#i got the bracelet at a local festival that was in town for a weekend

[hardyhibiscusboy]

guess who saw the barbie movie again...

[yeombin]

part i.iii: the day darkness fought against the light

(prev - series masterlist - next)

pairing: beomgyu x fem!reader, soobin x fem!reader, platonic ot5 x fem! reader

genre: angst, fantasy, fluff - adaptation of an interpretation of the txt storyline

section one playlist: here

word count: ~20k (just under!) 

chapter warnings: this chapter features a lot of death and blood and angst!! for sure, the most angsty so far. also features homophobic behaviour and bittersweet moments. also mentions of food and unrequited love. 

~ if there is anything that can be triggering in this writing and i have failed to tag it, please let me know ~ 

a/n: endless thanks to @pastelsicheng​ whose help i couldn’t do this without ❤️ (esp for the fight scene omg). also thank you for dealing with the long wait time! work and life piled up 💀 

Ever since you had a concept of life beyond childhood, the six of you promised to stick together through thick and thin. Repeated in whispers and in exclamations, the promise looked like it’d keep. Unfortunately, it was broken by the malicious words of a fifteen-year-old boy. 

From your first meeting to the last fight, the six of you experienced all that childhood and being a teenager had to offer. You watched each other grow in more ways than one. Previously, you were certain that there’d be many more milestones you’d get to experience together, from getting your first official jobs to retirement. Now, you just have to watch your friends experience them from afar. 

This was a fact that would particularly sting you later that day, as you would be barely twenty metres away from each other and pretending like the other doesn’t exist. 

An event purely focused on rituals, your personal tradition for the Harvest Festival is to spend the day with your best friends, help Yeonjun prepare for his speech, and then participate in as many activities throughout the event. Today was the first day straying away from tradition.

In fact, this time - the whole event is straying away from tradition. For one, Yeonjun wasn’t there to make his usual speech. Consequently, his absence has provided people with a scapegoat in case crops fail this year. 

Secondly, this is the first time in six years that the Harvest Festival fell on a weekend. 

Your friends had planned a special schedule for this weekend earlier in the year to truly celebrate. Everyone had written down what they wanted to do and Taehyun even scoured the books for more information about the festival’s history. While he couldn’t find much on it, Taehyun managed to find some of the historically accurate ways to celebrate the event. So while the plan was to go to the forest and practise Yeonjun’s speech, it also consisted of honouring old traditions like wearing woven or knitted products and gifting loved ones. When your parents heard of this plan, Mrs. Huening went straight to weaving six woven bracelets (and a special handkerchief for Yeonjun as it’d be his first speech as an adult). 

Back then, he promised to come back for the Harvest Festival. But back then, he also promised a lot of things. 

Knocking on the home you haven’t stepped foot in for half a year, you felt a tense heaviness fall on your shoulders as your heart sank…and sank…and sank. It wasn’t that you hadn’t been by his front door since the fight - you had to come by for deliveries, but the town’s gossip mill informed you of why today’s delivery was so special. 

Yeonjun was leaving town for university. Somewhere further than Beliftham, like he previously promised. ‘About a day’s carriage ride away’, Mrs. Ho had told you. 

Could the collapse of your friend group have led to him leaving his original plans of studying at a local university? You couldn’t help but wonder. Yet, you knew this option was better for him and his dreams.  

You got confirmation of his departure when you attended his graduation. A promise is a promise, you attended even without his knowledge. As he crossed the stage for the final time in his school career, they announced his plans to study politics at the renowned university in a central city. 

To describe how you were feeling when you found out is complicated. For one, you were elated; Yeonjun found his passion and was pursuing it at the country’s most renowned university. You didn’t have a doubt in your mind that he’d succeed. But, he’d be so far away. And you have yet to rebuild the bridge that was degraded by Ki-Hoon. 

You expected Mrs. Choi or Mayor Choi to show up at the door, as they normally do. When you’d come around, they acted like nothing had happened; as if you still showed up every week with your friends, ready to wander off with their son.

So lost in thought, you didn’t hear the muffled calls and footsteps from inside the house. 

“I’ll get the doo-” His voice trailed off as he laid his eyes on you, already using the door to protect him as if Beomgyu had sent you to start another fight. If it wasn’t from the feeling of fondness that radiated from within you as you looked into his eyes, you’d swear he was annoyed you came. “Oh, Y/N. Hello.” 

“Uh, hello.” Each word seemed to carefully tiptoe as if they were walking on broken glass. “You have a delivery.” You motioned towards the basket and Yeonjun immediately bowed to say thank you. Through the door widening, you see wooden boxes packed with all his stuff. 

Once the basket was free from your arms, a weirdly comforting silence filled you. Weird, purely as along with the comfort that came from his familiarity also came the tension of what had previously happened. 

You decided to break the glass you were walking on. “Congratulations, by the way.” Yeonjun tilted his head, as if he wasn’t packing the whole afternoon. “For university. I’m proud of you.” 

Yeonjun let out a dry chuckle, before looking awkward. His hand went to scratch the back of his neck as he tried to defend his choice from your non-existent judgement. “I thought ultimately, it’d be better for me to study there rather than Beliftham. It really - I know we promi-” 

“Hey,” you interrupted him. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You’re doing what’s best for you, and I’m so happy if you’re happy.” Yeonjun smiled softly back at you, before looking down at his feet. 

“I’m going to miss you a lot,” he croaked, now both of you looking down at the ground. Part of you wanted to reach out and give him the biggest hug possible. You could feel fear of uncertainty, of an unknown place. 

“I’ll miss you so much too.” Looking back up and making eye contact with him, you smiled. The future is scary and seeing Yeonjun leave was scarier, but you could tell he’d be happier there. “Let me know when you’re back, okay?” Maybe then, there won’t be anymore tension with everyone, you hoped. 

Placing the basket onto the ground, Yeonjun opened up his arms for your embrace and nodded.

“Jagiya!” Beomgyu called from the tomato patch, taking you out of your bittersweet memory. “Can you help me?” He sulked, making you chuckle. Your boyfriend has always hated tomatoes. 

As there was no school today, you decided to lend your parents extra help to prepare for the feast. Beomgyu didn’t hesitate to tag along. 

(‘It’s a test,’ your dad teased as he watched Beomgyu harvest carrots with his critical eye, “to make sure he truly is eligible as your suitor.”)

Entering the festival, your hand was interlocked with Beomgyu’s. The festival was already full of life by the beginning of it all, your neighbours filing in and playing games or filling up their cups with whatever mead (or apple juice) that is available. An array of lanterns provide cover from the dark night sky. Although the community was always so lively, the town was buzzing with a different type of energy. It almost was like you were in a whole new town altogether. 

Upon your entry, you spotted Taehyun and Kai. Although from a distance away, like you were growing up, you were magnetised to them. Almost immediately, you felt compelled to stare at their wrists. Were they wearing the bracelets too?  The sensation of the woven fabric around your wrist became an itching sensation as you tried to see if they too wore the friendship bracelets. Unfortunately, you couldn’t see it from here. 

By the pond, the two of them were…wrestling, is the best way to describe it. They were cackling; trying to force the other to fall down…into the pond? The sight of them made you smile. They look happy. Tuning into their animated laughs and giggles (and even their disappointed groans), you were happy. 

Yet a heaviness fell onto your heart. You wondered how the game would look if you were all involved. The first thing that came to mind was how Yeonjun and Soobin would spectate with you, acting like a commentator at an archery match. Beomgyu would’ve joined, or…well, more like knocked someone into the pond and flee from Taehyun’s anger. You wanted to go up to them, ask them how they are, and spend time with them - but you already knew how the last time went. 

“Oh, hey!” You grinned as you locked eyes with Taehyun and Kai as they walked back from the forest. It used to be all of your spots, somewhere you go to as six. Now, you all go there individually or in small groups. 

 Beomgyu’s grip on your hands tightened, not expecting to see the two. Sure, since the fight - the real bad blood was between Soobin and Beomgyu. Not between you, Kai, or Taehyun (you were unsure as to what happened with Yeonjun for him to avoid you, but you wanted to respect his wishes). However, Beomgyu drew invisible lines in the sand. And, to respect Beomgyu, you avoided Soobin. You didn’t want another fight. 

Kai and Taehyun greeted you with a smile - Kai about to go in for a hug, but once they locked eyes with Beomgyu; they tensed up. Trying to not talk about the elephant in the room, you asked them how school was going. Beomgyu’s eyes remained trained on the ground. 

“Yeah, fine, fine.” Taehyun said, carefully eyeing Beomgyu. You could tell that in this situation, no one is comfortable - not even you who was walking on eggshells as you tried to ensure nothing falls apart around you…at least, not more than it already has. “How are you…two?” He spat out the last word, as if he was releasing a poisonous arrow. 

Shaking your shared arm, you tried to encourage Beomgyu to talk - especially as he started to only make eye contact with you; his eyes pleading to leave. “We’re good!,” you answered, giving up. “Do you want to make plan-” 

“You guys are probably in a rush, right?” Kai and Taehyun seemed to have read Beomgyu’s mind as well, which is easy enough - they did grow up together. “We’ll let you be. Are you on a date?” 

Beomgyu nodded. “Yep, yep.” His lack of verbal thoughts were a sign he wasn’t in the mood for this. 

You motioned to the basket that Beomgyu is holding. “Picnic. Maybe one day-” Kai gave you a look. The look told you he knew what you were trying to do, but they didn’t want to poke the bear. Stopping mid-sentence, you admitted defeat to the pains of time and of change. “Yeah, well, it’s super lovely to see you guys.” 

“You too.” Taehyun smiled. You fought the urge to hug them. 

Would it be better if Beomgyu and I weren’t together? Obviously, with the dissolution of your friendship - you felt empty for a long time. They have been in your life since you could remember; they were your family.  It’s not to say you weren’t happy with Beomgyu - you were unbelievably happy. You adored him. Yet, you wondered what life would be like if your friends were still all together. 

You didn’t dare to say these thoughts out loud. You didn’t want to cause a fight.

“Let’s go take a seat?” you asked, tearing your eyes away from your old friends and towards the picnic tables. Beomgyu quickly agreed, hooking his arm into yours to keep you closer to him. Mindless chatter with Beomgyu always brought you to ease; it has since you were little kids. 

As soon as you reached the picnic tables, you immediately slumped into Beomgyu. Resting your legs over his lap and nuzzling your head on his shoulder, you felt at home in his embrace. Closely attuned, you could feel his chest move as he breaths and laughs and talks, and you couldn’t help but feel safe. You adore him - you truly do. More than you could ever describe. 

I want to marry him one day, you thought - ignorant to how he was thinking the same. To Beomgyu, his future was wrapped in his arms - breathing, living, and safe. 

However, the sight of Kai and Taehyun at the festival reminded you of the past. It’s odd to think back to the week after the fight; avoiding Beomgyu, who was once (and is) like a hearth, who at the time froze you over like a lake in winter.

“Y/N!” Your name echoed throughout the school halls you just tried to escape. It’s been a week since the fight and you’ve avoided every one except Taehyun, worried it’ll prompt a fight…maybe something worse. “Y/N!” The voice continued to call for you, until you were at the isolated spot of the school park and realised you couldn’t go too much farther. 

You took a breath, tired from your quick-rapid walking. Huffing, you turned around. “What?”

“Why have you been avoiding me again?” Beomgyu’s voice sounded like he was begging. Yes, sure, you walked to class with him and spent the rest of the day together the day of the fight. However, it was that night the realisation hit you; what exactly Beomgyu did. 

Sure, Ki-Hoon might’ve supplied the knife - but Beomgyu used it. Beomgyu had cut the ties between your group. The same group who you promised forever to. 

“I just…need a break.” You sighed and looked down at your hand. Beomgyu followed your line of sight, and immediately melted into the earth. The ring was gone; you left it at home until you got your thoughts sorted out. 

“From me? Us?” Beomgyu’s voice cracked.

You didn’t want to say that. You needed a break for yourself…to try and make sense of all this. You lost your lifelines, your anchors. “For me.” 

“Why?” The smallest movement he made towards you made you flinch. At the sight of your recoil, he retreated. “I won’t hurt you, you know?” 

How could you know? He never was the way he was last week before. What if it happens again? 

“Am I bad for you?” you asked, the words coming out before you can fully process what you said. “I mean, did I make you do that? Did I make you hit Soobin?” 

Beomgyu’s jaw dropped, his eyes wide. “No, no, not at all.” 

You could tell he was going to say something next, but you didn’t want to hear excuses or lies. “Because, if I did make you do…that, maybe we’re not meant to be. Maybe I’m like…a dark essence for you, or like…some toxic parasite!” 

“You make me better!” Beomgyu jumped in, now grasping onto your hands for his dear life as if your hands healed all wounds. “That was jealousy and anger and rage at Ki-Hoon, never never at you.” 

“Then why don’t you apologise?” 

Beomgyu shook his head. “It’s too late for that.” 

“It’s never too late.” 

“But it is,” he interjected. “Soobin has a crush on you. Forget what Ki-Hoon said, I know he did. Even as we started dating, you spent more time with him than me. It’s fair that I assumed that-” 

“Assumed I was cheating on you?” 

Beomgyu shook his head, “Assumed he was trying to take you away from me.” 

In all honesty, Beomgyu had no clue what came over him that day. It was like his eyes were foggy with dark clouds as deep whispers ran through his brain. Deep and husky, the voice wasn’t his own. Sounding like it bounced off the inside of his brain, echoing throughout, it wasn’t like any other thought he had. The voice seemed to have awoken the moment he got angry. 

To this day, Beomgyu is worried that seeing Soobin will only make that anger return. And with that anger came the voice. 

“Gyu-” With you using his nickname, Beomgyu felt a little piece of the fear of losing you chip away.

“Y/N,” he responded, now pulling your hands closer to his chest. His eyes pierced yours. You felt sincerity radiate from him; regret and adoration, fear and loss, guilt and most importantly - as much as you refuse to say this word until you mean it more than platonically- love. The feeling of his heartbeat through your palms was calming. “I adore you. And I know what I did was wrong, and I can't be more sorry. I want to apologise to Soobin, don’t get me wrong. I just…am not ready for it.” Every word felt heavy with truth. In another life, you may be doubting his words - but something about how you’re feeling lets you know you don’t have to be wary of him. “But, I am ready for you. I've always been ready for you.” 

His eyes were full of childlike honesty, yet the way he searched your eyes was as if trying to discover a new constellation in them. “I want to say I’m ready to be with you too, but what if it happens again?” 

“It won’t.” Beomgyu assured you, his hands now sliding to rest on his hips. A brief silence washed over you two; both of you staring into each other’s eyes as if they were sailboats during a stormy sea. “I first started to notice these feelings when we were eleven. Remember when I fell and hurt my ankle?” 

You nodded, rolling your eyes at the memory. It was something dumb. Long story short, the boys were trying out jousting and Beomgyu didn’t notice something that would scare the horse. Instead of lunging forward towards Soobin, he fell onto the ground - landing straight onto his ankle. 

“When you stayed by my side until the school apothecary came and told me just to walk it off. I remember how you fought them, saying to call your mom, because your mom knows best…that was the moment I realised I liked you more than a friend.” 

“But I wasn't overreacting!” At the mention of the memory, you were transported back. “Your ankle was literally swollen and bent and you couldn’t just walk it off!” Beomgyu chuckled; his thumb stroking the back of your hand as he smiled down at you. Your eyes lit up as you spoke angrily, the concern for an event that happened years ago evident on your face like it happened yesterday. 

His small giggle took you away from your anger and you immediately looked at your feet. One of his hands went to rest against your jaw - your hand going to lean into its warmth. “I don’t want to rush you. You take your time,” he sighed, “but I’ll wait for you. I’ve been waiting since I was eleven. I’d wait for a thousand lifetimes.” 

Your heart felt like it was beating wildly; growing in size. The distance between his face and yours soon became noticeable. You knew he said he’d wait…but you wanted to spend every moment until your last with him. The hesitance that you once felt succumbed to the warmth behind his words, the sincerity in his eyes. “I adore you.” You smiled, before closing the distance. 

When Beomgyu told his parents of the first kiss you two shared, he omitted the fight. 

“Wait, Yeonjun’s back?” Your boyfriend double-takes, making you follow his line of sight. Indeed, Yeonjun was there; truly looking like he’s from the city now. His previous discontent for spending time with the festival’s patrons could no longer be found. He seemed to be in his element; a glass of mead in his hand as he spoke to an elderly couple like they were….well, like they were you. 

Part of you was certain that he’d return. In that respect, you hoped you’d be among the first to know; that he’d come by, freshly off the carriage, and knock on your door. He probably has bigger worries, you resigned as you thought of all he must be up to in university. You wonder if he’s eaten today or if he found people he felt at home with. Maybe he even forgot about us. 

Of course, you weren’t surprised by his new affinity for people. From what you’ve heard from your parents, he’s in the top of his classes -  being called a ‘legendary student’, even the ‘it boy’. It was evident in how Mayor Choi would tell you updates as you would deliver his items; he never seemed as proud as he was now. 

Although at a distance, the city boy in him shone. He has built more muscle during his time away, and his usual colourful wardrobe has become darker. It’s what you’d imagine his father would wear if he was younger. Nevertheless, he looked fashionable. Yeonjun’s hair was now shorter; the bangs had a centre parting. You swear you could also see dangling earrings. He looks great. More confident. 

“Wow…” Beomgyu appeared to also be in awe of the change in front of him. “Do you think that’d suit me too?” He turned back to look at you again, his fingers pinching at his ear lobe. 

You smiled, imagining Beomgyu with piercings and immediately mentally fawned over the sight. “You’d look so good.” If you were still close, you were certain that Beomgyu would’ve followed Yeonjun and gotten the same piercings - maybe even more. Kai and Tae would be reluctant, but Taehyun would eventually get some. Soobin too. 

“Would you adore me more?” he teased, dragging you out of the fantasy. 

Falling forward, you let your forehead rest against his - interlocking your fingers. “I adore you too much already.” 

“That’s good,” Beomgyu smirked, “but I adore you more than you could ever adore me.” You rolled your eyes. Cheesy. If past-you saw yourself now, you were certain you’d cringe. “I’d burn the town down for you.” Groaning, you pulled away again - slapping Beomgyu’s shoulder. 

“You’re too extreme!” You laughed, making him chuckle as well. He looked at you with so much adoration; there was no doubt about that. Even as he fiddled with your fingers, his eyes gleamed as he looked at you and laughed. 

You were ignorant to the pair of eyes locked in on you two.

Within the crowds of people, you saw a blur of two people running around; chasing each other, laughing. The laughter was so familiar, you can identify it in seconds. It’s the same laugh that brought home to you when you felt mountains away. 

Soobin. 

Truly, it was a war against yourself. You didn’t want to look up, you didn’t want to be reminded of him - but it was an impossible feat. Yet his smile and happiness was so enchanting; you wanted to look. Even if it wasn’t you who was making him feel that way. 

After a month or two from the fight, you quickly noticed that Soobin had replaced you. The first time you noticed this was during one of your delivery runs; you entered the bakery and instead of Mrs. Choi, you saw another girl. When you first laid eyes on her, you found her stunning.

“Hi, hello…” you greeted softly, unsure if she was working at the bakery. Since Beomgyu has expressed disappointment in you spending time with Soobin, your visits to the bakery were rushed or planned to coincide for when Soobin was not there. “Is Mrs. Choi here?” 

The girl smiled gleefully; a smile that was so contagious you wanted to smile back. “Oh, no! She’s not, but I’m here. What is this?” It was clear this girl was new to town; not only from the fact you’ve never seen her before, but also the fact she didn’t know you were the milk deliverer. You quite literally go to everyone’s house. 

“Uh, it’s milk.” You lifted the crate in your hands up, “I come by every week with dairy products.” She continued to smile, despite your awkward disposition. 

She nodded and wiped her hands down on the apron. “Oh! Yes, sorry. Mrs. Choi told me to expect you.” The girl who stole your breath away stuck her arm out to you, “My name is Arin. I moved to Hybehead last week.”

You nodded, lifting your leg up to support the crate as your hand went to shake hers. “Y/N. Welcome around! How are you finding everything?” 

Arin let out a sigh of relief. “I’m just so blessed for Soobin. Do you know him?” 

How do I answer that? You know his obsession with bread and how he’d wink before biting his tongue when he wanted to act cute. You know how he chews in a permanent pout and how he shivers with his whole body when he eats something he dislikes. You remember how when he thinks, he rests his cheek into his palm; letting his cheeks bunch up. You remember how soft his cheeks were, and how comforting his presence was. You -

You looked up and Arin was waiting for your answer…and for the products. Placing the crate onto the counter, you copied her action from earlier and rubbed your hands on your long skirt. “Oh, uh, yeah.” You didn’t want to elaborate. 

“He’s really a saving grace, you know.” Arin spoke about him dreamily. “He immediately started to show me around and he showed me this beautiful spot in the forest and-” Whatever she said next was filtered out. The forest? Your spot? 

The air suddenly felt heavier. As you breath, it felt like you were swallowing oatmeal. “Oh, I have to go. It’s really lovely meeting you, Arin.”

At your sudden interruption, she looked confused; but the ever present gracious smile remained. She waved goodbye and thanked you. 

And you had to wonder if you ever mattered there.

From general gossip around town, you learnt Arin is a younger friend of Soobin’s older sister back from her days at university in the city. Specifically, Arin is the younger sister of her best friend. She came to Hybehead due to an invitation and ever since, stayed at the inn near the bakery for a little while. It was now common to see Soobin with her around town. 

Sitting with Beomgyu, your eyes were trained on Soobin and Arin. In the last year, Soobin had a humongous growth spurt - something that made him stand out as he wandered around the school halls (however, the same can be said about all of them; they all became giants). From afar, you could see Soobin’s hand graze Arin’s elbow gently, bringing it downwards. You couldn’t help but remember a few years back. 

 “Ready?” Soobin asked, his hand resting on your hip as you loaded the bow. 

“I’m not sure.” After a few hours of training now, Soobin was confident you could hit an apple from 20 metres away. 

He leaned forward from behind you, popping his head over your shoulder to make eye contact. You turned your head and he was millimetres away, but his eyes remained focused on yours. His grin was contagious, making you smile back at him - despite the fear of hitting a wandering animal overtaking you. “I believe in you.” 

The two of you stayed like that for a second; embracing the comfortable silence. 

“Take your stance.” Soobin instructed, coughing as he pulled away from his position. The hand that was previously on your waist was now checking your elbow, while his other hand wrapped around your hand that was gripping onto the bow for dear life. “See, already perfect.” His breath hit the back of your neck. “Now shoot!” 

And you did. 

Bullseye.

Well…ish. Obviously, a few hours wouldn’t have prepared you enough for this small target - but you chipped a significant portion of the apple off. 

“You did it!” Soobin exclaimed as the both of you jumped, his arms wrapping around your waist to spin you in circles as you laughed.

The memory felt like ages ago. It was from the time before Ki-Hoon entered your life. The ghost of Soobin’s memory disappeared; the invisible weight resting on your hand like it did that day. Your eyes lingered, and part of you felt guilty as Beomgyu continued to rant about something he saw earlier. Normally, you’d be so invested in his story; but you can’t stop staring at Soobin. 

It seemed like he could feel it. 

He looked up and caught your eye.

And then he looked away. 

No wave or nod; no acknowledgement of existence. 

If you weren’t you, you would’ve thought he merely locked eyes with a stranger. 

“Let’s go?” You tore your eyes away from his fleeing frame and saw your gorgeous boyfriend in front of you. He was staring up at the lanterns in the trees. Pressing your lips against his, the electric feeling awoke you from within.

Beomgyu’s doe eyes made their appearance, “Where?” 

“Our spot.” Flashes of the past slapped you in the face; the unwanted memories that once suffocated you pushed aside. It’s just me and Beomgyu now, you thought, until the end of the world. 

When Soobin made eye contact with you, it felt like the archery game was using his heart as the target. He wanted nothing more than to go over to you and talk about life, or invite you back to the bakery. Seeing you in love without him hurt him more than he could describe. Yet, Beomgyu seemed to be treating you well now. He saw how Beomgyu would pick you up after school or how from outside the bakery window, he’d occasionally see you two share kisses. 

“What are you looking at?” Arin sang, skipping back to Soobin who had stopped in his tracks. With a reply of a shrug, Arin already knew the answer. “Ah, I see.” In the last year of knowing Soobin, Arin had seen him as a blessing. In Arin’s heart, she wanted to do anything to alleviate Soobin’s pain for all that he’s done for her. Yet, she had no clue how. 

When she first came to Hybehead with the recommendation from Soobin’s sister, it was due to an incident that happened in their town. Specifically, a few days before her unplanned departure, the man who appeared to be in charge of the city’s rumour mill, caught her with her lover. While Bae Yoo-bin wasn’t identified herself (both of them were grateful for the fact he only saw the back of her head), everyone soon learnt of Arin’s ‘perverse’ preferences. To stop being harassed on the streets, Soobin’s sister recommended Hybehead as her escape; an understanding and quaint town. 

For the first few months, Soobin had watched Arin receive love letters with such excitement. It was a routine; Soobin would collect the mail for the bakery in the early morning as Arin slipped on her apron, ready for the day. He’d hand her the note and watch her tear open the envelope, giddy as she read the words in the letter.

“What’d she say this time?” Soobin inquired, leaning over the counter as Arin now prepares the tables for those eating their baked goods inside. 

“She said she’d come to visit next month.” Anyone can tell how elated Arin was from how her face brightened up the room. Every single customer even asked if there was a special day coming up. She would always answer; “more special than I could say.” 

That visit never happened. A day before her expected arrival, Arin received an invitation from the Bae family accompanied with a private letter from Binnie. I have been arranged to marry, the note said. I wish it were you at the end of the aisle. 

Soobin was there for Arin as she broke down in tears. He provided the comfort Arin swore she could never feel again. To Arin, Soobin saved her life. His family provided her a room to stay now that Soobin’s sister married herself to make sure she wouldn’t be alone. It was Soobin who’d hear her ramble at night, talking and reminiscing - sometimes imagining about the future- of the lover she had lost. 

Needless to say, Arin could relate to Soobin’s predicament - at least a little bit. Being forced to watch the one you love with another can bring upon the most misery; and misery loves company. 

“You’ll find someone else, Soobs.” 

Soobin shook his head. “It’s not just that…” His eyes returned to where he saw you and Beomgyu - but saw the seat empty now. He searched the crowd for you now, his hand went to play with the woven bracelet gifted to him a year ago. “I miss her and everyone and all of them. It’s not even that I want to be the one she thinks of all the time, it’s more that I want to hold her hand again - even just as friends.”

The older girl did a single curt nod, now focusing her vision on the ground. “And you’re scared?” 

Arin didn’t see my bruises, he remembered. He had a few bruises from Beomgyu’s sheer force. “I’m scared that I’ll mess things up again.” Ever since the fight, Soobin had retreated from friendships at school. It was a blessing when Arin came to Hybehead. She became his closest and only friend. When he’d be feeling lonely, Arin was always there to spend time with him. 

It’d be lying to say that Soobin has had a peaceful night of sleep since the fight. At night, questions of what if haunts his sleep. What if I had told you before Beomgyu did? What if I confessed? What if he never went in for a hug? Would you all still be friends? What if I never had feelings for Y/N? 

It doesn’t matter for much longer. Soobin will be graduating this year. He had decided to pursue culinary  business studies in Beliftham. It’ll be lonely being without Arin around, but he plans to just leave early in the morning and arrive home by the evening. Spending his days away from Hybehead ensures he won’t run into the two of you. 

He understands that Beomgyu was graduating the next year, but he was fairly certain that Beomgyu and you’d study at the local university and move in together. Thanks to his parents, he hears almost daily updates about all of you. He knows Taehyun has now progressed to be a leader of the Hye-Ji society and is projected to graduate at the top of his class. Kai, supposedly, has specifically excelled in learning other languages and is supposed to go on a trip during school break with the Mayor to help him translate. And when it comes to you and Beomgyu, he tunes out. His last update was that you two were looking for a small cottage to live in already.  

“I was a coward, right?” Arin could barely hear Soobin’s voice. “I made a mistake. That kid was right.” 

“What kid?” she immediately jumped in, as if the kid posed an immediate threat. Soobin waved it off. Afterall, it was last year and he was speaking the truth. “What kid?” Arin’s voice got harsher, as if she was going to kill someone right then and there. 

He decided to summarise what Ki-hoon had said. After all, these are the words that curse his every action. It’s the reason he’s too much of a coward to talk to his friends, to talk to Kai and Taehyun, to talk to you, to try and confront Beomgyu again. “Just a kid who said I’m not good enou-” 

Arin interrupted him. “No, never believe that. Never.” A light slap went to his wrist, “Soobin, you’re literally like a fallen angel. You are one of the best people I’ve ever met. I bet your friends can say the same.”

Then why am I not enough? Soobin wanted to ask, but instead he remained silent. In an attempt to change the discussion, he looked around for another activity for the two of them to do. Doing so, he spotted you and Beomgyu heading in the direction of the forest. 

“Let’s go sit down for a bit,” Soobin proposed, using a smile as a disguise. 

Four years later.

Returning to Hybehead at this time of year felt odd, Yeonjun had decided. A town that was so usually full of life suddenly felt cold and empty. Maybe it’s because of the time, Yeonjun had accidentally left three hours later than he was planning to. Consequently, once he arrived in Hybehead for the first time in four years, the first thing that greeted him was the comforting night sky. 

His lack of return over the last three years was a result of spotting the five of his friends dispersed in the crowd during his last Harvest Festival, still avoiding each other like the day he left. 

(Admittedly, it was considered blasphemous that he didn’t attend the next three Harvest Festivals - but when nothing happened to the crops, they decided only those relatives living in town are needed in attendance). 

It transported him back to it all. He distracted himself by networking and connecting with the older locals, doing everything he once hated but now loved - but the image of his family still broken up by a dumb boy destroyed his vision of home. Remembering the pain and anguish, he decided that he wouldn't come home until he finished college and was mentally healed. 

While he completed his course, he wasn’t certain about his last criteria.

In front of him was his new home; a small one bedroom cottage on the border of the town. It was a gift from his father; ‘an investment’. To Yeonjun, however, it was a sign of trust and a new life. Maybe now, I can finally fulfil my father’s footsteps, he hoped, at least to some degree. 

Jumping off the carriage, taking out his final crate, he thanked the rider and paid him his dues. Wiping his hands on his pants, he appreciated his new home. His father was supposed to welcome him in, but Yeonjun did mess up on his departure time and his father had to go into Beliftham early the next day. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Immediately, he envisioned another life;

“I can’t believe you have that many boxes.” Taehyun would say, stifling his laugh as he unpacked his own room in their five-bedroom cottage. 

You would go around the corner, Beomgyu following close behind as you two found the entrance to your room. “What else were you expecting?” 

Kai would be in the other room, already having completed unpacking and now posing hypothetical situations to the group - keeping them entertained. “What if we had superpowers?” 

Soobin would scoff, tossing his final box to the side before walking to Kai’s room. “Been there, done that.” 

Beomgyu would playfully imitate Soobin’s serious voice, before immediately turning the attention back to Yeonjun. “Hey Kai! You should really use super strength to help the elderly!”

He remembers the last time he’s heard updates on all of you guys. Kai and Taehyun had finished school last week, both of them a whole semester early so they eagerly await the official graduation ceremony later this year. Soobin is in his last year of university, although he still resides in Hybehead. Meanwhile, you and Beomgyu are living with each other and attending the local school. Maybe I can reach out, he decided, we can all talk again. He dreamt of better days with you all; a dream that seems to have been mocking him for when he was at university. 

Opening the door - a portable candle in his hand, he spotted a few gifts by the front door. At the sight of them, he knew whose each was from. From his parents, bottles of soju. Soobin’s parents obviously provided the loaves of bread while yours gave a basket of fruits and vegetables. A woven blanket was gifted by Kai’s parents, while Taehyun’s parents left a series of books about the best leaders in history with a note saying ‘you’ll be in one of these soon enough’. On top of it all, Beomgyu’s parents left a large medal with a note from his parents engraved into it. 

While their children may have fallen apart, the parents remain united by a core similarity; their love for the six of you. To them, from all the time you spent together growing up, they saw everyone as one of their own. 

He looked around and smiled. This will be my home. These halls were made for new memories, a new life. Each wall was empty, reminding him of all the new things he could put up. Maybe I can start by putting up my diploma, he smiled. For the future, he hopes the walls will be covered like his childhood home; photos of family and loved ones, his future childrens’ drawings, and paintings of his accomplishments scattered until there’s barely any wall space. 

But that’s for tomorrow morning. Far too tired from his day-trip, all he wanted to do was lie down on his bed - one that he knew he already had from his father’s letter. Trudging forward, he admittedly got confused between the bathroom door and the bedroom; but once he saw his bed, he didn’t even strip down to change into pyjamas - he fell stomach first onto the bed (after putting the candle on the bedside table, of course). If his mother saw him do that, she’d be very disappointed; bringing all the dirt from outside to his place of sleep, but he could wash it tomorrow. 

Turning around to lie down on his back, he blew out the candle and let himself succumb to the sleep inducing darkness. The soft thumps of rain hitting the window accompanied by the melody of crickets was the only sounds he could -

Wait. 

Why was he hearing footsteps? 

Pit-pat, pit-pat. 

Yeonjun jumped up, desperately trying to reach for a match for his candle. I didn’t unpack. When he turned to face the source of the sound, he didn’t even need the light. The full moon from the window illuminated the back of the presence. 

With its haunting blue and green eyes, Yeonjun’s heart stopped. The cat left years ago. It makes no sense for him to be in there. The door was closed, nothing was open. He sat in silence, just staring at the cat who watched him back; sitting on the window sill as its tail sinisterly went back and forth, casting shadows around his room. 

“How…did you get in here?” he asked, knowing full well the cat couldn’t answer. 

Yet it did. 

The cat responded with a hiss, before jumping out the window. 

And for some reason, Yeonjun felt compelled to follow it.

“Did you realise…” you started, trailing off as you stared at the full moon illuminating your room from your bed. The full moon today felt especially hypnotising, as if there was a message that would appear the longer you stare at it. 

“What?” Beomgyu sat down next to you on the bed, pulling your back into his chest - anchoring you back to the present. “What’s on your mind?” His voice was heavy with exhaustion, a consequence of spending the whole day working alongside his father. Nevertheless, the kisses he pressed against your shoulder were light and feathery, as if you were fragile and about to break. It greatly contrasted from the calluses on his hand that rested on your shoulders, rough to the touch from all the hours he spends at the shop. 

You closed your eyes, relishing in his kisses. “It’s been six years since that night.” Reaching up, your hand went to grasp and fidget with your necklace. Your friend group may have broken the promise of forever, but you would never break this one. You were certain all of you wouldn’t. 

Mrs. Ho still hasn’t cracked the code to get the design out in her store. She was an intelligent woman, but as she told you one day; ‘I cannot make magic’. Her comment made you remember the conversation after that night. 

 “This has to be a coincidence,” Taehyun swore. 

“Bro-” Kai was gobsmacked, “we woke up with literal fantasy novel stuff, how else can you explain it? It has to be magic.” At the mention of magic, Yeonjun started to chuckle. “No, seriously though. Soobin, Taehyun - you also have older siblings, did they experience this?”

“Maybe it’s a delusion.” Taehyun simply shrugged. “Maybe we all imagined it.” 

Soobin, playing advocate for Kai, jumped in. “But our parents also saw it, like, they couldn’t have been deluded.” 

Beomgyu cut in, “Let’s listen to Kai and Soobin, they might be onto something.” You looked at Beomgyu, whose eyes had a glint to them. He has since confirmed that he was just entertaining the idea, although he doesn’t believe it - he isn’t opposed to them. 

“I mean,” Soobin shyly glanced around, “I don’t believe it, but hey - maybe.” He was stuttering, tripping over his words. “We have faced a lot of impossible things in the span of 24 hours so maybe magic could be real.” 

Kai took over once more, “All I’m saying is this cannot be explained by science, so something has to have done it.” 

“Let’s just say,” Yeonjun said, “it’s something weird and unexplainable.” He looked around at everyone - not wanting to start an argument or get too into the discussion. “We finally got rid of it, so let’s forget about it.” 

You had to stop yourself from chuckling.

(“It’s not magic,” you then told her. “Someone in another town did this, and I know for sure that they aren’t the best jeweller the world has ever seen.” Mrs. Ho raised a sceptical brow. “I know that because the best jeweller is here, right in front of me.”) 

Your boyfriend’s feathery kisses continued, although more spaced out as he spoke up. “Wow.” It was obvious he wasn’t as affected by that fact as you. Six years have gone by so fast. 

Staying in silence, you turned your head. Beomgyu responded to your movement by scooting backwards, giving you space to turn and face him. Once you did, you looked up at Beomgyu’s heavy eyelids and chuckled. “Let’s go to sleep, bear.” 

Eventually, you found yourself asleep - tucked under his arm. Unfortunately, Beomgyu now remains awake. 

The exhaustion that plagued his movements earlier now dissipated into the wind.

Your head was resting against his chest, moving up and down with his unsteady breath. That was the only thing keeping him calm; the fact you were there. You were in his arms, fast asleep, safe and sound. 

Something in the atmosphere felt heavy as if it had just finished raining, yet the dark clouds remained. While he managed to suppress how he was feeling earlier, the fact it has been six years since the event actually struck him quite deep. In all honesty, he wasn’t even sure why he hid the deep coil rumbling in his stomach. Alert, he had a feeling something was going to go wrong today. He felt it in his gut. 

His arms quickly went to tighten around your shoulders, encouraging you to unconsciously nuzzle into his chest more. You’re here, he reminded himself, and you’re not going to go anywhere tonight. 

For the last few weeks, Beomgyu has been working more closely with his father - especially as he decided to omit from partaking in full-time studies since he already has a secure job position. In this, he’s been hearing a lot of his father’s conversations. 

“I always thought it’d be all of them together.” Mr. Choi had commented. Soobin, Beomgyu, and your fathers stood away from the bench where Beomgyu was currently occupied. Unknowingly to them, they’re still quite in ear shot. “I can’t believe you were right though. I was certain it’d be Soobin and Y/N.” 

Beomgyu’s jaw clenched. You said he was insane for thinking Soobin had a crush on you. Were you lying to him? Did you enjoy having Soobin’s affection? 

Continuing to work on the new sword, he focused on the sparks flying from the metal rather than the anger sparking from within. “Soobin was quite in love with her, huh?” 

Mr. Choi chuckled, “Completely. I still think he loves her today.” Beomgyu tried to push himself away from their conversation, remembering what you’d always tell him. 

Variations of ‘I chose you’, ‘you won’t lose me’, ‘I’ll give you my everything’ - everything you ever told him was no longer enough. For the last week, it feels like everything he does is wrong or not enough for you. 

You were this beautiful woman. Why did you choose him? Excelling in healing, you could go anywhere and be with anyone. What did he do to deserve you, other than grow up with you? The answers you gave him, well…Beomgyu can’t help but wonder if it can be applied to Soobin as well. 

Beomgyu’s father laughed, “Why do you say that?” 

“I swear I see Soobin watching out for deliveries or waiting for someone to show up.” 

Your father chipped in, “I didn’t realise my daughter was such a heartbreaker.” 

Will you break his heart? What would he do without you by his side? 

Since he overheard that conversation, his thoughts have been more intrusive and invasive by day. When he sees you smile, he wonders who else could make you smile like that. Could Soobin make you smile wider?

 Admittedly, he’s trying to be more than enough for you; making food for when you come home, cleaning the house up, buying you a series of flowers everyday (leading to the pansies currently in the vase downstairs) but nothing he does ever feels enough. Soobin would do more. 

It’s no one’s fault but his own; his own insecurities eating up at him despite your constant and unwavering love for him. 

With the reminder that it's been six years, he remembers how it was Soobin who had held your hand. It was Soobin who you spent so many afternoons with, just the two of you. Part of him knew he couldn’t be too angry; you two weren’t dating yet, and the only person who knew of Beomgyu’s feelings was Kai. Yet that part was easily silenced by the fact that you and Soobin, despite you and Beomgyu dating, spent so much time together before the fight. From after school bakery shifts to consistently having lunch periods synced up, was it the universe telling Beomgyu it should be you and Soobin? Or was Soobin betraying him? 

Beomgyu startled forwards, sitting and heaving with anxiety. Frequently, Beomgyu would turn to you in times like this and you’d say the same reassurances that would make his heart flutter. But he couldn’t wake you up. He had a feeling Soobin wouldn’t out of respect for you, so why would he? 

He reluctantly removed his arms from around you. As much as he wanted nothing more than to have you in his arms until the world was ablaze, he needed to calm down. Tossing on a random jacket, he went downstairs to get a breath of fresh air. He didn’t want to risk you being annoyed or frustrated with his neediness (as if that could happen), so he was willing to face the brave night time wind. 

Instead, as soon as he opened his front door, he spotted a figure only a few feet away. Staring at the door, it appeared to be waiting for him. 

“What are you doing here?” Beomgyu cooed, wondering if the black cat in front of him was in need of food or water. “Do you need anything?” 

Of course, the cat didn’t respond. To be honest, the only features that Beomgyu could identify in the dark of the night was the black tail that wrapped around the empty air, and its mixed-colored eyes.  Wait…how common are these mixed-colored eyes? This couldn’t possibly be the same cat as from high school. 

Searching his brain for some facts that Taehyun must’ve given him about the prevalence of heterochromia, especially when Ki-Hoo…no, Beomgyu came out here to stop thinking about this all. He’d rather live in blissful ignorance than rehash out those experiences. 

Yet the two eyes that bore into Beomgyu’s suddenly disappeared, and the only proof a cat was there was the trail of paw prints that was slowly appearing in front of him. 

Beomgyu really wanted to go back to you, give you kisses, and fall asleep surrounding you. He wanted to wake up in the morning to your face, to your voice, to your giggles - heck, even to your complaints about waking up. 

Yet the footprints appeared to be calling for him. He didn’t know what he was doing or where he was going, it felt like his body was moving automatically - like a puppet being controlled by a ventriloquist. 

All he knew was that he was heading in the direction of the forest, following the paw prints that quickly vanished in the wind. 

Beomgyu. 

An ethereal voice seemed to fly through the wind, swirling around you - jostling you awake. Trembling and shivering an unusual amount, you felt cold to the bone. It must be the wind, you decided - your eyes landing on the culprit; your open window. 

It was odd though; it was never this cold. 

Closing your eyes, you reach your arm out to try and nuzzle your head into Beomgyu’s che- wait. 

As your hand touched the side of his bed, your fingers felt like ice. Meeting an empty side of the bed, your eyes went wide open. Almost as if it was magic, the moonlight took up Beomgyu’s absence. “Beomgyu?” Still heavy with sleep, you called for Beomgyu. “Beomgyu!” You threw your blanket off, your volume increasing as you woke up.

The wind whispers into your ear, ‘the forest’. You must be delusional. I’m tired, you reasoned, that’s why I’m hearing things. Beomgyu probably just got something to eat. Wandering around your small two-storey cottage, you looked everywhere for Beomgyu. Peeking in and out of every one of your few rooms, you have yet to find your boyfriend. 

It was when you saw his shoes, that are usually right next to yours, missing that you had admitted Beomgyu’s gone. Where could he be? He must be outside, getting a breath of air. Right? Beomgyu is an intelligent person; he wouldn’t have started exploring at night…right?

“The forest,” the wind whispers around as the moonlight seems to focus on a path in front of you, “go to the forest.” You don’t know what made you listen; the forest? At this time of night? However, the voice urged you forward - why else would you be thinking of the forest? 

Slipping on your own shoes and a jacket, you started to rush into the cold night. Even with the harsh winds, your worry for Beomgyu warmed you from the core. You knew the route to the forest like the back of the hand, however, you were unsure if this knowledge made the path more obvious or if the moon seemed to be lighting your way. 

Why didn’t Beomgyu wake me up? You thought as you navigate your way through the trees, blindly following the path in front of you. Over the last few weeks, Beomgyu had been waking up at night - sitting and staring straight out the window as if awoken by something just outside. He’d always dismiss it - ‘just a nightmare’ - but you always woke up and brought him back to bed. If a nightmare spooked him, why didn’t he wake you up? You would rather him do that than go into the forest alone at night. 

The leaves bristled from the wind, now finally alerting you of the shiver that is crawling up and down your spine. You pulled your jacket closer to your chest as you looked for any clue of Beomgyu in the dark night. 

“Y/N?” A voice broke through the darkness. You turned around. 

“Soobin?” Admittedly, you’ve seen Soobin around yet every time you laid eyes on him, you cannot deny that growing up did him well. “Taehyun?” Taehyun, instead of being the scrawny sixteen year old, is now eighteen - just graduated school. He had more muscles than you would’ve predicted him to get now. “Kai?” At the mention of his name, the now ginormous boy came over to you - wrapping his arms around you tightly. 

Finally calming down, your heart began to beat at its regular pace. “What are you doing here?” Kai asked, glancing around as if someone was listening. 

“I think Beomgyu came out here.” Soobin visibly tensed at the name of someone who used to be his best friend. 

Taehyun shook his head, “Something feels weird…like, not right.” Kai finally released you from his grasp, and the concern washed over the four of you. 

You were in front of a basically uninhabited forest. Around midnight. 

Sure, you camped here before - but you were prepared then. You had the materials and you had planned to be there at that time. 

The next gust of wind caused a branch to hit the ground. 

Everyone jumped. 

You found yourself clutching onto Soobin and Kai’s arms, as if it was like old times. Behind Soobin, Taehyun had accompanied you - also holding onto Soobin like a shield. 

After a second, the contact with Soobin burned your skin. Pulling apart, you glanced at the three boys before your eyes fixated on Soobin. “Why are you guys here?” 

Soobin didn’t answer, refusing to look you in the eye. Instead, Taehyun spoke up. “We all heard something. We bumped into each other on the way here.” 

“Come in,” a voice waltzed through the wind, waltzing into your thoughts. 

You looked back at the boys. “Did you hear that too?” They didn’t need to speak for them to confirm that they indeed did. It was their pale faces, a stricken expression that gave it all away. Even amongst the bustling of the trees and the crickets staking their claim, you could hear their teeth chattering. 

“They need you,” the voice sounded like liquidised silver; ethereal and heavenly as if not from this earth. “Come into the forest.” Whose they? Is it not just Beomgyu?

No one dared to move - no one even flinched. The air felt heavy, as if someone was pressing down on the atmosphere surrounding you - as if someone was taking the air out of your lungs. 

What felt like minutes passed, and Kai finally took a step forward. “I think they need us.” 

Wordlessly, Taehyun followed. Soobin started to take a step forward, but glanced backwards and saw you hesitate. Just like he used to, he held his arm out for you to take and it didn’t take you long to accept his support. 

It’s fine, you thought, Beomgyu is going to be fine. Instinctively, you walked faster - trying to be closer to Soobin. Despite the years apart, he still brought you the same amount of comfort as before. If Beomgyu wasn’t fine, I’d feel it - you were certain of it. 

The trek through the forest filled you with dread as you tried to fill yourself with hope, the silence only reminding you of the severity of the situation. You looked at the night sky - no stars in sight, and you were grateful that Soobin held onto your hand like his life depended on it.

The light broke through the darkness and among the still trees, your eyes landed upon Beomgyu. He wasn’t alone. At a closer glance, you recognized the person beside him to be Yeonjun. The two of them appeared to be frozen, standing at the edge of the clearing and staring as if they were hypnotised to whatever was in front of them. 

They didn’t even acknowledge the four of you when you approached, standing in line to see what they were seeing. Beomgyu didn’t even interlock his fingers with yours as you grabbed his hand. He didn’t even hold your hand back. 

In the midst of it all was a man. Right in the centre, the gusts of wind that seemed to leave the trees untouched circled him. His shadows seemed to suffocate his actual figure; bigger than what could ever be expected from the moon above him. 

“Finally.” He was curt. “You all came.” His voice seemed to surround you; echoing off the trees, travelling into town, and all the way back until it entered your ears and resonated throughout your brain. “Welcome to the new day.” 

Taehyun was the first to notice the eyes of the man in front of you. “Are you…” It couldn’t be…he’s too old. Why would he come back anyway? But it was like Taehyun knew something that all your eyes deceived you. “Ki-Hoon?”

A short, yet cocky snort followed, and suddenly he was walking towards you. Yet, he seemed stuck in his little barrier - as if restrained. So, he remained walking in small circles. His every footstep seemed to be a float or a glide in the air. “I guess you could say that.”  

At the vague confirmation, Soobin shivered. Beomgyu’s eyes narrowed. Yeonjun glared. Kai appeared lost. Taehyun stared in wonder. 

“I guess I go by many names.” He started to approach Taehyun now, “Ki-young, Ki-Chul, Ki-Hoon - but you can call me Ki.” If this Ki guy was noticing your odd glances at each other, he didn’t dare comment on it.

He couldn’t be. Ki-young was a man of legend, Ki-Chul was quite literally the reason for the dark ages. Ki-hoon, well, he was your age - and this man would be no less than 30 years old. 

“But, I guess I also go by a lot of faces,” he continued, now gliding over back to your end of the line. “A cat, a child, a man - but most importantly, I am a protector.” He locked his eyes with you. “A deity.” 

While four of the six of you were glancing back at each other as if ensuring you were all confused by this nonsense, Taehyun was trying to remember where he recognized him from - a store? Beliftham? A dream? 

On the other hand, Yeonjun was deeply unsettled. Something about him screamed at Yeonjun - something about him needing to run away, to hide - to disappear. It was unsettling, a shiver running up and down his skin as if spiders were crawling underneath. 

Ki smiled, the moonlight adding a sinister light. “The deity of chaos and order. I am what keeps the world in balance, I am what causes change, I am the power that the world needs.” He now stood in place, dead centre, yet the light that once was blinding now started to dim as shadows swallowed Ki. “I am the most powerful being in the universe now. The deities before had abandoned the humans, left them behind to fend for themselves.” His voice seemed to be distorted, more and more as he spoke. Deeper and louder, booming as if they were the same source as your own thoughts - he seemed to possess you. 

“I am fed by the belief of others, by disruption, by chaos, by change.” Dark mist started to appear, surrounding his feet. “I am the most powerful and infinite being in this world.” His eyes locked on Soobin. And then you. And then Beomgyu. And then all the way to Yeonjun. “And you all have the potential to be the same.” 

Yeonjun scoffed, unable to hide it. Taehyun, however, struggled to contain his laughter. While he may have previously ignored the strange looks shared between you all, Ki definitely didn’t appreciate the scoff. 

Easily angered, Ki continued. “The world has gone on too long without their deities, and look at it…Look at you.” His voice echoed throughout your brain. “You’re all so weak. The world is so weak! All because everyone stopped believing. There is an infinite amount of magic just at your fingertips.” 

Beomgyu jumped in, cynically. “How do you have powers if people stopped believing?” 

Taehyun also took advantage of Ki’s pause. “Magic doesn’t exist. What are you on about?”

Ignoring Beomgyu’s comment, Ki answered in his own way. In a flash of light, the man in front of you became the same boy that haunted your final years of school. Just like he was back then, he didn’t age a day. Was this all a trick of light? 

“Look at you all…” Ki-hoon…or Ki, or whoever he was…now escaped his little barrier - circling the six of you. “The six of you are among the most powerful in the world,” his eyes landed on Yeonjun, “especially you.” As he approached the eldest, Yeonjun physically tensed. 

Me? 

“Such a shame I have to call you my nephew.” Another flash of light and instead of Ki-Hoon, there was a black cat - one blue eye, one green. The same stray as before. The silence screamed. All you could hear was the paws of whatever was in front of you, digging into the wet mud, and returning to the spot in the centre of the clearing. 

When Yeonjun could finally trust his own voice, he spoke up. “Who even are you? What do you want from us?” 

Ki returned back to his previous form, however the dark mist rose from his feet to surround him as if a new layer of clothes. “I am Ki. Weren’t you listening earlier?” He cackled. “Your father was my brother.” 

“Was?” Yeonjun was quick to interject. His father is an only child. 

“Oh, Jum. Deity of Balance and Justice.” The man in front of you rolled his eyes. You can hear the venomous drip from his lips, as if mentioning the name was poisonous. “They don’t matter any more. They gave up on you, gave up on everyone.” He held his chin up high. “But you can stand in their place.” 

“Us?” Soobin asked. Each word that left your mouths were questions, completely and utterly dumbfounded by what was going on in front of you. For Kai, there was only one thought running through his mind; run. 

“I spent a lifetime looking for you all.” Ki smiled, now approaching you. His slender fingers reached out, grabbing the necklace you kept safely tucked under your shirt. “But when you took this off…you let me find you.” 

You shivered under his dark gaze and cold touch. It felt like ice. “That doesn’t answer the question. What do you even want from us?” You tried to move, but you felt frozen in place - as if the ground below you was quicksand and you couldn’t escape. As quicksand does, you try to sink into yourself - trying to take up as little space as possible as Ki breathed in your close proximity. 

“There’s a promise of a new world. One you can lead.” He watched all of you under a careful gaze as he backed up. “Humans cannot survive without us.” 

“Us?” 

He smirked. “You really don’t realise?” Glancing at Taehyun, he clicked his tongue. “I’d expect you to know already. Maybe through your dreams. Just like how I am certain you knew today would be coming.” 

And it was true. 

In his dreams, Taehyun saw flashes of the dark forest. He saw the same blue and green eyes. Interrupted with images of a sandstorm, of a cat, of Ki-hoon; he saw all of this coming in small incomprehensible flashes. 

“The son of Hye-Ji.” Ki smiled up at the sky, as if reminiscing past experiences. “The deity of knowledge and wisdom. Prided herself on foresight.” 

He glanced now at Soobin. “And you? The son of Won-Shik. Always so gentle. Of course, how else would the deity of love and family be?” 

Kai was his next target. “Oh and you look so much like your mother. Aera.” He approached Kai now, reaching forwards - his hand resting on Kai’s cheek in mock understanding. “Deity of youth, freedom, and luck. I can give you all the freedom you want. In this new world we’ll create together.” 

He turned to stare at you now, approaching slowly. “Kwang’s daughter.” Shaking his head slowly, he now stood in front of you. The dark mist that followed him was haunting him, following his every move. “The deity of humanity, of nature. A healer. It wasn’t a surprise to see you following in his footsteps.” 

And when his eyes landed on Beomgyu, it looked like he hit the jackpot. “And for our new world, for this world we can lead - you are essential.” Beomgyu’s eyes went from his feet to the man in front of him, staring straight into Ki’s mischievous eyes. “Your mother? Gi? She had the power to create and destroy anything, even different worlds.” 

“What do you mean destroy worlds?” Yeonjun jumped in. “What exactly do we have to do for this new world of yours?” 

Ki chuckled darkly. “We have to destroy this world first.” 

Silence filled the world. Even the gusts that now rustle the leaves went silent. 

It was clear he didn’t like this response. Maybe even expecting you all to burst with excitement. “I can turn you all into Gods. You could help your fellow man, you could-” 

In the corner of your eye, something flew towards Ki’s head - interrupting his monologue - and landed on the ground. A rock. No, no - not even a rock. A pebble. 

“If you were a God, why couldn’t you dodge that?” Kai defied. 

Ki rolled his eyes. “Throw another one then.” 

Kai looked taken aback, and like always, Taehyun appeared to be able to read his mind. “No, but then you’d expect it.” 

The three of them seemed to start to bicker; Kai and Taehyun versus Ki. Ki was arguing for them to let him continue speaking and he won’t know when they will throw, but Kai and Taehyun keep saying that he’s expecting it now; he’s overly cautious and-

“Enough!” Yeonjun commanded everyone, halting the bickering between the two young boys and… a thousand year old deity?  “Why should we believe you? Why should we listen? Why should we help?” 

It was clear he was becoming more and more annoyed. Ki rolled his eyes before growling. “You think I can’t give you power? I’ll show you real power.” Suddenly, the dark mist that accumulated around him seemed to build up - covering the whole forest with smog. “I’ll show you who you can be.”

As the dark mist built, the clouds above darkened - blocking out the midnight light. Lightning flashes in the distance, the world around you darkening. A rumble seemed to bellow from both the world below and the sky above. 

Suddenly, Yeonjun lunged forwards and tackled the grown man onto the ground. “Go!” he yelled, “Run home! Keep yourselves safe!” 

Your hand tightened around Beomgyu’s, squeezing and trying to nudge him to go with the others. “Go, Gyu!” you called. “I’ll get Yeonjun!” 

“Not you!” Beomgyu screamed over the increasingly louder winds that seemed to whistle into your ears. “You, you go home.” He glanced around, his eyes widening in fear. In the tornado that formed, Beomgyu’s hair was flying everywhere. “Leave with Soobin! I need you alive. I’ll help Yeonjun!” 

Before you could even protest, Beomgyu disappeared into the dark grey winds. You couldn’t hear your own voice as you called for him, the winds deafening you even from your own heartbroken wail. You wanted him to be safe. Not just outside the safety of the eye of the storm. You wanted both Beomgyu and Yeonjun to be safe. 

Yet, now…the dark mist became more compact. It seemed to make the outline of a person, rising and increasing in size every second. Amongst the whistle of the winds, you could hear Beomgyu and Yeonjun break through. 

“Leave!” they called. “We’ll find you later!” 

Later? 

If later can even be promised. 

Suddenly, the dark mist flew off of Ki’s body - launching whatever surrounded him several feet away. The wave of whatever that mist can be called…maybe energy…pushed everything back, as if another layer of gravity to fight through. 

“Leave?” Ki darkly chuckled, now floating in the air as the remnants of whatever energy he used surrounded you in clouds of dark smoke that left you all blind. He was larger now; light surrounding him. Dark black mist with what appears to be concentrated lightning flickers started to flood by your feet, as the wind made the trees sound like the ocean waves. “You want to leave?” 

You turned around, trying to find Beomgyu and Yeonjun among the clouds of smoke. Kai’s hand was still wrapped around your wrist, trying to tug you away. “They’ll make it out,” you know he’d say. But you didn’t want to risk their safety. 

“Okay. I’ll let you leave.” 

Wind started to surround you all, and the four of you immediately had to abandon your spot waiting for the other two. Instead, you now are holding onto the trees for your dear lives. 

You were the first to scream, “What’s happening?” 

“Do you really think we can fight someone with magic without magic?” Taehyun asked, his voice strained as he screamed over the hurricane. 

Through the clouds of dust, you could see Kai motioning for you to take off the necklaces.  

“Hello!” Soobin yelled. “We don’t even know how to use them!” 

Kai shrugged, “Trial and error!” 

“And error means death?!” You were genuinely in disbelief. But to be fair, you could die without trying anything at all as well. 

“How will being blind help?” Taehyun argued, snipping back as the wind became even stronger. Stress was overcoming you all. Is this the last time we’ll see each other? you thought. Will Beomgyu and Yeonjun make it out alive? How about Soobin? Or Kai and Taehyun? How much have I wanted to say that remains unsaid?

The wind became even stronger, which seemed impossible seconds ago. Leaves from the trees and soil overcome your view, being dragged around by the winds that are forcing you to plant your feet in the ground. 

You started to feel dizzy, hazy. Vision becoming unclear, your body starts to feel like it’s being drained of all its strength. Melting into the dirt, sinking into the ground - you felt yourself succumb to the land. “Now is a great time to find out!” 

And you were no longer there. 

You’re in the forest. 

Well, the forest without Ki. And your friends. 

Instead, you were alone…with a wolf. 

A snow white wolf appeared in front of you; as bright as the moon above. With its icy blue eyes and pointy teeth, you should be scared but a sense of overwhelming calmness took over instead. You can trust it. 

Thoughts that you couldn’t be certain were yours started taking over. As you crouched down and laid out your arms, letting the unknown wolf approach you on its own terms, the world around you started to change. 

The moment the snout of the wolf touched your hand, trees started sprouting from the ground. Within that instant, the magnetic blue eyes widened and started to turn away - only to turn back and motion to you to follow them. 

You didn’t know what else to do, so you did. 

You followed the wolf miles and miles as the trees around you built in an instant and immediately toppled in on themselves. You followed the wolf as if it grew up and knew the incoming labyrinth like muscle memory. 

Endless turns and small trips, you fell onto your knees - the mud adding weight to your shoes as you felt like you sunk into yourself. The white wolf, who despite the mud has remained clean, came up to you. 

“Run,” you heaved, letting the mud below you take over. 

Yet the wolf didn’t run. 

Instead, it howled at the moon. 

‘This is the end…’ you heard through the swift whispers of the wind. ‘You must not fall so easily.’ 

A single tree surrounded by a dark abyss of water. 

Taehyun was hanging onto a single branch, suspended over black liquid of an unknown depth looking like an endless pit that would swallow him whole. If he were to let go, the height of the tree alone would certainly kill him. 

Black ravens flew in circles above him, as if warning him of what's to come. Ravens mean death, Taehyun remembered and immediately felt gutted. The ravens cawed above him, echoing off each other. It was an endless loop of mockery. Let go, they taunted, you will have to let go. 

He tightened his grip on the ragged branch, ignoring the blistering and breaking of his skin. Taehyun resisted. No, he thought, I cannot let go. 

As if the world was out to get him, the tree started to shake violently like it was directly on a fault line. The birds, however, remained still. Their soulless stares seemed to send him a message; someone is going to die. 

Suddenly, the branch cracked. 

Taehyun held his breath. For a second, it felt like he was suspended in air - falling slowly into the deep dark unknown. He was helpless now. 

And without even a splash, the black water absorbed him. He was left blind, the water too dark to have any light - to allow any vision. 

‘Do not worry’, he heard a voice call out from above as he continued to sink. ‘You will have your sight.’

And as he fell through the tides of the unknown liquid, he felt himself disappear into smaller pieces; breaking away.  

Burning flooded Soobin’s senses. 

His throat felt dry while his lungs heaved. 

The world around him was ablaze, full of passionate fire. Surrounded by concrete pillars slowly burning to ash, the sky was a dark red as if the fire set the blue sky ablaze. Soobin recognized the place; it was the abandoned church. However, it looked like it was only built yesterday - despite the flames overtaking the marble columns and its ash falling like snow onto the ground. 

Tucked away in the corner, behind the debris, was a single wooden horse - rocking slowly with the wind. As Soobin observed it, a sharp pain filled his chest. 

Burning, Soobin’s necklace begged to be removed, scorching the skin underneath. Yet Soobin thought about the last time he removed it, remembering the ears that sprouted from his head. 

He couldn’t take it off. 

He promised you all. 

So instead, he took the chain and lifted it up - holding the marble inches away from his face. What used to be an opaque jewel was now see-through, revealing the flames that were on the other side. However, something caught his attention. 

A shadowed child-like figure sat on the horse - moving it back and forth. It radiated fear, loneliness.  

“Who are you?” Soobin’s rasped. “Why are you here?” 

Soobin started to move forward, sprinting; but, suddenly he crashed to the floor, debris accumulating at his feet. The sky snowed ash. Beneath him, the necklace shattered into pieces. Laughter rippled throughout the endless sky. 

‘We were never ashamed of you.’ Whispers from the ash that enveloped him in an almost warm hug. ‘You just had to figure it out yourselves first.’

Thousands of duplicates stared back at him as Kai looked through a vortex of mirrors. Trapped in a hallway, he couldn’t escape the menacing looks playing on his reflection’s face. 

The world above and beneath was pitch black. If he wasn’t standing, he would be certain that he was floating - that there was no ground here. 

Between his reflections and himself seemed to be a panel of glass. Words started to appear, random words and numbers that made no sense whatsoever seemed to be scribbled on by an invisible hand.

9.75, Dae, Kwang, Aera, Gi, Key, Liber, 5.53, Shin-geom. Words and numbers with no obvious relevance to him appeared to be written on the reflections quicker than Kai could even process. All in different texts, until he sees your names. In black writing; Huening Kai, Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu, and Kang Taehyun. In red? Yeonjun and your name. 

Suddenly, the reflection in front of him smirked. It reached forward, going through the glass as if it wasn’t there, and ripped off his necklace. The wings he had as a child appeared, almost immediately, and they were bigger than he could imagine. 

Were these wings always growing? 

His reflection ran away, and all the others did too. Compelled, Kai chased after the necklace thief - falling into the different mirrors. Running through the shattered glass, he felt no pain. The glass didn’t shatter nor cut his skin. He ran and ran, not feeling any recoil from the thousands of glasses he sprinted through. 

And then suddenly, his reflection disappeared. 

And he lost his footing.

And the ground he once swore he stood on never existed. 

‘It’ll all be clear soon’, he heard through the darkness. ‘You will make it clear.’

Sand was never something Yeonjun enjoyed. It got stuck everywhere.

Yeonjun, for sure, can contest that now. Walking up the dunes, he fought every time that his feet ducked under the sand. He fought the urge to let the sand take him over. 

Not only was the sand pulling him down, but it was blurring his vision. The harsh desert dunes were ravaged by the strong winds, lacing the granules into its path and throwing it everywhere; his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his throat. 

Guiding him throughout the maze was a pair of cat foot prints, disappearing and fading away every few seconds. The world trembled. Amongst the sound of the winds, he heard two whispers. Both with conflicting messages.

He’s unclear who the voices were talking to. Was it him or were they talking to each other? Were they warnings? Are they even real? Or is this all an illusion? 

Ki’s voice was clear. ‘This can be the beginning of our new nation’, his voice echoed.

The other voice was unfamiliar, yet so familiar at the same time. It was dainty, ethereal. As if a feather floating on the wind, it felt soft - yet there was an underlying power to it. 

‘Find the spear.’

Given that Ki led him here (and he would rather trust his darkest secret with his mother, who actively partakes in the town’s gossip, than listen to anything Ki says), Yeonjun chose to listen to the unidentified female voice instead. He couldn’t trust Ki’s voice. Never. He swore that he would never trust anything that could remotely remind him of Ki again. The argument returned; Yeonjun’s head aching as each of them yelled over each other. 

The sun was blazing and his feet ached,yet he followed the paw prints - trying to ignore the raging pain from his mind. He hoped that it was the female voice guiding him to the tool that he can only assume will be his saviour out of this place. With the wild winds, each step was a process. Every step he’d take required him to plant his feet deep into the sand, having to try and anchor himself to the ground. 

Suddenly, he found a spear stabbed into the middle of the land in front of him. At the sight, the ache and exhaustion he felt disappeared. Sprinting down the dune, he allowed himself to trip and fall over the sliding sand. Once he hit the plane, he made his way toward the weapon. 

The spear was a stunning silver; gleaming under the blaring sun. Any uncomfortable sensation of sweat that had accumulated on his back, nape, and forehead was worth it. 

‘Take the spear’, the female voice temporarily overpowered Ki’s, ‘you have the power to lead the way. You always have.’

It was when Yeonjun grabbed the spear that his mind became clear of the argument between the two entities. It was when his fingers clasped around the smooth metal that he felt power overfill him. He felt capable. It felt like everything was possible. 

A gurgling noise filled the world, shaking the ground as the sand started to rumble. If it weren’t for the spear in his grasp, Yeonjun would have been petrified. Instead, he turned to the source of the sound and lifted the spear with a surge of confidence. In the distance, he spotted a sand storm. 

However, it wasn’t a usual sand storm. Instead, in the middle of it all was a cat’s head with sharp teeth made out of sand, approaching him at an incredible speed. 

He didn’t even have enough time to process it when the spear went through, causing the sand to explode all around him. The spear fell to the ground. Though the sand filled his vision and he became blind to everything around him, he at least thought that he was out of harm’s way.

Until he felt an intense sensation across his neck and he was filled with shock.

Resounding throughout the dark cave, droplets of water dripped from the rock ceiling to the floor. The small drops piled up, creating puddles. Beomgyu must be careful not to slip. 

When he found himself here moments ago, he was lost and confused. He desperately searched for you, trying to ensure you were safe. It was when he got no response that he believed he was in the afterlife. 

And then suddenly, he heard your voice. 

Like a distant memory, your voice was faded - as if you were trying to crawl up from the depths of the cave. And like a machine, his feet ventured deeper into the cave, trying to get to you. 

He needed to get to you. 

Following through, watching out for every crack or crevice, he was at the end of the cave. It was a dead end, and you were nowhere in sight. Instead, in front of him was a closed blue box - simple with silver corners. Something about it called out to him, as if you were in that box - as if the answer to being with you and ensuring your safety was in that box.  

His fingers trembled as he reached forward and turned the key that was already in the lock. Once the box was opened, his heart stopped. 

Instead of a mirror, he saw some sort of…projection? It was like a painting made of light, yet three dimensional. If he stuck his hand out towards it, it would go right through. In this deception of light coming from the centre of the box, he saw you and Yeonjun. 

Dead. 

Surrounded by fire, the two of you were resting in flowers. 

The fear Beomgyu was feeling felt indescribable. He immediately was concerned for your safety. Is this what’s happening beyond the afterlife? Did Y/N die too? Will I see her here? How can I save her life? In his eyes, you had so much left to do - so much good left to give in the world. Yes, he’d want to spend the rest of his life with you and he wished he had more time, but he couldn’t handle it if your time was cut short too. 

What happened to you? He started thinking about what could’ve possibly occurred for you to be dead. Why didn’t the others protect you?

The image in front of him changed. Instead, this time he saw you with a ring on your wedding finger.  A ring so majestic it couldn’t have possibly been from this time. He’s seen nothing like it before. Despite the limited image, he knows it wasn’t a ring he gave you despite the bones of it looking the same. It was the same band as the one he had gifted you, so it must be the same. However, why does he get the feeling it wasn’t from him? 

It must be from Soobin. Anger filled him. It was Soobin who failed to protect you, but now you get a ring from someone likely to be him? Who else could it be but Soobin? Almost like he was transported back to school, he started shaking with anger. All he wanted to do was punch something, anything. Heck, even anyone. 

Once more, the image changed. Now it was you and Yeonjun, on the dark grey ground, surrounded by pools of blood - as if sustained an injury to the head. What happened? Why do the images keep changing? Why does it not look like this world? 

Whatever it was, Beomgyu started to suspect it was a vision from the future. Why does Y/N keep dying? Why can’t I protect her? Why can’t I protect Yeonjun? Why can’t I protect my friends? He thinks back to his previous anger. Why can’t Soobin protect them? A switch was turned in front of him. He must do something, anything, to protect you.

With his new drive, he felt a presence appear from behind him as the box closed shut. 

“Now you know what will happen.” Beomgyu turned around to find the source of the sudden voice. “What are you going to do about it?” Ki stood there, at the very back of the cave, smirking. From his place, Beomgyu noticed Ki’s fingertips appeared charred - as if rising from the flames. 

The young one shook his head. “This must be an illusion.” He turned away, glancing back at the closed box that haunted him with images of you. What else could be there? Although he refuses to accept Ki’s implication that what the box contained was the future, he couldn’t help but wonder what else it will show? Will he always be in your life? “This is just all a dream. All some sort of manipulation tactic.” 

Ki let out a pitiful sigh as he walked towards Beomgyu. “That’s where you’re wrong.” The charred fingers traced the sides of the box, trailing along as if trying to imprint the memory of the box into his skin. He snorts. “You’re more like me than you realise.” Ki looked up and stared straight through Beomgyu. His single blue eye haunted Beomgyu. “How long do you think until they realise that too?” 

“I am nothing like you!” he protested. 

The deity shook his head. “You have unlimited power at your fingers. You know what would happen now. If you help me, if you help my cause - you can make sure nothing ever happens to your loved ones.” Ki creeped closer, “Save Yeonjun. Save your family. Your friends. Save Y/N.” 

“Even if it was true, I don’t need your help. I have my friends; I have Yeonjun, Taehyun, Kai, Soob-.” 

“Impossible,” Ki scoffed. “You know, I am more than you could ever imagine. We are more than anyone could ever imagine.” He was aware that Beomgyu is still sceptical. Yet Ki could sense his turbulence, the dark matter and confusion and chaos and fear surrounding his target. Ki could literally smell it off of him. “You have the power to create and destroy worlds. You can create a world to protect everyone you’ve ever loved. You’re the son of Gi. The deity of creation and destruction. She was among the most powerful of them all.”  

Beomgyu took a step back. “And why should I trust you?” Overwhelmed, his voice was breathy and trembled. As much as Beomgyu would like to blame the cold of the cave, he felt the fear that resounded throughout his whole body. 

“Why should you trust the truth?” Ki responded sarcastically, reopening the box and turning around. As Ki walked forward, Beomgyu kept his eyes trained on the thousands of images that seemed to flash by. “If you don’t join me, Y/N will inevitably die a horrible death. And you? You won’t be able to stop it.” Once more, Ki turned around to face Beomgyu. “Of course, unless you choose to join me.”  From you in a royal gown to you in raggedy, aged clothes - the box always showed images of you dead. Your death was the only thing consistent. “You have the power to change the world, to protect all of your loved ones. If you don’t take this chance, her blood is on your hands.” 

Beomgyu remained silent, haunted by the images in front of him. He didn’t even notice Ki coming around him. 

“You know Soobin would take this offer in a heartbeat,” Ki whispered in his ear, “Unfortunately, Soobin doesn’t have your abilities. Otherwise, he’d be the best candidate.” 

Words bitter to hear, yet pushed Beomgyu. I am her boyfriend, he thought, I’d be the best person to save her. 

“Regardless, Soobin would still take the chance in the heartbeat - even if it means his ultimate doom. I guess you can’t say the same.” Every word Ki spewed was calculated and precise. “Yet only you and Yeonjun have the power to save her. To save everyone you’ve ever loved. Her death would be because of your weakness.” 

Then suddenly, Ki disappeared into black smoke and the cave started to topple into itself. 

And suddenly, all of you were back. As soon as you felt yourself return, your legs and body became numb - as if out of your control. They locked underneath you. In fact, it seemed like the boys also felt the same as you all fell onto the floor. 

Nevertheless, you let out a sigh of relief. 

Beside you, you feel Soobin’s presence - his hand grazing yours (although you spotted that like yours - and, well, everyone - his fingers looked as if they were burnt by flames). You hear Taehyun and Kai’s sighs of relief just by you. 

You look up. Through the clearing smog, Beomgyu was there, his head hung low - but there. Yeonjun too - his hand wrapped around his neck as he caught his breath. 

We’re alive, you felt a weight leave your shoulders, we’re all alive. 

Was that all a dream? Everything you’ve seen, everything you’ve experienced - it was impossible. It is impossible. There is no way this is real, the world felt hazy - almost unreal, as if through a daze -

The temporary relief was what it was; temporary. 

“Do you see all the power I hold?” He rose from the smog, hovering above the ground. “I can create worlds. You are capable of the same. Those necklaces you wear?” Ki reaches out and as if the air was magnetised, all your necklaces flew up - levitating in front of you. “They are chains, holding you captive as mere humans - keeping you imprisoned to this mortal coil. Your parents, both biological and adoptive, have always been ashamed of you and your powers.” The smog has now cleared and you looked around, trying to find an escape. 

Unfortunately, you spotted something else. 

Blood. So much blood. 

Yeonjun was injured. What you thought was him trying to catch his breath was instead him holding the wound on his neck. 

“Yeonjun!” you called, although your voice failed you. It was raspy as if you were in a home engulfed with smoke. Yet Ki seemed to hear you, and the others around you did too. Beomgyu, so attuned to you, even heard you from afar and sprinted to Yeonjun’s aid. Kai joined him. You, however, were frozen in place. Soobin and Taehyun remained next to you. 

Taehyun felt his heart skip. Beomgyu too. This is just like the vision told them. To Beomgyu, it only started to confirm his decision. To Taehyun, however, he felt frozen. What can I do? 

From your spot on the other side of the clearing, you shouted directions at Kai and Beomgyu. “Compress the bleeding! Hold something to it! Try and stop the bleeding!” 

“You really think your mediocre mortal medicine knowledge will save him?” Ki snorted. You felt like spiders were crawling up your spine. Smirking, Ki continued. “Let me help you reach your full potential.” He turned to face you, his eyes flickering with mischief. “Y/N.” As if he controlled gravity, he seemed to force you to hover - lifting you centimetres above the ground. “Daughter of Kwang, daughter of humanity and nature. You have the ability to heal. Take off your necklace. You can save Yeonjun.” 

Your feet returned to the ground, and as if possessed, you wrapped your hand around your necklace to take it off. It took everything in your willpower to try and restrain your hand, but it was as if someone else was in control. Fortunately, Soobin’s hand immediately wrapped around yours - stopping you. You looked into his eyes, and it was full of fear and distrust. 

“Y/N, no!” Beomgyu called, now standing up from Yeonjun’s aid. “Kai, come here. Please.” He strained, trying to make sure someone was beside Yeonjun as he went to stop you. 

Ki tsked. “This would have never happened if you joined my cause in the first place.” He puffed out air, smirking mischievously. “You all could’ve been gods but your lack of action condemned yourselves to death.” He made eye contact with all of you, but his eyes rested on Beomgyu’s. “At least, for the rest of you, you still have the chance. You still can become deities.” Ignorant to you, Ki mouthed a silent message to Beomgyu; ‘and save her’ 

The deity’s words still echo in your brain. You could save Yeonjun. With your hand lingering on the necklace. While Soobin’s hand is now gone, your internal debate was obvious to anyone paying attention. 

“Don’t trust him,” Taehyun muttered, still feeling uneasy from the world he was just stuck in. He saw you dead before in his previous dreams and in the world he was trapped in, he saw the signs of death. How could he know you’d be safe? 

At Taehyun’s words, Kai also turned to look at you. Like Yeonjun, your name was in red. Were you next? “Y/N.” He wanted to reach forward, to tear your hand off of the necklace - but he knew leaving Yeonjun’s side would only further endanger him. Your hopeless yet determined eyes met his terrified ones, and he hoped that would dissolve your need to take off your necklace. However, as you looked away, you saw Yeonjun’s copious amount of blood pooling around them - Beomgyu and Kai covered in it. There’s no way he could survive this naturally anymore, you thought. 

Noticing your trained eyes, Beomgyu grunted as he lifted Yeonjun’s almost lifeless body off of his legs. Sprinting to you, he wrapped his arms around you as soon as he was in your vicinity. Through a series of whispered soft protests (‘don’t do it, we could change the world and have him back’), you felt your heart drop. 

Was Beomgyu insinuating that you should join forces with Ki? You stepped back, far enough that you could look him in the face while his arms were still loosely wrapped around yours. Who was in front of you? Your boyfriend was stubborn and loud and nosey. It was hard to convince him to do most things. What happened to him now? You stared at him in shock. Did Beomgyu want to help Ki? What did Ki show him? 

Soobin and Taehyun, however, interrupted your shock and spoke with reason. “It could be a trap. He could be trying to wreak more havoc to increase his own power.” 

“He’s already dying, Y/N,” Taehyun muttered, refusing to look up. “It’s not worth losing the both of you.” As much as he wants to save them both, he doesn’t want to see one more person die. He can only assume the raven’s warning applied to more than just Yeonjun. He trembled with every small movement.  

Regardless of their attempts to stop you, your eyes refused to leave Yeonjun’s form. He was pale, left on the ground. You could easily find some herbs to ease the pain, however, these herbs cannot stop the wound from letting him bleed out. “Taehyun,” you croaked, “find some mandrake roots.” Taehyun didn’t move, waiting to watch your next move. “Now!” 

He’s never heard you scream like that. So he listened. 

Ultimately, you knew Taehyun was right. You knew he was already dying and he was too far gone for your saving. But you needed to try. 

You pushed Beomgyu off of you and shoved Soobin out of the way. 

Beomgyu immediately pushed back, stepping in front of you once more. “This is a fool’s errand!”

You felt rage accumulate in your chest. I can do something, you thought, Ki said I can. The reality that human medicine may not be enough is settling in. Sure, Ki may have proved his character as malicious and untrustworthy - but you study medicine and are considered a prodigy. You wouldn’t consider yourself gullible or weak-willed, so maybe Ki’s solution won’t harm you as much.  Maybe, just maybe, Ki’s solution - with as many harmful side effects that it may include - won’t impact you as much. 

“I can’t just stand here and let one of my best friends die!”

“And I can’t stand here and let the person I love die!” Beomgyu argued back. Soobin immediately stepped back, staring at his feet. The tall boy didn’t know what to do; he was in the crossfires of your argument. It was the first time Soobin had heard Beomgyu say the word love to you, outside of its previous platonic meaning. Obviously, Soobin hadn't heard much of what Beomgyu had said to you as your boyfriend. Hearing Beomgyu confess made the fact you weren’t Soobin’s partner even more evident. 

Beomgyu lowered his voice, now unable to be heard by Soobin. “Please. I can’t lose you. We can make a new world where Yeonjun is alive again. We can recreate all of this. You don’t need to risk your life or waste your time on medicine that will only fail.”

“I don’t want a recreation,” you spat, in disbelief that Beomgyu’s words only continue to imply he wants to join Ki. And he’s doubting your abilities? Yes, part of your subconscious agrees with him - even the most professional doctor in the world couldn’t save Yeonjun now- but only you can admit that. Beomgyu always believed in you, so why not now? “I want Yeonjun. As he is. As he is here, in this world.” 

You glanced at Ki, “Whatever he said or did to you-” Your tone was accusatory, knowing full well this isn’t Beomgyu talking, “-you aren’t the Beomgyu I fell in love with.” You stepped back, ignoring how your heart stung at the sight of Beomgyu with his sad doe eyes and deflated demeanour. 

Escaping from Beomgyu’s proximity, you ran to where Kai is now wrapping a piece of torn cloth from his shirt to Yeonjun’s neck, trying to stop the blood loss. It was already far too much than you could even deal with. The cut went across his carotid artery and jugular vein, that was clear by the fact Yeonjun had yet to speak and struggled to breath. 

You weren’t dumb. After all, you were a prodigy in apothecary studies. In your few years of experience, some people started calling you a miracle worker. But Beomgyu was right, Ki was right, and ultimately - you knew the truth. There was nothing that could be done on the mortal plane to save Yeonjun now. I need a miracle. If Ki was right about you having powers, then maybe he can help. If he was wrong, there would be no further harm done. You’d still lose one of your best friends who is integral in your life. Believing him only had a possibility of saving Yeonjun, right? 

It’s better than having Yeonjun bleed out and die. It’s better than doing nothing. If there is a chance Ki was right, and you were able to save him but you didn’t, you don’t know what you’d do. 

So you admitted defeat and took off your necklace. “What do I do now?” All around you, your friends either showed or spoke their obvious desire for you to put your necklace back on. Kai with his doe eyes, Taehyun with his agape mouth, Soobin and Beomgyu both repeating for you to stop - but you couldn’t care less. You couldn’t let Yeonjun die. 

An evil smirk played along Ki’s lips. “Press your hands against the injury.” 

“Y/N, don’t!” Beomgyu called, now hesitant to step too close to you. You ignored his calls. 

“Now, close your eyes.” You listened to Ki’s instructions. Due to this, you couldn't see the silent plea Beomgyu sent Soobin to stop you. Surely, you’d listen to Soobin - right? If not Beomgyu, Soobin? You always did trust and listened to Soobin as a voice of reason when you guys would all hang out. “Imagine the injury in your brain, picture it.” The feeling of the warm, red liquid leaking onto your hands was one you could never forget; your friend’s blood coated you. “Now repeat what I say.” 

Soobin was too late when he got to you. By the time his hand rested on your shoulders, desperate to pull you onto your feet, you had already been enchanted by the words in a foreign tongue. The words were like a melody from a lullaby, as if this language has been something you’ve always known. It was nothing you have ever heard or read before, yet you didn’t struggle at all with the pronunciation.

Beomgyu’s voice was uncertain, quiet as he turned to Taehyun. “What language is that?” The younger one shook his head, feeling helpless. This is what the vision meant. Taehyun was petrified. He couldn’t lose you two. Chills ran through his body. He wanted to move but he felt frozen. “Taehyun?” 

“I…don’t know.” Those three words were how Beomgyu knew everything was wrong. Taehyun always knew, and if he didn’t, it would come to him naturally as he learned. 

You opened your eyes. Trembling, you felt no control over your body - like you were about to combust. “Why isn’t it working?” you wailed, ignoring the fact that tears are streaming down your face. “Why isn’t Yeonjun awake? He has no pulse!” 

Ki grinned. “You should have helped earlier. If you had just listened to me earlier, he would still be alive” 

“I did listen to you!” you screamed, now standing up on your feet. Tears were falling from your face, it was out of your control now. Everything was. Soobin - who was supporting you - took the chance to hold your hand, instinctively trying to comfort you. His grip was loose, yet you immediately reciprocated, tightening the hold as you continued to yell. “Let me save Yeonjun! Please, I’ll do anything!” Soobin couldn’t ignore the feeling of you trembling. You couldn’t either. It was quite literally like you had embodied an earthquake. 

Almost like a whisper in your ear, you heard a voice. It’s too late, Ki’s whisper felt turbulent - as if you just caught the whiff of poison. You already took more than you can handle. 

And just like that, your throat became dry. The ability to speak seemed to be ripped out of your throat and tossed to the side. What do you mean? you wanted to ask, but you couldn’t. And before you knew it, the world faded to black. 

When your body collapsed onto Soobin’s lap, he thought it was just exhaustion. The other boys may have rushed forward to check on you as soon as you fell, but they also assumed it was just exhaustion - a temporary spell. Maybe Ki sent you back to the other dimension. Was this what we were like when we were there? 

But when Beomgyu pressed his hand against your heart and felt no pulse, he felt his stomach drop. It wasn’t exhaustion. Your head still remaining in Soobin’s lap, Beomgyu kneeled beside you - pressing his lips to yours and breathed into your mouth. He swore you taught him how to resuscitate someone before. Resting his hands on your heart, pressing up and down, he tried everything he could. 

Soobin felt frozen in place. Your hand was still locked in his. The cold metal on your finger seemed to match the temperature of your body. You’re gone. What a weird sight. Someone who used to be his whole world is dead, in his arms. His other best friend is next to him, surrounded by his own blood. Hell, the blood on your fingers had left its mark on his own hand. I never got to say what I wanted to tell her, he thought, I never told her I loved her. We never had one last good day, one last proper goodbye. He sees Beomgyu desperately pounding at your chest. His heart burned for him. Based off the tears blurring Beomgyu’s eyes and his agonizing shrieks (ones Soobin is too shocked to even let out), Soobin can tell he is going to forget about the ring on your finger. He would want it, Soobin decided before slipping off the ring, I’ll give it to him later. 

On the other hand, Taehyun felt depleted. He had an idea this was going to happen, why couldn’t he stop it? Why did he let Ki into their lives in the first place? Would this have happened if he never introduced Ki-Hoon to them? Endless regrets hit Taehyun like a tidal wave, blowing him over as he struggled to come up for air. Now, he’s surrounded by the blood of his best friends and is left filled with regret and guilt. 

Kai, however, took over for Beomgyu and kept pushing on your chest. If I could start her heart again, he was determined, she could live. She didn’t lose blood. She could live. He pushed and pushed, trying all that he could to just get you to blink, to breathe, to call him an idiot, to do something again. 

“Your effort is truly commendable.” Ki’s voice echoed throughout the land, breaking through the silent shock that overwhelmed the four boys. “But you should stop before you get even more hurt.” 

Kai stopped beating at your chest, halting his efforts. “What did you do?” he croaked. From his limited time in listening to you talk about what you learnt about the human body with you, he knew body temperature didn’t decrease that fast naturally. Your skin doesn’t lose colour that fast when you die, especially when there wasn’t any blood leaking. “What happened?” 

“She didn’t understand how to use her powers,” Ki said simply, as if it was the most basic knowledge in the world. “The magic was too draining. It depleted her and Yeonjun. It was too big of a job to do on the first try. That is why you need to work with me, that is why we need a new world. You can restart, you can become masters of your crafts, you can save your friends.”

Beomgyu stood up, his eyes dark and face red. “What you said earlier.” He was resolute; that was something clear to all of them. Taehyun looked up at him in worry. What is Beomgyu going to do? “I’ll join you. If you promise the lives of my loved ones will be safe.” 

Soobin was slow to react. “What he said earlier?” 

“You said I could save her.” Beomgyu stood tall now, almost as if trying to be bigger than Ki. “You said I could save them. Let me.” Ki raised his eyebrow, eyeing Beomgyu. “I’ll join you.”

Ki grinned and motioned for Beomgyu to come forward. 

“Beomgyu, no,” Taehyun and Kai quickly interjected. “Y/N wouldn’t want you too.” 

Beomgyu turned to them, his eyes turned into slits as he glared. “You don’t know what she would have wanted! You weren’t with her for the last five years! She’s dead. She would have wanted to be alive. At least, in another world - she’d be alive to tell us!” 

Pure unfiltered rage for the people he felt abandoned by for the last five years took over him. If they were truly his and your friends, they would’ve still reached out over the last five years. They would care more now. They would accept Ki’s offer. They abandoned you, and they’re abandoning you now. 

“Any other takers?” Ki grinned, already having obtained one of the two key people he needed. He lost the other, but he can make do. 

“Never,” Kai growled. 

“You don’t see the value of me, the value of our roles,” Ki sighed patronisingly, as if he had explained the most simplest concept a hundred times already. “Why would deities exist in the first place? We are the protectors of humans. By not joining me, you are abandoning them.” 

“I don’t think the world would want you,” Taehyun spat. 

Ki rolled his eyes and turned around, facing away from them all. “They may not want me, but they need me.” 

As Ki started on his departure with Beomgyu in tow, the whole forest engulfed in flames. The four of them were surrounded by fire, trapped in the centre, underneath the cold midnight moon that only reminded them of two things. 

They’re alone. 

And they don’t know what’s going to happen next. 

Most of what is left around them is ash. 

The trees still stand tall, but the grass is charred.  A circle of ash surrounds them as they sit next to your corpses. 

It was now morning again. The sky was an orange, placing a layer of false comfort as the hue dawned on all of them, embracing them all in its warmth. Nevertheless, they still felt cold. Soobin wishes he was asleep and that he will wake up to find it was all a dream. It needs to be, he begged no one in particular. 

“A pansy,” Taehyun commented through a cracked voice, a tear dripping down his face as he watched Soobin place the last flower surrounding the two of your ashen bodies. “It means remembrance.” 

You sighed, running your hand through its petals. “They look fresh. I might bring them with me.” Taehyun chuckles as you admire it, about to turn around and go back to observing the stones. “Wait, Taehyun -” You called, stopping him in his place. Playfully, you handed out one of the flowers. “So you’ll remember me.” 

Taehyun rolled his eyes, chuckling. “As if it’s possible.” Despite his snarkiness, he placed the flower in his bag. “In fact, I want to do the opposite. Now, come on, let’s go closer.” 

I always want to remember you, Taehyun thought - still partially expecting either one of you to move, to speak, to say something. He wanted you to open your eyes and ask him about his cult, or Yeonjun to tease him for his height. He wanted you both to just be alive.

It was Kai’s idea to cover the two of you in flowers. ‘For all the events we missed’, he said - remembering the bouquets they failed to get for each graduation, each birthday, each anniversary. Coincidentally, the usually diverse flowers around you appeared to be only pansies today. Creating a crown for both your heads, they laid your bodies to rest on the dirt; protected with layers of flowers. In a way, the flowers shielded them from the sight of your pale and limp bodies - both lifeless and diminished. The flowers also disguised Yeonjun’s blood that stained Yeonjun’s clothes, your hands, and all of their limbs. 

It was already too much, Soobin commiserated as he held your limp hand in his - wishing that it’ll tighten around his hand like before. His heart felt heavy, impossibly so. He felt grounded into the spot next to you and Yeonjun, unable to move as his heart anchored him in his place. Part of him wishes the ground next to you consumes him so that he’ll be forever by your side.  

With Beomgyu’s betrayal and your deaths, the fear Soobin has for the future was immaculate. Life without you was scary enough, but now life with Beomgyu collaborating with Ki? Soobin knows there’s still more to come. Yet he couldn’t even fathom what could be worse than this.

He feels suspended in time; unsure of what is next. For the past is filled with painful reminders now. For he will no longer be able to experience your laughs and Yeonjun’s support, but the future is filled with uncertainty. What would Beomgyu do? Soobin is already dreading having to tell your parents of your demise. 

Kai was normally never a fan of silence. He would rather sit in a crowded room to study than a silent library. But he took comfort in the silence. If a conversation strikes up, he’s worried he’ll look to you or Yeonjun for your contributions. Yet the silence also was a reminder of your absence. 

“Do you remember when we would be in Yeonjun’s house and he’d tell these stories?” Kai asked through his stuffy nose, ignoring the nausea gnawing away at his stomach. 

Taehyun chuckled, attempting to wipe at his bloodshot eyes to make the tears disappear.  “And Y/N would always be the damsel in distress with Beomgyu as her knight,” he added, smiling sadly at the memory. 

Sure, it may have always been Beomgyu but Soobin doesn’t care. Soobin wanted you. Here. Alive. Even if it means not speaking to you or not being amicable, he wanted you alive. He wanted to see you happy. Even if from afar. 

“Or do you remember her first official bread she made?” Kai added. Soobin couldn’t trust his voice, nor did he feel like talking; his mouth felt dry and his body felt limp. He no longer had control over himself. His head was screaming but his body remained still. 

Mentally, he tried to will your figure to move; tried to will Yeonjun to move. As if his thoughts alone could bring you two back to life, he screamed internally - wake up! Get up! - but each second that passed broke his heart even more. 

Taehyun smiled ruefully. “Don’t forget how Yeonjun immediately messed his bread up.” 

Death is strange. A day ago, Yeonjun had just arrived with his whole future laid out in front of him. A degree in his hand, he was prepared to lead the city to new and better directions. You had just been there, about to finish university. Both of you were there and alive. Now, all that is gone. 

In part, the three of them understood Beomgyu’s decision. Not only did Beomgyu make Ki promise their and their family’s protection, but he wanted to create a world for you two to live in. Yet, the three of them knew that neither of you wanted your lives to be the reason that the rest of the world was destroyed. 

“I wish we were more prepared” Soobin finally spoke up, yet his voice was fragile. His eyes, however, planted itself on your ring resting on the palm of his hand. 

Taehyun looked at the ground. “It’d take a thousand lifetimes to have prepared for that.” 

Suddenly, their visions went white. At the sudden blindness, Taehyun reaches for his necklace, trying to remember if he took it off - it was still there. What is happening? 

Soobin, however, recognized the voice. It was the same voice from years ago. The same voice that awoke him from his slumber, telling him to never take the necklaces off. 

“A thousand lifetimes you’ll get.” 

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[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun / Taemin; bridging parallels ; nc17

jonghyun and taemin live in the apartments across from each other and jonghyun has been watching taemin climb out of his window and sneak out of the house several times a week for years ever since they were both in high school

for summer of shinee 2021 : )

Him and Taemin text still. Not often, and when they do, it's never really a full conversation. Mostly just memes shared at 2 in the morning, small talk, happy birthdays. Look at that dog texted fervently at 7 p.m. On a Thursday dragging one of them at light speed to their window to obey. Taemin makes his way into one of Jonghyun's articles again, this time a little spotlight of his work as a choreographer for an entire show.

Jonghyun has known Taemin since they were kids. Apartment neighbors, kind of. Jonghyun is 408, Taemin is 718. The way the apartments are set up, Jonghyun can sit at his bedroom window, look outside, and see Taemin's bedroom window across the way and one floor down. They go to elementary school together, then middle school, and then high school. They have one or two classes together over the years. None of that really matters because they never really talk.

What was the homework texted here, our mutual friend both invited us to the same party there, look at that dog shouted into the space between their windows at 7 p.m. On a Thursday one time in 8th grade. Whatever.

Even when Taemin starts sneaking out at night, the summer after sophomore year, 15 years old, it doesn't magically make them have a speaking relationship. All it does is distract Jonghyun as he's sitting at his window sill, scented candle lit, summer reading program report under his hands. Distracts him and makes him drop his pencil four floors into the bushes that line the building.

He doesn't watch it long enough to see it hit the ground. He's far too interested in watching whatever the fuck Taemin thinks he's doing. He's clambering out of his window, his third-story window, nothing but a concrete drop below him, and then he's actually climbing up, up the wall, up the building, up three floors until he's hauling himself up onto the roof.

When Taemin makes it up there, he rolls out of view over the ledge, but then his head pops back over. He looks all the way down, and even from far away, Jonghyun can see the huge smile spread over his face. His hands slap excitedly on the ledge before he stands up, turns, and disappears again as he jogs away, the high kick of his ankle behind him as he stumbles a step the last thing that Jonghyun sees of him.

Until he sees him sneaking out again the next night.

It doesn't become a nightly thing, but it is still regular enough that, every night when he's at his window sill with a candle and some writing, he’ll glance up at any movement he sees across the way just in case. It doesn't stop when school starts back up again, either. Sometimes Jonghyun will watch Taemin clamber out of his window, up the building, and disappear on the roof one night and then watch him sleeping on the bus the next morning, wondering how many hours he actually got. Sometimes he'll be up late enough to watch Taemin sneak back in, a descent three floors down from the roof that stops Jonghyun's heart every time.

School goes on. Jonghyun takes storytelling electives; music, ceramics, creative writing, art. He reads comic books, watches anime, looks up walkthroughs of video games that he can't play himself. He gets detention one time for being late and a kid sitting next to him offers him some weed, which he tries but doesn't really like, but that kid helps him through some spontaneous crying a few weeks later so they become pretty close and he winds up being the designated driver to a bunch of stoners. His dad moves out, his sister moves out, his sister moves back in. He picks up a part-time job at a music store during his senior year to help with the bills.

He sees Taemin around every now and again. They have ceramics together, for one. Taemin sits at another table with his own group of friends, but he smiles and says hey to Jonghyun when they wind up in the glazing room together. He comes into Jonghyun's job sometimes, looking over new album releases and buying everything a particular band puts out.

Jonghyun sees Taemin dancing during school pep rallies, assemblies, during rehearsals and the big night for a talent show they're both in where Jonghyun almost cries on stage because he's so nervous to be playing one of his own self written songs in front of people. He cries backstage instead and they still don't talk, but Taemin offers him a quick hug as they pass, hand rubbing over his back, and then he's gone before Jonghyun even really realized he was there in the first place. Later that night, Taemin sneaks out and then back in again within an hour.

And that night is also the first night that Taemin notices Jonghyun watching him. It’s just as he’s putting his hands on his windowsill to hoist himself up that he hesitates and, for a reason that Jonghyun can't come up with, looks directly across the way at Jonghyun.

He jumps when he sees Jonghyun, like he's startled; Jonghyun waves, a little confused, a little amused. Taemin looks down, covering what has to be an embarrassed smile with his hand.then Taemin looks up, waves back, and clambers out of his window and up the wall like usual. After he reaches the top, he peeks his head over the edge for the first time since that first night. Jonghyun leans just a little bit out of his window to smile and wave again. Even with all of the distance between them, Jonghyun can see the flash of his smile as Taemin taps two fingers to his temple and flicks them off in a salute.

From that night on, everytime that Taemin sneaks out, they wave at each other.

They graduate; Jonghyun with okay grades and Taemin with probably the same. Jonghyun doesn't go to college or anything. He upgrades his job at the music store to full time and does some freelance work online writing articles about art events and festivals in the area while he tries to work on his own stories in his free time. Taemin doesn't leave town either, because he still climbs out of his window and disappears over the roof on a regular basis. It's not until Taemin comes into the music store one time to buy a new CD and Jonghyun recognizes the logo on his hoodie as belonging to the local dance theater that he figures out what Taemin has been up to lately.

And it's not until they happen to both wind up in the little corner store down the street from their apartment complex at the same time that they have their first real conversation.

Jonghyun is there because he wanted snacks and his sister wanted snacks and he lost the rock paper scissors to decide who would go out and get some. Taemin is apparently there to buy some booze because he's standing in front of all of the refrigerators and contemplating the selection when Jonghyun opens one next to him to grab a couple bottles of soda.

"Oh, sorry," Taemin says, glancing at him and stepping a little bit away, and then, brighter, "oh, hey Jonghyun."

"Hey," Jonghyun says back, pleasantly surprised to recognize him. "Party?" he asks, nodding at all of the liquor. Taemin shakes his head, tells Jonghyun that he's just looking for something fun and fruity to enjoy by himself in his room sometimes. For self-care, he says. Jonghyun tells him he gets that and taps the glass in front of one of his favorite fruity boozy drinks in recommendation. Taemin shrugs and takes his word, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the bottle without even really looking at the label or anything on it. Then, after a moment's hesitation, asks, "how old are you again?"

"20," Jonghyun tells him, smiling a little sheepishly. "Maybe I ask my sister to buy me alcohol. Don't tell anyone."

And Taemin's response to that is a snort, a broad grin, and a hand slipping into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. "As long as you don't tell anyone about this," he says as he pulls out his ID card from its clear plastic flap, slots it in with all his other cards, pulls out a different ID card, and puts that in the flap.

The blunt casualness of that whole exchange surprises a laugh out of Jonghyun, one that sounds loud in the quiet little store. He doesn't try to stifle it; has never really tried to stifle his laughter. Still chuckling, he offers up his pinky to Taemin to promise. Taemin looks at him, looks at his pinky, covers his mouth and nose with the back of his hand for a moment, then links their pinkies together.

Taemin buys his alcohol and leaves the store before Jonghyun finishes picking up all of his snacks, but he sees Taemin ahead on the sidewalk on the way back and jogs to catch up with him.

"Don't go climbing out of your window after you drink any of that," he says, worried halfway through the sentence that maybe he's overstepping but finishing anyway. Taemin does that thing again, where he looks down and rubs his nose, and is the first one to offer up his pinky this time.

Taemin picks up a fashion for denim-on-denim, leather, spikes. Dark clothes, baggy hoodies, lots of rings. Beanies, worn-out shoes. Jonghyun attaches himself to big comfy sweaters, turtlenecks, bracelets cinching over the sleeves. Ripped jeans, snapbacks, boots. Taemin lets his hair grow out until it fans out around his face, soft and wavy, then cuts it short into a choppy bowl cut and a crisp undercut. Jonghyun tries out an undercut too, finds he likes it, experiments with dying his hair every couple of months. Taemin has some new piercings–shark bites, cheek studs, spikes through his ears. Jonghyun has some new tattoos–words on his arms, permanent bracelets around his wrists, planets on his side, a starscape on his back.

Jonghyun starts teaching guitar lessons at the music store to kids on the weekends. His mom gets promoted at her job. They stop struggling as much, settle into something almost resembling financial security. He keeps freelancing and in one of his articles he writes about a culture show the dance theater is putting on. In the picture that runs with the article, Taemin is standing on the end, smiling with his arm around a fellow dancer, doing a victory sign for the camera.

There's a queer club down the street from the music store that Jonghyun goes to sometimes. He makes new friends, has a couple of casual hookups, has a cute girlfriend for a while but things don't really work out. It's fine between them after. Taemin almost has a cute date friend one time, but that doesn't work out either. Jonghyun knows this because he watches the whole thing happen from his window sill.

He's there, writing notebook under his hands, scented candle next to his elbow, just like every night, and Taemin is suddenly there on the roof. Except, for once, he's not alone. Someone else is with him. A little taller, thick dark hair spilling out of a pulled up hoodie, and that's about all Jonghyun can see of them. The pair of them sit down on the ledge, feet dangling over nothing, close enough that their shoulders almost brush every so often.

Jonghyun doesn't mean to snoop, or eavesdrop, or anything. Taemin's love life is his own business. It's interesting, yeah, to watch them stargazing and talking together, but Jonghyun really is only glancing up at them every couple of minutes to distract his brain a little bit so he can focus on his writing without getting distracted a lot by something else. And it just so happens, that during one of those glances, Taemin tries to make his move.

It's not much of a move; a purposeful bump of their shoulders, a rub of his nose with the back of his hand, something said to make them look at him directly. More quiet words, a leaning in–not all the way, but enough to be clear–a tilt of his head like he's asking a question, and then.

And then. The other person leaning back, shaking their head, covering their mouth with both hands. Quickly they reach for Taemin's hand, holding it tight as they speak earnestly, as Taemin nods up and down and tugs his hair at the back of his head where they can't see.

They sit together for a little while longer after that, but a barely perceptible distance apart now, enough space that they don't accidentally bump shoulders anymore. Then the other person stands up, starts to walk away. Taemin turns and takes their hand, carefully, asks them something that they nod in agreement to. Taemin drops their hand, flops his own hands into his lap. The other person walks away, and then a minute later, Taemin falls back, sprawls himself out over the roof until all Jonghyun can see are his legs still dangling. They kick in the air for a few seconds before flopping limply back down in defeat.

Jonghyun looks back to his writing with a shake of his head. Poor baby.

He doesn't see Taemin sneak out for a couple of weeks after that. Then, another night, another candle, another page of writing, he glances up and finds Taemin sitting at his window, arms crossed on the windowsill, face nestled in his elbow, cheek smushed up as he pouts out at nothing. Jonghyun can't help it; he smiles at the image.

"Hey sorry about your heartbreak dude" is what he texts to Taemin once he finds his number buried in all of his contacts, an entry probably put in during high school for some project that neither of them remember. And then he just watches, waits, until Taemin leans away from his window. A moment later, Taemin returns, and this time he's holding his phone and looking up at Jonghyun. Jonghyun waves with an apologetic little shrug.

"Damn you saw that??? " Taemin texts back. Jonghyun replies that he did indeed see it and offers more condolences. Taemin's sigh is audible to Jonghyun even from so far away, but he replies anyway. They talk about nothing, really; Taemin asks what Jonghyun is always writing about and Jonghyun tells him. His book that he's been working on for a while. The one where he wanted to write a love story but wound up accidentally writing a breakup scene in the first chapter and then just went with it. Taemin seems to take some comfort in hearing about a failed romance.

The night after that, Taemin climbs out of his window again.

Him and Taemin text still. Not often, and when they do, it's never really a full conversation. Mostly just memes shared at 2 in the morning, small talk, happy birthdays. Look at that dog texted fervently at 7 p.m. On a Thursday dragging one of them at light speed to their window to obey. Taemin makes his way into one of Jonghyun's articles again, this time a little spotlight of his work as a choreographer for an entire show.

Jonghyun's manager gets fired for tax evasion or some bullshit and suddenly he finds himself as the manager instead. Not because he's super qualified for the job, but because he's worked there for the longest, almost 11 years, and the rest of the employees are mostly part-time high school kids. All of a sudden he has all of these duties and responsibilities that he doesn't know what to do with, on top of dealing with the mess that his old boss left him with. The first thing he does is give himself and all of the employees a raise, which at first gets him a serious reprimand from upper management of the store chain, but he doesn't give a shit and the next month he gets praised for reducing customer service complaints and boosting product sales.

One night Taemin comes into the music store to buy a new album from his favorite band a couple weeks later than Jonghyun was expecting him to. Usually he shows up on day one; when Jonghyun mentions that to him, he rubs his nose with the back of his hand and shrugs, mumbling something about a giveaway online and shipping problems. Jonghyun chuckles at that, mentions that the cardboard stand that they have in the store to promote the album is free for him to take, if he wants it. He's the manager. He can do that now.

Taemin's eyes widen behind his bangs, his teeth flash in a huge smile. He thanks Jonghyun emphatically, grabs the stand, and walks out with it, holding it in front of him as he goes and biting his lip.

Jonghyun finds himself thinking about that later in bed. Taemin’s teeth biting into his bottom lip. Digging into soft, plush pink. He looked different today. Something about his face, his nose. A nose job, Jonghyun guesses, something to change the tip of his nose from a cute soft hook to a cute round end. He dropped his shark bite piercings at some point and replaced them with studs. two silver squares on each side of his bottom lip, matching the ones that dimple his cheeks, the sets that outline the tips of his eyebrows. Matching the ones lined up below his collar bones. Jonghyun could see those in the dip of his v-neck.

The piercings won't leave his mind as he tries to fall asleep. Heavy silver, bold, striking, a statement of toughness outlining his delicate features. Jonghyun wonders how they feel, if he ran his fingers over them would they be cold or would they have absorbed Taemin’s body heat. He makes the mistake of wondering if Taemin has matching studs on his hips and realizes with a start that he's running his fingers over his own lips, imagining how it would feel if he were to drag his mouth over them.

Face hot, lips tingling, Jonghyun rolls over in bed and tries to think of anything else.

It works. For a little bit. Until the next day when he waves at Taemin as he heads out for the night. Then he's thinking about them again. Then he's thinking about what kind of noises Taemin would make if Jonghyun kissed his piercings. About how much deeper, huskier Taemin's voice sounded in the store. It had to have been that deep the last time they talked, the last time Taemin came in to buy an album, but–if it was, Jonghyun doesn't remember noticing or caring as much as he does now.

This new realization has him trying with all his heart to think about himself, what it means that he's gone his whole life without knowing that he had a thing for piercings, what it means if it's not the piercings and it's just Taemin, what it means if he suddenly starts lusting over the boy next door.

This lasts for about two more days until he gets tired of it and decides to just do something about it.

So the next time he catches Taemin about to climb out of his window a little bit after midnight, he waves frantically to get his attention. Taemin stops, looks at him, smiles, waves back. Jonghyun beckons towards him, trying to communicate that he wants him to come over without shouting. Taemin points at himself then over up at Jonghyun, tilting his head; Jonghyun nods eagerly, beckoning again. Without a moment of hesitation this time, Taemin nods and holds up one finger.

He climbs up his building, and then instead of disappearing away from Jonghyun, he walks along the edge. Jonghyun leans a little bit out of his window to watch him all the way down to where the parallel lines of their apartment buildings turn into a U for him to cross, until he gets too close to Jonghyun's side to see anymore. Then, a minute later, there's a crunch of shoe against brick outside his window. He moves his tealight candle out of the way and Taemin slips into his room feet first.

"Hey," he says. "What's up? Can I smell?"

A finger with chipped black nail polish touches next to Jonghyun's tiny candle. He has studs on the backs of his wrists too. Jonghyun lets him smell with a warning to be careful not to spill it, and then tries to figure out a way to say what he wants to say tactfully. He didn't think this part through. It's not really his style to come up with detailed plans, just to try things out and see if they work. Finally, after a bunch of starts and stops, half asked questions, an exasperated sigh, he just says, "do you want to make out?"

And in the silence after the question, in the dim light of his desk lamp, Taemin's tongue wets his lips.

"Sure," he says.

Nice.

Sure turns into Taemin in Jonghyun's lap, turns into Jonghyun gliding his thumb over the studs under Taemin's lip, turns into Taemin cupping his face and pressing their mouths together. Kissing turns into Jonghyun's hands sliding up under his shirt, turns into Taemin groaning the hottest noise Jonghyun has ever heard into his mouth, turns into him standing with his sweater half way over his head frantically whispering to Taemin that his bed is too squeaky and his family is trying to sleep.

He takes Taemin to the floor, sits on his hips and grinds down while Taemin fumbles with his own belt buckle, hands bumping Jonghyun's cock through his pajama pants. Jonghyun hadn't meant for this to happen, wasn't planning on fucking Taemin, but he doesn't want to stop.Taemin doesn't either, says god no when Jonghyun asks and that's enough of a reason to Jonghyun to keep going. He's pushing Taemin's shirt up while Taemin is trying to reach up onto his bed for a pillow, and it's rushed and it's messy, but Jonghyun discovers that Taemin not only has studs along the V of his but also one over his belly button, bars through his nipples, and, best of all, when he pulls Taemin's pants down, four of us small silver balls like an X around the head of his cock.

Lube from his desk, three fingers deep into his own ass, thumb tracing over every piercing on Taemin's hips, so hard it hurts, almost delirious with want, Jonghyun barely hears Taemin when he says, "I've always thought you were cute."

The piercings in his collar bones glint in the light, his skin glistens with summer sweat, the sharp angle of his jawline, the shadow of his adam's apple bobbing in his throat, the raw edge on his voice as he says, "I've always liked you, ever since we were kids, I've always–I don't know when it turned into a crush, but I–god that feels so good. Oh my fucking god." Halfway down Taemin's cock, Taemin grabs Jonghyun's hips and pulls him down all the way, knocks the breath from his lungs. "Jonghyun," he says, "more."

Jonghyun gives him more until he can't anymore, until his thighs are burning and his arms are trembling. Taemin removes the effort for him by turning them around until he's on his back. Taemin fucks him like that, tries to kiss him more but quickly gives up and buries his face in Jonghyun's neck instead. With "you're perfect, you're perfect, you're so fucking perfect, " breathed under his ear, Jonghyun hooks his leg around Taemin's back, pulls him in harder, faster, whispers his own pleads back, begs Taemin to bite him, bite his neck.

Taemin bites him, hard, and that's how he comes, body frozen underneath him until he goes all the way limp, only barely registering in some faraway part of his brain Taemin's choked breaths and the warmth pooling inside of him. He's weak, hazy, loopy, giggling, and Taemin's gentle hands are on him again, picking him up, putting him on his knees, and Jonghyun is glad to obey, glad to do whatever the fuck when he's this blissed-out.

Quiet curses as hands smooth over his back, the softest "oh, wow," whispered as fingers trace his constellations, and then the deepest groan as Taemin's tongue touches his skin. Jonghyun's eyes fly open, his voice rises three octaves, he slaps both hands over his mouth to stifle the noises he's making, noises he’s never made before in his life. The moment that he realizes that Taemin has a tongue stud is the moment that everything goes white, and then the next moment, everything goes dark.

The next morning he wakes up alone, in his bed, pajama pants back on, candle burned all the way down to nothing, window closed. He's not angry, or hurt, but he is a little grumpy all day long until he walks up to the entrance of the apartment complex after work and Taemin is sitting on one of the big potted plants outside the door.

He stands up when Jonghyun gets close to him, presses a large jar candle of the scent from last night into his hands, and, blinking a mile a minute, blurts out, "hey, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for last night when I told you I was in love with you and then fucked you and then panicked and left," to which Jonghyun, baffled, wracking his memory, replies, "did you tell me you're in love with me?"

Which kicks Taemin's blinking into overdrive, starts up a long, stammering babble that Jonghyun can confidently say he understands about 20% of. After a minute he realizes that Taemin isn't going to stop, so he interrupts him by asking, "Taemin, do you want to go on a date?"

A few days later, they share a mountain of fries on an outside table at some burger joint. Taemin, embarrassed, reading notes from his phone, admits that he's had a crush on Jonghyun for what feels like forever but was always too shy and infatuated to make a move. Jonghyun, embarrassed, scratching the back of his head, admits that he just got suddenly horny for the piercings one day and was a little too impulsive in making his move. Both of them, laughing, agree that it would probably be nice to work towards a middle ground together.

And it is.

[morethanjustmediocremusings]

Your Spring Break Horoscope Is Here!

Good evening scopers, and welcome to my first futile attempt at writing horoscopes. But alas, here I am, coffee in hand, and kimono tightly wrapped around my frame… its horoscope time baby!

Aries

Hey there trailblazers and happy birthday! Spring break is your time to break free. School and work can be suffocating and your fiery energy has been contained for far too long. Let loose Aries babies, have some fun in the sun, hike the intimidating mountain that even Instagram influencers fear, have mimosas at breakfast on a weekday, cut your hair into spring’s latest bob. Get out there and have fun this is (quite literally) your time to shine!

Taurus

Phew, we made it. Your strong work ethic has pushed you to success and now is time for some much-needed R&R. Head to the beach, hot or cold the negative ions will recharge your emotional battery and prepare you for an exciting spring season. This week of chilled out vibes, good company, and exploration is the perfect time for journaling. If you don’t already have one, buy one! Write about your day, write about the butterfly you saw while walking to Zumba this morning, write about the perfect new pair of spring boots you just added to your wardrobe. It doesn’t matter what you write, just as long as ink flows onto the page, you must be doing something right.

Gemini

Gemini, you just can’t sit still, can you? For spring break, you should run. Its marathon season, and training starts now! Weather your path takes you to your local park, or to San Francisco’s iconic Bay to Breakers, strap some sneakers on your feet and hit the pavement. Not only will the fresh air cure some of the S.A.D. blues, but it might even clear your head. Constant communication can seem appealing in today’s technology-driven society, but taking that hour in the day to focus on you and your own progress will do more than a group chat about Miley Cyrus ever will.

Cancer

Although overrun with patriarchal messages, its time to take a trip to Home Depot. Yes, you read that right. The land of orange aprons is calling your name. With a cart full of succulents, ceramic pots, tulip bulbs and some Miracle Grow, spring break is your time to create life. Plants keep us alive, metaphorically and otherwise, watching your little sprouts turn into teenager sprouts is one of the single most gratifying parts of spring. So Cancer, get out the shovels and dirt-covered gloves, this spring break is a time for nature.

Leo

Leo, oh Leo! Spring break is your ideal staycation. Put your hone in airplane mode and explore your city. Take the time to be a tourist in your own town, find a new coffee shop, wake up early and check out the farmers market. Pull out your widest brimmed hat and relish in your home. Switching perspectives is an important exercise, for everyone, but especially you, Leo. As headstrong and confident as you are, taking a second to look around and smell the roses right in front of you can revive the sparkle in your eyes just in time for the new beginnings often associated with spring.

Virgo

Pamper yourself this spring break. Make some appointments to freshen up your look. Always taking acre of others, spring break is the time to focus on you! DIY facemasks and red wine count as self-care this week, so open up a bottle of wo buck chuck, re-watch season two of New Girl, paint your nails, and cake your face with manuka honey because this spring break is all about you, Virgo!

Libra

Constantly in motion, your balance is hard to maintain. If you haven’t bought your Coachella tickets yet, today is the day. Sure, the lineup didn’t hit tabloids in the most positive way, but the experience of visiting Indio with your best friends is reason enough to plan some risqué festival outfits. Balance out all the hard work you’ve put into the year with a weekend in the desert. Check out some Palm Springs Airbnbs with your besties, plan the caravan, and get the tickets. Coachella is now on your schedule, get pumped.

Scorpio

Have your heard of Big Sur? It’s essentially a Scorpio’s perfect hangout. Moody forests and brooding seas allow for deeper connections with nature. Take a trip down the coast and lay low for a while Spring break doesn’t have to be booze, babes and boys all the time, sometimes a nice peaceful escape is needed to rebalance yourself within the constant whirlwind of today.

Sagittarius

Its margarita time baby! Pack your carry on with bikinis and tanning oil. Cabo is calling. Grab your girls and head down south, spring break is your time to take some risks (within reason). Chase the tides until sunset, mojito just became your middle name, matching friendship bracelets are a must, but be weary of inland sushi, no need to crush the happy vibe with food poisoning. Be careful Sagittarius, but most importantly, have some fun!

Capricorn

It may be spring break but your head is already looking at summer. Whether planning a vacation abroad or moving apartments, spring break is the perfect time to plan your summer travels. Book changeable tickets, spend hours grazing Pinterest for the best pho in New York. Pin down some details to make your summer the best it can be. Getting caught up in tomorrow can take away from today. Make sure you take some breaks and hang with old friends, make unexpected lunch dates with those you haven seen in years, they want to say hi too.

Aquarius

Ditch the watery dwellings for an inland escape this spring break, I’m talking road trip! There is so much to discover out there, so many Wes Anderson scenes to recreate in the back of a vintage car, so many ice-pops to melt, and red lipstick to be worn. Be daring this spring break, trust our instincts and ride high with your girlies. Look to Baz Lehrman for aesthetic inspo and Lana Del Rey for attitude coaching. Sassy and fierce you will ride into the sunset of a fantastic spring break.

Pisces

If there was ever a time to create Pisces, spring break 2019 is that time. Choose your medium and get going. Passion runs through your veins like water headed downstream, canvas, clay or otherwise get your hands dirty in doing something you love. That old film camera you got for graduation, now is the time; thinking about starting a bullet journal, carpe diem; aspiring film maker, move it or lose it. There is no time like the present Pisces, don’t overthink it, just get going.

[cacoethess-scribendi]

TWENTY SEVENTEEN.

What a year. 

A year of growth, love, heartache, identity, learning, happiness, travel, challenges, friendship, and everything in between. 

I began the year in Colorado, celebrating the new year with the Siegerts - snowboarding at Loveland, hiking the mountains after a blizzard, and four wheeling around their yard. 

From there I returned home to enjoy more crazy nights with the babe cave and focused on school and growing my art during awkward seasonal change. I became closer with Bree and visited Jess at her pageant by my self in Onalaska. 

I was feeling a need for change and cut my hair in half on January 22nd. I did it myself and felt extremely clean, but was very nervous. I feel like doing this at the beginning of the year was a reflection of what would come with the year. Being so used to something, then taking my own scissors to it, letting go, and learning how to start fresh and learn to accept the new. 

I began to work closer with KJP as a remote intern. I was hired to do a valentines day photoshoot with Marin. We got a free night at the Charmant Hotel and my photos were admired by KJP, Jeremy, and Sarah themselves. 

Jake came to visit La Crosse for the first time. We did an escape room and I showed him around for a few days. He sent my a dozen roses and a long letter for Valentines Day. During this time I was scrambling to find a way to get out of UWL for a semester and applied to be in NSE. 

Kelsey and I had the privilege to watch Theresa Caputo live at Mystic, and it opened my eyes to heaven, loved ones, and how fragile and special life is. 

I visited TCU and met the infamous house puppy. We made home cooked meals and visited an art museum together. 

In March I took another trip to Ixtapa, my 11th time I believe, with my family, Haley, and Maya. We took amazing photos, partied on a  private boat, and the BVG staff treated us to four coconuts with hibiscus flowers. It was here that I got the shocking news that I was placed at Rhode Island College. 

After that, Jake visited again and we went north to my cabin. We played in the put-put tournament and spent time with the aunts and uncles. 

I started working on an app called Sipp and won an entrepreneurship award. I helped with marketing, strategy, and went to meetings with lawyers and owners of restaurants. I had drinks with executives and was in conversation with the marketing department of Brothers. This was a huge part of my spring semester.

Then I went to TCU again for Jake’s last SigEp formal. We dressed to the nines and partied with all of their friends. We had dinner in downtown Fort Worth in a skyscraper and drank lots of drinks. This was an absolute blast. 

Finally spring rolled around and I turned 21! Finally! After a year of having to be cautious, I could finally go out downtown. I had the biggest surprise of my life that day, when Jake walked into my party and gave me the biggest hug. I still can’t believe that happened. Haley chauffeured him down and we got a short 20 hours together. 

Immediately after my last final, I flew to TCU to spend the weekend with the Siegerts and watch Jake graduate. It was a very exciting weekend with so much joy. We spent time with Yvonne and her kids, and partied the celebration away at the local bars. Dick and Lisa took us out to an insanely expensive dinner and we laughed and did high-low-ha’s around the table. 

From there, Jake and I drove all of his belongings up through Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, and into Nebraska. We were greeted at the lake house with an incredible sunset and a new boat to take a cruise on. After bike rides and lots of cards, we drove through Iowa into Minnesota to spend time with my family. We took a tour of Summit Brewery and Jake met my hometown friends at the speakeasy. We took photos together with Whitley and went to a Twins game. It was amazing. Little did I know that this would be the last time I saw him. 

Over Memorial weekend I went to the cabin for one last piece of MN before I took off onto the biggest adventure of my life thus far. 

Rhode Island. 

I’m still not sure how to put all of this and my emotions into words, but here’s my best shot. I arrived at the airport alone with my things and got picked up by Jeremy. We immediately drove to Massachusetts to check up on the sweaters they were about to launch. I went to the factory and met Kiel, Sarah, and Dave, and then was sent to my hotel room in downtown Providence. I had no idea what was going on. 

The next day I found myself on the southern coast of Rhode Island with my feet in the sand, saying a big hello to the Atlantic ocean. The beach was empty and I walked around for a bit. This was the day I met Sophie and us three bonded over how much we despised the landlord of our new home. 

We moved in and for the week I drove to the factory in Jeremy’s station wagon Mercedes. I got the feeling for URI, Narragansett, and hung out with Taylor Pennell. This is when I met Newport. I explored around Jamestown by myself and instantly fell in love with Beavertail State Park. I took a weekend trip home to shoot a beautiful wedding in Duluth. Jake and I began having distance issues at this point because we didn’t know when we would see each other next. Jake was beginning a new 60 hour/wk job, and I couldn’t leave on weekends due to KJP events. 

I was so excited to return to RI, where I spent time building the new store, starting to be a part of photoshoots and then met Merle. That weekend I had the privilege to meet Cape Cod with the KJP crew. They threw a huge party with the Keel Vodka people and I finally got to show off my skills. We ate oysters, drank way too much champagne and ran around the hotel like kids. Kiel treated us to sushi and took us bar hopping. It was insane, in the best way. On this trip we met Abbey and Windsor, two bloggers from Boston that invited us to visit. 

Made it to Boston. It was a quick day trip, but they were determined to give us the best experience. Dave and I went with Charlie and his girlfriend Katie. We walked around the entire city, took the subway just to say we did it, made it to little italy and got to see all of the historic sites. SUCH a cool city. Ended the trip there with a sunset on a pier overlooking the skyline. 

A few days later I walked in the house to see two people that I’d only known from photos and texts for the last two years. Erick Dent and Jacob True. I had no idea how much these people were about to change my perspective on living. I walked in the door and was immediately shocked at how tall Erick was when he gave me a hug, I had the absolute biggest smile on my face. I remember shaking because this day had been talked about for so many years and it was finally happening. It’s a very unique feeling to have known someone for so long, and then finally meet in person and see them in your living room. Starstruck is my best way to explain it. We had dinner at my favorite restaurant in town, The Coast Guard House. There was an incredible sunset, we ate right on the water with the salty air, and watched a baby whale play in the bay. 

From there, we woke up at sunrise to capture the morning rising over the Atlantic. We all sat at the Point Judith cliff, waved hello to the sun, and took lots of photos. From there we walked out on the Jetty’s and watched Erick fly fish and catch one! Days from here consisted of several trips to Newport, where we would eat meals at The Landing and get Daiquiris. The first day we all ordered one, we were crying laughing because we were drunk off life and some pink smoothies. It was so. much. fun. 

Our group took the old cars to Second Beach in Newport where we got to hang out at the Newport Film Festival for the first time. Kiel had a sponsored post for Land Shark, and they were just starting to release their “Newport” crewnecks so we spent a lot of time on the beach shooting. Sarah was pregnant so she sat back in the cars with Sophie, Jeremy, and Merle. Once the sun started to set and the documentary (Under An Arctic Sky by Chris Burkard) was about to begin, Erick pulled me aside and motioned towards the beach. The two of us ran barefoot out to the beach, where it was empty except for a few lifeguard chairs. It was our first real second alone together and it was such a fun time to catch up and finally get to shoot together after so many years. We ran up to the lifeguard stand and took photos with the sunset and he let me wear his hat. I remember my jaw dropping and being so excited because nobody had taken such cool photos of me before. It was one of my favorite moments of the summer. 

The next day we all went out to shoot a bit, watched some more fly fishing, and we found crabs all over the rocks! We picked them up and took fun photos and videos with them. We took more trips to Point Judith for sunsets and Crazy Burger runs with Dave’s friend Charlie Turchetta. One day we went out of our way to take photos of the KJP bracelets because we knew it would make Kiel happy. We searched all over for fun props to use, but we couldn’t find anything. Jacob and I walked with our heads down back to Erick on the rocks, where he stood with live starfish in his hand. We flipped. Well, I flipped. We ended up finding at least 15 of them and got the most fun photos ever. I could feel them all moving on my legs, and I was at an all time high. 

The Eno’s were set up from the tree to the car almost every day when we got home. All of the roommates would sit outside, telling stories, editing, listening to music, drinking, and swinging. We spent so much time soaking up our little Fortin yard, I will never take that place for granted. It gave us so many conversations, laughs, and “little” moments. 

Somewhere in here, Erick broke up with Olivia and we sat out on the rocks in front of the coast guard house several nights in a row for HOURS just talking about anything and everything. It was so peaceful. We watched tides rise and fall. 

The day before Dave’s birthday, we got to take Kiel and Sarah’s spots at the Oliver Hazard Perry Newport Owners event. We had a strict dress code, and walked up to a booth where our names were on the list. Immediately after arrival we were greeted with pear champagne and lots of old rich people. Needless to say, we were way out of place. But damn was that one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. This was the day I found out Erick liked me. We had a wonderful dinner as a band played for all of us. We were a little past tipsy at this point and all began to dance. I taught Erick how to dance and it was such a blast. We sat down at a high top to take a breather and an older woman walked up to us, looks at Erick, and says “You’re a lucky guy.”

On Dave’s birthday, Erick bought us all tickets to go to Block Island. We woke up early, and rented mopeds as we arrived to the island. We drove them all over with the wind blowing in our hair and the bright green bluffs surrounding us. We stopped at all the local beaches, and then biked to the final bluffs. Wow, was that a view. The stairway to the ocean left me speechless. We walked all along the rocky beach and just enjoyed each other’s company. We ended the day with Coldstone and a trip to the local bar. 

A few days before the 4th, we watched fireworks with thousands of other people off the Jamestown bay with the Newport bridge lit up in the background and a massive American flag blowing in the wind. The real 4th was spent first at Carlton’s lake, wake boarding and taking a dip in the water. From there we all went to Kiel’s and had a huge float party, lit fireworks off the dock, drank with friends, and I said cheers to the first month of my summer in RI. 

I spent July at home with my family, shooting weddings and seniors back to back to make some extra money. My 420 roommates visited MN for a day and I got to enjoy a lunch with them at Starks. I saw Bree again, and spent more time at the cabin with my family singing and dancing our asses off at birdies. 

At the end of July, I picked Erick and Jacob up from the MSP airport so they could help me shoot a wedding. We took a quick stop at the cabin to shoot some Great Lakes swimsuits at the mine pits. From there we made the long road trip back to RI. 

It started in La Crosse, where the boys met the girls and we took some photos at granddads. We then drove to Chicago and spent a night there. Most of the time was spent walking around admiring the city and shooting. The next day we drove 13 hours straight back to Rhode Island and tried not to go crazy in the car. 

[jess-daysatcamp2017]

Big update!!!!

I have finally found time to sit and think about all the things I haven't told you. So the past few weeks have been some of the most busy but the best ever. After my residential week with my favourite camper Cody I had a week on day camp and I had the best campers. Brady who I have had a lot this summer is autistic and repeats everything you say, he sings and dances and is just a very fun camper to be around. He loves the swings so we use that as a reward to try encourage him to do other activities, taking him swimming is always the best as he loves water! He has perseverating thoughts which you have to try and help him get rid of by writing them down and crossing them out and saying all done. He has learnt my name which has made my summer, every time he gets out the car and I say hi Brady he says hi Jessica, Jessica is my favourite. I then had a group of three girls who were pretty neurotypical as far as needs were concerned they just likes making bracelets and having dance parties which was lots of fun, I then went to the doctors that day as I had another ear infection. I then had Aidan and we went to the crayola exhibition which was amazing! You got to create your own crayons and make your own colouring pages with your face on them and everything. I had such a successful day with him and he really is one of our most challenging campers as his ODD is pretty severe. Finally I had a camper called Alex who is completely nonverbal and is fed through a tube but I took him swimming and it was literally the best time ever. He loved the fountains that spurted out water and I would throw him into them and he would laugh so much. I really loved that week on day camp. I then got asked to do a week at camp courage, this week was called camp adventure for children with attention deficit disorders. I had a cabin of 9 campers and apart from a couple issues with some staff I had the best week, one of the campers cried so much when I left and I got to go fishing, kayaking, go on a pontoon, do archery, go swimming and so much more including the mud and food fight. We even made a haunted cabin maze for the campers which was so much fun. I made such good friends with the courage activities staff and was very sad to leave them behind. I came back to Eden wood and when I first got here I had a few issues because basically some of my "friends" here haven't been very nice to me over the past 4 weeks. It started around July 4th and I have been putting up with it but decided I had had enough, I went and talked to my immediate supervisor and she promised to keep me away from them in cabin placements and let me move to a different dorm for this week. However after that I then went out to dinner with Paige karley and emma. Nan Paige is British, karley is American and emma is American😂. We went to bucca di beppo and it was a family style restaurant where you order massive portions of food and share. We got an apple and cranberry salad and chicken carbonara with garlic bread and cheesecake for dessert and it was amazing! It was such nice company and they were all really supportive of what's been going on, they have all had similar issues with the same girls and they were really including of me and made me feel much better. Today I woke up and I got asked if I wanted to go to see corgi races in town where there was a cupcake festival going on. I went with a couple Americans and the British boys and it was so much fun, we didn't stay long but it was super cheap to get in and we watched a couple races and some horse races and then stopped off at mall of America on our way back to camp. I have decided I am going to go to mall of America the day I leave as they have lockers at MOA and it means I can go round everywhere I want to go as I will be by myself and can spend the whole day there. This week I am on day camp so I have tomorrow off and I will probably just chill at camp and do laundry and then will work Monday- Friday. I have looked at my campers and it's a mixed bag this week so we will see how it goes. I have Aidan again this week which will be fun but a couple of the other campers are hard work but I will do my best as always! Next weekend I am thinking of going to my favourite lake where they have local shops with nice Minnesota souvenirs and then just start getting ready to come home! I am so glad my summer has ended on a high but I am super excited to come home and see everyone and get back to normality. I need to look after myself for a change instead of the campers and forgetting about me. Hope all is well with everyone I will see you soon!