#i had so many things i wanted to do and i just. cannot
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harmacytechnician · 2 days ago
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No, like actually. I was talking to one of my patients, who is a trans woman, and she was telling me how ever since she legally changed her gender with her insurance and on all her records, she's been getting messages from her doctor's office telling her she needs to schedule a pap smear for an organ she does not have while her insurance also is now refusing to cover her sildenafil because they think it's a medication only men need (and the insurance of course does not account for trans women in this equation). The healthcare system (at least in the US, where my experience with it lies) is absolute dogshit at accommodating trans people in most cases.
I cannot tell you how many times I've had to call up insurances and explain to them the concept of a trans person when they can't fathom why someone labeled 'female' in his medical chart could possibly need to be taking testosterone. It's goddamn exhausting.
And to make things even more fucking annoying, I see patients whose medications get blanket denied (like, ALL medications) due to their gender being denoted as trans in my office's system but as a binary (no transness specified) gender in their insurance's files (some insurance companies have a nonbinary option, but I have yet to find an insurance company that makes note of transness in how they code the binary gender marker for their patients). And this was state Medicaid doing this shit! As in, the insurance that many patients have no choice but to go with because they can't afford private insurance and/or their employer does not offer medical benefits. And if a tech was working that didn't know the right codes to override this annoying-ass "quirk" in the system, then that patient thinks they just can't get their meds. I've talked to every tech in my pharmacy and gone over this with them, because it's an easy fix on our end if you know what to do, and have taken to putting a note about how to fix it in the patient's chart when I see that they have this problem affecting them so that the staff at other locations will also see it.
It ain't much, but I do what I can to make this fucked system work as well as I can make for my patients. I've been on the receiving end of this shit (my insurance didn't want to cover my pap smear after I changed my gender marker to male, because of fucking course), and I'll be damned if I don't try to keep my patients from dealing with this nonsense.
hey in case you didn't know trans inclusive terminology in healthcare is not about protecting peoples feelings, it's to stop insurance companies from going "well it says here that hysterectomies are a procedure performed on WOMEN and you keep insisting that you're a MAN so we do not in fact have to cover that have a nice day and eat shit"
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cherryswisherz · 14 hours ago
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roles reversed
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toxic!paige x toxic!reader
warnings: smut, sub!paige, reader pushed paige into a wall, toxic toxic toxic situationship (LEAVE THEM IT NEVER ENDS WELL)
based on this req
"we be on some toxic shit, but i cannot get off this bitch"
forever (lil baby ft. fridayy, 2022)
-
this girl got me fucked up. 
"so let me get this straight." i asked, rubbing my temples because paige was giving me a fucking migraine. "you thought that i had a thing for your teammate.... so you FUCKED SOMEONE ELSE?"
"okay when you put it like that-" 
"THERES NO OTHER FUCKING WAY TO PUT IT PAIGE!" i was full on screaming at this point. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT I'M NOT NOR AM I GOING TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE?" 
"bro stop yelling at me." 
she was making demands right now? 
oh she has life all the way fucked up.
"get the fuck out paige."  i shook my head and began to walk to my room. 
i had to just end it.
that situationship shit was for the fucking birds and i had to protect my peace because if i handled it was gonna end up in fucking prison. 
"baby no, let's talk about this."
"oh i'm baby now?" i scoffed at this. "was i baby when you were fucking that girl? was i baby when you chose not to ask the simplest fucking question, and instead chose to step out on the rule that you  created?" i asked walking closer to her, with my fists clenched because at that point...
i needed that.
"or am i only baby when you need a rough fuck?" her eyes flicked from mine to my lips, which only further irritated me. "am im only baby after you've called me every other name in the book?" her tongue darted out against her bottom lip as i finally reached her, standing directly in front of her, daring her to break the eye contact i'd established. "you only want me when no one else is willing to let you do shit we do." i shoved her, making her stumble. 
"yo." she says, still holding eye contact. "chill out."
yeah i'm finna whoop her muhfuckin ass. 
"bro on my mama you got me fucked up." i muttered and start pushing her as hard as i could, saying whatever came to my mind. 
"you wanna fuck bitches now?" shove "that's what you wanna do?" shove "you wanna fuck them and then come here and fuck me like im just an afterthought?" shove "get the fuck out!" and then finally her back met the wall next to my door and i felt like i'd accomplished something.
....that was until she put me in a bear hug, making it damn near impossible to move. "y/n, stop bro!"
i used all my strength and ripped myself out of her hold. "NO YOU STOP!" i yelled. "do you have any idea how fucking annoying you fucking are bro?" i asked trying to catch my breath. "how the fuck do you sit there and make the 'no fucking other people' rule and then turn around and break it? you fucking slut."
 "i'm a slut?" she asked, smirking a little, but at this point i didn't give a damn. i was gonna say what i needed to say and then be done with this whole thing. 
"yes. a slut. a whore. whatever you wanna call yourself." i said, crossing my arms. "you never wanted to be exclusive. you just wanted me to be yours and only yours. but you wanna go give away everything that's mine. you're community pussy at this point." 
she practically howled at that. "community pussy is crazy." this bitch was laughing in my fucking face-
next thing i knew i was running towards her ready to molly whop her ass. 
"okay! okay! chillchillchillchill!" she put her hands up before i got to her, which made me stop. "what can i do to fix this?"
easy. 
"ask me to be your girlfriend." 
"anything but that." 
this is exactly why i was trying to smack her. because she's one of them dumb hoes. she just said 'what can i do?'... 
just stupid. 
all of a sudden an idea hit me. 
"let me fuck you." i crossed my arms and smirked because i knew she would give me the upper hand if i wanted it.  
paige wasn't a stone top. she was a switch, she just didn't do it often because i was the og pillow princess. but not today. today i was gonna do what she'd been doing to me for almost 6 months. 
ruin her. 
"oh?" she grinned. "you wanna top me baby?"
"i really wanna beat your ass but martin luther king said violence isn't the answer and i listen to my ancestors... so yes, this will do."
she chuckled a little which irked the fuck out of me but then she plopped on the couch and manspread. "do your worst." 
she had no fucking idea what my worst was.
i climbed in her lap and her hands moved to my ass but i quickly shut that down and pinned them to the couch on either side of her. then i proceeded to take her shirt and sports bra off so that her top half was completely bare. 
i took a moment to admire her. leaving paige alone would have honestly been so much easier if she was ugly but unfortunately, she's hand crafted by jesus himself, so here i was... delusional and pissed off again. 
i start with her neck, soft kisses at first, then as i felt her breathing pick up i switched to longer, more sensual movements and grind into her lap, smiling at the way her hips buck up. i place a hand on her collarbones and slide them down to her tits, kneading them and relishing in the whimpers escaping paiges lips. 
she tried to close her legs as my hands travel further down her body. 
"spread your legs." i demanded. 
she blinked a few times, her blue eyes finding mine. she looked like she couldn't comprehend what i was saying, but when i slid my hand across the space of her lap between us, she complied, eagerly spreading her legs for me. 
a soft sigh from her lips as my hands slipped past the waistband of her briefs and grazed her core. 
"yes, fuck," she breathed out, arching into my fingers that ran circles around her clit. so impatient. a moan fell from her lips as i sped up my pace, making her legs spread further as she chased her orgasm. 
which she seemed desperate for. that much was obvious by how gloriously wet she was for me. 
she gripped the cushions of my couch, moaning even louder when i slid two fingers into her. 
"right there" she breathed rolling her eyes closed as i hit her spot. she moaned especially loud when i curled my fingers into her. i felt her legs grow tight under me, which  made me want to smile with pride for myself. 
"how you feel p?" i felt her tighten around my fingers as i spoke. 
"close- im so close and- shit - it feels so good." she breathed out, chest rising and falling with each breath. 
i curled my fingers deeper inside of her to hit that spongy spot and soaked in the cry she let out. 
then i slid out of her.  leaving her hanging. 
"now how do you feel?" i asked. 
the look on paiges face was murderous and pained at the same time. like she hated this but she was gonna put up with it anyway. 
"like you're not done yet." 
i smiled. "not even close babe." i patted her thigh, stepping off of her lap. "go to my bed and wait for me." 
as i sauntered off into my hallway closet to t get he batteries i needed, i heard the soft patters of paiges sock covered feet hurrying to my bedroom. 
i grabbed the batteries and walked into my room to find paige sitting at the foot of my bed, rid of her bottoms, feet tapping the ground in what, im assuming, anticipation. 
i moved so i was standing directly in front of her, grabbing her jaw and pulling her into a kiss that even had me ready to let this whole thing go. 
luckily though, i had enough willpower to pull away and walk to my night stand. 
"lay down for me p." and she did. 
watching her like this was almost painful. bare, toned body layed out on my bed, and she was doing everything i'd asked without a second thought. 
i lived for this shit.
i was pulled out of my thoughts when paige asked what i was gonna do.
great fucking question. 
 i took my time, looking in the drawer of my nightstand, which held all of the things paige had often used to bring me to my highest points. 
not that she need them.
i decided to keep it simple and nabbed the black bullet shaped toy then made my way back to the gorgeous piece of woman that was losing her mind in my bed. 
"legs wider apart." i heard her breathe sharply as she drummed her fingers on her toned stomach. 
she was excited which made me feel a little bit better about what i was about to do. 
setting the toy down on bed beside paige, i knelt down so i was face to face with her core that was still primed from her denied orgasm earlier. 
god she was sooooo... FUCK.
"you're always acting like i'm just a quick fuck to you p." i ran two fingers up her folds, ignoring the whimper she let out, "and i don't know why." i slid a finger into her and leaned down so i fell face first into her pussy. 
her eyes rolled back as i rubbed circles on her clit and pumped in and out of her with increasing speed. 
her back arched off the bed when i added a second finger and attached my lips to her clit, sucking lightly but i used my free hand to hold her hips her place. 
i pulled back long enougt to say "watch." 
with hooded eyes she stares down at me like i had hung the moon and stars myself. 
as she fucking should.
loud moans echoed around the room as she leaned further into my touch and i knew she was getting close. 
but she wasn't getting off that easy. 
she whined my name the second i'd stopped touching her. 
but i only laughed as turned it on the vibrator, giggling when her previously shut eyes flew open. 
"baby-" she was cut off by her own gasp, jerking forward when i tapped the vibrator against her clit. 
"don't. cum." standing up so i was looking down at her i asked the million dollar question. "i wanna know why you don't wanna be my girlfriend." i murmured, teasing her her folds. "just give me your point of view." 
i knew how she was feeling because i'd been in this very position so many times before. I knew she probably couldn't even think straight, let alone speak, but that wasn't gonna stop me from fucking with her. 
she whimpered as i dipped the vibrator inside of her. 
"speak, paige." i demanded, sliding the toy back out of her, only to run it over her puffy clit earning me a frustrated groan. 
"because you're you and i'm me- shit-" she moaned, arching off the bed again as i held the vibrator softly on her clit. "w-we're just- fuck- so different and i don't wanna..." she trailed off when i applied more pressure. 
"don't what?" i forced out, admiring the way her hands were gripping my sheets. 
when she didn't answer me i turned the vibration up a notch, soaking in the moans and whimpers she gave me.  
"please," she pleaded as her legs began trembling. 
"you just have to give an answer paige and i'll let you cum." i replied, turning the vibrator up again. 
with a deep moans she finally gave in. "i don't wanna lose you" she basically sobbed. 
 that's all i needed.
"cum for me paige." 
her eyes slammed shut and her head flew back as her whole body shook. guttural moans left her throat as she fell apart in front of me. 
it was beautiful, really. 
when she'd ridden her orgasm out, i tossed the vibrator on the bed and laid between her legs that wrapped around my waist. kissing her deeply, and pushing her hair out of her face, i fought the smile that was forming. 
right now wasn't about proving my point. it was about grounding paige. 
her eyes were glazed over as she stared at the ceiling, catching her breath. and then after a few seconds, her hands slithered around my waist, under my shirt. 
with a sigh, she her eyes met mine and she began talking. "of course i want you to be mine. i think.... i think i'm just scared i'm gonna fuck it up and you're gonna be done with me for real."
"you're gonna lose me regardless if you don't figure this shit out p." i said, pulling up so i was straddling her naked body. "i can't keep doing this shit. this was never just sex and you going out doing whatever with whoever is fucking me up a little." 
"i know mama." she said, pulling me back so i was flush against her chest, hugging me tightly "i'm gonna work on it, i swear." 
and even though it sounded nice in the moment, i knew she was full of shit. she'd never change, and i knew it. 
but a piece of me never wanted to stop trying. 
niyah speaks may this type of love never find you guys
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pandorascripts · 2 days ago
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Familiar By Thy Side
author yapping: here is part one to the Salem AU! I've decided to make this multi-chaptered because I don't want to rush the bonding that needs to take place. But, for you readers, I have a question.. do I make it Agathario/Reader? It's at a point right now where it totally could be and it would develop naturally, maybe even better. It's up to y'all though! The second chapter is almost done :) Pairings: Agatha Harkness/Reader Warnings: kidnapping, violence, agatha being agatha
Disclaimer: this is the 1700s. THEY WILL SPEAK AS SUCH. no use of thy and it's other forms because I'm too lazy to learn how to use them and they're strictly used in an informal sense. Let me know thoughts, opinions, and if you'd like to be tagged from this point on for this series :) ----------------------------------------------
Agatha’s calloused hands run along Nicky’s sleeping face, her pointer finger gently gliding down his nose. Her time with him is borrowed, she knows, but even if the knowledge is supposed to find her comfort in the inevitability, she can’t deal with it. Death, her lover, will take the one thing that’s truly ever mattered to her – her baby boy. The denial is strong, Agatha needs to stop Rio from doing her job, no matter the cost. It’s why she’s forced to bring Nicky into her scams – why she’s forced to kill so many witches. Agatha needs power to defeat such a vile eldritch horror – to accomplish something no one has ever done. Even now, she’s managed to stall death when no one else could. If Agatha could trade her spot for Nicky’s, she would.
It’s another one of their scams in the morning, Agatha sweeping some dirt out of her temporary home and through the threshold. Nicky comes bolting in, Agatha’s face holding bewilderment as a witch yells out he’s stolen from her. “You dare shame your mother with theft?” she barks out, setting her broom down whilst Nicky darts out of the house and through the back. Agatha makes sure that he’s out of sight before starting to rile up the witches, a shocked gasp leaving her lips when their magick hits her earlier than she expected. Nonetheless, the power rips through her and settles in her bones, a low groan echoing out of her lips. 
When her eyes are open again, Agatha makes eye contact with a young witch, one who hadn’t blasted her with magick. Wordlessly, you stand and watch in horror and confusion at the scene before you. All you had done was try to chase the thief down with a co-worker of yours, not at all expecting this. 
“What is this?” you gasp out, stuttering a couple steps back from Agatha. 
Her hands wrap around the wooden broom once more, jaw tight and lips clenched. You're visible to Nicky in the doorway now, his eyes darting around to take a good look at you. 
Agatha swings the broom down with a yell, forcing as much impact into the swing so it knocks you out. A hard thud echoes across the house, Nicholas barreling to stop Agatha from hurting you again. 
“Mama, wait,” he says quickly, Agatha’s hands immediately dropping the broom before she herself even realizes Nicky’s in front of her. 
“What are you doing, boy?” 
Despite his mother’s hard tone, Nicky feels something – something like his growing magick. There’s a sense he gets about you – your strength, bubbling just under the surface like his is. He can feel it. You’re powerful and you can aid them to stop Death. 
“She’s – she’s powerful, Mama. You can help her like you’ve helped me – then she can help us stop mo – that lady.” 
Agatha clenches her jaw harder, but tries not to show her frustration with him. He’s a sweet boy, curious and full of a zest for life, but he’s naïve. Too naïve. “No, she cannot help. She’s but a young woman – hardly a witch, Nicky. We’d be best to cover tracks and leave this village. Go back outside now.” 
Nicky shakes his head again, holding his mother’s hand when she grabs for the broom again. “Mama, she can. Please, trust in me.” 
Agatha stares down her boy, lips pursed into a thin line, her hand slack on the broom. It falls to the floor as she turns her head, huffing out. “You’ll be fetching that food for her then, and not complaining when she’s given your sleeping arrangements.” 
Agatha couldn’t say why she agreed to this. You’ll harbor a resentment for her, a hatred, and Agatha’s sure that you’ll need to be killed within your first night so there’s no betrayal. When Nicholas smiles that toothy grin of his, face buried in her stomach a moment later, she knows then why she agreed. Of course, Agatha won’t be giving you his sleeping arrangements or forcing him to fetch you food – you’ll do all of those on your own and Agatha will refuse to look out for you. If you die, you die. If you try to leave, she’ll kill you. If you try to hurt her or Nicky, you’ll be killed as well. 
Your first couple nights with the odd duo finds you quietly nursing a migraine, too timid to speak to either one of them – despite Nicky’s attempts to get you to converse with his never-ending chatter. That innocent boy keeps asking to know from where you come from, why you were alone in that village, what type of witch you are, how strong you are – everything is on the table. His mother – the ever-growing infamous witch-killer – is the exact opposite. The glances she gives you tells you she’s watching you, but she’s comfortable enough in either her own skill or in your lack of, that you're not needed to be constantly watched. She’s yet to introduce herself, as you are to them both too, but Nicholas wasn’t shy about it. He seemingly can’t understand how dangerous of a position you’re in – to be this close to a witch-killer, a traitor, a murder, because he can only see his ever-doting mother, Agatha. 
You shift on the leaves under your dirty dress, the woods doing work on the fabrics. You’re not sure when you’ll have access to more clothes again – hell, you’re not even sure when you’ll have access to the world again. 
“Mama, what is it you’ve made for supper?” Nicky asks, drinking out from a small flask that he then hands to his mother again. 
Agatha watches him, her eyes darting over at you with a mean glare before going back to Nicky. “Bread, some turkey too. You must eat the turkey quickly, I lifted it from the last village and am not sure how much longer it may last.” 
Nicky nods his head, murmuring a “thank you” before diving in. Agatha eats her portion, not sparing you a glance. You’ve expected this – even been able to realize Agatha has no care for you being here. This wasn't her idea, but you’re unaware of the circumstances that require you to be imprisoned by her. Regardless, Nicky’s complete innocence and unawareness of this tension between you and his mother results in him splitting off his food to share with you. 
Agatha glares at you from next to Nicky, your stomach growling and begging you to grab the food offered. Simply, Agatha’s mean glare sends shivers up your spine and stops you from even considering grabbing it for another second. You shake your head at the young boy, fiddling with your hands as you stare down in your lap. The sun is starting to set by now, the light-source mainly coming from the campfire Agatha lit with her magic. Your head turns to watch the hues mix in the sky, so akin to the palettes you used to paint on just days ago. Never in your life had you ever thought you’d miss something that used to be so routinely ingrained in your day-to-day life. 
Nicky looks at his mom before back down at his food, eyebrows pressed together and lips thinned – an expression you’ve seen his mother do countless times over these past couple days. It’s been some time now and she’s yet to introduce herself, which is the least she could do considering the situation she’s forced you into. With a slow blink, fighting a yawn and tears, you stand up and walk over to a tree just a few feet out. Your small shawl is used as a pillow, legs scrunched together so your body is like a ball, and you keep your back to them. The thought that this doesn’t suit your preservation is fleeting, being replaced by a hope that maybe the witch killer will live up to her name with you. 
The night passes and you do actually wake up, waking up in fact to Nicky’s mother watching you. Your head turns to look for the boy, oddly enough, but you can’t spot him at all. Tightening your jaw for a moment, you search again within your immediate vision – nothing. The words leave your lips before you can even think about the repercussions. 
“Where’s Nicky?” 
Agatha shifts from a couple feet away, a blank look on her face. “Nicholas.” 
“What?” You give her an incredulous look, blinking a quick couple times as you watch her fix up her hair. 
“His name is Nicholas to you.” 
Silence suffocates you, just as much as confusion. Why was it such a big deal to her? It was a stupid name, in fact, if names mattered so much to her then why hadn’t she asked for yours yet. Alongside that, why hadn’t she introduced herself to you either? Shrugging mentally, which was definitely paired with an outward huff, you look at the dirt beneath your fingertips. They reach into the soil, your body tingling as you feel connection to the Earth around you. You keep them buried in the dirt, enjoying the warmth it provides before she speaks up. 
“Agatha.” 
Your head snaps. “Excuse me?” “My name. That’s what it is, since you’ve been complaining about your lack of knowing.” 
There’s a nod of your head, face red with embarrassment. Telepathic abilities, alongside siphoning? What else is she harboring? 
“Nothing you’ll find out. You’re not going to be with us for long.” 
Again, your head shoots over to look at her, a sneer on your face. “Out of my mind, witch.” 
“Using the term, but are you not also one?” “I am not a traitor, though.” 
“And what? That simply makes you better? How? You’ve no prior knowledge of what’s led me down this road – what’s led me to take action how I have. You judge without knowing, that is a crime truly more damaging than killing some odd hundreds of mediocre witches.” If her tone is anything to indicate, she’s pissed. You know this, your mind trying to fortify itself from her invasions. 
“You may relax, I don’t tend to dive into the minds of those who are inadequate. There’s nothing there they won’t speak – bigotry, fallacies, and lies.” 
Agatha, as you now know, is brutal in describing her picture of you. There’s not enough time for you to respond even if you had planned to, Nicky – Nicholas jogging into the small clearing. 
“Boy, you were gone too long.” 
“I am sorry, mama, but look at what I’ve made for you,” he says happily, completely missing how his mother is on the brink of homicide. In his hands is a delicate, messy, chunky crown crafted from daisies and other sorts of flowers. They do not go with Agatha’s outfit, her eyes, her glowing skin, or even her deep hair. Agatha looks at it as if it’s a crown fit for the queen. 
“Do you like it?” 
“Oh, Nicky, my love, it is divine. How is it you’ve managed to craft this beauty from such dainty flowers?” 
“Mama, you’re quite the jester this day,” he laughs out, sitting down to rest the back of his head in Agatha’s lap. 
You watch from a bit out, eyes flickering between the son and his mother. At one point, you and your mother had been like that – inseparable, bonded, attached. You can’t really remember the fine points of her face now. 
The conversation and laughs are muffled by your loud heartbeat, which has started to echo in your ears. It’s all-consuming, taking you hostage as you focus on it. With it come memories from before this, your life you lived happily and contently. The one that Agatha ripped away from you. Technically, yes, it was the boy’s fault, but he knew no better. There was nothing but pure child's optimism for his future, the truth about his mother’s treatment of witches slipping his mind. You hadn’t eaten in days now, your body angry and fatigued. 
“Girl, are you listening?” Agatha snaps out, your head moving to face her just as fast as lightning. 
“Apologies?” 
“Good lord.” She pauses to groan softly, Nicky scolds her as her flower crown tips off her head when it drops. “We leave at sundown and travel to the next road in the night. Day time is too popular an opportunity, so we’ll make haste for the river, hours before the next town.”
“What is the town?”
“Salem.”
Your jaw is tightly wound together, wide eyes glaring at Agatha. With a soft shake of your head, which metaphorically shakes off the memories of your brief time in Salem, you speak up. “No, I refuse to travel to that wretched town. Salem will kill us all, how do you not see?” “I’ve lived and breathed Salem many years, you’ll do fine. Long as you stick with the boy and I without speaking your insipid mind,” Agatha spits out, annoyed by you making this more complicated. “We are doing nothing but passing through for a few days. The trials have mainly migrated out of Salem and went southern.” 
“The risk is not worth wherever you long to be. I will not journey with you.” 
You’re sure you’ll be killed by Agatha, right here and right now for your clear disobedience. Alongside that sure reality, you’re positively aware that you’ll die trying to get back to your town. The way is lost on you, completely unfamiliar with the route Agatha has stuck you and Nicholas on. Your thoughts are losing volume, an awkward haze taking over you. Surrounding your vision is a small cloud of purple, one that mimics the colors in Agatha’s usually blue eyes.
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as-if-and-only-if · 3 days ago
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the thing that I've got to say is that it really is ethically straightforward that you should vote Harris.
it's not even a trolley problem, it's a trolley triviality. I don't want to use the meme because it seems disrespectful to use those specific images of MS paint people when these are real lives we're talking about.
The analogy itself is serious, though. it looks like this:
the track diverges at the lever; many people are on lower track, while no one is on the upper track. then: the tracks re-converge and continue, and there are people on the track after that convergence.
The point is that the lever—the vote—can be used to prevent those lives on the lower track from being lost, but cannot save the lives lost after the re-convergence.
it differs from the classic trolley problem in an extremely important way: there isn't anyone on the upper track. as such, it's not a question of "who do we save?"—it's only a question of "do we save the people we can?"
(I need to emphasize, because many on this site have long shed the shackles of reading comprehension, that this does not mean that no one dies as a consequence of U.S. or presidential policy choices in a vacuum. It means that your vote cannot prevent that, but your vote can prevent strictly more people from dying, with no trolley-problem type tradeoff of "who do we choose to die".)
~~~~~
you might think that this is abstracting away too much of the real situation—but it turns out it's ironclad.
to see that it is, and reconcile it with reality, we have to ask: what is not modeled by this analogy? where might it fail?
this amounts to asking the question: is there a benefit to killing the people on the lower track that makes doing so "worth it"?
that is: what justification might you have for saying "yes, we actually need to let those lives on the lower track, the ones we could save with the lever, be lost"?
and the answer—as you might have guessed—is that there is no such justification. no peculiar fact about voting means that you should let those people die.
~~~~~
so why do some people—very passionately—insist that not voting is right? I'll survey a few of the most common attempted justifications I've seen, such as:
"I'm not going to vote for less genocide." This is obviously equivalent to "I am totally fine with more genocide!", a truly horrific stance, and yet I have seen it nearly verbatim from so-called "leftists" a few times. My guess is that this usually stems from a kind of perceived moral contamination: a feeling that a "vote for" a candidate is a moral alignment. This is artificial; not real; not consequential. A vote only makes you responsible for the difference between the two tracks while they diverge. Touching the lever doesn't make you responsible for the track. Choosing between these two outcomes is all voting can do—and because voting for most is easy, and doesn't stop you from doing anything else, there are no trade-offs. No "I'm not at the lever, because I had to work on another way." (If your vote is suppressed, that's another story—but this doesn't imply a general anti-voting stance.)
Ironically, some who aren't voting feel they are "keeping their hands clean", when they are in fact actively increasing the chance of more death and suffering. This is kind of the definition of getting your hands "dirty"; it just doesn't feel like it because they're not touching a voting machine, which is kind of just magical thinking. it's not a point not made frequently enough, I think: what some think of as "doing the right thing" here is very much doing the wrong thing, with respect to their own underlying values of right and wrong, and with respect to what they say they care about. those who claim to have the moral high ground by not voting do not actually have it at all.
On that note, some people (fewer, though) seem to think that touching the lever does make you responsible for the track in a real outcome-based way. That somehow, voting lends "legitimacy" to the track, and that by not voting, we are maybe creating a future with no people on tracks. This is just not true; a dangerous fantasy that asks you to sit back and wait for a utopia that's not coming. There are enough voters in this upcoming election that that institution is not going anywhere anytime soon; you'd need a coordinated movement of not voting plus plans for what to do after the state has lost legitimacy, and that is just...obviously not here. To think otherwise is to live in that fantasy, and so to abandon ethical thinking at all, as ethics comes first from a confrontation with reality. you cannot act ethically without acting practically. However: the margins are thin enough that a few people deciding to vote (who wouldn't otherwise) could actually change the outcome. You can actually save the people on the lower track.
Some people think that the tracks never separate at all, or that the same people are on each, or that one way or another, Harris and Trump are "the same". If you think this, please look beyond tumblr "leftists" for facts here. You've been bombarded with all and only all the bad stuff about Harris (not arguing with most of that—though there are misconceptions, e.g. that Biden/Harris provided no protections for trans people); but you haven't seen how much worse Trump is on every single one of those cases, issue for issue, including Gaza. If you think Gaza can't get any worse, you've essentially written everyone still alive there off for dead. Likewise for any group who would suffer more under Trump. Needless to say—don't do that. The comparison—the difference between the diverging tracks—is all that ethically matters when deciding whether to flip the lever or leave it alone.
Some people think voting is primarily "speech", a means to communicate (or worse, merely express), and probably do not realize that this means they think the outcome of "sending a message" (which would do nearly nothing in real terms) is worth killing the people on the lower track.
Similarly, some people think that it's meaningful to "punish" Harris or the dems. (Truly, putting punishment over the cost in lives and suffering is the most horribly american thing to do here.) Some people just want the feeling of punishment, of blame; some people try to excuse their actions in advance ("well, if the dems lose, it will be their fault"), conveniently omitting their own agency in voting, and thus excusing them from the practice of acting ethically at all. Some people think that punishing the dems will actually push them left in the future, to which I say: you don't have a good reason to think this at all, based on history. Parties go where the winning is. And if you do still have a hunch to the contrary, I am sure you don't have a good reason to be reasonably certain of it. This means that you are paying for a gamble, a mere chance, one unsupported by fact, with the lives on the lower track. You can find another way.
~~~~~
Let's be concrete for a moment.
Since this is about difference, let me gesture to a few obvious differences between Trump and Harris: LGBTQ+ rights, Gaza, climate change, mass deportation of illegal immigrants, education, voting rights (and, yes, democracy), the economy, housing, the long-term future success of leftist movements and activism (much more difficult under Trump, who, no joke, has said neatly verbatim he wants to use the national guard and military to handle the leftist "enemy from within", and who can now do so thanks to the supreme court's ruling on presidential powers), everything Lina Khan and Deb Haaland are doing, etc.
And before you respond with something bad the dems or Harris are doing with respect to one of these—I know. Now compare it to Trump on the same issue. That is the only thing relevant to acting ethically in this brutal, tightly-constrained situation.
For example: Harris doesn't want to ban fracking or reduce oil consumption (bad), but wants to fund renewables, stay in the Paris agreement, strengthen climate initiatives in general.
Trump wants to completely gut funding for renewable energy, withdraw from the Paris accords, dramatically increase oil consumption, commercialize NOAA, weaken the EPA, and so on.
We don't get neither. A vote for none is a vote for "worse is fine by me". We are handed the terrible task of making one of these work, and any person actually, practically concerned with that would choose to try to make the Harris version work then spend precious resources fighting the overwhelming tide of the Trump version.
Only someone who does not actually care about these issues is okay with letting Trump in.
Unless you are capable only of black-and-white thinking, unless you can write off the lives in the difference and convince yourself this is ethical, you can see that letting Trump in only lets more lives be lost, and does not reduce anyone's suffering. No trolley "problem". No trade-off.
Voting Harris is not moral alignment. It's not unconditional support. It is maybe the most conditional action you can take: there are only two real outcomes. One not only has more people, as in a trolley problem, but also results in the death and suffering that would result otherwise.
~~~~~
So there it is, spelled out in the most painstaking detail I'm willing to give to a tumblr post: a few of the failure modes of reasoning that lead to not voting. Often simplicity is too simple, a meaningful departure from reality, but in this case the opposite is true: the simple argument
There are two possible outcomes: one of them eases no one's suffering and creates a great deal more. Therefore choose the other, instead of allowing the worse one to come to pass.
—stands up ethically in this case to every sublimation of righteous anger into misguided action.
And I am not using "righteous" sarcastically: it is right to denounce the Biden/Harris admin on Gaza, it is right to denounce the dems on not doing enough for climate change, etc. But that is not the question being asked by your vote. Do not give the right answer to the wrong question.
The question is only: Harris or Trump? Which outcome should happen, now, in the real world, when it's one of exactly two, when "neither" really, truly isn't an option?
If you do not vote, what will your answer be to the people on the lower track? I am sorry; I dreamt nobly, of no track, no lashings at all. No, I was not kept from the lever. It did not even compromise my dream to push it. Still, I just couldn't bear to touch it; still, you had to die, to save me this discomfort.
acting ethically does not always feel righteous. it is not always a release valve for righteous anger. it does not always feel like progress; sometimes it is only the prevention of catastrophe. it is still ethical. it is still necessary. vote Harris. vote to save the people you can.
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ensn61080 · 3 days ago
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"We've been over this before," Stormchaser sighs.
"And yet, it doesn't bring me any closer to understanding." Tiger crosses his arms. "You, time and time again, are free and available and powerful enough to help stop Leone and Jack-o and the Doctor, but you don't. You avoid them like the plague. That's not what heroes are supposed to do!"
"Says you, Tiger. You and the rest of them are free to pick your battles and nurse your wounds, but there is, in fact, more to hero-ing than trading punches." She turns to leave, but Tiger grabs her arm.
"Stormchaser, please," he breathes, not wanting to keep her longer than necessary, but answers of this caliber are necessary. "You say that every time like it's some universal truth, but it never brings me any closer to getting it. Even when Jack-o forced that artificial earthquake, you finished your job and then disappeared. Didn't even stay to help defeat them." Tiger lets go of her arm with a heavy sigh. His eyes trace the ground, as if reading it for some unseen answer. "Why do you leave them alone? In the event our paths cross, you just—get in, get out. You could be so much more than that."
Stormchaser fixes her cuff, glazed eyes peering at it in thought. "Tiger... If I waste my time chasing villains instead of storms, the people inherently lose their crutch. My powers, while, yes, incredibly useful in a fight, NEED to be used in the way I do because not every battle has two conscious sides. You do incredible work, Tiger, and I envy you. But I can't get mixed up in that sort of thing. You and the others mess up easily repaired buildings like it's Tuesday, but the devastation I see if my weather powers aren't put to use... cannot be repaired."
Tiger's eyes had long since widened with a realization. So many things had gone unsaid every time the topic was brought up, due to one or more party's availability—but now that the cards were laid out in front of him? Things made so much more sense. Stormchaser's power ranked high above even Tiger's, but it frustrated him how she never used that for "good."
"...You are helping. We just don't see it."
"Yes. I am."
"That's.. actually really noble, of you."
"Sometimes pain is unseen," Stormchaser brushes her bangs out of her eyes.
"...Can I come along with you? On a mission, sometime?" Tiger tilts his head, hands fiddling with themselves in a newfound desire to explore this new aspect of heroing. Stormchaser's brow furrows for a second before her hand clutches her chin as she looks him up and down.
"You know what? I could use some crowd control. Sure. I'd love to have you, Tiger."
Stormchaser's comm beeps, and she gestures for Tiger to come with.
"Follow my lead."
You're a superhero who specializes exclusively in stopping disasters. The other heroes just don't understand why you need to remain neutral to the villains…
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hyperobsessedd · 3 days ago
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Joost Klein SFW Alphabet
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a/n: can we just admire how good joost looks in the pictures above
cw: light cussing, some sexual implications (nothing happens), mentions of death, mentions of drugs and alcohol
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A=Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
It’s fairly obvious that the man is very touchy and energetic with everyone, even more so with his partner (you) tbh.
He would always try to touch you in some sense wether that be holding your hand while walking, keeping his arm around your waist while hanging out with your mutual friends, or just resting his head on your shoulder whenever he feels tired.
When you guys are at home he would probably sneak up behind you whenever he saw you doing stuff around the house. Once he snuck up behind you while you were seasoning some vegetables with cayenne pepper, safe to say that the broccoli tasted like satan’s dandruff.
Joost seems like he would be a D1 clinger; always wanting to be around you and following you around everywhere. Luckily he isn’t to light a sleeper and does not wake up immediately after you get out of bed so at least you can piss in peace at three am; the same cannot be said during the day time though. You could be taking the shortest shower ever and he would still come into the bathroom just to bother you.
“Baby, why is the sky blue.”
“I don’t fucking know”
“Ok”
Even though he can be annoy just for the sake of bothering you he would love to see you happy; your smile was his favorite thing to see. He would give you endless compliments and praise, he would always do anything that you asked him to, and of course he would always love giving you the tightest hugs ever.
B=Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start)
When you first met joost you never thought that you’d be dating him; you just assumed that he would be another acquaintance you had in the Netherlands. Joost on the other hand knew that he liked you as soon as he saw you.
After that first interaction you exchanged numbers and started talking more and more. He eventually became your best friend. You two were inseparable for the most part; he would always be in your apartment and vice versa. He would always try to make you laugh with his corny jokes and as much as you tried not to you always let out a chuckle or two.
he breathed in and out before he opened his mouth “okay, why is 6 scared of 7” he stared at you with those piercing baby blue eyes
“Why” you already knew the answer but wanted to see where he went with it
“Because 7,8,9” he burst out laughing, you would’ve thought that Jim Carey was doing a live performance in front of joost with the sound of his laughter.
You tried not to laugh but joost’s cackle was to infectious and you just couldn’t help but laugh with him.
“See I am very funny you just don’t like to admit it” he added once his little episode ended
“Your laugh is funnier than your jokes to be honest” you retorted
“Sure buddy”
Overall he would be a great friend who’s always there for you and always supports you. He would always take you to different places and maybe even invite you on tour, well if you had time that is.
And like all best friends do you guys had so many inside jokes that no one other than you two get. Once when you were out together you once saw a guy who stole something getting chased by a man who appeared to be a giant, he yelled “get back here” with a big deep growl. Now whenever you’re all alone one you says get back here and both of you start to giggle; recalling how funny the moment was
C= Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
This man is obsessed with cuddling and hugging you to be honest. The first thing he does after coming home from tour is taking of his shoes (duh) and then getting into bed with you; trying not to wake you up and pulling your body closer to his. You smell so good and he can’t resist just taking a small sniff of you. If you were to wake up he would stroke your hair and shush back to sleep.
He can’t help but hug you every time he sees you wether that be a small side hug or a tight ass bear hug that leaves you breathless. He just loves wrapping his arms around your waist when you’re cooking, cleaning, or brushing your teeth. He would sneak up behind you, wrap his strong arms around you, and whisper sweet nothings into your ear; hoping that in return for his kindness he would get a small peck on the lips and maybe somewhere else too
When cuddling in bed or on the couch he would always have his longs legs wrapped around you, another way that he would keep you from leaving his warm embrace. Even though he’s a mega yapper something about being in your presence calms him; he would be super silent whenever he had you like this. He would also love playing with you hair if you let him (all my curly girls/boys/theys know exactly what I��m talking about) and if you didn’t he would resort to slightly stroking your hands
D= Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Joost never though that he would settle down. He was used to the rockstar lifestyle full of parties, drugs, and alcohol; That was until he met you. He was smitten the second he started talking to you, his loud and cool personality seemed to have floated away to some distant galaxy when he opened his mouth. Overall he was very sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you from the moment he met you.
He would know basic kitchen skills like how to fry and scramble eggs but other than that he was completely clueless. Before he met you his diet was made up of takeout and potato chips. You tried to teach him how to cook but he was not receptive at all; he jumped whenever he heard oil pop and somehow burned the pasta you were trying to prepare so now you’re the one who cooks for the both of you.
Joost would be way better at cleaning than he is at cooking. He can be unorganized at times but he can really pull through whenever you need him to
E= Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
He wouldn’t try to beat around the bush, he’d just tell you directly not trying to play with emotions. Leaving you was probably the hardest decision he had ever made and the face you made after he broke the news didn’t make him feel any better
F= Fiance (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
He knew that he wanted to be in a committed relationship the moment he met you but more dating than marriage. As time passed he fell more in love with you and that’s when he knew he needed to marry you. It would take him a couple years to get comfortable with the idea of marriage and a couple months to actually plan out your engagement.
G= Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
The definition of gentle giant. For the most part he treats you like a little flowers whose petals might come off if roughed up enough but on the other hand he could also be rough; not enough to harm you but still rough. You guys will play fight a lot and that usually ends in one of you landing on their ass and the other hysterically
H= Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it and what is it like?)
The man is obsessed with both giving and receiving hugs. He loves wrapping his arms around you after a long day and just breathing your scent in. It could be 90 degrees outside and he would still want to hug you (he would pout when you pulled him off of your sweaty body).
He just loves feeling close to you and hugging you is like the closest he can get for now.
I= I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
It would take him 3 months max to say I love you. He had invited you over for a movie night; he bought all the sweets, drinks, and chips he knew you liked (because as I said before he only knows how to make eggs) and spread them over his kitchen table; almost like a movie theater. A half hour into the movie and both you were on the verge of sleep; both of you trying to keep your eyes open for the other.
You started to “rest” your eyes and lay your head down on joost’s lap. 5 minutes had passed and you surprisingly hadn’t fallen asleep yet. But just as you were about to pass you felt joost’s warm hands stroking at your head, he silently whispered the words “I love you” into your head. You slowly turned around and whispered “I love you” back to him before finally falling asleep
J= Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they get jealous?)
He isn’t jealous most times. He feels very secure in your relationship and knows that you would never try to hurt him. Even though he knows all of this he can’t but be jealous over petty things sometimes
Like why are you always smiling at everyone?why do other people stare at you do much? how come your cat can see you naked and he can’t?
These are all very important questions that he needs the answers to immediately.
If you guys go on a night out trust he will be keeping you as close as possible and stare in the soul of anyone who even tries to flirt with you.
K= Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
He kisses you nice and slow; trying to savor the moment for as long as possible. He would love kissing you everywhere but his personal favorite would be your plump lips, your neck, and all over your back. He lovesss when you kiss his lips and neck (he’s also obsessed with the idea of you giving him hickeys and is constantly asking you to give him at least one)
L= Little ones (How are they around children?)
His silly and goofy demeanor translates well into taking care of kids. He just loves hanging around kids; their wonder and hopefulness really makes him want to have a kid of his own.
M= Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
He stays up late and wakes up extremely late. No matter how late you wake up he will always wake up at least an later. Once he woke up at four in the afternoon. Even if he does manage to wake up early he would stay in bed and cuddle with you. Don’t even think of trying to escape he grasp because he will pull you closer and wrap his arms around you even tighter. You would have to be actively pissing your pants for him to let you go.
N= Night (How are nights spent with them?)
He would stay up longer than you most nights or simply just come home very late. On the off chance that he doesn’t come him he’ll call you and let you know so that you don’t stay up all night waiting for him. He loves to watch you do your skincare routine; always asking what the product your using is and what it does.
Another thing he loves to do is watch you. Just watching the face you make when your scrolling on your phone is enough to make his heart melt. Not to mention the face you make while your asleep, whenever he gets home late he’ll just stand at the door of your shared bedroom and just look at your calm face.
O= Open (When will they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or do they reveal little things slowly?)
Joost is a very honest person so he would tell you a lot about himself the first few times you hang out.
In regards to deep secrets it would probably take him a bit longer to tell you about them but even then he told you a majority of them by month 3 of your relationship.
P= Patience (How easily are they angered?)
When it comes to you he’s never mad, he’s like a slightly laid back version of himself when he’s around you. He’ll only ever snap if he’s under a lot of stress and you keep pushing him with questions.
But if anyone were ever to disrespect you in front of him they would never hear the end of it, he would call them ever insult he could think them and force them to apologize to you.
Q= Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every detail or forget the minor things?)
That man is absolutely obsessed with you so trust that he will remember almost everything you tell him. He knows your favorite brand of detergent, your favorite artist, he just knows everything about you and what you like. There are some things that he might forget but for the most part he knows everything there is to know about you.
R= Remember (What is their favorite moment of your relationship?)
Everything. His favorite moment is quite literally everything you have done together.
S= Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)
He’s like your own private bodyguard. He is very protective over you and hates whenever someone else tries to talk to you while y’all are in the middle of a conversation. He finds himself hovering behind you at different events just so that no one else has the opportunity to try and sway you away (he knows that you’d never leave him but still they should fuck off).
T= Try (How much effort do they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Baby boy is always trying his best whenever he does something for you. He’ll listen more intently once it gets closer to different events/holidays like Christmas, your birthday, and your guys’ anniversary.
He really does try to make life easier for you but when it comes to cooking and storing dishes he’s completely useless.
U= Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
Whenever gets hyper obsessed (me reference) /focused on different projects he’ll just shut everyone else out and do whatever he needs to do with no break. He’ll also lash out at people who try to talk to him about something other than the project at hands whenever something like this happens. A complete 180 but he would also be a compulsive nail bitter, it’s just something he does whenever he’s bored. You’ve tried to get him to stop but nothing works.
V= Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Joost Klein is a fashion icon, do you think that he wouldn’t be obsessed with the way he looks. He loves shopping (specifically thrift stores) and he loves whenever you pick out something for him, even if he doesn’t like the piece it’s still nice that you thought about him.
He loves whenever you do his hair and makeup. Even if your doing a lit comb of his hair or putting a bit of concealer under his eyes he just loves that you care about him enough to do all of that.
He calls you every day when he’s on tour always wanting your opinion on his outfit and hair and just your opinion about his in general (he really cares about what you think if you haven’t noticed).
W= Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
He hates being away from you in general. He misses you when your at work and he’s at home, he misses you when you’re picking up dinner and he’s in your shared apartment; counting down the minutes until your home, and he especially hates when you’re using the restroom and he’s just laying in bed.
So just imagine how he would feel if you ever broke up or if god forbid you ever died. He would never be the same again in either cases. Spending the rest of his life sulking over you.
X= Xtra (A random headcanon for them)
This man is a eater (in both of the ways your thinking hunny). It’s like the acid in his stomach is extra strong and just dissolves everything he consumed immediately with the amount he eats. You could prepare a feast fit for a small village and he would eat the whole thing and ask for dessert. Speaking of dessert whenever you make like a pie you secretly make another one for yourself because you already know the first one is going to be done by tomorrow.
Y= Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)
Can’t stand people who speak down to others and people who are rude in general. He also hates certain vegetables when they’re mushy like peas and mushrooms.
Z= Zzz (What are some sleeping habits of theirs?)
He’s a semi deep sleeper but he has a very strong grip when he’s asleep so good like trying to go use the restroom late at night. He snores softly while asleep, it’s not like those obnoxious snores you hear in the movies but almost like a soft snort. He moves around a lot in his sleep and takes you with him, sometimes you wake up on the other side of the bed opposite the headboard.
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I lowkey wanna do a nsfw version but I don’t really know, lemme know what you think
Notes, reblogs, and comments are greatly appreciated and ty for reading
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fxtalitygod · 2 days ago
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EPILOGUE. ~Survival~
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Genre: Historical AU, angst, mature, suggestive, arranged-marriage
Warnings: Dark themes, gore, graphic imagery, theme/depictions of horror, body horror, swearing/language, suggestive, pregnancy mentions, mentions and acts of suicide, arguments, mentions of adult murder, Pet name (Little Flower 1-2x) implied Stockholm Syndrome, grief imagery, images/depictions of dead bodies, murder, character death(s), slight misogynistic themes (if you squint), implied incest mentions
Word Count: 5.9k
A/N: Today marks the day I finish this series. Guys, I cannot believe it took me two years to finish this damned series. Do not get me wrong, I loved writing it, but boy, it was a major pain in my ass. As corny as it sounds, thank you all for sticking with me throughout this series. When I originally posted the first chapter, I did not expect ANY attention whatsoever; it was just a self-indulgent thing I wanted to write because I wanted a better representation of (Y/n) where, yeah, she may not be the strongest. However, she still knows how to make do with what she has and make that her strength. I also wanted to give a more realistic relationship with the pairing. As much as I love Sukuna's character, I did not believe him to be a character capable of "true love" but a character that values others but not in the way you might think. I'm talking literal value, currency value, and benefit value. I wanted a more realistic take on the story because I did not know how many more historical "Kuna," "Suku," or "Kunie" stories I could take. No hate for those who write it or those who enjoy it; it just isn't my personal cup of tea. I like true crime and dark stories (I have this serial killer project that I'm stoked about because I know I will get my group an A+), so I tend to enjoy those darker sides, which I believe is why I like Sukuna's character so much, he just feeds into that side of me. There are some of the fantasies I enjoy where Sukuna is non-canon, such as AUs and all that, but when it comes to JJK's storyline or his historical AUs, I tend to fall short of enjoyment of that type of fantasy.
Anywho, thank you all for sticking around and enjoy the epilogue. I hope it was worth the wait. I may or may not have written three times because my perfectionism kicked in every time I proofread it, and I found something I did not like and scraped half the chapter. I bet I'll find a little thing here and there when I post this. Still, it won't be anything noticeable, something along the lines of my tags and probably my TW, though Im usually very on point with those kinds of things. Still, it always seems that AFTER I make the post, I really start to notice things even after proofreading it 50x.
P.S. I plan to do a behind-the-scenes post on all my original ideas. I have worked on this little project for two years, so you bet I had alternatives. Feel free to send me asks or messages asking me about things you are curious about, and I will gladly answer.
JJK Mlist•Taglist Rules• • Pt.I • Pt. II • Pt. III • Pt. IV • Pt. V • Pt. VI • Pt.VII • Pt. VIII • Pt. IX • Pt. X • Epilogue
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The market was bustling at this time of day. Workers were heading home from a hard day of work, rushing through the roads as they grabbed ingredients and materials for their households to prepare their meals and homes; everything was so normal...and if she were being honest, it felt strange. The confined life of the temple had practically become a comfort, so when presented with a slice of normalcy, it was foreign and, if she were being honest, alarming as well.
Having so much freedom was intimidating and overwhelming– the fear of having something good and it being taken away was a looming thought that brought many anxieties.
Years have passed since that fated day, Sukuna Ryomen's downfall. Since the fire and the slaughter that had immersed, Sukuna's actions had remained silent. There were whispers of sightings and rumors that the curse user had met his demise, but she knew better. Sukuna Ryomen was unkillable, and if anybody had truly caught a glance of him, they would be dead before they could live and tell the tale.
"Mama."
The world seemed to stop as the word processed through her head. Blood ran cold, and breaths of air seemed to come in at a faster rate. The woman turned to the little girl holding her hand, causing her heart to shatter.
"Darling, I told you not to refer to me as your mother, remember?"
The question remained as a statement rather than an inquiry as if refamiliarizing the child with a rule she had been reacquainted with on multiple occasions.
"I-I know that, but why can I not? You care for me like a mother, so why can I not call you my mother?'
"We have discussed this before, child," the woman sighed, "I believe it unfair to be taking the title of your actual mother."
"Well, if my real mother had not given me away, it would not be like this..."
Pausing mid-step, the caretaker held her breath, controlling the emotions and memories that flashed through her mind. The girl's sentence rang through her head, eliciting a feeling she was not commonly met with... aggravation. With no hesitance, the woman's minimal steps turned into longer strides, her grip even firmer on the young girl's hand. Getting to their place of lodging was more vital than anything, as she wanted to avoid discussing such sensitive matters in a public setting. Prying ears were close enough in such a crowded setting.
Upon reaching the home, the stand-in mother pulled the child inside before shutting the door. She swiftly bent down to the young one's level and took the child's shoulders into her hands. The little girl was shocked by the woman's reaction, staying silent and still as if afraid of what was to come next.
"Child, I will not hear you speak such false claims of your mother. You do not know the sacrifices she made to get you here."
The girl's expression of fear shifted from dread to shame. Her face was red from embarrassment after she was caught for her prior statement. However, as children do, she made it her goal to justify herself.
"What is the point of her sacrifice if she left me. Did she not want to be around me?"
"She did not leave you; if she were still in this world, trust me, she would be right here with you!"
The caregiver's words came out with little thought; all she knew was that she would not tolerate the little girl's false assumptions. However, now that the words spilled out of her mouth, she began to regret them. Seeing the tears well up in the girl's eyes made her wish she had phrased it differently.
"What do you mean?"
The caretaker cursed under her breath before inhaling through her nose, exhaling softly before speaking.
"You deserve the truth, my dear, and the truth is that your mother sacrificed her life to ensure you had a good one. She loved you so much that she valued your life more than hers. You might not understand this now, but that is a mother's love." The woman's breath stuttered, "She loved you more than you could ever know. I will not claim the title as your mother for that reason."
The girl was overwhelmed with emotion, only knowing how to express it through tears. The woman could not bear it and brought the girl close to her chest, embracing her to give any form of comfort that might help– it broke her heart to hear the child's quiet sobs.
After calming down, the kid spoke, though with some light chokes.
"W-what s-should I call you then?"
The warden took a sigh as she thought over her charges question. In all honesty, she had no idea what to say. What answer could she even give her? She could not allow her real name to float between the child's tongue as it would expose her identity. What name could she let the child speak?
"Hmm," the woman loosened her embrace, looking the little girl in the eye with a soft smile, "What do you think you should call me?"
The girl tilted her head, wanting more elaboration.
The lady chuckled softly, "What do you think my name should be, child?"
The caregiver had expected the girl to take some time to come up with an answer; however, the kid took no hesitation when she blurted out...
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"Makato-san!"
Silenced engulfed the home as her caregiver failed to respond.
"Makato-san, I'm going to the market. Do you need anything?"
Another prolonged stillness as the young lady waited for a response.
The girl scrunched her brows in concern, extending her neck to look further into the room as if the individual she was looking for would appear. With the growing silence, the young adult searched the home for her guardian.
"Makato-san?"
She searched and examined the silent home with slight panic before finally stumbling upon the older woman, staring blankly at the floor she was kneeling on– unresponsive as she continued to stare.
With caution, Y/n's daughter reached her hand out to her caregiver's, placing it on the woman's shoulder. The response she got was one she had not expected.
The Makato turned suddenly, grabbing onto the young woman's wrist with an ungodly strength that even the girl was unaware of. This caused the girl to wince in pain as she tried to pull her arm away. Her arm was turning a light purple from the lack of circulation, proving the grip's vice.
Despite her fear, the charge could only feel concerned as her caregiver made eye contact, tears welling up in her eyes. It stayed like that for a couple more seconds before she snapped back into reality, gasping as she was presented with the image of her actions, quickly letting go of the young lady's arm.
"I'm so sorry, my Dear. I did not mean to...I was just..." The woman paused, swallowing her following words; however, her stutter did not disappear: "D-D-Did you need something, m-my, Dear?"
"I was preparing to leave and was going to ask if you needed anything from that market," the girl paused, choosing her next words carefully. Makato-san, you've been acting strange as of late. Is everything alright?"
The young woman was old enough to recognize the hesitance in her caretaker's features and the short lack of response.
"Whatever do you mean, Darling?"
"Please do not take me a fool," the youthful female voiced before sighing and looking at Makato in pity, "I'm worried for you, Makato-san. Ever since the refugees from the other village came, you have been behaving irregularly."
The refugees.
To say that their arrival was a shock was an understatement. At first, Makato thought nothing of it until the newcomers began to tell their stories. Their village was burned in a monstrous fire by a "crazed" sorcerer, and their home was now unsustainable to live in as it was left entirely in shambles. Despite this information, Makato thought little of it as there had been few stories of criminal sorcerers destroying homes, most being "inspired" by Sukuna's actions after his sudden hiatus. It was not until an elderly woman, who she happened to hear at random, described the appearance of the sorcerer.
"He was monstrous, the vile thing; he had four arms and two faces if you do not count that horrid mouth on his stomach. I watched both of them grin as it chewed on the remains of my eldest son." the elder choked and sobbed as the memory came back to taunt her.
Makato's heart dropped to her stomach. Rushing home in search of her charge, she found the girl working on her studies. Seeing the child she worked so hard to raise brought relief, but it was not long before the memories and visions began to haunt her. Sometimes, she would see you standing there, looking down at her, motionless and silent, with a pained, pitful look.
She hated it.
When you looked at her that way, she felt weak and vulnerable—as if she were failing. She was not as cool and calculating as you were, nor as confident or intimidating. Had you been here, you would have more than likely been able to disappear from society and find a nice, quiet life for yourself and your daughter. But you were not here; that was the problem– you were just a figment of her imagination.
Even then, she wanted you to stop looking at her that way.
Sometimes, she was left in her privacy and saw your vision appear to accompany her. It would drive her mad as she tried to convince you, even herself, that she was doing enough. She would speak into the silence of the room and get no response.
"What else could you want with me? I am doing everything I can!"
Silence.
"I am happy. She is happy. We are happy. Is that not enough for you?"
Silence.
"He thinks she is dead– he thinks I am dead! There is no possible way that..."
Silence.
"Please, stop looking at me that way. I am capable of doing this...please have faith in me."
"Makato-san?"
Pulling herself from her thoughts, Makato tracked what the girl had said earlier, not wanting to worry about her charge further.
"I apologize for my irregular behavior, my Dear. I can assure you that I am alright. I have had a lot of stress these days regarding the refugees. I want to do my part to assist them, but I have been running myself ragged and am just...tired."
The girl hesitated, not wanting to accept her caretaker's excuse, but she knew pushing the subject would not do her any good, so she nodded in understanding. The worst part is that Makato knew your daughter was aware of her white lie, but she would not admit it for some slim hope that the girl honestly did not know. Sometimes, she wished your daughter had not inherited your intelligence and perception.
"Do you need anything from the market, Makato-san? I plan on leaving soon to aid the refugees."
"No, I believe we have enough supplied for quite a while. All that I ask of you is to be safe, Darling."
Your daughter agreed, letting a soft smile slip onto her face before hugging Makato. The woman accepted the embrace before experiencing a wave of realization. Intelligence and perception were not the only things she inherited from you; she happened to be a real beauty as well.
"My Dear, if you plan on seeing that boy of yours, speak your peace now and know that I only want you to be safe and happy."
The girl struggled to find words before lowering her head in embarrassment, her face bright red with fluster.
"You are of age now, and I want you to know the responsibilities that rest on your shoulders."
"Makato-san, I never meant to keep it a secret. I just...I was afraid of your disapproval."
The more experienced woman could understand where she was coming from. Long ago, she was in the girl's position. However, she was never allowed to pursue her love due to the circumstances of her arrangement, but that does not mean she did not try. Despite her efforts to keep her relationship together, it was all for not in the end. She was given away as a sacrificial lamb to a monster.
Your daughter had a chance of love, and the caregiver would not squander it for her. She wanted your daughter to have a chance at a relationship she never had. Maybe it was questionable on her part due to the circumstances of her mission, but she did not entirely care. She just wanted your daughter to have a normal life.
She knew that was what you had wanted for your child.
"I do not disapprove, Darling. I just want you to be happy and to be careful."
"I promise that I will Makato-san."
There was a pause of awkward silence before the young woman embraced Makato once more.
"Thank you, I'll be back soon."
Makato smiled as she watched her ward leave the home. She had no problem admitting she was happy for the girl, but something deep within her told her it was a bad idea. It was hard for her to come to terms with, but she had an itching feeling that did not settle with her.
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The world was perfect at the moment. Your daughter had put smiles on faces from her charity and was now being rewarded with a proposal for her marriage. She hugged her lover, showing her love and adoration in any way appropriate for their stage in relationship. If you were here, you would be beaming with joy, giving consent to the marriage with no hesitation because this is all you could ever want for your girl, and it would have been all you wanted for your twins.
You never had a chance of love and a happy life; seeing your children be able to pursue their lives to the fullest, especially in romantics, would have been considered a blessing to you.
"This is the happiest day of my life, honestly, but have you received my guardian's blessing?"
The young man chuckled, caressing her cheek reassuringly, "I plan on coming over for dinner tonight to ask for your hand properly if you will have me."
The girl could only agree eagerly through her expressions, unable to speak in fear of shouting instead of politely inviting him. Hugging him one last time before parting to rush home and prepare their meal; however, a chill went up her spine the moment she left; everything felt cold, and she could not explain why. Maybe it was the lack of his embrace, but she had never felt that way. There was only one good reason she could name.
Her nerves were getting the best of her...
"What if Makato-san declines."
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The young woman's moods changed throughout the day as she prepared for the most significant evening of her life. One moment, she had the goofiest, filled with overwhelming joy, but there were other times when she would find herself chewing her nails from anxiety, and right now, she was having one of those times.
"Dear, stop that. This behavior is far from healthy. What has you behaving this way?"
"Nothing, everything is fine. I suppose I'm just hoping dinner will turn out acceptable tonight."
"Dear, please do not insult my intelligence with these excuses. What is going on that you are not telling me?"
"Well, I—" there was a pause. How was the ward supposed to say anything without giving anything away?
"You what? Spit it out, child, you are worrying me."
"I cannot say. I am sorry. But do not worry, please; something good is about to happen. Please trust me on this."
Makato chewed the inside of her cheek. She did trust her ward, but she had this gut feeling, this sickening feeling that she could not name. Maybe it was just her nerves getting the best of her, so she pushed it aside. She trusted your daughter, the only trustworthy person that Makato knew.
"Alright... is there anything you need help with?
The younger one smiled sweetly, taking her caretaker's hands in her own.
"No, I have it handled. You have been so stressed the past few days that you should just relax. Tonight, all your worries will be washed away." With that, she parted to continue her work for the big news. She was all but too excited.
She was also naive.
She was a sweet little girl, but she was naive. To think all of Makato's worries and problems would go away by simply relaxing, through sweet and simple gestures, was an innocent way to think. It was how Makato raised that girl because she wanted that sweet little girl to have that luxury. There were times she wondered if she had made the right choice, but then she would remember what pain looked like and what too much experience could do to a person.
No, she made the right decision. This is what you would have wanted.
Right?
Yes.
Makato went, and she sat as the young woman finished her final preparations for the meal. The girl looked more stressed than ever, rushing at the final threshold, but it seemed that preparations were finished and she was filling time. She found little things to do that held no significance. She was in her head, making Makato question if everything was truly fine.
Then, the footsteps could be heard. He was here, and everything was going to change. Life was going to change, and it was between her and that door. The biggest day of her life was only a dinner conversation away. So she opened the door and was presented with an image she thought she would never see or experience.
"We must leave. The village is under attack, and we do not have much time."
The smell of smoke was strong, and embers could be seen from a not-to0-far distance. The world came crashing down, and she could not say a thing. She could only stand there with an oblivious smile.
"What?"
Fear, confusion, anger, any negative emotion she could feel, she was feeling. This was not how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to get a blessing and marry the man of her dreams. Why now? Why this? This could not be real, there was no way.
If the world had crashed down for your daughter, the heavens collided into the earth, dissipating everything in its path in Makato's eyes. The older woman stood, no thoughts running in her head as she strided to the boy, grabbing him by his garments
"You tell me now, and you tell me true, boy! What did you see?!"
Her sudden actions left him too stunned to speak, but after some shaking and calling for his attention, he found himself capable of a response.
"Makato-san, what is happening?" It was like everything hit her at once, but she was still trying to understand why it was happening today– why it was happening now at the most crucial moment of her life.
"I do not know what it was, but it was a man of stature. He was disfigured; he had two faces and four arms. He came without warning, started flames, and began a massacre. His face was cold, as if he felt absolutely nothing."
There was no doubt in her mind that it was him, no doubt her former husband as reigning terror; however, based on the emotionless state of his ambush, bloodshed was beginning to lose its flavor. It was comical, but as much as it had some humor, this was no joke. This was all too real.
Makato grabbed your daughter's shoulder, pulling her out of her shock. Tears were in her eyes, looking at her caretaker pitifully.
"Makato-san, what is happening?"
She was naive, and being naive was safe, but being naive was also unrealistic. Makato gave the girl a sheltered life, eliminating the possibility of danger to the girl. That was no way to live.
"Your father, that is what is happening."
"What?"
And the shock returned. Makato made an effort to avoid mentioning Sukuna in conversation, only mentioning you in light memory. As far as your daughter was concerned, her father did not exist...until now.
"That so-called man is your father, Ryomen Sukuna. That is the man who drove your mother to eventually kill herself," A pause, licking her lip as she readied herself to elaborate, "Your mother sacrificed herself to protect you from him. He drained the life from her and left her no choice but to die, but she gave it purpose. She died to give you a life, a life away from him."
"I-" Your daughter was at a loss for words. Everything was hitting her too fast.
"I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping it from you. I wanted you to have an everyday life, but I should have noticed sooner or later that the truth would reveal itself and that he would present himself one day."
There was nothing to say, only to exchange expressions of fear and dismay.
"W-Well, what do we do now?"
"We run."
Taking the two charges, Makato grabbed whatever necessities they needed to start a new life. She had been planning this since the day she ran from the temple. She would admit that now, with a third party, it would be more complicated than she had intended, but they would make do.
They exited the home frantic. The smell of smoke became more potent, and the embers were closer than before. The flames became more evident as they spread. Any entrance to the main road would have been a route to death, but Makato had never planned to use that path. There was a back trail through the woods, one she had discovered when your little girl was merely five years of age.
They ran towards the thicket, avoiding as many obstacles as possible. Things were looking smooth, with hardly any disruptions. It was almost serene, but that was the issue. To have such tranquility was a nauseating notion for mayhem being at their backs.
It was too quiet to be safe.
And that is when she knew to push the girl and her lover aside, veiling their presence with her technique before everything went black.
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Ringing...
Ringing...
And more ringing...
The lights were brighter, and the smoke and ash came straight from the source. She woke up coughing and gasping for air. For a moment, she thought she had been dreaming, immersed in a life that was not hers. Maybe she was waking up, back to her village, back to her parents, back to the life before she got caught in that awful nightmare.
"I am surprised that it was you, of all the women she let live." Sukuna started, looking down at what he believed to be the scum of the earth.
No, it was all too real. His voice registered through her head instantly despite not hearing it in years– at least in person. She had repeated memories, but sometimes she wondered if she had deformed his voice from years of not hearing him speak down on her. Turns out she remembered it accurately. It still managed to send chills down her spine and make her wish to be six feet under the ground.
"I was probably too forgettable for her to ever really care about whether I lived or died." Makato spat.
"That is reasonable enough, but that would not serve her memory well and rather insult her intelligence. I will say that, if anything, my Little Flower was too clever to let such technicality slip from her. She probably pitied you and your fruitless womb, so she gifted you with a child for you to care for in her absence. And knowing your broken state, she probably knew you would be eager at the opportunity."
Makato scowled, turning her gaze to the ground. How dare he speak of you in such a way. He said that as if you were on his level, as devious and conniving as he was, and claimed your actions were selfish when they were the opposite. You did this for her daughter, not for yourself. If you had it your way, you would be there.
"How old is she now?"
She refused to answer, turning her gaze back to the dirt. She did not want to give him the satisfaction of belittling her more than he already had. It was humiliating, but she still had some dignity and a promise she wished to uphold.
"What does it matter? She is dead. (Y/n) told you herself that she was gone."
A sharp pain was felt at the back of her head as he pulled her hair to force the woman to look up at him.
"Do not picture me a fool! For a woman whose last words claimed her daughter was gone, she left me the most humorous smile. I know that age of the girl, but I would rather hear from you, bitch, how long you have been holding her captive."
No response.
"Answer me!" Sukuna snarled, pulling at her scalp once more.
"Nineteen years of age," Makato smiled. Why? Do you wish to act as a father now? Well, you are too LATE! While you were out throwing tantrums, I raised her child, which you would not know how to do without being given exact handwritten instructions."
"On the contrary, you let her potential slip, and now she is nothing but another womb to breed. Unfortunate, due to the heritage of her mother and myself. However, a womb is still useful regardless."
Out of anything Sukuna had done, out of anything he had said to threaten her, that was the most horrifying.
"You are a disgusting bastard."
"Do not speak as if you can fill her shoes as if you have her confidence. You would not be in this position if you were half the woman she was."
"You are right; if I were half the woman she was, I could have easily manipulated you and have you play the role of the arrogant man with an ego so big, he does not notice the knife pointing at his back," A pause as she licked her lips, swallowing to try and quench her dry throat, "Everything that woman did was out of fear, much like everyone else; however, she knew how to tick your interest and she used that to her advantage. Honestly, I am ashamed. I only noticed it when she told me about her plan."
A twitch in his eye, he was irritated. It was known through body language and the knowledge of his nature that he wanted to tear Makato apart, limb from limb, until her body was unrecognizable.
"What? Afraid to face the truth of her decision. She could have run away with ease; she could have killed you, but both of those options would have been considered a mercy for you. She took away the one thing that you valued: herself. That must eat at you a lot."
With a swift motion, he scooped the former wife from her neck, squeezing her throat as he raised her to face him eye-to-eye.
"You are a worthless bitch who cannot even reproduce, summing you up to nothing. What is your worth?"
Nothing but the struggling breaths of the woman attempting to pry herself from this monster's grip.
"Exactly, you are worth nothing."
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Darkness, wherever they were, was dark. The girl and her lover were still in the woods, alive as well as they could manage. She could only remember running into this place before being shoved into the dark area. She felt the ground around her and reached her arms out into the pitch black as she tried to navigate this strange place. It scared her.
"Makato-san? Where are you?"
No response, only silence.
It was dark and frightening, and she did not know what to do. What could she do? She could cry, so she did; she cried as she tried to find her way back. This had to be some kind of night terror. She would wake up, and she would be at that doorway, welcoming her lover into their home, eating their meal, and then sharing the news. Her lover would get her caretaker's blessing, get married, and live happily ever after, right?
Dreadfully wrong.
Instead, a hand reached out and pulled her out of the darkness. The world was still unlit, but moonlight and the flames dancing in the distance could be seen nearby; however, she was not a part of the conflict.
She was about to scream, cry for help, anything to get attention drawn to her location, but was stopped by a large palm to the mouth.
"Shhh, my love. It is only me. It will be alright."
For the first time that night, she felt genuine relief. Turning her head to see her man, she looked down at her disheveled features. She weakly smiled, moving herself to embrace him. It all lasted for a few seconds until she realized the missing member of their little group.
"Where is Makato-san?" she whispered.
The man looked down, not daring to respond. She attempted to make eye contact, but he would only look away.
"Where is she?" she insistently asked, but louder.
" I do not know; a couple curse users emerged from the woods. Makato shoved us into the ditch, and when I came out, she was gone."
"Well...Well, we must go look for her."
A grasp to the wrist effectively stopped the girl.
"No, I cannot risk losing you, and I know Makato-san would agree. She would not want you going out to risk your life to save her."
How could he say that? How dare he say that! What right did he have in this decision?
"Then you do not know her." she scowled, trying to withdraw from his hold, but his hand did not budge.
"Then why would she tell you everything had she not already predicted the possibility that she might die."
"Because... because...she needed me to know because if we were going to run away, I would need to put in my own weight by knowing our threat...yes, that was it! Now let me go!" She tried to reason, but not to him—herself.
Denial.
"It was a confession! As if she were lying on her deathbed, she confessed everything to you. She wants you to move on, knowing there are dangers like your father. She wants you to kno-"
"Well, she may not be dead yet, so we have to try!"
With whatever strength she had deep down, she broke free from his grasp, sprinting towards the village and the flame. She could hear him following her, but in her mind, she wanted to believe he was doing it because he could see her reason. He would help; she was sure of it.
She was almost there, and she swore she could see the silhouette of her caretaker, but then she found herself on the ground. It was only for a second before being lifted into the air, a hand covering her mouth as she got further from her destination.
Kicking, muffled screams, and the distant cackling of flames could be heard. She bit her partner’s hand in an attempt that he would let her go from the sudden pain, but he was resistant. He merely grunted and winced while continuing his journey back. But then there was a halt.
There she was, Makato, thrown onto the ground. She could see her in the distance. The woman looked weak but very much alive, and she was right there. The daughter kicked, shoved, jabbed, and bit even more, trying to get loose. However, her lover would not budge because although he could see Makato, he could also see the shadow hovering over the woman, the shadow your daughter was refusing to look at.
Then the shadow disappeared, and the dreadful monster emerged, Sukuna Ryomen, hovering over Makato with disdain. Watching as she tried to crawl away but failed miserably. She was fighting, doing her best, but her fate was inevitable.
Death was the only option, and death is what she got.
Ryomen Sukuna caved into his impulses, ripping her limb from limb until she was unrecognizable. The daughter watched, horrified, as the woman who raised her was mutilated to nothing but a pulp. What sort of sick joke was this? She remained silent as she tried to think of who would pull such a childish trick, watching as the image got smaller until nothing was left. Eventually, it was just a tiny yellow dot in the distance and nothing more; all she could do was look at it.
"Promise me you will live."
Breath in
Breathe out
Breath in
Breathe out
Breath in
Breathe out
Breath in
Breathe out
Breath in
Breathe out
Breath in
Breathe out
Breath in
Breathe o-
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"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
The scream echoed through the dark room, and you tried to comprehend where you were. The walls were closing in, and the air was too thick to breathe. It felt like like suffocation.
What was this?
Why now?
Where is this?
Why is this?
How is-
"Y/n!"
You snapped back into reality, frantically looking at your surroundings to notice you were in your bedroom.
"Y/n, what happened? Are you okay?"
The silence was tense as you sat there, trying to remember your nightmare. You thought long and hard, but in the end, you had nothing.
"I...I don't know."
You heard a sigh, a hand rubbing your back, and another reaching for your cheek, wiping the stray tears you were unaware of.
"Do you want me to stay with you tonight, again?"
Some of you wanted to say no, but the opposing side longed for it. You stared at the clock on the wall before you, reading the time. It was a little past midnight, and you had hardly gotten any rest. You had a big day tomorrow, and rest was crucial to get through your day. God knows the things you would do if you did not properly sleep.
Turning to your twin brother, you weakly nodded, "Okay."
He did not hesitate to tuck you under his arm as if in an attempt to protect you from any harm to come your way, to shield you from the nightmares. However, despite his presence, it was like a part of the dream appeared that you remembered but didn't at the same time.
"Do you think I'll be a good mother?"
"Why are you asking me that?"
"Please just answer me...for my sanity."
Your brother sighed, resting his cheek on your head as he rubbed your shoulder to comfort you.
"Y/n, I have no doubt you will make a great mother. Come on, let's go back to sleep. I'll stay here, and everything will be better in the morning."
"Promise me it will be better in the morning."
"What?"
"You don't have to hold up to it. I just...I just want to hear you say it."
"I promise it will be better in the morning."
"Okay..."
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New series?? Sequel???Maybe, but first, a little break ☆~ (˃̵ڡ‘˶ )
Taglist (Thank you all so much for being a part of this series):
@littlemochi @mistalli @youngbeansprout @bbylime @bangtan-forever1479 @idktbhloley @izayas-rings @o3o-aya @pyschopotatomeme @persephonehemingway @otomaniac @meforpr3sident
@fourcefulcupid @nezuscribe @my-simp-land @zukuphilia @niya729 @spiritofstatic @bbittersw33t @kashasenpai @decaysan @honeybaegle @ygslvr @outrofenty @esposadomd @ali2426 @anmath @yazzzmints @lovingnahida @sincerest-one @rosemaydone321 @j0dios @k-ki3rd @maki-zenin1944 @shadowywizardarcade @ae-mius @xiangping-28 @loaves4me @aloraaaxcrystalzx @chariotwaves 
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thebookworm0001 · 2 days ago
Text
Spoilers for the end of veilguard and specifically how solas’s story is handled under the cut
And seriously I do mean the very end of the game and I’m gonna talk about stuff that happened before then too
You have been warned
I felt satisfied with the ending.
I was able to collect all the solas memories/regret murals and very much felt like the way the ending unlocked by that was handled well.
Solas has always been a man bound by his regrets. And this game spent a lot of time establishing is primary regret is Mythal. Yes, he cares deeply about helping people and wants that world restored, but it’s less to do with the elven people and more to do with him feeling like he’s made mistake after mistake.
He’s been living in a sunk-cost fallacy for millennia and cannot see a way out. He really, really doesn’t want to do this - he knows how many people he’ll hurt to do it, but can’t see another way because if he stops now he feels like it’ll be just another betrayal of mythal when he’s already betrayed and failed her so many times. She’s the reason any of this happened.
That’s why it has to be mythal telling him to stop. He wanted to stop for a romanced lavellan - his letter says that explicitly. But he regrets mythal’s death (and his resulting actions) so much he just. Can’t let it go. What does his life mean if he can’t fulfill the wishes of the goddess that called him to service, to a body? The friend he murdered, in the end, to make up for the first time she as killed.
He was a spirit of wisdom mythal corrupted - it’s another version of Cole and the Templar who killed the human Cole. That confrontation has to happen for him to move in any direction.
And the way he absolutely crumples when he sees her? Damn if that didn’t sell me on how deeply he cares for her, beyond the murals that show how ashamed he is of what he did with and for her.
He’s always needed someone to tell him there was another way, but nobody besides mythal could absolve him of the actions he took, because they aren’t her. It’s not a matter of the nature of their relationship, rather that he cannot untie himself from the way his spirit was warped by her and the actions he took in response to her.
Idk I know people will have very different feelings and opinions on how that went down, but it made sense to me.
And my solas-romanced lavellan acted exactly how I expected her to. Granted, Ellana is the kind of lavellan who would immediately forgive him and would, no questions asked, go with him on his journey to atone. I had a whole fic planned out where she did that exact thing - even if the details weren’t what happened here.
If you have a lavellan who isn’t as sad as mine and who wouldn’t join him, yeah this ending may not work for you. But I went from being pissed at him for trapping my rook and lying about killing varric to immediately being back on my ‘fuck you’re just a deeply sad and broken man please let yourself be happy’ lament when he talked about how he failed both the world and mythal in different moments.
It worked for me. I’m satisfied by how it was handled and think the ending makes sense for the read on Solas I’ve had for the last several years. He’s just a deeply sad man who thinks he has to make up for his failures - and the one person he’s failed more than anyone tells him it’s not on him. She’s the one person he could never get forgiveness from - and he got it. And that’s why it had to be her.
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kokusfluffyhair · 7 hours ago
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I don't mean any drama by reblogging this, but by saying "you cannot reblog my post and also include other ace's experiences" is also being exclusive. Before jumping at a further reply, please read the rest of what I have to say. In my own personal experiences being asexual, I have had the opposite happen to me -- as in that because I was not repulsed by the topic of sex or imaginative sexual fantasies that I was not asexual. My irl experiences and lack of attraction towards people irl have been invalidated by multiple people just because in the scheme of some fictional characters or "celebrity crushes" that I have engaged in sexual thoughts. I have been told so many times for over a decade now that if I think sexually of anyone that I am not asexual and that I just have to "lower my standards" or to "learn to love a man for his personality and then he'll be attractive physically". I do apologise that because your experiences were not the same that my reblog made your or any sex-repulsed ace feel invalidated or demeaned. I don't know what you experienced, and likewise, even if you might view where I sit on the ace spectrum as the "accepted way to be ace", you don't know my experiences either. When you post something online, everyone has the right to share and communicate with the post. By saying "you can't do this"/"you can't say this" because it feels conflicting to you on what you wrote, you're inherintely limiting conversation, limiting speech, and even outing other members of the queer community.
It has taken years for asexuals to even feel a bit of acceptance in the queer community as a whole, and for all of us, regardless of how we experience our sexual orientation, we have been invalidated and cast out by many. Because we weren't "queer enough" and are just "traumatised", "scared", "immature", etc. This still happens today, and is why there needs to be solidarity in the ace community. Now, you may say that such a thing is why you made the post, because you were told "you aren't asexual" by people who experience this orientation differently. But, how is further segregation of who can/who cannot reblog/comment/discuss/share your post going to lead to greater solidarity, understanding, and acceptance in both the ace and queer communities? By reblogging your post and sharing my own impressions that came, I did not say that your post was wrong. I did not say that you couldn't have the experiences you did. I did not mock your experiences. Instead, reblogs that are civil and promoting sharing are intented to validate everyone's experience and to form community. As much as I don't think that division and silence is the answer, if you don't want me, as someone who does not experience asexuality in the same way as you do to interact, comment, and converse with your posts, please block me, because even if I don't follow you, I might see your content again on my feed.
In honour of ace week, and because I don't hear it enough:
REPULSED ASEXUALS EXISTS AND ARE AS VALID AS OTHERS
IT'S OK TO BE DISGUSTED BY SEX
IT'S OK TO NEVER WANTING TO DO IT
VIRGIN ISNT AN INSULT
YOU DON'T NEED AN EXCUSE TO NOT LIKING OR WANTING IT
SEX ISN'T WHAT MAKES US HUMAN
IT ISN'T VITAL
IT'S NOT SHAMEFUL TO NEVER DO IT
YOU DON'T NEED TO "TRY IT" TO KNOW THAT YOU HATE IT
IT'S NOT CHILDISH TO BE GROSSED OUT BY IT
IT'S FINE IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT IT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT AND PEOPLE SHOULD RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES
YOU ARE NOT BROKEN EVEN IF PEOPLE INSIST THAT YOU ARE
FUCK APHOBES AND FUCK PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE WHO HATE SEX
YOU AREN'T ANY LESS VALID
WHEN SOMEONE IS BEING APHOBIC, INSTEAD OF SAYING "BUT SOME ACES DO ENJOY SEX", SAY "IT ISN'T AN ISSUE NOT WANTING IT"
YOU ARE SO VALID IF YOU ARE A REPULSED ACE PLEASE NEVER FORGET THAT!!!!
PEOPLE ARE JUST BEING CREEPS IF THEY INSIST THAT YOU MUST DO IT
IT'S OK IF YOU'RE NOT THE STEREOTYPICAL "ASEXUAL WHO WRITES SMUT AND MAKES SEX JOKES"
IT'S OK SKIPPING UNCOMFORTABLE SCENES IN MOVIES AND SHOWS
IT'S OK TO NEVER DO IT IN YOUR LIFE
THE WHOLE "OLD PERSON WITH CATS" ISNT EVEN AN INSULT CUZ IT SOUNDS DOPE AF NGL
ALSO IT'S OK TO BE MAD WHEN YOU HEAR PEOPLE CLAIMING HOW GOOD SEX IS AND ALL THE "IT'S HEALTHY" BULLSHIT BECAUSE NO YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE EARLIER BECAUSE YOU DON'T DO IT
ALSO ITS NOT A SHAMEFUL THING TO NOT DO ANYTHING YOURSELF EITHER
AND ITS ALSO OK IF YOU EVEN STRUGGLE TO SPELL SOME WORDS OUT BECAUSE OF YOUR REPULSION
IF YOU'RE AN ADULT YOU'RE VALID AND YOU DON'T NEED TO DO IT IN ORDER TO BE VALID AS AN ADULT
YOU'RE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING
YOU ARE QUEER ENOUGH !! YOU DESERVE A PLACE IN THE LGBT COMMUNITY, AND YOUR VOICE DESERVES TO BE HEARD!!
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pearblossomrain · 2 days ago
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personal summary of what might be the most unserious gp i have ever seen aka sao paulo 2024:
(almost needed a whole separate post just for qualis and side note, this sounds a bit like commentary bc i was actually making commentary when watching for my friend)
tldr for qualis; more red flags than an all boys' school, some controversial safety car periods, hamilton out q1, red bulls+sainz out q2, crazy top 5 of norris, russell, tsunoda, ocon and lawson in That Exact Order.
• before the race even STARTED, sainz was starting from the pit lane, albon didn't start the race due to damage from quali, verstappen had a 5 place grid penalty. when you think things are already crazy enough, lance stroll spins out on the formation lap which calls for a second formation lap, and then a third formation lap and aborted start due to lots of confusion (multiple drivers were noted 💀)
(will cut here to save space T-T)
• lights out and away we go....and so does the lead apparently bc russell almost immediately grabbed first from norris?? and he held onto that lead like my grandma holds a grudge; for what seemed like aeons. 😭
• verstappen, hamilton, colapinto and gasly were leaping up the ranks like nobody's business, literally blinked and i missed multiple overtakes from them.
• speaking of verstappen, he goes all the way up from p17 to p6 in like less than 15 laps and there was a super nerve wracking train of tsunoda, ocon, leclerc and verstappen that honestly stressed the hell out of me to watch for all those consecutive laps (i left to get an ice cream and when i came back, even the gaps between had barely changed at all)
• ferrari suddenly decides to pit leclerc incredibly early which i still cannot tell if it was a good idea or not because it started raining heavily and soon everyone except a few of the leading pack went into the pit after a virtual safety car period bc hulkenberg spun out (more on him later trust me), which puts us with a seemingly temporary top 3 of OCON, VERSTAPPEN AND GASLY??? in that order too! 🤡
• first red flag because colapinto collided really heavily into the barriers (man i feel bad for him, this is as close to a home race as it gets for him) and i swear nobody is having a worse day than the williams garage.....my genuine thoughts and prayers to that blue unserious team
• AN ACTUAL BLACK FLAG?!!??? to hulkenberg because apparently when he spun out he had marshals push his car back on track which isn't allowed (but i have to say, unless he made the marshals do it when they didn't want to, it's also a bit on them)....williams racing might have a competitor for most depressed garage after this 😭
• penalties!! so many penalties!! bearman picked up a couple of penalties for collisions and so did piastri which they keep until the end and i'm quite sure there were a couple more but i really could NOT keep up oops. (edit: one more thing! i do feel a little bad for piastri bc he had to sort of give a bit of way for norris at the end when they were stacked tgt only for them to not move up positions at all and with the 10s penalty idk how this will end up being.)
• this red flag period was so unbelievably long (i think all in all it was about 30 min?) that i had time to watch them all go into the pits and get out of their cars, then leave and do some laundry, grab a snack and a drink. 😭 and when i returned, 16 drivers had just requested a restart which in turn led the fia to call for a rolling start
• they finally went back to racing, and so many things happened relatively quickly; norris went wide and russell went past norris to p4, bearman got into the barriers but returns to bring up the rear (NOOO MY SON) and sainz crashed rather badly into the barriers and that was ANOTHER safety car period good god! (they said this is his second time in the barriers which, absolutely Foul, but unfortunately not wrong 😭)
• verstappen (who was honestly having a great day so far from p17 to p2) TOOK A PRETTY BIG LEAD which. oh my god we hadn't seen this in like 100 days or something 😭 and norris goes down to p7?? not sure what happened there tbh i was not looking closely oops again.
• there was a crazy back-and-forth battle going in the midfield bc both vcarbs are in front of perez who, in the commentators' words, "are both fighting for his seat" 💀 and hamilton was also chasing perez (and eventually got the last point) so there was just a lot of scrabbling for points i guess?
• also somewhere in there, i didn't keep track because of so many things happening, alonso spun out and ended up at the back of the pack (i also feel bad for him bc he mentioned back pain and bouncing at the end so sorry grandpa) and yet he did not finish dead last? afterwards he was dead set on finishing the race "for the mechanics", in his own words, which i see as an absolute class act in my opinion. hate him or love him, this makes me have huge respect for him.
• ALPINE. alpine oh my god i (and them. and EVERYONE HONESTLY???) can't believe they held onto a double podium all the way to the end wow i think nobody is happier than that garage and team rn like whole house GLADDD 😭 (p.s. my friend, not sure if she'd like to be tagged, said that the french flag and dutch flag at the podium ceremony were "like y-axis and x-axis" which had me losing it)
• honestly the only thing i am rather sad about is tsunoda finishing p8 after starting p3 but if we are being honest, parts of this race were due to circumstances and perhaps a little bit of additional luck but at least he is in the points and goodbye unlucky streak!! plus it's double vcarb points!
[side notes because this is as long as an entire speech; i did the maths and norris would have to be p1 and verstappen p8 in every single grand prix (not counting the sprint) to win by 1 point and if the maths works out that they're both tied in points, verstappen would still win because he has more grand prix wins even if norris wins all remaining 3 gps]
in conclusion, for a race i predicted would finish at 1:30am my time (it started at 11:30pm here) and hopefully i would get more 5 hours of sleep before work, i will be left with just over 3 hours of sleep now and yet i have ZERO REGRETS BECAUSE HOLY FCK THAT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER. absolutely nothing can top this race for me for the entire season and maybe even last season!!
definitely probably missed quite a few things but this is what i can remember off the top of my head or what was most memorable to me and it is 3am here so pls cut me some slack 🙏
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aquapede · 3 days ago
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happily ever after, among other things, is an exploration of the path in the woods/reset ending, and player experience.
real quick i'm going to get this out of the way: yes, seeing it as a dying relationship is the most obvious reading, considering the themes of the chapter. i realize that, and i think that idea coexists with this one. this isn't dismissing that aspect of it. it's merely another facet of it.
okay now buckle in. this is a bit of a long one.
so, first off, the chapter is described as an epilogue. this chapter is unique in that regard.
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but clearly it's not an actual epilogue. for many reasons. and it could be argued that this is because smitten wants this to last forever, but i think there's more to it. it's an epilogue because you've been here before, haven't you? you've finished things. and now you're back for more. well here it is.
once you ascend to the princess, she is sitting at a long table--a titanic distance between you and she that you cannot cross. depictions of you and her together cover the walls, untold stories that will never come to pass.
she's been expecting you to get here. to come 'home'. there is an implication that this has happened before. this is a tired song and dance. and god are you tired.
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your shadow looms on the wall. holding you as much as it holds her, keeping you locked together just as much as it is keeping you apart. this only continues because you will it so; you don't want this to end. you can't let it end.
'but...we would have to stay here forever.'
the torches burn on the wall. they're what's keeping you happy. i find it interesting that, if you count the princess here, you have the same number as how many vessels the shifting mound wants, and that refusing to engage with her makes torches go out--denying her a vessel.
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but let's not think about that. you and her enjoy something new and exciting together. it is the best experience like this that you have ever had. it is fresh, it is deep and invigorating. the two of you enjoy this. wasn't that perfect? wouldn't it be better if you do it again? can't we enjoy this again? you both want more.
and so you do it again. and it is enjoyable. you see new aspects of the experience; facets you never thought of before. it's exciting to stumble across these things. but then it ends. again. and you still want more.
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so you do it again. there is less to see now, and what there is that is left doesn't invigorate you as much as it once did. it is the small things; simple moments between broad strokes. you've seen this before. you see them anyway.
no, no, you need to do it again. your set the stage again. you perform your play again. you used to love this one.
...then why doesn't it make you feel anything anymore? if you want this so much, why don't you enjoy it?
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and that's it. you don't enjoy it anymore. neither of you do, and that guilt ways heavy over you. you've exhausted that whole experience, what are you meant to do now? you're scared of what will happen once you leave this comfortable familiarity you're in--this cage you've grown fond of.
you find something else to do. she sets the stage. what if we try and do something we've never done before? just...try something? anything.
and it is fun. you enjoy yourself again. you try so many things together. you try warmth and comfort. you try betrayal and cruelty. you do well, you do poorly. but all of these are new experiences. you're detached from the reality of these situations. it's just pretend.
you win. the board resets. she wins. the board resets. you go through more complicated paths. you see things you never saw before. it's all so exciting. the rush of testing your will on hers. you enjoy this.
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but you're happy, right? you're still enjoying this?
what if you just spend time together? it doesn't even have to be a new activity. you don't have to do anything. just experience this moment together, go through the tired halls of all that we've exhausted. we can make this work. please. we don't have to leave. maybe it's your desperation bleeding into her, or maybe she fears that unknown as much as you do.
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but...wouldn't it be nice to leave? to finally start your dance together, even if it's scary? she smiles sadly as she thinks about it. but that terror hasn't left you. you want her to stay. you want to stay with her. you dig your heels in. but...
'i'm not happy here. i don't think i ever was.'
that's what breaks you.
and for the first time in a long, long time, you find yourself sitting in the dark. there is no familiarity to this pain. only the knowledge that you have so utterly failed her.
'i feel empty.'
'me too.'
she's the one that crosses the gap between you. she meets you where the door to your freedom awaits, where you stand and stall as always.
'do you...still care about me?'
you've lived so many lives together. you've done so much. do you still care? did you ever? you...think you do care. even if it has been misguided and painful, hasn't that always been the two of you? that's a spark of familiarity. you see it in her too.
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you've outgrown this place. you've seen what it holds. you know now; it's time to go. she leads you out of here, you trailing behind her. it...feels real. more real than the recursive lives you've lead.
and finally, she gets her wish. out in the night, you begin to dance. and it's invigorating. it's new, yes, but it's also...right, in ways you can't explain. there is no path for you to walk. there are no doubts holding you in the past. there is only you, and there is only her. this is where you're meant to be.
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and finally, you are.
...but there are other endings to this. you don't always leave with her. sometimes that terror grips tighter. it doesn't have to end. we can just start over again. we don't ever have to admit how much it hurts. there is fondness to this monotony.
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so you keep the flame lit. you keep the cycle going. we can be on this path in the woods forever.
or...perhaps you realize now that what was once love has gone putrid in your hands. what began as an exploration of each other's souls has only bred resentment. maybe she's been a monster all along. maybe you were just waiting for an opportunity. but you've made your decision.
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you expect her to be mad. furious, even. but she's not. just...resigned. what is different about death compared to this eternity of the same words, repeated over and over? it's always been cold here.
but at least it's over.
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warblogs17282 · 1 day ago
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Blitz and Stolas, and their coping mechanisms. A breakdown of the matter.
Just so we're clear, I am not saying who has the worst coping mechanisms out of the two in the post, I think they both have pretty bad coping mechanisms for different reasons.
Blitz - Present Day.
The ice cream binges:
I wasn't really going to think all that much about this, but this line from ghostfuckers caught my attention. I am willing to admit that Blitz is likely being hyperbolic here by a bit with this statement, but the fact he said this at all points to that it's starting to become an unhealthy coping mechanism for Blitz, and considering it's been a month since Apology Tour, just how much ice cream and cheese has Blitz consumed by this point? Relatively minor thing all things considered, but it's definitely something to keep in mind.
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Plus, this isn't even the first time that Blitz has employed this coping mechanism, we see it in s1 e8, right after the disaster that was Ozzie's. I wouldn't call him doing this in s1 e8 'unhealthy' exactly, but I'm just showing this to show that this isn't a new thing for Blitz.
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Buying expensive stuff/Poor financial decisions:
Well this purchase wasn't a coping mechanism and more so just Blitz making questionable financial decisions. "And he paid in advance, and I spent it all on this…", I don't know exactly how much an assassination costs exactly, but from the looks of things, it costed a pretty penny. With this giving us our first hint into Blitz likely impulse buying and making questionable financial decisions. (it does look cool af though)
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And then ghostfuckers just amps that shit up to ten. Blitz is now 100% buying stuff as a coping mechanism, and it's 100% an unhealthy one as well at this point, because it's putting IMP in a bad spot financial wise.
But for a quick list of what Blitz has purchased since Apology Tour:
300 taxidermy owls.
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However many horse plates there are in this box.
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The ghostfucker ghostsucker device, costing a couple thousand.
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The reason why I call all of this an unhealthy coping mechanism at this point is because Blitz straight up cannot afford to keep making purchases like these anymore, because there's multiple letters saying things like 'Final Notice', Blitz is now draining their pensions to buy things, IMP could be at risk of defaulting if Moxxie is to be believed at his word, and Millie hasn't been paid in a month.
Sex:
Just a brief one here as there's not really much for me to comment on regarding this, but ghostfuckers told us that one of the things Blitz does to cope when he feels unwanted/unloved, is look for sex or just consume sexual media.
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And well, that's making me think back to his relationship with Stolas a little. Do you think that Blitz could've been using his nights with Stolas as a way to help himself cope a little? Because at minimum, Stolas unintentionally fed into this coping mechanism of Blitz's.
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Blitz - The Past.
Drugs:
In Truth Seekers, Blitz admits to doing a fuck ton of tranquilizers in college, although this is never expanded upon, so this could potentially have been a coping mechanism for Blitz at one point in his life but we can't be sure of that.
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Alcohol:
Blitz in the past has had quite the history of alcohol usage, and I mainly say this because of a few lines of dialogue in s1 e8, those being "He-hey, I knew it was you! Fuck, man, where you been? You here for the party?" and "Come in and show us all up again.", with both of these lines implying that Blitz used to be a regular at Beelzebub's parties, and that Blitz probably drank quite heavily at those parties as well, based off the 'show us all up again' line. Which could also potentially point us to Blitz using the parties and it's alcohol as a coping mechanism, but again, while it is very plausible, I cannot fully confirm this at this time.
Also, something else I want to mention is that addiction tends to run in the family, as we know, Cash was a likely alcoholic, considering we see him drink a bottle in some other tent before Stolas' butler walks in, and there's the line "Remember how you used to distract my dad so I could steal his booze?".
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Barbie Wire used to be addicted to this drug named 'H-8' at some point, and also went to rehab over it at some point as well.
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And it's also worth mentioning that Verosika is also an alcoholic, who also went to rehab over it, but eventually got let out because of her celebrity status or something like that.
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Stolas.
Before I get started with this one I encourage you to read this post I made on this subject before, which goes into quite a lot of detail regarding it all.
The likely abuse of his happy pills:
The start of s2 e1 firmly establishes that Stolas' dosage of these pills are two pills.
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But when we skip to when Stolas wakes up later in the episode, we see that Stolas has just haphazardly got the pills out of the bottle and he grabs three of the pills, which points to Stolas either intentionally taking more than the dosage he should be taking, or that he just grabs a random amount of the happy pills sometimes. Both of which could point to that Stolas is abusing the happy pills, and potentially that it's one of his coping mechanisms as well.
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Plus, there's the fact that Stolas runs out of the happy pills in s2 e8, which again, could also potentially suggest that Stolas is abusing the happy pills as a coping mechanism, but at the same time he could've just forgotten to get a refill so.
Alcohol:
We know Stolas uses alcohol quite heavily to cope with difficult situations, and I'm pretty sure that Stolas is also an alcoholic, but we've seen three examples of Stolas relying on alcohol throughout the show so far:
Chugging a bottle of that strong shit at Stella's party,
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Quite possibly getting blackout drunk at home after the mess that was Ozzie's, on the exact same strong shit,
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and Stolas starts to chug yet another bottle of alcohol, very shortly after he got pressured to singing about Blitz, and that Blitz is right here at the party, talking with him, when Stolas' emotions are still very raw for Stolas.
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Plus, I'm pretty sure that Bryce said something along the lines of this at a panel once, that Stolas does indeed have a problem with alcohol. (If someone has the exact quote please let me know.)
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burningcheese-merchant · 18 hours ago
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When Burning Spice was introduced a lot of people made comparison with Capsaicin, and even thought they were related. You have any thoughts on that?
I do, and you're all probably going to be very disappointed lol
Not only do I NOT vibe with the idea that they're related, I'm actually really annoyed that it's as popular as it is lol. It doesn't even make sense. Burning Spice was in prison for thousands of years; when, where and how did he have a kid? At what point in time did this occur? Capsaicin is a young man. A regular mortal, outside of his "Spice Overlord" thing. I ask you all again: when? Where? How? WHY? Has anyone ever actually thought this through?
"ThEy LoOk SiMiLaR" okay, and? So fucking what? Neither of them own the concept of "long hair" or "muscles" or "sharp teeth". Pitaya has those too, and he has an arguably more substantial connection to Capsaicin because they're actually from the same fucking area. Happenstance. Lots of characters in this game have similar attributes, that doesn't necessarily mean anything
"ThEy'Re BoTh SpIcY" Refer to point A. Do you all think all the nut-based cookies are related, too? That's the logic you might as well be operating on. Correlation is not causation
"Blah blah both jail" you know how many characters in this whack-ass phone game count as felons, bro? How many of them SHOULD count as felons lol? The Cookie Run universe might as well be one giant Alcatraz with all the shit these little affronts to God get up to every day, I ain't making them all each other's relatives because of it
They're the wrong ages for them to be family. Burning Spice was serving a life sentence since long before Capsaicin was even thought of, he literally got out after the guy was already a grown ass man. They're not even from the same fucking CONTINENT! Capsaicin has probably never even HEARD of Beast-Yeast! Even that little comic the CRK Twitter account posted makes fun of all this shit!!! The Wild Spices mistake Cap for Spice from behind, and then get confused when he turns around because THEY VERY CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW WHO HE IS AND HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE! Wouldn't an army know if their general had a son, even if it was only mentioned in passing? Wouldn't THIS army have a vested interest in having their general's son around if he existed, and stop at nothing to bring him home should he vanish, to gain favor with Spice and because of how powerful Capsaicin is and how useful he could be to them?
I wouldn't be so bent out of shape about all this if it wasn't LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYWHERE!!! I cannot enjoy any content of Burning Spice OR Capsaicin without having to endure a fucking barrage of "hurr durr father and son" posts!!! I just want to ogle my hot, sexy, deliciously evil spice man BY HIM-FUCKING-SELF in peace, I never asked to have to hear the exact fucking same "hi son I came back with the milk" joke over and over and over again
I know I sound like a massive dick right now and I'm truly sorry. You are more than welcome to think of these two as related in some way if you wish. I am not your mother, nor your leader, nor your god, I'm just some cringe loser on the internet. Enjoy this game and its characters in whatever way you choose. I even actually like a good bit of the father/son art, a lot of it is cute and funny. I'm able and willing to say that with complete sincerity.
I just wish I didn't have to feel like it's being forced on me. That is one of the biggest issues I have with this fandom: how oppressive it often feels. You MUST ship this particular pairing, you MUST headcanon these characters as family, you MUST take this one-off joke that was clearly just a goddamn joke and preach it 24/7/365 like it's the gospel truth that Devsis themselves wrote on stone tablets and delivered from the top of Mount Sinai. And then when someone doesn't want to do that, everyone else descends upon them like a plague of fucking locusts. I actually saw a Dad Spice + Son Cap post on here with the person who made it saying something like "ok since everyone agrees that these two are family [...]" and I just got so fucking irritated. No, actually, not everyone agrees. Not everyone agrees on a lot of the fanon that's shoved down the entire community's throats on a regular basis. PLEASE stop acting like they do. I still remember when people would get flat-out harassed for not acting like Herb is Sea Fairy's son (old ass drama lol).
Say what you will about me, I'm just one person and you can block me or whatever dumb tags I use for my dumb shit. There is NOWHERE I can go to avoid this. Twitter? Plagued. Tumblr? Plagued. Even fucking reddit is on this nonsense (only in my personal opinion). But that's what I get for acknowledging Reddit in any capacity lol
I shall once again sincerely apologize for my harsh tone here, I am not attacking you personally or anyone who headcanons these two as relatives. I am just generally, profoundly frustrated and I need to get it out. I appreciate you taking the time to ask me an honest question, I hope you can forgive me for my painfully honest answer
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velvetvexations · 14 hours ago
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My early socialization experience was weird as hell.
My mother wanted a daughter to treat like a doll with all the extremely gendered nonsense that entails - and was also a second wave radfem and former political lesbian, which...yeah she was half all in on the gendered shit, but also half in weird denial about it. My dad...is the one I got my auDHD from, and the result was that he raised me exactly the same way his parents raised him - which was also very gendered, but he didn't notice that. He didn't notice how differently they treated him and his sister. He just noticed what they did right by him and what he wanted to repeat. He taught me how to use tools and rebuild car engines and be handy and outdoorsy; while my mother was giving me the whole "oh sweetie don't get your dress dirty (: oh yes you should be a #girlboss in STEM but fixing a chair is too dangerous for you to do alone why don't you get your dad to help (: are you suuuuure you can lift that 8-pound object???" thing, my dad was teaching me how to operate a forklift and training me with good lifting technique and encouraging me to haul shit twice my size and letting me learn the kinds of lessons that can only be learned by minor injury. Damned near the only thing he WASN'T doing was the whole "man up" schtick, but even THAT I kinda got a detoxified version of; there was a lot of value placed on keeping my complaints in perspective, building my emotional regulation to the...best of my limited ability, and trying to solve problems independently - again, his WHOLE thing was pretty much just "what would I repeat from what my parents did to me? What would I change?" With absolutely no regard paid to "what was different for my sister? What would have been different if I'd been a girl?" Because he straight up didn't notice that shit.
As a result I fundamentally don't care that he can't quite get gendered terms right for me, because whatever, he's always treated me like just a she/her boy anyway.
Meanwhile, like I said, my mother considered herself a feminist, full on tried to force herself to be a lesbian about it in her 20s, and yet she STILL constantly underestimated my physical strength, treated my appearance like it was the most important thing about me, and kept pushing me to sit down and "be polite" - but she usually didn't SAY these things had anything to do with me being a girl, and in many cases probably didn't even realize they were herself. "Girls can do anything boys can do - but also if you fight back against your [also prepubescent, but male] bullies They Will Kill You To Death They Are Stronger You Cannot Win" was a sentiment I got (in much less clear terms) ALL THE TIME from her through elementary school. She was obsessed with my appearance, in that distinct radfemmy "well sure butches are cool but uh by butch you still mean skinny in form-fitting clothes with a pixie cut, right?" kind of way. She would never say I should dress "more ladylike" and would get angry at family members who WOULD say that out loud - she even introduced me to the concept that crossdressing is fine (sometimes) and that trans men exist (in which she made it clear she thought of us as just weird butch women) - but she would get really, really weird and cruel if I wore jeans she considered "unflattering".
And that's just the thing, about why all flavors of radfems are wrong about how "socialization" does and doesn't impact people! She never tied gender to a good half or so of those messages, so even after I started transitioning, they still felt like they were always aimed at me. Meanwhile, I got the same kind of auDHD from my dad that made him never see the gender of his own upbringing, only "things my parents did that I would repeat vs. things they did that I would not" - I only realized just HOW aggressively gendered my mother's behavior was by studying sociology years later.
Terfs are wrong that early socialization is destiny, everyone responds to the same messages the same way, and GNC "men" are treated wonderfully.
T[i]rfs are wrong that we all ONLY ever internalize messages aimed at our ACTUAL genders and trans men can just shake off misogyny because it's not REALLY aimed at us, regardless of whether that claim stays in the realm of "because WE know deep down that something is off when we're being called the wrong thing" or gets all the way into the batshit belief that everyone has ESP for people's essential soul gender and GNC men ARE treated just fine and it's ONLY eggmode trans women who get mistreated (and they all do regardless of how well they do or don't perform masculinity) and trans men are all totally raised as men and never treated misogynistically in the first place because of that soul gender ESP.
And ALL radfems are wrong that there's a rigid, universally applicable set of rules as to what socialization looks like based on your gender - just because there ARE broad patterns that DO need to be acknowledged doesnt erase the fact that from person to person there's a LOT of variance for a LOT of potential reasons, and that ends up meaning that in order to figure out what it means for trans people, you DO have to do a whole individual level examination - including by diving into the whole dysphoria-inducing disaster that is being perceived as the wrong gender and all that comes from it.
Also I sometimes half-jokingly identify as cis-bigender because between the thing with my parents, the fact that when I hit puberty it became apparent that I'm actually intersex, and the fact that I'm pretty sure I'd have been on the femboy-transfem cusp had I been AMAB, over 10 years into transition I finally feel manly enough to go high femme when the mood strikes, and I've finally gotten comfortable calling myself a girl when it's funny, I think that's a very fun label and about as accurate and honest as any single term comes.
I wish I could frame this ask.
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yandere-romanticaa · 8 hours ago
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Live, laugh, love Reinhard van Astrea Agenda™! There is a genuine demand for the man, and I am here to DELIVER! If anyone ever has any ideas to share - do not hesitate!
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Even with his countless accolades, various achievements and plethora of skills, Reinhard van Astrea is still nothing but a man at the end of the day. He sits in a chair and admires the sunset, how the pretty colours all flow into one another in order to create a warm embrace of light, to which the knights heart cannot help but to sting a little.
When was the last time someone had embraced him? Reinhard thought to himself, his usually calm face suddenly turning sour.
The longer he allowed himself to linger at those thoughts, the more jealous he became of the sun, those same beautiful rays now mocking him in his cold, dark emptiness, with no one truly being there for him in his corner in his hour of need.
Does a hero like him even have an hour of need? Such a difficult question indeed...
Perhaps that was why Reinhard ended up gravitating towards you. He could not explain away the thrill of seeing you on the street and talking to you, nor could he keep count of how many times he felt his poor little belly rise in an uproar of nausea, a sensation which was otherwise completely foreign to him.
Frankly, part of him wondered if you were a member of the Witch Cult at the start. Why else would he be feeling this way? Reinhard's mind kept doing all sorts of mental gymnastics over and over, but it all fell flat whenever he would look into your eyes and the strongest knight in the world would suddenly turn into a starstruck little puppy.
It was humiliating how his heart nearly broke through his chest and fell straight onto the pavement beneath his boots, all because you had been a careless and sweet little thing by grabbing his strong hand into your own.
The way you held him so casually, it was horrifying but in the most dazzling way possible.
Reinhard recalled his grandfather saying something how you should never get into a way of a man who is blinded with love.
The redhead was finally beginning to grasp that sentiment in its entirety.
It was so easy to fall in love, so impossibly easy to fall into that sweet clutch and hold onto it. Reinhard fought it with all his might, he really and truly did. His sworn duty was to be proper and honorable, who was he to chase after his overbearing desires?
And all of those concerns and worries would melt away like snow in the heat whenever he was granted the blessing of being in your company.
Reinhard van Astrea was a lovesick fool. He hadn't even realized just how deep he was in, just how bad the situation had gotten.
Playing mind games with himself became a common occurrence as he came to the thought that if he took you, all would be well. He had the resources to take care of you and he was the strongest man in the kingdom.
It was definitely the right thing to do.
The Sword Saint held you in his embrace, his grip iron tight as you trashed in the darkness, spewing curses at him. It pained him to see you like this but he had no choice.
Reinhard hated being called a monster. But hearing that cursed word fall from your lips hurt like nothing before.
No divine protection, no amount of training, no mystical spell could have prepared him from the boiling, white hot pain he was in.
You had just called him a monster.
If he wasn't in such a rush, perhaps he would even cry.
He was going to make you see otherwise, thought Reinhard with determination. He was going to show you that all he wanted was the absolute best for you, nothing more. Reinhard was going to be your hero and there was no going back from that.
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bitethedevil · 8 hours ago
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If you’re taking writing prompts consider-
Raphael reacting to Tav/Durge confessing they’re in love with him
I made it a Durge because I haven't written a lot of Durge stuff (fun fact: the first longer fic I ever wrote was with a Durge warlock that had Raph as a patron, but I never released it). Raph is being a bit of a manipulative dick in this one, but what's new. Also, I'm slow as fuck at replying to my asks (especially prompts)
Love
Clack clack clack clack…clack clack clack clack…clack clack clack clack.
His office was deadly quiet except for the sound of his claws tapping on the hard mahogany of his desk, a dangerous rhythm that she knew immediately what meant the second she heard it. The rhythm echoed her heartbeat as she waited for her patron to say something. She was in trouble.
He was leaning against his desk, looking at her and keeping her in suspense. A cruel smile stretched over his face, as he saw how she was beginning to feel uncomfortable. She had defeated monsters, mindflayers, gods…even the biggest monster of them all, her father. Still, nothing made her stomach churn more than the thought of Raphael’s wrath.
The feeling humiliated her as much as it thrilled her and drew her closer to him. She had been a god in her own right with all the lives she took under Bhaal and the cult she had led in his name, but this mere cambion brought her to her knees.
She was like a moth to his fiery flames. Everything about him excited her: his cruelness, his gracious mercy at times, his power plays. He felt like home. There was something safe and known in that cruelty that drew her closer. It was something she understood the rules of.
Click clack…
“I have always questioned your loyalty,” he finally said and moved his claws up to his face to look at them as he spoke. “It is no secret that I am prone to play favorites, but perhaps I made a mistake when I took you in…”
His yellow eyes looked up at her. His comment hit her like a punch to the gut and she knew as well as him that that was the intended effect. She hated the feeling of disappointing him. She hated that she felt that way about it even more. She cleared her throat.
“What is this about?” she asked quietly.
That was the wrong question. She could see it from the way his tail flicked in irritation. She had taught herself every one of his physical cues. They were subtle sometimes, but easier to read in this form. The man had total control over his body, but the devil was just a tad less composed.
“What is this about?” he repeated his question in a smooth, even tone. “Many things, my dear.”
That was another thing she had learned: it was never just one thing. Raphael held grudges. He archived every little mistake in his head in neat files, so he could throw them in your face when you stepped out of line.
“You came crawling to me after your father spat you out, after defying me at every turn and without a crown for me. You begged me to take you in, and yet I question your devotion to my cause. You owe me a grand debt when it comes to loyalty. A debt you have not yet paid back with your services, and one that I now question if you will ever pay back if you keep associating yourself with the wrong people.”
She had wanted to give him the Crown of Karsus. She had liked him even back then. Her companions had fought her every step of the way, and with her dealing with Bhaal, she had too much on her plate to fight them on it.
“It wasn’t my choice, Raphael,” she pleaded. “You know—”
“Yes, yes,” he cut her off impatiently with a wave of his clawed hand. “I have heard all your endless excuses…and I graciously forgave you, didn’t I? You would have been a bloody stain on my carpet long ago if I had not. What I cannot forgive is disloyalty.”
“Raphael, please,” she pleaded quietly. “Just tell me what I have done. I’ll make it right.”
Another flick of his tail. His nose wrinkled and his eyes narrowed, but he quickly schooled his features back into one of indifference.
“What were you doing in Waterdeep?” he asked slowly, each word as heavy as a brick.
That was what all of this was about. She had visited Gale. Gale who had been the very reason that the Crown of Karsus did not go to Raphael. Gale and her had started out as friends, but it evolved to something more along the way. It did not work out. Gale was too perfect, too functional for her. She broke his heart, and she would be lying if she said that this fact wasn’t taken into consideration when she gave up on trying to give to the Crown of Karsus to Raphael.
“I was just visiting,” she admitted. “Nothing more.”
“Just visiting,” he repeated with a hint of venom in his voice. “Just visiting an old flame that snubbed your patron of what was rightfully his, is that right? Is he well, our dear Gale? Does his new unburdened life suit him?”
“We are friends—”
“Friends,” Raphael said with a cruel laugh. “How awfully sentimental of you, dear. How soft you have become. I remember a ruthless woman who murdered her way through Baldur’s Gate. That woman, I could have used. It seems that your father has stripped you of everything that once made you interesting.”
That comment made her furious. It made her blood boil, but then why was she on the verge of crying instead? Why did she find herself pleading instead of yelling?
“Gale and I have been through hell and back,” she said. “It doesn’t change my loyalties for you. Please, Raphael.”
“I will NOT be made to look a fool!!” he roared with a sudden fire in his eyes.
The sound boomed through his office. She flinched. His tail flicked from side to side now. He looked her up and down. It seemed to please him how she was turning pale at his words and tearing up. He returned to his calm and collected demeanor as quickly as he got angry.
“Why are you crying?” he asked without a shred of sympathy in the question.
She tried to stop, but she couldn’t. She just wanted him to understand that she was devoted to him, and that this was all a mistake. She had not meant to cross him or make him angry, but merely to visit an old friend. His nails started tapping on the table again as he waited for her to speak.
“Can’t you— can’t you see that I’m only loyal to you?” she sobbed. Clack, clack… “I made a contract with you because I wanted to work for you. I’m yours, and only yours.” Clack, clack, clack. “Can’t you see how I only want to please you? How much I love you?”
Clack.
He froze for a moment at the oddly heartfelt confession that escaped her lips. She had not meant for that to come out, but he was great at pressuring her into saying things she didn’t want to admit. It was a humiliating confession. She hated being so vulnerable and weak. She wished that she could stuff the words right back down her throat. He wasn’t supposed to know.
A smile spread over his otherwise frozen face. He looked her up and down and let out a small huff of laughter. He looked like a man who had just been handed the perfect weapon. His hand left the table and beckoned her closer with a finger.
She walked over to him, unable to look him in the eye. He tilted her head up with a claw under her chin. He towered over her in that form.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
She looked into his yellow eyes. He was smiling at her.
“Say it again.”
“I love you,” she repeated.
The humiliation in the confession was more apparent this time, and he was eating it up like it was the best meal he had had in centuries. He laughed her straight in the face.
“Oh, dear,” he said with a chuckle. “A creature of habit, aren’t you? You poor girl…”
She swallowed hard. She should have just shut up. His thumb ran over her jaw and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. The touch set her aflame, despite the excruciating embarrassment she was feeling.
“Do I remind you of your dear old papa?” he asked, still smiling like the cat that got the cream. “Is that what this is about? It is always the fathers, isn’t it? Still searching for the approval of a cruel master, even now. Perhaps you haven’t changed at all, my dear…”
She kept quiet. He leaned closer as if sharing a secret. She could smell wine and tobacco on his breath. His thumb rubbed circles on her jaw.
“Tell me,” he whispered to her. “Where did your dear Gale fit into this picture? I’m awfully curious.”
Her eyes flicked to his lips for only a second, but he didn’t miss it by the way his smile widened.
There was only one acceptable answer and she prayed that she would choose the right one. She shrugged.
“He didn’t,” she said quietly.
That was the right answer from the way his smile widened.
“No, I would imagine not,” he said. “Too…boring…wasn’t he? He was not enough of a challenge for you, so you discarded him.”
There was a hint of guilt in her eyes at his words. He tutted gently and caressed her cheek.
“Who could blame you?” he cooed. “People like us won’t concern ourselves with boredom. You were right in choosing to focus on greater things. Gale was easy. Pleasing him was easy. He would not make you fight for it like I will.”
That promise made a shiver go through her. Raphael grabbed her arm and tugged her even closer, until she was standing between his legs with her chest pressed against his. His hand came to rest on her hip. He pressed his forehead against her, his nose touching hers. He was tantalizingly close.
“You are mine then, aren’t you?” he asked. “Only mine.”
She nodded. He gave a dangerous smile.
“You want to please me,” he said. “To make me happy…”
Another nod.
“You love and adore me.”
Another nod. His lips were so close she could almost taste them. His thumb was rubbing circles into her hip. His tail was flicking side to side, but not in rage. It was more like a cat that is ready to pounce on an unsuspecting prey that it had been sneaking up on for a while.
“You will write a letter to Gale Dekarios and say that you are unavailable for any future visits,” he whispered against her lips. “That you have already done plenty for him and that you never want to see him again.”
His lips brushed lightly against hers before he pulled away, stealing her breath. She chased his lips, but he only smiled and pulled away further. She knew she had to earn it.
“Go. You wouldn’t want to disappoint me, would you?” he said with a smile and let go of her.
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