#i guess now i know what my life is like without mcyt lol

[canyoubelieveitsmc]

We are all losing our minds since hermitcraft ended

hear me out. what if. a one piece au.

[anonsactive]

How do I move on from a fandom?

I feel so empty, and also ashamed for some reason.

From 2021 to the end of 2023 I spent my nights before bed reading DSMP fan fiction. They were the most love filled pieces of text I had ever read. You could feel the breath of passion slobbered all down those works. These stories were about learning to live with grief of any kind, learning how to be independent—to be your own person, dealing with severe depression, learning about how to accept kindness and forgiveness. Knowing that you deserve the world, that you deserve to be loved.

You could see in real time an authors improvement in writing too. (I think my English grades shot up because I spent time writing and reading MCYT a lot back then) like I can’t count how many Harry Potter sized works I have read (I’ve written one too, I’m so shocked still by that)

It was my first and only fandom I have ever participated seriously in. Sure I’ve drawn a character for others here and there, I made a cringe comic for undertale AUs I saw on YouTube, but I had never been active online within a fandom. The QSMP was too much shipping for me, and this and that and blah�� it kinda felt forced to make the art on my account currently.

Nothing else ever has matched the dsmp characters, the raw emotions, the dynamics, since then. I need something similar to grapple onto. my life’s (night) routine has been shaken up as amusing as it sounds. The only reason I stopped reading was cuz in late 2023 I got a partner whose time I honour lol.

It’s kinda crazy that i wouldn’t be the same without the fandom actually. Like those fics really helped me during my pique of suicidal ideation. So much comfort, so much life. The characters born from them are beautiful. They make me feel like I’m wrapped in a blanket by a fire place eating marshmallows. Bruh.

I think this void I feel now is because the fandom developed at such a pivotal moment in my life, of my puberty. I’ve changed so much since 2020.

Who else relates? Who else feels as though they’ve lost something? The fandoms slowing down, especially after everything that the original creators have gone through. I’m growing up and becoming distant from the fandom, distant from a time that was easy. I guess this is what growing up is like??

[working-on-becoming-a-better-me]

Day 253—Mar. 23, 2021

Okay, so the numbers for my previous consecutive posts were off by a day (like a day ahead) and February 7′s math was way off, but I googled this! so from here on out, we will be accurate! let’s go bois!

BIG UPDATE BOIS! Essentially? I’VE GOTTEN BETTER! Mental health is better, habits are better, outlook on life is better, productivity... isn’t as high as it was when I first started the blog, but it’s doing MUCH better than November and even January.

coping with minecraft:

So, I’m still addicted to the dream smp minecraft fandom. my friend got me a dream hoodie, bucket hat, and a georgenotfound hoodie for my birthday. but! I’m coping better. I’m behind on streams, and am now catching up during Spring Break. For a while, I was pushing back school work to watch and catch up on streams. I promised myself that during free periods I would work since I was catching up on streams at home, and then... yeah. ANYWAY! I’ve gotten a lot better at that recently by noticing that even fanart accounts (accounts dedicated to mcyt-ers) were talking about how they didn’t watch a phasmaphobia stream because they weren’t interested in it, or talking about how they were behind on streams... it really helped me accept the fact that I can be a real fan and not watch every single stream.

cultural convention:

My international school does events with other international schools but because of covid, we can’t travel. I act and made varsity drama (we call it a different name, but yeah!) and we had virtual conferences. I was incredibly friendly and loud and there were tons of zoom calls. Our schools kinda known for being... uh, stuck up? and kinda elitist. Not like I was being fake, but I was making an effort to talk during calls and be active on group chats made. I joke-flirt a lot and focused my attention on one person. A whole thing ensued, but some of the other actors in my school (there were only 11 of us) were joking abut sending me to “horny jail” and one girl kept apologizing for me. During “lounge sessions” I would interject with what I thought were funny comments and she’d say “again, I’d like to apologize for her behavior” and... uh... I cried at school. Cuz I’ve heard way too many times from too many different people about how I’m embarrassing... BUT.

What really helped was the fact that there were late night zoom calls and I was one of only three kids from my school the first night on a call with around 25 people. Other people said I helped give them a really good first impression of our school, especially considering all the things they’d heard previously. The guy I joke-flirted with (I previously dmed him asking if he was okay with it and he said he was) said on a call that I was one of the funniest people he’d met in a while. It was a huge confidence booster in knowing that the efforts I was making were paying off :)

confidence:

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. I’ve been practicing more positive self speak and have recently realized the difference between the way I speak about and to myself and how some other people do. Being nicer to myself out loud has helped a lot in feeling better and more comfortable.

I wanted to try wearing black masks, but my mom bought the wrong kind. They had patterns and I was really nervous because I didn’t really want to stand out. I used to not care, but... I dunno. Teenagehood and whatnot. We wear uniforms too, so the only differences are in accessories, hair, etc. I’m not sure why, but I was really nervous to wear the new mask patterns to school. But I told myself it was an experiment, to force me to be more confident. I actually forgot I was wearing it until I saw myself. And since I’d posted on my private story saying I was doing this to try and be more comfortable, some of my friends came up to me and told me it was actually cute. Shows that I really had nothing to stress for. Not that it was really self-expression, but for me, and anyone else who needs to hear this, no one cares. Maybe they even wish they had the courage to wear different things as well.

mcyt mantra:

I have a mantra now! adapted from something drunk Wilbur Soot said during Quackity’s livestream, I think. I repeat it when I’m happy and when I’m nervous or scared and I guess... I dunno, I’m like classically conditioning myself? Except not really since I’m doing it out of order. But yeah! get yourself a mantra!!!

character day:

more with confidence! spirit week is just an excuse for kids to not wear their uniforms, but I put a lot of effort into an Ace Ventura outfit I put together. I only saw around two or three other people actually dressed up as characters, but I had so much fun and thought I looked amazing. I was proud that I wasn’t a normie ;]

Also... it’s so humid in this country and the rubber bottoms of my boots actually stuck to the pavement and fell off. I spent the day without the bottoms of my shoes and it was so funny. Even my mom laughed after (she laughed for so long, it was adorable) and she said only I could pull it off and that the friend I walk to school with everyday is lucky to have me as a friend. My mom was telling me about how she never had a friend like me growing up, just so weird and goofy. And it made me happy to think that I can bring so much... zaniness to people’s lives

ao3:

been writing a lot more recently! haven’t been posting on my writing blog since it’s all fanfiction, but it’s helping me write! I update one of my stories every two weeks. When I feel like I’m not doing enough, it’s a nice reminder that I actually can be consistent. I may be getting better... who knows :)

nehs:

been editing lots of papers even though I don’t need to anymore since I made vp of my school’s nehs chapter. but it’s helping me learn too! I’m very instinctual when writing, but obviously when I’m editing I can’t just ask them to change something because “it doesn’t sound right”. So I google explanations and then tell the people who’s papers I’m editing. It helps both them and me!

ipad/drawing:

got a new ipad for my birthday. been messing around with procreate. been doodling in class (only dream team characters so far lol). might be getting better... hopefully I am!

also have a sticky notes app on my ipad and been creating to-do lists! yay!

teaching:

been teaching students in cambodia! last year I had a teaching partner who guided lessons mostly. this year I’m the leading teacher. It’s helping with my fear of leadership and responsibility.

social:

still not the most social, but more active on snapchat now with keeping in contact with some of the cultural convention kids. covids made it harder to keep in contact, and I’ve been trying to reach out more to my closest friend who I’ve not hung out with in a while. not that we don’t see each other at lunch every other day, but I walk to school with, share a class and after school study hall with another friend. so comparably, I’ve spent less time with my closest friend.

recently had a spa day with my small neighborhood gang! my friend painted my other guy friend’s nails! yes! we used face masks as well :)

general update:

- went to the pool the other day and now I’m hecka burnt

- yesterday I wrote letters for honor society points, caught up on math hw, wrote a reflection and plan for a class, reviewed chinese with my mom, met up with my “mentor” for a class

- have been helping a lot of people! am currently a part of two people’s pieces for their theater class and I have a rehearsal later today!

- was doing a lot of work as an officer of thespian honor society—I’m likely going to be on the officer team again next year and, until a few weeks ago, I hadn’t felt like I’d been doing much and was feeling unworthy. but then I was proactive about something and updated our sponser (school’s drama director) on what we as officers decided. felt... prettyyy goooodddd :)

- !!! yesterday I went on a walk and brought money and my student ID, ready to buy bubble tea, but then... I mustered up what little willpower I had and then didn’t buy it. Instead, I bought surprise lilies for my mom (and some groceries she asked me to get)   - been trying to cut out unnecessary sugars and foods. if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat, but also... I listen to my body and if I’m feeling really snacky, I’ll indulge   - recently been craving ice cream, but not the flavors in my fridge so instead I’m just not eating ice cream at all and ate an apple once as a substitute :D

- not sure if I’ve been sleeping more, but it kinda feels like I have been?

- started taking pictures of the world when I think it’s pretty one sunny afternoon when I was laughing lots with a friend... especially right after cul con, I was taking a lot more pictures...

- just been more active (not physically... though occasionally, when bored, I’ll stretch some... but I should try and get more active (I mean... the walk yesterday?))... creatively speaking (ao3, with art), socially online (cul con kids), in person (making plans over spring break!)...

- I just feel like I’ve been putting more effort into life

of course, there are the down bits, like for one project based class where the end product is due in May-ish and it focuses on the “process”... I’m just... not... process-ing. I chose a writing project (why). I’m focusing a lot on my side projects, but not my class writing one :/ as well as that, when assignments pick up, I do too, but when I get down time I feel like I deserve it (which I do!) but I don’t work ahead. I’ve been really busy though. Teaching got cancelled because the school in Cambodia shut down unfortunately due to covid. But before spring break, I was teaching, editing papers, writing my own for lang, doing cul con and then catching up on work I missed because of cul con, studying for tests, attending rehearsals... there’s a lot going on and I need to recognize that I am doing so well, especially compared with a few months prior when I was in a much darker place.

mostly stress has been my plague, but yeah! also in the span of one week, two classes bumped up a grade (or half a grade... we have letters and + system (no -)) so my previously low gpa became slightly less low! It gave me confidence that I can end the semester strong!

procrastination: another plague. I keep delaying setting up college counseling meetings and have delayed this update for a while now... and the project-class...

also have babysitting jobs again so we gon get some monnaayyyyy! (job is not from people we met at the pool, but we did meet people at the pool and their kids liked me so much they asked me mom to get me to babysit them... another boost to confidence! yay :) I’m a likeable person :] )

thanks for sticking around! I’m glad I’m getting this update in because I’m doing... really well :D hope you guys are also doing well or that it gets better!

[quaranmine]

slfjdsklfjs reading about your watching S7, then switching to S8, and then going back to S9 because you wanted to add a bunch of different povs--yeah that's the Hermitcraft Experience(tm). i started watching at the very beginning of S7, and it was like. right at the beginning of the pandemic. and i was like ah well it looks like i aint got nothing else to do anymore so i dove right in. and theres just always something else to watch. i was watching like a dozen povs or more but at some point actual responsibilities reeled me back in and i have since had to majorly drop that for my own sanity. but basically: lol totally understandable

also S7 is very much My Season and means very much to me--i do recommend watching it because it was a fantastic season. but in terms of like, stuff to watch first, i think S8 is an easy one purely because it's faster to watch and still very relevant in fanart/fanfic right now. but S7 is just. so good. i actually joined because of tumblr too--i think the season premiere managed to get trending and i saw it on the trending page. mcyt trends all the time on tumblr now, but back then, it was very rare, so i was sort of lucky to see it. and mumbo was the first hermit i watched :] and then i immediately watched grian same day because they both only had one or two episodes on season s7 out. and then i turned around and watched all grian's s6

you're def ahead of me with knowing bdubs and etho from mindcrack--i know of mindcrack now, but i never watched it and i hadn't heard of it when i joined the fandom. i did watch mcyt years before but more on the captainsparklez side of things. it's super interesting to see your perspective on mumbo though! i think it makes total sense. hes still very much Here in terms of fancontent, and hes very much present in past seasons, but it's cool to see what you think of him when you havent actually seen him while he was active on the server. you are right that mumbo's break is getting more attention than wels', though (or iskall, who does vault hunters, but hasnt been so active on hermitcraft.) my guess is it's partially popularity, since mumbo has the highest subscriber count of all the hermits, and partially since wels has been known to take breaks before but this is literally the first time mumbo has since. ever. and since he was on hermitcraft since S2.....pretty much nobody in the fandom has ever watched the series Without Him. we miss him very much LOL

and hermitgang is from S6 actually!! it's from the S6 Civil War. you are correct that grian was in a hippies team with ren versus doc (and scar.) however, S6 is also the longest season--they called it sixfinity since it kept going so long. as such, there are a LOT of noteworthy plots in it, so the Area 77 vs Hippies came after the Civil War. There was also the Build Off, Convex/Concorp, poultry man, Sahara, and the Demise game to name a few. it's an excellent season. anyway, Civil War is maybe episodes 40-49 on Grian's S6? it's hard to tell exactly when it started because it very much was chain of people pranking each other and then blaming it on others that eventually developed into people taking sides. so you honestly probably have to go before episode 40. i'm not sure grian ever plays Hermitgang in his episodes since it was the other team's song, but that's the pov I watched for Civil War. They were keeping score on the war and each side had a few "lives" and after Doc posted Hermitgang Joe, who was on G-team, just went and removed a life from them haha. Joe wrote a response too, which not a lot of people knew!

i think it's nice grian gave an explanation for his grumbot references since it has been two years and the fandom has grown exponentially since then however that doesn't stop me from starting to dig my own grave because i'm clearly a fandom ancient now if people don't know mumbo for mayor anymore