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silversunshine2012 · 6 years ago

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About Self Harm

For those who either want to help a friend/family member/etc who self harms and wants to stop, or if you yourself are trying to find ways to stop but don’t fully understand why or what helps or why you’re feeling this way or whatever. This is for you.

So. If you don’t know why some people with depression self harm, this, as someone with personal first hand experience, is the only way i know how to explain it

So there are a few different reasons but these three were always my main go-to’s when i was in that place.

Imagine you’re drowning. Or that you’re in a void. And in that void there is nothing put pain and fear and loneliness and the desperate need for sleep. But you can’t sleep. And even though good and bad things are going on around you, there’s a wall separating you from those things. So, you know you should feel happy or sad or angry or whatever, but you don’t. So.. Hey. Physical pain is better than nothing right? And for me it felt like an adrenaline rush. Or just.. All of the sudden there was something to feel that didn’t feel forced or fake for others’ sake. And it was addicting.

How i would describe this one to those that understand the feeling (usually trying to help and pin point what the feeling is so that i can help them not harm themselves) usually ends up being, “i feel like shit and yet i feel nothing which makes me feel worse because it also doesn't bc i /cant/ /fucking/ /feel/”

Another reason was that I felt like a failure. For me personally i never felt like i was punishing myself though. For me personally it always felt like an escape from my own mind badgering me over and over again about how pathetic and stupid and worthless and all those other things i was starting to believe i truly was.

This one I usually explain like this, “i'm a shit person i should just die in a hole.. *****.. you're my only friend..” (i sensor this for both our sakes, so that they can insert whatever they use to self harm instead of simply saying what i used primarily, and so that neither of us has to read a word that is a trigger for one or both of us)

The third reason, and this one became more prevalent as i began to actively try not to harm myself, was that as the scars began to fade (and to those of you who think they never will, most do. Yes there are deeper ones that may never completely disappear, but they do fade) I felt guilty about it. I felt guilty because I was trying to forget a person who so desperately just wanted to be seen, and remembered, and missed. I felt like I was betraying myself, my own trust. Like I was abandoning myself. Or even just that I felt that it was part of the new routine now. Or at least, that was what i told myself when I didn’t feel like getting too deep into it.

However, especially after i started actively fighting the urges, it was usually a weird amalgamation of all of those. (And as i write I’m realizing more and more little details about why like how when I felt guilty for not doing it, I felt like a shit person. And again. What was the go-to “friend” when i felt like a shit person? Exactly. Which of course made not wanting to anymore even harder, and just added to the whole dynamic and mess of emotions that didn’t even feel fully real anyway.)

So, what helped me the most, especially when it was one of those amalgamation ones, was to do an amalgamation of alternatives.

Depending on how dire the urge to feel or remember or see something physical and just have a little evidence of my past self, etc. If that urge was too strong to wait, I would change the order. But my go-to was usually this:

(for me 1 and 2 were interchangeable)

1. Distract yourself. Go on a walk outside, get some water, walk away and get out of your current surroundings, take a bath, go in the restroom and just splash some water on your face. You can craft or do something fun like reading or whatever. Just something to get your mind off of it and onto something better.

2. If you can, and you don’t want to distract yourself because it makes you feel worse for ignoring a problem you know is there and you don’t want to keep doing that because you know that just makes things worse when you’re trying to GET BETTER FFS. Then go to a quiet spot and just start writing. Write down everything you feel, that you think you should feel, like this is legit your time to be as existential as you want. All that existential crisis shit you do when you feel numb? Yeah. Do that. Write it all down and get inside your own head and just, get it out. Even if you don’t think you can write it how you want it? Just keep writing. Either until you think you understand it all a little better, or just feel better because you got it just.. OUT yknow? You aren’t going to share this with anyone so go ahead and write literally anything and everything. If you really /reeaally/ want, later you can show someone you trust if you think they will be able to help or you want them to understand things better.

a. Drawing also works. Just do something that gets out what you feel inside in some way.

3. If that doesn’t help, or you can’t do that because you have a limited amount of time to yourself at that exact moment and you physically can’t push it down any longer because you think you’ll explode in front of your friends, coworkers, boss, parents, etc.

a. Grab some ice and run it across where you would normally hurt yourself. It wont have the same warm buzzy burn or sharp sting or any of those, but it burns in its own way.

b. Grab some pens. Red works great, for obvious reasons, but blue and black also do too for different poetic reasons like blue for robot veins and black for the black that you always described your soul as only semi-jokingly or the void you’re trying to get out of but not leave the little kid behind still trapped there in the process. Pens are great because you can use different pressures and write words and all these other things. You can even trace your veins which not only helps but looks badass when you’re done

These usually helped me the most. No. This is not a fully comprehensive list of alternatives. If I can find one again I will link it in here somewhere.* However, I wanted to help and show that I understand and you’re not alone if you feel this way and things can get better. It’ll take some time and a lot of patience and work on your part and a lot of support from family, friends, and loved ones. But it can and will get better eventually.

And don’t feel like you can’t come to anyone. Trust me. I know how hard it is. Especially when you feel like you don’t want to drag them all down with you because you care about them too much to let them be swallowed up by the same abyss of fear and pain and tears that you’re in when they tried to save you and pull you out.

But listen to me for a sec, okay? Like really listen. If they truly care about you? They will be there. They may not know how to help. They may not know what you’re going through fully. But they will try their best to be there for you and try to get you help or just be an ear to listen. Let them help. Don’t be alone. Don’t choose to be alone. Get help. Surround yourself with the people who love you and care about you because I can Guarantee they exist. And if the people you love help you by helping you find a therapist, take your therapist’s advice seriously. Engage. Don’t just let this pass by. Everyone likely needs at least a little therapy, so take advantage of it. You’re not weird or brain damaged or crazy by being there. You’re admitting you need help. And that’s the first step to getting some.

And to those of you who want to help but don’t know how, just listen first. Please don’t judge. Don’t make them feel bad for coming to you, because it took a shit ton of courage for them to do so. Listen to them. Really listen. If you’re in a position to help them find a therapist or something, and maybe even help them pay for it, that’s great! And if you’re the one taking them home from therapy sessions? Don’t badger them until they tell you everything they told their therapist. That’s what a therapist is for. Don’t push them. They’ll tell you things when they’re ready, or maybe just not at all. And that’s okay. It’s nothing against you personally. But a therapist is trained and knows the brain and people in a way that can help far better than you can. Also, they don’t have to see this therapist outside of therapy, and if they do, they need to get another therapist or not see them outside of therapy. Because that can completely defeat the whole purpose.

And for those of you who can’t actually talk to anyone about this because of safety reasons or anything else like that. I’ll put a link to hotlines and chatrooms that can help for an immediate one-time help.

And remember. Asking for help does not make you useless or pathetic or stupid or needy or any of those things. You are trying to get better. Realizing that you’re having urges to self harm again and actively trying to fight it and fight the part of you that still wants to or says it’s easier. Is. Ficking. Huge. It’s an enormous step in the right direction. Towards healing. But urges come and go. Don't let the crazy bitch in the back of ur mind telling you getting help is bad or that this is who you are and it'll never change, win. Don't let them take part of you with them when they crawl back in that hole in ur mind where ur trying to bury them for good. Don’t let them take that kid that just wants to be seen and remembered down with them when they go back. Who you were and who you are are two totally different people. Yes they're the same in many ways. but they're different. child you, five year old you? you when you didn't know any better? you when you thought you were going to grow up to be a superhero? You before you found out your sexuality or gender or lack thereof? Yes. They were all you. But only were. Not are. Who you are now is the pieces from all those people you were that you choose to take with you

But don’t forget that while that bastard in your head you think of as a villain for now is buried, the malevolent being you tell to fuck off when those self deprecating thoughts come in, and the one you call your depression and all of that, they’re still in there. Even while they’re buried they’re still there. And they will come back out. But they come out to help both of you heal. They need healing too. And with time, and support and help and trust and love and patience and work. You both will slowly heal together, and someday you can even visit every once in a while to help those after you going through the same shit you went through. And you can know that what you went through wasn’t for nothing. Because you make sure of it.

Alternatives

Self

Harming

Suicide Prevention chat

More hotlines

More hotlines worldwide

Crisis as well as suicide hotlines

#important #alternatives to self harm #healthier alternatives #you're not alone #please spread this around #..this honestly took a lot of blood sweat and tears from my own life and just vomited it all on paper and now on the internet #i hope this helps #depression #self harm #basically this is my life story #..or at least a piece of it

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sincerely-us-imagines · 6 years ago

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i seriously cant think of a title someone pls help me out (jared kleinman x reader)

so like,,, months ago i got a request for Jared having a crush on the reader and finding out she self harms. I kind of? went a little in a different direction with this so i hope its still okay!! also it’s like a quarter til 3 in the morning and i have to be up at like 6 so i’m not proofing this rn. let me know if i made any mistakes!

warnings: the whole thing kind of centers around self harm so?? there’s that, angst, arguing (is that worth tagging?), and some no-no words

“Jeez, he used to be really hot.” you commented with raised eyebrows. “What year was this?” You reached for the DVD case and Jared scoffed.

“Ew oh my god, (y/n). You can’t be serious.”

“‘99.” you murmured to yourself. “Hm.”

“He’s not even, like-” Jared gestured dumbly at the TV screen.

“Aww, are you jealous, Jare Bear?” you cooed, pinching your friend’s cheeks.

He swatted your hands away.

“I’m not jealous,” he insisted, face pink, “Brendan Fraser just isn’t- and never was- attractive.”

“Whatever. I don’t care how straight you claim to be; there is no denying he was fine back then.” You stretched out on the couch, laying your legs across Jared’s lap.

He rolled his eyes at you and turned his attention back to the movie, absentmindedly tapping his fingers against your shins.

It was something he always did when you were together; tapping or rubbing or drumming or otherwise fidgeting with you. Sometimes he’d grab your fingers and play with them, or your hair, or even drawstrings on your hoodies or sweatpants. His hands were always moving. You didn’t mind, though. It helped him stay focused. Plus, if his hands were moving, the rest of him wasn’t.

About halfway through the movie his hands stilled. It was near midnight and you figured he had probably fallen asleep. You’d started to poke him with your foot before he began snoring through the good parts. When you looked at him, though, he was wide awake. His jaw was set and brows furrowed, with his eyes fixed on your upper thigh where your shorts had ridden up.

Fuck.

You tried to pull your leg away but he caught you by the ankle, holding you in place.

“What are those?” the usual bouncing, jovial quality was gone from his voice.

“Please don’t-”

“What the hell are those, (y/n)?”

“What the hell does it look like, Jared?!” You shouted, yanking your leg away and adjusting your shorts back over the marks. You pulled your knees up to your chest and looked off to the side, eyes stinging.

“(Y/n)...” Jared’s voice was softer this time. You didn’t look at him. He sighed and turned to kneel in front of you on the sofa.

“C’mon,” he grabbed both your hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles, “look at me. Please.”

Hesitantly, you turned to face him.

The second you saw his expression you broke down.

Why was he looking at you like that? Why did he look so personally hurt by this? Was he… crying?

“I’m sorry.” you mumbled into your knees.

“No, no.” Jared took his glasses off and wiped his eyes. “I just… I had no idea you…”

He gestured vaguely at your leg.

“You weren’t supposed to.” you sniffled.

“Why not?” He countered.

“What do you mean ‘why not’? Because it isn’t your problem.”

“Sure it is. You’re my problem, so this is too.” he scooted beside you and draped one arm over your shoulder. A small smile stretched across your lips as you leaned your head against his shoulder.

“So, um,” Jared cleared his throat. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Do you?”

“I, uh… If it makes you uncomfortable we don’t have to, I just, I have a question about it?”

“Shoot.” you tried to keep your voice even.

“How long have you been, um, doing it?”

That wasn’t quite what you were expecting.

“I don’t know. A few years? Since before we met.”

“So I didn’t… miss anything?”

You shook your head.

“Same as I’ve always been.”

He was silent for a few moments before speaking again.

“Why?” his voice was small.

“Why?” you laughed, running a hand through your hair. “What, do you want a list or something? ‘Cause that could take a while.” Jared didn’t say anything to that. You deflated a little.

“I dunno,” you tried again. “It just helps, I guess. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just kinda like, everything gets so overwhelming at it seems like too much, and then when I… do that,” for some reason you felt uncomfortable saying what ‘that’ was. “It’s like a floodgate being opened. Everything pent up inside comes rushing out and it’s just this huge relief. It’s… nice.” You were embarrassed to admit that it wasn’t something you hated doing. “It’s like I can literally watch my problems go down the drain.”

“We’ll find something else.” Jared said confidently. “Something that’ll work even better. Something... safe.”

“Jared,” you sighed, “That’s really sweet but I-I don’t think I want to stop.”

“I don’t care.”

It was a simple statement.

“What?”

“I don’t care if you want to stop or not. I’m not going to let you keep doing this to yourself.”

That made you angry. You knew it shouldn’t. You knew you should be touched that he was so set on trying to help, but you just… weren’t.

“No offence, Jared, but you can’t control what I do. It’s my fucking body and if I want to-”

“I’ll tell your mom.” He pulled away to look at you.

“I swear to god if you do I’ll never forgive you.” you threatened.

“I’d rather you hate me and be safe than love me and be a danger to yourself.”

Another thing that you should’ve thought was sweet, but in reality just grated on your nerves.

“Jesus Christ, Jared, it’s none of your business what I do.” you shoved him back, crossing your arms over your chest.

“It is my business. Anything that’s hurting you is my business.”

“Fuck off.” you roll your eyes.

“What’s your fucking damage? Why are you so pissed off that I care about you?”

“Because you’re being really god damn obnoxious about this, inserting yourself into something that doesn’t concern you.”

“It does concern me, (y/n), because I don’t want you hurt. I want to protect you.”

“Oh, how fucking noble of you.” you laugh humorlessly, standing up.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.” you snatch your bag and keys off the table by the door.

“(Y/n), I--”

“Tell my mom if you want to, Jared. Go ahead! Fuck up my life even more than it already is!”

“Wait, seriously, just--”

You stormed outside towards your car, slamming the door behind you. Jared followed you, halfway through his yard when you tore off through the empty streets of his neighborhood, leaving him standing in the wet grass calling after you,

______

You passed the turn down your street, going about ten miles over the speed limit and grinding your teeth. If Jared did decide to call and tattle to your mom, you didn’t want to be home when it happened.

You took one hand off the steering wheel to dig through your bag in the passenger's seat and grab your phone. You fumbled trying to unlock it for a few seconds, eyes darting from screen to road and back again, until you pulled up your contact list. You found the number you were looking for and hit “call”, taking a few deep breaths.

“Hello?”

“Hey, can I-- I’m sorry for calling so late I just…”

“Is everything okay? I thought you were hanging out with Jared tonight?”

“I was, but then… c-can I just stay over at your place tonight? I don’t want to go home.”

“Sure, yeah. I’ll unlock the door, just let yourself in.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry again I--”

“Hey. It’s okay. Quit apologizing.”

“Okay. S-... I’ll be there soon.”

“Right. See you in a bit.”

You powered off your phone after that. You didn’t want to deal with Jared or your mom, if he really did follow through with his threat.

_________

You pulled up at Murphy house and physically restrained yourself from slamming the car door. You didn’t want his neighbor’s dog to start barking and wake everyone up.

“Hey.” you said quietly, slipping into Connor’s bedroom. “Thanks for letting me come over.”

“‘S fine.” he was sitting in the floor, drinking black coffee from a “World’s Best Mom” mug. He pointed on his desk to a mug covered in pictures of kittens. “Three sugars and half cream.”

You smiled, picking up the mug and sitting down beside him.

The two of you sat in silence for several minutes, sipping your coffee, until Connor finally broke the silence.

“So what happened?”

You sighed, setting your drink down on the floor beside you.

“Jared found out.”

“Found out what?”

“That I… y’know.” you gestured to your thigh.

“Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah.” you nodded.

“What did he say?”

You gave him a recap of the conversation, grabbing your (now cold) coffee to swallow down the lump in your throat as you did so.

“I mean, I know he’s my friend, but that was like, a total overreaction. I don’t get why he was being so… dramatic.” you shook your head, taking a sip from the mug.

“Uh, because he’s totally in love with you?” Connor said, as if it was obvious.

You sputtered, nearly choking on your mouthful of coffee.

“What?!” you coughed, whipping your head around to look at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know.” he looked almost… amused.

“No, I don’t know. Because it isn’t true. He isn’t… he doesn’t…” you shook your head. “What even makes you think that?” you tried to ignore the burning sensation in your cheeks.

“Literally everyone knows. It’s so obvious. Like, painfully so.”

“I…” you didn’t know what to say. “Are you high right now?”

Connor narrowed his eyes at your accusation.

“No.”

“So you’re just delusional, then?”

“Seriously? I don’t know if you’re blind or just stupid.”

“Can we not do this right now?” you groaned, dropping your head into your hands. “I’m kind of freaking out about whether or not he told my mom.”

Connor nodded and dropped the subject, offering a distraction instead.

_________

It was a little past 2 a.m. and you were curled up in the crook of Connor’s arm, four episodes into an X-Files binge when the coffee wore off.

You were off to his left, snoring softly, when he closed the laptop and grabbed his phone off the charger on his bedside table. He was going to turn off his alarm, figuring you’d want to sleep late after the night you’d had.

“Shit,” he whispered to himself, looking at the screen. There were twenty-seven missed calls and thirty-five progressively panicked texts from Jared, asking if he’d heard from you.

Connor slipped out from under the blankets and tip-toed out to the hallway to call him back.

“Hello?” Jared picked up on the first ring.

“She’s with me,” Connor told him, peeking back through the doorway at your sleeping figure. “fell asleep a little while ago.”

“Oh thank god.” Jared let out a shaky breath. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. Just freaked out.”

“I didn’t mean to upset her. I wasn’t thinking and I didn’t know what else to say and I fucked up and I’m just...”

“Worried because you’re completely love with her?”

The other end of the line was completely silent for a solid minute.

“Is it really that obvious?” he sounded almost defeated.

“To everyone but her, apparently.”

“Wait, what’s that supposed mean?”

“That she didn’t believe me when I told her.”

“You did what?!” Jared shrieked, causing Connor to pull the phone away from his ear, wincing. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that?”

“Because I was fixing your fuck up, so maybe you should thank me for it instead of shattering my eardrum.” Connor growled. “Maybe if you’d told her earlier I wouldn’t have had to.”

Jared was quiet for a moment.

“What did she say?”

“Like I said, she didn’t believe me. Which means you still have the chance to tell her yourself. Which you should probably do like, soon, because she’s currently asleep in my bed wearing my clothes and, until about five minutes ago, drooling on my chest.”

“What the fuck, Connor?” he could practically hear how red Jared’s face was.

“I’m just saying.” Connor smirked. “For real though, you need to talk to her.”

“I… I will.” Jared said, sounding apprehensive. “And thanks, by the way. For taking care of her, I mean. And for the advice. It… it means a lot.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t do it for you. She’s my friend and I care about her, so just… don’t flatter yourself.”

Jared usually would’ve had some kind of cocky comeback, but not tonight.

“Right, right. But still, um, thanks. I’ll call her tomorrow, I guess?”

“Good, yeah.”

An awkward silence filled the line.

“Well I guess, uh, I guess I’m gonna go to bed then.”

“Great. Me too. Just gonna go snuggle up with (y/n) and hold her in my big, strong arms.”

“You’ve got arms like Gumby, Murphy.” Jared quipped.

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck you too, Kleinman.”

Jared let out a breathy laugh.

“Goodnight, Connor.”

And with that, the call ended and Connor snuck back into his room and slid under the covers beside you. You stirred in your sleep, mumbling something about bees. Connor made sure his phone was off and leaned back against the pillows, closing his eyes and dozing off to sleep.

#jared kleinman imagine #jared kleinman x reader #jared kleinman #dear evan hansen imagine #dear evan hansen #deh imagine #connor murphy #connor murphy imagine #self harm tw #tw

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sabrinaleethings · 6 years ago

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Writer’s Block: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Howdy internet!

I haven’t always been a writer, in fact only within the past few years I’ve started doubling down and taking writing seriously.

I went to college for illustration back in 2015, and it was then I hit my first mental block when it came to artistic inspiration. It sucked! I remember distinctly two separate pieces I had to do where I couldn’t for the life of me get the pencil on my sketchbook, and ended up handing in my assignments late because I couldn’t for the life of me get through whatever artistic block I was struck in.

That leads me to now- artist block and writers block varies from person to person. Sometimes mental health issues like depression or anxiety causes people to avoid writing (or drawing etc.) - and sometimes make it physically impossible get anything done. If you know that this is one of the main factors in keeping you from doing what you want to do, please talk to someone! Seek help from someone you trust, whether it be a friend, your family, or even a doctor!

Now, if there’s more to your story (pun fully intended) and somehow you’re finding yourself stuck in the middle of a scene or a random dialogue, or terrified to write very beginning of your piece, I’ve got a few tips and tricks I use to bust through the mental wall and create some kick-ass products!

Let’s do this!

Let’s Start at the Beginning, shall we?

So, before you’ve even started anything. Let’s say your given a task or you have the itch to write- you know the one where your hands are BEGGING you to type something, or write something, but you just....can’t?

Happens to me all the freaking time. Here’s what I do:

If I sit down somewhere to type or write and my mind is like a huge bowl of pudding, I move my booty.

Sometimes changing your work space, or even the physical location of your body can clear up some of the gunk in your brain.

Instead of sitting in your bed (like I usually do) move to your desk, take a notebook outside on your porch, sit on the couch (with the TV turned off), go to your local library or bookstore, become a hermit in a cafe somewhere- you’d be surprised at how well this works!

Skim through some of your favorite books for inspiration

This gets your brain moving in a “writers” kind-of way!

I like to flip through my Maggie Stiefvater books and read random scenes, or (my favorite) read some poetry (My go-to being “Our Numbered Days” by Neil Hilborn)

Check out some art or fanart from your favorite fandoms or artists!

Now, don’t let this be your excuse to procrastinate and get stuck on tumblr for hours on end (*cough cough* @me)

The key here is to yes, scroll through tumblr artists, instagram drawings, or even your favorite art book, BUT while doing this, let your mind wander. Imagine your own scenes or scenarios in your head while you do so-you’d be surprised how easy it is to clear the clutter in your head when you let yourself zone out and relax!

Now, the ugly sorta trick that I do sometimes (even though it’s gonna sound awful).

Just do it. *Insert Shia LaBeouf*

Put your hand to the paper, put your fingers on the keys, turn on your audio recording device and just bullshit something.

If I’m sitting at my computer with severe mental block about a scene I’m writing, and I can’t seem to break the funk, I just start typing something. Alot of the time it’s a “what would happen if...” and I write it. Usually it begins like a rusty machine, rough and crappy, but once you get your fingers moving and your thoughts begin to just lay themselves down on the paper or on the screen, most of the time your good to go and the mental block is gonzo!

White Space Anxiety

Whatchu talking about, Sabrina? Wellllll have you ever got a new notebook and you just, cant wait to start writing something in it, but suddenly nothing seems worthy to be written down? Have you ever opened a new word or google docs document and suddenly your fingers forgot how to word?

Lots of peeps, (me included) suffer from this type of writer’s anxiety and it prevents us from actually writing anything- total writer’s block!

Whelp let me help with what I’ve found that works:

Skip the first page!

If you got yourself a fancy new leather bound, engraved, blessed journal, or a fresh new staple’s notebook with the fancy cloth cover, just flip past the first page (the one where a bookplate or “title page” would go-) and start from page 2 or on.(If you’re super desperate like me, start five or six pages in!) By doing so, you’re tricking your brain that you’ve already written in said journal and most of the anxiety about making things “perfect” go away!

If your typing on a document, turn the font to like, a hundred!

I sometimes do this if I feel I keep focusing on the quantity of words I’m able to pump out on the first page, rather than what I should be writing.

By super pumping up that font size, you’ll fill the first few pages faster and almost immediately, and the happy hormones in your brain are gonna be like, “yes! you’re writing, good job-keep going!”

Once you’ve written like six or seven pages (maybe more depending if you went for the 150 pt font) reset the size back to normal when you feel like stopping or you feel like you’re on a roll, and voila! You’re on your way to a productive (and self-satisfying) day!

Okay, now that you’ve gotten at least something written and you find yourself in the middle of an idea or scene and suddenly ... dun dun dun You’re mind is drawing a blank. Writer’s block has fully set itself inside your noggin right in the middle of all your hard work, what do you do now!?

Writer’s Block Right in the Dang Middle

It sucks, and it happens.

Sometimes if you’ve been working a lot, and you’re not realizing how exhausted your mind actually is - it can feel like it turns off sometimes.

If you don’t have a strict deadline, and you’ve gotten a bunch done, sometimes taking a break is what you need. It sucks, because I know how much you want to write, but your mental health comes first and you deserve a break too!

Whether you just take a walk, or go grab some wine or juice, give your brain a break!

Do something other than writing- go stimulate other parts of your brain, come back, and see the difference!

Along the same line, if you do indeed have a deadline sneaking up on you and you’ve got yourself a bunch more to do but get stuck, try these things:

Take a short break.

Short meaning don’t spend hours and the rest of your day/night trolling through the internet or lose yourself neck deep in conspiracy theories on YouTube (I feel personally attacked here)

Save your work, get up from your spot, and leave the room if possible.

Leaving your room and physically moving your body, gets your blood pumping again and wakes you up subconsciously and that alone can help!

Drink water. H2O. Agua.

Sometimes, after I’ve been typing for what feels like forever, I don’t realize how much time passes, and suddenly realizes it’s been four hours and I haven’t had anything to eat/drink.

It’s easy to get dehydrated and as living beings on this place called Earth, we need water. Sometimes drinking a big glass of ice-cold refreshing water is just what your body needs to do its job! (Did I make you thirst? Good, drink some water! Take care of yourself!)

If you’re in the middle of a scene and can’t physically put into words what happens next:

Skip the scene!

Don’t stress yourself too badly on it if it’s not coming to you naturally. Move on to the next part in your piece, and start with a fresh idea! (You can always go back after, and finish/include the part you skipped!)

Re-read the last couple paragraphs you’ve written, and change up the last couple sentences (sometimes even paragraphs). Completely re-write them, or get rid of em!

Sometimes a writer’s block in the middle of the scene can quite possibly be your own novel or piece’s way of telling you that you’ve dug yourself into a little bit of a ditch and now you have to climb out of it. Meaning the way you’ve ended things in the previous sentences, don’t allow for a good, fluid transition into the next part of the scene.

Totally re-write the scene or idea that your working on!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve deleted entire pages of crap that I could not continue to write, because I kept getting stuck.

Sometimes after fleshing out a scene or idea so perfectly, things become stale and unable to be continued simply because there’s something, some element or transitioning, just doesn’t work. Taking a great big hypothetical rubber eraser and getting rid of everything might just be the way to go!

More simple things to do if you find yourself with a writer’s block in the middle of your piece

Plan out what you’re going to write.

If you’re a ‘pantser’ (someone who writes without any, or very minimal planning beforehand) sometimes you need to plan your next moves - not only will it allow you to better flesh out your plot, but it can show you possible plot holes that you’re stuck in at the moment. It can also give you a very specific direction to move in if you know what happens next.

Change the music you’re listening to/ put on some tunes if your not!

Google “inspirational quotes for writers” ... trust me on this one.

Go make some food... and then come back quickly after!

*Make sure it isn’t a super carb-heavy or ‘thick’ food- you don’t wanna be sleepy afterwards!

And along with the previous point-brew some coffee or tea!

Curse. Heavily. Outloud.

Of course this all depends where you’re located.

And if you can’t curse, or don’t like to, sing loudly to yourself or yell random things out loud!

Ideas include: “Let it go, LET IT GO...” “I will write this fudgning piece of doo doo even if it kills me! You got this, you lovely, talented writer, JUST DO IT.”

In conclusion to this super long, probably-never-will-be-read-post- writer’s block happens, and it is something that can be overcome if you allow yourself to try something different!

Holy guacamole that was a long one- sorry about that.

Anything I’m missing? What have you tried that has actually worked? Let me know!

2 notes · View notes

seriestrash · 7 years ago

Text

The Story of Us

PROLOGUE || 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

Chapter Eleven: Tightrope Dreamer

Word Count: 6779

✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮

“Be down in a second!” Mabel calls out to Thomas followed by a squeak directed at Riley.

“Meow.” Riley giggles softly, referencing a previous ‘scaredy cat’ comment Mabel made about herself.

Mabel stands by Riley’s bed completely frozen.

“Go on then.” Riley giggles as she gives Mabel a gentle shove. “He’s waiting.”

“Come with me?” Mabel asks hopefully.

“I can’t come with you.” Riley’s soft laughter continues.

Eventually, Mabel does make her way downstairs and opens Jed’s front door. She jumps a little in place when she finds Thomas standing directly on the other side of it.

“Sorry.” He chuckles quietly with a gaze pointed at the ground. He looks up slowly, focussing mainly on her clothes. “Are you in pyjamas?”

“Riley’s pyjamas.” Mabel nods and self consciously folds her arms tightly across her chest, knowing she probably looked ridiculous in sleepwear with the shoes she threw on before coming outside.

“Of course.” Thomas nods as if he needed to provide an answer for what she said. “Are you okay to walk or would you prefer to sit?” Thomas motions to the porch steps.

“Walk.” Mabel says quickly after deducting that it would be the less awkward of options. “We can walk...”

The two begin their strides down the street. Mabel is approximately a metre away from Thomas. A safe and comfortable distance for the redhead but also not too far away that it would raise suspicion with Thomas. Or so Mabel hoped.

“Nice night.” Thomas clears his throat and finally speaks up.

“It’s a comfortable temperature.” Mabel nods but internally she’s cringing at her awkwardness.

“This is weird, isn’t it?” Thomas chuckles nervously after a moment of silence.

“Most social situations are for me.” Mabel’s smile is pained.

“How is it that you’re braver on your own than you are with other people?” Thomas questions. After he sees the change of expression on Mabel’s face he quickly apologises. “That wasn’t supposed to sound so insulting...”

“Being alone is comfortable for me.” Mabel offers up a simple one shoulder shrug. “This right now is my own personal equivalent of riding Tombstone.”

Thomas smiles at the comparison. “So you’re nervous too?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Mabel exaggerates a cheesy smile. She may be dying of nerves on the inside but at least she was remembering to breathe and respond verbally. She had come so far from when they first sat together at lunch.

“This doesn’t have to be weird.” Thomas shakes his arms and legs as he walks as if he could rid himself of the awkwardness with the silly motion. “Now it’s not weird.” He exhales loudly and turns to Mabel with a smile.

“Sure. It’s not weird at all anymore.” Mabel laughs softly, jokingly affirming his shaking brushed off all the strange tension.

“You’re a nonbeliever.” Thomas smirks. Mabel has to turn her attention back towards the road ahead of them. “Come on. We’ve done this before.”

“Done what before?” Mabel knits her brows.

“Walked home.” Thomas states. “Last weekend, after Chubbie’s.”

“Did you not pick up on an awkwardness then?” Mabel coaxes her head.

“No?” Thomas squints a little. “We talked the whole way back.”

“You talked.” Mabel says. “Does this look familiar?” Mabel turns to him with a small and sweet smile as she nods continuously.

Thomas scratches his head and thinks back to the previous weekend. As it starts to come back to him, he crinkles his nose in disgust. “Did I totally over compensate and just ramble on about complete crap?”

Mabel’s small and sweet smile returns and she nods like before. Thomas chuckles at her making fun of him and he playfully scolds her. “That was just me implementing my advanced knowledge of non weird social interactions.” Thomas shakes his limbs again.

“Alright,” Mabel says feeling more comfortable now. “Teach me your socially confident ways.”

“Well you could start by walking beside me.” Thomas looks down at the space between them.

“I am beside you.” Mabel states.

“No, you’re practically on the other side of the road.” Thomas jokes.

“Okay. Step one: disregard a comfortable amount of personal space.” Mabel says. It takes Thomas a moment to realise she was only jokingly making his ‘advice’ sound offensive but once he spots her soft smile he picks up on a better understanding of the game they’re playing. Dramatically, Thomas side steps closer to Mabel.

“Now we look like two normal teenagers.” Thomas jokes.

“Ah, normal. All I’ve ever aspired to be.” Mabel is playfully sarcastic.

“Another helpful tip is to maybe not run away from people when they’re trying to talk to you...” Thomas grows sheepish again as he tries to segway into the main reason he wanted to chat.

“I didn’t run.” Mabel shakes her head. “I just walked quickly in a direction you weren't...”

“Oh well if that’s the case then I let my emotions get bruised for nothing.” Thomas returns to his lighthearted banter.

“Bruised?” Mabel stutters through her laughter.

“How come you walked away quickly?” Thomas only half laughs in attempt to mask his increasing nerves. “Was it something I said?”

“Well... I just felt like the conversation was going somewhere so I decided to go somewhere else.” Mabel says simply.

Thomas pokes at his chest around where his heart would be. He fakes a light wince. “Yep. Still tender from that bruise.”

Mabel rolls her eyes with a soft laugh. How is it she was so scared of Thomas when he’s actually just a big dork? “I thought you were going to say something that couldn’t be unsaid.”

“You a mind reader or something?” Thomas jokes.

“Maybe.” Mabel says more seriously than she actually meant it.

“Okay, so lets say what you think I was going to say is what I was actually going to say..” Even Thomas finds it difficult to keep up with himself. “What’s so bad about it being said?”

“The part where it changes everything.” Mabel says dramatically as they stop just shy of her front porch.

“What if it’s a good kind of change?” Thomas questions.

“Too risky.” Mabel shakes her head.

“But you still agreed to come down from Riley’s room and talk to me.” Thomas highlights. “Does this mean you’re open to hearing it aloud?”

“Riley suggested I broach the subject of ‘why?’ but now I think it’s a good idea we just go back to the whole smiling and nodding thing.”

“Why?” Thomas is confused. “Why what?”

“Maybe I did grossly misjudge the situation...” Mabel frowns with an embarrassment creeping to the forefront.

“If you thought anything other than me admitting my feelings for you then yes, you got it wrong.” Thomas finally says. He couldn’t beat around the bush any longer.

Mabel’s eyes widen and she slaps a hand over each ear and shakes her head. Thomas gently pulls her arms back down. “Maybe we should sit down and talk now?” Thomas motions to the steps and Mabel is back to silently nodding. She sits first and this time it’s Thomas who puts the distance between them. The teen sits on the top step with his back pressed firmly against the edge of the white rails lining the porch. Mabel fiddles nervously with her fingers as she waits for him to speak.

“Suddenly it’s weird again...” Thomas’ laugh sounds forced and full of nerves.

“Why now?” Mabel blurts out. “That’s a stupid question. I know why now. I mean, I’ve lived in the same tiny town as you for my whole life. Of course I know why you suddenly see me-”

“What are you talking about?” Thomas cuts in.

“I’ve already let my insecurities ruin one great friendship in my life. I cant let those same negative feelings destroy something else.” Mabel shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I won’t.”

“Mabel, I’m not following... At all..” Thomas begs for an explanation.

“Riley.” Mabel stresses. “She is helping me so much with my confidence and I know it’s only been a short amount of time but I already value her friendship so much. I can’t risk tainting that.”

“I like Riley too but what does she have to do with you and me?” Thomas questions.

“You didn’t even know I existed until she showed up.” Mabel lets out a very frustrated breath.

“You really believe that?” Thomas scoffs.

“Yes and I can’t let that thought grow into jealously or some other ugly emotion towards Riley.” Mabel shakes her head again. “I can handle making friends through her, that, I welcome but to think that we started something because of an initial interest you had in Riley- No. Nope. No thank you.”

“You think I like- or liked- Riley?” Thomas looks shocked but a hearty laughter builds.

Mabel frowns, she didn’t enjoy being laughed at especially with such a sensitive topic lingering. “Your interest in her was clear right from her second day at school...”

“I’m sorry.” Thomas clears his throat in an attempt to seize his laughter. “You could not have misread that situation more.”

“Oh really?” Mabel’s frown remains as she folds her arms.

“Promise this will stay between us?” Thomas edges forward slightly.

Mabel gives him a tiny nod.

“Lucas has been fairly... How should I put it... Interested?” Thomas looks all over the place as he speaks. “..In Riley since.. Well.. before she even started at Hillford High.”

“Before?” Mabel’s voice picks up a pitch. It sounded like some stalker situation.

“Riley arrived sometime on the weekend before she started school. Lucas spotted her on the balcony.. and later he mentioned something about her in the yard?” Thomas is fuzzy on exact details. “Anyway, so Lucas had mentioned her to Tris and I already. Then come her first day at school we finally got to see her but when we brought Riley up to Lucas he seemed super weird... Which we later found out was because he accidentally called her a snob..” Thomas takes a moment to laugh. “So Tristan and I basically concluded that Lucas was interested in Riley but since he plays Mr. Cool Guy about everything me and my brother decided to insert ourselves into the situation. So whilst I was showing an interest in Riley, Tris was trying to gauge Lucas’ reactions.”

Mabel furrows her brows and ponders it for a moment. It all sounded pretty ridiculous to her but she knew she couldn’t judge because her and Riley had done similar scheme like things when it came to Thomas. “I think things would be a lot easier if we all just said how we really felt...” Mabel mumbles her thought out loud.

“Kinda what I’m trying to do here.” Thomas says quietly.

“Right.” Mabel giggles softly but her nerves are still present.

“I don’t know what’s worse... The fact that you believe I’m so self involved that I don’t notice people other than my inner circle... Or the fact that you believe you could be overlooked.” Thomas holds Mabel’s gaze. “Now I know we haven’t been best friends or anything but I certainly know who you are.”

Mabel remains quiet, she lowers her gaze into her lap. The whole conversation was making her brain go into overdrive. She didn’t know how to process things quick enough to show emotion.

“What feels like the end is often the beginning...” Thomas says.

Mabel snaps her head up and gives him a quizzical look. “What did you just say?”

“I take it you remember the poem you wrote for your dad..” Thomas grows softer with his approach.

Of course Mabel remembers. It was her first day back at school after her father passed. She brought a poem she wrote for him with the intentions of reading it in front of the whole class but a sad Mabel panicked and ran from the room, throwing the poem in the trash on the way out. That was the beginning of her severe social anxiety. ‘What feels like the end is often the beginning’ was the last line. Something her father told her right before he passed.

“Since no one ever heard that poem aloud you’re either a mind reader or...”

“The person that put it back in your desk?” Thomas finishes her sentence.

“That was you?” Mabel pulls nervously at her bottom lip.

Thomas wears a small but warm smile. “Sorry I didn’t ask you if it was alright to write a short story about him.”

“You would have written about him?” Mabel is quiet and Thomas nods softly. “The tree. I’ve always wondered about the tree.” Mabel is referring to the hand drawn tree that was left on the side of the page, with leafy branches cascading over the poem. A pretty drawing that wasn’t there before the poem showed up in her desk.

Thomas laughs silently. “Do you remember our class field trip to the botanical gardens in the third grade?” He asks.

“Zay got in trouble for picking flowers to give to Vanessa.” Mabel smiles at the memory.

Thomas curls the corner of his mouth upwards too. “We were all supposed to choose a flower we saw and do some sort of report on it. ”

“Of course..” Mabel smiles to herself. “I picked a tree from across the street.”

“You told Ms. Allner you much preferred the trees.” Thomas grins.

“I can’t believe you remember that.” Mabel coaxes her head.

“I told you.” Thomas wears a crooked smile, “It’s insulting to us both if you think you could be overlooked.”

A silence falls upon the two smiley teens. This one more comfortable than awkward. “So what now?” Thomas finally asks.

“We could practice those steps again?” Mabel suggests bravely.

Thomas looks confused for a second but when Mabel dramatically slides across the step, shortening the distance between them, Thomas catches on and grins.

“Now we look like two normal teenagers.” Mabel smirks.

“Cool.” Thomas chuckles through the word as he holds her gaze.

✮ ✮ ✮

Riley wakes up the following morning feeling revitalised after a good nights sleep. The New Yorker sits up and looks around her room sleepily. She notices Mabel’s neatly folded clothes on top of Riley’s dresser and suddenly a vision of a nervous Mabel in borrowed sweats and a t-shirt, fumbling to slip on her boots and meet Thomas out front, flows into Riley’s mind. It takes a moment but suddenly it clicks with Riley that Mabel herself was no where to be seen.

Still partially groggy, Riley trots downstairs in search of her friend. Instead of Mabel, Riley finds Jedediah sitting at the dining table reading the newspaper.

“Good morning.” He greets her pleasantly without lifting his gaze from the article he was reading.

“Morning.” Riley says softly. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen Mabel this morning have you?”

Jed looks up with a confused expression. “Never mind.” Riley shakes her head with a smile. She figures Thomas must have walked her home after they spoke. Riley slips in the seat across from Jed and reaches forward into the fruit bowl and settles back into place with a bite of an apple.

Jed puts down his paper and gives his attention to Riley. The old man asks her about the rodeo and all that came afterwards. Happily, Riley engages with him, not sparing a single detail about Lucas’ event. During her excited ramble, Riley called Jed ‘grandpa’ at least three times making him smile a little more each time.

“Anyway...” Riley lets her nervous laughter taper off after her ramble. “Do you want to hang out today?”

“Hang out?” Jed asks like a confused old man and it makes Riley chuckle.

“Yeah.” Riley smiles. “We can go into town, you can show me some of the places you went with grandma? A memory lane tour of sorts.”

“Alright, sure.” Jed nods with a grin.

“Yay.” Riley claps her hands excitedly. “I’m going to get ready.” With that she tosses the remainder of her apple in the bin and races upstairs to get changed.

Riley’s first stop was the bathroom where she brushes her teeth and inspects her face for blemishes. Her complexion is relatively clear other than the small bags under her eyes even despite her goods night sleep.

Riley tugs at a clump of her brunette locks, knowing she should wash it but decides to put it off until that evening. She didn’t want to keep Jed waiting too long. To compensate the ready to be washed hair, Riley takes a section and pulls it into a half up, half down do, with a few of her shorter bits left out at the front to frame her face.

Quickly, Riley changes into a comfy but pretty floral print sun dress. One Topanga purchased for Riley over a year ago but never actually wore before. Then she scoops up the denim vest her mom sent over in the big package, another item Topanga bought her but this was something Riley loved back in middle school. Riley would wear it with everything. With a smile, Riley slips her arms into it. After lacing up a pair of white Chuck Taylor’s, Riley does a little spin and watches as her dress moves around her.

“Riley?” Jed calls loudly from downstairs.

“Coming!” Riley stops her spinning and shouts back. “I wasn’t taking that long was I?” Riley giggles as she bounces down the stairs. She’s only halfway down when she spots Lucas standing by Jedediah. Before the brunette could question it, Jed cuts in with an awestruck expression on his face. “Riley, you look... just like your mom.”

“Said nobody ever.” Riley giggles nervously and points her smile downwards. “Lucas, what are you doing here?” She quickly tries to shift focus.

“I thought we could hang out today.” Lucas smiles.

“Oh, I made plans with Jed...” Riley shifts awkwardly.

“I already told Lucas he can have you for the day.” Jed smiles.

“Do I get a say?” Riley folds her arms and pretends like it bothers her.

“ ’Fraid not,” Lucas smirks.

“Guess I’m hanging out with Lucas then.” Riley gives her grandpa a funny look.

“Have her back by dinner please,” Jed turns to Lucas. “It is a school night after all.”

“Yes Sir.” Lucas nods.

The pair head out the front door and begin walking down the street.

“Have you heard from Thomas or Mabel?” Riley questions, sure she wanted to know what they were doing today but Mabel was on her mind. “I texted Mabel whilst I was getting ready this morning and her response was ‘tomorrow’ with a bunch of excitable emojis.”

“Thomas texted me late last night to say they’re going on a date today.” Lucas says.

Riley’s face lights up with excitement. “He used the word date specifically?”

“Yes.” Lucas laughs at her excitement. “He’s probably taking her to the movies.”

“Hillford Creek has a movie theatre?” Riley raises a brow.

“It’s just a room with a small projector screen and about fifteen fold up chairs.” Lucas laughs.

“Sounds fancy.” Riley jokes.

“Yeah.. I’m pretty sure our ban expired over the past summer so that would be my best guess as to where he’s taking her:”

“Your ban?” Riley questions.

Lucas looks guilty for a moment but explains. “Me and the twins were seeing something and might have been a little too loud. We got banned for a few months”

“Here I was thinking your reputation as ‘the rat pack’ seemed ill-fitting.” Riley jokes.

“Just another thing the town exaggerates.” Lucas shrugs with a laugh.

“Speaking of the rat pack.. Where are the rest of them?” Riley asks. “I figured it being Zay’s last day and all, you’d all have some sort of plans.”

“We’re having a big family dinner tonight. Jacob’s going home tomorrow too.” Lucas explains. “But right now, Thomas is of course with Mabel, Zay and Vanessa are opening old wounds and Tristan is sneaking around with whatever guy he doesn’t want us all to know about yet.”

Riley tries her best not to react to Lucas’ comment about Tristan. The last thing she wanted was to spill his secrets. “So.” Riley pauses. “All our friends are on various romantic endeavours and naturally you thought we should spend the day together?” Riley coaxes her head momentarily as they walk.

“Mhmm.” Lucas nods simply with a smile but his brows knit together and he quickly adds. “In a friendly way.”

“Okay dokay then.” Riley giggles and adds a small skip to her step. “Where are we going today?”

“It’s a surprise.” Lucas says.

“Oh not this again.” Riley chuckles. “The last time you dragged me out of the house we went traipsing through the woods.”

“And that turned out to be a good surprise didn’t it?” Lucas gives her a look to communicate ‘you know I’m right’.

“Fine.” Riley purses her lips. “No more complaints from me.”

The two continue walking down the dirt road until Lucas veers off at his Pappy Joe’s farm. Riley wears a dubious look as she asks, “You know taking me somewhere I’ve already been before doesn’t count as a surprise?”

“It’s not so much the where but the what.” Lucas is a few steps ahead of Riley. She follows in a literal sense but not so much with what he’s saying. “And I’m not taking you back to the inn if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Instead of questioning him further, Riley jogs to catch up. Now beside each other Lucas leads Riley towards the hub of Joe’s farm rather than through it like they would if they were going to the abandoned inn. An excitement building inside Riley although she tries to play it off as nonchalant.

“Now would be the time you start guessing or at least pressing for answers again.” Lucas laughs.

“Farm animals?” Riley tries to act like she’s not that excited.

“Yep.”

“Yay.” Riley giggle whispers to herself.

Lucas throws open the big barn doors and Riley jumps back when a number of chickens cluck and pile out.

“Are they allowed out?” Riley hides behind Lucas.

“They’ll come back for food later.” Lucas cant help but laugh at Riley’s fear.

Riley straightens out her stance once she realises the chickens weren’t all too interested in her. But as Riley goofily followed them around one turned on her quickly and chased the brunette around the barn as she squealed nervously. Lucas is left in hysteric laughter. Once Riley eventually ditches the clucky bird she cowers behind Lucas again. “Okay, maybe we should move on.”

The two then move onto the various pens between the stables and the barn. Riley completely muddies up her converse shoes as she plays with the little piglets in the pen. She also spends time with a goat and a little lamb. Pappy Joe only has a few farm friendly animals as his farm wasn’t reliant on meat, it was the vegetables and eggs that Joseph and Cassidy dealt in at the markets which made Riley really happy to think that she wasn’t playing with someones dinner. The animals he did keep were a personal preference.

“You hungry?” Lucas checks the watch on his wrist. Riley playing around with the animals went on for longer than he expected. It was now past midday.

“I could definitely eat.” Riley nods, all she’d eaten was an apple.

The two enter Pappy Joe’s home. He’s out for the day as he spends most Sunday’s at the market and then running his errands. Riley sits on a wooden stool by the kitchen counter. Lucas stares into the fridge.

“Are you okay with a sandwich?” Lucas asks.

“Sounds perfect.” Riley nods.

Lucas begins retrieving various salad items, bread, condiments etc. all necessary goods for a nice sandwich.

Riley leans forward and pulls the chopping board and tomato closer to her. She begins cutting it into thin slices.

“I saw your face when Jed compared your likeness to your moms.” Lucas casually brings up the topic as he butters bread.

“I don’t take compliments well.” Riley tries to shrug it off quickly.

“It was more than that.” Lucas insists.

“I find it hard to believe.” Riley sighs quietly. "I am very different to my mom. In every way imaginable...She has light hair, light eyes, she’s shorter than me.. Just very different.”

“Jed seemed to think otherwise.” Lucas says.

“He’s old and unreliable.” Riley jokes.

Lucas shares a quiet laugh. “Maybe you reminded him of her in a different way, other than looks.”

“My mom is a big shark lawyer.” Riley eyes Lucas. “Fierce, amazon warrior... She’s a lot like Maya that way... I guess I’ve always been quietly jealous of that.”

“Jed was saying how your mom grew up with a very different lifestyle. You even were surprised to learn about it.” Lucas highlights. “Maybe you share more similarities than you think.”

“I guess I didn’t think of it that way..” Riley knits her brows together in deep thought. “I always thought I was a weirdo like my dad...”

“I don’t know but the way Jed smiled was like he was looking at a memory.” Lucas says.

Riley tries to hide her smile. “Shall we eat outside?”

They gather their prepared sandwiches and two glasses of not so bitter lemonade and head outside. They settle under a shady tree and begin nibbling on their lunch.

“Can I ask you something personal?” Riley takes a sip of her lemonade.

“Sure.” Lucas nods, not even fearing what she may come up with.”

“Why are you a year older?” Riley questions, “I knew you were but I never really thought to ask anyone why that was?”

Lucas rolls his head forward with a slight laugh. “When I got to the first grade, Tommy, Tris and Zay were all starting preschool. I was so jealous that they got to spend all day, everyday together so I pretended like I couldn’t read for the whole first year so they’d hold me back.”

“You purposely flunked the the first grade?” Riley laughs in disbelief.

“Wasn’t the answer you were expecting, was it?” Lucas laughs too.

“I don’t know what I thought, but certainly wasn’t something so.. cute.” Riley giggles.

“Shut up,” Lucas laughs softly and gives Riley a gentle push in the arm. Lucas’ laughter tapers off and he more seriously adds, “I know that me and the guys weren’t exactly saints but we were never town terrors. But after a while I guess we sort of got a reputation, and like everything else, the town exaggerated the drama. So after the story was tweaked and told a few times, fact was forgotten and replaced by stupid stories like I got kicked out of school for a year because of fighting.”

“If it makes you feel any better I will always remember Lucas as a little dork who purposely flunked first grade because he missed his friends.” Riley smirks a little.

“I’m not sure that makes me feel better at all.” Lucas jokes. “So,” Lucas softens, “Do you regret not getting on that plane yet?”

“I reget letting things get so messy in the first place.” Riley sighs heavily. “You know when I was little I wanted to be a tightrope walker?”

“Really?” Lucas gives Riley a quizzical look. He’s unsure how this segwayed naturally.

“Before my little brother was born, my parents took me and Maya to the circus.” Riley explains further. “I was obsessed with the tightrope walker. She wore this purple, sparkly leotard.” Riley laughs softly.

“Ballerina, tightrope walker...” Lucas chuckles. “You have some big dreams.”

“Much like the ballerina thing, my clumsiness proved to be stronger than my desire to walk ropes.” Riley is looking past Lucas as she speaks. “My parents didn’t seem to think it was such a good idea either but Maya... When I asked Maya if she’d run away and join the circus with me, she said ‘whatever you want’. You see that was kind of our thing.” Riley finds Lucas’ gaze again. “Unconditional support... And like I said, I’m realising that that might not be the healthiest thing but I can’t cut Maya out of my life. I felt like the universe was making me choose between this life and my old one.” Riley frowns. “But what I’m realising is that, New York, Texas- It doesn’t matter because I’m Riley wherever I go.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to say.” Lucas wears a crooked smile.

“I know.” Riley smiles downwards and slowly picks up her gaze again. “It’s just taking me a little while longer to fully understand things.... So to answer your question about missing my flight; I don’t regret being here but I do regret not being there...If that makes any sense...” A nervous laugh leaves her.

“Perfect sense.” Lucas smiles.

“So I just hope that when I do go back, Maya’s willing to forgive me.” Riley says. “So I can be Riley for her again.”

“Riley, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Lucas frowns a little. “You shouldn’t feel bad for reacting to the situation the way you did...”

“Maya’s upset because she feels like I’ve abandoned her. The one person she thought never would.” Riley’s smile barely masks her sadness. “I hope she can understand why I did what I did.”

“She will understand.” Lucas nods.

“And how can you be so sure?” Riley coaxes her head to the side.

“Because you want her to.” Lucas grins. “And ‘whatever you want’ is kind of your thing.”

“You know if the vet thing doesn’t work out you could be like a new Dr. Phil.” Riley jokes. “But less bald and preferably without the moustache.”

“You don’t think I could pull it off?” Lucas playfully brushes his fingers against his bear upper lip.

Riley scrunches up her face and shakes her head.

“Alright then.” Lucas laughs and gets to his feet. He extends a hand out to help Riley up. “Are you ready for the real reason we’re here?”

“The real reason?” Riley accepts his offer and rises to her feet.

Lucas wears a devilish grin as he runs their empty dishes inside. Then Lucas leads Riley into the stables. Riley is immediately surprised by the size of it. The stable was bigger than Pappy Joe’s actual home. There were individual stalls for at least twelve horses. The horses became noisier once the teens entered.

“Horsey's?” Riley asks sweetly.

“I just couldn’t get past the revelation that you’ve never ridden a horse before.” Lucas says as he pats along the cheek of a palomino horse sticking it’s head out of it’s stall.

“I am not riding that.” Riley squeaks with a shake of her head.

“You seemed excited about the horsey’s before.” Lucas gives her a quizzical look.

“Now I’m actually close to the big animal and the thought of patting it makes me nervous.” Riley takes a few steps back.

“This is Sophia.” Lucas says, his face is right beside hers as he pats. “And Sophia wouldn’t hurt a fly.

“I appreciate the effort but I’m good.” Riley nods a little too eagerly. “Really.”

“Just pat her at least?” Lucas holds his hand out and wiggles his fingers, motioning for Riley to come forward.

Riley is reluctant and she’s still pulling herself as far away as she can with every step she takes forward. Cautiously, Riley holds out her hand but pulls it back again when she’s just a few inches shy of Sophia.

“I promise she won't hurt you.” Lucas says soothingly. Riley looks at him dead in the eyes for a moment and she believes him. With a deep breath Riley reaches out and gently strokes where Lucas was previously petting Sophia. The horse doesn’t jolt or react in some big way like Riley had imagined she would.

“See. Harmless.” Lucas smiles.

“You’re right.” Riley smiles too. “Like a big kitty or something.”

Lucas chuckles at the obviously ridiculous comparison and clicks open the latch of Sophia’s stall. Riley jumps back a few steps and Lucas chuckles as he leads the horse out. Riley stands back as Lucas saddles up Sophia and Riley walks off to the side as Lucas leads Sophia into the arena.

Riley remains on the other side of the hip height fence surrounding the arena while Lucas fiddles around with a small barrel. Sophia stands still beside him, patiently waiting. Riley watches as Lucas hooks one foot into the stirrup on the saddle and then swings his leg over. He then looks to Riley with the same devilish grin he wore earlier. “Your turn.”

“Nope.” Riley shakes her head. “Not going to happen.”

“It won't be as scary if we do it together.” Lucas holds onto the reins with one hand and extends out his other for Riley.

“I’m in a dress.” Riley looks for excuses to get out of it.

“I won't look.” Lucas says dramatically.

“I didn’t think you would but now I am and it’s weird.” Riley folds her arms.

“Sit side saddle then.” Lucas suggests. “Like a princess.”

“Mmm, princess isn’t really my thing.” Riley shakes her head goofily.

“You’ve wanted to be a ballerina and a tightrope walker but you expect me to believe you’ve never thought about being a princess?” Lucas gives Riley a knowing look.

“Maybe when I was twelve.” Riley scoffs through a nervous smile.

“Today all your dreams come true.” Lucas waves his hands theatrically.

“I don’t know.” Riley shakes her head.

“I promise you will be okay.” Lucas waves his still extended hand.

Riley takes another deep breath and climbs into the arena. She uses the barrel Lucas set up to give herself the extra height. Riley takes Lucas’ hand and she allows him to help her onto the horse behind him. Riley was in a dress but it had enough give in it to protect her modesty as she sat with one leg over each side.

“See it’s not so bad?” Lucas says once Riley’s safely on the horse. He flicks the reins gently so Sophia would walk but it was too quick for Riley and it spooked the New Yorker.

“Not so fast.” Riley grips tightly at Lucas’ shirt.

“Sorry.” Lucas smiles to himself. Riley secures her arms around Lucas’ stomach and the two slowly make their way around the arena. Riley’s tension slowly fades and a bubbling excitement builds. By the end of it there’s no nerves coming from Riley just a blissful happiness like she felt twirling in the grass her first weekend in town.

Once they’re done, Lucas gets off Sophia first and then helps Riley down.

“Was that so bad?” Lucas questions once their feet are both firmly on the ground.

“The complete opposite.” Riley’s smile is still wide.

Lucas takes Sophia’s lead and ties her up to the fence. He begins to take off her saddle so he could brush her before putting her back in the stable.

“I think you could do it by yourself next time.” Lucas says.

“I don’t know about that.” Riley chuckles. As Lucas was occupied with Sophia Riley lets her eyes wander around and then she finally settles with a crazy idea in mind. The brunette wiggles the fence to see how sturdy it is.

“What are you doing?” Lucas questions.

“You said ‘today all your dreams come true’,” Riley mimics Lucas previous theatrics. “I braved the big horsey so now I’m going to brave this pretend tightrope.”

“Oh boy.” Lucas quickly makes his way beside Riley just as she’s climbing the fence. The brunette tries to find her footing along the top rail, with arms spread out at her sides for balance. Lucas hovers close by her with arms out prepared to catch her if she falls.

“I’m a natural.” Riley wobbles through her first few steps. Lucas ghosts her along the way.

“Maybe I should buy you a purple, sparkly leotard.” Lucas jokes.

“This isn't so bad.” Riley gains a little more confidence with each step she takes. “I bet I could do this with my eyes closed.”

“Please don't.” Lucas panics from the safety of the ground.

“How about with one leg then?” Riley bravely kicks one foot back. Ultimately resulting in her downfall. “Ah, pineapple.” Riley squeaks as she goes tumbling into Lucas, pinning him to the ground. The New Yorker rolls off him with a nervous chuckle and checks if he’s okay.

“That hurt more than falling off Tombstone.” Lucas jokes still lying on the ground.

“Hey!” Riley playfully smacks his chest.

Lucas sits up. They’re both directly beside each other but facing opposite directions. Riley leans back so she can see Lucas face, his clothes all dusty from landing on the dirt ground.

“Thank you for today.” Riley smiles.

“Don’t mention it.” Lucas matches her toothy grin. “I couldn’t have you feeling like you were missing out on anything.”

The two hold each others gazes for longer than necessary. Another undeniable moment between them. Riley notices Lucas edge forward slightly so she quickly reacts by faking a cough.

“I should probably get back to Jed.” Riley nervously fiddles with her hair. “I can help him with dinner or something...”

“Sure.” Lucas shifts anxiously too. “I can walk you back?”

“No, it’s fine.” Riley insists as she stands up. “You have to put Sophia away and then you have your family thing you need to prepare for...”

“Okay, sure.” Lucas rubs at the nape of his next and Riley scurries off. Brushing the dirt off her dress as she goes.

The brunette calms down a little during her walk and tries to compose her angst before entering Jed’s house. A few deep breaths later and Riley swings open the door.

Jed is sitting on the sofa. “Good day?” He asks.

“Yeah, great.” Riley nods, she intended to bypass him and head straight for her room where she could freak out about how she freaked out in peace but Jed stops her.

“I got this down from the attic.” Jed pats a big leather looking book on his lap. “I have a bunch of your mothers things up there.”

It takes Riley a moment but she eventually realises that it’s a photo album.

“After seeing you this morning, I wanted to find a picture I took of your mom back in high school.” Jed smiles and he waves an individual picture that he’s holding.

Riley almost forgets about her awkward parting with Lucas and sits by Jed on the sofa. The old man hands Riley the picture. The brunette carefully holds the corners of the photograph and is taken back by the person goofily posing. It’s Topanga around Riley’s age, maybe a little younger. She’s poking her tongue out but what captured Riley’s attention the most is her outfit, almost identical to the one Riley wears now. A sundress, denim vest, sneakers. Even right down to the half up, half down ponytail she wears in her hair.

The two of them flip through the rest of the photo album together that’s labeled ‘1992-1998′ which was Topanga’s preteen - teen era. (in a flimsy bmw timeline where they skip 2 years at a time lol) Riley looks at Topanga in lace dresses and bulky boots with crimped hair. A visual Jedediah had described to Riley when they spoke her second weekend in town but a visual she almost couldn’t believe until actually seeing it.

“Mom was a little weirdo.” Riley smiles as her fingers brush over a photo of Topanga with lipstick drawn over her face.

“She was- is- unique.” Jed says as he too stares fondly at the picture. “And so are you.”

Riley gives him a warm smile for the compliment.

“I have a whole lot more of your mothers things in the attic.” Jed says. “Maybe you could clean up before dinner and we can go through a few more.”

“I’d love that.” Riley nods. The brunette runs upstairs to shower, wash her hair and change into some comfy clothes. Excited to look at her mothers past some more, Riley returns downstairs with a wide grin but it quickly fades once she finds Jed out on the back porch coughing quite viciously. He had stepped out so he wouldn’t raise suspicion with Riley but when she finds him spurting out a goopy red into the palm of his hand panic takes over her. A worst case scenario had already formed in her head.

“Grandpa?” Riley asks at almost a whisper.

“Riley.” He spins to her with pain in his eyes that he’d caught her like this.

“You didn’t call mom randomly a few months ago, did you?” Riley remains frozen in the doorway. “You called her to... To tell her you’re sick?”

“Maybe we should go inside.” Jed says solemnly.

End notes: Firstly, sorry for that ending dslkghf secondly, SORRY I TAKE SO DAMN LONG TO POST I HATE ME TOO OKAY!!!!!!!!

Pls leave your reviews... This story is nearing it’s end!! :)

Next chapter: what the frick frack is going on with Jed? Lucas worries he’s royally screwed everything up with Riley!!! DSKFSDKGK

#rucas #rucas au #rucas fic #the story of us

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kimthwariru · 8 years ago

Text

Acquaintances → Chapter 2

Genre: Smut! Angst

«Yeah im weak, and what’s wrong with that? Oh boy, I love it when I fall for that» -Weak AJR

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

He doesn’t know what has gotten into him. Jungkook can’t get you off his mind. The other night he was fucking this girl he met at a party, she was drunk and so was he. He fucked her doggy style so he couldn’t see her face and he imagined you, he felt that you were the one clenching your walls around him, that you were the one moaning out his name otherwise he wouldn’t come. Jungkook imagined you while fucking someone else and that was a problem. He has never done that before -ever-. He knows he will eventually forget you, he can’t just replay that fucking night on his head again and again besides, you weren’t his type. Not because you weren’t a cool or a hot girl, because holy fuck Jungkook could talk to you all day about his problems and be overwhelmed by your beauty at the same time, you were everything he needed. But no, you weren’t his type simply because his type isn’t girls like you, he feels like you could do so much better than him, you could do better than someone like Jungkook, a player someone who doesn’t care about you or your feelings enough. Because even though Jungkook likes you he still cant see himself being with you. All he though about was sex and that’s it. -at least that’s what he convinced him self to believe-

You promised yourself no more parties. The last one was a tremendous mistake. How could you? How could you sleep with your childhood best friend? How drunk were you? Apparently not enough since you remember every fucking detail of that damn night, and the most troubling part is that you liked it. You liked it so much that you even found yourself almost masturbating to it… but when you realized that you were touching yourself while thinking about him you immediately stopped. This couldn’t happen, this was wrong in so many levels. He has probably already forgotten about you and you can’t get hurt for that. You knew well who Jungkook was you had heard about him and all the rumors were true -especially the ones that talked about him giving great sex- Sometimes you’re afraid to close your eyes because you feel like you’re going to imagine that night again and you won’t be able to stop. Jungkook is a nice kid but not in relationships, you remember one night hearing a talk in a bathroom about him. Apparently he had 2 girls at the same time, leaving one almost pregnant. Jungkook was no good. You fucking know it. Then why can’t you get him off your head?

Walking around the convenience store at 3 am looking for drinks has been a habit by now. Every time you think about him you need to drink so you can wash him off. It’s stupid, you’re weak but fuck, it hurts. You were at the section were the drinks were, as you extenuate your arm to grab a scotch on the top self you hear a particularly familiar voice.

“Y/N?”

You turn your head to the direction where the voice came from. You shake your head in disbelief a bit. Were you hallucinating? Or were you looking at Jungkook for real?

“Jung- Jungkook?” You say not believing you are actually saying his name out loud

He came closer, he grabbed the bottle that you were holding and inspected it “scotch?” He smirked “I didn’t have you for a girl that drinks scotch”

Is he seriously going to talk about scotch? Are you seriously talking to Jungkook right now? “Yeah, It’s for special occasions” you look down trying to avoid eye contact. Jungkook’s stare is too tempting right now and with all the dirty thinking you’ve done these past days about him his smirk doesn’t help at all.

“Special occasions?” Jungkook scoffed a bit “Do you have company back home? Are you on a date perhaps?” Jungkook didn’t want to sound discreet, but something inside of him twisted to the thought of you drinking, laughing and god knows even fucking another man. And he knows it shouldn’t bother him, he shouldn’t even care, but jungkook almost wants to grab you right now and throw you to the first counter he finds, making you unable to walk back home leaving whoever is waiting for you alone and with the knowledge that you are taken -that you are his-. But jungkook knows he can’t do this, he cares about you too much to do it.

“If I had a date I wouldn’t be here alone would I?” You were confused as to why jungkook asked this kind of question. Especially the way he said it, it was as if he was jealous and not just a friend simply being interested. Or you just overanalyzed it because you actually wanted him to be jealous. Because jealousy means that he cares and you want jungkook to care… But then again, its Jeon Jungkook we are talking about, the 20 year old one not the 13 one.

Jungkook tried to suppress his smile but he couldn’t help it, the edges of his mouth curled upwards and he was happy to know that you weren’t dating anyone. But he knew that sooner or later that had to happen, an amazing girl like you would sure find a good guy that will love you and treat you right, something that Jungkook can’t do simply because he knows himself too good. Jungkook liked this girl once, he was really into her, of course she wasn’t you she didn’t have a past with him and he never imagined her while having sex with someone else, but still, jungkook liked her enough to ask her out on a date for the first time ever. Things were going okay the first weeks, Jungkook felt nice and he thought that he could finally settle down. But then, about a month after they had started their relationship jungkook cheated, and he cheated badly. He started having this affair with another girl while being in a relationship with the first one. He didn’t care bout the girl anymore, he was bored because he got tired of fucking the same pussy over and over again. One night the condom broke and the second girl got pregnant, Jungkook didn’t want a baby, and he certainly didn’t want a baby with this side chick so he made her have an abortion. The girl he had be dating learnt about it, she was more than devastated. Jungkook might be an asshole but he knew he broke her heart, he knew he left a trauma behind. Both girls were deeply hurt. And that was it, what Jungkook learnt from this experience is that he is no good for a relationship, that’s why he thinks that he doesn’t deserve you, because even though he might be mad about you now, he will probably hurt your feelings in the future and he doesn’t want that, he doesn’t know what he would do if he ever hurt you.

“I should get going” Jungkook said. Your heart almost stopped, you didn’t want him gone, this minute has been the best minute you had this past week. As he turned around you stopped him, it seemed like he flickered at your touch

“Wait” you paused grabbing one more scotch “ Can you help a girl take down two bottles?” You tried to act confident and not needy when in reality you were, you were so needy of him, you wanted to just talk to him until the sun rises. You knew Jungkook wouldn’t say no to drinks.

“Y/N, I- I don’t know if I should” Jungkook hesitated. That was weird, you knew he wouldn’t turn you down, not after you knew that he liked you enough to spend a night with you. What was troubling him?

“Hey what’s going on? Why are you giving me the cold shoulder all of the sudden?”

What was he going to answer? He couldn’t say the truth, because he doesn’t even believe the truth. He doesn’t believe he doesn’t want to hang out with you because he has this small crush on you. He couldn’t fucking spill that. But he also couldn’t find an excuse and he didn’t want to sound rude, so there is only one thing left. Jungkook sucks it up and goes back home with you. How the fuck is he going to control himself? He has masturbated to you a thousand times by now. You were all he could think about, how is he supposed to sit next to you and not touch you? Especially when alcohol has inserted into his system. “Y/n, just for a little bit okay? I need to wake up early tomorrow”

“Sure” you go passed him heading towards the cashier to pay the drinks when his hand stops you, and along with your movement your breathing stops as well. Skinship is something you can’t handle with Jungkook, you know it’s your weakness and you have to fight it.

“Let me pay, please”

“Alright but next time is on me”

Fuck, Jungkook couldn’t believe you just said ‘next time’. He wanted a ‘next time’ so bad but he knew it should never happen, a next time could really damage things

You opened the door to your house leaving the bag with the drinks on the kitchen counter. You see Jungkook getting out of his jacket and you can spot his toned skin peaking through his v shirt, his muscles trying to escape the cotton fabric. You try not to drool over him because that was pathetic, you never stare at guys like that but you couldn’t help it with Jungkook, knowing what’s under there slowly and painfully killed you.

“Do you want to see a movie?” You ask, mainly because a movie was more comforting than talking with Jungkook. If you started discussing with him, watching his mouth move, his brown eyes looking at you with a way they only can, you would be lost in a second.

“Im only staying a little, we don’t have enough time for a movie” Jungkook said grabbing one of the bottles and opening it up “Where are your glasses?”

“To the left shelf” you see Jungkook heading towards the direction and you have some time to admire his back muscles and thighs. God those thighs, they look like they are begging to get out of his jeans -and you would be happy to help with that-. You shake your head and try to snap back to reality as you see him coming towards you with two glasses filled with scotch on his hands

“Here you go” he hands you the glass and as you touch hands a spark must have float around the room. It was so quick yet it was enough for you to feel his warmth and the butterflies growing in your stomach. He sat down on the couch next to you and his cologne wasn’t helping your mind at all. He was a drag. “So how have you been doing this past week?” He asks while looking at his scotch.

How have you been doing? You’ve been thinking about him literally all week long. God you wanted to kiss him and get it out of your system but everything has its limits, iron ore cannot be educated into gold. “It’s been chill, how about you?”

He turned his gaze up to you. He stared at your eyes a bit before answering “Same, nothing much”

The night was good, you were at the third glass and you were laughing at a joke Jungkook just said. It was nice to catch up with Jungkook after such a long time, you don’t feel such a stranger next to him after talking for this past hour. He indeed is a really nice kid, you just wish he was something more. Your head started spinning and you couldn’t think straight, all you could think about was his lips. Jungkook would caught you staring at his bottom lip while he was talking but he never said something about it, only thing he did was very slowly lick his bottom lip from side to side and it felt like he did it on purpose. But you couldn’t deal with him anymore, as you see him pause from what he was saying you go closer, your nose touching his, you were drunk, you didn’t know what you were doing but everything felt so right.

“Y/n?” Jungkook tried so hard not to moan your name as your scent bathed him. He knows he took it too far, he shouldn’t have played with you when you were staring at his lips -especially when you were drunk- but he couldn’t help it. It gives him so much confident to know that a girl like you was staring at his lips. You come even closer and Jungkook starts wondering if you can hear his heart beat, because let me tell you, his heart was beating extremely loud. “Y/n” Jungkook repeats and rests his forehead on yours “We shouldn’t, I should go”

“No” you grab his hand making it wrap around your waist “Stay” you paper kiss his cheek

“I won’t be able to control my self if you keep doing that”

“Then don’t” you say, and start kissing his lips, jungkook trows you down on the couch and falls on top of you kissing you deeply. Jungkook can’t believe this is actually happening, he never thought he would see you again and now he is on top of you planting kiss along your face. Jungkook didn’t want to have sex with you tonight, he really didn’t, this would be too far. But he doesn’t think he can control himself. Jungkook will definitely give in if you make a move, and that really troubles him. Jungkook wants you to make a move, because he wants you badly. But what after tonight? Would you want more from him? His train of thoughts got lost when you started nibbling on his neck. Jungkook loved that, especially coming from you. ‘I should be in bed’ is what he should have said, but he’s too weak

You let yourself feel his warmth knowing that you wouldn’t have it forever. Jungkook is there with you and he is hard groaning at your touch, there is literally nothing you wanted more than just that.

“Jungkook” you moan “lets go upstairs”

Shit, he cursed internally. Jungkook thought about all the things he wanted to do to you tonight, he wanted to make you scream on top of your lungs and then hit you… bad. But then he would want to caress your face, and gently kiss you. He couldn’t believe he got hard just by simply imagining what he would do to you. He knew better than that, he had better stamina and will power but still, you managed to make him rock.

He dug his nails into your skin, making you writhe underneath him and create a tantalizing friction between you two. You gasped audibly when you felt him rip away your skirt and underwear, quickly digging his fingers into your warmth. Jesus, those long motherfuckers really reached right up to your innermost walls. To shut you Jungkook shoved the fingers of his free hand into your mouth which you greedily sucked on. “You’re sure you still want to go upstairs?” He hissed right into your ear

“Please” you manage to say while a couple of his fingers were still in your mouth. Jungkook waited no more, he took you on his arms and headed upstairs to where your bedroom was. He threw you o bed and you curled up to the side enjoying the sight you had. Jungkook getting out of this damn shirt and jeans, his muscles finally making an appearance even thought you could technically already see them before. Jungkook noticed you staring and a smirk appeared on his perfect face

“Like what you see?”

“Please..” you chuckle. You like the arrogant and cocky Jungkook, he was fun

He came closer, your faces millimeters away “Is ‘Please’ the only word you know?” Jungkook bit your ear “Because by the end of this, ‘stop’ will be the only thing you will be able to say”

You stopped breathing when he said that, you squeezed your thighs together trying to relieve the feeling you had going on in between your legs, Jungkook noticed “Want me to help with that?” You nodded and in no time Jungkook’s head was over your area. He grabbed your waist making you stable for him as he started licking circles around your clit. You moan so hard to that because you’ve been wanting it for so long. Jungkook’s tangue feels so warm and it does such a great job you could literally come right now. “Fuck you are so wet” Jungkook took a small break from licking you before he started shoving his tongue inside of you.

“Ah Jungkook, Yes” Jungkook was rubbing your g-spot with his tongue over and over and it felt like you wouldn’t be able to last long so you pulled away, throwing him on the bed and going down to his member. You spit on it 2 times before you start jerking him off, you didn’t use your mouth at first, you always liked to tease him. “You like that?” You ask Jungkook, a cheeky smile on your face.

Jungkook licked his lips, feeling your hands around him felt so good, it felt better than feeling other girls’ vaginas. That’s how bad he wanted you. But even though he was satisfied with you only using hands, Jungkook knew you would use mouth eventually and he knew for a fact that you wanted to tease him so he grabbed your neck and forced you on his cock’s head. Jungkook was rough in bed, but he always wanted to make sure you were fine with what he would do, just because you’re y/n.

“Be a good girl and let me throat fuck you, would you?” Hearing Jungkook talk like that light up a spark inside of you, you hum in response as he starts thrusting his hard member in and out of your mouth. Jungkook was going so fast you thought the bed would fall in pieces “Fuck! You feel so good baby”

That’s it, that’s what Jungkook shouldn’t have said to you. It felt nice saying it, it felt sincere but it was too much, what he was filling was too much and what you two were doing only fed up to those feelings. Jungkook shouldn’t have said ‘baby’, this was too close, this thing you had became too intimate. Jungkook felt wrong for saying that but he saw no reaction from you, so he just omitted it. But still, it happened. And Jungkook knows that sooner or later this had to stop, but you feel too good right now and he wants to stop thinking about other things and just focus on your mouth rapped around his length which was eager to get a taste from your pussy.

Jungkook stops and you remove your lips from his member, a saliva string following your mouth. Jungkook fucking loved the sight. He grabs your ass giving it a firm squeeze before bringing you closer to his naked body. He starts kissing your neck while slapping your ass and you can feel his hard member resting on your stomach just above your area. He threw you down words, not doggy style because fuck doggy style, you were the one he wanted and there was no need to hide your face when the only face he wants to see while fucking is yours. And that’s was bothering him, a whole fucking lot. You bit his neck and Jungkook puts his tip in you, a few seconds later, when he was certain that you had stretched enough to accommodate him, he began moving in and out, grabbing your ass to maintain his rhythm. Your arms wrapped around his neck while your fingers pulled at his short brown hair at the nape. You moan as you feel him stretching you good.

“God, harder oppa”

You were both socked. Jungkook didn’t believe his ears, he was older than you and it would be considered totally normal if you called him oppa. But you never called him like that, even when you were little. He doesn’t know why but you calling him oppa turned him on so much more. He started thrusting harder inside of you just because of that damn honorific you used. You don’t know why you said it either. You just felt like it, Jungkook was treating you like an oppa, he did buy you the drinks and he fucked you good. Even though it felt so right to say, you were still skeptical about it. Jungkook was going very hard but he still made very delicate moves towards you, he capped your face and came closer leaving a hickey under your jawline “Call me oppa again” he whispered, but it seemed more like a growl. Fuck, did he like it? Did Jungkook like being called oppa in general or just by you? You really hopeed for the second one.

“You’re fucking me so good oppa please keep going”

You thrust yourself back towards him to get more and more and more of him until it was almost too much, too big, too thick. You were filled to the brim, spread out around his length as he plunged in and out. You could hear your own rasping breath and forgot about everything, about why you called him oppa, what you would do after tonight, what you and jungkook were, you could hear his rough pants and feel his pleasure growing with yours as he changed rhythm, rough, fast and hard then smooth and so slow you ached with it, both of your pleasures building up begging for release. Jungkook plunged into you one more time, he held himself still for one long, long moment, his hands so tight on your flesh you was going to have bruises, then he groaned and pulled out, spilling himself in pale, curling streams all over you.

“Let me clean you up” Jungkook got up but you stoped him, you grabbed a towel and cleaned his cum off of you. Jungkook was smiling like a kid the entire time, it was maybe because you looked so pure while doing it or because of this fucking crush he had no you… or maybe both. Jungkook didn’t care about anything he grabbed you and kissed you like there was no tomorrow. He lightly stroked your hair and smiled.

“Jungkook, weren’t you supposed to wake up early tomorrow?”

Jungkook threw you on bed with him, wrapping his hand around you “Fuck that shit” he said and buried his head on your hair, he loved the smell of your shampoo, he could smell it all day. But then Jungkook realized, he can’t. Because he couldn’t have you like this all day, god he shouldn’t have you at all. The situation between the two of you was too complicated, sometimes Jungkook felt overwhelmed by your existence. You were everything he needed yet he was everything you needed to stay way from. You made flowers grow in his lungs and although they were beautiful, Jungkook couldn’t fucking breathe.

#jungkook smut #jungkook angst #bts smut #bts angst #bts fanfic #jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios

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knightofbalance-13 · 8 years ago

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http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/159435864121/context-for-the-not-going-to-elaborate-on-side-or#notes

I can’t believe it’s come to this but I must tackle MULTIPLE people at the same time.

Get ready everyone, this is gonna be a rough one.

From the OP, we have the following:

Miles and kerry stated that because of the tumblr fandom disliking the jaune arc they aren’t going to do arcs for other characters. Which when writing a story heavy series and trying to make it sound smart and well written is not an excuse.

Considering the fact that Ren and Nora, Weiss, Blake and Yang all had an arc, I have to assume that was a joke they made that you took out of context. maybe if I had a link or source to see for myself and be proven wrong otherwise but nope, no source I’ll just make my own assumptions.

So jaune a side character got little establishment and barely even stuck to it. (note the “This is all I ever wanted to be.” Yet neglected all study portions) and the actual 4 main characters of team rwby get no arcs cause people complained about jaune.

I saw Jaune slack off once in the entire series. That is it. And in that very same scene, Nora and Pyrrha were slacking off as well so it’s not just jaune. And consider the fact that Jaune in Volume 4 is constantly training as shown in Episode 2 of Volume 4 that is obviously not true that he hasn’t stuck to his character.

Also: Jaune is a main character. It has been confirmed by Monty himself that Jaune and his team are main characters. This is a GOOD thing as this means there is at least two male main characters in a female eccentric show meaning RWBY is officially putting in more effort to actually be progressive than most so called “progressive” shows.

And again: Weiss, Blake and Yang had arcs in this very volume so again, this seems like you’re just ignoring whatever you want to justify your hate to Miles, which puts your entire criticism at risk.

“You wanna elaborate on how ruby’s a tactician?” Miles: “Nope.”

Midn providing a link? Because otherwise, I can point out that RWBY devised the plan to kill the Nevermore in EPisode 8 so Miles SHOULDN’T need to point out the obvious to you. This isn’t Evangelion where symbolism and insanity runs rampant so there’s no excuse to miss points like this.

Lesser writers of a lower station than RT would be flayed alive if they gave that response.

I highly doubt that. That would just be looked over and ignored: you’re just being ind of nitpicky.

And insert a lazy gif here and that’s it for Sokumo. Result- Poorly made, relying entirely on the rwde audience having lot of hate for Miles.

Next up we have Sageyanna to tackle. Luckily this is pretty short.

Writers outside RT could be flayed alive because they dont get the Cultish RT Fandom Protection™ that MKG get.

Considering the fact that so many in the rwde tag twist their critics words to make them seem like the bad guys when they aren’t agreeing with them (myself discluded for obvious reasons) and you yourself have said that black people who don’t agree with you are coons as @mageknight14 can attest, your group has a much more cultish attitude than the main fandom which has evolved beyond that.

And that’s it. Result- Hypocritical.

Next up is someone named Xenodweeb...Yeah, the name doesn’t make sense to me either.

Like seriously, if Konami did this shit, you’d get like 10 #FucKonami News bits from Jim Sterling out of it and they’d feel the wrath of a dozen salty communities.

And Konami has about 100x the fanbase of RT so that just tells me that the rwde tag is toxic enough to account for 12 communities.

However, just because Takeshi0′s circle co-opted the fandom, all of this is suddenly above criticism and doing so makes you a “troggled pro-censorship SJW cuck.”

... All this tells me is that you have a personal grudge against @takashi0 and that you don’t understand that the fandom as a whole is pretty accepting of criticism. Also, rwde has had some very strong Radical Social Jsutice views in it to the point that they kind of mirror actual misogyny just in reverse, blaming guys for everything. As in, I hardly hear criticism about females in rwde. so he might have a point there. Dunno what a “cuck” means.

Result- bias accusation and fundamental misunderstanding of fanbase size.

like people already pointed out that jaune’s had too much screentime to miles. it was like during volume 2 or something, and miles and kerry said theyd work on that. lol no work happened and jaune ended up being the “And Knuckles” of the show and now theyre getting pissed because fans dont like it?????? miles and kerry need to hire some different writers

But they have. Jaune was written down to being a support character for Pyrrha in Volume 3 and has been written down as a support character for Ruby in Volume 4. He hasn’t had the focus of Volume 1 or even 2 in a long time.

And considering Miles and Kerry are the ones who made RWBY alomgside Monty and you demand they step down before they’re ready, that’s akin to demanding Burnie step down from RvB before his time: It’ll do nothing but damage.

Result- Ignorance of acknowledged and fixed flaws.

Next up we have Sageyanna in his new URL. Fantastic.

More like RWBY ended up being the &Knuckles. Jaune & RWBY.

In Volume 4, The amount of focus the main characters got are as follows: Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Oscar, Ren and Nora, Yang, Jaune. Jaune, unlike even Yang, had barely any focus on himself: it was all used to develop Ruby, it was all Ruby’s focus using Jaune as a tool. That is fundamentally wrong.

And the problem is that THEY are the writers. And both have high RT positions and several dozens of layers of Cultish RT Fandom Protection.

No, the problem is that all of you have shown yourselves untrustworthy as you bully and harass people without end be it the writers or the fandom. You will call anyone who defends the a cultish, basically demanding everyone change around you instead of changing yourself. If you could just stop insulting Miles and Kerry and the fandom then people will actually listen.

Unless they REALLY fuck up (and I am talking about a literal catastrophe here, because RT have really low standards for this kind of shit), they wont move. Ever. Probably not even get a reprimand.

You said “Jaune is getting too much screentime” they gave him less screentime, you said they ignored you. It’s pretty obvious why they aren’t listening to you: you have proven yourselves unworthy of paying attention. Only I, someone with almost no self worth, listen to you and even tehn it’d to try and cork your hole. All it takes is some respect and restraint to be worthy of listening.

If shit didnt change when Shane’s letter happened, I cant think of a thing that will make RT stop hiding behind their massive apologist cult fandom. Again.

That’s because Shane was depressed and his letter was obviously biased as he wrote up entire pages of things that had no relation to RT outside of getting sympathy. And instead of getting him to the hospitial, people in your community used his depression to attack RT, going as far as to use MONTY against them. Honestly, they’re only as much of a cult as you are. Perhaps try being nicer.

Result- Hypocrisy and name calling.

And finally we have Dudeblade.

I signed on to watch four kickass girls fighting monsters. Not some badly-written attention whore who apparently isn’t morally obligated to send Pyrrha’s stuff to her parents because Creator’s Pet™.

*Lets out a frustrated sigh* If Jaune was a creator’s pet then his entire purprose in Volumes 3 and 4 wouldn’t be building up other characters. His strategies wouldn’t be used as jokes, eh wouldn’t fail at every corner, eh wouldn’t get crocthed shotted, he wouldn’t be outted as the elader of his team to Ruby, he wouldn’t get the rape face from Tyrian, eh wouldn't get glared at by everyone for calling out Qorw, he would attribute what little character development he had to Ruby and his upgrade wouldn’t result in him getting bitchslapped..

Jaune is not the main focus: he never was and he certainly isn’t now. I don’t now why you insist in it so: eventually the writers will give up and actually do it then what will you do? You’re complaints will have actually damamged the show and the writers all because you can’t understand that a female eccentric show can have a strong male cast.

Final Result: Very skewed Perspectives and massive hypocrisy.

Advice: Calm down and think or try being kinder or just stop.

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tayegi · 8 years ago

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wo w ee i am so excited to see where u take equilibrium! tbh i really like how u r writing jungkook (not in the obsessive relationship sense but like) because it feels like u r really giving us an insight to his mind and how complex of a character he is and like what drives him.. idk if that makes sense lol but i really enjoy the entire story and cant wait to see how it develops !!

Here are the rest of my equilibrium asks under the cut! I am so truly sorry that I just simply do not have the time to answer the rest of them (besides wouldnt you guys rather have me expending my energy on writing ch 12? ;)), but be assured that i have read each and every one of these messages multiple times over and appreciated them all

bonyg said:Equilibrium is really giving me mixed feelings, it's so complicated that I don't know if I want oc with Jungkook or Jimin. It's just not healthy to be in this relationship :"( if I were oc I'd definitely left them both even if I'm gonna die without Jimin :'( it's getting more exciting and I can't wait to know what's gonna happen between oc and Jimin. Thank you for updating ^^

jaaneman-s said:Hi, I don't if this sounds or rude or not, but I'd like to thank you? or idk, I was born in a very manly culture? I know (on my own) how certain things that look okay in this culture but are not in equalness and respect to the woman happen but reading equilibrium has like, opened my eyes a little bit? When I read ch.11 I just sat down and spent a while thinking about everything and how different you view stuff from my point, and how this is actually right? anyway keep the great work ily ♥

Anonymous said:pls read equilibrium at my funeral🙏🏻

Anonymous said:oh oH OH is it going to be one of the cases where the boy "misinterprets" the girls basic human kindness for flirting?!!?? If so, @ the character: go to hell

Anonymous said:Well, it seems like JK (and a little Y/N) has tipped the balance and now everything is coming crumbling down. Who does JK think he is?? I can't imagine Y/N could let the weekend go by without getting close to JM, especially since he needs her. I'm just anticipating the moment when jimin realizes and everything is out in the open. I really loved this chapter! You can see how bold JK is getting knowing that Y/N will do anything he wants, just for his cooperation. Suspenseful!

Anonymous said:me rn: *prays for a joon hyung to sweep OC off her feet and abandon JK and JM* (seriously i'm such weightlifting fairy trash it hurts) (also do you know where i can find my very own joon hyung 😭😭😭😭)

Anonymous said:Reads part 11 Equilibrium -insert jungshook meme here-

Anonymous said:Don't be bothered by those ungrateful readers who thinks you're obligated to write them more than 3k words. Seriously, did they somehow get the impression that they're paying you for this? Just write at your own pace so you can produce quality stuff.

Anonymous said:Finally got around to reading Chapter 11 & if I'm the oc I'd be on a plane up outta there so quick! Set Jimin up with some soup & a blanket, & scoot skedaddle my way out of dodge. Jungkook isn't about to talk to me like that, thinking dick isn't abundant & low value. Shit... Also bless your writing, each Equilibrium update has me on pins & needles~

Anonymous said:I just like... What if Jungkook comes home unexpectedly and finds y/n and Jimin getting it on and then flies into a murderous rage, severely injures Jimin and kidnaps y/n. The second part could be Jimin feeling all guilty and trying to find her while she tries to escape

Anonymous said:Holy shit I'm convinced that Jungkook poisoned Jimin because he's going to be away for the weekend and he's paranoid and crazy as shit that the OC might do something with Jimin so he made sure he's unable to do shit with her 😵 cuz when he called to ask her where she was for his graduation, he didn't even seem all that surprised that he's sick, he just cared about where the OC was.

Anonymous said:Twist end: OC learns boxing and kicks Junglebooks ass

Anonymous said:theory: part two will be titled monogamy and Jungkook and OC will have an abusive relationship. Cause you seem pretty adamant on the idea of abuse (which is 10000% not a bad thing for obvious reason) so i feel like you are taking this story as a lesson for girl to see the warning sign. and part 3 will be about her leaving him finally and becoming single or whatever

Anonymous said:I don't want to defend the oc by saying this but in equilibrium she clearly is right now the one who is fucked up The other 2 get what they want after jk's scary possessiveness and if she wouldn't be controlled by her feelings towards jimin then maybe she would've already left She has also fault but earlier they took advantage of each other's feelings and everyone got something that they wanted but rn oc is like trapped in a cage & can't even touch jimin Idk maybe I'm the only one who thinks so

Anonymous said:I don't understand equilibrium??? Like I thought it was sweet that JK wanted her all to himself but after chap. 11 I think it's just plain creepy with his possessive obsession towards her... like WTF! I kind of want to see Jimin's side of the story like why is he in love with JK and what is with JK not giving a f**k about Jimin at all like when he was the one who initiated this relationship anyways WHUT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!

Anonymous said:I mean it Jungkook will kill them both. Like this boy has the makings of a serial killer. Why the fuck does the oc not love herself?? Why are you trying to create your happiness from the sparse attention given to you by a man??!! Why the fuck are these people so dysfunctional?? Even Jimin and Jungkook they're basing they're entire happiness on people who they know don't care!! If there's ever a lesson here its self love first before you can love someone else.

Anonymous said:Just read the new Equilibrium chapter (11) and wow JK is absolutely terrifying in there. I'm so glad there are stories out there that portray abuse the way it should be portrayed and not romanticized. I really just want the OC to get the hell out of that house and faaaaar away from this messed up relationship ): she needs to run away from him asap like forget Jimin he ain't helping you either just run while you still can girl!!!!

Anonymous said:iF JUNGKOOK GAVE JIMIN SOMETHING IM ABOUT TO GIVE HIM THE BIGGEST WHOOPING EVER

Anonymous said:Regarding Equilibrium, I reread some chapters after I was done with 11. The necklace bit in 11 makes the sex scene in 4 kinda freaky. The way Jungkook yanks on OC's chain and how he got angry when OC said that she didn't know where hers was. It's like Jungkook finds security in the couple necklaces because he associates it with OC being his and when OC doesn't wear the necklace, he feels that his possession has been taken away from him. Maybe I am thinking too much but it was such a cool detail.

Anonymous said:I have a feeling that jimin's going to witness something that's gonna break his heart bc if you look at the situation then jimin should be happy bc he gets his alone time with jk who he loves and he doesn't have to pretend to love the oc that often bc jk doesn't let her go near him and if jimin sees something that breaks his heart(jungkook&oc)then maybe he would leave both and so they would all go their own ways(?)none of them would have a reason to stay but maybe jk will become even scarier idk

Anonymous said:You should just have the OC in Equilibrium go full on Bruce Lee on JK and JM

Anonymous said:Chap 11 in Equilibrium freaked me out btw. Especially after the sex scene when OC watches Jimin sleep. You wrote "tug" so that implies that OC used her hands. So when OC finds her hands restricted by Jungkook, that honestly scared me. Also in that scene, it was interesting for OC to say that she would do anything to comfort Jimin but seemed to take back that statement when she was restricted by Jungkook. It's like OC has become more afraid of Jungkook than she is in love with Jimin.

Anonymous said:In ch11 of equilibrium it was really sad when she compared herself to a pet... like girl, you're a functioning human being, an adult that can take care of herself. You're able to get out of this cage that's been created around you. It's scary what manipulative people can do to someone but at least she knows what messed up situation she's in now and not like... being attracted(?) to the crazies JK is pushing on her

zeloandhobiaremyhubbies said:Hi there ^^ I'm a new reader, and can I just say I love your writing skills and the story line so far. With that being said, coming from a person who has a close friend in a manipulative/almost borderline abusive relationship, I can honestly say I hope the OC get out of that relationship, especially with Jungkook. There's a thin line between being jealous/slightly possessive and possessive and pretty much controlling. Ugh! I want to know what happens next, but I'm also scared to know as well.

Anonymous said:What do you mean you don't know where is the chain OC(me)?! How can I be so careless?? What if Jimin will find it, no I am sure he already did 😑 and now probably the person I precious the most hate me cuz I took his love of life... This shit (relationship) is not falling fast enough huh? Good job me, good job 😒😒

holdingbackforsnow said:I've read equilibrium 11 and somehow I have the feeling that Jimin knew. Even before Jeongguk showed how messed up he is for us readers. I feel like, that's why Jimin entered the relationship. Maybe he was worried for the OC and wanted to act as a buffer in between her and Jeongguk (including his feelings for Jeongguk) that would explain his phone call, when he was gone on business and even how he wanted the OC to go to graduation so badly. I feel like Jimin knows more than we think...

Anonymous said:As much as I anticipate every update, I hope you are taking care of yourself too! Even as an undergrad, I still get stressed & overwhelmed with my workload so I really worry about your well being since being a phd student is so much more stressful and you still give us great content. Thank you so much & I hope you can take some time for yourself as well! ik remembering to take care of yourself is the last thing on your mind with a huge workload but please please don't neglect your well being!

Anonymous said:Oh god Jungkook in Equilibrium is really a psychopath. The fact that he's so manipulative and lacks empathy for others; it's quite terrifying to think about how long he's been manipulating everyone without anyone realizing it. As a psychology major it's really interesting to read a character like this but it's scary how so many people see his behavior as okay esp since there's so many real cases of abusive relationships like this, it makes me really sad. Ty for shining light to issues like these

Anonymous said:Wow, jk has really started to go crazy-something's gonna blow up soon.love the tension you are building though. It's really appreciated the time you take to build an intricate storyline. and not to focus on negative stuff, but for real, if any misogynistic messages pops up now, then... While I think most readers (but apparantly not all) saw the possessive traits of jk in earlier chapters despite it being somewhat(but not very) subtle, this time you rly spelled it out

lastshadowmonkeys said:to stay with Jimin. Everyone's being manipulative as fuck and it can never end well in my opinion...This is so...Wow, and it all comes out of your brain and imagination, that's amazing! I'm so excited to see where this all will go and if Jungkook will just lose his shit (or any of them really, someone is bound to lose their shit) and to see where Jimin stands with oc now and wow so many questions! I'm intrigued! Amazing job, thank you so much for writing this piece of art!

lastshadowmonkeys said:after that, but woops boy was i wrong. He just turned full on psycho, and i have the impression Jimin is not even interested in her in that way and never has been. That leaves OC to be in a relationship with men who don't love her at all, in the end, which is so so sad and i just wish she'd get over her love (or is it obsession, really?) for Jimin, so she could get the hell out of that toxic situation. She's being manipulative herself, going through all that misery to somehow be able (3)

lastshadowmonkeys said:blowing my mind and i have immense respect for that. I'm not lying when i say i'm trying hard to improve my plot skills haha, since my mind tends to be too chaotic to ever get any structure in anything. I enjoy your stories so much. As for Equilibrium, shit's about to go down man and i just can't fucking wait to see what will happen. At first i was rooting for Jungkook and the oc since it seemed like he just had pent up frustrations from being misunderstood? I thought it would get better (2)

lastshadowmonkeys said:Hey Lu! Even though my asks get lost a lot of the time, it doesn't stop me from telling you how much i appreciate the fact you make time to write such wonderful, intriguing stories to make us actually think about important matters. Equilibrium has become one of my top favourite fics ever, and i just love how you can make every chapter like a little piece of a giant puzzle. You write so well, and they're actually plot goals! To imagine you're a grad student on top of all that is just (1)

got7boystobang said:I feel like (in fact; i knew it due to the fact that u hate nochu so much) the end of Equilibrium is going to be such a downfall for jk just like what happened in jjk must die and that crys drabble idk how tho but u just always have ways to kill jkook cause i bet you've millions of pictures in your head on how to😂😂😂 i love your dedication!!!!! lol

Anonymous said:Ugh, Jungkook is threatening people now? Yeah, it's time to call the cops. That's scary. I felt uneasy the whole chapter. I asked myself several times while reading, "Yo, what's wrong with this kid? And what's up with Jimin? Is he just CHOOSING not to acknowledge some of the fucked up shit that's going on around him?" And actually, homegirl is holding up a lot better in this chapter than I thought she would. Interesting. Thanks for another chapter! Looking forward to the next. :)

Anonymous said:Omg so intense!! Gosh I just don't know what to expect anymore, I'm glad there'll be alone time with Jimin but then what if Jungkook finds out, and what if-what if-gah! Can't wait to see what will unfold next, thank you once again for updating even though you're busy~

Anonymous said:WTF OC JUST FUCKING DROPKICK JUNGKOOK IN THE FACE AND GTFO!!! HOMEBOY IS CRAZY AS FUCK

#equilibrium #beautiful ppl #oceanjoon #lu answers

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