face is flushed.

"c’mon, baby, open your eyes." he prompts again, his tone gentle. and when you refuse to comply, he stops moving his fingers altogether, leaving his thumb pressed to your clit through the lace of your panties.

the pressure is just enough to make you squirm, a constant stimulation that leaves you teetering on the edge.

he gently takes your chin in his hand and tilts your face up towards his. slowly, almost hesitantly, you crack your lids open, peeking through the slits.

"please," you whine, your voice high-pitched and desperate. failing to hide the need and desperation stirring within you. you can't form words, can't string together a coherent thought with his skilled fingers wreaking havoc on your senses. instead, you let out a feeble whimper, your head thrashing from side to side as pleasure mounts within you.

“there you go,” he coos, as if praising a small child for completing a task.

"see?" you search his face, seeking some sign of deception, but find only sincerity and unwavering devotion. "nothing bad is happening. it just feels good, that's all." your lashes flutter, struggling to obey. and yet, you yield. your body melting into his touch, and your head tilting back to rest against his shoulder. leon's hand slides up to cradle your face, his thumb caressing your cheek as he whispers reassurance against your hair.

"breathe for me, baby," he whispers, his lips brushing against your temple.

"it's alright," he soothes. "i've got you." your head starts to spin, and your heart pounds in your ears. your skin feels too tight, like it can barely contain the heat rising to the surface. his fingers finally find the edge of your panties, and with a swift motion, his thumb rubs against your clit, and you jolt, a strangled moan escaping your lips.

“leon,” you whine out, his name torn from your throat. his fingers continue their assault, rubbing and pressing against your cunt.

he chuckles low in his throat, the sound vibrates against your body. “yeah? you like that?”

you nod, unable to speak.

his tongue plunders your mouth, taking what he wants. you submit to the kiss, your body pliant against him.

you're sprawled across his lap, your legs draped over each other, your skirt riding up your thighs. his hands are everywhere at once, palming your breasts, teasing your nipples, rubbing your clit. you're panting, your breath coming in harsh gasps.

your skin's flushed, your cheeks burning, and your heartbeat's pounding in your ears. "fuck," he mutters, his eyes locked on yours.

two of his fingers swiftly push inside of you, and you cry out, your body bowing off his lap, nails digging into his thigh. he holds you steady, his other hand gripping your hip.

"relax, princess," he coos. "so tense."

you squeeze your eyes shut, your body trembling. his fingers move, sliding against the slick walls of your pussy.

you tremble and shake, your body trembling like a leaf in a hurricane. his fingers move, curling and straightening, rubbing against that one spot inside of you that makes you see stars. "lemme hear you, baby," he prompts. "make some noise for me."

you whimper, a broken, keening sound escaping your lips. he chuckles low in his throat, the vibrations of the sound seeming to reach down and press against your clit. "that's it, such a good little doll f’me. feels good, doesn’t it?"

he's right, it feels amazing. you've never felt anything like it before. his thumb is relentless against your clit, your hands fisting in his shirt. you're lost in a sea of sensation, his fingers and thumb working your cunt like it's the most important thing in the world.

“there you go, baby," he murmurs. "just a lil' more." you're not sure what he's asking for, not really. but you feel it in your bones, in the way your entire body is tightening up like a coil spring.

"lemme hear you," he prompts, his voice low and gravelly.

and then you do. you scream, the sound ripping from your throat as your body convulses and spasms. your vision goes white, and for a moment, you're weightless, floating in a sea of bliss. when you come back to yourself, you're slumped against him, your body limp and boneless. he's still rubbing your clit with his thumb, his fingers still curled inside of you, milking out every last wave of pleasure.

"so pretty when you cum," he breathes, his lips brushing against your temple. "so beautiful.”

you can't form a coherent response, not that you'd know what to say. your brain's gone mushy, and all you can do is sag against him. his fingers slowly withdraw, and you whimper, feeling the empty ache of your spent cunt.

“i wanna try somethin' else," he starts to maneuver you. "c'mon, baby, let’s get this off you," he says, pulling your dress up and off.

you don't protest, letting him strip you naked.

he helps you scoot further up the couch, until you're more reclined, your back pressed against the cushions. he settles between your spread thighs, his body looming over yours.

he positions himself at your entrance, the thick crown of his cock notched against your slit. he pushes forward, and you feel him start to penetrate, your body resisting his invasion.

"aah—“ you whimper, forehead creasing.

"n-no, don’t.." you try to protest, but it comes out as a moan. he chuckles softly, the vibration of his laughter sending shivers through your body.

"’m not doing anything wrong," he reminds you. "think you're forgetting that you’re the one who came to me."

his hands grip your knees, holding them back as he sinks more of himself inside of you. you whine, the sting of the stretch causing you to gasp. but it's a good stretch, like after waking up from a long nap. he sets a slow, deep pace, his hips rocking against yours. your hands reach out, grasping at his shoulders for balance.

"shh, 'm sorry, baby," he grimaces, his pace slowing. "gotta break you in real quick, ‘ts only gonna hurt a bit.”

you try to push against his chest, but he's too strong. he keeps pushing forward, forcing his way into your resisting body. the intrusion is painful, making you instinctively flinch and and jerk away.

"jesus, just fuckin— fucking relax, okay? you're only makin' it worse for yourself,"

he leans down, claiming your mouth in a deep, hungry kiss as he bottom's out, buried to the hilt inside of you. "mmpff—“ you mewl against his lips.

your cunt clenches around him, trying to coax him deeper. he groans into the kiss, the vibration of the sound sending tingles through your body.

he starts to move, his hips rocking against yours in a slow, deep grind. you're still sore, still stretching to accommodate his size, but with each passing moment, the pain fades, replaced by a growing sense of pleasure.

"feels good, doesn't it?" he asks, his voice a low rumble. "i know, dolly. i know,”

he nuzzles against your neck, his lips brushing against your skin as he sets a slow, easy pace. his hands slide up your legs, your thighs, your hips. one hand comes back up to hold your knees, pushing them down to spread you open.

"gonna take my time with you, princess," he murmurs, his lips brushing against your ear. "work you open, nice and slow,”

he's huge, and it hurts, but there's something else, something that makes the pain worthwhile. pleasure, building at the base of your spine.

he sets a slow, deep pace, his hips rocking against yours. your hands reach out, grasping at his shoulders for balance. you take a shallow breath, and then another, your body starting to unclench. he starts to pull back, sliding out of you, and you whine in protest. but he's just switching it up, angling himself and pushing back inside. and this time, it doesn't hurt so much. in fact, it feels downright good.

"you gotta breathe, baby," he pants, forehead pressed against yours. "just f'get about it. breathe."

he kisses you again, the movements slow and languid, like he's savoring something delicious.

you're not sure how long he works you open. it could've been minutes or hours. time seems to blur together into nothingness. at some point, he tilts his hips, and you feel him nudging against a spot inside of you that makes your whole body jerk. he does it again, and again, until you're writhing beneath him, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

"yeah, baby, that's it," he groans, forehead pressed against yours. "show me how bad you want it." you try to speak, to tell him that you don't know what he's talking about, that this is all wrong. but the words won't come.

all that comes out is a keening moan, a sound that's equal parts pain and pleasure. he's still easing you open, stretching you in ways you never thought possible. but it's no longer painful, not in the way it was before.

it's... pleasant. yeah, that's the only way to describe it. pleasant and good and right.

"fuckin’ hell, look at you, baby. takin' it so good, you were made for this, doll. made to take my cock," he starts to speak, his words a stream of praise and nonsense, but you barely register what he's saying. the words are distant, a blur of noise as your focus narrows down to the sensations raging through your body.

his hips are moving in a blur now, slamming into you with a rhythmic intensity that's pushing you towards some unknown precipice. he's saying things, praising you, telling you how good you look, how perfect your cunt is wrapped around his cock.

the words are lost on you, drowned out by the escalating tide of pleasure.

“i knew you'd fit me so good," he pants, his hips snapping harder now, driving deeper. "every inch of you made just for me. so perfect ‘nd pretty. and this perfect fuckin’ cunt... fuck, baby... tightest pussy i’ve ever had…" his words are a blur, a stream-of-consciousness praise that washes over you in waves. you can't process them, not really. all that matters is the feeling of him inside of you, stretching you wide, hitting that spot that makes sparks fly behind your eyes.

your nails dig into his shoulders, your back arching off the couch as he pistons in and out of you, each thrust driving you closer to the edge. your inner muscles are fluttering, clenching around him like a vice, urging him on.

"s'not fuckin' fair," he grunts, his pace faltering for a moment as he fights for control. he's chasing something, you can tell. his movements become jerky, erratic, like he's on the verge of losing control.

"feels too fucking good." he regains his composure, redoubling his efforts until the room is filled with the sound of flesh slapping against flesh and your high-pitched moans.

the pleasure builds and builds, coiling tighter and tighter in your gut until you're sure you'll snap. he's hitting that spot inside of you again and again, and you're teetering on the brink — it's all too much, and yet, somehow, not enough.

"please," you whimper, not even sure what you're begging for.

"yeah, baby?" he prompts, his hips stilling deep inside of you. "whatcha need?" you can't form the words, not really. your voice is hoarse, barely above a whisper. all that manages to slip out is:

"more."

his hips flex, and he slams into you again, the force of his thrust sending you sprawling back against the cushions. you gasp, your eyes widening as he bottoms out once more, his cock buried to the hilt inside of you.

"so greedy," his hips start to move again, slowly at first, but picking up speed as he senses your desperation. "atta girl.”

each thrust jars you to your core, and you can only cling to him, your nails raking down his back as you're fucked into oblivion.

his fingers weave through your hair, holding your head still as his lips trail over your face. he kisses your eyelids, the bridge of your nose, your cheekbones. each press of his mouth against your skin is gentle, soothing, a contrast to the roughness of his lovemaking.

"easy, baby," he coos, his voice a low, rumbling vibration against your ear that seems to seep into your very bones.

his fingers tighten in your hair, holding you as he peppers you face with a series of gentle, soothing kisses. he's a paradox — the way he's caressing you, holding you, so gently, delicately. but the way he’s been fucking you is anything but.

you feel the change in him, a subtle shift in his movements, his breaths. he's close, you realize, and so are you. there’s that coil in your stomach, something that’s warm and fluttering, building towards something you can't quite reach yet.

“leon, leon— feel weird, again..” you stumble on your words.

"weird's good, doll. means you're gettin' there,” he assures. “just... f'get about it. breathe,”

at the same time, he picks up his pace, his hips slapping against yours with a rhythmic intensity that threatens to shake the couch apart.

"gonna cum soon," he warns, his words a guttural groan, his thrusts even more erratic. "when i do, i want you to let go for me, 'kay? just... just fall apart," he buries his face in the crook of your neck, his hot breath washing over your skin.

"gonna fill you up," he grunts, his voice strained. "make a mess of your perfect little cunt.”

and your body responds, as if driven by an outside force. your muscles lock, your back arching impossibly high. your cunt spasms around him, milking his cock for all it's worth as it finally rips through you. a blinding, white-hot rush.

his cock throbs inside you, his hips stuttering against yours as he finally reaches the same peak.

hot strings of cum paint the inside of your walls as he empties himself deep inside you. he stays buried inside of you for long moments after, and you’re not sure exactly how long. but when you finally come down from the high, you find yourself draped across his chest, his hands rubbing slow circles on your back, your sides, soothing you as the aftershocks slowly dissipate.

you're a puddle of warmth and satisfaction, your body splayed beneath his, his softening cock still buried deep inside of you.

you're still limp and pliant in his arms, your breath coming in soft pants against his chest.

he shifts slightly, easing his himself out of you with a soft squelch. you flinch at the sensation, and he notices, his grip on you tightening as he pulls you into his arms. he strokes your hair, your back, your sides, his touch gentle and soothing.

"stay a little longer, alright? just... a little bit more," he asks, his tone sweet and pleading. you blink slowly, trying to clear the haze from your mind. it's hard to think clearly when he's speaking to you like this, his words dripping with affection and adoration.

he's saying things, nice things, telling you how amazing you are, how perfect you are for him, how much he needs you. it's all a blur, a warm, fuzzy haze that surrounds you, envelops you. it makes you feel cherished, special, like you're the only person in the world.

and you feel like you'd do anything to please him, to make him happy.

your mind flits to the clock on the mantle, its numbers seeming to mock you. you should go home, you know that. your parents will be back soon, and you can't afford to be late again.

“leon… i can’t,”

“c’mon, baby," he whispers, his breath hot against your skin. "just a few more minutes,” you swallow hard, your pulse fluttering in your throat. it makes you weak in the knees, it takes everything in you not to give in to his request.

“but—“

his arms tighten around you, holding you impossibly close as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. "please, doll," he murmurs in a low, honeyed tone that seeps into your very bones. "i need you. just a little more time, 'kay?" his words are a gentle persuasion, a tender plea that tugs at your heartstrings.

he's been so gentle with you, so caring. "i'll make it up to you," he promises, his lips brushing against your earlobe. "i'll take you out, wherever you want to go. just... stay with me a little longer, okay?”

the room feels smaller somehow, as though the world itself has shrunk to the space between his heartbeat and yours. your lips part, the beginnings of another protest forming, but the weight of his gaze stops you short. there’s something in his eyes —dark, pleading, a flicker of vulnerability that you can’t quite name.

“okay,” you whisper at last, the word barely audible, a ghost of sound that slips past your lips before you can think better of it.

his face softens instantly, relief washing over his features like a summer tide. “yeah?” he breathes, his smile curling slow and dangerous, like he knows he’s won.

you nod faintly, unsure of what exactly you’ve just agreed to, or why it feels both terrifying and impossible to resist. your thoughts churn, hazy and fragmented, but his fingers are already lacing through yours, grounding you, tethering you to this moment.

“that’s my girl,” he murmurs, his voice a low, velvet hum that sends shivers down your spine. “i knew you’d understand.”

you close your eyes, letting yourself sink further into his embrace. it’s too easy, the way his words coax you into letting go of the worries clawing at the edges of your mind. for now, it feels safe — his arms, his voice, the way he holds you as if you’re something precious, something he can’t bear to let slip away.

he pulls you closer, your head resting on his shoulder, your legs tucked up against him. you can feel his heartbeat against your cheek, steady and strong. "rest, baby," he soothes. "you had a long day.”

tags: @crowleyco @withonly-sweetheart @fanilkychae @clitorphosis

[ambrozjas]

i need ponyboy Curtis headcannons 😭😭😭

ponyboy romantic hc’s ꨄ︎

✧˖*°࿐ notes 🧸ᰔᩚ

im assuming you meant romantic? but if you didn’t, feel free to drop another request in my inbox if you meant platonic or general hcs :)

✧˖*°࿐ warnings ᰔᩚ

nothing much, just pony being a lovesick dork

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

❥ i need to get this off my chest because i KNOW its true

❥ but ponyboy would totally use the first letter of your name for a variable in algebra

❥ you can’t prove me wrong

❥ but anyways

❥ another thing about pony, he loves to read

❥ i fixate on this one hc sm in a lot of my fics, BECAUSE ITS JUST SO CUTE???

❥ whenever you guys wanna go out, darry usually has two-bit come with you guys

❥ but he isnt really a good supervisor considering his drinking habits 😭

❥ pony’s the type of guy who’ll write you poems or cheesy love letters but then scrap them and put them in a box that he’ll never give to you

❥ pony gets moody outta nowhere for like no reason

❥ like one second he’ll be okay and then next he’ll be bitchy

❥ he just gets in a weird mood sometimes i guess?

❥ not the biggest fan of pda considering he wants to look tuff, and isnt the most physically affectionate person either?

❥ i dont mean that as in a “i hate cuddling” way, i mean it in like a..

❥ “too-awkward-to-say-anything-and-is-as-stiff-as-a-board” way

❥ i think reading to you while you lay on him is the best option, so that he has something to take his mind off the fact that your body is on / near him

❥ just your face alone will make this man blush lmao

❥ if it’s after the events of the outsiders, ponyboy will never let go of you

❥ yeah, he’d walk you home before

❥ but after everything happened, he’s constantly on lookout

❥ do NOT feed this man bologna 😭‼️

❥ but anyways back to the cute hc’s

❥ steve, soda, n twobit def make fun of you guys whenever you two are just lounging on the couch

❥ sometimes darry’ll even make a teasing remark about it

❥ if you can’t get along w johnny, you cant be w ponyboy

❥ a lot of dates would probably include johnny actually 😭 (and twobit)

❥ you’d just be at the drive-in, so close to ponyboy your thighs would be touching and he’d lean over and ask

“whaddya think so far?”

“‘s alright.”

❥ and then he’d turn over to the other side and ask johnny the same thing

❥ overall, pony’s a sweetheart

❥ has no idea what he’s doing, but a sweetheart

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ tell me why my sister told me im legit a fem version of ponyboy curtis when i had read the book 😭

kiss kiss ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

[thehypnone]

I just got diagnosed with eds and ill have to pick up some knee braces tmr and im getting sm anxiety bcs I hate the hospital :/

Can I get a rain(and dew maybe?) fic w that exact scenario? I need my brain to chill 😭

i just scribbled something small very quickly in class, didn't want to make you wait, i know the feeling and it sucks. hope you like it and feel better about the whole thing soon. have some silly fluffy raindrop in the meantime

“Droplet?” Rain asked—mumbled—from where he was resting his cheek against Dewdrop’s shoulder.

“Yeah?” They have been stuck in a hospital waiting room for half an hour now. Rain had just gotten an official diagnosis and now the doctor told him to wait to get measured and fitted for knee braces right away. The diagnosis itself, even though a sentence of a kind, was a relief to the water ghoul. To the entire pack. It’s easier to fight back when you know your enemy and the peace of mind once the illness becomes a fact is unmatchable. The diagnosis was good.

But for some reason it was the braces that freaked Rain out.

“This is… weird,” he said, scooting closer to Dewdrop, chasing his warmth. It wasn’t exactly cold in the corridor, it was the hospital’s energy. Rain hated it, it all felt wrong and uneasy and filled him with additional anxiety about the whole ordeal. “The braces– it’s a whole… I dunno, ‘nother level.”

“Yeah, it is,” the fire ghoul agreed as he wiggled his arm from between him and Rain to wrap it around him and hold him close and warm, “but it’s not weird weird. Doesn’t make you weird.”

“I’m not so sure ‘bout that…”

“Would you say that to Zephyr?” Dewdrop asked and Rain bit his lip, his fake accusatory tone causing the water ghoul to smile a little.

“No,” Rain admitted. He brought his hand to play with a loose thread on the fire ghoul’s jeans. The jeans that had seen everything and somehow still were in one piece.

“People are gonna stare. I don’t like that off stage.”

“Exactly! Nothing wrong or weird in all that.” The fire ghoul shrugged, booping Rain’s nose with a finger. It was so cold that a second of contact was enough for Dewdrop to feel it and so he leaned down to kiss the tip of his mate’s nose with his warm lips. “We’re getting you something that’ll help. I am happy about that, even if you have doubts.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Dewdrop confirmed, but there wasn't any worry in his voice. He was confident in all he was saying and he couldn’t have known how much it helped Rain to feel better. “Humans do that, you know, but thankfully I can breathe some fire to take the attention away from you any time.”

Rain snorted at that. “You can’t breathe fire, droplet.”

“Sure I can,” he said matter-of-factly, squeezing the water ghoul against his side. “Besides, with your luck I bet your braces are gonna be the most badass things ever. And with your styling skill you’ll come up with the best outfits for them.”

“I’ll definitely try,” Rain chuckled, not caring about the people walking past them all the time. He leaned his body against Dewdrop’s even more, fully cuddling on the stiff plastic hospital seats.

“What’s that stupid slang thing that Phantom and Aurora use all the time? Oh, I know–” the fire ghoul giggled to himself. “You’ll slay, fish boy.”

“Serve cunt, even,” Rain added as he looked up at his mate and grinned.

“Lucifer, I’m too old for this.” Dewdrop shook his head. They both laughed for a few more moments before Rain’s doctor interrupted them, walking out of his office.

“Ready for the fitting?” he asked.

The water ghoul looked at Dewdrop, received an encouraging nod, and got back to the human. “Ready.”

[blue-jisungs]

Hi! Love your works! I had an idea if you have time to write it. How would the xdh members act/treat you when you're sick? Thank you!

you’re sick ♡

author's note. thank u sm cutie <33 thank u for requesting, i love me some xdh reqs hehe sorry for such a long wait and i hope you enjoy it!! ^_^

warnings. obv mention of being sick, meds

┆彡 GUNIL [ 건일 ]

i feel like he’d panic internally but he would make a top tier nurse

obv hates seeing you in pain so would do everything to help you recover soon

all the time by your side :(

and if he can’t bc leader duties, he’d be sure to facetime you and leave needed meds on your nightstand

but because he cares abt your health sm he can get a bit… serious about it

taking u to the doctor, making sure you eat and take ur meds on time (even if it doesn’t matter), making sure the temperature of the room is right and probably will make sure u don’t tire yourself by watching tv 🧍‍♀️

may or may not sleep on the couch while you’re sick bc he doesn’t want to get sick too :((

┆彡 GAON [ 가온 ]

confused chick.exe

poor bby doesn’t really know what to do :(

you’ll probably end up taking care of urself lmao but he’s there to help

like,, will go to the doctor with you or hand you the meds

or buy them but only when you specifically tell him the name and all the info, even the color of the pills

he’s just scared he’ll buy some kind of wrong meds and you’ll end up getting worse :(

makes the best warm tea tho like <3

but! he’s not scared to sleep n cuddle with you, even when you’re all sniffly 🥹

┆彡 JUNGSU [ 정수 ]

sigh i love him

so so tender and soft and just :((

brushes your hair out of your face when it sticks to your forehead bc of the sweat :((

puts up w all ur moody moments, from cuddles bc you’re cold to listening patiently when you’re whining bc your nose is stuffed

calls him mom to ask for help what to doooo <\\3

brings u her soup (believes it will heal you)

sits w u all day, even if it means getting sick too eventually

┆彡 SEUNGMIN [ 승민 ]

will approach you in a mask and gloves type of guy LMAOO

no but he’s very cautious

however, you’ll get well in no time

knows exactly what’s up and exactly which meds he needs to buy for u

knows all those granny tricks for speedy recovery

and they work too??

will urge u to sleep a lot

now and then will sneak a kiss on your forehead “to check if your body temperature is right”

┆彡 JUNHAN [ 준한 ]

he panics sm gosh but eventually calms down and googles everything

btw he found out that apparently you’ll die in two days bc it’s a heart attack symptoms (a regular cold)

makes sure u take all the meds needed and prepares warm soups n teas

but also if there’s an option to buy a flavoured cough syrup or medicine in general, he’ll pick those in ur fav flavours or those who he thinks won’t taste as bitter :(

will be your personal heater if u get cold

hated seeing u in pain so sneakily will make everything to make u fall asleep,, scratching your back gently, playing with your hair, cuddling…

will not hesitate to throw out used tissues after u blew ur nose and missed the bin

well probably end up sick immediately after u get well so….. how the turn tables,, pls take care of him ^_^

┆彡 JOOYEON [ 주연 ]

madness. chaos. disorder.

probably gets sick like day after you

totally not bc he drink from ur water bottle on accident n such

you just call gunil.

he brings u all the necessities while u cuddle with joo and watch tv or nap

sometimes he’ll make a soup or a warm dish but bc of his stuffed nose majority of the dish is burnt

(he swears he didn’t smell it burning…)

checks ur temperature often tho, wants to make sure it’s not dangerous

good luck sleeping w him tho like,, if u get hot at night he doesn’t care….. he will stick to u as if he was attached by glue

you complain it’s sweaty and gross but he doesn’t really care >:T

[ masterlist <3 ]

taglist.  @geniejunn ,, @luvhyun3 ,, @starlostseungmin ,, @elviransworld ,, @jnks6r ,, @sieunsgf ,, @ethereallino ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @duolingofanaccount ,, @slytherinshua ,, @stxrseungs ,, @ka-ni-ma ,, @iliveforlixie ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @mark-geolli ,, @l3visbby ,, @w3bqrl ,, @ddeonudepressions ,, @yourfavoritefreakyhan ,, @mirxzii ,, @kazmura ,, @primoppang ,, @nfrgirl ,, @crxzs

[itslikesearcingforsomething]

Okay... I want to see if ppl can help me figure it out. This is gonna have slight 18+ mentions ill b as vague as i can but if u dont want to read the rest I understand. I cannot tell if i am bisexual ace or lesbian. I had an ex bf and whenever he would ask me to do those kinds of things id lowkey just get rlly anxious and i was never into it but he was also terrible at everything. I feel like I definitely did like him tho (i think) it was just that kinda stuff that i was like meh. Send help what is this. Anyways he ended up cheating on me with my best friend so i never figured things out but not the point lol.

OMG BABY I’M SO SORRY???? fuck that motherfucker!!!! hate men fr stupid ass bitch LMAO sorry (no i’m not)

so, look, baby. once again, you don’t have to label yourself but i see it’s a struggle for you.

now im gonna talk ab sexual stuff to i warned everyone

a bit of a background on me. i say that i’m lesbian to ppl, but i’m not really opposed to anything, because i definitely believe that sexuality for me at least is very fluid. personally, i don’t view cis men as equals because of the way they socialize and grow up in this system. you can say that i view them as they look at women. i’m not hiding it, i genuinely don’t think there’s anything in their brain. so, i had sex with cis het men, i had yk dates and relationships, all that shit. i always knew that i enjoyed it as a tool. look, a body is a body and you can’t turn off physical shit. saying all that, i never view cis het men as someone i will ever date and spend my life with. we are from completely different worlds and our socialization is so different, we view this world differently because of the system and privileges. every pro feminist cishet man i know is still a misogynist with a lot of privilege. i can’t find them attractive as a person, i can’t really like them as a real person. ask yourself, are you willing to marry a cishet man and spend your life with him? have children (if you want them at all)

now for the sex thing you talked about. it’s okay to be not sure. sucks that you were with a partner that couldn’t please you and satisfy you. i don’t think you liked him physically based on what you said. i think you also might have been uncomfortable and not ready for some things, did you feel like you had to go with the flow perhaps? there’s a lot of factors and you are not weird for being not turned on, whether you’re ace or not. baby, i love sex, but not with everyone who wants me and i slightly like. also, he was terrible so no shit you felt anxious. look, your body is key to everything, he did a bad job, it’s not your fault that you couldn’t be calm and feel good. i had like two situations when i needed to say, dude, no. it was too fast maybe, he didn’t know what to do with you? because men are addicted to corn, i’m sorry. so, don’t have to know everything right now. i think that you need to figure out what exactly you like sexually or are you not attracted to this activity at all. i think it’s better to do it by yourself. and please, stand on your boundaries!!!! tell your partners what to do and how, it’s not wrong, it’s a must!!!! always talk!!!!

also, just a couple of examples of struggling to find out who you’re attracted to, look, i had two cis gay friends (25+) that thought they are gay, but then they met a girl and went w it. totally okay! we are not concepts, we are not terms, we are real creatures that change constantly!!! i wish you well, love!

thank you sm for ask, i hope i did good

bylers, feel safe and free to rant/yapp ab your love problems in my asks <3

[dellalyra]

Family Formation - T W E N T Y

A/N: To the nonnie who requested this I just wanna say ily sm. count this as a stand alone and a sequel to primal !!

CW: blood, anxiety, swearing, fluff, canon typical violence, author taking creative liberties bc I can

Summary: memories, clouded by sleep.

Words: 5k oops

The car pulled into the driveway of the school as Gojo, Geto and Shoko were sitting outside eating lunch, awaiting their classmate’s return from what was meant to be a standard, in-and-out mission. You were already an hour late, but that didn’t concern any of them. You were almost as strong as the boys, and it was only a Grade 3.

However, when the car pulled up, screeching into the parking bay and skidding to a stop with the driver lurching out of the seat and pulling open the back door – shouting for Shoko, three hearts climbed into three throats.

They all stood and raced over to the open car door, expecting the sight of blood, broken limbs and a mangled you – and what they found shocked them even more. Satoru’s face had paled and his speed to the car could have won a record. Now would have been a great time to tease Satoru about his obvious feelings for you, but the other two were just as worried.

You, curled up, sleeping peacefully. Satoru noticed you had your hand tucked under your chin with your jacket acting as a blanket, the exact way you usually slept.

“Ieiri-san! Please! Help!” The driver said, flustered.

“All this fuss to wake her up? Jesus, I know she’s bitchy in the morning, but this seems –” Shoko begins, rolling her eyes as she ducks in to shake her best friend awake.

“She won’t! I can’t! She will not wake up! I’ve tried everything.” The man was shaking.

Sure enough, as Shoko poked your face and tried to rouse you, you didn’t move a muscle. There was no blood, no visible injuries – the driver said you hadn’t reported any injuries to him as you got into the car, you just fell asleep. However, he did mention, in between mumbles, the words ‘special grade’, which made Geto spin on his heel.

“What do you mean special grade? This mission was Y/N’s solo mission to exorcise a grade 3?” His eyes narrowed.

“It was a special grade, exceptionally powerful – it was meant to be grade 3. The information must have been wrong.” He babbled.

Even Satoru and Suguru weren’t sent on solo missions for special grades yet – they were only second years. Satoru’s brain was spinning and spinning like a spinning top, and he couldn’t hear any more words.

“We need to get her into the med bay, Goj – Geto, can you carry her in?” Shoko says.

“I’ll take her.” Satoru pushes past but is quickly stopped by Shoko.

“No - you’re shaking like a leaf, Geto will carry her.” Shoko knew that Satoru’s feelings for you were sending him into a panic, Geto at least had some physical stability.

So Suguru swoops you into his arms (Satoru hates the sight) and begins following Shoko to the infirmary – Satoru beside him, eyes never leaving your frame.

As he leaves you on Shoko’s medical bed, Geto grabs Gojo’s shoulder and ushers him outside.

“C’mon, man, let’s let Shoko work. She’ll be okay for a minute.” The curse manipulator wraps an arm around his best friend’s shoulders and guides him outside.

Or attempts to.

“I’m not leaving her.” He says, with such finality in his usually jovial voice that his classmates don’t question him.

“You can stay, Gojo.” Shoko nods, secretly finding this all sweet.

After about 20 minutes of tests, vitals and physical checks. Shoko concludes that you are, truly, just fast asleep.

However, there is not an ounce of cursed energy left in your body.

At that moment, Yaga steps in.

“I knew you’d all be here. Joined at the hip, all four of you. Shoko, how is she?” He questions.

“She’s – literally sleeping.” She starts and fills in their teacher.

“Yaga – the driver said it was a Special Grade.” Geto asks.

“Yes. It was. What I’m about to say does not leave this room, is that understood?” His dark eyes serious as he leans on the desk near him.

They all nod.

“The mission was assigned to Y/N specially, saying that the curse was well suited to be exorcised by her with the nature, no pun intended, of her cursed technique. She was dispatched this morning, and according to what I’ve found it – it quickly became apparent that the curse was a special grade. The curse trapped her to prevent escape or contacting us for back up. She fought and fought, and eventually managed to defeat the curse, but only while using an extremely powerful Technique inherent to her bloodline. Sunburst, they call it. It takes the remainder of a sorcerer’s cursed energy and expels it from their body in a blast of golden light – evaporating whatever is in their path.” Yaga explains.

“Why was she there alone?” Gojo asks, through gritted teeth. It should have been him; he could have done it – or at least been there to take the brunt for you.

“I believe it was deliberate.” Yaga replies and three heads whip to look at him.

Geto seems to be the one it clicks with first.

“The higher ups.” Geto concludes.

Yaga just nods.

“I suspect this was a ploy from them to find out whether or not Y/N does indeed possess the Sunburst technique, it hasn’t been seen in 300 years, the last wielder was the same woman who wielded her nature spirit conjuring technique.”

Satoru doesn’t think he’s ever felt rage quite like this. An ugly, bubbling, white hot sensation snaking its way through his body, making his hands curl into fists at his sides. His silence is what alerts his teacher and classmates. Satoru is never silent.

The crazed look of murderous intent in his eyes sends a wave of fright into the hearts of the other three, they’ve never seen Satoru look like that.

He moves to stalk out the door, like a wolf hunting its prey. He’s the Gojo clan head, he’s got influence – maybe he can get them to lay off you, stop sending you to your death just because they’re scared of what you could be. Maybe, if he bides his time – if he grows and gets even stronger – he can kill them all. Him, Suguru, you – all of them.

A body gets in his way.

Suguru.

“You’ll only make it worse for her, Satoru. She needs you here, stay with her.”

And he listens. He’ll stay. He’ll always stay.

He’ll always stay for you.

He collapses into a chair beside you and completely gives up caring that there are others in the room as he takes your tiny hand in his and just lays his head beside you on the bed.

The hours blend into one another like paints on a palette as Satoru drifts in and out of sleep, maintaining his position beside you. He’s woken out of his daze by a flick on the forehead, courtesy of one Shoko Ieiri.

“I’ve figured out what’s going on. I rang her mom, who rang her grandma – and I talked to them and went over all of her charts. First of all, good luck to the higher ups because every single member of Y/N’s clan is on the warpath now. Second, it’s actually painfully simple what’s going on - I’m shocked I didn’t see it sooner.” She says, as she softly tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

“You gonna tell us or just keep blabbering?” Suguru says.

“Fuck off Geto. But yes, I’ll tell you, but only if Satoru admits it.” She smirks.

“Admits what?” The boy in question retaliates.

“That you’re in love with her.”

Satoru blinks.

He’s – what?

A moment passes.

“Holy shit.” He screeches.

“Dude - didn’t you not know? Seriously?” Suguru laughs.

“No, I always react like this to everything! Of course, I didn’t know, Suguru!” Satoru hisses, blue eyes wide.

There’s a beat of silence.

“Whelp. No hiding it now. Yep - I’m in love with her and I’m gonna marry her and we’re gonna have a whole army of babies. Thanks guys!” Satoru smiles, shooting two thumbs up at his friends.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Satoru. What’s up with her, Sho?” Suguru rolls his eyes.

“She’s hibernating,” Shoko shrugs.

“What? Like – a bear?” Suguru asks.

“Shoko, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Y/N isn’t a bear.” Satoru adds.

“Jesus you’re both idiots. But yeah – like a bear. Her sunburst technique uses the remainder of her cursed energy. Now Suguru, you’re a curse manipulator, Satoru you have the six eyes and limitless – what do people call Y/N?” She explains, as if explaining math to a 6-year-old.

“The Dryad.” Suguru says, with his hand up like he’s in class.

“Yeah – her clan are meant to be descendants of nature spirits, really ancient ones. Her whole technique is based around nature, yeah? So, when she’s out of cursed energy or her body or spirit is completely exhausted – her body turns to a recharging state.” The brunette girl says as she combs your long H/C hair and settles it into a loose braid.

“So… like a phone? When you use all the battery and then plug it in to charge and it takes a few minutes to turn back on?” Satoru puzzles, head cocked to the side like a curious puppy.

“N- actually, yeah. Good job, Gojo – you said something smart.” She pats his head, and he smiles, Suguru just laughing at the scene.

They all just sit as Shoko finishes your hair, then takes out a small pink bag from beside her – one the boys recognise as yours. A small tin is opened, and she dabs a finger into the creamy gel inside it and applies it to your lips, then takes out a tube and squirts some onto your face, rubbing it in gently.

“This bitch would kill me if she wakes up without her skincare done I swear.” Shoko giggles.

There’s a beat.

“How long?” Gojo asks, shoulders slumped. It had only been hours and he missed you already, your silly jokes and your enthusiasm for everything – his partner in chaos. Fuck, he really was in love with you.

“A few days, probably.” Shoko shrugs, she doesn’t seem worried – but Shoko never seems worried.

They sit and chat for a while, and then Shoko checks you one final time as her and Geto prepare to leave. Satoru stays put.

“C’mon, Satoru. It’s late.” Geto squeezes his best friend's shoulder.

“What? No. I’m staying with her. I’ll stay in the other hospital bed.” His eyes were steely. The other two knew there was no dissuading him, not when he decided he was doing something. Spoiled, maybe – In love with you, definitely.

The days went like that, Satoru would only leave to eat or bathe or train. Then he’d be with you, Suguru would be there 70% of the time too – his honorary baby sister wasn’t gonna wake up alone. Shoko would fuss over you, in a very Shoko-esque fashion of pretending to be calm.

Then on day three, you stirred – lips curving into a smile as you saw both of your hands were occupied on either side – Satoru’s fingers entwined with yours on your left and Suguru’s hands encasing yours on the other side. They were both asleep. Suguru had his head on the bed beside your legs and Satoru was snoozing on your shoulder. You let out a small laugh.

“Good morning, sleeping beauties.” You sang.

They both jolted up.

“You’re awake!”

“Don’t ever do that again, you had us worried sick!”

Satoru basically flung himself at you while Suguru pressed a kiss to the crown of your head, before grabbing Shoko.

When he left and it was just you and Satoru, you thought for a second maybe you’d died and gone to heaven because of this angel beside you – hair alight in the fluorescent gleam of the infirmary and a look in your eyes that you would have seen reflected in your own had their been a mirror. Pure, true love.

Still sleepy, you squeezed his hand.

“Hi, ‘toru.”

Your words were slurred with sleep but his heard had never swelled more than hearing this new nickname.

“Say that again.” He smirked.

“Hi Satoru?”

“No, say it how you said it first.”

“Hi, ‘toru.” You smiled, realising the smile on his face was from your impromptu nickname.

“There we go. If we’re doing new names, then you need one too.” His eyes lit up.

“What’s it gonna be then? Suguru already calls me lil’ lady.” You smile, rubbing your eyes free of sleep.

“Only thing it could be. So, how you feelin’, Princess?” His smile as he christens your new name would make your knees weak if you weren’t laying down. His princess. You liked that. It fed into your delusions that maybe, just maybe, he might be as in love with you as you are with him.

You let out a giggle and the flush of your cheeks send Satoru spiralling.

At that moment, the other two come back into the room.

“There’s my girl, how you feeling?” Shoko asks.

“Kinda stiff, but not too bad. What happened?” You ask, stretching your limbs which are heavy with sleep.

“After the special grade – a whole other issue, which Yaga and your mom are dealing with –” she rolls her eyes.

“Oh no.” You interject, your mom is gonna be pissed. You nearly pity the higher ups.

“That’s what I said. Your use of your trump card caused you to lose all cursed energy – and given the root of your technique, your body decided to hibernate.” She said, checking your vitals as she spoke.

“Oh – so like, a phone recharging?” You ask, and the other three descend into howls of laughter that your brain immediately saw the same correlation as Satoru.

12 Y E A R S L A T E R

The strong arms clad in white still held onto you with a vice like grip – the smaller hands, smelling of smoke were acting as the comfort, petting your head and shielding your eyes.

The sons shaking your body were enough to cause an earthquake if you hadn’t been so utterly exhausted already, nothing was registering.

There was only word thought, one word, one feeling circulating your body right now.

Satoru Satoru Satoru Satoru Satoru Satoru Satoru

You vaguely felt cold hands cup your cheeks and guiding your head to look at the so far nameless and faceless person.

Dark brown eyes stared back at you.

Shoko.

“He’s okay. Satoru is okay, Y/N. He’s fine. He’s alive. Don’t look at the screen, but I saw him heal - he’s alive.” Her own usually steady voice sounded breathless.

Satoru Satoru Satoru sa-

Alive.

You registered the words. You tried to turn your head to where the screens are but a larger hand keeps your head facing away. Big hands, soft, warm.

Kento?

No.

Dead.

Suguru?

No.

Dead.

You try to look up, and a face you know looks down at you.

Choso. Yuuji’s brother Choso. Safe.

You trust him. You trust Shoko. You sit there, you can’t move, imprisoned and most of your fight was gone. You couldn’t look. One of them would die.

Nobody wanted you to see that.

Your empty eyes and shallow breathing and shivering form would terrify onlookers, if they weren’t busy facing the screen.

Just as your body began to come down from its fight or flight reaction, it happened.

A gut wrenching, deep, blood curdling scream that shook the very foundations of the building once more.

The arms around you slackened and left altogether and you collapsed to the floor, your head following the bodies movement. It stopped and scooped a crumbled heap of pink into its arms.

Pink. Pink.

Yuuji?

No. No no no no no no no.

Your body knew first before your brain did, and the chorus of the incessant song began again with different lyrics.

Megumi megumi megumi megumi megumi my baby megumi megumi my baby meg

You scrambled to your feet and physical intuition took over and you just about made it to the door before your body froze and wouldn’t move no matter how much you fought.

‘Stop.’ That voice.

You could turn around, and what you saw felt like betrayal.

Inumaki.

Just as your body slackened as his words effect faded another pair of arms caught you. You knew this time who it was, Yuuta held you close to him. You fought and screamed and kicked and scratched to try and push your way out.

“Yuuta let me fucking go! Let me go! I have to – I have to get out! I have to get to them! Fuck Yuuta let me go, now!” You roared, but the figure didn’t budge. He could hold you himself, he’d gotten stronger over the last year, not that he needed it – your fights seemed fierce in your head but all ferocity had been expended in your earlier attempt to get to your husband. Hakari, Maki, Kusakabe and Choso were all trying (and failing) to restrain Yuuji.

Megumi Satoru megumi Satoru megumi Satoru megumi Satoru megumi my love my baby my love my baby megumi Satoru

Please

The world was getting fuzzy.

You kept going, and struggling until he felt you slacken. Broken sobs. That’s all you had now. Just empty, hollow sobs.

It was haunting. He tried to comfort you, but what comfort could he be when he himself had no idea what happened.

That was, until the opposite door swung open.

Through the ringing of your ears, you didn’t hear the cacophony.

But you felt the hands.

The hands.

Your eyes dart up the arms, scars, scars?

Pale skin, trailing up to bloodied black fabric – shredded.

Pale neck, also bloodied.

Eyes. Crystal blue eyes. Those eyes.

Your whisper, unsure if this was a hallucination.

“‘Toru?” You reach fingers to his cheek.

“It’s me, Princess.” He smiles.

“Are you real, ‘toru?” Comes out in a breath.

“I’m real, ‘Princess. I’m here.” He presses his hands to your face, kneeling on the ground beside you.

You let out a wail, because he was here, and he was alive. Your beautiful boy. You run your hands all over his face, his blood mingling on your skin, and his neck and his arms – torn flesh freshly scarring. Scarred, bloodied, alive. You wail into his skin as your glassy eyes reach to meet his, and his smile is the last thing you see before it all goes dark.

Satoru feels you go limp in his arms, he doesn’t panic, your eyes are closed – he knows what’s happened. His pretty girl, so tired.

A dark-haired body is cradled across the room by his pink haired love, with his oldest surviving friend providing the best medical attention that can be found.

He lifted you into his arms, your tiny form nestled against his chest. He motioned for the other boy – another one reunited with his love, to do the same. You all needed rest.

The warmth of your temporary home enveloped the people who entered it. Touches of you, everywhere. Even a vase of what he know to be Tsumiki’s favourite flowers (daffodils) on the windowsill.

He separated from Yuuji and Shoko, and their bundle of limbs and blood and took you into one of the bedrooms, carefully laying your sleeping form into the bath, stripping your bloody clothes, covered in ashes away from your scratched skin. He hissed as the water touched some freshly healed wounds, as sat with your back between his legs, against his chest. He could have just wiped you down. It would have been easier. But he needed your closeness, even in your sleep. Your comfort, your heat, your scent – he needed it. Fighting your adopted son to kill the demon inside him would never be easy. He thinks how far you’ve come together, from your first hibernation when he refused to leave your side, to now.

The door swings open, and shameless as ever, Shoko walks in and without care for water or any of her usual exterior, wraps both him and you into her arms.

“Thank you, Satoru. Thank you for coming home.” She whispers. She then helps him clean your wounds, and assesses his scars as you both continue to soak. Shoko had delivered your son, there was no worry of lack of clothing here.

She then excused herself to return to the spare room, the other couple also resting there’s a mirror image. Both exhausted, one awake, one unconscious.

Satoru lays you in bed, wraps you in blankets and then kisses your head before leaving to go to the next room over. He had duties to attend to now, he needed to check on our boy.

You felt a crack of sunshine creeping through your eyelids and groaned a little at the brightness, you turn in your half-asleep state and your arm meets a solid plane. You jolt, remembering where you are, why you’re here and who this is.

He’s already looking at you.

Crystal blue eyes smiling down at you, and you are jolted twelve years into the past.

No words need to be said between you.

“Hi ‘toru.” You whisper.

“Hi princess.” He replies.

You lunge at him and wrap your arms around his neck, feeling every flex of every muscle and huff of every breath as you capture his lips in yours.

“I thought I’d lost you.” You croak, through fresh tears.

“Impossible, did you forget? I’m the strongest.” He winks, which makes you let out a breathy laugh.

You kiss and when you pull away you look him in the eyes.

“‘Toru. I’m scared to ask. Just please know, if – if you had to do it. I don’t blame you. Just, tell me the truth.” You whisper, voice broken.

He smiles at you; glad he’d sent the text to the other bedroom as he felt you stir.

“Come with me, Princess.” He says, guiding you to your feet.

You follow him along, coming to a stop at the next door over the hallway.

He puts his hand on the handle, and as he pushes, he leans down to you.

“Now, try not to smother the kid, sweet girl.” He lets out a laugh at this.

The door opens.

You nearly collapse again.

On the bed, awake with a book in his hand and almost a mummy with bandages around him, free hand entwined with the boy beside him – is your son.

You let out a sob and just sprint across the room, tossing yourself onto the bed with complete abandon, all cognitive thought flying out the window because your boy, you little boy was alive and well and Satoru fucking did it.

Arms wrap around you as a book fall to the floor and two baritone laughs echo out, one from the bed beside you and your son and the other from the doorway.

You pull away, tears cascading like Niagara Falls down your face, you clutch the boys' cheeks in your hands around examine him, still sobbing.

“I’m okay, mama.” Megumi’s hands grab your wrists to reassure you.

“Oh my baby boy, I didn’t know – oh god. My sweet boy. I should’ve never let you out of my sight. I’m so proud of you. My strong, amazing boy.” His head is pulled into you chest, and for once he doesn’t argue, just breathes in the scent of his mother, and the feel of her sweater on his battered skin.

“Thank you, mama. You and dad. You kept your promise. You came for me.” You suck in a breath, you’ve no idea how he heard your promise you and your love had made that night on the balcony to get your boy – but he did.

Yuuji goes to stand up to leave you two alone, but your hand reaches out like a cobra and with unnerving strength for someone your size you pull him down to join the cuddle pile.

“Satoru get your ass and all of them eyes over here.” You manage a laugh as you pull him to you.

He lets out a booming laugh and joins you all on the bed.

Recommended Listening:

Softcore - The Neighbourhood

Goner - Twenty One Pilots

Don’t Blame Me - Taylor Swift

TV - Billie Eilish

Home - Edith Whiskers

[2demondogs]

Hiii!!! I love ur writing sm and I love love love how you write Arthur. (Yes I am the same anon from the Arthur x m!reader affair </3)

Anyways I was wondering if you could do some hcs with reader questioning their gender (afab) and just having Arthur as a crutch to help them through it yk? Ik it doesnf fif the time period, but ive jusg been needing an extra boost 🫶

if nkt thafs okay!! ilysm 🫶

Hello and thank you again :D Absolutely! And nah, it fits. We've always been here dude, just under different names. Hope this himbo gives u a little comfort <3

Relationship w/ Arthur isn't defined, but is close. Reader gender is also just questioning, some implications of dysphoria, not otherwise defined.

Arthur isn't going to entirely understand it, I'll just be straight up. It's less of an issue of it being uncommon and more of an issue of he doesn't precisely feel that way himself. But he's met too many people to have learned to hate those he doesn't understand, and he likes you too much to turn back on it over this.

He will listen, always. He's usually shoehorned into listening to others, just because he has a face that makes people want to tell him things. Arthur cares about you, though, and he'd rather you talk to him than anyone else given the subject matter. If anything, he likes to learn about the way other people think, even when it's not exactly happiness.

In a sense, he can understand the broader strokes. Being uncertain where you stand in life, not feeling connected to your body, disassociating to ignore the discomfort, that overwhelming sensation of there being something just plain wrong with you— Arthur's been there for different reasons, but he's been there nonetheless and goes there now and again, still.

It will take him a while, but once he realizes you're ready to spill your vulnerabilities with him, he'll offer a few of his own in return. Usually it's a more honest answer if you ask him how he is, or sharing one of his own issues when you confide him for comfort, hoping it will show you he's not invincible either.

Arthur is a little awkward, though. He's just trying to make sense of what you're saying in his own way, but out loud he honestly sounds like he's just yapping sometimes. He's a little confused but he's got the spirit. Thanks for sharing Arthur, not sure now is the right time to talk about that time you lied about catching fish and bought them instead. I'm sure this was related somehow in your brain though.

Similarly, he does try to help. If you don't want advice, you're gonna have to tell him to not give it. He thinks it's what he's supposed to offer if he wants to help you. Whether it's how to present a different way or something you can do to get your mind off of things, he'll try his best to think of something.

[psychewritesbs]

Been reading your opinions on the boy of all time megumi and can I just say firstly, thank you for being so good w words BC man you get his character so well and you're so good at getting into all the little details abt him that I can never properly describe to ppl, Like, the whole breaks the trope while following the trope thing?? YOU GOT THAT ALL SO CORRECT THATS EXACTLY IT IT'S ONE OF THE REASONS I LOVE HIS CHARACTER SM BC EVEN JUST RIGHT OFF THE BAT HE BREAKS THE USUAL STOIC BROODING CHARACTER TROPE(THE trope) BY ACTUALLY CONSTANTLY SHOWING although subtly THAT HE DOESNT HATE EVERYONE?? im getting way off track already i actually popped in here to just ask abt how you think the whole sukuna possessing megumi thing will all turn out?? I honestly feel like slapping myself for not seeing it coming tbh like they talked about the head of the six eyes and ten shadows battling it out to the death before and sukuna kept on hyping up megumi like they were so obviously setting that up there and I just. Denied. But I'm just asking BC personally I think that it would really show the final steps of growth for megumi's character if he is actually able to surprise sukuna, even for a little, and come back from the depths of where ever tf he is rn bc yk his whole issue w/ self worth and what he believes he's capable of and I just wanted to know what you think the best outcome for his character would be? Sorry this is such a mess I just have so many thoughts zooming around my brain and I'm trying to...make them make sense...

ITS THE MEGUMI LOVE!!!! Yessssss. Thank you for sending me Megumi love! I love getting Megumi love 🫶🏼.

Man, Megumi is just such a good character. Truly one of Gege's best. Everything he's done with him from how his character is based on the trope while also subverting the trope, to his backstory and his growth arc and how it's been executed... It's poetic justice.

I love Megumi so much, and any time I see someone hate on Megumi for really shallow or toxic reasons I just lose all faith in humanity. It's one thing to not care for him as a character and quite another to dislike him for being a "disappointing deuteragonist" because he's "weak", "hasn't had character development", and "did not master 10 Shadows"..................................................

Bruh...

ANYWAYS 😂 you see... this is the thing... I am trying really hard not to speculate about what might happen regarding Sukuna WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I'M GOING TO SPECULATE BECAUSE I LOVE SUKUNA BUT FUCK SUKUNA!

ehem. More of me not being normal about Megumi under the cut.

Ok in all seriousness... with chapter 230 and how Sukuna forced Megumi to take the brunt hit of Unlimited Void, something shifted in me.

For some time I've been reluctant to make any predictions about Megumi coming out alive because I don't want to have preconceived expectations coloring my weekly reading experience, but mostly because, like Megumi, I have a tendency to bunt instead of swinging for the fence so as to not experience disappointment. Read this to mean I don't want to get my hopes up about Megumi surviving.

That is not to mention that I took Sukuna possessing Megumi's body personal. idk, something about seeing Megumi lose his agency felt both so wrong and yet so right on a metaphorical level. Wrong because DAMN YOU SUKUNA GO BACK TO YOUR BODY! and right because... as you said, Megumi had it coming both from a narrative and psychological perspective.

From then on, we just saw him sink deeper and deeper into learned helplessness and despair, culminating on this beautiful image of him in the fetal position.

Truly a reversal of ego back into the metaphorical mother (the unconscious) as though he was in the birth canal waiting for rebirth. And come to think of it, in the Japanese fandom, one of the more popular theories revolved around "birth" or something like that.

So with ch. 230, my hope for Megumi is renewed somehow. A lot of people think he's done for, especially after UV. But I'm on camp #this is going to backfire badly on both Gojo and Sukuna... or at least I hope it does.

So....

I'm just asking BC personally I think that it would really show the final steps of growth for megumi's character if he is actually able to surprise sukuna, even for a little

EXACTLY! And see, this is the thing, I don't want to see Megumi be saved by anyone other than himself. If Megumi is saved by others, then he didn't learn his lesson.

Basically, Megumi has taken Tsumiki's place as the Sleeping Beauty that is in need of rescuing. He's become a passive agent in his own life, which is exactly what gave Sukuna an opening.

If Gojo or Yuji, or anyone for that matter, comes in and saves Megumi without Megumi putting up a fight, then this whole growth process is metaphorically and literally aborted.

Like you, I personally think that this period could be a metaphorical gestational period for Megumi and I wonder if he's going to reach a tipping point where the anger he feels is stronger than the learned helplessness or something like that.

I just wanted to know what you think the best outcome for his character would be?

ALL THAT TO SAY THAT YES. Sukuna might be my other fave, but I am looking forward to either Megumi giving him a hard time or straight up beating the crap out of him.

Megumi has earned that privilege.

Right now, I am wondering how UV has affected Megumi's brain and what that will mean for his behavior. My hc is that his negative self-image is partly due to "reason". In other words, reason = his sense of self as the story he tells himself about himself.

But Megumi levels up because of imagination. Now that he's been hit by UV (I understand it's been 5 times?), how has being flooded with infinity affected the left (reason or logic, analytical) hemisphere of his brain?

Another idea I've been keeping quiet about is that part of the rebirth process involves moving through hell and up into heaven (a la Dante's Divine Comedy as a metaphor for a process of initiation or enlightenment). Megumi right now is sinking in hell as he comes face to face with inner evil.

So can we expect him to come back up? Will Beatrice make a cameo? I'm looking forward to whatever the cursed cat is cooking.

I just have so many thoughts zooming around my brain and I'm trying to...make them make sense...

ahaha, same tho.

Hey thanks again for the Megumi love, the kind comments, and for stopping by! Here's to hoping Gege does bring our boy back 🙌.

[jjsventblog]

Tw: emo ramblings, mentions of $h, m1@, 4n4

Had the most absolutely deliciously mentally draining argument to date with my boyfriend. I (bpd) split on him and almost told him to jump off and starve himself which is literally what we were arguing about. I was pissed because I ate so much today (purg3d most of it) and then he’d eaten a single hazelnut. As selfish as it is. I hate him having an eating disorder. Like go eat you dumb fuck what the hell is wrong w you. Don’t be better at my own disorder than me what the hell-? He got mad at me and I’d alr relapsed atp. Then I told him I’m not gonna let him starve and he js said ‘watch me’. Still hate him for it. Like ok then fuck you too I guess go starve yourself see where it gets yu. Nowhere. Exactly. Ky$. Literally going to go on a fast for as long as I can js to spite him <3

But oh god I love him. If he does anything else to hurt himself I might go insane. I know he relapsed. He’s so fucking obvious about it too. He ain’t slick. Gives me a good enough reason to because I was getting bored of this.

Plus I binged sm like idc if it was purg3d like…I need to get this disgusting fat off my body. Maybe if I’m skinny he’ll love me. I can’t wait till he has a reason to be concerned because you can literally see my ribs and I look like a dead porcelain doll. I want him to beg me to eat something. I want people to offer me things because of how dead I look. I want to be skinny. I will be skinny. I am better than them. Everyone. Gonna relaps3 dummy hard for the next 48 hrs so I can get some deep cvts in <3

[oathofkaslana]

gay hi3 moments from the top of my head (some details inaccurate) also some of these are awful and i hate them ok i need it to be known i dont like all of these.

kiana counting down how long it’s been since she’s seen mei to the minute.

the “i gain the power of 100 men when mei’s around!”

bronya seele kiss in azure waters where seele goes "i gave you my first kiss sm sm" and im pretty sure makes her promise to give one to her when they reunite

FUCK. COOKING W VALKS MANHUA WHERE SEELE GOES "the sea is so beautiful i feel like i could stare at it forever" AND BRONYA GOES "duh because the water is azure blue. just like your eyes" AND GOES LIKE AN INCH IN HER FACE.

i feel like i have to put everything in azure waters oh my god i feel sick i miss them so much.

kiana licking mei’s wound in escape from nagazora

kiana and mei in a hot spring and kiana touching mei’s boobs saying she’s been wanting to. i think also in escape from nagazora.

kiana getting unnecessarily jealous over bronya whenever mei shows her any attention

bronseele ad where bronya complains about having her license revoked and seele going “good! now i know you’re not picking up other girls”

lament of the fallen. (COME ON. COMPARED TO EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD, YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT????)

kiana and mei being compared to a canonical m/f couple, owl and ana.

shakespeare mentions how it’s interesting to see real couples play a part and one of the couples being bianka and rita in durandal’s visual novel.

speaking of that play. biankas cgaracter makes a line about having sex w his wife (played by rita) and rita teases bianka about wanting it afterwards and bianka blushes

biankas one birthday cutscene where the narrator was talking abt how there’s this feeling she can’t put into words and how captivated she is by rita’s radiant smile ← GET A ROOM!!!!!

elysia calling her fight w mei a first date

eden saying that forever being apart of elysia makes her happy because its the most romantic ending

mei saying her favorite colors are orange and red (kiana and her's key colors)

mei coming back to the elysian realm after briefly talking to kiana and eden and elysia both notice how much happier she is and elysia goes "tell me about her" (HER.)

elysia voice. i like pretty girls.

every single elysia and kiana interaction in ch 34 idc if its mei's dream ("im so weak for pretty girls like kiana" "unless kiana prefers something more bold like purring in my arms" <- WHAT IS WRONG W HER!!!!!!!!!!!!)

natasha intenbtionally taking her hood off after mei told her that elysia says she doesnt meet natasha bc of her hood

elymei horn scene.

mei dreaming about having a japanese wedding with kiana.

kiamei matching rings named after chinese numbers symbolic of love that were given out for white day.

kiamei stigmata showing them getting married that was given out for valentines day.

reburn kiss where kiana kisses mei's battered mech while crying after i love you in german flashes on screen.

kiana going "this treasure called love" and immediately getting a text from mei.

"this is a story about love it will end with love" as kiana and mei walk with each other past durandal and rita to meet with bronya whos with seele AS CANON IN D STARTS PLAYING. YK THE FUCKING MARRIAGE CEREMONY SONG.

SAKUKALLEN KISS IN COOKING WITH VALKYRIES

theresa thinking sakura (a woman) kissed her and going "wait! im not like kiana and mei!"

kallen voice "the herrscher girl is innocent and i am in love with her"

^upon learning that kiana blushing and going "theres onthing wrong with falling in love with a herrscher!" while thinking of mei

moon shadow where kiana's heart starts racing bc she thinks fu hua's fallen in love with her and the wlw symbol is drawn behind her as she blushes and says "ive given my body and soul to mei but--"

fu hua later being teased by a coworker who suggested that hua likes kiana

sakukallen "love at first sight" line in sakura samsara

HELP THAT ONE EVENT WHERE VELIONA SLAMS BRONYA ONTO A WALL TO INTIMIDATE HER AND BRONYAS BLUSHING AND AS VELI'S YELLING AT HER, EINSTEIN WALKS OUT, SEES THEM, AND GOES, "sorry for interrupting, have fun"

also in that same event, bronya blushing and avoiding seele the next day and going "sorry bronya cant forget because thats a precious memory for bronya"

susannah fawning over durandal, rita, and sushang

susannah talking about how pretty sushang is and how she likes her voice i hate them oh my god susannah get up

tesla being jealous of welt joyce when ein teasingly gives him special attention in the visual novel

tesla getting jealous when planck (i think) hugs ein tightly and kisses ein on the head

tesla edison fingering joke after edison sniffs her neck.

bronya's bridge interactions w seele. my god i love them so mcuh.

sakura and kallen having heart reactions when you put them in bed next to each other

sakukallen "yae sakura shall fade, beloved, your kin shall live. in the far east 500 years ago where sakura blossoms bloom, yae sakura waits for her one true love"

gratitude arc where kallen loves sakura so much that protecting sakura becomes a part of the oath she genetically passes on to theresa

the 4koma on the sight where kiana and mei are told to get a room, apply for a marriage certificate(? i think), and have heart eyes towards each other while the wlw signs are behind them

kiana voice "this has nothing to do with me going lesbo!!!"

4koma kiana voice "im a lesbian everyone knows that"

elysia and aponia's "girl games"??????????? <- on thin ice but cmon no way that wasnt an innuendo

elysia's interaction w HoO mei where she talks about wanting to touch a particular thing but gets cut off by mei telling her she cant touch her horns again (SHE DOES NOT HAVE HORNS IN HER HoO SUIT)

kiana smiling when she sees mei's boobs in the anniversary vlog short thing.

the shenzhou island event where kiana points a camera at mei's boobs and goes "hehe mei is so pretty"

durarita matching earrings in their matching battlesuits

and ok im blanking now yay this is definitely not all when i say off the top of my head i really mean off the top of my head.

[the-darkness-does-not-bargain]

lmao that’s making me picture fallenhalo playing minecraft and everytime they hole up in a cave to wait for morning ava’s like “aw doesn’t this remind you of when we first met 🥰” “back when we hated each other and only tolerated each other because it was mutually beneficial? yes” “I didn’t hate you! also you tried to kill me, i wouldn’t call that tolerating” “I wasn’t trying to kill you, because if i was you’d be long dead. I just stabbed you a few times” *cue more ava & lilith flirting via bickering and beatrice in the corner totally not rolling her eyes, half in exasperation, half in a bit of jealousy that she’s in denial about, doing her own thing in minecraft because ava & lilith keep dying*

also ava & lilith are gonna notice beatrice being all grumpy wolf in the corner in a few seconds and beatrice is gonna regret even feeling exasperated because ava & lilith are gonna flirt w and fluster her to death and yes this is far too frequent thing that happens for beatrice’s poor easily overwhelmed gay heart

thinking ava had just accepted diego’s loss after trying to find him (it’s ambiguous about whether he8s dead or not but regardless ava hasn’t found him and she won’t ever for a long long time) so hence her moping around in a cave when lilith finds the cave

ava’s just trying to distract herself and bring a sense of normalcy she’s lacking atm and she ups the “100% purely only goofy guy” mode up to a thousand

meanwhile lilith is already inherently distrustful of ava given she seems to be almost completely human save for her immortality and those type of immortals are often super shady because most of em did horrendous shit to get and/or keep their immortality, esp since she has personal experience w related stuff, which plays a big part into how lilith became a vampire, and lilith’s whole general, lilithness, so they get off the wrong foot ag least

‘

it’s a lot better than in canon probably given while their dislike of each other kinda spans over a few years, (whitcg to them was super short period of time) they probably don’t really involve any pther people other than themselves, at least not when there’s a risk of them (other people) getting seriously hurt, and like lilith said, they genuinely weren’t trying to kill each other, even when their dislike was at the highest esp because they could help each other + they wanted the company

either they probably stay in the same vicinity of each other (same country) but don’t spend time w each other, except/or for when their paths grow and they begin to like each other more, they stay togeyher lonher, but are in denial about it

regardless, probably lilith almost dies ala s1, and that’s when they realize that oh hey, they’d kinda be more than a bit devastated if the other died actually, which is when they begin sticking together almost all the time and/or acknowledging how much they mean to the other more

re: ava’s immorality origin, i’m just going schrodinger’s origin w it tbh, any and all origins are open and close at the same time

have the mental image of Beatrice being such a lil grumpy wolf when lilith and/or ava haven’t been hanging out enough w bea, esp (esp esp pre relationship) if it’s because they’re preoccupied w each other or something and later on when she’s less repressed and more secure in her relationship w lilith & aba (platonic and otherwise) she’s probably lowkey a lil shit about it. gets her work and plops her whole wolf self down onto ava or lilith’s lap and when they’re like ‘can i move” beatrice is like “i can’t because i’m busy w my work rn and taking the time to move would distract me from it” Or something like that

vv black cat in the body of a wolf energy

ava absolutely buys her clothes based on what bat lilith will like to snuggle in or cling to the most, and later on wolf beatrice as well

and also just in general bc beatrice & lilith are very sensitive sensory wise (i am shoving autistic beatrice & lilith in because they both have sm vibes esp lilith who’s whole arc could be vv easily read as a bit of a metaphor for it)

lilith when she still dislikes beatrice like:

Flirting over minecraft, I'm dying lmao. And yes, Ava and Lil have had thousands of years to perfect their special brand of "being a little shit" antics, usually for use on each other, but now that Bea is available? Prime target. Pray for her.

Yes, I would expect that she started living in the cave possibly because that's where she met Diego too. So she was holding out hope that he would come back, only to get Lilith instead (for the best, of course). I've been thinking more about werewolves in this setting and how they came to exist, and I think maaayyybe whatever is going on with Ava is also linked to or is even the source of werewolves (the idea is simmering, I'm playing around with Ava possibly being responsible for turning Diego into the first werewolf by accident, through magical nonsense). Either way, yes she's devastated and trying to distract herself in any way she can, meaning Lilith's arrival helped her on multiple fronts.

If Lilith knew about immortals beforehand or maybe just legends of them, then she would be distrustful at the start, especially when Ava refuses to give her a straight answer on how she came to be immortal. But necessity and strange bedfellows and etc. etc. Ava helps Lilith survive until she can safely leave the cave and then Ava... just sort of follows her, to Lilith's annoyance and dismay. She keeps her distance for awhile, but then gradually gets closer until maybe Lilith has a dangerous moment where she's really hurt or about to burn in the sun and Ava rescues her. They aren't planning their honeymoon anytime soon but they recognize that they are better off with each other than alone.

When Beatrice gets her paws under her, she'll return their antics with her own. Her biggest hits include laying her 300-lb. furry self in front of the door whenever the other two try to leave, forcing Lilith to pick her up (strategic cuddling) and pinning one or both of them under her and then falling asleep (strategic napping).

That graphic put a stitch in my side, bat!Lilith has me dying! It's what she deserves <3!

[ghosttotheparty]

another vent bc the universe is testing me lately (cw disordered eating and just general negativity bc i’m going through it)

i am so anxious!!! i’ve been taking my meds!!! but my third year starts this month and idk wtf i’m doing w my life!!

why am i studying art i don’t even have a consistent art style; but i don’t have ANYTHING else i could possible do

my gender is going bonkers and i wanna kinda transition but i just want to be more androgynous but idk how i could do that and i’m not even out to my parents and idk if i ever will be bc my dad is Not an ally to trans ppl but i love him so much and he loves me so much but idk if he’d still love me the same if i came out to him

there’s drama in my friend group and two of my close friends aren’t friends anymore and it’s been a while coming but it still sucks and idk what to do bc i love them both sm but i am so on one side bc the other is so in the wrong but idk how to tell her without her getting mad

i still haven’t made an appt to see the surgeon ab my cyst and im so anxious ab it bc i hate medical things and it’s been making my arm sore (which happens when i think ab needles usually but it hasn’t happened in a while and i hate the sensation so much it’s so fucking scary)

my psychiatrist hasn’t responded to me email bc a prescription bc i’m almost out of one of the pills i take and im stressed

i think i’ve gained weight and i’m trying so hard to not be upset and to be neutral ab my body and how i look but my new apartment has a full size mirror and i can’t help but analyze myself in it; i changed my outfit three times today bc i hated how i looked in two different pairs of pants (one of them i wear fairly often and now i never want to wear them again even though they’re so comfy i hated how they looked today)

i’m trying to eat consistently but all of the above with my anxiety is fucking up my appetite and i do not want to go through all of this again i was doing so well this summer

i’ve been so spacey and i do not feel real lately but everything just feels so heavy and i am so fucking tired

and usually when i feel particularly Heavy i just watch community or buzzfeed unsolved or a documentary or something while i write or draw so i’m preoccupied and thinking ab too many things to think ab what’s upsetting me but laptop kicked it (getting a new one this weekend 🎊) and my tv is frozen and won’t even turn off (it faces my bed and is quite bright i might have to cover it w a blanket; which makes me anxious bc it feels like a fire risk) (also i’m gonna have to go to reception tomorrow and tell them and i don’t want to be my social anxiety has been going ham lately and i’m just UGH)

anyway i am very tired and i cannot wait to go home this weekend and see my parents and my dog (i have a dentist appt and i’m trying not to think about it) and i just want to go to sleep

[this-is-just-here-for-venting]

fuck's sake why am i just

such a failure

my sister almost went to harvard but she CHOSE not to for whatever reason she was smart enough where she could have been a nurse and she was in ap classes her whole highschool career she has friends and i only got an apartment because of her help and she even made me feel bad because of it since im just so ridiculous and stupid

im stupid and ugly and incompetent and so pathetic and unambitious she has no respect for me and hates talking to me she only helps out of obligation but even she thinks im stupid but tbh not far from the truth i never had a plan to make it past 18 i never thought about a forever job like her no wonder i got mediocre grades and didnt get offered to go to fucking harvard i dont even want to be here rn

i want to be an artist for a living i just cant rn and that hurts but doesnt help that she thinks im stupid and childish so i never talk to her about it the one time i did she was so uninterested and she thinks im lazy so never thinks it'll happen so like great

i always wanted to think she was different my own sibling but she's not and that hurts i never should have been here i should have never ruined her life i dont want to be like this there's something wrong w/ me but idk what other than im stupid when i value that sm i just dont want to do this anymore when i really dont have even my own family

dont trust my grandparents my mother barely tolerates me and she hates me i dont even have my sister

i really dont belong here

i really should just die thank God i have an out and my body will be found fast w/ her living downstairs

[wafflesfromtheuniverse]

I'm hearing my mom argue w my dad

I feel too old to be hurt about this but i can't help myself

I'm 21 attending uni from home

It wouldn't really make sense to rent an apartment: it's expensive so i would have to work and study at the same time, and I'm not sure i could manage all that rn, and we don't live so far from the place anyways

Anyways I heard her voice going kinda wobbly

She sounded like she was on the verge of crying

It's bc my dad has a lover, and she dropped him off infront of our house

Mom was upset bc they spoke about her a lot

About the other women

I hated my dad for it, but my mom told me a few things that made me just sour about the whole thing

I won't make excuses for cheating, like ever, but i know my mom isn't really well either and it took a toll on my dad

I'm only writing this because i feel like i believe in love less and less

The more i know about my parents, the less i believe in true love

I guess I'm the romantic type, i just like to deny it

You will never catch me admitting it, unless i really feel like i want the other person to know

I kinda believe in acts of affection (or idk how u write it xd) rather than words

Words still mean a lot to me tho, it's just not the usual stuff I guess

Random things hit me harder or make feel warmer

I'm trying to be hopeful

But I'm avoiding people

I fear rejection

I fear hatred

I fear that I am unloveable

I am afraid of being insufferable

I am afraid that people see a lot of wrong in me and they just don't tell me so I am going around clueless

I don't expect everyone to love me

I don't like every person I meet either

I don't like to be the enemy tho

My head makes be believe sm bullshit

I'm fighting myself everyday

I am actually better at it

I started to like my face better

Like my body too

I still want to exercise

Not for a summer body

But for the childish dream i still have: being cool girl

Cool in the means of looking cool

Idc what counts as cool in the matter of personality

My personality is annoying to me but i still love myself a little bit or like moderately

I'm trying

I have the headphones i got for christmas from them on

It's kina funny

They are noise cancelling so i can't hear them

I liked to listen to them when is was little

Like is not a good word, more like i felt it was neccesary

I wanted to know what was happening around me

I don't know if other familes are like this

In highschool I liked to joke around in my head, calling them rommates (not room but living mates or how do i say it...ppl u rent an aparent together with)

I saw my dad at night coming home from work (or as i got know later, maybe from the woman) and my mom was home working always

I didn't think of my parents badly

But my mom once said that "i probably don't want to end up like them"

I don't remember when was the last time i really thought about what i want to end up as

Like seriously

I somehow felt i don't have a future

I had this belief that I will die in some accident like in a tiny one

Just whoosh erased from earth

I don't know why i felt that way but i believed it kinda and i wasn't uncomfortable with it

I thought about it matter of factly, calm, neutral

I will not get old

I will die before 30 for sure

Like that

It wasn't a decision or anything, just felt like that was my fate

I hope I will see more clearly in the future

I hope I am able to love

To give love and to recieve it

To have a healthy relationship

I really really hope i can manage to be in one once

I fear love because of (1 rejection and hate like I said before)

2 because when i lose a friend my heart breaks really hard

I can't get my head away, and I'm anxious without a stop

I have the blackhole in me

If love breaks my hearth more than that

Idk if it's safe for me

Yet atleast

I'm trying to strenghten myslef

I have too much fear in my

I hate fear

But i also hate the absence of fear

When i give up and there is nothing

At times like that fear atleast motivates me, moves me

But when emptiness fills me

I have a hard time afterwards

I probably misspelled a bunch of shit but

It's not cryptic so it counts

I am working on myself

Even when it feels like I'm stagnating

Atleast I can mever be clueless about the things i learned so far

So I'm trying:)

I actually like this one better nowadays:]

[solar-halos]

basically just reblogging to put all my notes in one place <3

1) the skirttttt!!! i’ve never made anything like it and it wouldn’t have been possible without this vid . she is soso talented and i’ve been itching to follow another one of her tutorials everything she makes is sooo pretty <3. i didn’t include the last five layers of just the ruffles bc (say it with me now) i ran out yarn and idk what i did wrong but i did end up having to do two xtra layers

(also to create the little belt situation at the top i single crocheted along the very top of the waistband + connected the row + chained 3 + skipped three stitches and then double crocheted)

2) also i think by adding a waistband it added hella length to the skirt bc the last pic i posted it was way above the ankles but now it’s the exact length i wanted. i would recommend crocheting a waistband that’s wayyy smaller than ur actual waist bc i took off like three inches but it stretched out sm by the time i was done with it that it slid all the way down my hips. like i tried spinning in it and it flew off my body

3) speaking of spinning.. love doing that in this thing

4) hope ballad has a minion movie + barbie movie situation bc like i’m sorry but i will fully pull up wearing this

5) i’ve mentioned on like every progress update that i have a love / hate relationship the white panels and that this isn’t my style and that i lowk don’t like the skirt in general and blah blah blah, but at the end of the day i fuckin made this so not to sound self obsessed but i kinda love this a lot and will be forcing my sister to have a little photo shoot tomorrow

6) the shirt was such a fail lmaoo. like on its own it’s cute but the crochet top w the long crochet skirt made me look like a rug and i did not like that. the shirt i’m wearing is the crop top i posted a little while back on one of my progress checks. idk why posting myself makes me feel so weird but i might just need to post the shirt + skirt on it’s own like on one of those “pick ur aesthetics” posts (pls tell me this makes sense its so late rn)

7) all in all.. while this piece doesn’t scream lucy gray this is the biggest project i’ve ever completed and i <3 that it got me out of my comfort zone. it certainly turned out better than the mockingjay tote bag, bht that’s prob bc i followed an actual tutorial instead of staring at a pic of a mockinjay until mh computer exploded and i had a vaguely bird shaped bag in front of me and an UNGODLY amount of yarn all over my desk. anyway pls don’t tell anyone i have a mockingjay tote back in my possession i’ve been trying so hard to sell it but it’s my first pattern and i always get so sentimental about it </3. anyway this was supposed to be a rainbow dress post so this tote bag tangent is obviously a sign i need to log out & go to bed. goodnight

officially done with rainbow dress‼️‼️ the torso reveals never stop, but i did make sure to add in some dynamic poses!!!! and some corny graphics <3 mwah

<3