#i got it in 2019 at first it was bc i had an opportunity to go on an internship in redacted big metallurgy lab abroad

[albonium]

every time i see my passport i want to laugh and cry lol

[eldesperadont]

@ AEW GIRLIES (gn) who are interested in NJPW lore

with All In coming up, I need fans that only know Kota as Kennys insane boyfriend and Jay as the silly Bullet Club bastard to know about their history with each other (and Kenny/Hangman) which spans 5 years at this point, even more if you count in Jays time as a trainee in njpw (2015/16), so he like.. watched and learned from them all – anyways lets go with the rambling recap

Starting with Jays first title win and how it came to that: early 2018, Kenny was in the midst of a power struggle in Bullet Club, his relationship with Cody was getting more strenuous by the day and the non Elite BC members were getting tired of their BS.

Kenny, trying to legitimise his position as a leader, thought recruiting new promising talent to his side would help, so he offered a young Switchblade Jay White “the opportunity of a lifetime”.

Jay accepted, only to attack him right after, and with that nothing could stop the threads holding Kennys BC together from rapidly unravelling.

Kenny would lose his US Heavyweight Championship to White soon after, and in the aftermath of the match even more. Hangman, finally taking a step out of his friend's shadow, got all up in Jays space, snatched the belt and obviously implied a challenge, but Kenny wouldnt have any of that. He pushed Adam aside and gave Jay his price back. (to the surprise of the crowd who expected Kenny to be more bitter apparently lol)

Enter Cody. Opportunistic and sinister as he was at the time he immediately stoked the flames, snapping at Kenny why he wouldnt let Hangman have that moment.

They seem to talk it out but whoops, Cody attacks Kenny after all, Adam helping him.

They are about to lay him out as Ibushi runs to Kennys aid, finally giving us the reunion people have been waiting for years.

In the following months a lot happens, Adam gets his match with Jay (and is read to filth by him - it’s essential to watch that promo, here) but doesnt succeed, the Golden Lovers and Young Bucks have an emotional feud, Cody continues being a menace with Hangman at his side, Kenny finally wins the IWGP Heavyweight belt, the Golden Elite was formed, Cody is a sad lil bitch now, they were all kinda friends again, oh and Bullet Club split fr*.

[*On one side you had Kenny and his friends, on the other BC originals Bad Luck Fale, Tama Tonga plus his younger brothers and technically their dad? Things were kinda messy but thats technically the BC that stayed in Japan and made Jay White their leader. The last real appearance of the Elite as BC was at the inaugural All In, their indie PPV.]

Alright end of 2018/beginning of 2019 - Kenny loses his IWGP belt at Wrestle Kingdom (njpws wrestlemania) and quietly leaves NJPW with the Bucks, Cody and Hangman, starting AEW (things behind the scenes didnt work out as expected and nooj didn’t wanna cooperate with them at first)

So yeah. Ibushi. He was all alone again, but in the summer of 2019 finally manages what he was so close to in the previous year: winning the G1 tournament.

He faced Jay White in the finals, who at that point firmly held Kennys position as Bullet Club leader and is the top gaijin of the company.

Both him and Ibushi were together with Kazuchika Okada and Tetsuya Naito the top of NJPW. And all four would be involved in the main events of the following Wrestle Kingdom. Jay and Okada as titleholders, Naito and Ibushi as challengers.

Well neither Jay or Kota came out victorious on the first WK night, but the following day, in a match for third place, Jay defeated Ibushi, making the latter the biggest loser of the event,,

Covid caused quite a mess in the following months - their next singles meeting wouldn't be till late 2020, during that years G1, where Jay gets another win over the Golden Star

but is unable to reach the finals, in contrast to Ibushi, who wins the whole tournament for a second time.

Jay doesn't wait and immediately brings up Kotas loss to him, demanding a match for the WK contract he's just won.

Alright bada bing bada boom Ibushi-

LOSES??

Yeah to the shock of everyone Jay actually managed to put himself in the main event for the following WK, thinking he'll face double champ Naito to dethrone him .. but Naito still wanted to face the G1 winner so Kota got his title shot regardless lol

so yeah we got Ibushi vs Naito on night one, and whoever wins that on day two against Jay

In complete contrast to the previous WK Ibushi would not only be victorious on the first night, but also finally beat Jay for good, becoming the undisputed double champ, and God. (their words not mine)

Which absolutely broke White, giving us a glimpse at whats really going on in the "Switchblade". He's so obsessed with success, finally wanting HIS moment, his era, and despite everything he's sacrificed it doesn't seem to happen..

(pls watch the whole promo, its an insane performance)

He'd show up for one last "contractually obligated" match, battered and bruised, taking the pin in a multiman tag match between Bullet Club and Chaos, before leaving everyone in the dark for month about whats next for him.

He'd stick with NJPW for two more years, returning even more unhinged than he already was.

Kota would go on with his reign as double champ, till NJPW unified the titles to create the IWGP World Championship (a highly unpopular move with the fans), which he's the inaugural champion for.

Jay would try his best in the New Japan Cup in hopes of getting another shot at Ibushi, but fall short in the quarterfinals - new focus new goal, he goes for the NEVER Openweight title, and becomes the first ever NJPW "Quadruple Crown" champ, having already held the IWGP US, Heavyweight and Intercontinental Championship at that point.

Ibushi, now with the IWGP World Championship, has his first proper defense with the new singles belt .. and loses to 2021 NJ Cup winner Will Ospreay, cutting his reign shorter than anyone expected.

His bad luck doesnt end there tho, despite making it to the G1 finals for the fourth time in a row, he breaks his arm in said match and is unable to continue. He'll not appear in a NJPW ring again. Mistreatment by staff which caused serious trouble in his private life has him decide against re-signing with the company.

Jay in the meantime would shake things up overseas, defending his NEVER title, debut in IMPACT, be on weird terms with the Elite, lose the NEVER title, debut in AEW, oh and not return to Japan. For a full year, missing out on key events, which had even his BC mates start asking questions.

After some rearranging within the club (kicking out old and recruiting new members) he’d finally return to Japan in the summer of 2022, swiftly dethroning IWGP World champ Okada, Jays last title reign in NJPW (youve might seen his first defence, at Forbidden door against Hangman, Cole and Okada).

He’d hold the title till early 2023 and in good old switchblade fashion be this 👌 close to realising his errors, only to blame everyone else and lose his mind over it, getting involved in a “loser leaves Japan” match against Hikuleo (who had turned his back on Jay) and afterwards, cause that somehow wasnt enough, a “loser leaves NJPW” match against Eddie Kingston. And thats how we got Jay White in AEW, mf is in exile and acts like nothing ever happened lmao

Ibushi, whos last match had been in October 2021, would finally return to the ring in March 2023, at Josh Barnetts 9th Bloodsport event, and make his AEW debut at Blood and Guts, reuniting with Kenny, the Bucks and Hangman as the Golden Elite :)

So yeah both Kota and Jay had quite different paths (that crossed a lot) towards AEW, and as someone who's been watching them for so long now I'm absolutely giddy to see them face one another again - if youd have told me a year ago that I'd get to see Kota and Jay in the same ring again, cause of KENNY of all things, I'd have imploded on the spot (positive)

📷 picture credit: NJPW World, one pic from Jays Instagram, one impact thumbnail and one aew thumbnail

‼️ feel free to ask about anything / correct me on info or spelling mistakes, english is not my mother tongue and im disabled so sometimes i mess things up

[tboyswagging]

Recently I have been making a kind of trans memory box of important things from my transition and as someone who lives in a fairly unsupportive environment I'm finding it really healing in a way. Like even despite it all I'm finding elements of me. I saw someone do this on Instagram a while ago so I definitely stole the idea. I'm just putting it in a random shoebox but I hope I'll look back on it one day when I'm in a better situation and further transitioned and like,, feel emotional about it. But this is what's in my memory box so far:

- my diary from 2016 which is the year I came out to everyone, it starts in May and I came out to my parents in January so I don't have their reaction but from the fact they gave me the notebook and they wrote a dedication to me which says "dear [deadname]" we can infer they are not on board (they still arent). But I've written entries about coming out to other people and talk about my life. Also I was in an abusive relationship later on in 2016 and its interesting to hear abt that bcs a lot of my memory has gone. I was in year 7 and its just crazy to think how my life has changed.

- old binder, not my very first binder bcs idk where that has gone I don't think I still have it but it's the last gc2b binder I had I've been getting spectrum since 2019 and its very stretched out bcs once I wore it for 8 consecutive days and nights (very very unadvisable). But its the longest ago binder I have so it'll have to do

- zine I was in when i was 17 that I hid from my parents bcs its Trans Themed

- my deedpoll

- letters from the GIC clinic from 2019 and 2021 (the second one telling me I have been put on the adult waiting list). I am literally nearly a year and a half on T and I still haven't got a GIC appointment it's a joke. (I started T priv but then transferred over to a nhs dr)

- First ever testosterone bottle packaging that I have stuck both my private prescription label and nhs prescription label to

I think I am gonna print out my gender dysphoria diagnosis if I ever have the opportunity (it is very funny bcs when I got diagnosed w gender dysphoria I was 3 months on T and had been identifying as trans for 7 years so i was like. Yeah no shit) and a photo of me the day I came out but I'm trying to think what other things I can put in it

[luke-hughes43]

quinn twin sister request?????? with trevor as the love interest

shes younger then quinn and plays hockey as well, she was drafted second in 2018 to the ducks and then trevor joined in 2019 and was very happy the girl he’s been crushing on for years would be on the same team. Trevor has been boldly flirting with her since they met because of jack and trevor has had a huge crush on her forever and truthfully she always thought he was joking as trevor flirts with everyone and she never really felt anything romantic wise towards trevor for along whole, maybe after a few years of being on the same team and become good friends she starts caring more trevor more and seeing him rather than the side he shows everyone and the two started getting closer and eventually trevor was drunk and confessed he was never joking about his feelings for her and the reader knew then that she did feel more for trevor than platonic?? mayeb they finally get together or something and maybe a part two is everyone realizes they finally got together and trevor got the girl he’s in love with

oooo, I love this too!!! this is also like really long haha sorry.

ok so for background, she'll be quinn's twin and drafted like him in 2018. she goes in the 1st round like Quinn and goes 2nd to the ducks. they actually play at umich together and she decides to return for a second year like Quinn does.

Quinn and reader are literally in separable. since her and Quinn can't wear the same number, I think that she wears the family number of 6 bc Quinn did during his 18s year at the program.

and so she obvi meets trevor thru jack and them playing together at the program. trevor instantly thought she was beautiful and had tried flirting with her but it was never reciprocated. she knew of trevor's flirty personality so she did her best not to let it phase her.

after trevor got drafted by the ducks, the flirtiness of trevor started to crack her shell the more she had to see him.

Y/N's POV

It was no secret that my twin brother couldn't stand trevor zegras. and sometimes I didn't blame him. but after trevor got drafted to the ducks, I started trying to form a friendship with him. to give him a friendly for when he decides to join the ducks after playing at BU.

the first time trevor came out for dev camp, he was in the room next to me. we hung out pretty often before he went back to New York and I went back to michigan.

I had made the decision after I was drafted that when Quinn signed, I signed. Quinn signed after we got knocked out in the playoffs in 2019 and I signed the day after he made his debut. just so that I could be there to see it.

once I signed, everything was going good. I ended up crashing with one of the older guys for a few weeks while we finished out the season. I had my debut and even scored in it!

unlike my twin, I don't play defense. I'm a winger. I play the left side mostly but will occasionally play center. after trevor signed with the ducks he a good chunk of time in San Diego with the AHL team so I didn't really see him until February of that season.

when he came up from the Gulls, I offered him the extra room that I have so that he has a friendly face. he jumped at the opportunity. we grew closer during that season and I could've sworn he was actually flirting with me.

turns out he was.

but that summer was radio silence from him. I didn't hear from him at all from the time we left Anaheim until the time we had to go back for training camp. I was sad and kinda heartbroken.

I had realized like a month after him living with me that I had feelings for trev but I guess he didn't reciprocate. I kinda just closed myself off from my brothers, especially jack and Quinn, that whole summer.

they were confused but gave me my space. it was hard to explain to jack that I had feelings for his best friend and to Quinn that I had feelings for the guy that he can't stand. I head out to Anaheim early that year to avoid talking about it with my brothers.

turns out, trevor had decided to go early too. I get to my house and find trevor's car there and all of his shit inside. I yell out, "trev?"

"Y/N? that you?"

"yea." I yell back. I mumble under my breath, "this is my house." i roll my eyes and bring my bags in to start unpacking. he comes into the living room after I grab everything from my car. he asks, "I didn't know you were coming back today?"

"and I didn't know that you were coming back early either."

he doesn't say anything but grabs some of my bags and brings them to my room for me. I smile at him and throw all my hockey stuff in the garage. I check the fridge and see that there's no food. not that I was expecting there to be. I see trevor walk in and say, "how long have you been here?"

"yesterday."

"and you didn't think to go food shopping?"

"no. I just got chipotle instead. I don't know how to food shop and I know you have a specific way of doing things and I didn't wanna mess that up."

"you could've asked trev. just like you could've told me that you were gonna be coming back early and would be here yesterday."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it mattered. I figured you would be sticking around in michigan for as long as possible to help Luke move in." he says and sits at the counter. I sigh and shake my head at him. I have no words to even say to him. he asks, "hey, what's going on?"

"nothing Trevor. nothing that concerns you at least. I'm gonna go food shopping. text me if you want anything."

"wait. what do you mean nothing that concerns me? did something happen this summer?"

"no trev. nothing happened. that's the fucking problem."

"what do you mean?"

"where have you been? I graciously let you live with me during your rookie season so that you have a friendly face and after living with me for 3 months, you go radio silent from me. your best friends with my fucking brother and live with me during hockey season but you can't even bother to text me every once in a while. I thought we were friends. I thought we were closer than that."

"I...don't even know what to say."

"an explanation would be nice. you know what, save it. I'm gonna go get food for the fridge, and do what I originally came here for, to get some fucking alone time."

I grab my keys and leave. I go get gas and then go to the grocery store. I take my sweet time while I'm out to avoid going back home to trevor. it's not that I don't wanna see him, it's just I spent so much time trying to forget about my feelings for him which was way easier when he wasn't in the next room for me.

I eventually make it back to my house and unload the food into the house. trevor helps me bring everything in but can tell that I don't want his help and so he leaves me alone.

later on I'm sitting on the roof just enjoying the view when trevor comes out, clearly having the same idea. when he sees me he says, "oh I didn't know you were up here. do you want me to go?"

"no you can stay. I'm getting tired anyways."

"are you avoiding me?"

"like you did to me this summer? yea I am. I came back early to get away from my brothers because they've been insufferable and I didn't have the one person around who usually makes it better. I'm not doing this right now trevor."

"y/n come on. at least let me explain." he calls after me. I ignore him and just go back inside. I hear him follow after me. he says, "y/n wait." he catches up and grabs my wrist, turning me to face him. he looks down at me and I realize how close we actually are.

I look up at him and next thing I know, he's leaning down to kiss me. my hands instantly go to the back of his head to pull him closer. when he pulls away, he's smiling. he rests his forehead against mine and says, "this is why I avoided you. Quinn advised me not to come and he scares me. I like you y/n, I always have. I just never thought I stood a chance because I'm just your little brother's best friend. I was planning to ask you this summer but Quinn asked me not to come so I didn't. I'm sorry. I should've called or something and I know I fucked up but I really do like you y/n."

"I like you too trev. I have for a while. you were never just my little brother's best friend. you're mine too. and I fell for you, hard."

"me too. so let's give this a shot?" he asks. I nod and kiss him softly. I say when we pull away, "let's give this a shot. but we gotta keep it from the team. I'm the first woman in the nhl, I don't need word getting out that I'm dating a teammate just yet."

"ok. should I find somewhere else to live?"

"no. we'll figure this out trev. together. but you have to talk to me and not shut me out anymore."

"I won't I promise."

"good. now kiss me again." I say and he instantly captures my lips with his. that's how we spent the rest of the night, kissing and being wrapped up in each other. and then tomorrow I'll be ripping Quinn a new one about telling trevor not to come out to the house this summer.

[galaxywarp]

Hey Blue ;v; I just have something that I need to get off my chest, I need to tell somebody, so I hope it’s okay if I tell you: I have a problem with weed. As in, I need to stop using it. I’m thinking of, like, giving my stash to my friends so I can’t use it as easily. I need to tell my counsellor. But I’m scared. I need help. (Btw it’s not like it’s illegal here, it’s legal where I am. I’m scared because I’ve never dealt with something like this before)

Also, I have a question about your sobriety tracker (bc I use it too, just not for substance use) : when do you start tracking? From the last moment you put the drug in your body, or the first moment you sobered up from it/weren’t high?

And… I’m not weak for having a problem with weed, am I? Just bc like. It’s not a hard drug or anything, it feels kind of stupid to have this happen 😭

(Ugh I need to just say it. I’m addicted to it. Thankfully I don’t have much opportunity to use it, but I use it every chance I get, and I just broke one of my own rules that serves as a restriction)

Hi friend. Thanks for reaching out. I’m glad you’re on the step of your recovery where you can acknowledge you have a problem. That’s a really rough step

Especially because of the weird mixed signals and attitudes around weed addiction. I understand where you’re coming from.

And if it helps, this is me, a certified tweaker who used to OD on fentanyl regularly: your weed addiction is still real and still serious and you still deserve support.

Addiction is addiction when it’s hurting you. It sounds like you’ve come to acknowledge that weed is hurting you but even though it is, you’re struggling to stop.

You’re not doing it because it’s fun. You’re doing it because you feel like you need it and going without it is painful. I’ve felt that way about numerous drugs in my lifetime, and weed is definitely one of them. I would smoke myself so numb for months or years on end and it was absolutely miserable.

Im sorry you’re going through this. I have hope you’ll be able to overcome this. Im glad you shared this with me and I hope you can share it with others too.

If you do decide to quit, I know there’s a lot of stuff trying to claim that weed has no withdrawal symptoms. I don’t think that’s true. From lengthy personal experience I really don’t think that’s true. Heroin and meth were soooo much more extreme, don’t get me wrong. It’s apples to oranges — it can’t be compared

But when I stopped smoking pot I felt achy and agitated and bored and restless and upset and don’t let anyone, including yourself, invalidate that you feel shitty. It’s gonna feel bad for a bit and you have every right to own that. Don’t deny yourself some days of lying around whining and snacking and trying to distract yourself.

The good news is, after 2-3 weeks, you’ll start feeling better in a way you probably haven’t felt since you started smoking 24/7

If you need someone to vent to during that time, my askbox is open

Phew! That’s a lot. For your last question: my exact sobriety dates in my trackers are actually ….very loose

The short answer is that my memory of those times is very distorted because of, y know , drugs

The longer answer includes that I picked my dates as dates when I made a conscious decision that I wanted to quit.

My fentanyl date: September 27, 2019

I came home from a camping trip with my family. Because I was in the woods sleeping in a tent with them all weekend, I couldn’t bring my drugs. And I was gonna be in withdrawal

But I had saved a few suboxone from my last detox clinic and I used them over the weekend to keep the pain manageable (suboxone is used for opiate withdrawal so I had been prescribed it off and on for years)

When I got home I still had a small bag left of fentanyl.

I decided….i wasn’t going to buy anymore

And over the next few days I used what was left, all the way down to desperately licking the bag and smoking burnt tin foil, trying to wean myself so my withdrawal symptoms weren’t as bad

And then I ran out. And I stopped. And now im 4 years clean from it

Very similar story with my meth date: April 1st 2023

I still had a little bit of meth left but that was the day I said I didn’t want to get anymore. And when it was gone, it was gone. And now it’s been over a year

[spy-flair-extraordinaire]

My next piece for Halloween, this time a Sonic piece.

(did not do lineart and just went straight to colouring)

Featuring not just Sonic and Tails, but also Sally, Bunnie, Antoine and Rotor, specifically in their (often overlooked) SEGAfied Classic designs (the gameverse and the Archie Post-SGW reboot are the same canon to me, OK? You're not changing my mind, SEGA are cowards for not counting it!)

These kids are just about ready to go trick-or-treating!

The Halloween costumes from left to right are:

Pilot for Tails. At first I thought about dressing Tails as a mad scientist, but felt that's a bit too on-the-nose of his smarts. After seeing 2019 Halloween art by Mark Hughes that had Tails dressed as a pilot, I decided to choose that costume instead bc he looked really cute in it. Is it also too on-the-nose for his flying? Eh, you be the judge.

Vampire for Sonic. Very classic costume, one that Sonic has worn multiple times in various promo artworks. Of course I had to continue it here, it would definitely be a costume he would actually wear.

Witch for Sally. Sally has had a witch costume done before, back in Archie pre-reboot. Wanted to continue that bc she makes a great witch. Used Amy Rose's Witch costume from this 2022 artwork also by Mark Hughes for reference, but with changes so it fits Sally more. And I drew her a broom before finding out there's actually an Extreme Gear that's literally a broom. So the little hook at the end is a nod to that.

Marxio Brother Grouchio for Rotor. Funnily enough, I had no clue what he and Antoine's costumes were gonna be. For Rotor, I thought about either an inventor or scientist. But much like with Tails, it'd be a bit too on-the-nose on his inventive personality. I eventually narrowed it down to him dressing as a Marxio brother! Yes they're Sonic the Comic characters parodying both the Marx Brothers and Super Mario, and yes in StC they're evil, but StC is also another alternate universe or alternate zone within the Sonic multiverse in my mind, so gameverse versions of the the Marxio Brothers is likely and would not only be good, but they'd also still got games and be at our Mario's level of popularity and that Rotor plays them (inspired by @adokle's genius ideas on how he takes non-game characters like the Marxio brothers, other SEGA IPs and scrapped concepts and run with whatever idea he has for them and make it a thing! Please follow him and reblog his stuff!)

Knight for Bunnie. I could not pass this opportunity to give Bunnie a knight costume! I feel it's a clever way for working in her robot limbs, which would pass off as armour. Would you agree?

Pirate for Antoine. Like Rotor, I was also stuck on what costume Antoine could wear. I settled on a pirate! Used Pirate Sonic and Captain Shellbreaker for reference when making Antoine's costume. And of course he still carries his father's sword even in costume.

I haven't started learning how to draw backgrounds yet (one day..), so I used the Pumpkin Hill skybox! It may not be Classic era themed, but it's certainly fitting for Halloween!

[madisonrooney]

hm. so. thinking about the fact that my last normal interaction with dove precovid was april 2019. with my first time meeting her being august 2015, that meant our initial "relationship" lasted about 3 and a half years. ive met her twice post-quarantine and its not that they werent both heartwarming interactions (the second more than the first as we had more time to talk) but i never like. FULLY got to reintroduce myself and i always psych myself into thinking "oh she doesnt realize who i am unless i like 200% confirm it."

so. our initial relationship lasted 3 and a half years. and its now been more than 5 since it "ended." that recently occurred to me and i like. dont know how to feel about it. i used to complain all the time about how much i missed her, which sounds really entitled but it mostly came from how many liv and maddie tapings i was supposed to go to that got cancelled and how every time id get hyped to see her again only to find out i wasnt sometimes only a day or two in advance but then id convince myself "next time itll happen!" and most of the time it didnt. not to mention, even tho the tix were free, they were a pain in the ass to get. if my math serves me, i think had all the tapings happened as they were supposed to, i wouldve met her more times total in JUNE 2016 than i have now. which is insane to me.

is it weird that i almost. miss the feeling of missing her. bc lately ive just been feeling numb about practically everything. my sadness isnt as intense nor is my happiness. i almost want to feel that sadness just to feel SOMETHING. not to mention its not a sadness thats based in guilt or like me doing something wrong or her doing something wrong, it was just circumstance based. and it came out of love for her.

its just crazy to me that we cultivated that relationship and now i have to wonder if im ever gonna get it back? i cant imagine itll ever be the same as it was then just cuz her being in two big disney franchises allowed for a lot of opportunities like that but just to talk with her again and refresh her memory would mean a lot.

the only times ive seen her post-quarantine were at the cameron boyce foundation gala so not exactly public events. when WILL she do a public event again? sure shes had concerts which ive gone to but we didnt MEET at them. so i havent had a normal meet and greet with her since 2019!!!!

i just. hope restarting things with her is in the cards for me. bc if 19-20 year old me knew where were at now, it would break her heart.

[player1064]

march 2014

WIP asks but it's just the various sections of my happy (???) beville (/angsty carraville) WIP

salford time let's gooooooo.. I know in real life becks didn't get in on Salford until like 2019 but in this universe there's obviously no Miami bc he's not rich enough so he can have Salford be his little project instead. as a treat

---

March, 2014.

“Wha’d’you think about buyin’ a football club?”

“Babe, I know you hate the Glazers but I’m not sure we’ve got a spare billion lying around.”

“I don’t hate –” Gary shakes his head, dismissing that line of argument. “I wasn’t thinkin’ United, you twat. I was thinkin’ a project. Somewhere small, non-league. Proper local, like.”

David looks at him with a squint that says he knows he’s not got any actual say in the matter, then he rolls his eyes and asks “so what’s the club, then?”

Gary beams at him, hops onto his spot on the couch next to him. “Oh, Becks, it’s brilliant,” he says. “I went by there the other day, the grounds are fallin’ apart around them. There’s a committee of volunteers runnin’ it, they’ve hardly got any cash at all.”

Now to convince the other four.

*

“One of us’ll  ‘ave to run it, won’t we? The day to day, like.”

Ryan and Nicky both immediately raise their hands in a ‘not it’ sort of gesture, which is exactly what Gary had been expecting. They’re both too busy at United, and too impatient to have any sort of heads for business. Phil seems like he’s buzzing a bit, all nervous or excited energy that he can’t quite keep in. But he thinks he’s stupid, so he’ll never volunteer himself.

Becks crosses his arms and turns with a smirk to Scholesy, who in return shoots him a look of resignation.

In sync, the two of them turn back to Gary expectantly.

After a moment’s silence, Becks raises an eyebrow and says “go on then, Gaz, make your pitch.”

“There’s no pitch!” he says quickly, then cringes a bit at how squeaky his voice had come out. “But if none of you lot want to do it – I am good at this business stuff, in’t I? And I know about all the – administrative bollocks, that comes with a football club. More’n any of you, anyway.”

Everyone shrugs in a sort of disinterested agreement, and with that Gary’s quite happy to call it a day. Except for the fact that David clears his throat, looks around the room.

“Can I make my pitch, now?” he asks Gary, still with that stupid perfect smirk of his.

Gary waves him on.

“You’ve already got your businesses, and you’ve got Sky, and the England job. Most people, just one ‘a those would be their full time job. And I know I’m not that clever, an’ I don’t know the first thing about running a football club, but you can teach me all that.”

What he doesn’t say, what Gary knows he won’t say in front of all their friends, is that he’s been out of the game six months and he’s already bored out of his mind. David has always been someone that’s in constant motion, always working, always chasing after the next opportunity – the photoshoots, the charity fundraisers, the ‘inspiring the next generation’ speeches. And he’s still got all that, but now there’s this the big football-shaped hole at the centre of his universe that he doesn’t know what to do with.

Sometimes, Gary wishes they’d had the option of starting a family. David would’ve been a great father, he’s seen the way he is with Phil’s kids. Gary, probably not so much, but he’d’ve tried. He’d’ve tried. Maybe then they’d have both had a reason to slow down a bit, to try enjoy what they’ve got instead of always pushing for more, more, more.

Or maybe that’s just who they are. Maybe that’s what made them great. What made them legends.

Gary had been looking forward to getting his hands dirty at Salford. He’s already got pages and pages of notes, stacks of books in his study about running a football club.

He loves David best when he’s working, when he’s focused. Stood alone on the training pitch at the Cliff, hours after everyone else has gone home. Just one more kick, Gaz, then I’m done. Top right corner. Crossbar. And again. From further back, this time. Faster. Stronger. Again. Again. Perfect. Again.

“I think that’s a brilliant idea, Becks,” he says softly, reaching for his hand under the table to give it a squeeze.

*

“The documentary crew want to film everyone at home. Show that we’re down to earth, I think.”

“Well they can fuck right off then, can’t they?”

“Gary…” David sighs.

It had been Gary’s idea, the Salford documentary. It feels like they’re on the verge of something here, something special. His whole body hums with the anticipation. So of course he’d want that on camera, want the whole country to see what he and his friends are capable of.

Maybe he hadn’t entirely thought through what a documentary would entail.

“Fine,” he concedes. “You film in the house, me in the penthouse? When’s the last time we did anythin’ up in there, should probably get a designer in to make it more modern, right? And then the house, where d’you think they’ll want to film? Living room? Kitchen? Best swap out the photos in all the downstairs rooms, just t’be safe.”

“I'm sorry.”

The words stop Gary in his tracks, make him turn to blink dumbly at David.

David's lips are pressed tightly together, his brow furrowed. He really does sound sorry, which is absurd because it's hardly his fault they're in this situation. It's not anyone's fault. It's just football.

When David had got his first boot deal, when more attention started being turned on him, he'd asked his agent what would happen, if the press heard I was dating someone that's not a girl, and had received a pretty definitive answer. And again, when Sir Alex had found out years later. And again, and again, and again.

There are some things a footballer just can't be.

Neither of them are footballers anymore. Or maybe they won't ever be anything but footballers.

[honeyedheartss]

making a separate post for this so I don't hijack a gifmakers post but

@burntstay u literally have no idea! the entire past 2 years have been insane so excuse my rambling post

1. I went to see Dan last Nov and Dec. I went in November when he came to Seattle and got SO excited to finally meet him after so many years that I stumbled all over the MnG and couldn't respond to his very gentle kind compliments. So I flew to Oakland to see him again 😭 It hurt my bank account but not only did I meet him at that show during the MnG but he talked to me during the show too (interactive comedy show and I said I'd fuck the cinnamon toast crunch mascot bc he's a twink. he booed me but then brought it up several more time 💀)

November and December, respectively. (yeah he did accidentally get that fucking silver marker on my arm 💀)

2. Also in November, I had the opportunity to catch Kurtis Conners set he was doing in Seattle :] I went to the early show in the balcony bc it was what i could afford and Loved it sooo much but couldn't see bc I didn't have glasses at the time and at the end when I was calling my friend to talk about it, someone offered me 3rd row tickets because they had to cancel for a family emergency. I took them, could see the set, and it was just as funny the 2nd time!

the next day I'd taken my friend to Pikes Place (popular indoor/outdoor multi-vendor permanent market in Seattle) and ran into him and Jenna in the comics store!

^ me being so insanely happy but embarrassed bc I was partially non verbal and was trying so hard to communicate with him. (he was so incredibly kind and patient and then I helped him find the script he was looking for 😌 <- I do not work at that store)

now rapid fire! I also got to finally see Cirque! my old boss at the club had an extra ticket and brought me along!! (I have tried to sew Cirque THREE times and circumstances have always gotten in the way. mostly me moving abruptly like a week before the date they were in town)

In April, I got to see Hippocampus (one of my FAVE indie bands idc idc) and the guitarist Nathan gave me a pick! I also got to see Conan Gray again (saw him in 2019 without knowing who he was and got obsessed) and Cavetowns show with Tessa Violet. and Tessa RECOGNIZED ME which would have been insane anyways but I look SO different from the past times I've seen her!! I also saw some smaller bands and they were some of the most lovely kind caring people ever!

and then in June I saw 5SOS for the first time. I've been listening to them since I was a little tumblrina in 2014 and I cried so hard during their show. pure unadulterated nostalgia and joy. it was a really good show too (and that month my BFF who I usually go out to Philly to see once a year was able to come to ME because of a work conference 🥹 and my partner came up for our yearly 1 month together!)

also that month I met a comedian I ADORE!!! I found him by accident on Dry Bar Comedy in maybe 2015? and have watched his stuff on YouTube and followed him on Twitter since and I randomly ran into him in a vintage store in Tacoma??? And of course the first thing my dumb ass said instead of "oh wow it's Shayne Smith!! I'm a huge fan" no... I said "YO it's the guy I showed u that one time when I was drunk!!!" to my sister 😭😭 He luckily is a really dope guy, thought it was very funny, and danced around with me

In October I went to a music festival out east and saw a BUNCH of my favorite bands and King Princess said I looked hot, so highlight of my compliments fr (and saw mitski!) Lorde was coming but her set got massively delayed due to faulty tech and I had to make the last train so I didn't get stranded and did not get to see her.

Also I got matching tattoos with my other bff who I flew to seattle to stay with me for a week 🥹 hi @catholicdaredevil

which circles us back to the November/December stuff I talked about first cuz I got excited

The rest of the winter was just struggling through till I saw the sun again but I DID get to meet a long term internet friend at the convention in Seattle (s/o to @pjsforestkid for so lovingly dealing with my low energy the whole day)

April I saw Noel Miller live!!! June my partner came up and we traipsed around

and then September and October I got to sew 4 hozier shows, was barricade for 3 of them (and have professional photos for all 3 times I was barricade which is INSANE!!!!!), hozier called me out on stage for my shirt, I got posted on his ig, and I met almost the entirety of a friend group I've had since 2019 AND DanandPhilGames returned from the hiatus

it's been an insane almost 2 years I finally feel like my life is sorting itself out and I'm so overjoyed

this is such a long fucking post but your tags just reminded me of all the joy and love I have been experiencing and the love that continues!!! I am so happy :)

[foxilayde]

I absolutely don't believe in it (just like I didn't believe in the guy who said in great details how oscar was flirting with his girlfriend in december 2019, he's a tactile guy for sure and friendly to strangers but no I don't believe it) There are literally so many reasons why he wasn't wearing his ring 1. he forgot 2. he got it cleaned 3. he didn't want to wear it bc he was rehearsing the play without it and had to go from places to places to promote the comic book and the photo op thing and maybe he was afraid he'd forget it somewhere... it wasn't the first time he wasn't wearing it. Elvira never wore one anyway. He could be referring to his wife as his lover, that deffo sounds like something he'd do. And with how often he and Elvira are together (they work together, she follows him to prague, hawaii, to other sets, to the theater even) I don't believe he'd have the time or the opportunity to cheat on her. I do believe she doesn't like Jessica though.

Thanks for being the little Angel on my shoulder 😘

[obsessedwithlarkin]

here is my story in sports.

the first sport i ever did was swimming, i actually REALLY liked it and i was even beginning to think that i would've had a future with that. Around my 3rd year of swimming, we found out a new dance studio opened in town and a few of my friends were going there as well. Swimming didn't take much time so I decided to do both swimming and ballet class and had an absolute BLAST. Little did i know i had scoliosis, and the doctor told me it would've been better for me if i avoided swimming training. So I was kinda forced to quit ( but I didn't complain bc I knew it was for my health) and continued to do dance. My teacher was always pushing me and my team to our best but she really had the wrong way of teaching. Yelling at us in class and having us and our parents pay hundreds just for a headpiece the day before recital. Many people, including me, got tired of the situation, and, eventually, a few girls started to quit so the studio shut down due to a lack of students. Araound August 2019, i went to another doctor checkup for my scoliosis, and the doctor said it was better to have me do team sports that required LOTS of warmups. She even suggested me a karate school not that far away from home and I seemed so excited I decided to go there. I just felt wayyy weaker than all my teammates, tho this time the coach was nice at least. After 3-5 lessons, covid and the lockdown came, and after the pandemic ended, the school moved to another city far from home, so karate didn't work out either.

Around october 2021, a new dance studio had just opened and it seemed like it offered great opportunities so I went there. I ended up having fun until I realized our teachers weren't as skilled as they told us they would be, and the favoritism was way too much! Around december 2022 i quit.

I took a couple months of sports, and was actually planning to quit forever, but I was convinced by my best friend to try volleyball. First year was AMAZING and filled with memories and happiness, but during the 2nd year, the work was just too heavy to handle and I couldn't find the right team. I guess it was a me problem but also, all the time I played volleyball i had the desire of coming back to dance

After spending another 7 months without sports, i decided it was time to do something, so I started calling a few studios around town but the problem was they all rejected me bc apparently, i didn't have enough experience. but one day, a school director says that I could try out, so i did. I remember walking into day 1 soo anxious bc I didn't know anyone or anything at all, but that ofc changed

I made friends, the teachers helped me this entire season, i had 2 days of recital, attended intensive and even had my first comp and won 3rd overall, which less than a year ago was just a dream. In september, i will even be starting my first solo!

NEVER GIVE UP♥️🫶🏼

soo thankful for everything APO, can't wait for next year!

Also thankful for everyrhing I did before this, bc it helped me become the stronger version of me that I am today🥹

[pondslime]

the NO-SKIP albums: a tag game 🎶💖

rules: share the albums that you can listen to nonstop. those lightning in a bottle-albums that scratch ur brain just right. every single track, an absolute banger. u could not skip one if u tried. no notes. stunning, show-stopping, immaculate. ur no-skip albums. 🔎 bonus & optional (but imo, v fun) rules: 1) add a track rec for us to listen to! AND 2) share ur favorite line(s) from that track! 👀

had a ton of fun w/boop day!! and I wanna carry on the tradition of harassing y'all w/my notif's into the rest of april!! so I made this funky lil tag game. 💞 here are my picks!! my albums EVER.

📍tagging a handful of my moots that I luv dearly &/or want to interact w/more!! as always w/these thangs, NO pressure whatsoever to do this!! only if u wanna!! MWAH:

@visceravalentines, @possumteeths, @crumb, @betelgeusing, @ace-of-hearts-and-spades, @likedovesinthewnd, @flaggermuser, @lucifers-horror-harem, @f1nalboys, @bluecoolr, @thestandupproject, @bbydahlia, @rottent33th, @kennyroyz, @slutforstabbings, @angel-trapped, @stephendorff, @avrilsboy, @horrorknife, and @universalmonster! (general sidenote: if we're mutuals and I don't ever tag u in these, it's bc I'm v much not sure if ur down w/them!! & I don't wanna flood ur notifs lmao)

🎧 album info/track recs/my favorite lines under the cut!! ↓↓↓

🍃 dance fever (2022) // florence + the machine

track rec: free ↳ is this how it is? is this how it's always been? / to exist in the face of suffering and death / and somehow still keep singing? / oh, like christ up on a cross / who died for us, who died for what? / oh, don't you wanna call it off? / but there is nothing else that I know how to do / but to open up my arms and give it all to you

💎 i was on the news (2019) // the pom-poms

track rec: sunshine ↳ they forget that I'm deadly / 'cause I'm friendly in person / you can say whatever / when we met, you were sweaty and nervous / I see men being petty, this opportunity's perfect / I make 'em wet the bed and call it community service

⛪️ preacher's daughter (2022) // ethel cain

track rec: thoroughfare ↳ so we made off for california to find your lover driving day and night / and every small-town diner, saw our faces at least once or twice / but in these motel rooms, I started to see you differently, oh / 'cause for the first time since I was a child, I could see a man who wasn't angry

🚬 antics (2004) // interpol

track rec: narc ↳ feast your eyes, I'm the only one / control me, console me / 'cause that's just how it should be done / oh, your history's like fire from a busted gun

🔮 timespace - the best of stevie nicks (1991) // stevie nicks

track rec: talk to me ↳ dusty words lying under carpets / seldom heard well, must you keep your secrets / locked inside, hidden deep from view / do I seem all that hard, is it all that tough? / well, I've searched through all my cards, well, isn't that enough?

🍯 for abby (2020) // jawny

track rec: you got a man ↳ I got rubber bands in my hands / I'm pushing six in my pants / I spent 'bout half my advance / just tryna get ya / you taste like warm apple pie / you said you're single, you lied / I saw them texts from that guy / man, whatever

🪩 second nature (2022) // lucius

track rec: lsd ↳ waiting on the nights like a wolf / I count down the days / now I can't eat, I can't sleep / I hallucinate, lsd / love so deep

👑 the rise and fall of a midwest princess (2023) // chappell roan

track rec: red wine supernova ↳ she was a playboy, brigitte bardot / she showed me things, I didn't know / she did it right there, out on the deck / put her canine teeth in the side of my neck

💸 marvelous (2022) // yung gravy

track rec: c’est la vie ↳ bitch, I'm twenty-one, but I still walk around with fake id (what?) / cuddle with the homies, watchin' 'stand by me' (cute) / this dick ain't free, baby, pay my fee (bread) / let me live my life, baby, c'est la vie

[misledyouth222]

A letter written at 1:30am to a dead lover’s Facebook messager::

Dear Sisqo,

Dear god if anyone ever has your password and sees this, man I’m gonna look like a dipshit 😂

I had this whole notes app thing written out, and had planned on sharing it with fucking DMX of all ppl soon, but somehow in my perpetual idiocy deleted literally every note from my phone🫠 v like me.

You called me….god I think I’m 2019? I was at my husbands fam lake house (his name is Mark Hoppus and you’d definitely pick him over me if this was high school), and for a second I was going to answer it and run outside to see what was up, if everything was okay, etc. but my brain got the best of me and I sent you to vm, and you left me the nicest message of how I had just crossed your mind, and you wanted to call to see how I was doing. I brushed it off like nothing bc tbh I expected to be in ~crappy home town~ any time then, and figured I’d see you at ~*dumb brewery*~

I goddamn wish I had picked up the phone. Idk what was going on, or why you called, but that was my unknown last opportunity to talk to you. To may have a good heart to heart. To be a fucking adult and tell you how shitty of a person I was, and how I regretted forever how I was to you, and how selfish I was that I hoped that it was all in the past and you forgave me or some shit.

My ~anonymous family member~ texted me the day it happened. He works at the *made up job like pizza delivery*, which I think you knew bc you had kept up with him kind of. I cried. I fucking bawled like a bitch. And then felt awful bc I felt that I didn’t deserve to have feelings, bc of the shite teenager I was. But I was torn up. I am torn up. Fuck me man, like I found my fucking live journal of all goddamn things, and even things you told me when we were broken up and barely were friends, you were literally one of the best friends I ever fucking had. And I threw that shit away like fucking garbage bc I was a selfish, no good, self centered bitch.

I didn’t go to your memorial at your house. I wanted to. I basically had gotten ready to leave, and backed out. I honestly didn’t know if I’d be welcome. I know that your family didn’t like me literally at all when we finally broke up (obviously for good reason), and I am a perpetual chicken and didn’t go.

Did you know this is how me, and Jay-Z, and DMX reconnected?! I hadn’t talked to Jay-Z in like, fuck 15 years! And DMX as you know basically hides in the darkness of all social media, so I literally hadn’t seen or talked to him since….fuck. 2013. I think I saw you more recently than DMX. I still haven’t gotten up with him bc life, schedules, whatnot. I mean to get up and fall into misledyouth222- land and just falls to the wayside. As you’re familiar.

I had planned on going to your memorial service. I told Jay-Z and DMX they had to go with me. But —- I felt like I shouldn’t. I still didn’t know if I should bc idk how your fam would take seeing this fucking ghost from the past, and I didn’t think it was the time or place. jay-z understood, as he does.

That morning, I went a show at ~*~crappy dive bar in a new crappy hometown~*~, an acoustic set by && lead singer of Americana band&&. I think you’d have liked them, alt country but damn he has a way with words. He was performing his new album before it was released, playing the songs for ppl for the first time. One of the songs was about a friend he had from high school, whom he had lost. When I tell you that I literally broke down in a goddamn dive bar at 1130 in the morning.

Sisqo. You were one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I definitely took you for granted, and I know that now in my (somewhat) wiser age. You were a friend, good person for life, and I fucked that up supremely. I loved you to death, Sisqo. I did. I was a selfish asshole who deserved the dumb poem you wrote and posted on deviant art that I found sophomore year of college bc I was a goddamn weirdo who googled that and literally, deserved every goddam mean thing you said about me. I hope that somewhere down the line, you forgave me.

The last time I saw you, I was sitting at ~*dumb brewery*~ by myself, trying to hook up with another ex from high school bc I was in a newly single (from that asshole you met with the giant head that I almost married but thank god I didn’t bc he may have been the karma I deserved from being such a fucking dumbass for so long) - I was sitting at the bar, alone, and every time you walked by, you made sure I was okay, gave me your dumb big grin, and when I left you told me to be careful, have fun. I gave you a huge hug. I think we ended things finally on an okay note, kid.

There will always be a little Sisqo-sized hole in my heart for you. You were the nicest, sweetest, most patient person I had ever met. You know the shit I went through with other relationships, and you were always there for me. I’ll love you forever.

Also - Im definitely going to use this as a frame of reference when I finally get up with DMX, bc I had started to talk to him about it via text, and you know him, phone advert, said my nervous breakdown was better suited for in person. 😂 and my idiot self deleted my notes app apology. So this rambling bullshit has to do.

Love you, kid ♥️

*names && locations changed to protect the guilty.

[trash-bats]

4 and 13 for the music asks!

4. Top shows you have seen

AFI @ Philly 10/11/13 - I waited 9 hours in line to get a barricade spot for this show, and it was SO FUCKING WORTH IT. fantastic setlist including my AOD fave Ever and a Day, they played Brownie Bottom Sundae out of nowhere, and I got to experience Totalimmortal & God Called in Sick Today for the first time. the girl next to me getting the setlist when she wasn't even a fan of the band is still my mortal enemy tho.

AFI @ Sayreville, NJ 6/18/17 - This setlist was SO, SO goddamn incredible. My first time getting Strength Through Wounding as an opener was divine. I thought privately to myself that morning "man, I wish I could see Malleus Maleficarum live. If they played that one, I'd probably die on the spot," AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW THEY PLAYED MALLEUS MALEFICARUM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TEN YEARS THAT NIGHT????? when Adam started hitting the cymbals and I realized it was happening I started scrambling for my phone, but when that first chord riff rung out I just started SOBBING, desperately handing my phone off to my partner at the time to record it bc my hands were shaking. literally a religious experience for me, I screamed my heart out and I'll never forget that moment.

AFI & Green Day 08/14/10 @ Holmdel, NJ - I was 16 and my two favorite bands were touring together, who could ask for more? well apparently I could, because this was the second time I saw them on this tour (first one was only about 10 days prior in Camden), but at this show Davey Havok came out and sang Who Wrote Holden Caulfield? (one of my favorite old GD songs), and I got to touch Billie Joe's sweaty shoulder as he ran by our section lmao.

other cool concerts I've been to were The Crüxshadows in 2018 (Rogue, the lead singer, took me by the hand and led me to the stage to join the big Marilyn, My Bitterness finale on stage with a few dozen others, and I shared the gayest moment with their beautiful violinist Johanna), MCR in NJ in 2011 (the pit nearly killed me while the openers were going so I had to move to the sidestage area, but I still had a blast), and Blaqk Audio in 2019 (the only time I've gotten to see them thus far but it was MAGICAL).

13. Artists you would like to sit and have a chat with?

I mean, everyone knows I'd legit die if I got to sit down with Davey Havok & Jade Puget, right??? I wouldn't even know what to say to them, what questions I'd have that weren't just basic interview questions or just gushing over how much their music has shaped my life. But who wouldn't kill for that opportunity if it was given to them, you know???

Some other answers would be The Crüxshadows, Depeche Mode, Ludo, and Ghost.

[reciprocityfic]

passing afternoons

title: passing afternoons fandom: little women pairing: theodore laurence x amy march  rating: m summary: “did you have any dalliances after me?” she asks.

he blinks hard as his brain reels for a moment, as he struggles to comprehend what she’s saying. after her? there is no after her. there never will be.

then, he stops. thinks. she means...oh. oh.

she means after that time in the garden, in paris. when he’d first revealed his feelings for her, and she’d rejected him. left him standing there alone and feeling like an utter, hopeless idiot.

oh.

(laurie and amy spend a late summer afternoon talking about the past.)

author’s note: i've literally shipped laurie and amy since like fourth grade. so when i saw little women (2019) and found out it did my bbs justice, i basically cried. i've been meaning to write fic ever since, but alas, here we are almost a year later. i hope you enjoy it anyways.

i have another fic in the works that's longer and definitely more angsty, which i hope to post relatively soon. i also hope to write more fluff (also maybe smut???) for them in the coming months bc GOD i just love imagining these two together. in the meantime, i hope you enjoyed this!

xoxo, rebekah

passing afternoons

They enjoy being lazy after sex.

They’re not always afforded the opportunity, of course.  At night, they tend to fall asleep rather quickly afterwards, exhausted and sated and tangled together.  And the occasional forbidden interlude - when they’re some party or gathering wholly bland or pretentious and the two of them (sometimes tipsy, sometimes bored, always and perpetually desperate for each other) run off to some dark corner or isolated room where he lifts the skirt of her dress and the too-many layers underneath and uses his body to press hers against the wall as he sinks into her from behind and they pray their moans and the sounds of their bodies together won’t be heard - must be short and altogether swift, no time to dwell in the aura of the sensations and feelings between them.

But then, there are days when Grandfather is occupied with the business and the Marches are busy and they dismiss the servants.  It’s just the two of them in their grand house with time that seems to stretch on and on.  Sometimes they’ll make it a game of sorts, shamelessly flirt and tempt each other to see who will break first, but oftentimes they’ll share a look and a smile and then they’re off in a race to their horizontal surface of choice.

Today is one of those days, when they’ve nowhere to be, nothing to do, and are all alone.  It’s an unusually hot day in late September, and when Amy had complained about the warmth, he’d suggested she take her blouse off.  She’d raised an eyebrow and told him to go first, and then one thing led to another and now they’re naked and sore and satisfied, laying on their bed as the early afternoon sun shines in through their open windows.

He lays on top of the sheets on his back, head at the foot of the bed and hands on his stomach, staring up at the ceiling and trying to find imaginary patterns in swirling paint.  She lays parallel to him, but leans against the headboard, her long blonde hair falling around her face as she sketches him.  He hadn’t seen her take out the pad and pencil she keeps in the dresser near their bed, but he can hear the sound of graphite moving against paper as she draws.  He grins as he imagines her face, lips pursed and brow furrowed, wide green eyes focused and the movement of her hand knowing nothing but purpose even with the most casual of sketches.

They do not touch and do not talk.  Still, the intimacy of the situation - of being together and completely safe and comfortable with the person you love most in the world - is overwhelming.  Its warmth cocoons him, and he feels his eyes getting heavy as he lies there, a breeze blowing in from the open window and caressing his skin.

“You had your many dalliances after Jo, yes?”

His eyes snap open when he hears her question, his stomach lurching slightly and his mood dampening.

He ran away to Europe and drowned himself in alcohol, drugs, and women after Jo broke his heart, and he admits this.  Amy knows it, too.  And it’s not that he’s ashamed of that period of time, exactly - while he wishes he had, indeed, bore it better, he finds himself sympathetic to the plight of people scorned by love, however misguided that love might be.

He just doesn’t often talk about it.  Doesn’t like to.  In his mind and in his heart, it is only Amy.  Has always been, and always will be.

Amy doesn’t really like to talk about it, either.  He finds her inquiry curious, but answers anyway.

“Yes,” he tells her, although the word comes out sounding more like a question than an answer.

He waits for her to explain her line of thought, but she simply hums to herself.  He stares at the ceiling a moment longer, then leans up, resting his weight on his elbows.

She’s staring down at her drawing, her face just as he pictured it, pencil grasped between her lips as she swipes her thumb against the paper.  He watches as she takes the pencil out of her mouth and starts at it again, and he watches her for nearly a minute before opening his mouth to speak.

She beats him to it, though.

“Did you have any dalliances after me?” she asks.

He blinks hard as his brain reels for a moment, as he struggles to comprehend what she’s saying.  After her?  There is no after her.  There never will be.

Then, he stops.  Thinks.  She means...oh.  Oh.

She means after that time in the garden, in Paris.  When he’d first revealed his feelings for her, and she’d rejected him.  Left him standing there alone and feeling like an utter, hopeless idiot.

Oh.

He shifts on the bed, drops his eyes from her face.  He can feel his skin begin to flush from embarrassment.

They’ve never talked about this before.

Not that there’s much to talk about, he supposes.  He still hesitates to tell her - not because he fears she’ll be angry with him, but because he doesn’t like to talk about it.  If it were up to him, he would erase from his mind the memory of every woman he’d ever been with until only his wife remained.

But she’s asked, and he’ll be honest with her.

“One, I suppose,” he murmurs.

“You suppose?” she questions.  She’s still staring down at her artwork, but her pencil doesn’t move.

“Sort of, yes,” he confirms.

She finally looks at him, her eyebrows pulled together and a frown on her face.

“How do you sort of have a dalliance?”

She looks genuinely confused, and he laughs lightly at the crease between her brows, sits up fully and reaches out to her.  He cups her face and uses his thumb to rub at the wrinkle of skin.

“Shall I explain?” he asks her.

She nods.

“I...tried to be angry after you left.  Just think - to be turned down by not just one, but two March girls!” he gasps playfully, and she snickers, pushing against his shoulder playfully before dropping her hand to run over the sparse hair on his chest.

“But?” she prompts.

"But I couldn’t make myself angry.  Not at you.  But I also knew I couldn’t just stay there in France and watch you and Fred Vaughn…”

He makes a noise in the back of his throat, and she rolls her eyes playfully.

“We’re speaking of all your affairs, and you want to tease about Fred?”

“It’s part of my story!” he insists with a wink, and she rolls her eyes again.

“Well, keep telling it.”

He smiles, and continues.

“I couldn’t stay, so I did what you told me to.  I went to London, as you know.  And when I first got there, there was a woman staying at the same hotel as I was.  We got to talking one evening at dinner, and one thing…”

He trails off, feeling himself flush again.

“...led to another,” Amy finishes.  “I understand.  I don’t need the details.”

She’s frowning now, even though her fingers still run over his chest, and he despises it.  He has half a mind to drop the subject, to kiss her lips and make her happy and forget life before, but he can’t.

“Wait, I’m not done.”

“Laurie, I don’t need to hear any more.  You had your dalliance, I’m not upset, and we can stop - “

“I couldn’t do it,” he interrupts.  “It didn’t work.”

She pulls back from him slightly, her eyes wide and curious.  She looks down his body.

“You mean you couldn’t...?”

He follows her gaze, and then snorts.

“Not like that.  It - it didn’t even get to that.  Amy, my dear.”

He lifts her chin, and she gazes at him.  He can tell she’s still confused.

“Every time I closed my eyes,” he explains, “I saw you - the face you made in the garden before you turned away and left.  It broke my heart.  It still breaks my heart.  And when my eyes were open, all I could think about was how her skin wasn’t as soft and her hair wasn’t as fair and her eyes were brown instead of green and she just...wasn’t you.”

“But with Jo...”

“It was different with Jo.  I could make Jo into anyone.  I could always pick out the tiniest thing that reminded me of her, in any woman, and then pretend that woman was her.  I couldn’t...do that with you.  Or maybe I didn’t want to.  In any case, being with that woman didn’t make me forget.  She made me remember all the more.  And I only kissed her for about a minute before I realized it was worthless.”

He stops and grabs one of her hands, brings it to his mouth so he can kiss her fingertips, before holding it over his heart.

“And that’s when I knew that this was different.  You weren’t Jo, and I wasn’t going to be able to just...drink and fuck you away.”

She’d normally gasp and swat him playfully for his use of the coarse word, but now she stays silent and presses her hand more firmly against his chest.

“I was in love with you.  Hopelessly and completely.  And I realized that all I could do was stay in London and toil away and... pray that somehow you would change your mind.”

Then, everything had changed.  Beth died, and then he knew he had to be with her.  It didn’t matter if she despised him, or if Fred was there.  He needed to be with her.  But before that, he had been rather resigned to his fate - to work for his grandfather and forever pine after Amy March.

God had smiled upon him, though.  And now, here he sits with his wife, Amy Laurence.  Married, in love, and happy.

“So does that explain how one can have a single, sort-of dalliance?” he asks her.

But she stares at him, eyes shining, almost with tears.

“You were going to wait your whole life for me?” she whispers.

He smirks slightly, turning away from her and shrugging, somehow embarrassed.  But she grabs his face, turns it back to her, and locks their gazes.

“What else would you have me do, my lady?”

“Oh, my lord,” she breathes, and kisses him deeply, until his toes curl and he can feel himself begin to harden once again.  When she pulls away, they’re both panting.  He wants to grab her, to gather her up in his arms again, but her pad and pencil remains between them.

He motions to the picture.

“Still working on that, Raphaella?”

“Maybe later,” she remarks, taking the paper and all but throwing it on the floor beside the bed.  She pushes him back so he’s laying once again, and climbs on top of him, straddling his waist.  “I have another idea how we can pass time this afternoon.”

She leans down and kisses his smiling mouth.

Yes, God had smiled upon him.  Had given him back his love.  And he’s married, in love, and happy.

Achingly happy.

[lazy-whistledown]

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Claudia a bit short of breath when she joined the zoom call bc she had to move her boat. She said she got it filled w/ diesel.

Nicola & Claudia were the first actors cast. Nicola was the first one cast in April 2019 & Claudia was the next one cast.

Claudia & Nicola met briefly prior to Bridgerton through the comedy show, Porters (one of NC’s best friends was one of the writers). NC basically stalked Claudia bc she really wanted to be friends w/ her

Claudia, as we all know, is anti-social media. But she would look up Nicola online to see what she’s up to. Nicola would do really romantic things, like post a bday message for Claudia in case she goes online (I found this extremely sweet). Claudia said Nicola has done this a few times. It’s like finding a treat.

Nicola sends Claudia memes all the time. Claudia doesn’t know what a meme is (adorable 😁). Nicola likened her to a grandma, telling her what the youngsters are doing on the internet

Nicola and Claudia LOVE Peneloise fan art. Nicola sends them to her and her mom all the time. They appreciate the time people take & what the characters mean to people

Nicola said she gets messages from people telling her they’re mad at Penelope for doing this (I think she was referring to the Marina reveal)

Claudia appreciating Nicola for going with her to have vegan hot dog bc she’s vegan. Then she recounted how a drunk Nicola told everybody after a take: “Well, thanks everybody for the opportunity. This has been wonderful.”

NC talked about how Penelope should really talk about her secrets/troubles with her best friend & to open her eyes to other men bc she feels like Penelope is so in awe with Colin. “He’s lovely, but he’s just a guy.” (Preach, sis!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼). Nicola recounted how intoxicating those crushes were at Penelope’s age. Nicola not really into the romantic genre but appreciated Bridgerton especially the Hastings ball when she, Harriet & Bessie were reduced to tears by how breathtakingly beautiful it was.

Claudia said one of her favorite scenes was the one where she told Daphne: “thanks for being perfect, so, I don’t have to be.”

GC spoke with JQ and JQ said that what she liked about Peneloise is the fact that they’re trailblazers. They talked about the dichotomy between Daphne and Peneloise. How Daphne is calmly revolutionizing ways while Peneloise are charging in and trailblazing.

Shonda Rhimes said Peneloise is one of the relationships she’s most excited to talk about

Their favorite moments on set involve food. They’re both Colins!!!! Lol. Claudia simping over the quesadilla and the vegan cheesy garlic bread. Both gushing over the magic sandwich - the best sandwich in the world. It’s hash brown, sausages, and ketchup in a roll. Claudia likes hers with brown sauce.

Both were fangirling over Adjoa & Golda.

Claudia’s favorite moment on set was the very early call times (0445). She would get coffee, have a ciggy, and chant (she’s Buddhist).

Nicola’s favorite moment she said was the the first days of the actors being together (May 2019). She was with Claudia, Luke T, Harriet Cains, Jonny Bailey & Phoebe. She liked the buzziness of starting something. She loves the ensemble quality of any job. Nothing happens in isolation & what you can create together.