#i hate proving ppl right after i fought them off so long

[gogh-bitch]

bro i hate proving every health professional ever and my parents right but tell me why i went for a 4km walk and i actually feel good? is exercising really the way to manage my depression???? nah i can’t believe it

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Does gojo just fight for the thrill of it?…

Idkk I’m really confused tbf the manga really puzzled me 😭😭 (IM GONNA GO ON A RANT BEAR WITH ME PLSS 🙏 LOLL)

The afterlife chapter and how it’s shown, that he just fought sukuna for the thrill of it and not to protect others (students). I think that was implied by nanami when he called gojo a freak for enjoying and getting a thrill out of fighting them, while most sorcerers take it more seriously in a sense where they’re fighting for their lives and to survive/not get killed.. also what even is gojos motivation to keep going? This is a question I ask myself alot!! Is it his entire upbringing and how it was drilled into his head that he’s a weapon meant to be used or is it that he sincerely enjoys exorcising curses and it makes him feel superior (I find the latter more uncharacteristic of him tbh since why would he just do it for the sake of it?? It’s definitely draining to go on missions constantly and shoulder the responsibility of saving the world.. so does he view himself as some sort of a curse exorcising machine?…

Also many ppl on twitter call him selfish and uncaring towards others (his students,colleagues..) since he didn’t kill sukuna right after he got unsealed and waited for a month when sukuna got much stronger? Where he could’ve just finished sukuna off instead of dragging it into the shinjuku arc…

Also I really hate how in general gojo our smoll pookie baby gets soooo mischaracterized and gets called selfish, a philanderer, red flag, uncaring towards EVERYONE?? Some ppl even go as far as to say that he has a chronic god complex. <———— THIS ALL DRIVES ME INSANEEE

however, I kinda do think he has a superiority complex going on… Since he was put on a pedestal since birth and everyone praises him and considered him as the strongest and some kind of hero who’s only job/purpose is to constantly keep saving the weak… This may have gotten into his head a lil too much which shaped his perspective into him believing he’s superior than the other people who he must save from curses etc..

I WOULD LOVEEE LOVEEE YOUR TAKE ON THIS MY DEAREST ARI PLSS SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS (even if it’s multiple paragraphs 😋) ❤️❤️❗️

P.S I’m a new anon so call me bunny anon for any future asks 🥺

hiiiiii there my dearest little bunny anon!!!!! is this emoji okay? 🐰 or would you prefer this? 🐇 i’ll go with the former for now but please tell me if you’d like the other one instead <33333

NOWWW . okay okay okay. this was super interesting to answer, thank you sm for sharing your thoughts and letting me do the same!!!! and please keep in mind that this is all really just my own take :3 but i do have a loooot of thoughts abt this + the sukugo fight in general, so!!! buckle up.

long discussion + spoilers for chap. 236 under the cut!!

ALRIGHT . SO . i’m gonna try to adress everything in this ask but i am in fact scatterbrained so please bear with me 😭😭😭

well, first of all — yes, gojo absolutely fights for the thrill of it. the sukugo fight is a great example of this because it’s the only fight we see gojo let completely loose, but it’s an even better example because it also proves that gojo fights for a lot more than that. he obviously enjoys fighting, but i think you’d be missing a lot of key points of his character if you tried to say that’s all he fights for, you know? we know that gojo is fighting and training for the sake of making a change, of nurturing others, but more than anything else — gojo fights because that’s all he knows how to do. he was raised as a weapon. of course he’d grow to love fighting!! he literally has no choice but to live the life he was born into, and that’s the life of a weapon. weapons exist to kill.

i think his love for fighting is sincere, but it’s also a direct effect of being born as the strongest — do you see what i’m saying? gojo enjoys the thrill of a good fight, but there’s a lot more to it than that. and i personally think that he views fighting as a way to connect with others, not just an adrenaline rush. that’s kind of the whole point of the sukugo fight — they’re reaching out for each other.

aaaand that brings me to my second point!! i think the sukugo fight is like…. the most important fight to examine when discussing gojo’s character, because it tells us so much about him and why he fights in the first place. in this case — the manga almost outright states that he was fighting to teach sukuna about love. and this following part is just my own take!!!! but i think gojo cared about that on a personal level, that went beyond his duty to exorcise sukuna as a curse. gojo cared about sukuna. i think this is undeniable and that alone proves that he was fighting for something other than the thrill of it. he was having fun, but it wasn’t just because of the violence — it was because of sukuna himself.

(stan sukugo btw)

and!!! it was also because of his students!!! i think this point is also undeniable. i reaaaalllyyy disagree with anyone who thinks gojo doesn’t care about them because it’s so …. obvious??? that he does???? he may not be the perfect father figure that the fandom often depicts him as (<- not complaining btw i eat that shit up), but he’s a good teacher. and he cares for them. he’s fighting sukuna for a lot of reasons, one of them being his love for megumi, who i’d argue is like a younger brother to him / the most important person to him since suguru died. <- that’s just my own hc really, but either way gojo cares for him!!! it’s obvious that he’s fighting with his students in mind, because he mentions them so many times. he is fighting to protect them. his character is built on a desire to nurture the youth, even at his own expense.

(he loves them!!!!!!)

so, with that out of the way — let’s talk about nanami’s comment in 236. because i think a LOT of people misinterpreted it completely 😭😭 nanami mentions a scene back in premature death, where he exhaustedly asks geto why they can’t just leave everything to gojo. he then proceeds to say that gojo never cared about keeping sorcery going, or protecting people, and that his strength was all built on self satisfaction.

panels for reference:

…. but notice that nanami is speaking in past tense. he mentions a moment in his youth, and follows it up with what his thought process was during that moment — to put things really simply, nanami isn’t talking about our gojo in this scene, he’s talking about gojo during his teenage years. the reason why the cast appears as teenagers in this scene isn’t just because that’s when gojo was happiest, but also to highlight how far he’s come as a person. how much suguru’s defection changed him and his values. teen!gojo wasn’t a bad person by any means, but he was definitely more selfish than gojo is now. teen!gojo cared about the people around him, but he did fight for self-satisfaction above all else.

our gojo doesn’t. our gojo fights to protect people, to make sure no one is lonely — not even sukuna — and because he has to. because he enjoys it, but also because it’s his duty to do so. there is absolutely a purpose behind gojo’s fighting. he’s matured a lot. he cares about a lot.

so, to answer your question properly: yes, gojo fights for the thrill of it. he also fights for a lot of other things.

[shinsouskitten]

Hey Kat🤗 I was wondering if you could write about Bakugou, Shinsou, or Hawks meeting the reader’s family and something goes wrong and they don’t like them at first. Or possibly the parents think they are a negative influence on the reader.

Hey hey hey

I asked my mom how she’d react if I was dating someone she didn't like and she rlly just said “you wouldn’t be dating them if i didn’t like them”

like damn sis okay chile

Warnings: does it count as angst if the parents are the ones being mean? if so, there’s angst, but also fluff, bakugou is bakugou

---

💥 Katsuki Bakugou:

It wasn’t the best first meeting. You had planned to introduce your long term boyfriend to your family at your own pace, but of course the villains of the city had other plans. 

You were on a date, en route to the cinema to catch a new movie amidst Bakugou’s insistence that it was a ‘stupid unrealistic movie’. Mere metres from the entrance a villain came rushing past, a handful of gold jewelry in his arms. He pushed you to the side in order to keep running, which of course enraged Bakugou, who immediately took off after the villain, completely oblivious to the sirens following his path. 

Unsurprisingly he caught him within moments, but what you hadn’t realized was that all the events had been caught by your dad, standing on the other side of the street. Your dad knew you had a partner, and he knew that they were a hero, given you cancelled every opportunity to meet with the excuse of ‘another villain attack’. What he hadn't expected, however, was for your partner to be possibly his least favorite hero currently climbing the ranks. 

Later that night, after your forfeit on the movie date in favour of a much more simple date with your bed, you had a series of texts from your parents. 

So, Ground Zero is the partner we’ve heard so little about?

He’s a bit aggressive, isn’t he?

You should’ve told us sooner.

We just don’t want you getting hurt.

That had been the moment you were waiting for. Anyone who didn’t know Bakugou (and a few who did) would describe him as a never ending pool of anger, too aggressive to be a hero and too mean to be a good partner. But if they knew him the same way you did, they would know that’s not always the case.

Of course he’s angry when he has to deal with stupid villains interrupting every date he plans, or news reporters crowding him like an animal in a zoo whenever they got the chance. But he was different with you, more relaxed. He didn’t exactly express his emotions in the best ways, but he loved you, and he’d never hurt you.

Your parents practically demanded a meeting the next day, and blatantly refused to accept any excuses of villain attacks or the like. The meeting was awkward, with your father almost attempting to provoke Bakugou simply to prove a point, but your boyfriend knew this. He put on a good face, masking his worry and anger with an uncharacteristically kind attitude and baffling you all.

Maybe he’d changed his ways. Or at least, that was the conclusion your parents came to by the end of the night, wishing you well as you made your way home. You fought the urge to laugh at Bakugou’s sudden change once your parents left his view, and held back a smile throughout his mutterings of ‘stupid extras’.

He kept up appearances for long enough, but by the time your parents noticed it was a farce, they realized there was nothing they could do to stop the love you held for each other. After all, he may be an ass, but he’d never hurt you.

---

💜 Hitoshi Shinsou:

Shinsou, on the other hand, wanted to meet your family pretty quickly. If anything, just to get it out of the way, but there was a part of him that wanted the validation that he was good enough for you. Sometimes he just didn’t feel like he was, so if your parents liked him, it’d definitely be a weight off his shoulders.

The two of you picked out a nice restaurant, keeping in mind your parents favorite foods in an attempt to butter them up, then send them a text asking you to meet you and Shinsou for dinner. They replied eagerly, especially when you mentioned the two of you were covering the bill. 

You arrived first, giving your name at the door and sitting down on the plush leather anxiously awaiting the arrival of your parents. When you finally saw them, the two of you stood up to greet them, you offering hugs while Shinsou held out his hand with a smile. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” He said.

Your parents nodded, a false replica of a smile on their faces as they ignored Shinsou’s hand.

The air around you was thick, no one willing to be the first to break the uncomfortable silence, until you eventually suggested you all sit down. You made a mental note to tip your waiter extra when the night was over. It was clear they could sense the awkwardness, and thank the lord they came over at the exact moments you feared a bomb might explode.

The meals went down perfectly, but the atmosphere made it difficult to enjoy anything. Your parents spoke little, and when they did, it was always to you, almost as if Shinsou wasn’t even present. 

To be truly honest, he’d expected this reaction, although he hoped he was just overthinking. He knew people didn’t react to his quirk well, and there were many misconceptions about how much he used it. He had hoped your parents hadn’t been so quick to judge.

By the time your waiter delivered your check, you were ready to curl up in your bed and not emerge for a good few weeks. The four of you walked to the door silently, but before you could wish them goodnight, Shinsou spoke up, his hand holding yours tightly as he faced your parents.

“I just want you to know, whether you like me or not, I love Y/n more than anything, and I would never do anything to hurt them. I will protect them until my last breath, and I hope that we can sort out any differences with time.”

Did he really just confess his love to you in front of your parents? Yup. Well, at least it seemed to get a response this time, as your dad replied:

“I should hope you do.” Your dad held out his hand, and Shinsou took it a bit more than happily. “Or I’ll kill you myself.”

Shinsou laughed awkwardly, not sure whether to be scared at your dad's threat or not, especially when he ended it without another word, turning and walking towards their car. 

I mean at least he spoke to him, right? That’s an improvement?

Either way, Shinsou quickly realized in reality the only opinion that mattered to him, was yours. 

oof having a good dad who cares about you? couldnt be me. also i absolutely hate this one and idk why, but shinsou’s my bby and i feel i disappointed him

---

🍗 Keigo Takami (Hawks):

The meeting was almost completely by chance. Keigo often took you on sky-high (not mile-high get your minds outta the gutters ppl) trips on his off days, and while flying one day, you saw your parents' house from the clouds. They hadn’t met Keigo yet, so you suggested that you pop in for a moment. He agreed, and in seconds, you were standing on their porch, hand raised high to ring the doorbell.

Your mother opened the door, surprised to see you, and even more surprised to see the bird standing behind you. Nevertheless she invited you both in, and as your father called Keigo over, your mother pulled you to one side, whispering quiet enough that the two men wouldn’t hear her. 

“The news says he’s a bit of a playboy.” You said.

“The news says a lot of things.” You rolled your eyes. 

“And his fans?” She asked.

“What about them?” You replied.

“Well,” she paused, “he can get a little friendly with them, don’t you think.”

You sighed. Your mother wasn’t the first person to bring up Keigo’s fans when discussing your relationship, but you knew that in reality, he couldn’t be bothered with the swarms of people throwing themselves at his feet when he had you waiting for him at home. 

“He’s a friendly person.” You shrugged.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Just say what you want to, mom.” You rounded on her, the heightened volume of your voice drawing Keigo’s attention from the other side of the room. “Say it. Go on.”

She glanced around, seeing both Keigo and your father now watching the two of you. 

“Fine.” You continued. “I know he has hundreds of fans who would kill to be in his bed at night. But you know what? He’s not there. He’s with me, watching crappy tv and binge eating kfc (CANNIBALISM). If you don’t like him, that’s your problem. But don’t try and convince me to do anything but love him, cause you’re not going to do it.”

Baffled, your mother stammered for a response, but you weren’t about to wait for one.

“C’mon Keigo,” you called, “we’re leaving.”

He was next to you in moments, and you grabbed his hand to pull him out of the house, stopping only when you were satisfied you were out of sight of your parents. 

“So, kid…” He looked across at you with a smirk, wrapping an arm around your waist as he lay his chin on your shoulder. “You love me?”

“Shut up bird brain.”

again i hate this but where my baby birds at?

[pomegranates-and-blood]

Headcannon: Shieldmaiden friend with his brothers

My Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Summary: “I was hoping I could request a headcanon of Ivar being nervous around a new shieldmaiden that is friends with his brothers? He finds her attractive, but that makes him nervous bc of his legs and what ppl have said all his life.”

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: My horrible attempts at whatever the fuck this ended up being, nothing else I can think of.

A/N: So yeah, I made a thing. Am I happy with the thing? Nope. Am I proud of the thing? Nopity nope. Am I gonna post it anyways and hope you guys don’t hate it? Yep.

But yeah, first time writing headcanons, first time diving head first into season 4 Ivar. I sincerely hope you like it, and idk, would love to hear your thoughts, good or bad, on this one. Thank you!

Taglist: @1950schick​​

·         You were one of the shieldmaidens to accompany Björn to the Mediterranean, and you grew close to both him and Hvitserk on the journey.

·         You joined the Great Heathen Army alongside your brother, and everyone was surprised to see Björn sprint towards you as soon as he saw your ship, lifting you off the ground in a tight embrace.

·         Although Sigurd isn’t too thrilled or interested in you, both Ubbe and Ivar are immediately drawn to you.

·         The former, because there’s rumors about how you once bested Björn when sparring with those curved swords.

·         The latter, for completely different reasons. Though, you being a great warrior does help.

·         With you being close to his brothers Ivar finds himself knowing more and more about you with every passing day, and in the midst of the war to avenge his father, with his heart heavy with pain and loss, he finds you, with your easy smiles and your friendly nature, a welcome distraction.

·         That’s what he calls it, at first. When he spends each chance he has watching you from afar, witnessing your interactions with the group of shieldmaidens you call sisters in arms; when he finds himself thinking of you late at night and early in the morning; when he realizes he misses you when you’re gone, even though he tells himself he has nothing to miss.

·         The realization that he actually feels something for you dawns on him when he sees some Dane warrior dancing with you on a feast after Aelle is conquered, and the urge to stake his claim, to go there and interrupt whatever it is that is happening before his eyes, fills him, makes an impulsive hand reach for the axe at his side.

·         Ivar is…well, Ivar, so there’s no way he’d willingly let you -or anyone else, for that matter- know that he’s interested in you.

·         Which he is. Very much so. Because, much to his growing frustration -in more ways than one- he can’t get you out of his head.

·         Still, that doesn’t mean he’d willingly disclose it. He isn’t subtle, though.

·         But people notice. His brothers notice.

·         Björn isn’t thrilled with it, but considering Aslaug isn’t alive to bend to Ivar’s will and have some poor girl forced into marriage with the youngest son of Ragnar, he isn’t too concerned. If something happens, it is because you choose it so, and that’s enough for him.

·         Ubbe bristles up. He knows bits and pieces of what happened with Margrethe, but he has been witness too many times of how Sigurd uses what happened with her against Ivar- something he swears one day will end in tragedy, thankfully nothing too difficult to contain or heal so far-; and he still feels responsible about setting up the whole thing. The last thing he wants is for it to happen again, with someone that is quickly becoming a close friend of him and his brothers.

·         And of course, Sigurd notices, and is cruelly delighted in it. He does try a couple of times teasing Ivar about it when you’re near, but you never stood for those kinds of games, so he was eventually discouraged from continuing.

·         Doesn’t stop him from privately tormenting Ivar about it. It is his duty as older brother after all, and since Ubbe is too busy mothering Ivar, and Hvitserk too busy trying to fuck his way through England, it falls unto him. He may go too far once or twice, but their relationship has always been that way.

·         Sigurd’s teasing only manages to put Ivar more and more on edge about these stupid -pathetic, useless, soft- feelings, and the few times you try getting close to him, he usually snaps at you or reacts badly.

·         Because you are very interested, even if you are much better at hiding it. Ivar proves to be incredibly smart, and with the march of the Great Heathen Army being the first time you’ve travelled this far from home, fought in so many important battles, you find yourself fascinated by him and the way he seems to understand what goes beyond fighting, what becomes war.

·         But, when you are try getting close to him with subtle flirting or soft touches, Ivar thinks you are pitying him or mocking him, and when you are more direct and try finding common ground to get to know each other, he thinks you’re pushing him away.

·         It confuses you, and frankly, it confuses him too.

·         It confuses everyone that has become an unwilling spectator to all of this.

·         Ivar does try his best at being nice to you, it just manages to backfire most of the time.

·         You could be sharing a meal with him and his brothers, and he’d try complimenting you, saying something about how you have proven to be a fine shieldmaiden. But feeling too many eyes on him, feeling like he left himself open for ridicule or rejection, he’d add something else, like how you are obviously aided by the fact you use weapons not familiar to Vikings.

·         He’d fuck most things up, is what I mean.

·         And he’d know -and you’d make it very much clear- that he has upset you, or made you angry.

·         He would try apologizing, but it is Ivar, so “I’m sorry” won’t leave his lips unless someone pries it off him, so, he’d try…alternative approaches.

·         First, gifts. Women like those, right? He’d try buying the prettiest, most expensive thing he can find, and leaving it for you to find. Or, if he is in a particularly good day -if he managed to get one up on Sigurd, maybe, that’d be a good day- he’d give it to you in person.

·         Throwing expensive things at you wouldn’t exactly work, making you feel inadequate and cheap. He notices, so he’d try something else.

·         He wants you closer, so he makes it so that you always sit with him and his brothers at the table where the leaders of the army dine.

·         Before long many men -including Harald, to whom Ivar notices you giving easier smiles than the rest, much to his horror- manage to sleaze their way to the chair at your other side, chatting with you during the nights, making you smile and laugh.

·         When word of how one of them tried talking your brother into a marriage arrangement reaches Ivar, he pulls back on his idea of having you sit with him.

·         To you, it just looks like a rejection, and Ivar notices you grow colder, more distant.

·         With the threat of how desired you have proven yourself to be, a beautiful woman and a fierce shieldmaiden, hanging over his head, Ivar grows more and more restless, and resolute he has to prove to you he can offer you much more than any of these men can.

·         He tries everything he can think of. Make it so that you are there when he beats his brothers in target practice, boast about how his strategy was what won them many a battle against the Saxons, repeat the tales about how he and his brothers are descended from the Gods themselves.

·         When Ivar makes the contraptions for his legs, he goes to find you with -barely contained, he shouldn’t even bother trying to hide it really- enthusiasm, trying to show off in front of you.

·         He ties a lot of his self-worth into how people perceive him, into how much of a ‘normal man’ he can pass off as, and as we know he stands a lot prouder and a lot more confident once he gains more control of the Great Army and manages to make those things.

·         When you see him, though, even though he is preening and standing tall, chin high and shoulders squared; all you do is look at the contraptions around his legs and back into his eyes.

·         “You’re a better fighter without those.” You’d say, and nothing else.

·         Ivar would sulk. There’s no way to impress you, nothing he can do to make you look at him with that mischievous streak you share with Hvitserk, or that companiable closeness you have with Björn.

·         Anger would quickly enough win over any impulse to sulk and feel sorry for himself, though.

·         He’d eventually grow colder, crueler, towards you. He’d feel like you rejected him, and being angry towards you -and in return making you be angry towards him- gives him someone to blame, gives him some way of letting the pain have form, have a target for all the mess of emotions it leaves inside him.

·         When Björn starts making plans to return to the Mediterranean, he fully expects to see you depart following his brother and never seeing you again.

·         He hates himself for grieving the loss of you, someone he never had, someone that -as far as he knows- never cared about him anyways.

·         But he does. The day when Björn and those who choose to come with him will depart East approaches, and Ivar is more on edge than ever.

·         Restless, angry, and with no one to blame but himself. But, of course, he won’t do that, no.

·         He taunts you, makes jabs at you and how you run after Björn like an enamored thrall, points out you choose to sail a ship like a coward instead of staying here -staying with him- and fighting the Saxons.

·         When you snap back, voice loud and eyes furious, that you were never planning on sailing back with Björn, you manage for once to stun Ivar into silence.

·         You don’t even give him time to hold on to cruelty, to the pain and anger he uses as both a weapon and a shield. You stand up from the table and leave the hall.

·         Hvitserk doesn’t lift his head from his food, but still grumbles that he should go after her. At Ivar’s affronted frown, Ubbe insists that he should, offering his little brother a sly smile and something about going to find his woman.

·         Ivar would deny to his very grave and beyond it that his ears turned red at the implication behind Ubbe’s words.

·         But he did, trying to dispel thoughts that told him how he was running after you like a lovesick puppy.

·         When he finds you, you are still angry, because of course you are. And your anger is to Ivar like an electric shock over an exposed nerve, drawing out all the vitriol and fury and explosiveness.

·         Before long he has managed to make you angrier than he has ever seen you, and your voices rise with your tempers.

·         A second time you manage to stun Ivar into silence comes shortly after the argument between the two erupts.

·         He doesn’t even remember what he was about to say, only that with a few words about how you chose to stay with the Great Army for him makes all the thoughts on his head disappear.

·         Before he can twist himself into knots about it, thinking how it must surely be a lie, how you are playing some cruel trick on him; you lean in and kiss him.

·         Ivar doesn’t know how to react, not at first. The only woman he has kissed before was a slave his brother instructed to sleep with him, and he refuses to think of that night, of that woman.

·         He stays frozen under your touch, until you pull back, and smile.

·         He realizes when lack of air makes your kiss end that in your eyes you don’t have that glint of playfulness you share with Hvitserk, or that comfortable understanding you have with Björn; but something more tender, more real, and definitely hungrier.

____

So yeah, that’s that. I have never written headcanons before, and I struggle a lot with season 4 Ivar (who am I kidding, I struggle with writing Ivar in general) even tho he is my favorite Ivar. Idk, I gave it my best, hopefully I can learn from this and get better at it lol

Thank you so much for reading, lovelies!! <3

[dastardlydandelion]

more rubber duck ‘verse

misc tidbits abt what i’ve dubbed the rubber duck ‘verse fic i won’t write bc i’m attached now.

under the cut bc it’s long. 

max’s residual anger toward susan is complicated. she’s angry that her mother ever got together with someone like neil, that she spent yrs growing up in fear and that she has to bear the impact of that by proxy of susan’s decision to marry neil. but she also loves her siblings v much and she wouldn’t have them if susan didn’t get together with neil, and that gives her all kinds of weird feelings. acknowledges her mother was also a victim in the situation, isn’t rly angry at how it ended with neil but nonetheless wishes the rest of them could’ve left sooner— and left without the bloodshed —bc she defo believes neil deserved what he got, but she doesn’t believe susan or the rest of them deserved the fallout. she didn’t rly want to spent a decade without her mother and helping a v unprepared billy raise a child. :( 

before neil’s slaying, at one point susan comes home whilst a babysitting billy’s stereo is blaring and she’s like?? ‘the heck?? ur gonna make the bby cry,’ >:( and billy’s all, ‘no, this is literally why it isn’t crying anymore,’ and shuts off the stereo to prove it. sure enough, ducky wakes up and promptly starts bawling. susan is speechless, totally mystified.

even long after neil’s slaying, when ducky’s living with her siblings in cali, she cannot sleep unless she blasts a lil metal before bedtime. it puts her at ease.

ducky looks more like neil than susan. has neil’s hair, neil’s eyes. gets the tall genes from both of them tho. grows tall v early on tbh, shoots up like a fucking weed. ends up around billy’s height even going from puberty blockers to hrt. ducky does not have susan’s proportionately long legs, she’s got more of a long torso.

speaking of susan’s legs for days, uh. part of the emotional abuse on neil’s end was constantly degrading and nitpicking her appearance to the point that susan felt like a hideous blob. while she’s in prison she genuinely doesn’t notice when other inmates fight over her. even when one fight gets so bad the shivs come out and one lady gives the other a buck fifty to the face, susan is completely oblivious that she’s what’s being fought over.  

ducky doesn’t just collect rubber ducks, she kinda waddles like a duck too, is the exact opposite of athletic. max tries to teach her to skateboard on numerous occasions, all of which end in scrapes and bruises, a grand total of three prompting visits to the emergency room. billy tries to play basketball with ducky and the poor thing can’t get the ball in the hoop even once. he also accidentally knocks her out when she fails to catch his pass and the ball hits her so hard in the face that when she drops, billy swears he sees the lil’ cartoon birds flying around her head.

ducky is v good at building things tho. has an affinity for super complicated lego projects. makes a hammerhead shark for billy’s 30th bday and it’s literally life-size.

max sticks around even after she’s eighteen both to help billy with ducky and bc, like. yk. it’s a modern au. equipped with the modern cost of living in cali. neil’s life insurance only went so far. max saves more staying at home, goes to community college and works in the cafeteria on campus. it takes her awhile to graduate bc she changes her major several times, but by the time susan’s out, she has her degree…and finds herself working a menial job in a skate shop anyway. yk how it goes tho, lotta competition out there and sadly community college degrees are often undervalued. max likes the skate shop tho. quickly rises from an associate to managerial position bc she’s v good at setting the customers up with the right boards.

susan’s return is p awkward for everyone, to say the least. at this point max has worked thru most of that residual, complex anger, and she and susan have written each other letters over the yrs where the reality of the household was addressed v frankly and she didn’t hold back expressing those feelings at all. nonetheless, some traces of anger still remain and while she’s glad to have her mom back, susan too is adjusting to life outside in an entirely different state and she’s not quite the person max remembers.

susan actually has a lot of trouble coping with freedom. even before being incarcerated, she lived according to neil’s rules and demands. being completely and utterly in charge of herself is a struggle to adapt to. sometimes she asks billy and max permission for small, odd things neither of them would ever care abt and it just. makes max. so, so sad.

billy is often ??? when it comes to susan. tbvh he’s grateful she killed neil and that fucks with his head a lil. bc neil was his parent and yes, he did love him. he hates that he loved him, but he did. and he wonders if that love is why he didn’t kill neil himself, bc he 100% thought abt it. he also has no idea if susan regrets it or not, has no clue whatever her various apologies over the yrs were for. killing neil, being promoted to parent against his will, or for errything that came even before the night of the slaying. susan turning away, shutting her eyes to his bruises. 

also at first billy’s unsure if susan thinks she’s going to be head of household upon her return. since she’s like, the oldest and natal mother of max n ducky. this defo reveals itself to be an untrue concern in every way, quite the opposite. susan can barely comprehend freedom, let alone being in charge. some days susan dead ass asks billy permission to leave the dinner table even if she’s the one who cooked dinner.

ducky is also ??? when it comes to susan for v different reasons. she’s known the exact circumstances of susan’s incarceration since she was seven. before that, billy and max would be vague abt what she was locked up for and they never rly talked abt neil much beyond, ‘ur better off without him, he sucked big time.’

max is the one who eventually goes into graphic detail with ducky abt the whole thing bc she remembers that night and what happened before susan got home. how she had to step in bc she was fucking terrified neil was going to literally kill baby ducky. how she actually hit neil for the v first time even tho she’d wanted to many, many times. how she hit and kept hitting him, pummeling her fists against his body until he put ducky down. but once he did, that meant it was his turn. and ofc, neil hit much harder. max vividly recalls how badly her eye throbbed, swollen shut for two days. her nose wasn’t broken but it bled a whole lot, over her lips, into her mouth, down her chin, and the taste of blood lingered awfully.

ducky is naturally disturbed by the whole thing but her feelings toward susan aren’t as complicated as max’s or even billy’s for that matter. she doesn’t remember neil at all. and while she’s also written and received letters from susan, as well as the illicitly ordered rubber ducks, and she knows in a distant way susan is her mother, it doesn’t actually *feel* like she is. it feels more like susan is a kind of…special penpal, tbh. billy remains the person ducky goes to for parental guidance.

ducky still wants to get closer to susan tho. when the time comes for her to legally change her name, she asks susan to write a list of names she would’ve considered had she been afab, and goes on to choose one from the list.

even before she came out tho, ducky was p much called by her nickname at home anyway. both billy and max knew neil had picked her (dead)name out and neither of them rly wanted to acknowledge that. neither of them rly wanted to deal with the remaining traces of neil in their lives any more than they had to, any more than they already grappled with.

ducky has quite the degree of success getting susan into legos. this surprises both max and billy. but in prison susan would do crafts whenever available and she enjoyed stacking cups and stuff during rec time, so it’s not hard to translate these hobbies into legos. they build p neat things together sometimes— however, the hammerhead is all ducky, come billy’s birthday. she wanted to do that specially for her big bro, all by herself.

now, susan’s birthday present to billy is a big ass breakdown after midnight. lots of snotty sobbing. she hugs him so hard she’s hurting him a lil tbh and just apologizes profusely for errything and thanks him for taking care of her kids even tho he shouldn’t have had to. billy thanks susan too— it takes a min for her to figure out what for. bc they don’t talk abt that. no one’s mentioned that since she’s been out.

susan just nods a lil bit and lets go. they eat some more cake. life goes on. everything gets less awkward in time. susan stops asking for permission to move freely. ducky keeps filling up the shelves with rubber ducks of every variety, and dnd becomes another one of her interests in middle school, a hobby max nostalgically revisits with her. billy’s returned to surfing recreationally. swims a lot, finds it soothing and it helps keep him in shape. is a good low-impact workout to balance the weightlifting he still defo does, stereo blaring. 

getting a job for convicted felons is difficult but eventually susan finds work on a commercial goat farm. she learns to herd goats and takes them out to areas where there are invasive grasses or dry brush particularly vulnerable to wildfire. the goats graze on the invasive vegetation and the dry brush, which helps prevent wildfires. no, i’m srs, this is an actual thing. she likes the goats a lot. they’re easier to talk to than ppl, sometimes.