#i guess because tigers don’t sleep on their backs either

[phoenixofthestars]

I always struggled to make something like this when I was little. I wished, and still wish, that it was comfier for me to curl up and lay my head down on a pillow sitting on the edge of a nest inside a den.

i love stacking pillows around myself when i sleep like yes. im in a den. what about it

[cuppajj]

Thoughts about BY 5 and 6

So I finished the episode at an unhealthy morning hour, and now after getting my full sleep, I can fully share my thoughts!

And of course, spoilers for the newest episode!

First things first, I want to talk about Burning Spice himself. A while back, I made a post about my hopes for him and how I didn’t want him to be a temperamental meathead, but instead a smart and calculating person who took from his extensive knowledge of history to psychologically destroy as much as physically. Did we get that?

Kinda, kinda not. Spice isn’t another Purple Yam like I’d hoped, he has more character than being just angry, but the hotheadedness does remain most of the way through. He reminds me of a strongman anime villain, the kind whose braun speaks more than brain, but still capable of strategy. Most of that strategy comes from Nutmeg Tiger though, as Spice is mostly interested in fighting Cheese from beginning to end. There’s no moment where he messes with her mind directly and picks apart her vulnerabilities beyond surface level “you hold things dear to you that I will destroy”. Which, implication is that he was more focused on just fighting, which in the context of how/why he is the way he is, kinda makes sense.

And about that, I’ll address it briefly: So we learn that Spice’s corruption, at least the straw that broke the camel’s back, was that he got bored watching history unfold. I think it’s very cool! While I was interested in a little more nuance behind his boredom, sometimes villains don’t need a complex reason for why they do what they do. It does make Spice less sympathetic than Mystic Flour though, so it seems like not all Beasts may be equal in cause and backstory. However, stuff about him may be explored later, since he’s going to be back.

So I would say that Spice isn’t as one note as I’d hoped, but he is a simple villain. A simple and very very fun and scary villain, but there could’ve been a lot more to his character in this story that made it lacking for me. I know BY chapters are usually short, but there could’ve possibly been more time showing the parallels between him and Cheese beyond a dialogue or so. It would’ve been really cool if Spice addressed those directly, using it against Cheese. Making her rethink/relive the trauma of losing everyone and mentally destroying her… like what if there was an exchange in the prison cell when she was at her lowest? What if Smoked Cheese had either been incapacitated and unable to speak, or in a separate cell so Cheese could be entirely at the Beast’s mercy? (We DID get a bit of that when Cheese realized how apathetic he was and what he saw in her soul jam, but that was more of a disgusted shock than a mental breakdown.) Smoked could help her out of her turmoil later (an exchange between him and Spice could’ve also been awesome), but Spice leaving mental damage on Cheese would’ve further spread the idea that he also values breaking things internally.

But, I guess Spice is just destroy destroy destroy to the point where he doesn’t really care about anything else, which is… fine. Admittedly not my cup of tea because it’s so basic, but it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy his motivation. I hope we get a little more nuance next time we see him.

Anyway love these sprites!! I wished we got more related to the first two, it shows a mellower and/or ironically colder side of him that I think would’ve really helped amplify his fear factor. Spice is all fun and destruction but the oh shit comes from him showing more of the calculated side he used to have.

But speaking of Golden Cheese, I’ll talk about her next.

Overall I really liked her story here! I love seeing her in action and on her own, and her interactions with Smoked Cheese were fun to see! Smoked Cheese was extra fun, I loved how he had sass while still caring for people beyond his kingdom’s entourage (his voice and mannerisms remind me of tfp knockout it’s crazy). I was also happy to learn how the soul cheese worked, since that was a question I had from last episode. It appears Smoked isn’t in his body, but his soul is projecting a physical form given mass that relies on Golden Cheese’s power. Very interesting, and I wonder if he’s just going to stay out now, or if he’ll return? And what of the others too…

Now, something I will say about Cheese is that while her character arc made sense for her in a bubble, I feel a similar thing like I did with Spice that it could’ve been much better. Personally, while Cheese staying true to her greediness and immense care for her treasures is a good thing to power her up, I don’t think it made her as bigger a person than Spice than she could’ve. What would’ve been cooler and more thematic for her character would’ve actually been accepting that destruction and the loss of things she cares about is a natural part of life.

What I mean by this is that while Spice embodies destruction, Cheese essentially embodies creation, which are two polar opposites that have their place in the universe. Antagonizing one or the other should come with a deeper approach to the message, and frankly, antagonizing destruction in its entirety is a very black and white angle. Destruction can be inherently bad and tragic, yes, but it can also pave the way for new life and new things to be created. Plantlife grows back after a forest fire. You can build something better upon the ruins of what was before. For Cheese, her kingdom could’ve been lost/destroyed, but she could’ve accepted it and strove for a newer and better kingdom. Which, in some parts she did, but my philosophy also applies to people lost too.

Death and destruction was a prominent theme in Cheese’s backstory, and much of her Golden City arc was confronting that. I suppose this is a separate talk for another time, but to put it simply, she didn’t have an arc about accepting those who were lost, moreso about striving to bring those who were lost back. The story ended with her promising to bring her friends back, instead of accepting that she lost them and focusing her strength on protecting those she still has with her. That last part could’ve actually been what the Spice story led to, with her first wanting to find a way to bring everyone back, but deciding by the end of it that she can protect the memory of her kingdom along with the living friends she still has. Smoked Cheese could’ve even helped her with that, showing that he cares for her over himself, leading to a heartfelt goodbye between the two. This is just a wishful image, but it would’ve been a really good way for CRK to tackle a deep theme and touch a lot of people’s feelings. But what we got was a lot simpler, with both Spice and Cheese’s characters and themes, which I guess makes sense. Some stories (or the game itself) don’t really want to be anything super deep in narrative, and that’s fine as long as they’re still fun, which this was.

Lastly I will say, I fear the awakening thing will get a little predictable and repetitive from here on out. Beast is a threat for the first chapter, continues to be a threat up until Ancient does a power of love and friendship introspection and transforms into a stronger version of themself. I hope one of them will be a little subversive in this—I don’t know how, I just hope these great stories aren’t bogged down by predictability!

But anyway, those are my thoughts about BY 5 and 6. Overall a great story, I’m so happy to get Spice and Cheese action because they’re two of my favorites, Smoked Cheese was fun, and I’m looking forward to the new Shmilk stuff we will be getting around the anniversary. After that I really hope Eternal Sugar is next, I have a bunch of thoughts/hopes for them too!!

Anyway thanks for reading!

[jburrgf]

Prudence Girl.

We could stay alone, you and me and this temptation, sipping on your lips hanging on by thread.

pairing: joe burrow lsu x reader (becoming enemies to lovers)

summary: after a year at LSU, your best friend finally convinces you apply to be a prudence girl.

description: college life, frat party, kiss

—————————————————————

It was a relief to be far from home. From Ohio in general.

Now, I have to put up with my best friend, Tracy Evans, rambling about the fraternity and sorority homecoming at LSU and how much she’d love to be part of Prudence.

Prudence, by the way, is a sorority mostly run by a clique of cheerleaders. They all live in a huge house, practically Republican HQ, where they throw parties almost every week.

I find it cosmic and weird that the name is also a condom brand. But hey, no judgments here.

“We have to go, y/n.” Tracy grabs my shoulders, shaking them. “We can’t miss this!”

“Freshmen can’t miss it, and we’re not freshmen,” I say, winking at her. “At least, not technically. I still feel like one, tho.”

Tracy rolls her green eyes. “That’s where you’re wrong, y/n. It’s not just freshmen who can’t skip out. Prudence pledges can’t either.”

“And why does that matter to us?” I ask, frowning.

“Because, my dear, if we pass tonight’s initiation, we’ll be Prudence pledges,” she says, winking as my jaw slowly drops. “I signed us both up.”

“You what?” I get up from my chair, furious. “If you want to be a Prudence Girl, Tracy, go ahead, but don’t drag me into it!”

Tracy rolls her eyes again. “Don’t be dramatic,” she says, stroking my cheek. “You don’t have to go through initiation if you don’t want to, or even join Prudence. I just want your company, you know, moral support and stuff.”

With her puppy-dog eyes on me, it was impossible to refuse. Sighing heavily, I nodded.

“You owe me, Tracy Evans!” I growl, grabbing my black jacket and throwing it over a white T-shirt that says, “Don’t look at my tits, perv” as I leave the room.

I walked across the dorm with a scowl on my face. Sure, it’s good to be away from home, but it’s not like Cincinatti is a paradise. It’s not even close.

“Hey, y/LN!” I turned my head to the left, where Alyssa Powell was calling me. “Love the shirt.”

I roll my eyes with a faint smile. “What’s up, Powell?”

Me and Alyssa knew each other from the hallways of LSU. She wasn't like a friend of mine, but she was cool to talk to.

“I need ya’ help, y/n,” she says, biting her lip. “You know I don’t get along with Abby Griffin, right?”

“I think the whole campus knows, after she grabbed the principal’s megaphone and announced she’d make your life hell.” Aly grins at the memory. “Go on.”

“I need a reason to stay in Prudence,” she continues. “And a great reason would be to mentor a pledge during initiation. And I saw your name on the list…”

Oh, no.

“Aly… Look, you’re awesome, smart, funny…extraordinary!” Aly smiles, blushing. “But no way.”

“Why not?” She pouts. Oh boy, here come the sad faces again.

“Because I have zero interest in being part of Prudence,” I reply, tucking a strand of curls behind her ear. “Mentor Tracy. She really wants to join you guys.”

Aly sighs. “She already has a mentor,” she says, her voice pleading. “Abby made sure every pledge had one before I could even consider it. I’m surprised you don’t have one yet.”

“Oh, that’s simple. I hate every Prudence Girl,” I say, shrugging. “Including you. But I hate you with love, you know?”

I watch Alyssa laugh, throwing her head back.

“Y/n, look, I wouldn’t be here begging if it wasn’t important,” she says, grabbing my hands. “My mom graduated as a Prudence Girl, so did my aunt, and my older sister. It’s a family thing, you know? I can’t screw it up just because the leader hates me for sleeping with Joe.”

“Wait, what?”

I had no idea about it. Fresh gossip, I guess?

Joe Burrow was the new sensation on campus for the last six months. He was QB1 from the LSU Tigers and didn't lose any games in the regular season — at least not until now. I didn't know that guy very well, and honestly, I like it that way. I'm not into jocks, especially the ones with massive egos.

“Yeah. She doesn’t like me because I hooked up with her boyfriend once, that’s all,” she says, shrugging. “Please, y/n…”

I stare into her brown eyes, at her wild curls and clothes far too bold for a university.

“Okay. On one condition,” I say, watching her smile grow wider and wider.

“Anything!”

“I want a room with Tracy, just the two of us. That, or no deal!” I cross my arms.

“Deal!”

[…]

When I return to my dorm, Tracy is there, jumping around to an ‘80s song, dressed in pink leggings, a black crop top, leg warmers, and a headband holding back her blonde hair. She looked ridiculous. Ridiculously beautiful.

“What the hell are you doing, Evans?” I ask, climbing the bunk bed ladder. If joining Prudence means having my own bed on the floor, it might be worth it.

“Aerobics,” she says, smiling. “I do it every day after class for two hours. It’s exhausting, but it works.”.

“You should try it.”

“No thanks. I prefer my soft butt,” I say sarcastically. “Oh, by the way, I’m doing the initiation and becoming a Prudence Girl.”

“What? Why?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be happy?” I frown.

“I am, of course I am,” she smiles. “But why? You were so set against it this morning.”

I sigh. “Alyssa Powell asked me,” I shrug. “If she’s not my mentor, Abby Griffin will kick her out of Prudence.”

.“Remind me to thank her later.”

I lay back on my pillow, thinking about what it would be like to share a house with dozens of girls. Rent is $100, slightly less than the dorm, but that’s not reason enough to join a sorority.

“How does this initiation work, anyway?” I ask.

“It’s really simple, almost childish,” she says, rolling her eyes. “The guys eat or drink something, then kiss us. If we guess what it was, we’re in.”

“Seriously? That’s it?”

“Almost childish, like I said,” she grins.

Then it hits me. “Wait! Guys? What guys?”

“What other guys, silly? Prudence Girls kiss Prudence Boys,” Tracy bites her lip. “I can’t wait to kiss one of them.”

I rub my face with both hands, already regretting agreeing to this mess.

“I bet you can’t.”

[…]

Prudence House was packed, full of students. Nobody cared that it was the initiation for the new Prudence pledges because it was one of the most anticipated parties of the year—alongside the Prudence fraternity’s homecoming, the Kappa farewell, and the random Acacia parties, all of them Republican houses.

Tracy made me wear one of her dresses, shorter and tighter than I had imagined. My best friend did my makeup and hair, not because I can’t get ready on my own, but because I take forever doing it.

In just an hour, I was perfectly ready, waiting for the campus lights to go out and the pink lights of the Prudence sorority, in the back street, to take over. The house was ridiculously large—after all, it housed almost thirty girls—with many rooms, many bathrooms, and a huge party hall. It was in this hall that I stopped to observe the beige walls.

“Stop looking at things like that, you look like a child,” Tracy murmured, elbowing me.

“Sorry, mom,” I teased, hiding a smile. “This place feels like a museum.”

Tracy didn’t respond, maybe because she agreed or maybe because Abby Griffin was making her way toward us, looking determined.

Abby Griffin was the type of girl with queen bee energy. And she really was, technically. For the past two years, she was the “Prudence Queen”. I never knew how we became friends — actually, I didn’t even have the idea that she knew who I was.

“Y/n y/ln, I presume,” she said, eyeing me with superiority. “Alyssa’s new recruit.”

“In the flesh,” I smiled at her.

“The initiation will start shortly, in the backyard. If you're late, you’re out.” I could see in her eyes she wanted to add "along with Alyssa," but she held back.

“We’ll be there.”

Tracy squeezed my hand and pulled me outside in a matter of seconds, making me roll my eyes dramatically.

When we arrived outside, a line of women stretched across the lawn, their nervous and anxious faces clearly marking them as potential pledges. Everything would depend on a stupid kiss from a guy.

Alyssa found me when I got to the end of the line; including Tracy and me, there were twelve of us, the maximum number allowed per semester. Aly smiled and held my hands.

“Your room is already reserved,” she whispered. Aly glanced around, checking the area before leaning in to whisper, “Coffee candy and mint gum.” To disguise her words, Aly gave me a quick peck. “See you later, Prudence Girl.”

I held back the urge to groan that "Prudence Girl" and "Prudence Boy" sounded like names for a girl group and boy band—and they also actively reminded me of condoms, of course. I could make that joke later, after surviving the initiation just because a fling had kindly asked me to.

Tracy watched us with a smile; a nod from her confirmed she had heard what Aly said.

I would call this cheating if I cared about this whole mess.

“Welcome, everyone—brothers, sisters, pledges, and nosy students,” Abby Griffin began, silencing the crowd. “Tonight, we’ll be welcoming our new sisters—those who, of course, pass the initiation.”

Tracy squeezed my hand. Sneaky little thing.

“The initiation is as follows: we have a dozen Prudence Boys here, but you won’t see them until after you've kissed them.” At that, each mentor handed their pledge a black blindfold and placed it over our eyes. “Each guy has tasted something different—maybe a strawberry, maybe whipped cream, maybe vodka... Your job, during the kiss, is to figure out what was in his mouth before he kissed you. Good luck.”

Apparently, a line of twelve boys stood in front of us, aligned like we were. But we wouldn’t be kissed all at once.

I had to endure the sounds of sloppy kisses for several long minutes, along with guesses of foods or drinks—all of them correct.

Tracy squeezed my hand one last time before letting go.

It was her turn.

More kissing sounds, longer than usual. I rolled my eyes beneath the blindfold.

“Coffee candy!” Tracy shouted, earning applause and cheers.

Now it was my turn.

I felt the approach of someone who smelled of cheap cologne and sweat, and I automatically grimaced. This was clearly Abby’s doing.

But before the guy could mess up my night, a voice stopped him.

“Step aside, Oliver.” The body heat from the boy faded as he stepped away, and someone else approached. This one smelled of Dior Savage and coconut shampoo, and I honestly like it more. “She deserves someone better.”

“And you’re that someone better, Burrow?” Oliver, I assumed, yelled.

There was no response. Instead, soft lips covered mine, kissing me gently, while a hand slid to my neck, holding me in place, at his mercy.

An overwhelming sense of déjà vu hit me.

But his mouth didn’t taste like mint gum. Oliver surely would have, but this intruder had interfered.

I didn’t know whether to thank him for sparing me from the sweaty guy or curse him for confusing my mind.

I was still being kissed. His lips pressed lovingly against mine, and at the end of that affectionate wildness, three soft pecks were left as his hand released my neck.

Oh, crap. Crap, crap, crap.

The once-noisy crowd had gone completely silent. Not a single person was saying anything.

Nothing. Not even a whisper.

I focused on the taste left in my mouth, where his tongue had roamed freely.

“What the hell was that, Burrow?” Abby yelled, probably storming toward us.

I didn’t dare remove my blindfold, afraid of what I’d see. Of who I’d see.

“You weren’t supposed to kiss her!” Abby continued.

Someone leaned toward me, and from the scent, it was him again.

“Do you have a boyfriend, darling?” he asked with the sweetest voice he could do it.

“No.”

“Then yes, I can kiss you.” I pressed my lips together as they argued.

“No, you can’t! You took Olly’s place!” Abby shouted back.

I cleared my throat, embarrassed.

“Chocolate,” I suddenly said, silencing them. “You ate chocolate before...”

A soft gasp escaped the boy, low and pleading, before his mouth claimed mine again.

Oh my God...

“Joseph Burrow!” Abby shrieked, furious, while the boy ignored her completely, more interested in caressing my lips with his own.

Damn, this feels so good!

A strand of my hair was tucked behind my ear as my lips were reluctantly released.

“Congratulations, Ohio girl. You’re a Prudence Girl now.”

I felt like I could faint at any moment, but I didn’t remove the blindfold, because I knew who I’d see if I did, and I wasn’t ready for that.

[luffyvace]

Late!! Dazai B Day hcs!! 😊

Yes IK I’m like literally almost 2 months late but I’m doing it ✨fashionably late✨

Dazai would become such a big baby 🤦‍♀️

he wants to sleep in late and wants breakfast in bed

the whole shabang 🙄

basically demands everything cuz he’s “the birthday boy☝️🤓”

and if you don’t get it for him your a bad s/o 😤✋

also demands cuddles all day long, which- I guess isn’t so bad 🤷‍♀️

I hope you didn’t plan anything, cuz he pretty lazy and doesn’t wanna work or even go out really

i mean maybe, only if you promise you have something super fun planned 🤩 and he’s gotta be interested in it too! ☝️😤

or your going to jail! For ruining his birthday D:

wouldn’t mind if you invited the Ada members over, actually asks you to do it at some point because his b day is too lonely without lots of friends and a party!! :D

all the sudden he has all this energy and wants to turn up LOL

so you guys put on some music, pour some drinks and have an unplanned party on the spot!!

although I’m sure Atsushi was planning one for him anyway <3

you’d best have brought him the most top tier gifts too!! >:( only the greatest stuff for the birthday king! 👑 (yes he deems “boy” too belittling now and wants to be called the birthday king now 😭⁉️)

gives you lots of kisses, back hugs and overall pda, - AND NO COMPLAINING!- cuz he’s the birthday king~ 😊

so if you don’t like it suck it up for a day butter cup!- Cuz he loves it! 💋

undoubtedly bothers Kunkida and asks him to do obnoxious, stupid things he knows he wouldn’t wanna do

and there’s no getting mad cuz he the birthday king!~ 😉

kunikida gets mad anyway and Dazai whines that he’s not supposed to get mad at him on his big dayyyy! D;

goes to you to tattle tale and you switch the topic by suggesting limbo! 🤩🤷‍♀️

To which Dazai immediately falls in love with this idea and demands everyone to play

in this order, is how everyone wins:

0 Dazai (he’s the birthday boy king ! )

1 Fukuzawa (the real winner)

2 Atsushi (tiger flexiblity)

3 Kyoka (super tiny)

4 Kenji (Second tiniest)

5 Tanizaki (would’ve done better but Mii-Chan aka the cat jump on him- LOL 😅😂)

6 Yosano (woman flexiblity)

7 Dazai’s ACTUAL placement-

7 Ranpo (would’ve done better but when he got “no” as an answer to “is the reward snacks” he gave up before even trying)

8 Kunikida (Dazai tickled him 🗿)

9 Naomi (has girl flexibility but wanted Tanizaki to win over her)

10 Kirako [office lady] (has girl flexibility but didn’t really try)

yippieeee Fukuzawa Dazai wins 😁🏅

for dinner you had spicy curry (either Kunikida or you made it)

And his cake was marble, I feel like he’d really like it

⚠️Suicide/death mention⚠️ (ofc it’s Dazai..)

at some point he asked you to commit double suicide with him, you can’t say no! It’s for his b day!! 😖😫 imagine dying on the day you came into the world!! With your lover! Isn’t that just romantic!~ 😍 hurry! Pick a painless way to die from this book of his before the day is over!! 😄 no? WHYYY?! 😩 *cue Dazai melting and turning into a hot mess on the floor*

by the end of the night your apartment is pretty messy and you and Dazai are cuddling up in bed, your head on his chest (or vise versa whatever you prefer <3) in solidarity silence

he demands you give the birthday king a goodnight kiss, and you do 💗

Short n sweet, but sometimes that’s how we prefer it, right?

-Brook🏴‍☠️

[that-weird-skeleton-bastard]

✨Cult of the lamb incorrect quotes✨ (bishops edition) (and lambert is there too)

Leshy: Accidentally indulged in too much ‘free time’, turns out I’ve been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.

❤️-----------------------------------------------------------------

*While the Squad is in a battle* Shamura, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left! Leshy: Take it back now y'all!

🧡-----------------------------------------------------------------

Heket: What did you get on your shirt? Lambert: Rust. Heket: From what? Lambert: Weapons. Kallamar: Time for more adult supervision.

💛-----------------------------------------------------------------

Lambert: Man, I’m gonna get fat if you keep feeding me all these chips and junk! Narinder: I’M NOT! I was eating them and you took them. Lambert: You said I should try some! Narinder: I said they were good. Lambert: That’s not how I heard it.

💚-----------------------------------------------------------------

Heket: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life. Kallamar: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back... Lambert: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this. Leshy: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years. Shamura: I knew I lost that potential somewhere. Narinder: Mental stability, my old friend! Heket: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

💙-----------------------------------------------------------------

Leshy: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium* Kallamar: Leshy, what did you think a tiger shark was?

💜-----------------------------------------------------------------

Leshy: Do you ever feel like exploding? Have you experienced the urge to enter the process of combustion? Has your mind created a logical idea, known as thought, to disperse your body into thousands of particles suddenly? Heket: It’s 3 am, please go back to sleep.

❤️-----------------------------------------------------------------

Lambert, handing a balloon to Narinder: I have no soul. Have a good day! Narinder, walking off: I don't have one either.

🧡-----------------------------------------------------------------

Leshy: Wasn't icarly that guy that girlbossed too close to the sun because he was down for Apollo? Shamura: ICARUS?

💛-----------------------------------------------------------------

Narinder: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway. Heket: Narinder: Vroom vroom, come out already.

💚-----------------------------------------------------------------

Heket: How are you gonna carve a gigantic pumpkin? Narinder: The same way I make onion rings! Narinder: *grabs a chainsaw*

💙-----------------------------------------------------------------

Leshy: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything? Heket: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital. Leshy: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you. Heket: But I heard a siren. Narinder: That was Kallamar. Kallamar: Sorry, I got nervous.

💜-----------------------------------------------------------------

Heket: So uh, for this party and everything, do you, uh... Kallamar, sighing: You don't know how to dress for this, do you? Heket, panicked: WHAT IS CLOTHES???

❤️-----------------------------------------------------------------

Narinder: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. Kallamar: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Narinder: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. Kallamar: You forgot pride. Narinder: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

🧡-----------------------------------------------------------------

Shamura: Show me Pennsylvania. Leshy: I don’t know Canadian geography.

💛-----------------------------------------------------------------

Shamura: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely. Lambert, Narinder, & Leshy: Okay. Shamura: If you don't want to die, give me all your money. Lambert: Bold of you to assume I have money. Kallamar: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die. Narinder: Bold of you to assume I can die.

💚----------------------------------------------------------------

Narinder: I’m afraid of clowns. There, I said it. Shamura: Narinder, if you don't like clowns, why are you hanging with Lambert?

💙----------------------------------------------------------------

Lambert: Narinder- Narinder: *sighs* Shamura used to call me Narinder... Lambert: ...Because it's your fucking name.

💜----------------------------------------------------------------

Narinder, holding out a cookie for Lambert: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you! Lambert: *Ugly crying* Narinder, holding out another cookie for Leshy: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you! Leshy, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?!

🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤

[another-dr-another]

How about this?

{Kobashikawa, Otori, Tsurugi, 1, Murder, White Noise, First, Culprit, After, Before}

Maeda, narrating - Ah…

Maeda - Yeah, I think I can solve it like that.

~*~

Maeda - Last night, Kobashikawa had to leave Tsurugi’s dorm room. This happened after everyone was either asleep, or falling asleep-

Maeda - Ōtori was still awake, and Tsurugi got woken up to watch Kobashikawa and make sure he just went to his room.

Maeda - Kobashikawa left his room sometime after 12:43 AM, and went right back to Tsurugi’s dorm.

Maeda - Everyone who woke up for this went back to sleep, so for some time, everyone in the room was likely fast asleep.

Maeda - I woke up because I heard someone talking, but I couldn’t hear who they were talking to.

Maeda - A little later, there was a second conversation, where someone accused the person they were talking with of murder.

Maeda - There was a thump, and some crying, and I didn’t hear anything else.

Maeda - I heard something similar to white noise, and there were some lights, which were brighter than the lights I saw after the first conversation.

Maeda - There was some changes to the noises, but we’ve already decided that was probably the blackened turning something on to cover up the sounds of Higa dying, and the conversation was them shushing someone who woke up.

Maeda - Higa died before Kobashikawa got back from his room, which happened after I heard anything. That’s the timeline of events.

Tomori - …It all makes sense.

Tsurugi - …

Maki, targeted - …No one has issue with this?

Taira - …

Kobashikawa - …

Ōtori - …I guess it feels fine to me? I couldn’t name anything wrong with it.

Hatano - Everything fits, doesn’t it? What seems wrong to you?

Maki - …

Tsurugi - …

Maki - …Nothing.

Maeda - …I think I know what Maki’s on about.

Maeda - It’s… if anyone thinks something else happened, they should say something.

Maeda - If we’re allowed to think the wrong thing, it’ll go poorly for us- we need to have the right facts.

Maeda - Does everyone think the timeline is right?

//Maeda is looking at Tsurugi, who’s gently rocking and swaying. 

Tomori - Five of us have said we agree with it… 

Taira - I don’t have any reason to argue about the timeline.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Tsurugi? Are we right?

Tsurugi - …?

//He goes still, and seems to think for a moment before looking at Maeda and smiling.

Tsurugi - Mhm!

Tsurugi - I think it should be fine to see things like this.

Maki - …

Taira - To see things like what?

Tsurugi - …The way Maeda explained it?

Taira - Is that the correct way?

Tsurugi - Ohh…

Tsurugi - You know I can’t say things like that!

Tsurugi - Doesn’t everyone hate video games where the assistant pops up and tells you everything?

Hatano - Not a video game.

Tsurugi - Ah.

Tomori - What’s wrong?

Tsurugi - Ah-

Taira - Tsurugi is being cagey.

Tsurugi - …The tiger. He destroyed his cage.

Tomori - …Sorry- is this too important? Aren’t we fine to keep working on solving the case?

Maki - …That’s true.

Maki - Tsurugi, you know what happened, yeah?

Tsurugi - …To Higa?

Maki - Mhm.

Tsurugi - Yeah, I’ve got it.

Tsurugi - But… how to get everyone to the right perspective…

Maeda - …?

Tsurugi - Angles are a silly thing- did you know that in English, angle and angel are super similar words?

Maeda - Really?

Tsurugi - Mhm, no joke.

Uehara - You’re an cute angel…

Tsurugi - Acute is a type of angle.

Uehara - Okay…

Maeda - Uehara, do you know English?

Uehara - Nah. In Italian, it's angelo and angolo, though.

Maeda - Ah.

Tsurugi - …

Uehara - …

Maeda - …Wait- I meant to ask Tsurugi what he’s thinking…

Maeda - Tsurugi, what’s on your mind?

Tsurugi - I don’t really understand the postage system. I wish I knew more about how that worked.

Maeda - …

Tsurugi - …I’m being so genuine right now. I wonder how they allocate time and labor. 

Maeda - You don’t feel the need to think about the case?

Tsurugi - No!

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - …I mean. Yeah. I’m thinking. But that doesn’t mean sharing!

Tsurugi - Just… keep trying to solve it Maeda. Don’t mind me.

Maeda - …Okay. 

Maeda - Whatever.

Maeda - …Not whatever.

Maeda - Tsurugi, it’s fine to let us in on things, you know?

Tsurugi - …Mm…

Tomori - …

Tomori - I mean, I don’t mind trying to solve things on our own.

Tomori - It’s for our best, right? We should be able to do things! Choosing to be dependent on someone is… everything can be complicated, but generally, it isn’t a good choice.

Tomori - Besides, Tsurugi is the one who chooses what he does, including what he says. It’s fine to be upset with it, but I don’t… think it’s harmful, so I don’t think it should be spoken against.

Tsurugi - …Thank you, Kizuna. 

//Tomori smiles.

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - Usually, I’m not even thinking about the case. Earlier I was thinking about diffusing mail bombs. I’ve got cases I’m on outside of the school, there’s stuff on my mind. 

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - Please take good care of me! I’ve only been visiting this world for a lil’ bit, our time together is so short! I’ll do my best!

Maeda, begrudgingly affectionate - …Fine, Tsurugi. Fiiiiiiiine…

Kobashikawa - In that case, where did we leave off?

Maki - Maeda arranged what happened last night into proper order.

Kobashikawa - …Right.

Tomori - And there isn’t an issue with it- we’ve got the timeline established, that’s great!

Hatano - …

Hatano - Now what? I mean, yeah, we got the timeline sorted, but what do we do with that?

Tomori - …

Ōtori - …

Ōtori - We’re no further along. 

Tsurugi - …

Ōtori - …Getting the timeline established didn’t help us at all, because it doesn’t matter when things happened.

Ōtori - We all have the same alibi during the time Higa died. Everyone was asleep.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Everyone claims they were asleep. 

Maeda - Most of us are telling the truth. Most of us legitimately slept through the night. 

Maeda - But one person didn’t, and whoever it was, they aren’t leaving us any threads to pull. They’re lying flawlessly.

Taira - …

Taira - Then, let’s review everything.

Maeda - …Isn’t that what we just did?

Taira - Go over everything. Every aspect of how Higa died.

Hatano - Huh?

Hatano - He pissed someone off, they went over and strangled him.

Taira - And the thump?

Maki - …

Maki - Higa was violent. He saw pain as a disciplinary measure. I’d put money on him hitting the person, and it hurting them.

Maki - Tsurugi suggested it earlier- maybe the blackened panicked, and was trying to get him to leave them alone. 

Uehara - Bite the hand that beats.

Maki - Exactly.

Taira - Okay. So, Higa thought somebody committed murder, and he hit them over it, prompting them to reach over and strangle him.

Hatano - …?

Maki - …I get it.

Maki - What would have prompted Higa to think that someone had been murdered?

Taira - Yes. We need to understand every aspect of the case, including the incenting event.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Did he see that Iranami was missing?

Ōtori - I would doubt it. I can’t see Higa as the sort to wake up and decide to check on everyone.

Maeda - Mmm…

Hatano - …

Hatano - Yeah, actually-

Hatano - What could have led Higa to think there’d been a murder? What evidence would there have been?

Uehara - There wasn’t any.

Uehara - No one committed murder last night- not at that point. He wouldn’t have seen anything… implying a murder, because there was nothing to see.

Maeda - Right…

Maeda - Objectively, that’s true- there’s nothing that goes against it. There wasn’t a murder.

Ōtori - …

Maki - …Okay. So Higa just… didn’t see anything. 

Taira - Ah… it seems looking at that was a bust, then.

Maki - Mhm… but, it’s still a good idea to work out the details on what happened. We’re on the right track there.

Kobashikawa - …

Kobashikawa - What about during the murder? Strangulation takes a bit of time, doesn’t it?

Maki - That’s right.

Ōtori - What are you thinking, Kobashikawa?

Kobashikawa - Well…

Kobashikawa - If we figure he was trying to fight off the person, wouldn’t he have been able to leave a mark on them?

Maeda - Ohhhh shit.

Kobashikawa - I know it was established the bloody pillow wasn’t used, but I don’t even see how that’d really help us prove the blackened’s identity-

Kobashikawa - But, wouldn’t scratching or bruising be pretty damning?

Maeda - Kobashikawa, no!

Ōtori - …That… might work.

Maki - …

Maki - Mm… it could probably narrow things down.

Maeda - No! It’s- let’s not!

Maeda - I have bruises on my arms, and I’m not the blackened!

Maeda - Fuck. I can’t explain my bruises, that’s the problem. I don’t know how I got them.

Maeda - I suggested that earlier… wasn’t it Tomori that shot the idea now?

Maeda - Tomori!

//He turns to Tomori. She’s… offering no help, only looking at the rest of the students, expression giving no indication she plans to interject.

Maeda - Fuck, Tomori…

Taira - I don’t have any issue with looking to see who’s been injured.

Taira - In fact, perhaps that’ll solve the case. If someone’s injured, and doesn’t have good reason… we may have found our blackened.

Maeda - FUCK! Okay. Okay.

Maeda, hesitant - …Wait.

Maeda - I- I don’t think this’ll work…

Taira - No?

Maeda - I… don’t think we should try this, because I don’t think we should depend on it.

Maeda - A mark or two isn’t… isn’t substantive enough for our case to be built entirely off of.

Maeda - We need to work out something else, then we can use any bruises- or something- to see if our ideas work.

Maeda - W-We shouldn’t get desperate, right? Let’s take our time!

Kobashikawa - …

Maki - …I understand that…

Maki - But it’s still something for us to go off of- and we don’t have that right now.

Maeda - Shit, she’s totally right. I- I don’t know what to suggest.

Maeda - …Oh my god. If everyone votes for me, it’s not only that I’ll die, everyone dies.

Maeda - Fuck.

Hatano - I’m with Maeda.

Maeda - LET’S GO.

Hatano - I mean- you said we can use injuries to try and verify the blackened after we’ve worked out who they are, right?

Maeda - Y-Yeah!

Hatano - …I guess I don’t agree then, because I don’t think we should use the bruises at all.

Hatano - I mean- so what if Higa did leave some marks? It’s-

Hatano - Don’t you think if he did anything substantive, he’d have been able to get himself free? No use in scratching the hell out of someone if you still die about it.

Maeda - …

Maki - …

Kobashikawa - …It’s… actually a relevant point, maybe-

Kobashikawa - Higa… definitely wasn’t weak. I do have a hard time believing he’d go down without a fight.

Kobashikawa - Is it possible that he… didn’t fight back? Like, he was unable to, or something similar?

Maki - …

Maki - I…

Maki - …Shit. Sorry.

Maki - It feels like we’re starting to reach that point where…

//Maki is clearly fighting to make headway on the case… and the fact it isn’t working seems to be getting to her.

Maki - We’re just going in circles. We’re starting to look for any reason to throw everything out.

Ōtori - Do you disagree with Kobashikawa?

Maki - I don’t! I completely agree, I don’t get how the blackened was able to kill Higa without him overpowering them-

Maki - Even if it was someone strong enough to beat him in a fight, I mean, would any of us have been able to just… take him down like that, without him managing to toss them off him?

//…Maeda doesn’t miss the way she looks at Tsurugi when she’s finished speaking.

Maki - It’s not impossible for him to have been beaten- I know I probably could have,

Maki - But if I had tried to strangle him, he probably would have been able to buck me off, even if I’d get him in the end-

Maki - And that would have woken someone up!

Taira - …

Maki - I-

Maki - …Everything we come up with makes this case worse.

Maki - We aren’t finding something to work with here. So, either we start to tear apart what we do have…

Tsurugi - …

Uehara - …Or?

//Tsurugi’s eyes flick over to Uehara- the first time Maeda’s seen him look at someone since the last time he spoke. His gaze shifts quickly… unlike Maki, who looks at Uehara… and just looks. Just looks. Before finally speaking.

Maki - …Or we die.

~*~

Maeda, narrating - …Fucking Christ…

Maeda - …

Maeda - Shit. She’s completely right. I’m glad I’m not the one that had to say it… fuck, Maki is completely right.

Maeda - It’s different hearing someone else… verbalize what you’ve been thinking.

Maeda - …

Maeda - …

Maeda - …I don’t know. I can’t- I can’t think of anything to say. There’s nothing I can think of to investigate.

Maeda - …

Maeda - …But, it’s like Taira said. 

Maeda - Even if we don’t have proof of what happened, we know it has to have happened, because we see the effect it had.

Maeda - We don’t know how Higa was murdered, but we know that it happened, because Higa’s dead now.

Maeda - …

//He laughs, softly- more choked than anything, which he’s grateful for. Now isn’t the time to be laughing over anything, and Maeda’s realization really isn’t funny.

Maeda - Okay. Yeah, I know where we need to go with this.

Maeda - Fuck. We just had another dumbass sidebar about this, too.

Maeda - Okay. Okay, okay.

Maeda - If it happened, but I don’t understand how… if Higa’s been murdered, and the only person who knows what happened is the person behind the case-

Maeda - We obviously can’t ask them, so we need to ask the person who’s already solved the case.

{Select a Student}

[blindrapture]

MONDAY JULY 4TH, 2011 (Rael's Exodus VI: Wishful Thinking)

9:12 AM I dreamt of leaving a beach. Donnie’s still sleeping. She looks adorable. :3 ..in a.. badass kinda way! .w.;;

9:31 AM Now she’s awake. Hi there! :D

9:59 AM We’re gonna go up to the bridge and see how Richard’s doing.

10:20 AM I heard no footsteps other than our own this time. I’m glad. c:

10:23 AM Richard looks pretty tired. But he wants to keep going. He says we’re almost there. A couple more hours, in fact. This’ll be my first time in America in.. eleven months. It’s a rather alien feeling.

10:49 AM ..holy fuck, I am hungry. x_x When was the last time we ate? We’re going to the dining room place. There might be some food left over. We said we’d bring some back for Richard.

11:03 AM There’s still some pies left. Pork pies, cornishes, and.. huh, a lot of tinned beans. Donnie can have the beans. I insist. >w> ..god, I’m weird.

11:18 AM We brought the food back to the bridge. Richard took some cornishes and some tinned beans. I’m having pork pies and sausages. Donnie wanted some of everything. Fine by us! :3

12:22 PM The sea’s been so calm. I guess EAT does want us passing.

12:48 PM Richard advises that we go get whatever things we have and be ready to go. According to his best guess, we’ll be arriving in the next half-hour.

1:04 PM Okay, got my folder of CDs, got Tiger Stripes, got a bag I’ll fill with whatever’s left in the kitchen, got my outfit. Donnie’s got her frying pan and a second bag for food, plus some books she’s found lying around. I spy Tolstoy. ..and her outfit, of course. She’s not naked. >_>

1:17 PM Ooh, plenty of food here to grab.

1:26 PM ..Yates’ room! Hello, prog CDs.

1:29 PM Yes, I did just snatch whatever ones I didn’t have. Shut up.

1:41 PM Huh, Richard’s quiet. …you’ve gotta be kidding me.

1:42 PM Goddammit. Another suicide. Why, Richard? Why? We were nearly out. >_< We were nearly out!

1:45 PM ..oh my god, I get it. We actually.. well… gah. Richard killed himself because we reached America. I can see land up there. But I can also see something else up there. Fields of zombies. As in, the land is absolutely covered in zombies. And these are all moving individually. They’re either Indisen or the normal zombies. If there’s a difference. A lot of them are watching our boat, very angry and hungry. Tiger Stripes, please give us some strength. Please give us a lot of strength. This is gonna be carnage. And how are we even gonna get over there? I don’t want to risk swimming. I might ruin this journal, for starters.

1:48 PM Donnie’s trying to get the boat moving.

1:50 PM She’s got it! Goddamn, I love that girl. >w<

2:07 PM ..we have officially reached America. Heading to exit the Exodus now.

2:15 PM Goodbye, R.M.S. Exodus. You did your last job very well for Queen and country. ..I see a sign nearby. We’re in Atlantic City, New Jersey. And the zombies are everywhere. Well, Tiger Stripes, old pal… it’s time to get back to work.

2:17 PM EAT THIS EAT THAT EAT SOME OF THIS EAT A LITTLE BIT OF THAT

3:53 PM THERE’S NO END My arms are aching. The zombies just keep on coming. Donnie’s still going on. What a trooper. If she can soldier on, I can, too.

4:17 PM We found a shop not filled with zombies. We’ve barricaded the door for now. We just need to rest.

4:53 PM Donnie’s ready. I guess I am too. There’s a map of the town here. We’ve planned out our course. We’re just gonna get out of the city, and find some place not filled with zombies. Then we’re gonna figure out where to go next.

4:59 PM Okay. Out into the chaos.

5:39 PM EVERY DIRECTION IS FILLED WITH THE UNDEAD IT’S LIKE ATLANTA ALL OVER AGAIN

7:49 PM We’re approaching the outskirts of the city. The zombies keep coming, though!

8:32 PM Oh god, finally, they’re all gone. We’re just gonna rest. Here. On the grass. Pain in my limbs. x__x

8:40 PM I hear thunder.

8:41 PM Oh my god, that is not thunder, that is the thunderous footsteps of a large mob of motherfucking zombies in all directions. Getting up now. Tiger Stripes, we just don’t get a break.

8:50 PM HERE COMES THE STORM TIME TO RIDE THE LIGHTNING, DICKWADS!

9:02 PM They keep coming. And coming. And coming. Oh my god. Blood raining from the sky after Tiger Stripes smacks each one.

9:22 PM ..holy fuck. It’s the gas mask guy! The what was it THE GRIM REAPER!Up there in the sky! Death! "Rise, my huddled masses! Wretched refuse of this teeming shore! Be thou my tempest! Toss these exiles to their golden door!" what door what is he talking about Donnie says it's a metaphor we're uh we're aching already and he's summoning more

9:24 PM We've ducked into a building, this was once a restaurant We don't have long before they realize where we went Just hide in the kitchen, catch our breath

9:25 PM Wait. Hang on. "What?" This kitchen is familiar. Where have I seen this before? Rows of counters, and a giant.. oven… donnie's looking closer "it says B-4000k…" Is this just... a coincidence? "It has to be. This was in Blackpool. This was where we…"

9:26 PM I walked back out the way we came in and found a completely different place. Donnie, come here. she's bewildered "A post office? This was a restaurant. We absolutely ran into a restaurant." So. So this is rabbit hole shit. now she's annoyed "Oh. No, of course it is." But is this how rabbit holes work? Looking like.. actual places we know were in the real world? "They're magical portals, Jordan. They can work however they want." But there's, like.. a logic… "Look out there! We're still in Atlantic City, but a different part of it. The zombies will all still be gathered near that restaurant, and obviously we're nowhere near them now. If we're careful, we might be okay." Well. Shall we look for a different building? A place to sleep, and a place not so close to this, um. Portal?

10:42 PM We found what used to be a hotel. Some of the doors were knocked off the hinges, so we got into a room, and we found a bed that isn't such a mess. It's quiet outside, with no sign of zombies. Not even if we poke our heads out the window and listen really close to the distance. I think we made it. I think we actually made it.We’re actually in America. .w. That was one hell of a voyage, for sure. …not to mention, one hell of a welcome party. >_> EAT said the Fears were watching out for us, that they want to get a look at us now that the Harlequin’s gone. ‘Cause we’re X factors. Looks like Gas Masky is another one of the Fears. Looks like he controls the zombies. And it looks like he’s focusing his attention in the States for now. Lovely. I get the feeling we’re gonna be seeing a lot of Fears over here. And of course, all the monsters that aren’t Fears. Maybe we’ll also get to see Bones.

11:00 PM One other thing’s been stumping me for an incredibly long time is the elephant in the planetary room itself: Rapture. We find out information about it a lot, but we still don’t actually know what it is. I’ve been hearing a lot of theories, mostly conflicting ones, but no matter what, the link to all of them is that it’s coming. Whatever Rapture is, it’s coming, and it’s related to both Indisen and the portals Doors. The Doors are key. What could individualistic sentience possibly have to do with gateways to another universe? There’s more to all this, clearly. What more, “Rapture” is generally a good thing, right? It’s, like.. Christians generally say it’s the day Jesus returns, or it’s associated with him in some way. That’s a good thing. Should we be fearing it?

11:11 PM I wish we can make it out of this alive. I wish I can find Bones. I wish I can find Danny, for that matter. And Fentzy. I wish I can find Fentzy, too. I wish for all the strength Tiger Stripes can give me. And I wish Rapture wasn’t coming.

11:12 PM I don’t know why the hell I make all these wishes at 11:11. It’s just a superstition. It’s not like it’ll ever come true. But still, I feel like I need to. I dunno. I guess I’m a wishful thinker.

(Attached: “Coincidentally, not long after witnessing the primordial formation of the Earth, the Devil took me to a more recent time– the Incans are more recent than the start of the planet, that’s what I mean– where we ran into EAT herself. I don’t remember how the conversation got to this point, but eventually that Camper was pointing a finger down a temple’s elusive hallway. --- Look, this discovery is groundbreaking in its implications! This hallway leads to places beyond the stars, places beyond the farthest stars! Whatever is down this path is something contained in the deepest pits of the deepest corners of the deepest regions of deep space. And somehow, that something has a passage leading right here. And this is what humans call ‘the underworld.’ So we need to see. I distinctly remember looking at the Devil and his omega face glancing expressionlessly back at me. Whatever either of us was thinking, we weren’t saying; this memory is entirely without context. The next thing I remember, I woke up in a bus stop in the rain.”)

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[wandering-night19]

10 People You’d Like to Get to Know Better

Thanks for the tag @lemonlyman-dotcom @alrightbuckaroo @ramblingdisaster73 @thebumblecee 

Relationship Status: This is hard to answer because I’m ace, but I’ve got a soulmate. So like do with that what you will. I’m happy is the real answer.

Song stuck in my head: No Body, No Crime by Taylor Swift...we were singing it at work for completely inappropriate reasons...

Last song I listened to: Moi c’est by Camélia Jordana

Three favourite foods: Popcorn! Macarons! Nachos!

Last thing I googled: A doctor asked me “was he vertiginous?” and I looked this man dead in the eye and said, “No.” Then I scurried back to the nurses station and asked my nurse bestie if she knew what it meant and she didn’t so we googled it thinking he made up the damn word. He didn’t. And my answer was correct because my patient did not experience vertigo! (why couldn’t he just ask that, why’d he have to bring out the big words?) 

Dream Trip: Maldives.

Anything I want right now: Too many things to name, but I’ll settle for a decent nights sleep.

If you could be an animal, what would you be and why?: Giraffes and tigers are my two favorite animals, so either one of them!

Would you rather have the power to read minds or fly?: These both sound terrible. If I could fly I don’t think I’d go up very high and I think reading minds would make my anxiety worse...but also it would probably help a lot with patient care, so I guess that one.

I’ve no idea who’s done this since I haven’t been on much so forgive me if you’ve already been tagged. @whenshereads @rmd-writes @welcometololaland @decafdino @catanisspicy @jesuisici33 and anyone else that wants to do it!

[dreamy625]

This rockstar life - 4.1 Travelin' Band

So this is where the timeline really splits from reality, with Steve still in the band for the Adrenalize tour. Don’t worry about Viv, he'll be perfectly happy playing with Thin Lizzy or someone for a few years :)

Words: 4025 (sorry)

Content: Some mentions of alcohol

This rockstar life master list

----------------------------------------

== April 15th 1992 - Dublin ==

Dear Diary. Ah, I suddenly feel thirteen again! Kevin Peterson smiled at me in Geography, but I have three new spots and am totally gross so he must be blind. Blondie on Top of the Pops again…

Anyway, enough nostalgia. This will be my attempt to record for posterity our tour adventures April 1992 to… as yet undecided. Either for the biography I’m always threatening Steve I’m going to write about him, or just so that, when I’m an old lady, I can prove that I was once a cool rock chick (ha ha ha).

So I guess you’d call this the warm-up stage, although one club and then a massive stadium is a pretty weird warm-up! We're leaving for soundcheck in an hour or so, then they’re due on stage at 9pm. I’ve got to go and find Steve and try and make him eat something, but I’m rating my chances of success with that at about 1%. He’s been walking in circles round Joe’s garden since about 7am. I don’t think he’ll be hard to find, just follow the trail of cigarette butts. ----------------------------------------

McGonagles is surprisingly scruffy for such a famous venue. And small - Stevie looked like a tiger in a cage, pacing back and forth. I’ve seen the ‘In the round’ video of course, and a few bootlegs that Joe has a secret stash of, and the boy likes to move! Sav says in the early days he used to gallop around without looking and he had to take evasive action to avoid getting knocked off the stage! Happily no one went flying tonight though, and everything worked, and Joe only forgot the words once, and the crowd were insanely enthusiastic. So it was great. Surreal, but great!

And now I really must try and go to sleep, our flight’s pretty early in the morning. Sweetiepie’s already spark out and snoring - two nights of anxiety dreams and half a bottle of brandy will do that to a person.

Next stop, Wembley!

== 18th April - London, Wembley Stadium!! ==

Am I dreaming? I’ve dropped into a whole different world! I’ve just seen Elton John in a tracksuit!

== 19th April - London, Mookie Manor ==

I thought roller coasters usually warmed you up with a couple of gentle undulations before the ride got wild, but no, this one has gone straight for the big drop. I knew he got stagefright, and he was pretty twitchy at McGonagles, but this was a whole other level. He was okay yesterday - quiet, but you could see he was just concentrating really hard on remembering where he was supposed to be when, and getting the songs right obviously, but he could do that in his sleep.

Today though… I think it was seeing Robert Plant casually chatting with David Bowie and Roger Daltrey… he just went white, then grey, and rushed out of the marquee. Phil managed to haul him out of the gents loo in time for their stage runthrough, which went fine as far as I could tell, but then he vanished again and I couldn’t track him down. Backstage is crazy - there are dressing rooms and suchlike but, because there’s so many people, they’ve also brought in tents and portakabins and buses and there’s trucks and catering vans and flight cases all over - he could have been anywhere, so eventually I gave up looking because I was just getting in everyone’s way and went and watched the soundchecks from the press pit. Then Stacy appeared looking frantic and said ‘I think you’d better come, Steve’s…’. She didn’t even need to finish the sentence, I could guess and just asked where.

When I got to the hospitality tent, one of the roadies, Malcolm maybe, had him pinned up against a pillar. He’d drunk, I don’t know how much, presumably a lot, and apparently had started punching the wall, which had minimal effect since it was canvas, and then started on a table, and then taken a perfunctory swing at one of the bar staff when they’d tried to grab him. At which point Rick had run for Joe, and Stacy had found me. He was struggling against the arms holding him back, but went limp and hung his head when he saw me, instantly remorseful. I got him out of the marquee while everyone stared at us (you’d think this crowd, of all people, would be blasé about rockstar excess, but apparently we were still the afternoon’s entertainment) and into a taxi. All he said on the way back was ‘I can’t’ over and over. I’ve given him one of the pills he makes me look after so he won’t take a whole handful and he’s sleeping now.

Pretty scared about tomorrow. And it’s all going to be down to Joe and the boys - no hangers-on allowed backstage for the main event.

== 20th April - London, Mookie Manor ==

Wow. That was just. Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people in one place before! I don’t think I’ve seen so many people before full stop! They said 70,0000. And millions more watching on television apparently. To go from a few hundred people in that sweaty old club to this! Yesterday’s freakout looks like a pretty reasonable reaction now. And of course he was fine, better than fine. Like Joe said, the second he steps on the stage, he’s 100% rockstar. It’s just getting him on the stage that’s the struggle. Really, I don’t know how he does it. I don’t know how any of them do it. I would be so completely paralysed with terror at the mere suggestion of going out in front of that crowd. I guess that’s why I’m not a musician! Well that and a total lack of talent.

Joe, I think, had the best day of his life! Prancing around in front of a massive crowd in those union jack jeans (I don’t know where he finds these things), and then sharing a stage with Bowie, Ronno, and Ian Hunter - basically all his fanboy dreams come true. He acts so cool and confident most of the time and then suddenly his inner geeky little kid breaks through. He was bouncing up and down so much he was practically levitating with excitement! Stevie was not quite so exuberant but, once the adrenaline wore off, he was pretty mellow, just sitting quietly in the bar with a big grin on his face.

We’ve got a couple of days off now, and then he’s back to rehearsals and I’ve got a big pile of work I’ve been ignoring. This rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle is not quite as glamorous as I had been led to expect!

== 19th May - Madrid ==

So here we are, first night of the proper tour. I was going to start before and record the pre-tour prep. But it was just like packing for a holiday really. All the instruments go with the stage set-up, so you don’t have to worry about that. And even Steve’s stage clothes go in travel cases and are looked after by the wardrobe assistant - this one is called Susie, and Steve has already nicknamed her Susie Sew. She seems lovely, but she’s about seven feet tall and six inches wide, so I hate her! If I looked like that I’d be a model, not washing a load of sweaty t-shirts every night!

These are supposed to be more warm-up gigs, so small clubs with minimal publicity. It sold out the day it was announced though, so that’s good. The club is apparently known as ‘El templo del heavy’ - The Metal Temple - so I don’t know how Joe squares that with his ‘we’re not heavy metal’ claims!

== 20th May - Paris ==

I was too tired to write anything after the show last night, and then we had to get up early for the flight to Paris, but today’s a rest day so we can be tourists. I haven’t been here since the occasional weekend trip on le TGV in my TEFL days, but of course Steve and Phil lived here on and off for years. They reckon it hasn’t changed - I don’t think the Parisians would allow it to! We went to le Centre Pompidou, and we’re doing the Louvre tomorrow if there’s time before soundcheck.

Lunch was hilarious. I ordered for us en français without even thinking about it, and then noticed Stevie staring at me with his mouth open. He went ‘You speak French?!’ and I’m like duh, I’m a translator, you know that! Apparently it had never occurred to him that that meant I could speak in French as well! Actually my conversational French isn’t that good - I’m more used to formal French and it makes me sound like someone’s snooty grandma to real French people. But he looked genuinely impressed. Even after living in Paris for three years, all he’d learned to do was ask for beer and cigarettes, and he insisted on me teaching him. Which was fine to start with - he’s a good mimic and can do the accent way better than me - but then the more wine we drank, the louder and more animated he got, and other diners started to stare and mutter. Then, when the waiter was bringing us dessert, Steve jumped up and intercepted him and decided he was the waiter now, with the whole folded napkin over the arm thing and everything, then he started waving menus at the customers at nearby tables and gabbling at them in exaggerated franglais - think Manuel* but French instead of Spanish. Honestly I thought they were going to throw us out! I had to lure him back to the table with tarte au citron, which was delicious of course. And then we left a REALLY big tip.

== 24th May - Munich ==

Another night, another disreputable little club. Look at me, so nonchalant already! Not really, not even slightly bored of this yet. I get to watch Def Leppard every night, how cool is that! They still look weird to me on tiny little stages, but they sound great. And Steve’s doing pretty good. Remembering Joe’s only comment on the Wembley freak out - ‘He does this’ - I was worried we were going to have a repeat performance every night, but actually he’s been okay. He goes quiet an hour or two before showtime, and he can’t eat anything, and I think the temptation to break his vow not to drink before they go on is always there, but there’s enough bustle in the dressing room to distract him and, now they’re into a routine, he’s definitely steadier.

== 26th May - Milan ==

The boys head back to Germany today, but I’m going home because I’ve got project meetings. I’m trying to get everything set up before we go further afield - it’s one thing to make a hop back across the channel to meet clients, quite a different matter when you’re on a whole different continent! I hope Stevie’s going to be okay on his own. He’s a bit pouty but trying to be stoic about it. And Phil, bless him, is going to keep an eye on him. Also hope I’m going to be okay on my own! I’ve never flown by myself before. Also faintly terrified about the client meeting. Never done one where it’s my project, there’s always been a proper grown-up in charge before. What if I say something stupid? What if I open my mouth and all that comes out is one of those anxiety squeaks? No one's ever going to book me again :/

I know people tend to think of me as Steve's nursemaid, but they don't see how he has to look after me too. There's things he's totally cool about, like travelling, that freak me out, and having him with me makes it much less stressful. Also just emotionally, he's just the only person who calms me down. He finds that strange, that he could be calming to anyone. I don’t really know how to explain it; somehow, because he’s as messed up as I am, I feel safer with him than I ever have with anyone else? I'm trying not to stress, and hoping that medication and meditation will be enough, in the absence of soothing Steve hugs, to not dissolve into a puddle of anxiety. It’s only a week and then we’ll be back together. And in Sweden, which is cool. I’ve never been there. I asked him what it’s like but all he could remember was pickled fish and Abba. He’s got a thing for Frida - another redhead, surprise surprise!

== 5th June - Copenhagen ==

Forgot to document the other Scandinavian dates, oops. Basically another two good gigs with happy shouty audiences and not too many wrong notes. And pickled herring is disgusting! Anyway, we’re in Denmark now, which is very clean and tidy, and everyone speaks English. I have learned two words in Danish - tak, which means thank you, and puttemus, which means cuddle-mouse and is Steve’s new nickname (especially because he wrinkles his nose in disgust when I call him that!).

I’m writing this at tonight’s venue, which is really tiny - I think my school hall was bigger than this! Steve always says that touring isn’t really travelling - you just see a hotel, a stage, and a bar, and could be anywhere. I definitely see the truth in that now. I thought we’d have at least some spare time in the places we’re in for two or three days, but he has to do interviews and radio spots and photoshoots everywhere and barely gets a minute to himself. I’ve been getting to know some of the other wives/girlfriends a bit better though, and today we all went on a little excursion to Tivoli Gardens, which is an old-timey amusement park. Took some pictures of the old classic rides and pretty buildings, but didn’t really fancy going on a wooden rollercoaster.

== 6th June - Roskilde airport ==

Oh god, so hungover. After the show we ended up going to a strip club as they stay open later than the bars. I have limited experience of such things, but it seemed kind of wholesome compared with the only one I’ve been in before, in London. Feel like maybe I should disapprove on feminist principle, but really if women want to make a bunch of money off men by writhing around on a stage in their knickers, that’s their own business. Also I was secretly thrilled to finally see some of this rock ‘n’ roll debauchery I’ve heard so much about! There’s this Danish liqueur made from cherries that they make cocktails with. It tastes like jam. And fun fact, when you drink too much of it, you throw up pink. Not looking forward to getting on this plane one little bit.

One more of these small club gigs then we’re back to Blighty and start getting into bigger places, arenas and such like. The boys are all very excited that they will finally get to play with their new in-the-round stage. This time the drum riser literally rises, ten feet in the air, as well as spinning round, which totally doesn’t sound like a deathtrap, honest!

== 15th June - Dublin ==

Back in the Emerald Isle and chez Joe. We’ve come over a few days early so the boys can, in the eternal quest to produce an album in less than three years, record some demos in Joe’s studio. I’m not sure how much actual music-making is happening, they seem to be using the majority of the time to play golf (mostly Joe and Sav), run up hills (mostly Phil), reacquaint themselves with obscure Irish brands of cigarettes (mostly Steve), and of course drink Guinness (everyone except Phil, and me because it is disgusting - yes, I am a traitor to my Irish ancestry!). There has also been a lot of reminiscing about when they lived here after the Pyromania tour, including visits to Booterstown and Belville House, where Steve, Phil, and Rick used to live (and which is now painted pink and looks like a birthday cake and about as un-rock ‘n’ roll as you could possibly get).

== 20th June - a plane somewhere over the Irish sea ==

Brilliant gig! Everyone sounded great, the stage and lighting looked amazing, and everything worked - all the fancy moving bits did what they were supposed to, and no one got flung off the drum riser! We couldn’t sleep at all last night, we were so hyper, bouncing around Joe’s kitchen at 4am until he came down and shouted at us to shut up! I think he’s happy his role as a hotelier is over - this morning he was muttering about it being like having raccoons living in his house!

== 21st June - Glasgow ==

Fucking freezing! It’s June! It’s meant to be summer?! How do people live here? Steve likes it. Must be his Northern upbringing. Freak.

== 24th June - Sheffield ==

Hometown gigs! Bit of a weird part of the tour actually. Most of the boys are thrilled to see their families and old friends - they had to make a VIP section twice the size of normal to fit them all in - but it’s been difficult for Steve. He hadn’t seen his parents since that horrible Christmas two years ago, but he couldn’t not invite them to the gig, so it was pretty awkward. Of course everyone was perfectly polite, we were in public afterall, but you could see the distance between them. I think Barry’s still angry, and Beryl obviously just misses him. She hugged him so tight, and didn’t want to let go. I know they all used to be so close, well, the boys and Beryl and the two grandmas anyway, so I’d hope they can get that back. But Steve doesn’t even look like part of his family anymore, and you can really hear how his accent has softened when he’s surrounded by proper working class Yorkshiremen. Not exactly a peacock among pigeons, but maybe a dove. He feels it too and it makes him really sad. He blames himself, but I’m not sure how you could stay tied to your roots while living such a vastly different life to the people you’ve left behind?

He doesn’t really even like being back in the city; he feels watched, like everyone knows him and is judging him for having ideas above his station. That period when they first got their record deal and people called them sell-outs and actually spat at them in the street has left deep wounds. There were a lot of problems with the sound last night, which was unfortunate, but it has provided Steve with an excuse not to see people or do local media - Joe and Sav are doing the interviews (wearing their team shirts of course - thank gods it’s the off-season or they’d be bickering about it endlessly!) - while he and Phil are here ostensibly helping to get the sound sorted out. Actually they’re just drinking a lot of tea and taking the piss out of Malvin, but it’s keeping him distracted from brooding which is the main thing. To be honest, I’ll be glad when this is done and we head back down south.

== 25th June - London, Mookie Manor ==

Back home again for a few days. Very convenient having Earl’s Court Arena basically just down the road from our house. Phil, Jacki, and Rory are staying over. We had to spend the evening building their bed as it had been sat in bits in boxes ever since Steve bought the house. Had to borrow spanners off the neighbours.

Rory has got so big and is into everything. It must be over a year since we saw him and Jacki as they mostly stayed in America while the boys were recording. I have no idea what to do with kids - they’re just loud and sticky agents of chaos to me - but Steve is really good with him. They’ve been playing hide and seek, and driving matchbox cars round the living room, and now Steve’s upstairs reading him a story. It’s really sweet. I wish… no I don’t wish, because we just couldn’t, for everyone’s sake. But in some ways, he really would make a great dad.

== 26th June - London, Earl’s Court ==

Very proud of the boys today - they won the Silver Clef award for outstanding contribution to British music! We had to go to the presentation lunch at the InterContinental Hotel on Park Lane. It’s super-fancy, inside at least, but unfortunately was built in the 1970’s so is a hideous concrete box. Kind of terrifying - they took pictures of all of us when we arrived and I did not know what to do with my face, I was trying to hide behind Stevie as much as possible. And he ate most of my lunch so the waiters wouldn’t look at me funny.

Really looking forward to the gig tonight. This is the biggest one so far, I think the biggest one until we get to America? Phil’s mum is coming and we’re going to sit together. She’s such a sweetheart - you can tell where he gets his golden retriever personality from!

== 30th June - Birmingham, NEC ==

Second of three nights here as the ticket sales have been so good. Not the most glamorous of venues though! And I’m so glad we have drivers to ferry us around - I would die if I had to navigate Birmingham’s road system! One thing in the NEC’s favour though is that it has got really good business facilities. I have a mountain of work to get finished before we go to Australia, ugh. Steve was a little bit sulky when I said I had to work the whole time, but he does understand really. Phil has taken him to the gym today, so I’ll look forward to hearing how that went :)

The bigger venues they’ve been doing on this leg do make such a difference to the experience, now I'm seeing Leppard as I know them from videos. And Steve is unleashed! He runs around like a greyhound, doing all his signature moves. It's really… I feel ridiculous writing this, but really sexy! Not that I didn't fancy him like mad already, but ‘Stage Steve’ is a very different animal. I think it's the confidence, even a little bit of arrogance, and the power he has over the audience. He’s just… magnificent! I haven't worked out yet if it's entirely put on, just a performance, or if it's tapping into a part of his personality that's usually buried. I'm not sure he knows himself. Either way it’s really quite something! And I knew the tight jeans were an essential component of that outfit…

Argh, stop thinking about that! Got to concentrate on the blasted book! Les deadlines ne sont pas optionnels!

== 3rd July - Belfast ==

So King’s Hall is the last UK gig. It’s a really cool building - Art Deco with an arched roof over the main hall. It’s not all that big though, so there was a lot of worrying about whether the in-the-round set-up would fit. It does, and it should be a great show for the audience because most of them will be so close to the stage. I’m going to watch from up on the balcony to get the full experience (I’ve always been in the VIP section or the press pit, which of course is amazing, but they’ve always said this show is designed for the people in the cheap seats at the back!).

After this, we've got a few days back at home, time to do laundry and repack for hot weather, then we fly out to Australia on the 7th. Another new place and the longest flight I’ve ever done - well, flights plural as you have to do it in two hops. Steve’s really excited, which is so cute. And I think he’s even excited about going on a tour bus again, although he grumbles about it; he keeps telling me stories of their escapades on the High ‘n’ Dry tour. This all still doesn’t seem fully real to me; I feel like I'm inside an MTV rockumentary!

----------------------------------------

*Fawlty Towers reference

[halfmoon-ie]

Under a blackened night sky, the city lights were too abundant for the stars to shine. I raced the streets on a motorcycle up a steep and busy street. Once I reached the top, I smiled because I knew the thrill of going down hill would be worth the climb. But as I rode down the hill, I lost control of my motorbike and maneuvered in and out of cars, trying to dodge death. On either side of the street stretched with woods, in which I clash into and fall off my bike. I remember tumbling down before knocking out and becoming blanketed with darkness. When I awaken, the silhouette of a person stands near me. I blink a few times and become aware of the pain that shoots through my entire body. The shadow in front of me comes into view, a handsome man, perhaps in his mid twenties. He is well-built, a quiver strapped over his shoulder with a bow in his left hand. I can make out that he has long hair that spills over his shoulders. He leans in closer and heaves me up. 

“Are you alright?” He asks. Dazed, I nod and look at my arms. They’re bruised and bloodied as I had guessed from the thunderous throbbing I felt from head to toe. I guess I must have kissed the darkened earth a little too hard. I get up onto my feet and see that the stranger has started to walk away. “Follow me. If you want to survive.” I do as suggested and see that we’re on a dirt path, curving upwards, on a hill. Here, the stars are like crystals lighting up the forest. The moon lays ahead, very close to the hill where we’re beginning to climb. I see a string of houses with light illuminating through their windows carefully dotting the hillside. 

“Where am I?” I look out to both sides of me and don’t see the lights of the street I fell from, nor did I hear the existence of cars driving by. I examine what I can make out of the draping moonlight, and see that the stranger kept his hair quite long and wore strange clothing. I struggle to keep up with him, limping with pain shooting up and down my leg and back.. The night is still and the only noise that is being echoed is the earth and fallen leaves underneath our footsteps as well as the hard breathing exhuming from myself. He does not answer my question and continues on. 

After what it felt like an eternity of walking, we reached a fairly large hut with a medium sized shed on the outside. It started to lightly drizzle as we had been walking and became soaked. My wounds screamed underneath the icy coldness and from the way my damp clothes clung to my skin. The man turns to me, a slight smirk on his lips while pointing to the woodshed beside the hut. 

“Woman. Sleep in there tonight, if you want to stay alive.” He lets out a soft chuckle before opening his hut and walks in without a second glance at me. I was out of breath and opened my mouth to oppose his instructions. I wanted a warm place to stay, so I followed him into his home. I am met with a loud growl that sends me toppling to the ground. A white tiger sat beside the man, who was sitting in his enormous bed, now shirtless. He laughs heartily and extends a hand to pet the white tiger. “This is why I told you to sleep in the shed, woman. He might think I’ve brought him a snack...” Startled, I began scooting backwards and bumping into something. I turn to look up at what had stopped me, and find myself gazing upward at this new stranger. This one much younger than the man that led me here; but the resemblance between the two were uncanny. They were most likely brothers.

“What is this creature you’ve brought back?” The man bends down and gets close to me, his breath hot against my face. I moved away, surprised by his curiosity and poor knowledge of personal space. 

“This is a woman.” The younger one smiles and reaches a hand out to touch my hair, seemingly intrigued. 

“A woman? Like the ones we’ve heard about in the stories?” 

And this is where I wake up. It was quite an odd dream, but a very interesting one. If I could continue it, that would be great. But the chances of that ever happening is quite slim, as my mind has not been able to produce a good coherent dream in a while.

signed, moon 🌙

** drawing credits go back to original artists.

[dr4kenlvr]

can i 💤 in ur bed, i sh!tted in mine lol

pairing: most of the toman boys x gn!reader (separate)

genre: crack/humour (writing this was so wack help)

request: Hey I hope you had a good day. I don’t know if you’re taking requests or not but if you are ... may I request a headcanon of tokrev guys reacting to reader saying “hey can I sleep in your bed I shit in mine”? (Based on a tiktok)

a/n: HELPPPPP this is so funny im dying imagining the look on ken's face,, also i did a mini scenario-like format to fit more boys in, hope that's alright! (they're basically smushed together headcanons) + um,, lots of swearing!! nana has a huge pottymouth but so do these boys

you've been meaning to pull this prank on him for a while, ever since you saw that tiktok. walking down the path to his room, you could barely supress your laughter. you creak open his door, standing there with a still expression before telling him, "hey.. can i sleep in your bed? i shit in mine."

mikey: he rubs his eyes and yawns at your sudden appearance at his door. this mf probably didn't hear you the first time, so he just goes "huh?" when you repeat yourself, his ears perk up and his eyes widen and he just bursts out laughing because what the fuck did you just say?? he's still laughing, moving the blanket over and pats down the place next to him. "you weirdo.."

draken: grumbles and rolls over at the intrusion, he stills for a moment before he processes what you just said. he sits up, "you what?" "i shit-" "no, be quiet, i heard you" he's looking at you with a face that could only be described as stanky and annoyed. (HELPPPP) either way he scooches over, but lays back down, not bothering to say anything else. the man is tired.

takemitchi: he definitely didn't hear you at first, honestly got scared when he woke up to someone at his door like that. you tell him again, and he just "HUH? YOU- YOU WHAT?" he sits up, and asks if you need help cleaning. "you'd do that for me? you'd help me clean my shit? he stumbles on his words, "well i mean... i don't really want to.."

baji: "huh?" he's looking at you with the most confused face ever, eyes squinting at the sudden light. you repeat your words. he just looks at you for a moment, looking at the clock and back at you. you stand there waiting for a response. finally he says, "that's fucking gross, y/n... get in."

chifuyu: he's passed out, so you gotta shake him up to tell him that you shitted in your bed. "wha.. what? what do you mean you shitted in your bed?-" he pauses, then sniffs his nose "huh, i guess you really did." you smack him gently, "stop omg i was joking!" he grins at you, bedhair and all, "me too babe- you smell great don't worry!"

kazutora: he is.. shocked to say the least. just looking at you like :o because it's so random. "um,, okay?" "that's it? just okay? so i can sleep with you?" you give him hopeful eyes. he looks around, "i mean i guess, but don't get shit stains on my bed, my mom will literally kill me."

mitsuya: "sorry love? did you just say you shitted in your bed?" you nod, shuffling your feet around for emphasis. "well.. did you clean it up yet?" you shake your head, "i was wondering if i could sleep in your bed.. and maybe you could help me clean it up..." "no." "huh?" "no, go to sleep y/n." mitsuya is tired of your shit, and hakkai's shit.

peh-yan: "HUH?? YOU WHAT IN YOUR BED?" you almost broke the act right then and there, i mean- when he's standing there in a white tank and tiger boxers, looking out of his mind, how could you compose yourself? "yeah ryohei.. could i sleep with you?" "fuck no, no, let's go clean it, what the fuck."

smiley: he looks at you like -o- for a while,, until a huge smile appears on his face and he just goes: "get out then you smelly bitch!"

taglist: @dai-tsukki-desu @faetarou (send an ask or dm to be added)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Kalim and Jamil, 🐍, platonic

Oops, this one became kind of longish 😅

Order Up!

Typically when Jamil was roused in the middle of the night, it was for one of two reasons: either one of the many animals in Kalim’s menagerie was roaming about, or an assassin was afoot. A crash or a bump in the night only spelled trouble for him. He had learned to arm himself with his magical pen before answering to any suspicious sounds.

But when Jamil cracked open his bedroom door, he found no tiger or killer standing before him. Instead, a smiling boy in silk pajamas, stared back. His eyes glittered like garnets.

“Kalim.” Jamil relaxed slightly, but maintained a defensive stance. “What are you doing at my doorstep at this time of night?”

“Ahahah, sorry! I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d take a walk around Scarabia until I was tired again.”

“You shouldn’t be doing that. Someone could have easily slipped in and ended your life while you were alone.”

“I guess it’s a good thing that I ended up wandering to your room then, Jamil!!” He laughed off the thought of death so naturally. His boisterous voice carried down the empty corridors, an eerie call upon the desert winds. “Cuz I know you’d never hurt me.”

Debatable. Jamil bit back his sarcasm.

“I’ll escort you back to your chambers,” he stated firmly.

“Actually! I was hoping I could chill in your room for the rest of the night, Jamil!”

“Excuse me?” The vice dorm leader frowned and folded his arms. “Is now really the time for that?”

“I think so! I really miss the sleepovers we used to have as kids! Now that we’ve got our own rooms in Scarabia, we never get to have them anymore,” Kalim blabbed. “Remember the time your sister joined us and we took turns braiding your hair? Oh, and the time we tried making our own popcorn with fire magic!! And...”

“Kalim.” Jamil cut him off. His gaze was quiet and analytical. “You had a nightmare, didn’t you?”

At this, Kalim fell silent. His smile wobbled, as did his voice. “... Ahahah. I knew I couldn’t fool you, Jamil. I even did my best to try and look strong, too.”

“You wear your emotions on your sleeve.” Jamil took a step back and to the side, waving a hand. “... Well? You wanted to come in, so come. It’s safer in here than in the hallway.”

A bit of Kalim’s pep returned to him as he crossed the threshold, the door shutting behind him. He quickly acclimated himself to the space, cozying up on the carpeted floor while hugging a cushion to his chest. Jamil joined him, sitting crossed-legged across from his dorm leader.

In the silence, he dared to ask another question.

“... What happened?”

“It was a snake,” Kalim replied. “A big one—as big as a building. Maybe even bigger than that. I was... I was trapped in a huge hourglass. Sand was tipping onto me. I looked, and I saw you there.

“The snake, it...” He stopped himself to gulp down the lump in his throat. “It wrapped itself around you, and it squeezed so hard that you...”

Kalim couldn’t complete his thought. Searing tears formed in the corners of his eyes, and he didn’t stop them from flowing down his cheeks.

“I banged and banged on the glass, but it wouldn’t break. I was right there, and I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t help you when you needed me the most, and you... you died.”

“... I see.”

Kalim hugged his cushion tighter, his nails digging into its plush fabric. The tassels coiled against him.

“It was just a dream. As you can see, I’m very much alive and well.”

Kalim laughed shakily. “You don’t know how relieved I was to see you.”

“And you have no idea how much of a heart attack you nearly gave me.” Jamil heaved a sigh.

Honestly... What sort of person cares less for their own safety than that of others? I will never understand how your mind works.

Again, he held his tongue, swallowed his viper’s venom.

“I’m here, Kalim. It’s fine. You can rest with ease.”

“But you might not be tomorrow. Because of me, you might go away.”

Jamil said nothing. There was no need to—the space between them was flooded with memories. Poisoned meals, assassination attempts, blood spilled, sacrifices made.

Duty bound.

“I won’t go away. Of that, I am certain. I’ll always be with you.”

Whether I want to or not.

They were simple words, and a harsh truth. Words that made his heart ache—yet they brought a smile to Kalim’s face.

Foolish, ignorant Kalim’s face.

“... Thanks, Jamil. You always know what to say to make me feel better!” He grinned through his tears.

“Of course.” Jamil offered a rehearsed line in return. “But now the hour is late, and the time for chatter has long since passed. You should sleep.”

He nodded to his bed. “You can use that.”

“Okay! I’ll join you!!”

“... Join me? No, I will take the floor—”

“Then I’ll take the floor too!”

“HUH?!”

Kalim blinked back innocently. “Isn’t it obvious that at a sleepover, you’ve gotta sleep right next to your friends?”

“That was when we were children.”

“There’s no law that says we can’t, though! Come on, Jamil! It’ll be fun!! Just like the good old days!!”

“I don’t...”

“Pleeeease? Pretty, pretty please?

The vice dorm leader rubbed at his temples. “... Fine. If it will get you to calm down, then...”

“Yay!! You’re the best, Jamil!!”

Kalim hurried to the bed collect the blankets and more pillows, making his hands heavy with a tangle of fabrics. A moment of hesitation later, Jamil appeared to assist. The colors and patterns wove together in their arms, wrapping around them like serpent’s scales.

A soft, coiled embrace for them both as they fell deep into the night.

[onp4012]

Pick a Card: How Can I Feel More Free?

Many of you have requested this reading so who am I to not do it. Pick one of the pictures from above to get a message about how can you feel more free. Pick no more than 2 piles.

feel free to suggest PAC ideas in the inbox!

Please like and reblog 〽️

©onenormalperson4012

here’s the masterlist

Pile 1

9C, Temperance, 6C, 2P, 8W, 7S

I feel like most of the people who chose pile one are either teens, either very hard working adults who struggle financially at the moment. If you’re a teen, I feel like your parents might have some issues regarding money and they also tend to be a bit controlling over your life. Perhaps this is the reason why you’re reading this right now, because your parents are the way they are. It seems like you are on a diet or a journey to lose weight and you feel a bit overwhelmed, some of you might actually starve themselves in order to lose weight. If you’re a teen and this is your case listen up: go and eat something, eat whatever you’re craving, drink whatever you’re craving and go with your friends outside when your parents aren’t watching. Stop trying to fake your personality only to please your parents. Now, if you’re an adult who struggles financially, try to manage your money better or try an alternative way of making money. The lack of money is what doesn’t allow you to feel free so just do whatever your instinct says you should do. Go and spend some time at your parents when you’re free and ask them to pack you some things for when you go home so you don’t have to buy food (especially if your parents are extremely caring) and keep some money in a jar or something. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, don’t be afraid to tell yourself “I can’t do this anymore, I need something new”. Also, you are allowed to be goofy sometimes. Just because you’re an adult it doesn’t mean you have to be as serious as a rock 🪨, like, chill. Go spend some time with your friends if you believe your parents aren’t a great source of support.

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Pile 2

World, 10W, 2S, Death, 7P, 7W

Go outside, travel a little, say what’s on your mind because no one can guess what the fuck you’re thinking about. The world isn’t such a cute place in which everyone is an empath and all that fairytale bs, and you know it, but you keep on hoping someone will understand what you’re going through. You need to learn how to defend your own ass in the world. You might be students who are facing bullying. Don’t be afraid to hit back if that’s the case. Go and spend some time by yourself, go and rest more because I sense that most of you guys have issues sleeping and falling asleep. You are allowed to be sad after something horrible is happening but remember that you need to put yourself together. You’re like a Lego set, you used to be a whole at some point and then you got slowly ripped into pieces, now you’re being gifted to someone and that someone is actually your true self who has to put itself back together. Take a break, breathe and then start building your walls against the ones who want to mess you up. Become the tiger/tigress your need to become. Change yourself into better because if you don’t, then no one will be able to change you. Just after, you will become strong and you will be able to feel more free. It’s just something you need to go through in order to become again the master of your own world. So take your weapons and become that one person you’re wishing to become and stop pitying yourself because it doesn’t help.

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Pile 3

Tower, Hierophant, 6C, Sun, 4C, QOP

Some of y’all could be stuck in toxic relationships and you don’t know how to get out of them or you’re afraid that something bad might happen if you do. There is a minority of you who are currently married and have a kid and they don’t want to divorce because they’re afraid they will become single parents. There is also a minority of you who have children and are not married yet. You feel like this relationship isn’t very fulfilling, do you? You need to be true to yourself and understand that if this person is too controlling over you, or if this person is too rough with you, or tries to shape you in anyway, they’re not your person. They ain’t the one, so get lost. Don’t try to fix yourself anymore, just leave them. Your soulmate is waiting for you somewhere else but cannot come into your life if you are stuck with this maggot. Tell your current partner (if that’s the case) to fuck off because all they do is to cause you to suffer, they never helped you, really. This pile will not resonate for the most of you, but for the people who are in situations like this. If you don’t resonate with this reading then it’s not your pile, so go pick another pile. Go spend time with your siblings if you miss them so much. Ask your sister for advice if you have one. Just remember, you need to rebuild everything in order to feel free.

—————————————————

Pile 4

7S, QOS, POW, Star, QOP, KOC

Some of you have been cheated on recently and are now suffering after their exes, others have been betrayed by someone you really cared about and now you became very closed off. Others have thought of having a new partner but it doesn’t seem to work the way you wish it would work. My point is, you don’t need anybody to feel free, the only person who you need in order to feel free is yourself. You don’t need to get into pointless relationships out of boredom or loneliness, you don’t need to force yourself to love someone you don’t love, because this is only taking your energy away. Don’t worry, your Prince Charming will soon come into your life, so yeah stop forcing yourself and stop fantasizing marrying the wrong people. Get yourself hobby, get to know yourself first before giving yourself to someone else. Getting into relationships without knowing yourself will only make you feel lonelier. You can read some of Jung’s books, it could help you understand yourself better. You also tend to get into relationships because you don’t love yourself and you want to know that someone loves you. Read some of Carl Jung’s books, trust me, his books really help. If you find Carl Jung boring, then I have a book for you, it’s called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” and it will help you understand how life works. I’ve read this book last year and since I’ve started seeing that life isn’t as complex as it seems and that all the people who have high expectations of us aren’t usually giving a shit about our feelings. So yeah, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life” by Mark Manson.

—————————————————

Pile 5

KNOC, Moon, 8W, High Priestess, Death, 5W

(Y’all’s guides really wanted me to use the normal Rider Waite Tarot Deck and this deck tends to sugarcoat stuff, so some of you might be in a not so fortunate situation)

I feel like the most of you who picked this pile are tarot readers or are somehow involved with the occult and are dried because they’ve made too many readings. Doing readings is tiring, Ik that for sure. if you’re tarot reader and you’ve been doing readings which dried you off energy then this is your sign to chill and take some time to charge your batteries. I feel like some friend here will pick this pile haha. Anyway, if you are not involved in the occult, then you need to trust your intuition and go with the flow and stop trying to force the universe to give things which aren’t good for you. Magic and normally, the occult plays a big role here. I got a headache rn, goddamn chill. Some of you have been cursed. Meditate and relax if that’s the case. I’m feeling numb right now, so please take some time and rest. Put the phone down and take a nap. Disconnect from the internet and just recharge your batteries because if you don’t you’ll end up feeling dried for a couple of weeks and ask yourself why. Don’t force your energy and just focus on yourself. If you want to feel free, then free yourself from this part time job/role you chosen to take. Even I take breaks (that’s why readings take so long lol, Ik it ain’t convenable for the impatient querents but I’m not gonna dry myself off for no reason). I believe you got my point, so I believe I’ll be continuing this PAC.

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Pile 6

KOW, QOS, AOC, Judgement, 6C, KNOC

This is your sign to tell your crush you like them. I feel like you’ve been holding your feelings for too long and now it gets tiring. You need to tell your crush you like them because most likely they will like you back. Stop worrying if you are lovable or not, or if your crush will like you or not. They really think you’re cute, so don’t be afraid to tell them you like them. I get that you’re insecure and that you’re afraid they might get your heart broken or that you may come across as a fool, but that’s not the case, they think you’re very smart. Some of you might be soulmates so why not try and see where this can go? Some of you might have a crush but don’t want to have a relationship with them because you’re anxious and afraid that your crush might not be who they pretend they are. You need to pour your soul out, on a piece of paper, perhaps, to feel more free. If you don’t have a crush though, then you need to tell your friends what bothers you and stop pretending everything is OK when it isn’t, your friends will understand that. You might have some overwhelming feelings at the moment, you have to express them. Many of you most likely have many Aquarius placements and feel awkward when expressing your sadness or fear or love. If you don’t want to tell your feelings then write them down because holding them in won’t help you with anything, they will become just a burden.

—————————————————

Pile 7

Empress, Sun, 8P, Death, KNOS, Devil

You need to stop focusing on your fails because they don’t make up who you are. Failures are only unfortunate events, they aren’t meant to describe your life, you need to focus on what you’re proud of. You have to try to leave the past behind because you’re no longer living in the past, so stop looking at your demons, stop judging yourself so much, stop arguing with yourself or others if it’s not the case. You need to make this change in order to feel more free. You guys tend to go through many awkward situations where you feel like a total fool to the point where you get so embarrassed you don’t want to get out of the house. Yeah, fuck it. I know it sucks but no one will really remember those moments anyway. Live your life like it isn’t something important because life isn’t meant to be something taken seriously. stop being so defensive, stop being so embarrassed of making yourself like shit, so instead of being disappointed of yourself try laughing, it’s a good way to cope with those awkward moments. Realize that the people who are laughing aren’t laughing at you, they’re laughing with you, so yeah, stop taking life so seriously and try being more friendly with the people around you. If you want to feel free then leave the worries behind, this is what you have to do in order to feel free.

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I hope it resonated and I’ll be continuing to do pick a card readings and I’ll see you next time. Bye bye

[squeakygeeky]

Aaaand it’s Wednesday! Someone on reddit was hosting actual Unforgotten Night bingo and I should have participated because were 3 sec in and there’s already running water. He is actually seen turning it off though. A miracle.

Anyway, it’s time for the fancy pool house vacation with everyone. It’s pretty par for the course that Kim immediately ditches Kamol to go swim with Baiboon (and all the bodyguards). At least he wanted to hold hands with Kamol on the plane. But again, where is the BDSM in the trashy BDSM show? I need something to mock for the internet! Kamol just watches while drinking tea. Baiboon almost immediately manages to hurt himself while getting out of the pool because of course he does.

At least this time he has Khom tending to him as is right and proper.

Baiboon was trusted to carry two (2) drinks several feet across a patio?? What show am I watching?

Not Kim wanting to sleep with Baiboon! Except the only way I imagine this scenario going is, “Baiboon, let’s gossip about boys! Do you need a glass of warm milk? Let me tuck you in, here is your teddy bear.”

Wait, Khom and Baiboon are actually sleeping together? Yes, but not like that either. They appear to just be sharing a room, but who knows. Unlike:

What? I mean, I knew to expect this because I am in no way avoiding UN spoilers (if the show itself can’t spoil my enjoyment, how can anything else?), but still. It is completely out of nowhere that they other random bodyguards start hooking up in the shower. All three (3) of them.

Also Baiboon’s aunt (the housekeeper) has been here the whole time and is apparently just happy to have been asked along for this trip despite the fact that she’d actually working, unlike anyone else I could name (not that I can name the 3 horny bodyguards).

Hey hey hey I guess we finally are getting BDSM in the BDSM show. This seems unwise from the perspective of slipperiness, structural integrity of the plumbing, and the drinking contest (with wine?) they just had. But what would UN be without running water?

Safe and sane left the building a while ago.

Anyway, that kind of action over, we see some actual action in the form of Cherry and her earrings being kidnapped, and a gunfight at the vacation house (in the pool for some reason) that Kim totally sleeps through. Kamol watches him sleep while taking nutritional supplements, as one does.

Kim finally gets to cook for his man, and I’m hungry despite having eaten lunch while watching this, except then there’s a fly in the shot because of course there is. Like a big one and then also a little gnat thing that keeps trying to fly into Kamol’s eye. Also Baiboon accidentally sees Khom naked, thus spotting his back injury, which is an excuse to get all up in his business. And who could blame him, Khom is the best looking in this show.

Time to go home. Somehow Kamol’s ex is in their bed. I guess that’s what happens when you bring all your bodyguards on vacation and don’t have a halfway decent home security system that relies on something other than live tigers.

Looking forward to next week, whose preview promises the drama but whose actuality will probably once again bring a slightly random series of events that I will nonetheless be heavily invested in.

[archived-kin]

you go to a devildom zoo and a penguin attempts to seduce you (the brothers are not happy)

note from kin: this was meant to be out way sooner but covid-19 and a whole lot of catch-up coursework said no to that idea >:(

anyway formatting on mobile is actual ass so let me know if this ends up unreadable!

enjoy, darlings!

fandom: obey me!

character(s): gn!reader, lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, belphegor, diavolo (mentioned briefly)

pairing(s): demon brothers/reader, penguin/reader (one-sided), a bat also very briefly tries to seduce you

warning(s): reader really loves deadly creatures which i know isn't really a warning but just as a heads up for those who can't relate i guess??? also this is ended up WAY longer than i intended lmao

genre: fluff (but also crack)

oh the pure joy you felt when you found out that there are zoos in the devildom

zoos full of sphinxes, chimeras, hydras, krakens, manticores, basilisks and griffins, but zoos nonetheless

in fact, you’d argue that the fact that the zoos here are full of potentially lethal legendary beasts is even COOLER

so, naturally, you begged lucifer to let you go to one

his response?

“absolutely not, you could be killed.”

well now that’s just unfair

there are so many things down here in the devildom that could kill you! the heat, the food, the dragons just wandering around in the skies, your fellow students at rad, belphie, not sleeping enough, the stupidly narrow staircases, lucifer himself! in fact, you’d argue that lucifer has already come close to killing you more times than any of those creatures at the zoo

unfortunately that was entirely was the wrong thing to say because now lucifer’s gone all broody on you

you just KNOW he’s gonna spend all of next week either drowning himself in work or sulking in the music room if you don’t cheer him up quickly

so you guess it’s time to pull out the puppy eyes and hope that they work

spoiler alert: they do. you also end up being stuck in lucifer’s arms for about five hours afterwards as he cuddles out all of his negative thoughts, but that’s not a bad thing, so you’re not complaining

the next day, however, you are BACK on your bullshit

and you are back with a vengeance!

you are getting a trip to that zoo whether lucifer likes it or not and you will not rest until you succeed

your first idea is to go to diavolo for help because.... he’s diavolo and lucifer would listen to that demon before anyone, including himself

unfortunately that doesn’t work because diavolo is out on a business trip to the human world with barbatos

(which means your butler buddy, who could probably have helped you make your case, is also out of the picture)

you suppose that you could try getting simeon in on the scheme but you’re pretty sure he’d end up making it worse with his insatiable penchant for teasing lucifer

your final solution?

cry

and it worked a treat too!

lucifer is just a sucker for his human and he doesn’t like seeing them sad okay :((

he finally agrees to let you go to the big zoo just north of RAD since it’s directly under diavolo’s jurisdiction, but he also makes you promise that you’ll take at least one brother with you

(he’s hoping you’ll choose him)

but then you uno reverse card him!

jokes on you, lucifer, your human wants a family day out!!

lucifer would be lying if his heart didn’t swell slightly when you proclaimed you wanted all the brothers to come with you so that you could all spend the day together having fun

although you may have just made a mistake because now lucifer is going to do everything in his power to make sure the day goes perfectly, and if that means smiting the rude demon in line in front of you, then what about it?

(luckily you stop him from the killing someone before you’re even inside, but it was a close call)

the moment the eight of you step into the zoo satan whisks you off to look at the devildom equivalent of big cats

which means the sphinxes and manticores first, then the giant fire-breathing tigers

he’s planning to have a nice heart-to-heart conversation with you while the two of you stroll along the exhibit, but then you both get distracted by how cool the animals are

so the two of you just end up dragging each other back and forth to look at one creature after another

not the romantic scene satan initially had in mind, but he’d be lying if he said this wasn’t also absolutely perfect

holding your hand while you talk enthusiastically about how majestically that manticore leapt thirty feet into the air with your entire face lighting up like the most beautiful lantern in the world? stunning. outstanding. he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

meanwhile, back at the entrance, levi is sulking, mammon is fuming, beel is already stuffing himself with overpriced food stall delicacies, belphie has crawled under a bench to nap while he waits for you to come back, asmo is taking pictures with the extra long-legged flamingo billboard, and lucifer is so preoccupied with trying to figure out just how the hell the walking system here works that he hasn’t even noticed that you and satan have just disappeared into the void

in the end the remaining brothers split off into pairs, all agreeing that whoever is the first to find you and satan will get to have some one-on-one time with you next

and, drumroll please, that lucky pair turns out to be... beel and belphie!

(really they have an unfair advantage though since beel can smell out anyone he knows from a mile away)

meanwhile satan has just spent just about all of the grimm he brought with him on a hideously overpriced plush version of the manticore you were so fascinated with

but the smile on your face when he gives it to you?? the LIGHT that exudes from you when you declare that the plush’s name is now greenie because it has green eyes just like his?? worth it. absolutely worth it.

but uh oh, the moment is soon to be gone, because guess who’s here?

beel and belphie can’t let satan have all your attention! beel is a little more forgiving, but belphie is going to make sure he’s the first to get a kiss today, anti-lucifer club alliance be damned!

he’s not going to admit that of course. instead, he’s going to very subtly hip-bump satan out of the way so that he can hold your hand instead (beel can have the other hand, but if he tries to pull you away, he’s getting what-for.)

normally satan would be pretty miffed by this, but hey, he’s in a good mood right now and he doesn’t want to spoil the day by getting pissy, so he lets the twins get away with it. younger sibling privilege, am I right?

belphie wants to take you to his particular favourite exhibit here, the giant carnivorous cattle with horns the size of chair legs

beel, on the other hand, suggests that maybe you don’t want to see a gargantuan mammal tear apart a giant piece of meat that may or may not have been sourced from a human graveyard (the giant carnivorous cattle are picky, okay? at least they’re not murdering people for the meat)

you, however, are absolutely fearless

besides, what harm can a giant carnivorous cattle with horns the side of chair legs do to you when it’s being kept behind six inches of hellfire trench, with three of the devildom’s most powerful demons close by to swoop in to your rescue?

beel begrudgingly agrees to go see the giant carnivorous cattle, but makes you promise to stay slightly behind him so that he can jump to defend you should they get out of hand

your big strong demon standing in front of you, protecting you as you get to look at a super cool and also deadly creature? you are absolutely on board with this.

(satan is slightly concerned by your willingness to go near creatures that could tear you to pieces in a second, but if he gets to see you smile like that again then... well, what can he say, he’s a simp)

so off you go!

the giant carnivorous cattle are AWESOME. you get to watch a trio of them eat what appears to be an entire car in, like, two seconds, tops, and they don’t even look bothered by the metal disappearing down their massive gullets.

(you ask belphie in an undertone why the cattle are eating cars if they’re carnivorous. his response is that even giant carnivorous cattle need their minerals, so the zookeepers feed them a bunch of the metal stuff you get in human scrapyards.)

(sounds like an RSPCA violation to you...)

you’re practically tumbling over the fence as you lean forward to get a proper look at them and their adorable tiny wings, so belphie ends up having to pull you back

just as he does it, however, he has a very bright idea

so instead of gently tugging you back as he’d originally planned, he practically yanks you into him, conveniently slipping your hand out of beel’s in the process

listen, it’s not that belphie resents letting beel hold hands with you at the same time as him. a demon’s just gotta get his hugs sometimes, alright?

of course you’re a little miffed about being so violently yoinked, so you’re about to turn around and give belphie a piece of your mind, but then he pulls you close to him and nuzzles his nose into your hair

how are you supposed to scold him for that???

he seems so content and he’s even doing that adorable little purring thing demons do when they’re happy that he never does in public

you can’t just pull out of his arms! it’s probably illegal!!!!!

belphie gets a pass for being cute this time. only this time. no more.

(as an aside, this sort of thing happens at least once a day because belphie’s a whiny little baby who can’t go twelve hours without your love)

anyway now beel looks a little downtrodden which you are not having

your solution? wait until belphie lets go of you on his own and then you can give beel a hug of his own.

unfortunately belphie doesn’t seem interested in separating from you

luckily you don’t end up having to deal with that, because then satan steps in

partially because he feels bad for beel and also partially because okay that’s enough touching now, know your boundaries

which means it’s BEEL’S TURN TO SHINE

does this demon want you to die? because that is what’s going to happen if he keeps being so friggin sweet

first of all he buys you a bunch of treats from the nearby food stalls with his own money and offers every single one to you

is he on drugs? is that what’s happening here? what happened to the avatar of gluttony who ate first and asked questions later???

of course you aren’t going to be so cruel as to take every single one of the treats he’s offering when you can physically hear his stomach rumble as he holds them out to you

instead, you take a handful or so and tell him to eat the rest himself because he deserves it

beel almost tears up he’s so happy he loves you so much in that moment

some may say he’s being dramatic but beel says that every moment with you is a treasure and he has every right to be emotional

belphie is a teensy bit pissed that satan simp-policed him when he’s just as whipped but it’s beel so... he’ll stay down

satan, meanwhile, starts snapping pictures of you at every opportunity, most of them candids, to save to the album he has dedicated especially to you, and also to send to the brothers’ group chat to brag

asmo responds to each one with even more heart emojis than the last, levi always has some kind of jealous comment to make, lucifer stays silent (satan knows he’s saving the photos to his own gallery to gaze affectionately at later though), and mammon just keeps sending angry stickers and then quickly adding that they’re not aimed at you but at satan for having the audacity

anyway, the four of you end up leaving the giant carnivorous cow exhibit after spending a few minutes just sitting together on one of the giant benches while you and beel (mostly beel) eat the giant pile of food he purchased

(beel’s not evil so he offers satan and belphie some obviously, but he makes it clear that you’re getting first pick)

beel’s about to ask where you want to head next when

here comes trouble

and make it double

asmo and levi are IN the building (zoo)

levi, having gotten so antsy waiting for you to show up, disregards all subtlety and basically throws himself right at you, scoops you up, and takes off

leaving behind your poor manticore plush, a stunned satan, beel, belphie, and asmo, who immediately starts running after the two of you, shouting ‘hey, that isn’t fair!’

satan, belphie and beel are left to exchange disbelieving looks and attempt to follow

(don't worry about greenie, satan picks him up and vows to keep him safe until he meets up with you again)

meanwhile you are being quite literally swept off your feet

“levi. levi stop i can walk. levi i’m coming to aquarium with you. you don’t need to pull me. levi i’m getting a little dizzy over here. levi please”

luckily you are saved from your impending doom (because, realistically, there is no way mr hasn’t-exercised-in-several-millennia can carry someone halfway across the biggest zoo in all three realms without tripping) by asmo

now, asmo does not like exercise. it makes him all hot and sweaty (and not in the sexy way) and it’s just... not it. however, because it’s you, he will make an exception just this once.

so he grits his teeth, pins back his long-ass fringe with a cute butterfly clip, and runs for it

normally jealous-mode levi will not stop for anything, but a running asmo in the right situation is even more terrifying than a quiet angry lucifer, and a quiet angry lucifer normally means multiple people are getting burnt alive

so what does levi do? naturally, he stops in his tracks, lets out a scream of such a high frequency that he disturbs a flock of deathseye hawks nesting in a tree nearby, and almost drops you on your head

asmo immediately stops running, takes a moment to dab off any sweat on his forehead with his dainty little pink handkerchief, and lets his hair back down

because he is not exercising for a second longer than he has to

anyway, now that you’re not being torpedo’d halfway across the world, you can finally take a second to breathe and actually ask levi what he wants

he goes pink and stares shame-facedly at the ground and refuses to say a word, especially with avatar of lust ‘i like teasing my brothers to the point where it might be sexual harassment’ asmodeus Right There behind you

but you want your purple boy to be honest!! which means it is puppy dog eyes time again

finally, staring determinedly off to the side, levi mumbles, “you promised we’d go see the fish...”

oh your poor heart

you’re inclined to start pressing kisses all over his face, but you just know he will immediately blow up on the spot if you do in such a public area, so you settle on giving him a subtle hug and reassuring him that yes, you will go see the fish with him

now, asmo’s a hoe for attention, we all know that, but even he has his moments

so, making you promise to go see the birds of arcadia with him later, he departs with a wave and a very sneaky kiss planted on your cheek to let you and levi have your time together

thanks asmo

so off you and levi go!

the aquarium FUCKS

sorry that was too strong

the aquarium is GORGEOUS

it’s got this beautiful deep blue-green ambient lighting, and there are enormous tanks for the giant sharks that essentially make up the walls and ceiling

and there are SO MANY FISH!

rainbow fish, neon pink fish, fish with tiny markings that make them look like they have moustaches, fish with scales that change colour every five seconds, glow-in-the-dark fish, fish the size of a small car

literally any kind of fish you can imagine? they HAVE THEM

you’re almost too distracted to notice levi tugging aggressively on your sleeve

when you do, though, he quickly ushers you over into the tunnel exhibit, where the dolphins live

devildom dolphins look pretty similar to regular human dolphins, except they live in what’s essentially hydrochloric acid and are pitch black in colour with bright purple eyes

you’re pretty confused as to why levi wanted to drag you in here so quickly - you’d have thought he’d go for the goldfish, or the venomous water serpents, or even the special hydra exhibit they’ve got for a limited time

but then levi pulls you over to the very edge, taps his fingers lightly on the glass, and... starts clicking and chirruping?

you’re about to very concernedly ask if he’s feeling alright when something amazing happens

the giant male with scars all over it who, according to one of the signs along the tunnel, spends most of his time skulking as far away from the glass as possible and will eat any demon who comes too close, swims over to him

then, wearing the gentlest little smile, levi turns to you and tells you to say hello to captain

you almost yell out of sheer excitement, but you manage to collect yourself

instead, what comes out is an aggressively whispered:

"hello!! hi, captain!! it's lovely to meet you!! i love you!!!!"

and captain loves you too!!!!!

he swims right up to you and butts his nose against the glass

well you can't not immediately press your face against the glass as well so it looks like you're bumping noses with him can you???

so you do exactly that

all the while going "hello!! hello!! you're such a pretty boy!! what a handsome boy!!"

levi almost cries because you are just too perfect

you love captain? and captain loves you too? he seriously has to hold himself back from dropping to one knee and proposing right then and there

after taking a moment to get his heart to calm down, he translates what you're saying to captain, who immediately starts clicking back

and guess what??? captain says you're the prettiest!!!!!!!!! you’re the handsomest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now you're going to cry

you and levi spend ages in that tunnel together, just talking to captain and holding hands and exchanging little kisses now and then

levi is so in his element here in the aquarium that he isn't even as nervous and stuttery with his affection as usual

it's almost jarring, but are you complaining? absolutely not

when and levi emerge from the aquarium, both a little giddy and still enthusiastically talking about all the other creatures you said hi to after captain (who you are most definitely coming back to visit sometime), asmo is waiting outside so impatiently that he's getting a lot of irritated looks for his aggressive foot-tapping

levi wants to go see the reptiles now, but then asmo plays the 'i let you get away with having alone time, now let me have mine, bitch’ card

and to be honest levi's pretty sure that even self-proclaimed romance expert asmo can't top the mini-aquarium date you've just had with him, sooooo...

buying you a little keychain replica of captain just to get a final one over his brother, he bids you goodbye and goes off to the reptile house on his own, pulling on his headphones on his way so that he won't accidentally end up talking to some stranger again

it is now asmo's time to shine!!!

and so off the two of you head off to the birds of arcadia exhibit

however, it seems that asmo doesn’t have much interest in the birds themselves apart from for taking pictures with them for his devilgram

the birds are beautiful indeed, but guess what else is also beautiful? here is a short and concise list:

1. holding asmo’s hand

2. giving asmo kisses

3. receiving kisses from asmo

4. giving asmo hugs

5. receiving hugs from asmo

6. cuddling with asmo

7. sleeping with asmo (in the literal sense)

8. sleeping with asmo (in the not so litera—)

this has been a short and concise list of things that are very beautiful and you should absolutely do right this second (not ghost-written by asmodeus, avatar of lust, not at all)

anyway, it’s kind of hard to concentrate on that adorable neon striped pecker sitting close by to you when asmo is draping himself all over you like a damn scarf

it’s cute! it’s cute. but.... the birds...... you want to see the birds.........

in the end the two of you settle on a compromise: asmo will let you have some time to just look at the pretty birds as long as you keep holding his hand, and then the two of you will go and get matching face paint together

asmo’s kinda pouty about it at first, but he quickly changes his mind when he sees how enamoured you are by the birds

you really are too cute!! he just wants to scoop you up and cover you with kisses, but he’s already promised to leave that for when you aren’t in the middle of a busy public space

(he definitely isn’t the slightest bit jealous of them because he wants to be the only beautiful thing that you look at like that. he knows he’s prettier than those birds.)

(but, like... he’s still gonna puff up his chest a bit when he catches one edging just a bit too close to you. he may be the avatar of lust, but he does have his moments of jealousy as well… even if they’re at blooming birds.)

finally, when you’ve decided that you’ve had your fill of gorgeous birds, asmo immediately pulls you off to the face-painting booth

all the designs the demons managing it have come up with are pretty beautiful, so he’s not bothered about which one to get as long as you two are matching

which means you get to choose!!!!

at first he thinks you’ll ask for the super popular one that imitates the feather pattern of the most popular bird of arcadia, the lesser spotted spectra

but then you turn to look at him, think for a moment, turn back to the demon doing the painting, and ask if they do custom designs

asmo can only watch on, confused, as you and the demon whisper conspiratorially back and forth for five minutes

then the demon has started painting, and the cheeky little grin on your face is making him a little worried that you’ve deliberately asked for a really stupid design just to mess with him

but then, as the strokes and colours all come together, he realises something that might make him a little teary eyed. just a little bit.

the design you’ve asked for just so happens to be the gorgeous, swirling pattern of the avatar of lust’s pact mark

and it’s not just that, either. he takes a closer look and realises that the little flowers added around the edges are his favourite kind of rose as well

and THEN the demon doing the painting turns to him and tells him with a smirk that, by your suggestion, the paint he’s using has been enchanted so that it goes rainbow when you kiss the person who’s wearing it

oh, he really should have had more faith in you! this is even better than anything he could come up with!!!

(he takes about a million photos of you while he’s waiting for his own turn and sends at least a quarter of them to the group chat)

asmo is practically vibrating with excitement as he sits there getting his own face painted

and if you think he doesn’t drag you off to some secluded corner for a good half an hour just pressing little kisses all over your face and giggling when he pulls away and your face paint has gone all the colours of the rainbow, you are severely wrong

of course, he wants kisses as well. this is a give-and-take system and he wants just as much as he gives!!!

unfortunately, there is one disadvantage to spending so much time just canoodling

the others haven’t heard from you or asmo in a good hour and they are beginning to PANIC

mammon in particular is practically shooting off the walls and just constantly spamming you with ‘WHERE ARE YOU’ and ‘COME BACK’ messages

asmo doesn’t want you to go but he’s also kind of running off a high right now so he decides it’s okay and sends you off you find mammon with a cheery wave (and a love struck sigh once you’re out of earshot)

you find mammon just walking in circles in the communal area outside the cannibalistic not-zebras exhibit

he almost bursts into tears when you come up to him and tap him on the shoulder because it feels like he hasn’t seen you for what feels like hours and hours and he just,,, he missed you okay

after five minutes of him just furiously rubbing his eyes and refusing to admit why, he gathers himself and asks you what you want to go see

you have to think for a good long while because, while you’ve been to plenty of zoos in the human world and know by now the sorts of animals most of them have, devildom creature species are unpredictable

you could jokingly say ‘hyper-aware empathetic goose’ and they’d probably have one

but then you have a look around you and see the big map

and what is the first thing you see on that map?

‘vampiric venomous bats’

oh fuck yeah

mammon is a little concerned because the vvbs are known to randomly swoop down and attack the people who walk into their exhibit

he knows you can protect yourself!! but when you’re being swarmed by a horde of more than fifty giant bat creatures with enormous teeth full of venom that can kill you in seconds, there’s really not much you can do

and there is no expressing the amount of absolute misery that would descend on him if he let you get hurt

so instead, you make a compromise and decide to go to scheduled talk on the vvbs in ten minutes instead

normally mammon finds these zoo talks boring as all hell, but heck, if he gets to hold your hand for a whole forty five minutes without having to make an excuse to do so, he’s down

so off you go to the talk!

you’re having the absolute time of your life as the keeper shows you one of the more lethargic bats and describes exactly how it paralyses its prey with high frequency screeches and then kills it with a single bite to the neck

mammon, on the other hand, is honestly kind of spooked

that bat may be half-asleep, but it’s got the eyes of a murderer

so what if he shuffles a little closer to you every time the bat moves?? it’s not like he’s scared of it or anything! no way!

(please hold him or he may cry)

but then... DISASTER strikes

the keeper looks out across her bright-eyed audience, listening attentively to her explanation of how the vvb detects prey through the slightest vibrations in the air... and asks if there are any volunteers who want to hold it

everyone goes quiet. they’re all looking at the floor and avoiding eye contact like students who don’t want to be picked to answer a question in class. they may be demons, but even they know danger when they see it.

except...

mammon is just commenting to himself in amusement about how quiet everyone’s gotten when he looks to the side and practically feels his heart freeze

your hand has flown straight up into the air, and before he can pull it down, the keeper has called on you

mammon may be just as terrified of that bat as everyone else, but he isn’t going to let you go near that thing without him to protect you

the keeper looks a little befuddled as to why one of the most powerful demons in the devildom is following you up to the front like a very attached duckling, but luckily she goes along with it

first she gives you a super thick dragonhide glove to wear, just in case the bat gets violent

then she attaches the little lead around one of the bat’s feet to the end of the glove, so that even if it tries to attack an uncovered spot on your body, it’ll just get pulled back

(meanwhile, mammon, standing just behind you, is just barely holding back from bursting into demon form and wrapping himself around you to protect you)

and so, as you watch in anticipation and mammon in terror, the keeper slowly moves the bat from her arm to yours

at first it just kind of sits there and blinks and... doesn’t really do much

the keeper, however, seems very happy about this

“it means she already trusts you!!!”

and she tells you to try a simple little trick

“just flick your wrist up and she should swing down to hang from your hand!”

mammon is very pointedly whispering to you that that’s enough, you’ve held the bat, come on let’s get out of here

but you are determined to continue putting your life in danger, it seems, because you do exactly what the keeper says

and it works!!!

piki, which you have learned is the name of this particular bat, lets out a quiet squeak and drops to hang from one of the enormous fingers of your glove

you immediately go ‘wooAAAAAAAAAH’

mammon almost bites his tongue in half because of how on edge he is, but it turns out that he doesn’t need to be

because the bat turns to you, blinks once, and suddenly puffs up around the neck

you panic a little at first, but the keeper seems incredibly excited

“she’s displaying!!!!!!! she likes you!!!!!!!!!!! she sees you as a potential mate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

okay mammon is not having any of that

he is not about to be upstaged by a goddamn bat

and so the instant the bat and glove is removed from you, he grabs you by the hand and charges right out of that room, shouting something about it being urgent

leaving poor piki the vampiric venomous bat squeaking sadly because her new crush is gone

sad :(

now mammon is buying you a giant plush to make up for dragging you away like that

happy! :)

and you KNOW this means a great deal because mammon does not part with his money very easily. in fact, most of the time, one would have to physically threaten him into buying something for them

and the fact that mammon bought you a ridiculously expensive enormous plush that probably dug a pretty big hole in his savings without you even asking??? your heart basically melts on the spot

now you definitely can’t get angry at him for pulling you away so suddenly

so instead the two of you go to see the giant narwhals

you’re fascinated, but mammon is too distracted to even look at the narwhals

he just keeps staring at you looking so happy hugging the giant plush he bought for you so close to yourself with this giant dopey grin on his face

(s i m p)

he’s shaken out of his infatuated daze when he hears a camera shutter directly behind him

at first he whips around ready to fight because he’s expecting levi or asmo, but then he looks up slightly and comes face to face with none other than his beloved older brother

lucifer doesn’t even try to hide the tiny grin on his face as he very slowly raises his phone and takes a photo of mammon’s half shocked and half irritated face

mammon is so dumbfounded by how much kinder lucifer looks when he smiles like that. he doesn’t even recover in time to tell you who’s just showed up - you end up noticing by yourself

you should have given lucifer a bit of warning because the moment you turn around and and greet him with such a bright and happy smile on his face he is DECEASED

all you and mammon see is his cheeks going pink but let me tell you this man is screeching like a trapped possum on the inside

lucifer may act like he’s a Big Important Unfeeling Demon but everyone else knows that this man would quite literally bring you the moon if you asked (he probably wouldn’t be able to pull down the entire moon, but damn him if he isn’t going to try)

he has to stay silent for a moment because he knows that if he speaks his voice is going to crack and mammon absolutely would NOT let him forget that for the rest of his long life

once he’s managed to get his puddle of a heart back to a state where he can speak without sounding like the physical embodiment of being smitten, he’s quick to offer to take you to the nearby penguin exhibit

he’s paid attention to the messages he’s been receiving periodically from the other brothers throughout the day about the things you’ve been getting up to with them, and he has seen a pattern in the sort of creatures you like the best

that pattern is: the more deadly, the better, with bonus points if it still looks cute

and lucifer has been to this zoo enough times to know most of the best exhibits pretty well (especially since diavolo’s taste in deadly creatures is very similar to yours, so he knows that any of the demon prince’s favourites will probably end up pretty high in your list as well)

therefore he knows that the devildom’s penguins are about two and a half meters tall, with millions of retractable fangs in their beaks and venom sacs in their necks that they can spray so violently and quickly that they’ve become known as ‘venom machine guns’

and you are ALL ABOUT THAT

you’re so excited by the concept of these penguins that you don’t think twice before tucking your arm into lucifer’s outstretched one and following him off to the exhibit

leaving mammon pouting furiously behind the two of you

now, while the avatar of greed doesn’t dare to directly interfere with his older brother, he most certainly dares to inconvenience him

what does that mean? it means that mammon is immediately whipping out his DDD and shooting a quick message to the group chat specifically made without lucifer to let everyone know what’s going down

and, within ten minutes, every single one of the other brothers are heading right for the penguin exhibit as well

lucifer is in the middle of listening to you excitedly talk about piki the bat when he feels something hit him in the back

he turns to see, with great dismay, that the six other brothers have started following behind the two of you, and have begun taking turns throwing things at him. satan doesn’t stop even when he realises that he’s been spotted.

lucifer feels a vein pop in his cheek when satan manages to nail him right in the middle of the forehead with a screwed-up ball of paper

unfortunately for lucifer (and fortunately for the other six brothers), you quickly take notice of the group following behind you

the avatar of pride can only watch in dismay as you call out for the others to come join you to see the penguins

well, obviously, the others are coming now that you’re inviting them over!!

asmo immediately jumps to give you a little kiss on the nose just so he can see your face light up in all the colours of the rainbow again

(which earns several surprised noises from the other brothers since, while they knew from the pictures from asmo that the two of you had gotten your faces painted, they didn’t know the paint did that)

belphie subtly shuffles up behind you to give you a little prize figurine he spent way too long trying to win on one of the zoo’s mini claw-machine games, while beel attempts to find a stealthy way of sneaking the bag of treats he’s carefully sourced for you into your pockets, but ends up giving up on that and just hands you the bag instead

levi is still on a bit of a high from the mini aquarium date, so his face immediately goes fifty shades of red when he sees you, but instead of running off like he usually does when he’s flustered, he just offers you the WIDEST smile

satan is a little disheartened when he realises just how much bigger the plushie mammon got for you is than greenie... but who cares!! greenie is small and cute!! he most definitely isn’t puffing up slightly like an indignant owl when he sees you hug that plushie to yourself like it’s the softest thing in the world!! no sir!!!!!!

mammon is being kinda whiny about lucifer barging in and ruining your one and one time together, but then satan reminds him that they’ve all just interrupted lucifer’s one on one time with you before it could even really begin, and also points out (a little saltily) that, judging by the giant plushie in your arms, he’s already spent more than enough time with you

(luckily mammon isn’t exactly perceptive so he doesn’t pick up on it or else satan would be in for one hell of a teasing)

you, meanwhile, don’t miss the way that lucifer not so subtly presses himself closer to you as the eight of you are walking to see the penguins

so close that your arms are physically touching

it’s not like lucifer to be this clingy (well, clingy by his standards, anyway), but you aren’t going to bring it up considering that he would probably immediately move away out of ~pride~ if you did

unfortunately the other brothers don’t need you to point out lucifer’s behaviour to immediately start attempting to sabotage him

by the time you all get to the penguin exhibit, you’re surrounded completely by all seven of them, and they appear to be executing a genuine attempt to crush you if the pressure on all sides is anything to go off of

looking on the bright side of things, though, the penguins are SO CUTE

sure, they’re about nine feet tall with beaks full of millions of tiny serrated teeth and very toxic-looking feet-claws. but they’re ADORABLE

you love them so much!!!!!! but now the brothers are being big MEANIES and aren’t letting you get close to the fence

“those penguins can shoot venom up to twenty feet, we’re not taking any chances” so WHAT you just want to see the goddamn penguins!!!!!!!! you’ve survived countless near-death experiences down here, you can manage a bit of venom!

eventually your very pointed complaining finally gets most of them to relent (asmo is still against it, but majority vote says you get to get closer to the penguins, so HA) and you are allowed to go right up to barrier that separates the attraction from the spectators

you’re absolutely delighted, but the brothers quickly realise that their concerns about this whole thing were not unfounded

because that fucking penguin over there is totally giving you the googly eyes

levi is the first to notice - as the general of hell’s navy, he has a natural connection to all animals of the seas, even the ones that are only semi aquatic

satan notices soon after him - he’s been to plenty of ‘taming dangerous creatures’ club meetings, and he knows how to recognise attraction in animals

you yourself are pretty clueless until you suddenly notice that one of the flock is now sliding beak-first on its belly towards you

levi silently hopes you’ll be scared into leaving, but instead you just lean right up to the barrier (lucifer hurriedly grabs you by the arm before you fall over it) and whisper-shriek “hi baby!!!!!!!!!!!”

oh the brothers did not like that at all

but the penguin seems absolutely THRILLED

you’re pretty sure you see its eyes light up. like physically light up, not in the metaphorical sense - its eyes glow

(do devildom penguins understand human/demon speech?? you could swear from the penguin’s reaction to your greeting that they do, but when you ask satan about it later, he just scowls and shakes his head, proclaiming that devildom penguins have ‘a brain smaller than a tangerine and the motor function of a slightly bent paper clip’)

(damn satan you didn’t have to do the penguins like that)

anyway, this penguin, now thoroughly convinced that you are its destiny, hops to its feet, nods its head several times, then proceeds to start making the weirdest noise at you

you don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like a laser beam has been combined with a motorbike combined with a vacuum cleaner combined with levi when his favourite idol group releases a new song combined with that godawful screeching violin satan has been playing on repeat for two weeks just to annoy lucifer combined with, i don’t know, a turbo-charged printer or something. and then the whole thing’s been shoved through a dubstep filter.

it’s such a rattling sound that asmo, mammon, levi and belphie clap their hands to their ears, beel frowns so hard his entire face squishes inwards, satan recoils so far backwards that he’s about two feet further away from you than he was at first, and even lucifer actually physically flinches

(short break for a personal headcanon of mine but hear me out here: this man probably listens to nothing but full professional orchestra classical all day. he absolutely has that thing where his ears are sensitive to poorly played notes or just harsh grating sounds in general. you know, like how lan wangji and lan xichen in mdzs are physically repulsed by the sound of bad music? yeah that)

you wince slightly, but the pain in your eardrums is overpowered by your thrill about the fact that this penguin is actually talking to you

you smile wide and reply, leaning right up to the banister, “hello!! hi!! it's nice to meet you too!!”

if the penguin was happy before then it’s absolutely over the MOON now

it makes the weird honking sound again, nodding its head furiously at you, all the while shuffling closer and closer to the barrier

you are positively delighted by this development, but each of the demon brothers seem to be taking the penguin’s approach as a personal threat both to them and to you

beel’s expression is steadily scrunching up more and more in displeasure as each second passes, asmo’s glare could probably boil the penguin alive, and you’re pretty sure you just heard levi hiss at it

you turn around to try to tell them off for getting jealous over a penguin out of all things, but they are just not listening to reason

the penguin meanwhile is desperately trying to get your attention back by nodding even more frantically and honking so loudly that lucifer actually reels back a little

you try to turn back to it but then belphie decides that he’s going to shove his way right between you and the barrier and block the penguin’s line of sight

the penguin immediately sets up an extremely loud complaint, but belphie refuses to give it any rope at all

at this point the other brothers begin catching onto what he’s doing

mostly because of his weird twin telepathy thing, beel is the first to join belphie’s quest, with his giant frame being substantially more effective as a barrier, while asmo and satan work together to not-so-subtly start ushering the entire group backwards and away from the penguin

you’re attempting to protest, but lucifer is practically shouting over you about how interesting and fun you’ll find the giant giraffe exhibit, which just so happens to be on the other side of the zoo

the penguin is positively screeching at this point, but a moment later is suddenly goes silent. for a moment you’re afraid that one of the brothers have lost their nerve and actually killed it, but then you manage to spot it sliding away again around beel’s massive shoulder

turns out that, though his brothers don’t seem to care about his status and power placement at all, the avatar of greed’s glare is enough to silence even the most passionate of penguins

while the brothers exchange triumphant looks as they lead you away from the penguin exhibit, though, you’re more than a little upset by this whole ordeal.

the disrespect? abundant. the lack of sympathy? rampant. the audacity? sheer.

you make your displeasure very clear by scrunching up your face, crossing your arms, and refusing to respond to any of the brothers when they try to ask you something

goddammit, it was supposed to be a good thing that they saved you from the so obviously dangerous penguin, but now you’ve got them feeling bad

in the end, though, you still can’t stay mad at your boys for long

they all apologise (well, all of them except lucifer, whose pride will forever be his downfall, and belphie, who genuinely doesn’t think he’s done anything particularly wrong), and you can’t bring yourself to keep dampening the mood

so, with a short scolding that’s really little more than a light slap to the wrist to remind the boys that you don’t need to be protected from everything like some sort of delicate glass case despite how much they might think that’s the case, you’re back to your previous happy self

thank fuck

the rest of the day goes smoothly! the eight of you do indeed go to see the giant giraffes, which you actually get to feed, and beel somehow manages to knock down an entire row of rigged carnival targets to get you a pretty wooden carving of a super cool dragon

(you’re still not entirely sure how that happened but it was probably the sheer willpower)

you convince all of the brothers to take about three hundred photos with you in the cheesy green screen safari booths (it was mostly levi, lucifer and belphie who needed convincing, since beel and satan weren’t too fussed about it either way, and mammon and asmo were downright thrilled to do so)

lucifer buys the whole group matching keychains, despite the fact that they were pretty basic wood-and-plastic affairs but still cost a good fifty grimm each

(you’ve noticed that he seems to like doing that, considering the harrison porter keychain you’ve still got from that trip up to the human world back during the whole body swap fiasco)

he gets himself a fire-breathing peacock, mammon gets a gold-hoarding crow, levi gets a sea serpent, satan gets a good old regular cat, asmo gets a lesser spotted spectra, beel gets a manticore (since they’re known to eat more than three times their body mass on good days), belphie gets a giant carnivorous cow, and he begrudgingly lets you pick out the giant penguin design - as an apology for his actions earlier.

(you don’t fail to notice the slightly irritated looks levi and satan in turn both send the keychain as you tuck it safely into your pocket)

all in all

a lovely day out

10/10 would do again

[tinglyalloy]

So, I've (sort of) finished @thatdazaikin 's prompt of 'Ango content, especially fluff'. I tried writing fluff. I tried. I might actually add a bit more to this as I've enjoyed writing it so far, but here you go. Based off my headcanon that Ango is a cat person.

-------

Ango Sakaguchi knows that kittens are small, and delicate, and fall apart if you look at them wrong. He also knows that his job includes violence, and death, and blood, and things that are probably not healthy for a young animal to be around. He moves apartments every other week. He’s almost assassinated every other month. Hell, it’s only been two weeks since the car accident.

He also knows that he desperately wants to keep it, ‘it’ being the tiny kitten who was currently clinging to his arm with the ferocity of a tiger clawing at its prey.

Whenever he has the - admittedly not frequent - chance to socialise, pretend that he wasn’t interrogating criminals less than an hour earlier, people would always ask him if he has a pet. No, he would tell them, I work in the government.

Oh, they always reply, that must be quite dull. A lot of paperwork, isn’t it?

No, I’m part of the Special Division for Unusual Powers. I deal with terrorists and mass-murderers who possess powers you can’t even think of. I manage to get about four hours of sleep a week. I was responsible for the death of one of my only two friends. Oh, how’s the other doing? He hates me with a burning passion. Tried to kill me twice. Well, kind of. I think he was going more down the maim-severely route the second time, but I guess that’s just semantics.

Except he doesn’t say that, because if he learnt anything from infiltrating the Port Mafia, it was how to lie. “Yeah, it gets quite boring at times.”

Less boring and more mind-numbingly painful. But hey, it’s fine, Ango’s been repressing his emotions ever since he was four and discovered that his mind was wired to practically explode every time he touched another object or person. He dealt with it, learnt to control the problem, just like he dealt with every other mess or flaw or mistake that came his way.

Step back. Assess the problem. Find the solution.

Problem: The cat.

Okay, maybe not the cat itself, but rather the fact that Ango wants to keep it. Time to reassess.

Problem: Ango wants to keep this cat.

Shit, that’s not it either. The problem is not the cat, nor is it the fact that Ango is unashamedly a cat person, but rather a mix of the unfortunate circumstances surrounding both his job and his current living quarters. Ango is fairly sure that small animals should generally not be allowed near either weapons or curtains, and his current apartment definitely has an excess of both.

Solution: Don’t keep the cat. Give it to a vet, or drop it on a doorway, or simply abandon it on the street.

Who knows? It might not be a stray after all, just a lost kitty who has owners looking for it.

Well, there was only one way to find out. Ango drops into a crouch, careful not to soak the ends of his trousers in the puddles formed by the constant dripping of the rain, before slowly prising the kitten’s claws off his coat and placing it on the ground.

“I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” Ango slowly rubs the kitten’s back before activating his ability and quickly jumping back. He wouldn’t want to hurt the kitten if he fell unconscious and collapsed. It was uncommon now that he had so much practice in regards to his ability, but he hadn’t tried to read the memories of an animal - at least, an alive one - for a long time.

Thankfully, he stayed conscious, the only ill effects being the slight sensation of dizziness that often accompanied his memory-reading.

“Well, let’s see,” he muttered, more to himself than to anyone else. Not that there was anyone else - the weather had been acting up the whole day, and all of Yokohama’s citizens were either clustered inside shops or cafes or sleeping out through the rain back at home. Ango had been doing neither - bad weather wasn’t enough to stop crime, as Director Taneda often said - when he came upon the mewling kitten who was currently pushed against the wall.

Darkness. Rain. Those were likely the most recent memories, those of the storm that had been gripping Yokohama.

Before that, all the memories were blurry. Ango saw a few flashes of a cardboard box, of a concrete wall, of thunder and lightning.

So. No owner. Theoretically, nothing to stop him from taking it back to the apartment.

No. He’s not doing it. He can’t take a kitten back to his flat. All that’s going to guarantee is disaster.

But, then again…

No, no, no. He cannot do this. He barely makes enough to feed himself, let alone a kitten. No. No. No.

Then the kitten mewls, and Ango melts.

– – – –

“Do not move.” Ango drops the kitten on his table, keeping his eyes fixed on its skittering claws. He doesn’t want any scratches on the table, but putting the kitten on the floor means that he has to let it out of his line of sight and though scratches on the table is one thing, a rogue kitten running around his (admittedly small) apartment, causing unseen damage to all of the furniture, is another. He knows that he has neither the skill, nor the expertise, nor any of the required tools, to take care of a cat. He isn’t going to keep the cat. He isn’t.

It’s just that it’s raining outside, and the cat was cold, and he has a relatively empty and relatively warm apartment….

Ango pulls a towel from his cupboard, throwing his coat on the sofa and going back towards the sopping-wet animal still crouched on his table.

“Well,” he says, to no-one in particular, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”