#i had been studying for my GED all day and was stressed

[absinthe-minded-talks]

Mom said it's my turn to make a Disney movie reference

[certifiedbitch777]

The Concept of Intention

Entry Date: 2/12/2024 2:52pm

Today is Monday, and I'm supposed to be working right now, but everything in my body was fighting me from doing so. I did what I thought was best and called out, and god, am I glad.

I hate my job. I hate corporate culture, but I'm stuck here since this is the only thing that allows me to pay my bills. I would love to just write for a living. I don't care if it's to be an author, creative writer for a magazine, songwriter, or poet - I want any and all of it. It brings me peace.

These past days of trying to break bad habits and being consistent have made me deeply introspect. All I've been pondering is my purpose and what I want my life to look like, and I just end up back in the same spot. 

I want the freedom to express myself. I want the ability to carve out my own daily schedule and to follow the beat of my own drum. I want to be authentic. I want to be happy.

I just want to be happy.

In the world that we currently live in, it almost seems as if those in power are doing their best to prevent this from happening, but it's all I crave. I do my best to find joy in the little things, but it's just not in my nature to settle for crumbs when I know I can and deserve much more.

Over the past 5 years, what I wanted to do and be in life has changed dramatically. I honestly feel like I choose and hyper-focus on a vocation every 2 to 3 months. If I'm being honest, in each sprint, whichever career path I chose was never due to my genuine interest in them. It was all due to social, family, and financial expectations and pressure. 

My interest in all things linked to healthcare and technology was due to my family saying that it would be a reliable source of income. 'There will always be jobs for nurses or cybersecurity.' 'It would be a steady flow of income.' Obviously, my studying in those things lasted only a short time. My reason for indulging in it wasn't sustainable.

I also majored in Psychology for about 2 semesters in college. I actually really love the concept of psychology. The complexity of the human psyche completely fascinates. As much as I loved taking classes on it, I eventually dropped out of college due to my school requiring my broke ass to pay out of pocket because I failed 1 class :|. I was devastated, but a part of me always knew I wouldn't stick with it for long since school was never for me despite my academic success in my younger years. For background, I dropped out in 10th grade and got my GED shortly after my 18th birthday without studying :).

Between all of this exploring, I worked in various retail and warehouse jobs. Honestly, I quit those jobs at the drop of a hat because the pay would never match the stress. One thing I did enjoy was the amount of free time I had. The schedule was flexible, and I could get a lot done in a day or week since I sometimes did double shifts to have more days off. As much as the scheduling for the job was compatible with my dream life, the pay and terrible benefits nowhere near offset the latter.

Last but not least, I currently work at a top corporate company. I got in due to an apprenticeship, and they offered me a full-time offer. I will forever be grateful for that, as I was sure I would be fucked as both a high school and college dropout. They've provided me with stability I could only dream of, along with excellent benefits. However, what makes me not willing to settle for this is the lack of work-life balance I have. I work at least 6 days a week and over 12 hours most days. I have no life, happiness, or drive for anything anymore. It's as if I had to sell and exchange my soul for this life. And now I live the life of a corporate zombie with my world being filled with black and white instead of vibrant colors.

Why am I giving all this context of all my different career changes? Because I was never genuinely intentional with each path I explored. As a result, nothing worked out the way I thought it would. 

I've been applying to random jobs with mid to high salaries for over 2 years now, and I've gotten a rejection for every single one. Although that could be a result of how terrible the job market is, the way I view it, it didn't work out for a reason. It wasn't meant for me, and I only applied to them for superficial reasons, not because I was genuinely interested in them.

I want to be more intentional in everything I do in this life. Whether it's the food I eat, how I present myself, my morals and values, or even the line of work I want to pursue. I want to be the best version of me and only me. 

This is why I want to write for a living. It's been a common denominator in my life since I was as young as 5. I've always loved writing. Whether it was storytelling, music, or even something as simple as journaling, I felt aligned with what I was supposed to be doing. Even when I am blogging to absolutely nobody, I feel happy. I feel fulfilled spreading my truth no matter how ugly or beautiful.

The concept of intentional living was spoken about long before my mother was born. I thought I was doing so, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I challenge and hope that anyone who comes across this post begins the journey of self that will lead to a life of fulfillment.

[whoa-its-dani]

Some quick life-updates from yours truly:

Realized I was, in fact, nonbinary. Being honest with myself and being away from the internet really helped me figure that one out. I'm still largely in the closet, but I'm planning on where I go from here. I know I'm going to get top surgery or at least a reduction eventually, but that's a Future Leigh thing.

I developed a shellfish allergy which is a thing that can happen. Your body can just... decide it's allergic to shit. I know it's an immune system overreaction but wtf wtf wtf we've eaten shrimp and clams and crab our whole life wtf wtf wtf There's the slight possibility it was a spice or the ramen I was eating them with but like. It's more than likely the fucking shellfish.

I'm currently outside of the US right now and FAR away from home. I'm not immigrating, I'm just helping a friend with some housework and also getting my first vacay in like a decade. Also I dealt with quite a bit of ableism and assumed misogyny (bc still in closet) with immigration to the point they had to bring two different women officers to deal with my sitch. Like I don't wanna spread the stereotype of men being insensitive and women being "more compassionate" or w/e but yikes. I'm struggling so hard right now not to let that asshole taint all men. I'm beating that sexism back with a fucking bat.

My cynophobia is in severe decline, at least with smaller and some medium sized dogs! Anything bigger than like a corgi still triggers me (shaking, crying, panicking, etc.) but smaller dogs are so fucking cute and fun and snuggly!!! I love when they curl up in your lap and when they roll over for tummy rubs!!! I really miss my mom's dogs right now 😭 but I have a cat here so it's kind of ok

Had some True Crime shit happen to my family. My aunt (who's always been in poor health) passed away in her sleep. Her husband had her cremated asap, threw out all of her stuff, repainted the room she slept in, and then waited a week to tell the rest of the family... by text. Originally it looked like she had died in her sleep while he was at work, but then he admitted to his daughter (who then told the fam) that he had been home all day, that he lied to police about being at work, and that he was glad she was dead. So it's looking more and more like he killed her, or at least let her die. Like... he's always been an asshole. It's totally believable he killed her, but I hope (for everyone's sake) that he didn't and he's just being a selfish jackass who doesn't understand how sus he sounds.

My mental health has been the best it's been in years. I still have bad days (esp right now bc of the shit that happened with the border officer) but I'm kind of in awe that I'm like. Alive? Like I'm entering my late twenties. My first suicide attempt was when I was 11. I never imagined I would make it past 21. Bitch I'm still here!!! Life is not my problem, I am LIFE'S problem!

I learned how to make stroganoff and became mildly addicted to it for like a month.

Lived to see cicadas in the summer! Saw SO many!!! I think about them when winter makes me sad. They're my light at the end of the tunnel.

I ALSO SAW A BABY (ok more like a young) POSSUM!!! My dad discovered him in a box of apples we had outside. He was havin a FEAST lemme tell you. Boy went through like four apples that were about half his body size. Hell yeah.

I've currently been trying to exercise and strength train because I tried to climb a tree to get a cicada shell and yeah. I didn't even make it off the ground. Spaghetti ass arms. Right now I'm too sore from the travel (& stress & panic attack due to border issue) to see if my strength has improved, but I can definitely tell there are muscles in my arms and not just mush. Human bodies are so fucking weird and cool and shit.

I still remain uneducated and unemployed, but I actually checked out the GED study guide from the library earlier last year. I had a panic attack and ended up returning it, but... it's progress! A few years ago, I would've just passed it by. I actually opened it and looked in it and shit! Give me some more time and I'll actually be able to USE it and then get my GED and then bitche!!!! :D I've also decided I'm going to try to become a mortician. I doubt I have the patience to become a medical examiner, but I'd still like to work with the dead (not in a creepy way, I'm just better with dead folks) AND I got some family in the business back home (here's hoping I can use nepotism to my advantage teehee) so it's a good idea. I'm not saying it'll work out, but it's a plan.

I beat Pokemon Diamond again, and Skyrim. I made like four new characters but only ended up completing one (and they became a sneak archer because of course.)

I've done a little more sewing! I'm still kinda sucky at it and my brain can not figure out how the hell a back stitch works but I'm having a lot of fun!

Ok that's all I can think of right now but yeah. I'm surprised I haven't completely lost my mind yet but hey. There's still time 😌

I'll hopefully be more active on here in the upcoming days (bc I've missed my sweet little garbage trash site and all my gay little mutuals), but right now I'm just trying to exist in as little pain as I can. Very fatigued but also incredibly sore (shoulders, back, and legs).

I'm so grateful to all the kind messages and asks you guys have sent me while I was gone, and I hope your lives have been going well. Things are tough right now for everyone, and I hope you find the strength and support you need to go on. Fucking love you guys.

[thewritersaddictions]

2023: Eddie Munson- Episode 11 Finally My Year

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OC!Lilly Miller

Pov: Eddie Munson

Warnings: 2023, graduation, Christmas time, the band (Correded music) Steve&Robin. Christmas Celebration. engagement ring, graduation dinner.

Summary- Eddie finally finishes his online classes. Lilly helps him study for his final in-person exam, and afterward Eddie gets back a speical gift for Lilly.

A/n- firefly-graphics for dividers

WC- 4.8k

Stranger Things Master List // The Adults Master List // 2023 Series Master List

GED pratice testing is harder then I thought it was going to be. I starred hard at the pratice version that sat in front of me. I had printed out. Not only was I taking the whole GED test, but that was over two hundred questions long, and a essay. I won’t lie the essay part of this seems easier in my head. Maybe due to years of playing D&D, or whatever it is. I worry about the questions for math, and english. Work has been slow due to the inclimate weather, so I’m stuck here staring at paper. 

I feel eyes on me quickly. It’s getting late, and the longer I stare at the printed out papers the harder it is to keep the effort of wanting to actually finish my GED at all. “Baby?” I hear Lilly sweet voice for the first time in a while. “You alright?” The last time i heard her voice had to be a few hours ago when she said she was gonna take a shower, and get dinner started. When I look up at her my eyes catch the clock. “It’s nine already, and no I’m no where close to alright.” 

The words come out harsher then I mean them, and I hate that Lilly gets thr brunt of my frustration towards this damn testing. It’s the last thing that’s holding me back. The last thing that makes life slow. The last thing in my way to a better way of life possibly. I’m not sure anymore at this point. “Baby, you know you should probably eat. When was the last time you stopped and rested your eyes?” Lilly questions me, and I have to think for a moment. Rested my eyes I laugh at her words, and chew my lip. 

“See you don’t even have to answer me cause I already know.” She walks over her feet clad in white fluffy socks. Her legs covered by oversized sweats and a sweatshirt to follow suit on top of her chest. She takes the paper from in front of me and slips between books, and other papers. Her hands come up to my shoulders. Rubbing deepingly into the tense muscle. I lean into the touch, and moan at the feeling. “You’re heaven Lilly. Truly fuckin’ heaven.” I muttered as the stressed melts away from my body at the touch of her hands. 

“Thank you baby.” She says reaching down to kiss the crown of my head. “Have some dinner with me, and then we go back to that pratice test.” Lilly says her hands releasing my muscle of my shoulder. She plates our food. A chili that had been cookin’ all day and the smell having wafting into my nose at some point during the day. We sit across from each other at the small dinner table. Silence is comfortable around us. The window shows a falls of snowflakes and the cars outside getting a light dusty of white over all them. 

The chili warms me up, and kicks me awake. My eyes don’t feel as heavy anymore, and as I watch Lilly from across me the table. “What are you planning?” I say shoving a spoonful of chili into my mouth. She looks at me with wide eyes, “What do you mean?” She asks if I don’t know enough about her. “You’re planning some, I just don’t know what yet. You’re beautiful face betrays you sometimes ya know.” I say. My bowl is empty before Lilly will tell me about her plan. She takes a bit longer to finish her food.

When Lilly is done though. She grabs the paper GED practice test. Scanning the paper of it contents. “What’s giving you the most trouble?” She asks, I go over the table. My elbows hitting the table. “Math, and Enlisgh.” I said pointing to the sections of the pratice test. “Okay. Get up, and go to the bedroom.” Lillys voices is demanding, flirtous tones are floating in her words. “What?” “You heard me, bedroom now. And sit on the edge of the bed.” She says nothing else, and waits for me to leave the room. I go and wait for her. 

I wonder for the moment that pass on. I wonder what Lilly is got planned. My head goes automatically to the dirtiest of such things. Like maybe she’ll forget all about the paper and just come in and tease the fuck out me. Let me out some much need stress. Maybe she’ll come in on her knees and beg for me to make her feel good, and right. I hear her soft footsteps on the carpeted floors. The doors opens. “Here we go. I picked twenty questions. For each one right. I’ll strip down, every one wrong you strip down.”

My eyes goes wide in my head, my heart stops, and my breath get caught in my lungs. I can’t hold back the excitement. Yet the feeling that I don’t know what I’m doing, or getting myself into ramps up at every single passing seconds. “Are you serious?” I ask, not sure why but I do. “Yeah I’m sure baby. I wanna help you. I figure this might help.” She says with a sassy wink. She sits across from me. Her back rests on the headboard of the bed. We stare at each other, “Do you wanna get started Eddie?” 

I shake my head. I'm begging for Lilly to start. Lilly isn’t back out, so neither will I. “Yeah I’m ready.” I mutter. I’m staring at her. She’s all I can see and she’s all I want to see right now. “First question.” Lilly goes off to explain a math equation, and as I frantically search for paper and pen. Lilly waits for me to answer. “I… Do I have like call a friend option?” I ask her. She shrugs. “If you need any help you can ask.” I nod. I give her my answer, and she checks my math. 

“Should I give you the choice of what comes off, or should I just undress.” Lilly doesn’t give me time to answer her as she slips her fluffy white socks off. “Oh come on, that's not fair.” I whine as she wiggles her pink painted toes. She rolls her eyes, “and that’s why you don’t get to pick what I take off Eds.” She murmurs. We go over a few more math questions until I hit a few I just can’t manage to get over. Lily motions me to lose the shirt. “Lose the shirt Eddie, thems is the rules” 

I roll my eyes at Lilly incorrect grammar. But do as she say. Lifting the shirt from over my back, and up my shoulders. It’s lands in a small growing pile somewhere close to Lilly discarded fluffy white socks. This goes one for the rest of the questions. English I get through pretty easily, and realize quickly that I am far overdressed to be in the same room, or on the same bed as Lilly. Her sweats as taken a dive to the floor, along with the huge sweatshirt. There she sat almost naked in front of me. So pretty. 

The heat was radiating through the trailer and even though Christmas wasn’t far away the snow fell hard and heavy as the night sky took over the sky. Twenty question later, and I had only lost a few pieces of clothing. Shirt, and socks. “See I told you that you got it Eddie.” Lilly muttered as she put down the printed paper pratice test. “And you’ve got some time before your exam.” Lilly added. She swallowed when she looked up at me. My mouth was watering, she was so damn sexy, and I just a few inches away from her. 

There is some sort of conversation that we have with no words, and just our eyes. Like Lilly knows what I was thinking, and I know what she’s thinking about. She let’s me inch closer, sure we had kissed, a few steamy making out sessions. Nothing like this though. Nothing that had me so close to touching her bare skin. She opened her legs. Black lace panties on full display for me. “Can I touch you?” I ask her in a whisper. She nods her head. My hand slips on to her thighs. Plush, and so very warm. “Oh fuck.” 

She whimpers out. I haven’t even  a damn thing, and I’ve already got her moaning out in pleasure.  “Can I…” “If you dare aks if you can touch me again I’mma slap you silly Eddie.” She groans out in frustration. I don’t take to long. I postition myself between her legs. Pulling her down, her panty covered pussy coming straight in front of my face. A dark wet spot. Hard to ignore as I pull her panties to the side, and see her glisten under the light. I play with her teasingly. “PLEase Eddie make me… Make me cum Eddie!” 

I don’t ignore my girls begging. Her demands are so hard to not want to fall into. Her wet pussy pulling me in even more. The nosies that hit my ears as I played at her clit. Sloppy noises as her wet pussy clenches around nothing. Finally when I slide a finger into her dripping pussy, I felt like I was heaven. Her moans bouncing off the walls of the room. Her hips rocked against my hand. “Put… put another one Eddie please.” She begged me. I obliged her. Finger fucking her as her pussy clenched around my fingers hard. 

A few days after Lilly and I strip tease learning session. I wake up ealirer then I normally do for work. Gathering all my energy and want. Pouring myself a cup of coffee. I study the last bit I can as I eat a healthy meal for breakfast, and sip on my coffee. The GED test is harder then I ever anticipated. The room is cold, and it’s filled with people of all ages. Teenagers, older gentleman, mothers in their earlier thirties. When I get there, and settled in my seat, I wait. I wait for a very long time. 

A reason to show itself for why I should just walk out. But then I remember the night between Lilly and I. I remember that I would do anything for her. Anything, and if that meant confirming one more time to a testing time, silent, cold room. Well fuck it, cause I’d do anything for her. It takes longer then I anticipated. Sections are marked in a professional way. Calculator here, but not there. The essay I blew through with ease, and in a flash it was all over. I turned in my paper test, and walked out the door. 

When I got to trailer Lilly was still asleep. I left my snow covered boots outside the trailer door. Unzipping my puffy jacket and put it to rest on the coat rack. I threw my outside clothes to the floor in a snow soaked pile. Sliding back under the warm sheets. Lilly found the warmth almost autonaically. Cuddling close up to my side. Smell of vanilla, and fresh laundry whafted into my senses. The sun had risen, but for now we didn’t need to. I stared at her beautiful face, and brushed away the fly hairs. Kissing her lips gently. 

Nearly a week before Christmas a letter came in the mail. “Babe, did you get the mail today?” Lilly shouted from the other side of the trailer. I was about to hop into the shower. Poking my head out of the door. “No sweetheart.” I said. She nodded, and went out the door. I showered. Lathering my hair up with shampoo, and then conditioner. The harsh weather not being helpful to long hair like mine. “You’ve got mail babe.” Lilly screamed. “From?” I questioned. “The state of Indiana.” The words hit my ears, and I ran out. Grabbing the mail. 

“Do you think?” I ask, “Maybe, but you won’t know unless you open it dingus.” Lilly muttered. Towel wrapped around my waist. I stood in the middle of the living room. Dripping water droplets to the carpet floors. “DID YOU OPEN IT YET?” Lilly screamed from the kitchen. Her words pull me out of the dream state I’m in. I rip the paper, because everyone rips the fucking envelope. It ripes and tears. I get a papercut on my finger as I try to get the paper out of the envelope. “What does it say Eddie?? I wanna know please.” 

I don’t read the words, I just end up shoving the paper into Lilly’s chest. “I’mma go change and get dressed. Possible hide under the sheets so I never have to know that i failed that fucking exam.” I mutter under my breath as I walk fast back to the bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed. The towel hands loose on my wasit. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I mutter under my breath and I grab an old shirt, a pair of sweats. That’s it. I sit there until my heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to burst out.  

I hear Lilly’s scream, and the shouts for me to come out of the bedroom. “EDDIE COME OUT! I NEED YOUR HELP, PLEASE.” I run out. Regardless of my heart now running faster then before I look for Lilly. She standing in the kitchen facing away from the entrance. “Fuck! Lilly are you alright? Let me see you? Are you bleeding?” When I grab her shoulders and turn her around she staring down at the unfolded piece of paper. “What!” We make direct eye connect. “Call Steve, and Dustin. You passed your GED Eddie.” I stand there frozen in time. 

“Eddie?” “EDDIE?” I hear Lilly voice pulling me from the ether. “Did you hear me?” Lilly asks. My mouth moves, but nothing comes out. “What’s wrong with you?” Lilly questions. “I just… are you… let me see the paper.” I make grabby hands towards the paper. I read through the words. ‘Mr. Munson. Congrats you’ve passed your GED test with a Eighty-Five percentage. You will receive your diploma in the mail in two - four weeks. Congrats from the state of Indina.’ A few names are signed at the bottom of the paper. “You gonna call Steve, and Dustin now right?” 

I grab my phone, Lilly had helped me ages ago relize that I could call both Steve, and Dustin at the same time in the same facetime call. I clicked Steve’s name, and then Dustin. Steve answered first, “What’s up Eddie?” I was still amazed even now how he know it was me, then Dustin came into the call. The screams of the kids in the background. “Steve, Eddie?” Dustin sounded as if he had been screaming, and shouting for days now. “I have… Lilly and I have important news.” They wait, “I graduated… I mean I passed my GED!” 

The excitement must have taken a minute to get through the phone and into their thick heads. “HOLY SHIT!” I heard Dustin shout out with excitment. Then Claire and Beth telling him that he can’t say naughty words and he’s gotta drop a few quarters into the swear jar. “Are you serious Eddie?” Steve asked. I shook my head. “Congracts dude. Are you…” “Do you want us to throw you a celebration!?” Dustin says cutting off Steve as if time hadn’t changed from when he was a kid. “Robin might kill me if we don’t celebrate with a dinner out.” 

I hear Lilly giggle. And I see her nod her head from the place I sit in the living room. “What are you thinkin’ for dinner then?” Dustin asks. “No you guys can’t come with us.” Dustin says to his kids. “Mexican?” I say both to the people on the phone, and to Lilly. Lilly answers with a nod, and then in agreement Steve and Dustin nod. “We can do the new few days. Christmas is coming up soon.” Steve says. The mention of christmas makes Dustin kids go wild on the other side of the phone. “I’ve gotta go.” 

With that Dustin ends the call, and then it’s just Steve, and I in the facetime. “I’m proud of you Eddie.” Steve says. Wherever Robin is it can’t be at the Harrington home. “Thanks dude. Means the world.” He smiles, “I’ll let you get back to your girl. See you soon then.” Steve says and the calls ends. Lilly pokes her head out of the kitchen. “He called me ‘your girl’ Eddie.” Repeating Steve words. “Yeah, I mean. You are, aren’t you?” I question her. I’m not questioning her love for me, just how comfortable she is with it all.

She speedwalks back to the living room. Her legs slotting over mine. Her knees hitting my hip bones. Thigh against thigh. She’s right there in front of me. Sometimes I forget that she’s really real. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop I wait and wait, yet nothing ever happens. “Eddie! Of course I’m okay with it. Hell I’m more then okay with it. I love it.” Lilly mutters as she leans to have her head rest against the curve of my neck. My hand absentmindly rubs up and down her back. “Good, cause your my girl always.” 

The days pass, getting closer to christmas. Before Christmas though is a celebration dinner. In honor of me… the thought of that makes me pause even for the shortest of moments. It’s supposed to be a party. A dinner party at some mexican restaurant that’s not in town. “Are you gonna get dressed soon Eddie?” Lilly asks, poking her head out of the bathroom door. Her hair is in section, and a burn smelling whafts from the bathroom. “I can’t go in this?”I motion down to my boxers, and ratty old shirt. She rolls her eyes, “No you can’t wear that. You’ll get caught for indesnect exposer.” Lilly is serious. I get up and walk into the bathroom. The room had never been big enough for me when I was a kid, but there’s something about the small space. I put my hands around her wasit. “Maybe we say fuck the dinner. I’ve got all I can eat right here.” I whispered in her ear. Her cheeks grow red, and she pushes me away with her ass. I slap her ass hard as I leave the bathroom. She sheirks and I smirk as I search for dinner appropriate clothes. 

I shift through a few different outfits. Yet a part of me wants to go bother LIlly just once more. I poke my head out of the door frame. Music is blaring from the bathroom, and the door is closed. She’s singing and dancing around the room. I pick out a black dressser shirt, and the only nice outing jeans I’ve got. The cold weather I’m not really in the mood for holes in my jeans. “Lilly, you almost ready?” I ask as I walk past the bathroom door in search of my heavier work boots. “UM… in a few.” 

I lace my work boots up. Grabbing both a heavy winter jacket, and the car keys. Snow has stopped falling, but that doesn’t mean it’s not freezing outside. The cold hit my face as I open the front door. I just wanna get in the car, and have some heat running through it before Lilly and I leave for dinner. The engine turns over, and I leave the keys in the car. “Do I look good?” Lilly asks. She’s beautiful. A black dress that covers to her mid thigh, stockings that cover the rest of her legs. “Fuck you’re beautiful.” 

She blushes, grabbing her coat, and purse. She takes me keys and locks the front door. “Do you want me to drive?” She asks. I shake my head, “To hell if my girl is driving. Go be a passenger princess.” I say. She stares at me for a moment. “I think we need to take your internet access away.” She mutters as she gets into the warm car. “No that I don’t enjoy being a passenger princess.” She says as she get settled in her seat. “You need directions Eddie?” She asks. I nod. “That would be helpful my lady.” 

The drive to dinner isn’t to long, or to hard to get through traffic. I had texted Steve back a few days ago and asked how we all wanted to get there. His words were. “Robin and I will get there before you, Dustin and Suize are coming without the kids. Be there by eight.” He said. I nodded my head, and shot him a thumbs up. Now we were driving to the restaurant out of Hawkins. Because even now there wasn’t much in town besides family owned shops, and the schools. I pulled the car into a parking spot. 

I see Dustin car parked a few spots away, and then Steve cars is next to his. I look over at Lilly. Grabbing her coat, and her purse. I take the key with me and jump out. I make sure I’m right there on the passenger side of the car. Grabbing her door handle and opening her door before she can. “A passenger princess you are.” I say when she goes to roll her eyes. Regardless she grabs my hand and we walk in sync to the front doors. Hispanic music is plays lowly as we walk in. “Over Here!” 

Dustin and his wife sit next to each other. Steve, and Robin sit together. The booth is in the back of the restaurant. The hostess walks to the both with menus in her hands. ‘Lilly, Eddie!” Robin says as Lilly slips and then I close off the booth. “How’s the drive out?” Steve asks me. “Oh it was fine, besides other drivers.” He laughs and I look down at my menu. The food all sound. Lilly rests a hand on my thigh. “Congrats by the way.” Robin takes a sip of her drink. “Thanks Rob. I never thought ya know.” 

The music fills the silence around the table. “What are you looking at for dinner babe?” I ask in a hush voice. “I don’t know I’m still looking at the drinks. I don’t know if I should get anything though.” Lilly says back. Her eyes never leaving the sticky menu. “Get a drink babe. Remember you’re a passenger princess.” She giggles softly, resting her head on my shoulder. The waiter comes over taking our orders. Lilly does end up getting a drink. “You guys are love sick puppies.” Dustin says. “Oh yeah cause we aren’t.” Suize says to her husband. 

Dustin and Suize gift me a graduation card of sorts. Steve, and Robin take care of the dinner bill. We have lot of laughs as we sit and eat dinner. I like the fact that as we walked in Lilly and I are together. As we sat Lilly and I were close, burning, searing into each other skin for everyone to see. We ate dinner, and when it was all over. Dustin and Suize left to relieve their babysitter for the night. The four of us stayed. “You guys should come over after Chistmas. I need a night without kids.”  

“Robin is always asking for us to come over.” Lilly said as we got into the car. Passenger princess mode was always enabled. I closed her door, and walked over to the driver side. The engine turned over. As I backed out of the spot Lilly continued to talk. “She’s always inviting us, you think she ever get’s annoyed with Steve?” He question makes me laugh. “I may have not known them long before, but if they’re still together now. I most definitely agree with your thinking darlin’. Steve is still a cocky even now.” Lilly laughs closing her eyes. 

By the time we got back to the house Lilly was out cold in the passenger seat. So I turned the car off, unlocked the door, and grabbed Lilly from the seat. Picking her up bridal style I walked her in through the door. Kicking it closed with the back of my foot as I had done with the car  door. I took her all the way to the bedroom. I slipped her out of her heels, and coat. Grabbing a make-up wipe from the bathroom. I cleaned her face, and got into night time clothes. I did the same. 

Another cold, and sucky day when I woke up. But with Lilly in my arms it was always good. Her hair was everywhere, but she always looked beaitufk like this. Mouth slightly open and her lashes sitting on her cheeks. “Such a pretty girl.” She was always a deep sleeper so I was able to kiss her forehead and get out of bed with out her noticing. I got dressed, and knew that christmas was to far away. I was in desperate need of christmas shopping. I grabbed a coffee to go, and got on the road to the mall. 

The mall is fucking crowded with people. Mothers who are in desperate need of gifts for the little kids they have. I had done some extra work. Like Mrs.Knoll side walk needed to be cleaned off snow, so I offered to help her with that. She ended up giving me a tip, and regardless if she noticed it or not she gave me a hundrend bill. Then shooed me away. Work at the Auto body shop had been slow, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t saving money for this. I walked to the same shop Lilly took me to. 

The people in that store were just so different. Nerdy, geeks that wanted to help anyone. At first nobody said anything to me and I walked around the simplistic store. “Has anyone helped you today?” A young girl asked me. I shook my head. “Well are you looking for anything specific?” I walked over to the laptops. “I need for something for my girlfriend.” It had been the first time I had called her that out in public, the women shook her head. “What color does she like. We have Grey, midnight, silver, beige” The women went on and on. 

“Midnight is just fine.” I said to the women. “Alright sir, if you just follow me to check out if you’ve got everything you need. I did follow the women to check out. The price didn’t durpise me, as I took out the credit card to pay for it all once. The transaction went through, and I left with gift number one for my girl. I walked around some more. Lilly always said she didn’t need more clothes, so I kept my eyes open. Then the jewlery store hit my eye. Beautiful cut diamonds that shined under fluorescent beaming lights. 

I was gravitated towards the small ring at the entrance of the store. A man came over real quick. “Sir, can I help you?” He asked. “I need something for my girlfriend.” I said looking up at the older man. “For christmas, or something like an engagement ring?” The man asks me. I stand there still for a moment. If I got her something just for christmas that would be cool, but that thought of making her my wife. That was quick, but to hell with it. It was a classic Eddie to fast thing to do with my life. 

“A ring.” Finally answering the man. He walks away guiding me towards a section of small cut ring. “Do you have her size.” I take a wild guess. “Alright sir, we have some wonderful cut diamonds over here in that size.” I stare at  the diamonds rings under the light. “What type of girl is she? If you don’t mind me asking.” The older man asks. “She’s simply, kind, the type of women that would make a wonderful mother.” The words fall out of my mouth. He smiles, and point down to a simple gold ring. “Here’s a perfect one.” 

The man pulls it out of the glass case. Gold ring with a big diamond in the center and two smaller diamonds off to the side of it. “She’ll like this one,” “How much I ask?” He looks down, this is five hundred dollars, but with Christmas specials being here. It’s been cut down twenty-five percent.” “So?” “Three hundred and seventy-five sir.” I stare at the ring. “Pack it up.” I pay for the ring and leave the mall with two of the most expensive I’ve ever bought. Driving home, I hope that Lilly will enjoy her laptop, but worry about the ring. Maybe it’s all too fast for her and even me. When I pull up to the trailer, and park the car. I take a second for getting out. I unpack the ring and stare at it some more. The wild guessing of whether or not Lilly would be okay with all of this. Goes out of the window. “She’ll love it regardless,” I say to myself.

Completed on: 07/02/23

Posted on: 07/03/2023

The Adults- @yourfavdummy @mothermirkwood

[thewriterowl]

Din defending Luke against bullys, abusive boyfriends, the all world is my jam.

Can we have some of your incredible headcannons about it?

:D saaaaame (though there is so much that is my jam...oh man i have so many things I love with this couple):

Luke has had just one of those lives where nothing goes well for him...it's like he's cursed for hate when he is so soft and giving and just wants to love and maybe get love in return. But cruel people sense his tender heart and just tries to use it for their own gain and he just has no idea what else he could possibly have.

to make it extra tragic, they meet as adults, either late college age or "working" age (so extra adult? dunno) and Luke has just had this tired life of sadness but he is just still so good and caring and forgiving to everyone else but himself but he doesn't open up or trust very easily. Still, when he meets Din something in him starts to clench and he's so confused.

They may meet at work or through Grogu. Maybe Luke is with someone his abusive family set him up with, or maybe he is just stuck with his abusive family, or maybe he is starting to get free on his own but he had to start from the ground up and he has pretty much nothing. He won't complain because it is better than where he was but it is still stressful.

Din is this beacon of light that he had never experienced before and is too afraid to reach out for. Din, the caretaker he is who has gone through some tough stuff as well and has his own adopted traumatized (but doing loads better thanks to him) son, can feel it and knows that Luke needs him.

So he starts to pursue Luke but gentle like. He brings Luke hot chocolate in the mornings (maybe Luke works as a bartender or server at Din's restaurant) when he comes in after walking blocks in the cold and has him sit and drink it, warming up in Din's office where there is a nice heater. He plays favorites with Luke and on days he can tell Luke is just struggling to breathe let alone stand up, has Luke stay in the back to maybe do dishes with warm water or help him with paperwork (none of the co-workers complain because Din is a great boss and little Luke really needs the break). Luke is studying to complete his schooling (either GED because his foster-family took him out of high school or college because they refused to let him take it) but has no time to really work on his assignments and Din helps him by letting him study in the office on breaks or helping him if he does understand something. He lets Luke babysit Grogu for extra income (though sweet Luke offers it for free). Soon starts picking Luke up to take him to and from work so he didn't have to leave so early and walk so far in terrible weather.

Din gives Luke soft touches, slowly introduces endearing pet names, feeds him whenever he can (because it does not look like he eats enough) and offers to take him out often. Soon he starts to give him little gifts; nice pens, scarves and gloves, a cute tumbler for his hot chocolate, etc.

Luke is just so lost.

But that's fine. Din is going to win him over slowly. The poor little one deserves it and for sure needs it.

Eventually, Din gets Luke to open up and learns that his life has been filled with tragedy and hate and abuse...

And huh, would you look at that, the near indestructible item in his hand has just been crushed and his vision is almost completely red. Would you excuse him, baby Luke? Daddy Din needs to go talk to old contacts from his less than legal/nice life.

If an abusive ex of Luke shows up Din will not even try to play nice and calm. He'll step in between them, pushing Luke behind his back, and his normally grumpy but warm face just goes scary insane and full of dark rage as he hisses out, "run."

Anyone who sees Din in such a state runs after pissing themselves.

Luke never has any idea why the people who were once so terrifying to him no longer bother him. But he appreciates Din so much with it.

And Din just continues to do it. He scares of anyone unsavory sniffing around Luke. He has punched some teeth out for him. No one knows for sure except for Boba, Paz, and Cara but he has potentially killed someone for Luke as well.

And you know what? More sugar daddy elements.

Soon, Luke is showing up to work and not working, much to his confusion. He just gets put in the warm office with snacks and hot chocolate, dinner served to him, as he watches over Grogu and studies...and gets paid.

Soon they get together, though it is still soft and slow for Luke, and Din is beyond happy to just have this darling man as his.

[anxiouspotatorants]

heyy first off im obsessed w your account and the underdog quartet but also i feel like, with your new jess/paris playlist post, we need to acknowledge paris and jess’s first interaction when paris went into luke’s diner in “Richard goes to stars hollow” they had a very subtle interaction but he was clearly memorable enough to her to remember him and his name. I wonder if whenever paris when to stars hollow in the future she would look for jess what do you think

Thank you so much for this ask and the kind words!!! I’m obviously obsessed with UQ too, so finding more people who love that dynamic is just amazing!

Also yes we only had about two direct interactions between Paris and Jess but holy shit was the platonic chemistry there!! Paris bothering to remember him is something I would love to take as a sign that she was a Jess gal (especially since if you combine that with Keiko Agena saying she and Lane are team Jess, that means all my faves support my ship!)

Now for Jess and Paris specifically, I could honestly give you three different types of answers for this. First is that ASP and company didn’t feel like exploring that dynamic, so Paris probably doesn’t think about Jess or seek him out in the future, especially not after Rory’s break up. But that take is boring so let’s go for wild headcanons!

The second approach is on the more realistic side. I bet that Paris would avoid bringing up Jess every time he popped into her mind in front of Rory, but she would be too desperate to finally have that decent conversationalist to not bug Rory about him. She probably wouldn’t head over to Stars Hollow of her own accord considering how disappointed she was with the research results for that article, but she would ask about when Jess could come over to Hartford so she could rip his literary takes to shreds at a nearby cafe or at the elder Gilmores. Once Jess and Rory were a couple, Paris would double down on her requests but probably only have them met once or twice (Jess has work, Rory still has a tendency to compartmentalize parts of her life etc.). Post-breakup Paris would take Rory’s side, but secretly be sad to see a potential friend go. She probably felt like this guys really could be something, not just for Rory who seemed to finally get decent taste in boys, but for Paris who was finally starting to get more true friends. She carries a secret team Jess torch for the rest of the series but hides it in general criticism of any and all guys Rory is involved with.

On to approach three, aka balls to the walls whatever I want!! Hold on to your hat because this will be a long and windy ride:

After the diner-meet, Paris is intrigued by the guy who played along with her interrogation and eye-flirted with Rory. She doesn’t think she’ll see him again, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t want to.

After the dinner at Rory’s, Paris is honestly elated to finally have a great literary conversation with a guy her age. The only one to have come close is Rory, and that doesn’t say much for the «opposite sex» in Paris’ eyes. But she’s also furiously disagreeing with Jess’ «Austen loves Bukowski»-take, so she writes a whole several page argumentative essay and forces Rory to deliver it to Jess the next school day.

Jess responds not with a letter, but by having Rory hand Paris an annotated («blasphemy!») copy of a Bukowski work. There are no arguments from Jess notes, just underlines of quotes he thinks Austen would approve of, and excerpts from different Austen works put in the margins for comparison. Paris despises him for how much she is seeing his point.

At some point Rory get’s sick of being a carrier pigeon and drags Paris with her to ST after school so the two can fight in person. All three stay until Lorelai pops over for dinner, and Paris realizes she needs to haul herself over to the bus. She’s hungry and worried about the time she should have spent on homework, but ultimately really happy about the day.

She’s bummed to see Jess go after the car accident, but doesn’t have much time to think about it between school and… well, school. She does end up being one of the few Rory can talk to about Jess without getting the whole «bad bad boy»-speech she gets over in ST and at her grandparents’.

Rory doesn’t tell Paris Jess is back until the very end of their Washington trip when Paris finds the unfinished letter and Paris is boiling. She does cool quickly, but only to constantly bug Rory about when the three of them are going to meet up again for coffee and verbal war. Rory gets so stressed about it that at some point she gives Paris the number to Luke’s and tells her to go on her own for all Rory cares.

Paris does. Jess is surprised, but they get in the groove quick. What doesn’t go as smoothly is Paris asking what the hell is going on between him and Rory. His non-answers pretty much spell everything out, and in a rare moment of comradery, Paris decides to turn the conversation in to hating on Dean. Jess appreciates it. It doesn’t happen again, but Paris firmly puts herself in the team Jess camp from then on.

Paris is releived once Jess and Rory finally are together and it is great! More cafe talks! Study sessions! Movie nights! They even sneak both Paris and Lane out into concerts! Paris feels like for the first time in a very long time, she has real friends her own age. The kind who actually like you for you and want to spend time with you for you, not just to get better grades or a better reputation.

Paris sucks at being strong for Rory when Jess leaves. Like, she takes it really personal. This was supposed to be the one good guy, and he decided to be just like everyone else. But with time she learns to coach Rory into speaking her mind about the whole thing, and to support her in her own Paris-y way.

What she doesn’t tell Rory is that at some point after summer break (either because she gets hold of Jess for some scolding or because Lane does and spills to Paris or even if Jess gets in touch himself) Jess starts sending Paris beat up books he collects on the road around the country. None of them feature letters (at first), but annotations at the beginning declaring his safety and momentary location, as well as his general style annotations of the book inside the text. Paris starts responding with letters, and with time they start talking on phones and through email.

Paris helps Jess with his GED. They make it an equal study-buddy thing because Paris needs help taking certain writers seriously in her essays. Most of their sessions are over the phone, and a lot of it is just them daring each other to actually try. Paris gets actual stars on her improved essays, and Jess passes with flying colours.

Paris doesn’t know about Truncheon until Jess stands in front of her place ages later, dressed like a Kids Bop version of himself and holding a messengerbag with his debut novel. Paris tears through it in two hours (forcing Jess to sit on the couch next to her the whole time) and then spends another half hour furiously trying to tear it to shreds but actually praising it. She gives him their first hug ever, and hopes this afternoon is a sign they’ll slowly get back to being close friends in person.

Paris sucks at hiding how team Jess she is. So. Much. She does have genuine critiques of Logan and other guys, but her gut-defenses of Jess at random times in the day and weird reminiscing back to the «good old days» of diner talk after school gives her away immediately. Rory is uncomfortable, but Paris doesn’t even change her mind after Rory still picks Logan.

What she does do is invite Jess over for grown up evenings with Doyle. Whenever Rory is scheduled to be out and Jess needs to visit Luke anyway, Paris extends her invitation. They test wines based on price and taste, watch cult classics, eat takeout (in honour of Paris’ very first Mac and Cheese night) and talk for hours. One day wires cross and Jess gets in while Rory is there/Rory gets back while Jess is there and things get awkward.

Paris invites Jess to the graduation. Yes she has a limited amount of tickets and yes it’s weird to invite your friend who has barely been around ever but damn it she wants him there. He came to her when he was celebrating his accomplishments, she wants him to be there for hers.

They actually grow even closer as adults; emailing, texting and calling regularly. About 70% of it is general banter and picking on everything and everyone around them, but it’s a far more loving kind now — not that anyone who isn’t them would know, from the outside it looks like they want to kill each other. Regardless of outcome, Paris remains forever team Jess, and the two end up having each other’s backs for life.

So this went long and away from the point (and I only went through Paris’ pov!) but it was fun to write! I hope you like rant answers!

[zeldahime]

cql college/job au xiyao edition

because these two have the potential to be the slowest of slow fucking burns and extremely excruciatingly painfully perfectly polite at all times

featuring: ta/student very-much-not-a-relationship, enough ust to set the entire humanities building on fire, corporate espionage, nie huaisang being the sneakiest and sweetest slytherin, background wangxian, nie mingjue being a boss, intense eye contact, let lan xichen say fuck, meng yao stress hours, WERE YOU ONLY PRETENDING TO BE DELICATE AND POOR, summer internship, background wangxian

it got uh. very long. so. 

meng yao starts working for nie enterprises when he’s 16 as a part-time janitor. he has two other part time jobs and is studying for his ged.

one day he solves some kind of problem that nie enterprises is having and nie mingjue likes this guy and promotes him to his personal assistant on the spot

nie huaisong is always flitting about his brother’s office etc, and they become friends and meng yao helps him with his homework.

when huaisong is getting ready to go to small posh private university, he will definitely need tutors. mingjue is happily persuaded into converting meng yao’s job into full-time huaisang babysitting tutoring, including paying for yao’s tuition and room and board to get a degree himself; his job is to make sure huaisang gets good grades and not in trouble. meng yao sees this for the golden ticket it is and very happily agrees. this is going to be the easiest job he’s ever had, and he’s got job security as long as huaisang doesn’t mess up too badly.

first day of classes, meng yao is 22 and looking around at the 30-odd 18-year-old trust fund babies with a sinking stomach telling him that he does not belong here.

this is a philosophy and ethics class like. in a literal ivory tower. this is possibly the last place he should be. 

and the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen in his life walks into the room with the professor. and he’s introduced as “and this is our TA, lan xichen.”

lan xichen smiles at the room with the kind of look that makes it feel like he’s making eye contact with everyone. and then he makes real eye contact with meng yao. “he’s attractive as hell,” they both think, and then think nothing of it.

but, it’s a small class. and it meets 3 times a week. and lan xichen shuts down someone who pokes at meng yao’s age, and meng yao asks questions perfectly tailored to making sure that huaisang and the other students actually understand the material. and by the end of week 2 they’re both saddled with an extremely unfortunate crush that they both need to get a handle on. for professionalism’s sake. they’re at work goddamn it.

and one day meng yao comes to office hours to ask a question that’s much more advanced than what they’re talking about in class, and in lan xichen’s tiny ta office talking about ethics, they are exceptionally and perfectly polite and appropriate and within the exact bounds of a ta-student relationship.

they are also both about to catch on fire.

this continues all school year, because it’s a two-part class. meng yao comes to office hours, and he and lan xichen are stringently appropriate the whole time, and at no point do they so much as brush fingers. they see each other every single day. 

huaisang thinks this is 1) absolutely hilarious and 2) the perfect distraction. he wingmans the hell out of meng yao in class, he third-wheels on office hours specifically to make it worse, and he arranges “chance” meetings between them outside of class. (he got some details about lan xichen’s daily schedule from wei wuxian, who he is eternally surprised is actually somehow getting information from lan wangji the silent wonder)

(he’s not getting it from lan wangji; lan xichen is wingmanning his little brother. the info wei wuxian is passing on is straight from the horse’s mouth.)

nie huaisang thinks he’s being very clever and sneaky in arranging his classes and portfolio to make it look like he’s just taking electives when he’s really planning on switching to a fine arts major at the last possible minute

he is being clever and sneaky, but meng yao knows what he’s doing anyway

meng yao is keeping that ball up in the air as long as he can though, because that’s a later-problem. 

in addition to falling in extremely professional love with his ta, his asshole dad has also come out of the woodwork and is trying to involve him in corporate espionage. which is less than super great. 

on the one side, asshole dad who hasn’t supported you in 22 years and didn’t care when your mother died when you were 16 and pushed you down the stairs because you had the audacity to ask for help, who will gladly frame you even if you don’t help. on the other hand, your boss, who has treated you well for a boss, but has explicitly told you your job depends on keeping his little brother as out-of-trouble as possible and who you don’t think will believe you

in this au, he’s solidly with the nie clan because: Golden Fucking Ticket, where the strings are “don’t let huaisang fuck up too bad,” and where “fuck up” means like. drunk driving or failing a class. he’ll probably even keep his job after huaisang’s art degree reveal. all dear old dad is offering is a jail sentence.

but he still needs to somehow convince jgs that he’s double-crossing nie enterprises without actually doing that, so that he doesn’t get framed for doing it.

it’s stressful.

lan xichen’s life isn’t roses and pearls either, though it’s not nearly as stressful as playing double-agent corporate espionage while also babysitting huaisang and getting a degree

lan xichen’s life is all about being the Dutiful Eldest Son so that lan wangji can have an inch of freedom

this includes becoming a corporate accountant (a job he’s bored just thinking about) and marrying a Good Girl From A Respectable Family (he is extremely gay), and eventually having 2.5 children and a white picket fence and a dog (he’s a cat person and doesn’t know what to do with children). he tells himself it’s all for lan wangji and it’s almost enough to make him want to do it.

being the ta for his thesis advisor’s philosophy and ethics class was supposed to be his Fun Indulgent Treat because he has no idea what “fun” or “indulgent” or “treat” mean

but now he’s in love with one of his students and that’s. not. good.

he’s all of 21 and he’s pretty sure he’s going to be blacklisted from all jobs for his entire life unless he manages, somehow, to keep anyone from knowing how entirely unprofessional he’s being. 

he is trying very hard to distract himself from his gayngst by helping wangji with his own. 18-year-olds can be so oblivious in love, he thinks, failing to see any irony at all.

he’s also been telling his bff mingjue about this extremely painful experience this entire time, under a pseudonym. if mingjue has to hear one more word about “Y”’s dimples, he’s going to scream and then he’s going to force Y into a closet with xichen and not let them out until they’ve solved this. he’s very tired.

at one point when he’s about to pass out from extreme eye contact, he gives meng yao his number so that he can “pass it to nie huaisang, in case he has any questions” and just. prays really hard that meng yao will text him after classes are over and he’s back to just being a grad student and they can be friends.

BUT. BEFORE HE HAS THE CHANCE. IN THAT TIME BETWEEN FINALS ENDING AND GRADES BEING TURNED IN.

lan xichen begins his summer internship at nie enterprises in accounting. and meng yao returns to fill in for an admin on her maternity leave. and they see each other in the break room. 

both of them: *internal gay screaming* Hi, what a coincidence, how are you doing? 

(boys, you are in different departments, nobody cares if you date as long as you don’t start fucking on the desks. they don’t know this because they’re young and very concerned with being Professional and with Career Advancement.)

they have Very Professional lunch together every day. and will buy each other coffee, Professionally. and it would be much more professional if they would just actually make out and then come to work like normal people instead of clearly wanting to make out every time they see each other and instead being Very Incredibly Professional with their words and actions.

mingjue clues in that this is Y. meng yao is Y. Oh my god, first i didn’t want to know that, second this is going to be so easy, and then i’ll never have to listen to xichen wax rhapsodic about his eyes again, he thinks.

he is incorrect. 

the harder he tries, the more vehemently perfect their professionalism becomes. which means he’s watching them have extremely intense eye contact at work and can’t actually say anything about it because, it’s just eye contact? what is he going to say? stop looking at people when delivering tps reports?

he also can’t say anything outright like “just. kiss. him.” because. he’s both of their Entire Boss. at the moment he’s xichen’s boss’s boss’s boss. he can’t do anything without probably violating sexual harassment laws.

mingjue is tired.

meanwhile the corporate espionage double-agent act is still ongoing and meng yao continues to be stressed

mingjue is alerted to meng yao “stealing” secrets and has a freak-out; he hasn’t slept in three days and he trusted meng yao and how could he? was this his plan all along WAS HE ONLY PRETENDING TO BE DELICATE AND POOR

xichen steps between them and insists there’s a reasonable explanation and jesus christ mingjue have you slept when was the last time you’ve eaten you look terrible let’s get you to bed and talk about this in the morning

(meng yao doesn’t realize that he’s clutched on to lan xichen’s suit until after he releases it and lan xichen is trying, very hard, to pretend that it didn’t happen because he won’t be able to think of anything else if it did)

xichen, immediately after mingjue is in huaisang’s care: i believe you, but what the fuck is happening, yao.

(if he wasn’t so rattled by the entire mingjue-reaming thing yao would be able to savor lan xichen saying fuck sooooo much better.)

(once yao explains it is a strain not to kiss him right then and there in that empty conference room but he deserves better than lan xichen, who can’t bring anything to the table and can’t even bring him home to eat at his table, because he is the Dutiful Eldest Son and his closet needs to be made of motherfuckin steel)

(huaisang knows exactly what the fuck is up and talks mingjue down, because meng yao is sneaky but he wasn’t counting on huaisang like. actually caring.) 

this is also the exact same day where lan wangji brings wei wuxian home for dinner and this goes. as well as might be expected. given Uncle hates everything about wei wuxian from his motorcycle to his leather to his attitude. but wangji is happy and he’s smiling and that’s why lan xichen is doing this. that’s why lan xichen is doing everything. 

the next day the 3-zun make a Plan to trap jgs and then get them audited by the irs, since if he’s doing shady espionage stuff he’s also almost certainly doing shady tax stuff (they’re right, he is)

after the internship is over, that very evening, lan xichen asks meng yao if he wants to “hang out, as friends”

oh, you thought this pining dysfunctional trainwreck was going to end here? buddy. lan xichen is in fucking narnia, he’s so deep in the closet, because he must be Dutiful.

they go on several not-a-dates doing Friend Things. and several study sessions where no studying is done. and eventually.

lan qiren: so when are you introducing me to your boyfriend? he seems like a good kid, nothing like that wei wuxian character

lan xichen.exe has stopped working

lan qiren: what, do you think i’m blind? he either is your boyfriend or he should be. good head on his shoulders. *returns to his newspaper*

turns out lan xichen’s self-sacrificial bargain with the universe was borne from a place of living in a heteropatriarchy and not actually from the reality of his uncle’s beliefs, who knew

(lan qiren loves his nephews and wants them to be happy. he also has eyes, in his head, that connect to his brain. he knew xichen was probably gay by the time the kid was 14, and started reading books with titles like “how to accept your gay son” in the living room. xichen assumed this was about wangji, because he also has eyes and wants his baby brother to be happy. wangji bringing a boy home was actually a big surprise to his uncle. this family does not actually talk to each other about things.)

anyway the next friend-not-a-date that he and yao go on, he asks yao on a real date.

he is bracing for rejection when yao kisses??? him???? for some reason?????

they make out &c. this is the boring part

they have a conversation about their feelings and discover that they’ve both been in love for a year a YEAR a fucking year. then they make out some more because lost time.

fin.

[philcmena]

「natalia dyer & demi girl」⇾ carmichael, philomena, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that she/they are a taurus and 20 years old. she/they are studying wildlife science, living in noland and can be whimsical, patient, apathetic & unpredictable. when i see her/them i am reminded of the gentleness of decomposition, dancing naked around the flames, and whipping wind in your hair. ⇽「james & 21 & est & they/them.」

here’s my second !! baby child i love a lot ... much kinder ... a bit odd .. love of my life ... a classic ... a favorite ..

TW CANCER, TRAUMA, DEPERSONALIZATION / DEREALIZATION DISORDER ( ALT. DISSOCIATION ), DEATH, DECAY, MAGGOTS.

aesthetic.

wildflowers in your hair and bare feet against moss, binoculars and maps, madonna beating out of half-dead speakers in a half-dead van, whipping wind, jumping off cliffs and rolling down hills, a bandaid wrapped around each finger, cryptic bumper stickers and cryptids in the woods, facing the sun and letting the rays hit you, counting stars late into the night, dancing naked in the woods with nothing but fire to light your way, mismatched socks and lucky ribbons, hoarding a box of special treasures, shoplifting and diner-dashing, bleach against roots, pink sweaters paired with ripped fishnets and slip dresses with knock off uggs, willingly wearing crocs, glitter stickers, fungi and feeling one with them, lying down and decomposing, they’ll find us in a week. they’ll find us in a week.

basic info.

full name: philomena brontë carmichael

nickname(s): philly, phil, mena, etc.

b.o.d. - april 20th lmao !!

label(s): the amaranth, the halycon, the neophyte, the wanderer, etc. etc.

height: 5′4″

hometown: woodside, ca

sexuality: demisexual !!!!

pinterest ( & her family pinterest b/c they’re my most developed family uwu)

stats

inspired by: luna lovegood (harry potter), orla mccool (derry girls), cassie ainsworth (skins), alice (alice’s adventures in wonderland), amelie (amelie).

biography.

a middle child belonging to christopher and imogen carmichael - two stanford professors. christopher specialized in british literature whilst imogen specialized in the classics. hence the name.

the order of siblings goes as such: lysander, elektra, juno, philomena, and twins orion & valora. the deal was that everybody had a greek (or in juno’s case, roman) first name and a middle name inspired by a piece of british literature circa 1800s and under. a family of nerds, if you will.

so, clearly - right off the bat, their parents are … eccentric. they’re both in love with their respected topic, and with each other, and with their kids. the carmichael family is a happy family.

they each have their own quirks and whatnot - though philly’s always been particularly dreamy - even as a child, she’d spend hours watching clouds or caterpillars or the leaves blow in the wind rather than play with other kids. she wasn’t a shy kid - she just had her own interests.

hardship doesn’t hit the family until philomena is five and starts having splitting headaches. they’re slow at first - but as soon as she’s seeing spots and unable to walk in a straight line, doctor appointments are made.

it doesn’t take long for them to discover the tumor, though the official diagnosis of malignant ependymoma comes a month later.

it’s grade ii but slow-moving, small enough to not be as much of a threat as worried, but big enough where removal is necessary. philomena earns a scar and brings it in for show-and-tell. for two months afterwards, philly’s at radiotherapy monday through friday.

they’re lucky - philomena’s considered cancer-free by the next year. she’s babied at first - handled delicately, as if she could break if touched - but with five other children … it doesn’t last for too long.

and life continues as normal.

her personality doesn’t shift much over the next few years - she’s awfully independent for a kid, and awfully quiet - when she speaks it’s about faeries and bigfoot, about how the sky is so blue and if you listen quietly, you can hear the leaves whisper their secrets to each other. this is not odd.

she’s close to all her siblings, but she idolizes her older sister - elektra. elektra’s six years older and dyes her hair whatever colors she wants. elektra bought a knife off a seedy guy downtown. elektra threw away all of her heels and renounced god. elektra is god. her music is loud but it’s not heavy - it’s florence and the machine.

they’re opposites - elektra’s boisterous and feels loudly, philomena’s softer and feels…less. when elektra sneaks out, philomena keeps watch. they are a duo.

philomena is smart - but she’s fifteen and hates school. hates sitting inside all day. hates the same routine - day after day - it’s all the same. her parents’ routine is the same, philly feels contained and she wants to live.

elektra’s twenty-one and just bought a brand new spanking (used but not falling apart) 19-something volkswagen … van - using her entire savings account. she says she’s tired of routine, she’s leaving the next day.

naturally, philomena stows away in the back and isn’t discovered until they’re two states away and she’s got to pee. elektra nearly crashes the van in shock.

it’s an argument - philomena vs. elektra, then them vs. their parents, then their parents vs. the school, the state - it’s an ordeal. philomena switches to an online program in the end.

it hurts christopher and imogen - lysander’s not having any of their nonsense, juno’s betrayed and alone - the twins are twins. in the end, it’s alright. the carmichael family is a happy family.

philomena and elektra take their time - it’s not a road trip, it’s their new life, permanently on the road. they stop and explore often - they do odd jobs in whatever town they settle in. they dine-n-dash, they shoplift. they survive in their own way.

during particularly desperate times, they two resorted to identity theft & credit fraud - getting away with it only by ditching the cards once they’ve made it out of state.

she drops out of high school officially when she’s seventeen - they have to drive all the way back to california to deal with the wrath of their parents and to deal with paperwork, but it’s done. philomena doesn’t know what path she wants in life - but it’s not that.

it’s during this time that the episodes occur - philomena’s outside her body, philomena’s wrapped in cotton, her memories are not her own. she’s looking in the mirror and she doesn’t recognize herself. they take shelter in a city for six months, long enough for her brand spankin’ new therapist to figure out what’s wrong with her. she’s diagnosed with depersonalization / derealization disorder - they think it’s stress. philomena doesn’t get stressed. they think it’s trauma. she laughs - she never laughs.

there is trauma though, deep-rooted but somewhere inside - you just have to look for it.

you. just. have. to. look. for. it. look for it. look for it. look for it look for it look -

you were ten and she was thirteen, an off-trail hike in familiar woods in a familiar town, safe and familiar. it was your idea, to stray from the carved out paths, down creeks and up hills and round, and round again. you’re the one who spotted the scarf first, sticking up from the dirt and dancing in the wind like the beginning of reincarnation. it was not reincarnation, it was discovery. it was ruin. with curiosity drawn, you skidded down - with compliance, followed juno, followed your sister - clumsy in her steps and tumbling down quicker than you. you saw the corpse, but juno felt it. decaying flesh and maggot.

and she left juno, just like that - just five years later, when juno had finally gone to the end of her wits. philly up and left. abandoned her.

philomena and elektra leave the city after that therapy session. they do not return. she’s always been good at hiding her secrets.

three years later and her parents want philly to have a higher education - desperate for it, really - worried for her future. it’s a battle that she loses, getting her GED and applying to a local college in florida in shameful compliance.

they’re there for a year until philly gets (expectantly) expelled from the community college & the two of them are banned from the town they’d residing in up until that point. they don’t talk about it - but boy, was it one hell of a time.

they found refuge in lovell, a town that seemed to suit them well - it suited elektra’s desire to travel up and down the east coast, and it intrigued philomena enough to the point of her being content with staying. soon after, philly officially transferred to radcliffe for the fall semester & they’ve been here since!

UPDATE: another summer update! very simple ... she n elektra traveled the states again, as they always do ... like clockwork. had to be dragged back to radcliffe (doesn’t like staying in one place for too long) bt also <3 likes a lot of people here n brought them all souvenirs. it ws very nice! nothing bad.

personality.

she’s quiet but she’s confident - her voice sounds like rustling leaves, if leaves smoked a pack of cigarettes a day.

often underestimated - philly’s petite and looks like she’d fall over if a plastic bag blew too close to her. she’s independent - for the most part. elektra is the only person philly takes orders from.

has always been considered odd - weird, strange. still talks about the trees as if they’re listening, as if they’re old friends. she’s vague and doesn’t elaborate on the things she says.

believes in pretty much any superstition you throw her way. luck is very important to her. if you ask her if the earth is flat, she’ll say probably. believes strongly in bigfoot and the lochness monster. has personally seen aliens, and loves ghosts almost more than herself.

she can be amusing - whether you ‘get’ her or not, her outlook is often bright - she talks about the negatives the same way she talks about the positives. can be seen as naive or gullible, but she’s plenty smart. even if half of her education has come directly from google.

philly doesn’t laugh. a smile, yes - often, in fact - not always reaching her ears, or bearing teeth - but these are not indicators of her happiness. philly is consistently content. she thinks many things are funny - she still will not laugh.

her voice is often monotonous - she doesn’t sound dreary, she sounds far-away. her voice carries. her emotions are often unknown to others.

is apathetic in most situations. she’s hard to bother - she’s incredibly patient and enjoys the company of most - tolerates them at the very least. it’s hard for her to express her emotions, because she feels them so little that it’s very nearly not worth it. her affection is not verbal - it’s small touches and gestures of kindness, love in her own way.

is a fan of knock-knock jokes and bad puns. she won’t crack a smile while telling you them, nor does she expect you to laugh. she just enjoys them.

she owns a motorola razr covered in puffy stickers - hasn’t ever had a smartphone. she’s a fan of emoticons. her favorite is :o)

has a lot of bruises and scratches and scars - she’s often getting herself into pickles. there are always, at the very minimum, three bandaids on each hand.

she has insomnia, so she’s awake often. is often seen wandering town - even when she shouldn’t be, even when it might be dangerous. her intuition is delayed. when she does sleep - her dreams are vivid and fantastical.

keeps a box of memories - sentimental bits and pieces she’s picked up over the last few years. there are a lot of buttons and postcards, but any teeny tiny object will do.

her style changes every week - most, if not all, of her clothes are thrifted. one week she’s baby spice and the next she’s lydia deetz. she combines pieces from different styles often - she looks like a barbie clothed by a child. she feels most comfortable like this.

will either patch-up the clothes that get too worn or reuse them in some way. sometimes donates the clothes she gets tired off - isn’t minimalistic, but she’s learned to keep only a small amount of possessions.

the only consistency is her lucky ribbon - it’s pastel yellow and silky and as thin as a shoelace. she ties it onto her outfit of the day, everyday. if she loses it, she’s lost. elektra has a matching ribbon.

has no problem with minor theft - she only takes bare minimum, puts herself and elektra first and that’s how it’s always been. she tries to be good while in lovell / radcliffe - would hate to be forced out by mobs with torches and pitchforks

currently living in noland while elektra stays in their van, florence - sometimes philly stays there during the weekends.

they used to live in motels on the occasion, the cheapest room, and more often than not they’d both go home with strangers for a comfier bed and a hotter shower.

it was a common occurrence - she didn’t sleep with them - but somehow, she weaseled her way into their homes anyway. has come out mostly unscathed, on most occasions. this has been a practice ever since they’ve been on the road.

really, truly - has not slept with anybody, had her first and only kiss at thirteen with a frog. this doesn’t bother her.

will consume a n y t h i n g you put in front of her - isn’t picky.

listens to whatever they’ve picked up along the way but she likes instrumentals the best. her second favorite genre is 1990′s and 2000′s top hits. they’re nostalgic for her. third favorites? florence, of course. fleetwood mac. the bird and the bee.

loves storms - will go out in the rain and will risk her life for it.

owns a pair of roller-skates and is often skating rather than walking. unless she’s on grass - then she’s walking barefoot.

has many hobbies, and gets bored of them often. her favorite hobby is welding. she’s not certified.

also, juggling.

also, accordion.

the kind of girl who’ll do any job you give her. odd jobs are her favorite jobs. babysitting is her least favorite - but she does it anyway. has lost children before. have they ever been found? not by philly.

dyes her hair blonde often and cuts her own hair - bangs included - finds it cathartic, likes the itchiness of bleach.

everything she does is often in pursuit of feeling free, alive, and meaningful.

( like her frequent visits to the woods, late at night when the moon is high and full. it’s freeing to dance around a fire, stark naked in the cold. builds immunity )

comes and goes wherever she pleases, nothing & nobody can stop her (besides elektra). has befriended the campus witch, or as much as the witch will allow, and shrike as well. she knows to respect nature, and abandoned sites - she’s practically free to explore as she wishes, her only pride is the trust she’s gained.

the trust expands to animals as well, she has a certain knack for getting them to like her. has too many ‘pet’ rats that reside with her, alongside a baby raccoon & a few crow pals. has a new animal companion everyday, but she doesn’t contain them or force them to stay.

leaves her window in noland wide open because of this, because her window is conveniently right besides a tree with sturdy branches. good for animal smuggling, sneaking in and out, hiding, etc. etc. world is her oyster.

though her room in noland is ??? frankly a mess ??? already ??? usually keeps most of her possessions in her memory box but she’s also turned her room into a mini labyrinth of knick-knacks. very cozy, but very nest-like. think of howl’s room from howl’s moving castle.

wanted connections.

random encounters… it’s only her second semester at radcliffe, she hasn’t met everybody yet i’m sure

random encounters…in the wild… alternately, people she’s met before in a different part of the country. whether she’s stolen from them or crashed at their place, or simply shared a dinner. anything goes!

unexpected sleepover… someone whose place she crashed at after a mysterious night. a party, adventure, etc. etc. maybe they don’t even remember her staying over, maybe she hadn’t been with them to begin with.

employers… she does a lot of odd jobs! knows how to make a lot of things in many different mediums just to earn a small living.

friends… y’know … people who enjoy her presence, likes her oddness. they may not understand her, but they appreciate her. or maybe they do understand her, in their own way!

not friends… philly doesn’t consider anybody an enemy in the slightest, but some people may not be fond of her … think she’s a little too strange, or they refuse to understand her, or something of the likes.

closing in… someone trying to get closer to her, trying to figure her out on a level deeper than what she would like, and she keeps slipping out from between their fingers every time.

mom friend mom friend mom friend… older sibling figures! dad friends! take one look at philly and instantly want to swaddle n protect her.

caught red handed… someone catches her stealing or about to dine-n-dash. do they care? who knows!

late-night shenanigans… they just walk and talk at night … very relaxing … not actually very shenanigans filled…

a dealer… because she wasn’t born on 4/20 for nothing. she’s not turning 20 on 4/20/20 fr nothing. don’t fail us.

debating conspiracies… or superstitions, really anything. maybe they’re frustrated at her apathy surrounding all situations.

no likey… :( they distrust her. probably fr good reason tho … i don’t blame you

thrifting pals… no explanation needed methinks

an eventual hook-up… maybe … possibly … it’s questionable, but it could happen! can’t stay a virgin forever! (or well. she cld. we’ll see!) she’d probably have to trust yr muse a lot though

unrequited romance uwu… probably unrequited on her end because she doesn’t usually think of anybody in a romantic sense - it’s possible, but you’d have to be something special for her to like you back. that being said …

something returned… eventually, slowly. slow. it’ll take time.

maybe something returned !! eventually. slowly. slow.

n like rly anything u want !! anything u can think of i am here 2 fulfill … we can brainstorm all sorts of wacky scenarios!! she’s a thief! she’s an accordion player! she dances naked in the woods! she’s been in the circus AND a small utah county jail!

[ft-dads-au]

All I See Is You

Gratsu Weekend 2020 Prompt: Absence Pairing(s): Gray x Natsu, Erza & Natsu A Collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​

AO3  | FF.Net | Takes place after Caught Up In You

February 7, 2021

Natsu was a mess. There was no other way to describe it. He’d taken the first part of his GED test the previous day, and even though he’d been told he might receive his results as soon as three hours after the exam ended, no such thing had happened.

Although Gray had reminded him time and time again that he should do his best to relax, that even if he failed it was no big deal, Natsu had still spent a good fifteen minutes freaking out at finally finding himself in front of the testing computer. Somehow he’d managed to get through it to answer all the questions as best he could.

At least he’d had work the previous night to keep his mind off it, but now nothing was preventing him from stressing out about his results. It was around noon when his phone finally notified him of a new email, and he saw that it was from the testing service.

With a shaking hand, he opened the app and read the email, his mind not really comprehending what it said. Natsu read the email for a second and even a third time to make sure there was no mistake. That he couldn’t possibly be reading it wrong. He was still having trouble believing what he’d read, so he looked for his sister, who was in the kitchen baking cookies with the kids.

“Erza, can you tell me what this email says?” Natsu handed her the phone and looked at her shyly.

His sister gazed at him in puzzlement before looking down at the screen. She read the email and put the phone down carefully before squealing loudly. Grabbing his hands in hers, she jumped up and down pulling him along with her just like she used to when they were little. “You did it, you passed!”

“I really passed?”

Erza nodded, somehow transitioning from mid-jump straight into a hug, “I’m so proud of you!” She ruffled his hair roughly, and while it would typically annoy him, this time, it only made him laugh.

“Daddy, you did it!” Hana cried excitedly, jumping into his arms for a hug, while Atlas contented himself with pulling on his pants until he picked him up with one arm, holding both kids against him. He grinned at them, kissing them before putting them down to continue their baking with Erza.

He walked over to the shrine they had made for Lisanna and lit the candle they had bought with her favorite scent, lavender vanilla.

He knelt down and looked at her picture, feeling the familiar hurt at not being able to see her again.

“Can you believe it, Lis? A dummy like me somehow managed to pass the first test,” Natsu chuckled, “Math no less. I had help, though. Remember Gray, my friend I told you about? He helped me study for it, wouldn’t let me give up. I still have to pass three more tests before I can get the certificate, but this is sort of already more than I thought I’d be able to do. Things are starting to look up for me, but uhm, I still miss you, we all do.”

Natsu smiled at the picture sadly before blowing out the candle. He wanted to tell Gray about his score, but after all the work they had put in, he wanted to tell him in person. This was his victory too!

“Erza?”

“Yes, I know, you want to go tell Gray,” Erza responded, “Go ahead, thank him for me too!”

“Thanks!” Natsu called out, hurrying out the door before the kids asked to come along. He drove to Magnolia Bean and bought an iced coffee since, for some reason, that’s what Gray drank all year long and headed to Lyon’s apartment.

He parked in one of the visitor’s spots and entered the building, or fort as he liked to call it. It had ample security, and Natsu submitted to the usual metal detector, and pat-down search as the guards rang Lyon’s apartment to see if he would be allowed upstairs. There were cameras everywhere and armed guards doing rounds with dogs. He’d heard from Gray that they had a room where they checked all incoming mail for signs of tampering or chemicals. He knew Lyon and Gray felt safe there, but to Natsu, it kind of felt more like a prison.

He was escorted to the apartment, and Gray was already waiting for him outside the elevator. They waved at the guard, and Natsu handed Gray his coffee as they entered the apartment.

“Why does Lyon live here again?”

“He was threatened at gunpoint by the ex-husband of one of his clients,” Gray deadpanned.

“For real?!”

Gray nodded, leading him past the living room where Aki was watching cartoons with Lyon and into his bedroom. Natsu noticed that there were several half-packed suitcases open on the bed.

“Did you get your email yet?” Gray asked, and from the way he was studying him, Natsu could tell that he was trying to guess the results from his behavior. He was tempted to act as though he’d failed, but he was too stoked to pull it off.

Instead, he pulled his phone out and showed him the email. He could see Gray’s lips move as he read it and grinned when he saw the pride settle into his features.

“You did amazing!” Gray exclaimed, shaking him lightly by the shoulders, “If you had gotten a few more points, you would have been able to get some college credit!”

“We did amazing, there’s no way in hell I could have done it without you hounding me,” Natsu laughed, “I actually feel like we could nail this!”

Gray’s smile withered, and he sat on the edge of his bed, “Listen, there’s something I’ve meant to tell you for a few weeks, but I wanted to wait until after you’d taken the test.”

Natsu could feel a sense of dread growing within him. Nothing good could come from that statement.

“I, uhm, I won’t be able to study with you for a few months,” Gray spoke in a soft voice, “I have to go back to Crocus for a while.”

“But why?” Natsu felt like pleading with him, the thought of not seeing Gray for months affecting him in ways he hadn’t expected.

“Well, Siegrain, that’s my ex, is claiming that I kidnapped Aki and am keeping him from seeing his son. The court there is demanding I return to answer those charges as well as show evidence that he abused Aki.”

“I’m sorry, did you say he abused Aki?” There was rage working its way through his veins, but Natsu tried to hide it, now that Gray was finally trusting him he didn’t want to ruin it by overreacting, but the idea that anyone would lay a hand to Aki was enough to make him see red.

Gray nodded, “It was one of the many reasons why I left.”

“What about you?”

He could see Gray startle at his words and realized too late they had come out in a deep growl.

“You know what? Why don’t we go for a walk?” Gray offered, and Natsu found himself agreeing quickly. He didn’t care where they went, he just wanted to learn what had happened and who to point his rage at.

Gray walked out of his room, and Natsu followed, trying to understand the intensity of his feelings.

“Natsu and I are going for a walk, call me if anything comes up,” Gray announced to Lyon, and although Aki looked up briefly, he seemed perfectly happy to just snuggle up with Lyon and continue watching television.

That simple act fed into Natsu’s anger even more. Aki had made so much progress since Natsu had met them, and he knew that would change as soon as he was moved from his home, for Lyon’s house was very much his home, as much a source of comfort for the boy as Lyon himself.

He could still remember how distraught and lost Atlas and Hana had been when they had made the move from Edolas to Magnolia. The nightmares, the nights spent sleeping in his room because they were afraid if they didn’t, he too would be gone when they woke up.

He didn’t want Aki to have to go through something like that just to feed some asshole’s ego. And God forbid he attempted to touch Aki again, Natsu wasn’t sure he could be held responsible for his actions then.

They had already walked out the front door when Natsu realized that Gray had once again not taken his coat, even though the February weather demanded it. Not only that, the idiot was still drinking his iced coffee.

Natsu’s chuckle remained lodged in his throat as he realized that he wouldn’t be seeing his friend for a while, only to be replaced by a sense of loss he was somewhat familiar with. Someone he cared about was leaving him again. He tried to fight it, reminding himself that wasn’t what was happening this time. Gray had no choice, if judges were calling for him, then he had to go or be arrested, but he still couldn’t fight the urge to try to stop him, or to follow him, anything to keep him near.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Natsu looked up to find Gray staring at him with a furrowed brow. He swallowed down his thoughts and attempted a shaky smile. “Yeah, just can’t get over the idea of someone purposefully hurting a child.”

Gray stared at him intently but soon shrugged, seemingly accepting his response at face value. As they walked outside, Natsu saw it had begun to snow, soft flurries that tickled when they landed on his exposed skin. Gray’s eyes immediately lit up, and Natsu had to smile as he watched his friend stick his tongue out to try to catch a snowflake.

He looks so beautiful like that, so peaceful, I wish he always looked like that…

Natsu was surprised by the thought, but he filed it away for later, wanting to once again focus on whatever it was Gray hadn’t felt comfortable sharing in the apartment.

“I love it when the weather is like this,” Gray commented, pulling on Natsu’s arm and nudging him to follow until they reached a playground he’d never noticed before.

“You’re going to catch your death, you idiot,” Natsu scolded fondly, although from what he could tell, Gray didn’t look cold at all.

“Nah, a little cold never hurt anyone,” Gray disagreed before dusting off a bench and sitting down.

Natsu debated whether he should do the same or not, knowing he had trouble sitting still when he was calm, let alone when he was agitated. And he was agitated, even from the little he had already heard.

“Sit down,” Gray demanded, “This is hard enough without watching you fly off the handle.”

Natsu grunted his displeasure but did as he was asked.

“In answer to your question, no, he never hit me. Although I have a feeling, it had more to do with not being able to hide his tracks than anything else. My body was always being photographed, so it would have been evident to others. With me, the abuse was more emotional, which is a lot harder to prove in court.

Natsu could feel Gray’s hands on his, and before he knew what was happening, his friend was trying to loosen his fists, which Natsu had yet to realize were clenched tightly next to him.

“I’m fine now,” Gray assured him, “I’ve been going to therapy for months, and it’s helping. I used to think everything that went wrong in our relationship was my fault, that I’d done something to make him not love me. But I realize now, that’s not what happened at all. That’s just what he wanted me to believe so that he could keep me under his control. Even Aki was a means to an end for him.”

“Aki? I don’t understand,” Natsu was confused by everything Gray was telling him. Keeping people under your control, hurting them emotionally? What did any of those things have to do with love?

Gray sighed, “I caught him cheating on me. It was as bad as any awkward movie scene you’ve ever seen. I walked in to find him balls deep in some other guy. He swore it was the first time, but I had been hearing rumors for years, I just-”

Natsu’s arms moved of their own volition, wrapping themselves around his friend in an embrace. It seriously felt like his body was working on automatic pilot as his mind raced to understand what his friend had been through, even as his own emotions flared just outside of his control. He could feel Gray’s body tense at his gesture before relaxing into it.

It was all so alien to him. If he were in love with Gray, he would never in a million years treat him like that. The idea of being unfaithful to someone he loved made him feel sick to his stomach. Natsu held Gray until he pushed against him. He let go, but the urge to protect him didn’t leave him.

“I guess I was just stubborn or conditioned or whatever but I was determined to make it work, we were married after all, and I sort of grew up thinking that’s what you did. So when he dangled the idea of having a child with me, I held on, and for a while, it was better. We interviewed surrogates, spent more time together, but once Aki was born, I guess it wasn’t what he had expected, you know? You remember how it is in the beginning, the crying, the constant need for attention…”

Natsu nodded, remembering those times quite well, and quite fondly.

“I loved it, loved Aki from the second I saw him in the sonogram, but Siegrain wasn’t the same. When Aki was born, he held him once and then handed him over to me. And that’s how it was from then on. I had to make sure to keep him quiet, his crying gave Siegrain horrendous migraines.”

Gray rolled his eyes at Natsu, and they both laughed.

“I’d wanted to believe things were better, but they weren’t, I was still working, and that plus taking care of Aki cut into the time I had to spend with him, and he started disappearing again. This time I knew what he was doing, but even then, I just couldn’t break it off. It was only when he started messing with Aki that I recognized I had no choice but to leave. I knew he’d never let me go willingly, so I got in touch with Lyon, and he walked me through how to get away and offered me to stay with him.”

“Do you - are you still in love with him?” Natsu asked.

Gray’s laugh was bitter, “Hell, no! I’ve actually begun to question if I ever was. All of this is just a big manipulation play by him. Siegrain never loved me. What he loved was the lifestyle I provided him. That’s what he wants back, not me.”

Natsu gaped at him, “Gods, I am so sorry, I didn’t realize you were dealing with all this.”

“Of course you didn’t, I didn’t want you to. Everyone around me walks on eggshells, worried about whether I might break. But you, you were in my face from the day we met, and I loved it. You, more than anyone else, make me feel normal. You’ve helped me want to get back to a regular life, which is something that Lyon and Rogue had been nagging me about for months.”

“That night at the bar, when you asked me to dance with you, it’s hard to explain, but you sort of showed me what real healthy love was like. Even though you were pretending I was someone else, you showed me more attention than my asshole of a husband ever did. That’s actually when I decided to go get therapy. I wanted to work on myself and maybe get to a point where I was worthy of a love like you had with Lisanna.”

“You always have been, you dumbass,” Natsu thwapped him on the head, “I’m sure the next relationship you’ll be in will be better.

Gray nodded weakly but kept his eyes fixed to the ground. A silence grew between them and before it could turn awkward Natsu broke it, “How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t really know. I figured if I’m stuck there, I might as well finish out some contracts I walked out on. I hired a friend as a temporary manager, and he’s sorting all that out for me.”

“You’re going back to modeling? But what about your school?” Natsu hated the way he sounded so needy as his stupid fear of being abandoned took over once again.

“I might take a few gigs while I’m there, I definitely need the money, and unlike Siegrain I know Hibiki won’t try to take it from me.”

“He was your manager?!” Natsu blurted in disbelief.

“He made it sound so reasonable at the time,” Gray confessed, and Natsu winced at how beaten he sounded.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

“No, you’re right. I made a lot of decisions I’m not particularly proud of, it’s another reason I hadn’t wanted to tell you anything.”

“Meh, you’re still doing dumb things, and I haven’t gone anywhere.”

“True,” Gray snorted, “Hey, can I ask you something?”

Natsu nodded absently, running everything he’d learned in the last few minutes through his head.

“Why are you so upset I’m leaving, is it just because of the test?”

Natsu shook his head, remaining quiet as he decided how much of his past he wanted to share with his friend, considering how much Gray had just shared of himself.

“The short version?” Natsu asked and when Gray nodded he began to count off on his fingers,” My mom died when I was eight, my dad abandoned us when I turned nine, then Gildarts came along and got us a new home before disappearing as well. Erza left home to go to college, and Lisanna ran away to Edolas. I got her back, but then she left me again,” Natsu couldn’t help the sadness that engulfed him. “It just feels like everyone I care about leaves me at some point.”

There was a glint in Gray’s eyes that he didn’t understand, but it didn’t seem like pity at least. “Well, I’m touched that you’ve placed me in such company, but unfortunately for you, I am definitely coming back, so don’t go replacing me just yet.”

Natsu just stared at the ground, and Gray moved until he was kneeling in front of him, “Hey, dumbass, I mean it. If I come back to find you’re baking Sting cakes, I’ll never forgive you.”

Natsu couldn’t help but snort at that, and once he started, Gray joined in.

They sat together for a while, watching the snowflakes whirling down from the sky in silence. The question that had been floating around in Natsu’s head finally came out, because as much as he hated to think about it, he wanted to know.

“So... when will you be leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning, we’re taking the first train out,” Gray responded, cradling his head in his hands. It wasn’t hard to see he was dreading the whole thing, “I have no idea how Aki is going to do with this. I’m not sure he even remembers Siegrain, he hasn’t seen him since before last April, and you know how he is with strangers.”

Natsu sighed, feeling terrible on Gray and Aki’s behalf. Aki wasn’t even three years old yet, and he had already been through so much, things that would break the heart of any loving parent.

“Hey!” Gray barked suddenly, “Don’t think this lets you off the hook, you better keep studying, I’m going to call and check on you.”

Natsu gave him a grateful smile, “Okay, but I might wait until you get back to tackle science.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Gray took his hand and squeezed it tightly. “I have to go finish packing, you coming?”

Natsu shook his head, “I should get back.”

They studied each other awkwardly before Gray pulled him into a bear hug muttering, “I really am proud of you. We’ll celebrate when I get back.”

They said their goodbyes, and then Natsu watched Gray walk away from him, wondering why it felt like his heart was stuck in his throat. He shook his head and walked to his car, deciding on a whim to make a quick stop.

0-0

Gray and Lyon had been about to board the train when they heard their names being yelled out somewhere behind them. They turned to see Natsu running towards them, a widely grinning Atlas sitting on his shoulders haphazardly, in a way that made Gray seriously worry for his safety.

He looked down at his watch to see that they still had about twenty minutes before the train was scheduled to leave the station, but it wouldn’t have mattered because Aki had already seen Atlas and was waving excitedly.

“Don’t take too long,” Lyon stated before grabbing their stuff and entering the train to save them some seats.

Gray muttered something in agreement, wondering what Natsu was doing there, considering they had already said their goodbyes the day before.

“Hey, thanks for waiting!” Natsu exclaimed in breathy pants. He set Atlas down only to have Aki grab hold of him, both boys chattering in a way that only they understood, and that made Gray’s heart ache, knowing how much Aki was going to miss his friend.

Natsu grabbed two items from his pockets. They were two boxes decorated with the name of Cana’s store.

“What are those?” he asked curiously.

“I went to Cana’s shop after we talked, I couldn’t stop thinking about Aki and I just- don’t laugh, okay?” Natsu looked embarrassed, but all he was managing was to endear himself to Gray even more. “I had Cana make a protection bracelet for him, so even if I can’t really help him from here, at least I’ll feel like a part of me is with him. She tried to make it look like yours, so he’d like it.”

“Natsu, that’s - I don’t even know what to say! Why don’t you give it to him?” He called Aki over and picked him up in his arms. “Uncle Natsu got you a present.”

“Pwesent?” Aki asked, eyes brightening up at the word, he peered at Natsu expectantly.

Natsu handed him one of the boxes, and Aki opened it, looking at the contents, “Like Dada!!” he cried out, bouncing in Gray’s arms. Natsu took the bracelet out of the box and put it on Aki’s wrist, adjusting it for size. The little boy smiled widely and tried to say thank you.

Atlas remembered his present and shoved a picture Hana had helped him draw of him and Aki at the little boy, who seemed equally excited by it as he did by the bracelet. The station’s loudspeaker came on, urging all passengers headed to Crocus to get on the train.

“I have to go,” Gray apologized, eyeing the other box.

“Oh, right,” Natsu shoved the box at him, much like his son had done earlier. “I got this for you, it’s a protection necklace. But you know, if your ex pulls anything, call me, and I’ll get on the next train and kick his ass.”

“That’s sweet of you to offer, but I’m a Taekwondo Master with about eight years of repressed anger fueling me. Trust me when I tell you, if he tries to touch Aki or me in any way, you won’t be the one he has to worry about.”

Natsu laughed heartily, “Glad to hear it, well uhm, I guess this is really goodbye.”

“I’ll be back,” Gray promised as he waved to them one last time, reinforcing his words from the previous day. The last thing he saw before boarding with Aki was Natsu trying to quiet Atlas’ tears.

I promise

He found Lyon, and after making sure Aki was settled, he opened the box to find a necklace with a sword pendant. The pendant had a stone embedded in it, and as he read the description of all the stone’s qualities on a piece of paper, he noticed there was writing on the back too.

He recognized Cana’s scrawl on the note that read, Don’t screw this one up!

Gray laughed. No, he wouldn’t, not if he could help it. He tried to enjoy the train ride as much as possible, thinking ahead to his return rather than what awaited him on arrival.

0-0

Natsu stared at his GED book with distaste. It had been about three weeks since Gray had left, and even though he knew he’d promised to continue on his own, he just wasn’t getting anywhere. Every time he looked at the damn thing, all he felt was this deep sense of loneliness.

There were no mocking insults when he got something wrong or grudging praise when he figured something out on his own. No coffee from Magnolia Bean or treats bought just for him. Even though Gray could be an insufferable jerk, always making him work his ass off before he was allowed to eat them, Natsu had always felt pride at being able to earn them.

When Gray left, Natsu had thought he wouldn’t have time to miss him too much, but he’d been wrong. Gray was both everywhere and nowhere all at once. Ads featuring him began popping up on the sides of buses, billboards, and pretty much anywhere he looked. The first week he’d managed to call a few times, giving updates on what was happening and letting Aki talk to Atlas, but the last call had been over two weeks ago, and Natsu found himself yearning to hear his voice.

Rogue had tried to warn him that Gray had been in high demand, and once he got going, it was going to be hard to get in touch with him. That there had been times, he’d wanted to scream at Gray’s voicemail, which had been the only way he’d get to hear his brother’s voice, especially when he rarely got a callback. But Natsu had wanted to believe that wouldn’t happen.

Apparently, he’d been overly optimistic. He’d tried calling a few times already, only to be faced with that very same voicemail and no return call. He hated feeling so needy, but somehow Gray had wormed himself into his life, and he hadn’t even realized it.

Studying together twice a week, playing with the kids, Dad’s Clubs meeting, showing up at Crime Sorciere with Lyon, and more recently doing things together just the two of them in the mornings after dropping the kids off at daycare but before his shift at Crime Sorciere began. It had gotten to the point where he saw the guy more often than not, and to go from that to nothing was difficult for him.

In some ways, it reminded him of how he’d felt when Lisanna had suddenly disappeared before he’d tracked her down to Edolas. Through it all, he could feel Erza watching him, although he wasn’t sure just what it was she was waiting for.

Lyon finally returned from Crocus and gave him a rundown of what was happening. The kidnapping charges had been dropped, but Gray and Aki would have to remain in Crocus for the time being. The visitations hadn’t gone well and were on hold for now. When Gray wasn’t working, he was attending depositions with Siegrain’s sleazy lawyer Deliora. Aki wasn’t doing too well with all the changes, and Gray was worried. Rogue was going to be going up to Crocus with the twins to try to help.

Gray was swamped with work. Apparently, he’d walked out on more contracts than he’d initially remembered, but he was doing alright. Now that he was back, a lot of campaigns that had been held back were being released, which is why his face seemed to be everywhere.

Natsu was grateful for the update, but it only aroused an even bigger need in him to see his friend, to listen to him and be there for him. Once again, he was reminded of his time without Lisanna, and little things began to connect in his mind.

It all came to a head when the dreams began. At first, they were innocent. He and Gray taking the kids to the playground like they’d done countless times. Sitting on a bench and talking while the kids ran around. It was a sweet dream, it comforted him, making him feel like he was with his friend at least for a little while, and Gray looked so relaxed. It always made him smile.

Then the dream began to change. They were still at the park, the kids were again running around, but now Natsu was bringing Gray’s hand up to his lips and kissing it, while Gray responded with a lazy smile. That was a little more confusing for him, but he liked that smile. It made him feel warm all over, so he tried not to overthink why he would be kissing Gray’s hand in the first place.

The day soon came where he was confronted with the image of Gray in bed with a woman, eyes fierce and a seductive expression on his face, his body only barely covered by the sheets. It was an ad for some perfume, and Natsu had never hated anything as much in his life as he hated that ad. Hated the way it made him feel to see Gray like that but also hated that he couldn’t get it out of his mind.

It made no sense, it was just a stupid ad, it wasn’t even real, so then why did he feel like Gray had somehow betrayed him. Like all the air had been taken from his lungs. His mind instantly went back to his dream, the one where he had kissed Gray’s hand, and suddenly he found he really couldn’t breathe.

He got home from work, thankful that it was a Tuesday night, and he didn’t have a night shift at Fairy Tail. He outright refused to go to the Dad’s Club meeting, and although he could see Erza wanted to fight him over it, she remained quiet. His mood only got worse when after putting the kids to bed, she asked if he’d seen Gray’s new ad. Her tone had been breezy, but her eyes watched for his reaction, probing him, and he suddenly understood why.

She had known, had seen right through him for months, but instead of talking to him about it, she’d let him figure it out for himself. He wasn’t sure whether he felt grateful or angry. Right now, all he felt was confused and guilty. Lisanna hadn’t even been dead a year, how could he even be having thoughts like this?

“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s wrong,” he seethed, moving over to Lisanna’s shrine and kneeling in front of it after lighting the candle, but it didn’t feel right. For the first time since she had died, it felt like he was clinging to her to hide, and it made him angry with himself. She deserved better than that from him.

“Natsu,” He felt her hands on his shoulders, “It’s okay.”

“No! It’s not,” to his great embarrassment, he began to cry, and he heard Erza sigh.

“Come on, we should talk about this somewhere else,” she blew out the candle and tugged at his arm, trying to get him to stand up. At first, he fought her off, not wanting to discuss anything about what he was feeling, but he gave in eventually, knowing she’d have no problem dragging him to wherever she wanted. She really was scary sometimes.

She sat him down in their breakfast nook, going into the kitchen and soon returning with some hot cocoa and a box of cookies. He tried to get himself together while she was gone, but he couldn’t seem to stop sniffling.

She sat down across from him, handing him a tissue from the box they kept in there. “This was going to happen eventually.”

“But it hasn’t even been a year!” Natsu protested, “It’s not right, it’s not fair to-”

“To whom? To her? Natsu, she’s gone. Do you really think she would want you to mope around forever? To give up your whole life to her as some sort of tribute? Lisanna wasn’t like that, and you know it.”

“I don’t even know what this is,” Natsu groaned, “I’ve never, ugh!”

“Had feelings for a guy before?” Erza guessed, giving him a small smile when he reluctantly nodded, “Yeah, that’ll throw you for a loop the first time. I felt the same the first time I found a girl attractive.”

“I don’t find guys attractive though or women really,” he puzzled, “I don’t look at people like that, I don’t understand, I only ever felt like this with Lis.”

“When Dad left, you refused to give up on him, remember?” Erza swept his hair out of his eyes, just like she used to do when he was younger. “You claimed he was coming right back, and you’d fight anyone who said any different, including Gildarts. You held on to that belief for years.’

She looked at him seriously, “But he never came back, and that messed us both up. Even though we were lucky enough to find a new home, I don’t think either of us really trusted that the same thing wouldn’t happen again. Lisanna managed to get past your defenses though, she got you to see her, and you fell in love. And now Gray has done the same thing.

“You’re only twenty-six years old, Natsu. Your life is just beginning,” Erza’s gaze was kind but stern, “You’re going to be grieving your loss for years to come, and that’s only natural, but there’s nothing that says that you can’t also try to move forward and find love with someone else.”

“This is all so confusing, I can’t handle this,” Natsu murmured, feeling the tears flow once again.

“I know, sweetheart,” Erza rose from her seat and pulled his chair out, enveloping him in an embrace and letting him cry.

“But you know, you’ve already let him in,” Erza let go of him, smiling at his confused expression.

“What are you talking about?”

“The moment you baked him that cake for his birthday, whether you realized it or not, you were acknowledging him as yours. That’s when I knew for sure that you had feelings for him, I’ve just been waiting for you to catch up,” Erza’s eyes twinkled with mirth, “You always were slow.“

Natsu frowned at her remark, deciding to let it go considering there were more pressing issues demanding his attention. “What do I even do? I don’t think I’m ready for anything, and what if he doesn’t feel the same? And what about the kids, what if they hate me?”

“They’re little, they’ll be happy if you are. You’ve done everything in your power to keep Lisanna with them, certainly more than Dad ever did for us, and I don’t see that changing. And they both like Gray and Aki quite a lot.”

Natsu started to say it wasn’t the same thing when Erza interrupted him, “Just talk to him and be honest. I have a feeling he would appreciate taking things slow given his own situation.”

“You really think he feels the same?”

“Natsu,” Erza made sure she held his gaze before declaring assuredly, “I know he does.”

Natsu thought that statement was scarier than his own nascent feelings.

“I need to think about this,” Natsu hedged, still not wholly convinced that he should do anything.

“Of course you do, it’s a lot to take in,” Erza acknowledged, her eyes never leaving him, “Admitting how you feel is only the first step, and you have plenty of time to figure it out. All I’m asking is that you don’t dismiss the possibility out of fear or guilt. You deserve to be happy too, you know.”

Did he? Did he deserve to move on? When Lisanna couldn’t? For the first time since Gray had left, he welcomed his absence, needing time and space to figure all this out before they saw each other again. But as he drifted off that night, he couldn’t help but hope that he would see Gray in his dreams and that there at least, they could maybe move forward.

[coyotestarcraft]

Update

Hey guys! Coyote here.

First, I am not dead, I’ve just been busy, I’m up in Georgia staying at my aunts house and now at my cousins.

Second, I haven’t had the motivation to draw, but now I think I have my motivation to draw. I also have been in a tough spot with school.

I’m dropping out of online school and getting a GED book to study so I can get a diploma and education. I’ve been feeling like a failure and been feeling the need to cry because I’m so stressed and exhausted. I’ve also been eating less and starting to lose weight and which I am so proud of myself.

The thoughts I have will never go away, I know that, I’ve always had self-doubts about myself and I’ve never proud of anything I do, but when it comes to my art, I’m always proud of that.

Thank you for reading this and I hope you all have a nice day.

[omgjasminesimone]

Juvenile Delinquents Part 2

Previous Part: Part 1

Next Part: Part 3

Author’s Note: I just moved, and I currently have no internet, which seems like the perfect time to work on my many unfinished fanfics! So this is unedited because I had to go to the library to post and it closes soon, but hope you guys enjoy!

Word Count: 3600

“Sanchez, you’re up.” A guard calls out gruffly. Logan nods, appreciatively taking the payphone offered. Logan tries to remember the number he’s supposed to call in this situation. He’s not calling the shop. Right now, the police currently have nothing definitively tying him to the Mercy Park Crew, and nothing trying the Mercy Park Crew to the unassuming Kaneko autobody shop located in South LA. So, this is a situation for Kaneko’s burner cell phone.

Logan tentatively dials in the numbers, not quite remembering if the last digit was a 6 or an 8. He really hopes he’s not blowing his one phone call.

The phone rings several times, before an unfamiliar voice picks up.

“Hello?” The voice calls impatiently.

“Umm… is this T. K’s phone?” Logan asks, knowing this conversation is no doubt being recorded.

“Who wants to know?” The voice is suspicious.

“Logan.” He replies, narrowing his eyes as he leans against the wall, trying to turn away from the other inmates in line for the phone listening in.

“Oh, Pop’s former protégé.” The voice mocks. “Thanks for getting yourself locked up. Opened up a spot for me.”

“Colt.” Logan growls. He’s never met Kaneko’s son, but from what he’s heard from the crew that must be who he’s talking to.

“What’s up Logan. How’s juvie?” Colt returns.

“That’s enough Colt.” Logan hears Kaneko admonish his son in the background. There’s a slight shuffle as the phone is handed over. “Logan, what did they book you on?” Kaneko asks.

“Public endangerment. Speeding. I’m looking at three to four months.” Logan had been surprised at the leniency of his sentence. But as his public defender explained, he wasn’t driving the stolen car. The police couldn’t prove he was actually in the Mercy Park Crew, not beyond a reasonable doubt. So, they could only charge him with what they knew he was guilty of.

“Glad to hear it. I knew the juvenile courts would be lenient.” Kaneko responds.

Logan absently tugs on the phone cord. “So, what happens when I get out? Can I come back?” Logan asks worriedly.

“Of course, Logan. I’m not one to abandon someone who’s loyal to me.” Kaneko insists.

“What about Colt?” Logan questions. For someone who doesn’t abandon those that are loyal, Kaneko sure seems to have replaced him pretty quickly.

“Colt is finishing out his senior year here, after being expelled from his high school in Texas, but he’ll be heading to college by the time you are released. Your place is secure.” Kaneko reassures.

Logan doesn’t 100% believe Kaneko, but he’s currently in no position to question anything he’s told. “Did you guys get my car?” He asks, treading back to lighter waters.

Kaneko chuckles. “We did. X picked it up, and Toby has already started on the repairs.”

Logan lets out a sigh of relief. He was more worried about his precious Devore GT than his own injuries. He’s been in jail overnight, and the bleeding has mostly stopped. But he still has a bandage wrapped around his forehead.

“Sanchez, times up.” The guard warns.

“I’ve gotta go. See you in a couple of months.” Logan hangs up as the guard shuffles him into the waiting line for transfer. He’s headed to the juvenile facility today, processing now complete.    

He’s shuffled onto a bus with several other juvenile delinquents. They already seem to be jockeying for position, trying to prove themselves the biggest, the toughest as they shove and fight for seats at the back of the bus. Logan ignores them, taking a seat up front as the guards try to call for order.

A fist is thrown in back, and the guards rush back to break up the fight as the teenage boys yell out and egg the combatants on. Logan leans back in his seat, eyes closed. This is going to be a long couple of months.

When they arrive at the juvenile facility located fairly far inland an hour later, the boys are taken to an orientation of sorts. The guards force Logan and the others to strip as they check them for weapons. It’s dehumanizing, but Logan has had worse experiences. Like when one of the girls in the group home got lice, and then the administrator cut all their hair short, threw away all their pillows and bedding, and made them all submit to lice inspections.

Logan is given a grey sweatshirt, a grey t shirt, and unflattering grey sweatpants. But he tells himself at least it’s not orange as he tries to focus on the bright side. Once they’re all dressed in their grey jumpsuits, they’re forced into a single file line as they head toward the dormitory portion of the facility.

Logan is surprised to see a line of girls being walked past them to a neighboring dormitory. One of the young female guards seems to note his surprise. “Budget cuts. Weren’t enough girls to justify a separate facility, so they just tossed them in here. As if our jobs weren’t hard enough.” She grumbles. “Alright inmates, keep moving!” She shouts once the girls have passed by.

They’re assigned to their rooms. Logan’s roommate is a boy named Gabriel Hernandez. Gabriel asks if he plans to join the Latin King gang, and Logan emphatically says no. Gabriel stresses that Logan will need the protection, but Logan says he’ll take his chances.

…

Part of being in juvenile detention means that they’re all forced to go to class, something most of them probably don’t do on the outside. The teacher is a volunteer, and although she obviously means well, she’s clearly ill equipped to deal with juvenile delinquents. Most of the class spends the time sleeping, while the few who are awake are disruptive and make it almost impossible to learn anything.

Despite the setbacks, Logan tries to work through the handouts diligently without instruction. If he has to be here, he might as well do something productive. Maybe he can even test for his GED.

…

It’s a full week before Logan earns yard time for his good behavior. He has been good, keeping to himself, going to class, doing his work, reading to pass the long hours locked in his cell. It’s already starting to get monotonous though, and Logan is itching for a break in the routine.

He’s walking the track when Eleanor jogs up to him. She’s also dressed in the facility issued grey jumpsuit, but she’s rolled up the sweatpants at her waist, making the fit more flattering. She’s tied the t-shirt, exposing her midriff in a way that’s very distracting for a teenage boy who’s been surrounded by nothing but other teenage boys for the last week.

She smiles at him. “Logan, we meet again.”

“Eleanor.” He returns, and her nose wrinkles.

“No one calls me Eleanor except my Dad when he’s mad at me. Which is most of the time now-a-days.” She lets out a short laugh, and he feels the corner of his lips curving into a smile. It’s been a while since he heard anyone laugh, let alone anyone with a laugh as melodious as her’s. “My friends call me Ellie.” She informs him.

“Are we friends?” He questions as she falls into step with him, making slow progress along the track.

She smirks at him. “I have a feeling we’re going to be. Besides, you definitely need someone to show you the ropes around here.”

“And you’re a veteran, right?” He asks.

Ellie smirks. “Tour number 3. First time, I just got a week for shoplifting. Which I think normally wouldn’t have even gotten time, but my Dad was trying to scare me.” Ellie rolls her eyes. “The second time was for check fraud, when I tried to cash my dead grandfather’s social security check to put down a deposit on an apartment. That time I got a month, which I think would have been longer, but my Dad pulled some strings. But now he’s done pulling strings apparently, and I’m looking at 6 months for selling prescription drugs at school. Which doesn’t that seem unfair to you? They’re trying to discourage my entrepreneurial spirit.” She spits out all this very personal information flippantly, to almost a complete stranger.

She stops suddenly, standing in front of him to prevent him from continuing with his slow walk. “So, now that you know my story, you owe me yours.” She insists.

“But I didn’t ask for your story.” Logan argues.

Ellie smirks. “But you wanted to know.” She counters, stepping into his personal space, almost as if she’s going to kiss him.

“Wheeler, do you want to go back inside? You know the rules!” A guard shouts irritably, coming towards them from the basketball courts.

Ellie rolls her eyes and steps away from him, putting approximately a foot of space between them. “Ughh, the one foot between boys and girls rule. It’s 6 inches for same sex, which seems kind of stupid when you consider how many more same sex relationships happen in jail.” She mutters.

“Seems like it would have been easier to just keep the separate facilities.” Logan murmurs.

“Budget cuts.” Ellie reiterates what the guard told him. “There aren’t enough bad girls to justify a whole facility.”

“You’d think with your rap sheet you’d be able to single handedly keep that female juvenile facility in business.” Logan jokes, and to his relief Ellie doesn’t seem offended based on her laugh.

“Too bad they’re not all like me.” She says flirtatiously, winking at him. She stretches up to put her hair into a messy bun, and his eyes fall unbidden to her pierced belly button which is exposed from the action.

“You’re trouble, aren’t you?” He breathes out softly, raising his eyes to look into her twinkling brown orbs.

“Only the good type of trouble.” She insists.

…

“Hey.” Ellie greets as she sits next to him at his previously completely unoccupied library table.

She startles him out of his studying. “Hey.” He returns.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks, glancing at his open algebra textbook.

“Math.” Logan responds shortly. He’s not really annoyed with her, although that’s how it might be coming off, he’s mostly embarrassed. Over the last three weeks of being incarcerated with her, he’s learned how smart she is. He’s sure she’s never had to study basic college algebra, it probably just came to her completely naturally.

“So, I’m guessing you didn’t get one of the few competent juvie teachers then?” Ellie questions, sounding sympathetic.

“She’s nice, but I don’t think she’s cut out for juvie teaching. She’d be better at kindergarten.” Logan answers.

“What are you having trouble with? I can tutor you.” Logan looks hesitant to accept her help, so she adds. “Come on, it will look great on my Langston College application.”

Logan leans back in his chair and looks at her curiously. “Langston College? Isn’t that super competitive? You don’t think your record is going to get in the way of that?”

Ellie waves off his concern. “Juvenile records are sealed, so they won’t know. I intend to be good once I turn 18.” Logan looks at her skeptically, and Ellie laughs. “What?! I can be good! I was good for 14 whole years.” She insists.

Logan grins. “I’ll believe that when I see it troublemaker, but I could use your help if you’re offering. Let’s start with systems of equations, I’m totally lost.”

An hour later, Ellie has managed to teach him what the volunteer teacher has been unable to get him to comprehend over the three weeks he’s been in her class.

…

“How’d you get an iPod in here?” Logan asks when Ellie shows him her contraband item a few weeks later as they sit on the bleachers, halfheartedly watching the basketball game going on during yard time.

Ellie grins at him, looking awfully proud of herself. “I have my ways.” She answers.

Logan glances out at the guards patrolling the yard. “You could get in a lot of trouble for that.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. “They should have more important things to worry about. Like gang violence. How am I hurting anybody by listening to a little Justin Bieber?”

Logan just shakes his head, smiling at her fondly. “Of course, you’re a Bieber fan.” He says with mock disgust.

“Oh yeah? What do you listen to? No, let me guess.” She gives Logan a long look, as if she’s deciphering him. It honestly makes him a little uncomfortable. “Something not well known, you’re one of those ones who’s all proud of liking a band before they become big and popular. Hmm…. RINI fan?”

Logan’s eyes widen. “How could you possibly guess that?!” He wonders.

Ellie smirks, shrugging nonchalantly. “I’m very observant. I have ‘Meet Me in Amsterdam’ on here.” She holds out an earbud to him, waving it at him in a tempting manner. “Come on, you know you want to.” She sing-songs.

Logan shoots another look at the guards before quickly taking the earbud from Ellie and putting it into his left ear.

She smiles as she puts the remaining earbud in her right ear, covering it with her hair. She reaches over to move some of his own long hair in front of his earbud, concealing it from prying eyes. Her hand lingers for a beat afterwards, and Logan has to fight down his blush. Eventually, she drops her hand and starts the song. She smiles when he starts to bob his head along with the beat.

…

Logan frowns when he spots Ellie across the cafeteria hall. He excuses himself from Gabriel and the rest of the non-gang affiliated Latinos he’s fallen in with. Jail, even juvie, forces people to generally stick with their own, and the whites wouldn’t accept Logan because he was clearly half not white. So, he found himself with the Latinos. The bright side is that over the 2 months he’s been incarcerated, his Spanish has gotten way better.

When he reaches her, Logan cups Ellie’s bruised face tenderly, running his thumb over the shiner she’s sporting. “What happened?” He questions worriedly.

“Nothing.” Ellie insists. “I’m just not everybody’s favorite in here. Dad being a celebrated LAPD detective and all.”

“Sanchez, you know the rules!” A guard shouts, and he quickly drops his hands from Ellie’s face. They both take a step back to put the required one foot of space between them. Logan’s fists clench at his sides.

“Who hit you?” He demands to know.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.” Ellie replies, turning away from him to wait in line for the sludge they call food in here. Logan falls in line behind her, although he already got his food and it’s currently going cold (well, colder, since their food is never really as warm as it should be in here) at his table.

“I am worried about it. Was it Piper?” Piper’s been in juvie for two years now, for a violent crime. Some of the inmates insist she has a murder charge, but the record is sealed so there is no way to know if Piper is actually as dangerous as she claims to be.

“No, just drop it Logan. I promise you I have it handled. Trust me.” She presses, looking at him pleadingly.

Logan sighs, but reluctantly gives her a nod.

Ellie smiles, giving his hand a quick comforting squeeze before any of the guards notice. “Thank you.”

A week later, Logan is returning to his cell from his new part time juvie job at the library when he notices Ellie’s roommate being forcefully removed from her cell.

“We turned up not only drugs, but a shank under you pillow during the sweep Johnson. You’re getting at least a month in the SHU for this.” The guard holding her arm informs her.

“That’s not mine! Why would I leave that shit right under my pillow?! That bitch framed me!” She gestures to Ellie, who’s sitting on her bunk reading a book.

Ellie looks up innocently. “Me? Why would I want to frame you?” She feigns surprise in her tone.

Johnson glowers. It’s not like she can admit that she beat Ellie up last week in front of the guards. She’s ushered away to the segregated housing unit, where she’ll spend a month in solitary with no yard time.

…

Ellie plops herself down on a nearby table as Logan restocks books, eating her Doritos cheerily.

“You know you’re not allowed to eat in here, right Troublemaker?” Logan asks.

“But when you’re on library duty, I can get away with it, because you like me, right?” Ellie teases, tossing another Dorito into her mouth.

Logan blushes at that, wondering if she knows just how much he likes her. He’s nursing quite a crush on Ellie. He’s never met anyone like her before, and he has a feeling he won’t be meeting anyone like her in the future.

“Plus,” She adds when he stays quiet, “I always share my commissary goods with you, so you really can’t complain.” She stands from the table and pops a Dorito into his mouth, grinning as he chews on the treat.

“Well, we don’t all have daddy putting a generous amount of money into our commissary accounts. Some of us have to make do with our 10 cent an hour job.” Logan teases.

“It’s really the least my Dad can do. If he wasn’t so overbearing, I never would have ended up in here in the first place.” Ellie insists.

Logan doesn’t argue with her. He’s tried that before, telling her there are worse things than having a father who cares about you. She wouldn’t talk to him for a full week and being that she’s the only bright spot in his day, it was a pretty terrible, lonely week. So instead of mentioning Ellie’s responsibility in her current predicament, he says “Can we get some more twinkies later?”

Ellie smiles. “Of course, we can! We deserve twinkies.”

…

Almost three months into his incarceration, the juvenile delinquents earn a movie night for making it one whole month with no fights (that the guards know about.)

There had been a vote on which movie to watch, but they’d been given very few options. Nothing with sex, violence, drugs, or anything fun really, was allowed. They’d settled on Little Rascals.

Ellie yawns, leaning her head against his shoulder as they sit in the back of the cafeteria, which has been converted into a makeshift theater.

“Wheeler, do you want a shot?!” A guard asks, waving his infraction citation pad around threateningly. Ellie rolls her eyes, sitting up to put more space between her and Logan.

“Don’t they have anything better to do?” She mutters under her breath.

“I think they actually take a lot of pleasure in being able to deny us any chance of fleeting happiness.” Logan theorizes.

“Why else would they go into corrections? It’s definitely not for the money. It’s the sense of power, being able to tell people what to do. They get off on it. My Dad clearly missed his calling becoming a detective. He’d be much happier working in a prison.”

Logan chuckles. “As much as being in here sucks, I’m really glad I met you Ellie.” Logan admits.

Ellie smiles, burrowing into his shoulder again. “I’m glad I met you too.” She reveals.

“Wheeler, Sanchez, if I have to say it again, you’re getting kicked out of movie night!” The guard yells.

…

“Logan!” Ellie calls as he comes back in from the yard. He’s surprised to see her dressed in the Langston college and jeans from take-in instead of the standard issued juvie uniform he’s used to. She rushes towards him, about to leap into his arms before she notices the way the guards are looking at her and thinks better of it, stopping just in front of him. “I’m getting out!” She says excitedly.

“So soon, I thought you had 3 more months?” He can’t quite keep the dismay of her leaving out of his voice.

“I thought so too, but I think my Dad ended up pulling some strings. I guess he figures I learned my lesson.”

“Did you?” He questions, brow quirked.

Ellie smirks. “Not a chance.”

Logan smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m happy for you Troublemaker, I really am. I’m definitely going to miss you though.”

Ellie’s eyes soften. “I’m going to miss you too. More than you know.”

And then, she’s kissing him. Hands in his hair, tongue in his mouth. His hands falls to her waist, hauling her against him as he deepens the kiss.

“Hey! Break it up you two!” A guard yells.

Ellie pulls away, smiling up at the stunned expression on his face. “Something to remember me by.” She whispers, raising up on her tip toes to kiss him again.

This time, a guard forcibly grabs her arms and pulls her away from Logan. “If you want more time here Wheeler, I can easily make that happen. Trust me.” He threatens. He turns his attention to Logan. “And Sanchez, that’s a week of no yard time.” He doles out Logan’s punishment.

Ellie casts him a sympathetic look, but he just grins at her. “Very worth it.” He tells her.

Ellie offers him one last smile before the guard pulls her away to be processed out.

Logan immediately feels her absence. He doesn’t know how he’s going to get through another month here without her.

….

Taglist: @choicesarehard​​ @ifyouseekheart​​ @brightpinkpeppercorn​​ @regina-and-happiness​​ @drakexnadira​​ @flyawayboo​​ @fairydustandsarcasm​​ @alesana45​​ @umiumichan​​ @maxwellsquidsuit​​ @lahelable​​ @god-save-the-keen @mrsmckenziesworld @paisleylovergirl​​ @iplaydrake​​ @sinclaire-made-me-sin​​ @choicesgremlin​​ @lovehugsandcandy​​ @desiree-0816​​ @cora-nova​​ @justdani14​​ @emceesynonymroll​​ @emichelle​​ @badchoicesposts​​ @client-327 @riverrune​​ @liamzigmichael4ever​​ @princessstellaris​​ @mskaneko​ @anxious-arliah​ 

[ab-arts]

I have some suggestions! 1.- REST. Set a sleep schedule that at least's realist. No less than 7 hours. 2.- Spare your mind. You don't need to force you to do Everything Every single day. It's Absolutely fine NOT doing it. 3.- take a look back. You came here way too forceful, making things almost every single minute. I know you're excited, but if you think about, is more like an empty gas tank. Needs time to refill it. 4.- Don't missvalue yourself. You've done too much. You deserve a rest. ♡♡♡

I had tried to set up one, where I went to bed at midnight and woke up at around 8am, which gives me a good amount of sleep. I’m going to try much harder to get to bed on time, I’ve just set up several alarms to remind me.

I know, I really shouldn’t push myself to try to do everything, but I just always feel bad when I don’t accomplish anything. I mean, I’m suppposed to be studying for a GED I’m going to be taking soon, and I’ve barely had the will to do it lately. I don’t know why, just getting myself to do anything is hard. But I actually cleaned up my room today after having left it messy for like a month. So there’s that at least.

I didn’t think about that, honestly. I really didn’t think I could be pushing myself. But now that you’ve pointed it out, jeez I really did. I’ve just been wanting to show people my art, what I’m capable of, for a really long time. But you’re right, I really should take some breaks here and there. Though it’s the same as the one above, I feel bad when I don’t draw anything all day. I shouldn’t, but I just do. But I’ll try to change that, I need to pace myself more or I’ll just burn myself out more.

I’ll try, really. I just feel like I could be doing things better, or that I’m lazy by not being able to. I’m just so tired lately, and everything stresses me out. I have probably done too much. I’ll try to take it more easy, I will. Maybe finally get around to watching Stranger Things 3.

I just want to personally thank you for suggesting all of these. It means a whole lot, really. I’ve just not been feeling great lately and this is something I really needed. Thank you.

[catico5]

Surviving the Struggles and Learning to Breathe

Everyone has felt the pain of struggling at some point in their life. Even those who live rich and lavish lifestyles are not immune to struggle. Each person’s struggles are unique. What I have learned is that it is possible to survive the struggles and learn to breathe again. I say that while currently going through a struggle, but that does not mean I won’t fight my way through it. If I hang my head and give up now, I’ll continue to struggle without end. If, however, I learn to push through it and do whatever it takes, eventually, I might find an end to those struggles.

A Rough Start

I experienced a rough start, as many do. Growing up, I had some amazing family members, but my main family unit was not the best, particularly my mother and stepfather. Who I became as a result of how I was raised was not someone I was proud of being. I became a liar, a thief, and a cheater. I did whatever I could to get attention, even if that attention was negative.

A part of me welcomed negative attention because I was used to negativity. That negativity felt normal to me. Despite having some pretty wonderful family members (aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents) who showered me with positive affection, it was not what I primarily received. What went on behind closed doors was far beyond positive or even normal.

Eventually, I found my way out of that situation and into the life of a father I hadn’t know all my life. He and his wife were two of the most amazing people. They did their best to teach me what it meant to live a better life. By that point, I was a rebellious teenager so deeply rooted in the negativity that I pushed away from their affections and lashed out.

Becoming a “Know-It-All”

By the age of 18, I had become what most of us do at that time. I became a know-it-all. I “know” what’s best for me. I “know” moving out and being on my own is the right thing to do. I “know” that falling in love and dropping out of school is not a mistake. That’s right, folks. I walked out of a loving home and into the world thinking I would be alright. I was both young and naive and that would eventually come back to haunt me.

Living with a Narcissist

I moved out of my father and stepmother’s (I now call her mom) home to live with my then-boyfriend (now my ex). He seemed so sweet and charming. He was willing to leave his home behind to make sure I was okay and had a place to stay. What a prince charming, right? Wrong. It started out blissfully sweet. We ended up on a couch belonging to some of his friends. They took us in without question, but I felt like a burden.

I had felt like a burden from the time I was young, so my irrational thoughts had me convinced I was a burden to everyone. As such, I made the decision to drop out of school and find a job so I could make my own way. There I was, finally an A/B student and I was leaving school and my dreams behind me. But it would be okay! I had the love of my life with me and we were going to get through this together!

Then the unplanned pregnancy happened. I was so nervous, but we would be okay! We loved one another and we were trying to build a life for ourselves. Only, he did not receive the news so warmly. He accused me of ruining his plans, his future. A side of him never before seen reared its ugly head. For the first time in a long time, I felt very alone and afraid. He went back and forth between charming sweetheart and a physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive monster.

That went on for 14 more years and that abuse continued to intensify. It even reached a point that I thought I was going to die several times. I kept justifying it. I convinced myself that somehow I deserved what was happening. A part of me believed that I didn’t deserve anything better.

The Real Hero

Then a real hero, my legitimate prince charming, entered my life. He was an incredible friend. He assisted me around the house and with the kids when I was left to do it on my own. Yes, I was still in a relationship with the father of my children, but he was always out doing his own thing rather than helping me raise the children we had made together.

Part of me was grateful for his lack of attention because it meant he wasn’t abusing me. My friend became my source of strength. He made me realize how much I had been handling on my own. He helped me realize that I was stronger than I thought and I didn’t need to put up with the constant abuse and negligence, nor did my children.

So, one day, I finally decided to kick my abuser out the door. As the months went by, I enjoyed being single and finding myself again. During those months, a different kind of relationship blossomed between my friend and me. We started dating! Faster forward three years later and we were married. Has it been perfect over the last four years of our marriage? Absolutely not.

We have suffered through our ups and downs. We have argued as any couple does. But each time, we emerge from those struggles with more love and understanding than ever before. We learn how to overcome and succeed so we are not pulled apart by the struggles of everyday life.

Pursuing Success

Now, here we are. We love one another, but that doesn’t mean we don’t struggle. We both work our tails off, but we struggle financially because of poor decisions we both made when we were younger. He pursued interests that many young guys do, which had nothing to do with education. I gave up my chance to pursue an education when I became a young mom caught deep in the web of an abusive relationship.

I knew I had to change those struggles. I got my GED a few years before and then finally shed my fears and anxiety and enrolled in college. Am I nervous? Absolutely. Do I fear failure? Yes. But failure is not an option and I know I can make this happen.

There are many obstacles that stand in our way still. We have to figure out how to overcome them, of course, but I believe we can find a way if we keep digging deep. With school getting ready to start, we stress over our finances. My studies will cut into my work schedule, which means less household income. We already struggle daily with rent, utilities, and even purchasing enough food to eat.

There have been times that my husband and I have gone hungry to make sure the kids have full bellies each day. He works endlessly to keep up as do I, but the struggle is real. I have already been in college for half a year, so I know the struggles will become far heavier once school starts back up again, but I also know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know if I keep pushing and I get that degree, I have the chance to turn our lives around. My husband keeps pushing himself trying to support my endeavors because he knows that my accomplishments can provide us a better future. I love him for his hard work and dedication to our family. I love him for stepping up to become a father to children who needed it and a loving husband to a woman who had no idea what it meant to have a healthy relationship.

It is hard now, and I know I will face many nights crying, feeling hungry, and wishing on a star for a miracle, But I know that miracle will happen when I make it happen myself through my dedication and perseverance to survive this struggle. And when I’m done, I’ll know what it means to breathe again.

So if you are in the midst of a struggle, just know that things will get better. Maybe not now. Maybe not even tomorrow. But eventually. Don’t stop fighting. Believe in yourself and just keep pushing. You’ve got this.

[rebelminxy]

High Hopes

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Reader (Platonic)

Word Count: 1231

MASTERLIST

               Sam and Dean made their way to their seats, dressed in their FBI suits. Today was a special day for the boys and it could be seen by the big smile on their lips. As they sat down between the crowd, Dean turned to Sam.

“You think we made it on time? We took longer than planned on that hunt.”

“Yeah, we did, these are the teachers giving speeches. She should be up next by what the program says.”

              Dean looked at the booklet in his hands, smiling as he saw your name in it. Once the woman on stage finished her speech, another came up to the podium as the applause calmed. She thanked the speaker for coming and the next words she said made Sam and Dean perk up from their chairs.

“Now, I would like to welcome up to speak our valedictorian of the graduating class. Please welcome (Y/N) (Y/L) to the stage.”

              Dean and Sam began to applaud along with everyone else, maybe a bit louder than normal. As they watched you walk towards the podium, Dean let a ‘woot, woot’ out. They saw you look towards their direction and both boys waved at you, making you smile widely. You cleared your throat and looked towards the crowd, smiling as you started your speech.

“Many people talk about the fun we all had during our college years, about the friends we made and the awesome memories we have. But no one ever mentions the struggles we go through. Studying late into the night and, for some, having to work shifts during our free time. The pressure to get that passing grade to keep moving forward, the stress from so much that we learn. But even with all those struggles and headaches, we get from our teachers,” you turned around and smiled at the teachers sitting to your left, watching them laugh silently. “We never gave up. We knew how complicated things would be, but we never gave in, as you can see us up here. And we really didn’t do this alone.”

              The boys could see how shaken up you were getting, knowing what was coming up next.

“I lost my parents at a young age, car accident. My father’s friend took me in and raised me in his own. His job consisted of being on the road a lot, but that never stopped him to make sure I was in school during our stay. He would always tell me how proud he was that one of his sons was in college and his other went to trade school to be a mechanic. He would tell me education was important. When he died, I was only 17, thinking maybe I had to get my GED and work my way through life, but his sons took me under their wing and took charge from his place. They gave me a more stable home, made sure I graduated high school. And when I told them I wanted to go to college, they stood by my side. They gave me the support system I needed even with their full-time job. They never let me give up, helping me study, even poke at their arms when we had to practice drawing blood.”

              Everyone could hear the emotion in your voice, causing Sam and Dean to get emotional.

“They were there for me, the older brothers I never asked for. Yet I love them and if it wasn’t for their pushing and nagging, I wouldn’t be up here today. Same goes for the rest of the class. Each of us has someone that never let us give up or give in. Even with the struggles, we went through, we got through and always with someone on our shoulder. If it wasn’t a family member, it was a friend, classmate or teacher. We started this path with high hopes and that hasn’t changed, instead, those hopes are even higher.”

              An applause broke through the crowd as you made your way back to your seat. Dean had to wipe away a small tear and Sam took a deep breath. Two more speeches were done, and they began calling up the graduating student to get their diploma. Once they finally reached your name, Sam and Dean stood up and yelled out, clapping along. They watched you walk across the stage, Sam taking his camera out to snap some shots of you. Dean kept yelling out ‘That’s my girl! That’s my little sister!’, making your mouth hurt from the big smile on your face. As you made your way off stage to your seat, you couldn’t help but wave at them. The rest of the group went through and finally, the Chancellor of the school pronounced you the graduating class. You yelled out along the rest of your class. Finally, you made it through.

              Once everyone was outside the building, you made your way out, looking for the boys. You felt a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders, turning you around into a tight bear hug. You could smell the whiskey, knowing it was Dean.

“So proud of you, baby. Finally, you are now Dr. (Y/L)!”

You could help but giggle at Dean, moving away to hug Sam. “Thank guys thought you wouldn’t make it because of the hunt.”

“We wouldn’t miss this for the world, (Y/N/N). This is an important day for the three of us.” Sam said before placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Plus, you are now living proof for every hunter out there that this life doesn’t take away all your hopes and dreams.”

              You stood in shock as you turned to face Cas standing behind you with a big smile, Jody and Donna not far behind.

Alright you three let’s get a picture together!” said Jody with a camera in her hands.

“OMG, you guys made it!”

“We have been here since the start honey, we couldn’t miss this important day,” said Donna as she hugged you. You hugged Jody and Cas, so happy they were here. You took pictures with everyone, introducing them to your classmates and few friends you made during your years in med school. After all the laughing and smiles, you all made your way towards the cars.

“Oh yeah, before we forget Sammy.”

              Dean tapped your shoulder, and when you turned around he handed you an envelope. You didn’t know what it could be but took it and opened it. Taking the papers inside, you read it over and had to read it a second time. You looked at Dean then Sam, mouth dropping wide. Before they could say anything, you threw yourself at them in a double hug. Tears began falling down your face, no longer caring about the makeup you wore. Donna snapped a picture of you hugging the boys, the three in the back knowing exactly what caused you to cry so much.

“So, they got the paperwork done eh,” Donna said to Jody.

“Yeah, they told her they were on a hunt today, but it was to get all her items with her new name. They fought to make this happen today, wishing they thought of it years ago when their father was alive so he could make an official adoption. But better late than, never right?”

 “Welcome to the family officially baby. You are now going to be called Dr. (Y/N) Winchester.”

[music-my-angel]

Our geek boy

Prompt - Can you do one please of maybe when the guys were in there year break Luke spent slot time in Aus. and secretly got his GED and started taking some business courses on online college the guys never found out till a inter on the myt and are surprised by it but supportive of him please. B’day Nov 21st.

 ------

Usually when people go on break, they only want to rest. They don’t like doing any strenuous activity. All they want is to chill, have fun and not worry about a thing. Not everyone would go to study and get a degree. Well, Luke did it. While the 5sos boys had gone on break after their eventful year, Luke returned back to Australia to continue his studies, bag his GED and even began to take a business class online. It all happened without anyone even getting a hint about it.

------

Luke had always been attracted to music and when he got the chance to be a part of the 5sos band, he didn’t think twice about it. He left his studies halfway and if he was being honest then he’d say he never thought about getting back to his studies. But once they went on a break, after a few days of sitting idle, Luke made up his mind to return back to his studies. So while, Ashton and Michael were on holidays, out there partying and Calum was visiting the family, Luke was working secretly to get his GED and enroll himself in an online course.

------

The decision to continue his studies was not really out of fear that if the band doesn’t do well, he’ll be jobless and low on money. On the contrary, Luke had been really worried as to how to balance his studies and the band once the break would be over. He was very sure that the band would be meeting with lots of success in the near future but further studies had been a personal decision for Luke. He was studying not for a career but for a personal reason. Probably later in his life, he’ll think about it as a career but right now he was happy being a part of the 5sos band and he wanted to see the band progress. But his studies would be a means to secure his future ahead.

------

When the break got over, the boys returned to what they loved doing best, they got back to being a boybander. Luke juggled with his band stuffs and his online course but he didn’t neglect any of the two. And most importantly, he didn’t let his bandmates know anything about his studies.

Luke choosing to keep his studies a secret wasn’t out of disrespect for his bandmates. But it was just that he didn’t want them to think that he didn’t care about the band or was concerned that the band would not go too far, thus he was looking for alternate career. He also wasn’t too sure if he’d be able to pass his online course, so he just didn’t want to tell anyone about it.

But he couldn’t hide the truth for long and soon his bandmates discovered his secret.

------

It all came clear when the boys received a parcel for Luke. A clumsy Calum had dropped the box only for it to burst open and for a few books to fall out.

“I’m so sorry Luke” Calum apologized.

Luke was about to brush up the apology and pick his books up when Michael bent down to get the books for him.

“What’s this?” Michael asked, picking the books up.

“Didn’t know that our Lukey is such a geek” Calum teased.

“A geek that reads business books?” Ashton stated, raising an eyebrow.

“I… I…” Luke hesitated before deciding to come clean, “The books are for my classes. I’ve been taking some online courses.”

The wide eyes around him had Luke worrying for a second.

------

Luke misunderstood the looks around him.

“I swear I’m not contemplating to leave the band. We were on a break. I was bored so I thought I’d get my GED and take a business course online” Luke explained.

“You got your GED?” Calum asked, “Oh my God! Congrats man!”

“I… Thanks” Luke breathed out.

“Wow! Business course? This is great dude!” Michael said, clapping the boy’s shoulder.

“You guys are not mad?” Luke asked.

“Mad? Lukey, we’re proud of you. You studying ahead is a good thing. And we’re all going to support you” Ashton said as he pulled Luke in a hug.

Luke breathed out a sigh of relief as his bandmates pulled him close.

------

Luke thought the boys would be skeptic about him studying ahead but instead they all welcomed the idea. They sorted their schedule out to allow Luke more time to study. They teased him whenever he was stressed to give him a moment of distraction. And they loved showing off their geek boy everywhere. Because no matter what they were very proud of Luke.

------

A/N

Hope you all like it.

[chaosmacaron]

I’ve been so obsessed with my physique and silly little video games that I’ve forgotten that I’m gonna become a legal adult this year and I’ve literally done nothing to idfk,,, prepare for adulthood?? I feel like a lazy piece of crap. I still don’t know how to drive I literally can’t with school anymore I think imma get my ged because school is literally traumatizing and I have no energy to care anymore.

I sort of have a career in mind I think imma be a pharmacy tech because u don’t need to go to college for that u can just do on the job training at a retail pharmacy and then once ur ready u can get certified and then u can work somewhere that’s not retail and make more money. I hear it’s a stressful job working in retail pharmacy but i don’t rlly know what else to do. They pay is pretty alright for just little ol me and I think my parents might be generous enough to let me live with them for awhile longer so I can save up some money so yeah it just sounds like a pretty good option for me who does not want to go to college any time very soon

So yeah I guess maybe I do I have a plan I just gotta decide to either push thru a miserable year and a half of school or get that ged so I can start working sooner which will still be kinda a whole thing because I have not retained any of my education since like 9th grade so I gotta study and shit for a little while. Can’t believe I was “gifted” at one point. These days when it comes to anything academic my brain just shuts itself off and I can’t focus or get anything done even if I really want to. Probably an undiagnosed mental illness but who has money for therapy.

Im trynna listen to self help podcasts so that I can learn to be a proper adult lol everything seems so scary and hard so I’m hoping by learning more about idk taxes and shit I’ll feel a little better.

If only I could learn to drive. It’s just kinda hard because both my parents work so there’s not many opportunities for them to take me out. In the last year I’ve had my learners I think I’ve only driven about 10 hrs and u need like 50. I’ve never even done a u-turn before ;-; I wanted to get a lot of driving done over winter break but we just never got to it because my parent worked the first week of my vacation and we took like 2 vacation and then my sleep schedule went to shit so I was waking up late and my mom like refuses to go anywhere after 12pm and before ya know it my parents start work day after tomorrow so yeah idk what to do. Most of my friends a year younger than me and all of them are getting their licenses it’s so embarrassing🤡🤡