#i hate living in a rural area i hate having a 45 minute commute i hate being nearly 2 hours away from all my family

[suchaspookyginger]

i spilled all my coffee within the first two minutes of driving because i had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting a deer :(

[pixiedoodlein]

10 days until school and I’m no more decided than I was a week ago. I flip flop ten times day about what might be best. A is sick of hearing me talk about it. He doesn’t disagree with my risk assessment but he is sick of talking about it.

It caused an issue with his friend, a friend who is his best friend and is unvaccinated and works in a jail. Months ago we told friend he could only visit (this place is their boyhood dream) once he’s vaccinated. Friend typically believes in science and is very health conscious but his gf is a moron Trump lover and her family the same and that’s who he’s been spending all his time with since this all started. When I asked friend why he’s not vaccinated he said he’s young & healthy, didn’t trust the vaccines, would do it when they got full fda approval. Plenty of young healthy people are dead of this. Anyway then I asked ok so what if you give it to someone who isn’t and dies, people incarcerated in the jail he works in and don’t have the luxury of social distancing, and he was like eh whatever. So yes friend is an asshole, but his best friend for decades, friend has always been kind of an asshole but has many redeeming qualities too. So we said no visit. But then in July when there was no covid here and no covid where he lives and we were blissfully living our covid free lives we loosened up and said he could visit with two negative tests. But then covid got bad again and when asshole friend contacted A the other day to say he took time off in late Sept to visit, A said sorry, it’s fully fda approved now you have no excuses not to vaccinate, we’re worried about our unvaccinated kids, and as of now you can’t visit but hey maybe if you get vaccinated and the numbers look better we can reassess in a month and you can come. Friend was a total dick about it, didn’t understand our point of view at all, stressed A about it, who was in a bad mood about it for days afterward.

Then there’s the neighbors. I had a chat with the kids and a chat with the mom. I framed it as we love them so much and I know they’re careful but I think we should all be more careful while the numbers are so rising (aka only outdoor hangouts) and we are careful but I’ve heard terrifying stories from doctor friends about kids and babies getting very sick, and they have a baby who I don’t want us to make sick, and she said she agreed. The kids have been pretty good about making the adjustment from constant sleepovers to playing outside but M keeps asking me “the kids need to pee are they allowed to use the bathroom, the kids are hungry are they allowed to come inside even for one minute for a snack,” and I feel like the villain (I’ve been saying yes to pee, snacks I’ll bring out). Everyone’s been understanding but nobody is getting what I mean when I say only outdoor socializing. All the kids keep asking me when I’ll take them to town again for ice cream, “but it’s outside” (um yeah but the car’s not), asking their mom to ask me for sleepovers even though they know what the answer will be. The other day they were playing in our yard then it started raining and they were like “we can’t walk home in the rain”- I don’t want them to walk home in the rain, but again the car is indoors!- so I drove them home (but made M stay at our house). They’re not my kids so I can’t make them wear masks and it feels like now I am in the position of being the mean parent who’s psycho about covid, which in a way I am, but it would help me to stick to my guns and feel okay about sticking to them if the government policies matched the severity of the situation, ie mask mandates in public places (instead of stores posting polite recommendations), vaccine mandates, virtual learning options, etc.

Which brings me to school. After selling M hard on real school, then I sold her hard on home school. She already “did” 3rd grade last year (as much as me teaching her in my pajamas counts as doing), but this district has an earlier cut off than the city, so she’s in 3rd grade again here. Which is fine by me- her birthday is the same day as the very late nyc cut off (12/31) and I hated that she was the absolute youngest. I used to beg the school to hold her back and they’d say “but why she’s doing so well!” not understanding that I was thinking ahead to the teen years. But anyway, despite her haphazard pj’d professor, she seemed to learn a lot last year so homeschool this year could basically be unschool. She’d traipse around the forest identifying birds and trees with A and her brother, reading for pleasure, and I’d spend an hour here and there reviewing some worksheets with her so she’d be on track when she starts real school after she gets vaccinated. She was into the idea, until she found out she and one of the neighbor kids are in the same class. Now she absolutely wants to go to real school, AND ride the school bus. The school bus part makes me very nervous. While there is now a school mask mandate (but will it be enforced? what are their lunch procedures, what % of teachers are vaccinated, what % of the older kids in the same building as the little kids are vaccinated, did they actually really update their ventilation system?) and a bus mask rule, it’s a long rural route (15 min drive or 45 min bus) and I have no faith that bus windows will be open and all riders will be masked the whole time.

So just tell her she can go to school but has to be driven by a parent, right? Not so simple. I was offered a job at a (somewhat, commuting distance) nearby nonprofit- an easy low stress job in a bastion of liberalism with very very nice smart coworkers, excellent work life balance, a writing job that sounds made for me, like the job description is exactly what I would put together if I were putting together my dream job (except the pay, which is half what I was making at a fancy DC nonprofit, but high for this area, and our housing cost is half so it should be fine if A can get away from little guy long enough to bring in some money too). It’s mostly remote but approx one day a week in the office and some days there will be things I need to attend out in the community (not necessarily our community, they serve the whole region). It won’t always be the same day in the office and the office is an hour away- so on those days A would have no car to get her to and from school, since I’d need to leave before school starts and get home after it’s done. So I guess we need to buy a new car? Aside from this issue we really don’t need a second car now, were planning to get one eventually, but not until A’s business has enough projects to justify the cost.

Despite its many demands/challenges/ stressors, home school is sounding easier to me at this point (especially because she already did this grade), except she WANTS to go to school. Someone talk me out of putting some lipstick and a pantsuit on her and taking her to get vaccinated. I know, I know: the 5-11 dosage is 1/3 of the 12-adult dosage. The doctors I’ve spoken to are split on this hypothetical kamikaze mission. The doctors I’ve spoken to are also split on me and A going to a pharmacy now for booster. It’s been almost 6 months since our 2nd dose. We do not have compromised immune systems. This county has way more doses than demand and I would feel better sending M to school (bus or not) if we had our boosters and she had a first dose- moral and scientific quandaries aside- because there is A LOT of covid here now, a lot of covid everywhere now, and I feel like we are returning to regular life at the time when we should be most hunkered down.

Which brings me to the data. Per capita there are as many known cases here as in nyc, except nyc has a 50% higher vax rate, much more mask usage, better medical system. People are not getting enough tests here, there is a higher positivity rate, and so I think the actual number of cases is much higher than the reported number of cases. It seems like, friends here and in the city and in the suburbs (I just broke up with a friend in the suburbs because she professes to be a good democrat but is hosting a bonafide super spreader event and vacationing in a place with 39% positivity and a collapsed health care system), are thinking of covid as something you catch from strangers- they wear masks in stores- but aren’t careful at all around close friends and family (so many extended family gatherings, so many, cousins and grandparents and half-siblings and aunts and uncles and whoever), when this is a disease that kills via the people you love most, the ones who’d never intentionally hurt you.

[skittles1229]

Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They  knew me better then i know myself. 

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time. 

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't.  Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald. 

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly  as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

          He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing  out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters. 

     i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet  trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me  hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

     ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night. 

     i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy  cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way. 

     before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

[succliberation]

This is completely ignoring the needs of people who live in smaller cities that border on bigger cities who commute into work to save on living costs. If they can't take their cars into the bigger city or through the smaller city because they're for busses only, you've fucked over a significant demographic UNLESS they're somewhere that already has good bus lines. The only bus lines in my area were dogshit if weren't just going to and from the local community college. For my dad, there was an option to take the train instead of using his car to get to work (depending on traffic, his commute was 60-90 minutes by car). Train took 2 hours if there were no delays, and the cost per year would have been more than just putting gas in his car. He also had to make the train on time every day, which would involve getting up at least 45 mins earlier than his normal schedule, and he would still end up getting home later.

I'm also not sure why "it's inconvenient to drive a car at 6 AM" is an excuse, when it's also inconvenient to take packed/dirty public transport at 6 AM, and you have even less control over when you need to leave your house. And you have to take an inconvenient walk to get to the public transport stop. And unless your destination is right on a main bus line at the right time, you're taking a second inconvenient walk once you arrive.

I love driving, and I've hated every single second I've ever had to spend on public transport. It's always gross and full of loud people, and takes twice as long to get anywhere as it would in a car. Its the very definition of inconvenient and uncomfortable.

The only exception to all these downsides would be places that are so stupidly clogged full of traffic that driving is 'worse' (I would take being in traffic to public transport any day, but whatever), which is a vast minority of the American landscape. I mean, sure, maybe it'll help in LA and New York and maybe in a few state capitols, but small towns with huge rural expanses between destinations are never going to be able to get anything like this running. It wasn't even convenient for my dad, who commuted regularly through city traffic before covid, and where we lived was surrounded by larger cities that could support the public transport infrastructure. Most of America is never going to make this happen, especially now that remote work is catching on, and the daily commute is going to get phased out more and more.

The thing about car-dependency is that… it sucks for people without a car. Big news, right. But, it’s not like that incentive curve is something we can just ignore. When our desire or ability to leave our house at all is conditional on being in a car, that affects all of our behaviour on every level.

Kids are the prototypical ‘person without a car’, and in a car-dependent area, they become dependent on their parents. In a normal, walkable city or suburb, children walk on their own to school, they cycle, they take the bus. Instead of needing to get parental approval - and enough enthusiasm to dedicate the time - to be shuttled around to any given activity, children walk to the park, or to a friend’s house. Even in rural areas, with the infrastructure, children will cycle to school. In a car-dependent suburb, a child is trapped in a single-family McMansion on the edge of town, forced to beg their parents to be able to go anywhere, always under supervision - is it any wonder they’d rather stay inside?

Even in a city, if it’s car-dependent, this is still an issue. When the roads are 100-decibel, 6-lane monstrosities, with cyclists expected to intermingle with traffic, and the busses stuck in the exact same jam, kids aren’t going to be able to get anywhere, assuming their parents even let them cross the street. This isn’t just about proximity, it’s fundamentally related to safety. Car-dependent places are a lot more dangerous to be in, on account of all the cars, so parents feel it’s safer for their kid to be in one of those cars. To boot, when everyone’s in a car, there are less people around, less people who can notice someone in trouble, less people who can help. When places are built with the assumption that everyone will have a car, they become places for cars, which humans can stupidly venture into.

This doesn’t just apply to children. We are all, at some point or another, a ‘person without a car’ - in fact, we’re a ‘person without a car’ most of the time, until we get into one. A lot of people would prefer to remain that way; driving a car is stressful, it takes a lot of effort and concentration, and not everyone likes it at 6AM. But, when your environment is built with the assumption you’re inside a soundproof, crash-proof metal box, that becomes a requirement. The second you’re outside of those conditions, scurrying across deafening, hot tarmac, and dodging heavy-duty pickup trucks (carrying solely one guy and his starbucks order), of course you’d decide that not being in a car sucks. But, the thing is, it’s designing for cars that made it suck, even for the car-drivers.

A place designed for cars, a place that people cannot walk, or cycle, or take public transit through, is a place full of cars - you are not stuck in traffic, you are traffic. Studies have shown that the average speed of car traffic, over sufficient time, is completely unrelated to the thoroughfare of roads. Eventually, because of induced demand, the new seven-lane arterial road will have exactly the same congestion as the two-lane it replaced. The one factor that sharply determines how slow road traffic gets is, listen to this, the speed of non-car travel. It is solely when alternatives become faster that people stop driving and free up traffic. Shutting down main street, only allowing buses through, would drastically increase the speed of the rest of the road network - because each of those buses is 40 cars not in traffic. If you like driving, you should want as many people as possible who don’t want to drive to stop doing it - and whoever you are, you should want to be able to travel without depending on cars.

When I was in the biggest depressive slump of my life, and I could barely get out of bed, I still went shopping for food nearly every day, and even traveled to visit my partner. The supermarket was 10 meters out the door of my apartment, and I could walk five minutes to either train station if I had to. It was peaceful and quiet outside. My disabled mother doesn’t like living in cities, but she loves public transit, and will always take a train ride over a long, tiring car journey - and when every store doesn’t need a parking lot twice as big as itself, whatever walking she does have to do is over a much shorter distance. When I’ve had to call an ambulance in a ‘car-hostile’ place, it has arrived inconceivably faster, on those clear roads, than when sitting in the traffic of the highway-lined carpark that makes up so many cities.

Car dependency sucks for everyone, including car drivers, but it sucks the worst for people already suffering. It strips you of independence, and forces you into a box you might not fit in - and I haven’t even touched on pollution. Car-dependency makes cities and suburbs into dangerous, stressful places, devoid of everyone except the most desperate. The only people it benefits are, really, the CEOs of car companies.

[duaneodavila]

A Day In The Life Of A Morgan Stanley First-Year Analyst Who Cries Alone In Elevators And Fantasizes Every Day About Running Away

Do you like in-depth looks at the real lives of totally real finance professionals? Of course you do!

Ichabod Munch is a busy young man indeed.

The Morgan Stanley first-year M&A analyst is fresh out of one of those small New England liberal arts colleges, and trying to make it on the bright lights of Wall Street. He previously interned at Credit Suisse where he was told to never speak of what he saw there, and has for some reason never thought about jobs outside the finance sector.

He recently shared a usual day in his life with Dealbreaker…for some reason.

Ichabod wakes up at 3 am most days.

He meets consciousness gripped in the cold panic of existential dread, realizing that he just fell asleep 45 minutes ago and will soon be working another 18 hour day.

“I don’t always beg for death in the pre-dawn darkness,” he said. “But it’s not outside the realm of my morning routine.”

At 5 am, Ichabod stumbles out into the streets of his Manhattan neighborhood, Murray Hill. 

Holding a hot bagel and somehow already stale coffee outside his corner deli, Ichabod squints into the streetlights at the corner of 35th St. and 1st Ave.

“It’s a neighborhood full of real assholes,” brags Ichabod. “I really think the people here are devoid of basic humanity. Have you been to Tonic on a Sunday afternoon?” The bagel goes into his weathered Under Armour backpack. Ichabod has lost all pleasure in the act of eating.

At 5:30 am, Ichabod starts his commute.

He often pauses at the entrance of the uptown 6 train to make sure that the subway is not flooded or on fire, as he needs to make 2 transfers to go roughly 20 blocks.

“I grew up in a small devout Methodist enclave in rural New Hampshire,” said Ichabod. “The New York City subway terrifies me. But it’s almost never really working so I often walk up and over through Times Square. That way I get to see the worst of humanity bathed in the light of dawn.”

Ichabod often arrives at work around 6:15 am. 

Ichabod lives in constant fear that his group might ever see he’s not in the office when they are, so he gets in early.

At his cubicle, with no one around, he sometimes checks his Bumble account. He never has messages.

At 7 am, Ichabod starts getting emails. 

Early in the day, most of his correspondence is from associates asking about all the growth models he is working on, wondering why they’re not done yet and asking him if he is a “fucking donkey.”

“These guys love to kid around,” Ichabod said, his eyes moist and his voice quivering beneath a forced smile. “They love the salty talk.”

Around 9 am, his group meets for a meeting. 

With his group VP presiding, Ichabod sits off to the side and no one looks at him. According to Ichabod, “It’s cool to be in the room!” He said it as a chunk of soggy melon hit him right in the ear. Everyone laughed.

The VP made him leave to clean up. Upon returning, the conference room door has been locked and Ichabod goes back to his desk to “get some things done” as three associates smile and give him the finger through the glass wall.

“Just a regular day,” Ichabod said with a heartbreaking grin.

1 pm is Ichabod’s lunchtime. 

He often goes on down to one of the mega-delis with “Metro” in the name to order a disappointing $11 turkey sandwich and two Powerades.

“The cafeteria is a little stressful for me,” Ichabod explained. “Plus, I like to get out and get some fresh air, it’s nice to–” We can’t hear what Ichabod said next because there was a man in a dirty knockoff Elmo costume right behind him screaming racial epithets at a family of Belgian tourists.

Back at his desk, Ichabod loses track of the hours.

The concept of time is relative to Ichabod most days. His mind and body are really at their natural limits and he would say something if he thought that anyone truly cared.

He screws up on an overdue model and is told that he really is “a fucking donkey.”

At 7 pm, Ichabod sneaks off to the gym. 

Ichabod can usually squeeze in 45 minutes on the elliptical. If he has the emotional energy, he watches “Jeopardy” on the tiny screen on his machine.

“My college roommate and I used to meet here for workouts,” Ichabod said. “But he got a job with some tech startup and moved to Oakland. Sometimes he FaceTimes me from a beach just to catch up…I fucking hate it.”

Back at the office, Ichabod orders dinner on Seamless at around 9 pm.

“I get Pad Thai or Pho a lot because everyone else does,” Ichabod said. “I hate them both, but I eat them anyway. I need to fit in…and survive.”

At around 10:30 pm, Ichabod heads home.

He does a lot of his crying during the elevator ride to the lobby. “I don’t want my roommate to see that I’ve been sobbing,” he explained. “He got fired from Deutsche Bank like a month ago and now he claims that he’s doing stand-up. He’s always home. I’m worried his parents will find out. I can’t afford my terible apartment on my own.”

Once Ichabod walks into his narrow front door and past his rooommates bike taking up the narrow entryway, the two sit far apart on their couch and watch TV until Ichabod’s roommate, Doug, says that he has “a set” and leaves.

1 am and it’s time for sleep.

In his small bedroom with the blackout curtains drawn, Ichabod contemplates getting out his laptop to watch porn, but instinctually knows that he has neither the energy nor the optimism for such activity. Instead, he lies there in the darkness staring at the mysterious stain on the ceiling, thinking about his college roommate out in the Bay Area and what a terrible asshole he has become.

He falls asleep with bitterness and inchoate rage churning in his stomach.

A Day In The Life Of A Morgan Stanley First-Year Analyst Who Cries Alone In Elevators And Fantasizes Every Day About Running Away republished via Above the Law

[movingstoriesla]

17. Tamar C.

Meet Tamar, who works in Westwood and lives in Culver City with her husband and two cats. She spent her childhood between the Los Angeles suburbs and rural Kentucky.

In Los Angeles, I walked everywhere. I walked myself to school and it was about a mile from our apartment. I walked my little brother and my little sister. My little sister was in kindergarten and my brother was in first grade. It was just the three of us and I walked the three of us to elementary school every day. I did the same thing in Chino. LA was really about a lot of walking for me in elementary school.

In Kentucky, it was a lot of driving. Getting to and from school, it was by bus because we were out in the country. I'd be waiting at the end of our gravel driveway for the bus. Rain or shine, it didn't matter what the weather was. You had to be out there or the bus would just leave you and then you'd be in really big trouble because you missed school because my parents were already going to work. If I missed the bus, I'd miss school and then I'd really be in trouble [laughs] And because it was rural, there weren't any sidewalks in the countryside. Everywhere we went was a long drive. My dad really loved that, though. He loved long drives through the countryside, on back country roads. He really hated the freeways in LA, so it was something he really enjoyed.

But I can't say that I did. It made me carsick sitting in the back. In California, my mother and my stepfather were both really heavy smokers and they loved to go on these long Sunday drives. Like, we would drive from Burbank all the way to Santa Barbara, just to get donuts [laughs] It was our Sunday thing, our Sunday drive. It was really an old way of thinking about driving. So we'd drive all day and the windows would be up and they'd both be smoking very heavily and I didn't enjoy that.

And long and winding country roads are little carsick-inducing. I didn't really enjoy getting around by car. The times I enjoyed it the most were the summers in Kentucky, when my oldest brother had a pick-up truck – I'm really really dating myself here -- back then in the 1980s. All the kids got in the back of the pick-up truck and we would drive down to the lake. I loved being unbelted and no roof and air in my hair, slapping me in the face until it was a rat's nest [laughs]

I think it's so interesting that you walked so much as a kid in Burbank and Chino, which people consider very suburban.

Yea, they are suburban. And in the 80s, they were especially suburban but I also had a different childhood. I don't know if the world is really all that different, I think parenting was a lot different. My parents were like, “You're responsible, be responsible.” I was like, “Okay.” [laughs] So I acted accordingly. I have such an enormous family that I actually really liked walking to and from school because it gave me a little alone time and privacy. Even when I was walking with my brother and sister, they were behind me and I could just kind of zone out and my imagination would just go wild on the walk. It was nice.

How did you decide to walk? Or rather, was it the easiest choice?

It was the only choice. I suppose my mom could've driven me but parents didn't do that in the 80s. If you could walk, then get your ass out there and walk. I don't know anybody whose parent did that unless they were an unwalkable distance from the school. Both of my schools had buses for those kids but I was within the radius that could manage the walk. My mom was just like, “Here's how you get to school. Now do it. And by the way, your brother and sister better make it too. Don't leave them behind.” [laughs] It was a little bit crazy when I think about it now because there I was, 11 years old, and I had a six-year-old and a five-year-old in tow. That would never happen today.

After high school, Tamar enlisted in the U.S. Navy. She went to Palmdale, CA; Orlando, FL; and Great Lakes, IL to train as a diesel mechanic before getting assigned to San Diego, where she would live for nine years.

Do you remember how you got around San Diego?

Yea, I had a car. My first husband and I were a one-car family out of necessity. You don't get paid much in the military. We were just a smidge over the poverty line. He was in the Navy also and just barely over the poverty line. Having two cars was not an option for us but it made sense anyway because once he finally got stationed in San Diego, they put him on a ship and took me off of mine. His ship went out to sea frequently, so it didn't make sense to have two cars because he was gone a lot.

It was totally fine. And when my current husband and I got together, we had two cars for less than a year before I sold my car and we went down to a one-car family here in LA. As an adult, I don't really have an experience being in a house with more than one car for very long.

In 2002, Tamar moved to LA with her husband. They lived near Westwood Village, and she went to graduate school in Long Beach while working in Westwood.

How did you get around LA at this time?

When my husband was looking for his condo, he told his real estate agent he had two rules: to be close to Trader Joe's and to be able to take the bus to UCLA, preferably only one bus. That was a really smart choice on his part. I worked at UCLA after I finished undergrad, I got a job working on south campus in administration and started graduate school down in Long Beach. Since we were had just the one car, it worked out really well that we could both get to and from UCLA without a car and I could take the car down to Long Beach for school.

How did you guys decide on one car?

Parking in LA [laughs] Both of our cars were paid for, so there was no financial impetus. Well, I guess it is financial because you get enough parking tickets on street sweeping day and suddenly, you start to rethink whether or not you need that car. We had these discussions about, like, if I'm not using it so much so that I leave it and forget to move it and it gets a parking ticket for street sweeping, then maybe I don't need it at all because I haven't really been using it. It just seemed like a no-brainer to downgrade to a single car because we only had one parking space at the condo. It just made sense.

What was it like driving to and from Long Beach?

Well, not great. Luckily, I met one of my very best friends in the program and she happened to live in Brentwood and so, we carpooled together. I was really lucky because I think within a week of commuting, I was like, “This sucks!” After one of my seminars, I just said, “Hey, anyone else drive down here from LA?” My friend was like, “I live in Brentwood. Where do you live?” and that was it. We took turns driving down and shared a parking permit.

What sucked about driving down to Long Beach?

The traffic, definitely. I think it's much worse now than it was then. I was in grad school in 2003 to 2007, but it was still traffic-y. I think the only thing that made it fun was that I was carpooling: the fact that I wasn't by myself, we talked about our research, our course work, fashion, food, and all kinds of other things. So instead of being alone, exhausted, frustrated on the 405, I got to develop this wonderful friendship with my colleague.  By the time grad school was over we were best friends and still have a deep connection.

I think especially in LA, Angelenos think in terms of “Oh my god, we should get married because you drove me to the airport or you picked me up from LAX.” Braving traffic in LA for someone is a big deal!

Tamar and her husband later moved to Culver City, and she worked as an independent tutor after finishing her master's degree.

What were the other houses that you were looking at? Were they in the same area?

Outside of what kind of house we wanted, we stuck to the westside because we wanted to stay close to campus. Going north was not an option in our budget on the westside, so we had to go south. But we didn’t want to go further than the 90 FWY -- and you just can't get much closer to that than we are right now -- mainly because of our commute time. For this move, my husband had the same criteria as he had before, he had to be able to take the bus to work at UCLA. That criteria was all his doing, because at the time I was an independent tutor, which meant I was driving all over the Westside from the Palisades to Malibu back to Brentwood. That was my daily grind, which left my husband with having to rely on the bus.

When we saw our house I just knew it was the one. I just fell love with it. And he was eventually won over by the fact that it was a less than 10-minute walk to a Rapid [i.e. an express bus] that he could take directly to campus. So that was really nice, not to have to take more than one bus, but also be able to catch a Rapid. He didn't like that it wasn't near a Trader Joe's, but Trader Joe's was on the Rapid route, so was something we could also work with.

How long did you do the tutoring?

I did it for seven years and it was a lot of driving. Because typically, I'd only spend about an hour with a student and then I'd have half an hour driving between students’ homes by the time you get to the car and you get to where you're going. I got to know that part of the westside really, really well: shortcuts, when to take Chautauqua and when not to, things like that. Driving was actually a sense of calm. It was calming experience for me during that time. It was such a high-stress job that being in my car, I would often listen to- I should tell you that I'm a historian and so it's not that random really -  but I would listen to medieval choral music. I couldn't sing along with it, but it was just so soothing and calming to me.

What's your commute now? What's the rapid bus that you guys take?

We take the Culver City #6 bus from the corner of Sawtelle and Sepulveda, and it takes about 45 minutes roughly give or take, to get to UCLA. It's almost exactly what it took when we used to have a car. Door to door, it's almost exactly the same because if we drove, we'd have to park in UCLA’s far-flung parking structures, then walk to our office. But the bus lets you off much closer, right in the middle of campus. When we get off the bus, it's a quick walk to our office. It was a pretty easy trade-off.

And then when did you guys decide to go from one car to car-free?

I had a mini-midlife crisis. My dad died when I was 40. After my dad died, I was just experiencing a lot of anxiety and it was manifesting mostly when I drove. I don't really know why. I have never, ever been afraid to drive. I am a really good driver, a pretty safe driver but not a granny either. But for whatever reason, it was manifesting when I drove and not always when I drove, just in really specific situations. So that prompted me just to think about: what if I didn't drive? What if I just took a break? I wasn't even thinking of giving it up, but this anxiety planted the seed, and then my husband and I started just doing less driving.

Was a deliberate thing to try not driving as much?

Just a little. I don't even think I said it like that to him. He was like, “Want to go to the store?” and I was just like, “Yea, care to take a walk?” When we started dating, one of the things that we did as dates was we took long walks in San Diego and that would be our date. For us, going for long walks is been an intrinsic part of our relationship, so I didn't seem weird to say, “Want to walk there?”

Then, I mentioned “no car” to him and he was like, “No. I would love to but you can't live in LA and not have a car” and I was like, “I know! It sounds crazy, but what if we just did?”

I said, “Okay, before we leave for Norway [for vacation], what if on the weekends, we just do our grocery shopping on foot? Sprouts is a 15, 20-minute walk from our house. What if we just see what that's like?” and he was like, “Okay.” And it happened that two weeks later, I found a little granny pushcart at a thrift shop for 15 bucks. We started walking to the grocery and we were like, “This is pretty easy. Why were we driving to the store? This is great!” And then I was like, “What if we just do no-car on the weekends until we leave for Norway?” so we started running other errands on foot.

And then while we were in Norway- public transit in Scandinavia is remarkable. Well, most of Western Europe is. While we were there, we were just like, “We're so much nicer to each other when we're on vacation. Is it because we're on vacation or is it because we don't have to be in the car? It is because neither of us has to drive?” Because we see public transit as a team effort, not like “you missed a parking spot!” or “why didn't you turn in there?!” Instead, we have this team approach to public transit.

We came back from Norway and I found myself really angry that I had to get back in the car. I was angry that if I had to take the car somewhere, whereas I found myself having this Pavlovian response to taking the bus in LA. I tried to meet a girlfriend for lunch, she works over by Bundy and Olympic, which is a tough place to get to from my house. I have to take multiple buses, it takes about two hours. It was super hot, I missed my bus. I should have been miserable because it was inconvenient. But I wasn’t and that gave me pause. I was like, “Why am I not angry I just missed the bus? It's a million degrees, I hate this heat. Why am I not lamenting not having a car right now?” Because we still had the car, but I was choosing not to use it. Experiences like that should have made me give up on being car-free. Instead, they caused me to think about my own motives behind my transportation choices.

I realized that over the years, our travel in Europe had developed this response in me: public transit feels like vacation. I don't have to be anywhere in a hurry. I know my route and I've planned for things to go wrong and in the meantime, I can space out and look at this little five-year-old next to me singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” on the bus or whatever [laughs]. I could enjoy myself. After realizing that, it became really easy. We came back from Norway and did 30 days with no car, we just parked it in the garage and said, “Let's see if we can go 30 days.” Within two weeks, my husband came home one day and he goes, “Let's just sell it” and I was like [breathes a sigh of relief]. After that, we just couldn't get rid of it fast enough. It felt liberating, really really liberating, and it still does. I still feel liberated from a lot of things not having it.

How long of you been car-free?

2 and a half years.

So it coincides with going zero-waste. [Editor's note: Tamar and I met through a local zero-waste group.]

It does! They were connected to each other because my midlife crisis. I had a lot of “search for meaning” in my life during that time, that's normal. But, how you find your meaning and how that meaning manifests is going to happen in different ways for different people. Around this time, one of my nieces posted something on Facebook about sea life being strangled by plastic and she's wrote something like, “What are we doing?” When I read that, I was like, “What am I doing?” I felt responsible to my niece, to the next generation. That garnered my interest in learning about zero-waste. Being car-free just really cemented it because suddenly you’re looking at trash everywhere. You can't ignore it because you're not in this little steel-and-glass bubble with your iPod on anymore. I'm walking a couple of miles a day and I just see it everywhere. I found car-free first and then very quickly zero-waste. They just worked really well together.

So once the car was gone and it was really no longer an option, what was that like? You already have a bus commute, you're already walking to the grocery store, was there anything else?

No, I guess there were just a couple of other things. We both have bicycles and we ride them a lot recreationally. We don't use them for transportation. I suppose you could call it transportation: we do go to the farmers market and do our grocery shopping there on Saturdays, and that's by bike. Sometimes we'll ride them to downtown Culver City but I would never try to ride my beach cruiser to UCLA. I don't even have handbrakes, we have coaster brakes.

We like to ride our bikes a lot. One of the selling points of our house was that we're near the Ballona Creek bike path. That was a big deal for us, to ride our bikes to the beach really regularly, so we do that. This has been a benefit because if we had a car, we'd be less likely to ride our bikes to the beach. We'd be like, “Well, let's drive the beach” but then as an Angeleno, the beach is right there and how many of us actually go? Nobody really does. In a way, being car-free has put more impetus on us to use our bikes for what they're there for, which is to enjoy the world around us and therefore we get to enjoy the beach a lot more.

I think the hardest thing not having an option of the car is going to see my mother-in-law in Seal Beach. It's difficult but at UCLA, we're very very fortunate. We each get an account with Zipcar and we each get four hours with a Zipcar per month, so we go down there every two weeks and one week we'll take my husband's Zipcar and in the next week, we'll take my Zipcar and we'll trade off. It's nice because it allows me to do other things I can't do. We love to stop at Habitat for Humanity ReStore in Torrance, which I can’t get to by bicycle. Those are the times having access to a Zipcar is really helpful.

Besides getting handbrakes, what would get you to to bike more?

We do use the Creek a lot, but my husband used to bike when we lived in the condo and he would cycle sometimes to campus. He was hit three times in less than three years. Drivers are not looking for cyclists. I don't know if we would cycle more. I'd be open to it but I think he's a little shaken. I don't blame him.

We tend to keep a pretty tight radius anyway. One thing that my existential crisis did for me – and looking for mindful living and zero waste helps with that – is I don't really want to go very far, to be honest. Not having a car has slowed my life down significantly and I love it. If I'm going to hang out with friends, I make plans with one person for the day, not three different people in three different locations, because I can't ping-pong about the city and I really like that. I like that we can walk from our house to downtown Culver. It takes about 45 minutes, it's 3 miles, and I know neighbors along that whole 3-mile stretch. I know people from my house to downtown because of walking. When they're out in their yard and I might comment, “Your poppies have come in, they're so beautiful!” and then we have a chat. Now my community, while the radius is smaller, it's also more dense, more tight-knit. I know people, and people know me. LA feels less like a metropolis and more like a small town.

We were walking by a house the other day where the owner is renovating his rental property, as we're walking by and he goes, “Hey! Good to see you guys! Where you off to now? Are you getting brunch at Sage?” I love that sense of community and I think even if we go by bike, that wouldn't happen because we'd still be moving too fast to really have an exchange like that. Also, we get free stuff all the time.

On your walk? What would you get?

Well, yesterday, we walked to downtown Culver to go grocery shopping at the farmers market and then to the co-op and on the way, two neighbors on that walk had giant buckets of sweet lemons out and they were on my grocery list, actually! I needed six lemons, so I just put them right in my bag. Another neighbor that we've gotten to know, has a key lime tree and they always have a bucket hanging off the fence with key limes to share. My husband loves key limes with his gin and tonics so of course we always grab a few when we can. Just little things like that. We get free stuff all the time and I can't wait until our fruit trees are in enough abundance that we can share because right now, they’re still young and we're still able to eat everything they yield. Someday, though, I’ll have a bucket or a basket filled with fresh produce in my front yard too. I’m looking forward to giving back to my community in the same way that I’ve received.

What do you like most about transportation in LA?

I love that it's growing. I love that the public transit system is moving very quickly toward positive changes. I think having the Olympics coming here is going to be a real impetus for change to happen even faster as we get closer because already, you can see in the last two years how fast things have been moving. It's pretty impressive. I was reading the other day that they have plans to change the Expo line to give it priority at the lights. [Editor's note: you can read more about that here.] This is one of the problems that makes it quite slow and people are like, “Why would I take it? It's so slow!” But they're going to change and that is going to alleviate traffic because then the incentive will be to take the train, not to take the car. And why would you want to take your car if the trains are faster?

So I love that LA is innovative enough to see that this is the future and to be making moves toward it. I lived right near Santa Monica and the 405 when they widened it the last time and I was like, “Why are we doing this? This is so backwards, to widen this damn freeway!” so it's nice to see movement elsewhere, where things are changing in a positive way.

For example we don't go to Santa Monica all that much but when we were there recently, we were at a Big Blue Bus stop that had electronic marquees showing when the next bus was coming. Those kinds of marquees are at EVERY single bus bus stop in Oslo, in Norway. Imagine if every bus stop had that. People would be so much less disgruntled, just knowing that the bus will be here in three minutes or whatever. I love that we're moving toward that, the apps that exist for transit that are helpful but they're not quite there yet. I am often baffled that my Uber app can tell me exactly where my car is coming from and how long it will take to get to me, but I don't know where the fuck my bus is? This doesn’t seem like rocket science. [laughs] I do love that LA is open to change, though, that this city does see that there's a future in public transit. I read an article recently too, that was laid out all the ways that LA is poised to have the best public transit in the world in the next 50 years. If we're not underwater in 50 years, that'll be awesome!

What do you dislike the most about transportation in LA?

It's not fun missing a bus, it's not fun to see it pull away when you’re just out of reach. That's no fun. It's hard sometimes to change your mindset from, “Damn it! I just missed the bus!” to “I'm early for the next one.” [laughs] That sometimes is challenging, it can be frustrating.

The thing I dislike the most, though, is the perception people have about transportation in LA. While our city is demonstrating that we’re making positive movement toward growing our public transit system, I don’t know many who individually like or even use public transit here. I hear so many people speak so badly about public transit while also really defending individual car ownership. I wish that perception about transportation in Los Angeles could change because we are such a car culture and it seems clear just how much damage that culture has done. I wish there was a better way to show others that you don't have to be chained to your SUV; it's not actually providing you with the freedom that you think it is. The best way I can think of to do that is just by modeling what I think real independence looks like: by not owning a car myself and living in a way that makes me feel truly free and unencumbered by cultural dogma.

I often don't share bad experiences that I have with public transit for that reason. It's like zero-waste in that way, if you talk about how many times you fucked up your toothpaste DIY [laughs], no one would ever try to kick packaged toothpaste. So I tend not to talk about those things all that much, but they do exist. I once sat down on a bus seat that was wet, like, it had a puddle. It turned out to be just a bottle of water, but it was still pretty gross. We've all had those experiences where things don’t go perfectly.

The homeless population on buses really bothers a lot of people. Some of my friends worry about the mental capacity of those riders; they feel like they’re putting themselves in harm’s way when they ride on buses and encounter homeless riders. But I often think about how there are about 50 people here on this bus to help me if something goes awry. If I’m driving on the 405, what’s to prevent someone with mental illness from driving right into me? And who could help me? Driving is like “every man for himself,” whereas I see the bus as community with more possibility for good than bad just like any other community. Essentially, the homeless aren’t the problem. The issue is that people see public transit as only for those who are down and out, those who are broke. Like, if you're middle-class, you shouldn't be taking it. There's a disdain for it and in a sense, that disdain kind of creates the actuality that they're afraid exists. I wish that weren't true, but I think if I hate anything about it, it's when those moments are true and I wish that they weren't.

What is the one thing you'd want to improve in transportation in LA?

The bus system is quite good and I don't think it's as bad as people think it is. If I could improve anything, I think every bus stop should have those stinkin’ marquees. Or an app that legitimately will address every bus and train line on one app because the Culver City bus, for example, isn't really on the transit map so the app isn’t accurate at all. I just can't wrap my head around why that's so difficult. I know, again with the Uber and Lyft analogy, it doesn't seem that hard to do this. Can we throw a transponder in those things? [laughs] That's negligence on Culver City's part.

This is definitely something that the City Council is contending with. It's a real fight in our community. They want to talk about bike lanes in Culver City too, about how to make more secure bike lanes that work for the community. It's something that's on the city's mind and I think, like Santa Monica, they have a lot of locals who are very active in local politics, so anyone can go to the city council meetings and to be a part of that. I definitely plan to be a part of it too because one of the reasons we gravitate toward Ballona Creek is because it's really safe. There are no cars allowed, it makes it really safe.

From your perspective, what has been the conversation like in Culver City about bike lanes?

There's a rift. My understanding is that they watch what happened down Venice Boulevard and are like, “To hell with that, I don't want that! Think of the traffic!” This is where they gravitate. Los Angeles communities gravitate to “How is this going to affect my commute?” and traffic in Culver City is really abysmal. Once we were walking to downtown Culver for dinner during rush-hour, and we got there faster than the cars. We were walking down Culver Boulevard and it was just gridlock all the way and we were walking faster. It was like something right out of the opening scene of Office Space [laughs] It's on everybody's mind but people generally go to “How's is this going to affect traffic.” I find that interesting because why don’t they instead go, “What if I rode a bike?” or “Hey, wanna take a walk?”

I went to a sustainability conference here on campus just a couple days ago and the head of the sustainability department was talking about how they got the permit to build a new power plant here on campus. When they did the permit for the City of LA, which would never allow something like this, the City of LA said, “Well, if you can take 10,000 cars off the road, you can build your plant” and UCLA was like, “Well, we'll do you one better” and we took something like 50,000 cars off the roads by creating a carshare program here on campus, as part of how Zipcar came here to UCLA.

I think that mindset is something that Los Angeles is thinking about. Like, how do we reduce traffic? And that's also happening in all these little municipalities too. In my view, I think those in Culver City who are against it because of their own commute… well, frankly, I think their way of thinking is kind of in the past and that's not the direction that we're heading thankfully. I'm glad for that. This is one of the perks of living in a more liberal community, I think.