#i guarantee you i could eat like. a burger. like it's not filling

[confinesofmy]

a meal really can be 4 cups of chopped lettuce and spinach topped with shredded cheese, bacon bits, and half of a diced beefsteak tomato. no dressing. no vinaigrette. raw-dog. you have to be a real vegetable lover for this one. and i am.

[voraciousvore]

Big Corp Inc. (21/43)

***This chapter contains vore!***

Chapter 21: Bucky's Belly

“Where would you like to eat?” Martin inquired. 

“I don’t know any of the restaurants around here. You choose,” Candy requested. 

“Well… there’s a new restaurant that just opened up downtown that I haven’t tried yet. I can’t guarantee that the food will be any good, but I figured we could try a new experience together,” Martin suggested with a smile. 

“That sounds good. I’m willing to give it a shot.” Candy rubbed his palm with her hand. Martin’s heart warmed at her light touch. He curled his fingers around her, holding her closer to his torso. She leaned into his warm body and sighed. Even with all her terrible troubles piled up on her, somehow Martin made her feel at peace, calming the turmoil within her. 

As the Giant left the banking district and wended his way towards the shops and restaurants of the more leisurely section of the city, the sun started to dip nearer to the horizon, bathing the Giant city in glowing orange light. The sky reflected the image of a sea, with swirling, golden clouds cresting like sea foam. The bright yellow sun swam through the shining clouds and gradually sank into the darkness of the earth, like the depths of the ocean, dimming to orange and red before snuffing out. Candy was happy to be able to share the natural beauty of the scene with Martin. The air had the pleasant cool of evening, overlaid with a light breeze. 

The downtown scene was pretty lively. Candy felt nervous and small, being surrounded by crowds of Giants, some of them rowdy and drunk. Despite this feeling, she trusted Martin to keep her safe in his huge hands. There were lots of clubs and bars with bright lights blasting loud music and advertising fancy alcoholic beverages. The smell of chicken wings and burgers filled the air from various restaurants. With Candy up against Martin’s body, she could hear his cavernous belly rumbling in response. 

“Sorry, Candy, it’s been a while since I’ve been out and about here. I forgot how crazy it can get on Friday nights,” Martin apologized. “This isn’t really my scene… I’m a bit too socially awkward for this sort of thing…”

“Aww, it’s okay Martin,” Candy shouted up at him. She had to raise her voice to be heard. She looked around. “Where’s this restaurant at?” 

“Right over there.” Martin pointed to an establishment with a patio area and outdoor tables under an overhang. Huge, stylized letters illuminated with bright neon red spelled “Bucky’s” over the entryway. Martin waited for the seating hostess to arrive. After a minute, she hustled over, hands full of silverware and menus, wearing a bright red dress with a white apron. She had curly auburn hair and long, slender limbs. 

“Welcome to Bucky’s! Would you like to sit at a table, or at the bar?” she asked, slightly out of breath. 

Martin glanced over at the crowded bar, which was brimming with boisterous Giants. “We’ll take a table.” 

“We...?” She finally noticed Candy, and her demeanor changed. She became very excited and animated. “Oh, a human! Did you see one of our job ads? Are you here to apply?” 

“That’s... no?” Candy replied, flustered. She hadn’t expected this development. 

The seating hostess gestured for Martin to follow her. “Well, you should consider it. This is a great place to work! We’re desperate to hire humans right now, but we haven’t attracted any yet! In fact, I can set you up with an interview with the restaurant owner, right now!” She guided Martin over to a table, dropping a bundle of silverware and a menu in front of him. Without waiting for a response, she proclaimed, “I’ll go grab Bucky for you right away!” She rushed off. Martin and Candy stared after her, at a loss for words. 

The pair hardly had time to process what was going on before a portly, perspiring Giant with a round, sanguine face, thinning blond hair, and a mustache ran over to their table. He wore the male equivalent of the garish restaurant uniform, with a red shirt and white pants. “You want to work here?” he questioned Candy gruffly as he wiped his sweaty forehead on his sleeve. 

“Um... ah...” Candy sputtered. “I wasn’t planning on it... I mean, I already have a job...” 

The manager leaned over her. “We can pay you in Small Stacks. I’m aware that other Giant businesses don’t do that yet. What do you think? I can at least give you a tour and show you the kitchen.” 

Candy was unsure, but the promise of being paid in money she could actually use was alluring. “Well... maybe...” 

“Great!” Bucky announced. Without warning, he grabbed Candy in his fat sausage fingers. She let out a yelp of shock as he carried her away into a swinging door marked “Employees Only,” with the seating hostess and a few waitresses following behind him with unnatural interest. Martin was too stunned to react. He blinked a few times, tapped the table with his fingers, and looked around the restaurant apprehensively. Something about the whole interaction felt suspicious. He didn’t feel right about this place. Alarm bells were going off in his head, but he couldn’t consciously place why. 

Candy found herself in a Giant kitchen, surrounded by Giants, hot steam, cacophonous clattering and sizzling, and the varied smells of food cooking. Bucky was yelling things to her, introducing some of the greasy cooks and waitresses and talking about the kinds of food the restaurant served, but Candy was too disoriented to take in what he was saying. 

“Now time for your interview,” the heavyset, ruddy Giant shouted at her, throwing her on a metal countertop. He grabbed a gigantic plate and set it down next to her with a loud clink. He followed it up with two thick slices of toasted rye bread, lettuce, tomato, onion, and cheese, which he hastily slapped together. Candy watched with increasing anxiety. She took a few steps back. 

“You know, I think I changed my mind...” she uttered, but she didn’t get a chance to run before she was splatted in the face and down her body with mustard. “Ugh!” she cried, wiping the mustard off her face with her hands. The Giant snatched her up and flung her into the sandwich, tossing the other slice of bread on top of her and clamping his massive chubby hands down on either side so she couldn’t escape. 

“Stop!” Candy screeched in terror. “What are you doing?” 

“If you’re going to be one of our entrées, I have to do a taste test to see if your flavor is compatible with our food,” the Giant explained, grinning. He licked saliva off his lips. The other employees who had been following him around the kitchen and knew what was coming watched with fascination. “I have a feeling you’ll be a huge hit with our customers!” Candy screamed in protest and wriggled, but she was clamped down in the sandwich and could only watch in terror as the Giant’s mouth yawned open in front of her. She was greeted by a dripping red maw full of craggy yellow teeth, a thick meaty tongue, and a wide dark gullet eager to swallow her. A gust of foul warm breath hit her face and she almost gagged. 

“Hold on!” one of the employees exclaimed. “You forgot to give her a pill to take. She won’t survive your stomach.” 

Bucky shrugged his thick mountainous shoulders. “Oh well. Obviously, she doesn’t want to work here anyways.” The Giant was too ravenous to hold himself back any longer. He opened his enormous mouth wide and shoved the sandwich inside, taking a prodigious bite around Candy’s tiny body. Candy cried out in fear as she was enveloped in humid darkness, the formidable teeth crunching down into the sandwich all around her. Mercifully, none of her limbs were severed. The sandwich around her was demolished by the teeth, and she struggled to stay away from their crushing force as she was jostled about by the chewing motion of the Giant’s jaws. He gulped the mush down, and Candy thrashed back in horror as she watched the masticated sandwich get sucked down into the void below, with the knowledge that she would soon disappear down the gullet as well. She imagined she could almost hear the gurgling gastric juices echoing from far below, calling for her to fall in. The Giant rolled her around on his tongue a bit, slurping off the mustard and tasting her. 

“Wow!” his voice thundered all around her, rising from his huge larynx in his throat. “She tastes like caramel! I’ve never tasted a human so sweet! What a shame, that she doesn’t want to work here.” His mouth filled up with drool in response to her flavor, and Candy found herself fully soaked in a river of smelly saliva. 

From outside, one of the Giant cooks sniggered, “She’ll meet a fitting end, with the illustrious honor of winding up in Bucky’s belly!” His joke was met with several chuckles. The boss’s propensity for gluttony, especially when humans were involved, was notorious. It was the reason he had opened a restaurant centered around gobbling up humans in the first place, after all. Bucky belted out a hearty laugh himself, with his mouth still full, and slurped the human toward the back of his mouth. 

“Martin! Help!” Candy wailed uselessly as she slid down the curve of the Giant’s massive tongue into the entrance to his throat. She tried to latch on to a huge molar, or anything to arrest her fall, but the inside of his mouth was smooth and slick, and her hands weren’t able to grip anything. The throat muscles closed around her legs as the Giant swallowed her, and she was plunged down the long tube to his stomach. 

While this spectacle was playing out in the kitchen, Martin waited impatiently at the table. He couldn’t shake his instinctive feeling that something was wrong. To distract himself, he opened up the menu and took a peek inside. His face went deathly pale. Advertised front and center, with a big “Coming Soon!” label, was a prominent picture of a smiling human woman in a seductive pose sitting on a mountain of oversized chicken wings, smothered in buffalo sauce. Martin jumped up so fast his knees hit the bottom of the table, rattling the cutlery. He raced into the door where they had taken Candy, not heeding the sign, into the kitchen. 

Martin dodged restaurant employees who tried to stop him as he scoured the kitchen for Candy. He saw a crowd of Giants and made a beeline for them. His worst suspicions were confirmed when he saw the restaurant owner holding a sandwich with a big, foreboding bite taken out of it. Without hesitation, he plowed through the gathering of red and white and smashed his fist into Bucky’s midsection, hoping desperately he wasn’t too late. Bucky doubled over with a groan. The other employees cursed and shouted with surprise, though they weren’t entirely unhappy with seeing their unsavory boss get punched in the gut. 

Bucky coughed and gagged, and to Martin’s relief spat up a shivering Candy, who immediately curled up into a ball upon hitting the floor, making herself as small as possible. Martin snatched her up in his hands, clutched her to his chest, and sprinted away in a panic. On his way out, he had just enough clarity of thought to grab a handful of paper napkins. He ran until he was certain nobody was following him after causing such a commotion. Breathing hard, heart pounding, he ducked into a secluded area and opened his hand to check on Candy. She was still shaking and seized up into a tiny ball. He touched her with his finger and she cringed away instinctively. Martin’s heart broke at the sight. 

“Candy, are you okay?” he asked her softly. 

“M-martin?” Candy whispered. She looked up at him, eyes brimming with tears. “Oh, Martin! Thank the stars you were there! The manager ate me… I thought I was going to die...” 

“I’m so sorry, Candy,” Martin expressed with regret. “If I had known, I would have never taken you there! I didn’t mean to put you in danger.” He felt terrible. Yet again, he had nearly gotten Candy killed. At least this time he hadn’t been the one to ingest her. He did his best to dry her off with the napkins he brought, but the unpleasant odor of the inside of Bucky’s mouth remained on her. Martin wondered if Candy would be better off without him. With a Giant, dumb oaf like him taking her around to dangerous places, Candy was at constant risk, and that was unacceptable to him. 

“Please, just take me home, Martin,” Candy requested. “I’ve lost my appetite.” 

Chapter 22

Chapter 1

[candy-floss-crazy]

We recently added Gourmet burgers to our line up of catering options. On top of the usual cheeseburger, and bacon etc, we added some options a little more quirky. Things such as nacho's, sushi and such like. However the burgers listed here are way beyond what we consider quirky and definitely venture inot the weird burgers catagory.. 1 The Cronut Burger A fusion of sweet and savoury this one. A beef patty with cheese, between the cheeks of a sugary doughnut. A Canadian invention, between a pastry shop Le Dolci, and Epic Burger and Waffles for the Canadian National Exhibition. This one looks like it could be tasty, however it didn't have a happy ending. One of the ingredients sourced for the burger, maple jam, was contaminated with staphylococcus aureus causing 150 people at the show to fall ill. Still looks tasty, but we'd go light on the jam. 2 The Quadruple Bypass Burger A 9982 calorie bohemoth, even by American standards. Two pound of beef, twenty rashers of bacon, eight cheese slices, a whole tomato and half an onion, in a bum coated with lard. It is served at the heart attack grill founded in 2005 in Tempe Arizona. Everything they do is along the same theme. With flatliner fries, double and triple bypass burgers for those who can't face this one, and bigger burgers up to octuple bypass. They even have cigarettes and high fat shakes on the menu. The restaurant has a hospital theme, with doctors taking the order and nurses waiting the tables. Sexily dressed nurses at that. It's as if someone set out to be as controversial as possible. 3 Yorkshire Pudding Burger A fusion of traditional Sunday roast with the fast food convenience of a burger. This one is a giant Yorkshire pud with a burger inside. For those who don't know the Yorkshire pudding isn't actually a pudding. It is served most often as a constituent of a typical Sunday dinner. However it also works well as a starter with onion gravy. The supersized version here is 5000 calories. 4 Fried Frog Black Burger No matter how crazy you can think of making something. The Japanese are guaranteed to out crazy you. They make some really weird burgers. This time it is the Orbi Yokohama museum, who offer up this culinary masterpiece. A full fried frog burger. They aren't content with just the out there filling. They also add in a bun made from bamboo charcoal that is jet black. 5 Russia Rat Burger Take a look at the burger above, quite innocuous isn't it? Something you would probably enjoy at many a typical burger joint. Only it isn't. It's a rat burger. Well, not your usual Rattus rattus that you don't want to see anywhere near a restaurant. But a Coypu, or 'River Rat'. The animal breeds at a super fast rate, making it ideal as a food crop. A case of if you can't beat them eat them. A specialty of a Russian chef at a high end eterie in Moscow. 6 Wimpy's Braille Burger In the days when I was a kid, before the all conquering McDonalds swept the nation. Wimpy was THE burger joint. We spent may a happy time in Wimpy's around the country. Truth be told, I think their quarterpounders were far better than the McD equivalent. This burger was part of an experiential marketing campaign to promote it's new braille menu in South Africa. Reaching over 800,000 blind people across the nation with their braille embossed burgers. 7 Whole Damn Farm Burger If you are the sort of person who can't make their mind up over beef or chicken. Then this one is for you. Made from beed, chicken, ham, pork and bacon. About the calorie loading of four big Macs, this is perfect for the indecisive. From Manchester's Splendid Kitchen, a sadly now defunct American style eatery. 8 Hellfire Burger This is one hot burger. By hot, we don't mean as in fashion, or as in very attractive. We mean hot! Measuring over 1 million on the Scoville heat scale. For comparison, some law enforcement pepper sprays can be quite effective at half that. Topped by six different chillies, and smothered in hot sauce, you not only have to be over 18, but also need to sign a medical waiver before they will serve it to you. The whole thing is served to you on fire. A creation of the Xtreme Smokehouse and Grill in Washington Iowa. 9 Southern Comfort Stuffed Burger Slathered with booze spiked sauce. The Southern Comfort is stuffed with mac and cheese wrapped in bacon, then topped with Southern Heat potato chips. Its the Southern Comfort and Peach infused BBq sauce that gives it the special tang. A product of the Nook in Atalanta. 10 Waffle Burger Available from lots of places, this is another fusion of sweet and savoury. Fluffy Belgian waffle goodness, surrounding a beef patty, along with egg and bacon. The perfect breakfast to start the day. 11 Wrapped Pizza Burger A bacon cheeseburger wrapped in a pepperoni pizza. 1360 calories of succulent burger heaven. This frankenburger was a product of Boston's Restaurant and Sports Bar. Available at more than 40 US restaurants and it's Canadian franchise. Although not the healthiest of burgers it still comes nowhere near the big guys records like the Heart Attack Grill, they are some seriously weird burgers. 12 Arby's Meat Mountain Originally created as a poster to advertise the fact that the restaurant sold more than beef. It was soon being requested by it's customers and ended up being a firm favourite on the menu. Consisting of two chicken burgers, three strips of bacon, a slice of swiss and cheddar cheeses, roast turkey, ham, corned beef, roast beef, brisket and Angus steak. 13 Super Duper Bacon Burger What can be said about this monstrosity. It's bacon, served with bacon, topped by bacon, with a bacon garnish. I suppose if you like bacon then this is heaven, if you don't then you've ordered the wrong meal. Michigan's Tony's I-75 Restaurant is definitely a destination for pork lovers. 14 Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger If you are going to mix burgers with a dessert you might as well make it with one of your favourites. Two Krispy Kreme doughnuts, three beef patties and three slices of cheese. Nuff said. 15 The Grilled Cheese Burger Take a grilled cheese sandwich. well, take two of them in fact. Place your burger between them and you have a whole new class of frankenburger. Coming from an American chain (where else), Friendly's on the East coast. 16 Deep Fried Double Twinky Burger Whilst you can rely on the Japanese to come up with the craziest concoctions. You can rely on the Americans to come up with stuff designed to clog your arteries. Take a pork belly patty, with cheese and bacon and sandwich it between two deep fried twinkies and you have another masterpiece from Philadelphia's PYT. Which is almost as weird as 17 Spaghetti Burger This, their spaghetti burger. Slathered in marinara sauce, with a mozzarella stuffed meatball patty, red sauce, parmesan flakes and spaghetti in a garlic butter bun. This looks like a weird burger 18 Beer Batter Burger From Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Pennsylvania. A battered burger with all the trimmings. Oh and the batter is made with beer for extra taste. Also available from them as a 25lb challenge burger for two. 19 Alphabet Burger This sandwich contains 26 toppings, each one starting with a different letter of the alphabet. - Avocado - Bacon - Cheese - Doritos - Egg - Fish sticks - Garlic bread - Ham - Italian sausage patty - Jalapeño peppers - Krispy Kreme doughnut - Lettuce - Macaroni and cheese - Noodles - Onion rings - Pepperoni - Queso blanco dip - Ramen noodles - Spinach - Turkey burger - Usingers bratwurst - Veal Parmesan - Waffle - Xylocarp (coconut) - Yams - Zucchini I don't know what to say. I am stunned, I know how the prophets felt when they saw the burning bush, or the first pot noodle was invented. The W should stand for weird burgers. 20 Hot Fudge Sundae Burger I don't know if it is a symptom of the modern world, this rush to get your meal out of the way as soon as possible. But this is another stomach churning attempt to fuse mains with dessert. Take a perfectly good beef burger and add vanilla ice cream and hot fudge sauce. Take a bow McGuires Irish Pub of Pensacola. 21 White Trash Burger Named after the outlets signature dips called white trash. This includes cheese, green chillies, jalapenos, diced tomatoes, diced onions and tortilla chips, with a stack of beer battered onion rings. If you want one then you need to head over to the Bukowski Tavern in boston. 22 Bacon Wrapped Macaroni and Cheese Bun Burger I'm not sure if this is a burger, or an abstract artwork. Mac and cheese wrapped in strips of bacon and used as the bun for a cheeseburger. Not as outlandish or vomit inducing as some on the this list, I could probably eat this. 23 Slaters Merica Burger Oh Kay, a third of a pound of ground bacon made into a patty, bacon american cheese, egg, thick cut bacon and bacon island dressing on a bacon pretzel bun. Basically you need to like bacon to eat this one. It was reportedly too salty to finish which is saying something when many a burger on this list has a couple of grams or more of salt without any reports of them being salty. 24 The Mario Burger A little bit of green dye, some circles of cheese and you have a gamers treat. 25 The Fat Sandwich Burger This one looks like a complete meal in a bun. I am surprised that they haven't stuck a doughnut or a dollop of ice cream in to round it off. From the Fat Sandwich Company in Illinois Candy Floss Crazy Gourmet Burgers 1 Person 2 Burgers 2 Not really part of the list, our burgers are relatively sane. If you want something on the list I am sure our catering team can put it together for you, but if what you want is a range of delicious non heart attack inducing gourmet burgers for your wedding, party or event. Then check out our burger service. Oh and the picture above is actually two burgers, he was a greedy sod. Have them served from one of our quirky food trucks for an extra twist. Read the full article

[random-imagines-blog]

Never Say Die {Severus Snape x Reader Oneshot}

Requested by: Anonymous Wordcount: 2626 Summary: Sometimes being in close proximity to a person for an extended period of time can bring out strong feelings.

The world had just become a scarier place. The great man, Dumbledore himself, was falling to his death from the tower of the school that he had run for decades. And you were standing behind the man that had his wand still drawn, and had whispered the killing spell. You breathed out as it was done, the task that the dark lord had sent your brother to do, that he had failed. You reached for him, for Draco, pulling him close and down the stairs as the others ran towards the window to make sure that Dumbledore was truly dead. Bellatrix yelled, and a light shot out of her wand. The Dark Mark, no doubt, filling up the sky. The mission was complete, but you feared for Draco. It was supposed to have come from his wand. You hurried down the stairs, hand on his shoulder, and Severus was close behind you. The murderer of the greatest man, and the biggest hope that the world had of defeating Lord Voldemort, gone from this earth. Your heart was down in your stomach, and you felt more and more sick with every step that you took. But you had to carry on.

“Hurry, hurry,” You hissed, pushing your brother along, his bright silver hair, the same hair you had, creating a beacon in the darkness. He went, nearly tripping, until you made it to the bottom of the stairs, and crashed through the doors. You had to get out of here before people saw. You had to make your escape before the three of you were killed for what you had just done - but maybe you deserved it, you thought. Maybe you should be grabbed by these professors that you had adored over the years, and face the consequences for your actions.

Clad in black, the three of you ran from the school. The other deatheaters, the ones that were truly terrifying, would be chasing soon. The death mark was above the school, you didn’t need to turn your head as you fled to see it. You could feel it. It was burning on your arm, like it was on Draco’s, like it was on Severus’s.

As soon as you were beyond the perimeter of the school, before the aurors and the ministry would report to deal with the death of Dumbledore and attempt to find out how the death eaters had gotten in, you teleported with the two. Severus had set up a safe house for you three to cool down after the murder. Reporting straight to Lord Voldemort now was too risky. And staying at the school was out of the question.

The house was dark, dingy, but livable. A mutter of lumos and you were able to see your way around, and light up the place. It was small, two bedrooms, but it was the best that you could come up with given the short notice and the secrecy. You were just planning on sharing with Draco, but he went running into one of the bedrooms, and locked the door behind him. You sighed and sat down on the couch, supposing you would take that. You were exhausted, and your heart hurt more than anything. Severus sat beside you, rubbing his temples with his fingertips.

“You did what you had  to do, Severus,” You said, your voice just barely above a whisper. “And you saved my brother’s life - thank you.”

He looked over at you, his face looking worn and aged, more so than you had remembered when you had merely been his pupil, years ago. He hadn’t looked as old then, nor as tired. Things have been hard since the war had started back up, and it was taking its toll on everyone. You weren’t exactly the fresh faced blonde that you had been during your school days. He didn’t say anything to you, only looked, and then nodded. You laid your head down on the back of the couch, and fell asleep surprisingly easily after the rush of the night. The emotions that you were feeling were still welling up, and you needed that escape, even for a few hours.

--

You three continued to hide out together over the next couple of days. When you had woken up after that first night, you had found that you were in the second bedroom, where you did not remember falling asleep. Severus, as you had found out, had carried you there himself after you had passed out on the couch. He then had taken the place he forced you to vacate. It turned into a thing between the two of you. Whoever fell asleep first would get moved. You had to use magic, not being as strong as he was, but the premise stood. You ended up tucking each other in every night.

You noticed many things about him while staying at the safe house, and the big one was how guilty he felt over what he had done. Killing Dumbledore was a huge step for him, and he was taking it hard. Your brother was as well, not really leaving the room that he had claimed as his own, except to use the bathroom and when you forced him to eat. But Severus was taking it especially hard, which confirmed your suspicions. That your Lord, the Dark Lord, was not his true one, just as he was not yours. It was nothing that you could say aloud, for even invoking such a conversation was dangerous, but you wanted to make sure that he knew you felt the same.

He spent a lot of time on the sofa, staring blankly ahead, or picking one of the books off the teetering shelf and scanning through it. “Severus,” You cleared your throat, putting the bags of muggle fast food on the table. You were the one who usually made the runs for it, since it was easier for you to disguise yourself than it was for these two. Severus would draw a lot of attention upon himself just for walking down the street. He set the book down beside the greasy bags and looked up at you, that pain still in his eyes. It broke your heart to see it there. “Are you going to be alright?”

He looked a little puzzled at your question. But then he slowly nodded and went for the bag of food. It still seemed unfamiliar to him. He couldn’t figure out how to open the cardboard container with the burger in it without spilling it everywhere. He ended up resorting to a spell to get it to open. Before he could do that today, you opened it for him, and put it in front of him. “Thank you,” He muttered.

“You’re welcome,” You said. You knocked on Draco’s door to let him know that you had brought food, and you barely got a grunt in response. You sighed and sat down on the sofa next to Severus, sliding your own bag over. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with the two of you.”

“Excuse me?” Severus asked, in his deep voice.

You looked at him, square in those dark eyes of his. This was the first honest to God eye contact that you had with him since Dumbledore’s death, and you weren’t going to waste the opportunity. “You heard me. I’m upset about what happened to, and it’s shite that it went down that way but sulking around isn’t going to solve anything. Do you think the Order are just staring at walls, or do you think they’re working on a plan?”

“It is too late, the Order has lost,” Severus said, thin-lipped. You shook your head at him, not believing that for a second.

“Has anyone tried to tell them that?” You asked. “I guarantee you they are not sitting on couches, doing nothing at all. We’re part of this, Severus. And - and I would rather continue on my mission and fight against evil even if that means that I get caught and killed for being a traitor. Draco doesn’t get that, but I know that you are old enough to. So come on, snap out of this, we have to do something.”

“I’m due back at the school,” Severus admitted to me. “I got my mission while you were out.”

“Back to - what do they expect for you to do there?”

“Run it.” He said, sighing. It was such a sad noise to come from such a man. While you were his pupil, you had idolized him. Sure, he was always a bit of a grumpy old prat but he was brilliant. And he was powerful. After a long minute, you scooched closer to him and rested your head against his shoulder.

“Then we’ll come with you,” You whispered. “Any of the students who go back aren’t going to trust you. You’re going to need help watching your back.”

“We’ll have to wait and see what the Dark Lo-”

“I told you, I’m coming with you - and Draco is probably going to be sent back to the school anyway. I’ll talk to the Dark Lord myself about it if I have to.”

“Why?” Severus asked, his eyebrows furrowing. Seeing him like that, with a McDonalds burger in his hands, and a confused expression was enough to make you start to sigh.

“Because we’re in this together. You and me,” You told him. A thick silence hung in the air, and it remained uninterrupted, even as Severus put his food down, and tentatively, like he had never done such a motion before, put his hand on your knee.

“Thank you,” He said, and you could tell that these were words that he didn’t use very often. You moved your head away to face him, and your lips lightly brushed against his. You hadn’t realized that he was leaning in so close. And you didn’t actually hate the feeling.

Your lips tingled as they caught his again. He had frozen once he registered what had happened, but then slowly, achingly so, his lips moved against yours into something that could only be called a kiss. It was short, but it was definitely sweet, and when you moved back away from it, he still had that furrowed brow.

It was only then that the silence was interrupted by an owl fluttering against one of the darkened windows. Your orders had finally arrived. You would be going back to Hogwarts.

--

You finally felt like you could breathe, despite the dust that was still in the air from the fallen down walls, and the scent of blood and death. There was great loss here, but it was over, and Tom Riddle, Lord Voldemort, The Dark Lord, You-Know-Who, whatever you wanted to call him, was gone.

Your mother, father and brother had run from the scene, to hide from the Ministry, until they would claim that they were under the imperius curse or something similar. But as you had shown from your frustration at being cooped up, you were not the run and hide type of person. You walked among the wounded and the injured, looking for one face in particular, and ran to his side when you finally saw him.

“He’s in pretty rough shape,” McGonagall said from behind you. You didn’t turn to face her, but you nodded, seeing it for yourself. He wasn’t conscious, but he was breathing, his chest still rising up and down. He had deep marks in his neck where Nagini had bitten him. The rumor was that he had died for a second, before something made him fight against it, and cause his heart to start beating again. But that second of death was enough for Voldemort to wield the Elder Wand. But he was defeated, it was all in the past, and you were going to look toward the future.

“I’ll take care of him,” You said, brushing a black lock out of his face. “I promise.”

--

You were cleared by the Ministry after an Inquiry. You were not pretending to have been under the Imperius Curse, but many Hogwarts students, those that survived the war, spoke up on your behalf. While you were there, watching over Draco and over Severus, you had been working on keeping them safe. You smuggled out letters to their parents that they could not send because the Owlry was under observation. And you worked on getting the younger students somewhere safe, and setting barrier charms around them so that the destruction could not come close. You weren’t going to get a medal for your service or anything, but at least you had your freedom. The ministry would be watching your upcoming career closely, however, for any signs of slipping into the dark arts. They had nothing to fear from you, and you would prove that to them. For now, you were just at a Malfoy safe house that hadn’t been seized, and were nursing Severus back to health.

He was still on bedrest, but he was eating, and drinking, and reading again. So essentially back to the mopey Severus that you had gotten to know while you were in hiding. You brought him in a sandwich today, one that you made yourself. He showed a lot of distaste over fast food, so you were getting none of that. Just real food for him.

“Miss Malfoy,” Severus said, setting his book down on the bed as you walked inside. You raised your eyebrow at the formality, and set the food down on the little propped up tray you had for him to help him eat better.

“You could just call me by my first name now. I’m not calling you Professor Snape, or even Mister Snape.”

“Ahh - I suppose not,” Severus said. You sat on the edge of the bed, leaning in to tuck a napkin into the collar of his shirt. “Y/N,” He said, instead.

“Yes, Severus?”

He cleared his throat, something that I rarely heard him do before. “I loved once.”

“Harry’s mother, I know,” You said with a nod. You had heard the rumors before. And it was quite tragic, having unrequited love, as you had been finding out recently. Severus nodded back in return, his food going untouched.

“And I have held onto that ... always.” Another long pause. You sat there, watching him, waiting for him to find the words for whatever it was that he wanted to say, because it couldn’t be just that. It would hurt too much if that was it. “I don’t talk about emotions.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“But I want to,” He looked like he was having a very rough time getting these words out, so you stayed quiet, sitting next to him. “I suppose that I am trying to say that I care about you.”

“You suppose?” You asked, then realized that it was the wrong thing to say. He looked a little wounded, like you were making fun, though that wasn’t your intention. “Severus, I love you. And if you’re trying to say it back, just say it.”

“I ... love you.” He said. You smiled, leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. You didn’t want to overwhelm him right now, though that was all that you wanted to do. Push that tray away, straddle him and -

Deep breath. “And I you,” You told him again. “Now eat, please, I don’t want to spend anymore time worrying about you.”

[sourwormsaresour]

Hc's on La Squadra's favourite foods?

Sorry this took a while! Finals are right around the corner and I wanted to to look up foods to make sure I was presenting them accurately. 

Illuso, the proud Spaniard he is, is a paella connoisseur. The man has a huge paella pan specifically to make paella and he spends his spare time perfecting the art of making the best paella in the world. Every summer once a year he brings the pan out, orders a ton of ingredients, and makes a large batch of paella for the team to eat in a nearby park. Weeks or even months before "paella day" Illuso would be ordering ingredients in advance, and spend hours preparing everything. He would even go as far as grinding the saffron himself, making the broth early in the morning, and refusing anyone else from helping. Formaggio and Ghiaccio constantly whine about how long it takes, to which Illuso always replies “Paella doesn't wait for anyone- YOU wait for it.” But it’s all worth it in the end when the sun is setting and everyone's huddled around the open fire chowing down on paella and drinking alcohol they bought from the nearby liquor store. Illuso wouldn't say this out loud, but he loves these moments with his team.

Prosciutto doesn’t have a specific favorite food but anything rich and heavy or similar to classic French cuisine is his go-to meal- maybe Cabernet Braised Short-Ribs with Creamy Mash Potatoes to soak up all that sauce. He loves the kind of big meals that you would love to take your time eating late into the night and pair with a glass of wine. Growing up, he had a tough relationship with food because his mother often controlled what and how much he could eat; being a child actor also didn't help. So it took him a while to rebuild that relationship into something healthier, and that led him to like foods that can guarantee a nice food coma afterward. He doesn’t eat these types of foods often though (he still has those feelings of guilt when he eats them) and prefers his comas to be undisturbed, but he will eat these foods on occasion. He and Formaggio are food coma buddies and you would often find them after a big meal napping on the same couch together. Sometimes the other members join along too. 

Gelato is a soup lover and loves a classic Minestrone on a cold day. As a kid growing up poor and having to care for his siblings ever since he was young, Gelato quickly learned how to make meals given whatever was available. Hot soup was the easiest and often quickest thing to make that used leftovers and can keep his siblings and his bellies full and bodies warm during the winter, so soup became his go-to for cooking and ultimately his comfort food. Gelato would often make soups in his spare time as a way to also destress and cook at night with minimal noise complaints. He loves all types of soups: bisques, creams, broths, purees, chowders, anything that's warm that you can sip is a soup for him to eat. He also goes heavy on seasoning, mainly because it helps hide bad flavors that might have come from the leftovers but also sees having access to fresh spices as a sort of wealth status in his eyes. Whenever the team is in a financial pinch, Gelato makes soups to mitigate costs on food and they often end up being very tasty in the end.  

Melone likes Palak Paneer and Saag Paneer, but he also loves to eat anything South Indian or vegetarian South Asian. This is mainly because his meals are often plant-based and he loves spicy foods in general. Melone likes to incorporate various types of spices into his meals and learned how to make South Indian food himself using local ingredients. He and Illuso would often visit Lombardy or Rome to shop for spices, which lets them interact with the South Asian communities of Italy frequently. You can catch them often gossiping with the local aunties or exchanging recipes with the grandmothers they got to know. One of his favorite pastimes is trying new recipes he learned from them, experimenting with spices into other foods, or making fusion foods based on recipes he learned; it's usually a hit or miss, but it’s often an adventure to get there. Melone occasionally flexes on his teammates for handling spicy foods better than everyone. 

Risotto has a major sweet tooth, so his favorite foods are desserts. In particular, he loves Pastiera and always looks forward to them during Easter when his aunt makes them. From the crumbly crust to the orange flower scent that fills his nose whenever he takes a bite, Risotto enjoys every bit of it. Ever since he began work as an assassin, he's been trying to find bakeries that can make the same Pastiera he loved and even tried to make it himself; all turned out to be bust. Nothing beats his aunt's version and he honestly can't bake if his life depended on it. Yet every year around Easter time, Headquarters gets a mysterious delivery of Pastieras with no address that surprisingly tasted like Risotto's aunt's recipe. Everyone assumed one of the neighborhood grandmothers decided to give them an Easter present and testing the dessert showed no traces of poison or anything malicious. Yet Risotto knew where the Pastiera came from. Despite the memories of his past often bringing sadness whenever he remembered them, eating the Pastiera every Easter always put a smile on his face.

Sorbet is a stickler for authentic Carbonara. However, you have to make it exactly like it should be made: with the best guanciale, expensive Pecorino Romano, fresh handmade pasta, nothing more or less. Sorbet himself isn't a great cook but he knows how to make carbonara and would often make it whenever the ingredients needed are available. He refuses to substitute anything in the recipe and will savagely criticize you if you use regular bacon or, God forbid, garlic, in your carbonara. Like some of the other members, Sorbet would also spend his time perfecting his recipe, but doesn't do it as much due to the simplicity of Carbonara's ingredients and his refusal to add anything that would ruin the authenticity of the dish. However, nothing can beat his mother's carbonara. He hopes that one day he could make a carbonara that is just as good as hers. 

Formaggio loves to eat Pizza Fritta. He grew up eating a lot of processed, high-carb foods as a child in the working-class due to convenience and cost. Both his parents worked long hours and struggled to get by often, which made him eat premade foods often and make do with it. As a result, he finds foods that are full of carbs very comforting and once thought he invented something when he fried pizza dough for the first time. That's when he discovered Pizza Fritta and often made it because it filled him up quicker, has more richness and flavor than "healthy" foods, and fried food is just addicting to eat. At one point he made it a business that he ran with his childhood friends where they would make Pizza Frittas but then stopped when they realized they weren't selling well. Formaggio still enjoys eating and making them, experimenting with whatever toppings he can get his hands-on, and he has his own "secret" dough recipe he refused to give out. Sometimes he makes batches to give out to the team and would steal ingredients from the other team members whenever he makes them. They always tell him he could just ask for ingredients but he never does.

Pesci's ideal meal would involve eating whatever fish he just caught after a long fishing day and maybe some premade side dishes to accompany it. Growing up in a family of fishermen led him to enjoy the experience of waking up in the early morning to go out to sea, catch fish into the noon, and returning to the beach where you set up a grill or fire pit to cook your dinner. Depending on the fish and how the grill or fire pit is set up, Pesci loves to cook it in any way he can: grilled on a stick, steamed with herbs, fried up in thick batter, anything you can think of. Prosciutto and Risotto often join him on his fishing excursions, mainly because they're the only ones who can tolerate the constant waiting that fishing had and the aesthetic of fishing and cooking your food without fancy equipment (looking at you Illuso), but Pesci doesn't mind it. He's just glad that he has some friends to join in and keep him company when he’s at sea. Prosciutto and Risotto would fish along with him, but let Pesci work his magic when it comes to cooking the food afterward. 

Ghiaccio is down to have a really good hamburger with everything on it- the kind that has a juicy fresh patty, melted cheese, flavorful sauce, and crisp vegetables to balance everything out. Like Prosciutto, he also grew up with a controlled diet; it was more of not allowing him to eat foods that would compromise his health, like processed sugars and unnecessary carbs. Ghiaccio never had a chance to try certain foods until he became an assassin and now he loves eating things he wasn't allowed to eat before. He's still conscious about what he eats because he's still into having a healthy and athletic lifestyle, but he loves that feeling of rebellion when he's eating what looks like fast food. Late-night drives involve him getting an order of burgers and fries and eating them while speeding down the freeway; one hand on the steering wheel, the other holding his burger. He also loves a good chicken sandwich, and would probably cry in joy if he ever had a chance to try In-and-Out or Chick-Fil-A. 

[levineseth]

The Fancy Food Sucked

Book: Red Carpet Diaries

Pair: Seth Levine x MC (Gemma)

Summary: The Hollywood life is just not cutting it for Gemma. And Seth can fix that.

Note: can you guys believe i actually did it!!!?

———

Seth was going to lose his mind. Actually, it was probably already lost and the last twenty minutes guaranteed he was never going to find it again.

He crumbled up yet another paper and tossed it across the room into the trash can. Two hours had passed since he first sat down and he didn’t have a single joke for his set next week. He got up from his seat at the table, grumbling to himself, and walked towards his kitchen window. He needed some air.

As he flipped the locks open on the top of the window, his eyes focused on a sleek black car idling on the street. And his eyes got bigger as he watched Gemma and Matt freaking Rodriguez step out of the car.

He didn’t want to and he knew he shouldn’t watch them, but he couldn’t make himself walk away from the window. The unfamiliar feeling in his stomach was overwhelming and finally made him turn away. He grabbed his jacket and headed upstairs to the roof.

The cool night air hit his face as soon as the door opened. He was glad that the sun had gone down already and the heat of the day had dissipated. It allowed him to take a few breaths as his brain began to run overtime.

Sure, he thought that he and Gemma had really hit it off the day she moved in. But then Hollywood and Matt Rodriguez came along. And how could he compete with that? And did he even want to try?

He didn’t even get a chance to ponder these thoughts when he heard the door to the roof open.

“Room for one more?” he heard Gemma ask as she approached.

Wordlessly, he scooted over and patted the cold ground next to him. She sat close- the fabric of her dress brushing the sleeve of his jacket.

“Sooo...” she said. “How was your day?”

He let out a small laugh and responded, “It was not my best.”

He face scrunched in concern. And he hated that he found that cute.

“What happened?”

“Comedian blues,” he answered, waving a hand in the air to convey it wasn’t a big deal. “How was your day, though? Any fun Hollywood stories?”

It was her turn to laugh. “Well, Matt and I went to dinner at this crazy fancy place and you would never guess but food that costs more actually tastes awful! We....”

She continued talking but Seth was clinging to one part of her story- Matt and I. Matt and I. He didn’t listen to what she said past that so he was surprised when he heard, “...Seth?”

He looked at her, eyes searching her face for some context clues on what she was talking about so he could fake a response. What he saw, however, was that she was looking for something in his face as well- the corners of her eyes creased in worry.

“You didn’t hear what I said, did you?”

He grimaced before responding, “I’m sorry.”

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay today?”

“I’m fine! I’ve just got like a thousand things running through my brain right now.”

That was a lie, of course. The only thing currently on his mind was the girl sitting in front of him.

“Okay..” she shrugged. “What I was saying is that the fancy food sucked and I’m still hungry. Want to go grab some burgers? My treat!”

He laughed. “Now see Iowa, this is your first lesson in the Hollywood life- nothing beats In-N-Out.”

She playfully pushed him, giggle ringing in the open air. “So are you coming or not?”

He stood up and held his hand out to her, helping her stand up off the ground. “How could I pass up a chance to spend time with you?”

——

They took the limo Seth had been using to drive people more famous than he could ever hope to be. Gemma sat in the back, lounging on the long seats as she listened to how Seth had tried and failed to write jokes today.

“You think too much,” she said with such finality that he almost didn’t question it.

But instead he let out a “...Huh?”

“You’re in your head! Seth, you’re like the funniest person I know. But for some reason you don’t believe that.”

He was lucky that he was turned towards the road because the blush that came over his face was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him. He cleared his throat and said, “I wish I could have an audience filled with people like you.”

“You’ll have one of me, at least. You know I’ll be there.”

“Really...?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

His blush only deepened. “Thanks, Iowa.”

——

After eating and driving back to their apartment building, Seth parked the limo and turned to Gemma. He gave her a playful smile then climbed through the divider, falling to the floor of the limo with a thud.

“You could have just used the door!”

“Don’t rob me of my Mission Impossible moment, Gem,” he said, brushing his shirt off and sitting next to her.

Gemma stretched her arms above her head and laid down on the bench seat, her head resting on his lap. Instinctively, his fingers found her hair as he began combing through it lightly. The gentle sigh that fell from her lips was all the encouragement he needed. She smiled up at him and the moment was too tender, too intimate that he was looking for a distraction.

He reached out and flipped the switch to open the sun roof- the night sky appearing above them. She turned her attention from him to the stars. They sat in comfortable silence, his fingers still absentmindedly weaving through her hair.

“Seth,” she said quietly, sweetly.

“Hmm?”

She sat up to look him in the eyes. “This was the best part of my day.”

He snorted, obviously sure that she was joking.

“I’m serious!” she insisted, lacing her fingers in his. “This is the most comfortable, relaxed, and happy I’ve been since I woke up.”

“Well I’m.... I’m glad I was a part of it.”

She giggled. “I’m just going to have to say it outright, huh?”

“Say what?”

“You’re the reason I’m so happy.”’

His mouth opened and closed a few times as his brain tried to process what she was saying. She watched him with an amused smile on her face before slowly leaning in and kissing him lightly on the cheek. Then again on his nose. And finally... their lips connected.

Gemma’s arms went around his shoulders and looped together behind his head. His large palms laid flat on her back, holding her close to him. The gentle touches, the raw emotion between them was new and exciting but also a lot to handle for him. Seth pulled away for a second, searching her face for any indication of regret. All he saw was contentment, calmness, and adoration.

“All good?”

“Yeah, uh... yes,” he stammered. “I just can’t believe this is my life right now.”

“I’m making out with a hot comedian in the backseat of a limo. I can’t believe this is my life either.”

“A hot comedian?”

She playfully rolled her eyes and pulled him towards her again. He let out a surprised sound and she laughed breathlessly against his lips. If this were his last day on Earth, he could definitely die happy.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Ateez: First Dates

Kim Hongjoong:

Chill and relaxed.

Probably take you out to a movie theater.

It's out in public, so there's not a lot of pressure of awkward alone moments.

He can use the movie as a conversation topic.

Basically, it's a very relaxed environment.

But you don't have to worry about other people tagging along or interrupting you.

You can still create a lot of intimate moments from this kind of date.

If brave enough, he might even pull that cliche trick of yawning just to put his arm around you.

Afterwards, if you're up to it, he'll take you to grab something to eat.

Nothing too fancy, just something that'll make you two spend more time together.

At the end of the date, he may ask if he could kiss you.

Don't get too excited, he'll just kiss your cheek, it's only the first date.

Will leave feeling so giddy and ready for your next date.

Park Seonghwa:

Classic and elegant.

Fight me, this man here is a gentleman and you'd get nothing less than that.

So fancy dinner at a restaurant it is.

Whips out all the gentleman stuff like a book.

Pulls out your chair for you, opens the door for you, picks you up and makes sure you get home safely, like the movies.

He wants to use this opportunity for you to know each other better.

You don't know this, but he's secretly observing you, taking note of what you like, don't like, little habits of yours.

And he's full on paying attention when you're talking.

Will absolutely not let you pay, don't even try him.

Will you take you on a little stroll after dinner, and will hold your hand, with your permission of course.

Even after he drops you off, he'd still walk you all the way to your door.

And before saying good night, he'd grab your hand and place a kiss on it.

Will schedule the next day right then and there, no waiting with him.

Jeong Yunho:

Fun and adorable.

I see Yunho taking you out on either a fair or an arcade.

They're both very fun activities and guarantee a lot of laughing.

They're also not so formal, so you two will be relaxed.

Plus they include a lot of energy, which he has a lot of.

Will definitely get competitive with any games you play.

Although he'll secretly let you win at times because he loves seeing your sunshine smile.

Will make it his goal to win a stuffed plushie for you

Preferably a puppy one, to remind you of him cause he's puppy.

Will hold your hand most of the time, using the excuse of "there's a lot of people, don't want you getting lost."

But really, he just wants to hold your hand.

Will not kiss you at all on the first date, but will want a hug, a nice long, bear hug.

He's so happy after the first date, he's gonna talk about it for a week.

Kang Yeosang:

Sweet and pure.

Just like the little prince himself, his date with you is gonna be filled with UWUs.

Little picnic at a park is perfect for someone like him.

It's intimate, it's cute and no one around to distract you two.

He just wants to spend time with you, enjoy a beautiful scenery with an equally beautiful person.

And with a nice, healthy meal to enjoy.

He didn't cook it himself, Seonghwa or Yunho probably did. Can't even trust him to fry an egg.

Will probably ask the basic questions everyone asks during a first date.

Favorite color, activity, hobbies, shows, music taste.

Don't judge him, he's shy and actually wants to get to know you.

Is also trying to find common ground with you.

Might whip out one of his drones and show you his skills.

Want to learn how to fly one? He'll show you on the next date.

Choi San:

Cuddly and fluffy.

Think Netflix and chill, but soft and sfw.

So Netflix and cuddles it is.

Filled with pillow forts, yummy snacks, endless options for TV.

And you don't have to worry about dressing up.

Come in your pajamas, it's supposed to be a chill first date, no pressure.

Just you and San spending time together uninterrupted.

Only guest you have is Shiber, and the other plushies he has.

He will cuddle up with you no matter what.

He's shy, but he likes giving affection and loves recieving it.

So don't be shy and cuddle back with him, it'll make him so happy.

Won't take affection too far though, at most he'll just kiss your forehead or temple.

And will absolutely be up for you sleeping over, he wants to wake up next to you.

Song Mingi:

Exciting and extra.

All I thought of with Mingi was "Bowling Date".

Think about it, it's casual, carefree, exciting and you two can be total goof balls.

If you've never gone bowling before, he'd be so sweet, patiently teaching you how.

Uses it as an excuse to put his arms around you.

Even if you do know, he'll say you're doing it wrong and just "help you out."

Every time you score, he's jumping up and down, cheering you on very loudly.

Bowling alleys also have food places inside, so win win situation.

If you get food on the corner of your lips, he'd totally do that cliche thing on wiping it off with his thumb.

He'd stare at you deeply while doing so, before pulling back and blushing like crazy.

He looks confident, but on the inside, he's extremely nervous.

Which is why he's constantly asking if you're enjoying yourself.

He's definitely enjoying himself though, he's having fun with the person he really likes. How could he not enjoy himself?

Jung Wooyoung:

Chaotic and competitive.

What do you get when you mix water, balloons, toy guns and a lot of space?

Water park date.

Seriously, Wooyoung wouldn't want a traditional or soft date.

He wants to have fun, he wants to be his loud self, and he wants to see your wild self.

So expect him to be chaotic from the get go.

He'll be spraying you with his water gun, throwing water balloons at you, even dumping buckets of water on you.

He's not going easy on you and he's not expecting anything less from you.

From the beginning, he wants to see you have fun.

He wants to be with someone who's as energetic and chaotic as him.

So don't shy away from showing your extremely extra self.

It'll make him love you even more.

Because you're willing to get loose around him and it shows that you're comfortable around him.

Choi Jongho:

Extreme and adrenaline filled.

Hope you got the energy, cause he's taking you go cart racing.

He just strucks as the type to want an out of the box first date.

And since bungee jumping and sky diving are more of anniversary dates, he'd settle for go cart racing.

It's awesome, fun and filled with speed.

And no shyness whatsoever in the date, there's no room for that.

And since it's filled with adrenaline and your dopamine levels are high, it means you'll get really hungry.

So you two can spend more time together enjoying burgers and shakes.

That's the perfect time for the conversation part of the date.

Jongho would really enjoy listening to what you're passionate about.

Your hobbies, it's something he wants to know so he can plan out the next date.

Definitely no PDA with him on the first date, he's too shy with that.

Despite his limited dating experience, this date would definitely be amazing.

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[uncloseted]

Hi Christina . So i was reading recently post where anon sharing about her insecurities about her “skinniness” and as much i love and admire most of your responses, but i have to say with all of my respect for you , sorry n sorry that response was completely off and also could be very damaging (!)

As a person who straggled with skinny-shaming my entire life even from my close relatives i could guarantee you that it’s real and society kind of loves to gaslight this topic and has very pathetic double standards about it . So in my case i was born skinny and since i remember myself i was naturally skinny /very important detail i never kept diet for loosing weight my entire life (!) it didn’t ever cross my mind/ anyway , but that doesn’t stop ppl to say stuff like “ are your parents makes you starve ? why you’re so skinny , eat some burger !! poor thing just eat something! ! “ or “ you’re definitely sick .. look this kid have some blood cancer , Leukemia , otherwise why she’s so pale and skinny?!” . As a child i get names like “skeleton number 1” from very close relatives , but the interesting thing was , as ironic it would sound i’m thick skinned person mentally , so i didn’t give a shit , even it was uncomfortable and annoying i knew that it’s me and there’s nothing wrong about it .. but there was a period when their created doubt gave my self-esteem a crack .. i did visit doctors , had a ton of analysis and guess what ? i’m completely normal and healthy and the only problem is that it’s still ain’t enough.. even recently there was person who’s actually straggles with anorexia asked me “ am i keeping some magical diet or i’m exercising a lot” and i just told her that I've always been like this + i have a very high metabolism , in what she responded “ no offense , but there’s no naturally skinny people, all of them are just sick ! and has some serious problems ! ” and i was like did i need to open her a little secret or should i keep her fantasy that could help her self esteem high to combat . That’s also very important thing .. a lot of ppl actually accusing naturally skinny girls that they’re “prOmOting uN heAltHy iMAge” and “AnOrexiA” .. and that so disgusting .. like what we should do apologize for existing or change ourselves the way they wanted to for fill their projected insecurities and expectations.. ofc they always choose the second one and here’s the problem when it comes to the message “ Eat Moree even if you can’t or don’t feel alright , eventually you would get Normal “ like excuse you , no ! I’ve been in there where i was forced to eat mooore and i was feeling horrible , like it was physical and mental abuse , and no , i ain’t gained weight. There’s no need to humiliate yourself that way to consider “whatever normal” standard is holding now society for you . My main massage here is for the kids out there that feeling “abnormal” .. You’re more than normal and that’s the biggest liberty.. to be yourself . You’re weight doesn’t makes you whole or unworthy ! And it goes for everyone .. to people with different shapes and sizes as long you feel comfortable, healthy and happy own that $hit , because that’s powerful ! P/s Sorry for long massage , just felt in heart that it’s important to share it . Sending Love , No Hate <3 xx

First things first, I want to apologize. It seems like I've hit on something that's very personal and painful for you, and I haven't treated it with the care that it deserves. My intention was not to promote skinny-shaming ideas or to make people feel like they should apologize for the way they look. My goal here is always to make people feel worthy and confident in who they are, just as they are. But I understand that regardless of my intentions, my words have real consequences, and I'm sorry that those words hurt you. I'm going to work on being more delicate about these topics in the future.

That said, I think it's important to remember that for each ask I get, I'm talking directly to the person who asked the question. I publish those answers publicly because I hope there's something in them that can help other people (and because Tumblr doesn't give me a choice), but I don't write them with everyone in mind. The anon who sent in that ask specifically said that they were getting to a point where they like their body, but that they were insecure about one particular thing. And unfortunately, to change that thing, weight gain was one of only two options. If there had been a third option, I would have offered it, but there wasn't. I try to make sure the answers I offer to people's problems are empathetic, actionable and evidence-based. But that means there's only so much I can do with the little information I have to go on and the real-world options that are actually available to deal with the problem someone has. If the OP had said that she was insecure about her weight overall or that she has a medical condition that prevents her from gaining weight, I would have taken a different approach to answering that question. But that's not the read I got from the OP, and so that's not the answer I gave.

Skinny-shaming is absolutely real, and it's something that, as a society, we need to stop doing. Some people do just struggle to gain weight, but even if someone's low weight is due to an eating disorder or an illness, it's still not appropriate for people to comment on it or make jokes. We shouldn't be making people feel like they're less worthy or abnormal because of the way that they look, and we especially shouldn't be telling people that they're "promoting unhealthy body image" or "promoting anorexia" because of the way that they look. What is and isn't triggering for people with eating disorders is different for every person, and so we'll never be able to stop people from being triggered entirely. Instead, I think we need to help people recognize their triggers and change the way they react to those triggers without making it the problem of the person that they're reacting to.

I do want to say, though, that being at an "abnormal weight", whether that weight is too high or too low, is a risk factor for developing health problems later in life, even if you're completely healthy now. Getting weight within a normal range can help to prevent a person from developing a chronic or serious illness in their life, and I do think that's important to talk about. Barring physical illnesses that cause someone to lose weight or to not be able to put on weight, making weight changes should be a biological possibility. That doesn't mean that it's easy to make those changes, just that it's not physically impossible. Studies have shown that the difference between people with “high metabolisms” and people with “low metabolisms” is minimal- only up to a few hundred calories difference in calories burned per day. People with "slow metabolisms" can still lose weight, and people with "high metabolisms" can still gain weight- the math equation that leads to weight change is just a little bit different for them. There are absolutely a lot of unhealthy ways to go about those weight changes, both physically and emotionally. It's important to know that those changes should never feel like abuse; ideally, those changes should be small and accumulate over time. But it is also important to understand that those changes are possible for people who do want to make them for their own health and wellbeing. That's not gaslighting- it's the current state of medical and biological research on weight and the impact weight has on our long term health.

Fundamentally, I think we should be focused on making our bodies as healthy as they can be, and to reduce as many risk factors in our lives as we can. For example, in my life, even though my heart is completely healthy now, I take a lot of precautions to make sure it stays that way because I have a genetic disorder that means my heart is more likely to get damaged down the line. My heart might end up being fine for the rest of my life even if I didn't do anything, but I can reduce the likelihood that something bad will happen and so I do. I think we should all be taking the precautions we can to reduce the likelihood that something bad will happen down the line. We should be ourselves, but we should be the best, healthiest versions of ourselves that we can be.

Regardless of our health or our appearance, though, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and with respect, full stop. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin and to be proud of the person they are. I don't think these ideas have to be at odds. I think we can respect people no matter how they look or their level of health/ability, and be happy, confident, and comfortable in ourselves, and acknowledge the ways we might be able to be even better. Be happy! Be comfortable! Be powerful! Be all the wonderful, complicated, explosive things that make you who you are. But be the healthiest version of that you can be, because the healthier you are, the longer you'll be able to share your unique perspective and talents with the world.

[pinktwingirl]

I rewrote Endgame (AKA Endgame but with Squirrel Girl and Loki)

Hey everyone, so since I think we can all agree Endgame could have used more Loki (and more Stucky!), I wrote some scenes that I think should have been added in. I included Doreen Green (aka Squirrel Girl) because she’s an amazing character and I would love to see her in the MCU! Also, in the comics, she’s a really good friend of Loki’s (and I think we can all agree MCU Loki could use a friend.) For a bit of context, I have a headcanon that the girls Thor got a picture with in Ragnarok were Doreen and her best friend/roommate Nancy, and Doreen was actually plotting to get close to Loki so her pet squirrel Tippy-Toe could plant a tracking device on him and make sure he didn’t get into any trouble while he was on Earth. Some of the scenes during the final battle are meant to be interspersed throughout the sequence, and aren’t really in any particular order. They’re just events that I thought would be cool if they actually happened. Since Endgame didn’t have a post-credits scene, I also added one for good measure! :)

(Also, I didn’t write a scene for it, but let’s just all agree that Steve and Bucky get married and retire to raise goats in Wakanda!)

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

Natasha, Bruce, Steve, Scott, and Rhodey are in a meeting room. Natasha paces back and forth.

NATASHA

We still have a lot we need to get done before we try anything else. Rhodey, have those robbers on 22nd street been identified?

RHODEY

Yeah, just a couple of cheap scumbags. I'm sure the cops can handle them.

NATASHA

Okay... And the subway hijackers?

STEVE

Nat, calm down. Okoye's got it covered.

NATASHA

Well, there's still that attack on Times Square. I don't know about you guys, but I'm not about to let some asshole terrorists try to blackmail the entire district into giving them money or whatever the hell they want-

Bruce flips on a monitor that projects an image on the wall.

BRUCE

Actually... it looks like someone got there before you.

Everyone turns to look at the screen. Natasha and Steve give each other an impressed and amused look, while Rhodey and Scott look at each other in confusion. On the screen, we see a group of men in black armor knocked unconscious and tied together. Next to them is a sign that reads "We got our butts kicked by the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl!!! :)"

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREETS - DAY

We see a pair of boots walking down the street. Behind them trails a gray squirrel with a pink ribbon tied around her neck. The squirrel hops onto the shoulder of her companion, Doreen, who gives her a smile. We cut to her crouching in an abandoned building and typing on a computer screen, which shows surveillance footage of robbers sneaking around. We see the robbers loading their guns and tying up hostages in an alleyway. One of the robbers suddenly notices that his partner is staring at something. He pushes his partner on the shoulder.

ROBBER

Hey, what-

The robbers turn to see what the man is staring at. In the corner are a group of squirrels poised to strike. They slowly turn around and see Squirrel Girl, dressed in full gear and high-tech goggles standing with her arms folded. She smirks.

We then cut to Squirrel Girl attacking the robbers. Despite her small stature, she easily overpowers them. One of the men points a rifle at her, but she grabs it and points it upwards as it fires and kicks him aside. Another man throws a knife at her, but she grabs it with her tail and tosses it away. She then unleashes her knuckle spikes to cut through the mans armor.

We then cut to Doreen untying the victims, with the robbers knocked out beside them. She takes a purse out of one of the robbers' hands and hands it to one of the hostages.

DOREEN

Here ya go!

She walks off with her squirrel army as the hostages look on in awe.

INT. PUBLIC RESTROOM - DAY

Doreen steps out of a stall, where she has changed into a waitress's outfit. She stuffs her gear and clothing into a bag and tidies herself up a little in the mirror. Just as she's about to leave, she notices her tail is sticking out of her dress a little, so she tucks it in.

INT. SUBWAY STATION - DAY

Doreen is waiting for a train. She looks around solemnly. There is hardly anyone at the station even though it's midday. Sighing, pulls her purse strap tighter on her shoulder.

INT. DINER - DAY

Doreen rushes through the diner kitchen where her boss is waiting for her.

DOREEN

Hey.

BOSS

Hey, right on time. How you doin', kid?

DOREEN

Oh, I'm fine. Still no luck on the roommate search, though.

BOSS

Oh, that's a bummer.

DOREEN

How's the dining room looking? Did we make it to half-capacity this time?

BOSS

Eh, not exactly, but...

(He chuckles as he opens the door to the dining room.)

You've got a hell of a first customer.

Doreen's eyes widen when she sees Steve, wearing a baseball cap, sitting at a table by the window. He gives her a friendly wave.

We cut to Doreen sitting across from Steve at the table.

DOREEN

Can I just say, I... I am such a huge fan! Like, even before you came out of the ice, I literally had posters of you all over my wall!

(Beat)

Oh, wait, that's creepy, isn't it?

Steve shrugs.

STEVE

Kinda.

DOREEN

Anyway, I... I never thought you guys would find me. I-I mean, I hoped you would, 'cause you guys are awesome and all, but I just didn't think it would be this soon and... okay, I'll shut up now.

STEVE

So, how exactly does one get squirrel powers, anyway?

DOREEN

Honestly? I have no idea. I was born like this. My DNA is just... different. The doctors told my parents they have a name for people like me. They call us mutants.

STEVE

Mutants? So there are more people with altered DNA?

DOREEN

Supposedly. I mean, I've never met one before.

STEVE

They could be hiding it. You do.

DOREEN

That's true. My parents always told me I had to keep my mutation hidden. They didn't want people to be afraid of me. I didn't want to feel different but... I was always afraid to get close to people.

STEVE

So no one else knows?

DOREEN

My best friend Nancy did, but she... you know... the snap.

STEVE

How many did you lose?

(Beat)

DOREEN

Everyone. My parents. My family. Nancy. Even Mr. Lieberman...

STEVE

Who's Mr. Lieberman?

DOREEN

My pet squirrel.

STEVE

Oh.

DOREEN

But after Thanos, when things started getting bad... I don't know. I couldn't just sit back and do nothing, you know?

(Beat)

Why did you come looking for me?

Steve takes a deep breath.

STEVE

We think we may have found a way to bring them back.

DOREEN

All of them?

STEVE

There's no guarantees, but... we have to at least give this a shot. There's a lot we'll have to fill you in on, though.

(Beat)

DOREEN

I'm not sure how much help I can be. I mean, I doubt most people would be proud to say they were saved by a giant squirrel.

STEVE

I think, when it comes down to it, most people in trouble would be grateful to have anyone.

Doreen smiles and shrugs.

STEVE

Look, I don't know what your folks told you about your abilities. I'm sure they were just trying to protect you. But what you can do? That's a gift. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. And with this plan we have... well, we're gonna need all the help we can get. So, what do you say? Are you in?

Doreen pauses for a moment, then smiles.

DOREEN

Okay.

Steve grins. Suddenly, the boss enters the dining room again.

BOSS

Hey, Doreen, I'm not paying you to fangirl!

DOREEN

Uh, I... sorry...

(She abruptly stands up and takes out her notepad.)

Um... Can I... get you anything?

STEVE

You know, my buddy and I used to eat at this diner when we were kids. I was surprised it's still open.

DOREEN

Really?

STEVE

Yeah. Do you guys still have the best burgers in New York?

DOREEN

I'll let you be the judge of that.

She gives him a wink and heads into the kitchen.

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

Steve leads Tony into the compound, where Doreen is working on a holographic screen.

STEVE

Tony, meet Ms. Doreen Green. Mutant and computer science student at Empire State University.

DOREEN

Uh, former student, actually. I kind of left after the whole world... went to shit.

(She shakes Tony's hand.)

Hi, it's such an honor to meet you! I hope you don't mind, some of your computers systems were a bit outdated so I took the liberty of fixing them for you. Also, I recalibrated the data retrieval and processing systems, so those should be up to speed now.

TONY

(to Steve)

I thought you said she just talked to squirrels.

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

Doreen is showing the photo of her and Nancy with Thor on her phone to Thor.

THOR

Yes, I... I do remember this photo, Lady Doreen. I'm very sorry about your friend.

DOREEN

Well, that's why we're here, isn't it? I really hope Nancy can meet you again when this is all over. She's a huge fan! She named her cat "Mewnir" after your old hammer and even wrote these fan-fiction comics where you were a cat! It was called "Cat Thor"!

Thor raises an eyebrow and smiles.

SCOTT (O.S.)

Thor, clean up your beer cans! This place reeks!

Thor rolls his eyes and leaves. Doreen catches Tony walking around and rushes up to him.

DOREEN

Hey, Tony, could I ask you something?

TONY

You already did.

Doreen rolls her eyes.

DOREEN

I was thinking of bringing your Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing device with us when we go to 2012 New York.

TONY

You mean BARF?

DOREEN

You seriously need to get a better name for that.

TONY

Eh, it sticks in the head better. Why do you want to bring it?

DOREEN

I was thinking of using it on Loki. I didn't want to bring it up in front of Thor, since I figured it's kind of a sore subject for him, but if his brother knows anything about the infinity stones, it could tell us how to use them-

TONY

Absolutely not.

DOREEN

What? Why? Come on, Loki was sent by Thanos to come here, he must know something that could help us!

TONY

Our job is to get the stones and get out. That's it. We're not taking unnecessary risks by messing with people in the past.

DOREEN

I can handle it! Just give me the device! I'll be in and out like that!

TONY

I'm sorry, kid, my answer is no.

(Beat)

Doreen sighs.

DOREEN

Fine.

(She holds up her pet squirrel, Tippy-Toe.)

But can we at least make a time travel suit for Tippy?

INT. 2012 STARK TOWER - DAY

Doreen is snooping around the tower while the Avengers keep an eye on their past selves. She notices Hydra agents disguised as SHIELD agents walking around.

SCOTT (O.S.)

How did you not know those guys were Hydra? I mean, they just look evil!

DOREEN

Wait, those guys are Nazis? Can I punch them?!

TONY (O.S.)

No! Stay focused!

Suddenly, a robotic voice is heard from inside Doreen's utility belt.

VOICE

Binarily augmented retro-framing system activated.

DOREEN

Oh shit.

She frantically reaches in her pocket to try and shut it off.

SCOTT (O.S.)

What was that?

DOREEN

Uh, nothing.

BRUCE (O.S.)

That sounded like your BARF-tech, Tony.

TONY (O.S.)

Uh, I'm sorry, did you steal my BARF-tech?

DOREEN

No, I borrowed it.

STEVE (O.S.)

I'm pretty sure "borrowing" implies that you asked.

DOREEN

I'm gonna give it back!

TONY (O.S.)

You better. You break it, you bought it, fuzzy.

INT. 2012 STARK TOWER - DAY

Loki collapses to the ground from the impact of the Hulk's rampage. Doreen rushes to the scene and freezes when she sees the tesseract lying near him.

DOREEN

Oh no...

She dives on the ground to grab it at the same time as Loki. They look up and face each other, mystified when they realized they are both holding onto the tesseract. With a flash of blue, they disappear together.

EXT. DESERTED PLANET - NIGHT

Doreen slowly opens her eyes, groaning in pain. She lifts herself up and takes in her surroundings. The ground appears to be covered in a deep violet soil and the night sky is pitch black. Aside from a few bare trees in the distance, the place seems empty. Doreen clutches her time device on her wrists and speaks into it.

DOREEN

Hello? Is anyone there? Tony? Steve? Can anyone hear me?

She waits a moment. There is silence on the other end.

DOREEN

Ugh, great.

Suddenly, we see Tippy-Toe in a small time-travel suit rushing towards her and jumping in her arms. Doreen gives her a few gentle strokes on the back.

DOREEN

Hey, buddy.

Tippy-Toe gives a few squeaks.

DOREEN

No, I have no idea where we are.

She stands up and looks around, freezing when she notices what appears to be a crater in the distance. She runs up to it and sees Loki lying in a large hole in the ground, with the tesseract beside him. His body is bleeding and covered in bruises.

DOREEN

Holy shit...

She rushes down the crater to Loki's body and checks him for a pulse.

DOREEN

He's still breathing...

(She takes a bandage out of her utility belt and tosses it to Tippy-Toe.)

Tippy, stop the bleeding while I get the machine set up.

Tippy-Toe squeaks in protest.

DOREEN

Because I said so, now help me out here a little!

Tippy-Toe begrudgingly takes the bandage in her mouth and begins bandaging Loki's head.

DOREEN

Thank you.

(She starts setting up Tony's device.)

Actually... It's a good thing he's unconscious. It'll make this a lot easier.

She turns to look at the tesseract lying on the ground and hesitantly picks it up.

DOREEN

Um... I'll just... take that.

She puts it in a pocket in her utility belt.

We cut to Doreen scrolling through a holographic screen. The device has been set up, with the necessary parts attached to Loki's head.

DOREEN

Here we go...

She presses a button and a flash of blue transforms the area into a spaceship dungeon. Behind her, Doreen hears someone gasping in pain. She turns around to see 2011 Loki being held up by what appears to be an electrical current. His face is pale and sweaty, and his eyes are sunken. Doreen slowly approaches him.

DOREEN

Loki...?

As if momentarily forgetting she is in a simulation, she starts to reach out to touch his face. Suddenly, we hear a door open behind her. Nebula, Gamora, and Thanos enter. Startled, Doreen backs away as they approach Loki.

GAMORA

We found him in the void. He was just floating listlessly.

THANOS

The fallen king of Asgard...

He presses a button on the wall that shuts off the electric current, causing Loki to collapse to the floor. He lets out a weak wail of pain. Thanos and his daughters step closer to him as he slowly lifts up his head to look at them.

LOKI

K-kill me... P-please...

Nebula clicks her knife open, unleashing a large blade.

NEBULA

Shall we oblige him, father?

THANOS

Wait.

(He lifts Loki up.)

Perhaps there is some merit in keeping him alive. He is a boy... Lost... afraid... But I sense ambition in him... A lust for power... He may serve us well if he sees what we can offer him in return.

LOKI

N-no... I... Th-there is nothing... you can offer me... Wh-whatever this is... I want no part of it.

After a pause, Thanos slowly unveils the mind stone scepter with magic in his hand. Wide-eyed, Doreen slowly starts to back away as she looks on.

THANOS

Then again... A little persuasion can't hurt from time to time...

He presses the scepter to Loki's head, causing the mind stone to glow. Loki screams in agony as its power overwhelms him. Doreen gasps and covers her mouth in horror. With a sinister grin, Thanos presses the scepter harder, causing Loki's screams to grow louder. Mortified, Doreen frantically slams the off button on the device, causing the simulation to disappear. As she takes deep breaths, trying to collect herself, we see Loki's body disappear in a flash of green, as the real Loki appears behind her, untouched and unscarred. He was never really injured.

LOKI

I don't know if anyone's ever told you this...

Doreen gasps and whirls around.

LOKI

...but it's quite rude to look into someone else's mind without their permission.

DOREEN

I... I-I'm sorry, I just thought maybe Thanos told you something about the stones-

LOKI

Unfortunately, he did not. Thanos only ever told me what he felt I needed to know.

Doreen slowly backs away as he stalks towards her.

LOKI

I know you have the tesseract in your possession.

Doreen's hand instinctively goes to the pocket in her utility belt.

LOKI

I'm afraid I can't let you leave with that.

As Tippy-Toe jumps on her shoulder, Doreen grabs her time device.

DOREEN

Sorry to disappoint you.

She tries pressing a button on the device to send her back to the present, but nothing happens. As she repeatedly tries pressing the button, she sees a shimmer of green surrounding the device. Suddenly, Loki strikes her from behind. They fight, with Doreen struggling to overpower him. A dagger emerges in Loki's hand and he stabs her shoulder. Doreen screams and grabs his hand before he can strike again. Before Loki's strength can overwhelm her, Doreen unleashes her knuckle spikes and cuts his face, making a gash on his cheek. Loki recoils and raises his hand to the cut in shock. Eyes wide, Doreen backs away and tries to run, but Loki knocks her onto the ground, sending the tesseract flying.

DOREEN

No!

Doreen and Loki continue to fight. At one point, Tippy-Toe jumps onto Loki's face, blocking his vision. As Loki fumbles with the squirrel, Doreen rushes for the tesseract. She dives on the ground, but when she tries to grab it, her hand goes right through it in a green shimmer. Her face falls. It was just another illusion. As she lies on the ground, Loki approaches her, towering over her with a triumphant grin. He has the tesseract in his hand, chuckling darkly.

LOKI

This is who the mighty Avengers sent to stop me? Pathetic.

He kicks Doreen in the face and turns to leave.

DOREEN

If you bring that to Thanos, you're dead. He'll kill you.

Loki pauses and turns around, visibly amused by her comment.

LOKI

Is that so? And pray tell, why would he do that?

DOREEN

Why wouldn't he? You're just a pawn to him. You really think Thanos gives a damn about you? About what you want? He's using you! And you know it!

Loki's smile fades and his jaw tightens.

LOKI

You don't know the first thing about it. It's merely a transaction. I give Thanos the tesseract, he gives me my throne. That's all there is to it.

Doreen picks herself up and tries to approach him, but he blocks her with a green magic shield.

DOREEN

Loki, listen to me, please! The tesseract is one of the infinity stones. If Thanos gets all six, he's going to wipe out half of all life in the universe! Trillions would die, including people on Asgard, and you'd barely even have a kingdom left to rule! Is that what you want?!

Loki freezes in shock.

LOKI

How would you know that?

DOREEN

Because I was there when it happened.

EXT. DESERTED PLANET - NIGHT

Doreen is trying to make a fire with a few bundles of wood she gathered as Loki paces around, visibly troubled.

LOKI

So, Asgard is destroyed... and half the people are dead... Assuming, of course, I am to believe this story of yours.

DOREEN

Oh, I'm sorry, who's the god of lies here?

She gives a little cheer as the wood pile lights up in flames. Loki stops his pacing to look at her.

LOKI

You don't know anything about this planet, do you?

DOREEN

Gee, how could you tell?

LOKI

Well, for one thing, you're burning netmook wood, which emits a toxic fume when set ablaze...

DOREEN

Oh, God!

She frantically kicks dirt onto the fire, extinguishing it.

DOREEN

Why did you even come here, anyway?

LOKI

It's one of the most remote places in the galaxy. It won't stop Thanos' army from finding me... but it'll at least buy me some time.

(He grins.)

And, actually, I was joking about the netmook wood... It's completely harmless.

Doreen scowls at him.

DOREEN

Asshole.

With a wave of Loki's hand, a green fire appears on the wood pile. Doreen sits down to warm her hands. A green shimmer appears on her face, and she touches her cheek, where a cut has disappeared.

DOREEN

Thanks.

Loki sits down beside her.

LOKI

How is Thor?

(Beat)

DOREEN

Miserable. He's changed... a lot.

(Beat)

He really misses you. You were the only family he had left.

Loki looks down solemnly for a moment, then glances at Doreen.

LOKI

You know, I don't recall most mortals having a tail.

Doreen lets out a light laugh.

DOREEN

They don't. I was born different. I've had to hide it my whole life... well, at least until now.

LOKI

I... suppose I understand what that's like. I'm actually not Asgardian. I was born a Frost Giant. But I didn't know until I was much older. Of course, then I knew everyone would fear me for what I was...

(Beat)

DOREEN

I thought that if I could be an Avenger, I could at least make the most out of being different. I looked up to them for years... I thought if I could prove myself to them, maybe I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. But I was so stupid! I should've known I wasn't cut out for this... I stole Tony's tech for nothing and now I've messed up their entire plan... I couldn't even face you without getting my ass kicked!

Loki clears his throat awkwardly.

LOKI

Well, um... you were quite an impressive fighter... for a mortal, that is. I-I didn't really mean what I said earlier, I was just trying to intimidate you... Of course, your stance could use work, and your techniques are a bit sloppy-

DOREEN

Wait, are you trying to make me feel better?

LOKI

What? Well, I-

DOREEN

Because that's... actually really sweet. I mean, you completely suck at it, but...

Loki rolls his eyes and stands up to leave.

DOREEN

No, no, no, I'm just kidding! Sorry, I... It was just a joke. Thanks, really.

Loki smiles a little and sits back down.

LOKI

In all seriousness, you are stronger than you believe. Having faith in yourself is the most powerful weapon you can possess.

Doreen smiles and nods.

DOREEN

Loki, I... about what Thanos... what he did to you... I had no idea. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Loki turns away, his expression solemn.

DOREEN

Why didn't you tell anyone?

Loki lets out a bitter laugh.

LOKI

You honestly think anyone would believe me if I had?

Doreen's face falls. Suddenly, Tippy-Toe starts angrily squeaking at him.

DOREEN

Oh, uh, this is Tippy-Toe. Sorry, she kind of hates you 'cause she said your Chitauri army blew up her stash of acorns back in New York...

LOKI

I know. She's expressing her anger with rather foul language.

DOREEN

You speak squirrelese?

LOKI

I have the power of all-speak. It allows me to understand all languages in the universe.

Doreen looks impressed.

LOKI

Does it... feel better to be open with your identity now?

DOREEN

I don't know. It's... weird, definitely, but... I think in a good way. I'm just not used to it. My dad was always so strict about keeping it a secret. I love him and I miss him, but he could be really hard on me sometimes. I guess... he just wanted to keep me safe.

(Beat)

LOKI

My birth father abandoned me and left me to die because he thought I was too small.

(Beat)

DOREEN

Wow. What a dick.

(After a pause, she stands up.)

Loki, I know this is a lot to process, but I really can't leave here without the tesseract.

Loki stands up as well.

LOKI

Doreen, I am sorry, truly I am, but I can't give it to you. I know your future is in peril, but I have my own future to think about. The tesseract is the only bargaining chip I have against Thanos. If he truly is as ruthless as you say, giving it to him might be the only way to convince him to spare my life.

DOREEN

I could bring it back! After we're done with it in the future, I could bring it here to this exact spot in time. It would be like it never left!

Loki scoffs and starts to object, but Doreen interrupts him.

DOREEN

And because I know you think I'm going to double-cross you... Tippy?

Tippy-Toe's ears perk up.

DOREEN

You stay here with Loki until I come back, okay?

Tippy-Toe lets out a few squeaks in protest, but reluctantly hops to Loki's side.

DOREEN

Now I have to keep my promise!

LOKI

Even so, this is beyond risky. What if you don't make it back?

DOREEN

You told me to have faith in myself. Now I'm asking you to have a little faith in me.

Loki looks down and shakes his head.

LOKI

I would be the biggest fool in the nine realms to leave my fate in the hands of a mortal...

Doreen's face falls. After a moment, Loki extends his hand, where the tesseract appears. He places it in Doreen's hands.

LOKI

Then again... I've been a fool for so long now... One more time couldn't hurt.

Doreen looks down at the tesseract in her hands in disbelief. When she meets Loki's eyes again, he gives her a small nod. Ecstatic, she grins and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Shocked, he recoils back slightly.

DOREEN

Oh, Loki, thank you! I won't let you down, I promise!

Suddenly, Loki freezes. He makes a strangled, choking sound as his face contorts in terror.

DOREEN

Loki...?

Loki collapses on the ground and starts convulsing, gasping for air.

DOREEN

Loki?! What's happening?!

She grabs him and turns his face towards hers.

LOKI

(in a strangled voice)

Go!

Horrified, Doreen looks up to see THE OTHER materializing onto the planet.

We cut to The Other stalking toward Loki, clenching his fist, making Loki's choke harder. Doreen is nowhere to be seen. Loki lets out an agonized groan.

THE OTHER

You fool... You really thought you could run from us? I told you there would be no escape.

(He glances at the tesseract, which is lying beside Loki.)

Now, you will give Him what is rightfully His...

The Other reaches to collect the tesseract, only to have it disappear in a green shimmer. It was just an illusion. Furious, The Other looks up to see Loki giving him a weak grin.

THE OTHER

You knave! Where is the tesseract?!

We cut to Doreen and Tippy-Toe running away. Doreen crouches behind a purple rock and starts to set the time-travel device for the present. As she is about to press the button to go home, she glances back at Loki, who is screaming in agony as The Other shocks him with his scepter. She bites her lip in contemplation.

We cut to The Other brutally torturing Loki with his scepter.

THE OTHER

Tell me where it is!

LOKI

(Weakly)

I would rather die.

THE OTHER

As you wish...

The Other strengthens his choke on Loki, watching as the life starts to drain out of his eyes. Suddenly, a surge of blue power blasts The Other out of the way. Gasping for air, Loki rolls over to see what happened. His eyes widen. Doreen is holding the tesseract, her body glowing with a blue haze. She is wielding its power. As The Other moves to attack, she strikes again. Loki and Doreen begin fighting him together, Loki with his magic, and Doreen with her powers and the tesseract. Eventually, Doreen is caught in a standoff with The Other. They are both grasping the tesseract, trying to take it from the other. A few cracks start to form on the cube. Doreen's eyes widen. Suddenly, the cube bursts, sending Doreen and The Other flying. Loki rushes over to Doreen, helping her up.

LOKI

Are you alright?

Doreen looks up, her face falling at what she sees. The Other is lying dead on the ground, with smoke rising from his body. Beside him, the tesseract has shattered into hundreds of pieces.

DOREEN

No, no, no, no...

She desperately tries to scramble up as many pieces as she can, but it is no use. Defeated, she collapses back onto the ground.

LOKI

What were you thinking?! I told you to go!

DOREEN

I couldn't!

LOKI

Why?! Your world was at stake, you should've left when you had the chance-

DOREEN

I wasn't just gonna let you die!

Loki freezes. After a pause, he slowly sinks to kneel beside her as she cries.

DOREEN

What have I done...? This is all my fault... The Avengers... Everything they've done, I've just wasted... I'm a failure...

LOKI

Doreen, look at me.

Doreen glances at him with teary eyes.

LOKI

You are no failure. What you did... I've never seen anyone wield the tesseract like that. You unlocked its power. It chose you.

DOREEN

Why? I... I don't understand...

LOKI

You don't have to.

Doreen sniffles and wipes her eyes.

DOREEN

At least... with the tesseract destroyed... your future is safe. Thanos can never collect all of the stones now.

Loki looks down with guilt.

LOKI

What about your future?

Doreen looks down.

DOREEN

We'll... we'll be okay. I guess... we'll just have to move on.

They both stand.

DOREEN

I... I'd... better go.

(Tippy-Toe hops on her shoulder again.)

What will you do?

LOKI

I suppose I'll have to stay here until the bifrost is rebuilt. After that... well, my father will most likely imprison me for my crimes.

DOREEN

Please tell them the truth about what happened to you. Even if your father doesn't believe you... I'm sure Thor will. Someone has to.

Loki nods slowly.

LOKI

Alright.

Doreen adjusts her time travel device on her wrist and glances at Loki one last time. They exchange a sad look. Suddenly, Doreen hugs him.

DOREEN

Goodbye, Loki.

She and Tippy-Toe disappear. Loki is left looking over the area where they were for a moment. As he starts to walk away, he suddenly notices the tesseract shards beginning to rise...

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

The Avengers all return from their time travel journeys... all except for Natasha. Doreen immediately rushes towards Tony.

DOREEN

(Rapidly)

Tony, I'm so sorry, I couldn't get the tesseract back, I really tried-

TONY

Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, kid. We got the tesseract.

Doreen freezes.

DOREEN

You did?!

Tony nods and taps his briefcase.

DOREEN

Oh, thank God...

Everyone freezes when they notice Clint standing without Nat.

BRUCE

Clint? Where's Nat?

Clint collapses to his knees.

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

As Tony is working on the gauntlet, a hand suddenly places the BARF-tech device on his desk. Tony raises an eyebrow to see Doreen standing there with her head down. He picks up the device to examine it.

DOREEN

I'm sorry I stole your tech. I was just trying to prove that I could do something useful. I know that's really stupid and immature, and I totally get it if you want me to leave. I can pack my stuff up now-

TONY

Do you know how long it took my guys to program this thing to work on an unconscious brain?

DOREEN

Huh?

TONY

Two months. It took them two months to do what you did in two minutes.

Doreen freezes.

DOREEN

I...

TONY

You know, I took a look at your records from Empire State. You were one impressive student. Top of your class. Why'd you leave?

DOREEN

I... I don't know. I guess... after Thanos, I just didn't really see the point anymore.

Tony thinks for a moment.

TONY

I actually had to put the augmented reality department on hold for a little bit. We had some issues with the guy that was running it a couple years back, and higher-ups were complaining about costs, but since I don't have to worry about that anymore... I want you to hang onto this.

(Beat)

DOREEN

Are you serious?

TONY

Totally serious. Tinker around with it a little, see what you can do. We could use a new face handling the department.

He extends his hand for Doreen to take it.

DOREEN

I... oh my God, I-

He pulls his hand away before she can take it.

TONY

On one condition: Whatever happens today, whether we win or lose, you go back to school. Get your degree. Get your shit together. Because you've got a brilliant mind and I don't want to see that go to waste, you understand me?

Doreen grins.

DOREEN

Okay.

TONY

You sure?

DOREEN

Yeah.

TONY

You promise?

DOREEN

Uh huh.

TONY

Okay.

He hands her the device and heads out.

TONY (O.S.)

And next time you steal one of my gadgets, be sure to return it on time or I'm gonna start charging late fees!

Doreen grins.

INT. UNDERGROUND RUINS - DAY

After the explosion that destroyed the Avengers Compound, Doreen wakes up underground, surrounded by a pile of rubble. She sits up and sees her high-tech goggles have been crushed.

DOREEN

Shit...

She tosses them and tries to stand up, letting out a cry of pain. Her leg has a huge gash in it. Working quickly, she takes out a bandage roll from her utility belt and patches up her leg. Suddenly, she sees something glowing from underneath a pile of rubble. She stands up and cleans the object off. It is Tony's gauntlet.

DOREEN

Oh my God...

She scoops it in her arms, trying to make her way out of the maze of ruins. She suddenly bumps into Clint.

DOREEN

Oof! Oh... hey, are you okay?

Clint dusts himself off.

CLINT

Yeah, I'm fine. What the hell happened?

DOREEN

I think someone followed us from the past.

Clint glances at the gauntlet in Doreen's arms.

CLINT

Well, whoever they are, we need to make sure they don't get their hands on that. Did you see where-

They suddenly hear a low growling sound in the distance. Clint readies his bow, aiming at the sound.  Through the dim emergency light of the tunnels, they can see the outlines of Thanos' monsters creeping towards them. Doreen whistles and hands him the gauntlet.

DOREEN

Here. Take this. We'll deal with them.

CLINT

"We"?

DOREEN

Yeah! I called for backup!

Suddenly, a giant group of squirrels squeezes through the cracks in the rubble, ready to fight. Clint takes the gauntlet and flees. Doreen and her army rush towards the monsters and begin fighting.

We cut to another part of the ruins, where Rocket is scrambling to make his way out. Water is pooling into the area, threatening to drown him.

ROCKET

Hey! Can anyone hear me?! I need help! Get me out of here!

We see Scott, in his microscopic form, in another area.

SCOTT

I hear you! Just give me a second!

ROCKET

I don't have a second!

Scott starts running.

SCOTT

I'm trying to get to you, buddy, but I don't know how long it's going to take! I don't think it's safe to expand here...

DOREEN

Ooh! I can help with that! Hey, Monkey Joe, could you give the nice man a lift?

SCOTT

Monkey who?!

He sees a squirrel barreling towards him.

SCOTT

WHAT THE-?!

Monkey Joe tosses Scott onto his back and starts running towards Rocket. Once he reaches him, Scott is able to get them both to safety.

We cut to Doreen and the squirrels fighting the monsters. Tippy-Toe tries to attack one, but it rips it off its face and tosses it aside.

DOREEN

HEY!

She pounces on it and begins beating it with her fists, emphasizing each word with a punch.

DOREEN

NOBODY! TOUCHES! MY! PET! SQUIRREL!

We cut to Rocket holding a grenade.

ROCKET

I got it. This'll blast those creepy suckers outta the sky.

He presses a button, activating the grenade, and drops it down into the ruins.

SCOTT

Isn't Doreen still down there?

(Beat.)

ROCKET

Oops...

We cut to Doreen fighting the monsters. Suddenly, she notices all of the squirrels are disappearing into the cracks.

DOREEN

Huh? Hey, where are you guys all going?

(She freezes when she sees the grenade by her feet.)

Gah!

As the explosion rocks the tunnels, Scott and Rocket wince. They suddenly see Doreen crawling out of the ruins. She is panting and covered in soot.

DOREEN

Would you guys mind giving me a heads-up before you send in the grenade next time?

Rocket and Scott give her a sheepish grin.

EXT. BATTLEFIELD - DAY

Everyone who was dusted is emerging from the portals. Dr. Strange looks around at all of the people gathered.

STEPHEN

Is that everyone?

WONG

What, you wanted more?

STEPHEN

Wait, hang on.

He forms another portal where present-day Loki falls onto the ground. Loki dusts himself off and scowls at Stephen.

LOKI

Do you have to do that every time?!

Stephen shrugs. Thor freezes when he sees his brother standing before him. Loki's face falls as Thor begins to walk toward him slowly, his expression dark and unreadable. Loki starts to back away.

LOKI

(Quickly)

Look, I realize this is becoming something of a tradition between us, but I swear it was all for the best. If you would just give me a moment to explain, I'm sure you would understand that my death was in Asgard's best interest and I had no other alternative but to-

He freezes when he see's Thor's new physique... or lack thereof.

LOKI

What... the hell... happened to YOOOOUUU-

Thor squeezes him with a bone-crushing hug. When he lets go, there are tears in his eyes.

THOR

It's good to have you back, Loki.

Loki smiles, his own eyes beginning to well up.

LOKI

It's good to see you too, brother.

THOR

How have you come back?

LOKI

Well... I was resting in the afterlife, when I received a visit from my past self. He told me of a very special mortal who saved his life and granted him the tesseract, which allowed him to travel through time. It also gave me the power to restore my body and return my soul to the land of the living.

He winks at Doreen, who blushes and grins.

LOKI

Still... it was a shame to leave. It was wonderful to see mother again. Valhalla is also quite lovely this time of year...

DOREEN

Wait... I thought the tesseract was destroyed!

Loki smirks and conjures up the tesseract in his hand. Doreen's jaw drops.

DOREEN

Wh-?

(She laughs.)

You really are an asshole, you know that?

They hear someone clear their throat behind them. Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Clint look at them with a stern, distrustful glance.

BRUCE

What is he doing here?

LOKI

I've come here to aid you in your fight against Thanos.

TONY

Yeah, last time you were here, you were working for Thanos.

DOREEN

That wasn't his choice. Tony, I saw what happened to him. Thanos tortured him. He forced him into it.

LOKI

I know I am far from blameless for what has happened. But I have a score to settle with Thanos too. And I want to help my people, same as all of you.

STEVE

Why should we trust you now?

(Beat)

LOKI

I've got red in my ledger... I'd like to wipe it out.

Clint's eyes widen. After a moment, a hint of a smile grows on his face.

We cut to Thor lifting Doreen up with a crushing hug.

THOR

Thank you for bringing my brother back, Lady Doreen!

DOREEN

Oof!

(She awkwardly pats him on the back.)

Yep, I love you too, big guy...

An assortment of scenes during the battle (in no particular order)

During the scene where all of the female Avengers team up, Loki starts to join them, but Doreen stops him.

DOREEN

Hey! Um, excuse me? Ladies first!

Loki shifts into LADY LOKI.

LADY LOKI

Is this better?

Doreen smirks.

DOREEN

You're hilarious.

We cut to Loki and Doreen fighting together. A monster sends a rock tumbling towards them and appears to crush them. Suddenly, a hand taps the monster on the shoulder from behind. The monster turns around and a green shimmer reveals the real Loki and Doreen. Doreen punches the monster, sending him flying. Doreen and Loki smirk and share a fist bump.

We cut to Thor and Loki fighting together.

THOR

We should do get help-

LOKI

Don't even think about it.

We cut to Clint, who is fighting off some of the monsters. As they begin to gang up on him, they start to overwhelm him. He collapses to the ground, trying to push them off of him. Just as one is about to slit his throat, it is stabbed from behind. The rest are magicked away. The stabbed monster collapses and we see Loki standing behind it. Clint stares at him in awe.

CLINT

Thanks...

LOKI

Don't mention it.

We cut to Dr. Strange, Wanda, and Loki standing together. The camera pans around the trio as they charge up their magic.

STEPHEN

God, these things are everywhere...

LOKI

What, you've never fought a demonic horde before? Thor and I used to do it every week. It's a been our favorite past time since we were children!

STEPHEN

Good for you. You don't need to brag.

WANDA

Will both of you shut up?

As she flies off, Stephen and Loki raise an eyebrow at each other.

We cut to Wanda as she uses her magic to lift Thanos up, along with several rocks. Doreen jumps onto the rocks to leap onto Thanos’ shoulder, unleashing her knuckle spikes and digging them into his face. Thanos screams, overwhelmed by the two women attacking him. Using the stones, he eventually manages to send Doreen and Wanda flying. As he turns away, we see that Doreen has gouged his eye out. Wanda uses her magic to clear a pile of rocks off of Doreen.

DOREEN

Oof! Thanks

(She extends her hand to Wanda.)

Oh! Hi! I’m Doreen!

Wanda smiles.

After Tony's death, all the Avengers begin to kneel. Loki is standing by Doreen and Thor's side, both of whom are crying. After hesitating, Loki kneels beside them, looking at Tony's body solemnly.

EXT. LAKE HOUSE - DAY

At Tony's funeral, we see Nancy hugging Doreen, who is crying. Later, Doreen approaches Loki, who is standing alone on the porch.

DOREEN

Loki...

He turns around at the sound of her voice.

DOREEN

I... wanted to say thank you.

LOKI

Whatever for?

DOREEN

For believing in me. When I didn't believe in myself.

(Beat)

Well, I guess that wasn't you, you, it was the past you, but... whatever, it still counts.

Loki smiles.

LOKI

No, my dear, it is I who should be thanking you. You showed me unconditional kindness when no one else did.

(He gives a small bow.)

My most sincere gratitude, Lady Doreen. I owe you my life. I don't know how I could ever repay you.

Tippy-Toe crawls on his shoulder and squeaks at him.

DOREEN

You could start by giving Tippy those acorns you owe her. You know... whenever you get the chance.

LOKI

I will... certainly make a note of that.

He gives Tippy-Toe a few awkward pets.

DOREEN

So, now what? Are you gonna try and take over New Asgard?

Loki laughs.

LOKI

I think Asgard has had enough of my rule. No, I believe I'll accompany my brother on whatever ridiculous journeys he has planned. We do have a lot of catching up to do, after all. Also...

(He conjures the tesseract in his hand.)

I believe this will allow me to travel to some... entertaining places in time. I trust you won't tell anyone?

DOREEN

Well, I don't know, that depends. Are you gonna kill anybody?

Loki laughs.

LOKI

I will try to avoid it.

Doreen shrugs.

DOREEN

Eh, good enough for me.

LOKI

What about you? What will you do?

DOREEN

Well, I made a promise to Tony that I'd go back to school, so that's what I'm gonna do. Besides, I couldn't let Nancy finish her senior year of college alone.

They turn to Nancy, who is enthusiastically showing Thor her "Cat Thor" comics in the distance.

NANCY

And this is Cat Thor's mighty hammer, Mewnir, which he uses to defeat the evil Laufur, leader of the bad dogs!

DOREEN

She's a big fan.

Loki chuckles.

DOREEN

How did the past you know to find you in Valhalla?

LOKI

He didn't. He had a little help... with this.

(He tosses the tracking device she placed on him to her.)

A word of advice: Next time you want to track someone, do tell Tippy-Toe to be more subtle about it.

Doreen grins sheepishly.

LOKI

Of course, I expected all of you to enact your little time-travel experiment three days earlier, but better late than never, I suppose...

Doreen freezes.

DOREEN

You knew what was going to happen...

LOKI

But of course! Why do you think I got myself killed by Thanos in the first place? My plan was risky, but at least if I died, Thanos wouldn't be able to stop me.

DOREEN

(Slowly understanding)

Thanos couldn't kill you if you were already dead... But... but how did you know I would get my hands on the tesseract? And use its power and everything? And...

LOKI

My gift of foresight may not be as strong as my mother's, but...

(He winks at her.)

I know a special mortal when I see one.

Doreen blushes.

DOREEN

Oh! I almost forgot!

She hands him a golden locket with an imprint of his helmet.

DOREEN

I made this for you. I wanted to apologize for, you know... stalking you without your permission. This locket lets me see where you are if you're ever in trouble. If you need me at all, I'll be there.

(Beat)

I know it's not much, but... I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me.

LOKI

So... your way of apologizing to me for tracking my location is... tracking my location again?

DOREEN

I can only see it if you want me to!

(She pulls out a matching locket.)

I have one too, see? Just press this button here, and I can see where you are, anywhere in the galaxy.

She presses the button and a holographic screen of their location appears on both of their lockets.

DOREEN

I also put your little horns on it, 'cause I thought it'd be cute!

Loki smiles as she shuts the lockets off.

LOKI

I'll keep it with me. I promise.

DOREEN

Well... I guess I'll see you around. Bye, Loki.

LOKI

Goodbye, Doreen.

She heads off, leaving Loki to admire his new gift. Suddenly, she runs back and hugs him, catching him off-guard. After a moment of confusion, he smiles and returns the hug.

INT. STARK HOUSEHOLD - DAY

Post-Credits Scene

Doreen and Morgan are sitting in Morgan's room, where they are talking to Thor, Loki, and the Guardians of the Galaxy through a holographic screen. Thor is swigging a glass of whiskey as they talk.

DOREEN

See, this is why I'm the best nanny. Like, who else is gonna let you facetime with people thousands of light years away?

DRAX

Enough stalling. We must resume our game.

DOREEN

Right. Whose turn is it?

MANTIS

I believe it is Loki's turn!

DOREEN

Okay, Loki, truth or dare?

LOKI

Hmm... Truth.

THOR

Oh, please, you're incapable of telling the truth.

LOKI

I am not!

DOREEN

Okay... is it true that you did it with a horse?

LOKI

What?

DOREEN

Because I read in a Norse mythology book that you did it with a horse and then gave birth to a horse with eight legs, and... I don't know, that just seems super weird, like even for you.

Thor and the Guardians of the Galaxy snicker.

MORGAN

What did he do with a horse?

DOREEN

Uh... I'll tell you when you're older.

Drax turns to Loki.

DRAX

I am impressed, my friend. I did not know that equestrian women were your type.

LOKI

They're not! Those rubbish Midgardian books are full of lies!

THOR

I don't know, brother, you always seemed fond of the horses in the royal stables growing up...

ROCKET

Is that why you did it with a horse?

LOKI

I didn't do anything with a horse!

DOREEN

Okay, okay, guys, let him be. I'm just teasing. Whose turn is it next?

QUILL

I think it's your turn, Doreen. Truth or dare?

DOREEN

Hmm... I'll do a dare. Let's let Morgan decide! Morgan, what should I do?

Morgan whispers in her ear, and Doreen grins devilishly.

DOREEN

Ooh, yes! Okay, hang on a second.

She disappears into the next room. Suddenly, we see a flash of blue from the other room.

EXT. 2011 ASGARD - NIGHT

Doreen time travels to 2011 Asgard, where Thor is confronting Loki at the bifrost.

THOR

Why have you done this?!

LOKI

To prove to father that I am a worthy son! When he wakes, I will have saved his life. I will have destroyed that race of monsters, and I will be true heir to the throne-

Suddenly, they are both hit with Valkyrie's obedience disks, which electrocute them both and cause them to collapse on the ground. Doreen, in her time-travel suit, steps over them.

DOREEN

Hey, uh, sorry to interrupt your little, uh, family drama over here. Do you mind if I borrow that really quick?

She scoops Loki's helmet off his head as he and Thor give her confused, exasperated looks as they convulse on the ground. She fumbles with the helmet, trying to place it on her head.

DOREEN

Oh my God, how do you wear this thing?

She manages to clumsily place it lopsided on her head.

DOREEN

Well, uh, thanks for that. I hope you can both resolve your issues in a peaceful, non-violent manner.

(She looks at Thor.)

Nice look, by the way. Really rocking the, uh, blonde eyebrows. Anyways, I got places to be, so I'll see ya!

(She starts to press her time-travel device on her wrist, but freezes.)

Ooh! I almost forgot!

INT. STARK HOUSEHOLD - DAY

With a flash of blue, Doreen rushes back into Morgan's room wearing Loki's helmet and holding Mjolnir. Everyone stares at her, jaws dropped and eyes widened.

DOREEN

Okay, I did it!

(She swings the hammer around.)

You know, this bad boy actually isn't as heavy as I thought it would be. I do have to return this stuff soon, though. I kind of left 2011 Thor and Loki electrocuted on the ground, and they'll probably be mad about that.

(Beat)

Anyway, whose turn is it next?

Frozen stock still, everyone continues to stare at her. Thor drops his whiskey glass on the ground.

[eldritchsurveys]

1089.

1 - Aside from the necessities (eating, breathing etc.) what is something you do every single day, without fail? >> Check gmail, tumblr, discord. Do my Flight Rising dailies.

2 - Do you use cash or card the most? Do you find yourself using card or contactless methods more since COVID hit? >> I use card almost exclusively (some of the less technologically up-to-date stalls at the farmer’s market make me run back to the ATM sometimes, but other than that I never carry cash). This was even before COVID, so nothing has changed for me there. 3 - Is there anything you enjoy that’s considered childish for your age? What is it? >> I don’t call anything I enjoy “childish” and I don’t think other people should either.

4 - Who’s your favourite voice actor? What’s the best thing they’ve been in? >> I don’t have one. Keith David has a great voice, though, I do love him. And of course there’s Ron Glass (RIP) :’(

5 - How many times a day do you use the bathroom? >> Like twice, normally. Three or four if I have a lot of beverages.

6 - Do you need caffeine to wake up in the morning? What’s your drink of choice? >> I don’t need anything to wake up in the morning -- sleep is one area I’ve never had serious problems in, and thank god for that, because imagine how much worse my mental health would be if I did...

7 - Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? If you’re an introvert, do you feel like you live in a world built for extroverts? >> I prefer being alone or in very small groups (and infrequently, even then), let’s just put it that way.

8 - What do you do with old clothes you no longer want or need? >> I usually end up throwing them away, unfortunately. I used to give them to Goodwill but then I realised how much of that stuff eventually gets thrown away anyway because it doesn’t get sold and they just get way too much stuff. COVID kind of interrupted this year’s possibilities, but in the future I’m probably going to look up local nonprofit homeless services and see if they need anything I have. 9 - How old were you when you got your first pet (not a family pet, but one that you were solely responsible for)? >> I have never had this particular experience.

10 - What is something popular or fashionable that you consider to be a real waste of money? >> ---

11 - Do you donate to charity? >> No.

12 - Do you live somewhere with lots of livestock or wild animals? >> Livestock, yeah, because there are a lot of farms once you get even a mile or two outside of the city. Not so much wildlife, just your general squirrels and crows and the occasional deer family.

13 - Would you rather live somewhere rural or urban? >> More rural than urban, but not so rural that it’s an all-day affair just to get groceries, you know. Also, I like having the Internet.

14 - Is there anything (a hobby, for example) that’s guaranteed to always make you feel better when you’ve had a bad day? >> Honestly, just... being Inworld. That’s my safe zone. Even if it doesn’t make the bad feelings go away right away (that’s not always possible), it is always at least grounding and comforting to be hugged by Can Calah, or to hear D or Bruni’s voice.

15 - If you’re struggling with your mental health, who are you most likely to open up to, or would you bottle it up instead? >> I bring that stuff Inworld. It’s really difficult to be that vulnerable outworld, although I try to make small forays into vulnerability on places like my blog or certain Discord servers. They’re still small forays, though -- I’m really just testing the waters, not actually swimming like I probably should be if I want to really work at it.

16 - Do you get your five portions of fruits and veggies everyday? >> Not every day, no. I wish it were easier for me to pull that off, but it really is not. 

17 - What room of your house do you spend the most time in? Is this through choice or necessity? >> My room, by choice. I like it in here, it’s my space. The first space of my own I’ve had since 2009, which was the only other time I had space of my own (and then I didn’t even enjoy it because I was horribly depressed and isolated and constantly broke).

18 - If you have pets, do you snuggle with them when you’re having a bad time? Does it make you feel better? >> That’s a thing Sparrow does, but it doesn’t do anything for me. Maybe if I had an emotional support dog...

19 - Would you ever sign up to be in the military? What if there was enforced conscription, would you go or would you object? >> Fuck. No. Fuck no. Nope. Fuck no. I’d literally rather commit suicide. Did I make myself clear?

20 - Would you ever want to go to any kind of fitness bootcamp, or does that sound like utter hell to you? >> That does sound like utter hell to me.

21 - What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? What was it that made it so bad? >> ---

22 - If you could design your own garden, what would you have in it? Do you think that dream is ever going to be achievable for you? >> I have always been most interested in the kind of gardening that was just about caring for native plants and helping them to flourish. Learning the complex intricacies of the ecosystem around me and doing my part to preserve it. Like if there needs to be more pollinators, having some hives. Or if there was once a planted lawn on the property I live on, rehabilitating the soil and replacing it with native grasses instead. I would also like to grow herbs and vegetables, and any kind of flower that is native or at least not invasive to this particular environment (especially if it’s yellow! I love all yellow flowers). I imagine it would be perfectly achievable if we ever moved into a house.

23 - Do you believe there’s life on other planets? If so, do you think it’s anything like humanity? >> I think it’s highly probable that there’s life elsewhere, but highly improbable that it’d be like humanity. But maybe like other life on this planet, particularly microbes, sure.

24 - Does it take you a long time to fall asleep at night? What do you if you’re really struggling to get to sleep? >> No, I usually fall asleep within a half-hour of laying down, as long as I’m not doing anything brain-intensive.

25 - if you drive, how many times a week do you have to fill up your car with fuel? If you don’t drive, how much do you spend a week on travel/transport? >> I don’t go anywhere, period. When I used to go places (pre-COVID), I probably spent about $30 a month tops on public transportation. Usually more like $15.

26 - What did you get the last time you went out for fast food? >> The last fast food we had was Steak and Shake, but through DoorDash. I got the jalapeño crunch burger, like I used to, but I won’t be ordering burgers anymore because I think my GI tract is over red meat (or, at least, the highly processed variety).

27 - Do you tend to snack when you’re watching TV or sitting at the computer? What’s your favourite thing to snack on? >> I like to watch something while I’m eating a meal, but I don’t really snack for the sake of snacking or anything. I just plan the two things to happen at the same time whenever I can.

28 - When was the last time you went to a zoo or wildlife park type place? >> Uh... Labor Day last year? I think?

29 - Do you think it’s cruel when people keep exotic animals as pets? Or do you think it’s okay as long as they have the space, time and money to dedicate to them? >> I do think it’s cruel. I don’t see how any sort of condition could be okay for this, no matter how hard you try. Just... go on a safari. Watch a nature documentary. Why do you have to keep wild animals in your house? Domesticated dogs and cats and lizards and shit are literally right there (and a lot of them are in shelters, just waiting for a dedicated caregiver!).

30 - If you eat meat, is there a particular animal you’d never eat? If you don’t eat meat, what’s the reason for it? >> I don’t eat a lot of meat because I don’t really crave it. Like, it doesn’t strike me as necessary for a meal, probably because I was raised not eating it. I eat chicken most often because Sparrow makes a lot of meals that include it (and fried chicken sandwiches are my kryptonite). My preference for meat-eating is to eat from local sources that employ sustainable, ecologically-informed farming practices -- but, you know. I also live in America, as well as below the poverty line for a two-person household, so this stuff is difficult. It’s often easier (and insanely cheaper) to just not eat meat at all, which may be partly how that became such a big fad.

[candy-floss-crazy]

We recently added Gourmet burgers to our line up of catering options. On top of the usual cheeseburger, and bacon etc, we added some options a little more quirky. Things such as nacho's, sushi and such like. However the burgers listed here are way beyond what we consider quirky and definitely venture inot the weird burgers catagory.. 1 The Cronut Burger A fusion of sweet and savoury this one. A beef patty with cheese, between the cheeks of a sugary doughnut. A Canadian invention, between a pastry shop Le Dolci, and Epic Burger and Waffles for the Canadian National Exhibition. This one looks like it could be tasty, however it didn't have a happy ending. One of the ingredients sourced for the burger, maple jam, was contaminated with staphylococcus aureus causing 150 people at the show to fall ill. Still looks tasty, but we'd go light on the jam. 2 The Quadruple Bypass Burger A 9982 calorie bohemoth, even by American standards. Two pound of beef, twenty rashers of bacon, eight cheese slices, a whole tomato and half an onion, in a bum coated with lard. It is served at the heart attack grill founded in 2005 in Tempe Arizona. Everything they do is along the same theme. With flatliner fries, double and triple bypass burgers for those who can't face this one, and bigger burgers up to octuple bypass. They even have cigarettes and high fat shakes on the menu. The restaurant has a hospital theme, with doctors taking the order and nurses waiting the tables. Sexily dressed nurses at that. It's as if someone set out to be as controversial as possible. 3 Yorkshire Pudding Burger A fusion of traditional Sunday roast with the fast food convenience of a burger. This one is a giant Yorkshire pud with a burger inside. For those who don't know the Yorkshire pudding isn't actually a pudding. It is served most often as a constituent of a typical Sunday dinner. However it also works well as a starter with onion gravy. The supersized version here is 5000 calories. 4 Fried Frog Black Burger No matter how crazy you can think of making something. The Japanese are guaranteed to out crazy you. They make some really weird burgers. This time it is the Orbi Yokohama museum, who offer up this culinary masterpiece. A full fried frog burger. They aren't content with just the out there filling. They also add in a bun made from bamboo charcoal that is jet black. 5 Russia Rat Burger Take a look at the burger above, quite innocuous isn't it? Something you would probably enjoy at many a typical burger joint. Only it isn't. It's a rat burger. Well, not your usual Rattus rattus that you don't want to see anywhere near a restaurant. But a Coypu, or 'River Rat'. The animal breeds at a super fast rate, making it ideal as a food crop. A case of if you can't beat them eat them. A specialty of a Russian chef at a high end eterie in Moscow. 6 Wimpy's Braille Burger In the days when I was a kid, before the all conquering McDonalds swept the nation. Wimpy was THE burger joint. We spent may a happy time in Wimpy's around the country. Truth be told, I think their quarterpounders were far better than the McD equivalent. This burger was part of an experiential marketing campaign to promote it's new braille menu in South Africa. Reaching over 800,000 blind people across the nation with their braille embossed burgers. 7 Whole Damn Farm Burger If you are the sort of person who can't make their mind up over beef or chicken. Then this one is for you. Made from beed, chicken, ham, pork and bacon. About the calorie loading of four big Macs, this is perfect for the indecisive. From Manchester's Splendid Kitchen, a sadly now defunct American style eatery. 8 Hellfire Burger This is one hot burger. By hot, we don't mean as in fashion, or as in very attractive. We mean hot! Measuring over 1 million on the Scoville heat scale. For comparison, some law enforcement pepper sprays can be quite effective at half that. Topped by six different chillies, and smothered in hot sauce, you not only have to be over 18, but also need to sign a medical waiver before they will serve it to you. The whole thing is served to you on fire. A creation of the Xtreme Smokehouse and Grill in Washington Iowa. 9 Southern Comfort Stuffed Burger Slathered with booze spiked sauce. The Southern Comfort is stuffed with mac and cheese wrapped in bacon, then topped with Southern Heat potato chips. Its the Southern Comfort and Peach infused BBq sauce that gives it the special tang. A product of the Nook in Atalanta. 10 Waffle Burger Available from lots of places, this is another fusion of sweet and savoury. Fluffy Belgian waffle goodness, surrounding a beef patty, along with egg and bacon. The perfect breakfast to start the day. 11 Wrapped Pizza Burger A bacon cheeseburger wrapped in a pepperoni pizza. 1360 calories of succulent burger heaven. This frankenburger was a product of Boston's Restaurant and Sports Bar. Available at more than 40 US restaurants and it's Canadian franchise. Although not the healthiest of burgers it still comes nowhere near the big guys records like the Heart Attack Grill, they are some seriously weird burgers. 12 Arby's Meat Mountain Originally created as a poster to advertise the fact that the restaurant sold more than beef. It was soon being requested by it's customers and ended up being a firm favourite on the menu. Consisting of two chicken burgers, three strips of bacon, a slice of swiss and cheddar cheeses, roast turkey, ham, corned beef, roast beef, brisket and Angus steak. 13 Super Duper Bacon Burger What can be said about this monstrosity. It's bacon, served with bacon, topped by bacon, with a bacon garnish. I suppose if you like bacon then this is heaven, if you don't then you've ordered the wrong meal. Michigan's Tony's I-75 Restaurant is definitely a destination for pork lovers. 14 Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger If you are going to mix burgers with a dessert you might as well make it with one of your favourites. Two Krispy Kreme doughnuts, three beef patties and three slices of cheese. Nuff said. 15 The Grilled Cheese Burger Take a grilled cheese sandwich. well, take two of them in fact. Place your burger between them and you have a whole new class of frankenburger. Coming from an American chain (where else), Friendly's on the East coast. 16 Deep Fried Double Twinky Burger Whilst you can rely on the Japanese to come up with the craziest concoctions. You can rely on the Americans to come up with stuff designed to clog your arteries. Take a pork belly patty, with cheese and bacon and sandwich it between two deep fried twinkies and you have another masterpiece from Philadelphia's PYT. Which is almost as weird as 17 Spaghetti Burger This, their spaghetti burger. Slathered in marinara sauce, with a mozzarella stuffed meatball patty, red sauce, parmesan flakes and spaghetti in a garlic butter bun. This looks like a weird burger 18 Beer Batter Burger From Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Pennsylvania. A battered burger with all the trimmings. Oh and the batter is made with beer for extra taste. Also available from them as a 25lb challenge burger for two. 19 Alphabet Burger This sandwich contains 26 toppings, each one starting with a different letter of the alphabet. - Avocado - Bacon - Cheese - Doritos - Egg - Fish sticks - Garlic bread - Ham - Italian sausage patty - Jalapeño peppers - Krispy Kreme doughnut - Lettuce - Macaroni and cheese - Noodles - Onion rings - Pepperoni - Queso blanco dip - Ramen noodles - Spinach - Turkey burger - Usingers bratwurst - Veal Parmesan - Waffle - Xylocarp (coconut) - Yams - Zucchini I don't know what to say. I am stunned, I know how the prophets felt when they saw the burning bush, or the first pot noodle was invented. The W should stand for weird burgers. 20 Hot Fudge Sundae Burger I don't know if it is a symptom of the modern world, this rush to get your meal out of the way as soon as possible. But this is another stomach churning attempt to fuse mains with dessert. Take a perfectly good beef burger and add vanilla ice cream and hot fudge sauce. Take a bow McGuires Irish Pub of Pensacola. 21 White Trash Burger Named after the outlets signature dips called white trash. This includes cheese, green chillies, jalapenos, diced tomatoes, diced onions and tortilla chips, with a stack of beer battered onion rings. If you want one then you need to head over to the Bukowski Tavern in boston. 22 Bacon Wrapped Macaroni and Cheese Bun Burger I'm not sure if this is a burger, or an abstract artwork. Mac and cheese wrapped in strips of bacon and used as the bun for a cheeseburger. Not as outlandish or vomit inducing as some on the this list, I could probably eat this. 23 Slaters Merica Burger Oh Kay, a third of a pound of ground bacon made into a patty, bacon american cheese, egg, thick cut bacon and bacon island dressing on a bacon pretzel bun. Basically you need to like bacon to eat this one. It was reportedly too salty to finish which is saying something when many a burger on this list has a couple of grams or more of salt without any reports of them being salty. 24 The Mario Burger A little bit of green dye, some circles of cheese and you have a gamers treat. 25 The Fat Sandwich Burger This one looks like a complete meal in a bun. I am surprised that they haven't stuck a doughnut or a dollop of ice cream in to round it off. From the Fat Sandwich Company in Illinois Candy Floss Crazy Gourmet Burgers 1 Person 2 Burgers 2 Not really part of the list, our burgers are relatively sane. If you want something on the list I am sure our catering team can put it together for you, but if what you want is a range of delicious non heart attack inducing gourmet burgers for your wedding, party or event. Then check out our burger service. Oh and the picture above is actually two burgers, he was a greedy sod. Have them served from one of our quirky food trucks for an extra twist. Read the full article

[ehghtyseven]

sooooo this has taken forever to get round to, but I said I would post about my epicurean adventures in pittsburgh so for anyone who still cares...

(fwiw, I’m a vegetarian which definitely influences my choice of places to visit, and quite possibly my opinion on their quality)

going under the cut bc it got a bit long

de luca’s diner (penn ave, strip district)

I went here for brunch and had a veggie breakfast burrito, which was good but not out of this world.  I’m not generally into sweet things for breakfast, but I am into spying on what other people are eating, and everything I saw looked so good that I’d probably go for something non-savoury next time. 

there was a line when I got there, but it moved pretty fast, and any other time I walked past it was pretty short and I’d say it’s worth waiting imo :)

di anoia’s eatery (penn ave, strip district)

brunch again... savoury again... really really tasty again lol.  I had avocado and whipped feta on sourdough (omg so millennial of me) and it had this awesome honey dressing which was just *chef’s kiss*

it was really quiet when I went (around 10:30) and you just order at the counter and seat yourself.  lunch service is the same, though it was already getting busier when I left at 11:30, but if you want to go for dinner you need a reservation as it seems to always be pretty busy (I tried to make a reservation a couple of weeks ahead of time and they were already full).  

FYI, this one is a recommendation of rusty’s :)

sultry @ smallman galley (54 21st street, strip district)

smallman galley is a food hall concept and calls itself a ‘restaurant accelerator’.  basically they have 4 different (small) kitchens and they support chefs just starting out as it’s a platform to trial their restaurant/brand etc. 

I ate at sultry and it was truly delicious (cheesy, creamy, potatoey goodness), and it’s always kind of cool when the chef brings your plate to your table!  

would definitely recommend checking this place out.

altius (1230 grandview avenue)

not for the fainthearted bc it’s pricy but omg both the food and the view were 100% worth it in my opinion.  They have the view out over the point and the whole of downtown pittsburgh, and I was there as the sun was setting and it was amazing watching all the lights gradually come on and seeing how the view changed through the meal.  they won’t guarantee a window table when you book (and you need to book) but I was lucky enough to get one and it was awesome. 

This one was a dumo rec and, unsurprisingly coming from the foodie on the team, it’s a great one... the maple cream cheese dressing on the brussels sprouts side was so good I don’t even know how to explain it omg

these pics are actually last year, bc I was sick on the day I was meant to go this time & had to cancel my reservation :(

milkshake factory (5th avenue, and elsewhere inc. ppg)

I guess you could call this a rec of jake’s since I had the jake shake lol.  not exactly a meal, but tbh it’s so damn filling that it kind of is: that thing is one large cup of chocolatey goodness stuffed with oreos and brownies.  

the chocolate pucks and penguins pops are also tasty btw

prantl’s bakery (market street, but there are others)

me: eh... I don’t really like nuts, shall I bother with this ‘famous’ burnt almond torte thing? prantl’s: ... me: ok, let’s give it a go prantl’s: :) me: omg this thing is heaven I wonder if I can get one in my suitcase to bring home?

seriously.  so worth it.  go get that thing and stuff your face. (whoops - I ate it before I thought to take a picture)

honourable mentions:

bill’s burgers - I hung out here for ages on the day I was leaving bc I had to check out way before my flight, and it’s nothing super special but their veggie burger was really good and the homemade chips were a nice touch.

trader joe’s - because we don’t have it here and I’m sad about that bc I could eat an entire bucket of their everything but the bagel dip

for next time:

pamela’s onion maiden fish nor fowl (tanger’s rec) return visits to altius, smallman galley and dianoia’s (for dinner this time)

should anyone care, these places are also recommended by some of the pens but I won’t go bc they don’t have much/anything for veggies and/or are a pain to get to without a car:

butcher and the rye (rusty again) poulet bleu (horny) meat and potatoes (sully) monterey bay fish grotto (schultzy)

anyway... feel free to hit me up with other suggestions for my next trip if you have ‘em!

[the--blackdahlia]

You’re All That I Need Chapter 14 (Tommy x Nikki)

Title: You’re All That I Need Chapter 14

Summary: It’s the early 80’s and Nikki Sixx is in need of a band. There’s one condition: no other alphas. That should be fine, since he found three betas to fill up the lineup to become Motley Crue. Or, at least he thinks they’re all betas. A collab between myself and @callme-kaz2y5-baby​​​​!

Series Warnings: M/M smut (18+ only please), alpha/beta/omega dynamics, mpreg, language, slight drug use, protective Nikki, extremely funky timeline (might add more as we go)

"Ok, I'm dying to know what did you name her?" Athena finally asked hours later. They were all gushing over the little baby in the room.

“You can have the honors,” Tommy smiled proudly and looked at Nikki.

"Everyone we'd like to introduce Gaia Nona Sixx," Nikki said proudly. “I think we might call her G for short.”

“I love her so much!” Tommy’s mom cooed over the baby, looking at the little bundle laying in Tommy’s arms. “She’s so beautiful! She reminds me of my sweet Thomas as a baby.”

“Mom, stop,” Tommy laughed, kissing his little girl's forehead. Nikki could tell by the laugh that something was wrong with Tommy, and one look at him told him that Tommy was exhausted.

"I think it's about time for Tommy to get some rest. We're hoping they discharge him tomorrow." Nikki hinted that everyone should leave. The doctor had warned that Tommy should take it easy for the next few weeks, because his symptoms could stick around for a bit after birth and could be dangerous.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” His mom said, kissing his cheek. Athena played with his hair a bit before looking at Vince and Mick, winking at them, and walking out.

“Do Mick and Vince have to leave too?” Tommy yawned. He looked so tired it wasn’t even funny.

"If you sleep, no they don't have too." Nikki smiled smoothing Tommy's hair.

"Get some sleep T-bone, we're gonna find food then we'll be back" Mick assured, poking Vince and pointing at the door.

“Okay,” Tommy yawned and not even two seconds after they headed to the door, Tommy was asleep and Nikki was holding his daughter.

"Dude, what was that, shoving me out of the room?" Vince grumbled.

"Tommy needed his sleep and you know it would have taken him forever if we were in there, and I heard your stomach growl...." Mick grumpily replied.

"Fine" Vince huffed. They were headed down to the cafeteria to see if there was anything decent to eat. Vince scanned the menu. "Should we take some food back with us?"

"Probably a good idea. Get a burger for Nikki. What should we get for Tommy?" Mick answered.

"Uh, they have a chicken wrap, that shouldn't be too heavy? He said he was still a bit nauseous earlier. And what has Athena been hinting about?" Vince casually dropped on Mick.

“What do you mean?” Mick asked, trying to look anywhere but at the frontman. “Oh, that salad thing looks decent.”

"All the winks and nosey questions? Did I miss something" Vince explained before giving the girl behind the counter their order.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mick got some drinks from the cooler while Vince waited on their food. Vince looked at Mick skeptically.

"Okay, you're not that dense. She's up to something and I'm going to figure out what."

“I bet you won’t,” Mick gave him a bit of a smirk. “Maybe she wants to take you for a ride.” He got the food. “Come on, let’s go.”

"Funny, Mick. And I'm really sure she doesn't. Let me carry something," Vince grabbed the bags with the food. Brow furrowed, he was going to work out what was going on. They were heading down the hallway, and Vince was in his own head so he didn’t notice the med cart that pulled out in front of them. And he would’ve kept walking too if Mick wouldn’t have pulled a soccer mom stop and stopped him in his tracks.

“You gotta pay attention,” Mick all but growled. Vince stared at him. “What?”

“What was that?” Vince asked.

“What was what?” Mick asked in return.

“How you just acted. I’ve never seen you like that before,” Mick shook his head. “What?” Vince asked.

“Seems like you’re not seeing a lot of things,” He sighed. “Maybe you need to lay off the hair dye for awhile. It’s starting to go to your head.” He started walking back to Tommy’s room.

“Hey! I have a brand to maintain!” Vince called after him, before following him.

********

About a month or so later, after adjusting to having a new baby home, Nikki couldn't hold off the record exec's and they had to get back into the studio to record some new music.

“I don’t want to leave her,” Tommy said, holding little Gaia in his arms. “Can I take her with us?”

“Tommy, what’s the point of hiring your sister to watch over her if you’re not going to use her?” Mick asked. Nikki called Vince and Mick to the living room to get some back up. Tommy was having a hard time leaving, and Vince and Mick decided to help Nikki out some. They figured that them, along with Nikki, would be able to help light a fire under Tommy.

“I just...she’s my first and…” Tommy sighed. “I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?”

"You're not being ridiculous, but we won't get any work done if we bring her with, and you know it." Nikki said rubbing Tommy's shoulders. Tommy looked down at the sleeping baby and sighed.

“I know,” He kissed her forehead gently. “I hate this Nik…” Mick and Vince looked at each other. They had never seen Tommy this upset before.

"Hey T-bone, what if Athena meets us at the studio at break, then you can see her and Athena can bring her back home after, then it won't be so long?" Vince suggested bumping him gently with his shoulder.

“That would be awesome,” Tommy smiled. “Nik, is that okay?”

"That sounds like a great idea" Nikki agreed beaming at Vince. "Why don't you go tell Athena and then we can head out."

“Okay,” Tommy kissed Nikki then headed to the in-law quarters that served as Athena’s apartment now.

“He’s changed,” Vince pointed out.

"So have you, all of us living here with her has formed a tighter, more protective pack," Mick called Vince out for trying to start shit. Tommy came almost bounding in after talking to Athena, stopping anymore conversation."

“What are we all standing around for? Let’s go make some music!” Tommy beamed at all of them.

Nikki chuckled and wrapped an arm around Tommy and they all headed to the studio. The parking lot was fuller than normal, and everything was bustling.

“Place is busy today,” Vince grumbled. “Is it Sunset Strip day or something?”

“Good thing we didn’t bring G here,” Tommy pointed out. “They’d all keep her awake.” Nikki snagged a passing sound person.

"What's with all the people today?" Nikki asked. The tech looked down at their clipboard.

"Uh, Guns n' Roses are recording new tracks, and Metallica has a photo shoot, and you guys are here" the sound guy replied.

"It's like grand central station in here," Mick complained, eyeing Vince. "Stay the hell away from Axl."

“What? Why would I go near that screeching cat?” Vince asked. “I have some self control. But I can’t guarantee that he’ll stay away from me.” They headed into their studio to get ready to start recording some new stuff.

Forever Tags: @dekahg​ @marvel-af-imagines​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @nanie5​ @imboredsueme​ @gemini0410​ @aiaranradnay​ @babypink224221​ @mogarukes​ @xxwarhawk​ @sandlee44​ @shatteredabby​ @caswinchester2000​ @lauravic​ @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk​ @teller258316​ @horrorpxnk​ @tommyleeownsme​ @marvelismylifffe​ @mrslogansixxpixx​

Motley Crue Tags: @primal-screamer​ @waywardprincess666​ @twistnet​ @saint-of-los-angeles​  @motleyfuckingcruee​ @sharon6713​ @kawennote09​ @2dead2function​ @nikkisixxwiththebass​ @iamtiber-andtiberismusic-deacti​ @jayprettymuchomw​ @charlyallise​ @you-know-im-a-dreamer​ @sweet-dreams-on-butterfly-wings​ @arianareirg​ @the-normal-potato​ @nikki-sixxtynine @jjjjjjjoshdun​ @just-a-normal-fangirl18​ @stella20131991​ @tarahell​ @wowilovenikkisixx​ @i-want-to-shoot-myself​ @motleycrueee​ @sams-serialkiller-fetish​ @getbackhonkycatt​ @are-you-reddie54321​ @scarecrowmax​  @anyasthoughts​ @bandaids-not-groupies​ @ilovetomkeiferslips​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @useyourillusion​ @xpoisonousrosesx​ @slash-me-up​ @hauntedapricoteggsclam​ @punkrock-lobster​ @lucyboytom​ @ozzy-dumbass-of-darkness @reigns420​ @solopadawan​

[hope-for-olicity]

Leaves of Change 8/31

Felicity Smoak returns to her small hometown of Silver Lake just in time for the Harvest Fest, she came home to get grounding and figure out what she wants to do next the last thing she expected was that she’d want to stay.

Happy Belated Birthday to my dear friend @stephswims! This one is for you! Thanks so much to @mel-loves-all for the truly stunning edit. Also full disclosure, I’m Canadian so Thanksgiving will be October.

Each chapter will follow a Fictober prompt, I can’t guarantee that I’ll post daily like last year but I will post regularly. I hope you enjoy. This and all other chapters of the story are also available on AO3.

8. “Can you stay?”

Oliver got back into his running jeep. “Here you go,” he handed Felicity a navy coat, “I know it will be a bit big but it will keep you warm. Plus, we can grab a spot near the fire.”

Felicity resisted sighing from happiness. Her whole life she had been cold, most people humoured her but this was the first time someone had gone out of their way to keep her warm. “Thank you, I greatly appreciate this. I’ll be sure to go shopping tomorrow for my own.”

“Keep that as long as you like. No rush.”

“Thanks for suggesting the bonfire. I saw a sign for it but my Mom was going with Captain Lance and I didn’t want to be a third wheel. But now…”

“Now, you have a date.” Oliver took his eyes off the road for a minute to smile at her.

“I do. Lucky me.” Felicity beamed.

Oliver pulled his jeep into the parking area. “Lots of cars, good turn out. That’s nice for the town. I know people work hard to make this event a success. The money raised tonight will go to the animal shelter. Each event donates money to a different cause. We have one coming up that will benefit my school.”

“Such a great idea! People get to have fun and donate money to worthy causes. Do you have a pet, Oliver?” 

They began walking down the slope of gravel toward the bonfire, Felicity had worn her high boots not knowing she would be going to a beach. She was being cautious but still felt herself slip a little. Oliver grabbed her arm. “I got you.” He kept her arm until they reached the bottom.

“Okay, that was charming. You get points for rescuing the damsel in distress but I must warn you, I rarely play that role.”

“Understood, but during this rare moment let me also fix those sleeves for you.” Oliver knelt down a little and began rolling up the sleeve on the oversized jacket for her. “Now, you will be able to hold food and drink - you know, the important stuff.” Oliver chuckled. “Back to your previous question, I don’t have any pets. I always wanted a dog but I’m not home enough.”

Felicity felt Oliver’s fingers rub against her wrists as he rolled the coat sleeves up. She couldn’t help but shiver.

“Don’t worry we will move next to the fire as soon as we grab food. You will be warm in no time.”

“Thanks.” Felicity was already getting warmer. She pushed her nose down into the jacket, all she could smell was Oliver. She could get used to this. “I guess you are used to crouching down, given your students.”

“It’s true, I do like to meet them at their level. But I have to be careful, apparently, once you hurt your knee, it can always fare up again. Ready for food?” Oliver nodded toward the food tent.

“Yes, please FEED ME.”

~~~~~

Oliver felt like the luckiest man in the world as he led Felicity over to the food tent. “So, tell me what would you like to eat? Hamburger, hotdog or both. There will be no judgement from me.”

“Both then and some chips too, please.”

They waited in line for their turn to order. Oliver was surprised to find his mother behind the counter. “Mom, I didn’t know you were volunteering tonight.” Please don’t embarrass me in front of Felicity was all he could think.

“Oliver! Is that Felicity? Did you come together?”

“Hi, Ms. Queen, nice to see you. Yes, we are here together. Your boy told me he’d get me something to eat.”

“Well, I’d best get on that.” Moira turned back to Oliver. “I’m filling in as one of the volunteers is sick. What can I get you and your lady friend?” Moira winked.

Oliver thought he would die. “We would like two hotdogs, two burgers, a bag of plain chips,” he quickly turned to Felicity. “Drink?”

“Diet Coke if they have it, otherwise water.”

Oliver turned back to his mother, “two Diet Cokes.”  

“How about I include two brownies?”

“Do they have nuts?” Oliver asked quickly.

“Yes, but you like nuts.” His mother began to put two in a bag.

“No thanks, Mom. Felicity is allergic to nuts so we will skip the brownies.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Moira gave an apologetic look to Felicity.

Oliver paid, leaving a tip for the volunteers.

“Here are your drinks, your number is 14, you can pick up the food at the end “

“Thanks, Mom.” Oliver smiled and began to walk away.

“Call me tomorrow, Oliver.” 

Moira said it with a smile but it was more of a demand than a request.

Oliver turned back to Felicity. “Here, why don’t you take the drinks and grab a spot by the fire. I’ll be there soon with our food.” 

“How did you know?” Felicity stood there with mouth agape.

“Know what?” Oliver was suddenly worried he had done something wrong. He began running through the things he said in his head.

“About my allergy. I didn’t tell you. Did someone tell you the embarrassing story?” Felicity’s face was flush.

“Hey,” before he could think twice he pulled her in for a hug. He ran his hand over the back of her soft hair. “Don’t worry, I don’t know any embarrassing story. Caitlin mentioned your allergy tonight when I was going get us some coffee cake. But if you ever feel like telling the story, I’d be happy to listen.”

Felicity pulled back and looked up at him. “You really are super charming. I’m going to grab us a spot.”

Oliver watched her walk away.

“Number 14!” 

“That’s me!” Oliver turned to collect their food.

~~~~~

Good job, Felicity. He probably thinks you are overly sensitive now. She admonished herself as she looked for a spot next to the fire. 

After surveying the direction the wind was blowing, she sat on the opposite side to avoid sparks. She looked as Oliver headed her way. He really was a beautiful man.

“Here we go!” Oliver handed her a bag, kept one for himself and put a small one on the ground. Putting to the bag on the ground. “Chips and condiments. There is already ketchup on both as I remembered how much you loved that.”

“I do! In fact, it’s all I need. Thank you so much for remembering. And thank you for looking out for the nuts, sorry I acted weird. You are very kind, Oliver.”

“Thank you. You did not act weird. Plus, our night would end far too early if you got sick.” Oliver took a bite of his hamburger. 

Felicity noticed he accidentally got ketchup on his face. “You got a little,” Felicity pointed to Oliver’s cheek.

“Oh,” Oliver grabbed a napkin and quickly moved to wipe his face. “Gone?”

Felicity shook her head, she chuckled as he tried again, before leaning forward with a napkin of her own, “may I?”

Oliver nodded.

All the other noise seemed to stop around them. She heard the crackling of the fire, her heartbeat and Oliver’s breathing as she leaned closer. She wiped away the ketchup, she was about to sit back when Oliver grabbed her wrist. 

“Have I been charming enough yet to know what you were thinking about earlier?” His voice had deepened showing he was also impacted by their closeness.

Felicity paused for a second before looking down at Oliver’s lips then looking back up to meet his gaze. She could see his pupils were dilated. “I was thinking about I how much I want to ki...”

She was cut off by Oliver’s lips. Not that she minded. He was gentle, yet possessive. She felt his hand cup her cheek as she moved in closer, deepening the kiss. 

It was at that point they both heard the whistles of teenage boys. 

Felicity smiled and moved back to her seat. “Oops, forgot where we were. Sorry, about that. I understand if you want to leave. I didn’t mean…”

“Felicity, it’s okay, I kissed you, remember? And I hope to do it again soon, preferably without an audience.”

Felicity chuckled before taking a bite of her burger.

“Can you stay? I understand if you want me to take you home but I’d like you to stay. Finish our food, check out the band.”

“Sure, I’d love to stay with you, Oliver.” Tonight and for many nights to come, she thought to herself.

Thanks so much for reading! Tagging a few people. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged or untagged.

@memcjo @stephswims @it-was-a-red-heeler @cruzrogue @mel-loves-all @tdgal1 @vaelisamaza @onceuponarrow @msbeccieboo @lucyyh @julieofrandomfandoms @morganashimi83

[mor-beck-more-problems]

The Trouble With Wanting || Morgan and Deirdre

Set the night of Deirdre’s alcohol and pie bender. 

Morgan and Deirdre try to figure out what to do.

Morgan didn’t give herself time to change out of her pajama sweats or add a touch of ‘kiss me like this week never happened’ lipstick. She shoved her feet into her boots, filled her purse with hangover curing supplies, and got in the car. Al’s. How many times had she been there herself, drowning her hurt in fries and milkshakes and burgers that were so close but not quite like the ones she missed from home? And somehow she had missed Deirdre, getting trashed on alcohol and pie, all over the heartache they had apparently caused together without meaning to. Morgan grimaced as she pulled into the parking lot. She still felt a little responsible, despite the balm Deirdre’s words had run over that wound. Whenever she went back to rewrite that afternoon in her head, it always began with her choices, or that last smile Deirdre had given her right before--

Oh, Deirdre. 

Far from the victorious maven who had taught her to throw a knife, Deirdre was curled up in a corner booth, head down, her face half buried in the corpse of a cherry pie. There was something disarming in its flagrant display of vulnerability even as it made Morgan’s heart ache. She slid into the booth beside her and brushed back Deirdre’s hair. “Hey,” she said gently. “You really weren’t kidding about the pie, huh?”

At some point between sneaking sips out of one of several flasks she was carrying and crushing bits of pie under her fork, pretending it was pieces of her, Deirdre fell asleep. Her dreams were swirls of colors and sensations, side-effects of whatever concoction of fae drug she’d thought to take. When she woke to find Morgan staring down and sliding next to her, warm hand in her hair, Deirdre was sure that was a dream too. Too good to be true, and too haunting to be anything else. She watched Morgan for a long moment, waiting for colors to devour her face or a second and third eye ball to pop out and blink horrors at her--nothing. She turned her attention back to the crushed cherry pie slice in front of her, a coldness that tickled on her nose as she slowly forced herself into a state of half-alertness. She reached up and swiped at it, drawing back pie-filling on her finger as she sighed. Memories had their way of blurring in a drunken haze, which was good because she didn’t want to remember.

Illusion-Morgan was warm though. “It’s too sweet though, they make it too sweet here.” She wiped her finger against one of the napkins, turning then to pull a flash from her jacket. “Can visions drink, or does that fall right through?” She offered it out, her words falling over each other as she hadn’t shaken either inebriation or sleep from her body. “But--” she flicked it open effortlessly, “I don’t like sharing so it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters; that’s the point.”

None of this should be touching or sweet. Deirdre was clearly in...some kind of place. Heartbroken, underneath whatever substances she’d been kicking back between bites of pastry. And yet Morgan couldn’t help but smile as she reached over for some napkins and began dabbing away at the mess. Maybe it was just that good to see her again. “You always say the sweetest things about my looks when I’m at my messiest,” she smirked. “But if I was a vision, Deirdre, I can guarantee I would’ve at least put on something cute. Or done my hair.” Nevertheless, she plucked the flask from Deirdre’s hands. She needed her sober, or something close to it, if she wanted to be able to get her home. “I’m here for real. You let me choose, and choose I did. Also: you matter.” She reached up to brush a drop of filling from the corner of her lip and held Deirdre’s face, hoping the alcohol haze would settle and she would see her, believe in her. 

“You look perfectly fine just like that.” Deirdre’s response was instant, her head turned to look at dream-Morgan as she spoke plainly. She didn’t fight the flask being taken from her, unable to notice it as her attention stayed steady on the simple sight of Morgan. “Why would I want you to be anything else but here? With me?” Of course, she’d seen Morgan in something cute, with her hair done and lipstick delicately picked out. But even as a drug-induced vision, she couldn’t say she’d want Morgan to look any particular way. Just here, that was it. However she was. But illusion-dream-hallucination Morgan was warm, and pressing a tissue to her face and then pressing her hand to her face and her dreams never did that--they never were so kind. It struck her first that dreams had a habit of ending and she leaned in, pressing her lips to vision-Morgan’s desperately. When she pulled back and the woman was still there, she was struck then by the realization this was actually Morgan--and that would always be a thousand times better than a dream. Even in her state. Especially in her state. “Oh,” she squeaked, twisting in her seat and gripping the cushioning of the booth a little harder. “You’re not---I’m not dreaming then. I’m not--Oh no.” She glanced at her table, in disarray with empty plates strewn about and various slices of half-eaten pie desecrated on them. She turned back to Morgan, “I didn’t--I didn’t get any pie for you.”

There wasn’t enough talk in the world about how someone could zip you up in warmth with just a few words. Undone, unravelings, revealings, sheddings, those were common enough, but Morgan didn’t feel like she’d lost her skin to hear Deirdre talk. Why would I want you to be anything else but here? It was better than the press of a warm quilt, all the more strange for coming from her cold-skinned fae. She parted her lips and let Deirdre kiss her, sliding her arms around her neck, pressing in gently. “Oh, is right,” she said, smirking. She covered Deirdre’s hand with her own under the table, pressing in with all her strength and warmth, knuckles to knuckles. She didn’t want to feel her clam up again, or for those awful walls her mother had taught her to build to lock into place. What she wanted was already before her, too good to do anything but grab it with all she had. “It’s okay,” she whispered, resting her chin on the woman’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Deirdre. And uh, I’m not so sure you didn’t give me any.” She could still taste the sweet residue of cherry on her tongue, for one, and she dipped her free hand into the gutted pie tin to swirl up a glob more, for another. 

There was a conversation they needed to have, it dug itself into Deirdre’s shoulders, settled only as Morgan cut through them. There was what was right; what she knew to be right and what she was raised to know was right. Then there was what she wanted, sitting clumsily on the outskirts. It was easy to see what she wanted as wrong, she’d tried to drown it down to no avail. Want sat beside her. Want held her hand and asked for nothing. So distant from what was right, that cold and uncaring creature. But Deirdre knew, just as well as she did the first night she’d invited Morgan over, that there was a very good reason the world worked the way it did. With alcohol coursing through her, her normal resilience melted. “I’d be mad that you’re eating my pie but my sight is so blurry all I can see is your mouth. It is, however, a very cute mouth,” she smiled despite the growing ache---emotional or pie-related, she didn’t know. Was this it? Would they dance around conversation until the next expanded argument wrenched them apart for more and more days until there was no drunken consolation at the end?

Spurred by the quickly diminishing haze of booze, Deirdre thought she’d start speaking while she had the courage to. “You asked me before, if you helped me too, if you gave me anything,” she swallowed thickly, “the truth is I don’t have the language to tell you just how much. I don’t know if there are words at all. ‘Yes’ is too short and ‘more than you’ll know’ is too demanding and--and--There are no words to talk about a place that is warmer than warm, lighter than light.” She paused, her tongue worked around the stumbled explanation of more but her mind churned too slow to keep up with her frantic heart. She half wished she was more drunk, half wished she’d never had anything at all. “Do you sometimes forget how bright the sun is until you feel it on a summer day that’s hot but where the wind is cool? When you can’t look up, only forward?” Deirdre’s words slurred on top of eachother, spilling into the next before the previous was done. She was rushing; half-drunk, half-panicked. Sure if she stopped then she’d never be able to speak again and sure enough, she stopped. All she could see was Morgan’s lips, parted once for pie and then the flask she’d stolen. “I think I--I think--Can I have that back? Or can you move a little so I can take out another flask?” 

Bolstered as Morgan felt, her chest trembled to hear Deirdre talk about her in a way she had felt and believed in through the press of her touch and the look in her eyes, but never heard aloud. And wasn’t that part of the problem? That they couldn’t be like this except in moments of desperation when it was all about to come apart. Deirdre could only let Morgan see her want when she thought it was a dream, something already beyond her. And Morgan didn’t know how to slide in close enough to her heart to stay there when the walls came back up with the day again. She couldn’t help but believe that she might learn the secret one day, but she couldn’t fool herself into believing that it had already come. 

“There aren’t words for that, not that I know of,” she said softly, shifting her hand to press over Deirdre’s heart. “But I know what you mean. Because that’s the place you make for me too. I feel better, knowing you’re in it with me. Because it feels so good-- you should get to have something that feels that good.” She pressed a firm kiss to Deirdre’s cheek. “Not here,” she said. “I want to get you home where you can rest. And I know--I know I can’t fix everything wrong just by turning up, but for tonight, can you let me be here? All I want is to be here with you, Deirdre.” She pressed harder against her chest. “We can go back to figuring out the grown-up thing to do later. Can that be okay?”

Warmth was fine, comfort was welcome, but it wasn’t what the pliable Deirdre needed to sustain her susceptibility to want. She needed more of that good flask juice, that wondrous intoxication that pulled her from the body that was made and into the heart that couldn’t be changed. Morgan’s sweet words were no match against the mind Deirdre’s mother crafted. And like clockwork, without the influence of something else to peel back her coldness, she stiffened. What she wanted to be a gentle agreement came out as a guttural “no”. And then she repeated it, “no.” Because she knew, just as well as she did that first time, that the world worked in its cycle for a reason. There was an agreement not torn at their feet; void. If her mother waltzed into Al’s--improbable given the ‘too human’ nature of the establishment--would Deirdre run her knife against Morgan like she did those animals? Would this be another lesson in sealing the weak parts of her away? You don’t like the humans, there were words for fae that did. She groaned, trying to shift to pull out from her jacket what she needed but finding it impossible without pushing Morgan away, something she didn’t want to do again. She wanted to be here, and here was fine in the diner that always felt removed from time.

But Deirdre didn’t have the heart to doom them into the same cycle. Maybe this was the kinder thing to do, in the end; figure out the grown-up thing to do now. Closure was important, or so she’d heard. “No,” she tried again, “no, we should talk. Avoiding it isn’t right. Isn’t...fair. To either of us.” But mostly to Morgan, she imagined. Deirdre’s mind had already been made up, she knew which part she was supposed to serve. Want was wrong, in the face of what was obviously right. But Morgan made it feel simple, as though pushing it all away was as simple as saying it could be okay. But it couldn’t. She knew it couldn’t. Would they be stuck like this? Vying for spaces removed from harsh reality? “I don’t think there’s anything to fix, Morgan. Even if either of us could. I don’t--” she swallowed again, thicker. “I don’t think I get to have this.”

Morgan stiffened at the first no, as if it had struck her body. It was almost instantaneous, she didn’t have time to realize she was being pushed out, she was simply already on the other side of those walls. She picked up the flask and set it on the table between them, where they could both reach. This couldn’t be the only way she got to see Deirdre, in flashes, in anguish, in the smallest sparks of relief. It just couldn’t be. They had to be able to learn together, they had to be able to keep something, even a piece, even a small one-- Morgan steadied her breathing and took a bitter sip from the flask before setting it back again, nudging it over with a fingertip. “C-can you please not…” Her voice was small and wavering, that of an anguished little girl, watching her world fall away and wondering what she’d done wrong now. But this wasn’t that. She hadn’t misstepped this time. She had come. She had tried, again, to ease the hurt away. And she deserved better; they both did.

She spoke again. “I can feel you, you know, shutting me out. And I’d rather you didn’t, for this talk.” She breathed carefully. “What I don’t understand is--why don’t you get to have this? I would never ask you to prioritize me over your duty, or your people. What you have with them is sacred, and even if I don’t know everything that you must do, I understand that you must do it. I don’t need you to change your life inside out.” But didn’t Deirdre already know this? Or guessed? Morgan slipped an arm around her, holding her as best she could in the small booth, tight, in case she never got the chance again. “I want you,” she whispered, steady and firm. “So much, and we have failed so badly at being completely apart. Can we at least have something else instead? If it’s really that impossible, and you’re not just shutting me away because you think you should, can we have something?” 

Freed finally from the consuming warmth of Morgan, Deirdre pulled another flask from her jacket and downed its contents at once. She clanked the flask down, savoring the sound of Morgan's voice as she waited for the alcohol to work its magic through her system. In the meantime, she listened. "You don't understand...?" She nearly scoffed, but shook the rudeness away. "A life lived second to something as cold as fate is...not a life you want, Morgan. How can I not put you first? You don't need to ask, it's what you deserve and it's not—" Deirdre closed her eyes. It would have been easy to say she was fine with pretending like Morgan didn't matter—to shove the woman away and insist she was just a meager pet to any that questioned. Humans had their place, it wasn't a place Deirdre wanted to put Morgan. Even if somehow, in some miraculous way, Morgan could accept the death that sat at Deirdre's fingers. "They rip the wings out of Fae that like humans. They cast you out; they mutilate, kill, anything to prove a point. And I—I'm not even a good person. I don't get to have something. I shouldn't. I'll do whatever I'm asked of. And if my mother asks me to—" she opened her eyes, steadied on the sight of Morgan. She swallowed, knowing her promise was as easy as a spell and a few ingredients to break. What good was it then? What good was anything she did? She turned her gaze back to the table, the flask between them and the crushed pie in its simple tin. "I don't want to hide you away like some—some—" anger flared, and she balled her hands into a fist. The flask shone bright in its spot on the table. The sentence hung unfinished.

Deirdre leaned into Morgan, sighing against her. She pulled her close, best as she could, and held her too, in case she never got the privilege to again. 'I want you' brought a heady crawl up her, caught in her throat. She fixated on the fact Morgan could simply mean physically, or in the way that comforted—nothing more. If it was anything more, Deirdre wouldn't have the courage to finish the conversation she asked for. "What something else is there?" No satisfying end; wasn't that a fact she'd come to learn already? She turned to look at Morgan again. Her expression, fraught with pain that sat diligently over longing, flicked with the ghost of a smile. "I want you too." She felt it necessary to have that said, while she the courage lasted and she knew exactly how she'd meant the words. Deirdre repeated herself with more meaning now, "what something else is there then?"

Morgan’s heart fluttered with panic as Deirdre explained what happened to fae who touched people like her. Liked people like her. It had occurred to her in the woods that there was some fuckery like that in Deirdre’s life, but she hadn’t imagined they would be violent to their own. Didn’t fae have more pride in themselves than that? But fucking stars, it never ended. No laws, no years, no magic in the cosmos would ever be enough to make her into something that wouldn’t be reviled in someone’s gaze. It never stopped, and it wasn’t fair. Just one more thing. “I didn’t know,” she whispered. “You never said—“ She turned in the seat so she could reach more of Deirdre, tuck her face into her neck. Were there any watching them now? Would they know just by looking or smelling— Morgan remembered how she would monitor the angle of her legs, the length of her stares, her gestures. Not too much, she told herself, and yet somehow, someone would always suspect. The surprise on the girls’ faces when they saw something in her hurt just as much as the disgust, wait, are you a queer? And she would lie, and hide better, but that did nothing to change the truth. The memory made her want to hold Deirdre closer, tighter. As if that alone could keep all the hatred and unfairness away. “I can handle a lot of that, Deirdre. Do you not know what they used to do to people like me where I’m from? What they still do?” She laughed, small and sad, because the only thing funny was that she hadn’t escaped that barrier, even in her first supernatural community. “Secrecy, that’s nothing to me. And you do deserve to have something that feels like this, no matter what you’ve been told, you do. But I didn’t know I was putting your life at risk with this.” She kissed her temple tenderly and breathed through the ache of disappointment building in her.

“I could be your friend,” she said after a while, as gently as she could. “We could be friends who talk to each other online. Maybe call for a good reason and send little things, now and then. Would that be safer for you? Would someone here hurt you for that?” She pressed into Deirdre’s hair and rubbed at the stiffness in her weary body. “Because the way I see it, we already care about each other, and that’s what keeps us coming back here. And being helpless to do anything about it is what hurts most. So what if, instead of hurting ourselves and each other by trying to cut it off entirely...we find a way to care a little differently. I can know if you’re okay, and what happened with the stolen food at work, and you can have my stories, and anything else you want to know. We can know each other, and you can be safe. And it won’t be what we want most, but it won’t hurt so much. And it’ll matter.” She pressed a firm kiss to her head. “I can’t un-know you, and you won’t ever stop mattering to me, Deirdre. So I can’t leave you behind like you’re nothing and I’m not going to let you ask me to again. I would much rather take the honor of being your good but not too often seen friend. There’s no point in failing at this no contact policy a third time, right?”

It was a bad idea to chug down whiskey after eating an excessive amount of pie. Deirdre could feel it inside her, which was bad, because she could feel a lot of things inside her. None of which were the fun sort of thing to be feeling. She relaxed into Morgan, mostly because she was sure if she tried to move away pie would come back out in bits and chunks. “I know,” she mumbled, “I got it too, from the humans. It’s the most absurd thing.” But it was further used to reinforce their inferiority. Of course the silly, lowly humans would think in such limiting ways. Deirdre pulled her head up, feeling the effects of the liquor and thankfully little of the pie. “You said you liked telling people you were a witch because it was nice to be...open,” she blinked, confused. Maybe Morgan just meant generally, and not in the sense that she’d be okay if that was their situation. It couldn’t have been anyway, there was the hurdle of ‘I’m a murderer’ that she also needed to get over and the idea of hiding anything at all always made her stomach churn (although, more likely in this case, that was the pie). “You deserve to have something that…something. I deserve more pie...and a nap,” she hiccuped, “I just said--I just said that I’m not a good person.”

She swallowed the feeling of bubbling pie down as the warmth of booze filled her mind with fuzz, but just enough clarity to whimper at Morgan’s use for the word ‘friend’. Eventually, she spoke up. “You think I care about my safety?” Deirdre pulled back, just enough to look at Morgan. Earnestly, eye-to-eye, the way her great-great-grandmother taught her. “I’m worried about you. I don’t care about--they’re far more likely to hurt you, Morgan. I’m young, this can be seen as a lapse in judgement. I don’t like humans, I like you--I’ll get called names for the next fifty years but I’ll be fine. You, on the other hand…” She sighed, lifting her hands to hold Morgan’s face; half because the desire to just kiss her grew more with each moment and half because the room was spinning a little. “You could un-know me. There’s spells and drugs for that.” None of which she liked, but the option rolled in the back of her head. “Not too often is--” her face broke out into a pout and her hands fell away from Morgan’s face, defeated, “no sex?”

“I did, yeah,” Morgan admitted. “But I’m really used to things being the other way. And if it was for you, it would at least be a good reason.” Not that they could take the risk, not if Deirdre could be ground into the pavement or sent away to have the best parts of her tortured away. “Oh, not the good person thing again,” Morgan laughed dryly. “Look, morality is relative. I already said you’re good to the people who matter, and if this is about not caring about a dead doe or the secret ritual sacrifice things you’re raised to do in the name of death I’m not supposed to know anything about, that still doesn’t mean you’re not a person who deserves love. And nice, warm things and being known and cherished.” She added the other words on quickly, as if they might obscure the first, weightiest, and most dizzying. But it was hard not to think of such words with Deirdre’s hands on her face, with her deep brown eyes looking into hers. “Well I don’t want to un-know you. And I’m cursed and if I don’t figure anything out I have maybe twelve years before I get hit with a flying anvil or something. And I can try to measure what I give and what I burden other people with, and I do, all the time, but--” But it was just worth it when she was with Deirdre. Claiming even a few hours, a few days, out of the cold, cursed fist of the universe felt worth it every time. “I just want to know you more than I’m afraid of everything else.” Which meant the measurements would always fail, that she might overlook something, and leave Deirdre vulnerable in the next twist of her stupid, stupid curse.

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “No sex. Not too much coming over. But we’d still have something of each other. We wouldn’t have to go crazy wanting to write, we could just do it. You could call to hear my voice, and you’d let me do it too. Isn’t that worth something? Isn’t that better than what we’ve been trying?”

Now the room was really fuzzy, all except Morgan and her beautiful, perfectly crafted lips that Deirdre could just lean into and---”Huh?” She shook her head, “secret ritual sacri--no! No! I’m seriously evil!” Not that the words were any convincing coming out with a drunken mumble and a childish pout. “It means exactly those things, Morgan!” And her exasperation was enough to keep her from falling on top of Morgan in a sloppy attempt to close distance in the way she’d ached to since Morgan first entered Al’s as a divine vision. “I wanna know you more than I know a...mhm, pie.” What once seemed like brilliance, to down her liquor and power through a much-needed conversation while she had the heart to, now seemed completely terrible. Deirdre tried to steady herself, and a pout turned into her drunken idea of seriousness. And then her drunken idea of seriousness turned back into a pout, this time wider and accompanied by eyes that glistened and betrayed her dismay. “N-no sex. Yeah, that’s--I’m okay with--I don’t even know what sex is.” She swallowed, “I--that’s--friends is fine.” It sounded like the logical thing in the moment, the best of both worlds. As Morgan explained it, at least. Deirdre wasn’t sober enough for her own risk-analysis, even if that was the job she got paid for. “Is that...what you want? To be friends? Just friends? Nothing-more-no-sex friends? Occasionally-meeting-nothing-more-no-sex friends?” Because she didn’t. “That,” her lip quivered, “that’s fine.”

Even a drunken Deirdre’s disappointment was hard to take. Morgan couldn’t help but touch her fingers to the corner of her quivering mouth and bring their foreheads gently together. Remind her that they were attempting  to play a whole other ballgame besides want alone. Make it hurt less. “You know what I really want,” she said. “What I really want to give you. What I wish I could really keep of you. You know how I feel, Deirdre,” she said. “But if you won’t let me, or if it costs too much to have what we want, I will take being your friend any day over nothing. It’s still worth it.”

Now the alcohol really was a terrible idea. Deirdre couldn’t think of a thing to say that wasn’t some dramatic variation of ‘take me’ or ‘I don’t care’ or more notably ‘I don’t care, take me’. She’d sober up to regret this, she knew that. Regret having this conversation, regret falling so easily into Morgan’s sweet clutches--where the words were gentle and the ideas alluring. But would she regret it more if she agreed to the mocked idea of friendship? “I don’t know what you want,” she whispered, closing her eyes. Her heart thrummed, and panic bubbled up--or was that pie? Or both? She suppressed the panic-pie and tried to go on, “I don’t---how do you feel?” Was it a bad idea to ask? Her stomach fluttered at the possibility, from hope---or was that the pie again? “No, don’t tell me. It’s better if you--no, tell me. No, don’t. No---I don’t know,” she breathed after a moment, “do I want to hear this?”

For the first time since coming here, Morgan felt her own little walls rise up, felt them beg her, no, no, please… What was the point? They hadn’t seemed to agree on whether the risks were worth taking, or why the smallest pleasure of exchanging words at a distance might not feel enough. Deirdre’s sobriety had bypassed questionable. For all Morgan knew, she might not remember in the morning and this will all have been a very strange dream. Why tell her, confuse her, maybe even frighten her with the truth? Because it might not. Because she was owed the truth if Morgan’s being here wasn’t enough to grant her certainty.

Morgan put her hand gently over Deirdre’s heart, which had begun to flutter in spite of her natural stillness. “Remember to breathe slowly,” she urged, voice tight. Was Deirdre already afraid of how deep, how predictably in over her head and cliche she was? Or was Deirdre afraid that she somehow wasn’t? She gave herself so easily to Morgan when she was asked, but took so little. Could she take this from her? Catch it with her gentleness? Keep it? Morgan swallowed thickly. “And I guess that depends...on how you feel too. Would it change anything for the better, if you knew I want to be the person who cherishes you at the end of the day?” She swallowed again, thicker. “Would you do anything different if I said I want all of you, or as much of you as I’m allowed? Or that I feel safe with you, in a way I haven’t before, when we’re together? Would you...would you be scared, if I told you I...I think I love you? Because I don’t have to tell you that, if it makes you scared.” She dropped her hand tentatively, braced herself. “I don’t want you to be a-afraid of me or disappear because it seems kinda soon for that or to make this harder, so, I don’t have to…” she trailed off. 

Deirdre’s world slowed into a singular sound, the scenery of Al’s fell away in messy clumps. She watched Morgan’s lips and waited until they stilled. Once she was sure no more words could escape them, she leaned in, pressing her lips to Morgan’s in a kiss she’d wanted for for the better part of an hour now--as fervent as the insistent thumping of a heart that was supposed to be slow. The small booth was a curse suddenly, with not enough room to hold Morgan against her and no way to push the table bolted to the floor someplace else. Working with what little she did have, she reached out to press herself into Morgan, or Morgan into her, not caring that her knee jabbed awkwardly into the booth seat’s back. With her arms tangled around the human, and her body twisted to face her completely, she only remembered the need to breathe when her lungs demanded she pull back, but not away. Breathless, Deirdre smiled, a confession of her own sat at the edge of the tongue that darted out over her lips.

“Morgan, I…” she sighed, pressing her forehead to the woman’s. If only the world would let her stay like that. She leaned back, reaching out to hold Morgan’s hand. “I have to be honest with you, as my heart demands it, but I didn’t hear a single word of what you said. I’m so extremely sick right now that the only thing keeping me from throwing up is that you’re in front of me, and that I want to kiss you again, and that I refuse to get sick in public. It’s all I can think about. Everything tastes like cherry and whiskey and blueberry and vodka.” She leaned her head on Morgan’s shoulder, or fell over on her. “I can’t hear anything but my stomach and it’s not happy. I can’t even hear myself.” And she was so close to the edge of expelling all of the pie she’d consumed that she imagined the lie to be as believable as it could be. 

She didn’t know anything about love. She knew what she’d been told of it, that it was the kind of thing her family had for her, and she for them, and that fae held for each other no matter what. That humans couldn’t even fathom the word, that they never meant it. She didn’t know what it felt like, if it lied or changed or went away if she didn’t reach for it. She’d regret a lot once she sobered, she’d regret playing the part of the sick drunk too. She’d regret not saying what she wanted, and what she felt honestly. But this was a kindness. The chance to let Morgan take it back, think it over and come to the right conclusion. To say she couldn’t hear her, when the only thing she could hear in this empty diner was the song of Morgan’s voice; this was a kindness. To kiss her then, as she would for the last time. To commit feeling to memory, but in such a inconsequential way that Morgan could forget just as Deirdre would never. All she’d been told of love was sacrifice; this then, was exactly that. “Mhm, we can go with the friends thing--I can’t think right now.”

Morgan didn’t know what to think at first. The initial silence after her words seemed to roar in her ears, then she was being kissed, not just kissed but swept away into Deirdre’s arms entirely. Caught. Held. Morgan was so bewildered she accepted her without question, clung to her and kissed her back with the same relief and abandon, beaming against Deirdre’s lips with hope all the way until she spoke. 

Oh. 

She did her best not to let her face waver. It wasn’t Deirdre’s fault. She wasn’t trying to leave her hanging alone in her feelings, she said as much. She’d had too much, she was ill, and Morgan probably should have known better anyway. She didn’t get to be someone who kept things, kept people. Stolen bits of light from the universe were just that, and they would slip away again each time.

She hid the tremble in her fingers by stroking the back of Deirdre’s head. It was just as well, she told herself. Friendship would keep the banshee safe from the other fae and safer still from Morgan’s curse. If she really did love Deirdre, isn’t that what she should want for her anyway, even over having her? Wouldn’t it make her something horrible, to long too hard for something different? Too selfish?

“Why um, why don’t we get you home, okay?” She said softly, still petting Deidre’s hair with shaky fingers. “I’ll get you set up. You need to be somewhere more comfortable, alright?” At least she had braced herself first, Morgan thought. At least in Deirdre’s drunken innocence, she had given her only a short way to fall. “Come on, I’ve got you…”

Deirdre considered for a moment that it was wrong to assume the trajectory of Morgan's emotions and their eventual fall away from her. Wrong, maybe, but right. Risk-analysis was her job, prediction was her birthright. She lived looking ten steps ahead, detached from the present. And love, true love, wasn't that sacrifice? Wasn't that suffering, bending and breaking and denying want and desire for the sake of someone else? She knew the kind of person she was, the kind of things she did and the kind of things she could be made to do if only her duty asked it of her. Such a person, cruel and unkind, wouldn't suit Morgan. Not in the fantastical way that Jane Austen painted love to be, by two souls that were ultimately pure and deserving of such affection—or it was as she remembered it. How long had it been since she'd actually read one? Frightened of the truth that might sit in those pages, she hadn't dared. All she knew for now was that she wanted nothing but kindness for Morgan, how to go about giving that to her was its own problem. 

But she was sick, and pie did want to leave her churning stomach. If only she could have asked Morgan was was right, what was kinder; giving her what she wanted for now or making it easier when she realized it wasn't what she wanted later. And all of that ignoring the fact Morgan very well could be flayed if Deirdre wasn't careful with the hiding. It was hard still, not to take it all back when she could feel Morgan's fingers in her hair. To say that she wanted this, for as long as she could have it. "You do 'got' me," she mumbled, drunkenly collecting her things and stumbling up to stand. She pulled three crisp hundred dollar bills and slapped them down, turning to look at Morgan instead of the pie-stained table. "I'm all yours." And she'd meant it in more of the emotional sense than the fact she nearly fell on top of her as she needed to be carried along, but if hiding it under an act was the only way she could say it, she'd take it for now. "Can I—" she paused, raising her fingers to her lips to half pretend to stop a spew of digested pie. "Can I just say something? I think—I think you are unquestionably the best human but also so—" she brought her fingers to her lips again, this time to keep out an inopportune burp. "So, so deserving of several things. One of which will be something good, that lasts forever. Forever! That doesn't even exist! Nothing is forever but you're going to have it." She nudged the human, "and you know what else? I don't—I can't use words good now." She hiccuped, sure that it wasn't much of an act anymore. Deirdre steadied herself and forced clarity with as much power as a drunk Irish woman could: "I promise you that if you want me, if you need me or if you're just lonely or sad or scared or if you just want someone with you, or if you need help or you're in trouble...I promise that if you ask, I'll come to you." 

Morgan hadn’t known her heart could drop a second time, but Deirdre’s proclamation of I’m all yours did just that. “That would be really something,” she whispered with longing, confident enough that Deirdre wouldn’t hear, or at least remember. And it was hard not to laugh in an awful way at the money she left on the table. Yeah, real evil one, that Deirdre, even with all the pie debris, it had to have been an outrageous tip. But she made it mostly out of the diner with the banshee in tow, letting her words slide off her little walls, listening to their whispers of I told you so, instead, until Deirdre stopped them and promised. 

Morgan leaned away from her far enough to search her face. How alert was she? How fast did drink wear off for fae? It was as though she had emerged out of the whiskey pool just for this, just for her. Morgan nodded, too astonished to speak. The falling had stopped and she was held again. Amazing, how she could be held without being touched. But what else could she make of that promise, twinned with her own from the lake, but their own way of keeping arms around each other, even when they were apart? Slowly, taking advantage of Deirdre’s stillness, Morgan took the scrunchie she’d left on her wrist and swept back the woman’s hair, pressing close into her as she did. “Okay,” she said at last.”Okay.” Once wasn’t enough to make it real. And she would have to check in with Deirdre on it by the light of day, just in case. But she wasn’t selfless enough to turn it away now. She wanted to believe that Deirdre would stay a little bit hers, that if she said the words for how she felt again, they would be answered back as a matter of course, and if those ideas faded into dust like some backfired alchemy the next day, at least she held them now. They felt real enough. She squeezed Deirdre’s arms tight, resisting the urge to kiss her just one more time (if she started again now, she’d never stop) and resumed their walk to her car again. “Let’s get you taken care of,” she said, guiding her through the passenger door. “Cozy and hydrated and safe. And I’ll stay with you, until you fall asleep.”

What was it that Deirdre’s mother had told her when she took her books from her hands? Something about how life could was never that sweet or simple, how stories were often just that--stories. Or was it something about how humans were never smart, never kind, the lambs to the laughter? Deirdre closed her eyes, humming under Morgan’s touch, bending down for her--yielding--to make it easier to pull her hair back. Was it something instead about how the lines between fae and human were clear, and she had her place above them and they had theirs? Something about rabbits, surely. Her mother loved to compare the humans to animals. Her mother never spoke of the desire to want to hold a rabbit close, to shelter it with her body from the cruel world that never was sweet or simple. She spoke of affection once, only to call it useless. Deirdre opened her eyes as soon as the contact left, cold in its wake. Her fingers twitched at her side, shocked by the impulse to reach for Morgan again. She could, half-drunk under pale moonlight and bright stars, illuminated faintly by neon signs, it would feel almost right. And wasn’t it a crime not to make sure Morgan knew how well starlight suited her? Shouldn’t she do something? It would be almost right of her.

Instead she let their walk resume, uninterrupted by the affection she wanted to share. She waved a hand dismissively as she plopped into the passenger’s seat, “I don’t need to be taken care of.” And she hated the feeling every time but this once, just this once. When Morgan took her seat at the wheel, Deirdre turned to her, arm tucked under her head as she tried to fashion it into a pillow for herself. Want was wrong, selfish. Want was the thing that humans did, the thing that made them weak. She’d heard it from her mother in a dozen different ways, sometimes with animals--sheep, rabbits, pigs, cattle. “You said if you were a vision, you’d be wearing something cute and I said I the only thing I want from you is to be with me,” she smiled softly as her eyes betrayed her mourning, “I’m sorry I want you. But I can promise you that I’ve never met a more beautiful woman. If this is a dream, I’m not so sure my mind would have changed anything at all, not even that unruly fluff you call hair.” 

Deirdre turned back, facing forward and crossing her arms over her chest. “Until I fall asleep…” she mumbled to herself. Well, that was as easy as never falling asleep then, wasn’t it? If it was selfish to want, to hold, then stealing moments would just have to do. “You could stay with me longer than that,” she mumbled again, “but I guess this would really be a dream then.”

Morgan coaxed her car to life with a few wriggles of the key and put a hand on Deirdre’s as they pulled out into the night. “I’d rather be real than nothing,” she said, making an effort to convince herself as well. And sure enough, when the morning began to stretch into the sky and Deirdre’s eyes settled into something like sleep, Morgan left her hangover supplies in the kitchen with her initial on a post-it. It was as tender as it was sad, a ghost of the breakfast and care Deirdre had made for her after Valentine’s Day. But it was real. And maybe one day it might even feel like enough to be content. 

[silvensei]

In This Mad Machinery

A human and an android swap bodies, resulting in identity crises, existentialism, philosophy with the boys, and fun!

Detroit: Become Human | gen | 20k | rated T | introspective comedy/sci-fi

Chapter 3 (2.5k words) | [AO3 link] | [first] | < prev | next >

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A bell chimed above the door as it swung open. A portly woman turned around from the counter, a practiced yet warm smile and greeting at the ready. When she noticed who her new patrons were, she paused and propped a hand on her hip. “Well, look what the cat dragged in!” she teased amicably. “Hank Anderson! Haven’t seen your face ‘round here in ages!”

“Sorry, Bel. You know how life gets in the way,” Connor said, parroting Hank’s briefing from the car. “Is the usual still on the menu?”

“Aw, hon,” she laughed, “joshing as always!”

Connor smiled. He had no idea what that meant.

Fortunately, she turned her attention to the other member of his party. “As much as it’s good to see an old favorite, new faces keep the business going. Name’s Ysabel.”

Hank waved. “Connor.”

“Well, Connor, want a menu? It’s just your typical array of diner classics, but with enough pizzazz to knock your socks off, guaranteed!”

“Oh, no, thanks, ma’am, just a coffee for now.”

“Two cuppa joe and a patty with the fixin’s.” She waved them off and adjusted her apron. “You boys go make yourselves comfortable, y’hear?”

She left for the kitchen. Hank ushered Connor into the diner proper, over to the rows of red booths with black and white marbled tables. With windows on two sides, natural light filled the space. Only a handful of other tables were occupied, people chattering amongst themselves. It wasn’t terribly spacious, but in the way that it felt cozy rather than claustrophobic.

Hank settled in a corner booth, his back to the wall. “She seems nice,” Connor commented, sitting across from him.

“Bel? She’s more than nice. She’s probably the closest thing to an angel I’ve got.” His head turned to look out the window, letting Connor notice a momentary bout of erratic flickering in his LED. “It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from, but she still makes this place seem like a mother’s kitchen. Just home recipes abound. And to top it all off? She don’t take shit from no one.

“One time—” he laughed, “—One time, ages ago, Jeffrey and I came by for lunch just pissed off. An easy drug bust flipped right around and left us with nothing, sending us right back to the drawing board. One officer was so furious she quit that morning. So we came in here, fuming, cussing up a storm, just miserable bastards looking to drown our frustrations in some good ol’ comfort food; it was too early for booze, but hell, did we come close. Bel came over with absolutely not the right thing, like soup and salad or something. I’ll admit, I was a bit of a hotheaded prick back then—”

“‘Back then’?”

“Watch it, boy,” Hank warned with a grin. “Anyway, I snapped at her, saying I wasn’t in the mood to deal with this, we didn’t want this, how hard was it to grill a fucking burger, I didn’t even have my coffee yet, and so on, and she shut me up by throwing a glass of water in my face. It was nearly empty already and didn’t have ice, but it was enough to do the trick. Then she said, ‘If starting over is so easy, why don’t you kids stop bitching and suck it up?’ Then she walked away.” Hank rested his chin in his hand, the smile still on his face. “It was the literal smack to the head that I needed. She gave us the soup n’ salads on the house as an attempt to get us to eat healthier. The coffee was free, too, but it was mostly hot sauce to get back at me for yelling at her.

Connor’s own smile had only grown. He wasn’t entirely sure why; it seemed like an involuntary response. “If that’s not the definition of a guardian angel, then I don’t know what is.”

“What can I say? You really do need a friend around who’s not afraid to knock some sense into you.”

Connor leaned back, sinking into the red cushions. This was comfortable. Natural light diffusing through the windows; fun conversation with the white noise of other discussions over quiet music he couldn’t place; the ever-present aroma of a kitchen hard at work; a pleasant warmth from the sunlight (without the radiation). He would like to come here again.

With such fond memories, though, why hadn’t they come here before in the six months Connor had known him? He decided to ask.

Hank continued looking out the window. His expression shifted into something Connor couldn’t interpret, but the brief red light gave him some clues. “It just seemed a bit boring to bring an android to a restaurant, y’know? You don’t really eat and all….”

“You boys gossiping over here?” joked Bel, sliding two mugs of coffee onto the table. Connor jumped; he hadn’t heard her approach. Or maybe his ears did, but his attention was focused elsewhere. Bel laughed. “Late nights at the bar making you jumpy?”

“Ah… not so much anymore,” Connor improvised. “Some late nights on the job, if anything.”

“Oh, I’d bet. Between homicide and android rights cases, you two are probably set on work for the next couple years.” She fished around in the pocket of her apron.

“Where did you hear about our casework?” asked Hank.

Bel found her target and deposited a couple small cups of thirium into the bowl of half-and-half creamers. “All over the news, hon! You’re really paving the way for androids in the work force. Setting the bar pretty high, too, while you’re at it.” She smiled before whisking off to other tables.

“As nice as ever, that Bel,” Hank commented. He inspected one of the thirium cups and asked, “How is this compared to plain old creamers?”

Connor’s hands hovered around his mug. He lacked his infrared temperature sensor, his unfamiliar tactile senses only told him ‘hot,’ and he couldn’t even remember what a fourth-order differential to estimate heat loss through radiation looked like. He’ll just give it a minute or two to cool. “I’m sure thirium doesn’t taste pleasant, but because the android program recognizes it as essential to mechanical function, it won’t register the taste. It’s just used like a nutritional benefit.”

Hank’s nose scrunched for a moment as he regarded tainting his sacred drink. Then he shrugged, poured one in with a stir and downed a gulp. He stared past Connor, eyes narrowed as he critiqued the taste. There was a smattering of yellow in his LED. “Mmmmm,” he soon hummed. “0.12 calories.”

A snort of laughter caught in Connor’s nose, which turned into a short bout of coughs. The tickle it left in his nasal cavity was completely alien. “Shit,” he choked out. Hank was much better at containing his reaction to just a smirk. “I don’t like how involuntary that was.”

“Hah. Welcome to the club.”

“And hot off the presses!” Bel swept over to them once again, setting a platter in the middle of the tabletop. “Did the onions myself! It was such a treat to break out the cheddar patties again, too; they just go to waste when you’re not around.”

Connor sat mesmerized. He and Hank had gone to many—if not most—burger joints in and around Detroit, but the hamburger in front of him was the tallest, most layered sandwich he had ever seen. Two burgers, flecks of cheddar dripping from them, overflowing with caramelized onions, roasted peppers, mushrooms, slices of some other cheese, lettuce, pickles—is that macaroni? A sharp kick to the shin snapped him from his trance long enough to thank Bel and send her off. “Lieutenant!” he hissed. He leaned forward to keep his voice down, regretting the full whiff of that savory, melty scent he got. “Do you know how many calories are in this?!”

“With this head of yours, I do now, yeah. And no way am I telling you, impulsive programming be damned!” Hank set a devious grin in his borrowed expression; this mischievous image of his doppelgänger made Connor uncomfortable. “Give it a try. I can guarantee it’s delicious.”

He knew he shouldn’t. It was unhealthy, grease-laden, and caloric. As if the burger wasn’t enough, the bed of beer batter waffle fries that coated the plate with accompanying cups of barbecue sauce could’ve been a meal on its own. It also smelled incredible.

It was technically a command from Hank, he realized, but without a HUD of objectives, it was nothing more than words. Nothing binding about it.

But it smelled so good.

He picked up the burger, leaving in the steak knife skewer holding it together. Before he could second-guess himself, he took a bite. There was a crunch from the brioche, a different crunch of the onions, then too many to distinguish, each with its own flavor that he had no previous reference on which to base any categorization, but together, it was splendid.

His instinct was to isolate and analyze each individual component, but without his tech, it was just a bombardment of information. By the time the taste stopped overwhelming his senses, half of the burger was gone.

Hank was swirling the coffee around in his mug, expression dripping in ‘told ya so.’ “A goddamn culinary masterpiece, right?”

Connor took another quick bite (getting mostly onions and macaroni) before he replaced it on the plate. He wiped off his hands on a paper napkin to buy processing time. “Lieutenant,” he said. “Hank. I still disapprove. But I understand now.”

“Fuckin’-A right!” Hank took a bite out of a waffle fry. “Listen, I get that you guys don’t need to eat, but it wouldn’t kill ya every now and then. CyberLife at least could’ve built in better taste buds. All I’m getting is calorie count and salt content, not any of the finesse.”

Trying a fry for himself, he noted the tang that he deduced as saltiness. Though not the main dish, they were also quite good. He took another. “It’s not vital to androids’ function—”

“And it’s not ‘vital’ to come and eat out like this. It’s just fuckin’ delightful.”

That is true. Much of his existence these days isn’t spent out of necessity. He didn’t have to pet Sumo, but it made him happy to do so. Munching on a third fry, he realized that humans were the same, except with more of a sensory benefit, like the fluffiness of Sumo’s fur. Why weren’t they the ones with compulsive programming? It seemed like they would need it more, what with all these distractions that can physically affect their mental state. “Ohh…,” he realized, “no wonder addictions are such an issue.”

“Now— hold on, now, how’d you jump to that conclusion? Like, yeah, but—” Hank’s LED began blinking. He flinched from something before raising his eyebrows. “A call from Jeffrey. Now this’ll be interesting.” He hesitated before he looked around the room. “I, ah, should probably take this elsewhere, ‘case it’s on the down low.”

“Tap the temple to answer,” Connor advised as Hank slid out of the booth and went to the door.

Connor crunched another fry, one that was extra crunchy. He should probably pay Bel soon and get a box for the rest, should they have to leave in a hurry. If only he knew how much two coffees and a—shit.

He picked up the untouched coffee. It was barely warm now. Unhelpful one-track human brain. Can’t even set a reminder in the background. He took a sip. It didn’t warm him or anything, but it tingled his tongue in a sort of dry, sharp way. Coffee was bitter, right? He didn’t think it would be this bitter, but Hank did like his coffee black. Despite complaining he couldn’t taste much, Hank’s mug was completely drained.

He spotted Bel this time as she approached. “Could I get a box for the rest of this? It sounds like we might have to leave soon.”

“Always off to save the city, you two are. I’ll get this all wrapped up in a jiffy!”

“And how much do I owe you?” Connor asked before she left with his plate. He was pretty sure Hank’s wallet was in his left pocket.

Bel cocked a grin. “Hon, has it really been so long you don’t remember?”

He paused. “Got two coffees this time.”

“Oh, silly me, that’s true! How’s an even ten bucks sound, then?”

Connor couldn’t help a small frown. “That seems a bit low….”

“Nah, call it a ‘welcome back’ discount.” Her expression lost its teasing edge, becoming something warm. “It’s good to see you again, Hank.”

While he liked the woman, if the conversation was going to turn sentimental, he wasn’t sure how well he was going to keep up his act. “It’s good to see you, too, Bel,” he replied before bringing his cold mug to his lips, hoping to end it there.

“And I hope you kept your talent for parenting.”

Connor almost choked. “What?”

“You were always a good father.” Bel was looking over his shoulder, off down memory lane. “Cole was the brightest kid in the county. But while more tragedy has befallen you than I would wish on anybody, I still hope Connor’s lucky enough to be in the same kind of care.”

“No, sorry, Connor’s not my son, he’s a detective—my coworker—not to mention an android.”

“Which means he might need it most, eh, sugar?” She shifted her weight and her gaze, looking back at him. “Sure, he looks what, twenty-five? Thirty? But isn’t he a new model? He probably ain’t even three yet, and he’s been deviant for way less than that. A father figure to show him the societal ropes sounds perfect to me.”

He felt like a process or ten had stalled. Fortunately, Hank returned to the table, so Bel took his plate and left with no more than a wink.

“Jeffrey wants us at the office today,” Hank said. Connor blinked and took a breath, trying to not focus on Bel’s inanity. (RK800 androids were the most advanced—hot off the production line immediately—he didn’t need—)

“Specifically, he wants me,” continued Hank, “so technically, he wants you. Said it shouldn’t take long.”

Connor cleared his throat. “So why didn’t he call me directly?”

“He did. A few times.”

Startled, Connor quickly dug out Hank’s phone. The screen lit to two missed calls, one new voicemail, and some new emails. “Oh….”

“Not so easy when it doesn’t directly invade your brain, huh? Now can you forgive me for not texting immediately?”

“I thought we were supposed to be unraveling the secrets of existence, Lieutenant, not dissecting your communication and dietary habits.”

Hank laughed. In Connor’s opinion, it didn’t sound right with his voice, but it made him smile nonetheless. “So, are we both going or just me?” he asked.

“I dunno, what else am I gonna do?”

Connor hummed. “It’s Saturday, right? Markus might be home.”

“Markus? As in rA9 Markus?”

“If CyberLife keeps this up, he’s bound to hear about it sooner or later, so why not tell him now? He usually checks in on his human on the weekends.”

Hank shrugged. “Might as well, I guess. Gives me something different to do. Where’s he live?”

“Around. Don’t ask me, you’re the one with the GPS today.”

Bel returned once more and set a cardboard box on the table. “Well, boys, it was my pleasure!” she boomed. “Y’all better come back soon, alright?”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Hank said with a smile as he stood. “Wonderful coffee.”

“Aw, c’mere!” She pulled him into a hug, something that didn’t fluster Hank at all. When the embrace broke, she held him by both shoulders and said, “Oh, Hank, he hugs like you already!”

The real Hank’s eyebrow twitched. “What…does that mean?”

“Nothing, nothing!”

Connor avoided their eyes until he found a ten and some ones in his wallet and handed them to Bel. He picked up the box and used his free arm to give her a quick hug. It was warm. Nice. “Thanks, Bel.”

“Anytime!”

[next >]