#i guess i do *technically* have a base but its purpose is to solely serve as a warehouse for excess equipment and items

[slime-crafters]

I don't remember ever recreating this, but The First Night Lego set was my whole life as a kid. I fucked up a bit, and this is by no means a "first night" build but... I think you could get this done in the first day

Reference I used below

[miraculouscontent]

*rubs hands together*

The first thing to talk about with this episode is the pacing, and I think this might contribute to why people think it’s the best/least bad of Season 4 (personally, I’d rather watch “Furious Fu” but that’s just me; also, this isn’t the only contributing factor as to why I think people might feel this way, but I’ll get there later).

The episode has a very serious pacing issue, particularly with its more intense scenes. There’s only one minute of time dedicated to Ladybug landing on her bed, de-transforming, and her snapping at her friends plus them leaving. More time was spent on Chat Noir and Ladybug in the movie theater and Ladybug storming out.

I particularly remember watching the episode and getting eighteen minutes in, at which point I had the realization of, “It feels like nothing’s happened?”

This episode is supposed to be a big gut punch, but the season has been going by at the speed of sound, like they’re trying desperately to play all their cards at once (Lukanette break-up, Adrimi break-up, then Alya is told Marinette’s secret identity). Instead of letting things build and play out for a while in the interest of suspense, the show just throws whatever will get a big reaction out of the fandom (whether positive or negative) and it doesn’t care how shoddily put together everything is. The first two episodes feel like hastily put together drafts, and while this one is technically more put together, it still feels like a draft.

Let’s just start with Chat Noir, who feels completely out of place in the episode. Not only does he imply that he intentionally calls Ladybug “Bugaboo” (which she has told him to stop doing) in order to get a reaction out of her, but when Ladybug insists that she doesn’t want to talk, he tricks her into thinking that he has a good location to do so (and my heart breaks a little at how readily she trusts him) only to then take her to a romantic movie, then shush her when she calls him out for it because she “said she didn’t want to talk.”

Gee, and people wonder why she didn’t tell him her secret (even outside of “Chat Blanc” existing)?

And... look, I know it’s a joke, but I do not find it funny. The “joke” is basically that Chat Noir is taking advantage of the situation to flirt with Ladybug, and though I find it at least mildly cathartic that Ladybug is unaffected by all the people staring at them while Chat Noir is embarrassed, this episode is coming right after the one where Kagami broke up with Adrien, and here Chat Noir is getting his flirt game on. I already talked about all my problems with “Lies” so I won’t do it again, but I’ll just say that it’s not a mystery why Ladybug doesn’t want to talk to him and would rather avoid her problems.

(Not to mention that Ladybug knows that Chat Noir likes her, so talking about her romantic problems with him is awkward to say the least and would come off as insensitive.)

Honestly, at this point I feel like they must be building to something with Chat, like Ladybug finally going off of him with no mercy and that forces him to give up/fall out of love for her because reverse love square, but if that’s what they intend to go for, then that means Marinette is going to fall for this guy who’s repeatedly disrespected her feelings for multiple seasons, almost abandoned her and let Paris drown because she wouldn’t tell him a secret that wasn’t hers to tell, and just generally all the other things he did????

Ugh, I don’t wanna think about it. Let’s just move on.

Talking about Ladybug and her rant next, it basically summarizes the whole show in a nutshell, but simultaneously casts a shadow of sorts over “Truth” for people who maybe missed the episode entirely (which is also sort of the show in a nutshell). I mean, Ladybug confirming to the audience that she was genuinely in love and happy with Luka (you can’t watch how depressed she was over the break-up and not think that) was great, but Ladybug’s dialog implies that Luka “hated secrets” and that’s why they broke up, when Luka was more just... hurt that she couldn’t be honest with him, and he didn’t actively hate secrets. Marinette broke up with him because she felt like she had to; because she had to keep ditching and lie to him.

In addition, what she says also hints to the audience that they’ve both held and kissed each other, which not only indicates cowardice on the part of the staff (”yeah this happened but--um--off-screen; we’d still like credit tho plz”), but may perhaps go back to the theory I had about how Adrimi and Lukanette were supposed to last longer in Season 4 but their arcs got cut (based on the Adrimi kiss having supposed to have gone off). This could mean that Ladybug’s statement was originally accurate to canon but the scenes got cut and the scriptwriters just awkwardly left it in, which is made more awkward by the cinema scene in “Truth” that felt like Luka and Marinette were kissing for the first time (again, alluding to the whole, “this entire season has been a draft” thing).

Also, if you think about what that actually means - that Luka and Marinette did have successful dates and kisses but they were off-screen - then all it adds up to is that showing Marinette happy and comfortable was something that the series didn’t deem as “interesting/fun enough” to show, because Marinette being happy isn’t something they want to see; only watching her be miserable, which is exactly what Ladybug says, along with how everything was “almost too simple, too easy,” because Marinette isn’t allowed to have nice things without being jammed through the wringer first.

And... sure, let’s say that Chat Noir thought the movie was genuinely a good idea; let’s assume that it could be a joke, him wanting to flirt, and him believing that it’d make her feel better somehow.

If that’s the case, then where’s the apology when it fails miserably? Ladybug goes from her semi-anxious state at the start of the episode (a little scatterbrained but ultimately just looking for a distraction), to outright enraged by the movie, and then to this upon leaving the cinema.

She just got her heart broken from being forced to break up with a boy she genuinely wanted to be with and there’s not a single, “Okay, maybe coming here was a bad idea, I’m sorry,” (which could’ve been seen as another joke with the audience like “lol no duh Chat Noir” so there’s no excuse not to have it) or, “My bad, that was insensitive of me. I really thought this would’ve helped but I wasn’t thinking about what you would’ve wanted.”

No. The only people Chat apologizes to are the other people at the theater because he’s embarrassed by Ladybug’s reactions, yet he himself feels no remorse for taking her there and has the gall to go on now about how he’s “there for her if she wants to talk.”

Again, it’s no wonder Ladybug doesn’t want to open up to him.

And I’m sorry, I just don’t buy that Marinette suddenly has all this free time. It’s one thing for her to have a little more time now that she’s broken up with her boyfriend (likely avoiding spending time with him altogether now), but “Truth” went out of its way to talk about all of the emergencies she had to deal with and how she doesn’t have any spare time. which is causing her to become forgetful and lose track of certain events (patrols with Chat, dates with Luka, etcetera), yet Marinette spends most of “Gang of Secrets” simply sulking on her bed. It’s so jarring to go from “Truth” where she was doing “too much” (which I called them out on for not describing what the “too much” she was doing was) and now “Gang of Secrets” where she’s not doing anything.

It’s almost like they invented that plot point to break Lukanette up and it served no purpose outside of it.

Furthermore, the scenes of her finally talking to Tikki and then deciding to live as Ladybug does nothing outside of making the plot more predictable, the latter because of the “Alya almost sees Ladybug” moment (an obvious indicator that Marinette is losing control and is struggling to maintain her secret identity due to her emotionally breaking down) and the former because of Tikki herself and what she doesn’t say.

Because, really, think about what actually goes on in the scene. Marinette (eyes rimmed red and filled with unshed tears, as she is for a good chunk of the episode) is venting to Tikki about - yes - her love life, but also that she has to lie to everyone in order to keep her identity a secret. The fact that Tikki focuses solely on the note of Marinette’s love life and not say a word about the identity/lying issue or even consider telling Marinette, “hey, this is clearly too much for you, you should tell someone, I think the benefits outweigh the risks right now,” really proves that the episode tried to avoid the topic altogether to try and make the ending more shocking (which ironically made it more predictable).

So yeah, not only does Tikki’s dialog with Marinette provide nothing except for a line about how she can’t help Marinette with love issues due to kwami not falling in love (alright, I guess aros can’t give good love advice then or have any input whatsoever), but Marinette’s line about lying to everyone being why she can’t pursue Adrien nor Luka is repeated in the very last scene of the episode. The only reason that scene and the scene after exist is because the writers needed Marinette to be emotionally devastated enough to leave for her balcony as Ladybug for the almost-reveal to Alya and so Rose would get close enough to the dollhouse to have an almost-reveal with the Miracle Box, making the scene feel further contrived because the emotional punch of Marinette wanting to live as Ladybug lasts for barely any time at all.

And it could’ve served a purpose, like if Ladybug had genuinely left and Alya finds her goggles and towel, recognizing them from a news story about how Ladybug had gone to the swimming pool after losing her temper at the cinema, which could’ve led to Shadow Moth making the girls believe that Ladybug was no longer heroic and had kidnapped Marinette, or... heck, Ladybug coming back inside would’ve been so much less jarring if she came back because she heard the girls’ voices talking about the dollhouse and had to hurry (but of course, then they’d have to point out the ridiculousness of Ladybug not hearing Alya calling her and the girls not hearing Ladybug literally shouting for Shadow Moth to come fight her, even though the kwami heard the girls calling for Marinette from the balcony).

But instead, the entire scene feels off and unnatural, forcing every part of it in order to get to where Marinette has to snap at the girls to make them leave.

(Oh, by the way, just a little detail to add to the annoyance: they bothered putting Tom and Sabine in the episode when the girls are leaving, clearly saddened by something that happened, and neither parent even bothers to go and check on Marinette to see if she’s upset or just to see what might’ve happened. They’re such a “blink-and-you’ll-miss it” moment in the episode and it’s not like I’m surprised because they’ve done this multiple times by now but really?)

As for the girls themselves... oof, where do I even begin?

Alright, first off is the annoyance that they assume Marinette’s problems relate only to lovesickness. Marinette has been an anxiety-prone mess throughout the entire series, and suddenly now the girls care about Marinette’s love problems on an emotional level rather than “we’ll meddle sometimes unless we don’t feel like it and be wholly inconsistent on how much we push for it.”? It’s not that I don’t see how they came to the conclusion (hearing that Luka and Marinette broke up and now seeing Marinette is depressed, it checks out), but considering they bothered noting that Marinette hadn’t told them anything, one would think they’d come to the conclusion of, “okay, we haven’t talked to her, we have no idea of what’s going on, maybe we don’t know her as well as we thought then and shouldn’t make guesses.”

Secondly is the “eternal friendship bracelet,” which comes off as a copy of the “Secrets” game from “Syren” extremely manipulative. Mylene goes on to explain that one is supposed to give a secret to the pearl “mentally,” yet when the girls actually show up to see Marinette, they expect to be told the secret directly. I’ve already talked at length about peer pressure and the mental stress Marinette goes through when they mock her and/or meddle for her, but this idea of, “well we all used this friendship bracelet after we mutually agreed to it so now it’s your turn because we said so!” just comes off really bad. I know the episode is going for this idea that their hearts are in the right place, but they’re really not. It feels like they’re the ones in denial and are trying to compensate by forcing Marinette to prove that they’re friends, unable to handle the idea that they might not be as close to her as they thought.

Thirdly, the show acts as if the girl squad are her only friends when we know that’s not true because we’ve seen episodes like “Befana” (the guys in the class), “Reverser” (Marc), “Ikari Gozen” (Kagami), and “Silencer” (Ivan) that all established Marinette having more friends than just them, but for the sake of “drama” and the depressing line of, “at least I don’t have any more friends to lie to,” the episode just pretends like Marinette’s friends are limited to Luka (who she had to break up with) and the girl squad (who she forced to leave and refuse the friendship of).

Fourthly is the actual set-up and the sheer grossness of it all. The girls call Marinette and leave a message about how they much they love her and how she can talk to them “where and when” she wants, and then - immediately afterwards - decide that they’re going to go straight to Marinette’s house completely unannounced, go into her room completely unannounced (not even knocking, by the way), and when Marinette begs them to leave, Alya basically tells her that she’s overreacting. When Marinette demands that they leave, Alya refuses and makes demands right back that they won’t leave until she tells them what’s wrong.

So much for “where and when” she wanted, right? It’s already one thing for the girls to invade Marinette’s privacy and demand/guilt-trip answers out of her, but it’s another thing to give the illusion of respecting her feelings and personal space only to actively plan to go back on it. I can’t tell if it’s a bad draft that they didn’t catch in quality check (you know, the quality check that they definitely don’t have) or just an intentional way to make them seem more sympathetic so Marinette looks worse for driving them out, but either way, it’s awful and I hate it. I would’ve rather had them be all in on invading Marinette’s privacy and learn a lesson in the end than outright contradict themselves.

There are also little nitpicks I could make (like Juleka’s constant mumbling despite Luka’s crush on Marinette playing a role in the episode, Horrificator getting sidelined due to being mute, and the girls’ akumatization ultimately being for spectacle and nothing else, serving no purpose to the plot and being furthered by the fact that Timebreaker goes after Marinette despite it being a bad idea and Reflekta’s power clearly not lining up with any sort of plan), but the real issue issue here comes down to the fact that these are Marinette’s so-called “friends” and the episode refuses to address their actual issues.

Alix, who is known for making rude comments at Marinette (”Gigantitan,” “Chat Blanc,” “Miraculous New York”) and then gives mixed messages by going along with meddling anyway.

Mylene, who is the closest thing to a background character in the girl squad but nevertheless finds her way into being definite voice against Marinette in “Chameleon.”

Juleka, who blamed Marinette for things she didn’t do in “Reflekdoll” and got huffy with her until Marinette apologized for said things.

Rose, who outright screamed at Marinette in “Chat Blanc” over a freaking stuffed animal, which pressured Marinette enough that she snuck into Adrien’s room to deliver her gift which nearly led to the end of the world.

And, of course, Alya; freaking Alya. I don’t even have to go into every single thing she’s ever done because I have a history of giving her absolutely no mercy.

...But let’s go through some anyway because I want to.

“Copycat” - Alya gives Marinette a script and tells her to memorize it, then immediately pushes the “call” button when Marinette hesitates after Marinette had just told Alya that she’s awful at improv.

“Darkblade” - Alya takes a jab at Marinette when Marinette says that she’s too busy to be class representative, implying that Alya thinks that Marinette does absolutely nothing with her time.

“Gamer” - Alya is busy recording the gaming competition when she and Marinette were supposed to be researching for a term paper. Alya then scolds Marinette for wanting to use the competition to get close to Adrien only to do a 180 and put up a fight about it when Marinette decides to quit.

“Animan” and how “The Puppeteer 2″ follows up on it - oh, I’m not going to touch that particular point right now, but keep those in the back of your mind, because I am going to absolutely go off later

“Simon Says” - Similarly to Marinette’s parents, Alya gives zero damns about whatever might be going on in Marinette’s life that's causing her to miss classes.

"Despair Bear” - Alya laughs at Marinette being forced to kiss Chloe’s cheek and then outright compares Marinette to Chloe after knocking Chloe multiple times during the episode (sure, just compare your “best friend” to her multi-year bully, how "hilarious” of you).

“Gigantitan” - Alya has no qualms about mocking Marinette’s over her failures, even if it embarrasses her and she’s been through enough already.

“Frozer” - Alya tries to find ways for Marinette to prevent herself from third-wheeling for Adrien, but when Marinette tries to show character growth by wanting to go, Alya gets into a shouting match with the other girls over how Marinette has “liked Adrien forever and isn’t going to give up now”.

“Catalyst” - Alya claims that Marinette is only salty over Lila out of jealousy when “Frozer” exists and literally is the prime evidence of Adrien liking another girl and Marinette telling Alya outright and very genuinely that she’s not jealous.

“Chameleon” - Alya doesn’t care about her best friend sitting in the back by herself while Alya herself get to sit next to her boyfriend and everyone else in general gets to sit where they want (Alya even acting confused at the mere suggestion that she’d tried to engineer things to let Marinette sit next to Adrien), then not only believes Lila over Marinette but contradicts herself twice (asking Marinette for proof when she has none herself, then claiming that she wouldn’t let her best friend sit by herself).

“Christmaster” - Alya leaves Marinette to babysit so she and Nino can go out on a date.

“Desperada” - Alya suddenly is for Lukanette for literally one episode and doesn’t know how/doesn’t even try to cover for Marinette’s Adrien blindness despite mocking her for multiple seasons over it.

“Reflekdoll” - Alya invites Adrien to something that’s crucial for Marinette to focus on after Marinette has already told her not to and continues meddling to the point where it gets Juleka akumatized (she also doesn’t get punished for it and the blame gets thrown onto Marinette).

“The Puppeteer 2″ - Alya pushes her luck with Nathalie to try and get Marinette to come with her, Nino, Adrien, and Manon to the museum, then traps Marinette in a room with Adrien to force her to spent alone time with him, even abandoning and forgetting about the child that she offered to watch for Marinette so she and her boyfriend can go off alone.

“Miraculous New York” - Alya is told directly by Marinette that she needs help seeing Adrien as a friend, which leads Alya to do the exact opposite throughout the entire special, at one point shouting at Marinette and pressuring her to chase after a car, in the rain, while there’s a supervillain rampaging through Paris, and all of this right after the scheme that Alya had set up caused both Marinette and Adrien to go missing.

And just saying, as Marinette’s supposed “best friend,” Alya sure doesn’t know how to handle her. It was acceptable back in “The Bubbler” when she asked Marinette about signing the gift too late and the same goes for “Dark Cupid,” but by the time we get to late Season 2/3 and Alya refuses to learn Marinette’s weak spots (unless it’s to mock her) and adjust accordingly (like if she’d already made sure the gift was signed in “Chat Blanc,” which would’ve prevented Adrien seeing Ladybug at all due to the time difference), it starts getting infuriating.

A best friend is supposed to cover for their friend’s weaknesses. Alya doesn’t do that; she meddles and often drives Marinette’s anxiety even further up a wall with absolutely no consideration for Marinette’s feelings (”Dark Cupid,” “The Puppeteer 2,” “Reflekdoll,” “Miraculous New York”).

And here, she and the other girls are rewarded for it. Luka actively resisted his akumatization whereas the girls gave in immediately, yet Marinette still opens up to them in the end, likely because they had pressured her and made her feel bad for the secrets she was keeping while Luka was willing to actually wait for her to be ready to talk to him. I can’t put into words how frustrating it is watching these girls trample all over Marinette’s feelings, not have their worst actions called out, and then jump cut post-deakumatization to Marinette telling them exactly what they wanted to know about her love life.

You know what this entire episode is really missing, outside of a coherent plot, properly-paced development, and a basic understanding of rewarding a character for things they’ve held firmly to?

It’s missing the apology. Chat Noir apologizes to a bunch of moviegoers and Rose apologizes for the broken dollhouse, but no one apologizes to Marinette for how they treated her, especially not the “friends” who got rewarded in the end.

“Sorry, we shouldn’t have told you that we’d respect your feelings and then showed up unannounced to make you talk about them.”

“We’re sorry we came into your room and invaded your privacy. You were right to be mad at us.”

“Oh my gosh, Marinette, we got akumatized and we’re so sorry for literally all five of us going after you and probably scaring the living daylights out of you.”

And as if that wasn’t enough, guess what else this is missing? It’s kind of important and brought up directly in the episode, yet the episode simultaneously goes out of its way not to bring it up again.

It’s the reason why Marinette didn’t tell the girls about her relationship with Luka. It’s not there - it’s missing - and the girls never try to pursue the subject. They talk about how Marinette didn’t tell them but don’t think for a second that maybe it’s them who have failed as friends. Instead, they don’t guess anything about why Marinette wouldn’t tell them (which is already strange considering how much they already assume about her) and jump straight to, “well clearly we just need to push for her to talk to us.”

Gonna just go out on a limb here and say that maybe - just maybe - Marinette didn’t tell them because they are habitually pushy in everything they do.

Because they would’ve teased her relentlessly about, “ohhhh you’ve got eyes for Luka? what about Aaaaaadrien~? aren’t you sooo tooorn between both of these cute guys?”

Because they would’ve meddled to force her and Luka together and gotten on her case when/if she ever had to bail on him.

Because their intrusion on her feelings for Adrien had caused her nothing but problems and she just wanted to be with Luka in peace without them forcing their way into things.

Because--hey, wild thought--maybe they’re not really friends???

But the episode completely avoids it, because that would’ve meant addressing it; it would’ve meant acknowledging that they messed up, which - fun fact - they actually don’t do in the episode.

They invaded Marinette’s privacy, insisted that she tell them how she feels (not about them of course because that would imply that they felt like they screwed up), and in the end it’s Marinette who gives them exactly what they asked of her, and the closest thing we get to acknowledging anything is Alix telling her/joking with her that they’ll help her confess to whoever she likes as soon as she tells them she’s ready.

That’s not an apology. That’s not an acknowledgment of wrongdoing. Even when the five of them are about to get akumatized, it’s not a circle of them saying, “here’s how I screwed up, I could’ve done better but I didn’t and I lost Marinette because of it.”

No. It’s just them talking about how sad the situation is. Mylene has the closest thing to remorse in saying, “I hoped it would work,” but where does it go? A grand total of nowhere, especially because Marinette still takes the bracelet in the end instead of the girls mutually deciding, “okay, maybe the bracelet was a bad idea; how about we all agree on making something together instead, no requirements attached?”

And then the episode has the gall to act as if Alya has gone through character growth when all they did was put Alya through the same thing that Chloe did. I’ll explain that last bit momentarily, but first let’s talk about the whole “growth” thing.

Because there’s no apology or acknowledgement of wrongdoing, all Alya does when she’s finally alone with Marinette is do a 180 from where she was at the start of the episode, going from, “friends have to tell each other everything,” to, “hey, if you don’t want to tell me, then that’s your right.”

The crucial part that’s supposed to go in the middle is missing. Instead of acknowledging her failures, Alya just cuts straight to “””being a better friend,”““ but storytelling doesn’t work that way.

It literally would have taken zero effort to fit an acknowledgement into that scene. “You don’t have to tell me everything, I get that now. All my meddling’s done is hurt you and I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t trust me.”

In a world where Marinette has to apologize for everything, has to learn lessons and suffer because the narrative says so, I will not accept anything less from other characters who are trying to develop and improve. That’s not fair to Marinette, nor has it ever been.

Instead of properly developing Alya, the show does whatever it can to get its audience to root for her as Marinette’s “best friend” (ugh) without having to put in the effort of admitting that Alya hasn’t been Marinette’s “best” friend.

Remember when I brought up Chloe? Yeah, “Malediktator” did a similar thing, showing Chloe doing something awful, then being sad (while not actually acknowledging the thing she did wrong), and in the end she was rewarded with a miraculous prematurely.

One show of character from Chloe and Marinette gave her a miraculous. One show of character from Alya and Marinette told her that she was Ladybug.

(Also, for the record, I think Chloe is far worse than Alya character-wise and I’m not comparing their characters; this is just the simplest comparison I can draw here from a narrative standpoint.)

“Miraculer” is another apt comparison, perhaps even more so. Chloe got Hawk Moth in her head after an akuma landed in her photo of her and Ladybug, but Chloe resisted and fought back, ultimately forcing the akuma out of her and freeing herself from Hawk Moth’s control.

But it wasn’t to develop her character; no, it was to convince the audience of Chloe and Sabrina’s friendship so they’d feel something during Sabrina’s happy flashbacks, then lay the foundation of tricking viewers into believing that Chloe might not go to Hawk Moth’s side.

At the end of the day, it was doing something that’s “never been done before” in order for the character to earn brownie points for something that the writers can just have them do because willpower is an easy thing to just write in. “Gang of Secrets” does the exact same thing when Lady Wifi breaks free from Shadow Moth, with Ladybug even hammering it home by talking about how no one’s ever done it before.

And the pacing is - again - awful. Not only is Ladybug banking on this working when she herself says that it’s never been done, but the conversation between her and Lady Wifi where Ladybug tries to convince her doesn’t even take a minute.

It also has nothing to do with Marinette herself; Ladybug relies on Alya’s adoration/friendship with her as Ladybug (you know, after Alya took a photo of LadyNoir kissing and posted it online without Ladybug’s consent, betrayed her by putting information on the LadyBlog that Hawk Moth was able to take advantage of, and is the only hero outside of Chloe to resist returning a miraculous) in order to break from Hawk Moth’s control, because talking about Marinette with Lady Wifi didn’t even work.

(Ladybug also uses her yoyo as a portal to the Miracle Box when this has never been pre-established to be a thing despite Ladybug acting as if she knew it was; further proof that this episode was rushed.)

And of course talking about Marinette didn’t work, because that would’ve meant convincing Alya that her reason for getting akumatized was “wrong” and the episode didn’t want to do that. It didn’t want someone else actually learning something and feeling bad; surely, this is just Alya being manipulated by Shadow Moth and having the power to break free because Ladybug “needs Rena Rouge” and not because Lady Wifi and her friends are chasing after their supposed best friend and that’s--you know--wrong???

Rena Rouge’s reappearance is also yet another thing the episode refuses to address because it avoids the topic of “but my identity--”. At least “Heart Hunter” had the tact to have Kagami question why Ladybug was giving her the dragon again, but “Gang of Secrets” treads as lightly as possible on any discussion of identities outside of Marinette saying that she can’t, as if it were Marinette who made the choice of concealing her identity and not the basic idea of heroing that has been stressed over and over for the whole show.

Even Plagg of all kwami stated back in “Origins” that no one is supposed to know about secret identities, a rule that continues becoming flaky and muddled with each passing season, almost like they kept attempting to retcon and make the audience dulled to the idea so that the reveal in “Gang of Secrets” would be more acceptable.

But now, with the way they did it and how they don’t even have Tikki comment on the matter, it once again has it look like they’re making it - say it with me, everyone - Marinette’s fault.

Alya says that Marinette has a choice in telling her secret, Marinette insists that she doesn’t and goes on and on about how it’ll change everything, and then just... tells Alya her secret in the end.

And remember all the way back in Season 2? “Sapotis”?

Alya: What were you saying about her secret identity?

Marinette: Ladybug needs it to protect her family and friends. Otherwise the villains could use them to get to her.

Alya: Well, if I knew who Ladybug really was, I'd keep it a secret. I would even help her! Like say, if you were Ladybug, I'd cover for you — when you needed to transform in school, go fight the "baddies", you know?

Marinette: Oh yeah? Well, if I was Ladybug I wouldn't even tell you, to protect you from the "baddies", you know?

Alya: You serious? If I was Ladybug, I'd totally tell you! Because I tell my best friend everything.

And now here we are in “Gang of Secrets,” as if the narrative is saying, “See, Marinette? Alya was right all along, you were just being ridiculous and making yourself suffer for no reason!”

Yet Marinette had a right to keep her secrets. When Alya and Nino learned each other’s identities, Alya took a hit for Nino in “Catalyst” and both of them fell to Scarlet Moth’s akumas. Chloe was a mess and a half because of Hawk Moth knowing her identity. Fu had told Marinette that her miraculous would get taken if she and Chat Noir learned each other’s identities.

The only ones who received no consequences due to someone knowing their identity were Pegase (who Chat Noir and Markov knew), Ryuko (who Chat Noir, Ikari Gozen, and Hawk Moth knew), and Viperion (who Adrien knew). “Chat Blanc” also exists where Marinette got the impression that people discovering her identity would be a disaster, and even all the way back in “Lady Wifi” insisted that not telling anyone her identity was “listening to her head and not her heart,” and the narrative has relentlessly humiliated her for going with her heart, so yeah, probably for the best.

I hate that the episode avoids talking about anything identity-related outside of what comes out of Marinette’s mouth to make it appear like it was her choice all along. I hate that they had Tikki fixate on Marinette’s love problems instead of having her actually support Marinette and admit that Marinette should tell someone before she has a mental breakdown. I hate that the episode inserts Rena Rouge into the plot as if to brush all identity issues away so as to make Marinette’s identity reveal seem less jarring.

Now, of course I’m glad Marinette told someone. Of course I want her to get love and support from someone. Of course I think the benefits outweigh the risks, or I wouldn’t have written multiple fix-its where her identity gets revealed in some way or someone already knows.

But I didn’t want it to be Alya, because I knew how they’d do it. I knew they’d do it wrong and I knew that they wouldn’t have the courage to address Alya’s issues properly.

Those familiar with my blog will know that I’d been taking negative predictions for future seasons for a while and adding them to cards whenever they were proven right. Does anyone remember the Season 4 predictions that were proven correct for “Gang of Secrets,” specifically these ones?

- “Alya will suddenly be portrayed as a good/worthy friend to Marinette in/if there's an episode where Marinette tells her that she's Ladybug”

- “Alya resisting Shadow Moth/fighting back against him will be used to excuse telling Alya Marinette's secret identity“

- “Alya will know that Marinette is Ladybug first because "BFFs" despite being one of the worst candidates for it“

- “The secret that broke Lukanette up will be resolved in episode 3 when Marinette tells Alya“

Each and every one of those were mine, because I knew that whether Season 4 had a proper chronological order or not, the writers would not have the guts to develop Alya first and then have Marinette tell her in a future episode after Alya has properly earned it.

I knew that they wouldn’t take time to develop Alya. I knew that they would have Alya resist Shadow Moth to make Alya look “worthy” of the secret. I knew that Alya would swoop in during the last minute and a half of an episode, insisting that Marinette “didn’t have to tell her anything” when Alya had been pushy and insistent for the entire rest of the episode and the whole series in general, and would ultimately be rewarded with the big secret simply because she’s “the best friend” and that’s it.

The Alya at the end of the episode isn’t the Alya I’ve known for the entire rest of the series before this, or at the very least they turned her into an Alya I don’t recognize.

Alya claims during the ending scene that she knows that Marinette is hiding something beyond her love problems because she - as a reporter and “her best friend” - can sense such things, and all I’m left wondering is

w h e r e ?

Where and when has Alya been suspicious or worried about Marinette keeping a secret from her? What, back in “The Pharoah” where she didn’t immediately disregard Marinette for the role of Ladybug, or “Simon Says” where she vaguely teased Marinette about having a double life, both Season 1 episodes?

Where was Alya in “Truth” saying that she didn’t know Marinette’s secret but knew that she was keeping one? Where was Alya anywhere in Season 3 being concerned that Marinette hasn’t told her something? Where was this “supposedly very observant” Alya when Marinette needed her to out Lila because Lila got her expelled--oh wait, Alya “observed” that Lila did nothing and Marinette was just jealous.

What, is it only now that Alya suddenly “knows” that Marinette is hiding something else? Now, after Alya has already not known that Marinette was literally dating someone, even when Alya had multiples pictures of Marinette and said someone giving each other heart eyes and saw Marinette leaving school with said someone riding on the same bike together, you know, like normal, typical, average friends would?

Where’s the line where Alya acknowledges the problem? Where’s Alya sitting down with Marinette and admitting, “hey, I’m sorry I haven’t noticed this stuff, but I promise I’ll do better starting right now, and that’s how I know now that you’re hiding something else, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that it’s been hurting you”?

I can’t tell you where it is, but I can say that it’s certainly not in this episode. 60% of the episode features the Alya we knew from the rest of the series and then switches her out the second she’s de-akumatized for another Alya who hasn’t done anything that the old one has because she pretends like it didn’t happen.

You know how I know? Because of this absolute gut punch of a line that showed that the series wanted to handwave everything away.

“I know how to keep a secret.”

...Really? Does she now? Well, I hope everyone remembered my point about “Animan” and “The Puppeteer 2,” because I’m bringing it right back.

Considering that “Truth” has been burned into all of our memories, we all definitely remember when Truth shoots Alya and questions her on Marinette’s secret, to which Alya states that Marinette’s secret is, “She’s in love with Adrien Agreste.” Now, at the time of Season 4′s airing, this is very much not a secret, as most characters already knew about Marinette’s crush, to the point where it’d been broadcast on television during Season 2.

But do you know when it was actually a secret? Back in Season 1, specifically in the episode “Animan” where Alya told Nino.

And not only did she tell Nino, but she lied to Marinette by claiming that she didn’t, acting as if Nino knew that Marinette had a crush but didn’t know who she was crushing on, which is then directly proven false as Nino accidentally implies that he does know who it is. This is also after Alya had gotten on Marinette’s case for trying to set her up with Nino, and then she had the gall to say that she wouldn’t spill Marinette’s secret because she, and I quote, “doesn't go around making decisions for other people,“ a statement that is directly contradicted by this little thing known as everything Alya has ever said and done in the entire series.

And while Marinette meddling in Alya’s love life actually ended up working out for Alya, Alya meddling in Marinette’s by telling Nino who Marinette is crushing on comes back to bite Marinette - not Alya (because of course) - in the infamous episode of “The Puppeteer 2,” where Marinette realizes that Alya really did tell Nino that she was crushing on Adrien.

Marinette: You told me you wouldn't tell Nino!

Alya: I haven't told him. Right, Nino? I didn't tell you anything. (elbows him)

Nino: She didn't tell me. And besides, I told her I wouldn't tell.

Then, when she’s called out on it, Alya lies again, and shamelessly so.

Marinette: Why did you tell Nino everything? You promised you wouldn't!

Alya: I didn't, I swear! Besides, even if I had told him everything, he would still be clueless. Ugh, who cares anyway? I've set everything up with Nino, who doesn't know a thing, so you can finally pour your heart out to Adrien, girl!

And now, here we are one season later - and not even half of a season if you go by production code order - and Alya claims that she knows how to keep a secret.

No. No, she does not. In fact, she does even worse because she won’t even admit when she’s spilled said secret. I absolutely refuse to accept that Alya is “worthy” or “deserving” of learning that Marinette is Ladybug when she couldn’t even keep a basic secret like who her friend was crushing on.

And no, it didn’t matter that Nino was her boyfriend, or that maybe she thought it would work out because Nino was friends with Adrien. By that logic, Alya would tell Adrien that Marinette is Ladybug if she heard that Ladybug is who Adrien was crushing on and we all know how that would’ve gone.

Marinette has a right to tell her secret to whoever she wants and I’m glad that a burden has been lifted from her, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy that it’s Alya. That doesn’t mean I have to be happy that, after so many moments of Alya disrespecting Marinette’s feelings, she is the one who gets to hear the big secret that the fandom has been waiting for someone to find out about since the very start of the series.

Luka said it best in “Truth” that the truth is meant to be shared, not taken by force, but Marinette was forced to tell Alya by the narrative because Alya is her supposed “best friend.” It pushed Marinette to her breaking point, forced her to break up with the guy who has respected her agency and feelings since the day they met, and gave her a version of her “best friend” with the same name and face but with none of the responsibility from previous events so that said version was there at the right time and the right place to hear what had to be heard.

And in the end, I end up feeling nothing. Marinette doesn’t even have a “Marinette” reaction to saying it as one would expect; for her to blurt it out and then immediately start panicking until Alya hugs her to calm her down. Instead, Marinette just says it and stares silently at Alya - after blabbing this huge, very big deal of a secret - until Alya goes in for a hug (the “happy/hopeful” ending of which is why I feel like this episode also gets less flak, as the previous two ended off rather depressing/upsetting).

It’s off. Everything is off. The pacing, the delivery, and the logic that the episode uses. The emotion in Marinette’s voice when she’s rambling about how hard it is to keep her secret is so powerful, but then the ending hits and she just says it, breaking the momentum they had going. They pulled the card of Alya walking away too soon when they could’ve saved it, having Marinette go quiet and letting Alya take a few steps away in order to let the moment build before Marinette finally blurts out the secret she’s been painfully holding in.

But they didn’t, and I’m so many levels of dissatisfied. I wasn’t against the idea of Alya learning Marinette’s secret at some point (though honestly, Alix would’ve been a better pick considering that Bunnyx will know eventually anyway, and I say that not even liking Alix!), but not now; not when Alya had so much to work towards.

And now what? What happens now? Now Alya will turn against Lila, not because she learned to have faith and believe in Marinette, but because Marinette is Ladybug, which disproves Lila’s ultimate lie that got Alya’s attention in the first place? Now Alya will be supportive and less teasing/mocking whenever Marinette will be late, not because she understands that Marinette isn’t perfect and has so many other things on her mind, but because she’s Ladybug and has “hero stuff” to take care of? Now Alya will be careful about what she puts on the LadyBlog, not because she respected Ladybug and what Ladybug would want, but because Ladybug is now her best friend and that changes everything?

Because now, Alya has a free pass to all of that, the show making her spontaneously “developed” now so they won’t have to develop her later, and disappointing doesn’t even begin to describe it.

[ebficnotes]

Black soul lore is a f*cking mess.

https://www.reddit.com/r/teslore/comments/lfih39/written_in_uncertainty_asks_who_is_mannimarco/

One thing I never see get mentioned is that the Mannimarco in ESO cannot be the same person as the Mannimarco in Oblivion or the King of Worms in Daggerfall.This is simply because ESO's guild memo on soul trapping mentions that Mannimarco's minions had knowledge of a soul trap spell that could trap black souls in white gems, and details Vanus Galerion's dumb plan to make the world forget that spell by creating a new soul trap spell that could only trap white souls in white gems.And the whole plot of the Mage's Guild in Oblivion is about how Mannimarco and the Worm Moon are working together to bypass Arkay's divine intervention in order to create Black Soul Gems, which can catch black souls even using Galerion's version of the soul trap spell.But, like, if either Daggerfall Manni or Oblivion Manni were the same person as ESO Manni, why would they bother to invent black soul gems at all?? Why wouldn't they just teach their followers the Soul Trap spell that works on black souls, a spell that the ESO Mannimarco canonically knows? Then your followers could just use white soul gems to trap and manipulate black souls. Isn't that easier than ascending to godhood to eclipse Arkay so your followers can do a spoopy ritual to convert regular soul gems into black ones?Ergo the only rational explanation: ESO Manni is not the same as the other two. Further complicating the "Who is Mannimarco?" question. (I mean I guess there's one other rational explanation: that this is a colossal plot hole and fuck-up on behalf of the lore-writers, but that explanation isn't really as fun as tinfoil theories about multiple Mannimarcos)I guess the answer to the "Who is Mannimarco?" question is that he isn't a person, he's an identity, periodically adopted by different necromancers all throughout history. And I suppose the concept of Mantling plugs into this idea somehow, since it's TES lore and all.

The assertion that all souls and gems are the same and that it is solely the power of the soul itself, the size of the gem, and the type of spell that matters, really does completely overwrite the purpose of black gems even existing, even with Vastarie's note on the matter.

If a human can be trapped in a grand gem with the right spell, then black gems serve exactly no purpose. And the soul gems in ESO that we trap everyone with are technically grand gems, despite them not being the big spiky types you see in Skyrim (but are interestingly enough, similar to Oblivion's grand gems.)

https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Grand_Soul_Gem_(Oblivion)

https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Grand_Soul_Gem_(Skyrim)

And yet in both skyrim and oblivion you must use a black soul gem to capture npcs. This might make sense for oblivion, where the mages guild's strictures reign supreme, but not in skyirm, where it's stated by Phinis Gestor that those policies were never a thing to begin with, and so no neutered soul trap spell would have been taught period. And even in oblivion, you use the same damn spell to do both. How hard would it have been to put a "forbidden soul trap" tome in Mannimarco's lair to complement his shiny new black gems?

And what's worse is gameplay-wise, black gems are not even recognizably better than grand ones. Black gems are actually heavier in Skyrim even, so technically they are worse. It would have been nothing for the devs to give black gems a few extra points of oomph just to demonstrate their raw soul superiority without breaking game balance, but they don’t. Literally the only thing they have going for them is their ability to capture npcs that can talk, which even if you have zero moral qualms about it, isn't even a real benefit without cheats, given how rare the black gems are.

I repeat: the designation of NPC vs Creature is the only demonstratable difference between souls that work with grand gems and black gem-only ones.

Yeah yeah game mechanics, but even without the in-game experience, why the fuck would our supposedly devious and calculating worm guy go through all that trouble for nothing, given that in (new) lore he could just use his own ungimped soul trap and a regular old grand gem to torture the normies all he wants, as stated above?

Some Ideas:

1. Black gems are only special because they are god-keyed. The use of one is meant as an offering to your daedra/deity of choice, and are not generally seen outside of cults for this very reason. Oblivion Mannimarco's altar is meant to make offering-stones for his own faithful, not to replace grand gems as a wholesale thing. The fact that you can enchant with them also is either because the mechanics of offering are similar and we are just stealing it, or because he allows it, similar to how real life religions who use animal sacrifice still eat the animal they dedicate. This doesn’t actually explain anything, but it sounds cool.

2. Vanus in his guild note has no idea what the fuck he is talking about regarding who fits into what gem, and his getting laughed out of his own guild for positing such nonsense is one of the low points of his career. Which is especially sad because in another life he was a pioneer in the field of enchantment and thus presumably soul-study.**

3. The gems we use in eso are not normal grand gems like everyone thinks, but are actually a new black-like gem that is both popular and common due to Mannimarco's doings, but because of later Mages guild shenanigans, is eventually lost to everyone but the worm cult, which is why they can trap anything, up to and including Arkay's favorite races, as what seemed to be implied as their true purpose in Oblivion (via reddit anyway). This doesn’t explain why they look different in oblivion and skyrim, but whatever.***

4. Vanus's insistence on classifying souls into who is and is not acceptable to kill/soul trap is the catalyst for future powerful guild mages to literally god-bend the world to it's own take on morality, which by the time of Daggerfall, makes even certain clearly people-races/beings like orcs not actually count as people anymore. Ie, it's not Arkay's fault orcs in Daggerfall are considered white souls and thus can be trapped with a non-special gem/neutered soul trap spell, it's the mages guild's.

5. There *is* something about the "black-souled" races/peoples that doesn’t make black gems completely stupid and redundant, its just soul research is so damn stigmatized that no one knows what that something really is. So every inconsistency we see is actually part of some greater whole that we just can't see through to yet because of all the bullshit. aka idfk.

**Something even sillier about Vanus's note: the old soul system in ESO apparently was based on player level, with petty gems only being able to revive low level players and the like, which makes good sense with the idea of soul size being the only real thing, like they corrected earlier game inconsistency or something. But then Vanus goes and says that smaller souls are not sapient/sentient and larger ones are, which is just not true even in ESO's world. Does this mean he wouldn’t consider low-level us as a real person? O.O

I however have never played eso pre-tamriel unlimited and hardly play even now, so if there are any nuances of soul collection in that game that I missed here, please let me know, yeah?

***I forgot, dremora in both Skyrim and Oblivion are black soul gem only too, so if it is Arkay's fault, why does he care about dremora?

My head...

https://www.reddit.com/r/teslore/comments/2cowhz/eso_guild_memo_on_soul_trapping_describes_the/

https://www.reddit.com/r/teslore/comments/lfih39/written_in_uncertainty_asks_who_is_mannimarco/

https://www.reddit.com/r/teslore/comments/lfih39/written_in_uncertainty_asks_who_is_mannimarco/gmr3c28/

[articlesofnote]

despised phrases: “political moment”

I spend a lot of time not talking about what goes on in my head because a) it’s hard to articulate, b) I don’t usually want to engage with how pessimistic I tend to be, and c) because of said pessimism most of what I would articulate would probably make things harder for the people around me, who are also struggling with what is more and more clearly a hell-world to which we have unwittingly contributed and continue, in many ways, to support under duress. i also spend a lot of time (a LOT of time) reading articles of political analysis, mostly left-leaning, which inform that pessimism-unto-despair that i suspect is harbored by many more than just myself.  i want to not think the things i think and feel the ways i feel about the world that i now know i’m living in.  how can any feeling person know what we know about the world and the suffering in it and not feel compelled to respond to it - to have it shape them?  how can you not take it in to yourself in some way and be transformed by it? or destroy your soul by trying to build walls against it?  a tangent worth exploring at a later time! in any case, it’s pretty clear from what reading i’ve done that the forces of our social universe are not of any moment, in any sense of that word.  there is a nigh-overwhelming weight of experience and emotion and attitude in every facet of what we experience in every moment of our lives - so overwhelming that truly, the only sane response is to spend most of our time ignoring it, so we can get on with our lives and not spend all of our time paralyzed by the knowledge that, for example, our standard of living is not only made possible but is ONLY possible through the immiseration of huge numbers of people.  And, moreover, that this has been true for generations at least, centuries more accurately - or in the most inclusive analysis, as long as we humans have been organizing ourselves into hierarchical societies. so what then does this phrase “political moment” mean? what rhetorical purpose does it serve?  there is the here and now, yes, and there is a true uniqueness in it - as the saying goes, you cannot step into the same river twice. but it seems to me that the phrase is more... insidious, perhaps? the right description escapes me at the moment.  it is as though those who use it would have you forget that the past exists and informs the present - as though the current “moment” is an isolated crystal of reality, disconnected from any forces that shaped it in to what it is - from any history we might understand and trust to inform our decisions.  rhetorically: “forget the past! it is done and dead! the demands of the present are too great to think about how we got here! and forget the future too! it cannot be known! there is only the Political Moment, the immediate constellation of power and structure that demands from you a singular response.” in other words - lest my prose get too abstract - “you’d better fucking vote for Biden!”  and as bitter a draught as this is to swallow, it must be swallowed, because (and I do agree with this) the alternative is devastating - really, the alternative is devastation itself. (vote biden and we’ll have a chance to save ourselves!) but god damnit, this too is insanity!  Biden represents the status quo that got us to this point!  History, alas, exists and is relevant!  Only by the conceit of the “political moment” can we ignore, even briefly, that Biden might as well be the flagbearer for the forces that destabilized American (global?) society to the point where paramount executive authority could fall to Trump.  And make no mistake!  You might as well say that power was fumbled into his hands - first by the Republican establishment in 2015, so wrapped up in fighting each other that they forgot to consider (until too late) that maybe Trump would actually win if they didn’t try to make him lose - then by the Democratic establishment, so blithely confident that Trumps’ lack of political legitimacy would doom him that they decided to run a campaign based on the attitude “well, she’s not the other guy!” what galls me is that it seems inarguably clear that this is not some accident on the part of the Democrats!  they don’t just happen to find themselves in this position every four years - they have a habit of ceding political capital to the Republicans every time it seems like they might have to actually fight on a point of principle!  year by year and issue by issue the Democrats enable an ever-more abusive institution and its growing coterie of fascist auxiliaries, and the fruits of their calculation are daily more obvious.  and they do it, as far as I can tell, solely so that when election seasons come they can say with at least some semblance of honesty... “well, at least we’re not the other guys!” (vote biden because he’s less obviously a criminal!) * * * so, after however many words i’ve spent getting to this point, here’s the argument i’m making: the democrats benefit so clearly from a truly toxic opposition that they are now, and have been for decades, motivated to foster that toxicity because it improves their electoral odds without their having to do anything other than be slightly less awful: do you want to shovel 100 tons of shit, or 99?  (”why do I have to shovel shit at all?” what are you, a communist?)  but because they’ve made this devil’s bargain, they have no positive accomplishments to point to any more, whereas the republicans have been vigorously and successfully pursuing their (horrifying, destructive, popular) policy agenda for at least twenty years at this point.  also, here’s the buried lede you’ve been waiting for: i’m pissed off by the phrase “political moment” because i think it’s part of a rhetorical strategy to keep folks from thinking about long-term structural trends that got us to where we are. (vote biden and don’t think about why you’re not voting for someone better!) because i believe in intellectual honesty, and also because i want to feel there has been some point to my writing all of this down, i’m going to make a few predictions based on my above thesis: 1) democrats will cave to the GOP on replacing RBG before the election.  their justification will be something along the lines of “not wanting to divide the nation during an election year” or some other such horseshit. 2) biden will lose the election, in one of two ways:  - decisive trump victory: the biden “strategy” is like a rehash of Clinton 2016, but worse: he’s not doing any campaigning at all and the democratic party message is, you guessed it, “well, he’s not the other guy!”  the political messaging in support of biden isn’t pointing to anything he’s actually accomplished or will try to accomplish if in office, just that he’s a “fundamentally decent man” who has “endured unimaginable hardships” - close-ish election where biden has a small lead on election night but when trump inevitably throws a fit and contests the results, biden concedes.  the reason will again be something like “not wanting to divide the nation” which will be more plausible because folks... - there’s gonna be election-related social unrest no matter what happens anyway, don’t forget to vote for biden! because after all, technically he’s the better candidate.

[cyberenergyshock]

taking a closer look at the jinzo archetype & its members

there’s very few monsters in the yugioh tcg that actually have stated lore- konami seems to really like implied lore through cart art and card effects, and relationships within archetypes as well as cards outside of them. with that in mind, i want to share my observations about the five monsters in the jinzo archetype!

before i begin, i want to get one simple but very important technicality out of the way, and that is this: robots, androids and cyborgs are all different things.

robot: a machine created with little/no intended resemblance to a human being, including bipedal robots like gundams who are meant to be piloted 

androids: a machine created with a clear intended resemblance to humans, either by looking exactly like one or looking very humanoid

cyborg: a human or humanoid with mechanical enhancements

the japanese name of this archetype is 人造人間 (jinzoningen), which translates literally to “artificial human” and translates officially to english as “android”. in addition, the original japanese names of all of the jinzo monsters are as follows:

人造人間－サイコ・ショッカー (Jinzōningen - Saiko Shokkā)

人造人間－サイコ・ジャッカー (Jinzōningen - Saiko Jakkā)

人造人間－サイコ・リターナー (Jinzōningen - Saiko Ritānā)

人造人間－サイコ・ロード (Jinzōningen - Saiko Rōdo)

人造人間７号 (Jinzōningen Nana-gō)

as well as having “android” prefixed before all of their names, the archetype is also all purely machine-type, as opposed to several other monsters who clearly have cyborg augmentation but retain their original typing, like giga gagagigo. based on this, it’s safe to say that the “jinzo” monsters are all purely mechanical beings—they are NOT humans who have been experimented on, or who have received cyborg augmentation.

moving onto the monsters themselves, in order of release date:

this card was released before the first actual “jinzoningen” monster, and considering that the word “jinzoningen” is also just a general word meaning “android”, it’s debatable whether this card is even technically part of the archetype, but since the wiki treats it as one, i’m just gonna go for it anyways. jinzo #7 is a very shoddy-looking android, and the numbers printed on his armor seem to imply that he is attempt #7 of his creator’s attempt to build a functioning machine, since the assumed jinzo numbers 1-6 are nonexistent in the card game. and based on his similarity in appearance to the other jinzoningen monsters, he very well may have been the first step, the “gateway” to the creation of the others. his effect is very simple, but possibly implies that he has exceptionally high speed or agility to avoid the other monsters in the way of the player, and also to make up for his poor offensive and defensive capabilities.

jinzo - lord was released years after the original jinzo in 2008, but i’m putting them both together in the same bit of analysis, because based on lord’s way of summoning, the implications are clear—jinzo - lord is simply an upgraded version of jinzo, rather than a separate monster entirely. 

unlike #7, jinzo is clearly a polished machine, fully complete in his construction and capable of several highly destructive functions. his name “psycho shocker” implies strong psychic abilities that are capable of inflicting physical damage, and his attack in the anime, “cyber energy shock”, is an electric ball of pure dark energy. also implied by his attribute, dark energy most likely contributes to a large part of his function, possibly held internally by a strong magnetic or magical field. his main skill is disabling trap cards with his presence, which can translate more generally as incredibly high intelligence and strong psychic ability that allows him to forsee danger before it happens and disable the things that he already knows pose a threat. in his upgraded “lord” form, these abilities are strengthened even further, now having the ability to outright destroy these threats and inflict karmic return blows with his psychic powers. he also gains six tendrils sprouted from his back, which may be used for restraint and generating electrical shocks from the spikes at the tips. since he is a machine, he may also use these to download information from other machines into his CPU, based on their flat appearance, as if they’re meant to be inserted somewhere. overall, being the ace of his entire archetype, he is a very powerful, very intelligent android capable of great harm in many different ways, though he appears to be somewhat of a glass cannon—his defensive capabilities are below average, so his only option is to serve his purpose with his several different abilities, or give into being overpowered by the enemy; a black-and-white choice fitting for a mechanical mind, but his high intelligence may imply also imply sentience, making his decisions not so clear-cut should he form attachments to others.

returner is a comparably small android to all the others, looking to be the size of an average human. he shares a lot of the same qualities as #7, but in returner’s case, he seems to be built with more of an intentional emphasis on agility, being incredibly thinly built and only possessing a large CPU where his head is and large shoulderpads for protection. the purpose that his second effect seems to imply is a sort of “distress call” upon destruction. his defensive capabilities are only slightly below-average, and he can hold his own against weaker opponents with ease. upon being destroyed, he immediately calls for the return of a fallen comrade, possibly implying that he uses his remaining energy and power to reanimate a destroyed or dysfunctional jinzo for just enough time to take down the larger opponent they were facing, before both of them return to ruin. 

interestingly enough, despite being a “call for help” type of android, he was built with a human-like mouth that was then sewn shut, making him unable to actually speak, which is much more visually gruesome than the other mouth-like masks the other jinzoningens have. guess the creator of the jinzoningens had a pretty messed up sense of humor. 😱

jector is very interesting, as he seems to have been built as a direct defensive counterpart to jinzo himself. his japanese name, “psycho jacker”. directly implies his purpose as a hacker, as do the multitude of tendrils connected directly to his CPU. his second ability allows him to use his full power to hack into the opponents strategies and reveal all of their abilities, providing intelligence to his team and then immediately requesting backup from jinzo, bringing him to attention, and if the situation is dire enough, directly bringing him to jector’s location. his first ability—to change his data to “jinzo”’s—is what his english name implies; the ability to “project” himself into jinzo’s role. this way, not only is he able to utilize jinzo’s specific support items, such as “amplifier” (which can ONLY be equipped to jinzo), but he is also able to take on the full appearance and abilities of jinzo - lord, who can only be summoned by tributing a face-up “jinzo” on the field and cannot be summoned any other ways. his intelligence is possibly even superior to jinzo’s, as he seems to have been built with the sole intent of creating an incredibly competent data-gathering machine who can then use it to support jinzo’s conquest. jector is, without a doubt, the best support member for jinzo, possessing high defensive capabilities, the ability to hack into vital intelligence for his team, and even the ability to copy jinzo - lord’s own abilities in a pinch. 

whoever created these androids seems to have been trying to create an android with a combination of human intelligence and raw destructive power, and have been trying for a while before they eventually got it right. upon jinzo’s creation, their focus moved on to creating androids to support his conquest, resulting in the birth of jector and returner. jinzo is a dangerous weapon capable of mass destruction, but he may also possess too much intelligence to be held down by any one commanding force for too long. jector and returner are loyal only to jinzo, so wherever he decides to go they will most likely follow. there’s really no telling what such intelligent androids would decide to do if left to their own devices, since, despite their attribute, there’s nothing in their cards or their anime appearances that directly imply that they’re evil or destruction-bent. there was that one jinzo spirit from GX that wanted to become human so he could destroy the world or whatever bUT COME ON, GIVE THEM A CHANCE-

anyways, let me know what y’all think or if you have anything to add!! reblog with commentary, reply, add stuff in the tags, or anything you want, really, this was really fun to write and it could be a fun discussion to have! :>

[keegames]

Expectations and Gaming Mentality: In Defense Of (What We’ve Seen Of) Sonic Forces

Sonic Forces, the latest 3D entry in the Sonic the Hedgehog series, has had multiple new gameplay videos and trailers released in the past few weeks. With every bit of footage, more scrutiny follows, with the biggest criticism being of the linear level design. Considering that Sonic Mania, with its massive, multi-tiered, sprawling 2D levels, is fresh in everyone’s mind, it’s no shock that people see a 3D game with a more linear design as a step backwards. Still, as someone always open to various design intentions in games, I’ve decided to take a bit to write about the sort of thing Sonic Forces seems to be going for. This probably won’t change minds, but hopefully it’ll be another stepping stone to more nuanced and accepting games discussion, which is really what I want more than anything out of this blog.

As I said in a previous post, players can get different things from their experiences with games. People play games for different reasons, and they’re all valid, and they all have different games that serve them best. But what happens when a long-running series drastically changes the kind of experience it offers? What happens when people whose tastes were met with early entries are no longer served by the latest ones?

The Genesis Sonic games are pretty unorthodox in terms of design compared to a lot of 2D platformers of the time. Unlike 2D Mario, levels are not singular paths to the end with perhaps a small secret area or single path fork leading to a secret exit; they are large and spread out over a wide area, vertically and horizontally. However, the levels don’t REQUIRE you to explore various corners to complete them. You don’t have to find objects; there is a singular goal to reach. The result of this design is that classic Sonic is very free. You can utilize the games’ physics (and, in Sonic 3 & Knuckles and Sonic Mania, the special abilities of Tails and Knuckles) to reach all sorts of new places, but you’re never forced to. The reward for them is generally only small extras for your current playthrough; rings, temporary power-ups, occasionally extra lives. Basically, in classic Sonic, you can take the levels in many ways for no reason other than your own desire, which is unusual in 2D platformers. This freedom helped endear these games to many players of all ages.

Sonic’s tumultuous history with 3D games is well-known, but there is a consistent bit of design that started with Sonic Adventure 2 and continued through all of his 3D adventures: the grading system. At the end of a level in nearly all 3D Sonic games, you’re given a letter grade, usually ranging from E (worst) to A or S (best). This grade is usually based on your score, which includes a time bonus, a bonus for how many rings you have at the end of the stage, as well as any points gathered from collecting rings, destroying enemies, and performing certain other game-specific actions (though a few games or missions within games base your grade solely on time).

Grading systems like these show up in other games beyond Sonic, such as action games like Devil May Cry and Bayonetta, and they generally serve a specific purpose. That purpose is pushing the player towards flawless, optimized play. Do it right, do it fast, and make no mistakes. It’s no coincidence that 3D Sonic level design really started to become more linear with Sonic Adventure 2; it’s designed to push players from exploration to optimization.

Personally, I love the “optimization” style of game design. It’s a choice straight out of intense arcade games, where it’s all about making the perfect maneuvers to maximize your score. After you beat the game once, you go back to it to try and REALLY perfect it. There’s an amazing feeling of satisfaction when your performance improves through nothing but your own skill, rather than in-game character upgrades or something similar. The thing is, not everybody is looking for that in single-player games. In fact, I’d hazard a guess that it’s not actually a common desire, considering the kinds of single-player games that are popular these days (big RPGs and open-world games that are more about exploration, tons of content, and character/world interaction). Not only that, but with how beloved the Genesis Sonic games and Sonic Mania are, people probably want to see that style advanced into 3D, rather than jettisoned to make something completely different. The expectations of a long-running series are different than those of a stand-alone game, and as much as games should be taken on their own merit, it’s not wrong to have those expectations.

Basically, I’m not saying that the things people are saying about Sonic Forces’s level design are wrong, because they’re not. What I am saying, however, is that they don’t inherently make a worse game, just a different one. I don’t think there’s inherently anything wrong with 3D Sonic’s current focus on improving and optimizing your runs to get the best grades. However, I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with not liking that. I just think games discussion needs to move beyond classifying everything as “good” and “bad,” especially if it’s not broken on a technical level (which 3D Sonic games certainly have been in the past, but not recently outside of Boom). Games can be many, many different things, and how we talk about them should respect that.

Sure, Sonic Forces might turn out to have more damning problems. The game’s not out yet, so I can’t say for sure. (Expect a thorough review/analysis on this blog, by the way.) But I think that the game deserves some respect for what it is, rather than simply critiquing it for what it isn’t. I’m not asking anyone to like linear games that are about score optimization, but I want it to be known that they’re valid.

And that I like them. Because, hey, I get to have opinions too, right?

[eternaleve]

Hello, costume fiends! Sorry for missing a week – just been pottering about and the Henrican Reformation managed to slip through my mind completely. But not to fear, we’re back to the dense mess of 1530s politics.

Tears of Blood

As the Catholic Church struggles in vain to control Henry VIII’s demands for an annulment, the King appoints himself head of the Church of England; initial protests are stifled when Archbishop of Canterbury William Warham officially submits the Clergy to Henry. When Anne Boleyn insists Henry break all contacts with Catherine, the Queen is banished from court. The Reformation has begun; depressed by his failure to prevent it, Sir Thomas More resigns as Henry’s Chancellor. Charles Brandon’s growing hatred for the Boleyns- and his mistrust of Cromwell- causes him to abandon his alliance with them, losing him the King’s favor again. Anne is created Marquess of Pembroke before she and Henry visit France to present Anne as the future Queen of England and Henry’s future wife. After talks between both Henry and Anne with the French King to secure his support, in their chamber, Anne finally submits sexually to Henry, asking him to help her conceive the son and heir they both want, narrowly avoiding another encounter with the Imperial-hired assassin.

Time gets weird in this episode. It all takes place in 1532, yet we pass through a Christmas and a Twelfth Night festive season and then right through a summer and an autumn, then back round to winter. We pass through twelve months in the course of an episode, and yet it is still 1532.

Come on, show. That’s not good. I don’t know how you can shove around sixteen months into the space of one year. It’s an important year, but that doesn’t mean you can make it ridiculously long!

Henry + Anne 4eva

Things are moving along for Henry and Anne; after all, time is ticking on for the chances of conceiving a child and Henry needs sex really badly. Because there’s very little to their relationship other than sexual tension. No meeting of minds, no shared interests, no desires in their lives other than a need to pork each other.

Also, there’s an assassin on the loose.

And he’s doing symbolic things with playing cards, because how else could we think that he’s a serious threat. Do hitmen actually waste their time on doing dramatic nonsense for the purpose of nothing but empty symbolism?

Anyway, he’s not striking yet because it’s Christmas time! Even though this would be the best time to kill Anne because this is when court is busiest. Around two thousand people will be in attendance at court for this time, with the most connected and prestigious families will be attending to Henry, arriving with all their retinues and servants and guards. If I was going to kill Anne Boleyn, I’d do it when there’s a lot of unknown people at the palace and no one would question my presence.

Well, I guess he does one thing. He leaves a ‘book of prophecy’ in Anne’s chambers about how he’s totally going to kill her. A prophecy drawing of Anne with her head cut off was actually left in her chambers around this time, but it wasn’t some nonsense about playing cards and dramatic clues left by assassins.

Pushing on, Henry and Anne are working to secure support and an alliance with the French, a surefire way to stop the Holy Roman Emperor from launching an attack on England. This will be secured with a meeting between Henry and Francis in the English owned lands in France, and in order to make Anne suitable to greet a man like the King of France in any manner as an equal, she is made Marquis of Pembroke. In her own right, entirely, making her the second woman in history to be a peer and a lord by herself. It’s a highly symbolic gesture, as the Tudors come from Wales themselves.

The title also apparently comes with an income of ‘£100,000’ per annum, but I can’t help but think that’s nonsense. In the sixteenth century, that’s the budget for the entirety of government. And yes, I do mean ALL of the government. Privy councillors, clerks, staff, expenditure – that’s how much it all costs (going by the accounts for Elizabeth I, later on). So where in the blithering heck is Henry going to get that money to give to Anne? That’s some modern ideas for money going on there.

Henry also gifts Anne the incredibly ugly jewels of England and then is all ‘Don’t you have something to say to Daddy for this nice gift?’ because the romantic dynamic between the two is a bit ick for my tastes. Sorry, doesn’t do it for me.

It swings around to December again, and the English court travels to Calais to meet the French court. Anne arrives in some style to surprise Francis as I don’t think she could officially be presented to the King – after all, she’s the other woman currently.

And, lest you forget, she’s also a SLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT.

The masque did really take place with Henry and Frances met. What did not happen –

Was that an assassin who looked conspicuously like an assassin was around her at this time. I mean, come on!

He finally makes an attempt, after waiting an entire year. But he can’t do it. Why? THE POWER OF BONING.

So confident in their own power and in the surety of their upcoming marriage, Henry and Anne finally have sex. In terms of historical opinion, 99.9% of Tudor historians believe that Henry and Anne finally had sex on their trip to France and that Elizabeth I was conceived there. Her birth date in September would back that up; however, you will find me unusually dissenting here.

To me, it makes little to no sense for Henry and Anne to have sex at this point. They will be married in a few short weeks, in early January. Their whole position has been defined by the fact that they are going to be married, and officially married as a wholesome and righteous couple. It is true that many couples in this period had premarital sex (with one third of marriages taking place with the bride visibly pregnant), but that is impossible for Henry and Anne. There is so much suggestion about them that to court and leave themselves open to such a scandal would fundamentally weaken their position.

It is also possible for a baby conceived in early January to be born healthily and successfully in September. Remember that children are born at full term now because of the advances in health and medicine; in fact, children tend to be born later now because of our understanding of prenatal health. Healthier babies tend to stay in longer. In times when women suffer from a lot of menstrual anaemia (as in, their bodies are not in a position to menstruate every month) and the diet and condition are not entirely conducive to the health of unborn children, nine months is not necessarily the point at which a baby will come to term. ‘Confinement’, the time when a woman goes away to await a birth, is a period of around three months. Not only does that speak to an certain level of uncertainty about conception and working out due dates, but of an expectation that a child may arrive early.

That is purely my opinion and idea, however, based on a little of my studies into women’s health of that era. It’s something that is overlooked by many historians and ultimately doesn’t really mean anything – we will never know when Henry and Anne first had sex, and it doesn’t matter, considering what will happen.

The Reformation Continues

1532 marks a key turning point in the Henrican Reformation. For 1532 comes the submission of the clergy, which the episode clearly deals with. In classic style with this show.

The battle is really a very old battle in English politics – that of who the church and the clergy owe their allegiance to. Technically, the church and the clergy works as a separate power within the country. The church answers to the power and authority of the Pope, rather than the King. They have their own legal system that works independently of the monarch and the crown courts, and their own system of finances. And that’s a big deal! The position of a monarch relies on obedience of their subjects. That obedience is expected and unquestioned, a demand and privilege of a monarch. And here is a body that does not stand automatically obedient to the King. They are obedient to a foreign power and they are standing in the way of a King governing the country in the manner to which he sees fit. He has a duty to his subjects on a spiritual and secular level, and the way which Henry thinks he can serve his people is not able to be done.

And so we see the rise of another law-making power in England. For the power of the church to be taken down, there must be another body to counter it. And here is where parliament comes in. For the first time, parliament is used as a deciding body in British politics. Parliament has existed since Henry III, but the use of parliament to enforce and create law has reached a point where it is almost modern. Henry requires the consent and power of the people – i.e. parliament – to enforce his laws. This is why divine right never takes hold in England, and what will ultimately lead to the English Civil War. In practical terms, Henry VIII is one of the most powerful monarchs in English history. But his power is allowed through the permission of parliament. And for every monarch after him, parliament has power over a monarch and the ability to influence and change policy. In many ways, medieval governance is over. The King, although he doesn’t know it yet, is no longer singularly in charge of the realm. He could be governed over by the men and lords of parliament.

This comes with the Supplication of the Ordinances. Henry has made an entirely new system. The Church will no longer have their own legal system and they cannot make canon law without consultation to the King. They recognise that Henry is the sole protector and supreme head of the English Church, that abuses of power took place, and they will no longer have independent legislative power.

Here, Cromwell talks of the need to create the ‘commonwealth’. Now, this term is loaded with other meanings – the countries that were formally controlled by the British Empire, or the government of Oliver Cromwell after the English Civil War. Here it talks of the political theory of the communal good and well-being of the peoples of England. This is not an individualistic society; here, actions are undertaking with the understanding that they provide a benefit for society as a whole. The rights of the individual do not exist in Tudor society. Instead, what is good for whole of the people is at priority. There is a social contract from the King to govern well and rule for his people, provide them with good government and the means to live well, and they, in turn, consent to his rule and obey him.

This is also tied in with ideas of absolute sovereignty and the body politic. If a country’s peoples are literally a body, with the monarch as the head, then actions must be taken to keep the body healthy and functioning. Actions which cause sickness and problems must be dealt with and prevented; we must all work together, as a whole, to provide good for all subjects.

It may seem strange, this means of thinking, when contrasted with how selfish Henry’s desire to push for change. But it is routed in the ideas of common weal and the consent of the governed. There’s a load of complexity here, and I’d suggest looking up Thomas Hobbes’s ‘Leviathan’ for further explanation of these ideas.

Who does the clergy serve – the people of England or the Bishop of Rome? When faced with the presence of their very close and entirely angry King, they chose to surrender and submit to the demands of their King.

Not that the clergy is necessarily happy about it, as this monk proves. He screams at Henry in a scene that makes no sense to me. For a start, why is he giving a sermon at court? That is the role of Henry’s chaplain, Thomas Cranmer. A monk is one who has chosen a private, contemplative religious life, so he shouldn’t be giving a sermon anyway. Why didn’t they check him before they let him start screaming that Anne Boleyn is a Jezebel? Where is the rood screen in this chapel? All very important questions.

Keeping Up With The Court

Not only is this episode full of boning and fierce legislative action, but everyone at court is furiously scheming away.

Charles Brandon, or as I like to call him, MC Turncoat. For as you see, his role is now to just be opposed and betray people. He’s now against Anne and the Boleyns because… it’s bad? He doesn’t really give a reason other than ‘they have to give Henry Cavil something to do’. He’s found out that Anne and Wyatt used to be lovers, and he’s warning Henry about it. Who, obvs, doesn’t want to hear it.

Cranmer, ever rising in Henry’s favour, is sent to the German states to appeal to the Emperor. Only he meets up with some Lutherans and gets married. Whoops.

Brandon is banished from court and is insulted by the presence of Cromwell. He’s a disgusting self-made man! Like Brandon is! But Cromwell’s the wrong kind of self-made man!

Meanwhile, Thomas More resigns as chancellor. He cannot support Henry’s actions, although he will never speak out against the king and aims to stay neutral. His opinion will be his own, and not to be spoken publicly.

Thomas Wyatt is sexing up one of Katherine of Aragon’s maids because… sex? I don’t really care about Thomas Wyatt.

In private, Thomas More asks his daughter to allow him to die. It’s his only comfort in life to die as a martyr, even though he is the wage earner of the family, and as a traitor and martyr all my worldly possessions would be forfeit to the crown and my entire family would be cast onto the streets, penniless, with nothing to their names. Death is a great joy to me, not you or any part of my dumb family.

This is why I’m no particular fan of Thomas More. He left his family destitute to prove a point to himself.

Mary Boleyn is back! She’s back to talk about sex, sex, sex, and oh yes, sex. And for Mark Smeaton to talk about wanting to have sex with men, openly, because I’m sure that in this society he would totally do that.

And now Charles openly declares himself to be against the Boleyns. Because reasons, I suppose.

I’m A Model, And I Do My Little Turn on the Catwalk

I like Anne’s little snow outfit as it’s very cute. Henry’s outfit is too slim fit, still. It’s a feminised, Elizabethan style of outfit. Henry’s clothes screamed about how masculine he was – this is too Tudor androgynous, and not right for him.

This dress is gorgeous and so out of left field. It is exactly right for the period and for Anne’s status. It has no ridiculous medieval style frills, and the sleeves are perfect. I love the rich brown, and this is easily the best outfit that Anne has worn over the two series. I don’t think we’re going to get another dress this accurate, for shame.

Henry VIII: Pirate King.

What the hell is that dress.

Hideous frumpy faux medieval dress, and weird headdress. There’s a coif at the back for her hair to go in. What’s the point of having it and then having her hair tumbling down? It’s horrible.

Nice lampshade there, Lady Brandon.

And that’s it for this week! Come back next time for more Tudor politics and horrible headdresses.

Unpicking The Tudors; S2 E2 Hello, costume fiends! Sorry for missing a week - just been pottering about and the Henrican Reformation managed to slip through my mind completely.

[pennies2spare]

An Examination of the Martian Physiology

by Penny Lowell and Jennifer Tiptree

This paper is a thorough examination of the physiology of the presumed adult Martian being, as well as a speculative document on the origins, behaviors, and motivations of said beings.

Before we begin, we must establish a few conventions:

“Martian,” throughout this paper, refers to the beings that arrived on Earth on November 8th, 2017 from Mars, and does not refer to their probable or speculative planetary origin.

“Bloodbag,” a term borrowed from multiple reports of sightings of the same or similar creatures, refers to the bloated, apparently juvenile Martian variants carried with the main thrust of the Martian work force to this planet.

“Red Weed,” throughout this paper, refers to the purple-red biomechanical growths brought by the Martians to Earth, intentionally or unintentionally.

An informal style may be used at times, due to the nature and constraints of the dissection, which was performed as professionally and scientifically as possible given the circumstances.

We’re doing our best.

Basic Measurements

The Martian we examined, presumed adult, is about 6.5′ from the tip of the beak to the end of the tail. It is 4′7″ tall at its highest point, and 4′4″ wide at its widest point.

The Martian Exterior

The Martian is a large, slimy creature made mostly of water. Its biology mirrors Earth standards in some ways, and deviates spectacularly in others. It has two eyes on the round end of its teardrop-shaped body that mirror those of the nautilus - thin plates with a fairly simple retina. If I had to guess I’d say the eye isn’t far divorced from the eye of an aquatic ancestor. Its mouth is concealed by a cartilaginous flap of skin, referred to hereafter as the “beak.” On either side of its mouth are three whiplike tentacles, six in total, about an inch thick and four feet long, which appear to be able to extend and retract as the Martian sees fit. These have a strong grip and are used to manipulate objects with a precision and strength the human hand cannot approach. On either side of those is a single flipper, continuous with the rest of the body and similar in structure to the tail. Though this is technically bilateral symmetry, it’s easy to see why, looking at a Martian, they chose to design their machines with three legs rather than any other amount.

Martian skin is about three inches thick, made almost entirely of fatty tissue engorged with moisture. The skin is porous and excretes mucus or a similarly-functioning substance.

The Martian’s mechanism of movement is threefold. A weak muscle along the underside of the creature, similar to a gastropodal belly-foot, helps slowly propel the Martian along. Its flippers seem to allow it greater upward and downward mobility, and its front tentacles may also serve a purpose in locomotion.

The Martian has a single ear atop the crest of its head. This ear is dead center and faces toward the front of the creature. In my opinion the tympanum of this ear is too thin to function in our air.

Much of the Martian’s brain is visible through a layer of thinner skin running along its back. This skin is more elastic than the rest, seemingly to allow for brain growth and movement.

The Martian appears to lack an anus, urethra, or any orifice through which waste might be disposed. As far as we can tell, the Martian does not generate any waste due to its unique interior physiology.

The Martian Interior

Martians have three major interior structures: the lung, the brain, and the circulatory system. All Martian nervous structures other than the brain are thinner than even human nervous structures, despite the obvious implications of our size difference. Martians have no skeleton, but instead deposits of cartilage that help keep the body in one shape while allowing for flexibility.

The Martian has a single lung, taking up most of the lower half of its body. The lung is the only attachment to the mouth; there is no digestive system. Martians seem to breathe solely through their mouth.

Above the lung is the brain, which is significantly more complicated than that of a human. It is asymmetrical, perhaps explaining the flexible membrane cradling it. The left side seems to have at the very least thirty-eight separate lobes, while the right side appears to have forty-two. Although the Bloodbag is an abnormal specimen, its lobe count is much lower, and symmetrical, suggesting tamperment of some kind in the adult Martian - perhaps genetic engineering.

Underneath the lung, cradled by cartilage, is the Martian heart, a seven-chambered monstrosity about six inches all around, the centerpiece of a circulatory system unlike any seen on Earth. The Martian circulatory system looks almost more like an intestine, with myriad nutrient-absorbing constructs coating the walls of veins and arteries a full inch in diameter.

The Bloodbag

What we, and the press, are calling a “Bloodbag” is an either juvenile or stunted variation of the Martian species. It is about three feet around and much more globular than the adult Martian’s teardrop shape. Its brain is significantly smaller, with the main anatomical feature being its complicated, almost seemingly designed circulatory system. It has reduced surface structures - simple, almost fetal eyes, a single sphincter-like hole for a mouth, and nubs where the flippers are on the adult Martian.

The Bloodbag’s body is covered in artificial puncture marks that lead directly into its veins. Certain parts of its exterior seem to be more scab tissue than skin.

It is our opinion, based on both this evidence and certain reports of Martian behavior, that these Bloodbag Martians are a subspecies utilized or maybe even intentionally bred to act as incubators for nutrient-rich blood. Frequent injections of raw nutrients are processed by the Bloodbag’s advanced circulatory system, saving Martian worker tissue from the stress and wear-and-tear of nutrient breakdown and allowing nutrients to mix naturally into warm, rich blood ready for transfusion.

This seems to be the main method, or maybe only method, of feeding the Martians have. Their advanced bloodstream directly assimilates nutrients and distributes them throughout the body, with the bulk of this energy-intensive work being hoisted onto the Bloodbags. Between this and the fact that they have no digestive system, the Martians are almost perfectly efficient, wasting no energy on non-fundamental bodily tasks.

Red Weed

The Red Weed is a definitive biomechanical grouping of cells acting as a single cell with many nuclei. Its genetic material is almost entirely artificial, bearing little resemblance to what we know as DNA or RNA and appearing more like an eventual descendant of our nanotechnology. Tiny silicon fibers are woven together to create something that acts and replicates itself like DNA, but can be manipulated to a degree we have not yet achieved to perform seemingly impossible tasks. Some of this silicon enhancement is prominent in Martian and Bloodbag genetic material as well.

The Red Weed seems to have two functions, the first being to spread itself continuously with little more than water to sustain itself, and the second being to endlessly perpetuate a (simple, yet totally unprecedented in nature or modern chemistry) chemical reaction that creates a huge amount of heated air. Non-lethal amounts of hydrogen cyanide gas are the byproduct of this reaction. The Red Weed, given its synthetic nature, was undoubtedly consciously placed on Earth by the Martians in an attempt to mimic an environment that suits them, the way we might spread a carpet of green over an alien snowball world to try and heat it up to our liking. Martians apparently desire a moist, humid, warm climate, which is consistent with our observations of their physiology.

It is likely that the Martians have been emulating this environment under the Martian surface for a significant amount of time, waiting until what they perceived as the right moment to attack Earth and commandeer its resources. We cannot ignore the possibility, even probability, that humankind is one of those resources. Our blood is just as nutritionally rich as any Bloodbag’s, and some disturbing reports of Martians using sharp tools on human beings would indicate that these kinds of cross-species transfusions are in fact happening.

[smoothshift]

The truth about Chip-Tuning (VERY long read!) via /r/cars

The truth about Chip-Tuning (VERY long read!)

First off, this is an article from a austrian blog (MotorBlock).

I just took some time to translate it to englisch (as good as i could)

All credit goes to Philipp Stalzer from MotorBlock (article is in german!) Source article

I think many people on here might want to read this, it contains a ton of interesting information on why chiptuning is more bad than good.

I had the thought of tuning my future car as well, but after reading this i think i'll skip that and just let it be stock, since i plan to drive it several years.

____________________________________________________________

The truth about chip-tuning, by Philipp Stalzer

An often discussed Topic, with almost no real technical background or tangible details to make a decision if you want to mess around with your Engine electronics or not. A text that popped up in the internet and with my understanding of Engines it tells us: Stay away from manipulating your ECU! Unfortunately this knowledge does not come around enough, and this is very important for a specific industry. A lot of money is paid for "chiptuning" that would be better invested in getting the bigger engine right from the start.

Truth about Chip-Tuning: in almost all cases, don't do it!

Of course, this text does not apply to all engines out there. There are some Manufacturers that assume that their clients want to get quite more power out of their engines, for example many japanese brands. In a time where cost-reducing was not such a big topic, engineers sometimes used "over-sized" parts in the process. This changed with "Computer Aided Manufacturing" and the growing interest to safe more money in the production of cars/engines.

Infos from a BMW Engine-Technican

Although Manufacturers keep it low when it comes to this topics, a reader of this blog took some time to gather quite some statements of a BWM-Engineer posted in various forums etc. and sum it up. A shortened, but technical very informative and detailed version of this text regarding negative effects of chiptuning (based on BMW diesel-engines) is worth reading for everybody who is planning to chip his engine:

(This part contains some very deep technical info and very specific names wich i can't really translate that well so i simplified this part, some words might sound weird since i could not find proper translations, sorry for that)

I've been working for about 20 years in the engineering of BWM Diesel-engines. The engines of the model series M47/M57 as well as their successors N47/M57 are a bit like my "kids", about 3 patents of those are on my name.

In former times it was possible to engineer an own engine for each car, sometimes even whole lineups for a single car. Today this is not possible anymore. Nowadays you are reliant on so called "equal-parts" - this is the only way to produce engines at a reasonable cost. BMW only produces 6 cylinder engines with 3 liter. To sum up that all of these engines are the same, solely because they have the same displacement, is narrow-thinking and sadly the thinking of the "tuners".

In 1993 the development of modern, direct-injection Diesel-engines began. For this you did not build whole engines, rather there was a so called "master cylinder". For all BMW Common-rail-diesels it was 84mm drilling and a 90mm stroke. Four of those become a 2L Diesel, six get a 3L and eight of them - you guessed it - gets you a V8, that was used for example in a series 7 BMW.

Today there are 3 versions of this cylinder: UL, OL and TOP.

UL stands for lower-performance, the piston is made out of a simple aluminum-alloy, the crankshaft is simple-forged and uses a sintered connecting rod. It can cover up to 25kw/75nm per cylinder and is used in models like the x16d, x18d and x25d (exept the f10 model after 2011)

OL stands for upper-perfomance, the cylinder path is honed several times, it has forged connecting rods and the bearings of the rods and crankshaft are sputtered bearing. It can cover up to 35kw/100nm and is used in models like x20d, x30d.

TOP is for high performance, including a special treated crankshaft as well as laser-treated cylinder-paths. With this it is possible to increase injection-pressure and rated speed. This cylinders are used in models like x23d, 525d (after 2011) and x35d/x40d.

The engines have exact mechanical measuremants, but are different in materials.

For example the OL piston has a higher amount of copper and chrome. The higher amount of copper dissipates heat better out of the chamber into the piston floor cooling. Chrome makes the piston more stable at higher combustion-pressure inside an OL-engine.

Since the pistons are exactly the same sizes, you can however use a OL or TOP piston in an UL engine when doing repairs. This helps saving costs even more by reducing stocks and the prices regarding spare parts are more secondary.

It is correct that manufacturers limit the power output via the ECU (for example in an 25d), but they have to, since the used components are not made for higher hp/nm outputs. Almost every turbocharged diesel-engine is capable of generating more thermal energy than it can handle mechanically, and this is what chiptuning is relying on.

Now here come the tuners with their chips, because they can fetch data/part numbers from After-Sales-Programs (at BMW you can access it without any further requirements) and think all 3L engines are the same. It is true in terms of repairs, but not with newly shipped cars. You can use a piston of a 535d in a 316d and it will fit and work perfectly (same size) but is indeed "overpowered" in terms of materials. In this particular case it will be no problem since a 316d puts out less power than a 535d.

To get a sense of how much money can be saved by using a master cylinder for a complete engine lineup: if a piston "148" for the upper performance costs 12€, an M124 only 8€ that this makes about 24€ per car. For a production capacity of 200.000 cars 525's with 6 cylinder you're looking at a whopping 4.8 Million Euro. And the piston isn't the only thing where money is saved. Because of this, the customer pays less for a 116d as for a 123d, even though they both have a 2L engine wich are basically built the same way. The 116 just has less heat resistant and cheaper materials built in.

No manufacturer limits the power only by electronics. It is the media and especially the tuning-scene that spread this rumor. The differences nowadays not only come down to engine size, it also goes as far as material and single production processes. Same-Part strategy does not mean that the parts are exactly the same, only that the measurements and weights are the same. Also the thermal characteristics are different.

Interesting from a different area: Bosch does the same thing with their machines. You have the green series (for the little handyman at home) and blue series (professional). Products look the same (expept housing color) but here we also have different materiels used. A drilling machine from the blue series has a better hardened transmission, switches are built for far more cycles, overload protection is higher, thicker cables.

Regulating the power output via electronic serves the purpose that the engine with it's simple materials doesn't get overused. Through supercharging you can give any amount of power to a engine, but it will not be able to handle it. So when you think your 118i with its 170hp could do way more, but the stupid people at BMW are just to lazy to get more power out of that engine let me tell you: a 118i is capable of over 300hp, even keeping all emissions in the green zone, but he won't make that for long.

Basically in the automotive industry you can say:

not everything is at it seems

wenn there is a way to save €, it will be done

espacially in the automovie industry many facts from media or magazines/books are incorrect

The statement "how long does my engine last when I chip it" can't be said in miles/km, because a engine does not know the term miles/km. If a M124 operates on the potential of a 30d, but you never or only rarely request the full power, the life expectancy won't change at all. If you floor it a lot and request the full power often, it will come to slight structural changes. Depending on further circumstances your engine can fail after a few minutes, or maybe 1.000 operating hours.

The combustion inside the engine can reach up to 2000°C, aluminum melts at 660°, so it should totally melt, right? Not really, since the peak temperature only last for a very short time and then the piston has an about 10 times longer period to cool off. Above 400°C aluminum looses a lot of its strenght, so the piston temp should be under 400°C at all times. How much it heats up depends on the intensity of the combustion. It peaks at full load and maximum torque, and with chiptuning this only gets much higher. To compensate this you do the following: you increase the amount of copper and chrome in the piston, this gives it better strenght at 420°C. So you can say, that in stock motors with more power there are better alloys used. A quick "tune" via ecu or plugging in a "race chip" can't do that. The thermal capacity of the engine is exhausted, the piston gets weaker the more power you give it in overload range. Worst case is that the top land breaks, and your engine is complete toast.

Regarding damage, these mostly occure long time after the tuning. Usually after 50k-80k km the problems start. Many people do not own the cars anymore by that time, and the subsequent owner doesn't know about the bad suprise that might happen. If a damage is found in the repair shop, they often just change the part and thats it. Often nobody suspects a tuning chip as the main reason (you know.. tuners say "its all good man!)

Also many tuners (and others) love to say the damage comes from weared parts, for example a turbocharger. But that's not it!. Turbos do get damaged by tuning and wrong handling.

I can understand the side of the customer. There comes somebody and puts a little thingy in your car, not even that expensive and suddenly you have a lot more power and more fun. You don't see it, but you feel it. With the thought in the head, that all engines are the same, you think that nothing could go wrong. The tuners do their part to the story... why should they report any damage caused by their tuning, that would ruin their business.

Chiptuning has somewhat in common with smoking. Cigarette-Manufacturers won't tell you that smoking causes lung-cancer. Smokers argue that they know people that smoked for long time and got 80 years old. Is that the evidence that smoking is unhealthy? Also here: Business with curing diseases related to smoking is huge.

All this statements should be valid for almost all Car-manufacturers, i personally don't know any brand that does not use the same-part strategy. Better safe than sorry.

____________________________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed this, and sorry if there are mistakes in translation or grammar.

Drive safe!