#i had talked about this a few times on discord and all but HGJLSHDGLJHSG

[disastersteps]

Been thinking about how Anita's sense of humanity only started to slowly show up as Aoyun the more they spend time with Mortum and Ortega, and in the progress, begun to dislike being Aoyun and wanting to be themself with them. So like!

In general, Sidestep, by default, had acted- pretend to be someone- had followed social cues and blending in to fit in due to being a Cuckoo (and having autism). But how is their sense of humanity?

It was obviously torn away by Heartbreak, and since this is a very Outsider scar focused- it is the most very 'out of touch with world/humanity' sense.

...That is Anita's Outsider scar.

So what exactly slowly but surely regain their sense of humanity and the slow increase in empathy. ( In 2019, Anita was a very blue step- high empathy back in the day. But now, when I had revamped them- it made sense their empathy would've been torn away, along with their newfound humanity they had spent a few years building only to be taken by Heartbreak. It's why I'm slowly trying to get their ruthless and daring a little higher this time around- it made sense especially with what happened to default Sidestep. So was Anita. )

Now, onto the puppet situation. I knew I talked about this many times, and I will talk about it. Mostly bc chances is I had thoughts that might be different now than before, or it's still the same but I get to expand on it further.

--

Anita treated Aoyun as a disguise- it is essentially just them in their business mode- facade, even. It was probably what caught Mortum's interest, what had Ortega had noticed. Anita had no idea about that.

What Anita knew is that Aoyun... She is a extension of themself- she's simply them. So any action, any talk she talks, anything about her? It's very much Anita. At this point, Anita had stopped pretending to be someone- and is themself just with a different name to avoid being recognized. This is also before they started to notice something's up with the body at that point.

Which unfortunately is what lead Julia Ortega to find Anita Lee in the diner that day.

That sudden discovery of seeing Anita from Ortega is what start the wrench to their running gears- the domino effect that is about to kick.

Because of Julia, Anita have to look back to their own background. One they had made so long ago- one they're forced to confront that they missed being Sidestep.

So sense of humanity? Because of how deep they dug themself into looking the history- even had that sidestep gallery destroyed. Even the 'meet-cute' Anita as Aoyun had with Julia had forced Anita to take this as a chance to keep a eye n her. They then had drop the facade of a business person and decided that maybe, just maybe, they need allies seeing as Julia had begun to be noisy (to them.)- Mortum was the first step.

( Not that they will know that months later, Mortum had became something more to them )

The fact Anita was keeping a eye on Julia AND getting to know Mortum as Aoyun is what backfired them as they begun to slowly realize they... still love Julia despite the old crush they had buried so long ago, and that they had begun to enjoy Mortum's company.

Julia is a memory, and Mortum is a reminder.

Memory- because the past, the long for what it used to be, the way it still clicked despite years and the "death".

Reminder- because she makes them feel more like a person- a real person than ever.

they thought these two things cannot brought back because it was torn away by the Heartbreak but two people, they had spend a lot with as Aoyun, brought these back.

Anita's sense of humanity, and Anita's needs to be themself with these two. But what a fool, what a idiot, what a ass, they are still using Aoyun. The only shield.

And of course, it had been broken now.

Anita's sense of humanity was formed because they were being Aoyun- who doesn't have telepathy and Anita relies on their own thoughts, their choices and their trust in these two people. And these people bring these aspects (memories and reminder) that it make Anita feel more human.

They just want to be Anita Lee.

Not Aoyun.