#i got a shitload of hits on it in one day idk why else that would happen
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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago
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Survey #457
“blue are the words i say and what i think  /  blue are the feelings that live inside of me”
Do you buy your lingerie at Victoria’s Secret? No. That shit is so overpriced and not for my size group. Would you ever use an online dating service? I never would again. Are you good at multitasking? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Have you ever eaten Frosted Mini Wheats? Ugh, those are so gross. What does your bikini look like? You think THIS bitch wears a bikini??????????????????????? Does age really matter in a relationship? To an extent, yes. How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? I honestly don't even know if I'd be here without her. Almost like magic, Sara popped back into my life right after I returned home from the hospital following my suicide attempt. She helped make recovery possible as a solid source of support. Do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough. My skin is so dry; I need to. Do you believe in teenage love? I experienced it deeply and thoroughly, so yes. Have you ever sat on the roof of your house? No. Do you like Sublime? I like that one popular one of theirs. "Santaria" or whatever it's called? What’s your favorite movie genre? Paranormal horror, especially the "found footage" type. It's creepy to imagine it being actually real. Is there a celebrity that you’d be willing to have a one night stand with? If he was single? I know in my gut I would lmaooooo Do you want to live in your current town the rest of your life? OH MY GOD PLEASE NO If you found out today your best friend was gay what would you do? She's demisexual, so. She can like anybody. If you could get a pet for free today-what kind/what name? A tegu, because it wouldn't need an enclosure that I don't have. I'd let it free roam. God, I can only imagine Roman's reaction. How many people have you slept with? If you mean what I think you do by "slept," one. Do you ever wish you had a family business to become a part of? Not really. What’s the most gruesome way you could come up with to kill someone? Hunny, have you seen my dark RP????? The world best be glad I'm a pacifist lmfao Do you think anyone deserves to die that way? I don't believe in torture, so no. If you had to fight for survival, what would your weapon of choice be? A gun, I guess? I'd want something with range and that's quick. I wanted to say a bow and arrow, but preparing another arrow after shooting once could really cost you your life. Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog, period. If not, are you afraid of them? No, I love big 'ole puppos!!!!! I just don't wanna own a dog myself. Are you good at playing darts? Holy fuck no, I have NO hand-eye coordination. I once stabbed the guy at a balloon popping booth thing with a dart in the arm, if that tells you anything, ooooooooooof. Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? YESSSSSSSSS omg Do your parents know that/if you smoke? They know that I don’t. Have you ever been under a blacklight? Omg so in elementary school, we did this thing once where we all washed our hands as best we could and then put them under some sort of light (maybe a blacklight, idk???) to see JUST how resilient germs are. You gotta scrub the fuck out ya hands, people. How many pounds do you want to lose? I'd rather not share a number, but a lot. What’s your favorite natural phenomenon? The Northern Lights. Do you snore? Very surprisingly for someone with sleep apnea like mine, I actually don't. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? Off the very top of my head, one, but it's spelled differently. I KNOW I know of a shitload more Brittanys, though. Is it possible you could be pregnant? Well, I haven't been intimate with a man in years and just finished my period, so like- Could you go a day without texting? I go most days without texting. Do you have a step-parent? My dad is remarried, so yes. If so, do you get along with them? She's EXTREMELY Christian, so her beliefs wildly disagree with mine, but I keep my mouth shut a lot just to keep the peace. She IS a very sweet woman, nevertheless, and am glad she and my dad are so happy together. Does your current/last job require that you wear a uniform? My last job (which lasted not even two hours lol) did. When will your driver’s license expire? My permit has been expired for like... two years. Do you live in an apartment? No. If the last person you kissed proposed to you what would you say? That's too wild a concept to even imagine. I'd probably ask if she was okay lmao. Would you ever get back with one of your exes? Weeeelp, I want to get back together with Girt. Pretty badly. Write a foreign word, and what it means: "Schadenfreude" is a German term that essentially means secondhand embarrassment, but it doesn't have a perfect translation. Is there an ex you think about everyday? Inevitably. That's PTSD, my friends. Who is the last person that you said I love you to, besides family members? Sara. What's the worst thing you have ever said to anyone? Something along the lines of "no one could ever love you like I do." It boils my blood just typing that; I considered even deleting this question. That quote right there is fucking manipulation, even IF I thoroughly believed it. Who was the last person to comment one of your pictures? I don't feel like looking. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? It's weird, I'm into slightly older-than-me guys, but probably girls who are barely a bit younger than me. Have you ever been used? I don't think so. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? Like I've said in plenty of surveys: Jason is probably a permanent fixture. But also as of the past two days, Girt's been living up there. I went from "hmmm I just don't know how I feel" to "FUCK I want to talk to him about how stupidly into him I am right this fucking INSTANT" pretty goddamn fast. It kinda scares me just because of how extreme my feelings are. Again. That's only ever gotten me hurt. Buuuut let's not get into that. Have you ever got caught cheating on a test? No, because I've never tried to. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope it won't be. But it's not like I know the future. Have you ever worn an oxygen mask? Actually yes, when I was young and thought I was having an asthma attack or something. Mom had one for her own asthma. Then I obviously wore one for surgery. What song do you want to be played at your funeral? "Paradise" by Coldplay is absolutely #1. How many swear words are in the song you’re listening to? I'm not listening to music; I'm back to watching Gab play Sekiro. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same sex, and if so, who? Yeah, just Sara. Who did you last tell to ‘shut up’? Ha, I think my WoW friend Lyndsey, but only playfully, of course. We pick fun at each other all the time. Would you ever get a tattoo of a boyfriend/girlfriend's name? NOOOOOOOOO. Are you one of those girls who already have baby names picked out? I know what I'd name my kids IF I actually wanted any, yeah, but I don't. Do you think guys with long hair are attractive? Yessss, I love long hair on guys. Are any of your siblings taller than you? I think Ashley is a liiiiil bit taller? I know my brother is, for sure. Have you ever scared someone so badly that they cried? Yikes, no. When was the last time you wore high heels? Boy oh boy, no idea. Is there someone that you want to hurt right now? Jeez, no thanks. What was the most interesting or colorful birthday cake you’ve had? I don't remember, but I'm sure something from childhood. What was the last thing someone bought you? Was it expensive? Mom bought me food from McD's, which obviously isn't expensive. Do you have any interesting moles anywhere you don’t want people to know of? No. Have you ever gotten high or drunk in a really formal place? Strong "no" there. Do you ever write poetry and post it on any certain websites? On the very rare occasion I write poetry and actually like it, I'll sometimes post it on dA. What do you miss most about your childhood? Actually, genuinely having fun and not dealing with fucking anhedonia. Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? Hell no. Do you photograph well? I'd like to hope so. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? Maggots and similar bug larvae. What super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? Mind reading. It just sounds... awful and overwhelming. What’s your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? Oh, I KNOW I have answers to this, just none are coming to me immediately and I don't feel like sitting here for five minutes thinking about it. If adults had show and tell, what would you bring into work? My snek! :') If you had a reset button for the last 10 years, would you press it? Tempting, but... I don't think I would. I cannot go through how deep my depression was again. Who is someone you would never swear in front of? My nieces and nephew. Yes, I don't believe in profanity being a "thing" and is just a stupid human fabrication, but nevertheless I acknowledge societal standards and expectations, and they're way too young to get when you shouldn't say something like that and why. Have you ever won a contest or competition? A few. Who is your favorite TV character? I don't think I really have one? Do you coo over other people’s babies? Not really, no. Sometimes I'll think they're super cute and be like "awww," but I don't like... squeal and spaz like some people do. What is something that makes you very squeamish? VOMIT. Has there been a celebrity death that really affected you? Steve Irwin got me deeper than anyone else. Chester Bennington hit real hard, too. If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? If you’re still in school, do you think you will? Most of my closest ones, yes, at least via Facebook. What’s a movie that you want to see? Old movie, but Jacob's Ladder. It was a massive influence on Silent Hill, so naturally, I'll probably love it. It's a classic, anyway. Do you use the same username everywhere online or do you have a lot? I use "Ozzkat" in most places, but I do have some other ones for different sites. Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? My friend Ana recently revealed she's expecting her second child, a boy. What fad were you actually into? I have zero clue. Have you ever tailgated? Would you want to? Fuck no. That's how so many wrecks happen. My sister legit got in a wreck with an 18-wheeler mostly because she was tailgating (which she does BADLY); she was trying to pass, and he moved over at the same time because he couldn't see her coming around. It's a borderline miracle she got out with only some cuts, bruises, and a seatbelt burn. Have patience, people. Get off cars' asses. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Look, don't get me started on this. There are a shitload of reasons and I have been way too emotional over this the past few days laksdfja;lwke What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel w/ cream cheese for breakfast. Do you ever pick up your house phone? We don't have a landline phone. Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? Personalities, for sure. I cannot be into you if your personality isn't attractive.
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hey-hey-chan · 6 years ago
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Grincherella - Chan
❀ Comedy/fluff/romance with a dash of angst (Cinderella AU)
❀ Word count: 9, 284 
❀ It is THAT time of year again, yes, Christmas season and y/n seems to hate everything and anyone who talks about it. Once she is forced to attending a Christmas party, she is forced to sing, onstage, with the cute boy in her psych class. But the thing is: he doesn’t recognize her. Will she finally let go of her troubled past and present or will she let her insecurities haunt her forever?
❀ A/N: ummmm a mix between Cinderella and High School Musical ? idk what i was thinking but i felt nostalgic i guess .,,, this is the longest fic i’ve EVER written pLEASE dont let this flop AHAHAHA /sweats/ but i also feel bad for making u sit through 9k words /sweats again/ so do what u want i guess
P.S I LOVE YOU ALL! this is a treat for you guys who have been missing my writing!! now im on break so im back in the game !! 
---------
“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” I suddenly got a puff of snow to the face, which made me crinkle my red nose in disgust. “Y/N!!” I slammed my book shut and glared at the boy.
“What?” Jisung giggled and sat on the bench next to me. 
“It’s funny.” 
“What’s so funny about throwing wet snow in someone’s face when they’re trying to read.” I pointed at my book exaggeratedly, a signal for him to leave. He didn’t take it. 
Jisung fixed his scarf, making sure it knocked into my face as usual. He then proceeded to scooch closer to me, which was the final line. “Jisung? What’s your deal? What do you want?” I finally caved. The boy only came to me when he is bored, wants him, or is bored; all in that order. Don’t get me wrong, he was my best friend, but sometimes I just wanted to punch him in the face. 
He chuckled and kicked his feet in the snow. I noted they were adorned with new black snow boots. “I don’t know, I’m just in the Christmas spirit I guess.” I crinkled my nose. “Oh c’mon, I still don’t get why you don’t like Christmas so much. That’s like... illegal.” I rolled my eyes at his exaggeration. 
“Just ‘cause everyone else likes it, doesn’t mean I have to.” I slammed my book shut and looked at the boy in the eyes. “So, it would be great if you would stop pestering me about it because you’re not going to change my mind.”
I got up from the bench and started to walk off to my next class, already starting my day off feeling irritated. 
It wasn’t like I hated Christmas, I just hated when people started to be fake because of is. Kids would act nicer to their parents and relatives to get more money and loot for the winter, but return to the devilish children they are when January rolls around. Cuffing season starts and then couples start to pop up, only for the intent of getting gifts and a “cute” Christmas romance for the holidays. Then, their forced relationship ends. Everything about this season was fake, fake, and more fake. 
And I like real. 
I stopped by a coffee shop and ordered my usual drink: black coffee. It tasted bitter, but I liked the harsh taste of it. It woke me up. 
I walked into my early psychology class and took a seat at the back, my usual spot. I immediately was greeted to the group of loud and rambunctious students who sat in the front row. I groaned internally but simply leaned back in my chair and plugged in my earbuds. 
Suddenly, I felt a presence beside me and out of reflex, I took my earbuds out.
“Good morning, y/n.” I immediately smiled at his cheeky voice.
“Morning, Chan.” The light haired boy frowned and gave me the famous dimple that killed all the girls on campus. Besides me of course. 
“Aw, not even a good in front of that? Now how am I supposed to know what kind of morning I should have?” He pouted, tugging off his scarf and beanie since the room we were in was overly heated. 
I scoffed and shook my head. “What’s so good about it, dude? Our final is today and I feel like death himself.” I joked. It was true, our final was today, and yes, I felt horrible, but even I couldn’t help myself from feeling giddy about the end of the year. 
Chan smile and leaned closer to my desk. “Aw c’mon, y/n, it’s almost Chris-” 
I groaned and made a motion to put my earbuds back in. “I swear to God, if I hear one more person talk bout Christmas, I’m going to explode.” I sighed. Chan broke out into cheerful laughter, like he always does, and shook his head at my reaction.
“You know, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who hates Christmas so much. How can you hate it?? Everyone’s in a better mood, everyone’s in a relationship so you don’t have to run away from boys anymore-” He nudged me jokingly while I rolled my eyes. “And plus, you love peppermint.” 
I nodded, affirming he made a good point. “Ok, you’re right, I do love peppermint.” He was about to give me the cheekiest smile but I cut him off. “BUT, I hate that everyone is so happy this season when I swear everyone looked like they were about to cut me in half in the other 11 months. Plus, my devil for step siblings are shitloads nicer in December but once it hits New Years, all of a sudden they’re stealing my stuff again and pretending to be each other, ‘cause you know...”
“Twins.” He finished my sentence. I nodded and fiddled with my necklace. 
I’ll admit, ever since my dad got remarried, it had never been the same. It’s not like I hated my step mom... all the time... but she wasn’t mom. My mom had always treated me like an adult, even when I wasn’t. I had matured faster than all the kids in my grade, and always had felt like an old soul compared to everyone else. 
Mom used to let me have a sip of her eggnog, that had a little bit of burbon in it, and it wasn’t a big deal. But in my stepmom’s house, it wasn’t allowed, neither was running up the stairs or listening to the music while walking because I could “trip”. I had the same rules as her children, and it was irritating at times. Ok all the time. 
“Hm, well I hope that some day a person will change that for you.” Chan said melodramatically. I chuckled comfortingly, but I knew that would never happen. No one could do Christmas like my mom. 
“Just like how Chaeyoung did that for you?” I teased. His pale cheeks turned a soft red color, blending into his red sweated. I laughed even harder. “Oh come on, you cannot still be embarrassed about your girlfriend, you’ve been dating for a month now.”
Chan tsked and slumped back in his chair. “See, you said two completely different things. Chaeyoung is not my girlfriend, but we are dating. Different. People who have dated someone can understand the difference.” He teased. Usually that would offend people, but I let the insult roll off my back. 
“You act like it’s a bad thing I’ve never dated, it’s normal, weirdo. Also, I know you Chan, and I know that you’re a hopeless romantic who just started ‘dating’ someone because it’s cuffing season and you want someone to hold your hand in the snow at night.” I spat back. 
Before he could say anything, the teacher walked in, signaling the start of the final. I got out my number 2 pencils and gave a thumbs up to Chan.
“Good luck.” I whispered.
“Break a leg.” 
------
“Finally!!” I screamed into my house when I got home. Finals season was officially over and winter break had commenced. I flung my backpack into my room and plopped down on my bed. My back had ached from carry my backpack around everywhere and from the unneeded stress from school. It was finally time to relax. 
Suddenly, I heard a slight buzz to my left. I groaned and looked at the text message. 
It was from my stepmom, saying ‘will be home late today, theres some shrimp in the fridge, u can make pasta’. 
Well, that was a long vacation. 
I rolled out of bed and threw on a flannel, ready to cook some pasta. It wasn’t hard, but I just hated deshelling shrimp. It was time consuming, even though shrimp was one of my favorite foods, I would rather someone else cook it for me to be honest. 
After I cleaned the shrimp, I got out the pasta, preparing all my ingredients before I had to start actually cooking something. But before I could do that, I heard my phone ring. 
I rolled my eyes at the caller ID: Han Jisung, aka, Han Solo in my phone. 
“What.” I answered. 
“So....” He paused. I rolled my eyes
“Jisung, I’m cooking dinner, just get on with it.” I heard rustling in the back ground, which meant he was laying down in bed. Lucky him.
“Fine, fine, so, you know how I’m going to that holiday party thing tomorrow that’s for like 3 days and 2 nights right?” I nodded, but realized he couldn’t see me.
“Yup, why, you need me to watch Pepper?” 
“Nope, my sister said she can take him for the days I’m gone, but anyways, my friend, he really needs a date and he-” 
“Jisung, no-” 
“Ok, so I already knew you would say no, so I already said ye-” 
“YOU DID WHAT?” I screamed into the phone. 
I could feel my heart beat pick up in panic and I had to set down my phone to calm down. “Ok, ok y/n, I know what you’re thinking and I’m really sorry but-” 
“No you’re not Jisung, you love this don’t you? UGH, why do you always have to set me up with people?” I felt whiny but I couldn’t help myself. I hated when anyone, especially Jisung, tried to set me up on dates. They always ended terribly where either I, or the dude, was awkward or the thing just never clicked. 
Most of the dudes weren’t even friend material for me, it was a terrifying experience. 
“Ok, but look, this time, the dude is really a good guy. He’s funny, talkative, charming, attractive, good at singing-” 
“Oh then why don’t you just date him?” I mocked. Jisung made a whiny noise and said “Y/n, please, you know I’m already going with Naeun, I made a commitment!” 
I stared at the bowl of dead shrimp, wishing I could be that chill for one day. “God Jisung, you know how uncomfortable this makes me, why would you do this?” I finally said after a long time of silence. 
He sighed and I knew he truly felt guilty. “Ok, I swear I’m really, really sorry. But this time, I think this guy is at least a good friend match for you. Plus, he’s my friend, so he’s got to be a good friend for you, right??” 
“Please y/n? I’ll make it up to you I promise!” 
I tapped my foot rapidly, trying to make a decision quickly.
“Jisung, even if I say yes, my stepmom is a whole nother story. I need to watch the twins, remember?” 
Jisung sighed like he had forgot I had siblings. I guess it was even a new thing for me sometimes, even though it had been seven years. 
“Ok, fine, if she says yes, are you game?” 
“Game.” I muttered. He squealed in delight. “But don’t think I’m not mad at you, ok? I’m still mad.” I pouted, even though I couldn’t really be mad at him when I had just finished finals. My world seemed like it was so much calmer now, yet it never got exciting in the first place. 
“Ok, ok, I’ll make it up to you, all of it! It’ll be great, we’ll have so much fun! AAAH!” 
I hung up the phone before he could convince me to do anything else. I sighed, opening the box of pasta.
“What have I gotten myself into?” 
-----------
Once I was done with the pasta, I heard the door unlock, soon followed by rambunctious screaming and yelling.
“Heeyoung!! I can’t believe you asked Jake for his number, I called dibs first!” 
“Oh shut up, he was way into me anyways.” 
Suddenly, I heard some sort of wrestling on the ground. 
“Girls, girls, c’mon now, you both can have Jake! Remember, if you guys behave, then I’ll get you two new phones.” At the mention of a new phone, the girls both shut up immediately. 
The girls were twelve years old now as Hanna, my stepmom, already had them with her previous marriage. At 12, I never remembered being so spoiled and entitled, it was disturbing to say the least. 
“Oh, y/n, is dinner done?” She said like she just noticed my presence. I nodded and flicked off the stove. 
“Yup, just finished cooking, you guys eat first, I’m not hungry.” I lied. I was starving, but I hated eating with them and I knew they would rather eat with my as well. That’s just how things worked in this household. 
“Ok, you go upstairs then.” Hanna’s attention then turned to her girls who were trying their hardest to not tear out each other’s hair. It was hilarious and sad all the same time. 
Before I could go upstairs, I heard the doorbell ring, which meant Jisung was here. 
“It’s Jisung!” I called out to the table and they didn’t really pay me any attention besides the two girls who were giggling. Yes, I knew they had a crush on Jisung. Yes, it was weird. 
I threw the door open and saw the boy all bundled up in his bright white winter jacket. I raised a brow. “You’re really gonna-”
Before I could finish, he walked into the house and went right up to my mom, who adored him, only because Jisung was rich, funny, nice, and good looking. 
“Jisung! You’re here, oh gosh, did you have dinner? I made dinner, go ahead and have some.” I wanted to correct her lie, but it would do nothing except make me feel awkward. Jisung raised a brow at me but said nothing either.
“Oh no thank you, I just had dinner at my house. But, I just came over to ask you a very important question, Hanna.” I could tell my stepmom loved the attention and was already blushing. God, I hate Jisung and love him all at the same time. 
“Of course, darling.” She cooed at him, her botox hindering her from smiling widely. 
Jisung smiled and brushed his hair out of his face. “So, there was this little get-together thing that I wanted to bring y/n to, and it’s only for a couple nights and-” 
Hanna shook her head and set her fork down loudly. “Jisung, honey, you cannot ask for stuff like that. I like you a lot but you know y/n needs to stay home and watch the girls. I work and can’t be tied down all day.” 
Jisung feigned sadness, which I knew hit some pity points for Hanna. “Hanna, please, it’s a holiday party and-” 
Hanna scoffed. “Ok, we both know y/n hates anything Christmas, she’s the grinch in girl form.” 
“Ok, yes, but she promised me she would go because it won’t just be about Christmas, but about meeting new people, and hanging out in a nice lodge. So please, can she go, only for a few nights?” 
I felt my heart thump rapidly, for some reason, hoping she’ll say yes. I shook away the thought as quickly as it came; I hated Christmas and the snow and the mountains, which is what I would be facing if I went to this party.
“Well...” 
Everyone’s ears peaked up to hear her answer.
“Well, y/n shouldn’t make promises she can’t keep.” Hanna continued to down her dinner and Jisung turned his head to shake his head in failure. I smirked and shrugged my shoulders. 
“Sorry Jisung, it’s just that me and the girls are going to this huge Christmas party tomorrow night as well and I need someone to watch the dog. You know how they get.” Hanna lied lamely and took a bite of shrimp, that was her favorite food as well. “But that’s ok, y/n hates Christmas anyways, I’m sure you can make cooler and better friends at the party anyways.” 
Five years ago, those words would’ve hurt me, but now they were just annoying. I couldn’t wait til I finished college and didn’t have to depend on her for college tuition. I wasn’t like the normal girls in the fairytales; I wasn’t exceptionally smart and heading to Princeton or an amazing dancer like Selena Gomez, I was just... me. 
Jisung didn’t stick around to hear her annoying jabber and made up some excuse. “Well, my mom is expecting me home and I need to pack me for my trip. It was nice seeing you guys.” The all waved to him as I just shrugged at him as he left. He looked defeated in the moment, but with the evil glint in his eyes, I could tell this wasn’t over. 
------
“Don’t forget to feed Princess!! She needs some real food too so just cook her some fried rice, ok!?” 
“OK!” The door shut loudly, signaling I finally had the house to myself. 
I covered my mouth with a yawn, feeling warm and cozy in my flannel pajamas. My hair was tied loosely into two braids. 
“Thank God I don’t have to go out tonight,” I whispered to myself. I felt bad that Jisung had to go to this event by himself since his girlfriend was going with a group of friends. But I didn’t feel bad enough to go. 
I pulled out my guitar and started to strum lightly on the strings. I never could play and sing when they were home; the twins always complained about my music being too loud when they were studying, even though they never studied. 
“All I hear is raindrops
 Falling on the rooftop 
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go 
Cause this pain I feel 
It wont go away 
And today I’m officially missing you”
I gently strummed the strings on my guitar, feeling the groove of the music. 
Breaking my magic, I heard my phone buzz. I set my guitar down on my bed and looked at my phone. 
‘open your window’ -jisung
I scoffed and popped open my window and somehow, Jisung jumped inside my room. That’s what I get for not chopping down that humongous tree I guess.
“Jisung... what the hell are you doing here?” I finally asked in confusion. “You’re gonna be late to the party.” I deadpanned slowly. Jisung shrugged off all the snow on his body, leaving my carpet wet. He was dressed with raggedly clothes and a black mask over his face. Of course he would go as a ninja. For some reason, the party planner decided that the ball should be a Christmas costume party... interesting. 
“HEY, asshole, what do you-”
“You know, I love hearing you sing, why don’t you do it in front of-.” My cheeks were now as red as cherries from the anger and compliment. 
“Jisung, what are you doing here?” He shrugged and adjusted his mask.
“Well, um, so we are gonna go to that party.”
I paused at his words and stared at him in silence. 
“No... I’m not going because you couldn’t convince Hanna. Done deal, bye!” I tried to shove him out, but obviously I wasn’t strong enough. 
“Y/n, y/n, listen, listen.” I crossed my arms at the desperation in his voice. “The girls and Hanna are all gone tonight, and probably tomorrow morning-”
“Jisung, they’re coming home at one am, and it takes an hour to just get to the location of your party, and maybe even longer in the snow. I’m not gonna risk it.” I walked away from him, hoping he wouldn’t follow. 
“Y/n, for Pete’s sake, you never do anything bad or even a little rebellious. You stick to rules and you stick to routine, and yes, I know it’s ‘cause of your mom-”
“She’s not my mom.”
“Right, sorry, I mean Hanna, she controls you but she’s finally not here! That’s gotta be a sign, right??” He spoke with such a desperation that I almost felt sorry for him, and myself, but what could I do? I was stuck here until she came back!
“Jisung, really, I can’t just sneak out, what if she catches me? There goes my college tuition and I can’t even finish college and become a choir teacher like I’ve always wanted. It’s just... I don’t wanna risk it.” I said lamely. 
For a few moments, Jisung was silent, which was extremely rare. He sat on my bed, making it creak slightly. I felt like the atmosphere was tense, even though I didn’t know why. 
“I just... you never take chances y/n, the party is gonna be amazing and all I want is my best friend there.” I sighed and patted him on the head. 
“Jisung, I’m not Cinderella, I can’t sneak out of the house and get back before one.” At those words, he shot up and stared at me.
“You know what? If Cinderella can do it, we can! We can just leave the party at midnight and then we’ll make it home before one, I swear on it. It’s not like the road is crowded when it’s that late anyways.”
I laid in bed, the plan not sounding too bad when he said it that way.I tried to protest, but I had little fight left since he was making such a good argument. 
“I don’t even have a costume.” I mumbled lamely. He raised a brow and gave me his signature smirk. “Oh what this time, Jisung?” 
-----
Before I could comprehend what we were doing, we were sorting through my closet and dug out something I never thought I would be pulling out. 
“Really, my mom’s wedding dress... why.” I spoke, but I was quite breathless. I couldn’t imagine wearing something so beautiful. 
Jisung shook the top off the box and shrugged. “It’s perfect for the winter and perfect for a costume as well. You know your mom, she loved...”
I smiled sadly. “Yeah, she loved winter and Christmas.” I mumbled quietly, but I lost my voice once I saw the dress. I covered my mouth and pulled out the outfit. 
“You’re trying that on now.” Jisung yelped. 
I took my time trying on the dress; as I stared at myself in the mirror, I was astonished by the detailing.
It was a beautiful, pale white dress that was adorned in glitter and sparkles. There were small flowers which resembled snowflakes that fell over the poofy skirt. The cut wasn’t too low, but wasn’t too high either. The sleeves were decked out in glitter, and somehow, it fit me perfectly.
“Y/n, we don’t have all day now!” I hurried up and walked out. As he caught sight of me, he dropped my phone. “Damn, you look so much like your mom.” He whispered. Jisung was one of my only friends who had known me when my mom was still alive and that’s probably why he was still friends with me, because I wasn’t the nicest person after she passed. 
“Ok, hurry up, Grincherella, we’re getting in the car.” 
-------
This was the most fun I’d ever had. We were jamming out to classics in the car and not caring who were waking up. 
Jisung turned down the music and shouted to tell me something.
“Oh yeah, that guy who I sold you out too? He doesn’t need a date anymore, I felt really bad so I told him you weren’t looking for a serious date and he said he’d rather go alone anyways. So now we get to party together, WOOP!” He shouted turned up the music again. I almost forgot about my so-called date and now I was happy I didn’t have one. I could just hide in the corner and eat all the food they had.
Soon, we arrived at the venue, and I couldn’t even hide that it was beautiful. There was a fountain up front that was decked out in Christmas decor. There was a machine that projected snowflakes on the building that made the snow around us stand out. And also, it was huge. 
“Oh shit.” Jisung suddenly said. I turned to him in surprise.
“What??” 
“I forgot a mask for you.” He mumbled. I shrugged. 
“That’s fine, I don’t really need one.” I noted. He glared at me. 
“That’s a lie, hold on, lemme pull out my party box.” I was about to question what that was until the boy pulled out a box from the back seat and started to rummage through it. “YES!” He said pulling out a black mask that was lacey and probably too beautiful for me to wear. “Ok, it’s not white like I wanted it to be, but... hmhmmh hold on.” 
I groaned as he pulled out a paintbrush and some white paint and glitter. “Hold still.” Before I could question him, he put on my mask and started to draw white swiggle lines from the mask and out. He layered silver glitter on me and brushed some glitter all around my face and neck. 
“I love being friends with an art major.” He let out a chuckle and threw the art stuff in the box. 
“You look hot, I hope you get laid tonight or else this all will be in vain.” I rolled my eyes.
“Please, I’d be lucky to even get someone to stare at me.” Jisung laughed and helped me out of the car. The cold air hit my arms, making them erupt with goosebumps. 
“Oh they’ll be staring all right. Now c’mon!” 
-----
If the outside was already wild, the inside was even crazier. Music was blaring through the speakers, people were grinding on each other and I’m sure some people were blatantly just making out. This is why I never leave my house.
“C’mon grinch, at least look alive.” I rolled my eyes and tried to hide myself as stares started to come my way. “Don’t look so nervous, they’re looking ‘cause you’re h o t.” I slapped his arm and chuckled, feeling nervous at all the attention.
Before the two of us could get far, I felt Jisung being pulled away from me. 
“JISUNG! Baby!” I looked to my side and saw all of Jisung’s friends. Naeun had pulled him into a deep kiss, one that I felt awkward to look at. 
“Oh hey, y/n, you look so pretty!” Naeun greeted happily, opening her arms for a hug. Honestly, I never liked the girl, but she was a good fake nice I guess. I smiled widely at her and hugged her back. 
“You look stunning as well!” I exclaimed. “All of you guys look really cool.” I complimented to the entire group. 
“You look hot too, y/n, who knew you could dress up so well?” One of the boys exclaimed, making me feel a bit embarrassed. Jisung rolled his eyes.
“Whatever, let’s go get some drinks.” As they all went to get drinks, I pulled Jisung back. 
“No drinks until after you’re back at the party, I am not going to die or kill anybody when sitting in a car with you, got it?” The boy nodded and gulped, knowing I would actually run over him if he drove under the influence. 
The rest of the night moved by slowly, until the party started to pick up at 11. 
“OK GUYS, EVERYBODY ON THE DANCE FLOOR!” A crowd of people started to swarm into the middle of the venue, making me feel restricted and uncomfortable. In the corner of my eye, I saw Naeun pull Jisung into the crowd, leaving me to fend for myself. 
Great, I expected this. 
I immediately stepped back and found a way out of the crowd and ending up in the corner, like I had imagined. 
“Stupid Jisung, forcing me to come out here.” I pulled out my phone that showed I only had 30 minutes left. Suddenly, the DJ stopped played music and another due stepped on the stage. 
“Ok people, so tonight, like usual, it’s our annual karaoke night! Since most people hate singing in front of people, it’s best that we have our costumes on tonight am I right?!” The crowed screamed and whooped. It was a gigantic crowd, probably the most people I’ve seen together in my entire life. Ok that’s a lie but still. 
I drowned out the rest of the yelling and went back to my phone, mindlessly watching food videos online until someone had sat next to me. I tried to ignore the person, but he kept getting closer and closer, and me? I got further and further.
“Hi.” The dude stated. I looked over to him and noticed he was dressed as a mummy. Clever. Not. 
“Um, hi.” I said to not be rude. I shouldn’t assume he was hitting on me, maybe he just wanted to be friends.
“You’re beautiful, what is a girl like you sitting here alone?” Ok scratch that precious thought. I rolled my eyes and scooted away. 
“’Cause I want to?” I spat back. Before the creepy guy could advance even more, the strobe lights started to go crazy. 
“SO PEOPLE! Who wants to sing first?!” Numerous people were screaming and others were shoving their friends forward. I somewhat enjoyed the multiple people becoming targets. 
“ME ME!” I heard being screamed louder than anyone else. I watched as a blonde haired boy jumped onstage. His back was facing my side, but I could tell he was dressed as Prince Charming. 
“Well, Chan, isn’t it time we’ve seen you again?” Chan and the MC hugged.
Wait... Chan ...
My heart raced faster at the realization when the boy turned around. He had a white mask over the top of his face, but I could recognize that face anymore. 
“Oh shit.” 
“For those who don’t know, Chan is the best singer we have here and he’s here every year, what a guy! Without him, most of the girls wouldn’t even show up AHAHAHA” The MC laughed loudly into the mic and I flinched back to cover my ears. 
Suddenly, Chan’s eyes danced across mine, giving me a mini heart attack. I locked eyes with him, unsure of what I wanted him to do. After a few moments, he just looked away, making the whole interaction anti-climatic. 
Wow, he doesn’t recognize me.
I felt part relief that he wouldn’t make me in a wedding dress and attending a holiday party a big deal. But part sadness that a person I considered my friend couldn’t even recognize me when I was dressed as something else. 
“Well, let’s stop the chatter and get this party started! You know how it goes, you start with a duet first to break the ice!” The crowd oohed and awed while I just wanted the clock to hit midnight as soon as possible. 
“So what’s gonna happen is that this light.” The MC pointed to a giant yellow light that seemed quite intimidating. “Is going to land on one of you lucky people who is going to get to sing with Chan, ok? Everyone excited??” Screams erupted even though I knew someone who was probably a crappy singer would get picked. 90% of these people were drunk and the other 10% were drunk AND high.
Suddenly, the light started to wave everywhere, blinding everyone’s eyes. 
“Chan, you get the honor of yelling stop!” Chan took the mic gladly and closed his eyes. Typical Chan. 
Before I could take off running, the light landed right on my face, warming my entire body from head to toe. 
“STOP!” He yelled loudly. I felt my vision blur as everyone in the room turned and looked at me. 
Fuck, shit, fuck.
“Wow, lucky Chan, choosing his Cinderella for a partner! C’mon up here, miss!” I felt my heart throb immensely as I forced myself to stand. Ok, I’m just gonna run it’s fine-
Suddenly, a group of people started to usher me to the stage, which I started to protest, but it was no use. I wobbled up on stage and tried to not look at the looming crowd.
“Well, well, aren’t you two the perfect couple? You even have matching outfits!” I glanced over to Chan shyly, and avoided all eye contact. Still, even standing so close, he couldn’t tell who I was. I guess I had never dressed up or put on makeup, and I had tons of detailing on my face so whatever.
“So, what song do you want to sing?” The MC asked me. I grew nervous, as I hadn’t chosen a song.
I turned to Chan and gestured for him to choose. Chan gave me a small smile. 
“Sorry, the guest has to choose, but whatever you choose is fine with me.” I felt my face blush with his words and I was suddenly thankful I had a mask on. I felt more empowered with it on as no one would know who I was. Except for Jisung and his friends of course. Oh shit, I wonder how Jisung is reacting to this. 
“Um, ok, h-how about... Rewrite the Stars?” 
The MC clapped his hands and suddenly music started to gear up. I felt my palms get sweaty and my dress started to feel too big for my small pride. The lights dimmed and the venue turned dark, probably for dramatic effect. If I knew that this happened at these events, I would have not have gone. But it’s too late now. 
“You can do it!” I heard from the audience. I almost smiled at Jisung’s yell, but I was too nervous for that. 
The spotlight focused on Chan, making him look more ethereal than before. 
“You know I want you. It’s not a secret I try to hide.” I heard Chan’s voice fill the room, melting the heart’s of all the girls around us.
I knew Chan had an amazing voice, but with him staring right at me while he was singing was a little too intense for me. I smiled gently as his singing, but then he sang the next line to the audience, which showed he knew how to own the stage. The embellishments on his shoulders dazzled in the light, making his shoulders look broader than usual. 
“it’s up to you, and it's up to me No one can say what we get to be So why don't we rewrite the stars? Maybe the world could be ours Tonight.”
Shit, shit, it’s my turn real soon. 
My brain turned off and I only reacted on instinct now. My palms drenched the mic and made my grip tighter, but still slippery. I closed my eyes at the light focused on me and opened my mouth.
“You think it’s easy, you think I don’t wanna run to you?” The first note was shaky, yet filled with more composure than I imagined. 
“But there are mountains, and there are doors that we can’t walk through.” Slowly, I opened my eyes and turned, finally gaining confidence. I stared at Chan who was already watching me with steady eyes. 
Soon, it came to the duet, 
“All I want is to fly with you All I want is to fall with you So just give me all of you”
“It’s feels impossible.”
“It’s not impossible”
“Is it impossible?”
“Say that it’s possible?” Our voices blended smoother than expected, making the crowd ooh and ah. I couldn’t deny that I felt the connection too as he made his way over to me, getting into the song. 
I felt him grab my hand,
“No one can say what we get to be Why don't we rewrite the stars? Changing the world to be ours”
I could hear his breathing so closely. His palm was quiet sweaty from holding the mic, but our hands felt so perfect together. 
Finally, I ended the song,
“You know I want you It's not a secret I try to hide”
I let go of his hand for dramatic effect, 
“But I can't have you We're bound to break and My hands are tied”
The lights turned black, and then right back on when cheers and clapping started to erupt. Once the lights turned back on, I felt the anxiety ride in my stomach again. 
We were still about 10 inches apart from each other. Chan’s eyes were stuck on me; the intensity was almost enough to cut right through me. 
He looked stunning in the dim light; his blonde hair was neatly done and his face was shiny from all the sweat, but he still looked beautiful. 
Damn, what am I thinking? I thought. 
Suddenly, he cracked a smile. “Hey, you’re a really amazing singer... but you also sound quite familiar. Have we ever met?” I smelt the alcohol on his breath, making me crinkle my nose in disgust. 
My heart pounded as I thought of answers to say. 
“Uhh, um, no? Not that I remember.” 
I saw his famous dimple splash onto his face, which sent butterflies in my stomach. What the hell am I feeling-
I saw him lick his lips and peer above us. I raised a brow and followed his stare. The crowd started whooping and hollering as our eyes landed at the thing hovering above us.
“Huh, mistletoe.” I felt my heart thump in anticipation as he leaned much closer to me. “Is this ok?” He whispered against my lips. I answered him by finally connecting out lips. 
Suddenly, the rest of the crowd disappeared and it was just us. 
Just me and Chan.
He pressed deeper into me, letting me taste the alcohol on his lips. I tried to not focus on the alcohol, letting myself fall deeply into the kiss. He pulled away slowly, confusing me. 
Gently, he made a move to take off my mask. Hypnotized by how close he was, I couldn’t move until I felt my phone buzz. We both flinched back at the loud alarm. 
It was midnight. 
Meaning it was time to go. 
“Um, I’m so sorry, I have to go!” I ran down the stage, not looking back, even when he yelled “WAIT!” I could NOT be late to getting home.
I ran towards the entrance and saw Jisung already there. His eyes widened.
“We are going to have a long talk, but let’s go!” I turned back, big mistake, and saw Chan looking for me. I pushed Jisung out the door in a hurry and we both started to run towards the car.
“So, uh, wanna tell me what the fuck was that?!” Jisung panted as he got into the car and immediately started the engine.
“Jisung, I wish I could say but I HAVE NO CLUE.” I emphasized. I tossed off my mask as the thing was starting to itch like hell. 
Jisung groaned and started the car. “So are we just gonna ignore how you made out with one of my friends on stage?” I turned to him with wide eyes. 
“Wait, did you just say that Chan was one of your friends?” Jisung rolled his eyes.
“Yes, I did. We’ve known each other for years, he’s Changbin’s older cousin and we hang out like all the time. How the hell do you know Chan? ‘Cause no way would you let a stranger make out with you on stage, even if he was hot.” I gulped and shook my head in disbelief.
“We were in the same psychology class and we sit, sat, next to each other.” I mumbled. I fiddled with my hair nervously, unsure of where our relationship stood now. Oh wait, he doesn’t even know that was you, you’re still just classmates., ex classmates.  “And he didn’t recognize me, so I’m just going to forget this ever happened.” 
Jisung scoffed. “Oh hell no, that was the most intense thing I’ve ever seen you do. You’re an amazing singer, y/n, I don’t know why you hide it all the time. Plus, you had SO much sexual tension on stage.” I slapped his arm as he cackled. “You know why this is so funny?” I shook my head as he continued “it’s hilarious because Chan was the dude I was going to set you up with but cancelled.” 
Suddenly, all the thoughts flooded back to me. 
“Oh my god, that was Chan? Oh shit, wait, that means him and Chaeyoung aren’t seeing each other anymore?” Then I realized, I had kissed Chan, knowing he was dating someone else. But I guess I forgot. But how could I have forgotten that? “Fuck, I didn’t know that Jisung, that means I kissed him and he could have been dating Chaeyoung! I am a terrible person.” I screamed into my dress. Jisung sighed and shoved me slightly to knock some sense into me. 
“Jesus Christ, y/n, it’s fine! They were never serious and Chaeyoung wasn’t that into him anyways, she was dating other people without Chan knowing, that’s why they broke up. You know Chan, hopeless romantic, he was devastated either way.” I closed my eyes in anger. Jisung was terrible at making things better. But I couldn’t focus on whatever their relationship was right now when such an intense thing happened.
“Well, it’s whatever anyways. He didn’t know it was me and in his eyes, that’s the last time he’ll ever see me again. And technically it is the last time I’ll see him because we don’t have a class together anymore. It’s done, over.” I said turning up the radio, but Jisung turned it back down. 
“Y/n, you cannot just ignore this! He was so into you!” I shook my head. 
“He doesn’t even know me! It’s whatever Jisung, he’ll probably forget about it the next day or give up some time over another. This conversation is over.” I made a statement by turning up the radio, the conversation truly ending this time.
-----
The days went by so slowly. My thoughts couldn’t help but constantly be surrounded by Chan, thinking about what he was doing, if he still was pining over me. 
*ding dong*
I heard my doorbell ring unexpectedly, making me jump out of my bed quickly. I pulled a hoodie over my tanktop and walked downstairs. Weird, I wasn’t expecting anybody. 
I pulled open the door, “hello-”
My heart stopped and so did everything else around me as I looked at the person standing at the door.
“Oh my god?? y/n??” Chan exclaimed, going in for that weird dude hand shake. I patted him on the back and pulled away, feigning a happy surprise.
“Wow, um, what are you doing here Chan?” I exclaimed. He was wearing a turtleneck with a long jacket, my favorite outfit on him.
“Jisung sent me here saying that I needed to pick up something?” I rolled my eyes and closed the door, letting him into my house. Weird. 
“Yeah, um, follow me.” I walked to the kitchen with him behind me and picked up the baggie of peppermint bark. I placed it in Chan’s hands while he looked at me with confused eyes. “It’s his dad’s favorite and Jisung asks me to make it every year and on his dad’s birthday because his dad likes mine the most. Of course his dad thinks Jisung makes it, but whatever makes him happy.” I shrugged.
Chan laughed and shook his head. “Wow, that’s so Jisung!” We both chuckled at the joke but then there was a silence. 
“So, uh, I should ask how you know Jisung but he talks a dude named Chan sometimes and I’m assuming that’s you?” I feigned innocence. Chan nodded. 
“Yeah! I’m Changbin’s, his neighbor, cousin, so we see each other a lot.” I nodded as we slowly walked to the door again.
“Well, I guess I should apologize on Jisung’s behalf for making you come here just to pick up peppermint bark. He’s an idiot and tries to set me with random dudes sometimes.” I rolled my eyes as Chan laughed.
“Wow, we both think you need to start dating, hmmm. Time to start searching.” I couldn’t help myself from feeling a bit hurt from him wanting me to date someone else, I guess I shouldn’t expect anything from him anyways.
I forced a chuckled and shook my head. “Nah, not into the whole dating game, sorry.” I waved him goodbye as he opened the door. He turned to leave, but looked back at me.
“You know, you’re fun to talk to. We should hang out sometime.” I raised a brow, knowing that was never going to happen. 
“I guess, yeah.” I noted lamely. Chan squinted his eyes at me and laughed.
“Wow, trying to spare my feelings now?” I blushed, caught in a lie. He just laughed though. “It’s fine, y/n. I know where you live now so you can’t escape me.” He laughed as he playfully punched my shoulder. 
As he stepped out the door, he looked back up at the top of it. “Oh what, is that a mistletoe?” I furrowed my eyebrows in shock and looked up. There was nothing. He broke out into laughter as I turned red in the face. 
“Dude, why I was about to barf.” I joked. 
He chuckled and put his hands in his pockets. “If there was a mistletoe there, would you have kissed me?” He asked abruptly. I leaned back, pretending to look confused. D-does he know? Impossible.
I raised a brow, wondering what his motives were. “I don’t know.” I deadpanned, closing the door in his face. 
I was about to walk away but I heard a knock on the door again. Then again. And again. And again. I let out a low growl and opened the door.
“Jisung told me.” He said before I could let another peep out. 
W-wait
I felt my hands turn numb and my legs go shaky. We stood in silence for a solid minute, which was a long time without saying anything. 
My mind felt numb and I couldn’t think of any lie to save myself. 
“Um... I’m sorry, you need to go.” I started to close the door, but he stopped me gently. 
“Y/n, wait, I’m not mad, and technically I knew before he told me. Look, I feel terrible for not recognizing you earlier but I was really fucking drunk. And I wasn’t in the right mind since I had ended things with Chaeyoung and my mind was just not thinking of anything. But I swear as soon as I got shown a video of us singing the next day, I knew. And I felt terrible, so I’m so sorry.” 
I felt shocked at his apology and I was unable to say anything in response. 
“Please, say something.” He took my hands and pulled me closer to him. 
And I felt terrible when I pulled back. I saw hurt run across his face as I said, “Look I was drunk too and--”
“No you weren’t, you were completely sober, I could tell in the video. Y/n please...” He made an attempt to come closer but stopped. “Look I know it’s bad that I just kissed a random girl and am now making attempts at you but there was something just drawing me to you that night. I mean the alcohol was helping me act on instinct but still. 
I was so happy to find out it was you. I had no idea who the girl was gonna be but when it was you, I couldn’t help but feel so relieved because it’s you, the girl I had a crush on in my psych class who was sarcastic with a weird sense of humor but that’s what was so awesome about you so please, we can just work something out. We don’t have to work fast.” 
A part of me wanted to just say yes and jump into his arms, but these things don’t happen to girls like me: girls who are constantly stuck in the background. He was still in love with that girl who sang confidently at karaoke, not that dull one in his psych class. 
“I’m sorry, Chan but I just can’t.” I spoke softly. I couldn’t bare to look at him as he left, but he said nothing as he walked off my porch.
------
I laid in bed, feeling like the whole world was pressing down on my chest. 
“Y/n! We’re going out to aunt josie’s house! Watch the house for us, we’ll be gone for 5 days! Merry Christmas!” The door slammed shut and I was officially alone on Christmas.
I’d always spent Christmas alone, every single year. 
Jisung had his own family to tend to and I didn’t wanna bother him. I told him that I was fine being alone since I hated Christmas anyways, and he didn’t push thankfully. It was time for me to be alone, to mourn my parents. 
It had been a few days, or maybe a week, since I last saw Chan. Jisung didn’t push the subject, knowing there was a more confusing internal battle in me. 
I felt my phone vibrate, signaling a text. My eyes grew wide when I read the contact name, scared to read the message. 
‘can we meet up right now?’ it read.
My fingers shook, unable to type a message. I hovered my finger over the ‘block’ button, wondering if that was a good idea. But before I could do anything, I got a call from Jisung. .
“Wha-”
“DON’T BLOCK HIM!” I pulled my phone away from my ear. 
“What? How did you know-”
“’Cause I fucking know you, don’t block him. Ok, y/n, let’s be honest right here right now. This isn’t about Chan, this is about you. I guess and Chan but anyways. You’re scared because of these insecurities you have, which you shouldn’t have ‘cause you’re pretty and you’re funny and cool so yeah. But, you have them, so what can you do I guess. But Chan, he’s a great dude; he’s funny, talented, hot, sporty, he’s everything a girl could want and more. Especially what you want. So I know you like him and you should take this chance because even if things don’t work out forever, at least you made the effort.”
I could hear loud music and talking in the background and I knew he was outside of his house where a big party was happening. I went soft knowing he was taking the time out of his Christmas to say this to me.
“Ok... I’ll do it.” 
“Wait what?”
“Call you later.” 
I hung up the phone and returned to texting Chan with Jisung’s confidence in me. 
‘yes... im home right now.’ 
‘are you flirting with me right now?’
I let out a bark of laughter. Chan knew how to get a girl to smile. 
‘no :/’ 
‘well i’ll still be there in 20 mins’ 
‘ok i’ll be here too’
He read my message, didn’t respond. Does that mean he’s on his way over now? 
I ran out of bed and looked at myself. 
“I need a fucking shower.” I took a 5 minute shower and ran out, dried myself and put on a little makeup, just to look not dead. I pulled on a white sweater and leggings, trying to look like I’ve been lounging all day, but cute lounging. 
Before I knew it, I heard my doorbell ring. I groaned in surprise but ran downstairs anyways. I took a deep breath, calming myself.
You can do this.
I threw open the door and saw him standing there, in a white button down shirt with dark fancy pants. His hair was now a dark brown, making him look more mature and casual than his chic blonde look. 
“Hi.” He said with a smile. 
“Hey, um, come in I guess.” I stood back to let him in and closed and locked the door behind him. “Um, merry Christmas.” He looked at me with kind eyes and smiled.
“Merry Christmas to you too.” 
We stood in a peaceful silence, one testing out the waters with the other. 
“What are you doing here instead of spending time with your family?” I asked finally. He shrugged. 
“Well, um, so both my parents died when I was 13.” I held in my gasp and held my head low for condolence.
“I’m sorry for your losses.” He nodded and looked up at me. 
“I’ve heard you have a similar story.” I sighed and sat down next to him as he took a seat on the couch. 
His body heat was radiating off him in waves and it made me feel like home. “Yeah, Jisung probably told you?” Chan nodded and I sighed. “Yeah, um, my mom died when I was pretty young, 8 to be exact. And my dad died just a couple years ago...leaving me with an ass for a stepmom and step sisters so.” I shrugged, not knowing how to go on.
“I’m sorry.” I nodded.
He leaned back in the couch and rolled up his sleeves. I couldn’t help but feel so attracted to him despite our situation being serious. 
“So-” We both started. 
“You go first.” He said. I nodded. 
“So um, I’m just really sorry about what happened the last time I saw you. I guess I was just afraid of commitment and um, feeling loved I guess. To explain it simply, I’ve always felt like I was background music while everyone else is a title track.” I shrugged nonchalantly, but I couldn’t help but feel emotional. His arm immediately went to wrap around my body and pulled me closer. He rubbed my back in circular motions which calmed me down. 
“I’m not blaming you for what happened, I guess we both have our faults.” I shook my head.
“No, you did nothing wrong, it was just me.” I argued as he laughed in surprise.
“Seriously, the first time we kissed, I was drunk as hell. I could tell you noticed ‘cause you made a face.” I blushed and hid my face in my hands. 
“Shut up.” 
As I said that, we returned to our usual banter and relationship. It felt normal again. 
“Hey, I never got to tell you, you’re an amazing singer you know that?” I gave him a small smile and shrugged.
“Thanks, you are too.” 
Then, he glanced up at the ceiling and raised his brows. 
“Mistletoe!” He called out. I grew confused and looked up. “There’s no mistletoe up there.” He gave me a boyish smile and shrugged.
“I know, I just wanna kiss you.” I let out a harsh laugh and slapped his chest.
“Dude, you can’t just say mistletoe whenever you wanna kiss me.” He wiggled his eyes brows and came close to me. My body grew warm since the look on his face was nothing but innocent. “You sure?” I nodded, daring him to go on.
“Mistletoe.” He pecked me on the lips, sending tiggles through my body, but leaving me wanting more.
“Mistletoe.” He leaned in again for half a second then pulled away.
“Mistletoe.” 
“Mistletoe.”
“Mis-” As he leaned in to kiss me for the fifth time, I pulled him closer and he didn’t fight it as he pulled me on his lap. 
He pulled away softly to look up at me. I titled my head at him in curiosity.
“Hm, so how do you like Christmas now, Cinderella?” I gasped and shoved him away playfully. 
“Cinderella? You are not calling me that!” I squealed as he tickled my sides.
“Really? How ‘bout Cindy? Ella? Cinder??” I flicked him on the neck harshly and he gasped in pain. 
“You meanie!” 
He laughed and held me down in his lap. “Ok ok fine! But I’m serious, how do you like Christmas now?” 
I thought about his question for a moment until I leaned down to kiss him gently on the lips, surprising him.
“I could get used to it.”
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cockbiteproductions · 5 years ago
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primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!
f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.
2. chocolate bars or lollipops?
chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.
3. bubblegum or cotton candy?
well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so
5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?
soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.
7. earbuds or headphones?
wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.
11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?
i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.
13. lanyard or key ring?
key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.
17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?
this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them
19. sleeping position?
ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.
23. strange habits?
oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.
in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.
29. best way to bond with you?
talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.
31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?
idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.
37. suitcase or duffel bag?
duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.
41. last person you texted?
as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 
as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE
43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.
47. favorite type of cheese?
mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.
53. what is the current state of your hands?
a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 
59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?
“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate
61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?
oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die
in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons
“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions
“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic
“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars
“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels
“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis
“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis
“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis
“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis
“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions
“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis
“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan
“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b
“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day
“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos
“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen
“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer
“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue
that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment
67. good luck charms?
not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.
71. least favorite pattern?
what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.
73. favorite weird flavor combo?
oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.
79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?
i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.
83. writing or drawing?
writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.
89. who would you put before everyone else?
what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.
97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?
4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.
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yessoupy · 6 years ago
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annual writing self-evaluation
All answers should be about works published in 2018.
tagged by: @ferryboatpeak ⚾
i. Optional if applicable: link to last year’s self evaluation:
honestly i don’t remember if i did one
1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):
At The Very Least (Lilo)
pastoralis princeps (dactylic hexameter about harry and farm animals)
don’t think, you can only hurt the ballclub (chapman/olson, oakland A’s)
Shared Space (desus, the walking dead)
A Taste Of Your Own (hitch)
ilia rumpens (desus)
2. Work you are most proud of (and why):
MOST proud of... probably the mlb slash. I hadn’t published anything in that fandom seriously since December 2013 and if you know anything about the A’s, you know there’s like hardly anyone (Marcus Semien??) left from that season. When I got my camera I ended up with dozens of shots of Marcus and Matt Olson fucking around during warmups and I thought for months that when I finally wrote A’s slash again that would be the pairing but heartbreak will change you. I placed them in the rented house that the young bachelors of the early 00′s A’s had rented to reference the intense nostalgia I’d felt the entire season. The only really surprising thing is that this wasn’t fic about Tim Lincecum finally accepting that he was out of baseball and making a life for himself again. I guess I’ll write that when (IF) we get a retirement announcement.
Another reason I’m proud of this is that I was writing for basically one other person who didn’t know I was writing it and it’s not even her team, but I knew she’d read it. So it was truly a labor of love.
3. Work you are least proud of (and why):
The pinch-hitting I did for the exchange I ran. I posted it in the day between my Texas Harry shows (and the afternoon before I got to the ballpark at Arlington to see NICK MARTINI had made it up) and I think if I’d had like ... a week of summer break to just focus on it it could have been much better. I’d actually cribbed a shitload of stuff from this thing I was writing for baseball that there was no way I’d ever finish/publish because I’d gotten too close to the player.
4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:
here’s a lil bit from each fandom, how’s that?
hitch, the reveal
The poetic license, Harry’s tongue flicking out to wet his lips as the arena fills in the wrong phrase, over and over, what he’d actually had and not what had sat there as a provocation on his person as Harry had leveled that slow-blink up at him and slithered down off the couch, naked still but for the ink needled into his skin. Mitch hasn’t recovered, not fully, for during these few minutes when Harry closes his eyes and embodies Mitch’s own confession in front of thousands of strangers he’s back on the couch.
TWD (shared space), daryl being daryl. helpful, but also generally confused by civilization.
Daryl clocked a shocked look on the face of one of the workers from the Kingdom. He glared until the man got his eyes off the pair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Paul.” He kept his mouth shut the rest of the way to the kitchens where they were greeted like conquering heroes for their haul. He tried to put Paul’s weird shit aside and he succeeded for awhile. He took a watch shift out beyond the wall for a couple hours and repaired one of their fences inside. Maggie made a face at him when he trekked through Barrington House looking for some tool or another one of the construction guys was asking about.
“Least take off your shoes at the door, Daryl.”
Daryl was rummaging in a drawer in the kitchen and gave her a disbelieving stare. “You serious?”
“We’re building a civilization and you’re tracking in God knows what from God knows where.”
“Never bothered you before.” He spied a pair of vise grips and yanked them out of the drawer. Wrong tool for every job, he thought, should do the trick. “Anything else you gotta tell me?”
“Real glad to see you and Jesus hitting it off.”
Daryl rolled his eyes and slid the drawer shut. “Alright. I’m leaving.”
“I’m just saying.”
“Bye!”
baseball, the consummate professional being made aware of something not baseball.
Maybe Matt shouldn’t have been surprised by any of this. Maybe this was where everything had always been going, this instead. With Olson’s mouth working over his slowly, gently, one hand hooked around his side and the other holding his head in place, maybe the 2018 season wasn’t about playing deep into October, but instead priming him for this moment right here. He’s never had a thought like that, that something was more than baseball, and it’s fitting that should come right here, wrapped up in his first baseman’s arms with the breath kissed out of him.
5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:
@the-well-rested-one sent me a really nice message about the hitch fic, about how it has impact for being so short. When I was writing it I let a lot of conventions fall by the wayside in the effort to get the idea out of my head (idea was conceived and executed over the course of one day) so it was v nice to hear it had impact. My fandom buddy also screenshot the first paragraph and circled where I’d had “the the” and I also v much appreciated that. 😂
additionally, @runthroughthegarden‘s comments on my dactylic hexameter were such a pleasant surprise and i can now announce that i officially have a beta for my latin verse going forward. lollllllllllllllll
6. A time when writing was really, really hard:
Well, when your fave character is still alive (and in a happy relationship with his boyfriend) in the original source material but you’ve known for months they’re killing him off, the week before the episode where that actually happens is a v difficult week. Although based on when my works are published, you could say that the first 5 months of the year is difficult.
7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:
Oh well, I never had any intention to write from Mitch’s POV but it was surprisingly easy. I think it helped a lot to remember he was from Indiana (a state I know well) and had he been 15 years older he’d have been recording tracks in my uncle’s basement. Also so many of us feel like Harry caught us unawares and we were helpless in the face of his charms, and that’s Mitch.
8. How did you grow as a writer this year:
Hmmm. Well, I finally wrote TWD fic after having been in fandom since the beginning???? That’s 2010, folks. Finally felt like I had a handle on Daryl Dixon.
9. How do you hope to grow next year:
It’d be great to actually have the ability to write something long. I feel like the ideas I have are for short pieces.
10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):
Let’s go with @chasm2018 because without her I definitely wouldn’t have written that hitch fic. She’s good at pushing me to write what I don’t actually NEED to be writing but absolutely SHOULD be writing.
11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:
Oh that lilo fic for sure. And We Are All Mitch.
12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:
IDK that it’s new, more like reinforced, but just fucking write what you want to write. 
13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:
I can’t believe I left Poe and Marek alone this entire year, seems unbelievable. I didn’t REALLY, because there’s a couple of docs I definitely fucked around in (including one with Marek and Caz), but nothing got anywhere close to a complete story. I’ll rectify that in 2019.
14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:
not tagging anyone specifically but if you’re reading this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged (and pls tag me so i can read yours).
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iliveonthenet · 7 years ago
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Hey! Been awhile. You OK?
(I'll answer this publicly 'cause maybe someone else was wondering the same)
First of all - damn, you are lucky that you sent an ask since I got a notification on my email. I've just noticed that I have almost thirty messages on the chat...
Anyway, I'm happy that you decided to drop by and contact me. Sadly, the answer to seemingly such an easy question isn't exactly so easy...
Well, when it comes to my physical health - I'm more or less ok. My right shoulder started to act up a bit few days ago but otherwise, I guess, everything is fine. I recovered after the surgery without any problems, the scars are small and aren't really visible. I had a check up with my doctor and he also said that everything seems fine. Right now I'm on a pill that should further balance out my hormones so maybe the rest of annoying things will stop (especially acne; and so my hair won't fall out so much). Also! Thanks to the surgery I don't suffer during my periods! This is the best thing ever. I had to spend one or two days in bed and now I can go about my days normally! I mean, I still have to take one or two ibuprofen pills but this is all! In the past I was taking up to ten! And even then it was mostly to get out of bed and do things around myself, not to function like a regular human being.
Mentaly it's.. well... same old, I guess. Which is... not good. But also not That Bad(TM). It also got a bit better after the surgery but then I started searching for a job and, well, it plummeted down again. I don't really have much to say about the topic. :v
And as I've mentioned - I'm searching for a job. Well, it's a high time since I'm not working since the second half of January. So almost half a year now.
It's going... well.. slow. I've applied for shitload of ads but the response ratio is extremely low. Though I've been to around ten or so job intervies. There were some places that wanted to hire me but I ain't gonna work a job with a pay that I won't be able to support myself. At the moment of writing this I have two ongoing options: for one I was promised to be contacted today (though I don't have much hope for this) and as for the second - like an hour ago I got a call with an invitation for a job interview on Friday. So we will see.
And, as some sort of conclusion - the reason why I'm not active on tumblr.
Tumblr was suffocating me. The things I actually wanted to see really decrased (I couldn't really even find blogs relevant to my interests; well, I always liked nonexistent or dead fandoms) and the most active fandom was, well, not fun (and I also haven't seen the latest season yet, lol)
At first I had a terrible case of fomo but I got over it. And, tbh, I don't really miss tumblr as a whole. Well, there are small things like - when something big happens in one of my fandoms (mostly Haikyuu, that TsukiYama high five for example) - then I kinda sorta miss screaming about it and rebloging shitloads of almost identical posts about the scene. Or the few people I was in contacy with. Like you or @cryselda for example. I'm not deleting my account (especially my writing blog, I still have hope that I will come back to writing) and I'm not saying that I'll never be back at all but... I don't think I'll be active in the nearest future. Of course you all can always contact me or something (asks are better than chat since I get an email notification about them). And if someone cares - I'm definitely much more active on snapchat, so, idk, if someone wants my handle then hit me up.
Again - thanks for contacting me!
And sorry if the formatting is weird or there are any weird mistakes. At the moment I can use internet only on my phone and I hate using mobile.
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