#i hate that my mental illness has drifted from being a hypothetical to now being like a constant
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good news: therapy finally scheduled friday morning. bad news: holy shit i am really spiralling aren't i
#ppl following are like yes obviously but like. sincerely. i think classes are keeping me sane#and all of my friends who i adore and love are completely fucking with me#like today i was at a social event and its the first time ini a while i was like organically socializing with strangers#and seeing my friends do that. and it freaked me the fuck out#i didn't like seeing my friends interacting with people that wasn't our group it genuinely on a bone deep level unsettled me#and now i have like. severe paranoia about one of my best friends. which is making everything like a nightmare for me#i hate that my mental illness has drifted from being a hypothetical to now being like a constant#i hate that my parents pay so much for therapy so i try to go every two weeks and that fucking shatters me#and i really really really hate the circumstances i'm in right now even though if i was a better person this would be the happiest-#-time of my fucking life
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