#i got the ko-fi notif and i thought it was gonna be a 5 dollar donation which is awesome obviously but i went through and it was WAY more
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#omg omg omg a HUGE anon ko-fi payment was sent through at 11:11#i got the ko-fi notif and i thought it was gonna be a 5 dollar donation which is awesome obviously but i went through and it was WAY more#im like so grateful but also a bit sad because i wish i had an offer by now so i wouldnt have to depend on other's kindness & selflessness#this means i will be able to pay rent but ALSO not go into overdraft on utilities#which is amazing fuck but dude im still trying to push down the shame i got from accepting help#i really want this one job ive been trying for but im still so scared it will just fall through my fingers and all my excitement and hope#will be dashed and ill be heartbroken#and i have another interview for another job tmorrow and its gonna be long and grueling and i dont want the job#but i obviously will have to take it if its the only offer i get#my emotions are mess and im rationing my meds its just so dumb#and im so grateful for the help and its so stupid i feel so much shame around it#but im just trying to work through all of it one at a time and still hope that better is coming#i just want a chance to succeed a chance to give myself better#im so grateful people want to take care of me but i wish i could take care of them too ya know#sorry for having a tags breakdown#maybe i need to get outside and deep breathe or some shit#sorry for losing it#im just so grateful#and just really hope this time is coming to an end
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