#i got lazy with the coloring shhhh

[yoursweetinoccentdreams]

That Pretty Red Dress.

Pairings: toji! x fem reader.

Warnings: too lazy to put this reader is like 25 and toji is like 27-28 OK OK and also MERRY FUCKIN CHRISTMAS (SORRY IM RLLLLLYY LATE I STARTED THIS AROUND XMAS SOO TECHINCALLLLYYY ITS STILL XMAS TIME OK ;-; SORRYYY)

Colors: Red and green regular text, Blue Is Toji and Pink is reader and white is megumi. (it rlly depends on what tumblr app color u have but the light default color is Megumi u got it)

There you were, under the Christmas tree decorating it with ornaments that were made out of blood red plastic, holding little Megumi in your arms while you each pick up the little decorations piece by piece .. in your pretty little red dress, that brought out your curves and big supple breasts that weren't yet filled with milk.

Toji falls in and out of his slumber as he hears little giggles and chuckles, he sighs getting out of bed putting boxers on and heading downstairs. You can hear Toji's HUGE feet plowing down the stairs as he makes his way over to you and Megumi, he kisses Megumi on his temple & then coming up behind you grabbing your waist pulling you in, & giving 2 kisses to your neck.

"G'mornin, you two are up early" "Toji... its 2:30 in the afternoon...." You chuckle sweetly as Megumi nods off to sleep in your arms. "Mama... i sweepy..." Here.. ill take him to sle- Toji offers, No.. babe i got it i have to uhhh... practice.... you say under your breath. You can feel Toji's stupid smirk as you turn your head from him it now settling in your head that you fucked up. "ill be right back let me put him to sleep." You run upstairs while humming a tune to Megumi, setting him down gently in his toddler bed. You dim the lights as you shut the door hearing those gentle little snores you have always loved so much.

You meet Toji downstairs as you walk up to him giving him a gentle kiss before he says, "...what did you mean by practice?... do you mean what I think you meant?? or were you just messin' around." His dark blue eyes linger upon yours as he doesn't take them off you. "oh.. um.. I meant it.." "So you really want kids?" You hesitate to reply to the question, "I mean.. yes but i don't think I'm really fit to be a mom I-" "Bullshit." Toji interrupts "Yer perfect, everything about you, yer already such a good mom to Megumi, i don't want to pressure you but I'm ready when you are.."

You swallow thickly always wanting a child but never thinking you were good enough to handle such a responsibility. "I'm 25 toji.. don't you think I'm too old?.. your ex wife was 20 when she had Meg..." "She doesn't matter to me anymore okay?... your fuckin beautiful.. how many times do I have to get that thru your thick fuckin skull?" Toji sighs, "Do I have to show you how beautiful you are?" Toji being toji he already knew the answer.

He kissed you deeply and- "Strip." he stated blankly, you could almost laugh in his face for being so stoic. You start taking your Dress off knowing to not to give him any backtalk. As your fully unclothed in front of him he grabs your waist and pulls you in for a kiss. "beautiful".. He whispers. He slaps your ass leaving little red marks on your soft supple skin. "beautiful" he has you straddling him as he picked you up and tossed you on the couch.

He takes his boxers off and slides them down to his ankles, as he cant help but admire you're glistening folds right before him. He kisses your lips before he lowers his head down to suck on your clit. "O-oh fuck Toji..." you moan out in pleasure as he licks and prods his tongue like a prancing reindeer. "Yeah? does that feel good princess? this pussy's all wet and sensitive fr'me... Perfect just how I like it."

You moan at his words like a pornstar "H-hah!.. D-Don't talk like that T-toji..." you plead. "What?.. is it too.. embarrassing?" He coo's, before you can say another word he stuffs you almost full with 2 fingers you wince at the burning sensation, "Shhhh" he silent's your moans with a kiss "Wouldn't want to wake Megumi... Now would we?" You shake your head " N-no..." You blush.

He fingers you with complete strokes, you cover your mouth with both hands. You look up at him with tears in your eyes as you are about to become overstimulated, "You're being such a good girl for me baby, cum for me" He grabs your breasts with the other hand and starts moving them around roughly. "fuck yeah... Gonna get you pregnant nd have these beautiful tits swollen with milk Yeah?, that's what Me and Megumi want... if yer ready wanna give it to us mama?" You could almost imagine having another child with the love of your life, considering Megumi mentioned wanting to have a sibling & you were ovulating so the timing was perfect.

"M-imma cum Toji.." You look down seeing a ring of cum around his fingers, you close your eyes shut thinking about how hes trying to overstimulate you on purpose as if you could feel him smirking at you. As your so close to your high, he fingers you faster, "I'm Cumming!" you're eyes roll back into your head as you try to hold on to something, Not being successful you end up trying to grab the couch, not noticing you're squirting all over Toji's hand. "Fuckkkk ma... that's it.. let go just like that.." "ohh my god.." you say trying to catch your breath. "Alright princess.. Yer.. okay right? " he blushes slightly turning his head acting like he's distracted (AWEE I LOVE SOFT TOJI) "Mhm...." You nod quickly.

Suddenly he gets up stretching his arms and waist, "Are you ready for me princess?" He asks in question,His cock growing painfully hard as he strokes himself aligning his cock with your slit. He looks deep into your eyes and thrusts in gently, waiting until he bottoms out inside of you to get you adjusted. "S-So full..." You whined squeezing ur eyes shut trying to adjust to the pain. "Good girl... takin me so well, fuck mama.."

He praises you as he thrusts into you willingly creating the perfect rhythm and going at the perfect pace. "A-hmmn, Toji! yes! fuckmefuckmefuckme!" You moan with a stream of curses flowing out of your mouth completely forgetting about the toddler upstairs sleeping soundly. Toji puts his hand around you're mouth as you can only be heard by muffled screaming and the sound of Toji's balls hitting your clit repeatedly. "You want me to get you pregnant yeah?, I love you so *thrust* fucking *thrust* much" *thrust*. You can feel yourself coming to your climax as you look down and alas, there's another white ring of cum forming at the base of his cock. "Toji!.. I'm gonna C-cum.. I cant!-" "NO you can.. cmon take it for me, baby.." He pounds you harder, lowering down on top of you as you wrap your legs around his waist trying to desperately hold on. He fucks into you ruthlessly as you nip at his neck and scratch at his back. "fuck... yer so fucking T-tight.."

"mmmm!" you moan to yourself by squeezing your lips together trying to not wake Megumi up. "Im cumming Toji!" You squealed as you could sense a familiar feeling of a knot being tied building up in your core, you gave Toji one more moan as you rolled your eyes to the back of your head squeezing around his waist and hugging him tightly as you reached your climax.

"Thatsss it....." He hisses kissing your neck, " you did so good for me *groan* Princess" He praises you as long ropes of cum spurt inside of you and he goes limp being perfectly satisfied. "M.. Sorry about your back Toji" You apologize willingly as Toji grabs a towel from a freshly washed and dried pile of laundry to cover you up.

"Baby, I'm a sorcerer killer what makes you think I can't handle a couple of scratches?" You giggle at his remark as you try to stand to go check on Megumi but you fail, stumbling to the ground like a baby giraffe taking its first steps but lucky for you toji was there to soften the landing. Toji sighs in relief "Woah.. okay let me carry you what were you trying to do?" The only thing you can think about right now is the 2 most important people who mean the world to you, "I want to take a bath and check up on Meg." Toji clears his throat picking you up bridal style. "Alright..." Toji carries you upstairs to the master bathroom and sets you on the counter as he runs you a nice hot bath putting bath salts, bubbles, and a bath bomb, formed in the shape of the sun that smelled like warm vanilla sugar. Toji helps you inside the bath while he's goes to check up on Megumi who has changed positions but is still sleeping soundly, Toji notices the time and realises an hour and thirty minutes have gone by.

Toji meets you back in the bathroom as his deep voice says " Megs is still sleepin' he's gonna be hungry in a little while.. but for now enjoy your bath. Your heart flutters as the thought of you're Son and your husband checking up on each other every minute of the day. "Toji can you get in with me?" You ask him with pleading eyes. "No.. i just took a bath earlier." He grumbles. You go quiet for a minute or two you were about to clear the silence and speak up when he cuts you off and says "Tch.. Fine." He takes his boxers back off and he sits in the tub behind you cradling you and your stomach. "So... any names?" Toji asks, You smile as you rest your head on his chest and the two of you start coming up with that also means the word

Blessing

the end.

Quick A/N!: I KNOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE SO LONG AGO BUT I HAVENT HAD ANY MOTIVATION TO POST IVE BEEN FOCUSING WITH WORK ETC BUT IM BACK (I think) SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS ONE BUT ITS PROB GONNA FLOP

[samyanggs]

Hi, how are you? do you sleep well? how about Beelzebub, Buddha, Loki (record of ragnarok) with an agelo-like reader, like this beautiful light, eyes the color of the ocean that reflects the world's sadness, such a pretty little angel, it would be nice to see how they take care of this exhausted creature, you can childhood friends . I know it's confusing, but I wrote it from the heart. If you don't want to, you can ignore :3

Hii im Doing fairly well hope you’re doing good :3 my sleeps have been short and not that nice but I’m fine I haven’t gotten to beelzebub since I keep procrastinating on reading the manga but I can def do loki and Buddha for you

“Ocean eyes..”

Warning: none

Characters are slightly ooc, I fell asleep after watching megamind so late post ig

Buddha

You and Buddha were childhood friends. Meaning that he knew you for quite some time and he noticed how you’re always so exhausted and sad. Your eyes were such a beautiful blue much like the clearest blue ocean.. but it was always looked sad and tired.. he didn’t feel right whenever you looked sad— which was all the time— he wanted you to be happy and not tired. He wanted to cradle you in his arms and take care of you. You were getting to the point where he’s willing to drop everything if you wanted him to help you. You barely asked for help so whenever you did ask for help, he helped you no questions asked. You need a hug? He there for you with open arms. You need to cry? He’s got two shoulders. You need to rant, vent or talk? He has 2 ears. You need him to come over for whatever reason? Open up, he’s there. He often gets you snacks to eat because he knows how you can sometimes crave snacks. He reminds you to eat meals and make you eat them in front of him so you can’t lie. Reminds you to sleep, eat and drink because you often get too tired to do any of those. He loves looking into your eyes but hates the look of sadness in it. So he tries to make you happy by giving you gifts. The other day he bought you a big gift box of candy, he loved your reaction to it. “You didn’t have to” “I wanted to” “but still-“ “shhhh. Just accept the gift” “okay..”

Loki

Loves teasing you, even when you were children he loved teasing you. He loved teasing you about how tired you always looked even though he was worried. He tries his best to be a good friend but being the person he is it’s hard to be. He means well of course but he can get a little mean sometimes. However, if you came to him for help? He’s there listening and doing whatever you need help with. He’s got two arms, two legs, two ears and two shoulders if you need him. He’s happy to help you because you barely ask for help and despite him being a bit lazy, he’ll try his best to help you. He likes your eyes, but it was always so sad and depressing that he felt bad for you. You looked so tired and sad all the time that he felt like he needed to do something. He got you gifts and said that it was from someone else (you knew that it was from him but you didn’t say anything for his sake). Brings you out with him to the garden because he knows that you like how the garden looked and the flowers. When he can’t help you, he sends something to say sorry. He sends you a gift to say sorry, it was normally something like candy, sweets, a plus how of your favourite animal or he comes to you and says sorry (which is almost never but still happens). At the end of the day. If you’re happy he’s happy. He doesn’t mind hanging out with you because you’re a nice person, who can endure him.

[phoenixmetaphor]

inkvent day 5

usually i draw the softe capwolf but not today.

(supplies talk after the break)

yes i know it’s dec 6 and i’m posting day 5. shhhh. day 6’s ink is a chameleon orange named buck’s fizz and..not my fave.

BUT! the fifth ink, named nightfall and marked chameleon, is maybe my favorite so far. it’s got a strong green shimmer to it and it’s a really lovely blue almost-black. it’s very captivating. the below picture is a little more color accurate than the one where i edit out most of my yellow undersketch. i definitely will be using this ink more. preferably in an actual fountain pen, because I am too lazy to shake up the bottle to get to the shimmer every time i need to dip with the glass pen.

i really need to simplify these if i’m not gonna burn out like it’s october all over again. good news is i only have one more page left in this accursed book and FINALLY I WILL BE FREE.

(hilariously i grabbed the wrong ink bottle for the photo below. i promise this is nightfall and not early dusk. i’m way too tired to fix it tho so… we’re all just going to have to live with it. 🤡)

[stevenbasic]

GITJ Post 293: Wake Up, Sleepyhead!

another treat: an audio performance of our tender morning scene between Melissa and Dr. J. Link to the audio at the end.

---begin audio script.---

<you start with a private manifestation to yourself, as if you’re looking in a mirror and willing what you want into reality:>

<deep breath to start>

“He wants to spend time with me. He can think of no better way to spend a day than to be with me, whatever we’re doing. He feels happy and comfortable in my presence, and when we’re not together he feels like something’s missing. We have fun together, he loves being with me.”

<deep breath again>

“Okay…let’s wake him up…”

<voice is soft, almost a whisper, gentle to wake him up but bright with excitement>

“Goood morning..! Good morning, sleepyhead! Happy Sunday..! Mmmm…mmmhmm. It’s me… rememberrr? Melisssssa..? <giggle!> C’mon, sweetie…rise and shiiine..!”

“Yes…yes. You’re in your bed. I carried you up here, last night. I kinda tuckered you out, I guess <giggle!> That was, like, ten o’clock or so. You’ve been sleeping for twelve hours! It looks like you’ve barely moved..! I’ve been watching you sleep for, like, ten minutes <giggle!> Yeah, you’re just a lazy little man on weekends, aren’t you? ”

<pause as he’s waking up, drowsily asks you a question>

“Me? No I didn’t stay over. I went back out, met the girls for drinks. Got up early, went to the gym, had a nice big breakfast. And…surprise surprise <giggle!> I went to the paint store. Mmmhmm…we’re going to paint your room today..!”

<pause for his reaction. He’s a little surprised>

“Yep..! It’s a rainy Sunday. The girls are all headed to the marches downtown but I wanted to spend it with you..! I thought this would be a nice thing to do, paint this place. Is that okay? Hmm? Is it okay, if we spend Sunday together?”

<he responds with something like ‘sure I’d like that’>

“Oooo good…I’d like that too..! <excited giggle!>

“So, yes. Painting. I brought all the stuff. I’ve <giggle> never done this before, but the boys at the paint store showed me everything we’d need. Brushes, rollers, trays, this cute blue tape…”

<pause, he asks a question>

“What? How much did it cost? No no no…don’t be silly, honey. It’s my treat. I just hope I bought enough paint. They said it might take two coats, to cover up this…old beige…”

<pause, he asks what color>

“Hm? What color? What color are we going to paint your room? Oh, you know what color I’d choose…<big wet kiss sound of a ‘mwah!’>...guess!”

<slow, loud ‘Mwah!’ kissy noises, as you’re pursing lips right into his face, showing off your lips and lipstick>

“What color would I choose, hm? A color to remind you of me, maybe? <Mwah!> Every time you wake up? <Mwah!>”

“That’s right! Pink, to match my lipstick..! <giggle!>”

<backstory: you have this secret urge to emasculate/infantalize him, and your fave shade of pink just felt right lol>

“That way you think of my kisses every time you’re here!”

<Mwah!>

“Ok let’s get you out of bed…sheet off and…hey! <giggle!> what’s that in your PJ’s? Didn’t I take care of that last night? <giggle!> shhh shh shhh no it’s okay, let’s have a look…”

<little pause for his weak protest>

“Shhhh it’s okay. You’re fine. I got you all cleaned up last night when you were sleeping, found your PJ’s…got you into bed, all tucked in. So, let’s see how you’re doing this morning…we’ll lower your pants here…”

<quick pause as you lower his thin pajama pants down over his erection> “Awwwwww….!”

“Oh, sweetie, so hard again..! Shhh shh shh…Iknow you can't help it. What is it? Is it me? Was it all my kissy noises, hm? <Mwah! Mwah! giggle!> You like big, Sunday kisses? MWAH! MWAH! Here, let me have a feel…”

“OOOOooo! <giggle!> So excited again! I liked that big groan! Does my hand feel nice, nice and warm today? Let me just hold you here, give you a nice gentle squeeze…”

”Shhhhh….there you go…there you go. Nice, gentle squeezes. Does that feel nice? Isn’t this a nice way to wake up in the morning? Hm? With me, with my hand here, all ready to take care of you? Let me stroke you, nice and slow…there we go…”

<ad lib in some tender, indulgent HJ dialogue/cooing/noises if possible? A few ‘good boys’?>

“Oh, baby…oh sweetie…you’re so excited already. Look at your little face, all scrunched up.”

“Are you ready? Do you want to come? Do you want to come for me? MMhm, okay…it’s okay. You can come. Let’s count down, I’ll do it for you. Are you ready? Hm hun? Okay here we go. 

“10…….9…….8……that’s good, that’s good baby, 7……6……5….good, good boy, you’re doing so well….4…c’mon, keep going hun, you’re almost there….3….2….okay baby, get ready, get ready…”

“…1, There we go, there we go, sweetie. Oh yes…oh yes! Come, come for me! Oh, sweetie, yes, yes!

<talking him through it, tender but excited yourself. Ad lib anything you think fits>

“Mmmm…mmmmmm..! Good, good…that’s right, get it all out. Come, come for me. Get it alllll out. Oh yes, all over. All over your chest, and your belly. Oh, sweetie…so good, so good…that’s right…good boyyyy…”

<purring, groaning, growling in pleasure, until his climax wanes>

“Mmm honey…all done. All done? Good job, good boy. But oooo look at that mess you made! I want to…I want to taste that. Can I honey? Can I taste it?

<scooping, slurping>

“Mmmmm…so <voice is all but quivering in rapture> good..! So, so good. Mmmmmmmm….”

<more scooping, slurping>

“Let mama clean it all up <giggles!> Mmmm…”

Mwah! <kissy noise>

“Ohhhh…Looks like someone is getting sleepy again…! Are you still sleepy? <giggle>”

“that’s okay, you can shut your eyes, you rest. I’ll get stuff all set up, all the paint. We can start when you’re ready. I’m excited for our day together. Just you and me. All…day..!

<one final MWAH!!>

<…and then a lovely lullaby. Melissa’s singing voice has curiously improved…>

===============================================

Thank you to GBHMax for the torso-morph in the image, and of course PoisonedSugarPill for her audio script fill which can be found   >>here<< at my Patreon

[v-anrouge]

Ok I decided I'm redoing my match up thing, it was too messy

What I look for in a man:

I don't wanna say this but he's gotta be handsome (shallow I know but hey at least I admit it) but he's also gotta be kind enough to me so I don't feel like a worthless piece of shit whenever he talks to me (bonus points if he's got a hot voice)

Love Language (recieving):

Words of Affirmation (says almost every Asian child ever) and gift giving are major love languages I have for recieving

Love Language (giving):

Physical touch/intimacy, I had this era as a kid where I'd rub on my mom and sister like a cat, it was annoying for them but that's just how I showed me love for them. Playfully hitting is also included like it a little bap on the head, sometimes I underestimate my strength and hurt the person I do that to and it makes me feel terrible.

Things about myself my s/o should very much know:

I'm a lazy, cynical and very pessimistic person (also very neurodivergent coded) I will cry if they're mean to me a lot and I will curse them out if they're mean to me a lot. It entirely depends on how I feel after waking up. Very much anger issues (working on it dw). I find crying attractive which is very weird and I don't wanna dive into that can of worms just yet.

Resting Bitch Face is my default which scares babies apparently and that's why they don't like me? Children are scary but I do want them. Every Time I see a cute baby I will say 'i love babies 🥹' (yes the emoji is included). It's a forever ongoing baby fever for me.

If you're gonna be with me you need to know how to listen cause if I think you're not I'll either A: stop talking and say nevermind or B: annoy you into listening to me. This again, entirely depends on my mood.

Being dramatic cause I like drama? Nah

I'm dramatic cause I never got attention from my dad as a child. Ig that's part of why I seek male validation, sad. I dunno what else to add 🤷🏻‍♀️ (have my first draft for the ppl that see this ig)

Guess who's asking for a match up (spoiler: it's me)

Favorite color: obvs purple 🙄 (why did I add this 😭)

Uhhh I'm super lazy and very much depressed, I will get angry if you ignore my very obvious mental struggles. (I also just get really angry in general but SHHHH) also very cynical and apathetic to most things, sleepy 24/7.

I make characters so they can live a life I can only dream of...hmmm what else...I'm smart-ish (if top 7 of my grade for 8 consecutive terms counts as smart) anddddd I like writing and making up storylines. My favorite thing to do is read (not the classics, they bore me tbh, but I guess Holes and Midsummer's Night Dream is ok)

I very much often ramble into tangents and can be seen as a bitch apparently cause yay social anxiety doesn't like me talking to other ppl ✨ toxic friendship frr‼️ I'm more expressive on the internet than I am in real life bc no one knows who I am behind the screen (unless you doxx me but pls don't ♥️) and that comforts me.

I have ADD, MILD autism and 💩 crippling depression 💩

I like being dramatic bc I didn't get much attention from my dad as a kid and he went to buy milk ig 🤷🏻‍♀️. I always look high in pictures and I hate taking them cause I always look high.

What else...hmmm I like singing and dancing when I think no one's watching and I despise- no I abhor when ppl try to force me into doing things I don't wanna do. I like food a lot and will cry if it has no flavor. Donuts are 👌🏼 . I was 100% a menace as a kid and awfully gullible. And I'm very good at holding grudges as well (my longest grudge is over a decade long-)

And I think that's abt it? There's probs more but I'm tired

homie gave me their entire autobiography holy fuck /pos

I MATCH YOU WITH!!

MALLEUS this man LIVES to spoil you he just loves hugging you from behind and smiling as he shows you a beautiful (and extremely expensive) necklace he got done for you, the necklace is enchanted so that it'll always be in pristine condition, the gem's color change in the light naturally but you can see they also have a bit of magic on them, everyday this man will smile and compliment your stunning flawless looks with a smile on his face, if he had his tail out it would be wagging so hard he'd cause an earthquake

at first malleus would be very confused on why you hit him and think he had done something wrong but when you tell him it's just your way of showing affection he'll say you can use him as punching as much as you want to with a cute little smile, malleus won't ever hit you back because 1- he is way stronger than you and would definitely hurt you 2- what kind of man would he be if he hurt the one he is so deeply in love with??

he loves any affection you give him, in the beginning of your relationship malleus always went a bit stiff when you showed him a lot of affection because he isn't used to it but even back then he already did enjoy your affection he just didn't know how to react to it, now he is already very used to it, to the point he'll get a bit pouty if he doesn't get his morning hug and kiss

malleus is aware of your mental health and he does everything in his power to help you heal and feel better, malleus does not like fighting and he isn't used to being mean, sometimes he could say something a bit hurtful but it's just because he isn't completely socially aware, please talk to him if he ever hurts you and he'll immediately apologize and promise to never say anything like that ever again, he'll spend the rest of the day spoiling you to make up for that, he says it's because he feels terrible and although he isn't lying you both know malleus just really enjoys spoiling u

malleus loves reading to you, he'd really enjoy it if you could sit on his lap as he reads a book you picked out, his voice is very pleasant to listen and honestly very calming so most of the times you end up falling asleep, when that happens malleus kisses your forehead and hugs you tighter making sure you're having the sweetest dreams ever

both of you are seen as intimidating so as soon as you two step into any place everyone is immediately looking at you two, an intense intimidating aura filling the entire place as you two walk together before malleus picks up a silly little plushie and tells you that it reminds him of you and start gushing over it as if u two were completely alone, to be fair, whenever malleus is with you you're the only thing he cares about

malleus is over the moon when he discovers that you'd like to have children since he will be a king that is basically a necessity, it doesn't matter if you two adopt or have the child yourselves malleus will make sure you and his little baby/babies are always happy and comfortable, he'll spoil both u and ur child/children rotten and would be constantly cooing over them, however he is extremely protective of you and your child/children so he tends to growl at strangers that approach u 💀

other possibilities: kalim, lilia & trey

[midnightmusings88]

Hello

How are you?

I wanted to know if I have any chances of romantic love and a husband in future? I've been perpetually single all my life due to trauma from my parents and the oppressive community I live in. Only now that I'm so much older that I'm somewhat able to stand up for myself. But i fear I've lost my opportunity.

Thanks a lot.

Heyo! I hope you are well. Thanks so much for your patience and for the opportunity to read for you. I hope it resonates and helps you.

The thing that really stood out to me about this question is that you seem to be feeling hopeless. I want you to know first and foremost that it is never too late to change your life, and there are always opportunities for you to pursue and have the things you want. The single biggest message I have for you, backed up by the cards, is that you need to summon some faith. Have an inner knowing that everything you want is available to you, and that you deserve to pursue it. That said, let's dive into the reading.

So, honestly, I did try to pull some romance-related messages for you, but the Universe (or God, or whatever you'd prefer to think of it as, if you believe in that) corrected me that we need to address your current situation instead. As far as the "oppressive community" in which you live, it's a dead end. There is no chance of real happiness for you if you continue. I tried to pull more on it, but I didn't get a whole lot of specific details other than that it's extremely superficial and secretive (I kept hearing "hush hush" and "shhhh" in my head). There was/is probably an obsession with looking like everything is good, even when things are not. Also, this might be random, but I got that either one of your parents had an affair, or possibly you yourself have tried to be with someone before and it didn't last because there were too many secrets (or you had to keep the whole relationship secret). It doesn't have to be either of those things specifically, but I just really strongly felt an affair-type energy, which could play out a number of different ways. Something very forbidden, kept on the down-low, and very impermanent. I can sense the unhappiness, some of which is clear in your ask, that this environment has brought you, and yet I see you still trying to convince yourself that it's fine. I feel this very strong emotional attachment, sentimentality, and sugarcoating coexistent with loneliness, confusion, and self-doubt. This is, as patronizing as this may sound, pretty common, to different degrees, among many people. So many people live their lives simply accepting that they're dissatisfied, and trying to convince themselves that it's all good. The job that drains them, the soul-sucking (and not in a good way hehehe) marriage, and the big empty house are what they wanted, right? People create their own prisons all the time, myself included. Thing is, your success and happiness in life are all dependent on whether you choose (and I say "choose" because you absolutely can) to break free from whatever imprisons you.

I heard repeatedly while I was pulling this reading "You need to want better things for yourself". You, like so many people, are afraid of taking a leap of faith towards an uncertain future, preferring the familiarity of unhappiness. I would look into Søren Kierkegaard's philosophy, if I were you, specifically his work about leaps of faith. You can find plenty of videos on the subject on YouTube, or articles on the internet. I pulled several cards that reference independence, life satisfaction, fulfillment, even financial comfort, if you extricate yourself from where you are now. That means that good things are waiting for you!

Think of life as a table with a lazy Susan in the middle, filled with lots of colorful, delicious dishes, some mediocre ones, and some dry, crusty, burnt, or rancid ones too. The table isn't circular, so not everyone has great access to the lazy Susan. Plus, it rotates, so even if the opportunity passes once, the same or a better one always comes around again. The people who are closest to the middle have the best opportunity to grab the finest food, while those situated on the ends often find that even if someone graciously hands them the gourmet meals, they're often cold and unappetizing by the time they get to their seat. Maybe you aren't seated close to the middle of the table, so good things look far away from you. That doesn't mean you can't have them! It just means you need to be self-sufficient enough to ask or reach for the food you want yourself. Accept that you're not happy right now. Accept how you really feel about yourself, your life up until now, and who/where you want to be. Have faith that this life is for you! Life is a gift filled with opportunities; start living it to the fullest.

This reading took a lot out of me haha, but I really hope it reaches you. This felt really important, and I also empathize with you. Wishing you all the best.

[ask-teiru]

[paulkariyas]

— HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKA !!

[tinydeskwriter]

i’d die for a good morning cuddle w jack, all fluffy hair and warm sheets and some sexy morning voice ;)

WARNING: It’s fluffy

5AM CUDDLES

By some miracle Y/n had woken up earlier than Jack that morning.

It wasn't that she was lazy or didn't like to get up early on the daily, but simply that Jack, her boyfriend of over a year, was one of those truly annoying people that genuinely enjoyed to start his day early. He was even in a good mood—which Y/n initially regarded with suspicion, as clearly a person who wakes up at 5 am everyday in a good mood can only be a psychopath—and followed a morning routine of exercises with enviable rigor —normally she was still in bed reading her emails and waiting for the moment he came back from the gym, just to watch him in the shower, and sometimes join him, after all, they were all about saving the planet—.

But this particular morning was one of those rare mornings when she woke up and he was still asleep. Their room was lit only with morning light, a warm orange hue that failed to make her want to get out of bed.

She stretched a little before snuggling back into her covers—plural, for as they learned early on in their relationship, Jack was the pillow hoarder, and Y/n the blanket thief, which worked perfectly for them, because usually she just slept using him as a body pillow—. She had her chin on his back and took the moment to look at her boyfriend.

Jack had always had a beautiful body, but she wouldn't complain about the work he'd been doing with the personal trainer, his back had all those worked muscles and angles that showed up even when he was sleeping. His fair skin was dotted with copper colored freckles, Y/n's favorite constellation, she traced some of the freckles with her fingers, feeling his skin prickling. His face was hidden in the pillows, his curly chocolate brown hair was the absolute bird's nest.

He shifted a little, his face appearing in her field of vision.

Gosh, how handsome this man is.

Not only was he handsome, charismatic, and articulate, but he was genuinely good. Jack made her feel things she had never felt before, and he treated her like no man had ever treated her before.

Sometimes she couldn't believe how lucky she was to be dating Jack.

“You're staring.” Y/n was startled to hear the voice hoarse from sleep and muffled by the pillow.

Jack still had his eyes closed.

“How do you know if you still have your eyes closed?” She asked, a slight smile forming on her lips.

“I got used to weird people staring at me.” He said with a half smile, eyes still closed, making fun of the woman, Y/n immediately gave Jack's boxer covered butt a light pinch. “Stop being aggressive woman.”

“Take it back.” She said with a smile, nudging him in the waist with a leg tangled up between his. “Jackman, I swear to God, I’ll bite you.”

With a quick movement, which Y/n doesn't even know how it happened, she was trapped between Jack's arms, his heavy leg thrown over hers, and his head nestled in the crook of her neck.

He tucked her against her body. “Let's cuddle.”

She let out a giggle being scolded by her boyfriend.

“But Jack…” She tried to protest, but already completely comfortable being the little spoon

“Shhhh…Let's just get some more sleep.” He said. “After last night I'm skipping cardio today.”

[positivityfortoday]

☀ PositivityForToday’s 10K Celebration ☀

There are SO many things worth living for and reasons to smile and be happy! With the help of my lovely followers/friends, I have compiled a list of 1,000 things that make people happy, for my 10,000 amazing followers! Hopefully, this list is able to help you, make you feel better, or give you a reason to smile today! 

☀ 1,000 Happy Things ☀

Seeing cows while driving

Moss on really old fallen trees 

Seeing a lil baby you don't know in public, and they smile at you!!!

Parents doing their kids hair or just people doing someone they care about’s hair

Really ragged old and well-loved stuffed animals 

When the dandelions start blooming

Spring blossom

Daffodils

Bluebells

Sharks

When you're sitting outside your house or something and people passing by wave and say hi

That feeling in the summer when you have your window open and you're listening to your favorite music

When someone does a hobby just because they enjoy it even if they aren't the best at it

Comfort shows and books

People speaking their native languages

When my brother gets something to eat and always gets me something he knows I like

When I finish a crossword 

When I see something that reminds me of someone I care about

Paintings

My best friend (I love her so much shhhh don't tell her)

My dog! I love him 

My little sisters! Adorable, creative, and very witty. I love them

Music! I get the happy shaky feelings and just,,, y e a h/listening to songs

Singing! Especially for band practice!

Sunlight beams in the morning

The moon

Eagles

That feeling when you’re with friends and you’re all laughing so loudly, and you just feel complete

Talking to my favorite people/talking to my best friend

Sunrises and sunsets

Seeing the stars

Cats

Butterflies/Moths

Snails

Warm sunshine

Purple gel pens

Hugs

My children

Sunny days

Beautiful views

Spending time with my family and friends

Playing badminton

Cycling

Playing with little kids

Playing with dogs

Whales

Animals doing daft things 

Talks and walks with my son 

Morning breakfast and coffee 

A good spicy lunch

Laying in my bed at night and just checking on current affairs and news

My boyfriend

My friends 

Art

Owls

Minecraft

Voice acting

Petting my dog

Smelling Flowers 

Feeling a cold thing when I’m warm or a warm thing when I’m cold 

Giving and getting kisses

Random texts from friends

Coffee flavored chocolate 

Singing

Moths with big white wings

Underdone scrambled eggs

A rainy night

Bubbles

That first warm day of spring

Going on hikes

Being outdoors

Candy

Chocolate 

The smell of playdoh 

Taking photos

Getting new clothing 

Candles

Birdwatching

Going on picnics

Writing poetry

Reading books

The holidays

Making people smile/laugh

Coffee

A nice warm blanket

Eating ice cream

Snow globes

Lightning bugs

Flowers after the snow melts

The smell of rain

Sitting on the steps early in the morning

Being the first to wake up

The feeling I get after running

The comfort of a favorite shirt

My girlfriend 

Family

Random acts of kindness

Babies

When I play with my dog by pretending to run at her and she goes crazy with excitement 

My cat 

Rain

Baking

Piano (playing or listening)

Small flowers

Flowy skirts/dresses

Wholesome romances

Hearing a song for the first time and loving it immediately 

Playing my flute

Horses

Listening to vinyls on a record player

When someone remembers a little detail about you

Painting my nails

Doing yoga

Doing exercise

Beating a personal record

Rainbows

Making crafts

Taking a shower after a long day

Going to the zoo

Going on vacation

Being at the beach or near water

Watching Netflix

Going to the movie theatre

Watching a live play at a theatre

Learning something new

Teaching someone how to do something 

Toasting marshmallows and eating S’mores 

Cupcakes

Seeing a shooting star

Taking a nap

When someone compliments me

Decorating my room

Picnics

My favorite band

My favorite celebrities

My favorite actors

Setting a new goal

Collecting rocks

Putting on fresh clean sheets

Seeing Christmas lights

Listening to birds chirping

Giraffes

Camping

Sitting by a bonfire

Eating mashed potatoes

Bullet journaling

Driving in the car with the windows down

Dancing

Looking at pretty pictures

Concerts

Funny jokes/puns/memes

Fireworks

Sparklers

Pretty clouds

My favorite shoes

Getting new art supplies

Making photo edits

Making gifts for my friends and family

Getting gifts from people 

Balloons

Succulents 

Playing an instrument

Drinking a nice cup of tea

Iced tea on a summer day

Eating fresh fruit

Getting my hair braided 

Eating at a restaurant 

Being on a boat

Swimming

Making new friends

Finding an animal in nature 

Pumpkins and pumpkin patches

Carving pumpkins 

Autumn and all the beautiful colors

Acting for theatre

Making video edits

Wearing a costume for Halloween

Dressing fancy

Finding four leaf clovers

Pressing flowers

Scrap booking

Handwritten letters

Stickers

Hummingbirds

Elephants

Eating breakfast 

Gardens

Inspirational quotes

Wearing my favorite necklace 

Baby animals 

Little streams and ponds

Foxes

Sun shining through trees

When it’s foggy out and you can see dew drops on plants and spider webs

Being on a swing

Finally accomplishing a goal you’ve been working on 

When a new season of your favorite show comes out

Doing my makeup

Cleaning and organizing 

Daydreaming 

Taking a bath

Christmas 

Watching funny videos

Wearing sweaters and hoodies

Fuzzy socks

Helping people 

Little figurines and objects

Popcorn 

Brownies

Looking out the window 

Wolves

Opening a window for fresh air

The smell of coffee 

Watching YouTube videos 

Getting a haircut 

Seeing a deer in the woods 

Watching birds fly

Finding shapes and objects in the clouds 

The smell of fresh laundry

When someone tells me something reminded them of me

Stepping on crunchy leaves

Animal crossing

My switch

Softball/baseball

Basketball

Soccer

Seeing cool cars/old cars

Rollerblading

Drawing with chalk on a sidewalk

Going to bed early

Stargazing

Making progress

Checking things off my to-do list

Taking Polaroid pictures

Going for walks

Jogging

Going to the library

Starting a new book

Finishing a good book

Playing board games

Koalas

Slippers

Big trees

Sunlight coming through the windows

Waking up on Christmas morning

Getting book, song, movie, etc. recommendations from my friends

Making music playlists

Finally receiving packages I ordered in the mail 

Baking desserts

When my favorite song comes on

When people make playlists for each other

Finding new characters to ship

Having free time

Sticky notes

Sunbathing

Traveling

Peace and quietness

Alone time

Meeting my step/exercise goal for the day

The people who love me

Soup

Coloring books

Getting into bed after a long day

Pillows

Fandoms

How unique and different everyone is

Getting a lot of work done

Looking forward to my future dream job

Playing video games

Being on Tumblr

Taking time for myself

Practicing self-care

Face masks

Finding money you forgot about

Holding hands

The smell of apple pie

Starting a new tv show

Getting letters in the mail

When the seasons change

Summer

Mugs and teacups

Smoothies

Breakfast food

Disney

Going into the woods/forest

Trying new creative outlets

The smell of sunscreen

Eating the food you’ve been craving

Knowing and feeling that people care

Telling a good story

Laughing so hard can’t stop and your stomach hurts

Late summer nights

Late night drives

Sparkles

Glitter

Listening to people I love talk about their favorite things and what they’re passionate about

Listening to podcasts

Turning up the volume of my music

Putting my headphones in

Blasting my favorite songs through my speaker

People accepting and supporting others for who they truly are

Wearing something cozy

Soft light

Love

Warm weather

A well-rested night

Waking up in the morning and feeling refreshed

Knowing that every day is a fresh start

Well written characters

A book I can get lost in

Sloths

My parents

My siblings

My grandparents

The feeling of sand beneath your feet

Heated blankets

Bagels

Toast

Getting something for free

Samples

Constellations 

Mason jars

Practicing a new skill

Finding a new hobby

Lazy weekends

Mac n cheese

French fries

Having deep conversations with my best friend

New jeans

Going to IKEA

Skirts 

Dresses

Doodling

When other people are happy (especially people I know and love)

Marching band

Sleeping in

Having the day off

Getting new books

Playing guitar

Playing ukulele 

Random compliments

A change of scenery

Cuddling

Waking before the sun is up

Reading old letters

Zebras

Exploring

Building Lego sets

Using photoshop to make edits

Journaling

Walking along the seafront and breathing in time with the waves

A good rom-com or nostalgic show

Writing lists

Pinterest boards

Looking back at my accomplishments

Talking on the phone with a friend or family member

Wrapping presents

A blue sky

Loving someone 

Waterfalls

Washi tape

Penguins

Donuts

The color yellow

Sleepovers

Cooking dinner

Kind gestures

Trust

Inside jokes

Songs that make you feel nostalgic

Seeing other people’s art

Comfy clothes

Wearing pajamas

Calligraphy

When someone calls you by your nickname

Going to Target

The first sunburn of the summer

Ramen noodles

Chinese food

Thrift shopping

Flower fields

Flowers growing in random places, like through a crack in the sidewalk

Writing

Sparkly snowflakes

When it snows on Christmas

Mixing paint colors together

Perfectly shaven legs

Puddles

The color red

Thunderstorms 

The smell of flowers

The ocean 

Adult sized onesies

Driving a golf cart

Fairytales

Cartoons

The color blue

Pasta

AO3

Crickets chirping

Seeing everyone’s houses decorated for the holidays, especially Christmas

Other people sharing what makes them happy

Monkeys

Being understood

When someone texts to make sure I got home safely

Iced coffee

Becoming better at communicating with others

Seeing a friend for the first time in a while

Good morning and good night texts

Drinking a cold glass of water

Deep conversations in the middle of the night

Collecting sea shells

Building blanket forts

Tan lines

Being under lots of blankets

Making better health and money choices

Getting chills from a song even after hearing it countless times 

Liking how I look

Hot chocolate

Finding new music

Buying cute things

Wearing an outfit I really like

When someone tells you how glad they are to be your friend

Gardening

Watching raindrops race down a window 

Trying new food

Finding exactly what I was looking for 

Planning my future

Finding a song that perfectly fits my mood or describes how I’m feeling

Writing little notes to people

When someone tells me I did something good

Eating ice cream on a hot day

Making friends with animals

Going to football games

Seeing people genuinely interested in something

Snow days

The last day of school

Winter break

Spring break

Thanksgiving

New Year’s Eve

Turtles

Sitting outside on a cool summer day

Watching rain

Watching the ocean waves come in

Netflix binges

A new movie release I really want to watch

Driving with a window down for the first time in the spring 

Taking a cruise

Giving helpful advice

Getting helpful advice

Doing a favor for someone who needs it

Someone referencing one of my fandoms or something I love out of no where

Learning and knowing stuff

Doing something physically challenging or scary

Listening to my bedroom fan while I fall asleep

Coming up with a new creative idea 

Finding something I wanted at the store on sale for a good deal

Finishing all my assignments on time or even early

Hugging my dog

Taking my dog for a walk

Teaching my dog a new trick

When strangers stop to say hi to my dog

Listening to audiobooks

The weekend

Finding a new flavor of chapstick

Drinking Kool-Aid, it makes me feel so nostalgic

Watching nature shows on a weekend morning

Watching cartoon shows on a Sunday morning

A good TV show, most likely something I've watched before because that way I know it ends well

A good, delicious comfort meal on a Friday night by myself 

A café in the city centre at noon when it's not filled with the morning rush or afternoon coffee breakers

The stars from my childhood bedroom because they're the brightest here

Listening to my favorite playlist really loud on a long road trip and singing to myself loudly in my car

Having an entire day to myself without interruptions from anyone

Opening the curtains first thing in the morning 

A new jacket

Going to the cinema on a first release day because it's always super exciting and full of people anxious to see a movie they've been waiting for forever

Listening to live music

Riding roller coasters

Going to amusement parks

Lizards

Seahorses

Starfish

Eating fair food

Feeling an instrument vibrate when you’re playing it

Hearing my dog snore

When my dog dreams in his sleep 

Wearing a new piece of clothing for the first time

Feeling the sun on you

Eyes in the sunlight

Seeing city lights

Singing in the shower at the top of my lungs

Looking at someone and them knowing exactly what they’re going to say

Laughing till you cry

Being under a blanket

Going to craft stores

Watching boats

The idea of traveling the world

When my dogs let me lay my head on them

Listening to an old song and having it bring back memories

Candy corn

Crazy socks

Quotes

Fall and the leaves changing color and the crisp feeling in the air

Making snowmen

Making gingerbread houses for Christmas

Making videos with family

Burning a candle

Booping a dog’s nose

Getting letters/notes from people; writing them

Snow globes

Dr. Pepper

Doc martens

Fortune cookies

Potatoes

Easter

Finishing something

Skipping rocks

Warm rain

When someone opens up to you

Finding the right words to say exactly what you wanted

Animal footprints

Eating outside

Fairy lights

The smell of a hotel

Windows

Meeting a new dog

Dolphins

Getting magazines in the mail

Being in the woods as the sun starts to rise and the animals wake up

Warm days

Adirondack chairs

A warm breeze

Clothes and blankets hanging outside to dry

Feeding birds

Aquariums

The color green

Tie dying things

Going to art museums

Going to science museums

New albums from my favorite artists 

Seeing moss in nature

Finding cute little mushrooms 

When a dog wags its tail a bunch and is excited to see me

Playing fetch with my dog

Obsessing over something and having someone to talk about it with

Going on a walk with my best friend and talking about life

Looking at old pictures and reminiscing on good memories

Reading a book that's so good your brain wants to read faster than it can

Laughing with friends about the weirdest things

Being appreciated for doing small things you wouldn't even have thought about yourself because it's something you *just do*

Being creative

Watching animals

A story I can't put down

Stretching

The moment when you listen to a new song/album by your favourite artist

When you're at a concert and anticipating the moment before the band comes out

When at a concert and they play your favourite song live

The moment when someone compliments your outfit 

When you see someone wearing merch of something you like 

Seeing the sunrise/sunset 

Watching the sun rise out of the water or sink down into it as it’s setting

This ecstatic feeling in general when you're just living in the moment with people who love something as much as you do

Hugging my cat and smelling his fur

Listening to my music by myself and singing to it 

Making edits I’m really proud of 

Losing hours in a good book or fanfiction

Writing sentences that I actually like 

My siblings and my parents when they're being chill and funny

Watching my favorite tv shows and movies and yelling about them into the void 

Finding a new good song 

Fresh out of the shower + fresh clean sheets feeling when you go to bed

When I come downstairs in the morning and my dog greets me right at the bottom step with her lil’ tail wagging

Knowing that if I ever needed someone to chat with, someone would be there to lend an ear

Tigers

Lions

When you shuffle your music and the exact song you want to hear plays

When all my family is around the outdoor fire on a summer’s evening

When my nieces and nephews give me squishy kid hugs

Being home alone and being able to cook or bake in the kitchen without disruption

Driving around with a friend in the evenings and just belting our favorite songs

Seaside walks

Disney World

Seeing live theatre

The sun shining on leaves and stone buildings

Dancing when I'm alone

Color-coordinating my outfit

Floating on my back in the sea

The smell of summer nights

The smell of winter mornings

Colorful things/environments

Bunnies

Walking along lakes/rivers/the sea

Spending time in nature

Taking care of my plants

Giving affection to my loved ones

Listening to other people's stories

Reading about people I've never met before or places I've never visited before (especially if they are now just a part of history)

Embroidering

Pandas

Swimming in a river or the sea

Stargazing (my favorite moments usually happen an hour before sunrise)

White-caged-bird

Feeling the breeze when I spin and my heartbeat when I dance for an hour at a time

All the wonderful smells of flowers and colours that nature has to offer

Sharing good laughter with someone

Feeling like I belong

Travelling and discovering new customs of different cultures

Hiking or foraging

That feeling when I'm approaching the end of a really good book and I let myself be engulfed by the fact that it's a unique experience, that I'll never experience as the first time again

Observing my local fauna

Petting and taking care of an animal (double the joy if it is friendly with strangers)

Drinking a good cup of honey tea

Finding a perfume that suits me

Eating something sweet

Enjoying a meal with others

Cat paws tapping on the floor

Dipping a biscuit into tea

Trying to catch leaves falling from the tree

Having sunlight hit your face when you’re napping

Objects that cast a rainbow when the sun shines through them

Seeing patterned shadows

Ambient mood lighting

Sleeping

Wearing jewelry 

Cheese

Playing chess

Fresh air

Going somewhere new

My Mom’s cooking

Being inspired

When someone holding your hand rubs their thumb lovingly in circles

Picking strawberries

Otters

Painting the walls of my room

Wind chimes

Seeing that your favorite people are active online

Finally understanding something you were struggling with

The excitement you get when someone reblogs your writing or art

Getting a new notebook or journal

Appreciation

Validation

When someone tells you they love you and mean it

The smell of freshly baked bread

When my dog falls asleep on me

Making new online friends

Found family

Finishing cleaning my room

When someone lays their head on your shoulder

Doing something right on the first try

Finally sitting down after standing for a long time

Getting goosebumps from hearing or seeing something you love

Seeing a gorgeous view

Loving someone and them loving you back

Freshly baked gooey cookies

When a song comes on and everyone starts singing

When I’m out for a run and it’s hot and it starts raining. Nothing makes me feel more like a human than getting caught in the rain on a run

Swimming in the ocean

When people are talking about something they really love and get carried away trying to explain it all to you

Puppies

Being in the middle of nowhere and actually getting to see the whole sky of stars that you never get to see in a city

Finding people that love the same things you do

 When something silly reminds you of someone you love; like every time I see an orange and green gummy worm I think of my sister

When you’re hugging someone and they squeeze you a little bit before they let go

Weather where you can leave all the windows open in your house

Trampolines

Driving with no destination in mind

Falling asleep to the sound of rain

Hearing other people laugh

Laughing only because you hear someone else laugh and it's just so contagious

The first snowfall of the year

Disney movies

Listening to someone tell stories and they have like 15 side stories in between the main one

Romantic movies

Bubble baths

Smiling between kisses

Wearing sweatpants

A clean house

Pizza

My computer

Cheesy pickup lines

When people tell me they miss me

Cool spring mornings after a storm

My job

Butterflies

New shoes

Oversized shoes

Caramel apples

Volunteering

Meditating

Running my blog

Finding sea glass at the beach

Getting my nails done 

Planning vacation

Hot cider

Telling people I love them

Writing in my gratitude journal

Eating homegrown vegetables, fruit, and herbs

Remembering a good dream I had

Happy endings

Colored pens

Decorating for the holidays

Finishing a really good tv show

Leopards

Summer rain

Thunderstorms where I can just open my window to the full extent and just watch and listen

Calls with my best friend

Seeing a meme and sending it to my friends

Getting an email from AO3

That moment when you get an idea for creating something

Walking barefoot on the grass

Sending thank you notes

Writing events I’m looking forward to on my calendar

Dippin' Dots

Spicy food

Seeing a full moon

Eating cookie dough

Eating seasonal food

Bubble wrap

Going to the car wash and getting rainbow soap

Dark chocolate

Soft blankets

Weighted blankets

Soft drinks with crushed ice

When I get an unexpected phone call from someone I love

Wearing flip flops

Longer daylight hours

Having a BBQ

Frosting cookies

Making cupcakes in the microwave

Watching the Hallmark channel during the holidays

Taking selfies or photos with people I love

Putting on lotion

The smell of a baby’s head

The Office

Online shopping

The smell of freshly cut grass

Surprising my family or friends

Looking at the clock when it’s 11:11

Being productive

Quilts

Doing good on an exam

Someone doing a favor for me (especially when I didn’t ask)

Eating pancakes with syrup

Origami

Sprinkles

Confetti

Waving at people

Giving high fives

Complicated Handshakes between you and your best friend

Naps/feeling well-rested

Eating one of my favorite foods

Hearing good news from/about a friend or family member

Looking at nature (these days it's seeing squirrels in my neighbour's garden and looking at my plants and trees)

When make someone happy or feel like I made a difference (including a satisfied client)

Success (good grades, a gifset that does well)

Hugs from my mom

Learning new things

Chatting with my friends because they’re all amazing people

Group watches of my favorite tv show or movie

That feeling when the house has just been cleaned/when I’m freshly showered

Making jokes/laughing with people

Reading fluffy fanfics

Driving on the road to a destination far away, I love the trip as much as (if not more than) arriving at the actual place

Reading affirmations

Green tea

Getting breakfast or lunch from a nice restaurant 

Learning about topics that won’t benefit me; like Chinese history, geography, ancient flora and fauna, etc. just things that I find cool 

The jokes my girlfriend makes, especially when they’re the same ones she always makes

Stories from the past! Stories from history from people who actually lived through it

Stories in general, just hearing the life experiences of people in completely different positions from me. I love hearing people’s stories

Drawing intricate things, like old buildings, landscapes, and plants

Cooking a nice meal

Grocery shopping and farmers markets especially 

My cat! All of her weird little habits too, like how she stands in front of my feet so I’ll push her where she wants to go 

Botanical gardens

State parks

Museums

Art galleries

Listening to stories my grandparents tell

When people tell me about their life goals and dreams

Being surrounded by the people I love 

Living the best life I can

Partying hard the night away

Daydreaming

Sunflowers always make me smile

Warm tea

Big fluffy clouds in a blue sky

Friendly babies

Hearing a past favorite song

Singing karaoke 

Biking riding

Helping others

Chocolate milk

Sweets and fruits

Having fun doing things I love

Dragons

Video games

My favorite things

Writing

Affection

Exercising

Being on Tumblr

Pinterest

Looking at flowers and plants

Playing with my cats

Chatting with my friends (at the moment it’s through zoom, of course)

Finding new ways to decorate my room

Window shopping

Spending time with my boyfriend

Wearing my favorite outfit/accessory

Eating something delicious

The cool side of my pillow 

Tears of joy

Woodpeckers

Reading poems

Hugging trees

Tree houses

Airstreams/campers

Playing frisbee

Making sculptures

Puppy ears

The first day of spring

The first day of summer

Sending silly photos to my friends

Building sand castles

Winning prizes at the fair or arcade

Marbles

Cacti

Scrolling through my phone

Writing fanfiction

Seeing someone you haven't seen for a really long time

Putting together collages

Printing out photos I love

DIY projects

Sewing 

Crocheting 

Listening to steel drums

Haunted houses

Going through a corn maze

Picking fresh fruit or vegetables

Bubble tea

Starbucks

Dunkin donuts

Disneyland

Disney Princesses

Climbing trees

Finishing errands

Rewatching my favorite episodes

Scrunchies

Milkshakes

Ice cream blizzards

Listening to acoustic versions of songs

Hot tubs

Rubber ducks

Coconut flavored food

Dipping fries in ice cream

Discovering a new type of animal

Seeing hot air balloons

Frogs/toads

Splashing in puddles 

Having plants inside my house

Teddy bears

Iridescent/holographic things

Bird houses

Breakfast in bed

Crystals/gemstones

Ziplining 

Dew drops

Glow sticks

Flower crowns (especially handmade ones)

Spring rain 

Watching other people make art

Lighthouses

Finding heart shaped things in nature

Thinking of getting my own apartment

Coming up with a new recipe for food

Cookbook recipes passed down through families

Bookshelves

Making pretty yogurt bowls

Seaside houses

Flying on planes and being in/above the clouds

Flower bouquets

Looking at and learning about the planets

Fruit snacks

Palm trees

Weeping willow trees

Cherry blossoms

Eating cake

Decorating cakes with eccentric icing designs and colors

Whipped cream

Having snowball fights

Hearing Christmas music

Tattoos

Wearing rings

Green grass

A tidy organized desk with cute desk supplies

My craft room

Hammocks

Little cottages

Cotton candy (and cotton candy flavored things)

Looking at all the paint pallet colors in paint stores

Stamps

Taking silly photos in photobooths

Going to the mall

Making jam, especially strawberry jam

Reading outside

Finding a bird nest and watching eggs hatch

Looking at photos of my family and friends 

Finding old flora and art books

Eating fresh corn on the cob with butter on a summer day

Lily Pads

Icicles

Inner peace

Sitting under a tree

Not having to turn on the light in your room when the sun is shining through

When restaurants have patios you can dine at

Fishing on a pier

Seeing old couples in public

Making gifs

Trees swaying in the wind

Anime

Dying Easter eggs

Laying in the trunk of a car and watching the clouds or stars

Night lights

Flower shops 

Outer space

Kitchens

PB&J sandwiches

Toasted Cheese

LoFi music

Listening to/watching ambience videos

Turtle necks

Peaches

Looking at old maps

Figurines of the earth/globe

Honey and bees

Cheesecake

Seeing footprints in sand and watching them be washed away by waves

Anything related to the moon, stars, and sun

Reading my horoscope (even if I know it’s not real)

Archways decorated with hanging flowers

Yogurt

Pudding

Knowing that I’m not alone

Ancient roman sculptures

Macarons

When someone tells me they care about me

Weddings

Watercolour

Birthday parties 

My brother

My sister

When my dog leaves his bed to lay in the sunlight

Doing mini photoshoots with my friends

Hand making bracelets/necklaces (friendship bracelets)

When someone calls me darling or honey

Love letters

Game night

Skateboarding

Stress balls and squishy toys

Starting something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time

Playing cards

Doing puzzles

Word searches

Kittens

Ordering takeout

Stepping out into the fresh air

Creating vision boards

Getting a massage

Writing positive affirmations

Lunch dates

Standup comedy

Listening to classical music

Nature/animal documentaries

Having someone there to listen to me

Listening to someone when they need it

Accepting myself for who I am

Looking back and seeing how far I’ve come and all the progress I've made

Doing something my future self will be thankful for

Speaking up for myself

Being near loved ones

Finding time for my hobbies

Giving myself time to rest

Saturday mornings

Marrying the one I love

Discovering new things

Going to new cities

My idols

Pastries

Feeling the wind on my face on a car ride

The sensation of music in my ears and like nothing else matters

People who have my best interest in mind

Simplicity

Fulfilling my dreams

Discovering a new ice cream flavor

Knitting

Making myself a priority

Knowing that I am important, and I matter

Thank you all so much for following me and supporting my blog! It means a TON! I never expected for this blog to become popular, especially because I originally started it to help myself get through some mental health issues. I am so happy to be able to share my journey of healing with you all! It means the world to me to help or make a positive impact on even just one person’s life! Each and every single one of you is amazing!! You matter and you are SO important! Thanks again for your everything! Have a great day!!! Sending sunshine your way!! 

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

The reader is nervous to tell Erik that she is attracted to women too and when he finds out he teachers her how to pick up women and eventually he lets her find one for a threesome.

That was a long explanation LOL.

Black women are art.

They come in all shapes and sizes.

All different textures of hair and tones of skin.

Y/N was a lover of women...literally.

She didn’t come to terms with that until she was about a year into her relationship with Erik Stevens. They were friends turned lovers. The day Y/N came to the realization was during one of Erik’s nude photo sessions. He was a very popular artist and photographer in LA. Y/N would always stop by Erik’s studio while he was working to admire her man’s work in action.

This particular day was a rainy day and a client had begged Erik to photograph her nude. It was late in the evening as well. When she walked in, Y/N’s heart stopped. She had to catch her breath. The woman was a walking flame. Tall, long thick legs, copious amount of cleavage and a whole lot of ass to match. Her pecan colored skin glistened from the rain and her short curly hair lay pressed against her scalp in pretty chocolate swirls.

Y/N could feel herself squirming in the faux fur lounge chair in Erik’s studio that he bought just for her. She could even see her man checking that woman out. Y/N wasn’t jealous or envious. She was looking without shame herself and the voice inside her head kept whispering take off your clothes, and she’s so fucking sexy...I wonder what she tastes like.

The minute the woman’s amber-colored eyes landed on hers, Y/N was in a half-conscious state. They had a little staring contest for at least a minute while Erik set up. The woman licked her lips, allowing her eyes to study all of Y/N. Y/N found herself blushing at that, unable to stare at the goddess any longer.

“Erik, who is your beautiful guest?” Her silvery voice made Y/N swallow spit nervously.

“Oh, that’s my baby girl, Y/N.” Erik looks over at Y/N giving her a wink. She returned it before giggling.

“Really? I’m jealous.”

She walks over to Y/N, reaching out her hand to greet her.

“Hi, I’m Raven.”

“Y-Y/N,” her soft slender hand was warm and slightly wet from the rain. Y/N wanted to lick the rain from Raven’s fingers.

“Such a pretty name...and such a pretty girl.”

“Raven....” Erik says playfully, “Are you hitting on my chick?”

“Maybe, is that a problem?” She sassed Erik.

“Nah, no problem, I understand. But she’s mines, Ray,” Erik looked over at them both with a lopsided grin, “Right, Y/N?”

“Right,” Y/N spoke in a breathy tone.

“She doesn’t look so convinced, Erik,” Raven leans in close to Y/N to whisper in her ear, “It’s okay, does he know?”

Y/N shys away, lowering her head to her lap.

“I see...” Raven gave Y/N a somber look before stroking her cheek with her pointer finger, standing straight and sauntering away with a switch of her hips that Y/N couldn’t help but admire.

That’s when she realized that she was really really into women. She came to terms with being bisexual and to stop denying it. The only thing is...how does she tell Erik?

—————————————

“Erik...we need to talk.”

Y/N wanted to have the “big talk” about her newfound sexuality with her boyfriend. Erik was in his darkroom developing polaroids. The red hue of the lights looked enticing against his almond skin. She’d been avoiding this with him for about a month since the last encounter. Now, it was eating away at her and she needed to get it off her chest before she exploded.

“Uh-oh...did I do something wrong?” He puts on a faux worried tone.

“No, babe. But...maybe I did.” She fiddled with her fingers while standing across from him. Erik’s eyebrows creased, stopping his motions all together to look at her.

“Y/N, what’s going on with you?” He steps around the table that held all of his developing equipment, “I already know something is bothering you I just didn’t wanna put you on the spot. I wanted you to come to me about it when you were ready.”

“I’m ready now,” she looks off to the side, “I think...”

“Don’t push it,” Erik reassures her before planting a kiss to her forehead over her curly bang, “It’s no rush, love.” He gave her one final smile before turning to walk away.

“ I’m bisexual, Erik.”

She clamped both her hands over her mouth.

Erik stopped in his tracks, his broad muscular back flexed as he turned to face her again. He was looking at her with a neutral expression, much to her worry. Y/N closed her eyes, bringing her hands up to wrap around her body. She needed something to do to calm her nerves so she paced back and forth in the darkroom.

“I-I’ve always known...no, I’ve confused it with just admiration but...but that day...in the art studio...Raven, you remember Raven, right?...yeah, Raven...”

She kicked the carpeted ground, her eyes staring down at the floor. Erik didn’t say anything. He just stood there with his arms folded across his chest, staring at her. His stares could be so mysterious. She didn’t know what he was thinking.

“So, apparently she had me figured out,” Y/N laughs with a shaky breath, “I was so turned on by her. It’s like it hit me full force.”

Y/N chanced a look at Erik, instantly looking away when she connected with his russet eyes. They looked almost black in that room.

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous to tell you about this. We’ve known each other for years.” She stroked her hair back only for it to fall into her eyes again.

It was quiet. Y/N fiddled with Erik’s camera to calm herself and hopefully avoid crying. Erik’s body finally relaxed as he walked up to her and squeezing in front of her. He grabs the camera, taking his hands to pick Y/N’s small body up and plant her on top of his work table. She looked off to the side again, but Erik takes his hand to grab her chin gently, making her look at him. He could feel her shaking against him.

“Baby girl...breathe.”

She inhaled in and exhaled out.

“Good girl,” He strokes her chin with his thumb, “Why did you keep this away from me for a month?”

“Because I thought you’d be mad. I thought you’d think I was dishonest.” She spoke with a little voice.

“Baby,” Erik strokes her bangs back from her eyes, “You can’t just assume shit like that. You don’t know how I feel unless you ask. What I say about this shit when we first started dating? We keep it at 100. No matter what, remember?”

“Yes, but,”

“Shhhh,” he placed a finger on her heart-shaped lips, “No buts. You keep it real with me.”

Erik steps back a little to lean into the table with his arms braced on both sides of her body. Y/N’s legs swing and her eyes stare down at her lap. Erik once again lifts her chin, Y/N noticing a lazy smirk on his face.

“So, my girl likes girls?”

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“Yes, Erik. I could have sworn I just admitted that” she spoke sarcastically.

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

“...yes...” she nods her head slowly.

“When?”

“Uhh...Best friend lingerie party.”

Erik raised his brows, “you gonna tell me how that went?”

Y/N laughs, “uhh...it was a drunken kiss, nothing special...but it made me feel tingly. It happened so fast. She told me she’d wanted to do that all night because she liked my lingerie.” Y/N giggles, covering her face.

“I bet you looked really sexy in that lingerie,” Erik smiles with deep dimples, “Did a girl ever touch you?” His voice got lower.

“No, but I’ve thought about it, a lot.”

“Hmm,” Erik looked down at her swinging legs, “I’m sure you can probably guess that I have no problem what so ever with this.”

“Yeah, it makes me feel better.”

“Like no problem. It’s actually making my dick hard as fuck right now.”

Y/N looked into his eyes, taking her hand to place over his crotch. Sure enough, she could feel his length and thickness at full capacity. Erik grabs that hand, placing it inside of his grey sweats so that she could feel him better. Y/N parts her lips before licking her bottom lip slowly.

“I’m just picturing my girl eating some pussy.”

She was picturing that now too.

“And fucking some fine bitches pussy with all those sex toys you got,” He went to whisper in her ear, “rubbing clits together and cumming all over each other...”

“Stop,” she spoke in a weak tone.

“Sucking and licking on a bitch hard nipples,” Erik’s hand was making its way inside of her pajama shorts, “I just wanna watch, baby girl.”

“You can join too,” she spoke softly, opening her legs for his access.

“Oh, yeah? You want me to fuck you and another bitch?”

“Yesss,” she was grinding her hips into his hand. Erik was rubbing circles around her clit.

“You don’t know what you just started, baby girl,” Erik rips her shorts off at the crotch. She took in a sharp breath watching her man roughly pull her legs apart, lowering himself to the ground to eat her pussy. All she could see was his dark head of dreads moving back and forth between her legs. The red hue light above swung back and forth from Y/N accidentally hitting it. He was showing her just how much he loved that she was bisexual and that he didn’t care about that shit he loved her either way. Erik parts her legs further by using the back of his hands to lift her feet on the table. Her toes curled and her hand rested on the back of his head, guiding him as he sucked on her clit. She stared down at him open-mouthed and unable to make a sound.

Y/N’s eyes would shut tightly. She could feel her pussy convulse on Erik’s lips and tongue. He looked up at her with his almost black eyes, that pink tongue appearing red in the darkroom. She creased her brows, small notes of a whimper trying to escape her voice box but there was no use. Erik was rendering her speechless over and over again. Her juices mixed with his saliva was dripping from the table to the floor. She fell back against the table, resting her body over the many polaroids that Erik developed. Wherever she went he followed because Y/N had such a tight hold on his dreads with her fingers. Next thing she knew, Erik places his whole mouth over her pussy, slurping her up something serious. She bit down on her lip, thighs shaking but Erik held the meaty flesh back for better access.

Y/N lifts onto her elbows, finally a soft moan flowing from her mouth. Erik hums into her pussy. He knew that she was close, he could tell by the way she convulsed on his tongue and in between his lips. She wanted to scream, and Erik was going to pull it out of her. He starts tongue kissing her clit with his slippery wet tongue, directly over her trigger point.

“Daddy, Yes!” She spoke softly between moans, “Daddy, yes, please, I’m gonna cum for you!”

Y/N’s body trembled as she came undone on his tongue. Erik didn’t stop, he was so hungry and horny for this girl. She was letting out choked up moans because he kept going.

“Scream,” He spoke into her pussy between licks and sucks.

She screams.

—————————-

Y/N sat on Erik’s lap in a local bar that a friend of his from childhood owned. They were having a great time hanging out with mutual friends playing pool and taking shots. It was Erik’s round to shoot pool with one of his homeboys so Y/N got up from his lap to follow him to the table. Erik grabs the chalk from his friend to chalk the end of the pool stick. Y/N and Erik were on teams of course. He taught her the game even though she still struggled from time to time.

“You’re gonna rack the 8-ball game, Erik?” Their close friend, Tony asks. Tony and Erik were in the Naval Academy together.

“Yeah, I can do it.” Erik starts racking the balls.

The game was very short between Tony and Erik. Erik was close to winning but Tony got him good in the end. He was rather pissed off about that but Y/N kissing him settled his sour mood. Just when their lips parted, a girl caught Y/N’s eye in her peripheral. Short, 4C curly bush, a black wrap top on that allowed her perky cleavage to spill over and tight stretch pants that cinched her plump waistline and exaggerated her big behind. She had a lot to show and wasn’t afraid to do it either. She looked like a 1970s disco goddess.

“Who is that?” Y/N asked, noticing her talking to Tony and a few other people they both knew.

“Oh, that’s Dashawn.” Y/N looked at him to elaborate.

“She’s Tony’s sister's ex-girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Y/N looked over at Dashawn. She perched her round ass on the edge of the pool table. All the men gawked at the weight she was carrying on her back. Y/N could see the dimples in her ass through her pants.

“See something you like, Princess?”

Erik caught her staring. Y/N gave him a shy smile.

“Yes, she’s very pretty.”

“C’mon,” Erik gave her a look as if to say really.

“Okay...she’s fucking sexy.”

“There you go,” Erik wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her closer, “you wanna spit some game?”

“What?” She looked up at Erik with a staggering expression.

“You heard what the fuck I said don’t act like you didn’t,” Erik says with a burst of laughter.

“You just want me to...go up to her and try and talk to her?”

“It’s an art to this shit baby girl,” Erik pulls Y/N away from the pool table and back to their seat. She took her usual spot on his lap, giving him her undivided attention.

“First off, it's all about the eyes. see,” Erik gives her a look but it was the usual look that would make Y/N cave every time. He would always make his eyes really low and sultry, focusing on you with an unblinking and lustful expression. She was already squirming in his lap.

“See, like that. I got your attention and all I did was look at you.”

“You’re so good at that. I’d probably end up being all shy.”

“Just give it a try, go give Dashawn a look.”

Y/N was hesitant.

“Baby, it's okay,” Erik rubs her back soothingly, “I’m okay with it. I really wanna see you pick up other women. It’s sexy”

“And it turns you on,” Y/N added.

“Yeah, it does,” Erik makes his dick jump against Y/N’s ass.

“Go show Daddy how you do it,” he whispers.

Y/N got up from Erik’s lap, Erik slapping her ass. Y/N was smoothing down her velour mini skirt before walking over towards Dashawn’s direction. She was currently watching another pool game, a drink in her hand that had a blue color; Y/N guessed it was probably Hypnotiq.

“I wanna go next round, who’s gonna play with me?”

“I will.” Y/N spoke up.

Dashawn noticed Y/N leaning over the edge of the pool table, her velour cropped hoodie zipped down low enough to show her large breasts. She gave her best “Erik stare” hoping that it was working. Erik always said that Y/N’s Chestnut deep-set eyes were his favorite. Slowly but surely, a smile crept up Dashawn’s downturned lips that were painted a matte brown. Y/N allowed her eyes to travel up and down Dashawn’s body quickly before she sat up straighter with a bounce of her tits in a flirty manner. Dashawn liked that, her eyes were round and prominent now.

“Sure,” Dashawn’s kinky fro bounced as she nodded her head, “what’s your name?” She had a light voice. Her voice definitely didn’t match the way she looked. It was so adorable.

“It’s Y/N,” She reached across the pool table. Dashawn practically bumped into Tony reaching out for Y/N’s hand. Her walnut-colored skin clashed beautifully against Y/N’s honey brown skin. Y/N shook it slow, still holding that same gaze just to reel Dashawn in further before letting her hand go while allowing her fingers to feather the inside of her palm. She could see Dashawn’s shoulders jump from that.

“Did you come alone?” Dashawn asked.

“No,” She pointed over at Erik seated with his eyes on her, “I came with Erik.”

Dashawn followed Y/N’s finger, spotting Erik and smiling wide.

“E?! You’re...” she trailed off, pointing her finger between both Erik and her.

“Yes, he’s my man,” Y/N gave Dashawn a soft smile.

“Oh, okay,” Dashawn nods her head again, placing some hair behind her ear before looking away with a flicker of annoyance. Y/N fought a smile.

“So, we’re gonna go next?” Y/N tilted her head at Dashawn with a bite of her lip.

“Of course!” Dashawn giggled nervously, “Sorry, it’s the drink.”

“No worries, you’re laugh is really cute.”

Y/N gave Dashawn one final look before walking away and back to Erik. The closer she got, she put her thumbs up at him, Erik smiling behind a cup of liquor.

“How was that?”

“Perfect. You had her drooling, ma.”

“I thought it would be so hard.”

Erik gave her a funny look, “Do you see how fine you are? You ain’t even have to do that and Dashawn ass would be staring.”

He was excited now.

“I wanna see you flirt with her some more. Show me how you would flirt with another woman.”

“You are a mess,” Y/N laughs.

“Nah, I’m hooked.”

Once the others were finished, Dashawn and Y/N started a game. Dashawn was really good. Y/N was impressed.

“You’re like, a fucking pro at pool.”

“My dad taught me,” She went her turn, making the shot.

“What is it that you can’t do?”

“I can’t sing.”

It was Y/N’s turn, “With a voice that cute I would have thought otherwise.”

Dashawn blushes, leaning against her pool stick. Y/N arched her body over the pool table, aiming for the ball she needed and making the shot. Her skirt was spread over her bubble booty, the back of her thighs catching the light from the pool area. Dashawn tilted her head when she thought Y/N wasn’t paying attention to check her out. Y/N lifted up, turning towards Dashawn with hungry eyes.

“See something you like, Dashawn?”

The girl was speechless.

“Your turn, beautiful.”

Dashawn missed her shot. She was so enamored with what Y/N said that she was thrown off her game.

“What happened to all those winning shots!”

“You’re distracting me!” The alcohol started giving her courage.

“How so?” Y/N was tipsy herself.

“You’re just so damn beautiful that’s why,” Dashawn slapped her forehead, “oh shit, somebody come grab this drink away from me! I’m hitting on Erik’s girl,” Dashawn pouts, “I know you’re off-limits.”

“If you say so,” Y/N went her turn. Dashawn gave her a look, ready to open her mouth to speak but Erik approached. Dashawn looked at both of them with an envious eye.

“Daddy, I have to finish the game,” Y/N couldn’t pull away from his tight hold.

“I’m horny, gimme some pussy...”

He was drunk off that Hennessy and he wanted to deliver some Henny dick. Y/N knew she was in for a long exhausting night including multiple orgasms and no feeling in her legs.

“Daddy...” she leans back from him, “Can I finish my game with Dashawn? I like being in her company.”

Y/N looked across the table, noticing Dashawn looking away quickly.

“Why don’t you and Dashawn exchange numbers after this? Keep in touch.”

“I already planned on doing that.”

“Oh, shit,” Erik kisses her neck, finally letting her go, “finish your little game then we’re leaving.”

She smiles, “fine.”

Dashawn ended up winning. Y/N informed her and everyone else that she was about to leave with Erik. Dashawn’s face fell slightly but the minute Y/N pulled her into a tight hug a blush replaced her somber expression. They were chest against chest, arms wrapped around each other's waists. When Y/N pulled away she gave Dashawn one final longing stare before licking her lips to speak.

“We should exchange numbers. You know...to hang out some other time.”

“Definitely. I’d like that.”

Both women exchanged numbers.

“Wish I could stay longer but,” Y/N tilted her head towards Erik.

“Oh, I understand. Have fun.” Dashawn gave Y/N a smirk before walking away.

———————————-

Erik has been thinking about it for a few weeks since Y/N confessed to being bisexual. Her and Dashawn hung out a few times but nothing actually happened between them. They just remained friends. That was cool and all and he was happy his girl was making new friends but he couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like having a threesome.

She had to be down for that.

After laying the pipe on Y/N for the second time that day, Erik peeked at his dick growing hard again under the covers, pushing into Y/N‘s ass.

“Again?” She asked in a sleepy tone.

“Do you even know what you do to me, girl?”

She sat up, the covers falling away from her large breasts, “Do you even know what you do to me?”

She pulled the covers back, climbing on top of him with a quake in her thighs. She was still sore from a couple of hours ago.

“Oh, I know,” Erik lines his dick up with her still wet pussy, “I remember how much I had to work to get you to even look at me.”

Y/N slid down his length with ease. She closed her eyes, reaching out her hands to place against his chest. Erik grabs her waist, thrusting his hips up into her slowly.

“You-you remember the first time we had sex?” Erik asked with a struggle.

“Of course I do, baby,” Y/N smiles before her lips parted, a soft moan rolling off her tongue, “It was so intense. I felt like a virgin again.”

“This pussy is still just as tight and wet as the first time,” Erik arches Y/N over him a little so he could thrust into her pussy deeper. Her ass slapped against his thighs and balls each time he bottomed out inside of her.

“Daddy,” Y/N asked between strokes, “I want to have a threesome.”

“W-what?” He was drilling her pussy at this point.

“I want to have a threesome!”

Erik slowed down, Y/N leaning back to look at him.

“I want us to have sex with another woman.”

“When?” Erik’s dick got harder inside of her. Y/N shivered from the stretch.

“A-anytime D-daddy. I-I really want it.”

“Fuck,” Erik could hear her creamy pussy, “Goddam, you hear that? Your pussy making them noises daddy like when he fucking you.”

Her pussy made loud squelching sounds.

“Hell yeah, I want us to have a threesome. Hell. Yeah.”

“Daddy, you’re so excited,” Y/N started fucking him herself, “You’ve been fantasizing about me eating pussy and getting my pussy ate and fucked by another woman?”

“How you gonna let another bitch eat that pussy?”

“Ima sit on her face and ride,” she rode him, working her hips.

“Mmm, I can’t wait to see that shit. My balls filling up with all this cum, Princess. You ready for me to nut in this pussy?”

“Yes, Daddy,” she bounced on him harder.

“Yeah, work that dick, show out baby.”

Erik has his hands behind his head but from time to time he would slap her ass.

“I felt that puss grip my fucking dick. You better cum all over me too.”

“Yeah, Ima cum all over you, baby.” She was in an entrancing and numbing state with his dick deep inside of her pussy.

“Fuck, Daddy, this big dick!”

She pressed hard into his chest, her body seizing up and her orgasm hitting her full force. Erik was close behind, thrusting into her with an almost blur of his hips before he pushed deep into her pussy, holding it there while his cum spilled out of his dick and in and around her pussy. Every time she spasmed his cum would spill from the sides of her pussy lips because his dick was still tightly sheathed inside of her.

“FUCK. You always have me doing this shit. This good pussy always makes me cum so much.”

She slipped off of Erik to clean up her mess. Erik watched her lick and suck him clean with low eyes.

“We gotta find a fine ass bitch for the both of us, baby girl.”

“Mhm,” She licked her lips clean.

“Gimme a kiss.”

Y/N kissed Erik’s lips.

“Let’s plan it next weekend,” She suggests.

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress@chefjessypooh@chaneajoyyy@pananegra@theblulife @becincere@blaqwidow91 @fish-outta-watah@moonlight-night-sky @eyeknowmywrites@crowngold@njadakillthiscookie@blktinkerbell@luvanxi@sheisexcellent1@chocolatedippedinhoney@brandithecrystalgem@dababydababydababydababy@soulfulbeauty19@btitannaaa@sunkissedebony97@youngblackndgifted@harleycativy @rbhp@thee-germanpeach@thadelightfulone@bugngiz@palmstreesallday@skylahb @bakaris-shorty@nizzle-mo

[a-dose-of-harold]

Once in a Lifetime: Chapter 20

Once in a Lifetime: A Harry Styles AU Imagine Series

I’m sorry that I haven’t updated for years; took me a while to find motivation and finally put what in my mind into words… so I hope you enjoy it!

All the love.xx

Chapter 20: The Muse

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

October 2019: Barcelona, Spain (Memories)

Zayn’s POV

It was the fifth morning of our vacation. The golden sunlight peaking through our resort curtains had woken me up from my deep sleep. I tightened my eyes and winced from the slight soreness in my arms and thighs. I felt her body next to mine and my heart skip a beat.

Flashbacks from last night with Y/N hit me and a smile slowly crept across my face; it was a night that I know I will always remember. The romance, the passion, the love… all of it was new to me. I honestly never had felt this strong about anyone in my life.

Last night I realized that I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her and it hasn’t even been a year.

I slowly inhaled and then exhaled as I opened my eyes. I looked over to my right to see Y/N sleeping peacefully on her stomach with her arms tucked under her pillows. The sun was hitting her body so perfectly and God, did she look flawless.

I slipped out of bed, pulled on my boxers and quietly tiptoed over to my bag and pulled out my sketch book and pencil set and began drawing her.

I have traveled all around the world, seen countless beautiful artwork and sculptures, visited the most amazing places and heard various pieces of music that changed my life… but nothing was a breath-taking as Y/N.

I drew every detail of her body that I could see; I added shadows, highlights, and even drew the texture of her hair that rested so perfectly down her back and along the pillow as she slept. Her steady breathing helped me focus as I worked my hands across the paper. I felt so at ease in her presence. She knew that I love to draw and paint her here and there, but she had no idea that I had began a small collection of just pieces that all pertain to her in my studio. She was my muse. She brought out this side of me that I never knew I had. She believed in me and always encouraged me to keep drawing and painting because she whole heartedly believed that one day someone will recognize my talents.

About an hour and half passed and I had finally finished, I smiled to myself as I tucked my drawing back into my bag and crawled in bed next to her and trailed butterfly kisses up her bare back and across her shoulders.

“Morning Zayn,” She whispered, eyes still closed. She snuggled her body closer to mine as she pulled the top sheet to cover us.

“Morning babe,” I grinned as I wrapped my arms around her naked body and kissed the top of her head.

She suddenly rolled over her body on top of mine, slightly confusing me. She picked her head up and placed a kiss on my lips blindly and began trailing kisses down my neck and to the other side.

Ooh.

I moved my head to the side for her to have more access to my neck, “Love… We have a lot of things to do today.” I chuckled.

She paused her movements and picked up her head and peaked through one eye, “Are you saying no to my lazy morning advances?”

She tucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and smiled before she began kissing my jawline and neck.

How in the world am I suppose to say no?

“I’m not saying no, I’m just… saying… that… we have a lot to do… today.” I breathlessly replied.

“Mmmm please, I want you,” She mumbled against my ear.

I felt my cock twitch and flipped her over; a giggled escaped from her lips, one of my favorite sounds in the world.

“Guess last night wasn’t enough for you?” I placed a kiss on her lips then neck.

“I can never get enough of you,” She grinned as she ran her fingers through my hair and crashed her lips into mine.

Damn, I am so in love with her.

September 2020: Manhattan, New York City (Present Day)

Your POV

Liam and Sophia were gone on their week long honeymoon in the Fiji Islands. I had been working like crazy all week since Eleanor and I had received new patients and had to run them through a series of tests, study lab diagnostics, and extensive research to figure out the best course of action. I had been getting headaches every single day from the stress, which was stressing me out even more because I couldn’t focus and I needed a clear head when it came to making a decision that affects my patients’ outcomes.

On another note, Harry and I have been inseparable. He and I could barely stand a few hours without each other. It’s like nothing I have ever felt before.

A few nights ago, I was absolutely exhausted after work and so was he; he had called me around 10pm after he got out of the shower and wanted to say goodnight. I honestly didn’t mind that he wanted to sleep at his own since work had drained me that day and all I wanted to do was sleep. After we said our goodnights to each other and hung up, I settled in bed and tried to sleep.

But I couldn’t.

I kept tossing and turning and going crazy because I was so exhausted, I knew I was, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I then realized that ever since Harry and I started dating again we hadn’t really spent a night without each other. It had become second nature to us to just stay at one another’s, so tonight was the first night I had been without him since June. I had just seen Harry this morning and already I was missing him.

I looked at my clock to see it read 11:36pm. An hour had already passed and as tired as I was, I was willing to drive over to Harry’s. I groaned as I sat up and grabbed my phone.

Just as I was about to call my boyfriend, I heard the front door to my condo open and jumped.

Only two people have the key to my place besides the landlord: Liam- in case of an emergencies; and Harry. I crawled out of bed and peaked my head out of my door to see Harry walking towards my bedroom with a duffel bag over his shoulder.

“Hi,” He smiled as he dropped the bag and wrapped his arms around me, “I couldn’t sleep without you.”

I returned his hug and kissed his lips, “I couldn’t either, I was just about to call you to tell you I was coming over.”

Harry guided us to my bed and lightly pulled me down next to him, “I’ve missed you love.”

We both settled into each other’s arms and within two minutes we both drifted off to sleep.

- - - - -

It was the Friday night before Zayn’s art show, Eleanor and I coerced our boyfriends into a double date since Liam and Sophia were still not going to be back for another couple of days.

“Are we really going to see an old film while sitting on picnic blankets?” Louis groaned as Harry pulled up to Central Park. Central Park was hosting a movie night for lovers, they had a giant huge screen set up with popcorn stands, cotton candy machines, soda stands and boxes of candies. 

“It’s not that old Louis, there’s color.” Harry grinned as he turned off the car.

“If you’re going to be a sore sport tonight then just hail a cab and go home.” Eleanor rolled her eyes, she was getting irritated because she looked forward to tonight but Louis couldn’t stop complaining.

Louis immediately knew from her tone that he needed to shut up before he pissed her off again, “No, I’m sorry love, I want to be here!”

I stifled a giggle as I climbed out of Harry’s SUV.

Harry grabbed the two blankets he brought, handed one to Louis, as I laced his hand in mine. We found a nice spot on the grass which had a good view of the screen and as Eleanor and I set up the blankets, the boys went to buy drinks and snacks.

“Have I ever told you how cute you and Harry look together?” Eleanor grinned as she sat down next to me.

“Nope.” I crinkled my nose and shook my head.

“Well you two do look adorable, and the way he looks at you… so full of love…” She began.

“That’s how Louis looks at you.” I pointed out.

“Yeah?” Her eyes lit up.

“Of course! Come on Eleanor! I tell you all the time that Louis’ completely head over heels for you!” I nudged her shoulder with mine.

“I know he is! He actually… told me that he was ready for the next step,” Eleanor mumbled.

“What?!” I turned my body towards her with my jaw dropped, “He is?!”

“Shhhh!” She brought her finger up to her lips but couldn’t hide her smile.

“But I don’t know if he meant marriage though!”

“What else could it mean?” I chuckled, “You guys live together, have a dog together, pay bills together… didn’t he also co-sign on your car? What else could he possibly mean?” 

“I don’t know! I just don’t want to assume anything when it comes to Louis, you never know what the hell goes through his mind!” She shook her head.

“That’s true-,” I was going to say something else, but we saw the boys approaching us and changed the subject.

After the movie we decided to grab a late-night dinner at one of Louis’ favorite burger joints.

“So are you two going to Zayn’s art show tomorrow?” Louis asked as we ate.

“Yeah,” I took a sip of my beer, “I’m going there first, Harry’s going to come after he gets off work.”

Harry just nodded in agreement since he had food in his mouth.

“Yay! Can we go together Y/N? Niall and Louis are going to come straight from their meeting and I don’t want to show up alone.” Eleanor batted her eyelashes at me.

“Of course! You’re going to be the prettiest date there and that I’ve ever had.” I winked at her and she jokingly blushed.

“Heyyyyy!” Harry furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at me.

“What?” I took another bite of my burger.

“What about me? Am I not pretty?” Harry pouted.

“Do you want to be called pretty, Harold?” Louis laughed.

“Well… I…” Harry didn’t know how to respond.

“Face it Styles, you have nothing on me.” Eleanor stuck her tongue out and flipped her hair.

“I agree with her on this one Styles,” Louis grinned as he rubbed one of Eleanor’s forearms with his free hand.

I kept trying not to laugh at Harry’s pouty face but failed as I wiped my mouth.

“Well fine! I’ll find someone that thinks I’m pretty to take me tomorrow night.” He jokingly huffed.

“You do that and see what happens.” I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh! Do it! I want to see what happens!” Louis taunted us and Eleanor nodded with a big smile on her face.

I shot Harry a playful glare before I leaned over the table and placed a kiss on his lips.

“Ew! Stop!” Louis groaned.

When we finished the movie, we joined Andy, Niall, and Katherine at a nearby bar around 11pm and caught each other up with what’s been going on in each other’s lives all week, on top of stalking Liam’s and Sophia’s Facebook photos that they posted of their honeymoon.

- - - - - 

Saturday Morning (Day of Zayn’s Art Show/ Present Day)

Harry’s POV

Damn it.

I bent over to pick up the cookie pan I dropped, thank goodness there wasn’t anything in there.

“Harry! What’s going on with you today my dear?” Claudia asked.

“I’m just a bit anxious is all.” I mumbled as I placed the dirty pan into the sink.

“Anxious about what?” Claudia dried her hands and leaned on the counter next to me.

I exhaled loudly and motioned for Claudia to follow me into my office, not wanting the whole staff to hear what was bothering me.

Claudia and I took the seat next to me and waited patiently for me to talk.

“I’m just anxious because tonight Y/N and I are going to her ex-boyfriend’s art show… he’s a new rising artist. I saw an article of him in the New York Times this morning about how his pieces are suppose to be beautiful… and I don’t know… I’m just over thinking a lot of things.” I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger and leaned back against the chair.

Claudia’s face softened, “Harry… what are you worried about? That she will go back to him?”

“Yes.” I finally admitted.

“Harry… but she chose you, did she not?”

I sighed again, “What if tonight she realizes it was a mistake? What if she sees how well his art work is doing and-”

“Is that the type of woman you think she is?” Claudia cocked her head to the side.

“No but-”

“Ah no buts,” Claudia held up a hand, “Imagine if she heard you thinking these things about her, as if you don’t trust her love for you.”

“I know… it’s why I’ve been a mess all morning, I feel like a terrible boyfriend for thinking that she would go back to him and my head is just spinning with crazy thoughts because I’m going to be half an hour late to the show tonight because we have that order.” I pulled the hair tie out of my messy bun and fixed it to make it look more neat.

“I understand where you’re coming from because I don’t want you getting hurt dear, but you are just going to make things worst if you worry about things that aren’t worth stressing over. She was with him and then even after 10 years she was still in love with you, I’m sure she loves you just as much as you love her… so please don’t worry so much.”

“I know, I know, you’re right Claudia. Thank you for talking to me. I’ve been keeping it to myself all day.” I cleared my throat.

“Yeah just take a few minutes alone and clear you head! Go for a walk or something! We have a lunch rush coming soon and we have to finish that cake before you leave,” Claudia stood up and straightened her pants before she put her hand on my shoulder and slightly shook it, “You’re an amazing person Harry, I’m sure her ex-boyfriend is good guy, but she chose you for a reason, believe in that reason.”

I grabbed my phone, wallet and pulled off my hairnet as I exited the kitchen and told Candice that I would be back in an hour.

I hailed a cab and gave him the address to Niall’s office as I clicked on his name in my phone.

Niall’s POV

“Did Harry tell you that we are going to Y/N’s ex-boyfriend art exhibit tonight?” I held my phone in between my cheek and shoulder as I shuffled through the dozens of files on my desk while trying to talk to Gemma.

“What? Come again? Y/N’s ex-boyfriend?” I heard Gemma’s shocked tone of voice on the other end.

“Yeah, his name is Zayn, he’s a really cool guy. I actually met him the same night Harry told me about him and Y/N… that was a strange night come to think of it.” I raised an eyebrow as I remembered catching Harry and Y/N making out.

“Why are you going to his art show?”  She asked.

“Well he invited all of us, sort of. He invited Y/N and Louis and told them to bring whoever they want. Actually, here, I’ll show article that The New York Times did on him.”

I quickly texted Gemma the article and continued searching for the documents I needed for work.

“New York Time? Whoa, he must be good.” I heard her say as I found the file I was looking for.

“Yeah, that’s what it seems like. I might buy a piece tonight, my home office is a bit dull, yeah?”

“It wasn’t dull the other week when you were fucking me on your desk.” She nonchalantly replied.

Her words took me by surprise and I almost dropped my phone.

“What?” I swallowed.

“You heard me lover boy,” She chuckled.

“You can’t say something like that when you’re not here, that’s not fair.” I cleared my throat as I sat up in my chair.

I heard Gemma giggle, “You weren’t complaining when we had phone sex yesterday.”

“Gemma, I’m going to hang up, I swear this is pure torture.” I groaned as I adjusted my pants.

“You wouldn’t dare hang up on me.” Gemma said oh-so-matter-of-factly but then I heard my phone beeped and saw Harry’s name flash across my screen.

“I would if your brother was calling. Gotta go, love you, bye!” I smiled as I ended our call and answered Harry.

“Harry! What can I do for you?” I cleared my throat.

“I’m heading over to your office, want to have lunch?” He asked, his voice sounding a bit off.

I looked up at the clock on my wall to see that it was almost noon, “Yeah I’ll order something for us and have it sent up to my office. I have to go through some contracts so I can’t leave the building yet.”

“Alright, that sounds good, see you soon.”

I texted Louis to ask him if he wanted me to order him anything and he quickly replied saying he was starving and to order him anything.

I called a nearby restaurant that I frequently ordered from, gave them my order, and continued reading the contract.

I heard a knock on the door ten minutes later to see Louis strolling in with his hands in his pants so I stood up to greet him like I always do.

“Whoa Niall, I know that wasn’t because of me or maybe it was, are you that excited to see me or did you get a new secretary?” Louis gestured at my pants and I felt my face flush red and quickly sat down to smooth out my pants.

“Fuck off, you twat,” I groaned.

“Hey! No need to get hostile! Geez just go call your girlfriend or something!” Louis chuckled.

“She’s the reason for my predicament.” I shook my head as I crossed my legs under the desk.

I saw a smirk form on Louis’ face, “Oh really? Did she send nudes?”

“Louis, shut up. Harry’s about to be here. Just drop it.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“You really need to get laid.” Louis clucked his tongue as he sat down on the couch that was in my office.

Yes, yes I do.

- - - - -

Saturday Evening (Present Day)

Your POV

I stepped back and smiled at myself in the mirror. I was very pleased with my hair, outfit and make up for tonight.

A knock on my front door pulled my attention away from my reflection and I hurried, knowing it was Eleanor.

“Y/N! You look gorgeous!” She squealed as I opened up the door.

“You look amazing!!!” I beamed as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my apartment.

“Who are you trying to seduce? Harry or the artist?” She teased.

“El!” I gasped and then frowned.

“I”m just saying! You have two guys that are head over heels in love with you…”  She clucked her tongue and then shot a devilish grin at me.

“El-” I started.

“I’m only kidding! But you do look pretty damn gorgeous, I don’t know if anyone is going to be looking at Zayn’s artwork cause they’ll be too busy checking you out.” She winked.

“Okay, please stop.” I laughed as I pulled her into my bedroom.

Eleanor and I did some last minute touch ups before we went down stairs to get in our Uber.

New York City on a Saturday night is always the same, busy and full of traffic. The ride to the art show made me feel a little anxious. I was constantly checking my phone to see if Harry would text me even though I know he was working.

I wasn’t sure what to expect tonight with Harry and Zayn being in the same building, but I really hope that it goes smoothly. Just as we arrived to the exhibit I got a buzz on my phone.

Hey love, I just finished up at the bakery and will be heading over soon. I’ll see you in a bit! - H

I quickly responded to Harry and placed my phone inside my clutch.

We all thanked the Uber driver as he dropped us off and made our way slowly inside. I was the last person to enter since the strap of my heel needed adjustment.

From the outside looking in, I could see a lot of people in the exhibit. I was so proud of Zayn for following his dreams and never giving up on himself. I stepped into the double doors of the building and walked to the exhibit entrance, a lot of the people began to look at me and whisper. I didn’t recognize a lot of them but they appeared to recognize me.

I thought perhaps I was being paranoid but I saw a group of people around a beautiful hand crafted sculpture by Zayn of just a naked body that seemed vaguely familiar, and people silenced as I walked by.

I tried to look around for my friends but then my eyes caught a glimpse of the wall of Zayn’s artwork and I froze: they were all of... me. All of...me. Zayn’s entire exhibit was pieces of art that all pertained to me.

I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what to do. All of a sudden people started clapping and I heard Zayn’s voice from behind me that pulled me out of my trance.

“Y/N, thanks for coming, it means the world to me that you could make it,” Zayn beaned at me as he held out his arms.

“Zayn... I... it’s all me...” I was flustered and couldn’t find the right words. Everyone was watching me and I didn’t want to ruin Zayn’s night so I just hugged him, still in complete disbelief. A woman in dark maroon pant suite standing next to Zayn nodded to acknowledge me and I could see her now understand who his artwork was about.

His work was breathtaking, not in the way that it was me, but his art style. I was speechless.

Elenor came up to me and pulled me to the side realizing that I was in a shock and needed her rescue.

“Y/N!” She whispered when she pulled me into a corner away from others, “first off, wow you’re absolutely gorgeous, and two, what the fuck?!”

“I really had zero idea that Zayn had this much art work of me! I knew he sketched me here and there when we were together but paintings? Sculptures? Photos? Everything... I’m so overwhelmed right now.” I could feel my anxiety building, my heart racing and my head beginning to pound.

“Y/N, I love you but you need to make sure that Harry does not see this because he will probably lose it.”

OH SHIT. HARRY!

I tried to open my clutch but of course I was having a hard time opening it. I was fumbling and finally just gave it to Eleanor because I was a wreck.

I unlocked my phone and called Harry but he didn’t pick up.

Moments later, Zayn stood up on a podium, and began to make a small speech. He thanked everyone for coming and talked about how he came from a family with a lot of love but little money, and wanted nothing more than to be an artist and he’s finally able to make that dream come true and he wanted to thank me, Y/N, for always being supportive and encouraging him to chase his dreams. “I wouldn’t be the man or the artist I am today without her and I’m so glad to have her in my life. She has been there for me through so much of my life. She is my friend, my muse.”

The entire audience clapped and cheered Zayn congratulating him.

The woman that I recognized from earlier walked next to him and asked for the microphone after whispering in his ear. Zayn’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Good evening ladies and gentleman, my name is Isabella Russo. I am the proud owner of Luhring Augustine and would love to thank you all for coming to support our new up and coming artist, Zayn. It has just come to my attention that every piece Zayn has graced us tonight has been purchased. Congratulations Zayn, you have won a permanent wall here at my art gallery.”

Sound began to fade as my eyes went wide. I could see everyone cheering and clapping but it was all white noise to me at this point. I felt someone grab my hand and pull me away. Thinking it was Eleanor but I finally looked up and saw it was Harry and my heart dropped. Oh no.

Harry pulled me out of the exhibit and outside into the front of the building, not realizing that I was having a semi-anxiety attack, Harry began to shout.

“How dare he just put you on display like that? Did you know? Of course you couldn’t have because you would have TOLD me! Did he even ask you for permission? Did you sign a contract or waiver? Who does he think he is? How fucking dare he just put a sculpture of your naked body for the fucking world to see?” Harry was pacing, he was angry and shouting.

“Y/N! Can you say something? What the fuck!” Harry roared.

I tried to blink back tears, “Harry I really had no idea, he never told me... I... didn’t know.” I felt my head began to pound, oh god not these damn migraines again.

Niall came out of the building and he could feel that there was a lot of tension between us. He smiled at me and walked up to Harry. “Mate, it’s handled. It’s also not Y/N’s fault and you know it.”

Louis and Eleanor quickly joined us outside, Eleanor coming to my side to make sure I was okay. While Louis handed Harry a drink.

“Breathe Y/N. Just breathe. Can I place my hands on you?” Eleanor asked, when I nodded she put her hands on my arms and rubbed them up and down to comfort me. Eleanor just knew me and tell I was having a semi-anxiety attack and god I love her so much because of it.

After I was finally able to compose myself and was able to process the events of tonight and speak. I walked up to my boyfriend, who was boiling with rage.

“Harry, you have no right to be angry with me. I didn’t know about any of this. You cannot be angry at me for something I cannot control.” I stood ground, “Zayn’s art is his art. I’m not going to stop him from doing what he loves.”

“Obviously you couldn’t control or handle it! Art? He put you on display like... like...THAT. I am not going to just let him do that to you.” He rudely stated. I saw something in Harry’s eyes. I had never seen this side of Harry, ever. He was always so kind, so generous... but this was... what?

“Mate, back off. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Louis stepped in between us.

“What do you mean like THAT?” I asked. Eleanor close behind me.

“Like you’re his girlfriend and like some OBJECT to be desired!” Harry shouted. And I just dropped my jaw in disbelief.

Then all of a sudden we heard Zayn’s voice break the silence, “She is not an object, she is much more than that to me. You have no right to be speaking to her that way. She didn’t know about this part of my work. It was my fault and mine alone. If you want to be angry at anyone then be angry at me.”

“How dare you just put her on display like that? Have you no respect for Y/N?” Harry growled at Zayn.

Louis and Niall had to step in between both of them.

“She has my most respect. She is my muse. I’m sorry that you don’t understand what it’s like to be an artist but I’m not going to apologize for my art work.” Zayn stated. He turned to me and thanked me for coming and apologize for not telling me in advance because he wanted it to be a surprise. My head began to pound even harder and my ears began to ring. This wasn’t the normal migraines anymore.

All of a sudden I see Harry trying to lunge himself at Zayn, while Niall and Louis hold him back and force him to calm down. Harry was trying to push his way through them to get to Zayn. But I moved between Zayn and Harry trying to make sure that no one was getting hurt tonight.

“Y/N get out of my way!” Harry bellowed.

“No.” I breathed trying to stay steady, “Harry, please calm down-” my was starting to blur and then all of a sudden...darkness.

The last thing I remember was seeing the rage in Harry’s eyes and then it was black.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

<3 M

[ninzied]

into the peace of wild things

a supernatural au for @carry-the-sky​. ever since you gave me a ‘kastle + the woods’ prompt i’ve been daydreaming about writing this fic. here’s how it all begins.

…

nyctophilia (n); love for darkness or night, finding relaxation and comfort in the darkness

mangata (n); the reflection of moon on water

…

Full moon tonight.

Frank’s felt it calling to him all day. A low thrum in his bones, his blood singing with the need to just – run. To get out of this life. To get out of his skin.

He feels the subtle shift in his breathing, shallowing out and growing more rapid as the sun makes its lazy descent in the sky. His heart rate kicks up a notch, and he feels simultaneously like his chest is too small and his body too large and too slow to contain it.

His muscles are tensing all over, like a spring just shy of some violent release the moment the smallest thing sets him off. He keeps to himself even more than usual, swinging his sledgehammer and hoping that the kid who usually tries to offer him a ride home doesn’t bother tonight.

It’s cold out. They’re at a demolition site, working their way through the interior walls, and the air this high up blows through in large gusts, unimpeded and unforgiving in its teeth-rattling chill.

Frank’s starting to sweat.

He shrugs off his jacket, swiping at the beads of moisture collecting at each temple. He can practically feel the minutes ticking their way into sunset now. He’s not even trying; it’s hard-wired into him, the countdown.

Fuck it, he can’t wait any longer.

He sets his tools down, leaving his jacket and the few other things he’d brought to his shift. Empty water bottle, a battered-up copy of Moby Dick that he knows the other guys wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. He’d tried reading a little during his lunch break, before his thoughts had gone all quiet and restless. It’ll still be there in the morning, after. He’s not going to need any of these things where he’s going.

“Dude, need a ride?”

Frank grunts his response without turning around. “Not today, kid.”

“You always say that,” says Donny with a laugh. “How do you get home, Castiglione? Don’t you live in the middle of nowhere?”

“Thought I’d go for a run,” says Frank.

Donny sounds dubious. “A run? Like, out there?” He gestures toward the large hole that comprises one outer wall of the building. They’re surrounded by trees on that side, glowing slightly around their brown, barren edges where the sun has touched down to give them a bit of color.

“There a problem?” asks Frank.

“Well, it’s just that—” and Donny’s voice lowers to conspiratorial levels. “There’s some shit that’s gone down in those woods. My grandmother said so. Well – not the shit part, she didn’t say that, but – hey, where are you going?”

“The woods,” says Frank.

No point in lying. On the other side of the building, there’s nothing but a single dirt road that leads back into town – when Donny doesn’t see him there on his drive home, he’ll know anyway. Besides, the kid’s got at least some sense of self-preservation; he’s not going to go traipsing into the woods after him.

“Just be careful, okay?”

“Sure,” Frank tells him, and starts to head out. He doesn’t have the patience to wait for the elevator – it stalls half the time anyway, which is always unpleasant – so he cuts across for the stairs, nodding a cursory goodbye to some of the other guys as he passes.

“Hey, wait,” he hears Donny yelling, “you forgot your—”

“Be back for it tomorrow,” Frank calls behind him.

As soon as he’s at the top step, he breaks into a light jog. It’s fifteen flights down, but his body’s been more than ready for the release. When he’s down to the last five flights, he glances around to ensure he’s alone before leaping them one by one, landing quietly on his feet each time.

He forces himself to resume a normal pace as soon as he’s outside. There are too many eyes in the building still – not that they’re looking, and it’s finally near-twilight – but Frank’s been too careful, after losing so much, to get found out by anyone now.

…

The moment he steps through the treeline, he feels like he can breathe again.

The woods close around him like the arms of an old friend, blocking out the sight of the building. The branches are still bare, recovering from the worst of the winter, but every so often, as Frank walks deeper into the trees, he spots a few budding green things here and there, and the trill of a lone bird tells him the rest of spring might not be so far off.

He walks for another hour, waiting for the sky to go as dark as it’s going to get for the night. It’s easier, now, to move slower, without any particular intent but to roam. His heart’s still beating twice as fast as usual, but he’s no longer caged in; there’s only space and more space out here, and soon enough nothing else is going to matter.

He eventually reaches the clearing and stops.

He toes off his boots and tugs his shirt over his head before heading toward the edge of the pond. The moon sits full and bright in the water, and a shiver of anticipation works its way up his spine as he stretches.

It always hurts, the transition, like each time is the very first; but it’s a pain that he’s not only learned to live with, but welcome.

He lets his gaze drift up to the small wooden bridge, just on the other side of the moon.

His chest clenches tight for a moment.

For a moment, he hears Lisa’s laughter as he swoops her up over the low rail, letting her feet dangle freely above the water. I’m going to let go, he says, blowing raspberry kisses into her belly as she laughs, and laughs. You ready? On the count of one…two…

No you’re not, Daddy, she tells him, like he’s just said the funniest thing in the world. No you’re not.

Frank blinks hard and turns away.

It’s time.

He takes a step back toward the trees, feeling the tingle of moonlight on his bare skin. He rolls his shoulders back, turning his neck from side to side, grunting with each telltale crack of bone.

He’s reaching to shuck off the rest of his clothes when he hears it.

Frank whips around, senses keening. He crouches down low and spider-crawls the rest of the way back into the relative dark of the forest. Peering out into the clearing again, he sees the bridge undisturbed, the full moon motionless in the water.

And then he goes still, and he waits.

He’s not sure what it was that he’d heard the first time – for all he knows, it could have just been some other critter, trying to live its life in the dark same way he is.

But when he gives the air a sniff, it doesn’t smell like any animal he’s known before.

The seconds stretch into long periods of silence. His knees are starting to ache a little from squatting, and this new spike of adrenaline in his blood has nowhere to go but in circles the longer he stays here unmoving.

He straightens himself, inch by inch.

And then he hears it again.

There’s a scrabbling noise, like something scratching into bark – a small but solid thudding sound, followed by a stifled cry of pain.

Frank takes off in a sprint without a second thought. Whatever else he might have heard, there was no question in his mind that that last sound had been unmistakably human.

He smells the blood first.

At least – he thinks it’s blood.

His first instinct tells him it’s something floral – roses, he thinks – which makes little sense. Roses don’t grow in these woods. But underneath its dewy sweetness, there’s a tang of something else in the air too, like the roses are made of metal.

He slows his steps, listening hard.

There’s another low, muffled whimper – it’s softer, now, but close enough for him to make out the shallowing breaths in between, the slowing of its movements against one of the trees up ahead.

The wind shifts, sweeping its chill past his bare shoulder. Whatever is there with him suddenly stills. Even its breathing seems to just – stop – for a moment as the breeze reaches it, and Frank tenses, realizing that it must have smelled him too.

What are you?

He stands there a moment longer, waiting for the air to resettle. His hands come down to his sides, and he holds himself still, ready to do whatever is going to be necessary. But this – other creature is badly injured, and even if it’s here to compromise him in some way, it would be poor form if he attacked first.

“Whoever you are,” says a woman’s voice, faint but firm in the darkness, “Just make it quick. I don’t have all night.”

Frank steps forward, into the moonlight.

She’s well-hidden, nothing more than a voice between shadows on the other side of the pale swath of grass that he finds himself standing in. It wasn’t for lack of his sharpened senses that he hadn’t been able to make out the rest of her until now.

She has the figure of a woman, but she’s no more just a woman than he is just a man.

As he approaches, she shifts back a little, but there’s a defiant square to her shoulders that tells him it’s not in her nature to go down without a fight.

Even though the fight’s already come to her.

Her skin is so white that she looks almost ghost-like. But there’s a spark in her eyes that’s the color of sky and steel, and it holds him back at a distance, just enough to take measure of her wounds as she takes measure of him.

She’s in a sleeveless dress of some light blue gauze, but she doesn’t appear to be shivering. Frank catalogues this information for later, his gaze drawn instead to the clustered red welts running jagged down the length of each arm. The fabric of her dress is shredded in places too, a deep bloom of red spreading slowly up one side of the hem where it’s plastered against her thigh.

He kneels down next to her, and she lashes back against the tree, hissing through her teeth.

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey, shhhh. It’s okay. Hey. I’m not going to hurt you.” He raises his hands in a gesture of goodwill, gaze steady on hers. He might have imagined it – it could have been the dark playing its usual tricks on the light – but for a split second, her blue eyes glow just as bright as the moon.

He knows he’s not imagining the two pearly white fangs peeking out when her lips part in a silent warning.

That answers one of things he’s been wondering about her.

“Just – let me take a look at it, yeah?”

She stares at him, like she doesn’t quite know what to do with the fact that he’s still trying to help.

“Fine,” she grits out at last.

Slowly, carefully, he peels back the hem of her dress. There, in the upper part of her thigh, are two crescent-shaped puncture wounds, going deep into the muscle. The bite is fresh, but the skin around it is already curling, blackening with the first signs of decay.

Frank’s vision tunnels dark for a moment. He feels his pulse up to his ears, drowning out all other sound.

He can sense her eyes on him as he works, tearing off a strip of her dress and wrapping it tight around her thigh. It might be enough to stop the bleeding, for now, but the bleeding itself is not what’s concerning to him.

“You’re one of them,” she says. It’s a question, and it’s not.

“It’s just me,” he tells her. “I’m alone.”

It’s a struggle, to keep himself steady. Her words have confirmed what he already knew.

He would recognize a wolf bite anywhere.

“Who did this to you?” he asks her, his voice low and terrible.

Her nostrils flare once. She raises her head, as if in challenge, and tells him, “He won’t be a problem anymore.”

“Good,” says Frank, and means it.

They can’t stay here, he thinks. He has to get her out. No other wolf he’s known has ever traveled alone. Whoever it was that bit her – the rest of them might not be far behind.

He reaches for her, and she bares her teeth at him again, though he thinks it’s more out of surprise than anything else.

“If this bite isn’t the thing that kills you,” he says, “something else will, I can promise you that.”

“You mean if you don’t get around to it first?” But her fangs have receded, and she’s looking at him with more curiosity than caution for now. “Why should I trust you?”

“Afraid I don’t have a good answer to that,” says Frank matter-of-factly. “But something tells me you’re not really looking that hard for one.”

For the first time, he thinks he sees a flicker of fear cross over her features.

“But you know what I am,” she says finally. There’s another question just under the surface, like she’s still trying to understand something about him.

“Maybe I do,” he tells her. “Never actually met one of your kind before.” He looks her directly in the eye. “Doesn’t mean I know who you are, any more’n you think you know me. But I am gonna do what I can to keep you safe, you got that?”

“Sounds like I don’t have much of a choice.”

He almost smiles at that. “Guess you don’t. C’mon.”

He lifts her up, one arm under her knees, the other braced around her shoulders. Her skin is blessedly cool pressed to his – he runs even hotter than normal, around this time of the month, and he still hasn’t had a chance to transition and let off some of that steam.

Later, he thinks. He hoists her closer, careful not to jostle her leg.

The scent of the roses grows stronger, and he becomes vaguely aware of the fact that her mouth is inches away from his pulse.

“So what do I call you?” Her breath feels like the mist off an icebox, but there’s a distant quality to it, and when he glances down her lids are fluttering closed.

“Frank,” he says. He’ll have to keep talking, to keep her awake. “Your turn.”

“Karen,” she tells him. “My name is Karen.”

“Okay, Karen.” He takes off in a jog, ignoring the burn of the uneven ground against his bare feet. “Karen, you’re safe with me, okay?” And he hopes to Christ that he’s not wrong.

[moonstruckholland]

Happy Birthday? (p.p)

(the gif has nothing to do with the fic, I was just too lazy to make a moodboard 😂)

Word count: 2,284

Warnings: tiny bit of angst, hella fluff

A/N: This is my submission for @farfromhaz and @angelhaz11's writing challenge! Go send them some love! Anyways, here's writing number two of the night! I really hope you guys like it! Definitely feel free to send any and all feedback, it would make my spooky day even happier 🧡 (I'm technically late but it's still Halloween somewhere so shhhh it's okay)

Sharing your birthday with your favorite holiday, even if it was Halloween, wasn't always as fun as everyone would assume.

Believe it or not, people actually forgot your birthday. You couldn't fully blamed them, Halloween was amazing. What could compare to the candies, scary movies, and fun costumes? Definitely not your measly little birthday parties, especially as you grew older and everyone was trading in trick or treating for Halloween parties that went on for hours into the night.

But you couldn't lie and say it didn't hurt your feelings growing up when you walked into your classroom expecting just one "Happy birthday" and instead getting, "Happy Halloween!" followed by a "Oh, it's your birthday isn't it?"

It hurt your little child heart so much, you decided at the age of 9 to stop telling people your birthday and pretended it already passed whenever someone asked. It was dumb looking back on it now that you were an adult, but back then it seemed like the only reasonable solution.

The only person at school who knew your birthday was your best friend and crush of many years, Peter Parker. You didn't tell him purposely, he stumbled into your apartment window one night in high school, bleeding and in a daze, and you were getting ready for a birthday dinner.

"You look really nice, can I ask where you're going?" He voice was raspy as you cleaned the cuts on his face.

"You don't get to ask questions when you've been hiding the fact that you're freaking Spider-Man."

He decided to keep quiet for a while, not wanting to push you. You waited until he looked less like death to say something.

"It's my birthday," you mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

"It's your birthday? And you didn't tell me? I'm your best friend!"

"Don't start with me Spider-Boy," you glared at him for moment before softly adding, "I haven't told anyone in years."

"Why?"

"Everyone would forget, so I figured no one can forget if they don't know, saves me from being stressed."

"Well, now that I know, I'm never going to forget."

You rolled your eyes, "Don't make promises you can't keep, Parker."

He kept his promise, making a big deal of your birthday every year. One year he snuck you out of your apartment at night and swung you around the city, showing you places you hadn't known existed.

Another year, he brought you to a halloween party at the Stark tower. You never thought you'd see Captain America wish you a happy birthday personally, but it was one of the greatest experiences of your life.

It honestly didn't matter what he did, the fact that he cared and bothered to remember is what made it truly special. You were sure as long as Peter was in your life, you'd always have a special birthday.

Well, maybe not this year. So far today was the worst birthday of your life.

You woke up very late, apparently forgetting to set your alarm the night before. You rushed to throw on clothes and get as decently presentable as you could rushing to make it to your midterm.

“If you’re late, don’t bother showing up,” you could hear your professor’s shrill voice as you practically sprinted to your car.

You drove to class like you were in one of the fast and the furious movies, definitely breaking at least one law in the process. Luckily for you, the roads seemed to be empty, one gift from the universe. You knew if Peter weren’t already in class, he’d probably be with you right now, chastising you for your horrible driving,

‘I could really use Peter right now, swinging to school would be much faster.’

It was then that you realized Peter hadn't sent you his usual good morning happy birthday text he always sent, in fact you hadn't heard from him at all since you threw your into studying yesterday. You stomach clenched with worry for a second before you quickly pushed it aside, remembering you had to run to class.

You made it to your statistics class with minutes to spare, barely. You would’ve felt relieved, except the second you sat down to pull out your materials, you came to the realization you left the cheat sheet your professor allowed you to bring in your folder, laying on the exact spot you put it before passing out last night.

‘Fuck,’ you wanted cry. That dumb piece of paper was your key to passing this test and it was at home. You obviously had no choice but to take the test, so you told convinced yourself the studying you did last night would be enough, trying your best to think positively.

You didn't fail, but you definitely didn't get the grade you wanted. After more than an hour of answering questions, working them out on your scrap paper, you ended it with a 72. You beat yourself up about it the whole way home. The only thing you were looking forward to was seeing Peter and your lovely roommate Casey, and the delicious chocolate chip cookies she made just for you.

You couldn't help smiling as you heard Peter laughing from down the hall. You often came home to Peter already there, a perk that came with giving him a key, making food or literally hanging from the ceiling while studying.

"At least he always keeps me on my toes," you mumbled under your breath, wondering how you'd find him this time as you unlocked your door.

Much to your surprise, he was just sitting on the couch, Mean Girls playing in the background as he played what looked like some sort of star wars game on his phone.

“Hey, Pete!” you called out, closing the door behind you.

“Hey,” he barely looked at you, too into his game.

Taking a seat beside him, you sighed dramatically, laying your head on his shoulder while you waited for him to pay attention to you. That didn't happen for another 15 minutes and you wondered how he could be so into a game that he couldn't even play on one of the many game consoles Mr. Stark has bought him over the years.

"So," he said after finally putting his phone down, "What's the plan for today?"

"Oh, um, I thought maybe we'd swing through the city and go to our little spot?"

"I was thinking we'd do something different?"

"Like what?" You were suddenly filled with excitement, knowing Peter always came up with the best plans.

"You know that cute girl from down the hall? She invited me to one of the sorority parties and I thought we'd go together."

"You and the girl from down the hall?"

"No, silly," he nudged you gently, "You and me."

The excitement started to slowly fade away as you realized he was being serious, he wanted to go to a Halloween party, he probably wanted to meet up with the cute girl, he forgot your birthday.

"Um, sure! Sounds good." You gave him your best fake smile, trying not to cry on the spot.

He didn't seem to notice, going on about the exam he took a couple of hours ago. You nodded at the appropriate timing, making it seem like you were fully invested, and you wanted to me, but you were so hurt you could barely focus.

Eventually, Peter got up to leave and you hated to even think it, but you were relieved. Until you heard his goodbyes.

"I'll see you in a bit, okay?"

"Yeah," you said quickly, practically pushing him out the door.

"Oh, and tell Casey her cookies were delicious."

"What cookies?"

"Her famous chocolate chip ones."

You sighed, "Did you at least save me one?"

You knew his answer from the look on his face, the immediately blush coloring his cheeks and the way his eyes wouldn't meet yours.

"I'm sorry! I forgot! She can make more, right?"

'That isn't the only thing you forgot, Peter.'

Now you weren't sure if you wanted to cry or lunge at him, but Peter was out the door and down the hall before you could do either.

Closing the door behind you, you decided to settle for the former, tears spilling down your cheeks instantly. A part of you hoped Peter was just messing around and would knock on your door any second now, telling you it was all a joke and he would never forget your birthday.

But as more and more time passed, you knew he genuinely forgot.

You tried giving him the benefit of the doubt, tried giving him a chance to realize his mistake. Hours later, when he came to pick you up, it didn't seem like that was going to happen either.

He greeted you at the door like nothing, "Do you like my costume?"

Even upset with him, you couldn't help laughing as he twirled in his Spider-Man suit. "Again, Peter?"

"What? You can't go wrong dressing up like Spider-Man!"

You agreed with him, though you still hoped he was only joking about the party.

He wasn't, he swung the two of you a block away from the sorority house. You could practically smell the booze from there.

'He really brought me to a party.'

You tried making the best out of it, flirting with cute guys and girls, but it wasn't much fun considering most of them were so drunk, they could barely speak properly. And you knew regardless of how much you flirted, there was only one guy you were actually interested in.

So, after an hour and half of torture, you found yourself outside, playing games on your phone while you waited for Peter on the steps.

He came out not long after, sitting beside you, "Are you having fun?"

You barely looked at him, "No, not really."

"Y/n?" He put his arm around your shoulder, "What's wrong?"

"Everything? From the second I woke up this day has been so shitty, I left my notes and tanked my test, you ate the last cookie, which was mine, by the way," you took a moment to pull away and glare at him.

"Then you brought me here, and what hurts the most is my best friend forgot my birthday," you voiced cracked as you finished your sentence, betraying the cool composure you were trying to keep.

Peter opened his mouth to say something, but you honestly didn't want to hear an explaination, you just wanted to go home and leave this day behind you, "It's okay, just take me back to my place?"

He didn't object, looking around for any witnesses before throwing on his mask, picking you up and swinging away.

You didn't open your eyes on the way home, you instead pretended it was a normal night filled with fun and dumb you and Peter things.

'Like it should've been.'

When Peter finally set you down, you were not on the fire escape by your bedroom window. You were on the roof of your building, twinkle lights and candles everywhere. There were tables full of your favorite food, and one had the most beautiful birthday cake you had ever seen.

Peter pulled off his mask, "Did you really think I would forget?"

"I-" you were speechless, he was messing with you.

"It's not over yet," he smiled, "You can come out now."

Instantly, all of your friends and family popped out from underneath the tables, yelling out "Surprise!"

You were immediately flooded by your loved ones, everyone wishing you happy birthday and showering you with love. You were overwhelmed with happiness, tears of joy falling down your cheeks for the first time that night. You couldn't believe Peter did all of this for you, and managed to trick you.

You let yourself have actual fun. It was much easier considering everyone was coherent, plus you were once again blessed by the presence of the avengers. It was hard not to have fun when Thor and Tony were around.

Later on, you snuck away, finding Peter and pulling him to the side. You smacked his arm the second you were alone.

"You ass! I can't believe you did this!"

"I couldn't let this be a boring birthday!"

You rolled your eyes, "You couldn't at least tell me happy birthday?"

He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck, "I wanted to pull a sixteen candles moment."

"And what was that with the party?"

"You had to be distracted while Casey baked your cake."

You shook your head, "You really thought of everything, huh? It's perfect, Peter. Thank you."

"I, um, actually have one more thing for you."

"No gifts! This was already amazing."

"Well," he blushed, looking down at his feet, "It's more of a question."

"Okay..."

"Would you maybe want to go out on a date?" He asked so quickly, you almost didn't catch the question.

'Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,' was all that ran through your head.

"Or not! That's okay too, it's just Mr. Stark told me you liked me and I should make a move because I've liked you for years," Peter rambled.

Your heart literally melted at his words. He's liked you for years? And you didn't know? How stupid could the two of you be?

"Peter," you took his hand in yours, "I would love to go on a date with you."

"You would?"

"Absolutely," this time you looked away shyly, "I've liked you for a while too."

He smiled brightly, letting out a little sigh of relief.

It was right then you knew nothing would be able to top this, it was truly the best birthday ever.

Tagging: @fangirlwithasweettooth @bravest-at-heart @ravenclawmarvel @rachramblesstuff @angelhaz11 @fairytaleparker @parkerpuff @arielweasley @devildisguiseasangel​ @nedthegay​ @parkeroffline​ @petersmparker​ @lovinnholland​ @tomhollandsumbrella​ @awkwardfangirl2014​ @officiallyunofficialperson​ @babebenhardy​ @sleepybesson​ @its-the-unknownspidey​ @antoouu​ @petersstarcadet​ @thollandx​ @xxxxdelenaxxxx​ @smexylemony​ @kxrtwxgner​ @styles-balor4eva​ @80sthottie​ @meghan-8520xx​ @marshyrebelcloud​

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 23

Let Me Feel as Hurt as You Do

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC; Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. Loss, Grief. Anxiety attack. Someone gets mad. A very slight implication of mentioned abortion, but not by word, by context. (This chapter focuses some on Steve and Ana)

Words: 14,639k words. Ha. Ha. I’m sorry.

A/N: Again, sorry for taking so long to update. From Jan-March 12th, I was completely booked soild at work. And then, this virus happened and I got laid off and oh look! A new chapter! I hope everyone is healthy and staying safe and staying inside. Here is a 14k+ chapter for you. (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) 

Previously: Ana had a full on energy bursting breakdown. Steve ran after her, causing him to feel his own energy drain, and leaving small cuts and bruises on his arm, left by Ana. Time is told by weeks of pregnancy. 

A pounding pressure circles Ana’s entire head, as if her brain is trying to squeeze itself out through her skull. Her nose is clogged, her mouth slightly open to breathe, to taste the air that no longer smells like Bucky; the last thing she had been trying to hold onto. At least this way she can’t smell the scent of him fading away from the fabric of his shirt she’s wearing. Instead, the air faintly tastes like charred earth.

Her eyelids are heavy, swollen from the tears that have yet to stop. Ana sits silently, gaze transfixed through the floor to ceiling windowpanes where the glass had shattered, decorating the ground like crystals.

Wet tracks have stained patterns on her cheeks, tear after tear. Her mind is thankfully blank for the time being. Just focused on watching the glass reflect off the lights in the compound and the glow of the moon. Her vision begins morphing the reflections together like dark watercolors. An odd flutter in her stomach rolls through her, gently pulling her from the depths of her mind; the colors had begun to form a dusty orange landscape.

“Hey, think you feel up to drinking this for me?”

Blinking back to awareness, Ana watches as Carol wiggles a little jar in front of her. That same elixir she had made her drink on occasion; it truly helps her feel better physically. Carol hands her the vial, their fingers touching. The moment of contact stirs the energy within Ana, causing her body to tense up abruptly. It lasts for a moment, before the tension eases into something calmer than she’s ever felt. It’s different, welcoming, and Ana finds her hand covering the other woman’s to chase that odd serenity.

“What?” Ana breathes, confused.

Carol offers her a friendly smile. She leans a tad closer. “You and I, don’t think we’re that different, power wise.”

“I don’t understand?” She blinks a few times.

Ana is utterly exhausted after her outburst, yet she could still feel the light turmoil of her energy prickling just under her skin. Now, her energy is finally beginning to settle, feels similar like the rings Shuri gave her.

“I’m stabilizing your energy levels,” Carol explains smoothly.

“You-you can do that?”

“Didn’t know until right now, figured I’d try it.”

“You’re so powerful,” Ana whispers, inhaling slowly as her body finally relaxes. “Much higher than my level of- this.” She vaguely gestures to her own body with her free hand. She allows herself a few more moments of Carol’s touch before taking the bottle from her.

“Then it’s something we can chat about later, once you’re feeling better,” She promises. Then she smirks. “And when you don’t look like you got swallowed whole then spit back out by a Flerken.”

“What’s a- never mind,” Ana sighs tiredly, opening the jar.

“Slow sips, alright? Rest for a few days. I have more if needed.”

She nods in silent gratitude. Carol pats her shoulder twice, though Ana doesn’t feel the same comforting flow she did just a minute ago. She also doesn’t miss Carol’s head jerk to Natasha as she walks away. Natasha follows her, and if Ana wasn’t as drained as she is, she may had been more curious.

When she finishes the elixir, Rhodes and Steve help her stand and make her way to her room. She briefly notices small spots of blood on Steve’s sleeve. She frowns, but Rhodey asking if he can make a call to Pepper, and would it be okay with her, distracts her. Ana nods, struck aware that she hasn’t spoken to her cousin in two months.

Another realization overcomes her as the men assist her down the hallway. Ana had been unintentionally horrible the past three months to everyone around her. She didn’t just shut off her emotions, she shut out her friends.

*

Just twenty minutes after she’s in bed, a light tapping sounds at the door as Ana slightly readjusts her sitting position. Apparently being reacquainted with her emotions also comes with new pains and aches; her lower back for one. Ana finally gets her pillows in the right position, nearly forgetting someone is at the door.

It cracks open, Natasha peaking her head in. “Is it alright for me to enter?”

She sounds so formal. Ana can’t blame her. “Uh, y-yeah,” She clears her raw throat. “Yes.”

The corner of Natasha’s mouth cracks with a sad smirk before her face goes back to unreadable. She gently shuts the door behind her, moving toward the bed, Ana shifting her legs over to give her a space to sit. Which she does.

Ana bites her lip hard, nervous about Natasha’s pending anger. Worried Nat will give her a verbal lashing, even though she knows she deserves it. Her skin prickles with the apprehensive energy in the room. She inhales shakily, counts to five in her head before exhaling, rubbing her hands over the bottom curve of her growing stomach.

When Natasha finally speaks, her voice is unreadable. “Ana.”

Ana nearly flinches hearing her name. She makes the briefest of eye contact with the former spy. A single tear escapes Ana’s left eye, despite her efforts to keep them at bay. Natasha slowly reaches out to- what? Would she actually slap a pregnant woman? Flick her off? Make another rude hand gesture? Ana breaks their stare, ashamed- and isn’t that quite amazing to feel that now. Shame for how she’d been for the past three months.

Instead of a sharp stinging slap, or a bruising pinch, the gentle hand laid on her shoulder genuinely shocks her. Ana shoots her gaze up again, another tear overflowing. There’s a softness in Natasha’s eyes that she hasn’t see in so very long, her green eyes glassy. Her fingers apply pressure to Ana’s shoulder a moment before her shoulder is pulled forward a little. The motion makes her chin tremble, biting her lip still, nearly hard enough to draw blood.

Natasha exhales sadly, a little huff of air before she fully pushes Ana closer. Suddenly, she has Ana’s face pressed to her neck, and her other arm is hugging her tightly around her back. A hug. Nat is giving her a hug, one she doesn’t deserve in the least. A comforting, supporting hug. Something Ana hasn’t felt in months.

Tears flow freely down her face once again. Natasha holds her as best as she can, her fingers digging into her skin.

“I…I,” Ana stutters between hiccuping gasps. “Nat-“

“I know, I know,” Natasha replies softly. “Shhhh, I know, Ana. Apology accepted. Just let it out now. I’m here. It’s okay.”

Ana wraps her arms around her as much as she can manage, fingers pressing into the solid form of comfort. She nearly cries herself to sleep that way. Barely conscious enough to realize Natasha moves her back and covers her with a blanket before she succumbs to sleep.

For once, Ana has a dreamless slumber.

*

Steve rubs his thumb over the already scabbed over crescent marks on his forearm, noticing the faint bruising around them too.

“Glass get ya’?”

Rocket’s voice grabs his attention, going back to sweeping his pile of shattered glass into the dustpan.

“No, just-“ But Steve stops because he doesn’t have an excuse. Not to mention he’s sure everyone witnessed everything.

“She always been strong enough to draw blood from a super soldier?” Rocket continues casually, finishing his pile before jumping up on the arm of the couch. Eye level with Steve’s arm now.

A brief memory flashes through Steve’s mind of Ana accidentally clipping Bucky in a sparring match outside their hut. It led to a busted lip, Ana apologizing profusely while straddling Bucky and him looking up at her with proud adoring eyes as if she hung the moon.

He mentally shakes the memory away. She always had a hidden strength about her, but never enough to physically bruise them with just a grip of her fingers.

“No, this would be new.”

“Has no one noticed her growing strength these past weeks?” Nebula muses lowly, studying a small device in her hands. She fiddles with it, then points it at the first pile large of broken glass. “The minuscule signs of her powers becoming unsteady?”

She presses a button, a short burst of purple light shoots from the device. Suddenly the pile is gone, nothing but a wisp of smoke before it fades. Steve in utter shock, is impressed with the tool, and vaguely thinks if they had that a while back it would have saved them a lot of clean up time in previous home attacks.

“Uh-“ Steve begins.

“Oh, let me do the rest!” Rocket demands, hopping off the couch and grabbing the device as Nebula holds it out.

“The light charred marks on tables,” She continues, her dark eyes locking on Steve’s. “The-

“Dent marks? Yeah,” He says, leaning against the back of the couch. Rocket cackles as three more piles disappear. Steve continues. “Didn’t catch the first signs though.”

“Ana is…fascinatingly powerful. More than any of you realize.”

Crossing his arms tightly, Steve frowns in perplexed curiosity. What has this woman from another planet seen in Ana that no one else had noticed. That he himself hadn’t paid attention to. “Care to elaborate?”

“The sheer amount of energy she released,” Nebula pauses, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Was extremely similar to that of-“

“Captain Rogers, you have an incoming call from Mrs. Stark.”

FRIDAY’s interruption could have come at different time than this. Steve drops his arms as he pushes himself off the couch.

“We’ll talk about that later,” He tells Nebula, heading toward the conference room.

She nods, then snatches the device from Rocket just as he was about to test it on a lounge chair. Steve ponders her words over in his head, some pieces coming together from the past month. He did noticed the perfectly scorched hand print on the bedside table in Ana’s room tonight. However, speaking to Pepper takes precedence at the moment.

*

Five days pass before Ana remembers the details of her breakdown. Five days before she connects the spots of blood on Steve’s arm was her doing; granted, she had slept soundlessly for most of those days. Her body seeming to finally catch up on a decent amount of sleep and beginning to heal from her emotional stunted issues. As in, she’s been overly emotionally now, like her hormones are speeding up to make up the past three months.

It was recommended by Pepper, after Ana had a long overdue conversation with her, that she should watch cute animal videos, or light comedic movies to lift her spirits a little. It worked for one day before she came across a fluffy kitten video and started crying at how cute the little kitty was.

Now, Ana gingerly gets up to use the bathroom, her bladder clearly smaller and being constantly pressed on. Instead of getting back in bed however, she leaves her room in search for Steve herself. That, and she suddenly has a craving for mango pizza again.

“What the hell are you doing walking around?” Rocket greets her as she rounds the corner to the kitchen.

“I’m hungry,” She replies with a pout, slowly moving to the freezer. “Have you seen Steve?”

“There’s plenty of people here to bring you food, take advantage of that, Barnes.”

Ana halts for a moment hearing her last name, the little “space raccoon” as Rhodes likes to call him, only knows her as Ana Barnes. She inhales slowly, then pulls open the door.

“And would you have brought me food on a tray?” She shoots over her shoulder, voice teasing. She nearly forgot how it feels to tease someone.

“What do I look like, a servant? I meant use the others.” He replies flippantly.

For the first time in a long time, Ana cracks a smile. A small chuckle even escaping past her lips. She turns to glance at him, and swears she sees a little smirk from him too.

“Ana? What the in hell are you walking around for?”

Ahh, there he is. She closes the door, but keeps her hand on the handle for support. “Looking for you, and hungry.”

Steve fixes her with his disapproving looking before he suddenly looks surprised. “You’re hungry?”

“Yes.”

He sighs. “Go lay back down and I’ll make you something.”

“No, this is specific-“

“Could’ve just asked FRIDAY to call someone.”

“I disabled FRIDAY from my room, remember?” She reminds him awkwardly as Steve begins to usher her back. “Two months ago.”

“Right. What’s this specific food you want?”

“Mango piz- wait.” Ana stops, wincing at her abrupt movement. She looks over her shoulder again after she takes a steady breath. “Rocket, is that my glock? And my knife set?”

Rocket had gone back to doing his task before she had entered, popping his head up to acknowledge her.

“Oh, yeah,” He answers lightly. “Stole them from that shooting range here. You ain’t using them right, full belly and all? No? Good. Couldn’t find your metaled arm husband’s gun, figured I’d clean these instead. In case you decide to have another cool outburst- I mean, breakdown, they’ll be of use.”

Ana just stares as Steve covers his laugh with a cough.

“That okay?”

There’s no snark coming from him, just a teasing glint in his dark eyes. She can’t pinpoint why, but Rocket cleaning her long forgotten weapons and clearly knowing they were hers, touches Ana more than she thought it would. She recalls him handing her Bucky’s gun after the incident; which is now carefully put away in the closet.

“The smaller knife on the right is spring loaded,” She informs him with a small smile. “Used to be inside the boots I wore. It’s a good knife. Take care of them all.”

Rocket grabs the knife, finds the switch and springs it open. He salutes with it as Ana follows Steve back to her room.

An hour later has Steve serving freshly made pizza with chopped up mango pieces on top. Ana already feels bad the second he came in. He takes one look at her grimacing face and groans, setting the pie down on the bedside tray.

“You’re no longer craving this, are you?” He guesses, dropping the paper plates as well.

She shakes her head. “Sorry.”

“Hungry for anything else?”

“Did I hurt you, that night?” Ana abruptly questions. It’s the whole reason she wanted to find him in the first place. Not for food.

“What are you talking about?” Steve frowns, hands on his hips.

“Nat’s always been right. You’re a terrible liar, Rogers.”

He sighs, sitting down on her bed next to her legs. “Ana, you weren’t aware of draining my energy.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” She replies, then grabs his left arm.

Ana pushes the flannel sleeve up to his elbow, pulling him closer to see better. Five very faint crescent shapes on his arm are barely visibly in the light but they’re there. Four in a row and the fifth just a few centimeters to the left. Ana traces the shapes with her finger, his skin smooth from any scabbing.

“I saw blood on your sleeve that night,” She informs him, raising his arm to her eyes for a better look. She turns his arm side to side, no resistance from him. “Thought maybe it was the glass. It wasn’t.”

There. Ana keeps his arm at a slight angle, and the smallest discoloration of yellow stands out against his usual peachy skin tone. “I held onto your arm.”

“Yeah,” Steve confirms calmly. “Dug your nails in. Had a pretty strong grip there.”

A thought runs through her mind, causing Ana to drop his arm. She very suddenly does not want Steve to put any of his own thoughts together. Calling herself out on the cuts was a bad idea, and anxiety shoots through her chest. She doesn’t want anyone to know or to possibly connect her oddly growing strength. Ana herself has been aware it for weeks.

“Sorry I hurt you,” She rushes out. “Sorry,” Ana repeats kinder. “For everything.”

Steve looks like he wants to continue the subject, then thinks better of it. “Don’t worry about apologies right now, okay? Just take it easy for the next week, try not to stress yourself out, Ana. Once you’re feeling better and off bed rest, we can revisit it.”

“Okay, yeah. Sounds good,” She agrees, mentally breathing a sigh of relief. Though she can’t help feeling like her and Steve are treading on thin ice.

She shifts around, adjusting the pillows. Steve helps her, mainly making sure she doesn’t accidentally fall off the side. Ana feels exhausted again, her lower back aching as she finally finds a position comfortable enough.

“Apparently turning your emotions back on makes you realize you’re actually pregnant.” Ana huffs, half on her side.

“’Bout damn time,” Steve snips instantly. Ana quirks an eyebrow. “I mean! I didn’t mean for that to sound rude. I just meant, sometimes it felt like you didn’t…care.”

“Steve,” Ana begins solemnly after a short pause. She looks him straight in the eye, stressing her next words. “Natasha said the same thing to me. If I did not want or care for this baby. I would not be pregnant anymore.”

It’s silent between them as her words sink in. She can see in his eyes when he comprehends her meaning. Steve drops his head for a moment, before he meets her gaze again. He takes her hands in his, squeezing.

“And we would have supported you with whatever decision you made,” Steve tells her just as serious. “We still do. Support you. That’s all any of us wanted to do. We’re…we’re your family now. We’re here for you and little Barnes in there.”

Ana scoffs to cover the tightness in her throat. “You’ve always been my family, Steve. Well, at least for the past seven years.” That earns her a chuckle. “Thank you.”

“You look tired, get some rest.” He releases her hands and begins to stand.

“Actually, I kinda want the pizza now.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t hide how happy her eating seems to make him.

*

Ana cautiously makes her way to the bathroom, pressing her hands to her lower back as she walks. She turns on the sink, cupping her hands under the faucet and presses the cold water to her clammy face. Sighing in relief, she repeats the notion until her face feels clean of sweat. Body aches and mild hot flashes bringing the clammy skin, her ankles beginning to swell just a little. It’s almost as if her body is reminding her of the growing human inside her uterus with a vengeance. Payback for now finally feeling everything from her lack of feeling nothing for weeks.

However, she does take comfort in the facts that the baby is healthy and her most of her vitals are back to normal. Ana reaches for a washcloth on the counter, patting her face dry. She catches her gaze in the mirror once she’s finished, and stares.

Dull dark eyes peer back at her, the golden dots just matte specks. Grayish-purple circles are prominent against unusually pale skin tone. Highlights the fine lines of her lower eyelids, lines of exhaustion, stress, loss. Her face has thinned, looks sullen from lack of smiles, of laughter. The white of her eyes bloodshot, either from tears after so long of not shedding them or just lack of sleep.

Ana’s reflection startles her. This is the first time she has truly taken in her appearance in months. Too afraid to see the failure in her eyes of not saving Bucky in time. Of not stopping Thanos. Of the loss of life in her own eyes. She takes a step back, seeing herself entirely.

Smoothing her damp hands over her stomach, she grabs the hem of her- Bucky’s- shirt, lifting the material just under her breast. Which, have also grown bigger in the past three months. It’s not as if she hasn’t noticed her body growing, or seen her belly before, considering she has a top view of it every day, but this. This feels different.

Her skin has obviously accommodated the growing baby, proof of stretch marks on either side of her belly button that now pokes out. The old bullet wounds on her abdomen have stretched out as well, and the last few letters of her rib tattoo just barely affected. Ana traces her fingers over the new marks, then sees the slight movement of her belly in the mirror. A slow smile spreads across her lips, because this is different, and her mind drifts into another memory.

Ana shivers, legs tangled with strong muscular ones on the bed. Clothes long since scattered along the floor, a shirt on the lamp, bra on the mirror.

“Can’t wait to see your belly grow,” Bucky murmurs thickly. Nose grazing around her navel for the umpteenth time.

“Bucky,” Ana whines, breath ragged and pleading.

“Gonna look radiant, love.” He continues to praise, lips burning a trail of flames to her hip. “So fucking beautiful. My girl, my amazing wife.”

He stops his kissing, turning his head to lay his ear and cheek over the lower part of her stomach. His breath hitches as he listens, as her fingers sink into his long thick hair scratching his scalp.

“It’s the most beautiful sound in the world,” Bucky exhales, voice strained with emotion. “That little heartbeat. God, I can’t wait to feel this little jellybean move in there.”

Ana, despite wanting her husband to have his focus between her legs, laughs. “That’s what you can’t wait for?”

Bucky kisses her bellybutton, then her scars. “And many more, but, yes. My ma told me-“ He hesitates for a moment, as if he’s shocked he reminds the memory. “Whenever my sisters moved around, they were waving at me. Like they couldn’t wait to meet me.”

“Bucky, sweetheart,” Ana’s voice is a gentle sigh, fond and full of adoration. “This baby definitely can’t wait to meet you either.”

He hums. “I used to sing to them, when my Ma was pregnant. Said they could hear me. So, I talked to them every day. Like I’m going to talk and sing to our little one every day.”

Overwhelmed with how much she just fucking loves Bucky, Ana tugs him up to her, cupping his cheeks and giving him a deeply passionate kiss. His fingers tracing her stomach, over and over, until he finally lowers them.

A dull jab to the left side of her stomach pulls her back to her reflection. She chuckles wetly, tears escape as she blinks. Because this. This is her finally coming to terms.

“I can’t wait to meet you, little bean,” She whispers. She moves her hand to the same spot, feeling their baby moving around.

This. This is Ana finally connecting.

 25 weeks:

Another dream. The same dream. Over and over and over. Each time, ashes slip between her fingers the moment she touches Bucky. Each time he gives her that sad smile. Each time he speaks her name so tenderly. Each time, no matter what she does to try to save him, dust ingrains the lines of her palms, settles heavily in her lungs.

Each time she wakes with tears, panting and struggling to breathe. The only difference now is the ache in her chest, the stabbing pain through her heart, a haunting in her mind, and the shredded frays of her soul. The only thing that comforts her now, is the sound of Bucky’s voice recorded on the kimoyo beads.

Like clockwork every night, Ana hears Steve’s soft footsteps, a defeated sigh. On the eighth night, this changes. Steve finally knocks, cracking the open door she no longer keeps locked. Ana waits with her head in her hands for him to come in and sit on the edge of her bed.

She takes a few calming breaths before speaking. “What made you finally come in?” She inquires, face still hidden in her palms.

“How did you know I was there?” Steve asks bemused. He doesn’t wait for her answer. Instead he says, “Figured it was about time. Your nightmares. It’s what led to your...breakdown.”

Ana remains silent. He’s not wrong.

“I have nightmares too. So does Nat, Rhodey, all of us. Not sure about Nebula though, she’s more stoic than you were.”

She chuckles slightly at that, but still doesn’t look at him. She can feel his nervous energy radiating off him though, and it’s overwhelming to feel her ability again. There’s still an odd sort of tension between Ana and Steve. Makes her skin tingle and nerves jumpy, she almost wishes Carol were here instead.

“You don’t have to talk about them. You don’t have to talk to me about anything.” Steve continues, his voice morphs into a desperate hint of a plea. “Just, please don’t shut me out again, Ana.”

Frowning at her hands, she remains still, allowing him to talk.

“I mean,” He says quietly. “You shut everyone out, but it was worse with Natasha and I. Especially me. You never looked at me. You still can hardly look at me. I think I know why, and…I am so fucking sorry.”

Finally, Ana picks her head up, shocked and confused. But Steve’s eyes are staring off to the side, his hands twisting his fingers around. She follows his line of sight, to the picture of her and Bucky on their wedding day. When she looks at him again, his jaw clenches as he swallows.

Abruptly he stands up, but Ana reaches for his arm, grabbing his wrist. She sees him wince and realizes her grip is too tight. She quickly releases him as he stares wide eyed at her. She opens her mouth to ask why he apologized. Maybe ask why he’s suddenly leaving after he’d been pacing back and forth listening to her nightmares for weeks.

But a strange sensation shoots through her lower stomach and she gasps, hands immediately going to the spot. “Oh, fuck,” Ana whimpers with a wince. “Baby didn’t like that move.”

“Are you okay!? Do I need to call Dr. Hammond?” Steve asks frantically.

“No, no, I’m fine,” She reassures him, the pain fading. “Just moved too fast is all.”

Steve hums like he doesn’t quite believe her as he shakes his wrist out. “You look abnormally pale, lost your tanner complexion.”

Ana shrugs, not mentioning the lack of sun and definitely emotional stress is part of it. Instead, she attempts to reach for the nightstand drawer. Steve beats her too it, pulling out one of the vials of the elixir. He pops open the top, handing it to her. She nods her thanks.

“FRIDAY,” Steve addresses the AI that was reinstalled days ago. “What’s the read on Ana’s vitals?”

“Body temperature is normal, heart rate slightly elevated at 150 bpm. Fetal heart rate is normal range at 153 bpm. Mrs. Barnes blood pressure remains low at 90/60, however there are no other signs of distress at this time.”

“Thank you,” He says, seeming to relax just slightly.

“Mrs. Barnes, you haven’t taken your medication tonight, and your water intake has been minimal today. I can print out some prenatal yoga exercises and breathing techniques for you. I’ve noticed your sleeping pattern hasn’t improved enough to be considered healthy. Your appetite has improved quite a bit though.”

“This is why I disabled you in the first place,” Ana grumbles as Steve’s gaze narrows at her.

“I was truly impressed you bypassed my firewall, I was also hurt by your action-“ FRIDAY responds. Ana makes an indigent noise and swears FRIDAY sounds snippy. “-As I do care for your wellbeing. As does Mr. Stark.”

“Okay, that’s enough, thank you!” She snaps. The AI goes silent. Ana ignores the thick lump forming in her throat at the mention of Tony.

“Drink your water and take your medication.” Steve’s tone leaves no room for agreement as he gives her both her cup of water and the bottle of meds.

She does as she’s told, swallowing the pill and taking slow sips of water. She can feel her body relax and the baby roll around until it decides the position it’s is good enough.

“I don’t mean to continue to shut you out,” Ana confesses suddenly, eyes meeting Steve’s who was about to leave. “I’m still just trying to process feeling again. It’s overwhelming and I’m trying to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. The whole reason I did it in the first place, Steve, to was protect my child from any negative affects through me. You may not believe me, but everything I did, everything I’m trying to do is to protect my baby and keep it healthy.”

Sighing heavily, she puts her cup and bottle down, leaning back against her pillows. “Haven’t done a great job though.” She adds as an afterthought.

“I believe you,” Steve says, staying by the door. A shadow flickers in his blue eyes, and the energy around him changes darkly before it’s gone. “I just…sometimes it just feels like-“

Ana frowns because he just stops talking, shaking his head. Something is bothering him, and she swears it’s more than just shutting him out. He’s anxious about it. “Feels like what?”

“Nothing,” He gives her a nearly convincing smile. “It’s late, you should try going back to sleep.” Steve exists after that, closing the door but stopping the last few inches. “Ana, I’m here. If you need me. For anything.”

“I know,” She whispers as he shuts the door.

Ana covers her face again with her hands, inhaling slowly. She can still smell the faint ashes from her dreams, can still feel a phantom touch and realizes with a start, that she is not the only one to lose Bucky.

**

Finally, Ana is off bed rest, Dr. Hammond visiting once more for a check up and seemingly much happier with her health. She mentions the pains could possibly be Braxton Hicks contractions, a sign of her body beginning to prepare for birth. There’s only three months left and it’s this information of her body preparing to welcome a tiny human into the world, that Ana is appalled at herself. For a few reasons.

The first is Ana herself is not prepared whatsoever for a baby to arrive in three months. The second is knowing she hasn’t spoken to Pepper hardly at all, and rushes up to Rhodey. She all but interrogates him, asking if Pepper is angry. Demanding to know if Pepper is alright. Inquiring if the family is okay, and quickly questioning about Tony.

“Glad to see your rambling is back,” Rhodes quips, a smirk teasing his mouth.

He has been sitting in one of the conference rooms, apparently talking to whichever US Government leaders were left. Ana had come to find out that Thaddeus Ross was one of the many to disappear in “The Snap” as Rocket now refers bitterly to it. Ana however, doesn’t know how she quite feels about that bit of information. A bitter satisfaction does curl in her chest though.

“You sound a little like yourself again,” He continues, shutting off the holograms.

A deep ache throbs in Ana’s heart, and she doesn’t have the nerve to tell him that she cries almost every night now. That she spends more time watching and listening to a recording of her husband than talking to anyone else. Ana’s heartbreak remains the same as it was three months ago.

“I’ll be your go between just a little longer,” Rhodey says, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “But you both need to speak to each other on your own. He still doesn’t know.”

“Oh.” Ana startles, feeling oddly hurt that Tony doesn’t know she’s pregnant. “Um…do you know why?”

He shrugs, standing up and adjusting the orthotic around his waist. “Pep thinks it should come from you personally.”

The third reason is the fact that while she shut her emotions off, Ana also deliberately shut off any help. She knows Natasha was hurt by it, knows she was pissed to hell, but her and Ana had a long two hours talk about everything. More apologizes from Ana included.

Ana decides it’s time to let people back in, because, as she swallows some bit of pride, she cannot do this alone. She finally calls Pepper, crying on the phone to her cousin because, fuck does she miss her husband, and this is the first time she’s truly allowing herself to feel every ounce of her pain and heartbreak and emotions. After a good hour of that, she goes back to her first reason; being appalled and angry at herself.

“I don’t have anything, Pepper!” Ana whines into the phone. “I’m not prepared. I don’t have a crib, I don’t have clothes, diapers! Wipes!? I don’t even have a damn blanket or pacifier! Oh my god, what if the baby gets sick and I don’t have that little nose sucker thing or a thermometer!? No little socks! This baby’s poor feet are going to freeze because it’s horrible, emotionless fuck of a mother couldn’t-“

“Whoa, hey! That’s enough, Ana!” Pepper scolds. “Take a breath, bug. You can’t work yourself up again like that. It’s going be okay.”

Pepper’s promise holds up. Within a day of their conversation, Pepper stops by with bags and boxes of baby supplies. Some are hand-me-downs, most everything else is new. Boxes of diapers, wipes, bibs, neutral blankets and little onesie’s. Pacifiers, nail clippers, a soft brush, a bathtub, socks, and beanies.

“Who’s Morgan?” Steve questions as he helps carrying in the last box. That he sets down in the living full of people, Morgan’s Baby Stuff written on the top.

Ana freezes with the veggie fruit smoothie Natasha made her, pressed to her lips. Her eyes shoot over to Pepper. Her cousin looks guilty for all of three seconds, before she sighs and shrugs.

“My two-year-old daughter,” She informs, likes it’s the most casual thing to drop that two-year secret. “Tony- both of us, decided to keep it a secret after your falling out.”

The shock of Tony Stark having a daughter ripples through the room.

“You all went your separate ways, most of you off the grid in hiding.” Pepper explains, hands on her hips. “If anyone is angry, then get over it. It was our decision to keep our privacy and family safe from public knowledge.”

“Oh, um, congratulations?” Steve offers awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Ana snorts against her cup, nearly splashing her face with liquid veggies. Pepper mutters her gratitude, and that’s that. They continue to carry the gifts further into the room.

“I already knew,” Natasha confesses quietly to Ana, tilting her glass up to make sure she drinks. Of course she did. The infamous spy she is.

Ana glares at her as she takes over dramatic gulps as Nat, who’s hair is slowly turning red at the roots, rolls her eyes.

 It takes a few hours for Pepper to coax Ana to leave the compound and go to a store. Ana makes it halfway down the driveway to the car and stops. Her hearing has grown sensitive, and she knows why, however, she doesn’t hear much of anything.

The birds that used to sing in the trees and woods are silent. There’s zero scurrying feet over the dry leaves on the ground, and the feel of the air around her is…heavy. Broken and hurt. And here she is, about to shop for her child, for her and Bucky’s child.

Without him. Broken and hurt.

“I can’t do this,” She mutters, turning back to go inside.

Pepper doesn’t force her or convince her again. Instead, they pick and order a crib, highchair and anything else she needs.

As Ana rests, watching in a daze as Pepper folds little towels, she places one pile next to Ana. Shifting her eyes, she sees a onesie that says “Little Bean” with three coffee beans decorating the front. Pepper lays matching socks on top, oblivious to Ana’s reaction. She reaches for the tiny socks, the cloth soft in her hand.

“Annie Doll, come look!” Bucky shouts excitedly from the front door. “Ana!”

They had just gotten back from the hut, and she wants to shower the smells of hay and warm weather off. Ana sighs fondly, doubling back from the bathroom. She stops in the living room when she sees a gleeful Bucky holding up a package of six socks. Six, tiny baby socks.

“What in the world?” Ana laughs in bemusement. “Where did you get those? Oh, they’re so cute!”

“Shuri! Well, no-“ Bucky corrects himself as he comes closer. “She helped me navigate one of those baby store websites and I saw these so I ordered them!”

“Bucky, you know I’m only six weeks in right, babe? We have so much time to buy all the socks!” Though as she says it, her heart swells with warmth and love over Bucky’s excitement.

“Yeah…but look!” He nearly shoves the small things in her face. “Baby goats! They had goats on them and I just- what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Ana can’t control her face, or her suddenly wet eyes. She just grabs her husband by the nape of his neck and kisses him firmly. She drags him to the couch, because she won’t make it back to their bedroom.

Remembering that day, Ana gets up too fast, pausing as a wave of dizziness hits her. She waits until it passes, then begins to frantically pull open drawers, searches through her closet, through boxes. She finds nothing as she throws clothes and drops objects to the floor.

“What are you looking for?” Pepper questions cautiously.

“I-I can’t find them.” Ana says with a shaky voice. “I need to find them. I have to find them.”

“Ana-“

“He bought them,” She mumbles, ignoring the tears falling down her cheeks as she rechecks the top drawer. “He bought them. He was so excited, and I can’t find them. I-I need them for Bucky. He bought them for the baby.”

A hand on her shoulder makes her turn and burry her face into Pepper’s chest. “I can’t find them!”

The socks Bucky bought aren’t in her room, which means. The six little pair of goat socks are somewhere in their home in Wakanda. It’s such a small thing, but it breaks Ana all over again. Feeling like her body is being ripped in two once more.

Reminds her that the black hole in her chest will never be whole again.

 27 Weeks:

Nothing gets easier. Ana almost shuts her emotions off again, a few times, until she ends up have a conversation with Nebula one night. It starts off with a game she said her, and Stark played while they were drifting off in space. She takes out a thick triangle, Ana immediately recognizing the little paper football.

Ana smiles sadly at the triangle, remembered when Tony played the same game with her as she recovered in the hospital after her brother had attacked her. The game moves on from light comments, to Ana teaching her simple card games. From there, is transpires deeper. Nebula brings up her suspicions of Ana’s nightmares and growing powers. Unknown as to why she does, Ana opens up to her.

“I thought it was because I was stress free in Wakanda. I was the happiest I’ve ever been.” She recalls somberly. “I was with the person I loved more than anything in my life I had Bucky.” Ana wipes the tears that escape her eyes. She takes a moment to gather herself as Nebula waits patiently.

“I had, have these rings that help regulate my energy. I haven’t been wearing them lately though, maybe that’s why? Or the growth of my hormones with the baby? Or-“

Her right hand slips slightly, her fingers grazing over the stone embedded in the last knuckle of the glove. She yelps, either from pain or the new surge of power coursing through her.

Ana blinks, the memory flashing through her mind. Reminding her.

I touched an Infinity Stone, doesn’t seem to be something Ana should confess just yet. However, Nebula was born on a different planet, and the daughter of that horrible titan. She may possibly know more about the stones than anyone else.

The first time Ana had been in close proximity to Nebula, she felt energy and emotions just as chaotic, and dark as Bucky’s had been; if not a little more. It had to be Nebula’s own moment of vulnerability, suffering so deeply from pain and lose and rage. Since then, she had been stoic enough for Ana to sit close to her, just to feel energy that wasn’t openly heavy. Maybe it’s why Ana decides to tell her.

“Nebula,” Ana begins quietly, urgently, hoping no one is overhearing. “If I tell you something, do you promise to keep it a secret? I’m trusting you here.”

Nebula isn’t one to express her thoughts or emotions, or anything for that matter on her face, but this clearly shocks her. Her dark eyes are wide as she sits back. Nodding once she leans back in, closer to listen to Ana.

“I, I think I touched one of the Infinity Stones,” She mutters, nervously rubbing her hands over her stomach. “I’m sure of it.”

A beat passes. “No Terran can touch a stone without damage. Or death,” Nebula states ominously. “It is not possible.” Though as she says it, her words drift off in thought.

“Don’t you know all about the stones? Does Rocket?” Ana can’t help but inquire.

She shakes her head, eyes looking oddly disappointed. “I only know one of their main functions. Some were simple, straightforward, like the Power Stone. Others were more complicated. My father was never one to spill the secrets of each stone he found.”

“Maybe that’s the one I touched? The Power Stone?” Ana foolishly asks with hope.

“Do you recall the color?”

“No,” She huffs, defeated. Abruptly she doubts herself. “I’m not even sure if it really happened anymore.”

Ana doesn’t elaborate, feeling rather silly for even mentioning it. Maybe she dreamt it. Maybe she was hit so hard it knocked her brain around a little. Maybe she was so emotionally distraught that she just fabricated it. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything.

“You have dreams?” Nebula questions, bringing Ana back.

“I have nightmares,” She corrects. “Always the same, like a strange world.”

“Your physical strength has grown since touching the stone.”

“Yeah,” Ana drawls out, wincing. “That’s…that’s not part of it, I think. Wait. You’ve noticed that? My-my strength?”

“I have. You could be a lethal warrior if you wanted.”

Internal panic tightens her chest. She hoped no one was going to notice; leaving bruises on Steve was one thing, possibly passable and could be forgotten. Even her newly sensitive hearing. But the cracks in objects that aren’t easily crackable? The broken hinge of the door to the roof when Ana pulled to hard? Those aren’t as easy to explain or hide.

“Is that another secret, Barnes? How powerful you have become?”

“Please,” She sags, abruptly feeling tired. “It’s not something I want to talk about yet.”

They don’t speak for a few minutes. Then Nebula makes a tiny smacking noise against the table. “I win.”

Ana looks down at the game of war they paused to talk. Nebula’s duel card is an Ace. Ana flips her over. It’s a Queen.

“I enjoyed that,” Nebula states coolly, gathering the cards messily. “I am going to beat Rhodes now.”

Ana is left laughing softly in the living room. Her panic slowly dying down.

28 weeks:

Entering her seventh month of carrying a human being inside her has really taken affect on Ana. Her hair has gotten much longer, thicker than it was. It’s probably the only thing Ana likes. The heartburn, light sciatic pain, and lower back pain and peeing every five minutes she could all do without. Thankfully, Ana’s vitals and the baby’s have been good enough for Dr. Hammond, who once again stresses the support group for expecting widowed mothers.

Finally relenting, Ana agrees, but with a blush on her face asks Natasha to go with her. The drive isn’t too far, and it’s the first time she has left the compound since Wakanda. There’s a significantly less amount of cars on the road, barely any traffic for a Friday at 5:30pm. The lack of birds and planes flying through the sky. The absence of bikers and runners.

Clenching her hands into fits, Ana rolls her shoulders back, taking a deep breath. Her skin prickles with new energy, new emotions, especially when Natasha stops at a red light. Ana meets the eyes of the person sitting next to them; a middle aged man with vacant eyes. The light turns green and as he drives away, there’s a sticker family on the back of his car; a wife and five kids.

The radio turns to static, then shuts off. Biting her lips, Ana tries not to think of every single person who lost their families, friends, children, the love of their lives. The confusion, the horror, the guilt people must have felt, still feel. Ana’s breathing begins to rapidly pick up, and that same clenching pressure makes itself known in her lower stomach.

“Nat,” She grits out, closing her eyes in an attempt to calm herself.

“Are you going into labor in my car?” Natasha deadpans, a hint of humor behind the flat of her voice.

“No,” Ana huffs a strained chuckle. “But I can’t do this. I thought I could. But my energy…”

“Figured with the radio, just don’t shut car down either. I’m turning around right now, don’t worry. Just count your breathing. Slow inhales and exhales. Touch around you if you need too. You’re alright Ana”

How ironic, Ana thinks vaguely as she follows those instructions, for someone titled an Empathetic Healer to have her own anxiety attacks. To have someone who used to come to her, be the one coaching Ana.

Fuck, she misses Bucky with every aching molecule.

Bucky was so good, so attuned to her, that he was always able to calm her down instantly. All he had to do was gently brush his metal fingers against her hand, or cheek. All he had to do was give her a tight squeeze with his right hand, or press his forehead to hers and silently breath with her until Ana had followed his calming pattern. Or press her hand to his chest like she had done since the beginning. Coo gentle, loving words to her. Even now, she hears that phantom call of her voice.

“Have you picked a name yet?” Nat’s gentle voice provides a slight distraction.

She takes her time to answer. “Not-not really. We considered a few, but it was still too early.”

She hums. “I assume Bucky was excited?”

Remembering how Bucky ran out of the room and spun her after the positive result, Ana smiles to herself. The undeniable glee that lit up his entire beautiful face, his eyes the bluest she had ever seen then, shinning with tears. The kisses her placed on every inch of her body that night, taking his time to set every one of her nerves on fire. Brought her to the highest of highs, just to bring her crashing down into him, safe, happy and loved.

Ana isn’t aware she’s silently crying until the tears drip off her jaw and land on her stomach. Soaks into the fibers of another one of Bucky’s shirt, because when she wears them, it’s like carrying him with her wherever she goes. Ana wipes her tears with trembling fingers.

“Yes,” She answers belatedly. Despite the shuddering breath she takes, she feels like she can breathe better. “Ecstatic.”

“Did you know that little shit Rocket, stole my egg rolls and ate all four of them!” Natasha abruptly informs her. “Nearly threw hands with a raccoon.”

The sudden change from her vicious threatening voice to her pitiful grumble and the story itself, has Ana breaking out in laughter. It’s a liberating feeling, getting to laugh as brusquely as she did. Lessens the tightness in her chest a little more. She laughs for two minutes straight, Nat joining along with her.

“Thank you, Nat.” Ana whispers after they’ve calmed down.

“I swear if another apology follows that, I will punch a pregnant woman in the arm.” Though as she threatens this, Ana can see the coy smirk on her mouth.

Instead, Natasha reaches over, squeezing her hand. She tries not to feel all of Natasha’s anguish, but the little she does get, reminds her that she’s not alone in this aftermath. Ana returns the gesture with a harder grip.

“Now, fix the damn radio, would you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

*

The next two nights pulls Ana straight to sleep after she gets comfortable on her left side. She’s so tired the past 48 hours, that her mind finally shuts off, and she has dreamless nights. It doesn’t stop her waking up feeling guilty, like she missed the dreams on purpose; it brings the same agonizing ache as always.

It also never stops from calling out to her while she’s conscious. As if her soul is angry that she missed that dream world for two days. Something happens following lunch three days later, while everyone is gathered around the kitchen island.

Annie.

The soft whisper is like a trance caressing her body, a lovers call inside her mind, beckoning her back. Back to sleep, because she knows, without a doubt, she will end up in that world. The strange orange world, where the sky looks like the burning afterglow of raging fires. The odd world with wetless water, an unknown little girl, an ominous door.

There, in that place of illusion, does she hear his voice loud and clear. Calls her by her name, lifts his hand to gently fit his palm along the curve of her cheek. He’s there, always with that sad little smile. His eyes so incredibly blue, so tender, yearning as if he misses her.

In that world, is Bucky.

In that world, Ana can steal just a few moments feeling Bucky. Against her skin, in the air. His breath in her lungs, his beating heart in the empty cavity of her chest. For just five short seconds, begging for time to stretch, pleading for time to freeze, Ana has Bucky in her soul.

Annie.

Her sharp inhale brings her out of her own daze, dropping her face in her hands. She shakes her head, resisting the urge to just take a nap, allow herself to fall into that water once more. Sometimes, she wishes she could just sleep and not wake, to stay forever with Bucky in that world. Then maybe, maybe she could save him.

“Bucky,” Ana barely murmurs under her breath. Tears stinging behind her eyelids. “Bucky. I miss you. I miss you.”

She leans forward, until she rests her head on a solid surface, face now hidden in the crook of her arm. She right hand grips the edge, fingers clenching as she hears his voice in her head again. Her soul cries out for its missing half.

“Ana? Everything okay?”

She makes a noise, can’t tell if it’s a confirmation or not. Her chest feels like it’s tightening. The baby jabs a sharp kick, or a punch, aimed right at her ribs. It’s enough to jolt her back to reality, and she slowly pushes herself up straight. She meets the concerned gazes of six other people.

The lights of the compound are flickering again, the air heavy with dampening energy. Nebula is the closest to her, and carefully reaches over to uncurl Ana’s fingers from the death grip on the counter. Bits of granite and dust sprinkle to the floor, Nebula leans over the cracked spot. Ana gives her a curious look, then quickly meets the gaze of everyone else. She makes eye contact with both Steve and Natasha, keen green and blue eyes not fooled by the cover up.

“Are you feeling alright?” Carol questions, stepping closer. “Your energy levels seem to be spiking.”

“Y-yeah! Yes! I’m fine!” Ana quickly reassures. She inhales and exhales deeply, and the lights steady. “Uh…the baby. Yeah, the baby was just moving around a lot is all. I’m fine, feel fine. Honest.”

Natasha sighs, suddenly looking tired and leaning her hands on the counter. She shakes her head, then her and Steve share a look. A silent conversation. Steve nods once.

“Ana, I think it’s time to talk about something you’ve been trying to hide,” Natasha speaks calmly.

“I’m not hiding anything,” Ana denies. She’s usually better at lying than this. “I told you, pregnancy has thrown my energy off a little, that’s all.”

“Cut the bullshit, Ana!” Steve snaps coldly, eyes flashing.

Ana blinks in shock. Steve angry is…a little frightening. He doesn’t stand to be lied to. “Steve-“

“You have been getting stronger?” It’s a question but it sounds more like observation.

“I’ve gained my strength back now that I’ve been eating more-“

“Not what I am talking about.”

“You have to know, Ana,” Natasha urges, brows pinched together.

She stares at them for a second, then she gets up as quickly and carefully as she can. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Ana walks out of the kitchen, heading towards her room as fast as she can waddle. Her heart is pounding faster, her own panic about the developing situation coming to the surface. Of course, Ana has noticed herself getting stronger the further she gets into pregnancy. It’s not like the thought has never crossed her mind. She had just been too busy shutting her emotions off and trying to figure out that dream world and trying not to suffocate on ashes and heartbreak.

Of course, she’s noticed the dented fingers marks on wooden and metal surfaces, of the spidering cracks in the toilet bowl, the ripping of several maternity sweatpants as she tugged them up over her stomach. Of the broken pieces of plastic cups and one of the bottles of the elixir. Of course, she knew the bruises she left on a damn super soldier were from her.

Speaking of.

Steve follows her down the hallway, catching up rather quickly. “Ana! Ana, please. Look, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to snap at you, but you have to know. Maybe just get it checked out by Dr. Hammond, or another doctor, run some tests. I’m just worried how this could affect you and the baby.”

Ana halts when she’s in front of her door, rounding on Steve. “No! This doesn’t concern you, Steve!”

“I’m just looking out for your wellbeing!”

She grabs the handle of her door with frustration. “I don’t know why you suddenly seem to have an obligation to me, but-“

Ana stops talking the moment she forcefully pushes the door handle. She didn’t account for how much strength she used as she shoved. She stumbles forward, her arm going straight through the hole, holding the doorknob. It’s splintered with jagged edges from the broken wood. She stares wide-eyed at the shape of the hole, strangely looking like the broken piece would fit back in perfectly like a puzzle.

This is new. Ana slowly moves her gaze to Steve; who gawks at her. Shit.

Awkwardly, she gently tries replacing the section of wood she pushed off. It sticks, not fitting quite right, but she’ll just pretend it did happen, like everything else she had broken.

“Holy fuck,” Steve whispers, stunned.

Deciding to remain silent, considering there’s no way around it, Ana just watches Steve. She can see him mentally gathering the pieces in his head. She only makes it to the count of four as he figures it out.

“I fucking knew it. It is enhancing you.”

“Steve. Please don’t,” Ana pleads, her anxiety making her nerves burn.

“The serum transferred to you. Which means it transferred to-“

“No, no it didn’t!” She desperately disputes. “This is just a weird fluke thing. You know, Nebula accidentally pulled off an entire door last week.”

Steve shakes his head, eyes flashing with concern as he looks her over. “We need to take you to a doctor. Dr. Cho maybe, run tests to confirm it.”

White hot panic surges up her spine. Ana frantically shakes her head. This is exactly why she didn’t want anyone to know, why she didn’t give it much thought. Why she hid it. Drawing blood, conducting tests, being studied; all for the slight chance of her baby possibly having the super soldier serum in its genetic code.

“Absolutely not!” Ana states fervidly, fear rising up in her.

He frowns, expression serious. “Ana, this could be-“

“I know what it could be, Steve!” She yells. “I know exactly what this means!”

Ana places her hands protectively over her stomach. “It’s the serum! It was in Bu- in Bucky’s genetic code. In his DNA. Which means it’s more than likely is in the baby’s genetics! My baby is going to be enhanced, there’s no way it’s not. Bucky is a...was-“

She breaks off, voice shaky, her body trembling. She swallows thickly, knowing she must finally face the truth. She feels movement under her hands, as if the baby is confirming what she’s known since the beginning. All her senses becoming sharper; hearing more sensitive, eyesight slightly better.

“Bucky was enhanced,” Ana continues, voice as panicked as before.  “I’m-I’m enhanced. I don’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. I can’t! If doctors or scientists found out, if anyone finds out that this is the child of the Winter Soldier and an Energy Alchemist!? Who the hell knows what exactly they would want to do with our baby!”

“Ana,” Steve looks torn, “We can keep it a secret. Find a trustworthy-“

“Fuck trustworthy, Steve!” She shouts, slicing her hand through the air. “No one is trustworthy! They’re still out there! Hydra, AIM, other organizations and groups just like them!”

“Hey, hey-“ He attempts to interrupt, to calm her down. It doesn’t work.

“Captain Rogers,” FRIDAY’s voice speaks up over them in warning.”

“I know!” He says to the AI.

Ana barely hears their exchange. Her breath begins to shorten, chest tightening. “Thanos didn’t fucking correct the universe like his fucked up brain thought! It didn’t snap away the evil people of the world. It made it easier for them! Hydra- Eric Woods kidnapped us just three year ago! If they knew. They’re still out there. If they find out-“

“That is not going to happen!” Steve promises vehemently, stepping closer.

“They- they can’t! Can’t find out. This is all I have left,” Ana begins to hyperventilate, cradling her stomach. “This is all I have left. This is all I have left.”

“Hey, honey, I’m sorry. Deep breathes, Ana,” Steve coaxes gently. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen.”

Ana is barely aware of her skin beginning to glow brighter. The walls started to tremble, the floor shakes. She feels a chaotic and static energy in the air. There’s a sharp tightening in her chest again and she needs…she needs her husband.

But Bucky isn’t here. Ana is not dreaming; she doesn’t see him. She doesn’t hear the faint haunting murmurs of her name. He’s not gently touching her cheek, gazing at her with those loving blue eyes. She doesn’t feel Bucky and that’s one of the worst things that has been carved out of her soul.

“Okay, okay, no doctors, Ana. I swear it,” Steve says carefully. “Just try breathe, Ana.”

Slowly, he reaches out to her. As if to comfort her, support her, remind her that she is not alone in this. When Steve’s fingers are inches from her skin, she can feel her powers reacting viciously. Ana takes a step back.

“I-I can’t!” She pants heavily. “It feels like. I wake up. Ashes. Dust. It’s- I wake up from ashes and it’s everywhere! Its-It’s in my lungs. My throat. It feels like I’m suffocating! I wake up and I’m suffocating.”

If she was aware enough, Ana could read his expression as broken, maybe a little helpless. Instead, Steve finally touches her. He doesn’t even get his fingers wrapped around her wrist, before he is abruptly, and harshly ricocheted backward.

His body is thrown halfway down the hall, slamming against the end of the wall. He hits it so hard, plaster and cement crack and rain pieces down on his limp form. Ana smacks her hand over her mouth. Light bulbs shatter, the air sizzles hotly, and she covers her head with her arm as bits of glass fall from the lights.

Despite the sight and groaning from Steve, Ana can’t seem to get a handle on her power, her energy, her emotions. It’s what lead to her outburst of power weeks prior. She isn’t wearing the rings Shuri gave her, has no other way of regulating herself. Quickly, she presses her hands to her chest, trying to regain her breathing, to focus, to control her emotions, her powers. Maybe she should turn off her emotions again. It’s better, safer for everyone, and herself.

Something grips her left shoulder, vice and grounding. Abruptly, Ana’s powers halt, then begins to settle. She gasps at the sudden feeling, but she doesn’t push it away, instead she grabs the hand on her shoulder and squeezes.

“I’m right here,” A soothing reminder. Carol’s voice. “You’re okay, you’re alright. I’m here.”

It’s the same feeling Ana had experience before with Carol’s own powers. As if they call out to her, like it wants to comfort her. Remind her that she really isn’t alone; not with this.

Her eyes sting as Ana tightly shuts them. Inhaling slowly, deeply, she nods. Her knees feel weak, her skin hot as she comes down, everything falling silent and settling around her. A sharp jab to the side of her stomach makes her wince; the baby protesting the rise and fall of the energy.

Ana snaps her eyes open, releasing Carol as she takes a shaky step forward. She feels the hands behind her hovering by her arms, a precaution in case she stumbles. Steve is taking his time getting up. A wave of guilt mixed with nausea curls through her.

“S-Steve?” Ana calls out with a trembling voice.

He attempts to push himself up, but his hand slips, and he presses his forehead to the debris covered floor. Ana moves closer. She doesn’t quite understand what happened. Her energy shouldn’t have knocked him back like that without the protective shield. In fact, twice it’s accepted Steve. Once in Wakanda, right after half of everyone vanished, and when he recklessly held her just weeks ago.

When she reaches him, now with Carol’s supporting hands on her arm, she carefully kneels placing a shaky hand on his back. Steve’s panting slightly, groaning low in his throat as he finally gets himself up on all fours. He tilts sideways, sitting back and slumping against the wall.

“Are you- did I hurt you?”

When Steve looks up to meet Ana’s gaze, her heart clenches. The emotion storming in his blue eyes roots her to the spot. His eyes are red, wet, tracks of tears staining his cheeks. The utter guilt, shame, and pain shinning in them renders Ana speechless.

“I’m sorry,” Steve croaks. Ana shakes her head, perplexed. “I’m so sorry, Ana.”

“No, I-“

“This isn’t on you,” He cuts her off, wincing as he straightens himself. “I failed you.”

Lifting his hand, he lays it gingerly on her shoulder. “I promise-I swear on my life. I will keep you and your baby safe. I…I couldn’t keep Bucky...I couldn’t bring him back to you. I broke that promise to you. I won’t break this one.”

Ana feels her face screw up with emotion. “Okay,” She exhales thickly, tears spilling from her eyes. “Okay.”

She drops her forehead to his shoulder, her own shaking as she cries. Through her tears, she listens closely, trying to decipher Steve’s breathing. His heart is slowly settling back to his version of a normal rate, and his breaths even out, no sign of broken ribs.

“Feeling alright?” Steve checks in a few minutes of them sitting there crying.

Sniffling, she wipes her nose on her sleeve and leans back. “Are you?”

“Just bruises, I think. Feeling exhausted, but I’m okay. Didn’t beat me up too bad. I’m actually a little proud.”

It makes Ana chuckle wetly, wiping more tears away.

“You guys okay?” Carol questions behind her. Ana hears the concern hidden in the coolness of her tone. “Didn’t rattle your brain too much, did she Rogers?”

“Nah, I can do this-“

“Yeah, yeah,” Ana cuts him off with a wave of her hand. “He’s got this annoyingly admiring habit of never staying down.”

A smile lights up Carol’s face as she extends a hand out for her. Ana takes it, allowing her new friend to lift her with her majority of her strength. When she looks behind Carol, Natasha is standing right there. There’s no anger or disappointment in her eyes, she just offers her a tiny smile then goes to help Steve up, brushing off rubble from his shirt.

“I,” Ana hesitates, soothing her hands over her belly as the baby wiggles around. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t had tried hiding this from either of you.” She addresses Natasha as well.

She carefully wraps her arms around Ana. “We shouldn’t have pushed. You know we love you. We’ve been nothing but worried about you. And this little one.” Natasha lends down to gently rub Ana’s belly. “Huh? Just being a strong little super soldier in there, aren’t you?”

The baby responds by kicking again. Ana sighs, the sensation it a little weird to her. She can’t help but crack a smile, despite hurting Steve.

“I’m not lying when I say I’m scared.” Ana tells them. She looks at Steve. “But, if you think it’s best I go see-“

“No,” He interrupts her. “How could I ever think I had the right to tell you what to do, to make a decision for you and your baby. It’s your choice, Ana. If you don’t want too, don’t. I’m sorry I pressured you. You have all the right not to trust anyone.”

“I trust you, you know, that right? I trust all of you here. I just don’t want anyone else to know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Steve breathes heavily, and carefully wraps his arm around her.

Ana leans into him, exhausted and suddenly livid at herself for pushing him away for months. Angry that she pushed away people whom she considers family and ignoring their own pain in the process.

“I’m sorry if I’m still a little off,” Ana apologizes shyly. “Having to deal with my emotions again, feeling so much around me. It’s overwhelming.”

“Hey, don’t worry about any of it. We understood, and we still do.” Natasha says. “By the way, a very annoyed AI alerted me of your spiking vitals. I always found it a little creepy how emotional Tony makes his artificial intelligence. Just take it easy the rest of the night, yeah?”

Ana nods as Carol beckons for them to get out of the hallway. She helps them both along, guiding Ana carefully over shattered glass.

**

Hours later, after the hallway has been cleaned up, both Ana’s and the baby’s vitals checked thoroughly by FRIDAY and a call from Dr. Hammond, Steve finally knocks on Ana’s door. He figures it time to honestly talk to her, lay out his own fears. To truly apologize to her.

“Are you concussed?” Ana asks flatly. She’s propped up against her pillows, with two beneath her knees.

Steve smiles despite himself, making yet another connection between her and when Bucky was a teenager yanking him out of back alley fights. Closing the newly fixed door behind him, he comes to sit on the edge of the bed. He notices in her hands, one of the many journals belonging to Bucky, opened as her fingers trace the written words, like she’s tattooing them on her skin.

“Hard head, remember?” He quips, getting comfortable in his position.

Ana snorts and kicks at his propped up knee. Inhaling to calm his nerves, Steve decides it just best to get right to it, staring straight at those big brown eyes.

Ones that have always seen right through people. Ones that have hardened and burned cold the past several months. He swallows thickly. Her gaze pins him to his spot. The only person to ever make him feel like he’s being picked apart down to his soul has been Natasha, but Ana is a very close second. But then she blinks, the cold lessening as confusion settles in.

“You’re nervous. I can feel it.”

“Everything is my fault,” Steve confesses in a rush, keeping eye contact even though he wants to sink into the earth.

“What are you talking about?”

“There’s been uh, a few things I’ve been too afraid to tell you. To talk to you about.” He rubs his sweaty hands on his jeans. “You said you didn’t know why I have an obligation to care take of you. Well, I made a promise to you in Wakanda, remember. I also made one to Bucky.”

 Ana’s frown deepens but she remains silent, waiting for him to elaborate.

Wakanda, fifteen minutes before the battle of Thanos:

Steve had to tear his eyes away from Bucky and Ana’s goodbye, not from discomfort, but if he continued to watch he would have told Bucky to stay with her. He should have told Bucky to just stay with her, for them to protect each other, to help protect Shuri as she works on Vision.

He should tell Bucky now, to just go back where he belongs, right next to his wife. Steve watches Bucky with a keen eye as they ride towards the field; the wind blowing his long hair back from his face. Steve’s known Bucky his entire life. He knows every little sign of distress, anger, no matter how hard Bucky always tried to hide it from him. Only one other person knows Bucky just as much as Steve does- probably knows him even better by this point.

Bucky didn’t want to leave Ana; anyone could see that. Now, as Steve watches Bucky’s new vibranium hand fiddle with a loose thread on his pants, he knows it’s taking everything in his friend to stay on the hovercraft. Bucky’s hips keep shifting his weight side to side. His chest is rising is slow calculating movements, his jaw is clenching, he slowly closes his eyes. Steve swallows thickly. They should have never asked Bucky to join one more fight. He makes up his mind.

“Buck-“

“Steve,” Bucky interrupts what he was about to say. He opens his eyes, stares straight ahead. “If anything happens to me-“

“Don’t fucking talk like that.” Steve reprimands firmly, dread curling in his stomach.

Bucky meets his gaze, serious and, fearful. “We can’t kid ourselves here, pal. If- if anything happens to me-“ He swallows with his brows pinched together. “Can you…can you take care of her?”

“Bucky-“

“I need you to take care of Ana for me. Please. I need to know they will- she. I need to know she’ll be taken care of. Please Steve.”

The begging desperation in Bucky’s eyes nearly breaks his heart. For once, Steve bites back his disagreement and nods. “Of course, I’ll take care of her, Buck.”

A sudden heavy boot presses down atop of Steve’s foot. “Thank you.”

His whisper of gratitude is nearly lost in the sounds of them landing at their destination. They file off the aircraft, but Steve can’t stomach it anymore. He quickly turns to Bucky, who double checks the knives at his thigh holster, and grabs his gun from the crate.

“Go back, Buck. I mean it. Just go back to Ana.” Steve orders. He can hear how frantic he sounds. “You should be together.”

A bitter smile flashes across Bucky’s mouth. “With you til’ the end of line, Stevie.” He lifts his gaze from his gun, that same old mischief back in his eyes. “Plus, Ana’s safest where she is right now. It’s your dumb ass I gotta protect. Like always.”

From his right, Steve hears Natasha snort in humor. He shoots her a glare then shoves Bucky ahead of him, and just like that, they’re leading the march onto the battlefield. It feels way too reminiscent of their time in the Howling Commandos, marching into battle.

*

Silence follows as Steve finishes telling Ana that bit of information. Watches as she slowly smooths her hands over of her stomach, having put the journal aside. Her left hand pauses for a second, gently tapping her fingers over the spot, presses down, and continues on. Her wedding rings reflect like glitter off the lights as she moves. Steve frowns, curious. She’s been doing that a lot lately and he wonders how often the baby kicks, if it feels the same restlessness as its mother.

“Well, it was a pretty dumbass move when you went after Thanos with your bare fucking hands.” Ana says.

Steve makes a protesting noise. “Didn’t you do that same thing?”

“We’re talking about you here, not me. Plus, I had the shield activated.”

The little humor he hears in her voice makes Steve smiles just a little. At least some of her old self seems to be shining through the broken cracks.

“Of course, Bucky would ask you take care of me,” She whispers solemnly.

“Haven’t kept that promise to him though,” Steve mumbles. “He said “they” at the time, and I didn’t put it together until you told me. But I’ve been doing a shit job, to be honest.”

“To be honest,” Ana repeats his words with firmer tone. “That’s completely on me. I haven’t made this easy for anyone. I am so incredibly sorry again.”

Steve reaches out to grab her hand, giving her fingers a firm squeeze. “No one blames you for what you did. We understand, but your, what is it now? A hundredth apology is accepted.”

Ana offers him a small smile. It falls a second later. “Why do you think it’s all your fault?”

“Because I broke my promise to bring Bucky back to you. I broke my promise to both of you.” Steve lowers his gaze, taking his hand from hers. “If I just. Fuck. If I just defeated him, if I just had killed Thanos with every chance I got, then none of this would have happened. I would have brought Bucky back safe and sound and you wouldn’t be going through this alone. Vision would still be alive. Wanda wouldn’t have had to endure all that pain. Fuck, she was still so young. And Sam-“

Steve hears his voice crack and he pinches the bridge of his nose, trying desperately to hold back his tears. He didn’t come here to have a sob fest on her bed. A soft warm touch rests over his other hand, a gentle trickle beginning to ease his emotions.

“Steve,” Ana speaks so softly.

He slowly pulls his hand from her touch. Finally looking up, he shakes his head. “I don’t need you to do that. You don’t need to change use your ability for me. Don’t exert yourself.”

“But you feel so sad,” She tells him. Steve nods in a mute confession. “You haven’t spoken to anyone about this have you?”

He shakes his head again.

“Then talk to me if you won’t allow me to help you.”

He huffs his exhales, giving her a look. “Have you talked to anyone about how you feel?” Steve challenges, not unkindly.

“No, but what do you think this? Just get it all out. Talk to me.”

This was not what he came here for. He just wanted to wallow in his own self-deprecating pity. To confess to Ana that he had failed her, he failed the universe. The crushing weight of that brings him down in a pit of darkness each night, drowns him in his own horrible nightmares. Watches helplessly as all his friends fall to the ground in piles of ash.

Steve came to Ana, with some oddly placed masochism and a small bit of hope that she would lash out at him again because he deserves it. He deserves her avoiding his eyes. Deserves to nearly have his own life drained from his body, to have her powers injure him as he’s thrown against solid concrete. To have any ounce of her hate, anger, placed all on him.

But the way Ana sits patiently, kindly and not shouting cruses or damnation to him. The way she just tried calming him, helping him, is exactly who is she. Despite the months of shutting off her own emotions. A small piece of herself is still there, if broken and haunted, but there.

It causes Steve to finally break.

“I’m angry!” He spits out, clutching at the sheets. “I am so fucking angry at myself! I could have made Bucky stay with you. I could have saved him.” Steve releases a bitter laugh. “I guess that’s my track record though isn’t it? I could never save Bucky. Not from that damn train, not from fucking Hydra, not from Zemo’s revenge, not from being stolen away from you.

“You know, I thought when I was first got the serum, that I would finally be able to protect the people I love most, to protect my family. What a load of bullshit! I still lost him. I had to watch him die, again. You had to watch Bucky die and I still couldn’t protect him. I couldn’t protect you from losing him. I couldn’t protect my family, my friends, the goddamn world! I couldn’t save anyone from Thanos.”

Tears are freely falling down Steve’s cheeks, tracing into his lips and soaking into his jeans. He licks the saltiness from his lips, taking in a trembling breath. He sniffs hard, shaking his head again.

“I failed. I failed everyone. I failed Tony-“

“Steve-“ Ana attempts to dispute his statement, but he doesn’t allow her.

He continues without giving her an ounce of room to speak. “I did. I betrayed him. He’s right, maybe if we fought together, we could have defeated Thanos. That’s on me. I failed. And I failed Bucky again, time and time again and because of it. I failed you too.”

“That night, when you broke down, I felt every single emotion you had. All your anguish, your loneliness, your pain, your heartbreak. You felt empty. It was crippling, suffocating. That’s not something you should have to deal with or feel by yourself, Ana. None of this is your fault. You didn’t fail. Just put it all on me instead. I deserve that.”

 “Hey, stop!”

Steve abruptly scoots forward and quickly grabs her right hand, pressing his solidly against his chest. He ignores her startled, somewhat fearful look. He feels an electric spark shock his chest as her skin glows for a fleeting moment. It fades when she clearly doesn’t feel threatened anymore. If Ana had blasted him back again, he would have welcomed it.

“You shut off your emotions, Ana. There’s a part of me that wonders if it made it easier to shut me out too. Do you hate me because I failed you? Because I failed the entire universe? I’m fucking Captain America, who let the world turn to dust. I want you to hate me, Ana. I want you to lash out at me.”

Ana yanks her hand back, then promptly slaps him across the face.

Steve blinks twice, stunned. His cheek stings and he tastes copper on his tongue for biting the inside of his cheek. His head clears a little, and he thinks yeah, he probably deserved that. When he gathers himself to meet her gaze, there’s fury in her eyes. Something he hasn’t seen in Ana for so long.

“I nearly killed you, Steve!” She hisses at him, shaking out her hand once. “I wasn’t trying to share my pain with anyone else. You just happened to be there, and I almost stole your life energy. You’re the only self-sacrificing idiot that runs headfirst to hold onto to a Life Drainer. How the fuck is that making good on your promise to Bucky to take care of me, if you aren’t even alive!?”

Guilt floods through his veins as Steve realizes she’s right, and he got way into his head just then. Didn’t articulate properly what he was trying to say. He drops his head in shame as she continues to talk.

“I’m sorry I slapped you,” She apologies, but her voice still has a hint of aggravation. “But goddamnit, Rogers. You punishing yourself for thinking you’re the only one who failed? For breaking promises? You aren’t the only one who thinks they failed people, Steven. As for your promise.”

Steve lifts his head, tentatively meeting her gaze. Her eyes are watery, tears brimming along her lower eyelids. She’s stroking her arms over her stomach again, one after the other, blowing out a shaky breath as her tears fall over. Steve feels even worse, having made her distressed yet again.

“I didn’t make it easy for anyone, especially you. I wasn’t thinking of the repercussions of what shutting of my emotions would do. I couldn’t handle it, Steve. I couldn’t handle it at all and I felt like if I didn’t do something about it, then-“ Ana breaks off, shrugging. She hastily wipes her tears away. “I am so, so deeply and incredibly sorry. I should have never-“

Steve carefully takes hold of her wrist. “Hey, no honey, none of that anymore. You needed to protect yourself and your baby first. I understand why you did. I just didn’t know how to help you, and I still don’t. I didn’t mean to stress you out more. I shouldn’t have said what I did, ask you to do something you would never do in the first place.”

“Captain Rogers,” FRIDAY interrupts their conversation abruptly. The AI doesn’t sound happy with him. “I suggest you leave Mrs. Barnes alone for the rest of the night. Her vitals hint at distress that I’m afraid you have caused. Twice now.”

Shit. He definitely did not come here with those intentions, and Steve can’t seem to stop fucking up tonight.

“No, FRIDAY, it’s fine!” Ana quickly reassures her. “I’ll do my breathing exercises. I feel fine.”

There’s a pause. “As you wish, Mrs. Barnes. You have four vials left of the elixir if you decided to drink one now, it wouldn’t hurt to do so as you didn’t take one three hours prior. However, Captain, if you continue to upset her or her baby, I will activate the electric security protocol.”

Steve glares at Ana as she snorts her laughter behind her fist as she takes out a bottle. “I understand.” He tells the AI. “I assume Pepper added that last part?”

“I’m not at liberty to say.” Another Pause. “It was not Pepper.”

FRIDAY goes silent as Ana downs the elixir with wide shocked eyes. Steve shoves his hand through his hair, blowing out a sigh. He stays quiet as he watches Ana calm herself down with the breathing exercises. He waits about five minutes until she finally opens her eyes and flashes him a small smile. He can hear the steady, relaxed beats of each heart rate and relaxes himself.

“This is definitely hypocritical for me to say,” Ana begins, wincing as she touches her stomach. “But you can’t keep that all locked inside. Exhibit A.” She gestures to herself.

“I know,” He huffs out heavily. “Nat and I talked sometimes, drank mostly, but we didn’t talk it about enough. I just, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to help you or anyone else for that matter.”

“But you are you helping yourself?”

“You’re right, you are being a little hypocritical, Barnes.”

In a rare sight of true Ana fashion, she flicks him off, then shrugs. “I’m trying to now. For the sake of this little bean.”

Sorrow weighs heavily in his bones. “You know if I could bring him back. If I had an ounce of an idea to do so-“

“I know, I know. I do.” She sighs tiredly, leaning further back, her eyes suddenly exhausted. “It’s going to take a long time to process this. For everyone. And yeah. I miss him so fucking much, Steve, it hurts to even breathe. But, I don’t think you failed me. I don’t think anyone thinks you failed them.”

Steve wants to believe her so much, but he’s always going to feel his guilt for failing her and Bucky specifically. “I still think I did.” He mutters bitterly.

“Yeah well,” Ana sniffs, wiping her sleeve over her eyes and nose. “As Rocket as said, there’s a lot of that going around, huh? I think we’re all just wallowing in our own personal feelings of self-failure.”

Steve suddenly thinks of Thor, and how he took off in the middle of the night, now word or warning. His heart aches. “I guess so. Little guy seems to have taken a liking to you though. Not as many sarcastic comments.”

Smiling as if she’s proud, she says, “It’s only because I let him clean Bucky’s gun.”

He doubts that. Secretly he thinks Ana may remind Rocket of someone he lost. “Listen. It’s getting late and I stressed you out enough with my emotional turmoil. I’ll let you get some sleep.”

“I literally threw you into a wall earlier, then bitch slapped you, so, we’re even.” She tells him as Steve helps her shimming around, adjusting pillows and pulling the covers down.

“Deal.” He agrees with a small chuckle. He rubs the top of her head, slightly musing up her hair. She glares at him. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? You and the baby? I’m sorry about-“

“So many apologizes. Yes, I swear. We feel good. Just tired, is all.” Ana insists.

Steve nods, makes sure she’s as comfortable as can be before he makes his way to leave. Ana calling his name one more time turns him around. She looks inches away from sleep, her stomach supported by one of the thicker pillows, and she has what he knows to be Bucky’s pillow clutched to her chest.

“Thank you.” Ana murmurs.

“For what?” He questions, confused.

“For still looking after me. For being there.”

She doesn’t explain further as her eyes flutter shut. Steve however, as he gives her a smile she can’t see, knows exactly what Ana is thanking him for. His talk may not have gone the way he planned, and he still feels like there much more to converse, but Steve thinks they made some progress. He leans back against the door for a few moments, head tilted back as he stares up at the ceiling and the broken light bulbs.

“I’ll keep my promise to you, Buck.” Steve says quietly to the ceiling.

Once more, he recalls Bucky’s little slip up. “Please. I need to know they will-she.”

Bucky was asking Steve to take care of Ana, and their child.

“I swear, pal. They will both be taken care of.”

****************************************************************

A/N: This was a monster to write. Thank you for sticking with me. This story is definitely going to pick up pace in the next chapter and on. Please stay healthy and safe and inside. Don’t forget to wash your hands, especially after coughing or sneezing and stop hoarding the toilet paper!

Drabbles: Twenty-Two     Drabbles: Twenty-Four

Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner​​ @buckyland​​ @stressedasalways​​ @watchoutforfrostbite​​ @justreadingfics​​ @keldachick​​ @eurynome827​​ @elatedmarvel​​ @shesalatesh​​ @paintedgreywriting​​ @boney-and-skinny​​ @buckaroo-blue​ @afewmarvelousthoughts​ @crushedbyhyperbole​ @shesalatesh​

[thewildwilds]

ohhhh 16 and you know which couple :3

16. sleepy morning kisses that accidentally turn intense

Once again, this got way too long and I’m so sorry. You know the drill! Please read at your own discretion!

Mornings aren’t necessarily the most relaxing time for Peko. She’s up early, always, before the sun rises. So many years spent rooming with the rest of the house staff made it impossible to ever sleep in. She knows she doesn’t have to spend her mornings being productive anymore, and even though she still hasn’t fully grasped the concept, she’s gotten better at it. Sometimes, she likes to spend her mornings taking walks, around the perimeter of the estate, or even just the back garden.

Today, she’s content to just laze.

Fuyuhiko sleeps soundly beside her. If she wanted, she could reach out, poke at his nose until he snuffles and bats her hand away like a cat.

She watches him instead, the flutter of his eyelashes, the gentle rise-and-fall of his chest, the way his breath ruffles the wispy ends of her hair. She doesn’t think she could ever grow tired of his face, familiar and yet still a wonder after all this time.

She’s rewarded for her patience when Fuyuhiko stirs awake, and she gets to see that sleepy, sloe-eyed half-smile he only wears during lazy mornings like this.

He doesn’t say anything. He leans into her space and kisses her cheek, then her chin, then her mouth when he’s able to find it properly.

“Good morning,” she murmurs.

“Mmm,” he replies.

He kisses her again, and again, slow and sweet. She surmises he must’ve had a very, very restful sleep if he’s this affectionate so early. He peppers slow, gentle, kisses wherever he can reach, but it’s not long before his lips find hers again.

His tongue brushes against hers, tentatively at first, and then more confidently when she opens willingly for him. The taste is not altogether pleasant, but she imagines she can’t taste any better. He doesn’t seem to mind, his hand coming up to hook around her waist.

She shifts closer, tugging him into another searing kiss— and she feels he’s hard, through the loose fabric of his sweatpants.

He notices that she notices. He flinches as though his body has betrayed him somehow. “Sorry,” he says. His face is bright red. He tries to pull away. “Just— Just ignore it. It’ll go away on its own.”

“No, I—” She curls an arm around his waist before he can pull away too far. “I want to… help.”

The meaning of help is not lost on him. He swallows thickly. “Then I’ll… For you…” His fingers scrabble around the hem of her nightgown, but she lays a gentle hand over his so he can stop and look at her.

“Not for me, right now. Just for you. Okay?”

His brow furrows, just a bit. He balances on his elbow so he can look at her properly. He’s searching for something in her eyes. (“Are you doing this because I want it, or because you want it?”) She stares back, unblinking, unwavering.

When he finds his answer (“It’s both”), he nods. “Okay.”

He relaxes back against the mattress. She dips her hand beneath the waistband of his sweatpants.

He responds almost immediately. She’s barely done anything, and yet he bucks into her palm, and she can feel how he swells eagerly at her touch. If he weren’t awake before, he certainly is now. She touches all along the length, feeling the contrast between the softness of his skin and the hardness of his arousal, before wrapping her fingers around him and setting a rhythm.

This feeling has always fascinated her. She sees why he focuses so intently on her when they make love because she can’t take her eyes off him. His brow creases, his good eye is dark, and there’s a wonderful color right at the top of his cheeks.

His breathing is already shallow. She tugs his pants and underwear down, and he drops right into her awaiting hand. She returns to the rhythm, pumps up and down with long strokes, until he’s keening.

“Peko,” he pants. “You’re so— so incredible.” (Even with something like this, he still finds opportunity to praise her.)

“Shhhh…” She touches her lips to his collarbone, and he shivers.

He gives up on words at some point. He buries his face against her neck and simply focuses on sensations. His voice sounds completely wrecked. It still surprises her, sometimes, seeing how responsive he is while he’s on the brink, knowing she’s the one who brought him there.

“Peko—” he chokes out. “B— ‘Bout to—”

“I know,” she soothes, with a small kiss against his temple. “I know.”

He digs his fingers into the fabric bunched around her waist, and he comes, with hot, panting breaths against her neck. She doesn’t stop; she guides him through it with the unfaltering rhythm of her hand, until there’s nothing left.

When he finally manages to come back down from his high, he groans.

“Made a fuckin’ mess,” he murmurs into the pillow.

She laughs. He’s right. They’ll have to do laundry early this morning too.

“Guess we better start the day then.” She carefully rolls out of bed, taking the blanket along with her. She turns back to look at him. He looks like a wreck, with his hair mussed and the aftermath of their tryst so evident, and yet he’s staring back at her with such an adoring smile she can’t help but smile back. “Come on.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says, and follows after her.