#i got emotional while writing this lol

[fatedroses]

tfw youre so mad about your healer getting hurt under your watch that you turn into a dragon and consequently cant turn back for a bit. (or alternatively, shrinryu if he was a light party platform instead of a full party one.)

[willowser]

one thousand lonely stars, hiding in the cold—

android!shouto x reader

wc: 2k+

tags: angst, cyberpunk dystopian setting, financial vulnerability, explicit language, minor mention of sex work + sex workers, reader has strong/conflicting feelings about their situation, and — as always — the question of true humanity.

notes: what a great opportunity this was for me to continue exploring this idea !! tysm to @shoto-brainrot for not only giving me the chance, but also for being such a support and helping me to figure out all this commission jazz !! i so appreciate you, and i hope you enjoy it ! 🩷

original post

You’ve yet to find out what caused the damage to Shouto’s faceplate.

By the time you discovered him outside the credit exchange, he had been busted open and left for—whatever the equivalent of dead is for an android. A gaping hole in the left side of his disturbingly human face exposed his inner circuitry to the rain and you think that should have finished him off, truly, but—he's still kicking. 

Technology in the lower district is distinct. The most careful hands could have crafted him down in the best underground salvage yard and he still wouldn't have lasted half an hour with his face submerged in a shallow mud puddle like that. Wiring would have been shot, fuses blown.

Even if the Todoroki Corporation symbol on his wrist wasn't glowing, a blinking light in time with his would-be heart, you'd know what he is. You'd know he didn't belong down here, beneath the smog, in the industrial bones of your dying city.

And yet—

The left side of Shouto's face took the brunt of whatever blow he'd been dealt, and the scarring—if it's even called that?—has extended down over his cheekbone and backward, so violently that his ear had only barely been hanging on. Without the bandage you've wrapped him up in, he's quite a sight: half a tangled mess of wires and pins, a dull cyan light glowing in his orbital socket. With the wrapping, however, he’s almost exactly as he was meant to be: seamless.

The fate of his detached ear had been unknown. Until this morning.

It still works, much to your surprise, learning so only after wondering aloud the whereabouts of your data docket and hearing Shouto answer from across the apartment. Whoever put him together, you realize, took great care to make him durable, adamantine; the carbon nanotubes and polymer arrays that make up his cochlea were hardly affected by the assault.

Someone—or something—meant to harm him, and you know that for certain, now. Such wreckage couldn’t have happened naturally, not to a Skin-Puppet like him.

(When you look at him, you can’t help but consider his creator. How far he is from them and why. If the hands that made him and the hands that ruined him are the same, if he meant to leave or if he was cast out. You haven’t asked, but it’s odd that a machine could keep such information to himself—itself.)

(Given the brutality behind his mutilation, perhaps it’s best you don’t know the answers.)

Working tech from the richer district—KōkyōLuxuria, above the smog, built high into the clouds—could not only earn you enough to eat this week, but also to pay off all your debts to the League. Maybe even finance a decent apartment a few stories up.

And that’s why you’re here: racing through the slums in the rain, doing your damndest to make this sale before time runs out and you’re forced to find another buyer. Coming across a Hack with 1,640,254 credits in their docket is rare; who knows when you’ll find someone from the Trade in Musutafu sector again? You’re likely to sooner perish—either from your empty stomach or that broker that demanded payment two days ago.

Shouto, however, doesn’t see the urgency.

“Hello, handsome! Awful cold out tonight…care to warm me up?”

“Oh, hello.”

At the even, all-too-friendly lilt in his voice, you halt your sprint again, and spin around with a hiss. “Shouto!” You snap—but it comes too late; the Entertainers have struck like lightning, already scrambling his code. 

Out of habit, you’d pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head before leaving the apartment, and now the material separates his image from view—though you can easily imagine the pleasant expression showing on his face, illuminated in pink under the NanotechNymph advertisement.

At his easily captured interest, two women strut from the open doors of the low-lit den, all allure and swaying hips, mirage flickering beneath the heavy rain. They only meet him halfway—too far from the emanator deep within the club—and you dash forward to stop him from wordlessly accepting their offer. You can’t afford to owe anyone any more than you already do.

“Shouto,” you say again, mouth twisting when he looks at you simply. Despite the hood, his bandage grows dark from the rain and—despite his framework, worry fluxes in your stomach at the thought of him getting too wet. “We have to go.”

“Aww,” an Entertainer says to you, girlish pout pulling down her full lips. “You don’t want to come inside and play with us?”

“No,” you try not to look at them any longer, just in case that racks up a charge, too. Rock solid as he is, Shouto allows himself to be steered away, much to your relief. “Buzz off, holo-ham.”

“I’d like to play.” Shouto pipes up, peeking behind his shoulder when the girls squeal in excitement. “Can we come back once we’ve finished?”

“Not for that kind of play.” You put a hand on the back of his head and swivel it, all while shoving him down the sidewalk. You almost remark on how man-like he’s acting, before chasing the thought away.

“What other types of play are there?”

“Just—hush.” 

And he does, finally, when you loop your arm through his: a presumably innocent gesture that draws his attention fully back to you, as physical touch seems to do, with him. Beneath the material of the jacket, he feels natural, all muscle and bone, even leaning into you as if the weather has made him cold. You can feel him tracing your face with his one-eyed gaze—scanning you—and you pretend not to notice.

“Your heart rate has gone up. Have I made you angry?”

“Yes,” you tell him, though he hasn’t, really. “You and your curiosity are gonna make me late, and then we’ll be in some serious shit.”

He looks away then, down to the soaked pavement, a mimicry of disappointment. From the corner of your eye, you can see his manufactured Adam’s apple bob, and the muscle beneath your hand shifts.

“They seemed nice, the holograms.” He says, and you can’t help the soft snort such a comment merits. 

“Yeah, they’re nice, alright, until you can’t pay them.”

Shouto looks at you once again, stride threatening to falter until you tug him along. “Do you know them?”

You already know where he’s going with his question, and the corner of his lips quirk up when you cast him a filthy look. “Well, no, but—”

“Then how do you know—”

“I just do, alright?” You frown at him and he accepts it in full, studying once more. Whatever he finds in your expression amuses enough that he’s placated for the moment, though you know it won’t be long before he’s piping up again.

He does it often—studies you: body language, physiological changes, speech patterns, vocal cues. Human behavior he catalogs and streams to someone back at the Corporation headquarters, finding the miniscule details he can use against you, some day. Whatever the reason behind his damage, he is still a product of his evil overlords, made for reasons you can only imagine. 

This is what you tell yourself. 

As his fingers shift until their smooth pads are brushing the delicate veins in your wrists, as he tightens his arm around yours when another stranger on the streets knocks your shoulder, as he leans into the warmth of your humanness: this is what you tell yourself.

You’re overcome with a sense of loss and you don’t know why, and you clear the strange lump hardening in your throat. “Life lesson number six, Todoroki,” you murmur it closely to him, nearly into the fabric at his shoulder, though he doesn’t react to the name. “Everybody wants something from someone, holo-hams included.”

Shouto seems to process your words, for a moment, and his face is expressionless when you steal a peek up at him. Technicolor rains down on your both, swathing him in a wild array as advertisements dance on the buildings that tower above you, and again you think of his creator. The careful hands that crafted his smooth cheeks, the sharp line of his nose, the leanness of his body. You wonder if he’s ever been deemed precious.

Nearly all of the residents relegated to the lower districts owe the Todoroki Corporation in some way. Be it through credit loans or applied interest rates on subsidized housing or hidden costs and high premiums on mandatory, shit insurance—Enji Todoroki sits in the lap of KōkyōLuxuria, has probably never even stepped down from his pedestal. 

There’s no good reason a product of his could have found its way to you: this is what you tell yourself.

“And you want my ear.” Shouto says, looking back down at you as your shoulders tense. There isn’t a byte of hostility in his voice, but he must understand the sharpness to what he’s saying.

“Yes,” you admit with a nod, and some underlying, rogue streak of guilt has you pressing into him, as if your proximity could make up for your selfishness. “The sensors in your ear are gonna pay for our dinner tonight, handsome.”

His stride falters once more, and despite the time clock ticking in the back of your mind—you let him stop you. Maybe you want him to. Nothing ever goes unnoticed by him and you know that and maybe it’s cruel of you to say such a thing, to offer a comfort you can’t admit to, but Shouto looks down at you in all his ruination and—

Before he can say anything, a fat drop of water hits the tip of his perfectly manufactured nose. It makes him flinch, delayed, and the surprise he wears and the scrunch of his brow seem so—human, there before you. Shouto tilts his face to the dark, smoggy sky, and again that worry bites you, about too much water trickling into his core.

“We’re going to be late,” you repeat, though it’s much weaker than it was earlier. This is one those moments in which he overrides all your defenses, uploads something warm and hopeful and frightening into your chest cavity; you can’t tell if you want to run because you have to, for the sale—or if it’s a result of watching him now, haloed in neon.

He’s not one to ignore you, but he doesn’t respond, instead retracting his arm from your grip in order to push the hood back off his head. Raindrops soak into his bandage and the excess pools, dripping down over the line of his jaw and the column of his throat. So close to him, you can see the goosebumps that break out across his skin.

(You wonder if he’s ever been deemed precious. You wonder if he meant to leave, or if he was cast out. You wonder if he was created for continued corruption—or if someone out there wanted him to experience life, no matter how rusty.)

(You wonder if he feels as human as he looks. If he can blush, or if the soft skin below his ear can bruise.)

A small sound bubbles out of him, like a light laugh of disbelief. 

You found him face down in the rain; you’re not sure why it could cause such a reaction now, but he turns to eye the commercial playing behind him, before watching the path of a man walking by the two of you. Rain collects in his perfect cupid’s bow until he licks it away, and his hair slicks to the side when he pushes it out of his face. 

Shouto turns his attention back to you rather plainly, though the edges of his smile pull up a little higher than they usually do, enough that the apples of his cheeks round. He asks you, “What’s going to be for our dinner?” and the question is oddly worded, but each one is intentional. 

Maybe it’s not the rain that amuses him—and maybe it is. Maybe it really is that simple, that innocent. Maybe it’s the microtremors in your voice and your increased heart rate, all the little details that could never go unnoticed. 

There isn’t a way that this could end well: this is what you tell yourself.

You nod once and turn to face back the way you came, resigned, before looping your arm through his again. You trace the delicate veins on the inside of his wrist, careful not to cover the slow-blinking symbol embedded there, and you decide it doesn’t matter what his creator did or didn’t want. Because he has wants of his own, just like anyone.

“Okay,” you sigh, and when you slosh through the puddles collecting on the sidewalk, Shouto seems happy to follow along, this time. “I can probably sweet talk Toyomitsu into buying us some takoyaki, but you’re gonna have to play it cool.”

“Is this the kind of play you were talking about?”

That lilt has returned to his voice, even and friendly and amused.

“No,” you swat at him to hear his little huff of laughter, “now stop asking about that.”

Of course he doesn’t.

[martyrbat]

a female character isn't allowed to be a character that is also female. she isn't allowed her own agency and complex motives nor any deeper emotions without it being centered around the male cast around her or a child. even if she's not a mother, she remains one because she could always potentially become a mother or she is the ‘mom character’ to the men/children around her and her actions MUST reflect that. if they don't, she's labeled a selfish bitch. if she is an (actual) mother than that's all she is—she isnt allowed deeper characterization or discussion because thats all she'll ever be, that's all she was made to be. male characters are allowed to be fathers (lireral or in the sense of providing for the people around them) with deeper feelings but a mother? never a mother.

[artsy-dreamer]

So, I was checking out Rin’s page in the Ultra Analysis book 

And I came across THIS: 

I am absolutely reeling at how cute this interaction is??? 🥺🥺🥺🥺 

I can just imagine the context of how it might have happened… 

Rin is in line at a hero meet and greet, tightly clutching an autograph book and wearing his best piece of hero merch, trembling with anticipation as he waits to meet his favorite hero, Ryukyu 

On the outside, he keeps his usual composure (or most of it, anyway) but on the inside, his heart pounds harder with every step he takes towards the front of the line 

And finally, he comes face to face with Ryukyu 

They exchange greetings, Rin muttering a quiet “ni hao” as he processes that oh my gosh I’m talking to my favorite hero right now- 

And after Ryukyu has signed Rin’s autograph book and returned it to him, Rin tries to muster up the words to tell her how much he admires her, how much she’s inspired him in his own journey to become a hero, inspired him to wholeheartedly embrace his quirk and push it to its limits… 

But all that comes out is: 

“Your… your quirk is so cool, ma’am…”

Aiyah! What am I, five? That sounded so lame! 

He quickly perks up when Ryukyu smiles warmly and thanks him, then asks him about his own quirk 

Rin’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree, and he quickly goes into detail explaining how his quirk works and his special moves inspired by her, barely able to contain his excitement 

“You can shoot your own scales? Incredible!” 

Rin’s heart nearly stops- did he hear that right? 

This hero that he admires so much 

This powerful hero in the top 10 

With the coolest quirk he’s ever seen in his life 

Thinks HIS quirk is incredible?? 

HIS??? 

QUIRK???? 

It takes every last bit of restraint Rin has not to break down in happy tears right then and there 

Instead, he sincerely thanks her, his voice a bit wobbly in spite of himself, and when they pose for a picture together, Rin’s smile is bright enough to blind a room 

He leaves the meet and greet walking on air and still smiling brightly, hugging his autograph book close to his chest 

Today was a treasured memory that he won’t be forgetting any time soon

[lenievi]

funny thing about early season 1 is that you can sometimes read more emotions on Spock’s face than on McCoy’s lol

[aviisick13]

Drew a thing on how it felt on chapter 4 (some pics are taken from the BDP site)

[transhitman]

JAY IS DONE. I haven't done a finished piece like this in forever and I forgot how long it takes LOL. Begging you on my hands and knees to zoom in on these.

James "Jay" "The Hammer" Hammer is an earth-genasi astral self monk (any pronouns). Their elemental heritage isn't super pronounced since they're a couple generations down from their dao ancestor. Though the opal texture on their teeth, eyes, nails, and palm of their hands was always present, the fact that their insides are multicolored only became unmissably apparent after they developed eczema as a child. It grew in severity in conjunction with her acne later on. Her body contains a supernaturally high amount of silica, which is what her wounds eventually scab over with after the normal blood coagulates. Jay is currently seeking to transcend the material form via a perfect workout routine and nutrition plan, and travels around in search of a more complete and informed worldview. That specific path to enlightenment is a bit unorthodox, but beyond that Jay is an extremely normal guy tbh.

His astral self is based on a design that appears in the music video film Beyond the Mind's Eye, except way beefier lol. As the color wheels on the mask turn, Jay's eyes change to match whichever color on the wheel is furthest to the front. I'll design the body at some point but I don't get that until way later. And I am very tired lol.

[invinciblerodent]

OC Patron Saint Quiz

Tagged by @sketchyelvenasss for Iona - thank you love, I really like things like this too ❤️

Tagging @starfightrpilot if you feel up for it, for one of them plucky wizard girls I so love? ❤️

[And if i might ramble for a bit about Themes and such, this seems... very fitting, actually. Like, looking at the results, it honestly feels almost inevitable that she'd get this one, lol.]

Blood has always been something of a core theme in Iona's story. A lot of her imagery and general persona is meant to be very visceral, guided by blood, and in some ways, it's always all coming back to it: some elements are more surface-level (like the red of her hair being explicitly meant to resemble blood when stuck to her skin), but also a lot of her background is based around the rejection- and then the embracing of a legacy of blood.

.... Which makes her sound a lot like a Dark Urge character even though she's not, lol- what I mean lives more in the ballpark of the immortality and continued chain of existence of an elven soul, the magic continuing to be passed down through her bloodline, it just being matrilineal in its nature (since femininity in general is often conventionally associated with blood), her whole past being about denying and hiding what her blood is capable of... It's kind of a contrast of living in opposition to her nature vs. indulging in it, not to mention how heartbeats, warmth, and the consuming of blood, of life, all feature heavily as a theme in her most important relationship too.

I sometimes like to kinda "reduce" her almost to her cunning and wit because I find it fun, I like her being my weasel-woman too morally slippery to be caught by the consequences of her actions, but I do also love that beneath that veneer, she's just.... ferociously and defiantly alive, and learning what that means for herself.

Like, I really like the thought that she wears masks and plays roles and lies effortlessly, but if you cut into her, at her core... there is always going to be blood. She is blood, and fire, and force, and defiance, and yearning, and teeth, passion, life.

It's fitting that one of the first moments of genuine authenticity in her adult life was someone tasting her blood, and that the one most drawn to her would be an undead man seeking to feed off that heat in her, lol.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

You legit have the best spn takes I love the patheticness of Rowena but never actually thought too much about it but your post makes me appreciate that part of her sm

Thank you! People are so nice to me 🥹 she needs to be a little scheming worm who gets maybe two thirds of what she wants maximum. She needs a project. She would be bored of running Hell with no conflict or further goals within about a week. Rowena has wanted the IDEA of running Hell for a long time but from what we've seen of what being monarch of Hell actually IS with Crowley (or, what he made it into) she's going to be bored out of her skull. She looked bored in the episode. She's a schemer!! Let her scheme! It's like if Chandler from FRIENDS just stopped telling jokes forever as his final position on the show and all his (titular) friends agreed it was good for him. Or if Winston from New Girl put down his racoon costume and said "I'm going to become an ivestment banker" and did it with no issues and no silliness that was his endgame. It doesn't feel right.

Anyway!!!!! Pathetic Rowena is so good. When she was trying to build a coven and all the witches were like. Have you forgotten that you're a complete loser??? Or when she "reconnects" with Crowley as his untrustworthy advisor and gives the most obviously scheming bad advice and the only reason he lets her get away with it is because she's his mother and he pities her a little. Or when she manages to get in good with Amara but Amara's like hm. You kind of suck huh. like that's golden.

I would have had, for her final appearance as "queen of hell", she does her whole big grand entrance being carried around by demons (loved that for her), giving (slightly quicker) lofty advice* about working on relationships (because that IS necessary for the theme of the episode) and getting her demons to look for Michael. And THEN after they get the news that he's not in Hell, have one of her demon aides warn her that the actual queen is coming so she's gotta go and the boys are like. The who. What. Meanwhile Rowena is scrambling to get her things and is like 'aye well maybe introducing myself as queen was a tad preemptive, but I will be. Good luck boys, best get out of here sharpish if you want to keep yer heads ❤️" and a specific goodbye to Sam with a kiss on the cheek since she was. His best friend???? and they don't presently have A Moment in the episode. It wouldn't take much. It would also solve the weird place of them being best friends with the queen of hell where - presumably - eternal torture is still happening. Easier to handwave if the position of power is incredibly tenuous like Crowley's was always depicted as.

To conclude. Kiss kiss kiss 💋

*not to be confused with giving Lofty advice, a character from BBC Casualty who crossed over to BBC Holby City and whom I hate with the fire of a million suns.

[aniposting]

getting high and experiencing emotions make me realize how i can and have altered my own experience in life. it makes me realize i have an arsenal of coping mechanisms for when i feel bad and that i can effectively execute them.

it makes me realize how i’m doing so much better than i was, that i can sense when i feel bad and i can correct my course, that even when i’m experiencing anxiety from smoking weed, i can still stabilize and calm myself.

i feel myself getting amped up, and anxious about the way my body is feeling (it gives me some kind of hypersensitivity to my body like breathing) and accurately help myself calm down. i’ve only experienced one panic attack while high and i have been experiencing a bit of anxiety since then (only when i’m not with friends who keep me busy), but each time now i’m able to calm myself down.

i don’t really smoke often anymore, but i’ve been able to realize my own emotions, listen to my body and accordingly respond based on my needs since beginning to smoke about 2 years ago.

i feel i don’t need to anymore. but this helped because at least i now know where my progress has (partially) come from.

[candycryptids]

Got tagged by @cafe-melanion for… (very short drumroll I’m excite!)

5 Character Associations !!

(Featuring Mochiie this time OwO;)

Emotions

Compassion

Stubborn

Selfless

Pensive

Protective

Colors

Crimson

Goldenrod

Emerald

Burnt Umber

Black

Scents

Leather

Garam Masala (Curry Spice)

Campfire Smoke

Gooseberry

Fresh cut hay

Objects

Chocobo Saddle (meticulously maintained)

Wooden bowl + spoon (old, stained from use )

Krakka Roots

Satchel (full of imported spices)

Comb (ornate carved wood, features Sun and Moon motifs)

Body Language

Touching/finger combing his hair when he’s thinking (strategizing)

Touching his fingers to the meat of his palm in rhythm (also while thinking, this time about numbers or songs)

Holding (someone’s) wrist/shoulder/cheek/back of neck (based on familiarity) while talking

Forehead touches as a form of affection

Biting his nails/pulling his tail fur (Anxiety/dread)

Aesthetics

Multiple cups of gently steaming tea with creamer arranged around a table

Constellations, suns, moons, tarot

Silky fabric that flows like water in shimmering jewel tones

Children with wooden swords playing at knights and heroes together

The rush of wind against the body while running full gallop on Chocobo or horse back, the heart sings

(Bonus) The crisp thwang noise of an arrow being released, dripping blood, red claws, and bared teeth.

(no pressure!) but I taaag..

@mrlarkstin @avirael and… …. 🤔 (realizing I don’t remember many xiv blogs off the top of my head who haven’t done this before u h) Anyone else who’s wanting to do some associations for their WoL/OC’s >:’0

[theultracharmingladynoire]

something something about how the rings not just symbolised Yuuri and Victor's bond and was not just an omamori for them something something Victor was the first person Yuuri wanted to hold on to and share his dreams with and depend on after fighting for so long ALONE something something the rings symbolising this exact same thing something something about how Yuuri's arc still is wonderful even when he didn't win the gold because he finally learnt to actually depend on people, share his dreams and aims with them and not fight alone which is something he struggles with for the whole show

[faceglitchsworld]

Here's me trying to understand the storyline and the characters on the beat/beyOnd MVs

Author's note: idk if I just wrote the most obvious things or not. I needed to leave out all my emotions after watching the beyOnd MV. Also, there's some speculation about the background of both Mill and Nine's characters, I would be very happy if you'll reblog this post and add your thoughts on it. Or just using the replies. Also no timeline/multiple universe theory here, I'm not that great at those kinds of stuff. The post might be confusing too.

And that's it. The OOO's undergrOund idOl series has come to an end. What a great way to start 2023. We got a bombastic song and a cool remix and, honestly, I think both the songs will brainrott me for a while. But you're not here for the songs am I right? You're here for me trying to analyze the MVs and see if I've understood the story or not. Well, let's see if I did it, shall we?

What I always loved about the OOO' undergrOund idOl series is the relationships' slow building. Everything is always natural thanks to it. And here we didn't get disappointed at all. We got a very well-made Friends to Lovers story and I'll show you how we got it.

Let's start with the beat MV for a second so we can talk about the entire story as a whole.

So, when I saw Nine on the MV, the first thing that came into my mind was the ending of the book Kanohomo by Naoto Asahara. In this book, Jun, the main protagonist, tries to accept his sexuality while trying to stick into society. Throughout the story, tho, Jun experiences some very heavy stuff and understands that he can't keep being himself and trying to be someone who's not him at the same time. That's why in the end he decides to move into a new city and attend a new school where he can finally be himself without caring about what others will think of him. And, believe me, Nine reminded me a lot about Jun (I was literally screaming "AH, FINALLY I'VE GOT THE KANOHOMO'S SEQUEL" while watching the MV). Of course at the time I immediately projected Jun's story to Nine and I must admit that I was a little reckless in doing this. From what we have known Nine could have just been a happy queer teenager that lives a happy life and his family supports him every time. But then the beyOnd MV happened and...let's say that some of my projections might be true. Maybe.

We see how Mill and Nine's relationship starts as a simple friendship thanks to the lollipop scene. And I admit that when I saw this scene without the beyOnd MV I was a little, um, confused. It looked like everything was going too much faster for me (actually the entire MV seemed faster than beyOnd). Of course, Nine could have just been that friendly, extrovert classmate who wants to be friends with everyone but the lollipop scene happens after Nine takes Mill away from the bullies and this is not something that a simple friendly classmate would do. Unless you didn't experience the same thing and you don't want another one getting hurt in the same way.

The art class scene is how Mill sees his new friend. He's a model, a muse for him. He wants to be like him: extrovert, good in sports, more secure of himself and probably with better hobbies than his.

I admit in this last statement that I'm projecting a little from my own personal experience in middle school, where making art in general (drawing, playing music etc.) would have made you like a freak or a loser but seeing how Mill reacts in the beyOnd MV before knowing Nine makes me think that he's mocked especially for this reason (I mean, he's afraid to show his drawings to anyone. ANYONE). Or maybe it's just me who projected my younger self on him :P

Mill starts to have a crush when Nine enters the art class and decides to pose for him and spend time with him. Probably it's the first time where he sees a friend getting interested in something that he loves. And that might be the reason why he starts to have feelings for him. It might sound off, but he's a teenager after all and probably it's the first time he falls in love with someone. Founding someone that shares the same interests as you can be the reason why you start feeling the love at that age.

In my opinion, the kind of love Mill has for Nine is the idealized one. Now, this kind of love is pretty normal if you're a teenager and you experience love for the first time. You still don't know exactly how a relationship works. Not to mention the fact that Mill has seen Nine only when he "shines". He sees him with his friends, when he protects him from the bullies, when he shares time with him. He never saw him at his lows. Put all of this in the mix and you get your ideological love.

Now, the "problem" with those kinds of relationships is the fact that they immediately fall apart at the exact moment the couple meets their first obstacle. Again, it's pretty normal that this kind of thing happens since teenagers don't know how and what must work in a relationship. They're not mature yet for understanding everything.

That's why the last scene on the beat MV is so powerful to me. Not only for the cliffhanger at the end but also because Mill sees for the first time someone who taught being always invincible and strong getting hurt. That's why he gets scared and worried, he didn't expect to see him in that state. And this is why I got scared and tough that the beyOnd MV would have given us the tragic ending. We're were left at the end with a big question: what he's gonna do now? What will happen to them and their relationship? And I thought for a while that Mill could have abandoned Nine and just broken up everything because of this event.

Ok, enough with the beat analysis, let's talk about the elephant in the room: the beyOnd MV.

Now, the MV confirmed in part what I thought about Nine's character. He surely had some bad experiences at his previous school so he sees this new environment as a new opportunity for him. A fresh new start where he wants to show his true self. Or well, only the parts he wants to show to everyone. Because he likes playing music but strangely he doesn't show this trait to anyone. Anyone except Mill of course.

In the beyOnd MV we have what might be the first actual encounter between Mill and Nine when they clash with each other and Mill's drawings fall on the floor. I think the lollipop scene happens the day after this one scene in particular since we get an actual encounter between them and not just a simple sight.

And I must admit that I projected even more that Nine might have gone through some terrible experience before attending the new school. Probably he also experienced bullying in his old school and when he asked for help no one helped him and abandoned him instead. I think Mill reminded a little of his old self and he decided to talk to and befriend him as a way to help. This is a very nice way to start a friendship if you ask me.

The beyOnd MV seems to confirm that a bunch of scenes happened in the beat MV are set during the beginning of their story and this might confirm that the first one who fell in love is Mill. Nine on the other hand seems to take more time and, again, his past might have played a major role in his attitude. After the first scene where Nine saves from the bullies (which is also one of the last scenes in the beat MV), Nine takes him into what looks like a storage room and they made it into their refuge where they can do whatever they want.

And here we get some scenes where we actually see Nine and Mill's friendship developing. Take the ping pong scene for example, where Nine teaches Mill how to play and, by doing this, Mill starts to become more confident. Or the scenes where Nine watches Mill's drawings and he compliments him for his works. Not to mention the piano scene, my favourite one.

I think it's one of the few moments where Nine decides to show a side of himself that he doesn't show at school. He trusts Mill so much that he knows that he will not betray him. I think this scene is also the one where Nine starts to have a crush on Mill. The reason? Watch the art class scene on the beat MV and you might notice some nice parallels like Nine and Mill laying their head on their partner's shoulder for example.

And when does Nine develop his crush on Mill into something more exactly? During the cake scene for me. I highly doubt that scene happens immediately after the piano one. Maybe we got a sort of timeskip where they're celebrating something (a year since they met and they've become friends? There's only one candle on the cake after all and I doubt they were celebrating a birthday) and, thanks to Wookjin's acting skills, we can clearly see how he loves Mill and wants to kiss him on that occasion. But he hesitates. Maybe it wasn't the best time for that. And that's why we got the final scenes.

I don't know Korean but I think Nine's note was probably about him asking Mill to come to the phone booth that night. And, well, we know what would have happened if Nine didn't meet the bullies, right?

We would have gotten a confession! :D

And a kiss.

Of course we could have gotten the kiss. They love each other at this point, I can see all the other OOO members singing Kiss the girl from the Little Mermaid in the background (lyrics obviously changed to Kiss the boy).

But the bullying scene happened and we got Nine injured. And a continuation of the beat MV. And honestly, I'm so happy that we didn't get any sad ending but a sweet one.

Now, I admit that seeing Mill taking care of Nine made my heart melt, since I crave the hurt/comfort scenes, especially if we talk about well-made scenes. And oh boy, those scenes are well made for sure. The only thing that confuses me is the setting tho. I think it's their refuge where they spent time together but I don't know if it's exactly that, the director was too focused on giving us some symbolism with the light on Mill and Nine (and I'm sure there is but I'm not that much into colour theory sadly). But despite that, I honestly felt how sweet the entire moment was, especially when Mill lays down next to Nine to make sure he's ok.

And by watching this scene I think their relationship and characters evolved so much. Mill didn't just "return the favour" by taking care of Nine for once, he also sees him in another light. He doesn't see him in an idealogical light anymore but in an equal one. He understands that Nine isn't always invincible and that there are times when he'll need his help. And he will be for him no matter what.

Nine on the other hand has finally found someone who didn't abandon him, someone who can trust and give all the love he wants.

The kiss scene at the end marks what will be a new beginning for both of them. They have each other and they'll overcome this stage of their life together as lovers. And I was grossly crying while watching that scene but that is another story.

Oh yeah, I was almost forgetting that here we didn't see the origami birds at all (or maybe they were on some corner and I didn't notice) D:

In my opinion, I think we didn't see them because their love story has just begun in the end. While both begin/be free and because/be mine's storyline talk about love stories that start during their MVs and have some development later on, the beat/beyOnd storyline is much more focused on the beginning of the love story. Sure Nine and Mill have a crush and develop some feelings for each other but they don't become an actual couple until the end. So, since the origami birds are a representation of how the love story and the couple are developing, they would have appeared if both of them have become a couple much earlier. But by doing this probably we wouldn't have gotten the entire build-up so, well, let's hope to see them again if OOO will make undergrOund idOl 2 and they'll decide to bring the storylines once again :D

And that's it, this is my (somehow) analysis of this story. I tried to remember everything but probably I might have messed up or forget something soooooo, add your thoughts on it if you want :D

[beeapocalypse]

back on the arduous track to figure out how to write again after months of nothing

[pepprs]

retreat day 4 done. it’s been a really good day i think

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Finished Season 1 of my HSMTMTS rewatch and I am having FEELINGS

Honestly I just love season 1. Like I adore all the seasons obviously, for their own reasons, but there's just something about season 1. Not only the first season but the first one I saw, and it's just so special. I remember looking at the tag after the season, before I even had a Tumblr account, and freaking out over the deleted scenes. And laughing over it with my sister but still being actually excited for the next episode to come out. I know I can always rewatch it, and the rest of the show, but it's still sad knowing we'll never get another curtain call, another choosical, another school dance, another what team, and another of every other amazing moment after next week.

I'm just not ready to let them go :'/