#i hate that i thought of this and it sums any ships with this muse gdi

[sweetcobaltblue]

"Everyone says slow burn relationships, i say no burn i avoid feelings at anytime."

[run-me-through-but-not-like-that]

Your Stupid Face

Inspired by: Your Stupid Face - Kayden MacKay I was listening to this song the other day and could only think about Izzy

Word Count: 3808

Goddamn it, Izzy hated you. He hated you so goddamn much. He hated you just as much as he hated the rest of Bonnet’s less than mediocre crew. No, he hated you more if that was even possible. Now, Izzy hated most people, but he believed that he hated fairly. He hated everyone in the crew but for different reasons.

He hated Bonnet for claiming to be a pirate captain when he had done nothing to earn it. He hated Lucius for never doing any real work. He hated Black Pete for continuously boasting about his pirating capabilities when he actually had no real experience. He hated Ivan and Fang for merging with Bonnet’s crew with so much ease.

Oh, but Izzy despised you.

It was like you always knew what to do and say to get under his skin, and you clearly enjoyed it. You were never bothered by his threats or his snarling, often meeting them with a smirk and a comment of your own. Like you knew he couldn’t lay a hand on you, not when he was on Bonnet’s stupid fucking ship.

In the short time Izzy had been aboard the Revenge, you had become the bane of his existence, and without even trying which was even more irritating. Your presence alone was like an irritating buzz.

Izzy Hands despised you, plain and simple. He thought the Revenge would be just that little more bearable if you weren’t on it, if you were to just disappear into thin air, but life could never be so kind to him.

Just to sum up, Izzy hated you and you knew it.

“You’re a fucking nuisance. This crew is fucking useless, but it would still be better without you, at least be somewhat bearable. You do nothing but purposely piss me off” Izzy seethed at you, only growing more and more irritated when you continued to grin at him. Completely unbothered by his cruel words, he had been scolding you for a good few minutes now.

“Only when you deserve it. You can be a real ass, Izzy” you tutted, shaking your head at him like a disappointed parent.

“One fucking day I’m going to tie you to that damn anchor” he threatened, grabbing a fist full of your collar and aggressively pulling you forward.

Your grin turned into an amused smirk, scanning his face, dropping your gaze to his lips before meeting his eyes again. “Oh, Izzy Hands, you are going to fall hopelessly, desperately in love with me” you told him, complete confidence in your words.

Your words seemed to shake Izzy up a little bit, another little victory for you. “In your fucking dreams” he forced through gritted teeth as he released your shirt, pushing you away from him.

You chuckled to yourself as you stumbled back, quickly finding your balance again. “I count on it” you winked playfully before turning and leaving, letting Izzy seethe to himself.

-

Izzy fucking hates you, more than ever. He hates that you were fucking right. He is hopeless and he is desperate, but it’s all your damn fault anyway. Now you’re looking at him with that stupid grin spread out on your face, a playful but fond look in your eyes as you tease him.

“Alright, you don’t have to be so fucking happy about it” Izzy huffed, turning his face away from you. His face was red, it normally was due to anger but this time there was a little embarrassment and shyness in the colour.

“But I am happy, Iz!” you smiled brightly, cupping his warm face in your hands. “You’ve finally admitted it, you like me. I knew you did” you knew it was only furthering his embarrassment but he kind of deserved it, plus you didn’t intend on making fun of him for his gruff little confession.

“Fuck off” he muttered but didn’t pull away from your gentle touches.

“Not a chance now” you mused, “you’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

He was afraid too, incredibly so. Fucking terrified even, more than he can ever remember being.

“Look, if you’re going to get all sappy about it, make it quick” Izzy complained but he still hadn’t pulled away, you had a feeling he wanted you to get just a little sappy for a moment.

“You’re cute when you get all flustered” you cooed.

“I am not cute” he huffed again, this time pushing your hands away from his face.

“Yes, sorry, you’re very scary, love” you chuckled. It wasn’t completely mocking, he was a real life terrifying pirate, somebody to be feared, but he was also completely adorable when he was flustered.

“I swear to fucking-” you could hear the defensiveness coming back, his walls shooting up, but you were determined to not let that happened.

Your hands returned to his face, gentle with just the right amount of firmness to hold him in place and make him look at you. He couldn’t complain any further before you had pulled him towards you and kissed him, effectively silencing him. Thankfully, he didn’t resist for no good reason.

Izzy returned the kiss with eagerness, hands gripping your arms to keep you close, almost clinging desperately. Once you felt him relax, you broke the kiss, pulling away from him ever so slightly, just enough to smile at him.

“Hopelessly and desperately in love with me yet?” you asked playfully, though you had the feeling that your little premonition was coming true.

“You wish” he scoffed, despite being very obviously flustered.

“We’ll get you there, don’t you worry” you assured him, voice surprisingly soft, before you pulled him into another quick kiss. Just enough to distract him and help him relax some more before you’re skipping off to continue with your daily chores.

Alright, so maybe Izzy doesn’t hate you, maybe he even likes you a little. Hell, you were starting to make this godforsaken ship feel just that little but more like home. Everything about it felt so wrong, he felt so outside the rest of the crew. That only changed when you were around. You made things feel right, comfortable, like everything fit into place without having to force it.

Though, Izzy thought that if life was kinder, if life ever took mercy on him, he never would have come across Stede Bonnet. Never would have ended up on this ship. Never would have had you unwillingly burrow into his life. Because you were right, there was no getting rid of you now. Getting rid of you would be like amputating a part of himself, he didn’t know if it was necessary, but it would certainly be painful.

No, life never took mercy on Izzy Hands. That’s why he had formed such an attachment to you.

-

Fuck. Izzy could still remember the look on your face as the boat slowly drifted away from that tiny little island. The smallest he had ever seen. After the rupture between Stede and Blackbeard, Izzy had awakened the Kraken. It hadn’t exactly been his intention and he quickly realised he had bit off more than he could chew. Okay, bad choice of words.

None of that mattered now. Nothing mattered after Izzy repeatedly failed to convince Blackbeard to keep you as part of the crew. Blackbeard wanted Jim and Frenchie but apparently nobody else, for reasons Izzy couldn’t completely comprehend, but orders were orders. He had to follow them.

That didn’t mean it was easy when he had to push you and the rest of the crew off of that little rowboat.

“Izzy!” you called, standing right on the edge of that little island, the water lapping at your feet. “Come on, we can figure this out! We’ll speak with Blackbeard!” you tried to reason, tried to convince him that he didn’t need to leave you and the majority of your friends marooned and left for dead. The last thing he heard was his name on the wind, faintly sounding like your voice.

That was a couple of days ago now and he still couldn’t stop thinking about it. You had looked so betrayed as the boat was rowed away, not breaking eye contact until you had no choice, until each of you were just specks in the distance.

There were many things he had felt since the Kraken’s emergence but there was one emotion stronger than any of the others. Hell, he missed you.

He missed your presence, your little smiles, the way you knew how to get under his skin but also how to bring him out of himself, how to make him smile. He hadn’t smiled since that day, that morning to be precise, before he got orders from his captain.

Turns out, Blackbeard being back wasn’t everything he thought it would be. There had even been a time that he thought your absence would be for the best in the long run. Instead of things going back to normal, Izzy was left pining over you, missing you, all while you probably hated him.

It wasn’t like you didn’t have every right to hate him, to despise him. You must have been disgusted by him, cursing his name and the fact you ever met him, if you weren’t already dying from exposure. His stomach turned just thinking about it.

He knew life would never be kind to him, could never give him a break, why would this time be any different?

Izzy had tried being stubborn, to resist the things he didn’t deserve to have, but it didn’t work, you broke down his defences. Life gave him you, gave him some semblance of hope, just to rip it away again, thought he knew he wasn’t completely blameless in the matter.

He had been an idiot to think that he could have something good, to put his care and his trust into you. He knew better than to do that, but he did it anyway.

Some nights, when he was on night navigation and alone on deck, Izzy would find himself standing at the railing of the ship. Just staring out at the endless expanse of water, like he just might see you in a little rowboat following after the ship. Like you might return to him in the dead of night, climb up onto the ship and throw yourself into his arms.

However, Izzy had never been na��ve, at least not since he was young and first getting into pirating. He knew that the thought of you returning to him, never mind returning to him without wanting revenge, was a fantasy. Something that could never happen.

Izzy also knew that he only had himself to blame for the situation he was in. He never should have let you ger close, never should have let you in past his defences. He never should have threatened Edward. Never should have left you on that island.

Right now, he didn’t stand on the deck, mulling over silly fantasies. Instead, he lay sleepless in his cabin, his mind stuck on one thing. You. These days Izzy wasn’t sure about much, nothing made sense anymore, but there was one thing he was sure about. Everything would be right, everything would be perfect, if you were here.

In his cabin, in his embrace.

Fuck, he didn’t even get a chance to kiss you goodbye, couldn’t allow either of you that. There were too many people around, too many emotions and questions in the air. He could barely look at you, never mind kiss you.

God, he just missed you so much.

-

When that little dingy packed with crew members that were thought to be dead, lead by Stede fucking Bonnet, sailed right up to the Revenge, Izzy couldn’t believe his eyes. Frenchie and Jim hadn’t even pretended to try to fight them off as they boarded the ship, welcoming their old friends back, glad to see they were alive.

While Jim got their reunion with Oluwande and Wee John lifted Frenchie off of his feet in excited that they were both alive, Izzy didn’t get that from you. Not that he deserved it.

Your focus had been on making sure Edward didn’t kill Stede, as was the focus of most of the crew. You didn’t get the time to confront Izzy, knowing the lives of you and the people you care about rested on the shoulders of the captains’ relationship. One challenge at a time.

After a few days, everything started to settle down. The captains had talked, with the guidance of the very-not-dead Lucius. They seemed to come to a better understanding and hadn’t left the captains’ cabin since.

So, since the ship was in a state of comfortable uncertainty, you finally got the chance to speak with the first mate. Who, had so very obviously, been avoiding you like you had scurvy.

When you arrived at Izzy’s cabin, you walked right in without knocking, knowing he was hiding away in there after designating tasks for the day.

The intrusion had Izzy on his feet instantly, glaring towards the door. “Don’t you know how to fucking knock?” the question was growled before he even saw who had stepped into his cabin.

“I have to knock now? Didn’t have to knock before” you tilted your head slightly, knowing that he probably hadn’t realised it was you when he spoke. You wouldn’t take it personally.

“What are you doing here?” Izzy sighed, his question a little less confrontational at the realisation.

“Stede showed up in his little dingy and rescued us from that island you stranded us on” you reminded him, knowing that wasn’t what he was asking.

“I know how you’re here, on the Revenge. I mean why are you in my cabin?” he asked with a huff, knowing you were just giving him a hard time. It should have made him mad, but he just wanted you to land the blow and leave him to lick his wounds.

“I came to talk” you answered simply, honestly, this time. No look of deceit or ulterior motives in your expression as you closed the cabin door behind you.

“What is there to talk about?” Izzy scoffed, shaking his head, suddenly feeling very trapped in the small room.

“Izzy…Stede left Edward, Blackbeard came back and went on a rampage, you stranded us on an island. There is a lot to talk about” you told him firmly. Stede encouraged the crew to talk about everything, no matter how little, and these things definitely seemed worthy of discussion.

“Exactly, I already ruined everything” to Izzy, you had only pointed out all the ways he had messed up, all the ways he couldn’t be forgiven, “Why do we need to talk about it?”

“Are you sorry for what you did? Do you regret it?” you questioned.

Surely, he had to be, he seemed to know that his actions had only made things worse. Admittedly, if he couldn’t see that, if he didn’t regret it, if he wasn’t sorry…you would probably just have to leave the cabin and accept that Izzy Hands might just be too far gone for you to reach.

“Don’t fucking rub it in” he had meant to scoff, to spit and seethe, but it sounded more like he was pleading. Maybe he was.

“I’m not. I’m genuinely asking” you assured him, just watching him with a neutral expression that was killing him. Just punish him already.

“Yeah, ‘course I fucking regret. Edward went insane, I pushed him too far, he cut off my goddamn toe!” Izzy managed to summon the force he was looking for, though his anger was only directed at himself.

“…yeah, I helped you bandage it before…well, you know” you reminded him, frowning slightly at the memory. Edward had put you on watch that night, you understood why when you returned to Izzy’s cabin at sunrise.

“Before I stranded you…that’s probably what I’m most sorry about” Izzy corrected your sentence before making his little confession. “Fuck, I’m so sorry” he sounded more defeated than anything as he sat down on the edge of his cot. He looked exhausted.

“I forgive you” the words came easily to you. “The others definitely don’t but I do” they others would still be happy to see Izzy thrown overboard but you had found forgiveness for him.

“No” Izzy snapped, suddenly looking at you with a certain fury in his eyes. “Don’t forgive me, I don’t deserve it” he was on his feet again, putting on that first mate Hands persona. Trying to be assertive, intimidating, maybe even trying to scare you a little. To convince you.

“It was fucked up” you admitted, you wouldn’t deny that. He really messed up, multiple times. “But everyone turned out okay, we even found Lucius hiding in the walls. Things turned out alright…you messed up, you realised you were wrong, you apologised. Now, I forgive you” you explained. You’ll admit that if somebody had died, you might not have forgiven him so quickly, but things turned out alright. You decided you could move on from it if he could.

“Don’t…don’t forgive me” and just like that, his anger was gone again. He sounded small, scared maybe. “Why? Why would you do that? Why would you give me another chance to just fuck things up?” he questioned, shaking his head to himself, obviously trying to come up with some sort of reasoning by himself.

He would never find the real answer without you telling him. So, that’s what you did.

“Because I love you.”

Three little words and they completely knocked the air out of his lungs, he felt like he had been shot in the chest. He even took a step back from the blow. He definitely didn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve those words. You can’t come back after that he did to you, after what happened, and tell him that you love him. He didn’t deserve that, not after everything he’s done, especially not from you.

Why did you care about him? Why didn’t you hate him? You should. You should shout at him, cuss him out, berate him. It was the least he deserved. Why weren’t you angry, you weren’t even glaring at him, you were looking at him so damn softly.

But that was just so you, wasn’t it? To forgive him for his misdeeds, to care for him and love him regardless. It was you that he fell for so pathetically because, after everything, you were still right here.

Against everyone’s better judgement, you were willing to give him a chance. Willing to try.

You must hate him, you had too. If you didn’t…if you didn’t hate him, then he couldn’t hate himself.

If you didn’t hate him, why should he hate himself?

If you could forgive him, could he forgive himself?

“Because you…what?” Izzy asked, breathless. “You should give up on me, take the chance while you can” he warned when you began to step towards him, almost like he was trying to talk you out of it. For your own sake.

“Iz, love, I’m not going to give up on and I’m not going to let you give up on yourself” you spoke softly as your hands made contact with his arms. You must have surprised him a little with the touch because he flinched, but neither of you pulled away.

“You can really forgive me? You think we could work this out?” Izzy looked at you as if he just couldn’t fathom you, like you couldn’t possibly be humans. Humans weren’t this forgiving, this kind, none that he had met anyway.

“Of course, I’ve already decided that we will” you teased slightly, hoping to ease the tension at least a little. Hoping to convince him that you weren’t angry with him, not anymore at least.

Izzy looked at you in awe. You really were forgiving him for everything he did wrong, every little thing. And yet again, he was willingly letting himself belong to you.

He released a sigh, hanging his head as he accepted your words. He was forgiven, even if he still planned on atoning, he still had you.

“Iz” you cooed, lifting his chin as you shifted closer. “I’m glad you’re okay, I was a little worried that you wouldn’t be here when we got back” you confessed. Once again, he was looking at you in utter awe. He left you all for dead and you were worried about him.

He didn’t deserve you.

Izzy didn’t get the chance to dwell on that thought much longer before you were holding him, you were tenderly kissing him. It was a short and gentle kiss to his lips, as if you were nervous to push too far too quick.

As you pulled away from the kiss, it was like you left Izzy in a trance, his mouth following yours before he realised what he was doing. 

“Alright, drop that stupid smirk” Izzy grumbled but didn’t make an effort to move away from you, beginning to feel like a tension had lifted.

“Nah, I think I’ve earnt it.��� Of course you were smirking, you had returned from the dead and began to show Izzy that he deserved good things. You were breaking down his defences again, you would smirk all you pleased.

“Suppose you have” he agreed, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

“C’mon, stop pouting” you smiled, running your thumb over the seam of his lips, “just accept that I forgive you and I love you, and let yourself have something good for once.”

When he nodded his acceptance, you wrapped your arms around him and embraced him. His arms circled around your frame instinctively, holding you in return, glad to have you back in his arms. “I missed you” he mumbled into your hair, his arms squeezing around you slightly. He couldn’t be closer if he tried.

“I missed you too” you hummed, turning your head to nuzzle into his hair like he was doing to you. “I know it was Blackbeard’s orders…I heard you trying to convince him one night” you whispered.

“I thought you were dead” his voice cracked, arms tightening around you even more.

“I told you, you’re stuck with me, Iz” you smiled, pulling away just enough for him to see your face, running your fingers through his hair.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way” Izzy whispered, pressing his forehead to yours and letting his eyes flutter shut as you continued to play with his hair.

Fuck it, you had been right about another thing. He had fallen hopelessly and desperately in love with you, and he might as well just say it. He would, if he weren’t such a coward.

But Izzy supposed that when push comes to shove…

“I love you.”

[tuanyiems]

Champagne Truffles

Yugyeom x Reader (f) It’s a little angsty at the start oops but still this is a fluffy one, it’s me after all words: 4k plot: it’s your anniversary date night and he’s determined to make this a night you’ll never forget, established relationship!au a/n – Forgive this unedited piece, it’s 3am rn lulz I spent too much time gushing over got7 I had to take out the smut content to make the deadline lol but anyways, make sure to stream Last Piece as you’re reading!!! And this concludes my November of posting exclusively for Yugyeom! (It still counts as November if I haven’t slept yet!) And what a beautiful month it was! Thank you for following me on this Chocolatier journey, I’m sure these two will show up again in a drabble or two in the future. But until, please enjoy and give got7’s new album a listen if you haven’t already. It truly is another masterpiece album c’: // part of Le Chocolatier drabble series, which you can find the masterlist for in my blog. feel free to read this as a one-shot or part of the series, in any order you want <3

“So, how was work today?” you start, climbing into bed where Yugyeom is already tucked in and scrolling on his phone. The bright light illuminates his face, and you pause, admiring his profile as you wait for him to answer.

But Yugyeom only shrugs, not even bothering to look at you. You grab your own phone from your nightstand, twisting it awkwardly around in your hands as you think of something else to say.

“It’s getting colder these days, isn’t it?” you ask softly, staring down at your phone as you flip it once more and watch it light up to a picture of you and Yugyeom at a carnival. It was one of those summertime, pop-up fairs. Yugyeom had convinced you to call in sick and the two of you made a trip an hour out from the city to play like two teenagers in love. 

Your lips twist as you press your thumb into the screen where Yugyeom is holding your hand in his. Even when your hands were getting clammy from the summer heat and the nerves of waiting in line for the pirate ship, he had refused to let go. 

“Nice try,” he had scoffed, before lifting his hand to kiss the back of yours. “If I let you go for even a second, you’ll definitely find a way to hurt yourself.”

You rolled your eyes, “You’re so protective for the weirdest things.”

“Weird? Who was the one who fractured their wrist while bowling?”

You looked away, pretending not to hear.

“And who’s the girl who got a concussion while walking in a department store, hmm?”

“Hey! That time wasn’t my fault!” you pouted, allowing yourself to be tugged along as the line moved up. “Who puts such heavy items on the top shelf anyways?”

“But what normal person climbs the shelves?!”

“An! Independent! Woman!” You defended, slapping his chest with your free hand with each word.

He only laughed, eyes shining down on you. “You could’ve called for help, or oh I don’t know, asked your boyfriend to get it for you? I mean, what else is my height good for?”

“Eye candy, of course!”

“I’m just a piece of meat to you, aren’t I?” he joked, bumping you by the hip before quickly pulling you back into his chest.

You giggled, “Oh course not, babe. I’m obviously using you for our future offspring too. It’s my gracious consideration for future generations.”

“Future offspring?” Yugyeom’s cheeks blushed a rosy hue and as soon as you noticed, you followed suit.

“I mean! Uh-well…if…” you sucked in a breath, forcing your heart to calm. “Anyways, if they end up inheriting your height and my butterfingers, it’ll end up being a disservice to society actually.”

He chuckled, hand squeezing yours. “Probably,” he mused softly, cheeks still warm with daydreams.

When you turn your phone again, the screen flickers awake and there is his blushing face again, eyes twinkling with thoughts of the future…or, that’s what you always thought he was imagining when you look at this photo, but maybe you were just being delusional. It could’ve just been the summer heat making him flush.

The Yugyeom from that memory and the one sitting next to you feel like completely different people. You don’t understand what happened, only a few months had passed since that day. At first, you had summed up his quiet behavior to the changing season. It’s not like Yugyeom had never been quiet or moody before, but never has he iced you out like this for so long.

It makes you nervous actually. In two days, it’ll be your three-year anniversary. This is supposed to be a good thing of course, but in the back of your mind sits the nervous belief that something bad will happen on that day.

None of your previous relationships have ever lasted longer than a year. You and Yugyeom were always so stable that you never thought this would be a problem, but his sudden changes have made you more superstitious. 

“Baby?” you utter softly, touching his wrist to put his phone down. He looks over but doesn’t say a word. “Um, I was wondering how you wanted to spend this Saturday? We haven’t really talked about it, so…”

Your voice trails. He looks at you almost fiercely, a slight frown on his lips.

You swallow. “Not that we have to do anything. Maybe we could just have a quiet day inside. We can marathon that anime you really like! What was the name again? With the cute pig?”

“Seven Deadly Sins,” he answers, looking back at his phone.

“Yeah, that one!” you say, voice much brighter than how you feel. “But…I was just suggesting. We can do what you want to do. Did you have something in mind? Food you’re craving?”

Yugyeom sighs, turning on his side to turn the lamp off. “It’s late, babe, let’s decide later.”

“Oh, okay.”

In the darkness, your worries fester though.

“Baby?” you whisper cautiously. Quietly, you curl against his back, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Goodnight, Gyeom.”

A moment passes before he twists in your arms and pulls you to his chest. You smile, looking up even though you can barely make out his features in the darkness.

“Night baby, I love you,” he presses a kiss to your forehead, and you find yourself relaxing in his arms.

That night you fall into a sleep so good, you end up missing your alarm.

Rushing around the apartment in only a forest green blouse and your nude hip huggers, you unpack your purse for the fifth time that morning.

“Babe, have you seen my charger?” You yell from the bedroom.

“It’s not in your purse?” Yugyeom calls from inside the bathroom.

You huff, throwing the items haphazardly back into your bag. “No!”

“Just take mines!”

“Thank you!”

Rounding the bed, you make your way to Yugyeom’s nightstand. Unlike your own though, his drawer is a disorganized mess. You furrow your brows, shifting through the old mail and random trinkets.

“How does he find anything in here?” you mutter, stuffing your hand to the back and hoping the wire was buried somewhere there.

“Y/N!” Yugyeoms voice booms from behind you. You jump in surprise. “Why are you going through my drawer?”

He snatches your hand out and slams his drawer shut.

“I-” You try to blink back your surprise. “I was just looking for the charger.”

He let out an exasperated sigh, bending behind the nightstand, and pulls the wire out.

“Here,” he tosses it into your hand before walking to your shared closet. “And don’t go through my things.”

Gaze on his back, you place the charger into your purse meekly. Grabbing your cream trousers from the bed, you quietly step into them as Yugyeom gets dressed too.

“Sorry,” you mumble when he finally turns to you.

He lets out a sigh, threading his fingers between yours. His thumb rubs over your hand gently. “I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to yell.”

-

“Jackson,” you slide on your rolling chair towards your cubicle buddy, cup of hot chocolate between both palms.

“Uh oh,” Jackson looks at you once before twisting dramatically in his chair. “You’ve got the frowny face!”

“Frowny face?” Jinyoung pokes his head into your cubicle. Seeing your expression, he immediately walks into your cubicle, leaning onto Jackson’s desk. “Who do we need to hurt?”

“No one,” you sulk, stirring your drink. “I just had a question.”

“It was Susan, wasn’t it? I hate her,” Jinyoung scoffs, crossing his arms. Jackson chuckles, nudging him to stop.

“No, I was just wondering,” you pause, looking at your cream flats. “What are some signs when a guy no longer loves you?”

“I’m going to kill Yugyeom.”

“Why is murder always your go-to?” Jackson jokes, trying to lighten the mood. “It can’t be that bad, the last time I saw Yugyeom he was madly in love with you!”

“I just…I don’t know…it’s a feeling,” you frown, gut twisting as you’re speaking the words aloud. “It’s probably nothing.”

“Well, what signs have you been getting from Yugyeom?” Jinyoung asks.

“He’s just gotten quieter in the last couple of months. Sometimes it feels like he’s hiding something from me. Like last night, he was mostly on his phone even though I was trying to talk to him.”

“On his phone doing what?”

You tilt your head, shrugging. “I don’t know, Instagram? Twitter? But that’s not the point.”

“Wait, Instagram or Twitter, Y/N? Was he scrolling through news or was he sliding into DMs? These are important details,” Jinyoung interrupts. Both you and Jackson look at him with wide eyes.

You feel your heart jump to your throat. “Y-you think…maybe, he’s c-cheating on me?”

That thought had never even occurred to you as a possibility but now that you hear it…Your vision starts to blur.

“Oh my gosh, Y/N!” Jackson slaps Jinyoung’s thigh, pushing him away as he hurries to put an arm over your shoulder. “Jinyoung was just asking stupid questions. Yugyeom’s not that kind of guy.”

“But what if he’s right?” you mumble. “This morning I was looking in his drawer to borrow his charger and he yelled at me for going through his things. He’s never done that before! And every time I ask about his day, he won’t really tell me anything.”

You sniffle, rushing to wipe your falling tears.

“Don’t cry, Y/N,” Jinyoung pats your hand softly. “You’re probably just spiraling right now. I don’t know Yugyeom the way you do. He was probably just scrolling through pictures of tattoo art or something.”

“But he’s so handsome and amazing, he could have any girl he wants. What if he’s found someone better? Someone who doesn’t burn toast or, or-”

“Hey,” Jackson squeezes your arm with a frown. “We don’t tolerate that kind of talk in this house.”

“House?” Jinyoung chuckles.

“Our cubicle home!” Jackson clarifies, making you smile.

“Ah, I see a smile,” Jinyoung announces, making your lips stretch wider.

“My makeup is running, isn’t it?” you laugh weakly.

“Yeah, you’re a mess,” Jinyoung teases.

“Good time to ask Susan for an early weekend,” Jackson nudges you playfully.

“Yeah, leave early and go have a real conversation with Yugyeom about how you’re feeling. No use in holding things in if it’s just going to make you cry anyways.”

“Someone’s crying?” Susan, your project manager, pokes her head into your cubicle. When she sees your state, she gasps. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell?”

“I’m okay,” you flush with embarrassment.

“Nonsense, you should let her start the weekend early, Susan,” Jinyoung states before smiling at her sweetly. “And as her favorite co-workers, you should let us join her!”

“Nice try, Jinyoung,” she laughs goodheartedly, before turning to you. “You two have to stay, but Y/N, you’re free to go. Come back Monday, feeling better, okay?”

She sends you a wink before striding off.

“I hate her so much,” Jinyoung grumbles.

“You gotta stop lying to yourself, man,” Jackson laughs. He turns to you and pulls you into a hug. “Go and talk to him, Y/N. The longer you wait it out, the longer you’ll just be running circles in your head.”

You nod, convinced. “Alright, I’ll do that. Thanks guys.”

“Call me if you need a hitman!” Jinyoung calls as you rush out of the cubicle.

-

“Hey, why are you calling at this hour?”

“I just missed you,” you hum into the phone, as you walk down the familiar sidewalk towards your favorite chocolate store. “How’s work?”

“Um, actually,” there’s a pause on the other line before he continues, “It’s kind of busy. Probably be home late today.”

“Oh, okay,” you put on a tone of disappointment as you round the corner to the store. You snicker to yourself. Maybe surprising him at work and helping him with the shop will pick his mood up.

“Yeah, sorry, but you know this time of year. People like to eat chocolates.”

You smile to yourself, slowing your step as you reach the storefront. “Yeah, I know. It’s how I met you.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” you chuckle.

“Anyways, I really have to go now.”

“O-” You freeze, staring into the window of the chocolate store. “Okay.”

“Bye,” Yugyeom doesn’t wait for you to reply before he cuts off the line. You barely register the dead phone line though. You gulp, watching as your best friend, Jenny, pulls Yugyeom into a tight hug between the counter. In her arms, he smiles with full cheeks.

Stepping back, you cross the street in a rush, collapsing into a seat outside the French café across from Yugyeom’s store before your legs give out entirely. 

This doesn’t make sense. While Jenny was one of your closest friends, she and Yugyeom weren’t especially close. This was partially due to the fact that Jenny lives in another city two hours away from yours. Yugyeom has never expressed any interest in spending time with your friends unless you were with him, and so things just don’t add up.

Jenny never sent you a text that she’d be in town, especially on a Friday. Just as you’re about to go through the text messages in your phone just in case, you see the door of the chocolate store open and out walks Yugyeom and Jenny. They’re so deep in their own conversation, they don’t even glance at you, right across the street from them.

You take in a breath, shaking your head. This just doesn’t make sense. Getting up again, you make your way down the street, watching them from across. Maybe Jenny needed a special order of chocolates. Was there a birthday you were forgetting?

You stop in your tracks, watching as Jenny practically jumping with excitement alongside Yugyeom. She must’ve said something funny, because he tilts his head back, mouth open wide, the same way he always laughs at you when you make a stupid joke.

Shaking your head again, you continue your steps. No, Jenny is a trusted friend. You’ve known her since high school. But the longer you follow, the more your stomach starts to hurt. It’s exactly because you’ve known Jenny for so long that you know she would never be this animated with your boyfriend.

Your chest hurt at just the thought, but you can’t help it from echoing in your brain. That the two of them look too comfortable—like they’ve been meeting for a while. 

Biting your lip hard, you stop in your tracks again and force yourself to turn around. No, this just didn’t add up. And you didn’t want to trail after them like some kind of stalker.

You trust Yugyeom and you trust Jenny.

Hailing the nearest cab, you enter with a huff. It was like Jinyoung said, you were probably just spiraling.

-

“I’m home,” Yugyeom calls softly as he enters the house. You freeze in your seat at the kitchen table, despite having sat there for three hours for this very moment.

“Hey,” Yugyeom peeks his head into the kitchen, looking at you with furrowed eyes. “What are you doing just sitting here by yourself?”

You chuckle dryly, trying to shake off your nerves. “Oh, I guess I was just spacing out.”

He smiles at you before sitting down in the chair across from you. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything’s okay,” you lie. “How was work?”

“It was fine. Busy as usual,” Yugyeom shrugs. “What did you have for dinner?”

“I made pasta. There’s leftovers in the fridge for you.”

“It’s okay, I’m stuffed already.”

“Oh? You ate?”

Yugyeom’s eyes grow wide before he is blinking away, running his fingers through his hair. “Uh, yeah, um…Bambam, he bought me dinner.”

“That was nice of him,” you mumble. You breathe loudly, trying to keep yourself collected despite feeling like you were going to vomit with each second that passes.

He chuckles before raising his voice abruptly. “Anyways! Let’s talk about tomorrow!”

“Tomorrow? Did you have something in mind?” your chest jolts with hope.

“Actually, I was thinking you could have a girl’s day with Jenny! And then we could do something in the evening.”

“Jenny’s in town?” you watch him closely, noticing the way he licks at his lips and swallows.

“Oh! Yeah! I uh, I heard it from Bam. He must’ve seen a story update from her or something.”

You dig your nail into the cuticle bed of your thumbs as you listen to him lie straight to your face.

“Jenny didn’t text me though. She probably has something else going on this weekend.”

“Nope!” Yugyeom whips, smiling far too big for this conversation. “I messaged her about tomorrow already.”

“So, you want me to hang out with Jenny…on our anniversary?” You question slowly.

Yugyeom looks away, his ears flushed. He brushes at your hand. “Yeah, you two should catch up, get your nails done or something. You should really stop doing this to your nails.”

You look to your hands, your nail beds raw.

“I’m tired,” you mutter, getting up from your seat first. “I’m gonna go to bed first.”

“Oh, okay…well, just remember, you and Jenny at noon!”

You don’t answer.

-

“You’ve been awfully quiet,” Jenny turns to you with concern as the nail technician keeps her right hand hostage. “Is something bothering you?”

“Why are you in town again?” you ask, eyes concentrated on the deep red shade that your nail tech paints onto your fingernails.

“Oh!” In your peripheral, you can see her noticeably jolt. “I came for a conference on Friday and when Yugyeom reached out to me I decided to stay for the weekend.”

“A conference, huh?”

“Yeah,” she mumbles, turning back to her technician. “You know how much the beauty industry loves their conventions.”

“Must’ve been draining.”

“Yeah, totally. That’s why I didn’t text you I was in town. I was completely exhausted by the end of it that I completely forgot.”

“That’s understandable.”

“Mhm,” she turns back to you. “You should add a gold accent. Gold accent, please!”

Your nail tech nods, bringing out another tray of gold embellishment from underneath her desk. You turn your head, hearing the click of Jenny’s nails on the screen of her phone. There’s a bright smile on her face and it makes you want to burst into tears on the spot.

At first you thought maybe the two of them planned for Jenny to reveal the truth to you. You didn’t think Yugyeom was a coward but lately, none of the things you thought before make sense anymore. However, after hours spent with Jenny, all you’ve managed was getting prettier nails and lots of lies from who you thought was your best friend.

“Gorgeous,” Jenny coos, leaning in to admire your fingers. 

“Yeah,” you murmur half-heartedly, feeling your spirit fully deplete.

No confession comes. No explanation. When evening comes, Jenny sends you right back home. Your walk up to the apartment is slow. This is it, isn’t it? Gyeom needed time to prepare himself to break up with you. It’s why he didn’t want to be with you for your anniversary. 

Your stomach sinks when you get to your door. Was this your last time ever entering? Where were you going to move to? 

As the familiar tone of the keypad rings in your ear, hot tears prick at your eyes. Stepping into the house, your vision blurs as you step through the hallway and into the kitchen. Yugyeom is standing at the stove when he turns to you with a smile.

“You’re back!” he greets you. When you hear his laughter, tears spill down your cheeks. “Crying already, babe? You haven’t even tasted it.”

Hiccupping, you try to calm yourself but the more you try to contain the tears, the more your chest fills with fear and floods you. You cry even harder, a terrible wail leaving your throat.

The sound of tin crashes onto the floor and quickly, you are enveloped in Yugyeom’s warmth. The feeling only makes you more sick and you bury your face into his chest, crying harder. Your last embrace. Your last time being comforted by him. The thoughts send sharp pains straight to your chest.

Yugyeom holds you tight against him, taking the impact of your shaking body to his chest. “Baby, what’s wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?”

It’s a long time before you feel calm enough to stand on your own. When you finally do, stepping back from his arms, you feel yourself tearing up again from seeing the concern on his face.

“What happened?” he whispers, fingers reaching out for yours. 

You pull away though, taking another step back.

“Yugyeom,” your voice comes out shaky but determined. “Are we breaking up?”

Tears spill again.

Yugyeom looks at you with a shocked expression. “What? Where is this coming from?”

“You don’t love me anymore,” you cry.

“Of course I do! What are you talking about?” 

“Then why did you lie to me?” You look at him sharply, gaze severe despite the shine of tears. He doesn’t say anything, and the silence breaks your heart.

Lips quivering, you sit down at the kitchen table. “You lied to me. Jenny lied to me…H-how long? How long have you been doing this?”

“Baby,” Yugyeom whispers, bending to the floor. He rests his hands on your thighs, looking up at you and there are tears in his eyes two. “Baby…baby, you’ve got this all wrong.”

“Even if it’s not Jenny, it’s still not me, is it?” you whimper, tears spilling down your chin. They splatter on the back of his hands. “You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t want to share anything with me. Not even stories about your day.”

Tears run down Yugyeom’s cheeks as he presses a kiss to your knee.

“No, no, baby, you’re wrong.”

You sniff, cupping your palm to his wet cheek. “I want to be wrong. Please prove me wrong, Gyeom.”

“I was trying to keep it a secret,” he scoffs to himself, shaking his head. “I was planning this for months.”

“Planning?”

“I was so afraid I’d accidentally let it slip, or that you’d find it.”

You frown, brows furrowing in confusion now. “Find what, Gyeom?”

Yugyeom takes in a deep breath, breaking into a gentle smile as he glances down at the kitchen floor. Following his gaze, you realize he had dropped a tray of chocolates earlier.

“Chocolates?”

“Champagne Truffles,” he tells you, reaching down to grab one.

“You…you made a new recipe?”

Yugyeom lets out a loud sigh. “Good thing I marked it.”

You look at him, bewildered. He chuckles softly, turning to you again.

“I’m not going to break up with you, baby,” he laughs, digging his thumb into the spine of the chocolate until it bursts with a pop. “I’m trying to spend my whole life with you.”

Your hands to fly to your mouth in surprise as a fresh wave of tears spring to your eyes. He drops the chocolate shell to the floor, holding onto the shining gold band with shaking hands.

“Every day since meeting you,” his voice breaks and you cry, hands coming to cup his face as tears run down his cheeks too. “I thought I had a good life, and then I met you…And then I realized, I was missing everything before you came into my life.”

“Gyeom,”

He sniffs, breaking into a smile as more tears fall from his eyes. “Baby, you’re my everything. You’re the first person I want to tell anything to. You don’t know how hard it’s been trying to keep this from you.”

You laugh with him, “And Jenny.”

He nods. “She was helping me pick out the ring, plan the event, pick the flowers.”

You grin, pressing your forehead to his. “You bought me flowers!”

He laughs, nose brushing softly against yours. “Yeah, and a ring too…if you want it.”

“I do, I do, I do,” you giggle against him as your tears wet his cheek. 

He chuckles, breath ghosting your lips.

“Not yet, baby, that one’s for the wedding,” he chuckles and you laugh with him.

“Either way, it’s I do.”

[jcmorrigan]

001 - Tales of Zestiria?

Favorite character: It's a tough call between Maltran and Symonne, and Lunarre is trailing right behind both. I tend to call them the "Heldalf Squad," but make no mistake, Heldalf himself isn't part of it. I just like his swagalicious minions. The dry and sarcastic political manipulator, the sadistic and wordy theater nerd, and the flamboyant cannibal who hates everything. Yes. LOVE. But I have to give a shout to my boy Dezel on the hero side! Angsty/stoic characters are very hit-or-miss with me, but Dezel is the flavor I love - obvious soft spots and quirks, and slowly he builds from being antisocial to showing how big his heart is. When he stops the woman from leaping off the Guinevere tower...that's one of my favorite scenes in the entire game, because you can see when the switch flips, when he realizes that he CANNOT stay aloof any longer when there's a stranger's life on the line. He's still a grump about it but a compassionate grump.

Least Favorite character: Heldalf. His backstory is really clever, and I like the curse on him. But he himself just feels like Ganondorf but more boring. I kinda hate that he's so vanilla when his three lieutenants are in my arsenal of pet villains from the vastness of fiction. Also shout-out to Chancellor BART in the opening Ladylake act, because I distinctly remember liveblogging this to a friend, and I played Zestiria *after* Berseria (I'd loved Berseria and that's why I eventually sought out Zestiria) so here I am just comparing up the corrupt church in Ladylake to the Abbey's suave rogues gallery like "Yeah no BART has nothing on Lady Teresa Linares." Thankfully BART was never seen again.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): DezeRose, SorMik, Symonne x Coco Atarashi (The World Ends With You), Alisha Diphda x Sergei Strelka, and...I swear you have to bear with me here...Zaveid x Anna (Frozen). I also kinda wanna note a couple ships I'm on the fence about for my other favies - those being Maltran x Ebony Maw (Marvel Cinematic Universe or Marvel Ultimate Alliance) and Lunarre x Arkham (Devil May Cry).

Character I find most attractive: Dezel. It is a scientific fact that guys with pointy teeth are just hotter.

Character I would marry: Maybe Dezel, maybe Sergei. I wouldn't want to take them from those I see as their wifeys, but at the same time, they are husband goals, both of them.

Character I would be best friends with: Catch me clinging to Maltran's train and she drags me along annoyedly as I yell "PLEEEEAAASE LET ME HANG OUT WITH YOU GUYS" and Lunarre is losing it laughing while Symonne rolls her eyes

a random thought: So I toyed around with basically every accessory I picked up, and I decided to put the sideburns on Rose because fuck gender roles. Well then I just got used to seeing her with facial hair in every cutscene where her 3D model was used, and now I headcanon that she does get it. Maybe nonclassical CAH intersex? Like, I don't necessarily see her as trans (but I support everyone who hc's her as such) but moreso "a cis woman, but I grow this stupid damn facial hair like a dude and I don't get why." And this is why you shouldn't let me play with customizable accessories on RPG characters because I can and will abuse my privilege to headcanon.

An unpopular opinion: That this is actually a very good game. Listen, I think I get it - the initial marketing promised something far different. And that's disappointing. But coming back to it several years after its release, after the release of its PREQUEL, when I never had that hype building up...it actually exceeded my expectations. I held off from it for a while because I thought Eizen's fate would make me too sad, but that didn't end up the case at all. I actually had just come off playing a more recently-released triple-A game that was hyped up for years, and I completed it to my satisfaction in 20 hours. $80 for 20 hours. Zestiria gave me my money's worth in comparison; it took me about 60, and I loved just how MUCH story it had to offer me. I honestly like Rose better than Alisha anyway (Rose was one of the biggest aspects that interested me about playing it in the first place). I've also seen complaints that the characters weren't well-developed enough? Which I just kinda take to mean "They didn't angst enough." Listen. There are PLENTY of games out there if you want angst and sad stories. I don't really like sad stories in my games. I like adventures where the party is a goofy foundfam that jokes around with each other and helps each other work through shitty situations, and that's EXACTLY what I got. (And Berseria really worked on me too because it kinda started at the bottom of the angst barrel, then worked its way up through "The edgy and tortured protag has gained a party of idiots and oh noooooo she's learning friendship and happiness.") Dezel's death is one of the few game deaths that just made me SATISFIED to watch instead of depressed because of the closure he got and the themes tied into his final moments and sacrifice. I loved going on this adventure, I loved the idiots who I went on it with, and I loved seeing what Glenwood had to offer me in world design the further I explored.

my canon OTP: There's not much for canon romance in this game, come to think of it. Just subtext and some flirting. So I'm blanking on if there actually were any canon couples at all.

Non-canon OTP: DezeRose! Which maybe can be considered almost-canon based on the amount of subtext, but still. It's adorable. (And it's the exact same dynamic as EiRoku except M/F and a thousand years later. I need these four to double date...the dual-wielding goofs with their edgy, grumpy Reapers...)

most badass character: Rose! Not only able to wield the Shepherd's Armatization powers, but also to be a dang good assassin on her own, able to hold her own against Heldalf before she even had her eyes opened to seraphim! Though a shout-out goes to Edna because her armatization was my favorite to play with. There's something just satisfying about bashing the enemy in front of you with a pair of GIANT FISTS

pairing I am not a fan of: RoseAli. To be honest, it was at one point something I kinda enjoyed as a third-tier ship for Rose (Dezel first, then Lailah in second). But then...Alisha's Story. I didn't actually purchase it, thank goodness, just watched it on YouTube, and it was the most grating addition that anyone could've made to this game. First of all, I can sum up the issues with Alisha's Story by reminding everyone that it canonized a secret entrance to Camlann that was much easier to get to and wasn't protected by Muse's sacrifice. But the real thing that hurt to watch was how far down they had to knock Rose and Alisha's friendship to get them to rebuild from scratch. Rose claiming she was never Alisha's friend because she's grieving Sorey? The two of them getting into a PHYSICAL FISTFIGHT over it? Nope nope nope. That's not my Rose. Even less my Rose is that whole scene where she...you know...pounces on Alisha to dress her in the silly noblewoman's dress, and it's framed like...let's just say it's really uncomfortable to watch if you don't know the punchline is just a silly outfit. Even though Alisha's Story isn't canon in my head, it still really killed any buzz I had for RoseAli. I will also say I'm not a big fan of Eizavie - first of all, EiRoku or bust in this house, and second, I have a little bit of a hard time seeing Zaveid as mlm due to how much he goes on and on about The Ladies(TM). (Though I could see Eizen as having a tiny crush on him, though. Just like "Oh no he's hot but he's connected to Aifread's disappearance help")

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Mostly just in Alisha's Story. I was mad about the aforementioned Rose stuff, but also...like...they undid Lunarre's original cathartic death, they did so to team him back up with Symonne and then do a whole fakeout that they had Maltran with them too, but Maltran is just an illusion and immediately after this, Lunarre and Symonne just decide "Yeah, we're not gonna work together anymore, have a nice life." Why does Maltran need to stay dead if LUNARRE somehow survived EXPLODING? And just...look to next question for more clarification:

favourite friendship: I just want to imagine that Maltran, Lunarre, and Symonne were weird evil friends. The kind who'd take artistic selfies and caption them "Murder and mayhem with my besties!". Maybe they even had a sibling dynamic. They were all pretty dang jaded, so I like to think they sat around sometimes talking about the things in this world that did them wrong. The reasons they were drawn to Heldalf. Heldalf himself wouldn't have cared, he would've kicked them around like disposable tools, but the three of them were too entrenched in his dogma to see it. Maybe if they met up again after he was off the board...then they'd sing a different tune. Realize they're all three better than this, and now they're gonna do things THEIR way, because remember when they made a three-point attack on Glenwood and Sorey was barely able to keep up with them wrecking Lastonbell AND Pendrago AND Glaivend? Remember when Lunarre and Symonne had each other's backs the night Dezel died? Now they can do what they want on their terms! And I just - I have many MANY feelings about these three.

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: Okay silly self-insert time but the thing is, Archibald Snatcher (The Boxtrolls) and Roman Torchwick (RWBY) are my two favorite parental f/o's (and also my OTP to end all OTPs), and I have this thing about how they'd be PERFECT crime dads to Symonne in particular because she's like a little, more theatrical Neopolitan. So there's a universe in my head where Symonne is basically already my little sister, and I look out for her - well, okay, she's a seraph with powerful Artes and I am a powerless mortal so really she looks out for me because "I suppose SOMEONE has to make sure you don't die" and I am grateful to her for it.

[kyokkou]

oh hey !! do you mind sparing some knowledge about your muses during the meiji restoration and their opinions on adopting western challenges during the time?

I would LOVE TO !! First I want to apologize for how long this took to answer since I was thirsty to play Ghost of Tsushima and then I had work the next day so replies and everything definitely fell by the wayside. I hope this answer is coherent and along the lines of what you’re looking for; I didn’t want to be too academic so I went with more of their personal feelings during it.

I’ll start with Hikaru, who wanted snuggles and got struggles was miserable over the changes. In spite of how quick he was to trust the “things will be fine if we just” statements from Kiku, there was so much doubt and anxiety about everything, which was a pretty good way to sum up the transition from the Edo period to the Meiji restoration. Hikaru didn’t hate the west, but he didn’t appreciate the things they had to offer; he liked doing things his own way, as he had for centuries, and didn’t want to change. 

However, he did have to admit that Kiku had a point; they would themselves be consumed by the west if they didn’t play the game, and that was why he trusted that modernization and westernization was the right path to choose. Hikaru didn’t have much faith in it working out; there was a lot of growing pains among the citizenry at the time, and his own feelings were also representative of the conflict between the part of the citizenry that did not want westernization, and the part that did.

He had a lot of sympathy for Honoka, to be honest. She didn’t want to be a separate nation outside of the imperial rule; she just wanted to carry on the old ways of doing things while still remaining loyal to the emperor. Overall, though? Hikaru really just wanted to be done with war. He’d gone two centuries without a major conflict before the Boshin War broke out, and he was only relieved that he didn’t have to fight it himself. Regardless of his participation, though, he still felt the effects of it because of his connection to the population.

To his relief, Japan didn’t westernize to the point it was unrecognizable as he had initially feared. Japan (and by extension, the two of them) kept their identity even as they modernized. Though this bleeds into the Taisho era (one of my favorite things about the Meiji and Taisho eras is the aesthetic of modern juxtaposed with traditional Japan. Western-style buildings surrounded by the traditional architecture of the city, and eventually the Imperial Crown style architecture in the Taisho era) I still think it’s worth mentioning because this was part of why I always thought of them as easily two separate people who wanted two separate things. 

Kiku, on the other hand, he was all for embracing the changes that had to be made to “catch up” with the west; it was the whole reason he existed, to make sure Hikaru was never again held hostage on his own shores by a foreign nation. However, that embrace was very superficial; it wasn’t that he particularly enjoyed the old system of doing things, but he simply despised the west. He didn’t want to become like them just to be respected; he felt they should be respected regardless, as an older nation that had existed for centuries before the likes of America / Alfred. It’s a grudge he still holds today, claiming the only good to come of it was the Imperial Navy at the height of its splendor.

He was probably just as afraid as Hikaru was of losing his identity as he aged with the country during those years, but if anything, his sense of national identity and pride grew stronger-- too strong, even. While he wasn’t embracing tradition nearly as much as Hikaru, there were things about himself that he refused to change for the west. Things like using a kiseru instead of smoking cigarettes, or having an older sword mounted as his military sword rather than adopting a western design for that purpose. Little things to contrast the drastic way he cut his hair and stopped wearing any traditional garments whenever possible. Outwardly western, but inwardly, little habits would die hard. 

Kiku did not want to become the west, but as it goes, you become the thing you hate the most and he ends up being just like them starting with his aggression in the first Sino-Japanese war. He justifies himself in these early moves to conquer, insisting that it’s different from the west in that we’ve never done this before, and now they will come to respect us. His proudest moment in the Meiji era was the Russo-Japanese war; no one expected Russia to be embarrassed by a much smaller island nation which had just gone through five decades of modernization and still didn’t construct its own capital ships.

It’s easy to see how he ended up spiraling so quickly, since he was driven by his absolute hatred for the west. Sure, it got results (”I have to do this better than anyone has ever done it before, because I despise them and want to prove I’m superior in the face of their criticisms of me”) but it also made it very easy for him to become exactly like them, and consumed by his hatred enough to do things that were, in hindsight, pretty fucking stupid, not to mention the terrible things that were done as Japan became a great power on par with the west. Just like the western colonial empires, it wasn’t pretty what became of the people who were forced under imperial rule. 

[annecoulmanross]

Thoughts on “Terror of the Arctic” (2005), aka, “I listened to the Doctor Who audio drama episodes about the lost Franklin Expedition so that you don’t have to!”

Alright terror-friends, this was not how I expected to spend my day, but I have now listened to all eight episodes of the 2005 Doctor Who Audio Drama series “Terror of the Arctic,” featuring all of the ~ familiar ~ icy ~ boys ~ meeting the infamous Doctor. 

With arguably more horrifying sexist/racist content than the 2007 Simmons novel, this audio drama actually predicted a lot of the tropes that Simmons popularized, including ship-board conflicts that escalate to stabbings, the appearance of supernatural creatures from Inuit oral traditions, and even a squick-y romance between Crozier and a much younger Inuit woman. 

To clarify, I do not recommend you listen to these episodes. They’re a hot mess, and a really jarring departure from the beauty of The Terror (2018). 

HOWEVER I highly recommend you look below the cut for episode-by-episode notes about the first Franklin Expedition adaptation that has well and truly driven me up the wall. So, welcome to the world of “Terror of the Arctic” (2005), featuring:

Crozier, (pronounced "Crow-zee-eyy,”) a polite door-mat of a captain with an agonizing lack of snark and minimal personality beyond “the only white man who can magically fix racism.” 

Fitzjames the “proper English officer” who has every prejudice you can imagine – and a couple more you can’t. 

Le Vesconte, the irrepressible lad with an inexplicable American accent and extreme boy-scout-gone-crazy energy. 

Sgt. Tozer, who has a bad habit of punching people in the face even though his superior officers haven’t yet told him he’s allowed to do so. 

Also featuring: Cybernetic Tuunbaq aliens! Complete breakdown of shipboard protocol! Expected amounts of cannibalism! And more! (spoilers, obviously) 

Episode 1

– We start with a mandatory brief appearance from the Doctor and his companion Christine. I don’t (initially) hate this iteration of the Doctor – he’s very paternalistic and old-fashioned, but at least the voice actor’s competent. Christine’s voice, tragically, is high-pitched beyond all reason and laced with a variety of odd dialectical features. Some quick research reveals she’s supposed to be a 15 year old from medieval England. She sounds neither like a teenager nor a medieval person. From the very beginning, her character seems very infantilized, and plays into a lot of the Born Sexy Yesterday tropes, even if she and the Doctor aren’t a thing. 

– Next, we have Sir John Franklin giving the “we’ve been stuck in the ice for nine months, here’s what you missed” sum-up. 

– Sir John’s voice is gravelly 👏 as 👏 fuck; also, I don’t think that the phrase “to sugar-coat it” was a common 1840s expression? Correct me if I’m wrong history folks.

– Crozier shows up to give his “we should start walking out now” speech, minus any passion or conviction whatsoever; he bends immediately to Franklin’s whims. Crozier’s voice is quite high-pitched, and Sir John pronounces his name “Crow-zee-eyy.” (Update: everyone pronounces it this way!!! Uhmmm!) Though I struggle to judge accents, Crozier’s Irish accent sounds... leprechaun-ish. It’s not Jared Harris by a long mile. 

– Not gonna lie, I kind of love how much Fitzjames sounds like a posh bastard. He immediately gets into a one-sided shouting match with Crozier and has to be reprimanded by Franklin. 

– Lieutenant Irving appears on the scene; I don’t know what Irving’s accent is, but it sure is something.

– All of the officers seem to currently be on the same ship for some reason but I don’t know why. We’ve met Sir John, Crozier, Fitzy, and Irving, and Gore’s been mentioned, as have doctors Peddie and Stanley. And they’re all in the same boat. Guess we’re just ignoring Terror for now? 

– Franklin begins narrating as he writes in the log-book: “11th June, 1847.” Oh BOY guess what day it is!!

– RIP Franklin (surprise, surprise). We have no real idea yet how this has happened. 

– Fitzjames, talking to Sir John’s mysterious corpse: “Captain, what could have done this to you?” 

– Fitzjames: “We have a killer loose on this ship” (Fitz gets ALL the best lines, apparently. Do they make sense? No. Are they hilarious? Yes.)

– Irving is shockingly nonchalant when the Doctor and Christine appear from nowhere out on the ice. Why is Irving so chill when he thinks that these two people are the lone survivors of a DIFFERENT failed expedition?

– Fitz apparently has refused to let Crozier start the walk-out after Franklin died. (Um, that’s not how the chain of command works?)  

– We learn that Beechey-boy Braine apparently died of sudden-onset-scurvy. What is sudden-onset-scurvy, you ask? We do not yet know. 

– Irving, happily describing their recent course of action: “...Ignoring the advice of our ships’ ice masters...” Oh god Irving don’t sound so happy about that. Blanky’s going to take an ice-axe to your head. (Tragically, Blanky does not appear in this show.) 

– Lieutenant Gore has ALSO died of sudden-onset-scurvy. RIP Graham Gore.

– Is the Doctor going to focus on the existence of sudden-onset-scurvy? No, we’re gonna hyperfixate on the high officers-to-crew death rate! And he’s going to infodump about officers’ privileges TO Irving, an officer, and muse about how odd it is that more officers than crew are dying when the officers get all the best food! 

– Fitz, the “proper English officer” apparently has managed to get about half the men to refuse to follow the orders of their expedition commander, because he happens to be Irish. Babe, this is a really bad look!

– Irving, our good Christian Irving, just swore “By Jove” in a weirdly sexy voice.

– Tozer has Extreme Deep Voice.

– Irving: “There’s something odd about them I just don’t trust.” Why on earth wouldn’t you trust two strangers who wandered up to you on the ice and asked if you were “human,” John Irving? What’s “odd” about that?

– The Doctor only remembers that he does actually know the events of the Franklin expedition after he reads the entire Victory Point Note. 

– Irving has suddenly decided to threaten to shoot the Doctor and his companion. Irving promptly gets attacked. 

* jarring transition to triumphant Doctor Who music *

Episode 2

– The ~mysterious~ attack on Irving has left weird wounds on Irving’s neck. I’m calling it, Ice Vampires!

– We have an Edward Little appearance! His voice is so sweet and gentle! And then... “I’ll have Sergeant Tozer shoot you both where you stand!” Okay, maybe not... (Update: Little is, in fact, very awful to several people. As we will see, all of the lieutenants and marines swing between weirdly nonchalant dudes and trigger-happy maniacs.) 

– Tozer just punched the Doctor’s lights out, unprompted. 

– Crozier: “Good old John Peddie... he’s like a brother to me.” Well THAT’S not a friendship I expected.

– So Dr. Peddie has brought a young Inuit woman in to Crozier’s cabin to have a “lovely chat.” Awkward book!Crozier/Silna energies. The woman’s name is Liak. She speaks with a vaguely Spanish and/or Italian accent. 

– Liak: “I have been with my tribe. They would not allow me to come back to see you.” /  Crozier: “Why? It’s not because of Fitzjames is it?” 

– (It’s not because of Fitzjames. It’s because of evil spirits, obviously.)

– The Doctor, once they get back to the ships, explaining to the higher officers what’s happened: “Mr. Tozer got all excited and could no longer restrain his Neanderthal-like impulse to start clubbing things.” Boy this by show is NOT for Tozer fans. (Note: Tozer is standing right there? In the room? When the Doctor says this?)

– The Doctor just dropped an f-bomb?????????? And not as an expression of shock, but a hard-core sexual use of the f-bomb. Literally, he said “you can let Tozer fuck me again” – did I mishear this????????????

– Irving’s dying words: “I was attacked by a large silver creature with claws!” Wait did Dan Simmons rip off a fan-made 2005 Doctor Who Audio Drama?

– RIP Irving, first confirmed victim of “Tuunbaq the First.”

– Fitzjames is SO racist, throwing around a lot of “savage” and “barbarian” words. Why are you letting this man walk all over you, Crozier?

– Crozier: the first person who has the correct reaction to two weirdos appearing on his boat (aka shock and surprise, rather than worrying nonchalance followed by unprompted extreme aggression.)

– Fitzjames literally laughed after being informed that Irving is dead. (Like Crozier’s bad Raft of the Medusa joke, but SO MUCH WORSE.) 

– RIP Ice Master Reid, actual first confirmed kill of “Tuunbaq pre-Tuunbaq,” several weeks ago, apparently??

– Okay so Fitz here is obviously meant to be a horrible person, but I have to acknowledge that he’s making a few good points: (1) the Doctor has admitted that he has a “sailable” ship, and it’s pretty rude of him to not even explain why he’s unwilling to help these dying men, and (2) it’s been bothering me the whole episode that the Doctor hasn’t been calling officers by their titles, and frankly, I do think Fitz is within his rights to demand the Doctor call him “Captain Fitzjames” rather than “Mr. Fitzjames” on Fitz’s own ship. Like, it’s not that hard.

– The Doctor’s first example of “ways the Franklin crew could mess up the time stream” is the insane scenario: “what if one of them married the mother of Winston Churchill.”

– The “Tuunbaq: The Prequel” can talk!!!!!! “Hello meat!!!” it says, gleefully. 

– Tozer is just the fucking most. He punched the Doctor AGAIN.

– Crozier just “Mr. Fitzjames”ed Fitz!! And Fitz backed down! Crozier finally grew a spine! Just in time to decide to commandeer the Doctor’s ship. 

– The Doctor’s ship inevitably disappears before it can be commandeered. Because of course. (Things and people disappear and get transported to different places and later times all through these episodes for timey~wimey~reasons.) 

Episode 3

– A conversation between the two named female characters (Liak and the Doctor’s companion Christine)! What will they talk about? ...Their dead fathers. Ah. Hmm.

– This show is not sophisticated enough to handle a “white man’s disease killed my father” subplot. And yet, Liak’s father died of TB he contracted from the white men. I’m *worried*

– To help Liak overcome the superstitious antagonism of her “tribe” after her father’s death, Crozier apparently gave a bunch of food to the Inuit, which is  an... interesting take. (One Irishman’s grand gesture fixes racism!)

– Magical Inuit shaman powers are only inherited through the male line (The racism and sexism in this is palpable.)

– So “Tuunbag Episode I: Revenge of the the Tuunbaq” is actually a larger coalition of aliens, run by a being called “Matriarx.” Can we decide whether woman are powerless victims or power-hungry monsters, please? Both is just greedy.

– RIP Strong (another tragic case of the triple threat: sudden onset scurvy, lead poisoning, AND Tuunbaq attack)

– Wait WAIT the Tuunbaq gave Strong the lead poisoning AND the scurvy by biting his neck and sucking his blood, stealing nutrients and leaving lead in their place: Ice Vampires!! I called it!!!

– Groups of people Fitz has verbally degraded: the Irish, the Inuit, all women, and now “common folk.”

Episode 4

– Le Vesconte’s first lines! He sounds like a Boy Scout, by which I mean he sounds about 16, and has an American accent? Also, Fitz pronounces his name “Leh-vay-cont” 

– An AB named “Seeley” is writing an account of the events that are happening, perhaps as this show’s version of Bridgens and/or Peglar? Also Fitz is REALLY opposed to Seeley writing this, because Fitz hates “common folk” that much, apparently? 

– RIP Seeley, we hardly knew ye. 

– Major episode events: the walk-out begins, leaving Terror and Erebus just as the boats slip into another dimension because of alien reasons (this didn’t age well, now that we have the shipwrecks). Also, there’s an Inuit woman who is in league with the cybernetic-alien-Tuunbaq-vampires. 

Episode 5

– As soon as the walk-out begins, the cybernetic-alien-Tuunbaq-vampires begin attacking. 

– Boy Scout Le Vesconte: “I have an idea! If bullets won’t stop them maybe an axe will!” I mean, this is stupid enough for our Dundy, but he follows it up with “Murderers! I’ll hack you to pieces!” and rushes them like a child and has to be rescued. (Also Crozier is way WAY more concerned for Le Vesconte than Fitz is, though Fitz leaps into the rescue effort and Crozier... does not do that. He’s doing a lot of standing on the sidelines and bemoaning his dying men.)

– Peddie is basically just Crozier’s all-purpose lieutenant at this point. Little and Hodgson whomst? 

– Le Vesconte, Fitz, and Tozer get struck by lightning WHILE fighting the Tuunbaq, and some Frankenstein stuff seems to happen, because Fitz now has the munchies. But like, the ominous munchies. 

– Le Vesconte’s in something like a coma. The dumb boy-scout. 

– While explaining why the Netsilik have legends about these aliens as “evil spirits,” the Doctor implies that errors in the historical record happen “especially” in oral traditions. Can we stop insulting the Inuit oral historians please?  

– The cybernetic-vampire-aliens can mind-control their victims sometimes. Calling it now: Fitzjames is under the mind-control already. 

– Liak is revealed to possibly be in cahoots with the aliens, because she has a necklace that her sister gave her that’s actually an alien tracker. 

– Fitzjames, upon learning that Liak may be in league with aliens, attempts to physically kill her with his bare hands, and has to be restrained. 

– Crozier hears murmurs about mutiny, and assigns this poor Marine named Hopcraft to find out more about the mutiny and report back to him. Next morning: RIP Hopcraft, first victim of the “we’re knifing each other” stage of events (aka this show’s Irving.)

Episode 6

– Lieutenant Little, who got separated from Fitzjames and Crozier, tries to comfort ship’s boy Chambers, whose use of the term “panic attacks” is a little anachronistic; a small gripe in the grand scheme of things.

– The Tuunbaq-aliens attack Little’s camp and wipe them all out, leaving Little to the last. Edward Little, a British Christian naval officer in the 1840s, gasps out “I’ll see you in Hades” as his dying words. (Someone write me Little/Irving neo-pagan fanfic for this mess?)

– The Doctor is playing detective, trying to solve Hopcraft’s death. He finds footprints, and both Liak and Tozer are missing. 

– The Doctor calls attention to Tozer’s “enormous feet.” Weird.

– We have our first cannibalism! Perpetrated by Tozer, and uhhhh oh great we’re eating Dr. MacDonald for dinner tonight.

– Le Vesconte woke up from his coma just in time to brain Tozer to death.

– The Doctor: “There were no women’s bones at any of the sites [of the lost expedition remains]” that’s a hilarious comment given that one study suggesting as many as four female skeletons.

– RIP Le Vesconte, from his wounds, offscreen!! Nooo!!

– Tozer (and Fitzjames, and a few others), because they all got struck by the lightning, now have Frankenstein’s cannibalism curse. They all hunger for human flesh.

– Fitzjames is now a sneaky murderer-cannibal who manages to gain Crozier’s trust before turning around and trying to butcher him. As least my evil boy is smart? 

Episode 7

– The big bad reveal: it’s Liak’s secret evil sister! (Just like Season 4 of Sherlock!) She’s been helping the Tuunbaq-aliens the whole time because she hates white men! Because they gave her dad TB and one of them broke her heart! Thanks, it’s bad! 

– The Tuunbaq-aliens eat Liak’s sister anyway because they do not care. 

– Liak, Crozier, the Doctor, and Christine are left to defeat the Tuunbaq-aliens. 

– Fitz feels a little bad about eating people I guess? Also Fitz is “weak” and can’t resist his hunger and all those fun tropes.

Episode 8

– Fitzjames gets a redemption arc via heroic self-sacrifice narrative, complete with death via horrid gurgling. “He sacrificed himself in a last act of humanity.”

– The Doctor agrees to give Crozier a lift to somewhere a bit further south, on the assumption that Crozier will settle down with Liak and live with some “tribe” of other Inuit people that neither of them have ever met. 

– There’s a parting joke about Crozier enjoying drinking wine that did NOT age well.

And that’s all, folks! Hope you... enjoyed? 

[bakugous-abs]

Iida x Fem reader where she's really dull, and kind of a rebel so Iida despises her but the entire class ships it so they constantly set them up, with both of them being clueless, until they finally realizes they actually have feelings for each other? Iida needs more love!!

~Admin Eun

Tenya Iida was a man of authority. He followed the rules and he always looked prim and proper when presenting himself to others. He believed that rules were there to be followed and were put in place to protect others, including himself.

(Name) (Last Name) was a woman of defiance. She had her own personal set of rules that she followed without thinking, and truthfully she didn’t focus on how she appeared to others. She hated being restrained, and she believed that sometimes rules were meant to be broken.

The two couldn’t be more different, and even a fool could see that. Tenya had a tendency to put those who broke the rules in their place. Physically, Tenya was an intimidating figure. He was tall, lean, and had a face of steel the majority of the time in a professional classroom. (Name), on the other hand, could sincerely care less. No matter how many times Aizawa would look at her, she would always prop her feet up on the desk. Her philosophy was that it did no harm, but Tenya’s philosophy was that it was disrespectful. (Name) wore her skirt a little shorter than the other girls, and her blazer was never buttoned properly. Tenya’s uniform was always pressed free of any wrinkles and his tie was perfectly done.

Now, Tenya wasn’t the type of person to dislike people easily, especially his classmates. He was a generally nice person and could get along with anyone if they could handle him. Try as he may, he just couldn’t bring himself to feel anything other than annoyance when it came to (Name). He couldn’t comprehend how or why she chose to be so stubborn in her insubordination. What was the point? Was it to come off as cool and confident? Well, that couldn’t be it. The girl barely cared about her grades, much less what others thought of her. Was it to present herself as a threat to others? Again, no. She simply didn’t care.

Tenya thought that this was no behavior for an aspiring hero. He could recognize her talent and her sheer drive, but her cooperativeness was at a standstill at rock bottom. It wasn’t like she was violent or cruel to others, but any time she was given an order she simply did what she wanted to do. He wouldn’t ever admit it to himself, but Tenya simply didn’t like her. He was the class representative—he was supposed to represent the entire class. How could he represent someone like that—someone who refused help from others and paid no mind to his words whatsoever?

Even though the two students at topic didn’t get along in the slightest, the rest of their peers somehow managed to see them as what would be classified as a ‘good pair’ (that being said, if Tenya ever caught wind of this he would laugh in their face). Perhaps it was because a large sum of them were optimists (or idealists, for that matter), but they found themselves coming up with fantasy-based schemes to push the two opposites together. The ringleaders behind it all were namely Ochaco and Denki, the two peppy individuals set on getting their classmates together. Sometimes Mina would pitch in, but for Ochaco and Denki it was like a mission.

It started on a Monday.

They decided to play it safe for now. Ochaco sat on the outside of (Name) and Denki on the outside of Tenya in the cafeteria, forcing the two victims together. (Name) audibly sighed, and Tenya tensed. Realizing how stiff his muscles were, Tenya attempted to calm himself. He exhaled, pushing the rim of his glasses up before picking up his chopsticks. Surely the girl couldn’t do anything to bother him at lunch, right.

Not even a second after that thought, Tenya watched in horror as (Name) brought her legs up and crossed them, sitting crossed-legged in the booth.

“Wh-What are you doing?!” he sputtered, nearly dropping his chopsticks. (Name) shot him only a sideways glance as she continued working on her lunch. “I’m sitting,” she replied bluntly.

“You’re sitting disrespectfully!”

“It’s not my problem that you’re annoyed with it…No one else seems to care,” she spat. Tenya sat there in his seat, fuming. (Name) sighed, standing. “Let me out please, Ochaco. I can’t take this.”

Ochaco watched in disappointment at (Name) walked away, prematurely ending her lunch.

“Can’t she just act proper for once,” Tenya muttered under his breath. Ochaco and Denki looked at each other with blank stares. If something that simple was able to mess things up, how could their plan worked? Still, stubborn as they were, the two started brainstorming other ways to make their mission a success.

The next time it happened was a Wednesday, two days after the first attempt. Ochaco called for an ‘impromptu’ outing for the entire class to attend after school. “For fun!” she had exclaimed, but only a few knew of her underlying intentions. Tenya attended without much complaint, and (Name) attended with a little help (force) from Ochaco herself.

“Everyone meet near the front gate ten minutes after class ends,” Ochaco explained. Later on she made a group chat where she ‘accidentally’ excluded Tenya and (Name) from with instructions to meet thirty minutes after.

(Name) stood there, arms crossed. She was little peeved that she was the only one standing there, looking like a loner of some sorts. Her head whipped around when she heard footsteps, her expression relieved. Once she saw the face behind a pair of spectacles, her expression dropped.

“Oh.”

“‘Oh’?!” Tenya repeated incredulously. He wasn’t too happy to see that it was just her either, but forcing himself to remain respectful, he kept his composure. (Name), however, didn’t respond and simply ignored him as he stood beside her tensely. (Name) glanced over at him and let out a snort.

“What is so funny?” he cried. From his perspective, he hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary to draw a laugh from her. “You’re so stiff, man. Do you ever lighten up?”

“I am simply acting professional…” He attempted to refrain himself from speaking any further, but it didn’t work. His mouth opened before he could object. “Do you ever follow the rules?” Tenya watched as her expression contorted into shock. For a moment, he believed he had offended her.

“Pfft..” She stifled a laugh before letting it out boisterously. Tenya stared at her. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t ever tell what she was thinking and he couldn’t ever figure out her reactions. He continued to gape at her in confusion before she calmed herself down, wiping a faux tear for impact. “Man, didn’t know the class rep. had it in him to sass someone back! I’m proud of ya.” She looked up at him with a smile—more of a smirk, really—and for some reason he found himself smiling back. He hadn’t ever witnessed this side of her, but he liked it immensely better than her ‘rebel’ personality.

(Name) playfully punched his arm. “Come on! Hit me with another line like that!” Even though he refused and she insisted, Tenya didn’t feel any annoyance for the girl. Instead, he seemed to actually feel relaxed and perhaps a bit entertained.

And so, the mutual understanding of one another began. Perhaps they weren’t friends, but (Name) liked to mess with Tenya whenever she felt the need to. Rather than get irritated with her actions, Tenya would find himself doing some of what she requested to get a reaction. Alternatively, (Name) would actually muse him by listening to him when he scolded her for something she had done.

“(Name), please refrain from putting your feet on the desk.”

“Pfft, as stuck up as always,” she huffed before setting her feet flat on the ground. “Happy, Your Highness?” Instead of stiffening up his muscles and muttering negatively under his breath, Tenya shot her a small smile and (Name) stuck her tongue out at him. The two had come to actually tolerate—no, enjoy each others presence. (Name’s) carefree and playful side was what Tenya needed to loosen up even if it was just a tad, and Tenya’s strict nature was what (Name) needed to start becoming more open.

Ochaco and Denki were sure that their mission was a success. It was inevitable, right? Ochaco watched as (Name) and Tenya walked the halls together, bantering back and forth respectively.

.

Over time, Tenya actually found himself looking forward to (Name’s) company. Instead of being a one dimensional figure of rebellion, Tenya learned that she had different sides to her beyond the apathetic exterior. He enjoyed discovering such personalities and seeing her different reactions.

Tenya was, well, in a word, dense. The boy was intelligent of course, but when it came to things like feelings—especially romantic feelings—he was dense. When (Name) passed him briefly in the hall with the side comment of, “Looking sexy today, Tenya!” he stopped. His heart started thumping like it did whenever he worked out or whenever he felt anxious. The way his face started to warm and his hands got all clammy confused him, and he didn’t know what to think of it. The days that followed that single sentence, Tenya found his throat becoming dry whenever he would talk to (Name). His sentences were choppy and soft, and for the life of him he couldn’t understand why.

So, he decided to take it up with his most outgoing friend—Ochaco. It was at early evening, and Tenya had just finished his homework. His hands shook ever so slightly as he typed out, ‘May I talk to you?’ on his cellular device and sent it to Ochaco. Almost immediately, he got a response.

Tenya explained to his friend that there was this person (who remained anonymous) who he was once mildly comfortable around but now made him feel nervous. He explained that his face and ears would feel hot whenever he was around them and he found himself anticipating their next interaction. After he sent a paragraph of his feelings, he received an incoming call from Ochaco. Almost immediately after Tenya said, “Hello?” her voice squealed into his phone.

“Iida!! You have a crush!!”

“What?! No, I don’t think—“

“You get nervous around them and you blush whenever you talk to them! You totally have a crush!” she enthused. Tenya bit his lip and kept silent for a moment. That couldn’t be it…Right?

“You have to tell them!”

“What? No!” he exclaimed, feeling embarrassed at his sudden outburst and composing himself seconds after. Ochaco, although he couldn’t see it, rolled her eyes. “Yes! If you keep these feelings bottled up you’re just going to get sad. Come on, please?”

Tenya sighed. He thought it over, Ochaco waiting in anticipation. “…Okay.”

Ocahco squealed, the noise being so loud that Tenya had to pull the device away from his ears to let her finish. “Tell me how it goes!”

“Wait, what—“ And then she hung up. Tenya retracted his phone from his ear and stared at the screen. Could he really do it? He wasn’t sure, but…Ochaco was right. It wasn’t good to keep these feelings pent up in his mind.

Throughout the day following his chat with his friend, Tenya was uncharacteristically nervous. He spaced out in class and couldn’t concentrate on his work that was right in front of him. The night prior he decided that he would confess to (Name) after school. Of course, that was the day that seemed to drag on forever, only adding to his anxiety further. Finally, the last bell rang and he hurried to pack up his things. Whenever he turned to look for (Name), though, she was already gone. Tenya was never one to run in the halls, of course, but that day he did. He sped out of the building and his eyes scanned the crowd of students leaving through the front gate.

“(Name)!” he called out. He felt the stare of others on him and immediately blushed, but his outburst worked in his favor despite that. A head perked up in the crowd before their figure turned, beelining for him.

“Hey, class rep!” she teased. “Need something?”

No matter how many times he had rehearsed this the night before, he found himself unable to speak. At this point, there were only a few stragglers exiting the school, but overall (Name) and Tenya were alone together. At the lack of response, (Name) creased her brow and poked at Tenya’s chest.

“You okay? You gonna say something?”

Before Tenya could even comprehend, his mouth opened and out flew the words he had been struggling to say. “I-I like you!” (Name) recoiled, almost stunned at the sentence and the casual tone of it. Her eyes widened as she stared at him. His face was a shade darker than red, but his eyes were locked on to hers.

“And I understand that it may in fact be unprofessional to date someone who I very well may likely work alongside in the future, but I could not hold these feelings in any longer because—“

(Name), smiling, gripped the collar of his blazer. The blazer that was always pressed clean, wrinkled. She pulled him down until he was at eye-level with her, her mouth curved into a smirk.

“Well why didn’t ‘ya just say so?” she chuckled before pressing her lips against his.

Tenya knew it wasn’t appropriate to be showing signs of affection on school grounds. In fact, that was probably one of the worst rules to break. But at that moment, Tenya Iida, the prim and proper gentleman, discarded the rules.

He kissed her—his opposite, the one he was previously annoyed with the most—and smiled.

Tenya Iida was a man of authority. He always followed the rules.

He always followed the rules, but for (Name) (Last Name), a woman of defiance, he could disregard any rule that life presented him with.

[empireburned-archive]

jen pick three of your ocs that you don't get to write enough AND TELL US ABOUT THEM

HMMM this is a tough one lottie but let’s see…  i’m gonna cheat and do four

autumn mills.  Okay so Autumn is my newest OC and honestly I’ve completely fallen in love with her.  So she is a muse based on Amazon’s series The Boys, but she is compatible with really any superhero genre universe.  She’s had the ability to manipulate the elements ever since she was a child  (she currently doesn’t know that she was administered Compound V as an infant).  Unfortunately, she kind of relates her abilities to her parents’ constant exploitation of her for fame and money, so she’s a bit jaded when it comes to what she can do.  For that reason, she doesn’t really have much interest in using her powers to ‘save the world,’  nor does she really feel the obligation to help anyone.  She’s also very much aware that supes tend to be nothing more than products created and marketed by rich people, and she’s very vocal against the whole concept of the Seven because they’re more or less greedy frauds in her opinion.  BASICALLY she’s just a very jaded young woman who really just needs to find something to believe in again.  She’s been on her own for so long (she left home at the age of 18 and never looked back) that she really just doesn’t believe in the good of humanity, and I’m really looking forward to the prospect of what her character development can be like.

lydia shaw.  I have a LOT of feelings about my baby Lydia.  I’ve always been extremely fascinated by the tragedy of the Titanic, so she kind of reflects that.  Basically, Lydia was born to a wealthy family in England.  It’s a tale as old as time;  she butts heads with her stuffy mother a lot.  Her brother James is her best friend.  She’s also pretty much a daddy’s girl, although even some of his expectations for her rub her the wrong way.  Anyways, her entire family takes the ill-fated maiden voyage of the Titanic to New York.  Lydia’s a bright-eyed girl who sees all sorts of possibilities in New York to spread her wings and perhaps finally break out of the cage that is the repressed aristocratic culture she’s been raised in.  She’s very sweet and idealistic, and generally believes in the good in the world.  While on that voyage, she meets Sam Fisher, an employee of the White Star Line, and she’s pretty much smitten with him from the first moment she sees him.  He’s kind of the first love interest she’s had in her life, so she crushes on him very hard.  But of course things end terribly.  Although she fights to stay with the men in her life (her family and Sam), eventually, Lydia is set into a lifeboat with her mother and rowed away from the sinking ship.  She loses her brother, her father, and (she believes) Sam to the wreck.

The tragedy really forces Lydia to grow up and give up on a lot of her dreams.  It’s the first time she’s harshly introduced to the idea that life is full of hardships.  For quite a while, she’s a ghost of her former self.  Her mother tries to make the best of their circumstances in New York, and often comes across as though she’s not affected by what’s happened, which becomes an area of contention between the two of them.  Eventually, her mother pressures her into accepting the proposal of the son of a wealthy oil tycoon, which she inevitably does.  And even though he’s not a terrible guy, he’s still not someone she loves, so that’s a struggle for her.  Inevitably, Lydia becomes a bit rebellious and chops her hair into a bob and becomes a full-fledged flapper, much to her mother’s dismay, and really she’s just trying to find her way in the world and she needs love and friendship and something to kind of help her feel alive again

hattie price.  So Hattie really started off being just a convenient figure in a much larger Victorian era plot with Lottie and Ace, but she’s kind of become so much more than that to me?  Like when I first created her, the idea I had in my head was of this vindictive, shallow woman and she evolved into one of the most selfless and compassionate muses I’ve written.  Basically, her family life has never been great.  Her parents always doted on her older brother;  he was the star of the family, and they set a lot of expectations and hope on his shoulders.  Hattie was an accident more than anything, and was often treated as such.  She was usually ignored and neglected in favour of her brother.

But then her brother foolishly got himself into a duel and was killed as a result.  With only Hattie left as a potential bargaining chip for the family and their continued wealth, the Prices had her married off to Edward Teague, a man who couldn’t have been less interested in her if he’d tried.  Basically, she goes from being neglected by her parents to being neglected by her husband.  He inevitably strikes up an affair with one of the maids, Maria Sparrow, which results in the birth of Jack.  But of course, in an effort to avoid scandal, Hattie and Maria are both sent away for the duration of Maria’s pregnancy, and when Hattie returns, they pass Jack off as her son.  While she is understandably bitter about the circumstances, she loves the hell out of Jack and raises him to the best of her abilities, and always makes sure that he knows he’s loved and taken care of.

Honestly, Hattie is just so lonely though??  Her husband hates her, and when Jack finds out he’s been lied to his whole life, he kind of shuts her out too.  She definitely struggles with depression, even if she tries to hide it.  She just needs love and attention and friends and basically something to keep her HAPPY because she’s such a supportive and loving person herself and she deserves better.

jacqueline rousseau.  AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, Jacqueline.  Jackie is my oldest OC in the indie world.  She actually used to have her own blog before I got into the multimuse game.  She’s a very independent woman.  She’s got a temper (typical Aries) and isn’t afraid to give a tongue-lashing when needed.  She had a very rough childhood.  Her mother died shortly after giving birth to her brother Christophe, and her father (who was already a belligerent gambler with a drinking problem) became ten times more abusive when saddled with two children he never wanted.  Jacqueline became her brother’s sole caretaker, and probably would have continued on that path, had her father not attempted to sell her to a local brothel for a decent sum of money.  She was forced to leave St. Lucia at that point, and because she didn’t have the means to care for Christophe as well as herself, had to leave him behind with the promise that she would return for him as soon as possible.

From there, Jacqueline stowed away aboard a pirate ship, unbeknownst to her, and rather unintentionally fell into piracy.  Her quick wit, scrappy nature, and “lack of ladylike manners” led her to fit in rather well, and with the captain’s protection, she eventually became a part of the crew. There, she learned how to fight, how to shoot a pistol, how to handle a sword, etc.  With this experience, Jacqueline decided that she would have to earn her way up the ranks and become a pirate captain herself.  Once she had a ship of her own, she’d be able to return to St. Lucia and rescue her brother from her father’s clutches.

Jackie’s a very reckless woman.  She’s definitely a spitfire.  But she’s also very compassionate, especially when it comes to people who are down on their luck, or who have been forced to flee their circumstances in the hopes of a better life.  She’s very closed off about her thoughts and emotions, though, after years of having to keep them to herself as a child.  I just really love her and I haven’t had much of a chance to explore more situations with her and see how she develops, nor have I had a chance to really deal with the aftermath of her inevitably returning home to find that her brother was murdered so I NEED ALL OF THAT.

SO ANYWAY that being said, come at me to write with my babes!!!

[pyropsychiccollector]

Goodbye Despair, Chapter 0: On the way to the School Trip (Part 1)

            Hajime honestly didn’t know how to feel being on a boat at this time. The infrequent rocking back and forth was unsettling enough, but they were also on a boat… with them. People who had brought the world to its knees. All fifteen of them, on one boat. In cells, mind you. But… really, what were jail cells going to do against Ultimates? There was an Ultimate Fighter, for Kami’s sake! An Ultimate Hope that supposedly had all the talents!

            If Mitarai didn’t need to take the last helicopter to Jabberwock, Hajime was sure he would’ve taken it himself. Nanami and Gekkogahara wanted Mitarai’s opinion on something; apparently, the Neo World Program was experiencing a bug, and the Ultimate Despairs needed to be shipped out as soon as possible, because the drugs wouldn’t keep them knocked out forever. Keeping them at Foundation headquarters wasn’t going to work, because they were trying to focus on rebuilding the world, now that the side of Despair was on the ropes. Junko Enoshima was dead, and her faithful lieutenants were hopefully going to be rehabilitated…

            They weren’t out of the woods yet. But if all went well, this would be a step in the right direction. A significant step.

            Hajime blinked and tensed when he heard running footsteps coming up to the deck. Based on how quickly the person was running up the steps, it was probably something urgent. It would have to be, what with how early in the morning it was.

            “Th-They’re awake!!!” Souda’s panicked cries called out to anyone who would hear him… which included Hajime, Fuyuhiko, and Peko.

            “… Shit.” The heir to the yakuza succinctly summed up their thoughts.

            ~*~

            Contrary to Souda’s report, not all of the Ultimate Despairs had stirred from their forced slumber. Kamukura had been up for ages, but he hadn’t done anything of note, and Munakata had made sure to have multiple cameras aimed at the Ultimate Hope’s cell.

            Aside from Kamukura, three Despairs had awoken that morning. Ironically, all in separate sections of cellblocks.

            “See! I saw her wakin’ up, so I decided to go check on the others, and two more were already up!” The Ultimate Mechanic exclaimed while pointing at a young woman huddled in the far corner of her cell, her knees drawn to her chest. Her striking, almost glowing red eyes were staring back at them. However, the expression was neutral, almost nonchalant. There was no heat, no anger, no hatred.

            Then again, this Ultimate hadn’t been very expressive while she was at Hope’s Peak. Pekoyama could attest to that.

            “Figures Ikusaba would be one of the first ones up…” Fuyuhiko raked his fingers through his short, blond hair. “Lemme guess… Oogami and Oowada are the other ones up.”

            Souda rubbed the back of his head as he chuckled nervously.

            “Actually, I’m kinda relieved it’s neither of them… It’s gonna be a nightmare when Oogami wakes up.”

            Peko raised an eyebrow curiously as she crossed her arms, facing Kazuichi.

            “Then who did wake up?”

            The mechanic scratched his cheek as he let out a light sigh.

            “Umm… Togami was talkin’ my ear off, so I got Munakata to take care of him. The other was Fujisaki. He’s kinda like Ikusaba, though – quiet and creepy…” Once again, he laughed nervously, evidently at a loss of what else to say.

            Fuyuhiko frowned deeply as he crossed his arms, his brow furrowing.

            “I guess if Ultimate Despair had a leader besides Enoshima, Togami would be it. Kirigiri was more of the brains behind the operation, though… I’d like to check in on Munakata’s interrogation, but we should leave him to it for now. Souda, mind comin’ with me?”

            The mechanic looked befuddled for a brief moment.

            “H-Huh? Where’d you wanna go? And why do I gotta come with?!”

            The yakuza heir snorted dryly.

            “Because you have similar talents to Fujisaki. Might as well see if we can get the little bastard to crack a little.”

            “Wouldn’t yakuza tactics fit her more?” Souda pointed at Ikusaba accusingly. “She’ll be a tougher nut to crack than Fujisaki!”

            “Soldiers are used to pain.” Fuyuhiko deadpanned. “And I’m not gonna break fingers yet, anyway! Look, just come with me, or you can stick around with the trained killer. Hajime, you good with staying here for a bit?”

            At the proposal, Hajime smiled nervously before nodding reluctantly.

            “Y-Yeah, sure… I stay here. Got it.”

            No, not really, but okay.

            “Good.” Fuyuhiko nodded tersely. “Peko, you keep Hajime safe. She tries anything funny, just knock her back out.”

            “Understood.” The swordswoman primly replied.

            As the yakuza and mechanic left, Hajime stood rooted in place as he mulled over how to proceed. It’s not like this was a “proper” interrogation anyway. They just wanted to understand… why their underclassmen had fallen to Despair. Because before they were million-class murderers, these guys had been normal high schoolers, just like them.

            … Well, as “normal” as anyone from Hope’s Peak could be.

            The point is, you didn’t just change who you are fundamentally without some kind of reason behind it.

            “Ima… watashi no… negaigoto ga…”

            Hajime and Peko both stood rigidly as the singing started. It was quiet, melancholic. And briefly, they didn’t know where it originated from, but they soon discerned that it was the imprisoned soldier, with a faraway look in her eyes. It took Hajime a few moments to place the song, but then he spoke up uncertainly.

            “That’s… Please Give Me Wings, right?”

            “…shiroi tsubasa tsukete kudasai…” Mukuro remained off in her little world. Steadily, she rocked back and forth, keeping her legs drawn to her chest.

            Hajime sighed inaudibly at the lack of response. He should’ve expected as much. The Despairs weren’t going to talk as if they were old friends; being ignored was probably the tamest thing they did.

            Peko wasn’t deterred, however, staring down the caged soldier coolly.

            “Was it painful to lose your sister, Enoshima? Or did you take pleasure in the Despair?”

            That stopped Ikusaba cold. Hajime noted a shift in the air as the two warriors stared each other down, no changes of inflection in their stoic expressions. Hajime nervously shuffled his feet as the temperature in the cellblock seemed colder somehow. He knew Peko had likely stabbed a sore spot with that barb, and maybe that was the point, but…

            “H-Hey, Peko? Why don’t you let me do the talking…?” Hajime coughed awkwardly as he adjusted his tie. Peko’s frosty glare did not waver, and Ikusaba finally addressed them.

            “And what would you know about Despair?” The soldier quipped nonchalantly. Peko narrowed her eyes.

            “I know the 78th Class spread Despair all over the world… leaving billions miserable in their wake.”

            “How clinical of you to put it that way.” Mukuro mused sarcastically. “But what about you? What Despair have you personally experienced, firsthand? And don’t try to say the loss of a random yakuza. They’re about a dime a dozen.”

            Peko bristled at the insult to the Kuzuryu Clan, and Hajime held his hands up peacefully.

            “H-Hey… c’mon, now… The world’s fallen apart; of course we’ve all lost someone by now!”

            Mukuro’s cold eyes never left Pekoyama.

            “The issue is never what we ‘lost’.” The soldier snapped. “It’s ‘what we have left’. And I’m willing to bet that despite aaall that pain and ‘suffering’ you’ve experienced, you can still carry on because of those precious people. Well, not everyone is as fortunate as you.”

            While Hajime’s face softened at Mukuro’s harsh, but true, words Peko’s gaze narrowed.

            “By the same token, just because you don’t have anything left doesn’t mean you have to spread misery to the rest of the world. By the sounds of it, you’re just petty and bitter about others being happy. Despair isn’t anything to rejoice over. Find new friends, and move on with your life.”

            Suck it up.

            Hajime sweated nervously as the temperature in the cellblock took another nosedive. He tugged at his collar as he looked between the two warriors. He didn’t think Peko, of all people, would get under someone’s skin, but lo and behold, she was pissing off the Ultimate Soldier… And that wasn’t a good thing.

            “Get. Out.” The dark-haired girl hissed, her arms wrapping tighter around her knees as she glared at the two visitors.

            Peko arched an eyebrow at her adversary.

            “I was under the impression you were the prisoner here. You do not dictate our actions.”

            Mukuro shook from her spot on the metal floor, but she did not make any sudden moves. Hajime took a steady breath and decided to put his foot down before the situation got any tenser.

            “Peko, could you wait by the door? I’ll handle this.” Hajime rigidly requested. The swordswoman seemed to disagree with Hajime's plan of action.

            “Fuyuhiko said…”

            “He wanted me to try talking to her.” The brunet reasoned, keeping his voice calm, not harsh-sounding. “Needling her like this isn’t going to do us any favors. Just… trust me, okay?”

            He wasn’t making a very rational argument, and he knew it. If Mukuro decided she wanted to hurt him, there wasn’t going to be much he could do about it on his own, even with her in the cage. But… even so. Peko’s presence wasn’t helping. It was nothing against her; talking with Ultimate Despairs was always going to be a chore. Yet upsetting them was a worse outcome than getting “overly friendly” with them. They were volatile enough already, and Hajime wanted to pacify Mukuro before they reached Jabberwock Island.

            It wouldn’t be pretty, otherwise.

            “… My apologies. I got carried away.” Peko bowed her head and closed her eyes for a moment. “I will be nearby, if you need me.”

            As the swordswoman walked away, Hajime released a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, and ran a hand through his hair nervously. He didn’t like being forceful, and he hated making Peko feel like she was a nuisance. But Peko really hadn’t been doing them any favors by exchanging barbs with Mukuro.

            Hajime turned his attention to the dark-haired woman who hadn’t budged an inch from her spot in the corner. Her eyes were solely on him now, but they contained no heat or coldness, like they had when Pekoyama was there. Her expression was devoid of emotion again, and Hajime was unsure what to feel, himself… or how to proceed, really.

            “H-Hey, um…” Hajime trailed off uncertainly. He winced when Mukuro cut him off in an even tone.

            “I told you to leave.”

            Hajime winced at the steel in her voice. Peko had really struck a chord, and he couldn’t really blame Mukuro for feeling this way… Peko meant well, and she had a point with moving on in life… But sometimes, people couldn’t move on right away. He didn’t know what Mukuro had suffered or what kind of person she was, so he couldn’t judge her, even if she was a soldier. A strong physical talent doesn’t guarantee an equally strong spirit.

            “Look, I’m not here to judge you, alright?” Hajime expressed in a slightly exasperated tone. “Peko was out of line, and I don’t want to leave things at that... It’s not fair to you.”

            “It doesn’t matter to me.” The soldier droned. Hajime couldn’t help arch an eyebrow at the claim.

            “Huh…? But you got really angry after Peko said all that…” He didn’t mean to sound naïve; he just wanted to be direct.

            “…” Apparently, Mukuro didn’t have anything to say to that as she continued to stare, her eyes never wavering. She didn’t even blink.

            Hajime sighed.

            “Look, I think it matters to you.” The brunet insisted. “Why else would you be so hostile so suddenly?”

            “What makes you think it was sudden?” The soldier quipped back. “Ultimate Despair and the Future Foundation are enemies. It shouldn’t surprise you that I have no desire to see your faces.”

            “No, that’s wrong!” Hajime was still insistent. “You were provoking Peko, but something in you changed when Peko talked about moving on…!”

            “It doesn’t matter!” Mukuro barked sharply, causing Hajime to flinch again. “Nothing matters anymore. Nothing that bitch can do or say will affect me. You’re wasting your breath.”

            “… No. This does matter.” Hajime replied stubbornly. He could tell he was getting under Mukuro’s skin, too… But something within him believed this was necessary. “I don’t know if this is your ‘despair’ – ignoring something in your past that meant something to you – but you’re still emotionally attached to that thing. You wouldn’t just… submit to despair without a reason. You wouldn’t care about spreading despair if you weren’t experiencing it yourself!”

            Hajime felt a shiver run up his spine as Ikusaba’s red eyes seemed to flare with new vigor and malice as she glared at him again. He did feel intimidated – how couldn’t he be? – but he wasn’t going to back down.  They had a duty to bring back their underclassmen from the dregs of Despair that Junko Enoshima had dragged them into. Even if the Neo World Program was going to make them forget all this pain and suffering… He had to know. What pain was so terrible that they wanted to end the world?

            The brunet was expecting Mukuro’s rage to peak again… But instead, it all dissipated. The flare in her eyes was snuffed out like a candle. It… truly confused Hajime.

            “I am telling the truth. Nothing matters anymore.” Mukuro intoned coldly. If Hajime wasn’t watching her closely, he would have missed the slight quiver in her frame as she seemed to shake with some emotion. “The others… have buried it in their subconscious. They have moved onto other Despair in their lives… But I am not like the others.”

            Hajime felt another chill run down his spine as Mukuro’s red eyes became so lifeless… They were black holes of nothingness, yet it was still so very different from the look that Junko would sometimes get… With Junko, the Ultimate Despair was practically inhuman when she made this face. For her, Despair was her motivation for everything. When Mukuro made this face… Hajime could tell that this was a woman who had clearly, without a doubt, given up on everything. And it chilled his blood to see this happen in a girl that was a year younger than him. Because there was no motivation, no joy, in plunging the world into anarchy and terror, not for Mukuro Ikusaba.

            “There is nothing left for me. There was nothing left for me when Junko was alive. I hate Despair… I hated my sister… But I had nothing left. It’s easier once you accept that you’re a tool of war, but that does nothing to quell the cruel emptiness inside… You numb the pain, but it’s still there. Just a dull ache now. There is nothing worth saving in this world… so I dismantle it all, at Junko’s behest.”

            Hajime wet his lips as he tried to process this… ‘logic’ Mukuro was using. In theory, it kind of made sense… Mukuro had lost the will to live, but she hadn’t become suicidal. Instead, she killed her emotions and became just a soldier. Just a tool. He supposed he could see that as her Despair, but…

            “Well… what did matter?” Hajime asked quietly. As Mukuro kept silent, he gritted his teeth. “You say nothing matters now, but that implies that at some point, something mattered to you! You haven’t been ‘hopeless’ your entire life…!”

            “On the contrary, we Despair Sisters were born in this world with nothing but Despair within us.” If Mukuro wasn’t still dead in her expression and tone, Hajime would swear she was using snark just now. “It’s not hard to imagine nothing has ever mattered to me.”

            Hajime shook his head fiercely, pointing at her accusingly.

            “I might’ve bought that if you hadn’t said that, unlike the others, you never ‘forgot’ something. You said the others found new forms of Despair, but not you. What happened to make you all like this?”

            It felt more than aggravating when Mukuro fell silent again. She was dodging the issue, and he supposed by now it was possible he’d never get an answer out of her… He would question the other Despairs, but he had this gut feeling this was the root of the issue of everything. How could Junko brainwash her entire class? What pain were they all forced to experience?

            “… We lost our Hope.” The soldier finally said, after what seemed like an eternity. Hajime clenched his fists in frustration.

            “But what does that mean?” Hajime demanded. “You guys had all sorts of hopes and dreams! Don’t tell me Junko attacked each one!”

            Enoshima had been powerful, monstrous, but she hadn’t been omnipotent.

            “We lost our Hope.” Mukuro put more stress on that word, apparently unwilling to elaborate. “Nothing mattered after Hope was gone. Nothing.”

            “Then why did they shift to other forms of Despair?!”

            “Because Makoto would have wanted them to move on… and not one of them was willing to do that. So they killed their own friends and family, and tore their dreams to shreds.” Mukuro informed the brunet coldly. And it was only then that Hajime finally understood, with that one word.

            Makoto Naegi was the one member of Class 78, aside from Junko Enoshima who was dead, that had been part of Ultimate Despair.

            Makoto Naegi was the Ultimate Lucky Student. He had also been the class representative of Class 78. 

            Makoto Naegi was the boy from their class that had gone missing. Just like Mitarai.

            Makoto Naegi… had been Class 78’s Hope. 

[spitecremated]

Tag muns you want to know better; repost - don’t reblog.

What inspired you to try / create this muse/s: Originally, creating Dabi’s blog was mostly a ‘whim’ - I had gotten really into The Theory(tm), and wanted to be able to explore the implications of that. His potential dynamics with other characters was really interesting to me, and I’d been looking into which villains I thought I could ‘do justice’ anyways.

Other than just really liking the concept / character? I had seen quite a few different portrayals, mostly within fanfics rather than in the RPC, that I didn’t.. agree with?? A lot of it was really one-dimensional; that was my main irritation with it, I think. So, long story short, I wanted to flesh out my own version of things. (And I’ve had a fucking blast doing so, honestly.)

From there, Kerri encouraged the idea, and well, the rest is history.

What is inspiration for your muse/s: Other than the source material, and various theory posts that I’ve stumbled across? It’s mostly a matter of taking what I already know from those, what I know about psychology, how I’ve written villainous people previously, and a lot of creative liberties.

I use music for inspiration, a lot, with all of my muses; that said, I have a Spotify playlist for nearly all of them. Reading other peoples’ portrayals (typically from quality fics or a friend’s writing, not my duplicates, to be clear there) has always been helpful, too. Outside of that stuff..? I’m really not sure; most of my inspiration just comes from thinking about my muses way too much, listening to music that reminds me of them, and babbling to people about it all.

Thread / AU that makes you really happy: Yeah so, I could babble about quite a few things for this, but I’m gonna stick with the first two that came to mind. First of all? Kerri and I’s ship with Dabi and Asuka ( @sensoryquirk ). I fucking live for Hero x Villain type dynamics, honestly, and I could talk about how much I adore that ship for hours.

But! That’s tied baaasically equally with my interactions with Kam ( @icey-burn ). I fucking LOVE writing with Kam, and our interactions between Dabi & Shouto have been some of the funnest threads to write on this blog. Whether we’re yelling about how much they love each other, or ripping each other’s hearts out with angst replies, it’s always a damned blast. 

Something really special on your wishlist: I don’t really have a wishlist, honestly. There are plenty of things that I would like to eventually have happen, sure, but nothing that actually stands out?? At least, not that I can think of. My only big thing was having a Shouto to interact with, and being I’ve got a couple of those now, that’s already accomplished lol.

Share something related to your muse!:

LOOK AT THIS COMIC, PEOPLE.

It’s one of my absolute favorite pieces of fanart I’ve seen for the theory. You wanna talk about art that’s inspired me? THAT.

What do you think about your character’s design / how did you come up with this: This is one of those designs that people either love or hate, and personally? I adore it. There’s something ‘gritty’ about the designs of the villains in BN/HA, that I haven’t seen most other places, and I really appreciate that.

What has your muse taught you: It’s kind of ironic, saying that Dabi of all characters has taught me / helped me with anything, but to be entirely honest? There’s a few things, and they’re all.. actually pretty important?

1) Your scars tell parts of your story, but they do not define you. Your story matters, but the scars themselves? Those don’t matter anymore than you let them matter. They don’t lessen you, they don’t define anything, and they don’t have to change how you view yourself. They only succeed in doing any of that, if you let them, and you don’t have to let them. The story matters; the scars don’t.

2) You are allowed to leave the past, in the past. No matter the circumstances, and no matter your decisions from that point onward, you are not obligated to live in the past - you shouldn’t, for that matter. Read it like an old paperback novel, learn what you can from it, enjoy the good parts where you can. But once you’ve done that, once you’ve learned what you can from it? Set that damned book on fire, if that’s what you need to do in order to move forward. You can’t change your past, but you can start right here, right now, and change the ending of your story. Burn the bridges that you need to; nobody needs to understand your reasons for that except for you. If the past kicks you down 100 times, you get back up 101 — shake the dust off, and focus on your present, on a brighter future.

3) Nobody can force you to continue being the person you were yesterday. You are not obligated to respond to a name that does not belong to you anymore. You are not obligated to be the person that those around you, used to know. You are allowed to change, at any time, and leave the ‘old you’ in the past. Nobody can force you to live in the past, and absolutely no one can force you to continue being the scared kid you were before — you’re not him anymore.

( I could likely continue, but I’m going to leave it at those - they’re the main things. )

What is roleplay for you: Roleplaying is quite a few things for me, but to sum it up? It’s a hobby, and a more ‘relaxed’ way to keep myself writing when I don’t have the time & energy to be working on more “professional” writing. That aside, it’s a way to cope - a place to put emotions that I’m not sure how to otherwise deal with, and vent those in a creative way. So on, and so forth.

Just say something nice about other muns!: I haven’t been in an ‘active’ fandom in quite a while, and I wasn’t certain about joining this one at first. But honestly? I have not been this excited to log on every day, in ages. Everyone here has been incredibly welcoming, and while I could babble about specific people, there isn’t a need to - because every single person I’ve spoken with, interacted with? Has been a fucking sweetheart. You’re all wonderful, and I’m so glad that I decided to be a part of this RPC. Thank you all for having me, really.

Tagged by: @steelhardpecs

Tagging: I’m really late answering this, and idk who all did it already, so... If you haven’t, consider yourself tagged?

[cristixntm]

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭  𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧.

[ XAVIER SERRANO / POLYTROPOS / CAERUS / MUSE 36 ] / [ CRISTIANO MONTERO ] is a [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old [ BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION ] major. [ HE ] is known for being [ CHARMING & CLEVER ] but [ INSOUCIANT & INSENSITIVE ].  when i think of them, i imagine [ A CHEEKY WINK FROM ACROSS THE BAR, LATE NIGHT ‘U UP?’ TEXTS, THE CLENCH OF A JAW BEHIND A COCKY SMIRK, RICH BOYS DON’T HAVE HEARTS ]. and even though they’re a proud HU student now, we all have our roots. theirs run back to them being a [ MHP ( AQUA ) ] graduate.  i asked around and it turns out they [ AREN’T ] an AOP student. in their interview, they managed to woo the admissions team by [ PRESENTING A FIVE-FIGURE INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO THAT WAS STARTED FROM $10 ]. i guess that’s all there is to know! unless…

howdy hey frands! i’m jocey ( 24, she/her, est ) & this is my trash son, cristian. not me reusing an old intro and still getting this up late……. mmYEP luv that for me! if you would like to plot, hit that like button & i’ll come your way or feel free to hmu on discord ( jocey#9154 ).

full name : cristiano javier montero de barra nickname : mostly goes by cristian age : twenty-one sexuality : heterosexual hometown : madrid, spain / los angeles, california high school : marble hill prep ( aqua house ) HU house : polytropos major : business administration extracurriculars : eleusinian circle ( legacy ), soccer ( centre forward )

cristian is the second and youngest born to javier montero and alisa de barra. his dad is the CEO of montero properties, the developer behind many big name casinos and resorts around the world, while his mom is an actress who starred in several spanish telenovelas and hollywood films.

originating from spain, the montero family had always been a familiar face in the media, with both cristian and his older sister having large followings on social media. the montero’s had a reputation for living extravagantly and lavishly, and often flaunted their 1% status.

out of the whole family, arguably the one with the most controversial reputation was cristian — one of the heirs to the montero fortune, fuckboy extraordinaire with an impressively long list of ex lovers, and all around entitled trust fund brat ( whEW hate that!! ). taking full advantage of his family name, he was always seen at the exclusive events and partying, even hooking up, with some well-known names.

but with the family name also came the expectation to be the picture perfect son and the responsibility to carry on the family legacy. unfortunately, parents never quite get exactly what they hoped for from their children, do they?

if there’s one thing you should know about cristian is that he will never do anything if he felt forced into it. his parents learned early on that hiring a good PR team and shipping their son off to a boarding school ( marble hill prep ) was easier than forcing him to behave. the fact that cristian’s dad was a MHP and HU alum and the montero’s family were big donors might have helped to keep him from getting expelled on one or two occasions.

still, to some extent, cristian did the bare minimum just to keep his parents off his back and his bank account essentially bottomless. he got good grades ( whether it was completely based on his own merits was a different story ), showed up to important events ( granted he was always drunk and late ), and charmed the pants off of interviewers and his admirers ( sometimes quite literally ).

attending hatchett unversity was just another thing that he did to keep his trust fund ( or so he says ). and who was he to turn down the good ol’ college experience? it was also the perfect way to keep his side business ( read: drug ring ) going.

running a boarding school turned college drug ring was never exactly something he’d planned on doing. like with most things in cristian’s life, the opportunity sort of just fell into his lap and he decided to run with it. call it a bored rich kid thing, but there was just something about earning his own cash in such a risky way that made it that much sweeter.

while those who know cristian may be aware of his connection to this drug ring, most assume that he’s just dealing and/or using his rich boi connections to bring in customers. only a select few know that he’s actually the brains behind the surprisingly well thought-out operation, and he prefers to keep it that way.

cavalier fuckboy with a heart of gold… ( underneath a shit ton of asshole layers, that is ) basically summed up cristian. he always puts out this very lazy, devil-may-care image of himself, and acts like someone who could not give two shits about anyone other than himself. call him a selfish asshole and he’d probably agree with you. but when it comes to his closest friends, the ones he considered to be his real family, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for them.

most write cristian off as this spoiled, reckless and directionless loose cannon, who maybe had one braincell on a good day. but underneath it all, he’s a lot smarter and more calculating than many people give him credit for and believe it or not, actually does think things through. but he believed that expectations just led to disappointment, so it was better to not have anyone expect anything of you. hence the perfected facade he’s kept up for as long as he could remember.

he is, however, not so smart when it comes to his love life and is notoriously bad at juggling his booty calls. as in, getting all their names mixed up, and running into a booty call number three, who he’d ghosted, when he was with booty call number five. but then again… could it all just be an act to get out of any and all potential relationships? who knows?

WANTED CONNECTIONS. most connections are open to multiple people filling it, unless it’s crossed out. and ofc i’m always open to any ideas not listed here!

RICH BOI SQUAD ━  they’re those guys. the popular, rowdy bros who are always seen together, they throw the best parties and cause a bunch of mayhem together. honestly just a bunch of obnoxious alpha dudes who think they’re hot shit.  taken by kennedy king

#1 SINCE DAY 1  ━  cristian’s best bro since the beginning of time ( or close enough ), who’s been there through all of his constant shenanigans and wild times.  taken by felix könig

BEST GAL PAL  ━  probably one of the few girls cristian’s managed to not try to hook-up with, or constantly flirt with. someone who helps him remember the names of all the girls he’s hooked up with plz lol. it’s rare that he’s protective over someone, but he’d absolutely throw hands for her if needed.  taken by caroline fitzgerald

CONFIDANT  ━  someone who actually knows cristian very well and sees through his lazy rich boy act. one of the very few people who he’s completely opened up to and genuinely cares about not fucking up their friendship.  taken by florence trask

MOM FRIEND  ━  basically a mama bear who looks out for cristian and may be one of the few people he actually listens to. doubles as his moral conscience/good influence when he wants to do dumb rich boy things.  taken by giada vitale

PSEUDO SIBLING  ━  they have a sibling-like relationship, where he’ll annoy them sometimes and they mom friend him. but they’re always looking out for each other.  taken by odette könig

CHILDHOOD FRIEND  ━  someone he grew up with. they could still be friends to this day, maybe they grew apart, or maybe they never really clicked.

UNLIKELY FRIEND  ━  the last person you’d expect to be friends with cristian. possibly met during a school project or something, and they realized that he’s… actually… not that bad?? despite what everyone says about him and his reputation, y/m sees that he’s not really as big of an asshole as he comes off and is actually kind of tolerable one on one. kind of.  taken by dorian garcia

FAVOURITE ANNOYANCE  ━  they got on cristian’s nerves at first, but eventually, they grew on them. whether he admits it or not, they do have some kind of friendship and deep down, he does enjoy their company.  taken by astrid mae

DEALERS  ━  basically dealers who work for cristian, who is the supplier. he may seem like a clueless hot mess, but rest assured, he takes care of his own. as long as that loyalty is returned.  taken by felix könig

ON & OFF  ━  cristian has had a lot of flings and hook-ups, but this person has been the one constant in his life. their “relationship” ( if you can call it that ) is kinda messy because he ( and maybe she as well? ) won’t commit, but is also surprisingly chill.

HOOK-UPS / FWBS  ━  whether you like cristian or not, people can’t really deny that he’s good-looking rip. he’s known to have a bit of a roster of girls that he hits with those late night booty-calls/texts.  taken by diana radcliffe

PAST HOOK-UPS / FWBS / ONE NIGHT STANDS  ━  homeboy has been around the block and back more times than he can count on two hands, so he’s definitely got a long list of ex-luvas. especially ones who hate him cuz he’s the worst™.  taken by isadora banks, daphne moon

ENEMIES  ━  cristian’s the kind of guy who easily has a lot of people who don’t like him. he practically has no filter, so his big mouth and careless words are bound to rub some people the wrong way. or maybe he screwed y/m over to save his own ass.  taken by belinda torres, camille jung

[kyberled]

☀ ♦ ♥ ☢ ✖

the salty af munday meme

☀ What’s your rp pet peeve? –> Ship forcing. This is literally the best way to get me to unfollow or even block another mun. I’ll explain what ship-forcing is below, but yeah, that’s one of them.

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise? –> See above. It happened once on my Warren blog, and once very recently on here. Now, a bit of a definition, here - I don’t see ship-forcing as asking me if I want to ship, or saying your muse has a crush on Braig - heck, that can be flattering (though I prefer if we know each other, first - it can get a bit uncomfy for me, kind of like virtual catcalling, I guess, when complete strangers tell me how attractive they think Braig is). I don’t see it as someone’s muse having feelings for Braig, one-sided or otherwise. All of these things are A-Okay, and can be quite fun, too! What I do see ship forcing is when someone asks if they can ship with Braig, and instantly, as soon as I say ‘we can give it a try’, deciding that our muses are suddenly soulmates, even if they’ve hardly said four sentences to each other, before. I see it as asking to ship, then immediately dropping the thread where they were actually in the process of meeting each other to have them now in the middle of a date, which, given the context of where, when, and how said date was taking place would likely have gotten them both killed. I see it as pestering Braig to do something ‘romantic’, having both Braig and I say no, he doesn’t want to, and the other person keeps pushing, regardless, or getting upset when Braig decides to respond with something not romantic and replying to that with some rude, snarky comment. ‘Uh, I think [muse] wanted Braig to do [X], actually’ - Yes, that has happened, before. I’ve been vagueblogged about, spammed on and off anon, been told I’ve made peoples’ depression/anxiety worse, had on-blog events ruined and muses killed and simply been harassed at all hours of the day because of ship-forcing and my trying to deal with it gently and politely, instead of just flat-out saying ‘no’ or ‘I’m not comfortable with this’. So, if it ever seems like I’m coming down too hard on someone in regards to shipping, I swear I don’t mean to come off as abrasive or rude - I just learned the hard way that you’ve gotta be blunt about your comfort zones or else things go south faster than a flock of geese on an adrenaline high. Basically, to sum this novel up: As long as you respect my boundaries, we’re good; if I haven’t told you you’re skeeving me out, we’re good. If I have told you you are, and you keep doing whatever it was, we’re not so good. 

☢ What fads/trends are you so over? –> I don’t really keep up with trends enough to know lmao. I mean I guess I’ve seen a few, but they don’t really bother me. You do you, and all… Though, I guess I never entirely understood the whole ‘personified objects’ thing? I mean, you do you, and all, but it just never  made sense to me.

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started? –> It hasn’t, not really. I think the only real changes have been purely aesthetic, like small text,  contained themes, etc. I really don’t care what other people do, as long as they’re happy and not hurting anyone.

♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

[Under a cut for length]

Okay, so, I told two of my rp horror stories over on Xig, so I’ll tell my third one here. Since I gave the other two pseudonyms, we’ll call this one ‘Cheeper’. Cheeper was someone I had met when a mutual friend we’ll call Battery allegedly recommended my blog to them. Now, Battery was someone I had approximately zero problems with. Really friendly, sweet guy, talented writer, great sense of humour, one of my favourite people to write with. So, I figured, if Cheeper was a friend of Battery’s, they must be cool, too, right? … Wrong. So, things start out okay-ish, as they always do, but things get downhill pretty fast. Starts off with small things, like ignoring asks or dropping literally all of our threads without letting me know. And I understand wanting to drop threads or not being able to get to everything in your ask box, but when that happens consistently, it gets a little disheartening.

The next little thing was when they started making AUs of my muse, and expecting me to write them. Lemme say here that I am totally fine with people suggesting AUs for my muses. That’s where this blog came from, Rodi suggesting a Star Wars AU where another one of my muses was Obi’s padawan, so, again, I’m fine with AU prompts. What I’m not fine with is when someone writing a really detailed version of my muse without consulting me at all, and then expecting me to write that AU they made with no warning and no problems. Cheeper comes into my IMs listing this novel-length AU detailing not only how their muse changed, but how mine did, as well. Basically, the entire idea was that their muse, who in canon was a big tank-type character who had been straight-up abusive to multiple characters, and turned them into a small, fluffy little mage who was actually a good guy and hadn’t done any bad things, and was being forced to do the bad guys’ dirty work, whereas my muse… Was suddenly the abusive one. For absolutely no reason. In a way that not only completely contradicted all of my personal headcanons - all of which were posted and easily viewable on my blog - but also went against all of what canon had showed us about my muse, and quite frankly made me really uncomfortable. I mean, you’ve seen some of the stuff I’ve written, you know I’m down to write some pretty messed up stuff, but to straight up turn my muse into a child abuser, WITHOUT CONSULTING ME AT ALL, just so your muse can be the good guy? That doesn’t fly so well. On top of that, writing such a detailed version of my muse and expecting me to play it for you? Why not write it yourself? I mean like I said, I am thrilled with AU suggestions, but, hell, keep it to a sentence or two, tops. Let me experiment and develop my muse to fit the AU myself, thanks. … And, while these things were pretty irritating, especially when a few of them happened over and over again, it got worse.

A lot of the time, when I’m having OOC conversations to get to know another mun before we start writing together, I look for a sort of ‘spark’ or ‘click’ - something that shows this person and I are gonna get along. For a lot of people, including my favourite partners, this click is basically immediate - just this instant ‘wow, we’re gonna be good friends, this is great!’, and, for others, it takes a bit longer, and that’s totally okay! Some people take a while to open up, or maybe it wasn’t a good day for one of us, I totally get it, happens to me, too. How quickly the click happens has absolutely NO BEARING ON MY OPINION OF A PERSON WHATSOEVER. There have been I think only three or four times I haven’t clicked with someone - twice on Warren, once on Xig, and once here. If I message you first, send asks, tag you in things, like your posts, etc, we’ve clicked, don’t worry. Anyway, Cheeper was one of these rare occurrences where there was not only no click, there was the opposite of a click. At first I thought it was just ‘cause our first convo was a bit awkward - from what I remember, it was basically just ‘hi, My name is [Cheeper], I’m [Battery]’s friend and he recommended your blog so I thought I’d give you a follow’, you know, typical ‘hi, nice to meet you’ type thing, I didn’t think much of it. Unfortunately, that was the only pleasant conversation we had.

You see, Cheeper had the habit of starting conversations with some variation of ‘how are you?’. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Well, in typical Canadian fashion, I always did my best to follow social protocol and be polite, and say ‘I’m good/fine/great, thanks, how are you?’, and, much like Han Solo, I learned that there are some situations you shouldn’t ask that question. Every time, without fail, Cheeper would say some variation of ‘bad’ or ‘horrible’, and proceed to dump literally all their life’s problems on me, and I mean all of them. I’m perfectly fine with letting my friends vent/rant to me as much as they need, and offering advice is a pass-time of mine. But, I had only known this person for- Less than a week, when this started (I hardly even knew their NAME I had to look it up on their blog), and they kept going on and on about some really personal shit, like hours of how they hated their job and school was stressful, and their family was aphobic and never used the right pronouns, literally everything about their personal life, no matter how private it was, just- Constant negativity, all the time. It was literally all they spoke about, ever. I don’t know anything else about them, just that their life was terrible and they decided to use me as some sort of verbal stress ball. Even if I tried to divert the conversation to a different topic, or just ignore them entirely, I’d still get floods of negativity and complaints. And what makes it even better? They had a frickin therapist! This person, who had a professional, trained therapist, would spend hours unloading all of their mental/emotional burdens on me, an untrained stranger who had only said ‘hi’ to them once. And, after they had dumped all their baggage on me, they’d say, ‘oh, gotta go, it’s time to go to my therapist’. And, honestly? That was the only time I felt safe to post on my blog. Yes, you read that right - it was the only time I felt safe to post on my own blog. I honestly could not make a post on my blog without Cheeper spamming my IMs with boatloads of stress-inducing negativity. And, call me selfish, call me insensitive, call me whatever you want, but, fuck, I had my own problems! I was in university, trying to get law school level grades, while working a part time job to try and help my family out when we were struggling financially, doing what I could to make sure there was enough food in the fridge for my younger brothers, trying to help my grandma take care of my grandpa, trying to keep up with my martial arts - which I have to do in order to keep my job - and trying to write multiple essays for both my younger brother and myself, as we were prepping for our black sash tests, but he was also trying to get into film school, so I’d volunteered to write the sash essays for him, and, let me tell you, I did not need to play counsellor to someone I didn’t even know on top of that. And, like I said, this happened constantly, and I’d get a new flood of messages every time I so much as hinted at being online.

And believe it or not, it got worse, Sakrine.

I remember there was one conversation we had (’conversation’ being used loosely, of course) towards the end of our interactions where Cheeper was complaining at me, as per usual, and mentioned how all of their friends were blocking them without saying why. Funnily enough, I was planning on blocking them soon, myself (probably should have done it a long time ago). But, lo and behold, right after saying how they were always getting blocked, Cheeper goes and says ‘but you’d never block me, so at least I have you. You’re my best friend, Jay’. And I’m sitting here really uncomfortable because, uh, no, we’re not best friends, and I have no idea what gave them that idea, since I never told them anything of the sort, and in fact barely spoke to to them at all, both because I didn’t much care for their company, and because I could hardly get a word in edgewise - and, even if I could, how does one respond to a total stranger badgering you for advice on how to deal with their family not handling their being out well? I’m not out to my family, and I don’t think I ever will be, so, again, how can I give that sort of advice to someone I don’t know?

About the time this was happening was when I met and was chatting with Rodi, who’s actually one of my best friends and the light of my life. Like I mentioned above, it was at her suggestion that I decided to make this li’l OC mess that we know and love here. He was originally gonna be a verse on my other blog, until I realised that I’d have tags for a Jedi verse, a padawan verse, a Sith verse, etc., and that was too many for one AU, so I made a sideblog. Then, after only a day of having that, and a bit of encouragement from both Rodi and Milla (my main Talon), I made this stand-alone blog for my son, and I was having a great time.

Cheeper, however, was not, and made sure I knew it.

Now, my muse for that blog had been steadily dying, mostly because of this, but also for a few other, more minor reasons, and I felt way more comfortable here, was having more fun, and generally just enjoying myself way more on this blog than the other, so, naturally, this is where I spent most of my time. Within a day or two of my neglecting Xig, Cheeper pops into the IMs to complain about me, to me. Yes, I am dead serious, this is an actual thing that happened. They start badgering me to go back to my other blog, and, I dunno if this has ever happened to you, but, it’s really disheartening. I explained to Cheeper that I felt more comfortable on this blog (though I didn’t tell them why I felt that way on Xig; Perhaps I should’ve), that I had more drafts and asks on this blog, and that I had more muse for this character at the moment, so I’d be spending my time over here, at least for a little bit. Their oh-so-eloquent response was, and this is a verbatim quote, ‘boo, you suck.’ And I had absolutely no idea how to respond to that, so I didn’t. I just sat there, staring, feeling an interesting concoction of shocked, annoyed, and offended. About a minute later, they added a ‘lol, just kidding’, and proceeded to… Continue… To complain about me, as well as about their life and still expected me to give them advice and solutions I didn’t have. I’ve never had someone act more entitled to my time and energy as this person did. 

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking - ‘they were probably just some kid, Jay, young people can be like that at times, you’re taking it too hard’, and, hey, I thought so, too. I was nineteen years old when this was happening; Cheeper was around 24 or 25. Yup, this person was about five or six years older than me, and a grown-ass adult the entire time. And like I said, they were constantly acting entitled to everything I did, like I owed them something. There was another time where I’d actually gotten a bit of muse for my other blog back, so I went on, answered a bunch of asks, slammed out some drafts, sent some memes, answered some IMs… It was a really productive evening for me. Once I was finished, I came back here and got a bit more done. Next morning rolls around, and Cheeper messages me with ‘I miss you, dude. You’re never on Xig, any more.’ I tell them that, actually I’d been on last night, for a few hours, at least. Their response? ‘Well, I wasn’t on.’, after which they kept complaining about how much they missed my muse and my writing. I get this was probably supposed to be flattering, but it really wasn’t? Especially considering that, while they were going on and on about how much they missed me and wanted to write with me, they were completely ignoring the THREE STARTERS I had written for them in the weeks leading up to this point. Hadn’t even given them a like, which I like to do to let someone know that, even if I’m slow as all Hell - which I tend to be - I have seen it, and it’s in my drafts. So, I mentioned this to Cheeper, said ‘you know, I have a couple starters for you on the other blog, why don’t you check those out?’ ‘Oh, I didn’t see them, I’ll give them a look.’ And then, blissfully, they stopped messaging. Little while later, a few days, I got another message from them (keep in mind I never contacted them or interacted with them first, since, rude as it may sound, I was kind of hoping they’d get the message), and once again they were whining about how I was never on Xig again, so I went to check the starters again, and… Still no notes. So I ask them about the starters, and they say ‘I couldn’t find them’. You know how I looked them up? [my blog’s url]/tagged/[cheeper’s url], and, bam. There they were. I told Cheeper this and even sent them the link to their tag. They said okay, that they’d check it out later, and started complaining about their life again. I was serious when I said this was the only thing they talked about, outside of basically harassing me to write with them. Few days later, they get on my case AGAIN for not being on Xig/not rping with them. I check the THREE FUCKING STARTERS again,  STILL NO NOTES. I ask, and ‘oh I just don’t have muse for them right now lol’. And I’m left sitting here like, okay, do you really want to write with me, or are you just mad I’m not dedicating all of my attention to you and your godawful AU muses? I mean, I have NOTHING against AU muses - that’s where this kiddo came from, after all - but AUS WHERE THEY PUSHED MY CHARACTER TO BE A FUCKING CHILD ABUSER WERE APPARENTLY ALL THEY HAD MUSE FOR. And my character was a moral fuckhead I admit but he WASN’T OVERTLY ABUSIVE THAT WAS ONE OF THE REASONS I WAS COOL PLAYING HIM AS THE ANTAGONIST HE WAS AND JUST. And as well, when I have no muse, it’s apparently a major fuckin’ disaster and they complain to the ends of the earth about it and go on and on about how I should still be writing that character and how much they miss me, but when THEY have no muse I have to accommodate it and make allowances and write with them anyway???? Like???

So anyway yeah they proceeded to ignore those starters for months, and every time I posted a new starter call,they’d like that, I’d post a starter, they’d completely ignore it, then come crying and complaining to me, berating me and all but sobbing about how much they missed me.

BUT IT GETS WORSE STILL, SAKRINE.

After a while, Cheeper starts asking me about Star Wars. And I’m torn between ‘fuck no, this is my new safe place, and I’m TRYING TO BE SAFE FROM YOU’ and ‘well maybe if they get into this series they’ll stop getting upset with me for not writing on a blog I have no muse for and am not comfortable on’. So they ask me what they need to watch to understand Star Wars. I tell them to watch the movies, since those are the unchanging canon, no matter what Disney did to the Legends material. Apparently they don’t even have the attention span for their favourite show, so they can’t watch the movies. They complain to me about that for a while, because apparently I care. I did not. I tell them that everything Star Wars - or at least, in the era I write in - revolves around those movies. I tell them they can just watch the PT (and explain what the different trilogies are) and that will get them caught up with where I write. Nope, can’t do that. So I tell them there are book versions of the movies they can read, instead, and there are also comics and stuff they can look into if that would be better.

Nope, don’t have the attention span for books.

Complain about that to me for a while, then ask what they absolutely HAVE to watch to understand. 

I tell them about the Clone Wars show, give them a link to the relevant KissCartoon page. They ask how long the show is - I tell them the number of seasons (mention that 6 is unfinished), and the average length of an episode.

Nope, don’t have the attention span for that, either.

They reiterate that they hardly have the attention span for their favourite show, and once again complain to me before asking me what the /HAVE TO WATCH/ to understand.

I tell them that they’re free to try interacting with my muse on their KH blogs, since I’m open to crossovers and still, for some ungodly reason, trying to be civil.

They keep asking about star wars.

I mention the video games.

Don’t have the attention span for video games.

So this person, who apparently can’t watch movies or TV shows, or read books or comics, or play video games, is asking me what source material they need to know to roleplay a Star Wars verse. 

I, as a last-ditch and mostly sarcastic effort, give them a link to Wookieepedia. I’m a terrible person, I know.

…

They don’t have the patience to look through the wiki pages.

I’m all but smashing my face against the keyboard now, while this person is COMPLAINING TO ME ABOUT HOW LONG STAR WARS IS. 

I mean I get it’s a lot but I tried to break it down?? And last I checked I’m not George Lucas like I’m sorry but it’s not my fault, my problem, or in my power to change? And I tell them it’s 40 years worth of worldbuilding and try to help them break it down again and they just KEEP FUCKING COMPLAINING.

And after like. Two hours of me trying to reason with them and help them out they say ‘I’m not even interested in star Wars, I just want to write with you’. 

And now, maybe I’m reading into it too much. Maybe I listen to too many narrated Let’s Not Meet videos too late at night. But holy shit, I have never felt like I had a legitimate stalker until that moment. It was one of the most uncomfortable things that has ever happened to me. I had zero idea how to respond, and so again I don’t think I did. Or, if I did, it was to again try to explain to them that there was a lot of material, and they should [leavemethefuckalone] focus on things they were interested in, especially if they didn’t think they could handle just the show. So they complain to me about that for a bit, before moving on to other topics to whine about. Always comes back to how I’m not writing with them any more (meanwhile, the countless starters I’ve written them are still being ignored, as are any and all threads we had on the go at the time. Everything’s either been ignored, abandoned, or both, all without letting me know.).I honestly don’t remember how that conversation ended. Just thinking about it makes me blank out and get a sort of mild pins-and-needles feeling. I mean, I get it was probably supposed to be flattering, and if we had been friends it might have been, but coming from this person? Alarm bells were ringing like a retro emergency evac PSE. 

AND IT GETS WORSE STILL, BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON I STILL PUT UP WITH THIS PERSON. 

So, enter me, just going back to uni for the spring/early summer semester. Our stage sets itself in my campus’ bookstore, at about noon or one o’clock in the afternoon. The line from the bookstore stretches from the counter, at one end of the store, wraps around the perimeter of that very large, very spacious room that was at one point a lecture hall, goes through the hall to the next room which also used to be a massive classroom, wraps around that and goes out the back door. I had to get up for an 8:30 that was across the field that day. I had non-stop class until this point, I had had no breakfast (though I think I had a sip of orange juice to keep from conking out), I had been waiting in line for close to an hour, my arms were full of heavy textbooks I dreaded having to pay for, and I only had one hand free for typing, and there was a chance I’d be late to my next class if this line didn’t get moving. As you can imagine, I wasn’t much in the mood for talking (though I think I made the effort for Rodi and Maddie (my best friend from public school who I still talk to) since I enjoy talking to them and it made me feel a bit better). Anyway, I’m in line, tired, irate, and scrolling through tumblr, and Cheeper messages me with a ‘hey’. Oh fuck, I think, this isn’t good. I greet them anyway - just a ‘hi’. I’m only giving one word answers at this point, since I’m not in a chatty mood, and, as I mentioned, I’m typing with just my thumb and that fucking sucks and takes forever, and I’m also trying to keep my place in line. Cheeper starts asking me about school, and I’m very confused, because never once in the months I’d known them had they ever taken an interest in me or my life. ‘so you’re in university right’ they ask. I remember most of this conversation word for word, and you’ll see why. ‘yeah’, I reply. ‘What year?’ they ask; ‘Second \o/’ I say, adding an emoji b/c I love that one. ‘Cool, what’s your major?’ they ask, and I’m getting hopeful that maybe they’ve turned a new leaf and my patience with them has been rewarded. So I tell them ‘Classics \O/’ with a slightly more excited emoji, and they tell me that’s cool, mention their major is in foreign languages - I think Chinese? Maybe Spanish? This is the one message I can never remember in its entirety, because the next one almost knocked me over. I replied with ‘cool’, and a half second later, Cheeper asks, 

“Are you out to your family yet?”

This complete fucking stranger, this grown-ass adult I barely knew, straight up asked me if I was out to my family, yet. I have never been asked that question before or since. I am out only to people on tumblr, and a small group of my most trusted friends from high school. And this person had the fucking audacity to ask me right out if I was. 

I was shocked.

I will not lie to you, I almost dropped my phone. I think I stopped breathing for a second, and I nearly lost my place in line. I was torn between just being frozen and being fucking livid. After a moment when I didn’t respond, they added, ‘Can I ask that?’ And I swear those two messages are tattooed into my mind.

“Are you out to your family yet?”

Holy fuck.

So I manage to collect myself enough to type out ‘no, I’m not’. 

‘Damn,’ they say. ‘Because my mom keeps messing up my pronouns and I wanted to know if you have any advice.’ 

Because why the fuck else would they care about me, right?

And then they proceeded to complain about their life and their aphobic family to me AGAIN, for HOURS, but at that point I’d been ignoring their messages and was instead talking to Maddie for advice on how to handle the situation. I had no idea what to do. I was lost. Like. I wanted to block them so bad but they’d been subtly guilt-tripping me about it for so long (’you’d never block me, you’re my best friend’ was just the start of that, tbh) that I felt bad for it? And Maddie was just like ‘jay no that’s fucked up get rid of them’ and I did.

I have never once regretted it and holy fuck it feels amazing to get this shit off my chest.

And yeah, so.

That was one of my worst RP experiences.

Are you out to your family yet.

I’d sell them to Satan for half a stale corn chip I swear to Christ. 

[childrenofathoria-rp-blog]

◆Out Of Character Information◆

Name/Age: Jan, 20 years old Preferred Pronouns: She/Her Timezone: GMT+1 Desired Character: Raziel

◆Character Information◆

(1)  What pronouns will your character be using? Would you like to list their sexuality at this time?: 

She/Her. As for her sexuality, no, I don’t want to list her sexuality for the time being; I don’t know where I want to go with this character yet.

(2)  Any changes or comments?

 Nothing!

(3) Why this character? 

To be honest, I wasn’t that interested in angels until I checked out Admin Raven’s FAQ page this morning. What she wrote about angels piqued my interest and I started to take a closer look at the species. Damn, I think I fell in love right away. They’re much more complex than one might think! Since Raziel is listed as a wanted character in game, I decided to read her biography and I don’t regret anything, she’s lovely.

(4) Interpret this character: Example quotes that give me Raziel muse: “Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

“People aren’t born sad; we make them that way.”

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”

“For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.”

“Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.”

“Some girls are full of heartache and poetry and those are the kind of girls who try to save wolves instead of running away from them.”

This character in a nutshell → Raziel is peace-loving, knowledgeable and just. Being an Archangel, thus an angel of the highest Order, they are a creature with incredible strenght and power. Not only do they carry God’s most important messages to humans, but also know of his most holy secrets. In other words: Being an angel, specifically an angel like Raziel, doesn’t only come with glory but also with tragedy and heavy burdens. There is a reason for the usually somber expression on their face, several reasons actually which render them more pitiful than gifted. Due to the fact that Raziel is able to foresee terrible events, but is actually not allowed nor able to change the course of things, they feel unbearable depression and sadness. They’re sentiments which are omnipresent and wear heavily on their mind like a heavy cloak soaked in water. In spite of this however, the angel never questions Him and has unyielding faith.

Heaven → Raziel feels still very connected with the realm and misses it. This aspect yet again proves how ambivalent their gift is. They knew of Lucifer’s plans, but couldn’t do anything to prevent his fall from grace. I imagine that many detest them for this and don’t know the gravity of Raziel’s burdens, which can be very frustrating.

Humans → I think that, because Raziel is not able to interfere and mess with time and space thus warding off potential evil, they are very driven to offer as much help and goodness as possible in the present. It explains their desire to see only the best in humanity and to offer mankind aid. As a therapist, Raziel can actively help those who are torn, confused and going through a hard time; they can contribute to a process of change. Knowing that the future might come with hardships, they feel obliged to bring joy to the people now, to show the humans that His creation isn’t flawed, to inspire that life is made out of much more than black and white shades. There is good as much as there is less than that — but always worth.

Life among humans → 800 years is a very long time. Enough time to know exactly how the human world works. If asked a question, it is very likely that Raziel knows the answer right away. Their love for knowledge is insane and not to be underestimated. I’d like to imagine that Raziel is familiar with many languages, cultures and respective traditions. They have an old soul which constantly seeks the new but also treasures the old. Their mind is a vast and overwhelming place. It is easy for Raziel to communicate with people of all ages and classes. They feel joy in sharing their knowledge, but I think that they also feel rather bored quite often because it is rare for others to be able to follow their thoughts and keep up with their rationale.

+ bonus: Considering that Heaven is structured via a hierachy, they don’t mind the concept of a monarchy, so as long as it is fair and just. Vinsor for example proved to be a cruel and unfitting ruler. Franco Athor however has done well to bring harmony to humans and opposing species. They hope that the new king will do a similarly good job, but do not blindly put their trust in this.

Non-human species → As an angel, they avoid everything tainted by sin and of demonic nature. As far as other species are concerned, Raziel isn’t able to provide as much knowledge as with humans, meaning that they show great interest in them. Although they have probably collected vague information about each existing species, they know not enough to feel satified and content.

I will quote directly from the main: “They (angels) are to keep a close eye on mankind and learn all they can about other Supernaturals.”

This allows a lot of room for interactions in game. Not only is she supposed to learn about other supernaturals, but they actually desire so themselves. Please send some werewolves our way (mostly because I ship Gaia and God, SUE ME).

Abilities → I LOVE that angels are able to heal. In Raziel’s case, this is a win-win; they are able to heal both mental and physical wounds, woohoo! I’m also very intrugued by the telepathy powers that some angels have. It would be so cool if Raziel was gifted with it, simply for the reason that they work as a therapist. With access to people’s mind/thoughts, it would make their job way easier and definitely more interesting.

Summing up possible positive traits → Benevolent, protective, wise, intelligent, curious, cooperative, dedicated, insightful.

Summing up possible negative traits → Secretive, cautious, somber. How can this baby be possibly negative in any way?

◆ Interview Questions ◆

(1) Question One: Have you ever encountered a mind you couldn’t understand?

“Two. Ever since I can remember, there have been only two minds that I couldn’t understand completely.” She smiles in a savvy manner. “None of them were human. Do you want to know who?” She made two gestures. She pointed with her forefinger upward first, then downward. “One is a father, the other a son. The latter rebelled, the other banished. The end of this story is history and written down in several books.”

(2) Question Two: Is there anything you wish you didn’t know?

Raziel stays quiet for a long time as they ponder the question. “There are many secrets who come with heavy burdens. It is certainly not easy to carry these burdens. They keep me awake sometimes at night, several nights.” They finally smile, although it is small and barely there. “But I would never ask anyone to take these burdens from me. I am glad that I know and I consider myself gifted. If it weren’t for my knowledge, my very existence wouldn’t be shaped as it is today. Most importantly however, if I wasn’t ready to embrace the knowledge that was given to me, somebody else would have taken my place. I don’t want that. I don’t want someone else to bear the consequences.”

◆Writing Sample:◆

Miervalids was one of Raziel’s favorite places to be. It was a large coastal city inhabited by friendly and welcoming people. It was very warm here, very pleasant. The landscape was like a vast canvas painted with white and blue dots; they all connected perfectly and together transcended into a masterpiece of peace and beauty. The angel closed their eyes and enjoyed the soft breeze, the one that could only be found at the beach. Miervaldis had several of them. The shore was a graceful arc of sand, glittering under the summer sun, a place for a placid ocean to lap. The waves rolled in with a soothing sound, the salty water a brief flurry of sand. Every few meters of so lay a shell, a treasure of the aquatic world just out of reach, and the footprints they left behind were soon erased. It was here, at this particular rock however, where they had met their current vessel, a scholar named Anshi.

“How were you able to climb up there?” “Who wants to know this?”

Raziel’s vessel was a man at that time, a young healer who travelled the world and sought to give his help wherever he could. “Raziel,” they said, sharing their real name.

“Anshi.”

They exchanged curious glances, but Raziel said no more and waited.

“That is an odd name, RAH-ZIEEEL. Never heard of it before.” Anshi shrugged her shoulders, then turned to look at the ocean again. “Despite my appearance, I’m actually still rather flexible. My mind is young too. It only took me three hours to get up here.”

Raziel threaded their fingers through their beard, an amused smirk on their lips. Spirited, that one.

“I like this rock a lot. Nobody knows when and how it got here. It appeared out of nowhere and ever since became part of this beach. And it’s so huge!” Anshi patted the rough surface, lovingly.

“Were you ever curious about the origins of the rock?”

“Of course I was. It appeared when I was still a child. I was very angry about it because I had built a sand castle the night before, exactly where the rock suddenly stood. My anger didn’t last long however. I spent months on trying to figure out why and how the rock came to be, but I never found an answer.” Anshi’s expression became somber. “At some point, I stopped to look for an answer. I grew up, I became an adult and moved away with my parents. I dedicated my life to learn about bigger mysteries. The human mind is a fascinating world to study.”

Raziel listened intently, fascinated by this old lady.

“And then… then I was married to a man I didn’t even love. I got kept busy with tasks like sewing, cooking and gardening.” She made an indignant sound. “Horrible, really. He was a dumb oaf.”

After two more hours, Raziel sat next to Anshi and learned that her family and husband died a few months ago. A terrible fire had consumed their lives. Alone and sad, she returned to her home from childhood days.

“Life is precious, isn’t it? And too short.” Anshi’s face was wet, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “This rock made me remember. The me from back then, the true me. There are still so many things I wish to learn about, so many things I would like to see, so many people I yearn to meet and exchange my ideas with. But I have become old and weak. I won’t have much longer to live. There is no way to catch up with my past now. There is no way to make this old body young again.”

After a long time pondering, Raziel averted their gaze away from the ocean and looked at Anshi. Their head tilted slightly to the side and a knowing smirk formed on their lips.

“Actually… There is.”

[arielthelionhearted]

I’m currently working on moving a few muses to a mumu. And after a lot of thought, I’ve decided to keep Ursula and Killian on their blogs. I spent a lot of time organizing their blogs and I don’t want to archive my urls for them or risk losing them. So I’ll be on them. But they will be on a ‘by request’ basis and I’ll only accept plotted out threads instead of just accepting threads at random or from memes (with very few exceptions). I’m also keeping Gabe and Sombra on their sideblogs since I hate moving shit around and again, I like their urls. They’ll also be a bit selective as far as threads/plots go, and I’m probably limiting Gabe to single ship with my friend’s Jack since I haven’t really liked any other ships/connected with other partners romantically on his blog this far.

So, to sum up, blogs that I’m keeping as is are:

La Llorona ( @elfondodelrio ) Killian Jones ( @iamalwaysagentleman ) Ursula ( @itwontcostmuch ) Gabriel Reyes ( @muertocaminando ) Sombra/Ximena ( @hacktivismo )

But as far as my mumu, I’m going to be listing the following:

Cinderella Snow White Elisa (from The Wild Swans) Lydia Alvarez (One Day At A Time) Elena Alvarez (One Day At A Time) Blackbeard/La Camara Prohibida female character

activity on these blogs will be sporadic, and Ariel will of course remain as my main blog.