#i hate hate hate the thought of posting alter art again and having a stranger come around and say 'hey i think ur from my timeline' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thedamageofherdays · 3 years ago

Text

This week's (16-08-2021 - 22-08-2021) reading log is here. This week's reading log is super duper long and filled with lots of good things (my apologies for the long post, I really could not find a good spot to do a read more). I discovered some new favourites and re-read some old favourites and while I had an intense week personally at least the fics I read were absolutely phenomenal. I do recommend checking out the warnings as some fics are a bit heavier/angstier and you might wanna be prepared. Most of these fics are Stucky but there are a couple of other ships in between.

If you are looking for more fun and/or good things make sure to check out the @marveldisabilitycelebration as well to see all the awesome art, fics, meta, etcetera people created! And while I am mentioning events I am a mod for let me also just quickly mention that sign-ups for the @stuckygiftexchange are still open until the end of the month <3

Favourites are marked with a 🌻 Fics that are only available to AO3 users are marked with a 🔒 and Tumblr fics are marked with a 🍀

🌻 The Bends by dreamsinthewitchouse @dreamsinthewitchouse [Danbeau, side Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

Memory is not a house you can just walk back into after finding the key you thought you’d lost. It’s a thing you wade into and out of, rewriting it as it rewrites you.

It’s not without its rewards, either - recovering a memory about Maria and Monica, about her life, feels better than socking a thousand bad guys in the face, better than all the photon blasts in the world.

Then again, realising there’s still memories she can’t access, even after all this time, feels like drowning in space.

Not the one out there - the one inside her.

🌻 Sweet & Salty by musette22 @musette22 [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]

Idiots in love. That's it. That's the fic.

When life gives you lemons by moonythejedi394 @moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 34k words, Explicit] (11/15 chapters)

Or 13 Terrible Things to Do With Lemons Other Than Making Lemonade

Steve Rogers is a home health nurse. He works for an agency, which assigned him to the aging Winifred Barnes, the one and only Silent Era Hollywood darling. As her needs increased, she requested the agency assign Steve to her full-time. She could pay for it, so she got it. Steve then moved in with her, becoming her caregiver; he cooked, he cleaned, he managed her medications, he made sure she was comfortable.

Winifred's children treated him less than ideally. He was the help, after all. And then Steve had the audacity to go and turn out to be eldest son James Barnes's soulmate. No one saw that coming.

🍀 SamRhodey Tumblr Fic by ipoiledi [SamRhodey, ? words, Teen?]

“Wilson, this is Rhodey; Rhodey, Wilson,” Tony Stark says, and suddenly some six foot tall sexy guy is shoved right in front of Sam, and they both stumble a little, bumping into each other. This is a crowded party. “You guys have things in common, right?” Stark asks. “Uh, Army stuff. Talk about that. I hate wallflowers; stop wallflowering and talk to each other.”

Shorteralls by moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 6k words, Explicit]

The first time Bucky ever saw Steve Rogers, he was struck by how Neanderthal-like his response was. It was immediately followed by a bout of mental scolding. The second time was just about the same. The third time, it was actually appropriate for Bucky to start a conversation with him, at which point he was determined to be the gentleman.

No such luck. Steve Rogers is, always has been and always will be, a relentless flirt. These days, Bucky's Neanderthal-ist feelings about Steve are consensual and highly appreciated. More so now that they're having a baby.

what the fuck are perfect places anyway by tigerlilycorinne [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

Steve clears his throat and stands. “Well, I should head in. I might want to begin packing.”

Bucky stills. “You won’t,” he says, trying to sound commanding. It only comes out uncertain. “Don’t.”

Steve shakes his head. “Maybe not tonight,” he says, and Bucky knows they’ll be discussing this again soon.

“Then stay. Play… play cards with me or something.”

Steve’s eyebrows jump up, his mouth tugging up in another of his bemused smiles that do things to Bucky’s insides, but he drops his hand from the doorway and steps back into Bucky’s room. Somehow, Bucky feels as if he’s won—not the war, just the battle.

Steve won’t stay forever. But he’ll stay for cards.

Steve and Bucky, on the run after Civil War (with a few alterations to canon), are laying low in Wakanda. But they can’t stay there forever.

🌻 honestly thought i’d be dead by now, but what you can trust is that i need your touch by moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 105k words, Explicit]

Bucky is 37 years old; he’s unmarried, hasn’t had a Sub of his own, is definitely not ripped, comfortable at his job as an Advanced Practice RN at Brooklyn General ER, and just got his Five Years coin from AA.

Steve is 26 years old; he’s unmarried, his last and only Dom has Alzheimer's, he's worryingly muscular, uncomfortable in his job as the government’s poster Alpha for masculinity and strength, and worries more than he should about his BMI.

Unfortunately, Steve and Bucky meet initially in a not-cute moment. Bucky’s tired as shit thanks to the sudden alien invasion that shook New York and Steve is tired as shit because he hasn’t slept more than 20 minutes at a time in – well, since 1936, probably. Bucky’s Alpha instincts get irritated at the sudden presence of another "Alpha" into his territory and Steve’s suppressed submissive tendencies latch onto this grumpy bachelor Alpha and he only suppresses it further.

Bucky’s grumpiness and Steve’s duckling impressionism aside, both of them are a mess. But since both of them are a mess? Their messes seem to fit pretty well together.

Deep Sea Diving by Aida Ronan [Stucky, 5k words, Explicit]

Steve's wallowing in heat-related misery under a shade tree in Central Park when a man walks by in bright red booty shorts and a crop top. RIP Steve Rogers. It was nice knowing you.

honey, make this easy by steebadore [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]

Bucky likes the way he looks. His silk button up with the tiny gold polka dots feels soft on his skin and is tailored perfectly; no pulling at his chest or belly. His hair falls in shiny dark waves and his skin is smooth and dewy. He looks expensive. He looks taken care of. He looks like Steve’s.

🌻 let's take it back to the start by howdoyousleep @howdoyousleep3 [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

How it all began.

This sleepwalking through my life. by barthelme [Stucky, 1k words, Explicit]

The internet is an interesting place and when Bucky came home (or, when he came to live with Steve), Steve did a lot of research. Apparently, it’s not safe to wake a sleepwalker. He assumes that waking a sleepwalker with traumatic dreams and PTSD is beyond just being frowned upon.

And he tells himself--has told himself--that this is safer for Bucky. That if he were to stop him and wake him up, that Bucky would be mortified to be slurping on his best friend’s cock. That all of the improvements he’s made would be lost, would be repressed, would be just--

They’d be back at square one.

So he lets Bucky do it.

🌻 the way i've been craving by howdoyousleep [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

"Lunch break at 12:30. My office. Hope you’re hungry…"

It’s the ellipsis that sends Bucky’s insides swimming warmly, his heart beating twice as fast against his ribs where he sits in class. Senator Rogers is concise, direct, to the point. Without an ellipsis this is lunch, this is a meeting. With it though?

This is a booty call.

nasty but classy by howdoyousleep [Stucky, 4k words, Explicit]

“No, you don’t have to know the purpose, that doesn’t matter. Nat showed me this challenge where couples drink a lot of wine and get drunk together but they can’t touch each other. And whoever touches the other first has to...has to give the other head.”

🌻 Put It on Repeat, It Stays the Same by giselleslash [Stucky, 20k words, Explicit]

Steve and Bucky have a one night stand that turns into a friends with benefits situation. A weekend snowed in at Bucky’s apartment brings to light how much that really doesn’t suit either one of them.

Greetings to the New Brunette by victoria_p (musesfool) [Stucky, 10k words, General]

"You said he should have a hobby. That it would help."

"I meant, like, knitting or coin collecting. Motocross, if he was feeling antsy. A baby's not a hobby. It's lifetime commitment."

🌻 Rogers & Barnes: Partners by triedunture [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

Steve and Bucky have to pose as a couple for a mission. Nat insists it really is the only option. She's checked.

The complication: unbeknownst to even Natasha, Steve and Bucky's friendship has been rocky ever since Bucky confessed his tender feelings and Steve left him out in the cold. Can asexual, completely-in-love-with-his-angry-best-friend Steve complete the mission and win Bucky's heart?

(The answer is yes. Yay!)

this will be our year (took a long time to come) by biblionerd07 [Stucky, 4k words, General]

Bucky's therapist is worried he's using Steve as a crutch and wants him to try going on outings without Steve. It wouldn't be terrible, honestly, if Bucky could just manage to open his mouth and say something to Steve.

I'll hold my breath by Little_Lottie (tfwatson) [Stucky, 8k words, Mature]

Sometimes Bucky’s hands flex in Steve's direction. Neither of them knows exactly why, but at least one of them has a hunch.

Bucky touches everything but Steve, even though Steve is all he really wants to touch.

Start from the Beginning by Mumble_Bee [Stucky, 13k words, Explicit]

What about a sex pollen fic where the pollen-ed one doesn’t remember getting hit in the face with a sex flower, and wakes up midway through the depollenating?

Or: the one where Steve wakes up on his back with a stranger buried balls-deep in his ass.

Match by emphasisonem [Stucky, 4k words, Mature]

The situation’s actually kind of funny from the right perspective, Bucky thinks as he reads the message for what feels like the hundredth time. He’s finally matched with a hot, funny guy. Tall and broad and clean cut. An absolutely breathtaking smile. Bucky’s walking wet dream. And he’s good. They haven’t messaged on the app, but Bucky already knows him.

He knows him because Steve Rogers is an art history professor at his university. His art history professor.

Best friends and married since childhood by StuckySituation [Stucky, 1k words, General]

Inspired by @/peterssquill's post in tumblr: "bucky and steve got married on the playground when they were like eight and though neither of them would ever admit it to anyone, even each other, they still consider it official"

~♥~ ♥~ ♥~

“Natasha, stop trying to set me up with every woman you meet, I’m-”

“Too shy? Too scared?”

“No, I’m-”

“Too busy? You’re mostly retired these days, not a good excuse anymore.” Natasha smirks and then drawls: “Or just too gay?”

Steve flushes at that, even if isn’t true -- he’s bisexual, not gay. “Let it go, Nat, I’m not looking for anything. I’m already married, for fuck’s sake.”

Clearly not what she expected. “What.”

Steve grimaces. He didn’t mean to tell anyone that, ever.

“Sorry, can’t talk about it right now!” he says and jumps out of the plane.

Nobody Should Be Alone on a Holiday by emphasisonem [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

“So, um-” Bucky begins speaking again, pulling Steve from his less-than-work-appropriate thoughts. The brunet has shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark slacks, and he’s shifting from one foot to the other as he smiles shyly. “I have a question for you.”

“Shoot,” Steve grins, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his broad chest. Bucky swallows deeply as one of his hands comes up to pull at the collar of his button-up, and Steve can’t help following the motion of his Adam’s apple.

“I was, uh-” Bucky continues- “That is, I heard you don’t have Thanksgiving plans?”

In which Bucky finds out that Steve's going to be alone on Thanksgiving and invites his coworker to spend the holiday with him.

🌻 It's Been A Long Season Through by thiccbuckybarnes @thiccbuckybarnesfic [Stucky, 49k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes is in desperate need of a change in scenery, which is why he makes the foolhardy decision to quit his job, leave his asshole of a fiance, pack up his life, and move to his grandfather’s old farm all within a single day.

He expects confusion, hardship, and maybe even failure. But love? He wasn’t expecting that.

Or, a Stucky Stardew Valley AU that nobody but me wanted and that’s ok.

oh, peach pit, where'd the hours go? by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 10k words, Explicit]

Can't see the forest for the trees.

Or, Steve learns that just because he and Bucky got their happily ever after, it doesn’t mean the past won’t come back to bite them.

I'll find my way by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 725 words, Teen]

Steve had watched Bucky fall, and nothing had been the same since.

AU-gust day 19: Daemons

special delivery by glim @glim [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

It's not that Steve's bad at taking care of himself when he gets sick; he just wishes he didn't have to all the time.

At least he can order most of what he needs online. That's some small comfort, that he can have soup and ice cream and everything else brought to his door.

at first chance i'd take the bed warmed by the body by spacebuck @spacebuck [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]

This close, Steve can see exactly how beautiful his hands are. He’s never really noticed before, or at least he’s never really had a reason to notice, but the man’s hands are large, tanned like he works outside all day. There’s an endearing callus on the heel of one of his palms, and Steve can’t quite work out when calluses became endearing.

Steve pauses the video. Swallows hard. Casts his eyes around for anything that’ll keep his mind off the hands on his screen, off the words inked into those hands, the delicate shape of a bird’s wing, the curling edge of a vine.

He looks down. The name of the channel is right there, blaring the man’s name right into Steve’s brain until it feels like he’s known it all along.

Bucky Barnes.

OR: the one where Bucky's a youtuber who solves puzzles on camera, and steve's smitten and horny

🌻 Rock On! by millesable @marvelousescapism [Clintasha, 700 words, General]

“Hey, Romanoff!”

He lifted his hand, index finger and pinky finger raised, thumb out, all other fingers tucked. Their secret sign; their confession for the world to see, safe in the knowledge that the world wasn’t listening.

“Rock on!”

🌻 You Like the Way I Look by dontcallmebree @iamthe-wo-manwhocan [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]

Bucky sidles up to him, hand boldly coming to rest on his chest. “What about you, big guy? Care for a dance?” Steve watches Bucky’s eyes twinkle with satisfaction, somehow already knowing he’s got Steve on the hook.

A decade out of the ice, Steve Rogers returns to New York. Reeling from a battle against the Chitauri, a night with the troublesome Bucky Barnes might be just what he needs.

Join the Rebellion by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 765 words, Teen]

Bucky knew he shouldn't be out after curfew, but he couldn't resist the urge. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew it was where he wanted to be.

AU-gust day 20: Dystopia

🔒 Five Days in December by mywingsareonwheels @mywingsareonwheels [Evanstan, 4k words, Teen]

“Shit shit shit shit...” muttered Chris to himself, glad that the sound of piped Christmas carols was drowning out his swearing amid the picture books. Most of the store was heaving even though it was Sunday, he’d been recognised at least three times, finding presents for all of his nieces and nephews was proving far more of a headache than expected, and he’d just sent a pile of copies of "Strictly No Elephants" tumbling off the bookshelf.

He scrambled about trying to pick them all up, and then dropped them again as someone bumped right into his backside. He lost his balance, caught himself against a bookcase, and a landslide of "Carter Is a Painter’s Cat" joined "Strictly No Elephants" on the floor. He yelped.

“Ah fuck, I’m so sorry… Chris!”

* * * * * * * * * *

London, December 2021. Amid cats, books, and the cold English drizzle, Chris finds everything he was hoping for and thought he would never have.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Reaching for Fire by dixons_mama @dixons-mama [Stucky, 7k words, Explicit]

Bucky has always felt a fire in his heart (and other body parts) when it came to his boss, Steve Rogers, but he's made sure to never feed those flames. When he finds out about Steve's second job, though, he's tempted to let that fire out.

i've been dreaming of a face like yours by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

Bucky is about to busy himself with making a small dinner for himself when he stops in his tracks at the figure drinking a cup of coffee in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and smirking at him.

It’s Steve.

“Surprise, sweet boy,” he says before setting his cup down.

Or, PWP reunion sex

🌻 Somewhere, Under Your Skin by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 16k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes treats himself to a one-night stand after having a very bad no good day.

The sex is good--great, even. Might be the best sex of his life.

But Bucky wouldn’t have slept with the guy if he had known that he was going to continuously run into him every day for the next fucking month.

Or, a Big Grump Bucky has a hot one night stand with a college kid who is popping up everywhere in his everyday life and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

(Written for HYBB Bingo Square: Grumpy Bucky)

i've played heartstrings before but not in your key by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 11k words, Explicit]

He glances down, seeing a folded couple of papers, before peering up at Bucky. The older man is biting his bottom lip, making it pretty and red. Steve wants to run his tongue across where his teeth are digging into his flesh.

"What's this?" Steve asks, setting his phone down, emails forgotten. Bucky shrugs and looks away.

"I dunno. You tell me, genius," he says, sounding bratty enough that it makes Steve's dick twitch in his pants. Jesus, there has to be something wrong with him.

Steve glances once more at Bucky, who now has his arms crossed against his chest and is pointedly not looking at Steve, before picking up the stack of folded papers. He opens them, seeing a collection of maybe five or six sheets of paper. His eyes immediately land on the list of familiar words with negative next to each one. -- Or, Steve Rogers is a jealous, possessive little shit that wants nothing more than to mark up his boyfriend and stake his claim. And Bucky knows it. (And he likes it.)

🌻 I'm Home (With You) by BonkyBornes @padfoot-and-the-marauders [Stucky, 2k words, General]

In any other circumstance, the apartment would've been perfect. But it was today, and the fact that he was here meant he wasn’t out searching. He knew they hadn’t had any leads for weeks and he knew Natasha was right; all three of them were exhausted and a break would do them good. It just felt wrong to Steve that he was comfortable while Bucky was still out there—somewhere. Probably cold. Probably hungry.

The knock came again. Sighing, Steve unwrapped his hand from the dog tags and remembered how to move. Cold wind and snow greeted him when he opened the door. The solitary figure was walking down the steps, collar popped against the chill.

“Did you need something?” he called.

The person stopped. They were still. And then they turned. *

Or, the Christmas Steve deserved after Winter Soldier.

The portrait by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 915 words, General]

Steve Rogers has a Gift. He can help people find their soulmates, all he needs is some art supplies, a quiet place, and eye contact.

AU-gust day 21: soulmates

Maybe A Muse by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 2k words, Mature]

When Bucky Barnes needs extra money, he’s appalled that his best friends think he should become a model for the art department on campus. Shy, nerdy, and socially awkward, he’s not sure that’s something he feels comfortable doing. Still, he needs money, and he likes the idea of becoming someone’s muse. The problem is he had no idea two things would happen. First, one of the students in the class is exactly his type; second, he has to model nude.

#my reading log #r's reading log #fic rec #stucky fic rec #fics recs #stucky #danbeau #samrhodey #longpost #long post #clintasha #evanstan

164 notes · View notes

oops-prow-did-it-again · 3 years ago

Text

I’m back!

So, I kinda quit using this blog a while back. There are some notes about it in my old pinned post and probably on my fanfics, lol, but basically, I felt overwhelmed by fandom and everything going on irl and I crashed. I just withdrew from like, everything. I still logged in on Tumblr but I just liked things to later view them with the boyfriend or laugh at them again myself.

Honestly, it’s not that fun, just doing that, and not really that fair to people who put effort into their posts like art, music, writing, etc., or even just people who are very passionate about a subject and may want it to reach others that are the same. Because I know I’m like that!

But anyway, this is going to be my new pinned post. So! (More under the cut, please keep reading!)

About Me

You can call me Prowess, I’m a FtM transmasc (he/him please)! I use this space to elevate my personal works, such as art or writing, while also occasionally posting about topics I am passionate about. I realized I was trans in 2020 at the age of 19 years old, in the midst of a pandemic and college fallout, so as you can imagine, I’m still riding the rollercoaster of emotions that come with that. I’m also ADHD... so expect some posts about those sort of things.

But that is hardly the focus! I am big on art and writing. While I am mostly obsessed with Pokemon, I am a lover of stories, and so generally, I love most fiction, even the really bad stuff. Along with my Pokemon stuff, you can expect posts involving ARK: Survival Evolved, The Tales of Miraculous Ladybug & Cat Noir, animated movies (Luca, Toy Story, Spirit - you name it, I probably love it), and plenty of other stuff.

While I have too many older posts to go through and try to sort out the unclean tags, going forward, I am going to use these sort of tags: subject (whatever the post is about, for example, Pokemon), characters depicted, media (whether it’s art, writing, animation, or a mix), and any warnings that may need to go with it (for example, cussing when stronger language is involved, or racism if racism is getting discussed, etc). Memes or one-off posts will likely be tagged with simply “memes.” While this is pretty true for most any blog, this is so you know if you need to block certain tags! For example, if you hate Miraculous Ladybug, you’d just blacklist ‘Miraculous.’

I will also reblog a lot of posts asking for help or boosting awareness. I will try not to inundate the blog with these, but as I will likely have to make a post asking for help at some point myself due to unfortunate irl circumstances, I want to pay it forward in advance. These will be tagged with simply “help needed!”

Below are some projects I’m working on + what you can expect from this blog.

Pokemon Retold

By far, my biggest project to date, is Pokemon Retold.

This is an expansive written anthology of all the pokemon mainline games as far as generation 8. Red, Heart of Gold, Omega Ruby, Platinum, Black, Black 2, Y, Ultra Sun, and Sword are all intended to get rewritten and posted on both my FanFiction.Net and Archive of Our Own accounts. I may also post some chapters here, but I admit Tumblr makes that difficult sometimes.

These stories are very personal to me, as I started writing them when I was struggling in college with undiagnosed ADHD, and felt like my life was falling apart and I was alone. I started writing a retelling of Sword, but the more I wrote, the more disappointed in it I felt, so I started writing Black instead and scrapped Sword altogether.

I’ve had some rough road since, but Black is complete, Black 2 is also complete, and Ultra Sun is (mostly) complete (but with plans to be heavily altered), while Red is underway!

WARNING: These stories can get DARK, and I would rather my readers be over 18. They are not dark with the intent to squick out or upset people, however; they are dark with the intention of exploring thoughts and ideas I find too difficult to think about directly. There are more personalized warnings at the beginnings of each story. With that out of the way, please just try and move on if you find yourself disliking a specific story or part of a story of mine... If you want to give constructive criticism, you are more than welcome, but tearing into me and my writing just because you didn’t like something helps nobody. Keep in mind I write these for fun and as a form of self-therapy throughout some of the worst years of my life.

Furthermore, I edit them a lot. And I do mean a lot. My FFN profile acts as a “changelog” for what has changed in the stories over the course of the time they’ve been posted.

Pokemon Retold posts are tagged “Retold.”

My FFN Profile

My AO3 Profile

Pokemon Retold: Black has been added to TVTropes! I honestly don’t even care that this person digs into it a couple of times, I was so incredibly flattered they took the time to do that at all. (But be warned the page does have some spoilers!) I have no idea if you enjoyed the story or not upon reading over that page, kind stranger lol, but I really appreciate that you took the time to do that nonetheless! <3

Creatively Destructive

This incredibly well-titled story is an idea I have for a retelling of Miraculous Ladybug. I know, I know - absolutely never been done before /s

While I know there has got to be a thousand retellings of this show by now, based on just how.... terrible, the writing is, I want to try anyway. Because I genuinely love the premise of the show! I’m just constantly disappointed by how it seems to never go anywhere with its plot or characters.

So, Creatively Destructive will be a fanfic, and when I have more information on it, I’ll post it under the tag “creatively destructive.”

Roleplays

Me and my boyfriend love to RP a lot. From Monster Hunter to Pokemon, we do a lot of different stories. Sometimes, I really get inspired by what we come up together and I want to share it with others! Be it quick art based on a scene from the RP or a quick rundown of what occurred in an RP, you can catch these in the ‘Prow RP’ tags.

Currently, we are having a lot of fun with an RP based on the Hoenn pokemon games that I am sure I’ll be posting about!

I may also be open to RPs with others in the future :> Don’t be offended that I’m not open to them already... I’m just a very easily overstimulated person.

The Ballad of the ARK

ARK: Survival Evolved is a lot of things. It’s an amazing concept, an open-world game where you befriend dinos and fight alongside tribemates against other tribes, or work together to survive the hostile environment. But the true tragedy of this game goes so much deeper than that, and I want to explore that in writing, starting with my story, my experience, and then graduating to where I think the issue primarily stems from.

This strange memoir will be posted under the tags of “Ballad of ARK.”

Commissions

I hope to take commissions for art and writing in the future!

However, I need to figure out the parameters of what I’m willing to draw (and what I can feasibly draw), as well as what I can promise when it comes to writing, not to mention pricing.

That’s not to say I’m not open to ideas though! Feel free to message me/send me asks anyway and we’ll see if we can work something out. :)

Although I am not in a financial disaster just yet, I feel like I am not far from one. This is why I hope to try to build on commissions in the future. I know they will never support me, but I would still like to try to be useful and helpful to some. I currently live with my grandmother, having left my abusive home with my father, and although she generously allows me to live with her for the low cost of merely helping with some electricity and my own food, I struggle to remain abovewater financially due to difficulty finding work (thanks to issues with ADHD and physical problems following a bout with COVID in early January 2021).

If you would like to help anyway, feel free to subscribe to my Patreon, or make a one-time payment via PayPal. I promise no matter what or how much it is, your generosity is greatly appreciated!! <3

My Patreon

My PayPal

My Ko-fi

(Note that my Patreon is... very outdated and needs to be updated. I will do that soon!)

#new day new me!#undeadprowess #I will be changing my url #pokemon retold #retold #pin #creatively destructive #prow rps #ballad of ark #commissions #sketch #art #rb pls! :)#pokemon #pokemon trainer brendan #brendan #pokemon trainer brix #more info on those last tags soon lol

24 notes · View notes

not-poignant · 3 years ago

Note

Hi Pia!! I love your work and have consistently been reading it for over a couple of years, currently every TIP update u post makes my days a bit brighter 🥰

It is also thanks to you that I started posting fics last year after more than three years not doing so. While some of my fics have been wildly popular in a fandom some others don't seem to have landed as well within the same one, so I wanted to ask, what do you do about those stories that excite you but that don't seem to have found an audience yet, or that they never will?? How do you work through the fear of them not being worth your writing time?

Have a lovely day 💚🍀

Hi anon,

This is a hugely complicated question.

For a start, for writing that is for income, if I think it won't do well, I don't write it (although only to a point, I wrote The Gentle Wolf because asexual representation mattered more to me than sales, but it still hit hard when that turned out to be true). I don't like to mess with things that pay the bills. I hate that I have to look at metrics in that sense, but I do. But thankfully we're not talking about original fiction:

For fanfiction, things are different, and there might be a lot of different things going on.

For a start, almost always, when people ask me this question they are still getting some interaction on their fics, just not as much as they wanted or imagined. It can really help to like, remember to be grateful for every person who interacts, and not just the 'quantity' of interactions.

I think like... I am a big fan of 'write for yourself' but it's also true that I write for interaction on AO3. Just... only you can decide how much of the former will compensate for not much of the latter. There are people out there who are like 'if I was only writing for myself I'd keep it in my computer.' I'm not like that, and I don't vibe that way. I write for myself but enjoy sharing it, in case something that worked well for me, works well for a stranger. Everyone is different and that's eventually going to be what the crux of this post is, lol.

Popularity is influenced by the fact that some fandoms are more dead than others and lack interaction across the board in general (Persona 5, for example, is notorious for this). Some fandoms like certain tropes more than others. Some fandoms are massively popular for three weeks and then die almost immediately. And so on and so on.

Ultimately fandom is fickle, it's loyal to the stories they like more than the authors they like, and you can't predict what will be a flash in the pan and what won't be, and it doesn't always have anything to do with the quality of the fic itself or the tags you used. (This is sort of like how sketches will sometimes get tens of thousands of notes and a 300 hour single piece of quality art will get 400 notes, while a professional artist tears their hair out in pieces).

Sometimes, a fic will be more interesting to me than the reality of fandom interaction and I'll write it. Touching and Melting for Houseki no Kuni is a good example of that. A tiny fic for honestly an extremely quiet and tiny western fandom in terms of fic, which looks like it had a lot of interaction 3 years on, but had almost nothing in the first few months. And sometimes the fic idea won't be more interesting to me than the reality of the fandom interaction, and I won't write it. I go story idea by story idea.

But I've also taught myself to really think about a) the way I talk about interaction and b) to really value every individual that leaves a kudos, or comments, or public bookmarks. When I sort of started out with Shadows and Light, I remember being so bummed when a story didn't do as well, and thinking that meant it was doing 'badly.' Let's be real, Game Theory when it started out had less than a tenth of the interaction of SALverse, and I thought I had failed. If I'd given up at that point, well... all of this wouldn't exist.

And then just looking at fanfiction, it's like.. well, sometimes fics do a lot worse than other fics, there's usually at least one person who will read it and leave a kudos. I remind myself that to that person, the story mattered or meant something, which meant I didn't just write it for myself anymore, there is interaction.

This is much harder on stories that have zero comments, and zero kudos, obviously, no one likes to feel as though they are shouting into the void. But it's also my experience that writers who've had popular fics, don't often have 'zero kudos fics' when they say a fic is doing really badly. They just..maybe need to value the individual interactions alongside how good a 'mass' of interaction can feel, or alongside how good 'quantity' can feel. I do really think that's a skill that a lot of like...enthusiastic fanfiction writers have mastered or at least are learning.

Sometimes it really helps to have somewhere in private to vent to when you feel emotionally overloaded or insecure, and honestly sometimes it can help to re-evaluate.

For some people, writing fic when a certain threshold of interaction isn't reached, just isn't worth it. I can't convince people like that to keep writing. If there's a deep seated 'this isn't worth it' then stop doing it.

If there's 'this is insecurity and I'm not good at valuing everyone and I feel down right now but it'll pass' then...work quietly and patiently and compassionately on strengthening your resilience and your trust in your own writing, and your ability to value individuals who interact and engage on your fics. If you don't do this, you may end up bitter and resentful, and that can influence your entire relationship with fandom, and worse, the people who interact with your fics.

Also, finally:

How do you work through the fear of them not being worth your writing time?

In fanfiction, I do not base whether something is worth my writing time on the quantity of people who will interact with it. It is worth my writing time because I'm really excited to write it, and I want to share it, even if people don't respond immediately, or even if only one person ever comments.

I don't...have this fear that you have based on the things you're basing it on - my fears are different to yours. It's fanfiction. It's worth my writing time because I'm eager to write or fix or alter something in canon or I want to make the two boys fuck because no one else was going to, and because I can generally trust that one person out there will probably read it, even if I go back over 10 years ago and my Livejournal fics were only getting like one comment per chapter. If that.

If your metric for 'worthiness' is 'quantity of interaction' then - I'm the wrong person to talk to, I'm literally motivated to write fanfiction by completely different factors to you. I didn't start SAL knowing it would get popular, I thought people would hate me because I killed Jamie in the first chapter, and up until that point none of my fics had been popular.

I can't convince you on the things that convince me, when our foundational motivations are different. If you want quantity and that's what 'worth' means to you, I don't know what to tell you, I would never have written SAL in the first place if I hadn't been the kind of person to just write fanfic for almost no / or no interactions, and still enjoy that single person who said 'I really enjoyed this thank you for writing.' I didn't spring into being as someone who was writing fics that got a lot of interaction, that came...years later, y'know?

So what is worthy to me sounds like it's also just different to what is worthy to you. Ultimately, there are people only writing fanfiction on the basis of how many people interact with them, and...I don't know how those people keep choosing to write honestly, and I think a lot eventually abandon it, because there's no algorithm to crack in order to be successful every time. Maybe...remind yourself that you've had popular fics in the past and therefore you will again? And that you can't get to that point without less popular fics on the step ladder in the meantime? Therefore, even a fic that doesn't feel 'worth your time' will be a stepping stone to the one that is?

Imho, I think my fics are worth my time because I enjoy reading them once they're finished. And then I think they're worth my time because other people enjoy them. Having a popular fic is fun and nice, but honestly, often a fluke, and doesn't always say anything about the quality of the writing (some of the most popular Yuri! on Ice stories with 10,000+ kudos were like...not always...the most well-written stories, but people were desperate for Content, and it was certainly that).

But yeah, how I think about fanfiction is very different to how I think about 'fiction that has to earn an income.' Ultimately I don't want to apply the latter philosophies to the former, other people do. If you're applying 'this needs to hit a certain threshold of interaction to be worthy' as your basis for writing fanfiction, then...we have very very different motivations for creating content in fandom! And I'm the wrong person to ask.

As I said, it's complicated, lol.

#asks and answers #pia on writing #pia on fanfiction #people have different values they bring to writing fanfiction #i've seen folks just say 'it's not worth it' if they're not getting like a certain amount of kudos or comments #and idk #i don't relate to that #which i know is hard to believe now but like #i *literally started out*#posting fics on livejournal and on livejournal communities #thinking it was a small miracle if like #*a single person commented*#and that's what sustained me for years #if that would've made you quit #we're here for different reasons anon

19 notes · View notes

agentofmischief · 3 years ago

Text

Birthstone Legacy P.3

Welcome back all.

Last time, I left ya’ll off with Azalea and Gregory got engaged just after their daughter, Aelia, was born. I was planning a long engagement, because I wanted Aelia to be part of it, and also I wanted it to be when they moved into their own house.

Gregory was from Newcrest, and on his and Azalea’s first date/hang-out, they went to Woohoo Park (a park I made a year and a half ago, and put it in all my challenge games because it has places to sleep, shower, eat, paint, etc. while also being a fun. Anyway, Woohoo park always sits in the largest lot in Newcrest in my play-throughs). He pushed her on the swing set, and they flirted as it began to snow. It was where they realized they had feelings for each other, so I thought it was fitting that they’d eventually move to Newcrest, and when they did, they’d get married.

Although, until then, they decided to live in Azalea’s apartment in San Myshuno. ... Which is very haunted. .... We’ll get to that later.

I also said last time, they were going to get a puppy. MCC caused one of my sim families to be overrun with puppies. So I had to divy them up amongst the other townies. But I also thought it was a perfect opportunity for them to get their own puppy.

Sadly, while I was fixing my townies (the mcc algorithm can screw some things up, so I had to marry some townies off, which took some time), my puppy aged up to an adult.

Meet Meryl:

I didn’t want to alter her coloring, but to match the Pink gen, I gave her a pink handkerchief. I also got her fixed. Her two sisters, Cleo and Molly are not fixed. So, there might be more puppies further on. Who knows.

Shortly after taking this photo, I was informed that Aelia’s birthday was the next day, which of course made me remember that I have my lifespans on normal. So, Aelia was only supposed to be a baby for 2-3 days.

So, I had Azalea and Gregory grind for 2 days, trying to make sure their work performance was maxed out for promotion. Which they were on Aelia’s birthday. Now they are both at level 4 in their careers. I also had Azalea work on her charisma, so now she only needs 1 charisma skill point to achieve part 3 of the Friend to the World aspiration.

I thought best option to prep for reselling the apartment (ie, getting more money out of it) was to add a second bedroom. Plus, Aelia needed it, since I wasn’t sure I’d get them to move before Aelia became a kid.

I also added a closet, because Azalea kept having whims to make-out with Gregory.

Aelia’s room has the pink floors as the rest of the apartment, but the walls were yellow with yellow flower paintings and wall-art. The rug was yellow with pink and purple designs in it. The bed, bookcase, toybox, toilet, and dresser were yellow and orange.

I also had to put in a new dog bed and toybox for Meryl. I originally forgot a bowl, but I did put one in later.

And ... Oh? There’s a ghost?

Yeah. Dead Mr. Kim decided to comment on Azalea’s SimCity game. Don’t you just hate it when some dead stranger tells you how to play your game?

This wasn’t the first haunting Gregory and Azalea suffered through living here. More like 4th. And never the same ghostie either. They hated that. I have a feeling it was something they talked about regularly.

It was around this time I realized it was Aelia’s birthday, and she still hadn’t aged up yet. So I got Azalea to age her up.

Since she’s the Citrine generation, her color is yellow, so she’s in all yellow, and she has blonde hair, which I imagine she inherited from her dad, who’s ashy-blonde. Although, she inherited her mother’s eye-color, which is really multicolored. It goes from gold to pinky-brown to blue. So, I decided she’d keep the eye-color.

She’s just adorable. I mean, just look:

Look at them playing. That is peak adorable.

But, of course this could not last. 2 nights into Toddlerhood, the ghosties struck again, and this time caused Aelia to have a nightmare and woke her up, terrifying her. She immediately went running to her dad, who looked about ready to throw down with a ghost.

If we know anything about Gregory since the last part, he is fiercely protective of his family and loved ones. So, a ghostie deciding to scare his precious little girl. Yeah, he was done.

He had a long conversation with Azalea about it, convincing her it was time to move. They had both been promoted, had been saving up, and had an extra $2000 in the bank, which was when Azalea corrected him. $985. See, a charity called her earlier that afternoon asking for a donation, and being the ultimate humanitarian sim, she had to donate $1000. (I think I’m going to add that rule to this. It just makes sense for that gen, and the only reason it was left out is because I’d never had that pop-up before, so was not aware of its existence.)

He agreed to one more day, trying to raise the cash back up to move, but it was imperative they must.

And they did just that. Azalea gave a speech at work, and earned an enemy in the Llama Rights Group, but she got a bonus for the day, so when they returned from work, they had $1900. So, they moved.

And once they bought their land, first order of business was to get married.

That is the look of love right there.

Everyone important was there. The ceremony was a success.

I really wish I could have this screenshot framed in their house, because it’s perfect. Any suggestions on how to do that without having to create cc, let me know.

Sadly, once I got the moving process started, I realized you do not get the money out of the apartment, just the furniture. I sold a few things (I didn’t want the counters from the apartment. So, currently, their new house just looks like this:

After doing some digging and frog-gigging, I did raise enough money for some windows. I’ll take a another photo when it’s finally done, layout and all. But, it’s functional enough for them to live there. It has a kitchen, dining area, sunken living-room, bathroom, and 2 furnished bedrooms. They’ll have to work another week for this to get up to snuff, and the final product will be beautiful when I’m done.

So, now that the house is up, they will be adopting their two kids shortly, and as soon as Aelia ages up, they’ll do their family volunteering. I can also get the Rose garden started next time. What else?

Goals:

-Complete the Politician career as a Charity Organizer.

-Complete Friend to the World aspiration.

-Adopt 2 kids (Do not have to be legacy continuation).

-Max out friendship/be best friends with 4 sims before becoming an Adult. The friendship must be maintained throughout life.

-Have a rose garden.

-Write 5 Children’s books.

-Volunteer with family 5 times.

*If you get the pop-up asking to donate to charity, you must if you have the money.

Oh, she’s almost done with Book 2. We’re making good headway, and I’ll be striking goals off the list shortly.

If you’re liking these updated, please follow along. If you’d like to play along, the link is here:

https://agentofmischief.tumblr.com/post/654830541237075968/birthstone-legacy-challenge

Happy simming!

#the sims legacy #The Sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims challenge #Birth Stone Challenge #birth stone legacy #moving #pink tourmaline #citrine #dog #wedding

4 notes · View notes

2021ssajka · 4 years ago

Text

I have been active on social media under @Jankathleenart for a very long time. this is where I post my paintings, sketches, photography and things I love and enjoy. its very casual and I keep it free. I try not to overthink it. i try not to treat it so professionally so I can keep it fun and enjoyable.

lately I have it a plateau. It all started with these two friends I had who kept saying something about my work. they would ask my why do I keep posting things like these. why do i keep using the color yellow and pushing me to use other colors. they would ask me why I use those music for my art videos and etc. they would keep giving unsolicited advice and comments i did not ask for and i did not appreciate.

I would always explain myself and my choices and and person would answer “you. know im only trying to help right?”. He is not helpin gme at all but only continuing to criticize me and my work when he knows nothing. It didnt feel right to me what he was doing so i needed some space apart.

I told my other friend I was uncomfortable with people following me in social media. I couldnt tell her that it was her and her boyfriend specifically who was making me feel so uncomfortable with their comments.

I felt like i dont have control over my work. I have always been a private person, and now I dont even use my personal account and now I feel like even my art account is under attack because of those people. that art account is never meant to be for friends. its for me to express myself and share my work. I hate how i have no control over who i can share my work towards in social media. this has been an ongoing problem for me for a while.

after that I was uncomfortable sharing my work. I knew they are always gonna say something. they kept pushing and pushing me. towards my work even tho they know nothing about art or my practice. I stopped posting because of that pressure I felt. its been 2 months since I have posted.

last night I tried posting a landscape photo just to dip my feet into the pool again. I felt anxious again. I felt the pressure again and that did not feel good. I suddenly remembered the people who can see my work and I felt eyes on me.

I feel like some people are in my life follow that account soley just to keep tabs on me. And I do not appreciate that at all.

I would remove followers here and there, People i felt uncomfortable following me. My posts are very personal to me. they’re a glimpse inside my world and thoughts and i really do not appreciate people giving unsolicited advice. I know this will be something I will have to deal with if I want to be a practicing artist. I dont mind strangers that much, but if its people in my personal life. I would like to draw some BOUNDERIES between my personal life and my professional life.

I just wish apps would give more control over their users. I wish there is a chance to be anonymous on social media.

For me, social media is access. and all these people have access to me and my work. Its so weird to me how these people have updates to my thoughts with just a click of a button. once I post something, theres no room to breathe but it instantly goes to their feeds. Its just too much for me to handle lately so I took a break. I may be overthinking this again but I just dont feel good about it.

This is basically the reason why I dont post my actual “fine art” paintings in my account.

-------------

That was the main reason why I created @jankathleenart that was supposed to be my “alter ego” or more like a stage name. Thats my first name but I just go by “kat”. @jankathleenart became more like a crafty feed. more like a behind the scenes and sketchbook photos that I would share. this doesnt speak to my fine art work though.

Given this occurring issue. Im considering making a different account for my actual work. or I could rebrand my accounts. but i really enjoy my more casual way of posting and working. I do not want to treat my account like a job.

Im thinking about going a different name or something for my fine art work. not sure if this is the best way to go.

I do like Jan Kathleen. I did that as a way for me to reclaim my name that I did not resonate with (since people just called me Kat). That is also an intentional move to leave out my last name- to keep something for myself. but I also did not refer to my last name because this is my my Fathers (It was recently brought to my attention that every last name came from the father side, being passed down to their daughters as if they are their property even if they are absent). I want to shine light to my first name which is given to me by my mother (the woman who raised me) and claim my power to choosing my own name.

Im thinking of making my current JanKathleenArt account into a subaccount and naming it JKAJournal and then making a new JanKathleenArt as a rebranding move. The only thing about that is that people will still know its me lol

Another option is to maybe to go anonymous behind my work because I do treasure my personal life. I do not wish to put so much of myself out there more than my art (since that is already personal enough).

I heard about Layqa Nuna Yawar and how this is a name he chose for himself.

-----

2 notes · View notes

piprocrastinator · 5 years ago

Text

Ease of Mind

This one is super duper long.

This story has love confusion, snuggles, and even some kisses. Some JoongNine coming at ya.

(I actually posted an excerpt of this a little while ago and finally finished it, after altering it a few times because couldn’t decide how I wanted it to end.)

Rated: T for T because of language.

Word Count: 12,230

We recognize a soulmate by the supreme level of comfort and security we feel with that person. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues that remain to be ironed out. Rather, it means we know intuitively that we can resolve issues with our soul mate without losing his or her love and respect. – Linda Brady

The day he stepped into the practice room for the first time, he knew that Joong was something else. Since the first moment, he laid on eyes on this kid -correction this boy, no, man? No, he was still under eighteen that’s a boy.. teen?- Nine knew Joong was going to be a pain in his ass. He was loud, boisterous and had more energy than one should hold within a singular body.

The damn energizer bunny, that’s what he was.

How was this kid supposed to be ‘Ming’? Ming who was like a puppy, and flirtatious? Joong flirtatious, yeah right.

Somehow though, he managed. Joong reeled in his energy, positioned it towards the art and, somehow, he made a pretty good Ming.

Although it had taken many hours -and days- of practicing lines and acting cues. Plenty of sessions centered around getting to know each other. Copious amounts of coffee, sleep deprivation, laughter, jokes, hugs, kisses, acting, teasing and maybe just a dash of luck -and fate. Something changed between them.

Somewhere between late nights were they ran lines together and Nines friendly personality pulling Joong into a zone that made him feel comfortable, they became …friends. Yeah, real and true friends.

Joong likes to think it was fate -something like soulmates maybe, Joong said once- that made them friends, Nine says luck but does it really matter.

All that matters is one moment they were strangers and the next best friends. Their friendship grew fast and it grew strong.

It was great because that meant that on-screen they gave good chemistry but also off-screen they delighted fans with fan service and moments to hold onto. It allowed them to grow a fan base. They were able to just be themselves, enjoy life while doing their job of bringing fans into the show.

Nine was thankful that Joong had found him. Nine liked to be needed, liked helping others, being the center of their attention. It was selfish in a way but it worked out because Joong needed someone too. Joong needed someone to help him get over his loneliness, lend him a hand, be there for him. Joong needed Nine and Nine needed Joong. They balanced each other’s needs.

The only problem was that because of their closer relationship they could easily pick on each, this lead to squabbles, quarrels, and fights. Most of the time they meant nothing, stuff said out of fatigue, exhaustion, or hunger. Sometimes it was accidental slips, words not meant to come out but did. Feelings that slipped through the cracks. Joong was young and impressionable. Joong was sensitive. Joong liked constant reassurance and hated people threatening that reassurance. He hated people teasing about Nine moving on from him, or even the thought that Nine would choose someone else over him.

Because their relationship shifted from stranger to friends so easily and quickly, it didn’t take long before Joong asked to stay over for the first time. It was often that Joong would come over to study or to just hang out. To just not be alone.

Nine had friends over all the time so it wasn’t anything new, or out of the ordinary, or strange. It was late, they had just finished studying and Nine was a good friend. He was a good older friend, who had an apartment.

So when Joong ask if he could stay over in between a yawn, Nine didn’t hesitate to say yes.

His new room, the room was a small one-room apartment, meant for one. His previous room had been a bit bigger, big enough of a futon on the floor, this one, however, did not have as much room. There was little room for anything extra, like say another place to sleep, like a couch or a futon. Especially not a place large enough for one giant man child.

That left the only sleeping option as (hold for dramatic music) the bed. As in the singular kind. Meant for one. The bed that Nine knew could fit two but was small, and emphasis on, made for one.

He wasn’t going to let Joong sleep on the ground, it was cold, dirty and to crampy for sleeping. There was just enough room for walking.

And he wasn’t going to send him home this late. What kind of friend would he be if he did that? A bad one and he was no bad friend.

Ignoring the weird feeling in his gut because why would he feel weird about letting a friend sleepover. He shouldn’t. It wasn’t weird. Why was he being weird? He wasn’t. Ok cool, yeah good you got this Nine. Just breathe and stuff. Nothing strange happening tonight. Or ever.

He mentally facepalmed before taking a deep breath to try and collect his thoughts.

Once his thoughts seem to fall back into their normal lines, he began the journey to sleep. They picked up their mess from studying, showered -separately of course, though it was perfectly acceptable for friends to shower together but that thought of seeing Joong naked did something to Nine that he wasn't sure of and did not want to investigate any further. So separately- changed and then he laid out the ground rules. Which should be expected, right? “No groping, snoring or drooling in the bed or I’ll kick you out.” Simple enough.

Joong smiles, flopping down on the pillow he was given. The bed shifts with his weight in a way that feels weird to Nine. It shouldn’t. They were just laying together in the same bed. And yet. The blankets cascading around Joong, his hair damp and tousled, light flush over his skin from the warm water. “You’re becoming more and more like Kit the further we get into filming, you know.”

Nine pouts, crossing his arms over his chest because, no, he was not. No one -not a single soul- liked drool on their pillows. He opened his mouth to comment when a yawn from the other party stopped him.

Joong was there, on his side of the bed, eyes closed, hand curled by his face looking like the most adorable thing Nine had ever seen. It wasn’t right? Joong wasn’t supposed to be adorable, especially not when he slept. He was the giant energizer bunny baby, man-child.

And yet, he was.

Joongs lips parted ever so slightly letting out slow puffs of air, as he drifts further into sleep, his nose twitching just so, small tufts of hair brushing his temples as his checks darken with sleep before his face relaxes completely.

It just wasn’t fair that Joong was so cute, Nine thinks with a pout as he turns off the light.

That one night turned into two, -three, four, five- and soon it felt like Joong spent more time at Nine's place than his aunt's apartment. Nine still thought Joong was cute, that strange thought never seemed to go away but sometimes it got overridden when Joong did something gross like tried to sleep in his dirty clothes or that one night when Joong got sick and puked on the bed. That wasn’t cute but Joong was mostly asleep because of his cold so Nine could almost excuse it. Almost. Maybe. It was still gross.

Somewhere around the third week of sleeping over, it happened.

The first time it had happened, it had startled Nine out of his sleep, throwing him back into reality like a jolt of lightning. He blinked into the darkness trying to figure out what had happened. Everything seemed to be in order, the door was still shut, lights were off, Ac on, blankets on.

Man, the blankets were really warm tonight.

Was that what it was, was he too hot? He shifted to remove the blanket and something tighten around his waist.

Something … around his waist?

Hold up. Why was there an arm around his waist?

Reaching down he tentatively touched the arm, the fingers tightened around his ribs momentarily before settling back into their relaxed position. Then he noticed Joong’s breathe against his neck, and the soft heart beating against his back.

He gulped. Should he move or stay… Move or stay... Move or-

He reaches over to the Ac remote and turns it up a notch. Joong was really warm in his sleep. He settles back, pressing his back into Joong’s chest. This wasn’t weird because Joong was asleep. Joong was asleep and he started it, therefore, it wasn’t weird. It was comforting. Like one of those gravity blankets, he had heard about, putting just the right amount of pressure and warmth to create the safest of places. Plus it was dark and they were asleep, it didn’t matter.

His mind seemed to quiet down as the soft heartbeats rumbled into his chest through his back. The beats were asymmetric to his own. Joongs then his.

Ba-dum Ba-dum.

Ba-dum Ba-dum

It was a new rhythm all its’s own, such a soothing rhythm. How could two hearts beating, be this calming? His mind filled with sleep as his eyes grew heavy. The fingers twitched with sleep against his ribs.

Then the rhythm seemed to shift ever so slightly.

Maybe in a way, he liked it better.

Ba-dum Ba-dum

After that first time it happened, it kept happening. Again and again and again. Like, the first night was the opening of flood gates. Or like the first step into a new habit. However, Nine never mentioned the night hugs and neither did Joong. Maybe it was like a secret.

If Nine was being honest he wasn’t entirely sure Joong knew about them because it seemed whenever morning came the limbs were gone. Poof, like they were never even there to begin with. Nine couldn’t tell if Joong was doing it intentionally or just as a reflex of sleep. But every night without fail, Nine would find himself encompassed in arms and legs. And that stupid rhythm lulling him to sleep.

It didn’t matter if they went to bed at 9 pm or 2 am, about an hour later, the limbs attacked. Like tentacles from the Kraken, swooping in undetected till, boom, too late your captured.

Nine tried to dislodge the limbs, not because they were uncomfortable because they should have been and they weren’t. Actually quite the opposite. He liked them. Preferred them over without them. Maybe that was a little nerve-racking, in and of itself, because he was so used to sleeping in his bed, alone, that now that some giant baby, man-child has taken over, he’s suddenly more comfortable sleeping with than without.

Which was, you know, unacceptable.

You can’t just suddenly be this comfortable with a person. Suddenly allow them to take over parts of your life that you thought you had control over. Suddenly allow them to be a major comforting factor in your sleep.

Maybe he was in a tad bit of denial. Or maybe he wasn’t. He honestly wasn’t sure.

He thought that maybe he could somewhat shift them back into their old ways. Trying to create the old atmosphere, where they slept apart. Then everything would be normal again. Yeah totally. He would understand everything again and not be confused.

Easy plan.

He would move the limbs, they would stay away and then he could he would go back to his old sleeping ways. He could go back to sleeping alone or at least on his side of the bed. They could be two separate people, and not one, at night again.

Perfect plan.

One night -ok maybe more realistically a few nights- he had tried to push the limbs off, he would toss the arm back. Then push the legs away. Then push the body further away. It was step by step process because Joong had a bigger mass than he did.

(Even though he went to the gym, Joong would always be bulkier than him. Such a shame. Sometimes he really hated his tiny genetics. All it gave him was the cute appearance, would he ever be able to pull off the same type of look as Joong? No. But that’s ok. It’s definitely a tangent that he tries to not think about too often because it’s not something he can change.)

He would get just enough time to where he could begin to fall asleep before he would feel the warmth and limbs creep back in. Sometimes roughly, an arm being thrown back over his body, knocking the wind out of him momentarily (feeling like a punishment for trying to move the limbs in the first place) and sometimes softly, like it was trying to sneak upon him, hand sliding over his body, tentatively, delicately, softly to pull him close.

But he was nothing, if not persistent. So he continued to push the limbs away.

When he -finally- came to the conclusion that straight-up pushing the limbs away wasn’t going to work, he tried other things.

One night he tried turning on the AC higher temperature to make the room hotter in hopes that maybe Joong would stay away to stay cool. You know because if the room was hot, you would stay away from the other heat source near you in order to stay cool. Seemed logical. Made sense.

That turned out to be a failed plan very quickly because not only did those octopi like limbs not stay away, they both woke up sweaty and grumpy from uncomfortably hot sleeping arrangements. The next day he had been horribly sleep-deprived and almost fell asleep in class too. He was not doing that again, that’s for sure.

He tried to turn the AC way down in hopes that maybe Joong would curl into himself.

That plan, however, was flawed from the start. Which he should have realized it was a bad plan from the start but he was actually glad that Joong had stuck to him like glue because he became Nine's personal heater. What a twist that was. It was a -surprisingly- great sleep too. Something that Nine hated to admit. Something he would never admit out loud, that’s for sure.

After that he realized that there wasn’t a way for him to actually remove the limbs without A) either removing the person from the bed, which wasn’t really in the cards or B) Telling Joong that he was a booby trap of a sleeping body and he should keep his limps to himself at night. He didn’t really want to tell Joong though. He also, maybe, kind of, didn’t want to lose the limbs.

Maybe that’s why his attempts had failed. They were bad plans and he wasn’t really trying that hard because maybe, in some way, he didn’t want to lose their night time sleeping arrangement.

Maybe, maybe he kind of liked it.

Maybe Nine liked to have his own personal heater at night,- as long as the AC was set to a good temperature- because otherwise, Joong was too warm. Stupid energizer bunny and his stupid amounts of energy that create a warm body temperature.

Joong didn’t seem to notice his efforts to push him away at night nor did he notice how the room stayed just a bit colder from then on.

Maybe, Nine realized, he didn’t want to go back to his old ways of sleeping alone.

Nine had just managed to stumble through a shower -how he took a shower with his eyes closed he would worry about in the morning- before landing in bed just as his mind began to shut down to the world.

It had been a long day, really long. He had an early class, then a test, a meeting with some future work possibilities, a meeting with the company, and then his acting workshop. Then afterward – maybe because he had masochistic tendencies- he had accepted his cousin's request to do a dance together, so he had dance practice with her.

Now, he would admit that he wasn’t the best dancer, it wasn’t a skill that he was vain about or anything. He could do it fine enough and he enjoyed it and so when he received the request he thought ‘why not’. Well, now he realizes that maybe he should have checked his schedule better because he still needs more practice and then they have to film it. Although with his upcoming schedules meeting with her more than once might not be possible, maybe he can get her to film next time they meet instead of putting it off more.

He tried to let work thoughts leave his mind so he could make room for good dreams instead but it just wasn’t working out. He tossed to one side, the cool blankets just irritating him. He rolled to the other side. He was so tired. He was literally too tired to open his eyes during his shower why was he struggling now? He felt stuck in this middle ground between sleeping and being awake. Like he was floating through a fog of sleep instead of into it.

This went one for what could have been minutes or hours, not nearly enough time when he heard a knock or two. Wait, scratch that, like a billion knocks. Did this person not know what nighttime meant?

Groaning, he pushes off the bed, stumbling over the clothes he tossed off in his sleepy entrance to his apartment before grabbing a pair of boxers and slumping into them when his brain finally processed his nudity.

“What?” He growled as he swung open the door, one eye refusing to open all the way and the other opening just enough to glare at the dark figure in front of him.

A shaky sigh answers him and then “You’re not wearing clothes.” The tone was odd, it was soft like the speaker was afraid and maybe the slightest of berating to it.

“I have underwear on.” He snaps back, leaning against the door, it was too late for anyone else to be still up so he could care less about his current state of clothes, or rather lack thereof. If he wasn’t so tired maybe he would care more. Maybe. It's debatable.

Silence and then Joongs small voice, “Nine?”

Nine shifted to push off the door, one hand rubbing his eye while the other reached out palm up, to Joong, who took the invitation. They made it two steps into the room, the door shutting softly behind them before Nine was swept into strong arms, secured tightly around his waist. He could feel the strong timbre of Joongs heart beating rapidly against his chest accompanied by a wet exhale against his neck.

He sighed, sleep momentarily forgotten as he wraps his arms around Joong’s neck, one hand curling in the hair at the nape of his neck, standing up on his top toes to press their cheeks together. Nine notes the dampness against his face, letting his fingertips scratch delicately along the base of his neck in a soothing manner. He remembers his mother doing something similar when he was young whenever he got upset. It always made him feel better so he hoped that it would work with Joong too.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered, softly like a breeze.

“It’s stupid. So stupid.” Joongs presses his face into Nines like he wants to turn or run away but instead has settled for just pressure. Wet cheek against dry -damp- cheek.

“Obviously not.”

“I’m just conflicted." Joong gulps, breathing in. "Everything is so... confusing.”

“What is?”

“I just-“ Nine can feel the flex of his jaw, tightening of his lips before he feels the slow exhale as Joongs face relaxing. Nine can almost feel the thoughts running through Joongs head.“I just ... miss them. It’s really silly because I choose this but it’s Mother’s Day and mom is sick and it’s not anything more than a cold. I know, but I’m here and not there. What if it was something bad? What if something happens to them? What if-” Joongs stops, exhaling like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Nine lets the silence be for a moment, gives Joong a moment to collect himself. “Joong it’s ok to be worried when you’re so far away from your family. No one thinks you’re stupid. I promise. And if they do I’ll show him the old one-two punch.”

He shifts as body as if getting ready to punch but the arms pull him in tighter. Nine breathes in as another stream of wetness attaches to his cheek. “You know you can spend time with me and my mom tomorrow. I know it’s not the same but she loves like family. Plus we sent out that present to your mom two weeks ago, she should be getting it soon." Nine rubs Joongs neck again in some nonsensical pattern. "You’re a good son and your family loves you. My family loves you too. They can be, no, they are your surrogate family while you here.”

Joong lets out a small wet chuckle. "Thanks."

“Plus no matter what happens,” Nines calves ache from their stretched position for so long but he ignores them in favor of leaning more on Joong. “I love you and I’ll always be here for you. And if you think something bad might happen you can always fly back to your family.”

“Yeah.” Joong breathes quietly the word in disbelief as he tilts his head just so, lips touch Nines checks. It’s a soft almost nonexistent kiss. As if he’s just reassuring himself that Nine is there. “Can I stay here?”

Nine drops back to the flats of his feet to look into Joongs eyes, one eyebrow raised before rolling his eyes with a smile. “I’m going back to bed.” He waves a hand flippantly towards the direction of the bathroom before falling back onto the bed and burying his face in his pillow.

There are a few moments with no sounds of movement than a soft step and the sound of the drawer being pulled out. The drawer that sticks when it's closed all the way and most times when you pull it out if it’s not done in the correct way. Joong knows how to wiggle it just so and it works every time for him. That stupid drawer. Joongs drawer, Nine mind supplies as he hears the wiggle before the draw closes without resistance. Stupid drawer.

A few steps, a door closing and then shower starts. It’s weird, this realization that Joongs has a drawer. There was no talk about it. He has just stayed over so much and had left so much stuff behind, that Nine had started putting his stuff in that drawer. At first, it was a joke of sorts because Nine always had trouble with the drawer and he had hoped at first Joong would too but he didn't, quite the opposite. Then more stuff started appearing in the drawer and now, its Joongs drawer. His very own drawer...

Actually, there was a part of the closet that held Joongs stuff as well. His toothbrush was in the bathroom, along with his other toiletries like shampoo and face wash. A sticker on the mirror Joong had put there. Joongs favorite drink in the fridge. His favorite snacks in the cabinet. There was Joong all over the apartment.

He had meant it when he said that Joong was family. He loved Joong, just maybe in a way that he didn’t fully understand but he loved him none the less. Joong was his best friend and someone he felt completely comfortable with. Someone who made him feel safe and warm. Someone he didn’t mind sharing a room or even a bed with. His… someone.

Opening his eyes Nine looks to the other side of the bed. Joongs 'unofficial' side of the bed, because it was the closest to the AC and he was always warmer than Nine. The pillow stood out among the sea of greys and blacks with its red color. A pillow which he knew smelled of Joong and next to it was a round plushie with a smiling face and red circle checks. A squishy mochi. Joong had won it from a claw machine because ‘it’s got Nines squishy checks’. Nine lazily poked one of the ‘squishy’ checks on the plushie. His cheeks were better.

There was so much Joong in his apartment that he couldn’t remember a time when it wasn’t there. Which was weird because they had only known each other for a year now, maybe, and yet somehow, they’ve become this close. He let his fingers trail off the plushie and onto the pillow. He doesn’t want to imagine a time when Joong decides to move back to Turkey to be with his family.

It’s a selfish thought to have but he can’t help it.

“You’re still awake.” Joong sounded surprised, as he stands there rubbing his hair with a towel, the only light in the room was the moonlight through the half-covered window. “It’s late.”

Nine hummed in reply, closing his eyes. The thump of the towel hitting the floor - He would nag about Joong not putting it up properly in the morning - signaled Joongs arrival to the bed. Then into the bed, as it shifts to accommodate the new weight difference. Nine expected arms around him but when none came he looked over to Joong.

There in the shadows of the night, this boy who is usually full of energy, lay silently, staring up at the ceiling. The barely-there light covered his face with darkness in all the wrong places.

“It’s late.” Nine echoed before shifting, pushing Joong to lay on his side. Stopping the minimal protest with a 'tsk' before wrapping his arms around Joong’s waist.

He didn’t fit as well in this position as he did in front because his body type was smaller than Joongs but he would make due. Rubbing his nose against the back of Joongs neck, one hand placed over Joongs beating heart while his other hand let soft fingertips dance along Joong's side. He wasn't as big or as warm as Joong was but he could be soothing like this too. He could protect Joong when he needed it, help him get to sleep during tough times. HE wanted to be there as much for Joong and Joong was for him.

It took a while but eventually, he heard Joongs breathing even out into sleep before he followed after, nose buried in the nape of Joongs neck.

Nine was standing at the counter, the hot plate warming the vegetables. A bowl of meat set to the side in preparation while Nine gets the slurry of curry cube and water ready. He paused as he rinsed his hands, eyes blurring momentarily as they droop with sleep.

“Why am I doing this for you again?”

“I’m studying.” Joong's voice was muffled through the half wall followed by a soft hum. It was a recognizable tone. Nine tilts his head as he listens.

That’s right. “It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone.” He starts with a smile, Joong chair clatters against the floor as he rushes over.

“And I need you now.” He tags in like always. The smile on his face never fails to fill his heart, mind, and soul with happiness.

“And I don’t know how I can do without,” Nine ignores the fact that Joong skipped a line as he grabs Nines hands and beginning some odd version of a waltz including the spinning and one dip as they continue to sing the song. So what if they missed a few words (or lines). So what if their dancing was horrible and Joong stepped on his foot (more than once). He got him back -by accident- a few times, so it was fair.

So what if they laughed until the stench of burning vegetables pulled them back into the present.

Nine wouldn't trade this moment for the world as he saved the remaining -not as burnt- vegetables and cooked the meat. Joong humming beside him. The songs changed as Nine finished the meal, turning to more quiet songs until the infamous song began to fall from Joongs lips as the last minutes ticked by before the food was done.

“Baby take my hand,” Joongs fingers threaded through his, “I want you to be my husband.”

“I just cooked your food, if that’s all it takes you’re going to marry a lot of people.” Nine jokes, trying to pull his hand away. Because he needed to use it for cooking not because it made his heart flutter just a bit.

“Cause you’re my iron man,” Joong continues, his smile growing.

“I thought you only like it when I sing it?”

There was a pause and Joong let go of his hand for a moment before pushing him back against the counter, bracketing him in with his arms. “ Baby, take a chance.” He said softly, eyes glimmering. "Cause I want this to be something."

“Food-” Nine whispers back, heart racing in his chest as Joong leans closer. Nine mouth feels so dry that his tongue is sticking to his teeth, he swallows, twice, trying to quell his sudden nerves.

“Straight out of a Hollywood movie.”

“F-Foods ready.”

“Thanks!” The sudden exclamation startles Nine but he slaps on a quick smile, mostly to hide his nerves, as Joong reaches around him to grab a bowl.

Nine doesn’t wait for any further incidents to happen before he makes his way back to the warm inviting arms of his bed that he had been pulled from an hour ago. The bed didn’t seem as comfortable as it was before though. The blankets were too cold, the pillow wasn’t fluffed right.

Nine huffs as he pulls the covers over his head trying to ignore the sound of Joong prancing in the kitchen as he ate.

He should be mad at getting woken up at, who knows when in the morning, after spending all night tutor Joong, to make food for Joong but he wasn’t. He should have been mad at the loud half-humming and half-singing in-between bites that Joong was doing mere feet from his bed, but he wasn’t.

He wasn’t even mad when the covers got pulled away so Joong could show their fans his face as he praised him on his cooking skills.

To be honest he was only mad that it took so long for Joong to finally get to bed because before that moment Nine was stuck drifting between awake and asleep until he was captured in those long arms.

He couldn’t tell if he imagined it or not but just as he finally drifted fully into sleep he felt soft lips press against his nape.

It was probably his imagination though.

Nine rolled over, the sun rays just barely peaking in through the window. The curtains only partially covering the window in a poor excuse to block the light, which he really should fix because no one lights getting woken up so early by the sun.

Joong lay beside him, limbs splayed out like a starfish, mouth cracked open. He had plenty of time before he needed to be up, so much so that he defiantly needs to go back to sleep. Yet, he couldn’t. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to will himself back to sleep but after a couple of minutes, his eyes opened again, refusing to close for sleep.

He pouted and shifted, pulling the covers closer, and closer, stuffing them between his legs. Closing his eyes again and nothing. He rolls over to face away from Joong pushing one leg out of the burrito of blankets he created. Closes his eyes and guess what, nothing.

He sighed. Rolling back over again, pulling the covers over his face as he huffs. He doesn’t want to get up yet. He wants to sleep.

“Nai,” Joongs voice fades out, he shifts. Nine holds his breath as he peeks out of the blanket with one eye to see Joong still sleeping. He waits with bated breath. Then he shifts his legs again as he tried to find the perfect position when an arm curls around him pulling to Joong's side.

“More minutes,” Joong mumbles as he pulls Nine close, laying him over his chest. Nine stares out of the little hole he created in his blanket burrito at his still sleeping friend. What now? He tried to move but the arm was still there, holding him close

He lay his head down on the chest, heart beating right into his ear. It’s the same rhythm that puts him to sleep most nights. He wonders if it could put him to sleep now-

The next thing he hears is his alarm going off, he feels Joong shift and the alarm goes silent.

“Nai “ Joong mumbles out, “Time to get up.”

Nine was still cradled against Joongs chest, blankets had shifted to cover them both instead of burrito just him. It wasn’t super comfortable to sleep against a chest but it was comforting. Comforting in a way that was uncomfortable to Nine. Which was too deep for morning thoughts to be.

Then a nose nuzzled the crown of his head before dropping a small kiss before Joong extracted his limbs.

Nine pretended to be asleep as Joong shuffled around the apartment until Joong deemed it necessary to get him up. There was little resistance when Joong pulled the blankets off and ushered him to the bathroom.

After that Nine managed to make it through the day with normality and like protocol neither mentioned their sleeping arrangement. Which was great, super fantastic-

“You wanna go drinking tonight?” Nine asked hours later as he walked out of class. Ben on the other end of the line hummed.

“I guess. Random hoes or you want the crew there?”

Nine smiled he knew he could count on Ben. “Random, so no Earth and no Pavel.”

Ben made a noise something between shock and amusement. “Chen?”

“No.” Nine almost shouted in his hast. He could feel the smirk through the phone and he didn't like it. Not one bit.

“I see.”

"See what?"

Ben never did answer what he ‘saw’ but they did manage to dance in a crowd of strangers and drink until Nine wasn’t sure which way was up and which way was his feet. Ben defiantly wasn't any better, maybe even worse. Though Nine couldn't tell. He's going to say worse because Nine is a good kid and as long as someone is drinking more than him he doesn't feel that bad.

Although realistically it's probably him. Most definitely him.

“Do you want me to call you a cab?” Earth said as he helped Ban off the couch, the boy had passed out a couple of minutes ago. Thankfully, in Ben's case, he had been drunk texting Earth and because Earth is a sweet boy who was concerted for Ben's safety, he decided to come and take him home. Such a sweet boy, that Earth is.

“No.” Nine tried to stand but stumbled back into his seat with a giggle. "I’m independent. I don’t need a cab.” He waggled his finger and tried to throw a sassy look.

Earth seems wholly unamused. “I’m calling Chen then.”

“Nooo.” Nine whined, pouting as he lightly flailed his arms against the couch. He was not acting like a child at the moment. But his arms sure were.

“Cab or Chen?”

Nine deepened his pout and added puppy eyes. The puppy eyes always get him what he wants. Earth did not fall for that trick and instead called a cab before helping both Nine and Ben outside to wait by the curb.

“What if I wanted to drink more?” Nine whined as he leaned against the light pole, the cold seeping in through his clothes felt nice against his hot skin.

“No.”

Nine stuck his tongue out. “You're not my mom.”

Earth shots him a look that could have killed him but the alcohol lucky saved him. Score one for alcohol. Wait, two because it got him to this point. Two points for alcohol.

“I should have called Chen." Earth huffed, glancing over to Ben who was slouched over on the ground passed out. "He’s better at handling you.”

“Not true-“ Nine squeaked as Earth pushes him into the cab the moment it arrives at the curb, told the driver his address and slammed the door just as the next cab showed up. Efficient, Nine thought vaguely as the cabbie drove off.

“Long night I see.” The cabbie glanced at him through the review mirror.

“Yeah.” He huffs.

“You sound heartbroken?”

Nine shrugs but it catches him off balance and he topples over to lay in the seats instead. “I don’t know. I like him but it’s weird. Because we’re friends and like, I’m his friend.”

The cabbie hums, fingers tapping on the wheel. “Maybe you're meant to be more than friends but you’ll never know because you’ve already assumed that this is the path of love you're meant to be on.”

Nine tried to answer but he didn’t have one. It was a beautiful saying and accurate, what was he to say to that? No? That he was wrong? He was honestly too drunk to think of anything else to say anyways.

Maybe this was the path of love he was supposed to be on, being friends forever. That's not too bad though. He could probably live with that. Maybe. He did like Joong though. Like the kisses on his head. Arms around him. Maybe he was just lonely.

He pondered over the words as he tried to keep the sudden bile from coming up. The alcohol plus the motion of the car were not sitting well together.

Bummer alcohol loses a point for this.

Nine managed to pay the cabbie and stumble up the stairs to his room. It took him a few tries but he managed to unlock his door. He steps out of shoes and strips off his clothes -because they smelled like alcohol and cigarettes- before crawling into bed. Those strong arms immediately trapping him close. Fuck he really liked those arms around him. It's just the alcohol talking, he was sure.

“Nai...?”

“I like when you called me that.” Nine mumbles as he snuggles into those arms. “My heart always does ‘ba dum ba dum’ really fast when you do.” His spinning world begins to slow down as a tentative hand runs down his back.

“Nai,” He whispers the word like he was tasting fine wine, trying to gather it on his palate and keep the taste. And then not more normally, “You're naked”, his words sounding a mix between confused and concerned, and some hidden amusement to them. Joong pulled the covers around Nines waist, tugging them tight so he wouldn’t get cold.

“You kissed my shoulder and my head.”

Palpable silence before Joong exhaled and answer. “Yes.”

Nine tried to open his eyes but they refused as rolled back under the safety of his lids, he exhales as he forced the words out. “I like you. Kissing me.”

“Of course you do, I’m a great kisser.” Joong teased gently.

Nines' mind drifted a little at the answer, his eyes wavering in the dark. The alcohol grabbing hold of him in a last-ditch effort to pull him into sleep as his tongue sticks to his teeth. The words crawl out slowly, like his subconscious pushing them out. “I love you.”

Nine feels softness against his lips, a feeling he’s felt before but this time the emotions are different. It’s not a job or for pictures, it the silence of the night, the glow of the moon, the beat of the heart. Words whisper across his lips. He can taste them, the words, feel them moving down his throat and curling into his heart.

----

Nine woke up the next morning, groggily slapping the bed to try and find his phone. The screen flashed noon with a few missed text and calls. A few from Earth trying to find out if he was alive. One from Ben asking the same.

He can’t remember much, the club, the drinks. Earth sending him off. He wonders how he made it home since his recollection of it is mostly scattered darkness and warm.... warm arms?

He looks around and Joong is nowhere to be seen. It’s not abnormal to wake up and Joong not be there at least in the apartment somewhere. He wonders if Joong stayed over, was he there when Nine got home?

Something inside him felt ... off. Like he should be thinking about something and wasn’t. Was he missing a class or a meeting or.. what was this feeling?

He needed to ask someone about this, he needed to understand.

A couple of days later after their company meeting, he decided he would ask someone to help him out. He glanced around the room, everyone was packing up to leave, talking about what they were doing afterward. He just had to figure out who would be able to best answer his question. Who should he talk to...

Pavel or Dome?

Pavel or ... Ben? His mind supplies as said boy walked past him, bag in hand and hair still tied up in the top of his head like a palm tree.

No, not Ben.

He needs someone more… open. Someone he knew had already past the torch -was that a euphemism or did he just make it up, he was sure he heard it somewhere before- someone like-

“Hey, Pavel.” Nine called as he jogged over to Pavel whose hand paused on the handle of the door, “Do you have a second?”

Pavel looked to Dome with a questioning glance before turning towards Nine. “Depends on how long you need, we were about to head out.”

“It won’t take long. I promise.”

Pavel arches a brow before sighing. “Fine.”

“I’ll go on ahead then.” Dome waves as he leaves, leaving the two of them awkwardly standing by the door until Nine ushers them into a nearby empty room.

“Alright bottom, what’s up?” Pavel smirks while leaning on the table.

Nine rolls his eyes, “First off, that’s Kit. Second, really?”

Pavel shrugs noncommittally clearly still amused by their interview a couple of weeks ago week. “Fine, I’ll be serious.” Not sounding serious in the slightest. “What can I help with?”

“Well...” Nine starts, suddenly feeling the embarrassment burning his ears. Shuffling his feet he looked everywhere but Pavel, “The thing is... I... Uh…”

Pavel grabs his arms stopping his movements and forcing them to lock eyes. “I’ve got a very handsome man who is only in town for a short bit along with a supportive family waiting for me to go eat with them and as much as I would love,” the word was uncomfortably saccharine causing Nine frowned at it, “to wait for you to find the words. I don’t have time so how about instead I gue-“

“How do you know if you like someone as more than a friend?” Pavel’s hands drop from Nines arms, settling in his hips in a pensive pose, as Nine finished off in a quieter tone. “Like romantically?”

Nine bounces on his toes, fingers fidgeting with his shirt. Pavel normally playful expression has been morphed into a serious one.

“There’s a fine line between like and love.” Pavel says finally, after way too many beats of silence in Nine opinions. “The difference between liking someone and loving them is minute. Because the one you love is your best friend … but better.”

“Your best friend?” Nine mimicked.

“You wouldn’t date someone you couldn’t be friends with because that means you’re not compatible with them. You have to be compatible with the person your gonna date.”

“Compatible.” Nine mimics again and earns a questioning from Pavel.

“I guess the biggest question is, this person whom you think you like romantically. Is this person someone you could see yourself spending large amounts of time with? Sleep next to them? Waking up with them in the morning? Kissing them? Miss them? And most importantly...” Pavel grabs Nines' wrist holding the between them, forcing eye contact again. “Could you see yourself having sex with them?”

“Ahh!” Nine tried to break free so he could cover his ears but Pavel’s grip stays strong as his laughter fills the air. Nine could only pout and whine, “Why?”

Pavel chuckles as he lets go of Nines' wrists once he settles down. “I’m only partially joking. You do have to think about it though. If your answer to ‘do I want to have sex with them?’ is no. Is it because you don’t want sex at all? Or because you don’t think you could have sex with that person? If it’s the latter, maybe you shouldn’t try to do anything romantic with them because maybe you’re not compatible in that way.”

“What if... if I want to...” Nine asks tentatively, look up at Pavel with wide eyes, scared expression “But I’m not sure if they do? How do I know if they just want to be friends or like something... more?”

Pavel tilts his head, tapping his finger to his chin. “Unfortunately,” shrugging with one shoulder, “You’ll just have to ask them.”

Nine scowls, “Isn’t there like… some way that I could tell without asking?”

“Sorry kid.” Pavel ruffles his hair, “But my times up here. Good luck.” Pavel gives a two-finger salute before heading out leaving a still confused, pouting Nine standing alone in the room.

That night Nine sound himself staring at the wall as he waited for Joong to finish his shower, Pavel’s words repeating through his mind. There was no way he was going to ask Joong how he felt. He couldn’t risk Joong thinking he was weird. What if Joong were to get mad at him and never want to snuggle again? Or more importantly what if he didn’t want to be friends anymore because of the question? Nine knows he’s not a homophobe or anything because of the show but that didn’t mean that Joong wanted to be best friends with someone who was... gay? And wanted to ... kiss(?) him.

Because yes, Nine had come to the realization that he did, in fact, want to kiss Joong in a way that was not related to work. He wanted to kiss Joong like Spiderman and Mary Jane in the rain. Like the two main leads from the notebook that his sister made him because he’d never admit that he likes that movie but he wants that kiss. The one where they run-up to each other and hold each other in their arms and kiss, passionately.

How silly was he for wanting that? It was too much, this silly feeling inside him. He didn’t want it anymore.

Arms wrapped around his waist and small kiss dropped to his naked shoulder and Nines body relaxes almost instantly. Legs molded behind his and then a tender nose buried in the base of his hair, nuzzling gently before Joong stills and the light snoring, signaling sleep, plays through the room.

He wanted to do all the things with him. He wanted to hang out with Joong, all the time. Cook him food. Take care of him. Help him study. Joong was his best friend. Best friend.

But he also wanted to fall asleep next to him. Wake up with him in the morning. He wanted those small kisses on his shoulders and other places. During the time when he was awake and an active participant. It’s weird because he’s kissed Joong, many times for the show but it’s different without the camera and people there. It’s different when it’s Nine and Joong and not Kit and Ming. When he’s on set he doesn’t have the same feelings attached but here, in the dark, he wants Nine and Joong kiss. He wants feelings there.

The only thing he wasn’t 100% sure about was …the sex. He’d never had sex, though he has gotten close on a few occasions. And he especially had never had sex with another man before. It was scary to even think about it. He knew some basics from when he read the 2moons book in an effort to understand kit more but he wasn’t sure how accurate the book was, plus Beam was in pain the next day.

Was that how it always was, painful the next day?

Why did so many guys ... bottom if they are in pain the next day? Was it always painful? Was the experience that good that you dealt with the pain? Would he even bottom if the situation every arouses? Would Joong?

Nine sighed rubbing a hand over his face, he had more questions now than before.

“Nine.” A small voice whispered against his neck, “Are you ok?”

“...Y-Yeah.” He stuttered trying to hide the tension in his voice.

“You’re mumbling...” Joongs voice seems to drift in and out of consciousness. He mumbles something else but it’s unintelligible.

“I’m sorry Joong.” He pats the arm around his waist before grabbing the hand and pulling it up to kiss the knuckle. “I’ll figure this out.”

He places the hand over his chest, his own places onto of Joongs as he forces himself slide into a fitful sleep. Question flying around his head like a bullet in a gunfight, ricocheting off his consciousness.

It started when they did a live together and fans were once again, asking if they were dating. Nine jokes that it was there decision. Which was a joke but Joong seemed to take it as a hit? He sulked the rest of the night.

“Do you think dating me would be a joke?” Joong asked.

“No. of course not.”

“Would you only date me because the fans told you to?”

“No, I want to date you because I want to. I have nothing to do with them.” Nine fires back. He’s not entirely sure how this started up, it was just a joke to the fans.

“You want to.” Joongs tone is suddenly different. Softer, questioning. It raises red flags in Nines head.

“I-”

“You want to date me?” Joong asks with an even tone. Nine wants the yelling back. “As in the present tense. The current state of wanting.”

“I..” Nine starts then stops. He needs to word this carefully. He didn’t have enough time to plan out his words. He wasn’t even sure if he was ever going to tell Joong his real feelings. “I..”

“Do you like me? Like that…?”

“I… Joong…” Nine mouth flaps like a fish but he can’t find the words.

Joong nods before getting up and leaving. The door shuts quietly behind him filling the room with such a heavy silence that Nine feels suffocated. He grabs his chest, tugging on the material. It hurts. Hurts a lot.

He doesn’t know what to do now. Does he follow? Let him have space? Does he pretend it never happened?

There was no Joong for the next week.

Radio silence between them. Nine pretended that it didn’t bother him. He pretended that everything was fine. That nothing was wrong even though everything felt wrong. It felt like the earth was shifting beneath his feet and he was stuck just watching it move. He was at a complete loss as to how to go about this situation, let alone how to fix it.

Everything felt wrong and it hurt.

He stumbled into the bathroom in the morning a week after the fight and his world crumbled just a little more. Joongs toothbrush stared back at him, taunting about how alone he was currently.

It was stupid, everything was stupid. Joong was ignoring him. Joong stuff was still here. His side of the bed still smelled like him. That stupid mochi still stared at him. But it all felt too much. The apartment felt too big for just him.

The world felt too big for him lately.

Well, he thought with as much strength as he could muster if Joong was going to hang out with his own friends and ignore him that Nine was going to do the same.

So he hung out with his friends more, his family more too. He filmed with his sister and his cousin. He studied more. Practiced more. Then at night, he counted sheep until the sun rose and he pretended that nothing was bothering him.

Because nothing should be bothering him.

Joong was just a friend and friends didn’t need to be with each other all the time.

Except, it kind of felt like he needed to be with Joong. At least maybe just a little.

He moved Joongs toothbrush into the medicine cabinet to prevent himself from throwing in the toilet out of anger.

A few more days past with no sign of Joong but they had a company meeting so Nine knew that he would at least see him. It wasn’t much but you know, slight hope. Maybe.

He wasn’t expecting to see Joong flirting -openly- with the new intern. Or a bit later to see Ben nudging him teasingly as he congratulating him on his ‘night’.

How did Ben know that Joong had gone out with someone and he hadn’t? oh right, they hadn’t talked.

Was that why Joong had pulled away? He felt awkward that Nine had feelings for him when he was talking to someone else?

Wait, Had Ben just implied that Joong had lost his virginity?

The though halted everything in Nines mind. Not because he was mad about it. Joong was his own person, but because it was so sudden. Joong hadn’t even been with someone two weeks ago. He didn’t know Joong was like that.

Now Nine wasn’t sure what to think. He was already troubled with what he was supposed to do and now this.

Nine sat on the other side of the room, trying his best to close off his ears to the other conversations. He wasn’t ready to hear about Joongs ‘night’ yet. He wasn’t ready for Joong to be dating, kissing or doing anything else with someone. He had just come to terms with his feelings for the tall boy, he wasn’t ready to have them squashed yet.

He wasn't ready to not be the center of Joongs life.

So many emotions played through his head. Worried, heartache, anxiety, sadness. Too many emotions over someone who was just a friend. Over someone he wished wasn't just a friend.

He could manage to push it all back until the end of the meeting. He could ignore every pang in his heart. Smile and laugh when necessary until the meeting ended. He could do it, he was an actor after all.

“How’s it?” Pavel says as he plops down in the seat beside Nine, “Did you figure out your feelings?”

Nine looks to Joong and Ben with a frown before looking back to Pavel. “Yeah.”

“Why do you sound sad about it?”

“It didn’t work out.” Nine said picking at his jeans.

“So you talked to them?” Pavel questioned almost rhetorically, setting his chin in his palm as he sent a questioning look to Nine.

Nine scowled at his jeans, “Not exactly.” He shifts in his seat, cross and then uncrossing his legs, “But I think it’s obvious they don’t feel the same.”

Pavel leaned back in his seat, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with but you never know for sure and they might like you back.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway.” Nine looked over at him with a tight-lipped smile. “You flirt with Dome a lot.”

Pavel laughs loudly and the room quiets momentarily to look at him before he waves them off. “Trying to change the subject I see.”

Nine shrugs, a small fraction of smile try to show on his lips.

“Dome and I are happy the way things are.”

“What are things?” Nine relieved for the change in topic. Silently thanking Pavel for this brief reprieve.

Pavel shrugs. “You know, things.”

Nine shots him a glare and Pavel smiles back as he answers casually. “Dome travels a lot and has school and I’m working on pursuing my career, modeling and starting my own clothing line.” He shrugs. “We’re busy”

Nine pulls one leg up in the seat, wrapping his arms around it. “You flirt with each other all the time.”

“I flirt with everyone,” Pavel answers back honestly.

“Does it feel different with him?”

Pavel shifts, pursing his lips. “If it does?”

Nine pulls his other leg up to lay his head on them, looking at Pavel. “Do you have feelings for him?”

“If I do?”

Nine snorts, rolling his eyes. Then he sighs and looks into Pavel’s eyes, asking. “Do you?”

“I love Dome but where we are in life right now, it’s not romantic.” He shifts in his seat as if he wants to say more, lip sucked between his teeth before he smiles. “I’d be lying if I said we never did anything together.” Pavel nudges him with a wink “Friends with benefits, you know.”

Nine covers his ears with a groan. “Pavel!” Again his loud laughter silences the room momentarily.

“You can be jealous all you want.”

“I’m not-” Nine grumbles before huffing. He was jealous. Jealous because Pavel and Dome had some semblance of a relationship that worked from them and he couldn’t even talk to Joong because stupid Joong had been avoiding him.

“Like I said before, gotta talk to them. Dome and I got to where we are right now because we talk to each other. We were open from the start about what we wanted and needed. It's a good relationship,” Pavel leaned in closer, their faces almost touching, his a low whisper yet his words were as loud as screaming. “Plus I know for a fact Joong wants that with you.”

Pavel just smiled at Nines wide eyes expression as he sputters out. “How did you-”

“Alright, guys let’s get started.” Their produce calls closing the door behind him.

Nine let his legs fall back to the ground and as he sits up straight. Pavel knew. Nine eyes Pavel before he slowly looks to Joong on the other side of the room. Joong’s expression shifts from angry too passive as soon as they make eye contact. What was his problem?

Nine picks at the hole in his jeans. There’s no way that Joong wants to do those things. Pavel is just being facetious. Joong has been actively avoiding him because of mention just that. That Nine wanted to try and date Joong.

Although, admittedly, he did miss Joong. A lot. Maybe he should try and talk to Joong. If not about his feelings but at least to see where they stood.

To see if they were even still friends.

They did not end up talking, at least not for a little while. Though it wasn’t for lack of effort on Nines part, because he had tried. He tried to stop Joong before he left the building after the meeting but Joong dodged him like some prisoner on the run from the cops.

Nine had tried texting him. The messages still hadn’t been read yet.

He stopped by Joongs apartment, a couple of times and to no avail, the door stayed tightly shut.

Even now, as he stood in front of the door, the door which he knew held Joong because the other had just finished a live with his cousin. He knew the asshole was in there. Nine bangs on the door a few more times, each time louder than the last.

“Open up you fucker!” He resisted the urge to slap his mouth, he didn’t have to follow those rules if Joong was going to be ignoring him. “Why are you ignoring me?!”

Someone opened their door down the hall shushing him, he apologized softly before turning back to the door.

“Why?” He whisper-yelled letting his head fall against the door, hand twisting the knob listlessly. “Why?” He whispers this time, to not disturb the others on the floor.

He was mad. Beyond mad. Nine was confused and angry and wanted to punch Joong in the face. He couldn’t understand why Joong was doing this. Why was he being like this?

-----

It was three days after that when he finally -Finally- heard something from Joong. And by heard something it was more like was attacked by.

It was past one in the morning, Nine had been trying to sleep when his door slams open. Startled, he jumps out of bed and grabs the first thing he could, running at the dark figure.

He tripped over a shirt, stumbling before half-kicking and half- bouncing off the wall to punch at the dark figure. It connected with a grunt. A hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, his other hand reached out to hit with his … A lotion bottle. Fuckin great weapon choice there Nine, he mentally berated as he swiped at the attacker with it. Another hand reached out and grabbed his wrist so tight the lotion bottle tumbled from this grasp. Nine shifts to one leg, pushing his knee up only to have his body pushed back. Stumbling around feet and forgotten clothes on the ground, they crashed into the bed.

“Stop trying to hit me.” The voice growled as Nine tried to bring his knee up again only for it to get capture between an elbow and an abdomen. “Stop it.”

“Joong?” Nine freezes, recognizing the voice, “What the fuck?!” He tried to twist so he could use his elbow as a weapon but Joong pushed his wrist out straightening his arms along the bed.

“Stop trying to hit me.” Joong said again, a little more forcefully this time. Hands tightening around Nine wrists almost painfully.

“I’ll stop hitting you when you stop attacking me in the middle of the fucking night!”

Then silence. Heavy breathing echoed through the room.

Nines heart racing against his chest from both fear and curiosity. Why had Joong suddenly shown up? Better yet, why the fuck was it in the middle of the night like some crazy person breaking into his apartment?

Then after a prolonged silence, Joongs hands relaxed before extracting themselves completely from Nines as he sat up. Slowly moving to across the room to shut the door, flipping on the small light in the kitchen.

Nine sat up, swiping a shirt off his floor as his nerves started to settle, leaving behind only chill bumps on his skin.

“Why are you here?” He asks softly as Joong grabs a water bottle from the fridge.

“You said I was always welcome.”

“Tsk.” Nine throws a nearby pillow at him, it smacks his leg before falling to the ground unnoticed. “It’s one in the fucking morning asshole.”

“I thought we weren't cursing anymore.”

“Fuck you.” Nine grabbed the mochi plush to fling at Joong as well, this time it hit his stomach before landing on the ground, rolling a few feet before staring at Nine with its smiling face. At this moment he wanted nothing more than ripping the smile of the plushies face.

Joong pushed off the counter, tossing the empty bottle into the sink before taking two steps forward and stopping. “Are you angry?”

“Am I-” Nine fumbles off the bed, stalking forward, arm pulled back, ready for action. “Am I angry?!” He swung, connecting with Joongs cheek, not nearly as much force as he wanted but at the bottom of his heart, he didn’t actually want to hurt his friend.

Ok, maybe at this moment, just a little bit.

“Yes, I’m fucking angry!” This time the punch connected with Joongs stomach.

“Nine,” Joong starts quietly as he grabs the hand flying his way before a third hit could land. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry.” Nine tugging at his wrist, “You’re sorry?” He repeated louder. What kind of statement was that? Joong was sorry so he crashed into his house in the middle of the night and attacked him. Because he was sorry.

Nine struggled to get his hand free as Joong stared intently, waiting impatiently for him to calm down. “Sorry is not an excuse. You’re still an asshole and I don’t accept your apology!”

“I’m sorry,” Joong repeated.

“Stop it!” Nine struggled harder, his free hand pushing at Joongs chest. “Stop saying things you don’t mean.”

“You’re crying.” He froze at Joongs words and he felt it, the tear roll down his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Nine opened his mouth to yell again when he was pulled roughly into Joongs chest, arms wrapping tight around him. Nine tried his best to ignore the tears that flowed down his cheeks -they didn’t deserve his attention- as a hand cupped his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Nine answers with a wet, shaky voice. Nine hands thump against Joongs chest before pulling the material into his fist. “Stopping saying things you don’t mean.”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

"You can't just avoid me and ignore me and then waltz in and expect a ‘sorry’ to fix everything." The hands tighten around Nine and a small sniffle was pressed into his neck. "Why?" He croaked out.

“I’ve been so confused after you admitted that you might want to date me.” Joong starts slowly swiping his fingers over Nine's wet cheeks, “So I went to my cousin for help and she recommended that I try and date a girl.”

Nine pushed at the chest but the arms didn’t budge. “She told me that I might be confused, that I was just spending too much time with you and because we are close friends and I've never had a girlfriend before, that I was just confused. I just need to try and date girls. I mean I was, no am, confused. She set me up with one girl but I left halfway through the night because she wasn’t… wasn’t right. I couldn’t figure out why until the next girl my cousin set me up. That girl was… was too much. She was too…”

“Too?”

“Too female.”

Nine let his arms fall to his sides, shifting his head to wipe his cheeks on Joong's shirt. “So you stopped talking to me because you dated a girl who was too female?”

“No, I avoided you because throughout that whole date all I could think was that I wanted it to be you instead.” The room shifted, something felt different in the air almost like a fog or the way the world felt calm before a storm. “We were drinking and she kissed and touched me and I tried, I really did, I tried to like it. But she wasn’t you. And I hate myself for not liking it. I hate myself even more because I wanted it to be you touching me in that way. I wanted to be kissing you and touching you.”

“You lost your virginity to a girl you didn’t like?”

“No, I pushed her away because we were drunk.” Joong snapped back.

The room was too warm now like someone had turned off the AC. Nine shifted pushing at Joongs chest again but this time the arms loosened and Joong took a step back. “I’m still confused.”

“I talked with Pavel today. Or rather Pavel kicked in my door and talked to me.” Joong shoves his hands in his pockets, lowering his head. “He said I was being stupid and destructive.”

“He’s right.”

“Maybe.” Joong shrugged, “Yeah, he was right,” lips creeping up into a small smile. “But he also helped me understand.”

“Understand what?” Nine furrowed his brows.

Joong waits till he catches Nines' eyes before he says, “That I love you.”

“Bullshit.” Nine growls, Joong stumbles at the push. “You-”

“Nine wait.”

“I cannot believe you. I accidentally let it slip that I might be ok with us dating. Not in a joking manner and you ignoring, avoid me and make me think that you hate me.” He growls when he feels more tears on his cheeks. Why was he even crying? It just fueled his anger more as he wills himself to stop the tears. “I was so worried I’d lost you as a person. As a friend. You made me rely on you. Need you. Love you. And left me like I didn’t even matter. You didn’t even have the gall to talk to me about your problems. ”

Nine took two heavy steps forward, hands outstretched. “Then waltz back into my life in the middle of the night.”

Nine pushes at his chest forcing Joong to take a step back, “Tell me that suddenly you're gay.”

Another push. “Tell me that you love me”

Another push and thump as Joongs back connects with the wall, “You just expect me to forgive you. Pretend nothing happened.”

Joong slowly reached up, fingers wrapping around the hands on his chest. Joong leans in slowly, his lips brushing over the wet cheeks. “I know I did a stupid thing. I’m sorry.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I know that now.”

“Good,” Nine huffs. “I’m glad you realize that.” Nine lets his shoulders drop as the tension seems to ease in the air.

“Do you accept my apology now?” Joong kisses the cheek again, suck just a bit so it popped when he pulled back. Nine pouts swiping at his cheek. Joong chuckles doing it again just to see Nine nose scrunch up in annoyance.

“I’m getting there.” Nine answers, wrapping his arms around Joong's neck.

Joong stared down at him with a soft smile. Nine shared one back. “You know if you are gay you can’t get rid of it by dating a girl.”

Joong groans, his head falling back to hit the wall. “I was confused and someone told me it might work. Plus like what if I was just confused…" Joong head lulls to the side, glancing at nine with a smile. “I mean it’s just you that I like.”

“Do you still like girls?” Nine asks ignoring the subtle flirt.

“I guess, maybe… Do you?”

Nine shrugged back. It hadn't really thought about too much. He still found girls attractive but since Joong showed up he hadn’t actively wanted to date anyone, male or female, just Joong.

“I think I might like both,” Joong admits, shifting to meet Nine eyes. “I’m not sure of too many things in my life. I know that I like being around you. I like holding you.” Joongs hands tightening around Nines' waist. “I like it when I’m the reason you smile.”

“I do have a cute smile.”

“You have cute cheeks.” Joong chuckles at the glare, moving slowly to kiss Nines other cheek. “I think the realization that maybe I did love you and that you might actually love me back through me off-kilter. I just needed time to process. Figure things out.”

“You needed Pavel to slap you back into shape.”

Joong rolled his eyes, “Yeah maybe. Maybe I did just need someone to spell it out for me.”

Joong kisses the cheek once more before moving to kiss Nines temple. “To tell me why I liked having you in my arms.”

A kiss to the forehead. “Why I craved your attention.”

The other temple. “Why, you made me feel complete”

Another kiss tot her forehead. “You know why?” Nine hummed in reply.

Joong kisses his nose. “Because I loved you long before I realize it. Maybe since the day I meet you.”

The lips kiss the corner of Nines' mouth. “Like I was fated to love you.”

Nine snorts, ducking his head, ears and cheeks burning at the admission. “I’m still mad at you. Being sweet won’t change that.”

Joong smiles, nudging his face up with a finger on his chin before leaning in for a small peck. “It might help.”

“You’re still getting punished.” Nine pinches the back on Joongs neck earning a hiss.

“Kinky.” Joong wiggled his brows then laughed when Nine smacked his chest.

They talk a bit more, trying to gain a better understanding of what they were now before Nine ushered them to bed when he realized how late it was.

“Nai, where’s my toothbrush.”

“In the cabinet.”

“Why?”

“So I didn’t throw it in the toilet.”

“Yeah ok make sense I guess.”

When Joong was finished brushing his teeth, as they settled in bed, Joong didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Nine. Push his face into the back of his neck, even dropping a few soft kisses.

“Now that we’re, you know dating and whatnot, you should talk to me instead of avoiding me.”

“I will, I promise.”

“You better.” Nine pulled Joongs hand to lay over his heart.

“Goodnight Nai.”

Nine turned enough to kiss fully on the lips. It was soft and gentle. Like a refreshing breeze on a hot day. The feeling of things falling back into place. Nine pulled away with a smile, rubbing their noses together before shifting back around.

“Goodnight Joong.”

Rather than being about excitement and lust, a soul mate relationship is characterized by such things as a shared life path, a sense of comfort and ease, and a genuine liking of each other. – Katherine Woodward Thomas

#joong archen aydin #Nine Kornchid #j9 #JoongNine #somewhat non linear story telling #partially cannon #my writing #fanfic #J9 fanfic #i'm not super happy with it #I might fix it later on #or write a diffrent version #i don't know #hopefully you guys enjoy it #FLUFF #SNUGGLES

87 notes · View notes

dearheartwitcher · 4 years ago

Text

ocs masterpost

for ease of access! in-depth descriptions of all my favorite ocs, all in one post. you can find even more of my ocs (brief descriptions + reference images) over on my art fight page! (you have to be logged in to view!)

[[MORE]]

DnD Characters:

note: for some of these, i have to omit large portions of info as i am either actively playing them, or saving them for a future campaign, and i dont want anyone im playing with to see and accidentally spoil themselves

Fennryn Autumntide—

They were separated from their parents as a baby, and instead raised by an older dwarven woman named Rhiannon Autumntide (AKA Anna). They lived in the forest on the mountain together. She taught them how to fend for themself, and a basic respect for nature and other living things. Their relationship was very teacher/student, but as the years went by they saw each other as family. Fenn solidified this by taking Anna’s last name when they were of age. Eventually, Anna passed away, and Fenn was left in the woods alone.

Fearful of dying alone without ever having experienced life off of the mountain, Fenn sets out to find an adventure. And they find one, alongside a younger tiefling man named Finn. Finn is an experienced pirate, but he is vulnerable. Finn and Fenn trust each other explicitly, and after some time, they fall in love.

Fenn is tall, muscular, and an older elf. They’re around middle aged.

Alistair—

Alistair is a mystery. They are a bizarre-looking half-elf, with a wicked grin, and glowing cyan eyes that lack pupils. They are seemingly fairly young, despite their hair beginning to grow white at the roots.

Alistair is extremely curious, and values sating that curiosity above most things. They spend much of their time exploring and researching. They also have a complete lack of respect for personal boundaries, and love to study and inspect whoever they can get their hands on. (They’re good with a pair of pliers, if you’re willing to let them pull a tooth. They’d be happy to show you their collection.)

Alistair also thrives on positive attention, especially from people who don’t give it easily. Perhaps that’s why they insist on hanging off of Frey as much as they do. Frey Matthias Wolfe is a rich bastard. He’s a man of study as well, but he’s a real mean bitch. And Alistair loves him.

Alistair’s patron... Is a whole other story. One that will remain secret, for now.

Jesse—

Jesse was spawned from the thought “I should make a mean nerd for everyone to bully!” And the execution, imo, was flawless. A 24 year old human man. Jesse is a bard, and he hates it. He has been traveling on his own for a while, and finished his bard college education a couple years ago. He’s pretty studious, and he’s determined to learn everything related to magic that he can.

Despite being a jackass, and kind of a stick in the mud, he does have some semblance of a sense of humor. He also likes to use his intelligence and skill to feel superior to the people around him as often as possible. He is visibly extremely disturbed by corpses.

Jesse is very vague about his past and his reasons for traveling alone.

Ford—

Ford is my newest character! He is a firbolg cowboy. Extremely tall (approaching 8’), with a powerful build. I can’t say much about him yet! He is seemingly very friendly and happy to lend a helping hand whenever he can. He has a sister, named Clementine, who owns a small grocery store.

Cressida:

(note: cressida city + the world its a part of belongs to my boyfriend @ghost-gore ! all the characters that mine know belong to him as well. warning for gore on his blog.)

Ellis—

Ellis is a demon who works in limbo under a man named Crow. Ellis is technically speaking, pretty old, but he looks just as much the young man he was when he died. He keeps his long hair back in a ponytail, and can’t seem to ever wear his suit properly.

Ellis’ powers allow him to see and alter people’s memories. Limbo, as it works out, is a mess of memories. He is always very busy keeping things in order. He’s no stranger to making mistakes, but he has a knack for fixing them to make up for it. When he has a moment to himself, he likes to slip into the dreams of humans. He thinks they’re interesting! (But he keeps accidentally bringing them nightmares...oops. Don’t worry, he can fix it!)

Ellis is in love with his boss, and has been for over a century. He has a hard time keeping it subtle, but fortunately(??) Crow is oblivious. But a century is a long time... And things have gotten intimate between them more than once.

He is also good friends with a much older demon, named Cordia. They like to meet up for drinks, and bond over funny cat pictures.

Rosier—

Rosier is an old, powerful demon. He was once a high-ranking officer in “Hell”’s military. He was charming, and an excellent strategist. (Having a powerful beast form also helps.)

However, something triggered him severely. In a frenzied panic, he shifted into his beast form and flew off.

As a beast, he has large red eyes, long antennae, sharp claws, and huge black wings. Years passed as he isolated himself, and legends spread of the Mothman. Rosier lost himself more and more, until he lost the ability to speak. He stopped seeing any people as the apocalypse happened all around him.

Later, living in the ruins outside of Cressida, he is found by a young hero named Ghost. Ghost is initially intimidated by Rosier, and treats him as an enemy. They fight a few times, before Ghost realizes that Rosier isn’t necessarily a foe— he’s just defending himself. Ghost then begins to treat Rosier almost as a pet.

After some time rehabilitating Rosier, Ghost brings him back to Orion HQ, where they work for Cordia. Cordia is one of very few demons old enough to recognize Rosier.

Eventually, Rosier is able to read, speak, and transform back into a more human shape. He still retains a few of his moth form’s traits, including fully red eyes, fur here and there, and limbs that fade to near-black at the tips.

Cyrus Darcy—

Cyrus is a rich bitch whore. He cares about three things ONLY: wine, sex, and himself. Money is power and he has more than enough of it. His parents passed away when he was a teenager, and they left him a fortune.

Cyrus always gets what he wants. If money can’t get it for him, he has another trick up his sleeve that can. Cyrus is a celestial, meaning a human born with supernatural powers. Cyrus has the power of suggestion, meaning that he can give anyone a short command that they are compelled to follow.

Cyrus has all the makings of a villain, but in actuality he is very neutral. He just wants to have a good time unbothered. He uses his powers mostly to get randos to leave him alone. (Randos like Arley and Kier, who are sent by Cordia to recruit Cyrus for Orion. It takes a while.)

Evelyn—

Evelyn (AKA Evie) was born in the Victorian Era, to a rich father. With money and good looks, she was often pursued by men wishing to court and marry her. She was disinterested in all of them. She preferred to spend her time reading and studying. Evelyn loved to learn, but she also loved a good romance or fantasy to sweep her off her feet.

Enter Cordia, who spent her Victorian days posing as a man. They had a passionate love affair, until Cordia made a sudden exit from Evelyn’s life.

Many years later, Evelyn awakens in the afterlife as an angel. When she and Cordia meet again, it is as equals and business partners.

She is now working as a librarian/an archivist. She also boxes, because she likes to feel strong.

Marcy—

Marcy is a thotty rave twink. They love music, they love neons, and they love to flirt. Marcy is very enthusiastic, and they are a little bit in love with basically everyone. They flirt constantly, and are not shy with physical affection. They like to do drugs and make out and they’re happy to do that with pretty much anyone who’s willing.

Marcy is also a celestial. Their powers allow them to control their personal gravity. They can jump really high, and come down hard, among other things! They mostly use it to help themself go fast. They used to be in roller derby! And they still love to skate.

(ps they have thighs for days and an ass that wont quit. thank u)

Other:

Bonnie Briary—

My newest oc! She belongs to a world where monsters are real, but hidden. Monsters aren’t super common, and they generally avoid integration with human society. (The setting is also a blend of modern + victorian fantasy. Think Lemony Snicket ambiguity.)

Bonnie is shy, sweet, and curious. She likes to study plants in particular. Her style of choice is cottagecore/fairycore blend. She has a garden that she loves very much.

Faust (belongs to tovomiel on ig), is a trash punk gargoyle monster, who for some reason has decided he likes Bonnie. He teases her relentlessly and loooooves to make her flustered. The catch is, he’s too shy to make a move beyond teasing and the occasional kiss. Bonnie, sweet as she is, is dying for him to stop leaving her hanging. Shenanigans ensue.

#knock knock its knuckles #ocs #oc masterpost #i will put this in my links page later tonight!

2 notes · View notes

titleknown · 6 years ago

Text

Three More Movies That Don’t Exist

So, since “everbody” liked my movies that don’t exist article, here’s more! CC0 for all to use, except Helltell which as a name belongs to @artemispanthar, and would only be released with their permission.

Behind The Castle Door- Considered the Annie Hall of horror movies for multiple reasons, the film was meant to be a relatively simple affair; a horror movie, about a bunch of monsters killing people in a castle.

Though, despite its simplicity, it was actually a rather ambitious production for the fledgling company, a fandom operation similar to the production of The Deadly Spawn whose producer by the name of Ray Gardner had ambitions to become a full-on producing operation akin to what Charles Band was doing in that period.

The first mistake was that to shoot the production over the widely spaced locations; using multiple castles for the sake of creating a weird feel because; again; fan production, the director decided to have two separate directors shoot the film simultaneously at different locations.

One of them was Al Mason; a veteran at these sorts of B-movies whom the producer was a huge fan of, and who was looking to make a comeback by making a more visceral; gory version of the sorts of films he used to make. The other was Marty Ralston; a friend of the producer’s from art school, who wanted to make it a deep psychological piece where the monsters were hallucinations based on the main characters’ torment.

Both of them hated each other, and immediately began undermining each others’ visions. When Al did a lurid gore scene, Marty immediately set up the next scene in the story to directly contradict it continuity-wise. When Marty did a hallucination scene, Jim used injury makeup to clearly mark the wounds from that scene as real, and so-on.

It got to the point where, without Gardner’s consent; the two began altering the script without Gardner’s consent to reach their own vision of what they saw for the film.

Of course, the dailies were a godawful mess. To the point where the editor, one Layla Rose, in frustration with the incompetence around her decided to secretly make her own secondary cut out of the footage. Which was fortuitous, given that when he found out what they were doing; during the time where the production should have wrapped; Gardner fired the two directors in a huff of rage, and had to figure out what the fuck to do with the footage the next morning.

But, her original cut was surprisingly good. To the point where when she asked for permission to shoot extra footage to fill out the film, her request was granted. Albeit, some of her most ambitions ideas clearly had to be compromised due to a shortened shooting schedule and the need to reuse previously made creature effects (Along with a few memorable pieces of public-domain footage), but the final effort did indeed manage to impress, and did manage to be enough of a steady seller on video to make a decent profit; and to launch Rose’s career in directing (Though sadly not Gardner’s producing company).

The core concept of the original film is kept, people stumbling into a castle and unleashing a horde of monsters, but the idea added both by voiceover; the new scenes; and the clever editing; is that this is happening to two different people at two different times, though whether it is due to one taking place later or them being parallel universes is unclear until the end.

The film’s a philosophical look at the parallelism of history; even though on closer inspection that was very clearly not the intention of the original script; which reportedly was a more simple; classic fannish project.

Which, does at least shine through with the creature designs; which were very clearly where most of the film’s budget was spent, taking influences from Heironymous Bosch but also extremely original in their own right (”Lady Lance”/”Lust Lance” appears to be most fans’ favorite, though I have a soft spot for “Trashcan” myself) ; the mechanism of the various puppets being very simple and effective for their job as demons haunting a castle, to the point where they were reused in various other films, though it doesn’t quite match the king of such films...

Staboratory- This was the one time notorious producer Ronnie Sharikov directed a film, and if it’s any indication, it shows why he left the production to others.

It’s a simple dirt-cheap slasher film shot on shitteo; with poor blocking; actors that often have flubs left in, continuity and effects errors that boggle the mind, and more terrible; terrible acting via post-production dubbing than you can imagine, all shot in what looks like a college science lab rented out over the summer.

But, what makes it bizarrely compelling is how viscerally unpleasant it is. The characters all hate each other; the men are misogynistic glory hungerers who torture their experiments (Represented often by crude puppets that at best look like a bootleg Boglin and at worst look like a used jizz-sock); the women are varying proportions of “nagging harpy” and “gross misogynist fantasy,” which might I add leads to the most unpleasant sex scene I have viewed on film.

But, the most unsettling thing is how it all feels like they’re essentially a family that hates each other, with that subtle; icy strain of emotional abuse that knots up my stomach. Jordy is the goddamn worst about it, a bullying brute of a man who’s the closest thing to a “hero” with everything about him feeling like the sort of “Primal scream against one’s father” Raymond Spum would have put in his films, except less good.

The narrative seems to be saying that the “monster;” a thing that looks like it’s made of dryer lint and shame; is killing them off, but there’s also some contradictory implications that one of them is doing the killing, or maybe they’re all halucinating the monster?!

IDK, look it up only if you hate yourself.

Helltell- The late-70s film that put Walton Buckner truly on the map; the production of this film was largely uneventful, with the budget being higher than any Ronnie had previously worked with; large amounts of costume recycling from other productions to save that still-modest budget where they needed it; and the shooting on a singular location; the notorious Sonora Sunset, Tucson’s equivalent to the Bradbury Building with just as long a history.

But, the uneventful production is likely why it ended up as popular as it was, the story of a detective deliberately staying at a mysterious hotel where multiple very wealthy people have disappeared, only to find the inhabitants are far stranger than he had thought; and the hotel seems to be far larger in far stranger ways than he thought.

The simple premise of the film does not at all sum up the nature of the film, with its halucinatory qualities and tendency to digress into strange side stories, the usually trite premise of a hotel “punishing” those for their sins made fresh by the introduction of not only an outsider, but the strange labyrinthine dive into its metaphysical workings; complete with characterizing the monstrous inhabitants who would normally be simple one-off scares.

In its way, it does seem to be an extension of the previous aesthetics and concepts of the director’s March Of The Puppetmaster; to the point it is speculated that the elevator operator; who re-uses the Rat King’s mask from that film; may even be the same entity as that film.

Of course, we cannot speak of the franchise without first talking about the Bellboy, the beautiful man who is seemingly head of the titular Helltell with the strange deformed eye; played by the mysterious; wildly charismatic Titus "Count” Ajax.

He seemingly showed up one day; on audition; and was basically hired on the spot. He was, by all accounts, a social butterfly despite seemingly nobody on the production having met him before, though he always shied away from conversation about his past, and strangely insisted on never being seen shirtless and never being seen leaving the filming location.

But of course, this would only become more of a mystery until its ultimate; anticlimactic conclusion; so we’ll save that for later...

#apologies for how super late this was #fictional movies #things that don't exist #movies that don't exist #my writing #drabbles

19 notes · View notes

officialthiamlibrary · 7 years ago

Text

Welcome to another profile on Behind the Screens, giving you personal insight on who your favorite creators are and what they do when they aren’t wowing you with their creative ability.

This week, I’m excited to bring to you our first artist, Dalyane, or Da-Smiley99. Although, in her case, a more appropriate title would be jack-of-all-trades. As our resident fic writer, song-inspired pic spam creator, and incorrect quote aficionado, she shares her inspiration behind incorrect quotes, her writing persona, her meta-author plans to dictate Thiam’s relationship, and much more! Take a look :)

So, Dalyane, let’s ease our way into things. Tell us about yourself. The catch: the word count should be equal to or less than the number of letters in your two favorite Teen Wolf characters’ name.

Stiles Stilinski + Theodore Raeken = 25 : My name’s Dalyane, I’m a ray of sunshine in human form. What I want the most is to make people happy with what I do.

And, how did you find the Thiam pack? What about Theo x Liam drew you in?

To be honest, I don’t have the slightest idea. It just came smoothly to me. When I saw Theo and Liam interacting, I was just drawn into it. I was drawn by the silent conversations in their eyes, every word that came out of their mouths that sometimes meant something else or something they haven’t said, their mutual violence towards each other. (I absolutely hate violence, but I don’t know why I’m deeply hypnotized by their banter and their complicated Like/Hate relationship).

I’m like the most oblivious person ever, I wouldn’t even know if somebody is hitting on me, but there’s something romance-worthy (Is that even a word?) about their complicated relationship that drew me in the Thiam fandom.

Not mentioning Theo’s past, Liam eventually learned to trust him at some point even if he was still a little hostile towards Theo. A little part of himself learned to forgive him, so he could fight alongside him. In the entire sixth season, I felt like they developed a whole new relationship based on building trust. Apart, Liam and Theo are quite strong alone, but together they cooperate, fight and act like they were a “whole”. Liam may not trust Theo yet, but I felt like his body, his own being told the opposite. I was extremely glad to see their relationship grow with their characters. So long story short, I just basically just dived into it. And it’s without a damn shame that I can say that I don’t even regret liking them together. And it’s also not because of the amazing, beautiful and breathtaking gifsets on Tumblr...Not at all.

Yes!! That sums up their relationship perfectly and worded so well. Let’s keep that going for a moment. Say this was a ‘Stranger Than Fiction’ situation and you could alter their relationship, their lives with your writing. How would they live through the following scenarios:

a. Their First Date:

Oh, they would know for sure they’re on a date, even if it’s not a date. Theo and Liam would hear my annoying voice every five minutes. Like Liam would ask Theo to hang out at his place, it’s just two dudes hanging out, nothing extraordinary really. But I would still break the nice atmosphere by saying random things that comes from their heads. Like -Wow, Theo’s ass looks great in those Jeans, Liam thought- or -Had Liam’s lips always been that pink?- and God, they would be as red as tomatoes. Awkward much.

b. Their child’s first boyfriend/girlfriend

Theo would absolutely refuse to admit or say out loud that he doesn’t like his child’s significant other. It would hurt his pride, but he doesn’t want to hurt his small bean and his husband, Liam. Of course it’s my job! Theo would be outraged, but it would be so worth it.

c. Their first conflict as an official couple

Because of me, their fight would last for 5 minutes maximum. They would be in a situation where Theo would get jealous because he thought some random guy was flirting with Liam, when in fact he was just being super friendly. So Theo was being an asshole out of jealousy. Liam would start getting angry at him, asking what was his problem but Theo wouldn’t respond. I would just whisper in the air: “Hey, he was jealous you dummy.“ Then they would apologize to each other, followed quickly by a make out session. Yeah, you’re welcome Thiam.

Haha, honestly, they’d be lucky to have you running the show! Piggy-backing off the craziness you’d put them through, sometimes, characters find themselves in situations they aren’t sure they can get out of. In your life, is there a time you found yourself in a situation like that and what did you do?

Oh god. Almost nothing happened to me in my life. But I will share this particularly embarrassing moment of me. So one day I was going to my high school, I was inside the school bus. But suddenly the bus stopped at my old middle school, then our chauffeur turned to us saying our high school was closed because of the snow.

So we went inside the middle school to call our parents so they can pick us up. But that day my mom was working, so she wasn’t available. My grandma didn’t pick up the phone either. So I was like “I can’t stay here anyway, what should I do?” Then my stupid old self just got out of the school, walking all the way to my home. Yeah, I was pretty stupid back then.

I was freezing and couldn’t see a damn thing in front of me because I was in the middle of a snowstorm. A random guy slowed his car close to me and asked me if I want to get in. Then I remembered what my mom said about getting in a car with a stranger, Oh hell no. I lied saying I was close to home, so he would leave me alone. It worked.

30 minutes later I think, another car stopped close to me and a woman speaks to me, “Get in, I won’t let you freeze on the road.” I hesitated, obviously. Until I saw my friend in the passenger seat. Finally, I got home safely! I was incredibly embarrassed and horrified; I felt like an idiot. I never thought that I would get home. Holy molly, that was terrifying. When my mom asked why I was home early, I lied to her saying that the chauffeur brought all the students home in the morning. Well, I’ll never ever do that again.

Oh my goodness! Girl, I’m glad you got home ok and didn’t freeze to death! Before we jump into your work, who would be on your ultimate paintball/laser tag team. Any five characters from Teen Wolf. Also, Why?

I would have Stiles on my team, because he’s extremely smart and no doubt he would make up an excellent strategy on the field. I would have Theo, he’s also smart, but he’s a bit reckless and surely takes risks a lot so it can come in handy. I would have Malia, she’s a badass and would dominate the field with some girl power! (You go girl!) I would have Corey, he’s very subtle, doesn’t make a sound and he definitely would blend in the background and that is definitely handy for sure. What a great sneaky sniper.

For the last member of my team, I would take Mason, he will probably use his charm and his charisma to lure the opposite team’s members. Or just make jokes and references to his favorite Tv shows. That kinda does the job too.

Perfect! And now your work! *Rubbing my hands together in anticipation*

You do a little bit of it all when it comes to creating for Thiam: fanfiction, fanart, edits, incorrect quotes. Which would you say is your favorite art form? And how do you balance creating them all?

I guess my favorite form of art is writing. I had a talent for writing since I was a kid. I could express myself better on paper than with my voice. Many people had a hard time to believe that everything I wrote came from my mind, because I can’t express myself properly when I talk. For me, writing is an art and fanfics are masterpieces. Writing has been a way for me to escape the real world, my problems and my worries. Writing is a way for me to talk indirectly to readers and expressing my feelings to them through my writing.

It’s kinda hard to balance my creativity in my posts, because I always do something different. If I see something I like on Tumblr, Instagram or Twitter, I tried to include it in them. I always try to get better. I’m trying to find my own style and keep it. I’m saying it again, I want to make people happy with what I do and when I get positive comments on my works, that makes me want to get better. A part of me does all of this for my followers, to put a smile on their faces or make them laugh. Seeing them happy makes me happy too.

And, if your process was a person, describe them. What do they do? Wear? Listen to?

Well, she’s pretty thoughtful. She always paces back and forth in her room, trying to find a title to her work. She bases her work mostly on the title, that is most of the time based on a song. She’s always in PJ’s and some good old crocs. She just sit on her bed, listening to her favorite songs, TV shows, movies or her favorite YouTubers. She’s a little lazy girl, I guess. I can’t really blame her, it’s how she is. :)

What would you say is both your (and her) Writing Kryptonite, haha? How do you fight it?

It’s really strange, but I can’t write anything if I don’t listen to some music. Music always has been the source of my imagination, I just didn’t realize it until a few months ago. If I don’t have my phone and headphones on me, I can’t do anything. I need music to write. Depending to the meaning, the lyrics and the beat of the songs I listen to, my works change. If I write something sad, I listen to songs about heartbreak, death, breakups, etc. If I write something fluffy and happy, I will listen to songs about happy endings, falling in love, weddings,etc.

When I know exactly what to write (theme, feeling expressed in it and other minimal things), I know instantly what song to listen to. Every time there’s music in my ears, I get in my own writing world and my hands just start tapping on my keyboard on their own. This is pretty unique, huh? Music gets me really emotional and I can’t do anything about it. It’s very strange. Since Music is the source of my creativity and imagination, it’s very rare that I have writer’s block.

To get rid of my writer’s block, I simply sit back on my couch and close my eyes, listening to some soft music. I take a break, because I can’t write something for a whole day, I would get a huge migraine. I would just relax and let everything come to me.

Your love for writing with music. Is that what inspires your song edits, like this one? What makes a song shout Thiam to you? How do you choose images that embody both the song, their relationship, and your writing for it?

I always choose a song that reflects their complicated relationship and what they’ve been through. I choose songs that are very specific for them, that express their banter, their problems and their backstories. Depending on the songs I choose for my edits, the colors, the pictures and themes are different with each one. For example, for a sad song, the colors and pictures of my edits will be darker, the theme of the edit will likely be sadness, sorrow, breakups,etc. For a more happy-go-lucky song, the colors and pictures will be clearer and brighter, and the theme of the edit will be happiness, calmness, comfort, etc.

Everything I do in my edits will change with the song I choose. I chose pictures very carefully, they have to call to me (my creative style, I mean). When I find something perfect for my edits, I just know it. It’s hard to explain it, but I can feel it in my gut when I got something good. I’m a weird phenomenon.

And, incorrect quotes. How do those come to you too? Are they inspired by things you see of hear in everyday life?

Most of them are inspired by my favorite YouTubers: Game Grumps. It’s a gaming channel, where two grown men play some video games while sassing each other, telling semi-bad jokes, swearing 95% of the time and saying perfect incorrect quotes material. Most of them came from the mouth of these awesome guys. Is it the time when I say you should check their channel out? Yeah, go check it, please. :)

Oh wow, one of my roommates watches their channel religiously!! I’ll have to join her sometimes, when I hear them blaring from her room haha. You’ve recently started a new multi-chapter fic, Catch & Release. Can you give us a quick summary, for anyone unfamiliar.

The story happens one year after the events of season 6. A mysterious girl come knocking on Liam and Theo’s door, seeking their help. Her name is Skye Andrews.She’s a true Alpha who’s fighting against an hostile pack that plans to take Canada. When they saw that she wasn’t a threat and saying the truth, Liam and Theo accepted to help her, also accepting coming to Canada.

And did something inspire the concept?

I don’t even know. It just weirdly came to me just like that, while I was listening to the song “Catch & Release” by Matt Simons.The story made itself when I listened to the lyrics of the song. Now you know where the title came from.

Finally, you know I have to ask. Are there any spoilers you can slip us?

Eventually you’ll get to know all of my original characters I included in the story. I can’t give any spoilers, because I still don’t know where this story is going. But here’s something I know for sure: Nolan/Alec and Thiam will be canon at some point in the story, I just don’t know when exactly. But if you want some precise informations, my ask box is always open.

Hahaha, fair enough. I guess we’ll have to read along and see. Ooh--perfect question segway. Bonus Question-if you could read only one author/fanfic writer for a whole year, who would you read? And what story of theirs would you horde?

Without hesitation, I say Captainmintyfresh (@Thiamfresh on Tumblr). I just adore her writing so much. It calls to me and her writing style absolutely hypnotized me. She’s incredibly talented and I just can’t stop reading her works. “Airplanes” is by far her best work. I think everyone should read it; it’s a piece of art, a masterpiece. I’m not even exaggerating. Her writing is truly amazing; it gives me the chills. I really wish I could write like that. She can capture the personality and the dynamic of the characters in the Teen Wolf universe. The way she writes their interactions is truly a treat. Seriously, If I could read her works forever, I would. She’s incredibly talented.

I share that sentiment, wholeheartedly. You’re not alone! Before we wrap, I want to ask about advice because I think it’s amazing when we’re given the opportunity to learn from one another. What’s the best writing/drawing/edit-creating advice you’ve ever gotten? Is there any wisdom you could gift us?

I didn’t get any advice in writing, but I would like to give some. If you are struggling with your writing, just take a breath and lean back to look at your work. If nothing comes out, it’s useless to work endlessly and working your brains out. Just take a break and work on it later. There’s no need to be rushed, take the time you need. Writing can be hard and demands a lot of concentration and creativity. Just take the time you need, take breaks and write everything you like. You are the creator of your story.

What’s next for you? Both in life and the creation world?

Well, I’m taking a year off of college. It was becoming too much for my brain to handle so much anxiety every day. In this year, I will eventually think about where I want to go and what I want to do. Maybe it will shorten my time for writing, but I want to do the most I can. I guess there’s nothing next in the creating segment, I’m just going to continue writing and drawing. But there’s nothing huge specifically.

Any creating is always a perfect amount, so I’m sending you all the luck and inspiration juice in the world! Anything else you’d like to share, in general. The floor is all yours! :)

This concerns anybody reading this. I’m saying this for the third time now, but I’m writing fanfictions, doing edits, drawing fanarts and writing some incorrect quotes for you (all of you). I’m doing this to bring a smile on your faces, make you laugh and make you feel so many different emotions with my work. Seeing you guys happy, makes me incredibly happy. On everything that I do, don’t be shy and comment on my works. If you like my writing style, if you like how I make aesthetics, if you like my incorrect quotes or just quotes in general and if you like my fanarts, go ahead and tell me about those things. I probably won’t respond, because I have a social life outside of Tumblr and I’m actually pretty busy.I want to get better not just for myself, but for all of you. I don’t want to let anybody down and I don’t want to disappoint anybody. I really hope that I meet your expectations. I love each one of you (I’m definitely not crying right now).

Awww! And so with that, BTS presents Dalyane, Da-Smiley99! As always, you can keep the conversation going; respond to any of her thoughts, ask more questions, send a prompt, or simply swing by for a chat with Dalyane anytime. To quote her, she would be “absolutely thrilled” to receive your thoughts! If you’d like to dive into her works, check out both her AO3 and Tumblr.

Tumblr: Da-smiley99

AO3: Dasmiley99

Ask Box: Da-Smiley ask

A huge thank you to her for being so excited about our chat and sharing us piece of her life with us!

Have a Thiam Creator you fan over, from any platform (AO3, Tumblr, Wattpad, Instagram, FFN, etc). Definitely drop us their names. Bonus points if you include any questions you’re dying to ask them.

Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

Mic drop!

#thiam #behind the screens #teen wolf #da-smiley99 #officialthiamlibrary

35 notes · View notes