#i hate linework but i felt like i learned something

[axeknee]

More Touchstarved mc Whenver!

You can find the template by red spring studios in the media section on the official touchstarved website if you wanna have a go too.

[future-boi]

Doctober 2023 Summary

Completed 24/31 prompts!

List of all the prompts I did for Doctober 2023 below

So happy to be done 🥳🥳🥳👏👏👏

1. Sunrise: Tbh I don’t feel any which way about this one and I think it’s because I created it to be a companion piece to Sunset. So its like lowkey half-assed but also far from it. I’m very happy with how that turned out so that’s something…

2. Desert

3. Gun Fight😜🤧☠️: Ah, the first meme post. I felt shaky posting this. Cherry, I hope you know I did it for/because of you

4. Light Blue😈: Ah yes, the first Hell Valley angst post. I’ve always been super proud of it and I’m really happy that others are still liking/reblogging to this day! Almost a month later

5. Alarm Clock😜☠️: AH YES, the first post to really give me anxiety about posting. I was like this ain’t a SIMPLE meme anymore, ITS GOT COMPLEXITY.

6. Ticking Time Bomb  

7. Family😇: This one was super wholesome and the first time in a long while drawing Jules and Verney!

8. Outatime😜💛: This one was a fun one! There was a moment where I wasn’t sure if I should do a background… I’m glad I still had fun with it, it took a lotta work hahaha

9. Zipline

10. Nuclear  

11. Briefcase😜☠️: We back doing goofy shit again… but I really liked this one and had a lotta fun with it. definitely up there with Rear View Mirror.

12. Train Tracks  

13. Photo Album😜: This one was fun and gave me a break from drawing (aside from the days I didn’t do anything…)

14. Coffee😇💛☠️: This one’s so wholesome. But Im biased af

15. Invention😜🤧: This is the first certified half-assed art piece LMAO im sorry to admit it but I gotta speak the truth

16. Stage

17. Einstein😜: This was really fun, I love poking fun at Biff but who doesn’t?

18. Letter  

19. Memory 😇😈: Didn’t like the linework on this one I think that’s why I was feeling so negative about it… or maybe the composition… overall, I think I can do better.

20. Rearview Mirror😜💛🔥☠️: This one’s definitely the funnest one I’ve worked on and still makes me giggle.

21. Improvement😇: I was stressing over trying to finish it so I don’t have the happiest memories of working on this one…

22. Constellation😇💛: This one’s special to me so I was gonna love it no matter what lmao. I really enjoyed working on it even though I wish I had more time.

23. Nostalgia😇💛: One of the faves and always will be. The vibes are on point.

24. Record Player😈: The return of Hell Valley angst

25. Café😇: I’m happy with the color palette. I want to revisit this one some other time cuz I feel like I could do more if I had more time. Not sure if I should categorize this under half assed attempt or not.

26. Anniversary😇🤧: Yeah this was another half assed one, sorry

27. Thunderstorm😈: Angst and Hell Valley are synonymous at this point. I really liked this one, especially how it transitions from colored to black and white

28. Metallic😜☠️: Nimona. That’s all I gotta say. Nah jk I wasn’t going to do this but the no pines timeline was really interesting to learn about… and by interesting, I mean scary. But hey, it gives us another angle to the bttf storyline.

29. 2023😇😜🤧: Talked about the musical. Drew a few doodles. Hair style reveal?

30. Sunset😇⚡: Gives all the warm fuzzies, how could you hate it? Very happy with my use of color here.

31. Free Day (Halloween)😈🎃☠️: We don’t talk about this one… It’s the number one rule of the club 😉

What the emojis mean:

🤧 Half Assed

😜 Funny/Meme

😇 Warm Fuzzies

😈 Angst

☠️ WHO LET ME COOK

💛 Top 5

🔥 Funnest Prompt

🎃 Spookiest

⚡ Personal Fave

My goal for this prompt list challenge was to focus on quality over quantity. There’s a few half-assed art pieces that snuck in, but it could have been worse. By quality, I wanted clean line art, backgrounds, and if I have enough time, color!

What drove me to create art: Showing other people that are in this fandom (most notably ⚡@cheriboms). I’d love to interact with other mutuals on here. Shout outs: 💛@bttf-dork 💛@synthsays 💛@alex-a-fans. I feel like I’ve been doing that more towards the end of the challenge, but yall give me motivation! And sometimes, inspiration!

What I learned:

🤔 I can actually draw backgrounds if I actually try [wowowow who'da thunk] It’s much easier to draw a background from a reference rather than coming up with one on your own. So I need to keep that in mind whenever I feel discouraged.

🤔 I feel like my work is very dramatic. Like melodramatic fr. Or at least it can be... I blame watching those tv dramas with my mom when I was a kid. But then again, if you want to incite emotion out of an audience, you gotta know how to frame stuff and do all the fancy cinematography work. So you gotta be dramatic to an extent. I got really really bored with my ideas that weren’t telling a story(or rather a more interesting story…). And that effected my motivation.

🤔 Looking back at the list, I noticed that my top 5s are all either silly or wholesome and I’m glad and relieved about that. I said that I’m really dramatic and there’s quite a bit of angst in there, but ig I’m not THAT edgy (or maybe the prompts didn’t allow me to be🤔👀)

Things that I want to improve on: COLOR THEORY. Brush theory/line weight. I’ve been experimenting a tiny bit with this throughout the month, but I want to delve into it. Since I didn’t work on something for more than a day, I felt like I was throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks.🤪I didn’t get to really study what colors work well and why and experiment with it.

A lot of the ones that I’m not very proud of could be chalked up to not having enough time to work on it/make it better, so that’s an interesting dilemma.

TL,DR; I talk too much. Gotta work faster smh git gud 🙄

[carpisuns]

For the artist meme -- 20 and 6! 🎨 if you like xx

20. how often do you get art block?

all the time 🥰 it's like clockwork lol sometimes i get sooo frustrated and cranky bc i hate all my art and i'm like "woe is me!! i've lost all my skills!! i'll never draw again!!" and then i'm like wait . i know what's happening here. i just gotta wait it out I'll be fine lol. it's nice that i also write bc then i can switch to writing for a while until the art block clears up 👍 i've found it's best for me to just take a break from drawing for a bit and not try to force it so my brain can like reset itself

6. tag your favorite artists/inspirations!

oh man there are so many!!!! i could name like 100 people lol but i'm gonna limit myself to the ones i think have had the most direct influence on my art style. hope u guys don't mind the tags<3

@ileniagennari was one of the first artists i latched onto stylewise. i used to study their work a lot because i am obsessed with the fluidity and softness of their linework and i just really like how they draw faces and bodies. their rendering is also amazing and feels sort of cinematic somehow? i've always wished my art could have a similar feel!

@anna-scribbles has also been a huge style influence for me and she's just also been a big inspiration in general as a close friend<3 i ADORE her work and have studied it specifically a ton. she draws the most blorby blorbos ever. blorbyness is her art trademark imo. and i want that for me too so i tried to steal it. i also think just sheer proximity to her and her art has made me pick up a lot of things from her automatically haha. in particular, i feel like the way she draws smiles is so perfect, and i always try to channel her when i draw smiles myself haha

@ladybeug inspires me so much and has taught me really valuable art skills! a while ago i came to a point in my art journey when i felt just really stuck and frustrated. like i could not for the life of me just DOODLE. i took everything too seriously, even if it was supposed to be simple and silly. i really needed to learn how to loosen up and enjoy drawing more. stephanie is like the most esteemed and delightful doodler i know so i came to her for advice and she DELIVERED. she gave me super helpful tips and invited me to make daily comics with her and it's been lifechanging! it's helped me focus on communication over perfection and feel more confident in my art, which i think had a visible difference in my style too. i learn SO much from just regularly enjoying stephanie's work, including her webcomic @datmcomic!!

@rileyclaw is a good buddy of mine and his work is so hugely inspiring to me! it's really educational to see his wips and learn from his process. and since he's an incredible animator as well as an illustrator, enjoying his work is part of what inspired me to finally take a leap and make my first animatic. i really love how he pushes/exaggerates body and facial expression to communicate emotion and how he makes such careful choices about comp and color and just Everything to tell a whole story with every piece of his art. i've learned a lot from riley on the storytelling aspects of art and that's something i continue to try to build on!

@knockknockknockingonhootysdoor's art is like an instant and intense shot of dopamine to my brain every time!!! i cant even tell you how HAPPY it makes me. i just stare at it and eat it all up and i'm always asking myself HOW does he do it?? how does he make me feel this way. and i think it's just like....how genuine it is?? i can just feel kryan's love for the story and characters in the way he draws and im not sure that is a stealable quality lol. but in particular something i really admire about his art is how SHAPE it is. i love how he builds each character with different shapes and how each design feels so unique and so fitting for them. i am trying to incorporate that more into my own art!

man i already have rambled so much and there are so many other artists i could go on and on about alskjdfjkla ok just real quick i have to shout out @picayunearts bc i intensely enjoy her work in both the ml and toh fandoms and her coloring and use of light and gradient always stands out to me so i kinda try to channel that sometimes! @smallpapers is another fav and i love how soft and simple her art feels! it's always inspiring to me. @raystel's work also inspires me a lot, whether it's fanwork or original stuff. she is so creative with character design and seeing the way she expresses her ideas in art is so cool!

and i would be remiss if i didn't shout out my sister @mozzys-studio who is the first person i came to when i wanted to learn how to draw and she taught me a lot! her art is beautiful<3

thanks for the questions! :D

artist asks

[mellowswriting]

Congrats on 100! For the requests can you write something with Marcus Pike where he never knew the reader had tattoos because her ex hated them so she covers them up with their clothing. I hope its not too specific or odd ❤ (Sorry if this sent multiple times, im having internet issues)

Ink

pairing || Marcus Pike x Reader

summary ||  Marcus discovers your tattoos - and why you hid them from him.

word count || 1,546

warnings || shitty ex, kinda hurt/comfort

Main Masterlist  |  Join the taglist

Your day, put simply, was going absolutely shittily.

First, you woke up feeling amazingly well rested. Sounds like a great thing, right? No. Unbeknownst to you, your phone charger became unplugged and your phone had died overnight. Without your alarms to get you up and caffeinated, you were left to scramble into your office attire and out the door with a frazzled mind and zero coffee in hand. You knew better than to try to tackle what was starting as a difficult day without the energy boost, so you bit the bullet and stopped at a café on your way to work. 

Foolishly, you thought your morning was looking up when you made it through the line in record time - until you took a sip of your coffee and simultaneously burned the everloving hell out of your tongue and learned that your order was not only incorrect, but entirely undrinkable. The attitude in which you dropped the to go cup into the trash outside of FBI headquarters could’ve brought the entire building down, but that was neither here nor there. You couldn’t find it in you to be frustrated with the sweet baristas at the café - they were overwhelmed with the morning rush, after all. No, your frustration was placed solely on the universe.  

In a last ditch effort to save your morning, you stopped by the break room for a cup of shitty office coffee to take back into your little office. You were frazzled enough that the team didn’t stop you on your march through the bullpen. With the blinds open to let the early morning sunshine warm your back, you settled at your desk and finally took what felt like the first somewhat calm breath since you opened your eyes. You grabbed your worn notepad and began jotting down the list of tasks you had to get done that day, grateful that it was mostly humdrum paperwork and not anything grueling. You wouldn’t have had the spoons for that. 

There was something about having each of your responsibilities laid out and ready for you to tackle that made you feel much better. A small light at the end of the tunnel. You took a deep breath and began filling out your latest case reports, your practiced fingers flying over the keys of your laptop. Of course, in true fashion, the universe decided to put you in your place. You reached for your coffee, eyes still on the laptop screen, and severely misjudged the distance and managed to tip the cup over. 

“Son of a bitch!” You hissed, shooting out of your seat at the bite of hot coffee dripping down your front. Instinct had you ripping your blazer off and pulling at the buttons of your blouse, desperate to get the soaked fabric away from your skin. At least you were wearing a tank top beneath it, even though it was thin enough to be almost see through. “You have got to be kidding me.” 

Three quick knocks rapped against your door and you didn’t even have to guess who it was - Marcus Pike, your coworker, good friend and his latest title - boyfriend. He never strayed in his little patterned knocking, something you found endearing even when you were having a comically bad morning. 

“Come on in, Marcus!” You called out as you dug around in your drawers for the wipes you kept there. Marcus entered with a bright smile that faltered slightly at your disheveled state. Your tone is almost sarcastic as you continue. “Good morning.” 

“Oh, honey.” Marcus said, quickly closing the door behind him before anyone could catch a glimpse of you sliding your blouse off. The dark, intricate lines inked into your skin caught his eye immediately but he didn’t let his gaze linger. 

He couldn’t lie - he had noticed the constant long-sleeved blouses and sweaters you wore, but didn’t pry. If you had something you wanted to hide from the world, Marcus was sure you would tell him when you were ready to. But now that he knew it was just what appeared to be some amazing tattoos, he was a bit confused. They were beautiful. Why would you want to hide them? 

You were obviously having a hard time. The hard set of your jaw and scrunched state of your eyebrows would have been enough to tell him that even if he wasn’t watching you try to clean the coffee from your skin with a pack of wet wipes. Your hair wasn’t tied back like it usually would. Instead it hung loose around your shoulders, falling in your face every now and then and making you huff in annoyance. 

Annoyed, sticky, and absolutely over the day, and you still looked god damn ethereal. How did he get so lucky?

“How can I help?” Marcus asked as he rounded your desk and you gave him a grateful smile. 

“Can you grab the extra shirt from the cupboard? Thank god I have a back up at least.” If there was one thing you could always count on, it was Marcus Pike being the best man on Earth. You smiled when he handed you the clean shirt before he began wiping your desk clean. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Of course,” Marcus tossed the soiled wipes into your trashcan, grinning and pumping his arm animatedly when they went in. What an adorable dork. He ran his hands up and down your biceps gently and you almost shivered at the warmth of his palms. “What happened?”

“Coffee has betrayed me at every turn this morning.” You pouted again as you leaned into his chest. The sight of Marcus staring down at you with that concerned, loving gaze made fluttering erupt in your belly. 

“So I suppose I shouldn’t ask if you want to get some with me for lunch, huh?” Marcus asked with that breathtaking mischievous smile and you couldn’t help but crack up at him. His thumbs rubbed circles into your skin and you glanced down, watching his fingertip run over the lines of your tattoo. You realized with a jolt that he had never seen them before. 

Your body art was something you loved - you didn’t spend endless hours in a chair getting stabbed with needles a million times for nothing. The dark swirls of ink were intricate, something that you used to be complimented on often. Until your ex came along, of course. It wasn’t as if you hid them from him. No, he was well aware that you had tattoos and planned to get more, so when he asked you to cover them up before going out one night you had been confused, and then pissed. 

Who the hell had he been to tell you to hide a part of yourself that you loved?

Those subtle requests morphed into small jabs and complaints. Over time, you began covering them by habit, trying to avoid the whole mess altogether. It wasn’t worth arguing about, you convinced yourself. Once he tried to convince you to get them removed? No, that was the last straw. Even though he wasn’t even a blip on your radar, you still found yourself keeping them covered, a small, insecure voice in your head warning you of a threat that was no longer there. 

You held your arm out, giving him silent permission to openly follow the linework, and Marcus took the opportunity with a smile. His touch was as gentle as ever, up and down your arm from piece to piece. “Sorry, I know they aren’t everyone’s cup of tea,”

“Do you like them?” The question catches you off guard but you nod immediately. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind about their importance to you or their beauty. Marcus shrugged. “Nothing else matters then.”

Tension you hadn’t even realized you had been holding melted away from your chest. The way he looked at you… it was the same appreciation and intensity he reserved for the artwork obtained by the team, his gaze hungry for every detail he had the honor of seeing firsthand. 

“Do you like them?” You whispered, your curiosity getting the better of you. 

“They’re beautiful.” Marcus doesn’t miss a beat. “I’d love to hear the stories behind them, if there are any.”

“Yeah, there are a few.” You guided his hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles before settling back on your arm, your chest thick with an emotion you couldn’t quite name. Marcus immediately began following the lines again and you chuckled. “You really like them, huh?”

“Honestly? I think they’re sexy.” Marcus murmured as he pulled you against his chest by your waist and you positively flushed. The image of Marcus’s tongue tracing your tattoos enveloped you unbiddenly. You bit back a groan - that man was going to be the death of you. 

You pressed up on your tiptoes and kissed him. The woes of your morning faded into the background at the delighted sound he gave against your lips, one hand abandoning your waist to hold you steady at your jaw. You draped your arms over his shoulders and lost yourself in his warmth, his comfort. There wasn’t a thing in this world that Marcus couldn’t make better with a few soft words and a gentle touch.

[themadbennyhatter]

Eyyyy more tattooed boys I guess

---

Eijirou Kirishima, Izuku learns quickly, is just as tattooed as Bakugou -- his are just very, very different. Where the blonde's sleeves are bold colors mixed with delicate beauty, Kirishima's tattoos are stark, solid tribal lines that remind Izuku of henna, in a way. The ink itself is in shades of brown, which might be where his comparison is coming from, if he thinks about it. His right arm looks like solid rock, all the way down to the most minute cracks that spiderweb between the interlocking plates. It goes all the way up his shoulder and throat, and even across part of his face.

"Bakubro!" he shouts with a boisterous grin, startling Izuku immediately with just how friendly he is. Part of him was expecting another quiet, surly man like Katsuki himself. Their eyes are almost the same color, though Kirishima's hair is red and falls around his face in thick, soft-looking tufts.

If Katsuki reminds Izuku of a wolf, then this man is a puppy.

"Can it, shitty hair," the blonde grumbles, slinging his shoulder bag at the chair behind the front desk and disappearing into the back of the parlor. Unsure of what he's supposed to do, or if Katsuki is coming back, Izuku turns to Kirishima and smiles nervously.

"Hello. I'm Izuku Midoriya. It's nice to meet you."

"Hey, man, you too! Did Bakugou rope you into a tat? He didn't scare you, did he? He acts all surly, but he's really harmless!"

"Oh!" Izuku waves his hands emphatically. Privately, he wonders how anything about Katsuki can be considered harmless. "It's nothing like that at all! I just- I saw his tattoos on the train. He said you designed them? They're gorgeous!"

He's rambling, nerves making his words fly before his brain can catch up, but Kirishima's easy laughter helps settle him in a way he hadn't anticipated. His shoulders relax, and his next smile comes easier.

"Hey, thanks! He tatted me up in return. It's kind of our thing, ya know? I'm not done yet, though." He waves his left arm, which only has a few crack-like likes creeping down his bicep. "Wanna take a closer look?"

"Can I?" Izuku breathes, and just like that he finds himself leaning over the man's toned forearm, tracing the linework with light, fascinated fingertips. From a distance, it didn't look like much -- simple and sharp, but done with skill. Up close though, Izuku can see every tiny line and crack and shading. He can marvel over the way the natural light deepens the shadows that already mimic natural rock. It looks so realistic that he can't believe he's touching smooth, warm skin instead of jagged granite.

"I know tattoos have meanings," he mumbles, following the dark lines up Kirishima's arm to his bicep. He's blown away by how the linework changes the shape of his muscle without actually changing anything at all. "Can I ask why you chose this?"

Kirishima doesn't seem at all disturbed by his close inspection. If anything, he preens under Izuku's touch the same way Katsuki had preened beneath his admiring stare. "I've always been super drawn to the earth and rocks," the redhead explains. "You should see my house, man. I've got crystals and raw chunks of different rocks all over the place. Plus, my mom always said my fascination with the stuff was a sign of my unbreakable spirit. 'Cause the earth is such a solid foundation, y'know? It might not make sense to others, but it makes sense to me, and that's really all you need for a tattoo."

"Will it cover your whole body?" Stepping back, Izuku glances toward where he'd set his backpack, his fingers itching to dig out his sketchbook and bring the man's passion to life on paper.

"Nah, I'm gonna cover my legs in different designs. This'll probably just take up my arms and torso. What about you; you got any ink, 'Zuku?"

Startled by the easy nickname, Izuku laughs lightly and shakes his head. "No, not me. I've never really thought about it? Well, no, I guess I have. I just never found a time that felt fitting, if that makes sense?"

"Totally! It's gotta be somethin' you know you're ready for, and it's gotta be something you love, otherwise you'll hate it forever." There's an eager light in Kirishima's eyes, and Izuku can't help but remember Katsuki's words on the train. The redhead looks ready to push him into a chair and take a needle to his skin now.

"Oi, don't scare him away," Katsuki barks, appearing like some sort of silent, looming god and making both Izuku and Kirishima jump. He's wearing heavy-looking boots, but somehow, he hadn't made a single sound. There's a cheese stick hanging from the corner of his mouth, and he's changed into a tighter tank top. The collar dips low enough for Izuku to see where the man's explosive flowers and dark storm clouds collide across his collarbone.

"It's fine," Izuku says reassuringly, looking between them and his hidden sketchbook. His mind is thrumming with ideas, so many of them that his head is aching from the rush of inspiration. "If it's, uh, alright with both of you... May I draw for a bit? I just- I don't have anywhere else to be. If you'd rather not have me underfoot, I completely understand!"

"You draw?" Somehow, Kirishima's eyes seem even brighter now. "Dude, yes! Have at it! You gotta show me, though; I want to see!"

Grinning sheepishly, Izuku rubs the back of his head. "Uh, sure? I'm not really all that great, but I enjoy it a lot!"

"Tch." Katsuki leans over the desk, shoving Kirishima out of the way to check what looks like an open monthly planner. "The fuck, the three cancelled? God damn it, that's the fourth time! Bitch can take his money elsewhere after this. I ain't fixin' my damn schedule for him again."

"Guess the nerves are too much for some of 'em," Kirishima agrees. Izuku tunes out the rest of their conversation, picking one of the surprisingly comfortable leather chairs in the waiting room and curling up on it. He rests his sketch book on his knees, bites the tip of his tongue, and lets his muse drain out through the tips of his pencils.

[frogsandfries]

I thought about it

A lot. Really hard.

For one, I don't love the idea of the pixel art. But at the same time, I spend most of the time working at--whodda thunk--the pixel level, one pixel at a time. Sometimes I work with the frames zoomed in on my tablet. Of course I hate how they look. Of course at what, like eight hundred percent zoom, they look like garbage.

I took several minutes to look at some frames from my phone, from Tumblr, from Stitch Fiddle (I refuse to apologize for making pixel art on a cross-stitch pattern making platform). At the proper scale, I realize my color palettes are actually good, they work, they look good. They look how I would ideally illustrate if I was any good at digital art.

I'm starting to research and I didn't realize in 2019, traditional publishing venues were looking to take on graphic novels. I know I'm always a couple years out of sync with......... honestly, any kind of art trend, but I think if I worked really hard on my outline and I worked really hard on building a great query......... who knows.

It'd be extremely awesome to be able to pay the bills while I work on this. It'd probably be a dream come true to be able to focus on this. Plus, I might actually thrive under a little creative pressure. It might be fun..........orrr it might actually be stressful in a bad way. It probably wouldn't be like finals week in college--that's little sleep for a week so you can put the finishing touches on projects you were only assigned two weeks ago. I wouldn't procrastinate, but I probably wouldn't be able to live up to tight and stringent deadlines, and still set the quality assurance that I demand.

Maybe I should wait a while longer before trying to query an agent........ maybe I want to have more work finished before committing to bite off more than maybe I can chew. Ugh! But what if I could get what I feel to be a real job? What if I could make a living with my art?? What if I could take my computer back to work and say, "thanks for all the fish"??

What if, with the muscle of a big name in traditional publishing....... what if, with someone who has something to lose, what if???

But...... looking for an agent would be its own full-time job......... sharpening my query, sharpening my presentation--

Speaking of presentation--I spent a lot of time thinking about that too.

I grew up, came of age, creatively and socially, online. When I was between eighth and ninth grade, I searched high and low for an online, mobile community. I learned about keitei shosetsu and that was it. But when I gave up writing and became visual artist--everyone knows graphic novels come in panels and pages. I'm incapable. I thought about it really hard, and it doesn't really suit my style. I tried really hard, but I constantly over-thought and it never felt right, never looked good.

I've found my niche!!!! I can make art, tell a story, and I think it's perfect for mobile. But I wouldn't say no to grouping the frames into strips by pages and spreads, seeing my work on paper.

Knowing that traditional publishing may be an option, knowing that I have a unique style that could be just the thing somebody's looking for--man, that's almost motivation enough. I want to try to work really hard to finish the outline, and then I want to try to also work really hard to get at least the linework up to the part where Kitty arrives at the school. I hope I can find an agent who enjoys a click-through graphic novel as much as I do.

Still got a mountain of work in front of me.

[m-ziliak]

What got you interested in animation?

Okay, this is gonna be long and it’s gonna involve a lot of Invader Zim. So as a kid I really loved drawing and cartoons. I drew all the time. I’d get in trouble a lot for it as well because I tended to finish my work early and doodle in the margins of my papers. But one particular cartoon changed the way I looked at cartoons as a whole.  I remember the night. It was a spring evening in 2001. Nickelodeon was going to air two “new” cartoons and they had held a poll on their website to see which would air first. It was between Fairly OddParents and Invader Zim. Of course Fairly OddParents won because it was already known from its Oh Yeah! Cartoons segments. (My sister and I quoted those episodes CONSTANTLY.) I was specifically excited to see it become a full half-hour show instead of the short eight or so minute romp it was. I sat down on my bedroom floor and turned the dial (My TV at the time was from the late 70s or so, I have no idea how we hooked it up to cable.) to 45 and enjoyed. It was pretty much the same as before, just longer. Nothing special. I decided to stay for the other cartoon and on came Invader Zim. I was completely engrossed with it. It was dark, it was weird, it was sci-fi and scary and action! I didn’t know cartoons could be like that! All I thought about that week was the chase scene between Zim and Dib. I was interested in cartoons before, but not like this. A cartoon that wasn’t just comedy! Imagine! On top of that it looked so different than everything else, sharp angles, thick linework, dramatic colors. Somehow the art was so much more vivid and darker than other shows at the same time. That was when I really got into cartoons and saw them as a medium instead of a genera. In high school I began to get an interest in comics, beginning a collection of old House of Mystery books and drawing my own really bad comics out on printer paper. I also got really into JtHM. I figured when I went to college I’d go into the illustration major to learn more about that. But two things happened. First, my friend Jessica gave me her box set of Invader Zim DVDs. I figured I’d re-live the show, so I accepted and put them on and saw they had commentary. I wanted to know who was behind a comic I loved at the time and a show I loved as a kid, so I decided to give it a go and I fell in love all over again. They absolutely HATED working with the network on the show, yet they seemed to have so much fun doing it. Making quips about someone forgetting to draw in cars, messing up on a background character, the lighting being off for an entire sequence, it all was exhausting and hilarious at the same time. I wanted to be like them, the people who made cartoons. They were weird and sarcastic, dedicated yet slackers. They seemed like friends, kindred spirits maybe.  And then came an assignment. When I was 13 one of the last assignments of ninth grade was to make a stop-motion movie. Didn’t have to be long, just three minutes or so. I made a witch, a prince and a monster. It was maybe six frames per second and kinda choppy, but the second I saw my characters move, a fire was lit in me. It was absolutely magic. I felt like that was what I was made for and nothing could ever compare to the feeling of seeing something I made come to life. So I went into animation in college. It’s still like that, I still get excited whenever I see a finished animation of mine. I don’t have a scanner at the moment and haven’t for like, a few years now, so I can’t actually finish anything digitally anymore (Which is why I have so many marker drawings on Instagram.) I have a degree in animation now, but studios haven’t liked my stuff. I applied for a good handful of shows but no one’s messaged me back. I even applied to work on the Invader Zim movie, how wonderful would that have been to work on the one thing that got you into animation in the first place? I’m fine with working on comics at the moment, my Oswald one is getting popular. I have a lot of stories I want to tell but it always feels like there’s never enough time. I’d love to get some of these projects over to animation one day but for now I’m okay sketching out one thing at a time.

[comicteaparty]

May 11th-May 17th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from May 11th, 2020 to May 17th, 2020.  The chat focused on Gender Slices by Jey Pawlik.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Gender Slices by Jey Pawlik~! (https://topazcomics.com/genderslices/vol1/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until May 17th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I have read the comic before. The whole thing and the author's comment at the end. It is such a shame to hear that Jey has gotten hate for their work. It takes a lot of bravery to be so openly queer on the internet, and I admire it a lot.

I like the art!

It is simple and clean and expressive.

This might be a bit of a weird comment, but from how Jey draws themselves, I feel like I have an understanding of how they actually look?

Like, their face and body are just a few lines here, but they're a distinctive few lines.

About the writing: it's hard to make a short form comic like this! Brevity is the soul of wit and all that, and it's hard to be concise!

But I think they manage it well

I feel like every panel has a purpose

I think it's fascinating, and sometimes saddening, how how you are and how you look affects how others treat you

This comic gave me greater insight into what it's like to be seen as non binary. Or, to not be seen as non binary when you are

I don't know if Jey will be reading this, but thank you for making the comic <3

I hope that many other people learned something from reading it as well

eliushi [a winged tale]

I really enjoy comics that give me more insight into other people’s lives. Bookmarked and will go through the comic this week!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Wow, I love the way the webcomic showed how being nonbinary was like. It's very simple and gets the point across very well. I'm also going to keep reading it.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

On Gender Slices; - I enjoy how personal and insightful about Jey's journey as non binary. - I like how clean and straight forward the story is. It's more like an auto bio comic strip - Even though the designs are simplistic, I see the author's personal struggle within. - As a reader, I really like self discovery stories. Gender Slices is helping me think about gender spectrum, respecting pronouns. - Overall, it expresses how different stages of your life, your identity can change as a non binary person. Wow this comic accurately shows the common issues my enby friends complain about. But it's much clearer in this comic format(edited)

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I loved Gender Slices! It's hard for me to comment on character and stuff when it's, like, autobiographical? Like, that's a real human person lol. But I really think the comic does a great job of conveying Jey's journey through their identity with all these short scenarios. It feels like a diary of sorts, and that's really cool to me.

eliushi [a winged tale]

I really enjoyed this and will be recommending it to folks I think will benefit from understanding this community better. I found the most powerful messages and portrayal of experiences come from the small everyday things that we often take for granted. I felt the clean art style and clear panels helped the autobiographical narrative be very approachable. Most importantly, the tips offering better phrasing and approaches to talking about gender in the comic were very enlightening and useful. I hope more people read this, young to old to in-between! There will always be things to learn on how to respect and love each other more.

RebelVampire

What I like about the beginning of the comic and the art style all in one is just how clean the art is. I'm a huge fan of good, easy to read linework, since it's much easier for me as a reader to understand what's going on. This is something that occurred through out the comic, so each strip's message was conveyed really clearly. <3 I am overall glad this comic exists, as it's good to hear people's unique stories as they deal with life, whether it's something unique related to being nb or something that's somewhat universal regardless of those sorts of issues; I know at the beginning, disappointing parents was a pretty big theme and I think that's something we all experience. This was also clearly an extremely personal story at work, and it takes a truly brave soul to make something like this. Which honestly, I think those are the parts that make the comic the strongest. It's a personal story, and you know these events really happened and get to connect with the creator on a personal level without even knowing them. As such, the material really sticks with you because of that personal, emotional connection that's developed as you read it. As for a "favorite" moment, there is one strip that stood out to me (which I sadly didn't bookmark). But in it, Jey talks about how they appreciate having words and "labels" to describe themself, but also acknowledges that some people don't like to label themselves. And as a person who doesn't like to label themself, I really appreciated that. This is something I feel rarely gets mentioned in webcomics, so I liked that there was a mutual respect established in the strip that it's ok to have a preference in that regard and that whether you want to find labels for yourself or don't want to, you're a cool person.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Of the moments in the comic, which did you find the most personally relatable and why? In what ways do you think that moment might help others who read it?

10. What do you think the personal stories in this comic teach us about finding personal happiness, self-acceptance, and acceptance from others?

11. Why do you think telling stories about the sorts of gender issues presented here are important, and what moments in the comic show why that’s the case?

12. How does the comic being autobiographical versus fiction affect your views on the comic’s messages? In what ways does it being autobiographical make it stand out from other comics?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

RebelVampire

I've already talked about the most relatable moment in regards to favorite for me. I think it's a helpful moment because it just helps show everyone is different, and that it's good to have mutual respect all around. I think that the personal stories teach us about the themes of happiness, acceptance, etc. is that it's hard work. You aren't gonna nail it in one day, and you also can't be expected to. Society certainly may want you to have a grasp on these things, but ultimately these things are achieved at your own pace and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. These stories are important for a lot of reasons, but for me personally I always think the most important thing is that it just makes people feel not alone. And I think the part of the comic that shows this is the strips about Jey finding people in their community. Humans do not like to feel lonely, and these stories help show people that no, even if you're in a community where this isn't a thing, there's billions of people in the world and theres always a community out there to share your experiences with and bond with. Autobiographical comics, in my opinion, tend to have a much stronger emotional connections. Sometimes with fiction stories, it can be hard to really get into the emotions, since at the end of the day, characters are representations of people and not exactly people. They can be damn good and feel super real, but there will always be that gap of "but it's fiction." Autobiographical stories don't have this. They are basically raw emotions put onto a page, and there's just this inherent sense of reality to them that fiction struggles to capture sometimes. As such, the messages they deliver are more powerful in most cases.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Going back to the previous question; 9. Most personally was expressing how Jey tried to self talk to adjust to a new name. But end up falling back to their birth name. 10. It helps to see how one might struggle internally, what gender disphoria feels from the character's pov. 12. It gives a deeper insight since this is a real person's experience and not a fantasy character going through the stages. I will continue reading Jey's journey and learn from their experiences. I think it's a good guide to what a non binary person goes through.(edited)

RebelVampire

Well since the comic is done, I am looking forward to seeing more people discover it. I know lots of people really need stories like this, so its nice to see when people are positively affected by them. Once again, it is a great thing this comic exists. Maybe it's not a comic for you, but it's one of those comics where you can tell it means a lot to someone out there, and I think everyone needs those special collection of stories to help them navigate through life

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Gender Slices this week! Please also give a special thank you to Jey Pawlik for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Gender Slices, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://topazcomics.com/genderslices/vol1/

Jey’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jpawlik

Topaz Comic’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/topazcomics

Topaz Comic’s Shop: https://topazcomics.com/shop/

Topaz Comic’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/topazcomics

[sml8180]

Comfort Through the Storm

A/N: I posted a soft!Seed HC about Jacob and John being kind of afraid of storms, and Joseph being the one to help them, and decided to make it into a full on one-shot. Also, slight bonus HC that all three brothers enjoy music, so there’s that, too.

@johnseedthot @deputyshitlordsantana @jacobsmusicbox @farcrying5 @johnseedsplane @rookieseed

Lightning flashed overhead as the rain came down in sheets. John hadn’t been through a storm like this in some time, and he could easily say that he still wasn’t a fan. He’d hated storms ever since he could remember. Despite being a grown man who heard gunfire on a near daily basis, thunderstorms were one of those things he couldn’t stand. He knew Jacob wasn’t one for them, either, but his eldest brother wasn’t the type to go to another for comfort. Usually, once the thunder started, Jacob would simply leave and lock himself in his room, coping on his own. John, though, found that being alone was one of the worst things for him. So many late stormy nights, alone at the office while he finished paperwork for whatever case he’d been working on had proved that time and time again. When the wind picked up, and lightning flashed again, the Baptist picked up the book he’d set on the table beside his chair and left his office.

He slipped into the main lounge just as Jacob slipped out, passing by without a word. John found Joseph sitting by the fire he’d lit, his glasses set aside and a white leather bound journal in his lap. Neither brother said anything as John settled himself in a nearby armchair, getting comfortable before opening up the book he’d brought with him. The thunder boomed outside, and his grip on the book tightened for just a second. The youngest brother tried to focus on his book; it was one he’d read a number of times already, but he enjoyed it all the same. For a time, John was able to focus on his reading and the crackling of the fire, but as the storm picked up, he sighed, unable to focus correctly as the thunder grew louder.

Joseph looked to his brother out of the corner of his eye, hearing the man’s quiet sigh. He tried to think of what he could say to help distract his younger brother. The Father closed the book in his lap and stood to put it back in its place on the bookshelf. There was only a handful of things he knew helped John through storms like this; conversation, music, reading, even just getting him to sketch out tattoo designs seemed to help the man. Thinking for another moment, Joseph nodded to himself, and made his way back to his brother.

“John?” Joseph’s voice was soft as he addressed his brother, setting a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. He didn’t want to startle his brother, after all. “We haven’t worked on filling in the tattoo on my back in some time. We could do some now, if you’re willing.” The Father tried to be casual in his wording. If he was too obvious about trying to distract John, it wouldn’t help him. What he was saying was true, anyways; the pair had been chipping away at a large cross tattoo Joseph had wanted on his back, and the outline was finished, but currently stood only partially filled. They were going just a section at a time, trying to work around the schedule they held in keeping the Project running smoothly. Now, though, they had a fair amount of time to kill as the storm continued outside in the night.

“I suppose it has been a while, hasn’t it?” John quietly mused, setting his book aside. “I guess who could work on it, we do have the time, after all,” he went on, looking up towards his brother standing by his side. The Baptist stood, going to get his equipment without another word.

Joseph smiled to himself, and got a few things together for John. He set a pair of chairs together in the light, turning on an extra lamp so that John would be able to better see what he was doing, and set a table nearby for John’s equipment. Afterwords, he slipped off his shirt, setting it aside. He was thankful that he would be able to go back to wearing his usual buttoned shirts in another few days, it wasn’t normal of him to go around in T-shirts like Jacob did. The words cut into his skin were no longer sensitive to the touch, so long as it didn’t do anything to cause them to open back up. The middle Seed sat on one of the chairs, facing the back of it and crossing his arms over the back. John soon returned, and set out his equipment, hands already washed and everything else ready to go. He took a small breath as the tattoo gun buzzed to life in his hand, relaxing at the familiar sound, if only a small bit.

The Father felt his brother’s hand on his back, keeping them both steady as John began to work. The fast moving needle was a familiar feeling to Joseph, by now, and the sound was something else he’d grown used to. As his brother worked, the older Seed held still, smiling to himself as he could feel John’s bracing hand relaxing against his back as he worked. John had a steady hand, and Joseph found a bit of comfort in that fact. Despite all the tattoos he had, Joseph wasn’t one to trust just anybody to take a needle to his skin. The only ink he’d had done that wasn’t by his brother’s hand had been the pair of Doves by his collar bones. They had been nearly hell to get done, with how sensitive the area was from a lack of muscle or fat to cushion the needle. After reuniting with John, though, and learning about his skill with a tattoo gun, Joseph had asked if he could add a new tattoo to him; the portrait of his late wife, surrounded by Bliss flowers, had been John’s first work on his brother. From then on, Joseph only trusted his Baptist to take a needle to his skin.

As the atmosphere became more relaxed between the two, Joseph let his eyes shut. Any tension he’d felt in John’s hand against his back was now gone as he worked, and the realization let the older brother relax, himself. Soon, Joseph started to hum whatever hymn that came to mind, breaking the silence between him and his brother. Not long after, he could hear John join him, quietly starting to sing the lyrics to his brother’s humming. As this went on, John continued his work, singing with his older brother as he did. By the time they got tired enough to call it quits for the night, John had gotten almost a quarter of Joseph’s tattoo filled. They still had roughly half of the linework left to fill in, but that could wait. For now, John covered up the freshly inked skin on his brother’s back and started to gather his equipment to be clean it later on. Joseph straightened up, rolling his shoulders and head to loosen up the stiff muscles.

“We made a dent, at least. A couple more sessions, and we should have it finished,” John told his brother, putting away his equipment. He was far more relaxed, now, going off his tone and movements.

Joseph smiled calmly, nodding. “We’ll need to find the time, then,” he simply stated, earning a nod from his younger brother. After the equipment was cleared and things returned to normal, John made his way to his room, heading to bed as the storm started to finally die down outside. While his younger brother went to bed, Joseph went to check in on his older brother, quietly knocking at the wooden door before opening it enough to slip in and lean against the inside door-frame.

The Soldier didn’t seem to take much notice at first, as he tightened a small screw in the music box he always kept around. Joseph didn’t know where he’d gotten it, but believed it wasn’t his business to ask. He simply watched as Jacob wound the box, getting it to start playing its song. Jacob joined in the melody, softly singing the lyrics without even thinking. When the eldest Seed heard a second voice join him, he turned to see Joseph, and kept an eye on the man as they both sang with the tune of the music box on the desk, until it stopped playing. Without a word, the two older brothers exchanged a nod, and Joseph left the room, going to his own. The Father was simply glad that he was there to bring his brothers comfort through the storm.

[md3artjournal]

7:19 PM 9/3/2020 It's come to my attention that although my reblog text under the cut is hidden from a post's Notes/Replies on Tumblr-desktop, it is all very visible on Tumblr-mobile/phone version.  Ugh.  So I could no longer simply reblog the referenced post, and hide all my comments under a cut.  So here are all my angsting thoughts again, after doodling this drawing, but as a separate post, for my art journal blog.  

10:42 PM 9/2/2020

I don’t even know what I'm doing anymore.  Today, I sat down to draw and I must have wasted 15+minutes, indecisive about what to draw with.  I wanted to just use one of my fountain pens, but

1) Yesterday's line bleeds proved that the Pilot Petit is just not good for my tiny doodles;

2) My only other fountain pen is my Platinum Preppy, but I should be saving that ink for writing in my habit tracker; that's what I bought it for; and it's not so easy to just buy more ink cartridges during this pandemic;

3) My fountain pens' inks are not waterproof? What if halfway through my drawing I decide I want to use half watercolors?  Again?  

So then my safest option was my Copic Gasenfude.  Impervious to water, alcohol marker ink, everything.  But my pen is so dry...  I tested it beforehand, to convince myself it was still fine.  But the test felt very different from the drawing.  During drawing, I missed the smooth flow of my fountain pens sooooooooooo much.  I should've just opened one of my new Gasenfude pens for this drawing.  But I'm too chicken about using up supplies, in general.  x_____x;;;;;;;;;  

What's with my Copic Multiliners?  Do they just bleed more on my cheap sketchbook paper?  Because I remember my lines being fuzzy on the close-up scans too.  Or am I just so out of practice drawing with them now, that all my lines end up stiffer than usual?  Or maybe they're getting dry too?  They are pretty old pens by now.  ~.~;  

*sigh* I miss my fountan pens, but I need waterproof ink for my linework.  x_x;  

I heard that Indian ink is waterproof after it dries, but all my bottles of Indian Ink dried up decades ago.  Plus, all my dip pens are rusty and don't even work with my acrylic inks that I already have.  I don't want to buy more supplies, then they turn out to not really work for me.  I've done that too much already.  ...Though I do have my eye on that Deleter trial dip pens set...and Indian ink sounds too good to be true...  But I have so many supplies lying around, I really should just find a way to use them.  Even if they turned out to not really work for how I naturally think/work, I already spent the money on them.  I should *find* a way to make them work.  I'm so simultaneously wasteful AND cheap with my art supplies! X~x!  

That's also why I want to be able to switch over to cheap $1-store/Daiso watercolors, instead of using up Copic ink on full drawings.  But if I never know when I'm going to need that mid-way medium switch, then I need waterproof/Copic-proof ink.  

Well, no matter the case, it probably wouldn't help my terrible terrible drawing too much.  I mean, today's doodle gave me problems making lines because the ink just would not flow out of my drying Gasenfude pen.  But also, I had to realize that I've become out of practice with true brushpens.  I've been using Copic Sketch and nylon nib "brushpens" all this time, thinking I've stayed in practice.  But bristle brushpens are too different, and I forgot that.  I've become horrible with brushpens, and the Gasenfude used to be my go-to.  x_______x;;;;;

Anyway, nothing about drawing today has been good for my self-esteem.  I made a horrible drawing, that wasn't even pretty, I started too high on the page and too close to yesteray's doodle, so Akira and Ryuji's heads ended up squashed on top, to fit into the page space.  I was reminded how easily I lose skill even with mediums/tools that I used to be competent at.  I proved yet again that I just can't make beautiful drawings---and maybe that's more of an issue of me not actually wanting to be good at drawing.  I didn't want to admit it, but maybe that's something I have to do.  Maybe I don't actually want to become good at drawing.  I hate studying, I can't stand brushing up on human antomy, perspective, gesture motions, all those fundamentals, and every time I force myself to, I get so frustrated, I'm horrible to myself and everyone else around me in real life.  That can't be worth scribbling a bunch of skeletons that end up ugly an reinforcing my low self-esteem anyway.  

My sister commented once that even though being an artist was hard, at least I enjoyed drawing.  At the time, I told her that I don't actually like drawing.  I told her that I liked "having had drawn".  Since then I did find that those statements weren't true.  I have found drawing cathartic, even while I was drawing.  I even felt horrible on days where I didn't get to draw.  I liked drawing.  

...I'm just REALLY REALLY REALLY bad at it, and I have no inclination to put in the hard word to make my drawing better.  But I will spend all day, comparing myself to better fan-artists online, and lamenting how I can never make anything beautiful.  x___x;;;;;;  

So I go around telling people that "I'm actually more of a sculptor than an illustrator", as if distracting to a medium that most people are less familiar with, and that is easier for people like me to make beautiful things, would do anything to help my horrible lack of drawing skills.

I remember, all the times I've tried to learn a new videogame, and I'm inclined to believe tha tmaybe I jsut don't like learning new things.  Even for games that eventually became my favorites, my comforts, my completely intuitive flow states, I was still compeltely frustrated and horrible to be around, while learning.  I shouldn't be surprised then that I don't play videogames as much anymore, even though I'm desperately reluctant to let go of my gamer identity.  But I recall the last party I was invited to, and I was wrangled into learning a new tabletop game.  I was completely against it, all throughout, during, and at every moment.  I was just waiting for it all to end.  I don't think I like games, because learning to play, leaning sets of rules, and functioning within MORE systems, must be the last thing my brain wants to do during leisure time.  I can even remember a few moments when I was obstinately inattentive or simply refusing to abide by office expectations and protocols---and I don't know why!  Why was I just _so_ exasperate and unwilling to put effort into following simple rules?  I'm beginning to I think that maybe as I get older, the less energy I have to learn things.  Which is only a theory, because even when I was younger, I didn't like playing games because I didn't want to learn rules.  Plus, I've always been "someone who loves to learn"...Just academic knowledge and inforational stuff, not games.  Games and human interaction in general, have always been too much work for me to enjoy.  So if there's any reason why I can't get myself to study illustration fundamentals, no matter how much I lament not being able to draw something beautiful (at least to warrant my making a living in artist alley!) then I have to wonder if my inexplicable disdain for learning new rules is the reason.  

I don't even know what I'm writing about.  I think I was originally just hoping that drawing with a new Gasenfude that wasn't drying, would help me draw lines more easily.  x_x;  Please ignore my venting.  

[malignedaffairs]

I have a little question for you... I started university 7 months ago. I thought I would still be able to make a little time to draw. However, I just cannot. I feel tired all the time and I haven't even found my first job. So my question is... How did you cope with this in your university time?

In my case, my study conditions made university an easy time for drawing. But I had a hellish first year on the job and at some points I wondered if I could keep it up, so I think I understand your situation.

I wrote a long-ass reply, here you go :)

When I started drawing again it was after a serious breakup, and even today drawing still functions as a coping mechanism for my complicated feelings towards romantic relationships. It’s like all the art fills a void, my life would be poorer without it. So I’d say the most important aspect is that your drawings are connected to your own central issues and needs! What attracts you? What makes you sad, happy, angry? Where are your dark sides? It’s something worth finding out. And try to accept everything that comes up, as childish or petty as it may seem. If I could have chosen what should have been the thing to really affect me emotionally, it certainly wouldn’t have been Naruto. And yet there I suddenly was, crying rivers about the Uchiha brothers.

A second thing that’s really helpful is to make it a point not to pressure yourself too much. I tell myself that it’s just not important to deliver something good every time. Why did I not choose drawing as a career? Because that gives me the freedom to relax about the quality. When I don’t have the energy to colour (like almost never :D) or do refined linework, I’ll make a half-assed sketch. When I can’t think of a novel concept I’ll just draw the 10237487th kiss because I enjoy drawing kisses. I’ll put that shit up on tumblr even if I’m not 100% convinced. Someone will like it and that’s a big motivation. And most of the time, looking at a “bad” drawing after a good night’s sleep will make you notice that there are parts in that picture that have turned out not quite so bad! The learning curve is very steep!

I also begin every new comic knowing that I might lose interest in the process and stop drawing it. I’ve seen many great artists and writers in the fandom become inactive and it always felt terrible and I’d hate to become one of them and make people as sad as I’ve been. But if I’d let this stop me, I’d still not have started a single doujinshi. An unfinished work can still be important for something I might do afterwards. So I give myself permission to be unreliable. At the same time, I keep my projects manageable. That seems to work.

And lastly, it can be hard to sit down and draw when you’ve already spent most of your day at uni/work sitting, straining your eyes and concentrating. Drawing for hours is exhausting for your body, so to be able to keep up a hobby like this, it’s also important to exercise regularly. Even so, I usually need to reserve a free day for drawing since I’m just too tense after a regular day at work!

I hope I could help you a little. But even if you stop drawing for now, I’m convinced it will come back to you when you need itl. Maybe it turns out that something else is just more urgent in your life right now, and that’s okay too!

[yamababy]

Sketch

Tadashi traced the tiny notes as they slowly appeared on his forearm. The raised red ridges of the musical notes meant nothing to him; he genuinely had no idea what they meant. At 8 years old, learning the complicated symbols of sound had never interested him. Until recently. As of late, the small notes had been appearing on and off every few days. Which meant his soulmate had finally started writing. Tadashi had been drawing to them for as long as he could remember. Flowers, dogs, pictures of people he knew... Anything he could think of to let them know, he was here! An only child who lived with his grandparents, Tadashi had been waiting to meet his soul mate for so long he thought he would burst if it went on any longer. the notes receded slowly as he watched. Rolling over in his bed, and wrapping his blankets closer around him, he wondered what it sounded like. The music of his soul mate. Whether the person was happy or sad; what instrument they played and how old they were; whether they thought about him sometimes too, and enjoyed his pictures. ***** Kei's long fingers, stretched and limber already from 4 years of piano, danced along his ivory keys. The old upright was his most prized possession and the closest to a friend he felt he had. It allowed him to vent and scream and pound into its keys without complaint, and didnt try to comfort or advise him if it wasnt enough to play till his fingers blistered. Kei was a 'difficult' child. An antagonist at his worst. Truthfully, Kei was an anxious child. So anxious his fear radiated into angry energy and vitriol. This, he knew, was not the way to make friends... But, everytime he opened his mouth to a stranger, irregardless of age; out spat bile. He was too young to hate himself the way he did. His comfort came from his skin. The tiny artwork that tattooed him silently and painlessly everyday for most of his life. Beautiful, intricate linework. The fading broke his heart, he wished it would stay forever. He'd never felt talented enough to reply. Even his stick men were wonky. Until he'd realised his talent was under his nose all along. He'd begun to write short melodies on his forearms. His favourites songs, things he's written. Things to show his soul mate who he was. Being 8 years old however, not realising not everyone knew music, it never occured to him that his soul mate didn't understand any of it, no matter how sweet the intent. *****

"Tsukki! Tsukki, wait up!" Tadashi ran after Kei as fast as his tiny legs could carry him, although he was certain his overly tall bestfriend couldn't hear him through his large white headphones. Tadashi reached Kei and gently wrapped his tiny hands around his larger friends wrist. The way Kei flinched at this silent greeting destroyed Tadashi's gentle heart. Kei turned towards Tadashi slowly and removed his headphones with a sigh, as if resigned to whatever was to come next. They locked eyes. "Oh, it's just you, Yamaguchi. Why didn't you shout me?" Kei sneered. "Sorry, Tsukki!" Tadashi beamed, dragging his friend towards the park. "I'm not pushing you on the swings this time..." Kei huffed. "Sure you're not, Tsukki!" Tadashi giggled gently, still manhandling his larger friend through the park gates. Kei smiled softly to himself as Tadashi ran, full pelt, at the slide. 'OK, so maybe I will....' he thought. ***** Tadashi pushed through the door of the Tsukishima household, his arms laden with his belongings and snacks for the night, spirits high for the sleepover that night, announcing his presence and removing his shoes with his toes, he traipsed in without being welcomed. He was always welcome here, it was his haven, his safe space. His favourite place in the world. He breathed in the scent. Vanilla and sweet fruit. It smelled like Tsukki here. Or Tsukki smelt like the house... Either way it was wonderful. He heard distant piano from the dining room; which meant Tsukki was definitely here. Whatever it was he was playing, it was wonderful, soft and bittersweet, flowing like water over him as he took his time making his way down the hall. He'd hate to disturn Tsukki while he was playing. He always looked so calm and content while his fingers danced over keys reading notes Tadashi still couldn't read. He'd thought many times about asking Tsukki to teach him piano, or at least to read the sheet music, but the idea of being even more of a burden was too much for him to cope with. As he approached the slightly ajar door, the velvety music came to a close. Then his left arm tingled the way it does when your soulmate sends you a message. There they were again. The beautifully drawn and prepared notes. He'd die to hear them. He peeked through the door jamb. Tsukki was writing in blue ink on his forearm. He was writing music notes. On his left forearm. NO. NOT TSUKKI. NOT A BOY. Tadashi's chest constricted. He was certain he was going to suffocate right there in the hallway, surrounded by video games and chocolate bars aged 13 years old. This was awful. He couldn't tell him. Never. They're friendship was everything to him. Maybe they were platonic soulmates? That could be a thing right? HE'D never met platonic soulmates before, or heard of them but they MUST be a thing....? Oh god no. "Yamaguchi? Why are you skulking around in my hallway?" Kei had heard the clatter of Tadashi's things hitting the floor. Tadashi's head whipped around so fast he felt his neck crack. "Sorry, Tsukki! I dropped some things..." Tadashi could feel his face burning, how humiliating. Kei clicked his tongue and bent down to retrieve the items that littered his floor. Tadashi could only stare. Tsukki was actually really attractive, in a tall, lanky, snarkier-than-thou, kind of way. Tadashi had always admired Kei's personality. that was no secret. Kei golden orbs suddenly invaded his private reverie. Since his recent growth spurt, Tadashi no longer stood quite so far below Kei's shoulder. His forehead could comfortably brush Kei's chin. But when Kei tilted his head forward, and all but glared into his freckled visage, Tadashi suddenly felt very, very small all over again. His breathe caught in his throat and his heart hammered a racy rhythm against his chest. "Are you ok, Dashi?" Kei asked, barely a whisper. 'DASHI. Oh god.' Tadashi all but shivered at the childhood nickname. it was his weakness. Tsukki only used it when they were alone; and even then it was sparing. "I'm fine, Tsukki." His voice sounded disconnected from his body. He was honestly just glad of how secure it sounded compared to the internal mess he was caging. "Well... Ok then. If you're fine you won't mind me handing you your ass in mario kart then, will you?" A rare smiled ghosted across Kei's surprisingly plump lips and he pushed off the wall behind Tadashi's head, grabbing bits and pieces from the floor as he passed them, headed to his room. Tadashi gathered the rest of his things together in a daze before following.

In the bathroom, later that night, Tadashi took his favourite marker in with him and, under the guise of a shower, he drew more than ever before. Every inch he could reach was covered in the things he loved. French fries from his favourite fast food place, a couple tiny dogs chasing after a ball, flowers and beautifully decorated cakes like the ones in his grandparents bakery that Tsukki loved so much, he even drew a few books upon a shelf; their tiny titles too small to read. He drew till his hand ached, his way of thanking Kei for the music. Knowing who write the miniscule notations suddenly made them so much more important. Tadashi knew what music really meant to Kei. It was his life the way art was Tadashi's home. He suddenly understood the time and effort Kei would have spent making sure that every note was perfect, every song choice immaculate. His taste had always been impeccable. And that was the shame of it. Kei had always had such high standards. Tadashi may pass the friendship test, but with his freckled mess of chubby cheeks and unruly hair, he was far from a catch. His one redeeming feature were his olive eyes. Even he liked them, but that didnt mean Kei would. He knew that as soul mates they were destined to fall in love. Or were already in love, or something. He didn't really understand the whole thing. Tadashi stripped the last of his clothes and stepped under the shower head, scrubbing at the remnants of his love, removing any trace that might let Kei in on his secret. A secret he intended to keep. He could love him from where he was, and that was fine.

Kei stared in awe at his arms, legs, stomach and chest. His body tingled everywhere, the miniature art gallery that was his skin alive with his soul mates creations. Kei didn't know who they were, but their skin sketches had kept him alive some nights. When he'd been lonely as a child, they'd been there so send him some joy. A smile, an unexpected laugh, it didn't matter where they really where to Kei, they'd been there to HIM. He couldn't care less who they were either, as long as they drew for him everyday, anything. He lived only for the day he could see more than sketches that faded in minutes. He wanted something permanent, something he could hold on to. God he hoped they felt the same. ***** Tadashi woke up alone to the sound of music. Typical. Even on a Sunday Kei couldn't sleep past 7. Tadashi hauled ass out of bed and slipped on a jumper. Kei house was always so cold in the morning. He glared, bleary eyed, at the bedside clock. 7:18am. Of course it was. He stole some socks from Kei's drawer and dragged them onto his frozen feet, then made his way down the stairs to the diningroom. Things had been oddly awkward between them last night. Tadashi couldnt keep calm and Kei had been even more quiet than usual. Tadashi still couldnt resist spying on Kei playing piano though. It was a guilty pleasure of his. Watching Kei lithe fingers glide over every key in a way Tadashi knew was NOT effortless style. Memorizing the lines of Kei's face as he near grimaced into his sheet music like it owed him a favour. Tadashi had been watching for longer than he could really remember. How could he not have known before yesterday how he felt? "Tsukki?" Tadashi spoke before he really realised it was happening. "Hmmm..." Kei continued to play as he answered, his concentration clearly somewhere else. Tadashi crept across the room and slide into the space beside Kei on the stool. "Will you teach me piano?" He asked, hesitant. Kei's hand still and the room dropped into silence for the smallest of moments before he laughed. "Finally. Honestly, Yamaguchi, how anyone can go so long without learning an instrument is beyond me." Kei almost smiled as he shuffled his music. "Is now ok?" Tadashi beamed. "Sure. Not like there's anything better to do on a Sunday?" ***** Tadashi rans his eyes down his sheet music. The notes ringing in his mind as the bus jostled down the bumpy street. His pen tapped a steady rhythm against his knee and he counted pace. He was sure something was off about the beat but he couldn't pinpoint it. "Its in 4/8; not 4/4." Kei whispered into Tadashi's ear. Tadashi glanced back at the sheet and read it in the new rhythm. Kei was right. He sighed and shoved it back in his bag, he could work on it later, if he let Kei anywhere near it he'd 'fix' it. He pulled out his sketch pad and very deliberately turned so that Tsukki wouldn't be able to see what he was doing. Tadashi had very recently become addicted to watercolour pencils; he liked the way he could work on something and then adjust the colours together later. He'd also become obsessed with painting other peoples portraits, not that he'd ever tell anyone he was doing so. He just loved the people faces could convey so much emotion with a mere quirk of a brow, or the tiniest smile. It was through painting he'd finally begun to understand Kei's tiny shows of emotion. They were admittedly miniscule, but they were there. They were Tadashi's favourite things to draw. His sketchbook was a closed gallery of one Tsukishima Kei's internal reportoire. He'd been aware of his and Kei's soulmate status for almost 3 years now, and as far as he knew, Kei was still entirely oblivious. And that was how he wanted to keep it. At least for now. The bus pulled up to Fukurodani and Tadashi packed away his things. Time for training camp. "Coming, Yamaguchi?" Kei held out his hand to help Tadashi out of his window seat. Tadashi grasped it as gently as he could, he already had an unhealthy attachment to those hands... He couldn't afford to be creepy. Kei grabbed his own bag from the overhead stoarage and led the way off the bus; they were, as usual, the last off. Tadashi didn't dwell on the fact that Kei hadn't let go of his hand yet. ***** Tadashi's entire body ached. It hurt in places he didn't know he even had until today. Coach Ukai was a monster, a monster encouraged by the rampaging lunatics he'd called team mates. Training camp had never been like this in Amemaru. It was barely 10pm, but everyone in Karasuno was asleep already, exhausted from their hectic day. He could literally FEEL Tanaka and Asahi snoring, their soft palettes flapping in their throats. Good god they should see a doctor... That couldn't be healthy. Kei turned to face Tadashi in his bedroll and scooted, ever so subtly closer to his best friend. "What's up, Tsukki?" Tadashi whispered, even his throat protesting at the usage. "Can't sleep. It's so uncomfortable here." Kei croaked. He'd never been particularly good at the whole whispering thing. "Wanna get in with me?" Tadashi asked, without really having noticed what he said until it was too late. "I-I mean, we could share and put one bedroll on top of the other... to make it comfier... not, like, ya know." "No. I dont know. Explain it to me, Yamaguchi." Kei replied, the mirth lacing his voice sending a shiver straight to Tadashi's already sore heart. "Just, that, we're friends... So, it isn't weird. We shared a bed all the time as kids." Tadashi finished, lamely. He fought the urge to pull his blankets up over his face in shame. "No offence here, Dashi, but I think we're a little too tall to share nowadays, we'd have to really squish up against eachother." Kei leant over Tadashi's face to whisper into his ear. And there it was. That crazy thumping rhythm his heart beat against his ribs whenever Kei called him Dashi. The room was suddenly far too hot, small and awkward for his liking. "Yeah-yeah, you're-uh-you're right..." Tadashi mumbled into his hands, he had lost his battle against hiding his face, and was melting into his own embarrassment, face ablaze. Damage done, Kei lay back against his own bed roll and yawned. "Night, Yamaguchi." He breathed, and rolled away. Tadashi didn't reply. He thought it best that way. ***** Stupid Kuroo. Stupid, Ugly, Horrible, Asshole Kuroo. Capital letters for emphasis. How dare he touch Kei. How dare Kei let him! UCK! So maybe he was overreacting. Soulmate or not, he did not in any way OWN Kei; but that did not stop him being upset. It was only a hug, he reasoned with himself as he served the ball straight into the net. His palm was on fire. He'd long since stopped caring that the skin was cracking and bleeding in some places. It must have been at least 6 hours he'd been here. He knew he'd missed dinner and that everyone was probably already back at the lodge by now. He simply didn't care. They obviously hadn't noticed his lack of presence. Kei clearly hadn't either. Well, forget them. He had volleyball serves to do. "Yamaguchi!" Hinata threw open the gym door like a hurricane. "We've all been looking for you for hours! We thought Tsukishima was gunna cry! You should have seen it! Kiyoko-san and Yacchan took him back to the lodge to calm him down. He thought you'd run away." Hinata half-yelled as he dragged Tadashi back towards the 1st gym. ***** "DASHI, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!? WHAT THE HELL WERE THINKING ITS ALMOST 11 O'CLOCK AT NIGHT!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!?!" Kei practically screamed in Tadashi's face the moment he entered the lodge kitchen. Tadashi almost toppled over and suffocated when Kei lunged at him and forced him into what was admittedly a rather comforting hug. "I... I just... lost track of time I guess." Tadashi lied, poorly, trying to hide his swollen, bloody palm behind his back without making it obvious. He failed. "What happened to your hand?" Kei asked, still infuriated as he gripped Tadashi's wrist and pulled him to the sink. "Too many serves..." Tadashi hissed as the cold water hit his hand. He could feel the other team member staring at them. It had to stop, he hated being stared at. "You need to be more careful, you always overwork yourself. It's not healthy, you stress yourself out and you're always getting sick or you end up like -" "Shut up, Tsukki." Tadashi near whispered. Kei stopped dead, then looked Tadashi straight in the eyes and smiled. "Sorry, Yamaguchi." he said, deadpan as he handed Tadashi a tea towel to dry his hand while he went to get bandages. Tadashi turned towards his team mates, their mouths agape and still as statues. "I'm sorry for worrying you all. It won't happen again." He smiled at them as Kei took his hand back and began to wrap it for him. ***** Kei stared at his left arm. The floral vines wrapping from his wrist to his elbow becoming more and more detailed as time went on. Whoever his soul mates was, they desperately intrigued him. They'd been drawing more recently. He was becoming more and more vehement that he needed to find them lately as well. He knew he could just ask them who they were.  He could just write the question on his arm and have done with it, but that ruined it somehow. They deliberately never exchanged words, he didnt want to change anything. But he also really, really did. Maybe he could make it a game. Like 20 questions. Then use the information to find them. He rummaged through his dresser, in search of a pen, then waited for the vine on his arm to recede back into his skin. 'How old are you?' he wrote, his breath caught in his chest. What if they didnt reply? He waited almost 20 minutes before a single strawberry appeared, followed by 14 more, then, almost as an after thought, a half strawberry at the end of the row. He literally laughed. 15 and a half, well that was one way to reply. "Do you live in Japan?" He knew it was sometimes possible for soulmates to be across the world from one another. He waited again, 10 minutes this time. A squiggled shape appeared on his arm, when it was done he realised it was a small map of japan, with what looked like miyagi prefecture circled. "In Miyagi?" He replied, hopeful. That meant they were close by. He was still in the process of wiping the ink off his arm when the smiling face appeared on his inner wrist. "I wonder if we've met." He writes back. He waited 4 hours. They didn't reply again. ***** He couldnt write back. Kei knew his handwriting as well as he knew Kei's. Tadashi put his head in his hands and sighed. Why would he start writing now? Kei had been weird since they'd returned from camp. He'd been weird AT camp too, ever since Tadashi had gone 'missing' for those few hours. Kei had always been... Affectionate. Physically speaking. Not with anyone else, or in public, which honestly Tadashi appreciated, but he'd always liked to climb into Tadashi bed during sleepovers, or drag Tadashi into his. It was easier to watch movies that way, he'd always reasoned, when Tadashi questioned it. He'd also liked to hold Tadashi hand sometimes when they were sitting on the couch together, or cuddle up to Tadashi from behind when he cooked for them, which was often as Kei's cooking usually ended with the emergency services. But lately it'd been more frequent. He'd figured out when they were children that this was how Kei made up his brash personality and was not an indication of anything else, but nowadays Tadashi had been doing everything he could to avoid being alone with Kei. He had to make sure he didn't slip up; like suddenly shoving his tongue down Kei's throat the next time he smiled at him and called him Dashi while they were supposed to be watching Death Note. "SHIT." Tadashi said out loud, to no one in particular. ***** He awoke to the sound of screaming and yelling. "Not again." Tadashi grumbled to himself as something large smashed against the livingroom wall. His grandparents sounded like they were killing eachother. He got up as quietly as he could and made his way down the hall. "YOU! This is all your fault!" His grandfather grabbed his hair from behind and yanked him into the livingroom. "Me? What did I do?" He and his grandparents had never gotten along as well as he would have liked, but this was the first time he'd ever been scared of them. "You killed them. You killed both of them." His grandmother screamed in his face, tears streaming down hers. "What? NO! They died in the fire, Grandma!" Tadashi shouted back, knowing instantly what she meant. It wasn't the first time they'd accused him of having killed his parents. His grandparents continued to scream at him. His heart breaking with every verbal barb. He didn't know what had brought this on at 6am in the morning, but he hated it. He tried to get up and run back to his room, or the front door, either way, he needed outm they pulled him back, every time he attempted to escape their fingers dug into his skin more, finger nails drawing blood from his thin arms, his grandfather, still strong in his old age from his years of being a baker lifted Tadashi effortlessly and threw him against the wall. The impact forcing his chin up and making him taste blood. He wipes blood from his chin and panics, and while his grandmother screams he takes his chance. 'Tsukki, Help me.' the blood dribbles down his arm, and he has no idea if this will work, but its all he has to go on, and he hopes for the best. ***** Kei pours cereal into his dino bowl, the early morning sun filtering through the windows and casting an orange glow against the counter top. He almost ignores the tingle on his arm, spiteful after they ignored him last night. He's glad he doesn't. 'Tsukki, help me.' Messy and smeared with dribbled lines that send terrified shivers up Kei's spine. He'd know that writing anywhere. He leaves the cereal where it is, milk splattered on the surface as he races to the door. His feet can't move fast enough, his heart pounds in his chest as he races barefoot down the 3 blocks to Tadashi's Grandparents bakery. His breath rages in his chest and he's never been so thankful that Daichi forced him to run so often and so hard. He rounds the corner to the bakery so fast he literal skids on the still damp concrete and grazes his feet. He doesn't care, it doesn't matter. Only Tadashi matters right now. He reaches the back stairs to the apart, takes them 2 at a time, and scrambles through the black plantpot for the spare key when he hears the screaming through the letter box. His hands are shaking so badly he can barely fit the key in the lock when he finds it, and practically shoulders the door through the wall. He follows the dull, wet sounds of thudding and crying in the livingroom and finds Tadashi atop his grandfather, his face so covered in blood Kei can barely recognize his bestfriend of 7 years. Tadashi stops and climbs up from his grandfather, who spits at him. "Dashi?" Kei's voice sounds as weak he suddenly feels. "Kei..." Tadashi sobs, "Kei, I'm sorry." He cries as Kei lifts him up and carries him from the room, from the building. He lets him cry all the way back to his own house. He lets him cry while he dresses the cuts and bruises that litter his face, and even while he scraped the dried blood from Tadashi's hands. Kei doesn't speak. Tadashi doesn't need that yet. He places Tadashi into his bed and wraps himself and the blankets around him, then pulls Tadashi's face into his shoulder and strokes his hair till he stops shaking. After a few hours, Tadashi's breathing has settled, and Kei begins to think he may have fallen asleep, except that as he tries to move away, Tadashi's grip on his shirt tightens, and pulls him back. "Don't go... please." Tadashi's voice is coarse. "I'm just going to pee, I'm not gunna leave the freaking country. Chill, ok?" Kei huffs, and hears a tiny chuckle in response. When he's finished in the bathroom, he goes downstairs and gets Tadashi a glass of water, and makes them both some toast, then carries it all upstairs. When he walks back into the room, he finds Tadashi sat up with his back against the pillows and his head on his knees. He places the tray gently on his nightstand and puts a hand in Tadashi's hair. As if to reassure him that he came back. "You hungry?" He asked, softly. Tadashi just shakes his head and sighs into his knees. "Shame... It's got extra butter on it, guess I'll eat it then." he says, poking Tadashi's hand with a slice. Tadashi slowly takes the slice and lifts his head just enough to take a bite, adjusting to cross his legs as he does. "You ok, Dashi?" Kei shuffles into place under the blanket next to Tadashi and hands him his water. "Yeah." Tadashi sounds sore, and tired, but not upset. "Wanna talk about it?" Kei takes back the glass Tadashi hands him and settled back into his pillows. "They think I killed my parents in the fire." "Oh." Kei says. Weren't you like... 2 years old when your parents died?" Kei was desperately trying to remember. Tadashi never spoke about it. "Yeah, some electrical fault or something. But the week before the fire I broke the fire escape window. I don't know how, I was too little to remember that, but I did, so when the fire happened my mum and dad couldn't fit through the gap in the window, so they dropped my favourite teddy and told me to go get him, my downstairs neighbours saw me and took me to the front of the building." Tadashi spoke steadily, as if reading from a page. "I don't really remember much." "I see... But... you were a baby. You clearly didn't do it on purpose." Kei stated, matter-of-factly. "They chose to let you go, they wanted you to be safe because they loved you, and that's not your fault. I get that your grandparents are upset, but what the Hell happened this morning?" "I have literally no idea. I also had no idea I was this strong either. Physically i mean, emotionally I'm somewhere between 9/11 and the Titanic in terms of wreckage, but I'm actually kind of worried I hurt him." Tadashi looked at Kei as he spoke, a pensive look crossing his freckled face. "Dashi. Why didn't you tell me if you knew?" Kei couldn't stop himself asking anymore. "I did tell you. I told you my parents died the first time you came to my house- "That you were my soul mate, Tadashi. You had to have known to send me the message to help you..." Kei sighed. "Oh. That. Right. I thought it was better that way I suppose. I thought-I thought i wasn't... good... enough." Tadashi sputtered. "You absolute moron... Wow." Kei huffed. "I spent 7 years with you for the convenience then, did I?" "Being friends is different than dating!" Tadashi defended himself with a pout and crossed his arms across his chest. "Is it? I don't think so. Not for us anyway. I'm 90% sure we've been halfway dating since middle school. Minus a few things obviously." Kei laughed. Kei slipped his arm behind Tadashi's back and yanked him into his lap. "Well, either way, there is no way in Hell i'm sending you back there. You're just gunna have to move in here with me. Not that anyone would even notice, most of your stuff lives here, and you're here at least 4 or 5 times a week..." Kei nuzzled into Tadashi's neck, the tip of his nose catching the lobe of Tadashi's ear. "I'm not here that much!" Tadashi face blazed, his cheeks aflame as he felt Kei kiss the edge of his jaw. "Do you wanna be?" Kei's lips brushed against Tadashi's ears and he melted into an incoherent puddle right there on the bed. Tadashi could only nod as Kei slotted his lips against his. So this was what home felt like.

actually really enjoyed writing this. sorry its late. and sorry it sucks ass. i tried. please dont hate me..... @akkaai

[onefxrthemoney-blog]

     The purple neon of a sign across the street bled through the blinds of a window, falling in stripes upon a hand that stretched out from underneath a blanket. Rain fell heavily against the window, and the electric hum of a heater mumbled through the otherwise complete silence. It was with a roar of thunder that the creature on the bed curled tighter into their sheets.

    Pandora always hated sleep. Knowing they were burning the precious, limited moments of their life that could’ve been used more productively ate at them, in the same way a blank sheet of paper, or a half-finished book would. Knowledge that they could be doing more, be more than their wasted potential, was a voice they knew intimately.

    But what they hated more, perhaps, was the nights they couldn’t sleep.

Too tired to commit to a distraction, too awake to give into oblivion. Staring at the red numbers of the clock marking the witching hour and feeling as if they must be the only creature in the entire world awake, alone. Their only companion their thoughts.

    That was the worst part, they decided. The moments of vulnerability where voices you’d fought to keep away take the chance to remind you of every mistake, every weakness, every almost- until you’re consumed by what you aren’t. What you’ll never be.

    What a pathetic creature you’ve become.

    It was in the light that they noticed how dark their tattoos were. Unnaturally so, it always felt, as if the markings on their skin was less ink and more the very absence of light. They let their hand dance in the neon, imagining the gleam of the teeth on their wrist, staring back at the eyes that covered them and waited to see if they blinked. They never knew why. It was ink, embedded into their skin in a process that was presumably painful, not that they could remember it. It didn’t move, it didn’t breathe, it was only through clever and too-elaborate linework that gave it the illusion of life.

    And still, a voice persists, they swear they feel constriction when their thoughts stray from their Patron’s cause. Their cause. If there really was a ‘they’ left to believe in anything.

    In three hours an alarm would ring. They were to wake up, begin their day, the same way they had every day before, each feeling less real than the previous. They couldn’t think of what day of the week it was- would be?- or what month they were coming up on. It took too long for them to remember even what year it was, how old they were. What their real name was. Who they were.

    They were scared there wasn’t an answer.

    How are you sure you’re even real?

    They had an answer, of course. I think, therefore, I am, or something like that. Logic told them the cold nipping at their exposed skin, the weight of the blanket that lay on top of them, even the craving in their veins for the needles they knew they kept close by, were all signs of their existence. They could feel. They were real.

    But that acceptance birthed more problems than it solved. They were real, and so were the people they hurt. So were the mistakes they made, and the consequences they had yet to face. They had a life, and choices, and so many things that they failed- no, that they had refused to do while they sat around sulking, indecisively, never committing to anything like the fucking coward that they were.

    They always wanted their life to mean something, but existence was too high a cost. Too heavy a burden.

    They felt tears sting their eyes, and following melancholy was anger. They weren’t going to cry, they weren’t going to cry-

    Fuck.

    The rain fell softer, from the sharp pangs of droplets striking glass to a steady trickle. The thunder sounded distant, now, and no longer shook in their ribs as it roared. They could hardly move, barely even motivate themselves to draw breath, every ounce of energy dissipated, possibly soaked into their pillowcase along with their tears. It was nearing sunrise, now, or, what passed for sunrise in this weather. They wondered, briefly, if they could just die here. Just close their eyes and… stop.

    They were too vain, of course, to go through with it. They’d learned from their previous mistake how difficult it was to clean up blood, and the thought of being found after an overdose, the thought of Alycia finding-

    No. They wouldn’t go through with it, so much as hope that maybe just giving up would be enough to tempt the reaper they knew hounded them so. But the minutes passed, and stretched to hours, and still they lived. Still, they existed.

    Their alarm rang, an annoying scream to break the quiet of the night. A new day was set to begin. They withdrew their hand from the exposed air, back into the cocoon of blankets they surrounded themselves with, and rolled over, turned away from the neon signs that betrayed signs of life beyond their own. They curled up close against the wall.

    Just a little longer.

[smashdraws]

The things I’ve learned from art school: part 1/?

I’m a second year illustration student, and I’m here to share with you pearls of wisdom from what I’ve experienced and learned in college (so far), from the actual drawing process to attitudes about art/drawing. Most of these things I’ve learned the hard way, and some are from things I’ve seen others struggle with. 

The most work you should be doing in your drawing process is thumbnails/sketching stage.

“There’s no point in finishing a drawing if it’s flawed from the beginning”. That’s what my Composition & Transparent Media professor constantly told us. During our first piece of the semester, he had us stay on the sketching and redrawing stage for a little over a month in order to perfect them. He wanted to make sure the perspective was right, composition was pushed to its fullest, details were added to make every space interesting, the whole shebang. Obviously you’re probably not going to spend a whole month redrawing a piece over and over every time you draw, especially if it’s a time-sensitive project or just a personal piece you’re doing for funsies. However, the sketching stage is where most of the creativity happens. You have to decide on composition, scale, design elements, characters and how they’re positioned in the space, environment, and so much more. And I’d be willing to bet that you won’t get it right the first time.

Give yourself projects when you aren’t in school.

It helps with artist block. The summer between freshman and sophomore year of school I could probably count the number of drawings I did on one hand. To be fair, I was working two jobs 6 days a week so i didn’t exactly have a lot of time, but I found that once I got out of school I had zero drive or ideas. Without assignments from class to draw for, I had nothing to draw, and when I got back to school for sophomore year I had a lot of trouble getting inspired again. It made the beginning of the year really hard for me. Find something, ANYTHING, to draw while you’re out of school, even if you draw fanart for one thing all summer, at least you’re still drawing. 

If a character in your drawing is reminiscent of another character/too generic, think about altering it- especially if it’s a work that focuses on said character.

This really only applies for artists who’s focus/career is character design, but it’s still relevant to others. As painful as it is to hear, it means you might not be pushing your concepts enough. I took a class on Concept Art, and the first assignment was character design. A few of mine were deemed too generic looking, and one was too reminiscent of an existing character. It really hurt to hear, especially since I pride myself on character design and they were for a story I’ve had in development for over 6 years. It really made me feel like shit and made me not want to develop the characters further. But I needed to hear it, and I had to continue developing them for the class, so I ended up overhauling and redesigning the characters until they didn’t seem like the same ones anymore in order to make them more interesting. I hated it, but it’s what I had to do. 

That being said, things like this really make you think about distinguishing your characters and art from others out there. It’s essentially impossible to be 100% original, but that doesn’t mean you cant try your damnedest to make your ideas as close to original as they can get without getting overcomplicated.

When designing characters, mix up the body shape and facial features.

This one is kind of specific, but still important since character design is an important element of illustration. If you don’t vary things up you’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’ from your professors and peers. And frankly, its boring as hell when someone’s characters all look the same. This is something I see a lot, and I can never get attached to an individual character cause they all looked the same! I found that it happens a lot with male characters, they all have defined abs to some degree and perfectly toned arms and honestly, it gets boring when all of someone’s male characters have the same body type. As for face, there is literally no excuse. There are SO MANY KINDS OF FACES MAN. Round, rectangular, circular, heart-shaped, squared. People can have hooked noses, upturned noses, tiny cute noses. Even eyebrows- arched, flat, thick, waxed, faint, or bold. You’re allowed to have preferences for what kind of bodies you like to draw, but don’t be afraid to branch out!

Develop your own style.

As an artist, you need your own style. Imitating other artist’s styles isn’t going to get you far in school or the real world, and chances are, your peers will call you out if your style looks too much like another established artist’s. In order to make a living and gain clients you need a style that you make unique, taking inspirations and aspects from other styles and squishing them together to make one amazing art style baby. Your art style will probably be the deciding factor in whether or not your client hires you! 

Tracing references is OK when appropriate.

As long as it isn’t for a published or commissioned piece, there is absolutely no harm in tracing references. In your down time take some pictures of yourself or find some online and go ahead and trace ‘em. Really pay attention to how the body actually is, how the perspective on legs work, how that hand is foreshortened. Do this enough and you’ll find yourself thinking about all that when you’re drawing normally!

There will always be students better than you, you just gotta accept it.

It’s just a fact of life, unfortunately. When you’re a freshman, you’re in classes with only freshman for your foundation year. You and your peers are all on the relatively same level. What had affected me starting my second year (and I didn’t realize it until much later) was that now that I was in classes with upperclassmen, who had a year or two’s worth of experience on me, I felt as id my art was not up to par. It’s easy to forget your classmates are not just from your grade anymore, especially in electives. All of the electives I took had mostly Juniors and a few Sophomores, and my work always didn’t quite have that polish and finesse to it yet that the upperclassmen’s did have. It’s just a fact of life that you’ll always be up against artists who are more skilled than you , but thats because they have more or different experiences. You have to keep in mind that you can’t compare yourself to them, since it isn’t fair to you that you’re comparing yourself to someone who may have 3+ years on you. 

Learn realism to some extent- figures, animals, everything.

You don’t have to like it, but you can always tell when an artist never learned it because their figures are always off. There is a difference between stylizing and not knowing, and it’s almost always evident. You can see it in the way hands are drawn, noses are rendered, and how they shape and place breasts. Do pages of body studies focusing on hands, feet, leg muscles, back arches, faces, all kinds of stuff. You’ll thank yourself later. 

Your professors and peers will know when you don’t put in your best effort.

They’ll know when you aren’t pushing yourself because you’ll make fundamental mistakes. Slightly imperfect coloring, wiggly linework that wasn’t done quite carefully enough, not bothering to fix those damn feet in the finish. They always know, somehow...even if you’re careful with your laziness.

Buying expensive materials is usually worth it.

It may cost more but your work will benefit from it, and they last so, so much longer. I had to buy 3 brushes when my techniques class was doing watercolor, and in total they costed over $100. I found as I used them that since they were hair brushes and not synthetic, they held so much more pigment and water, and I could get a much finer tip. I was incredibly lucky that my professor provided the paint, which could go up to $20 a tube for some colors with the brand he had. Paper is also something worth splurging on, because let me tell you I have had disastrous effects when using shitty (coughCANSONcough) watercolor paper. The 9x12 paper block I bought for class was $30, and it was the best paper i’ve ever worked on. Absolutely worth the money and I will be buying that brand for projects from now on. And the best thing about all these is that they’ll last forever! 

You NEED to find ways to get excited about a project you hate, because you’re gonna have to do a lot of them.

If you don’t find ways to get excited about projects you’re not too thrilled to do, you’ll never succeed. I learned this in my freshman year very fast, because man oh man were there some projects I couldn’t have cared less about. If you can, gear the project towards one of your interests without compromising the purpose or assigned subject. 

I hope this advice can help some folks! Art school is a lot of tough love, and a lot of stepping 300 yards out of your comfort zone (sometimes by force). But they key is to not be afraid of trying new things! You’ll find things you absolutely hate doing, and will never want to do ever again if you can help it, and you’ll find things that you’ll love to do. It’s all about keeping an open mind!

Keep drawing, keep learning, keep creating.

[templeofgeek]

We spoke with Brandon Keeney!  His ultra detailed art caught our eye and we’re looking forward to seeing him at Wondercon this weekend!

Q.  Out of college you were a 2D animator and then realized everything shifted to CG, what was it like coming to that realization?

I made the realization about halfway through my college courses in Media Arts and Animation, and it was a little sad. I fell in love with the look and feel of traditional animation when I was a kid, but I didn’t really understand the process until I took started taking classes. I immediately fell in love with the process and focused all my school work around it. To have that introduction and spark of passion followed by the constant reminders that it was a dying art form was tough. During my senior year I tried to shift focus towards Flash animation because it combined computers and elements of hand drawn, but the technology at the time wasn’t far enough along to bridge the gap for me. I think if we had been using Cintiqs and drawing directly on the computer screen it would have helped, but the only tablets we had sat on the desk while we looked at the monitors and created a disconnect from the screen and your hand. It also consisted of a lot of shape manipulation and less with drawing.This made the process feel very unnatural to me.

Q.  After that realization is that what led you to selling your art?

Shortly after graduation I was introduced to sketch cards on E-Bay. My mom actually discovered them and sent me the information, thinking it was something I’d enjoy doing. I saw artists creating tiny illustrations and paintings and selling them to consumers. Through sketch cards I met many talented artists who were making it work as self employed freelancers. I think that was the primary motivation: to be able to take and pursue the jobs I want and not to have to work for someone else.

Q.  Are you anti-CG or have you started to embrace it?

I don’t ever remember disliking CG, or the look of it. The process just never inspired me like traditional art did. Even now, when I work digitally I incorporate traditional techniques and even scan in textures and my penciled linework. Moving 3D shapes around in software just didn’t evoke that same passion in me. The amount of time I had to spend troubleshooting, or learning the software and rendering the scenes drove me crazy. I do love the stuff that is being done with CG though. I think around the time of Tangled, when Glen Keane was trying to incorporate a lot of hand drawn stuff into the production of the film, that CG movies reached an upper echelon of beauty and movement that I hadn’t really seen before that.

Q.  Which came first for you the geeky stuff or the art?  And when did you combine the two?

They both came at a very early age. I was drawing in elementary school. I would draw non-stop, all kinds of things, but my favorite things to draw were X-Men and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I grew up around art and it always felt natural to grab a pencil and draw the stuff I was interested in, and what I was interested in was comics and cartoons.

Q.  You’re a fan of Star Wars and baseball… can we see them combined in your art in the future?

Ha! That certainly is an interesting idea, albeit has never crossed my mind before. I can’t say it’s impossible, but I’m not sure I’ll be drawing Star Wars baseball illustrations anytime soon.

  Q. What’s one tip you’d like to give young artists out there?

Don’t give up. Keep drawing, keep learning, keep struggling, and keep failing. People always tell me I have such “talent” but I constantly remind myself that it is skill, and it is from decades of practicing and making mistakes. Sometimes making the same mistakes over and over and over. It’s not like I could just draw well the second I picked up a pencil, it took a lot of time, and I’ve had a lot of ups and downs with art. The successful artists are the ones who never give up.

Q.  The incredible detail in your art really stands out to me, some of it you can see every intricate pencil stroke… how long does the average piece take you? Are you also super obsessive about every detail?

The amount of time I spend on a piece varies considerably. If it’s a portrait with no background I typically spend between 5-10 hours on it, but that changes based on size and medium. Anything more complicated than a single face take considerably longer to finish. Oil paintings take FOREVER to finish because of the drying time between layers. Often times it will take me weeks or months to finish an oil painting because I need to wait several days for it to dry between layers. I prefer to work in acrylic because it dries much faster and I can get in and get to the details sooner. I’m not obsessive, but I know what I like and when something doesn’t look right I will re-work it over and over until I think it does.

Q.  In 2014 you were forced to work out of your comfort zone to make larger pieces… are you still uncomfortable with that? and are you pushing yourself to be more uncomfortable?

As I said before, I started doing illustration consistently with sketch cards which measure 2.5″ x 3.5″ and I would squeeze as much detail as possible into them. Once I pushed myself to work larger I found it hard to break away from that micro detail and focus on the larger picture. Not only that, but it was difficult for me to fill large areas of space and make it look interesting. Now for the past 3 years or so I have been working primarily between 8×10 and 11×14 and I find it much harder to go back to sketch cards. I am much looser and happier with large pieces and working larger is far more forgiving. What I mean by that is that if I draw an eye a fraction of an inch off in a large size, it still looks like a the character, however if I make that same error on sketch card it is amplified because the details are so small. I’m constantly trying to push myself and lately I’ve been working 11×17 and trying to create designs that work not only on paper but on t-shirts and enamel pins. As an artist you aren’t doing your job if you aren’t constantly trying to grow.

Q.  What do you love and hate about cons?

Conventions are great. My girlfriend Karen Hallion is the one who introduced me to them. We met each other at my first convention. At the time I hadn’t planned on doing anymore, but she convinced me to travel and start displaying my artwork. I am grateful for that because I have seen so many places, and met so many awesome people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise. My favorite aspect of them is just seeing and talking to people. I spend 5 months of the year holed up painting, so when convention season rolls around I am desperate to socialize! I’m so grateful to be able to do what I do, and to be surrounded by others who are passionate about their fandoms and art is just an incredible experience.

My least favorite aspect of conventions is traveling with all my gear. I get very anxious about the logistics, so getting taxis and checking bags with all my prints and heavy suitcases stresses me out. It always works out though so maybe one day I’ll get over it.

Q.  Where can our readers find you next?

Here’s a list of confirmed shows I will be attending this year:

WonderCon – March 23-25

C2E2 – April 6-8

MegaCon Orlando – May 24-27

Denver Comic Con – June 15-18

San Diego Comic Con (Tentative) – July 18-22

Boston Comic Con – Aug 10-12

Come out and say hi!

Artist Spotlight… Brandon Kenney We spoke with Brandon Keeney!  His ultra detailed art caught our eye and we're looking forward to seeing him at Wondercon this weekend!

[jackreevesgad]

Week 5, 24/10/2016 - 30/10/2016; Final Designs

So by the end of last week I had a solid design for a weapon that I was happy to go with, so this week I wanted to push the boundaries a little and almost have a bit of fun with the task! The weapon I had already designed (crazy angle grinder tractor wheel), was quite a safe option as it fit the brief pretty well so I wanted to make something a little more over the top. When I was younger I had a plumbing pipe that had a chamber attached to the end of it. The chamber was filled with a flammable spray like deodorant or hairspray which would then be lit with a spark plug, causing a huge wave of kinetic energy which would shoot things out of the pipe. Ignoring how highly irresponsible it was, I thought it was a cool idea for a weapon. It could be easily made and fuelled out of commonly found materials which made it feasible in my head.

This was a little mind-map I made with a few examples of the tubing I mentioned, along with weapons that would fit the structure. I was noting down how the different things I could adjust such as the size and the configuration of the piping along with some initial sketches. I started off by making them fairly close to reality but with each design I made it more over the top adding a bit of my own touch to it. The top right is the most conventional RPG shoulder mounted type weapon. Top left is a based off a mortar, bottom left is a turret type thing and bottom right is a huge pipe mounted on a car chassis; creating a sentry type weapon. The designs are completely exaggerated and probably not practical at all but as I mentioned earlier I already had a safe design to fall back on if these didn’t work.

Here are the sketches after a bit of cleanup work, which allowed me to create the final designs below; I scrapped two of the ideas (car turret and shoulder mounted). The shoulder mounted RPG cannon was something that is already present in the world so I found it pretty uninspiring, and the car turret wasn’t working at all. The linework was overly messy and no matter how much I cleaned it up it wasn’t reading as well as the others. Plus it was totally impractical! It was fun creating these but I did decide to go ahead with the original idea of the power tools as I felt it fit the brief a lot better and in a real world scenario it was much more feasible. Plus I ended up hating the murky brown colour palette!

Final model sheet of the angle grinder weapon I made last week. This model sheet is extremely basic and still needs some work (like a diagram on how the spikes at the front are attached), but it’s at a decent level for now. I also want to thicken up the blade a bit to make it more durable looking. There is a reading week after task 3 however, so I’m going to put this project to the side for now to focus on the new task. I’ll polish up the work from tasks 1 and 2 during that week.

Conclusion

Task two was interesting. As I’ve mentioned pretty much all the work I do is environmental stuff so it was quite a refreshing change to do something totally different. Although the model sheet isn’t quite finished I’m glad with the way it came out. If I could do the task again I would have maybe iterated on my original design a little more as I felt it could have been a lot better and whilst I certainly don’t consider the work I did in the final week a waste I felt the time could have been better spent working on it. This learning curve is something I can take into the next task however as it is something that is totally transferrable and is not bound to specific tasks/designs. I also want to start writing about how I think I am meeting the criteria so I can be sure that my work is relevant and on the right path.

BA3b Pre-Production/Dissertation

In terms of ba3b prep work, I put it to the side this week because I was focusing more on the research report draft due in a few weeks. I can write the draft in two formats; one complete chapter along with a short introduction and conclusion followed by short summaries of the remaining chapters or three larger chapter summaries. At the moment I’m lenient towards writing three chapter summaries as it will allow me to get feedback on the whole report and not just one chapter, so this week I drafted up a chapter breakdown which includes a summary of what I will do along with a few research questions and theory for each. I’ll post that separately in my research journal! I did however write a short analysis of a game called The Journey which I touched on briefly last week as it’s a game that I feel will heavily influence the design of my project through the game’s method of connecting with the player through the environment. I plan on doing a lot of research on environmental storytelling so I can really emphasis the meaning behind my project.