#i had such a hard time figuring out how to articulate this. still not entirely sure it makes sense

[kvetchinglyneurotic]

The thing about Jamie and Ted is that they're in the somewhat unusual position of being thematically significant to each other's arcs without their actual interpersonal relationship ever being particularly central to the show — arguably because of that thematic significance.

This isn't so much the case in the first season, when Jamie represents an external source of conflict for Ted and their interactions — the positive reinforcement conversation in 1x02, Jamie faking an injury and Ted shouting at him in 1x06 — tell us about both of them more or less equally. Once we get to seasons 2 and 3, however, Jamie becomes a vehicle through which to explore Ted's trauma in a lot of their shared scenes: he remembers seeing Jamie being abused by his father during a panic attack where he's also thinking of Henry, and James coming into the locker room at Wembley is what prompts him to tell Dr. Sharon about his father's suicide. He cannot imagine a father's presence being worse than his absence, and so he tells Jamie that his dad made him a better player, and later to forgive him. Jamie says he would tell his dad "thank you and fuck you", and it reminds Ted of his not at all comparable relationship with his mother. In essence, Jamie can't have scenes with Ted where he's open and vulnerable about his past and still have them be about him, not Ted.

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

[jungwondazed]

18+ only. / desperate passionate sex with jungwon

he comes onto you in the middle of the night, catching you off guard as you were just about to fall asleep.

"j-jungwon i don't- understand" you breathe out the words in between the breaks he pulls from your lips, leaning back in to kiss you harder than the previous.

there are moments, not often, when he gets this way and it is something you ponder every time he works his mouth deep into yours. he kisses you like it was the first time, the last time. jungwon is making out like he has something to confess, that there's too much on his mind to speak in words, that giving it to you like this is the best way for him to say anything.

you kiss him back regardless of the questions racing through your head. this isn't a kiss he initiates because he was simply turned on, there was a certain desperation behind his movements that makes you lean into his body, to connect with him in the way he needs.

his moans are long, drawn out, as if there was nothing else that mattered in the world but the pleasure you two share with each other.

with his mouth still attached to yours he pulls off your thin pajama set, lips slowly working down your neck, to your collarbones, and then your chest. your head falls back from the overwhelming sensation of his warm and soft tongue, fingers digging in his hair, pulling at it gently as he stimulates your entire body.

you know jungwon a bit too well. when he's horny, he initiates sex in his snarky teasing manner that always has you high and bothered. but when you find yourself tending to his needs, softening your touches, letting him have at you as a natural reaction to his desperation, you're more than aware that the sex he wants is far from just the physicality, jungwon was craving for a deep emotional connection and sometimes this was the best he could go about it.

he comes off confident, carrying himself like he had it all figured out. but throughout your time with him, you've learned that there is a small part deep down that seeks for validation and comfort, searching in places he can't necessarily figure out himself.

he breaks the kiss to peel his thin white sleep shirt off, immediately finding your lips again when he tosses it to the side. he wraps his arm under your waist to press your stomach close to his, pulling off his pajama bottoms and lining himself into you. you gasp as he sinks in slow, struggling a whine that's stuck between his throat and mouth.

jungwon's moans are full of longing and desperation, and your heart aches feeling him so troubled from such desire.

"i'm r-right h-here, jungwon" you whimper out between his thrusts, and he groans into your neck as a response.

"i'm yours, however y-you want me."

he fits good inside you, it's hard to form the right words to tell him how you truly feel. but despite your poor articulation of emotions to words, he reacts in a way that lets you know he's taking in everything you're saying and doing. he thrusts into you deeper and harder, bringing both his arms to wrap around your entire body, holding you so tight as if any less of a grip would have your falling right through his fingers, as if he was too capable of losing you.

[greenishghostey]

Squirting thots continued from yesterday: imagine if you squirted while Eddie was fucking you hard and deep while holding your knees next to your head, and he pulled out, slapped his cock against your pussy a few times to get it nice and soaked, and you had came so much it was literally creating little splashes

Damn ain't this A CONCEPT. Let's write some filth about it.

18+ Content MDNI

///

The slick squelching from your puffy cunt was just so loud. All you could hear was Eddie's wet pounding, his guttural moans and your own whining. His thick fingers were covered in your wet, having fucked you for what could have been 5 minutes or an hour with his hands earlier. The vice grip on your sweaty thighs had his nails biting into your skin.

"C'mon, one more of me, yeah?" Eddie panted, hiking your legs up by the backs of your knees. "My little lady can do one more, can't she?" He wanted an actual answer. "Use your words, babe, or I'll be annoying as all hell."

You could barely string a thought together. The majority of your day had been spent with some part of Eddie in you. Fingers, tongue, cock, he hadn't let up for what felt like hours. Only stopping for bathroom and snack breaks - he bought you the sandwich stuff you liked and even cut it diagonal for you. A far cry from the perv that was currently trying to get you to soak his mattress.

"One more. Can do one. Mhmm." You rambled, panting and fidgeting in Eddie's hold. The tension in your thighs and how deep Eddie was inside you had drool pooling in your mouth. You could feel him in your fucking stomach.

"Great," Eddie quickly pushed your legs up and back, your knees close to your head. "You're gonna be real sore after this. But I'll fix it later."

The pace set was nothing short of brutal. It felt almost unhinged in a way. Eddie's soaked cock was pounding into you and you couldn't do anything but lie there and take it. He was somehow deeper now and slamming into your g-spot, making the drool slide from your mouth.

Your mind was almost entirely blank. It was bliss, if anything. All you could focus on was the stretch and strain of Eddie and the burning that twisted in your stomach.

"God, I love when you look like that," Eddie groaned, lidded eyes trained on your face. "You're fuckin' drooling all 'cause of me. Because I'm the only one who can make ya feel this good, huh?" It amazed you that he could still think and talk.

"Fuckin' good, so good Eds - fucking god." You moaned, well aware that you were close but you couldn't articulate it anymore. Eddie would just have to figure it out. The twisting heat in your stomach moved down your abdomen. It felt like you had to pee. You knew this distinct feeling and it was exactly what Eddie was aiming for.

"Just one more big one, uh huh?" Eddie panted, leaning in closer - impossibly close so he could feel everything you were going to give him. "Soak this fucking bed." He whispered through clenched teeth directly into your face.

The release felt like a dam breaking. You screamed into Eddie's waiting mouth as he smiled down at you. You came in wet spurts, coating Eddie's lower body and the mattress under you both. He had made a joke about wanting some new stains to jazz the place up a bit.

The world was hazy as you gasped and caught your breath - any tense quickly leaving your body entirely. Eddie had let your legs rest on the bed again and slipped out of you just as fast. It took you a few seconds to notice what he was doing.

Eddie furiously pumped his cock in his fist, heavy lidded eyes focused on your messy cunt - his handiwork. You liked to watch him. It was raw and actually quite pretty in a feral sort of way. The jerking off just wasn't cutting it, however, so Eddie began slapping the leaking head of his cock in your mess. You twitched at the new stimulation, mewling and whining and only bringing Eddie closer to cumming.

"Jesus Christ, babe," He whined, fucking his hand and sliding his cock through your cum. "So so good for me. Just for me. Want me to cum on your pussy? Make more of a mess?"

You honestly wanted to cry because you wanted it that badly. "Mhmm, messy, please."

The wet slapping of Eddie's cock on your cunt had started to cause small splashes. They hit his torso, your tits and his bed - creating even more little stains. The experience was new, but exhilarating. It led you both to moan in unison into each other's mouths, a wet and desperate kiss to muffle Eddie's eventual yells.

[pbforeva]

imma try to post a story on here but like this will be part 1

fandom: wbb (uconn)

synopsis: **TW: DV**

When Paige Bueckers and Evelyn Park meet during their second year at Uconn, they are both intrigued by the complexity of each other's characters and slowly become friends. Paige eventually realizes she has developed feelings for Evelyn; however, Evelyn is in a committed relationship with her boyfriend, Blake. Will Paige be able to articulate her feelings to Evelyn, and will Evelyn reciprocate those feelings despite her boyfriend? *Paige doesn't get injured in this story*

ok actual story now

—

Evelyn's pov:

I hate waking up, especially before school. The blaring alarm seeps into my ear while I muster enough strength to turn it off and get out of bed. It is too early for this, I think as I stare at the digital numbers that stare back reading, 8:03 a.m. I groan as I stumble into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, which wakes me up a little more. After brushing out my hair, I go back to my room to get dressed for the day, and I grab a pair of ripped mom jeans from my closet and a pink crop top to pair with it.

As I'm walking to campus, thinking about the date I have planned with my boyfriend, Blake, and I trip over the curb in front of me. Omg, this cannot be happening, I think as I await the inevitable impact of the hard concert below me; however, instead of feeling the hard ground, I feel two hands grab me around my waist.

As I collect myself, I begin to turn around to face the mysterious stranger who saved me from getting up in front of all my peers, except now I have to face the embarrassment of facing this faceless stranger. When I turn around, I'm greeted by a tall blonde in front of me. I looked up to meet her deep blue eyes, and my cheeks flushed as I saw the smirk and the worried look on the two friends who surrounded her.

Her voice soon invades my ears, and she says, "Hey, are you good? I'm Paige, by the way," her words embed themselves in my brain as I try to think of a plausible excuse. "Oh yeah, thanks, by the way, I guess I just got lost in thought, oh, and I'm Evelyn," the words wobble out of my mouth with a hint of embarrassment present. Her smirk grows after noticing the pink on my cheeks and the humiliation in my words.

"Well, Evelyn, this is Aubrey," she says, pointing to the tall girl on her left, "and this is Azzi," pointing to the stunning girl on her right. Gosh, why are they all so pretty? I think to myself. And tall, I wonder. "Well, it was nice to meet you guys, and thank you again," I say, turning back to Paige, "But I have to go to class now, sorry!" I finish before I pivot and stride away toward my Advanced Psychology class that I am now late for.

As I'm walking away, I catch Aubrey, I think, saying, "Well, she was nice, Paige." "Yeah, and the...," I hear the start of Paige's response before I'm out of earshot. I mulled over her words for the entire walk to my class; however, I was still curious about the blonde's words during my class. What was she saying? A plethora of options swirled in my mind, drowning out my professor's voice. Annoying? Weird? Clumsy? Ugh, I am never going to stop thinking about this.

Paige's pov:

"Well, she was nice, Paige," I hear Aubrey say as my eyes are still fixed on Evelyn's curly hair getting farther from us. "Yeah, and she was cute too. I mean, did you see how flustered she was?" I laughed, tearing my gaze away from her figure and focusing on Aubrey. I wondered if I would ever bump into the beautiful brunette again before Azzi interjected, "Yeah, but did something seem off about her to you guys? Cause it did to me." Aubrey and I shrug, and we continue walking to the basketball facility.

We arrive at 9:05 a.m., and as we walk into the locker room, KK suddenly shrieks, "Why are you guys late?" I begin to speak, but Aubrey interrupts me by saying, "We were on time, but then Paige performed the heroic act of saving a girl from falling, and we had to stay for a moment because Paige was staring at her after." she dramatically giggles out, while a blush rises to my face as I try to defend myself, only making my predicament worse. I hear a course of laughter coming from the rest of the girls in the locker room, and I give up and head to my locker, chuckling a little, recalling the look on her face.

The team and I walk out onto the court and start our warm-up. I run down the court, and I can't stop myself from wondering if I am ever going to see Evelyn again, I try to shake the thought and focus on basketball, but her face won't leave my mind. Suddenly, I am ripped away from my thoughts by the voice of my coach, "Bueckers, get over here!" he shouts from across the court. Oops, I guess my dissociation was a little too noticeable, I think as I jog over to him.

"Bueckers, I don't know what you are thinking about, but it is clearly not basketball. Go take five to get some water, and when you come back, I expect you to have your head in the game," he assertively says to me. I need to get her out of my head. I go over to the bench and try to think of anything else while I drink my water. I take a deep breath and head back onto the court with Evelyn tucked neatly into the back of my mind as I focus on the drills we are doing.

Soon, 11 a.m. rolls around, and practice finishes without any other issues. After chatting with a few teammates, I start the trek back to the dorms so I can shower. During the walk, I see the shiny brown curls of no one other than Evelyn in front of me. I walk faster so I can catch up to her, and soon, we are walking side by side. I look down and say, "Oh hey, Evelyn." She looks up at me, startled before her features soften in recognition, and she then replies, "Oh hey, Paige."

I watch as her eyes flicker down my practice jersey before asking me, "Oh, are you on the basketball team?"

"Oh yeah, I am," I reply, wondering if she didn't know who I was. "Is that why you and your friends are all so tall?" she asks, "Oh my gosh, no I'm sorry that was rude," she rambles out before I interrupt her, "Oh, you're good," I laugh out before adding "But yeah I guess," still laughing. I glance over and notice her pink cheeks before I realize I'm at the dorms. "Well, hey, it was nice talking to you, but I gotta go now," I say, looking into her eyes, noticing a glint of disappointment before it quickly disappears, and she replies with, "Oh ok, I suppose I should go too, my boyfriend is waiting for me." She then turns and walks away as I turn to walk into the dorms with a tinge of regret for not talking longer.

[crystalelemental]

I've been hitting a mild rut with Pokemon, while simultaneously retreating into familiar comfort games that won't really challenge me much, but I'm also feeling kinda stagnant.  My initial thought was "I should pick up another Etrian Odyssey game!"  And then I didn't.  But while looking for options, I realized...while I'm doing better with the Switch, I really do not branch out at all.

For clarification: the entirety of both my DS and 3DS library of physical games?  Pokemon, Etrian Odyssey, and Fire Emblem.  That is literally all I own, barring like two games.  Even the GBA carts are all just Pokemon Gen 3 and Fire Emblem 7.  I barely owned Wii or WiiU games, with most of them just being Zelda.  I think I have maybe five WiiU games total.

The Switch catalogue has a lot more variety going for it, more than I've probably ever had in my life.  But I still find it hard, sometimes, to branch out.  Part of that is finance, I don't necessarily want to spend on new games.  There was one that the art caught my attention in the news, and when I went to check it out it was fucking $80.  I am not paying that for a game.  It also went on to talk about your male protagonist despite all the box art being female characters, so honestly just fuck that.

With Echoes of Wisdom, I do think I've kind of identified part of the problem as "not wanting to feel stuck."  One streamer I watch talked about how the mobile market and console games competing directly with them has led to a higher rate of instant gratification and people can't sit with discomfort and frustration anymore, and...there may be some truth to that.  Granted, I was never particularly good with it, but I can feel when I'm playing an unfamiliar game and encounter something I don't immediately understand, my instinct is to jump straight for the guide.  I did that around four times with EoW, but there was one situation where I didn't and figured out the puzzle and felt super clever.  It's more rewarding, but it's time consuming, and I am covetous of my time, even if I don't do the most with it.

And what this results in is an aversion to trying out something new.  That's potentially going to eat a lot of time and what if I don't like it?  I wasted my time then, didn't I?  Because that's never happened before.  I certainly didn't have a phase playing and reading stuff I knew I would hate just to get mad at it.  So what's the issue taking a chance on something that might be good?  It is the lack of assurance?  If I know I'll hate it, at least I went in knowing what to expect, I guess.

In another direction, part of the issue is not really knowing what I enjoy.  Genre in games is already hard to define, but it makes it incredibly challenging to know how to articulate what I like, and what might land well.

Like, okay, I like Pokemon.  Maybe other monster catching games are good?  Nexomon was a knockout success (though not entirely because of monster catching), but I didn't care much for Cassette Beasts, and every Digimon game has been a resounding miss for me.  Nexomon was just a fun story, and Pokemon is nostalgia so it succeeds in spite of its horrid flaws.

But hey, that streamer calls Pokemon an adventure game primarily.  Maybe what you need is more adventure games?  Maybe.  But that's Zelda, and modern Zelda I do not like at all.  The open-world approach isn't fun, and I don't actually like tricky or punishing combat systems I have to be good at in real time. I wouldn't know what else to look for, considering my dislike for active systems in most scenarios. Do not test my reaction speed, it is bad.

Well, what about Fire Emblem, then?  Maybe you really like tactics games?  Maybe.  But if it weren't for Unicorn Overlord, I'd say the entire genre outside of FE sucked.  Triangle Strategy was awful in pretty much every direction, and even Tactics Ogre, which I had on good authority is one of the Big Names for strategy, felt so slow and offputting that I put it down after maybe two hours.  I know the ongoing joke is that FE sucks and even its fans hate it, but I legitimately think they're the only tolerable strategy games to me.

So okay, what about Etrian Odyssey?  Maybe you like dungeon crawlers?  This...might actually be the dead ringer, depending on difficulty.  I haven't played many, but I really enjoy EO (games 3 onward, anyway), and the one attempt at another in Class of Heroes did land favorably for CoH2, at least, despite some chatter about how the games don't get tolerable until 3.  I dunno, I thought it had personality.  I'd play 2 again.  I think it's just a question of how difficult others would actually be, because consistently, I hear feedback of "The game is super hard and will kick your ass," and I am admittedly easily intimidated by the prospect of difficulty I can't adjust.

But there are other aspects.  What about the Atelier games, you loved them even if you fell off after Shallie.  Ryza is rare and expensive so I've had some trouble there, but we tried Rune Factory 5 and it was...fine?  More importantly, the structure of these games gets me so obsessed that I'm in an actively worse mood when I am working.  I can basically only play them during breaks, or I am Miserable.

What about Final Fantasy?  Maybe you need more story-centric RPGs?  ...actually, maybe I do need more story-centric RPGs, post cancelled, anyone have Switch recommendations?  Bonus points if it's a female lead.

I think I just.  Struggle.  Sometimes.  To find things that I feel like would be to my taste.  I want to branch out, but I think I am often intimidated out of trying.  I don't really know what I want.

[agoodroughandtumble]

Roronoa Zoro x Reader - Birthday Part 2

Status: Complete? Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x Reader – I haven’t beta’d but I don’t think Reader is a particular gender (obviously comment if you think it needs changing) Summary: It’s Reader’s birthday Warning(s): 18+ Language, alcohol A/N: I couldn't decide whether I liked the open ending of Birthday so I wrote this

Zoro didn’t dare move, didn’t dare open his eyes. He could happily sink into the infinity of this moment as long as you sunk with him.

The silence was loud – abundant with all the words he could have, should have said. Abundant with the lie he had just laid at your feet. Of course you were still in his head – how could he possible let you leave? You were intrinsic to his very being – despite how much he hated it. Because he did. Wholeheartedly. Hate you. With every fibre of his being. He hated that you had buried yourself so deeply within him that even the lacklustre attempt at banishing you from his head still left you in complete control of his heart, hopes and soul.

Naïvety was not usually a word found in his lexicon but he was certainly aware of it now, heart racing, heat coursing through his veins as he naïvely hoped that you would still want him after everything he had said.

You pulled your head away from his; the lack of contact burning against his skin more than a thousand kisses could. And yet there was a contradictory ice running through his veins. His entire being was hanging on a thread pulled by your whim.

“Why are you doing this?”

Your words shot through him – as if he hadn’t already spanned the entire spectrum of humanity just to get this far. Words were never his friend at the best of times but now they seemed dead set on being his enemy. Laying his entire life in front of you, in that earring, had been easy – but articulating it? A piece of him was literally and figuratively in the palm of your hands. It wasn’t your fault, obviously, it was entirely his. The whole damn situation was his fault. The fact that he could do everything but tell you how he felt about you was entirely his fault. But why was he doing this? Surely you knew. You must know.

Your question echoed in his head. Because he didn’t want to love you, because he didn’t want to allow himself to be so completely out of control. Because he didn’t want you in his head – because he wanted so, so badly for those words to be true. For this gift to be enough, the end, him moving on – a token of a life almost lived. For you to understand what he was saying, only that was impossible. He didn’t know what he was saying. Did he want to pull you into him, to make love to you there and then? To show you how ferociously consuming you were? Did he want you to leave, to walk away so he could pick up the pieces of his broken heart in the solitude he had already become accustomed to?

“Zoro.” Your voice was annoyed, demanding. Eyes ice cold and focussed on him. “If you’re going to be a cryptic arsehole I’m going to bed.”

“Wait,” instinctively he grabbed your wrist.

You rolled your eyes, already fed up with the ‘conversation’. “For what?” You snapped, “What is this bullshit?” You thrust the earring back into his free hand, “All the mind games? You never speak to me and now this? Do you really think I’m that fucking easy?”

Zoro’s hand on your wrist was conflictingly comforting as you stared at him, chest heaving with the effort to retain some sort of composure. You could feel the heat of anger within you, biting down on your bottom lip so as not to explode. You didn’t want an argument, but you didn’t want whatever this was either. You didn’t want his love if it was so fucking traumatic, if it was such a repulsive feeling for him to have. Screaming it from the rooftops was certainly not what you had in mind, but it shouldn’t be this fucking hard for him to just admit that whatever it was, there was certainly something between the two of you.

A small smile found its way across your lips, the lack of an answer from him only solidifying your decision. Okay. Enough.

Your wrist wriggled out of his, “I did wait.” With a heavy sigh you retreated to your bed, hoping the sake would be an adequate excuse in the morning.

[journey-to-the-attic]

Hi there

So i have already read the last two chapters and that was days ago. I had to literally turn off my phone to gather my thoughts because omg my heart hurt so much. I have so much i want to say but i’ll do my best to summarize it

First of all, i want to hug Ik so much that all her bad thoughts are squeezed out of her. Like i want to mention how much i really like how you wrote how Ik saw herself. Her family situation is complex and there was no one who was “right” or “wrong” but what’s clear is how it affected Ik so much. Like when i saw how she said wanted to have the power to turn back time so she wouldnt exist hurts me and i think it may or may not be mentioned in the fic but i can see why Satan opened up to her quickly when he learned about her family situation. He and Ik were not planned and they see themselves as something unlikeable, something unwanted. Which is so not true, yes they werent planned but what is life without a few unplanned suprises, those unplanned suprises can still be a good one. Even during the last two chapters, Ik still had a hard time of realizing she is loved, that people do care about her. And that just sucks because no one should feel unloved. But maybe, just maybe with time, she will truly realize that she does have people who loves and care about her.

Second of all, I really like how you added the newer exchange students seamlessly. It wasnt so big that you think they might be some important person that will directly change Ik life forever but it wasnt so little that they were forgettable. Im honestly hoping you have some oneshots or anything regarding OM mephisto since out of the three, he seems to be the least to appear in your blog in general. But i do like how characterize all three of them! (Also can you explain why did the brothers seem pissed during the dragon show? I think i missed something but i just cant figure it out)

Last of all, i just want to thank you. Thank you so much for making this masterpiece. This fic has been one of the best fanfic i have ever read in my entire life. The way you wrote it is just amazing, the characterization is on point, the world building is so interesting, and the sheer found family in this fic is over 9000000000! I seriously love this and i sincerely hope you would continue to make amazing masterpieces like this for a long time!

I kinda still have more to say but i dont know how to articulate it to words in this ask but in short, thank you for this amazing journey!

- 🐧 Anon

:'))) thank you so much!!

yeahh as much as things are better for her, it's going to take ik much longer to unlearn a mindset she's had for like a decade, but man if she doesn't love her family soso much

as for the dragon scene! this did end up kind of poorly communicated, partially because ik's narrating and doesn't realise what's going on, but the brothers are just emotional - it's the first time they've seen her get excited about something to that degree, so they saw that big happy smile and it was over for them

[thatgirl4815]

Hi hello! I'm new to tumblr and can't figure out how to send an ask from a sideblog. Sorry! I reblogged a post of yours over at sandsleatherjacket with some comments and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it if you're game. Sorry for my general lack of ability to tumblr.

Hi! No worries at all. I'm assuming you're referring to this post? In which case, I'll go ahead and put your reblog comments down below so my response can sit right next to them :) --

This! But also I think what we're seeing here is that Sand holds himself responsible for what's just gone down, at least partially. He's just used Ray, who he does care about (and Ray's feelings for Mew) as a weapon against Top. And it's a weapon he couldn't control. He knew Ray has problems with alcohol, and with anger. He knew that he was lobbing a grenade he couldn't control the direction of. And now it's taking out somebody he cares about, in a way that he probably should have predicted. Ray's about to get in that car, and Sand probably feels like if anything bad happens it will be partially on him because he should have seen it coming. Add that to whatever has happened with drunk driving in the past and he's seeing a recipe for disaster. I feel like Ray is probably blaming him for some of what went down, too. He feels used, although maybe in a way he can't articulate. Might be why Sand gets called a whore, even though he's been pretty adamant about not taking Ray's money since they became friends. Anyway this fight hurt me and I am here for it!

I do agree that Sand could feel at least partially guilty for what's gone on, since he's the one that gave Ray the ammunition that sent him on this spiral. Though honestly, Ray was already headed that direction, this BostonTop cheating stuff just gave him an extra push.

I do also agree that Ray feels anger at Sand in a way that he can't articulate; for me personally, I think that comes from a place of confusion. Like "why can't I figure out how I feel about you?" Because we know that Ray cares about Sand, we know that he made an effort to move on from Mew, but Boston just had to remind Ray where his heart was at in the first place. I think Boston triggered something in Ray last episode that made him remember just how deeply attached he is to Mew. Mew even makes some comment about it at the end of Ep6--Ray has a hard time letting go. Also, it makes sense that Ray would want to lash out at Sand and his friends because lashing out is a lot easier than lashing in (for lack of a better phrase). He'd rather take out all his pain and confusion on those around him, even if what he says isn't always true.

So maybe Ray thinks that if he never latches on in the first place, he can spare himself the pain of what's happening with Mew right now. As in--maybe, if he keeps pushing Sand away and saying they're "just friends," he can spare himself heartbreak when things don't work out. I do also think that Ray knows he's a handful, so he probably anticipates getting left by Sand at some point (even though I think Sand has proven time and time again that he won't do that...I mean, he got shoved to the ground and called a whore and he still chased after Ray).

Anyways, yes, I definitely think there's guilt from both Ray and Sand in different ways, though for Ray I think the entire thing is much more confusing! He wants to be with Sand but doesn't think he can, wants to be with Mew but knows he can't, and just altogether hates Boston and Top.

[bucketofbugz]

Okay I have breathed a little bit and I can now actually articulate my feelings about mutant mayhem.

There will be spoilers, and I will put a warning before them.

Okay so I REALLY, REALLY liked this movie I'm !!!!!!

The animation was AMAZING, I loved the story so much

I literally was "KJHFSKJDHF" internally throughout the entire movie. I could not Think for a while after I left the theater I was so excited that I actually got to watch the movie

Alright, onto the spoiler part of this

MUTANT MAYHEM SPOILERS BELOW THIS v

THEY ARE SUCH LOSERS OH MY GOD

I LOVED THEM SO MUCH

I freaking loved Raph this entire movie he's so silly he just wants to exist let the boy exist let the boy get therapy.

He wasn't that big in the movie but he was the best. I might be very biased I might be a tiny bit biased because he has always been my favorite character in every iteration, but he WAS the best in this movie I SWEAR!!

He loves his brothers so much, he loves punching people so much, and as much as I would love for him to fulfill his dreams of punching someone so hard they throw up, I think April threw up enough in this movie.

April was definitely my second favorite though because. Like. I love her. I love her design, I love her character, I just love HER. I very much feel for her being terrified to be in front of a camera because I would never want to even look at a camera after that. Could have gone without seeing her throw up 9 times ovER-- but THAT"sS JUST ME IG GUESS

After Raph and April it's hard to figure out what the list of my favorite characters looks like. Because I think I like Leo, Mikey, and Donnie equally. I can't see myself preferring one over the other, at least not yet. Maybe when the show comes out I'll form a better opinion on them, but I loved all three of them so much!!

I think I'll have to wait until the show to form opinions on the other mutants as well. Because as much as I loved all of them, there were so many that we didn't get to see them all that much. But I KNOW that I love Mondo and Leatherhead they're silly <33

Splinter was GREAT. I loved how he was such a DAD in this as opposed to a mentor figure. His realizing how much he sounded like Superfly during that scene was AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Because liKE HE JUST WANTS THE BEST FOR HIS SONS. WAAA

"Donnie you should NOT be driving" THANK YOU Splinter, that's what I'VE BEEN SAYING

Uh. WOulda liked it a bit better if he hadn't made out with Scumbug on screen. But. That's,, that's just me... Good for you Splinter I hope you and your bug girlfriend are very happy?? I think?? Splinter needs to stop falling in love with bug women.

I've heard a lot of people say how towards the middle and moreso the end, the plot started feeling weird. Like a lot of the stuff that happened had no impact or it was weirdly paced. And yeah, I get that honestly. Maybe when I get the chance to watch it again (definitely not in theaters sobs) I'll get to pay more attention to the pacing and stuff but I was just too excited to be bothered about that this time around.

THEY GOT MILKED

I already knew this part though. So I wasn't surprised that it happened or anything. BUT STILL THEY MILKED THEM. THEY DRAINED LIKE A FULLY KIDDIE POOL SIZED AMOUNT OF BLOOD OUT OF MIKEY IS HE OKAY??? DID THEY DRAIN IT FROM THEIR CARAPACES? BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE IT.

That combined with the fact that their shells literally CRACKED later on in the movie??? Like HOW DID THEY WALK THAT OFF?? HOW ARE MIKEY AND RAPH WALKING AT ALL??

The fact that Raph was still the first one that offered to start singing BTS songs for Donnie despite the fact that he was currently being drained of blood by the.. the mega milker 3000.. is adorable. Brains and Brawn duo for the win guys we won in this movie they were great, The Brothers Ever.

The amount of times the turtles (especially Leo) stimmed during the movie is just!!!!!! I LOVE THAT. Autism.

Okay and now I gotta talk about the thing with Leo and April.

..

I love them. I love them a lot actually.

Leo's such a LOSER and yeah he has NO RIZZ. I was so scared about #1- Leo having a love interest (he doesn't have a great track record, let's be honest) #2- One of the turtles having a crush on April, but I think that they pulled it off very well! He was so stupid about it and I LOVE THAT FOR HIM. It's exactly what I was hoping for with their relationship. I really hope that it continues to be executed properly in the show and sequel and they don't butcher it. And I ESPECIALLY hope they don't have some love triangle thing with Casey again I swear I will have a breakdown (if Casey's still a teenager in MM and they let Raph and Casey have something I will forgive them for having Splinter and Scumbug make out I promise I promise I promise I just want them to be silly please please please please please please please please)

I'd already seen pictures of them without their masks before watching the movie because I stopped caring about spoilers but I still felt that surge of PANIC when Mikey's masked dropped down into the sewers like NO BACK UP PUT THAT BACK ON.

And like every iteration they DO look ugly and stupid without their masks on but honestly I think it works so much better for mutant mayhem than it does for a lot of other iterations. It's probably just the artstyle and how them looking ugly and stupid is half the point but I think they pull it off.

Leo works at best buy now. I don't care if it isn't canon. I will be believing that forever look at this idiot

I have so many more thoughts about Mutant Mayhem and I just wanna KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT but AAAAAAAAAA

[lohstandfound]

brooke & jake 5 7 11?

5. A has to get B a [birthday/christmas/whatever] gift. right now. what would they get? how long would they spend thinking about it?

hmm... i reckon sometimes jake has a hard time figuring out what to get someone as a gift. he'd take a while trying to figure out what brooke would like and every time he ends up getting her a plant of some sort (brooke adores them every time)

(brooke feels like the type of person who would buy/collect something just because it reminds her of someone, so she frequently has gifts for everyone)

7. are there any habits, mannerisms, practices etc. A does because of B? anything they do because they saw B doing it, or got advice from them about it, or something rubbed off on them? alternately, are there any little things B does that annoy them?

they finish each other's sentences /j

i think they would both be very touchy- or brooke is a very touchy person and jake definitely does not complain

i like to think jake has an inability to stay still for long periods of time, and i like to think he likes to keep his hands busy so he has this habit of tapping things (his pen on the table, drumming his fingers, etc) and sitting next to jake tapping his pen on the desk for an entire period would probably be enough to annoy brooke

i have forgotten everything i have ever thought but they are siblings your honor, they 100% annoy each other as such

11. what's something A knows about B that most people don't? alternately, what's something most people believe about B that A doesn't?

once again forgotten every single opinion i have ever had about either of these characters

but i have this concept that jake is protective/secretive of his writing and such (poetry, stories, etc), and you would have to be extremely lucky to be able to read something he's written

an extension of this- brooke and jake often have shared an english class with each other. they're frequently peer review partners and brooke has read a lot of his writing. english class and writing was one of the first things they realised they had in common that did not involve chloe. and it partially contributed to brooke examining her feelings and begin to not resent jake. i have Thoughts but they are not articulating at all

(poets fic jake and brooke >>>>)

[pontevoix]

He tosses the bag full of burritos into the space between Bertolt and Annie's laps on the couch, face flush and anxiety pounding in his chest. "I am never picking food up for you guys again." He heads straight for the bathroom, digging in the bathroom cabinet for the medicine that he's stashed there. Fingers grab around an orange bottle and he tips the top off, frowning as he looks down and sees that he's out. Fuck. "I told him I liked his meat spoon! I'm never going back there ever again –– did one of you take the last one I had?" Head pops out of the bathroom and he shakes the bottle, no sound sounding from it as an eyebrow raises.

bertolt exchanges a look with annie. it feels slightly sideways because she meets his eye for only a fraction of a minute before casting her gaze slightly upwards & then entirely to his left. the two of them have become accustomed to the way that they snag each other — they’re more similar in disposition, in skillsets than they know how to articulate. in a particularly sardonic text exchange, they once agreed that maybe it’s because both of them always figured they were lost causes.

it's a courtesy decided between them - that the moments that they share should be contained, that they shouldn't be too exposing, that they should never parade themselves too blatantly as an alliance when doing so always makes reiner jitter his knee with the anxiety of being other, of feeling as though he is an imposter in familiar spaces.

reiner ( @chaoslulled ) doesn't do well with interactions filtered through three layers of bullshit. he's reliable in a way that has been implemented against him, & it sends him off-balance sometimes.

still. it’s hard sometimes not to feel as though they have to ally. as though they have to figure out how to position themselves in a way that stabilizes the moments where reiner feels as though the ground is unsteady beneath his feet. as though they have to figure whether the moments are risky or whether they’re fine —

honestly, the bag of burritos waiting on the couch smells good enough that bertolt hopes ( a little insensitively ) that reiner is fine. that way they can eat.

after all, reiner’s got food waiting for him too. bertolt had offered to cover the cost for him if he picked up the food on the way back to bertolt’s apartment — because they had all assumed that reiner would be coming to bertolt’s apartment.

bertolt is the only that pays the rent. & he’s the only one that changes out the photos with the curling corners on the refrigerator door — a hike that he took with annie once, with pieck, & porco. an old school photo of reiner that he had made the mistake of showing bertolt once.

bertolt is the only one that pays the rent, but the apartment is theirs. the three of them always circulate to bertolt’s apartment. even if it’s too small. even if bertolt bemoans that he can never get chores done when everyone is in the way. even if annie stocks the pantry with the pastries she’s been craving. even if reiner keeps a stock of his pills in the medicine cabinet.

it’s a home stretched out three ways, & still — bertolt exchanges a look with annie & paints over alliance. she shrugs & doesn’t stop herself from snorting. it’s a little difficult to take seriously a tragedy characterized by a meat spoon.

bertolt’s lip quirks up despite himself. he tries, at least, to do a good thing or be a good friend or whatever. so he pushes himself up to stand & ignores that it takes too much effort to get himself upright. the couch is a second-hand thing with broken springs & deflated cushions — it’s almost easier to sit on the ground than it is on the couch. bertolt still has a habit of trying to argue that the couch can still be redeemed. each time, reiner & annie exchange a look; they scribble on the refrigerator’s white board : 0 days since bertolt had tunnel vision.

the two of them also have an alliance, though they are reluctant to name it.

bertolt presses himself to stand & follows reiner into the bathroom. the medicine cabinet is in some disarray, truthfully. one of the shelves had gone crooked the night prior ( bertolt sends his gratitude to a missing peg ), so the contents had gone scattered in the sink. there are always people in his apartment, so he hasn’t had the chance to sort the cabinet’s contents properly.

the bottle reiner shakes is an old one. bertolt reaches past a bottle of mouthwash & plucks the correct bottle from hiding.

‘ scale of one to ten though, how anxious are you ? ‘cause annie might throw your burrito at you if you’re under a six. i think she’d do it just for a good time, too. ‘

he shakes the bottle & offers it towards reiner.

‘ thanks for picking up dinner. meat spoon & all. ‘

[graysongraysoff]

not to use my public-facing blog as a mental health journal but

i do need to start recording this stuff because i don’t know what’s wrong with me and i need to be able to articulate it to my psychiatrist next time i see him

bc i floated the idea that it could be grief in our last appointment but now i don’t think it is

so like, my main problem (for, let’s face it, my entire fucking life) has been tiredness and lethargy. i joke a lot that i’m just a “tired-natured person” and that i have “chronic eepy disease” but like. even though i joke i get that that’s not normal, lol. i thought getting back on synthroid would help with that, but to be honest it really hasn’t, despite my gp saying that my thyroid levels are normal now. no matter how early i go to bed or how well i sleep, i always have a significantly hard time getting up in the morning. i went to bed at 10 p.m. last night, which is my normal healthy bed time, and i slept right through my alarm until 9:30 in the morning, and that’s like. not unusual for me. which isn’t good. i shouldn’t need almost 12 hours of sleep to function (and “function” is generous, because, you guessed it, i’m still tired. if i laid down right now i am confident i would have no trouble falling right back to sleep.)

my dad and my sister both have sleep apnea, but i haven’t really shown any signs of that other than the tiredness? but i guess i also haven’t had a sleep test since i was like. six. so maybe that’s something to look into.

but until i got on my adhd/depression meds i didn’t snore or even really move in my sleep, which i know are sleep apnea things - now i snore a little and twitch and have really vivid dreams so. idk, maybe one of the meds i’m on is causing some problems?? which i mean. that’d be a real bummer, because the adhd meds in particular have been super helpful, but if i’m often waking up and eating breakfast so late that i’m forgetting to take them anyway... then yeah. not ideal.

long story short, i don’t know what’s going on but i really need to figure it out because i can’t imagine my work is going to be cool with me showing up to work late if it becomes much more consistent, lol.

[anastacialy]

you know, with this third episode of hbo's the last of us series, the writers strayed farther from the source material than i ever thought possible, telling what was almost an entirely different story than the original game intended.

and i wouldn't change a single goddamn thing about what i just watched.

major spoilers under the cut.

my heart has been ripped from my chest. i wasn't expecting that in the slightest — i thought, yeah, we'd see a bit of bill and frank's backstory, then the content from the game would pick up, but i didn't think we'd get this beautiful feature-film about the two of them.

i had even made a comment to my partner just saying i hoped they'd make their relationship clearer as it had been mostly implied in-game. my expectations were low. and then they were completely blown out of the water. i'm trying to articulate my thoughts but it's so difficult. i cried so hard my chest felt like it was going to split open.

i feel like they stayed true to the characters, while changing the circumstances surrounding them. if this version of frank had been bitten, he'd have made the same choice as he did in-game. they even showed them fighting, both hot-headed, not always seeing eye to eye. bill would have grown far more bitter and angry without him, especially had he died while they were in an argument. but i am so glad that wasn't the choice the writers went with. yes, there were some imperfections about this plot, obviously i'm not going to deny that, but it may be a discussion for a later post. right now, i'm just taken aback by the whole thing.

i'll try to start at the beginning. obviously, there was a bit of interaction with joel and ellie, which i loved. they just went through something awful, they're still being defensive and standoffish and joel's life has just been torn apart yet again. and now he's saddled with this angry teenager who loves running her mouth. but we get some glimpses of his caring for her. him being worried when she's getting herself in trouble — i could write a separate essay about the choices she made in the shop basement, honestly, i probably will — and him trying to steer her away from the carnage and cruelty of FEDRA in the earliest stages of the outbreak.

i loved her acknowledgement of the fact that she was raised by FEDRA and therefore has gaps in her knowledge about how the outbreak occurred — "they don't teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic" what a line. i loved joel's explanation of the events. no one knows for sure, but it's stated so factually: so how many times must he have run it in his head? how many times must he have done the math, figured out why he didn't get sick, why sarah and tommy didn't get sick? why what happened happened the way it did. what an amazing addition.

and then, bill. ah, bill. made one thousand times more incredible by this adaptation of him. living every survivalist's dream. not without the tragedy we know lends him those resources, of course, but what a way of establishing how he came to be, his securing of the area, etc. it was believable, but more importantly incredibly fun to watch him work through each issue he faced. it was interesting to see they chose for him to live alone that way for four years, until frank stumbled into his life.

frank, who started out with ten people leaving his quarantine zone behind and ended up as the last alive. who knew how hard it was going to be to survive on his own. who took a chance, asking a stranger for help, and found his next sixteen years of joy beyond that electrified fence. i loved the way it was clear he may have been doing part of this all — the flattery, the flirting — in order to keep himself safe. but it was subtle, and it ended up working out, growing into something beautiful.

the way their first meeting went, the dinner and the wine and the piano. and the unexpected scene upstairs. it was so sweet and well done and they were a fantastic amount of awkward, and shy, and it was amazing. bill's nervous hands. the way that their kisses grew more familiar and natural as the episode went on. i feel like i'm already going on far too long — what could be said has been said by the show itself.

and what was also left horribly, tragically unsaid when it came to tess and joel. compared directly to the very-clearly-a-couple bill and frank, joel skirting around their relationship yet referring to tess as 'mine,' seeing her bright, excited, hopeful face interacting with frank when the wound of her death is still fresh on our minds. and that last heartbreak, which i'll circle back around to.

every scene with bill and frank was incredible. i loved the way they were written, both imperfect, both selfish and stubborn and frustrating in different ways. both incredibly loving toward one another. their fight, frank's insistence on making their home nice, the stores nice, the boutique nice. "let me love it the way i want to." frank growing strawberries in secret to surprise bill. tending to his bullet wound — i was truly afraid, as they had changed so much of their plot already, that was going to be the end of him. then, another ten years pass with a sigh of relief. bill carrying frank to bed, giving him his pills, caring for him.

and a heart wrenching decision made in the face of pain and health in decline. i liked that this now had little to do with the outbreak itself and instead with those who get left behind (pardon the title reference) in the thick of it. of course there are still other illnesses and disabilities, those don't just vanish in a pandemic. and without doctors, without access to medical care, what other choices get made. feels poignant for the moment, but again, the connections to real world events could be a separate post. and they likely will be, hah.

but frank's final day, what he has chosen to be his last day, mirroring their first day together absolutely ruined me. my heart, torn asunder. they dressed in their finest from the boutique frank had insisted on fixing years prior. "love me the way i want you to." marrying one another on the piano bench (something, maybe, that they hadn't thought too much about doing, before. their marriage wouldn't have been recognized when the outbreak started, certainly not everywhere. so they left it undone until it was almost the end.) the dinner. bill turning the plate with a little flair the way he had before. the wine. the fact that, in classic tragic romance, bill's wine was already drugged. that we don't know if he'd have even told frank he was choosing death too, had frank not called him out on it. but that he did, and we got to see them know they were going out, peacefully, in sleep, together.

and that last letter to joel, the final wrench to my heart. "there was one person worth saving. that's what i did. i saved him. then i protected him. that's why men like you and me are here." [...] "i leave you all of my weapons and equipment. use them to keep tess safe." again, acknowledging she was who joel cared for the way bill cared for frank. that final mention of her made me weep even harder than her death scene had. because it was a glimpse into the joy they might have had, if things were just a little different. a glimpse into what joel has just lost.

and that final shot a bookend to bill and frank's story, which had opened, unbeknownst to us, at the end of episode one. eighties music and two closed windows. then their song, and an open one.

this was all so far and away from the game's story. and i am so, so thankful that they changed so, so much.

[bamboo-boned]

10/20/22

10/20/22 

"What God Doesn't Give To You, 

You've Got To Go And Get For Yourself" 

I'm trying to come to terms with how I feel about applying the term transgender to myself. I keep pushing back when I try to say that. I feel like I don’t count. I don't act particularly feminine, I don't try to look feminine, I don't feel feminine on the outside. 

I actively try to hide it. It's not second nature to me, I'll admit. Part of me worries maybe this is a phase. I think a part of me wants this to be a phase because if it is a phase, that means this will go away. 

Unfortunately, I know that isn't true. I know I've felt this way most of my life. I've wanted this most of my life. It's just now I have been asked to articulate my feelings for once. I have an opportunity to share this with someone. Now that I have accepted this as an option, I find myself in private talking in a voice that doesn't bother me. A voice that I don't feel ashamed of. I can talk. I can talk with confidence. I think that once I can feel normal and confident by myself, maybe I can start adopting these "other" things around others. 

I'm far from going out in public like this. I know I don't have that kind of bravery yet. I haven't had luck with support groups in my area, but I found a reddit group that shares posts from individuals who are currently questioning or in the same exploratory stage that I'm in. It's nice for people to so accurately describe these feelings I'm having. Some of the feelings that feel so suffocating to me, they can observe with a level of humor that makes coping not so difficult. I find myself lately looking at this reddit when I am feeling dysphoric or out of sorts. 

My biggest issue lately is I don't know what being female means to me. Not entirely. I know what I want. It feels so vain of me to describe what I want, but maybe it's necessary. I need to remember when I do these things that I need to not expect anything. It's nerve wracking. 

I know I'll never be the fragile, petite, delicate figure I want to be. Slender or frail, just wasn't in the plan for me. Hairless. Free of the glaring reminder of the testosterone coursing through my veins. Not seeing the tufts of hair popping out from the back of my shirt.  Not having to shave my chest on a near daily basis, not having these awful satyr-like legs. The confidence not to be afraid of what others think would be nice as well. A more feminine face. One that doesn't remind me of the man underneath. I want longer hair. I can have that easily. I think someday I’d like to completely remove my facial and body hair. 

I think... maybe someday I'd like to try HRT. Fuck. That's a scary thought. There really isn't a going back from that. The psychology student that I drank away remembers what the DSM-V says about gender dysphoria. That needs to last for a solid six months at least. September 1st was the first time I ever wrote about gender dysphoria. November first will be two solid months since I brought this idea to my own attention. Let's see how I feel in March. If I still feel like this in March of 2023, I’ll start to consider HRT more seriously. It doesn't look like that's changing anytime soon. The more time that passes the more and more I fall into that person. I want to name that side of me. 

It's hard picking a name for yourself. I don't know how people come to those conclusions. I like Laura Jane Grace's route, asking her mom. I'm scared of how that conversation will go. How do I ask Mom that? It's telling, going up to her and asking, "What would you have named me if I was a girl?" Part of me wants to pick something respectful. I------. It's respectful to [great aunt], but I personally don't like the name for me. E--- seems a little hard to take on, especially if Dad doesn't approve (which he absolutely won’t). R----- and T----- don't feel right. I want it to be a Hispanic name. Beatriz or Esperanza or Soledad. If I picked Soledad, I could go by Sunny, which I think is kind of cute. Maybe that's the name. Soledad R--------. 

Fuck. 

I like that name. I like the ring. It's scary though. It's scary to step into that name. I think attaching a female name to me makes it too real. I feel anxious and afraid, but excited and happy about it too. 

I feel weirdly giddy after typing it. Soledad R--------. It makes me shiver and almost tear up a little. I love it. Soledad. That is the name of the person writing this. Soledad R--------. I wanted to write more, but it scares me. This scares me. Baby steps. That's what we're going to take. Baby steps. 

[ninja-librarian]

I don't know if this will be revealed, but how did Boyd and Louie decide to adopt Sylvie? How did Sylvie decide to choose them as her dads?

First, I want to emphasize how much Louie and Sylvie hated each other when they first went on this adventure that ended with Sylvie's adoption. Louie was mad at Sylvie for conning him when they first met, and he lashed out at her, and she lashed right back. All Sylvie knew about Louie when she first met him was that he was the great-nephew of the richest duck in the world and heir to his company, so she just assumed it was all nepotism at its finest and Louie was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, making a lot of judgements about him as a person, basically.

Once they're on the adventure, Louie gets more frustrated when Sylvie easily bonded immediately with Boyd, because... he's Boyd, he's got that way with people. Sylvie tries to hate Boyd on principle, because he's yet another adult and he's married to Louie, but finds that she can't, not when he's so genuinely nice to her and caring. Plus, he trusts her and encourages others--namely, Louie--to trust her. Sylvie tries to still keep some distance, because she's never had an adult in her life stay for very long and she's not going to get disappointed and have her heart broken again.

Sylvie and Louie each separately said something to Boyd along the lines of "I don't know how you can stand him/her." and Boyd's response is basically "He/She reminds me a lot of you." Which they both initially take offense at. Boyd tells Sylvie that there's a deeper level to Louie than she can see, and tells Louie that there must be some reason why Sylvie steals and cons--and that he thinks Louie knows deep down what that might be.

While they're on this adventure and camping out, Louie finds Sylvie is still awake near the campfire and goes to join her. He tells her about how, when he was a little kid, he didn't know that his great-uncle was Scrooge McDuck. The only family he ever had was his brothers and Uncle Donald. He tells Sylvie about growing up financially insecure, with Donald unable to hold down a job for very long and money being tight with three kids and one income when Donald did have steady employment; Donald outright owning the houseboat was the only way they kept a roof over their heads the entire time the boys were growing up. Louie saw how hard and honestly Donald worked and realized that it never amounted to anything, not when it often led to Donald being disrespected by bosses and customers, or fired over just about anything, even if something wasn't entirely Donald's fault. He figured out pretty quickly that the difference was power, and figured out that the way to get power was to have money. Working hard and honestly for it didn't seem to work for his uncle, so why should Louie bother doing the same when he could get money by being dishonest and lazy? It wasn't until he was in his teens that he realized this and could articulate how he felt and unbury some of those feelings of powerlessness as a kid, and ended up going to therapy.

Louie fully admits to Sylvie that he's done things that, looking back, he wasn't proud of, but he's glad that he was able to move past that point in his life and grow. And he apologizes to her, because he should have recognized those feelings of powerlessness and trying to change her situation in Sylvie. Sylvie is taken aback by the apology, having never had an adult apologize to her before, and though Louie gives her an opening to talk about her situation, she lies and tells him that she has a family, they're just really poor. Louie tells her that, when they get back, he'll do what he can to help her, and, knowing she'd get caught in the lie, tells him that she doesn't want his help and that she's not some charity case before storming away and going back to her sleeping bag.

Adventure continues, and Sylvie inadvertently shows off her Sharpie skills, which Louie takes note of, and when there's a big battle, Louie and Sylvie end up working together to create a plan after Louie tells her that she is sharper than the sharpies and that he knows she can figure this out, and that he's right there to help her see the angles she can't. Sylvie takes comfort in this and together they work out a plan, and save the day.

After that, things are infinitely better between Louie and Sylvie; Louie, who had been a big ball of stress for days, feels relaxed around her, and he offers Sylvie an internship of sorts upon returning to Duckburg--so long as her parents are fine with it. At which point Sylvie knows that her lie is going to get found out so she deflects and says "Thanks, but no thanks". But Sylvie feels very comfortable around Boyd and Louie, and wishes it could last forever, but doesn't tell either of them that.

When they get back to Duckburg, Sylvie tries to sneak away during the reunions. What she didn't know was that Boyd had been in contact with Daisy, asking her to find Sylvie's parents to let them know that she was safe. What Daisy found instead was Sylvie's social worker, who was not happy with Sylvie's disappearing act. Louie and Boyd see that Sylvie's being yelled at by an angry woman and rush over to defend her, and the truth comes out: Sylvie has no family, she's been in foster care pretty much her entire life, and is a repeat runaway and thief. Louie, who had told Sylvie before that she was nothing but trouble only to have her say "Yeah, I've heard that before", realizes why she's heard that before... Sylvie was told that this was the last straw, she's going to get shipped away to a boarding school for troubled kids. Sylvie says that the adventure was worth it, and thanks Louie and Boyd for taking a chance on her.

Boyd and Louie are absolutely gutted over Sylvie's situation, have some debate over whether or not they could possibly adopt her or if they should, then their parents and Drake gives them some advice and they make the decision: they can't live without Sylvie any longer, and they're going to bring her home.

Sylvie didn't know she wanted Boyd and Louie to be her dads until the moment they came for her, saying they wanted to adopt her. She who was nothing but trouble, who needed to be taught how to properly get into and out of trouble, was wanted and loved as a daughter. It was not something she'd let herself dream of having, but when the offer came, she knew it was right and said "Yes, I want to be your daughter."

And that's how the Duck-Gearloose family came to be.