#i had a big inner child moment today I was crying in the middle of the woods over feeling sorry for kid me

[slimylayne]

Just watched drop dead fred for the first time since I was like 14 having many feelings

[genshinboys]

Thigh job with Genshin boys - Zhongli

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Fem reader x Zhongli

Knock-Knock-Knock

You are standing in front of the door to Zhongli’s office at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour. Upon knocking, you open the door and peek inside only to see the Archon seated at his desk and hunching over some documents. His form relaxes the moment his eyes cast upon your persona.

„Can I come in?” you ask politely knowing very well that Zhongli would never be capable of saying no to you.

He puts aside the pen that was previously tightly squeezed in the palm of his hands. Eyes glistening and his facial expression a tell-tale sign of excitement which he promptly attempts to hide going back to the customary for him calm facade.

Immovable as a rock and yet his world was shaken the moment you waltzed into it.

Zhongli doesn’t mind though and he revels in the way you made everything the Archon thought he knew to go to rack and ruin.

So, he finds himself inviting you and wreaking more havoc in his hitherto impassive and emotionless millenniums of existence.

„Oh, by all means, please do,” he responds courtly. He straightens up in his armchair gesturing to his lap.

You smile knowingly.

Zhongli but adores having you in his lap. The way your soft body fits in there is glorious and the lord of Geo could narrate hundreds of stories about the marvel of you being sat on his thigh tightly pressed into his sturdy physique.

It is his way of unwinding after a long day or taking a break from work. He would find solace and relaxation with you next to him. It becomes habitual and it just occurs naturally. When he sips his tea, scans through documents, reads a book or wants to tell you some of the stories from his past. You sit on his lap and everything falls into place.

He loves the control this setting gives him and the fact that he can easily do whatever he deems fit when your body is conveniently at his disposal.

And you wouldn’t say no. Whatever his intentions are.

So you come over to the handsome god and with a loud scoff unceremoniously land on his lap while wrapping your arms around his neck.

„What’s the matter my dearest?” he furrows his brows but the little crooked smile doesn’t escape your notice. Zhongli can’t help himself, he thinks that you’re just too adorable and pure for this world.

„Oh, Zhongli!” you cry out, „That little bastard Venti stood m-,”

He clears his throat and gives you a reprimanding glare, „Language my little girl.”

You roll your eyes at his antics and wiggle your butt successfully shifting your position so that your whole weight is now on Zhongli’s right thigh and your legs are hanging in the air on the other side of the armchair. He wraps a protective arm around your middle while his free hand starts caressing your uncovered leg, so nicely exposed by the skirt of your choice.

So once you feel all snug and comfortable you continue dramatically, „Zhongli, but he really stood me up! I needed his help with one commission and I found him as drunk as a skunk. He was so sloshed he fell asleep in the tavern and Kaeya had to escort him home!”

„Is that so?” he cocks an eyebrow but he isn’t surprised at all.

„Yes! I wasted so much time because of this motherf-,”

Zhongli shoots you another look of disapproval and you just smile apologetically.

„He’s never been good at holding his liquor, my Dear,” he states the obvious more preoccupied with the way the plump flesh of your thighs reddens when he squeezes it with his leather-clad hand. He allows himself to roam a bit higher and the skirt does little to prevent his movement.

„Dear,” he says as his lips approach your earlobe, „Have you by any chance forgotten to put on underwear yet again?”

You really love Zhongli’s voice. His low rumbles, deep and husky sounds from the back of his throat always give you goosebumps.

And so this time, you shudder in his embrace like a leaf in the wind.

„No, of course I didn’t,” you respond in your defence.

„Mind if I see?” he asks and pushes your skirt out of the way revealing your naked bum.

He clicks his tongue, feeling you up with his long fingers. The gloves he is wearing create nice friction as he strokes your skin.

„I might have forgotten after all,” you admit even if reluctantly.

Zhongli is a patient man. Throughout the centuries he has learned to remain cool and composed despite the most arduous and trying of times. He would have never guessed that this quality of his would so often come in handy when graced with your presence.

„Pray-tell my Dearest, so you did come here, parading around the streets of my city with no decency in your soul left, only to sit in my lap with your bare bottom?”

This question sounded more like an accusation and was rather rhetorical.

You shrug your shoulders for lack of any better excuse.

The archon takes a deep breath and digs his fingers into the meat of your ass.

„You enjoyed yourself last time, no?” you make a point to remind the lord of Geo of your last visit to his office.

„So vulgar,” he criticizes gazing down and marvelling how your smooth skin contrasts with the material of his black slacks. You would often stain them with your juices when the Archon opts for something more than just telling you stories with you in his lap.

„I trust you know what to do, Love,” he adds once again locking his eyes with yours and then kisses your forehead fondly.

You chuckle having no intentions to make the god wait any longer.

You let your hands slide down to his crotch and unbuckle the belt helping Zhongli get his erection out of the tight black slacks. At times like this, you would internally curse the Archon for his strict dress code but it can’t be helped. Zhongli is as stubborn as a mule when it comes to certain customs.

His cock springs free and you bite your lip openly admiring the ex-Archon. It never ceases to thrill you. His shaft is thick and painfully long with popping veins and a swollen tip. He is just so enormously big it intimidates you. You briefly wonder if it has anything to do with him being a half-dragon and you shudder at the thought mentally taking a note to ask him about that next time he places you in his lap.

Zhongli’s heartbeat quickens when you teasingly stroke his impressive girth, your lips finding his and you crash them together hungrily.

He hums in delight when you slide your thumb over the tip of his penis. You break the kiss and flash a cute grin at your immortal lover.

„I want to please you with my thighs,” you inform him matter-of-factly at which he nods somehow too quickly to match his typical indifferent attitude.

„You spoil me, my little one,” he praises in an erotic timbre and his eyes widen when you lift yourself from his lap and turn around.

„Hold my waist, will you?” you ask for some assistance placing your hands on both sides of the chair.

„Certainly, so,” he obliges.

So with some help on his side, you elevate your bum and reach for his hardened cock to delicately insert it between your warm-to-the-touch thighs. Experimentally, you lift yourself up and then push down letting his erection slide between your legs in a smooth motion. You make sure to smudge the leaking pre-cum all over his shaft so that the Archon doesn’t feel any discomfort.

„How does that feel Zhongli?” you ask glancing behind your back only to see his already fucked-out stare which makes your chest swell in adoration.

His lips are parted and eyes half-closed as he holds onto your waist the way you asked him to.

„Absolutely marvellous, my Dear. Please, do continue, hmm?” he encourages albeit struggles to reply.

You carry on stroking him like that, sometimes pressing your thighs a little tighter and he groans as quiet as he possibly can. Zhongli would despise being caught by Hu-Tao when you rub his cock so expertly.

The pace you decide to torture Zhongli with is sickeningly slow and he’s had enough of playing around for today.

You let out a muffled cried when the Archon grabs you even tighter and forces you down on his dick. He repeats the motion in an animalistic tempo taking pride in the way your ass bounces up and down in front of his eyes.

„Zhongli!” you plead as you feel your legs going numb.

„Bear with me a little longer, Love” he coos.

Your whole body hurts and your arms feel as if they were going to give out any moment.

Fortunately, Zhongli isn’t going to last much longer as the pleasure mixed with pain make him approach the brink he so much desires. With one final thrust and a guttural moan he releases and you can feel his hot load on the inner side of your thighs. Some drops of cum land on your lower belly and face. It’s so messy and you feel how your walls contract around nothing in feverish excitement.

He helps you go back to your previous position with his arms now tightly wrapped around your exhausted body. He enjoys the slight twitching of your weary muscles. He reaches for your chin and forces you to face him.

„Home?” you ask in a desperate plea for him to return the favour. Your body aching for his touch.

„Home,” Zhongli agrees, as indeed, the Archon is unable to turn down any of your wishes.

Other boys:

Albedo

Xiao

Diluc

Kaeya

Childe

Kazuha

[forcebewitht]

You Must Really Be A Diamond...Because You're Still Shining For Me  (Aftermath Overblot!Jamil Viper X Reader) 

It had now been about an hour or two. Since Jamil fiercely kissed you. Since Jamil went on a rampage with the students as he Overblotted. Since your friends were swatted away like mere flies into the depths of the Scarabia Dorm. But, even still, Jamil kept you by his side and treated you like his little queen. And you, hoping that your friends would come and eventually bail you both out, simply played along. Jamil gave out orders to the Scarabia residents here and there, soon followed up by a sweet remark or brief quip to you. "Bring out the food and drinks! Today, we celebrate the day that simpleton of a sultan was overpowered and made way for someone more capable! Ahhh...I feel so refreshed...I've got an endless supply of magic…[Y/n], darling, won't you be a sweet little thing and tell those peons what you want? It also would make your Sultan very happy to hear your adoring words of praise once more~'' One of the Scarabia residents hung their head low, now groaning out a reply to the prior command like a zombie. Soon, the entire group was groaning out their praises, to which Jamil released a chuckle of triumph. "Hahaha...that's right. Tell me more about myself." Your nerves were shot, but nothing made you jump more than hearing some familiar voices pitch in. "You are incredibly handsome…"  That voice belonged to Azul, who very swiftly yet soundlessly seemed to be slinking through the crowd towards you. Once he caught your gaze, he sent you a wink that seemed to relieve your prior stress. Grim was next, gently stepping around the crowds of Jamil's brainwashed Scarabia residents. "Tall...and dark…"  Grim almost had a start when he looked at your current appearance, but given a slight head nod from you, he kept his mouth shut and kept going. Next was Jade, who was following closely behind Azul. "Your eyes are so angular...so intelligent…" Next was both Floyd and Kalim, who both flashed you bright smiles to ease your prior anxiety even more. "You're so fashionable~" "You look super strong, you know!" Nodding along with your friends, you gently pet Jamil under his chin. "I'm spellbound." Jamil's lips curled into a grin at you, allowing his head to turn. "Mmmmm...what a wonderful compliment…" Then, the other voices seemed to hit him all at once. His head snapped back over, his eyes widening in shock. "Geh- you're all-" 

Jamil seemed utterly shocked to his core as he slowly stood up, having a snake curl around your waist and gently place you on the ground beside his throne. "I sent you all flying into the middle of the desert! How did you get back here so quickly?!" You were silent and quick to slink back over to your friends as they began to explain..well, more like boasting- how they used Kalim's Unique Magic to fill up a river, along with Jade and Floyd's eel forms, to swiftly swim back over. Upon seeing you standing back with your team, Jamil's gaze softened for a moment, as though he was truly hurt. Then, it hardened all over again as he released a growl. Kalim soon stepped up with a determined look, everyone else getting into their battle poses under your direction. "I challenge you, Jamil...for the seat of Dormhead you stole from me. I plan to take it back." Jamil folded his arms, his prior, cold gaze growing even harsher at Kalim's claim. "I stole it? Hmph...big talk! Even though you're the one who stole everything from ME!" You blinked a few times in shock, allowing your head to tilt. There it was again...that same, faint sparkle near Jamil's heart as you had seen with Riddle, Leona, and Azul's hearts before. Like it was calling out to you for help. A sudden burst of power caught your attention, your gaze flicking back up to Jamil's. "Let me show all of you a taste of my true power! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

And with that, Jamil charged, already heading straight for Kalim. You were swift enough to dodge out of the way as Grim launched a fireball right at Jamil. It shot him right in the chest, the male releasing a grunt at the impact. His snakes flared and all hissed at Grim at the same time. With a swirl of his hand, one of them came off and began to swiftly slither towards Grim. It began to bite at the air, hoping to grasp the monster in its fangs. Grim began to run around in a circle, shouting something about not being a fan of the little pest in terror. Jade and Floyd both stood back to back, the two of them now launching their own attacks at Jamil. Jamil took the one from Jade but swatted the one from Floyd right back at him. The Tweel went flying into a nearby pile of carpets, to which Jade looked back to his twin to check on him. Once he was certain he was alright, given a thumbs up from beneath the carpets from Floyd, Jade continued his prior assault. Right after said attack, Kalim charged for Jamil, the two men now quite literally wrestling on the ground. Snakes began to nip and bite at Kalim, but the red-eyed boy held his ground. Using his Unique Magic, he began to pelt the snakes with water, making them hiss out in pain. Azul was swift to dart over to Grim, taking the head of the snake that was chasing him and crushing it under the bottom of his cane. Grim then turned, and with a battle cry, set the snake on fire. The snake soon dissolved into nothing more than pure ashes, to which Grim and Azul quickly high-fived and shared a smile for their efforts. Jamil soon kicked Kalim off of him entirely, now sending him flying right into the pile of carpets where Floyd had just been crawling out. The two boys collided with each other, now both Floyd and Kalim being within the pile at the same time. A snake curled around Jade's throat, now promptly choking the Tweel out. He began to choke, raising his arms and attempting to pull the snake off of him. You and Azul charged at the same time, Azul swiftly unlodging the snake from Jade's throat with his cane, and you smacked it down onto the ground with a nearby vase you had picked up. Shards of the antique flew everywhere as the snake hissed in pain. Grim charged over once more, setting this snake ablaze like he had with the one before. Once it was nothing more than ashes, Azul held onto Jade with an arm while you fished Kalim and Floyd out of their pile. Soon, your group turned their gazes onto Jamil, and they all began to fire multiple spells at once. Despite his overpowered state, Jamil was vulnerable due to his hysterics, like the others had been before. It didn't take long for Jamil to crouch onto a knee, those sparkles from before now seeming to trickle from within his very heart. 

His voice was weak and pained now. "Number...one….I thought...I could finally be free…." Now grasping the light, you arose and dashed to Jamil's side. His eyes weakly flickered up to meet your own. You gently held out your hand with a warm smile. Silence passed over the dorm. While Jamil seemed reluctant at first, he eventually took your hand in his own with a tear in his eye. You took hold of his other hand, now swiftly pulling him to his feet and ripping him towards you in a hug. Though he was taken aback, the male soon hugged you back, tears gently beginning to cascade down his face. Your vision began to turn white as a light was cast over both you and Jamil, making your group cover their eyes. You knew what time it was. Soon, you could see the foggy images and memories begin to play out of Jamil's past, his voice strong and clear despite you feeling like you were underwater. You could hear both his voice as a child's and Kalim's along with him, your form soon being swiftly pulled through the various scenes Jamil's inner self played out. "The earliest memory I have is of my parents bowing their heads in submission to Kalim's parents...I loathed seeing them like that." You turned your head as another memory popped up, one of Jamil's parents telling him to keep a losing streak up to Kalim. Your heart wretched at the sight. Shouldn't parents only wish the best for their children? "Kalim's family is way above my own...which means...he is above me. Therefore, whether it's grades, athletics, or games...I can never allow Kalim to surpass me." The coldness and pain in Jamil's voice as he spoke was undeniable. Your gaze softened even further than it had before, for you could see Jamil's hooded form standing directly beside you now as he kept on speaking. "To keep pace with Kalim, I pretend to be incapable of anything." Another memory of Kalim and Jamil began to play out as the figure of Jamil beside you seemed to stiffen. "...You haven't beaten me. I've been letting you win all along. With that airhead look….pay attention, Mr. Oblivious!" Another memory began to play out, but this time, it was of both Crowley and Kalim speaking. Crowley mentioned something about...a transfer? You soon felt your opinions on Crowley begin to shift. Was he really so easily bought? "Adults always say the same thing. "I'm sure you understand". But, who is going to try and understand me?" Jamil's hooded head soon turned to face you, his body turning to follow suit. He looked exhausted and pained. Kalim's voice soon came through the memory once more. "We have to work together, Jamil! Okay! Ahaha!" Jamil's body and voice began to shake as his eyes were filled with utter rage at the mere sound of Kalim's voice came through. "...E-enough…" Kalim's voice soon came through once more, his voice even brighter than before. "Jamil is the only one who'd never betray me!" Jamil began to shake even more, now beginning to curl in on himself in rage despite standing up. "THAT'S ENOUGH! Kalim, as long as you're there….I-i…I'll have to live my life handing everything over to you! I-i….even I want to be...number...one…" Your lips soon curled into an inviting smile. You turned to face Jamil as the last memory faded out. Taking both of his hands in yours, you beam up at the boy. His gaze soon flickered over to meet yours, silent tears running down his cheeks. But soon, his legs crumbled and he fell to his knees. You caught him and held the male close, allowing him to silently sob in your arms. Your vision soon began to fade to black…..

"Jamil….JAMIL!"  Kalim's voice was the first thing you heard as you began to reawaken. Your eyes fluttered open and you turned your head to the side. You and Jamil had both passed out side by side, still holding each other's hands. Soon, you begin to sit up as Jamil did the same. "Ugghhh….my head...where am…" Jamil slowly turned his head to you, then to everyone else. They were all crowded around the two of you. Everyone began to give their relieved statements, Jade and Floyd being the pair to help you stand completely. You hung back as Jamil and Kalim began to teasingly reconcile. Azul even began to praise Jamil on his tactics and intelligence and offered for the male to join Octavinelle, which Jamil declined with a wild smirk. Soon, you made your way over to a nearby fountain and sat down, letting your finger gently trace circles in the water below. The sound of footsteps caught your attention, to which your head turned. It was Jamil, who was now pulling his hood off. His gaze met yours and softened, the male's head now slanting at the sight of your figure. "[Y/n]. If it's not too much for me to ask….may I…" Soon gathering what he meant, you slid over for Jamil to take a seat. Jamil exhaled in relief, now taking his place beside you. His gaze soon trailed back over to the water as he seemed to carefully mull over his words. Thankfully, you were the one to begin to speak first. "If this is about the whole Overblot thing and the...lovely outfit change? Don't worry about it. I was fine." Jamil glanced over, already chuckling at your rather blunt statement. "Ah...you are rather bright. Although, I truly must...apologize for before. And...I know what you saw. What you heard. What you felt. We were both right there, after all. I….did not mean to lose my composure. You may hate me for that, little diamond...I will take it in stride." Jamil placed both of his hands onto his head, allowing his eyes to screw shut. You could have sworn you saw a few tears pricking his eyes. Glancing over to a blossoming vine nearby, you gently pluck a bright jasmine flower from the vine. Turning to Jamil, you learn over, now tucking this jasmine flower into his hair. Jamil's eyes flicker open in shock, his expression now a bit more loving than before. "....What...after all I did...you still…" He seemed to be at a loss for words. You smiled once the flower was in place, now taking both of his hands in your own once again. "Don't you worry, Jamil. I'm here for you. Now and always. Though I can't do anything about your struggles in the past, I can help you push through to the future. I've got your back." Jamil's eyes filled with tears once more, one breaking free from the rest and trickling down his face. He wipes it away with a hand, releasing a breathless chuckle at you. Then, he begins to smirk, now taking another jasmine flower nearby and placing it into your hair. "...Just know I won't go easy on you, either. I'm through with that." Jamil sent you a wink and you allowed your head to slightly tilt back in a laugh. "Ohhh, I didn't think so. I don't think I'd have it any other way. Just, promise me something? Don't turn into Medusa again, okay? Snakes are slimy." Jamil began to laugh right along with you at your quip, the two of you enjoying each other's company for the time being. Once your laughter had died down, you both met each other's gazes. Without a second thought, the two of you seemed to drift towards each other, a sweeter kiss than the one from before being shared. Jamil hummed into your lips as he gently cupped your face with his hands, a breeze being swept over your two forms. 

As you both separated, Jamil's gaze had softened once more. "You must truly be a diamond, [Y/n]...because you're still shining for me."

((Hey Hey Hey, everyone! Its finally here! I had a complete and total ball writing this one! The pain yet eventual happiness is real here! Next up will be Aftermath Overblot!Azul Ashengrotto x Reader! Hope you all enjoyed and I hope you have a fantastic day~💖🌹

Fanart Link: https://www.zerochan.net/3013185

[nelapanela94]

Levi x Fem!Y/N

Levi and Y/N choosing a name for the new member of their family.

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Kids had never been a topic of conversation between Levi and Y/N, and much less were they part of the plans. Now they were both in her room, listening in disbelief to the doctor announcing the big news to the soon to be parents.

"We appreciate your discretion, Doc" Y/N said while putting her shirt on.

"My lips are sealed" He swiped his thumb and index fingers across his lips, pretending to zip and lock his mouth. "Everything seems alright so far. I'll set an appointment within two weeks" Y/N nodded and he finished packing the instruments before taking his leave.

Levi was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and eyes closed. Y/N chewed her lower lip waiting for him to say something. "You said you'd timed it"

"I'm sorry I miscalculated" she walked towards the black-haired man and stopped in front of him. "Are you angry? It's only seven weeks, we still can..."

"Don't even think about it" We warned opening one eye. The steel gray orb landed on her face. "We're having the brat together Y/N" He reassured. "And I'm not angry, I'm just surprised" He let out a sigh. With both eyes opened, he scanned her face looking for a reaction. She looked at him with her mouth agape as tears of joy were forming in her eyes. Then, the sweetest smile drew on her lips. "You don't know how lucky I am to have you by my side, Levi" She whispered before pressing her lips on his.

Levi and Y/N had kept their relationship a secret for over a year, and only Erwin, Hange, Mike and Moblit knew about it. The ravenette had threatened the energetic Hange with killing the precious titans they used for research if they let it slip off their mouth. However, they let the secret escaped when Moblit was around, and that's how he learned. Fortunately, no one else heard, and Moblit was good at keeping secrets.

Y/N and her boyfriend entered the commander's office.

"Levi, Y/N, what brings you here? Today is your day off"

"There's something you need to know" Levi bluntly said.

"Erwin" the young woman took a deep breath. It was now or never "I'm pregnant" She averted the eyes, biting her inner cheek. Erwin's eyebrows rose at the news. "But it wasn't my fault, it was Levi's" She gabbled and hid behind the ravenette, who was standing next to her.

"Congratulations" A corner of his mouth lifted. Y/N poke her head from behind Levi's shoulder. "Thanks!"

"It also means you'll be out of the field for a while" The commander was happy for them; but concerned at the same time. Y/N was a skillful soldier and a great asset on expeditions. Her absence would be noticeable. Levi, on the other hand, was glad and relieved Y/N wasn't taking part on any upcoming mission, meaning one less concern for him.

As months passed by, Y/N's belly began to stick out, making it impossible to hide her pregnancy any longer and rumors about the father's identity spread among the scouts. "I'll tell you when the baby is born" She'd firmly stated. They tried to guess and even make their bets, but they were not even close. No one would believe that the ever stoic, ill-mannered captain was soon to become a dad.

"Don't mind them" Y/N told Levi once.

"I hate when they insinuate you're a..."

"You and I know the truth, it's all that matters. I can't care less about their comments" she placed a kiss on his cheek. "Now, I want some rice with cheese and strawberry jam on top"

"That sounds disgusting"

"it's not, you gotta try it"

And obviously he'd go downtown to get the damn cheese she liked.

When Levi was hectic with work, Hange and Moblit looked after Y/N. The brunette researcher was too excited and impatient to meet their nephew or niece. Since the future mother didn't want to be a burden, she volunteered to take notes and help with the transcription of the investigation reports, even though Moblit insisted she didn't have to.

The night before the 57th expedition, Y/N and Levi were lying on his bed, his calloused hands caressing her belly. "Please, come back home to me safe and sound" she placed a peck on his lips. "To us" and her hand found his. "I want a boy" she said with a smile. "With your hair, your nose and your eyes"

"The brat will have your looks"

"But..."

"Listen Y/N, I promise I'll come back to you" he kissed the back of her hand. "The doctor said you'll deliver anytime soon. I'll be there for you"

The 57th expedition beyond the walls ended up in an utter mess. Countless lives lost, including Levi's squad. Injured soldiers with missing limbs and on the verge of death. Y/N waited for Levi in the SC headquarters. The doctor had advised her not to travel to Karaness since she could go into labor any moment. When Levi opened the door, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. She would not let go, as if her life depended on it. He cupped her face and passionately kissed her. The expedition didn't even last a day, but it felt like a century.

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Levi was impatiently waiting outside the delivery room, nervously walking back and forth and cussing under his breath. "Take a seat Levi" Hange worriedly said. "Your leg is still healing"

"Shut up, shitty eyes"

In truth, he didn't mind the damn leg.

"Captain Levi" he heard the nurse's voice. "You can come in now"

"Congratulations to you and Y/N!" Hange squealed in excitement. "Take your time, I'll be waiting downstairs."

Levi opened the door and found Y/N sitting on the bed, with her back resting on the headboard and the newborn in her arms. He dragged a chair and took a seat next to the bed, placing a hand on Y/N’s. “Are you ok?”

“I am” She assured. “I’m just exhausted”

“Did you give your mom a hard time, brat?” He said rubbing the baby’s head with his thumb, careful enough to not wake him up.

“Isn’t he cute?”

“Yeah, we did a good job” He proudly said. A smirk showed on his face. “We did have fun” Y/N chuckled, shaking her head.

“I haven’t thought in a name yet”

“Me neither” He sweetly placed a kiss on the side of her head.

“I guess we’ll have the time to come up with a good one” She looked down at the new bundle of joy and smiled. “Daddy and I will protect you at all cost little one” She whispered.

Levi couldn’t keep his eyes off of the new member of their family. The new life they had created, half him, half Y/N; he now had another reason to fight for.

After the battle against the colossus and the armored titans to bring back Eren and Historia, the Survey Corps were left on the brink of dissolution. Dimo Reeves and two of his employees were found death in the middle of Trost. Commander Erwin was to blame for the murders and all the remaining members of the Scout Legion were to ceased their activities and turn in to the Military Police. Erwin had previously made an arrangement to hide Y/N and the baby in a brothel room in Trost. The sole idea made Levi uneasy, but he was aware Y/N was not in the condition to escape along with the rest of the scouts while protecting Eren and Historia.

Nonetheless, her hideout was discovered by the M.P.

A tall man broke into the establishment looking for Y/N; and out of fear, the owner gave her away. The man didn't bother to knock and kicked the door open to her room. The place was dark, the smell of recently blown out candles still lingered in the air. Y/N had managed to take the baby in her arms and hide under the kitchenette counter. Tears were running down her cheeks, and cold sweat bathed her entire body. She was quivering in panic, and covered her mouth with one hand to drown her crying. She was praying to all the known gods for the little one not to start crying anytime soon. Surprisingly, he was staring up at her with a cute toothless smile and bright steel gray eyes.

"Well, well, you can't hide from me for too long" the man laughed as he searched around. "Gotcha!" Y/N jolted and cried harder when she saw the gun aiming at her. "Let's end this nice and smooth"

"Who are you?" She asked between sobs. "Why...?"

"Shhh, I'm afraid I'm not here to answer your questions, young lady"

"Please" She pleaded. "Kill me, but don't hurt my baby"

The man's expression turned into a scowl. "Baby? They never mention anything about a baby" He muttered. The infant's cry filled the room, and the coated man grunted.

"Can I... put him to bed?"

"Make it fast"

She stood up slowly, her knees almost giving in. She walked to the bed rocking the baby, feeling the gun on her back. The cry finally came to a halt. Y/N placed a kiss on the baby's forehead and whispered "I love you" before tucking him between two pillows. Then, she turned around with her hands up. The man put the pistol in the case and was about to take his knife out, when a glinting, flower shaped object hanging around her neck caught his attention. His forehead furrowed and walked towards her with a menacing look on his face. "Where did you get this?" he growled, grabbing the pendant in his hand.

"The baby's father gave it to me" She replied, her eyes shut, waiting for the knife to slice her throat.

"May I know his name?"

"Levi, Captain Levi from the Scout Legion"

"I see" His scowl turned into a smirk. "The midget managed to get himself a pretty lady and make her a child. I guess he did learn something after all"

"Uh?" Y/N snapped her eyes open, confused at his sudden reaction.

"What's the baby's name?"

"We haven't had the time to think about it yet. I just call him baby, and Levi opted for brat"

The mysterious man took his knife out and with the free hand, he grabbed a fist full of her hair. With a swift movement, Y/N long strands of hair fell on the floor. It was too fast she didn't even have the time to shriek. "Change your clothes and grab the little runt." He ordered. "I'm getting you out of here" Y/N nodded in understanding and changed into a big shirt, loose pants and her boots. She then wrapped the baby in an improvised baby carrier she made out of a blanket.

"I'm ready" She gulped and everything went black.

Y/N woke up in a small cabin in the middle of the woods. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. The man with the hat was sitting at a chair across the room, while the baby laid peacefully next to her on the bed. The headache make her wince in pain.

"Sorry, but they had to believe you were dead" He bluntly said as he stood up. He put his coat on and fix his hat before leaving.

"Wait. I have plenty of questions sir. Who are you? What is this place? Why did you save us? What about the necklace..."

"You really are a pain in the ass" He complained. "The necklace was a present for my sister. I had it crafted for her when we were young" He turned around. "Ackerman. Levi Ackerman is his full name. Take good care of the little brat" He continued his way to the exit.

"Wait" She got off the bed and followed him. "Who are you to Levi?"

Without turning around, he replied. "An old acquaintance"

Y/N didn't ask anything else. She stared at the man's back as he walked away. When the man was out of sight, Y/N finally relaxed, letting out all the tension contained in her body. While the baby was still asleep, she did a little house tour. There was not much to see, honestly, but the place was cozy enough. There was food for at least three days in the kitchen, as well as barrels of clean water and firewood. She went back to the bedroom, laid next to the sleeping bundle and caressed his black strands of hair. "It seems you're an Ackerman after all" She chuckled. "Your father..." Her eyes saddened. "I wish I could go and find him, but I'm still recovering and taking you with me would be a high risk." She heavily sighed and closed her eyes. "I do hope he's doing well."

A couple of days later, a heavy knock on the door startled Y/N. She swallowed hard and tucked the baby in the bed "Shhh" She put her index finger on her lips, "I need you to be quiet. Do it for mommy" She said in a whispered, then headed to the kitchen. She grabbed a pan and slowly walked towards the door; her hand landed on the knob as cold drops of sweat traveled down her temples. "Oi! Y/N, it's me. I know you're in there, open up" Without a second thought, she twisted the doorknob and found her Levi standing there, with stains of blood on his face and clothes. Y/N glomped the ravenette.

"Levi!" She squealed; her eyes already glistened. "Oi" He fought to keep his balance and embraced her tightly. "Don't leave me alone again" She sniffed.

"I promise I won't" He muttered. "And can you get rid of that damn pan? It's making me nervous"

"Sorry" She threw it away. "I can't believe you're finally here. Please tell me this is not a dream?"

"This is all real" He pulled apart and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Are you alright? did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine, Levi. That tall man with the cool hat was sent to kill me, but he changed his mind when I mentioned your name and hid me in this place instead. Are we even near the city? and how did you find me?"

"He told me where to find you" He pressed a kiss on her forehead.

"Come on in, somebody wants to see you" she took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom. Levi sat at the edge of the bed and a small warm smile drew on his face. The giggling baby wrapped his little hand around Levi's index finger. "Y/N" he called her name.

"Huh?"

"Have you thought of a name already?"

"Not really"

"What about Kenny?"

"Kenny? I actually like it" She smiled and rested a hand on Levi's shoulder. "Kenny Ackerman will be, then"

[i-need-entertainment]

Not Scary To me

Character: Washio x single mom reader

*Timeskip spoilers*

Pt.2

TW- mentions of insecurity, Washio has past ~trauma~, mentions of divorce and toxic relationships.

If you asked anyone who knew Washio Tatsuki if he was a scary, mean and dangerous man, they would probably laugh in your face. Since he was a teenager Washio was no stranger to being judged by his appearance. He was always taller than the other kids, much more muscular and his general demeanor screamed ‘intimidating’. Which was why people were typically scared of him and unwilling to get to know him. So when he entered his first year in Fukurodani, it was no surprise to him when no one wanted to be his seat mate. That is, until you appeared. 

“Is this seat taken?” He looked up, and he felt his heart stop. In front of him was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She had warm and kind features, and the most welcoming smile he’d ever received from a girl. Well, a girl who wasn’t his mom or his older sister anyway. He quietly told the girl ‘no’ and nodded when she asked if she could sit there. Over the course of just a few months the two had become fast friends. They always ate lunch together, studied together, hung out after school and she always made sure to be in the front row when she watched his games. 

For the next three years, the two became best friends. They were there for each other through all of their highs, their lows, their problems in their love lives. Er- Y/n’s problems in her love life. Throughout high school she dated this guy, Ken Hashimoto. He was your typical high school heart throb. He was charming, popular and very attractive the whole school saw them as the ‘it’ couple. But to Washio, they were anything but. 

Putting aside his bias, he never really like Ken. To him Ken was sleazy, dishonest, and cunning. Washio lost count of how many times you had called him during terrible hours of the night crying over something the jerk had done. Or worse, when the two of you had fought and it was up to Washio to console you. But no matter how many times he picked you up from rock bottom, he’d always be there to pick you up again when that jerk pushed you down. Why? The reason was simple. 

Washio Tatsuki was in love with you. And he had learned to accept a long time ago that you would never love him the same way. 

Throughout the next three years you and Ken were off and on. He was a jerk, yes. He was selfish and dishonest. And…he hurt you. A lot. But for whatever reason you…couldn’t leave him. You had experienced too much with him, felt too much with him. He had too much to guilt you into staying for longer than you should have. You and Washio were very good friends, but for some reason after high school, your friendship didn’t last. You both tried to stay in contact, see each other every now and then. But with him going pro and you pursuing your interests, you both agreed it was okay you couldn’t see each other as much. 

For you that was the case. But for him, it was simply because it was too painful to constantly be reminded of what he didn’t have every time he caught sight of the engagement ring sitting on your left ring finger. Not long after he left for Hiroshima (It doesn’t say where the EJP Raijin are located, but they’re based off of the JT Thunders which are in Hiroshima Japan) to play as a middle blocker for the EJP Raijin (Eastern Japan Paper Mills Raijin). 

It’s been about five years since the two of you have seen each other. When you and Washio had graduated, you had started drifting apart. During that time you and Ken had actually been doing okay. He was treating you much better (well, by the standards of you guys’ relationship anyway) and it seemed like it was going places. So when he proposed, you didn’t think twice. Especially since the only man you think you’ve truly loved was soon leaving for Hiroshima. 

That’s right, you, Y/n L/n were in love with Washio Tatsuki. Before you rage quit reading this, bear with me! Yes! You loved him so, so much. But you couldn’t leave Ken. You knew he wasn’t a great guy, you had experienced it first hand! But no matter how much you wanted to you just couldn’t go, plus…you couldn’t go to Washio, he didn’t deserve that. 

So you kept quiet, married a man you tried to love and forget the man you always did. Here we are five years after the two of you graduated. Washio was still playing for EJP, and you were living in Osaka with your three year old little girl, Emiko. Currently you were working as a sports manager for the MSBY Black Jackals. Well that was the job they paid you for, but on most days, you felt like the MSBY Black Jackals baby sitter instead. 

“What? No- Bokuto you cannot go sky diving before next weeks game- I don’t know! No, don’t ask Akaashi, you know he’ll side with me. Atsumu don’t encourage him!! Bo, if you ask him, I promise you he’s going to tell you the same thing I did. *sigh* just- get here on time. We have a practice match today.” Bidding your goodbyes and letting out one more painful sigh you put down your phone and rubbed your temples. 

Don’t get me wrong, you loved the MSBY four, but man did they give you some big time stress. “Mommy?” All your worries faded away as you looked to the doorway, your little girl Emiko standing there with her favorite stuffed bunny in hand. “Hey there baby, ready to go?” Emiko excitedly nodded her head and walked towards you, lifting her hands above her head for you to carry her (she is only 3 after all). After getting the necessary items and a bag for Emiko the two of you left the house and headed to the MSBY Black Jackals stadium. 

The Black Jackals had a daycare center in the stadium, so working parents could leave their kids there while they did their jobs. It was nice having it in the building, especially since Emiko was a painfully shy kid. She was very quiet and usually didn’t talk to strangers, or people she knew for that matter. It was unusual for her to utter more than ‘hi’ and someone’s name (other than to you or your parents of course, or people she felt comfortable around). As soon as the two of you arrived you said your greetings to your co-workers and made your way to the daycare center. 

Until “Bunny!” this particular part of the building was always crowded, and you daughter just realized that between here and the front door she had lost her stuffed animal. Before you could re-grab her hand, she was gone and a sickening amount of panic settled in your stomach, you of course immediately ran to go get her.

 At the same time, Washio and the rest of EJP Raijin had just entered the MSBY stadium for the practice match they’d be having. When they got settled, the coach told them they had about 2 hours before the match started, giving them about 1 ½ hours to kill. Komori and Suna went off to antagonize Sakusa and Atsumu while Washio explored the stadium. (Bokuto and Hinata were not there yet for reasons better left unknown.) 

Before Washio could get very far he saw something on the floor. ‘Is that a…bunny?’ squatting down he picked up the toy to notice it was indeed a stuffed bunny that he guessed belonged to a child. He picked it up and made his way back to the entrance, figuring he’d leave it at the office for someone to find. But before he could get there, he heard a small “Mister…?” He looked down to see the cutest little girl he’d ever seen tugging at his pants, with tears in her beautiful e/c eyes. 

For a moment he stilled. He didn’t dislike kids, quite the opposite actually! It’s just…kids didn’t usually perceive him very well, usually they were afraid of him. Trying to make himself as approachable as he could he put on a gentle smile and knelt down before the girl. Sure he was still much bigger, but he was less intimidating. “Are you okay?” The little girl shyly looked at him before she shook her head ‘no’, and after some inner contemplation said “Bunny” Washio then gently smiled and showed her the bunny he had in his hand, noting the way her familiar e/c eyes lit up as she excitedly reached for the stuffy. 

She happily squealed as she hugged the toy. Right around that time you, who was running adrenaline and two cups of coffee, also a huffing and puffing mess had desperately turned the corner. “EMIKO!” The little girl turned around and smiled, triumphantly holding up the bunny. “Mommy! This nice man found bunny!” Looking past her you finally realized the man who had been kneeling (but is now standing) in front of your daughter. Both of your eyes blown wide as you both looked at each other. 

”…Tatsuki?” Washio nodded as a familiar but buried feeling fluttered in his chest as he choked out a ‘Y/n?’. You quickly ran up to him and gave him a hug, one he gladly returned. Your daughter looked at the two of you confused before acting like the two of you didn’t exist, she had some business with her precious bunny she had to take care of! “But- Wha- how? What are you doing here?!” You asked him as you pulled away from the hug. His hands went into his pockets, a nervous habit you vividly remember him having, as a smile overtook his features. 

“I’m on EJP Raijin, we’re here for a practice match. What about you? I thought you were still in Tokyo with…him.” Y/n’s expression faltered at the mention of her ex-husband. “I’m the sports manager for the Jackals, have been for about a year now. And, uh, he’s not in the picture, he left last year.” Y/n maintained the small awkward smile on her face as Washio nodded. Washio’s eyes slightly widened, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” You waved him off as you picked up your little girl. “Don’t be, I kind of figured we’d never last long anyways…” Washio just nodded. 

“But! It’s not all bad, I got through school during all…that, got my degree and when we were getting divorced, I found this job. So, when it was done, we packed up and moved here and got started on our life together.” You continued to smile fondly at your little girl, she laid her head on your shoulder and looked at Washio with an unreadable expression. “Enough about me! How have you been? Anyone special?” 

You asked him, you wanted to know he was doing well, that he was happy. But there was also that little part of you that wanted to know if he was single. He let out a small chuckle, the sound taking you back to high school. “I’ve been alright. Not long after we graduated, I moved down to Hiroshima to play for EJP, threw myself into my career and here we are But, uh no. No one special.” You two were smiling at each other when Emiko tapped your shoulder. She leaned close to your ear and cupped her small hand around your ear. 

“Mommy?” You were holding back a giggle at her cute action. “Yes, baby?” Emiko nervously looked at Washio, and he felt a sort of dread come over him. ‘here we go again’ he thinks as he waits for the tears to start… ”What’s his name? I like him.” As if it was even possible your smile got even wider. “Well, why don’t you ask him?” The little girl looked at you before looking at him, you gently placed her on the ground and encouraged her. “Uhm….mm..” She looked nervously to the floor as she tightly clutched her bunny, making some noises of discomfort. 

She then looked up to him. “What’s your name…?” She asked in a small voice. He smiled and knelt down, holding out his hand to her much smaller one. “Washio Tatsuki. What’s your name?” She smiled and she took her hand and lightly shook his. “Emiko…Emiko L/n” she then released his hand and presented her bunny’s hand instead, wanting him to shake it (which he did). “This is bunny.” The little girl continued to smile, happy that this nice man was not only nice to her and her mommy, but also bunny. That scored a lot of points with her. 

The little girl turned around and looked at her mom. “Mommy?” You looked down to her as you started to stroke her long brown hair, which was seemingly the only trait she received from her father. ”Can we see Washio again? I want him to be my friend…” You couldn’t tell if the swelling feeling in your chest was from your daughter wanting to be someone’s friend, or the prospect of seeing Washio again, but after five years of loneliness, it was a welcomed feeling nonetheless. 

You looked up to meet his equally surprised but happy eyes. “Well? What do you say…”? He smiled down at the young girl before nodding his head, the little girl happily giggling and clutching his leg in a sort of hug before quickly returning to your side. “Oh! I need to get this little one to daycare, and I need to get to work! Uhm, why don’t we exchange numbers and we can get dinner or something, the three of us?” Emiko just nodded, even if she wasn’t really listening, while you and Washio exchanged information and said your goodbyes. You dropped Emiko off and made your way to the gym, since the practice match would begin in just under an hour.

*I have split this into parts bEcaUse it ended up reaaall long :) The next parts should be out soon*

[basicjetsetter]

At the End of the Day (II)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 4.8k

Warnings: Sad Fluff, Tons of Angst, Language, Mentions of PTSD

Summary: All Bucky wants to do is protect his family and keep them happy, keep them safe. But no matter what he does, danger hunts him down and makes his life a living hell. It has a name. Baron Zemo.

A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the likes on Part I. Hope you like the second just as much, if not more (conspiratorial wink-wink). Like/Reblog. Comments are always welcome. I’d love to interact with you guys and see what you think about it. (Gif not mine, all credit to its creator) - TJ 💙 

Part I

Bucky left 119 days ago.

The first week stranded you in a stunning fog. Living through it felt like waking up from a bad dream, the type that picks up where it left off once you finally fall unconscious and haunts you during the day. 

You didn’t want it to be real, and in some way, you tried to convince yourself that it wasn’t, that Bucky was still out on a mission and coming home in a few days. But then you went into the bathroom after rocking Bumblebee back to sleep the night after he left, and you stared at the swollen, red indents molded around your neck. An inner flood you kept tucked away from your daughter poured down your cheeks, and you cried until your body shut down for the night. That was the first, and only night you allowed yourself to grieve.

You couldn’t afford to let your emotions get the best of you. You needed answers.

What happened to him?

Nothing you thought of could make sense. If anything, it left you with more questions. Why now? Why after you fight with him? You knew it was the Winter Soldier, but you wondered how the hell did the programming rewire itself back into Bucky’s mind, especially after all the time Shuri spent undoing Hydra’s work.

Could there have been something she missed? What if the Winter Soldier is now an integral part of Bucky, something that’s grown attached to him after seven decades and has ingrained itself within his DNA? 

Or what if it was just your fault? What if you hadn’t pushed him away?

These questions taunted you since that night. You couldn’t sleep. What if it was your fault?

All week you ignored everyone’s calls and messages. The doorbell rang constantly. They all wanted to know where Bucky was and why he wasn’t reporting back to them. 

You didn’t want them to see the fresh handprints and hear the croaking strain in your voice.

But after that second week, you finally had to tell them everything. You’d been holding out hope for Bucky to find his way home when the dust settled, but when that fourteenth day hit, and he never showed, you knew. He wasn’t coming back. And it’d be futile to search for a man capable of disappearing into thin air.

Everyone reacted how you feared they would. One look at the bags under your eyes, the faded marks on your neck, and the little girl clinging to your leg and anyone might assume what happened. 

They brought Bumblebee into the living area and turned on some cartoons for her, then guided you into the conference room for questioning. Wanda and Sam’s voices were the calmest. What the hell did he do to you? Do you know where he went? Why didn’t you tell us sooner? Did he hurt Bumblebee? Is he the Soldier again?

“No,” you rasped, your eyes burning as you stared at the floor. “It was… it was like hearing Bumblebee scream brought him out of it.”

“Why’d she scream?” Wanda asked quietly, kneeling, and taking your hands in hers. “Honey, we need to know to help.”

You gulped back the lump constricting your throat. “She saw Bucky on top of me and came to help.” The image of your daughter’s horror-stricken face flashed in your mind. “He stood up and grabbed her by the shirt and lifted her in the air. And then she started to scream, and he got all confused… and then he left. I swear. The soldier is gone. Bucky would never hurt us. That’s why he stopped.”

“We know that. Right?” Sam asked sharply, looking around the room at the other Avengers. “Bucky is a lot of things, but he ain’t that.”

Rhodey stiffly folded his arms over his chest. “Wasn’t he supposedly ‘fixed’? Cause that doesn’t sound like it to me. As far as we know, the other guy could have been waiting in the wings this whole time, and none of us would have been ready for it.”

You unconsciously rubbed at your throat.

Peter spoke up defiantly. “Uh, hello? I’d have known.”

“Come on, kid, with that tingle-whatever-thing you got? You can’t even tell me when the weather is going to be bad,” Rhodey said, rolling his eyes.

“It’s not a tingle-thing, and I’ve already told you it doesn’t work like that. I’m not a meteorologist.”

Banner chimed in. “Doesn’t Happy call it a Peter Tingle?”

“It’s my spidey sense, guys,” Peter groaned. A small smile played at your lips at his exasperation, but it faded when he stared into your eyes. “Trust me. I’d know if Mr. Barnes was a threat.”

Clint sat back thoughtfully, covertly throwing glances to Wanda. “Someone could have been rooting around in his head.”

“Oh, give it a rest, will you?” she hissed back at him.

“I’m just sayin’.” Clint tapped a finger to the middle of his forehead and then to his chest. “I’ve got firsthand knowledge on how that sort of thing works, and not just from you. Hell, if Nat hadn’t beat the snot out of me, I’d have… well, you know.” He trailed off and let the unsaid fill the room. 

Sam broke up the tension. “So what? You think someone did something to set him off?”

“Most likely. Wouldn’t be too hard, I guess, considering how the guy had his head screwed with for over seventy years.” Clint said it bitterly but tried to remain sympathetic in your presence. “I know that genius over in Wakanda might’ve fixed what was already there, but there’s a possibility even she didn’t think those mad scientists would set up some type of safeguard to bring the other guy back.”

Banner leaned his hulking mass against the wall. He’d been mostly silent the whole time, rubbing two huge fingers over his chin. His eyebrows scrunched up in concentration.

“What’re you thinking, big guy?” Rhodey called out. Everyone directed their attention towards him.

Banner shook his head clear. “I don’t know much about the guy, to be honest. But your story checks out.” He nodded at you. “Think about it. I heard about what happened that first time Cap saw Barnes and the time they were fighting in the Helicarrier. If seeing him was enough to shake a few memories loose, I’m sure hearing his daughter cry was enough to snap him out of it.”

Rhodey said what you’ve been trying not to think about for the last two weeks, and what you predicted everyone else didn’t want to say. “Sure, let’s say that’s true. Then what about almost killing his wife? That wasn’t enough?”

That was as far in the conversation as you got. You stood up and walked out of the room, closing the door on a stewing argument, and went all the way down the hall and into the large living area. You never spent too much time in the Compound, and you rarely brought Bumblebee here, but every time you did, she never wanted to stay inside.

The trees surrounding the facility are full of vibrant green leaves, and the river is sparkling from the rays of the warm sun. On such a beautiful spring day like today, she’d be running rampant if she had to sit and watch cartoons. She’d be begging all the available Avengers to go outside and play freeze tag with her. Usually, Sam, Wanda, and Peter willingly volunteered if Bucky got caught up in handling some business.

At the moment, Bumblebee stagnantly sat in a bean bag chair, and Scott Lang sat crisscrossed right beside her, sharing a bag of popcorn and tub of Red Vines. From time to time, he’d pretend to throw a sneaking glance behind his shoulder and slide her another Vine, and she’d giggle. You hadn’t seen her smile in two weeks.

You stayed at the back of the room, looking at your child with new eyes. She’d been so affected by what happened. Her little shoulders sagged, and she never asked where her Daddy was or when he was coming back. Most nights, she’d crawl into bed with you, holding her broken rainbow night-light tight to her chest. Every night, she made sure that you locked the door.

She was arming herself against an attack. It broke your heart.

Bucky had been his daughter’s best friend. Now, she only saw him as a danger.

Sam cleared his throat behind you, and you jumped. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He peeped over at Bumblebee and Scott. “How is she holding up?”

“Not well,” you sighed, turning around to face him. “She’s scared to sleep alone.”

“How’re you holding up?”

You felt yourself shrug as you responded robotically. “I’m fine.”

Sam cursed softly. “Man. All of this is just so damn crazy.”

Your voice lowered to a whisper. “I know. You guys figure out what you’re going to do?” 

He spoke gruffly. “Rhodey wants to put out an APB across the country to push him out of hiding, Banner thinks we should wait it out until he makes that move, Clint is siding with Banner, and you know me, Wanda and Peter are down for whatever you want to do. You want us to go out and find him; we’ll do that. We left the decision up to you.”

You glanced back at your daughter and tried to picture what that might be like for her, seeing ads and hearing announcements calling for her father to turn himself in to the authorities. No, you wouldn’t put her through that.

“Banner’s right,” you said after a while. “He’ll come when he’s ready.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

You set your chin to stop it from quivering. “He will.”

One hundred and five days later and your confidence had withered into tiny pieces, blown away by a swift summer breeze.

The Avengers accepted your wishes to let the matter solve itself after that initial meeting, but you had a feeling that they tried to keep tabs on him, just to be positive that he was no real threat. 

You found yourself driving out to the Compound every day since then, leaving at the light of dawn and coming back at sunset. You told yourself and everyone who wanted to know that it was because Bumblebee asked you if she could watch cartoons with Scott again, which was true, but you also went because the more time your daughter spent away from the house, the more she became her old, happy self. She can sleep in her bed now. She is playing outside again.

Unfortunately, you have yet to snap back to your usual self.

You’d love to pretend that everything was going great in your life. You had the most fantastic support system to fall back on, your daughter healed well from a traumatic experience, and the bruises have vanished into nothing but a ghost of a reminder.

And yet every night, you awoke covered in a sheen of sweat, gasping and clutching your throat with one hand and blindly reaching out to Bucky’s side of the bed with the other, only to find it empty every time.

A deep sense of loss created a chasm of pain and heartache in your chest. Some days it felt as though you were a shadow going through the motions, putting on a brave face for your daughter when you felt like you had nothing else to live for.

The last thing you said to him before going to bed that night played on repeat in the back of your mind. You’re someone I can’t lose.

Not I love you. Not I miss you to pieces every time you walk out that door, and I don’t know if you’ll ever come back. No, those last words you spoke to Bucky just had to prophesize what was to come.

You lost him. And now you’re losing yourself.

Anguish slowly edged through the cracks of your façade. As the days passed, those cracks became visible to anyone who took a good, long look at you whenever Bucky’s name came up. Wanda and Sam caught it every time.

Right now, you and Wanda are sitting out on lounge chairs outside of the facility, watching Peter swing low around the trees with Bumblebee on his back and hearing the girl’s delighted whoops. A tray of lemonade and fresh-cut strawberries is situated between your chairs, and Tater is lying on his back in the grass, soaking up the sun. 

Your loose, knotted shirt clung to your perspiring skin, but the sun felt nice on your legs.

“She’s growing up so fast,” Wanda mused, spearing a slice of strawberry on her fork. “Five in three days. You ready for that?”

You nodded absently. “Yeah. I am.”

“Got any birthday demands yet?” she asked lightly, monitoring your response.

You tried to smile. “Scott told her about Disneyland in Los Angeles, and she’s been leaving all these subtle hints around the house. Yesterday, I found a drawing of Mickey Mouse ears taped to the fridge.”

You had bought the tickets the first time she outright asked you a month ago, but you wanted it to be a surprise. Out of habit, you bought three tickets. You hadn’t found it in you to get it refunded. You thought about asking Peter if he’d want to tag along. Sam would no doubt hold a grudge against you for not inviting him.

Wanda placed her fork on the table, turned to sit on the side edge of the lounge chair, and placed a warm hand on your shoulder. “How are you?”

That’s a question you try to avoid with her. Lying came easier when it was Sam or Peter asking, but Wanda knew the hurt you were masking like an old friend. 

“I’m fine.” You didn’t look into her intent eyes, choosing to focus on the flair of red hair haloed in the light.

“Is that true?”

“I don’t know.” You gave up and met her gaze. “I guess if I say it enough, maybe it will be.”

Bumblebee squealed louder in the distance, and you turned in time to see Peter climbing up to the top of a tree, dropping down, and then shooting out a web to swing them up into another tree. He’d be fun to take to Disneyland.

Your throat tightened as your vision grew blurry. You tried to clear it as you spoke. “Bucky’s never missed her birthday.”

Wanda nodded knowingly. Two years ago, they were on a mission in Normandy, acquiring intel on a potential terrorist organization. Bucky left despite the threat of insubordination. He ended up facing a week of suspension and received an official reprimand from the Secretary of State, but he promised you that it didn’t matter. You and his daughter were his priority.

“I need to use the bathroom,” you said abruptly, hopping up and rushing into the main entrance hall. The glass doors easily opened to let you into the heavily air-conditioned foyer. Bright rectangular patches of sunlight highlighted the floor, offering a little warmth to the room.

In your haste to reach the bathrooms before the tears spilled, you ran right into Sam. He caught you before the impact sent you backward.

“Woah! Slow your roll, speed demon. Where’s the fire?” He held you back a little to look your over, and his eye widened at the sudden gush of tears running down your cheeks. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

You threw yourself back into Sam’s arms and sobbed against his chest, hiccupping. “I miss h-him. I miss him s-so much.”

Sam led you over to the sitting area by the front entrance, seating you close by his side and letting your tears leave wet blotches on the shoulder of his light grey shirt.

“It’s been almost four months. Why won’t he come home? Why won’t h-he come back to me?” You were asking yourself, not Sam. You’d known for a long time that Bucky thought of himself as unworthy of you, Bumblebee, all his friends. He’d held onto the guilt for years. You weren’t entirely sure it ever went away. 

“He doesn’t think you want to see him,” Sam confessed, keeping his eyes to the floor. “He uhm… he may have told me not to tell you that.”

You wiped at your eyes. “You talked to him?” He didn’t say anything. Your eyes narrowed, and your voice took an edge as realization smacked you in the face. “You know where he is?”

Sam bobbed his head, groaning deeply. “He came to me the night everything went down.”

In a flash, you’re on your feet. “You knew this whole fucking time?!” An emotion you haven’t felt in months blazed through veins: red, hot, fiery anger. It crackled into your nerves, swelling in the cavity left in your chest. You clung to the fire like it was the first glimpse of warmth after an unforgiving winter.

Sam raised his eyebrows in defense. “Look, I did what I thought was best. What was I supposed to do? Tell you his address? And then what? What do you think Bucky would have done if he saw those bruises on your neck?”

“I don’t care! I’ve been losing my fucking mind over him, and he’s out here playing hide-and-seek!”

“He wasn’t hiding. He flew over to Wakanda and asked me to keep an eye out on you and Bumblebee.” Sam said coolly. “Zemo reactivated him.”

The name instantly doused the scorching flames to a dull flicker. “Wait? Zemo? How?” The last you heard of the man who broke up the Avengers, he was stashed away under twenty-four surveillance in a secluded Government facility. As far as you knew, he was an ordinary guy with no powers. There’s no way a normal guy could escape that, right?

“Don’t know, but he hasn’t been back to the house since that night. I guarded the perimeter for a month and saw no sign of him.” He watched the fight leave your body sluggish and gestured to the seat you previously occupied. You dropped down into the cushioned chair before your knees decided to give out on you. 

He continued. “Bucky said the dude paralyzed him with some kind of sedative and read off Hydra’s magic mind control spell. He didn’t want to risk coming back home, knowing he could go off again.”

You furrowed your brows as you thought of how Bucky looked when you had run into the living room. There was a clear sign of struggle and seconds before the door slammed shut. You’d been so out of it that you forgot about ever hearing the damn door.

You slumped back and pressed the heel of your palms into your eyes. “How long was he in Wakanda?”

“Two months.”

“And he’s fixed?” you pressed, looking up to find Sam staring right at you. “Or is it something that isn’t fixable?”

Sam rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and said, “Shuri fixed him. How she did it, I don’t know. He never said. You’ll have to ask him that.”

Hope desperately bled into your words. “Is he coming back?”

“No.” Sam shook his head, and before the chasm in your chest could dig down further, he pulled out his phone and sent you a message.

233 E 80th St. Press 9.

“Why are you giving me this?”

“Because you both deserve to know how the other feels. Bucky thinks living like a hermit for as long as that serum keeps him alive and wallowing in self-pity is the best game plan he can come up with. I’m trying to be the good friend and let him know that he’s a dumbass,” he said gravely.

You nodded appreciatively. “He is.”

“Also, Tic-Tac told me that my goddaughter is having her fifth birthday party at Disneyland, and I’m trying to build my brownie points,” Sam added, smiling widely.

You coughed out an incredulous laugh. “I’m not the one you have to convince.”

“Sure, you aren’t,” Sam winked. He glanced down at his watch. “You better head over there now if you wanna beat traffic. I’ll cover for you.”

“Thanks. I owe you one.”

He called out to you as you ran out of the doors. “Hey! You owe me that Disneyland ticket! Tarzan out there doesn’t deserve it!”

The apartment building wasn’t as shabby as you thought it would be as you pulled into an empty parking spot a few feet up the street. All the old units sat bunched together along the road, some with new faces of paint to cover the fading brick. Bucky’s building is a fire-hydrant red, and floor level is a cool gray. If the façade didn’t hint at the old age of the complex, the butts of the air conditioning units perched out the windows gave it away.

The heat made it feel humid in this part of the city. Your hands felt sticky rather than clammy as you walked up to the single-doored entrance, and pressed the number 9 on the intercom panel.

Dread filled your stomach as nothing happened. Did he already look out the window and know that it was you?

You pressed it about three times before giving up. He’s not there, and if he was, he wasn’t going to let you in.

Turning around, you headed back to your car. You reached the front door, and just as you pulled the keys from out your back pocket of your shorts, you heard the sound of approaching feet. You raised your eyes and saw Bucky walking down the sidewalk. A black cap shielded his eyes, and he’s holding a big Target bag in one hand. He hasn’t seen you yet.

You stepped away from your car and right into the middle of the sidewalk. The movement caused him to snap his in your direction, and he paused mid-step.

Bucky looked just as bad, if not worse than you did, but not in the way someone does when they let themselves go. He shaved, and you could tell by the fit of his cap that he’d cut off a considerable amount of hair. Without the facial hair and the locks framing his face, the creases of stress dominated his features, giving him the appearance of a stern-faced model.

A painful thud in your chest reminded you to let go of the breath trapped in your lungs.

“You look different,” you stammered. You look different? Really?

He didn’t say anything. 

You wrung your hands awkwardly and tossed a quick nod over to the red apartment building. “That your place?”

His jaw clenched tight, and he nodded, never taking his eyes off of you.

Clearing your throat, you asked, “Can we go inside? We need to talk.”

“How’d you find me?”

The harsh question sent a chill down your spine and raised goosebumps on your arms. But you held firm and steeled your voice to match his. “We need to talk, Barnes. We either do it right here so everyone can see, or we take it inside. Choose.”

Another held breath whooshed out of your lungs as he lumbered to the door and punched in the code to open it. You followed him quietly. 

The inside didn’t stray too far off the mark of age as the outside. The same brick furnished the walls on the inside, but instead of red, they were a milk-white. The stairs moaned under the weight of both of you as you headed for the second floor. Bucky stomped, and you kept your step to a light tread. His room was right off the landing to the left. 

Once he pushed the door open, and you stepped inside, and immediately the lack of space felt stifling. Down the smallest hallway possibly built, you saw a bed, the fridge, and a desk piled with equipment all in one room. Bucky slid past you after he shut the door and threw the Target bag on the bed.

“Talk.” He ordered, throwing off his hat. The shave left him with a small crop of hair on top of his head and slightly buzzed sides.

Anger clawed its way back through your system. “I’m not one of your subordinates, Sarge. Don’t treat me like one. And I’m not the one who fucking disappeared without a word. You did. So no, I won’t talk. I’m going to hear you explain to me exactly what happened that night and why you felt perfectly fine with deserting your family! Go ahead! Explain that to me!”

Bucky glowered and said, “If you’re here, then you already know why I’m here.”

“Don’t play that game. Just start talking, Barnes. I don’t have all day.” 

He pressed his back up against the bare brick wall, staring at the Target bag. “Zemo broke into our house and reactivated me. I went to Wakanda. Shuri went back into my brain and finished fixing me up. Then I came back.”

You asked, “What about the other two months?” Your nails bit deeper into your palms every second that ticked by without him giving you an answer.

Bucky shrugged with a blank face. “Recuperation.”

Hot blood reached its boiling point in your veins, pressing out hot tears that slithered down your face. “Why won’t you just fucking talk to me?”

“Because I don’t want you here.” There was a catch in his voice on the last word, and it dawned on you that he was purposefully building a wall between you, and your anger almost let him get away with it.

You took in several deep breaths, smelling all the Chinese take-out boxes most likely stuffed in the fridge, and exhaled until the anger washed out your system. Bucky stepped away from the wall and plopped onto the edge of the bed. He held his face in his hands. A stab of hurt pierced you once you saw his flesh hand. His wedding ring is off.

“I remember everything,” he whispered. “Everything. Your screams. How you tried to get away from me. My hands around your throat. Bumblebee.” His breath hitched, and the bed shook as his body trembled. “I almost… Fuck, I almost…”

Tentatively, you lowered to your knees in front of Bucky, coming face to face, and you wrapped a hand around the rough skin of his flesh hand and brought it down from his face. Tears dampened his cheeks. “That wasn’t you, Bucky.”

“Then who else was it?” he asked bitterly, letting the tears fall to his chin. “Whose name did you yell to stop? Whose name did our daughter scream? You don’t see any other face but mine. Just because I can’t control what I do doesn’t mean I didn’t do it.”

“I knew it wasn’t you,” you said in a small voice. “It’s your eyes.” They regarded you now, bloodshot and watery. He hasn’t slept well either. You went on softly. “The Soldier’s eyes are ice-cold and vacant. Your eyes are sky blue, open and filled with warmth. I knew the instant he looked at me that it wasn’t you, Bucky. You’d never hurt me.”

He shook his head, miserably. “But I did.”

You held onto his flesh hand and motioned for him to give you the other one. He didn’t budge, so you reached out and grabbed the metal hand. Then you began to move them up to your neck. Bucky tried to snatch them away, but you gripped them harder and placed them around your throat.

You firmly held his hands in place, noting how his metal hand felt almost as warm as his flesh hand. He shook harder.

“I trust you.” When you were sure he’d keep them there, you laid your hands on either side of his face and brought his forehead to yours. “Please come back home.”

Bucky’s breath blew ragged in your face, and a pained sob rumbled in the back of his throat. “I’m not worth it, Doll.”

“Yes, you are. I meant what I said that night. I meant every word. You, James Buchanan Barnes, are someone I can’t lose.” You pulled back and looked straight into his eyes. “Because if I lose you, I might as well be lost too.”

Your lips met his halfway, pressing together gently in a long, unbroken kiss meant to memorize what you hadn’t felt in almost five months. They felt warm and incredibly soft as they found their rhythm against yours. He relaxed under your hands and allowed him to cup your neck gently. The kiss didn’t exude lust and passion. It didn’t have to, because it wasn’t supposed to heighten or rekindle the spark. It’s supposed to keep it warm and safe.

You parted breathless, sharing each other’s air as your foreheads pressed together again.

“I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing his thumbs along the back of your jawline.

“Don’t be. Just don’t leave me like that again.” You sighed as he pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose.

He opened his mouth to speak right at the moment your phone vibrated in your pocket. You kept his eyes on his eyes, not even checking to see who was on the caller ID when you tapped the green ‘Answer.’ The voice on the other end spoke frantically and out of breath.

You frowned. “Hello? Who is this?”

“It’s Peter. Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I can’t find her. I’m so, so sorry. It happened so fast, and I had my back turned for like one second to go get us some ice cream at the park and she was on the swings—”

“Peter, slow down. Just tell me what happened.”

“Bumblebee is missing.”

[aurora-daily]

Unraveling the Mystique Behind AURORA

Interview by Casey Eridio for Status Magazine (October 28th, 2019).

Before we spoke with AURORA, we weren’t entirely sure if she’s real. She appears to be this blithesome girl with overgrown braids and war paint around her eyes, which signifies tears and smile wrinkles—an ironic juxtaposition of two seemingly polar emotions. Her music entails a mystical fairy feel; it is as if she came out of a forest and learned to create electronic music. And up to this point, we’re still convinced that’s the case.

Growing up in a small island in Bergen, Norway, Aurora Aksnes was never meant to think like the common folk. When asked about her most vivid childhood memory, the 23-year-old recalls a rainy day in school when her classroom was noisy and she missed her ride home. After the chaos of the day, she plopped down on the couch, still drenched with her raincoat on, and stayed still as today’s dinner was wafting through the air and Leonard Cohen’s “Suzanne” plays in the background. “I just sat in the living room for a little while. I just really relaxed and I realized how much music can give—it was a break from life.”

Now, Aurora believes that music is the closest thing she could get to spirituality, and through this, she manifests a sort of mysticism that is truly fascinating. She believes that apple cores contain wishes and dreams about being a stone at the bottom of the ocean. Her music never gives any sign of the modern era; she sees desire as an animalistic instinct in “Animal”, her inner turmoils as diseases in “Infections of a Different Kind”, and the underdogs as a part of her “Queendom”. Matched with the vivid storytelling and natural elements in an otherwise synthetic production, things are never as they seem in the realms of her brain.

“I just sat in the living room for a little while. I just really relaxed and I realized how much music can give—it was a break from life.”

For someone dreaming with her eyes open, she never appears to be out of touch with reality either. With the folktronica and art-pop fusion she introduced to us in 2012, she had explored almost every crevice of human emotion. “At the beginning of my career, my main goal was to write music so people could cry; music to be a friend for people out there who were struggling with emotions,” she explains. And after the release of her records Infections of a Different Kind – Step 1 and A Different Kind of Human – Step 2, Aurora seems to be going deeper, unfurling the secrets of what it means to be human.

While she puts emotions under a microscope, she also zooms out to see the big picture.  “I realized that [music] can be much more,” she expresses. With her emotional intelligence and realization that she could become the voice for the voiceless, Aurora evolved into a more politically-charged artist, singing about toxic masculinity in “River” and the climate crisis in “The Seed”. This sense of clarity and compassion for people and the world obviously stems from growing up surrounded by nature. “You realize that you’re big compared to the bugs, that you’re so small compared to the trees and the mountains,” she observes. With this perspective, she has carried with her a clear understanding and a deep-rooted appreciation of life in all of its different forms.

Of course, not everyone can live on a peaceful island in Norway and become a philosopher basking in nature, but this is what the artist hopes to impart with the world through her music. In the haze of the nine-to-five life, there’s simply no time to stop and think. But the moment you put your headphones on and listen to the musings and ponderings of Aurora, she brings you back to her couch in Bergen, letting the raindrops soak in and taking a break from the bustles of life through music.

As she cooks up two new albums while on tour, Aurora makes time for us to discuss last night’s dream, skydiving, and the role music and nature plays in her life.

First up, tell us about your musical journey. Do you remember the first song you’ve ever written?

When I was a child, I loved to watch people more than I actually wanted to be with people. I like to see what people around me were going through. I was around nine when I wrote my first song in English, and it was about someone being bullied. It was quite a sad song—that’s all I can remember. After I wrote my first song, I just fell in love with it. It made me feel so good that I could create something that was only mine and that helped to use emotion and turn it into something beautiful. I could never stop after I started

“Everything I do becomes better because I can give more to the world when I am good to myself.”

How did you evolve into the AURORA we know now?

Well, it happened really organically. A lot has changed, of course, in my life. My world is a lot bigger now than it used to be. I have all these friends and fans all over the world and they have really taught me how small the world is but also how big it can be. The biggest change that I have discovered is what music can really do. Music can change people all over the world and help them understand emotions better. It’s a very beautiful thing.

Tell us about your creative process in your music.

It’s very different from time to time. Sometimes I have to run to the closest recorder and record my ideas. If I’m on tour, I have to bring my book and write down some ideas. I also like sitting quietly and watching the world go by. I write everything down in my notebook. I write everything that I see around me. I just can’t stop singing, I can’t stop writing. The world is very inspiring.

When I’m home, I have my piano, but obviously the piano is too big to be with me on my back [laughs]. But when I’m home, I usually just sit and play for hours and just improvise, and when something beautiful comes, I just stick with that. It’s very organic and natural and relaxed, the way I write. I just do it when I feel like it. And when I can’t write anything I just do something else like a painting. I try to keep things very natural and to have no pressure.

Speaking of that, you also do visual art and you painted the cover art of your single “Forgotten Love”, is that something you do often? Does art ever affect your music and writing?

It does! It has happened more and more throughout my career. The visual side of music, I have learned that people’s eyes seem to be more developed than people’s ears. I love painting when I write music at the same time, and I love painting the visuals to my song.

You’ve created your own language in the songs “Forgotten Love” and “A Different Kind of Human”, can you tell us the process of creating these? What is the inspiration behind it?

I care a lot about people [laughs]. I think it’s hard for people to talk about their emotions when they don’t know how to express when something is wrong or why or even understand why we are sad. Sometimes it’s hard to understand why we’re not feeling well about things. I wanted to make simple words to explain complicated emotions. So I just wanted to make a language for people to explain their emotions. It also sounds really nice and poetic.

You’ve mentioned that some of your ideas come up when you dream. What is the best dream you could recall?

I love all the dreams I’ve had. I love it when dreams make me do impossible things, like when I go on an adventure or flying—that’s my favorite dream. I did dream, the other day, that I was a stone at the bottom of the sea and I was just watching everything above me. It felt like the dream lasted for a thousand years. As a stone, I was just watching the world go by, for hundreds and thousands of years. When I woke up, I got inspired and realized how much life comes and goes. It’s really fascinating. I love being inspired by dreams. In Infections of a Different Kind, there’s a song that I wrote, almost in a dream, I just woke up in the middle of the night and let it play in my head.

“I just can’t stop singing, I can’t stop writing. The world is very inspiring.”

How did you know that you were a stone?

I just kind of feel it, and everything around me went so quickly when I was a stone. Time went much quicker for me and everything around it because a stone has such a long life. I think I really dreamed that I was a stone because all the life around me moved so fast—I don’t know I just had a feeling that I was a stone. It was really magical, and it was a good dream.

You lived on a small island in Bergen, Norway. How do you think growing up around nature shaped the way you think?

It shaped a lot. I really needed nature my whole childhood. I’ve grown up and thought of how important nature is and how beautiful it is. Everything you need to live is in nature so you learn to respect nature. I’ve often walked around in the forest when I was a child—I was more outside than inside my whole childhood, and I just think that being surrounded by big trees and the big animals and you will get a perspective over things if you realize that you’re big compared to the bugs, that you’re so small compared to the trees and the mountains. There are just so many beautiful things there, and it’s very humbling. I really love nature and I don’t think I would be the same without it.

You’ve shared with NME a guide on being peaceful and happy. How did you come up with these? What was the journey leading up to this realization?

I think the main reason why people find themselves a bit unhappy or stressed every day is that we forget to be kind to ourselves and others. There’s just this pressure to accomplish so much every day. Sometimes a successful day is just surviving it. We don’t need more sometimes. We don’t always have to have a successful day. As long as you survive it, that’s enough.

The world would have more happy people if we are all ready to help the people around us; It would benefit all of us when all people are more happy. It can be hard. When I can’t do things I want to do, I tell myself “it’s okay.” It’s okay to not be successful all the time, as long as you’re good to yourself. And when I’m good to myself, I can be better for the people around me and I can see my fans and hear their stories. Everything I do becomes better because I can give more to the world when I am good to myself. So all my life I’ve been happier when I’m not busy and I’m good to myself.

You pride yourself in being extremely free. What is one thing you’ve always wanted to try?

I’ve always wanted to jump with a parachute. I really want to know what it’s like to fly. I would love to be a bird—that would be the biggest dream. I would love to jump with a parachute just to experience flying for a few minutes. There are a lot of things I would love to try. I’m very hungry for life, and I’m very hungry to try most things that the world has to offer me. I would like to dance more and paint more. I would like to make a theater piece with music. I would like to make the best live show for people. I would like to focus more on the environment. I don’t know; there are a lot of things I want to try and I want to do. It’s very exciting.

Are you a big fan of musical theater?

Yes, I am! I would like to make a live show with a whole story. I would like to make a live show that is more than just a concert. It’s a big dream of mine to connect the two.

Do you have any plans on coming to the Philippines or anywhere in Asia?

Not this year, but I hope that next year I can be in more countries in Asia. I would love to go to wherever my fans are and this year, I’m going to Hong Kong, China, Tokyo, Seoul, and Singapore. I’m going to a few places but I would love to visit more places in Asia. It’s my biggest wish actually to be more in Asia and to meet my fans from all different countries. It’s a very big dream of mine. I could almost promise that next year, I will come to visit.

Written by Casey Eridio Art by Elbert Uba Photos by Morgan Hill Murphy Courtesy of Universal Music

[futurewriter2000]

Perfection ~Pt. 2

A/N: Yeah, I accidentally posted my draft but yolo. I fixed it immediatelly and just want to say this fic helped me so much today. I gues I was feeling really down and now I feel a little bit better. I hope you guys like it.

XX

Since everything that happened, you were doing better but even if you still continued to act as if nothing has ever happened, it did and the dark bits inside of you were still there.

You haven’t cried since that day. If you were honest with yourself, you couldn’t cry anymore. As if nothing could ever make you sad enough for you to shed a tear, big or small, one or a million. And no matter where you were, in a room filled with sun and light or a dark and poorly lit space, everything was still the same.

You never truly knew the real joy, what your actual laugh sounded or what a genuine smile appeared to be... your happiness was an act, your laugh fake and your smile forced that it sometimes hurt your jaw.

Excitement, amusement, hope, relief, love, affection... When was the last time you felt any of those? Would you even be able to recognize those emotions if you ever felt them again?

“ I am going to Hufflepuffs a bit. Find Jonah.” your roommate got up from her bed and winked at you.

“ Jonah? Your brother Jonah?” you asked, smiling at her.

“ Yeah. He said he got an O in last year’s essay on Goblin battles and I’m going to copy it from him.” she smiled mischievously. “ I can ask his roommates for theirs and you can copy theirs?” she asked and you shook your head.

“ No, thanks. Mine is already written.”

“ Alright. Then good luck to your Arithmancy exam tomorrow.” she glanced down on your book and walked through the door. “ You’ve got this!” she shouted before closing them.

Your smile faded as soon as she left and you threw the book beside you. You sat there, silently, your mind blank, your eyes directed anywhere. You looked at the bathroom door and got up.

You were standing in front of the mirror. The reflection of (y/n) that appeared in front of everybody wasn’t real.

If they knew. If they only knew what goes through your mind. If they knew how much you scream, how many times you lost your inner voice because of it, how many times you looked at yourself and wanted to hit the mirror because you felt so hideous. You disgusted yourself at how you acted, how you talked, how you sounded, when you laughed and how you walked or how you turned out to be on the photos. The wrists were too wide, the nose too big, lips too small, hair the same as always, the ruby-red ring on your ring finger was looking so awful on it. If your roommate wore it, it would probably look prettier on her.

The sound of water running from the pipe awoke you from your thoughts. It was loud, too loud almost and you put your hands under, watching how the water soaked them. You splashed your face once or twice, rubbing your eyes with your palms and later running your hands through your hair.

The ponytail was too tight.

You loosed the rubber band and looked at your hair in the mirror.

“ So ugly.” you gritted your teeth and glared at your reflection, grabbing your hair aggressively and putting them in a bun. Without a look in the mirror, you turned your way and left back to your dorm.

Immediately you opened the window and pulled down your sweater. The air was stiff and suffocating. It was too hot and it smelt like the awful perfume your other roommates loved to wear.

You stepped next to your bed, you saw the wrinkled sheet and you stared at it for some odd reason. You stared at the wrinkles and you gritted your teeth once again.

At one point you wanted to iron the wrinkles and sit down but at the other, you’ve wanted to take the scissors and tear it apart.

Instead, you sat back down and took the book you were previously reading.

‘ “ Shh.” he shushed quietly, holding onto you tightly and pressing your head closer at his chest. “ It’s rough and it’s hard but you have to know it’s not the end.” he whispered quietly into your ear. “ At least not for you.” ‘

The same Seville orange- Bergamot entered your nostrils and you closed your eyes shut, imagining how relaxing it felt to smell the citrus once again. The trees, the field and Italian old men walking around with a lovely smile on their faces.

‘ “ This is jesvah, the Turkish coffee pot. You put in the water and wait for it to boil.” the old man beamed, his Italian accent drawing your attention more than it should have.

“ And what then.”

“ Well, we wait for it to boil.” he laughed and sat on the wooden chair while you continued to look at jesvah. “ See, little Bella. Most of the European people learn to make Turkish coffee since they are very little, your age. And look.” he stood up and grabbed the sugar. “ One, two.” he put two spoon-fulls of sugar in it. “ And now it boils and we take the pot from the fire.” he carefully removed.

“ Is it done now?” you asked and continued to watch as he reached up for the coffee.

“ No, not yet. “ he laughed again and put three spoon-fulls in, mixing it with the water and putting it back on the hot stove. “ We put it back and we wait for the coffee to rise to the edge, yet we must be careful that it doesn’t go over.” he looked back at you and winked.

You let out a burst of small, child-like laughter and pointed at the pot. “ It’s coming up!” you shouted and he chuckled once again, removing the pot, waiting for the coffee to settle and pouring it into a coffee cup.

He placed the hot coffee cup in front of you and watched as you stared into it. “ Smell it.” he smiled and you leaned forward, breathing in the sensational smell of coffee. “ No, no.”

“ No?” you looked at him.

He leaned forward and pushed the coffee cup closer to you. “ Smell it. Close your eyes, breathe it in and let it fill your heart instead of your lungs. “ ‘

The old man was still inside your memory, the same as he was when you were nine years old. You could remember his long, slim fingers. The ring finger had a wide golden ring on it and a P engraved in it. The first letter of his wife’s name, Palmira. His eyes were jade green and his eyelids were hanging a bit above them because of his age. His upper lip was thin, his lower a bit more full. Above his light pink lips was a nose, long bridge and pointy, yet his tip was a bit rounder. Eyebrows, they were dense as his hair, dark grey colour with a few white strands. His skin was tanned. He was a white man, yet from all his work on the field, it was dark brown, sometimes with darker shades on his shoulders and below his eyes.

‘ “ You know what makes me feel better when I’m down?” he looked down on you while you were sitting on the grass with your knee bruised, tears falling down your cheeks.

“ What?” you sniffed and brushed the tears with your sleeve.

“ Coffee.” he beamed and squeezed your chin gently. “ Want to help me make it?” he asked and you giggled, getting up on your feet and taking his hand, pulling him towards the house.

“ Yeah!” ‘

You felt your lips curve into a smile from the happiest memory of the man and the coffee. ‘ No matter how dark life gets, coffee makes it at least a tiny bit better. ‘ you remembered his words and you let out a snort. That man and his obsession for coffee sure was something.

You closed the book and got on your feet, walking down the common room, out on the hall and through the Hogwarts ground, down the kitchen, tickling the giggly pear and entering the kitchen.

“ Do you have a Turkish coffee pot?”

---

You smiled at the freshly made Turkish coffee and you couldn’t help but smile as the steam made pleasing swerves.

‘ “ You know what I do before I drink it.” he smiled, leaning on the table and looking at it and you mirroring his position.

“ What?”

“ I tell it how beautiful it is.” ‘

You laughed at another memory, feeling so foolish to even think about what you were about to do.

‘ “ That’s stupid.”

“ It’s not stupid. It makes it taste better, especially if its made from love.” ‘

“ Old fool.” you snorted, looking at the coffee cup and rethinking the words in your head. “ No, way I’m saying this...” you told yourself but after a moment or so you lifted your chin from the table and looked down on the light brown colored coffee.

You took it in your hand and closed your eyes. “ Close your eyes, breathe it in and let it fill your heart instead of your lungs.” you repeated his words and took a deep breath in, doing exactly as you said it.

The curve on your lips stretched wider and before your lips touched the cup you whispered. “ You are beautiful.”

“ And you are talking to a coffee cup.” chuckled the boy standing at the entrance and shaking his head.

“ sHH.” you raised your finger in the air and pressed your lips on the cup, taking a small sip. “ Ahh.” you let out a satisfying sound, feeling the warmth fill your stomach as well as your heart. “ What are you doing here?”

“ Getting food.” he smiled and walked to the three pieces of cakes that stood on the counter.

“ Liar.” you narrowed your eyes at him. “ You’re stalking me.”

He grabbed the fork and stabbed the middle cake, tasting it. “ Oh, this cake is good. A bit too fruity but still sweet.”

“ Sirius.” you tilted your head on the side and continued to look at him.

“ Alright!” he lifted his hands in defeat. “ I am stalking you but do you blame me?” he asked and your expression immediately turned flat. “ I’m just checking if you’re alright.”

“ Look, what happened on the Astronomy tower...it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m fine and I have my coffee and I’m showing it my love...” you drifted off, glancing at the cakes in front of Sirius. “ And you have cake!” you smiled but he still watched you cautiously. “ I’m fine.”

“ You know for someone who’s “fine” you really try too hard to convince me.” he stabbed the cake once again and put the piece in his mouth.

“ Doesn’t matter anymore, Sirius.” you brushed him off and sat on the counter, taking a sip of your coffee.

“ Bullshit, it doesn’t matter!” he scoffed. “ You wanted to-”

“ Sirius!” you cut him. “ Not here.” you glanced at the elves and he sighed.

“ I’m just saying that what happened that night doesn’t just go away. I know you’re pretending like everything is fine. Trust me, I’m a professional at it. I can see directly through the fake smiles and the forced laughs. I’m not dumb.”

“ I- I-” you were lost with words.

“ Whatever I told you that night- it didn’t stick, did it?” he glared at you. “ You’re still pushing it down, bottling everything in and listening to others. That’s why I’m looking after you. Because if you try again and if I’m not there to stop you... I couldn’t live with myself because I could have stopped it and I just let you do it again without any lecture.”

“ Lecture?!” you scoffed and put the coffee down.

“ Yes, lecture. You wanted to do it! And I didn’t tell the professors as I should have. And now you’re going through the same shit all over again.”

“ Ugh!” you tilted your head backward and closed your eyes. “ Okay, fine! Fine!” you looked back at him. “ I still feel the same as I did before, okay?! Nothing has changed! NOTHING! But what can I do?! I have to be the same as I was before. I have to pretend because if I don’t then everybody will just go walking around that I have changed and that I turned to a looney person.”

“ So? Let them talk. “

“ You don’t get it, Sirius. All my life, I’ve been thought to be perfect. Perfect kid, perfect posture, perfect hair, perfect life, perfect grades-”

“ Screw that.”

“ No. I have worked too hard to throw it all away.”

“ Don’t you see it’s ruining you!”

“ I’m already ruined! There is no fix for me. I can’t just change everything and be happy. It doesn’t work like that.” you took the coffee cup and threw the coffee in the sink, leaving the cup on the counter and storming out of the kitchen.

[daphneyoumustmakehaste]

JAMILTON - VALENTINES DAY - MODERN AU

Alex stood back to admire his work. The day was 14.02.19, and Alex had managed to get the day off to surprise Thomas. It hadn’t been easy however. After a long series of ‘its not for Valentine’s Day’ ,and ‘I’m just not feeling very well today’ with loads of fake coughing, Hamilton had finally managed to convince Washington to let him have the one day break he desired.

Now he was stood around his small table, laying out all the decorations. He had started of with a soft iris shaded tablecloth and had steadily added more and more decorations.

Alex stood back and smiled fondly at the purple themed table. The centrepiece had a grand, modern candle that he would light as soon as Thomas came through the door: which he would. It was Valentine’s Day; if he didn’t come to visit him, Alex would be dumping him — over text.

Alex’s chocolate eyes flickered up at the clock which was perched on the white, brick wall. He still had, at least, fifty minutes before Thomas escaped the clutches of what was probably going to be a strict and weary George Washington. Then, he still had twenty minutes additional time as it took Hamilton twenty minutes to walk to work. However, Thomas was a fast walker, so reducing that to eighteen minutes, he had (approximately) around an hour before the moment of truth.

Alex sighed as he turned on the oven. He couldn’t believe he was doing this for Thomas of all people. If you told him a year ago that he would be dating Thomas Jefferson he would have presumably screamed and burst into tears.

The thing was, none of their friends knew they were dating. The two had been going out for two months now and were dreading the day their friends found out. Jefferson and Hamilton has hated each other before Christmas. That was when everything changed.

It was Christmas Day, and the two were at each-others throats, more irritable than usual; the whole Cabinet had been forced to stop overnight due to being snowed in. It was a long story, but they had gone to get coffee and found out they had more in common then they both thought. They had started dating almost immediately after on New Years Eve.

And their friends still thought they hated each other.

It was no use denying Hamilton adored Jefferson’s kisses. Alex sighed longingly and smiled, lifting himself up onto the marble counter next to the oven. They were so soft. So irresistible. So...

Hamilton was too wrapped up in his own head that he didn’t realise the macaroni and cheese was almost done. He smirked as he imagined Thomas’ voice in his head.

‘I’m that irresistible am I?’ That would be what he would most likely say. And then he would snake his arms around his waist–

The macaroni and cheese.

Alex cautiously pulled out the heated tray and set it on the countertop. He winced at the pain this caused his hands and regretted not using gloves. Cooking safety wasn’t his best subject to say the least.

Alexander smiled as he began dishing the macaroni and cheese onto two smaller trays. He hoped Thomas would be impressed by his sensational work and expertise in designing tables.

As he strode towards the table with the two plates, he noticed something rather off about the set up of the table. Confused, he set the two plates down and stood back to get a better view of the table he called a masterpiece.

It all looked fine though: the tablecloth was right, the knives and forks were in the correct place, the centrepiece was exactly in the middle, the vases were at a perfect size and even the god damn swan napkins via YouTube were immaculate, so what was it?

Then he realised what was off. Although the vases were at a considerable size, they had no flowers in them.

He almost laughed at his stupidity. The flowers! Anxiety flooded through his veins and he turned around to look at the clock. He had twenty minutes left. He was screwed. The nearest shop he knew that sold lavenders was twenty minutes away.

Last night, Thomas had mentioned he had a garden to himself when he was younger where he grew flowers. Alex had asked him what his favourite flower was and Thomas had responded with ‘lavenders.’

Alex felt a sense of defeat run through this body. That had never happened before. He just wanted this to be perfect! His phone pinged.

ALizard

Hey Alex! Look at these flowers I created for me and Maria tonight!

Eliza was good at art and crafts...

———

Hamilton heard the familiar opening of the door before it even happened. His heart was thumping against his chest. He took a big gulp of breath, surprised his lungs still worked.

“Lex?” Alex felt a blush creeping its way up his neck at the nickname. “Lex!” The footsteps were coming closer up the stairs; Hamilton lived in a flat. Alex’s mind was swarming with different possibilities of how Thomas would react . “I thought I’d come see you as it’s-“

The door opened and Alex felt the floor sway beneath his feet. Taking deep breaths, he cautiously looked up. Thomas was standing there, five bags in hand, lost for words. Completely lost.

Alex smirked at this. He watched as Thomas stood there baffled, trying to form words. Thomas’ eyes locked with his and Alex felt his confidence slip away again. He quickly diverted his gaze down to the floor, pulling his sleeves down to cover his sweating hands.

“Washington said you were ill!“

There was a sudden thud on the floor that made Alex jump. There were heavy footsteps on the wooden floor that made his breath hitch.

He sensed Thomas’ hands wrap around his waist and exhaled deeply.

Alex nuzzled his head in Thomas’ neck and hugged him back. “I missed you,” he murmured into his shoulder.

“I missed you too,” Thomas whispered back into his ear, sending shivers down his spine. Thomas’ lips grazed over his cheek and made their way over to his.

Alex gasped as Thomas’ cold hands snuck up his green t-shirt. Thomas laughed mid-kiss and pulled away. Alex hit his arm and crossed his arms across his chest.

“You look cute when you’re angry.” Thomas smirked and loosened his tie. Alex scowled.

“Well I’m about to be fucking gorgeous.”

He huffed as Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Okay. Come back to me when you’re my height.”

“You’re like three inches taller than me!”

Thomas smiled. “Do I smell macaroni and cheese?” He asked, his dark eyes questioning and hopeful.

“Yeah, and now I have to reheat it because you took so long coming back. Also, turn the light off, it needs to be romantic,” Hamilton complained, acting like a whiny child. Jefferson let out a breathy laugh at his inner thought.

As Alex left, he turned towards the light. Had the ‘stoic, witty’ Alexander Hamilton took the time off to do all of this for him? He switched the light off and heard Alex begin heating the macaroni and cheese.

He rested his head against the wall and took a deep breath. It had been a hard day at work, he thought, yawning. He couldn’t wait to get back and collapse onto his bed.

He heard the microwave stop buzzing from the other room. “Thomas, sit down,” Alex’s voice called.

He took a seat on one of the chairs and gazed into the dark: the room only slightly illuminated by the stars outside.

A candle was lit up and Thomas chuckled. He saw Alex set one tray down for himself and another in front of Thomas.

“You’re so romantic,” Thomas remarked, a grin evident on his face.

“No I’m not,” Alex snapped back. Thomas just raised an eyebrow in response.

“I noticed the flowers too, thank you.” Alex looked up, almost snapping his neck in the process. “Oh, no problem.” Thomas frowned. Alex had been acting really jumpy and awkward today.

They sat in a comfortable silence, the only sound being of the forks and knives scraping against the tray.

Thomas looked up at the flowers again, his eyes more adjusted to the dim light. On further inspection, they hardly looked like flowers at all. He slowly picked one up and held it to his nose.

“Hamilton...” Alexander looked up. His eyes widened. “Why don’t these feel or smell like lavenders?”

“I got them from a bad shop,” Alex replied almost immediately.

“Hamilton.” Thomas repeated. “You and I both know Mrs. Jones sells the best flowers in the whole of New York City.”

“I didn’t go to Mrs. Jones’”

“Mr. West’s? Mrs. Foster’s?”

There was a silence. “No...”

“Hamilton,” Thomas said again, exasperated.

“Thomas Jefferson will you do the honours of becoming my husband.”

“Hamilton.” Thomas laughed. “No, I will not.” He stood up from his chair and walked around the table. “Hamilton,” Thomas sighed.

Alex lunged up out of his seat and grabbed Thomas by the waist, catching him of guard. He connected their lips and ran in hands through Thomas’ hair. Thomas murmured something in the kiss and pulled away, a look of amusement and annoyance on his face.

“Don’t change the subject by kissing me, it’s not going to work.” Hamilton looked down at the ground and began messing with his hands.

“Did you make the lavenders? Yes or no?”

Alex blinked a few times. Why was he getting upset over something so small! It was only some stupid flowers. He nodded slowly and bit his lip. He wanted everything to be perfect to prove he was better than Thomas at everything!

Of course he had forgotten something. He couldn’t do anything right.

Thomas looked at Alex in shock. Was that a tear cascading down his face? Over something so simple? It must have meant a lot to him.

Thomas’ heart shattered a bit. “Hey, ‘Lex?” He said softly, taking Alex’s hands in his. “Look up at me.” Alex just shook his head. “Hey, I’m not mad. Just look up at me okay?” He heard Alexander sniffle and watched as he raised his head.

His eyes were slightly puffy and red, tears still making their way down his cheeks. Still holding Alex’s hands, he walked over to the sofa and sat Alex down on his lap.

“Look, I’m not mad. I just don’t know why you’re crying,” he explained wiping some of his tears away, but they just kept falling.

“You...You think I’m weak don’t you?”

Thomas stared at Alex in disbelief. “Weak?” His voice cracked. “You? Never in a million years would I think you’re weak.”

Thomas picked Alex up and placed him besides him. “Just tell me why you’re so upset and we can fix it”

Alex sniffled again and buried his head into the crook of his neck. “I wanted to impress you. I wanted to prove I was better than you at designing tables and making macaroni and cheese.”

Thomas laughed lightly and cuddled up to him. “You’ve proven yourself. I’m not sure about the macaroni and cheese part, but you impressed me.”

Thomas pecked Alex’s forehead. “I got you something today, you wanna see?” Alex nodded in response. Thomas got up off the sofa and walked over to his pile of bags near the door. He picked up one of the bags and walked back over to his boyfriend.

“Have a look,” he whispered, rubbing Alex’s back gently and resting his chin on his shoulder.

The first thing Alex pulled out was a lion plushie: It’s legs floppy and it’s mane fuzzy.

“For my little lion,” Thomas said, smirking. Alex pushed him away. “Shut up!”

The second thing Alex pulled out was a small book. It was an antique, leather-bound notebook with his name engraved on the front.

‘Property of Alexander Hamilton’

Hamilton set the book down on the table and snuggled up to Jefferson. “Thank you so much.”

“So you like it?” Jefferson asked tentatively, fiddling with Hamilton’s dark hair. Alex hummed in response and yawned, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

“Are you tired?” Thomas inquired as Alex lay his head on his shoulder.

“A bit.”

Without saying anything, Thomas lifted Alex up and walked to his bedroom, practically throwing him into the sheets. “What the fuck Jefferson?” Alex said, glaring at him.

“Sorry,” Thomas laughed, holding his hands up. He sat down on the bed and crawled over to Alex, who had his legs crossed.

Thomas pushed down on his chest and lay on top of him. “Hey.”

Alex rolled his eyes and flipped them over so he was on top. “Hey.”

Thomas pushed him off with a slight nudge and scooted up to him. “Permission to sleep in Alexander Hamilton’s bed?”

“Permission granted.” Alex smiled back.

The two woke up entangled in each other’s arms.

[arianaofimladris]

Reversed roles

I posted this story almost a year ago, but someone reminded me of its existance today and I feel like going back to this idea and maybe writing a bit more...

This is an AU ficlet with Feanaro reborn as a child and placed in Fingolfin’s care. Fluffy. Feel free to drop hints for me.

Reversed roles

 The first time the envoy of the Valar came, Nolofinwe was mortified. Like it usually was with them, there wasn’t really a place for arguing. Namo, Nolofinwe had to admit, seemed kind of desperate. He said he could find no one else for the task and he would not charge any of Fëanaro’s sons with it. All in all, it was a good thing to make a Vala owe you, so Nolofinwe finally agreed.

Which, in result, left him in charge of his brother. His elder brother, currently a pouting child with a charming smile, when he bothered to reward him with one. And, unfortunately, his far less charming personality and memories. Nolofinwe immediately understood why he was chosen. Nerdanel already had her seven sons in various stages of emotional maturity to deal with and it would be unfair to charge her and adolescent Maitimo with the care of Fëanaro.

When Namo’s servant brought his brother, Fëanaro was visibly displeased. He clearly found it humiliating that the Maia was carrying him, but as they were both told, the distance was too great for his short legs to manage. The Maia warned the second son of Finwe that he may face emotional instability and mood changes, then left. As if Nolofinwe had not known his brother.

‘You will not treat me like a child’ was the first thing he heard when they were left alone. He found it hard to follow when he was told so by someone who barely reached his thigh. His brother was no longer so imposing, no matter how hard he tried. At first Nolofinwe found it somewhat amusing.

They walked together across the inner yard to the main building. It was a smaller house Nolofinwe chose from time to time, when he wished to spend some time away from his brother’s court. Right now he was almost sure it was one reason more why he was chosen to be put in charge of Fëanaro. They were in quite a desolate place. Findekano and Findarato were going to drop by in the next few days, but Nolofinwe wouldn’t be really surprised if they were told by someone not to come.

“Where is your forge?” asked Fëanaro, looking around with interest.

“Have you ever known me for having one?” replied Nolofinwe with a question. “Besides, I will not let you go to any forge right now.”

“You will not tell me what to do!”

“What would you do in a forge anyway?” Nolofinwe deliberately knelt to be at the child’s level. “Sit on a stool and swing your legs? You are too small to reach most of the things and I doubt you have enough strength to lift, let’s say, a hammer.”

“I suppose I don’t,” agreed Fëanaro grumpily. “So, I am to stay with you. I hope you have some books at least.”

“I think you’ll find something interesting. I can show you the library, if you wish.” Perhaps it was for the best to let Fëanaro spend some time alone before trying to talk with him. It must have been so confusing to come back to life as a child. He himself had not had such experience, being brought to Anaire as a grown elf.

“That would be nice,” replied the boy politely. Definitely confusing, decided Nolofinwe.

“Then come with me, Pityanaro,” he said and chuckled as his tiny elder brother glared daggers at him.

xxx

Fëanaro seemed satisfied when he was given several lore books to study and a sketchbook. He seemed to be buzzing with various ideas and even though he was forbidden to use any kind of workshop, it didn’t mean he couldn’t make some plans. Nolofinwe was pleased to find his brother willing to explain what he was sketching, even if he was terribly frustrated with the clumsiness of his little fingers. Still, it was refreshing and oddly pleasant to see him working, even if he looked ridiculous sitting by Nolofinwe’s desk, way too big for him.

The second son of Finwe decided to return to his studio and leave Fëanaro to his projects, as he was obviously thrilled to be able to create again, even with his limited possibilities. He left the doors open, so he could hear his brother, should he need anything, but he doubted Fëanaro would require anything anytime soon.

xxx

There was a loud thunk!, a startled cry and then something hit the floor. Judging by the muffled whimper, a very stubborn, childish and Feanorish something. Nolofinwe shook his head and went out to check on the damage.

There was a broken shelf and a big, heavy book laying on the floor. Several smaller books were tossed around and in the middle of this chaos sat Fëanaro, doing his best trying not to look distraught. The boy sniffled once, twice, his eyes welled with tears. He wiped them away angrily and stood up, when a muffled sob escaped his lips.

“What’s wrong, Fëanaro? Are you alright?”

“N-nothing,” sniffled his elder brother and Nolofinwe immediately realised his mistake. Never, ever act around a hurt child as if something serious happened, or else they would flood in tears before you know it. It seemed that he had just triggered the childish part of his brother.

“You know, it is quite alright to cry if it hurts,” remarked Nolofinwe more casually, following his brother as he stumbled on the corridor, books and all the mess forgotten.

“It d-doesn’t!”

“You have splinters in your calf. AND you are dripping blood on the floor.” Nolofinwe easily picked his brother up and placed on his hip. Despite his claims, Fëanaro subconsciously sought comfort and didn’t really oppose when Nolofinwe hugged him more closely and carried him to the bathroom.

“Now I am dripping blood on you,” muttered the boy matter-of-factly.

“So you are.”

Nolofinwe seated him on a chair and went to seek for some clean towel and a piece of bandage. When he turned again, Fëanaro was already fumbling around his leg, trying to remove long splinters.

“Let me.” Nolofinwe knelt beside him, seeing how his brother’s hands were shaking.

“I know how to do that. I have seven sons!”

“You’re the size of your youngest boys right now, the last I saw them at least.”

“Can I go and see them? And play with them?” This time he didn’t manage to fully hide his interest; the child part of his older brother was showing again, whether he liked it or not.

Nolofinwe smirked. Fëanaro spent half of the time performing his usual tasks (or at least attempting, as much as his small body would let him), but then came the moments when his childish part took over and he did things adequate for the age he looked like. Then, of course, he would deny anything had actually happened.

“Not now, certainly. Leave those scissors, they are too big for you. Don’t act like a child and let me do that.”

xxx

“I wish to see Nerdanel,” stated Fëanaro after they finished their late dinner.

Nolofinwe arched his eyebrow, trying hard to ignore the tiny legs swinging under the table and occasionally kicking the chair.

“You’ll see her once you’re a bit bigger,” he replied calmly. “I know you miss her, but she is far too busy with your sons to charge her with you as well.”

That was a really charming pout that appeared on his brother’s face. Fëanaro stared grimly at his plate for a long time, sulking.

“So they screwed again,” he muttered angrily. “The Valar. They should have let me out first, so I we could deal with our children together, like we once had.”

“Have you known the Valar to be always right?” asked Nolofinwe and he was rewarded with a surprised smile. “And... You know, I am not going to strangle or poison you. I am trying to get things... better,” he said finally.

“I know. So should I,” sighed Fëanaro and a tiny hand grasped Nolofinwe’s fingers. “I am glad to be out of there. I just want to return to my family.”

“Soon,” promised Nolofinwe. “And besides, it wouldn’t look well if I sent you back to Mandos, would it?” he said teasingly. “Hey, Fëanaro! I’m just jesting!” he called, alarmed, as the boy ran to the window and stared in amazement.

Fëanaro ignored him, still staring. Nolofinwe joined him and saw the full moon slowly raising on the sky. The child seemed to be utterly mesmerized.

“This night lamp is magnificent,” said Fëanaro in wonder. “It’s absolutely beautiful.”

“It is,” agreed Nolofinwe. He picked his brother up so he could see more clearly. “And it doesn’t obscure the sight of the stars.”

Fëanaro was enchanted by the silver light of the moon. Nolofinwe remembered that the Halls of Mandos were a shadowy place with nothing real around the bodiless fëas. His brother was taking being alive again surprisingly well, but no wonder he was so caught up with the sight of something he had never seen directly before.

The evening was warm and pleasant, so Nolofinwe decided to take his brother out. He still kept him in his arms, but Fëanaro didn’t really mind that, too busy watching the moon and all the stars he didn’t know, including his Silmaril. Seeing that, Nolofinwe sang a praise for Elbereth. He walked through the garden, enjoying the silence and the company of his not-so-awful elder brother. Before he knew, Fëanaro’s childish part took over him and the boy fell asleep in his arms.

As he did so, Nolofinwe nestled him more comfortably and carried him back to the house. It was only after he placed Fëanaro in a bed when he was hit by the sudden realisation. As interesting as this experience was, no one told him how long it was going to look like that before his brother would be an adult again.

[allforlovephff]

Chapter Seven

A/N: Here is the next chapter and I am quite excited to share it with you all! Please let me know what you think of it, it’s hard to find motivation to keep writing but the simplest messages help tremendously with that!

Harry climbed out of his pilot’s seat of the Apache helicopter after returning from a flight. He glanced down towards his waistband and secured his gun before tucking away his flight book. Simon climbed to the ground beside the prince and looked up with apologetic and thankful eyes.

“Thanks for taking over, Wales.” Simon shook his head while looking to the ground with defeat. “I just froze, I don’t know what happened.”

The prince sighed heavily, being finally able to release a deep breath after what had just happened on their flight that put everyone’s lives at risk. Simon was the captain of the Apache and during mid flight he zoned out and stopped ordering commands of the squad as soon as they enter into the combat zone. Luckily, Harry picked up on what was going on and took control of the Apache before everyone else’s lives were put on immediate danger, but it was a close call.

He felt awful that his dear friend was going through something like this and being so far away from home without being able to do anything, but this, this could not happen again. “Si, as a friend I know the past few days have been extremely difficult for you and I cannot imagine what is going on in your head right now.” Harry and Simon started to slowly walk behind the rest of the squad, out of ear shot from Luca and Owen. “But, as a fellow pilot.” He breathed out. “You just put more lives on the line in that situation and that was completely unacceptable. Whatever is in your head cannot affect your flying again or…” The prince paused and glanced up from the ground towards his friend to see the somber expression formed on Simon’s face.

“I will have to stop flying.” Simon nodded. Understanding that he was placing Harry in a tough spot. “I put my squad’s lives on the line today, Harry. I need to get my head right.”

“Do you want to go speak to someone? Maybe a good chat will help ease the mind a bit?” Harry attempted to convince Simon who shot down the idea quicker than Harry brought it up mainly out of fear that the conversation would reach their superiors and Simon’s flying would be brought into question.

Harry’s eyes lifted hearing children laughing in the near distance. His eyes fell on Emily giggling away as she meandered through a small group of Afghan children with a football. They were all screaming and chasing after her as she fought to pick them all off of her body as they clung on tightly to her. Emily kicked the ball towards a little girl who was evidently the smallest one in the group and ran her little heart out to get the ball, but was trampled over by the bigger kids as she fell to the ground.

Emily jogged over to the girl who was now balling her eyes out sitting on the ground holding her knee tight to her chest. She knelt down and stood the little one up and brushed the sand off of her knees before consoling her. The little girl nodded and Emily smiled before giving her a big engulfing hug. Emily picked the little girl up and swung her around making her cries turn into an endless string of giggles.

“That stubbornness is going to kill you one day, Si. Or even me.” Harry walked off without another word feeling an inner rage building within. He headed towards Emily, wanting to let off a little steam and join the game with the kids. A distraction from his thoughts was exactly what he needed in that moment, and Emily was definitely a great distraction for him.

“Em!” Harry called out her name as her head turned and became distracted by the soldier running towards her flashing a beaming grin.

“Hey you.” The smile that grew on her lips was exactly what Harry longed to see after such a stressful flight. “Want to join in? I am sure they won’t care if I beat you.” She placed her hand on her hips and egged him on with a wink.

“Oh! It’s so on!” Harry took off his sweater and tossed it aside.

Emily turned around and yelled at the children in Arabic, telling them that Harry was going to play and to gang up on him. But, she decided to keep that little secret to herself as they started screaming and piling on top of him making Emily laugh hysterically while taking control of the football.

“No! You cannot speak in Arabic, that is soo not fair!” Harry protested profusely as he plucked each child off of him while Emily ran ahead.

“Afraid of a little challenge are we, Captain Wales?” Emily took off ahead kicking the ball as the prince chased after her, closing in the distance quickly.

He placed his hand on her side and tried to kick the ball from between her legs, but she angled her body into the pilot and gave him a cheeky elbow to back off. “Is that how you are going to play huh?” The close proximity towards Harry was clouding her mind, distracting her from what she was doing.

“Yes, Wales.” Emily did a move and snuck around him leaving the prince in her dust as the children around them started screaming to catch up with the blonde. She passed the ball off to the little girl that had been crying earlier and she kicked the ball into the net. She started jumping up and down with her arms in the air cheering so loud as Emily picked her up and placed her on top of her shoulders, running around to celebrate the goal.

Harry stood there with a beaming smile plastered on his lips as Emily approached with the little girl on her shoulders that was smiling from ear to ear with glee. The pilot offered the little girl a high five to which she happily gave to Harry. “Nice goal! The girl clapped her hands as she beamed proudly of her efforts. Emily placed her on the ground, but she immediately was drawn to Harry. She tapped his leg with her tiny hand and tugged on his pants to lift her up.

“You want up?” Harry held his arms out and looked up to Emily. “Does she want up?” Emily combed through her dark hair with her fingers and asked her in Arabic as she nodded and lifted her arms up in the air. “Yes, Amira wants you to pick her up.” Emily watched the interaction briefly, but a little boy kicked the ball towards her and yelled her name. She turned around and took off, leaving Harry holding in the child in his arms.

“Do you want to play still, Amira?” He asked the little girl, who probably did not understand a word he was saying, but she pointed to where the ball was and he took off running with her in his arms ensuring she was cradled against his body securely.

Emily and Harry were sitting with the small group of children down on the sandy ground as she offered some water to their tired little bodies. They were jumping around talking to Emily as she attempted to include the prince and translate what they were saying to her as he sat with Amira clinging tightly to him.

She glanced down at Amira and smiled, watching how Amira was enthralled with Harry. “Looks like you have made a new little friend, Henry.” Emily casted her blue eyes up to lock in the prince’s gaze.

“Looks like I have.” He released a deep chuckle as Emily helped the little girl take a sip of water that splashed down onto Harry’s legs.

One of the boys was a bit shy and hiding behind Emily staring at the prince. But, each time Harry looked at him, he shied away behind the blonde doctor. He whispered something in her ear and she giggled. “He wants to know how to get big and tall like you.”

“You eat your veggies.” Harry barked a laugh and tossed his head back. Emily grinned and told the boy what Harry’s answer was and he shook his head with a look of disgust that made both of them start to laugh.

The two of them sat there and enjoyed the company of the children that were a welcomed distraction for both. Emily had a tough morning at the hospital and needed an escape while hearing the little children laugh and play helped Harry de-stress and clear his mind from what happened with Simon.

Harry’s gaze was steady on Emily, watching her play with the children brought him some sort of inner comfort. Or maybe it was simply being in her presence that instantly calmed the prince. Either way, he felt that it was the right time to ask her on a date tonight.

“Em?” He coaxed her attention away from the children as her blue eyes darted towards him with an endearingly full smile.

“Yes, Henry?” Her blue eyes never wavered.

“Are you free tonight to go out with me. On a date that is?” Harry’s lips spread into a hopeful grin. “I want to spend more time with you, just the two of us.” Those mesmerizing blue eyes drew him in and got lost in their depths.

“Yes...” Her cheeks blushed faintly. “Yes, I want that too.” Emily could hardly contain the excitement that fluttered in her heart and it showed on her face as her eyes sparkled in response.

“Why don’t I wait for you outside your building around eight? The night will give us a bit more privacy.” Harry voiced his well thought out plan.

“Got it all figured out now, do you Wales?” She giggled teasingly at the prince. “I will be ready then.” Emily shifted in her spot to get up despite the protests of the children that were sitting in her lap. “I know!” She leaned in and gave them a tight hug, squishing them as they tried to escape the confines of her arms as Emily explained to them that she had to go back to work.

“I need to go back to work for a bit longer, but will see you tonight.” Emily stood to her feet and took one last look at Harry who was nodding with a smile before she walked away.

The butterflies in Emily’s stomach were flipping back and forth. She was rummaging through her closet wondering what on earth to wear on a date with a prince on a military camp in the middle of Afghanistan. How are you even supposed to go on a date when it is completely frowned upon to be involved with soldiers on the base? If they were caught… Emily shook her head and banished that thought from her mind.

Emily glanced towards her bedside table to see she only had a few minutes to pull something together. She grabbed a white sweater and pulled on a pair of her travel navy pants and quickly combed through her blonde locks trying to look somewhat presentable.

Opening the entrance door to the building, Emily quietly snuck out wanting to ensure that no one saw her leave with Harry. Their plan was to meet at the side of the building, but Emily had not realized how dark it had already became. She crept down the stairs and peaked around the corner only seeing darkness.

“Henry?” She whispered his name not entirely wanting to walk any further into a dark space alone. Hearing footsteps come forward, Harry stepped a bit into the light to show that he was indeed there with a wide brimmed smile plastered all over his face.

“Em, I’m here.” He reached out and gently grasped her hand with a beaming smile that instantly calmed Emily’s fears. Harry took a quick glance around to make sure no one was around and gave her hand a light tug, pulling her into the darkness. “Follow me.” His voice was deep and trusting.

Emily held on tight to Harry as her other hand clasped around his wrist to ensure he was not going to leave her behind amidst the dark. “Where are we going?” She whispered into the night as they snuck around the base feeling like teenagers sneaking out of their parent’s house on a weekend.

“You will see.” Harry walked hand in hand with Emily towards the helicopter hangar that he knew was unoccupied this late at night. “Watch your step here.” He carefully led her past his body around the back leading towards a little make shift tent he had quickly put together.

Emily crouched down to glance inside to see blankets, pillows, flashlights and a few of her favourite treats set out beside a box of pizza. “Did you set all this up? For our date?” Emily asked as she felt Harry crouch down beside her, his hand settling down on her lower back.  

“Yeah, I did.” He chuckled lightly and followed a crawling Emily inside, sitting down right beside her. Harry pointed and looked up to through the open space through the tarp that Harry deliberately made as Emily’s eyes followed his gaze. “It’s a bit hard trying to come up with a place for a date so I figured this would give us a little privacy and well I like looking up at the stars here.” His voice drifted off into a whisper as he gazed up at the night sky illuminated by sporadic stars bordering the moon. “It calms me for whatever reason.”

Emily was enthralled by the groups of stars shinning brightly through the little space at the top of the tent. The blonde nodded slowly with a soft smile agreeing with Harry. “It’s something about them that often does that. It makes everything seem not so far away like it feels sometimes.” Emily’s soft voice coaxed Harry’s blue eyes down to stare into hers with a lingering gaze.

“This is perfect, Henry.” Emily blinked slowly and turned her head to gaze up into those deep blue eyes. “You sure it’s ok for us to be here?” There was a hint of worry laced in her voice.

“As long as we don’t get caught.” Harry shrugged his shoulders and playfully winked at the blonde doctor teasingly. “Nah, Em it’s fine.” The pilot leaned back and grabbed the box of pizza for them to share.

“So, I wanted to buy you dinner on our first date but the options were a bit… limited.” Harry started to blush a bit, feeling a bit embarrassed that he could not take Emily on a proper date here on base. “This is what I came up with...” He opened the box to reveal her favourite ham and pineapple pizza.

“Oh my god, did you really get my ham and pineapple pizza?!” Emily’s mouth fell open in shock that Harry would do this for her. It was endearing for Emily to see all of Harry’s efforts that went into their date. It reminded Emily of how Harry and the guys planned her surprised birthday party and it was little things like that that Emily appreciated so much and showed how much he cared.

Emily grabbed a piece of her pineapple and ham pizza he had gotten for them to share and took a big bite. “Yup, this will do!” She grinned happily while chewing down the delicious pizza. “Here, have a bite and see for yourself what you have been missing your whole life.” Emily leaned forward and offered a bite of her pizza to Harry. The prince hesitated and shared an expression that he was not entirely convinced to.

“One bite and you may get to kiss me.” Emily playfully teased, but Harry’s expression changed to a serious one as he quickly took a bite off before Emily could go back on her word. Her mouth dropped in shock having realized what she had promised Harry. The glint in his eyes was proof that he did indeed plan on taking Emily up on her bargain.

She watched his priceless reaction when he realized how amazing pineapple on pizza actually was. “Wow…” He nodded and grabbed a piece of his own. “This is actually way better than I thought it would be!” Harry quickly finished the rest of his piece. “Plus, I get to kiss you…”

The way that the prince was staring at Emily in combination with his devilish grin that had formed on his lips made Emily’s heart pound into a fluttery mess in her chest. The blonde woman could not formulate a response so all she did was nod slowly while her mind went off thinking of everything that could change once they did. But, then a smile turned up the corners of her lips as a memory reminded Emily of that night that Harry walked her back to her building and kissed her forehead. “Yes, you do.” She finally was able to string a set of words together, but it was her cheerful smile that spoke louder than words to Harry that Emily wanted the same thing.

Harry and Emily had topped off the pizza that they had shared and decided to lay down in the tent beside one another. The extra blankets Harry had taken from the VHR tent were tightly bundled around their bodies as they shared the warmth it created for them against the cool afghan night. Emily’s side was pressed close against the prince being able to use his shoulder as a comfy pillow. Harry’s arm was tucked under the blonde doctor to ensure she was as close as possible to the prince so he could enjoy the feeling of someone beside him, a craving he had long forgotten to indulge in.

The pair were staring up at the stars through the hole in the tent with Emily pointing up into the night sky to show Harry a few of the constellations she could see. Her other hand was gently intertwined with Harry’s as their fingers danced, playing with one another absent mindedly while they talked. Harry was staring down at Emily being completed enthralled and under her spell as she lined out yet another constellation for him.

“And that one is Orion.” She sighed with a beaming smile. “It’s one of my favorites. Do you know the myth behind it?” Emily turned her head to see the prince staring intensely at her with those mesmerizing blue eyes that nearly made her heart stop.

“No.” He shook his head slowly, but his gaze never faltered. “Tell me.” Harry craved to hear her soft calming voice speak again.

Emily forced herself to look away, focusing back up at the stars before clearing her throat. “Well, based on Greek mythology, Orion was some sort of talented hunter and believed he could rid the Earth of all the wild animals. Gaia, who was the goddess of earth, was angered by Orion and sent a scorpion to kill Orion. Orion tired to battle the armored scorpion and realized he could not shoot his arrow through the armor so he jumped into the sea.” Emily paused for a brief moment to glance back at Harry to see him listening very close to every word she spoke.

“Go on.” Harry’s deep voice encouraged as he locked their fingers together.

“Apollo, who was the Greek god of the sun, decided to help Gaia kill Orion. Apollo pointed out Orion in the sea to his twin sister Artemis convincing her it was a villain. She shot it with her bow and arrow than swam out to see that it was her friend Orion. Artemis begged the gods to bring Orion back to life, but they refused so she put Orion’s picture in the sky so she could always see him.” The blonde doctor trailed off into a comfortable silence.

“Why is that your favorite?” An intrigued Harry craved to learn more, but he also wanted to distract his own mind that was drifting to the situation he found himself in because of Simon’s arrogance, much like Orion’s in the story. He looked past Emily and watched his fingers curl around hers, squeezing them in silence as he witnessed the hesitation flash across her face hoping that it would provide Emily with some sort of comfort.

“You remember me saying that I was in Syria before coming here?” Emily watched the prince nod in silence. “Some nights, it was all too much for me to handle having a constant feeling of hopelessness mixed with the feeling of not being able to do my job. We had to sit outside the city listening to the shells firing into the city everyday knowing that innocent people were dying until we were granted a cease fire to go in and provide aide for the limited time we were given.” Emily forced her blue eyes shut as a frown creased the soft skin of her forehead, needing a minute to get passed the memory of it all. Her eyes fluttered open along with the release of a heavy sigh.

“Most nights when I couldn’t sleep I would go for a walk and find a place to look up at the stars. I could always pick out the Orion constellation even amongst the hazy clouds left behind from the bombings. It brought me a sense of comfort seeing that every night it was still there no matter what else happened in the world. That when everything else was falling apart around me, it was still there every time I looked up.” Emily turned her head and shifted onto her side to face Harry snuggling into him tighter, silently asking to be comforted by him. She stared into those deep blues that she had now used to replace those stars she sought out every night for comfort. His blue eyes were the one constant now amongst all the chaos that had surrounded Emily since finding herself in at Camp Bastion.

“It made me think of home and how they could be staring up at the same stars making them seem closer than they were to me. So, I understand what you meant. That the stars have some sort of calming effect out here.” Harry’s arm had wrapped around her frame and settled down on her hip.

“You have that kind of effect for me too.” Harry confessed to Emily as his gaze faltered away from her eyes. He tried his best to hide from what was plaguing his mind all day long, but it was catching up with him.

Emily’s hand reached out and softly cupped his cheek while lifting his head to gain back those deep blue eyes he attempted to hide from her. “Henry, what’s wrong?” The doctor’s blue eyes were filled with concern. “What happened this morning before you came to play football with the kids?” Emily asked again. This time she knew that there had been something off with Harry this morning.

“How did you -?” His eyes narrowed, wondering how on earth Emily knew.

“I was using them as a distraction just as you were.” Emily confessed with a half crooked smile. “But, I can tell something is bothering you and it still is.” Her thumb tenderly stroked his cheek, a gesture that Harry welcomed as he leaned into her gentle touch.

Harry shifted his body onto his side to face the blonde beauty. “It’s about Simon.” Mentioning Simon’s name and the concerned expression on Emily’s face made her sit up and purse her lips together as she put the pieces together. She had seen Harry walking beside Simon coming back from a flight before he came to play with the children. Something must have happened during their flight.

“What happened?” Emily encouraged Harry to continue despite the worry growing tight in her chest. “You can trust me. I won’t say a word to anyone.” She assured Harry that what he was about to divulge would be kept in confidence.

“We got a call for troops in contact this morning.” The prince breathed out and felt Emily’s fingers starting to run through his ginger hair soothingly as she laid there next to him listening with the softest blue eyes that made him want to tell her everything. “Everything seemed routine. We ran to the apache, got it up and running in out usual time. Never once did I feel that something wasn’t quite right, but my mind keeps going through each moment wondering if I could have picked up on it sooner.” Harry shook his head in disbelief.

“Simon stopped barking orders at us and I was waiting for him to confirm what I saw and then there was just silence… right as we entered into the combat zone.” The fear circling in Harry’s eyes was so evident that it sparked a fuelled anger from within Emily at Simon. But, Emily held her tongue and did not voice her inner raging thoughts that were developing.

“It was like he blanked or wasn’t even there.” Harry’s brow furrowed as he to tried to make sense of what happened in that Apache this morning. “I felt the apache nose point down and I knew he had somehow lost control of it. So I took control of the Apache and started commanding it.” Harry gulped down the lump in his throat. “It was too late to call in another apache and I was not going to let the guys on the ground down knowing what they were fighting against.”

“You made the right call.” Emily’s voice softly broke through his thoughts.

“That’s not what bothered me, Em. I am trained to fly that beast of a helicopter.” Harry’s lips pursed into a hard straight line while his jaw clenched tightly. “We finished the call successfully and flew back to base. Simon snapped out of it half way back and started taking back full command again. But, I questioned every little thing and ran it through scenarios in my head if I would have gave that command. Never before did I feel the need to question Si on his abilities to fly or command an attack Apache until today. I have always trusted him with my life, but today he lost that trust.” Harry’s heart started to race just like it had back in that apache. So he closed his eyes and concentrated on the feeling of Emily running her fingers through his hair.

His eyes gently opened to find Emily’s holding his gaze. “The worst part Em, is that when he came back he apologized for it all, but when I asked him to go talk to someone because it could not happen again and that he put so many other lives at risk… he refused to do so. I still covered for him with command after they questioned what happened.” Harry watched Emily’s brow furrow with deep concern over what Harry just confessed to her. “And, now I am not entirely sure that was the best option.

“Henry that is not ok.” Emily’s voice was laced in profound concern for the prince. “He could have killed you or Owen or Luca…” Em shook her head back and forth. “A soldier like this is more dangerous than the dangers we face outside these walls. You trust them innately, but Henry… I know you aren’t that stupid to let this go. Right? No matter what Simon is going through it cannot affect his judgment behind the controls of a thousand tons of metal.” Emily could not hold back in giving her opinion on the matter, especially when it could put Harry’s life at risk.

“I know and I don’t know how to help him.” Harry’s face contorted at the mere thought of his options. “Either I let this continue or convince him to get help… and if I can’t convince him to then I have to report it to the commander and that could ruin his career as a pilot.” The pilot turned his head to find Emily looking down away from him with a wounded expression on her face.

“Em?” Harry speaking her name did not gain her attention. “Emily?” It was if she was trapped in her own thoughts.

“Sorry…” She shook her head, lifting her gaze to smile up at the prince. “I uh… I could talk to someone and see if they could speak with Simon off the record.” Emily kindly offered to help.

“Really? Who would that be?” The hope in the prince’s voice brought a smile to Emily’s lips. She wanted to help in anyway she could, not just for Simon’s sake, but for Harry’s as well. But, in doing so would put Emily in a tough spot.

A set of blue eyes matched Harry’s gaze. “Clarissa.”

Harry instantly sat up in a rage of anger. “No.” He shortly replied in a cold hard tone, nearly snapping at Emily making her jump a bit. “I am not letting that woman any where near Simon or even you, Em. Especially you, after the shit she pulled with you. She cannot be trusted at all.” Harry’s voice was raised while a quiet Emily sat across from him knowing this was the reaction that she would be met with. But, it was the only solution she could come up with for a quick fix. Emily’s other idea of trying to get Simon granted leave on an emergency basis was denied and they were running out of options to help their friend.

His eyes fell upon her sitting with a defeated expression etched across her face. All Emily was doing was trying to help Harry and the fact that she even brought up the idea to talk with Clarissa, a woman who treated her awfully, to help Simon said tremendous things about Emily’s character. She was willing to put aside personal feelings and her pride to help someone in need.

“I’m sorry Emily.” Harry sighed deeply. “I should not have brought this up tonight. I only wanted to hang out with you and not bring this other shit into the mix.” The prince sat across from Emily and grasped her hand that sat in her lap. She freely gave it to Harry as he tried to coax her attention towards him. “What’s on your mind?” Harry could tell she was holding something back from him.

“Harry, I already lost a friend here.” Emily’s blue eyes lifted slowly to lock in his. “I would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen again.” She parted to lips to speak, but hesitated and shook her head. “I don’t know where I would be without you quite honestly, or even your squad.”

“This place would really suck without me, wouldn’t it?” Harry winked playfully at Emily in an attempt to lighten the mood. A smile peaked through her somber expression making Harry continue his teasing with a certain objective in mind. “Come on, Em. Who would beat you at FIFA all the time? Or secretly sneak these to the hospital for you when you are on call late?” Harry grabbed a handful of Emily’s favourite candy bars he had stashed away for them to enjoy.

“Not true, I beat you that one time.” Emily was beaming from ear to ear, holding her abdomen from laughing so hard. “Give me one of those, Wales!” She reached out to grab one, but the prince held it back out of her grasp.

“Nuh uh.” Harry held up his finger and waved it back and forth with a raised eyebrow. “I get something from you first.”

Emily giggled lightly and closed in the space between them, leaving mere inches apart. Her lips stretched into a flirtatious grin. “And what is that, Captain Wales?”

“I think you already know, Doctor Clarke.” Harry’s eyebrow rose suggestively after watching Emily bite down on her delicate bottom lip.

“Tell me…” Emily angled her head and tried to coax it out of him, wanting to hear the words fall off his lips.

“I am going to kiss you, Emily.” Harry’s voice was deep and commanding. He cupped her cheek tenderly and brought her lips so close that he could feel her heavy breath float across his lips. The tip of her nose nudged up against the pilot’s as she opened her lust filled eyes to stare into the depths of his blues.

“Henry, we can’t go back from this.” The doctor’s voice was jagged as she attempted to calm her breathing down, but finding herself in this position with Harry kicked her body into over drive as every touch every sensation was magnified. The simple stroke of his thumb against her cool skin burned a fiery path along her cheek. Her heart was thumping in her chest so loudly she was sure that Harry could hear it.

“I know.” He sighed deeply. “I want you Emily.” Harry’s voice was confident and held no evidence of doubt that she was what the prince wanted. “I have since the very first day I laid eyes on you. The first time I saw those gorgeous blue eyes. Do not doubt that.”

Emily’s head swayed back and forth gently knowing she was about to give in to Harry. “It’s not because your promise?” She knew it was not the perfect time to ask this, but part of her still wondered what drove his intentions. Was it the promise he was bound to from her dying friend or was it feelings he had developed for her? A piece of her was terrified to know the truth behind them.

“That promise is what helped me get to know the real Emily; the one that I can’t deny that I have feelings for any longer.” His hand snaked around her neck and tugged it down towards him gently. “Now stop second guessing this and let me show you how I feel about you.”

The blonde softly inhaled his sweet scent, falling under Harry’s spell as she nodded her head lightly giving Harry the permission he was longing for. Her heart was beating so fast she couldn’t get a decent breath in, her head spinning into a downward spiral of desire for the prince.

She felt his breath on her cheeks from his close proximity as he waited patiently for the right moment to capture Emily’s lips. Harry watched her eyelids flutter and then close with her ready lips parted. He could not wait a moment longer as he leant forward, allowing their lips to meet for the first time.  

He kissed her softly at first, then with a swift swing of intensity that made Emily cling to him tightly, balling the material of his shirt in her hand as if he was the only solid thing in a dizzy swaying world she had found herself in.  His insistent mouth was parting her shaking lips, sending wild tremors along her nerves as if something within her sparked and evoked a fiery flame that burned through her body. Sparking sensations Emily had never known she was capable of feeling.

Harry tasted the sweet lingering taste that fell off of her lips that he was continually drawn back to, unable to get enough of her soft innocent lips that she eagerly kissed him with. He felt Emily give up control as she allowed Harry full power over her being to which he delicately took. The space around them evaporated, ceasing to exist as they explored this new world between them.

Their lips broke apart revealing a breathless Emily who was struggling to catch her breath. His lips formed a crooked smile seeing the effect that he had on Emily. Harry cupped her cheek and massaged it gently, waiting patiently for Emily to come back to stable ground. A light moan escaped her lips as the prince kissed her jawbone, innately tossing her head back gently into the prince’s cupped hand. His wet lips trailed down to her neck, feeling the thudding of her heart through her soft delicious skin.

“No…” Emily moaned out between deep breaths as her fluttering eye lids opened to look down at the Harry. She knotted her fists in his shirt and pulled Harry back up to her lips, abruptly crashing into them silently telling Harry that she needed more of him. Her fingers gripped the tufts of his ginger hair eliciting a soft low groan from his throat.

Harry’s arms circled around Emily and gathered her against his body. He gently lowered them down to the floor of the tent becoming tangled as one. Harry purposely took his lips off of Emily’s for a second to take in the view of Emily before him. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he felt his heart beat with wild abandon knowing that all he wanted in that moment was Emily and nothing was going to come between them.

Emily silently gazed up into the soldier’s eyes with fondness as they held a silent conversation. She tenderly grasped his cheek with her soft fingers and stroked it gently as the prince angled his head towards her touch. In that moment, Emily had never felt so at peace in a war torn place like this. She had never felt so calm and sure of herself that this was right between them without a doubt in her mind.

Emily gently tugged on Harry’s neck as he straddled himself between her legs. The weight of his body on top of Emily’s as the prince carefully cradled the blonde securely in his arms, was a feeling of security she had long forgotten. She felt all of him pressed up against her making her lips part to release a tiny moan that was captured by his awaiting lips.

Suddenly, Harry kissed her harder, deeper with an urgent fervor that fueled the fiery passion between them. It was not gentle like before, but a welcoming roughness that Emily surrendered to and matched Harry’s passion. His hands gripped her hair in a soft tug making their lips break apart briefly as each one fought their way back to find the others once again.

Every sensation had become heightened; like a set of colourful fireworks bursting throughout her being. She inhaled Harry’s scent, that scent that was just…him. It burned a memory into her nose along with the way his firm big hands caressed her body so delicately, but securely as it made her feel an innate sense of safety. The sounds of his low husky moans or the way that he spoke her name simply drove her body into unfounded land.

Without wasting another second, Harry’s lips were devouring Emily’s, stealing her breath away. Every other kiss that Emily had experienced before this in her life was wrong. It never felt right until this moment right here; this moment with Harry.  

Harry’s fingers were entwined with Emily’s tightly while walking the blonde back to her dorm. Her other hand gripped his forearm firmly as they wandered through the base amongst the eerily quiet night, but the prince could still see that smile that lingered on Emily’s lips throughout the rest of their night after they shared their first kiss.

It was a smile that only Harry had seen before once on her lips, a smile that was only for him.

Despite the long stressful day, Harry felt a sense of peace and calmness whenever he was with Emily. There was just something about her that Harry longed to have in his life. Whether it was her bright cheery smile or her infectious sweet laugh, it was Emily simply being Emily and that was enough for him at the end of the day.

Harry was pulled from his thoughts, feeling her hand rub up and down his arm. “You ok Henry?” Emily lifted her head to peak up at the silent prince noticing his quiet change in demeanour.

The prince nodded lightly and looked towards a dark hide out space between two buildings. He tugged on Emily’s hand as they took off in the direction away from her building.

“Henry!?” Emily quietly scolded the prince. “What are you doing?!” She was already afraid of getting caught, but now Harry was just tempting fate.

He turned and pulled her body flushed against his, gently cupping her cheek as the blonde peaked up at him barely being able to make out his features against the night sky. Without warning, he leaned in and abruptly kissed Emily with a soft urgency.

She at first fought it, knowing it was a terrible and risky idea to be kissing like this out in public with a chance that anyone could be watching or walking by to catch them in the act. But, the little voice inside of her head faded as she placed her hands against Harry’s chest and allowed the feeling of the kiss course through her body.

Their dripping lips broke apart breathlessly while the prince continued to tenderly hold her cheeks in his hand, keeping Emily exactly where he wanted her to be. “I am better now.” He smiled cheekily and earned a playful smack across the chest from Emily.

“We have to be more careful…” Emily was the voice of reason amongst them. “No one can know, Henry.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and settled her head down gently on his chest to feel the prince take in a heavy breath.

“I know, Emily.” His arms surrounded her frame to hold her body tight against him. “I’m not ready to let go of you just yet.” The pilot confessed as he closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of having Emily secured in his arms.

“If we get caught…” Emily’s voiced trailed off against the night, unable to voice the consequences that would surely arise if they did.

“We won’t.” Harry bent down and placed his lips softly against her temple, giving Emily a reassuring kiss. “Let’s not talk about this tonight. Let’s just enjoy each other.”

“Henry….” Emily lifted her head off of the prince’s chest to see his blue eyes casted down on her, halting her words.

“Let’s figure out where this is going… privately… before we worry about the rest of all of that.” What he spoke of was true. They both knew the other held feelings for them, but they had not had the chance to explore them any further than tonight. In a place like this, their priorities had to be their bound duties, not their developing feelings for one another.

It was a simple yet difficult choice they had to make.

Duty first, love second.

Until the time where it could be reversed.

But, when would that be? Would it ever be?

[zackmephisto]

dirt watches aew

ITS TIME BITCHEZ

stop i don't want to see this betrayal :(

mjf turned and now my depression is Worse i hate him i love him :(

JURASSIC EXPRESS AAAAAA

N Y L A YES OG MY GOD

i know I didnt hear yall boo nyla.

HANGMAN AND PAC REEEE

SCUUUUU REEEEE

M I S T E R M O X L E Y

:'''''(

STOP IM GONNA CRY KENNY NOOO

is it really nakazawa v mox. that's wild

mox looks good wtf?

STOP pulling the crazy shit dude. hes a good boy.

is he wrestling in pants bc his legs got fucked up or

that was weak. wtf ?

is it just bc hes still sort of hurt and they want to book him stronger than kenny?

o he speak

"you are one radical son of a bitch" how come he can say bitch but chuck cant say the s word

👀

damn yeah what's next for him. he really did fuck up kenny. who is next. I'm excited idc who is next like.... whoever it is they're gonna be working w the best of the best tbh

wait what the fuck why is it a championship match with sammy and chris and scu. why

cheer dark order and their gimp army you FUCKING cowards

T H E M!!!!!

GOD I LOVE MY CHILDREN STOP IM GONNA CRY MARKO WEARING THE MASK

THE MARKO CHANTS THANK YOU LORD

i have no more will to live now that marko ate the pin

STOP BEFORE I CRY FOR REAL

oH MY GOD LUCHASAURUS AAAA

luchasuarus said "back off my baby dinosaurs" and i respect that

hes obv still a little hurt tho you can see it in his movement

I STAN ONE DINOSAUR FAMILY

hmmm how come scu have to defend their championships every five minutes but chris jericho is always safe 🤔

gfys shawn spears

i'm a simple woman. i see shawn spears on my screen and I switch tabs

I constantly thank god for darby allin

Aubrey 😍😍😍😍

if darby loses i sue

JOEY!!!

uh. i mean. i mean. joey. big deal. who even cares about him and his braids and he smells anyway 😡

thank u darby i love you and definitely not joey...

DARBY AND JON WAIT STOP I CANT BREATHE OH MY GOD NO PLEASE THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST THING IVE EVER SEEN SCREEEEEE

I'm literally screeching darby vs mox??? NAME A MORE ICONIC DUO

ya'll have a crowd full on transphobes huh

darby vs mox tho this is so goddamn exciting

SO excited oh my god who is nyla fighting !!

who??

people really are such big transphobes that they're cheering someone who hasn't had a match yet. i hate straighties

thank you queen I love you

get well soon dad i miss u :(

i feel like i should know her by sight but i don't

o i remember her. i like her merch

shes annoying

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

AWESOME KONG AND BRANDI MY SKIN IS CLEARING AS I SPEAK

perish, blonde woman

god i love this. i LOVE THIS

if mjf joins the inner circle i want it to be known right now at 5:56 pm that i will Still Stan. okay. i stood w baron corbin through it all. i'll stand by mjf through it all.

every time some one swears on aew and it's not chuck taylor i lose six months of my life

OH?!?!?!

HELLO MAX I LOVE YOU GOOD MORNING MY SWEET SCARF SON

he's handsome no one @ me ever again

i lov u asshole love you so much

LOVE YOUUUU

NO I LOVE YOU I'M NOT UPSET I LOVE YOU

expose him Max EXPOSE HIM

max 😍😍😍😍😍

I believe every word you've ever said ever

max is right stop SAYING MEAN THINGS TO HIM

THIS MAN IS HURT MAY I HUG HIM

max STOP I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

AND WHAT A HANDSOME NEW FACE IT IS

YES YOU ARE BETTER THAN HIM AND I DO KNOW IT

wake up sheeple max is RIGHT

"my third or fourth installment" go off king.. go off......

sigh. I didnt want to do this. but i'm gonna have to stan.

or not?

MAX SAID A LITTLE BIT OF THE BUBBLY AND I IMMEDIATELY GOT UP TO GRAB THE CHAMPAGNE I SAVED FOR THIS EXACT SITUATION

ok thank god i dont have to stan the inner circle

thanks max i love you

HE IS HANDSOME ITS TRUE

ok... maybe that was funny. but I still love max

dont do this Max I dont want to stan

this is making me laugh hella hard dncnsndj

I LOVE THE HUG

cody man come on just let me have my max in peace

sigh

cmon Maxwell let's go

who?

wardlow I see

ok. I stan if he likes max

@ Maxwell Jacob Friedman choke me like that d*ddy

good morning it's been an hour and I've had four mikes and am on my fifth i'm drunk and in love with mjf

cowboy 😍😍😍😍😍

wait please don't let hangman lose I dont want to see him sad anymore

pac is fucking. more than human. I love him too

COW👏BOY👏SHIT👏

"i'm shocked by pac's leg strength" me 2 bud. those legs? i'm always shocked. hes so ripped his muscles have muscles

BASTARD SHIT LMFAOO HOW THE TURNS HABE TABLED

COWBOY STOP MAKING THESE NOISES I FEEL NSFWORK

yall are going to commercial in the middle of this match? disgostang. guess its valid bc this alcohol is going right thru me but. >:(

so Twitter says luchasaurus is actually Back back I'm really really happy abt that I missed dinosaur father

i finished going to the bathroom and sat down and it came back on clearly this is dirt rights

hangman and pac didnt get up for a second and I was Ben Affleck w cigarette. jpeg for a second thinking abt pac vs moxley

thank u for being a good bean mr ref bryce

:(((((((((((((((((((((

suing aew for emotional distress

JESUS matt Jackson

OH MY GOD AAAAAA ORANGE IVE NEVER LOVED A MAN MORE

literally I love orange cassidy more than i love myself

I'd be more exciting for this bucks/proud n powerful moment if orange cassidy wasn't on screen for two (2) seconds. His Impact

aew refs are my new mandatory kin

dont hurt Brandon Cutler hes a good boy

:(

thank god for private party

proud n powerful vs private party is dirt rights

me: :l

scu: SCUUUUU

me: :)

oh yeah btw my onion on scu officially changed i love them officially

SCU SAYS FUCK NASHVILLE BUT I LOVE WRESTLING FANS AND REALLY THATS CALIFORNIANS IN A NUTSHELL, I CAN CONFIRM, BEING CALIFORNIAN

i'm DRUNK thank god for autocorrect

why is sammy not vlogging. is he okay. does he have a fever

anyway if scu loses i'm suing again

jericho, a few weeks ago: WHO WEARS A SCARF

Jericho, today: wears a scarf tonight and talks abt scarfs today

judas FUCKS one of my fave songs of all time tbh

sammy guevara is like. 12. stop hip thrusting, child

kaz, my angel. I love you. so much

sammy: I GOT EM, DAD. I GOT EM

I love sammy BUT he better eat this pin so hard hes still tasting it next week

almost started filing my aew lawsuit when scorpio sky almost got pinned

I love how effective and strong the thesz press is. so wild. thank u mr sky

oh thank fuck. thank FUCK that pin wasn't complete

PLEASE MR SKY

THANK YOU MR SKY

SCU BEAT INNER CIRCLE SO NO ONE EVER TALK SHIT ABT CALIFORNIANS EVER AGAIN

unless ur californian. in which case ur allowed

scorpio sky being the first person in aew to pin Jericho is California Rights

that was a wonderful show. orange cassidy was there so it was 10/10. everyone say thank u aew

[caelin-ismycity]

My Lord’s Disease : Chapter 2

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Subsequent to that meeting, Lord Uther’s visits never quite felt the same. I suspect it was due to the presence of Lord Eliwood and myself, but he seemed most eager to bring along younger Lord Hector with him whenever he arrived. It was clockwork within our abode; Lord Eliwood would bounce on his heels by the staircase when Lord Uther’s expected arrival came, his parents delightfully awaiting behind him. When our guests would arrive, Lord Eliwood would make an effort to restrain his excitement to greet Lord Hector, and I suspected the same was for the other- only he rejected the concept of restraint, rushing away from his brother to meet Lord Eliwood in the center of the foyer.

I should have suspected as much; Lord Eliwood grew up as the only child of milords, not to mention there was seldom any children around to begin with. He was denied public schooling, for Lord Elbert wanted only the finest tutors for his son (which was respectable. After all, Lord Eliwood was to rule Pherea one day, it would only be right he was taught by the most educated scholars). Lord Hector making such a robust introduction must have shaken Lord Eliwood from his isolation and encouraged his inner flare to show forth, for it would be foolish to deny that over the years milord has become more confident (and even a tad snarky) due to the arrival of his new companion. Yes, even if I had my doubts with Lord Uther’s boisterous brother initially, I must admit I too have grown fond of his appearances- especially when I am able to see Lord Eliwood express himself with confidence and ooze with glee by his side.

I was thirty years old at this time and I could feel three decades of life and service begin to affect me. I was not quite as nimble as I used to be and I find myself complaining of restlessness, and seeing bags begin to manifest beneath my eyes was not something I was ecstatic to wake up to. Regardless, my age and a few dents to my face would do little to hinder my servitude to my house- especially when I am merely thirty years of age; I still have plenty of time to adjust to my aging body and continue aiding my lords.

Today’s meeting held particular importance, for not only was our dining hall put to use opposed to our stuffy war room we would be housing many more than the Ostians this evening. Worde, Ciaran, Ryerde- all other houses within the Lycian allegiance came to gather for the biannual assembly which would discuss each houses’ domestic conditions and would commentate on the surrounding areas’ political climates. On the topic of climates, I held some fear for today’s meeting, as the sky began to cloud and the occasional dribble of rain would meet our rooftops. Nonetheless, there was a delicate beauty and serenity to it, so I paid little attention nor annoyance to it.

It seems that since my handling of Lord Hector and Lord Eliwood when they were younger, Lady Eleanora has insisted that I monitor not only those two, but all children of Lycia within the second dining hall. Of course I did not dare reject milady’s word- in fact I accepted it with, to my surprise to an extent, some glee. While the children could get out of hand and cause an infuriating ruckus, it certainly outdid standing outside of the dining hall for half the day doing particularly nothing but staring at the guard adjacent to me.

After the humble greetings of lord to lord and lady to lady, each parent had began to dismiss and direct their child to me, where I stood beside the door ready to depart for the dining hall parallel to us. Some were gleeful to skip to my side while others were more resilient on staying beside their father and mother. These children needed but only a little coaxing from the parent, and soon enough they were dragging themselves to my side.

The children of Lycia had three years to accept me as their caretaker and for the most part they had. As I opened the oak doors to the second dining hall, the children neatly led themselves inside- for the most part. I began to count the heads of each child when I distinctly heard agitated grunts and huffs at the end of the line, easily taking sight of Lord Hector’s unique hair color. He seemed to be shoving alongside a brunette boy, Lord Eliwood unfortunately being stuck in the middle of the two doing what I could only assume as a futile attempt to separate them.

I considered going over to the three and pulling them apart myself, of course following up with a proper scolding as this was absolutely not lordship behavior. My optimism however reigned over, and I hoped that the three would settle themselves out on their own (or, at the very least, Lord Eliwood somehow conjured up the strength to divide the two successfully. I doubted such a feat, as Lord Eliwood had recently come down with an illness, not to mention his already small frame against the bigger children).

“I already told you big nose, Eliwood wants to sit next to me, not you!” Lord Hector barked, the only thing denying him from hitting the other child was the aforementioned lord in-between them. Lord Hector has garnered quite the reputation for being a rather hands-on child (which is an attribute debatably admirable), and he seemed to always desire to fight with anyone he met if they disagreed with him in the slightest. When it came to Lord Eliwood, I sensed there to be even more of a flare among him, for I could interpret his confliction with shoving Lord Eliwood to the side and meeting the other child face-to-face, or to spare harming his friend and simmer in his rage. In the right circumstances, Lord Hector was a desirable ally, but in this one I preferred he quell his passions.

“Who are you calling big nose, ugly?! We have practically the same nose shape you knucklehead!” The other child retorted (and a rather weak argument, for it was easy to realize he too called himself ‘ugly’), making notably a less considerate effort to spare Lord Eliwood of physical damage, as he was pushing milord right into Lord Hector’s side. “Besides, how do you know what Eliwood wants! I’ve known him longer, isn’t that right Eliwood?” Among the sea of other children, I would hardly see the child’s face (especially when other children had taken note of the debacle and began to cluster at the spectacle), yet I could clearly hear a victorious smirk in his voice.

I ushered the nearest children within the dining hall and began to make my way to the end of the line, fully intending to cease their arguing. However, after moments of silence from milord, once more I was delightfully surprised to hear his shaky voice boom throughout the foyer. “Leave Hector alone, Erik! I don’t care if I’ve known you longer- you’re so mean!”

Stopping in my tracks, I could hear gentle whispers spread among the children, coupled with a few ‘ooh’s’ of disbelief. Lord ‘Erik’ seemed to stop his struggling against milord, for I could hear his delicate stuttering as he attempted to muster an argument.

“Eliwood, how can you say that? We’ve been friends for years! I’ve always had your back and I’ve always been there for you.”

As I neared the calming trio, Lord Eliwood shook his head in earnest, shuffling closer to a proud Hector. “I don’t care! All you talk to me about is taking after your dad, and about yourself. I don’t want to talk about only you, I want to talk about things I like- things we like. Like what friends are supposed to do!” After Lord Eliwood’s outburst, Lord Erik made little effort to argue against his friend (though I would not doubt that title be changed to ‘ex-friend’ at this rate- but for the sake of future relations I do hope Lord Eliwood finds it in his heart to be professional later on) and edged away from the two.

The foyer was quiet, a deathly silence only accompanied by the raining pattering against the castle windows. I began to accompany the remaining children inside, however keeping Lord Eliwood isolated and behind the others. Lord Eliwood jumped a little when I outstretched my arm in-between him and Lord Hector, shooing Lord Hector inside. “We will only be a minute, Lord Hector,” I reassured him. He looked as though he was about to start a fight with me, but Lord Eliwood piped up and too reassure him it would be alright, and that he should be more concerned with saving a seat for him.

With less resistance, Lord Hector left the dining hall’s doorway, and chose to sit in the chair nearest to the door (undoubtedly trying to eavesdrop).

“Marcus,” Lord Eliwood stuttered, tears beginning to well in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell all of that! I just-” he tried to compose himself, continuing to sputter and hesitate on his explanation. “I never realized how bad of a friend Erik was until I met Hector.” At this point he began to cry freely, and I did not hesitate to crouch down to milord’s level and soothe him. “Hector’s just always wanted to know how I felt and wanted to know what I liked. He’s always been really nice to me and he’s always wanted to make sure I was OK or-”

I shushed my lord by gently holding his face, wiping away the cascading tears with my thumb. “Lord Eliwood, it’s alright. I’m not upset with you.” Milord had some doubts in my words, for his tears continued to prosper and coat my gloved thumbs with salty tears.

“But I yelled at someone! I yelled at one of daddy’s friend’s kids. He’s going to hate me when I’m older and-”

“Enough, Lord Eliwood,” I urged. “It’s important to have good relations, yes. But it’s also important to stand up for yourself- and for your most trusted allies. If you know that you did no wrong and you know that your companions did no wrong, you should feel no shame in asserting your opinion.”

I was grateful to see milord’s tears began to cease as he wiped the remainders away himself. “I shouldn’t?”

I shook my head and patted him on the head, rubbing his shoulder and feeling my chest bubble with glee. “No, milord. In fact, you should feel pride. Forgive me, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so passionate about your stance and for that I must commend you.” At this rate, it would have been a futile attempt on my part to subdue my smile.

Lord Eliwood’s face began to flush further as he looked over my shoulder to where Lord Hector sat. While I could not see him myself, I was positive his eyes were stubbornly fixated on us. With the last of his tears drying, he looked back up at me and returned my grin. “You’re right, Marcus. In fact, I’m going tell Erik how much of a gross frog he is right now!”

A tad bit of panic spiked in replacement of my joy as Lord Eliwood dashed away from me, giggling as he was once again reunited with Lord Hector. At their reunion, I sincerely hoped that they would be discussing affairs entirely different, and were not currently conjuring some revenge plan against poor Lord Erik. I certainly would not want to explain to Lord Darin why his son was in tears, a mischievous Lord Hector and Lord Eliwood happily following us.

[obsidianarchives]

Game of Thrones Recap: S8E4 - "The Last of the Starks"

Didn’t we almost have it all? At the moment I’m not sure I’m talking about the episode, this season, or (if you really want to get spicy) the first four seasons of the series, but this show started off SO WELL and then devolved into an unfounded attack on everything I love and believe in. We’re back to split locations this week so let’s get into it, and trust we’ll be discussing that ending. TW: There is brief discussion about the use of rape as a narrative tactic in the “Winterfell” section.

Winterfell

The episode picks up right where we left off last week as the survivors of the Great War bid farewell to those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for loss. As much as I’ve never seen it for either of them, Daenerys’s sadness over Jorah — her first friend and a man (for all his MANY faults) who was a constant throughout her adult life — and Sansa tearfully placing a Stark pin on Theon’s corpse were touching and earned conclusions of their character journeys. But there’s still no country for slave traders and child murderers so, bye!

Leading the ceremony, Jon puts some bass in his voice, does his best Captain America impression, and delivers the most impassioned and leaderly speech we’ve heard from him yet as he modifies the Night’s Watch farewell to begin lighting the pyres of fallen heroes outside the castle. Ramin Djawadi put his foot all the way in the score on this scene as we see just how much the fight took out of the survivors. All of our main characters are bruised and bloody, poor Ghost lost an ear, and Rhaegal has holes in his wings and is still too weak to fly without a bit of a hook. Everyone needs a drink.

And what an after party it is! Gendry suffers through awkward dinner conversations with his girlfriend’s father (we’ll get there) the Hound while he awaits Arya who’s a no-show at the feast. Daenerys sees him and takes the opportunity to note that he’s the unknown bastard son of a King. For a moment, I thought she was trying to make a point to Jon about the validity or lack thereof about his claim to the throne, but she instead legitimizes Gendry and proclaims him Lord of the Baratheon’s old seat of Storm’s End. By raising up the former blacksmith she not only installs a Lord Paramount of the Stormlands forever loyal to her, creating allies she desperately needs, she also buries another potential claimant against her crown.

For some reason Sansa is confused and disgusted by this and Tyrion clocks it but says nothing. As the drinking continues, Dany realizes how isolated she truly is as she listens to Jon be toasted by Tormund, a Kobe stan during a LeBron James championship parade. Instead of being a proud aunt towards her baby dragon riding nephew, Queen Daenerys sees how little she is loved by the Westorosi, an awakening that began with her witnessing Lord Royce and Theon’s admiration for Sansa earlier this season. Lurking dramatically behind her and observing all of this is, of course, Varys because he stays in the mess.

Ser Brienne, Podrick, and the Lannister brothers are playing Tyrion’s drinking game where they guess facts about each other, which is fun until the lord imp surmises that the newest knight from Tarth is a virgin. Brienne leaves in anger and shame while Jaime follows after her, leaving Tormund to finally realize where he stands as the third wheel, crying to the Hound. After Clegane chases him off into the arms of a willing Northern girl, Sansa and the Hound share their first conversation since season two and the Battle of Blackwater. When he acknowledges that the “little bird” has grown and changed as much as Arya, she tells him that without the horrors she’s had to endure she wouldn’t be the person she is today. There’s been a great deal of frustration with that line, as the notion that rape can be a tool to make a woman stronger, or that she owes her growth to the men in her life, is demonstrably false. I didn’t initially read the scene that way simply because the theme of terrible things and regrets forming people into who they are has been a repeated one this season (with Jaime, Bran, Theon, etc.), but it is a mark of poor and male-centric writing to not recognize the difference between intentional actions the male characters chose themselves and cruelty done to a character against their will that they’ve had to survive. But this wouldn’t be the last time the writers failed to understand context.

Gendry finally finds Arya in the castle working on her archery instead of reveling in the feast (Big Introvert Energy) and tells her that not only is he the son of a King, he’s now a proper lord himself. Kissing her, he gets down on one knee and tells her it doesn’t mean a thing without her by his side and proposes. Maisie Williams sells the scene with just her eyes, as she kisses Gendry back onto his feet, but has to let him down gently that being a lady is just not her. It calls back to what she constantly told Ned in season one, and the realization she had in her reunion with Nymeria last season.

Jaime channels his inner Drake and brings a flagon of wine to Brienne thee Stallion’s room, reminding her that she hasn’t finished the game. Brienne keeps her room nice and hot, so the Kingslayer starts to take off all his clothes, while probing her interest in Tormund. Always one to keep her guard up, Brienne finally realizes what’s about to happen and helps him take his shirt off as she joins him in disrobing and they finally consummate the years-long dance around and to each other’s hearts.

Daenerys and Jon finally have a heart to heart where Rhaegar’s son reiterates that he has no desire for the throne and is pledged to her. She then begs him to not tell anyone else (specifically Sansa and Arya) and to swear Samwell and Bran to secrecy lest the truth of a rival with a stronger claim gets out and threatens her position. So of course, Jon does the opposite and, forcing Sansa and Arya to promise to keep the secret in the family, has Bran divulge that he’s actually Aegon Targaryen. The scene cuts to black before we get to see their reactions to the news, but hold that thought.

With the demise of the Night King (who we’ll have to wait on the books which shall never be written to learn more about) and his army of the dead, Daenerys finally begins drawing up battle plans to take King’s Landing. As is her wont, the Dragon Queen wants ALL of the smoke and is ready to take Cersei out, whatever it takes. Ever the idealistic pacifist, Tyrion urges the long game of a siege to turn the people against her by starving the Lannisters out. Jon, who at this point doesn’t want to be in the middle of any other squabbles, concedes the feasibility of the plan but then in comes the maester of checking people in public, Lady Sansa. She councils a bit of patience on Dany’s part since her troops are dead tired from fighting zombies, one of her dragons is flying with a limp, and she really has no plan other than “I want the throne.” Admittedly, I’ve been #SansaHive for a while now, but the show seems intent on driving this division between the two matriarchs for no other reason than to manufacture tension and rush towards this narrative that Dany is the Mad Queen that has not been justified. Trying to get back in her good graces (or her bed), Jon however pulls rank and reminds the room that the North is pledged to Daenerys and will follow her to whatever end.

Ser Bronn finally arrives in Winterfell and displays the level-headed pragmatism that I’ve said more than once will put him on the Iron Throne. Rather than outright killing the Lannister men as Cersei wanted, he negotiates. While we finally discover the Queen offered him Riverrun and presumably reign of the Riverlands, Tyrion counters with Highgarden and the seat of the Reach. Less out of an affinity for the brothers and more because he’s seen what dragons can do to an army, he accepts the side he thinks is more likely to win, but promises his bill will come due once the war is over. Another thing this episode has done is remind us just how many Great Houses have fallen in Westeros. Daenerys mentions the support of a new, unnamed Prince in Dorne, and Edmure Tully is possibly still alive in a dungeon somewhere or hiding in oblivion with young Robin Arryn, but almost all of the ruling southern houses have been wiped out.

On the road from Winterfell, the Hound is riding south alone until he’s joined by Arya, and it seems they both have unfinished business back in the capital. If they’re pump faking us and we don’t get Cleganebowl, somebody has to square up. For now, the best buddy duo is back on the road again and neither have plans on coming back alive. Sansa, on the other hand, almost immediately tells Tyrion the ONE thing she promised not to and confides Jon’s secret identity. That’s how we know he wasn’t Ned’s son. Eddard managed to take decades of hate from his own wife to protect his nephew, Jon couldn’t even last a damn week.

The goodbyes continue as Tormund finally takes the wildlings back home to the REAL north to settle down and repopulate now that the threat of the White Walkers is gone. The show, choosing to emphasize his embrace of his Targaryen roots (and that he’s probably going to die soon) has Jon send Ghost north of the Wall as well, since a direwolf has no place in the South and would be happier. This is where the disrespect began and we should have seen the okey doke coming. The relationship between Jon and Ghost is one the show has always underplayed but my man would never! He didn’t even give his beloved companion a goodbye hug, simply looking on as Ghost whines for his friend. We also find out Gilly is pregnant with Sam’s baby for real this time, and if it’s a boy they’ll name him Jon. Yeah, he’s definitely going to die.

Hearing what went down at Dragonstone, Jaime, after knocking the sheen off of Brienne’s starry sapphire again for good measure, leaves in the middle of the night bound for King’s Landing. She runs out in her housecoat and slippers begging an ain’t shit man to come back into her life after just 24 hours; men are a curse. Jaime reads through the litany of things he’s done in the name of his love for Cersei and insists he’s not the good man Brienne thinks he is. It seems clear he’s going back to try to stop her this time (and possibly fulfill the prediction of the valonqar), but he doesn’t tell that to his new boo, who very uncharacteristically breaks down in tears.

Dragonstone

With her fleet preparing to invade King’s Landing and take back the throne, Daenerys and crew set sail to her birthplace on Dragonstone. Tyrion couldn’t even wait to make it to shore and immediately tells the news of Jon’s true parentage to the Benita Buttrell of Westeros in Varys, but he ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard it from him. As the ships drop anchor in the port however, Drogon and Rhaegal are attacked by Euron Greyjoy’s suspiciously sneaky Iron Fleet now outfitted with improved Scorpions which catch Rhaegal unaware, killing yet another dragon. Gotta pour one out for the homie as we’re now down to one and I am inconsolable. Daenerys in a rage is tempted to fly Drogon straight on to light them all up, but facing another round of fire is forced to flee. Euron being the trash panda he is then targets the ships themselves, sinking most of them and forcing the Unsullied to swim to shore. A distraught Grey Worm is left to panic as he screams for Missandei, who was not among those who washed up on the beach.

On the verge of losing everything, Daenerys is understandably tired of being checked by her advisors and is finally ready to burn the Red Keep to the ground if she can sit on the ashes. In a private conversation, Tyrion keeps trying to push the obvious solution that Jon and Dany, who are in love as it is, should just get married, solving all their problems. As infuriating as it may be that the simplest answer is the one that will never happen, even he realizes the futility of hoping for logic to win out. Varys stops short of admitting he’s putting a hit out on Dany, but the Spider, going back to his defense of the realm, is obviously ready to move on to a new leader and leaves Tyrion to drink.

King’s Landing

Meanwhile, back in the capital Cersei has been opening the Red Keep to the common folk in an attempt to call Dany’s bluff that she wouldn’t burn the city with so many people inside the castle walls. Congratulating walking STD Euron on his successful mission Cersei tells him she’s carrying his child (as Qyburn confirms), and hides her disgust as Greyjoy is overwhelmed with new daddy glee.

The writers then lose the plot entirely as they cut to Missandei, back in shackles, Cersei’s prisoner as the queen remarks “so much for the breaker of chains.” We’ll get to it soon but it goes without saying that seeing a Black woman, the ONLY Black woman on the show, placed back into bondage when her story arc has been one of rising above her enslavement is reprehensible. That said, this is a show about reprehensible people doing reprehensible things. It hurts no less, but what used to elevate the series was that these actions were grounded in an internal logic and narrative fullness that resonated with character motivation and agency for both sides. This was simply done for shock value, both in-universe for Daenerys and out of it for the viewers.

Outside the Red Keep, the walls of which we see have also been outfitted with Scorpions, the two Hands of the Queen meet to discuss terms, and when it’s clear that Cersei will not be surrendering, Tyrion tries to speak directly to his sister and beg for her better nature to avoid bloodshed, insisting that she’s not a monster. WHAT WOMAN DOES HE THINK HE’S BEEN DEALING WITH FOR ALL THIS TIME? Of course that nonsense doesn’t work and Tyrion’s inability to recognize that villainy is possible even under the guise of white womanhood is what should get him killed. Instead it’s Missandei who is caught in the crosshairs of the 53% as she utters her last words, “Dracarys,” before being beheaded by the Mountain.

My personal affinity for Missandei should be well known, so you can imagine how I reacted to seeing this mess. To clarify, it's not just that she died that was so galling. If you read the episode two review we called that happening, and I’d assume most of you weren’t shocked either, even though it doesn’t hurt any less. It’s the how and why that was so poorly handled that added insult to injury of the pain that's inherent when you have so few people of color in the cast in general, but Black women specifically. Had she had the agency to choose her own end and her death come as the result of her story arc, so be it. This is a show of terrors and loved characters die everyday, B. Had she died in the crypts of Winterfell fighting for her life and the Queen she believed in, and Daenerys and Grey Worm had gotten to mourn her the way they gave tired, rockface Jorah his final respects it would have been better. Had her Dracarys command gotten Drogon to start the roast of the city? We outchea! But for it to be simply the impetus to justify razing King’s Landing, and as a pawn in a war of aggression between two white women while she’s placed back in bondage, was a perfect storm of disrespect, to the character and the audience. We've established for seven seasons that that city is a rathole, filled with people we haven't seen in years. I don't care about Dany burning the castle to the ground, but NOW? I need Thanos to show up because I want nothing left but ashes. For a blog whose motto is MORE Black Girls MORE Dragons, this episode was always going to be particularly painful, but the fact that there was no greater narrative purpose for it makes it even worse.

[queenpersephonesgarden]

Whumptober Day 10

Prompt: Bruises Fandom: Young Justice, DC comics Characters: Dick Grayson, Wally West Word Count: 1148 Trigger warnings: Child abuse.

The bruise, when he sees it, is huge.

Dark stains against pale white skin, mottled yellow and purple marks from healing and fresh wounds. It easily spanned at least two ribs; the outline, though vague, could have been boot-shaped.

“Dude!” Dick hissed in sympathy, nearly dropping the shirt he’d been trying to pull over his head when he glanced over and saw it in all it’s painful glory. “Yikes! Did something big go down in Central City?”

Nothing was on the news earlier to suggest that, but then again that doesn’t mean much; in their line of work, the threats that go unrecorded by the media tend to be the bigger, more fate of the world type deals, which could cause a panic if they were brought to the attention of the common citizen. Still, it was a bit of a bigger deal if it hadn’t even pinged a warning on the Batcomputer in case the League needed to be called in.

A small part of Dick’s brain is calculating an update for the system’s threat level assessment system while the rest of him is busy getting dressed faster to go find the first aid kit.

“Huh?” Wally says intelligently, before glancing down and seeming to notice the huge mark on his skin for the first time; it’s probably gone a bit numb because of his accelerated healing, but that’s still setting off a few of Dick’s inner warning bells. “Oh, shit, yeah. This? Nah, it was nothing major; just a run in with Mirror Master. One of his traps tripped me up and I nearly got crushed by a stage-light,” he says with a shrug and a careless wave of his hand, but Dick isn’t stupid.

If that had actually happened, Wally would have been complaining about it loud enough to hear from here to Metropolis, would have collapsed onto the couch with a dramatic cry of pain and demanded someone get him some ice cream because he couldn’t move.

But, Dick mused as he finished putting on his sunglasses, that might just be his Gotham-paranoid brain talking; it wouldn’t do anyone any good to go jumping to conclusions like this.

Still, he shot his friend a concerned glance, which Wally unfortunately noticed; sometimes, his long-term exposure to Bats could be a bit detrimental.

Wally grinned widely, and Dick desperately tried not to overanalyze how strained it looked. “No need to be gloomy, dude! Let’s go see if M’gann is done with those snickerdoodles, yeah?”

Well that’s a forcibly changed subject if he’s ever heard one.

But if Wally didn’t want to talk about it, Dick could respect that. For now, at least.

He returned the grin, and tried to ignore the guilt in his gut.

-

The next bruise he noticed is hard to miss, staining Wally’s lower jaw, and it shouldn’t be a big deal. They’re vigilantes; they get clocked in the face every other day.

But Wally is a speedster, with hyper-accelerated healing; any wounds he’d gotten yesterday should have been gone by now, unless he’d gotten them this morning, and nothing on the news suggested any supervillain activity in Central City so far today.

Dick doesn’t even bother to hide his staring until Wally gives him a nervous glance out of the corner of his eye, and he realizes the others will notice too if he doesn’t let up, and for a moment he’s tempted to say something to them, to draw attention, to get someone else to notice and agree that something should be done-

But he can’t do that to Wally in the middle of a good day, when he looks so happy, so Dick says nothing.

Again.

The guilt eating at his insides doesn’t go away, though.

-

After the second time there is a third, a fourth, but he finally draws the line upon catching sight of the fifth, inky dark and painfully painted from Wally’s collarbone to his shoulder, because there is being patient and there is being silent, and Dick absolutely refuses to remain so.

“You gotta talk to Barry, man.” He doesn’t mean to sound so blunt, but his temper has been simmering a bit too hot for a little too long, and what he really wants to do is scream and head to Central City with his escrima sticks, but that would be a disaster with a capital Dis, so this is the next best option.

Wally doesn’t look surprised when he says it; no, he looks tired, and resigned, which is so much worse, and the temptation to march toward the zetatubes is getting much harder to ignore.

“It’s not like that, Dick,” he mumbles, and Dick very nearly bites back bullshit, but raising his voice and getting mad are probably the two things he very much should not do right now, so he reins it in a little.

“Well, then what is it like?” he manages to keep most of the heat out of his voice, but his fingers are starting to shake and he’s not sure he can stop them.

Wally grimaces at his tone, and he would feel bad about that if he didn’t already feel like garbage for putting this off for so long.

He should have said something the first time, dammit. Maybe then Wally wouldn’t look so miserable.

The speedster’s face contorts into several unhappy expressions before lets out a frustrated groan. “It’s mostly me that starts it, okay?” he finally snaps, and Dick’s hackles are starting to rise before he reminds himself to stop getting defensive. “I say something, and it pisses Dad off, or makes Mom upset, and they start saying stuff that’s just completely untrue about the Team, and Barry, and the hero business in general, and I argue back and it-” Wally’s voice started shaking, and Dick was not going to cry, that would not help right now, “-it just starts escalating, and I don’t mean half of what I say but you know my mouth moves faster than my brain sometimes and then they just-!”

“Wally,” Dick interrupts flatly, leaning forward.

His very best friend flinches away from him when he starts to raise a hand, and Dick has to swallow hard to keep the bile down.

He can’t touch his shoulder, where the bruise seems darkest; instead, Dick grabs Wally’s hand between both of his and squeezes it tightly.

He tries for a smile. The anger and the guilt can be dealt with later; right now, Wally needed a friend, not an avenger.

“Whatever it is, I’ve got your back. I’ll help, any way I can. Please, seriously, can we go talk to Barry about this? Or Bruce, or Clark, or Dinah?”

Wally looks like he’s about to cry, and Dick doesn’t feel far behind on that.

It might take a bit longer to convince him, but it’s a start, at least.

[taetaesource]

The Crown Prince

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 

Taehyung and you were bound by marriage at birth. He swore to only have one queen and to marry for love but somehow things changed.

The day you left for the palace, your mother tried her best to hold back her tears as she watched you enter the sedan. It was a rule that those who entered the palace will never get to leave unless the king made a special exception. Knowing that she will never get to see you again made her hid in your father’s arms and cry. They have expected this even before your birth but it was still hard when it finally came. Your father’s voice was trembling even though he tried to sound firm, “always be a loyal servant to the royals and take care, my child.” 

The journey to the palace was a long one that took 3 days and 3 nights before you arrived at the palace gates in the dawn. The distance from the palace gates into the main palace grounds was itself a very long one. When you finally arrived where you were supposed to be, a row of palace maids were there waiting, and one of them who wore a different dress, something that looks a little more grand than the others, stepped forward, “welcome to the White Porcelain Palace. This is where you will be staying before the selections. The preparations and all activities will be conducted within this palace. There are a few ground rules of the palace which we will learn about in today’s lesson on palace rules and etiquette. Please take a break and proceed to the White Porcelain Palace at noon.” The woman had her head bowed politely as she spoke to you in a calm and extremely formal tone. After she finished, she politely raised her arm to show you the direction of your chamber. 

You gave a light bow back and moved in the direction which she pointed. The court lady stepped backwards with her head still bowed and only followed behind with the train of maids after you have walked a few steps ahead. 

Even though the White Porcelain Palace housed the girls who were not royalties yet, it was a grand and beautiful place. Like its name, most parts of the palace were made of white porcelain with fine details and decorations. It felt as big as your entire village. It took you almost 20 minutes to walk from your chamber to the main White Porcelain Hall and you wondered how big exactly was the entire palace.

When you arrived at the White Porcelain Hall, there were a group of girls in the middle and the palace maids were lined up in order at the sides, all with their hands placed below their chests and heads bowed. There were about 10 girls, they all looked around your age and had the air of ladies who grew up in well-to-do families. They were the girls who were taken in to be chosen by the crown prince. In fact, all the girls who managed to enter the palace for the selection were the prince’s women the moment they stepped foot into the palace. Even if they ended up not being selected to be the crown princess, they were not able leave the palace. They would be given random titles that considered them as concubines when in reality, they might not get to see the crown prince ever again in their lives. Hence, the selection was very competitive, each girl would do anything to win the favour of the prince so that they would not have to spend the rest of their lives being forgotten in a corner of the palace. 

However, the selection process was a long and tough one. The girls would have to go through special trainings every day and the court ladies would evaluate and eliminate the weaker girls at each level. By the time the selections reached the crown prince, there would only be at best 3 left for him to decide who would be his future queen. Most of the time, the other two that the crown prince did not select would be titled the royal concubines, which was the best tier amongst all the titles of a concubine. 

Although this process was not made known in the first introduction lesson, all the girls seemed to know about the seriousness of it. They were all eager to be the last one standing and seemed to all have only one objective - to be the crown princess. Their attitudes and the way they behaved made you nervous. Would you be able to survive in such competition? 

The lessons that you had to go through everyday were tough and the need to deal with the girls was even tougher. You had to learn the etiquettes of greeting, walking, sitting, standing, eating, bowing, drinking and everything else that involved the movement of your body, the palace language and way of speaking, and other skills such as singing, dancing, embroidery, story-telling, calligraphy, music, various instruments and many other things that caused you to be dead tired every night. It was even harder because the girls seemed to be good at everything if not at least a few of the things, while you struggled with almost everything. You were familiar with embroidery, poetry, calligraphy and the things that your father had forced you to do, but you were just not as good as the other girls. 

You did not really care about becoming the crown princess but the environment and competitiveness of the girls made you feel depressed and anxious about your situation. When night time came and you had the time for yourself, you went out to the Porcelain Garden to sit down and breathe. You missed home and wondered what were your parents doing back at home. 

While you were standing at one side of the pavilion, there was someone else on the other side. He was holding a binoculars and looking at the moon. You lifted your head and saw that the moon was indeed especially big and round tonight. There was another man standing next to him. 

“Who are you?” You were suddenly surrounded by guards. 

The two men turned to look at the commotion. 

“What do you mean?” you were shocked and scared at the same time. 

The guards were threatening you until the man with the binoculars walked over and said, “what’s going on?” 

The guards immediately kneeled down and greeted, “my honour, 6th prince, 7th prince.” 

You were the only one standing, not knowing what was going on. 

“How dare you, lowly servant! How dare you not bow down in front of the princes!” One of the male servants who was following behind the two men shouted. 

You stood there frozen, still not knowing what was going on and what you should do. You were suddenly seized by force to kneel to the ground and one of the men stopped the guards. 

“Who are you?” The man with the binoculars asked. He looked young and he had big round eyes. 

“I... i was asked to enter the palace a few days ago... I’m living in the White Porcelain chambers....” 

“Ah! You must be one of the girls contesting to be my brother’s wife then!” 

Apparently, the man with the binoculars was the youngest prince. His name was Jungkook and he was the younger and only blood brother of the crown prince. They were both children of the current queen. The crown prince has two older brothers but he was made the crown prince because he was the eldest son of the queen. The two older brothers were the same age, Namjoon and Hoseok, and they came from the third and fourth concubines, which explained why Namjoon could not be the crown prince even though Taehyung thought that Namjoon would be more suitable to be the future king. 

The 6th prince was Jimin, and he was the cousin of the crown prince. His father was the older brother of the queen, the general that led and fought many wars, which made him and his family powerful. Taehyung has another cousin who was known as the 2nd prince and his father was the brother of the current emperor. The father of the first prince was also the oldest brother of the current emperor. 

All these were told by the court lady who saved you from the situation. She heard the commotion and fell to her knees, explaining to the princes that you were one of the girls in selection and you were given your own personal time to meditate but she did not expect any of the girls to come out to the garden on their own. 

The youngest prince laughed it off and told the court lady that it was a beautiful night to take a walk in the garden and to look up to the sky to admire the moon, but the court lady kept her head bowed and apologised for the inconveniences caused to the princes. She quickly asked to be excused and promised that she would discipline you and take stricter control on the girls. 

“I shouldn’t be telling you all these but you need to know that the palace is a dangerous place. You need to be extra careful and not make any mistakes,” the court lady looked around before telling you in a hushed manner. 

"But the garden belongs to White Porcelain and we are allowed to be there, aren't we?" You tried to argue, you did not understand why you were treated like an intruder when it was the princes who shouldn't be there.

"Shush! Every space and every stone on the ground belongs to the royalties. Just remember not to go about on your own. Even a small mistake could cost your life!" the court lady warned in a voice still as hushed.

“Guess who we just met?” Jungkook exclaimed when he saw Taehyung arrived at the garden. 

“One of your wife-to-be” he continued after Taehyung gave him a blanked look. 

Taehyung turned and saw your backview as you entered into the inner palace and disappeared from his sight. 

“So how are you feeling about the upcoming selection?” Jimin asked. 

Taehyung looked at the moon and said, “I think... I want to pick only one. I will only have one queen.”  

"I don't think father would approve," Jungkook raised his finger up to signal a "no" playfully.

"What do you think it looks like if the world knows that I only have one queen, and she is the one I truly loved?"

"Hmm... nobody cares?" The youngest answered.

Jimin laughed, "they would probably think their king does not like women or he might be....." Jimin looked down at Taehyung's crotch, "impotent."

The two princes burst out laughing and Taehyung hissed in annoyance. He couldn't forget the unfairness that he felt when you told him about your situation.

The next day, Taehyung decided to sneak into the White Porcelain Palace to check on the selections. He disguised himself as a male servant and infiltrated the palace, making his way into the White Porcelain Hall where the maidens were tested on poem recitals.

You sucked. Although none of the girls did outstandingly well, they were all reciting well while you were outstandingly terrible. Taehyung found it amusing because it was the same poem that he was teaching you and the same poem that you just somehow couldn't get right. He almost laughed out loud when you stumbled on the same word that he was trying so hard to get you to get it right. 

When Taehyung was trying to secretly leave the White Porcelain Palace unnoticed, he bumped into you. He wished he could turn invisible in that moment.

"Hey! It's you!" You exclaimed. "We were all wondering where did you go. Why did you leave without telling anyone?"

"I... errrr...."

"Ah I understand. You must be in the rush to return here," you looked at Taehyung from head to toe and deciphered from his clothing that he was a servant at the palace. You lowered your voice and looked around before continuing, "this place is so strict and stifling."

Stifling. Taehyung had never wanted anyone to feel this way about his home. He wondered if this was what all the servants and people who lived in the palace felt. Stifled. Like birds with clipped wings. The palace was a mould that people had to fit in. He wondered if his brothers felt this way. If his other mothers felt this way.

Taehyung was sitting in his chamber looking out at the full moon from his window when his male servant came in and politely asked, "you may wish to use a blanket, Your Majesty." Taehyung took the blanket but did not use it. He knew that the servant was doing his job of offering the blanket and he did not want to cause any trouble for him. When any forms of danger and mishaps happened to the royalties, the servants would usually be punished.

"Make sure that the girl gets in," Taehyung commanded without looking away from the moon.

"Pardon?" The male servant was taken aback and slightly confused.

"The one from yesterday, make sure she gets in."

The male servant seemed to understand and he grinned, thinking that the young and hormonal prince must have caught his eyes on you.

"Do you wish for me to send her here now, Your Majesty?” The servant gave a smirk. 

Taehyung sighed. “Get her into the selections without drawing attention.” 

“At your command, Your Majesty."