#i had scoliosis for a while but it wasn't too severe

[duncantf]

one thing i will never get over is when i went to my back doctor and i asked him about my constant severe back and shoulder pain and he was just like "oh! well that's weird. can't do anything about it. sorry ! :) we'll never see you again btw !" and then just fucking diagnosed me with chronic back pain and chronic shoulder pain and called it a day

[the-library-and-the-teashop]

The Forest Grimm

Author: Kathryn Purdie

Genre: fantasy, fairytale reimagined.

Format: novel.

Serie: yes, tome 1 of 2. (Tome 2 out in October)

Editions: Micheal Joseph/Illumicrate

Romance: allodyacishet romance with a love triangle. Kissing. No sex.

Other representation(s): disabled main character (scoliosis, chronic pain, MC wears a shoe lift)

Tw: blood, attempted murders, poisoning, scary woods, non consensual drug use, matricide, infanticide, cannibalism, starvation, ghosts, suicidal ideations (kind of).

Rating: 6.5/10

Tea association: a berry-flavoured black tea or a Pu'er.

.

I the small village of Grimm's Hollow, villagers used to live prosperous lives. Until their most precious possession, given by the mysterious Forest Grimm, the Book of Fortune, a strange oracle with the power to grant one wish to every villager after they turned 16, was taken back by that same forest after one villager used the book for a nefarious wish.

Soon after, villagers start disappearing in the Forest Grimm never to be seen again; they are called the Lost. And no one can go and look for them to bring them back because the trees of the forest themselves will stop any attempt at passing the treeline.

Three years later, Clara, the daughter of the first Lost, is still determined to find a way into the forest and reclaim her mother.

.

Honestly I had a hard time getting in the book at first, despite being intrigued. The second half was way better. In the end I wanted more, that is, the second book, which is not out yet unfortunately. Though the author actually give us a good enough final to not feel dissatisfied and the end of this first tome. But the epilogue is intriguing and set the foundation for the plot of the next book.

It's an overall good read. I genuinely enjoy this story, despite my aversion to love triangle, though I have to admit that as far love triangles go, this one wasn't completely unpleasant and actually made sense.

The plot itself had a few twists I should have seen coming in insight, some that I've partially seen coming, and some that just plain caught me totally by surprise.

The world building is set mostly on the Grimm fairytales, but twisted, cutted in pieces and used as the author please. The result is quite fascinating, It is actually fun to look for the clues of which characters is from which tale. Sometimes it's not what you'd expect. Sometimes the original fairytale is twisted beyond recognition.

This was a good debut! Worth your time.

.

Note about the fairyloot edition: it's really gorgeous.

The dust jacket design is fairly close of the original except for the background that went from white to a beautiful green. The dust jacket is reversible and the other side is absolutely gorgeous with the main characters all depicted on it.

The naked book it also sublime and is a rendition of the book from the story, "Sortes Fortunae" (the book of Fortune), with foil on the hardcover.

The end pages show Clara and Axel.

And the sprayed edge is beautiful, with it's depiction of Clara in her red cape near the black wolf with the forest in the background.

This is an overall gorgeous edition. I just would have like a real binding, and not the sheets just glued together. It makes the book really fragile. I was scared several times to damage the book while reading. Not the best experience.

Though I'm really hoping that fairyloot will publish the second tome too. I definitely want the whole set.

[messmersflame]

yknow im only just now realising how much the pandemic and lockdowns have fucked me up like, both mentally and physically.

before the pandemic, i was well into my recovery. i hadn't sh'd in a long time, hadn't had any suicidal ideation, was able to go outside, saw my neighbours and family, was able to keep mostly on top of household chores.

for the first year of the pandemic, i didn't go outside if i could help it. being at high risk of covid myself, and just not being able to go to the store when it was actually open, and physically being unable to wait in line for long periods of time without being in significant pain- it just wasn't something i could do. i couldn't really go outside in the garden either, as the gvmnt here decided that was now against covid regulations, especially when myself and my neighbours are high risk.

so the less i went outside, the less my body was moving around. my already chronically ill, disabled and in constant pain body got weaker and weaker. i dont have the means to exercise properly inside my tiny apartment. the weaker i got, the less energy i had, and the harder and harder it became to stay on top of keeping the place clean.

during last year, i finally was able to ask my mother (who had been able to safely make me part of her 'bubble') to come and help me clean my apartment. she was shocked at the state my apartment had got into, and i still feel so much shame over something that i physically could not do anything about. i'm still struggling to keep the place clean.

it got so bad that i am now constantly sick. being in an environment that i could not keep clean, and being unable to go outside, meant that my already disability compromised immune system is now destroyed. so i had even less of a reason to venture outdoors. even with being vaccinated now, you can still get covid, and even other illnesses might severely affect me.

and this doesn't even account for the mental effect this has had on me. without being able to move around as much, and with my weakened disabled body, simple tasks such as emptying the trash meant that i would be in a lot of pain afterwards. i would even be in a lot of pain just from sitting. my scoliosis has become so much worse, i am in constant pain no matter what i do.

i began abusing painkillers and alcohol just to make the pain stop. all of the progress i had made, destroyed. with the shame of not being able to keep my home clean, or do simple tasks i had been able to do before, added to the shame of relapse, my depression became worse. i would take more and drink more to knock myself out instead of facing being awake and hating myself for it all. and when that didn't work, i turned to something i haven't in years- self harming. i had been clean for a long time. the suicidal ideation is back, too.

and NONE of this even touches on the despair and anger caused by our governments, by our society, by billionaires all profiting off what has happened while i and others in even worse positions suffer. i live on disabled support, and my gvmnt has repeatedly reduced the amount paid out, has repeatedly threatened me over late bills- and i've been lucky to not be forced off it and be deemed 'fit for work', which has happened to so many people even more disabled than me. every day i wonder if i'll be next.

two years of my life destroyed, progress gone. i'm almost 30 and wondering how the hell i'm supposed to be a 30 year old, when i can't even vacuum the carpet without breaking down in pain and tears. when i've barely been outside in two years. when my only real form of social contact is a handful of people on a screen. when the gvmnt is desperately trying to kill me and people like me.

how the fuck do i recover from all of this?

[here-are-my-reasons-to-live]

Number 15

Just wanted to update everyone, I'm out of surgery and doing well! I'm up and walking and the surgeons have been so very kind.

I know the whole "don't talk about yourself on the internet" rule, but I hope that my story can help inspire others to be kind and considerate. I never want anyone else to go through what I did.

This one is pretty long, you do not have to read it all. The last paragraph is the most important.

I was diagnosed with Scoliosis back in the summer of 2017. I had just moved back to my small conservative hometown in the middle of Texas, but before that I'd lived in Las Vegas, Nevada for almost 8 years. I bet you could guess there was a bit of a culture shock there.

Since I was new, I had to have a full physical to join the rest of the students in 7th grade. It was the doctor there that gave me the initial diagnoses.

For those of you who don't know, Scoliosis is a deformation of the vertebrae and spine. You can be born with it or it can appear suddenly.

I was not born with it. We still have no idea what caused it either. I'm pretty sure I had had it for a while, because I had struggled with migraines and back pain since I was in 3rd grade. But no one had believed me, at the time. It took 4 years of pain before I even got the diagnosis.

It took months to get an x-ray scheduled and it was almost a two hour drive to get to the specialist. I was told there that I had two curves; one up near my shoulder, and one down near my hips. Both of the curves were severe enough that I was immediately warned about a possible need surgery and was prescribed a back brace.

The back brace was probably one of the most painful things in my life, both emotionally and physically. The brace was tight and restricted most of my movement. I had to wear undergarments, an undershirt, the brace itself and an over-shirt everyday in the middle of Texas. 18 hours a day too. It would have been decent enough to real with if not for my peers. They would go out of their way to mock how I leaned or the way that I stood. I couldn't wear jeans for a while because the metal would leave bruises in my skin from where the brace but the most pressure, and my classmates loved to point that out.

Some of my most vivid memories are from my classmates making fun of me. Like;

When the school nurse had to chack everyone in the school for it, since it is a quite common condition. The whole class turned to my and snickered. "I bet we'd know if we were freaks like them,"! They told me. The jokes lasted for weeks.

When some kids figured out which desk was mine for 4th period and placed several pieces of gum on the exact side of the chair that the side of my brace hung off of.

This one athletic dude in my class asked if I was too poor to get the surgery or if I just preferred looking like a freak. His family was rich too the point where he and his 6 siblings could afford to go to any school they wanted, not including the price of their house and yacht.

A bit of explanation is needed for this one; I used to stand with one foot pressed against the opposite knee so that some of the pressure from the foam was off my back. The foam would make it difficult to breathe sometimes so I would also move the chest plate forward every once in a while so that I could breathe. This wasn't usually a problem unless I had been standing still for a while. I had been standing for 30 minutes, way longer than what was comfortable for me. One of the guys in my class notice how I was standing, and moved to stand behind me. He spent the next 15 minutes pretending to 'subtly' copy my movements and eventually the whole class was laughing at me.

I was told in June 2019 that I no longer had to wear the brace. It had been ineffective and the curves were both already over 50°. I also was made aware that we were moving to a bigger city and when I tell you that I had never been so happy to move in my life, I mean it from the bottom of my soul.

I managed to make it through 9th and 10th grade. At that point my back hurt badly enough that I had to use a rolling backpack most days. My school does not have lockers, so this is where the bullying got worse. I'm not going to go into detail with these.

People went out of their way to kick my bag. Several of my pride pins on my bag were broken or destroyed entirely. Eventually it got to the point where my friends would carry my bag for me, because people were starting to damage the expensive art supplies that I wasn't always able to hold separately.

People would stare at my uneven shoulders and whisper.

I have a non-binary pin on my bag, and with my comfy clothes I guess I confuse people. Several freshman have decided to entertain themselves by throwing slurs at my partner and I. It got so bad that I moved it off my backpack to my purse.

I'd like to continue this later if any of you are interested. Mostly I just wanted to thank anyone who is kind unconditionally. I want to thank those who stop bullying or teasing. I want to thank the people who would stop and wait patiently outside a public restroom stall because they can hear a child in there crying, and struggling to put on a brace by themselves for the first time. I want to thank the old lady at the Farmers Market when I was in 8th grade, she not only watched my brace and bag because it was 90°F and she could tell that I was missing hanging out with my friends, but helped me make sure that my shirt wasn't caught on the Velcro before I left. I want to thank my friends who defended me when someone would talk about me behind my back, and who were always there to assure me that I was still desirable and loved even if I didn't think I was worth it

To all of the people who helped me, who inspired me, and you cared for me. I owe you all everything. Thank you so much.