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rose-wine-selfships · 4 years ago

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Thank you @nadineselfships for nominating me in this tag game! 🙏💕

nickname: I’m commonly nicknamed Chrissy. But people sometimes call me sweetie, sweetheart, and at times pussycat.

zodiac: I’M A LEO BBY! YASSS QUEEN! BOW DOWN TO ME! ♌️ 👑 💅💄👄

height: 5′ 2″, I’m a sassy shrimp with a height complex. 🤣🤣🤣

last thing i googled: “10 Things You’ll Relate to If You’re an ENFJ”. Basically, I’m an MBTI nerd and I highly identify as an ENFJ!

song stuck in my head: I Feel It Coming-The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk. It’s SUCH a good song!!! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh it reminds me of me and my main F/O, Atsushi Nakajima! We both have been through past traumas but we overcome them to fall in love together!!! 💖💖💖

number of followers: Last time I checked it was around 180 followers, something close to 200 so far (I think?).

average amount of sleep: Honestly, it’s either little to no hours or too many hours at this point. It fluctuates and ughhhh I HATE IT!!! It interrupts me from getting full beauty sleep!!!

lucky number: NUMBER 9! My birthdays on the 9th of August so I consider it lucky!!!

dream job: Either being a freelance artist, famous musician/youtuber, or a world traveler and food connoisseur.

currently wearing: My quarantine outfit! Which consists of a cute, pink,” I 💖 Marilyn Monroe” sleepshirt, and pink and green Christmas holiday pajamas that are warm to the touch! Comfort and cuteness are the key to me! 😉😘

favourite song: Just The Two Of Us by Grover Washington Jr. & Bill Withers, and Kiss From A Rose by Seal. Both are such romantic songs and it gets me all fuzzy inside. 🥰🥰🥰

favourite instrument: SAXOPHONE! SAXOPHONE! SAXOPHONE! I CANNOT stress this enough! It just OOZES sensuality and sexual feelings, and it gets me flustered in no time. I don’t care what you look like, just start playing saxophone around me and I’ll become putty in your hands! Lol. 🎷😍💓

aesthetic: Tired Mom Friend (that bears too much burden/trauma on her shoulders) and wants the world for her loved ones, or Traumatized cinnamon roll that desperately needs a hug.

favourite author: I surprisingly like the real life Atsushi Nakajima so far! He’s very intellectual, philosophical, and forward progressive as an author. It was rare to find those kinds of authors back then so I appreciate him more because of it. He’s so cool! 🤩🤩🤩

favourite animal noise: A kitty purring loudly while I pet it. Hearing a cats purr calms me in no time, and I miss that sound tbh. 😔

tagging: I tag @nougatships @nohr-and-thirst @kittyandco @silentlyfangirlingselfshipper @snowlilys-wife @ghostsships @ghosts-in-stock @hizentadahiro @lildreamysoul @lutece-mess @mythuna @queerdistortion @quesselfships @riessene @truedespair @uchihafambam @wearileigh @zoliis-selfship-stuff @zero-arcana and anyone else who wants to do this!!! 🌹🍷✨

#pinkprophetpost #rose posts #tag game #getting to know me #self ship community #feel free to do this anyone!!!#i love these tag games!!!

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morethanithoughtofficialblog · 5 years ago

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Chapter 17: A judgment phase, a judgment hall

In which Sans questions his present and remembers his past.

*Sans's POV*

A silent room, a thousand stares, a broken soul and a judgment phase. People waiting quietly, almost going mad, not understanding what will happen next. Too afraid to think about it. Too afraid.

Crossing through hallways, elevators and more people. Everything was so insanely white I felt like vomiting, but nothing came out...

Am I doing this too dramatic? Probably.

Welcome to "Psychiatric Treatments to Surreal Disorders" (or for short, hah, PTSD. What a sense of humor). This is a huge hospital dedicated to people that have the same problems as I do: depression, insomnia, PTSD, and more. No one, however, wants to be here... and I include myself. The way the nurses smile sickly to you and how nonvictims show you a pitiful look it's almost unbearable. I mean, if you ain't going to help, just shut the fuck up and mind your own fucking business...

Please.

"THIS... IS IT, BROTHER. THE PSYCHOLOGIST MR. ROBINSON WILL ATTEND YOU IN THIS PLACE!"

"you... you are not comin'?" I asked childishly, but also in extreme fear. I wasn't ready- it was too soon!

"I'M AFRAID I WON'T, SANS. BUT WORRY NOT! I WILL WAIT FOR YOU HERE..."

I sighed, the receptionist registered me, then I left Papyrus behind... who was eagerly watching TV. I closed the door behind me, and I saw an old man taking note of something. When he heard the click of the door, though, his eyes noticed me and he gave me a small smile. I smiled back nervously while I followed his... orders and I sat down. Then he adjusted his glasses, took a sip out of his coffee, and finally focused ON HIS FUCKING PATIENT! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

...

Sorry.

"Hello! You must be Sans the Skeleton, right?"

Oh wow, how did he knew? He's a fucking genius! O-M-G.

...

Fuck my life.

"you are right, sir. or should i call you mr. robinson?"

He nodded quietly, that smile growing wider. He reluctantly offered his hand and, with the same caution, I shook it. I tried to get as comfy as possible in that chair, but I felt really out of place. This wasn't only nervousness but also being... uncomfortable. Not only my seat but the atmosphere as well. It was... tense. Really tense.

"So before we start..." he looked to what I supposed that were my files, then looked back at me "Would you tell me what is the reason you are coming here?"

Because a psychiatrist told me so?

"i... i've been feeling quite desperate lately. i feel empty, useless, i have sleeping problems and i get this constant dreams that torment me badly. they even make me want to never fall asleep again, which it's really weird since i love sleeping"

He nodded, then wrote something down on a small notebook. He then showed me a paper that asked a lot of things about my personal life: if I knew my parents, if I had any brothers, if I got any love interests recently, etc.

"We are going to be answering this together, ok Sans? I will ask you and you will tell me. I'll write it down"

"i see... let's get started, then" I shrugged, trying to maintain my usual self. But at that moment I feel uncovered; not even my mask was working.

And we began with questions that made me want to run away. I felt pressured and, in a long time, insecure of myself. Normally I have the confidence to dismiss topics, make jokes, or hell, even lie... but not today. It was awful, to say the least.

"Do you want to talk about your dreams, Sans?" He asked immediately after answering the fucking questionnaire, and just as fast, I shook my head 'no'. There was no way I could be prepared for something so... intimate. He...

hE wILL sAy i aM cRAZy.

Who would believe my story, anyway? A flower that was before the Prince of all Monsters suddenly had the biggest determination in the Underground, and thanks to it, the power to control time and space like it was just a videogame. He could come back from death and manipulate timelines as he pleased, until a twelve years old girl came. The girl had more determination, and therefore, was the new one in control. She at first was a pacifist angel, but soonly became bored and made devastating genocides over and over, never getting enough. The only one she fought but didn't kill was me, and that way, I stopped her every Genocide run from doing a True Reset, and thanks to that, I have remembered every timeline.

...

He will send me to a fucking hospital.

But I'll never tell him, so I guess I shouldn't be afraid of that. Is not even a possibility if I keep it as a secret...

But if I never tell him, I'll never get out of this shit...

"Ok Sans, we'll be walking step by step. I'll see you next week?"

"...sure"

"Excellent, thanks for coming. Have a great day"

And in my mind something clicked, repeating the words 'thanks for coming' all over and over. What he wanted is not to help me, but to gain more clients. If I become the first monster getting treated successfully by him, his popularity will be flooding like water. Besides that, any other monster that may have similar problems will immediately consider him as the first option.

When I got out, Papyrus asked me enthusiastically if it went okay and I nodded, making him feel happier. I was not in the mood to deal with all this stuff, and so I lied, like I always have done. We walked over the same hallways, the same whiteness, and the same stares. Pitiful looks and sick smiles. Elevators and, outside them, more people. More people. More people.

A silent room, a thousand stares, a broken soul and a judgment phase. Except, that it was not only a broken soul. All of the souls in there were broken, one way or another. Me being too weak, I had to look to the white walls again, not being able to tolerate the pain in their eyes. So monotone, so predictable, so... professional. This place felt more like a business rather than a place that will hear you out. It didn't feel like a home at all. And probably, that's what everyone in the room wanted. A new home. A new family. A new life.

But that's stupid, isn't it? Just looking at the name again made me feel like throwing up, but nothing came out. Just a pitiful groan and a killer headache, just in time. PTSD? Hah, is that even funny? To call a hospital PTSD? C' mon, people can't be that inconsiderate. Victims don't want to remember their disabilities, because that's what often torments us the most: memories...

Fucking memories.

Fucking memories that will make the pain unbearable, the scenes way too real, and your heart stop. It's stupid to think that a place supposed to help you should joke about it...

They don't understand.

Therefore, they don't have the right to joke about it.

Not now.

Not ever.

We returned home, and after a couple of minutes after arriving, I went out for a walk. I was feeling so confused, angry, and... I don't even know. I panicked, but I couldn't panic there at home. Not when it was Gaster's break, and he would be there to witness my mental breakdown. He would just smile pitifully and mutter under his breath "what a disappointment". And I can't bring myself to hear his sharp words again.

Not now.

Not ever.

And so I walked past the houses and the neighbors, my hood covering my distressed look. Hands in the pockets, smile on the face; usual Sansy being his Sansational self. Except I wasn't.

The streets were crowded as expected, considering this is a huge city. Businessmen and businesswomen walked with a coffee in hand and a cellphone on the other. Kinda reminded me of (Y/N), or what I know about her. They seemed so calm, but I knew that some of them could be panicking because she did. She, internally, was screaming for help. Wonder how many of these people would be doing the same.

A small waterdrop fell out of the sky, and then some more joined it, making proudly a powerful rain. People were either running or getting their umbrellas out, looking at the other poor souls like they were stupid. I only continued walking, my tears being mixed up with the raindrops. I smiled, knowing no one would know that I was crying. No one would have cared, either.

I walked through restaurants, huge buildings, recreative centers, and bars. All the neon signals were on, lighting up the city like the stars could have done if it wasn't so polluted. I sighed, remembering that I haven't seen those luminescent bodies in a while. I would have to go to Mount Ebott and wish for luck if I wanted to see them again.

I ended up on a dark road, where the lights were flickering and already weak. The part of the city that newcomers or tourists never see, because it's just a mess. The part where almost every person lives in.

Before I turned away, thinking that I should return home, I noticed a fluffy white dog. It was soaking, just as I was, and I chuckled lightly. I got closer and noticed it was a she, and that she had an injury in one of her legs. I then carried her, and with the little energy I still had, I teleported back to my room.

Me, being the paranoid skeleton I am, always have a first-aid kit in my room, hidden behind my desk. I took and immediately healed the dog, who soon after was already jumping and running all over my place. I laughed lightly, feeling a bit better. She had no name tag, but her hair was pretty good actually. Now that she was warmer and better, I started to think of a name I hadn't used yet...

When I was in the Underground, I adopted like twenty dogs. Papy may hate them, but I don't. In fact, I love them with all my soul. And she being all cute and fluffy, I couldn't help myself. Not even six months in the surface and I was already adopting a dog... new record, I guess.

"what should be your name, sweetheart?" I asked her in the same affectionate way I treat all dogs, petting her slowly. She just moved her tail faster, and I let out a laugh. I think dogs are quite my weak point...

"i'll name you maya, is that okay with you? or do you have any objections?" She just barked, and I hummed happily.

Maya it is, then.

"SANS? IS THAT YOU?!" Papyrus shouted, and I quickly hide Maya in the closet.

"yes papy! i have returned!"

"GOOD! NOW COME DOWNSTAIRS AND JOIN US FOR DINNER, BROTHER!"

Oh fuck it, I'm not going there.

"Yes son, you should join us this evening! Today's a lucky day that we all can be together!" Arial added, trying her best to be optimistic. Now I have more reasons to not join them.

"i, em.. already eat, on the way home" I lied badly, but I knew that Papyrus would believe it.

"OH, I HATE WHEN YOU DO THAT! CAN'T YOU JUST WAIT A BIT MORE?!" Bingo.

"sorry bro, i was really hungry"

"BUT YOU ATE A LOT OF (Y/N)'S LASAGNA!"

"and i could have eaten more"

He just groaned and told me that if I did the same tomorrow he would make me eat anyways. I gulped silently and told him "whatever you say, bro". Then I locked the door of my room and got Maya out of her hiding spot, who excitedly started to jump and scratch my legs.

How am I supposed to feed this dog?

I couldn't teleport for a long time since I drained out my energy, and coming downstairs with the excuse I was going out wasn't an option. I sighed, feeling stupid.

I should have bought food in the way instead of teleporting.

Miraculously, though, I noticed a bag of chips laying on my desk. I read the contents and noticed that they didn't have that many salts, and so I took it as a reliable option. Besides, let's just say that I've feed some dogs with chips before... they didn't die though, so that's a point for me.

I gave her one and she ate it happily, then she was trying to reach the whole bag. I chuckled and gave it to her; it was mostly air, anyways. I'm not harming her that much.

I then flopped into my bed and buried my face in the pillow. Maya jumped into the bed and laid down next to me, while my mind was wandering through all the things I've done. I turned off the lights, hoping I could get a good night sleep. That was just a wish, obviously. But at least I could pet Maya all night long- something to get distracted with.

I laughed softly, feeling weak, tired, and useless. A few tears rolled down my cheekbones, and even the dog noticed how bad I was feeling with myself. She cried softly and I felt worse, making me cry a bit louder. I tried to distract myself with my phone, but the painful memories and the feeling of dread consumed me totally.

I couldn't think of anything else. Maya fell asleep eventually, something I was able to do a few years ago. I tried to comfort myself with stroking her soft, white hair. I cried more but softer, and eventually, I fell asleep...

And there I was, in the Judgment Hall, all alone and frustrated. Orange and yellow, light coming from the windows that have the Delta Rune, the symbol of The Prophecy. A shining yellow diamond was on the other end, one that I always have feared: the SavePoint. Before I could calm down, a kid with green eyes appeared in front of me.

Frisk was there, with a red and kinda beautiful knife in her right hand. Unlike in other runs, she had her eyes wide opened, showing how insane she has turned. She wears a small smile that is empty as her soul, and her new determination had only one purpose: to kill.

"why hello buddy" Myself said, and I just watched from behind. "you've been busy, huh?"

And all that dialogue I force myself to repeat was said again, while I tried to don't hear who I was again. There was no escape, however, of that deep voice that corresponds me. Clear hints of anger, desperation, sadness, and feeling of betrayal were there. The other Sans was on the edge, almost breaking down.

Then the fight started, knife moving threateningly and bones flying all over the hallway. She often laughed demoniacally and my past self was trying to keep his cool with a huge smile. The glowing eye of the skeleton changed between blue and yellow, my position was tense, and the laugh of the kid was deafening. I wanted to scream, to punch the windows, and to finally kill myself.

The world turned black, then I appeared before the dusty scarf of my brother. I covered my eyes that were already blurry from the tears, and I fell to my knees. A painful headache stung insistently, and a lot of killer flashbacks of dust being on the floor. The cries, the screams of despair, the fear of the alive... it was all awful.

And it was all her fault.

#more than i thought #more than i thought fanfiction #sans x reader #sans #x reader #chapter 17

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