#i had a certain rigid mentality of either i ditch them entirely or i keep interacting witht them at the expense of myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

szampers · 8 months ago

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Personal notes from before the szpd epiphany nr. 1: on maintaining online correspondences. More info in tags

sometimes I want to be alone. Arguably way too often. A break from online interaction too, that at its core is people interaction too.

Connection, in whatever kind of form, is far better than total isolation. The benefits outweigh the bad, though that too isn't pleasant to endure. I keep thinking about returning to my original state of isolation.

Going off for a break is fine. But what if you don't come back? they could be on my mind for the entire duration, yet I don't reply to them or share whatever it is that I've been up to. It's probably the maintenance which is the hardest part.

#this is me being conflicted about keeping correspondences with online friends.#i had a certain rigid mentality of either i ditch them entirely or i keep interacting witht them at the expense of myself #it was rather hard for me to tell them i needed space for myself in a way that'd have them understand #good thing we have moved past that now !! a friend told me he wanted to take some distance off his phone and i co opted that #thing is. he didn't stick with it. but i did !!#the first few days i was off discord i felt awful as i wasn't used to being alone anymore. i was confronted with how empty my life was #more than anything i was forced to recognize how much I'd been using discord as a means of escapism. and how much i was consumed by it #that definitely did distract me from issues i should've tackled head on sooner. i did find out about szpd only after i took distance #made a few other epiphanies so it's all well worth it #rambling #schizoid #szpd #schizoid personality disorder

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