#i hate admiting i kin him bc hes such a loser at life and i relate to that a little too much

[r3djy]

ough,,,,, i am alive

I dont have much opportunity to draw now i hate highschool

[st4r-c0d3]

Me explaining my mha kins to the best of my ability-?

uhh idk

I honestly had started ranting about my kins out loud earlier so I thought 'why not make it into a tumblr post?'

so this is me doing that lol

Bakugo: I'm an insecure bitch. That's it. (I also have the mouth of a sailor.) Ok but really? I've been told that I'm aggressive, intimidating, and most of the time people tell me they were scared of me when they first met me. Also I've been told countless times that I look scary but people talk to me because my clothing choices say the opposite. I also think I'm worse than everyone. Like all the time. But if there are things I know I'm better at I flex it like a million bucks because holy shit the validation to know that I'm not that useless. Plus I cover up all my insecurities with a blanket of false confidence 95% of the time. I'm also blind to anything relationship wise and can hardly tell the difference between platonic and romantic which I highly hc him as also being blind too bc it just makes sense (also makes me feel better but we aren't talking about that right now.)

Kirishima: I'm the mom friend. Totally doesn't seem like it? Considering I'm the most irresponsible of all the people I associate myself with. But I'm the one people come to first when they need help. Including my parents which is kinda scary cause if I need help I'm more than likely fucked. Anyways, I'm energetic even when I don't wanna be. That's where the blanket of false confidence comes into play y'all. Sometimes I act overly confident like Bakugo, but there are also times where I just declare I'm gonna do my best and end up failing like Kirishima. I also voice my insecurities quite often around the people I know I can get validation from. I also always end up becoming friends with the people everyone hates unless I have a reason to also hate said person.

Sero: I'm plain and overlooked like Sero. It hurts? But tis true. Also gifted kid burn-out. I tend to be chill in situations where the majority of people would be freaked out but I freak out in chill situations. I'm also the person everyone either forgets about or straight up doesn't know I'm there unless I make my presence known. I am perfectly fine with it though even though I'm insecure about it. I'm also a nervous talker (as this could be seen as a Deku kinnie thing I refuse to label myself as a Deku kinnie no matter how much I relate to the fucker.)

Shinsou: I have no clue what a sleep schedule is. I don't sleep unless I absolutely can't fight it. I also have insomnia. I mentioned this earlier but gifted kid burnout. I feel the need to work twice as hard as everyone else does even if I don't need to. I'm an ambivert but I prefer to be alone when I have the chance. Originally didn't want friends but now I'm emotionally attached to people :,)

Denki: I constantly fidget and hate being called stupid/dumb. I'm also a very touchy person even though I hate being touched if I'm not the one to instigate it. I am in fact touch-starved. I'm loud even though I hate it. I'm told I'm social and charismatic even though I'm also socially awkward and dislike social situations. I do know how to talk to people though. I'm not that good in most subjects (even though I had straight A's all the time before the whole burnout thing) but I've never had a grade lower than an A in literature and english/grammar. Typically seen as the most annoying person to be around (especially if I'm talking about things I'm passionate about. Also when I'm being aggressive cause it mixes and it's weird.) I also wear chokers all the time and finger gun my way out of every awkward situation I put myself in.

Toga: If I get passionate about something it becomes an obsession. Like an unhealthy obsession. I tend to whine a lot? I also have a weird fascination and whether this makes me more of a Toga kinnie or just a creep is still to be determined. I like knives (I can't explain this at all and I'm sorry for that.) I'm very jumpy whether it's from excitement or just me being bubbly depends on the situation. I like talking about death for some reason. People that I end up having romantic feelings become all that I think about (not in a romantic or cheesy way I've been told its lowkey annoying and creepy.) Also gender envy? Like with her whole "wanting to become the people she loves" thing? I suffer from that but in the form of gender envy and wishing I was that person because their cool and I'm a loser.

I REFUSE TO ADMIT I'M A DEKU KINNIE BUT

Deku: If I really care about something I'd die for it. I'm ok with risking my life for pretty much anything as long as it makes sense to me. I talk to myself in a very similar fashion to the way he mutters to himself. If I get emotionally invested I will risk everything to make someone feel better (I mean how he handle Todoroki's trauma.) I tend to rant on things I hyper fixate on/am really passionate about. I guess I work hard? In passing conversations I've heard multiple times that people are jealous of me? Also it scares me the amount of times people have confessed that they had a crush on me. But like never when they do?? Like I get confessions a year or so later. Or from other people they tell me that someone else used to/still likes me. I'm also known as a problem child when it comes to pretty much any adult in my life.

I hate how long the Deku one is

IM NOT A DEKU KINNIE I SWEAR WTF

I feel like I kin to many people from mha but it might be that it's my current hyper fixation

I think the only other animes/form of medias that I know I kin someone from are Sk8 (I'm a Miya kinnie), Magnus Chase (I kin Alex and honestly it's the kin I'm most proud of), Monster High (this was years ago and im just now thinking about it but probably Clawdeen) and probably HoO cause like Nico.

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.