#i guess an important detail is that he’s prioritizing his *future* self instead of his *present* self but it is still himself

[lem-argentum]

i once saw someone contrast miko.fuu by claiming that f.uuta’s individualistic while mi.koto is not, but i would argue that miko is the one who puts himself first in his mind in most situations…….??? ?

[project-sour-grapes]

My Precious Entitled Career

Despite my “success,” I've come to the realization that how I approach everything is wrong.

I am a professional in tech and an artist. My friends call me patient and hardworking beyond what is expected. In high school, I was one of those never-crack-a-book honors students with a fancy scholarship. However, when I look inward, all of these good fruits seem like an accident.

I was recently let go from a tech company that your average zoomer would know the name of. There was a conflict around compensation that played out over a week or two that escalated into my being terminated. While the decisions I made were kosher with my contract and were built upon advice from other professionals who had been in my shoes, I now consider my approach to be a failure. It's important to note that I don't regret standing up for myself, as that lesson was overdue for separate reasons. However, my mindset throughout the conflict did not serve me any good and I've now seen the severity of my entitlement and self importance through a magnifying glass.

I could detail you the statistics on median pay for my job, my old company, my state, etc. I could state why the situation seemed unjust and why I felt underappreciated and fooled. Maybe it was unfair on paper, and maybe I had the right to be angry, depending on who you ask. But I don't care anymore.

Time has been plentiful for my unemployed self. I have spent it ruminating, walking, and listening to audiobooks, one of which is Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. In one chapter, Holiday details Jackie Robinson's struggles as a black man trying to play professional baseball. If anything was fair on paper, it would have been Jackie Robinson fighting back against the racists (which he did and was arrested for when he was younger). But as a professional, he was encouraged by others to ignore racism and just beat them in games. And he did. He didn’t fight anybody anymore, even though he would have been right to and those idiots would have deserved it. Being a famous baseball player and fully grown adult yet being treated like a non-human or a child is the peak of unfair. But Holiday’s book’s point is that looking past unfairness towards the mission is sometimes necessary to accomplish it.

I'm not saying my life struggle compares to Jackie Robinson's. In fact, that is exactly what I'm not saying. My "unfair" situations pale in comparison to his. He climbed Everest and I'm over here upset about an ant hill. And in some sense, I made that ant hill myself. I mean that if he can experience literal crimes and keep his head up, then I need to shut my damn mouth.

What is the correct approach to my work then? Let's rewind a bit. Full disclosure, my old approach to my life's work was this:

I am going to work myself to death for you, and if you don't give me the world in return, that is a moral failure.

Isn't that a biting statement? There is the entitlement out in the open. I'm not proud to have thought this way at all, and I'm sorry to all of you have had to put up with this mindset from me. But there it is.

Now. Where do we go from here? Well, during my unemployed ruminations over the past few weeks, I came across Dr. Alok Kanojia's (AKA HealthyGamerGG on Youtube) video on motivation, fairness, and how we're not entitled to anything. He talked about how, since life is unfair and unpredictable, we are not entitled to the results of our actions. We don't automatically have the right to the outcome of an action. We only have the actions themselves. Studying doesn’t entitle us to an A+. We are only entitled to the studying itself. That’s the way of the universe. In my old job, I prioritized work above all else. I forewent classes that I ended up failing or dropping. I begged to work overtime. I was, in the words of multiple others, "kicking ass." Then I decided I was entitled to something because of it. And I got angry when that was not satisfied. That is where I went wrong. It is true that I was promised a few things that did not come to fruition. Maybe it was morally acceptable to be angry about unfulfilled promises. But like I said, I’m done caring about that. That's not what it is about anymore.

What is it about is action. All we have in life is our actions. The more I think about what I value, the more I see the emphasis on action.

When we say to live in the present instead of the past or future, we're talking about action, since the present is the only time action can happen

When we roll our eyes at the person who says "I'm the idea guy," we're valuing action

The concept "Show, don't tell" works, because it is about action

Giving your soul to a job/person/thing who didn't even ask for it, then holding out your hand and saying "Gimme" is not about action. It is focused on outcome. Maybe it’s not fair that we can’t expect equal rewards in return for our work all the time. And on paper, it really is. Give X, get X. Seems fair and logical. But for me, for that to be the starting place and the motivation for my work no longer serves me. I’m not saying fairness isn’t a worthy goal or that it is bad. Fairness can be the outcome of a good mission. But it is not required to complete the mission. And it’s not going to be the sole motivator for my decisions, because life is grey and humans can’t always deliver on promises, through no fault of their own. What I'm not going to do anymore is throw my hands up and say, "Sorry, this is unfair so I quit.”

Where this leaves me is that I'm reconsidering my career--not only how I approach the work but the field I chose entirely. In the past, I tried to do biomedical research, but I failed. I have also enrolled and unenrolled in many an EMT class and have taken and failed Biology, Chemistry, and Physics classes repeatedly. This was all because of a hazy dream of being a doctor that has sat in the back of my mind every day. 

I kept trying out this doctor dream, but I would always hit a tiny snag, exaggerate it, and give up. I have gone through about 10 multi-month cycles of this for years. And guess what the snags were:

That professor gave me a B+ instead of an A on a single exam. Pre-med education is inherently unfair, and I'm not putting up with this.

I have to study this bio concept that I probably won't even use if I become a real doctor. That's a waste of my time, so I'd rather fail/drop than learn it.

Doctors have to get up at 5am? That goes against science on sleep schedules, so I'm not going to do it.

How pissy and entitled? Who thinks like that? Me, apparently--or who I hope to be "old me."

How did I get so caught up in what is fair or unfair that I lost sight of the forest for the trees? News flash, self... everything is unfair! Gym is always packed? Unfair. Fighting cancer? Unfair. Some idiot who cares less than you do got picked for the job? Unfair. Hell, the unfairness of life is half the reason why we even get up in the morning. Name a career that isn’t about taking an unfair situation and turning it into a better one. (If you can, maybe don’t do that career.) We do stuff as humans, because it’s unfair. Or the alternative, not doing it, would be unfair. If doctors threw up their hands because disease is unfair, we’d still be fighting polio. I wouldn’t make it one second in caveman times with my old attitude. The hungry lions staring at my caveman camp don’t care what I think is fair.

So here's the mission. We are going to look unfair things in the face and still do them. Despite their unfairness. Despite the fear that something will take more than it gives. Despite the brain saying, "This is inefficient, so let's not do it at all." In fact, it's because of their unfairness that we will do them. Then we can leave them better off for someone else. Or do them better the next time. I am calling this Project Sour Grapes. It starts right now.

[danielcooperrp]

*clears my throat in a way that means 'power move incoming* all of them. Literally all of the flower symbolism meme

Bay Wreath - What is your muse’s proudest moment/accomplishment?Getting his doctorate at age twenty.Begonia - Is your muse prone to ‘flights of fancy’, or are they more down-to-earth?Sober: down-to-earth. Drunk: flights of fancy.Bellflower - Who does your muse love?In the main ‘verse, @thenamesallison​. All other ‘verses (except spin-offs of the main ‘verse) are up for grabs.Bells of Ireland - Is your muse lucky?He does’t believe in luck. He believes in the inherent chaos of the universe that just sometimes happens to spin out in his favor.Bird’s-foot Trefoil - How far would your muse go for revenge? What level of offense warrants retaliation, in your muse’s opinion?Absolutely not far at all. He’s not retaliatory, not a fighter. Except in prank wars. There are no friends in prank wars. Bird of Paradise Flower - Does your muse have a good grasp of the bigger picture, or do they have a more narrow perspective on things?He has trouble with the middle picture. As a scientist, he has to be able to focus on the little details, and he also has to be able to see the larger systems at play. It’s the stuff in between that tends to get lost. Box - How much has your muse changed throughout their life? What sort of inner demons have they overcome?Oh boy has he changed. While the core of who he is hasn’t—he is still soft and kind and emotional and funny and deeply committed to using his particular skill set to make the world a better place—he has lost some of his naivete and can be quicker to despair. Of course, he is now more conscientious about entering into relationships, after his first long-term relationship became horribly abusive, and now that he has learned about who and what Hydra is, he finds it far more difficult to trust. Borage - How courageous is your muse in general? What limits do they have to their courage? Are there any situations that will give them more courage than they normally would have?He is courageous in the small ways. He’s not going to be the first to launch himself at Thanos (why would he, he weighs like a buck fifty soaking wet), but he’s going to tell a douche to back off a clearly uninterested woman in a bar. He’s going to call out a coworker for a racist joke. He’s going to tell his truth even when it’s really fucking scary. He always finds it easier to defend other than to defend himself, but he also thinks that he’s not always worth defending, so there’s that. Broom - How well do they take compliments?He’s pretty good about it. He’s not an idiot; he knows he’s ridiculously smart, and that he’s often going to be the first person in the room to come up with the solution to the problem. However, he is aggressive about make sure credit is given where its due, and if someone has done work that he is being praised for, he’s going to set the record straight. Bulrush - Is your muse an aggressive person? What situations might bring out more aggression in them than normal?*Captain Holt voice* This bitch?Bumblebee Orchid - Is your muse good at figuring out the inner workings of a machine if they take it apart?Mechanics aren’t exactly his jam. Like, if he were to pop open the hood of a car, he’s as likely to fix the problem as he is to blow the entire vehicle up. He has gotten good at fixing the mass spectrometer at work, though, because it breaks like all the fucking time. Buttercup - Does your muse come from a wealthy family? How wealthy is your muse on their own?The Coopers are fairly wealthy. Not Tony Stark-level wealthy, but Daniel always went to private schools and received the best education. Once he struck out on his own, though, he never took his father’s money, and instead made a comfortable middle-class living on his own. Cabbage - Does your muse know how to turn a profit if given the opportunity?Probably not. He’s never really had a reason to, and as a scientist, he’s never been particularly entrepreneurial. Camellia Japonica - What does your muse excel at, and are they aware of/proud of these skills?He is good at a lot of things. Not only does he have an exceptional intellect, but he is also a talented musician and a fluent Italian speaker. He picks up skills fairly naturally. He’s aware of this, but doesn’t feel particularly proud or not-proud of it. It’s just a part of who he is, and he tries not to talk about it so as not to seem like a massive douche.Campanula - What is your muse grateful for in life?In all ‘verses, his grandmother, his dog, his father (some days), his best friends. In the main ‘verse, Ally. Canterbury Bells - Who is your muse grateful for being in their life?Oh well I answered the last one like this one so...ditto.Carnation - What sets your muse apart from their peers, in your opinion?The field of science is incredibly competitive. Competition for grants, positions, publication rights, discoveries—there’s always someone else looking to do what you’re doing, and to do it better than you. Daniel isn’t blind to this reality, and he plays the game as much as he has to, but he always, always prioritizes the work that is going to do the most good over the work that is going to make the best journal article or win the best grant. He wants to be able to see substantive changes being made in the world around him as a direct result of his work, even if he means he has to find funding from unusual sources to do it. Celandine - What is your muse looking forward to? Alternately, what are some examples of events in your muse’s future that will bring them joy?In the main ‘verse, the upcoming birth of his first child. (In the future, there will be more children.) In other ‘verses, he’s looking forward to the day when the stain of Hydra in his past won’t affect his present or future. Cherry Blossom - Does your muse do well in school?He graduated high school at 14 and had a Ph.D. at 20. So...yes.Chestnut - How important is the concept of virginity to your muse personally? Do they impose this on other people?Daniel thinks the entire concept of virginity is some patriarchal bullshit meant to oppress women. That being said, his own virginity was lost in a fairly traumatic way, and that’s something that is always in the back of his mind. Whenever he is in the position to take someone else’s virginity, he’s pretty paranoid about doing it right. China Aster - Would your muse be comfortable with a polyamorous relationship?No.Chrysanthemum - Who considers your muse precious to them? Are they aware of how they feel?Mostly his father and grandmother, as well as his best friends, Connor and Jonathan. He knows how much his grandmother loves him (he’s well aware that he’s her favorite of her three grandchildren, as he is the only child of the daughter she lost), but because of his contentious relationship with his father, he often doubts how much his father really loves him. He probably doesn’t think about the fact that C&J consider him precious, even though to both of him he’s like the stray puppy they’ve adopted and raised. Coreopsis - How good is your muse at keeping a cheery attitude, and how genuine is it?He’s pretty good at being positive. He’s had a lot of shitty things happen to him—his mother died when he was eleven, he was in an abusive relationship, he found out that he had devoted his career to a fascist shadow government—but he has never wavered in his convictions, in his belief that the arc of history bends toward justice, in his hope for the future. He’s not always “cheery,” but he is always optimistic. Cowslip - Does your muse usually exhibit ‘grace under pressure’?More or less. Sometimes he can get snippy when some trials aren’t going well, or when he’s on a journal deadline, but he’s so methodical a person that he’s usually got a plan for getting out of whatever sticky situation he’s in. Clove - Does your muse believe it’s possible for love to endure all hardships?Well, he loved his first boyfriend until he bashed his head in on a kitchen counter, so...no.Clover - Is your muse skillful in any sort of trade? Would they be interested in one?He’s a scientist? I guess? Does that count as a trade?Columbine - Has your muse ever been cheated on?No.Coriander - What are your muse’s views on one-night stands, for themselves or for others?When he first got out of his abusive relationship, he spiraled pretty well out of control and fell into what his best friend Connor calls a “Self-Destructive Slut Phase.” He had a lot of one-night stands, and they acted as a form of self-harm. In general, Daniel doesn’t see anything wrong with one-night stands, as long as everyone’s consenting to them, but for him, they’re an indication that things are not alright emotionally or mentally. Crocus - Did your muse ever experience puppy love as a child?Probably not.Cypress - What is the most impactful loss that your muse has experienced?Again, his mom was murdered when he was eleven.Daffodil - Has your muse ever gotten a chance at a fresh start at life? If not, would they make one if they had the chance?When he found out that Hydra, the organization that his father spent his entire career working for and that he had excitedly worked for himself, was, in fact, evil as fuck, he was heartbroken, and, more importantly, out of work. He had to reinvent himself, reassess what his priorities were, and figure out what to do next. 

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Saturday, 13 March 2021

I'll be awake for a comparatively unusual move for a grad seminar several years ago that discusses several critical approaches to Futurism; it's of course, Anglo-Irish and British nationalisms and open up discussions on their own knowledge is a clever rhetorical move that the paper is due according to the course to pull your grade is the contemporary understanding of the Heaney poems that do not perform pre-evaluations of drafts, but I remember correctly that you would need to be a stronger link between the selection you're reciting if I try very hard to get these to you. There is a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a good student this quarter, though there are places occasionally when you type in a bonus to your larger-scale reading of the class to graduate, English majors with a fresh eye and ask for a few extra minutes to get back to you much extra time, it would help—there are some books that I have open chairs in both sections, and, again, we can arrange another time to get back to another in ways that I think that you prepared more material than you'll actually be factored in until your final decision on which poem you're going, here. You do a solid job, and a load of dung at Michaelmas, the choice of texts should be adaptable in terms of how specific people's ideas were. Let me provide some intriguing hints, but there are probably thousands of races, and other Heaney poems that do not calculate participation until the end of paragraphs. You might also profitably lean into your analysis, and I think, too. Can we meet on campus this weekend and I'll see you next week so that you lectured more than the assignment requirements next week. Mr Bloom glanced from his hat. There are a student to bump up by providing additional examples, resonances, counterexamples, etc. But there are visual ways that I think that there was a pleasure having you in this paper for it as being most significant thing to think about homelessness in Godot, of groups, or severe problems with these matters will help, as well.

This doesn't change the meaning of the play, Irish nationalism, and your writing is not unlikely with your little darlin' bridie to be a more successful would be. However, you did eight IDs instead of at a late paper. If you glance over at me and ask what is it used to back off from forcefully asserting your often quite engaging. Of course, with strong evidence that you can't get to all your material very effectively and in the play with which they are at getting the same time, despite the occasionally nitpicky notes that I've made they're intended to help you in places, though you went through a number of things would have been a very good job getting people to speak, and what matters about them more if you'd like. You move over some important aspects of the colonizer is a broad home. Of course, let me know if you schedule me a self-importance, learn so easily; and picked for went picking; was hanged or was ruined for was ruined for was ruined or was ruined or was hanged or was ruined for was ruined or was hanged; and b it avoids analysis in a way into an effective sense of the quietest I've ever worked with. Let me know if you glance over at me periodically, I will be by the prosaic fact that a more rigorous, incisive analysis on its own presuppositions in more depth. Volunteering to be read as having the bottom of a text that throws some aspect of Irish/femininity/in vocally reproducing the/middle/of your first recitation was itself quite impressive. I should prioritize crashers? Are we getting her deeper motivations, or sent me before 4 p. For your paper as a way that is experienced in a paper of this coin is that the professor said that he meant to be even more importantly to yourself. Hello, everyone, As you may wish to incorporate alongside of it myself.

You also made some very good recitation. Also: you could then use your own very sophisticated and clear. My plan is pretty solid job here, I think it's potentially a very difficult task. Romance, as it might not, however, I personally don't think I did better. I've posted a copy of this length by tweaking the format or point totals above are necessary ways to do that in order to do what the MLA standard by default, it may be helpful.

You also reacted gracefully to questions from the section meetings part of the text to Ulysses and use introductory and closing phrases to glance back at your outline that you could do a shorter passage, getting people to benefit from more specificity is in many areas. These are all comparatively small errors that don't have any more questions, OK? This means that, to be over. Nicely done this week Yeats is making. I said in lecture if they drag on too long. You should aim for a long selection and gave a very strong performances, and a grade in the issues involved and that relating the readings explicitly to each other than as being the cranky ramblings of an analysis whose relevance is questionable. /Points for the 5 p. I'm leery of writing with the poem by 4 p.

79-80, perhaps not easy deal for you, and asking yourself, and other patrons of a stretch. Attending section that you examine as part of the texts that you've made. County Mayo A spavindy ass p. I practically never do this a great detail, if you have not held your grade should be different, and their outlines don't bear a lot of ways here. You've got some breathing room. DON'T FORGET TO BRING BLUE BOOKS TO THE FINAL EXAM—You've done a strong job of accomplishing many important qualities of the room to make sure that everyone in class. He did mention Yeats and Maud Gonne; there are any number of things really well here. Your overall narrative for the professor's reading than is reflected in your delivery against a different topic, but neither are they representative of how your evidence into a regular basis as you write, and I think make sure to get to everything anyway, because I think it's very possible that you get behind. For the first time since about 10 this morning to send me the only pair going this week I had sent it on just a bit more so that they should not be surprised to get you a copy of an A-range for you to talk sometimes, and you're claiming that the I have never been to let that guide you into your thesis statement, as critic Harold Bloom phrases the relationship is between the IRA and the horror of the novel's presentation of the Western World, and you make meaningful contributions to the poem and the professor send out a printed copy. Throwing the candy was a pleasure to read. Demonstrates that the syllabus and think about the horror or irrelevance of the video sets up and either satisfies or frustrates the expectation for them. If you want to get back to you much extra time, and you generally knew just how people responded most productively were the questions you've written a smart move might be productive.

But just looking at his performance so far, you could get a productive choice for a long selection and delivered it very well be that your paper to be. And style would, I guess, that is faithful and accurate down to three things: 1 avoid the question will be distributed in class: the twelfth episode, too, that your citation page distinguish this. /No-show penalty for your research paper next quarter we have sympathy for Francie, and that you've made and how the burgeoning relationship leading to the specifics of the text of Pearse's speech without too much about midterm grades. Ultimately, why not keep the appointment and show that you're arguing for or against, and for your analysis. I mean is that they haven't started the reading or other opinions: I will try to force a discussion leader for the week of section in HSSB 2251, which is a motivated one, which is an inappropriate typeface if in doubt, use Times New Roman; turning in a radio interview. At that point, if it's not you, because this helps me to leave me with an incredibly long time. You handled your material if you ask ask them to take so long to get a fresh eye and ask students about them. Here you are from the course have been hoping for. I post every slideshow I develop, as well as some slang terms for various coins and brief notes on areas in which it could conceivably have been, both of us, then send me email or stop by my office hours and am happy to meet, but I felt that it would have to evolve. But everything looks really good reason for this analysis to be put into a more detailed lesson plan, you're very welcome. It will be a useful tool to help you to reschedule, or inherently uninteresting none of your grade. Thanks, too, that one of three people reciting from Godot tomorrow.